Ep.#232 - A Dog's Purpose

[0:00] On this episode we discuss A Dog's Purpose.

[0:04] The movie inspired by Sean Connery's famous line,

[0:08] You're the man now, dog!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] Heyo, I'm Stuart the Dog Catcher Willington.

[0:43] What up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up!

[0:46] It's me, downtown Elliot Kalin, coming at you from uptown.

[0:50] Oh wow.

[0:51] In Dan's apartment.

[0:52] You got a lot of sass. A lot of in-your-face attitude.

[0:55] Hey, let's just say my sass arrived in the mail. C.O.D.

[0:59] You got a little sass for ass.

[1:01] Wait, so wait, you had to pay the postman when he delivered the sass?

[1:05] Yeah, because I didn't have enough up front.

[1:07] Oh, okay.

[1:08] So then I ordered it. But this sass is good stuff.

[1:12] Okay.

[1:13] Oh no, sass running out. No!

[1:16] One of those sentences that started without having a finish at it.

[1:19] I lost my magic sass feather halfway through that sentence.

[1:22] Oh no.

[1:23] Dan, tell me, tell me I don't need the feather. It was inside me all along.

[1:27] I can't do it. I can't lie to you.

[1:29] No, it was the feather! I knew it!

[1:31] Have you ever had some sass inside you?

[1:33] No.

[1:34] Would you like some?

[1:35] I don't know how that...

[1:36] Hold on to this feather I made.

[1:38] Feather you made? Are you a bird?

[1:41] Just sprouted out of my wings.

[1:42] You probably make the feathers.

[1:44] They do! They grow out of them.

[1:45] Okay, I guess that's true.

[1:46] You think they buy them from a store?

[1:48] Yeah.

[1:49] Like an artisanal feathersmith?

[1:50] Maybe.

[1:52] Buy them from a Fletcher.

[1:54] Yep.

[1:55] Yeah, Jessica Fletcher from Murder, She Wrote.

[1:57] So called because she makes arrows.

[2:00] Like the TV show Arrow, executive produced by Jessica Fletcher.

[2:04] And Fletch, the private eye, who knows how to party and look like one of the L.A. Lakers.

[2:11] Who knows how to commit credit card fraud.

[2:14] That's what I learned from looking at the back of the VHS cassette box of Fletch.

[2:19] Now, is Fletch dead?

[2:22] No, no, you'll be happy to learn that Fletch lives.

[2:24] Oh, okay, good.

[2:25] I just want to report on that.

[2:29] It's a documentary, right? Set in the South?

[2:31] Yes, yes. It's called Fletchissippi Burning.

[2:36] Now, the porn version of Fletch would be called Flesh, right?

[2:40] Or is that the horror version?

[2:42] I mean, the porn version is Felch.

[2:44] Okay, there you go.

[2:45] That's better.

[2:46] And the Jewish version would be Flesh.

[2:50] So what do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

[2:52] Well, on this podcast...

[2:54] Throwing to himself.

[2:56] We got a real Jamie Madrox in here.

[2:58] We watch a bad movie.

[2:59] We got a regular split on our hands.

[3:01] And then we talk about it.

[3:02] And tonight, we watch a little movie called A Dog's Porpoise.

[3:06] About a dog who owns a dolphin.

[3:08] No, you're thinking of Zeus and Roxanne.

[3:10] Oh, okay.

[3:11] Wait, which one was Zeus and which one was Roxanne?

[3:13] Zeus, well, Roxanne was starring Steve Martin.

[3:15] And Zeus was the king of the Greek gods.

[3:17] King of the Greek gods, yeah.

[3:19] Although he was also the villain in No Holds Barred, I believe.

[3:22] The Hulk Hogan film.

[3:24] And in the Hercules movie.

[3:26] No, the villain was Hades in the Hercules movie.

[3:28] I mean, it depends on how you interpret the Hercules myth.

[3:31] Or Heracles myth.

[3:33] Well, the movie was called Hercules.

[3:35] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[3:37] Which one was James Woods?

[3:38] James Woods was Hades.

[3:40] In Straight Talk, which one was James Woods?

[3:42] Dolly Parton.

[3:43] Wow.

[3:45] He's an amazing actor.

[3:46] Oh, yeah.

[3:48] So enough about True West.

[3:49] They switch roles every night.

[3:51] True Woods.

[3:52] The only play where James Woods plays both of the parts in True West.

[3:55] Both brothers.

[3:57] And weirdly, both super conservative now.

[3:59] Yeah.

[4:00] Who would have thought it?

[4:01] His version of True West, they agree with each other the whole time.

[4:03] So what do we do in this podcast?

[4:05] Oh, no, we did that part already.

[4:07] Well, I missed it.

[4:08] We walk about a movie and then we sneak about it?

[4:10] Yeah.

[4:11] We snalk about a movie and then we balk about it.

[4:13] And this movie was called Dog's Purpose.

[4:15] And it was about a dog and his purpose in the world.

[4:17] Well, Dan, you kind of did sum up the whole movie just then.

[4:19] But Stuart, what were you going to say?

[4:21] I know that I suggested we watch this movie.

[4:23] And in doing so, I opened the floodgates.

[4:25] You damned us.

[4:27] I opened the floodgates to more Who Let the Dogs Out-style jokes that I had put a ban on on this podcast after we watched Marmaduke.

[4:29] I don't remember that ban, but I'll allow it.

[4:31] So you're not going to allow it?

[4:33] No, I'm not going to allow it.

[4:35] I'm not going to allow it.

[4:43] So you're saying, like, none of this, like, oh, the flop house has gone to the dogs.

[4:45] I'm giving you guys a hall pass today.

[4:47] Oh, boy.

[4:49] So just let's get nasty and talk about A Dog's Purpose.

[4:51] We're going to talk about this movie doggy style.

[4:53] That's exactly what I was talking about.

[4:55] We all got boned by A Dog's Purpose.

[4:57] We're going to be raw dogging it tonight.

[4:59] Okay.

[5:01] Because you got to love it or hate it.

[5:03] You can't be neutered about this movie.

[5:05] That almost is a pun.

[5:07] Hey, it's a hairy situation.

[5:09] All right.

[5:10] There you go.

[5:11] A doggone catastrophe.

[5:13] And this episode is off the leash.

[5:15] Was this episode a howl?

[5:17] No, it was not.

[5:19] It was none of these.

[5:21] Can we get to the real episode?

[5:23] Speaking of howl, you know, I saw the best minds of my generation ruined by the rest of the poem that I don't remember.

[5:26] Let's just say television.

[5:28] What?

[5:30] Ruined by television?

[5:32] That's what you think Ginsburg was getting at?

[5:34] He certainly wasn't pro-television, Dan, I have to assume.

[5:36] I guess.

[5:38] Right.

[5:39] We've got the ghost of Ginsburg here to talk about it right now.

[5:41] Oh, well, tell me about it, ghost of Ginsburg.

[5:43] Well, man, it's all about...

[5:45] Never heard a ghost snap his fingers before?

[5:48] What's going on inside your mind?

[5:50] Well, what's going on inside your mind, ghost of Ginsburg?

[5:52] Or should I say g-g-g-Ginsburg?

[5:54] Much like Seabiscuit, the world's most popular horse.

[5:56] I got to go.

[5:59] Oh, Dan throwing to the least popular...

[6:01] No, that's not true.

[6:03] People love Seabiscuit, the popular horse who always has to go.

[6:05] Mm-hmm.

[6:07] I hope so.

[6:09] Maybe he helped America through the Great Depression or something.

[6:11] Got to go.

[6:13] It's like that horse...

[6:15] I wish he was summoned by the ghost of all the dogs that died in this movie.

[6:18] Oh, there's so many dogs who died in this movie.

[6:20] Let's say one thing going into it.

[6:22] A lot of dogs died a lot.

[6:24] There's a controversy about this movie that maybe they had mistreated dogs while filming.

[6:28] We can't speak to that.

[6:30] We don't know.

[6:32] The Humane Society looked into it and said that things were OK.

[6:34] We can't say for sure.

[6:36] We're just judging this movie.

[6:37] Poochola, or as it's also called, Poochola, when a dog is involved.

[6:39] Now, we can't judge that.

[6:41] Poochola, when our hooch from Turner and Hooch is involved.

[6:44] Hoochola?

[6:46] It just rhymes with Poochola.

[6:48] I don't know.

[6:50] Yeah, it's a double pun.

[6:52] Take it one more step removed.

[6:54] Scoochola, that's when you've got to scooch over for money.

[6:56] Yeah, that's what all the cockney rhyming slang came from.

[6:58] Yeah.

[7:00] Turner and Hooch.

[7:02] I'm an animator.

[7:04] So we're just going to judge this movie on the quality of the film itself.

[7:05] We're going to look to the text and not look outside the text.

[7:07] So I apologize ahead of time if we don't cover that scandal and we don't express proper outrage for it.

[7:09] We're just talking about the movie itself, which is, Dan, you loved it.

[7:11] It talks purpose.

[7:13] What am I supposed to say about it?

[7:15] OK, so the movie poster.

[7:17] We got the face of a dog on it.

[7:19] You know what you're getting when you slap this movie into your VCR.

[7:21] You got a dog movie.

[7:23] Now, here's the thing.

[7:25] The poster is just the face of a dog.

[7:27] So I was like, oh, it's like those Judd Apatow movies.

[7:29] It reminds me of the 40-year-old movie.

[7:31] I was like, oh, it's the face of a dog.

[7:32] I was like, oh, it's like those Judd Apatow movies.

[7:34] It reminds me of the 40-year-old Virgin poster.

[7:36] So this is just going to be about a dog who's never had sex and is desperately trying to lose it.

[7:40] But he can't because why couldn't Steve Carell have sex in that movie?

[7:43] Did a witch put a hex on him?

[7:45] He seems like a regular Joe.

[7:47] Wait, which movie?

[7:49] 40-year-old Virgin.

[7:51] No, the other movie where Steve Carell's an adult who's never had sex, Dan.

[7:53] What was that Get Smart, Little Miss Sunshine?

[7:55] Dan in real life?

[7:57] Dan looking for a friend for the end of the world.

[7:59] He's up in Almighty.

[8:00] No woman's going to have sex with him.

[8:02] Syrup?

[8:04] Syrup.

[8:06] He could have a date with a fly woman.

[8:08] They love syrup.

[8:10] They'll get her in the sack faster.

[8:12] And by sack, I mean a bag for catching flies.

[8:15] I assumed that this movie was going to be something like Fluke or Oh, Heavenly Dog, where a man is killed.

[8:20] He comes back as a dog, and he needs to solve the murder as a dog.

[8:23] What's the Gary Busey one where that happens?

[8:27] There's more movies like that?

[8:30] There's the Gary Busey movie where he dies and comes – it's very low budget.

[8:34] It's a point break.

[8:36] Cardis Armstrong is in it too, I think.

[8:38] It's not point break.

[8:40] I've exhausted my Gary Busey movie.

[8:42] Okay, then never mind.

[8:44] Forget it.

[8:46] So this movie, it's about, hey, what's the purpose of life?

[8:48] And by life, I mean life as a dog, my life as a dog because it's directed by Leslie Hallstrom.

[8:53] I don't know how to pronounce his name.

[8:55] He also directed My Life as a Dog, returning to the successful world of dogs.

[8:57] Let's not do any jokes about how his name looks like.

[9:00] It's pronounced Lassie Hallstrom, and there's a famous dog.

[9:03] I don't know if you guys have heard of the dog.

[9:05] It's called Lassie.

[9:07] No, what does he do?

[9:09] Or she?

[9:11] She, I believe, tricks a little boy into falling into a well.

[9:13] Oh, for the insurance money?

[9:15] No, mainly to prove that she can because then she gets the adults to go laugh at the boy.

[9:18] Laugh at the boy.

[9:20] What if Lassie was like an ace in the hole type thing, but instead of Kirk Douglas, it was a dog?

[9:24] Now, the common joke about Lassie is that Timmy's in the well.

[9:28] Now, I just wonder how many times in Lassie did Timmy actually fall for a well?

[9:32] Oh, never. It was always Lassie getting Timmy.

[9:35] And Timmy would say, what's that girl?

[9:37] There's a mountain lion on the loose?

[9:39] What's that girl?

[9:41] They've killed Archduke Ferdinand?

[9:45] Timmy did not keep that world war from happening.

[9:47] He called his banners immediately.

[9:49] No, that's why he was telling him, so that he could marshal his forces on the Belgian border.

[9:57] Flynn was working for the Turks?

