Ep. #242 - Rings LIVE!

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we discuss Rings.

[0:03] The movie, not the things.

[0:07] And we're in Los Angeles.

[0:30] And there's no change to the original lineup, dude.

[0:42] All right, let's start the actual podcast.

[0:44] Works nicely.

[0:46] Beautiful intro.

[0:47] Michelangelo the Ninja Turtle has long been a member of the cast.

[0:51] Okay, let's start it up.

[0:53] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:55] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:56] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:57] And I'm Jordan Morris.

[0:59] Sorry, I was still doing my Stewart impression in the first syllable of that.

[1:02] I'm Jordan Morris, filling in for Stewart Wellington.

[1:04] Hi.

[1:05] And we are live at the Regent Theatre in Los Angeles, California, USA.

[1:16] Now, we've already explained to the live audience,

[1:20] but we should explain to the people at home that Stewart cannot be here for this live show.

[1:23] Stewart, unfortunately, is lame.

[1:26] Yeah, well, literally.

[1:29] A literal sense of lame.

[1:31] That's not a word I should have used.

[1:33] Stewart hurt his back.

[1:35] Through some combination of having a week back

[1:39] and playing eight hours straight of board games,

[1:44] he somehow hurt his back, and he could not be here with us tonight.

[1:47] But we have filling in the ever-capable, ever-also-white-guy-with-brown-hair,

[1:53] Jordan Morris.

[1:56] Now, you're a listener of the podcast, right?

[1:59] Yes, I'm a fan, so I feel like I've won a contest or something.

[2:04] It's like a real-life Judas Priest story right up here on stage.

[2:09] Yeah, no, I mean, I actually...

[2:11] Care to explain that reference?

[2:13] For a while, Judas Priest was led by a frontman

[2:16] who had previously been the frontman of a Judas Priest tribute band.

[2:19] All right. Carry on, Jordan.

[2:22] They made two albums together.

[2:25] Not their best. There's a few okay songs on there.

[2:27] And then it was primed for the glorious return of the man himself, Rob Halford.

[2:31] Oh, yeah! Let's listen to another one of Rob Halford's great hits.

[2:35] Play it.

[2:39] We're supposed to play... You got another thing coming.

[2:41] Okay. Did not have the rights to that.

[2:44] Did not clear that.

[2:46] You gotta clear these bits with me beforehand.

[2:48] Yeah, I just... I thought you had a magic music machine.

[2:51] Mm-hmm.

[2:52] Which would be a great kids' show.

[2:54] Is this going to affect my interpretive dance to Hey Jude

[2:57] that's going to be in the second act?

[3:00] Yeah, so, you know, speedy recovery to Stuart,

[3:04] both for his benefit...

[3:07] Yeah, we want him to feel better.

[3:08] ...and for the listeners' benefit.

[3:09] Yeah, because they want to hear him, too.

[3:11] Yeah. But tonight, it's the scariest time of the year.

[3:16] Tax season. Am I right, everybody?

[3:19] Come on. Come on.

[3:23] All right.

[3:25] Guys, let's rap. Let's be honest about a few things.

[3:28] The government is taking things from us that belong to us.

[3:32] And it's time for us to stand up.

[3:34] Hey, everybody.

[3:35] I want to talk about an organization that's gotten kind of a bad rap

[3:38] in the news these days.

[3:39] It's called People Who Hate Other People for America.

[3:43] Now, hatred's gotten a bad rap,

[3:46] but you know what comes out of hatred?

[3:48] What comes out of hatred, Dan?

[3:49] Give me a positive thing that I can spin.

[3:51] What comes out of hatred?

[3:52] Yeah.

[3:53] You know what comes out of hatred?

[3:55] The song You're So Vain.

[3:57] Everybody loves it.

[4:00] Thank you. I'll sit down now.

[4:03] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:05] Oh, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie

[4:09] and then we talk about it.

[4:10] To return to my original thought, though,

[4:13] this is the time of year where we watch scary movies.

[4:16] Oh, yeah. It's Shocktober.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:19] And so tonight we watched a movie that was terrifying in its derivativeness,

[4:27] Rings, the third sequel.

[4:30] Well, the second sequel, the third movie in the Rings.

[4:32] Nice catch.

[4:33] I was going to jump all over you for that.

[4:36] If anything, like, Elliot, you've taught me to be a better man

[4:41] by being consistently mean to me.

[4:44] So I'm worried about whether you're going to attack me.

[4:46] I'm like your own private Marines drill sergeant.

[4:49] Yeah.

[4:50] Now, Rings, let's just get one thing off the bat.

[4:53] We're not talking about the Lord of the Rings movies.

[4:55] That's different Rings movies.

[4:57] And we're not talking about Say Yes to the Ring,

[4:59] a wedding show that doesn't exist.

[5:03] Are we talking about what's on the base of my penis right now?

[5:10] Dan, Dan, can I talk to you about our substitute co-host?

[5:13] Let's wrap a little.

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] He's amazing.

[5:18] He's doing a great job.

[5:19] He's doing a fantastic job.

[5:21] But don't.

[5:22] Don't tell Stuart.

[5:23] Don't let him know that and don't let Stuart know that.

[5:24] Okay.

[5:25] Because I'm going to tear him down so I can build him up.

[5:26] All right.

[5:27] Now we're talking about Rings, which is, what, the third in the Ring?

[5:30] It's the third in the Rings cycle.

[5:32] Wagner's classic works telling the story of the Ring of the Nibelungen.

[5:38] And the downfall of the Norse gods.

[5:41] Only at a live podcast do you get an applause break for a Wagner joke.

[5:46] A live podcast or the Metropolitan Opera?

[5:50] I think that if you had a Wagner joke at the Metropolitan Opera,

[5:54] the reaction you would get is shh.

[5:57] Very fair point.

[5:58] That's a good point.

[5:59] Only one way to find out, to the opera, gentlemen.

[6:02] No one's ever done a comedy set at the opera.

[6:04] We'll be breaking new ground.

[6:07] After that, can we go to the races?

[6:09] Spend a whole day there and then we'll have a monkey business.

[6:12] And then we'll go to the circus where things will not be quite as funny

[6:16] because the circus is already a crazy place.

[6:18] So to unleash crazy people there is not a weird thing.

[6:20] Natural juxtaposition is not one that creates a lot of comedy.

[6:24] But let's talk about Rings.

[6:26] Okay.

[6:27] So we're all familiar with the main deal of the Ring movies.

[6:30] There's a creepy videotape.

[6:32] You watch it and you're like, this is creepy.

[6:33] This is like a Nine Inch Nails video.

[6:35] And then you get a phone call.

[6:38] Ring, ring.

[6:39] Hello.

[6:40] And a voice says, seven days.

[6:42] Now, that means you have seven days left to live.

[6:45] But it could mean anything.

[6:46] The voice provides very little context.

[6:48] It's up to you to figure out what's going on.

[6:51] So then they made two other movies.

[6:54] What, originally, where was that movie from originally?

[6:58] The original one, yeah.

[7:01] It's a Japanese movie.

[7:02] And then where did the other ones come from?

[7:04] Gore Verbinski.

[7:05] Okay.

[7:06] Very true.

[7:08] So this is in the Gore Verbinski series.

[7:10] And should we just jump into the plot?

[7:12] Let's jump into the plot of Rings.

[7:13] The movie starts in the most hilarious way possible.

[7:16] We're on a very turbulent plane.

[7:18] And this guy is really nervous.

[7:20] And this girl across the aisle is like, hey, what's wrong?

[7:21] It's okay.

[7:22] And he goes, he literally says, you ever hear about this videotape that kills you when you watch it?

[7:26] It's like, this movie is wasting no time.

[7:33] Allow me to exposition.

[7:35] He then tells her about it and gets a nosebleed.

[7:38] He runs to the bathroom and her friend shows up and says, what was that all about?

[7:41] And then she tells her friend, there's this video that kills you when you watch it.

[7:44] Also, why isn't she sitting next to her friend?

[7:48] I mean, I assume her friend either went to the bathroom or it's like one of those musical chairs planes where everyone keeps moving around.

[7:53] Oh, yeah.

[7:54] Musical chair air.

[7:55] Musical chair air.

[7:56] You don't need a seat number.

[7:59] Oh, so it's Spirit.

[8:01] Yeah.

[8:02] Or Southwest.

[8:03] Yeah.

[8:04] Then the girl is like, her friend is like, wait, he said what?

[8:08] Both of them have seen this ring video.

[8:10] Suddenly, it's all bumpy and turbulency.

[8:13] The ring video, which, again, is a bunch of crazy, surreal scenes, black and white, grainy, that end with a creepy girl coming out of a well.

[8:21] And the ring video starts appearing on people's seat back.

[8:24] On the radar screens, the cockpit, on people's seat back.

[8:27] Everybody's just thinking to themselves, is this the weirdest episode of the Big Bang Theory ever?

[8:32] They're like, oh, I clicked on the version in flight, like the special stuff that they just make for the plane.

[8:39] Wanted to find out how they clean the plane.

[8:42] Yeah.

[8:43] I didn't need to see a creepy centipede crawling under a table.

[8:47] But it also, I like to believe that a thing came up that said, the following movie has been modified for your screen.

[8:52] Yeah.

[8:53] And then starts playing through.

[8:54] They have three categories in version.

[8:56] They have new releases.

[8:58] They have music.

[8:59] And then they have omens.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:01] If you accidentally select omen.

[9:03] Don't select that by accident.

[9:04] Because then, like, someone behind you catches a glimpse of it.

[9:06] Now, they're going to die in seven days.

[9:08] Yeah.

[9:09] There's sludge and bugs suddenly everywhere in the plane.

[9:12] Hey, it kind of sounds like Spirit Airlines, huh?

[9:15] I mean, we kind of did a Spirit Airlines joke, but.

[9:18] Piggybacking off Dad's Spirit Air joke that was very popular.

[9:21] This is the Spirit House.

[9:24] All talking about Spirit Airlines.

[9:26] Oh, a ghost on the plane.

[9:28] More like Spirit.

[9:29] OK, sorry.

[9:34] I gave Jordan, for the listeners at home, I gave Jordan a sly.

[9:37] Come on.

[9:38] Look.

[9:39] Like, come on, wise guy.

[9:41] Let's knock it off.

[9:42] We've got a show to do.

[9:43] And then, star of the Ring movies, Samara, the Ring girl herself, climbs out of the screen.

[9:49] And suddenly, your screen at home or in the movies goes to static.

[9:52] And then, everyone's favorite, ever since the Bratz movie, everyone's favorite group of words that can come up on screen.

