Ep. #244 - Unforgettable

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Unforgettable.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] Wait, what was this movie about? I forgot.

Stuart Wellington

[0:08] Oh, Elliot, there he goes again.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[0:40] Hey, party over here. It's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:44] And I'm Elliot Kalin from what sounds like the bottom of a well. Hey, everybody.

[0:50] Elliot's recording in a different room than he normally does, and he's very concerned about it.

[0:54] Yeah, the bottom of a well.

[0:55] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[0:56] Yeah, I found an ancient Roman cistern in my backyard.

[1:00] And I decided to climb on in there and turn it into a recording studio.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02] Yeah, you're like a real Lara Croft.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06] Lara?

[1:06] Oh, yeah.

[1:07] Lara? Lara? I don't remember.

[1:10] It's pronounced Larry. Larry Croft.

[1:12] Oh, no. Not that again.

[1:14] Yeah, they wanted a boy. Yeah, Larry Croft. Tomb buyer.

Dan McCoy

[1:20] He's just a realtor? Is that what you're saying?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] Yeah, yeah. He buys and sells tombs. He's in the tomb real estate business.

[1:27] Because here's the thing about tombs, Dan. People are dying to get in.

[1:30] Okay.

[1:31] I'm a dad.

[1:34] So when you become a dad at the hospital, they go down a list of the types of jokes you can't tell anymore.

[1:41] And they're like, funny jokes? Can't tell them anymore.

[1:43] Witty jokes? No.

[1:45] Relevant jokes? No.

[1:46] And I'm like, well, what kind of jokes can I tell?

[1:48] And they said, hold on to your hat.

[1:50] All the bad jokes.

[1:52] And I was like, all of them?

[1:53] And they said, mm-hmm.

[1:55] And they give you a book called A Thousand and One Terrible Jokes for dads.

[1:58] And I've just been memorizing that stuff, you know?

Dan McCoy

[2:00] Now, what about dirty jokes?

[2:02] Like, I guess you can tell them quietly to, like, someone's uncle in the corner of an adult party.

Elliott Kalan

[2:08] Yeah, you have to make sure your kid is far enough away that they don't think you're talking to them, but close enough that they can overhear it.

[2:14] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] All right.

[2:15] And you can tell dirty jokes if your daughter's friends are in the house, too, just to embarrass her.

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] All right.

[2:24] It's all in Chapter 1, Embarrassing Your Child, which is also Chapters 2 through 100.

Stuart Wellington

[2:30] Wow, there's a lot of chapters in this book.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] It's really more of a multi-volume set.

[2:34] Robert Caro wrote it, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:36] See, now that we know what we know about Bill Cosby, I guess you can take over the dad humor-ist mantle.

[2:43] You can start doing all this dad material now.

Stuart Wellington

[2:47] I mean, I think Dave Barry has that locked down pretty hard.

Dan McCoy

[2:50] I don't feel like he talks about dad stuff so much as, like, local man does crazy thing.

[2:57] What?

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] Two names.

[2:58] Two words.

[2:59] Yeah.

[2:59] Ray Romano.

[3:01] Okay.

[3:02] Sure, yeah.

[3:03] Ray Romano has it locked up.

[3:04] Have you ever seen the video of him performing at the White House press dinner?

[3:09] No.

[3:09] And he's doing his regular routine.

[3:10] So he said about how his kids dream about candy.

[3:13] And there's, like, no laughter in the room.

[3:16] Because it's like, this is not the material that's going to hit well with these Washington insiders, these Beltway boys.

[3:21] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[3:23] Yeah.

[3:23] They don't have children.

[3:24] They reproduce with spores.

[3:26] Mm-hmm.

[3:27] They reproduce through leaks.

[3:29] So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[3:32] Oh, fuck.

[3:33] We already started.

[3:33] And then we talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[3:36] And hey, guys.

[3:37] We're just coming off a run of real fun shows.

[3:39] We did some live shows recently.

[3:41] And now we're back to doing the podcast the way we do it nowadays, which is you in Brooklyn and me in Los Angeles.

[3:46] And all of us tired.

Stuart Wellington

[3:48] Yeah.

[3:49] It's real weird.

[3:50] Luckily, we watched a bad movie that got us all fired up.

[3:54] Mm-hmm.

[3:55] Now, I don't know when Elliot.

[3:56] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[3:58] I said it already.

[4:00] Have you already forgotten?

[4:01] Jesus.

[4:02] No.

[4:03] So I don't know when Elliot watched this movie.

[4:04] You watched this movie recently, Stuart.

[4:06] Yeah.

[4:06] Yesterday.

[4:07] I watched this movie.

[4:08] We were going to record this to pull back the curtain a little bit.

[4:11] We were going to record this in.

Elliott Kalan

[4:12] That was me.

[4:13] That was you pulling back the curtain on me taking a shower.

[4:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:16] We were going to record this in Los Angeles, but you threw your back out, so we couldn't record it there.

[4:20] Uh-huh.

[4:21] And I had watched the movie already by then.

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:23] Me too.

[4:24] Ironically, this movie called Unforgettable is largely forgotten because it was like a month ago that I watched it.

[4:32] So, Stuart, you're going to take up the mantle, right?

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] Oh, it's my time to shine.

[4:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:37] Okay, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[4:38] Actually, I will say I watched the first hour of it a month ago, and I watched the last 26 minutes of it about a week ago.

[4:45] So, that part's still pretty fresh in my mind.

[4:47] All right.

Dan McCoy

[4:48] I refreshed myself by looking at a plot synopsis.

[4:50] Does that help?

[4:52] Uh, not really.

[4:53] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[4:54] It's great.

Stuart Wellington

[4:55] Yeah, I mean, that's the thing that's great about doing a movie podcast is watching the movie as far in advance as possible.

[5:04] And then spending the whole time trying to remember what happened.

[5:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:09] So, Stuart, you want to take the reins, and I'll just chime in when I feel like it?

Stuart Wellington

[5:14] Oh, man.

[5:14] Let me consult my complicated note system.

[5:19] Uh, so we open in a, uh, sure, why not?

[5:23] So, this is a movie called Unforgettable.

[5:26] Okay.

[5:26] Um, starring-

[5:27] Based on the song of the same name.

[5:28] Yeah, story-

[5:29] Now, I'm-

Elliott Kalan

[5:30] Sorry, no, sorry, Stuart, you keep going.

[5:33] I'll introduce my fact when you're done with telling who stars in it.

Stuart Wellington

[5:36] Okay.

[5:36] So, it stars Rosario Dawson and Lophouse fave, Katherine Heigl.

[5:43] In fact, we should call this the Heigl House, I think.

[5:49] Should we take a vote on it now that I've put the motion on the table?

Elliott Kalan

[5:53] I think I've got to second this motion, Stuart.

[5:55] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[5:55] Okay, Dan.

[5:56] So, call up iTunes and change everything.

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] Call up Loph iTunes.

[6:01] Tell them to put a new name in there.

[6:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:03] Heiglography.

[6:04] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[6:04] Well, this is our new-

[6:06] Is this our new theme month of Heiglvember?

Dan McCoy

[6:09] Yeah, it's our poorly punned theme month.

[6:13] Heig's giving?

Elliott Kalan

[6:14] Yeah.

[6:14] I was going to say about this movie that I didn't realize until after I watched it,

[6:18] and I was looking up.

[6:19] This was directed by a woman named Denise DeNovi, who produced a ton of movies.

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:24] Like, she produced Heathers, she produced a ton of Tim Burton's movies.

[6:29] Like, she knows movies.

[6:30] So, and this was her directorial debut.

[6:33] And so, going into, I'm glad I didn't know that going into it, because I think I would

[6:37] have expected a different, perhaps better movie than I got.

Stuart Wellington

[6:41] Okay.

[6:42] You're showing your hand a little bit, but that's all right.

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] So, I'm saying, there's powerhouse people behind this.

[6:48] So, we're punching up.

[6:49] So, it's okay to say terrible things.

[6:51] Dan, go for it.

[6:52] Say something terrible.

Dan McCoy

[6:54] Rosario Dawson is wasted in this role.

[7:01] All right, Gene Shalit.

[7:02] Great.

[7:03] Just do it.

[7:03] Back to you.

Stuart Wellington

[7:04] Okay.

[7:04] So, the movie opens.

[7:06] Rosario Dawson, who is not wasted in this role, is covered in blood in a police station

[7:13] being interviewed by the actor who played Bunny Colvin on The Wire.

[7:17] So, you know he's good at being a cop.

[7:21] So, he's like, hey, who's this dude?

[7:25] We found him dead in your house.

[7:26] What's going on?

[7:27] And why did you send him all these pictures on his Facebook?

Elliott Kalan

[7:31] They also have a pair of her panties, too, that they say she mailed to him.

Stuart Wellington

[7:36] Yeah.

[7:37] So, at this point, it looks like she's going down.

[7:40] Cut to six months earlier.

[7:43] And we're in San Francisco, which we're going to be in soon.

[7:46] More on that in a little bit.

[7:48] December 9th.

[7:49] Get your tickets now.

[7:50] We're in the offices of Chapter Pad.

Dan McCoy

[7:54] Wait.

[7:54] I think it's called Chapter Page.

Stuart Wellington

[7:56] No, it's Chapter Pad.

[7:58] No, Chapter Pad.

Elliott Kalan

[7:59] Really?

[7:59] Yeah.

[8:00] Well, Stuart and I both have those.

[8:01] I don't know.

[8:01] And you're trying to remember a movie a month old.

Stuart Wellington

[8:04] I watched this yesterday.

[8:06] No, Dan's probably right on that.

[8:09] So, we're introduced to Whitney Cummings.

[8:12] Wait.

[8:12] Hold on a second.

Elliott Kalan

[8:13] Let's take a moment to talk about what Chapter Pad does.

[8:17] Chapter Pad appears to be some kind of a storytelling website.

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:21] And what that means is never totally clear if it's fiction or nonfiction.

[8:24] And whether Rosario Dawson is a writer or an editor or what.

Dan McCoy

[8:28] Yeah.

[8:28] I had a problem with this because I immediately assumed like, okay, Chapter Pad is probably like, just like, a blogging site.

[8:35] Like, a place where people can upload whatever stories they want to upload.

[8:40] And like, that makes sense kind of as like a thing that could maybe make some money.

[8:46] But then later on, Rosario Dawson is like, has to edit a story that someone submitted.

[8:53] So, then I'm like, okay, well, is this like a literary magazine?

[8:56] Because there's no way this startup works as that.

[8:59] And then later on, after that, Whitney Cummings is like, Rosario, you got to get in that story that you promised us.

[9:06] It's like, wait, you're a writer for the site now, too?

[9:08] Like, I don't understand what's going on in this internet company.

[9:13] It doesn't make a lot of sense.

[9:15] It's almost...

[9:16] Let me explain, guys.

[9:17] What were you going to say, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[9:18] I was just going to say, like, is the reason that they're a startup based around, like, story stuff and she's a writer is because that's more feminine or something?

[9:28] I don't quite get it.

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] Like...

[9:31] I think, well, the story reason for it in the movie is that this is a job that you don't really...

[9:35] Nobody knows what writers do or what editors do.

[9:37] So, you can just kind of have her not doing her job and no one cares.

[9:41] But here's the thing, Dan and Stuart.

[9:43] Chapter Pad is disrupting the way we read stories.

[9:47] Oh, okay.

[9:48] By bringing together the internet and a lack of those gatekeepers who are keeping you from reading the hottest, hardest hardcore erotica written by amateurs around.

[10:00] You wouldn't know it from their squeaky clean offices or the fact that it seems to be almost entirely staffed by women, which, to be honest, is fairly accurate to the publishing industry.

[10:08] But Chapter Pad said, hey, who says Moby Dick can't have hardcore sex scenes in it?

[10:14] Who says that A Tale of Two Cities can't now be a bondage story?

[10:18] Because that's what Chapter Pad does.

[10:19] It takes the great works of literature, puts them in the hands of fan fiction amateurs, and turns them into the Fifty Shades of Grays of Tomorrow.

[10:27] And you can read it on your phone with the Chapter Pad app.

[10:30] Hi, everybody.

[10:31] I'm Elliot Kalin for the Chapter Pad app.

[10:33] Have you ever been on a bus or waiting for a meeting, and you've wanted to read a version of Dante's Inferno that's lighter on the Catholic theology and heavier on the sex?

Dan McCoy

[10:42] Have you ever been in public and wanted to get a boner?

Elliott Kalan

[10:47] All the time, guys.

[10:48] I'm Elliot Kalin for publicboners.com.

[10:51] Publicboners.com is your place for things that you can look at in public safely, but will still give you a boner.

[10:57] Well, it depends on what you're turned on by.

[10:59] Are you turned on by maps of countries you've never been to?

[11:01] In that case, publicboner.com is the place for you.

[11:04] It's mainly public domain maps of places I assume you haven't been to.

[11:08] But Chapter Pad, it's disruptive.

[11:10] It's disrupting the way we read.

[11:12] It's disrupting the way we think.

[11:14] Disrupting the way we disrupt.

[11:15] And disrupting the way we disrobe.

[11:17] Dan Stewart, would you like to invest in this new startup?

[11:19] I need a couple of unicorn investors.

[11:21] Some Pegasi, if you will.

[11:23] I know Pegasus is not technically a unicorn, but whatever.

[11:26] Let's just go with that.

[11:28] Do you have any questions?

[11:29] What's a unicorn investor?

[11:31] A unicorn investor is like someone who's going to give you all their money and expect nothing in return.

[11:36] And it's called a unicorn investor because much like a unicorn, a virgin needs to sit down in the forest to attract the investor.

[11:42] The investor lays its head in her lap and then we murder it, split it open, take the money that's inside.

[11:47] It needs to invest in our business.

[11:49] What I'm talking about, guys, is a boffo IPO.

[11:52] I just need your money to help get Chapterpad off the ground.

[11:55] Then we go IPO.

[11:56] We release a zillion shares for $3 zillion.

[11:59] And we're so wealthy, we can escape to the moon.

[12:03] So what do you guys think?

[12:04] That's the Chapterpad promise.

[12:07] So what can you tell me?

Stuart Wellington

[12:09] I wasn't realizing that this was like a plot to get off world.

[12:11] I didn't know we were doing the jumbotrons already.

Elliott Kalan

[12:15] Guys, have you ever wanted to make enough that you can finally move to Elysium?

[12:21] Because that's what Chapterpad offers with this investment opportunity.

Stuart Wellington

[12:24] I think instead of doing that, I want to get some kind of terminal like brain cancer and then get a robot exoskeleton and then fight my way to Elysium.

[12:34] Sure, that's the traditional way to get to Elysium, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[12:36] But I'm offering a shortcut.

[12:38] Invest in Chapterpad.

[12:39] Help people read public domain fan fiction sex versions of the classic works of literature.

[12:44] And we all win.

[12:46] That's Ellie Kalen for publicboner.com Chapterpad.

Stuart Wellington

[12:49] Dan, you got a lot of money, right?

[12:51] You're always bragging about it.

Dan McCoy

[12:53] Yeah, that's the key personality trait.

[12:58] I don't need to tell you, the listener.

[13:00] You've been listening to 240-some episodes now that you know that I am rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly.

[13:07] No, but you're always bragging about it off air.

Stuart Wellington

[13:09] You're always like, those rubes that listen to our podcast don't know that I'm swimming in the bucks.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] Dan actually has a solid gold handkerchief.

[13:18] Yeah.

[13:18] And it's gold doesn't absorb mucus.

[13:20] No, it's...

[13:20] So he just blows his nose into it and then throws it away.

[13:23] It is ineffective.

[13:24] Hopefully...

[13:25] It is poorly designed.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] If it absorbed the mucus, he'd hold onto it for future generations.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] And if Dan, when he throws it away, if he hits a homeless person in the head with it, he goes, ka-ching!

[13:35] Bonus points!

Dan McCoy

[13:37] Look, I'm doing a homeless person a favor.

[13:40] They can sell that gold handkerchief for big bucks.

[13:44] Bafo bucks.

Elliott Kalan

[13:45] Uh-oh.

[13:46] Maybe I should get them to invest in my...

[13:47] In Chapterpad.

[13:49] So anyway, yeah, they work at Chapterpad, a storytelling website, and they give Rosara Dawson a birthday party thrown by her friend slash boss.

[13:56] It was a going-away party.

[13:58] Oh, no, you're right.

[13:58] It's a going-away party from her friend slash boss, Whitney Cummings.

[14:02] And Whitney Cummings gets her a hat as a birthday present.

[14:05] And, oh, no, it's a going-away present.

[14:06] They really spend a lot of time talking about that hat.

Stuart Wellington

[14:08] Creator of Two Broke Girls, Whitney Cummings.

Dan McCoy

[14:12] Yeah.

[14:12] Talk about someone you should get into and invest in something.

[14:16] Yeah.

[14:16] Like, she's got the money.

Stuart Wellington

[14:17] So she gives her a hat, which is awesome, because, you know, Rosario Dawson loves hats.

[14:23] Yeah.

[14:23] And the way they're talking, you realize that she's leaving San Francisco to marry a man.

[14:31] Marry a fella.

[14:33] And that she had just come out of a, what, a bad relationship?

[14:37] An abusive relationship.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] An abusive relationship.

[14:38] She was the victim of domestic abuse with her ex-boyfriend.

[14:42] And now she's, but she's leaving all that behind.

[14:44] She's going to Southern California, and she just drives there.

[14:47] And at a certain point in the opening credits driving trip, her suitcases open up and all

[14:51] her clothes fall out while she's driving.

[14:54] Yep.

[14:54] And you just have to assume she never gets those again.

[14:56] It's a weirdly Muppet moment in this otherwise very serious, you know, like, love triangle thriller.

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] At that point, that is the butterfly shedding its chrysalis and moving on.

Dan McCoy

[15:08] I also like that the street that she drives away from in San Francisco that she was living

Stuart Wellington

[15:15] on is Cervantes Street.

