Ep.#247 - Bright

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Bright, starring Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, and Los Angeles

[0:07] Plays Itself.

[0:31] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. What's up?

[0:41] I see Stuart poised, there we go, to open a can, so I'll wait before I introduce myself.

[0:46] I'm Elliot Kalin, the third co-host of this show, and in many ways the glue that holds it together.

[0:52] The hand that rocks the cradle.

[0:54] I think you're just remembering that movie.

[0:57] The great mouse detective.

[0:59] The mouse that roared.

[1:02] Well, that kind of...

[1:05] The Nine and a Half Weeks.

[1:08] The Finnegan's Wake? No, that's a book.

[1:11] Was there another Finnegan that you were thinking of?

[1:14] Finnegan's Rainbow?

[1:15] Yeah, I think it was Finnegan's Rainbow.

[1:19] If you want to see a boring musical, check out Finnegan's Rainbow.

[1:24] That's my pull quote.

[1:25] Wow, I didn't know this was Dan Bash's theatrical performances.

[1:30] There's a movie version of it, too.

[1:32] Okay, which, is that good, too, or bad?

[1:35] Dan?

[1:36] Dan, come on, dude.

[1:37] I'm sorry.

[1:38] You introduced the concept of Finnegan's Rainbow.

[1:40] I'm looking directly at you.

[1:42] Dan, I don't know if I want to defend your hot take on Finnegan's Rainbow.

[1:46] You're going to have to answer to all the Redditors who are mad at you about it.

[1:51] Yeah, all the fans are like, that's not my Finnegan.

[1:54] My Finnegan would never do the things in this movie.

[1:57] They go, this is not very –

[2:03] Come on, you're mocking a fan.

[2:05] I know.

[2:06] Get it right.

[2:07] Get it right or pay the price.

[2:08] Finnegan's Rainbow powers are all different in this movie.

[2:11] Guys, let me level with you.

[2:14] Okay.

[2:15] We are in New York City, a city I've been visiting from my new hometown of Los Angeles.

[2:21] We are about to get hit by a cyclone bomb of snow, and that means my flight was canceled.

[2:28] Now I'm kind of having trouble focusing on anything other than wondering if I'm going to be able to get out of this shit town and get back to sunny Los Angeles.

[2:38] So I apologize if my ability to imitate a Reddit commenter who is angry that Finnegan's Rainbow is not as close an adaptation of the original source material, which I assume is a comic book series of some kind, as he would like it to be.

[2:55] I apologize if my ability to do that has been hampered somewhat by my fearing for the lives of myself and my family because we're trapped in New York in the year 2017 – no, 2018.

[3:07] This is certainly worth all the air time you're devoting to it.

[3:10] I'm just saying, the year is 2018.

[3:13] Roving gangs of cyborg marauders have taken to the streets of New York.

[3:17] And only a roller skating gang called the Solar Babies.

[3:22] Naming themselves after their favorite movie.

[3:26] One thing's for sure.

[3:28] We haven't lost it.

[3:29] The three of us back in the same room.

[3:32] It's electric, right?

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:34] It's like the movie Solar Babies.

[3:38] That's electric.

[3:39] Every moment's great.

[3:40] So what the fuck do we do on this podcast then?

[3:43] We don't talk about weather and weird bullshit that nobody knows about.

[3:47] We don't talk about Solar Babies.

[3:48] That's our Solar Babies podcast.

[3:50] You're yelling at me as if I brought Solar Babies up.

[3:55] No, you're right.

[3:56] You brought up Finnegan's Rainbow, an even dumber thing to bring up than Solar Babies.

[4:03] At least most of our listeners are probably immediately checking YouTube

[4:07] to see if there's an illegal stream of the movie Solar Babies right now.

[4:11] If they're not, I've lost my faith in them.

[4:14] Yeah.

[4:15] This is a movie.

[4:16] Wait.

[4:17] No.

[4:18] Check.

[4:19] Back up.

[4:20] Okay, guys.

[4:21] What happened to it?

[4:22] We're losing it.

[4:23] We watched Bright and suddenly our minds are not working properly.

[4:27] We watched it.

[4:28] Yeah, what happened?

[4:29] Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:31] Dan, don't fight the Bright.

[4:33] Don't let Bright take over.

[4:34] Fight the Bright.

[4:35] Did somebody hit you with a magic wand and make you forget how to talk?

[4:38] It's like a magic spell was cast to stop people from criticizing Bright.

[4:43] Like, what did you think of that movie Bright?

[4:45] Oh, you know, it wasn't very good.

[4:47] What?

[4:48] You know, it was pretty bad.

[4:49] I assume it was good.

[4:50] You're just not telling me it's bad.

[4:52] You're speaking Orcish, I'm assuming.

[4:53] Something that you learned after watching the movie and liking it so much.

[4:56] Because you loved it so much.

[4:57] Yeah.

[4:58] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[5:00] This is a podcast, not a movie.

[5:02] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[5:06] You're doing great.

[5:07] Keep fighting the Bright.

[5:08] And then we talk about it.

[5:09] And in this case, we took a little detour from what we usually do, which is watch theatrical releases, and watched a Netflix film.

[5:18] But this is the first of Netflix's new slate, I guess they're hoping, of giant feature films.

[5:25] Yeah.

[5:26] So they want to show they can make movies just as big and just as dumb as anybody.

[5:32] Yeah.

[5:33] And then they can advertise the shit out of them because why spend any money advertising, say, the return of a cult classic television series called – let's just call it Blistery Bliance Bleater Bleeblousing Blubbleburn.

[5:48] Why would you spend a dime to promote that?

[5:50] Yeah, I mean that sounds great.

[5:52] That provides hilarity and lifts the spirit when you can spend millions promoting a movie where a cop is partnered with an orc and they fight about a wand.

[6:02] The show you're talking about, it sounds like a project that would appeal to long-time fans but also be welcoming to new viewers.

[6:10] Maybe it would give a fresh spin on an old favorite in a way that would make both the original episodes more lucrative and give them a wider base.

[6:18] And also introduce a fresh cast of characters and maybe a great head writer who is ready for the big leagues.

