Ep. #243 - The Bye Bye Man

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the bye-bye man.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] The bizarre but true story of newshound Edward R. Murrow.

[0:10] What?

[0:11] Wasn't that his sign-off?

[0:13] Bye-bye!

[0:15] No.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:49] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:51] I'm Stuart Bye-Bye Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[0:54] And I'm Elliot.

[0:54] Hello, Kalen.

[0:56] We're the yin and the yang of this movie.

Dan McCoy

[0:59] Guys, this is weird.

[1:00] I'm feeling weird.

[1:01] Why?

[1:02] Because we're all in the same room together.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04] We're sitting at the same table together.

[1:06] We haven't done that in a long time.

[1:07] I'm not used to it anymore.

[1:08] And we're in Toronto.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09] Yeah, and the acoustics are probably super weird

[1:11] because we're in some tight little Airbnb kitchen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14] We are in an Airbnb in Toronto,

[1:16] home of the most dangerous stairs in Toronto.

Dan McCoy

[1:19] Just having a romantic getaway, the three of us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] Well, it's great to see you guys.

[1:25] As listeners will know,

[1:26] Stuart was unable to join Dan and me in Los Angeles

[1:29] for our Hollywood adventure

[1:31] when we snuck onto a soundstage lot

[1:33] and were mistaken for spies.

[1:35] Whoa.

[1:35] Yeah, it turned into a real car chase.

[1:37] And at one point, the rental car we were in,

[1:39] we had to go under a truck to escape the bad guys,

[1:42] and it sheared the roof off the car.

[1:44] And then we both looked at each other and went,

[1:46] ah!

[1:47] And then looked back at the road.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48] And what about those,

[1:49] I heard a story in the news

[1:51] about two poor glass delivery men

[1:54] who were trying to deliver a giant pane of glass.

[1:57] Yeah, I've got some bad news for you.

[1:59] What was the story in the news?

[2:01] Like, a pane of glass died today.

[2:03] It was like a personality piece.

[2:06] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:07] It was a human interest story

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] about two men who had a hard day at work.

[2:12] They're trying to break the preconceived notions

[2:15] people have about how easy it is to be a glass mover.

[2:18] You know what?

[2:18] It's a tough job.

[2:19] You're not just sitting on a cloud all day.

[2:22] No.

[2:23] That ain't working.

[2:23] No.

[2:24] That's the way you do it.

[2:25] Money for nothing moving.

[2:27] Giant panes of glass.

[2:28] And we also smashed through an entire farmer's market,

[2:32] just the crops and a cage of chickens.

Dan McCoy

[2:34] Yeah, and the guy came out behind us

[2:36] and shook his fist at us.

[2:37] He was not happy.

[2:38] No.

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] And we yelled, sorry!

[2:40] But then the spies started shooting.

[2:42] We were on our way.

[2:43] It's okay, though.

[2:44] We're able to return the microchip

[2:46] that was hidden inside a can of film

[2:48] to the sexy lady spy,

[2:51] and she gave Dan a kiss on the cheek

[2:52] as a thanks, and he fainted.

[2:55] Yeah, well, you know,

[2:56] I've never been touched by a woman before.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] It's a new wrinkle to your character.

[3:03] That's why I'm such a permazoid.

Stuart Wellington

[3:05] So, guys, true crime podcasts

[3:07] are super hot right now.

[3:08] Okay.

[3:09] I like where this is headed.

[3:10] I'll bite.

[3:10] That's true.

[3:12] So, like, is that what we're doing today?

Elliott Kalan

[3:15] Oh, about the bye-bye man?

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:17] Yeah, the famous serial killer.

[3:19] Guys, don't say it.

[3:20] He should not be a famous serial killer

Stuart Wellington

[3:22] for reasons that we'll get to

[3:23] when we talk about the movie.

[3:24] This is going to be a difficult movie

[3:25] to talk about because explicitly

[3:27] you're not supposed to talk about

[3:28] the words that make up the title.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] Yes.

[3:31] It's also going to be a difficult movie

[3:32] to talk about because we watched it

[3:33] before the L.A.

[3:35] Or I did.

[3:36] You watched it just recently, but

[3:37] I watched it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:38] I finished it last night

[3:39] in a drunken stupor.

[3:40] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:41] Well, we'll be referring to my notes

[3:42] thoroughly, I guess.

[3:43] Yeah, we were going to record

[3:44] this episode earlier.

[3:45] I remember it earlier.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] I remember Elliot and Sasha

[3:48] and John and Miss Watkins.

[3:51] Mrs. Watkins?

[3:53] Mrs. Watkins.

[3:53] Yes.

[3:54] And I think that's it.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] Well, and of course,

[3:58] the titular bye-bye man.

[4:00] Yeah.

[4:01] You said titular.

[4:02] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[4:03] Dan, grow up.

[4:04] This is why you faint

[4:05] when women kiss you.

[4:06] Sometimes you can just let it go by.

[4:08] You don't have to pick up

[4:09] every plate of food on it.

[4:11] You know, every time you see

[4:12] a crawler lying in the street,

[4:14] you know, just pick it up

[4:14] and take a bite.

Elliott Kalan

[4:17] Come on.

[4:18] It's a delicious crawler.

[4:19] It's flaky and sweet.

[4:21] Speaking of flaky, sweet,

[4:22] delicious crawlers,

[4:23] what do we do on this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[4:24] Oh, okay.

[4:25] This is a podcast

[4:25] where we watch a mad movie

[4:27] and then we talk about it.

[4:29] And this is the second

[4:30] in our Shocktober episodes

[4:32] where we watch horror movies.

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] Or Horrorween,

[4:36] which is a holiday

[4:38] in which you do scary parodies

[4:40] of ween songs.

[4:41] I do one,

[4:43] but I don't know

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] any ween songs.

[4:47] Dan, are you staring off

[4:48] into the middle of the distance

[4:49] trying to remember?

[4:50] I was trying to think

[4:50] if I knew any ween songs.

[4:51] Sure.

[4:52] I don't think I do.

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] But it's, yeah,

[4:54] October's quickly coming to an end,

[4:56] which is fine

[4:57] because Halloween

[4:57] is literally the last day

[4:58] in October

[4:58] for maximum suspense

[5:00] for the entire month

[5:02] about what people

[5:02] are going to dress up as

[5:03] on the Today Show.

[5:05] And so, yeah,

[5:07] we're doing Shocktober horror movies.

[5:09] And what's the movie today, Dan,

[5:10] that was already announced

[5:10] a couple times?

[5:11] Yeah, sure.

[5:12] The Bye-Bye Man.

[5:13] The Bye-Bye Man.

[5:14] Ah, Bye-Bye Birdie.

[5:18] That's right.

[5:19] Now, is this the sequel

[5:20] to The Goodbye Girl?

Dan McCoy

[5:22] It's the sequel to

[5:23] Bye Baby Bye.

[5:26] Is that anything?

[5:27] I started the sentence

[5:28] without knowing

[5:29] where it was going.

Elliott Kalan

[5:29] I don't know.

[5:30] Yeah, I don't know what the,

[5:31] but there's a movie

[5:32] called Bye-Bye Braverman.

[5:33] Is that the father

[5:34] of the good night kid?

Stuart Wellington

[5:37] The good night kid.

[5:37] That's a movie, right?

[5:39] See, he did the same thing I did.

[5:40] It's a movie about a boxer.

[5:44] When he hits you,

[5:45] it puts you to sleep.

[5:46] It's good night.

[5:46] And he says,

[5:47] good night.

[5:48] Good night, kid.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] And then he tenderly kisses

[5:50] his defeated opponent

[5:51] on the forehead

[5:51] and pulls a quilt over him.

[5:53] That's why they call him

[5:54] the good night kid.

[5:55] Yeah.

[5:56] Guys, let's just jump

[5:57] into the Bye-Bye Man, huh?

[5:58] All right.

[5:59] The Shocktober's

[5:59] quickly running to a close.

[6:01] The sand is flowing

[6:02] out of the hourglass,

[6:03] and our own lives

[6:04] will probably be over

[6:05] because we have knowledge

[6:06] of the Bye-Bye Man.

[6:07] Let's explain.

Dan McCoy

[6:08] I just,

[6:08] before we get into it,

[6:09] I just want to point out

[6:10] that Elliot,

[6:13] on his notes,

[6:13] has specified

[6:14] Bye-Bye Man,

[6:15] parentheses, unrated.

Elliott Kalan

[6:17] Oh, because I didn't know,

[6:18] there were two options

[6:19] on the thing I was watching.

[6:20] I was watching it

[6:21] with Flophouse listener

[6:23] and my good friend,

[6:24] Brendan Hay,

[6:24] and we had two options,

[6:26] either the rated

[6:27] or unrated editions,

[6:28] and I didn't know

[6:29] if you guys were going

[6:29] to watch which version,

[6:31] so I wanted to make note

[6:32] this is the unrated version.

Stuart Wellington

[6:33] You real quick

[6:34] ran over to the door

[6:35] and made sure

[6:35] that your parents

[6:36] weren't going to come in.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] Now, here's the thing.

[6:39] This was technically

[6:39] the unrated edition.

[6:41] It could have been PG-13.

[6:43] Yeah.

[6:43] There was nothing,

[6:44] I was like,

[6:45] oh, the extreme war

[6:46] and sex I was expecting.

[6:47] I was expecting.

[6:47] I was expecting

[6:47] on the slipping standards

[6:48] of the MPA.

[6:50] Somewhere,

[6:50] Jack Valenti's ghost

[6:51] is killing teenagers

[6:53] who have heard of his name.

[6:54] Okay, the Bye-Bye Man.

[6:56] So we begin,

[6:56] unrated edition.

[6:57] We begin in Madison, Wisconsin,

[6:59] 1969.

[7:00] Nice.

[7:01] College town.

[7:02] And it's 69,

[7:03] two years after

Stuart Wellington

[7:04] the summer of love.

[7:05] What did you say

[7:05] about leaving things

[7:06] on the floor?

[7:07] Come on, dude.

[7:08] That was planned out.

[7:10] That's a planned out bit.

[7:11] Really?

[7:12] Yeah, as soon as I saw

[7:13] that card,

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] I'm like,

[7:16] I'm gonna say nice

[7:17] when Elliot says it.

[7:18] Well,

[7:19] a man in a state

[7:21] of high agitation

[7:21] asks a woman

[7:22] if she told anyone

[7:22] about the name.

[7:24] And when she says yes,

[7:25] he says he's sorry

[7:26] and shoots her.

[7:27] Then he kills

[7:27] the only person

[7:28] that she told about

[7:29] her paralyzed son.

[7:31] And this is all done

[7:32] in one long tracking shot,

[7:33] which is fairly impressive.

[7:35] And the guy starts yelling,

[7:36] I'm gonna stop you!

[7:37] I'm gonna stop you!

[7:38] And he runs across

[7:39] the street to the house

[7:40] where the other people

[7:40] know the name.

[7:41] And he shoots them too.

[7:43] And then,

[7:44] that's it.

[7:46] And then that's it

[7:47] for that opening scene.

[7:47] And it's all done

[7:48] in one long tracking shot.

[7:49] And I was like,

[7:49] maybe this movie

[7:50] has a little bit more

[7:51] ambition than I thought.

[7:52] I was quickly disabused

Stuart Wellington

[7:54] of that notion.

[7:54] Yeah, I mean,

[7:55] I totally agree with you

[7:57] that that opening,

[7:58] the choice was interesting.

[8:00] But like,

[8:01] the thing about

[8:02] a single tracking shot

[8:03] is that it's a pussy

[8:04] like,

[8:05] kind of trap you in there

[8:06] and you feel like

[8:07] you can't look away.

[8:08] And it's like,

[8:09] limiting in a way.

[8:10] Like,

[8:10] it makes you feel claustrophobic.

[8:12] But then,

[8:13] at the same time,

[8:14] all the gore effects

[8:17] of the shotgun hits

[8:18] were all very clearly CGI.

[8:21] And for me,

[8:22] that just kind of

[8:23] takes me out of

[8:24] the magic of the movies

[8:25] when it's like,

[8:26] that's very clearly

[8:27] like,

[8:29] pixelated blood right there.

[8:30] You're saying

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] if they're trying

[8:31] to make a real,

[8:32] trap you in a moment,

[8:34] you need to make

[8:34] that moment

[8:34] as practically real

[8:36] as possible

[8:36] so that you're not

[8:38] knocked out of it

[8:38] by some other element.

Stuart Wellington

[8:39] I would say so.

[8:40] I mean,

[8:40] I'm assuming technically

[8:41] it's far easier

[8:43] to just be like,

[8:44] yeah,

[8:44] just slap a lot of red

Elliott Kalan

[8:45] on there.

[8:46] Especially for,

[8:47] if you have to do

[8:47] a second take

[8:48] of that tracking shot,

[8:50] you have to clean

[8:50] everything in between

[8:51] and reset all the squibs

[8:53] and stuff.

[8:53] And like,

[8:54] I understand why

[8:55] they did it,

[8:55] but you're right,

[8:55] it would have been better.

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] But there's something

[8:57] that I was like,

[8:58] not to play

[8:59] Monday morning quarterback.

[9:01] That's a thing, right?

[9:02] When are you going

[9:02] to direct your

[9:03] Bye Bye Man,

[9:04] Stuart?

[9:05] Bye Bye Man 2,

[9:06] guys.

[9:06] I got an announcement

[9:07] to make at the end of the episode.

[9:09] They're going to put me

[9:10] in the director's chair.

[9:12] They're going to trust

[9:12] this franchise.

[9:15] They're going to trust

[9:15] me with the franchise,

[9:16] which is strange

[9:17] since I've never

[9:17] directed anything.

[9:18] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] considering the first movie

[9:20] in the franchise,

[9:21] it's not that strange

[9:22] they would take a chance

[9:23] on the total unknown.

[9:24] What's the subtitle

[9:25] to Bye Bye Man 2?

Stuart Wellington

[9:27] The Good Night Kid.

[9:29] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] The only one

[9:31] who can destroy

[9:31] the Bye Bye Man

[9:32] is the Good Night Kid.

[9:33] But who is the Bye Bye Man?

[9:35] Well,

[9:35] let's jump back

[9:36] in the movie

[9:36] and find out.

[9:36] Three friends,

[9:37] two guys and a girl.

[9:38] They're college students.

[9:39] They move into an empty house,

[9:40] I assume to turn it

[9:41] into a pizza place.

[9:42] Now,

Stuart Wellington

[9:42] before we're introduced

[9:45] to those kids,

[9:45] we see right after

[9:47] that flashback,

[9:49] we cut to a shot

[9:50] of a train

[9:51] running down

[9:52] a dark railroad tracks.

[9:54] And at that point,

[9:55] I'm like,

[9:55] is this the seventh set

[9:57] of fucking production logos?

[9:58] And then,

[10:01] of course,

[10:01] now it's just

[10:02] a shot of a train

[10:03] and then the logo,

[10:06] the Bye Bye Man,

[10:07] which,

[10:07] I would,

[10:08] not to have

[10:09] a progression again,

[10:11] but like,

[10:12] remember when

[10:12] horror movies

[10:13] put some effort

[10:14] into the design

[10:16] of their logos?

[10:17] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[10:18] yeah.

[10:18] Well,

[10:18] that was part

[10:18] of the scariness of it.

[10:20] You wanted a trait,

[10:20] you wanted a,

[10:21] also a recognizable logo

[10:23] that would then become

[10:24] a brand.

[10:25] Yeah.

[10:26] For the series,

[10:27] if it became a series.

Stuart Wellington

[10:28] And when you have,

[10:29] I mean,

[10:30] already when you're

[10:31] working with a silly name

[10:32] like the Bye Bye Man.

[10:34] Wait,

[10:34] silly?

[10:35] Yeah.

[10:36] It is a really goofy name.

[10:38] I feel like

[10:39] you should put a little

[10:40] bit of effort

[10:41] into like,

[10:41] picture book.

Dan McCoy

[10:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:44] You should put a little

[10:45] bit of effort

[10:45] into like,

[10:46] scarifying up

[10:47] that title card.

[10:48] Otherwise,

[10:49] it's just gonna look dumb.

[10:50] Like,

[10:50] don't try and make it look

[10:51] like,

[10:52] I don't know,

[10:53] don't,

[10:54] don't set it up

[10:55] in comic sans.

[10:56] Yeah,

[10:56] Times New Roman.

Elliott Kalan

[10:58] I mean,

[10:58] we'll get to that,

[10:59] yeah,

[11:00] we'll get to that train too

[11:01] because as it becomes

[11:02] later,

[11:03] clear,

[11:04] that train appears

[11:04] to be some kind of

[11:05] soul train.

[11:08] I'm glad you-

[11:09] It's one of many,

[11:09] many Bye Bye Man,

[11:11] uh,

[11:12] uh,

[11:12] um,

[11:13] like,

[11:13] accoutrement.

[11:14] Like,

[11:15] has a lot of accessories

[11:16] and you know what

[11:17] they say,

[11:17] ladies,

[11:18] before you leave the room,

[11:19] before you leave the house,

[11:20] take off one piece of jewelry.

[11:21] The Bye Bye Man needs,

[11:22] he,

[11:22] we'll get to it.

[11:23] He needs to take off-

[11:23] So the Bye Bye Man

[11:24] can take it?

[11:24] He needs to take off

[11:26] one piece of gimmickry

[11:27] because he is a very

[11:28] elaborate,

[11:29] uh,

[11:29] set up.

[11:30] But Danny,

[11:30] you were gonna say

[11:31] about the soul train.

Dan McCoy

[11:33] I'm just glad that you

[11:34] understand why that

[11:35] train is in there

[11:35] because other than a person

[11:36] getting hit by a train

[11:37] later in the movie,

[11:38] I found it completely

[11:39] inexplicable that every

[11:40] once in a while

[11:41] they would just cut

[11:41] to a train barreling

[11:42] down the tracks

Elliott Kalan

[11:43] at night.

[11:44] It's just one of the

[11:45] many omens that

[11:46] the Bye Bye Man,

[11:47] uh,

[11:47] has warning people

[11:48] about the guy

[11:49] they're not supposed

[11:50] to know about.

[11:50] Okay.

[11:51] We'll get to that

[11:51] because these three,

[11:52] two guys and a girl,

[11:53] the two of the,

[11:54] two of the characters

[11:55] are in a relationship.

[11:56] Elliot and Sasha.

[11:57] Elliot and Sasha.

[11:58] Oh,

[11:58] I didn't know that.

[11:59] What happened to Danielle?

[12:01] Dan.

[12:02] This Elliot in the movie

[12:03] spells it with one T.

[12:04] Okay.

[12:05] It was weird watching-

[12:06] That is the

[12:06] only difference.

[12:07] It was,

[12:08] I mean,

[12:08] it was weird watching

[12:09] the movie and having

[12:10] them be like,

[12:10] Elliot,

[12:11] what are you doing?

[12:12] And stuff like that.

[12:13] But it was nice to see

[12:14] another addition to the

[12:16] fairly limited number

[12:17] of Elliot's in movies.

[12:18] There's Elliot from E.T.,

[12:20] Elliot the Dragon

[12:21] from Pete's Dragon,

[12:22] there's Elliot from

[12:23] Dead Ringers,

[12:24] and that's,

[12:24] and there's Elliot from,

[12:25] uh,

[12:26] from Hannah and Her Sisters,

[12:27] Michael Caine's character.

[12:27] And that's about it.

[12:28] Yeah.

[12:28] That I can think of.

[12:29] Elliot Gould?

[12:31] But that,

[12:31] okay,

[12:32] now,

[12:32] come on.

[12:33] He's never,

[12:34] okay,

[12:35] but-

[12:36] Elliot?

[12:37] Again,

[12:37] it's the same,

[12:38] similar problem.

[12:39] They're actually,

[12:40] oh boy,

[12:41] anyway,

[12:42] uh,

[12:42] now the house they're in,

[12:44] they're mad,

[12:44] because it's,

[12:45] they're renting it.

[12:45] It's kind of spooky and big.