[15:17] Guys, do you get it?

[15:19] Named after Cervantes from the Soul Calibur video game.

[15:23] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[15:26] I was wondering where you're going with that.

[15:28] It was just like, yeah, this really is a modern day Don Quixote story.

Stuart Wellington

[15:32] I don't know anything about that, but Soul Calibur, what a game, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[15:38] It's a modern day Soul Calibur story.

[15:41] And also, one other thing in the opening credits is you get that moment where there's an executive

[15:46] producer credit for Steven Mnuchin, the current secretary of the treasury, who's a real piece

[15:51] of garbage.

[15:52] So that's a nice moment when you're like, oh, when I rented this on iTunes, he got a penny

[15:57] from it.

[15:57] I don't like that.

Stuart Wellington

[15:58] Yeah, I don't like that at all.

[16:01] Oh, man.

[16:02] So that's basically where my notes end.

Elliott Kalan

[16:06] Okay, well, I'll take over from here then if you want me to.

[16:09] Yeah, you can take over.

[16:10] I'll jump in.

[16:11] Okay, we cut to Catherine Heigl is putting on makeup.

[16:14] Oh, my God.

[16:16] I love this part.

[16:17] She is allowing her daughter to put on a drop of her perfume, and then she says, now you're

[16:21] perfect, just like mommy.

[16:24] What a great introduction.

[16:26] She's a real, and so she's the ex-wife of Rosario Dawson's fiance, and she's being kind

[16:31] of polite, but the music tells us she's very creepy.

[16:34] She's very controlling.

[16:35] She's a real robo lady, a real Stepford ex-wife.

Dan McCoy

[16:38] She's an ice queen stereotype, basically.

Elliott Kalan

[16:41] Yeah, and not the fun type of ice queen like in Frozen, where she has ice powers and sings

[16:46] songs about letting it go.

[16:48] She never sings a song, and she does not have ice powers.

[16:50] She has the power to freeze Rosario Dawson with fear.

[16:54] And give audiences the chills.

[16:57] Yes, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[16:58] Let me say, let it go.

[17:00] What is it?

Elliott Kalan

[17:02] The restrictions that she's had through her life before then.

[17:05] I mean, the song makes a lot of sense in the context of the film, Dan.

[17:08] Oh, okay.

[17:09] Up until that point, she's been told she can never use her powers in public.

[17:12] She has to pretend to be someone she's not.

[17:14] And now, you know what?

[17:15] She's already in trouble.

[17:16] She's off in a frozen wasteland.

[17:18] Let's just make an ice castle for herself, a la Dr. Manhattan on Mars in Watchmen, who

[17:24] makes a castle out of glass sand.

[17:26] And she's just like, let it go.

[17:28] I mean, the lyrics, if you've ever listened to it, are not, if you've ever listened to

[17:32] the movie version, are all about, I have these powers, now I'm just going to see how far I

[17:35] can go with them.

[17:36] The Demi Lovato radio version is not about that at all.

[17:39] It seems to be about a relationship gone bad.

Dan McCoy

[17:41] Well, ask a stupid question, get a serious answer, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] Yep, that's that old Al Jaffe department at MAD.

[17:49] Serious answers to stupid questions.

[17:52] Where like, it would have someone being like, uh, Good Friday?

[17:57] What's so good about it?

[17:58] They crucified him.

[17:59] And this person would be like, well, it's a different understanding of the word good than

[18:02] you're using right now.

[18:03] It embodies, you know, the good news that mankind can be redeemed of their individual

[18:09] sin and original sin through the blood and the suffering of Christ.

[18:11] And the person who asked the question is like, uh, I just kind of wanted to make a joke

[18:15] real fast.

Stuart Wellington

[18:16] I'm a, I don't know if you notice this.

[18:18] I'm a dad making jokes over here.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] And the answer is like, oh, I'm so sorry.

[18:22] I didn't realize you were a dad.

[18:24] Go about your business.

[18:25] You just show your dad license and you're allowed to make any dumb joke you want.

[18:28] So anyway, uh, Rosario Dawson and her fiance, who I don't remember his name.

[18:33] He is like the blandest, dullest white man type of character.

[18:39] He is like, and he used to be in a, he used to work in finance.

[18:42] Now he's achieved his dream of opening up a micro brew.

[18:45] And it is, everything about him is so hateful to me.

[18:50] He's like, you know that he was like a fucking college lacrosse player or some shit.

[18:53] And like had a ton of fun with his, with his buddies, Chet and Goober back at the frat

[18:58] house and probably was terrible to women.

[19:01] And now he's just a winner all through life.

[19:03] He never has to shave.

[19:05] He always has a little bit of stubble because you know what it looks, he looks, if he's a

[19:08] little disheveled, it looks super sexy.

Dan McCoy

[19:10] But not enough stubble might, I watched this with a friend and she was very adamant that

[19:14] anyone starting up their own micro brewery should have had a full beard.

[19:18] Like that was the thing you found least believable about this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:23] Yeah.

[19:23] You don't ever really see him.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] You also don't ever really see him like work.

[19:29] No, nobody ever has to work in this movie.

[19:31] They have so much time to just wander around eating lunch and just talking to each other

[19:36] and getting into tension.

[19:37] They never seem to have to do anything.

[19:39] It's even as parents because the, her fiance has again, this like almost tween daughter

[19:46] with Catherine Heigl.

[19:47] They don't ever have to do that much parenting, but anyway, there's a moment.

[19:51] So they're taking the daughter for the weekend and there's a moment where the daughter, I

[19:55] guess, I don't know if she had a bad dream, but she crawls into bed with her dad and her

[19:59] step-mom to be, and it cuts to Catherine Heigl in her bed at her house.

[20:03] And she briefly awakens because her, her, her paranoia sense that she might be being replaced

[20:09] like triggers something.

[20:10] It's like, it's one of those moments where you're like, is she like an other worldly creature?

[20:16] Like, is it possible that, is it possible that Catherine Heigl is actually like a dry ad or

[20:22] something like that?

[20:23] Like, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[20:24] She's certainly possessed by some kind of demon and we'll get to that more later.

[20:28] Um.

[20:28] Oh yes.

[20:29] So yeah, at that point, so at that point the dad can't make dinner, you know, Catherine

[20:35] Heigl shows up unannounced at dinner where Rosario Dawson is cooking and she is kind of shitty

[20:40] to her.

[20:41] She makes pasta because Rosario Dawson's food is too spicy for her daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[20:46] Too spicy because her daughter has only been exposed to the most Caucasian of foods, I assume.

[20:52] Yeah.

[20:52] And the, the, the hint of ethnicity that comes with Rosario Dawson is just too much.

[20:57] It's a, this, this macaroni and queso is just too spicy.

[21:01] I guess this is a very, what's weird about this movie is that you could totally see this

[21:07] movie.

[21:07] Maybe it's the Steven Mnuchin connection.

[21:09] I don't know, but it's like, you could totally see it as a kind of Trump movie where it's

[21:13] like these non-white women are coming in and stealing our white husbands from our white

[21:17] selves and our white daughters and they're cooking them spicy food.

[21:22] This is outrageous.

[21:23] Her hair isn't even the right color.

[21:25] Like it's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, maybe it taps into something, you know,

[21:30] a real sense of anxiety that the Catherine Heigl's of the world have now in middle America and

[21:34] in the wealthier enclaves of, of the suburbs.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] What do you guys think?

[21:38] Yeah.

[21:38] I mean, they keep talking about how this is a small town, but they, the only houses we

[21:43] see in this small town are really big.

[21:45] Are enormous.

[21:47] And I don't think that small town has the labor to run a brewery.

[21:54] Like, they don't.

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] Well, you don't know this.

[21:55] They actually work.

[21:56] They actually live in Galt's Gulch from the Atlas Shrugged books.

[21:59] Oh, yeah.

[21:59] All the creators, Atlas Shrugged books.

[22:02] The one book.

[22:03] I thought it was because they made three movies out of it.

[22:06] The Atlas Shrugged trilogy.

Dan McCoy

[22:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:08] The Atlas Shrugged trilogy.

[22:09] The, uh, that they live in, they live in Galt's Gulch where all the makers and creators

[22:13] went to get away from all the takers and the leeches.

[22:16] So that guy, I assume all the rich people just kick in and help each other clean their, their

[22:21] own houses and run their own breweries.

[22:23] But everyone in the movie seems to be super just wealthy and have no cares in the world

[22:28] except that their lives might be stolen by this woman from San Francisco.

[22:32] Something we learn.

[22:34] Rosario Dawson's restraining order against her abusive ex-boyfriend has expired because

[22:39] she gets a piece of mail that tells her this.

[22:41] And also Rosario Dawson makes it clear she's not on Facebook.

[22:45] Why would she be on Facebook?

[22:46] She only works at a website.

[22:48] She only works in the, in the world of social marketing and online media.

[22:52] Why would she be on Facebook?

Stuart Wellington

[22:53] I mean, I was under the impression she wasn't on Facebook because after this abusive relationship,

[22:57] she deleted all that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] Oh, that's probably it.

[23:01] That makes sense.

[23:01] I mean, okay.

[23:02] You know what?

[23:02] I retracted movie.

[23:04] Thank you.

[23:04] It makes more sense than I thought.

[23:05] So it moves.

Stuart Wellington

[23:06] After this, uh, situation, you know, Rosario Dawson's explaining that she wants to be, she wants

[23:11] to be good at being, you know, a mom in this case.

[23:15] So she, uh, is working on, she's working on this big activity board, which is the real

[23:20] lesson of the movie guys, activity schedules.

[23:23] That's the thing that's really unforgettable.

[23:25] Am I right?

Elliott Kalan

[23:26] No, it's very forgettable.

[23:27] That's why you need the board.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] Oh, okay.

[23:30] So cut to a scene of Catherine Heigl doing some angry horse riding.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:36] I think you skipped.

[23:37] Right.

[23:37] Angry 3D.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] Yeah.

[23:41] Uh, you skipped the part where in the middle of the night, Rosario Dawson hears a creepy

[23:45] noise.

[23:45] No, it's just the daughter's hamster.

[23:47] No, wait, that's her boyfriend at the window.

[23:49] Oh no, wait, it's her fiance at the door and he likes her food.

[23:51] And it was like the movie just didn't want to commit to any one jump scare.

[23:56] It was like, it kept coming up with new ideas and just throwing them out at you.

[24:00] But it was the rare moment in the movie where up to this point, anything was really happening.

[24:04] It felt like a movie that was content to kind of like sit around and wait for something to

[24:08] happen.

[24:09] Yeah.

[24:09] We're just kind of interact and be around real cinema verite.

Stuart Wellington

[24:13] Are you including the jump scare where he eats some food and you're, and he likes it

[24:17] and you're like, oh no, that was the food Catherine Eigle made.

[24:19] And then he's like, no, it's your food.

Dan McCoy

[24:21] I like it.

[24:22] I would like it if the movie just continued like doing jump scares after the guy came home.

[24:28] Like, it was just like, oh, something's on the porch.

[24:31] Oh, it's a raccoon.

[24:32] And then like she goes to bed and she like does that thing where she closes the mirror

[24:36] on the, on the, uh, what do you call it?

[24:39] Above the sink.

[24:40] Yeah.

[24:40] And someone's standing behind her and it was just like, oh, my mom came to visit.

[24:46] Yep.

[24:47] And she picks up some mail and she's like, oh no, it's a bill.

Stuart Wellington

[24:50] Oh no, it's for someone else.

Dan McCoy

[24:52] Because bills are the really scary thing.

[24:54] Am I right guys?

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:57] Uh, the Buffalo bills are a scary football team.

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] So.

[25:00] And a scary serial killer.

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] Yeah.

[25:03] So now we're introduced to, uh, we have at what a dedication ceremony for the brewery.

[25:09] And that's where we figure out.

Elliott Kalan

[25:10] It's parent.

[25:11] Before that it's parents day at school.

[25:13] Uh huh.

[25:14] And I was, I was watching this scene with my wife and she described, uh, Catherine Heigl

[25:17] gives her daughter what my wife described as the least affectionate hug I've ever seen.

[25:22] And Heigl sees them all like leaving without her.

[25:25] And it was at this point that I was kind of curious as to why Catherine Heigl didn't get

[25:29] to spend any time with her daughter.

[25:30] But we learn why later.

[25:32] Uh, go to the, okay.

[25:33] The brewery is opening.

[25:34] Stu, what happens?

Stuart Wellington

[25:36] Uh, yeah, I don't know.

[25:37] That's where you're introduced to what this guy does for a living.

[25:40] And, uh, yeah, I just don't like this guy, man.

[25:42] Like, uh, and we're also introduced to the idea that Catherine Heigl, I guess it's still

[25:47] a partner.

[25:48] I'm assuming she was part of the, she owns part of the brewery.

[25:51] They make jokes about how she won't even drink beer.

Elliott Kalan

[25:55] Uh, and she takes the microphone at the ceremony and says she wasn't thrilled that he was chasing

[25:59] his beer dream, but she wishes him the best.

[26:02] And it's very clear from her tone that she does not wish him the best.

Stuart Wellington

[26:05] And she's also wearing the, uh, she's also wearing the white dress that Rosario Dawson

[26:10] had tried on earlier that day to be a possible wedding dress.

Elliott Kalan

[26:15] That's yeah.

[26:16] Rosario Dawson stopped at Catherine Heigl's favorite dress shop and tried on some dresses.

[26:20] She bought one, but she didn't buy that white dress.

[26:23] Uh, and I should mention, we know that Catherine Heigl wishes only the worst for everybody and

[26:28] is a bad person because as you mentioned, we saw her intensely riding a horse.

[26:32] And for some reason that I can't quite understand, riding a horse, a woman riding a horse in

[26:36] the movies has become shorthand for she's a bitch.

[26:39] Like if a woman is riding, if a woman is in jodhpurs and a riding cap and is riding, jumping

[26:45] a horse over some hurdles, it's like, oh damn, she must be a total terror.

[26:49] She's a total shrew.

[26:50] Why else would she be interested in communing with this animal for a moment?

Stuart Wellington

[26:53] That's how I felt when I'd watch Mad Men and I'm like, now that's, I get why Don

[26:58] Draper is such an asshole to people.

[27:00] Yeah.

[27:01] Cause he's got to come home to this horse riding lady.

Dan McCoy

[27:04] It's true though.

[27:04] Like, I, I mean, I assume that the shorthand here is like, oh, she's a rich person.

[27:09] Like she's from the upper classes.

[27:10] Like that's what, that's what, uh, most horse riders are in, in culture.

[27:16] I mean, like not really probably, but I mean, it takes a lot of money.

Stuart Wellington

[27:20] Like I'm in what?

[27:21] Like Western culture, right?

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:23] Uh, in Western culture.

[27:25] Not like wild West, but like, I'm assuming there's cultures where like everybody rides

[27:32] horses.

[27:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:33] Yeah.

[27:33] There's, and, uh, and also sometimes a woman just, just riding a horse off a diving board

[27:38] because wild hearts can't be broken.

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:40] She's not a bitch at all, but it's, I feel like, especially in, I think it's real more

[27:45] of an East coast thing where people cannot afford to ride horses unless they're wealthy.

[27:49] And it's like, oh, she's riding a horse.

[27:53] Either she is a real jerk or she's like the prim daughter of a rich man.

[27:57] And some scruffy guy from the streets is going to have to teach her the ropes of life.

Stuart Wellington

[28:01] And it's how she's dressed.

[28:02] If she was wearing like a fucking flannel shirt and just some jeans, people would be all

[28:07] about it.

[28:08] Right.

[28:08] People would be like, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:10] Then you just assume she's going to go host her own HGTV show where she like, she's doing

[28:14] all the construction herself with her oaf of a husband.

[28:17] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[28:18] I want to say, uh.

[28:19] That'd be called, that don't impress of me much.

[28:22] Right?

[28:23] Yeah.

[28:25] Dan, you assume?

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] Uh, no, I want to say.

[28:27] Which is a mistake.

Dan McCoy

[28:29] Because when you assume.

[28:30] Oof.

[28:31] Well, you assumed that I said.

[28:32] You fucking dad joke.

[28:32] Assume because I said I want to say.

[28:35] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[28:36] Which sounds kind of like assume, but not really.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] I misheard.

[28:38] Okay, I'll save my dad joke for later.

[28:40] Dan, you wanted to say.

[28:42] Dan, as Dave Matthews once said, what would you say?

Dan McCoy

[28:46] I would say that I, even though she's being coded very obviously as being a villainous, uh, true

[28:53] woman.

[28:54] Mm-hmm.

[28:54] Uh, I.

[28:55] True woman.

[28:56] I had a lot of sympathy for Katherine Heigl early in the movie.

[29:00] Uh, because, you know, she's being replaced by a new woman in her old, her whole, her old

[29:07] life.

[29:07] She's saying her daughter, you know, look to this new mother figure.

[29:12] And, uh, I thought.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] And a woman with.

[29:14] I mean, Rosario Dawson is rightfully so.

[29:17] Uh, you know, she's.

[29:19] Has a.

[29:20] She has a mysterious past.

[29:21] Like, she's not super comfortable sharing all that information with other people.

[29:25] And if you're trusting this person to basically be a big part of your child's life, I could see.

[29:32] Yeah.

[29:33] Nervous about it.

Dan McCoy

[29:34] And I sort of.

[29:34] Sure, sure.

[29:35] I sort of, like, enjoy that the movie spent a little time sort of giving this villainous

[29:42] character a little depth.

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:44] Like, you know, a reason to think of her as a.

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] Uh, minimal.

[29:47] Yeah, no, I agree with Dan.

[29:50] She is.

[29:50] There's.

[29:51] This is the kind of movie where the, where the mother, a mother sings alouette to her

[29:55] daughter and it's presented as a chilling moment.

[30:01] It's like, oh, this should be, this should haunt your dreams till the, till the end of

Dan McCoy

[30:05] your days.

