Ep.#247 - Inconceivable

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, we discuss...

[0:02] Inconceivable!

[0:04] The story of the making of the Princess Bride.

[0:07] You wish!

[0:09] Pfft!

[0:09] Heh heh heh heh heh!

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:40] All right, Stuart.

[0:41] I don't even know whether that got picked up on microphone because of the way we're

[0:44] saying it, but, uh...

[0:45] Stuart opened up a can.

[0:47] Yeah.

[0:48] As Dan said that.

[0:49] Right when I was talking.

[0:50] Now, you might think it's a beer, but it's not until La Croix, because we're recording

[0:52] this on a Saturday morning in beautiful San Francisco in Dan's hotel room.

[0:57] Dan had to, uh, had to usher out a bevy of babes.

[1:00] Yeah, that's right.

[1:01] When we walked in.

[1:02] It was just like in RoboCop, you know, that, uh, bitches leave scene?

[1:06] But Dan was much more respectful and polite to them.

[1:09] Yeah, it's 2017, dude.

[1:10] He said, bitches, could you kindly see yourselves to the exit?

[1:13] Okay.

[1:14] And they said, you're a charmer!

[1:16] Uh, yeah.

[1:17] If you could see us now, we're all huddled around a tiny hotel room table.

[1:21] We're the huddled masses that the Statue of Liberty was talking about.

[1:24] Yeah.

[1:25] Uh, I guess.

[1:26] A bunch of guys in a hotel room in San Francisco.

[1:29] Three white guys who were born here.

[1:34] But it's great to see you guys in the flesh again after a while.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:39] I mean, I should probably put some clothes on.

[1:41] No, no.

[1:42] I'm loving seeing all this flesh.

[1:44] Just this bare expanse of flesh.

[1:46] Every now and then.

[1:47] It's very Cronenbergian.

[1:48] Yeah, I mean.

[1:49] One hair.

[1:50] You turn the heat way down here, so we should probably take all of our clothes off, not

[1:55] just you.

[1:56] Because the heat got turned away.

[1:57] Oh, so we can absorb body heat.

[1:58] Body heat.

[1:59] Yeah, yeah.

[2:00] Wrap ourselves up in one of those aluminum foil blankets they sell outside of marathons.

[2:03] Yeah, be one of those snake balls in the middle of the desert where the snakes all

[2:07] coil together for heat.

[2:08] Isn't that what they're doing?

[2:09] Mm-hmm.

[2:10] I thought so they could, like, roll around and be faster.

[2:12] Maybe.

[2:13] In the Looney Tunes world, possibly.

[2:15] Mm-hmm.

[2:16] Uh, so what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[2:18] Well, what we do is we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:22] Okay.

[2:23] Dan's losing his mind.

[2:25] Uh, and, uh, what bad movie did we talk about this time, Dan?

[2:28] Uh, we watched Inconceivable, because it's Cagemas, and this movie has Nicolas Cage in

[2:33] it, sort of?

[2:34] That's right, guys.

[2:35] It's the happiest time of the year.

[2:37] Cagemas.

[2:38] The time of year when we celebrate our dear messiah.

[2:41] I guess you could call him Nicolas Cage.

[2:43] Blasphemous.

[2:44] Star of such...

[2:45] Not for me.

[2:46] I mean, I guess it is for me, too.

[2:48] Star of such films as, uh...

[2:50] Stolen.

[2:51] The Vampire's Kiss.

[2:52] Stolen.

[2:53] The Rock.

[2:54] Stolen.

[2:55] The Rock.

[2:56] Uh, Face Off.

[2:57] Face Slash Off.

[2:58] Yeah, Trespass.

[2:59] Red Rock West.

[3:00] Uh...

[3:01] Seventh Son.

[3:02] Honeymoon in Vegas.

[3:03] Mm-hmm.

[3:04] Uh, Xander Lee.

[3:05] Uh...

[3:06] Yep.

[3:07] And so forth.

[3:08] Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

[3:09] I think that's the one Nicolas Cage movie no one has ever seen.

[3:13] I'm not even sure it's not just a poster.

[3:15] I just imagine that the whole thing is like,

[3:17] Hey, that's Captain Corelli's mandolin.

[3:20] Hands off.

[3:21] You guys have seen my mandolin?

[3:23] It's mine.

[3:24] Captain Corelli.

[3:25] That's me.

[3:26] I hope that it opens with a tourist goes to a junk shop in Italy

[3:30] and sees a mandolin and is like,

[3:32] Oh, this is very nice.

[3:33] And the junk shop owner goes,

[3:34] Ah, you found a mandolin.

[3:37] And there's quite a tale that goes with that instrument.

[3:40] And the tourist is like,

[3:41] Uh, I'm actually more interested in that magua you have in a box over there.

[3:46] Ah, you don't want to feed them after midnight, let me tell you.

[3:50] Italian gremlins.

[3:52] I wish there was a ripoff movie now called Italian Gremlins

[3:56] where they go to an Italian junk shop in Little Italy

[3:58] and find this magua.

[4:00] Dan, uh, what would the rules be for an Italian gremlin?

[4:03] You have to feed them after midnight,

[4:05] because Italian food's delicious.

[4:06] Yeah.

[4:07] Like, yeah.

[4:08] Like the Billy Peltzer character would be like,

[4:10] Manja, manja.

[4:11] Don't spill olive oil on the magua.

[4:14] Now we're getting into racist territory, I guess.

[4:16] Or I am.

[4:17] But anyway, Italian gremlins, everybody.

[4:19] Photoshop it.

[4:20] Let's see what that would look like.

[4:21] Yeah.

[4:22] So, Inconceivable.

[4:23] Is that about a gremlin?

[4:24] No, it's a thriller about conceiving.

[4:29] So, now this is listed as a Nicolas Cage movie,

[4:31] but it's really more of a Gina Gershon movie.

[4:33] Yeah.

[4:34] Which I did not have a problem with.

[4:35] No, no, she's great.

[4:36] Everyone knows she's great.

[4:37] I'm a big fan.

[4:38] But the weird thing about this movie was

[4:40] it's kind of the photo negative of Unforgettable,

[4:43] the Catherine Heigl, Rosario Dawson movie

[4:45] we did a few episodes ago.

[4:47] Wait, we watched that movie?

[4:48] I must have forgotten.

[4:50] Oh!

[4:53] Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

[4:55] Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

[4:56] We're all dead now.

[4:59] So, whereas Unforgettable was a movie about

[5:01] a normal, perfectly nice woman moving into a new family

[5:05] and the ex-wife becoming a murderous monster,

[5:09] this is about a perfectly normal family with a nice wife

[5:13] where a murderous monster enters in.

[5:15] Okay.

[5:16] So let's set the scene.

[5:18] The movie begins with a number of production company logos,

[5:20] which is – I'm soon learning –

[5:22] there's two ways you can tell a low-budget movie.

[5:24] One, a shit ton of production company logos.

[5:27] If there's a lot of production logos,

[5:29] you're either watching a foreign film

[5:30] that has been picked up for distribution in America

[5:32] or you're watching a low-budget movie.

[5:34] Or, and this is the other thing,

[5:37] a lot of time filled with helicopter shots,

[5:40] which I recently learned, are just drone shots.

[5:43] You just hire a drone and you rent it out

[5:45] and just have it fly over a location

[5:48] and it looks like you spent a lot of money on helicopter shots.

[5:50] You don't even have to buy the drone.

[5:52] You can just rent it?

[5:53] Just rent it, dude.

[5:54] Just rent it.

[5:55] And, like, do they have a guy who, like,

[5:57] takes a walk around the drone to make sure

[5:59] that there's no dings and dents?

[6:01] Exactly.

[6:02] And you have to hire a guy who's kind of like

[6:04] to, like, to fly the drone.

[6:05] I'll get your helicopter shots.

[6:07] Oh, it's like when my friend got married.

[6:10] He got married in, like,

[6:11] a semi-traditional Indian wedding ceremony in Queens.

[6:15] And part of the ceremony involved

[6:18] my friend riding down the street

[6:22] in Jackson Heights on a white horse.

[6:25] And there was this fucking awesome, like,

[6:28] leathery, carny-type fellow

[6:32] who was the horse handler

[6:34] who was just standing there like,

[6:36] I don't remember him wearing a shirt underneath that vest.

[6:40] Surely he must have.

[6:42] He was, like, walking there, like,

[6:43] holding the bridle of the horse the whole way down.

[6:46] So my image now is,

[6:48] and I know the friend you're talking about,

[6:49] he is sitting on a white horse

[6:51] dressed in traditional Indian wedding clothing

[6:53] where, as Danny Trejo leads the horse

[6:56] down the streets of Jackson Heights,

[6:58] wearing just a vest with no shirt underneath.

[7:00] Yep, it was pretty great.

[7:02] And then afterwards he had to wrestle the bride's father.

[7:05] No, they did, like, a fake wrestling

[7:07] on the stairs of the temple.

[7:09] Yeah, it was awesome.

[7:10] I've totally lost the thread of what's happening now.

[7:12] We're talking about Inconceivable.

[7:14] So anyway, Dan,

[7:15] this is one of those many movies

[7:17] that takes place in a kind of generic,

[7:19] very rich, upper-middle-class house.

[7:22] We start there in a...

[7:23] Actually, you know what?

[7:24] We don't end up...

[7:25] There's a wealthy house.

[7:26] We start in a generic upper-middle-class home

[7:28] where a woman is comforting a crying baby.

[7:30] She's trying...

[7:31] She's obviously in a hurry.

[7:32] She's trying to escape before a man comes home.

[7:34] We're led to believe it's her husband.

[7:35] She's too late.

[7:36] He shows up and goes,

[7:37] What are you doing?

[7:38] He seems angry,

[7:39] and I'm assuming because she's wearing

[7:41] a very obvious dark-haired wig the whole time.

[7:44] It doesn't help that she's wearing a wig.

[7:46] She's wearing a wig,

[7:47] and she's wearing a baby in a baby-bjorn

[7:49] as if it's, like, a bulletproof vest.

[7:51] He starts strangling her,

[7:53] and she stabs him,

[7:54] and the baby's crying the whole time.

[7:55] And she's stabbing him

[7:56] with a crying baby strapped to her chest,

[7:58] which is hard to do.

[7:59] And he dies, and she goes,

[8:00] What have I done?

[8:01] Cut to,

[8:02] Nicholas Cage is jogging.

[8:04] Oh, yeah.

[8:05] He walks past his motorcycle

[8:07] parked outside of his palatial mansion.

[8:10] And his wife...

[8:11] It hovers on the Harley Davidson logo

[8:15] on the motorcycle,

[8:16] and you're like,

[8:17] They paid for this to be in the movie.

[8:19] It's also like,

[8:20] you're like,

[8:21] Can't wait to see Nick Cage

[8:22] chase someone on that chopper,

[8:23] on that hog.

[8:24] It never happens.

[8:25] Harley Davidson's like,

[8:26] We could put our Harley Davidson

[8:28] in The Avengers,

[8:29] or we could do it in Inconceivable.

[8:31] I think Inconceivable's gonna be

[8:33] the big hit this year.

[8:34] Yeah, that's...

[8:35] Those were their two options?

[8:37] They were like,

[8:38] Marlboro Man,

[8:39] which of the big movies

[8:40] is gonna be bigger,

[8:41] Avengers or Inconceivable?

[8:42] And Marlboro Man was like,

[8:43] Harley Davidson,

[8:44] put it into the Inconceivable movie.

[8:46] Nobody's gonna wanna watch

[8:47] a superhero movie.

[8:48] Really?

[8:49] Because Captain America

[8:50] rides a motorcycle.

[8:51] It's kind of an organic, perfect...

[8:52] Like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[8:54] Don't do that.

[8:55] Inconceivable.

[8:56] Wait, he rides an organic motorcycle?

[8:58] Yeah, because it's made out of cable

[9:00] or something.

[9:01] Yeah, that's cool.

[9:02] Cable the superhero

[9:03] who's made of techno-organic metal.

[9:04] Yeah.

[9:05] It's not made out of, like,

[9:06] that gold mobile fidelity cable.

[9:08] Yeah, you don't think

[9:09] that's why those are expensive

[9:10] when you buy them

[9:11] from a Radio Shack, right?

[9:12] It's because they're made

[9:13] out of, like, human body parts.

[9:14] Yeah, because you gotta grow them.

[9:15] Yeah, I thought it was

[9:16] that Captain America

[9:17] video drum crossover.

[9:18] Oh, finally,

[9:19] they've all been wanting.

[9:20] Anyway,

[9:21] Nicholas Cage and his wife,

[9:22] Gina Gershon,

[9:23] because she's a stay-at-home mom now

[9:24] who used to be a doctor

[9:25] and misses her career.

[9:26] That motorcycle is there

[9:27] because I assume

[9:28] Nicholas Cage,

[9:29] they had a car

[9:30] for his character to drive

[9:31] and he said,

[9:32] no, no, no, no,

[9:33] my character rides a motorcycle.

[9:34] I'll just bring mine in.

[9:35] His character, Brian.

[9:36] Uh, yeah.

[9:37] He walks in...

[9:38] You say that as if

[9:39] that's a ridiculous thing.

[9:40] There is no world

[9:41] where Nicholas Cage

[9:42] is named Brian.

[9:43] There's also no world,

[9:44] according to this movie,

[9:45] where Nicholas Cage brushes his hair.

[9:47] It's like they paid him so little

[9:49] that he's not even willing

[9:50] to brush his hair for the movie.

[9:52] Yeah.

[9:53] He's about to power up

[9:54] and reach his final form.

[9:57] The man is aging,

[9:58] so I don't want to make fun of him.

[10:00] But Nicolas Cage Nicolas Cage does not look well in this movie. I don't know and he's very he's very

[10:06] Not in a shot in a very non-complimentary way. No

[10:09] It's very unflattering photography for almost everybody in the movie like yeah

[10:12] Gina Gershon is a beautiful woman in the movie does not shoot her particularly flattering. No, but uh

[10:17] Faye Dunaway looks great. They look actually Faye Dunaway does look great in this movie, but we'll get to Faye Dunaway anyway

[10:23] They're both doctors. They have a beautiful life with their young daughter, and they discuss and every scene with Nicolas Cage

[10:29] He's discussing like you have to assume he's just ad-libbing

[10:32] So there's a point where he's just talking about in Purple Rain for some reason and how it's about

[10:44] The same way I remember when The Rock came out

[10:46] Nicolas Cage was like I brought a lot to the character like there's my idea that he's a big Beatles fan

[10:51] All right, really informed the character. Yeah, also like the biggest man in the world

[10:56] I

[10:57] Tell who he is. I gave him this unique thing of liking the only band that everybody in the world likes

[11:03] Yeah, Gina Gershon again. It's your classic family two doctors one is now stay-at-home mom

[11:08] Mr. Work the other is a motorcycle riding Prince fan

[11:12] And at a park Gina is hanging out with another with I guess her trainer

[11:16] Or it's kind of turn her best friend and who runs a mommy and me class and the trainer

[11:22] He's like apparently like a wrestler like a female wrestler and her other like I totally buy that

[11:28] Because she does not look like a regular human being no

[11:32] See her friend who is a busty fitness trainer introduces her to Katie another mom at the park and they end up this

[11:40] She looks pretty familiar to she looks pretty similar to the woman in that opening

[11:45] And yeah, she isn't wearing a wig

[11:48] So it can't be the same person can't be because the woman in the opening scene was obviously was wearing a wig wearing a shite

[11:54] Oh as an Orthodox Jewish woman

[11:56] I don't want her hair to arouse men and that's why it's such a bad way because shitles tend not to be the best wigs

[12:02] Do you think that's that leads a lot of men to having weird?

