Ep.#233 - The Comedian

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss The Comedian.

[0:04] What's the deal with airline food? Am I right?

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:34] Hey, what's going on, Dan? I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] Hey, Dan and Stu. I'm Elliot Kalin. And hey, get this, get this.

[0:42] I didn't see you over there, Elliot.

[0:46] Hey, you talking to me? Who am I? Who am I?

[0:50] You talking to me? Hey, I'm a young Don Corleone.

[0:54] You're my friend Elliot. No, no, who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

[0:58] I'm a fan. You're my friend Elliot, who I've known for like a decade.

[1:02] Who am I? Who am I? Hey guys, bang the drums slowly.

[1:06] It's one of his first breakout roles.

[1:10] Who am I? Who am I? You're in Bronxdale.

[1:14] Heat. You feeling hot?

[1:18] The Last Tycoon. Buster Poindexter.

[1:22] Stuart, you guess. Who am I? The Last Tycoon.

[1:26] Hey, I'm meeting my new son-in-law. I'm the parent.

[1:30] And he's meeting me. And now I'm going to meet the fuckers.

[1:34] But I think I got to the destination. Okay, so who am I?

[1:38] You're Bobby D, Robert De Niro. That's right. Thanks for picking up the slack.

[1:42] Dan, do you know what impressions are?

[1:46] I was doing some pretty spot-on Robert De Niro impressions.

[1:50] Impressionists were a group of French artists mostly who used

[1:54] globs of painting. Globs of painting? Globs of painting.

[1:58] To make their paintings.

[2:02] Oh boy. Can I take your History of Western Art course, Dan?

[2:06] Sure. It's mostly old playboys.

[2:10] Students, please turn to

[2:14] the turn-ons and turn-offs of May 1974.

[2:18] Let me direct your attention to National Lampoon Magazine,

[2:22] the magazine that proved you can have a boner and laugh at the same time.

[2:26] Now, Dan, I really want to see you

[2:30] lecturing about playboy and you're like, as we can see here,

[2:34] these models are truly as the cover promises, wet and wild.

[2:38] Turning to the next example.

[2:42] Now, whether or not these models have a college degree,

[2:46] as is suggested by the girls of the

[2:50] colleges designation.

[2:54] Girls of the Southern Colleges.

[2:58] I mean, they're still in school at this point, right?

[3:02] That's part of the attraction. I guess so.

[3:06] So they don't have a degree at all, Dan.

[3:10] What if they're in their school for their graduate degree?

[3:14] You're saying that part of the attraction is that they're working for their education.

[3:18] Part of what's sexy about them is that they're not yet

[3:22] these kind of like conformist, fully formed, like

[3:26] I am just a worker and I have my career.

[3:30] Try my brand of fancy vodka.

[3:34] They're at this point in their lives when like

[3:38] the future is ahead of them. They can take any path and they're learning about

[3:42] the great thinkers and thoughts of Western and Eastern

[3:46] civilization. Frankly, Dan, why should it just be this Eurocentric

[3:50] crisis of the West type syllabus when there's

[3:54] so much thought coming out of, say, China or the African

[3:58] nations, India, that they could easily find to open

[4:02] their minds and open their lives so that when they take off their clothes in front of

[4:06] a photographer for it to be airbrushed later for the profiteering

[4:10] of an old man who takes pills so that he can have sex with four blonde women

[4:14] who are not enjoying themselves at once in a smelly, run-down old house?

[4:18] Why that they won't need something?

[4:22] If a model wants to subscribe to the Taoist principle of the uncarved

[4:26] block, I say, great, go for it.

[4:30] This has been a gross way to start this episode.

[4:34] Hey guys, let me just throw a flag on this play.

[4:38] This is officially a no bozo zone.

[4:42] So we were being bozos before, now it's a no bozo zone.

[4:46] I apologize for our bozosity.

[4:50] Dan, what do we do on this podcast aside from being bozos and then feel bad about our bozoness?

[4:54] It's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:58] And tonight we watched a movie that made me angry.

[5:02] Not hangry. I had a nice meal.

[5:06] It didn't take your food away.

[5:10] The anger remained, however.

[5:14] We watched a movie called The Comedian.

[5:18] This is the movie which manages to reunite Robert De Niro

[5:22] with both his Mean Streets co-star Harvey Keitel and his Analyze This co-star

[5:26] Billy Crystal.

[5:30] If you're listening to this podcast and you saw the title of the episode

[5:34] and you're like, The Comedian, huh? This must be like one of those WTF

[5:38] with Marc Maron episodes. It is not. This is a movie starring Robert De Niro.

[5:42] Except, Dan, you were going to talk about your cat and some out-of-town shows you played

[5:46] for about ten minutes, right?

[5:50] And just some general grousing and talk about my therapy.

[5:54] Tell us about Stamps.com. And let me just press the 15-second skip forward button

[5:58] a hundred times so I can get through it.

[6:02] And we're done. Great. Now we're into your extremely interesting interview

[6:06] with Stevie Van Sant.

[6:10] What was it like making The Sopranos?

[6:14] You didn't train as an actor.

[6:18] Incorrect.

[6:22] So The Comedian, what kind of movie would you say this is? A comedy?

[6:26] I'd call it a dramedy. Because the title makes me think it's going to be a comedy.

[6:30] I would say it's a serial comic.

[6:34] Yeah. It's a serial comic.

[6:38] Like, you know, the Cocoa Puffs guy.

[6:42] Really funny. Super funny guy.

[6:46] Have you seen his Showtime special?

[6:50] Inside the Cuckoo Mines of the Cocoa Puffs guy.

[6:54] Inside the Cuckoo Mines.

[6:58] That's the Bird Fellow, right?

[7:02] Do you think there's some kind of... Okay, get this, guys.

[7:06] Get this, guys. Maybe they do. I don't know.

[7:10] There's a club for bird comedians.

[7:14] Sam hangs out there, the Cocoa Puffs cuckoo, and it's called the Flyers Club.

[7:18] Shit, that's amazing.

[7:22] I guess we can just shut it down now?

[7:26] I think we achieved our work on this earthly plane. Lord, take us?

[7:30] Lord, take all my earthly possessions so I can

[7:34] dedicate the rest of my life to building the Flyers Club.

[7:38] So, the comedian

[7:42] attempted a comedy. Those got some dramatic elements.

[7:46] The reason this movie seemed irresistible to us,

[7:50] we have to give a tip of the hat to one Nathan Raven,

[7:54] who wrote about it on his website.

[7:58] Even his description of it, in many ways, failed to prepare me for the movie that we were about to see.

[8:02] And how... what a

[8:06] meandering piece of unfunny work it is.

[8:10] Oh, what an unfunny piece of work is, man. How ignoble and...

[8:14] I don't know how it goes.

[8:18] I'm sorry for talking over you, Dan.

[8:22] I had a rough day.

[8:26] I spent most of the day putting up blinds and

[8:30] hanging some drapes, and I just...

[8:34] The windows are taken care of. The rest of the apartment is a mess.

[8:38] He lives in the Peeping Tom district.

[8:42] When I picked up that power drill and I wrapped my

[8:46] fingies around it, I'm just like, more power,

[8:50] am I right?

[8:54] Oh, that's how it goes.

[8:58] That's how Jim Allen's catchphrase goes.

[9:02] Let's talk about The Comedian, a movie that stars Robert De Niro as the

[9:06] titular comedian. And now this is... here's something I want to get

[9:10] off of my chest right away. It's a spider.

[9:14] It's on me now. Here's something I want to get off my chest right away. I love comedy.

[9:18] I love stand-up comedy. I think there may be few things I find less

[9:22] entertaining in a movie than scenes of people performing stand-up comedy.

[9:26] You don't like it when they run through a montage of

[9:30] stand-ups doing three seconds of material to wild

[9:34] applause from the audience and orgasmic response?

[9:38] I think maybe that's it, is that you just get

[9:42] a snippet of a joke, not even a whole joke a lot of the time, and

[9:46] then they cut to an audience response that is

[9:50] rarely connected to what you've just seen in the movie we watched

[9:54] Mother's Day a few episodes ago. It was a similar thing where people were performing stand-up comedy and the

[9:58] audience would just be... I guess the director...

[10:00] Just told them, like, laugh big.

[10:01] This is the funniest thing you've ever seen.

[10:03] And they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[10:07] To every joke.

[10:08] Not every joke is meant to elicit that kind of laugh.

[10:11] It's like you're in Cape Fear trying to annoy.

[10:14] Another Robert De Niro movie.

[10:15] Look, I'd just like to imagine, what

[10:17] would Burl Ives sound like if he thought

[10:18] something was really funny?

[10:20] And he was also Santa.

[10:22] So can you think of a movie that has?

[10:23] A good way to get another Robert De Niro movie in there.

[10:25] Let's see if we can get some more in here.

[10:26] Thanks, buddy.

[10:27] I know, Dan, you have something on the tip of your tongue.

[10:29] What is a movie with a great stand-up performance in it?

[10:35] Don't say Eddie Murphy delirious,

[10:37] because that's a whole stand-up movie.

[10:42] You know, there was that movie, Chucklers.

[10:47] I think you're making that one up.

[10:49] OK.

[10:50] Laffy Taffy.

[10:51] No, that's a candy.

[10:53] What was that movie where Julie Kavner became a stand-up comic?

[10:56] Jokesies.

[10:58] Julie Kavner.

[11:00] Dan Aykroyd's in it, too, I think.

[11:01] I don't know that one.

[11:02] I think I remember liking the stand-up bits in Obvious Child.

[11:06] OK, I'll give you that.

[11:07] I feel like in Obvious Child, those stand-up scenes

[11:10] feel like you're actually watching a stand-up act.

[11:12] Yeah, and it also feels kind of, if I remember correctly,

[11:15] it feels like it was tied to the events of the film.

[11:18] Yes.

[11:19] It felt a little more organic.

[11:21] And also, they kind of, I think, have the laughs underplay

[11:25] a little bit.

[11:26] Like genuinely funny jokes, kind of a little bit

[11:28] of a response, which I'll totally

[11:31] accept much more than a movie.

[11:33] I'd much rather the movie air in that direction.

[11:35] Yeah, you'll allow it.

[11:37] Because in this movie, Robert De Niro

[11:39] plays a comedian who is not funny at all.

[11:43] But if you were a member of any of the audiences in the movie,

[11:46] you are watching.

[11:47] It's kind of like a roast comedian, right?

[11:49] Yeah, he's like kind of a filthy,

[11:50] just kind of like complains about everything.

[11:52] Yeah, roasty.

[11:55] It's not like he's doing like storytelling or slice of life.

[11:57] It's always like talking about being old

[12:00] and having your balls dragged along the ground and shit.

[12:02] Yeah, it's not even like observational.

[12:03] It's like, let me tell you, marriage.

[12:05] Oh boy, hope you like getting fucked,

[12:08] or some kind of stupid thing.

[12:11] There's one funny joke in the whole movie,

[12:13] in terms of a stand-up act.

[12:14] Stuart was out of the room when it happened.

[12:16] And Dan and I both laughed at it.

[12:18] Where Robert De Niro, and this will not

[12:20] make sense in context either, is he's

[12:22] at his brother Danny DeVito's daughter's wedding.

[12:26] His daughter is a lesbian.

[12:27] And she's getting married in an incredibly over-the-top

[12:30] lavish Jewish wedding.

[12:32] I guess it's not incredibly over-the-top lavish,

[12:34] but it's just like everything's super glossy.

[12:37] But it's at one of those like big Brooklyn Queens wedding

[12:40] halls.

[12:40] And it's like the Grand Prospect Hall.

[12:43] They're making their dreams come true.

[12:45] Yeah, yeah, it's an event hall.

[12:48] And he gets up to his niece, who loves his comedy,

[12:53] says like, you've got to go up there.

[12:54] His name's Jackie Burke.

[12:55] Jackie, you've got to go up there and talk.

[12:57] And he goes up and starts doing his act.

[12:59] And he's sitting between, he's standing

[13:01] between these two enormous chairs

[13:03] that the bride and bride were sitting in.

[13:05] And he just kind of goes like, these chairs aren't big enough.

[13:09] And that was by far the funniest joke in the whole movie.

[13:13] But anyway.

[13:14] You know what, it was funny because it was true.

[13:17] It was very, I mean, it was not.

[13:19] Those were very big chairs.

[13:20] It was the only time in the movie

[13:22] you felt like a comedian was observing

[13:24] a real thing that was absurd and commenting on it in a way that

[13:27] was not like.

[13:27] We all understand what big chairs are like.

[13:29] Yeah, and commenting on it in a way

[13:31] that was not over-the-top like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[13:35] Like, anyway.

[13:36] Elliot, you're gesturing a lot.

[13:38] And it's making me uncomfortable.

[13:39] And the audience can't see it anyway,

[13:40] I realized halfway through my gesture.

[13:43] But let's talk about the plot.

[13:44] So Robert De Niro plays Jackie.

[13:46] We have to.

[13:47] We have to still.

[13:48] Oh!

[13:49] Oh, yeah, that's the kind of joke they do in the movie.

[13:51] Plays Jackie Burke, an aging comedian.

[13:54] He's Robert De Niro.

[13:54] He's not playing a young up-and-coming comedian.

[13:56] The man's in his 70s, I think.

[13:58] Maybe he's just his late 60s.

[14:00] Dan, how old is Robert De Niro?

[14:01] Just guess off the top of your head.

[14:03] 412.

[14:04] I mean, he's probably, yeah.

[14:06] He's fucking cut, though, right?

[14:07] Like, he's in good shape.

[14:09] Well, he actually is in pretty good shape for his age.

[14:11] He's popping up and down like, I wish I could do that now.

[14:13] No, no, no, I mean, he's energetic.

[14:14] But he has a punch.

[14:16] No, but he's in good shape for his age.

[14:18] He's nimble, dude.

[14:20] No, he is nimble.

[14:21] That's true.

[14:22] He just jumped over a candlestick.

[14:24] Is that where you're going with that?

[14:25] Yes, that's exactly where I was going, Dan.