[12:47] It was supposed to be furnished,

[12:48] and it's not,

[12:49] though it does have

[12:49] happy fish,

[12:50] a happy fisherman shower curtain.

[12:52] Uh,

[12:52] for those who don't know,

[12:53] that's a cartoon of a fisherman

[12:54] where below the water,

[12:56] he's wading into the water,

[12:57] and below the water,

[12:57] he's not wearing pants,

[12:59] uh,

[12:59] and a fish is giving him

[13:00] a blowjob.

[13:00] And this is,

[13:01] have you never seen this before,

[13:02] Dan?

[13:03] No.

[13:03] This is a thing that's been around

[13:04] for 50 years?

[13:07] You've never seen this merchandise?

[13:08] I've never seen this in my life.

[13:10] Okay,

[13:10] well,

[13:10] and Daniel Close did a comic

[13:11] based on this character.

Dan McCoy

[13:13] Did he?

[13:13] Yeah.

[13:14] I probably just thought

[13:15] it was something

[13:15] from his sick mind,

[13:16] but,

[13:17] uh,

[13:17] I mean,

[13:18] he did do a comic

[13:18] called Needle Dick the Bugfucker,

[13:20] so.

[13:20] Yeah,

[13:20] that's true.

[13:21] I didn't know that that was a.

Stuart Wellington

[13:22] Now,

[13:23] is,

[13:23] is that comic

[13:24] supposed to be,

[13:25] like,

[13:26] a commentary on how

[13:27] going fishing,

[13:29] you know,

[13:29] can be a little bit boring,

[13:30] and that would explain why,

[13:32] you know,

[13:33] a guy would go fishing

[13:34] all the time,

[13:34] wake up so early

[13:35] to run down to the lake?

Elliott Kalan

[13:36] I think you might be

[13:37] applying more logic to it

[13:38] than is necessary.

[13:39] I think the joke of it

[13:40] is that the guy

[13:40] is getting a blowjob

[13:41] from a fish,

[13:43] and from above

[13:44] the water,

[13:44] you wouldn't know it.

Dan McCoy

[13:45] How do we know

[13:45] that that's a blowjob?

[13:46] How do we know

[13:47] that the fish

[13:48] just doesn't think

[13:48] that the penis is a worm

[13:49] and is fighting into it?

[13:51] I'm not,

[13:51] I'm not talking about

[13:52] the fish's motivation.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] Okay.

[13:54] That guy,

[13:54] that guy is achieving

[13:55] the effect of getting

[13:56] a blowjob

[13:56] from the toothless mouth

[13:58] of a fish.

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] at least based on

[13:59] the,

[14:00] the,

[14:01] the expression

[14:02] on his face.

[14:03] Okay.

[14:03] He seems to be,

[14:04] yeah,

[14:04] he's loving it.

[14:05] He's loving it.

Elliott Kalan

[14:06] He's not horrified

[14:07] as I would be

[14:08] if a fish clamped

[14:09] its mouth around my penis.

[14:10] I would be disgusted

[14:11] and tear it away instantly.

[14:14] Best case scenario,

[14:15] it's some kind of spa

[14:16] where the fish

[14:17] is going to nibble away

[14:18] the dead skin cells

[14:19] like they,

[14:19] like they do it

[14:20] in pedicures.

Stuart Wellington

[14:21] Yeah.

[14:22] You wouldn't,

[14:22] you wouldn't have

[14:23] a look on your face

[14:24] as if you're seeing

[14:24] the golden spires

[14:25] of Xanadu

[14:26] in the distance.

Dan McCoy

[14:28] Exactly.

[14:29] I would expect it

[14:30] to be one of those

[14:30] things like the comic

[14:31] takes where at first

[14:32] you're like,

[14:33] and then you're like,

[14:34] hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] Dan,

[14:36] that was some great

[14:37] face acting you did

[14:37] just then.

[14:38] The listeners couldn't

[14:39] see it,

[14:39] but it was worth it.

[14:41] But anyway,

[14:41] we should get back.

[14:42] It's a,

[14:42] it's a really spooky house,

[14:43] but they're spooky too.

[14:44] Elliot makes Sasha

[14:45] a love note

[14:46] out of cut up

[14:47] magazine letters,

[14:48] which is not a romantic

[14:49] thing to do.

[14:50] It's also a long love note,

[14:51] so he must have cut out

[14:52] a shit ton of magazines.

[14:53] But like,

[14:53] that's how you make

[14:54] a ransom note.

[14:55] Gotta keep the publishing

[14:56] industry, yeah.

[14:57] That's the only way

[14:58] to do it.

[14:59] Things are a little creepy

[15:00] and Sasha's noticing them.

[15:01] The plumbing makes

[15:01] knocking noises.

[15:02] There's a little storage

[15:03] door that like,

[15:04] There's a lot of little

[15:05] storage doors.

[15:06] And those are great.

[15:08] As someone who now

[15:08] lives in a house

[15:09] with some little

[15:10] storage doors here

[15:11] and there,

[15:11] it's fantastic.

[15:12] Those are great

Dan McCoy

[15:13] storage areas.

[15:13] Like a braggy.

[15:14] Look,

[15:15] as someone who doesn't

Elliott Kalan

[15:16] live in New York,

[15:17] I now have closets

[15:17] and space to put things.

[15:19] Whoa.

[15:20] But anyway,

[15:21] it's,

[15:21] there's everything

[15:21] just a little creepy.

[15:22] Doors open and slam

[15:23] on their own,

[15:23] but it's not quite,

[15:25] is it,

[15:25] was that just the wind?

[15:27] There's a housewarming party

[15:28] and Elliot's much older

[15:29] brother who has a family

[15:30] is like,

[15:31] Hey,

[15:31] don't grow up too fast.

[15:32] Enjoy college.

[15:33] Don't commit yourself

[15:34] to one girl right away.

[15:35] It's like,

Stuart Wellington

[15:35] I got so many regrets

[15:36] right now.

[15:37] Look at my daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] And yeah,

[15:39] he has a young daughter

[15:40] who wanders upstairs

[15:41] and finds that,

[15:43] and the little storage door

[15:44] opens spookily

[15:44] and she finds a gold coin

[15:46] that people keep putting

[15:48] on a side table

[15:49] and it keeps falling

[15:49] on the floor anyway.

[15:50] And the gold coin is,

[15:52] again,

[15:52] one of the accessories

[15:53] of the Bye Bye Man.

[15:54] So now we've got a train

[15:55] and a gold coin.

[15:56] Is there more?

[15:57] Yes,

[15:57] there is.

[15:58] Two things that naturally

[15:58] go together.

[15:59] Yep.

[16:00] So you pay for your train ticket

[16:02] with a gold coin.

[16:04] Oh.

[16:05] Sasha's friend says

[16:06] she's going to do

[16:06] a psychic cleansing

[16:07] of the house

[16:08] after the party

[16:08] because it's so spooky

[16:09] and Elliot finds

[16:11] a crazy scribbled warning

[16:12] inside the side table

[16:13] that says like,

[16:15] Don't say his name,

[16:16] don't think his name,

[16:17] don't say his name,

[16:17] don't think his name

[16:18] and it's covering

[16:18] the words

[16:20] carved in the bottom

[16:21] of the drawer.

[16:22] Now,

[16:23] if I were,

[16:24] if this happened to me,

[16:25] I'd be like,

[16:27] eh,

[16:28] I would not think

[16:29] anything of it.

[16:30] But Elliot,

[16:30] of course,

[16:31] decides to

[16:32] start talking

[16:33] about the Bye Bye Man.

Stuart Wellington

[16:34] I mean,

[16:34] I probably would tell people

[16:36] about this weird thing

[16:37] I found.

Dan McCoy

[16:39] Now,

[16:39] are we to believe

[16:40] that the Bye Bye Man

[16:41] himself carved

[16:42] his name in the drawer?

[16:44] Because it seems like

[16:45] anyone else

[16:46] who learns the name

[16:46] of the Bye Bye Man

[16:47] knows that it's a bad thing

[16:49] to pass it along.

[16:50] So I don't know

[16:50] why they would.

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] Let's,

[16:52] you know what,

[16:52] let's,

[16:52] ahead of time,

[16:53] let's dip into the

[16:54] cosmology of the

[16:55] Bye Bye Man.

[16:56] Sure.

[16:56] And the phenomenology

[16:57] of the Bye Bye Bye Man.

[16:58] The Bye Bye Bye Man,

[16:59] it turns out,

[17:00] is a killer who,

[17:02] he's a boogeyman who,

[17:03] if you learn his name

[17:04] or even think of it,

[17:05] if you know it,

[17:06] if you know his name,

[17:08] it acts as some sort of

[17:09] mental virus

[17:10] and you start

[17:10] hallucinating things

[17:12] that lead you

[17:13] to want to kill people

[17:14] and the only way

[17:15] to cure it

[17:16] is to kill everyone

[17:17] who has heard of

[17:19] and then kill yourself.

[17:20] And so the Bye Bye Man,

[17:22] his whole MO

[17:23] is constantly eliminating

[17:25] the people who know

[17:26] his name.

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:27] So it's like a real

[17:27] uphill battle.

[17:28] It's like Bye Bye Man

[17:29] has like a great

[17:30] breakout thing.

[17:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[17:32] And then he's got to

[17:32] start all over again

[17:33] from square one.

[17:34] He's going to be huge.

[17:34] And then everybody

[17:36] kills each other.

[17:37] And then everyone

[17:37] kills each other

[17:37] and it's like,

[17:38] Bye Bye Man,

[17:39] he goes to see his agent

[17:40] and the agent's like,

[17:41] your Q ratings are in the toilet.

[17:43] What happened?

[17:45] It was going,

[17:46] word of mouth.

[17:47] People were talking about me.

[17:49] When, what happened then,

[17:50] Bye Bye Man?

[17:50] I, uh,

[17:52] I tricked them into

[17:53] killing each other.

[17:54] Okay, Bye Bye Man,

[17:55] here's an issue

[17:55] that you're having.

[17:56] You can't kill

[17:57] your customers so much.

[17:59] Cigarette companies show us.

[18:01] You can kill your customers

[18:01] if it takes a long time

[18:03] and they help other people

[18:04] get hooked.

[18:05] Well, I get people hooked

[18:06] on the Bye Bye Man name.

[18:07] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[18:08] You're killing too fast

[18:08] though, Bye Bye Bye Man.

Dan McCoy

[18:09] Yeah, and it's worth

[18:10] pointing out at this point

[18:11] that, uh, this is basically

[18:13] a very similar thing

[18:15] to Rings,

[18:16] the previous movie

[18:16] that we watched for the,

[18:17] or talked about for the show.

[18:18] Yeah.

[18:19] The same kind of like,

[18:20] you learn a thing

[18:21] and then later on you die.

[18:23] And it's a, like a,

[18:24] it spreads like a virus.

Stuart Wellington

[18:25] Except Samara.

[18:26] It's a strong comment

[18:28] on anti,

[18:28] on intellectualism.

[18:31] The ideas can kill.

Elliott Kalan

[18:32] Stay dumb, America.

[18:34] And, but,

[18:35] but the thing is,

[18:35] Samara is like a powerful ghost

[18:37] from,

[18:38] who can do anything

[18:39] it seems.

[18:40] Yeah.

[18:40] Whereas Bye Bye Man

[18:41] is basically Mysterio.

[18:43] Like,

[18:43] he just creates illusions

[18:44] that make you go crazy

[18:46] a little bit.

[18:46] And we'll get to the point

[18:47] later on where Elliot goes,

[18:48] no,

[18:49] I'm not afraid of him.

[18:50] I won't believe the illusions.

[18:51] And from that point on

[18:52] he's kind of fine.

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:53] It's like how in a beautiful mind

[18:55] Russell Crowe is like,

[18:56] I will not be crazy anymore,

[18:58] sir.

[18:58] And he stops being crazy.

[19:00] Yeah.

[19:00] But anyway,

[19:01] going back to the movie,

[19:01] they hold this seance.

[19:02] At this point I was thinking,

[19:03] this is a very easy going

[19:04] kind of Richard Linklater

[19:05] type horror movie.

[19:07] Yeah.

[19:07] Not a lot of tension,

[19:08] not a lot of pace.

[19:09] And the seance girl,

[19:10] she's real.

[19:11] She talks to Elliot's dead parents,

[19:13] talks to Sasha's grandma.

[19:14] Kim,

[19:14] Kim the seance girl.

[19:16] And he tries to test her

[19:17] by asking her a question,

[19:18] but she knows it.

[19:19] And she just knows,

[19:20] but then she starts going

[19:21] into a kind of a frenzy.

[19:23] She's saying,

[19:23] don't say it,

[19:23] don't think it,

[19:24] don't say it,

[19:24] don't think it.

[19:25] Elliot goes,

[19:26] bye bye man.

[19:26] And the lights go out.

[19:27] Uh oh.

[19:31] Elliot is starting to.

[19:32] Total bass drop.

[19:33] Everybody flips out.

[19:34] Elliot is starting to feel like,

[19:36] they go to bed.

[19:37] Elliot's starting to feel like,

[19:38] he's wondering if his girlfriend

[19:40] is interested in his best friend

[19:42] who's living with them.

[19:43] There's a love triangle of brewing

[19:44] and there's creepy noises in the house.

[19:46] Cut to the next day.

Stuart Wellington

[19:47] And there's also a lot of shots

[19:48] where he'll look over

[19:51] and he'll see the creepy robe

[19:53] that he has hanging on the wall.

[19:56] one second it's a normal robe,

[19:57] another second,

[19:58] there's a bye bye man in that robe

[19:59] who looks kind of like,

[20:01] at first I'm like,

[20:02] is that just the old guy

[20:03] from the Inner Sandman video?

[20:05] Later on you realize,

[20:06] no,

[20:06] he's much dumber looking.

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Yeah,

[20:08] he's,

[20:08] and it's,

[20:10] a lot of that robe

[20:11] could be bye bye man,

[20:11] could be a robe.

[20:12] It's like the old drunk,

[20:13] is it a young lady

[20:13] or is it an old woman?

Stuart Wellington

[20:15] Yeah,

[20:15] is that a lady at,

[20:17] what,

[20:17] a vanity

[20:18] or is that a skull?

Dan McCoy

[20:20] Yeah,

[20:20] is that a duck or a rabbit?

[20:22] Is that a guy getting a blowjob

[20:23] from a fish

[20:24] or a guy getting his dick

[20:26] bitten off by a fish?

[20:27] Depends on the fish, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[20:28] We got to identify that fish.

[20:29] Now,

[20:30] if it's a piranha,

[20:31] that dick's coming off.

[20:32] That's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[20:33] Sometimes when you open

[20:34] a lamb or shant's configuration,

[20:36] pleasure and pain

Elliott Kalan

[20:37] get mixed with a fish bite.

[20:38] Now,

[20:38] if it's a North American

[20:39] prick sucker,

[20:40] then he's getting,

[20:41] he's getting a real nice job.

[20:43] Yeah.

[20:43] Anyway,

[20:45] the,

[20:45] and we find out that John,

[20:46] which is the name of the friend,

[20:47] which I kept forgetting,

[20:48] he,

[20:48] he spent the night

[20:49] with the psychic girl,

[20:50] but when he drives her home,

[20:51] she's like,

[20:52] it's okay,

[20:52] this stuff happens.

[20:53] He could get it up,

[20:54] it turns out.

[20:55] But she's still hungry for it.

[20:57] She wants him to come into her room

[20:58] right then,

[20:59] but he looks at her

[21:00] and she looks like

[21:00] she has maggots in her hair

[21:02] and he freaks out

[21:03] and drives away.

[21:04] And it was,

[21:05] classic Lost Boys.

[21:07] Yeah.

[21:09] But it,

[21:09] but done so,

[21:10] it was one of the things

[21:10] where it's like,

[21:11] if you weren't looking closely,

[21:12] you would not notice

[21:13] she had maggots in her hair.

[21:14] Like,

[21:14] they didn't really fill the hair

[21:16] with maggots,

[21:16] if you know what I mean.

[21:17] Sure, yeah.

[21:18] Here's a tip

[21:19] for aspiring horror filmmakers.

[21:20] Fill the hair with maggots.

[21:21] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[21:21] just go crazy with that stuff.

[21:22] Don't be afraid,

Elliott Kalan

[21:23] just get,

[21:23] I mean,

[21:24] they use that stuff for medicine

[21:25] in the Civil War times.

[21:26] It's not gonna hurt anybody.

Stuart Wellington

[21:27] I mean,

[21:28] the idea of,

[21:29] like,

[21:30] I'm gonna slowly tease out the horror

[21:32] by just putting a few maggots in there.

[21:35] Like,

[21:35] get the fuck out of here.

[21:36] We know what we're in for.

[21:37] Don't be stingy with the maggots.

[21:38] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[21:38] give us some horror,

[21:39] maggot it up.

[21:41] Just like in the hit play,

[21:44] Corpse on a Hot Tin Roof

[21:45] starring Maggot the Cat.

[21:46] Yeah.

[21:47] What?

[21:48] All right,

[21:50] I'll accept it.

[21:50] Thank you.

[21:51] And Ellie also finds

[21:52] claw marks seem to have been

[21:54] scratched out of the bricks

[21:55] outside the house.

[21:56] Wait a minute.

[21:57] Does the Bye Bye Man have claws?

[21:58] No.

[21:59] It's from his third accessory,

[22:00] which we'll get to later.

[22:02] This love triangle is a brewing.

[22:05] Sasha starts hallucinating

[22:06] that John is shirtless

[22:08] and attractive.

[22:09] I mean,

[22:09] he's attractive.

[22:10] Yeah,

[22:10] I mean,

[22:11] this guy,

[22:11] he's amazing.

[22:12] He's fucking shredded.

[22:13] tension is brewing

[22:13] between all of them.

[22:15] There's more scratchy noises

[22:16] outside the house.

[22:17] Ellie goes to the basement.

[22:18] And it's kind of like,

[22:19] it turns into

[22:20] if House of the Devil

[22:21] was really bad

[22:22] is what this part

[22:24] felt like to me.

[22:24] Like,

[22:25] oh,

[22:25] he's just walking

[22:25] around his house.

[22:26] But it's not scary.

[22:28] It's not incredibly tense.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] Every once in a while,

[22:30] they're like,

[22:31] we'll sneak a Bye Bye Man

[22:32] in the background

[22:33] of that shot.

Dan McCoy

[22:35] Yeah.

[22:35] It's like someone,

[22:36] a realtor showing a house

[22:38] warning you,

[22:39] like,

[22:39] there's an occasional

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] It's a great space,

[22:43] lots of storage,

[22:44] all these little closets.

[22:45] Look at these windows.

[22:46] It's sun-drenched.

[22:48] Now,

[22:48] what would the real estate

[22:50] terminology for

[22:51] Bye Bye Man be?

[22:52] Where, like,

[22:52] small becomes cozy?

[22:54] Like,

[22:54] what would be the positive

[22:55] spin on Bye Bye Man?

[22:57] Like,

[22:58] storied?

[22:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:01] This historic house.

[23:02] Someone to say goodbye

[23:04] to you whenever

[23:04] you leave the house.

[23:05] There's an eventual

Stuart Wellington

[23:06] guest on his way.

Elliott Kalan

[23:10] There's,

[23:10] and there's,

[23:11] he finds that gold coin again.

[23:12] There's claw marks

[23:13] in the basement.

Stuart Wellington

[23:13] Uh-oh.

[23:14] And you think at this point,

[23:15] he's collecting all these

[23:16] fucking gold coins,

[23:17] he can, like,

[23:17] level up or something,

[23:18] get another life.

[23:19] Sure.

[23:21] At least trade them

[23:22] for some potions.

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] His girlfriend gets a call,

[23:27] I mean,

[23:27] he gets a door slammed shut

[23:29] and his friends have to

[23:30] let him out of the basement.

[23:31] His girlfriend gets a cold

[23:32] and in a fugue state,

[23:33] she draws a picture

[23:33] of the Bye Bye Man

[23:35] and she knows

[23:36] that he's coming for her

[23:36] because she knows

[23:37] his name now.

