Ep. #237 - Ishtar

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Ishtar.

[0:05] The worst movie ever made.

[0:07] So says everyone circa 1988.

[0:10] Boi-oing-oing.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:40] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:42] Yep, I'm Stuart Wellendon.

[0:44] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:45] And Dan, this is a pretty special Flophouse, right?

[0:48] Uh, yep, we're all nude.

[0:51] We learned a lot.

[0:53] Listeners, I know you assume that we're nude in most episodes,

[0:55] but this is really the first time that we've done it, and I think...

[0:58] We're recording on, like, the hottest day of the year.

[1:00] Yeah, it is.

[1:01] We figured if we, like, stripped all our clothes off,

[1:03] we'd be, like, in a sweat lodge, and we could see visions.

[1:06] Uh, but the only visions I'm seeing are...

[1:08] Are of wieners.

[1:09] Yeah.

[1:10] Rivulets of sweat pooling around my, uh, my distended ball sack.

[1:17] Well, goodnight, everybody.

[1:19] That's the show.

[1:20] That's the show. That's it.

[1:22] Oh.

[1:24] Oh, boy.

[1:25] Sorry.

[1:26] It's so hot.

[1:27] It is very hot in my...

[1:28] We jumped the sack, as the kids like to say.

[1:31] It is very hot in Dan's apartment,

[1:33] and I don't mean hot like the hottest club in town.

[1:36] I mean hot like, uh...

[1:39] Like in Cleveland.

[1:40] Yeah, how hot it gets in Cleveland.

[1:42] Old ladies, you know?

[1:43] Is that a Hot Flashes, like, menopause thing?

[1:46] I think so.

[1:47] I think you're being unfair to say old ladies.

[1:49] Uh, Betty White?

[1:50] Well, I guess.

[1:52] I guess the other women in it are not old.

[1:54] What do you got there?

[1:55] You got, uh, is it Wendy Malick in there?

[1:56] Yeah, Wendy Malick. Jane Leaves.

[1:57] Okay.

[1:58] And another woman, I think.

[1:59] And Betty White.

[2:00] All right.

[2:01] There's comedy all-stars.

[2:03] I think originally it was gonna be called Golden Girls 21st Century.

[2:06] But they weren't old enough yet.

[2:08] Was that...

[2:09] Was that like when they did the Marvel 2099?

[2:12] Exactly.

[2:13] And Goose Ryder looked crazy?

[2:15] Yeah, he was like a robot.

[2:16] Yeah.

[2:17] Oh, that's stupid.

[2:18] And Doctor Doom 29 was...

[2:19] 2099 was...

[2:20] But Doctor Doom 29 was just a cheap Doctor Doom.

[2:23] It was $29.

[2:25] $29.

[2:26] $29.99 for a Doctor Doom.

[2:28] That's a good price for a Doctor Doom.

[2:30] Now, Dan...

[2:31] You can dictate your own country.

[2:32] What?

[2:33] Or a letter.

[2:34] Yeah.

[2:35] Dan, why is it really a special episode?

[2:36] Aside from the fact that, one, we're not wearing clothes.

[2:39] Because, two, it is so incredibly moist and hot

[2:42] that it feels like we're in a swamp somewhere.

[2:46] Uh, there's two reasons why this is a special episode.

[2:50] One, sad.

[2:51] One, happy.

[2:52] Okay.

[2:53] Which one should I go with first?

[2:54] I guess the sad.

[2:56] All right, this is the last episode that...

[3:00] The last regular episode.

[3:01] I'm sure that...

[3:02] It'll happen again.

[3:05] Just not for a while.

[3:06] This is the last episode that we are recording

[3:09] with Elliot in my apartment

[3:11] before he moves to L.A.

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:15] Before he dies.

[3:16] What?

[3:17] Dan, this is how my doctor wanted to tell me?

[3:19] Yeah.

[3:20] He called me and he said,

[3:22] do it gracefully.

[3:23] And I was like, I will not.

[3:26] Not a capability I have, sir.

[3:28] Thank you and goodbye.

[3:30] It's like the only thing that would have been worse

[3:32] is if you'd made me read it off a note.

[3:37] I did it in body paint on mine.

[3:40] That's when I took my shirt off for this all-nude episode.

[3:43] That's how I decided to get this message across.

[3:46] Yeah, you're so sweaty that the letters all melted.

[3:48] Like a Rorschach drawing.

[3:49] Yeah.

[3:50] I thought it said, Elliot is derring.

[3:53] I was like, what does that mean?

[3:55] Dying.

[3:56] I see that's what it means now.

[3:57] Yeah.

[3:58] And so, yeah, this will be...

[4:00] It's just about 10 days before my move, roughly.

[4:03] Oh, man, are you nervous?

[4:04] Really?

[4:05] Is that close?

[4:06] Yeah, yeah.

[4:07] It's a week from...

[4:08] You know what?

[4:09] Maybe it's more like 12 days.

[4:10] Do you feel that little tug in your butt

[4:13] where you're nervous that you're not going to get everything done in time?

[4:17] Not really.

[4:18] You feel that little tug in your butt?

[4:19] Yeah, dude.

[4:20] I don't.

[4:21] You mean a tug butt?

[4:22] A little butt tug.

[4:23] That's the little butt that helps the big butts?

[4:25] I don't usually feel a tug in my butt.

[4:29] When do you get nervous that you're going to get left behind or something?

[4:31] Well, I'm always nervous I'm going to get left behind

[4:33] because I don't believe that Jesus was a holy being.

[4:36] That makes you nervous?

[4:37] I mean, because there's always a little bit of me that's like,

[4:39] what if I'm wrong and I'm left in a world just full of empty clothes?

[4:42] Uh-huh, then you steal those clothes again.

[4:44] That's true.

[4:45] Never have to buy clothes again.

[4:47] I'm not nervous.

[4:50] I'm stressed out about getting things done for the day when the movers are coming,

[4:54] but other than that, I'm not nervous about it.

[4:55] Okay.

[4:56] Yeah.

[4:57] And we're actually releasing this episode,

[5:00] not to pull the curtain back too far,

[5:03] but we're releasing this episode a little later than we record it

[5:06] so it can coincide with our-

[5:08] Our fucking references are going to be dated.

[5:10] Oh, man.

[5:11] Well, hey, O.J. Simpson just got paroled today.

[5:14] That's still current, right?

[5:17] I hate to break it to you.

[5:19] He's already gone back to jail.

[5:21] Oh, no.

[5:22] How about that crazy New York Times interview with the president?

[5:25] I mean, another one of those will have happened probably, right?

[5:28] But, Dan, so why are we delaying it?

[5:30] We're delaying it a little bit.

[5:31] Are we thinking of baseball to make the pleasure last longer?

[5:34] No.

[5:35] We're going to make this a little special for our 10th anniversary.

[5:39] That's right.

[5:40] The Flophouse is 10 years old.

[5:42] That's right.

[5:43] Happy Flop Day to you.

[5:46] Dan.

[5:49] Stuart.

[5:50] Happy Flop Day, dear everybody,

[5:55] except me because I wasn't here the first few episodes.

[6:04] Yeah, you didn't come in until, like, five episodes in.

[6:07] What were you doing, man?

[6:09] Yeah, where were you?

[6:10] We need to talk about your performance.

[6:12] I think I was still overseas.

[6:14] Oh, yeah, fighting vampires.

[6:16] Yeah, with my buddy, Van Helsing.

[6:19] Oh, okay.

[6:20] And his buddy, Van Wilder.

[6:22] And their dad, Van Morrison.

[6:24] Listening to their favorite band, Van Halen.

[6:27] In, what else, their favorite type of vehicle, a VW Bug.

[6:35] What kind of shoes were they wearing?

[6:39] Vans.

[6:40] Thank you.

[6:41] I didn't know you were going to say air walks for a second.

[6:43] And you know what kind of rules they were paying attention to?

[6:46] What?

[6:47] Van der pump rules.

[6:48] Yep.

[6:49] You got to abide by those, even when you're in international waters.

[6:52] Mm-hmm, exactly.

[6:54] Their spray painting stuff because they're vandals.

[6:59] I'll allow it.

[7:00] Okay, I'll allow it.

[7:01] And their favorite Daily Show correspondent was Van DeGeneres.

[7:06] Yeah, the Flophouse is old now.

[7:09] It's weird.

[7:10] Yeah, it was pretty young a second ago.

[7:14] Time goes by pretty fast, dude.

[7:16] When you have a birthday and everyone goes, how do you feel, older?

[7:19] And it's like, no, because I've aged gradually over the course of the year.

[7:23] Yeah, thinking you'll miss it, you know.

[7:25] So when you guys started this podcast, let me take the place of the audience here for a minute.

[7:29] And we'll get to the movie in a little bit.

[7:31] Sorry.

[7:32] When you guys started this podcast, did you expect to be doing it a decade later?

[7:36] Nope.

[7:38] Just to give people an understanding, this podcast predates the Obama administration.

[7:44] When Dan suggested we do this podcast, and I'm like, yeah, okay, what's a podcast?

[7:51] And then we did it in my bedroom.

[7:54] Whoa, that's how he convinced you?

[7:57] Oh, man, yeah.

[8:00] Yeah, the prospect that anyone would listen to is crazy to me.

[8:06] But then, you know, Stuart from back then was a little different, a little bit more of a jerky rascal.

[8:11] He was a real jerky boy.

[8:14] If he liked a chicken, it was jerk chicken.

[8:17] Yep.

[8:18] If you had a crank, he would yank on it.

[8:22] Gotta yank them cranks.

[8:23] Hey, hey, hey, hey, keep your legs in the car, or else he's going to pull them.

[8:29] Yeah, so this is a—

[8:31] Let me tell you, Dan, when you envisioned doing a podcast for some crazy reason, did you expect—

[8:39] One crazy summer.

[8:41] Yep, that's the reference I was expecting you to go with.

[8:45] So I'm going to take that as a no, you didn't expect it to go this long.

[8:49] No, not this long.

[8:50] I thought maybe this was a route to popularity because this was a—

[8:55] No, I honestly did.

[8:57] I had enough foresight to think, like, okay, what is not an oversaturated type of media right now?

[9:03] Podcasts.

[9:04] That's, like, totally new, and you can do it from your apartment.

[9:08] So I was like, maybe this is the way that I'll get some sort of semblance of recognition in this cold, cruel world.

[9:16] Said eventual Emmy winner Dan McCoy.

[9:19] At the time, there were two podcasts.

[9:21] It was just this and a podcast called, Hey, Is My Mic On?

[9:27] Yeah, yeah.

[9:28] And another podcast called, I'm Trying to Record a Voicemail Message.

[9:32] Did I hit the wrong button?

[9:33] Yep.

[9:34] Yeah.

[9:35] And into that crowded market.

[9:36] And you have to hit the wrong button a bunch of times because you've got to put on lipstick.

[9:40] And even in that market, we were number three.

[9:42] Yep.

[9:43] But now the podcast market is very crowded and very cluttered, and Dan and Stuart, you guys are like pioneers.

[9:50] Yeah, early adopters.

[9:51] I mean, Ali, you didn't join it that much later.

[9:54] Yeah, we adopted you.

[9:56] Yeah, because he found me on your doorstep wrapped up in a little bundle.

[9:59] Wrapped up in a bundle.

[10:00] Ziggy comic the note that said please take care of my baby I am leaving him

[10:04] because he's irritating but yeah I joined you guys not too long after but

[10:11] I still like absolutely for creating the show or anything so what's as much as

[10:16] you want might want to try yeah oh I keep to claim every I say in my bios

[10:20] versus it always has parentheses creator of the fluff house and then Dan and

[10:25] Stuart sue me and I've got to take it out and once Tyler the creator sued me

[10:28] yeah that was weird I mean he just claims to create everything

[10:32] but to make him God yep I think that's implied okay part of the name um so what

[10:40] do we what do we do on this show oh yeah what have we been doing for other than

[10:43] you're laughing ourselves in the back for not dying yeah we're persisting yes

[10:49] you know what Dan Mitch McConnell tried to shut us down and yet we persisted

[10:52] yeah it took us like five years to come up with an actual schedule to that's

[10:57] true this is great it used to be like a week Dan would text me and now they'd

[11:00] be like oh it's we should record it's been a while since we recorded you guys

[11:04] free tomorrow it's a it took a long time for we were like wait a minute wait a

[11:08] minute wait if we if we plan it ahead of time we can make sure our schedules are

[11:13] free yeah we can look ahead to time something that like I assume caveman

[11:18] discovered like this afternoon let's let's go out and hunt bison yeah cuz I

[11:25] think cavemen had this concept of noon down all right yeah yeah cavemen were

[11:32] like hey when we're done with brunch because it's Sunday why don't we go hunt

[11:37] some bison yeah mammoths or mannix as they would be called in 10,000 BC yeah

[11:41] 10,000 not the number of years we've done this show that's 1,000 times the

[11:45] number but Dan for the 10th anniversary we decided to do a special movie not

[11:49] your regular run-of-the-mill big budget right recent Hollywood flopbuster now

[11:53] there are a lot of things that were discussed schlockbuster now or cocked

[11:59] slobber we talked about a lot of things a lot of ideas were tossed around we

[12:05] thought we talked about doing stealth again which was our very first movie and

[12:10] Elliot didn't feedback from the listeners pointed that we should watch a

[12:14] movie yeah feedback from the listeners it was all over the place

[12:18] disappointed a poll was taken and it was a very extensive poll and I and I thank

[12:23] the people who took the poll was not us there are people who honor on the

[12:26] Facebook group who did it and if I remember their names I thank them by

[12:29] name and they would ask should the flop house do this should I do this should I

[12:33] do this and the overwhelming answer to almost everyone was no they shouldn't do

[12:37] that so it was very difficult to get an answer so we decided ten years let's

[12:42] look back into history and see a movie that holds a special place in the

[12:46] popular consciousness of bad movies a movie that at this point it's hard it

[12:52] might be hard for the young people of today to realize that there was a time

[12:56] when this movie was literally the only word you had to say for the concept bad

[13:01] movie yeah it was a time when this movie was considered the nadir I just want to

[13:05] say that the survey was compiled by Megan trip thank you for putting all

[13:13] that work in that we didn't ultimately use unfortunately I mean we had some

[13:18] ideas that that the pole steers away from yeah that's true but uh so Dan what

[13:23] movie do we decide was so epic such a monument in the world of bad movies that

[13:29] we had to watch it for the 10th anniversary and I say this knowing we

[13:32] announced it at the beginning of the movie and it's also in the directory of

[13:36] episodes so they know what movie it is we're assuming Dan might switch it up

[13:40] and write like 10th anniversary flop tackler yeah you're like secret special

[13:45] movie thing we did announce at the beginning Dan what was that movie survey

[13:51] says the garage pail garbage pill kids I was going for no I'm interested in the