[6:24] But no, that sounds silly.

[6:25] Why don't we instead give all that money to a bad movie made by people who make other bad things?

[6:30] Well, everyone tried hard probably.

[6:34] Elliot suddenly turned into like the movie maker's grandma.

[6:38] Everyone tried hard.

[6:40] Look, I want to tell them that Bright wasn't for me.

[6:44] Now that Elliot has moved to LA, he's like got to hedge my bets.

[6:48] There's a chance that me and Joel Edgerton might run into each other at Spago or something.

[6:55] Wait, is that there?

[6:57] Yeah, that's the spa where you go.

[6:59] Weird.

[7:00] It's a pooping spa for the constipated.

[7:04] Now that I'm not in the New York topical satire bubble, the New York – yeah, now that I'm no longer in a New York state of mind and instead I'm living in an LA minute, what LA songs are there?

[7:17] I mean you love LA.

[7:19] I know that about you.

[7:20] I mean all I want to do is have some fun until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard in LA.

[7:25] There is a part of me now that's like how many bridges am I burning every time I do this podcast?

[7:31] Well, I don't think that many people listen to it.

[7:34] Silver lining, Stu, silver lining.

[7:38] But Bright is in Netflix's mind I guess.

[7:41] This is the first wave of major Netflix motion pictures.

[7:45] And also normally we watch a movie that's either a critical or financial flop.

[7:49] And this movie, though it didn't necessarily technically make money, Netflix claims it was a huge success.

[7:56] They've got a record number of viewers, and they've already greenlit a sequel.

[8:01] Brighter.

[8:02] Yeah.

[8:03] Fifty Shades Brighter.

[8:05] I don't want to get into this too much because I'm stupid on the subject.

[8:08] Let's just say I'm –

[8:09] Which subject are you stupid – of the many that you're dumb on?

[8:11] Unlike what, the Netflix?

[8:13] So what happens is you load up your Netflix player.

[8:16] I've been having some trouble.

[8:18] How do you get onto it?

[8:19] So it's going to give you an option for account.

[8:21] You've got to pick the account that is yours.

[8:23] You've got to pick somebody else's account because they might have different faves than you.

[8:26] Can I take – what if I just pick the kid's account?

[8:29] You don't want to do that.

[8:31] You're going to see some crazy stuff.

[8:33] So you're going to go to your account, and there's going to be a bunch of recommendations.

[8:37] And you know what?

[8:38] Just watch those.

[8:39] I mean just trust Netflix, dude.

[8:42] So I have the screen full of I assume – it's just a list of text titles?

[8:46] Yeah.

[8:47] And I like – what do I –

[8:48] Yeah, you use your cursor.

[8:50] Okay.

[8:51] Did it what?

[8:52] Highlight the one that I want to see?

[8:53] Yeah, you right-click on the thing, and then you drag it into your viewer box.

[8:56] And then what do you type in?

[8:57] Like run.exe Netflix?

[8:59] No, that's crazy.

[9:00] That was in the original version of Netflix.

[9:02] This one you just drag it into the viewer box, and then you strap on your goggles, and you're ready to go.

[9:08] Sounds easy.

[9:09] Sounds super easy, and that's how I can watch Cheers?

[9:12] I mean you can watch any episode of Cheers you want as long as it's between seasons two and four.

[9:18] No joke aside, for me, Netflix lately has become a Cheers delivery device.

[9:22] Oh, that's great.

[9:23] My wife and I will get home and we'll put our son to bed, and then it's like – maybe then we'll have dinner and it's like, you know what?

[9:29] Let's just watch Cheers.

[9:30] And so if you go to the recently watched section in my Netflix account, I think it's just Cheers.

[9:35] Yeah, and Netflix keeps suggesting Wings to you now.

[9:38] And I'm like they're not the same, Netflix.

[9:41] I'm not going to go hang out in a fucking airport.

[9:45] It keeps suggesting It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and it's like just because they're both set in bars doesn't mean they're in any way similar, Netflix.

[9:52] You're judging me only by the setting of the show I watch.

[9:55] Well, I mean level of success and the Dane and DeVito connection.

[9:58] Yeah.

[10:00] You know what you're right. I'm right. Yeah, it's just like when I watched exit to Eden and now it shows me nothing

[10:05] But cops undercover at S&M Resort

[10:10] So the subject I'm dumb on though is the economics of the showbiz business

[10:15] Yeah, okay. That's kind of what I was talking about. Yeah, but like this movie cost 90 million dollars

[10:20] it was as widely reported and

[10:23] Is this movie going to like draw in people like are people gonna be like I got to subscribe to that Netflix

[10:28] So yeah, it's all about having content that make people get excited about so that they subscribe to your your thing, right?

[10:34] But I understand that I guess okay great. They're making

[10:38] Television shows but when they're making or even like mid-range movies that are not like

[10:43] Like Netflix has had a lot of success actually before this making kind of like middling budget like what films?

[10:50] like I

[10:52] Guess that Gerald's game. Okay, maybe or

[10:57] Mud

[10:58] Like they didn't put a lot of money into Gerald's game. How did uh, how did Bruce Bruce Greenwood get so fucking shredded?

[11:05] He took his shirt off and I'm like

[11:08] On top of me. I was like, whoa

[11:12] Yeah, I just was now every time I see Bruce Greenwood in a movie though

[11:17] I'm like like he plays he plays Secretary McNamara in the post and I was like, oh man

[11:23] There's no way Secretary McNamara was as shredded as Bruce Greenwood is there's no way

[11:29] Why does he keep pouring water all over?

[11:34] Why is Ginuwine's pony coming up?

[11:38] I don't believe that in the cabinet meetings. He would just rub milk into his own chest

[11:43] All right. Okay

[11:44] You're the boss Steven Spielberg

[11:47] Anyway

[11:49] This is a movie about orcs and some so let's talk about bright so bright is

[11:56] I'm gonna use a term that I don't think is a technical term, but I'm gonna introduce it now in case

[12:01] People in case it there's a term for yeah TM and I'm just gonna call it a cut and paste

[12:06] Okay, and maybe that exists already but a cut and paste to me is when you take the real world

[12:12] You stop being polite. Okay

[12:16] Will you take the real world taken and you go?