[10:00] well he was national security advisor what's that girl mcrib is back

[10:06] what's that girl you're a boy i'm so sorry

[10:09] but hey it's not an insult come on the open-minded exactly

[10:13] so this movie

[10:14] is literally

[10:15] it is from the lovers of dogs and haters of dogs and because if you want to see a

[10:19] dog run around to be cute and then die you get to see that five times in this

[10:24] movie straight yeah

[10:27] the fucking bodies are stacked like cordwood by the end of this thing

[10:31] okay i've heard this thing about bodies being stacked like cordwood

[10:34] what is it about cordwood that makes it so stackable

[10:37] do you ever describe something good stacked like cordwood you never say like

[10:41] all those graham crackers are stacked like cordwood yeah yeah yeah i like that

[10:45] those gold krugerrands are stacked like gold cordwood

[10:49] to think of something amazing that could be stacked you went directly to

[10:52] graham crackers

[10:53] the best

[10:54] thing that you could think of i like graham crackers they're very stackable

[10:57] sorry

[10:58] you never say those pancakes are stacked like cordwood is that

[11:02] is that the acceptable

[11:04] thing to stack snowflake

[11:06] uh... did i offend you by saying you can stack graham crackers this is another dan in real life reference

[11:11] because it's not uh... it's a stereotype that all people named dan put their

[11:15] head on pancakes i think that was the original tagline for dan in real life

[11:18] the pancakes are stacked like cordwood

[11:22] the original tagline for dan in real life was how crazy is this guy with his pancake pillow

[11:27] he's so tired he's going to sleep in his pancakes pancake pillow boy

[11:32] and it was originally based on the play the pillow man it was called the pancake pillow man

[11:36] and the entire subplot about a bunch of child abductions was removed for the film

[11:42] much like how the play the diary of ann frank was eventually made into the movie

[11:46] bend it like beckham

[11:48] wow

[11:49] the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet loose interpretation very loose

[11:54] anyway this movie

[11:56] a dog's purpose let's get to the facts so

[11:59] we open with a shot in the womb now the movie is

[12:03] broken up by these very like

[12:05] swirly light like you're underwater if anyone has ever gone to a movie theater

[12:09] and seen one of those programs of like

[12:11] the oscar-nominated shorts

[12:13] uh... like

[12:15] in between each of the movies there's like a swirly animation

[12:18] and it says like academy award nomination short and then the title and

[12:21] the director

[12:22] that's what these look like to me those transitions you're in the ether

[12:25] exactly yet you're just in mind space you're just a concept you're huffing ether

[12:31] I mean it's one way to get through the movie uh... then a dog is born he says

[12:34] ever since i was a pup

[12:36] i wonder what life is like and this is the voice of josh gadd

[12:38] just just talking about it guys i don't want to show my hand too much right now

[12:43] and i don't know why your hands look great you could be a hand model thank you elliot

[12:46] uh... do you think my nails are long enough

[12:49] oh i think that the perfectly their long enough their long yet they have the key

[12:52] to be a hand model one of three alright skin color and

[12:57] complexion now colored not because you don't want to be racist here

[13:01] but because

[13:02] let's just face it

[13:03] certain markets like different colored hands for instance

[13:06] for gloves

[13:07] doesn't matter the gloves covering the hands

[13:09] but if you're marketing say

[13:11] i don't know

[13:13] stuff that's just for white people white hands are better

[13:15] sure white stuff you want your hands to be blue like yondu exactly if you're

[13:20] marketing something that's for t-rexes

[13:22] like say like a pancake mix for t-rexes you want little stubby hands with just two

[13:26] fingers

[13:27] like a t-rex or maybe claws

[13:29] uh... you managed to uh... navigate your way through that without being too racist

[13:33] uh... it was still a little racist

[13:35] i don't know what kind of thing would only be for white people that's being

[13:38] advertised i guess like pink band-aids

[13:43] yeah sure, flesh colored crayons in the old crayons where they were racist about what

[13:47] flesh colored meant

[13:48] i prefer that i had to believe

[13:50] that they just meant the flesh that was underneath your skin when you peeled off

[13:53] those top few layers and it's just like

[13:55] muscle underneath is that still flesh

[13:58] so you're saying that Crayola is owned by Clive Barker or something like that

[14:01] yeah so they're psychopathic monsters

[14:04] look Crayola is either run by racists or psychopaths so let's just say that right

[14:08] now let's stipulate that i mean goldenrod what is that

[14:12] come at us Crayola

[14:14] deal with it

[14:17] i think crayon is going to come down on us like a hammer

[14:19] Crayola

[14:20] rhymes with payola

[14:22] it reminds me of poochola

[14:23] follow the money

[14:25] a dog's purpose one day we're going to do an episode of this show

[14:28] where we never get to the movie and i'll be so happy

[14:31] i mean this might be the line i don't know

[14:33] a dog's purpose we're in the womb i didn't even say

[14:36] i'm showing my hands here guys

[14:38] yeah so what were you talking about when i got racist for a moment

[14:40] i know we don't like to play like

[14:42] backseat driver on these movies and talk about how they would have been better

[14:46] yes we do

[14:46] but the

[14:47] the dog uh... the dog's brain voice

[14:50] is done in this movie by josh gadd you may know him as olaf from frozen

[14:55] and other stuff right he was in the comedians with uh... billy crystal

[14:59] he was on the daily show for a little bit

[15:03] didn't he come to fame on broadway with that book of mormon he was in

[15:07] uh... he was in

[15:09] italy once when i was eating there and i saw him at another table

[15:12] and i didn't come say hi to him

[15:15] because i didn't know if he'd remember me from the daily show and then the next

[15:18] time i ran into him he was like why did you say hi to me at italy

[15:22] and i was a little embarrassed but then i was like it takes two to tango dude

[15:25] come on so he does a fine job

[15:27] yeah he does whatever he can with it

[15:30] i believed he was the inner voice of a dog

[15:32] if the narration was done by bernard herzog

[15:35] well i mean that's a that's not fair to josh gadd because anything would be

[15:39] better with narration by bernard herzog

[15:41] there's not a lot of celebrities i want to hear describing my sex while i'm

[15:45] having it but if it was bernard herzog it would be pretty funny

[15:48] i can't think of anything though that would be

[15:51] as like philosophically opposed to bernard herzog than a dog's purpose

[15:55] since it actively overtly posits a purpose for life

[15:59] yeah it's a purpose for life it celebrates nature

[16:02] it's overtly sentimental and implies that animals have a sort of human or

[16:07] emotional intelligence yeah the purpose of nature is to bring

[16:10] two two olds together and some lovin don't spoil it okay so

[16:15] a dog is born uh the dog is like i wonder what the purpose of my life was i

[16:20] had a lot of fun playing was that what he immediately runs away and gets caught

[16:24] by the fucking dog catcher oh the dog catcher shows up and finds a

[16:27] herd of or pack of five young dogs takes one

[16:31] euthanizes it throws it in the first dog death of the

[16:34] movie yeah like two minutes into the film then the

[16:37] dog comes back and now he's a different dog and he gets

[16:42] a different breed yeah different he's a different breed and every time

[16:45] in like a fucking cardboard box or something like i feel like that

[16:48] cardboard box is some kind of magical chamber that births

[16:52] so you're saying it's not that the dog is being reincarnated it's that

[16:56] this magic chamber is reviving him in a different form each time

[16:59] exactly and his soul returns to it it's like a uh

[17:03] what was that jake gyllenhaal movie where he has to run to that simulation

[17:06] source code yeah you know the movie that didn't quite work after the second act

[17:11] because they broke a lot of the rules they set up yeah but it was

[17:14] pretty fun though it was fine solid performance from jeffrey wright

[17:17] oh sure i mean everybody in it was solid as a rock

[17:22] including the rock he was good yeah he played the credits

[17:26] they just painted them on his chest uh so anyway

[17:29] he gets captured and by a dog breeder i guess

[17:33] yeah and the dog but then he escapes and he's found

[17:36] by a little boy named ethan after almost uh dehydrating inside a closed car

[17:41] yeah yeah only those guys had put a sign on the window that said he was in there

[17:45] with his favorite music and uh whatever something cool to drink

[17:49] original party animal do not bother uh the little boy finds the dog and his

[17:55] mother is enamored of the dog also but they have to convince the boy's dad

[17:59] who's a little bit of a grumpy grandpa although he's not a

[18:04] grandpa he's a dad i want to jump in here and say that the movie has already

[18:07] set the stakes right away we see a dog a baby dog get captured and

[18:11] then euthanized immediately it's like a fucking horror movie

[18:14] so we know what could happen so the fact that in his next life

[18:18] he only like it looks like he's going to dehydrate and die at that point i'm

[18:22] like the dog number two's done well you're

[18:26] always worried about him because you know the movie's willing to go there

[18:29] yeah they don't give a fuck no they'll show you a dog dying

[18:33] in a movie for dog lovers about dogs like yeah the dog is the

[18:37] the movie is the waiter who walks up to my table without breaking eye contact

[18:41] just pushes my plate of food onto the floor

[18:44] what are you eating uh i don't know applebee's

[18:48] i don't i don't know whether it was as early as the second

[18:52] dog death or maybe the third dog death my turn to

[18:55] elliot and i'm like who what monsters is this movie for

[18:59] there's a third dog death like people who want to watch a dog die

[19:03] over and over again but here's the thing dog lovers

[19:06] love the sadness of a dead dog can you think about a movie about a dog

[19:10] can you think about a movie about a dog that didn't at some point either

[19:14] kill the dog or tease the idea that the dog would die

[19:17] think about it there's that dog there's uh what

[19:20] that marley and me old yeller old yeller turner and hooch

[19:25] like uh i think nine tried to die and escape the terror of jimbo

[19:31] only to be reincarnated as a dog trying to commit suicide

[19:35] yeah so many dogs committed suicide on the set of canine

[19:39] sad really uh turner and hooch is the one where craig t nelson tries to kill

[19:44] a dog right is it craig t nelson yeah craig t nelson's

[19:47] the bad guy i think but the t stands for turner

[19:50] yeah that's what i don't remember it was shocking for me because i'm like

[19:54] why is coach trying to kill this dog that was oh no you think of turner and

[19:58] coach

[20:00] That's what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah. Turner was the dog in that one, and Craig T. Nelson was coach.

[20:04] Jerry Van Dyke, of course, played his character of I don't know the name of that character.

[20:07] And Dauber played Dauber. Yeah, Dauber.

[20:11] Which was the dog version of Frogger. Okay. Anyway, so, uh, Ethan...

[20:16] You know what their favorite kind of beer is? What?

[20:19] Lager. Okay.

[20:21] You know where they go? Where?

[20:22] Sauger Teas. That joke was a real Sauger Teas.

[20:30] Hey, you know what their sexual fetish is? What?

[20:32] Flogger.

[20:36] Hey, you know what happens when they use the toilet?

[20:39] What?

[20:40] Flogger.

[20:41] I feel like Elliot goes to, like, the website Rhyme Zone and just laughs and laughs and laughs.

[20:48] Oh, that's like porn for me. I just like, what are words that rhyme with

[20:55] giant? And then I'll just jack off to that.

[20:57] Appliant.

[20:59] What kind of job does he have on the internet? He's a blogger.

[21:04] Someone's playing the game. Somebody's playing the game. Dan, your turn.

[21:07] Come on. Come on. Don't be an asshole.

[21:14] I mean, vlogger is right there. Oh, God.

[21:17] Snogger. Smogger.

[21:20] Oh, okay.

[21:21] I'm starting to sweat, everybody.

[21:23] He's a real fan of that movie with Joan Crawford. He's a trogger.

[21:28] All right. Okay. I also have accepted he likes to celebrate

[21:32] porn at the synagogue with a grogger. Sure.

[21:34] That's a noisemaker.

[21:36] Yeah. Took a ride around the block for that one, but I think the journey was worth it.

[21:41] In that it meant that Jews weren't killed because Haman was taken out of the picture?

[21:45] Yes, it was worth it.

[21:46] It was the fellow who wore cookies for a hat, right?

[21:50] Judaism's a weird religion. We celebrate one of our weirder holidays by eating a

[21:55] cookie in the shape of the hat of the Hitler of the, what, 12th century, 10th century?

[22:00] So anyway. Long story short.

[22:02] Long story short. This is the main story of the movie is the dog becomes named Bailey.

[22:07] He's Ethan's dog. Ethan's dad does not like him,

[22:09] not the least because he's a dog. He's rambunctious. He eats his gold coin.

[22:15] That's a collector's edition. He shits it out, though.

[22:17] But not until after it's become an embarrassing situation when the dad's boss comes over for

[22:23] dinner. And now this is a weird thing that at some point in human history, it was considered

[22:29] appropriate for a boss to impose on his employees by going to dinner at their house and having a

[22:34] business conversation with their family. That's why you became a boss back in the

[22:37] old days for all the free grub. Yeah.

[22:40] Make all the writers take me out to dinner and be like, tell me, why should I keep you on?

[22:45] And they'd be like, we don't really have the power to fire us. And I go, but okay,

[22:51] I'll pay for dinner. It's like when a lord or lady would travel

[22:55] to their vassals and have them feed them and take them into their homes for a little while.

[23:01] That's a very fair point. That's a good point.

[23:04] So we get this really great scene. The dad character who had previously accused Ethan

[23:10] and the dog of playing dirty pool by using the cuteness of this dog to convince him to

[23:15] take the dog in as a ward. Yeah, that's what it was.

[23:19] I think it's called a pet. He does the same shit where he has his

[23:22] boss in, has his fucking kid, dog and wife there. And he's like, yo, dude,

[23:27] how about you give me a desk job instead of keeping me on the road all the time?

[23:30] He goes, the numbers have been very good lately. Yes, they have been good numbers.

[23:36] You are a top traveling salesman. What does this guy sell?

[23:39] I don't know. What is this business?

[23:41] I don't know. He's a drunk.

[23:45] The dog eats a coin, a gold coin. It's a gold dollar, which is a very valuable coin.

[23:52] Fucking Mario, what's he doing eating coins? Is Mario eating those coins?

[23:56] I mean, he runs through them and they disappear. Yeah, he doesn't have like big pockets.

[24:01] He's wearing overalls. He has huge pockets.

[24:03] He's going to start bulging. I mean, he's eating so many coins.

[24:07] Mario's got to bulge, all right. Oh, gross.

[24:10] Elliot's been looking at DeviantArt again. Damn, I told you to block that website.

[24:16] I need to know what's going on with Sonic Pregnancy.

[24:21] What's going on? What trimester are they in now? What's happening?

[24:24] Wait, so is Knuckles the dad? Who knocks Sonic up now?

[24:26] Is Tails the dad? Or is it Dr. Roboto or whatever his name was?

[24:30] Robotnik. Robotnik.

[24:32] They changed it at Ellis Island. Knuckles is usually the dom

[24:35] and Tails is usually the femme or a dead character.

[24:40] They're always so sad that Tails died. Somebody's like cradling his dead body.

[24:44] I always imagine that Sonic has the voice that Jaleel White gave him in the Sonic the Hedgehog

[24:48] cartoon show. I don't remember that at all.

[24:51] It was a cartoon show. Sonic the Hedgehog starred in it.

[24:54] Urkel himself did the voice of Sonic, but like not as Urkel, like his cool voice.

[24:58] Yeah, he did it as Sonic.

[25:00] Yeah, of course, who is not a nerd. So the dog has to poop out this gold coin

[25:05] so that he can get it back in the box. The kid, to distract them, to distract them,

[25:12] so he can slip the gold coin back in the box, goes, hey, there's a rat over there, leading to

[25:17] Good thinking, Ethan.

[25:18] Yeah, moron. The boss's wife climbs up on the table,

[25:21] ends up halfway into a cake and falls down and collapses the table. Oh boy.

[25:26] Have to assume the dad lost his job over that one because he becomes a drunk.

[25:30] We flash forward.

[25:31] We never see by the way, I just want to say we never see the kid washing off that poop

[25:36] coin or slipping it back in the box.

[25:37] Oh no, oh no, he licks it off. He licks the whole thing off.

[25:38] OK.

[25:39] He's like, uh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because he couldn't see anything.

[25:44] I've heard that the human mouth is much cleaner than any kind of dog's poop.

[25:49] I mean, the human mouth is cleaner than dog's poop. That goes without saying.

[25:52] That old wives tale is true.

[25:54] It's true.

