Ep. #238 - xXx: The Return of Xander Cage LIVE

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss XXX, the return of Xander Cage, live in Brooklyn.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:36] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] Hey, Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] Hey, Dan and Stuart.

[0:40] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] And where are we?

[0:42] We're live in Brooklyn, as Stuart said.

[0:43] Did Elliot fade off into the distance?

[0:44] Oh, yeah, right.

[0:45] Oh, yeah.

[0:46] Like in the intro.

[0:47] Yeah.

[0:48] You know, I just want to say that Brooklyn audiences...

[0:49] No, do not.

[0:51] Brooklyn audiences are the closest to my apartment audiences in the whole world.

[0:53] All right.

[0:54] That's an honest pander.

[0:55] I'm not going to give that pander a Pinocchio award or a pants on fire or anything.

[0:56] Dan's pandering should be called dandering, right, Elliot?

[0:57] Yeah, because I'm allergic to pans.

[0:58] I'm allergic to pans.

[1:01] Yeah, I'm allergic to pans.

[1:02] Pans.

[1:03] Pans.

[1:04] Pans.

[1:05] Pans.

[1:06] Pans.

[1:07] Pans.

[1:08] Pans.

[1:09] Pans.

[1:10] Pans.

[1:11] Pans.

[1:12] Pans.

[1:13] Pans.

[1:14] Pans.

[1:15] Pans.

[1:16] Pans.

[1:17] Pans.

[1:18] Pans.

[1:19] Pans.

[1:20] Pans.

[1:21] Pans.

[1:22] Pans.

[1:23] Pans.

[1:24] Pans.

[1:25] Pans.

[1:26] Pans.

[1:27] Oh yeah, because I'm allergic to it.

[1:30] Dan, what are we doing on this podcast?

[1:33] On this podcast, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:34] Oh boy.

[1:35] Which we did not do this time.

[1:36] Oh.

[1:37] Because this movie rules.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:39] Guys, can I just pull back the curtain a little bit and say that this is the first time that

[1:47] we watched a movie all separate from one another?

[1:49] Everyone awed just then as if a baby riding a puppy fell in a wood chipper.

[1:54] Oh no.

[1:55] It started so well and ended so sadly.

[1:59] Yeah.

[2:00] There's more than one kind of awe.

[2:02] That's true.

[2:03] We watched it separately this time, so we're going to be kind of discovering how we feel

[2:06] about this movie together as a group.

[2:08] Yeah, so we didn't influence each other except for the text where I'm like, this movie's

[2:12] fucking awesome.

[2:14] And the text that Dan sent us that said something like, this is the stupidest movie we've ever

[2:19] watched.

[2:20] So I think we've got a real debate on our hands.

[2:21] So since we don't have as much time as we usually do, because we're in a real place

[2:25] with real people, not Dan's apartment, which is not a real place that just has a cat in

[2:28] it.

[2:29] A cat that is imprisoned and crying the whole time.

[2:33] Should we just jump into it?

[2:36] Just like Xander Cage would?

[2:38] Yeah.

[2:39] Guys, I just want to ask you.

[2:41] Yes?

[2:43] Where were you when you heard that Xander Cage was returning?

[2:48] You know what?

[2:49] I'll never forget not remembering where I was when you asked me that question.

[2:54] Stu, do you remember?

[2:55] Yeah, I think I was sitting there thinking about how all the movies I want to see are

[2:59] populated with my daddy's secret agents.

[3:02] Oh, yeah.

[3:03] Oh, this one is very much not your daddy's secret agent.

[3:07] No.

[3:08] Unless your dad is Samuel L. Jackson, I guess?

[3:11] My dad's pretty into, I don't know, vaping and those fidget spinners.

[3:17] No offense, no offense.

[3:20] My favorite thing sometimes about doing the podcast is watching that moment where Stuart's

[3:24] gears are turning, where he's like, I've committed myself to saying something.

[3:28] I got to think of the reference real quick.

[3:31] See, guys, I'm pretty good at improv.

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:34] All right.

[3:35] So as mentioned, XXX, Return of Xander Cage involves the return of, that's right, your

[3:39] favorite hero from XXX, Xander Cage.

[3:42] The Xander Cage?

[3:43] The Xander Cage.

[3:44] Because as this movie shows us, this super secret super spy is the most famous man in

[3:49] the world.

[3:50] OK, but we open with Samuel L. Jackson, who in the first movie and second movie recruited

[3:55] the XXX agents.

[3:57] He goes into a speech about why because of asymmetrical warfare and the problems of national

[4:02] security in the 21st century, the answer is skateboards.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:07] And it never really makes a lot of sense, but it's all it's all like one shot.

[4:10] Right.

[4:11] Or is it not?

[4:12] It's all pretty.

[4:13] It's a pretty long.

[4:14] Oh, it's a it's a Paul Thomas Anderson style tour de force.

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] And I was too busy trying to set up the audio for the movie.

[4:22] So I missed this part.

[4:23] OK.

[4:24] Well, he explains the guiding principle of the film while trying to sell a foot, a soccer

[4:28] or as they would say in this player's native country, football star on why he's doing the

[4:33] triple X program.

[4:34] The guy says, I'm not a hero, then proves that wrong by stopping a robbery in the restaurant

[4:39] they're in, by kicking a napkin dispenser into the head of the gunman trying to rob

[4:43] the restaurant.

[4:44] Yeah.

[4:45] It looks like a new action hero has just been launched into the triple X franchise.

[4:49] Then a satellite crashes next to the restaurant and they are engulfed in flame.

[4:56] And both of these characters have been given dramatic Suicide Squad style introductions

[5:01] to like graphics on screen text and everything.

[5:04] Hobbies are explained to us like Slipknot.

[5:07] Yeah.

[5:08] Yeah.

[5:09] Like your favorite character, Slipknot.

[5:11] You can climb anything.

[5:12] Yeah.

[5:13] So that so that cut to the CIA headquarters, a secret, secure, confidential meeting room,

[5:22] which for some reason has a skylight.

[5:24] The director of the CIA shows up to a meeting where Tony Collette, who has one of those

[5:31] jobs where she's not the head of the CIA, but she's some kind of like amorphous manager

[5:37] of all spy things.

[5:39] You know, she's entered the Tilda Swinton phase of her career, I think, in this movie.

[5:44] Wow.

[5:45] I mean, she's like the non-union Tilda Swinton.

[5:47] And then when she gets older, she'll be in the Judi Dench phase where she's like an air

[5:50] elemental in science fiction movies.

[5:52] That's right.

[5:54] You're talking about Chronicles of Riddick, another Vin Diesel franchise?

[5:56] Another Vin Diesel classic.

[5:57] Because you can't I just can't stop talking about the D's, which for me usually means

[6:01] Eddie Deason.

[6:02] But in this case, it's Vin Diesel.

[6:04] And why haven't they made a movie together yet?

[6:06] Where they're like, he's Vin Diesel's dad.

[6:09] It could be a remake of Twins, I feel like.

[6:11] Except Eddie Deason is like 30 years older than Vin Diesel.

[6:15] So yeah, they could be twins.

[6:18] Do you remember there was that Farrelly Brothers movie about the Siamese twins?

[6:22] Yeah.

[6:23] And it was like Greg Kinnear and...

[6:24] Thank you.

[6:25] Stuck on you.

[6:26] Stuck on you.

[6:27] And I remember reading somewhere that their original casting was Woody Allen and Woody

[6:30] Harrelson.

[6:34] And the joke was that one of the twins is just aging much faster than the other one.

[6:40] That'd be so much better than the movie they made.

[6:42] Yeah.

[6:43] I'm stuck on it.

[6:44] I'm stuck on it.

[6:45] Anyway, it turns out there's some kind of super secret spy machine that's crashing satellites

[6:50] and some kind of super secret terrorist bad guy has it.

[6:53] Luckily, the CIA captured the machine, which is about the...

[6:56] It's like a mother box, basically, for our Fourth World fans out there.

[7:01] It's a MacGuffin box is what it is.

[7:03] It's a MacGuffin box, yeah.

[7:04] It's a techno box that does bad things.

[7:06] It's filled with egg MacGuffins.

[7:09] Hitchcock was just not trying when he made that movie for McDonald's.

[7:15] Drive-thru rear window.

[7:21] It should have been rear drive-thru window.

[7:23] I know.

[7:24] Jimmy Stewart is working the late night shift when he thinks he sees a murder committed

[7:28] in a car in the parking lot.

[7:31] I can't even add anything to this.

[7:33] It's too good.

[7:34] Thank you.

[7:35] Oh, I'm too big, Max.

[7:37] Yeah, I can do impressions.

[7:39] Why is he ordering when he works there?

[7:42] Because I'm hungry, Elliot.

[7:45] This is like Jimmy Stewart is a Hanna-Barbera character.

[7:51] Tell you what, we don't sell the McRib anymore.

[7:56] You can't order that.

[7:59] It's after 11.

[8:02] How many times do I have to tell you?

[8:08] So that was a 20-piece?

[8:12] Anyway, a bunch of what I can only call leather spies, because they're all wearing leather,

[8:19] jump in, smash through the skylight, kill everybody in the room except for Tony Collette.

[8:24] And this scene is great.

[8:26] That's it.

[8:27] And this movie is bonkers.

[8:29] Now, it has taken the movie less time to do all this than it took us to talk about it.

[8:34] Everything's super fast.

[8:35] It's like they were like, hey, you know the scenes in the middle of action scenes that

[8:39] explain what's going on and why people are doing stuff?

[8:42] I don't know why we need those.

[8:45] So they just run in and steal it.

[8:47] And it's one of those weird things where it's like the room full of the CIA has no security.

[8:52] The security all waits outside.

[8:54] And then when the bad guys rush in, the security guys run in at one at a time, try shooting the bad guys.

[8:59] The bad guys kill that one security guy.

[9:01] Next security guy steps up, takes his turn.

[9:04] It's classic ninja tactics.

[9:07] Yeah, but with a gun.

[9:08] I mean, that's the weird thing about it.

[9:10] Like, can you just, you know, isn't that what a gun is for?

[9:13] I'm led to believe that a gun is a very efficient killing machine.

[9:16] Is that untrue?

[9:17] I mean, Triple X, Return of Xander Cage would have us believe not.

[9:20] No.