[12:19] What if this thing instead of instead of living in a world where there's no magical monster beings?

[12:25] Uh-huh. What if instead of other human races being in different parts of the racial hierarchy in America?

[12:33] What if instead it was like?

[12:36] Mythical beings and then you kind of cut and paste things. So it's like in our world. There are

[12:42] You know street gangs of non-white races in many cities because they're shut out of economic opportunity and often

[12:49] sequestered into parts of the city that are not the best to live in and so forth, but what if instead of that

[12:55] they were orcs and

[12:58] then

[12:59] Nothing else was different

[13:01] So the and actually in this case they even totally cut and paste because there's still Latino street gang that we see running around in

[13:07] This yeah, but they're never like well-thought-out

[13:10] Analogies to I mean like we are not the first to point this out, but maybe if you're making a movie about

[13:16] Racism don't postulate that other races are literally not human. They're literally monsters. Yeah

[13:23] well, there's the there's an ad for

[13:26] there's an ad for a

[13:28] Show on Fox. I think it was a

[13:31] Futuristic cop show about a guy who's partnered with a robot

[13:35] The robots a black man and the posters just kept showing this man's face at with the name of the show almost human

[13:50] In theory, I guess the the other guy could be

[13:53] He could have been the the not robot, but it was still the face

[13:58] They were showing with the phrase almost human and it's it seemed in poor taste

[14:02] It's the

[14:04] So setting aside, I feel like we could spend a lot of time talking about the kind of misguided

[14:11] Attempt at a racial message in this where in fact you are instead

[14:15] Showing it's one of those things where it's like the reality is that human beings are

[14:20] Relatively interchangeable like and that different humans have different individual

[14:26] Capabilities I get abilities. I know what you're saying. I'm not really your best friend

[14:31] You have a bunch of other people who are close. You're just as good as me and everyone's interchangeable

[14:37] I get your message loud and clear

[14:40] You were telling me that you do have a Dan out in LA

[14:46] Who's like, you know

[14:49] The life of the party, but he shows up and that really helps don't tell him about my other side guy. I'm sorry, Dan

[14:55] I didn't mean to use that term. I know that only your kind can use the words of psi guy. Yeah describe yourselves

[15:01] Or depressed modes. That's another one that you guys use. What were you saying? I'm sorry

[15:06] Human being like this movie. It's one of those things where once you create actual different species

[15:12] Zootopia is kind of similar to me where it's like the idea of fighting racism is to show that humans are all human and that

[15:20] stereotypes about race are

[15:22] Based on constructs that are not usually not accurate. Occasionally. They're accurate. My family is very Jewish

[15:29] but besides that

[15:31] there's a but when you when instead when you be like

[15:34] Orcs are at the bottom elves are at the top. Isn't that fucked up?

[15:38] And it's like I'm not in this world orcs are monster men. It doesn't work and elves have like magic powers

[15:45] So you're here

[15:46] We have almost no and we're given

[15:48] Relatively no information about any of these like the what the differences are

[15:53] They don't I mean, they don't seem to be that different, but I guess then they start being ninjas later on

[15:59] Yeah, but that like you're creating a racial hierarchy where there are very real differences between species

[16:05] It just upends your message and the implication seems to be like, oh wait

[16:09] So you do you saying other races have different powers and abilities and that's why?

[16:13] Things are the way they are like that screwed up that being said

[16:17] The movie does have one beautiful thing in it, which is the single centaur policemen

[16:24] Face we never see he's just kind of in the background a couple times and it's such a dumb pun on the idea of a

[16:30] Mounted policeman like hey in this world policemen don't ride horses. They are the

[16:36] Mel Brooks stop by set one day

[16:38] I got an idea like great Mel toss it in you got it

[16:43] But anyway, let's just so but uh bright is a world where two thousand is crazy

[16:48] They put that fucking centaur policeman in the movie and at no point does he like chase somebody down?

[16:54] Never help the heroes never have to ride away on him. God. It's such a waste

[16:58] It is such a waste speaking of wasted opportunities the movie bright. So we're in a world where

[17:05] 2,000 years ago. There was some kind of

[17:07] Hobbit style wars before you get too into it. How does the movie open?

[17:13] Okay, does it open right into credits? No, there was text on screen. No, there was the text of a prophecy

[17:20] Oh, right. Yeah, I'd forgotten

[17:23] But I've already forgotten what the prophecy said because it was so dumb and so unrelated

[17:29] Should we go now here guys?

[17:30] I was gonna try to do this one not in quite as much detail as I usually think yeah

[17:34] So I

[17:37] Do the concept first, but if you want I can do it scene by scene we open the quote from a prophecy

[17:42] Let me just do some world-building here. Okay, so

[17:45] 2,000 years ago

[17:46] There was some kind of Hobbit style war of nine armies again or Lord of the Rings style against a dark Lord who?

[17:52] We only see him in spray-painted

[17:55] Graffiti and he seems to be basically Elric of Melibene a like just kind of a big pale

[18:01] Thank you

[18:02] Spent a lot of time in my youth trying to figure out how to pronounce that name

[18:06] But it doesn't it so and orcs were on the wrong side of this battle

[18:12] 2,000 years later. This is still an issue now again

[18:18] Those kinds of things can last for 2,000 years

[18:20] there's two people who don't like Jews because the story of the crucifixion and other people don't like Jews because

[18:24] They just don't like them. There are people who are still like there's still that holiday in

[18:30] Makes you feel better. I don't like you for personal reasons. Thank you. I appreciate that

[18:33] there's still is it is it Serbia where they still have a holiday commemorating their loss to the

[18:40] Muslims in the 14th century like those kinds of

[18:45] Those kinds of ang like things hang over people for centuries, but here's the thing if that's the case

[18:53] How come everybody everything else is exactly the same even the fact everything is exactly this

[18:58] They're in a city called Los Angeles, which is named after angels, which is an explicitly like

[19:04] Judeo-christian Muslim thing and it's specifically a Catholic thing because that whole part of the country was originally settled by Spain and

[19:11] Mexico like the idea that it's like we had this dark Lord and there was magic and stuff. There's Jesus and

[19:18] So many there's so many weird anachronisms and weird

[19:22] We're not even anachronisms just like weird things that seem wouldn't make sense that they would exist in a world with

[19:28] You know like orcs and elves and stuff that I would love to hear a commentary track for this movie

[19:35] Where the guys from the Magic Tavern podcast explained?