[25:56] They used to say that, yeah, dog's butt is cleaner than,

[25:59] what, anything. And it was like, there's no possible way that's the case.

[26:03] Unless there is xenomorph acid bud, acid bud burning the germs off.

[26:08] A rumor spread around by dogs who wanted people to lick their butts.

[26:14] From the dog butt licking council?

[26:16] Lick one today.

[26:17] Have you licked a dog butt today?

[26:20] Wait, no, I haven't.

[26:20] Four out of five doctors say, ew, get away from me.

[26:23] The fifth doctor lost his license.

[26:28] So, uh, Ethan grows up.

[26:30] Oh, no, but first we see that Ethan has a, uh, the dog bites Ethan's football and deflates it.

[26:36] Ethan doesn't care. He just tosses it like a frisbee.

[26:39] He and the dog have this trick.

[26:40] Fucking frisbees.

[26:41] He invents a frisbee, which I thought Marty McFly invented in the old west.

[26:46] And then he does a trick where he throws, he somehow

[26:50] throws the frisbee and then the dog jumps off of his back to catch it.

[26:54] This must be the slowest moving frisbee in the world.

[26:57] Like, I don't get how that's possible.

[26:59] Dan, explain it to me because I'm missing something.

[27:02] Uh, so time and space are warped around the love of a dog.

[27:09] That's Einstein's general theory of dog activity.

[27:11] Yeah.

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:12] It's like a sick, gnarly trick, like in Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

[27:16] As soon as he started doing something, physics and stuff doesn't matter.

[27:19] Oh, we're like the knuckle puck in the Mighty Ducks films.

[27:22] Okay.

[27:23] So flash forward.

[27:24] Yeah.

[27:25] Ethan has become a high school football star.

[27:27] His dad is a drunk and Ethan's on top of the world.

[27:31] He's the star of the football team.

[27:33] Everybody loves him except this one kid who hates him because he's kind of the Iago type.

[27:37] And his dog's still with him.

[27:39] And his dog helps him have meet cute with a cute girl at the local carnival.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:44] He shows her where the good hot dogs are at the carnival.

[27:46] And he specifically says, let's get the good hot dogs over here.

[27:50] He goes, he goes, oh, there's a good one over here.

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:52] And before you know it, they're using a different kind of hot dog.

[27:56] Where there's like, like cheese squirted on the inside of that hot dog.

[28:00] Yeah, probably.

[28:01] That squirts out and gets all over the place.

[28:03] Oh, it gets you all nasty.

[28:05] Yeah.

[28:05] Cheese nasty.

[28:07] Cheese nasty.

[28:08] Sounds like an old Alan Walker.

[28:10] Yeah.

[28:10] Sounds like a fucking Batman villain on Gotham.

[28:13] What happened was, I'm sure there's some, there's some cheese mascot that Alan Moore

[28:20] turned into a porno comic of some kind to make a point about, I don't know, freedom or something.

[28:27] Well, you know, he was, he was in an erotic relationship with his common law wife and they,

[28:34] you know, did a cheese themed comic book.

[28:37] I'm not going to kink shame somebody for loving cheese and stuff, dude.

[28:41] Yeah.

[28:42] It's delicious.

[28:43] Okay, you're right.

[28:43] It is delicious.

[28:45] It's one of the top two things you can do with stuff that comes out of a cow.

[28:51] Uh, so.

[28:52] Yeah, there's ice cream.

[28:54] There's a big, uh.

[28:56] But there's a big, big game.

[28:58] Okay.

[28:59] Well, for, uh, Ethan comes home one night from snogging with his gal, uh, with Bailey,

[29:04] his dog, who goes with him everywhere, even to school.

[29:06] And he finds that his dad is arguing with his mom and pushes her.

[29:10] And he says, never touch her again.

[29:11] You get out of here and throws him out.

[29:14] Now it's the night of a big game.

[29:16] There's a scene where I was expecting them to get in a scuffle and the dad to like kick

[29:22] Bailey and outer space or something.

[29:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[29:24] Because anytime drama happens, I immediately assume it's going to lead to injury of the

[29:28] dog.

[29:29] Yeah.

[29:30] The dog luckily is not hurt in this first, in the second iteration of his life.

[29:36] But so there's a big game.

[29:39] Ethan announces that scouts from Michigan state were there to give him a full four-year

[29:44] scholarship.

[29:45] He's he's on top of the world, but he gets into a fight with that Iago kid.

[29:49] And the kid is playing around with firecrackers because the kid makes fun of him for having

[29:53] a drunk dad, a bad dad, football dad, which is what they call bad dad, soccer dad in England.

[29:58] Uh, that night.

[30:00] But and then Ethan punches that kid that kid gets his revenge by throwing a lit firecracker into the male slaw their house

[30:05] The house burns down in the night now. They only escape with their lives. He drops it on there. What like their oil-soaked

[30:12] Welcome mat back then in what is popular in the 70s the early 70s

[30:16] I guess yeah

[30:17] And people love to take their welcome mat and just soak it with oil because they thought that the fumes kind of made you lose

[30:22] your inhibitions

[30:25] When they had

[30:26] doormat parties where you take a doormat and you throw it into a kid's swimming pool those little like little kids swimming pools and

[30:32] Then you'd pull out a random doormat and you just take that to your house and you'd put it on your doorstep

[30:37] Yeah, and then when you woke up in the morning, you'd be like, whoa crazy. What did I do last night?

[30:42] This is Dormouse used to say welcome. And now it says welcome, please

[30:47] Now I understand the ice storm. Yeah. Yeah now the ice storm is all about a time when ice fell out of the sky

[30:54] It's called ice age dawn of the dinosaurs

[30:57] And it stars John Leguizamo Ray Romano and Dennis Liriano

[31:01] But how do they get all those stars into one movie Elliot?

[31:04] Well, there's only one way to do it star vacuum ceiling then

[31:09] How often have you found that you have too many stars for the space you need to keep it in all the time?

[31:13] I wish there was a better way and now there is

[31:16] Stop stuffing your stars smushing your stars or cutting their heads and feet off so that they'll fit into your drawers here

[31:22] It's time for the star vacuum seal. Now. All you have to do is take your star

[31:25] Let's say it's I don't know a Hector Elizondo and put him in a plastic bag

[31:31] Suck out all the extra air and it scrunches him down to a much shorter smaller more storable space

[31:37] Mm-hmm

[31:39] Hector compact Zandro more like why do I put drow?

[31:47] It's a weird verbal tick that only manifests when you're saying the name of Hector Elizondo

[31:53] Elizondo sounds wrong to me sounds Ella Rongo. That's right

[31:58] Anyway, we've been having our fun, but you know, he's not having fun Bailey because he notices that smell of smoke now

[32:03] He describes every smell he experiences like this was an angry smell

[32:07] I didn't like this smell when when Ethan first sees the girl is a question

[32:12] Just you can had us a new smell a sweaty smell. It's all disgusting. I could smell his pre-cum dripping from his sweat

[32:21] Don't like that. Yeah, that was too for some reason if we had said jokes that led up to that I'd be okay with it

[32:26] But we're to just come out of nowhere. No pun intended. Come on guys. Get your minds out of the gutter

[32:32] Yeah, I didn't like it. All right. Well, we'll put it in

[32:36] jail

[32:39] Pre-cum material

[32:41] Just save that put that in a little thing. Like I'm saying I was premature with my pre-cum material. No premature

[32:49] Exclamation

[32:51] EJ a Jackie sale saline. Mm-hmm. Jackie saline. So we're saying the dog can smell when this dude gets a boner

[32:59] Yes, the dog can smell when the dude gets a boner I can also smell when the lady gets a lady boner

[33:03] yes, cuz he says that she has a sweaty smell too and it's gonna be the same smell and when the two of them are

[33:08] Kissing he's of course there and he's like they wrestled a lot and with their mouths

[33:12] They must have thought they had food in there. Was there food hidden in there? And it's like stop stop it grody

[33:18] Is this for kids? Anyway bail Bailey wakes them up in her kids are just dog haters or dog

[33:25] lovers

[33:29] Escaping from the house Ethan Falls hurts his leg a

[33:32] fiery beam falls on it a wooden beam not a laser beam and

[33:37] The next thing we know he's on crutches. He's not going to college. His life is over

[33:41] He's going to like a farm school now. Yeah. Yeah

[33:44] Learn how to take over the farm feels like that fire was set by the University of Michigan

[33:49] To deny their rivals a powerful football player. I see some Wolverine

[33:54] Sneaking around they must have sent Wolverine in his guys as patch to go set this fire

[34:00] Now here's how you can tell the difference between Wolverine and patch. Okay

[34:04] There's an eye patch. All right

[34:06] But otherwise people can never tell that he's the famous Wolverine because they're like Wolverine as a healing factor

[34:11] He'd never lose an eye that I would just grow right back. So this patch character must be I don't know his cousin

[34:18] And he also is a native of Madripoor, right

[34:21] Yes, magic or the shadowy land ever patch when he leaves Madripoor

[34:26] I don't think so. Like is there a place in the airport that he can just leave his his patch

[34:32] There's probably like a locker in the airways in the airport. Yeah, he takes a flight back

[34:36] I mean, he can't take the fucking Blackbird everywhere, dude. No

[34:41] Madripoor

[34:43] Well, the thing is there's no director for the well-known Delta hub

[34:46] There's actually no direct flights between Madripoor in New York

[34:50] You have to go from Madripoor to Genosha from Genosha to Latveria Latveria to Simcaria

[34:56] Simcaria to Wakanda, which is weird

[34:59] Simcaria is in Europe. Also, that's where Silver Sable is from

[35:03] Then back to Wakanda because they that's where the actual hub is and then over to Muir Island

[35:09] Then up to Muir Island then over to the blue area of the moon where the Watcher lives then to add the hidden city of

[35:14] Atoll on and then Savage Land. Let's have that down to the Savage Land. Yeah, aka Detroit

[35:24] Then up to Project Pegasus and

[35:27] finally to

[35:28] Empire State University in New York City

[35:31] How's that for Marvel locations?

[35:34] Where in the world is Marvel going this time?

[35:39] That's the

[35:41] Way you just did. Yeah, I don't I don't get it. You were doing Marvel. Okay, Dan

[35:46] Well, I knew about the melody Roccapella was a friend of mine. Uh-huh. You sir. No Roccapella. No, you're better

[35:55] So long story short, let me tell you about this zombie jamboree in this no, please don't

[36:02] Anyway in the only because there was an assembly at school once where a group came and sang that song and I was like it

[36:08] was endless forever

[36:11] Now in this timeline Bailey dies a natural death of old age then he's reincarnated

[36:19] Bailey is reincarnated as is the next one

[36:24] When he is with the next he's with the college student. No, he is the police dog, right? That's right

[36:30] that's when Dan turned to me and said who is this movie for because he is reincarnated as a police dog who is with a

[36:36] Policeman who has lost his wife in some way either divorce or death

[36:39] We don't know and is lonely all the time. At least things are looking up because it's not all white people

[36:45] No, that's true. Yeah, he's what Latino. Yeah

[36:48] yeah, and I think I think he was like captain the detective on the case of the

[36:54] Missing girl is a black man, of course

[36:56] So they tracked down a missing girl and then it becomes an action scene on a bridge over a river and this is both

[37:02] Wildly out of tone for the movie up to this point the movies these like great sweeping shots around the dam

[37:07] Oh, yeah, of course and of and the dog gets shot and dies during the sequence now

[37:12] this movie

[37:13] spoiler alert

[37:15] We're telling the plot of the movie. Are you talking about the scene? Oh, yeah. Sorry

[37:19] Sorry, they the this is the third of five lives for the dogs

[37:22] The dog gets shot and you'll never guess what happens next click through to find out. It's a slideshow

[37:29] Man the scene where the detective is like sobbing and holding this bleeding dog and

[37:36] Josh Gad's voice says I'm cold. Can I just go lie down in your bed?

[37:42] yeah, no, I mean like the

[37:45] Kidnapper knocks the girl or she falls off the bridge. He throws her off the bridge the dog

[37:50] Goes and rescues the ever throws his daughter off a bridge, right? It's supposed to be his dog

[37:55] Is it I honestly could not tell right before he parkours up the side of the bridge

[38:00] The guy throws her off the off the bridge and then see a spider-man's his way. I don't think he throws her off

[38:05] I think she

[38:06] Hits him with her elbow, but that kicks her off balance and falls off the bridge. I'll have to return the tape

[38:12] Don't watch the movie again

[38:14] Rescues her by swimming and pulling her to the shore and then he also rescues his master by coming in and getting shot

[38:23] Yeah, so this movie up till these scenes has been very pastoral

[38:28] Let's say very slow except for the occasional dog death very gentle

[38:33] Except even the stuff with the drunk dad is like pretty gentle. It's been very Labor Day so far

[38:38] Uh, I guess so it's been except with even less of a sense of like plot or incident

[38:43] It's just kind of like we're just bopping along to dog stuff. This dog is telling us things

[38:48] It's kind of gross, you know

[38:54] Now that's again, that's supposed to be like a funny joke

[38:56] He's like the cat was missing and that was where the movie lost me forever

[39:00] Where a cat carcass was pulled out for a joke boo-hoo. I've never read Edgar Allan Poe

[39:07] I can't deal with a dead cat's body

[39:10] Okay, boo. Recently. I lost my beloved cat. Wow

[39:18] And you you can't see it listeners, but I'm like, right

[39:20] I'm like just twisting my hands next to my face in a way that represents a baby crying. Yeah

[39:29] I'm crying. I don't want to mess my contact lenses up. So I just gotta just twist my hands and they're near my eyes

[39:34] Yeah enough people understand you gotta indicate

[39:37] so

[39:39] What we've oh so up to this point it's been very for the most part gentle and boring

[39:43] This has been a cut mostly a warm bath of a movie. There weren't a lot of gunshots going on

[39:47] No, and then suddenly yeah, it's the 70s and I guess America just got gritty. Yeah, and the dog is involved in crime

[39:55] Yeah, I'll be involved in crime. I mean from the point of view of stopping it

[40:00] Chicago yeah city of big shoulders look pork butcher to the world say something about Chicago dance something nice

[40:06] The Windy City that's neither nice nor not nice say something complimentary

[40:11] It's got

[40:13] It should not take you this long to compliment Chicago

[40:17] The take talk to the Science and Industry Museum is very nice there

[40:21] And you live close of a hair or you grew up close to there not live

[40:25] How far away from Chicago's you go three and a half hours like I didn't spend a lot of time in Chicago

[40:30] Was it too rough for you? No?