[9:21] One extreme sportsman can dismantle any gun that you come at him with.

[9:25] I mean, many characters in this movie can just avoid being shot entirely.

[9:29] Yeah, through their skateboardiness.

[9:32] Yeah, and some of its parkour.

[9:34] And DJ-ness.

[9:35] Yeah, well, we'll get to that.

[9:37] Looks like a job for Xander Cage.

[9:39] Where's he?

[9:40] In a Latin American country.

[9:41] Do you remember?

[9:42] Was it Dominican Republic?

[9:43] Was that it?

[9:44] He's, I believe, in the DR.

[9:46] He's performing a stunt that involves something on a satellite tower that involves jungle skiing, parkour,

[9:54] and then skateboarding down a road that must go on for a thousand miles.

[10:00] All of it downhill.

[10:01] Every single person he passes knows exactly who he is

[10:04] and loves him.

[10:05] They could be young little kids, old men driving trucks,

[10:09] and I gotta tell you, there's something not that cool

[10:12] ultimately about a grown man hunched over a skateboard.

[10:16] I mean, it's really cool.

[10:17] I like that he appeals to all age demographics.

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:21] Everyone knows him and loves him,

[10:23] and it turns out it's all to set up a pirate feed

[10:25] of a soccer match for the people who can't afford cable.

[10:28] Then he goes home to have sex with his model girlfriend,

[10:30] leaves her a skateboard with a post-it note on it,

[10:33] and he's off to the races.

[10:35] But before that, before he had sex,

[10:37] there's a kid who's like, I love you, Xander Cage.

[10:40] Yeah, and he's like, you brought the world to us.

[10:42] Yeah.

[10:43] And you remember what Xander Cage's advice is?

[10:44] He said something about how the world is in your heart.

[10:46] Keep it in your heart.

[10:47] Yeah.

[10:48] And then you can be anywhere or something?

[10:50] I don't remember.

[10:51] That's a pretty good Vin Diesel impression

[10:52] right there, Elliot.

[10:54] No, wait, hold on.

[10:55] He's like, keep it in your heart,

[10:56] then you can be everywhere.

[10:58] I can tell you're in your heart.

[11:00] Keep it.

[11:05] That'll be $7.98.

[11:07] Please pull up to the next window.

[11:10] Xander, Xander, you can't bring your skateboard

[11:13] through the drive-thru.

[11:15] We've talked to you about this.

[11:17] But this sets up a theme of the movie,

[11:18] which is everyone in the world fucking loves Xander Cage.

[11:21] They fucking love Xander Cage,

[11:22] and they love fucking Xander Cage.

[11:25] But wait, I want to point out one thing.

[11:26] So Xander Cage, he's the rebel spy.

[11:28] He's an extreme sports guy.

[11:30] He doesn't like the man.

[11:31] And yet, interesting how what he's done isn't to,

[11:35] while he's setting up the soccer game,

[11:36] we see guys like pushing loads of salt sweat

[11:39] falling from their brows.

[11:40] And it's like, hey, wait a minute.

[11:42] Rather than showing the masses who their true enemy is

[11:44] and leading them into an uprising,

[11:47] he's just provided the opiate of professional sports

[11:50] in what I can only call a pantomime of rebellion

[11:53] that misleads the people into thinking

[11:55] they're sticking it to the man

[11:56] when in fact he's lulling them to sleep

[11:59] so that tomorrow they can wake up and break their backs

[12:02] in the service of the corporate international megalopolises.

[12:05] Yeah, who built that skateboard?

[12:07] Yeah, who made that skateboard?

[12:08] Who paved those roads?

[12:09] You didn't build that, Xander.

[12:10] I don't know.

[12:11] My message just turned 180 degrees.

[12:13] I don't need to pay attention to your ramblings anymore,

[12:18] Elliot, this is Trump's America.

[12:20] You're right, yeah, yeah.

[12:21] Who?

[12:22] Oh, wow.

[12:23] Sad, really.

[12:24] The baby fell into that wood chipper.

[12:25] No, the president threw a baby in a wood chipper.

[12:30] Anyway.

[12:31] Comey's testifying about it and still doesn't know.

[12:32] Dan, we're not gonna release this episode for a while.

[12:34] People are gonna be like, Comey, what the hell is that?

[12:38] Was that that African warlord

[12:39] everyone cared about six years ago?

[12:46] Didn't his show get cancelled or something?

[12:48] Stuart, you were gonna say something?

[12:50] No, I wasn't gonna say anything.

[12:53] Okay, Vin is off on his own,

[12:55] but then he gets framed with a bomb

[12:57] and a bunch of police come after him.

[12:58] Turns out, it's all a test from Tony Collette.

[13:01] He knew it was just a test and not fake

[13:02] because he noticed the tiny clues all around him.

[13:04] He's super perceptive.

[13:05] He's like Sherlock Holmes on a skateboard,

[13:06] breaking the rules of Spiderm.

[13:08] And this continues a trope within the XXX series

[13:12] where he gets stuck in what seems like a dangerous situation

[13:16] but all the guns are filled with blanks.

[13:19] But not Xander.

[13:21] Xander doesn't shoot blanks.

[13:23] He better hope he is because he goes to London

[13:25] to get a hacker to help him track down these ghost agents

[13:28] that can't be found who stole what they call

[13:29] the Pandora's box.

[13:31] And the price for getting that hacker's help?

[13:32] He has to have an orgy with seven or eight women

[13:35] who all keep their underpants on.

[13:38] But it wasn't even like set up as the price

[13:41] of him getting that information.

[13:42] Like it was weird.

[13:43] In a normal, in like a James Bond movie,

[13:45] James Bond has sex with a woman to get her on his side

[13:48] or to get some piece of information.

[13:50] In this movie, he asked the lady for information.

[13:52] She's like, I'll give it to you tomorrow.

[13:53] In the meantime, here's eight women.

[13:56] Maybe you would like to have sex with them?

[13:57] That's just Xander Cage.

[13:58] She doesn't give him the option.

[14:00] That's true.

[14:01] No, in some ways, if you read that scene differently,

[14:03] he was raped by eight women.

[14:06] Like he's never given the chance to back out.

[14:09] He was smiling.

[14:10] Maybe it was just nervousness, you know?

[14:13] Let's not, he didn't say yes.

[14:14] Let's assume, let's not assume he's into it.

[14:16] I just wanna watch you dig yourself out of this.

[14:19] I'm sorry that I'm looking out for Xander Cage.

[14:22] And I don't want it to be assumed that he's asking for it

[14:25] just because he's wearing that huge fur coat

[14:27] with just an undershirt with no sleeves underneath.

[14:31] So when he, when he looks-

[14:32] He can dress however he wants, Dan.

[14:34] It's not an invitation.

[14:35] When he looks at the camera and says,

[14:38] those things I'll do for my country.

[14:42] That's really sad.

[14:43] That was with a thousand yard stare of a trauma victim.

[14:46] Very sad.

[14:47] Anyway, they find the bad guys

[14:49] live in some kind of tropical party criminal islands.

[14:52] And here's something I was wondering.

[14:53] In the meantime, though, Xander has assembled his team.

[14:56] We should talk about his team.

[14:57] Tell me about his team.

[14:57] Do you guys remember the team?

[14:58] Nope.

[14:59] So there's-

[15:02] So first he meets, he meets nerdy spy girl, Comic Relief.

[15:06] Yes.

[15:07] Okay.

[15:08] Oh, that's the comedy scene

[15:09] where she spends a long time talking about her sexual safe word.

[15:12] Yeah, how she's totally into him.

[15:14] How she's totally into him.

[15:16] And, and anyway, I don't know.

[15:18] It's just like, it's one of those things where it's like,

[15:19] she keeps coming on to him and he's like, yeah, maybe later.

[15:22] You got glasses or else I'd do you right now.

[15:24] So-

[15:25] That's the subject.

[15:26] Anyway.

[15:27] But his actual team is, he's got the sniper lady.

[15:30] Yeah, she's a hunter.

[15:31] Played by famous androgynous model, Ruby Rose.

[15:34] Androgynous?

[15:36] I mean, she's, she's a,

[15:38] she's a very attractive boyish lady.

[15:41] I mean, the movie-

[15:42] Now Dan gets to figure himself out.

[15:45] No, she's known for this.

[15:46] I mean, she's, nevermind.

[15:48] This is like-

[15:49] Anyway, well-

[15:50] This is like a whole thing.

[15:51] Each of these people are anti-establishment people.

[15:53] So she's introduced.

[15:55] You think she's about to kill a lion?

[15:56] No, she's shooting at lion hunters

[15:59] and leaves them to limp through the jungle

[16:00] with their knees bleeding to be eaten by a lion, I assume.

[16:05] Who's next?

[16:06] Who's next on the team?

[16:07] So we've got hunter, hunter.

[16:08] Okay.

[16:09] There's the guy who drives the car,

[16:10] who is, he likes to crash a lot.

[16:12] He's a stunt driver, loves to crash.

[16:14] And then there is a DJ.

[16:17] Yeah.

[16:18] And there's no reason given for him to be on this team

[16:20] except for that he is fun.

[16:22] Yeah.

[16:22] No reason.

[16:23] And when the bad guys show up later,

[16:25] he like hits them with his MacBook and throws CDs at them.

[16:28] You know, you haven't seen a more deadly DJ

[16:31] than Hellraiser 3.

[16:32] Now, I was watching this with a friend

[16:36] and she Googled him

[16:37] and she's apparently a big K-pop star.

[16:40] Okay.

[16:41] Well, that's the thing about this movie-

[16:42] It's very successful abroad.

[16:43] This movie is one of the few movies,

[16:45] I was reading about it,

[16:46] that made a hundred million dollars in China

[16:48] without making a hundred million dollars

[16:49] in the United States.

[16:50] And it is a very,

[16:51] here's one of the strengths of this movie.

[16:53] The first strength is it's super dumb.

[16:55] The second, and it doesn't care.

[16:57] The second strength is this is a real

[16:59] like multinational, multi-ethnic group.

[17:02] Like you have a hero group that involves Vin Diesel

[17:04] who is all things to all people.

[17:06] And then you have a couple of Asian guys,

[17:10] an Indian lady, so forth.

[17:12] There's a nerd.

[17:13] He ends up, not to spoil anything,

[17:15] but he ends up teaming up who we think is the bad guy

[17:17] played by Donnie Yen, who is a huge star.