[23:38] Uh-oh.

[23:39] Because at this point,

[23:40] the movie is still

[23:41] going to go through

[23:41] the thing of they've got,

[23:42] like,

[23:43] in the ring,

[23:43] they've got to,

[23:43] like,

[23:44] suss out the mystery.

[23:45] Yeah.

[23:45] But they also just

[23:46] kind of know.

[23:47] Yeah.

[23:47] Like,

[23:48] they just kind of know

[23:48] what a Bye Bye Man does.

[23:50] Right away,

[23:51] she believes there's a monster,

[23:52] but Elliot's still like,

[23:52] I don't know,

[23:53] and she has a dream

[23:54] where they're all

[23:55] standing naked on train tracks

[23:56] and a train hits them.

Dan McCoy

[23:57] Yeah,

[23:57] this is the most

[23:58] unmotivated butt shot

[23:59] I've seen in a movie.

[24:01] It's just,

[24:01] yeah,

[24:01] it's just like

[24:02] a train bearing down

[24:03] on three nude backs.

[24:05] And like,

[24:06] you know me,

[24:06] I'm not going to argue

[24:07] with an unmotivated butt shot,

[24:08] but it was glaringly unmotivated.

[24:11] Like,

[24:11] why are they all nude

[24:12] in the middle

[24:13] of these train tracks?

Elliott Kalan

[24:14] My guess is because

[24:15] it represents their souls

[24:16] or like their purest essence.

[24:18] Okay.

[24:18] But my other guess

[24:19] is that they were like,

[24:21] we got to jazz up

[24:22] this movie with some nudity.

[24:23] Will she take her top off?

[24:24] No.

[24:25] Will she do a butt shot?

[24:26] Is it going to be weird

[24:26] if it's just her?

[24:27] We'll have the guys in there too.

[24:29] Or they were like,

[24:30] here's a little something

[24:31] for the bye-bye men

[24:32] and the bye-bye ladies.

[24:34] We're equal opportunity

[24:35] butt portrayers.

[24:37] And they get hit

[24:38] by the soul train.

[24:41] They see the bye-bye man

[24:42] for a moment,

[24:42] turn on the light,

[24:42] he's gone.

[24:43] Elliot and girlfriend,

[24:44] they split up to investigate

[24:45] like a real Scooby-Doo gang.

[24:47] Elliot's online search

[24:48] of bye-bye man

[24:49] turns up nothing.

[24:50] And he's using a search engine

[24:51] that just says search

[24:53] as the name of the search engine.

[24:55] It is the most hilariously

[24:57] generic search engine

[24:58] in the history

[24:59] of generic search engines

[25:00] in movies.

[25:00] The thing about it is,

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] even if there were

[25:03] no direct relations,

[25:05] there would be things

[25:06] that are similar.

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] The words bye-bye

[25:09] and man will show up.

Stuart Wellington

[25:10] And when he's typing

[25:11] in bye-bye man,

[25:12] before you get excited,

[25:14] Dan,

[25:14] he doesn't consider

[25:15] doing bye-bye man feet.

[25:17] Okay.

[25:18] Even though that's the

[25:19] second most often searched

[25:21] bye-bye man search.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] There's,

[25:24] here's the thing

[25:25] about the bye-bye man too.

[25:26] And as Stuart brings up,

[25:28] that grouping of words

[25:29] would come up

[25:30] somewhere on the internet.

[25:31] But does it count

[25:32] if someone just goes like,

[25:33] hey, bye-bye man,

[25:34] just saying goodbye to you?

[25:36] Because that,

[25:37] you wouldn't take from that

[25:38] that that refers to a person

Dan McCoy

[25:40] or a ghoul.

[25:40] Yeah,

[25:41] imagining like the bye-bye man

[25:42] at home,

[25:42] like hearing that

[25:43] and being like,

[25:44] oh,

[25:44] oh no.

[25:45] It's the scene

Stuart Wellington

[25:47] from fucking Labyrinth

[25:48] where the goblins

[25:48] are all sitting around

[25:49] being like,

[25:49] did she say it?

Elliott Kalan

[25:52] He's just kicking back

[25:53] at home reading,

[25:54] I assume,

[25:54] The New Yorker.

[25:55] And he goes,

[25:56] ah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:57] Scratching his accessory

[25:58] on the top of its

Elliott Kalan

[25:59] like bloody flesh head.

[26:01] Yeah,

[26:02] because it's a dog.

[26:03] But anyway,

[26:03] he looks into the library's

[26:05] dead file

[26:05] and finds that

[26:06] there's a newspaper.

Stuart Wellington

[26:07] Do you remember

[26:08] which dead file

[26:09] that was, Elliot?

[26:10] I don't remember.

[26:11] 69.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] Was it really?

[26:13] Ugh,

[26:14] come on.

[26:15] And he finds

[26:16] a newspaper article

[26:17] that never,

[26:18] that was,

[26:19] before it was published,

[26:20] had references

[26:21] to the bye-bye man

[26:22] and those were edited out.

Stuart Wellington

[26:22] And he's getting help

[26:23] from a local librarian,

[26:24] from a friendly librarian,

[26:25] Mrs. Watkins.

[26:26] Mrs. Watkins,

Elliott Kalan

[26:26] who is hilarious

[26:27] and it's like,

[26:28] She's great.

[26:29] She's so good.

[26:30] She is fantastic

[26:31] and there's also the fact

[26:32] that they're like,

[26:33] he's like,

[26:33] they're in the library.

[26:34] He knows that if you learn

[26:35] the bye-bye man's identity,

[26:36] something terrible happens.

[26:37] He doesn't know everything

[26:37] but he's like,

[26:38] she's like,

[26:39] what are you looking for?

[26:39] He's like,

[26:39] I'm looking for the bye-bye man.

[26:41] The bye-bye man!

[26:42] And like,

[26:42] this librarian talks too loudly

[26:44] and also like,

[26:46] just people studying

[26:47] are going to be like,

[26:47] what,

[26:47] bye-bye man?

[26:49] She's like,

[26:50] what part of the Dewey Decimal System

[26:51] is the bye-bye man?

[26:53] The girlfriend also,

[26:54] she goes to the florist.

[26:55] Sasha, yeah.

[26:56] Sasha,

[26:56] I don't remember why

[26:57] and the florist tells her,

[26:58] you have a weird...

Stuart Wellington

[26:59] Because he's the guy

[26:59] who owns the house

[27:01] that's,

Elliott Kalan

[27:01] he's renting the house.

[27:02] Oh, that's right.

[27:03] He owns the house

[27:03] and the florist says,

[27:04] oh,

[27:04] and she tells him,

[27:05] you have a weird house

[27:06] and she's in a greenhouse

[27:10] but she feels cold.

[27:11] That doesn't make sense.

[27:13] And it feels like,

[27:13] this is a note I made to myself

[27:14] that every scene is,

[27:15] this editing works like this.

[27:17] Long filler,

[27:18] just kind of like

[27:19] aimless conversation

[27:20] and then something happens

[27:21] and they cut away instantly

[27:22] to the next scene.

[27:24] I guess they're trying to go,

[27:25] they're trying to keep you

[27:26] guessing each time

[27:27] but it doesn't quite work.

[27:28] John is in class

[27:29] and he finds creepy pictures

[27:30] of the bye-bye man

[27:31] on his phone.

[27:32] That move!

[27:33] Ah!

Stuart Wellington

[27:33] This would be scarier.

[27:35] That new iPhone,

[27:36] like the new iPhone camera thing

[27:38] where they like

[27:39] move like a couple inches.

[27:41] Yeah,

[27:41] the thing that I can never

Dan McCoy

[27:42] quite figure out

[27:43] how to turn off.

Stuart Wellington

[27:44] Because it's the default setting.

[27:45] Yeah,

[27:46] and you're like,

[27:46] what am I looking at

[27:47] a fucking Harry Potter newspaper?

[27:49] It's like every time,

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] I like using those for my son

[27:51] because I can catch

[27:51] a little bit of his movement

[27:52] but then I'm like,

[27:53] did I just trap his soul?

[27:56] Yeah.

[27:56] Is it here in the phantom zone?

[27:59] So Elliot's talking

[28:00] about the librarian.

[28:00] Turns out there were

[28:01] some murders in the 60s.

[28:02] We saw them in the prologue.

[28:04] The man who did the murdering

[28:05] was a reporter

[28:06] who covered the killing

[28:07] by...

[28:08] The bye-bye man beat.

[28:09] He was the bye-bye man.

[28:10] Oh, it's the worst beat

[28:11] because your articles can't run

[28:13] because otherwise people

[28:13] learn about the bye-bye man.

Dan McCoy

[28:15] Oh, we've got bad news, buddy.

[28:16] We're killing your article again.

Stuart Wellington

[28:18] Bad news, buddy.

[28:20] You're going bye-bye

[28:21] off the bye-bye man beat.

Elliott Kalan

[28:22] You're going as bye-bye

[28:23] as the man named for it.

[28:25] It's the sequel,

[28:26] the bad news, buddy.

[28:28] The bye-bye bears.

[28:30] Yeah.

[28:31] The bye-bye man to

[28:33] the bad news, buddy.

[28:35] And the newspaper motto

[28:37] is all the news

[28:37] that's fit to print

[28:38] unless it involves

[28:39] the bye-bye man.

[28:40] But it's right there

[28:41] on the front of the newspaper.

[28:43] This reporter,

[28:44] this guy who committed

[28:45] the murders

[28:46] that we saw in the beginning,

[28:47] he was a reporter

[28:48] who was covering the story

[28:49] of a teenager

[28:50] who killed his parents

[28:51] and blamed the bye-bye man

[28:52] for it.

[28:53] And the reporter found out

[28:54] about the bye-bye man

[28:55] and I told people like this.

[28:56] And he's like,

[28:56] is bye-bye man

[28:56] a heavy metal group?

[28:58] And we go,

[28:59] we go to a flashback

[29:02] of the reporter

[29:02] narrowly misses

[29:04] killing his wife.

[29:05] He won't tell his wife

[29:06] what this is all about

[29:07] even though he's written

[29:07] don't think it,

[29:09] don't say it

[29:09] all over the walls.

[29:10] And then the bye-bye man

[29:11] comes in

[29:12] and he maybe

[29:13] kills somebody else

[29:14] and he drinks

[29:15] clean to kill himself.

Stuart Wellington

[29:17] It cuts to the scene

[29:20] from the opening.

[29:21] Yes.

[29:21] So like it finishes

[29:22] that opening sequence

[29:23] where he chases

[29:24] the two people down

[29:25] who knew the name.

[29:27] He kills them

[29:27] and then he drinks what?

[29:29] Like drain cleaner

[29:29] or something?

Elliott Kalan

[29:30] And he spits up blood

[29:31] and it's real gross.

[29:33] And then the librarian

[29:35] essentially

[29:36] kind of makes up

[29:38] out of whole cloth

[29:39] the idea of erasing

[29:40] the bye-bye man's memory

[29:41] to keep him away.

[29:42] She just kind of

[29:43] stumbles on that

[29:44] like the discovery

[29:47] of penicillin.

[29:48] She just accidentally

[29:48] stumbles into this

[29:50] way of curing

[29:51] the bye-bye man.

[29:53] And she finds that

[29:55] he's been writing

[29:56] bye-bye man

[29:58] all over his notebook

[29:59] without realizing it.

[30:00] Oh no,

[30:00] on the table,

[30:01] I think.

[30:01] Well maybe that's

[30:02] how it happened.

[30:02] And she goes

[30:03] and the bye-bye man's

[30:04] in the library.

[30:05] Well she notices

[30:06] the original carving.

[30:07] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[30:07] what the kid's doing

[30:09] is he's taken

[30:10] the original article

[30:11] and he's been

[30:12] scratching out

[30:13] the name

[30:13] bye-bye man

[30:14] and each time

[30:15] he scratches out

[30:15] a name

[30:16] the bye-bye man

[30:18] gets closer to him.

[30:18] Oh right.

[30:19] And when he's like

[30:19] right about to grab him

[30:21] she's like

Elliott Kalan

[30:22] Oh that's right.

[30:23] You're ruining

[30:24] library property.

[30:25] Yeah.

[30:26] Get out of here.

[30:27] Bye-bye man.

[30:29] And he's like

[30:29] wait are you

[30:30] referring to the

[30:31] I was just saying

[30:32] bye-bye to you

[30:33] a man.

[30:35] He snaps those.

[30:36] Yeah,

[30:36] I guess that's where

[30:37] the carving in the table

[30:38] comes from.

[30:38] You go into a fugue state

[30:39] and you start writing

[30:40] the bye-bye man's name

[30:41] or trying to erase him

[30:42] or some shit.

[30:43] Anyway,

[30:44] he sees John

[30:45] and Sasha

[30:45] in the parking lot

[30:46] spies them

[30:47] through a shop window.

[30:48] The bye-bye man

[30:48] appears in the glass.

[30:49] The glass cracks.

[30:51] That's so stupid.

[30:52] Elliot gets to the

[30:53] seance girl.

[30:54] She says they have to

[30:54] stop the bye-bye man

[30:55] but they're driving

[30:56] in a car

[30:57] and she has a butcher

[30:57] knife in her bag.

[30:59] She hallucinates

[31:00] that there are car crash

[31:01] victims who need help

[31:02] on some train tracks.

[31:03] It's a hammer.

[31:03] It's not a butcher knife.

[31:04] Oh it's a hammer.

[31:04] It's not a butcher knife.

[31:05] It's a hammer.

[31:05] And she gets lured

[31:06] onto the train tracks

[31:07] and then a train kills her.

[31:08] And you're like

[31:09] wait a minute

[31:09] bye-bye man.

[31:10] Are you,

[31:11] did you subcontract

[31:11] this out to

[31:12] Final Destination?

[31:15] But it turns out,

[31:16] we find out later

[31:17] that she has already

[31:19] killed her roommate

[31:20] with that hammer

[31:21] and she was intending

[31:21] to kill him and the others

[31:22] to erase the bye-bye man's memory.

[31:25] Carrie Ann Moss shows up.

[31:26] She's one of the two

[31:27] movie stars in the movie.

[31:28] Oh right, yeah.

[31:28] She's a police woman

[31:29] and they think

[31:30] that he was chasing her

[31:32] with the hammer

[31:33] and she was running away

[31:34] in terror

[31:35] and then got hit by a car

[31:36] by the train.

[31:37] And he's like

[31:37] no, no, no.

[31:39] We, the audience,

[31:39] know that she killed

[31:40] her roommate

[31:40] and was going to kill him too.

[31:42] And John hallucinates

[31:43] that Carrie Ann Moss

[31:43] is winking at him

[31:44] which, later on,

[31:46] which doesn't really

[31:46] turn into anything.

[31:47] It's weird that the bye-bye man

[31:48] is like, Elliot,

[31:50] I'm giving you

[31:50] the crazy murder hallucinations.

[31:53] John, I'm going to make you

[31:54] think everyone's

[31:55] super into you.

Dan McCoy

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:57] Create some social embarrassment

[31:59] by you think

[32:00] that she's coming on to you

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] and then you're going to be like,

[32:02] are you into it?

[32:03] Like, could you?

[32:04] I mean, you came on to me.

[32:05] It'll be very awkward.

[32:06] Yeah.

[32:07] It'll just be like

[32:07] that Timothy Zahn novel

[32:09] where aliens

[32:11] are at war with humans

[32:12] and both side thinks

[32:13] the other one's shot first.

[32:14] And it turns out

[32:15] the human communication beam

[32:18] they sent

[32:18] kills the aliens

[32:20] and they didn't know it.

[32:21] So the aliens think

[32:21] this communication

[32:22] was the first attack

[32:23] but the humans think

[32:24] the aliens' retaliation

[32:25] was the first attack.

[32:26] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[32:27] Is that a part

[32:28] of the Thrawn trilogy?

Elliott Kalan

[32:29] No, it's not Star Wars related.

[32:31] It's a different series.

[32:33] But this is kind of like that

[32:34] but with sex.

[32:35] Where now he's going to

[32:36] come on to her

[32:36] and she's going to be like,

[32:37] this is weird.

[32:38] Are you coming on to me?

[32:39] And he's going to be like,

[32:39] yeah, but only because

[32:40] you came on to me.

[32:41] And she's like, what?

[32:42] And the bye-bye man's like,

[32:43] did it again.

[32:45] Let's see you extricate yourself

[32:46] from this one, John.

Stuart Wellington

[32:47] I'll just set up the dominoes

[32:48] and watch them fall.

Elliott Kalan

[32:51] And Sasha hallucinates

[32:53] that Carrie Ann Moss

[32:53] is bleeding from her eyes and mouth.

[32:55] She's getting the horror stuff too.

Stuart Wellington

[32:55] She gets like a mix.

[32:56] Like she gets that

[32:57] and she also gets the

[32:58] you're sick.

[32:59] Yeah, yeah.

[33:00] Which I'm assuming

[33:01] is bye-bye man related

[33:02] and not just like,

[33:03] oh man, that's too bad

[33:04] she's got the flu.

[33:05] Bye-bye man has a lot of tools

[33:06] in his toolbox.

[33:08] And don't go to the same one

Elliott Kalan

[33:10] all the time.

[33:10] No, exactly.

[33:12] Ellie gets taken in

[33:13] for questioning.

[33:14] But it turns out

[33:14] the seance girl

[33:15] wrote a suicide note

[33:16] taking the blame

[33:16] for killing everyone

[33:17] so she's off the hook.

[33:18] She wanted to end

[33:19] the bye-bye man

[33:20] and Carrie Ann Moss

[33:21] is like,

[33:21] tell me what happened.

[33:23] if I explain this to you,

[33:25] you're gonna die.

[33:26] And he won't tell his brother

[33:26] about it either.

[33:27] And he goes home

[33:28] and he finds John and Sasha

[33:30] doing it.

[33:31] Bum, bum, bum.

[33:32] What?

[33:33] Making him wear

Stuart Wellington

[33:34] the cuckold's horns?

Elliott Kalan

[33:36] Yep, indeed.

[33:38] And unlike the cucks

[33:39] you see on the internet,

[33:40] he is not into this.

[33:41] It turns out

[33:42] it's just a hallucination

[33:43] but he only learns that

[33:45] after he hits John

[33:46] with a baseball bat.

[33:47] Miss Watkins

[33:48] then calls Elliot

[33:49] about her bye-bye man thoughts.

[33:51] Hey, we need to talk about this

[33:52] and that's when we see

[33:53] she's stabbed her entire family

[33:55] to death.

Stuart Wellington

[33:55] Oh, I love that phone call

[33:57] where she's like,

[33:59] Elliot?

[34:00] I've been having

[34:00] some weird thoughts

[34:02] about that bye-bye man.

[34:06] Her line delivery

[34:07] is so great.

[34:08] I don't know the name

Elliott Kalan

[34:09] of the actress

[34:09] who plays Miss Watkins

[34:10] but it's like,

[34:11] they're like,

[34:11] have you ever seen

[34:12] those Chunky Soup commercials

[34:13] where the football player's mom

[34:15] is trying to get him

[34:15] to play the Chunky Soup?

[34:17] Play it like that character.

[34:18] Oh, you mean like

[34:19] in the Snackwells commercials

[34:20] where the woman says,

[34:20] hello, Cookie Man?

[34:22] Yes, exactly.

[34:23] That's the character

[34:24] we're going for.

Stuart Wellington

[34:24] Like, that feels racist

[34:26] but I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[34:29] Yeah, she's awesome in this.

[34:30] She's, I mean,

[34:31] she's the breakout star

[34:32] of the movie

[34:33] as far as I get started.

[34:34] She's, I don't,

[34:34] her character hurts

[34:35] the horror-ness

[34:36] of the movie

[34:37] but she's so entertaining

[34:38] to watch.

[34:39] Like, she's bringing

[34:40] a spin to it

[34:41] whereas Elliot

[34:41] just kind of comes off

[34:42] as your direct-to-video version

[34:44] of what's-his-name

[34:45] from Mr. Robot.