[14:27] So thanks a lot for stealing my Jack B. Nimble joke.

[14:34] Jackie B. Nimble.

[14:35] He plays Jackie B. Nimble, a comedian whose big act

[14:38] involves being quick and jumping over a candlestick.

[14:42] And he has a rivalry with fellow kid nursery-run comedian

[14:46] Jackie Horner, who sits in a corner eating a pudding and pie.

[14:50] He puts in his thumb and pulls out a plum,

[14:52] and his punchline, he says, what a good boy am I.

[14:54] The audience says, eat it up, just like he eats up that plum.

[14:57] Jack Spratt, he has a duo.

[14:59] It's a comedy duo, yeah.

[15:01] One of them, get this, is super fat.

[15:04] No.

[15:05] And she can eat no lean.

[15:08] But Jack, he's super thin.

[15:11] OK.

[15:12] And he can eat no fat.

[15:13] Oh, that's pretty good.

[15:14] But between the two of them, get this,

[15:17] they look to platter clean.

[15:19] Well, there's also this trapeze act.

[15:21] Brother and sister, Jack and Jill, they go up a hill.

[15:24] The story is they're fetching a pail of water.

[15:26] Then Jack falls down.

[15:27] It's a tumbling duo.

[15:28] And Jill falls after.

[15:30] Crowns are broken.

[15:31] Hearts sore.

[15:33] And phony bones are tickled.

[15:35] Yeah, is this all one show?

[15:37] It's a huge show.

[15:38] It was a benefit for Mr. Kite, I believe.

[15:40] You'd be surprised.

[15:43] Little Miss Muffet can do what they're tough at.

[15:45] You know what I mean?

[15:46] That's more of a, like, that's the kind of show

[15:49] that sailors go to on shore leave in Havana.

[15:55] Anyway, he's Jackie Burke.

[15:56] He's an aging comedian who, in the 80s,

[15:59] played a kind of like Al Bundy type, like, not PC dad.

[16:04] Yeah.

[16:04] On a show called Eddie's Home.

[16:06] It looked like maybe it was like, yeah, it was either,

[16:10] yeah, a, fuck, what, Married With Children,

[16:13] or it was like a Norman Lear style comedy.

[16:16] It looked like they were trying to have it kind of both ways.

[16:18] Yeah.

[16:19] But, I mean, Married With Children,

[16:21] I mean, Al Bundy is essentially,

[16:25] now I can't remember, Carol Conner in All the Family.

[16:29] What's his character's name?

[16:29] With less.

[16:30] No, but what's his character's name?

[16:32] Archie Bunker.

[16:33] Thank you.

[16:34] Oh, that's who you named your cat after.

[16:35] So anyway.

[16:36] No, no, no.

[16:37] Because you agreed with his politics.

[16:38] He's essentially like a non-politically-relevant

[16:40] Archie Bunker.

[16:42] Yeah, and I mean, like, grosser.

[16:44] A much, I mean, like, he'd get away with more.

[16:46] He's flushing toilets, he's sticking his hand in his pants.

[16:49] He's always no ma'aming it,

[16:51] founding the Church of No Ma'am.

[16:52] Now, one of the things that bugs me,

[16:55] and my wife and I talk about.

[16:58] This bunny, I'm just trying to kill him with my rifle,

[17:01] and he's bugging me.

[17:03] Luckily, sometimes this duck comes along

[17:05] and convinces me to shoot him in the face.

[17:07] In the first season of Married With Children,

[17:10] Kelly Bundy was just a slut.

[17:13] Okay.

[17:14] But in the second season.

[17:15] I don't like the terminology.

[17:16] But like, that's how they like, I mean,

[17:18] that's obviously shorthand.

[17:20] Yeah, it stands for sexually libidinous,

[17:24] underwhelming talent.

[17:25] Wow.

[17:27] Which is strange, because she's actually very talented.

[17:28] She is very talented.

[17:29] In the second season and onward, they made her dumb.

[17:34] She wasn't dumb at first, which is like.

[17:37] Well, it's like a lot of, I mean, it is.

[17:40] It took at least some of the onus away from her.

[17:42] Like if she was.

[17:43] She doesn't know any better.

[17:45] That was the kind of the thing they were doing.

[17:47] She's like a character out of like a Playboy cartoon,

[17:50] or who's just kind of falling into bed

[17:52] and is constantly being tricked by horny old men.

[17:54] She doesn't know any better.

[17:55] Or out of a rippled Henry Fielding novel.

[18:00] Thanks for classing it up, Dan.

[18:02] But it's also something that happens in sitcoms

[18:04] is the characters kind of get dumber over time.

[18:06] Like Homer Simpson at this point,

[18:07] I don't know how he can breathe.

[18:09] And you look even at like a show like Arrested Development,

[18:13] the characters got pretty dumb in the fourth season.

[18:16] Like Archer, the characters got fairly dumb

[18:19] as the show went on.

[18:21] The characters can never grow or the show ends.

[18:24] So they just got, but you have to justify them

[18:26] not changing after years of the same problems.

[18:28] So they get stupider over time.

[18:30] Unless it's a show like Night Court,

[18:32] which just continues to be perfect

[18:33] from episode one to episode 100.

[18:36] Yeah.

[18:36] Everyone, a multifaceted jewel.

[18:41] It's truly the Eugene O'Neill of sitcoms.

[18:44] Anyway, because he wrote a couple episodes.

[18:46] Yeah.

[18:47] So, Jackie Burke, he was on this show, Eddie's Home.

[18:50] Is he really the Ed O'Neill star of Married With Children?

[18:53] Eugene O'Neill?

[18:54] Yeah.

[18:55] Probably not.

[18:57] But you never know, possibly.

[18:58] They're both real O'Neills, I don't know.

[19:01] And so it's hard for him to get out of the shadow

[19:04] of this character.

[19:05] He's struggling and his manager, Edie Falco,

[19:07] who's the daughter of his original manager.

[19:09] The daughter of a falcon.

[19:11] Sorry, go on.

[19:12] Her dad was recording star Falco.

[19:15] Yeah.

[19:15] Who did the song Rock Me Amadeus.

[19:17] Yeah, Austria's shining sun.

[19:21] Yeah, I agree with everything you're saying.

[19:22] I remember when he died and the king of Austria said,

[19:26] the sun has set on our fair duchy.

[19:29] And then Austria blacked out the sun

[19:33] over their entire nation.

[19:34] Yeah, they put a huge tarp over it.

[19:36] Yeah, they squirted Mozart kugel up into the sky

[19:40] and blacked out the sun.

[19:40] And that's what inspired the song Black Hole Sun.

[19:43] Oh, I thought you were gonna say

[19:43] that's what inspired the song

[19:45] Pass the Duchy on the left-hand side.

[19:49] Oh, okay.

[19:51] Is that it?

[19:52] Tuned out for a little while.

[19:55] I heard the word duchy and I, mm-hmm.

[19:57] Sure, anyway, Jackie, we're three seconds into the.

[20:00] movie uh... jackie burke is not very successful these days but

[20:04] he gets that he

[20:05] a a misfortune turns into fortune when the well he's performing in a very

[20:09] under attended all these show

[20:11] and outer boroughs coming credits

[20:14] there's tons of jazz in this movie to hate

[20:17] you know what makes me think about new york in the twenty first century in

[20:20] comedy and comedy

[20:21] jazz

[20:22] because you know who's the only comedian ever in history woody allen

[20:26] and so every comedian is just like him and they all love jazz and they're all

[20:30] old in new york

[20:31] right now the real jazz bows

[20:33] which i guess is what jazz is

[20:36] short for

[20:36] i don't know i just made that up

[20:38] racist? sounds vaguely racist. it sounds racist doesn't it? yeah it does. now i feel bad about saying it

[20:44] but it was just a bunch of gibberish that i came up with. sure it was dan, yeah gibberish hurts

[20:49] gibberish does hurt

[20:51] okay so

[20:53] i think that's the fucking summary of this dumb podcast. while he's, let me get through the

[20:58] first scene of the movie

[21:00] while he is uh...

[21:02] i guess the first scene is him just being on the way to this show

[21:05] uh... while he's performing a guy in the audience starts heckling him

[21:08] it turns out

[21:09] he and his wife have snuck in their own camera

[21:12] and they're recording a video podcast called

[21:15] stand-up takedown

[21:17] where they just go and heckle stand-up comedians. it doesn't seem sustainable

[21:21] you'd feel like word would pass around the new york stand-up community

[21:24] that these jerks are going around ruining acts and then putting the video

[21:28] up online

[21:29] at least it would be mentioned on like split cider

[21:32] or something like that. everyone's favorite comedy rag

[21:36] and jackie does not like this. he goes into the crowd

[21:39] gets into a physical scuffle with this man over the control of the microphone

[21:42] and hits the man in the face of the microphone to the point that blood is

[21:45] pouring out of the man's orifices. this is when he's performing that old-timers night

[21:49] where for some inexplicable reason there's a large bachelorette party

[21:54] yes, because that's what you find in comedy clubs

[21:56] uh... and it appears to be on a weeknight as well

[21:59] now i haven't... and it's raining

[22:01] yeah i haven't i haven't tread the boards guys as a stand-up

[22:05] but i would imagine that the club would be somewhat responsible for

[22:09] providing some level of security to prevent people from

[22:13] videotaping like a

[22:15] stand-up takedown

[22:17] uh... i would think so

[22:19] i would think that they would not... i mean

[22:20] it is a real problem for a lot of stand-ups that people go in and try to record the

[22:23] acts with their phones

[22:25] i've never heard of anyone recording a show where they're a heckler of real

[22:29] stand-up acts

[22:30] maybe it's one of those things where

[22:32] the solution doesn't exist until the problem exists

[22:34] look, they didn't have us take off our shoes before we got on planes

[22:37] before someone tried to blow up a plane with a shoe

[22:40] it was after

[22:42] now that we're all aware of stand-up takedown

[22:44] finally we can do something about it

[22:45] dan, what's your strategy? what's your solution?

[22:48] solution to a stand-up takedown? yes, it's ravaging the stand-up community

[22:53] full strip searches

[22:55] like one hundred percent... well dan, same solution to every problem

[22:59] dan, what do you say about the unfair consequences of globalization? it's

[23:04] hitting the country's hardest that need help the most

[23:06] probably it's full strip searches

[23:09] stewart, what were you going to say?

[23:10] i was going to say during the movie i remember dan just complaining that

[23:13] uh...

[23:14] you know, hard-working stand-up comedians can't play college campuses anymore

[23:18] dan, you said something about pc culture being out of control?

[23:22] i don't like you guys anymore

[23:25] uh... this movie is... and when we told you that wasn't cool you said told us to cut it out

[23:29] which is just stealing dave coulier's bit

[23:32] you say that but uh... this uh... a lot of jackie's uh... personality

[23:37] is that guy. that guy is like, oh i can't make these jokes anymore

[23:42] everyone is too sensitive these days. except he exists in a world where

[23:47] everyone loves those jokes. also they find it hilarious. they all find it hilarious.

[23:52] it's raw as hell, dude. yeah, it's real. it's real. he's speaking truth to power. he just sets

[23:56] flame all over the place, bro

[23:58] he's burning the system down

[24:01] uh... jackie has to go to court

[24:04] and when he refuses to apologize to the guy that he hit

[24:08] uh... for ruining his act

[24:09] he's sent to thirty days in jail. those thirty days

[24:12] pass pretty fast

[24:13] within a cut he's out of jail. we get a couple of shots of dudes butts

[24:17] yeah, taking a shower in a cell, which seemed weird. and soon he's out of jail

[24:23] his manager picks him up and he's very mad at her

[24:26] uh... and

[24:27] he has to do community service

[24:29] but before that he goes to a little deli

[24:31] run by his brother danny devito

[24:34] and his brother's wife

[24:35] uh... patty lupone

[24:36] and patty lupone does not like him and the viewer can sympathize because he is

[24:41] so far incredibly unlikable and does he ever do anything in the movie to make us

[24:44] like him, jan?

[24:46] uh... he eventually

[24:51] is nice to a child

[24:53] okay that's fair eventually

[24:55] there's another parallel. he asks for money from danny devito. he's having a hard time

[24:59] getting work

[25:00] at the same time we are introduced to a new character

[25:02] in a different scene, so not at the same exact time, but it's the same movie

[25:05] played by leslie mann

[25:07] thanks for specifying it's in the same movie

[25:09] leslie mann is a young lady whose life has gone on the wrong tracks she's had

[25:13] her own infractions of the law. it all started when she was born out of the wiener of harvey

[25:17] kytel. harvey kytel plays her dad who seems to be very wealthy

[25:21] but uh... i guess is he a gangster or something? i couldn't quite tell what he

[25:24] did. was he a bookie? was he a gambler? he was a model of

[25:29] uh...

[25:30] purple ties on black shirts. that's what he did for his living. sounds about right

[25:34] they don't have a great relationship and he thinks that she's made a mess of her

[25:37] life. apparently

[25:38] her boyfriend dumped her. she caught him in bed with another woman

[25:42] and so she threw things at them and hurt both of them

[25:44] and so now she does community service too

[25:46] and so... that sounds like one of those fake crimes that you want to invent where you're like

[25:51] i want to say somebody committed a crime but they did it for all the

[25:55] right reasons. yeah exactly.

[25:59] they did something wrong

[26:02] but wouldn't you have done the same thing in that sitch? this guy was in jail because he robbed a bank but it was because

[26:06] the bank was full of starving puppies that needed to be rescued. this guy stole

[26:12] a loaf of bread to feed his family

[26:14] and his name?

[26:15] uh... jean valjean. and it's up to me, javert, to catch him. have you seen him?

[26:21] it's been like years and i've not caught this dude. no, he's definitely not

[26:27] me in a mustache. because you look so much like him and i just thought you might be

[26:31] jean valjean. are you sure? no, that's another guy. back at the paris police station we have this board up

[26:36] where we have the crimes we haven't solved in red and the crimes we have solved in black

[26:40] my board just has this one name, jean valjean in red

[26:43] they won't even let me pick up other crimes until i solve this one and it's like

[26:46] guys it's been years. it's like all he stole was a loaf of bread. can i at least get

[26:50] like a murder on top of this too? it's like come on.