[17:20] Who's a huge star.

[17:20] Who was-

[17:21] And is amazing.

[17:22] Tony Jaa in there too.

[17:23] And Tony Jaa is in there.

[17:25] So this is like-

[17:26] It's a very diverse team.

[17:27] Yes.

[17:28] Anyway, they go to Super Party Island.

[17:29] And I was wondering,

[17:30] in movies, criminals are always surrounded

[17:33] by partying ladies in bikinis.

[17:34] Is that really what the life of a criminal is like?

[17:38] There's like nonstop bikini ladies

[17:40] everywhere a criminal hangs out.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:42] Yeah, it seems like it's an island

[17:44] where after you hit like 35,

[17:46] they just ship you off to a different island.

[17:51] The elderly criminal island.

[17:53] There's a bunch of people cheating at backgammon.

[17:56] Cause Vin Diesel's under 35, right?

[17:59] Oh, he's gotta be.

[18:00] Oh, sure.

[18:01] He's eternally 29.

[18:04] So anyway, the bad guys are trying to,

[18:06] they're stalking Vin Diesel to this party,

[18:08] but the DJ stops the bad guy with the power of partying.

[18:11] Vin Diesel's 49 years old.

[18:13] What's he doing?

[18:14] Skateboarding?

[18:16] Is he 49 years old?

[18:17] I think he's 49 years old.

[18:18] Somebody look it up.

[18:20] Thank you.

[18:21] Wow.

[18:21] Wow, you crowdsourced that answer very fast.

[18:24] A lot of people who are waiting

[18:25] for the day Vin Diesel turns 50.

[18:29] So they can have sex with him like this?

[18:30] Yeah.

[18:32] That's how it works.

[18:35] One thing that we're shown in the plane

[18:37] is a bunch of crazy super weapons.

[18:39] One of them, robo fists for super punching,

[18:42] but we won't see those for a while.

[18:43] Anyway, there's a standoff between Vin Diesel

[18:46] and two of the bad guys with grenades.

[18:49] Anyway, we think they're the bad guys.

[18:51] They want this Pandora's box that takes down satellites

[18:54] cause they think nobody should have this power.

[18:57] Have they destroyed the box?

[18:58] No, they don't want to do that.

[18:59] But you know, enter a bunch of, I guess, Russian soldiers.

[19:03] There's a big fight.

[19:04] Xander is just hitting people with a motocross bike.

[19:08] Yeah.

[19:09] I mean, you misspoke,

[19:11] but someone does get hit by a motorboat later on.

[19:13] Yeah, yeah.

[19:13] Well, and also the bikes turn into water ski bikes

[19:17] during a chase scene.

[19:18] And then they're just riding through this huge CGI wave.

[19:21] Here's what I learned from-

[19:22] I was wondering how they were propelled,

[19:24] these water bikes.

[19:25] I mean, cause it appeared to be like the wheels were still

[19:27] what was propelling them across the water.

[19:29] Yeah, maybe they had rockets.

[19:32] There was no rocket to be seen.

[19:33] Here's what you need to know in this movie.

[19:35] This exists in a world where every mode of transportation

[19:37] turns into every other mode of transportation.

[19:39] This is a movie where a guy jumps off of a radio tower

[19:43] with skis on, manages to land exactly

[19:46] where he has left his ski poles,

[19:48] and then skis through a jungle.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:51] And he is jumping through trees and over bushes and stuff

[19:55] across a very multi-level topography.

[19:59] He's always got the velocity.

[20:00] keep going forward. Are you just mad because your daddy's secret agent couldn't do that?

[20:05] Yeah, I'm a little mad. The best my daddy's secret agent could do was very unconvincingly

[20:09] ski down a mountain and then he had a parachute with a flag on it. Great. Oh, what a brilliant

[20:15] trick. You printed a flag on your parachute, Roger. More rest in peace.

[20:21] Well, he's parachuting with a Union Jack in heaven now. And it's like, Roger, stay up there.

[20:27] It's great up there. Don't parachute down to this veil of tears. Here's what we all

[20:33] found out. Super surprised. The bad guys are really the good guys. It turns out they've

[20:37] been misused by the real bad guy, the director of the CIA, who's just crashing satellites

[20:42] for I don't know. I love the shocks, the shocks, noises from the audience, the ironic shock

[20:48] noises from the audience. It turns out the bad guy, long story short, he's hiding out

[20:52] in Detroit and this there's a freeway chase because every action movie has a freeway chase.

[20:56] It's in Detroit. Did either of you guys hope RoboCop was going to show up?

[21:01] Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. There is no such luck. Unfortunately, we do get RoboFist.

[21:09] OK, that's almost as good. So it's like RoboCop's hands showed up for the movie.

[21:13] They're like RoboCop, we want to give you one hundred thousand dollars to do a one minute

[21:16] cameo. He's like, I don't get out of Robo bed for less than two hundred thousand.

[21:21] I'll send my hands and they better be shiny when you send them back.

[21:26] Anyway, long story short, in Detroit, there's a lot of there's a lot of talk and the movie

[21:32] cares so little about the character's motivations that when the CIA director is explaining why he's

[21:36] crashing satellites, there's actually a lot of chatter between Vin Diesel and another character

[21:40] that just goes over this. So the CIA director is like, you haven't you haven't you noticed

[21:46] what the world's like today? And then he's like, you got the shot. I've almost got it.

[21:49] Keep going. And it cuts back to a director. And that's why the satellite is like not even trying

[21:56] now. No surprise. Vin Diesel manages to move one finger just enough to make space for a sniper

[22:01] bullet to kill the CIA director. Oh, he's so good. And now the movie doesn't seem to realize the

[22:07] director of the CIA is a pretty public position and that that guy can't just get killed by a

[22:12] sniper bullet in a rundown Detroit building without some kind of repercussions like that's

[22:18] going to be in the newspapers. Wait, that's your complaint. It's not that Vin Diesel can

[22:23] effortlessly do the trajectory. Yes, I said Vin Diesel. It's him, not Xander Cage.

[22:29] He can do the trajectory for the sniper bullet. So it goes perfectly between his fingers.

[22:34] Like, how does he know exactly? I don't look. He's triple X. That's how he knows exactly where the

[22:38] bullet's going to go. Now it's oh, everyone's verse. And Tony Collette turns out she's the real

[22:47] bad guy now. She wants to use the Pandora's box for I don't remember what was it? I don't. They

[22:54] want to they want to surveil everyone basically is the thing. So if they can control every satellite,

[22:58] they can keep tabs on everyone. So we can't be free anymore. Oh, yes. This is a movie that it's

[23:04] weird. It's a movie that is being made at a weird time because it's very like anti surveillance. I'm

[23:09] sure we're all against that. There's a scene where she's like, this is the team of army men you're

[23:13] going to be teamed up with. And he's like, hey, nice to meet you. And then he kicks them out of

[23:17] a plane. And it's like and it's one of those movies where it's like there's a time in American

[23:23] history when like an anti establishment movie could easily throw army men out of a plane and

[23:27] the audience would be like, yeah, but I feel like that's not the place soldiers have in our minds

[23:31] right now. So there was a part of me was like, I know those soldiers are supposed to be like hard

[23:35] asses who won't do things the Vin Diesel way. It still rubs me the wrong way that he just threw

[23:39] like five American soldiers off a plane. And he's the hero of the movie. I'm not imagining a book

[23:45] that's called do things the Vin Diesel way. What's in that book? Lay it out for us. Pitch it to me.

[23:50] I'm a publisher. Okay, well, I'm a busy man. I imagine you start the day off with or woman.

[23:58] A cart full of raw eggs. You start the day off with a cart full of raw eggs. Okay. A cart,

[24:05] like a shopping cart full of raw eggs. Shopping cart full of raw eggs. Okay. And then a little

[24:12] nice steam. Don't have to do it here. So it's just your daily routine. It's not like how to get out

[24:18] of a situation. It's not really exciting. Okay. It's not like how to solve your problems the

[24:22] Vin Diesel way. It's just how to live exactly like he does. Yeah, exactly. And he starts his

[24:27] day with a steam. He starts his day with a steam and he ends his day with a shower. It's weird.

[24:34] Okay. So he's just sweaty all day. He's sweaty. He likes to get sweaty. And then he puts on his

[24:39] giant, his giant coat. So he's so he wears for people not familiar with the triple X wardrobe.

[24:44] Yeah. He wears a big furry coat, not unlike saber tooths in the first X-Men movie. Yep.

[24:49] Or what I imagine the coat Terry Gilliam was wearing when he met the other pythons for the

[24:54] first time. It's supposed to be the coolest thing you've ever seen. The coat. The coat. Yeah. You're

[25:00] supposed to be like, he goes, I know where my coat is. And the audience was supposed to be like,

[25:06] the coat. We're talking about the coat. They're going to get the coat.

[25:09] Guys. We've got second billing in this movie.

[25:12] Guys. Do you think Vin Diesel sleeps in a bed that's shaped like a race car?

[25:16] Stuart, Stuart, I'm going to tell you the truth. He doesn't sleep in a bed shaped like a race car.

[25:24] He sleeps in a race car made into a bed. Cause that's the Vin Diesel way. I'm buying the book.

[25:37] It's going to be a huge release. Anyway, at this point, it's just everybody versus the

[25:42] U.S. government, including the nerd girl who was his tech support. I guess she just

[25:47] resigned from her job. I don't know. They send a bunch of, I mean, Vin Diesel is,

[25:53] he goes on the plane with them. Yes. He's captured, but they send a bunch of...

[25:58] He and Ip Man are captured. Yeah. Ip Man from the movies.

[26:02] Oh, wait, what kind of man? An Ip Man.

[26:05] Okay. Yeah. He has the powers of an Ip, yes. Anyway.

[26:10] But they send a team of killers in to kill the rest of the team.

[26:16] American troops, but yes, in this movie, they're portrayed as killers. Yeah.

[26:19] And all these, this whole team is like exes. They're like, they're all, they're all...

[26:24] They all used to be married.

[26:28] It's a very complicated relationship because they've got to watch each other's backs,

[26:33] but it's like, where were you when we were having real trouble?

[26:36] They're all part of the XXX team, so they've all proven themselves to be the sort of person that...