[12:05] Shitle fetishes. Oh for sure

[12:08] There's there must be so many Orthodox men who get turned on by

[12:12] Orthodox men who live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn or other heavily Orthodox areas this woman by the way played by Nikki Whelan

[12:21] Nikki Whelan she was his co-star and left behind right was she was she according to IMDb. Oh, I remember that character

[12:28] Yeah, I mean they don't have any scenes together and left behind right maybe they have one or two

[12:31] No, I thought she was like the pilot and she's the passenger, right?

[12:34] No, I thought she was the isn't she the woman the flight attendant? I think that's oh, okay

[12:40] Also, I remember so much more about left behind also IMDb is also

[12:44] also mentioned that the

[12:46] Director really wanted her role to be played by Lindsay Lohan Wow

[12:51] But for whatever reason didn't get her. Well, I'm being like a Turkish prostitute, which I guess is what she does now

[12:58] What like there's rumors that Lindsay Lohan is now like a high-priced call girl

[13:04] Did you what do you watch on a TMZ? I get this from

[13:08] MZ I get this from

[13:10] My co-worker Elliot's former co-worker and Lauren Sarver means who is plugged into all sorts of he does know that celebrity gossip

[13:18] Yeah, she is the only person I know who is on top of what the teens are into and there's also dogwalk stalked Dana Perino

[13:26] York, I think I mean, I think I'm guessing what happened was that the director wanted it and the financiers were like

[13:33] She's unreliable

[13:37] Let's ask Paul Schrader how his shooting experience with her wet now Paul Schrader

[13:41] You're a crazy person and you had trouble working Lindsay Lohan. Yes, I did. All right, so we'll just set you aside

[13:48] Anyway, but so she's introduced to her this

[13:51] Chance meetup that I guess is not a chance meetup because the fitness trainer wanted to introduce the two of them

[13:56] But yeah introduced as if they ran into each other in the park

[13:58] This turns into a mommy hangout slash playdate where the mommies are drinking wine while the kids are are playing and everybody passes out asleep

[14:06] There's a gas leak, right

[14:09] Some of the most robotic dialogue to I

[14:12] Come to you

[14:14] That trainers dialogue feels like we've described dialogue like this before but it feels like it was originally English

[14:21] and then they

[14:22] Translated into Russian and then they translate it back to English and like she had to read it backwards and then they just played it forward

[14:29] That's crazy. Essentially a plot device with boobs

[14:32] So a lot of her dialogue is just moving things along but yeah

[14:36] It's it is it does feel like it was written by someone who English is not even

[14:41] It's so good. You look at what Joseph Conrad where English was I think his third language

[14:46] It was capable of with writing in English beautiful writing really getting to the heart of what it means to be a man in

[14:52] Conflict with both the sea and also with imperialism

[14:56] But also beholden to imperialism and you compare that to the script

[14:59] I guess what I'm saying is the screenplay to inconceivable does not reach the heights of

[15:03] Joseph Conrad's work in Nostromo

[15:06] Jim but what are you gonna do, you know?

[15:08] Now, let me just say one thing

[15:09] It seems very unrealistic that two women with kids would suddenly meet at the park and become best friends

[15:16] This is not unrealistic as I've learned the way to get any woman's phone number and the guys listen to this

[15:22] Okay

[15:23] Here's the secret if you want to get the game the way to get any woman's phone number is to be a mom with a kid

[15:29] That woman also to be a mom with a kid. Well, it's a big commitment, but I guess I'll do it Dan

[15:33] You need you to transition and get a child

[15:36] Yeah

[15:36] Because I have seen my wife get the digits of so many random women because they happen to have kids also and they're looking everyone's

[15:43] Trolling for playdates. Let's just say what it is. All moms are pimps for playdates for their kids

[15:49] Let's just say it how it is

[15:50] Let's not mince words

[15:51] My wife is always like checking out other moms and their kids to see if you stumbled into a goddamn Dana Carvey bit

[15:58] And then church lady walks in. Oh, no

[16:02] As I'd say that's not right. That's Kevin Meany rest in peace. That's not Dana Carvey

[16:06] anyway

[16:08] They Katie just that Katie is the wife is the mother of this other girl that has now become

[16:13] Gingershon's best friend in an hour and

[16:16] As soon as Nicolas Cage goes to bed Katie's ice blue eyes open. Oh the next morning

[16:21] Yeah, what wait where her eyes not blue before they were not so she took her colored contacts out

[16:27] She on the fucking spice she has she I think she it's a combination of blue contacts

[16:32] We see her putting in later and she's a spice. Yeah

[16:35] She can reshape space and time. I mean the fact is she might not be an addict

[16:39] She may just have grown up on Arrakis and there's so much spice in the atmosphere right that you become addicted

[16:44] Yeah, no, I get it and your eyes turn blue product of environment the next morning

[16:48] They find that Katie has made breakfast for everybody

[16:50] She also turns out to be I never see her go to the bathroom too because she's always going in the still

[16:55] Yeah, she appears to be a master face painter and a professional house painter

[16:59] But what she really wants to paint is murals for kids bedrooms and by murals

[17:03] I mean the same fucking mural of the African Savannah with one big tree in it

[17:08] We see her paint in several different rooms throughout the course of the film and becomes a clue later on

[17:14] It's like lady if you want to cover your tracks learn how to paint a second mural. That's all I'm gonna say

[17:19] Maybe she saw it in like like a dream quest or so

[17:23] She also hates having her photo taken which is always a sign of someone with nothing to hide now

[17:28] Nicholas Cage gets a little fun micro speech about mowing lawns another I assume cage ad-lib

[17:34] They have one of several big I could mow a lawn for hours

[17:48] Peach your is to plant

[17:51] Natural plants that are drought resistant and you have mostly mostly pebbles instead of grass

[17:57] You never have to mow it. Occasionally you bring in a garden on a clip it which one which ones that is that Nicholas Cage?

[18:04] Well, it's me Jimmy Stewart. I found the cure for cancer, but I lost it

[18:09] Okay, is that about lawns? I'm broke. I haven't lost the cure for cancer

[18:15] Anyway, that's me if you want to invite me to impersonate any of these people at an event

[18:24] I would end up giving you your money back

[18:26] So this is one that we see one of several large outdoor family backyard lunches

[18:30] Which are attended by Faye Dunaway Nicholas Cage's mother in the movie not in real life guys

[18:35] Come on, or else his name would be Nicholas Dunaway

[18:38] And she Faye Dunaway gives Katie a compliment on her cooking by saying that Gina Gershon's character Angie cannot cook

[18:47] And but Katie turns into a compliment for Angie. Oh, but she's so great at everything else

[18:51] It's you know, this is my what a beautiful scene. One of the things I like about this scene is

[18:56] late later on

[18:58] Somebody's looking at a clip. I think Gina Gershon's looking at like a collection of family photos and a shot from this lunch

[19:07] Who's taking the picture

[19:11] Drone I think I find weird about the scene is like

[19:14] One thing well the fat other besides the fact that seems to be a lunch where no food is being

[19:19] One of the things I find weird about the scene is like later on

[19:22] Almost immediately after this Faye Dunaway is like I don't like that Katie like she's suspicious

[19:27] There's something weird about her and I'm like, dude

[19:30] Why were you just like complimenting her and throwing shade at Gina Gershon if this is like what your feelings are?

[19:35] Here's how it's a delicate dance of social situations. Let me explain how mothers-in-law

[19:41] They don't like the women who have married their sons because they've taken the place of the main woman in their life

[19:48] Then so what she's doing is she's like, I don't like this woman, but you know, I don't like more myself my daughter-in-law

[19:55] Use this woman as a tool to get at my daughter-in-law and later. I'll get at

[20:00] This woman, it's a real Game of Thrones type thing.

[20:02] Your ally becomes your enemy, because you've got a larger enemy.

[20:06] Oh, it's like in playdates, you're really turning into a real dad humorist.

[20:11] Pretty old-fashioned over here.

[20:15] Anyway, so then the mother-in-law, then Faye Dunaway gets on her broom and flies away.

[20:19] Oh, man.

[20:19] Classic mother-in-law bits.

[20:20] No, she tells Nicolas Cage, that woman gives me the willies.

[20:23] And then Katie sees a knife and flashes back to the stabbing we saw earlier in the movie,

[20:27] as if we needed any evidence that this is one and the same person.

[20:31] Their faces are identical, but maybe they thought the woman was wearing a wig.

[20:35] And they have different colored eyes.

[20:38] Katie opens up and tells Gina Gershon that she had an abusive husband, and Gina Gershon

[20:43] opens up and says they had trouble conceiving, and finally had to use a surrogate, but no,

[20:48] they had to use a donor egg, and she had a lot of bad postpartum depression, and that

[20:52] put her on, and she had an addiction to medication after that.

[20:57] And you know what?

[20:58] Now they got through it, and everything's okay.

[21:00] And Gina Gershon says, hey, I'm pregnant, but Nicolas Cage doesn't know it yet.

[21:05] Uh-oh, looks like they're going to have two in this family.

[21:10] So wait, so we, okay, so there's a chink in Gina Gershon's armor at this point, is that

[21:16] she-

[21:17] We know she had, actually, is it that at this point, we learned that she had a past history

[21:20] of drug abuse, postpartum depression, that she had trouble conceiving, it was later in

[21:24] life.

[21:25] So that affects a lot of women.

[21:26] And what also affects a lot of women, she's at Mommy and Me class, and has the most oblique

[21:31] miscarriage I've ever seen in the history of film.

[21:34] I've missed it entirely.

[21:36] Yeah, I missed it too.

[21:38] I think if I was not, this is one of those times where it's literally like, if I was

[21:41] not keyed into the fact that miscarriages are very common, often not talked about because

[21:46] there's an unnecessary, in fact, totally uncalled for amount of shame attached to them, which

[21:51] there should not be.

[21:53] And that affects many, many women and is a natural part of, often, the conception process.

[21:57] But that she just goes, oh, I'm not feeling well, oh, let me help you, oh, can someone

[22:03] help?

[22:04] Cut to the next scene, and we're just supposed to know that she's no longer pregnant, that

[22:09] she's lost the baby at early stages, and again, early stages in pregnancy, it's very common

[22:14] for this to happen.

[22:15] That's not, and that's not TV and movie shorthand yet for that kind of thing.

[22:19] It's not like how, if at any point a woman throws up in a movie or TV, you're like, oh,

[22:24] I guess she's pregnant.

[22:25] And if someone coughs, and then there's a little bit of blood in the handkerchief, you're

[22:28] like, they're going to be dead.

[22:31] They shouldn't have gotten bit by that zombie.

[22:35] It's TV movie shorthand, but if you go into a magic cave, and you see an armored figure,

[22:40] and you cut the armored figure's head off, and inside the mask is your own face, it means

[22:44] that's your dad.

[22:45] Oh, okay.

[22:46] Yeah, that's just TV movie shorthand.

[22:47] Yeah, classic shorthand.

[22:48] It's like all those Hallmark, Hall of Fame movies where lizard creatures that are mentoring

[22:52] you send you into magic caves, actually tell you not to go into that magic cave.

[22:56] You think that's lazy, right?

[22:57] You'd be like, oh, that's lazy storytelling, but it's just such a part of the culture that

[23:01] you just, it's just easier.

[23:02] It happens.

[23:03] You know what?

[23:04] There's a reason some stereotypes exist.

[23:06] Magic caves, they tell you who your dad is.

[23:08] Anyway, she said she wanted to finally give Nicolas Cage a son.

[23:14] And Katie says, you know what?

[23:15] I'm moving.

[23:16] And Gina Gershon says, no, no, no, let us hire you as a live-in nanny, and Faye Dunaway

[23:20] does not like this.

[23:21] This is a decision that is made very quickly.

[23:23] They have known her for a week.

[23:24] Well, but also Katie's like, I'm gonna go on, I have this new job, I'm gonna go to Colorado,

[23:30] it's all decided, and they just hector her for a minute, and she's like, you know what?

[23:35] I will stay around.

[23:36] Fuck that job.

[23:37] Faye isn't even discussed.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:39] Well, no, but she gets free room and board, her father now has a live-in best friend,

[23:46] their house seems to be in a national park, they have so much open air space, and they

[23:51] eat at a picnic table.

[23:52] I mean, two doctors.

[23:53] They are two doctors.

[23:54] Just like in that Cabaret song, do-do-do-do-do, two doctors, do-do-do-do-do, two doctors.

[24:01] Anyway, nosy Faye Dunaway does some more snooping.

[24:05] And there's that scene where she's like, using the internet, right, and just snooping away.

[24:10] Yep, she logs on to Snoopit.com.

[24:14] Yep.

[24:16] And she keeps saying, Siri, enhance.

[24:18] Enhance what?

[24:19] Enhance Siri.

[24:20] And she puts on her VR goggles.

[24:21] And walks down the hall and opens up a VR filing cabinet.

[24:22] Yep.

[24:23] And then virtuosity jumps out and gets into the real world.

[24:24] That sucks when virtuosity does that.

[24:25] Yeah.

[24:26] You ever had those times when you just want to Google somebody, but you have to fight

[24:27] the lawnmower man to be using VR Google?

[24:28] Yeah, yeah.

[24:29] And he's like, I have your search results.

[24:30] More information.

[24:31] Yeah.

[24:32] Yeah.

[24:33] Yeah.

[24:34] Yeah.

[24:35] Yeah.

[24:36] Yeah.

[24:37] Yeah.

[24:38] Yeah.

[24:39] Yeah.

[24:40] Yeah.

[24:41] Yeah.

[24:42] Yeah.

[24:43] Yeah.

[24:44] Yeah.

[24:45] Yeah.

[24:46] I have your search results.

[24:47] More info power.

[24:48] Anyway, Nicolas Cage tries putting the moves on Gina Gershon one night, but she's not ready,

[24:53] which is understandable.

[24:54] Yeah.

[24:55] He goes outside to watch Fourth of July Fireworks, and who's swimming topless in just her panties?

[24:59] Katie.

[25:00] Bump, bump, bump.

[25:01] Because she's living in their, like, their, what, their pool house.

[25:05] The guesthouse, the poolhouse.