[10:00] two years later oh it's so sweet two years later which which doesn't really

[10:08] need to play into the like it could literally just been like a week later

[10:13] and everything would have been exactly the same two years is the perfect time

[10:16] because it's long enough for everybody to forget that a plane crashed because

[10:19] of crazy ghost girls and it's not so long that you're like this tape would

[10:23] have deteriorated by now yeah and I guess I guess that that brings me to one

[10:28] of my first pieces of confusion about the movie later is that I know I have

[10:32] not this was the first ring movie I have ever seen and it seems like you can die

[10:37] an audible gasp in the crowd sorry ring heads they're called Ringo's there they

[10:46] call us all stars or Ringo's yeah so it seems like you can die two ways in this

[10:52] movie you can get ringed or you can get final destination it's what we'll get to

[10:57] that this move at a certain point Samara must have seen one of the final

[11:00] destination movies or all of them yeah and she's like they look like they're

[11:05] having fun it would save me a lot of well-crawling out of time if I can just

[11:10] arrange for crazy accidents to kill people the limits of her power are pretty

[11:15] blurry in this movie and they only get blurrier two years later it's a flea

[11:19] market of some kind and this kind of punkish girl is looking at a VCR and she

[11:23] seems to meet Johnny Galecki but it's later established that they've known

[11:28] they already know each other but their conversation appears to be two people

[11:31] who have never met before he's a collector he loves old vintage VHS stuff

[11:35] and he mentions I heard all this VHS stuff came from the family of a guy who

[11:38] died in a plane crash because this movie if here's what I learned from this movie

[11:43] people love telling each other urban legends all the time if you know an

[11:47] urban legend about anything anyone's gonna want to hear it bystanders your

[11:52] mom I don't know an interesting thing about the flea market is they're panning

[11:56] across this stuff the VCR and they show VHS tapes of both Jurassic Park and

[12:01] alien and I think that breaks a cardinal rule of filmmaking is don't remind

[12:06] people of good movies in your shitty movies a lot of times when they do that

[12:10] movies it's like this is a little bit of a challenge we're gonna beat these

[12:14] movies at their own game yeah all I could think about from that point I was

[12:16] like I wish I was watching alien yeah they should just show you like shark

[12:22] nato and demolition man it's like it could be worse right uh demolition man

[12:26] holds up pretty well thank you we got some head heads out here that's a

[12:33] demolition man that's called themselves we got some sheet seashell wipers yeah

[12:36] some fans of the least motivated nude scene ever oh you mean when someone

[12:41] literally cold calls Sylvester Stallone nude and then goes oh wrong number and

[12:45] oh it's like it's so funny and then he has a look on his face like oh like I

[12:52] don't even know that was gonna happen the future's not so bad I guess people

[12:57] still have nude bodies under their clothes in the future I thought you're

[13:00] all gonna be a bunch of robo people time to eat some Taco Bell and get this

[13:03] seashell out of my ass if you've seen demolition man it all makes sense so

[13:09] Johnny Galecki is a collector later back at his apartment with this woman that

[13:13] until the moment you see her in his apartment you thought was a stranger he

[13:17] goes he's she leaves and he watches the tape classic gets the phone call says

[13:21] seven days he goes who is this a CGI fly emerges from his joints not his elbow

[13:26] joint like he's smoking time and rain starts falling upward Oh rings title

[13:33] sequence now we cut to the next storyline because for a little bit it's a

[13:37] little hard to tell who's the main character this movie yeah it's not the

[13:40] guy who died on the plane I think I thought it was Johnny Galecki but then

[13:43] he disappears for a while maybe it's this girl Julia who's with her boyfriend

[13:47] who proceeds to tell her the story of Orpheus for no reason but he's got one

[13:52] of the original urban legend I'd love to be a mythology professor and be like you

[13:58] know in a way Greek myths were the original urban legends yeah in that

[14:02] Athens was a city-state and a legend is meant to explain a thing as our myths

[14:12] everybody turn my chair around let's talk about how Greek myths relate to our

[14:17] life now for instance one time I pissed off a god and he made it so everything I

[14:21] touched turned to gold mm-hmm so then Zeus turns into a swan and says you up

[14:34] explain the Lita story yeah okay now I should mention this is something that

[14:37] bothers me in movies that her boyfriend has which is it this is the same thing

[14:41] you've seen a lot of movies where a really attractive guy has one of those

[14:45] like every man New York Boston accents that's supposed to make you feel like I

[14:50] just a regular guy even though he's got like a 13 pack and very strong eyebrows

[14:56] but he's like he's like yeah she goes all the way down to hell just to get his

[15:00] girl yeah you know it's yeah and it's like stop it come on like you got a big

[15:06] weakness relatable I just don't like it it's like it's good like an Anakin

[15:10] Skywalker as a grown-up voice where it's like hey you're gonna make this guy down

[15:14] to earth we'll make it sound like he's from the Northeast but anyway I like

[15:19] that you're making fun of that voice and not the fact that the main woman

[15:22] character is clearly foreign but doing like a like a inexplicable accent yeah

[15:28] she is right yeah she definitely I I had to look up her country of origin yeah I

[15:33] was like I swear I was hearing some boots yeah I thought I was Canadian but

[15:39] she's Italian yeah it's out and yeah like it's she hides it pretty well but

[15:43] she'll be like it in that you don't know she's Italian but you know she's not

[15:46] American yeah it's like we've got to get out of here mama Mia yeah a few

[15:51] mama Mia's escape out yeah yeah at one point she's like she's like we got us

[15:56] we've got it we've got to set the spirit free manja manja yeah yeah she's just

[16:00] walking around humming that's from our Italian American of Italian stereotype

[16:07] show three slurs in the mountain

[16:10] Sylvester Stallone is walking out yeah I can handle the demolition man shit but

[16:15] this only one person does Sylvester Stallone around here hey guys I just

[16:26] have to be and I couldn't help but hear you were talking about my movie

[16:28] demolition man you are gonna hate my letters song anyway I should let you

[16:36] guys talk about rings maybe later we can talk about Copland yeah that was

[16:44] really supposed to be your your serious acting debut what did it yes serious

[16:49] acting debut Dan I starred in a movie that won Best Picture it's called Rocky

[16:55] I'm sorry I'm not familiar with that work uh well we made like eight of them

[16:59] it's about a guy who he's a flying squirrel yeah okay and he's living in

[17:05] Philadelphia and he's like why am I running up these stairs I could be

[17:08] flying up cuz I'm a flying squirrel but here's what you don't know Dan and it

[17:11] comes out in the movie flying squirrels don't actually fly no they just glide on

[17:17] the skin yeah there's only one mammal that can actually fly I'm sure you know

[17:21] what it is I don't here's a hint there's a superhero based on one of them

[17:30] we're just gonna sit in silence and it's gonna be great audio great audio for a

[17:35] podcast well I was gonna say a joke animal but it's a bat Dan I'm just

[17:38] disappointed you know that's why mammals there's a Batman character again I was

[17:46] gonna I was gonna say something silly but I was so stupefied by your

[17:51] inability to remember that bats exist so okay moving back on to rings Elliot

[17:59] takeover I'm gonna go now jetpack maybe you're more of a booster gold fan over

[18:04] here I guess you were too busy thinking about all yeah I don't know like a dark

[18:10] hawk or somebody yeah I was thinking a speedball not even an animal so okay

[18:19] he's he now this girl Julia her boyfriend who we learned later is named

[18:23] Holt because I guess he's a cowboy or a gun I don't know he's right it's like

[18:30] they were running through names are like okay we could call him chunk or

[18:34] punch or let's call him a Holt yeah something that could maybe pass as a

[18:39] last name yeah but we've never heard as a first name he's going to college she

[18:43] says he says in that it's good to you to stay behind take care of your mom we

[18:47] never find out what that means oh yeah well her mom never appears and when she

[18:51] thinks her boyfriend is in trouble she gets in a car drive away clearly yeah

[18:55] it's pretty they have a pretty tearful goodbye when but when shit hits the fan

[18:59] she just drives up there it's not that far away and he gives her his shirt oh

[19:03] you don't run by from his smell you know what something spooky is he says I'll

[19:08] see you on Columbus Day first of all it's spooky that she doesn't call it

[19:12] indigenous peoples day very good point thank you thank you

[19:18] lock her so you're like a social justice Bernie bro oh I'm just on drugs

[19:31] Ellie anyway six weeks later let's we got to get to okay say it let me get to

[19:37] the last day what's the tomorrow on the eve of this podcast recording Columbus

[19:44] Day oh tomorrow on the eve of this podcast yeah yeah get him Elliot Jordan

[19:56] Eve usually refers to the night before something happened

[20:00] The night after something happens is referred to as HBO's The Night After.

[20:06] It's called The Night Of, I don't know, whatever.

[20:08] It's called Boxing Day.

[20:10] The Night After is when Chris Hardwick talks about The Night Of.

[20:15] He does every show, every show.

[20:18] Yeah, we gotta get through this thing, man.

[20:20] Yeah, we're like halfway through our allotted time for it,

[20:22] and we're like a tenth of the way into the movie.

[20:24] Six weeks later, video chat, we learn he's taking experimental biology.

[20:27] I do not believe it.

[20:30] Their call is interrupted by his strangely multi-ethnic bros,

[20:33] like a gang from an 80s movie.

[20:36] They hustle him away to have some fun.

[20:38] She's woken up that night by a dream that he has returned

[20:41] to have sensual relations with her,

[20:43] but suddenly there's too many hands everywhere,

[20:45] and one of them is a scary ghost hand.

[20:47] It's just a dream.

[20:49] She gets a Skype call from a frantic girl named Skye,

[20:52] who's saying, he's a dead man.

[20:54] There's no stopping her. Find him.

[20:56] But she drives off, leaving voicemail after voicemail for Holt.

[20:59] Holt, at this point it's established,

[21:01] he's not a character who lives in real life.

[21:03] His name is Holt, he has that accent,

[21:05] and his voicemail outgoing message is,

[21:07] this is Holt, you know what to do,

[21:09] which, nobody does that, come on.

[21:11] People go through the motions of saying leave a message,

[21:14] or I'm not here, or something like that.

[21:16] Holt's dorm is unlocked,

[21:18] and she finds phones with texts from Skye on it,

[21:20] but then the battery dies.

[21:22] Her interest is piqued by perhaps the least interesting-looking

[21:25] bulletin board in the history of bulletin boards.

[21:27] It does have an Afghan wigs poster on it, I noticed.

[21:30] Maybe that's what throws her off.

[21:32] She's like, he's not a fan of the Afghan wigs.

[21:34] But she does find a key on it.

[21:36] Uh-oh.

[21:38] Enter, return to the movie,

[21:40] Johnny Galecki, in the part of Gabriel,

[21:42] a super cool professor who's given a lecture

[21:44] about how consciousness can affect the material world,

[21:47] and the universe is affected by people watching it,

[21:49] but he mentions sex and drinking,

[21:51] so you know he's a cool pro.

[21:53] It's one of these movie lectures where the professor

[21:56] just seems to be talking in vague, wide-ranging terms,

[22:00] and the class seems to last two minutes,

[22:03] and it's like, okay, well, next week, I guess,

[22:05] we'll talk about, I don't know, the world.

[22:08] It's very hard to understand what the lesson is about

[22:11] and what the class is,

[22:13] and I have to assume that the final exam is just like,

[22:16] the question is just like, bullshit a little bit.