[26:42] Oh, that's right. The ghost agents that they were chasing, it turns out,

[26:45] were also recruited by Samuel L. Jackson to be XXX agents.

[26:48] So what makes you an ideal candidate for the XXX program?

[26:51] You better be good at an extreme sport. Okay.

[26:54] For instance, the main woman from the ghost agents who becomes Vin Diesel's romantic interest,

[26:59] she talks to him. They have a classic tattoo trading scene where they each got tattoos from...

[27:03] Yeah, it's a rip off of jaws. They're just showing their different tattoos as if it's

[27:06] scars.

[27:07] Yeah. And she talks about how she climbed up the London Eye naked,

[27:12] and she got thrown in jail for tagging a building. The tag was 30 stories tall.

[27:17] And they all have these like extreme things they did.

[27:21] Which makes them perfect for secret agents.

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:23] Like, she uses her tagging powers, I guess, for...

[27:28] Dan, they do things differently than your daddy's superhero.

[27:31] Yeah, your daddy would have only made a five foot tall tag.

[27:34] Your daddy would have climbed the London Eye with climbing ropes.

[27:38] My daddy put Turk 182 everywhere, and that's no good.

[27:41] No, no.

[27:41] There's no one in the audience who knows Turk 182. All right.

[27:45] Oh, they got it, and then they rejected it.

[27:47] All right.

[27:49] Okay, so there's like 15 different heroes involved in six different super battles right now,

[27:56] and it's all guns and punches. We finally get to see the soldier who was a real mean guy to Vin

[28:00] Diesel using the robo fists, but Vin Diesel keeps dodging them.

[28:04] So he's just punching out view screens on an airplane.

[28:06] I love that shit though, when he finally punches through the airplane's toilet,

[28:10] and then Vin Diesel kind of stuffs him through the toilet,

[28:13] and it's like shining like the TV from Poltergeist.

[28:17] And then it immediately cuts to an explosion on the ground.

[28:20] That is filmmaking, Elliot.

[28:22] No, it's like, I'm pretty good with stimulant, like stimuli from a movie.

[28:27] You're pretty good with stimulants.

[28:28] I was pretty good with stimulants.

[28:30] Cocaine.

[28:30] My heart would explode.

[28:33] I'm pretty good with stimuli from a movie, but I was so overloaded from this,

[28:37] and it was like, I can't figure out what's going on.

[28:40] I don't know what's going on.

[28:41] I need to watch like Daughters of the Dust after this.

[28:44] I need something so totally different.

[28:46] Yeah, pull out your Ozu DVDs.

[28:49] Yeah, I got to watch Tokyo Story after this, just to come down from this.

[28:52] Oh, it's like I got OD'd on XXX.

[28:55] That's a lot of letters.

[28:57] Anyway, ultimately, the guys on the ground who are not Vin Diesel,

[29:04] they run out of bullets.

[29:05] Uh-oh, looks like it's done for them.

[29:07] I guess they're dead.

[29:08] But then who steps in, Dan?

[29:11] What's his face?

[29:15] I know the actor, Ice Cube, but I don't know what his name is.

[29:17] His name is Darius Stone.

[29:19] All right.

[29:21] And that's right.

[29:23] I will say, when he showed up,

[29:25] we were watching this in the bar last night,

[29:27] and the entire bar burst into cheers.

[29:32] I have to admit, I have to admit,

[29:35] Ice Cube's music, not really my kind of music,

[29:37] second XXX movie, I've never seen it.

[29:39] But when he showed up, I was like, shit, Ice Cube's in this movie?

[29:43] And I will say, that's a movie working.

[29:45] When a character you don't know shows up,

[29:47] and you're like, I know he's important.

[29:49] This is great.

[29:50] You're like, you called your wife over to be like,

[29:52] honey, honey, Ice Cube's in this.

[29:55] She spit out her Go-Gurt or whatever she was drinking.

[29:59] She's not here.

[30:00] You're right, she's not gonna be mad at me.

[30:01] She is, yeah, please.

[30:02] Anyway, it was like I was watching a Spider-Man movie

[30:07] and Darth Vader showed up.

[30:10] I was like, what?

[30:13] Which they're both owned by the same company,

[30:15] they can do that now.

[30:17] They did an X-Men Star Trek crossover, why not?

[30:19] Anyway, so, anyway, basically, everybody wins in the end.

[30:24] Toni Collette gets pushed out of a plane,

[30:26] those other guys get pushed out of planes,

[30:29] but she's activated the Pandora device.

[30:32] A satellite is falling.

[30:33] They've already landed one on,

[30:35] wherever the first one was,

[30:37] I don't even remember where that was,

[30:38] somewhere in America or somewhere.

[30:39] They've landed one in Russia, in Moscow.

[30:42] Now this one's about to hit Detroit.

[30:44] Uh-oh.

[30:45] Not Detroit.

[30:46] No, they're already dealing with so much.

[30:51] Xander realizes there's only one thing he can do,

[30:54] he's gotta aim this plane at that satellite

[30:57] because he's already killed everybody else on it.

[30:59] Now this plan, I don't feel like Xander's

[31:01] thought this through because-

[31:02] How could he think it through?

[31:03] He has a split-second decision to stop a satellite.

[31:06] He is adding plane debris to satellite debris

[31:10] at this point. Good point.

[31:11] And you know what? That's a very good point.

[31:12] He has just enough time.

[31:15] Stuart just stood up, uh-oh.

[31:17] He has just enough time to utter his second catchphrase.

[31:23] I live for this shit.

[31:25] Now wait, hold on.

[31:28] Stuart, what would you classify as his first catchphrase?

[31:33] Okay, he's gotta stand up again.

[31:35] Stood up for the full power.

[31:37] The things I do for my country.

[31:40] Okay, I would totally flip those.

[31:43] I would flip those in the ranking.

[31:45] Anyway, it totally works.

[31:47] He slams a plane into a satellite,

[31:48] jumps out in time to land on a pallet,

[31:50] activate the parachute on the pallet.

[31:52] That pallet hits the ground

[31:54] that looks like the force of a hundred H-bombs.

[31:57] And yet, he's totally fine.

[31:58] He doesn't get a hangnail from that.

[32:01] He walks away, everything's cool.

[32:03] They even got it on camera, on his phone,

[32:06] so they can upload it to E-bombs World.

[32:09] Do people still watch videos on that?

[32:13] I don't know where you put your extreme sports videos.

[32:19] But they save a little moment, right?

[32:20] Are you talking about the moment where Ice Cube shows up

[32:24] and Ice Cube returns Xander's car to him

[32:27] and says, an opportunity to work with the-

[32:29] Elliot, that represents the franchise.

[32:32] Oh, and Ice Cube says,

[32:34] an opportunity to work with the great Xander Cage.

[32:37] And I can only imagine Ice Cube was like,

[32:39] I've got to fucking pretend Vin Diesel is my hero.

[32:43] Like, I'm Ice Cube.

[32:45] I've got to pretend this guy is the coolest man

[32:47] I've ever met.

[32:50] That must've been a real...

[32:51] At that point, Ice Cube dug deep

[32:52] and found the humility that I know he returns to often.

[32:56] And which makes him a strong individual.

[32:59] Because truly, it's the strong man who can bow

[33:02] and not lose faith in himself.

[33:05] I mean, I'm not sure that the star of Are We There Yet

[33:10] was that sad about cashing a paycheck.

[33:12] That's the kind of humility I'm talking about.

[33:16] Anyway, cut to Samuel Jackson's funeral.

[33:20] We hear a lot of gospel singing

[33:21] and a surprisingly white audience at this funeral.

[33:25] I was, it was very distracting.

[33:26] I was watching.

[33:27] I was like, who are these people?

[33:28] Are they all co-workers of Samuel Jackson?

[33:30] Yeah.

[33:31] And here's where the movie, which I'll remind you.

[33:34] So the-

[33:35] Oh, do what you say, Stuart.

[33:36] The camera pans up into the balcony

[33:38] and we see Xander Cage sitting up there alone,

[33:40] of course, sleeveless.

[33:42] Sleeveless.

[33:43] In church?

[33:44] This is the funeral for a...

[33:47] This is the funeral for a man he has talked about

[33:49] the entire movie as a mentor, father, elder brother,

[33:53] and God all rolled into one.

[33:56] As far as he knows, this man is dead.

[33:58] They will never share a moment together.

[34:00] They will never speak together again.

[34:02] He will never feel his hand when they shake hands.

[34:05] He will never catch a glimpse of him from across the room.

[34:08] And all he has is his memories.

[34:10] I'm not expecting him to show up wearing a tie or a bow tie.

[34:13] His neck's not made for that.

[34:15] No.

[34:16] But at least, at least tear up that parachute

[34:21] you rode down on and make some sleeves out of it.

[34:25] Cover your arms or else you're just showing off

[34:28] because you hope maybe someone in the choir's gonna notice

[34:31] and you can go home with them, Xander.

[34:33] But anyway, so here's a movie

[34:34] that's shown us a lot of things.

[34:36] It's shown us a man hit a satellite with a plane.

[34:38] It's shown us robo fists that super punch.

[34:40] It's shown us bikes that turn into water ski bikes.

[34:43] It's shown us jungle skiing.

[34:46] It's shown us a man who kicks a napkin dispenser

[34:49] into a robber's head.

[34:50] And now it goes to the least believable thing in the movie

[34:55] because as he's sitting up there in the balcony

[34:58] and I said to the movie while I was watching,

[35:00] don't do this movie.

[35:03] Because the perilously stretched thin plausibility

[35:06] of this film will snap.

[35:08] Who pulls a fucking Tom Sawyer but Samuel L. Jackson

[35:13] who walks out and watches his own funeral

[35:17] because sure, everyone thinks that Injun Joe

[35:19] killed Tom in the caves

[35:22] because a satellite exploded next to him.

[35:24] I also like, Sam Jackson says,

[35:26] you think you're the only one who can fake your own death?

[35:28] And I'm like, you didn't know a satellite

[35:30] was gonna come down and blow up next to you.

[35:33] Which we saw on camera.

[35:34] It's not like he looked to the sky and we cut away

[35:37] and there was a big explosion from far away.

[35:39] We saw his body engulfed in flame.

[35:42] We saw the windows burst in.

[35:44] So he's getting laceration wounds in addition.

[35:47] He is none the worse for wear.