[30:06] Is that more like upper class coding?

[30:08] It's just like, oh, this woman knows French.

[30:10] She's no good.

Elliott Kalan

[30:11] I think so.

[30:12] Yeah.

[30:12] But I would.

[30:13] Yeah.

[30:13] She is.

[30:13] This new woman's coming into her life that she doesn't really know is going to be taking

[30:17] care of her daughter.

[30:18] And this woman, Rosario Dawson's from San Francisco.

[30:20] Best case scenario, she's a full house.

[30:22] Worst case scenario, she's a Zodiac killer.

[30:25] Yeah.

[30:25] I mean, come on.

Stuart Wellington

[30:27] So this, uh, so that, you know, this party goes on.

[30:32] Rosario Dawson is dancing with her, uh, her fiance and Catherine Heigl, but she left her phone

[30:38] sitting on a table, which is crazy.

[30:40] Why are you doing?

[30:41] Rosario Dawson did.

[30:42] Yeah.

[30:43] And, uh, she's receiving text messages from, I'm assuming Whitney Cummings.

Elliott Kalan

[30:47] Uh, and the whole time there's, since, since no other human being has been established in

[30:52] the world in this movie, you have to assume it's Whitney Cummings.

Stuart Wellington

[30:55] Yeah.

[30:56] And the, she of course is getting the text messages and the whole text is popping up on the screen,

[31:02] which is crazy.

[31:02] Why you be doing that?

[31:05] Why don't you fix your phone?

[31:07] Fix your phone.

[31:09] So Catherine Heigl sees these texts and realizes, oh my God, they're engaged.

[31:13] They're going to get married.

[31:15] Uh, so she steals the phone and has sex with, uh, has angry sex with, uh, one of the guys

[31:20] who works there.

[31:21] Yeah, some dude.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] Um.

[31:22] With a stranger in a car in the rain.

[31:24] Yeah.

[31:25] And then she lets him out.

[31:27] She's having used and abused him.

[31:29] She lets him out in the rain, refuses to drive him anywhere and speeds off.

[31:34] She goes, she dismounts then goes, go now.

Elliott Kalan

[31:37] Yeah.

[31:38] And, uh, it's raining very hard for Southern California.

[31:40] I'll just say that right there.

[31:43] It's one of the rare sex monsoons that we have.

[31:45] When someone has angry sex in the car, huge rains, it does terrible damage to property.

Stuart Wellington

[31:51] I don't know if you saw in the, uh, I don't know if you saw in the credits, but there's a,

[31:55] they snuck a little Easter egg in there for real fans.

[31:57] That actor, that character's name is.

[31:59] Real fans of what?

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] Unforgettable?

[32:01] Yeah.

[32:02] The character's name is.

[32:03] For the forget-aheads.

[32:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:06] The character's name is Horace, which sounds a lot like horse because she rides them when

[32:11] angry.

[32:12] I just made all that up.

[32:15] Wait, so his name is not Horace?

[32:18] It was a joke.

[32:19] Come on.

[32:19] Laugh a little.

Elliott Kalan

[32:21] Live it up.

[32:22] I thought you were positing some sort of unforgettable Louis C.K.

[32:26] Cinematic Universe where that's Horace from Horace and Pete.

[32:29] Uh-huh.

[32:30] Louis C.K.'s sadness show.

[32:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:33] Unforgettable, just as funny as Horace and Pete.

Dan McCoy

[32:36] Or he's Mickey's friend, Horace Horsefeather.

[32:40] The horse character.

[32:41] I thought his name was Horace Horsecaller.

Stuart Wellington

[32:44] I think it's Horace Horsefeather, but we can look it up later.

[32:47] In either case, it's funny.

[32:49] Well, you know, just laugh.

[32:50] It's funny.

Elliott Kalan

[32:51] Listeners, write in and weigh in on the Horace Feather, Horace Collar debate.

[32:56] Send in your questions.

[32:56] We'll be doing a live debate on CNN in three weeks, and we'll be answering some of your

[33:00] questions about this.

[33:01] Oh, you're right.

[33:02] It is Horace Collar.

[33:03] I looked it up right now.

[33:04] Well, listeners, don't send in your questions.

[33:07] The debate is over.

[33:09] I won.

[33:10] Oh, yeah.

[33:11] I'm now the president of, I guess, a screw Disney characters.

Stuart Wellington

[33:14] Elliot's dabbing over there.

[33:16] That's crazy.

[33:18] What?

Elliott Kalan

[33:19] Oh, wow.

[33:20] You are a dab.

[33:21] Don't even worry about it.

[33:22] Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[33:23] What does that mean?

[33:25] Well, so she...

[33:27] The only thing, Stuart, the only thing I'm dabbing is paint onto this old car that I'm

[33:32] restoring in my garage, because I'm a dad now.

Stuart Wellington

[33:36] The only thing you're dabbing is barbecue sauce off of your, what, college sweater you're

Elliott Kalan

[33:42] wearing?

[33:42] Yeah, all right.

[33:44] Like my apron that says, kiss me, I'm Irish, and the joke is I'm not Irish.

[33:49] No.

[33:50] So anyway, Katherine Heigl goes to one of my favorite things, which is a really fakie internet

[33:55] search engine.

[33:57] She goes to backgroundprobe.com, and she gets the password to Rosario Dawson's phone and

[34:03] links the phone to Rosario Dawson's computer.

Stuart Wellington

[34:06] Now, guys, I don't want to call you guys out right now, but do you guys ever use the digits

[34:12] from your birthday as a password?

[34:15] Because that seems crazy.

[34:18] Yeah.

[34:19] That does seem crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[34:21] I don't really want to talk about what I use as my password, but I don't use the digits

[34:24] on my birthday.

[34:26] Okay.

[34:27] So he does use the digits on his birthday.

[34:29] It seems like an obvious thing.

[34:31] My password is 123 Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[34:34] Oh, wow.

[34:36] You changed your tune pretty quick, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[34:40] Well, you know, that's just, okay.

[34:42] Well, let me tell you what my password is, for real.

[34:43] Okay.

[34:44] My password is...

[34:46] Fidelio.

[34:48] Fidelio.

[34:49] Oh, so you know it already.

[34:50] Yeah.

[34:51] But Dan, what's the second password?

Dan McCoy

[34:54] There is no second password?

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] Damn.

[34:56] Okay.

[34:57] You got through my system.

[34:58] All right.

[34:58] Well, I guess, welcome to my masked orgy.

[35:01] How's it going?

[35:02] It's just the two of us, I guess.

[35:04] I'm...

[35:04] Yeah.

[35:04] I'm kind of waiting for other people to show up.

[35:06] I was glad to believe.

[35:07] I'm glad that you guessed the passwords because I was getting pretty bored just sitting here

[35:10] naked in a mask eating Tostitos by myself.

[35:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:13] I guess until anybody else shows up, we should just play some Parcheesi or something.

Elliott Kalan

[35:19] Yeah, that is the sexiest of the board games.

[35:21] Yeah, let's set it up.

[35:22] I don't know how to play it, but okay.

[35:24] Or you could just have some of these olives.

[35:26] There's just bowls of olives everywhere.

[35:28] That's a pretty sexy snack, right?

[35:30] Yeah, you eat it with your hands.

[35:31] Yeah, and you can pretend it's witch's eyeballs.

[35:33] I mean, most snacks you eat with your hands.

Stuart Wellington

[35:38] Okay, that's a fair point.

[35:38] Yeah, I guess unless you're bobbing for olives.

[35:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:44] So that's either incredibly difficult or incredibly easy.

[35:48] Depends on the olives to water ratio.

[35:50] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] The brine really gets in your eyes.

[35:53] The traditional summertime Tuscan game, bobbing for olives.

Elliott Kalan

[35:58] Now, the hard part, too, is when you're bobbing for the olives, your mask keeps slipping off.

[36:02] So everyone learns your identity at the secret elitist orgy.

[36:06] But Dan, you guessed the password, so I guess you go first, take off your clothes, and start bobbing for olives.

[36:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[36:12] So I love when they pop open Rosario Dawson's phone.

[36:19] She just has all of her important documents on it.

[36:23] Yeah, she has her documents on her phone somehow.

[36:26] Do you guys do that?

[36:28] Am I doing being an adult wrong?

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:31] Like, right now, I need to...

Elliott Kalan

[36:33] Yeah, you're supposed to keep it all in one place.

Stuart Wellington

[36:34] I need to get a new watch band for a watch that I love, and I don't know how to do that.

[36:41] So what do I do?

Dan McCoy

[36:43] There's a nice watch repair shop on Vanderbilt, actually, that probably could hook you right up.

[36:49] Guys, I'm going to stop you right there.

[36:51] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:52] I'm going to stop you right there.

Dan McCoy

[36:53] Local Brooklyn promotion of local Brooklyn businesses.

Elliott Kalan

[36:58] Let's save it for your podcast, Clockers, which is all about local watch repair shops.

[37:05] And we'll go on to...

[37:06] Or your other podcast, The Bilt Boys, where you talk about businesses on Vanderbilt in Brooklyn.

[37:12] Let's talk about that later.

Stuart Wellington

[37:13] Now, Clockers is different than Clockstoppers, my podcast where I just talk about the movie Clockstoppers.

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] Yeah, very different.

[37:21] Now, Katherine Heigl finds a selfie of Rosario Dawson in bed with her fiancé, and she, like, reacts to it physically.

[37:29] Like, it shakes her to the core.

[37:31] So no wonder that she looks up this abusive ex-boyfriend on Facebook and then contacts him pretending to be Rosario Dawson.

[37:40] Bum, bum, bum.

Stuart Wellington

[37:42] I was watching this with Charlene, and she was talking to the movie at this point.

[37:48] She's like, don't do that.

[37:52] She's going to connect to him on Facebook?

[37:54] Which is a really weird option to have in that background check website.

[37:59] I mean, I guess if you're using that background check...

[38:02] Wait, background...

[38:03] What's the fucking name of the website?

[38:04] Backgroundprobe.com.

[38:05] Yeah.

[38:06] I guess if you're using backgroundprobe.com as a way to, like, find old, like, people you went to, like, high school with that for some reason you didn't immediately just go to Facebook for.

[38:18] I guess I see why you would have a connect to this person on Facebook hotlink on that page.

[38:24] But that seems weird.

Elliott Kalan

[38:25] That's the thing about the movie that actually makes a lot of sense when we dig into it.

[38:28] Yeah.

[38:30] Yeah, I guess this movie's perfect.

[38:31] It's like a steel trap.

[38:32] It's so tight.

[38:33] So anyway, Katherine Heigl is setting things up.

[38:37] She...

[38:37] Katherine Heigl's mom comes to visit, and she's played by Cheryl Ladd.

[38:41] Uh-huh.

[38:41] And she is...

[38:42] You see where Katherine Heigl comes from, because she is a kind of brittly critical blonde wealth bot.

[38:48] Yeah.

[38:48] Like, she is to Katherine Heigl what Katherine Heigl is to a normal person.

[38:54] Like, it's just...

[38:55] It's exponentially more critical and emotionless and wealthy and blonde.

[39:02] And she must ride, like, seven horses at once.

[39:05] Like, that's what I get from this.

[39:07] Or maybe she rides, like, a giraffe.

Stuart Wellington

[39:09] I had to slam on the pause button and then go to information on this movie, because for a second I thought,

[39:19] did somebody...

[39:19] Did the TV just change to the movie The Granny, which is a horror movie about an evil monster granny?

[39:27] But you know what?

[39:28] No, I was actually watching the movie Unforgettable, which is what we're talking about today.

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Fascinating tale.

[39:34] Glad you spun that yarn for us.

[39:37] So, her mom is...

[39:40] Katherine Heigl says, I think I'm going to have to get a job.

[39:42] And her mom's like, no, you don't.

[39:43] You should just get a new David.

[39:44] You ruined your last marriage.

[39:46] You have to get a new one.

[39:47] And Katherine Heigl sadly watches her wedding video as she overhears her mother criticizing her daughter.

[39:54] And it's like...

[39:55] And it's another moment where you're like, okay, now I kind of sympathize with Katherine Heigl.

[39:58] Like, she wasn't born a monster.

[40:00] She was made a monster.

[40:01] She says, you know what?

[40:02] I have sympathy for this devil.

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] Hoo-hoo.

[40:05] Hoo-hoo.

[40:06] Oh, wow.

[40:07] Getting the songs out up front.

[40:09] I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:10] And, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:12] Rosario Dawson meets with some of her fiancé's friends.

[40:16] And they all talk about how they like coming over to the house now.

[40:21] That Katherine Heigl doesn't live there.

[40:23] Because before, when they would come over, they'd always have to be walking on eggshells.

[40:30] What?

[40:31] This is a...

[40:31] What is the music parody of?

[40:34] It's a parody of walking in Memphis.

[40:35] Walking in Memphis.

[40:36] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] Because I would have gone to walking on broken glass.

Stuart Wellington

[40:41] I guess...

[40:42] I mean, that's not...

[40:43] It's not my range.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] Dan, what song about walking would you have used?

Stuart Wellington

[40:47] Unlike when you sang it, where you were pitch perfect on that one.

Elliott Kalan

[40:51] Perfect pitch.

[40:52] Because you also could have gone, I'm walking on eggshells.

[40:55] Whoa.

[40:56] Yeah.

[40:57] And don't feel bad.

Dan McCoy

[40:58] That's just a good song.

[40:59] Or like, I go out walking on some eggshells after midnight.

[41:06] No, wait.

[41:06] But guys...

[41:07] I go to Heigl's house.

[41:08] Guys.

Stuart Wellington

[41:09] But I'm walking on eggshells.

[41:13] Wait.

[41:13] What was that?

[41:14] That's walking in Memphis again, too.

[41:17] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[41:19] Okay.

[41:19] You know what?

[41:20] Are you guys fucking with me today?

[41:21] I don't recognize the song once.

[41:22] Shame on you.

[41:23] Don't recognize the song twice.

[41:24] Shame on me.

[41:24] That's on us.

[41:27] Oh, man.

[41:28] Okay.

[41:28] Walk like you're on eggshells.

[41:30] Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

[41:32] Ba-na-na-na-na-na.

[41:33] That's the bank.

[41:33] There's a lot of walking songs.

Dan McCoy

[41:35] I guess we do it a lot as a human being.

Elliott Kalan

[41:37] It's a common human experience.

[41:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:41] So we now cut to a scene where...

Elliott Kalan

[41:43] Dan's like, there's a lot of songs about love.

[41:45] Why is that?

Dan McCoy

[41:46] I mean, we don't sing a lot of songs about breathing, other than the air that I breathe.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] And every breath you take.

Dan McCoy

[41:54] Okay.

[41:54] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[41:55] And what's that?

[41:56] What?

[41:56] Breathe by Pink Floyd?

[41:58] All right.

[41:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:59] Fine.

[41:59] But there's not a lot of songs about pooping.

[42:01] Why is that?

Stuart Wellington

[42:03] Let me introduce you to a bunch of heavy metal songs.

Elliott Kalan

[42:07] There is a YouTube video where a little girl sings a parody of Let It Go called Let Me Poop.

[42:13] And there's a new verse for every verse.

[42:16] Like, she really goes all out with it.

[42:18] So if you want to hear something about poop, that's one.

[42:21] Anyway.

[42:22] So is this when we learn that Captain Heigl actually cheated on her husband, David, and that's why the marriage broke up?

Stuart Wellington

[42:30] Yeah.

[42:30] It's somewhere around here.

[42:32] Is that when they go to that Mexican restaurant that is very well appointed?

Elliott Kalan

[42:37] Oh, maybe that's earlier.

[42:38] Yeah.

[42:38] I can't remember.

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:40] Catherine Heigl has lunch with Rosario Dawson at a Mexican restaurant where I think they both just have, like, green salads.

[42:46] Yeah.

[42:46] It's trying to mend bridges.

Stuart Wellington

[42:47] And by green salads, you mean a ton of margaritas, baby.

[42:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:52] Yeah.

[42:52] Well, they are ladies buying expensive dresses in the middle of the day with nothing to do.

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] And I couldn't take my eyes off of the statues in this restaurant.

[43:01] Like, there's all these sombreros and, like, sleepy guys wearing sombrero statues in the restaurant.

[43:08] It's really great.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] So it's called PJ Racist is what you're saying.

[43:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:12] I mean, yeah.

[43:13] I mean, I don't know.

[43:14] It's in Southern California.

[43:17] Isn't there a lot of great Mexican food in Southern California?

[43:19] Yeah, I'm sure.

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] There is.

[43:21] They tend not to have sleepy sombrero statues in the restaurants, though.

[43:25] Yeah, yeah.

[43:26] Just in my – I know I've only been here for a few months.

[43:28] Maybe I haven't been to most of the restaurants.

Stuart Wellington

[43:30] I mean, this seems like a pretty affluent white town.

[43:33] Like, I feel like most of their restaurants are racist caricatures.

Elliott Kalan

[43:37] I have to assume – this is my backstory for that restaurant.

[43:40] Much like David, the fiancé, quit his job to open a brewery.

[43:45] There was some young stockbroker who – now he's not young anymore.

[43:47] Now he's approaching 40 or he's in his early 40s.

[43:51] He's like, I always wanted to open a Mexican restaurant.

[43:53] But he doesn't know anything about Mexico or Mexican food.

[43:56] So he fills it full of sombreros and they just serve like hot dogs and salads.

[44:01] But they call it Mexican food because you can have a margarita with it.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:05] Yeah.

[44:06] So technically, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:07] Technically, if they get taken to kids' court, they can prove it.

Elliott Kalan

[44:10] It's called – the name of it is Jose Tequila Shots.

[44:13] And that's the Mexican restaurant in town.

Stuart Wellington

[44:15] So around this time, we're introduced to the idea that Rosario Dawson is obviously freaking out.

[44:21] Somebody – she's missing her.

[44:23] Her engagement ring.