[19:41] Chief among them I think is the part where like they reference the movie Shrek and you're like the movie Shrek wouldn't work in a

[19:47] World where these things are actual they have actual magic. It's no it would be like in

[19:53] Magic Tavern where they play that office role-playing game like Shrek in the in that world would be would be set like in normal place

[19:59] with

[20:00] There's normal people or something like that, but at one point the orcas like they were like hey

[20:05] The movie Shrek exists and all the orcs think it's fucking awesome. It's like well

[20:10] They're awesome. I like to think that they thought I think it's amazing and they always are listening to like fucking smash

[20:16] Like all-star is the like orc theme song. Hey, that's a movie

[20:21] Then go tell Max Landis to change it

[20:24] the fact that there was a moment where

[20:26] There's a there's a Latino cop and he goes then that work cop is like cuz I'll tell you the plot

[20:30] I'm on that work cop is like, oh

[20:33] Every we're always the bad guy and Latino cops like hey, we're still getting blamed for the Alamo

[20:38] It's like so the Alamo happened in this so there was still a war of some kind between

[20:44] Texas and General Santa Ana like how did that?

[20:47] How does that work in a world of their elves and fairies and and orcs?

[20:51] Yeah, which side was working for the Dark Lord at this point? I don't know

[20:55] It's like the I don't know

[20:57] It's like it's something classic like alternate dimension things like where you just like walk into another world

[21:03] I was like, I don't know. There's everything's the same, but there's giant shrimp walking around and I feel like that's

[21:15] Cooked shrimp, are they they finished and prepared for plate, but they just happen to be a normal

[21:21] Shrimp, they look like shrimp cocktails. Okay, so they're in glass

[21:26] That's good

[21:28] They sleep in glasses like glasses, okay

[21:31] They like yeah, they hook their little heads over there

[21:34] The humans exist here or are they the shrimp the dominant species? Oh, no humans are their pets or their prey

[21:40] No, I'm pitching a movie where there's a shrimp. There's a shrimp cop see

[21:46] Played by Bill Smith

[21:50] Which is also Will Smith's name

[21:55] This is set in an alternate world where he is Bill Smith and instead of celebrating the willenium everyone celebrated the billenium

[22:12] Strangely enough, there's always a ripple effect. So in that world, there's not a Bear Grylls. There's a bear Wills

[22:18] Sure. Yeah, of course, there's really Nelson everything flips over to the next guy

[22:23] Yeah, and it's the the Bubba Gump crab company

[22:29] When the audience sees that they all gasp, they're like what you did it you monsters

[22:35] I shouldn't have stepped on that butterfly in the past

[22:41] Then you go into the seaforest companies just like softshell crab king crab

[22:48] anyway, so

[22:50] We're in Los Angeles the year is now but it's all fantasy stuff and Will Smith or Bill Smith as some refer to

[22:58] He's a policeman who is partnered with the first-ever orc cop who has the very orcish name of Nick Jacoby

[23:05] And so Wilson and Will Smith plays a part of Daryl

[23:08] Ward and

[23:10] He's kind of a jerk. He's not a great guy and the movie opens

[23:14] I couldn't his name have been like Clark or something. What the thought what?

[23:20] In this world first off I'm not talking about Bill Smith in this in this fantasy world black men have names like

[23:27] and Thor rock teeth

[23:34] But uh, yeah, that's well, I think that's racist of you Stuart to assume and or it's gonna have a name like Clark

[23:39] When he could have a name like Nick Jacoby

[23:42] Which I guess and this is something we were talking about while you watch me

[23:45] I assume was the name given to his family at Elvis Island

[23:48] Which is the Ellis Island that elves found it looked around for like two minutes waiting for us to laugh

[23:54] It's not an island that Elvis owned

[23:57] But that's the other thing they could have done a joke on that like is the Elvis of this world an actual elf

[24:03] I mean now we're doing Shrek who died using a magic toilet

[24:09] Boy anyway, yeah is the band t-rex called t-shreks in this

[24:15] Oh

[24:22] Pregnant in this scenario

[24:24] knuckles

[24:26] Or tails knuckles is never pregnant. It's true. He's the impregnator. It's always tails or sonic so

[24:34] Will Smith is introduced waking up after a nightmare. He was shot in the line of duty his

[24:40] Partner is an orc and his partner let the shooter who was an orc get away

[24:44] He the orc says by accident Will Smith thinks may have suspects. It was on purpose

[24:48] Will Smith's wife is angry because there's a fairy

[24:51] Chittering around flying around inside their window and he wants Will Smith to go outside and kill it which Will Smith does by hitting it

[24:57] With a broomstick and we're never quite never quite clear fairies are sentient beings

[25:02] They're positive to be more like squirrels in this world. Yeah, so you can just beat it to death with a broom

[25:08] Yeah, yeah, like you would a squirrel

[25:11] Fairy lives don't matter which is both offensive to the black lives matter movement and also seems like a gay slur

[25:19] So good good on you Max Landis. I guess what I'm saying to Twitter. He doesn't remember writing that line

[25:25] Okay, he says he doesn't remember it. Anyway, he was on a coke-fueled binge

[25:30] It in his defense that does seem like the sort of thing like some idiot would sneak in

[25:35] Like some executive would be like, hey, let's make it topical. Yeah, it's the equivalent of ADR

[25:40] They're just like tossing in an extra line at the end of the script writing process except I think he's on screen when he says

[25:46] It no, I know

[25:52] What we say that would have those exact same lip flap

[25:58] And I keep referencing other things

[26:01] You're being very topical very white matters

[26:07] Okay in that world he does he's Barry the white and that's what he became after the ball rug

[26:13] That's the it was very the gray originally. It's for the TBS cut of the movie

[26:25] Yeah, this is what I'm saying, I don't understand the economics of this so anyway

[26:29] They're cops nobody likes the orc Nick everyone's racist against him. Everyone's like Will Smith

[26:35] You got to get rid of him like figure out some way to get rid of him and Nick

[26:38] I mean they meet a bunch of other cops the other cops give both of them a bunch of shit

[26:43] The orc gets a kick me sticker on his back, which is kind of weird cuz it's not even funny

[26:48] Like are they laughing cuz it's ironically a bad joke like

[26:52] It's not clear. Well, this is an alternate universe where orcs exist and that's a very funny

[26:56] Nobody's done that before that was literally the first time Ike Baron Holtz shows up and is a jerk and it's like, yeah

[27:03] I guess he's getting that money, right? He's at that. He's at his career peak of being like a goonie jerk, right?