[35:51] And anyway, that's kind of the end of the movie.

[35:54] Like what happens after that?

[35:56] He's just like encouraging Xander Cage

[35:58] to just keep on keeping on, man.

[36:00] Yeah, he tells him to keep looking dope.

[36:02] Does he just show up at the end to be like,

[36:04] hey, I really like you Xander Cage.

[36:07] I have to assume that.

[36:08] In the words of Carly Rae Jepsen,

[36:11] I really, really, really, really, really like you.

[36:17] Oh, that's what they were quoting?

[36:19] Yeah, that was it.

[36:20] Oh, I didn't realize that.

[36:21] I have to assume that there's some clause

[36:23] in Samuel Jackson's contract that was like,

[36:28] I can't die in a movie.

[36:31] The same way that Bruce Lee,

[36:33] when he was Kato on that episode of Batman,

[36:35] they were like, now Robin's gonna beat you in a fight.

[36:37] And he was like, that is not gonna happen.

[36:40] There's no way Burt Ward is gonna defeat me

[36:42] in a televised fight.

[36:45] I have to assume Samuel Jackson was like,

[36:47] I die in this movie?

[36:48] No, we're reshooting the end.

[36:51] But we should move on to our final judgments.

[36:55] Is this a good, bad movie?

[36:57] A bad, bad movie?

[36:58] Or a movie we kind of like?

[37:00] Ellie, what do you have to say?

[37:01] Do you want me to go first?

[37:02] Yeah.

[37:03] Because I may shock the audience.

[37:04] All right.

[37:04] Barring the section in the middle

[37:06] and the beginning of act three

[37:08] where I was so overloaded with things,

[37:11] I could no longer perceive reality.

[37:15] This was a movie I kind of liked.

[37:21] It is so incredibly dumb.

[37:26] There were times when I was like,

[37:28] am I seeing the Tango in Cash for the 21st century

[37:31] unfold before my eyes?

[37:33] And I wasn't, but it got pretty close.

[37:36] Yeah, I mean, my feeling watching it was

[37:39] I either wanted it to be a little less dumb

[37:42] or a lot more dumb.

[37:44] But I have to say,

[37:45] on the sliding scale of Flophouse films,

[37:48] I mean, you have to understand,

[37:49] we've been driven mad by doing this for a decade.

[37:52] Our standards are very different from the normal viewer.

[37:55] Yeah.

[37:56] Although I think CinemaScore gave this an A minus.

[38:01] Don't run out and see it,

[38:02] but I kind of liked it too.

[38:05] I kind of liked it too.

[38:08] I'm gonna say run out and see it.

[38:11] No, I think this movie's super dumb and super fun.

[38:15] Like it gets so close to the moment

[38:17] where a bad guy could say,

[38:19] I told you not to let him get on that motorbike.

[38:23] And there's a DJ character

[38:26] who does start hitting people with DJ equipment.

[38:30] It's so good.

[38:32] Oh man, it's the dumbest thing.

[38:34] It feels a lot like,

[38:36] it reminds me of seeing the Transporter movies

[38:39] for the first time being like,

[38:39] these are so dumb, but still really great.

[38:42] I will say that the one problem I,

[38:44] well, not the one problem,

[38:44] what the fuck am I talking?

[38:45] Otherwise flawless.

[38:47] The biggest problem I have with the film

[38:49] is I feel like Vin Diesel

[38:51] is the least charismatic one of all of them.

[38:54] Oh yeah, in many ways.

[38:55] Which is why they have to keep saying

[38:57] how awesome he is every time he walks on screen.

[38:59] It's true.

[39:00] A movie character can be judged

[39:03] by how often the other characters have to remind you

[39:05] they're supposed to be cool.

[39:07] And if they do it a lot,

[39:08] there's a problem with that character.

[39:10] But I mean like,

[39:10] if you start a movie with an action scene

[39:13] with both Tony Jaa and Donnie Yen,

[39:15] you're off on the right foot.

[39:16] Like, it's great.

[39:17] Oh, for sure.

[39:18] There's that scene where Tony Jaa

[39:19] kicks that dude off of the motorcycle

[39:21] and then lands on the motorcycle and drives it.

[39:23] It's amazing.

[39:26] It's like, this is the movie

[39:28] Suicide Squad should have been.

[39:31] Like, this is the ideal version of Suicide Squad,

[39:34] except that I guess none of them die at the end.

[39:38] Except Slipknot.

[39:41] R.I.P.

[39:42] R.I.P. Slipknot.

[39:44] I'm sorry, Stewart, I know it's hard for you.

[39:46] Guys.

[39:47] The life of a Slipknot.

[39:49] A Slipknot?

[39:50] That's me, a Slipknot.

[39:51] All right.

[39:52] That's what we call ourselves, Dan.

[39:53] Oh, okay.

[39:54] That was an old Conan O'Brien bit, yeah.

[39:57] I saw them perform that live at a taping of Conan.

[40:00] Talking about Slipknot?

[40:01] Slipknot was the band playing that day.

[40:03] And so they did a bit called the Slipknuts, where-

[40:06] Now this is just a podcast where we describe Conan O'Brien.

[40:09] This is a conversation, because I'm working on a show right now

[40:13] where the head writer is Brian McCann, who's a long time Conan guy.

[40:16] And I was asking him today, I was like, were you in the Slipknuts?

[40:20] And he's like, I wasn't in that.

[40:22] But I remember that bit.

[40:23] He goes, they once opened for Slipknot.

[40:25] And he said, they're performing for like a stadium of people booing them.

[40:33] Because it was just guys singing about how they're slipping on peanut shells.

[40:55] To any of these questions, our show is for you.

[40:57] We interview people like Paula Tompkins.

[40:59] Kristen Schaal.

[41:00] Maiful Che.

[41:00] And more.

[41:01] So check us out on Maximum Fun.

[41:03] And let us mess with your brain.

[41:04] Yes, please.

[41:15] Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches, tanks, and more

[41:19] are yours for the purchasing at MaxFunStore.com.

[41:22] Hey, you already love the podcasts.

[41:24] So why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch.

[41:29] MaxFunStore.com.

[41:31] Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.

[41:36] Hey, guys.

[41:36] It's Dan again.

[41:38] Flying alone again, I mean to say.

[41:41] Sorry about that.

[41:42] It's a live show.

[41:43] So you know what that means.

[41:46] We weren't all in the same room together to do the ads,

[41:50] because we didn't want to bore the live audience with ads.

[41:52] We only want to bore you, the listener, at home with ads.

[41:56] So enjoy these ads.

[41:59] I'm sure that our sponsors will love that we said bore them with ads.

[42:07] But first up, we've got Blue Apron sponsoring the podcast yet again.

[42:13] Thank you to Blue Apron.

[42:16] It's the service that brings you pre-portioned ingredients

[42:20] in a box to your home every day that you decide to have it come.

[42:26] Not every day that you decide to have it come.

[42:28] Once a week.

[42:29] But you decide what that day in the week is.

[42:31] Come on, guys.

[42:32] Come on.

[42:33] Come on.

[42:35] Come on.

[42:36] For less than $10 per person per meal, Blue Apron offers seasonal recipes

[42:40] along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.

[42:44] And some featured upcoming meals we got going on here.

[42:47] We got, you know, this is my favorite part.

[42:50] Basil Pesto Chicken with Summer Vegetable Panzanella.

[42:56] Whole Grain Pasta and Summer Vegetables with Heirloom Tomato Caprese Salad.

[43:01] And a Meatball Pizza with Fresh Mozzarella Cheese and Charmed Tomatoes.

[43:06] How do you fit a meatball pizza in a box?

[43:09] Only you can discover by signing up for Blue Apron now.

[43:13] Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping

[43:17] by going to blueapron.com slash flophouse.

[43:20] That's blueapron.com slash flophouse.

[43:24] And we've got a new sponsor on the show.

[43:27] I'm very excited about this one.

[43:29] Now, listen.

[43:31] If you've come to a live show, you know that I'm a bit of a clothes horse.

[43:37] I'm a horse that wears clothes.

[43:42] I've been keeping it secret all these years.

[43:44] But I'm actually Seabiscuit, the world's most popular horse.

[43:47] And I love clothes.

[43:49] Gotta go buy some.

[43:51] But no, I'm excited about this next sponsor because they're a clothing help service.

[44:01] They help you find good clothes to wear.

[44:05] And certainly early in my clothes buying career, this thing would have been a boon to me.

[44:10] A boon.

[44:12] It's Bombfell.

[44:14] Bombfell is an easier way for men to get better clothes.

[44:17] You pay nothing when you sign up because there are no fees to work with them.

[44:20] You only pay for the clothes you keep.

[44:22] And Bombfell is the only service right now that can make this claim.

[44:25] It's dedicated to being the most simple, straightforward service around.

[44:29] It's completely flexible.

[44:30] Push up, delay, or skip your shipments anytime.

[44:38] Now, what you do here with this Bombfell thing is you sign up online.

[44:45] You take a little style quiz, which is very exciting.

[44:48] Because there are good quizzes and bad quizzes.

[44:51] There's the quizzes that you have to pass in school.

[44:57] And then there's these fun quizzes that you get to just talk about yourself a lot.

[45:02] And that's what's going on with the style quiz.

[45:05] And I actually have a Bombfell packet waiting for me at work.

[45:10] I've been on vacation, so I can't speak directly to the things that I've gotten.

[45:16] But I'm very excited to try these things out once I get a chance.

[45:23] Now, if you want $25 off your first purchase when you visit Bombfell.com,

[45:28] just go to Bombfell.com slash The Flophouse.

[45:32] That's B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L.com slash Flophouse for 25% off.

[45:40] And we've got a Jumbotron.

[45:43] This one is for Aiden, and it's from Alex.

[45:48] And it says, I can confidently say I fell in love with you

[45:52] because of your goddamn incredible laugh.

[45:55] The first time I heard it, we were on the same train, not together,

[45:59] and you were laughing out loud to a podcast you were listening to with headphones on.

[46:03] I thought you were insane.

[46:04] I still kind of do.

[46:06] Keep laughing, AIDS.

[46:08] Happy 23rd birthday.

[46:10] Keep laughing, AIDS.

[46:12] That's A-I-D-Z, not keep laughing to disease AIDS.

[46:17] That would be terrible.