Stuart Wellington

[34:47] A lot of these.

[34:48] Like, can we get a whiter,

[34:49] boringer, Rami Malek, please?

Elliott Kalan

[34:51] Can we get like

[34:52] an even paler Dane DeHaan

[34:53] or something?

Dan McCoy

[34:54] These like PG-13 movies

[34:55] have like,

[34:56] just real like,

[34:57] teenage mopes.

[34:58] Like, that's the only way

[35:00] I can describe them.

[35:00] It's like,

[35:01] a crew of teenage mopes

[35:03] and there's nothing

[35:05] charismatic about any of them.

[35:07] They're just

[35:07] fodder for the canon.

[35:09] You just,

Elliott Kalan

[35:09] you want more of what,

[35:10] like an Archie Andrews,

[35:11] America's Favorite Teen?

[35:13] Like a Jughead?

[35:14] I want a Jughead.

Dan McCoy

[35:15] I mean,

[35:15] the Jughead's got the personality

[35:17] and by personality

[35:18] I mean he likes burgers.

[35:19] He likes burgers,

[35:20] doesn't like girls,

Elliott Kalan

[35:21] wears an inside out hat

[35:23] that looks like a crown.

Dan McCoy

[35:23] Yep.

[35:24] What else,

[35:25] what more do you want

[35:25] from a character?

Elliott Kalan

[35:26] Much like Huey Lewis,

[35:27] you want a new Jughead.

[35:30] Okay.

[35:31] Because he had that song,

[35:32] I want a new drug.

[35:33] Such a reach.

[35:33] It was so,

[35:35] such a hard reach,

[35:36] but yeah.

[35:36] Fucking Stretch Armstrong

[35:37] over here.

[35:40] Anyway,

[35:41] Elliot sees

[35:41] a note from Sasha

[35:44] that the nightstand

[35:45] that they found

[35:46] the carving in

[35:47] belonged to the reporter

[35:48] who murdered all those people.

[35:50] Bum, bum, bum.

[35:51] It's not the house

[35:51] that's haunted.

[35:52] It's the nightstand.

[35:53] Dan,

[35:54] the calls are coming

[35:54] from inside the nightstand.

Dan McCoy

[35:56] I guess put that nightstand

[35:57] out on the curb.

Elliott Kalan

[35:58] Well,

[35:59] he does the next best thing.

[36:00] He hurls it into the woods

[36:00] behind the house.

[36:02] Yep.

[36:03] From once it came.

[36:04] And he goes to

[36:05] the Widow Redman's house.

[36:07] Why didn't he fucking

[36:07] burn the stupid nightstand?

[36:09] Yeah,

[36:09] good question,

[36:10] Stuart.

[36:11] He should have.

[36:13] Elliot goes to-

[36:14] Well,

[36:14] the local zoning

[36:14] doesn't allow for it.

[36:16] Yeah,

[36:16] they must have-

[36:17] bonfires,

[36:18] dude.

[36:18] Yeah.

[36:19] He was going to

[36:19] and then he reread

[36:20] the renter's agreement

[36:21] and said,

[36:21] please do not use the fireplace.

[36:23] It is ornamental only.

[36:24] Yeah.

[36:24] He was like,

[36:25] oh,

Stuart Wellington

[36:25] man.

[36:26] I guess I'll just

[36:26] throw this in the creek

[36:27] so that crawdads

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] can get dreams

[36:30] of the bye-bye man.

[36:32] Hopefully,

[36:32] there'll just be some

[36:33] fish will see it

[36:34] instead of killing people

[36:35] and just go crazy

[36:36] and start giving out blowjobs.

[36:40] And the prophecy

[36:41] of the shower curtain.

[36:42] Why are you blaming

Stuart Wellington

[36:43] the fish for this, Elliot?

[36:44] Why are you calling

[36:44] the fish crazy?

[36:45] No,

Elliott Kalan

[36:46] good point,

[36:46] good point.

[36:47] There's a power dynamic

[36:48] between the fisherman

[36:49] and the fish

[36:49] that we don't know about,

[36:50] especially in today's climate.

[36:52] I shouldn't blame the fish.

[36:54] I shouldn't slut shame the fish

[36:56] when he,

[36:57] you know what?

[36:58] The fish,

[36:58] I'm sorry,

[36:59] I apologize.

[36:59] Thank you.

[37:00] Elliot goes to the house

[37:01] of the widow of the reporter

[37:02] played by Faye Dunaway,

[37:04] who you may know from

[37:05] No kidding.

[37:06] other many great movies.

Stuart Wellington

[37:08] Watching this movie

[37:09] drunk on my iPad,

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] I didn't recognize her.

[37:13] I mean,

[37:13] she is,

[37:14] I haven't seen her

[37:14] in movies in a while

[37:15] and she has aged,

[37:16] you know.

[37:16] Okay.

[37:17] As we all do.

[37:18] I wouldn't have known

[37:19] it was her.

[37:19] As we all do.

Stuart Wellington

[37:20] No,

[37:21] stop wicking at me, Dan.

[37:22] Not me.

Elliott Kalan

[37:22] You said I look good

[37:23] for my age earlier.

[37:25] I got this magic painting

[37:26] and I put it up in the attic

[37:28] and it does not look good.

[37:29] This is not going to end well for you.

[37:30] But I'm looking boyish.

[37:31] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[37:33] Every time you order Popeyes,

[37:34] the painting shakes its head.

Elliott Kalan

[37:37] And she goes,

[37:38] whoa, whoa.

[37:40] She tells the story

[37:41] of how her husband

[37:42] was driven mad

[37:42] by the Bye Bye Man story,

[37:44] but he never told her

[37:45] what it was.

[37:46] This is the flashback

[37:46] where he refuses

[37:47] to tell her what it is.

[37:49] And apparently,

[37:50] you know it's coming,

[37:51] the Bye Bye Man's coming for you

[37:51] when you see the coins

[37:53] and you hear his hound

[37:54] and the train

[37:55] does not get mentioned.

[37:56] But while he's hanging out

[37:57] with Faye Dunaway,

[37:57] the train goes by.

[37:59] And this is where

[37:59] I started realizing

[38:00] that Bye Bye Man

[38:00] is super complicated.

[38:02] Okay.

[38:03] First,

[38:04] you learn his name.

[38:05] Then,

[38:06] you find a gold coin.

[38:08] Then,

[38:08] you hear a spooky train.

[38:10] Okay.

[38:10] And then eventually,

[38:11] a big dog comes to get you.

[38:12] He's got so much going on

[38:14] and I had to imagine

[38:16] a little scenario

[38:17] where a certain

[38:19] elder statesman

[38:19] of the slasher genre,

[38:21] one Dr. Frederick R.

[38:22] Kruger,

[38:23] took him into his office

[38:25] just to let him know,

[38:26] hey,

[38:28] you got too much going on.

[38:29] Let's look at what I got,

[38:31] bitch.

[38:31] So,

[38:32] I was killed by parents

[38:34] so I come back

[38:35] and I kill their kids

[38:37] in their dreams.

[38:38] Now,

[38:38] it's a little out there.

[38:39] How do I travel

[38:40] through the dreams?

[38:40] Don't want to talk about it.

[38:41] But it's just the one thing.

[38:43] And the Bye Bye Man's like,

[38:44] yeah,

[38:44] but you have that

[38:45] finger knife glove?

[38:46] Yeah,

[38:46] but that's my one

[38:47] weapon.

[38:49] You got the coins,

[38:51] you got the dog,

[38:52] you got the train,

[38:52] and you got the hallucinations,

[38:55] which are sometimes scary

[38:56] and sometimes sexy.

[38:57] You got to choose,

[38:58] bud.

[38:59] These could all be great

[39:00] on their own,

[39:00] but you're just overloaded.

[39:01] The concept,

[39:02] you got too many concepts

[39:03] going on here,

[39:04] dog.

[39:04] Too many concepts.

Stuart Wellington

[39:05] You're basically like

[39:06] a boring The Ring,

[39:08] right?

[39:09] Like,

[39:09] Freddie likes The Ring,

[39:11] I bet.

[39:11] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[39:11] I bet Freddie loves it.

[39:12] Yeah,

[39:13] he spooks him every time.

[39:14] Yeah.

[39:14] And every time

[39:15] Freddie watches The Ring

[39:16] and then he's like,

[39:17] oh,

[39:18] I don't get that call.

[39:20] He always turns,

[39:21] looks to the phone,

[39:21] just a little creeped out.

[39:22] Or like when Freddie

[39:23] saw It Follows

[39:24] and he was like,

[39:25] oh,

[39:25] I'm not going to be able

[39:25] to sleep for a week.

[39:26] I'm going to always think

[39:27] there's an It Follows

Stuart Wellington

[39:28] behind me.

[39:28] Yeah.

[39:29] Now the shoe's

[39:30] on the teen's foot.

[39:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:31] It's like when Freddie

[39:32] was terrified of Dokken.

[39:33] It was Dokken,

[39:34] right?

[39:35] It was Dokken,

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] yeah.

[39:35] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] who were those guys?

[39:37] Or when Freddie

[39:38] and Jason went

[39:39] to go see The Witch

[39:40] and Freddie was like,

[39:41] that was,

[39:42] just the atmosphere

[39:42] was creepy.

[39:43] I mean,

[39:44] and what it's saying

[39:44] about religion

[39:45] and Jason was like,

[39:46] hmm,

[39:46] like he just shrugged

[39:47] his shoulders

[39:47] because he can't talk.

Dan McCoy

[39:49] Jason's like,

[39:50] yeah,

[39:50] but in his head

[39:51] he's like,

[39:52] these A24 films,

[39:53] I find the advertising

[39:55] misleading.

Elliott Kalan

[39:57] And Freddie,

[39:58] because he's going to

[39:58] read minds,

[39:59] I guess,

[39:59] was like,

[39:59] fair point,

[40:00] fair point.

[40:01] It was more about

[40:02] atmosphere than like,

[40:02] just pure scares.

[40:04] But they discussed

[40:04] this over a malted

[40:05] down at Pop's

[40:06] chocolate shop.

[40:07] Two straws?

[40:08] Yeah,

[40:09] two straws

[40:09] coming out of the one.

[40:10] The one straw

[40:10] just goes through

[40:11] the holes in Jason's

[40:11] hockey mask.

[40:12] Yeah,

[40:13] he likes malteds.

[40:14] And then later

[40:15] they just kind of like,

[40:16] I mean,

[40:16] they're married,

[40:17] right?

[40:17] So they just

[40:18] crawled into bed

[40:19] in their full body pajamas.

[40:20] Freddie versus Jason,

[40:21] that was their

[40:22] divorce proceeding.

[40:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:24] They got in a big fight

[40:25] while summering

[40:26] in Fire Island

[40:27] with the Babadook

[40:28] and Pennywise.

Elliott Kalan

[40:31] Are the Babadook

[40:32] and Pennywise

[40:33] in a relationship?

[40:34] Yeah.

[40:34] Or the Babadook

[40:35] were just on the cruise,

[40:36] like just cruising

[40:37] on Fire Island.

Stuart Wellington

[40:38] No,

[40:38] they're,

[40:39] I mean,

[40:39] they're prominent

[40:40] LGBTQ icons,

[40:42] right?

[40:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:43] And then every now

[40:44] and then

[40:44] they'd run into

[40:45] Jigsaw.

[40:46] And it would be awkward

[40:46] because Jigsaw

[40:48] used to have a thing.

[40:49] Sure.

[40:49] It wasn't like

[40:50] what you call

[40:50] a relationship,

[40:51] but it was like

[40:51] a regular summer fling.

[40:53] He's just,

Stuart Wellington

[40:54] you know,

[40:54] Pennywise is over games.

[40:56] Tired of games.

[40:58] Who is it?

[40:59] That's what he likes

[40:59] about the Babadook

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] because the Babadook

[41:00] will just come right out,

[41:01] put his feelings

[41:02] in a pop-up book

[41:03] and give it to you.

[41:04] He's not about

[41:05] hiding things,

[41:05] you know?

[41:08] And now I imagine

[41:09] Pennywise is at home

[41:10] and he gets a phone call

[41:12] and he just hears,

[41:13] Baba,

[41:14] Baba,

[41:15] Duke,

[41:15] Duke, Duke.

[41:17] He goes,

[41:17] hi honey,

[41:17] coming home.

[41:19] There's something

[41:20] sweet about that.

[41:21] I like that all these

[41:22] movie monsters

[41:22] have found love.

[41:24] Anyway,

[41:26] she,

[41:27] so Faye Dunaway

[41:27] is like,

[41:28] well,

[41:28] the only way

[41:29] to solve this

[41:30] is for you

[41:30] to kill everybody

[41:31] and then kill yourself.

[41:32] And he realizes that

[41:33] and this is something

[41:34] again that he's

[41:34] kind of making up

[41:35] as he goes along

[41:36] stumbling through it.

[41:38] And she hands him a gun.

[41:39] And she hands him a gun

[41:39] and says kill him.

[41:41] He realizes,

[41:42] hey,

[41:42] the Bye Bye Man's power

[41:43] is based on fear

[41:44] and the more you fear him,

[41:45] the stronger he gets.

[41:47] There has been nothing

[41:48] to suggest this

[41:49] the entire movie.

[41:50] Nope.

[41:50] Suddenly,

[41:51] Faye Dunaway

[41:51] catches on fire

[41:52] and he realizes

[41:56] it's a hallucination

[41:57] and he shakes it off.

[41:58] He's like,

Stuart Wellington

[41:59] this terrible special effects

[42:01] is clearly a hallucination.

Elliott Kalan

[42:02] The fact that it looks like

[42:03] they had a hand-drawn

[42:04] animated fire

[42:05] applied over her

[42:06] makes him say,

Dan McCoy

[42:08] you gotta try a little harder.

[42:09] It'd be like House 2

[42:10] or something

[42:10] if they just animated

[42:11] fire over her.

[42:12] That would have been fantastic.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] I mean,

[42:14] the fire was

[42:14] one step above

[42:16] that blowtorch

[42:17] in pass through.

Elliott Kalan

[42:22] He hallucinates.

[42:23] He goes,

[42:24] I gotta get home

[42:24] and save everybody.

[42:25] As he's driving,

[42:26] he hallucinates

[42:27] that he's about to hit

[42:27] someone with his car

[42:28] and he goes,

[42:28] no,

[42:29] I'm not gonna believe you,

[42:30] Which,

[42:31] for one thing,

[42:32] he's taking a huge risk

[42:33] right here.

[42:33] Yeah.

[42:34] Because it's not like

[42:35] a monster's in the road.

[42:36] It's just a regular person.

[42:37] And it would,

[42:38] how much does he lose

[42:39] if he swerves around

[42:40] this hallucination?

[42:41] Nothing.

[42:43] Take Pascal's wager

[42:44] on this one, dude.

[42:45] Just assume it's real

[42:47] and you'll be better off.

[42:48] But instead,

[42:48] he goes right

[42:49] through the hallucination.

[42:50] He's like,

[42:50] yeah,

[42:50] I beat you.

[42:51] And then immediately

[42:51] hits Miss Watkins,

[42:52] who has been walking

[42:53] down the middle of the road

[42:54] with a butcher knife

[42:55] in her hand.

[42:55] because apparently

[42:56] has driven her

[42:57] into a stupor

[42:57] where she cannot drive

[42:58] and must walk the roads.

[43:01] Sure.

[43:01] But she deserves it again

[43:03] because she murdered

[43:03] her whole family.

[43:04] Yep.

[43:05] And for the greater good.

Stuart Wellington

[43:06] Yeah,

[43:06] there's a decent gore shot.

[43:09] Don't we see like

[43:09] the back of her head

[43:10] has been knocked off

[43:11] when she got hit by the car?

[43:12] Do we?

[43:12] I don't remember that.

[43:13] I think so.

Dan McCoy

[43:14] This is the point

[43:15] at which you started

[43:15] hallucinating

[43:16] because you lost

[43:17] the last third

[43:18] of this movie

Elliott Kalan

[43:19] last night.

[43:21] Back at home

[43:22] at the house,

[43:23] Sasha hallucinates

[43:24] that John is Elliot

[43:25] and is threatening her

[43:26] and John hallucinates

[43:27] that Sasha

[43:27] is the bloody dead

[43:28] sans.

[43:29] Oh no,

[43:29] not threatening her.

[43:30] She hallucinates

[43:31] that it's Elliot

[43:31] and that he's backing away

[43:32] and won't come near

[43:32] and she's like,

[43:33] why won't you?

[43:33] Come on,

[43:34] where are you going?

[43:35] And John hallucinates

[43:36] that she is

[43:37] the dead sans girl

[43:38] with blood all over her

[43:39] and he's like,

[43:39] no,

[43:40] get away,

[43:40] get away.

[43:41] And Elliot gets

[43:42] back too late

[43:43] to stop John

[43:44] from stabbing Sasha

[43:45] in the face

[43:45] and he shoots him

[43:47] and it turns out,

[43:48] no,

[43:49] he was hallucinating.

[43:50] He shot Sasha

[43:51] who was stabbing

[43:52] John in the face.

[43:54] They were hilarious

[43:55] to make that.

[43:56] Yeah,

[43:57] and Elliot's like,

[43:58] oh,

[43:58] we're gonna laugh

[43:59] about this later

[43:59] but I don't feel

[44:00] so great right now.

[44:02] And so far,

[44:03] this was the point

[44:05] where I was like,

[44:06] is really effective

[44:07] at erasing everyone

[44:08] who's heard

[44:08] of the Bye Bye Man.

[44:09] Like,

[44:10] he better hope

[44:11] that he's got

[44:12] some trick up his sleeves

[44:13] that he can get,

[44:14] I guess the night table

[44:15] is always his backdoor plan

[44:17] to keep things going.

[44:19] That's when a CGI

[44:20] monster dog

[44:21] walks out

[44:22] and then just leaves.

[44:24] Hey,

[44:24] how's it going?

[44:25] I'm just passing through.

[44:25] Doesn't it like

[44:26] eat a face?

[44:27] Yeah,

[44:27] it's,

[44:27] it likes to eat faces.

[44:28] The story seems to be

[44:29] that the Bye Bye Man

[44:30] kills people

[44:31] to feed this dog

[44:32] which again,

[44:33] Freddy's like,

[44:33] oh right,

[44:34] That's,

[44:35] it seems like

[44:36] a weird motivation.

Stuart Wellington

[44:37] Let's pump the air brakes

[44:39] on this train.

Dan McCoy

[44:40] Don't get me wrong,

[44:41] I like the killing people

[44:43] part of it

[44:43] but there is

[44:45] commercially available

[44:46] dog food.

[44:47] you could.

Stuart Wellington

[44:49] I get it,

[44:49] there's no blood

[44:50] on your hands,

[44:51] You didn't kill anybody,

Elliott Kalan

[44:52] that's great.

[44:52] Yeah,

[44:53] yeah,

[44:53] you just maneuvered it

[44:54] and then the dog,

[44:54] I guess,

[44:55] takes the fall

[44:55] if you ever need him to.

[44:57] Where did you get this?

[44:58] You're the ghost

Stuart Wellington

[44:58] of Rube Goldberg,

[44:59] I get it.

[45:01] Rube Ghostberg.

[45:04] You're the ghost

[45:05] of the guy

[45:06] who invented

[45:06] the mousetrap board game

[45:07] who died a pauper.

[45:09] That was based

[45:09] on Rube Goldberg stuff.

[45:11] Oh.

[45:13] I mean,

[45:13] of course it was.

[45:14] Yeah,

[45:14] it's a complete

Elliott Kalan

[45:16] exact idea.

[45:18] There's this dog,

[45:19] it's not even like,

[45:20] it's like,

[45:20] where'd this hound

[45:21] come from?

[45:21] What's going on?

[45:22] I don't need everything

[45:23] to be explained.

[45:23] It's like Cerberus, dude.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] Okay,

[45:25] good point.

