Ep.#232 - A Dog's Purpose

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss A Dog's Purpose.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] The movie inspired by Sean Connery's famous line,

[0:08] You're the man now, dog!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] Heyo, I'm Stuart the Dog Catcher Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:43] What up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up?

[0:46] It's me, downtown Elliot Kalin, coming at you from Uptown in Dan's apartment.

Dan McCoy

[0:51] You got a lot of sass, a lot of in-your-face attitude.

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] Hey, let's just say my sass arrived in the mail, COD.

Stuart Wellington

[0:58] Mm-hmm.

[0:59] You got a little sass-a-fras.

[1:01] Wait, so wait, you had to pay the postman when he delivered the sass?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] Yeah, because I didn't have enough up front.

[1:07] Oh, okay.

[1:08] So when I ordered it.

[1:09] But this sass is good stuff.

Dan McCoy

[1:12] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14] Oh, no, sass running out.

[1:15] No, I lost my-

Dan McCoy

[1:16] One of the sentences that just started without having a finish at it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19] I lost my magic sass feather halfway through that sentence.

[1:22] Oh, no.

[1:23] Dan, tell me, tell me I don't need the feather.

Dan McCoy

[1:24] It was inside me all along.

[1:27] I can't do it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28] I can't lie to you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29] No, it was the feather.

[1:30] I knew it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30] Have you ever had some sass inside you?

[1:33] No.

[1:33] Would you like some?

[1:35] I don't know how that-

[1:36] Hold on, this feather I made.

[1:38] Feather you made?

[1:39] Are you a bird?

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] Just sprouted out of my wings.

[1:42] You make the feathers.

[1:43] They do.

[1:44] They grow out of them.

[1:45] Okay, I guess that's right.

[1:46] You think they buy them from a store?

[1:48] Yeah.

[1:48] They're an artisanal feathersmith?

Dan McCoy

[1:50] Maybe.

[1:51] Buy them from a Fletcher.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] Yep.

[1:54] Yeah, Jessica Fletcher from Murder, she wrote.

[1:57] So-called because she makes arrows.

[2:00] Like the TV show Arrow, executive bruised by Jessica Fletcher.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] Mm-hmm.

[2:04] And Fletch, the private eye, who knows how to party and look like one of the LA Lakers.

[2:11] Who knows how to commit credit card fraud.

[2:14] That's what I learned from looking at the back of the VHS cassette box of Fletch.

[2:19] Now, is Fletch dead?

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] No, no, you'll be happy to learn that Fletch lives.

[2:24] Oh, okay, good.

[2:25] I also want to report on that.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] Now, uh-

[2:29] It's a documentary, right?

[2:30] Set in the South?

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] Yes, yes.

[2:32] It's called Fletch-a-Sippy Burning.

[2:36] Now, the porn version of Fletch would be called Fletch, right?

[2:39] Mm-hmm.

[2:40] Or is that the horror version?

Stuart Wellington

[2:41] I mean, that's-

[2:42] I mean, the porn version is Fletch.

Elliott Kalan

[2:44] Okay, there you go.

[2:45] That's better.

[2:45] And the Jewish version would be Fleish.

Dan McCoy

[2:50] So, what do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

[2:52] Well, on this podcast-

Stuart Wellington

[2:53] Whoa!

[2:55] Throwing to himself.

[2:56] We got a real Jamie Maidrox in here.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] We watched a bad movie.

[3:00] We got a regular split on our hands.

[3:01] And then we talk about it.

[3:02] And tonight, we watched a little movie called A Dog's Porpoise.

[3:06] About a dog who owns a dolphin.

Elliott Kalan

[3:08] No, you're thinking of Zeus and Roxanne.

[3:10] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[3:11] Wait, which one was Zeus and which one was Roxanne?

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] Zeus?

[3:13] Well, Roxanne was starring Steve Martin.

[3:16] And Zeus was the king of the Greek gods.

[3:18] Greek gods, yeah.

[3:19] Although he was also the villain in No Holds Barred, I believe, the Hulk Hogan film.

[3:23] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[3:24] And in the Hercules movie.

Elliott Kalan

[3:26] No, the villain was Hades in the Hercules movie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:28] I mean, it depends on how you interpret the Hercules myth.

[3:31] Or Heracles myth.

[3:33] Well, the movie was called Hercules.

[3:35] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[3:36] Which one was James Woods?

[3:38] James Woods was Hades.

[3:39] In Straight Talk, which one was James Woods?

[3:42] Dolly Parton.

[3:43] Wow.

[3:44] He's an amazing actor.

[3:46] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:47] So, it's like True West.

[3:49] They switch roles every night.

[3:50] True Woods.

Stuart Wellington

[3:51] The only play where James Woods plays both of the parts in True West.

[3:55] Both brothers.

[3:56] And weirdly, both super conservative now.

[3:58] Yeah.

[3:59] Who thought it?

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] His version of True West, they agree with each other the whole time.

[4:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:03] So, what do we do on this podcast?

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] No, no.

[4:05] We did that part already.

[4:06] Well, I missed it.

[4:07] We walk about a movie and then we sneak about it?

Dan McCoy

[4:10] Yeah.

[4:10] We snark about a movie and then we balk about it.

[4:13] And this movie was called Dog's Purpose.

[4:16] And it was about a dog and his purpose in the world.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] Well, Dan, you kind of did sum up the whole movie just then.

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] But Stuart, you were going to say?

[4:23] I know that I suggested we watch this movie and in doing so, I opened the floodgates.

[4:30] You damned us.

[4:31] I opened the floodgates to more who let the dogs out style jokes that I had put a ban on

[4:37] on this podcast after we watched Marmaduke.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] I don't remember that ban, but I'll allow it.

[4:42] So, you're saying like none of this like, oh, the flop house has gone to the dogs.

[4:46] I'm giving you guys a hall pass today.

Stuart Wellington

[4:48] Oh, boy.

[4:50] So, just let's get nasty and talk about a dog's purpose.

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] We're going to talk about this movie, Doggy Style.

Stuart Wellington

[4:56] That's exactly what I was talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] We all got boned by a dog's purpose.

[4:59] We're going to be raw dogging it tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[5:02] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] Because you got to love it or hate it.

[5:04] You can't be neutered about this movie.

[5:07] Oh, that almost is a pun.

[5:10] Hey, it's a hairy situation.

[5:12] All right, there you go.

[5:13] A doggone catastrophe.

[5:14] And this episode is off the leash.

Dan McCoy

[5:16] Was this episode a howl?

[5:17] No, it was not.

[5:18] It was done with these?

[5:20] Can we get to the real episode?

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] Speaking of howl, you know, I saw the best

[5:22] of the best minds of my generation ruined

[5:24] by the rest of the poem that I don't remember.

[5:27] Let's just say television.

Dan McCoy

[5:29] What?

[5:30] Ruined by television?

[5:31] That's what you think Ginsburg was getting at?

[5:33] He certainly wasn't pro-television, Dan,

[5:35] I have to assume.

[5:37] I guess, right.

[5:38] Well, I've got the ghost of Ginsburg here

[5:40] to talk about it right now.

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] Oh, well, tell me about it, ghost of Ginsburg.

[5:43] Well, man, it's all about...

[5:46] Never heard a ghost snap his fingers before.

[5:48] What's going on inside your mind?

[5:49] What's going on inside my...

[5:50] Well, what's going on inside your mind,

[5:51] a ghost Ginsburg?

[5:52] Or should I say go-go-go Ginsburg?

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Must like Seabiscuit,

[5:55] the world's most popular horse.

[5:58] I gotta go.

Elliott Kalan

[6:01] Dan throwing to the least popular...

[6:03] No, that's not true.

[6:04] People love Seabiscuit.

[6:05] The popular horse who always has to go.

[6:07] Mm-hmm.

[6:08] I helped America through the Great Depression or something.

Stuart Wellington

[6:11] Gotta go.

[6:12] I was here.

[6:13] Who'd have thought?

[6:13] It's like that horse is...

[6:14] Nicky was summoned by the ghost of all the dogs

[6:17] that died in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Oh, there's so many dogs who died in this movie.

[6:19] Now, let's say one thing going into it.

[6:21] One dog died a lot.

[6:22] There's a controversy about this movie

[6:25] that maybe they had mistreated dogs while filming.

[6:28] We can't speak to that.

[6:29] We don't know.

[6:29] The Humane Society looked into it

[6:31] and said that things were okay.

[6:32] We can't say for sure.

[6:33] We're just judging this movie.

[6:34] It's going to be a payoff.

[6:35] That's possible, yeah.

[6:36] Payola, or as it's also called, Poochola.

[6:38] When a dog is involved.

[6:39] Now, we can't judge that.

[6:41] When our hooch from Turner and Hooch is involved.

Dan McCoy

[6:44] Hoochola?

[6:45] Yeah.

[6:46] It just rhymes with poochola.

[6:48] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[6:49] Yeah, let's say no, it's a double pun.

[6:50] Yeah, take it one more step removed, huh?

[6:54] Scoochola.

[6:54] That's when you've got to scooch over for money.

[6:56] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] That's all the Cockney rhyming slang.

[6:58] Yeah.

[6:59] Yeah.

[6:59] Turner and Hooch.

[7:00] I'm an innovator.

Elliott Kalan

[7:02] So, we're just going to judge this movie

[7:04] on the quality of the film itself.

[7:06] We're going to look to the text

[7:06] and not look outside the text.

[7:08] So, I apologize ahead of time

[7:11] if we don't cover that scandal

[7:12] and we don't express proper outrage for it.

[7:14] We're just talking about the movie itself.

[7:16] Which is, Dan, you loved it.

[7:18] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] The dog's purpose.

[7:20] What am I supposed to say about it?

Stuart Wellington

[7:21] Okay, so the movie poster.

[7:23] We got the face of a dog on it.

[7:25] You know what you're getting

[7:26] when you slap this movie into your VCR.

[7:28] You got a dog movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:28] Now, here's the thing.

[7:29] The poster is just the face of a dog.

[7:31] So, I was like,

[7:32] oh, it's like those Judd Apatow movies.

[7:34] Reminds me of the 40-year-old virgin poster.

[7:35] Mm-hmm.

[7:36] So, this is just going to be about a dog

[7:37] who's never had sex

[7:38] and is desperately trying to lose it,

[7:40] but he can't because

[7:41] why couldn't Steve Carell have sex in that movie?

[7:43] Did a witch put a hex on him?

[7:44] He seems like a regular Joe.

[7:45] Wait, which movie?

[7:46] 40-year-old virgin.

[7:47] Oh, yeah.

[7:47] No, the other movie

[7:48] where Steve Carell's an adult

[7:49] who's never had sex, Dan.

[7:50] What was that?

[7:50] Get Smart?

[7:51] Little Miss Sunshine?

[7:52] Dan in Real Life?

[7:54] Dan looking for a friend

[7:55] for the end of the world.

[7:56] He's always got...

Dan McCoy

[7:57] Whitey?

[7:57] Dan in Real Life

[7:58] always has syrup smeared

[7:59] all over his face.

[8:00] No woman's going to have sex with that.

[8:02] Syrup?

[8:02] Syrup.

[8:03] Syrup.

Stuart Wellington

[8:05] Like, he could have a date

[8:06] with, like, a fly woman.

[8:08] Mm-hmm.

[8:09] They love syrup.

Elliott Kalan

[8:10] It'll get her in the sack faster.

[8:12] And by sack,

[8:12] I mean, like, you know,

[8:13] a bag for catching flies.

Dan McCoy

[8:15] Now, I assumed that this movie

[8:16] was going to be something like

[8:17] Fluke or Oh, Heavenly Dog

[8:18] where a man is killed,

[8:20] he comes back as a dog,

[8:21] and he needs to solve the murder

[8:22] as a dog.

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] Oh, like that...

[8:24] Basically nine lives

[8:25] What's the Gary Busey one

[8:26] where that happens?

[8:28] There's more movies like that?

[8:29] There's the Gary Busey movie

[8:31] where he dies and comes...

[8:32] It's very low budget.

[8:34] And...

[8:34] It's a point break.

[8:35] Cardus Armstrong is in it, too,

[8:36] I think.

[8:36] It's not point break.

[8:37] I've exhausted my Gary Busey movie.

[8:39] Okay, then never mind.

[8:40] Forget it.

[8:42] So, this movie,

[8:43] it's about,

[8:44] hey, what's the purpose of life?

[8:46] And by life, I mean

[8:47] life as a dog.

[8:48] My life as a dog

[8:49] because it's directed by

[8:50] Lussie Hallstrom,

[8:52] don't know how to pronounce his name,

[8:53] who also directed

[8:54] My Life as a Dog,

[8:55] returning to the successful

[8:56] world of dogs.

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] So, let's not do any jokes

[8:58] about how his name looks like

[8:59] it's pronounced Lassie Hallstrom

[9:01] and there's a famous dog.

[9:02] I don't know if you guys

[9:02] have heard of the dog.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] It's called Lassie.

[9:05] No, what does he do?

[9:05] It's the first I've heard of it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:06] Or she?

[9:07] She, I believe,

[9:08] tricks a little boy

[9:09] into falling into a well.

[9:10] Oh, no.

[9:10] Oh, what, for the insurance money?

[9:12] No, mainly to prove that she can

[9:14] because then she gets the adults

[9:15] to go laugh at the boy.

[9:17] Laugh at the boy.

Elliott Kalan

[9:18] What if Lassie was like

[9:20] an ace in the hole type thing

[9:21] but instead of Kirk Douglas

[9:22] it was a dog?

Dan McCoy

[9:23] Now, the common joke

[9:25] about Lassie

[9:26] is that Timmy's in the well.

[9:28] Now, I just wonder

[9:29] how many times in Lassie

[9:30] did Timmy actually fall

[9:31] for a well?

[9:31] Oh, never.

[9:32] It was always Lassie

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] getting Timmy.

[9:34] Yeah.

[9:35] And Timmy would say,

[9:35] what's that girl?

[9:36] There's a mountain lion

[9:37] on the loose?

[9:38] What's that girl?

[9:40] They've killed

[9:40] Archduke Ferdinand?

Dan McCoy

[9:41] No.

[9:43] Timmy did not

[9:44] keep that world war

Elliott Kalan

[9:46] from happening.

Stuart Wellington

[9:47] He called his banners

[9:47] immediately.

[9:48] No.

Elliott Kalan

[9:49] That's why he was telling him

[9:51] so that he could

[9:52] marshal his forces

[9:53] on the Belgian border.

[9:54] Yeah.

[9:57] Flynn was working

[9:58] for the Turks

[9:59] even while he was

[10:00] National Security Advisor?

[10:02] McRib is back?

[10:07] You're a boy.

[10:08] I'm so sorry.

[10:09] But hey,

[10:09] it's not an insult.

[10:10] Come on.

[10:10] Be open-minded.

[10:11] Yeah, exactly.

[10:13] So, this movie

[10:13] is literally,

[10:15] it is for lovers of dogs

[10:17] and haters of dogs.

[10:18] Because if you want

[10:19] to see a dog

[10:19] run around to be cute

[10:20] and then die,

[10:21] you get to see that

[10:22] five times in this movie.

[10:24] At least, right?

[10:25] Yeah.

[10:25] Now,

Stuart Wellington

[10:27] The fucking bodies

[10:28] are stacked like cordwood

Elliott Kalan

[10:29] by the end of this thing.

[10:31] Okay.

[10:31] I've heard this thing

[10:32] about bodies being stacked

[10:33] like cordwood.

[10:34] What is it about cordwood

[10:35] that makes it so stackable?

Stuart Wellington

[10:37] Do you ever describe

[10:38] something good

[10:38] stacked like cordwood?

Elliott Kalan

[10:40] You never say like,

[10:41] oh, those graham crackers

[10:41] are stacked like cordwood.

[10:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:43] I like that.

Dan McCoy

[10:44] Those gold Krugerrands

[10:48] When you were pressed

[10:48] to think of something amazing

[10:50] that could be stacked,

[10:50] you went directly

[10:51] to graham crackers.

Elliott Kalan

[10:53] Yeah.

[10:54] The best thing

[10:55] that you could think of.

[10:55] I like graham crackers.

[10:56] They're very stackable

[10:57] because they're flat.

[10:58] Sorry.

[10:58] You never say,

[10:59] those pancakes

[11:00] are stacked by cordwood.

[11:02] Is that the acceptable

[11:03] thing to stack snowflake?

[11:06] Did I offend you

[11:07] by saying you could

[11:08] stack graham crackers?

[11:09] Is this another

Dan McCoy

[11:09] Dan in real life reference?

[11:11] Oh, is it?

[11:11] Because it's not a,

[11:12] it's a stereotype

[11:13] that all people named Dan

[11:14] put their head on pancakes.

Stuart Wellington

[11:16] I think that was

[11:16] the original tagline

[11:17] for Dan in real life.

[11:18] The pancakes

Elliott Kalan

[11:21] The original tagline

[11:22] for Dan in real life

[11:23] was,

[11:24] how crazy is this guy

[11:25] with his pancake pillow?

Dan McCoy

[11:26] Check out

[11:27] a little pancake pillow over here.

Elliott Kalan

[11:28] He's so tired

[11:28] he's going to sleep

[11:29] in his pancakes.

[11:30] Pancake pillow boy.

[11:32] And it was originally

[11:33] based on the play

[11:34] The Pillow Man.

[11:34] It was called

[11:35] The Pancake Pillow Man.

[11:36] And the entire subplot

[11:38] about a bunch

[11:38] of child abductions

[11:40] was removed

[11:40] for the film.

[11:42] Much like how

[11:43] the play

[11:44] The Diary of Anne Frank

[11:45] was eventually made

[11:46] into the movie

[11:46] Bend It Like Beckham.

[11:48] Wow.

[11:49] Yeah.

[11:49] The sexiest tomboy

Dan McCoy

[11:51] beanpole on the planet.

[11:52] Yeah,

[11:52] loose interpretation.

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] Very loose.

[11:54] Anyway,

[11:55] this movie,

[11:56] A Dog's Purpose.

[11:57] Let's get to the facts.

[11:58] So,

[11:59] we open with a shot

[12:01] in the womb.

[12:02] Now,

[12:03] the movie is broken up

[12:04] by these very like

[12:05] swirly light,

[12:06] like you're underwater.

[12:07] If anyone has ever

[12:08] gone to a movie theater

[12:09] and seen one of those programs

[12:10] of like

[12:11] the Oscar nominated shorts,

[12:13] the like

[12:14] in between each of the movies

[12:16] there's like

[12:16] a swirly animation

[12:17] and it says like

[12:18] Academy Award

[12:19] nominated short

[12:20] and then the title

[12:21] and the director.

[12:22] That's what these

[12:23] look like to me.

[12:23] Those transitions.

[12:24] Yeah,

[12:24] you're in the ether.

[12:25] Exactly.

[12:26] Yeah,

[12:26] you're just in mind space.

[12:27] You're just a concept.

[12:28] You're huffing ether.

[12:30] I mean,

[12:31] it's one way

[12:31] to get through the movie.

[12:32] Yeah.

[12:32] Then a dog is born.

[12:34] He says,

[12:34] ever since I was a pup,

[12:36] I wonder what life was like.

[12:37] And this is the voice

[12:37] of Josh Gad

[12:38] just talking about it.

Stuart Wellington

[12:40] Guys,

[12:40] I don't want to show

[12:41] my hand too much

[12:42] right now.

[12:43] Why?

[12:44] Your hands look great.

[12:44] You could be a hand model.

[12:45] Thank you, Elliot.

[12:47] Do you think

[12:47] my nails are long enough?

Elliott Kalan

[12:48] Oh,

[12:49] I think they're

[12:49] the perfect length.

[12:50] They're long enough?

[12:51] They're long.

[12:51] Yeah,

[12:52] Dan,

[12:52] one of three.

[12:55] All right.

[12:55] Skin color

[12:56] and complexion.

[12:58] Now,

[12:58] color,

[12:59] not because

[12:59] they want to be racist here,

[13:01] but because,

[13:02] let's just face it,

[13:03] certain markets

[13:04] like different colored hands.

[13:06] For instance,

[13:06] for gloves,

[13:07] doesn't matter.

[13:08] The glove is covering the hand.

[13:09] But if you're marketing,

[13:10] say,

[13:11] I don't know,

[13:12] stuff that's just

[13:13] for white people,

[13:14] white hands are better.

[13:15] Sure,

[13:16] white stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[13:17] You want your hands

[13:18] to be blue like Yondu.

Elliott Kalan

[13:19] Exactly.

[13:20] If you're marketing

[13:20] something that's for T-Rexes,

[13:22] like say,

[13:23] like a pancake mix

[13:23] for T-Rexes,

[13:24] you want little stubby hands

[13:26] with just two fingers,

[13:27] like a T-Rex

Dan McCoy

[13:27] or maybe claws.

[13:29] You managed to

[13:30] navigate your way

[13:32] through that

[13:32] without being too racist.

Elliott Kalan

[13:33] It was still

[13:34] a little racist.

[13:35] I don't know

[13:36] what kind of thing

[13:36] would only be

[13:37] for white people

[13:38] that's being advertised.

[13:39] I guess like

[13:39] pink Band-Aids?

Dan McCoy

[13:41] Yeah,

[13:42] sure.

[13:43] Flesh colored crayons

[13:44] in the old crayons

[13:45] where they were racist

[13:46] about what

[13:47] flesh colored meant.

Elliott Kalan

[13:48] I prefer,

[13:49] I had to believe

[13:50] that they just meant

[13:51] the flesh that was

[13:52] underneath your skin

[13:53] when you peeled off

[13:53] those top few layers

[13:54] and it's just like

[13:55] muscle underneath.

[13:56] Is that still flesh?

Dan McCoy

[13:58] So you're saying

[13:58] that Crayola

[13:59] is owned by Clive Barker

[14:00] or something like that?

[14:01] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:01] So there are

[14:02] psychopathic monsters.

[14:03] Sure.

[14:04] Look,

[14:04] Crayola is either run

[14:05] by racists

[14:06] or psychopaths.

[14:07] So let's just

[14:07] say that right now.

[14:09] Let's stipulate that.