[46:19] That would be a weird message for you to slip in

[46:21] in the middle of this wonderful declaration of love.

[46:25] But it sounds like Alex loves you a lot, Aiden.

[46:30] So congratulations on that.

[46:33] Hey.

[46:34] Hey, guys.

[46:35] We got some live shows coming up.

[46:40] The first one is the Now Hear This Festival.

[46:45] It's going to take place at the Javits Center in beautiful New York City

[46:53] on September the 9th, I believe.

[46:56] I'm looking it up.

[46:57] That's why I appear to be stalling,

[46:59] because I lost the piece of paper that had that piece of information on it.

[47:05] Yes, September the 9th.

[47:07] There's no Elliot in that show,

[47:08] but Ronnie Chang of The Daily Show will be filling in for him.

[47:14] But if you want to see the whole gang, you've got two chances for that,

[47:17] especially if you live on the West Coast.

[47:20] On October 8th, that's a Sunday,

[47:23] we'll all be in Los Angeles at the Regent Theater.

[47:26] Visited Elliot in his new hometown.

[47:30] And on December the 9th, that's a Saturday,

[47:36] we will be in San Francisco at the Marines Memorial Theater.

[47:39] So please, tickets are available.

[47:42] You go to our website.

[47:44] We have links up.

[47:46] Yeah, check us out.

[47:48] But now, back to the live show of today, Xander Cage.

[47:55] Anyway, Dan, we should move along, right?

[47:56] Let's move along to the next part of the podcast,

[47:59] which is where we're going to answer some questions from audience members.

[48:02] There is a microphone set up right over there.

[48:05] So I hope that people who are far away...

[48:07] If you're interested...

[48:09] Oh, what?

[48:11] You can go that way.

[48:12] I don't know what the best route is.

[48:13] We're going to answer a few questions.

[48:15] Now, Elliot, do you want to give your thing up front,

[48:17] or do you not want to be mean?

[48:18] I don't want to be mean.

[48:19] So I'll say it as nicely as I can.

[48:22] Everybody wants their moment in the sun.

[48:25] Sometimes that means being in a viral video.

[48:27] Sometimes that means killing Shelly Winters

[48:30] so you can marry Elizabeth Taylor.

[48:35] But here's the thing.

[48:37] We want to keep this moving along pretty quick.

[48:39] We want to respect everybody's chance to get up there.

[48:42] We're looking for real questions and not...

[48:44] We've all been to Q&As where somebody rambled on.

[48:47] So here's the rubric to keep in your head.

[48:49] I want to ask them a question.

[48:50] If I wasn't me and I was hearing someone else ask this question,

[48:55] would it interest me?

[48:56] And if the answer is no,

[48:58] think of a different question or sit down.

[49:00] So I'm sorry, I got a little mean at the end.

[49:03] I apologize.

[49:05] Now that Elliot's played bad cop.

[49:07] I've spent enough time seeing people ramble on and on to Woody Allen

[49:11] about how much they love his movies

[49:12] as if Woody Allen's going to say,

[49:14] stick around after the show so we can be best friends.

[49:16] Unlimited time.

[49:18] Okay, so Dan, what were you going to say?

[49:19] No, I was going to say, go ahead.

[49:23] Hello, my name is Bobby, last name withheld.

[49:26] Hi, Bobby, thanks for coming.

[49:27] The current state of movies is Expanded Universe is the new hit thing.

[49:32] So if you can make an Expanded Universe of only Oscar winning best picture films,

[49:37] who would be the hero?

[49:39] Who would be the villain?

[49:40] And who would be the funny minority sidekick?

[49:45] Oh, from different best picture winning movies.

[49:47] The question, your best picture Extended Cinematic Universe.

[49:50] Who are the characters?

[49:51] Hero, villain, funny sidekick.

[49:53] Ooh, well, your villain's got to be, I guess, Ray Fiennes from Schindler's List.

[50:00] Because it doesn't get more evil than him.

[50:01] No one more villainous.

[50:02] But your hero, for me, Jack Lemmon in the apartment.

[50:07] That's a hero-villain imbalance.

[50:08] How's he going to get out of that one?

[50:12] Luckily, we got William Goldman and David Mamet on the case.

[50:16] But Dan, what are you thinking?

[50:20] This question is predicated on me being able to remember

[50:23] best picture winners.

[50:24] All right, Stuart, who do you think?

[50:26] Did Gladiator win best picture?

[50:31] It did.

[50:32] We live in a universe where that happens.

[50:36] So I didn't like that one.

[50:39] How about, did Crash win best picture?

[50:42] Which one?

[50:43] Which Crash?

[50:44] Which Crash?

[50:45] Cronenberg's didn't win.

[50:46] Did not win.

[50:47] I'm pretty sure, right?

[50:48] Okay.

[50:49] Okay, Paul Haggis.

[50:50] So the bad guy from the other one is racism, right?

[50:51] Yes.

[50:52] Bad guy of the cinematic universe.

[50:55] Is it racism, the concept, or a person that embodies racism, like the hate-monger?

[50:58] I mean, I don't know.

[50:59] Use your imagination, dude.

[51:00] I'm just throwing out ideas.

[51:01] Okay.

[51:02] All right.

[51:03] And so for goofy sidekick, I'm going to say Kevin Spacey, the dad from American Beauty.

[51:04] And here's the thing.

[51:05] Every time, Jack Lemmon in my version is like, we've got to go.

[51:06] We're late.

[51:07] And Kevin Spacey's just masturbating in the shower.

[51:08] I think we can move on.

[51:09] Yeah, we solved that one.

[51:10] Good question.

[51:11] All right.

[51:12] All right.

[51:13] All right.

[51:14] All right.

[51:15] All right.

[51:16] All right.

[51:17] All right.

[51:18] All right.

[51:19] All right.

[51:20] All right.

[51:21] All right.

[51:22] All right.

[51:24] All right.

[51:25] All right.

[51:26] All right.

[51:27] Yeah, we solved that one.

[51:28] Good question.

[51:29] Max's last name withheld.

[51:30] Stewart from over there, I couldn't tell what your shirt was.

[51:31] From over here, it's just as ridiculous.

[51:32] Thank you!

[51:33] Stuart, do you want to explain your shirt to the listeners at home?

[51:34] Yeah.

[51:35] I guess I'm wearing a T-shirt that has my friend's dog on it, and it says, Foxy, which

[51:36] is the name of the dog.

[51:37] Yeah!

[51:38] Foxy!

[51:39] Foxy!

[51:40] Foxy!

[51:41] Foxy!

[51:42] Foxy!

[51:43] We don't have time for that.

[51:44] It's so easy.

[51:45] Yeah.

[51:46] See?

[51:47] It's so easy.

[51:48] Yeah.

[51:49] Slightly extended universe here, too.

[51:55] If you were in this movie, and the only lines Vin Diesel could say were, I am Groot, would

[52:01] that have affected the movie at all?

[52:02] Or is the movie so simple that it really doesn't matter that he could only say that?

[52:09] What do you think, Dan?

[52:10] I think the movie could only be improved by Vin Diesel saying the words, I am Groot, over

[52:15] and over again.

[52:16] Especially at the scene where he has sex with those eight women.

[52:22] A triumph in I am Groot.

[52:24] Dan, you are kidding yourself if you don't think women make Vin Diesel say I am Groot

[52:29] while they make love.

[52:32] I would.

[52:33] Yeah.

[52:34] Fair point.

[52:35] Next question, please.

[52:36] Hi, fellas.

[52:37] Seth, last name withheld.

[52:38] Hey, Seth.

[52:39] There's been a lot of discussion tonight about our daddy's spy, which is a great name

[52:46] for a movie or a heartbreaking memoir.

[52:51] I figured out from context clues that we might be referring to James Bond, and so many spy

[52:57] movies...

[52:58] Whoa, you could be a spy.

[53:04] So many spy movies define themselves as not being James Bond, but what aspects of James

[53:10] Bond movies do you think more spy movies should take?

[53:13] They should take.

[53:14] Not shouldn't.

[53:16] I have an answer for shouldn't, but I'm not sure about should.

[53:18] The shouldn't would be the misogyny, but anyway.

[53:21] But, Dan, or Stuart, what's great about James Bond?

[53:27] Well, I love that they all start media res.

[53:30] I'm a sucker for that shit.

[53:31] You're loving media res.

[53:33] Like, boom, smash cut, you're in the action.

[53:37] Now, Dan, you like fancy clothes.

[53:40] Yeah, that's a good one.

[53:45] I was really going through it all.

[53:46] I'm like, I don't like the gadgets, because the gadgets make it too easy for him to...

[53:50] You don't like the gadgets, dude?

[53:53] They're super fun.

[53:54] Well, I guess I'm not getting your birthday present of Inspector Gadget, the complete

[53:58] series.

[53:59] I guess I'll just throw that in the trash.

[54:03] He's an entire man who's a gadget, Dan.

[54:07] I'll have to get you the Inspector Gidget complete set.

[54:10] Without Inspector Gadget, there would be no Penny Meeting Dinosaurs.

[54:15] That's right, that's true.

[54:18] Now, has Inspector Gadget's brain been removed?

[54:23] They've got to make room for that propeller.

[54:27] I'm just wondering what's going on up there.

[54:29] Dan, brain is the dog.

[54:32] Oh, I get it now.

[54:38] I would say the song Live and Let Die should be in all spy movies.

[54:42] Next question, please.

[54:44] Ann Marie, last name withheld.

[54:46] Hi, Ann Marie.

[54:47] Hi, Ann Marie.

[54:48] A lot of partisans out here.

[54:49] Yeah.

[54:50] My dad is actually obsessed with Triple X, so I guess it is my daddy's spy.

[54:54] He loves Vindigo.

[54:57] This is so complicated.

[54:58] That sounds pretty cool.

[54:59] He loves Triple X.

[55:00] My sister says it's because of the heroic baldness.

[55:04] So, I would say, what movie do you or your loved ones love for baffling reasons?

[55:09] Baffling reasons.

[55:12] Baffling.

[55:13] I mean, my dad likes any historical military movie in which people line up and shoot at each other.

[55:19] He loves movies where soldiers...

[55:21] Like Zulu and Zulu Dawn?

[55:23] Or like the Patriot.

[55:26] Every movie he's liked back then...