Elliott Kalan

[45:26] Right?

[45:26] No,

[45:26] it is,

[45:27] it's like a hellhound.

[45:27] And he's like Charon.

[45:29] But it's like,

[45:29] the dog comes in so late,

[45:31] before that,

[45:32] most of what you've seen

[45:33] is just claw marks

[45:34] showing up at places.

[45:35] Yeah.

[45:35] I'd almost rather,

[45:36] the Bye Bye Bye Man

[45:37] was just a dog.

[45:38] Yeah.

[45:39] Like,

[45:39] just call it the Bye Bye Dog.

[45:41] Mm-hmm.

[45:42] oh,

[45:42] it's this evil dog

[45:43] with mind powers.

[45:44] It's part of the Air Bud series.

[45:45] Part of the,

[45:46] just know,

[45:46] there's nothing in the rule book

[45:47] that says a dog

[45:47] can't kill people

[45:48] with hallucinations.

[45:49] And maybe he can teleport

[45:50] like Lockjaw.

[45:52] He's a big dog.

[45:54] There's,

[45:55] everything's terrible.

[45:56] The Bye Bye Man appears

[45:56] and he points at Elliot

[45:57] who hallucinates

[45:59] his brother's family.

[46:00] But they're right outside,

[46:02] outside the door

[46:02] and Elliot won't let them in.

[46:04] And the Bye Bye Bye Man

[46:04] tries to open the door

[46:05] for them because

[46:06] really all we've seen

[46:07] in physically

[46:08] interact with

[46:08] in this movie

[46:09] is doors.

[46:10] And a coin,

[46:10] maybe?

[46:11] I don't even know.

[46:12] Maybe he's touching that coin.

[46:13] Maybe the dog is.

Dan McCoy

[46:14] It seems a little unfair

[46:15] because like,

[46:16] the rest of the time,

[46:17] like,

[46:19] he does everything.

[46:21] Bye Bye the book?

[46:22] Yes.

[46:23] No,

[46:24] he does everything

[46:24] indirectly

[46:25] and like,

[46:26] and like,

Dan McCoy

[46:26] him suddenly like,

[46:27] trying to force

[46:28] like,

[46:28] a direct confrontation

[46:29] seems like,

[46:30] come on,

[46:31] Like,

[46:31] I thought your MO

[46:32] was,

[46:32] you know,

[46:33] like,

[46:34] just being the puppet master.

Elliott Kalan

[46:35] Just take your time,

[46:36] buddy.

[46:37] It'll work.

[46:37] It's so complicated,

[46:38] the scheme starts breaking out.

[46:40] come in my office again.

[46:42] Here's,

[46:43] here's when you know

[46:44] your motif is not working,

[46:46] when you gotta change up

[46:47] the rules

[46:47] at the last minute.

[46:48] Now,

[46:49] I never suddenly like,

[46:51] appear in the real world

[46:53] and then like,

[46:54] run for mayor.

[46:55] Yeah.

[46:55] You know why?

Stuart Wellington

[46:56] Because it doesn't,

[46:57] Right,

[46:57] because that's Batman Returns.

Elliott Kalan

[47:00] One,

[47:00] that's Batman Returns,

[47:01] classic flick,

[47:02] you gotta see it.

[47:04] But two,

[47:05] it's just not me,

[47:06] okay?

[47:06] It doesn't fit in.

[47:07] People would be like,

[47:07] wait a minute,

[47:08] I thought Freddy was a creature

[47:09] of the dream dimension.

[47:10] I mean,

[47:10] would it be great?

[47:11] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[47:11] could I affect a lot of change

[47:13] that way?

[47:13] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[47:14] That could help,

[47:15] and in fact,

[47:16] you know what?

[47:16] I could do a lot to help out

[47:17] monsters like you and me.

[47:18] In fact,

[47:18] yes,

[47:18] I will run.

[47:20] I'll be the first to admit,

Stuart Wellington

[47:21] I got some skeletons

[47:22] in my closet.

Elliott Kalan

[47:23] But hey,

[47:24] if Trump can make it to office,

[47:25] I'm feeling pretty good

[47:26] about my chances.

[47:27] That's the way

[47:28] I'm announcing my candidacy

[47:30] for mayor of Fire Island.

[47:35] Because for far too long,

[47:37] both the LGTBQM

[47:39] for Monster community.

Stuart Wellington

[47:41] I don't know if I like this.

[47:43] I don't know if I like that addition.

[47:44] That makes it weird.

Elliott Kalan

[47:48] All right.

[47:49] So Elliot's niece,

[47:52] whose little girl,

[47:52] runs off to use the bathroom

[47:53] while the brother waits outside.

[47:55] Bye-bye man slowly walks over

[47:58] and takes his hood off,

[47:59] revealing he just looks like some guy.

[48:01] Yeah.

[48:02] He's not spooky at all.

[48:03] He's not creepy or crazy or kooky.

[48:05] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[48:05] they tried to make him

[48:06] a little scary looking,

[48:07] but like,

[48:08] just make him a normal looking dude

[48:11] or make him actually scary looking.

[48:14] Don't put it,

[48:14] don't just make it halfway.

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] Don't try to halfway this,

[48:17] Yeah,

[48:17] like the maggots.

[48:18] Come on.

[48:19] Yeah,

[48:19] commit.

[48:20] Commit to the bit,

[48:22] And Elliot's like,

[48:24] bye-bye,

[48:25] And the brother's like,

[48:25] bye-bye what?

[48:26] Huh?

[48:27] Elliot shoots himself

[48:28] and the soul train speeds by.

[48:31] Vroom!

[48:32] Picking up another soul

[48:33] to be eaten by a monster dog.

[48:35] And also,

[48:36] so the monster dog eats the corpses,

[48:37] but is he also a ghost

[48:39] or is he a physical creature?

Stuart Wellington

[48:41] Does he chase after that train

[48:42] like a dog would chase

[48:43] after a tiny little chuck wagon?

[48:46] Because this is chuck wagon,

Elliott Kalan

[48:48] it's full of food.

[48:49] The brother can't find his daughter.

[48:51] What happened to her?

[48:52] Oh no,

[48:53] she's waiting in the car

[48:54] and the house is on fire.

[48:56] Carrie Ann Moss gets chewed out

[48:57] by her boss

[48:58] because they think Elliot killed everyone

[49:00] and she let him get away.

[49:02] But now Moss has started believing

[49:04] in the bye-bye man.

[49:05] And the niece,

[49:07] she's like,

[49:08] in the car she's like,

[49:08] hey,

[49:09] I found those gold coins.

[49:12] where did you find them?

[49:13] In the little table.

[49:14] It was in the back for some reason.

[49:16] And this is where you think

[49:16] the movie is leading up to you

[49:17] thinking the girl read

[49:19] that it said bye-bye man

[49:20] on the bottom of it.

[49:21] And now she's-

[49:22] You're like, fuck you movie.

[49:23] But instead,

[49:24] she goes,

[49:25] something was written in it

[49:26] but I couldn't read in the dark.

[49:28] Okay.

[49:29] And then John,

[49:30] who is still alive,

[49:31] is being brought to an ambulance

[49:32] and he turns to Carrie Ann Moss

[49:33] and goes,

[49:34] And it was like,

[49:35] wait a minute movie.

[49:36] You set up like a crazy

[49:38] but somewhat plausible

[49:40] like stupid twist

[49:41] and then you just threw it away.

Stuart Wellington

[49:43] Wait, does he actually-

[49:44] He doesn't-

Elliott Kalan

[49:45] Does he say bye-bye man

[49:46] at the very end?

[49:47] Yeah, he does.

[49:47] He says bye-bye man.

[49:48] So instead of having like

[49:49] someone discovering it

[49:50] despite their best efforts,

[49:51] a character just blurts it out.

[49:53] It's like in the beginning of Rings

[49:54] when he goes,

[49:55] hey,

[49:55] you ever heard of this movie,

[49:56] this video that kills people

[49:57] when you watch it?

[49:57] It's like,

Dan McCoy

[49:58] you know,

[49:59] you can't sit in a corner

[50:00] and not think of an elephant

[50:01] if you're,

[50:02] you know-

[50:03] I mean,

[50:03] that's the whole premise

[50:04] of this movie.

[50:05] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[50:06] He's got to blurt that out.

[50:08] He's got to Paul blurt it out?

[50:09] Yeah.

[50:10] I don't know, Dan.

[50:11] It seems lazy

[50:12] from a screenwriting point.

[50:14] But if you're going to do that,

[50:15] why bother the fake out

[50:17] of the little girl

[50:18] getting the coins

[50:18] but not-

[50:19] Why does she have the coins now?

Dan McCoy

[50:21] Well, because you're worried

[50:22] about the kid

[50:23] but then like it turns out

[50:24] it's a-

[50:24] I think it'd be funny

[50:26] if it was like

[50:26] the end of

[50:27] taking a film

[50:28] one, two, three.

[50:29] It's just like

[50:29] you think the movie's over

[50:30] and then he like

[50:31] ducks his head back in

[50:32] and he's like,

Elliott Kalan

[50:35] Just throws it out there.

[50:37] I wanted the next scene

[50:38] to be the little girl

[50:38] goes to their dead

[50:39] to a theme park

[50:39] and she uses those gold coins

[50:41] on one of those

[50:41] penny smashing machines

[50:42] and bye-bye man's like,

[50:44] oh man,

[50:46] That's my stuff.

[50:49] Here's the thing

[50:50] that I want to

[50:51] point out about this.

[50:52] The implication you're left with

[50:53] by the movie

[50:54] is that all mass murders

[50:55] have been caused

[50:57] by the bye-bye man

[50:58] that like any,

[50:59] like,

[51:00] maybe even Columbine

[51:01] or something like that,

[51:01] any of those types

[51:02] of mass murders

[51:02] or mass shootings

[51:03] was because the bye-bye man

[51:05] got out

[51:05] and I couldn't help

[51:07] taking this

[51:07] to the worst extreme

[51:08] where I'm like,

[51:10] only Hitler hadn't told

[51:10] all those Jews

[51:11] about the bye-bye man.

[51:12] He wouldn't have

[51:13] had to do all that.

[51:13] Oh, brother.

[51:14] But it feels like

[51:15] it left a bad taste

[51:16] in my mouth

[51:17] to be like,

[51:18] this is why

[51:18] killings happen

[51:19] because of the bye-bye man.

[51:21] I was like,

[51:21] movie,

[51:21] you did not earn that

[51:22] to suddenly project yourself

[51:24] into like every horrible crime

[51:26] that happens.

[51:27] I didn't like it.

[51:28] No.

[51:31] Which is too bad

[51:32] because I loved the movie

[51:33] otherwise.

[51:33] Okay, well.

[51:34] I didn't want to say bye-bye

[51:35] to the bye-bye man.

[51:36] I want to say hello.

[51:37] Give me more, please.

[51:38] There was one crack

[51:39] in the armor

[51:40] that you were able

[51:40] to exploit.

[51:41] Otherwise.

[51:43] But yeah,

[51:43] so did you guys find

[51:44] this movie as dull

[51:45] as I did for most of it?

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] Yeah, it was super dull.

[51:48] One of my favorite

[51:49] moments of foreshadowing

[51:51] in the movie

[51:51] is early on

[51:53] where Elliot and Sasha

[51:55] are,

[51:56] I think they're stressed out

[51:57] or upset or something

[51:58] and Elliot's trying

[51:59] to comfort her

[52:01] you want to watch

[52:01] something stupid?

[52:03] And I'm like,

[52:04] uh-oh.

[52:05] I guess that's what

[52:06] I'm going to be doing.

Dan McCoy

[52:09] That was the tagline

[52:11] to the movie,

[52:11] the poster.

[52:12] You want to watch

[52:13] something stupid?

[52:14] I mean,

[52:14] that would be a great

[52:15] tagline for a movie

[52:16] to be honest.

[52:17] That could be the tagline

[52:18] for the jerk.

[52:19] It would fit perfectly.

[52:20] Actually,

[52:21] I think that would be

[52:22] a very successful

[52:23] ad campaign

[52:24] because a lot of people

[52:26] do just want to

[52:26] watch something stupid.

[52:27] People love watching

[52:28] stupid stuff.

[52:30] Yeah.

[52:30] That's what YouTube

[52:31] is built on.

Elliott Kalan

[52:32] Oh,

[52:33] oh,

[52:33] come on.

[52:34] Man,

[52:34] I'm sorry.

[52:35] These kids today,

[52:35] huh?

[52:36] Yeah,

[52:36] these millennials

[52:36] with their video screens

[52:38] in their pockets

[52:38] and looking at the

[52:39] cat wraps

[52:40] and all the vlogs

[52:43] with the kids react.

Dan McCoy

[52:45] The unboxings of things.

[52:47] Always unboxing things.

[52:48] Yeah,

[52:49] where do they get

[52:49] all those boxes?

[52:50] So let's unbox

[52:51] The Bye Bye Man.

[52:52] The movie opens

[52:53] in 1969.

[52:54] No, no, no.

[52:54] We're nice.

[52:56] Let's do final judgments.

[52:58] We kind of did it already,

[52:59] but it's a tradition.

[53:01] So our shock

[53:02] October categories.

[53:03] Tell me again

[53:04] because I don't remember

Elliott Kalan

[53:05] them and they're

[53:05] very confusing.

Dan McCoy

[53:06] It was this movie

[53:07] totally scarifying,

[53:10] totally snorifying,

[53:12] or frighteningly funny.

Stuart Wellington

[53:15] I love it.

[53:18] Oh, man.

[53:18] My favorite time of year.

[53:19] Just for that.

[53:21] I feel like I get

[53:21] to say those words.

[53:24] Yeah, I mean,

[53:25] I would probably say

[53:26] this falls squarely

[53:29] in the snorifying category.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Yeah, it was,

[53:34] I did find it

[53:34] totally snorifying.

[53:36] There were occasional

[53:36] moments of funniness

[53:38] like Faye Dunaway's

[53:39] bad CGI fire.

[53:41] Yep.

[53:42] But otherwise,

[53:43] it's a movie

[53:44] that takes so long.

[53:45] The premise

[53:46] is so straightforward

[53:48] and it takes so long

[53:49] to get going.

[53:50] Yeah.

[53:50] And they do everything

[53:51] they can to like

[53:52] screw up this premise.

[53:53] Yeah.

[53:54] Yeah, it's totally

[53:55] snorifying.

[53:56] Like, just see The Ring.

[53:57] I feel like...

[53:57] Just go see The Ring.

Stuart Wellington

[53:58] Same basic movie.

[53:59] Who saw that

[54:00] Faye Dunaway shot

[54:01] and they're like,

[54:03] this is the final

[54:03] effect shot

[54:04] and they're like,

[54:05] perfect.

[54:06] Good enough

[54:06] for a major

[54:07] motion picture.

[54:08] I think the accountant

[54:09] who's in charge

[54:10] of the budget

[54:10] for the movie

[54:11] made that decision.

[54:12] But like,

[54:13] I feel like anybody

[54:14] would see it

[54:14] and be like,

[54:15] nah,

[54:16] let's change it.

[54:17] Let's change it

[54:18] to something better.

[54:19] Can't we just set

[54:20] Faye Dunaway on fire?

Dan McCoy

[54:23] Faye Dunaway,

Stuart Wellington

[54:24] that was the original plan.

[54:25] Faye Dunaway kept insisting

[54:26] that she do it.

[54:27] She's like,

[54:28] I'll do it.

[54:28] I don't know

[54:29] what the problem is.

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] I'm not a wimp.

[54:30] I do all my own stunts

[54:31] and I always have.

[54:32] Set me a flame.

[54:34] Flame Dunaway

[54:35] they used to call me.

[54:36] Flame on.

[54:37] Yeah.

[54:37] You know my catch

[54:39] that she says

[54:40] in Chinatown?

[54:41] Yep.

[54:43] Flame on, Jake.

[54:44] It's Chinatown.

[54:46] what?

[54:46] Your character got killed.

[54:47] How are you talking?

[54:49] Hey there folks,

John Hodgman

[54:56] I'm writer and performer

[54:57] Dave Holmes

[54:57] and I host

[54:58] International Waters

[54:59] where we pair

[55:00] a team of comedians

[55:01] in LA

[55:01] against a team

[55:02] of comedians

[55:03] in London

[55:03] in a pop culture

[55:04] trivia battle royale.

[55:06] Comedians like

[55:07] Jimmy Pardo.

[55:08] My aunt Pat

[55:09] for Christmas

[55:09] once got me

[55:10] a candelabra

[55:11] you know,

[55:12] for my collection.

[55:14] And my brother said

[55:15] I didn't know

[55:15] you collected

[55:16] candelabras

[55:16] and I went,

[55:16] I do.

[55:17] I now have one.

[55:19] Bill Dwyer.

Stuart Wellington

[55:20] Bob Barker's

[55:21] turning over

[55:22] in his almost grave

[55:23] right now.

[55:24] He's very much less.

John Hodgman

[55:26] And many more.

[55:27] Join us every other week

[55:28] on International Waters

[55:29] with me,

[55:30] Dave Holmes.

[55:30] Find it on

[55:31] MaximumFun.org

[55:32] or wherever

[55:33] you get your podcasts.

[55:43] Judge John Hodgman ruled

[55:45] in my favor.

Dan McCoy

[55:47] in my friend's favor.

[55:50] in my favor.

John Hodgman

[55:51] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[55:53] You're hearing the voices

[55:54] of real litigants,

[55:55] real people

[55:56] who have submitted disputes

[55:57] to my internet court

[55:58] at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[56:00] I hear their cases,

[56:01] I ask them questions,

[56:03] they're good ones,

[56:04] and then I tell them

[56:04] who's right

[56:05] and who's wrong.

Dan McCoy

[56:06] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

[56:08] my dad has been forced

[56:09] to retire,

[56:10] one of the worst dad jokes

[56:11] of all time.

John Hodgman

[56:12] Instead of cutting

[56:13] his own hair

[56:14] with a flowbee,

[56:15] my husband has his hair

[56:17] cut professionally.

[56:18] I have to join

[56:19] a community theater group.

[56:20] And my wife has stopped

[56:21] bringing home wild animals.

[56:23] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[56:26] Find it every Wednesday

[56:27] at MaximumFun.org

[56:28] or wherever you download podcasts.

[56:32] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

Dan McCoy

[56:38] We've got a few sponsors

[56:40] tonight, today,

[56:42] whenever you're listening

[56:43] to this podcast.

[56:44] Right now.

[56:44] We're doing it

[56:45] in the middle of the day.

[56:46] That's a peek behind the curtain.

[56:47] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[56:48] The curtain that is

Dan McCoy

[56:49] keeping the sunlight out

[56:50] because it's the middle of the day.

[56:52] Our first sponsor

[56:53] is ZipRecruiter.

[56:56] What if hiring could be easier?

[56:58] That'd be great.

[56:58] More streamlined.

[56:59] Love it.

[57:00] Less time consuming.

[57:01] Please.

[57:02] With ZipRecruiter,

[57:03] you can post your job

[57:03] to over 100 job boards

[57:05] with just one click.

[57:06] That's an amazing ratio.

Elliott Kalan

[57:08] Over 100 job boards

[57:09] with one click.

[57:10] That's a ratio of clicks

[57:12] per job board

[57:13] that's astounding.

Dan McCoy

[57:14] Yeah.

[57:14] One to 100.

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[57:17] And ZipRecruiter doesn't depend

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[57:25] Mm-hmm.

[57:26] No wonder 80% of employers

[57:27] who post on ZipRecruiter

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[57:30] in just one day.

[57:32] Just one day.

[57:34] Think of how short that is.

[57:35] It's a day's length.

[57:37] Literally.

Elliott Kalan

[57:38] It's 24 hours.

[57:40] What a difference a day makes.

[57:42] You started with an opening.

[57:43] Now you've got an employee.

[57:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:45] Right now,

[57:45] our listeners can post jobs

[57:47] on ZipRecruiter for free.

[57:48] Just go to

[57:49] ZipRecruiter.com

[57:50] slash Flophouse.