[40:32] I only went on school trips pretty much and we mostly went to the Science and Industry Museum

[40:37] Yeah, I remember you complaining about Chiraq before we had a great time

[40:41] We had a great time in Chicago with a very very fun day. That's what I'll say about you

[40:44] That's true. I only wish that I could have gone to the Field Museum to visit the ghost in the darkness

[40:48] But alas I didn't have time

[40:50] But if you're in Chicago, just go visit the lions that that movie is based on they're just stuffed in that museum

[40:56] What the real lion? Yeah, the real ones Wow. Yeah, they look very ratty

[41:02] Okay, I can't they live the goat that lines in the movie

[41:06] No, no, like the lines in the movie much sexier than the real lions, but that's Hollywood, you know

[41:11] They just sex them up all the time the same way George Clooney

[41:16] Yeah

[41:17] As my grandmother said when good night and good luck came out

[41:21] She was very kind of very funny that George Clooney was playing the legendary news producer Fred Friendly

[41:27] Because she had known Fred Friendly and remembered him as a hideously ugly man

[41:31] Now I don't a very nice man and brilliant, but as she said, you know, not not attractive. So, all right

[41:39] But the moving on this dog died. Anyway, this dog dies reincarnated

[41:48] Reincarnated almost instantly in a way that seems kind of like torture to the dog where he's like, can't I rest?

[41:54] He's basically the nameless one from the Planescape

[41:58] Is his soul can never find peace

[42:01] I feel at some point this dog is going to encounter like a devilish death trap created by a previous one of his incarnations

[42:07] And he's going to have to navigate it. Yeah, he's like is it agra jag?

[42:11] Is that the name of the character from Hitchhiker's Guide?

[42:13] Who's

[42:14] Lives only to be murdered by Arthur Dent accidentally over and over again. Yeah, I feel like

[42:21] Spoiler alert he comes one of his later incarnations encounters

[42:26] you know the family that you that

[42:28] That owned one of his previous lives and I kept expecting him to like find the grave

[42:35] Dig up his own body and just stare at it. They would he would touch the bones and then they'd time cop

[42:41] Yeah

[42:43] You and me are on the same page

[42:46] now

[42:47] now he's reincarnated as a dog who was owned by a college student and she is very lonely and she gets married has kids and

[42:55] They have a dog. They have a dog. Also, it's very boring

[42:57] Yeah this point which I think makes up for the boringness. It may be

[43:03] Old age and it's just a very pizza consumption. Yeah this she's constantly feeding him human food

[43:08] Which is not good for a dog and it's not good for the owner if you get my drift if you don't like to clean

[43:13] Up wet loose stool. Don't feed your dog human. I do like to clean up wet loose stool

[43:18] Oh, well, then feed your dog pizza and ice cream and all that stuff. Yeah

[43:22] All right, that's happens in the 80s, which is very subtly signified by as soon as he emerges in the world

[43:28] You hear da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da songs of the Angels

[43:35] I

[43:37] Sorry, I don't sound enough like a synthesizer

[43:41] Yeah

[43:42] Yeah, so I like this Corgi version of him because Corgis are adorable. Oh, yeah

[43:48] From the highest Queen to the lowest peasant. Everyone loves a Corgi. I

[43:53] Gotta get this off my chest guys. I think dogs are adorable. Yeah, I know you're gonna out of there in the fucking limb

[44:00] I'm gonna get some angry tweets directed at me that I think dogs are cute

[44:04] But you know what? I think they're all pretty Stuart wasn't Stuart wasn't enough of an internet hunk, darling

[44:09] He had to go ahead and say what are you gonna tell me like firefly next?

[44:18] You know what, you know what I don't want to I don't want the internet to hate me but you know, it's delicious tacos

[44:24] I

[44:31] This dog dies not this is gonna stand up and say that all people should be treated with respect and dignity

[44:44] So this this life is like filler life

[44:46] They're just wait, they're treading water until the next life, which is when things get sad

[44:51] Encounters an important thing like he encountered a thing earlier when he was the cop dog about the idea of like, oh

[44:58] Loneliness is bad one else in their life

[45:01] Loneliness, he literally says loneliness is the worst thing that can happen

[45:05] Elliot and I held hands during that scene. Yeah, and then

[45:09] In the in the next life. He got to see

[45:12] Two people find a relationship

[45:14] Granted he saw it through his own relationship because he was in love with a much larger dog

[45:19] Yeah, see and their lovemaking has to be imagined, but I'm sure it's hilarious. He has to get up on like a little doggy steps

[45:25] Oh, yeah, there is super sexy. It depends on what you're into. Oh, sure. Sure. It's also not

[45:32] It's not clear whether or not this dog the the dog that he's in love with

[45:36] Also is like a body jumping semi sentient creature

[45:40] We have to assume so and the question is is like why did he seem to gain sentience when he did?

[45:46] Is he like a Forrest Gump like malevolent Sprite that travels through the is that what century force compass?

[45:53] Yes

[45:55] But you got he's notice how he's the thread that runs through the 20th century and you know

[45:59] What else runs through the 20th century evil?

[46:01] Okay, Forrest Gump leaves destruction in his wake Jenny gets AIDS

[46:05] Lieutenant Dan loses his legs Bubba dies. Yeah, everything Forrest Gump touches he destroys

[46:10] We don't worry except for the Apple corporation and that ping-pong paddle. He touches I guess sees the world

[46:17] well, and that feather too and

[46:19] Of course, it gets across the lesson that we all should have learned which is that hippies and Vietnam War protesters

[46:26] And I guess Black Panthers were nothing but selfish miscreants and really it's the quiet

[46:32] Americans who just put their heads down and get along did what the government told them and then invested in corporations

[46:38] Those are the real heroes, you know, yeah

[46:40] Intelligence is the enemy Forrest Gump have been really fucking famous. Why wouldn't people sitting on that park bench recognize he gets famous?

[46:47] He's running coast to coast, but he has a beard then I mean, but Tom Hanks is like a super recognizable, dude

[46:53] Well, of course it was if it was Tom Hanks. Yes, people raise me. He was famous. They'd be like, aren't you David pumpkins?

[46:59] Mm-hmm. Weren't you Turner? Mm-hmm. Hey, hey, honey. It's the man with one red shoe over here

[47:12] Right now Amazon Prime you can watch really I guess someone's someone's bonfiring a vanity over here

[47:19] I can only imagine

[47:21] sometime in the distant future where somebody cracks open a cryo vault and

[47:26] Finds an old iPod with this episode of the podcast and they queue it up and they hear the name David s pumpkins and they go

[47:33] Oh, yes, the most important

[47:36] Contribution to the world of comedy say how dare they blaspheme our God

[47:40] This is an evil robot evil spirit in this box

[47:43] And then they'll put it in front of an altar of Tom Hanks wearing that pumpkin suit and they'll just burn it

[47:48] Say this pleases you pumpkins pleases you. Yes good harvest this year

[47:53] Not not enough child blood for you more for you pumpkins good harvest good

[47:58] It's called a catechol for David s pumpkins a little bit

[48:02] It's a good book. Very good book

[48:05] Anyway, we're reaching the the finish line

[48:08] Just and we're at the most well the dog briefly has a very sad life

[48:12] Yeah living with a bunch of let's just call them white trash who hate you mistreat him

[48:16] He is let loose and then when he's on his own he discovers. Hey

[48:22] He discovers his old owner Ethan and

[48:25] Ethan's old girlfriend and manages to bring him back together and at the very end

[48:30] He proves that it's him to Ethan by performing that football trick

[48:34] And when Ethan goes, are you that the dog the boss dog, which is something that he used to call Bailey's a child

[48:39] He barks he goes

[48:41] Bailey and the dog barks and as Dan point out we were watching it only Bailey would bark when someone something said to him

[48:47] No other dog would ever bark at a thing

[48:49] Yeah, that's that's far harder to believe than the idea that this dog is soul-hopping through time

[48:56] Dennis at this moment, this is Dennis Quaid. I'm sorry

[48:58] Who's the older Ethan is Dennis Quaid and at this moment?

[49:01] We expect to believe that Dennis Quaid who's presented to us before as a sane

[49:05] Rational human being who was good enough to maybe play football for Michigan State. Yeah is now within a moment

[49:12] Instantly by enters into buys into the idea of either dog reincarnation or that Bailey faked his death went to Rio

[49:20] Got plastic surgery to look like a younger dog and it has decided to return anyway

[49:26] The movie leaves it up to the viewer to decide which of these Dennis Quaid believes

[49:29] I am shocked that he doesn't collapse on the ground with a nosebleed

[49:34] Comprehending

[49:38] That a secret of the universe has just been revealed to him and the whole time the dogs like what's my purpose?

[49:44] What's my purpose? What's my purpose in the end?

[49:46] He decides what his purpose is what companionship like jumping and catching fucking football. It's to be here now is what he says

[49:53] Yeah, it is to live in the moment is what is the purpose?

[49:57] Because of the you know this dog

[50:00] It's the same lesson that you get from every movie where a

[50:03] Businessman who's too busy for his family

[50:05] Goes into an altered timeline or becomes a kid or goes to never Neverland like hey

[50:10] You know what I should just be here in the moment with my family

[50:13] So I'm glad that this dog had to die four times to learn this

[50:17] Yeah, this dog. He died he died to teach us a lesson. He died for our sins and was resurrected

[50:23] So they should call this movie Christ dog so now that he's done. This does he get to fucking leap home

[50:28] Yeah, he did he's lives with Ethan that's his own

[50:32] Fucking Sam was showing up the whole time those it's Ziggy. No, no

[50:40] Sam is to the left. He's so mad himself for not remembering

[50:44] Quantumly character names Al Dean Stockwell. Yeah, you're talking about if Al showed up

[50:50] That would be great like Ziggy says there's a 32% chance that you have to I don't know protect the family from a fire

[50:57] or some shit

[50:59] Yeah, something like that and then and then he just takes a microphone and sings a candy-colored Sandman

[51:04] I think you may be confusing different

[51:09] He's the boy with green hair, right?

[51:11] No, they're very different people and they're both in Paris, Texas until the moment where they shake hands and they merge together like in Timecop

[51:18] All right, so we've been going very long. It's time to do final judgments. Whether this is

[51:25] Yeah, yeah, we got to do whether this is our editor Ziggy a good bad movie a bad bad movie

[51:31] I'm gonna be kind of like Ziggy sabatka

[51:34] another famous pop culture Ziggy

[51:37] I'm gonna go I'm gonna say this is a bad bad movie. But the move the reason

[51:41] May surprise you and that's because this movie kind of worked on me and that made me angry

[51:47] like victim to its

[51:48] Manipulations the movie was manipulating my feelings and it was so obvious in the way. It was manipulating my feelings that it was not a

[51:54] Good movie, but the fact that it made me feel emotions made me feel angry movie knows the tricks

[51:59] It's like happy dog dog happy dog dead dog

[52:04] Yeah, happy dog. You see dog happy dog. You happy now dead dog. You sad now

[52:09] Well, yeah, I mean as you mentioned before that's a caveman directing the movie

[52:13] I didn't have to like put my cat down like not

[52:17] Overly long ago isn't enough. Yeah, and to remember what it is, like

[52:22] No, Archie is still alive and kicking and scratching my crotch every chance it gets and they have a literal scene where you know

[52:28] Like they take the dog to the vet put her to sleep and I'm just like why do you have to fucking do this?

[52:33] We movie I know you're not a good movie

[52:35] But you're making me cry just because you're touching something in my real life that hurt me

[52:40] So I guess what you're saying is a ball python once and it made me really sad. Yeah, I

[52:45] Guess what you're saying Dan is if you could talk this movie, you'd say bad movie bad movie bad dogs

[52:51] Purpose hit it with a rolled-up newspaper and you'd shove the the movie's nose into itself. That's right. So it could smell itself

[53:00] I'm gonna go with Dan. I think you know what? It's I didn't like it. It's except for the dog dying four times

[53:07] It's real and being mistreated throughout. It's it's it. It's like the movie is kind of like barely there

[53:13] It's a bad bad movie

[53:14] but for me it was less because it worked and more because it failed to work for me on such a simple level the movie was

[53:21] So basic and so just a wisp of the thing. There was very little going on in it that I was I was like

[53:28] We watch this movie for like an hour and like it's barely a movie

[53:31] And so I would say I mean I have to a certain point

[53:34] I guess they're trying to go for like an off a sard Baltazar type thing, which but I didn't work

[53:41] You know, however that's pronounced, you know, there's there's some stuff in this movie that I think there's some stuff that I like

[53:48] Obviously, I like seeing puppets running around being dogs

[53:52] You love mispronouncing words. I and there's some shots that I think are beautiful

[53:57] There's some really beautiful shots of like a farm and like foggy mornings and a sweet puppets. It's not a bad-looking movie

[54:04] It's a well very nicely shot on the other hand

[54:07] I get so uncomfortable now of shots and stories that like reek of like shitty

[54:15] Americana nostalgia and

[54:17] It just it just doesn't work for me. Like I I can't do it anymore

[54:22] And this movie wasn't particularly good and the idea of a dog that is jumping bodies over and over and over

[54:28] It's fucking insane and creepy

[54:31] Yeah, I agree

[54:38] How do you say cheese in Spanish

[54:40] What show should I have on my DVR? What are the best songs of the year? It's VR cool

[54:47] What's your jam? Which one of you is the Renata of the panel?

[54:52] For answers to these questions and so much more come on over to pop rocket a pop culture roundtable discussion

[54:57] That always has a fun diverse panel talking about the stuff

[55:01] Just every Wednesday on maximum fun.org or wherever you decide to get your podcast, I'm not gonna judge

[55:11] Mugs shirts stickers patches tanks and more are yours for the purchasing at max fun store.com

[55:18] Hey, you already love the podcasts

[55:20] So why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch

[55:25] Max fun store.com because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours

[55:33] So moving on we have a couple of sponsors to talk about tonight they help fund the flop house

[55:41] Number one is welcome to the fund house

[55:46] Just trying it out. This is a real super fun site the flop house because we're not far from the Gowanus area. Yeah

[55:55] Hey, are you hiring? You know where to post your job to find the best leaving your job

[56:01] Recruiter you can post your job to 100 plus job sites with just one click. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So zip recruiter

[56:07] Allows me to post job listings to over a hundred sites and social networks like Facebook and who's leaving his job

[56:15] Oh, no, you heard it here first. Dan is leaving his job. Nope. And what's that?