[22:20] And then at the end, after he sends him out,

[22:22] he's like, all right, go get drunk.

[22:24] I'm wondering how often he can do that.

[22:27] I bet he just has to, because if that's the first class,

[22:30] I feel like he, in subsequent classes,

[22:32] he'll have to say, all right, go shoot heroin.

[22:34] He's got to heighten it.

[22:36] All right, everybody, go overdose.

[22:38] All right, guys, go thrill-kill a drifter.

[22:40] And the students are like, there's one nerdy,

[22:42] I wish there was one nerdy student where he goes,

[22:44] okay, go up and get drunk.

[22:46] And the nerdy student's like, is that the assignment, sir?

[22:49] Like, will we be graded on our intoxication?

[22:52] Do I have to remain that drunk until we return to class?

[22:56] But unfortunately, the movie leaves that money on the table.

[23:00] Julie is there, and Galecki tells him,

[23:02] he doesn't know Holt, she should just move on.

[23:04] Seems suspicious.

[23:05] She follows him to a secret floor of a building

[23:08] that needs a special elevator key,

[23:10] the key that she got from a bulletin board,

[23:12] because there's a key on it.

[23:13] This is the moment at which it really feels like

[23:15] you're playing a video game,

[23:17] and you lose key on elevator.

[23:20] Like, the fact that she, like, picked up a key in the first place

[23:23] is like any number of role-playing games,

[23:26] where you just come across the thing,

[23:28] it's like, well, there's a thing on a desk,

[23:30] got to pick it up, put it in my bag,

[23:31] it's going to come in useful somehow.

[23:33] There's another draft of the movie

[23:34] where she's just trying to shove his Afghan wigs poster

[23:37] into the keyhole.

[23:38] It's not working.

[23:39] I picked the unusual thing.

[23:41] Should have put his Scissor Sisters poster in here.

[23:45] She finds on the seventh floor a video camera,

[23:48] I don't know why that's there,

[23:49] and an academic paper about Samara

[23:52] written by Galecki's character, Gabriel,

[23:54] which I guess is just left out on a desk in the hallway

[23:56] for someone to read while they're waiting to be let in?

[23:58] I don't know.

[23:59] She walks into their special lab,

[24:01] where she sees a wall of photos of victims of Samara,

[24:04] or people have watched the video,

[24:06] and you know that because their faces are kind of distorted

[24:08] as if the camera doesn't quite work,

[24:09] or there's water on the lens or something,

[24:11] or it's through a keyhole or something like that.

[24:14] And it's the style of the lab that she's in,

[24:16] it's kind of like a science lab

[24:17] slash the place that they hang out in in Hackers,

[24:20] where there's a lot of loud music and couches

[24:23] and everyone's a little too cool for school.

[24:25] Yeah, it's like a really sexy A.V. club.

[24:28] Yeah.

[24:29] It's kind of like the way that in Flatliners,

[24:31] in the old one, I haven't seen the new one,

[24:32] because it's not out yet,

[24:33] in the old one, the operating theater

[24:35] that they're all learning in is dimly lit

[24:37] and there's tapestries on the walls everywhere.

[24:39] I'm sorry, George, when you say really sexy A.V. club,

[24:43] I feel like you're being redundant.

[24:46] I just, you know, I didn't want that to pass.

[24:54] It's only right, it's like when I said

[24:56] fuckable Renaissance fair.

[24:58] Exactly.

[25:00] 20% of the audience just went, hey!

[25:05] On the wall of photos, one of them is Holt,

[25:08] and she overhears Skye talking to Gabriel about Holt,

[25:11] and it's like, this is wrong, what we're doing,

[25:13] he's promised me a tail, blah, blah, blah,

[25:15] and there's countdown clocks for each of the characters.

[25:17] What does that mean?

[25:19] Then Julia runs into Skye in the parking garage

[25:21] and goes, hey, I'm looking for Holt.

[25:22] They go to Skye's dorm, where Skye's painted

[25:24] a ring design on the ceiling.

[25:26] It's artsy, you know?

[25:28] And Julia manages to text Holt from Skye's phone

[25:31] and Holt says, don't watch, don't watch,

[25:33] and Julia locks herself in the bedroom

[25:35] as Skye sets the ring video up playing on her laptop.

[25:38] Uh-oh, or does it play on its own?

[25:40] I don't remember.

[25:41] She smashes it, gets a nosebleed,

[25:43] and an alarm goes off.

[25:45] That's the amount of time that was allotted to her

[25:47] by the phone call, and she's not dead yet,

[25:49] and she's like, I won, bitch!

[25:50] That's what she yells, channeling Freddy Krueger

[25:52] for a moment.

[25:54] But even though she unplugs her TV,

[25:56] Samara shows up and scarifies her in such a way

[25:59] that she's frozen into a horrifying rictus

[26:02] that also looks like a pretty funny Halloween

[26:05] set dress decoration.

[26:07] Like you'd find it like an abracadabra store?

[26:10] You say that as if that's something I know about.

[26:13] Dan, if ever anyone,

[26:16] I understand the audience doesn't know abracadabra stores,

[26:19] if ever anyone is going to know it, it's you,

[26:21] a guy who loves magic and Halloween decorations

[26:23] and corny stuff like that.

[26:25] Yeah, that's true.

[26:26] And does it maybe have like a sideshow feel about it?

[26:29] Quite, yes.

[26:31] And there's just a wall of costumes of sexy versions

[26:33] of things that are not very sexy.

[26:36] Can we go there right now?

[26:39] After the show.

[26:40] So Samara comes out and kills her.

[26:42] Dan's just hoping they have a sexy meter reader.

[26:45] Yeah, there's a song about it, Rita.

[26:47] Meter maid.

[26:49] He goes on a date with her.

[26:51] I haven't heard this song.

[26:52] But her sisters are there, so they don't really get that much going on.

[26:54] But there's a lot of heavy breathing in the song at one point.

[26:57] So you gotta assume that she has a dog that he pets.

[27:00] And that's just the dog panting.

[27:02] Now, Elliot.

[27:04] This better be about Rita Meter Maid, the song.

[27:07] No, no, no.

[27:08] Far be it from me to critique your synopsizing prowess.

[27:12] But you're synopsizing as if we are doing our normal two-hour long show.

[27:15] Oh, you're right.

[27:16] Okay, so anyway, here's what you need to know.

[27:18] Well, I do want to mention that Julia finds Skye's body sitting in a chair,

[27:21] which means that Samara killed her and then set her up in the chair,

[27:24] which was very nice of her.

[27:26] Holt is there.

[27:27] And it turns out, let me just break it down to you.

[27:29] We don't need to go scene by scene on that.

[27:31] Gabriel is studying the ring phenomenon.

[27:33] And the way he does this is by having his students watch the video

[27:36] and find somebody that they can show the video to lift the curse off of them.

[27:39] And that's called a tail.

[27:41] But it's too late for Holt.

[27:43] The tail is too late.

[27:45] So while he's sleeping, Julia decides to sacrifice herself.

[27:48] And she watches the video.

[27:50] Uh-oh, gets the death call.

[27:52] But she starts hallucinating.

[27:53] She's in a creepy dungeon.

[27:55] She goes for a door handle.

[27:56] It burns her hand.

[27:57] It's actually a phone.

[27:58] There's braille burned into her hand we find out later.

[28:00] Yeah.

[28:02] That'll be important later in the second movie that's in this movie.

[28:05] Yeah, that's what I was about to say.

[28:07] Up until now, the movie has had kind of an interesting idea,

[28:10] which is let's take the ring and let's see what would happen

[28:13] if some scientists were trying to science-ify this and study the ring.

[28:18] Because there should be a scientific explanation

[28:20] for how a ghost girl can use a videotape to kill people in seven days.

[28:24] And I think it's a critique on academia,

[28:27] like getting loose on this college campus.

[28:30] Like, here's some college kids who really need a safe space.

[28:36] What I wish is that I wish it was about a technology company that was like,

[28:44] Scenario's killing people in seven days.

[28:46] We believe we can cut that in half.

[28:49] We want to make the ring more efficient,

[28:52] and we want to unlock those efficiencies.

[28:55] A ring subscription will cost $300.

[28:59] But yeah, this is the part of the movie where it gets into the second movie,

[29:03] which is basically just a rehash of The Ring.

[29:05] Because, oh, except in that, when Julia sees the video,

[29:09] there's stuff in it that's never been in the video before.

[29:12] It appears Samara is talking directly to her through the video

[29:16] with clues of some kind.

[29:18] And are they going to try to solve those clues?

[29:21] You better believe it, Buster.

[29:23] Was that my line?

[29:25] You better believe it, Buster.

[29:27] That's what I have written down right here.

[29:29] So they go off.

[29:31] Johnny Galecki has to stay to talk to the police

[29:33] because I don't think they hired him for enough days

[29:35] to have him go to the rest of the movie, really.

[29:37] And yeah, it goes from the first movie,

[29:39] which is the idea of studying The Ring,

[29:41] and it's loose on a college campus,

[29:43] to the second movie, which is,

[29:44] they're going to go to a small town and investigate

[29:46] the mystery of Samara, the girl from The Ring.

[29:48] Now, if you've seen the first movie, The Ring,

[29:50] you're like, they solved that mystery.

[29:52] She's a dead girl who got thrown down a well,

[29:54] and now her ghost comes out and kills people.

[29:56] Hey, do you ever think about the story of Samara's mom?

[30:00] um and how is Vincent D'Onofrio involved at all this? I hope he does a extravagant performance.

[30:09] In some ways it's actually pretty dialed down. It's a little restrained for Vincent D'Onofrio.

[30:13] Considering I once saw him in a play. That's right it's time for Elliot Kalin's

[30:17] all right famous people. Everyone's favorite podcast within a podcast. Elliot Kalin theater

[30:23] name dropper.

[30:32] Now that you're in LA your name drops will go from like oh I saw this person in a play to

[30:37] I saw this person at a CVS. Can't wait. And they were giving a very hammy performance. I saw

[30:44] Vincent D'Onofrio in a play and I was in the front row and there were times when I thought he would

[30:48] jump off the stage and murder me because he was so intense. He was like stamping the ground and

[30:54] breathing really hard and I was like this man was been possessed by a rhinoceros.

[30:58] And this is the weirdest production of the music man I have ever seen.

[31:03] I'm a librarian.

[31:09] So they go to this town. Julia's hallucinating things that are related to the video. She

[31:13] hallucinates a pregnant woman. What do you want to bet that's Samara's mom that she's seeing visions

[31:17] of. They go to the church where. Talk about a pregnancy from hell.

[31:25] A pregnancy from hell. Please stop. Please give me my personal space. Okay.

[31:33] This is where the pregnancy from hell I'd rather fly on Spirit Airways.

[31:37] I'm a bad little boy.

[31:51] You're very bad. Very little boy. You're very committed to this character.

[31:56] A little stinker.

[31:56] Oh no. Is that a lollipop? What is that? He's miming something. Anyway.

[32:05] They call me the anti-improv. I'm like what is that you're doing?