[25:06] I have something to say about this scene, which is, it is totally, like, it is totally

[25:10] gratuitous toplessness, because you think that this is going to pay off later.

[25:15] You think it's a real Poison Ivy new seduction.

[25:17] Yeah, you think that Nicolas Cage is going to be seduced by this new, uh, interloper,

[25:21] and that does not happen at all in the movie.

[25:23] No.

[25:24] Nicolas Cage remains totally faithful to Gina Gershon the entire film.

[25:27] It's kind of like that movie, Obsessed, that we reviewed with, uh...

[25:31] Idris Elba.

[25:32] Yeah.

[25:33] Idris Elba and Beyoncé and...

[25:34] Ali Larder.

[25:35] Yeah.

[25:36] And, like, at no point is it ever possible that he would be seduced by Ali Larder.

[25:41] No, because he's married to Beyoncé.

[25:42] But, like, even with that, there's, like, no moment where that even could possibly happen.

[25:46] It was inconceivable that that would happen.

[25:49] But in that movie, it did happen.

[25:50] Here it's just, like, uh...

[25:51] No, it didn't.

[25:52] Yeah, they have, like, a...

[25:53] They did have a one-night stand, I think.

[25:54] One-night stand.

[25:55] No, they totally didn't.

[25:56] I thought they did.

[25:57] I think she, like...

[25:58] Because she staged it?

[25:59] She, like, yeah, I think she, like, put the moves on him and he's like, nope.

[26:02] And then she's like, uh-oh, now I'm gonna send, like, pictures of my...

[26:05] I don't know.

[26:06] I know.

[26:07] Well, that's...

[26:08] It's weird that I don't remember that movie.

[26:09] Yeah.

[26:10] It is pretty weird.

[26:11] Yeah.

[26:12] You love Ali Larder so much.

[26:13] Anyway, it...

[26:14] I...

[26:15] And I want to say that when I heard the title of this movie was inconceivable, I was like,

[26:17] that'd be in pretty bad taste if it was about conceiving a child.

[26:20] That's entirely what it's about.

[26:22] It's a fairly bad taste title.

[26:24] Anyway...

[26:25] So, anyway.

[26:26] That seed is planted.

[26:27] Nicholas Cage has seen Katie's boobs, a seed that will never bear fruit.

[26:31] Gina Gershon decides to go to work, and Katie walks around the house in classic, imagining

[26:37] her life was my lifestyle, looking at all her clothes and things.

[26:40] But...

[26:41] So she's going back to work, and Katie seems oddly distressed that her friend is going

[26:47] to be going back to work and wants somebody to look after her daughter.

[26:50] Yeah.

[26:51] What's weird, too, is that immediately Katie is not doing her job looking after her daughter

[26:55] or the family's daughter.

[26:57] She's just walking around the house by herself.

[26:58] But yeah, she does not like...

[27:00] She doesn't like the idea that she's...

[27:02] Instead of being a stay-at-home mom, Gina Gershon's going to go back to work and have,

[27:05] what, a stranger watching your child?

[27:09] Very old-fashioned, conservative view of things.

[27:11] Gina Gershon comes home to see Katie having sex with someone.

[27:15] We don't see who it is.

[27:16] And of course, we assume it's Nick Cage, because he's super stuck.

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:20] He's amazing.

[27:21] You think it's...

[27:22] But...

[27:23] And Faye Dunaway, we learn, has taken the girls to the beach.

[27:24] Okay.

[27:26] I'm glad you wrote that down in your fucking notes.

[27:32] Katie says, are you mad because you caught me in bed with another woman?

[27:36] And Gina Gershon's like, oh, yeah, I guess.

[27:42] I mean, I guess that changes their friendship a little, maybe.

[27:47] It's also...

[27:48] Makes it loaded.

[27:49] I mean, it's a little weird.

[27:50] I mean, it's...

[27:51] Here's the boundaries that it's hard to figure out.

[27:52] Katie now lives in their guest house, and she needs to have a life outside of being

[27:55] a nanny.

[27:56] That's true.

[27:57] But if I had to live in nanny and found that she was bringing someone I'd never met home

[28:00] to have sex with on my property, I would feel a little weird about it, especially in the

[28:05] middle of the day.

[28:07] Yeah.

[28:08] When only dirty people have sex, I guess.

[28:11] What if my child is going to wander in on the nanny having sex with somebody?

[28:14] She was at the beach.

[28:15] You wrote it down in your notes.

[28:16] Then you use...

[28:17] Then they're going to come over to the beach.

[28:18] You're like, it's natural.

[28:19] That's how you were created.

[28:20] It's like Faye Dental.

[28:21] He can stand up to the harsh sunlight of the beach.

[28:23] She's not taking him for a day-long trip.

[28:25] Come on.

[28:26] Katie's always supposed to go to the other person's apartment.

[28:27] That gets old.

[28:28] You're right.

[28:29] Yeah, and they're like right by a pool.

[28:33] So what does that mean?

[28:34] It's natural sex place.

[28:37] That's a natural habitat for Americanas fornicatus.

[28:42] By wetlands or pools.

[28:45] So they can what, have a sip of chlorine water afterwards at the waterfall?

[28:48] I don't like to douse, I don't know, the stuff off of the stuff.

[28:52] Now that she says it was a female co-worker, Gina Gershon never says, hey, wait a minute,

[28:56] you work as a nanny.

[28:57] Who was your co-worker?

[28:58] But, uh, but, uh, then Katie goes, you didn't think that was Brian, did you?

[29:03] And Gina Gershon's like, no, no, of course not.

[29:04] And that night, Gina has sex with her husband, Nicholas Cage.

[29:08] She is both wants to reclaim him because she's worried and also maybe she was a little turned

[29:12] on by Katie's freewheeling, casual daytime sex.

[29:15] Who knows?

[29:17] Grant, that was Grant.

[29:19] So then Angie and their mutual friend who introduced them, whose name is what, Linda?

[29:25] This is that fitness robot we were talking about?

[29:26] Yeah, I think it is Linda.

[29:27] Linda, maybe Lisa.

[29:28] Oh no, Linda.

[29:29] Okay.

[29:30] So Linda's by herself jogging down the beach in a bikini top.

[29:32] This happens for a while.

[29:33] Yeah.

[29:34] And then it turns out she and Katie are lovers.

[29:36] She was the one who was in bed with Katie.

[29:38] What?

[29:39] One of the only characters introduced to us?

[29:41] And she tells, she tells Katie, they're going to try for another kid.

[29:45] They want to use a surrogate and they asked, they're going to guys, guys, guys.

[29:49] You're right.

[29:50] It was Linda.

[29:51] Okay.

[29:52] Thanks.

[29:53] Thanks for thanks for that.

[29:54] Fact check.

[29:55] Momentary fact check.

[29:56] You're welcome.

[29:57] Fact check.

[29:58] Appreciate it.

[29:59] Yep.

[30:00] You're welcome guys.

[30:00] Fire a Pinocchio award on me, don't do it.

[30:03] So Linda says, they're gonna have another child

[30:05] but they want to use a surrogate

[30:07] and they're gonna ask me.

[30:08] Katie is instantly envious.

[30:10] Linda goes for a swim in a lake

[30:11] and then Katie wades into the water in her underwear

[30:14] and just stands there not saying anything.

[30:16] Linda takes this to mean that she's unhappy about it.

[30:18] Weird scene.

[30:20] And Katie goes, the egg donor, that was me.

[30:25] Those babies are mine.

[30:27] I had to steal and I already had to steal my daughter

[30:29] away from my own surrogate.

[30:31] And now she's going back to work

[30:33] and I have to take care of my baby.

[30:34] And Linda's like, that's fucked up.

[30:36] And so Katie hits her with something really heavy

[30:39] and kills her and she drowns her.

[30:40] It's a dumbbell.

[30:42] Is it?

[30:42] Yeah, I thought it was a dumbbell

[30:43] but I was like, why did she bring a dumbbell with her?

[30:45] Just part of a workout routine?

[30:46] Yeah, it's part of a workout.

[30:47] On the beach?

[30:48] Yeah, I don't know.

[30:49] So, yeah, noted worker outer, Elliot Caitlin.

[30:55] You know what?

[30:56] I have all these heavy dumbbells.

[30:57] Let me lug them to the beach.

[30:58] I mean, that's part of the workout in and of itself.

[31:00] All right, good point.

[31:01] And I'm pretty sure during this big reveal speech,

[31:03] because this is like, this is the...

[31:05] Yeah, we don't want to...

[31:05] This is only half a reveal.

[31:06] We don't want to gloss over this.

[31:08] Like, we want to make it very clear.

[31:09] What she's saying is...

[31:10] We don't want to gloss over this

[31:11] the way we glossed over Gina Gershon's history.

[31:13] Gina Gershon's child comes from Katie's egg.

[31:16] Yes.

[31:17] So Katie is the birth mother.

[31:20] No.

[31:21] Well, not birth mother, but she's the egg donor.

[31:22] And so she feels like it is actually her child.

[31:25] Yeah.

[31:26] I'm pretty sure during this whole reveal,

[31:28] the background music is this like,

[31:31] soft, acoustic guitar stuff,

[31:34] which is non-diagenic, I'm assuming.

[31:36] I'm assuming there's nobody sitting on the bench

[31:38] playing guitar.

[31:39] Maybe they brought a guitar player.

[31:41] There's a guitar player, like, Mel Brooks style.

[31:47] I found this scene genuinely kind of creepy, though,

[31:50] because it's just like,

[31:51] the way that Katie like, kind of wades out

[31:52] and doesn't say anything,

[31:53] and then she like, kills her lover

[31:56] and like, drowns her in the lake.

[31:58] If the movie had kept up this level,

[32:00] it would have been a really creepy movie.

[32:02] Yeah.

[32:03] That's all I wanted to say about that.

[32:05] You can never underestimate the creepiness

[32:07] of someone standing there and looking at you

[32:09] and not saying anything.

[32:10] Yeah.

[32:11] Like, she's just standing in the water

[32:12] in her underwear, shivering,

[32:13] not saying anything to Linda,

[32:14] and Linda's like, what are you doing?

[32:16] Like, this is freaking me out.

[32:17] Like, you're upset with me?

[32:18] Like, what's going on?

[32:19] And it's very creepy.

[32:20] And I'm remembering the scene of her like,

[32:23] sitting there like, holding herself in her arms.

[32:26] Where's the dumbbell?

[32:28] That's true.

[32:31] Isn't there like, a crab holding it?

[32:34] She had waded out beforehand and put it in the water

[32:37] just to show it there in case.

[32:39] Yeah.

[32:40] You have to assume that she's got a dumbbell

[32:41] just in the back of her panties, I guess.

[32:45] She pulls it out and bugs bunny style.

[32:48] Like, her butt is a tesseract

[32:50] that holds any number of unlimited objects.

[32:53] Sometimes I feel that way about my own butt, Elliot.

[32:57] You do raise a good question.

[32:58] Where was that dumbbell?

[33:00] Which makes me believe maybe it was like,

[33:02] a floating log or something that she found.

[33:04] It just shaped exactly like a dumbbell.

[33:07] Yeah, there's a million monkeys

[33:09] and a million typewriters.

[33:10] Yeah, I guess.

[33:10] Yeah, it makes sense.

[33:12] Could happen.

[33:13] She took it from a crab that was working out.

[33:16] So, Linda's body is discovered the next day

[33:18] by two people just walking along the beach,

[33:20] law and order style.

[33:22] Katie.

[33:23] Boating accident, right?

[33:24] That's what it's ruled officially.

[33:25] A strange boating accident.

[33:27] And later on, they have a in-memoriam card

[33:30] and photo of her on the refrigerator.

[33:32] That is, it's such a over-makeup,

[33:35] like Kim Kardashian type photo

[33:38] and a very weird choice for an in-memoriam card.

[33:40] Very much the kind of photo that would be attached

[33:42] to a bartender's resume that would send me a resume

[33:45] when I look for them.

[33:47] It feels like it's the kind of photo

[33:48] that would be used on the billboard for a strip club.

[33:51] I feel like.

[33:53] A weird choice for an in-memoriam.

[33:54] You'd think you'd have something

[33:55] that was a little bit less.

[33:57] Vampy?

[33:58] Yeah, vampy, let's say it.

[34:00] Anyway, Katie, meanwhile, goes back to nannying,

[34:02] mainly by lounging around in the pool.

[34:05] And Faye Dunaway does not like that Katie, we now learn,

[34:08] has been asked to be the new surrogate.

[34:10] I mean, we learn by seeing her pregnant, right?

[34:13] No, no, no, she's, Dunaway says,

[34:14] I don't like that you're using her,

[34:16] you're gonna use her as the surrogate.

[34:17] Because Katie at this point has, she's super toned.

[34:20] She, you know.

[34:20] Yeah, she's shredded.

[34:21] It's gotta be either the earliest stage of pregnancy

[34:23] or there's nothing in there,

[34:24] because she's just like, yeah.

[34:25] Yeah, there's no.

[34:26] There's nothing.

[34:27] She's like, there's a tortilla chip on her tummy.

[34:30] And Linda, we learn, was killed in a boating accident.

[34:32] But anyway, Faye Dunaway's like.

[34:36] We learned.

[34:36] That would be hilarious if that,

[34:39] if she actually died in a boating accident,

[34:41] we just learned it in passing.

[34:43] We know that character, she died in a boating accident.

[34:46] Wait, did she, did they not pay her enough

[34:48] that she left halfway through filming?

[34:50] Like, what happened?

[34:51] Faye Dunaway says, here's what your plan should be.

[34:53] Kick her out when the baby's born,

[34:55] because she's gonna want to have

[34:56] visitation and custody rights.

[34:57] And they're like, no way.

[34:59] And I will say this conversation

[35:00] is realistically circular and pointless.

[35:02] It comes to no conclusion and they don't do anything.

[35:05] Then Nicolas Cage and Gina Gershon

[35:06] recap that conversation unnecessarily.

[35:09] Cut to four months later.

[35:11] Katie is pregnant.

[35:12] And Gina, and Gina Gershon,

[35:15] I keep forgetting the character's name,

[35:16] so I'm just calling her Gina in my notes.

[35:19] Here's Katie, take credit for the two girls

[35:21] to a stranger at the playground.

[35:23] Awkward.

[35:26] It's very like, already Katie's starting to show.

[35:29] The dominoes are starting to fall, yeah.

[35:31] Yeah, she's starting to show possessiveness

[35:32] of Gina Gershon's daughter in a way

[35:34] that Gina Gershon is getting suspicious about.

[35:36] They get home and we hear the immortal line,

[35:38] hey, guess what, the animal show's on,

[35:40] because they couldn't even come up

[35:41] with a fake name for a TV show.

[35:45] They go for a medical test

[35:46] and Katie starts calling it.

[35:49] At the animal show?

[35:50] No, no, at the doctor's.

[35:52] Katie and Gina Gershon go,

[35:53] and Katie starts calling it my baby.