[57:51] That's ZipRecruiter.com

[57:53] slash Flophouse.

[57:55] Sounds great.

Elliott Kalan

[57:56] Small business owners

[57:57] are the backbone of America.

[57:58] Start a business

[57:59] and put your listing up

[58:01] on ZipRecruiter

[58:01] and hire some people.

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] Ellie, you're saying that,

[58:03] but all the policies

[58:04] that you're pushing for

[58:05] in your political campaign

[58:06] don't seem to support

[58:08] small businesses.

Elliott Kalan

[58:09] No, the best way

[58:10] we can help small businesses

[58:11] and the middle class

[58:11] is by cutting taxes

[58:12] on the upper classes.

Stuart Wellington

[58:14] Oh, so I guess

[58:15] all that extra money

Elliott Kalan

[58:16] will just trickle down

[58:17] into my pocket?

[58:18] You know it.

[58:18] Exactly.

[58:19] into your pocket.

[58:20] Now, imagine the economy

[58:21] is like a washcloth.

[58:24] Sure.

[58:24] You're going to pour

[58:25] a gallon of water

[58:26] into that washcloth

[58:26] and a few drops

[58:27] are going to trickle through it.

Stuart Wellington

[58:28] Uh-huh.

[58:28] I mean, and those are delicious.

[58:30] I need that water to survive.

Elliott Kalan

[58:31] And it tastes a little better

[58:32] because it's with a washcloth.

[58:34] Little kids,

[58:34] you know what I'm talking about.

[58:35] You're always sucking

[58:36] on washcloths.

Dan McCoy

[58:38] This is a heretofore

[58:39] unknown stereotype

[58:40] about little kids.

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] Seriously?

[58:42] Yeah.

[58:43] I feel like every kid

[58:44] at some point

[58:44] is sucking on a washcloth

[58:45] in a bathtub

[58:46] and I know that

[58:47] like I did as a kid,

[58:48] my son does.

[58:49] Say again,

Stuart Wellington

[58:50] I ain't got a man.

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] We were reading

[58:55] a kid's book recently

[58:55] and there was a part

[58:56] where the character

[58:57] was just sucking on

[58:58] their wet blanket

[59:00] that they brought

[59:01] in the bathroom

[59:01] and I'm like,

[59:01] oh yeah,

[59:02] kids do that

[59:02] all the time.

[59:03] So I guess you guys

[59:04] are of the minority

[59:05] of humans

[59:06] who don't suck

[59:06] on washcloths

[59:07] when you're kids?

[59:08] Mm-hmm.

[59:08] All right,

[59:08] okay.

[59:10] Zip Recruiter,

[59:11] suck on it

Dan McCoy

[59:12] like a washcloth.

[59:14] So we're also sponsored

[59:15] in part by Squarespace.

[59:17] Mm-hmm.

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[59:59] Now, Dan,

[59:59] I have a question.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:00] All right.

[1:00:00] This sponsor

[1:00:02] really affects me

[1:00:02] personally because

[1:00:03] I do have a website

[1:00:04] I want to start.

[1:00:06] Now, earlier we were

[1:00:07] talking about how

[1:00:07] when the main character

[1:00:09] Elliot searches

[1:00:09] for Buy Buy Man online,

[1:00:10] he finds nothing,

[1:00:11] and certainly nothing,

[1:00:12] about Buy Buy Man's feet.

[1:00:14] So I have a site

[1:00:15] I've been wanting

[1:00:16] to start called

[1:00:16] www.buybuymanfeet.com.

[1:00:19] It's your place

[1:00:20] on the internet

[1:00:20] for news, reviews,

[1:00:21] games, tips,

[1:00:22] hints, and tricks,

[1:00:23] and professional advice

[1:00:24] about Buy Buy Man's feet.

[1:00:26] Most importantly,

[1:00:27] you've got pictures

[1:00:27] of Buy Buy Man's feet,

[1:00:29] the sexiest pictures

[1:00:29] we can find

[1:00:30] of the sexiest

[1:00:31] boogeyman in movies,

[1:00:32] the Buy Buy Man,

[1:00:33] and the sexiest part

[1:00:33] of his body,

[1:00:34] the foot.

[1:00:35] So do you think

[1:00:35] Squarespace would be able

[1:00:36] to help me with

[1:00:36] buybuymanfeet.com?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:38] I think that almost

[1:00:40] certainly it could help

[1:00:41] you with that.

[1:00:41] I think that it would

[1:00:42] be very strange

[1:00:43] if they were to turn

[1:00:43] down your business.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:44] Okay.

[1:00:45] That's great to know.

[1:00:46] Because I have had

[1:00:47] a checkered past

[1:00:48] with the internet,

[1:00:49] as listeners might know.

[1:00:51] But I just got struck

[1:00:52] by the point

[1:00:52] when he goes to

[1:00:53] the famous search engine

[1:00:54] search and types

[1:00:55] in Buy Buy Man

[1:00:56] and feet...

[1:00:56] No, we're back

[1:00:57] on the Buy Buy Man beat?

[1:00:58] Yeah, and feet

[1:00:59] does not automatically

[1:01:00] auto-enter

[1:01:02] or auto-fill.

[1:01:03] I was like,

[1:01:03] seems like there's

[1:01:04] a problem here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:05] Why is this guy

[1:01:06] binging it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:08] Why is there no place

[1:01:09] on the internet

[1:01:09] for those of us

[1:01:10] who, like me,

[1:01:11] have an interest

[1:01:11] in the Buy Buy Man's feet?

[1:01:13] Yeah, does he wear shoes?

[1:01:14] Does he walk around barefoot?

[1:01:15] Well, there'll be

[1:01:16] a couple different pictures

[1:01:17] like that.

[1:01:17] But we don't get a real sense

[1:01:18] of it in the movie.

[1:01:19] But I gotta assume

[1:01:20] that's because the movie

[1:01:21] is hiding some pretty

[1:01:21] sweet feet on that.

[1:01:23] I don't know.

[1:01:23] Pretty sweet feet?

[1:01:24] I don't know.

[1:01:24] I imagine them all

[1:01:25] calloused and yellow

[1:01:26] and horns on them.

[1:01:28] Does he have tan lines

[1:01:29] from his sandals?

[1:01:31] Sure.

[1:01:31] Maybe.

[1:01:32] That's pretty hot.

[1:01:33] Only the Buy Buy Man knows

[1:01:34] or visitors to

[1:01:35] buybuymanfeet.com.

[1:01:36] Thanks, Squarespace.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:39] We also have some

[1:01:40] Jumbo Trons.

[1:01:46] Ow!

[1:01:47] I like this move.

[1:01:49] Okay, so

[1:01:50] I'm gonna be doing

[1:01:51] the first one.

[1:01:53] Okay.

[1:01:54] So let me

[1:01:55] I'm about to start.

[1:01:58] To lick your lips

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:59] in anticipation.

[1:02:01] Okay.

[1:02:01] Okay, take a breath

[1:02:02] and exhale.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:04] Rubber baby.

[1:02:05] Okay.

[1:02:07] Do you love the Flophouse

[1:02:08] but wish one of them

[1:02:09] was a lady

[1:02:10] and they only talked

[1:02:11] about movies

[1:02:12] from the 80s?

[1:02:13] Probably not.

[1:02:14] I don't know.

[1:02:16] That sounds better

[1:02:16] than us.

[1:02:18] But if that interests you

[1:02:19] then check out

[1:02:20] the podcast

[1:02:21] Good Times

[1:02:22] Great Movies

[1:02:23] where every other week

[1:02:25] Jamie and Doug

[1:02:26] choose a film

[1:02:27] from that magical decade

[1:02:29] and roast it.

[1:02:31] Any similarity

[1:02:32] to the Flophouse

[1:02:33] is pure coincidence.

[1:02:35] I guess that's legal.

[1:02:36] You had to stick that in.

[1:02:38] Would the Floppers

[1:02:39] like to join us

[1:02:40] for an episode?

[1:02:42] Purvisoid number one.

[1:02:43] Oh, they used your title.

[1:02:44] Maybe Zapped?

[1:02:47] Stew?

[1:02:48] How about Dolls?

[1:02:50] And Elliot

[1:02:51] with only one T.

[1:02:52] So I'm assuming

[1:02:53] They're not talking about me.

[1:02:54] Talking to the character

[1:02:55] from The Bye Bye Man.

[1:02:56] Too late.

[1:02:57] It's too late he's dead.

[1:02:58] Might as well cover it.

[1:02:59] Maybe something artsy

[1:03:00] like My Dinner with Andre?

[1:03:02] Great movie.

[1:03:03] Oh, he'd probably like that.

[1:03:04] Yeah.

[1:03:05] Well,

[1:03:06] that's really holding

[1:03:07] our feet to the flames

[1:03:08] on that one.

[1:03:09] But yeah,

[1:03:09] so check out

[1:03:10] you can find

[1:03:11] Good Times Great Movies

[1:03:13] wherever you get podcasts

[1:03:14] or visit

[1:03:15] GoodTimesGreatMovies.com

[1:03:17] So check that out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:18] And I'll take

[1:03:19] our other Jumbotron

[1:03:20] thingy

[1:03:21] announcement that is

[1:03:22] and they're saying

[1:03:24] what should you do?

[1:03:25] You should subscribe

[1:03:25] to Shirts and Pants

[1:03:26] on Apple Podcasts.

[1:03:28] Shirts and Pants

[1:03:29] not the clothing

[1:03:30] but I'll explain.

[1:03:31] On Shirts and Pants

[1:03:32] Erica and Nathan

[1:03:33] talk movies,

[1:03:34] TV,

[1:03:34] and other cultural detritus.

[1:03:36] Old and new,

[1:03:38] good and bad,

[1:03:38] funny,

[1:03:39] unfunny,

[1:03:39] scary,

[1:03:40] tear jerking.

[1:03:41] There's no telling

[1:03:42] what the topic might be.

[1:03:43] Want an hour long

[1:03:43] discussion of robot jocks?

[1:03:45] I know Stuart does.

[1:03:46] Try on Shirts and Pants.

[1:03:47] Only one hour?

[1:03:48] Need Lord of the Rings

[1:03:49] brought up with

[1:03:49] barely any justification?

[1:03:51] Again, Stuart,

[1:03:52] slip into Shirts and Pants.

[1:03:53] Like good pop culture

[1:03:54] conversation between

[1:03:55] good friends?

[1:03:56] Put on Shirts and Pants.

[1:03:57] Zapping you in the brain

[1:03:58] twice a month.

[1:03:59] Subscribe on iTunes today.

[1:04:00] That's Shirts and Pants.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:01] Well, I like those topics

[1:04:03] but I generally

[1:04:04] don't like pants.

[1:04:05] You like to be nude, yeah.

[1:04:07] I can attest to the fact

[1:04:09] that Stuart does not like pants.

[1:04:11] They're just very confining.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] Remember the time

[1:04:12] when we were recording

[1:04:13] and Stuart got up,

[1:04:15] left,

[1:04:15] went to the bathroom

[1:04:16] and changed into

[1:04:16] a tiny bathing suit?

[1:04:21] Guys,

[1:04:22] I'd like to have

[1:04:22] a little Jumbotron

[1:04:23] of my own.

[1:04:23] Oh yeah.

[1:04:24] I have a thank you

[1:04:24] Jumbotron out there.

[1:04:25] Now,

[1:04:27] I'll make a long story short

[1:04:28] or try to,

[1:04:29] you know me.

[1:04:30] A long while back

[1:04:31] someone wrote in

[1:04:32] and asked,

[1:04:32] what kind of movie

[1:04:33] memorabilia

[1:04:34] do we most want?

[1:04:35] And I said,

[1:04:36] I had always dreamed

[1:04:37] for years,

[1:04:38] this was a dream

[1:04:38] going back over a decade

[1:04:39] to own one of the

[1:04:41] drawings from

[1:04:42] Gertie the Dinosaur,

[1:04:43] Winsor McCay's

[1:04:44] landmark drawing.

[1:04:46] Well,

[1:04:46] thanks to a really

[1:04:47] wonderful Flophouse

[1:04:48] listener named

[1:04:49] Michael Waite,

[1:04:50] over in England,

[1:04:52] I am

[1:04:53] now the possessor

[1:04:54] of a Gertie the

[1:04:55] Dinosaur drawing

[1:04:56] through an elaborate

[1:04:57] series of...

[1:04:58] Like a tontine?

[1:04:59] A tontine?

[1:05:00] Yeah.

[1:05:01] I thought they smelled

[1:05:02] that on the inside.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:03] A tontine's kind of

[1:05:04] like a tartlet too.

[1:05:06] You get it at a

[1:05:07] French cafe.

[1:05:09] He,

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] I won't go into

[1:05:11] all the details,

[1:05:12] but very kindly

[1:05:13] reached out to me

[1:05:15] and made it happen

[1:05:16] and now I'm super

[1:05:17] excited about it.

[1:05:17] I haven't gotten it

[1:05:19] framed yet,

[1:05:20] but I literally

[1:05:21] keep it next to my

[1:05:22] bed so I can look

[1:05:23] at it whenever I want

[1:05:24] and it's just this

[1:05:25] amazing piece of

[1:05:26] animation history.

[1:05:27] It's beautiful.

[1:05:27] It's something that

[1:05:28] I've dreamed having

[1:05:29] as a part of my life

[1:05:30] for a long time.

[1:05:31] So I want to say

[1:05:31] thank you very much

[1:05:32] to Michael

[1:05:32] and I wanted to

[1:05:34] promote his

[1:05:34] children's book.

[1:05:35] It's called

[1:05:36] Diggersaurus.

[1:05:37] Finally,

[1:05:38] construction trucks

[1:05:39] and dinosaurs

[1:05:39] combined into one

[1:05:40] thing and he

[1:05:42] sent me a copy of it

[1:05:43] and my son

[1:05:43] loves it.

[1:05:45] So thank you very much

[1:05:46] Michael for making

[1:05:47] one of my dreams

[1:05:47] come true and

[1:05:48] anyone who's interested

[1:05:49] in books for children

[1:05:50] that involve dinosaurs

[1:05:51] and construction

[1:05:52] equipment,

[1:05:52] maybe because they

[1:05:53] have a child in their

[1:05:53] life,

[1:05:54] maybe they're just

[1:05:54] young at heart,

[1:05:55] I would like to

[1:05:56] promote his book

[1:05:56] Diggersaurus by

[1:05:57] Michael Waite.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:59] Apparently you can

[1:05:59] just make things

[1:06:00] happen by putting

[1:06:01] it out of the

[1:06:01] world secret style.

[1:06:03] I mean that's

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:04] not secret,

[1:06:05] Elliot said it on

[1:06:06] a public podcast.

[1:06:07] No, no,

[1:06:07] but like the secret,

[1:06:08] anyway,

[1:06:09] speaking of putting

[1:06:09] Oh,

[1:06:11] if anyone wants

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:12] to send me an

[1:06:12] original gremlin

[1:06:13] from the movie

[1:06:14] Gremlin.

[1:06:16] Speaking,

[1:06:16] no,

[1:06:17] this was like

[1:06:17] something that came

[1:06:18] out of nowhere

[1:06:18] and it was super

[1:06:19] exciting.

[1:06:20] Like I'm still

[1:06:20] like super buzzed

[1:06:22] and excited about

[1:06:22] it.

[1:06:23] It's so awesome.

[1:06:25] But speaking of

[1:06:25] putting things out

[1:06:26] in the world,

[1:06:26] we put out something

[1:06:27] recently in the world.

[1:06:28] Comic books.

[1:06:29] Oh, comics.

[1:06:30] Comic books.

[1:06:30] I mean digital comics.

[1:06:32] Digital comics.

[1:06:32] I mean we put them

[1:06:33] out into the digital

[1:06:33] world, the cybersphere.

[1:06:35] We're net runners.

[1:06:36] You have console

[1:06:37] cowboys.

[1:06:38] Bunch of samurai

[1:06:39] heroes.

[1:06:41] We have some new

[1:06:43] Flophouse Funnies

[1:06:43] out.

[1:06:44] Stewart's coming

[1:06:44] out soon.

[1:06:45] Yeah, it's

[1:06:45] coming out really

[1:06:47] great.

[1:06:47] Dan and mine are

[1:06:48] out.

[1:06:48] The theme this

[1:06:49] time is love

[1:06:50] and all the money

[1:06:52] that goes to it,

[1:06:53] money you pay for it

[1:06:54] goes to Hurricane

[1:06:55] Relief for Puerto

[1:06:57] Rico.

[1:06:58] So it's a good

[1:06:59] cause.

[1:07:00] For anyone who's

[1:07:01] an American listening

[1:07:01] to us, they're our

[1:07:02] fellow Americans and

[1:07:03] they need our help

[1:07:03] because they are

[1:07:04] being seriously

[1:07:06] underserved by our

[1:07:07] elected officials.

[1:07:08] So please read

[1:07:09] some comics and help

[1:07:10] out our own fellow

[1:07:12] citizens in their

[1:07:12] time of crisis.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:14] Yeah, support our

[1:07:14] comic book

[1:07:15] making dreams.

[1:07:16] Well, at least

[1:07:16] me.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:18] You can get them

[1:07:19] by going to

[1:07:19] flophousepodcast.com.

[1:07:22] That's our

[1:07:23] website.

[1:07:24] Oh, I see.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:25] Oh, thank you for

[1:07:25] filling in the

[1:07:26] backstory.

[1:07:27] That was like,

[1:07:28] you saying the URL

[1:07:29] was Star Wars and

[1:07:30] then you filling that

[1:07:30] in was like episode

[1:07:31] one, The Phantom

[1:07:32] Menace.

[1:07:32] That's right.

[1:07:32] I was like,

[1:07:33] this was not

[1:07:33] necessary.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:38] But now it's time

[1:07:40] for everyone's

[1:07:42] third favorite part

[1:07:43] of the show.

[1:07:44] I don't know.

[1:07:45] Letters from

[1:07:45] Les Nerds.

[1:07:45] Let's rank them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:47] It goes,

[1:07:48] Stuart's hilarious

[1:07:49] jokes at number

[1:07:49] one.

[1:07:50] People are

[1:07:50] loving that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:51] Dan's tie is

[1:07:52] number two.

[1:07:53] Number three is

[1:07:54] probably a letters

[1:07:55] song like this one.

[1:07:58] Hey guys, we're all

[1:07:59] together in one place.

[1:08:01] It feels so good to be

[1:08:03] face to face to face

[1:08:05] again in Toronto.

[1:08:07] This is the place

[1:08:08] that we are in a

[1:08:09] rented house with

[1:08:11] stairs that we all

[1:08:12] almost fell down and

[1:08:13] died.

[1:08:14] I actually fell down

[1:08:15] them, so.

[1:08:15] If we had died,

[1:08:17] then our audiences

[1:08:18] would have cried and

[1:08:19] our loved ones as

[1:08:20] well.

[1:08:21] People think we're

[1:08:22] swell.

[1:08:23] These three guys

[1:08:24] called the floppers

[1:08:25] Stuart, Dan, and

[1:08:27] Elle.

[1:08:27] We're all together

[1:08:29] reading letters

[1:08:30] together.

[1:08:31] Stuart,

[1:08:31] stippin' water,

[1:08:32] stippin' water,

[1:08:33] and Dan probably

[1:08:34] otter because

[1:08:34] you're lookin'

[1:08:35] dehydrated and

[1:08:36] I want you to

[1:08:36] take good care

[1:08:38] of yourself.

[1:08:39] Have some water

[1:08:40] right now while

[1:08:41] I'm singin' to

[1:08:42] tell you that you

[1:08:43] should stay healthy

[1:08:44] with water.

[1:08:46] And Stuart's

[1:08:47] gettin' you some.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:48] That's very nice

[1:08:49] of you, Stuart.

[1:08:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:50] This song was

[1:08:51] brought to you by

[1:08:51] the Water Council.

[1:08:53] Drink it.

[1:08:53] Love it.

[1:08:55] Make love in it.

[1:08:56] Water.