[14:00] garage pail so it is a pail full of garages yeah or it's just a pail someone

[14:06] left in a garage because I don't say yeah every garage in America has one

[14:09] random old pail in it the kids live in the pail or do they find the pail is it

[14:14] a magic pail or it doesn't have like a microchip in it that the government is

[14:18] after I just thought for a second the garage was the British pronunciation so

[14:27] the garage pail kids is of course based on that that very popular series of

[14:32] trading cards which are about kids that found uses for a pail their parents

[14:38] left in the garage let me flip through the cards here right now Oh ground level

[14:45] basketball hoop that's an interesting one oh cylindrical home semi cylindrical

[14:52] home for an action figure oh great okay here's one sandcastle maker these these

[15:00] cards will have a lot lack the irreverence another card those are the

[15:03] clowns Super Show ball catcher last-minute cereal bowl that's gonna be

[15:13] pretty last-minute that's a huge bowl of cereal though I like a lot of rice

[15:20] checks no we so we did not watch the garage pail kids or the garbage pail kids

[15:24] we watched Ishtar which has the distinction of being like post plan I

[15:32] from outer space pre the room they go to bad movie reference it feels like so

[15:39] let me take you back to the late 80s early 90s you guys were kids during that

[15:43] time so as I was a kid and there were there were a couple things that were

[15:48] just taken for granted by popular culture as a whole

[15:52] disco sucked which has since rightfully been overturned I guess the cultural

[15:59] Supreme Court looked back at that case and overturned the the case of disco be

[16:04] good yeah and they turned out like oh no there's a lot of good disco songs and

[16:08] Ishtar is a piece of crap and it was just like if you the way that you showed

[16:13] someone was wrong or dumb or had bad taste in popular culture was you had

[16:19] them either listening to disco or dressing in disco clothes where you had

[16:22] them talking about Ishtar and it's just taken for granted like as a kid I never

[16:25] saw Ishtar this is the first time I ever saw it but as a kid somehow it

[16:30] filtered down to me as someone who wasn't reading the trades that this and

[16:34] wasn't watching grown-up movies I remember my parents went to go see

[16:37] crimes and misdemeanors and I thought it was about the cops character

[16:40] misdemeanor that I didn't know what Ishtar was but somehow that's fucking

[16:44] awesome it'll be amazing movie right yeah somehow it filtered down to me a

[16:48] kid that Ishtar was the worst movie that there ever was and it make my mom

[16:53] explained to me the Farside Strip where the Hell's Video Store Hell's Video

[16:58] Store and all the videos are Ishtar which apparently since making that Gary

[17:03] Larson had not actually seen Ishtar and since making that strip he saw it on a

[17:08] plane and was like this is pretty good and so he wrote a redirection yeah well

[17:14] the thing is I was gonna say Ishtar has gone through its own reappraisal in part

[17:19] because people are like Elaine May made it she can't make anything bad she's

[17:23] part of a Nichols and May she made the Heartbreak Kid and other films of note

[17:30] a new leaf yeah she's written on lots of great stuff but she hasn't directed

[17:35] anything since Ishtar and the but it's just like there's been this reappraisal

[17:42] so when we were young Ishtar was just taken for granted bad movie to the point

[17:47] that when Waterworld came out ten years later they were like calling it fish

[17:53] tar mm-hmm and it's like one waterworlds not that bad wait is it because it's a

[18:00] fish lives in the water you cracked that code

[18:04] these are a professor of symbiology I guess he used your Turing machine to

[18:09] crack that one so people are like but now there's every movie that's bad you

[18:14] find at some point a reappraisal where people are like actually well it's it's

[18:19] quite good so we decided prequels are just misunderstood it's a rhyming in

[18:24] them what's great about it is every shot in it repeats a shot from the original

[18:29] series but with the thrills and emotion removed so I guess what they're saying

[18:33] to you is why did you enjoy the first ones and enforcing you to reappraise the

[18:38] first movies and assume that the second movies are just as good or better

[18:41] because they're exactly the same but without the fun stuff he's really

[18:46] messing with your head and that's what Star Wars is all about messing with your

[18:48] head I love that we're like all like doing kind of like a third party but

[18:52] we're still talking a little bit like George Lucas when we're doing it the

[18:56] magic of myth is that I can repeat all my old work but without the creative

[19:00] inspiration that it sounded a little like Jim Henson actually so Ishtar yeah

[19:06] consider it with it holds this monumental place in in the American

[19:10] consciousness for a while at least the room I feel like has has overtaken it

[19:13] somewhat plan 9 has overtaken it Ishtar is not what it once was in terms of

[19:17] people using it as a go-to reference but then it was reappraised by people so

[19:20] it's up to us the flop house to settle this case once and for all and what we

[19:25] can only call what movie court bum bum bum bum bum bum bum the plaintiff

[19:36] America the defendant Ishtar a 1987 film directed by Elaine May starring Dustin

[19:43] Hoffman and Warren Beatty America says that this movie is really bad but some

[19:47] America says the movie is not that bad Ishtar says hey I'm just a move me

[19:51] movie leave me alone will it move me and you and you the judges on flop house

[19:59] movie court

[20:00] Judge Flophouse presiding, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun.

[20:06] Okay, I want a clean fight, no punching above the belt.

[20:09] Okay, you're mixing metaphors.

[20:11] It's not a courtroom.

[20:12] Only punches below the belt, please.

[20:14] Welcome to the heavyweight crotch punching match.

[20:18] Butts and crotches only.

[20:19] Now, is this a night court?

[20:21] Is this a night court?

[20:22] Can we do crazy magic tricks and talk about Mel Torme?

[20:27] No, it's a food court.

[20:29] Crazy magic tricks.

[20:31] Yeah, he wasn't Doctor Strange or Baron Mordo.

[20:35] No, this is a food court, so we can only eat kind of crappy pizza

[20:39] and lukewarm, greasy Chinese food.

[20:42] All right.

[20:43] So, Ishtar.

[20:45] It's a movie about two guys.

[20:48] One of them is named Warren Beatty.

[20:50] And one of them is named Dustin Hoffman.

[20:53] The characters are not named that.

[20:54] The movie begins with a smash cut, guys.

[20:56] Does it begin with a smash cut?

[20:57] It almost does.

[20:58] It begins with them.

[20:59] The two leads singing a song over credits.

[21:01] Over the opening credits.

[21:02] The opposite of a smash cut in that the audio is preparing us for what we're about to see.

[21:09] So, Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty are two aspiring songwriters.

[21:13] They are not very good.

[21:15] And Warren Beatty is kind of a big, dumb lug who's very unsure of himself.

[21:20] And Dustin Hoffman is kind of thinks of himself as a smooth ladies man.

[21:25] I've read a number of times, the first time I saw it, about how the two characters were playing against type.

[21:30] But they're not really.

[21:32] Because it's not like Dustin Hoffman was known for playing dumb guys in movies.

[21:36] And it's not like Warren Beatty was known for playing like idiots who think that they're geniuses.

[21:43] Like think that they got it all figured out.

[21:45] Dustin Hoffman is playing a dumber version of his character from Midnight Cowboy, right?

[21:52] In like a more respectable one.

[21:55] I mean his character in Midnight Cowboy is effectively like a street person.

[22:00] Whereas here he's just a bad songwriter who thinks he's going to get to the top of his game.

[22:04] And we follow the two of them as they're trying to strike it big in New York.

[22:08] They're not very good singers.

[22:09] They want to be songwriters.

[22:11] But it's their agent, they get a cut rate agent, advises them that they should sing songs that people already know.

[22:17] And put together like a stage act with pattern.

[22:19] And I love he's like, you're missing pattern.

[22:22] You've got to have jokes.

[22:23] And it's like, was that what the big musical acts were doing in 1987?

[22:27] Like they had a stage act full of pattern and jokes?

[22:30] Is that what like Van Halen was doing?

[22:32] Were they known for their pattern?

[22:34] I mean I think they were clearly aiming for a more old-fashioned thing.

[22:39] And their agent was a more old-fashioned guy.

[22:43] But they like were looking at albums on the display window.

[22:49] And you've got like Talking Heads true stories on the side.

[22:52] And it's like David Byrne was not known for his crazy joke about pattern.

[22:56] No, I mean the big suit was kind of funny.

[22:58] Yeah.

[22:59] And he'd do that whole routine.

[23:00] I don't think it appears in Stop Making Sense.

[23:01] They cut it out where he'd be like, hey guys, either this suit's growing or I'm shrinking.

[23:09] And then he's like, I hope there's no SJWs out there.

[23:13] This is not a safe space.

[23:15] Wait, what?

[23:16] Weird.

[23:17] Yeah, he's a real bad boy when he's on stage.

[23:19] Bad boy David Byrne.

[23:24] There's a lot of – but we skipped over just the fact that there's just a lot of montages of them coming up with song lyrics.

[23:31] I thought you were saying we forgot to talk about the most important thing, Dan, which is we see a shot of old-timey big CD long boxes in the display window.

[23:40] And like my eyes almost popped out of my head.

[23:43] So much wasted packaging.

[23:45] Yeah.

[23:46] But go on, Dan.

[23:47] No, no.

[23:48] There's just like a lot of montages of them coming up with song lyrics and singing terrible songs.

[23:52] And wearing crazy shirts.

[23:54] Yeah.

[23:55] What is going on?

[23:56] They're always wearing like kimonos or weird like –

[23:59] Mashing headbands.

[24:00] Yeah.

[24:01] It's like they're – it feels like two old guys who are like trying to make fun of how people – how cool people dress in the 80s but they don't really know how cool people dress in the 80s.

[24:12] Like it's this very weird like kind of out-of-touch parody of what you imagine like Michael J. Fox would be wearing in a movie from that time.

[24:21] Yeah.

[24:22] But they look amazing.

[24:24] Yeah, and how old are they supposed to be?

[24:27] Because they look really old.

[24:29] They look I think older than they actually are.

[24:31] Like they're both – I think they were both in their 40s when they made this movie.

[24:34] Okay.

[24:35] And the characters – I'm not sure because it's mentioned at one point.

[24:37] Their agent says you're not young, and so it's like I think they are supposed to be like a little too old to be holding onto this dream, but they seem much too old.

[24:45] So is it like when you dress like an old guy in young people's clothes like – I don't know, like a tight T-shirt and a beanie with a propeller on it?

[24:54] It just makes that dude look way older.

[24:56] Yeah, yeah.

[24:58] There were times where it was like is the Dancing Six Flags guy the star of this movie because they look very old.

[25:04] At what point in history did kids actually wear beanies with propellers on them?

[25:07] That's what I want to know.

[25:08] Like that is a universal signifier for small child.

[25:11] Maybe when the helicopter was first invented.

[25:13] It's like here, here to commemorate this engineering marvel, here have this hat.

[25:19] I mean did they ever really eat giant lollies too?

[25:22] That's true.

[25:23] I mean go to Six Flags, dude.

[25:25] I would except that scary old dancing man is there.

[25:28] We're telling you to go to Six Flags.

[25:30] It's probably closed.

[25:31] It's the middle of the night.

[25:32] God damn it, Elliot.

[25:33] Do they do late night rides anymore?

[25:35] I mean I don't know.

[25:36] I guess I'll have to find out and go now.

[25:37] That sounds so dangerous.

[25:39] Why would you go?

[25:40] Oh, they turn all the lights off, and they just let the roller coasters run on their own, and you have to leap onto them and ride them and then leap off again, and it's called Suicide Flag's Great Adventure.

[25:50] Perfect, and that's tied in with DC's Suicide Squad because of marketing it.

[25:54] Yeah, because Warner Brothers has a deal with Six Flags.

[25:56] So, damn, that's why they have Batman the Ride, Prez the Ride, Brother Power the Beat the Ride.

[26:02] Prez the Ride.

[26:03] That's why they have Ragman the Ride.

[26:08] Doom Patrol the Ride.

[26:11] It's called Grant Marston's Doom Patrol the Ride, even though he didn't even create Doom Patrol.

[26:16] Captain Carrot the Ride.

[26:18] And the Amazing Zoo Crew, yeah.

[26:19] Yeah, exactly.

[26:20] The Ride.

[26:21] It's called Captain Carrot the Ride and the Amazing Zoo Crew the Ride.

[26:24] It's just one ride, but they put ride in there twice.

[26:26] Captain Carrot's a rabbit, right?

[26:28] You better believe it.

[26:29] Is there ever a crossover with him and Flamin' Carrot?

[26:32] I don't think so, but it would be pretty amazing.

[26:36] Go on, Dan.

[26:38] Okay, so I'll go along.

[26:40] So here's the point I want to make on this movie.

[26:42] So the first half hour of this movie, they are in New York, and they're struggling songwriters, and they can't get it going.

[26:49] And there's a lot of montages, like you said, of them trying and failing and singing songs that feel like they're kind of semi-improvised.

[26:55] And watching this movie and those sequences, it was like, oh, like I'm looking at the future of film comedy 20 years early, but they don't know it.

[27:05] Like movies about two dumb idiot men who are deliberately really stupid and bad at what they're doing, and the joke is that they have total confidence but they're very bad at it.

[27:16] And that they're just looking at the camera because they're looking at the audience just singing deliberately bad songs the bad way.

[27:23] Like I'm watching Will Ferrell's career.

[27:25] And they're providing ten options for the movie, and the movie decides to air all ten of them.

[27:31] Yeah, just to cut quickly between all different options instead of picking the best one.

[27:35] Like that is the most forward-looking piece of 80s comedy I can imagine.

[27:41] You're seeing Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, and I mean Warren Beatty, kind of a John C. Reilly type.

[27:47] In this movie, yeah.

[27:48] Two classically handsome muscle boys.

[27:50] Okay.

[27:51] Both with clown training.

[27:53] Yep.

[27:54] But like this, the kind of like Will Ferrell or like Kristen Wiig style, I feel like you're seeing it aborning here.

[28:01] And if the movie had continued in that fashion, it might have been kind of like an interesting experimental misfire for me.

[28:08] The jokes are not quite there.

[28:09] It would be like, oh, this is this kind of fetal development of a new kind of film comedy that like it's not improv the way Robert Altman would have people improv in a movie, and it's not milled of scenes.

[28:22] It's built of like individual jokes that we cut between really quickly to get like – so it's like bam, bam, like a menu of jokes rather than a scene.

[28:31] And there's a lot of – I feel part of those performances, one of the things that doesn't work for me is how much time it lingers on audience reactions and the audience reactions being basically just bored.

[28:45] Yeah, or like every now and then there's someone in the background who looks shocked, and you're like, they're not so bad that you should be shocked.

[28:52] I mean it's that one joke from the producers done over and over again when they cut from springtime for Hitler from the first time, and the whole audience has the exact same shocked expression on their face, and that works because it's like – it's a very quick joke.