[14:10] I mean,

[14:10] Goldenrod?

[14:11] What is that?

Stuart Wellington

[14:12] Come at us,

[14:13] Crayola.

[14:14] Deal with it.

[14:16] Big Crayon is going

[14:17] to come down on us

[14:18] like a hammer.

Elliott Kalan

[14:20] Crayola

[14:20] rhymes with payola

[14:21] with,

[14:22] it reminds me of

[14:22] poochola.

[14:23] Follow the money.

Dan McCoy

[14:24] A dog's purpose.

[14:26] One day we're going

[14:26] to do an episode

[14:27] of this show

[14:28] where we never get

[14:29] to the movie

[14:29] and I'll be so happy.

[14:31] I mean,

[14:31] this might be the line.

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] A dog's purpose.

[14:34] We're in the womb.

Stuart Wellington

[14:34] I didn't even say

[14:35] showing my hands

[14:37] here, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] Yeah,

[14:38] so what were you

[14:38] talking about?

[14:39] When I got racist

[14:40] for a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[14:40] I know we don't

[14:41] like to play

[14:41] like backseat driver

[14:43] on these movies

[14:44] and talk about

[14:45] how they would

[14:45] have been better.

[14:46] Yes,

[14:46] we do.

[14:46] But the dog's

[14:49] brain voice

[14:50] is done in this movie

[14:51] by Josh Gad.

[14:52] You may know him

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] as Olaf from Frozen.

[14:54] And other stuff,

[14:56] right?

[14:56] He was in

[14:56] The Comedians

[14:57] with Billy Crystal.

[14:59] Oh, yeah.

[14:59] He was on The Daily Show

[15:00] for a little bit.

[15:01] He was in that.

Dan McCoy

[15:03] Didn't he come to fame

[15:04] on Broadway with that?

[15:06] Oh, Book of Mormon

[15:06] he was in.

[15:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:08] He was in Eataly once

[15:09] when I was eating there

[15:10] and I saw him

[15:11] at another table

[15:11] and I didn't come

[15:13] say hi to him.

[15:13] I saw him on his

Dan McCoy

[15:13] IMDB profile.

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] Because I didn't know

[15:16] if he would remember me

[15:17] from The Daily Show

[15:17] and then the next time

[15:18] I ran into him

[15:19] he was like,

[15:19] why didn't you say hi

[15:20] to me at Eataly?

[15:21] And I was a little embarrassed

[15:23] but then I was like,

[15:23] hey,

[15:24] it takes two to tango,

[15:25] dude.

[15:25] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[15:25] So he does a fine job

[15:27] Yeah, he does

[15:28] whatever he can with him.

[15:29] He does fine.

[15:30] I believed he was

[15:30] the inner voice of a dog.

[15:32] If the narration

[15:33] was done by Werner Herzog.

Elliott Kalan

[15:35] Well, I mean,

[15:36] that's not fair

[15:37] to Josh Gad

[15:38] because anything

[15:38] would be better

[15:39] with narration

[15:40] by Werner Herzog.

[15:41] Like, there's not

[15:42] a lot of celebrities

[15:42] I want to hear

[15:43] describing my sex

[15:44] while I'm having it

[15:45] but if it was Werner Herzog

[15:47] it would be pretty funny.

Dan McCoy

[15:48] I can't think of anything

[15:49] though that would be

[15:50] as philosophically opposed

[15:52] to Werner Herzog

[15:53] than a dog's purpose.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] Since it actively

[15:57] overtly posits

[15:58] a purpose for life.

[15:59] Yeah, it's a purpose

Dan McCoy

[16:00] for life.

[16:00] It celebrates nature.

[16:02] It's overtly sentimental.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] And implies that animals

[16:06] have a sort of human

[16:07] or emotional intelligence.

[16:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:09] The purpose of nature

[16:09] is to bring

[16:10] two olds together

[16:12] and some loving.

Elliott Kalan

[16:13] Don't spoil it.

[16:14] Okay, so a dog is born.

[16:17] The dog is like,

[16:18] I wonder what the purpose

[16:19] of my life was.

[16:20] I had a lot of fun playing.

[16:21] Was that what?

Stuart Wellington

[16:21] He immediately runs away

[16:23] and gets caught

[16:24] by the fucking dog catcher

[16:25] and euthanizes it.

[16:25] Oh, the dog catcher

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] shows up and finds

[16:27] a herd of,

[16:28] or pack of five young dogs,

[16:30] takes one,

[16:31] euthanizes it.

Dan McCoy

[16:32] Throws it in the

[16:33] first dog death

[16:33] of the movie.

[16:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:35] Like, two minutes

[16:36] into the film.

[16:37] Then the dog comes back

[16:38] and now,

[16:39] he's a different dog

[16:40] and he gets,

Stuart Wellington

[16:42] a really different breed.

Elliott Kalan

[16:43] Yeah, different,

[16:44] he's a different breed

[16:44] and every time.

Stuart Wellington

[16:45] In like a fucking

[16:46] cardboard box or something.

[16:47] Like, I feel like

[16:48] that cardboard box

[16:49] is some kind of

Elliott Kalan

[16:50] magical chamber

[16:51] that births dogs.

[16:52] So you're saying

[16:53] it's not that the dog

[16:53] is being reincarnated.

[16:55] It's that this magic chamber

[16:57] is reviving him

[16:58] in a different form

[16:59] each time.

[16:59] Exactly.

[17:00] And his soul returns to it.

[17:01] It's like a,

[17:02] what was that

[17:03] Jake Gyllenhaal movie

[17:04] where he has to run

[17:05] through that simulation?

[17:06] Source code.

[17:07] Source code, yeah.

[17:08] You know, the movie

[17:08] that didn't quite work

[17:10] after the second act

[17:11] because they broke

[17:11] a lot of the rules

[17:12] they set up?

Dan McCoy

[17:13] Yeah, but it was

[17:14] pretty fun though.

[17:15] It was fine.

Elliott Kalan

[17:16] Solid performance

[17:16] from Jeffrey Wright.

[17:18] Oh, sure.

[17:18] I mean, everybody

[17:19] in it was solid.

[17:20] As a rock.

[17:22] Including the rock.

[17:23] He was in it?

[17:24] Yeah, he played

[17:24] the credits.

[17:25] Oh, okay.

[17:25] He played the credits.

[17:26] They just painted

[17:26] them on his chest.

[17:28] So anyway,

[17:29] he gets captured

[17:30] by a dog breeder,

[17:32] I guess.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:33] But then he escapes

[17:34] and he's found

[17:36] by a little boy

[17:37] named Ethan

Stuart Wellington

[17:37] after almost

[17:39] dehydrating

[17:40] inside a closed car.

[17:42] Yeah.

[17:42] If only those guys

[17:43] had put a sign

[17:44] on the window

[17:44] that said he was

[17:45] in there with

[17:45] his favorite music

[17:46] and whatever,

[17:48] something cool to drink.

[17:49] It says like

Elliott Kalan

[17:49] original party animal,

[17:51] do not bother.

[17:53] the little boy finds the dog

[17:55] and his mother

[17:56] is enamored

[17:56] of the dog also,

[17:57] but they have to convince

[17:58] the boy's dad,

[18:00] who's a little bit

[18:00] of a grumpy grandpa,

[18:03] although he's not

Stuart Wellington

[18:04] a grandpa,

[18:04] he's a dad.

[18:05] I want to jump in here

[18:05] and say that the movie

[18:06] has already set the stakes

[18:08] right away.

[18:09] We see a dog,

[18:10] a baby dog get captured

[18:11] and then euthanized

[18:12] immediately.

[18:13] It's like a fucking

[18:13] horror movie.

[18:14] So we know

[18:15] what could happen.

[18:16] So the fact that

[18:17] in his next life,

[18:18] he only,

[18:19] like it looks like

[18:20] he's going to dehydrate

[18:21] and die.

[18:21] At that point,

[18:22] I'm like,

[18:22] dog number two's done.

Elliott Kalan

[18:25] Well,

[18:26] you're always worried

[18:27] about him because

[18:27] you know the movie's

[18:28] willing to go there.

Stuart Wellington

[18:29] Yeah,

[18:30] they don't give a fuck.

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] No,

[18:31] they'll show you

[18:32] a dog dying

[18:33] in a movie for dog lovers

[18:34] about dogs.

[18:35] Like,

Stuart Wellington

[18:35] the dog is the,

[18:37] the movie is the waiter

[18:38] who walks up to my table

[18:39] without breaking eye contact,

[18:41] just pushes my plate

[18:42] of food onto the floor.

[18:44] Where are you eating?

[18:47] Applebee's?

Dan McCoy

[18:48] I don't,

[18:49] I don't know whether

[18:49] it was,

[18:50] it was as early

[18:51] as the second dog death

[18:52] or maybe the third dog death

[18:54] when I turned to Elliot

[18:55] and I'm like,

[18:56] who,

[18:57] what monsters

[18:58] is this movie for?

[18:59] It was the third dog death.

[19:00] Like,

[19:00] people who want to watch

[19:02] a dog die

[19:03] over and over again.

Elliott Kalan

[19:04] But here's the thing,

[19:04] dog lovers

[19:05] love the sadness

[19:07] of a dead dog.

[19:08] Can you think about

[19:09] a movie about a dog,

[19:10] can you think about

[19:11] a movie about a dog

[19:12] that didn't at some point

[19:13] either kill the dog

[19:14] or tease the idea

[19:16] that the dog would die?

[19:17] Think about it.

[19:18] There's that dog,

[19:19] there's a,

[19:20] what,

[19:20] that Marley and Me,

[19:22] Old Yeller,

[19:23] Old Yeller,

[19:24] Turner and Hooch,

[19:25] like,

[19:26] I think,

[19:26] Canine,

[19:27] where the dog

[19:27] tried to die

Stuart Wellington

[19:28] and escape

[19:29] the terror

[19:29] of Jim Belushi.

[19:31] Only to be

[19:32] reincarnated

[19:32] as Jim Belushi.

[19:33] The dog tried

[19:33] to commit suicide.

[19:35] Yeah,

[19:35] yeah,

[19:35] yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] So many dogs

[19:37] committed suicide

[19:37] on the set of

[19:38] Canine.

[19:39] Sure.

[19:39] Sad,

[19:40] really.

Stuart Wellington

[19:41] Turner and Hooch

[19:42] is the one

[19:42] where Craig T. Nelson

[19:43] tries to kill a dog,

[19:44] right?

[19:45] Is it Craig T. Nelson?

[19:46] Yeah,

[19:46] Craig T. Nelson's

[19:47] the bad guy,

[19:48] I think.

[19:48] But the T stands

[19:49] for Turner.

[19:50] Yeah,

[19:51] that's what it is.

[19:52] I don't remember

[19:52] Craig T. Nelson being him.

[19:53] It was shocking for me

[19:54] because I'm like,

[19:55] why is Coach

[19:55] trying to kill this dog?

Elliott Kalan

[19:57] That was,

[19:58] oh no,

[19:58] you think of Turner

[19:58] and Coach.

Stuart Wellington

[19:59] Oh,

[20:00] that's what I was thinking.

Elliott Kalan

[20:01] Yeah,

[20:01] yeah,

[20:01] Turner was the dog

[20:02] in that one

[20:02] and Craig T. Nelson

[20:03] was Coach.

[20:04] Jerry Van Dyke,

[20:05] of course,

[20:05] played his character

[20:05] of I don't know

[20:06] the name of that character.

Stuart Wellington

[20:07] And Dauber

[20:08] played Dauber.

[20:09] Yeah,

[20:09] Dogger.

Dan McCoy

[20:11] Which was the dog

[20:12] version of Frogger.

[20:13] Okay.

[20:14] Anyway,

[20:15] so,

[20:15] Ethan,

[20:16] you know what

[20:17] their favorite

[20:17] kind of beer is?

Elliott Kalan

[20:18] What?

[20:19] Lager.

[20:20] Okay.

[20:21] You know where they go?

[20:22] Where?

[20:23] Sogger.

[20:23] Tease.

[20:25] That joke

[20:26] was a real

[20:27] Sogger tease.

[20:30] Hey,

[20:31] you know what

[20:31] their sexual fetish is?

[20:32] What?

[20:32] Flogger.

[20:36] Hey,

[20:37] you know what happens

[20:38] when they use

[20:39] the toilet?

Dan McCoy

[20:39] What?

[20:40] Flogger.

[20:41] I feel like Elliot

[20:42] goes to like

[20:43] the website

[20:44] Rhyme Zone

[20:45] and just laughs

[20:46] and laughs

[20:47] and laughs.

Elliott Kalan

[20:48] Oh,

[20:49] that's like porn

[20:49] for me.

[20:50] I just like,

[20:51] what are words

[20:52] that rhyme with

[20:53] giant

[20:55] and then I'll

[20:56] just jack off

[20:57] to that.

[20:58] Pliant.

[20:59] What kind of job

Stuart Wellington

[21:00] does he have

[21:00] on the internet?

[21:01] He's a blogger.

[21:02] Oh,

[21:03] someone's playing

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] the game.

[21:05] Somebody's playing

[21:06] the game.

[21:06] Dan,

[21:06] your turn.

[21:07] Come on.

[21:08] Come on.

[21:08] Don't be an asshole.

[21:11] I mean,

[21:14] vlogger is right there.

[21:15] Oh,

[21:15] God.

[21:18] Snogger.

Dan McCoy

[21:19] Smogger.

[21:20] Okay.

[21:21] Dan's starting

[21:21] to sweat,

[21:22] everybody.

[21:23] He's a real fan

[21:24] of that movie

[21:26] with Joan Crawford.

[21:27] He's a trogger.

Elliott Kalan

[21:28] All right.

[21:29] Okay.

[21:30] I also would have

[21:30] accepted he likes

[21:31] to celebrate

[21:32] Purim at the synagogue

[21:33] with a grogger.

[21:34] Sure.

[21:35] That's a noisemaker.

Stuart Wellington

[21:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:37] Took a ride

[21:38] around the block

[21:39] for that one,

[21:39] but I think

[21:40] the journey

[21:40] was worth it.

[21:41] In that,

[21:41] it meant that

[21:42] Jews weren't killed

[21:43] because Haman

[21:44] was taken out

[21:45] of the picture?

[21:45] Yes,

[21:46] it was worth it.

Dan McCoy

[21:46] It was the fellow

[21:47] who wore cookies

[21:48] for a hat,

[21:48] right?

[21:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:50] Judaism's a weird

[21:51] religion since

[21:52] we celebrate

[21:53] one of our

[21:54] weirder holidays

[21:55] by eating a cookie

[21:56] in the shape

[21:56] of the hat

[21:57] of the Hitler

[21:57] of the what?

[21:58] 12th century?

[21:59] 10th century?

[22:00] So anyway,

[22:00] or maybe it was

[22:01] very short.

[22:02] Long story short.

[22:03] This is the main

[22:04] story of the movie

[22:05] is the dog

[22:06] becomes named Bailey.

[22:07] He's Ethan's dog.

[22:08] Ethan's dad

[22:09] does not like him,

[22:09] not the least

[22:10] because he's always,

[22:11] he's a dog.

[22:11] He's rambunctious.

[22:12] He eats his gold coin

[22:15] that's a collector's

[22:16] edition.

[22:16] He shits it out though.

[22:17] But not until after

[22:19] it's become an

[22:20] embarrassing situation

[22:21] when the dad's boss

[22:22] comes over for dinner.

[22:24] And now,

[22:24] this is a weird thing

[22:25] that at some point

[22:26] in human history

[22:27] it was considered

[22:29] appropriate for a boss

[22:30] to impose on his

[22:31] employees by going

[22:32] to dinner at their

[22:33] house and having

[22:34] a business conversation

[22:35] in front of their

[22:36] family.

Dan McCoy

[22:36] That's why you became

[22:37] a boss back in the

[22:37] old days,

[22:38] for all the free grub.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:40] Yeah,

[22:40] it would make all the

[22:41] writers take me out

[22:42] to dinner.

[22:42] And I'd be like,

[22:43] tell me,

[22:44] why should I keep

[22:45] you on?

[22:46] And they'd be like,

[22:46] well you don't really

[22:46] have the power to fire

[22:47] us.

[22:48] And I'd go,

[22:48] but,

[22:50] okay,

[22:51] I'll pay for dinner.

Stuart Wellington

[22:52] It's like when

[22:53] a lord or lady

[22:54] would travel to their

[22:56] vassals

[22:57] and have them

[22:58] feed them

[22:58] and take them

[23:00] into their homes

[23:01] for a little while.

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] That's a very fair

[23:02] point.

[23:03] That's a good point.

Stuart Wellington

[23:04] So we get this

[23:05] really great scene.

[23:06] The dad character

[23:07] who had previously

[23:09] accused Ethan

[23:10] and the dog

[23:10] of playing dirty pool

[23:12] by using the

[23:13] cuteness of this

[23:14] dog to convince him

[23:15] to take the dog

[23:16] in as a ward.

[23:18] Yeah,

[23:18] that's what it was.

[23:19] I think it's called

[23:19] a pet.

[23:20] He does the same shit

[23:21] where he has his boss

[23:22] in,

[23:23] has his fucking kid,

[23:24] dog,

[23:24] and wife there

[23:25] and he's like,

[23:26] yo dude,

[23:27] how about you give me

[23:28] a desk job

[23:28] instead of keeping me

[23:29] on the road

[23:30] all the time?

Elliott Kalan

[23:30] He goes,

[23:31] the numbers have been

[23:33] very good lately.

[23:34] Yes,

[23:35] they have been good numbers.

[23:36] You are a top

[23:37] traveling salesman.

[23:38] What does this guy sell?

[23:40] What is this business?

[23:42] I guess.

[23:43] He's a drunk.

[23:45] The dog eats a coin,

[23:47] a gold coin.

[23:48] It's a Godin gold dollar

[23:50] which is a very valuable coin.

Stuart Wellington

[23:52] Who's he fucking Mario?

[23:53] What's he doing eating coins?

[23:54] Is Mario eating those coins?

[23:56] I mean,

[23:56] he runs through them

[23:57] and they disappear.

[23:58] Yeah,

[23:58] he doesn't have like

[23:59] big pockets.

[24:01] He's wearing overalls.

[24:02] He has huge pockets.

Dan McCoy

[24:03] I don't want to start bulging.

[24:05] I mean,

[24:05] he's eating so many coins.

[24:07] Mario's got to bulge,

[24:08] all right.

Stuart Wellington

[24:09] Oh,

[24:09] gross.

[24:10] Elliot's been looking

[24:11] at DeviantArt again.

[24:12] Damn,

[24:12] I told you to block

[24:13] that website.

Dan McCoy

[24:15] I need to know

[24:16] what's going on

[24:17] with Sonic pregnancy.

Stuart Wellington

[24:21] What's going on?

[24:21] What trimester are they in?

Elliott Kalan

[24:24] What's happening?

[24:24] Wait,

[24:25] so his knuckles are dead?

[24:26] What's happening up now?

[24:26] Tails the dead.

[24:28] Or is it Dr. Roboto

[24:29] or whatever his name was?

[24:30] Robotnik.

[24:31] Robotnik.

[24:31] Oh,

[24:31] they changed it

[24:32] at Ellis Island,

[24:33] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:33] Knuckles is usually

[24:34] the dom

[24:35] and Tails is usually

[24:37] the femme

[24:37] or a dead character.

[24:39] Yeah,

[24:39] they're always so sad

[24:40] that Tails died.

[24:42] Somebody's like

[24:42] cradling his dead body.

Elliott Kalan

[24:44] And I always imagine

[24:44] that Sonic

[24:45] has the voice

[24:46] that Jaleel White

[24:47] gave him in the

[24:47] Sonic the Hedgehog

[24:48] cartoon show.

[24:49] I don't remember

[24:50] that at all.

[24:51] It was a cartoon show.

[24:52] Sonic the Hedgehog

[24:53] starred in it.

[24:54] Urkel himself

[24:54] did the voice of Sonic,

[24:55] like not as Urkel.

[24:57] Like his cool voice.

[24:58] Yeah,

[24:58] yeah,

Dan McCoy

[24:58] he did it as Sonic.

Elliott Kalan

[25:00] Yeah,

[25:00] of course,

[25:01] who is not a nerd.

[25:02] Yeah.

[25:03] So the dog

[25:03] has to poop out

[25:04] this gold coin

[25:05] so that he can get it

[25:06] back in the box.

[25:07] The kid,

[25:09] to distract them,

[25:10] to distract them.

[25:11] Okay.

[25:12] So he can slip

[25:12] the gold coin

[25:13] back in the box.

[25:13] He goes,

[25:14] hey,

[25:14] there's a rat

[25:15] over there

[25:16] leading to the-

[25:17] Good thinking,

[25:17] Ethan.

[25:18] Yeah,

[25:18] moron.

[25:19] The boss's wife

[25:19] climbs up on the table,

[25:21] ends up halfway

[25:22] into a cake

[25:23] and falls down

[25:24] and collapses the table.

[25:25] Oh boy.

[25:26] Have to assume

[25:27] the dad lost his job

[25:28] over that one

[25:28] because he becomes a drunk.

[25:30] We flash forward.

Dan McCoy

[25:31] We never see,

[25:32] by the way,

[25:32] I just want to say,

[25:33] we never see the kid

[25:34] washing off that poop coin

[25:36] before slipping a bag

[25:37] into that.

Elliott Kalan

[25:37] He licks the whole thing off.

[25:38] Okay.

[25:39] He's like,

[25:40] uh,

[25:41] uh,

[25:42] uh,

[25:43] because he couldn't see anything.

Stuart Wellington

[25:44] I heard that the human mouth

[25:45] is much cleaner

[25:45] than any kind of snake.

[25:47] And dog's poop.

Elliott Kalan

[25:48] I mean,

[25:49] the human mouth

[25:49] is cleaner than dog's poop.

[25:51] That goes without saying.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] That old wives tale is true.

Elliott Kalan

[25:56] They used to say

[25:57] that they were,

[25:57] yeah,

[25:58] dog's butt is cleaner

[25:59] than what any,

[26:00] and it was like,

[26:00] there's no possible way

[26:02] that's the case.