[35:55] I love the fact that the doctor, Dr. Weissman,

[36:00] who is checking Katie out,

[36:04] is the only doctor who shows up.

[36:05] In a medical way, not like.

[36:06] Yeah, yeah, he's not like.

[36:07] Not like didn't pull down his sunglasses

[36:09] and look her up and down and go, nice.

[36:11] Not that kind of checking her out.

[36:12] Yeah, while Drop Dead Legs plays in the background.

[36:16] Yeah, he's the only doctor that we ever see in the movie,

[36:19] depending on no matter what the situation is.

[36:22] Say, for instance, somebody gets stabbed

[36:25] by a knife later in the movie.

[36:26] That's the doctor we're gonna see later

[36:28] on shaking his head sadly.

[36:29] Aside from that one lab tech doctor

[36:32] who does a DNA test for Gina Gershon

[36:33] and is introduced as her other best friend ever?

[36:36] No, he was at that immortal luncheon

[36:40] we were talking about.

[36:41] Oh, that's who that was.

[36:42] The luncheon that was photographed

[36:44] and placed in a frame.

[36:45] You're right, I totally didn't even recognize him

[36:47] because he's fleetingly abused.

[36:49] His name's like Brian or something.

[36:50] No, wait, Brian.

[36:51] Oh, they're Brian.

[36:53] Why did they name both characters Brian?

[36:57] It's a real double life of Veronique situation.

[37:00] Yeah.

[37:01] So anyway, during the test, Katie has a flashback

[37:04] in which she's told by another doctor

[37:05] and Katie, it's brown-wigged Katie,

[37:08] is told that she has an infection that spreads.

[37:10] She can no longer produce any eggs

[37:12] and she wakes up screaming,

[37:13] much like the movie, I Wake Up Screaming.

[37:16] And Gina Gershon is realistically weirded out by the fact.

[37:19] Did you write that reference down in your notes?

[37:21] No, I did not.

[37:22] But Gina Gershon says to the doctor,

[37:23] that was weird, right?

[37:24] When she woke up screaming from that test

[37:27] and asked for permission.

[37:28] It's like, no, that's very normal.

[37:29] No, the way I do this test, it's very painful

[37:32] and it brings up bad memories.

[37:34] She asks for a prescription for a sedative for Katie.

[37:38] And now, Dan, there hasn't been a lot of Nicolas Cage

[37:40] in this movie so far.

[37:42] What do you take that to mean?

[37:43] I think that they probably gave him enough money

[37:47] to pay half of the property taxes on one of his castles,

[37:53] but not enough to keep him in the movie any longer than that.

[37:55] Now, when we watched Unforgettable,

[37:57] which again, is the reverse of this movie,

[37:59] we talked about how much we hated the husband in that movie

[38:04] and it hurt me a little bit that Nicolas Cage

[38:06] in this movie is that husband.

[38:08] He's like a motorcycle riding doctor

[38:10] who's never allowed for his family.

[38:12] Equally young.

[38:14] Equally a stud.

[38:15] Who's never up for his family

[38:16] and will soon immediately take a stranger's point of view

[38:20] or side against his own wife.

[38:22] And I was like, Nick, don't do it.

[38:23] But I also realized, I don't know if there's a single scene

[38:26] of Nicolas Cage talking to another man in this movie.

[38:29] So I think this movie fails the reverse Bechdel test.

[38:31] It's too bad.

[38:36] Yeah, no, it's true.

[38:37] Which I guess would be called what, the Glenn Bechdel test?

[38:39] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:40] So men's rights activists, get on this movie.

[38:43] It really didn't actually,

[38:45] the men don't have interior lives

[38:47] that allow them to be independent from the women.

[38:49] I think you're misrepresenting us, Elliot.

[38:51] Guys, look, let's just say,

[38:53] I'm all for women not being sexually assaulted,

[38:56] but I think the pendulum swung a little too far, don't you?

[38:58] Oh boy, oh geez.

[38:59] That's my favorite thing to be horrified at at the moment

[39:02] is like, hey, enough's enough.

[39:04] We rounded up a couple bad guys,

[39:06] but now someone's not allowed to force a woman

[39:08] to kiss them in a professional situation.

[39:10] Like, yeah, you're right, dude, they're not.

[39:12] Like, someone's not allowed to compliment somebody?

[39:15] Well, not that way.

[39:16] If nobody was forcibly kissing anyone,

[39:19] nobody would ever be born

[39:21] because nobody would ever go out on dates.

[39:23] It's like there are all these guys who are like,

[39:24] now, who am I gonna give my hugs to when I'm at the office?

[39:28] I got all these hugs I gotta release

[39:29] or I'm gonna explode.

[39:30] I've got so much love to give.

[39:31] Don't you understand it hurts me inside?

[39:36] And actually, that is a lot of nerds

[39:37] who end up having fixations on friends

[39:40] that they have crushes on,

[39:41] and they're like, don't you understand how much I love you

[39:44] and it's not fair of you to not love me back?

[39:46] And it's like, dude, just come on.

[39:47] Like, stop talking to Deadpool, dude.

[39:50] Yeah.

[39:51] Anyway.

[39:53] He's a character.

[39:54] He'll never love you.

[39:56] You're not a chimichanga.

[39:58] You should've left these feelings of resentment behind.

[40:00] In middle school, if you had them at all, like, yeah.

[40:02] It's like, they'd grow up.

[40:03] Anyway, it's very hard for a lot of guys to grow up

[40:06] because society rewards them for not doing so.

[40:08] But anyway, Katie finishes the amazing African-

[40:10] It's only like 90% of entertainment is directed to them.

[40:13] And it's almost the same number of jobs

[40:17] and just all culture, not even entertainment,

[40:19] all culture of all time.

[40:20] Yeah, that's true.

[40:22] Katie finishes the amazing African Savannah mural

[40:24] she's painting in the daughter's room.

[40:26] She's now started dressing the two girls alike

[40:28] and the girls claim that she said they were sisters.

[40:32] This, and by this point, I was like,

[40:35] yeah, this is the opposite of unforgettable.

[40:36] And I really wish there was some kind of

[40:38] flop house cinematic.

[40:40] I wish there was something in a flop house

[40:41] cinematic universe so that Katherine Heigl

[40:43] could go up against Katie,

[40:45] since they also both walk onto knives

[40:47] at different points in the movie.

[40:49] But let's get to that later.

[40:51] Gina Gershon shows up to find that Katie

[40:52] is dying her daughter's hair blonde.

[40:54] Turns out they're both naturally have dark hair,

[40:56] which we know is not true because we saw

[40:59] that they need to wear wigs to get that dark hair.

[40:59] Maybe it was naturally dark under the wig.

[41:04] A double blind.

[41:06] And Gina Gershon says,

[41:09] oh, I'm not taking maternity leave for this new baby.

[41:11] I'm just gonna hire a new nanny.

[41:13] And Katie is offended by this.

[41:16] Detail, in this dinner scene where they discuss this,

[41:18] there's a huge platter of fried chicken on the table,

[41:21] which nobody takes anything from.

[41:22] It was very distracting to me.

[41:24] The whole time I just wanted to be like,

[41:25] if you guys aren't gonna eat that,

[41:26] can I have that platter of fried chicken?

[41:29] I think Gina Gershon angrily takes the plates

[41:31] into the kitchen and they're piled high

[41:34] with fried chicken and corn, untouched.

[41:37] And Gina Gershon says, no, I wanna go back to work.

[41:40] And Katie's like, you're gonna have a stranger

[41:41] watch your child?

[41:42] Nicolas Cage, of course, takes Katie's side.

[41:44] Yeah, this is the weirdest part,

[41:46] Nicolas Cage taking Katie's side.

[41:47] Later on, when Katie is gaslighting everyone

[41:51] and making it look like Gina Gershon has a drug problem,

[41:55] I kind of understand where Nicolas Cage is coming from

[41:58] because he's like, look, you're spiraling out of control.

[42:00] It's not like he's totally unsympathetic.

[42:02] He's just like.

[42:03] He's like, look, you had a problem before.

[42:04] I'm worried that you have that problem now.

[42:06] But here, there's no reason.

[42:07] Yeah, yeah, he should be like, yeah,

[42:09] she's not taking maternity leaves.

[42:11] We're gonna have a.

[42:12] I mean, the correct response from him would be like,

[42:15] back off of my wife, dude.

[42:16] Exactly.

[42:17] Like, she needs more than our home life.

[42:19] Anyway, I get more than my home life

[42:21] and she should have the same thing

[42:22] because we're partners, asshole.

[42:24] But thank you for carrying our child to term.

[42:27] Maybe that's why he's not doing, he's like,

[42:29] Ixnay on the.

[42:30] Don't want to.

[42:31] I know that if she happens to see a deformed person,

[42:34] the baby will be deformed because I'm a medieval doctor.

[42:37] So if you upset her, the baby might come out as,

[42:39] I don't know, a demon of some kind.

[42:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[42:42] Gina Gershon's so upset,

[42:43] she almost takes one of the sedative pills,

[42:44] but doesn't and throws them out.

[42:46] But Katie sees her throwing the pills out

[42:48] and assumes the worst.

[42:49] Bath time.

[42:50] Time for Katie to have a bath time flashback.

[42:53] She's dark haired again,

[42:54] painting yet another of the same mural.

[42:57] She hears a baby crying.

[42:58] We see that the mother of that baby

[43:01] is just lying in the bathtub

[43:02] for the other gratuitous nudity in the film.

[43:05] Yeah.

[43:06] There's just a naked woman in the bathtub.

[43:07] And this woman is named Tara.

[43:09] How else is she gonna take a fucking bath, dude?

[43:12] Yeah, we should wear a wetsuit, come on.

[43:14] I mean, they could have framed it differently is the thing.

[43:16] Yeah, make it a bubble bath, right?

[43:17] Yeah, yeah, cover him up.

[43:18] Everybody loves that shit.

[43:19] But Katie runs in, she says,

[43:21] how can you just have a bath while your child is crying?

[43:24] Which, you know what?

[43:25] I kind of sympathize with both sides on this

[43:27] because you do think she should get out

[43:28] and come for that shot baby.

[43:30] But on the other hand, I've dealt with crying babies.

[43:32] Sometimes it's like-

[43:33] But on the other hand,

[43:34] a woman should not be murdered.

[43:34] I know, that's what's bad going on.

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:37] Yeah, it's also weird to call somebody out on that

[43:39] when you storm into the bathroom with them.

[43:41] It's also weird that,

[43:42] actually, you know what?

[43:43] It's not something at all

[43:44] because the woman in the bathroom would be like,

[43:45] you're the nanny.

[43:46] I'm paying you to take care of this.

[43:49] I need a moment to take a bath.

[43:50] Can you go take care of my child

[43:52] like I'm paying you to do?

[43:54] And Katie does not say like,

[43:55] I'll go see the baby.

[43:56] Instead, she takes the woman's head,

[43:58] bangs against the tub and then drowns her

[44:00] because we now know her M.O.,

[44:02] which is hitting people in the head with something

[44:04] and then drowning them.

[44:06] That's how she kills all of her victims.

[44:07] That's why she carries a pail of water around with her

[44:09] everywhere she goes.

[44:10] Just in case she has to kill someone.

[44:12] Poseidon's daughter, they call her.

[44:17] She's the Jack LaLanne Neptune killer.

[44:20] So she puts on a locket with the little baby's name,

[44:24] which is Maddie, and now we learn,

[44:25] oh, when she was running away in the beginning,

[44:28] she wasn't the wife running away from an abusive husband.

[44:31] No, no, no.

[44:32] She killed that mother and then killed the father.

[44:35] Yeah.

[44:35] Oh, okay.

[44:36] Anyway.

[44:38] I mean, you realized that before that happened, right?

[44:42] Yes.

[44:42] This just makes it clear.

[44:43] Like, you know that she wasn't,

[44:45] I mean, the only time I thought that she was running away

[44:47] from an abusive husband

[44:48] was literally watching the opening scene.

[44:50] Yeah.

[44:51] And then everything after that made it clear,

[44:51] oh no, she's a crazy person.

[44:52] Yeah, there was a brief moment where I was worried

[44:54] they were going to be like, look, she's crazy.

[44:57] That's why she killed her husband.

[44:58] What a bitch.

[44:59] But luckily they didn't do that.

[45:00] No, she's merely crazy because once women have children,

[45:04] they become insanely attached.

[45:06] Oh.

[45:07] To the point of psychotic madness.

[45:08] Oh, so you're saying it wasn't misogynistic in one way.

[45:10] It was misogynistic in another way.

[45:12] Exactly.

[45:13] Exactly in that way.

[45:14] And frankly, even though Gina Gershwin

[45:16] is the good guy in the movie,

[45:18] I still think the movie is judging her for,

[45:20] one, not being able to carry a child's term on her own,

[45:23] and two, for having a professional career.

[45:25] It's like, look, ladies.

[45:26] Yeah, her weakness has brought this demon into their house.

[45:28] Exactly.

[45:29] If you could be a mom,

[45:30] you wouldn't have a monster in your house,

[45:32] or a momster, if you will,

[45:34] which is a monster mom. I won't, I won't.

[45:35] Oh, you won't?

[45:36] Okay, then, retracted.

[45:37] All right, just drag that to the trash can in my brain

[45:40] and delete.

[45:41] Yeah.

[45:42] Okay.

[45:42] And unplug the computer, throw it out the window.

[45:45] Katie thinks that Gina Gershwin's taking drugs,

[45:48] and Gina Gershwin starts snooping around the guest house

[45:50] and finds a bunch of baby books

[45:51] with crazy person notes in them.

[45:53] Katie is already really attached

[45:55] to this fetus that's in her,

[45:56] and she finds a picture of-

[45:57] I mean, physically, she's attached to it, right?

[45:59] Isn't that like-

[46:00] Yes, by an umbilical cord, yeah.

[46:01] Okay, there's like a bunch of cables and stuff, right?

[46:03] We covered that.

[46:04] Yeah, cables and stuff.

[46:05] Yeah, just like being in a Matrix pod.

[46:07] Yeah, the umbilical cord's the original cable.

[46:09] Yeah, you know that video for Closer,

[46:11] where the guy's kind of floating around in space

[46:13] with that-

[46:14] The guy.

[46:15] Frent Reznor?

[46:16] Yeah.

[46:17] That's basically what it's like inside a woman's body,

[46:19] including having a little piano that you can play.

[46:21] Oh, cool.

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] Anyway, Gina Gershwin goes to sleuth on the computer

[46:27] until she literally falls asleep

[46:28] with the computer in her lap.

[46:29] Nicolas Cage wakes her up,

[46:31] looks at what she was looking at,

[46:32] a real invasion of her privacy.

[46:35] And Katie, when she gets home,

[46:36] notices her books are askew.

[46:38] Someone's been a-snoopin'.

[46:41] Oh, and Gina Gershwin's research is that she finds-

[46:43] And she sees blood on the windowsill, right?

[46:45] Yes, because, well, not this time, right?