Elliott Kalan

[44:24] She's getting a lot of anonymous phone calls and her engagement ring is missing.

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] And we also see a mysterious begloved person steal into the home while Rosario Dawson is about to take a bath.

[44:37] In the middle of the day.

[44:39] I don't know what her lifestyle is like, dude.

[44:41] Sometimes you just need a bath.

[44:44] She's super – and she's super stressed out.

[44:46] She almost goes back to smoking cigarettes, which is a sign of being stressed out.

Dan McCoy

[44:51] Haven't you taken a shower in the middle of the day where you're just like – the morning has gotten away from you?

[44:58] You're just like slobbing around the house, you know?

[45:01] Yeah, yeah.

[45:01] I guess so.

Stuart Wellington

[45:02] So here's the setup.

[45:03] You're right.

[45:04] She was slobbing around the house.

[45:05] Dan was eating a big bowl of chili and got all over himself.

[45:08] And he's like, I can't go out tonight covered in chili.

[45:12] I might as well take a shower.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] Okay.

[45:15] Fair point.

[45:15] Because he got it all in his hair.

[45:17] He was also naked.

[45:18] I'm a real chili boy.

[45:22] Yeah.

[45:23] Is that – Dan, that's the dating type that you are that you list on dating websites?

Dan McCoy

[45:28] I'm a real chili boy looking for a single woman.

[45:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:32] I'm spicy and messy.

[45:34] Mm-hmm.

[45:35] Looking for somebody who can sop me up.

Stuart Wellington

[45:37] Oh, gross.

[45:38] So –

[45:39] Okay.

[45:39] Pretty gross.

[45:39] So Rosario Dawson almost smokes cigarettes, but we also see cut to Katherine Heigl when

[45:45] she's in her, like, evil lair using the computer, and she's vaping it up because she's

[45:50] a bad guy, or she's just really fancy and refined, right?

[45:54] Is that what vape is code for?

Elliott Kalan

[45:56] Yes.

[45:57] It's code for fancy and refined, like Jabba the Hutt, the original vapor.

[46:01] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[46:02] I would like to think that, like, there's pot in there, and, like, she's secretly, like,

[46:06] a pothead.

Stuart Wellington

[46:07] I mean, maybe it's, you know, the SoCal lifestyle.

[46:11] Yeah, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[46:12] But you'd think she wouldn't be so uptight.

Dan McCoy

[46:14] Yeah, I know, but that would –

[46:14] She was a constant pothead.

[46:16] That's the thing.

[46:16] Like, she has the kind – she just keeps getting the kind of pot that gives you a lot of anxiety.

[46:20] Mm-hmm.

[46:21] Like, she's got a really bad –

Elliott Kalan

[46:22] Bizarro pot.

[46:22] The kind of pot that they grow on Bizarro World.

Stuart Wellington

[46:25] So was this when – is this when we have the – that montage – the weird sex montage

[46:31] where Rosario Dawson has sex with her fiancé in a lady's room?

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] Well, that's a –

[46:37] That's a little bit later.

[46:38] Let's – we'll quickly get to that.

[46:40] Rosario Dawson is bonding more and more with her future stepdaughter.

[46:43] She's having nightmares about her abusive ex-boyfriend.

[46:46] That scene where she was going to have a bath, it ends with her finding flowers from a mysterious

[46:50] stranger on the front door.

[46:52] And she has a very hostile interaction with Katherine Heigl, who stops by to drop off some mail.

Dan McCoy

[46:58] Also, unmotivated body double butt alert in that scene, too.

[47:04] Would you check that out on Mr. Skin?

[47:06] No, I remember it from the fucking movie.

[47:08] I watched the movie Unforgettable, and I noted the unmotivated body double butt shot.

Stuart Wellington

[47:14] Okay.

[47:14] How do you know it wasn't – how do you know it wasn't Rosario Dawson's book?

Dan McCoy

[47:17] Rosario Dawson is not going to get naked for Unforgettable.

Elliott Kalan

[47:20] Okay.

[47:20] She did for that Danny Boyle movie, right?

Stuart Wellington

[47:23] Yeah, but Danny Boyle is Danny Boyle.

[47:25] Wow.

[47:26] Harsh critique of Danny Boyle for Mel Hitt.

Elliott Kalan

[47:31] So anyway, Katherine Heigl spends forever making a fake Rosario Dawson Facebook page and chatting

[47:36] with the abusive ex-boyfriend, really getting him turned on, sending her coy Rosario Dawson

[47:41] pictures she stole from her phone.

Stuart Wellington

[47:43] I was kind of hoping it would turn into like a weird episode of that show, Catfish, at

[47:47] this point.

Elliott Kalan

[47:48] That's when they have their lunch at the Mexican restaurant.

[47:51] Katherine Heigl says, I had an affair that ruined the marriage.

[47:53] I have in my notes here, they have huge drinks.

[47:55] And Katherine Heigl says, the problem is that David, her ex-husband and Rosario Dawson

[48:00] is sexually insatiable.

[48:03] I thought we might get back together, but we didn't.

[48:05] And he just always needs sex.

[48:07] And Katherine Heigl goes home and mails a pair of Rosario Dawson's underpants to the abusive

[48:13] ex-boyfriend.

[48:14] And a key to the house.

[48:16] Yes.

[48:17] Rosario Dawson is under such stress right now that at the local carnival, she loses the

[48:23] daughter for a split second.

[48:25] She turns her back thinking she's being followed.

[48:27] The daughter has run off.

[48:29] And this is, to be honest, if I entrusted my son to somebody and I showed up, I was like,

[48:33] where's Sammy?

[48:34] And they're like, oh, I lost him.

[48:36] I would be fucking pissed.

[48:37] Like, I'd be so mad.

[48:39] But David starts doubting Rosario Dawson's sanity.

[48:43] Like, he just doesn't know much about her past.

[48:44] He's lost her daughter once.

Stuart Wellington

[48:46] This is a carnival where every person is either covered in face paint or wearing a hat.

[48:51] So like, yeah, it's like some kind of nightmare hellscape.

Elliott Kalan

[48:56] It's a basic carnival.

[48:58] Yeah.

[48:59] It's all terrifying.

[49:01] Rosario Dawson and Catherine Heigl have a fight over the daughter while Catherine Heigl is forcing

[49:06] the daughter to ride a horse.

[49:07] She's trying to force her into that mean ice queen lifestyle.

[49:11] The daughter just doesn't want it.

[49:13] The daughter chooses Rosario Dawson in front of the grandma, shaming Catherine Heigl particularly.

[49:20] And it's like, oh, damn, now it's going to get really bad.

[49:23] Here is when we get, now we've caught up to the scene.

[49:25] See what we're talking about.

[49:25] It's an investment dinner with investors of the brewery.

[49:28] Yeah.

[49:29] And Rosario Dawson seems to go into a fugue state, obsessing over Catherine Heigl's former

[49:34] sex life.

[49:35] And she pulls her fiance into a bathroom.

[49:37] And they have incredibly intense sex that neither of them seem to enjoy very much.

[49:43] They're just smashing furniture over and stuff, slamming into walls.

[49:46] And the looks on their faces are like, both of them thinks the other one wants to do this,

[49:51] but neither of them want to.

[49:52] So they just look really grim and upset the whole time.

[49:54] Yeah.

[49:54] It's terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[49:55] And this is intercut with shots of Catherine Heigl having, what, like, chat sex with...

[50:05] It's called cyber sex, too.

[50:06] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[50:08] She's cybering with the ex-boyfriend.

Stuart Wellington

[50:10] So she's cybering with the ex-boyfriend.

[50:12] While pretending to be Rosario Dawson.

[50:13] The abusive boyfriend while pretending to be Rosario Dawson.

[50:16] While pleasuring herself.

[50:19] And yeah, it's just a whole sad scene.

[50:21] Which was made more enjoyable by watching it with my wife, who kept complaining that you

[50:26] don't get to see the guy's butt.

Elliott Kalan

[50:31] Here's the thing about this scene.

[50:33] There's a...

[50:33] This movie up until this point is kind of like...

[50:37] Is kind of halfway dull.

[50:40] Halfway has potential to be a crazy movie.

[50:42] And I feel like it's this scene where the movie is just like, fuck it.

[50:45] We're going all the way.

[50:47] This is a crazy movie.

[50:48] Yeah.

[50:48] And you have this, like, double terrible sex scene where Rosario Dawson and her husband

[50:53] are engaging in this grim, unenjoyable bathroom tryst.

[50:59] Where they're, like, tearing at each other.

[51:01] It's almost like...

[51:02] Like, um...

[51:04] They are...

[51:05] They both hope that they're going to wake up from this at any moment.

[51:07] It's just going to be a terrible dream that they had.

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:09] And Katherine Heigl is basically doing what happens in Showtime TV shows.

[51:15] Like, the show...

[51:16] Or Cinemax TV shows.

[51:18] Like, it's that...

[51:19] The movie's just like, you know what?

[51:20] Why are we hiding anymore?

[51:21] Let's just be a crazy movie.

[51:23] Guys.

[51:24] Guys.

[51:25] Let's stop pretending.

[51:26] We're crazy.

[51:26] Let's just be crazy.

[51:28] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:29] But a crazy movie that's unwilling to show this fellow's bottom.

Elliott Kalan

[51:34] Hey.

[51:34] It's crazy.

[51:35] But that doesn't mean it has to be vulgar.

[51:38] It's double standard, man.

[51:40] They showed Rosario Dawson's butt.

Dan McCoy

[51:42] Come on.

[51:42] You said it was a double, Dan.

[51:44] I'm using shorthand, Elliot.

[51:47] Sorry, Dawson's character.

Stuart Wellington

[51:48] So you had mentioned that we were expecting some kind of fallout from the daughter shaming

[51:57] her mother in front of the grandmother.

[51:59] Right.

[51:59] And boy, do we get it.

[52:01] Because Katherine Heigl then uses this as an opportunity to cut her daughter's hair very

[52:06] short, revealing that this little girl's either wearing a super bad wig at this point,

[52:11] or the first hair was a super bad wig.

[52:14] I can't tell which was which.

Elliott Kalan

[52:16] You don't think they shot the movie in sequence and actually cut her hair?

Stuart Wellington

[52:19] And dyed it?

[52:21] Because it's like she's a burnette at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] Yeah.

[52:26] I mean, that's possible that that's what happened.

[52:29] So which one do you think the wig came in?

[52:32] I think it was always a wig?

Stuart Wellington

[52:32] I think it's a wig now.

[52:35] I think that little girl has naturally very blonde hair.

Elliott Kalan

[52:38] So would you say that Katherine Heigl at this point is wigging out?

[52:43] I mean, I would say that.

[52:44] Dad joke.

[52:44] It's a dad joke again.

[52:47] A joke from my dad.

[52:48] So it's bad.

[52:49] It's a dad joke.

Stuart Wellington

[52:50] So the little girl's got her hair cut.

[52:52] And it's like a normal person's, like, slightly over the shoulder haircut.

[52:57] But it's treated like you have just scarred this girl for a crime.

Elliott Kalan

[53:01] You've mutilated her.

[53:02] Yeah.

[53:02] You took one of her fingers in the form of hair, which will grow back.

Stuart Wellington

[53:07] And that's introduced in a scene right before Rosario Dawson is backed up the stairs by

[53:13] Katherine Heigl.

[53:14] And then when she gets to the top of the stairs, she does a little bit of play acting and then

[53:20] falls down the stairs as if Rosario Dawson pushed her.

Elliott Kalan

[53:23] Yeah.

[53:23] And everyone assumes Rosario Dawson did it.

[53:26] Clearly.

[53:26] It gives her the benefit of the doubt.

Dan McCoy

[53:28] Yeah, this is one of my problems with movies like this is, you know, these ostensibly loving

[53:35] relationships.

[53:36] As soon as someone starts getting gaslit, like, the husband always, like, is, like, immediately

[53:43] doubting the woman he's supposedly in love with.

[53:44] This guy is such a fucking idiot asshole.

Stuart Wellington

[53:47] Like, this is clearly the point where Rosario Dawson would go to him and say, look, dude, your

[53:53] ex-wife is fucking with me.

[53:56] Deal with it.

[53:57] She threw herself down the stairs.

Elliott Kalan

[53:58] He knows his ex-wife is crazy.

[54:01] He doesn't like it.

[54:02] Like, he knows that.

Stuart Wellington

[54:03] That's the thing.

[54:04] Does he?

[54:05] Like, he's such an oblivious fucking moron that, like.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] He is like, I don't want to get political again.

[54:11] But this guy is like the movie embodiment of white male privilege where he just kind of

[54:16] hovers through life and does whatever he wants.

[54:20] Never.

[54:20] The fact that he has a daughter and his fiance comes in from San Francisco and he immediately

[54:26] is like, take care of my kid.

[54:28] I got to go do some shit.

[54:29] Like, that's crazy.

[54:31] He's like, he never does anything.

Stuart Wellington

[54:33] Yeah.

[54:33] Like, does he just assume he's like, yeah, you know, my ex-wife.

[54:37] Uh, yeah, she's high.

[54:38] She's got high standards or something.

[54:40] Like, what?

[54:41] She's clearly like, he dated her since college, right?

[54:45] They don't look that young.

[54:47] So he's been with her.

[54:48] He's known her a long time.

[54:50] I don't think they ever spent that much time together though.

Elliott Kalan

[54:53] Yes.

[54:54] It's one of those, one of those couples where they were always kind of like doing different

[54:56] things and they just kind of came together to have joyless bathroom sex at investor dinners.

[55:01] Another one.

[55:02] And they had a daughter once and they were like, oh, he's like, now this is your job.

[55:06] You take care of her.

[55:07] I'm going to go drink beer for a living and never shave.

[55:10] Anyway, got to go for that mountain hiking trip with my buds.

[55:14] See ya.

[55:15] Hey.

[55:16] Oh, wow.

[55:16] Honey, can you, can you take care of making all the food and doing all the shopping?

[55:20] And buying the clothes for her?

[55:22] Because I'm spending a lot of time pricing out camping gear.

[55:26] I mean, I like, I really need to get the best sleeping bag.

[55:29] Wow.

[55:29] This feels like it's, it's coming from a really real place inside.

[55:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:34] It's a heretofore untapped well of bitterness on Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[55:39] Elliot, you can go camping if you want.

[55:42] Yeah, it's fine.

[55:43] It's okay.

[55:43] It doesn't make you, it doesn't make you a bad dad, dude.

[55:45] You can go on a camping trip if you want.

[55:46] No, I can't do it.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] I can't do it because it would make me a bad dad.

[55:49] No, but he's, he seems like the kind of guy who spends a lot of his time talking to his

[55:53] friends about expensive things to buy.

[55:55] Yeah.

[55:56] Either watches or suits or, or like sporting gear or like he's really into, or he's really

[56:03] into sports, but he like, he likes to talk about the equipment more than anything else.

[56:08] Yeah.

[56:09] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[56:10] Yeah.

[56:10] It's the, it's, he's, he's like a lifestyle brand type guy.

Elliott Kalan

[56:14] He is like a walking lifestyle brand.

[56:17] He's you, he like walked right out of a bonobo suit catalog, like a, or like a GQ, one of

[56:24] those pages where it's like, what's the best type of fountain pen to buy?

[56:28] Something like that.

[56:29] Yeah.

[56:30] You know, he watches Mad Men and he's like, oh, if only those were the days.

[56:34] Right.

[56:35] And totally doesn't get what the show is about.

[56:37] Yeah.

[56:37] I like to think of myself as a real Don Draper.

[56:40] What an asshole.

[56:41] Anyway.

[56:41] So he doesn't believe Rosario Dawson.

[56:42] And it's this, at this point that her voice gets more and more gravelly as the movie goes

[56:46] on and she gets sadder.

[56:48] Yep.

[56:48] And it's like, you can track where her psyche is by how grab, by how much vocal fry she's

[56:52] emitting.

Stuart Wellington

[56:53] And, uh, this is where she brings in a little bit of reinforcements.

[56:56] Uh, her friend comes down from San Francisco and, uh, they do a little bit of, uh, internet

[57:02] hacking.

[57:03] Right.

[57:04] That's right.

[57:05] They start hacking the mainframe.

Elliott Kalan

[57:07] Yeah.

[57:07] They ride the Nexus into the, uh, Hyperloop.

Stuart Wellington

[57:10] Yep.

[57:11] And so she, uh, she, they find, of course, Catherine Heigl's got a couple skeletons in her closet

[57:18] that she has.

[57:20] What?

[57:20] What's a skeleton?

[57:21] A skeleton of a house.

Elliott Kalan

[57:22] Oh yeah.

[57:22] She burned down.

[57:23] She found out her dad was being unfaithful to her mom and she burned down her dad's house,

[57:27] but she was a minor.

[57:28] So the records were sealed.

[57:29] Yeah.

[57:29] We got sealed minor records.

Stuart Wellington

[57:31] I feel like sealed records of a minor is now like all purpose thriller.

[57:37] Go to like, uh, plot device.

Elliott Kalan

[57:40] Well, it's so easy to look up somebody's background online now.

[57:43] Like it used to be that you could have a whole thriller and then at the end it turns out,

[57:47] oh, she spent time in an insane asylum.

[57:50] I never knew that.

[57:51] But now you just find that stuff really easily.

[57:53] So it's gotta be sealed records.

Stuart Wellington

[57:54] And while I found this movie's handling of something like this a little bit insensitive.

Elliott Kalan

[57:59] Or seal records.

[57:59] Yeah.

[58:00] Or seal records.

[58:00] Like Kissed by a Rose.

[58:01] Anyway, Dan.

[58:02] I'm glad you made that joke.

Stuart Wellington

[58:05] And I don't know what the name of the record is.

[58:07] Kissed by a Rose.

[58:08] I think that's just the song.

[58:09] Um, the, uh, the, but I feel like, I feel like this movie is a little bit insensitive

[58:16] with dealing with, uh, a minor who is clearly the product of a bad situation and using that

[58:26] as incriminating evidence against her.