[29:04] And you've also seen an entire musical number about Hitler up to that point.

[29:09] So their shock is earned, and so you're like – there is also – and that musical number is not just bad.

[29:17] It's not just like a – these are just bad songs.

[29:20] That musical number is so tastelessly perverse where the women with Nazi eagles over their breasts and things.

[29:29] That shock is earned, whereas this is just like – if you go to – they're at an open mic song thing.

[29:35] The audience should not be shocked by a bad song being put up.

[29:38] Yeah, and what do they expect?

[29:41] Like if they went – if it was like Paul McCartney one night only, and Paul McCartney came out and performed like those guys, I could understand a stadium of shock because Paul McCartney is one of the greatest live performers there is.

[29:53] Or whoever is impersonating Paul McCartney now that he died years ago.

[29:57] Yeah, yeah, in that car accident, yeah, as the song says.

[30:00] As I saw Paul McCartney a few years ago,

[30:02] and he was, I think, already in his 70s,

[30:05] and I was getting tired watching his show,

[30:07] and like two hours in, he goes off stage,

[30:09] and I was like, oh, yeah, he must be exhausted.

[30:11] And then suddenly he runs on stage

[30:12] waving an enormous American flag,

[30:14] just running back and forth,

[30:16] waving it, and the audience is cheering,

[30:17] and I was like, how did this guy have the energy to do that?

[30:21] Like, what battery did they hook him up to

[30:23] when he walked off stage that he can do that now?

[30:25] Yeah.

[30:26] But so, but, so this, so-

[30:28] Like, he walked off stage, and he has like,

[30:31] like 12, like 14-year-old kids

[30:35] that he's just transfusing blood from.

[30:37] Or it's like, it's just,

[30:38] it's like the end of The Prestige,

[30:40] that he crumples and dies,

[30:42] and then they break and open another canister,

[30:44] and another McCartney comes out.

[30:46] Spoiler for The Prestige.

[30:48] Paul McCartney's great in it.

[30:50] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[30:51] He's not even the rock star that's in it.

[30:54] So, so for those scenes,

[30:56] this movie is pointing a direction for comedy,

[30:58] that it's not my favorite type of comedy,

[31:00] but it's like, this movie's ahead of its time,

[31:02] and then it takes a-

[31:03] And I don't, and I mean, I like when it's,

[31:05] I like that it's trying to do something,

[31:07] but for some reason, it like, it feels so,

[31:11] like, it doesn't work for me,

[31:13] and I think, like,

[31:14] I feel like the characters aren't really established.

[31:16] I don't know if it's because,

[31:19] like, I have trouble buying Dustin Hoffman

[31:21] and Warren Beatty as a couple of like, bumbling doofuses,

[31:25] and I don't know if it's because I've seen them

[31:27] in so many other movies.

[31:28] I mean, it might be, but like, you could-

[31:30] Character choices are, for the most part, pretty soft.

[31:34] You've seen Dustin Hoffman in lots of movies,

[31:36] but you could buy him as an autistic person in Rain Man.

[31:39] Yeah.

[31:40] Like, this, they're just,

[31:41] they don't know how to play these characters.

[31:42] They're not, they're either, they're,

[31:44] at alternating moments,

[31:45] they're either not committing enough,

[31:46] or they're playing the characters too serious,

[31:48] and not funny.

[31:49] Warren Beatty's accent gets significantly more,

[31:52] like, country.

[31:53] Yeah, corn-poned throughout.

[31:54] Also, this movie commits the crime of bringing in-

[31:57] Of murder.

[31:59] Bringing in- I'm just trying to say

[32:00] there's twilights on the movie, yes?

[32:01] Bringing in Carole Kane for basically a scene.

[32:04] Yeah, but you know what other movie does that?

[32:05] Annie Hall.

[32:06] Yeah.

[32:07] And that's an amazing movie.

[32:08] That's true.

[32:09] But I guess-

[32:10] And the woman who played, I had to look her up,

[32:12] but the woman who played Warren Beatty's ex-wife,

[32:17] or eventual ex-wife in this movie,

[32:21] has been in a bunch of stuff, too.

[32:22] Like, she was Jesse Pinkman's mom in Breaking Bad.

[32:26] No, I didn't realize that.

[32:26] And a bunch of other stuff.

[32:28] Dan, I apologize.

[32:28] Carole Kane is in two scenes in Annie Hall.

[32:30] There's the scene where he picks her up,

[32:31] and the scene where they break up.

[32:32] Okay.

[32:33] Because he's obsessed with the JFK assassins.

[32:34] I'm just saying that Carole Kane

[32:35] is an amazing comic actress.

[32:37] Oh, yeah.

[32:38] And they, like, give her nothing to do

[32:39] in this movie whatsoever.

[32:40] I mean, Charles Grodin's in this movie,

[32:42] in a big part, and they barely give him anything to do.

[32:44] Can you imagine being Carole Kane,

[32:46] and having to watch Dustin Hoffman

[32:49] and Warren Beatty fumble through comic shit,

[32:52] and be like, they're the fucking stars of this movie.

[32:56] She's like, I was in Hester Street.

[32:58] Hester Street, for God's sakes.

[33:01] He's really good in that.

[33:03] So, yeah, Carole Kane, they could have used more.

[33:05] Frankly, like, so, I'll skip forward a little bit.

[33:09] Yeah, please.

[33:10] So, the movie takes a big turn,

[33:11] and becomes an 80s action comedy,

[33:14] a par non-excellence, where, but I will say,

[33:18] they get mixed up with Isabella Johnny,

[33:19] who I'm a huge fan of,

[33:21] but if Carole Kane had played the Isabella Johnny part,

[33:23] it would have been so funny.

[33:25] Neither of them is Arab,

[33:27] so the fact that it's supposed to be,

[33:29] I guess, a Middle Eastern character

[33:30] wouldn't matter either way.

[33:32] Can you imagine if Carole Kane was the, like,

[33:34] well, we'll talk about that part.

[33:35] Anyway, so, they get, their agent books them.

[33:38] He gives them a choice.

[33:39] They can either play Honduras, or they can play Morocco.

[33:42] They decide they'd rather go play Morocco.

[33:44] On the way, they have to pass through

[33:46] the fictional dictatorship of Ishtar,

[33:49] which is on the verge of a civil war,

[33:51] as its imperious dictator is being challenged

[33:55] by a rebel, you know, leftist liberation army.

[33:59] While in the airport in Ishtar,

[34:01] awaiting their, it's not a, is it a connecting flight?

[34:04] Like, they're looking for somebody, I don't know.

[34:06] They have to fly to the Canary Islands for some reason.

[34:08] How they get to the Canary Islands is never explained.

[34:11] I assume, an airplane from New York.

[34:14] Well, Warren Beatty goes off to find some help,

[34:17] and Dustin Hoffman is accosted by what he thinks

[34:19] is a boy in native garb.

[34:22] And now, this movie, these airport scenes,

[34:24] I think they're supposed to look really chaotic and exotic,

[34:27] but they just look like an airport.

[34:29] Like, there's nothing particularly,

[34:31] like, Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty look so flustered.

[34:34] You've been living in New York too long, buddy.

[34:36] What?

[34:37] You're too used to the crowds

[34:38] and the hustle and bustle of the city.

[34:40] But these guys are from New York, too.

[34:41] Oh, yeah.

[34:43] It's supposed to be their, like, super,

[34:44] uh, I don't know what to do, but it's just an airport.

[34:46] Anyway, he's accosted by what he thinks is a boy

[34:49] until she lifts up her shirt and shows him a naked boob,

[34:52] which-

[34:53] Wait, did that happen?

[34:54] Yeah, you missed that part?

[34:55] Yeah, dude.

[34:56] Oh, Jesus.

[34:57] It's like a half, she's all that, no, she's all that.

[34:59] Dude, that's so sad.

[35:01] A half, just one of the guys.

[35:02] Can I get you another drink?

[35:03] I feel like I missed the only thing

[35:05] that would have made this movie worthwhile.

[35:06] For you, yeah, and you did miss it.

[35:09] And anyway, and he's immediately like, go, go, huh?

[35:13] She says, oh, I'm sorry.

[35:15] He's like wraparound shades, almost flew off his head.

[35:17] Yeah.

[35:18] Oh, I skipped a scene.

[35:19] Did his tongue roll out like a big, big bad wolf?

[35:21] Yeah, yeah, and his eyes turn into steam whistles

[35:23] like in a factory.

[35:24] Oh, yeah.

[35:25] Yeah, and so I apologize.

[35:27] And he turned into a rocket and blasted off.

[35:29] Before this, there's a scene I skipped where some,

[35:31] this is where you know an 80s moot comedy is going wrong.

[35:35] You cut to a scene in the desert

[35:37] where archeologists are discovering an ancient artifact.

[35:40] Not a good idea because we're being introduced

[35:42] to the thriller plot aspect.

[35:45] And for some reason, it seems like 85% of comedies

[35:48] from the 80s felt they needed to have an action chase plot

[35:52] when you really just wanna see people doing funny stuff

[35:55] and being funny.

[35:56] Like, you know how many times this worked well?

[35:58] How many times do you think, Dan?

[36:01] Ghostbusters?

[36:02] I'm thinking specifically with like an exotic travel plot

[36:04] where there's like a MacGuffin people are chasing.

[36:06] Oh, okay.

[36:08] Here's a hint, it's one of your favorite movies.

[36:10] North by Northwest?

[36:12] I'm talking about the 80s.

[36:13] 1980s.

[36:16] Exotic MacGuffin, and it's funny.

[36:18] In an exotic foreign country.

[36:20] It's a comedy.

[36:21] Romancing the Stone.

[36:22] Yes, Romancing the Stone.

[36:23] Okay, took you a few choices.

[36:25] Took you a few guesses, but you got to a movie

[36:27] that a few days ago you told me

[36:28] is one of your favorite movies.

[36:30] I mean, it's a great movie.

[36:33] It's really good.

[36:34] But for every Romancing the Stone,

[36:36] which is there's just one, there are like 1,000.

[36:39] It's the same way that like whenever in TV.

[36:42] Yeah, somebody tries to sell you

[36:43] a second Romancing the Stone.

[36:45] It's called Jewel of the Nile.

[36:46] Don't buy it.

[36:49] It's just like how in the 80s,

[36:51] they would do these TV movies or special episodes

[36:53] where sitcoms would go to other countries,

[36:56] and they'd always get mixed up with either spies or drugs,

[36:59] and it'd be like, why are the Perfect Strangers

[37:01] getting mixed up with drugs?

[37:03] Why are the Family Tieses getting mixed up with spies?

[37:06] There's no, or like Diamond Smugglers.

[37:08] There's no reason for this.

[37:10] For some reason, 80s comedies always felt like

[37:12] they had to, and not always.

[37:14] There are movies like Moonstruck that don't do this,

[37:16] but like they often felt like they had to go

[37:17] to a foreign country and get involved

[37:19] in political or criminal intrigue.

[37:21] Or like It Looks Good Kill, where a high school student

[37:24] gets mistaken for a secret agent,

[37:26] probably because he looks like he's like 45.

[37:28] So anyway, this guy, this archeologist finds an artifact

[37:34] that appears to be an ancient map that explains a prophecy

[37:38] that two messengers from God will come along

[37:40] and help overthrow an evil tyrant.

[37:44] He is attacked, and they try to steal the map from him.

[37:47] He's already given it to his sister, Isabella Johnny,

[37:50] who, back to where we were,

[37:51] accosts Dustin Hoffman in the airport and says,

[37:53] give me your passport, and let's switch bags.

[37:56] And you take this thing that I have, they're after me.

[37:58] And he agrees to do it pretty easily,

[38:03] I assume because he saw her boob.

[38:05] And that's like just hypnotized him, completely.

[38:09] Much the same, and like the same way that

[38:11] if she'd given him a blowjob, his eyes would have crossed.

[38:13] Like, it's the 80s, boobs are pretty new.

[38:15] He's like, what?

[38:17] I still have to process what I just saw.

[38:19] Well, they used to be pointy, Elliot.

[38:20] That's the thing.

[38:21] In the 50s.

[38:22] In the 50s.

[38:23] A new model came out,

[38:24] and they were making men go crazy all over the place.

[38:27] We've got these new things now, round, soft boobs,

[38:29] replacing the old pointy boobs.

[38:31] Yeah, those old ones used to take your eye out.

[38:34] And I think we might be getting to the end

[38:35] of the boob talk quotient for this episode,

[38:37] unless, Stuart, you have something to say about it.

[38:39] I can skip it.

[38:40] No, it is, it's one of those things,

[38:44] it's like a lot of scenes in this movie where,

[38:47] like, motivations are kind of unclear,

[38:50] and you don't quite know why people

[38:51] are doing what they're doing,

[38:53] which is, I'm just saying the exact same thing over again.

[38:55] But no, but that's true.

[38:56] There's a lot of people doing,

[38:58] there were a lot of times in the movie

[38:59] when we were like, wait, why are they doing that?

[39:01] I don't know if, like, that's an editing,

[39:03] or a performance, or a directing, or a script problem.

[39:07] I don't know enough about showbiz.

[39:09] I mean, why do we have to pass blame?

[39:11] Let's spread it around.

[39:12] But it's, for whatever reason, Dustin Hoffman agrees,

[39:15] he gives her his passport and his bag.

[39:17] He finds out, he thinks he can just get a new passport

[39:19] right away at the U.S. Embassy,

[39:20] and they're like, oh no,

[39:21] we're on the verge of a civil war,

[39:23] and we don't have the paperwork, and he gets mad.

[39:26] He says, Warren Beatty,

[39:27] we shouldn't miss our performance date in Morocco.

[39:30] You go ahead of me.

[39:31] I'll wait here, and I'll get my passport.

[39:35] Warren Beatty goes ahead.

[39:37] Dustin Hoffman runs into another American at the hotel.

[39:40] It's Charles Grodin, who turns out to be a CIA officer.

[39:43] The great Muppet caper's Charles Grodin?

[39:45] You got it, Clifford's Charles Grodin.

[39:48] That's right, the Charles Grodin show's Charles Grodin.

[39:52] Those episodes of Louie's Charles Grodin.

[39:56] Yeah, we should make it clear, we love Charles Grodin.

[39:59] Yeah, he's great.