[27:08] I mean, I wouldn't say that. I mean, he's a great

[27:12] He's a great comedic actor, but he's been in a bunch of these suicide squads, right? Yeah, it's true

[27:17] He has that he has that character headshot where it's like goonie jerk

[27:21] I'm sure he's a very nice person. Goonie doctor in real life. You guys don't need to hedge your bets

[27:27] I'm sure he'll still still work with you after he listens to this podcast. I don't know why you're like

[27:33] Taking such an interest in Ike Baron Holtz. It's like he's before he's not a major character

[27:38] I want to know what he's gonna do now that the mini projects done, dude

[27:42] All right. Well Ike if you're listening, right and right Stewart an email

[27:46] Well, it didn't care of the flop house one, two, three Main Street, New York

[27:50] We've moved up in the world

[27:52] Not on fake Street anymore, huh? No Main Street now

[27:55] So Nick is a real sweet soul for an orcist. His fangs have been sanded down his tusks and he doesn't you know what?

[28:02] He's a cop first. He's always wanted to be a cop

[28:04] Ever since he was a kid and he's not blooded which is it's never not clear to the very end what that means exactly

[28:11] But it's some kind of work right of passage when you show you have bravery some sort of werewolf bar mitzvah

[28:16] Yeah, exactly. Yeah men become boys becoming men and then becoming wolves. Yeah, and he's kind of like

[28:21] Uh, he's he's like an eager puppy character where he just wants to kind of fit in and please and do his job, right?

[28:28] He's a little too innocent for my

[28:31] Liking of it. He's at times. He's almost like it's like you could have had him played by a

[28:37] Child or like by Eddie Deason and the way he acts around Will Smith would not be that different

[28:44] I'm just about the writing Dan. I know you love Joel Edgerton. You thought his performance was amazing

[28:49] I made one comment during the movie that I thought Joel Edgerton was doing a good job and

[28:56] He's in bright like this and he's completely different in the movie it comes at night what can this guy not do

[29:03] Just don't tell me he's some kind of warrior

[29:06] He's in the movie warrior. That's why I made that joke. I'm just explaining

[29:09] I will say Joel Edgerton is clearly acting through a very thick layer of makeup that makes him look like I mean

[29:16] The whole thing is also this is such a kind of alien nation ripoff

[29:20] And then the makeup makes them look even more like the alien nation characters in a way with their blocky splot

[29:26] I would have loved if the orcs drank like sour milk or spoiled milk or some shit

[29:31] Yeah, that's how they got drunk and the alien that would be like but they there's literally no difference

[29:37] Other than they all seem to fit very well into football jerseys

[29:41] Now talking about a movie where like the world isn't really that different

[29:45] And they're aliens like running around all over the place

[29:49] But the thing in alienation is the aliens are a new arrival. Yeah, they're not this is this that's positing

[29:55] It's our world aliens have just shown up and they're just starting to assimilate into

[30:00] into human life and humans are just getting used to them.

[30:03] So yeah, it's a similar thing with the same.

[30:05] I mean, one of the closest correlations

[30:07] is to the role-playing game Shadowrun,

[30:10] which is set in like a cyberpunk future,

[30:12] but you have like, you know,

[30:14] you have all these fantasy races

[30:16] and those are all because there was like a ritual

[30:19] that brought magic back to the world.

[30:21] So it's all kind of a new thing

[30:23] that people have had enough time

[30:25] to kind of get over the newness of it,

[30:27] but it hasn't completely pervade,

[30:30] like it hasn't completely taken over the culture.

[30:33] Whereas this is a movie where it posits

[30:35] that like elves bring along, I guess,

[30:39] like ugly suits and iPhones.

[30:42] Elves are super rich and they're hilariously

[30:45] over-tailored suits and they all drive sports cars.

[30:48] And there's one scene where they drive

[30:50] through the elf part of town and it's like Future City

[30:54] and there's the worst computer effect I've ever seen,

[30:58] which is literally just a nicely grassed traffic island

[31:02] with a gold fence around it.

[31:04] And it looks like they hand drew it in like a Disney cartoon.

[31:07] And we've recently seen, what is it?

[31:11] What's that Fateful Findings movie you watch

[31:13] with the super drawn-in blowtorch?

[31:15] No, it looks like if you ever see-

[31:17] Oh, Pass Through?

[31:18] Pass Through, yeah.

[31:18] If you ever see Showgirls on like VH1,

[31:22] where they like rotoscope in-

[31:24] Like clothes?

[31:25] Like clothes, like they put like bikini tops

[31:27] on the girls, yeah.

[31:30] They like Waking Life, some bikinis on them?

[31:33] Exactly.

[31:34] I spent this morning watching a bunch

[31:36] of old Silly Symphony cartoons with my son, he loved them.

[31:39] And I felt there was more realism in those

[31:42] than this one shot of this bizarrely

[31:44] fakie-looking traffic island.

[31:46] And like, it's, anyway, so we see that, but-

[31:50] But the introduction of the status

[31:52] of the different races is not unlike

[31:55] if we were watching like a teen movie

[31:58] and somebody was taking the new student

[32:00] through the school and was like,

[32:01] this clique is the jocks, they're the toughest,

[32:04] this clique is the dumbos.