[55:28] Yeah, but that's like a good movie.

[55:30] They just stood there and...

[55:31] No, no, that's what I'm saying.

[55:32] They're not good movies.

[55:33] If you have two people who...

[55:34] If you have two rows of people firing muskets at each other without moving around, that's a movie for my dad.

[55:41] And he'll just tell me how the costumes looked authentic.

[55:44] My parents have generally terrific taste, but they are...

[55:48] Especially in Sons.

[55:51] Yeah, they like the other ones better.

[55:55] That's why we call him Silver Lining Dan.

[55:59] This is not a movie, but...

[56:01] So they're such Anglophiles that they like anything British, no matter what it is.

[56:05] So I remember growing up on PBS, my mom watching Are You Being Served all the time.

[56:12] Which has like the dirtiest jokes about the woman having to go home and take care of her pussy.

[56:17] Which in the context of the thing is talking about a cat.

[56:21] But there's so many fucking pussy jokes.

[56:24] And my mom would eat it up.

[56:29] Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.

[56:36] I think I'm gonna throw up.

[56:39] Daniel, yeah.

[56:42] Dan has collapsed on the floor.

[56:44] Dan has collapsed.

[56:49] So did we say...

[56:50] Dan, you're lucky I don't have my family swords with me.

[56:54] Or else you would be committing seppuku right now.

[56:57] Now did we say inexplicable reasons?

[57:01] Because my father's reason for liking Dancing at the Blue Iguana is very explicable.

[57:08] You know, it's a sad story that, from my understanding, was mainly improv.

[57:12] Of different women who act as exotic dancers at the club, the Blue Iguana.

[57:16] And it stars his personal favorite, Daryl Hannah.

[57:21] When I found that DVD box on the shelf turned backwards.

[57:25] So there was just a blank DVD thing.

[57:28] Very sly, very sly.

[57:30] Why is there a blank DVD box in between Third Rock from the Sun seasons?

[57:37] I finished season two.

[57:39] Before I jump to season three, should I check out this middle box?

[57:45] Maybe Tommy cuts his hair, who knows?

[57:50] And my parents also have an obsession with...

[57:53] My dad loves Corner Gas, the Canadian comedy show.

[57:58] And he also got really into Cirque du Soleil one year and got us all Cirque du Soleil DVDs for Christmas.

[58:05] I'm pretty sure he doesn't listen to this or else he would be sad.

[58:08] We'll find out.

[58:10] Let's move on to the next question before we say more terrible things about our parents.

[58:14] Hey guys, this is Benjamin, last name withheld.

[58:17] Hey Benjamin.

[58:18] Local celebrity Benjamin.

[58:20] So in honor of all the wonderful time that Elliot has spent with us here in the city of New York,

[58:26] I wanted to ask a question specifically about that.

[58:29] If you had to select one movie that you think most accurately depicts your experience with this city,

[58:37] what movie would you pick?

[58:40] Oh, that's a good question.

[58:42] That's a good question.

[58:43] Thank you.

[58:44] Very good question.

[58:45] I'm going to jump in.

[58:46] My answer is Cocktail, baby.

[58:50] Featuring Elliot's favorite song, Kokomo.

[58:55] God damn it, Dan.

[58:57] Don't even place the idea of that song in my brain.

[59:01] Now, of course, I wish for me the answer was T.O.P. 1, 2, 3, taking Apollo 1, 2, 3.

[59:06] But, unfortunately, I did not grow up when New York was a hellhole.

[59:13] I don't know, I'm going to have to think about that one.

[59:15] I know, well, probably Muppets Take Me to Manhattan.

[59:20] Yeah, you've taken Manhattan by storm.

[59:24] You're a live performer.

[59:26] And I'm finally going to put on my big Broadway show, Somebody's Getting Married.

[59:31] Somebody's Getting Married.

[59:33] I don't remember how the song went.

[59:35] It goes, somebody, somebody, somebody.

[59:37] All right.

[59:38] Okay.

[59:39] They're clearly putting on the worst Broadway show.

[59:44] And the plot of it appears to just be that somebody's getting married.

[59:49] It's just called, I mean, it's basically My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

[59:53] Or Mamma Mia.

[59:55] Mamma Mia.

[59:56] Same, I don't care.

[59:57] Anyway, I'm leaving this bullshit city.

[1:00:00] You don't need to know about that stuff.

[1:00:05] I think that Brooklyn audiences are the closest audiences to my apartment.

[1:00:11] Good save!

[1:00:12] You guys know I'm just lashing out because it's going to be a little difficult for me

[1:00:15] to leave a place that I've lived a long time and that when I was a kid I dreamed of living

[1:00:20] in and now I'm somewhat tired of and we'll move on.

[1:00:24] Let's move to the next person and we're running low on time so I can only imagine that Elliot

[1:00:28] already has a map of L.A. on his bedroom wall with Popeye's location circled.

[1:00:33] I'd be lying if I said I hadn't researched it a little.

[1:00:40] Hi I'm Joe, last name withheld.

[1:00:41] Hey Joe.

[1:00:42] I'd like to play some Radio Zork.

[1:00:44] Oh boy everybody.

[1:00:47] Alright, brave man.

[1:00:50] Previous players have not been that lucky.

[1:00:53] So to re-establish the situation, you're at the door.

[1:00:58] And I would like to choose option C, check the handle.

[1:01:02] Okay, okay, interesting.

[1:01:06] You wiggle the handle, it appears to be locked, the room seems to be occupied.

[1:01:12] Oh, something new has been added.

[1:01:16] Wow the mystery deepens, thank you for staying outside the door.

[1:01:20] That was a good move.

[1:01:24] Okay we're going to cap that question line.

[1:01:26] I don't know if we're going to get to everybody, hopefully.

[1:01:28] Anyway.

[1:01:29] Hi, my name is Kenzie, last name withheld.

[1:01:31] My question is Oprah and The Rock have both talked about running for president.

[1:01:34] Who based on persona, charisma, and taste would you say would be a good leader for our

[1:01:40] country in the future?

[1:01:42] Who will be the leader or who will be elected?

[1:01:47] I don't care.

[1:01:48] Because when it comes to who, I mean, one of them is a warm, comforting figure who has

[1:01:54] enriched the lives of millions, but she's a woman, so electability is an issue.

[1:02:02] Dan what do you think, who would be better, Oprah or The Rock?

[1:02:05] And Stuart, who do you think would be better?

[1:02:07] Actually I'm interested in Stuart's take on this one.

[1:02:08] Does wrestling ability factor into it, Elliot?

[1:02:10] What?

[1:02:11] Does wrestling ability matter?

[1:02:13] I'm just saying, who's Putin going to respect more?

[1:02:15] That's true, probably Oprah.

[1:02:18] Politically, I think I'd go with Oprah, but on the ability to bounce a berry off of his

[1:02:24] pec muscles, I'd have to go with The Rock.

[1:02:27] Fair, though.

[1:02:28] We don't know if Oprah could be great at that.

[1:02:29] They did that in one take, Dan.

[1:02:31] What?

[1:02:32] Yeah, one take.

[1:02:33] Berry off the pec.

[1:02:34] That's why they call him One Take Rock.

[1:02:36] Yeah.

[1:02:37] I don't know.

[1:02:38] I mean, here's me pandering, either one would be doing a better job than the current guy.

[1:02:45] What?

[1:02:46] You could say that about anyone in this room.

[1:02:50] Anyone in this city, now that he's not in it.

[1:02:52] Even Joe.

[1:02:53] What?

[1:02:54] I said, even Joe, and I pointed over here in the hopes that there's someone named Joe

[1:02:56] over there that thought that I was talking about them for a second.

[1:03:01] Anyway, thank you for the question.

[1:03:02] I feel like we didn't really answer it, but that's okay.

[1:03:04] Moving on.

[1:03:05] Hi, Jonathan, last name withheld.

[1:03:07] Everyone has a trope in movies that they really hate.

[1:03:09] Has a director ever done that trope in a way or subverted it that you actually liked?

[1:03:14] Or, if you can't think of that, do you have a vision in your head for how that trope could

[1:03:18] be done well that you would enjoy it?

[1:03:20] Oh, boy.

[1:03:22] It's always the good questions that are hard to answer.

[1:03:25] Yeah, that's true.

[1:03:26] Usually, I really don't like it when movies start with a voiceover explaining all kinds

[1:03:32] of bullshit and prophecy, but Fellowship of the Ring has a great opening.

[1:03:38] That's it.

[1:03:42] It's great.

[1:03:43] Go watch that.

[1:03:44] I'll tell you something I don't like in trailers.

[1:03:46] I'm going to fudge the rules a little.

[1:03:48] It's when they cut together a montage of people saying the main character's name as if that

[1:03:52] means the character is super exciting.

[1:03:54] Like, all these people are talking about Hudson Hawk.

[1:03:56] He must be the coolest guy in the world.

[1:03:59] But the counterpoint is, what trailer has done that well?

[1:04:02] I know.

[1:04:03] And you can't say Hudson Hawk.

[1:04:04] No, I can't.

[1:04:05] So I think I'm just going to have to say...

[1:04:09] I mean, I kind of think the baby driver trailer does that well, where they just say baby a

[1:04:13] bunch.

[1:04:14] Okay.

[1:04:15] I could see that.

[1:04:16] At least that is...

[1:04:17] Because it's got my boy, it's Will Jordan.

[1:04:20] Wait, is he here?

[1:04:21] Did he...

[1:04:22] I reserved a seat for him.

[1:04:23] Oh, he didn't come.

[1:04:24] I bet there's a way to do it where the people...

[1:04:26] Yeah, maybe that's the best one.

[1:04:28] Where it sounds exciting, like, who is this character?

[1:04:30] Rather than like, yeah, they say his name a lot in the movies, the main character in

[1:04:33] the movie.

[1:04:34] Dan.

[1:04:35] We gave you time, Dan.

[1:04:36] I can't think of anything.

[1:04:37] Can I sing a song in lieu of...

[1:04:39] No.

[1:04:40] Next question, please.

[1:04:41] We don't have time for songs.

[1:04:42] That's why I didn't sing one.

[1:04:44] All right.

[1:04:45] It's...

[1:04:46] Or will I?

[1:04:47] Oh, Christ.

[1:04:48] No.

[1:04:49] We don't have time.

[1:04:50] Moving along.