[40:00] It we're not like we're not denigrating him by performance in the lonely guy. I think it's so funny. He's such a funny guy

[40:06] Uh, but anyway, there's dave is an okay comedy. Dave is a very good comedy, but every the one where every scene charles gordon in

[40:15] no

[40:16] Maybe that's that's me. Dave people are inside. No, that's me. Dave. No, this is dave with kevin. Klein. He's made up. It's not

[40:24] It's not a meat day. I knew that you were gonna go there every dave is a meat dave

[40:28] Until you meet a robot named dave every dave is a meat dave. They're all made of meat

[40:34] That's if someone even alien sounds like an inspirational poster every day. It was a meat day

[40:40] And there's one that just shows it shows a pig winking and it says they're all made of meat

[40:46] I'm just saying

[40:46] If I meet if I meet a dave, I want them to clarify they're a meat dave when I meet him

[40:50] So I don't think they're a robot dave. Yeah, because ironically meat dave from the movie meat dave was a robot dave

[40:57] Full of little meat daves. Oh, man. What am I gonna do? They should have called it robot dave full of meat daves

[41:03] No, they should have said meet dave comma a robot dave full of meat daves

[41:08] the movie

[41:10] Starring eddie murphy. Thank you for telling me it's a movie

[41:14] And not just a poster and that you're not descriptive to meet a guy you're like i'm meeting a new person

[41:18] Should I get dressed up nice? I'm trying to climb through this picture on the wall

[41:22] Do I have anything in my teeth?

[41:24] It's not a mirror. That's not you. You're not that character. I'm black with a mustache. No, that's a photograph of eddie murphy

[41:33] So they get so he gets he gets hired by charles grode and a cia agent to be like a cia spy

[41:40] Because it means he'll have enough money to buy a car to get to morocco

[41:43] He does warren baity performs one night is performing his act by himself

[41:47] He says i'm going to perform some simon and garfunkel songs. Everybody requests songs that are not simon and garfunkel songs

[41:52] He refuses to play them until dustin hoffman appears and they sing that's amore, which is the crowd requested

[41:59] Saves the day that fucking bang because it's like play the fucking hits dude

[42:04] Nobody wants to hear your wussy indie simon and garfunkel nonsense

[42:09] or ishtar

[42:12] You want to hear fucking that's amore. You want to hear the hits the number one hits like that's amore

[42:19] And

[42:21] Italian song that's amore

[42:24] Yeah, yeah, it's an old italian song. That's why one word in it is italian and it's all about explaining what that word means

[42:30] i'm just saying

[42:32] In ishtar, it's not necessarily the

[42:35] Yeah, anyway, you could say it's an american song

[42:39] Because that would be accurate

[42:41] All right, finicoli finicola. That's an italian song. That is it is it's about a finicular it is it was about a finicular

[42:48] I know. Yeah about a thing that goes up a mountain. Yeah

[42:53] Well

[42:54] Technically, it's about an englishman that goes up a hill and comes down a mountain. That's right

[42:59] Uh, what a movie that was anyway, so

[43:02] We should do that one sometime. I've never seen it. I was intrigued by the title

[43:06] Because it's like how to turn into a mountain while he's up there

[43:09] Uh, so anyway, they get mixed up in this thing

[43:12] Uh in the middle of the night dustin they are a huge hit and dustin hoffman's like I gotta ride this high

[43:17] Warren baity goes to bed chase the dragon. Yeah warren baity, which would be a much better movie if they're actually chasing a dragon

[43:23] I imagine it's like kangaroo jack but it's with a dragon. So it's called dragon jack. Yep

[43:27] Uh warren baity is attacked in his hotel room by oh no or isabella. Johnny. She's been creeping in

[43:32] She wants to switch the bags back. He hilarious bit again thinks that she's a boy

[43:38] Who is just trying to rob them until she kisses him and he's like got a lot of emotions that he's not sure of

[43:44] uh

[43:45] One thing leads to another and let's just cut cut long story short

[43:49] warren baity gets recruited by the rebels while dustin hoffman is working with the cia, which is on the side of the

[43:55] Dictator this should to should lead to like hilarious misunderstandings

[43:59] What it leads to almost immediately is a shootout at a market square

[44:04] That leads with the that ends up the two of them on the run with a camel in the desert

[44:09] It's also a lot of people dying in the shootout and the most matt frewer's there. I love that guy

[44:14] Yeah, matt frew is a cia agent in the scene

[44:17] Yeah, put him in anything. I'll watch it even the generation x tv pilot

[44:21] Yeah, i'll watch it. Okay, don't he's in it, but he was also in spies like us

[44:25] This is one of the most it was called the age of frewer. Yeah, this is one of the most incompetently filmed action sequences

[44:32] I've seen I think like there's no tension. No, there's there's no real sense of mike falls into the frame

[44:39] No, that's a later scene. Yeah, no, but it's like, you know how this feels

[44:43] I mean I would say that it feels like it was shot in a hallway the way that it's put together

[44:48] Except that old boy has an action scene shot in a hallway and it's amazing

[44:52] So that's not an insult to say an action scene was shot in a hallway, but it's really ineptly

[44:57] Strung together and like that's fine. Elaine. May is a is a huge dramatic and comic talent

[45:02] She doesn't need to be a great action director

[45:04] Yeah, then maybe don't make a movie with a bunch of action scenes in it. Yeah, if that's not your will forte

[45:10] Yeah, maybe stick to the goofy guys singing in new york, yeah because those scenes were super great

[45:16] I mean they were better than the rest of them. They were better

[45:19] I think if it had just been them

[45:21] As songsters in in new york or they try to go to hollywood to make it big

[45:25] This would not have been as big a flop

[45:26] It certainly would have one of the things that people hated about the movie was that it cost a lot

[45:30] because critics like to get hung up on how much a movie costs as if that's

[45:35] If you said that money was going to be going to feeding the uh, the hungry or making a good movie

[45:40] It's like yeah

[45:41] I think we've shattered the idea that an expensive movie is a prestige or a good movie

[45:45] By the fact that the most expensive movies are made now and they're almost all crappy

[45:49] But at the time it was like if a movie was really expensive expensive you expected to get a lot out of it

[45:54] Yeah, and so then the movie would have been a lot less expensive if they weren't in the desert doing action scenes

[45:59] But okay, it's this inept shootout. They escape

[46:02] They get told some they got to meet up with somebody dustin hoffman is told

[46:06] Hey, you got to get this guy out in the desert. We'll pick you up in a helicopter

[46:09] Warren, baby's told you got to get a camel from somebody. It's part of a code or something like that

[46:13] Yeah, they end up with a blind camel stumbling around in the desert left for dead by everybody

[46:19] Yeah, and they've still got this magic map

[46:22] just like

[46:23] magic map xl

[46:27] Uh

[46:32] Yeah, the empire strikes back of the magic mike series wow, it's got a dark ending. Yeah

[46:36] Okay, I mean this movie did kind of have a dark ending and it ends with magic

[46:42] It ends with magic mike getting his penis, uh sliced off and he has to get a robotic penis

[46:47] Oh, okay. That didn't go the way. I thought it was going to I thought it was more of an audition type thing

[46:51] I mean, I think I think that's okay because I think for mike it's you know that that he's giving pleasure to others

[46:58] Yeah, yeah, he doesn't need to feel himself and his new robot penis telescopes

[47:03] Yeah, like it telescopes back into his body when he's not using it like wolverine's claws kind of which I know wolverine's claws

[47:08] Don't telescope you get what i'm saying? What if they did? Do you think there was ever a character design?

[47:12] Do you think like when they tried to make the x-men movies? There are some character designers like

[47:17] They're just knives. That's stupid. What if they were telescoping blades? Yeah, the same way that every time they're like, hmm

[47:25] Superman spider-man and batman's costumes have existed relatively unchanged for at this point almost a hundred years

[47:33] Let me throw some shitty texture on there

[47:35] Like let me let me do a bunch of weird contours that don't make sense. I want to put big muscle pads on this one

[47:41] How what if it all looked like it was really pebbly?

[47:45] What if it looked pebbly?

[47:47] Yeah, we we want the villains to try and grab them and be like that feels weird. I don't want to touch that

[47:52] It's like you're you're supposed to be it's one of those things that's supposed to be like a massager

[47:56] But it feels gross. Can they give you that soap full of oats and they're like it's good for your skin

[48:01] And it's like why does it feel like i'm scraping myself? Can we nipple this thing up by uh, at least 90?

[48:07] That's a lot. Yeah

[48:10] Well, you don't want like you don't want a partial nipple. That would be weird

[48:13] No, that would be very strange or inverted which a lot of people have yeah, and they have to blow on their thumb

[48:18] Make them pop out. Yeah

[48:20] Uh, so they get lost in the desert. They are wandering around

[48:25] Forever. Yeah, like i've seen movies where people wander in the desert for a long time the good the bad and the ugly

[48:30] lawrence of arabia

[48:32] desert the movie

[48:34] Noah

[48:35] Just uh, wait not noah. What the fuck no is kind of the opposite. It's nothing but water dan

[48:40] You mean the ten commandments? Yeah, that's right. What was it or prince of egypt?

[48:45] About the story of moses, okay, just the exodus general. Yes, they wandered the desert for a very long time

[48:51] Beyond thunderdome where he has to ride off of that weird with a clown thing on his head or something

[48:56] Yeah, I was talking about the moses pale kids

[49:02] Anyway, uh

[49:04] Dan's looking to elliot. You got a bit for that. No, I don't know. I don't i'm not sure I want to

[49:10] exert the energy to try to visualize what the moses pale kids would be

[49:14] All you think of is there's a pale and moses in it a little bounce pass. You can just take it right

[49:20] I'll just you know what i'm gonna use my red card. I only have one for per season

[49:24] But i'll use it to get out of this one

[49:27] You know, i'll phone a friend on this one stewart. Why don't you handle the moses pale kids? Oh, that's a bad idea

[49:35] That's a bad idea

[49:38] When you say moses failed kids and you think it's a bit that's a bad idea

[49:43] Yeah

[49:45] When you start to sing to cap off the bet that's that bit that's much worse

[49:51] Yeah, get the words wrong for the stupid song. Then you keep on along in this thingy

[49:57] When you did that that quick summary

[50:00] of them getting lost in the desert, you made it sound more exciting than it was.

[50:04] It's very boring.

[50:05] They are wandering forever and then like they fall down and some vultures land and that's

[50:09] about it.

[50:10] And for like there's, you know, there's a couple of bits that are funny, like Warren

[50:15] Beatty yelling at the vultures is pretty funny.

[50:17] Yeah, there's some funny stuff there.

[50:19] And there's a part, it's not funny, there's a part where they run into some gun runners

[50:23] who are auctioning off guns to Bedouins and Dustin Hoffman gets mixed up with the auctioneer

[50:30] who never shows up.

[50:32] Like you think that the cap of that, so Dustin Hoffman has to pretend he can speak Arab languages,

[50:36] a bit that would be kind of offensive today.

[50:40] Yeah, kind of offensive?

[50:42] It's a little offensive, but at the time Arabs were of course our number one source of enemies

[50:46] for action movies, so we didn't really care what they thought.

[50:49] But you'd think the capper to that bit would be that the real auctioneer shows up, but

[50:54] no.

[50:55] He conducts a successful auction with the help of a ringer, Warren Beatty dressed up

[50:59] in his keffiyeh.

[51:00] You have to assume that the real auctioneer has died long ago, his bones stripped by vultures.

[51:04] Oh, you have to assume that the other auctioneer has been blessed by God with mercy and will

[51:08] not be appearing in the film.

[51:10] The other auctioneer is being held upside down and having his feet burned by Jabba the

[51:14] Robot.

[51:15] There are so many scenes of them wandering the desert.

[51:18] I'm like, when are they going to come upon Jabba's palace?

[51:20] It was the Gonk Droid that had that happen, not the other guy.

[51:24] Well, maybe the Gonk Droid was a bad auctioneer and that's why they did it.

[51:29] It's just like, our first lot is this beautiful dancing girl, Ula.

[51:36] Do I hear Gonk?

[51:37] Gonk!

[51:39] I have Gonk.

[51:41] The man in the back, Gonk.

[51:42] Do I have Gonk?

[51:43] A man, a man.

[51:44] Yes, Gonk.

[51:45] Boba Fett, Gonk.

[51:46] Okay, do I have Gonk?

[51:47] I have Gonk.

[51:48] Do I have Gonk?

[51:49] Yak Man, Gonk.

[51:50] Yeah, Regis, Gonk.

[51:51] Oh, Klatu, Gonk.

[51:53] And they were like, so how much is that at the end?

[51:55] Gonk!

[51:56] And they're like, Jabba's like, no Jabba wonga.

[51:59] Send him to the torture palace to be tortured.

[52:02] Seems so positive about it.

[52:04] Jabba, by that point, he'd been stuffing a lot of frogs in his gullet and sucking on

[52:09] that hookah pipe.

[52:10] Pretty hard.

[52:11] He's just living a no Jabba wonga lifestyle at that point.

[52:16] He has a tattoo on his belly that says, this is a wonga life.

[52:22] And also, when you're around Salacious Crumb, how can you not be in a good mood?

[52:26] The guy loves to laugh.

[52:27] He's fucking hilarious.

[52:28] How is nobody, or maybe it exists- He's like a walking Big Johnson t-shirt.

[52:32] It's guaranteed hilarity.

[52:33] I love how that character is just like- Who, Big Johnson?

[52:40] No, Salacious Crumb is just an adjective and a noun.

[52:45] It's just a crazy adjective and a noun.

[52:48] Yeah, like lots of other names.

[52:50] Whoa!

[52:51] Like what?

[52:52] Name one.

[52:53] Like, Happy Gilmore?

[52:54] Alright.

[52:55] Like, Lucky, what's her name?

[52:58] Lucky...

[52:59] What?

[53:00] Something.

[53:01] What's that person's name, Lucky?

[53:02] From what?

[53:03] I can't remember.

[53:04] Like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[53:05] Like, uh...

[53:06] Yeah.

[53:07] Mm-hmm.

[53:08] Smiley...

[53:09] Mm-hmm.

[53:10] Guy?

[53:11] Okay, that's Guy Smiley.

[53:12] But it's backwards.

[53:13] Yeah.

[53:14] Buckle your seatbelts.

[53:15] Alright.

[53:16] Rees is just three I's backwards.

[53:17] What?

[53:18] I mean, it's not really- It's like an anagram.

[53:19] It's not- Yeah, it's an anagram.

[53:20] I mean, they chopped out some letters.

[53:21] The T and the H are not in there.

[53:22] It's the same shit.

[53:23] But, uh, so I guess what I'm saying is, Salacious Crumb, why hasn't anyone done a video yet where

[53:24] he's singing that I love to laugh song from Mary Poppins?

[53:25] I don't know.

[53:36] Why hasn't anyone done a video yet where he's singing that I love to laugh song from Mary

[53:40] Poppins?

[53:41] Uh, get on it, internet.

[53:43] I guess.

[53:44] Get on it, internet.

[53:45] Make it happen.

[53:46] Once, I asked for a GIF of Boba Fett falling into the Sarlacc, and it would say, Nothing

[53:50] but Fet.

[53:51] People made it.

[53:52] Yeah.

[53:53] So, I want people to make this now.