[26:03] Unless there is

[26:04] xenomorph acid blood

[26:06] burning,

[26:07] the germs off.

Dan McCoy

[26:08] A rumor spread around

[26:09] by dogs

[26:10] who wanted people

[26:11] to lick their butts.

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] From the dog butt

[26:15] licking council?

[26:15] Yeah, that's right.

[26:16] Lick one today.

[26:17] Have you licked

[26:18] a dog butt today?

[26:19] Mm-hmm.

[26:20] Wait, no, I haven't.

[26:21] Four out of five doctors say,

[26:22] ew, get away from me.

[26:24] The fifth doctor

[26:24] lost his license.

Dan McCoy

[26:28] So,

[26:29] uh,

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] Ethan grows up.

[26:30] Oh, no,

[26:31] but first,

[26:31] we see that Ethan has a,

[26:33] uh,

[26:33] the dog bites Ethan's football

[26:35] and deflates it.

[26:37] Ethan doesn't care.

[26:38] He just tosses it

[26:38] like a frisbee.

[26:39] He and the dog

[26:40] have this trick.

[26:40] He invents fucking frisbees.

[26:42] He invents a frisbee,

[26:43] which I thought Marty McFly

[26:44] invented in the Old West.

[26:46] And then he does a trick

[26:48] where he throws,

[26:49] he somehow throws the frisbee

[26:51] and then the dog

[26:52] jumps off of his back

[26:53] to catch it.

[26:54] This must be the slowest

[26:55] moving frisbee

[26:56] in the world.

[26:57] Like,

[26:57] I don't get how

[26:58] that's possible.

[26:59] Dan,

[26:59] explain it to me.

[27:00] Because I'm missing something.

Dan McCoy

[27:02] Uh,

[27:03] so time and space

[27:04] are warped around

[27:06] the love of a dog.

[27:09] Oh,

[27:09] that's Einstein's

[27:10] general theory

[27:11] of dogativity.

[27:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:12] Yeah,

[27:12] it's like a sick gnarly trick

[27:13] like in,

[27:14] uh,

[27:14] Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

[27:16] As soon as he started

[27:17] doing something,

[27:18] physics and stuff

Elliott Kalan

[27:18] doesn't matter.

[27:19] Oh,

[27:19] or like the knuckle puck

[27:20] in the Mighty Ducks films.

[27:22] Mm-hmm.

[27:22] Okay,

[27:23] so,

[27:24] flash forward.

[27:24] Yeah,

[27:25] Ethan has become

[27:25] a high school football star.

[27:27] His dad is a drunk.

Dan McCoy

[27:29] Yeah,

[27:29] he's a problem.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] And Ethan's on top

[27:31] of the world.

[27:32] He's the star

[27:32] of the football team.

[27:33] Everybody loves him

[27:34] except this one kid

[27:35] who hates him

[27:35] because he's kind of

[27:36] the Iago type.

[27:37] Yeah.

[27:37] And his dog's still with him

[27:39] and his dog helps him

[27:40] meet cute

[27:41] with a cute girl

[27:42] at the local carnival.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:44] He shows her

[27:44] where the good hot dogs

[27:45] are at the carnival

[27:46] and before you know it.

[27:47] He specifically says,

Dan McCoy

[27:48] let's get the good hot dogs

[27:50] over here.

[27:50] He goes,

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] oh,

[27:51] there's a good one over here.

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:52] And before you know it,

[27:54] they're using

[27:55] a different kind of hot dog.

[27:56] There's ones where

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] there's like cheese

[27:58] squirted on the inside

[27:59] of that hot dog.

[28:00] Yeah,

[28:00] probably.

[28:01] The kind of cheese

Stuart Wellington

[28:01] that squirts out

Dan McCoy

[28:02] and gets all over the place.

[28:03] Oh,

[28:03] it gets you all nasty.

[28:04] Yeah,

[28:05] cheese nasty.

[28:07] Cheese nasty.

[28:08] Sounds like a

[28:09] old Alan Moore character.

[28:10] Yeah,

[28:10] sounds like a fucking

[28:11] Batman villain

[28:12] on Gotham.

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] What happened was,

[28:14] I'm sure there's some

[28:16] cheese mascot

[28:19] that Alan Moore

[28:20] turned into a porno comic

[28:22] of some kind

[28:23] to make a point about,

[28:24] freedom or something.

[28:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:27] Well,

[28:27] you know,

[28:28] he was in an erotic

[28:29] relationship with his

[28:30] common law wife

[28:33] and they,

[28:34] you know,

[28:34] did a cheese

[28:35] themed comic book.

[28:37] can't shame somebody

[28:38] for loving cheese

Stuart Wellington

[28:39] and stuff,

[28:40] dude.

[28:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:42] It's delicious.

[28:43] Okay,

[28:43] you're right.

[28:44] It is delicious.

[28:45] It's one of the top

[28:45] two things you can do

[28:46] with stuff that comes

[28:47] out of a cow.

[28:51] So.

[28:52] Yeah,

[28:52] there's ice cream.

[28:54] There's a big,

[28:55] big game.

[28:58] Okay.

[28:59] Well,

[28:59] Ethan comes home one night

[29:01] from snogging with his gal

[29:02] with Bailey,

[29:04] his dog,

[29:04] who goes with him

[29:05] everywhere,

[29:05] even to school.

[29:06] Yeah.

[29:06] And he finds that his dad

[29:08] is arguing with his mom

[29:09] and pushes her

[29:09] and he says,

[29:10] never touch her again.

[29:11] You get out of here

[29:12] and throws him out.

[29:14] Now,

[29:14] it's the night of a big game.

Stuart Wellington

[29:16] There are scouts.

[29:16] There was a scene

[29:17] where I was expecting

[29:18] them to get in a scuffle

[29:20] and the dad to like

Dan McCoy

[29:21] kick Bailey

[29:22] into outer space

[29:23] or something.

[29:23] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[29:24] yeah,

[29:24] yeah.

[29:24] Because anytime drama happens,

[29:26] I immediately assume

[29:27] it's going to lead to

[29:28] injury of the dog.

Dan McCoy

[29:29] Yeah.

[29:30] The dog,

[29:30] luckily,

[29:31] is not hurt

[29:32] in this first,

[29:34] in the second

[29:34] iteration of his life.

[29:36] But,

[29:37] so,

Elliott Kalan

[29:37] there's a big game.

[29:39] Ethan announces

[29:40] that scouts

[29:40] from Michigan State

[29:41] were there

[29:42] to give him

[29:43] a full four-year scholarship.

[29:45] He's on top of the world,

[29:46] but he gets into a fight

[29:47] with that Iago kid

[29:49] and the kid

[29:50] is playing around

[29:50] with firecrackers

[29:51] because the kid

[29:53] makes fun of him

[29:53] for having a drunk dad.

[29:54] A bad dad,

[29:55] football dad,

[29:56] which is what they call

[29:56] bad dad,

[29:57] soccer dad in England.

[29:59] That night,

[30:00] and then Ethan punches

[30:01] that kid.

[30:01] That kid gets his revenge

[30:02] by throwing a lit firecracker

[30:04] into the mail slaw

[30:04] of their house.

[30:05] The house burns down

[30:06] in the night.

[30:07] Now,

[30:07] they only escape

[30:08] with their lives.

Stuart Wellington

[30:09] He drops it on their,

[30:09] what,

[30:10] like,

[30:10] their oil-soaked

[30:11] welcome mat?

[30:13] Back then,

[30:13] in what I said,

[30:14] popular in the 70s?

Elliott Kalan

[30:15] It's the early 70s,

[30:16] I guess.

[30:17] Yeah,

[30:17] and people love

[30:17] to take their welcome mat

[30:18] and just soak it with oil

[30:20] because they thought

[30:21] that the fumes

[30:21] kind of made you

[30:22] lose your inhibitions,

[30:23] you know?

[30:25] They had doormat parties

[30:27] where you'd take a doormat

[30:28] and you'd throw it

[30:28] into a kid's swimming pool,

[30:30] those little,

[30:30] like,

[30:31] little kid's swimming pools,

[30:32] and then you'd pull out

[30:33] a random doormat

[30:34] and you'd just take that

[30:35] to your house

[30:35] and you'd put it

[30:36] on your doorstep.

[30:38] Yeah.

[30:38] And then when you

[30:39] woke up in the morning

[30:39] you'd be like,

[30:40] whoa,

[30:40] crazy.

[30:41] What did I do

[30:42] last night

[30:42] with that doormat?

[30:44] This used to say

[30:44] welcome

[30:45] and now it says

[30:45] welcome please.

Stuart Wellington

[30:47] Thank you.

[30:48] Now I understand

[30:49] the ice storm,

[30:49] guys.

Elliott Kalan

[30:50] Yeah,

[30:50] yeah.

[30:51] Now the ice storm

[30:52] is all about a time

[30:53] when ice fell out

[30:54] of the sky.

[30:55] It's called

[30:55] Ice Age Dawn

[30:56] of the Dinosaurs.

[30:57] Oh,

[30:57] that's crazy.

[30:57] And it stars

[30:58] John Leguizamo,

[30:59] Ray Romano,

[30:59] and Dennis Liriano.

Stuart Wellington

[31:01] But how do they get

[31:02] all those stars

[31:03] into one movie,

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] Elliot?

[31:04] Well,

[31:05] there's only one way

[31:06] to do it.

[31:07] Star vacuum sealing.

[31:08] Dan,

[31:09] how often have you found

[31:10] that you have too many stars

[31:11] for the space

[31:12] you need to keep it in?

[31:12] All the time.

[31:13] I wish there was

[31:14] a better way.

[31:15] And now there is.

[31:16] Stop stuffing your stars,

[31:18] smushing your stars,

[31:18] or cutting their heads

[31:19] and feet off

[31:20] so that they'll fit

[31:20] into your drawers.

[31:21] Here,

[31:22] it's time for

[31:22] the star vacuum seal.

[31:23] Now,

[31:24] all you have to do

[31:24] is take your star,

[31:25] let's say it's,

[31:28] Hector Elizondo,

[31:29] and put him in a plastic bag,

[31:31] suck out all the extra air,

[31:33] and it scrunches him down

[31:34] to a much shorter,

[31:35] smaller,

[31:36] more storable space.

[31:37] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[31:39] Hector compact Zandro,

[31:41] more like.

[31:42] Why do you always put

[31:42] dro at the end of it?

[31:45] It's a mental block

[31:46] I take a day.

Elliott Kalan

[31:47] It's a weird verbal tick

[31:48] that only manifests

[31:49] when you're saying

[31:50] the name of Hector Elizondo.

[31:53] Elizondo sounds wrong to me.

[31:55] Sounds El-a-rongo.

[31:57] That's right.

[31:58] Anyway,

[31:58] we've been having our fun,

[31:59] but you know who's not having fun?

[32:01] Bailey,

[32:01] because he notices

[32:02] that smell of smoke.

[32:03] Now,

[32:03] he describes every smell

[32:05] he experiences like,

[32:06] this was an angry smell.

[32:08] I didn't like this smell.

[32:09] When Ethan first sees

[32:11] the girl as a crush

[32:11] and he goes,

[32:12] Ethan had a new smell,

[32:14] a sweaty smell.

[32:15] Mm-hmm.

[32:16] It's all disgusting.

Dan McCoy

[32:17] I could smell his pre-cum

[32:18] dripping from his sweaty areas.

[32:20] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[32:20] don't like that.

[32:22] Yeah.

[32:22] That was too,

[32:23] for some reason,

[32:24] if we had said jokes

[32:25] that led up to that,

[32:26] I'd be okay with it,

[32:26] but for it to just come

[32:27] out of nowhere,

[32:28] no pun intended,

[32:29] come on guys,

[32:30] get your minds

[32:31] out of the gutter.

[32:32] Yep.

[32:33] I didn't like it.

Dan McCoy

[32:34] All right.

[32:34] Well,

[32:35] we'll put it in the

[32:36] Flophouse Jail.

Stuart Wellington

[32:37] Save all your pre-cum material.

[32:41] Just save that,

[32:42] put that in a little thing,

[32:43] lock it up.

Dan McCoy

[32:43] I'm just saying I was premature

[32:44] with my pre-cum material.

[32:45] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[32:46] premature

[32:47] exclamation.

[32:49] Yeah,

[32:50] well,

[32:50] you can go with that.

[32:52] ejacus saline.

Stuart Wellington

[32:54] Mm-hmm.

[32:55] ejacus saline.

[32:56] So we're saying the dog can smell

[32:57] when this dude gets a boner.

[32:59] Yes.

[32:59] The dog can smell

[33:00] when the dude gets a boner.

[33:01] He can also smell

[33:02] when the lady gets a lady boner.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] Yes,

[33:03] because he says that she has

[33:05] a sweaty smell too.

[33:06] And it seems to be the same smell.

[33:08] And when the two of them are kissing,

[33:09] he's of course there

[33:09] and he's like,

[33:10] they wrestled a lot

[33:11] with their mouths.

[33:12] They must have thought

[33:13] they had food in there.

[33:14] Was there food hidden in there?

[33:16] And it's like,

[33:16] stop,

[33:17] stop it.

[33:18] Grody.

[33:18] Is this for kids?

[33:20] Anyway,

[33:20] Bailey wakes them up

[33:22] Is this for kids

[33:23] or just dog haters?

[33:24] Or dog lovers?

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] In Escaping from the House,

[33:30] Ethan falls,

[33:31] hurts his leg,

[33:32] a fiery beam falls on it,

[33:34] a wooden beam,

[33:35] not a laser beam,

[33:36] and the next thing we know

[33:38] he's on crutches,

[33:38] he's not going to college.

[33:40] His life is over.

[33:41] Well,

Dan McCoy

[33:41] he's going to like

[33:41] a farm school now.

Elliott Kalan

[33:43] Yeah,

[33:43] yeah.

[33:43] To learn how to

Dan McCoy

[33:44] take over the farm.

Stuart Wellington

[33:45] It feels like that fire

[33:46] was set by the University of Michigan

[33:48] to deny their rivals

[33:50] a powerful football player.

Elliott Kalan

[33:51] Oh,

[33:52] I see.

[33:52] Some Wolverine

[33:53] sneaking around.

[33:55] They must have sent

[33:56] Wolverine in disguise as Patch

[33:57] to go set this fire.

[34:00] Now,

[34:00] here's how you can tell

[34:01] the difference between

[34:01] Wolverine and Patch.

[34:02] Okay.

[34:03] What is it,

[34:04] Patch?

[34:04] Where's an eye patch?

[34:05] All right.

[34:06] But otherwise,

[34:07] people can never tell

[34:08] that he's the famous Wolverine.

[34:09] Because they're like,

[34:10] Wolverine has a healing factor.

[34:11] He'd never lose an eye.

[34:12] That eye would just

[34:13] grow right back.

[34:14] Yep.

[34:14] So this Patch character

[34:15] must be,

[34:16] his cousin.

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] And he also

[34:19] is a native of Madripoor,

[34:21] right?

Elliott Kalan

[34:21] Yes.

[34:22] Madripoor,

[34:22] the shadowy land that,

[34:24] Does he ever patch

Stuart Wellington

[34:25] when he leaves Madripoor?

[34:26] I don't think so.

[34:27] Like,

[34:28] is there a place

[34:29] in the airport

[34:29] that he can just

[34:30] leave his patch?

Elliott Kalan

[34:32] There's probably like

[34:32] a locker in the airport.

Stuart Wellington

[34:33] A place in the airport?

[34:35] Yeah.

[34:35] When he takes a flight back,

[34:37] I mean,

[34:37] he can't take the fucking

[34:38] Blackbird everywhere,

[34:39] dude.

[34:40] No,

[34:40] come on.

Dan McCoy

[34:40] Take a regular flight

[34:41] out of Madripoor.

Elliott Kalan

[34:43] Well,

[34:43] the thing is,

[34:44] there's no direct...

[34:44] Madripoor,

[34:45] the well-known delta hub.

[34:46] There's actually

[34:47] no direct flights

[34:48] between Madripoor

[34:49] and New York.

[34:50] You have to go

[34:50] from Madripoor

[34:51] to Genosha,

[34:52] from Genosha

[34:53] to Latveria,

[34:54] Latveria to Simcaria,

[34:56] Simcaria to Wakanda,

[34:58] which is weird.

[34:58] Wait,

Elliott Kalan

[34:58] where is Simcaria?

[35:00] Simcaria is in Europe,

[35:00] also that's where

[35:01] Silver Sable is from.

[35:02] Oh,

[35:02] okay.

[35:03] Then back to Wakanda,

[35:05] because that's where

[35:06] the actual hub is.

[35:07] And then over to

[35:08] Muir Island.

[35:09] Then up to

[35:10] Muir Island.

[35:10] Then over to the

[35:11] blue area of the moon

[35:12] where the Watcher lives.

[35:13] Then to the hidden city

[35:14] of Atalon.

[35:15] And then Savage Land.

[35:17] Down to the Savage Land,

[35:18] yeah.

[35:19] AKA Detroit.

Stuart Wellington

[35:20] Uh-oh!

[35:21] Uh-oh!

[35:21] Blast, blast, blast.

[35:22] They were just

[35:22] set Detroit on fire.

Elliott Kalan

[35:24] Then up to Project Pegasus.

[35:26] And finally to

[35:28] Empire State University

[35:29] in New York City.

[35:31] How's that?

[35:32] From Marvel locations.

[35:33] Yeah,

[35:33] how's that gazetteer, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[35:34] Where in the world

[35:36] is Marvel going this time?

[35:39] That's the theme song

[35:41] from what you just did.

[35:42] Yeah, I don't get it.

[35:44] You were doing

[35:44] Marvel locations.

[35:45] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[35:47] I knew Rockapella.

[35:48] Just don't give the melody.

[35:48] Rockapella was a friend of mine.

[35:49] Uh-huh.

[35:50] You sure know Rockapella.

Dan McCoy

[35:52] No.

[35:52] You're better.

[35:53] Oh, thanks.

[35:55] So,

[35:56] long story short.

[35:56] Let me tell you about

[35:57] this zombie jamboree.

Elliott Kalan

[35:59] In this time,

[35:59] no,

[36:00] please don't.

[36:01] Oh, God,

[36:02] I hate this song.

[36:02] Anyway,

[36:03] only because there was

[36:04] an assembly at school once

[36:05] where a group came

[36:06] and sang that song

[36:07] and it was endless.

[36:09] Forever.

[36:11] Now,

[36:12] in this timeline,

[36:14] Bailey dies a natural death

[36:15] of old age.

[36:16] Then he's reincarnated.

[36:20] Bailey is reincarnated

[36:21] as,

[36:22] is the next one

[36:23] when he is

[36:25] with the college student?

[36:27] No,

[36:28] he is the police dog.

[36:29] Right.

[36:30] That's when Dan turned to me

[36:31] and said,

[36:31] who is this movie for?

[36:33] Because he is reincarnated

[36:33] as a police dog

[36:35] who is with a policeman

[36:37] who has lost his wife

[36:38] in some way,

[36:38] either divorce or death.

[36:40] We don't know.

[36:40] And is lonely all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] But at least things

[36:43] are looking up

[36:43] because it's not all

[36:44] white people.

Elliott Kalan

[36:45] No,

[36:45] that's true.

[36:46] Yeah.

[36:46] He's what,

[36:47] Latino?

[36:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:49] And I think,

[36:49] I think he is like

[36:51] captain,

[36:51] the detective on the case

[36:53] of the missing girl

[36:54] is a black man.

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] Of course.

[36:56] So they track down

[36:57] a missing girl

[36:58] and then it becomes

[36:59] an action scene

[37:00] on a bridge over a river.

[37:01] And this is both

[37:02] wildly out of tone

[37:03] for the movie.

[37:04] Up to this point,

[37:04] the movie has these

[37:05] like great sweeping shots

[37:06] around the dam.

[37:07] Oh yeah,

[37:08] of course.

[37:09] And,

[37:09] and the dog gets shot

[37:10] and dies during the sequence.

[37:11] Now,

[37:12] this movie,

[37:13] spoiler alert,

Dan McCoy

[37:15] we're telling the plot

[37:16] of the movie.

[37:17] Are you talking about

[37:18] the scene?

[37:18] Oh,

[37:19] sorry,

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] sorry.

[37:19] They,

[37:20] the,

[37:20] this is the third

[37:21] of five lives

[37:22] of the dogs.

[37:22] The dog gets shot

[37:23] and you'll never guess

[37:24] what happens next.

[37:26] click through to find out.

[37:27] It's a slideshow.

[37:29] Oh man.

Stuart Wellington

[37:30] The scene where the detective

[37:31] is like sobbing

[37:34] and holding this bleeding dog

[37:35] and Josh Gad's voice says,

[37:38] I'm cold.

[37:39] Can I just go lie down

[37:40] in your bed?

Dan McCoy

[37:42] Yeah,

[37:43] no,

[37:43] I mean like the,

[37:44] the kidnapper knocks

[37:45] the girl,

[37:46] or she falls off the bridge.

[37:48] He throws her off the bridge.

[37:49] The dog goes and rescues the,

Stuart Wellington

[37:51] he never throws his daughter

[37:53] off a bridge,

Dan McCoy

[37:53] right?

[37:54] It's supposed to be his daughter.

[37:55] Is it his daughter?

[37:55] Is it?

Stuart Wellington

[37:56] I honestly could not tell.

[37:58] Right before he parkours

[37:59] up the side of the bridge.

[38:00] The guy,

[38:00] he doesn't throw up.

[38:01] Yeah,

[38:01] he throws her off the,

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] off the bridge

[38:02] and then,

[38:02] yeah,

[38:03] Spider-Man's his way

Dan McCoy

[38:04] up the side of the bridge.

[38:04] I don't think he throws her off.

[38:05] I think she hits him

[38:07] with her elbow,

[38:08] but that kicks her off balance

[38:10] and she falls off the bridge.

[38:11] We'll have to return the tape.

[38:12] Let's watch the movie again.

[38:14] He rescues her

[38:15] by swimming

[38:16] and pulling her to the shore

[38:17] and then he also rescues

[38:19] his master

[38:20] by coming in

[38:21] and getting shot,

[38:23] basically.