[26:53] if there's one thing i don't like it's delicious bread

[26:56] with it's crusty outside

[26:58] and it's chewy inside. you're right, bread's great. well if you think of anything else

[27:02] if you see jean valjean let me know

[27:04] here's my card

[27:05] uh... unless... wait a second. hold on.

[27:09] stewart. are you jean valjean?

[27:12] oh man!

[27:14] well do you guys know where he might be? guys, i actually haven't seen that play

[27:17] it's pretty miserable, right?

[27:20] ahhhhhh!

[27:27] that's stewart. that's

[27:29] called being a comedian. look it up. anyway, robert de niro and lesley mann are both

[27:34] doing community service at a homeless shelter at a church on thanksgiving

[27:39] and uh... here's where we learn that one

[27:41] robert de niro's character, jackie, cannot shut the fuck up

[27:46] he's doing thanksgiving-related shtick about having sex with turkeys

[27:50] just out loud to everybody in the room while he's serving people on a soup line

[27:54] and the homeless guys... he's not even writing any of these jokes down, like he's not working on his act

[27:59] he's just riffing dude

[28:00] he's a non-stop joke machine

[28:01] and the homeless guys

[28:03] being human beings who exist in the universe of this film

[28:06] love it

[28:07] they are eating it up even faster than they're eating up that turkey and gravy

[28:10] maybe the only hot meal they've had in weeks

[28:12] and this is maybe the only hot set they've heard in weeks

[28:16] and so he's... it's tough to get into the comedy cellar dude... and what to you or me might seem to be

[28:20] kind of a selfish act, him

[28:22] turning this community service thanksgiving line into his

[28:25] his impromptu audience which cannot leave because they literally are

[28:28] starving for what they're receiving at the moment and so are forced to listen

[28:32] to his unfunny routine

[28:34] it's almost like the real community service he's doing is delivering

[28:37] something that makes them laugh

[28:39] but anyway he and Leslie Mann have a meet cute where... he's like a Patch Adams

[28:42] yeah exactly

[28:44] they have a meet cute where he is trying to get a voucher signed and here's her

[28:48] on the phone complaining about somebody yeah and uh... here's i think

[28:52] I'm gonna pinpoint one of the problems with the movie

[28:55] now Dan if you could name two problems with this movie what would they be and I'll tell you what my big problem is

[28:59] uh... the main character is totally unlikable

[29:02] and all of his comedy is the sheerest hack work

[29:08] now here's where I tell you something that

[29:10] maybe not would fix that entirely but would help a little bit

[29:12] okay now

[29:13] this movie

[29:15] is about essentially

[29:17] two people who are down on their luck and are fairly unlikable they're difficult

[29:21] to be around yeah yeah uh... Leslie Mann's character as we meet her is very quick to

[29:25] get frustrated and swear and angry

[29:27] pushes people away

[29:28] doesn't know how to get close to people it's easy to get into a conversation with her

[29:32] this is a movie about two very

[29:34] troubled people

[29:35] who find some kind of uh... warmth for each other

[29:39] when did they make a lot of those movies

[29:41] like in the seventies and a little bit in the eighties

[29:43] how did they shoot them

[29:45] did they shoot them with everything kind of flatly evenly lit

[29:48] as if we were watching an episode of modern family

[29:50] with kind of like

[29:52] very

[29:53] uh... big panning shots or you know static back and forth

[29:57] no they shot them kind of like as if it was a

[30:00] piece of real life you're looking at, kind of hand-heldy, maybe things were a little dirty

[30:04] around the edges, maybe the lighting wasn't perfect, and I think this movie-

[30:08] Like the real New York, you know.

[30:10] Yeah, exactly. I think this movie would not have been good, but I think it would have been improved

[30:17] if they had shot it as if it was a movie like that, a slice of life about two people who are

[30:22] having problems, and not as a heartwarming comedy about two people who are hilarious

[30:27] and everybody loves them.

[30:29] Yeah, more of a slice of Drife.

[30:31] Oh, if only it was a slice of Drife, I would have loved that.

[30:34] He would have been great in this movie.

[30:35] Actually, I'll tell you, Richard Dreyfuss in that part would have been much better.

[30:39] Yeah.

[30:40] He would have been a thousand times better.

[30:42] I'm saying this as somebody who was once an enormous Robert De Niro fan, but I've kind of,

[30:46] you know, as America has, I've lost my taste for him.

[30:48] Charles Grodin shows up later in the movie,

[30:50] and we all agree that he would have been fantastic in the lead role.

[30:53] Albert Brooks would have been great.

[30:54] Yeah, I think what those guys have is, one, they're genuinely funny.

[30:58] And two, but they're also genuinely prickly in a way that stops just short of being a total asshole.

[31:05] I mean, Charles Grodin often plays a character who is kind of a total asshole,

[31:08] but there's like, they could toe that line between being like, where you're like,

[31:14] he's funny and he's difficult.

[31:16] He's kind of a dick, but he's magnetic and he's funny.

[31:19] I see why people would care to be around this person or want to listen to them, you know.

[31:24] Those are both good casting suggestions.

[31:26] Let's call up the people who made the movie and tell them to redo it.

[31:28] Shoot it more kind of handheld, more gritty.

[31:30] Get Albert Brooks in there.

[31:34] And more car chases, you know.

[31:38] It's New York.

[31:41] Just throw in a little, maybe one of those car chases where like a bicycle gets chased by a car.

[31:47] Like, yeah, like Premium Rush, yeah.

[31:48] Yeah, and the car can't go every place that the bicycle can go.

[31:52] Until they hit the rocket booster button and the car turns into a plane.

[31:55] Yeah, so.

[31:56] And then like a chud comes out of the subway.

[31:59] Exactly.

[32:00] A chud is taking the subway because he's got to get to work somehow.

[32:07] And he's like, I had to get the five dollar footlong because I'm hungry.

[32:13] See, subways have multiple meanings now, guys.

[32:15] Oh yeah, you're right.

[32:17] Because it's not just a stuffy, smelly, underground tube that you get stuck in

[32:24] next to people you're never going to meet again who want to stand as close to as possible.

[32:27] It's also food.

[32:29] Nothing makes you think, that sounds like a delicious sandwich.

[32:31] Oh, I thought you were going to go the other way.

[32:32] I'd be like, it's also a train.

[32:36] That would have been better.

[32:37] Better construction.

[32:38] Say, nothing makes me hungrier for a sandwich than thinking about being sweaty and angry when I hear.

[32:46] I've read this, there's train driving ahead of us.

[32:48] We're going to be stuck in a movie shortly.

[32:50] And then I get stuck there for 25 minutes.

[32:52] When I got to be somewhere.

[32:52] Showtime, everybody, showtime.

[32:54] Shows off his dancing skills.

[32:55] And they go, move back, move back.

[32:57] And they get mad at you when you don't move because it's like, hey, when did this become,

[33:02] did I buy a ticket to this show?

[33:03] I'm not paying attention to your show.

[33:05] I'm busy reading my book.

[33:06] Oh, I'm definitely the guy who out of spite refuses to look at them and holds my book up even closer.

[33:12] What a lot of guys do to avoid giving their seats to pregnant women, which I,

[33:16] I will give my seat to a pregnant woman.

[33:17] I do to avoid noticing the people performing on the subway.

[33:20] As soon as I hear showtime, I say, no, I refuse to watch this show.

[33:24] No time.

[33:25] I have no time.

[33:26] I say, well, call me Cinemax because I don't want showtime.

[33:31] I mean, they're usually a package deal nowadays.

[33:33] Yeah, it's true.

[33:34] The triple play, Showtime, Cinemax and HBO.

[33:36] You're buying it for HBO and Cinemax after dark.

[33:39] You'll accept whatever original shows, I guess, Nurse Jackie.

[33:42] You're like, oh, Twin Peaks.

[33:44] Hey, these days, stars might be thrown in there and you get that American gods, you know, you don't know.

[33:48] Oh, that's true.

[33:49] Yeah.

[33:49] America's newest favorite delivery service for penises.

[33:53] The new new season of Party Down, probably, right?

[33:57] Oh, Stuart, I've got some really bad news for you.

[33:59] I just love that show.

[34:00] It's hilarious.

[34:02] Oh, man, Stuart, I forgot that you fell into a coma while watching the season finale of Party Down.

[34:07] I guess it would have been a season finale, not a series finale.

[34:10] I mean, oh, boy.

[34:13] So anyway, they meet and the fact that Leslie Mann is 30 to 35 years,

[34:19] maybe just 20 to 30 years younger than Robert De Niro, 30 to 35, 30, 35.

[34:25] Does it make it?

[34:26] I believe you asked this question, Dan, so I'm going to ask you to answer it.

[34:28] Now, does it make it better or worse that the movie acknowledges the age difference between them

[34:34] and how crazy it is that this is the romantic interest for Robert De Niro?

[34:39] Yeah, it's hard to say, like the movie doesn't try and play it off like this is like a normal thing,

[34:45] like so many Hollywood movies do with an older man, younger woman.

[34:49] Like every movie Michael Douglas does or Jack Nicholson.

[34:52] I mean, look, it even goes back as far to like in like

[34:56] old Hollywood, like charade or something like that.

[34:59] But Cary Grant was 70 years older than Audrey Hepburn when they made the movie.

[35:04] He was great, though.

[35:05] But it's still so attractive even at that age.

[35:08] Yeah, it still feels weird if you look at his knees.

[35:11] Yeah, well, every time he moves in that movie,

[35:13] just pay attention because they record the sound on set and you'll hear

[35:17] it's the grinding sound of his joints.

[35:20] Very I mean, they tried to tamp it down and they tried to dub in very loud

[35:24] mariachi music over most of the scenes and charade to cover that up.

[35:27] But it didn't do a great job.

[35:29] Every now and then you hear an elephant go.

[35:31] And that's to cover up an extremely loud fart that Cary Grant has let loose

[35:34] because he can't really control his system at that point.

[35:37] And, you know, there are certain times when you can see his face go a little red

[35:41] and he glances at the camera and, you know, and the camera cuts abruptly to another scene.

[35:46] And, you know, that he's just about to tell Stanley Donnan,

[35:48] Stanley, I've got to let loose a big one.

[35:50] Cut the camera.

[35:53] That's a charade.

[35:56] Yeah.

[35:56] So, Dan, does it make it better or worse that they call attention to how old?

[35:59] I don't know.

[36:00] It feels really a lampshade.

[36:02] They have like a conversation about how old how their

[36:05] age difference is a thing before they like have sex.

[36:09] And it I don't know.

[36:11] It makes me feel uncomfortable either way, I guess, is the short answer to that.

[36:14] And I guess what I'm just realizing now is.

[36:17] 30 years from now, Paul Rudd will be making a movie about having sex

[36:22] with a woman who has not been born yet.

[36:24] Yeah, Paul Rudd, the ageless one.

[36:27] Yeah.

[36:27] And like I said, maybe in 70 years, there's going to become a time when Paul Rudd is an

[36:32] old man and he's making a movie in which his co-star and romantic interest,

[36:35] as of the recording of this podcast, has not been born yet.

[36:39] She'll be like 27 and he'll be like in his late 60s.

[36:44] Wait.

[36:46] So we're seeing the math.

[36:47] Well, he was just in a movie called This Is 40 a couple of years ago.

[36:49] That doesn't mean shit.

[36:50] Do you know?

[36:51] Yeah, you're right.

[36:51] Magic.

[36:53] They use a lot of computers to de-age him.

[36:55] Clayface goop and he's fucking up and running.

[36:57] No, but then I'll become a serial killer.

[36:59] I want to back up.

[37:00] Or a victim.

[37:02] I want to back up and just make one point about before that they had.

[37:05] No, let's pump the brakes, guys.

[37:06] We've been moving too quickly.

[37:08] Yeah, we're almost a half hour into the two hour film before the two of them have sex,

[37:12] which is much later in the film after he takes her to his lesbian niece's wedding.

[37:17] Yeah.

[37:18] Shocks all the blue, blue blood.

[37:19] The lesbian niece's wedding is what I want to talk about.

[37:21] So OK, so let's say here.

[37:23] So Robert De Niro and Leslie Mann.

[37:24] Robert De Niro is having trouble with his career.

[37:26] He just can't seem to move forward.

[37:27] And why do you keep saying lesbian?

[37:30] Well, it's important for what we're what I'm going to get.

[37:33] I mean, because the whole point of the scene is he gets I mean,

[37:36] the point of the scene, Stuart, was not the elaborate,

[37:38] extended horror that they danced because it's a Jewish wedding.

[37:40] It did take up a large part.

[37:42] Oh, boy.

[37:42] OK, so let's just skip out of that.

[37:44] He decides to take Leslie Mann as a date to his niece's wedding.

[37:47] And there's trouble because Patti LuPone does not like Leslie Mann.

[37:51] And Leslie Mann is wearing a very sexy dress for this wedding.

[37:55] And the niece says, Jackie, you're here.

[37:58] Oh, you're my favorite.

[37:59] You're my hero.

[38:00] You got to get up and say something, Jackie.

[38:01] Jackie, you got to get up.

[38:04] Jackie, you got to get up and say something.

[38:05] OK, OK.

[38:06] And he gets and next you expect, except he's what you expect.

[38:11] Cut to Jackie on stage talking.

[38:13] No, no, no, my friends.

[38:14] We've got to watch them dance the horror for four minutes.

[38:17] And then we have to watch an old man and Leslie Mann dance together.

[38:20] And then the old man collapses and just starts grabbing women's boobs

[38:24] when they bend over to see if he's doing OK.

[38:26] We never see that character again.

[38:29] And we've never seen him before.

[38:31] He exists in the movie only for that one scene.

[38:34] He's never given a name.

[38:36] We don't know his relationship to anyone.

[38:37] And his name is Dan or Stewart or something.

[38:40] I guess.

[38:41] Yeah, let's say his name is Dan Stewart.