[58:28] Whereas on a show like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I still find, uh, I still like the way that

[58:33] movie, that show handles it.

[58:35] Which is, has some eerily similar plot elements to Unforgettable.

Elliott Kalan

[58:40] Well, I mean, they're, they're, the tone is different and the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the,

[58:43] is the protagonist of that show, even though she's a sociopath.

[58:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:48] And is, and is performed by the, uh, very charming, uh, Rachel Bloom.

[58:53] And those songs, how many new songs do they have?

[58:56] Every episode.

[58:56] It's amazing.

[58:57] Yeah.

[58:58] This, this movie, no songs.

[59:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:01] Stuart Wellington gives this movie one star in his review.

[59:05] He says, his review is two words.

[59:07] No songs.

Elliott Kalan

[59:09] It's no Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, says Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[59:12] He gave the movie Xanadu five stars.

[59:15] He said, lots of songs.

Stuart Wellington

[59:18] Yeah.

[59:18] I'm basically writing, I'm writing movie reviews just so that Amazon movie reviews will retweet

[59:24] me.

Elliott Kalan

[59:25] Uh, now you want, you wonder, you're like how she should talk to her, to David, her fiancee

[59:32] about what she's just learned.

[59:34] Clearly.

[59:34] He's on a business trip.

[59:35] He'll deal with this Catherine Heigl situation later.

[59:38] Uh, honey, I know you're being gas lit right now by my ex-wife.

[59:42] I got to go on this business trip.

[59:43] So I'll see you later.

[59:45] But then Rosario Dawson comes home one day from somewhere.

[59:48] And who does she discover in her house?

[59:51] Her ex-boyfriend.

[59:52] Bum, bum, bum.

[59:54] They have a confrontation.

[59:56] She escapes by stabbing him in the leg.

Stuart Wellington

[59:58] She runs out.

[59:59] And we know at this point that this guy's going to die.

[1:00:02] Like this was in the opening of the movie.

[1:00:04] Yeah.

[1:00:05] If we remember the opening of the movie.

[1:00:07] I thought it was, I thought it was unforgettable.

[1:00:09] Um, so I was a little nervous when this character showed up.

[1:00:13] Cause I was a little nervous that this abusive boyfriend was going to show up and just get

[1:00:18] accidentally killed by Rosario Dawson.

[1:00:21] Like she had been so gas lit that she just killed him upon seeing him.

[1:00:24] Yeah.

[1:00:25] But luckily he's given a chance to be, cause I would have sent a fucked up message that

[1:00:28] this abuser doesn't deserve, uh, you know, whatever happens to him kind of.

[1:00:34] But luckily he is a fucking total asshole before he dies.

[1:00:39] So I don't know.

[1:00:41] I was just a little, I was just a little nervous that the movie was going to try and say something

[1:00:44] like, you know who the real monster is?

[1:00:46] Not this abusive boyfriend, but Catherine Heigl.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:49] Right.

[1:00:49] It was going to be a real witch hunt for abusive boyfriends, but no, he slams her into a wall

[1:00:54] and is a real, real jackass.

[1:00:57] Let's just say that.

[1:00:58] And, uh, she said, I think that's kind of a weak term.

[1:01:03] Let's call him a really brave.

[1:01:06] He's being, what is he?

[1:01:08] Let's just say he's a real, uh, he's a real piece of work.

[1:01:10] Yeah.

[1:01:11] What is he going to go camping?

[1:01:13] Uh, she runs out and Catherine Heigl walks in and is like, she's in full supervillain

[1:01:19] mode.

[1:01:19] She's like, Oh, you ruined it.

[1:01:22] You screwed up and stabs him to death through the chest.

[1:01:25] Uh huh.

[1:01:25] Thus killing him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:27] Thank you.

[1:01:28] Yeah.

[1:01:28] She basically like hits the off switch on him.

[1:01:31] Like as soon as that knife goes in, he's done.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:33] So, uh, and so she, the police pick up Rosario Dawson because as a new person in town who is not

[1:01:42] fully white, she's the first suspect has to be.

[1:01:45] Uh, it's all the evidence is circumstantial.

[1:01:47] So they can't hold her, but they clearly think that she did it.

[1:01:50] Meanwhile, Catherine Heigl brushes her hair and puts her ring back on like an evil robot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:57] And her fiance shows up to the police station.

[1:02:01] The police give them, uh, give him all this, the like messages that Catherine Heigl had been

[1:02:07] sending this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:09] And it makes, it makes it look like Rosario Dawson was grifting him and was going to steal

[1:02:12] his money and then go back to her ex-boyfriend.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:14] Uh huh.

[1:02:15] The guy, of course, being an asshole, totally believes it.

[1:02:19] And I'm like, he is so gullible.

[1:02:22] He believes it.

[1:02:23] He goes back to Catherine Heigl's house where Catherine Heigl is burning the evidence and

[1:02:29] wearing the wedding ring.

[1:02:31] He literally walks in on this and he's like, wait, I figured it out.

[1:02:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:38] It's not like, yeah, like Catherine Heigl herself is the evidence.

[1:02:41] He's such a dumb ass.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:43] Like, I hate this guy so much that he figures everything out by walking in on it.

[1:02:49] Yeah.

[1:02:49] Good work.

[1:02:50] Good work.

[1:02:50] Quarrow.

[1:02:51] Like, that's the only way that he's going to believe that Rosario Dawson isn't a bad

[1:02:56] guy is by walking in on the evidence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:59] I, it's, I'm surprised they just didn't have him walking on in on her stabbing the, the

[1:03:03] ex-boyfriend and then was like, babe, what's going on?

[1:03:06] Huh?

[1:03:06] What's happening?

[1:03:07] This guy, uh, giving you trouble?

[1:03:08] Like, and she would have to be like, I'm a, I'm an evil person framing your fiance for

[1:03:15] murder.

[1:03:15] I killed this man.

[1:03:16] He'd be like, but what's going on, babe?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:18] He's like, he's like moms, you know, moms get worked up.

[1:03:22] That's all I'm saying.

[1:03:23] Moms care about their kids.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:25] Is this like a period thing?

[1:03:26] Is that what's going on?

[1:03:27] Cause I don't need to know about that.

[1:03:30] Wow.

[1:03:31] That's the kind of stuff they say.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:32] Wow.

[1:03:32] Elliot, Elliot, Elliot's, Elliot's impression of this jerk really got under Dan's skin.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:37] I just like, like even, even putting that in like the voice of another person, like

[1:03:42] disturbed me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:45] That's the thing about, uh, real art, Dan is sometimes that, uh, sometimes it sounds

[1:03:50] like Elliot's really cool.

[1:03:51] I don't know.

[1:03:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:52] Let's move on.

[1:03:53] Art's not just about reconfirming the things you already love, Dan.

[1:03:56] Art's about challenging you and shaking up the world.

[1:03:59] Yeah.

[1:04:00] So anyway, he walks in on her, uh, and Catherine Heigl's like, Rosario Dawson is stealing

[1:04:05] my life.

[1:04:06] And David's like, I'm out of here.

[1:04:08] And so Catherine Heigl, what can she do?

[1:04:09] She hits him in the head with a fire poker.

[1:04:11] Yeah.

[1:04:11] And knocks him out.

[1:04:12] Like, and fucks him up.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:14] Yeah.

[1:04:14] He is seriously injured.

[1:04:16] Like for a while, I'm worried that this guy's dead.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:18] Like I was like, she could have caved his skull in.

[1:04:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:22] Yeah.

[1:04:22] Cause blood's coming out of every part of that head.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:25] Yeah.

[1:04:26] Even this, the hair follicles, blood's just seeping out of.

[1:04:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:30] Like he's got scurvy or whatever.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:33] His eyeballs are bleeding.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:35] What if it was, what if it was the case that she actually missed him, but he had scurvy and

[1:04:38] it was at that point that he passed out.

[1:04:41] It's possible.

[1:04:42] I mean,

[1:04:43] All we know about him is that he drinks beer all day.

[1:04:44] I don't know what kind of vitamin C he's getting out of that beer.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:47] I mean, I think, I feel like he could probably survive off beer for a while.

[1:04:51] Maybe he's drinking, you know, like a wheat beer.

[1:04:54] So they're putting orange slices in there and he's getting some vitamin C.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:58] Yeah.

[1:04:58] Or maybe he's drinking, or maybe he's drinking Guinness back when they still used fish bladders

[1:05:03] before it was vegan.

[1:05:06] Fish bladders?

[1:05:07] Yeah.

[1:05:07] They use like fish bladders for some shit for a while.

[1:05:09] I'm not, I'm not making this up.

[1:05:11] You can't make this stuff up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:13] Yeah.

[1:05:13] Truth is stranger than fiction, Dan.

[1:05:15] Literally.

[1:05:16] Were they strained the beer through fish bladders?

[1:05:18] Like what was the.

[1:05:18] One.

[1:05:19] Yeah.

[1:05:19] I think they would like.

[1:05:20] Name one fiction that's stranger than truth.

[1:05:21] Name one.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:22] Uh, stranger than fiction.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:24] Okay.

[1:05:25] Good point.

[1:05:26] Okay.

[1:05:26] Hoisted me on my petard on that one.

[1:05:29] Well, that was so obvious, LA.

[1:05:31] Like it's, it makes sense that you would overlook it.

[1:05:33] I didn't think he was going to.

[1:05:34] Yeah.

[1:05:34] It was like the purloined letter just hiding in plain sight.

[1:05:37] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:37] So Rosario Dawson sneaks in splinter cell style and, uh, she avoids, she avoids the patrolling

[1:05:43] enemy of Catherine Heigl.

[1:05:45] Uh, she finds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:47] She gets the daughter, Lily, and puts her in the car.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:49] Which I kind of like.

[1:05:50] I like that her first, her first instinct is I got to get the little kid out of here because

[1:05:55] shit's going to go down.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:57] Yeah.

[1:05:57] And also because worst case scenario, she has a great daughter instead of a crappy husband.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:03] Yeah.

[1:06:04] And I mean.

[1:06:05] Things don't work out.

[1:06:05] At this point, she's like, I don't want this little girl to see me beat the shit out of

[1:06:08] her mom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:09] Yeah.

[1:06:10] Yeah.

[1:06:11] Yeah.

[1:06:11] Woo.

[1:06:12] Yeah.

[1:06:12] World star.

[1:06:13] All that stuff.

[1:06:14] Uh, so anyway.

[1:06:15] He knows world star, but not dapping.

[1:06:17] That's pretty surprising.

[1:06:20] Anyway.

[1:06:20] Uh, Rosario Dawson.

[1:06:22] So meanwhile, Catherine Heigl makes some tea and then tapes up David's mouth and hands.

[1:06:27] Uh, and Rosario Dawson's trying to call 911 and Catherine Heigl's like, nope.

[1:06:32] And rips the phone out of the wall and then hits Rosario Dawson with the fire poker.

[1:06:35] And she gives a speech about how you're worthless.

[1:06:37] You're worthless.

[1:06:38] You're trying to steal my life.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:39] And at this point, the whole time she's holding her up against the wall with this fire poker.

[1:06:43] And I'm like, you know, that's not a sword, right?

[1:06:47] You could just grab it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:48] You should just push it.

[1:06:50] It's not sharp.

[1:06:50] Just.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:51] If you grab onto it, it's fine.

[1:06:54] Like, then she won't be able to swing it at you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:57] Well, but at this point, Rosario Dawson's been broken down to the most basic fundamental

[1:07:01] elements of her personality.

[1:07:02] She's shattered and she's hitting rock bottom.

[1:07:05] And it's that rock bottom that she's able to push off of.

[1:07:07] Yeah.

[1:07:08] She gets her berserker strength and goes, I want my life, not yours.

[1:07:12] Pushes her away.

[1:07:13] They're grappling.

[1:07:14] They're shoving each other.

[1:07:15] They break a lot of nice stuff.

[1:07:16] They're knocking vases over.

[1:07:18] It's just like that bathroom sex scene, except now it's fighting.

[1:07:20] But they actually seem to enjoy it a lot more than they did in the bathroom sex scene.

[1:07:24] And they're like choking each other.

[1:07:26] They're scratching each other.

[1:07:27] They're smashing Catherine Heigl's head into a glass frame.

[1:07:30] Yeah.

[1:07:30] That was wild.

[1:07:31] Yeah.

[1:07:32] Like, this is not even a cat fight.

[1:07:34] This is like a saber-toothed tiger fight.

[1:07:36] Like, it's crazy.

[1:07:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:37] I bet it's fun for the actresses to do that.

[1:07:42] I bet that that's a fun scene to do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:43] What, to do like physical stuff like that?

[1:07:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:45] Like an all-out drag-out fight like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:48] I mean, I would imagine it's fun to, yeah.

[1:07:50] I don't know.

[1:07:51] Like, are you talking like how military guys talk about that?

[1:07:55] Like, you know, they might not like the act of violence, but like they're trained for it.

[1:08:00] So they might as well, like, the act of being able to use what they're trained for is really rewarding.

[1:08:04] That's what I'm saying.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:04] Catherine Heigl is trained for this kind of violence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:07] Well, I mean, I'm sure she took, like, stage combat.

[1:08:12] She was personally taught by Gremlin Battler.

[1:08:14] Yeah.

[1:08:15] On the set of The Ugly Truth.

[1:08:16] He was like, listen, hopefully you'll never have to use these skills to battle a gremlin or Rosario Dawson.

[1:08:23] I'm going to teach them to you.

[1:08:24] And while she was shooting this movie, it was like, oh, my training is coming.

[1:08:27] It was just like in Karate Kid.

[1:08:29] She's like, Gerard Butler, why do I have to wax your car?

[1:08:33] You're going to learn from it.

[1:08:34] Trust me.

[1:08:34] And then while she's fighting Rosario Dawson, she's like, oh, I'm using my waxing hand motions to fight her off in this stage combat.

[1:08:40] This is amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:42] Yeah.

[1:08:42] She's like, Gremlin Battler, why are you always making me make fires in your fireplace with this fireplace poker?

[1:08:48] He's like, you'll see.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:52] Eventually, Rosario Dawson manages to knock Katherine Heigl out.

[1:08:56] And she moves to another room.

[1:08:58] And they have the most incredibly lazy villain returns from seeming destruction vanquishment, where Katherine Heigl just walks back into the room very casually.

[1:09:09] Yeah.

[1:09:09] It's like the moment in every horror movie where you thought they defeated the bad guy, but then the bad guy comes back.

[1:09:15] Here, it's literally like Katherine Heigl walks into the room as if to be like, is the movie over yet?

[1:09:20] Are we done?

[1:09:20] Oh, I mean, oh, I'm a bad guy now.

[1:09:23] It just is very lazy.

[1:09:25] But then Katherine Heigl sees herself in a mirror with scratches on her face.

[1:09:28] Her perfect face has been ruined.

[1:09:31] She's not perfect like mommy anymore.

[1:09:34] Yeah, exactly.

[1:09:35] And she looks in the reflection and says, why do you always ruin everything?

[1:09:39] And she's got a knife in her hand.

[1:09:40] Now she's reached rock bottom.

[1:09:41] She's looking at herself in the mirror, and you know what?

[1:09:43] She doesn't like what she sees.

[1:09:45] Rosario Dawson is holding a knife that she's taken from Katherine Heigl.

[1:09:48] And Katherine Heigl, like a Greek tragic hero of old or a samurai having failed her master, which in this case is her perfect mommy, walks onto the knife, impaling herself.

[1:09:59] And committing vilicide.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:01] And she says, don't let my daughter remember me like this or something, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:05] Yeah.

[1:10:05] She's like, don't tell my daughter that I did this or something.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:08] She's like, at last the nightmare is over.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:11] Which is like...

[1:10:12] I wish she had been gone.

[1:10:14] She had impaled herself and been like, free, at last.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:17] And then died.

[1:10:17] Yeah, the curse dies with me.

[1:10:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:20] I'm not sure how they're going to keep this from the daughter.

[1:10:23] I mean, the fact that she's dead of a knife wound from...

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:28] Oh, no.

[1:10:28] They're going to pull a weekend at Bernie's, and it's just...

[1:10:30] Mommy stopped by.

[1:10:32] Yeah.

[1:10:32] Just marionetting her dead body around.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:34] But this is also the point of the movie where I'm just like...

[1:10:37] I was actually getting legitimately worried about what was happening in the movie.

[1:10:41] Because, like, Katherine Heigl walked onto a knife that Rosario Dawson was holding.

[1:10:46] And the police already think that Rosario Dawson is a bad guy.

[1:10:51] So, I was like...

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:51] And we don't know what that guy's brain is going to be like.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:55] I was like, you better pray that that guy does not die.

[1:10:58] Because he is the only witness that could corroborate your version of events at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:03] To be honest, if that's the way the movie ended, here's the better ending of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:07] Where the police show up.

[1:11:09] Better ending story.

[1:11:10] They see that.

[1:11:11] What?

[1:11:12] It said better ending story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:14] Yeah, just like the hit film, The Better Ending Story.

[1:11:17] Where a kid reads a novel and he's like, this novel didn't end very well.

[1:11:20] Let's put a luck dragon in there.

[1:11:23] Yeah, let's have the rock biter drive his fucking big wheel through.

[1:11:26] You're a superstar.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:28] Yeah.

[1:11:29] I like it.

[1:11:30] I'm glad that your better ending is Roseanne.

[1:11:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] The what?

[1:11:36] Your better ending is Roseanne, is what I said.

[1:11:39] Curse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:40] Curse this technology that we're using.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:44] So the way it ends is cut to after the wedding.

[1:11:48] They live in San Francisco now.

[1:11:50] Everybody's happy.

[1:11:51] Whitney Cummings brings in donuts.

[1:11:53] And then Katherine Heigl's mom shows up.

[1:11:55] Uh-oh.

[1:11:56] And she brought a gift basket, too.