Elliott Kalan

[38:23] Yeah,

[38:24] so this movie

[38:25] up till these scenes

[38:26] has been very pastoral,

[38:28] let's say,

[38:29] very slow,

[38:30] except for the occasional

[38:31] dog death,

[38:31] very gentle,

[38:33] except even the stuff

[38:34] with the drunk dad

[38:34] is like pretty gentle.

Dan McCoy

[38:36] It's been very labor day

[38:37] so far.

Elliott Kalan

[38:38] I guess so.

[38:39] It's been,

[38:40] except with even less

[38:41] of a sense of like plot

[38:42] or incident,

[38:44] it's just kind of like

[38:44] we're just bopping along

[38:46] to dog stuff.

[38:47] This dog is telling us things

[38:48] that's supposed to be cute

[38:49] but it's kind of gross,

[38:50] you know?

Stuart Wellington

[38:50] I love the scene

[38:50] where he digs up the dead cat

[38:52] and drags the carcass

[38:53] into the house.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] Now that's,

[38:55] again,

[38:55] that's supposed to be

[38:55] like a funny joke.

[38:56] He's like,

[38:56] the cat was missing.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] That was where the movie

[38:59] Lost Me Forever

[39:00] where a cat carcass

[39:02] was pulled out

[39:03] for a joke.

Elliott Kalan

[39:04] Boo-hoo.

[39:05] I've never read

[39:06] Edgar Allan Poe.

[39:07] I can't deal with

[39:08] a dead cat's body.

[39:10] Okay.

[39:11] Boo,

[39:11] recently I lost

[39:12] my beloved cat.

[39:14] Wah-wah.

[39:14] That's pretty Edgar.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] You say wah-wah.

[39:16] I do say that a lot.

[39:18] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] and you can't see it,

[39:19] listeners,

[39:19] but I'm like,

[39:20] I'm like,

[39:21] just twisting my hands

[39:22] next to my face

[39:23] in a way that represents

[39:24] a baby crying.

[39:25] Yeah,

[39:26] you don't want to

Dan McCoy

[39:26] irritate your eyeballs.

[39:27] That's not at all.

[39:28] Very sensitive.

[39:29] When I'm crying,

[39:29] I don't want to mess

[39:30] my contact lenses up,

[39:31] so I just got to

[39:32] just twist my hands

[39:33] near my eyes.

[39:34] I mean,

[39:34] it's close enough.

[39:35] People understand.

[39:35] You got to indicate.

Elliott Kalan

[39:37] So,

[39:38] up to this point,

[39:40] it's been very,

[39:41] for the most part,

[39:42] gentle and boring.

[39:44] This has been

[39:44] mostly a warm bath

[39:45] of a movie.

[39:46] There weren't a lot

[39:46] of gunshots going on.

[39:48] No,

[39:48] then suddenly,

[39:49] yeah,

[39:49] it's the 70s,

[39:50] and I guess America

[39:51] just got gritty,

[39:52] and the dog

[39:53] is involved in crime.

[39:55] Yeah,

[39:55] the dog is involved

[39:57] in crime.

[39:57] I mean,

[39:57] from the point of view

[39:58] of stopping it.

[39:59] Of Chicago.

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:01] City of big shoulders.

[40:02] Like pork butcher

[40:03] to the world.

[40:04] Say something about Chicago,

[40:05] Dan,

[40:05] something nice.

[40:06] The Windy City.

[40:07] That's neither nice

[40:08] nor not nice.

[40:09] Say something complimentary.

Dan McCoy

[40:11] It's got a nice...

[40:13] It should not take you

[40:14] this long

[40:15] to compliment Chicago.

[40:17] The

[40:18] science and industry museum

[40:20] is very nice there.

[40:22] And you live close to there,

[40:24] or you grew up close to there,

[40:25] not live.

[40:25] How far away from Chicago

[40:26] did you grow up?

[40:27] I guess in the Grand City.

[40:27] Three and a half hours.

[40:28] Like,

[40:28] I didn't spend a lot of time

[40:29] in Chicago.

[40:30] Was it too rough for you?

[40:31] No,

[40:32] I only went on school trips

[40:33] pretty much,

[40:34] and we mostly went

[40:35] to the science and industry museum.

Stuart Wellington

[40:37] Yeah,

[40:37] I remember you complaining

[40:38] about Chirac before.

[40:39] We had a great time.

Dan McCoy

[40:41] We had a great time in Chicago

[40:42] with a very,

[40:43] very fun day.

[40:44] That's what I'll say about Chicago.

[40:44] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] I only wish that I could have

[40:46] gone to the Field Museum

[40:47] to visit the Ghost in the Darkness,

[40:48] but alas,

[40:49] I didn't have time.

[40:50] But if you're in Chicago,

[40:52] just go visit.

[40:53] The lions that that movie

[40:54] is based on,

[40:54] they're just stuffed

[40:55] in that museum.

[40:57] What?

[40:57] The real lions?

[40:58] Yeah,

[40:58] the real ones.

[40:59] Wow.

[41:00] Yeah,

[41:00] they look very ratty.

[41:03] Okay.

[41:04] The lions in the movie,

[41:06] Like,

[41:06] ratty?

[41:07] No,

[41:07] no,

[41:07] the lions in the movie,

[41:08] much sexier than the real lions.

[41:10] Okay.

[41:10] But that's Hollywood,

[41:11] you know?

[41:11] They just sex them up all the time.

[41:13] Yeah,

[41:13] yeah,

[41:13] yeah.

[41:13] The same way George Clooney.

[41:15] The lions had the balls on them.

[41:16] Yeah.

[41:17] As my grandmother said

[41:19] when Good Night and Good Luck came out,

[41:21] she was kind of very funny

[41:22] that George Clooney

[41:23] was playing the legendary

[41:25] news producer,

[41:26] Fred Friendly,

[41:27] because she had known Fred Friendly

[41:28] and remembered him

[41:29] as a hideously ugly man.

[41:30] Ha, ha, ha, ha.

[41:32] Now,

[41:32] a very nice man and brilliant,

[41:34] but as she said,

[41:35] you know,

[41:36] not attractive,

[41:37] so.

[41:37] All right.

Dan McCoy

[41:39] But moving on,

[41:40] this dog dies.

[41:41] Anyway,

[41:42] He's reincarnated again.

[41:43] Reincarnated.

Stuart Wellington

[41:44] Backdoor promotion

[41:45] of George Clooney's appearance.

[41:46] Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Elliott Kalan

[41:48] Reincarnated almost instantly

[41:49] in a way that seems

[41:50] kind of like torture to the dog,

[41:52] where he's like,

[41:53] can't I rest?

Stuart Wellington

[41:54] He's basically the nameless one

[41:55] from the Planescape

[41:56] performance video game.

[41:58] Ha, ha, ha.

[41:58] His soul can never find peace.

[42:01] I feel at some point

[42:02] this dog is going to encounter

[42:03] like a devilish death trap

[42:05] created by a previous

[42:06] one of his incarnations,

[42:07] and he's going to have

[42:08] to navigate it.

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] Yeah, he's like,

[42:10] is it AgriJag?

[42:11] Is that the name of the character

[42:12] from Hitchhiker's Guide

[42:13] who lives only to be murdered

[42:16] by Arthur Dent accidentally

[42:17] over and over again?

[42:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:19] I feel like,

[42:20] spoiler alert,

[42:22] he comes,

[42:23] one of his later incarnations

[42:24] encounters,

[42:25] you know,

[42:26] the family that owned

[42:29] one of his previous lives,

Dan McCoy

[42:31] and I kept expecting him

[42:32] to like,

[42:33] find the grave.

Stuart Wellington

[42:35] Dig up his own body

[42:36] and just stare at it?

[42:38] He would touch the bones

[42:39] and then they'd

[42:40] time cop.

[42:41] Like,

[42:41] in time cop.

Elliott Kalan

[42:43] Yeah,

[42:43] you and me

[42:44] are on the same page.

[42:46] Now,

[42:47] now he's reincarnated

[42:48] as a dog

[42:49] who is owned

[42:49] by a college student

[42:50] and she is very lonely

[42:52] and she gets married

[42:53] and has kids

[42:54] and they have a dog,

[42:56] they have a dog also.

[42:57] It's very boring.

[42:57] It's very boring at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] Which I think

[43:00] makes up for the boringness.

[43:01] It may be.

[43:02] The dog dies of old age.

Elliott Kalan

[43:04] I mean,

[43:04] it's just a very...

Dan McCoy

[43:05] And probably pizza consumption.

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] Yeah,

[43:07] she's constantly feeding him

[43:08] human food,

[43:08] which is not good for a dog.

[43:10] And it's not good for the owner

[43:11] if you get my drift.

[43:12] If you don't like to clean up

[43:13] wet, loose stool,

[43:15] don't feed your dog

[43:16] human food.

[43:16] I do like to clean up

[43:17] wet, loose stool.

[43:18] Oh,

[43:18] then feed your dog

[43:19] pizza and ice cream

[43:20] and all that stuff.

[43:21] Yeah.

[43:22] That happens in the 80s,

[43:24] which is very subtly signified

[43:26] by as soon as he emerges

[43:28] into the world,

[43:28] you hear,

[43:29] da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[43:34] Like the songs of the angels.

[43:37] Sorry,

[43:38] I don't sound enough

[43:38] like a synthesizer.

[43:41] Yeah.

[43:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:43] So I like this Corgi version of him

[43:46] because Corgis are adorable.

[43:47] Oh, yeah.

[43:48] Okay,

[43:48] let's get this on.

[43:49] From the highest queen

[43:50] to the lowest peasant.

[43:51] Everyone loves a Corgi.

[43:51] I gotta get this off my chest, guys.

[43:55] I think dogs are adorable.

[43:56] Yeah?

[43:57] I know.

[43:58] You're gonna out of there

[43:59] on the fucking limb?

[44:00] I'm gonna get some

[44:01] angry tweets directed at me

[44:03] that I think dogs are cute,

[44:04] but you know what?

[44:04] I think they're all pretty adorable.

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] Stuart wasn't enough

[44:07] of an internet hunk darling.

[44:09] He had to go ahead and say,

[44:10] what are you gonna tell him

[44:11] you like Firefly next?

Stuart Wellington

[44:12] I gotta stand up

[44:12] for what I believe in, guys.

[44:15] And I believe that dogs are adorable.

[44:17] The thing is...

[44:18] Hey, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[44:19] You know what?

[44:20] I don't want to...

[44:20] I don't want the internet

[44:21] to hate me,

[44:22] but you know what's delicious?

[44:24] Tacos.

[44:26] Whoa.

[44:28] What were you gonna say, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[44:30] Just the dogs...

Elliott Kalan

[44:31] Oh, so anyway,

Dan McCoy

[44:32] I'm gonna stand up

[44:33] and say that

[44:34] all people should be treated

[44:36] with respect

[44:37] and dignity.

[44:38] Boo.

Stuart Wellington

[44:39] Get out of here, Dan.

[44:40] You're gross.

[44:44] So these...

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] So this life is like filler life.

[44:46] They're just...

[44:47] They're treading water

[44:48] until the next life,

[44:49] which is when things get sad.

Stuart Wellington

[44:51] I think he encounters

[44:51] an important thing.

[44:52] Like, he encountered

[44:53] a thing earlier

[44:53] when he was the cop dog

[44:55] about the idea of like

[44:56] how...

[44:58] Loneliness is bad.

[44:59] Someone else in their life.

[45:01] Loneliness is bad.

[45:01] He literally says

Elliott Kalan

[45:02] loneliness is the worst thing

[45:03] that can happen.

[45:04] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] And Elliot and I

[45:06] held hands during that scene.

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:08] And then in the next life,

[45:10] he got to see two people

[45:13] find a relationship.

[45:15] Granted, he saw it

[45:16] through his own relationship

[45:17] because he was in love

[45:18] with a much larger dog,

[45:20] Roxy.

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] And their lovemaking

[45:22] has to be imagined,

[45:23] but I'm sure it's hilarious.

[45:24] He has to get up

[45:24] on like a little doggy steps.

Stuart Wellington

[45:26] I mean, hilarious,

[45:27] super sexy.

[45:28] It depends on what you're into.

[45:29] Oh, sure, sure.

[45:30] It's also not...

[45:32] It's not clear

[45:33] whether or not this dog,

[45:35] the dog that he's in love with,

[45:37] also is like

[45:38] a body-jumping

[45:39] semi-sentient creature.

[45:41] We have to assume so.

[45:42] And the question is,

[45:43] is like,

[45:43] why did he seem

[45:44] to gain sentience

[45:46] when he did?

[45:47] Is he like a Forrest Gump,

[45:48] like malevolent sprite

[45:50] that travels through

[45:51] the 20th century?

[45:51] Wait, is that what

[45:52] Forrest Gump is?

[45:53] Yes, it's the subtext,

Elliott Kalan

[45:55] but you got it.

[45:56] Notice how he's the thread

[45:58] that runs through

[45:58] the 20th century,

[45:59] and you know what else

[45:59] runs through the 20th century?

[46:00] Evil.

[46:01] Okay.

[46:02] Forrest Gump leaves

[46:03] destruction in his wake.

[46:04] Jenny gets AIDS.

[46:05] Lieutenant Dan

[46:06] loses his legs.

[46:07] Bubba dies.

[46:08] Yep.

[46:09] Everything Forrest Gump

[46:10] touches, he destroys.

[46:11] Except for the Apple Corporation.

[46:13] Forrest Gump is super rich,

Stuart Wellington

[46:13] and that ping-pong paddle

[46:14] he touches,

[46:15] I guess,

[46:15] sees the world?

Elliott Kalan

[46:17] Well, and that feather, too.

[46:19] And, of course,

[46:20] it gets across

[46:20] the lesson

[46:21] that we all should have learned,

[46:22] which is that

[46:23] hippies

[46:24] and Vietnam War protesters

[46:25] and, I guess,

[46:27] Black Panthers

[46:28] were nothing but

[46:29] selfish miscreants,

[46:30] and really,

[46:31] it's the quiet Americans

[46:32] who just put their heads down

[46:34] and did what the government

[46:35] told them

[46:36] and then invested

[46:37] in corporations.

[46:38] Those are the real heroes,

[46:39] you know?

[46:39] Yeah.

[46:39] I mean,

[46:40] intelligence is the enemy.

Stuart Wellington

[46:41] Wouldn't Forrest Gump

[46:42] have been really fucking famous?

[46:44] Why wouldn't people

[46:45] sitting on that park bench

[46:46] recognize him?

[46:46] He gets famous.

[46:47] He's running coast to coast,

[46:48] but he has a beard then.

Elliott Kalan

[46:50] I mean,

[46:50] but Tom Hanks

[46:51] is like a super recognizable dude.

[46:54] Well, of course,

[46:54] if it was Tom Hanks,

[46:55] yes,

[46:55] people were asking me

[46:56] that he was famous,

[46:57] they'd be like,

[46:58] aren't you David Pumpkins?

Dan McCoy

[47:00] Weren't you Turner?

Elliott Kalan

[47:02] Hey,

[47:03] hey,

[47:03] honey,

[47:04] it's the man

[47:04] with one red shoe

[47:05] over here.

[47:06] I can't wait.

[47:07] It's mazes and monsters

[47:08] over here.

[47:09] I can't wait

Stuart Wellington

[47:10] for somebody to find

[47:11] a,

[47:11] it's on Amazon right now,

[47:13] Amazon Prime,

[47:14] you can watch

[47:14] mazes and monsters

[47:15] whenever you want.

[47:15] I guess someone's

[47:17] bonfiring a vanity

[47:18] over here.

[47:19] I can only imagine

[47:21] sometime in the distant future

[47:22] where somebody cracks open

[47:24] a cryo vault

[47:25] and finds an old iPod

[47:28] with this episode

[47:29] of the podcast

[47:29] and they queue it up

[47:30] and they hear the name

[47:31] David S. Pumpkins

[47:32] and they go,

[47:33] oh yes,

[47:34] the most important

[47:35] contribution

[47:36] to the world of comedy.

[47:38] They say,

[47:38] how dare they blaspheme

Elliott Kalan

[47:39] our God?

[47:40] This is an evil robot,

[47:42] evil spirit in this box.

[47:44] And then they'll put it

[47:45] in front of an altar

[47:46] of Tom Hanks

[47:46] wearing that pumpkin suit

[47:47] and they'll just burn it.

[47:49] It's like,

[47:49] this pleases you,

[47:50] pumpkins,

[47:51] pleases you.

[47:51] Yes,

[47:52] good harvest this year.

[47:53] Not enough child blood

[47:55] for you,

[47:55] more for you pumpkins.

[47:57] Good harvest,

[47:58] good.

[47:58] It's called

[47:58] A Canticle

Dan McCoy

[47:59] for David S. Pumpkins

[48:00] a little bit.

[48:02] It's a good book.

[48:03] Very good book.

[48:05] Anyway.

[48:06] So we're reaching

[48:06] the finish line here.

[48:08] Well, let's just,

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] and we're at the most,

[48:09] well,

[48:10] the dog briefly

[48:11] has a very sad life

[48:12] living with a bunch of,

[48:13] let's just call them

[48:14] white trash

[48:15] who mistreat him.

[48:16] He is let loose

[48:17] and then,

[48:19] when he's on his own,

[48:20] he discovers,

[48:21] hey,

[48:22] he discovers

[48:23] his old owner,

[48:24] Ethan,

[48:25] and Ethan's old girlfriend

[48:27] and manages to bring

[48:28] them back together.

[48:29] And at the very end,

[48:30] he proves that it's him

[48:32] to Ethan

[48:32] by performing

[48:33] that football trick.

[48:34] And when Ethan goes,

[48:35] are you the dog,

[48:37] the boss dog,

[48:37] which is something

[48:38] that he used to call

[48:38] Bailey as a child,

[48:39] he barks.

[48:40] He goes,

[48:40] Bailey?

[48:41] And the dog barks.

[48:42] And as Dan pointed out,

[48:43] we were watching it,

[48:44] only Bailey would bark

[48:45] when something said to him.

[48:47] No other dog

[48:48] would ever bark at a thing.

Stuart Wellington

[48:49] Yeah,

[48:50] that's far harder to believe

[48:52] than the idea

[48:53] that this dog

[48:54] is soul-hopping

[48:55] through time.

Elliott Kalan

[48:56] Dennis,

[48:56] in this moment,

[48:57] and this is Dennis Quaid,

[48:58] I'm sorry,

[48:58] who's,

[48:58] the older Ethan

[48:59] is Dennis Quaid.

[49:00] And at this moment,

[49:01] we are expected to believe

[49:02] that Dennis Quaid,

[49:03] who was presented to us before

[49:04] as a sane,

[49:05] rational human being

[49:06] who was good enough

[49:07] to maybe play football

[49:08] for Michigan State,

[49:09] is now,

[49:11] within a moment,

[49:12] instantly buys into the idea

[49:15] of either dog reincarnation

[49:16] or that Bailey

[49:17] faked his death,

[49:19] went to Rio,

[49:20] got plastic surgery

[49:21] to look like a younger dog,

[49:23] and has decided

[49:24] to return anyway.

[49:26] The movie leaves it up

[49:27] to the viewer

Stuart Wellington

[49:28] to decide which of these

[49:29] Dennis Quaid believes.

[49:30] I am shocked

[49:31] that he doesn't collapse

[49:32] on the ground

[49:33] with a nosebleed

[49:34] comprehending

Dan McCoy

[49:35] the enormity scale

[49:37] of what lies ahead of him.

Elliott Kalan

[49:39] That a secret

[49:39] of the universe

[49:40] has just been revealed to him.

[49:42] And the whole time,

[49:42] the dog's like,

[49:43] what's my purpose?

[49:44] What's my purpose?

[49:45] What's my purpose?

[49:46] In the end,

[49:46] he decides what his purpose is,

[49:47] what, companionship?

Stuart Wellington

[49:48] It's like jumping

[49:49] and catching fucking football.

[49:50] It's to be here now,

Dan McCoy

[49:52] is what he says.

Elliott Kalan

[49:53] That's what he said?

[49:53] Yeah, it is.

[49:54] It's to live in the moment,

[49:55] is what is the purpose.

Dan McCoy

[49:56] That's fucking crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[49:58] Because, you know,

[49:59] this dog,

[50:00] it's the same lesson

[50:01] that you get

[50:02] from every movie

[50:02] where a businessman

[50:04] who's too busy

[50:04] for his family

[50:05] goes into an altered timeline

[50:07] or becomes a kid

[50:08] or goes to Never Never Land

[50:09] like, hey,

[50:10] you know what?

[50:11] I should just be here

[50:12] in the moment

[50:13] with my family.

[50:14] So I'm glad

[50:14] that this dog

[50:15] had to die four times

[50:16] to learn this.

[50:18] Yeah.

[50:19] This dog,

[50:19] he died to teach us a lesson.

[50:21] He died for our sins

[50:22] and was resurrected.

[50:23] So they should have called

[50:24] this movie Christ Dog.

[50:25] So now that he's done this,

[50:26] does he get to fucking leap home?

[50:28] Yeah.

[50:29] He lives with Ethan.

[50:30] That's his home.

Stuart Wellington

[50:31] How great would it have been

[50:32] if fucking Sam

[50:34] was showing up

[50:34] the whole time

[50:35] in those...

[50:36] Ziggy.

[50:36] No, it's Al.

[50:38] Sam is the main guy.

Dan McCoy

[50:40] Oh, Al.

[50:41] Sam is...

[50:41] Stuart left.

[50:41] He's so mad himself

[50:42] for not remembering

[50:44] Quantum Leap correctly.

[50:45] Character names.

[50:46] Al.

[50:47] Dean Stockwell

[50:48] is you're talking about.

[50:49] If Al showed up,

[50:50] that would be great.

[50:51] Ziggy says

[50:52] there's a 32% chance

[50:53] that you have to,

[50:55] protect the family

[50:57] from a fire or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[50:59] Yeah, something like that.

[51:00] And then he just takes

[51:02] a microphone

[51:02] and sings

[51:03] Candy Colored Sandman.