[46:48] Because Gina Gershwin just walked in the open door.

[46:51] Or maybe, no, maybe-

[46:52] The amount of attention we're paying

[46:53] to the specific plot points in this movie is terrifying.

[46:56] Anyway, the point is,

[46:57] Gina Gershwin does a bunch of research on evil surrogates,

[47:00] catches Katie calling herself Mama to their daughter,

[47:03] and they confront each other,

[47:05] and Katie accuses her of feeling guilty

[47:07] about being a bad mom.

[47:09] Oblivious Nicolas Cage just wanders in

[47:11] to reveal that, hey, we've got a present for you.

[47:15] She painted another mural for our new son,

[47:17] and it has the name Gabriel on it,

[47:18] because Katie and I named the baby.

[47:22] Which is crazy.

[47:24] Like, that's crazy.

[47:25] But now Gina Gershwin looks like a crazy addict

[47:28] to her husband and mother-in-law.

[47:31] And I don't, this is not,

[47:32] was this when they have the surprise baby shower?

[47:36] No, that was, wasn't that later after she gets doped?

[47:40] Yes, yes, that's right.

[47:42] But everyone thinks she's crazy,

[47:43] and she just keeps saying to Katie,

[47:45] she thinks Katie killed Linda.

[47:46] She was going, answer this one question.

[47:48] Answer this one question.

[47:50] She can't answer this one question.

[47:52] And Katie pretends to have pregnancy pains

[47:55] to get out of the situation.

[47:55] Nicolas Cage turns to his wife and says,

[47:57] you've put our baby's life at risk

[47:59] by accusing her of being a murderer.

[48:01] Being a cool dude.

[48:02] Yeah.

[48:03] Nicolas Cage says, I want you to give me a urine sample

[48:05] so that you can prove to me that you're not on drugs.

[48:08] And you have to apologize to Katie.

[48:11] Anyway, long story short, more snooping.

[48:13] It's so fucking weird that her husband

[48:16] is treating her like she's a McDonald's employee.

[48:18] Yeah, and he just said, get back to the fire.

[48:22] Your break's over.

[48:23] Make this, wear this paper hat.

[48:25] I mean, part of the issue is that she's taking,

[48:27] she's not taking enough breaks.

[48:29] Yeah, she's working too hard.

[48:31] You know what, some people are hardly working.

[48:33] Instead of working hard, she should be one of those people.

[48:36] One of these days, she's gotta get organized.

[48:37] But you know what?

[48:38] Hang in there, Gina Gershon.

[48:40] Because you don't have to be crazy to work here,

[48:42] but it helps.

[48:42] You don't have to be crazy to accuse

[48:44] your nanny of being a murderer, but it helps.

[48:47] Anyway, blah, blah, blah.

[48:50] And this is when Gina Gershon breaks into the guest house

[48:52] because Katie's locked the door.

[48:54] And she cuts her hand on the window.

[48:56] Blah, blah, blah, doesn't matter.

[48:57] She does some very slow snooping and finds out

[49:00] that the head of the surrogate company

[49:02] also died under mysterious circumstances.

[49:04] Bodax.

[49:06] It was funny, she calls up the surrogate company

[49:08] to ask to speak to them.

[49:09] And the secretary goes, oh no, she died.

[49:11] It was ruled a suicide.

[49:13] You sound like you don't believe her.

[49:14] No, she loved life.

[49:15] And it's true.

[49:18] And he lived to laugh.

[49:21] The movie is so spoon-feeding clues at this point

[49:25] that I think it's so funny and so unprofessional

[49:27] for the secretary to say that.

[49:29] She also didn't give out any information about past donors.

[49:33] No, that's true.

[49:34] Yes, she can't do that.

[49:35] Nor did she give out information about who

[49:37] painted the lovely mural that's in the video

[49:42] that the surrogate had.

[49:44] The website has yet to be updated.

[49:45] They haven't yet taken down the video with the now-dead woman

[49:48] in it.

[49:48] And behind her is a mural.

[49:50] It's a way to kind of keep her spirit alive.

[49:52] Behind her is a mural that was clearly painted by Katie

[49:54] because it's the same damn mural, the same African Savannah

[49:59] with the same.

[50:00] tree but what I like about it is trying to get it right is let's say that yeah let's say uh

[50:05] Gina Gershon is just calling up you throw out the first pancake or two Elliot I mean

[50:10] you know was it Monet who did the haystacks he did so many haystacks yeah Monet was talking about

[50:16] pancakes for his couple I mean there's there yes okay artists often become fixated on one object

[50:23] worth or subject for their art yeah Woody Allen for instance yeah Woody Allen is fixated on how

[50:28] he is amazingly able to get away with having sex with younger women uh but and death but at least

[50:34] you find some variations within that theme I mean come on come on guys come on at least paint a

[50:41] different tree but anyway uh so the pieces are all falling into place Katie has a is I think and I

[50:49] think the surrogate woman was the woman that was there when Katie learned that she can no longer

[50:53] produce eggs if I'm remembering correctly uh they decide I'm gonna do a DNA or Gina Gershon

[51:00] says I'm gonna do a DNA test on Katie to see if she and my daughter have the same DNA but at the

[51:05] same time Katie while she is snooping to try to get Katie's DNA Katie grounds up sedative pills

[51:10] and puts them in Gina Gershon's carrot juice they are always drinking carrot juice in this movie

[51:15] lots of carrot juice gives her a thermos full of carrot juice to take to the office well that

[51:19] explains her magical eyesight which is a huge plot point yeah good point have you guys now and

[51:25] whether she's being followed by rabbits all over they could smell it on yeah have you guys ever

[51:31] drank carrot juice uh I've had carrot juice in other juices it's not the question I asked you

[51:36] Dan no I've never had I didn't think you ever drank v8 I said you ever drank carrot juice

[51:40] never had straight carrot juice I don't think so no me either yet everybody in this movie carrot

[51:44] juice is the most natural thing in the world to drink why would we juice anything else when we

[51:49] can juice a carrot the juiciest you just squeeze the carrot and feel that sweet juice yeah you cut

[51:57] the top off and squeeze it into your mouth makes you want to suck out all that juice

[52:04] juicy carrot yeah watching this movie I suffered from a little bit of culture shock because I'm

[52:08] like everything about it reminds me of the place that I live except one little thing is off

[52:16] instead of drinking water they're always drinking juice out of carrots yeah this is an alternate

[52:21] reality yeah where they walk up to a vending machine and it only serves carrots you're like

[52:27] this is in Atlanta not the Atlanta I remember they're like they're like uh you know what we're

[52:36] hurting the environment with all this bottled carrot juice that we're selling

[52:39] yeah bottles are just piling up when it comes in it's a natural vessel the skin of a carrot

[52:47] they don't carry around wine skins they carry on carrot skins yeah yeah uh and very thin sheets

[52:53] of paper also called carrot skin instead of yeah I think uh I think I think they were they were

[52:59] watching uh the little girls play Mario Kart and in this world instead of slipping out a banana peel

[53:04] your cart spins out of control if you run over a carrot peel what I loved is that you made it a

[53:08] Mario Kart thing as if that was where banana peels being slipped on came from whereas I was

[53:13] going to say that they were watching Mario and instead of a mushroom making him bigger a carrot

[53:17] makes him bigger and it's the carrot kingdom and toad has a carrot on his head which looks just

[53:23] like a clam that'd be crazy that'd be crazy this is some kind of strange world where pizzas are

[53:29] not made with tomato sauce with carrot sauce dad give us another carrot thing uh carrots are used to

[53:36] stab people I guess this bit just died okay way to kill it Dan I almost think you did that on

[53:42] purpose well I think that was going on a little long Dan is to the carrot bit as President Trump

[53:47] is to Obamacare you're deliberately sabotaging the bit Dan by refusing to provide the funds or

[53:53] in this case jokes that it needs to survive I apologize Dan our carrot joke exchanges need

[53:58] federal intervention if they're going to support it you're taking away carrot joke

[54:02] for millions of Americans I promise to pull us out of the trans carrot partnership so

[54:08] that's going to leave China as the only major carrot trading partner in Asia

[54:12] in the Pacific they've been they've been biting our carrots for too long

[54:17] uh I think I understand what you're saying Gina Gershon drops off the DNA test and then passes

[54:25] out in her car on the least busy street in the history of streets yeah I feel like you like pulled

[54:29] into a parking lot all asleep and we've all been there you know it's tough it's a tough life to

[54:34] sleep off a juice she suspects the carrot juice and she's right that's when right she walks home

[54:40] to a huge surprise baby shower full of people we've never seen before which I mean is fair

[54:45] a movie about I mean it's good that she slept exactly long enough to make it to the baby shower

[54:50] and it's also at this point it's like Nicolas Cage I think part of the problem here is you're

[54:54] not letting your wife be a part of this baby's life she wasn't there to name it she wasn't there

[54:59] to organize the baby shower who would throw a surprise baby shower listeners if you've ever

[55:03] attended or thrown or been the subject of a surprise baby shower let me know because the

[55:07] last thing you want to do for a woman who's that far along in pregnancy give her a big surprise

[55:12] that's going to throw her into into some kind of shock of some kind the same way that it's like

[55:16] hey guy with a heart attack we're going to throw you a surprise birthday party we're just going to

[55:21] scream at you all of a sudden do you think that Nicolas Cage is like well if I kind of started off

[55:27] at like a really irritating level she'll let me get away with lesser infractions later on

[55:33] like what what is he building up to maybe wants to buy a second motorcycle okay interesting well

[55:40] what I do like is when she shows up and she starts freaking out and accusing Katie of

[55:45] drugging her Nicolas Cage kicks everybody in the party out all right get out of here let's go

[55:51] parties yeah and they didn't do anything it's not their fault no and although again what's gonna

[55:56] what's gonna go uneaten I have to assume another huge platter of fried chicken laid out for their

[56:00] guests they're gonna say fried carrots that'd be crazy Dan why would he say that why would I

[56:06] possibly say that that's true what in my past behavior has led you to believe I would ever

[56:11] make a comment like that about carrots of all things a vegetable which I don't have to make

[56:18] the case here is not something you would regularly juice all the time she anyway he

[56:24] throws everyone out he says you're on drugs let's get out of here and and that just reminded me

[56:30] early on when they were uh when they were first like hanging out with Katie and they're talking

[56:34] about her family and she's like I never I never knew my father my mother was addicted to drugs

[56:41] and that was like the way she says it felt like somebody who doesn't actually understands what

[56:46] drugs are yeah like I don't know like it felt like something where she would have been slightly

[56:52] more specific but I don't know maybe I'm maybe I'm just making stuff up maybe I'm on drugs drugs

[57:00] all of the drugs I guess sure addicted to all of them heroin ecstasy penicillin all the drugs

[57:06] those herbal supplements you use oh yeah St. John's get an erection uh what would those be

[57:12] I don't know made out of carrots it is one of the more phallic of the vegetables

[57:16] it's not true there's a shit ton of phallic vegetables you got a parsnip

[57:20] you got a first one you went to not cucumber cucumber I went to zucchini too that's pretty

[57:26] close eggplant summer squash summer squash what about winter squash winter squash they're too fat

[57:32] okay like a butternut squash doesn't look enough like yeah it's more of a joke your penis doesn't

[57:36] have a classic butternut squash hourglass shape interesting learning about Dan's penis that it's

[57:41] not shaped like a butternut squash broccolini yeah that's right yeah big head of cauliflower

[57:48] big head on it I guess anyway that's gross um uh then Nicolas Cage is like I'm not in the next

[57:56] scene I'm out of here and walks away and Katie reveals everything to Gina Gershon she felt

[58:02] betrayed that all these women who sacrificed nothing to get their babies where she sacrificed

[58:07] everything then hired some other stranger to watch them and Gina Gershon's like get away from

[58:11] me I have a knife in my hand and classic move Katie walks into the knife and stabs herself just

[58:18] like an unforgettable and then starts banging her head against the counter yeah and there's a

[58:21] struggle and Gina Gershon gets stabbed and uh Nicolas Cage is like oh no and they're both in

[58:28] the hospital and Nicolas Cage gets the DNA results and she says he says Katie and they and they say

[58:34] there's bad news about Gina Gershon uh I'm assuming that there was a scene that was cut

[58:39] for time where the doctor's like I think something's up with Katie and Nicolas Cage is like that's

[58:45] impossible my wife stabbed her and she hit her head a bunch of times and the doctor's like have

[58:49] you ever seen that scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton does that to get out of getting

[58:55] fired I thought you didn't say have you ever seen that scene in Unforgettable wait wait what what

[59:00] movie I don't remember if I saw that or not uh and gets the news that and Nicolas Cage tells Katie

[59:06] that Gina Gershon has died of her stab wounds I mean I think he just walks up and shakes his head

[59:12] oh that's all he does and you're like I don't know what that means in the context of what happens

[59:17] later it's very commonly revealed that Katie has had it's like Nicolas Cage is like I can't lie

[59:23] there's like he has done he's made a vow to himself that he'll never lie so he has to just

[59:28] do this misdirection and uh they say Katie you have to have a c-section right now and she says

[59:34] your wife's with your wife away now I love you and she forces a kiss on him president trump style

[59:40] and or and uh the or I don't know al franken style whatever whatever way they do it

[59:44] and uh he's like oh so disgusted cut to after delivery he takes Katie to see baby Gabriel in

[59:52] the in the baby holding pen and I've been where all the babies fight each other don't remember

[59:57] what the name is where Gabriel has already

[1:00:00] beaten up the biggest baby to establish dominance as the advice you get

[1:00:04] and he says

[1:00:05] she's like oh he's beautiful and take a look

[1:00:08] once you see it

[1:00:08] such a last

[1:00:10] and he walks into the nursery and holds the baby

[1:00:12] but katie's locked out and gina gershon walks in she wasn't dead uh oh

[1:00:17] looks like the mouse has trapped the cat

[1:00:20] trap sprung

[1:00:21] i love that nicholas cage's eyeballs explode and you're like she'll never see anything again

[1:00:27] i'm like nicholas cage is for some reason like i had to punk you

[1:00:32] like there's no real point for maximum vengeance dude

[1:00:35] i guess

[1:00:36] well of course

[1:00:38] i just give her

[1:00:38] give her a little taste of your own medicine because i'm a doctor of surprises

[1:00:43] i'm a doctor of revenge

[1:00:45] i've got an m.d. in turning about being fair play and i got a p.h.d. in what

[1:00:49] goes around comes around okay we get it nick we understand

[1:00:53] i've got a master's in best serve cold

[1:00:57] and then i've got a second master in payback's a bitch

[1:01:01] i want a double master he's probably still paying off those student loans

[1:01:05] i am and i minored in karma

[1:01:08] and i minored in pottery

[1:01:10] and i did take a turkish cooking class

[1:01:14] i didn't get like it's not an official degree but it's like a certificate they print out for you