[32:10] You're crazy. Here's where we start to realize that maybe Julia is not the best crime solver

[32:14] because they're like we got to find her body so we can burn it and set her free.

[32:18] It takes them a few steps to realize maybe start at the cemetery. That's where the bodies go.

[32:23] They do manage to find an unmarked crypt or rather a demarked crypt. The cross was removed.

[32:28] She gets stuck in it. She finds carved into the wall the words she will find you Julia.

[32:33] And there's a lot of hallucinations where she's getting pulled into a well. Luckily they're saved

[32:36] by a man with a dog who takes them to Vincent D'Onofrio the blind caretaker who says oh so

[32:42] you're looking for the girl. It turns out D'Onofrio saw Samara's visions too and was blinded.

[32:47] That would be cool if he if he was like I'm blind now but while I could see I

[32:52] fought a blind guy and then it's fucking daredevil.

[32:58] Would that be so fucking cool? It would be very interesting for the ring to suddenly

[33:04] become part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes yes. And then Stanley is like I don't see

[33:09] what's so bad about this video. I don't know where where along the way they would do it is he

[33:17] would crawl out of the well first. It's so dirty down there. Enough said. Anyway we'll move along

[33:24] faster. Okay. Gabriel comes to try to warn them about something but in the most final destination

[33:30] anything of all there there the road has been blocked. They can't leave town. Nobody seems to

[33:35] notice his overturned car with him in it until Julia just stumbles on it. They have roped off

[33:40] the whole crime scene before they discover the other dead guy. Yeah. And I want to make clear

[33:46] Gabriel is coming because he has discovered that the burn on Julia's hand is Braille.

[33:52] Is Braille. Which you would think would come in to play with the blind man. Like the blind man

[33:58] would like touch her hand at some point. My guess was that Samara would have somehow written in

[34:02] Braille the video on there. Yeah. When the blind man was like what's this Braille.

[34:08] It says it says centipede girl in a well. Static static woman brushing hair mirror static

[34:17] girl gets out of well. Oh no. Which what are the rules of the of the ring. If you had a flip book

[34:23] version of the ring would that work. A flip book version. Yeah sure. Of the video I mean. Yeah.

[34:28] None of the movie. That would be a long flip book. Or one of those like things with like

[34:33] little slits. Zoetrope. Yeah. Yeah. Or just a podcast of Ira Glass explaining all the images

[34:39] to you. Tonight in four acts. Creepy stuff. Act one. Everyone knows that the ring is a videotape

[34:49] but what if it wasn't. Tonight in four acts. Production from my boss Tory Malatia who says

[34:56] nail going into fingernail. So this is where it gets Final Destination because he's like dying

[35:02] and he's like I got this thing to tell you. And then a telephone pole falls down and smashes

[35:08] into the car and a live wire electrocutes him. And it's like did Samara do that or is the

[35:12] infrastructure bad in this town. Yeah. Seems awfully coincidental. At this point my notes

[35:19] say movie really seems to be spinning its wheels as the characters hang around the bed and breakfast

[35:24] they're staying out for a while. They find themselves watching the video again. Just like

[35:29] we're already dying. Yeah. Bad bad bad Wi-Fi in the B&Bs. Yeah. Well I finished all of Kimmy

[35:35] Schmidt so they're like what do we got here. We got the video. I've heard good things about Bojack

[35:40] but I don't know if I'm really in the mood for it. Yeah. It's an exploration of depression. So

[35:45] I don't know if I'm already pretty sad because I'm going to die in a couple of days. It's also

[35:49] this point that I'd completely lost track of the timelines like do they have one day left or six

[35:53] days. Yeah. But Julia breaks into the church at night to investigate. And meanwhile her boyfriend

[36:00] goes to the much less dangerous route of going to the local diner and interviewing the proprietor

[36:04] of the bed and breakfast to ask her who's there was that girl in the picture that my girlfriend's

[36:09] been hallucinating. Tell me what that is. Julia finds a trapdoor in the bottom of the church

[36:14] finds a cell of some kind where someone was taken prisoner and realizes this was where Samara's mom

[36:20] was being held while she was pregnant. Which is kind of like making this movie a kind of a

[36:24] dark Kimmy Schmidt. Yeah. I guess you're right. Yeah. Dark Kimmy Schmidt is my favorite Marvel

[36:31] character from the 80s by the way. Yeah. They wanted to like grim and gritty of Kimmy Schmidt.

[36:36] Right. Just give her the Phoenix Force and then. Thanks bearded guy down front who

[36:44] honestly laughed a little too hard when I said Phoenix Force. Honestly the Phoenix Force joke

[36:48] was going to be gotten by a bearded guy. Yeah. Oh I know. I'll see after the show.

[36:54] Anyway Julia is one of those movie characters where she doesn't piece clues together so much

[36:58] as hallucinations pop in when she needs to to tell her what's going on. It is a it's a video game

[37:02] like cut scenes show. Yeah. When she finds certain clues a cut scene will show up that just appears

[37:06] that it just tells her what was going on. She finds out there was this priest that did it and

[37:12] that that kept her hostage and the priest went blind. Wait a minute. We know someone blind.

[37:19] That's right. That's right. We do. We do know someone Stevie Wonder Stevie Wonder.

[37:26] Next turns out has never been blind at all. It was all a ruse all a ruse to get that sweet

[37:33] blind money. That's like that's like a real conspiracy theory. There's Stevie Wonder truthers.

[37:40] Yeah. What about Ray Charles though in the Ray Charles truthers.

[37:44] Have I confused my blind guys. No I'm just wondering. No there's still like this. I've

[37:48] seen like a video that people post where it's like Stevie Wonder catches something that's

[37:52] like falling over and his radar sense and stick taught him how to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Daredevil

[37:59] Daredevil Daredevil Daredevil on Netflix. Yeah. Also in comic books apparently. Anyway Julia

[38:09] goes to the priest and is like hey or this this act she doesn't know that Vincent D'Onofrio was

[38:15] the priest to kidnap this woman and she shows up and she's like hey that woman that went missing

[38:20] that was Samara's mom and it kind of she kind of figures out what's going on when he starts

[38:25] attacking her. Yeah. And he gets out a bat and says she didn't take my sight. I did. I had

[38:30] visions too. I had visions of giving life to a child who would change the world and she did

[38:36] and she's running away from him and the movie turns into a really quick like five minute version

[38:42] of the movie. Don't breathe for a while. He turns out the lights and the house seems to be just as

[38:46] bright with the lights off which leads me either. She drove up to the house and did not turn her

[38:51] headlights off. Oh that's no good. The battery is going to be drained later on. Or like for a moment

[38:56] they were like originally we wanted this town to be above the Arctic Circle so it's daytime all the

[39:01] time and then we changed that in the scripts. It's fine that it's still light all the time everywhere

[39:06] right. She is running around. He's running after her. He starts yelling you're the 12th person who

[39:11] tried to help Samara but I've stopped all of them. No one got this far before though. Yeah. And I

[39:15] should have just let Evelyn that's the pregnant woman. She wanted to kill Samara. I should have

[39:19] just let her. And Julia pushes him down a flight of stairs and he is knocked out at the bottom of

[39:24] the flight. Dead maybe. We don't know. She finds out. If I know horror movies he is.

[39:30] There is no reason to check on it. She gets to a room full of bird cages. No not the movie The Birdcage.

[39:39] That would have been more my boyfriend's VHS tapes.

[39:45] Sometimes you hurt me. And she starts getting a nosebleed which I guess tells me that either

[39:51] the seven days are up or allergies and her nasal passages are pretty dry. She finds there's a

[39:56] plastered over part of the wall and she breaks it open and there's a

[40:00] Skeleton inside Samara's skeleton bump bump bump now was I remembering correctly?

[40:05] I thought they found Samara's body at the end of the first ring movie. Yeah, I it's I

[40:10] Haven't seen it since it was in the theaters

[40:13] But like it certainly feels like they found Samara's body like did I didn't see a ring, too

[40:17] Did they put her body in like a local history museum, and then it got stolen in the middle

[40:23] They put a FedEx box and mailed it off at the end of the movie. You're like where did that go?

[40:27] It was actually in the original

[40:29] Tom Hanks and Castaway mix it up. That's what that's the end of the movie when he delivers that one box

[40:36] Samara's body I

[40:38] Don't know if you remember the advertising for this movie, but the tagline was you thought they found her body

[40:44] Don't worry about it. I

[40:48] Feel like the tagline move is rings. Do you remember the first movies that well? Well, we don't either

[40:53] Anyway

[40:56] Finds the body, but Colt walks into the house, but the priest isn't lying at the bottom of the stairs. Uh-oh

[41:01] Hits him with a bat

[41:03] D'Onofrio attacks, or he shouts a lot of random religious malarkey cicadas are swarming all over the house

[41:09] Suddenly Julia's phone starts playing the ring video and Julia starts flashing back to the clues in the video

[41:14] And it's like yeah, I remember I got it. I've been watching the movie

[41:17] And Samara tells Julia don't leave me in her in her head. I guess and Samara comes out of the phone

[41:23] Heals D'Onofrio's eyes and kills him and it's like wait a minute

[41:28] Hold on this seems like a very new power for Samara to suddenly have yeah

[41:32] It's like the end of Superman to when Superman takes the like super ass off his and just throws it at the guy

[41:37] He kisses Lois Lane, and she's like I don't remember anything anymore

[41:40] Yeah, sir. Mrs. Megan. I mean that's at least true the Superman comics. We're in the old Jermaine comics

[41:45] They'd be like I can always do this and he does this does the thing yeah?

[41:48] There's that one where I guess it's called Superman's new power

[41:51] where he gains the power to shoot a miniature Superman out of his hands and

[41:55] The miniature Superman has all of his powers and gets really popular and Superman starts getting really sad

[42:01] He's not as popular anymore. There's a little miniature Superman like I don't remember that story ends

[42:06] Maybe he eats the little Superman. I don't know I don't remember

[42:11] But anyway, it's kind of like that

[42:13] I got nothing to add to that. It's like what powers does Samara have come on

[42:18] They burn Samara's body, and they say you're free Samara. That's the end of the movie

[42:22] It's a horror movie so that it's closure is what you get right?

[42:25] No, what you get is the same twist from the first movie where they're like. Oh, you know helping her out

[42:30] No, that was a bad thing to do because Holt he gets Gabriel's message that it was Braille finally

[42:35] He looks up the mark on Julia's hand. He looks it up on a Braille translator that hit takes him so long to type in

[42:41] Julia's enough time to take a shower peel some skin off of her hands and then hock up a bunch of Samara's hair

[42:48] which a bug crawls out of and

[42:51] Then it finds out it turns out the Braille means rebirth

[42:54] Oh

[42:55] Suddenly like some kind of Russian virus bot it takes over all the contacts and Julia's email contacts

[43:01] And it's just emailing them all the ring video and as anyone would when they get a suspicious video from someone

[43:08] I know they watch it immediately

[43:11] They don't say like what is this? Why did you send me?