[51:05] I think you may be

[51:06] confusing different

[51:07] Dean Stockwell.

Stuart Wellington

[51:08] And then he's the boy

[51:09] with green hair, right?

[51:10] Are you sure it's

[51:10] not Harry Dean Stanton?

Elliott Kalan

[51:12] No, they're very different people

[51:13] and they're both

[51:14] in Paris, Texas

[51:15] until the moment

[51:16] where they shake hands

[51:17] and they merge together

[51:17] like in Time Cop.

Dan McCoy

[51:18] All right.

[51:19] So we've been going

[51:20] very long.

[51:21] It's time to do

[51:22] final judgments.

[51:23] Whether this is...

Elliott Kalan

[51:24] This is Tramadam

[51:24] in the edit room, right?

[51:25] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:26] We gotta do whether this is...

[51:27] With our editor Ziggy?

[51:28] A good bad movie.

[51:30] A bad bad movie.

[51:31] A movie kind of like

[51:32] Ziggy Sabatka?

[51:34] Another famous

[51:35] pop culture Ziggy.

[51:37] I'm gonna go...

[51:38] I'm gonna say

[51:38] this is a bad bad movie.

[51:40] But the reason

[51:40] may surprise you

[51:42] and that's because

[51:43] this movie kind of

[51:44] worked on me

[51:45] and that made me angry.

[51:47] Like the movie was...

[51:48] Oh, you fell victim

[51:48] to its manipulations.

[51:49] The movie was

[51:49] manipulating my feelings

[51:51] and it was so obvious

[51:52] in the way it was

[51:52] manipulating my feelings

[51:53] that it was not

[51:54] a good movie.

[51:56] But the fact that

[51:57] it made me feel emotions

[51:58] made me feel angry.

[51:59] The movie knows the tricks.

[51:59] It's like,

[52:00] happy dog.

Elliott Kalan

[52:01] Dog, happy dog.

[52:03] Dead dog.

[52:04] Yeah.

[52:04] Happy dog.

[52:05] Do you see dog?

[52:06] Happy dog.

[52:07] You happy now.

[52:08] Dead dog.

[52:09] You sad now.

Dan McCoy

[52:10] Well, yeah.

[52:10] I mean,

[52:10] as you mentioned before...

[52:12] That's a caveman

[52:12] directing the movie.

[52:13] I did have to, like,

[52:14] put my cat down,

[52:15] like, not overly long ago.

[52:18] Recent enough, yeah.

[52:19] And to remember

[52:20] what it is like...

Elliott Kalan

[52:22] Just Lulu, not Archie.

[52:23] No, Archie is still alive

[52:24] and kicking.

[52:25] Scratching my crotch

[52:26] every chance he gets.

Dan McCoy

[52:27] And they have a literal scene

[52:28] where, you know,

[52:28] they take the dog

[52:29] to the vet

[52:30] to put her to sleep.

[52:31] And I'm just like,

[52:32] why do you have to

[52:33] fucking do this to me, movie?

[52:34] I know you're not

[52:35] a good movie,

[52:35] but you're making me cry

[52:36] just because you're

[52:38] touching something

[52:39] in my real life

[52:40] that hurt me.

[52:40] So I guess what you're saying is...

[52:41] I could do that

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] with a ball python once

[52:43] and it made me really sad.

[52:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[52:45] I guess what you're saying, Dan,

[52:46] is if you could talk

[52:47] this movie,

[52:47] you'd say,

[52:48] bad movie.

[52:49] Bad movie.

[52:50] Bad dog's purpose.

[52:51] I would hit it

[52:51] with a rolled up newspaper.

[52:53] And you'd shove

[52:53] the movie's nose

[52:55] into itself.

[52:57] So it could smell itself.

[52:58] Mm-hmm.

[52:58] Yep.

[53:00] I'm gonna go with Dan.

[53:01] I think, you know what?

[53:02] It's...

[53:03] I didn't like it.

[53:04] Except for the dog

[53:05] dying four times.

[53:07] It's relative...

[53:08] And being mistreated

[53:09] throughout.

[53:09] It's a...

[53:10] It's like...

[53:11] The movie is kind of like

[53:12] barely there.

[53:13] It's a bad, bad movie,

[53:14] but for me it was less

[53:15] because it worked

[53:16] and more because

[53:16] it failed to work for me

[53:18] on such a simple level.

[53:20] The movie was so basic

[53:22] and so...

[53:23] Just a wisp of a thing.

[53:25] There was very little

[53:25] going on in it

[53:26] that I was like...

[53:28] We've watched this movie

[53:29] for like an hour

[53:29] and like,

[53:30] it's barely a movie.

[53:31] And so I would say...

[53:33] I mean,

[53:34] to a certain point,

[53:35] I guess they were trying

[53:35] to go for like

[53:36] an Ahasard-Baltazar

[53:38] type thing

[53:39] which...

[53:39] But it didn't work.

[53:41] Probably, yeah.

[53:42] You know...

[53:42] However that's pronounced.

Stuart Wellington

[53:43] You know,

[53:44] there's...

[53:45] There's some stuff

[53:45] in this movie

[53:46] that I think...

[53:47] There's some stuff

[53:48] that I like.

[53:48] Obviously,

[53:49] I like seeing

[53:49] pupos running around

[53:51] being doges.

[53:52] You love mispronouncing words.

[53:55] And there's some shots

[53:56] that I think are beautiful.

[53:57] There's some really

[53:58] beautiful shots

[53:59] of like a farm

[54:00] and like foggy mornings

[54:02] and a sweet pupo.

Elliott Kalan

[54:03] It's not a bad looking movie.

[54:04] It's a very nicely shot movie.

Stuart Wellington

[54:06] On the other hand,

[54:07] like I get so uncomfortable now

[54:09] of shots and stories

[54:11] that like reek of like

[54:14] shitty Americana nostalgia.

[54:17] And it just...

[54:18] It just doesn't work for me.

[54:20] Like I can't do it anymore.

[54:23] And this movie

[54:23] wasn't particularly good.

[54:25] And the idea of a dog

[54:26] that is jumping bodies

[54:27] over and over and over

[54:28] is fucking insane and creepy.

[54:30] Yeah, I agree.

[54:38] How do you say cheese in Spanish?

[54:41] What show should I have on my DVR?

Dan McCoy

[54:43] What are the best songs of the year?

[54:45] Is VR cool?

S4

[54:47] What's your jam?

[54:48] Which one of you

[54:49] is the Renata of the panel?

Dan McCoy

[54:52] For answers to these questions

[54:53] and so much more,

[54:54] come on over to PopRocket,

[54:56] a pop culture roundtable discussion

[54:57] that always has a fun,

[54:58] diverse panel

[54:59] talking about the stuff we love.

[55:01] Catch us every Wednesday

[55:02] on MaximumFun.org

[55:04] or wherever you decide

[55:05] to get your podcasts.

[55:06] I'm not gonna judge.

S4

[55:11] So moving on,

Dan McCoy

[55:34] we have a couple of sponsors

[55:36] to talk about it.

[55:37] We have a couple of sponsors

[55:37] to talk about tonight.

[55:38] They help fund the Flophouse.

[55:42] Number one is...

[55:43] Welcome to the Fund House.

[55:46] Just trying it out.

[55:48] This is a real super fund site.

[55:50] The Flophouse.

[55:52] Because we're not far

[55:52] from the Gowanus area.

[55:53] Yeah.

[55:55] Hey, are you hiring?

[55:57] You know where to post your job

[55:58] to find the best candidate.

[55:58] Dan, are you leaving your job?

[56:01] ZipRecruiter.

[56:02] You can post your job

[56:03] to 100 plus job sites

[56:04] with just one click.

Elliott Kalan

[56:05] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[56:06] So ZipRecruiter

[56:07] allows me to post job listings

[56:09] to over 100 sites

[56:11] and social networks

[56:11] like Facebook.

[56:13] So if you're looking for a little

Elliott Kalan

[56:13] like Dan

[56:13] who's leaving his job,

[56:15] you heard it here first.

[56:16] Dan is leaving his job.

[56:18] Nope.

[56:18] And what's that?

[56:19] Transitioning.

[56:20] Yeah.

[56:20] Hey, more power to you, Dan.

[56:22] I'm proud of you.

[56:22] Transitioning for a new career.

[56:23] I'm proud of you.

[56:24] You can just put

[56:25] a listing up on ZipRecruiter

[56:27] for, I don't know,

[56:28] like,

[56:28] what's it called?

[56:30] The guys that people hire

[56:32] to crawl around like dogs

[56:33] with dog collars on

[56:34] and be like their slaves

[56:35] for sexual reasons?

[56:36] Wait, what?

[56:37] That's the kind of job Dan wants.

[56:39] So just put up a listing

[56:40] for that on ZipRecruiter

[56:41] and you can hire Dan.

[56:41] Don't kink shame.

[56:42] That's a job?

[56:44] I have to assume.

[56:44] I mean,

[56:46] no job feels like work

[56:47] when you love it.

[56:49] When you love your work,

[56:50] it doesn't feel like a job.

Dan McCoy

[56:52] Don't know why

[56:53] we have to be taking down

[56:54] innocent kinksters.

[56:57] No, we're not.

Stuart Wellington

[56:57] I'm just impressed

[56:58] that that's a thing

[56:59] you can do for a living.

[57:00] Like, if that's something

[57:01] you just like to do,

[57:01] that's awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[57:02] Yeah, yeah, but I mean,

[57:03] look, there's no reason

[57:04] you shouldn't do it

[57:04] for a job.

[57:05] I guess that makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[57:06] I'm sure there's a union for it.

[57:09] Listen.

[57:11] Doesn't depend on candidates

[57:12] finding you.

[57:13] It finds them.

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] You're putting the word out

[57:16] and ZipRecruiter

[57:17] is getting that word

[57:18] to the people

[57:19] so they can apply.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] Over 80% of jobs

[57:22] posted on

[57:22] ZipRecruiter

[57:22] get a qualified candidate

[57:24] in just 24 hours.

[57:26] So find out today

[57:27] why ZipRecruiter

[57:28] has been used

[57:28] by businesses

[57:29] of all sizes

[57:30] to find the most

[57:31] qualified job candidates

[57:32] with immediate results.

[57:34] And right now,

[57:35] our listeners

[57:35] can post jobs

[57:37] on ZipRecruiter

[57:37] for free.

[57:38] That's right, free.

[57:39] Just go to

[57:40] ZipRecruiter.com

[57:41] slash first.

[57:42] That's

[57:44] One more time

[57:44] to try it for free,

[57:45] go to

Stuart Wellington

[57:48] I can only assume

[57:49] some of our listeners

[57:50] are business owners.

[57:51] Yeah, sure.

[57:52] Small businesses.

[57:53] Big businesses.

[57:55] The biggest.

[57:55] The members of the band

[57:56] Big Business

[57:57] who are looking for

Dan McCoy

[57:58] guitar players

[57:59] in a movie.

[57:59] Big Business

[58:00] with Ben Bidler

[58:01] and Lily Tomlin.

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] Mm-hmm.

[58:03] And they played

Dan McCoy

[58:05] twins or something.

[58:06] They played two sets

[58:06] of twins.

[58:08] Awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[58:08] They should have

[58:09] called that movie

[58:09] Two Sets of Twins,

[58:11] the movie.

[58:12] Mm-hmm.

[58:12] Twin twins.

[58:14] Mm-hmm.

[58:15] So ZipRecruiter,

[58:16] try it today.

[58:17] If you're a company,

[58:18] you're a person,

[58:18] you're hiring somebody,

Dan McCoy

[58:20] The Flop House

[58:21] is also supported

[58:21] in part by Casper,

[58:23] an online retailer

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[58:25] for a fraction

[58:26] of the price.

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[58:48] Made in the America.

[58:49] I almost said.

[58:50] Starring Ted Danson.

[58:51] Mm-hmm.

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[58:54] Flop House listeners

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[59:01] slash Flop House

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Elliott Kalan

[59:07] Casper.com

[59:07] slash Flop House

[59:08] promo code Flop House.

[59:09] You get to sleep like a Dan.

[59:10] Terms and conditions apply.

[59:12] Yeah, sleep like a Dan.

[59:13] Casper.

[59:15] Dan, you're a Casper user.

[59:16] Uh-huh.

[59:16] I want to hear about

[59:17] their sink

[59:18] and their bounce

[59:19] as you said it.

[59:19] Mm-hmm.

[59:21] Well, the sink.

[59:22] Start with the sink.

[59:23] Yeah.

[59:23] When you and Archie

Stuart Wellington

[59:24] have pillow fights

[59:25] on the bed,

[59:26] how's that bed hold up?

Dan McCoy

[59:29] Uh, it's good.

[59:31] Archie gets a little rough

[59:32] with the pillow fights.

[59:33] Mm-hmm.

[59:33] Sometimes you have to be like,

[59:34] Archie, Archie,

[59:35] this is for fun.

[59:36] Mm-hmm.

[59:36] This is for fun, Archie.

[59:37] When you and Archie

[59:38] are hurting me.

[59:39] Stop it, Archie.

[59:40] Stop it.

[59:41] Okay, now what about

Elliott Kalan

[59:42] the bounce?

[59:43] The bounce,

[59:45] my friends,

Dan McCoy

[59:46] is where the Casper mattress

[59:48] really sings.

[59:49] Mm-hmm.

[59:49] Oh, the bounce.

[59:51] Boy, howdy.

[59:53] You go down,

[59:53] you go up.

[59:54] You go down,

[59:55] you go up.

[59:56] It's a classic bounce situation.

[59:58] They made a movie about it

[1:00:00] starring Ben Affleck

[1:00:00] and Gwyneth Paltrow.

[1:00:01] They called it

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:01] just to loosen my collar

[1:00:03] here a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:05] Getting a little,

[1:00:05] yeah, steamy.

[1:00:06] They made a movie

[1:00:07] with Owen Wilson

[1:00:08] that no one watched.

[1:00:09] It's called The Big Bounce

[1:00:09] and it was all about

[1:00:10] Casper mattresses.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:11] When you and Archie

[1:00:12] are playing sandworm

[1:00:13] on the bed,

[1:00:14] that's where you wrap

[1:00:15] yourself up in the blanket

[1:00:16] and then you roll around

[1:00:17] like you're a giant sandworm.

[1:00:19] That's right.

[1:00:21] How's the Casper mattress?

[1:00:22] Hold up,

[1:00:23] does it feel like

[1:00:23] you're rolling around

[1:00:24] in the sands of Arrakis?

[1:00:25] Yeah, the dune planet.

[1:00:28] Why would I want to

[1:00:29] roll around

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:29] on a bunch of sand?

[1:00:30] Because you're a maker

[1:00:31] and you're making spice.

[1:00:32] Because it's awesome, dude.

[1:00:34] Fair enough.

[1:00:35] Because the Fremen

[1:00:35] depend on you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:37] That's part of the game

[1:00:37] is you get to be

[1:00:38] something bigger

[1:00:39] than what you are

[1:00:39] in your real life.

[1:00:40] Yeah, exactly.

[1:00:40] When you read it,

Dan McCoy

[1:00:41] did you read that

[1:00:42] as Fremen?

[1:00:43] Or Fremen.

[1:00:44] I read it as Freeman.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:45] I know that it was

[1:00:47] supposed to be like Freeman,

[1:00:48] but then I started thinking

[1:00:49] they all looked like

[1:00:50] Morgan Freeman.

[1:00:50] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:51] You were like,

[1:00:52] I am not a Fremen.

[1:00:53] I am a free man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:55] Yeah, just like

[1:00:55] Patrick Mfremen.

[1:00:59] Now, Dan.

[1:01:00] Yeah.

[1:01:01] A lot of questions

[1:01:02] being thrown around tonight.

[1:01:03] No, your mention

[1:01:04] of pillow fights

[1:01:04] made me think of

[1:01:05] a cute story about my son.

[1:01:06] Okay.

[1:01:07] Now, my son likes

[1:01:08] to stand on my mattress,

[1:01:09] which, alas,

[1:01:09] is not a Casper,

[1:01:11] and have a pillow fight,

[1:01:13] which means he just

[1:01:14] hits me in the face

[1:01:14] with a pillow.

[1:01:15] I started doing a bit

[1:01:16] where I take a pillow

[1:01:17] and then fluff it

[1:01:18] and then say,

[1:01:19] okay, miss,

[1:01:20] I've fluffed you.

[1:01:21] You're not going to

[1:01:21] hit me now, right?

[1:01:22] And the pillow nods

[1:01:23] and then it hits me anyway.

[1:01:25] He thinks this is hilarious

[1:01:25] and he started repeating

[1:01:26] this bit back to me,

[1:01:28] but very elaborately,

[1:01:29] where he's like,

[1:01:30] I'm going to fluff

[1:01:30] the pillow now.

[1:01:31] Okay, Mr. Pillow,

[1:01:32] you're not going to

[1:01:33] hit me now.

[1:01:34] Oh, I won't hit you, Sammy.

[1:01:35] Okay.

[1:01:36] And then his stunt work

[1:01:37] is not so great,

[1:01:38] but he mimes

[1:01:39] getting hit by the pillow

[1:01:39] and he's like,

[1:01:41] hey, you hit me.

[1:01:42] And I'm very proud of him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:44] Does he do a thing

[1:01:44] where he hits himself

[1:01:45] and then super delayed

[1:01:47] jumps up and falls

[1:01:49] on the floor,

[1:01:49] on the bed?

[1:01:52] No.

[1:01:52] Because I find that

[1:01:53] that was what I would do

[1:01:54] when I was hitting myself

[1:01:55] with a pillow.

[1:01:57] The more the delay is,

[1:01:59] the funnier it is

[1:02:00] that it would make no sense

[1:02:01] that it would take this long

[1:02:02] for that pillow strike

[1:02:03] to lay me low.

[1:02:04] That's a good joke.

[1:02:05] That's a good joke.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:05] He's not quite there yet,

[1:02:07] but he's throwing my jokes

[1:02:08] back at me very well.

[1:02:11] There's another bit we do

[1:02:12] where he makes soup

[1:02:14] for me in the bath

[1:02:15] by just scooping water

[1:02:16] into a cup.

[1:02:17] And then I pretend that,

[1:02:18] oh, I can't wait

[1:02:19] to taste this soup.

[1:02:20] And just as I'm about

[1:02:21] to break it to my lips,

[1:02:22] I go, achoo,

[1:02:23] and I'm sneezing

[1:02:24] and I hurl the water

[1:02:26] back into the tub,

[1:02:27] spilling it.

[1:02:27] He thinks that's hilarious.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:30] Yeah.

[1:02:30] Have you actually done that

[1:02:31] at a restaurant yet?

[1:02:33] No.

[1:02:33] He's going to think

[1:02:34] it's less hilarious.

[1:02:34] when scalding soup

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:36] comes flying through the air.

[1:02:37] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:38] And he's like,

[1:02:38] why am I taking a bath

[1:02:39] in the restaurant, Daddy?

[1:02:42] That's crazy.

[1:02:43] We all float

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:43] in this restaurant, Dad.

[1:02:45] Whoa!

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:47] Yeah, do you ever,

[1:02:48] does your son ever say things

[1:02:50] that are totally terrifying?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:52] Occasionally?

[1:02:53] Well, my son is in this piece.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:55] Does he look over your shoulder

[1:02:56] and say,

[1:02:57] there's my secret friend?

[1:02:58] And you're like,

[1:02:58] what is happening?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:00] Dad, all I wanted to say was,

[1:03:01] ring around the rosy.

[1:03:04] No, what he does is,

[1:03:05] he's both very articulate

[1:03:07] for a three-year-old,

[1:03:08] and then also very prone

[1:03:09] to speaking in tongues.

[1:03:11] So he'll just be like,

[1:03:12] gooskala,

[1:03:13] lamgang,

[1:03:13] langlaskin,

[1:03:14] laskin,

[1:03:15] laskin,

[1:03:15] daddy.

[1:03:16] And I'm like,

[1:03:17] what demon are you conjuring?

[1:03:19] Now,

Dan McCoy

[1:03:20] when I was a young child,

[1:03:23] I've been told by my brother,

[1:03:25] John,

[1:03:25] who's 10 years older than me,

[1:03:26] that he came across me once

[1:03:28] in my room,

[1:03:29] rocking back and forth

[1:03:30] and saying,

[1:03:31] evil spirits come today,

[1:03:33] evil spirits come to stay.

[1:03:36] And this has disturbed me

[1:03:39] for many years.

[1:03:41] It explains a lot,

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:42] to be honest with you.

[1:03:42] Yeah,

[1:03:42] but your life is falling into place

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:44] in a way that I didn't expect.

[1:03:46] Oh, man.

[1:03:47] It was like,

[1:03:48] I'm Chaz Palminteri

[1:03:49] at the end of the usual self-sac.

[1:03:52] Oh, no,

[1:03:52] you just dropped your favorite mug.

[1:03:53] Oh, no.

[1:03:54] It says,

[1:03:55] made by Ann McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:00] Yeah.

[1:04:01] So what comes next on the show, Dan?

[1:04:02] Next comes.

[1:04:03] Or should I tell you more stories

[1:04:04] about my amazing son?

[1:04:05] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:05] I'm going to tell you a story

[1:04:06] about a j-j-jumbotron.

[1:04:08] Jumbotron.

[1:04:09] It's jumbotron time.

[1:04:10] It's jumbotron time, guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:12] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

[1:04:14] This message is from

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:15] the secret coven

[1:04:17] of the Sisters of the Flop.

[1:04:19] The message is for,

[1:04:21] this says,

[1:04:22] uh,

[1:04:22] Hanley voice.

[1:04:23] Let me see if I can do this.

[1:04:25] The ladies know who this message is for.

[1:04:28] How was that?

[1:04:29] Uh,

Dan McCoy

[1:04:29] it sounded like you

[1:04:30] with a little more sass.

[1:04:31] Okay.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:32] Perfect.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:33] Ladies,

[1:04:34] let's talk about your

[1:04:35] pelvic floor.

[1:04:37] We all know we should Kegel,

[1:04:39] but who can remember

[1:04:40] to do them on the regular?