[38:42] I guess they saw the godfather and they saw the scene where the old man at the

[38:45] wedding gets up and is just singing to everybody.

[38:47] And they were like, I guess ethnic weddings have an old man who gets up and

[38:50] does something crazy.

[38:52] This reminded me, by the way, just of a joke that is terrible that rightfully

[38:57] did not get on The Daily Show that I was trying to get on.

[39:01] Put it on our podcast.

[39:02] Yeah, give us your trimmings.

[39:05] Give us your leavings, Dan.

[39:07] Of the superhero.

[39:07] Oh, here's a piece of poop that didn't flush down all the way.

[39:09] I guess I'll put it on my podcast.

[39:10] Of the superhero Leslie Mann, who was bitten by a radioactive Leslie.

[39:14] But let's move on.

[39:15] And The Daily Show wouldn't run that?

[39:18] But what I wanted to say.

[39:21] I guess it just went over Trevor's head, huh?

[39:23] You heard it here first.

[39:24] Dan's words, not mine.

[39:26] What?

[39:27] What I wanted to say.

[39:28] I don't know if we can say superhero.

[39:29] I think that's copyright.

[39:30] We'd have to say capes or science heroes.

[39:33] A word that's owned by Marvel and DC together.

[39:38] This is what I asked, man.

[39:40] This is what I wanted to say about the wedding scene, which is something that I said during the

[39:43] movie.

[39:44] And then after the wedding scene, can you remind me?

[39:45] Let's talk about the TV pitch scene.

[39:47] OK.

[39:49] Jackie gets up and he says a lot of offensive jokes about gay people, lesbians in particular.

[39:57] And this is, I think, why we are making it clear that.

[40:00] lesbian woman because like Jackie tells all these offensive gay jokes and the

[40:05] lesbians are loving it offensive and not even not funny not even attempting to be

[40:10] funny it's just it's like it is the it is the lowest like scummiest yeah like

[40:15] gay people are weird routine and the lesbians love it everyone else their

[40:19] monocles are falling out into their champagne but the lesbians love it and

[40:23] we as audience members are supposed to be like oh it's fine it's fine he's

[40:28] making these jokes because because they're digging it and I want to be

[40:32] like no movie what's your money's funny you know no movie you wrote these

[40:37] characters you're the one making them like this stupid oh no for all we know

[40:42] those might just be actresses playing lesbians what we don't even know if

[40:46] they're real lesbians Dan what oh this this scandal goes all the way to the

[40:49] president actually probably it's hard for me to think of a scandal that

[40:52] doesn't go to the president right now oh but it's a good point in it's weird for

[40:56] a movie to have a character say something offensive but then justify it

[40:59] by having a character in the movie kind of give it the okay yeah I mean nothing

[41:03] short in that scene then like I don't know like taking the taro walking out

[41:10] and being like good stuff Jackie yeah like it would have really given it the

[41:13] stamp of approval like if Melissa Etheridge and Katie Lang walked down

[41:18] like we're not comedians but we know this is funny keep it up Jacko yeah but

[41:25] okay so before this scene was a scene I forgot about where this is the scene

[41:28] where that ends with him firing his agent where he comes in to pitch a TV

[41:32] show to a place called raw TV which is supposed to be I guess like I like it's

[41:37] a cable channel know what it is it's like just like I guess it's like spike

[41:42] yeah yeah or vice but it's online and he goes into pitch a sitcom where he's in

[41:47] jail as an old man and all the prisoners no matter what their ethnicity or gang

[41:51] they all come to him for advice and it's called Jackie on the block and when he

[41:55] says they go you got a title he goes Jackie on the block and the person

[41:57] something to go that's funny well here's the thing it's a great idea but and he

[42:03] throws a shit fit as soon as he says but he knows that they're not gonna buy his

[42:07] idea it's a terrible idea a little peek behind the entertainment curtain here oh

[42:12] yeah well here's the thing if you ever pitch a TV show you will not sell it

[42:16] okay probably not I mean that's to be expected I have never written a TV like

[42:23] 99.999% of pitches don't get bought I guess and a lot of it is just like going

[42:30] in and make and like trying your best and then showing that you can work with

[42:34] them you know what about a prank show keep talking and about people I pull

[42:39] pranks on don't know I'm gonna do it okay I like this twist is that a new

[42:48] twist on an old thing that the gimmick thing what's old is new again guys

[42:52] right see stranger things taught me that nostalgia is a powerful weapon in the

[42:58] right hands okay and my hands are the rightest hands and what is this

[43:02] nostalgia for you are free previous awareness culture Clark's TVs bloopers

[43:07] and practical jokes yeah of course Dan Dan's already on it Dan you're gonna

[43:11] search you Aragonese animations okay it's gonna be the vice president of this

[43:16] show okay great I love it oh yeah I'll put it on my network I guess KTV Kaelin

[43:25] television but he and he storms out and it's one of those scenes where it's like

[43:30] you're supposed you're supposed to be it's supposed to be that he's a real

[43:34] artist and I guess he's being he's not being given respect by these suits but

[43:39] you just while you're watching you're just like I hate all these people I

[43:42] don't like anything that's going on here this is his show ideas dumb and

[43:46] this channel sounds terrible thing about his character would make me think that

[43:50] he would actually take the time to write a show no that's true he seems like a

[43:55] guy who doesn't follow through and doesn't even prepare material before

[43:58] going up why would I assume he could write a good show yeah very true and the

[44:07] oh this is all because of by the way the video of him assaulting that guy did I

[44:11] mention went viral yeah he has about four or five different viral moments

[44:17] throughout the movie where he does something and it goes viral this is this

[44:19] movie has the understanding of the internet of a person who once heard the

[44:24] word viral that is about the level at which this I'll give the movie credit I

[44:29] don't think it ever does a joke where someone confuses viral on the internet

[44:33] with like a having a virus I don't think there was one of those unless I went

[44:38] into a boredom coma and missed it so I'll give it credit for not going for

[44:41] that lowest hanging fruit I would say they went to the branch above it which

[44:44] was hanging an inch above the ground I think the movie unfriended has a better

[44:49] grasp of the internet the movie where they videotape a girl who poops her

[44:53] pants and she becomes a ghost and kills them all the internet that is a more

[44:59] accurate depiction of the internet or was that movie smiley yeah it's about a

[45:04] smiley guy where and they where they create a fake urban legend but then the

[45:07] end he turns out to be real somehow and that's the twist yeah yeah it makes

[45:11] perfect sense yeah cuz you know what you can kill with kindness nothing kinder

[45:18] than a smile what were his powers makes you jump off buildings and shit uh he

[45:23] kind of look like a belly with stitches in it what what are what are her powers

[45:33] she's beautiful that's kind of a power I guess that's true that is the only real

[45:37] superpower that exists as being beautiful which is I was thinking about

[45:41] this the other day taught me if you've heard this one from me I was this was

[45:45] something I was learning about while just like getting ready in the morning I

[45:48] was like it's such a weird coincidence that so many of the winners of our most

[45:52] prestigious acting awards are beautiful I guess there's just a natural

[45:57] scientific link between physical beauty and acting talent because so many Oscar

[46:02] winners they're just beautiful like the men the women's and if you looked if you

[46:07] look at it the vast majority of Oscar winners are gorgeous physically and that

[46:12] award is surely based on talent and performance and so it's like what is it

[46:16] with all that there's just like if you're not beautiful I guess you can't

[46:19] this is what it is scientifically and I was just thinking about how what there

[46:23] are a lot of people like Arnold Schwarzenegger where he's not necessarily

[46:26] what I would call necessarily like a beautiful person but certainly looks are

[46:29] what got him into the movies he's this huge muscled guy and now the one is

[46:33] honest yeah yeah you could say that and the work he's doing now certainly he's

[46:39] like aged into a real performer who like brings his history with him when he

[46:43] plays a role yeah but it's like oh if someone looks good they can have 30 to

[46:47] 40 years to become a good actor because when you watch his old movies it's not

[46:51] like you're like this guy's really good like this guy's a really good actor I

[46:54] mean I think I think he he he always had a natural charisma and yeah you have to

[46:59] have you should get some credit because there's there's a lot of guys out there

[47:04] who are that who yeah name to oh man Sylvester Stallone kind of the same

[47:10] exact thing oh you're right Dolph Lundgren Dolph Lundgren it's pretty

[47:15] great how he long okay I'll give you that how he long didn't have a right do

[47:24] to call they're plenty of like beautiful ingenues who are like gorgeous and like

[47:30] Michael never have that chance to age into oh no women don't get the chance to

[47:35] age Dan oh that's right when best actors when they're young men win make a good

[47:39] point you make a very good point women by the time a woman is in her 30s you

[47:44] can already hear Hollywood hasn't planted a clock on the her back that's

[47:48] just ticking down like what six years and then when that clock goes off you

[47:53] know what happens what they break her open and there's chocolate inside okay

[47:56] and all the men dig that chocolate up and just suck it down and it keeps them

[48:00] young ish no I'm Sean Connery has sucked out so much ingenue chocolate over the

[48:05] years it's what keeps him attractive into his 80s or housing now 800 I don't

[48:11] know he's gonna die in between the time we record this episode and it goes out

[48:14] well then just in case I'll say rest in peace Sean Connery I was a fan of your

[48:18] work and a fan I guess of you avoiding paying taxes in the UK for decades not

[48:23] quite a fan of the whole it's okay to slap a woman sometimes no that's not

[48:28] something I'm so into it when called out on it no that's not so great now it may

[48:32] seem like we're not spending enough time on the movie but the thing is

[48:35] there's not really anything that happens in this movie okay so here I'll tell you

[48:38] skip to the end I'll tell you the rest of the movie right now

[48:41] Roger knows career is still going nowhere Leslie man his relationship it

[48:45] has its ups and downs uh-oh what are you gonna do I sleep together once and they

[48:48] sleep it's pregnant they sleep together once and then later after he he argues

[48:53] his way into a spot at a Friars Club roast for an actress played by it was a

[48:57] chorus Leach Morris Leachman and then his act is so hilarious it kills her and

[49:01] she dies on stage by the way we were not talking about how amazing it is that

[49:07] this movie postulates that being part of a Friars Club roast is a part is a step

[49:12] to your big comeback a as Elliot put it a dying organization it's a little bit

[49:19] like saying hey you know what I want to go where I've got a big future I guess

[49:25] I'll step on to Atlantis Oh water's getting a little high all right but this

[49:30] is the best place for me to get exposure love love love love love love

[49:33] anyway Friars Club never been there very envious obviously anyway so Dan you were

[49:37] there you described it as what like a museum for orangutans I believe you

[49:42] refer to it as like like an aging bone store I did say that like this movie

[49:47] postulates a world where the Friars Club is always hopping with people and like

[49:53] actual legends of comedy whereas I've been there twice when the actual events

[49:59] have been going on

[50:00] and it has been a nearly empty boneyard.

[50:03] I get the impression that it's like a decrepit manor house

[50:07] where all the eyes on all the portraits have been cut out.

[50:10] You know who's a member of the Friars Club?

[50:13] Your friend and mine, Sam Means.

[50:15] Oh yeah, I know Sam's a member of it.

[50:16] Well, he fits into that.

[50:17] Sam's kind of, he's a great guy.

[50:18] He's prematurely old and loves comedy.

[50:20] Yeah.

[50:21] What, how, should I waste my time

[50:23] on an Edgar Allan Poe parody

[50:24] called The Fall of the House of Friars?

[50:26] That's about a kind of decaying manse

[50:29] in which an old comedian just kind of fritters away his days.

[50:33] What's going to be the,

[50:34] what's going to be the medium for this story?

[50:37] Probably the show medium.

[50:39] Oh wow, an episode of Medium.

[50:40] Yeah.

[50:41] I mean, I think that's appropriate

[50:42] because she talks to ghosts, I think.

[50:44] Ghosts and Gerblins.

[50:46] Anyway, so, so anyway,

[50:48] the Friars Club roast doesn't do him any favors.

[50:50] Does it go viral?

[50:51] Sure it does.

[50:53] But here's the thing, it doesn't help him.

[50:55] So he goes down to Florida

[50:57] where he's tried to avoid doing shows

[50:59] because he doesn't want to sell out.

[51:01] He go, and he tracks down Leslie Mann

[51:03] to an old folks home where her dad, Harvey Keitel, now is.

[51:06] We skip the scene where Leslie Mann,

[51:09] for her dad's birthday present,

[51:10] has, sets up a dinner for him, her,

[51:13] and his favorite television star, Jackie Burke,

[51:16] Rob De Niro's character,

[51:18] and where Harvey Keitel is seen at first

[51:20] talking to a very busty woman wearing like exercise clothes

[51:24] who then gets up from the table and walks away.

[51:26] No explanation as to who that was.

[51:28] Walks out of the movie and out of our hearts.

[51:31] And so anyway, he's living at this old folks home.

[51:33] Rob De Niro, again, picks up the mic.

[51:36] And we get this great scene, you know,

[51:37] like when I, years ago, when I first saw Taxi Driver,

[51:40] I was like, man, I can't wait till these guys get old

[51:43] and do a movie together again.

[51:46] When they do Taxi Driver 2, Sport's back.

[51:49] Which Sport has somehow healed from his injuries

[51:51] from the end of Taxi Driver.

[51:53] And he and Travis Bickle, like, have to,

[51:56] what, they're roommates now at an old folks home?

[51:58] They have to be roommates in an old folks home.

[52:00] They're always, you know,

[52:02] arguing who gets to spend time in the mirror.

[52:05] Either looking at a cool hat.

[52:09] Or looking down the barrel of a gun.

[52:10] He's like, move out of the way with your guns.

[52:12] I want to look at this one pinky nail that's painted red.

[52:15] And he says, are you talking to me, sir?

[52:18] That's how he gets the famous line.

[52:20] Actually, I would kind of love to see a Taxi Driver sequel

[52:23] where Travis Bickle is old

[52:25] and he is no longer a fringe psycho.

[52:28] He's now, like, a Trump voter.

[52:30] And, like, has totally been validated, apparently,

[52:33] by the political system.