[53:54] Don't send us that thing where it's the lightsaber battle, but it's just Owen Wilson saying,

[53:57] whoa.

[53:58] Yeah.

[53:59] Just saying wow.

[54:00] We don't need that.

[54:01] Five hundred of that.

[54:02] We've got a lot of those.

[54:03] I want people to sing the I love to laugh song from Mary Poppins.

[54:06] Yeah.

[54:07] Good stuff.

[54:08] You know, the one that, uh, that Ed Wynn sings.

[54:11] Yeah.

[54:12] Yeah.

[54:13] I love to laugh.

[54:14] Ha ha ha ha.

[54:15] Yeah, but imagine Salacious Crumb doing it.

[54:16] Yeah.

[54:17] You just gave them the audio.

[54:18] They didn't use that.

[54:19] And instead of the Ed Wynn laugh, it's the he he he he he he he.

[54:22] So Salacious Crumb.

[54:23] Wipe out.

[54:24] Get it?

[54:25] Yeah.

[54:26] That was his first job.

[54:27] That was his first, yeah, his first job.

[54:28] His first gig.

[54:29] But he was just a studio laugher, so he didn't get credit on the album.

[54:30] Yeah.

[54:31] Didn't get any sweet royalties.

[54:32] Yeah.

[54:33] So we've established again, Salacious Crumb, my favorite Star Wars alien, because he loves

[54:37] to laugh.

[54:38] Let's get back to the movie.

[54:39] They're wandering the desert forever.

[54:40] The CIA wants them dead, but it's not working out.

[54:43] They send a helicopter to shoot them down, but they have all these guns from the gun

[54:46] runners because I guess the gun, the gun runners see the helicopter coming, think it's coming

[54:50] for them, and they all scatter.

[54:51] Now they've got this weaponry and they're going to shoot this helicopter down.

[54:55] It flies away.

[54:56] Isabella Johnny shows up with a Jeep, saves their bacon there, and they fire like they

[55:02] have like rockets or grenades they're firing at the helicopter.

[55:05] It flies away.

[55:06] Charles Roden says, abort mission, abort mission.

[55:09] Everything's okay.

[55:10] Yeah, because it was supposed to be sort of a low key, like under the radar mission that

[55:14] they're killing their own civilians.

[55:16] Yeah.

[55:17] They're killing Americans.

[55:18] They're killing Americans in Ishtar.

[55:21] They're killing in the name of, now you do what they told you.

[55:26] So here's where I like the movie.

[55:30] I lost track of it.

[55:31] It skips to the end.

[55:32] It skips to the end and it's like, what happened to that stupid magic map everyone was talking

[55:36] about that was going to precipitate a revolution?

[55:38] Did that happen?

[55:39] I think that the idea is-

[55:40] Did it happen off camera?

[55:42] So Charles Roden like mumbles a bunch of stuff about how like-

[55:46] There are a lot of scenes where Charles Roden is mumbling plot exposition, it doesn't happen

[55:49] and I'm like, what?

[55:50] Yeah.

[55:51] Like the idea is like-

[55:52] I can't hear it.

[55:53] They threatened to sell the map to the KGB and they extorted like, number one, the Amir

[56:01] is like supposed to become more liberal now, there's going to be reforms.

[56:06] Oh, I missed all that.

[56:07] And number two, the US government to cover up what they've been doing in Ishtar, they

[56:13] have to back their album.

[56:16] That's what I got.

[56:17] So they write a new album that's all full of songs about Ishtar and their big song that

[56:21] they've been trying to do the whole movie, which is about how honesty doesn't make you

[56:25] popular and if you play accordion, they're not going to ask you to play in a rock and

[56:28] roll band, but we can sing.

[56:31] And the US government funds an album and a tour and it ends with their album cover in

[56:36] the same shop display window that they were looking into earlier with such envy in their

[56:40] eyes.

[56:42] And I got to tell you guys, this is something I mentioned right before we started recording.

[56:46] At home right now, I'm in the middle of watching a movie called Black Moon, the Louis Mall

[56:50] movie that's a kind of dreamlike vision of a not exactly sci-fi world where men and women

[56:56] are in a violent war with each other and one woman is wandering through the chaos and it's

[57:02] just weird set piece after weird set piece.

[57:04] Suddenly a herd of pigs followed by naked children will just run through the frame or

[57:09] she'll talk to a woman where the woman seems to be speaking multiple languages at once.

[57:13] I am having so much of an easier time following that movie than I had following Ishtar, a

[57:18] big budget Hollywood comedy starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman.

[57:22] I had so much trouble following the plot of this movie and knowing why anyone was doing

[57:26] anything at any point.

[57:29] I went into it because there has been a little bit of like a re-evaluation.

[57:35] I went into it expecting it to be better than it was and it's not very good.

[57:42] It's not like I would have liked nothing more than to see it and be like, they were right.

[57:47] This is a good movie, but it's like trying so hard to be funny and failing at almost

[57:54] every opportunity.

[57:55] I don't even think it's trying that hard because you watch whole scenes and you're like, where

[57:59] were the jokes?

[58:00] I guess that's true.

[58:01] What happened to the jokes?

[58:02] They're trying so hard to do something, but I don't know what they're trying to do.

[58:05] Yeah.

[58:06] It's like, you want to watch Hey.

[58:09] I'd love to watch Hey.

[58:10] Just a big pile of Hey.

[58:11] Do I not have to watch Ishtar again?

[58:12] I'd rather watch the Hey because a bug might show up at some point.

[58:16] You want to watch Ishtar, but like the funny version, just watch Dumb and Dumber, guys.

[58:21] It's basically the same thing.

[58:22] It is basically the same thing and it is actually funnier.

[58:26] It's much funnier and you have two actors playing.

[58:28] I mean, Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty are great actors.

[58:31] Like Dustin Hoffman is one of the best actors in American film ever, but they, for whatever

[58:35] reason.

[58:36] And Warren Beatty is really great in McCabe and Mrs. Miller.

[58:38] Warren Beatty is great in a lot of stuff and he's like, Warren Beatty is a genuinely great

[58:41] director.

[58:42] Like Reds is a great movie.

[58:43] And to think that only in a few years, that powerhouse duo of Hoffman and Beatty would

[58:51] star side by side in one of the greatest movies of all time, Dick Tracy.

[58:57] Uh, you're overstating it quite a bit.

[59:01] I mean, but at least with Dick Tracy, like it looks beautiful.

[59:05] Like Ishtar, it's got, Vittorio Storaro is making this movie.

[59:08] He's one of the greatest cinematographers of all time.

[59:10] And like, it doesn't look that great.

[59:12] Like it looks, and it's, it's, and you can't say like, well, it's in the desert.

[59:16] There's not a lot going on.

[59:17] There have been beautiful movies made in the desert.

[59:19] Deserts are beautiful.

[59:20] Like it's neither funny nor exciting nor beautiful nor touching, but we were talking about.

[59:25] So Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, they're great, but they cannot seem to get the hang

[59:28] of playing two losers.

[59:30] And you can't play dumb people.

[59:31] It's, it's, it's hard.

[59:32] I mean, even in Midnight Cowboy, Dustin Hoffman's a loser, but he's not like a, he's kind of

[59:37] oblivious and doesn't understand the world.

[59:39] Yeah.

[59:40] But he's not an idiot.

[59:41] Whereas like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, like totally understand what being, what makes

[59:47] being dumb funny.

[59:48] You know.

[59:49] And within moments of being introduced to their characters, you know who they are.

[59:54] Yeah.

[59:55] And I don't think Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty even knew who their characters were

[59:59] for a while.

[1:00:00] I think they, I mean, the joke was always that they had switched characters, not joke,

[1:00:06] the idea that they had switched characters, so maybe they were trying to do their impressions

[1:00:10] of each other and they're just like really unflattering, but that doesn't make any sense

[1:00:13] because Warren Beatty is, like you're saying, his accent gets more and more Southern as

[1:00:16] time goes on, and he talks about what a big clumsy guy he is, like, I would have liked

[1:00:22] it more, it's the same thing where in like, Face Off, as crazy as the movie is, it never

[1:00:27] really lives up to the promise of John Travolta doing a Nicolas Cage impression and Nicolas

[1:00:32] Cage doing a John Travolta impression, which it should have been.

[1:00:34] Yeah, I think that's right.

[1:00:36] Like they should have, but this one, like, maybe if they had played into that more, like

[1:00:41] they're literally playing each other's characters, like, I don't know.

[1:00:44] I mean, I think the best parts in Face Off are when they're kind of trying to do impressions

[1:00:49] of each other.

[1:00:50] Yeah.

[1:00:51] I think, I don't know, I think the best parts of Face Off where Nicolas Cage is the bad

[1:00:54] guy.

[1:00:55] At the beginning.

[1:00:56] At the beginning, and he's just like a crazy person, and he's a priest dancing in public

[1:01:00] and grabbing a young girl's butt and no one seems to notice.

[1:01:04] Like it's like he's turned invisible in that moment.

[1:01:07] It's like, at that moment, no one seems to see him but this one girl in the choir, and

[1:01:11] I kind of wonder, like, is he a figment of her imagination?

[1:01:15] And the rest of the movie is just her fever dream as she lies between life and death on

[1:01:18] a church choir trip.

[1:01:20] So Dan, where are the...

[1:01:22] He really likes fruit.

[1:01:23] He eats peaches for hours.

[1:01:24] Yep.

[1:01:25] That's all that means, right?

[1:01:26] I mean, by that point...

[1:01:27] He just likes fruit?

[1:01:28] Yeah.

[1:01:29] That's why he's on the cover of Fruit Lover magazine.

[1:01:30] Uh, Dan.

[1:01:31] So where were the jokes?

[1:01:32] Uh...

[1:01:33] These people know jokes?

[1:01:34] Yeah.

[1:01:35] Is this like the opposite of a fuckin' Oops!

[1:01:36] All Berry situation?

[1:01:37] Oops!

[1:01:38] No Jokes?

[1:01:39] Yeah.

[1:01:40] Oh, it's like, you know, it's like the Garfield without Garfields thing, but it's like comedy

[1:01:41] without jokes.

[1:01:42] Like someone went in and digitally erased all the jokes.

[1:01:43] Yeah.

[1:01:44] Yeah.

[1:01:45] I mean, I think that...

[1:01:46] Why don't you erase fuckin' Garfie?

[1:01:47] I think Elaine...

[1:01:48] Because then it becomes a comic strip about John Arbuckle living in his sadness.

[1:01:49] Yeah.

[1:01:50] It's pretty funny.

[1:01:51] There's two ways to do it.

[1:01:52] There's the one where there's no Garfield, and John Arbuckle's a crazy person.

[1:01:53] And there's the one I prefer where Garfield's in it, but they've erased all of his speech

[1:01:54] balloons.

[1:01:55] So it's just John Arbuckle blowing his top at a cat.

[1:01:56] And just embarrassing.

[1:01:57] Yeah.

[1:01:58] Yeah.

[1:01:59] Yeah.

[1:02:00] Yeah.

[1:02:01] Yeah.

[1:02:02] Yeah.

[1:02:03] Yeah.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

[1:02:05] Yeah.

[1:02:06] Yeah.

[1:02:07] Yeah.

[1:02:08] Yeah.

[1:02:09] Yeah.

[1:02:10] Yeah.

[1:02:11] Yeah.

[1:02:12] Yeah.

[1:02:13] Yeah.

[1:02:14] And just abusing this cat that does nothing but sit there.

[1:02:16] Did you ever see that one Garfield comic where he's at the vet and John picks up like a coffee

[1:02:25] mug and drinks it real quick?

[1:02:27] And the vet is like, congratulations.

[1:02:29] You're gonna have a litter of puppies, Mr. Arbuckle.

[1:02:33] And you're like, did he just drink dog jizz out of a coffee cup?

[1:02:37] Have not seen that one.

[1:02:38] I don't know it.

[1:02:39] It's also a huge misunderstanding about how insemination works.

[1:02:42] Yeah, it doesn't usually go in the mouth.

[1:02:46] Maybe this will be successful.

[1:02:47] None of my dog inseminations have worked.

[1:02:49] He drank something out of that coffee cup.

[1:02:50] Yeah.

[1:02:51] What are they keeping in the coffee cup?

[1:02:54] I mean, it could be in there.

[1:02:56] Garfield doesn't get the reputation it deserves as being a pretty experimental strip.

[1:03:00] There was the Nine Lives of Garfield, which is a crazy book.

[1:03:03] There's that week of Garfield's trips where Garfield is in his house and everyone's gone

[1:03:08] and it implies that he dies and every strip after that is just his fantasy that he escapes

[1:03:14] into like at the end of Brazil.

[1:03:16] Okay.

[1:03:17] But anyway, Ishtar.

[1:03:18] So, guys, I was disappointed that it wasn't like, I was, this movie totally, it didn't

[1:03:24] live up to the reappraisal hype, but it kind of totally lived up to the early hype of it

[1:03:29] being really bad.

[1:03:30] Yeah.

[1:03:31] I think this is a final judgment sort of thing.

[1:03:33] Whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.

[1:03:37] Ali, continue with your thoughts.

[1:03:38] I would say I wanted this to be either a good, bad movie or a movie kind of like, it's just

[1:03:42] a bad, bad movie.

[1:03:43] Like it's one of these, in my opinion, maybe I'm wrong, but in watching this movie, I keep

[1:03:48] going.

[1:03:49] When you say it that way, it doesn't seem like you think it's bad.

[1:03:51] Maybe I'm the one who's crazy, but like, I think I can count up the number of moments

[1:03:56] in the movie that I was entertained or enjoying it, like on one hand, there were so many times

[1:04:01] when I like just couldn't puncture what was going on screen.

[1:04:05] I couldn't engage or enter into it because I found it so boring and incomprehensible

[1:04:13] in terms of like, why are these things happening on screen?

[1:04:16] What about this is supposed to be funny?

[1:04:17] Like if you showed this movie to me and you didn't tell me it was a comedy, I think I

[1:04:21] would think it was like kind of just a bad action thriller.

[1:04:24] Yeah.

[1:04:25] But it feels also like they slammed two different movies together.

[1:04:28] They took the first half hour and they slammed it into this like kind of crappy TV movie

[1:04:34] Indiana Jones place.

[1:04:35] What do you guys think?

[1:04:36] Uh, yeah, I the first 20 minutes or so, I was kind of like, oh, maybe this is like an

[1:04:44] underrated comedy.

[1:04:46] Like it's not I'm not laughing that much, but there are moments where I'm like, this

[1:04:49] is funny and I can see what it's pointing at and I can see what it's trying to do.

[1:04:54] And I like the kind of semi improvised improvisational feel, although it could really use an editor.

[1:05:00] If it kept going that way, it wouldn't be really good, but it wouldn't be abysmal the

[1:05:04] way it's been described.