[43:14] This is someone trying to in Nigeria trying to get money from me. I don't understand. Did you get hacked?

[43:18] They all watch it and they all write back stuff like crazy video. What's that mean Julia?

[43:22] What's this all about ill gross like everybody's at their computers? I guess maybe their phones

[43:26] They are not doing anything that they cannot stop and immediately watch a video. That's an email to them

[43:31] They're all so close to Julia that they would they're gonna take the time to watch it

[43:35] Yeah, I gotta tell you friends of mine

[43:37] Close friends will email me things they've worked on and it will take me forever to watch it

[43:43] Or even if you start watching the video if I feel like if I started watching the video I would start it

[43:48] I mean like oh, there's no cat in this

[43:51] Think maybe Samara started throwing in cats just a couple cute cats

[43:55] I would literally I would look at how long the video isn't and be like, mm-hmm 25 seconds. No, thanks

[44:01] Drag drag drag and and Samara calls was like, uh four days because he watched it so fast

[44:09] 20 years now they freed Samara because I guess her bones were holding her back

[44:13] even though she seemed to have total control of time and space before this and she is free to attack the whole world and

[44:19] Julia wipes the mirror front of steam and Samara's there and it made me think like so did she become Samara?

[44:26] I believe that's the implication like this is a kind of an evil version of the Santa Claus

[44:29] Really?

[44:30] She became Samara this movie connects so many fictional universes

[44:36] It's also in that uh, so saying elsewhere universe. Yes. Yeah

[44:41] I'm so less scared of the ring knowing it's all inside that kid's head

[44:44] Yeah, and like the ultimate evil in this is like a Rick roll that killed you

[44:51] That would be what if it ended with never gonna give you up at the end of it never gonna kill this guy

[44:57] Never gonna say goodbye

[44:59] Anyway, no good. Well done. So

[45:02] So it's almost like went going into this movie

[45:05] I was like, it's probably they're probably gonna update it and it's gonna be that like the videos up on YouTube

[45:09] That's it. It's like that doesn't kind of happen until the end of the movie

[45:14] Yeah, the most obvious thing they could have done but I guess at that point you could have dealt with actually it would have been

[45:19] Really great if you dealt with the ring is released on the video not the movie

[45:23] Until the videos on you movies on the ring is released on DVD

[45:25] The ring is released on DVD the that the the Samara videos on YouTube and people start like making memes and gifs out of it

[45:35] Just as fake and gay underneath

[45:40] Samaras feelings are really hurt. Yeah, I can't kill anybody. I'm a human being this

[45:46] I want like I want to see a still I like a freeze-frame of Samara with her head cocked to the side and in big

[45:51] Blocks answer of letters. It just says like please tell me about your problems. I'm very interested

[45:57] When Bay says you only have seven days to live

[46:02] This could have been us but

[46:05] Yeah, this could have been us but you a ghost

[46:09] And

[46:10] Then someone does the thing where it like it pauses and then sunglasses animate down onto Samara's face joint goes in her mouth

[46:17] Yeah, yeah popcorn all that stuff Samara drinking tea. It's all great. Yeah

[46:22] I think I if that had been the movie I would have liked yes rings

[46:28] We should do our final judgment so we can actually get some time and talk to the audience talk to the people

[46:34] so the shocktober categories

[46:37] This scarily scarifying. Okay, so really scarily bad good

[46:43] Totally snort flying guys as a fan of the show or frighteningly funny

[46:47] I think I speak for everyone when I say the shocktober shits confusing

[46:52] It is to me, too

[46:54] It is to me, too. I don't I'm not always sure what the line is between snore flying and frighteningly funny

[47:01] And what is it frightening about how funny it is?

[47:04] It's just a literate of Elliot. I

[47:08] mean you're a guy who in the beginning your presentation for you said that Clark Kent was an

[47:12] Example of alliteration and I don't know if that's technically true. Yeah, that's the same sound from two different letters

[47:18] Oh the sound it's not the letters sound is what makes a little hands right in yeah

[47:25] Right into it's the letters not the sounds care of the flop house one, two, three Elliot's right Street

[47:31] Dan's wrong USA 2400 that well, I understand the

[47:36] Categories perfectly. So why don't you go first? I'm gonna say this is invented them totally snore a fine

[47:41] Okay

[47:41] I'm gonna go with you on snore a fine because it was it's there were a lot of times when it felt like we were

[47:46] Watching just like the direct-to-video

[47:48] Version of the ring. Yeah, and but that but they kind of teased you in the beginning with like a crazy movie

[47:53] We're at college professors are having like a symposium on the ring video, which would have been amazing

[47:58] But Jordan, I think you might have had a different feeling. Yeah. No, I think I will go. I will go slightly snore a fine

[48:04] I think there are worse. There are worse movies to watch if a

[48:09] Podcast hosts hurts himself and you have to fill in for him. Yeah, there are words all been that very specific

[48:16] Circumstances. Yeah, ever you guys can relate, huh?

[48:21] Yeah, there are worse movies are a couple a couple of good scares a couple of kind of cool

[48:25] Yeah, one of the good scares. I liked when she was yep

[48:28] No, no say and then I'll say my least favorite scare in the whole movie

[48:30] I thought it was pretty creepy when she was locked in the tomb. I think I I'll give you that

[48:35] Yeah, scary situation to be in. Yeah much like I felt when I was a kid watching Nickelodeon's

[48:39] Are you afraid of the dark? Sure. I said this is not scary. But if it happened to me, I'd be pretty scared. Yeah

[48:45] There's one thing that I think is supposed to be a jump scare

[48:48] I'm not sure where it's very quiet for a while

[48:51] As they go to the church, they go that church isn't a church anymore and they walk in

[48:54] I think there's an a meeting going on which is still they do in churches

[48:57] So yeah, yeah, not very good evidence for not like I expected them to go, you know

[49:00] It's not a church anymore and they go in and it's an Arby's I

[49:05] Would that is clearly not a church with the AA meeting right? It's still a big you it's very

[49:11] Kind of church

[49:15] They go in there it's very quiet and then suddenly here and it's the sound of an umbrella being opened outside

[49:21] Yeah, and I was like was that supposed to unnerve me? Like that's the lamest jump scare like no, it's an umbrella

[49:28] It's raining out

[49:31] Thank you Elliot, isn't that scary

[49:35] It's gonna get frizzy

[49:38] You didn't bring a raincoat your your shoes are suede

[49:48] You put suede protector on and but you've properly sprayed it

[49:53] This is a very specific ghost

[49:56] Make sure to coat thoroughly next time

[50:00] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

[50:05] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.

[50:07] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

[50:10] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[50:12] You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people

[50:15] who have submitted disputes to my internet court

[50:18] at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[50:20] I hear their cases. I ask them questions.

[50:22] They're good ones.

[50:23] And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.

[50:25] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

[50:27] my dad has been forced to retire

[50:29] one of the worst dad jokes of all time.

[50:31] Instead of cutting his own hair with a Flowbee,

[50:34] my husband has his hair cut professionally.

[50:37] I have to join a community theater group.

[50:39] And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

[50:42] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[50:44] Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org

[50:47] or wherever you download podcasts.

[50:51] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

[50:58] Hey, you with the headphones.

[51:00] Just between you and me, the MaxFun Store

[51:02] just got some of that sweet, sweet new merchant stock.

[51:05] You know, that merch from your favorite MaxFun shows?

[51:08] Could be posters, tote bags, shirts, stickers, patches, aprons.

[51:11] We got it all.

[51:13] Well, we got a lot.

[51:15] Point is, there's some new stuff.

[51:17] Go to MaxFunStore.com.

[51:20] Hey, it's Stan here, flying solo again.

[51:23] Thanks for listening to our live episode.

[51:25] We had a lot of fun in L.A.

[51:27] We had a lot of fun with Jordan Morris.

[51:29] We were sad that, of course, Stuart couldn't make it there.

[51:32] But we're hoping to have a lot of fun with him in Toronto.

[51:35] We got a few ads for you.

[51:37] The first is for ZipRecruiter.

[51:39] What if hiring could be easier,

[51:41] more streamlined, and less time-consuming?

[51:44] Well, with ZipRecruiter, you can post your job

[51:46] to over 100 job boards with just one click.

[51:49] And ZipRecruiter doesn't depend

[51:51] on the right candidates finding you.

[51:53] It finds them by actively notifying

[51:56] qualified candidates about your job.

[51:58] No wonder 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter

[52:01] get a quality candidate through the site in just one day.

[52:04] And right now, our listeners can post jobs

[52:06] on ZipRecruiter for free.

[52:08] Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Flophouse.

[52:11] That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Flophouse.

[52:15] So that's a great message for all the business owners out there,

[52:18] people who are not me because I could never understand

[52:21] anything about business if you explained it to me

[52:24] like a child for three days running.

[52:27] But I hope that it's useful to you.

[52:31] We're also sponsored by Blue Apron.

[52:35] For less than $10 per person per meal,

[52:38] Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes

[52:40] along with pre-portioned ingredients

[52:42] to make delicious home-cooked meals.

[52:45] This week, or not this week, but upcoming,

[52:48] what do we got?

[52:50] Now listen to this.

[52:51] We got cheesy chicken and black bean enchiladas

[52:53] with salsa verde.

[52:55] That's green salsa for those of you

[52:58] who don't understand Spanish.

[53:01] We got shrimp marinara with spaghetti, spinach, and parsley.

[53:06] Maple gravy smothered pork chops

[53:08] with stewed collard greens and sweet potatoes.

[53:12] I like anything that's got smothered in it.

[53:14] We got spiced cauliflower and pepper with jasmine rice

[53:17] and cilantro yogurt sauce.

[53:19] It all sounds great.

[53:20] Check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first meal

[53:23] with free shipping by going to blueapron.com.

[53:28] That's blueapron.com.

[53:31] It sounded so delicious that Archie jumped up on the table

[53:34] as if to say,

[53:36] give me some of that sweet Blue Apron treat.

[53:39] I don't know if that's a good slogan,

[53:41] sweet Blue Apron treat.

[53:44] It felt right in the moment because it rhymed,

[53:46] but it doesn't actually, I don't know.

[53:49] Anyway, moving on.

[53:52] We got a couple of Jumbotrons out this week,

[53:55] and I dearly hope that the people who bought these Jumbotrons

[53:59] are still getting their money's worth

[54:01] and people didn't turn off the radio machine.

[54:04] Let's call your phone a radio machine, guys.

[54:06] Let's get that started.

[54:08] Didn't turn off the podcast

[54:10] as soon as they heard my voice alone doing ads,

[54:13] but we can only hope.

[54:15] The first Jumbotron is for the Smash Fiction Podcast.

[54:20] The Smash Fiction Podcast settles the unsettlable.

[54:24] When beloved fictional characters clash,

[54:27] which one will win?

[54:29] Smash Fiction is a comedy podcast

[54:31] where a rotating cast of geeks

[54:33] debate on behalf of their chosen characters,

[54:35] and an impartial judge decides the winner.