[56:19] Transitioning. Yeah. Hey more power to you, man. I'm proud of you career. I'm proud of you

[56:24] You can just put a listing up on zip recruiter for I don't know like in

[56:28] What what is it?

[56:29] What's it called the guys that that people hire to crawl around like dogs with dog collars on and be like their slaves

[56:35] For sexual reasons what is that? That's the kind of job Dan wants

[56:38] So just put up a listing for that on zip recruiter and you can hire down King. That's a job

[56:43] I would have to say I mean

[56:45] It's no job feels like work when you love it

[56:49] When you love your work, it doesn't feel like a job. Don't know why we have to be taking down innocent kinksters in

[56:57] I'm just impressed that that's a thing you can do for a living like if that's something you just like to do

[57:01] That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean look there's no reason you shouldn't do it as a job make sense

[57:06] I'm sure there's a union for it

[57:08] Listen zip recruiter zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you it finds

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[57:42] That's if recruiter comm slash first one more time to try for free go to zip recruiter

[57:46] Comm flash first I can only assume some of our listeners are business owners. Yeah, sure

[57:53] big businesses the biggest

[57:55] The members of the band big business who are looking for a guitar players a movie big business

[58:01] Bidler and Lillie Tomlin. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They play twins or two sets of twins

[58:08] Awesome, they should have called that movie awesome two sets of twins the movie twin twins

[58:15] So zip recruiter tried today if you're a company or a person you're hiring somebody zip recruiter

[58:20] The flop us is also supported in part by Casper an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price

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[59:09] How do you sleep like terms and conditions apply? Yeah sleep like a Dan Casper. That's right, Dan

[59:15] You're a Casper user. I want to hear about their sink and their bounce as you said it

[59:20] All the sink start with the sink. Yeah, which is great. You have pillow fights on the bed. Mm-hmm

[59:26] How's that bed? Hold up?

[59:29] Uh

[59:30] It's good. Archie gets a little rough with the pillow fights. Mm-hmm. Sometimes you have to be like Archie Archie

[59:35] This is for fun. This is for fun Archie Archie. You're hurting me. Stop it Archie. Stop it. Okay now that now

[59:42] What about the bounce?

[59:43] the bounce my friends

[59:46] Is where the Casper mattress really sings? Oh the bounce

[59:51] Boy, howdy you go down you go up you go down you go up. It's a classic bounce situation

[59:58] They made a movie about it

[1:00:00] That's right, Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow.

[1:00:01] Can I just loosen my collar here a little bit?

[1:00:04] Get a little, yeah, steamy.

[1:00:06] I made a movie with Owen Wilson that no one watched.

[1:00:09] It's called The Big Bounce, and it was all about Casper mattresses.

[1:00:11] When you and Archie are playing sandworm on the bed,

[1:00:14] that's where you wrap yourself up in the blanket

[1:00:16] and then you roll around like you're a giant sandworm.

[1:00:20] That's right.

[1:00:21] How's the Casper mattress?

[1:00:22] Hold up, does it feel like you're rolling around in the sands of Arrakis?

[1:00:25] Yeah, the dune planet.

[1:00:28] Why would I want to roll around on a bunch of sand?

[1:00:30] Because you're a maker, and you're making spice.

[1:00:34] Fair enough.

[1:00:35] Because the Fremen depend on you.

[1:00:37] That's part of the game, is you get to be something bigger than what you are in your real life.

[1:00:40] Yeah, exactly.

[1:00:41] When you read it, did you read that as Fremen?

[1:00:43] Or Fremen?

[1:00:44] I read it as Freeman.

[1:00:45] I know that it was supposed to be like Freeman,

[1:00:48] but then I started thinking they all looked like Morgan Freeman.

[1:00:50] Oh, okay.

[1:00:51] You were like, I am not a Fremen, I am a Freeman!

[1:00:55] Yeah, just like Patrick McFremen.

[1:00:59] Now, Dan.

[1:01:00] Yeah.

[1:01:02] A lot of questions being thrown around tonight.

[1:01:03] No, your mention of pillow fights made me think of a cute story about my son.

[1:01:06] Okay.

[1:01:07] Now, my son likes to stand on my mattress, which, alas, is not a Casper,

[1:01:11] and have a pillow fight, which means he just hits me in the face with a pillow.

[1:01:15] I started doing a bit where I take a pillow and then fluff it,

[1:01:18] and then say, okay, miss, I fluffed you, you're not going to hit me now, right?

[1:01:22] And the pillow nods, and then it hits me anyway.

[1:01:24] He thinks this is hilarious, and he started repeating this bit back to me,

[1:01:28] but very elaborately, where he's like, I'm going to fluff the pillow now.

[1:01:31] Okay, Mr. Pillow, you're not going to hit me now.

[1:01:33] Oh, I won't hit you, Sammy!

[1:01:35] Okay, and then his stunt work is not so great, but he mimes getting hit by the pillow,

[1:01:40] and it's like, and he's like, hey, you hit me!

[1:01:42] And I'm very proud of him.

[1:01:44] Does he do a thing where he hits himself and then, like, super delayed,

[1:01:47] like, jumps up and falls on the floor, on the bed?

[1:01:51] Uh, no.

[1:01:52] Because I find that that was what I would do when I was hitting myself with a pillow.

[1:01:57] The more the delay is, the funnier it is,

[1:02:00] that it would make no sense that it would take this long for that pillow strike to lay me low.

[1:02:04] That's a good joke, that's a good joke.

[1:02:05] He's not quite there yet, but he's throwing my jokes back at me very well.

[1:02:11] There's another bit we do, where he makes soup for me in the bath by just scooping water into a cup,

[1:02:17] and then I pretend that, oh, I can't wait to taste this soup,

[1:02:20] and just as I'm about to bring it to my lips, I go,

[1:02:23] achoo, and mime sneezing, and I hurl the water back into the tub, spilling it.

[1:02:28] He thinks that's hilarious.

[1:02:30] Yeah.

[1:02:31] Have you actually done that at a restaurant yet?

[1:02:33] No, he's going to think it's less hilarious when scalding soup comes flying through the air.

[1:02:37] Yep.

[1:02:38] And he's like, why am I taking a bath in the restaurant, Dad?

[1:02:42] That's crazy.

[1:02:43] We all float in this restaurant, Dad.

[1:02:47] Yeah, do you ever, does your son ever say things?

[1:02:50] Yes.

[1:02:51] That are totally terrifying?

[1:02:53] Occasionally.

[1:02:53] Well, my son is in this...

[1:02:55] Does he, like, look over your shoulder and say, there's my secret friend, and you're like, what is happening?

[1:03:00] Dad, all I wanted to say was, ring around the rosy.

[1:03:05] No, what he does is, he's both very articulate for a three-year-old,

[1:03:08] and then also very prone to speaking in tongues, so he'll just be like,

[1:03:12] And I'm like, what demon are you conjuring?

[1:03:19] Now, when I was a young child, I've been told by my brother, John, who's ten years older than me,

[1:03:26] that he came across me once in my room, rocking back and forth and saying,

[1:03:31] evil spirits come today, evil spirits come to stay.

[1:03:37] And this has disturbed me for many years.

[1:03:41] It explains a lot, to be honest.

[1:03:42] Yeah, your life is falling into place in a way that I didn't expect.

[1:03:46] Oh, man.

[1:03:48] It was like, I'm Chaz Palminteri at the end of Usual Suspect.

[1:03:52] Oh, no, you just dropped your favorite mug.

[1:03:54] Oh, no, it's just made by Ann McCoy.

[1:04:00] Yeah.

[1:04:01] So what comes next on the show, Dan?

[1:04:02] Next time.

[1:04:03] Or should I tell you more stories about my amazing son?

[1:04:05] No, I'm going to tell you a story about J-J-J-Jumbo Tron.

[1:04:08] Jumbo Tron.

[1:04:09] It's Jumbo Tron time.

[1:04:10] Jumbo Tron time, guys.

[1:04:14] This message is from The Secret Coven of the Sisters of the Flop.

[1:04:20] The message is for, this is Hanley voice, let me see if I can do this.

[1:04:25] The ladies know who this message is for.

[1:04:28] How was that?

[1:04:29] It sounded like you with a little more sass.

[1:04:32] Okay.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:33] Perfect.

[1:04:34] Ladies, let's talk about your pelvic floor.

[1:04:37] We all know we should Kegel, but who can remember to do them on the regular?

[1:04:43] This is your reminder, my lovelies.

[1:04:45] Squeeze and hold and release.

[1:04:50] If you remember nothing else, try to remember to Kegel every time you hear Dan sigh.

[1:04:55] Soon, we will have the strength to defeat the patriarchy and rule the world.

[1:05:02] I feel disingenuous reading that.

[1:05:04] Yeah.

[1:05:08] Is that an important reminder or a chilling augur of things to come?

[1:05:13] Yeah.

[1:05:14] Hey, I bring it on.

[1:05:15] You either just foretold the Handmaid's Tale or stopped the Handmaid's Tale from coming.

[1:05:21] The Handmaid's Tale?

[1:05:23] Is that the...

[1:05:26] Park Shambler?

[1:05:27] Yeah, the Park Shambler.

[1:05:28] No, that's just called the Handmaiden.

[1:05:29] Okay.

[1:05:30] Handmaid's Tale is a different thing.

[1:05:32] Oh, okay.

[1:05:33] Oh, boy.

[1:05:35] Oh, boy.

[1:05:35] I roll over way better when I remembered things.

[1:05:39] I've got a jumbo time message to this.

[1:05:41] A message for Mark from Steven.

[1:05:44] And the message is, happy birthday to my favorite brother to watch all the greatest movies with.

[1:05:48] The Great Mouse Detective, The Great Muppet Caper, and of course, Faithful Findings.

[1:05:52] No matter, hit it, Rockapella, where in the world you are parking your carcass when you hear this.

[1:05:58] I hope you find the file that makes you sweep all the laptops off your desk in excitement.

[1:06:03] Thanks for the jumbotrons, guys.

[1:06:06] And the grand-ass message.

[1:06:07] We have some things to promote, right, Dan?

[1:06:09] Yeah, we do have some things to promote.

[1:06:11] We've got a live show on June the 9th.

[1:06:15] At the Bell House.

[1:06:16] At the Bell House.

[1:06:17] In beautiful Brooklyn.

[1:06:17] That one's sold out yet?

[1:06:18] Our early show is sold out.

[1:06:20] Our late show, the one at 10 p.m., is, as of this taping, not sold out.

[1:06:26] Oh, man, that one's gonna be dark and dirty, guys, because that is...

[1:06:29] Fifty Shades Darker.

[1:06:32] On 69, dudes.

[1:06:34] Oh, boy, it's gonna be...

[1:06:35] If you ever want...

[1:06:36] You think this show's filthy, with its talk of pre-cum.

[1:06:39] That show is going to be super filth-a-rong-a.

[1:06:42] I think I saw Elliott shiver when he just said that.

[1:06:43] It's not a word I like.

[1:06:46] It's gonna...

[1:06:46] I guarantee you...

[1:06:47] Pre-ejaculate?

[1:06:48] I...

[1:06:49] No.

[1:06:50] It was worse when you said that, and then smiled at Elliott.

[1:06:52] That was not, like, a thing that I liked.

[1:06:55] I guarantee you that everyone will leave that Fifty Shades Darker show feeling gross and ashamed of themselves.

[1:07:01] Yeah, you don't want to get in the splash zone on that one.

[1:07:03] You want to stay near the back of the room.

[1:07:05] I mean, it's possible that we'll just lose control, and the whole room will turn into an all-out orgy of guys in black t-shirts.

[1:07:12] But probably not.

[1:07:14] Probably we'll all just feel gross, because we'll say words that are disgusting in front of people.

[1:07:18] And we have another show to promote, right?

[1:07:21] There's one in Philly.

[1:07:23] On July 16th.

[1:07:25] Philadelphia, the city of big sandwiches.

[1:07:28] That's part of the Philly Podfest.

[1:07:30] Cheez Whiz Central.

[1:07:33] You got one?

[1:07:35] Home of the Philly Podfest.

[1:07:36] Okay.

[1:07:37] Which our show will be part of on July 16th.

[1:07:39] And that show is at 8 o'clock, I believe?

[1:07:41] Yeah.

[1:07:43] 8 o'clock on a Sunday night, January.

[1:07:46] On July 16th.

[1:07:47] And I am going to be rushing to Philadelphia from my aunt's birthday party in Manhattan.

[1:07:51] So, I'm gonna be there, and I have to make a real effort.

[1:07:55] So you guys better be there, too.

[1:07:56] And by you guys, I mean the audience, and also Dan and Stuart.

[1:07:59] And I'm gonna be probably working through some kind of hangover.

[1:08:02] So, if you want to do an Elliott Day in Philadelphia, here's what I recommend.

[1:08:07] One, get a cheesesteak.

[1:08:09] Two, go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

[1:08:12] Go see the world's greatest collection of Marcel Duchamp's work.

[1:08:15] And also, the statue that used to be on top of the old Madison Square Garden years and years ago.

[1:08:20] Should be in New York, but it's not.

[1:08:22] It's in Philadelphia.

[1:08:23] Then, kill some time for a few hours, and then come see us.

[1:08:26] Record a live episode of The Flophouse.

[1:08:28] Yeah, head down to that store, The Reliquary, that sells heavy metal records and Warhammer dudes.

[1:08:32] Yeah, go ahead. Go for it.

[1:08:34] And so, those are our plugs.

[1:08:35] So, those are our live shows.

[1:08:36] June 9th at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[1:08:38] July 16th in Philadelphia.

[1:08:40] And I have a correction, guys.

[1:08:42] I want to start—when mistakes and things I say are pointed out to me online,

[1:08:46] I want to start correcting them just to correct the record.

[1:08:48] So, in the last episode, I erroneously credited Anne Hathaway with an Oscar win for Rachel getting married.

[1:08:56] In fact, it was Les Miserables that she won that Academy Award for.

[1:09:01] Yes.

[1:09:02] So, that's a correction from me.

[1:09:04] I apologize to anyone who was making an Anne Hathaway almanac and was misled by my incorrect memory.

[1:09:11] On a long overdue correction from me, of course, Walter Hill did not correct Midnight Run.

[1:09:17] It was Martin Brest.

[1:09:19] Martin Brest.

[1:09:20] How could you forget him?

[1:09:22] I guess if his name was Martin Butts, you'd remember him.

[1:09:24] While we're doing corrections, guys, I don't want to say anything because I'm great and I never mess anything up.