[32:07] Like in Bratz, when there's that great moment

[32:09] where they're going through all the different cliques

[32:10] and one of them is kids that dress like dinosaurs.

[32:11] Yeah, we're dinosaur kids.

[32:12] That was great.

[32:14] So anyway, let's do the plot super fast.

[32:17] There's a crazy guy with a sword

[32:18] who's just rambling nonsense.

[32:20] He gets arrested by Will Smith and Joel Edgerton

[32:23] and he says to Joel Edgerton in Orkish,

[32:25] there's a prophecy and this guy is a chosen one

[32:27] and you're gonna be great or whatever, some nonsense.

[32:31] He speaks in total mystic riddles,

[32:33] which does not prepare you for when that guy

[32:35] is being interrogated by the Federal Magic Task Force.

[32:38] And suddenly he is the most rational,

[32:40] like kind of dude Lebowski type guy,

[32:43] just talking about how there's this group

[32:46] that's collecting magic wands to stop the dark ones.

[32:48] It'll bring the dark lord back.

[32:50] Federal agents show up to interrogate him.

[32:52] One is an elf.

[32:53] He's pretty chill.

[32:54] One is a big slob.

[32:55] And they ask him a couple of questions and he's evasive.

[32:58] And then they basically explain

[33:00] the whole plot of the movie to us.

[33:04] Like, and to theoretically,

[33:05] a person they're interrogating for a crime.

[33:07] Yeah, that there are-

[33:08] And he was driven mad by reading the plot of Bright.

[33:11] And that's why it was so crazy before.

[33:13] There's a group of dark elves

[33:14] who are trying to bring back the dark lord.

[33:17] Now, the movie seems to be-

[33:19] No, I mean, not technically drow,

[33:20] but yeah, I know what you're saying.

[33:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[33:21] And there's a woman whose name is, I don't even remember,

[33:26] but she's after another elf named Tika,

[33:29] who's on the run.

[33:29] It's like Leela?

[33:30] Leela.

[33:31] Leela is the bad elf and Tika is the good elf.

[33:33] Tika's on the run with a magic wand.

[33:36] And if they can get their wands together,

[33:38] they can bring back the dark lord.

[33:39] It's kind of like the Nuki kids, right?

[33:41] Nuki and Miko?

[33:42] Yeah.

[33:43] Yeah, a little bit, yeah.

[33:44] I just thought it was funny that her name was Tika

[33:45] because that's like a food.

[33:47] Yeah, it's true.

[33:49] Every time it was so hard for me

[33:50] not to think chicken tikka masala every time.

[33:52] Just give her a different name.

[33:55] Or is this a universe where India doesn't exist

[33:57] because it was destroyed by magic or something?

[34:00] I mean, that would require a little more footwork.

[34:02] I think it's a lot easier to just make Shrek jokes

[34:04] and say that all orcs play football instead of basketball

[34:07] because they can't jump high.

[34:08] Yeah, but they're very tough.

[34:10] There's a moment where there's an orc wearing a,

[34:14] a football jersey that says Fog Teeth on the back

[34:17] or Fog Tooth.

[34:18] And I was like, I like that touch.

[34:20] So there must be like an orc football player

[34:22] whose name is something Fog Tooth.

[34:24] That's a jersey this guy wears.

[34:25] But then it turns out there's a gang called the Fog Teeth

[34:28] or some garbage.

[34:29] And so that's why there's a ton of orcs

[34:30] wearing jerseys that say Fog Tooth.

[34:32] And I was like, dude,

[34:33] you're like undoing your own world building.

[34:36] Like, come on.

[34:37] Do gangs really wear jerseys

[34:39] with the name of their gang on the back?

[34:41] Is that like that?

[34:42] I don't know.

[34:43] You live in LA, dude.

[34:45] According to this movie, the rainiest city.

[34:48] As far as I know, all gangs go around on roller skates

[34:52] or they dress up like baseball players.

[34:55] Or they're the orphans, the gang nobody likes.

[34:57] Always keep trying to get me to come out and play.

[34:59] And I'm like, no.

[35:01] You're like, get those baubles off of your fingers.

[35:03] Then we'll talk.

[35:05] Now the things that,

[35:06] here's what's the real fantasy aspect of this movie

[35:08] when it comes to LA from my experience.

[35:10] It's always raining in the movie.

[35:11] And I've lived in LA for almost five months now.

[35:14] And we've had, I think an hour of rain in that time.

[35:17] Two, there's never any traffic on the streets.

[35:21] But also what's realistic about this movie

[35:23] is it's constantly exploding and on fire.

[35:25] And LA is always on fire apparently,

[35:28] as is my experience now

[35:30] as there's constant flame ringing the city.

[35:32] But anyway, so Will Smith and Nick,

[35:36] they-

[35:37] Joel Edgerton.

[35:38] Joel Edgerton.

[35:39] Respond to a call where there's a bunch of bodies

[35:42] that have been all burnt up and crazily destroyed.

[35:44] It turns out that's where the good elf escaped

[35:47] with her wand.

[35:48] But before they can figure out the story,

[35:49] they find the wand, they call for backup.

[35:51] The other police who are racists show up.

[35:53] And their plan is to tell Will Smith,

[35:55] kill the orc, we'll take the wand

[35:58] and we'll use it to make all of our wildest dreams come true.

[36:01] And Ike Barinholtz goes, you want a million dollars?

[36:04] You got it.

[36:05] You want $10 million?

[36:07] You got it.

[36:07] I wished, he could have just kept going,

[36:10] just multiplying that.

[36:11] You want $10 million in wand dollars?

[36:14] You got it.

[36:15] You want $11 million and $47?

[36:18] You got it.

[36:19] You want $13,500,000 and 14 cents and five euros?

[36:24] You got it.

[36:25] That's magic there.

[36:26] But magic wands can't be handled by just anybody.

[36:28] They make you explode.

[36:30] If, unless you're a bright

[36:32] and a bright is someone who can handle a magic wand.

[36:36] So it's like somebody with a lot of midichlorians

[36:38] or some other eugenics bullshit.

[36:41] Yeah, brightichlorians,

[36:43] some kind of eugenics thing

[36:44] that Rian Johnson will right away, thankfully.