[54:38] Dr. Strange vs. Voldemort,

[54:40] Mal Reynolds vs. Han Solo,

[54:42] a yearly Nick Cage four-way cage mash

[54:45] inspired by our favorite movie podcast.

[54:47] Plus, every month we do an ongoing RPG

[54:49] where we play fictional characters

[54:51] in an epic crossover adventure.

[54:53] So that's Smash Fiction.

[54:55] And it's apparently run by a rotating cast of geeks.

[54:59] They don't specify whether this is a film geek

[55:02] or whether they are biting the heads off chickens

[55:05] in the middle of their podcast.

[55:07] The only way you can figure that out is by listening.

[55:10] And the second message is for Charlene,

[55:14] the Blade of Honor.

[55:16] And it's from Rosie and Chris,

[55:18] soon-to-be-same-last-name-withheld.

[55:20] Dearest Charlene,

[55:22] thank you for being our unicorn,

[55:24] but not the way kids these days mean it.

[55:26] I really was wondering, so thanks for the clarification.

[55:29] You made Rosie's hidden party frightfully fun,

[55:32] and will keep the wedding from becoming

[55:34] totally scarifying or totally snorifying.

[55:37] Hopefully soon we can all live on a corgi ranch together.

[55:40] Well, I mean, if you're the unicorn,

[55:43] I mean, you're confusing what kind of unicorn it is,

[55:46] because now you want to live on a corgi ranch together.

[55:49] Anyway, going on.

[55:51] We promise not to get divorced,

[55:53] as that would be for the drobs.

[55:55] Love you.

[55:57] I don't know the word drobs.

[55:59] I've been taught a new term today.

[56:01] I'll look that up.

[56:03] But while I look that up,

[56:05] back to listening to The Flophouse,

[56:07] live in Los Angeles.

[56:09] So now is when we should move on

[56:11] to talk to the audience.

[56:13] There's two microphones, I think, set up.

[56:16] There's two, yeah.

[56:18] One on each side of the theater.

[56:21] Thank you for helping me.

[56:23] You seem so unsure of the words.

[56:25] So if people have questions,

[56:27] they can come up to the microphones.

[56:29] We'll try and get as many as we can.

[56:31] We're going to try to get some in.

[56:34] Unfortunately, you ran long.

[56:36] We just don't have a lot of time for things

[56:38] that'll take time up.

[56:40] We don't have time for filler.

[56:42] Let's get straight to the questions.

[56:44] We just don't have time

[56:46] for anything other than questions.

[56:48] Let's take a question,

[56:50] perhaps a suggestion,

[56:52] an interjection, maybe a question.

[56:54] That's right, I said questions twice.

[56:57] Because your questions are awfully nice,

[57:00] and I appreciate your being here in Los Angeles.

[57:03] Nothing I can think of rhymes with Los Angeles,

[57:06] except perhaps the composer Vangelis

[57:09] that rhymes with Los Angeles.

[57:11] Blade Runner 2049,

[57:14] in theaters now.

[57:16] A sequel to Blade Runner.

[57:18] Which Vangelis did the music for?

[57:20] That's the way that I explain that reach.

[57:24] All right.

[57:26] Thanks, guys.

[57:29] Thank you.

[57:31] But really, we should move on

[57:34] to the second part of the song.

[57:37] That's right, it's a cycle.

[57:39] It goes on too long.

[57:41] Hey, everybody, remember when I said

[57:43] that we didn't have time for a lot of stuff?

[57:46] Well, I was right.

[57:48] Tonight, don't fight.

[57:50] Turn on the lights.

[57:52] Or, Spider-Man, turn off the dark.

[57:56] Some kind of alarm went off.

[58:00] All right.

[58:02] Sam, are you okay?

[58:04] Are we doing this now?

[58:06] Yeah, we're going to do questions now.

[58:08] Because it's question time

[58:10] for the Clubhouse tonight.

[58:12] What Elliot would normally say at this point

[58:14] is just think about your question

[58:16] before you ask it.

[58:18] Think, would I care about this

[58:20] if it's not me asking it?

[58:22] And then if the answer is no,

[58:24] that's my abbreviated version

[58:26] of the speech that Elliot gives.

[58:28] Thank you for being the bad cop tonight.

[58:30] Let's give Dan a hand.

[58:32] So, sir.

[58:34] You can go.

[58:36] You better go before I start singing again.

[58:38] Hi, I'm Scott. I just have a question.

[58:40] Guys, have I told you about

[58:42] Baby, Secret of the Lost Legend?

[58:44] Have you told us what?

[58:46] Have I told you about Baby, Secret of the Lost Legend?

[58:48] Baby, Secret of the Lost Legend?

[58:50] The dinosaur movie, Baby, Secret of the Lost Legend?

[58:52] Did you hear what Dan said earlier?

[58:54] Hey, Jordan.

[58:56] Don't question shame, people.

[58:58] But no, thank you. I'm very familiar with that movie.

[59:00] I saw it as a kid, and I do not remember

[59:02] much of what happens in it.

[59:04] I feel like we should go back and forth,

[59:06] because there's a mic over here, too.

[59:08] Yeah, let's go to the other side.

[59:10] Hi, this is Daniel, last name withheld.

[59:12] So, Jordan was a great co-host,

[59:14] fill-in host tonight.

[59:16] What?

[59:18] I hear a but coming.

[59:20] I was wondering if you could pick

[59:22] any person to be your guest co-host

[59:24] for the Flophouse,

[59:26] who would you pick?

[59:28] Oh, boy.

[59:30] Well, everyone knows I'm mad about Mads.

[59:32] Mads Mikkelsen, that is.

[59:34] And I feel like he'd have a lot of great stories

[59:36] about his Hagar the Horrible movie,

[59:38] about Hollow Rising.

[59:40] I think I would pick

[59:42] someone that Elliot knows personally

[59:44] and has worked with,

[59:46] Jule Hodgson.

[59:48] We owe him a huge debt,

[59:50] which we will never be able to repay.

[59:52] Or we'll try to.

[59:54] Maybe I'll ask him sometime.

[59:56] Yeah, why not?

[59:58] I'm promising nothing.

[1:00:00] Let's move on.

[1:00:02] Hi, my name is Ed, last name withheld.

[1:00:04] Hi, thanks for coming.

[1:00:05] If the three of you were on a tour of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory,

[1:00:08] in what horrible yet ironic way would you be killed?

[1:00:12] That's a good question.

[1:00:15] That's a good question.

[1:00:17] That question was actually from my daughter, Charlotte,

[1:00:19] who is not able to come tonight, so she asked me to ask you.

[1:00:25] So, okay.

[1:00:27] Okay.

[1:00:29] Is there some sort of sadness candy that exists?

[1:00:33] It's like a salt water tear taffy, maybe?

[1:00:35] Yeah.

[1:00:37] You fall in a big vat of it and you're like,

[1:00:39] I'm drowning in my own tears and these.

[1:00:41] That seems appropriate.

[1:00:44] I think, yeah, I don't know.

[1:00:47] Do they make fried chicken at Willy Wonka's Factory?

[1:00:51] Maybe.

[1:00:52] It's like a Cadbury egg.

[1:00:54] That's not the same thing at all.

[1:00:58] Here, I'm here to buy a car, here's a shoe.

[1:01:02] They're both modes of transportation.

[1:01:06] I think, probably, there'd be something involving talking a lot.

[1:01:13] Jawbreaker.

[1:01:14] Yeah, Jawbreaker, nice.

[1:01:16] Yeah, I'd be watching the movie Jawbreaker,

[1:01:19] listening to the Judas Priest song Jawbreaker,

[1:01:22] and my jaw would get broken.

[1:01:24] Jordan, what about you?

[1:01:25] I would get killed by a bullet meant for Stewart.

[1:01:30] Thank you.

[1:01:31] So heroic.

[1:01:32] Yeah, one of those Willy Wonka snipers is aiming for Stewart,

[1:01:35] and then I walk in front.

[1:01:36] No, I just imagine Oompa Loompas with sniper rifles strapped to their back,

[1:01:40] hurling themselves to the ground before they get a good shot.

[1:01:44] Sir, you in the hat.

[1:01:48] The person who's at the microphone.

[1:01:51] My name is Michael, last name with ho.

[1:01:53] Hello, Michael.

[1:01:54] Hello.

[1:01:55] My question is, with Jordan here instead of Stewart,

[1:01:58] how would that change the order you'd be in the Flophouse Human Centipede?

[1:02:02] Oh, good question.

[1:02:04] How would that change the Flophouse Human Centipede?

[1:02:06] Because usually the order is you in the middle,

[1:02:09] I think Stewart's in the back, and I'm in the front.

[1:02:13] I think you called front.

[1:02:15] You better believe I called front.

[1:02:18] I feel like we need to have a little talk about that.

[1:02:22] You snozzed and you lost, Dan.

[1:02:23] Swept in.

[1:02:26] Jordan, do you think with Dan would you get bumped up to middle then?

[1:02:30] No, you're still in the middle.

[1:02:32] Would you get bumped back to back?

[1:02:33] I don't know that it would change it too much.

[1:02:35] Yeah, I'm sorry, Jordan.

[1:02:37] I'm afraid that you're first.

[1:02:41] I'm just going to try and make the best of these seven days.

[1:02:45] I've got to try and finish BoJack, of course.

[1:02:48] I feel like there's no winner in a human centipede.

[1:02:51] It's just like someone who loses a little less.

[1:02:54] And that's the front.

[1:02:58] Yes, sir?

[1:02:59] Hey, Castleton shirt, cool.

[1:03:01] Nice, yeah.

[1:03:02] Castleton snob.

[1:03:04] You are the third and fourth people ever in me wearing this shirt who have gotten that,

[1:03:08] so thank you.

[1:03:10] You're talking to somebody who'd never pulled the trigger on buying a Castleton shirt,

[1:03:13] but certainly thought about it a lot.

[1:03:15] I have drunkenly Googled Castleton shirt as well,

[1:03:18] but then I'm like, can a man have too much pussy?

[1:03:25] This is, for anyone not familiar with it,

[1:03:27] it's a shirt that was in the Time Chasers episode of Mystery Science Theater 2000.

[1:03:31] Great episode, solid, wonderful episode.

[1:03:33] Yes.

[1:03:34] My question's not about that.

[1:03:36] In the last New York Live show, Elliot,

[1:03:39] you were asked what New York movie was most representative of your time in New York,

[1:03:42] and now that you live in L.A.,

[1:03:44] I was wondering so far what L.A. movie is best representative of your time in L.A.

[1:03:48] Interesting.

[1:03:49] It's hard to pick a representative movie because I've only been here a couple months,

[1:03:52] so I guess Cobra.

[1:03:55] Yeah.

[1:03:58] Look, the way I work is dirty, but I get results.

[1:04:01] And I recently took down an axe-murder cult that was trying to kill Brigitte Nielsen.

[1:04:09] I think, to be honest, probably...

[1:04:14] All I can think about is Cobra, to be honest.

[1:04:16] That's why I shouldn't have mentioned it.