[1:11:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:58] And she fucking turns to the camera and her fucking eyes turn into cat's eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] She turns into, uh, what's her name from Pee-wee's Big Adventure?

[1:12:09] What's the trucker lady's name?

[1:12:11] Large Marge.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:12] Large Marge.

[1:12:12] How do you not?

[1:12:13] That's like the easiest.

[1:12:14] What?

[1:12:15] Large Marge is the easiest name to remember.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:20] I was, I wanted to say Big Bertha, but I knew that wasn't it.

[1:12:23] Here's the ending the way it should have ended.

[1:12:25] The police show up.

[1:12:27] They see Rosario Dawson's fingerprints on this knife.

[1:12:30] Rosario Dawson, they think, already killed her ex-boyfriend.

[1:12:32] Rosario Dawson's fingerprints on the fire poker because she was struggling with it.

[1:12:36] She knows, and they're like, clearly, Katherine Heigl discovered what you wanted, what you were

[1:12:41] trying to do in destroying this family, and you killed everybody.

[1:12:44] No, it wasn't me.

[1:12:45] It wasn't me.

[1:12:45] And she shows up, and, uh, they take her away, and then the grandma comes, comes by, takes

[1:12:51] the girl and says, like, well, I'm going to raise you right from now on.

[1:12:54] Cut to the sequel, Unforgettable 2, where the grandma's the bad guy.

[1:12:59] But no, they didn't do that.

[1:13:01] Instead, they still have a grandma coming by, I guess setting it up for the sequel, Unforgettable

[1:13:05] 2, Granny's in town.

[1:13:07] But it's, but everybody's living the life great in San Francisco.

[1:13:10] So I don't know.

[1:13:12] Everywhere you look, there's a smile.

[1:13:14] That's San Francisco.

[1:13:15] Uh, all right.

[1:13:16] But it's so funny.

[1:13:17] It's, like, the movie is, like, it's so funny how, uh, the movie was just like, everything's

[1:13:24] okay, right?

[1:13:25] No, it's not.

[1:13:26] And you as the viewer are like, I know it's not okay.

[1:13:28] Because if it was, the movie would be over.

[1:13:30] It's just like at the end of Casino Royale, where, uh, Daniel Craig and his girlfriend

[1:13:34] are just jet-setting around, and you're like, I know it's going to turn out there's a

[1:13:38] problem.

[1:13:38] Because otherwise, the movie would be over.

[1:13:41] You wouldn't be spending five to ten minutes showing me them having a great time.

[1:13:45] That's not what movies do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:47] Yeah, it's like at the end of Red Dead Redemption, where you're like, I guess, I guess I'm just

[1:13:51] going to go hang out with my family now that I beat all the bad guys.

[1:13:55] Spoiler alert.

[1:13:56] I mean, it's an old game, but man, you're like, I guess, I guess I'll just teach my

[1:14:00] son how to go hunting.

[1:14:02] Nothing bad could ever happen.

[1:14:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:05] All right.

[1:14:05] We've gone way, way, way long on this.

[1:14:07] Uh, so let's quickly do five.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:09] It turns out we didn't, we didn't forget that much.

[1:14:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:12] Let's do final judgments, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie

[1:14:16] we kind of liked.

[1:14:17] Stuart, what do you think?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:18] Uh, I don't think this is necessarily a good, bad movie because it's not inept and I don't

[1:14:23] think there's a lot to like laugh at.

[1:14:25] I also don't necessarily like, I guess it's closer to a bad, bad movie than to a movie I

[1:14:30] kind of liked, but I thought it was all right.

[1:14:33] Like it, it was better than I expected it to be.

[1:14:37] Uh, if that's anything.

[1:14:38] Yeah.

[1:14:39] Like in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't the worst one of these we've watched.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:43] I'm going to qualify.

[1:14:45] I'm going to qualify it as good, bad.

[1:14:48] It's not quite right.

[1:14:49] It's not like laughably bad.

[1:14:51] Like you're going to have fun, you know, drinking beers and making fun of it with pals or something

[1:14:55] like that.

[1:14:56] But it's like one of those lifetime network movies, like, but a big budget, uh, you know,

[1:15:04] big stars version of that.

[1:15:06] And there's something strangely compelling about that shit.

[1:15:08] You know, like the campiness is kind of fun.

[1:15:10] So I actually kind of enjoyed watching it.

[1:15:13] Uh, yeah, the more it leans into like the campiness is the best.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:17] Yeah.

[1:15:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:19] Yeah.

[1:15:19] I would also call it a qualified good, bad movie.

[1:15:22] Like, like you're saying, it moves a little too slowly to be like a pop it in and, and

[1:15:26] rag on it type of thing.

[1:15:28] But it is, it does get crazy and it is super tawdry.

[1:15:33] Uh, so I would, I would call it good, bad movie.

[1:15:41] Oh, sorry about that.

S4

[1:15:44] Just had to dispatch some goons real quick.

[1:15:46] Hi, I'm April Wolf, lead film critic at LA Weekly.

[1:15:49] And when I'm not kicking butt, I'm hosting the new maximum fun podcast, Switchblade Sisters.

[1:15:55] Do you love genre films?

[1:15:56] Do you love female filmmakers?

[1:15:58] Do you love discussions on craft?

[1:16:00] If your answer is yes, you'll love Switchblade Sisters.

[1:16:03] Every episode, I invite one female filmmaker on and we talk in depth about their fave genre

[1:16:07] film and how it influenced their own work.

[1:16:10] So we're talking horror, action, sci-fi, fantasy, bizarro, and exploitation cinema.

[1:16:15] Mothers, lock up your sons because the Switchblade Sisters are coming for you.

[1:16:19] Available at MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

S5

[1:16:25] What's up?

[1:16:26] I'm James, the co-host of Minority Corner.

[1:16:28] And look at that!

[1:16:29] I'm Ineke, the other co-host of Minority Corner.

[1:16:31] Girl, guess what?

[1:16:32] What?

[1:16:32] We just hit our 100th episode!

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:34] What?

[1:16:35] And what do you think is going to be in store for the next 100?

S5

[1:16:37] Probably some more fuge with Jennifer Hudson.

[1:16:40] And I'm telling you, I'm the best.

[1:16:43] We'll probably do more investigative reporting, too, like we did with the Kodak and their racist film.

[1:16:47] Not to mention exposing the truth, like how we did with the ugly history of the Texas Rangers.

[1:16:52] But we always lighten the mood with a splash of pop, Coach.

[1:16:55] Olivia Pope's new wig.

[1:16:57] Have you seen that?

[1:16:57] It's poppin'.

[1:16:58] Just like your lip gloss.

[1:17:00] And Janet Jackson!

[1:17:01] And you know we like to put our nerd glasses on and talk about things like Marvel.

[1:17:06] It's true.

[1:17:07] That's it.

[1:17:09] I don't speak about TC.

[1:17:11] But you just did.

[1:17:12] What?

[1:17:13] All from a perspective that's black, queer.

[1:17:15] And ladylike.

[1:17:16] So come on over and learn, laugh, and play and join the corner.

[1:17:20] It's a lot of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:21] I'm having fun right now.

S5

[1:17:25] Minority Corner.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:26] So we've got multiple sponsors for the podcast.

[1:17:32] Yay!

[1:17:33] Today.

[1:17:33] Keeping the lights on.

[1:17:34] What's that ringing noise that I hear on your end of the...

[1:17:38] Oh, that's just water going through the pipes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:42] Oh, okay.

[1:17:42] I think.

[1:17:44] Did it turn off just then?

[1:17:46] Yeah, it just turned off.

[1:17:47] Yeah, that was water going through the pipes.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:48] Yeah, it sounded like almost like a doorbell or something.

[1:17:51] It was not.

[1:17:53] Well, this is...

[1:17:54] I actually don't have a doorbell.

[1:17:55] Fascinating stuff for the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:57] Mm-hmm.

[1:17:58] But...

[1:17:58] You don't have a doorbell?

[1:17:59] How do people announce their arrival?

[1:18:00] Do you have a herald?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:02] Yes, I have a herald named Harold who stands outside.

[1:18:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:18:07] He says, let me tell everybody.

[1:18:08] Hey!

[1:18:09] Hey, you!

[1:18:10] Hey!

[1:18:11] The food's here!

[1:18:12] Hey!

[1:18:14] And I'm like, oh, okay, thanks.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:16] Speaking of food, Blue Apron.

[1:18:19] Oh, what a pro.

[1:18:21] What a pro.

[1:18:23] Blue Apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country.

[1:18:27] How it works is you get a box full of fresh ingredients sent directly to your home, portioned out perfectly with instructions on how to make, like, three recipes.

[1:18:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:18:40] Go on.

[1:18:41] And you have them for food.

[1:18:43] You eat them for your meals.

[1:18:45] Yeah, so if...

[1:18:45] You have them for food.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:47] Yeah.

[1:18:48] My wife and I...

[1:18:49] I mentioned this before.

[1:18:50] My wife and I make Blue Apron kind of regularly, and, yeah, we dig it.

[1:18:54] It's nice to get a lot of all your ingredients, not having to go to the store and pick out, I don't know, end up buying way more than what you're going to need.

[1:19:06] And I also...

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:06] You don't end up with, like, a whole package of xanthan gum.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:09] You're never going to use it again.

[1:19:10] You're never going to use it again.

[1:19:10] We just do a little bit of it.

[1:19:11] What am I going to do with all this xanthan gum?

[1:19:13] And the...

[1:19:14] I also like that they portion out the meals a little better, because I know when I cook at home, I'm like, oh, there's...

[1:19:20] I'm going to have rice tonight.

[1:19:22] I'm going to have so much rice you'll never...

[1:19:24] I can bury myself in all the rice I'm about to eat.

[1:19:28] But if they have specifically things like starches and stuff, they're a little bit more controlled with.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:35] You guys know.

[1:19:36] You guys know.

[1:19:36] The thing I hate most about cooking is the measuring.

[1:19:39] Yeah.

[1:19:40] I'm glad to have that taken out of my hands.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:42] I find that weird, but I'm glad that Blue Apron can solve that problem for you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:46] When it says, like, put in a pinch of this, and I'm like, my fingers aren't the same size as the person who wrote this, probably.

[1:19:52] My hands are small.

[1:19:52] They're not large like yours, as Jewel said.

[1:19:55] It's like, I need to know how much a pinch is.

[1:19:56] Your hands are small, I know.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:59] But they're not yours.

[1:20:00] They are your own.

[1:20:02] What's that?

[1:20:03] It's a Tori Amos song, I think.

[1:20:05] No, it's Jewel.

[1:20:07] Jewel, that's right.

[1:20:09] Like I just said.

[1:20:10] The same...

[1:20:10] From the same time period of songs.

[1:20:16] Is this a fucking ad for Jewel or Blue Apron?

[1:20:19] It's an ad for Jewel Kilcher.

[1:20:21] New book of poetry.

[1:20:24] It stores now, I assume.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:26] So Blue Apron's great because you don't have to measure anything.

[1:20:28] You just dump it in out of the containers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:30] Yeah.

[1:20:30] And then you get to do that fun thing where you slice open the cold packets and watch all the goop come out.

[1:20:38] Yeah.

[1:20:40] Cold goop.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:42] Well, listen.

[1:20:43] Check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first meal with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash flop house.

[1:20:52] You will love how good it feels and taste to create incredible home cooked meals with blueapron.

[1:20:57] So don't wait.

[1:20:58] That's blueapron.com slash flop house.

[1:21:01] Blue Apron.

[1:21:02] A better way to cook.

[1:21:04] We're also sponsored in part today by Casper.

[1:21:08] A sleep brand that is dedicated to creating an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:21:16] Their mattresses are affordable because Casper sells directly to you, the consumer.

[1:21:23] Casper brand mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep service with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

[1:21:32] And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep on it trial.

[1:21:39] So good.

[1:21:40] Yeah, you're doing really good.

[1:21:42] So if you don't like it, you can return it as long as it's not been 100 nights.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:49] So Dan, give us your Casper testimonial.

[1:21:52] You use a Casper mattress.

[1:21:53] And you said you sleep so well that ghosts can't wake you up, which I guess is why they call it Casper mattress.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:00] I sleep so well that Archie can't wake me up climbing over me as he does constantly during the evenings.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:07] But does it give you, when Archie's climbing all over you, do you have like really weird dreams?

[1:22:12] Yeah.

[1:22:13] Where you're like, I'm covered in spiders or...

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:17] I'm being...

[1:22:18] Did you ever dream a cat was walking on you and when you woke up your pillow was gone?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:23] That's right.

[1:22:24] I woke up and I was married to my pillow.

[1:22:27] It was weird.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:29] It's very weird.

[1:22:30] How would you find a pastor or a priest that would perform that ceremony?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:34] Elliot, you give someone enough money, they'll do anything.

[1:22:37] Hmm.

[1:22:38] Interesting.

[1:22:39] I see the thought balloon forming above Elliot's head.

[1:22:43] Interesting.

[1:22:44] Start sleeping.

[1:22:46] I didn't mean that to be dirty.

[1:22:47] It sounded dirty.

[1:22:48] Yeah, you're gross.

[1:22:49] Start sleeping ahead of the curve with Casper.

[1:22:52] Get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com slash flophouse and using promo code flophouse, all one word, at checkout.

[1:23:02] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:23:04] And real quickly, we also have an ad from ZipRecruiter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:10] Wow.

[1:23:10] So here's what I want everybody to do.

[1:23:12] First, go sign up for Blue Apron, get some food.

[1:23:15] Then, go sit on your Casper mattress to eat it.

[1:23:17] And then get ready to hire some people to ZipRecruiter.

[1:23:20] Dan, tell them all about it.

[1:23:21] Well, look.

[1:23:22] What if hiring could be easier?

[1:23:23] Hiring, I assume, is pretty hard.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:25] Yeah, it's a pain in the ass.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:27] What if it could be easy, Stu?

[1:23:29] What if it could be more streamlined and less time-consuming?

[1:23:32] I love it.

[1:23:32] With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to over 100 job boards with just one click.

[1:23:38] And ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on the right candidates finding you.

[1:23:41] It finds them a turnabout by actively notifying qualified candidates about your job.

[1:23:51] No wonder 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate to the site in just one day.

[1:23:58] And right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free.

[1:24:02] Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Flophouse.

[1:24:05] That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:09] I realize you could live a whole life using just the things that sponsored us today.

[1:24:15] Blue Apron, there's your meals taken care of.

[1:24:17] Casper mattress, there's your bed.

[1:24:20] Maybe your home, if you want to live in a tent made out of a mattress.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:23] Yeah, I mean, you might have that Japanese minimalist lifestyle where everything serves multiple purposes in your home.

[1:24:28] And you only keep those things that give you joy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:31] Yeah, yeah, like Casper's and Blue Aprons.

[1:24:34] Ironically, not a DVD of the movie Joy, which gave no one any joy.

[1:24:38] Throw it away.

[1:24:40] And then ZipRecruiter, it's like, hey, I need a job to afford this fancy Blue Apron Casper mattress lifestyle.

[1:24:46] Maybe I'll hire somebody and then they'll hire me.

[1:24:48] And you go to ZipRecruiter and you do it.

[1:24:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:51] Yeah.

[1:24:52] It's a perfect, what's that we call a perfect triad.

[1:24:59] I guess we call it that now.

[1:25:02] I guess I'm fucking locked in.

[1:25:05] Something witty.

[1:25:06] Just a bunch of words I said with a lot of stumbling at the end that I wish the audience could have seen Stuart's look of disgust when I reached the end of that interminable sentence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:20] Okay, guys, we also have us a hot Jumbotron.

[1:25:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:25] Whoa, steaming Jumbotron right out of the Jumbo.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:27] Yeah, let me get my potholders because this one's coming in super hot.

[1:25:35] Okay, are you ready?

[1:25:37] Okay, let's start.

[1:25:39] Do you...

[1:25:40] Okay, now let's start over.

[1:25:43] Do you like...

[1:25:43] Sorry.

[1:25:44] Okay, I'll start over again.

[1:25:45] Do you like movies, pickle babies, and tiny apple pies?

[1:25:51] How about current events?

[1:25:53] If you like the first three and you're willing to put up with the fourth one, try Decades Podcast.

[1:26:01] We talk about movies from the olden times versus movies from nowadays and drink weird cocktails.

[1:26:08] You like drinks that look back at you?

[1:26:11] We've got them.

[1:26:12] Learn about great and terrible movies you've never heard of like Gabriel over the White House and The Silent Command.

[1:26:24] Listen to the pod and read the blog at decadespodcast.wordpress.com.

[1:26:31] So that's it.

[1:26:32] Listen to Decades Podcast wherever you get your ear candy and read the blog at decadespodcast.wordpress.com.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:40] Now, is ear candy drugs that you take through your ears?

[1:26:43] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:44] It's audio cocaine.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:46] Like, comment, subscribe, and imbibe.

[1:26:50] I like that tagline.

[1:26:52] That's quite a call to action.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:55] Gabriel over the White House is a crazy movie.

[1:26:57] I haven't seen it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:59] I'll have to check out the pod.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:02] I just want to quickly give a shout out to our friend Chuck Bryant.

[1:27:08] Chuck Bryant.

[1:27:09] Of the Stuff You Should Know podcast.

[1:27:10] Stuff You Should Know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:12] Husband of Lane Bryant.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:14] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:15] He's not a Max Fun.

[1:27:17] And grandson of William Jennings Bryan.

[1:27:22] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:23] Anyway, I'll keep talking.

[1:27:25] Not a Max Fun personality, but certainly Max Fun adjacent as he's been in a lot of Max Fun cons,

[1:27:32] doing things like running the trivia with John Hodgman.

[1:27:36] Yeah.

[1:27:36] And he's just a great guy.

[1:27:39] And he just launched a new podcast on November 3rd called Movie Crush, where, as I'll quote him,

[1:27:48] I sit down with awesome people to chat about their all-time favorite movie.