[1:01:18] there's a picture of tabbouleh or something on it

[1:01:23] what do they eat in turkey i don't remember i took the class but

[1:01:25] honestly i was studying for my master's degree in payback's a bitch

[1:01:29] so i wasn't really focusing on the turkish cooking

[1:01:31] anyway so makes you a more well rounded person the point is you got burnt and you'll never see the baby again

[1:01:37] and katie's like no no and the police show up and the next we see katie she's in an insane

[1:01:41] asylum

[1:01:42] i have to assume arkham

[1:01:44] she's like i'll escape and get the babies

[1:01:48] all of the babies

[1:01:49] she's now baby girl the uh the baby themed batman villain

[1:01:53] she's gonna team up with calendar man and killer croc

[1:01:55] what's gonna happen to her daughter

[1:01:58] uh oh she gets adopted by nicholas cage and gina hirschhahn

[1:02:03] i guess that's okay

[1:02:04] and the next we cut to nicholas cage jogging home as we saw him doing in the beginning

[1:02:08] and for a moment i was like wait a minute

[1:02:10] did he just dream this whole movie while he was jogging

[1:02:12] yeah like if he just walks in he goes

[1:02:15] honey i had the craziest dream

[1:02:16] it was inconceivable

[1:02:19] cut to smash cut

[1:02:21] nicholas cage will return in inconceivable 2 another jogging dream but that doesn't happen

[1:02:26] instead he walks in gina hirschhahn is taking a nap with the two daughters

[1:02:30] and their son gabriel they now have three kids

[1:02:33] one of them they didn't even have to do anything for uh

[1:02:36] well i mean they had to survive a killer

[1:02:39] and gives gina hirschhahn a locket with the pictures of all three of the kids that she goes

[1:02:43] oh it's beautiful thank you and the movie leaves me wondering

[1:02:46] was that really a good enough sorry i didn't believe you when we had a killer nanny present

[1:02:51] like as far as makeup yeah he's still got to be paying for that shit yeah

[1:02:55] like remember it was stopped by zales honey

[1:02:57] whenever a basketball player keeps on his wife he buys her like a fancy expensive ring

[1:03:02] like does this locket makeup for that i don't know it's not that pretty a lock

[1:03:07] it is not and the pictures he chose of the kids not the best to be honest

[1:03:11] of the baby i get it it's hard to take a really good picture of a newborn baby

[1:03:15] they're weird looking yeah there's only one master and gettys but you have to travel

[1:03:24] to the top of the himalayan mountain to find her in her secluded studio

[1:03:29] where she does strange and bizarre things with babies

[1:03:32] to get those footages of them inside of watermelons or butternut squashes

[1:03:36] or other non-penis shaped plants and gettys that's a name i haven't heard in a long time

[1:03:43] she's she's at a forge hammering a costume for a baby that makes it look like baby

[1:03:49] looking strawberry like anne getty and she turns and has a long beard how'd you find me

[1:03:56] i told you i was done i was done with all that we need someone to take a picture of a baby

[1:04:01] dressed up as a little four-leaf clover to save the president's life you're the only one who can

[1:04:05] do it yeah uh so now we do final judgments inconceivable whether this was a good bad

[1:04:12] movie a bad bad movie or a movie panel likes uh stewart what do you think uh i think this movie

[1:04:20] verges on good bad at times um it's probably closer to a bad bad but i think there's some

[1:04:28] moments of good bad so if you're like if you're just thirsty for a good bad and you want to pop

[1:04:33] something in this won't be the best thing hopefully you'll have something else to fill out that double

[1:04:38] feature yeah but it's it's pretty goofy if you pop it in with some pals to watch it and laugh at

[1:04:44] the goofs uh you won't have the greatest time of all time but you won't have a bad time yeah it's

[1:04:48] a it's a it's a lower level good bad yeah no i'll make it three marginal good bad uh and i i think

[1:04:54] i'm just a sucker for these like weird hand that rocks the cradle-esque uh domestic thrillers the

[1:05:00] movie about orson welles's play being shut down uh that's the cradle will rock oh right yeah hand

[1:05:07] that rocks the cradle that's the one about that's like another like a hand no i know it's the one

[1:05:12] about a killer nanny yeah all right yeah there it's they are it's considering it's a situation

[1:05:17] that i don't know if it's ever happened it seems inconceivable but also unforgettable that and

[1:05:26] maybe limitless and also 10 000 bc and jonah hex yeah

[1:05:41] hi everybody i'm justin mcelroy and i'm dr sydney mcelroy every week we release a medical history

[1:05:46] podcast called saw bones we go over the history of the dumbest grossest weirdest stuff humans

[1:05:52] have been doing to each other since the dawn of mankind but it's a funny show but it's also so

[1:05:58] disgusting and stomach turning you won't believe it but it's also like funny it's funny it is the

[1:06:06] wildest grossest nastiest stuff you can imagine it's a real hoot it's called saw bones and we

[1:06:12] release it every week on itunes wherever podcasts are sold and right here on maximum fun.org

[1:06:25] hey max fun listeners it's jesse the founder of maximum fun.org i have some pretty incredible

[1:06:31] holiday news for you so you remember last year's max fun drive we offered pins for all of our shows

[1:06:38] to folks who donated and we agreed to donate all of the net revenue from the pins to the los angeles

[1:06:46] regional food bank well i just yesterday had the chance to hand a giant check to a representative

[1:06:54] from the food bank you're not going to believe how much money you gave to give needy families food

[1:07:01] over one hundred thousand dollars one hundred thousand three hundred and sixty five dollars

[1:07:09] to be specific that means nearly half a million meals for families who need food this year i'm

[1:07:17] really proud of every single maximum fun donor who made this possible it's a remarkable achievement a

[1:07:25] beautiful thing it completely obliterated my idea and expectation of what we might be able to do

[1:07:32] this year so as you head into 2018 please be proud of what this amazing community did for hungry

[1:07:39] families in the los angeles area where max fun is based if you'd like to keep the love rolling

[1:07:45] go to lafoodbank.org maximum fun that's lafoodbank.org maximum fun and you can make

[1:07:54] a tax deductible donation there every dollar that you give means four meals for needy families

[1:08:01] thanks to all of you who support everything that we do

[1:08:04] and thanks for your incredible contribution to folks who need it here in our hometown

[1:08:18] we've got a couple of sponsors oh boy thanks sponsors for paying us money and we'll talk

[1:08:22] about your products and they're great including a new sponsor and that's rx bar support from the

[1:08:27] flop house comes in part from rx bar a whole food protein bar made with 100 whole ingredients no

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[1:08:41] got a bunch of crap in them and you don't know what it is and they've got like a huge number of

[1:08:45] calories rx bar what it's got is three egg whites two dates six almonds and a little bit of flavoring

[1:08:54] and that's it and uh i i we got some samples i quite liked them uh i'm trying to lose a little

[1:09:02] bit of weight i had no get out of here you look great thanks buddy thanks for thanks for that

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[1:09:41] guess it doesn't make sense to plug it but uh we had a lot of comedy central they'll rerun it

[1:09:46] over and over again true uh we had a lot of crap to eat and our one of our producers mike falvo was

[1:09:53] a great guy he said you know what reading too much unhealthy stuff and he went out and got a

[1:09:57] bunch of boxes of rx bars and everybody started

[1:10:00] feeling better because they weren't so weighed down and feeling gross eating

[1:10:04] like Fritos all the time yeah I mean Fritos for breakfast is crazy I know

[1:10:09] they weren't for breakfast it's like for snacks around you know but would it be

[1:10:13] crazy it's queso okay Frito Cheerio they have the same last name can't be that

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[1:11:00] at checkout and we're also sponsored by an old favorite

[1:11:06] Mack Weldon my favorites I'm wearing Mack Weldon's right now I think I think

[1:11:11] I am too actually let me tell you it's pants down let me see yep they're there

[1:11:16] yep my testicles are so beautifully in this Mack Weldon underwear so right

[1:11:22] Mack well I have both the the freedom of movement and the airiness but also I

[1:11:27] feel secure like I'm not gonna fall out of them is that direct copy you're

[1:11:31] they're dedicated to making underwear but also socks shirts undershirts hoodies

[1:11:39] and sweatpants that look and feel great they believe in smart design premium

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[1:11:48] you don't like your first pair you can keep it and they will still refund you

[1:11:52] no questions asked here's how I would explain how happy I'm with how I feel

[1:11:58] I'm like a trapeze artist who is swinging free in the air but I know that

[1:12:04] nets below me I'm not afraid I'm just enjoying the exhilarating feeling a

[1:12:10] freedom of movement you know I'm like brain Lucy's bird in space I'm just pure

[1:12:15] energy movement and I don't have to worry about anything that I worry about

[1:12:19] with regular underpants normally yeah normally you're you're sweating bullets

[1:12:23] normally I'm sweating bullets like the Megadeth song about the same of the same

[1:12:27] name which is about too tight underwear yeah I'm worried about my sperm count

[1:12:30] because like I don't want these that there's a reason these things are in a

[1:12:33] sack that hangs below me because it shouldn't be too close to my body heat

[1:12:37] okay that's why the squirrel exists and I thought was to give people a natural

[1:12:44] weak point that every good creature designer yeah yeah I read that in Rick

[1:12:51] Baker's autobiography and also just throughout the day that regular

[1:12:55] underpants it just gets constricting you know but Mack Weldon's all day it

[1:12:58] feels good we got a special deal for listeners go to Mack Weldon comm and get

[1:13:03] 20% off using promo code flop do you think they didn't want me to use the

[1:13:08] word scrotum and I mean it's what we're talking about I mean they can't run away

[1:13:14] from what their product does I mean it's there to cradle your scrotum that's the

[1:13:19] whole point isn't it although maybe they created a product to cover up scrotums

[1:13:23] because they don't want people to talk about it yeah mr. Weldon is like I hate

[1:13:29] scrotums I have to cover up hideous I mean it is hideous but yeah what do we

[1:13:37] do next and as we got a jumbo drawn I thought I had time to look at my phone

[1:13:41] because uh Stewart was gonna say you didn't want to be engaged in the rest in

[1:13:45] the okay I'm looking up something for later in the show yep Dan's over on

[1:13:49] Pornhub so we got a j-j-j-jumbo Tron oh this is awesome okay cool enjoy

[1:13:56] cinematic failure then check out Nathan Raven's happy place

[1:14:01] wonderful it's author former AV club and the dissolved staffer and flop house

[1:14:07] superfan Nathan Raven's online home and the new home of his formerly popular

[1:14:13] column my world of flops and Nathan Raven's happy cast Nathan's new podcast

[1:14:20] with Clint Worthington plus lots of stuff it's quite good so please visit

[1:14:26] Nathan Raven comm and subscribe to Nathan Raven's happy cast on iTunes it

[1:14:31] would not be an exaggeration to call Nathan Raven a friend of the show he's

[1:14:36] been very good to us over the years yeah wonderful written a lot of articles

[1:14:40] about the flop house and I've been reading his articles not about the flop

[1:14:44] house for years and years yeah and what like what was it about two years ago the

[1:14:50] dissolve split up and I get it generally like it takes a lot of work for me to

[1:14:57] track down where all those writers are still are still writing and so it's nice

[1:15:03] of Nathan to put this out there so you can find one of those writers yeah so

[1:15:08] yeah definitely check that out this is more than just a jumbotron yeah but

[1:15:13] other jumbotrons check out those too but uh but this one especially uh before we

[1:15:17] get into the next segment I wanted to remind listeners that there's a new flop

[1:15:22] house comic book out what's going on there what's the story there well tell

[1:15:29] us about it because it's your comic so it's the third in a series of three

[1:15:32] short stories that we wrote on the theme of love on the theme of love and

[1:15:37] romance and being that it's us LH was about superheroes Dan is about his own

[1:15:44] natural loneliness and and mine is about a couple of adventurers in a fantasy

[1:15:53] world who kind of get set up on a little blind date yeah to go to go exploring a

[1:16:01] dungeon and the art is all provided by the incredibly talented Kelsey Rix and

[1:16:09] covered by Tom Fowler and all the like all the stories in this series all of

[1:16:15] the money is going to the unidos disaster relief for Puerto Rico mm-hmm

[1:16:22] that the people that definitely still need a ton of help even though you're

[1:16:27] not seeing about it on TV all the time it's still they just I mean they still

[1:16:33] need a lot of money it's it Puerto Rico is still in such bad shape and they so

[1:16:37] need our help and need for anyone who's listening this who's American those are

[1:16:41] fellow Americans who need us and are not getting the help that they deserve and

[1:16:44] this is a small way that you can help and read a great story from Stewart

[1:16:48] thanks check it out at flop house calm podcast calm not flop house calm that's

[1:16:55] something else we don't know what it is yeah it's true look go to the flop house

[1:16:59] website URL TBD and and you'll find a comment but now we turn to everybody's

[1:17:08] second favorite part of the show letters from listeners first part everyone's

[1:17:14] first favorite part of the show is the song that goes into letters people love

[1:17:20] it it's their favorite part consistently topping the polls consistently everyone

[1:17:26] rolls all the way to the song when they get a new episode they see the movie

[1:17:31] discussion and hit skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip skip is

[1:17:36] the song starting no skip skip skip skip skip skip let's skip it along to the

[1:17:40] song to listen any other way would feel so wrong cuz the song is the favorite

[1:17:46] part of the episode it's that flop house letters song pop house letters

[1:17:52] gonna read them right now in a minute but first we'll have a song like the one

[1:17:57] from mr. Belvedere just like this you know sometimes letters come to the flop

[1:18:02] house but first you gotta sing a song about them and then there's the letters

[1:18:06] for the flop house whatever happened to the regular fluff has song now it sounds

[1:18:11] like we just did this on the Fifty Shades Darker I certainly didn't do mr.

[1:18:23] Belvedere then did I I think we did yeah well we have a relatively we have a

[1:18:30] relatively limited pool of references here yeah okay let me do a flop house

[1:18:37] letters parody of the odd couple song doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo too

[1:18:42] lately about this before but there's something about like 70s sitcom music

[1:18:47] that just fucking bums me out so hardcore like that time like Charlene

[1:18:52] will be like oh man I'm kind of tired or down I'm gonna go to my happy place and

[1:18:57] watch some episodes of fucking taxi and I'm like yeah and I'm like I think the

[1:19:06] last of those was maybe what the Cheers theme yeah pretty wistful wistful for

[1:19:12] another time and like life's hard go with your drinking buddies your bar fly

[1:19:17] the only time you're happy is when you're sucking down some booze

[1:19:22] life is hard so go with some drinking buddies your bar fly you wanna go where

[1:19:30] you can drink yourself into a stupor dum-dum-dum-dum and now they're all by

[1:19:35] like you made of your life now they're all like they might be giant songs right

[1:19:41] guys yeah everything's about tossed salad and scrambled eggs oh man that's

[1:19:46] really do theme songs it's like it'll be like that's the whole thing yeah yeah

[1:19:53] unless it's 30 Rock and it's like no there's a lot of those

[1:20:00] So it's like the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt one.