[1:04:18] I mean, that's just the way you live is all you can think about is Cobra.

[1:04:21] Because I like to eat cold pizza by cutting it up with a pair of scissors,

[1:04:24] which he does in Cobra.

[1:04:27] Yeah, I feel like that's a good answer.

[1:04:29] Yeah, okay, sure, yeah, thanks.

[1:04:30] I'll think about a better one next time we do an L.A. show.

[1:04:32] Ask me again.

[1:04:34] Sir, over here.

[1:04:35] Hey, my name is Nico, last name withheld.

[1:04:38] Case?

[1:04:39] Sorry.

[1:04:40] What?

[1:04:41] I was playing Elliot's role of making up last names for people.

[1:04:44] He had already started talking.

[1:04:45] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[1:04:46] And you were being very rude.

[1:04:47] I'm sorry.

[1:04:48] And I want you to apologize to our guest.

[1:04:50] No, go on, I'm sorry.

[1:04:51] That's okay.

[1:04:52] Case is a better last name than my real last name.

[1:04:54] So they're making these, I guess, Dark Universe reboots of the classic Universal Force.

[1:05:00] They're sure trying to.

[1:05:01] And God is doing his best to stop them.

[1:05:05] Well, so I was just curious, what is a sort of classic monster that you think either hasn't

[1:05:10] gotten its due or hasn't had a movie at all made about it that you think there should

[1:05:14] be in the Pantheon of Monsters?

[1:05:17] Hmm, of the Universals particularly?

[1:05:19] I guess I would say more broadly.

[1:05:22] I mean, yeah, a reboot of the Universal movies or just any monster.

[1:05:27] Like a Wendigo or a Golem.

[1:05:29] I mean, Wendigo is never real.

[1:05:31] It hasn't gotten its due.

[1:05:32] Wendigo, there was that movie with the kid from Malcolm in the middle in it years ago.

[1:05:36] And Golem, there hasn't been a good Golem movie since the 1920s.

[1:05:39] So pretty good.

[1:05:41] But I think I'm probably going to say, and this will be controversial, Gilman from the

[1:05:46] Creature from the Black Lagoon movies.

[1:05:48] Because even the original movies are not very good.

[1:05:50] And that creature design is so sharp.

[1:05:53] What?

[1:05:55] I haven't seen it yet.

[1:05:57] Thanks for ruining it for me.

[1:05:59] I didn't know it was a soft reboot of the Gilman series.

[1:06:02] I do want to see Shape of Water.

[1:06:04] Okay, then maybe that's it.

[1:06:05] I'll come up with a different one.

[1:06:06] Dan, you answer.

[1:06:07] I mean, I already, I mean, he said Wendigo and that's what I was going to say anyway.

[1:06:11] Really?

[1:06:12] Yeah.

[1:06:13] All right.

[1:06:14] Well, just because it's not the thing that there's been like a good movie about.

[1:06:16] There was that Larry Fessenden movie, I think it was.

[1:06:19] I say Wendigo.

[1:06:21] Yeah, let's call the whole thing Wendigo.

[1:06:25] The movie Wendigo Man?

[1:06:26] About the guy who's swearing in the Wendigo video?

[1:06:29] I would like to see another Gilman movie too.

[1:06:32] Because I was thinking that the funny thing to me about watching Monster Squad is at the

[1:06:37] end, how like every other monster has like a particular way that you have to kill them.

[1:06:42] And then like the Gilman, they just like blast him with a shotgun.

[1:06:45] They just shoot him.

[1:06:46] Because he's the everyman.

[1:06:47] Yeah.

[1:06:48] You know?

[1:06:49] You can kill him a normal way.

[1:06:50] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:51] And then the fat kid gets to say, my name is Horace.

[1:06:53] That's true.

[1:06:54] I'm just remembering.

[1:06:55] No, tell us more about Monster Squad.

[1:06:57] Yeah.

[1:06:58] Wolfman has nards.

[1:06:59] We all remember it.

[1:07:00] Wolfman has nards.

[1:07:01] Yeah.

[1:07:02] Let me begin by saying that Wolfman has something that you might not expect him to have, despite

[1:07:04] having the word man in his name.

[1:07:07] Over here again.

[1:07:08] Hi.

[1:07:09] Oh, whoa.

[1:07:10] That's loud.

[1:07:11] I'm so sorry.

[1:07:12] My name is Brennan.

[1:07:13] Last name withheld.

[1:07:14] And since it's Shocktober, I thought I would ask.

[1:07:16] Very well done.

[1:07:17] Yes.

[1:07:19] What is the dumbest horror movie that actually scared you at any point during the movie?

[1:07:24] Oh, Troll 2.

[1:07:25] Oh, yeah.

[1:07:26] When I was a kid, Troll 2 was genuinely scary to me.

[1:07:29] With the stick fingers.

[1:07:30] Yeah.

[1:07:31] Well, it's the part where he's talking to his grandfather, and he goes, I was talking

[1:07:34] to Grandpa.

[1:07:35] And they go, Grandpa's not there.

[1:07:36] And he looks, and the chair's empty.

[1:07:37] When I was a kid, that scared the shit out of me.

[1:07:40] I couldn't watch the rest of the movie for a long time.

[1:07:42] Well, it also has the bleakest ending.

[1:07:45] They go home, and you think everything's all right.

[1:07:47] And the kid goes upstairs or whatever, and the shower's going, and the parents have turned

[1:07:52] into green goo.

[1:07:53] And it's Patrick Duffy.

[1:07:54] Yeah, it's green goo.

[1:07:55] But also, the idea that that kid, I feel so bad for the kid in that movie, because the

[1:07:59] grandpa's just yelling at him to take care of things.

[1:08:02] And he's a kid.

[1:08:03] And Grandpa's a ghost with magic powers.

[1:08:05] Yeah.

[1:08:06] And he's like, go blow up all those trolls.

[1:08:08] I'm disappointed in you, grandson.

[1:08:09] It's like, oh, so much going on in that movie.

[1:08:13] I had to have my mom take me out of Tremors.

[1:08:19] I really admire that your mom took you to Tremors.

[1:08:21] Yeah.

[1:08:22] I think I was just afraid of the vaginal imagery.

[1:08:27] Considering that, when I wanted to see Fern Dolly, my mom said, we are not going to see

[1:08:30] that.

[1:08:31] And I said, why not, Mom?

[1:08:32] And she goes, I don't want to see that.

[1:08:35] I don't approve of wrapping bats.

[1:08:37] It was the first time that I was like, wait, parents can do that?

[1:08:41] They can just say no to movies?

[1:08:44] Are you looking at me for something?

[1:08:46] Leadership in this time of crisis.

[1:08:49] When I saw, even watching the Mystery Science Theater version of this, Man with the Hands

[1:08:54] of Fate disturbed me.

[1:08:56] It feels like a snuff film.

[1:08:57] Yeah, because as Joel says in it, or Crow says in it, I think, every frame looks like

[1:09:03] someone's last known photograph.

[1:09:05] And there's something about really badly made movies that can capture this weirdness and

[1:09:14] sense of something wrong with the world that good movies can't.

[1:09:18] Yeah.

[1:09:19] But that would be my answer.

[1:09:21] Okay, that's a good answer.

[1:09:22] Yeah.

[1:09:23] Thank you.

[1:09:24] What side are we?

[1:09:25] That side.

[1:09:26] Yes, side.

[1:09:27] Hey there.

[1:09:28] I'm Todd Lassen with Held.

[1:09:29] Hello.

[1:09:30] So another Shocktober question.

[1:09:32] And how the bit where Mrs. Star Trek is remembering her sister, and that is by far the most terrifying

[1:09:36] part of that movie for me.

[1:09:38] What other movies are there where the most memorable or the most terrifying moment is

[1:09:42] not the main conceit of the movie?

[1:09:44] Because I don't remember much else about that movie.

[1:09:46] I know there's something about a dead baby, but God, the neck is so scary.

[1:09:51] The back, something.

[1:09:52] I don't know.

[1:09:53] Terrifying moment.

[1:09:54] Not main conceit.

[1:09:55] That's it.

[1:09:56] I mean, I kind of feel like my answer to the last question works, that like, Troll 2,

[1:09:58] the trolls were not scary.

[1:09:59] It was this guy's relationship.

[1:10:00] Relationship with his grandfather

[1:10:02] Most that was the most memorable. Oh, there's there's a there's a scene in is it what movie is it?

[1:10:08] It's not the crazies

[1:10:09] There's this there's some horror movie where someone needs to use a phone and the person who's who's is so

[1:10:14] Crazy that they have to borrow a phone they borrow a phone from and it's like this is get out of this scene

[1:10:20] This is really frightened might have been sisters or so. I don't remember. There's a scene

[1:10:25] in the Exorcist

[1:10:27] We're like the devil stuff fine. It's scary enough, but I get it. He's wearing Prada

[1:10:33] the part that really scared me is there's a part where they take Reagan to get tests and

[1:10:39] There's like a machine that like makes like a chunk chunk chunk chunk

[1:10:42] And I'm like not sure what it does

[1:10:44] But she's like getting like a spinal tap or something and that was the thing that made me like go like I can't watch this

[1:10:52] So that would be my answer. I don't like any movie where people buy plane tickets last minute

[1:11:00] Because like

[1:11:03] How expensive must that be to just walk up to the counter and you're gambling that they even have seats available

[1:11:10] So like all home alone movies

[1:11:14] Like being left at home because I figure I can like rig up some traps, okay

[1:11:19] But the thought of like having to buy a plane ticket last minute

[1:11:22] Yeah, I'm down. I'm stressed out. Just thinking about it

[1:11:26] on this side

[1:11:28] So I'm Mandy last name withheld and my friend throughout most of today has been making fun of me saying that I look like

[1:11:35] the best friend of an 80s movie

[1:11:38] Yeah, I'll buy that. Yes. Yeah, like

[1:11:41] Why any type shirt knotted at the at the midsection? Yeah, okay, and some sort of

[1:11:47] 1940s Carnival Barker hat

[1:11:50] There's a lot of overlap. Yeah, can I get a ride back to Silver Lake by the way?

[1:11:57] So local humor over reference, yeah

[1:12:00] So I wanted to ask or Portland

[1:12:02] Sorry, what makes a good best friend in a movie and what would you want out of your in your movie?

[1:12:08] What would your 80s best friend be?

[1:12:11] Well, it makes the best for a good best friend movie well that you eventually end up with them

[1:12:15] Yeah, or if they're played by Judy Greer, that's a good. Yeah, she is she does a very good best friend in movies

[1:12:23] Yeah, it's good to have a best friend who you wish had a little more to do

[1:12:28] Yeah, a best friend who doesn't really have much of a job and is available at all hours of the night

[1:12:32] Yeah to help you out with stuff

[1:12:35] And my best friend in an 80s movie if I wasn't the best friend, which I probably would be

[1:12:40] But my best friend would probably be like, I don't know like a talking robot dog with magic powers

[1:12:46] And we'd end up together at the end

[1:12:49] I I feel like I have I have fantasy best friends and

[1:12:55] Through circumstances. I got to be on stage with two of them. Oh, that's right stuff. You should know

[1:13:05] You bastard

[1:13:08] Yeah, that's a fine podcast though it is good they do a good job

[1:13:11] This is the name of this podcast should be like stuff you is not real

[1:13:16] Are you looking to me for what was the last part of the question who you would want here?