[1:27:53] And he's done shows with people like Tig Notaro, John Hodgman, Kevin Pollack, Ken Jennings, Roman Mars.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:59] Is Kevin Pollack's favorite movie a movie with Kevin Pollack in it?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:03] I have to assume it's Grumpy or Old Man.

[1:28:05] Yeah, it's just, no, his favorite movie is just him doing a Columbo impression.

[1:28:09] It's weird.

[1:28:10] It's not technically a movie, but all out.

[1:28:13] So just check out Movie Crush on behalf of our buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:17] And before we move on, there's two things that we should mention about ourselves.

[1:28:21] Okay.

[1:28:22] The first is...

[1:28:23] Let's toot our own horns.

[1:28:25] Guys, get your horns out for some tootin'.

[1:28:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:28:28] We have got a live show coming up December 9th.

[1:28:31] That's a Saturday in lovely San Francisco, home of Rosario Dawson's character in Unforgettable.

[1:28:37] Oh, near Cervantes Street?

[1:28:39] From Soul Calibur?

[1:28:41] I don't think it's on Cervantes Street.

[1:28:43] It's at the Marines Memorial Theater.

[1:28:46] That's the night of Saturday, December 9th.

[1:28:48] Tickets are still available.

[1:28:49] But for how long?

[1:28:50] It's going to be our last live show of the year.

[1:28:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:54] The last one's scheduled right now, too, for the future.

[1:28:58] We're looking into other ones, but we don't know where or when those will be just yet.

[1:29:03] So get on this one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:05] There's the last chance for the foreseeable future to see us in person, all three peaches together,

[1:29:09] unless one of us hurts our back or our knee or dies in an avalanche or something.

[1:29:13] But then we dedicate the show to them.

[1:29:16] Yeah, yeah.

[1:29:16] Be back.

[1:29:18] And it should be a lot of fun.

[1:29:20] So that's San Francisco, December 9th, 2017.

[1:29:24] It's a Saturday.

[1:29:25] And tickets are available.

[1:29:26] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash event, and it'll take you right to the link for it.

[1:29:33] Another thing you should go to the Flophouse Podcast website, if you go to flophousepodcast.com slash comics,

[1:29:38] is our current round of comics.

[1:29:41] They're based on the theme of love, and every proceed that goes to it, all the profits from it,

[1:29:49] go to Hurricane Relief for Puerto Rico.

[1:29:52] It's crazy that it's been so long, and they're still struggling with the aftermath of the hurricane.

[1:29:57] And buy these comics, and that money will go to them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:00] Yeah, we're talking about American citizens here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:03] Yeah, American citizens who are living an unthinkable calamity right now.

[1:30:12] And you get something out of it.

[1:30:14] You get great comics by Dan, me, and soon, stewards will be available.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:17] Yeah, I think mine's coming out soon.

[1:30:19] I've been getting previews of the art, and it looks super awesome.

[1:30:23] I can't wait to see it all finished.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:25] I know Dan's really proud of his story.

[1:30:27] I'm extremely proud of my story.

[1:30:29] These comics are coming out real great.

[1:30:30] If you haven't read them, go read them and know that you're helping your fellow Americans.

[1:30:34] Or if you're listening to this and you're not an American, that you're helping an American.

[1:30:38] And we need all the help we can get right now.

[1:30:41] So that's flophousepodcast.com slash comics.

[1:30:45] And if you don't live in San Francisco, you should probably just buy plane tickets and go there for our live show.

[1:30:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:51] I mean, it's not unheard of.

[1:30:53] It's happened before.

[1:30:54] Sorry, I just got a concerning text message that just says,

[1:30:58] So much cat puke.

[1:31:00] Oh, no.

[1:31:01] Time to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:06] Picks?

[1:31:07] Question mark?

[1:31:08] Okay.

[1:31:09] That does sound more like the kind of mystery that Encyclopedia Brown would be dealing with.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:13] Sure.

[1:31:14] Bugs mean he's trying to sell cat puke to people and passing it off as Dan's chili.

[1:31:19] And he has some facts about something that happened in the 19th century that proves Bugs mean he's wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:33] So, Dan, what do we do next?

[1:31:35] Now it's time to answer a few letters from listeners.

[1:31:39] And the first letter is from Kyle, last name withheld.

[1:31:43] Katarn.

[1:31:44] Who writes...

[1:31:45] Yep.

[1:31:45] Star Wars character Kyle Katarn.

[1:31:47] I was delighted to hear Stuart mention the 1990 classic Ski Patrol on a recent episode.

[1:31:54] I probably watched that movie a hundred times when I was a kid, but I hadn't seen it in so long I assumed I had made it up.

[1:32:00] I looked it up on IMDb just for shits and grins and discovered that the character of Stanley, the awkward but lovable weirdo of the group, was played by fucking Paul Feig.

[1:32:11] Is this common knowledge that I just acquired, or did I just blow your goddamn minds?

[1:32:17] My question is this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:19] If only factoids about Ski Patrol could still blow my mind.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:26] Have you ever discovered someone from a favorite movie in an unexpected place?

[1:32:30] Or have you ever realized someone from the current zeitgeist was in a childhood favorite, but you had no idea?

[1:32:37] Thanks for the hours of entertainment.

[1:32:38] Keep up the great work.

[1:32:39] Kyle, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:44] Yeah.

[1:32:44] I think the closest I can think of to that, it's not like a favorite that was...

[1:32:49] Neither of these are favorites of mine.

[1:32:51] But in the movie Mac and Me, there's a scene with a dance number inside of a McDonald's.

[1:32:59] And there's a moment where the camera zooms in on this little girl that is dancing her heart out.

[1:33:04] Like, she's dancing so hard.

[1:33:06] And I always felt bad for that little girl because it was like, she thinks this is the beginning of like a huge career.

[1:33:11] Like, that she's going to be famous off of Mac and Me.

[1:33:14] And I always wanted to be like, oh, that poor girl, she didn't know.

[1:33:17] And then I found out years later, it was TV's Nikki Cox, who's had quite a fine career for herself.

[1:33:22] Yeah.

[1:33:22] So it was like, oh, there was a happy ending to this story.

[1:33:26] I was really happy.

[1:33:27] And that dancing role in Mac and Me did work out for her.

[1:33:30] So I guess anyone who was in Mac and Me dancing and has not had a long TV career, you ruined it.

[1:33:36] So you screwed up somewhere else.

[1:33:37] It wasn't Mac and Me that did it.

[1:33:38] Yeah, you can't blame Mac and Me.

[1:33:40] No, don't blame Mac for this.

[1:33:42] Maybe me.

[1:33:42] I don't know.

[1:33:43] But Mac, certainly not.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:44] I mean, after, you know, after 30 Rock came out, it was fun to rewatch National Lampoon's Vacation and realize that Jane Krakowski's in it.

[1:33:55] She's great.

[1:33:56] I love Jane Krakowski.

[1:33:58] Yeah.

[1:33:59] Who does she play in it?

[1:33:59] She plays, what, Randy Quaid's daughter or something?

[1:34:04] They're like cousins that live out in the country.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:08] Yeah.

[1:34:08] Oh, yeah.

[1:34:09] I didn't realize that was her.

[1:34:10] I haven't seen that movie in a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:12] Why don't you just go rent it from the blockbuster and pop it in and watch it with the family.

[1:34:16] I like it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:17] Maybe I will.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:18] I think Sammy would like it.

[1:34:20] He'd definitely like hearing Holiday Road.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:22] He would probably like that song.

[1:34:24] I don't know that he'd really get the rest of the movie, but he'd be like, where are the Muppets?

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:27] Why are there no Muppets?

[1:34:28] I think he'd probably be like, wow, Christy Brinkley.

[1:34:31] What a babe.

[1:34:32] Look at that car.

[1:34:33] She's driving.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:35] That's a pretty good impression of your son, right?

[1:34:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:39] My son's always talking about babes.

[1:34:41] Yep.

[1:34:42] I don't have any answer to this specific question, but as long as we're talking about Ski Patrol,

[1:34:47] I want to bring up a story about ski school that I can't remember what I've brought up on the podcast before.

[1:34:54] But I was in a play in college.

[1:35:00] You were in Ski School, the musical.

[1:35:02] I was in a play in college with a woman who was Dean Cameron, the star of ski school's sister.

[1:35:09] I don't know why you disqualified that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:11] I think everybody knows that Dean Cameron is the star of ski school.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:14] When I found out that she was his sister, it blew my mind.

[1:35:19] And I'm like, the star of ski school and ski school two and summer school.

[1:35:25] Yep.

[1:35:26] I don't know if he's the star of summer school.

[1:35:28] Chainsaw.

[1:35:29] I would take issue with that.

[1:35:30] Chainsaw is the breakout star of summer school.

[1:35:32] I mean, I don't know.

[1:35:33] The breakout character, but not the star.

[1:35:35] Yeah.

[1:35:36] He's at best the third lead.

[1:35:39] But yeah, I just enjoyed seeing the look of dawning horror as I was able to pull all these

[1:35:49] semi-obscure, kind of exploitation-y films out of my brain and list her brother's credits to her

[1:35:57] and her sort of mentally backing away from me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:00] Yeah, the look in her eyes as she's scanning the room for possible exits.

[1:36:03] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:08] So, moving on.

[1:36:10] This name.

[1:36:11] This name.

[1:36:12] His name.

[1:36:13] The name of the next person is Nathan, last name withheld.

[1:36:18] Nathan Lane.

[1:36:19] Sure.

[1:36:20] And he writes,

[1:36:21] Hello, peaches.

[1:36:23] On the Monster Trucks episode, I heard Elliot make an offhand reference to the Firesign

[1:36:28] Theater.

[1:36:29] My dad introduced me to the further adventures of Nick Danger and probably ruined me for life.

[1:36:36] They're one of my favorite obscure comedy references, which I try and introduce friends to any chance

[1:36:42] I get.

[1:36:44] What are some obscure comedies you've tried to introduce friends and family to?

[1:36:50] And what do you do when they don't laugh at the classic line?

[1:36:52] Open up in there.

[1:36:53] Your door knocker fell off.

[1:36:55] Yours?

[1:36:56] Nathan, last name withheld.

[1:36:58] So, have you tried to introduce people to obscure comedies?

[1:37:01] I usually apologize afterwards.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:04] I've been trying to do it.

[1:37:05] There's a lot of lower tier 30s comedians like Wheeler and Woolsey that I find very funny in the movies.

[1:37:12] And I've kind of given up trying to share those movies with people because it's like, forget it.

[1:37:16] Never mind.

[1:37:17] You're not going to like this so much.

[1:37:20] But Firesign Theater, it's great, but you kind of have to be keyed into the wavelength for them.

[1:37:27] And that's been one that I've tried to introduce people to and they're like, eh, there aren't very many jokes in it.

[1:37:32] I'm like, it's full of jokes.

[1:37:33] What are you talking about?

[1:37:34] Anyway, that wasn't a very interesting answer, but it's the truth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:37] Normally, a response like yours opens them up to comedy at that point where you're like, there's tons of jokes.

[1:37:43] And they're like, oh, you make a good point.

[1:37:45] I should like this more.

[1:37:48] I mean, I know when my wife and I first started dating, I think I definitely tried to introduce her to like this, you know, this was years ago, but to like Graham Linehan comedies like Father Ted and Black Books and I don't know, the IT crowd.

[1:38:06] And this was years ago before Graham Linehan became a problematic like, but Charlene just did not take to it.

[1:38:14] It was far too British for her.

[1:38:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:19] I think I may have related this story on the podcast before.

[1:38:24] It's so hard to remember after so many episodes what I'm boring people by reiterating.

[1:38:29] But this is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:31] Well, I mean, if the question is, are you boring people, then just assume yes.

[1:38:35] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:36] That brings a lot of freedom with it, Elliot.

[1:38:40] There you go.

[1:38:40] I don't have to worry about it anymore.

[1:38:43] Yeah.

[1:38:44] It's not an obscure comedy group by any means, but I remember exposing a female friend to the Marx Brothers.

[1:38:51] And the scenes where Harpo runs after women through the scene don't play quite as well in this modern world.

[1:39:00] Mm-hmm.

[1:39:00] They seem a little more sexual assault-y than they played perhaps at the time.

[1:39:08] And my explanation that Harpo is kind of a sexless imp who wouldn't know what to do with a woman was not taken on value.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:21] Yeah.

[1:39:21] I mean, it's...

[1:39:22] I mean, that sort of thing's weird.

[1:39:24] I mean, because it is...

[1:39:26] I mean, obviously, it was a different time.

[1:39:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:39:29] And it's harder to use the argument of, like, they should know better.

[1:39:32] I mean, they fucking should have known better.

[1:39:33] But it's not like the first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, where they had Joe Latruglio's character being, like, a weird, creepy stalker dude.

[1:39:42] Right.

[1:39:42] And you're like, you guys should definitely know better than this at this point.

[1:39:47] Yeah.

[1:39:49] What are you looking at, Elliot?

[1:39:52] Elliot's scanning his words.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:53] I'm not just speaking up on the movie I'm going to recommend later.

[1:39:55] Oh, okay.

[1:39:55] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:56] And by the way, going back, I did not mean to mention, like, those shows were, what, like, unknown or underappreciated faves.

[1:40:07] They're just, uh, the experience I had was very similar to what the writer described.

[1:40:13] The moment of me looking at the joke, laughing, and looking for recognition and mild annoyance was all I got.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:23] So, last letter is from First Name Withheld, Joseph, Last Name Withheld.

[1:40:30] And he writes...

[1:40:31] What a complicated name.

[1:40:34] He writes, Dear Floppies,

[1:40:36] Firstly, it's always a pleasure to hear all of your voices every time a new episode comes out.

[1:40:41] Whether it be the smooth bass of Stuart, the Midwestern drawl of Dan, and then there's Elliot.

[1:40:47] Who sang Treble.

[1:40:49] Recently...

[1:40:50] Recently, I re-watched Darren Aronofsky's controversial movie, Noah.

[1:40:56] His take on the classic story of the flood divided many people, both religious and non-religious alike, and I was one of them.

[1:41:03] I'm not a religious man myself, but I found the film to be initially tone-deaf with its bizarre sci-fi themes in such a religious tale.

[1:41:12] After re-watching it, however, I found new joy with better understanding of what the movie was about.

[1:41:17] Aronofsky was going for a much bleaker take on the flood, and the more bizarre moments of the film, like the rock monsters and Noah's In the Beginning tale, really make this biblical adaptation stand out.

[1:41:28] My question is, what are some films that made you go from hating it to actually liking it?

[1:41:32] And how did you feel about Aronofsky's Noah, if you saw it, in general?

[1:41:37] As always, keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:41:39] Sincerely, first name withheld, Joseph, last name withheld.

[1:41:44] What a complicated name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:46] Yeah, I don't like it.

[1:41:48] I mean, I think an example of a movie kind of similar was seeing Prometheus in the theaters, because there's a lot of things that I liked about it, but it felt like, I'm like, wait, this is supposed to be a prequel to Alien.

[1:42:02] Why isn't this better at being a prequel to Alien and being really frustrated by it?

[1:42:07] But the more I thought about it, the more, and then seeing it a second time, I totally came around on it and was like, I don't give a shit if it's a prequel to anything.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:16] Yeah, I'm having a hard time with this, because I'm not saying that I'm like, I'm always right, and so my opinions never change.

[1:42:26] But I rarely have an experience like this, and nothing's jumping to mind.

[1:42:32] You're old stick to your guns McCoy, that's what we call you.

[1:42:35] I am old stick to my guns McCoy.

[1:42:37] I mean, it's much more likely that a movie I liked initially, then I re-evaluate it, and I'm like, oh, this isn't so good.

[1:42:44] You're talking about Monster Squad?

[1:42:45] I'm talking about something like Forrest Gump, which the first time I saw it, I was swept up in kind of the emotion of it and how technically proficient it is.

[1:42:54] And then later on, I was like, oh, this is a weirdly conservative movie that really celebrates a go-along, get-along attitude that I'm not sure that I agree with.

[1:43:05] But I mean, more likely, I'll try and watch a movie that I know is going to be good, and I'm just not in the mood for it.

[1:43:13] I remember I tried to watch the movie Repulsion the first time, and I had heard that it was this great horror movie, and I wasn't in the mood at the time for a slow burn, someone becoming crazy over time movie.

[1:43:32] And then I watched it later.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:33] We're talking about the early grindcore band Repulsion, right?

[1:43:37] Yeah, we're talking about the grindcore band Repulsion.

[1:43:38] With their album Horrified, yeah.

[1:43:39] I get it.

[1:43:40] It takes a couple listens, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:43:42] But I mean, that was just a pull of the first movie that I thought of that I tried to watch and wasn't in the mood for, but then later on was like, this is very well made.

[1:43:52] And that happens more often than me, like, reevaluating something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:56] I think it's when a movie is not super obvious with what it's trying to do, it can have that effect on me sometimes.

[1:44:05] Like, or if it's an abrasive character sometimes.

[1:44:08] Like, as much as I love most of Wes Anderson's movies, it took me a long time to get into Rushmore, which I feel like otherwise, in our generation, people loved it so much.

[1:44:18] But I found the main character so abrasive and hateful, and it took me a while to, like, get into liking the movie despite not wanting to spend time with this character.

[1:44:29] But then there's a movie like Young Adult, which I haven't watched again yet, but I'm curious to watch it again, because the first time I watched it, I, like, didn't really know what the movie was until very late in the film, and I'd already kind of decided I don't like this movie.

[1:44:43] But watching it now, knowing what I'm in for, and, like, what the movie's trying to get at, I think I might appreciate it more.

[1:44:49] I don't know.

[1:44:50] I haven't tried yet.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:51] I'm very worried that my saying that Repulsion is a good movie is, like, going to be taken as an endorsement of Roman Polanski or something, by the way.

[1:44:59] Who is obviously a horrible human being.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:02] And monsters can make good things.