[52:34] Like, all the hate that he had raging inside of him

[52:37] in the 70s has now become acceptable for him to, like,

[52:41] to act on because that's just the America we live in now.

[52:44] Is that too dark?

[52:45] I am kind of interested to see if, like,

[52:48] if the current political climate gives birth to

[52:53] films that focus on characters,

[52:57] I don't want to say heroes,

[52:58] but characters that are, like,

[53:00] have been, like, twisted and corrupted by the, you know,

[53:04] the political, like, the level of political discourse

[53:06] in the country and commit violent action based on it.

[53:11] I mean, I watched the movie Joe not too long ago

[53:13] with Peter Boyle, and it's kind of that,

[53:15] about this guy whose daughter is a hippie,

[53:18] played by Susan Sranon, who goes missing

[53:21] and he goes off to find her and ends up hooking up with,

[53:25] not hooking up, making out, but, like,

[53:26] hooking up, like, meeting up with Peter Boyle's character,

[53:29] who's this, like, Archie Bunker, like,

[53:32] total blue collar racist, hates everybody

[53:35] because he thinks they're stealing America from him,

[53:37] and the two go hippie hunting, essentially,

[53:39] and the dad ends up, spoiler alert for a movie

[53:41] that's 40 years old, ends up shooting his daughter

[53:43] in the back because they go to clean out

[53:45] a commune full of hippies at the end

[53:47] just by killing everybody, and while watching it,

[53:49] I was like, this is way too close to how I feel

[53:53] like a lot of people want to be acting right now.

[53:55] Like, it was like, it's not a great movie,

[53:58] but there was definitely part of me that was like,

[54:01] well, wish we could have moved away

[54:02] from this type of feeling in the past 40 to 45 years,

[54:05] but didn't happen.

[54:08] Anyway, but we should go back to the movie.

[54:11] Yeah, probably.

[54:11] So, because we're about to get to the part

[54:13] where Robert De Niro delivers a hilarious parody

[54:16] of Makin' Whoopie called Not Makin' Poopy

[54:19] about how hard it is to poop when you're an old person.

[54:22] Does this, is this recorded and does it go viral?

[54:25] Oh yeah, you bet it does.

[54:26] Step back for a moment.

[54:28] Take the, take the global, take the long view.

[54:31] Okay, let's birdseye this, yeah.

[54:34] Robert De Niro.

[54:35] Robert De Niro, sure.

[54:36] Robert De Niro, one of the most respected actors

[54:40] in American film.

[54:42] Quickly, quickly.

[54:43] In the world.

[54:44] He's singing his.

[54:45] Burning up that karma, though, I think.

[54:46] He's singing, he sings a parody song

[54:50] for about four minutes of the film.

[54:52] This is after another singer has butchered

[54:55] a rendition of Being Alive,

[54:57] one of the most beautiful songs

[54:58] in the musical theater canon, but continue.

[55:00] He takes four minutes out of this movie,

[55:03] sing a song with a bunch of old people about poop.

[55:08] Yeah.

[55:08] Dan, if it was funny, I'd think it was great.

[55:11] Am I above poop humor?

[55:13] You know I'm not.

[55:14] I've written it, I've laughed at it, I've loved it.

[55:17] Part of the fun of having a three-year-old son

[55:19] is I get to talk about poop a lot.

[55:22] If it was a funny song about poop,

[55:25] give this man a Nobel Prize.

[55:28] And yet it is not a funny song about poop.

[55:30] Do the old people at their retirement home like it?

[55:31] They love it.

[55:33] Oh, they're gobbling that shit up, literally.

[55:35] They're eating poop, it is a scat buffet.

[55:39] So maybe not literally, but they love it.

[55:41] They're, I mean, they're young again.

[55:44] This is cocoon to them.

[55:45] They're suddenly full of vivacity.

[55:47] Yeah, they get up and start dancing.

[55:49] It's a little weird to see Robert...

[55:50] Steve Guttenberg shows up.

[55:52] Steve Guttenberg?

[55:53] Steve Guttenberg.

[55:55] It's a little weird to see Robert De Niro,

[55:56] who is an old man, performing for even older people,

[56:00] where it's like, Robert De Niro, you are closer in age

[56:03] and have more in common with your audience

[56:05] of seniors at this moment than with your girlfriend.

[56:08] Leslie Mann afterwards confronts him, she's pregnant.

[56:11] Oh my God, that's not as good as when he finishes

[56:14] doing this amazing tour de force number.

[56:17] Everybody is fucking cackling.

[56:19] They are loving this making poopy song,

[56:22] and he like fucking mic drops and stomps out of there,

[56:26] and he walks past Harvey Keitel, who is deflated.

[56:30] Who is shaking.

[56:32] He's like...

[56:32] He's like, I don't know what to do anymore.

[56:34] Down is up, up is down.

[56:36] It's like, there's something about,

[56:38] it's like either Harvey Keitel saw the face of God

[56:40] or had a moment with the devil,

[56:42] and he doesn't know how to accept this into his life.

[56:45] He should have known better to go up against Jackie,

[56:48] the person who apparently is the most hilarious person

[56:51] in all of recorded history.

[56:54] When Harvey Keitel set him up, he's like,

[56:56] ha ha, I'm setting him up in a no win situation.

[57:00] Entertaining old people, no one can do that.

[57:03] The Kobayashi Maru for a comedian.

[57:06] And then just like Shatner, he rewrites the program.

[57:08] Blam, blam, shit my Robert De Niro says.

[57:11] And by Shatner, I mean Kirk.

[57:13] Because it's not like,

[57:14] because it's the character did it.

[57:14] It's not like William Shatner, the actor,

[57:16] went in and changed the Kobayashi Maru.

[57:19] Although that would have been a great on-set story.

[57:21] Mm-hmm, what a prank he pulled.

[57:25] The kind of prank you don't tell people about ahead of time.

[57:28] So they're surprised when it happens.

[57:30] Wait, are there two more doing that?

[57:32] I hate to break it to you, Stu.

[57:33] Let me quick get that copy written.

[57:36] So Robert De Niro, he's told by Leslie Mann,

[57:39] hey, I'm pregnant.

[57:40] And Robert De Niro, he had mentioned earlier

[57:42] that he had a son who had died in his youth.

[57:45] And that's why I guess what turned him into a jerk

[57:47] or maybe he was already a jerk.

[57:49] He's like, I'm not sure if I wanna be a dad.

[57:50] And Leslie Mann's like, well, I'm not asking you to be a dad.

[57:53] This is my life.

[57:54] You don't have to be a part of it.

[57:55] They are, he's like, what?

[57:56] You were just gonna have a baby and not tell me

[57:58] and not, you don't want me a part of it?

[57:59] They argue about this for probably, what, 20 minutes?

[58:02] And it's the kind of scene that in like

[58:04] a heartbreaking drama might've worked.

[58:08] But it doesn't work here.

[58:10] The song goes viral.

[58:11] And Robert De Niro is now on Raw TV,

[58:13] hosting a show called Cry Uncle,

[58:15] in which people go through stunts.

[58:17] Now I know what you're thinking.

[58:18] Shouldn't the movie have ended by this point?

[58:20] Oh yeah.

[58:21] Au contraire, my friend, it continues.

[58:23] You also might be thinking, Raw TV,

[58:26] that sounds like something where it's run by young people

[58:30] and they are trying different approaches

[58:33] to media to capture a younger audience.

[58:36] It's like a Tim and Eric or an Adult Swim type thing.

[58:38] But instead, their show Cry Uncle

[58:41] is the most like old-timey, hacky teen show.

[58:43] No, it's Fear Factor.

[58:44] It's just Fear Factor.

[58:46] It's like Fear Factor with a set.

[58:48] The set, because it's a crawfish challenge,

[58:50] the set is like a bayou shack.

[58:52] And Frank Luntz.

[58:54] Have a couple of bayou babes.

[58:55] Not Frank Luntz, that's the Pulsar guy.

[58:57] Who's the, oh, Lutz.

[58:58] Lutz from 30 Rock.

[58:59] Yep.

[59:00] Comes out as a, oh yeah,

[59:02] the Hallie Haglin bayou babe, I forgot.

[59:03] Yeah, got her.

[59:05] Star of the show.

[59:06] Trademark, her bayou babe, I was kidding.

[59:10] Lutz from 30 Rock has to line a canoe

[59:12] with crawfish all over him, crawdads, for 30 seconds.

[59:17] And they're really pinching him hard.

[59:19] And the crawdads are shot in slow motion

[59:20] like to make them look enormous, I don't know.

[59:23] I mean, you know crawfish.

[59:26] You give them 30 seconds,

[59:27] they're gonna flay the skin for you.

[59:29] Growing up as I did on the Mississippi.

[59:30] They can skeletonize a cow in 30 seconds.

[59:33] Look, growing up as I did

[59:34] on the banks of the old Mississippi

[59:36] with my mom, pa, going down to the old man river

[59:39] to get to what?

[59:40] And you're snapping turtle men of the Mississippi.

[59:43] Oh, of course, yeah.

[59:44] I would just ride her down to the banks.

[59:46] We'd go fishing for crawfish.

[59:48] And the way you do it was you just stick your finger

[59:50] down into the water.

[59:51] Crawfish would snap that finger right off.

[59:53] And then when it was snapping your finger off,

[59:55] you'd grab it with the other hand.

[59:57] So you could only count,

[59:58] you only really catch like five crawfish.

[1:00:00] Until you were left with just one hand you don't want to use that hand for crawfish fishing

[1:00:03] You need that for noodling so you can stick it in a catfish's maw and just pull that sucker right out of the water

[1:00:08] Then I'll just say they're dangerous dangerous creatures should be outlawed shouldn't be pets like ferrets now

[1:00:13] I really appreciate Elliot kind of just opening up his heart revealing his backstory

[1:00:18] I want to get real for a second guys

[1:00:23] You guys have a favorite turtle yeah

[1:00:27] Hello

[1:00:29] Okay, I'll count Elliot's response because that's technically a turtle

[1:00:33] Do you have it? Did you have a number one turtle? I

[1:00:37] Just know I mean, I know the types that I know a couple there's a snapping turtle. There's a favorite

[1:00:42] There's a box turtle named turtles, and that's probably a tortoise stop fence-sitting pick a turtle a sea turtle

[1:00:50] Okay, that's fair and Stuart you

[1:00:53] The the mata mata turtle, that's what I was gonna say it looks like a pile of leaves and its neck is super long

[1:01:05] I'm so glad you said that I knew we were soulmates and now I know even more that is the top number one

[1:01:17] Is I'm always discovering new things about you and it just makes me love you more Dan

[1:01:22] I know everything about and I hate him what?

[1:01:24] so anyway

[1:01:26] He's he's doing this show and this is where I literally I thought the movie was showing us that he's successful again

[1:01:31] Because the movie doesn't know what's funny. So maybe they thought this was a great reward, but no

[1:01:36] Let's can't do it. He gives up and cries uncle and

[1:01:39] Robert you're like what?

[1:01:41] It's also gonna matter. I just found I have never seen this turtle before it is a crazy turtle

[1:01:52] Hammerhead from Star Wars

[1:01:54] His name is mom on a don

[1:01:55] I wish you could see the look of sheer glee on Dan's face as he sees this turtle for the first time

[1:02:01] Dan you want to sit here? I'm gonna give you the greatest gift you've ever received go to the Brooklyn Zoo. All right this weekend

[1:02:08] They got one

[1:02:11] Well, I mean, I

[1:02:13] Don't want him to go down a week to work day. Yeah

[1:02:17] Actually, you know what Dan skip work go to the Brooklyn go to the

[1:02:21] Prospect Park Zoo another Brooklyn to go to the Prospect Park Zoo

[1:02:26] And she was in a wheelchair I pushed her around that zoo together

[1:02:31] It's a great little zoo. You can see the whole thing in one trip

[1:02:34] Uh-huh, a lot of great animals a lot of monkeys feel bad for him because there can not huge spaces

[1:02:39] But what are you gonna do? It's a zoo

[1:02:41] As soon as you go to a zoo, you're making a deal with the devil that you're okay with animal imprisonment. I will say

[1:02:46] Nothing in the world

[1:02:48] makes me more jealous than

[1:02:52] Seeing like sea lions and seals playing in the water. Yeah on a hot day

[1:02:59] Like it was like like like I am one of Odysseus's sailors and I'm tempted overboard by the siren

[1:03:08] So, uh, very apt let's finish up this movie cuz I'm sure we're going super long much like a movie so a

[1:03:15] Rob De Niro

[1:03:16] Let's gives in and Rob De Niro's like what a failure

[1:03:18] You're ashamed your family hates you and sees lets his family like consoling him

[1:03:23] And I think it's in that moment that he realizes that humans can care about each other that there's such a thing as affection

[1:03:28] He's like my family doesn't need financial security. So yeah, I won't take this job

[1:03:33] So he out like he goes fuck this show

[1:03:35] I don't want to be here and he quits and then it's like then just cuts to eight years later, right?

[1:03:41] Well, no because he says fuck this show. Oh, that's a third viral thing that he does. Oh, and so he gets called up on the

[1:03:50] He gets called up to the stage of the comedy seller not a paying gig mind you just he just gets called up with a

[1:03:55] Comedy seller. Oh, right. He spends a lot of time at the comedy seller, which you may know from the show

[1:04:00] Louie he been to stand-up comedy in New York. It's a seller. I mean, I don't know

[1:04:06] I mean they may get money from doing that

[1:04:08] But I'm not I'm saying it's not a regular paying gig the way that hosting a television show would have been yeah

[1:04:13] Yeah, but he's got to do it for his art because he's not gonna sell out and he has he's the hackiest worst comic in

[1:04:18] The world doesn't mean he doesn't have principles. He has a great night at a comedy seller a audience that I guarantee you

[1:04:24] Would hate him. Yeah, cuz they're all like young hip people. Yeah. Yeah, but they all went to the dentist earlier that day

[1:04:29] so they're still riding that nitrous high and so he has an amazing night at the comedy seller and then we get a

[1:04:36] Brat style leap ahead eight years later years later years, dude. That is not a small amount of time

[1:04:42] Large cheap that that's two presidential turn. There is a very real possibility

[1:04:48] Robert New's character would not be alive eight years after the events of this movie

[1:04:52] I mean, yeah, think of all his friends that are no longer alive at this point so many funerals

[1:04:58] Richard Belzer's dead. He's long dead by now the concept of viral would be completely different

[1:05:03] Oh, yeah, the internet doesn't exist. We know now it's in everyone's heads

[1:05:05] It wasn't like the early stuff was happening in the past, right?