[1:09:31] So, I don't mean to shame you all.

[1:09:33] I mean, if anything, that's the greatest error of all.

[1:09:35] Yeah, that's the thing, being too perfect.

[1:09:37] Yeah, exactly.

[1:09:37] That's what I say when I go to job interviews.

[1:09:39] I work too hard.

[1:09:41] I think I hold myself to too high a standard.

[1:09:43] Also—

[1:09:44] I just care too much.

[1:09:45] I have this thing where I have sex with couches in the office,

[1:09:49] but mostly it's that I work too hard and I hold myself to too high a standard.

[1:09:52] Yeah, I treat that couch super well afterwards.

[1:09:54] Oh, yeah, I make love to the couch.

[1:09:56] We have brunch and stuff later.

[1:09:58] Yeah, yeah, and I give—

[1:10:00] And then I give it a gift basket full of Derek Jeter memorabilia as is the proper thing to do the next morning. Yeah

[1:10:07] Now is the time on the podcast where we answer letters from listeners like you

[1:10:13] letters are as

[1:10:16] such

[1:10:17] This one is titled on butts and such it's from Justin last name withheld. Hi Justin who writes

[1:10:25] Justin Theroux star of TV's The Leftovers, which should not be left over this season. You should watch it

[1:10:30] I think I actually don't though. I don't like that show

[1:10:34] We're in on a real trip for that

[1:10:38] Man, I've roasted the city of Detroit and the TV show

[1:10:41] Yeah, you get a hail care whose toes you step on you have no friends left

[1:10:45] You know as they say the mark of a true journalist is when he dies and no one attends his funeral

[1:10:50] Then you gotta make sure to tag this episode bridge burn

[1:10:55] Just put this in the in the hot takes

[1:10:59] Maybe like make the explicit tag

[1:11:02] super

[1:11:03] Super like cover with flame. Yeah, so what does Justin Theroux say on butts and such?

[1:11:07] I recently rewatched lethal weapon for the first time in probably a couple of decades

[1:11:12] And was disappointed to find that it did not live up to my childhood memories

[1:11:16] Nonetheless, I was struck by how much nudity played a part at the beginning of the movie in the very first scene

[1:11:22] The half-naked call girl does some poison drugs proceeds to throw herself from the balcony of a condo

[1:11:27] Cut to Murtaugh's family surprising him while he's taking a bath with a birthday cake a close inspection

[1:11:32] Why was he taking a bath with a birthday cake?

[1:11:35] That's weird

[1:11:37] A close inspection of the water reveals

[1:11:39] He's not taking a lush bubble bath. The water looks a little cloudy at best with some sparse bubbles here and there

[1:11:44] He's a cop. He's not made out of bubbles

[1:11:47] So, you know that his wife and kids can clearly make out his 50 year old dong just under the surface of the water

[1:11:52] The scene is great because as a father it perfectly shows that you're right to any sort of private space ends the moment your kids

[1:11:57] Can walk Oh

[1:11:59] Believe me, that's the case

[1:12:00] I have to use the toilet with my hand pressed up against the door to stop a three-year-old

[1:12:05] Gremlin from pushing it open and wandering in to tell lock on your door

[1:12:09] Well, that's the fault of my landlord for not putting locks on the doors

[1:12:12] I do that too because my cat meows if I don't let him in

[1:12:16] I'll let him in and then muscles meows at me until I pet him and then he falls down and if I keep petting him

[1:12:22] He attacks me if I don't keep petting him. He jumps up and attacks me

[1:12:26] It's a real damned if you do damned if you don't type

[1:12:30] He goes on finally the next scene we are treated to a lengthy dose of Melgic Mel Gibson's Aussie ass cheeks

[1:12:36] So I asked you to be his fucking calling card, by the way

[1:12:39] Yeah

[1:12:39] He's to show his butt a lot ask you when and literally he would leave his butt at the scenes of crimes that he committed

[1:12:45] It was calling card

[1:12:47] So I asked your boss. Here's my book

[1:12:50] When and why did our major motion pictures become so prudish your most obedient and humble servant just some last name withheld

[1:12:57] I would say that

[1:12:59] American movies go in cycles of

[1:13:02] Libertine age nests and prudery

[1:13:05] Going through the 30s into the late 30s and 40s you had from the 50s into the 60s and 70s and then back again

[1:13:12] so like by the time of

[1:13:15] That there was that period in the 80s when almost every comedy seemed to have nudity in it and even some family movies had

[1:13:21] But nudity in it then by the late 80s early 90s

[1:13:25] That was shifting away and you just had kind of action movies and thrillers

[1:13:28] Would show boobs and now even that's pretty much gone away and who knows maybe it's sometime that'll change

[1:13:34] But for some reason we are in a cycle. Maybe it's changed a little bit for comedy

[1:13:38] I think I'll help answer this question guys. It's because of money. Yeah. Well, that's it

[1:13:42] They've got it. They've got to attract as many people the movie is that's what I was gonna say

[1:13:46] I think that the 80s had an advantage because it was a time of like they had the advantage of

[1:13:53] relaxed standards and movies, but by the time

[1:13:57] Our time comes around people have worried so much about appealing to such a broad audience that it's all pg-13 stuff

[1:14:04] Yeah, I'm gonna paraphrase

[1:14:06] director James Mangold

[1:14:08] the director of Logan a movie that I still haven't seen I haven't seen he was talking about he was talking about that sort of

[1:14:14] thing and he was talking about how

[1:14:17] Movies, especially like big summer movies have to appeal to the broadest audience possible. And so that's basically like

[1:14:24] Second-graders and that when he was in second grade his favorite TV show was Alf

[1:14:30] So that's basically a sign that he was an idiot when he was in second grade and that in general I'm sorry

[1:14:36] What are you saying? I think I think I need to correct you Stuart since as you pointed out

[1:14:41] I don't know why you're shooting the messenger as you as shooting me as you pointed out. You've never made a mistake

[1:14:46] I believe you're confusing what James Mangold said with what Matt Singer said coming off of what James Mangold said

[1:14:53] I could easily be doing that that my least favorite movie critic Matt Singer was

[1:15:00] Matt Singer who is very bad at hero clicks might I add

[1:15:04] You would know strangely. I would say there's also the international market is not as welcoming to nudity as it once was years ago

[1:15:11] I would because the international market over to Europe. I thought they're all like boobs and wieners

[1:15:16] Well, the international market used to be like Europe and now it's more Asia and they're not into boobs and wieners

[1:15:23] Not in the same way

[1:15:24] Everyone has like every place has its different things that they're okay with and not okay with they are the best parts

[1:15:31] But uh, the vote of the body or yeah, I would say it's a combination of things

[1:15:36] but I do think I think we'll see that cycle turn again at some point as

[1:15:40] Either movies become more of a niche thing and don't worry about capturing a mass audience anymore

[1:15:48] Yeah, and then eventually a return of prudishness as we have to appeal to aliens who don't want to see those

[1:15:54] disgusting human nude bits

[1:15:56] This next letter is from Randall last name withheld who writes Randall flag. Oh, no from the stand

[1:16:03] I ended up checking out an old Hollywood auction catalog and lo and behold

[1:16:07] I found a holy grail of yours the original weasel stand-in rehearsal puppet from who framed Roger

[1:16:14] Estimated at three to five thousand dollars reasonable

[1:16:19] Which brings me to this question

[1:16:21] Besides the weasel. What is your true?

[1:16:23] Holy grail of movie props or memorabilia what movie item that you might encounter would tempt you to break the bank?

[1:16:29] I can only imagine the ding-dong sleds and whatnots might do so

[1:16:33] Thanks, and please pass on my love for Archie Randall last name withheld interesting who asked this question Randall a rental flight

[1:16:40] That's right. It's injured. It's interesting that the greatest villain in Stephen King's

[1:16:45] Ouvra would ask this question now because there's something I've been thinking about lately and actually I've been talking to my wife about

[1:16:51] there is one thing that is I have never been able to justify the expense of and yet if

[1:16:57] I find one on the market again, I think I will

[1:17:00] go for it because

[1:17:02] It's like this is the thing that's always only out and that is that every now and then an original drawing from Gertie

[1:17:08] The dinosaur goes up on auction. This is the Windsor McCay cartoon from

[1:17:13] 1916 I think it was and

[1:17:15] That he drew it all himself and because he didn't have cells every drawing he did for it has the background has everything

[1:17:22] He drew thousands of drawings for this cartoon and every now and then an original frame from it or drawing from it goes up for

[1:17:28] Auction for like for a while years ago. They were up for around $5,000 lately

[1:17:32] It's more like eight to ten and it's like I've always been like I can't justify spending that much money on a drawing of a dinosaur

[1:17:39] And yet if I see it, but it's gone by so many times and as I say to myself

[1:17:45] It's partly an investment in value in an in a piece of original art

[1:17:49] But more than anything it's something I want really badly

[1:17:51] So if you flop house listeners ever see a Gertie the dinosaur drawing up for auction somewhere

[1:17:56] Let me know because I want to buy one

[1:17:59] Yeah, this is a tough question. I mean, I have a couple answers. So like let's assume there's a couple of holy grails for me

[1:18:06] Mm-hmm

[1:18:07] Obviously, I want something that I'm gonna get a lot of use out of so it would probably be either the snakeskin jacket from

[1:18:15] Wild at Heart that sailor wears

[1:18:20] Yeah, as he says or maybe a pair of sunglasses from they live

[1:18:26] Or the cat corpse from

[1:18:33] Reanimator would you settle for the cat corpse from a dog's purpose?

[1:18:37] Maybe can I squirt it full of reagent probably but I don't think my wife would let me display that one

[1:18:45] but I think my number one would be the original puppet of

[1:18:49] The lady gremlin from gremlins 2 so I could give it to Dan for a 10-year anniversary

[1:18:53] Yeah, they had that Stan Winston auction recently and there's so much gremlin stuff in it

[1:18:58] Yeah, you stole the thing that I was gonna say

[1:19:00] The lady gremlin not the lady gremlin specifically, but any original gremlins puppet would be my thing

[1:19:06] I'm surprised actually that Elliot didn't go for that. See I had notes here

[1:19:10] Gertie dinosaur cell and gremlins puppet. So we can all agree. I decided to go with the one that I'm

[1:19:16] Even if you have to

[1:19:19] Stealth into Robert Picardo's home like a ninja from tenshu the video game

[1:19:26] Steal the what you think Robert Picardo has it cuz he's still in love with her

[1:19:30] How like he met her once on the set of gremlins 2 and had to take her home and then they're in love forever

[1:19:36] So you have to steal her real Kevin Klein Phoebe Kate situation like

[1:19:41] Like Paris and take her away to Dan's

[1:19:47] But yeah, if there was if like there was that Stan Winston auction and they had a lot of gremlins to stuff up

[1:19:51] They had a bat gremlin. I think they had the lady gremlin electric gremlin. Well, that was an animation

[1:19:56] So no, but they had so many and it was another

[1:20:00] When it was like, that was one where I can, I've talked to my wife about it, and she said like,

[1:20:05] that Grady the Dinosaur thing, I know it means a lot to you.

[1:20:07] In the end, we can afford it probably someday, and something that'll appreciate in value, like you should buy it.

[1:20:13] But the gremlins puppet, and we can display that.

[1:20:15] A gremlins puppet, she's never going to be okay with me displaying that.

[1:20:19] Like, can I put this bat monster up in the house?

[1:20:22] That's insane. That's an amazing thing to put in the house.

[1:20:24] I know, not until I have my own study slash office where I'll put like an elephant skull or something.

[1:20:30] Not an elephant skull, like a Tyrannosaurus skull.

[1:20:32] Yeah, thank you.

[1:20:33] I'll be bidding for one against Nicolas Cage and Leo DiCaprio.

[1:20:36] Yeah, or like some kind of like a giant coin that's crossed out on one side.

[1:20:41] Oh yeah, to remember my many adventures.

[1:20:43] Maybe like Jason Todd's dead body.

[1:20:45] I'll have my giant compenny, my giant dinosaur robot,

[1:20:49] Jason Todd's costume from after he died in a glass cylinder.

[1:20:52] Grendel Prime.

[1:20:54] Yeah, Grendel Rose's skull, and also Grendel Prime.

[1:21:00] This is from Bess Lasting Withheld, who says a few nice things up top about how much she likes us.

[1:21:06] But let's get to the question.

[1:21:08] I have a question in response to Dan's recent recommendation.

[1:21:11] I don't want to pat ourselves on the back as far as...

[1:21:13] No, no, why should we feel good about ourselves?

[1:21:15] We'll read it separately and feel good about ourselves.

[1:21:17] Yeah, I have a question in response to Dan's recent recommendation.

[1:21:19] Bless his heart.

[1:21:21] Recently, Dan recommended the film The Wonder Boys,

[1:21:24] based on Michael Chabon's novel of the same name.

[1:21:26] Well, it's just Wonder Boys, but...

[1:21:29] I read the book recently...

[1:21:30] Wow, okay.

[1:21:31] I guess you didn't want to read those compliments so that you'd feel better about slagging her?

[1:21:36] No, I just wanted to...

[1:21:37] I just... Yeah, I can't. I can't let it go.

[1:21:40] I read the book recently and really enjoyed it,

[1:21:43] but made the mistake of watching the film adaptation only a few days later.

[1:21:47] Having the novel so fresh in my mind,

[1:21:48] the film's collapsing of the plot for fewer characters,

[1:21:51] seder dinners, and dead animals and the drunk,

[1:21:54] seemed like a waste.

[1:21:56] Have you ever seen a film adaptation of a novel too soon after reading the novel

[1:22:00] so it was impossible to see past the differences to enjoy the film?

[1:22:03] Thanks so much. Best last name withheld.

[1:22:07] I mean, for the longest time, I've always...

[1:22:09] Well, like, for the longest time, any time...

[1:22:11] You mean, for the longest time?

[1:22:14] Oh, oh, oh.

[1:22:17] Oh, the longest time.

[1:22:24] Yes, you're saying, for the longest time?

[1:22:26] When I'd read a novel, then watch a movie.

[1:22:32] I love it. Keep going.

[1:22:36] And then you'd see it.

[1:22:39] And then you read that book. Yes.

[1:22:43] Uh...

[1:22:46] No, I would always be disappointed.

[1:22:47] Like, I'd always read the book and then watch the movie and be disappointed.

[1:22:52] So, I mean, this seems like an obvious...

[1:22:56] Like, most things, like, it's not a surprise.