[36:48] So, cause I liked that movie.

[36:50] I liked that Rian Johnson, Star War movie.

[36:52] Oh, can we talk about that?

[36:53] Come at us, internet.

[36:55] Come at us, internet.

[36:56] I really liked that movie a lot.

[36:57] I mean, I think the internet at large liked it.

[36:59] I think there was a focal minority

[37:01] who most likely thought Bright ruled

[37:03] and is hate listening to this episode.

[37:06] They thought that Bright ruled and Last Jedi drooled.

[37:08] And I respectfully would reverse that.

[37:11] Oh, wow, okay.

[37:12] And say that Last Jedi ruled and Bright drooled.

[37:13] We're going right to final judgments on Last Jedi.

[37:16] It rules.

[37:16] Did Bright have a scene where a famous Jedi milked

[37:21] a kind of probably sentient creature

[37:23] that was just bumming around on the beach

[37:25] and then guzzled that milk right in front of somebody

[37:27] to weird them away?

[37:28] So great, I love that.

[37:30] I love that moment.

[37:31] That's my favorite moment, I think,

[37:32] of any movie all year.

[37:34] But anyway, so.

[37:39] You're like, imagine you're like

[37:42] watching all of the Florida Project or something,

[37:44] and you're like, no, not realistic enough aliens.

[37:47] I don't think so.

[37:49] I'm watching Mother, and I'm like, pretty close,

[37:52] but not exactly.

[37:54] So these dirty cops are like, kill that guy.

[37:57] Kill the orc to Will Smith.

[37:58] Kill the orc, and we'll let you live.

[38:00] And long story short, Will Smith ends up,

[38:04] he interrogates his partner, and he says,

[38:06] why'd you let the orc that shot me get away?

[38:08] Why'd you do it?

[38:09] You trust orcs, wouldn't you trust your fellow policemen?

[38:12] I'm your partner.

[38:13] And Nick, the orc, says, hey, I lost the guy who shot you.

[38:18] The orc that I found was a different orc.

[38:20] I could tell because he smelled different.

[38:22] But I let him get away because I knew the police

[38:24] who were showing up wouldn't believe me,

[38:26] and they would have killed him

[38:27] because they would think he shot you.

[38:28] I saved that orc's life.

[38:29] It was the right thing to do.

[38:30] That's when the dirty cops,

[38:31] one of whom we haven't even mentioned,

[38:32] is played by Margaret Cho, walk out,

[38:34] and they're like, time's up,

[38:37] and Will Smith shoots the dirty cops

[38:39] rather than be killed by them over the wands.

[38:41] Well, yeah, we didn't mention that the dirty cops plan

[38:43] was not just to get Will Smith to kill Jacobi.

[38:47] They're also, once Will Smith left,

[38:49] they're like, we're gonna kill Will Smith, too.

[38:52] Which, as I said at the time,

[38:53] they really jumped to killing Will Smith early in that.

[38:57] I feel like their plan for everything

[38:59] has to be to kill Will Smith.

[39:01] Well, I will say that Will Smith in this movie

[39:03] is, at his least, charismatic.

[39:05] He's such a jerk.

[39:06] So he should be shot.

[39:07] To everybody, yes, basically.

[39:09] When you're Will Smith and your charisma,

[39:10] to use a Dungeons & Dragons term,

[39:12] is a million bazillion plus or whatever.

[39:15] Wow, yeah, you know your D&D.

[39:17] And you're not using that charisma,

[39:19] then what are you even doing here?

[39:21] Yeah, you're like, dude, roll your Intimidate

[39:24] or roll your Influence.

[39:25] I don't even fucking remember.

[39:28] But anyway, Will Smith kills those dirty cops

[39:30] and he's like, we gotta go.

[39:32] They find the wand because the elf girl-

[39:34] Yeah, he triggers bullet time

[39:35] and he kills all four of the cops.

[39:36] It's amazing.

[39:37] And the elf girl who they've met now

[39:38] and who talks to Nick and Elvish

[39:41] because Nick says he took Elvish in high school,

[39:44] explains that someone bad is coming.

[39:45] Her name's-

[39:46] Do orcs have to go to a segregated high school?

[39:49] It's not really talked about.

[39:51] I assume it's not official segregation,

[39:54] but since so many schools draw from

[39:56] who lives in the area, it effectively is.

[39:59] Okay.

[40:00] … because as is made clear in the movie, orcs are the repressed minority, so orcs equals, I guess, black people, which means black people in the eyes of this movie are mythological monsters that can lift cars sometimes and have tusks.

[40:15] Anyway, so it's – but that's – again, that's the problematic racial message that we don't have to get into because we're going to talk about how Tika, the elf girl, uses the wand to blow up a car.

[40:25] She then does not do anything to help anybody in the movie for much of the running time as her ability to use a wand to create explosions is not used to stop the gang of 60 to 70 Latino guys who then chase them who want the wand because their leader, who's in a wheelchair, wants to use magic to heal his legs.

[40:45] Now, as I was saying, when we were watching District 9, which is a movie that is kind of like this but better in every way, isn't – there's like a warlord who also is in a wheelchair, and he wants the technology so he can be better, right?

[41:01] They probably stole that idea from Bright.

[41:28] There's a scene later on where they go into some sort of strip club casino where they're just like –

[41:34] It's a strip club casino that feels like if you've ever been to a mall in Flushing, Queens that has a Chinese dim sum food court, and there's just booths everywhere where you can get different types of food.

[41:47] That's what this seems to be like but for vices.

[41:49] There's a drug booth. There's a gambling table. There's a strip booth. There's a sex booth, and they're all just kind of open to each other.

[41:56] It's like this open vice court that anyone is allowed into I guess because people just walk in with big guns in their hands.

[42:02] Yeah, maybe there's a booth for people who just really like carrying big guns around.

[42:06] Now, this is the section of the movie where they just kind of wander from one heavily populated area to the next heavily populated area.

[42:14] And they escape from that gang, but yeah, now they're walking between heavily populated areas.

[42:17] Yeah, they just keep going into areas that have too many people, which on one hand you'd be like, okay.