[1:20:03] Oh, well, that's unbreakable.

[1:20:04] Yeah, that's because the music's done with the same person.

[1:20:06] Oh, OK.

[1:20:07] Or it's like a comparable Jeff Richman, Mr.

[1:20:10] Tina Fey or like craziest girlfriend as a new song each season.

[1:20:16] Those are great.

[1:20:17] Oh, I haven't watched the second season yet.

[1:20:19] You totally should.

[1:20:20] Aren't you like friends with her husband or something?

[1:20:22] We knew each other in college and then we interned at the Daily Show together.

[1:20:25] So you're not friends is what you're saying.

[1:20:27] Now that I'm back in L.A., I should get in touch with him.

[1:20:29] If anyone knows Dan Greger, let him know.

[1:20:31] I need to get in touch with him.

[1:20:32] Sure.

[1:20:35] So let's do letters.

[1:20:36] I'm the guy.

[1:20:37] This is from Randall.

[1:20:38] Last name withheld.

[1:20:40] Randall Thor?

[1:20:42] The Dragon Reborn?

[1:20:44] Randall's Island?

[1:20:45] I'm the guy who wrote.

[1:20:46] Yeah, Dan.

[1:20:47] Randall's Island.

[1:20:49] I wish the listeners could see my eyes roll 480 degrees out of my head.

[1:20:55] I'm the guy who wrote asking what movie memorabilia would inspire them

[1:20:58] to break the bank.

[1:20:58] I'm happy that Elliot was able to obtain a Gertie the Dinosaur.

[1:21:02] And I hope he is able to trog Gzunderhate.

[1:21:07] Ask him what that means.

[1:21:08] I don't know.

[1:21:09] Do you know, Stewart?

[1:21:10] No.

[1:21:11] All right.

[1:21:11] I mean, it's probably it sounds Yiddish-y, so maybe that's why he's asking.

[1:21:15] Which case, Randall, thank you for making it possible for me to get that Gertie.

[1:21:17] But I don't appreciate the stereotyping about my native language.

[1:21:21] I'm an American and I speak English.

[1:21:24] I have another question.

[1:21:25] It sounds kind of Dutch, too.

[1:21:26] I mean, it also could be trollish.

[1:21:28] I don't know.

[1:21:28] Yeah.

[1:21:29] Yeah.

[1:21:30] I have another question, and I've been thinking about this

[1:21:32] since listening to the October scary movie episode a long time ago.

[1:21:36] As I'm getting older, I'm finding fewer horror movies that scare me.

[1:21:39] Oh, excluding documentaries.

[1:21:41] What is a movie that legitimately scares you?

[1:21:44] Are they horror movies or more realistic slash dramatic movies?

[1:21:48] Is The Shining or Aliens still able to scare you upon repeat viewings?

[1:21:52] I did watch a Korean movie called The Wailing, and I found that very scary.

[1:21:56] Thanks, and I sincerely hope you all have a great new year.

[1:21:59] Randall, last name withheld.

[1:22:02] Yeah, movies still scare me all the time.

[1:22:03] It Follows scared me like crazy.

[1:22:05] Really? Yeah.

[1:22:06] I liked It Follows, but I found it.

[1:22:08] I just I more took pleasure in it this year.

[1:22:11] You identified more with the following creature.

[1:22:15] Why won't you give him a chance?

[1:22:17] Stop running.

[1:22:18] I guess that scene where they were like it was trying to get into the like the barn

[1:22:22] or whatever it was, I found that very scary.

[1:22:24] That's one of my least favorite.

[1:22:25] There's I find the I have a lot of bad dreams that involve being chased

[1:22:30] by a thing that keeps going through.

[1:22:32] It cannot I cannot shake.

[1:22:33] So maybe that was it.

[1:22:34] That's a primordial fear that it tapped into.

[1:22:38] That's weird.

[1:22:38] Most of my dreams lately are caused by the two cats

[1:22:42] that are wrestling around on top of me on the bed, and they are very strange dreams.

[1:22:48] I think the last movie that really scared me, this is a little while back now.

[1:22:52] It was The Descent.

[1:22:54] That really fucked me up.

[1:22:56] Oh, you mean the movie where it is terrifying

[1:22:59] because they're trapped underground before monsters show up?

[1:23:02] Exactly. It actually gets less scary.

[1:23:04] Yes. You see the monsters.

[1:23:05] You're like, please show me how to get out of here.

[1:23:09] Finally, I can ask for direction.

[1:23:11] Yeah. You're like, oh, great.

[1:23:12] It's capable of sustaining life down here.

[1:23:14] That's nice.

[1:23:15] I do a horror movie double feature every October, and I usually pick like a fun

[1:23:19] horror movie.

[1:23:20] And then one year I picked The Descent and everyone was horrified.

[1:23:24] It's not fun enough.

[1:23:26] Yeah, I mean, I find, you know,

[1:23:29] I'm I think I'm a pretty easy audience with horror movies.

[1:23:32] I I kind of get scared easily.

[1:23:35] I like to look at speakers.

[1:23:36] What? Bears out.

[1:23:39] Yeah, I think it's because I have a pretty active imagination.

[1:23:45] But I mean, I think I think the scariest movie

[1:23:49] the scariest movie I saw this year was I feel more like a difficult movie.

[1:23:54] And that was that was Hounds of Love,

[1:23:57] which is probably going to I'm still trying to figure out

[1:24:01] my favorite movies of the year.

[1:24:03] But I feel like that was easily one of the most memorable experiences

[1:24:06] I had this year.

[1:24:07] The top ten list you're writing for BuzzFeed. Yeah.

[1:24:12] Hey, guys, I just got hired by BuzzFeed to write one top ten list.

[1:24:17] No, but I don't know.

[1:24:18] Like, I can't help it.

[1:24:20] I mean, I like to make lists. I like to make lists. Yeah.

[1:24:22] Yeah. You're a regular high fidelity. Mm hmm. That's mean.

[1:24:25] I find that. Yeah, it's I find movies are creepy to me more than life.

[1:24:30] That's scary. I mean, I'm clearly Jack Black in high fidelity.

[1:24:33] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[1:24:33] You're the nerdy guy.

[1:24:35] Dan is John Cusack.

[1:24:36] But I get to I end up with what was Gilbert at the end?

[1:24:40] Probably. Yeah, that's fine.

[1:24:41] I don't remember that movie that well. Yeah, that's what happens.

[1:24:43] But the I'm OK with that.

[1:24:45] The I think there's there are movies like The Witch or

[1:24:50] like Creep, where I can't wait.

[1:24:52] Which one? There's a couple of creeps.

[1:24:54] The first one that the are you talking about with the Duplass one?

[1:24:58] Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[1:24:59] Not the not the TLC song.

[1:25:02] No, no. There's one where there's a creature in the subways.

[1:25:05] Oh, no, that not that one.

[1:25:06] The Duplass one.

[1:25:07] Yeah, that TLC song is fucking awesome.

[1:25:09] But the it's not scary, though.

[1:25:12] It's like I'm not scared while watching the movie,

[1:25:14] but it's eerie enough that afterwards my imagination starts taking over.

[1:25:18] And I'm like, I'll be lying in bed and just thinking like Duplass

[1:25:22] going to get me like Duplass is going to walk through that door right now

[1:25:24] wearing that wolf mask.

[1:25:25] And I don't know what to do. Yeah.

[1:25:27] Yeah, it was a pretty creepy movie.

[1:25:29] Lived up to the title.

[1:25:31] The titular creep was a creep.

[1:25:35] Well, thanks for the letter.

[1:25:37] Thanks, Randall.

[1:25:37] And thanks for inspiring my my, you know, new favorite object that I own.

[1:25:43] The next letter is from Eli.

[1:25:44] Last name withheld.

[1:25:46] Eli Lilly.

[1:25:47] That's right.

[1:25:50] Despite you guys being my favorite podcast.

[1:25:52] Thanks. I'm not into movies at all.

[1:25:54] All right. My friend, however, is an aspiring.

[1:25:57] Do it not into movies.

[1:25:58] All this means doesn't watch them ever like hates them.

[1:26:00] I mean, this is a conversation letter.

[1:26:02] I don't like Eli.

[1:26:05] What does that mean?

[1:26:07] What do you get from?

[1:26:08] Well, kind of change.

[1:26:11] Kind of TV is the new movies.

[1:26:13] So maybe he's also not into TV.

[1:26:15] That's true. And music is the new food.

[1:26:18] So think about how does it feel about music to survive?

[1:26:21] Yeah. And 40 is the new 20, which means that we need to eat a lot of, I guess.

[1:26:26] So 40 ounce now only have 20 ounces in it or is the other way around?

[1:26:30] If you're drinking, we'll get to this later.

[1:26:32] OK, yeah. Dan, the letter.

[1:26:33] So he doesn't like movies.

[1:26:34] Yes. My friend, however, is an aspiring director

[1:26:37] who's actually made some pretty banging short films with candlelight

[1:26:40] with candlelights popping off.

[1:26:42] I was hoping you guys could give me a little insight into what to get her.

[1:26:46] Do you know any good books about directing or movies or really anything

[1:26:49] that isn't just like buy her a movie set?

[1:26:51] Do you buy movie sets?

[1:26:53] God, probably. What's a movie like the place they shoot a movie?

[1:26:56] I have no idea what you say.

[1:26:58] I'm so lost.

[1:26:59] And I just spent half an hour desperately googling every movie buzzword

[1:27:02] from your podcast.

[1:27:03] Water. You know that?

[1:27:04] I don't know. Maybe.

[1:27:07] Anyway. All right.

[1:27:08] Well, that water distraction.

[1:27:11] So I am so lost and just spent half an hour

[1:27:12] desperately googling every movie buzzword from your podcast.

[1:27:14] Keep it real, Eli.

[1:27:16] Yeah, that's the end of the. Yes.

[1:27:18] We'll get to that.

[1:27:19] Her favorite series is The Hobbit, Lord of the Ring movies,

[1:27:21] but she already has every single one and all of the behind the scenes stuff.

[1:27:24] Please save me.

[1:27:25] I wonder if so.

[1:27:26] There's a bunch of good movies about a bunch of good movies.

[1:27:30] There's a bunch of good books about making movies.

[1:27:32] Yeah. Like if she hasn't read like Rebel without a camera,

[1:27:35] Robert Rodriguez movie about making El Mariachi on a super low budget.

[1:27:40] Or there's movies about big budget movie making that are really good,

[1:27:43] like The Devil's Candy about the making of of Bonfire of the Vanities.

[1:27:49] There's a famous book.

[1:27:50] When the shooting starts, the cutting begins about editing by Ralph Rosenbaum.

[1:27:54] Yeah, that's actually that's a great that's a fantastic book.

[1:27:57] Sidney Lumet had a book called Making Movies, I think,

[1:27:59] about his process of making movies like there's a bunch of good

[1:28:03] good books that are either about the making of specific movies

[1:28:06] and you can pick up lessons from it or they're literally about

[1:28:08] here's how you make a movie.

[1:28:09] I mean, Lloyd Crawford never read.

[1:28:11] Yeah, or the it came from the video aisle, the full moon pictures.

[1:28:15] Yeah, that too.

[1:28:16] I like the two Mark Harris books, Pictures at a Revolution and Five Came Back.

[1:28:21] There's also there's a book called The Evil Dead Companion

[1:28:23] about the making the Evil Dead movies that I found surprisingly touching.

[1:28:27] And that, like, is about how they how a bunch of friends got together

[1:28:31] and made those first two Evil Dead movies.

[1:28:32] Yeah, there's that.

[1:28:34] Yeah, Pictures of Revolution is really good.

[1:28:36] Five Came Back is really good.

[1:28:38] There's a movie.

[1:28:38] There's a book called Final Cut.

[1:28:40] That's really good.

[1:28:41] That involves, among other things, the Heaven's Gate debacle

[1:28:44] and how that screwed up that studio.

[1:28:46] There's the book The Studio by, was it Philip Gregory Dunn?

[1:28:50] Is that his name? Yeah, that's him.

[1:28:52] That where he just spent a year at 20th Century Fox in the late 60s.

[1:28:57] And I wrote about it.

[1:28:58] It also sounds like your friend is an aspiring director

[1:29:01] who's already done some directing.

[1:29:03] Maybe your friend needs one of those giant director bullhorns.

[1:29:06] Yeah, or those Jodhpurs.

[1:29:08] Or a big clapper.

[1:29:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:29:11] Here's what, yeah, a Jodhpurs, a big bullhorn, a beret

[1:29:16] and a folding chair.

[1:29:18] But not one that folds up like a regular folding chair,

[1:29:20] folds sideways like a director's chair.

[1:29:22] Yeah, OK.

[1:29:24] If you got them a director's chair with their name on the back,

[1:29:26] that'd be a pretty sweet gift.

[1:29:27] That'd be awesome.

[1:29:28] Why do they all use those chairs?

[1:29:30] They're not the most comfortable chairs.

[1:29:31] They're very easy to move around and set up.

[1:29:33] Yeah. And you're constantly moving the chairs

[1:29:34] because you're constantly changing setups.

[1:29:36] That's true. Yeah.

[1:29:37] Well, that was not a funny answer, but it is a real answer.

[1:29:40] Accurate. Very easy to move.

[1:29:43] And the people who move them get very frustrated

[1:29:45] if you try to move them yourself to save them trouble.

[1:29:47] They're like, that's my job. Just let me do that.

[1:29:48] It's a union gig. Probably.

[1:29:51] Yeah. It's an onion gig.

[1:29:54] OK, so I hope that those help.

[1:29:58] That was a long list.

[1:29:59] So I hope that other people.

[1:30:00] who are interested in maybe like movie books, got a little help from that too.

[1:30:05] This last one is from Doc, last name withheld.

[1:30:07] Doc Brown.

[1:30:08] Okay.

[1:30:09] Marty, we gotta go back to the past. I love your podcast.

[1:30:15] It's getting to be that wintry time of the year when I like to curl up by the fireplace and watch

[1:30:20] my favorite, so bad it's good, Christmas movie, Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever,

[1:30:25] starring Aubrey Plaza as the voice of Grumpy Cat. Some of the best casting ever.

[1:30:29] I like that it's not gender traditional. I think a lot of people assumed Grumpy Cat was a male cat.

[1:30:33] Yeah. My wife insists that the movie is so bad it's terrible

[1:30:37] and has begged me not to watch it again this year.

[1:30:40] So what are some other options for bad, good Christmas movies?

[1:30:43] Alternately, are there any movies that would not necessarily be considered Christmas canon,

[1:30:48] but that really evoke the spirit and true meaning of the season?

[1:30:51] Gremlins.

[1:30:52] Dan, don't start in on your diehard bullshit.

[1:30:55] Dan, we all consider diehard a Christmas movie.

[1:30:58] I mean, he did say parentheses like diehard, and I omitted that from the letter just because I

[1:31:02] didn't want to get into that.