[1:05:09] No, no, cuz they're talking about viral videos and things like Google News some dude had an iPhone

[1:05:14] Yeah, so this is so the end of the movie were led to believe takes place in the year

[1:05:18] 2025 or 2024 depending on what year this movie Florida still exists

[1:05:24] water

[1:05:25] Should be underwater or maybe Bugs Bunny sawed it off and pushed it into the ocean like in the movie in the hit cartoon rebel

[1:05:31] Rabbit, that's the part where he goes. Take it away, South America, and he saws off Florida and just pushes it

[1:05:37] That's a classic clip

[1:05:40] And his daughter with Leslie Mann is on stage at the talent show doing stand-up and her she's does a filthy mouth routine

[1:05:47] And he couldn't be prouder

[1:05:49] I mean, that's the way we know for sure that she's his daughter because it's not like she's covered on a bunch of wrinkles

[1:05:56] Yes, she's not she's not a little old lady

[1:06:01] And everything worked out for the best, you know, yeah

[1:06:04] the end

[1:06:05] We did a comedian we did go long. So let's get to final judgments quickly Stuart

[1:06:11] What do you have to say about this movie is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie kind of like bad

[1:06:15] Bad movie don't watch it. I agree bad bad. Skip it. Don't zip it

[1:06:19] By which I mean like get a download a zip file and unzip it

[1:06:22] I'm gonna go a little longer in my saying bad bad just because it made me so angry Dan goes

[1:06:28] Let's wrap it up real quick guys. Do yours real fast bad bad bad bad. Okay, I'm gonna take a little bit more time

[1:06:32] No, I just thanks for reserving the balance of our time for you

[1:06:36] Appreciate it, buddy. I didn't mean that you had to go that fast. Hey guys, we got a run

[1:06:41] And and there's not a lot of hamburgers to go around. So each take one bite. Okay, I'm gonna

[1:06:45] hamburgers

[1:06:47] Say use it use your ill-gotten gains. No, I was just saying like look, I'm not a stand-up comic

[1:06:53] I know stand-up comics. However, like I like Elliot exist in the world of comedy. This movie made me angry as a

[1:07:02] comedy person because the comedy in it was so bad and the reaction to it was so

[1:07:09] outsized to like what was going on and the main character was so

[1:07:13] Unprofessional at every step of the way and the misunderstanding of the Internet was so egregious that it just infuriated me

[1:07:21] With every minute that went by and that's what I have to say about that movie. Very nice

[1:07:26] Yeah, that was worth it Dan shut up

[1:07:31] How do you say cheese in Spanish

[1:07:34] What show should I have on my DVR? What are the best songs of the year? It's VR cool

[1:07:40] What's your jam? Which one of you is the Renata of the panel?

[1:07:45] For answers to these questions and so much more come on over to pop rocket a pop culture roundtable discussion

[1:07:51] That always has a fun diverse panel talking about the stuff

[1:07:54] We love catch us every Wednesday on maximum fund up for or wherever you decide to get your podcast. I'm not gonna judge

[1:08:05] Mugs shirts stickers patches tanks and more are yours for the purchasing at max fun store.com

[1:08:12] Hey, you already love the podcast

[1:08:14] So why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch

[1:08:19] Max fun store.com because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours

[1:08:26] But we have a couple of sponsors

[1:08:29] Oh boy that help us on keep going in this bleak world slower

[1:08:37] We're watching the comedian. The only thing that I could

[1:08:41] Allow me to keep going was not the thought of my wife. It was the

[1:08:51] So look

[1:08:56] Wow, I'm sure our sponsors appreciate your anger leading into the

[1:09:02] Sponsor sponsor to the sponsor. No it the sponsor is great. It's your lethargy

[1:09:06] continue

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[1:10:00] Show people that you know how to use the internet properly by going to theblacktux.com.

[1:10:07] Let's say it's not prom. Let's say you're going to a wedding, maybe even your own.

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[1:10:16] Theblacktux.com.

[1:10:18] Our second sponsor of the night is Mack Weldon.

[1:10:23] Mack Weldon, they believe in smart design.

[1:10:27] Crawling out of the darkness, we got some Mack Weldon back in town.

[1:10:31] Wow, okay.

[1:10:33] Look, I want to balance what Stuart just said by taking note of the fact that,

[1:10:36] is Mack Weldon currently taking care of my genitalia?

[1:10:40] Yes, because they make the best underwear.

[1:10:43] Hey, buddy. Right over here, up top.

[1:10:46] Yeah, Mack Weldon brothers.

[1:10:47] I'm wearing them right now.

[1:10:48] Yeah, they call us the Mack Weldon trio, right, Stuart?

[1:10:51] They do. They call us that on our dinner placemats.

[1:10:56] Stan, continue. Talk about how great the underpants we're wearing right now is.

[1:10:59] Mack Weldon believes in smart design, premium fabrics, and simple shopping.

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[1:11:09] I love the hoodie I got from them.

[1:11:12] Yeah.

[1:11:13] It's a wonderful hoodie for all formal occasions.

[1:11:16] Yeah, and they make great socks too.

[1:11:18] Mack Weldon.

[1:11:21] My Mack Weldon undershirt is the undershirt I wear on the specialist occasions.

[1:11:26] You want to feel like a real Brando type?

[1:11:29] Yeah, I could say that.

[1:11:30] But literally, if I'm going into a big meeting or something, that's the undershirt I wear where I'm like,

[1:11:35] I know I'm going to feel like I'm a cooler person if I'm wearing this

[1:11:40] than if I'm wearing one of my ratty Hanes undershirts.

[1:11:43] That's good, because Mack Weldon wants you to be comfortable.

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[1:12:05] You're going to like the way it feels.

[1:12:07] We guarantee it.

[1:12:08] Dan, what is it about the sponsor spots that ages you decades in a moment?

[1:12:12] I'm trying.

[1:12:13] Like the girl at the beginning of The Haunting.

[1:12:15] I'm trying to slow down so people can hear the important message I'm giving them about our sponsors.

[1:12:22] It's like you picked the jeweled goblet in the temple.

[1:12:26] Rather than the simple play cup of a carpenter's son.

[1:12:29] In a way that's going to disorientate and disrupt and upset the listeners.

[1:12:35] Yeah, because you know what, Dan?

[1:12:36] You know what people hate to hear in their ad pitches?

[1:12:38] Disorient is the word I was looking for, by the way, not disorientate.

[1:12:42] Dan, you know what people hate in their advertisements?

[1:12:44] Fast talking.

[1:12:45] That's why Micro Machines is not the best.

[1:12:48] They went out of business a long time ago.

[1:12:50] That's why Micro Machines didn't have the best ads ever because they're fast talker.

[1:12:53] Because people hate that.

[1:12:55] So, Dan, what else do we have coming on?

[1:12:57] We got some Jumbotrons, right?

[1:13:02] Stuart, do you want to read your Jumbotron first or shall I?

[1:13:04] You know I do.

[1:13:06] The Order of the Grand Lock is a secret society that has existed for centuries with the power to control governments, topple empires, and cancel your favorite TV shows.

[1:13:20] That's right, scrubs.

[1:13:22] What?

[1:13:24] And now they figured out how email newsletters work.

[1:13:31] Subscribe today at thegrandlock.com and each week you'll get a short newsletter in your inbox with tales of Grand Lock history, etiquette, and petty infighting among their mysterious ranks.

[1:13:47] It's occasionally weird, often funny, but always intriguing.

[1:13:51] Be counted among the Grand Lock's secret ranks and unravel their mystery.

[1:13:56] Subscribe for free at thegrandlock.com.

[1:14:00] Now is it lock like a door lock or like lock mess?

[1:14:03] Like a door lock.

[1:14:04] Okay.

[1:14:05] But that is a suitable question.

[1:14:07] Your question has been deemed suitable.

[1:14:11] Thank goodness.

[1:14:12] I was worried I would age and turn into dust like Donovan in The Last Crusade or Donovan the Folk Singer.

[1:14:17] They call him Mellow Yellow because he is a moldering yellow pile of dust.

[1:14:24] Yellow mold is a terrifying enemy to encounter in a dungeon.

[1:14:29] Hurdy-gurdy man indeed.

[1:14:30] Okay.

[1:14:31] Here's a Jumbotron for Evan from Zach.

[1:14:34] Again, that's for Evan from Zach.

[1:14:36] Happy birthday to my best friend in flopitude.

[1:14:38] My gift to you is this message read by your favorite flopper, Elliot, unless it is read by Dan or Stuart, in which case they are now your favorite.

[1:14:46] Nope.

[1:14:47] Elliot got it right the first time.

[1:14:48] While you aren't pervazoid number one, you are certainly up there in the pervazoid rankings.

[1:14:52] May your days be filled with all the good bad movies you can handle.

[1:14:56] What a sweet message of friendship and birthday wishes.

[1:14:59] And following that up, Dan, I believe we have some performance announcements.

[1:15:03] May I make them or would you like to?

[1:15:05] I've gotten a little bit exhausted.

[1:15:06] It's because last night we just did two back-to-back sweet shows at the Bill House.

[1:15:13] But that's not all.

[1:15:14] Those may have been our last New York shows for the foreseeable future.

[1:15:17] I'm moving to Los Angeles.

[1:15:18] But we've got some out-of-town – we've got an out-of-town show.

[1:15:21] We have a New York show that is a riffing show and not a podcast recording.

[1:15:24] Yeah.

[1:15:25] So I would not call it a flop house show because it's a flop night bad movie night show.

[1:15:29] Uh-huh.

[1:15:30] Now, the first, July 16th, we'll be in Philadelphia.

[1:15:34] That's right.

[1:15:35] The cradle of the revolution – no, wait a minute.

[1:15:38] It was Boston, the cradle of the revolution.

[1:15:39] Dan?

[1:15:40] I think cradle of the revolution is in your heart.

[1:15:44] Thank you.

[1:15:45] The city of brotherly love.

[1:15:46] The city of brotherly love.

[1:15:48] We'll welcome the three flop brothers at the Philadelphia Podfest or Philly Podfest if you're feeling like you know them well enough.

[1:15:54] July 16th at 8 p.m.

[1:15:57] 7 p.m.

[1:15:58] Doors at 7.30 p.m.

[1:15:59] Oh, shit.

[1:16:00] Okay.

[1:16:01] Right, Dan?

[1:16:02] Yeah.

[1:16:03] Well, we went over this before the movie started.

[1:16:05] Yes, we did.

[1:16:06] So Elliot should have the most accurate information.

[1:16:07] It's okay.

[1:16:08] If people show up at 7, it's not like they're going to be like, fuck this.

[1:16:11] I'm not waiting an hour to see those nerds.

[1:16:13] Better to show up at 7 for an 8 o'clock show than show up at 8 o'clock for a 7 o'clock show.

[1:16:16] All right.

[1:16:17] Let's be clear about it.

[1:16:18] Well, I'll tell you what.

[1:16:19] You know what the clearest thing is, Dan?

[1:16:20] If you go to phillypodfest.com, you'll see that on July 16th, that night, we will be

[1:16:25] performing a live recording of a flop house episode.

[1:16:28] It's going to be all three of us, our first ever show in Philadelphia.

[1:16:32] Philadelphia's got a lot of great stuff.

[1:16:33] It's got the world's best collection of Marcel Duchamp's work.

[1:16:36] It's got the Liberty Bell, and it's going to have us for just one night only.

[1:16:39] And we'll probably announce the movie—

[1:16:40] And they pour fake cheese all over everything.

[1:16:42] Yeah, we'll probably announce the movie next episode.

[1:16:45] Yeah, I think that makes sense.

[1:16:46] They don't pour fake cheese on everything.

[1:16:48] So what you should do is—

[1:16:49] Everything.

[1:16:50] —draft all tweets to atdankmccoy as to what movie we should watch.

[1:16:55] Actually, I wouldn't mind that if you have suggestions.

[1:16:58] People of Philadelphia, if you want to see us talk about a particular movie, tweet at

[1:17:02] Dan, atdankmccoy, and let him know.

[1:17:05] And then, less than a week later, on July 22nd, at Brooklyn's Alamo Draft House Theater,

[1:17:12] we'll be having a flop night.

[1:17:13] Wait, is that July 22nd?

[1:17:14] No, that's June 22nd.

[1:17:16] What?

[1:17:17] Oh, man.

[1:17:18] Oh, boy.

[1:17:19] It's going to get weird.

[1:17:20] Oh, boy.

[1:17:21] I just want to point out that the Philly Podfest, in addition to a ton of shows—

[1:17:23] I apologize.

[1:17:24] I wrote that down wrong.

[1:17:25] Great shows from Maximum Fun that are doing shows there.

[1:17:28] We got this with Hal Lublin and Mark Agliardi, two great guys.

[1:17:32] And Sawbones, right?

[1:17:33] Yeah.

[1:17:34] I'm always playing video games without Hal Lublin on the internet.

[1:17:38] And Sawbones with Sidney and Justin McElroy.

[1:17:42] Three Maximum Fun shows, but the one you're going to want to see is the Flop House one, right?

[1:17:46] But I think they're not at the same time, so you can see them all if you want.

[1:17:48] You can see them all at the same time, yeah.

[1:17:49] It's a podfest.

[1:17:50] See more than one.

[1:17:51] It's a festival.

[1:17:52] Yeah, go crazy.

[1:17:53] It's called Podfiestas in the Spanish.

[1:17:54] It says do what your body wants.

[1:17:56] Just do what your body wants.