[1:04:42] This is your reminder,

[1:04:44] my lovelies.

[1:04:45] Squeeze.

[1:04:47] And hold.

[1:04:48] And release.

[1:04:50] If you remember nothing else,

[1:04:51] try to remember to Kegel

[1:04:52] every time you hear Dan sigh.

[1:04:55] Soon,

[1:04:56] we will have the strength

[1:04:57] to defeat the patriarchy

[1:04:59] and rule the world.

[1:05:02] I feel disingenuous reading that.

[1:05:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:06] A,

[1:05:07] is that a,

[1:05:08] uh,

[1:05:10] important reminder

[1:05:11] or a chilling augur

[1:05:12] of things to come?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:13] Yeah.

[1:05:14] Hey,

[1:05:14] I,

[1:05:14] I bring it on.

[1:05:15] You either just

[1:05:16] foretold the handmaid's tale

[1:05:18] or stop the handmaid's tale

[1:05:20] from coming.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:21] The handmaid's tale?

[1:05:23] Is that the,

[1:05:24] the,

[1:05:25] the,

[1:05:26] Park Chanwood?

[1:05:27] Yeah,

[1:05:27] the Park Chanwood.

[1:05:27] No,

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:28] that's just called

[1:05:28] the handmaiden.

[1:05:29] Okay.

[1:05:30] Handmaid's tale

[1:05:31] is a different thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:32] Oh,

[1:05:32] okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:33] Oh,

[1:05:33] boy.

[1:05:34] Oh,

[1:05:35] boy.

[1:05:35] I roll.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:36] It went over way better

[1:05:37] when I remembered things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:39] I've got a Jumbotron message

[1:05:40] to this.

[1:05:41] Okay.

[1:05:41] for Mark from Steven.

[1:05:44] And the message is,

[1:05:45] happy birthday to my favorite brother

[1:05:46] to watch all the greatest movies with.

[1:05:48] The great mouse detective,

[1:05:50] the great Muppet caper,

[1:05:51] and of course,

[1:05:51] Fateful Findings.

[1:05:52] No matter,

[1:05:53] hit it,

[1:05:54] Rockapella,

[1:05:54] where in the world you are.

[1:05:56] Parking your carcass

[1:05:57] when you hear this.

[1:05:58] I hope you find the file

[1:05:59] that makes you sweep

[1:06:00] all the laptops

[1:06:01] off your desk

[1:06:01] in excitement.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:03] Thanks for the Jumbotrons,

[1:06:05] guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:06] That was a very nice message.

[1:06:07] There you go.

[1:06:07] Uh,

[1:06:07] we have some things

[1:06:08] to promote,

[1:06:09] right, Dan?

[1:06:09] Yeah, right.

[1:06:09] We do have some things

Dan McCoy

[1:06:10] to promote.

[1:06:11] We've got a live show

[1:06:12] on,

[1:06:13] uh,

[1:06:14] June the 9th.

[1:06:15] At the Bell House.

[1:06:16] At the Bell House.

[1:06:16] Beautiful Brooklyn.

[1:06:17] Uh,

[1:06:18] our early show

[1:06:19] is sold out.

[1:06:20] Our late show,

[1:06:21] the one at 10 p.m.

[1:06:23] is as of this,

[1:06:24] uh,

[1:06:25] taping not sold out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:26] Oh man,

[1:06:27] that one's gonna be

[1:06:27] dark and dirty,

[1:06:28] guys,

[1:06:28] because that is

[1:06:29] 50 Shades Darker.

[1:06:32] On 69,

[1:06:33] dudes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:34] Oh boy,

[1:06:34] it's gonna be,

[1:06:35] if you ever want,

[1:06:36] you think this show's filthy

[1:06:37] with its talk of pre-com.

[1:06:39] That show is going to be

[1:06:40] super filth-a-rama.

[1:06:42] I think Elliot shivered

[1:06:43] when he just said that.

[1:06:43] It's not a word I like.

[1:06:45] Uh,

[1:06:46] it's gonna,

[1:06:46] I guarantee you.

[1:06:47] Pre-ejaculate?

[1:06:48] I,

[1:06:48] no.

[1:06:49] No.

[1:06:49] It was worse when you said that

[1:06:50] than smiled at Elliot.

[1:06:52] That was not like a thing

[1:06:53] that I liked.

[1:06:54] Uh,

[1:06:55] I guarantee you

[1:06:56] that that,

[1:06:57] everyone will leave

[1:06:58] that 50 Shades Darker show

[1:06:59] feeling gross

[1:07:00] and ashamed of themselves.

[1:07:01] Yeah,

[1:07:01] you don't wanna get

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:02] in the splash zone

[1:07:03] on that one.

[1:07:03] You wanna stay near

[1:07:04] the back of the room.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:05] I mean,

[1:07:05] it's possible

[1:07:06] that we'll just

[1:07:07] lose control

[1:07:08] and the whole room

[1:07:08] will turn into

[1:07:09] an all-out orgy

[1:07:10] of guys in black t-shirts.

[1:07:12] But,

[1:07:12] probably not.

[1:07:14] Probably we'll all

[1:07:14] just feel gross

[1:07:15] because we'll say words

[1:07:16] that are disgusting

[1:07:17] in front of people.

[1:07:18] Uh,

[1:07:18] and we have another show

[1:07:19] to promote,

[1:07:20] right?

[1:07:21] There's one in Philly.

[1:07:23] On July 16th.

[1:07:24] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:25] Philadelphia,

[1:07:26] the city of big sandwiches.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:28] Uh-huh.

[1:07:28] That's part of the Philly Podfest.

[1:07:30] Cheese Whiz Central.

[1:07:32] You got one?

[1:07:35] Home of the Philly Podfest.

[1:07:36] Okay.

[1:07:37] Which our show

[1:07:37] will be part of.

[1:07:38] Okay.

[1:07:39] On July 16th.

[1:07:39] And that show is at

[1:07:40] 8 o'clock, I believe?

[1:07:41] Yeah.

[1:07:42] Uh,

[1:07:43] we're talking to Sunday night,

[1:07:44] January,

[1:07:45] January,

[1:07:45] on July 16th.

[1:07:47] And I am going to be

[1:07:48] rushing to Philadelphia

[1:07:49] from my aunt's birthday party

[1:07:51] in Manhattan.

[1:07:52] So,

[1:07:52] I'm going to be there.

[1:07:54] I hope.

[1:07:54] And I have to make a real effort.

[1:07:55] So, you guys better be there too.

[1:07:56] And by you guys,

[1:07:57] I mean the audience

[1:07:58] and also Dan and Stuart.

[1:07:59] And I'm going to be

[1:07:59] probably working through

[1:08:01] some kind of hangover.

[1:08:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:08:02] So,

[1:08:03] if you want to do

[1:08:04] an Elliot Day in Philadelphia,

[1:08:05] here's what I recommend.

[1:08:07] One,

[1:08:08] get a cheesesteak.

[1:08:09] Two,

[1:08:10] go to the Philadelphia

[1:08:11] Museum of Art,

[1:08:12] go see the world's

[1:08:13] greatest collection

[1:08:14] of Marcel Duchamp's work,

[1:08:15] and also,

[1:08:16] the statue that used to be

[1:08:17] on top of the

[1:08:17] the old Madison Square Garden

[1:08:19] years and years ago.

[1:08:20] Should be in New York,

[1:08:21] but it's not.

[1:08:22] It's in Philadelphia.

[1:08:23] Then,

[1:08:24] kill some time

[1:08:25] for a few hours,

[1:08:25] and then come see us

[1:08:26] and record a live episode

[1:08:28] of the Flophouse.

[1:08:28] Yeah,

[1:08:29] head down to that store

[1:08:29] of the Reliquary

[1:08:30] that sells heavy metal records

[1:08:31] and Warhammer dudes.

[1:08:32] Yeah,

[1:08:32] go ahead,

[1:08:33] go for it.

[1:08:34] And so those are our plugs.

[1:08:35] So those are our live shows.

[1:08:36] June 9th at the Bell House

[1:08:38] in Brooklyn,

[1:08:38] July 16th in Philadelphia,

[1:08:40] and I have a correction,

[1:08:41] guys.

[1:08:42] I want to start,

[1:08:43] when mistakes and things

[1:08:44] I say are pointed out

[1:08:45] to me online,

[1:08:46] I want to start correcting them

[1:08:47] just to correct the record.

[1:08:48] So,

[1:08:48] in the last episode,

[1:08:50] I erroneously

[1:08:51] credited Anne Hathaway

[1:08:53] with an Oscar win

[1:08:55] for Rachel Getting Married.

[1:08:56] In fact,

[1:08:57] it was

[1:08:57] Les Miserables

[1:08:58] that she won

[1:09:00] that Academy Award for.

[1:09:01] Yes.

[1:09:01] Get out of here.

[1:09:02] So,

[1:09:03] it's a correction from me.

[1:09:04] I apologize to anyone

[1:09:05] who was making

[1:09:06] an Anne Hathaway almanac

[1:09:07] and was misled

[1:09:09] by my incorrect memory.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:11] On a long,

[1:09:11] overdue correction from me,

[1:09:13] of course,

[1:09:14] Walter Hill

[1:09:15] did not direct

[1:09:16] Midnight Run.

[1:09:17] It was

[1:09:17] Martin Brest.

[1:09:19] Martin Brest.

[1:09:20] How could you forget him?

[1:09:21] I guess his name

[1:09:22] was Martin Butts,

[1:09:23] you'd remember.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:23] While we're doing

[1:09:24] corrections,

[1:09:25] guys,

[1:09:26] I don't want to say

[1:09:27] anything because I'm great

[1:09:28] and I never mess

[1:09:29] anything up.

[1:09:30] So,

[1:09:31] I don't mean to shame y'all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:33] I mean,

[1:09:33] if anything,

[1:09:34] that's the greatest error

[1:09:35] of all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:35] Yeah,

[1:09:36] that's the thing,

[1:09:36] being too perfect.

[1:09:37] Yeah,

[1:09:37] exactly.

[1:09:37] That's what I say

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:38] when I go to job interviews.

[1:09:39] I work too hard.

[1:09:41] I think I hold myself

[1:09:42] to too high a standard.

[1:09:43] Also,

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:44] I just care too much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:45] I have this thing

[1:09:46] where I have sex

[1:09:47] with couches

[1:09:48] in the office,

[1:09:49] but mostly it's that

[1:09:50] I work too hard

[1:09:51] and I hold myself

[1:09:51] to too high a standard.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:52] Yeah,

[1:09:52] I treat that couch

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:53] super well afterwards.

[1:09:54] Oh,

[1:09:55] yeah,

[1:09:55] I make love to the couch.

[1:09:56] We have brunch

[1:09:57] and stuff later,

[1:09:58] Yeah,

[1:09:59] yeah,

[1:09:59] and I give it

[1:09:59] totally cold the couch.

[1:10:00] And then I give it

[1:10:01] a gift basket full

[1:10:02] of Derek Jeter memorabilia,

[1:10:03] as is the proper thing

[1:10:05] to do the next morning.

[1:10:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:07] Now is the time

[1:10:09] on the podcast

[1:10:09] where we answer letters

[1:10:11] from listeners like you.

[1:10:13] Letters are as such.

[1:10:17] This one is titled

[1:10:18] on butts and such.

[1:10:20] It's from Justin,

[1:10:21] last name withheld.

[1:10:23] Hi, Justin.

[1:10:23] Who writes,

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:25] Justin Theroux,

[1:10:26] star of TV's The Leftovers,

[1:10:27] which should not be

[1:10:28] Leftover this season.

[1:10:30] You should watch it,

[1:10:30] I think.

[1:10:31] I actually don't,

[1:10:32] though.

[1:10:32] I don't like that show.

[1:10:34] We went on a real trip

[1:10:36] for that.

[1:10:37] Yep.

[1:10:38] Man,

[1:10:38] I've roasted

[1:10:39] the city of Detroit

[1:10:40] and the TV show

[1:10:41] The Leftovers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:42] Oh,

[1:10:42] you're going to,

[1:10:42] hey,

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:42] okay,

[1:10:43] whose toes you step on,

[1:10:44] you have no friends left.

[1:10:45] You know,

[1:10:46] as they say,

[1:10:46] the mark of a true journalist

[1:10:48] is when he dies

[1:10:49] and no one attends

[1:10:49] his funeral.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:50] Yeah.

[1:10:51] Dan,

[1:10:51] you got to make sure

[1:10:52] to tag this episode,

[1:10:53] Bridge Burden.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:55] Just put this

[1:10:56] in the hot takes house.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:58] Yeah,

[1:10:58] yeah,

[1:10:58] yeah.

[1:10:59] Maybe,

[1:11:00] maybe,

[1:11:00] like,

[1:11:00] make the explicit tag

[1:11:01] super,

[1:11:02] super,

[1:11:04] like,

[1:11:04] cover with flames.

[1:11:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:05] So what does Justin Theroux say?

[1:11:06] On butts and such.

[1:11:07] I recently rewatched

[1:11:09] Lethal Weapon

[1:11:09] for the first time

[1:11:10] in probably a couple

[1:11:11] of decades

[1:11:12] and was disappointed

[1:11:13] to find that it did not

[1:11:14] live up to my childhood

[1:11:15] memories.

[1:11:16] Nonetheless,

[1:11:17] I was struck by how much

[1:11:18] nudity played a part

[1:11:19] at the beginning of the movie.

[1:11:20] In the very first scene,

[1:11:22] the half-naked call girl

[1:11:23] does some poison drugs,

[1:11:24] proceeds to throw herself

[1:11:25] from the balcony

[1:11:26] of a condo.

[1:11:27] Cut to Murtaugh's family

[1:11:28] surprising him

[1:11:29] while he's taking a bath

[1:11:30] with a birthday cake.

[1:11:31] A close inspection...

[1:11:32] Why was he taking a bath

[1:11:33] with a birthday cake?

[1:11:35] That's weird.

[1:11:36] He didn't think

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:36] his wife was home.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:37] A close inspection

[1:11:38] of the water

[1:11:39] reveals he's not taking

[1:11:40] a lush bubble bath.

[1:11:41] The water looks

[1:11:42] a little cloudy at best

[1:11:43] with some sparse bubbles

[1:11:44] here and there.

[1:11:45] I mean,

[1:11:45] he's a cop.

[1:11:45] He's not made out of bubbles.

[1:11:47] So you know

[1:11:48] that his wife and kids

[1:11:49] can clearly make out

[1:11:49] his 50-year-old dong

[1:11:51] just under the surface

[1:11:51] of the water.

[1:11:53] This scene is great

[1:11:53] because as a father,

[1:11:54] it perfectly shows

[1:11:55] that your right

[1:11:55] to any sort of private space

[1:11:56] ends the moment

[1:11:57] your kids can walk.

[1:11:58] Oh, believe me,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:00] that's the case.

[1:12:00] I have to use the toilet

[1:12:02] with my hand pressed up

[1:12:03] against the door

[1:12:04] to stop a three-year-old

[1:12:05] gremlin from pushing it open

[1:12:07] and wandering in.

[1:12:08] That's the fault of my landlord

[1:12:11] for not putting locks

[1:12:12] on the doors.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:12] I do that too

[1:12:13] because my cat

[1:12:14] meows if I don't let him in.

[1:12:16] I'll let him in

[1:12:17] and then muscles

[1:12:18] meows at me

[1:12:18] until I pet him

[1:12:19] and then he falls down

[1:12:21] and if I keep petting him,

[1:12:22] he attacks me.

[1:12:23] If I don't keep petting him,

[1:12:25] he jumps up

[1:12:26] and attacks me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:26] It's a real

[1:12:27] damned if you do,

[1:12:28] damned if you don't

[1:12:28] type thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:30] He goes on,

[1:12:31] finally,

[1:12:31] the next scene,

[1:12:32] we are treated

[1:12:32] to a lengthy dose

[1:12:33] of Mel Gibson's

[1:12:35] Aussie ass cheeks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:37] So I ask you...

[1:12:37] They used to be

[1:12:38] his fucking calling card,

[1:12:39] by the way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:39] Yeah, he used to show

[1:12:40] his butt a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:41] I ask you,

[1:12:41] when and why...

[1:12:42] I mean, literally,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:42] he would leave his butt

[1:12:43] at the scenes of crimes

[1:12:44] that he committed.

[1:12:45] It was his calling card.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:47] So I ask you...

[1:12:48] Dear boss,

[1:12:48] here's my butt.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:50] When and why

[1:12:51] did our major motion pictures

[1:12:52] become so prudish?

[1:12:54] Your most obedient

[1:12:55] and humble servant,

[1:12:56] Justin Lastame,

[1:12:57] withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:58] I would say that

[1:12:59] American movies

[1:13:00] go in cycles

[1:13:01] of libertin-ish-ness

[1:13:04] and prudery

[1:13:04] going through

[1:13:07] the 30s

[1:13:07] into the late 30s

[1:13:09] and 40s.

[1:13:09] You add from the 50s

[1:13:10] into the 60s

[1:13:11] and 70s

[1:13:11] and then back again.

[1:13:13] So, like,

[1:13:13] by the time of...

[1:13:15] There was that period

[1:13:16] in the 80s

[1:13:17] when almost every comedy

[1:13:18] seemed to have nudity in it

[1:13:19] and even some family movies

[1:13:21] had butt nudity in it.

[1:13:22] Then by the late 80s,

[1:13:24] early 90s,

[1:13:25] that was shifting away

[1:13:26] and you just had

[1:13:26] kind of action movies

[1:13:27] and thrillers

[1:13:28] would show boobs

[1:13:29] and now even that's

[1:13:31] pretty much gone away.

[1:13:32] And who knows?

[1:13:33] Maybe sometime

[1:13:33] that'll change,

[1:13:34] but for some reason

[1:13:35] we are in a cycle.

[1:13:36] Maybe it's changed

[1:13:37] a little bit for comedies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:38] I think I'll help

[1:13:39] answer this question, guys.

[1:13:40] It's because of money.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:41] Yeah.

[1:13:42] Well, that's it.

[1:13:42] They've got to attract

Dan McCoy

[1:13:43] as many people

[1:13:44] to the movie as they get.

[1:13:45] No, that's what I was

[1:13:45] going to say.

[1:13:46] I think that the 80s

[1:13:48] had an advantage

[1:13:48] because it was a time of...

[1:13:51] They had the advantage

[1:13:52] of relaxed standards

[1:13:54] in movies,

[1:13:55] but by the time

[1:13:56] our time comes around,

[1:13:58] people have worried

[1:13:59] so much about

[1:14:00] appealing to such

[1:14:01] a broad audience

[1:14:02] that it's all

[1:14:02] PG-13 stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:04] Yeah, I'm going to

[1:14:05] paraphrase

[1:14:05] director James Mangold,

[1:14:08] the director of Logan,

[1:14:09] a movie that I still

[1:14:10] haven't seen.

[1:14:11] I haven't seen it either.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:12] He was talking about

[1:14:13] that sort of thing

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:14] and he was talking

[1:14:15] about how movies,

[1:14:18] especially like

[1:14:18] big summer movies,

[1:14:19] have to appeal

[1:14:20] to the broadest

[1:14:21] audience possible

[1:14:21] and so that's basically

[1:14:23] like second graders

[1:14:25] and that when he was

[1:14:26] in second grade

[1:14:27] his favorite TV show

[1:14:29] was Alf.

[1:14:30] So that's basically

[1:14:31] a sign that he was

[1:14:32] an idiot when he was

[1:14:33] in second grade

[1:14:34] and that in general...

[1:14:36] I'm sorry.

[1:14:37] What are you saying

[1:14:37] about Alf?

[1:14:38] I hate to correct you,

[1:14:39] Stuart,

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:40] since as you pointed out...

[1:14:41] I don't know why

[1:14:41] you're shooting

[1:14:42] the messenger here.

[1:14:43] Stop shooting me.

[1:14:44] As you pointed out,

[1:14:45] you've never made a mistake.

[1:14:47] I believe you're confusing

[1:14:48] what James Mangold said

[1:14:49] with what Matt Singer said

[1:14:51] coming off of

[1:14:52] what James Mangold said.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:53] I could easily

[1:14:54] be doing that,

[1:14:55] that my least favorite

[1:14:57] movie critic,

[1:14:58] Matt Singer,

[1:14:58] was saying that.

[1:15:00] Matt Singer,

[1:15:01] who is very bad

[1:15:02] at hero clicks,

[1:15:03] might I add.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:04] You would know,

[1:15:05] strangely.

[1:15:07] I would say,

[1:15:07] there's also,

[1:15:08] the international market

[1:15:09] is not as welcoming

[1:15:09] to nudity

[1:15:10] as it once was

[1:15:11] years ago.

[1:15:12] Because the international market...

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:14] Send it over to Europe,

[1:15:15] I thought they were all

[1:15:15] like boobs and wieners.

[1:15:16] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:17] the international market

[1:15:17] used to be like Europe

[1:15:18] and now it's more Asia.

[1:15:21] And they're not into

[1:15:22] boobs and wieners?

[1:15:23] Not in the same way.

[1:15:24] Everyone has like,

[1:15:25] every place has its different

[1:15:26] things that they're okay

[1:15:28] with and not okay with.

[1:15:29] They are the best parts,

[1:15:30] Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:30] The best parts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:31] But,

[1:15:32] what,

[1:15:33] of the body?

[1:15:34] Yeah.

[1:15:34] I would say it's a

[1:15:35] combination of things.

[1:15:36] But I do think,

[1:15:36] I think we'll see that cycle

[1:15:38] turn again at some point

[1:15:39] as either movies become

[1:15:42] more of a niche thing

[1:15:43] and don't worry about

[1:15:44] capturing a mass audience

[1:15:45] anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:45] You're in your first,

[1:15:46] folks.

[1:15:46] L.A. predicts a return

[1:15:47] of nudity and stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:49] Yeah,

[1:15:49] and then eventually

[1:15:50] a return of prudishness

[1:15:51] as we have to appeal

[1:15:52] to aliens who don't want

[1:15:53] to see those disgusting

[1:15:54] human nude bits.