[1:05:05] But as soon as it goes into the Middle East, it just becomes so deadly dull and all of

[1:05:14] the plot is relayed by Charles Grodin having conversations with people and if you miss

[1:05:20] any of it, you're totally lost and that's what I feel about it.

[1:05:25] Uh, yeah, no, you guys are both right.

[1:05:27] I did not enjoy this.

[1:05:29] I was hoping because it was like known for being this big budget flop, I was hoping that

[1:05:33] at least there would be things on screen that would be visually interesting, like a choice

[1:05:39] that is totally wrong, but it was at least interesting to see.

[1:05:44] Like 1941 is not a fun movie, but you're like, wow, this is a big movie.

[1:05:48] Yeah, there's tons of shit going on for your fucking money.

[1:05:52] You get a lot of bad movie, but you get a lot of movie and this there's there's just

[1:05:56] not much there and then even the big, even the like the big scenes of like the shootout

[1:06:02] in the marketplace, like it's just so sloppily organized and for a movie, especially where

[1:06:08] like it sounds like, uh, Elaine May shot so much footage, uh, you would think that they

[1:06:18] would have had better stuff.

[1:06:20] Yeah.

[1:06:21] So here's what I was saying earlier that I got imagined.

[1:06:23] So Isabella Johnny is playing this like Middle Eastern freedom fighter.

[1:06:27] They don't give her very much of anything to do, but imagine if Carol Kane had played

[1:06:32] that part and it would make a lot more sense if she's kind of like a daffy kind of off

[1:06:39] Middle Eastern freedom fighter.

[1:06:41] One thing she's funny, as much as I love Isabella Johnny, she is not a comedy performer.

[1:06:44] Like I don't watch Possession or like Adele H. Something like that for comedy for slapping

[1:06:50] your knees.

[1:06:51] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:53] I love Isabella Johnny movie.

[1:06:54] I want to see like alienation and despair, which is what she does really great.

[1:06:57] But like imagine, can you like a movie with like, it explains why she would be kind of

[1:07:02] jerking these guys around so much and being such a weirdo if she was Carol Kane.

[1:07:06] Yeah.

[1:07:07] Yeah.

[1:07:08] Like you would, the way that a performer brings a persona with them, like you wouldn't even

[1:07:11] need to explain it.

[1:07:12] The minute she revealed she was Carol Kane, you'd be like, Oh, these guys are in for some

[1:07:16] trouble.

[1:07:17] Like the same way that the funniest moment in it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world is when

[1:07:21] at the airport, they're like, get the fire crew ready.

[1:07:24] And they're like, we got them.

[1:07:25] And it pans over and the firemen are the Three Stooges.

[1:07:28] And like, you're like, don't need anything more.

[1:07:30] I know exactly how this is going to turn out badly.

[1:07:33] That's a bad idea.

[1:07:35] Like it's such a fun, it's like the funniest shot.

[1:07:37] And it's you just because of the persona they bring with them, you're like, Oh, these guys

[1:07:42] are not going to do a good job.

[1:07:45] And you never, the Three Stooges just don't even appear in the rest of the movie.

[1:07:47] But it's like, I remember seeing that in the theater and it got a lot of laughs.

[1:07:50] It's a funny movie.

[1:07:51] But when that shot moved over, it was like the audience could not contain their shit.

[1:07:56] They were just like losing it.

[1:07:58] All they do is stand there, but they stand there with the weight of years of laughter

[1:08:02] on their shoulders.

[1:08:03] So everybody, you know what?

[1:08:04] For this special 10th anniversary Flophouse, let's hear it for the Three Stooges, everybody.

[1:08:08] Yeah.

[1:08:09] Larry, Moe, Curly, Shemp, Curly Joe, Emile, who didn't get to be in any of the Stooges

[1:08:18] movies.

[1:08:19] He was announced as the third Stooge shortly before the other Stooges died.

[1:08:22] But you know, they all deserve their applause.

[1:08:25] That's sad.

[1:08:26] I mean, they were far too old to be doing those movies at that point.

[1:08:30] I don't know, age is just a number.

[1:08:34] Yeah.

[1:08:35] 40 is the new 20, according to Cougartown.

[1:08:36] Cougartown?

[1:08:37] Now, that's a reference to an ad campaign from what, nine years ago?

[1:08:41] Yeah.

[1:08:42] So I guess 49 is the new 29?

[1:08:45] You know it.

[1:08:46] Okay.

[1:08:47] So Dan, what's next on this?

[1:08:48] What do we do next?

[1:08:49] Special 10th anniversary Flophouse.

[1:08:52] We've laid Ishtar to rest.

[1:08:56] Hopefully won't rise from the grave.

[1:08:58] We'll sleep with the Fishtars.

[1:09:08] I'm Riley Smurl.

[1:09:09] I'm Sydney McElroy.

[1:09:10] And I'm Taylor Smurl.

[1:09:11] And together, we host a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like,

[1:09:16] Why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party?

[1:09:19] How do I be fleek?

[1:09:20] Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis?

[1:09:23] And sometimes we talk about butt.

[1:09:25] No, we don't.

[1:09:26] Nope.

[1:09:27] Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on Still Buffering, a sister's

[1:09:33] guide to teens through the ages.

[1:09:36] I am a teenager.

[1:09:37] And I was too.

[1:09:40] Butts.

[1:09:41] Butts.

[1:09:42] Butts.

[1:09:43] Butts.

[1:09:44] No.

[1:10:00] And he says, what do you do, Adventurers? I'm a dragon man.

[1:10:03] I cast fire on him. It's very good.

[1:10:05] I address the red dragon and say, us, we're the hosts of the Adventure Zone,

[1:10:09] a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons.

[1:10:12] Very good synergy. Commit to the bit.

[1:10:15] I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective against all odds.

[1:10:20] Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host the Adventure Zones,

[1:10:22] a podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast.

[1:10:26] We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we

[1:10:28] did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every

[1:10:31] other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network. You can find us on iTunes or on MaximumFun.org.

[1:10:36] I think this promo is a critical hit.

[1:10:45] Hi, it's Dan here going at solo, unfortunately, for the ads this week

[1:10:50] because of the way we recorded this episode. But we'll try and get through this together, shall we?

[1:10:58] Before I get into the advertisements, I just want to make a very special announcement.

[1:11:02] The Flophouse is doing its first live shows on the West Coast this coming fall and winter.

[1:11:11] We have coming up on October the 8th at the LA Regent Theater, we're doing a special show.

[1:11:20] I mean, I say a special show. All the shows are special and there's nothing particularly

[1:11:23] special about this show. So we're just doing a live show. Take it that way.

[1:11:28] Let's take that again. Can we go again? On October the 8th at the LA Regent Theater,

[1:11:35] we will be doing a show. A show. Also on December the 9th at the San Francisco

[1:11:43] Marines Memorial Theater, we will also be performing. Those are two great California

[1:11:49] shows because California boy Elliot Kalin has kidnapped us and is taking us out to the West Coast.

[1:11:57] But the Flophouse is sponsored in part by ZipRecruiter. With ZipRecruiter, you can post

[1:12:01] your job to 100 plus job sites with just one click. Then their powerful technology

[1:12:07] efficiently matches the right people to your job. That's why ZipRecruiter is different.

[1:12:12] Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you, it finds them.

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[1:12:23] in just 24 hours. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes

[1:12:29] to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results.

[1:12:33] And right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free.

[1:12:38] Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:12:44] One more time to try for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:12:49] Did you catch the times when I sort of said words wrong?

[1:12:53] If so, then you could be an Elliot Kalin in training.

[1:12:57] I'm sorry that he wasn't here to make fun of me in real time.

[1:13:03] Next up, we've got Squarespace. The Flophouse is supported in part by Squarespace.

[1:13:10] Make your next move with Squarespace. Create a beautiful website with Squarespace's award-winning

[1:13:18] templates and all-in-one platform. There's nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever.

[1:13:24] Squarespace provides hardworking, award-winning, 24-hour customer support.

[1:13:33] Squarespace offers a unique domain experience that's fully transparent and simple to set up.

[1:13:38] For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, visit Squarespace.com slash flop.

[1:13:44] That's 10% off your first purchase, not 10% off your first purchase.

[1:13:52] There's no percentage of the metal 10 that you will get off your first purchase.

[1:13:58] Apologize. Apologies to those who really hate the metal 10.

[1:14:06] We do have one JumboDrum message. It's for Susan, not Sarandon.

[1:14:12] From Patrick, not Duffy. And the message is,

[1:14:15] Happy Birthday! Sorry your favorite peach, parenthesis, Elliot, has left,

[1:14:19] but I bet he would sing you a song if you were still around. Maybe Stew would hum something?

[1:14:25] I'm sorry that Elliot is not here to hum, or to sing, and Stew is not here to hum.

[1:14:31] Can I do some Tuvan throat singing for you?

[1:14:44] That was probably racially insensitive or culturally insensitive. I'm sorry.

[1:14:48] Look, I'm just doing this off the top of my head. I apologize to anyone

[1:14:52] who might have actually studied Tuvan throat singing or be part of that culture.

[1:14:59] I am just a jackass who does things on the internet.

[1:15:05] We're bringing the show to the Now Hear This podcast festival in New York City this September.

[1:15:11] The lineup includes great shows like How Does This Get Made, Comedy Bang Bang, Criminal,

[1:15:17] and Planet Money, plus more of your favorites from Gimlet, Crooked Media, Public Radio,

[1:15:22] and Radiotopia. And it's How Did This Get Made, not How Does This Get Made.

[1:15:27] That's a different show. That's sort of a stuff-you-should-know kind of

[1:15:33] show that I just made up in my mind. I promise you it was not a Freudian slip.

[1:15:40] We're not rivals. I was not trying to throw How Did This Get Made under the podcasting bus.

[1:15:47] Anyway, this is a great value. One ticket gets you all access to 25 live shows throughout the

[1:15:53] weekend. Twenty-five live shows from one ticket. And the first 100 people to use our offer code

[1:15:58] FLOP at checkout save $20. Now Hear This is September 8th through 10th in New York City.

[1:16:04] Come see a great podcast, meet the hosts, and make some new friends. Go to NowHearThisFest.com

[1:16:09] to get your tickets. That's NowHearThisFest.com and enter offer code FLOP at checkout to save $20.

[1:16:15] So yeah, our podcast is doing that show. Elliot will not be there. Elliot will not be at the Now

[1:16:24] Hear This podcast festival. But we will hopefully have correspondent from The Daily Show, Ronnie

[1:16:32] Chang, stepping in for him. I say hopefully because at this moment, we're trying to get our

[1:16:39] time pushed back at the festival because Ronnie is going to be coming in, flying in from a

[1:16:46] stand-up gig in another state, and it will be tight. The time will be tight. So we're trying

[1:16:52] to get everything squared away. But hopefully that will all work out. And if not, we have a

[1:16:59] very great backup guest worked out. So those are all the messages for this week. Other than I want

[1:17:07] to remind people again that the Flop House is coming to the West Coast on October 8th,

[1:17:13] LA Region Theater, and on December the 9th, the San Francisco Marines Memorial Theater.

[1:17:22] There's also a Toronto show in there that has been sold out. So don't snore on these

[1:17:27] West Coast tickets. And now, back to the show.

[1:17:32] Other than that, 10 years of the Flop House, that's crazy. And we have some listener messages.

[1:17:37] They want to tell us, hey, it's me, not Dan. I mean, I'm Dan. I mean, no, I'm not Dan. And I

[1:17:44] think Dan's the best. Thanks, Dan, for 10 years of being the coolest dude and super sexy. Bye.

[1:17:50] Wow. Okay. That was cool and super sexy. Normally, those things are mutually exclusive.

[1:17:55] And yet, Dan pulls it off, according to not Dan?

[1:17:59] So what's up next? It's a weird name. I guess it's like Norse or something.

[1:18:03] Anyway, what's up next is letters from listeners. Listeners like you? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Get on the

[1:18:11] fucking trolley, guys. Listeners like you. What other kind of listeners would there be?

[1:18:17] You're the only ones out there. You're listening to us. And you sent us a letter.

[1:18:22] You're the only ones out there. You're listening to us. And you sent us a letter. God damn it.

[1:18:26] Will you forget that you sent us a letter? Come on. Come on. Anyway.

[1:18:32] Hey, everybody, it's time for a song to kind of smooth things over when Dan gets mad.

[1:18:38] Sometimes Dan says things that he doesn't believe and he doesn't mean. Dan's just feeling a little

[1:18:46] green. That's envious. Plus, he's been drinking again. And that's when the mean part of Dan comes

[1:18:52] out to shine. But we think you're great. And your letters are first rate. Keep sending them in. Keep

[1:19:00] listening in. Don't listen to Dan when he says those mean things. It's just a monster inside of

[1:19:07] Dan that makes him say those things. It's named Pennywise. And it's appearing in the upcoming film

[1:19:15] It. It is a movie about a clown who starts killing kids in a great small town.

[1:19:21] That clown's name is Pennywise and he lives in Dan. What a crazy man.

[1:19:28] That's a better song than any of the songs in Ishtar.

[1:19:32] Sadly, yeah.

[1:19:34] So first letter of the evening is from Dave, last name withheld.

[1:19:40] Dave Matthews of the eponymous band.

[1:19:43] Who writes, back in 1995, my girlfriend, now wife, said regarding our next date,

[1:19:50] quote, it's my turn to treat, you pick the movie.

[1:19:54] Being a 20 year old in 1995, I was just like the hugest Tarantino fan ever.

[1:20:00] So I picked, destiny turns on the radio.

[1:20:03] That's right, I saw this movie in the theater

[1:20:05] and someone else paid for it.

[1:20:07] How I was not immediately single following said date

[1:20:10] still remains a mystery.

[1:20:12] So I ask you, dear floppers,

[1:20:14] have you ever suggested something based on past enjoyment

[1:20:17] of someone's work that was so bad

[1:20:18] you had to apologize repeatedly

[1:20:20] for subjecting others to it?

[1:20:22] Thanks, Dave, last name withheld.

[1:20:26] I don't know if this is exactly the same situation,

[1:20:28] but my wife has still never seen

[1:20:31] the original series of Mr. Show.

[1:20:33] And when the Bob and David sketch on Netflix started up,

[1:20:37] I watched the first episode or two of it

[1:20:39] and I was like, this is hilarious.

[1:20:40] And Danielle was like, my wife was like,

[1:20:43] hey, I've heard of that show.

[1:20:45] I'll give it a try with you.

[1:20:46] I was like, okay, sure.

[1:20:47] I don't know what's gonna be the thing.

[1:20:47] I'll give it a try.

[1:20:48] And we watched the episode that opens with a long bit

[1:20:51] equating terrorists with Hollywood executives.