[1:08:56] Anyone tried it?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:58] Have a fish

[1:08:59] suck your dickhead.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:01] The Water Council

[1:09:02] does not approve

[1:09:04] of using water

[1:09:06] as a place to

[1:09:07] pressure fish to

[1:09:08] satisfy you orally.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:12] That could be

[1:09:12] consensual.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:13] The Water Council

[1:09:14] is in favor of all

[1:09:15] consensual sexual

[1:09:16] acts between

[1:09:17] loving adult

[1:09:18] partners or even

[1:09:19] adult strangers.

[1:09:20] Now here's the

[1:09:21] thing.

[1:09:21] Fish live a

[1:09:22] different lifespan

[1:09:23] than humans.

[1:09:24] Sure.

[1:09:25] How do you do

[1:09:26] that math, Dan?

[1:09:26] When you wade

[1:09:27] into the water,

[1:09:27] how do you know

[1:09:28] which fish are

[1:09:29] with your pants off?

[1:09:30] Oh, you're right.

[1:09:30] How do you know

[1:09:30] which fish are okay?

[1:09:31] That's a good point.

[1:09:32] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:09:33] I don't know who.

[1:09:34] I guess you'd probably

[1:09:34] just go with sharks

[1:09:35] because they live

[1:09:35] a long time.

[1:09:36] Uh-huh.

[1:09:37] There's that one

[1:09:38] kind of shark

[1:09:38] that can live

[1:09:38] for like 500 years.

[1:09:40] He's got it.

[1:09:40] He must have

[1:09:40] picked up a thing

[1:09:41] or two.

[1:09:41] This is making me

[1:09:41] very uncomfortable.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:43] Yeah, he's

[1:09:43] seen some stuff.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:46] The bottom of the

[1:09:47] ocean, mainly.

[1:09:48] Yeah.

[1:09:48] Very uncomfortable.

[1:09:49] So let's move

[1:09:49] on to letters.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:50] It's time for the letters

[1:09:52] and we're moving

[1:09:53] on to the letters

[1:09:54] as Dan takes

[1:09:55] a sip of water.

[1:09:56] Hey there,

[1:09:57] get your son

[1:09:58] and your daughter

[1:09:59] because we're done

[1:10:00] with the fish

[1:10:00] blowjob stuff

[1:10:01] and we're on to

[1:10:03] the family friendly

[1:10:04] letters segment.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:06] This is from

[1:10:07] Bartholomew,

[1:10:08] last name with help.

[1:10:10] Simpson.

[1:10:11] It goes,

[1:10:12] Dear Flop Stars,

[1:10:13] Eat my shorts.

[1:10:15] Eat my shorts.

[1:10:17] Cowabunga,

[1:10:17] Icaroma.

[1:10:18] Gotta go.

[1:10:19] Do the Bartman.

[1:10:22] Why doesn't anyone

[1:10:23] do the Bartman anymore?

[1:10:24] Because it wasn't

[1:10:24] a real dance, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:25] No one ever did

[1:10:26] the Bartman.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:27] Yeah, let your body

[1:10:28] shake side to side.

[1:10:29] Okay, that's just

[1:10:30] dancing.

[1:10:30] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:31] The time warp

[1:10:32] tells you how to do it.

[1:10:33] The Bartman,

[1:10:34] you're like,

[1:10:34] what am I supposed

[1:10:35] to be doing right now?

[1:10:36] Twist makes sense.

[1:10:38] You just do what

[1:10:38] the name of the dance is.

[1:10:39] Mashed potato,

[1:10:40] harder to figure out.

[1:10:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:43] So this letter

[1:10:45] goes like this.

[1:10:45] I wanted to thank you guys.

[1:10:48] I recently cycled

[1:10:49] across a large amount

[1:10:50] of France,

[1:10:51] which if you knew me,

[1:10:51] you would realize

[1:10:52] is an incredible feat

[1:10:53] for someone of my mass,

[1:10:55] but I was only really able

[1:10:56] to finish this trip

[1:10:57] because of you guys.

[1:10:58] Stuart's boisterousness

[1:10:59] helped me get a good start

[1:11:00] to the day.

[1:11:02] Elliot's rambling

[1:11:02] stopped me from getting bored

[1:11:03] during miles

[1:11:04] of endless fields,

[1:11:05] and Dan's vocal tones

[1:11:07] helped me to sleep

[1:11:07] after a long day

[1:11:08] of exertion.

[1:11:10] Thank you all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:11] So are we to believe

[1:11:12] that Bartholomew

[1:11:13] separated out

[1:11:14] each of our lines

[1:11:16] and listened to them?

[1:11:17] Yeah,

[1:11:17] isolate the vocal tracks.

[1:11:18] Like a soundboard?

[1:11:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:21] While I'm here,

[1:11:22] I have a question.

[1:11:23] What do you guys think

[1:11:24] are the best French films

[1:11:25] you've seen?

[1:11:26] Oh.

[1:11:27] I'm just starting

[1:11:27] to learn the language

[1:11:28] and need some good movies

[1:11:29] to make it more fun.

[1:11:30] It'd be hard.

[1:11:30] Thanks for all your flopping.

[1:11:31] You guys are my favorites.

[1:11:32] Well,

[1:11:32] I mean,

[1:11:33] I got one right off the bat.

[1:11:35] My favorite French film

[1:11:36] is Wages of Fear.

[1:11:38] Okay.

[1:11:38] That's a great movie.

[1:11:39] Oh, yeah.

[1:11:39] That's a good one.

[1:11:40] It was remade as Sorcerer.

[1:11:42] It's about some desperate men

[1:11:45] who have to transport

[1:11:46] nitroglycerin

[1:11:47] in a truck

[1:11:49] through the jungle

[1:11:50] and any overstimulation

[1:11:53] of the nitroglycerin,

[1:11:54] any shakes,

[1:11:55] will blow them sky high.

[1:11:57] And it's a very tense thriller

[1:12:00] and it's got beautiful

[1:12:02] black and white photography.

[1:12:04] I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] It's hard to...

[1:12:06] France has a wonderful

[1:12:08] cinema tradition.

[1:12:10] It's difficult.

[1:12:11] I would say that

[1:12:12] Rules of the Game

[1:12:13] might be my pick

[1:12:14] for the best one

[1:12:15] by Renoir.

[1:12:16] It's like

[1:12:17] really touching

[1:12:18] and really funny

[1:12:19] and it looks great

[1:12:21] but also like

[1:12:22] Jules and Jim

[1:12:23] is an amazing movie.

[1:12:26] pretty much all

[1:12:28] the Truffaut,

[1:12:29] Antoine Donnell movies

[1:12:30] are like

[1:12:31] at the very least fun

[1:12:32] but at their best

[1:12:33] they're like

[1:12:34] beautiful,

[1:12:35] like amazing.

[1:12:37] there's a ton

[1:12:38] of great French movies.

[1:12:39] It's hard to pick.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:41] Yeah,

[1:12:41] and there's a bunch

[1:12:41] of super gory ones

[1:12:43] like High Tension

[1:12:43] and The Inside.

[1:12:45] Is it The Inside

[1:12:46] or Inside?

[1:12:47] It doesn't matter.

[1:12:48] That one's gross.

[1:12:50] Martyrs.

[1:12:50] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:12:51] check them out.

[1:12:52] Yeah,

[1:12:52] there's a tradition

[1:12:53] in new extreme

[1:12:55] French horror cinema.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:57] Yeah,

[1:12:57] it's gross.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:59] It's gross.

[1:13:00] There's one word

[1:13:00] to describe it

[1:13:01] and that's gross.

[1:13:02] It's super gross.

[1:13:03] I guess,

[1:13:03] would you consider

[1:13:03] like a lot of

[1:13:04] Bunuel's movies

[1:13:05] French

[1:13:06] because they were

[1:13:06] made in France

[1:13:07] but he himself

[1:13:08] is not French.

[1:13:09] Like,

[1:13:09] with French movies,

[1:13:10] here's how I'm going to say,

[1:13:11] this is how I always

[1:13:12] figure you should

[1:13:13] explore any type of

[1:13:14] group of movies.

[1:13:17] The first one

[1:13:18] that sounds interesting

[1:13:18] to you,

[1:13:19] just watch it

[1:13:19] and just follow

[1:13:20] the threads

[1:13:20] from that movie

[1:13:21] of the people

[1:13:21] who are in it

[1:13:22] that you like

[1:13:22] or the people

[1:13:23] who made it

[1:13:23] that you like

[1:13:24] or just other ones

[1:13:24] that sound similar.

[1:13:25] Like,

[1:13:26] but I'd say

[1:13:27] start with

[1:13:27] Jules and Jim maybe.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:30] This is from

[1:13:31] Mallory,

[1:13:32] last name withheld,

[1:13:34] who says,

[1:13:35] Pete Keaton.

[1:13:37] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:38] Pete, right?

[1:13:39] Her middle initial

[1:13:39] was also Pete?

[1:13:40] Probably, right?

[1:13:41] I guess,

[1:13:42] yeah,

[1:13:42] her initial name

[1:13:42] was probably

[1:13:43] Mallory,

[1:13:43] probably Keaton.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:47] In the episode

[1:13:48] about the USS Indianapolis,

[1:13:51] Oh, no.

[1:13:51] Uh-oh.

[1:13:52] Stuart said the reason

[1:13:52] I feel bad about

[1:13:53] making fun of that old man.

[1:13:54] I apologize.

[1:13:55] Stuart said the reason

[1:13:56] why Indianapolis

[1:13:56] is nicknamed

[1:13:57] Naptown.

[1:13:58] Yeah.

[1:13:58] Because Nap

[1:13:59] is in the name.

[1:14:00] Well, that is partially right.

[1:14:01] The actual reason

[1:14:02] is even better.

[1:14:03] I'm from the Indy area

[1:14:05] and in my senior year

[1:14:06] of high school

[1:14:06] I took a class

[1:14:07] in photography.

[1:14:08] For some reason

[1:14:09] our teacher showed us

[1:14:10] a documentary

[1:14:10] about Indy in the 60s.

[1:14:12] The only thing

[1:14:13] I remember about it

[1:14:13] is a horrific murder

[1:14:15] and Indianapolis'

[1:14:16] nicknames.

[1:14:17] They explained

[1:14:18] that teenagers

[1:14:18] gave Indianapolis

[1:14:19] the nickname

[1:14:20] Naptown

[1:14:20] because the city

[1:14:21] was so boring.

[1:14:23] The other popular

[1:14:24] nickname at the time

[1:14:24] was Indy No Place

[1:14:26] which did not stick

[1:14:27] but is arguably better.

[1:14:30] I think I remember this

[1:14:31] because it's either

[1:14:31] really clever

[1:14:32] or really stupid

[1:14:32] and I can't decide which.

[1:14:34] I actually don't hear

[1:14:35] Naptown that often

[1:14:36] and I still live here

[1:14:37] except when talking

[1:14:38] about the Naptown

[1:14:38] Roller Derby

[1:14:39] which is our

[1:14:40] roller derby league.

[1:14:42] Anyway,

[1:14:43] R-O-C-K

[1:14:43] in the USA

[1:14:44] Mallory last name

[1:14:45] withheld

[1:14:46] and as someone

[1:14:48] whose grandparents

[1:14:50] lived in Indianapolis

[1:14:52] I can confirm

[1:14:54] the boringness

[1:14:55] of that particular

[1:14:56] berg.

[1:14:59] There's not a lot

[1:15:00] to address in this letter.

[1:15:01] I mean,

[1:15:02] it's nice to get a correction.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:03] If it helps,

[1:15:04] I thought of some

[1:15:04] other French movies

[1:15:05] that are worth a try

[1:15:06] like Rafifi

[1:15:07] or Bob Laflambeur

[1:15:09] are really good starters

[1:15:10] or like Elevator

[1:15:13] to the Gallows

[1:15:13] is a real tense movie

[1:15:15] that's really good.

[1:15:16] Man Bites Dog.

[1:15:18] That's not French,

[1:15:19] is it?

[1:15:19] Yeah, it is.

[1:15:20] Is it?

[1:15:21] For some reason

[1:15:21] I thought that was Scandinavian.

[1:15:23] No, it's French.

[1:15:23] Oh, it's French.

[1:15:24] Okay, sure.

[1:15:24] Man Bites Dog then.

[1:15:26] And

[1:15:27] any of the 30s movies

[1:15:30] with Jean Gabin

[1:15:32] in it,

[1:15:32] the French Humphrey Bogart.

[1:15:35] Elliot,

[1:15:35] I just want to tell you

Dan McCoy

[1:15:36] I got a text right now

[1:15:38] and I thought

[1:15:40] it was going to be

[1:15:41] something dramatic

[1:15:42] or something important

[1:15:43] and it was from

[1:15:44] my co-worker,

[1:15:46] your former co-worker,

[1:15:47] Matt Coff,

[1:15:48] saying,

[1:15:49] what do we do

[1:15:49] with screeners

[1:15:50] we don't want?

[1:15:51] You cut them up

[1:15:52] and throw them away.

[1:15:53] Yeah.

[1:15:54] Well, glad you interrupted.

[1:15:56] Yeah, well,

[1:15:57] such a good story.

[1:15:58] I just wanted to

[1:15:59] add a little

[1:15:59] of the moment flavor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:01] That was very much

[1:16:02] of my brother

[1:16:04] went on a vacation recently

[1:16:05] and he texted me

[1:16:07] while he was on

[1:16:08] this international vacation

[1:16:09] and he said,

[1:16:12] and he had a lead up

[1:16:14] that made me think

[1:16:15] he was about to give me

[1:16:15] some very dramatic news

[1:16:16] or very important news

[1:16:18] about something cool

[1:16:20] that happened

[1:16:21] during the trip

[1:16:22] and he put,

[1:16:22] he says,

[1:16:23] I think the coolest thing

[1:16:23] was, colon,

[1:16:24] and then I waited

[1:16:25] for a long, long time

[1:16:26] and I was like,

[1:16:27] what is it?

[1:16:27] What is it?

[1:16:27] And I was at the edge

[1:16:28] of my seat,

[1:16:28] like,

[1:16:28] do you have news

[1:16:30] to tell me?

[1:16:30] And then I texted him back,

[1:16:32] I was like,

[1:16:32] I'm in suspense,

[1:16:33] and he goes,

[1:16:33] oh, the picture

[1:16:33] didn't go through?

[1:16:34] It was the Frog Museum

[1:16:35] and he sends me

[1:16:36] a picture of a sign

[1:16:37] for this museum

[1:16:37] that is hundreds of frogs

[1:16:39] taxidermied into human activities

[1:16:41] and I was like,

[1:16:42] oh, okay.

[1:16:43] I thought he was gonna tell me

[1:16:44] like something big

[1:16:45] really happened

[1:16:46] or like he has great news

[1:16:47] or something dramatic.

[1:16:48] No, it's Frog Museum.

[1:16:50] Oh, that's pretty good.

[1:16:51] The Frog Museum.

[1:16:51] I mean, I wish,

[1:16:52] I want to see it too

[1:16:53] and the picture on the sign

[1:16:55] is a bunch of frogs

[1:16:57] in like a competitive rowboat

[1:17:00] with the oars

[1:17:02] in their hands.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:03] Yep.

[1:17:04] It's weird that they would,

[1:17:05] they do a sport

[1:17:07] that's so upper body heavy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:09] Yeah, you think

[1:17:10] they take advantage

[1:17:10] of the back legs.

[1:17:11] Yeah, yeah.

[1:17:12] That's where the muscle is.

[1:17:13] Yeah.

[1:17:15] Stuart,

[1:17:15] you raise a very good point

[1:17:16] that I did not even think about

[1:17:17] until now.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:19] Now,

[1:17:19] this last letter

[1:17:20] purports to be from

[1:17:22] someone by the name of

[1:17:23] Stubert McLastname withheld.

[1:17:25] I think that's a pseudonym.

[1:17:26] Probably.

[1:17:28] And it says,

[1:17:28] Let's run it through our database.

[1:17:30] Oh, yeah,

[1:17:32] there's a bunch of hits.

[1:17:33] There it is, yeah.

[1:17:34] Person of interest.

[1:17:34] Stubert.

[1:17:35] Stubert Feet.

[1:17:36] It says,

[1:17:37] Hey boys,

[1:17:39] last year I rented a movie theater

[1:17:40] for my birthday

[1:17:41] and forced about 30 good friends

[1:17:42] to watch Koenigsegg.

[1:17:45] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:45] It's an interesting birthday choice.

[1:17:47] Yeah.

[1:17:48] Not that that's a bad movie,

[1:17:49] just that like,

[1:17:50] there's a certain aspect of that

[1:17:51] where it's like,

[1:17:51] well, we'll see what he says,

[1:17:52] but it feels like,

[1:17:53] we're going to enjoy this

Dan McCoy

[1:17:53] or you're going to hate it.

[1:17:55] Yeah.

[1:17:55] Well, he says,

[1:17:56] This was perfect as I live in Europe

[1:17:57] and having a movie

[1:17:58] that doesn't depend on dialogue

[1:18:00] is ideal.

[1:18:01] Ah.

[1:18:01] For my next birthday,

[1:18:02] I was considering doing the same,

[1:18:03] but now I don't know

[1:18:04] what movie would be good to show.

[1:18:06] I've considered

[1:18:06] Stop Making Sense,

[1:18:08] but if some slack-jawed doofus

[1:18:09] isn't into talking heads,

[1:18:10] then it would make

[1:18:10] for a long evening for them.

[1:18:12] What's a movie that works well

[1:18:13] outside language

[1:18:14] and is little scene enough

[1:18:15] to warrant

[1:18:16] subjecting my friends to?

[1:18:17] I don't know about little scene,

[1:18:19] but my first impulse with this

[1:18:21] is to go with

[1:18:22] like a Buster Keaton movie

[1:18:23] because obviously

[1:18:25] that exists outside language

[1:18:26] and he's my favorite

[1:18:27] of the silent film stars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:30] If he's not afraid

[1:18:31] to show him a silent film,

[1:18:31] then I would recommend,

[1:18:33] it's called The Wind

[1:18:34] and it's,

[1:18:35] I think it was Lillian Gish,

[1:18:37] and it's about a woman

[1:18:39] who basically marries a man

[1:18:42] she doesn't really know that well

[1:18:43] and gets taken to live with him

[1:18:44] in his kind of frontier house

[1:18:47] in the desert

[1:18:47] and she leaves him alone.

[1:18:49] He leaves her alone

[1:18:50] for long periods of time

[1:18:50] and she kind of gets,

[1:18:51] is driven mad

[1:18:52] by the wind in the desert,

[1:18:54] but it's a silent movie

[1:18:55] that's super creepy.

[1:18:56] But also,

[1:18:56] you know,

[1:18:56] you can do like Fantasia.

[1:18:58] Oh yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:58] that's a good one.

[1:18:59] I'm a big fan of,

[1:19:00] this doesn't really answer

[1:19:02] the question,

[1:19:02] but I'm a big fan of

[1:19:03] on Halloween screening

[1:19:05] horror movies

[1:19:06] with the sound off

[1:19:08] at the bar

[1:19:09] and it's always fun

[1:19:11] for like the first hour or so

[1:19:13] people kind of ignore

[1:19:14] what's going on

[1:19:15] on the screen

[1:19:15] and then as the movie

[1:19:17] like starts kicking into gear,

[1:19:18] people,

[1:19:19] like more and more people

[1:19:19] are like,

[1:19:20] what is this?

[1:19:22] What's happening?

[1:19:24] Yeah.

[1:19:24] So that's always fun.

[1:19:26] And for that,

[1:19:26] just pick any really great

[1:19:28] gory horror movie

[1:19:29] like just go to the

[1:19:31] Stuart Gordon section

[1:19:32] in your local video store

[1:19:33] and just push all the boxes

[1:19:35] into your cart.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:40] The sections of the video store

[1:19:42] are romance,

[1:19:43] comedy,

[1:19:44] drama,

[1:19:44] action adventure

[1:19:45] and Stuart Gordon.