[1:45:04] I mean, it's on a very certain level, like, no one can be such a horrifically evil person that Chinatown stops being an amazing movie.

[1:45:17] You just have to be like, this is an amazing movie that was made by a terrible person.

[1:45:20] Yeah.

[1:45:20] Like, a truly terrible person.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:22] Yeah, like, you can agree that you like something and not want to support that person.

[1:45:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:29] Well, I mean, like, that's a debate that people have, and I'm not sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:32] You could say, I like Chinatown, but, you know, if I met Roman Polanski, I'd punch him in the face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:39] Yeah.

[1:45:39] Yeah, yeah, there you go.

[1:45:40] But I'm just amazed that old stick-to-his-guns McCoy is suddenly backing away from an opinion that he proffered very clearly.

[1:45:49] Well.

[1:45:49] Seems like he's not sticking to his guns anymore.

[1:45:52] Yeah.

[1:45:52] Oh, what's this all about?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:53] Sounds like his hands are covered in something slippery, so the guns can't stick to him.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:59] Yeah, they used to be covered in honey, so the guns stuck very well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:02] Yeah, yeah.

[1:46:03] Yeah.

[1:46:04] But lately he's been, you've been, what, working on a car and your hands are covered with grease and oil?

[1:46:08] Yeah.

[1:46:09] The guns just slip right out.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:10] Old slippery guns McCoy, they call me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:13] Oh, cool.

[1:46:13] That's a debate we can have at another time, but how okay is it to like something created by a monster?

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:20] I feel like any debate of pop culture is certainly now, more than ever, that topic comes up a lot.

[1:46:28] And I'm sure we've talked about it before here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:31] Oh, yeah.

[1:46:32] It's like we're living through this time when it feels like we're living through bad times because we're learning all these bad things.

[1:46:40] And I think it's part of remembering that we're not, this stuff didn't just happen.

[1:46:46] It's not like things were great and then it turned bad.

[1:46:49] Like this, the bad stuff has always been around and now we can see it.

[1:46:52] And that's a better world to live in where this stuff is not hidden anymore.

[1:46:56] I've been thinking a lot about how like it's not that we're living through this crappy time.

[1:47:00] It's that people are kicking over the rocks and we can see all the ants and the rot that was always there.

[1:47:05] And that means you can go about trying to fix it and doing something about it.

[1:47:08] And that's a better thing.

[1:47:09] Yeah.

[1:47:10] You can also say.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:11] Diagnose the problem.

[1:47:12] You can also say, I like Roman Polanski's older movies.

[1:47:17] I don't want him to ever be able to make another movie again because he's in jail, which I think is another suitable attitude to have.

[1:47:24] Sure.

[1:47:24] Yeah.

[1:47:25] That's another option.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:27] Okay.

[1:47:28] Well, let's move on from serious matters to recommendations of movies that you might want to watch before you watch Unforgettable.

[1:47:36] There's a finite amount of time in human life.

[1:47:39] Maybe you've got to make some hard choices.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:41] The grains in the hourglass just slip away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:47] Wait, wait, wait.

[1:47:48] No, let's just sit for a moment and let a few of those grains slip by.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:51] Yeah, Dan.

[1:47:52] Okay.

[1:47:52] I thought you had one in the fucking chamber when you started this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:55] Oh, yeah.

[1:47:55] I was just wondering.

[1:47:57] You said, Dan went, let's recommend some movies and then just stopped.

[1:48:01] I was like, okay.

[1:48:03] He's like, so what are you guys thinking?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:04] I was going to jump in with a movie recommendation.

[1:48:06] I can certainly go first.

[1:48:07] Yeah, do it.

[1:48:08] So I watched recently.

[1:48:10] I rewatched a movie that I had enjoyed very much in the past but forgotten most of the details of.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:21] It's called Unforgettable.

[1:48:23] Before you get to the film.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:25] I watched the shot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:26] Dan, is this like, Dan, what you're doing right now, you're the kid who's like, I can't play this video game until I sit down and read the instruction manual all the way through.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:33] Yeah, which I used to do in the bathroom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:36] I got to know the names of all the bad guys before I start fighting them.

[1:48:39] Just tell us about the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:41] I need to know the history of Waluigi before I can battle against it.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:45] I need to know the powers of Karubo's shoe.

[1:48:48] I don't even know what that is.

[1:48:50] So I watched The Shop Around the Corner, which is a great Ernst Lubisch movie.

[1:48:59] It's what You've Got in Mail was very loosely based on.

[1:49:03] And also the stage musical She Loves Me is based on that.

[1:49:08] I wasn't even aware that there was such a musical.

[1:49:12] No, it's a good musical.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:13] Guys, I can confirm that was a lot of cat puke.

[1:49:16] Okay, you got a photo?

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:18] Oh, you've gotten photographic evidence?

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:20] I'll just put those up on the wiki.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:22] It has.

[1:49:23] So, Elliot, are they in Budapest?

[1:49:27] Is that where it's set?

[1:49:28] Where's the...

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:29] Yes, I believe so.

[1:49:30] I think it's Budapest.

[1:49:31] At that time, a number of Hollywood movies, especially those light comedies, were being set in Eastern Europe because the people making them were from Eastern Europe.

[1:49:39] Right.

[1:49:39] And Budapest had this reputation for being kind of like one of the glittering cosmopolitan cities of Europe.

[1:49:45] But everyone in the movie...

[1:49:47] The only thing that really makes it like it's Budapest is that everyone has kind of Hungarian names.

[1:49:52] Otherwise, it could easily be Spokane or Kansas City or someplace like that.

[1:49:58] Right.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:59] But the plot is simple.

[1:50:01] Jimmy Stewart is corresponding with a woman that he's falling in love with.

[1:50:06] Meanwhile, he doesn't realize that the shop girl that he is constantly sparring with is the person that he has been corresponding with.

[1:50:16] And all sorts of romantic complications ensue.

[1:50:20] But it has what the people call that Lubitsch touch.

[1:50:25] It's a delight.

[1:50:27] It's charming.

[1:50:28] And it's also...

[1:50:29] You know, It's a Wonderful Life is Jimmy Stewart's Christmas movie.

[1:50:34] It's considered a Christmas classic, even though only the ending really happens at Christmas.

[1:50:39] And Shop Around the Corner is also set at Christmas.

[1:50:41] Sorry, Dan.

[1:50:42] I guess it doesn't count as a Christmas movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:43] Yeah.

[1:50:44] It's no Die Hard, says Dan McCoy.

[1:50:47] Gremlins did it better, says Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:50] When it comes to Christmas movies, I'll take Gremlins with a Thin Man.

[1:50:54] True Christmas classics.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:57] I consider it a Christmas movie, definitely.

[1:50:59] I was just fending off any possible argument against it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:03] Dan, you have been so hedging everything you say on this podcast.

[1:51:07] What is going on today?

[1:51:08] Why are you so fearful?

[1:51:11] I don't know.

[1:51:11] I just want to make it clear.

[1:51:12] I don't like Roman Polanski.

[1:51:14] I just want to make it clear.

[1:51:15] I know there isn't a huge amount of actual Christmas, and it's a wonderful life.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:19] I've also been outside clipping the hedge in front of my apartment building.

[1:51:23] So I've been doing that hedging as well.

[1:51:24] That's so much hedging.

[1:51:26] No, but it's just another Jimmy Stewart Christmas movie that deserves to be remembered, is all I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:32] Yeah, it's a great movie.

[1:51:34] That was a favorite in my family.

[1:51:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:40] I'll go next.

[1:51:41] I'm going to do two quick recommendations.

[1:51:45] The first one is a movie that I think needs all the love it can get right now, because it's crushing it at the box office.

[1:51:52] That's right.

[1:51:53] I'm going to recommend Thor Ragnarok.

[1:51:55] Check that shit out.

[1:51:56] It's great.

[1:51:58] I mean, I knew I was going to love it.

[1:52:00] I like Taika Waititi's other movies quite a bit.

[1:52:04] It definitely feels like a comedy with some action thrown in.

[1:52:08] All the performances are great.

[1:52:10] And particularly, I love, I really love the Valkyrie character that is portrayed by Tessa.

[1:52:18] Valkyrie.

[1:52:19] Valkyrie.

[1:52:19] Yeah, she's great.

[1:52:20] It's one of the first times that I feel like Marvel put a female superhero on screen who is enjoying being a superhero.

[1:52:35] Like, actually seems to be having fun doing this stuff, which is nice to see.

[1:52:39] I don't know.

[1:52:40] I feel like her character is, in any other movie, is the character that would be played by, like, the fun, like, Kurt Russell character.

[1:52:48] Yeah.

[1:52:49] Okay.

[1:52:50] So, I like that.

[1:52:51] Check it out.

[1:52:52] And I want to recommend a movie that's a bit of a qualified recommendation.

[1:52:57] But when I was in Toronto, I was lucky enough to get over to the Art Gallery of Ontario to see the Guillermo del Toro exhibit,

[1:53:04] which is just a portion of Guillermo del Toro's personal, like, museum.

[1:53:11] Like, his personal collection of both books, original comic art, as well as props from his movies and other movies.

[1:53:19] Like, they had the mask from Phantom of the Paradise there.

[1:53:22] Yeah.

[1:53:22] That was wild.

[1:53:23] That was pretty great to see.

[1:53:23] And the, like, helmet that Dracula wears in the opening of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

[1:53:28] Yeah.

[1:53:29] That was awesome.

[1:53:31] And some original pages of Bernie Wright's Frankenstein, which was amazing.

[1:53:35] But that, going to that exhibit made me excited to go revisit and Guillermo del Toro's movies.

[1:53:44] And also to finally check out Crimson Peak, which I'd been put off from kind of the negative reviews.

[1:53:51] And I like Crimson Peak a lot.

[1:53:53] It is, I think it is a little bit messy.

[1:53:56] And I feel like he repeats himself a little bit.

[1:53:58] But Guillermo del Toro makes beautiful looking movies.

[1:54:03] And Crimson Peak is no exception.

[1:54:05] So, yeah.

[1:54:06] If you're looking for a period piece that might not be the most original story, but is filled with kind of beautiful visuals and some, I don't know, some cool ghost design, check it out.

[1:54:21] It does also feature Guillermo del Toro's habit of sticking in occasional moments of CGI that looks like shit.

[1:54:29] But, you know, that's okay.

[1:54:32] Everything else looks great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:34] Speaking of period films with beautiful visuals, that's the kind of movie that I'm going to recommend.

[1:54:39] And I recently saw The Lost City of Z.

[1:54:42] Oh, wow.

[1:54:43] The James Gray movie about the true life story of Percy Fawcett, who is a British explorer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:51] And it also features Charlie Hunnam, who is in Crimson Peak.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:56] Yeah, that's right.

[1:54:57] I didn't even know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:57] You know the original son of Anarchy?

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:03] Charlie Hunnam is the star of it, and the new Spider-Man is in it later on, and Sienna Miller's in it.

[1:55:08] And it's a true story about a British explorer who found kind of found this or believed he had found this ancient city in South America that proved that the South Americans were capable of feats of urban engineering and architecture and civilization that at the time Europeans assumed they were too primitive to ever attain.

[1:55:32] And then spent the rest of his life trying to find evidence of it that he could use to prove that he was right.

[1:55:37] And in the process, ends up sacrificing his relationship with his family members, sacrificing his public image at times, sacrificing eventually, possibly his life.

[1:55:49] You'll find out if you watch the movie.

[1:55:52] And it's very, very kind of old-fashioned classic style filmmaking in a way that was really, like, refreshing to watch in a way.

[1:56:01] Like, this is the way they used to make prestige movies in the 70s, 80s, or earlier.

[1:56:09] And I thought it was really good.

[1:56:11] At times, Charlie Hunnam is a bit wooden.

[1:56:16] That's kind of how he is.

[1:56:17] But Robert Pattinson is in it as his kind of sidekick assistant, and he's surprisingly really funny and sprightly as his character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:26] I think Robert Pattinson kind of gets a bad rap because of being in the Twilight movies.

[1:56:31] But, like, almost everything else I've seen him in, he's been pretty good in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:36] Yeah.

[1:56:37] I got a new appreciation of him in this.

[1:56:39] And it was just, like, a really good jungle exploration movie.

[1:56:45] And a movie about stuffy British people being confronted with the dangers of the wild.

[1:56:55] Yeah.

[1:56:55] And about family and how family falls apart.

[1:56:58] Anyway, I thought it was really good.

[1:56:59] The Lost City of Z.

[1:57:00] I recommend it.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:04] Well, we've all got places to be.

[1:57:07] So why not?

[1:57:08] Why perform things?

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:10] You don't?

[1:57:10] I thought I was going to hang out here all day.

[1:57:13] Just lock the door.

[1:57:15] Collar tug.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:16] Thank you for narrating that collar tug, Dan.

[1:57:19] Yeah.

[1:57:20] This is the radio.

[1:57:22] Well, anyway.

[1:57:23] Well, I have some big Hollywood meetings I have to get to with some Hollywood hotshots.

[1:57:29] Perhaps you've heard of the star of Hot Shots, Charlie Sheen.

[1:57:34] Oh, wow.

[1:57:36] I haven't heard anything about him for a while.

[1:57:38] I think he's due for a comeback.

[1:57:39] He kind of dropped off the radar a while back.

[1:57:41] But people love him.

[1:57:42] People just love him.

[1:57:43] And we're going to meet and work on a project.

[1:57:45] Okay.

[1:57:45] Well, that sounds great.

[1:57:46] That's great.

[1:57:47] I think Roman Polanski is going to direct it.

[1:57:49] Okay.

[1:57:50] Again, another guy you don't hear a lot about these days.

[1:57:52] Well.

[1:57:53] And we've got Harvey Weinstein on to produce.

[1:57:56] So I think we've got a real chance at success.

[1:57:59] Oh, boy.

[1:58:00] Just great guys.

[1:58:02] The whole group.

[1:58:02] Anyway, so the movie is going to be called Bad Idea, the movie.

[1:58:05] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:07] I'm glad that you're bringing back the movie subtitle to your project.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:13] Well, we were talking to theater owners, and they thought if people walked up to a marquee

[1:58:17] that just said bad idea, they'd be like, you're right.

[1:58:20] It is a bad idea to waste my limited time on this earth sitting in the dark watching someone

[1:58:23] else's creation.

[1:58:25] I'm going to go do something in my own life.

[1:58:27] And then the theater owners don't get money, and the movie doesn't get money.

[1:58:30] So we've got to call it Bad Idea, the movie.

[1:58:31] The same way that people were worried that someone would walk into a theater and say,

[1:58:35] one hot dog, please.

[1:58:36] And they didn't sell hot dogs at the time.

[1:58:38] Now they do in theaters.

[1:58:39] Now if you walked into a theater and said, one hot dog, please, they'd say, here you go.

[1:58:42] That's $17.

[1:58:43] But at the time, they didn't sell that.

[1:58:45] So people would not know it was a movie called Hot Dog, the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:48] Yeah.

[1:58:48] You know how it is.

[1:58:49] Yeah.

[1:58:49] When the Alamo Drafthouse did a screening of Hot Dog, the movie, they made a special menu

[1:58:54] that did not feature any hot dogs, and people burned the place to the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:00] Rightfully so.

[1:59:01] It's like...

[1:59:01] It's like Katherine Heigl and her dad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:02] It's like when people bought tickets to the Emoji movie thinking it was going to be a

[1:59:06] movie, and there was just a giant emoji on the screen.

[1:59:08] And they're like, we want our money back.

[1:59:09] And that's why the movie didn't do that well.

Dan McCoy

[1:59:12] Yeah.

[1:59:12] That's the story.

[1:59:14] Anyway.

[1:59:14] That's the real history of that.

[1:59:16] That's been our show.

[1:59:17] Thanks for listening.

[1:59:18] Go to MaxFun to listen to a lot of other great podcasts.

[1:59:23] And check it out.

[1:59:25] MaximumFun.org.

[1:59:26] And we'll be back at you sooner than you think.

[1:59:30] Actually, probably exactly when you think.

[1:59:32] I don't know why I said sooner.

[1:59:32] Yeah, every two weeks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:33] Pretty much when it happens.

[1:59:34] It's on schedule.

[1:59:36] Are we going to release like a secret episode?

[1:59:38] Like when a band is playing a secret show at a club somewhere?

Dan McCoy

[1:59:42] We'll be visiting you in your dreams.

[1:59:46] But before that happens, let's sign off.

[1:59:49] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:59:51] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:54] Elliot Kalin here at the bottom of an ancient Roman cistern.

[1:59:57] Remember that joke?

[1:59:58] I made it earlier.

[2:00:00] See you later, guys.

[2:00:01] Bye.

[2:00:15] I've got...

[2:00:16] You should see my setup over here, guys.

[2:00:17] I'm like a regular Rush Limbaugh.

[2:00:19] I got my microphone.

[2:00:20] I got my computer.

[2:00:21] I got my other computer for looking up information.

[2:00:24] I got my notes and my notepad.

[2:00:25] I've got my phone for Skyping with you guys.

[2:00:27] It's like a regular pump up the volume over here.

[2:00:29] You've got your Oxycontin.

[2:00:31] I've got my Oxycontin because I'm addicted to it.

[2:00:34] I got my complete lack of decency or moral values.

[2:00:38] I got a solid gold microphone.

[2:00:40] I've got like 300 extra pounds.

[2:00:42] I'm like Rush Limbaugh over here.

[2:00:43] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:44] Do you got a hot cup of Java?

[2:00:46] You know it.

[2:00:47] And an even hotter cup of takes?

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:51] I'm like...

[2:00:52] But I'm just worried that I'm accidentally going to drink my cup of takes.

[2:00:55] No!

Dan McCoy

[2:00:59] Maximumfun.org

[2:01:00] Comedy and culture.

[2:01:01] Artist owned.

[2:01:02] Listener supported.

Ep. #244 - Unforgettable

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