[1:20:55] And it has like a bunch of like Middle Eastern terrorists

[1:20:59] sitting in like spagos talking about terror

[1:21:01] and box office and things like that.

[1:21:03] And it is the least funny thing

[1:21:06] Bob Odenkirk and Dave Cross have ever done.

[1:21:08] And I was sitting there with her and I was like,

[1:21:11] trust me, this is not what the show is usually like.

[1:21:13] And luckily, right after that,

[1:21:15] there are a bunch of hilarious sketches in it.

[1:21:17] There's a great sketch where people are trying

[1:21:18] to write a musical about a house.

[1:21:20] And there's a scene where someone's trying to return clothes

[1:21:22] that have stains on them from the dry cleaners.

[1:21:24] Both hilarious.

[1:21:25] But for like a few minutes,

[1:21:27] I was sitting next to her being like,

[1:21:29] is this so that her first taste of this show

[1:21:31] that's like a seminal show to me,

[1:21:34] this reunion show is like gonna be literally

[1:21:37] the worst sketch I think they've ever done

[1:21:39] and just so unfunny.

[1:21:40] And I felt really bad.

[1:21:42] I didn't apologize, but I was like,

[1:21:43] let's keep watching.

[1:21:44] I'm sure it'll get better.

[1:21:45] And it did.

[1:21:46] I couldn't think of anything that was based on

[1:21:48] like previous experience.

[1:21:51] Like I couldn't think of something that was based on

[1:21:52] like I like this person in the past.

[1:21:54] So I'm gonna inflict this horrible thing on a new person.

[1:21:59] Like the only thing I can think of was

[1:22:02] when I was dating Sarah in college,

[1:22:08] I was like, hey, you know what looks good?

[1:22:11] Just based on the trailers.

[1:22:13] Just based.

[1:22:14] Final Fantasy, the spirits within.

[1:22:17] That's a crazy thing to do.

[1:22:19] Because at the time, it was just visually stunning.

[1:22:24] At the time, like there wasn't something that amazing

[1:22:28] in terms of.

[1:22:29] And the voice lines of Donald Sutherland.

[1:22:31] How do you say no?

[1:22:32] Yeah, and you're like,

[1:22:34] you just got done playing Final Fantasy VII

[1:22:37] and unlocking all the fucking summons

[1:22:39] and riding chocobos up against Sephiroth.

[1:22:43] And we watched it and it is like the most

[1:22:46] bullshit, like weird anime style plotting

[1:22:51] that you could imagine.

[1:22:53] And for years afterwards, I would apologize

[1:22:56] for taking her to see Final Fantasy, the spirits within.

[1:22:59] And she would always be like, no, it wasn't so bad.

[1:23:03] I'm just like, but it hurt me.

[1:23:05] Like, I'm like, no, it was that bad.

[1:23:09] I should be punished for this decision.

[1:23:12] Yeah, anytime you give her any kind of a gift

[1:23:14] and you see a look in her eyes,

[1:23:16] you would think, is she thinking about Final Fantasy,

[1:23:19] the spirits within?

[1:23:20] It reminds me of when Superman Returns came out

[1:23:23] and my wife and I had just started dating

[1:23:24] and I was like, I'm gonna go see the Superman movie.

[1:23:26] And it was a really gross, hot day in New York.

[1:23:28] She was like, I'll go see it with you.

[1:23:29] It'll be air conditioning.

[1:23:30] I was like, all right, I can kind of guarantee

[1:23:33] you're not gonna enjoy this movie.

[1:23:34] Like, I'm not even sure I'm gonna like it.

[1:23:36] She's like, no, no, it's fine, I'll go.

[1:23:37] And she hated it.

[1:23:38] And for years afterwards, she'd be like,

[1:23:40] well, I did go see Superman Returns with you.

[1:23:42] And I was like, whoa, I gave you fair warning.

[1:23:44] I told you ahead of time, you shouldn't see this.

[1:23:47] It's not gonna be something you like.

[1:23:49] Yeah, I can't really think of a good example of this.

[1:23:54] I mean, there's been a lot of times

[1:23:55] where I've just completely misjudged

[1:23:58] my wife's interests in things

[1:24:02] or my parents' interests in things.

[1:24:06] You talked to me about when you and your wife

[1:24:08] went to see Green Room.

[1:24:09] Yeah, so I took her to see Green Room

[1:24:12] and I had obviously seen Murder Party

[1:24:16] and Blue Ruin.

[1:24:20] And those are both, let's say, difficult movies,

[1:24:23] but not necessarily.

[1:24:25] I mean, I guess they can, they're pretty violent, but-

[1:24:28] But not like gruesome.

[1:24:29] No, not, they're not in Green Room.

[1:24:32] So I took her to see this early screening

[1:24:36] because the director was gonna be there.

[1:24:38] And so we're sitting there watching it.

[1:24:41] And she made it about 15 minutes into the movie

[1:24:44] before she had to put her hands over her eyes

[1:24:46] for the remainder of the movie.

[1:24:49] And the only thing I can say is that in the cab going home,

[1:24:53] she at least admitted it was a good movie.

[1:24:58] She just didn't like it.

[1:24:59] That's fair.

[1:25:01] This next letter is from Caleb Lastname Withheld.

[1:25:05] Caleb Carr, author of The Alienist?

[1:25:07] Yeah. Oh, wow.

[1:25:08] Caleb writes,

[1:25:10] in a previous episode,

[1:25:12] Elliot mentioned that he has a distinctive rivalry

[1:25:14] with Justin McElroy.

[1:25:16] What happened to your bitter antagonism

[1:25:18] towards John Hodgman?

[1:25:20] Stuart, since I can't be your best friend,

[1:25:22] you already have at least two of them,

[1:25:24] can I be your nemesis instead?

[1:25:26] Sure.

[1:25:27] Dan, why haven't you switched

[1:25:28] all your social media profile pics

[1:25:29] to show photos of you with your beard?

[1:25:31] It makes you look like a sexy English professor.

[1:25:33] Well, the beard is gone right now.

[1:25:35] It's a seasonal beard, but thank you for the compliment.

[1:25:38] If you were wearing a beard in this weather,

[1:25:40] you'd be dead.

[1:25:42] Let me, hold on.

[1:25:43] Let me ask, Dr. Evazan,

[1:25:45] if Dan decides to, just tell Dan,

[1:25:48] if Dan decides to grow a beard in this weather,

[1:25:51] what'll happen to him?

[1:25:52] Dr. Evazan, you'll be dead.

[1:25:55] Is that the line he says in Star Wars?

[1:25:57] You know, that was a bit of a walk around the block,

[1:26:00] but you know, I liked what happened.

[1:26:03] I guess the main question, though,

[1:26:04] is what happened to your feud with Judge John Hodgman?

[1:26:07] It's still kind of there.

[1:26:08] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:10] But it's all kayfabe, dude.

[1:26:11] You know, like, I don't wanna talk about it at school,

[1:26:14] but a lot of it's just performance, you know?

[1:26:17] I don't wanna break kayfabe, though.

[1:26:18] Yeah, me and Judge John Hodgman, ooh,

[1:26:20] we don't like each other.

[1:26:21] Me and Justin McElroy, oh boy, what a bad dude.

[1:26:25] Yeah, and somebody can be my bad dude.

[1:26:29] Somebody can kid one of the bad dudes from Bad Dude.

[1:26:34] So I hope that answers your question, I guess.

[1:26:37] The next question is from Aaron, last name withheld.

[1:26:40] Brockovich.

[1:26:41] Oh, Aaron.

[1:26:42] Wait, is it Aaron or Aaron?

[1:26:43] Aaron.

[1:26:46] Still not sure.

[1:26:47] Okay, just ask the question.

[1:26:48] Aaron.

[1:26:49] Does that help?

[1:26:50] Spell it.

[1:26:51] Aaron.

[1:26:52] Spell it.

[1:26:53] E-R-I-N.

[1:26:55] Okay, thank you, Aaron, okay.

[1:26:56] Okay, Aaron Gubra.

[1:26:57] No, that sounds more like Aaron.

[1:26:59] No, Aaron or Aaron.

[1:27:02] Yeah, I said Aaron.

[1:27:03] Yeah, that sounds like Aaron.

[1:27:04] Aaron.

[1:27:05] Aaron.

[1:27:06] Not Aaron.

[1:27:08] Well, that's how you're saying it.

[1:27:09] No.

[1:27:10] Wait.

[1:27:12] So if you met a dude named Aaron, that's how you'd say it.

[1:27:16] They'd be like, hey, hey.

[1:27:17] You'd like to stand to each other.

[1:27:18] I'm over-pronunciating it.

[1:27:20] Dan, you want to meet Aaron Eckhart

[1:27:23] from that second Batman movie?

[1:27:25] It's great to meet you, Aaron.

[1:27:28] There's Aaron and there's Aaron,

[1:27:32] and I was saying the latter.

[1:27:33] Okay, well now we know, knowing half's the battle.

[1:27:35] G.I. Joe.

[1:27:38] I recently spent an entire day

[1:27:40] creating a YA dystopia random generator.

[1:27:44] YA dystopia.

[1:27:46] Hey, hello.

[1:27:47] Thanks, Groucho.

[1:27:49] And when you mentioned terrible YA movies

[1:27:51] when discussing Max Magician, it made me wonder,

[1:27:54] if your life was a YA dystopia or typical YA movie,

[1:27:58] what would it be?

[1:27:59] Who would you be on the run from?

[1:28:01] And what's the arbitrary thing

[1:28:02] that the evil government shadow corporation

[1:28:05] slash corporate overlord slash aliens band

[1:28:08] that would get you to start the revolution?

[1:28:10] Butts, fear, movies from before 1950, the horror.

[1:28:15] Love you all's podcast,

[1:28:16] and though I live nowhere near New York City,

[1:28:18] I hope to someday visit the Hinterlands Bar and meet y'all.

[1:28:21] Sincerely, Aaron, last name withheld.

[1:28:24] I think Aaron partially answered the question, right?

[1:28:26] Yeah, I already did.

[1:28:27] Although I'd say jokes in the future.

[1:28:30] Jokes are illegal,

[1:28:31] and it's up to the comedy squad

[1:28:33] to save America from itself.

[1:28:37] It's pretty good.

[1:28:38] In a world where laughing can get you killed,

[1:28:43] the most dangerous joke of all.

[1:28:45] Is?

[1:28:47] This one.

[1:28:48] This one.

[1:28:49] So, a man walks into a bar.

[1:28:52] Okay.

[1:28:52] Ouch.

[1:28:53] Oh no.

[1:28:57] That's the joke.

[1:28:58] Uh-oh, I'm gonna be arrested for comedy crime.

[1:29:00] Yep.

[1:29:02] There's only a precog that could've saved me

[1:29:04] from that joke.

[1:29:07] Dan, what do you think in your dystopia?

[1:29:10] No, I think.

[1:29:10] What's illegal, butts?

[1:29:11] I think she got it with butts.

[1:29:13] I think the Surgeon General has eliminated butts.

[1:29:16] Okay.

[1:29:17] From the human body.

[1:29:18] They just remove them at birth, or?

[1:29:19] Yeah, at birth, there's no butts.

[1:29:20] And then there's normies who have no butts.

[1:29:25] Okay.

[1:29:26] And then there's.

[1:29:27] That doesn't sound normie to me, dude.

[1:29:29] Well, no, in this topsy-turvy world,

[1:29:32] the normies have no butts.

[1:29:34] And then there's the butt criminals.

[1:29:36] Yeah, in the future.

[1:29:38] Those with butts.

[1:29:38] No, it's the opening scrawl.

[1:29:40] It's on the back of an envelope.

[1:29:42] I mean, it sounds like it would be.

[1:29:45] Those with butts are derisively referred to as dares,

[1:29:49] short for derrieres, or hole-havers.

[1:29:55] So, is it the whole, like the anus is gone?

[1:29:57] Where do you poop out of?

[1:29:58] Or it's just the fleshy part?

[1:30:00] gluteus. Yeah, you push it back up out of your mouth like... Everyone has a cloaca.

[1:30:04] Oh, okay. And does Double Duty. Yeah, that's the name of the movie, Double Duty.

[1:30:12] That's great. What if Double Dragon was called Double Duty?

[1:30:15] Uh, you would get a little something like this. It'd probably be a less successful video game

[1:30:20] franchise, instead of a more successful movie franchise. I think you're right.

[1:30:24] And, Stuart, what would they ban for you? Yeah, I mean, I think beer's a good answer.

[1:30:30] Tabletop gaming? I feel like comic books is another good one. Oh, yeah.

[1:30:34] Like, that's another silly one, where it's like, wait, really? That's what they're banning,

[1:30:40] and people are freaking out? I love how many rock and roll concept things there are where

[1:30:44] rock and roll has been banned. And it's like, yeah, because that's the only thing between us

[1:30:49] and total totalitarian domination is rock and roll. Thanks, Dix. Yes, Dix, you're the one thing

[1:30:56] keeping us from falling over the precipice. Can't even say the word. Dan, can you say that word for

[1:31:05] me? Precipice. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, yeah, the totalitarian... Man, after 10 years, our tongues

[1:31:15] are dissolving. What happened? Oh, no. Did I infect you? The jewel in my palm is glowing.

[1:31:21] I've reached the end of my lifetime. But the totalitarian government,

[1:31:26] they should just give it time, and rock will kill itself, right? Yeah, it'll get all bloated. It'll

[1:31:31] get replaced with other stuff. Yeah, hip hop. Whatever. What do kids even listen to nowadays?

[1:31:37] I don't know. Skrillex? Do they still listen to Skrillex? Do they still listen to that guy?

[1:31:42] Okay. YouTube celebs talking about their makeup? Sure. Unboxing things. Yeah. Unboxings.

[1:31:52] Unboxing day. They do all their unboxing videos. Oh, boy. How long do you think until there's an

[1:31:57] unboxing video-based horror movie? What do you think would happen in that horror movie? They

[1:32:02] open up a box and something scary is inside. Oh, so it's like the crepe from Creepshow? Or

[1:32:06] the crepe from the movie The Crepe. Or the cape from the show The Cape.

[1:32:12] We have to get on that, guys. It's an unboxing horror movie? Yeah, somebody else is going to do

[1:32:16] it before us. We should do it. Okay, that's the title of it. Unboxing? Or Unboxed? Unboxed.

[1:32:23] And the tagline is, just don't open it. Okay, we're already halfway there. Now we just need to

[1:32:28] write a script and cast that and then shoot it. That's the easy part. Dan, any other letters?

[1:32:33] Just one quick last letter from Skyler, last name withheld. You got nothing for that, huh?

[1:32:40] Skyler Colfax. From Breaking Bad. Skyler from Breaking Bad. Hi, Flappers. I was recently

[1:32:47] listening to your episode on Saving Christmas in which you mentioned Go-Gurt. I googled it to see

[1:32:53] if it was still around and found out that, yes, it is still being made and, more importantly,

[1:32:57] that in the UK it is called Froobz. What? Just thought you'd like to know that. What is that?