[1:31:03] Yeah, because you want to be the only one telling everybody at the bar that diehard's

[1:31:07] a Christmas movie.

[1:31:08] So anyway, Gremlins.

[1:31:10] Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

[1:31:13] I've never seen that.

[1:31:14] Yeah, it's a Christmas. That's a great Christmas movie.

[1:31:16] Diehard 2, that's a Christmas movie as well.

[1:31:21] One part of The Thin Man is set at Christmas.

[1:31:23] These are not so bad.

[1:31:24] They're good.

[1:31:25] These are good movies.

[1:31:26] Yeah, yeah.

[1:31:26] Uh, so those are non-traditional Christmas movies.

[1:31:29] Or like, you know, Halloween is a very non-traditional Christmas movie set at Halloween.

[1:31:35] Or like Born on the Fourth of July, non-traditional Christmas.

[1:31:39] If you're looking for a bad, bad Christmas movie, you can just watch fucking A Christmas Story.

[1:31:44] Oh, wow.

[1:31:45] What?

[1:31:45] Yeah, it's not a good movie.

[1:31:47] With Ralphie and everything?

[1:31:48] Yeah, I don't like that movie.

[1:31:49] No, I like that movie.

[1:31:50] That's a good movie.

[1:31:51] Okay, whatever.

[1:31:52] We can agree to disagree on this one.

[1:31:54] Also by Bob Clark, you watch Black Christmas.

[1:31:57] Yeah, that's great.

[1:31:59] So one movie that is a good, bad Christmas movie that Hallie and I think you, Elliot,

[1:32:07] introduced me to was Single Santa Seeking Mrs. Claus.

[1:32:09] Oh, yeah, that's one of Hallie's favorites.

[1:32:11] It was starring Steve Guttenberg as Santa Claus's son.

[1:32:13] Yeah, and Crystal Barnard as the love interest.

[1:32:16] Yeah, who becomes Mrs. Claus by the second movie in which they're expecting a child.

[1:32:20] Oh, really? There's a sequel?

[1:32:21] Oh, I got to see that.

[1:32:22] A sequel, you might call it if there were chipmunks in it, but there are not.

[1:32:26] Yeah.

[1:32:26] There's a very...

[1:32:27] And in fact, this gets me into my favorite type of Christmas movie.

[1:32:29] Look, let's just get one thing straight.

[1:32:31] I don't give a shit about Christmas.

[1:32:34] Don't celebrate it.

[1:32:35] It's not that I don't like it.

[1:32:36] I just don't have a feeling about it.

[1:32:38] And I had a surprising number of conversations in the past few weeks with people who assume

[1:32:42] I'm going to be doing the rudiments of Christmas celebration.

[1:32:44] I'll be doing none of it.

[1:32:45] But I do find the concept of Santa Claus fascinating.

[1:32:49] And I love that there are a lot of movies about Santa Claus's extended family.

[1:32:53] There's so many movies about Santa Claus's kids.

[1:32:56] Many of them made for TV.

[1:32:57] All these people have played Santa Claus's children.

[1:32:59] Kelsey Grammer, Stephen Guttenberg, Janie McCarthy, Kathy Ireland.

[1:33:04] What's his name from...

[1:33:07] What's that actor's name?

[1:33:08] Who's the older actor?

[1:33:09] He was on Mad Men for a couple of seasons.

[1:33:12] Brian Goldberg.

[1:33:12] Jared Harris.

[1:33:13] No, no, no.

[1:33:15] Older than that.

[1:33:17] I can't remember his name now.

[1:33:18] Anyway, there's also Angela Lansbury starred in a movie about Mrs. Claus.

[1:33:22] She steals the sleigh away and starts a labor movement in New York at the turn of the century.

[1:33:29] There's movies about...

[1:33:31] There's so many movies about Santa Claus's family and kids.

[1:33:34] So many of them involve the kid having to take on the role of Santa at some point.

[1:33:41] It's amazing that so many of them exist.

[1:33:42] I think they're hilarious.

[1:33:44] So just dig into those.

[1:33:46] Just pop on single Santa Seeking Christmas Clothes or

[1:33:49] Mr. St. Nick with Kelsey Grammer or Santa Baby with Janie McCarthy.

[1:33:52] There's two of those.

[1:33:53] Yeah.

[1:33:54] Stuart, do you have any thoughts on this or do you not?

[1:33:56] No, I mean, just watch Ernest Saves Christmas, dude.

[1:34:00] Yeah.

[1:34:01] Oh, yeah.

[1:34:01] Yeah.

[1:34:02] There's one great gag in it that I remember where like the whole...

[1:34:07] Like the sleigh is going to go down and hit the ground.

[1:34:11] Talking about the choking the trailer?

[1:34:13] Yeah, I think it was air brakes.

[1:34:16] I love it.

[1:34:17] Yeah, and then he makes his typical mugging to the camera.

[1:34:20] Yeah, talking to Vern, which is you, the viewer.

[1:34:24] That's what that means.

[1:34:25] We're all Vern in Jim Carney's world.

[1:34:27] Yeah.

[1:34:30] So now we move on to the last segment of the show.

[1:34:32] This show is still going?

[1:34:35] You were the one who had 50 pages of notes on the movie.

[1:34:39] You wrote more about this thing than I wrote in my senior thesis.

[1:34:46] Also about Inconceivable.

[1:34:48] Yeah, I got a D.

[1:34:50] This is where we give recommendations of movies.

[1:34:52] They're definitely good.

[1:34:53] That you should watch.

[1:34:55] Movie recommendations.

[1:34:57] Dan?

[1:34:57] And do you have one, Dan?

[1:34:59] Sure.

[1:35:00] Sure, he said, as if we just asked him out of the blue to recommend a movie.

[1:35:04] As if he didn't know the segment was coming and then introduced it himself.

[1:35:07] I didn't know necessarily that I was going to go first, but I'm happy to.

[1:35:10] Do you want to go first? Do you have time?

[1:35:11] No, I have a movie.

[1:35:13] I would like to recommend The Verdict.

[1:35:15] Oh, that's a good movie.

[1:35:17] Starring...

[1:35:18] Paul Newman.

[1:35:19] Paul Newman.

[1:35:20] I can see in Dan's head, he's going, salad dressing, popcorn.

[1:35:24] Who is it?

[1:35:25] Directed by Sidney Lumet.

[1:35:27] No!

[1:35:28] Oh, yeah, it is.

[1:35:29] And written by David Mamet.

[1:35:31] And it's a movie about an alcoholic lawyer, played by Paul Newman, who...

[1:35:39] You got it on the second try.

[1:35:41] Who gets what should be a slam dunk settlement case about a woman who goes in for a childbirth

[1:35:49] and the anesthesiologists kill her accidentally.

[1:35:53] And he normally is this ambulance chaser who would settle out of court,

[1:35:58] but he goes and he visits the woman and something kind of wakes up inside him.

[1:36:02] And he's like, no, this will not stand.

[1:36:04] I'm taking the archdiocese, this is a Catholic hospital, to court.

[1:36:10] And he's going to go up against them.

[1:36:12] And he is going up against a well-stocked group of very hot shot lawyers with James

[1:36:19] Mason at the head of them.

[1:36:21] And it's just a courtroom drama, but it's more of a character study about this alcoholic

[1:36:26] lawyer who is refinding and respecting himself through the job.

[1:36:31] And it's very good and engrossing and great acting, obviously, from the cast.

[1:36:36] It looks beautiful, too.

[1:36:37] Yeah.

[1:36:39] Do you want to go or do you want me to go?

[1:36:41] I'll go.

[1:36:42] I'm going to recommend a horror movie that came out this year called Devil's Candy.

[1:36:48] Not the movie you...

[1:36:49] Not the book about Bonfire of the Vanities.

[1:36:51] Not that book.

[1:36:52] This is where we recommend movies.

[1:36:54] So I'm recommending a movie called Devil's Candy.

[1:36:58] It's directed by the guy...

[1:36:59] I think it's directed by the guy who directed that Australian horror movie, The Loved Ones,

[1:37:06] or Loved One, which was about a girl and her father abducting the cutest boy in school

[1:37:13] and putting him through a nightmarish prom date scenario.

[1:37:19] And that was a movie that I liked, but was almost a little too unpleasant for me.

[1:37:28] And I think this movie, that was a few years ago, and I think the Devil's Candy is a little...

[1:37:34] I think it's a little easier to watch.

[1:37:37] It's scary and it's shot very well.

[1:37:42] It's a very pretty movie to watch.

[1:37:44] It's about a family who move into a farmhouse, kind of,

[1:37:54] further away from where they're used to living.

[1:37:57] And the farmhouse has a dark past.

[1:37:59] The family that lived there before died.

[1:38:02] And the husband is an artist and he starts hearing voices.

[1:38:09] And they have some financial pressures as well.

[1:38:17] And then there's a killer.

[1:38:18] I guess I'll see this movie about the financial pressures.

[1:38:29] So there's some great little performances in there.

[1:38:31] Specifically, there's a great performance from Pruitt Taylor Vince,

[1:38:37] who you would remember as like...

[1:38:40] The big hulking guy in anything.

[1:38:42] Yeah, the big hulking guy who can make his eye do kind of weird things.

[1:38:46] I'm assuming that's him intentionally doing that or not.

[1:38:48] I don't know.

[1:38:49] I'm sorry, but he's great.

[1:38:50] And he's great in this movie.

[1:38:52] And yeah, so it's a little bit of a difficult watch,

[1:38:58] but I thought it was pretty great.

[1:39:00] And it was definitely scary.

[1:39:03] Sounds great.

[1:39:04] And I'm going to recommend...

[1:39:05] I'm going to go out on a limb and recommend an older film.

[1:39:07] Not something I usually do.

[1:39:09] I'm going to recommend The Furies,

[1:39:11] which is a Western from 1950 that Anthony Mann directed.

[1:39:15] He's known for a lot of great Westerns.

[1:39:16] And it's got Barbara Stanwyck in it.

[1:39:18] And it's got Walter Houston in it.

[1:39:20] And it's about the owner of a ranch called The Furies.

[1:39:26] And he's one of these guys who kind of runs his land like a feudal land baron,

[1:39:29] even issues his own money called TC's because his name is TC.

[1:39:33] And his daughter, Barbara Stanwyck, wants control of this ranch

[1:39:37] and will not let anyone get in her way of keeping control of it

[1:39:43] or getting control of it.

[1:39:44] And it's very soap opera-y,

[1:39:47] but it gets very intense at a lot of different points.

[1:39:52] It's a movie in which, not to give too much away,

[1:39:54] Barbara Stanwyck at one point throws a knife at another woman's face.

[1:39:58] But it's mainly about...

[1:40:00] role over this ranch and the men going in and out of Barbara Stanwyck's life and kind

[1:40:04] of how twisted you can become when you clearly have the ability to do something but society

[1:40:12] has deemed that your role will not let you do that thing.

[1:40:15] When you're brilliant at running a business and society has deemed you're a woman, you

[1:40:19] don't get to run a business, but it's also really soapy and good.

[1:40:22] I like it a lot.

[1:40:23] The Furies, it's called.

[1:40:25] Okay, great.

[1:40:26] Three great recommendations.

[1:40:27] Why are you looking at me?

[1:40:28] Do you have a problem with my recommendation?

[1:40:29] You did when you thought it was a book.

[1:40:30] Admit it.

[1:40:31] So that's it for this episode.

[1:40:32] Thanks, as always, for listening.

[1:40:33] There's a lot of great podcasts over at MaximumFun.org.

[1:40:34] Yeah, they just added a bunch of new ones, including a couple.

[1:40:35] Do you remember any of them?

[1:40:36] Yeah, they just added a couple.

[1:40:37] I think I had a little bit of a problem with the audio.

[1:40:38] I'm going to go back and fix that.

[1:40:45] They just added Switchblade Sisters, that's hosted by April Wolfe, and it gives a female

[1:40:58] perspective to filmmaking, which is great.

[1:41:02] And we also have Who Shot Ya?, which Elliot was just a guest on.

[1:41:05] Just a guest on actually this past Friday it came out.

[1:41:09] It'll be a couple weeks old by the time you hear this, but the episode of Who Shot Ya?

[1:41:13] It's about the room and the disaster artist in bad movies, and it was a lot of fun to

[1:41:17] record.

[1:41:18] Was it fun to record a show with people who know stuff and aren't just like goofy ding

[1:41:22] dongs?

[1:41:23] They were still fairly goofy, but it was nice to mention a movie and they'd be like, ah,

[1:41:27] yes, ah, yes, instead of to mention it and just have blank, empty stares from YouTube

[1:41:31] telling you to do gorillas.

[1:41:33] You told me that we were like the funny ones and they were the smart ones.

[1:41:38] I don't know, they're pretty funny and smart and better looking.

[1:41:42] They got it all.

[1:41:43] It's the trifecta.

[1:41:44] Yeah, they really ran the numbers on that, but yeah, Who Shot Ya?

[1:41:49] It's a real fun podcast.

[1:41:50] Really good.

[1:41:51] They have good movie discussions there.

[1:41:52] So if you like movies, you have to listen to that and Switchblade Sisters and lots of

[1:41:56] other MaxFun podcasts.

[1:41:57] Because you know what?

[1:41:58] It's not just about movies.

[1:41:59] It's about life.

[1:42:00] There's lots of good stuff out there.

[1:42:02] Life is about life.

[1:42:03] Anyway.

[1:42:04] Although the Muppets did say life's like a movie, write your own ending.

[1:42:08] And Muppets also said people's is people's.

[1:42:11] Wait, I can write my own ending to a movie?

[1:42:14] The diner owner said that.

[1:42:16] Oh, right, right.

[1:42:17] In the movie Diner, starring the Muppets.

[1:42:19] That's right.

[1:42:20] So thanks for listening.

[1:42:22] And for The Flophouse, I've been Dan McCloy.

[1:42:24] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:42:26] And I'm Elliot Kalen with my best buds, Stuart and Dan on my favorite movie podcast, The

[1:42:30] Flophouse.

[1:42:31] Good night, everyone.

[1:42:32] Who Shot Ya? is a great podcast.

[1:42:42] Okay.

[1:42:43] All right.

[1:42:44] Let's start.

[1:42:45] Let's warm up.

[1:42:46] Pa-pa-pi-pa-po.

[1:42:47] Ma-ma-mi-ma-moo.

[1:42:48] What are we, in the future segment of that Wachowski Brothers movie?

[1:42:55] Cloud Atlas.

[1:42:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:42:57] Are we in the future part where everybody talks like that?

[1:43:01] Everyone talks ma-mo-mi-ma-moo.

[1:43:03] We need to really build a futuristic language that's livable.

[1:43:07] What if everyone just goes ma-mo-mi-ma-moo?

[1:43:09] Okay, great.

[1:43:12] Maximumfun.org.

[1:43:14] Comedy and culture.

[1:43:15] Artist-owned.

[1:43:16] Listener-supported.

Ep.#247 - Inconceivable

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