[1:22:59] But then, I mean, there is...

[1:23:01] I don't know if it was because, like, special effects or something

[1:23:04] started to catch up with...

[1:23:06] catch up with my imagination, but...

[1:23:09] And exceed it.

[1:23:10] Yeah.

[1:23:12] But I think the most recent example of that was...

[1:23:17] I think it was...

[1:23:19] I had read L.A. Confidential

[1:23:21] and then re-watched the movie because I just read the book.

[1:23:25] And I remember loving the movie when it came out.

[1:23:28] But watching it right after reading the book, it seemed so much smaller

[1:23:32] and like a Hollywood movie.

[1:23:37] It seemed less of what it should have been.

[1:23:40] I...

[1:23:41] Even though the movie The Princess Bride is a terrific movie...

[1:23:44] That's crazy.

[1:23:46] I read the book so much as a kid that I couldn't, like, fully embrace the movie.

[1:23:52] Like, I love the movie. Don't get me wrong.

[1:23:55] But, like, there's so much stuff that I miss from the book

[1:23:58] that they couldn't do in the movie.

[1:24:00] Like, there's no way that they could do, like, the whole

[1:24:05] conceit of the book, which is that this is a...

[1:24:08] Like, they took an old book that had all these boring bits

[1:24:11] and cut out all the boring bits and just had the good parts.

[1:24:14] And William Goldman's dad only read him the good parts of the book.

[1:24:19] And this is his abridged version of this old history

[1:24:23] that he used to have read to him.

[1:24:26] And there's stuff in there, like, there's the zoo of death sequence in the book

[1:24:30] that is cut out for the movie, where Prince Humperdinck has this zoo

[1:24:35] of all the other animals that he's captured that Inigo and Fezzik

[1:24:42] have to go through to get to find the body of Wesley.

[1:24:46] And it's an exciting sequence.

[1:24:48] And there's all this stuff that I just miss from the movie.

[1:24:50] You know, like, the book that's not in the movie.

[1:24:52] What you're saying is Peter Jackson should have directed it.

[1:24:54] Because then he would have included everything.

[1:24:56] Yeah.

[1:24:57] I mean, that's just the thing about, like, books versus movies.

[1:25:00] There's always going to be more in the book.

[1:25:02] And occasionally, it's rare that there's more in the movie.

[1:25:07] Like, in terms, I would say that, like, The Godfather,

[1:25:10] there's not more plot-wise in the movie than the book,

[1:25:13] but there's more thematically.

[1:25:14] Right.

[1:25:15] It's certainly a deeper movie than it is book.

[1:25:17] Well, and then, like, there are all those, like, Hitchcock movies

[1:25:19] that were made out of, like, short stories.

[1:25:21] Well, but those, it ended up being so far from the,

[1:25:25] like, Vertigo is such a beautiful movie, but it's so far from the original source material.

[1:25:29] I mean, I feel like we've talked about movies that end up being better

[1:25:33] or as good as books many times on this show.

[1:25:36] Yeah, that's true.

[1:25:38] It's a tale as old as time.

[1:25:39] I actually, weirdly enough, prefer the Lord of the Rings movies to the books.

[1:25:44] And, like, I think I prefer the Scanner Darkly movie to the book.

[1:25:50] Really?

[1:25:51] I think so.

[1:25:52] I think it makes a little more sense.

[1:25:54] If anything, I think they work well together.

[1:25:56] Okay.

[1:25:57] I'll do that.

[1:25:59] I have one.

[1:26:00] How many letters do we have left?

[1:26:01] I've got one really quick letter for you, Elliot.

[1:26:04] Here's a really quick letter from me.

[1:26:06] It's Elliot's time to shine.

[1:26:09] Sorry, guys, step aside, because it's Elliot's time.

[1:26:12] Elliot's time for a quick letter just for Elliot.

[1:26:16] Will they tell Elliot how much they like Elliot?

[1:26:20] Will they tell Elliot that he kind of smells it?

[1:26:23] Will they tell Elliot to go to Hell yet?

[1:26:26] Only one way to find out, which is let Dan read this letter for Elliot.

[1:26:31] Elliot, that's me.

[1:26:32] Elliot, Elliot, me.

[1:26:33] Elliot, Elliot, that's me.

[1:26:35] Hey, guys, it's me, Elliot, here.

[1:26:37] And I just found out there's a letter for me here, was the name of a space station.

[1:26:43] Is that a rap rap?

[1:26:45] It would have been if I knew what I was doing.

[1:26:47] So let's get to that letter for Elliot.

[1:26:50] Let's take to the streets and demand Dan read it.

[1:26:54] Let's call our senators and representatives

[1:26:57] and say, hey, Dan, read that letter for Elliot.

[1:27:00] Stop hiding Elliot under a bushel.

[1:27:03] Get that letter out.

[1:27:05] Let's say it.

[1:27:06] Let's hear it.

[1:27:07] Let's put it in lights in the sky.

[1:27:09] Let's read it up all over the place.

[1:27:12] Read it here.

[1:27:13] Read it there.

[1:27:14] TV, radio, newspapers, maybe on the internet, too.

[1:27:17] Tweet it out.

[1:27:18] Instagram, Facebook, Periscope.

[1:27:23] I'm at the big finish, OK?

[1:27:25] So let's get that letter reading.

[1:27:27] Let's get it going before it's snowing.

[1:27:31] Dan, read that letter out now for Elliot, Elliot, Elliot.

[1:27:36] Hey, that's me.

[1:27:38] All right, this is from Caleb, last name withheld.

[1:27:40] That sounds like Kalen, which is my name.

[1:27:42] It's titled Elliot WTF.

[1:27:46] Hey, Elliot.

[1:27:47] Wait a minute.

[1:27:47] Hold on a second.

[1:27:48] Sounds like a hit job.

[1:27:49] Hey, Elliot.

[1:27:50] Just finish that Time Travelers episode of the new MST3K.

[1:27:54] I was excited to finally have an excuse

[1:27:55] to watch that terrible movie again,

[1:27:57] because I had remembered the vast majority of the movie

[1:27:59] being insanely boring until the last two to three minutes

[1:28:02] or so when it gets bonkers.

[1:28:04] The film literally starts fast-forwarding itself

[1:28:06] through the entire narrative in order

[1:28:08] to show the time loop the main characters encountered.

[1:28:10] Then the episode ended without the fast-forwarding bit.

[1:28:13] Granted, it's a solid two minutes of runtime

[1:28:15] that might prove hard to fill with jokes,

[1:28:17] but I was surprised nonetheless.

[1:28:18] I mean, that ending is easily the craziest thing

[1:28:20] about that movie, right?

[1:28:22] Caleb, last name withheld.

[1:28:23] I mean, here's the dirty secret of Mystery Science 50,000.

[1:28:28] We've got to cut the movies down to 70 minutes.

[1:28:30] We can't show the whole movie, because we've

[1:28:32] got to have room for the other bits, the host

[1:28:34] segments, and things like that.

[1:28:36] So sometimes maybe your favorite scene gets cut out.

[1:28:38] There was a whole monster that got cut out of Wizards

[1:28:40] of the Lost Kingdom 2.

[1:28:41] Hey, you've got to make your choices.

[1:28:43] So I'm sorry about that.

[1:28:44] But hey, how about that sweet cameo

[1:28:46] in the Time Travelers episode by me,

[1:28:48] Elliot Kalin, in the part of Dr. Varno,

[1:28:50] the intergalactic libertine?

[1:28:52] Yeah, that was pretty great.

[1:28:54] Yeah.

[1:28:54] Oh, man, my favorite outfit I've ever worn.

[1:28:56] It looked like very comfortable pajamas.

[1:28:59] Oh, it was very comfortable.

[1:29:00] Did you get to take that costume home with you?

[1:29:02] No, unfortunately.

[1:29:03] But I wore it all day, even while I was eating lunch.

[1:29:07] I just imagine you with a big submarine

[1:29:10] sandwich with marinara sauce squirting out of it.

[1:29:14] You had that outfit.

[1:29:15] Yeah, with a giant bib that has his own face on it.

[1:29:18] That's right.

[1:29:18] Here's a little Easter egg for people.

[1:29:20] Maybe you can put it on my Goofs page in IMDb.

[1:29:22] Are you sure it's an Easter egg and not a critter egg?

[1:29:25] It might be a critter egg, so don't hatch it.

[1:29:26] And it might be an alien egg, so don't lean over it

[1:29:29] because the face hugger will hug your face.

[1:29:30] Why does everyone lean over eggs in the alien universe?

[1:29:33] I don't know, because they're opening up,

[1:29:34] and they're like, maybe a pretty flower is in this,

[1:29:36] or a new pet.

[1:29:38] Take a look and see how I don't know what

[1:29:40] to do with my arm in that scene.

[1:29:42] So I just kind of have it cocked at an angle,

[1:29:45] doing nothing for a long time.

[1:29:47] You'd think if Pepe Le Pew was in the alien universe.

[1:29:51] OK, keep talking.

[1:29:52] I like where this is going.

[1:29:53] Because he's always taking time to smell them flowers.

[1:29:57] He'd totally have a little chest burster wrapped

[1:29:59] around his face.

[1:30:00] What would happen? Well, the chestburster doesn't wrap around your face, the facehugger does.

[1:30:03] Chestburster, as the name implies, bursts from your chest.

[1:30:05] Okay.

[1:30:05] So thanks for playing. Here's the home game.

[1:30:08] It's called Loser the Game.

[1:30:10] Wow. Is there a resale value on this thing?

[1:30:12] Zero dollars.

[1:30:13] Oh, shit.

[1:30:13] You have to pay someone to take it, actually.

[1:30:15] Now, here's the thing.

[1:30:16] Here's what would happen in what I'm going to call Alien 6, Sentimental Aliens.

[1:30:22] Sentimental is spelled S-C-E-N-T dash emmental.

[1:30:26] And the facehugger escapes from the egg, but then some white paint falls on its back.

[1:30:33] And Pepe Le Pew thinks that facehugger is a beautiful lady skunk.

[1:30:37] And he is trying to fuck it.

[1:30:39] Yeah, of course he is.

[1:30:41] Yeah, because he's Pepe Le Pew. He's a rapist.

[1:30:45] Okay. What a great note to end on that segment.

[1:30:49] It's recommendations time.

[1:30:50] It's recommendations.

[1:30:51] My recommendation is called For Sentimental Reasons, the first Pepe Le Pew cartoon.

[1:30:56] How is Sentimental spelled?

[1:30:58] S-C-E-N-T dash emmental.

[1:31:02] Now, in this cartoon, we see Pepe Le Pew not punished for his actions, which leads to future cartoons.

[1:31:08] Because he learns this is just how male skunks are expected to behave.

[1:31:11] And he's European, so people kind of give him a pass.

[1:31:14] Yeah, because he's got an accent. People are like, it's charming. Come on.

[1:31:17] Remember the movie French Kiss?

[1:31:20] And then other people are like, no, I don't remember that movie.

[1:31:24] That's Kevin Kline in it.

[1:31:25] Yeah.

[1:31:27] So recommendations of movies that we've seen recently or not that we recommend instead of watching A Dog's Purpose.

[1:31:35] You know what?

[1:31:35] We're not all haters.

[1:31:36] No, we love things too.

[1:31:38] Dan, here's an editorial note.

[1:31:39] When you say movies we've seen recently or not, you could just say movies.

[1:31:44] Well, I'm trying to indicate that these are usually movies that we've watched recently, but they don't have to be.

[1:31:52] Yeah, sometimes we just don't see a movie we like that much in the time between episodes.

[1:31:56] Yeah, but I did.

[1:31:57] But Dan, you go first.

[1:31:59] I'm going to recommend a movie that definitely needs all the help it can get.

[1:32:04] It is certainly not a worldwide box office smash.

[1:32:08] And it's not a movie that I'm recommending just because it's the only other movie that I've seen in between times.

[1:32:15] Is it Castle Creek?

[1:32:17] That is Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

[1:32:19] Volume 2.

[1:32:21] Which I enjoyed.

[1:32:22] I hope to see that someday.

[1:32:23] Quite a bit.

[1:32:23] It was...

[1:32:25] I enjoyed it almost as much, if not as much, as the first version of that movie.

[1:32:32] The first version of that movie.

[1:32:33] Was this a remake already?

[1:32:36] The first installment of that series.

[1:32:40] Here's what I say about the Guardians movies.

[1:32:42] They actually make me feel a little bit more than the other Marvel movies.

[1:32:48] Like, I watch Marvel movies...

[1:32:49] More than Iron Man 3?

[1:32:52] I watch Marvel movies and I'm like...

[1:32:53] Stop talking shit about Iron Man 3, dude.

[1:32:55] I didn't like it.

[1:32:57] I watch these movies and I'm...

[1:32:58] You're an adventurer in a fucking loading dock.

[1:33:00] It's not what I wanted from an Iron Man movie.

[1:33:03] All I'm saying is I watch these movies and I feel like the emotions of thrills.

[1:33:10] Okay.

[1:33:10] I feel some laughter.

[1:33:12] Chills?

[1:33:12] But I don't actually feel like...

[1:33:15] What about automobiles?

[1:33:17] I don't feel any, like, actual pathos or empathy or engagement with the characters really that much.

[1:33:27] Any other ones, you're saying?

[1:33:28] Any of the other ones.

[1:33:29] But Guardians of the Galaxy, like, I find that I actually have emotional reactions to these films.

[1:33:38] As silly as they are and they work very hard to be irreverent.

[1:33:42] Also, at the end of Guardians 2, I found myself...

[1:33:47] Like, I've been taking on an emotional journey.

[1:33:49] Do not tell me what happens in the movie or at the end.

[1:33:52] I already know too much about new characters.

[1:33:56] Michael Rooker's really great in it.

[1:33:57] Okay, well, you don't have to tell me that.

[1:33:58] I just assume it.

[1:33:59] The fact that this fucking movie features a cliffhanger fucking reunion is amazing.

[1:34:04] Yeah, that's pretty nice.

[1:34:06] Worth making the film for.

[1:34:08] And a Tangled Cash reunion, right?

[1:34:10] And a... Kinda.

[1:34:11] I mean, they're not in the same movie.

[1:34:14] They're not in the same...

[1:34:15] That's disappointing.

[1:34:16] Man, Michael Rooker's great.

[1:34:17] The best part about seeing that movie with my wife is afterwards me being like,

[1:34:21] Man, Michael Rooker's so great!