[1:33:04] Last name withheld. What could that possibly be a portmanteau? Froobz. Froobz. So, food,

[1:33:10] fruit, dudes. Is it Frooduh or Froobuh? Froobz. Froobz like... Like it rhymes with boobs. So,

[1:33:19] fruit and boobs. Yeah. Fruit and tubes, I guess that is what it is. Finally, fruit in a tube,

[1:33:24] which is just a banana. Mm-hmm. Fruit, boobs, and tubes. That's the sequel to Diner's Drive-Ins

[1:33:30] and Dive-In Dives with Guy Fieri has gone insane. I'm driving around America looking for the best

[1:33:37] fruit, tubes, and boobs. I'm here at Bethlehem Pipeworks where steel is made into pipes. Those

[1:33:46] are tubes. And then it's on to Beaver's, the local strip club, for boobs. Then I'm gonna hit

[1:33:54] up a local farmer's market. Yeah, and they're mixed fruit and metal. Yeah. I'm gonna go apple

[1:33:59] picking. And he goes into a big factory and he's like, hey man, these are such cool tubes. You

[1:34:11] know how I'd make this tube? I'd wrap it in titanium like a quarter inch thick. That'll

[1:34:15] make it real strong. That'll be a good tube. I'll be going to a production of Blue Man Group's hit

[1:34:22] show, Tubes. Oh boy. So Froobz. Thanks for that. Okay. Good news. Good news. You hear the good

[1:34:31] news about Froobz, Tim? I have. He's been converted. So the last thing that we normally do on the show

[1:34:39] is to recommend movies. Movies that we might like to see instead of whatever the fuck we watched.

[1:34:48] Ishtar. Stuart seems to not have anything. I can go first. You know, I'm about halfway,

[1:34:58] I'm like 30 minutes into a movie and I don't want to recommend it yet because I haven't

[1:35:03] finished watching it. So I'm just going to recommend, I'm going to recommend a movie

[1:35:07] from 1973 titled Robin Hood, animated by Disney and Don Bluth. The sexiest foxes around. It's

[1:35:15] fucking great. Until Zootopia. Until Zootopia, it had the sexiest foxes around. Well, until Star

[1:35:21] Fox 64. I think the jury's not out on that one. He rides a fighter jet spaceship. I mean,

[1:35:29] it depends on what you're into, man. I'm into the fantasy stuff. Okay. Character design's great.

[1:35:36] It's just an awesome movie. You should go watch it. It's probably my favorite of the older Disney

[1:35:41] animated canon. Really? Yeah. I mean, I like it. I certainly loved it as a kid. I had an obsession

[1:35:48] with Robin Hood as a child. And that's why you're a furry now. No shame in that. No, come on,

[1:35:56] it's norms now. It's how Dan lives his life, although I wouldn't do it now because it's

[1:35:59] fucking hot as hell right now. Yeah, you would. Dr. Evazan, if Dan puts on his sex furry costume

[1:36:06] in this heat, how will he be? You'll be dead. Oh, wow. Well, why don't we invite that guy over?

[1:36:13] Oh, because he's friends with Pondebeba and Pondebeba's cool. Yeah. That's roughly what

[1:36:19] Pondebeba sounds like. Oh, you're looking at me. So I haven't seen a lot recently,

[1:36:26] but I did see a little movie called John Wick 2, Two Shades of Blue. And it's a fun action film.

[1:36:37] It's exactly what you expect out of a John Wick 2. Except for, I will say this, I was talking to

[1:36:42] Elliot about it. The beauty of John Wick kind of is in its simplicity. This guy gets his dog killed,

[1:36:49] and it's a classic, you fucked with the wrong guy scenario. Like, oh, okay, the fun of this

[1:36:55] is seeing all of these punks get outclassed by the biggest fucking badass in the world.

[1:37:05] And you literally just fucked with the wrong guy. And John Wick 2 takes it into a turn of this more

[1:37:14] baroque kind of universe where everyone is an assassin and fleshes out this assassin's creed,

[1:37:24] if you will. The way that all these hired killers interact and their code of conduct.

[1:37:37] Exactly. And so you're moving from what's basically... From New York to LA. That's

[1:37:43] where I'm moving from. That's too bad. An upscale sort of taken scenario to this really weird

[1:37:49] fantasy universe where everyone's super good at killing. But it's still really fun. It's a fun

[1:37:56] action film. And if you like well-choreographed action scenes, you'll get your fill.

[1:38:02] If you like choreographed action scenes, Ishtar. I'm going to recommend a movie that had a lot of

[1:38:08] promise and doesn't quite live up to it, but it's still a really fun movie. And that's a movie

[1:38:13] called Winter Kills, which is directed by William Rickert. And it's got an amazing cast. Stars Jeff

[1:38:19] Bridges in the main role. There's also John Huston. Anthony Perkins is in it. Eli Wallach's in it.

[1:38:24] Tashira Mifune is in it. Sterling Hayden is in it. Elizabeth Taylor appears in it.

[1:38:28] It's got this amazing cast. And it's kind of like a 70s version of The Manchurian Candidate,

[1:38:35] but not quite. It's a couple tiers down from Manchurian Candidate in terms of

[1:38:40] what it has to say and kind of how well it says it. And it's kind of not sure if it's a thriller

[1:38:49] or a comedy, but in a way that really worked for me, where Jeff Bridges is the brother of a Kennedy

[1:38:54] type president who was assassinated years ago. And they have this super rich dad, John Huston.

[1:39:00] And Jeff Bridges essentially learns that it may have been a conspiracy that killed his brother

[1:39:05] and that the real killers are out there and decides to go on the trail. And it's the kind

[1:39:10] of movie that's like a little tongue-in-cheek, but then suddenly a bunch of characters will just get

[1:39:14] killed out of nowhere. And I enjoyed it a lot. It's far from a perfect movie. It's got a lot

[1:39:19] of flaws and the ending really doesn't work, but it's a fun watch. Winter Kills.

[1:39:25] All right. Three recommendations from the three original bad boys.

[1:39:31] Mm hmm. Not Lawrence Will Smith and Charles Manson.

[1:39:36] What a different movie, though.

[1:39:40] So it's been 10 years, guys. 10 years.

[1:39:43] 10 amazing years. You know, so much has happened in the 10 years since this podcast began.

[1:39:51] Smartphones became common.

[1:39:54] And common became one of America's favorite hip hop stars.

[1:39:58] And fidget spinners.

[1:40:00] on their way into our hearts meanwhile netflix keeps flexing along nothing but net and there's

[1:40:09] been so many spider-man's oh so many spider-man's dan's had to uh we didn't used to have to

[1:40:16] order the fucking movies from netflix that's true we would have to get we would have to

[1:40:21] get them in the mail yeah it was dumb i wonder i wonder what it would be like i wonder what

[1:40:28] it's gonna be like when we keep doing this podcast in the future the future the future

[1:40:58] hello and welcome to the podcast i'm dan mccoy hey i'm future stewart wellington i'm a brain

[1:41:15] in a jar that was once known as elliot caylen functionally immortal now that i'm a brain

[1:41:19] in a jar and my consciousness was also double uploaded to skynet so i'll live forever that's

[1:41:25] great in the mind of a t-1000 liquid metal bot thanks for letting all of our current day

[1:41:30] listeners understand some of the technologies that they deal with on an everyday basis yeah

[1:41:35] i don't know why i explained all that because it's pretty well known and fully seventy percent

[1:41:39] of the human population is now brains and jars uploaded to skynet but that's what do we do on

[1:41:43] this uh holocast brain box dan we watch uh well we watch our own holocasts which are of course in

[1:41:53] this case movies that are beamed directly into our brains it's let's as information that the

[1:41:58] audience probably doesn't need to know but let's continue to explain it as this is how they ingest

[1:42:02] mass media these days which is right now we watch a bad version of that and then we talk about it

[1:42:07] yeah so they will take their cred stick and stick it into their video player which then beams things

[1:42:13] directly into their brain and every video player usually looks like some kind of weird semi organic

[1:42:19] blob that they have strapped to their wrist they have to plug it into the port at the base of their

[1:42:24] neck and of course with every vid play comes a a little bit of a deterioration of the pineal gland

[1:42:31] yeah and a little bit of a like a fluid seepage that comes out from their their neck port but

[1:42:37] because movies or hollow vid sin experiences as they're known now as everyone knows because they

[1:42:42] live now as they since they're now at the same time they come double-packed with legal heroin

[1:42:49] it's addictive and people need them and so thanks for clarifying to people in modern day that heroin

[1:42:56] is become such a part of modern life yeah that people forget that there was a time that it was

[1:43:03] that it was when we were kids it was still illegal but of course now babies are given it by the

[1:43:09] government because the Trump because the Trump Omicron demands a certain level of sedation in

[1:43:14] the population now the hollow vid sin experience that we watched this time was of course the 10th

[1:43:21] in the reboot of the Fast and the Furious series fast 10 your seatbelts it's impressive that they

[1:43:28] chose the same pun both times they made a 10th film in the franchise now I find it weird that

[1:43:34] they would even though they're rebooting it that would still use the Vin Diesel's head in a jar no

[1:43:40] offense to you Elliot as a head in a jar but a brain in a jar rightly it's not a full head this

[1:43:46] isn't Futurama or as it's known now pastor Rama I just think it would be strange to use and don't

[1:43:53] let's not confuse that with pasta Rama the the chain of pasta restaurants which is now the most

[1:43:58] popular dining place for all humans on the earth it's where I take my Italian brain in a jar yeah

[1:44:03] because pasta again as we everyone knows is now also double packed with heroin and people just

[1:44:09] crave it and by the way just to confirm that heroin is also addictive but even though it's

[1:44:17] good that they you know went with a nostalgia choice with Vin Diesel like I feel like a brain

[1:44:22] in a jar being limbless is not really the best driver of cars I mean it doesn't really matter

[1:44:29] since cars are as everyone knows now driverless and totally autonomous and the cars have taken

[1:44:34] over large swaths of the country it doesn't make it strange that these are the best car drivers in

[1:44:39] the world when cars can drive themselves yeah it hurts the premise a little bit but that's these

[1:44:44] crazy modern times we live in but is that brain in a jar any worse than what they did with the

[1:44:49] rock who of course we all remember in the third movie and in real life his brain was placed into

[1:44:55] a granite reproduction of his original body from when he was young after he atrophied from brood

[1:45:02] sickness you know after the satellite crashed into his home but I said any better expected

[1:45:08] that they would take that brain and that rock that they have inserted his brain into and then

[1:45:12] taking that rock and stuck with that into a jar too yeah it's crazy that it's in a giant jar but

[1:45:18] is that any better I mean it looks a little bit like a body meanwhile you've got all these great

[1:45:24] character actors in it like Harry Connick jr. jr. and of course there's also Johnny this guy's

[1:45:31] junior senior junior and of course Edward James all the way no longer almost and what's great

[1:45:48] is that they're continuing the tradition of being a multiracial very ethnically various

[1:45:54] movie you got of course a white person a black person an Asian person a Latina a Martian a

[1:46:00] Venetian one of those sentient octopuses from those thermal vents that they discovered a few

[1:46:04] years ago there's a robot there's a black robot there's an Asian robot there's a Latina robot

[1:46:09] there's that one Indian robot and there's that American Indian robot and then of course there's

[1:46:14] the space jellyfish that they found in that thermal vent up on Mars I like that they cast as the bad

[1:46:20] the the new version of Hector Elizondo Hector Alessandro the Komodo dragon version of Hector

[1:46:29] Alessandro yeah and you really were ahead of the curve I predicted that years ago and I don't know

[1:46:35] how many times I apologize to you now but I apologize that I ever made fun of you were just

[1:46:39] ahead of your time much like say Ishtar was ahead of its time in some ways and yet widely reviled

[1:46:45] now of course Ishtar has been recognized as a great masterwork and is the subject of several

[1:46:49] religions did we ever review Ishtar on the show so hard to remember that was so long ago so silly

[1:46:56] right it would be weird because it's like we would probably have not much to say and what we would

[1:47:00] say would sound like gibberish yeah especially since nobody speaks the language we spoke back

[1:47:05] then English now it's all interlack which of course you can understand because you have that

[1:47:14] you're a modern person living in the modern time living in the modern living in the enormous Dyson

[1:47:23] sphere that Earth has become just going out and spending your space bucks on whatever space

[1:47:28] things you want yeah it's weird that there's a competing credit currencies credits and space

[1:47:33] bucks and the conversion rate is very different but it's better in the end than when then when

[1:47:41] the whole country briefly went on digital currencies oh we all remember that that was

[1:47:46] terrible yeah where we would have to trade Digimons for things it was like 10 Digimons

[1:47:53] equals one poke a buck that was great can you imagine that everyone had to carry around wallets

[1:47:58] of Digimons and it was just like big sacks right nuts forget about it but that was great that was

[1:48:04] at least all those ads advertising for Tamagotchi for gold remember those yeah yeah that they take

[1:48:10] and I mean they would just dissect the Tamagotchi's and take those little livers out

[1:48:14] that's right put them into monkeys to make cyber monkeys there are all those Tamagotchi's who would

[1:48:19] wake up and Mexico in baths of ice and baths of ice yep and they would go to the go into the

[1:48:25] bathroom and they look in the mirror and I would say welcome to the wide world of Tamagotchi so

[1:48:33] many urban legends were put into that one so many urban legends well Dan I never heard about

[1:48:41] suburban legends huh like even future and my future Dan you mean of course the present Dan

[1:48:52] oh well guys we've had a lot of fun talking about fast 10 year seatbelts the 10th fast

[1:48:58] and the furious reboot but looking at my watch I see it's about time for the scheduled nuclear

[1:49:03] war to take place up and I think I could hear the whistling of the warheads so we should probably

[1:49:08] sign off for this episode of the flop house present all right and for future but of course

[1:49:17] that would be crazy for the podcast I've been space Dan McCoy I'm still that future Stuart

[1:49:23] Wellington and I'm the brain in a jar that was once Elliot Kaelin with his consciousness uploaded

[1:49:28] good night everyone

[1:49:29] if you're writing spills a lot look at that spilling water on his paper yeah check out

[1:49:41] this guy mr. spills my drinking problem is that I'm unable to drink things all right

[1:49:49] call me Crosby spills nash yeah I'm of course Steven spills

[1:50:00] All right, that's a good bloop fodder there Dan. That's an extra

[1:50:07] Feeling like right now with all this heat so hot out and start the episode. We're melting. Okay?

[1:50:14] On this episode we discussed. I'll try that again. Yeah, say it properly maybe

[1:50:21] It's great

[1:50:23] Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #237 - Ishtar

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