[1:17:57] And your body wants tons of podcasts.

[1:17:59] And now I apologize for misremembering the date of the other one and misremembering the month of it.

[1:18:03] I'm a busy man.

[1:18:04] I got a lot going on.

[1:18:05] June 22nd, we'll be doing a show at the—

[1:18:07] That's this month.

[1:18:08] This month.

[1:18:09] That is bare weeks from when this episode is released.

[1:18:13] We'll be at the Brooklyn Alamo Draft House for Flop Night.

[1:18:16] Flop Night.

[1:18:17] Once again, we're teaming up with the I Love Bad Movies crew of Matt Carman and Xenia Yaroche

[1:18:21] to riff over a real movie, not record an episode where we're talking about a movie,

[1:18:26] but to talk over a movie, and oh boy, what movie is it, guys?

[1:18:30] Stolen.

[1:18:32] Stolen starring Nicolas Cage.

[1:18:35] It's Stolen starring Nicolas Cage.

[1:18:37] And you know what?

[1:18:38] We've riffed over a lot of bad movies.

[1:18:40] Finally, we're going to watch a good movie, stupids.

[1:18:43] Yeah, it's actually a pretty fun movie.

[1:18:45] And I've got to say, I don't want to threaten anyone, but this is—

[1:18:48] Okay.

[1:18:49] Chill the fuck out, dude.

[1:18:52] We may—look, with LA moving, it'll be harder to do live shows in New York.

[1:18:57] We are going to be doing live shows across the U.S. and Canada.

[1:19:01] Other planets.

[1:19:02] We're going to try and do—

[1:19:03] Yeah, other planets even.

[1:19:04] The moon.

[1:19:05] We're going to try and—

[1:19:06] Other dimensions.

[1:19:07] We're Hitler 1.

[1:19:08] Ego the living planet.

[1:19:09] We're going to try and spread out our live shows.

[1:19:11] Those two.

[1:19:13] But I think that this may be capping our live riffing shows in New York career.

[1:19:19] I mean, it's a good possibility is all I'm saying.

[1:19:22] It's possible.

[1:19:23] Who knows what may happen in the far future, but I think it's a possibility.

[1:19:27] So if you want to see us—if you live in New York and you want to see us riffing on a movie,

[1:19:32] this will be your last bet for some time.

[1:19:34] I'm excited about doing it because that was kind of how we started doing our live shows.

[1:19:38] Definitely.

[1:19:39] And we started doing our live shows with Matt and Ksenia of I Love Bad Movies and with Christina.

[1:19:44] And we're seeing a programmer now at the Alamo Draft House.

[1:19:47] It's going to be this great bittersweet love letter to just like us.

[1:19:52] Honestly, like—

[1:19:53] A bittersweet love letter to ourselves.

[1:19:55] Honestly, like if it's going to be, I know, an emotional experience for me.

[1:20:00] There's gonna be a lot of people that I'm doing the show with that

[1:20:02] I'm gonna be moving far away from and just will not have the same contact with and so if

[1:20:08] Audience members want to see me probably tearing up at the end of it

[1:20:12] Come on down to the Apple

[1:20:15] June 22nd just show up and tear up a picture of Abraham Lincoln. No, I

[1:20:21] Mean, it's no worse than what was done to him in real life. His head was ripped apart by a bullet

[1:20:26] But and or maybe I'm just crying at the majesty that is Nicholas Cage and stolen who knows. Mm-hmm

[1:20:34] Apologize again about getting the I'd written the month down wrong. That's always

[1:20:38] Sometimes I get confused about what's my

[1:20:41] Apology yeah next I'll do

[1:20:43] Apology in July. Sorry for everybody who missed that show cuz I go. So that's July 16th in Philadelphia and

[1:20:50] 22nd I was officially in the no bozo zone

[1:20:57] I have a letter that I prepared with my attorney. I

[1:21:01] Feel sadness and shame for myself my family and the organizations

[1:21:06] I represent for my activities and behavior, which can only be described as having a high degree of bozo quality. I

[1:21:14] Yes, I know I'm fully aware that I was in the bozo no bozo

[1:21:18] so I was in the no bozo zone at the time zone on the bone zone either and

[1:21:23] my being a bozo and being full of bones

[1:21:27] Were both reprehensible and I'm ashamed and I will do everything in my power to avoid such problems in the future

[1:21:32] Yeah, I love Elliot. I didn't like Elliot's mistake, but he's kind of a class act is apology. So I'll let him back into the zone

[1:21:39] Thanks, so damn letter bag we don't have time for a letter song let's get to the letter

[1:21:48] Let's get to those letters cuz we're running out of time it's late right now in the

[1:21:55] Episodes long let's just cut to the letters no time for a song. It's letters time. It's letters time

[1:22:03] Let's get those quick letters going right now, let's sing a song but let's not there's no time

[1:22:10] Let's do a shot and you missed it. It's letter time

[1:22:15] Thanks, I guess I could have sang a song what I didn't cuz we know a lot of time

[1:22:19] Yeah, all right. This is letters from listeners

[1:22:22] Our our first letter is from Jackie last name with Jackie Burke the main character of the film

[1:22:33] Yeah, no, I mean though the character in your opinion what villain or supervillain has the best job prospects in today's competitive market

[1:22:42] Whose powers and our skills are exactly what employees are looking for?

[1:22:46] For example in the final episode of Sherlock spoiler alert

[1:22:50] spoiler alert

[1:22:53] spoiler alert

[1:22:54] Eurus Holmes Sherlock's secret crazy sister man

[1:22:58] Manages to take over a high-tech island prison and sets up a saw style death maze filled with carefully time-trapped

[1:23:04] That's right. Sherlock lost its way

[1:23:07] One of which involved transporting the unconscious main character hundreds of miles away

[1:23:12] All of the power pretending to be a little girl on a crashing plane for some reason

[1:23:16] Yeah, all of the power of her psychotic brainwashing abilities a lot of prep and people must have been involved

[1:23:23] She's not getting enough talent credit for her and her family

[1:23:26] She's not getting enough talent credit for her amazing project management skills

[1:23:30] Yeah, what villains have transferable talents that would really make a resume stand out. Thanks from Chicago Jackie last name withheld

[1:23:37] Well, I feel like in Suicide Squad

[1:23:40] Harley Quinn has a real talent for dealing with difficult men without losing her poise and gaining their respect

[1:23:48] Without you know bringing herself to do things that she's ashamed to do mainly because she has no shame

[1:23:53] And I feel like in today's both job and political market that would be a real source of strength I

[1:23:59] feel like

[1:24:00] Blofeld

[1:24:02] He is a real affinity for animals

[1:24:05] Like he could be a veterinary assistant the way he is able to threaten James Bond

[1:24:09] Well petting a white cat on his lap and not have that cat distress or runoff or anything shooting for the stars

[1:24:17] They like

[1:24:18] What do you mean?

[1:24:20] You know, I mean, yeah, I think it's super rich, right?

[1:24:23] Yeah, he spends billions of dollars talking about what he bases and things like where his talents lie

[1:24:28] Now have you ever heard the theory that Blofeld is actually the cat and he telepathically controls different men and makes them Blofeld

[1:24:35] Oh because they have different actors playing both. Oh, yeah, and that Blofeld is just a telepathic cat

[1:24:41] Okay, not heard of that, but I love it

[1:24:44] That's the only fan theory I've ever heard that I've liked. Okay. Well, there you go. Keep it under your pillow

[1:24:49] I guess

[1:24:51] Keep it there with a wish and a kiss

[1:24:56] It's gonna keep Morgan night like the princess and the pee. Mm-hmm. She kept peeing in her bed. No wonder she was waking up

[1:25:02] Uh-huh, cuz it feels warm at first and then it gets cold. It's really cold. Also princess was a horse

[1:25:08] I was gonna say, you know, I was gonna say

[1:25:12] Dr. Doom

[1:25:13] Cuz he's super rich and he's got lasers and he just doesn't give a shit

[1:25:17] Also, like a doctor is always in demand somewhere

[1:25:20] I feel like in this political climate just like his like charisma and like attitude and armor and shit and not giving a fuck

[1:25:27] Like he'd probably do really well

[1:25:29] There's also there's a villains like the trapster originally on his paste pot Pete who has this super glue and it's like

[1:25:36] Why are you committing crimes?

[1:25:38] Just sell that glue sell the glue dude, you got it right there. You have a costume perfect for

[1:25:44] For infomercials like the wizard has anti-gravity discs and it's like he had a power glove. What movie was I watching?

[1:25:54] Different wizard he has anti-gravity discs. It's like why are you using those to commit crimes? Try to take over the world more has

[1:26:01] Gravity boy, you know what Dan? Let's go to the next letter

[1:26:04] Alright next letters from Paula last name withheld Giamatti

[1:26:09] Paula Giamatti. Oh Paul. Yeah Paul's sister. I thought you were doing it like it was just Italian Paul

[1:26:15] Lester name of it held

[1:26:17] This it goes like this. Thank you so much for your podcast

[1:26:21] It sure makes a nice workday when I can tune in to listen to the three pals. Yuck it up about

[1:26:27] Questionable movie culture, even though I do worry sometimes about Dan's well-being. Are you okay, Dan? Those other guys can be so mean

[1:26:34] My questions. Oh, yeah, that's what's causing Dan's problems

[1:26:41] In your own biopics

[1:26:42] What would be the last line spoken and who would deliver it and while we're here what music would see the movie out?

[1:26:48] Oh interesting. Thanks again and best wishes Paula last name withheld

[1:26:52] now clearly

[1:26:54] for reasons that you

[1:26:56] Stayed in your own letter. The last lines of the movie for my movie would be

[1:27:02] How could we go on without Dan and it would be Elliot and Stewart saying it and then as we cut to black there would

[1:27:09] Just be two gunshots sound effects

[1:27:11] So what's the song that plays like I'm walking on sunshine, but crossroads bugs in harmony

[1:27:19] No to be more serious about what song I would like to play I don't know

[1:27:22] I think that five years off of Ziggy Stardust. I would like very much or

[1:27:27] This is maybe a little obvious

[1:27:29] Me since I'm talking head span and this is since I'm I almost said since I'm talking head

[1:27:36] since I am talking heads and

[1:27:40] This is their most sentimental song but naive melody would be a nice song

[1:27:45] Yeah, sure. I play over the end of a of a biopic or at a wake. Let's say

[1:27:50] For me when I die Elliot get on it. I'll remember. Yeah, like I'm not gonna remember that

[1:27:56] It's the first song I'll think of when you die and I play it at your wake

[1:27:59] There's a sweet song

[1:28:01] You know for a long time. I assume the music they would play over the

[1:28:05] Closing credits of my biopic would be hallowed be thy name by Iron Maiden

[1:28:11] It's probably my way by Frank Sinatra

[1:28:16] Last words would be and nowadays we call them computers

[1:28:22] And then somebody says covfefe and then I dab

[1:28:29] I

[1:28:37] Just think mine's gonna end you're just gonna see a police detective shaking his head sadly going

[1:28:42] too much chicken and then it'll probably go to

[1:28:46] either mother by Danzig or

[1:28:48] Leatherwing bat the Peter Paul and Mary version

[1:28:52] All right

[1:28:54] That's on how I'm feeling the day. I die. I know I'm gonna wake up early the day. I die. That's for sure

[1:28:58] Probably feel a fly buzz in my brain

[1:29:01] Wow

[1:29:02] So that I couldn't stop for death, but he kindly stopped for me. Yeah

[1:29:09] Thanks for all the references

[1:29:13] Anytime bud

[1:29:15] This next letter is actually

[1:29:19] Very serious, okay, let's dial it back guys. Sorry. Okay

[1:29:24] My name is we were we were just not being serious talking about our own demises. No, I know

[1:29:29] Well, I'll do our best. I'm just for you. So you don't joke him ups

[1:29:34] My name is Brian and I recently discovered the flop house to my fiance of six and a half years

[1:29:40] But sadly under bad circumstances

[1:29:42] He recently became blind at 29 due to her diabetes and gastro

[1:29:47] Pariasis, this has changed her life from the worst because we

[1:29:52] Because we got together bound by a love of our film and the cinema experience

[1:29:57] Her perfect films are back to the future and Ghostbusters

[1:30:00] but she will talk Kubrick and Alan all day long with you.

[1:30:03] Her dream to be a film director is shattered due to her blindness now.

[1:30:06] Even though she can't see to watch movies and maneuver her phone,

[1:30:09] she still manages to pull up y'all's podcasts.

[1:30:12] Each day she cries and wants to give up,

[1:30:14] but she manages to laugh with each Flophouse review.

[1:30:17] The Flophouse seemingly is keeping her going.

[1:30:19] We recently listened to the Ooh He Loves review and we laughed so hard together,

[1:30:23] a complete blessing in my opinion.

[1:30:25] I write this message to you guys, hoping you can help.

[1:30:28] Please, from the bottom of my heart,

[1:30:29] give a shout out to Catherine Agee of Longview, Texas.

[1:30:33] I believe in my heart it would be enough to give her a sense of strength.

[1:30:37] Also, we both think a terrific film to talk about is Prince's Under the Cherry Moon.

[1:30:41] Jesus, you have to see it to understand what we mean, but it's so cringeworthy.

[1:30:44] She was going to do a What the Fuck film review of it, but now she's incapable.

[1:30:49] She's currently in the hospital, blind and listening to your voices now.

[1:30:53] Thank you with nerd love, Brian.

[1:30:55] Last name withheld.

[1:30:57] So, a shout out definitely to Catherine Agee of Longview, Texas.

[1:31:02] Thanks for writing in.

[1:31:05] Not much to say about this, but...

[1:31:07] No, I mean, yeah, definitely a shout out.

[1:31:14] Like, Catherine, you're struggling with something that I know,

[1:31:19] like, that's one of my biggest fears.

[1:31:21] Mine as well, yeah.

[1:31:23] I can't imagine it, but it sounds like you have somebody in your life who loves you very much,

[1:31:31] and I think that you have the strength to push through this and,

[1:31:37] I mean, hope and find a way to move forward with your life.