[1:15:55] Yeah,

[1:15:55] that makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:57] This next letter

[1:15:57] is from Randall

[1:15:58] Lastname Withheld

[1:15:59] who writes,

[1:16:00] Randall Flagg?

[1:16:01] Oh no,

[1:16:01] from The Stand?

[1:16:02] Yikes!

[1:16:03] I ended up checking out

[1:16:04] an old Hollywood auction

[1:16:05] catalog and lo and behold

[1:16:07] I found a holy grail of yours.

[1:16:09] The original weasel

[1:16:10] stand-in rehearsal puppet

[1:16:11] from Who Framed Roger Rabbit

[1:16:13] What?

[1:16:14] Estimated at

[1:16:15] three to five thousand dollars.

[1:16:17] Reasonable.

[1:16:18] Yeah,

[1:16:18] that's not bad.

[1:16:19] Which brings me

[1:16:20] to this question.

[1:16:22] Besides the weasel,

[1:16:22] what is your true

[1:16:23] holy grail of movie props

[1:16:25] or memorabilia?

[1:16:26] What movie item

[1:16:27] that you might encounter

[1:16:28] would tempt you

[1:16:28] to break the bank?

[1:16:30] I can only imagine

[1:16:30] the ding-dongs,

[1:16:31] sleds,

[1:16:32] and whatnots

[1:16:32] that might do so.

[1:16:33] Thanks and please

[1:16:34] pass on my love

[1:16:35] for Archie Randall

[1:16:36] Lastname Withheld.

[1:16:37] Interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:38] Who asked this question?

[1:16:39] Randall?

[1:16:39] Yeah.

[1:16:40] Oh, Randall Flagg.

[1:16:40] That's right.

[1:16:41] It's interesting

[1:16:42] that the greatest villain

[1:16:44] in Stephen King's oeuvre

[1:16:46] would ask this question now

[1:16:47] because this is something

[1:16:48] I've been thinking about lately

[1:16:49] and actually I've been

[1:16:50] talking to my wife about.

[1:16:52] There is one thing

[1:16:53] that is

[1:16:54] I have never been able

[1:16:55] to justify the expense

[1:16:56] of the expense of

[1:16:56] and yet

[1:16:57] if I find one

[1:16:58] on the market again

[1:16:59] I think I will

[1:17:00] go for it

[1:17:01] because

[1:17:02] it's like

[1:17:03] this is the thing

[1:17:04] that's always been holding out

[1:17:04] and that is that

[1:17:05] every now and then

[1:17:06] an original drawing

[1:17:08] from Gertie the Dinosaur

[1:17:09] goes up on auction.

[1:17:10] This is the

[1:17:10] Windsor McKay cartoon

[1:17:11] from 1916

[1:17:13] I think it was

[1:17:14] and

[1:17:15] that he drew it all himself

[1:17:17] and because he didn't have cells

[1:17:18] every drawing

[1:17:19] he did for it

[1:17:20] has the background,

[1:17:21] has everything.

[1:17:22] he drew thousands of drawings

[1:17:23] for this cartoon

[1:17:24] and every now and then

[1:17:25] an original frame from it

[1:17:26] or drawing from it

[1:17:27] goes up for auction

[1:17:28] for like

[1:17:29] for a while years ago

[1:17:31] they were up for around $5,000

[1:17:32] lately it's more like

[1:17:33] $8,000 to $10,000

[1:17:34] and it's like

[1:17:34] I've always been like

[1:17:35] I can't justify

[1:17:36] spending that much money

[1:17:38] on a drawing of a dinosaur

[1:17:39] and yet

[1:17:40] if I see

[1:17:41] but it's gone by

[1:17:43] so many times

[1:17:43] and as I say to myself

[1:17:44] it's partly

[1:17:46] an investment in value

[1:17:47] in a piece of original art

[1:17:49] but more than anything

[1:17:50] it's something I want

[1:17:50] really badly

[1:17:51] so

[1:17:51] if you Flophouse listeners

[1:17:53] ever see a Gertie the Dinosaur

[1:17:54] drawing up for auction somewhere

[1:17:56] let me know

[1:17:57] because I want to buy one.

[1:17:59] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:00] this is a tough question

[1:18:01] I mean

[1:18:02] I have a couple of answers

[1:18:03] so like

[1:18:04] let's assume

[1:18:05] there's a couple of

[1:18:05] holy grails for me

[1:18:06] obviously

[1:18:08] I want something

[1:18:08] that I'm going to get

[1:18:09] a lot of use out of

[1:18:10] so

[1:18:11] it would probably be

[1:18:12] either

[1:18:13] the snakeskin jacket

[1:18:14] from Wild at Heart

[1:18:15] that Sailor wears

[1:18:17] it's a symbol

[1:18:18] of his individuality

[1:18:19] and his personal freedom

[1:18:20] yeah

[1:18:20] as he says

[1:18:21] or maybe

[1:18:22] a pair of sunglasses

[1:18:24] from They Live

[1:18:25] or

[1:18:27] the

[1:18:28] cat

[1:18:29] corpse

[1:18:30] from

[1:18:31] Reanimator

[1:18:34] would you settle

[1:18:34] for the cat corpse

[1:18:35] from A Dog's Purpose

[1:18:36] maybe

[1:18:38] can I squirt it

[1:18:39] full of reagent

[1:18:40] probably

[1:18:41] but I don't think

[1:18:42] my wife would let me

[1:18:43] display that one

[1:18:44] but I think

[1:18:45] my number one

[1:18:46] would be

[1:18:47] the original puppet

[1:18:48] of the Lady Gremlin

[1:18:50] from Gremlins 2

[1:18:51] so I could give it to Dan

[1:18:52] for a 10 year anniversary

[1:18:54] gift

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:54] they had that Stan Winston

[1:18:55] auction recently

[1:18:56] and there's so much

[1:18:57] Gremlin stuff in it

Dan McCoy

[1:18:58] yeah

[1:18:58] you stole the thing

[1:18:59] that I was going to say

[1:19:00] which was

[1:19:00] the Lady Gremlin

[1:19:01] not the Lady Gremlin

[1:19:02] specifically

[1:19:03] but any original

[1:19:04] Gremlins puppet

[1:19:05] would be my thing

[1:19:06] I'm surprised

[1:19:07] actually that Elliot

[1:19:08] didn't go for that

[1:19:09] if you'll see

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:09] I had notes here

[1:19:10] Gertie Dinosaur Cell

[1:19:11] and Gremlins puppet

[1:19:12] so we can all agree

[1:19:13] on Gremlins puppet

[1:19:13] I decided to go with

[1:19:14] the one that I'm

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:15] even if you have to

[1:19:18] stealth into

[1:19:20] Robert Picardo's home

[1:19:22] like a ninja

[1:19:23] from Tenchu

[1:19:24] the video game

[1:19:25] and steal the

[1:19:27] but you think

[1:19:27] Robert Picardo has it

[1:19:28] because he's still

[1:19:29] in love with her

[1:19:30] he met her once

[1:19:32] on the set of

[1:19:33] Gremlins 2

[1:19:33] and had to take her

[1:19:34] home

[1:19:34] and then they're

[1:19:35] in love forever

[1:19:36] so you have to

[1:19:36] steal her

[1:19:37] it's a real

[1:19:37] Kevin Kline

Dan McCoy

[1:19:38] Phoebe Cates

[1:19:38] situation

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:39] like Paris

[1:19:41] and take her away

[1:19:43] to Dan's

[1:19:44] trip

[1:19:45] but yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:47] if there was

[1:19:48] that Stan Winston

[1:19:49] auction

[1:19:50] and they had

[1:19:50] a lot of

[1:19:50] Gremlins 2

[1:19:51] stuff up

[1:19:51] they had a

[1:19:52] Bat Gremlin

[1:19:52] I think they had

[1:19:53] the Lady Gremlin

[1:19:54] that was an

[1:19:56] animation

[1:19:56] so no

[1:19:57] but they had

[1:19:58] so many

[1:19:59] and that was

[1:19:59] another one

[1:20:00] where it was

[1:20:00] like

[1:20:00] that was one

[1:20:02] where I can

[1:20:02] I've talked to

[1:20:03] my wife about it

[1:20:04] and she said

[1:20:04] like that

[1:20:05] Gurry the Dinosaur

[1:20:05] thing I know

[1:20:06] it means a lot

[1:20:06] to you

[1:20:07] in the end

[1:20:08] we can

[1:20:08] afford it

[1:20:09] probably someday

[1:20:10] and something

[1:20:11] that'll appreciate

[1:20:11] and value

[1:20:11] like you should

[1:20:12] buy it

[1:20:12] but the

[1:20:13] Gremlins puppet

[1:20:14] and we can

[1:20:15] display that

[1:20:15] a Gremlins puppet

[1:20:16] she's never

[1:20:17] gonna be okay

[1:20:17] with me

[1:20:18] displaying that

[1:20:19] like can I

[1:20:19] put this

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:20] bat monster

[1:20:21] up in the house

[1:20:22] that's insane

[1:20:22] that's an

[1:20:23] amazing thing

[1:20:24] to put in the

[1:20:24] house

[1:20:24] I know

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:25] not until I

[1:20:25] have my

[1:20:26] my own

[1:20:26] study

[1:20:26] slash office

[1:20:27] where I'll

[1:20:27] put like a

[1:20:28] like a

[1:20:28] elephant skull

[1:20:29] or something

[1:20:29] not an elephant

[1:20:30] skull

[1:20:31] like a

[1:20:31] tyrannosaurus skull

[1:20:32] yeah thank you

[1:20:33] I'll be

[1:20:33] bidding for one

[1:20:34] against Nicolas Cage

[1:20:35] and Leo DiCaprio

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:36] yeah or like

[1:20:37] some kind of

[1:20:37] like a giant

[1:20:38] coin that's

[1:20:39] crossed out

[1:20:40] on one side

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:41] oh yeah

[1:20:41] to remember

[1:20:42] my many

[1:20:42] adventures

[1:20:43] maybe like

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:43] Jason Todd's

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:44] I'll have

[1:20:45] my giant

[1:20:46] company

[1:20:47] my giant

[1:20:48] dinosaur

[1:20:48] robot

[1:20:49] Jason Todd's

[1:20:50] costume from

[1:20:50] after he died

[1:20:51] in a glass

[1:20:52] cylinder

[1:20:52] Grendel Prime

[1:20:53] yeah

[1:20:54] Grendel Rose's

[1:20:57] skull

[1:20:57] and also

[1:20:58] Grendel Prime

Dan McCoy

[1:20:59] this is from

[1:21:01] Bess

[1:21:01] last name

[1:21:01] withheld

[1:21:02] who says a few

[1:21:03] nice things

[1:21:04] up top

[1:21:04] about how much

[1:21:06] she likes us

[1:21:06] but let's get

[1:21:07] to the question

[1:21:07] I have a question

[1:21:09] in response

[1:21:10] to Dan's

[1:21:10] recent

[1:21:11] recommendation

[1:21:11] I don't want to

[1:21:12] pat ourselves

[1:21:12] on the back

[1:21:13] why should we

[1:21:14] feel good about

[1:21:14] ourselves

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:15] I have a question

Dan McCoy

[1:21:17] in response

[1:21:18] to Dan's

[1:21:18] recent

[1:21:19] recommendation

[1:21:19] bless his

[1:21:20] heart

[1:21:20] recently Dan

[1:21:21] recommended the

[1:21:22] film The

[1:21:22] Wonder Boys

[1:21:23] based on

[1:21:24] Michael Chabon's

[1:21:25] novel the same

[1:21:26] name

[1:21:26] well it's just

[1:21:27] Wonder Boys

[1:21:27] I read the

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:30] book recently

[1:21:30] wow okay

[1:21:31] I guess you

[1:21:32] didn't want to

[1:21:33] read those

[1:21:33] compliments so

[1:21:34] that you'd

[1:21:34] feel better

[1:21:34] about slagging

[1:21:35] her

Dan McCoy

[1:21:35] no I just

[1:21:37] wanted to

[1:21:37] yeah I can't

[1:21:39] I can't let it

[1:21:39] go

[1:21:41] book recently

[1:21:41] and really

[1:21:42] enjoyed it

[1:21:43] but made the

[1:21:43] mistake of

[1:21:44] watching the

[1:21:44] film adaptation

[1:21:45] only a few

[1:21:45] days later

[1:21:46] having the

[1:21:47] novel so fresh

[1:21:48] in my mind

[1:21:48] the film's

[1:21:49] collapsing of

[1:21:49] the plot

[1:21:50] for fewer

[1:21:50] characters

[1:21:51] satyr dinners

[1:21:52] and dead

[1:21:52] animals and

[1:21:53] the drunk

[1:21:54] seemed like a

[1:21:55] waste

[1:21:55] have you ever

[1:21:56] seen a film

[1:21:57] adaptation of a

[1:21:58] novel too soon

[1:21:59] after reading the

[1:21:59] novel so it was

[1:22:00] impossible to see

[1:22:01] past the

[1:22:01] differences to

[1:22:02] enjoy the film

[1:22:03] thanks so much

[1:22:04] best last name

[1:22:05] withheld

[1:22:05] I mean for the

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:08] longest time I've

[1:22:09] always like

[1:22:10] for the longest

[1:22:10] time any

[1:22:11] time I read

[1:22:11] for the

[1:22:12] longest time

Dan McCoy

[1:22:14] oh

[1:22:15] oh

[1:22:16] oh

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:17] oh the

[1:22:17] longest

[1:22:18] time

[1:22:18] yes you're

[1:22:24] saying for the

[1:22:25] longest time

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:25] when I'd

[1:22:28] read a

[1:22:29] novel then

[1:22:29] watch a

[1:22:30] movie

[1:22:31] I love it

[1:22:32] keep going

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:33] and then

[1:22:37] you'd see

[1:22:38] it

[1:22:38] and then

[1:22:40] you've

[1:22:40] read that

[1:22:40] book

[1:22:41] yes

[1:22:41] no I

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:46] would always

[1:22:47] be disappointed

[1:22:47] like I'd

[1:22:48] always want to

[1:22:49] read the book

[1:22:49] and then watch

[1:22:50] the movie and

[1:22:50] be disappointed

[1:22:51] so I mean

[1:22:53] this seems like

[1:22:55] an obvious like

[1:22:56] most things like

[1:22:57] it's not a

[1:22:57] surprise

[1:22:58] but then I

[1:23:00] mean there is I

[1:23:01] don't know if it

[1:23:02] was because like

[1:23:03] special effects or

[1:23:04] something started to

[1:23:05] catch up with

[1:23:06] catch up with my

[1:23:07] imagination

[1:23:08] but uh

[1:23:09] and exceed it

[1:23:10] yeah um

[1:23:11] but I think

[1:23:12] the most recent

[1:23:14] example of that

[1:23:15] was uh

[1:23:16] I think it

[1:23:17] was I had read

[1:23:19] uh LA

[1:23:20] confidential and

[1:23:21] then rewatched the

[1:23:22] movie because

[1:23:23] I just read the

[1:23:23] book um

[1:23:25] and I remember

[1:23:25] loving the movie

[1:23:26] when it came

[1:23:27] out uh

[1:23:28] but watching it

[1:23:29] right after reading

[1:23:30] the book it

[1:23:30] seemed so much

[1:23:31] smaller and

[1:23:32] like a like a

[1:23:35] Hollywood movie

[1:23:35] like it it

[1:23:37] seemed less of

[1:23:38] what it should

[1:23:38] have been

Dan McCoy

[1:23:39] I uh even

[1:23:42] though the movie

[1:23:42] the princess

[1:23:42] bride is is a

[1:23:44] terrific movie

[1:23:45] that's crazy

[1:23:48] book so much

[1:23:48] as a kid that

[1:23:49] I couldn't like

[1:23:50] fully embrace

[1:23:51] the movie like

[1:23:52] I love the

[1:23:53] movie don't get

[1:23:54] me wrong but

[1:23:55] I like there's

[1:23:56] so much stuff

[1:23:56] that I miss

[1:23:57] from the book

[1:23:58] like that they

[1:23:59] couldn't do in

[1:24:00] the movie

[1:24:00] like there's

[1:24:01] no reason like

[1:24:02] there's no way

[1:24:02] that they could

[1:24:03] do like the

[1:24:03] whole uh

[1:24:04] conceit of the

[1:24:05] book which is

[1:24:06] that this is a

[1:24:07] uh like they

[1:24:08] took an old

[1:24:09] book that had

[1:24:10] all these boring

[1:24:11] bits and cut

[1:24:11] out all the

[1:24:12] boring bits and

[1:24:12] just had the

[1:24:13] good parts

[1:24:13] and uh

[1:24:15] and William

[1:24:16] Goldman's dad

[1:24:17] only read him

[1:24:18] the good parts

[1:24:18] of the book

[1:24:19] and he this

[1:24:20] is his abridged

[1:24:20] version of this

[1:24:22] old history that

[1:24:24] uh he used to

[1:24:25] have read to

[1:24:25] him and there's

[1:24:26] stuff in there

[1:24:27] like there's the

[1:24:27] zoo of death

[1:24:28] sequence in the

[1:24:30] book that uh

[1:24:31] is cut out from

[1:24:32] the movie where

[1:24:33] prince humperdink

[1:24:34] has this zoo of

[1:24:36] all the other

[1:24:36] animals that he's

[1:24:37] captured that

[1:24:38] indigo and uh

[1:24:40] and uh

[1:24:41] fezzik have to

[1:24:42] go through to

[1:24:43] get to find the

[1:24:44] body of wesley

[1:24:46] and it's an

[1:24:47] exciting sequence

[1:24:48] and there's all

[1:24:48] this stuff that i

[1:24:49] just missed from

[1:24:50] the movie you

[1:24:51] know like the

[1:24:51] book that's not

[1:24:52] in the movie

[1:24:52] you're saying is

[1:24:53] peter jackson

[1:24:53] should have

[1:24:54] directed it

[1:24:54] because then he

[1:24:55] would have

[1:24:55] included everything

[1:24:56] yeah i mean

[1:24:58] that's just the

[1:24:58] thing about like

[1:24:59] books versus

[1:25:00] movies there's

[1:25:00] always going to

[1:25:00] be more in

[1:25:01] the book

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:01] and occasionally

[1:25:03] uh it's it's

[1:25:05] rare that there's

[1:25:05] more in the

[1:25:06] movie like in

[1:25:08] terms in terms

[1:25:09] i would say that

[1:25:09] like the godfather

[1:25:10] there's not more

[1:25:11] plot wise in the

[1:25:12] movie than the

[1:25:13] book but there's

[1:25:13] more thematically

[1:25:14] right in the it's

[1:25:15] certainly a deeper

[1:25:16] movie than it is

[1:25:17] book well and

Dan McCoy

[1:25:17] then like there

[1:25:18] are all those

[1:25:18] like hitchcock

[1:25:19] movies that were

[1:25:20] made out of like

[1:25:20] short stories

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:21] well but those

[1:25:22] that it ended

[1:25:23] up being so far

[1:25:24] from the like

[1:25:25] vertigo is such a

[1:25:26] beautiful movie but

[1:25:27] it's so far from

[1:25:28] the original source

[1:25:29] material

[1:25:29] i feel like we've

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:30] talked about movies

[1:25:31] that end up being

[1:25:32] better or as good

[1:25:34] as books many

[1:25:35] times on this

[1:25:36] show yeah that's

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:37] true they turn it's

[1:25:38] a tale as old as

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:39] time i prefer the i

[1:25:41] actually weirdly enough

[1:25:42] prefer the lord of the

[1:25:42] rings movies to the

[1:25:43] books and and like i

[1:25:46] think i prefer the

[1:25:47] scanner dark uh a

[1:25:48] scanner darkly movie to

[1:25:49] the book really

[1:25:50] uh i think so i

[1:25:52] think it i think it

[1:25:53] makes a little more

[1:25:53] sense if anything i

[1:25:54] think they work well

[1:25:55] together okay i'll do

Dan McCoy

[1:25:58] that uh i have one

[1:26:00] how many letters do

[1:26:01] we have left i've got

[1:26:02] one really quick letter

[1:26:03] for you elliot here's

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:04] a really quick letter

[1:26:05] for me it's elliot's

[1:26:07] time to shine sorry

[1:26:09] guys step aside because

[1:26:11] it's elliot's time

[1:26:12] elliot's time for a

[1:26:14] quick letter just for

[1:26:16] elliot will they tell

[1:26:17] elliot how much they

[1:26:19] like elliot will they

[1:26:20] tell elliot that he

[1:26:21] kind of smellsy it will

[1:26:23] they tell elliot to go

[1:26:25] to hell yet only one

[1:26:26] way to find out which

[1:26:28] is let dan read this

[1:26:29] letter for elliot

[1:26:31] elliot that's me

[1:26:32] elliot elliot me

[1:26:33] elliot elliot that's

[1:26:35] me hey guys it's me

[1:26:36] elliot here and i just

[1:26:38] found out there's a

[1:26:39] letter from me here was

[1:26:41] the name of a space

[1:26:42] station

[1:26:42] is that a rap right

[1:26:44] it would have been if

[1:26:46] i knew what i was

[1:26:47] doing so let's get to

[1:26:48] that letter for elliot

[1:26:50] let's take to the

[1:26:51] streets and demand and

[1:26:53] read it let's call our

[1:26:55] senators and representatives

[1:26:56] and say hey dan read that

[1:26:59] letter for elliot stop

[1:27:00] hiding elliot under a

[1:27:02] bushel get that letter

[1:27:04] out let's say it let's

[1:27:06] hear it let's put it in

[1:27:08] lights in the sky let's

[1:27:10] read it up all over the

[1:27:12] place read it here read it

[1:27:13] there tv radio newspapers

[1:27:15] maybe on the internet to

[1:27:17] tweet it out instagram

[1:27:19] facebook periscope i'm at

[1:27:23] the big finish okay okay so

[1:27:25] let's get that letter

[1:27:26] reading let's get it going

[1:27:29] before it's snowing dan read

[1:27:32] that letter out now for

[1:27:34] elliot elliot elliot hey

[1:27:36] that's me all right this is

Dan McCoy

[1:27:38] from caleb last name with

[1:27:40] hell that sounds like

[1:27:40] caleb which is my name

[1:27:42] uh it's uh it's titled

[1:27:44] elliot wtf hey wait a

[1:27:47] minute hold on a second

[1:27:48] sounds like a hit job hey

[1:27:49] elliot just finished that

[1:27:51] time travelers episode of

[1:27:52] the new mst3k i was

[1:27:54] excited to finally have an

[1:27:55] excuse to watch that

[1:27:56] terrible movie again

[1:27:57] because i had remembered

[1:27:58] the vast majority of the

[1:27:59] movie being insanely

[1:28:00] boring until the last two

[1:28:01] to three minutes or so when

[1:28:02] it gets bonkers the film

[1:28:04] literally starts fast

[1:28:05] forwarding itself through

[1:28:06] the entire narrative in

[1:28:07] order to show the time

[1:28:08] loop the main characters

[1:28:09] encountered then the

[1:28:10] episode ended without the

[1:28:11] fast forwarding bit granted

[1:28:13] it's a solid two minutes of

[1:28:14] runtime that might prove

[1:28:15] hard to fill with jokes but

[1:28:17] i was surprised nonetheless

[1:28:18] i mean that ending is

[1:28:19] easily the craziest thing

[1:28:20] about that movie right

[1:28:21] caleb last name with

[1:28:23] hell i mean here's the

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:25] dirty secret of mystery