[1:34:23] And my wife's like, What movie is this in?

[1:34:25] And I started listing movies and she had not seen a single one.

[1:34:29] She's not a big Henry fan?

[1:34:31] Did she like him in this movie?

[1:34:33] Yeah, she liked him a lot.

[1:34:34] Okay.

[1:34:36] The Guardians movies are definitely Charlene's favorite Marvel property.

[1:34:42] I think mine is still...

[1:34:43] I still like the Captain America movies the most.

[1:34:46] I think it's because every time that Chris Evans does stuff,

[1:34:48] I'm like, Oh, man, what a great guy.

[1:34:50] Now, are we talking about just Marvel Studios movies or any Marvel character?

[1:34:54] That's what I'm doing right now, yeah.

[1:34:55] Okay.

[1:34:56] What would you say if it was on any Marvel character?

[1:34:59] Well, Spider-Man and specifically Spider-Man 2.

[1:35:02] That's a great one.

[1:35:03] Which is great.

[1:35:03] That's still my favorite superhero movie.

[1:35:05] That movie features my favorite thing in a superhero movie

[1:35:08] when Peter Parker doesn't have powers and he walks past an alleyway

[1:35:11] where some guys pick up a guy and the guy just goes,

[1:35:14] Hey, help!

[1:35:16] He just keeps on walking.

[1:35:17] Oh, it's so fucking funny.

[1:35:19] That movie is one speech too long,

[1:35:21] but otherwise that's a movie where I genuinely like...

[1:35:24] There's a couple scenes in that movie that I find so beautiful

[1:35:28] on an emotional and an allegorical level

[1:35:31] that I don't think it's a match for me.

[1:35:34] After watching that movie, part of it's like,

[1:35:36] Okay, somebody figured out how to do superhero movies.

[1:35:39] We don't ever have to do them again.

[1:35:40] Yeah, kind of.

[1:35:42] Certainly, we don't have to make...

[1:35:43] Although I liked a lot of Spider-Man 3, I have to say,

[1:35:45] but they didn't have to make it.

[1:35:47] I like all the Marvel movies just fine,

[1:35:49] but they don't necessarily fulfill...

[1:35:53] They don't fill a void that was non-existent.

[1:35:56] I feel weird saying this.

[1:35:58] I've been thinking about it a lot lately,

[1:35:59] that I'm kind of sated by...

[1:36:04] There's more Marvel Entertainment content available now

[1:36:08] than I have an appetite for,

[1:36:10] which has never been the case in my entire life before this,

[1:36:13] where there's so many Marvel TV shows

[1:36:15] and so many Marvel movies and still they're comics,

[1:36:18] and it's like, you know what, world?

[1:36:20] You're just producing more Marvel stuff than I need.

[1:36:23] You've been reading the comics pretty steadily though, right?

[1:36:26] I mean, I'm behind at this point

[1:36:28] because I don't have the time to read them as much,

[1:36:29] but I've been reading Marvel comics for over 20 years,

[1:36:33] 25 years straight, you know?

[1:36:34] I mean, I kind of gave up on Marvel comics in high school,

[1:36:38] so the movies at this point fill that void for me of like,

[1:36:42] oh, I can see two to three of these movies a year.

[1:36:45] I think I'm moving towards that.

[1:36:47] That's two hours at a time.

[1:36:50] Even if it's a little longer, I don't really give a shit.

[1:36:52] Especially though, as the movies are moving into this new phase

[1:36:55] where they're not introducing the characters as much,

[1:36:58] so I don't have to sit through,

[1:37:00] like, I started watching Doctor Strange

[1:37:01] and I just couldn't sit through it

[1:37:03] because I was like, maybe I'll skip an hour into the movie.

[1:37:06] I was like-

[1:37:07] You're watching the movie and you're like,

[1:37:08] this movie has the best cast of any of these movies.

[1:37:11] I am dead inside and don't want to watch this movie anymore

[1:37:14] because Mads Mikkelsen and Scott Adkins are in scenes together.

[1:37:17] It was like, I don't need to see another character

[1:37:20] discover that there's a larger world of mystery

[1:37:23] and fantasy outside of his little life.

[1:37:25] I thought that movie did it pretty-

[1:37:27] did it fast enough that I didn't-

[1:37:29] I wasn't too bothered by it.

[1:37:30] Yeah, I'll give it another shot.

[1:37:31] It's- this is entirely-

[1:37:32] I'm not like, Doctor Strange ain't my favorite movie or nothing,

[1:37:35] but I thought it was pretty-

[1:37:36] This is entirely a fault with-

[1:37:38] not with the movie, just in my-

[1:37:39] this is just me accepting the movie at this point in my life,

[1:37:42] but I like that when I go see Gardens of the Galaxy 2,

[1:37:45] I'm not going to have to deal with a lot of like,

[1:37:47] who's this guy?

[1:37:48] Time for me to show you my power.

[1:37:49] What? Aliens exist?

[1:37:51] Any of that stuff.

[1:37:52] Why is Beast hanging upside down in the sea?

[1:37:55] Kelsey Grammer's all furry now?

[1:37:57] What?

[1:37:59] So, Stuart, what movie are you going to recommend?

[1:38:01] GOTG 2?

[1:38:02] I'm going to recommend a movie that a buddy of mine, Will, recommended.

[1:38:08] It's a-

[1:38:10] Will Arnett.

[1:38:10] So this is- this is a movie that I-

[1:38:13] I got to do a little bit of a qualification at the beginning,

[1:38:16] because it's a movie called Hounds of Love.

[1:38:19] It's in theaters right now, and it's on demand.

[1:38:21] Based on the Kate Bush album.

[1:38:23] And it's a-

[1:38:26] I don't know, I think I may just be going through a weird phase lately,

[1:38:29] where a lot of the media I take in features a lot of violence against women,

[1:38:34] and a lot of sexual violence, or maybe it's just-

[1:38:37] Wait, that's a weird thing to say.

[1:38:40] Like, you're going through a weird thing right now, where that's what-

[1:38:43] No, I'm just saying like, maybe I just hit a patch where like,

[1:38:46] I'm watching The Handmaid, and then watching fucking Room the other day.

[1:38:50] It's very much a thread that's running through a lot of movies and TV shows now.

[1:38:54] I mean, on one hand, like, I understand like, it's a fucking-

[1:38:59] I don't want to put myself in a weird position or anything, but like,

[1:39:03] I mean, it's just the sort of thing where it's like,

[1:39:05] if every piece of media I take in features like,

[1:39:10] that kind of violence and like, sexual violence as a common thread,

[1:39:15] it's soul-crushing, reasonably so.

[1:39:19] But I do want to recommend this movie, Hounds of Love.

[1:39:23] It's an Australian thriller, fairly-

[1:39:30] It's a debut movie from a director.

[1:39:32] I believe the director is a guy named Ben Young,

[1:39:36] and it's loosely based on a couple in Australia in the 80s

[1:39:42] who were abducting women, young women, abusing them, and then killing them.

[1:39:49] And the movie deals with-

[1:39:53] I feel like, despite the fact that it's-

[1:39:55] I believe it's a male director.

[1:39:58] It's-

[1:40:00] It focuses on the women involved in this process,

[1:40:02] whether it's a woman who's abducted, her recently

[1:40:05] divorced mother, or specifically the woman that

[1:40:09] is in this relationship with a partner who

[1:40:12] are going through the process of abducting and killing women.

[1:40:19] It focuses on these women and their abusive relationships.

[1:40:22] And it's not an easy watch in any way.

[1:40:27] But if you are willing to put yourself

[1:40:31] through a difficult experience, I think it's worthwhile.

[1:40:33] It's beautifully shot.

[1:40:35] A lot of the more violent parts and a lot of the more difficult

[1:40:41] to watch stuff is off screen.

[1:40:43] You don't actually see it.

[1:40:46] And the performance from, I don't remember her name,

[1:40:52] but the woman who plays the partner in the serial killer

[1:40:57] relationship gives such an amazing performance that we

[1:41:03] already mentioned Henry Porter, the serial killer,

[1:41:05] but I feel like it's Michael Rooker level, like chilling

[1:41:09] and, I don't want to say sympathetic because that's not

[1:41:12] how it is, but it's like humanizing

[1:41:16] and it's a great performance.

[1:41:18] So Hounds of Love, if you're looking for something

[1:41:21] that's going to be a little difficult to watch,

[1:41:24] check it out.

[1:41:25] I'm going to recommend a movie that is not difficult to watch

[1:41:28] and it's called A Dog's Purpose.

[1:41:31] Oh, really?

[1:41:32] No, it's kind of a difficult thing to watch.

[1:41:34] Actually, it was pretty boring.

[1:41:35] I'm going to recommend a movie that I watched recently

[1:41:38] and that I liked.

[1:41:39] And that's a movie called 20th Century Women,

[1:41:42] directed and written by Mike Mills, who also did the movie

[1:41:44] Beginners, which I liked.

[1:41:46] And Beginners was very much Mike Mills making a movie

[1:41:49] about his dad, I guess.

[1:41:51] This is more a movie about his mom

[1:41:53] and stars Annette Bening and Elle Fanning and Greta Gerwig

[1:41:56] and Billy Crudup and some kid.

[1:41:58] And it is about a guy growing up as a teen in the late 70s

[1:42:04] with an older mom who is single, who

[1:42:07] runs this crazy house that has a bunch of people staying there

[1:42:10] who are all kind of dealing with their things.

[1:42:12] And it's a movie that at times is a little twee,

[1:42:19] but I really liked the relationships

[1:42:22] between the characters.

[1:42:23] Tweeny and Elliott?

[1:42:24] Precious, you know?

[1:42:25] A little too precious at times.

[1:42:28] But everything looks amazing in it.

[1:42:31] It's a fantastically shot movie.

[1:42:32] And it's got that California light

[1:42:35] that seems very specific to the area it's set in,

[1:42:38] which I'm looking forward to enjoying now that I'm going

[1:42:40] to be living in California.

[1:42:42] And at the same time, and also has a lot of fun.

[1:42:48] He's just overcompensating about leaving his beloved New York.

[1:42:50] I am.

[1:42:51] It's upsetting to me.

[1:42:53] And has a lot of great fucking shitty bagels

[1:42:55] with avocados on them.

[1:42:57] It has a lot of great late 70s kind of punk and art rock

[1:43:01] and affiliated rock songs on the soundtrack.

[1:43:03] And I really liked a lot of it.

[1:43:04] I thought it was really good.

[1:43:06] 20th Century Women.

[1:43:07] About a young boy and the women in his life.

[1:43:10] All right.

[1:43:11] Hey, we talked about a thing.

[1:43:14] Yeah, we definitely talked about a thing and taped it.

[1:43:17] So I guess mission accomplished, right?

[1:43:22] Yeah.

[1:43:22] Yeah, I mean, we did what we set out to do.

[1:43:24] I apologize that I recommended 20th Century Women.

[1:43:27] We're really going out with a whimper, not a bang.

[1:43:28] It seems it really took the air out of the room

[1:43:31] by recommending a movie I liked a lot.

[1:43:32] So guys, I got this mission accomplished banner.

[1:43:34] Should I just hang it on the wall?

[1:43:36] Sure.

[1:43:36] OK.

[1:43:37] Put on a helmet.

[1:43:38] Yeah, I want to look like a tough boy.

[1:43:41] Tough boy.

[1:43:43] So I look like a tough boy.

[1:43:44] Sounds like a really low rent horn mag.

[1:43:47] Tough boys, or just tough boy.

[1:43:49] Yeah.

[1:43:51] It's all nude guys with one helmet on.

[1:43:53] They just share the helmet.

[1:43:54] I talked about that book my ex-girlfriend's sister

[1:43:57] took from the vanity publisher called Pig Boys, right?

[1:44:01] No.

[1:44:02] Yeah, she worked for this vanity publisher.

[1:44:04] I did not know that.

[1:44:05] And this priest published a couple of copies of this book

[1:44:11] of photos of boys just like young dudes

[1:44:15] just like playing around with the mud and shit.

[1:44:18] And it's called Pig Boys.

[1:44:20] And the idea was that there's a definition up front

[1:44:22] where it's just like, pig boys are boys

[1:44:25] that just like having fun and getting a little bit dirty.

[1:44:29] But apparently the guy didn't realize, well, when pressed,

[1:44:33] didn't believe that it was sexual in nature.

[1:44:36] But it was super weird.

[1:44:37] The guy who'd made the book?

[1:44:39] Who made the book.

[1:44:41] My ex-girlfriend's sister kept a copy of the book

[1:44:44] because it was insane.

[1:44:48] It feels like the sort of thing where

[1:44:51] iced tea would show up and be like,

[1:44:53] would use it as evidence in a law and order case in a SVU.

[1:44:59] I mean, I guess on that note, we should sign off.

[1:45:04] For The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:45:06] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:45:08] Keep listening.

[1:45:08] Don't unsubscribe.

[1:45:11] And I'm kind of curious about the pig boy lifestyle

[1:45:14] right now.

[1:45:14] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:45:16] Good night, everyone.

[1:45:23] Do you want me to tell you the actual title?

[1:45:25] No, no, I got it.

[1:45:25] Was it A Dog's Purpose?

[1:45:26] Or it was not The Dog's Purpose, right?

[1:45:28] A Dog's Purpose.

[1:45:29] A Dog's Purse.

[1:45:30] Purses.

[1:45:31] Purses.

[1:45:31] A Dog's Perseus.

[1:45:34] One of all the Greek mythological characters

[1:45:36] were dogs.

[1:45:37] I think it would go a little something like this.

[1:45:41] Ruff, I'm Zeus.

[1:45:42] Ruff, ruff.

[1:45:43] It's me.

[1:45:44] I will come unto you like a shower of gold.

[1:45:46] It's me, Barcacles.

[1:45:50] Terrible.

[1:45:52] And I'm the god of the sea, Poseidog.

[1:45:56] I love to dog paddle after balls that are floating in the water

[1:45:59] and bring them back.

[1:46:00] Yep.

[1:46:01] All right.

[1:46:02] It's me, god of the underworld.

[1:46:03] Hey, dogs.

[1:46:05] Yep.

[1:46:06] It's me, Aphrodontie.

[1:46:08] Here's Cerberus, my three-headed human that

[1:46:10] guards the gates of my realm.

[1:46:12] What?

[1:46:15] Maximumfun.org.

[1:46:17] Comedy and culture.

[1:46:18] Artist owned.

[1:46:19] Listener supported.

Ep.#232 - A Dog's Purpose

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