[1:19:46] They're like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:46] Stuart Gordon's films

[1:19:48] check so many

[1:19:49] of these genre boxes.

[1:19:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:52] Let's make it

[1:19:53] its own section.

[1:19:54] You could also run a movie

[1:19:55] like Blade Runner

[1:19:56] or Suspiria

[1:19:57] that works better

[1:19:58] as a visual experience

[1:19:59] than it does

[1:19:59] as a narrative one.

[1:20:01] Whoa.

[1:20:02] Take that 4K

[1:20:03] new version of Suspiria.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:06] The members of Goblin

[1:20:07] are in town,

[1:20:08] Ellie.

[1:20:08] You better watch

[1:20:09] your fucking mouth.

[1:20:09] Oh no,

[1:20:09] but I love their work.

[1:20:11] That's literally true.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:12] They are?

[1:20:13] Yeah,

[1:20:13] we heard this last night.

[1:20:15] Where are they playing?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:16] They're doing,

[1:20:17] there's a screening

[1:20:19] of Suspiria

[1:20:20] with Goblin there.

[1:20:21] Of course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:21] Oh,

[1:20:21] I want to go to that.

[1:20:22] Is that the same time

[1:20:22] as our show tonight?

[1:20:23] It's right before.

[1:20:25] So I guess

[1:20:26] we're not watching the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:27] I mean,

[1:20:28] I guess we can watch

[1:20:29] bullshit about

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:30] whatever for a couple hours.

[1:20:32] Nobody will know.

[1:20:33] They don't watch these movies.

[1:20:34] No one's seen

[1:20:34] The Bye Bye Man.

[1:20:36] No,

[1:20:36] we're reviewing,

[1:20:36] well,

[1:20:37] yeah,

[1:20:37] I guess you're right.

[1:20:37] But I mean like

[1:20:38] whatever the movie

[1:20:39] we're doing

[1:20:39] for this next one.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:41] So Dan,

[1:20:42] what do we do

[1:20:42] at this part of the podcast?

[1:20:43] This is the part

[1:20:43] of the podcast

[1:20:44] where we recommend

[1:20:45] a movie that you should watch

[1:20:46] instead of

[1:20:47] The Bye Bye Man.

[1:20:49] Anyone got a good recommendation?

[1:20:51] They have to be French?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:53] No.

[1:20:53] Does it have to be

[1:20:54] the opposite of this?

[1:20:55] Because I guess

[1:20:55] Hello Dolly would be

[1:20:56] the opposite of The Bye Bye Bye Man.

[1:20:59] Who's going to go first,

[1:21:01] fellas?

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:02] So,

[1:21:04] right before

[1:21:05] I hurt my back,

[1:21:07] playing a really long

[1:21:09] board game,

[1:21:10] Elliot.

[1:21:11] I didn't say it.

[1:21:13] You've got to put me

[1:21:13] on fucking blast,

[1:21:15] huh?

[1:21:15] I've got to hear about

[1:21:17] this on the podcast?

[1:21:19] No,

[1:21:20] I went to

[1:21:22] the

[1:21:24] Traveling Fantastic Fest

[1:21:26] thing they were doing

[1:21:28] at the draft house

[1:21:29] in Brooklyn

[1:21:30] and I went to

[1:21:32] an early screening

[1:21:33] of a movie

[1:21:34] that's currently

[1:21:35] being worked on

[1:21:36] called Apple Cart,

[1:21:37] which is

[1:21:38] kind of like

[1:21:39] a B-horror movie.

[1:21:42] It,

[1:21:43] like,

[1:21:44] there was a brief

[1:21:45] Q&A afterwards

[1:21:46] with one of the producers

[1:21:47] and they were saying

[1:21:48] that, like,

[1:21:49] they're not even sure

[1:21:49] if that's going to be

[1:21:50] the final title

[1:21:51] of the movie

[1:21:52] and that

[1:21:53] they're still

[1:21:55] in the editing process

[1:21:56] and it didn't

[1:21:57] completely feel

[1:21:58] that way,

[1:21:59] but, like,

[1:22:00] as soon as I heard

[1:22:01] that I couldn't help

[1:22:01] but, like,

[1:22:02] think about the movie

[1:22:03] and be like,

[1:22:03] oh,

[1:22:03] they could tweak this

[1:22:04] or change that

[1:22:05] and I don't think

[1:22:06] it's,

[1:22:07] I mean,

[1:22:07] this is a somewhat

[1:22:08] qualified recommendation

[1:22:09] because I don't think

[1:22:09] the whole thing

[1:22:10] holds up super well,

[1:22:11] but there's some

[1:22:12] really good stuff

[1:22:12] to it.

[1:22:13] It does a thing

[1:22:15] where the

[1:22:16] movie,

[1:22:18] the story of the movie

[1:22:19] runs parallel

[1:22:21] to a,

[1:22:22] like,

[1:22:22] a true crime,

[1:22:24] like,

[1:22:24] unsolved mysteries

[1:22:25] type show

[1:22:26] that's documenting

[1:22:28] the events

[1:22:29] that you're going

[1:22:30] to be watching

[1:22:31] in the movie

[1:22:31] and it doesn't

[1:22:32] all work,

[1:22:33] but it does add

[1:22:35] a little bit of,

[1:22:36] like,

[1:22:37] levity to the whole

[1:22:38] process

[1:22:39] and it's,

[1:22:40] like,

[1:22:40] the parody of a

[1:22:41] true crime show

[1:22:42] is pretty funny

[1:22:42] and the,

[1:22:43] like,

[1:22:44] the staged,

[1:22:45] like,

[1:22:45] the staged events

[1:22:47] that they do

[1:22:47] with actors

[1:22:48] are pretty funny

[1:22:49] and it's got

[1:22:51] a decent,

[1:22:51] it's got a pretty

[1:22:52] good performance

[1:22:52] from A.J. Bowen

[1:22:54] and a great

[1:22:55] performance

[1:22:55] from Barbara

[1:22:56] Crampton

[1:22:56] and,

[1:22:57] yeah,

[1:22:58] she's great

[1:22:59] and there's

[1:23:00] also some

[1:23:01] really cool

[1:23:02] practical special

[1:23:03] effects in it.

[1:23:04] So,

[1:23:04] Applecart.

[1:23:06] Scary name.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:07] Yeah.

[1:23:09] I'm going to

[1:23:09] recommend a couple

[1:23:10] of horror movies

[1:23:11] too because

[1:23:12] it's Shocktober.

[1:23:13] These are both

[1:23:14] fun movies,

[1:23:16] not the greatest,

[1:23:17] like,

[1:23:17] you know,

[1:23:18] B's,

[1:23:19] not A's,

[1:23:20] but they're

[1:23:20] still enjoyable.

[1:23:22] I watched

[1:23:23] the Netflix

[1:23:24] adaptation of

[1:23:25] Geralt's Game,

[1:23:26] which,

[1:23:27] I've heard it's good.

[1:23:28] It's from that

[1:23:30] guy who did

[1:23:30] the movie Hush

[1:23:31] and the

[1:23:32] Ouija sequel

[1:23:33] that was supposed

[1:23:34] to be actually

[1:23:34] pretty good,

[1:23:35] even though the

[1:23:36] first one sucked.

[1:23:38] And it's got

[1:23:39] Bruce Greenwood

[1:23:40] and your favorite,

[1:23:42] what's her face?

[1:23:44] Carla Gugino.

[1:23:44] Carla Gugino,

[1:23:45] Dan.

[1:23:45] What's her?

[1:23:46] What's her face?

[1:23:47] What's her face?

[1:23:48] The actress you have

[1:23:49] a crush on.

[1:23:50] Who is she?

[1:23:51] Oh,

[1:23:51] yeah,

[1:23:51] the blank from

[1:23:52] Dick Tracy.

[1:23:55] And it's about,

[1:23:56] I guess,

[1:23:57] content warning.

[1:23:58] There is something

[1:23:59] that comes close

[1:24:00] to being like

[1:24:01] an attempted rape

[1:24:01] in it,

[1:24:02] but it's about

[1:24:04] a woman who gets,

[1:24:06] you know,

[1:24:06] like,

[1:24:06] goes up to the

[1:24:07] cabin with her

[1:24:08] husband for a,

[1:24:09] like,

[1:24:10] rekindling sort

[1:24:11] of weekend

[1:24:12] and they have

[1:24:13] a sex game

[1:24:14] where she gets

[1:24:15] handcuffed to the

[1:24:17] bed and he gets

[1:24:19] a little too rough

[1:24:19] with her.

[1:24:20] You're going to tell

[1:24:20] us the whole story?

[1:24:22] Well,

[1:24:22] this is the very

[1:24:23] beginning of the movie

[1:24:24] and she,

[1:24:25] and he dies.

[1:24:26] He's just taking

[1:24:27] some Viagra

[1:24:27] and his heart

[1:24:28] goes out

[1:24:29] and the rest

[1:24:30] of it is her

[1:24:30] being strapped

[1:24:31] to the bed.

[1:24:31] His heart goes

[1:24:31] out to his

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:32] listeners?

[1:24:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:34] They've suffered

[1:24:34] a lot.

[1:24:35] There's a lot

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:35] that's going on

[1:24:36] in the world

[1:24:36] today,

[1:24:37] Elliot.

[1:24:37] Yeah.

[1:24:38] Whatever happened

[1:24:39] to predictability?

[1:24:40] The milkman,

[1:24:41] paperboy,

[1:24:42] evening TV?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:44] Anyway,

[1:24:44] it's all about

[1:24:45] her survival

[1:24:46] and how she

[1:24:49] gets out of it

[1:24:49] and how she

[1:24:50] keeps her sanity

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:51] while she's

[1:24:52] strapped to the

[1:24:52] bed and no one's

[1:24:54] around to save her.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:55] And so that's

[1:24:56] pretty good.

[1:24:57] And I also

[1:24:57] actually went out

[1:24:59] and saw,

[1:25:00] had some time

[1:25:00] to kill.

[1:25:01] It slotted

[1:25:02] right into my

[1:25:02] two-hour window

[1:25:05] that I needed

[1:25:05] to fill up

[1:25:06] and I saw

[1:25:07] Happy Death Day

[1:25:08] which is a very

[1:25:10] silly movie

[1:25:10] but I enjoyed it

[1:25:12] quite a bit actually.

[1:25:13] It's not really

[1:25:14] a good horror movie

[1:25:16] in that there's

[1:25:18] no real scares

[1:25:19] in it

[1:25:19] but as kind of

[1:25:20] a comic thriller

[1:25:21] it's a lot of fun.

[1:25:24] I mean everyone

[1:25:24] I think knows

[1:25:25] the premise.

[1:25:25] It's basically

[1:25:25] Groundhog's Day

[1:25:26] with a slasher.

[1:25:28] Yeah, a slasher.

[1:25:29] And it's a nice

[1:25:31] little movie

[1:25:31] and I think

[1:25:31] that the

[1:25:32] the lead

[1:25:33] is very likable

[1:25:34] too.

[1:25:35] Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:37] That's one

[1:25:37] I'm curious

[1:25:38] to see.

[1:25:39] I'm going to

[1:25:39] recommend some

[1:25:40] scary movies too

[1:25:41] but you know

[1:25:41] what's the scariest

[1:25:42] thing guys?

[1:25:43] Depression.

[1:25:45] That's true.

[1:25:45] It is incredibly

[1:25:46] frightening.

[1:25:47] And so I recently

[1:25:48] watched two movies

[1:25:49] that dealt with

[1:25:50] depression in

[1:25:51] very different ways

[1:25:51] and I enjoyed

[1:25:53] as the wrong word

[1:25:54] because they're

[1:25:54] not happy movies

[1:25:55] but I was

[1:25:56] affected by both

[1:25:57] of them.

[1:25:57] One of them

[1:25:58] is Queen of Earth

[1:25:59] starring Elizabeth Moss

[1:26:00] which is a

[1:26:01] kind of

[1:26:01] more

[1:26:02] poetico-lyrical

[1:26:05] kind of

[1:26:06] elliptical

[1:26:07] take on

[1:26:08] someone

[1:26:09] dealing with

[1:26:09] depression

[1:26:10] and

[1:26:10] memories of

[1:26:13] when things

[1:26:14] were better,

[1:26:15] experiencing

[1:26:15] when things

[1:26:15] were bad

[1:26:16] now,

[1:26:16] and kind of

[1:26:17] the breakdown

[1:26:18] of a friendship

[1:26:19] between two

[1:26:19] women

[1:26:20] when as

[1:26:21] one of them

[1:26:22] is dealing

[1:26:23] with real

[1:26:23] serious depression

[1:26:24] and the other

[1:26:24] one is dealing

[1:26:24] with her own

[1:26:25] disappointments

[1:26:26] and things

[1:26:26] and you

[1:26:27] kind of

[1:26:27] have to

[1:26:27] puzzle out

[1:26:28] exactly what's

[1:26:28] going on

[1:26:29] with these

[1:26:29] people

[1:26:29] but I

[1:26:29] found it

[1:26:30] very

[1:26:30] affecting

[1:26:30] and the

[1:26:31] other one

[1:26:31] is Christine

[1:26:32] starring

[1:26:33] Rebecca Hall

[1:26:34] not Christine

[1:26:34] about the car

[1:26:35] that tries to

[1:26:35] kill people

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:36] but Christine

[1:26:37] the story

[1:26:37] of Christine

[1:26:38] Chubbock

[1:26:38] Is there a car

[1:26:39] in that movie

[1:26:40] though?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:40] They do

[1:26:40] driving cars

[1:26:41] yes.

[1:26:42] Christine

[1:26:42] Chubbock

[1:26:42] the local

[1:26:43] news reporter

[1:26:43] who in the

[1:26:44] 70s killed

[1:26:45] herself on air

[1:26:45] and that one

[1:26:48] is very much

[1:26:49] about a

[1:26:50] person who

[1:26:51] is dealing

[1:26:53] with depression

[1:26:54] but also in

[1:26:55] the way that

[1:26:55] it shuts her

[1:26:56] off from the

[1:26:57] people around

[1:26:57] her and she

[1:26:58] kind of can't

[1:26:59] read the

[1:27:00] signals they're

[1:27:00] sending her and

[1:27:01] they can't

[1:27:01] really understand

[1:27:02] what she's

[1:27:02] trying to get

[1:27:03] across and I

[1:27:04] found in both

[1:27:05] of these just

[1:27:07] the portrayal of

[1:27:07] it and the

[1:27:08] characters they

[1:27:08] were drawing

[1:27:09] felt so real

[1:27:10] to me and

[1:27:10] like people I've

[1:27:11] known that ways

[1:27:12] that I've felt

[1:27:12] and so I

[1:27:14] thought they

[1:27:14] were both

[1:27:14] neither of

[1:27:15] them are super

[1:27:16] perfect they both

[1:27:16] have flaws here

[1:27:17] and there but

[1:27:18] I thought they

[1:27:19] were both very

[1:27:19] affecting and

[1:27:20] very powerful

[1:27:21] presentations of

[1:27:23] it and

[1:27:24] Tracy Letts

[1:27:25] has a role in

[1:27:26] Christine playing

[1:27:27] this guy who's

[1:27:28] like kind of an

[1:27:29] asshole but at

[1:27:29] the same time

[1:27:30] you're like I

[1:27:32] found maybe just

[1:27:32] through the

[1:27:32] performance I

[1:27:33] found him more

[1:27:34] sympathetic than

[1:27:34] I would have

[1:27:35] thought and so

[1:27:36] there's a

[1:27:37] there's a wholeness

[1:27:38] to the personalities

[1:27:39] in the movies in

[1:27:40] both of them that

[1:27:41] I found very

[1:27:42] powerful so

Dan McCoy

[1:27:44] anyway Queen of

[1:27:45] Earth and

[1:27:46] Christine

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:46] super scary but

[1:27:48] there's no like

[1:27:49] monsters in them

[1:27:50] yeah except the

[1:27:51] monsters in the

[1:27:52] human psyche

[1:27:52] his name

[1:27:54] Sycor

[1:27:55] oh wow

[1:27:56] and he eats

[1:27:57] dreams

[1:27:57] oh man does

[1:27:58] he have a dog

[1:27:59] he has an evil

[1:28:00] dog and the

[1:28:01] dog carries a

[1:28:02] gold coin in

[1:28:02] its mouth and

[1:28:03] they ride on not

[1:28:04] a train but like

[1:28:04] a speedboat

[1:28:05] but it's a speedboat

[1:28:06] that goes on land

[1:28:07] with wheels it's

[1:28:08] pretty goofy

[1:28:08] I love this

[1:28:10] asylum cinema

[1:28:11] knockoff of

[1:28:13] bye bye man

[1:28:14] they thought it

[1:28:14] was gonna be a

[1:28:15] big blockbuster

[1:28:15] so they came out

[1:28:17] with like a

[1:28:18] sayonara dude

[1:28:19] adios amigo

[1:28:21] hey did you

[1:28:23] hear about the

[1:28:24] adios amigo

Dan McCoy

[1:28:24] so that this

[1:28:28] ends our two

[1:28:30] month stretch of

[1:28:31] themed shows

[1:28:32] so

[1:28:33] okay

[1:28:34] don't we have

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:35] a sandalvember

[1:28:36] coming up where

[1:28:36] we do an

Dan McCoy

[1:28:37] adam sandler

[1:28:37] movie

[1:28:38] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:38] it was never

[1:28:38] codified

[1:28:39] well I do he

[1:28:40] does have a new

[1:28:41] movie out but

[1:28:42] it's not I

[1:28:43] don't think it's

[1:28:43] supposed to be a

[1:28:44] bad movie

[1:28:44] would be pretty

[1:28:45] good

Dan McCoy

[1:28:45] so

[1:28:47] is that a

[1:28:47] no bombach movie

[1:28:48] it is no bombach

[1:28:49] fuck that

[1:28:50] what was that

[1:28:51] what were we

[1:28:52] talking about

[1:28:52] I was congratulating

[1:28:53] Adam Sandler

[1:28:53] okay cool

[1:28:54] so I guess we

[1:28:56] should sign off

[1:28:56] because we've

[1:28:57] got a big day

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:57] we're actually

[1:28:58] recording this the

[1:28:59] day that we're

[1:29:00] also doing our

[1:29:00] Toronto live show

[1:29:02] yeah

[1:29:02] it's gonna it's a

[1:29:03] crazy day and I

[1:29:04] got in at 640 this

[1:29:06] morning so it's

[1:29:07] gonna be nuts and

[1:29:08] you know what's

[1:29:09] keeping me energized

[1:29:09] and awake

[1:29:10] what's that

[1:29:10] being with my

[1:29:11] best buds

[1:29:11] oh cool

[1:29:12] I'm getting to be

[1:29:13] around them when I

[1:29:14] have in a while

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:14] Elliot's holding up

[1:29:15] two bottles of

[1:29:16] Budweiser beer

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:17] I've been saving

[1:29:19] them

[1:29:19] they're vintage

[1:29:21] they're my best

[1:29:22] buds

Dan McCoy

[1:29:23] yeah so we

[1:29:25] should sign off

[1:29:26] for the Flophouse

[1:29:27] I've been Dan

[1:29:29] McCoy

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:29] this is me saying

[1:29:31] bye bye man

[1:29:32] I'm Stuart Wellington

[1:29:33] and me saying

[1:29:34] don't say it

[1:29:34] don't think it

[1:29:35] Elliot Kalin

[1:29:36] see ya

[1:29:37] bye

[1:29:38] bye man

[1:29:39] that was

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:56] that was John

[1:29:58] McLaughlin saying

[1:29:59] off that one

[1:29:59] he'll go bye

[1:30:00] bye

Dan McCoy

[1:30:01] oh I thought he

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:04] was the one who

[1:30:05] said go

[1:30:06] bye bye

[1:30:07] maximumfun.org

Dan McCoy

[1:30:12] comedy and culture

[1:30:13] artist owned

John Hodgman

[1:30:14] listener supported

Ep. #243 - The Bye Bye Man

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