[1:31:43] And I think if we can provide any gateway to the world of film for somebody who loves film

[1:31:50] but can't experience it anymore, like, that's the...

[1:31:54] This whole fucking thing is worthwhile.

[1:31:56] Yeah, there's no better reason for us to continue to put up with each other day in and day out.

[1:32:04] But Stuart has spoken, I think, certainly how I feel about this too, very eloquently.

[1:32:12] It's the booze.

[1:32:14] But thank you for writing in and telling us about this.

[1:32:17] Catherine, thank you for listening.

[1:32:18] And we'll be thinking of you, and you'll be in our thoughts and our prayers.

[1:32:23] And yeah, I don't know you, but I know that you can push through this

[1:32:29] and that you will find the things in life that are

[1:32:34] bringing you wonder and joy and happiness and love still.

[1:32:37] And if us yammering on and making fun of Dan when he mispronounces his face

[1:32:43] is part of that, then I feel very lucky.

[1:32:46] If I can mispronounce things for your advantage, then all the better.

[1:32:50] For his advantage?

[1:32:51] So she's not making money on the stock market based on it?

[1:32:56] I mean, if she's not, she can make a pretty good bet against me.

[1:32:59] Oh, that's true.

[1:33:00] Yeah.

[1:33:00] Of course, when Dan misspoke, he was giving me a stock tip.

[1:33:06] That Las Vegas odds makers do lay, they're not...

[1:33:09] I mean, you're not going to make a ton of money off of a Dan,

[1:33:12] is he or is he not going to mispronounce odd?

[1:33:14] But if you can guess the actual word that he mispronounces,

[1:33:17] and if you can also guess when it happens and also what he mispronounces it as,

[1:33:23] that's a trifecta that can pay big bucks.

[1:33:25] Yeah.

[1:33:28] One last question before we go.

[1:33:31] I mean, we're going to do our recommendations, not before we go,

[1:33:34] but before we go out of the segment.

[1:33:37] Hey, ho to my favorite jizz cast.

[1:33:39] This is from Pete.

[1:33:40] A real change in tone.

[1:33:42] A real neck snapping.

[1:33:43] Really shocks me out of that one, Dave.

[1:33:45] Squeak.

[1:33:46] Oh, I have whiplash.

[1:33:48] Oh, wow.

[1:33:51] Well, I mean, in all fairness, we are a pretty good jizz cast.

[1:33:53] Yeah.

[1:33:54] It's just, I feel like the person who curates these letters, one Dan McCoy,

[1:33:59] that was an unfair juxtaposition.

[1:34:01] But continue, shall you?

[1:34:04] My question is, if someone comes with a stretcher and a garbage bag,

[1:34:07] which one of you is getting on the stretcher,

[1:34:09] and which two of you are getting in the bag?

[1:34:11] Oh.

[1:34:11] Oh, that's a good point.

[1:34:13] Dan's the hero that gets on the stretcher, and we're the two pieces of shit.

[1:34:18] We're getting the garbage bag.

[1:34:19] And they just need one bag, because I'm pretty small.

[1:34:21] I'm not going to take up a lot of room.

[1:34:22] Yeah, you can share my bag, dude.

[1:34:24] And then they can take the other bag and fill it with, I don't know,

[1:34:26] like gummy bears or something.

[1:34:29] For the ride to the mortuary.

[1:34:31] Yeah, and especially if it's one of those glad bags that stretches a lot,

[1:34:35] like those quilted ones.

[1:34:37] We can definitely fit in.

[1:34:38] Dan, you want to join this bag party?

[1:34:40] Yeah, I mean, I kind of feel left out now that I'm on this nice stretcher.

[1:34:43] I mean, you deserve the stretcher.

[1:34:44] Sure, you're a hero.

[1:34:45] The stretcher is a Casper mattress, though, so it's going to be really comfortable.

[1:34:48] Oh, yeah.

[1:34:49] It's just the right bounce, from what I hear.

[1:34:54] I don't like hearing you say the word bounce.

[1:34:58] Well, thanks for those kind words.

[1:35:02] What do we do now, Dan?

[1:35:03] Now is the time in the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually liked,

[1:35:09] in lieu of watching The Comedian, which made me curious.

[1:35:12] That's weird.

[1:35:13] You're giving me the stretch it.

[1:35:16] It's fine.

[1:35:17] Okay, I guess we can talk forever.

[1:35:20] So I'm going to recommend a movie I saw recently that I definitely liked.

[1:35:24] Now, I don't know if it hit me a little bit harder,

[1:35:27] because I'm going through the process of moving my house,

[1:35:30] which I described earlier when I made that hilarious home improvement joke.

[1:35:39] I'm going to recommend a movie called We Are Still Here.

[1:35:42] It's a little ghost story horror movie.

[1:35:46] I think it clocks in at like 80 minutes, 85 minutes.

[1:35:50] So you know that's great.

[1:35:52] In, out, done.

[1:35:55] Now, it's got some familiar faces.

[1:35:57] It's got Barbara Crampton in it, who gives a great performance.

[1:36:01] Barbara Crampton.

[1:36:02] Love her.

[1:36:03] Put her in every horror movie.

[1:36:04] She's great.

[1:36:05] And it also has my boy Larry Fessenden in it.

[1:36:08] An all-star.

[1:36:09] Yeah, another horror, like, low-budget alt-horror guy.

[1:36:16] Did you ever see, what was that, what was that fucking vampire movie?

[1:36:19] He was in like a long time ago.

[1:36:21] And I remember.

[1:36:22] But, so it's this great little ghost story about a couple who move into an old house

[1:36:29] in a new town after the loss of their son.

[1:36:32] And they start noticing some strangeness that appears to be supernatural.

[1:36:40] And they assume it is their son trying to communicate with them.

[1:36:44] And they take steps to kind of figure out what's going on.

[1:36:49] And it's a pretty great little, also, it's gory, but not, like, crazy over the top.

[1:36:58] It's just a fun little ghost, like, ghosty horror movie.

[1:37:02] Check it out.

[1:37:02] We are still here.

[1:37:05] Um, the movie I'm going to recommend, I remember barely anything about.

[1:37:10] What's still in the blanks?

[1:37:12] It's called...

[1:37:12] The Mad Libs of Recommendations.

[1:37:14] It's called She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.

[1:37:16] Oh.

[1:37:17] It's one of John Ford's calorie films.

[1:37:19] Stars John Wayne.

[1:37:21] The second, I believe, of his Cavalry trilogy.

[1:37:23] I remember it as being a very, very good movie that I liked a lot.

[1:37:28] And that's about all I can remember about it.

[1:37:30] Uh, I'm recommending it.

[1:37:32] Well, the color photography is beautiful.

[1:37:34] It is.

[1:37:35] It's about a cavalry outpost.

[1:37:37] Okay.

[1:37:37] John Wayne plays a retiring, uh, I don't know his rank is.

[1:37:41] But he's, he basically, he's the head commanding officer there.

[1:37:44] Uh, he's a widower.

[1:37:46] Uh, and it is kind of the, uh, there's something very autumnal about it.

[1:37:51] Both the passing of him out of the military orders and also the passing of this kind of

[1:37:59] way of life of this core of men.

[1:38:00] There are young men there, but the world that they're going to live in and the America they're

[1:38:04] going to live in is going to be a different, much less wild, but also in a way must let

[1:38:09] much less romantic world than the one that John Wayne has been fighting for.

[1:38:13] And the politics of it, of course, are complicated now because it is very much

[1:38:17] valorizing the men whose job was just to kill the hell out of Native Americans.

[1:38:21] I'm watching Dan's face, uh, as he realizes that he actually didn't like this movie.

[1:38:25] It's all, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it's a beautiful movie.

[1:38:28] And it's actually, it's got a lot of very funny parts.

[1:38:30] There are some cattle drive moments that are a little long.

[1:38:33] Uh, people who used to watch old Westerns loved watching cattle move.

[1:38:37] But, uh, no, I, it's actually,

[1:38:39] This face is me being like, this all sounds familiar.

[1:38:42] I would call it Dan, my third favorite John Ford movie.

[1:38:45] No, I remember it being a very great John Ford movie.

[1:38:48] And, uh, the reason I can't remember anything about it is just because I realized very late

[1:38:53] in this podcast that I hadn't seen any movies since we last were together and I can't remember

[1:39:00] any movies.

[1:39:01] And, uh, what movie did I like in the past?

[1:39:05] She wore a yellow ribbon.

[1:39:08] That was one of them.

[1:39:09] It's very nice.

[1:39:10] That's a great choice.

[1:39:11] Dan, you got any plans to see movies in the future?

[1:39:15] Uh, yeah.

[1:39:16] Why don't I recommend a movie?

[1:39:17] Okay.

[1:39:18] Uh, I was, I was thinking now a movie I saw recently that I was already recommend was

[1:39:23] the GW Pabst version of the three penny opera.

[1:39:25] Okay.

[1:39:26] But I actually found myself kind of dry gross and opera.

[1:39:29] Exactly.

[1:39:29] I found myself kind of not fully satisfied by the film.

[1:39:33] And it's a film of a show that I love.

[1:39:35] And you do see a lot of Lenya perform the pirate Jenny song, my favorite song from the show.

[1:39:39] But, uh, I started thinking we were watching the comedian.

[1:39:42] Is there a movie that has a scene of someone performing standup comedy that I actually

[1:39:46] find funny?

[1:39:47] And I could think of one, the Muppet movie with Fozzie the bear performing standup comedy.

[1:39:52] And lately, uh, it's a movie I think about a lot, mainly because it seems to be on the

[1:39:56] TV all the time because it's my son's favorite movie, but also

[1:40:00] very much about friends moving to,

[1:40:03] and who become a family moving to Los Angeles

[1:40:06] to make careers in the larger entertainment world.

[1:40:10] And so I've been relating to it a lot lately

[1:40:12] and finding myself very close to tears

[1:40:16] during the move and ride along number

[1:40:18] and at the very end when they sing

[1:40:21] about how life's like a movie and all that stuff.

[1:40:23] And so, the Muppet Movie, watch it.

[1:40:26] At this point, it's gone from a movie I enjoyed as a kid

[1:40:29] to a movie that is like one of the fibers of my heart.

[1:40:32] And so, I recommend that one.

[1:40:34] It's also got Fozzie doing stand-up comedy in it.

[1:40:38] Sounds good.

[1:40:39] Three unqualified records.

[1:40:41] No, you can say that as a joke,

[1:40:45] but I think that that's true.

[1:40:47] No, yeah, I'm with you.

[1:40:50] That's one of my favorite movies, too.

[1:40:51] The thing is, guys, every time I say stuff,

[1:40:54] it sounds like I'm being sarcastic.

[1:40:56] Yeah, it's true.

[1:40:57] It's called David Kaelin syndrome.

[1:41:00] DKS.

[1:41:01] Somewhere, David is listening to this podcast

[1:41:04] and being like, hey, what did I do?

[1:41:09] Yeah, the first time I noticed that I had it,

[1:41:11] I was in the bathroom and I looked in the mirror

[1:41:13] and I was wearing a hockey jersey.

[1:41:15] Oh!

[1:41:18] Yeah, he wears a lot of hockey jerseys.

[1:41:20] Oh, jerseys of all types.

[1:41:23] He's a real jersey boy.

[1:41:25] Literally, that's where we grew up.

[1:41:27] So, Dan, and he's also a member of whatever,

[1:41:30] what band was that in Jersey Boys?

[1:41:31] Four Tops.

[1:41:32] The Four Somethings.

[1:41:34] Yeah, the Four Tops.

[1:41:35] The Fleetwood Mac.

[1:41:37] The Fleetwood Mac.

[1:41:38] This is my Fleetwood Mac jukebox musical tusk.

[1:41:43] So, this is the part of the podcast where we say goodbye,

[1:41:46] where Elliot has been anxiously looking at his watch

[1:41:49] for about half an hour.

[1:41:51] Just to see how late I'm gonna get home.

[1:41:53] Yeah, I know, it makes sense.

[1:41:55] It checks out.

[1:41:57] We should get off the old podcast horn.

[1:42:00] I'm not sure if everyone's aware of the fact

[1:42:03] that we record these shows after we're done with work.

[1:42:06] So, we usually start watching.

[1:42:07] And after we watch the movie.

[1:42:08] And after we watch the movie.

[1:42:09] So, by the time we finish,

[1:42:10] it's usually fairly after midnight.

[1:42:13] And I don't know about you guys,

[1:42:14] but I need my booty sweep.

[1:42:18] Unless I wake up in the morning

[1:42:19] and I don't look booty full.

[1:42:22] That's what makes your booty so tight.

[1:42:25] I'm sleeping, yeah.

[1:42:26] Anyway.

[1:42:27] No, these jokes are getting better, guys.

[1:42:28] Let's just keep it up.

[1:42:32] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:42:35] Hey-o, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:42:38] Oh, sorry.

[1:42:39] This is Elliot.

[1:42:41] Hold on, you got.

[1:42:42] Thank you, everybody.

[1:42:43] And this is Elliot Kalin, stepping on Stuart's lines.

[1:42:47] Good night, everyone.

[1:42:48] You guys want to hold hands,

[1:42:49] maybe we could pray a little bit.

[1:42:50] Yeah.

[1:42:51] Yeah, let's pray.

[1:42:52] Okay.

[1:42:53] Dan, turn it off.

[1:42:54] I don't want to hear.

[1:42:55] No, I don't want anyone hearing my prayers.

[1:42:57] We're gathered here today

[1:42:58] to get through this thing called life, et cetera.

[1:43:01] Oh, wow.

[1:43:04] Maximumfun.org.

[1:43:06] Comedy and culture.

[1:43:07] Fun for the soul.

[1:43:08] Fun for the body.

[1:43:09] Fun for the mind.

[1:43:09] Fun for the soul.

[1:43:15] Thanks, everybody.

[1:43:16] Maximumfun.org.

[1:43:18] Comedy and culture.

[1:43:19] Artist owned.

[1:43:20] Listener supported.

Ep.#233 - The Comedian

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