[1:28:26] science of 2000 we got to

[1:28:29] cut the movies down to 70

[1:28:30] minutes we can't show the

[1:28:31] whole movie because we

[1:28:33] got to have room for the

[1:28:34] other bits the host

[1:28:34] segments and things like

[1:28:35] that so sometimes maybe your

[1:28:37] favorite scene gets cut out

[1:28:38] there was a whole monster

[1:28:39] that got cut out of

[1:28:40] wizards that lost kingdom

[1:28:40] too hey you gotta make

[1:28:42] your choices so i'm sorry

[1:28:44] about that but hey how

[1:28:45] about that sweet cameo in

[1:28:46] the time travelers episode

[1:28:47] by me ellie kalen in the

[1:28:49] part of dr varno the

[1:28:50] intergalactic libertine

[1:28:52] yeah that was pretty great

[1:28:53] yeah oh man my favorite

[1:28:55] outfit i've ever worn it

Dan McCoy

[1:28:57] looked like very comfortable

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:58] pajamas oh it was very

[1:29:00] comfortable did you get to

[1:29:00] take that uh costume home

[1:29:02] with you no unfortunately

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:03] but i wore it all day even

[1:29:05] while i was eating lunch

[1:29:06] i just imagine you like a

Dan McCoy

[1:29:09] big like submarine sandwich

[1:29:10] with like marinara sauce

[1:29:12] squirting out of it

[1:29:13] yeah with a with a giant bib

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:17] that has its own face on it

[1:29:18] that's right here's a little

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:19] easter egg for people uh

[1:29:20] maybe you can put it on my

[1:29:21] goofs page in imdb are you

[1:29:23] sure it's an easter egg and

[1:29:24] not a critter critter egg it

[1:29:25] might be a critter egg so

[1:29:26] don't hatch it and it's it

[1:29:27] might be an alien egg so

[1:29:28] don't lean over it because

[1:29:29] the face hugger will hug

[1:29:30] your face everyone lean

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:31] over eggs in the alien

[1:29:33] universe i don't know

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:33] because they're opening up

[1:29:34] and they're like maybe a

[1:29:35] pretty flowers in this yeah

[1:29:36] or a new pet um take a

[1:29:39] look and see how i don't

[1:29:40] know what to do with my

[1:29:41] arm in that scene so i just

[1:29:42] kind of have it cocked at

[1:29:44] an angle doing nothing for

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:45] a long time you think uh

[1:29:48] if pepula pew was in the

[1:29:49] alien universe okay keep

[1:29:51] talking i like where this

[1:29:53] is going because he's

[1:29:54] always like taking time to

[1:29:55] smell them flowers he

[1:29:57] totally have a little

[1:29:58] chestburster wrap around

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:59] his face here's what

[1:30:00] would happen well the

[1:30:00] chestburster doesn't wrap

[1:30:01] around your face the

[1:30:02] face hugger does chest

[1:30:03] burster as the name

[1:30:03] implies burst from your

[1:30:05] chest okay so thanks for

[1:30:06] playing here's this home

[1:30:07] game it's called loser the

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:09] game is there a resale

[1:30:11] value on this thing zero

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:12] dollars to pay someone to

[1:30:14] take it actually now here's

[1:30:15] the thing here's what

[1:30:16] would happen in what i'm

[1:30:17] going to call uh alien

[1:30:19] six uh sentimental aliens

[1:30:22] sentimental spelled s-c-e-n-t

[1:30:24] dash immortal and that a

[1:30:28] the face hugger escapes from

[1:30:29] the egg but then some white

[1:30:31] paint falls on its back and

[1:30:33] that and peppy lebeau thinks

[1:30:34] that face hugger is a

[1:30:35] beautiful lady skunk and he

[1:30:37] is trying to fuck it yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:30:40] well of course he is yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:41] because he's peppy lebeau he's

[1:30:42] he's a he's a rapist uh

Dan McCoy

[1:30:45] okay what a great note to end

[1:30:47] on that segment uh it's

[1:30:49] recommendations time it's

[1:30:50] recommendations my

[1:30:51] recommendation is called for

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:52] sentimental reasons the first

[1:30:53] peppy lebeau cartoon okay now

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:55] peppy lebeau is a sentimental

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:57] spell uh s-c-e-n-t dash

[1:30:59] immortal now in this cartoon we

[1:31:03] see peppy lebeau not punished

[1:31:05] for his actions which leads to

[1:31:06] future cartoons because he

[1:31:08] learns this is just how male

[1:31:09] skunks are expected to behave

[1:31:10] uh-huh and he's european so

[1:31:13] people kind of give him a pass

[1:31:14] yeah because he's got an

[1:31:15] accent people like it's

[1:31:16] charming come on remember the

[1:31:17] movie french kiss and they are

[1:31:21] then other people like no i

[1:31:22] don't remember that movie

[1:31:23] uh that's kevin klein in it

Dan McCoy

[1:31:25] yeah um so recommendations of

[1:31:28] movies that we've seen

[1:31:30] recently or not that we

[1:31:32] recommend instead of watching

[1:31:34] a dog's purpose you know what

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:35] we're not all haters no we

[1:31:37] love things too dan here's a

[1:31:38] here's an editorial note when

[1:31:40] you say movies we've seen

[1:31:41] recently or not you could just

[1:31:42] say movies well i just i'm

[1:31:45] making i'm trying to indicate

Dan McCoy

[1:31:47] that we these are usually movies

[1:31:50] that we've watched recently

[1:31:51] but not always yeah sometimes

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:53] we just don't see a movie we

[1:31:54] liked that much in the time

[1:31:55] between episodes yeah but i

[1:31:57] did but dan you go first uh i'm

Dan McCoy

[1:31:59] gonna recommend a movie that

[1:32:01] definitely needs all the help

[1:32:02] it can get yeah it is certainly

[1:32:04] not a worldwide box office smash

[1:32:07] is it jaws and it's not a movie

[1:32:09] that i'm recommending just

[1:32:10] because it's the only other movie

[1:32:11] that i've seen making sense in

[1:32:13] between times is it castle

[1:32:15] freak and that is guardians of

[1:32:18] the galaxy 2 volume 2 which i

[1:32:21] enjoyed hope to see that

[1:32:22] quite a bit it was uh i enjoyed

[1:32:26] it almost as much if not as much

[1:32:29] as the first version of that

[1:32:31] movie the first version of that

[1:32:33] movie is this a remake already

[1:32:35] uh the first installment of that

[1:32:37] series uh i here's what i say

[1:32:40] about the guardians movies they

[1:32:42] actually make me feel a little bit

[1:32:44] more than the other marvel movies

[1:32:48] like i watch marvel movies more

[1:32:49] than iron man 3 i watch marvel

[1:32:52] movies and i'm like i'm talking

[1:32:54] shit about iron man 3 dude i'm

[1:32:56] didn't like it i watch these

[1:32:58] movies and i'm an adventure in a

[1:32:59] fucking loading down it's not what

[1:33:01] i wanted from an iron man movie

[1:33:02] i'm saying is i watch these movies

[1:33:04] and i feel like the emotions of

[1:33:07] thrills okay i feel some laughter

[1:33:11] chills but i don't actually feel

[1:33:13] like what about automobiles i don't

[1:33:17] feel any like actual pathos or

[1:33:22] uh empathy or engagement with the

[1:33:26] characters really that other ones

[1:33:28] you're saying any of the other ones

[1:33:29] but guardians of the galaxy like i

[1:33:31] find that i actually have emotional

[1:33:34] reactions to these these films that

[1:33:37] uh as silly as they are and they're

[1:33:39] they work very hard to be irreverent

[1:33:41] also at the end of guardians 2 i

[1:33:44] found myself uh like i've been

[1:33:47] taking on an emotional journey there

[1:33:49] was not tell me what happens i'm

[1:33:50] not telling you or at the end what i

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:52] will tell you i already know too

[1:33:53] much about new characters michael

[1:33:56] rooker is really great okay yeah

[1:33:57] you have to tell me that i just

[1:33:59] assume it come on this fucking movie

[1:34:00] features a cliffhanger fucking

[1:34:02] reunion is amazing yeah that's pretty

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:05] nice worth making the film for and a

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:08] tangling cash reunion right and it

[1:34:11] kind of i mean they're not in the

[1:34:12] same same movie they're not in the

[1:34:14] same that's disappointing man michael

[1:34:16] rooker's great the best part about

[1:34:18] seeing that movie with my wife is me

[1:34:20] afterwards me being like man michael

[1:34:22] rooker's so great and my wife's like

[1:34:23] what movies is in and i started

[1:34:25] listing movies and she had not seen a

[1:34:27] single one yeah she's not a big henry

Dan McCoy

[1:34:30] fan did she like him in this movie uh

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:33] yeah she liked him a lot okay my the

[1:34:36] the guardians movies are definitely

[1:34:38] uh charlene's favorite marvel property

[1:34:42] i think mine is still i still like the

[1:34:44] captain america movies the most i think

[1:34:46] it's because every time that chris

[1:34:47] evans does stuff i'm like oh man what a

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:49] great guy now are we talking about just

[1:34:51] marvel studios movies or any marvel

Dan McCoy

[1:34:54] character that's what i'm doing right

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:55] now okay what would you say if it was

Dan McCoy

[1:34:57] only any marvel character well spider-man

[1:35:00] and specifically spider-man 2

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:02] yeah great which is great that's still

[1:35:04] my favorite superhero movie that movie

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:06] features my favorite thing in a

[1:35:07] superhero movie when peter parker

[1:35:09] doesn't have powers and he walks past a

[1:35:11] alleyway where some guy's getting mugged

Dan McCoy

[1:35:12] up a guy and the guy just goes

[1:35:14] hey help he just keeps on walking

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:17] that movie is one speech too long but

[1:35:21] otherwise that's a movie where i

[1:35:23] genuinely like there's a there's a

[1:35:25] couple scenes in that movie that i find

[1:35:27] so beautiful on like an emotional and

[1:35:30] an allegorical level that it's i don't

[1:35:33] think it's a match for me after watching

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:35] that movie part of it's like okay

[1:35:37] somebody figured out how to do

[1:35:38] superhero movies we don't ever have to

[1:35:40] do them again yeah kind of certainly we

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:42] don't have to make although i liked a

[1:35:44] lot of spider-man 3 i have to say but

[1:35:45] they didn't have to make it i like all

Dan McCoy

[1:35:47] the marvel movies just fine but like

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:49] they they don't necessarily fulfill a

[1:35:53] they don't like fill a void that was

[1:35:54] not existent i like i feel weird saying

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:58] this i've been thinking about a lot

[1:35:59] lately that like i'm kind of sated by

[1:36:03] the by there's more there's more

[1:36:05] marvel entertainment content available

[1:36:07] now than i have an appetite for which

[1:36:10] has never been the case in my entire

[1:36:12] life before this we're like there's so

[1:36:14] many marvel tv shows and so many

[1:36:16] marvel movies and still their comics and

[1:36:18] it's like you know what world you're

[1:36:20] just producing more marvel stuff than i

[1:36:22] need you've been reading the comics

[1:36:24] pretty steadily though right i mean i'm

[1:36:27] behind at this point because i don't

[1:36:28] have the time to read them as much but

[1:36:30] i've been reading marvel comics for

[1:36:31] over 20 years straight 25 years

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:33] straight you know i mean i kind of gave

[1:36:35] up on marvel comics in like high school

[1:36:38] so the movies at this point fill that

[1:36:41] void for me of like oh i can see like

[1:36:43] two to three of these movies a year i

[1:36:46] think i'm moving towards that that's

[1:36:47] two two hours in a at a time like even

[1:36:50] if it's a little longer i don't really

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:51] give a shit especially though as the

[1:36:53] movies are moving into this new phase

[1:36:54] where they're not introducing the

[1:36:57] characters as much so i don't have to

[1:36:59] sit through like i started watching

[1:37:01] doctor strange and i just couldn't sit

[1:37:03] through it because i was like maybe

[1:37:05] i'll skip an hour into the movie i was

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:07] like watching the movie and you're like

[1:37:08] this movie has the best cast of any of

[1:37:10] these movies i am dead inside and don't

[1:37:13] want to watch this movie anymore because

[1:37:14] mads mickelson and scott adkins well no

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:16] scenes together it was like it was like

[1:37:18] i don't need to see another character

[1:37:20] discover that there's a larger world of

[1:37:22] mystery and and fantasy outside of his

[1:37:25] little life it was like movie did it

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:26] pretty did it fast enough that i didn't

[1:37:29] i wasn't too bothered by it yeah i'll

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:31] give it another shot it's this is

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:32] entirely like doctor strange ain't my

[1:37:34] favorite movie or nothing but i thought

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:35] it was this is entirely a fault with

[1:37:37] not with the movie just in my this is

[1:37:40] just me accepting the movie at this

[1:37:41] point in my life but i like that when

[1:37:43] i go see gardens of the galaxy 2 i'm

[1:37:45] not gonna have to deal with a lot of

[1:37:46] like who's this guy time for me to

[1:37:48] show you my power what aliens exist any

[1:37:51] of that stuff

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:52] why is beast hanging upside down in this

[1:37:53] scene

[1:37:54] kelsey grammar is all furry now

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:57] so stewart what movie you're gonna

[1:38:00] recommend

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:00] gotg2 i'm gonna recommend a movie that

[1:38:04] uh a buddy of mine will uh recommended

[1:38:07] it's a will arnett so this is this is a

[1:38:12] movie that i i i gotta do a little bit

[1:38:14] of a qualification at the beginning

[1:38:16] because there's a movie called hounds of

[1:38:18] love it's in theaters right now and it's

[1:38:20] on demand based on the kate bush album

[1:38:22] um and it's a uh i don't know i think i

[1:38:27] may just be going through a weird phase

[1:38:28] lately where a lot of the media i take

[1:38:30] in uh features a lot of violence against

[1:38:33] women and a lot of sexual violence or

Dan McCoy

[1:38:36] maybe it's just wait it's a weird thing

[1:38:38] to say like you're going through a weird

[1:38:41] thing right now where that's what no i'm

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:43] just saying like maybe i just hit a patch

[1:38:45] where like i'm watching the handmade and

[1:38:47] then watching fucking room the other day

[1:38:49] it's very much it's very much a thread

[1:38:52] that's running through a lot of movies and

[1:38:53] tv shows now

[1:38:54] i mean on one hand like like i understand

[1:38:57] like it's a fucking i don't know i don't

[1:38:59] want to put myself in a weird position or

[1:39:01] anything but like

[1:39:02] um i mean it's just the sort of thing

[1:39:04] where it's like if every piece of media i

[1:39:07] take in features like by like that kind of

[1:39:11] violence and like sexual violence as a

[1:39:14] common thread it's it's soul crushing

[1:39:16] reasonably so

[1:39:18] but um i do want to recommend this movie

[1:39:22] hounds of love it's a uh it's an

[1:39:26] australian thriller fairly uh it's a

[1:39:30] debut movie from a director i believe the

[1:39:33] director is a guy named ben young

[1:39:34] um and it's loosely based on a

[1:39:38] couple in australia in the 80s who were

[1:39:42] abducting women uh young women abusing

[1:39:46] them and then killing them and the movie

[1:39:50] deals with uh i feel like despite the fact

[1:39:54] that it's uh i believe it's a male

[1:39:56] director um it's it it focuses on the women

[1:40:01] involved in this process whether it's a

[1:40:03] woman who's abducted

[1:40:04] her recently divorced mother or specifically

[1:40:08] the woman that is in this relationship with

[1:40:11] a partner who are going through the the like

[1:40:15] the the process of abducting and killing

[1:40:17] women uh it focuses on these women and

[1:40:20] their abusive relationships and it's uh it's

[1:40:25] not an easy watch in any way uh but if you are

[1:40:29] willing to put yourself uh kind of through a

[1:40:31] difficult experience i think it's worthwhile like

[1:40:34] it's beautifully shot a lot of the more uh a lot it a

[1:40:38] lot of the more violent parts and a lot of the more

[1:40:40] uh difficult to watch stuff is off screen you don't

[1:40:44] actually see it um and the performance from i don't

[1:40:49] remember a name like uh but the woman who plays the uh

[1:40:54] the the the partner in the the serial killer relationship

[1:40:57] gives such like an amazing performance that i we've

[1:41:03] already we already mentioned henry porter the serial killer but i feel like

[1:41:06] it's michael rooker level like chilling and i don't want to say

[1:41:12] sympathetic because that's not how it is but uh it's like

[1:41:15] humanizing and it's a great performance so hounds of love

[1:41:19] uh if you're looking for something that's going to be a little difficult to

[1:41:23] watch check it out i'm going to wreck a movie

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:26] recommend a movie that is not difficult to watch and it's called a dog's purpose

[1:41:31] oh really no it's kind of a difficult thing to watch

[1:41:34] actually it was pretty boring uh i'm gonna recommend a movie that i watched

[1:41:37] recently and that i liked and that's uh a movie called 20th century women by my

[1:41:43] directed and written by mike mills who also did the movie beginners which i

[1:41:45] liked and uh beginners was very much mike mills

[1:41:49] making a movie about his dad i guess this is more a movie about his mom and stars

[1:41:54] annette benning and al fanning and greta gerwig and billy crudup and some kid

[1:41:58] and it is about a guy growing up as a teen in the late 70s uh with an older mom

[1:42:05] who is single who runs this crazy house that has a bunch of people staying there who are all kind

[1:42:11] of dealing with their things yeah and uh it's a movie that at times is a little

[1:42:17] chewy but i really liked the relationships between the characters

[1:42:23] uh precious you know a little too precious at times uh but everything looks amazing in it

[1:42:31] it's a fantastically shot movie and it's got that california light

[1:42:34] that is very seems very specific to the area it's set in

[1:42:38] uh which i'm looking forward to enjoying now that i'm gonna be living in california

[1:42:42] and at the same bragging and also uh

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:45] has a lot of fun he's just overcompensating about leaving his beloved new york

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:51] i am it's on it's um it's upsetting to me and has a lot of great fucking shitty bagels

[1:42:56] with avocados on them look it has a lot of great uh late 70s kind of punk

[1:43:00] and art rock and affiliated rock songs on the soundtrack and i really liked a lot i thought

[1:43:05] it was really good 20th century women about a young boy and the women in his life

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:09] all right hey we talked about a thing yeah we definitely talked about a thing and taped it

Dan McCoy

[1:43:17] so i guess mission accomplished right yeah yeah i mean we did what we set out to do

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:24] i apologize that i recommended 20th century women we're really going out with a wimp or not a bang

[1:43:28] it seems it really took the really took the air out of the room by recommending a movie i liked a lot

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:32] i got this mission accomplished banner let me should i just hang it on the wall

Dan McCoy

[1:43:36] sure okay put on a helmet okay yeah you might want to look like a tough boy

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:40] yeah tough boy

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:42] sounds like a really low rent horn mag tough boys or just tough boy yeah um it's all nude guys with

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:52] one helmet on they just share the helmet i talked about that book uh my ex-girlfriend's sister

[1:43:57] took from the vanish vanity publisher called pig boys right no yeah she worked for this vanity publisher

[1:44:04] and this priest uh published this a couple of copies of this book of photos of boys just like

[1:44:13] dude like young dudes just like playing around the mud and shit okay it's called pig boys and the

[1:44:20] idea was that like there's a definition up front where it's just like pig boys are or boys are just

[1:44:25] like having fun and like getting a little bit dirty uh but the apparently the guy didn't realize well

[1:44:32] when pressed didn't believe that it was sexual in nature but it was super weird the guy who made the

[1:44:39] book made the book my my girlfriend's my ex-girlfriend's sister kept a copy of the book because it was

[1:44:45] insane like it feels like the sort of thing where like uh ice tea would show up and be like would use

[1:44:54] it as evidence in a few in in a law and order in a svu i mean i guess on that note we should sign off

Dan McCoy

[1:45:02] uh for the flop outs i've been dan mccoy hey i'm stewart wellington keep listening don't unsubscribe

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:09] and i'm kind of curious about the pig boy lifestyle right now i'm elliot kalen good night everyone

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:17] do you need me to tell you the actual title no no i got it was it a dog's purpose or it was not the

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:28] dog's purpose right a dog a dog's person person purses purses a dog's perseus what if all the greek

[1:45:35] mythical logical characters were dogs i think it would go a little something like this

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:40] it's me i will come unto you like a shower of gold it's me barkicles

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:47] terrible and i'm the i'm the god of the sea psei dog i love to dog paddle after balls that are

[1:45:58] floating in the water and bring them back yep all right uh it's me god of the underworld hey dogs

[1:46:04] yep it's me afro dog tea here's cerberus my three-headed human that guards the gates of my realm

Dan McCoy

[1:46:12] maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep.#232 - A Dog's Purpose

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