[1:13:19] What's your a what's your best friend in your 80s movie gonna be like, I know I would just want booth from Teen Wolf

[1:13:25] Basically, yeah moves the best 80s best friend. Yeah

[1:13:28] I mean could could someone be booth from Teen Wolf and I could just is any is blue from Teen Wolf in the audience

[1:13:34] What are her characteristics she puts up for the best friend, even though he's a jerk to her

[1:13:38] Yeah, she doesn't like him because he's a werewolf. She likes him for who he is, even though he's a jerk to her

[1:13:43] She's more attractive than the big romantically. Yeah, she wears a lot of cute sweaters

[1:13:49] This guy's, you know, just everyday sense of style on a budget

[1:13:54] Apparently, that's what I'm looking for. I should just put that in an ad. Yeah

[1:13:59] M for B men for booth

[1:14:02] Seeking a no-drama booth me Emmy-winning comedy writer you booth

[1:14:12] And people across America being like

[1:14:14] What what does this mean? Like honey? Could you come here? Look at that in the game subculture? What is a booth?

[1:14:21] If I don't know if I'm it or not. Yeah, it does that does sound like a subcategory on grinder. Yeah

[1:14:28] hot local booths

[1:14:32] All right, we should keep it moving because we I think we might actually get through everyone

[1:14:36] We've got three people

[1:14:36] So if you've got another question write it in to us and say I was at your show and I didn't get asked question and maybe

[1:14:42] We'll answer it. I don't know how it works. Sir. You've got a question. Hi, Derek. Last name are held. Hello

[1:14:47] I think I saw a nightmare on Elm Street when I was about seven just because my aunt let us

[1:14:51] But my question was what movie did you see that?

[1:14:54] You probably shouldn't have seen at a young age either due to your own sneakiness or just complete parental neglect

[1:15:01] I think I believe I've told this story before on the podcast and when I was I think eight years old

[1:15:04] My dad said hey, my friend. Let me Robocop. He says it's really cool

[1:15:09] Let's watch it. And when Edie 209 shot that guy in his chest exploded

[1:15:14] I put my hands in front of my eyes and then I slowly pulled my hands out

[1:15:21] It's movies that we shouldn't have seen any young age

[1:15:24] Well, I think I told it actually on the podcast before that my brothers like I have two older brothers

[1:15:29] One's 10 years older than me one's 13 years older than me

[1:15:32] so they like to torture me and they like they

[1:15:36] Pulled all the curtains closed in the living room made it as dark as possible and forced me to watch poltergeist and aliens

[1:15:43] So, I mean, this is a lot better than the other thing that they would do which is put a pillow over my head

[1:15:49] Try to kill you until it was very close. All right, Dad. We're Toby Hooper completists. Yeah

[1:15:56] My parents are big Caligula heads next question, okay

[1:16:02] They're like look at this amazing cast

[1:16:05] You don't think they'll fuck but did they do it was a different time it was the 70s they were all on blow

[1:16:12] Hi guys, I'm Mary Kate

[1:16:15] There's something that the flophouse has taught me actually

[1:16:17] I've probably always known this but

[1:16:19] When a movie starts with, you know, my mother always told me this story or prophecy foretells of so like

[1:16:26] What are your other like rules for like bad movie when something happens in the movie and you're like, oh, no

[1:16:32] It's gonna be like this. Like what is your bad movie signifiers like that?

[1:16:38] I just want to say Toby Hooper wrote alien. That was why I made that Toby. He did not write alien. Did he not?

[1:16:44] Bannon

[1:16:45] Huh?

[1:16:47] anyway

[1:16:48] And I also think you said aliens I said a really you're all over the map, but let's answer this question

[1:16:54] I mean, it's hard to top when there's like a prophecy of some kind in the movie anytime a movie has a prophecy in it

[1:17:01] I'm like, well, you just removed the agency of all the characters in the movie and I kind of don't care anymore

[1:17:06] So anytime there's like there's a legend

[1:17:08] Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh or a prophecy foretells be bubbly bubbly, you know

[1:17:12] Like it turns out you're not a you're not a person who through hard work and circumstance became a hero

[1:17:17] Your mom is an alien and that's why I knew and you were destined to do this. I don't like it

[1:17:22] This is not exactly the answer to this question

[1:17:25] But you know, it's more like just something I don't like in movies

[1:17:28] But any comedy that seems built around the idea of some misunderstanding ruining someone's life slowly

[1:17:35] Like any movie like that just like that's not funny

[1:17:38] I

[1:17:47] Just can't take it. I can't take that in a movie. I would have trouble with that in sitcoms

[1:17:51] Yeah, I have you watch the moment where like somebody walks in on somebody and it looks like they're cheating on them

[1:17:56] Yeah, they're making out with another girl

[1:17:57] I'd be like, I know this is gonna be explained away in ten minutes, but I don't like it

[1:18:01] Like I don't like this feeling of yeah tension and embarrassment. And yeah, yeah

[1:18:06] I'm an anxious person. It's basically what that comes back. Yeah

[1:18:10] The airline ticket thing again. I can't handle it. Don't want to see it. Don't want to see it

[1:18:15] Thank you

[1:18:17] All right, that's in it

[1:18:22] My name is Johan

[1:18:23] When I was six or seven and when I used to live here in LA my mom my mom took me to watch Terminator 3 in

[1:18:28] the theater

[1:18:29] Wait, how old were you in Terminator 3 came out?

[1:18:32] I don't I don't work I was I was young and I still lived in LA

[1:18:34] Which means that I was at least at most eight. Okay. Well, you made me feel like an old man

[1:18:38] So I know it was t3 because I believe I was in college when that movie came out

[1:18:42] Oh, I'm in college now. Should I jump out of college? I'm just kidding. Oh

[1:18:46] So, hey, did you ever watch a movie young? I think someone loses. Um, I was traumatized by that movie

[1:18:52] Like I would open the curtain to make sure there was a Terminator

[1:18:54] I would walk away from cars that were parked because she makes one come alive. There's a scene right?

[1:18:59] Has there been a movie that you watch maybe too young that traumatized you for like months maybe

[1:19:04] Yeah traumatized that still happens to me

[1:19:07] Like I'll be like there's nothing

[1:19:09] there's nothing scarier to me than the idea that

[1:19:11] I'm gonna suddenly turn and there's someone standing there looking in a window at me or like if I'm lying in bed

[1:19:17] This especially happens if my family for whatever reasons out of town or I'm out of town

[1:19:21] I'm lying bed

[1:19:22] the scariest thing I can think of is that someone's just gonna walk through a doorway and that I don't expect to be there it

[1:19:27] Frightens me so much and I lie there thinking about just that so like any mood

[1:19:31] So I went to see so some other recently and there's so many scenes in that where

[1:19:35] She'll like turn on the light and there's somebody outside looking at her through a window and I'm like, oh god

[1:19:39] Oh, that's and so that's been happening to me a lot lately where I go around my house at night

[1:19:43] Just making sure the doors are locked and I look away from the windows

[1:19:46] Cuz if there's a creepy guy looking at me through the window, I don't want to know about it

[1:19:50] Don't want to see it don't want to know about it

[1:19:52] Yeah, this isn't a this isn't a childhood thing either but like I watched lights out the short that the movie

[1:20:00] out was based on I did not I saw the full-length movie lights out I was like

[1:20:06] this is kind of boring I don't know whatever but the short is like such a

[1:20:09] simple premise like a monster that just comes when the lights are out and after

[1:20:15] that like that evening I was like I was scared of the dark again I was walking

[1:20:21] around just like all right I'm in this room gotta turn the light on all right

[1:20:24] now before I get over this other I gotta turn the light over here before I turn

[1:20:27] the other one like I'm staggering my lights across the way going to bed so

[1:20:37] that one got me Jordan I just fear a future where all restaurants are Taco

[1:20:41] Bell that would be sad demolition man yeah be tough thank you would solve our

[1:20:47] nation's dangerous gordita shortage all right last question the last question a

[1:20:53] lot of pressure a lot of pressure I know big pressure my name is Cruz

[1:20:57] Flores middle name withheld Oh Cruz yes hi I know your brother too you've done a

[1:21:05] lot of you've watched a lot of movies and most of them have been either

[1:21:09] terrible or forgettable but have you ever either watched a flop house movie

[1:21:15] again a second time or even just thought about it and had good feelings about it

[1:21:20] that more than you thought you would I'll tell you this the sappy answer is

[1:21:24] every time I think about these movies I have good feelings because reminds me

[1:21:26] of hanging out with my friends talking to the talking to movies talking to two

[1:21:31] movies talking about movies but otherwise no Dan wait what did you say

[1:21:37] I said otherwise no I think about like oh it's fun when I stay there with Dan

[1:21:41] Stewart but it's I don't know that there's any of the movies reference I'm

[1:21:43] like you know what I'm second thought 10,000 BC had some good I know who

[1:21:52] killed me I know a good movie yeah I think that maybe we should just end on

[1:21:57] that heartwarming note that you just gave about friendship because I can't

[1:22:02] think of one either doesn't to me you know the flop house isn't just about

[1:22:05] movies it's about three best buds hanging out it's inseparable together

[1:22:11] forever where one goes all three go yeah always together never ever apart

[1:22:18] just you and me and no but that's yeah it's it's all yeah good bit very good

[1:22:30] bit kind of kind of petered out at the end you know no I thought it was great

[1:22:34] thought it's great you did great oh thanks buddy so that's it I mean that's

[1:22:40] what we do let's have kind of a bigger ending that's what we do that's what we

[1:22:44] do that's the way it works folks and so Dan yeah for the flop house who have we

[1:22:52] been all right well I was gonna thank everyone for coming out because it's

[1:22:55] very special to be here on the west coast for the first time someone say the

[1:23:00] best goes pander pander pander pander pander for the flop house I've been Dan

[1:23:08] McCoy I've been Elliot Kalin I'm Jordan Morris filling in for Stuart

[1:23:12] Wellington thank you so much for being here everybody so Dan usually we start

[1:23:32] off by doing our little intro really yeah that's what the movie is and then I

[1:23:37] say something or Stewart says something or in this case Jordan yeah thanks for

[1:23:42] explaining thanks for mansplaining my podcast to me Elliot I just want to make

[1:23:46] sure you understand these things hey you seem tense this whole night is taking a

[1:23:53] turn I don't care for also I don't like the implication that I'll have to say

[1:23:58] something very fair all right oh wait we got a delay again cuz Dan has to open a

[1:24:04] thing once it was a phone now it's a bottle what's it gonna be next time a

[1:24:08] chrysalis that has formed around him delicious

[1:24:14] maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #242 - Rings LIVE!

Transcript

Description