[1:04:51] We don't have time.

[1:04:52] This is about efficiency now.

[1:04:53] It's me.

[1:04:54] It's Liz.

[1:04:55] Last name withheld.

[1:04:56] Hey, Liz.

[1:04:57] Hey, Liz.

[1:04:58] I wasn't going to ask a question, but the person I was seated next to, who I don't think

[1:05:01] I...

[1:05:02] I don't remember meeting, asked me...

[1:05:03] Are you the Liz who asks all the questions during the live show?

[1:05:06] And I said, yes.

[1:05:07] Okay, so here...

[1:05:08] Pretend it's yours.

[1:05:09] Here, a couple of years ago, Netflix miscategorized Jennifer Kent's modern horror classic, The

[1:05:14] Babadook, as an LGBT movie.

[1:05:16] Yeah.

[1:05:17] Now...

[1:05:18] Miscategorized?

[1:05:19] Since then...

[1:05:20] I know, right?

[1:05:21] Well, yeah, you're...

[1:05:22] Exactly.

[1:05:23] Question, please.

[1:05:24] So, since then, The Babadook himself has emerged as an icon of the gay community, so I thought,

[1:05:31] Who better to ask than three straight men, who is going to be the next big gay horror

[1:05:38] icon?

[1:05:39] Oh, good question.

[1:05:41] I'm going to tell you.

[1:05:44] I think it's going to be...

[1:05:45] Before that stovepipe daddy.

[1:05:48] Stovepipe daddy.

[1:05:50] They call him Abe's in the community.

[1:05:52] Before The Babadook, it was, what, Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street Party?

[1:05:57] Thank you for confirming that.

[1:05:58] The second movie, specifically.

[1:05:59] Yeah.

[1:06:00] I mean, the cinebites are kind of into that whole leather scene a little bit.

[1:06:05] They're kind of pansexual.

[1:06:06] Yeah.

[1:06:07] Yeah, leather is equivalent to homosexuality.

[1:06:08] That's a stereotype we can play into.

[1:06:12] Sure, Mr. Cruzan.

[1:06:13] Anyway, I'm going to say...

[1:06:15] I hope my experience of homosexuality comes from Police Academy movies.

[1:06:20] I'm going to say that this current universal reboot of the Monster Universe is going to

[1:06:26] fail.

[1:06:27] And the next one, which hopefully I will have something to do with, will finally involve

[1:06:34] the gay Dracula that America has needed for so long.

[1:06:38] And he's going to be so incredibly sexy, but he's still going to be Dracula.

[1:06:47] Draculas have so much appeal, Elliot, because they appeal to olds, because they get to imagine,

[1:06:53] like, I get to be old, and I look young and hot.

[1:06:57] But for the young folks, they're like, I get to be like me, young and hot, but I'm smart

[1:07:02] and experienced and old.

[1:07:04] Yeah.

[1:07:05] And people are like, I want to earn one of those medals he's wearing around his neck.

[1:07:11] I think we may just have room for one more, actually.

[1:07:14] I think one more question, unfortunately.

[1:07:15] I'm sorry.

[1:07:16] Sorry, guys.

[1:07:17] Sorry for everyone who got in line.

[1:07:18] Apologies.

[1:07:19] We're running tight, unfortunately.

[1:07:20] There's a complaint to Dan over Twitter?

[1:07:22] I'll tell you what.

[1:07:23] I'll tell you what.

[1:07:24] At Dan K. McCoy.

[1:07:25] If you four people who are waiting in line who aren't going to get a chance, send an

[1:07:29] email to the Flophouse email thing.

[1:07:31] Make sure to note that you were here and didn't get your question asked, and we'll try to

[1:07:34] answer them.

[1:07:35] Yeah.

[1:07:36] I will make that promise right now.

[1:07:37] We'll make that priority over the other ones.

[1:07:38] Put it in the subject line.

[1:07:39] It's not the same, I know, but we'll try to guess what your voices sound like, and Dan

[1:07:45] will read it like that.

[1:07:47] What?

[1:07:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah, pocket square stuff.

[1:07:51] Anyway.

[1:07:52] So, last question.

[1:07:53] A lot of pressure.

[1:07:54] Oh, gosh.

[1:07:55] Hi.

[1:07:56] Hi, peaches.

[1:07:57] Claire, last name withheld.

[1:07:58] Hi, Claire.

[1:07:59] Hi, Claire.

[1:08:00] When I watched Tarsem Singh's The Fall, I remember why I want to be a cinematographer,

[1:08:04] and I wanted to know if there's anything that when you see you get jazzed about something

[1:08:08] you're passionate about, not necessarily career related.

[1:08:12] Oh.

[1:08:13] Well, I mean, when I saw The Fall, I was super jazzed about The Fall.

[1:08:17] That's a great movie.

[1:08:18] That's super great.

[1:08:21] I don't know.

[1:08:22] I mean, kind of recently, this is not a joke answer, but recently reading the comic book

[1:08:28] Prophet by Brandon Graham kind of reminded me why I love comics and made me want to

[1:08:34] make stuff and do stuff.

[1:08:36] It's great.

[1:08:37] Go check it out.

[1:08:38] I had, oh, sorry, Dan, you can go.

[1:08:40] I discovered that there's a series on YouTube, I actually posted this to the Facebook group

[1:08:46] and I was talking about it backstage called Playing Shakespeare.

[1:08:50] It's a BBC program from 1982 the Royal Shakespeare Company put out, and you can see a young Ben

[1:08:56] Kingsley, a young Ian McKellen, a young Patrick Stewart.

[1:08:59] And their bodies are tight as hell.

[1:09:02] Yeah.

[1:09:03] Right?

[1:09:04] You could bounce a berry off Patrick Stewart's pecs.

[1:09:07] Oh, would I?

[1:09:09] And it's got John Barton, the director, explaining how to act in Shakespeare and doing it with

[1:09:15] such clarity and intelligence.

[1:09:17] And it reminded me of when I acted a long time ago and it made me want to act again,

[1:09:25] which I probably will not have the chance to do, but it really rekindled my passion

[1:09:30] for that sort of thing.

[1:09:32] That's really nice.

[1:09:34] I am also not going to have a funny answer.

[1:09:37] This is a true story that really happened to me with a movie that I don't know what

[1:09:42] you guys think about it, and I don't know.

[1:09:44] Anyway, there was a time when I worked at a show called The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,

[1:09:47] and it was ending, and I had to make a decision about whether I was going to stick around

[1:09:51] or whether I was going to do something else.

[1:09:53] And I was a little burned out on doing news stuff, but it was still – it was a good

[1:09:57] job, and it was fun, and I liked all the people.

[1:10:00] there and even Dan what even Dan yeah even us even even yeah against all odds

[1:10:07] and I'm just kidding anyway with you dude yeah come on we can do that your

[1:10:12] friends anyway we're your friends which means we hate you a little bit just

[1:10:17] kidding but uh I went we had a week off and I went to go see a movie called it

[1:10:22] follows and that's a movie that you can take at there from a sheer monster thing

[1:10:28] it's a it's inconsistent but there's a moment at the end of that movie where so

[1:10:33] I don't want to spoil it but the two main characters have made a pair bond

[1:10:37] you might say that was not was not something that it that is partly through

[1:10:42] emotion and partly through just they're in the same situation and there's a

[1:10:45] thing falling behind them that might be the it that's falling them it's shot

[1:10:48] blurry in the back you don't know and it struck me at that moment this movie is

[1:10:53] about relationships and how death is coming for all of us and the only way to

[1:10:57] combat that in our lives is to find another person to have some sort of

[1:11:02] relationship with whether it's romantic or not that is the only hedge against

[1:11:06] the knowledge of death and I remember walking out of that movie and thinking

[1:11:09] there's another way to do to tell stories and there's much more out there

[1:11:13] than like what I've been doing and I gotta try for it and so then I went on a

[1:11:19] mystery science the 3000 which did not really get across the the idea of

[1:11:23] but it was like like but that was but that was the closest thing for me I feel

[1:11:29] like in the past few years which I saw something I was like and it was like a

[1:11:32] door opened up in front of me and I was like oh okay like there's there's other

[1:11:37] stuff oh my god it's full of stars and now I'm a big baby

[1:11:44] Elliot's a big baby so so if you're wondering why I'm a big baby mm-hmm it's

[1:11:51] it follows well anyway that was I felt like I got a little more vulnerable than

[1:11:56] I wanted to in that moment that's okay I don't don't worry I'll cover for you by

[1:12:07] ending the show thank you I appreciate that yeah thank you that was pretty

[1:12:13] questions everybody yeah as always as always getting questions like this when

[1:12:23] you're standing on stage you're like oh what am I gonna say we appreciate really

[1:12:29] so much that everyone came out to see us and that hope you had a guys had a good

[1:12:33] time and I don't know it's just very special to do this before people you

[1:12:37] know yeah there's a three-person hug for the listeners at home that was oh

[1:12:54] yeah we were all hugging for I forgot we were recording this you just you just

[1:12:58] missed a big hug it's like I I heard online so you I remember you said we're

[1:13:05] gonna end the show and I got an online story who wanted to see who meet a

[1:13:09] dinosaur Dan there is not worth going into at this point in the show right we

[1:13:16] do it and why are we spending time calling that out I heard online like

[1:13:22] some audio from an old LP that was from the 70s that was porn it was like a

[1:13:29] pornographic record what less appropriate for the moment it was just

[1:13:40] people having sex and describing it as they were doing it and we did the very

[1:13:48] sweet very vulnerable very nice very non-sexual version of that I don't I

[1:13:53] mean I don't know about non-sexual all right we've been lingering too long and

[1:13:58] I wasted time with that yes so we got another show to do you've all been very

[1:14:04] wonderful thanks

[1:14:28] so yeah what do you have for lunch today Elliot I had had see you with chicken

[1:14:39] they gave me too much and I did not finish it too much chicken or too much

[1:14:43] pad see you too much noodle oh wow what if I used to I grabbed a

[1:14:48] Shack burger on my way to Badlands hair salon made a Shaquille O'Neal meat it

[1:14:53] was delicious although I don't believe the earth is round anymore you have an

[1:15:00] urge to be a Florida sheriff maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned

[1:15:08] listener supported

Ep. #238 - xXx: The Return of Xander Cage LIVE

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