[42:23] The bad guys won't be able to do anything because they don't want to risk getting caught.

[42:29] But they show time and again that they don't care just firing machine guns.

[42:33] Yeah, well, that's what I was about to say.

[42:35] When they walk into this casino, they're just like fucking blowing the shit up there.

[42:39] They don't care about –

[42:41] The small business owners who run this place.

[42:45] They don't care about whether they have insurance or not or most likely not.

[42:50] And that's when Dan sat back and said, I'm just going to sit here and wait for the police to come up and arrest these men.

[42:57] But that doesn't happen because who gets the drop on this street gang first?

[43:01] It's the three mean elves, which is the leader.

[43:05] The three mean elves.

[43:07] It's like a terrible children's book.

[43:09] Well, they read the credits I guess.

[43:11] It's the leader, Lela, and there are two hench people.

[43:14] One is a bald guy, and the other is a woman.

[43:16] They're all X versus Severus.

[43:18] They're just super fighters.

[43:20] They're like if somebody scanned an Evanescence CD and was like, make a person out of this.

[43:26] And they are maybe the most boring villains I've seen in a movie in a long time.

[43:31] What are you talking about? They do all those flips?

[43:33] They just do lots of flips, lots of side jokes.

[43:35] They certainly don't talk.

[43:37] They barely talk, and they just kind of look at each other.

[43:39] There's a seat they like, and they slit people's throats.

[43:42] They're kicking them. They're shooting them.

[43:44] But their big weakness is any time a blunt object is thrown at their heads, this could be just a barrel.

[43:50] This could be a big jug of water, anything.

[43:53] Now I will interject that Numia Rapace plays the leader of these mean elves.

[43:58] Three mean elves.

[43:59] Three mean elves, and she – I mean I think she does a fair amount with basically nothing.

[44:05] She has no –

[44:06] She's given nothing.

[44:07] And she tries to do something and adds some strangeness and otherness to this character, so she's great.

[44:15] Oh, yeah. I mean this is – I will say –

[44:17] When she's not flipping and kicking.

[44:18] When it comes to – like any performer in this is doing their best.

[44:22] Like I couldn't – it's hard for me to think of any performer in this where I was like, ooh.

[44:26] Like they are – they have been given not the top-quality-est material to work with, and they're all trying as hard as they can.

[44:33] And God bless them.

[44:36] You know what?

[44:37] Dark One, bless them because they're trying their best, and they're doing their best.

[44:40] They're all trying to get this Netflix movie thing off the ground.

[44:42] Grandma Cailin comes back.

[44:44] You know what?

[44:45] Bless their sweethearts.

[44:47] They're just doing what they can with what God gave them, and by God I mean David Ayers and Max Landis.

[44:53] So they're on the run.

[44:55] A lot of this movie is them running from people, finding a place they think they might be safe.

[44:59] Then someone comes along and attacks them, and it's constantly raining, and they can't trust anybody because they don't know who's a dirty cop or not.

[45:05] Meanwhile, the federal agents, this kind of Sam and Twitch type duo, one is a slobby big human, and the other is a fancy elf dressed like Ray Tango from Tango and Cash.

[45:16] They're just kind of hovering around the edges following them, and it's – you're waiting for the moment when these guys are going to play like a big part in the movie.

[45:23] Hey, guess what?

[45:25] They only exist to communicate the plot in that one scene, and otherwise they just kind of hang around.

[45:29] Oh, and to exonerate people at the end.

[45:31] That's true, and to pull a – okay, good.

[45:34] We fixed it all up, even though you blew up a bunch of buildings and killed a bunch of cops.

[45:39] Well, they – the heroes try to bring them into the main movie by calling them on a cell phone, and midway through the conversation, the three mean elves use a fire axe to chop down a cell phone tower, I guess.

[45:53] They just chop a wire, and it sparks, and the call cuts out?

[45:57] We have to assume that in this fantasy world, that's how cell phones work.

[46:00] Do cell phones work on a landline system?

[46:03] Yeah, they found the one tower of services that – yeah.

[46:07] Yeah, it's the dark tower.

[46:08] Yeah, they use their fucking scrying magic.

[46:10] Here's how cell phones work in this universe.

[46:14] It's all magic, and they found the wire that brings the magic from the magic plant over to the phone magic box.

[46:24] So they cut it.

[46:25] The phone magic box just stopped.

[46:27] Meanwhile, at the phone – at the magic plant, you got these guys being like, hey, what happened to our wires?

[46:32] In the middle of the night always?

[46:33] All right, get in the truck.

[46:34] Let's go.

[46:35] And the three mean elves are like, let's get out of here.

[46:37] Let's get out of here.

[46:38] So we have a fight scene in a gas station convenience store, which before you ask, no, it's not as good as the shootout in the beginning of the movie Cobra.

[46:49] It's not even as good as the shootout in the movie Loaded Weapon 1 that takes place in a similar setting.

[46:55] When there's that row of cans with a guy's – with a lumberjack or whatever on them, and they get shot all in the crotch, so when the liquid comes out, it looks like the guy in the can is peeing in it.

[47:04] That's a good bit.

[47:05] Yeah, Loaded Weapon 1, hit movie.

[47:07] It was the fatal instinct of his day.

[47:09] I remember like – what was it?

[47:11] Like was it Comedy – the Comedy Channel or was it Ha that had Short Attention Spam Theater?

[47:18] I mean that was on Comedy Central, so I don't know what it started on, but Short Attention Spam Theater was on.

[47:22] I didn't get Comedy Central until after those two channels had merged.

[47:27] So Short Attention Spam Theater was on it at the same time or unless you think of Two Drink Minimum, which was also on Comedy Central.

[47:32] Well, it was one of these –

[47:33] Are you thinking of Limbo Land, Small Doses?

[47:36] I think it was one of these shows that they had probably –

[47:39] Small Doses of the Orient?

[47:40] Probably on the Comedy Channel.

[47:42] That was just a bunch of clips of other things.

[47:44] Well, that was Short Attention Spam Theater, yeah.

[47:46] I just remember that over and over again they would show a scene from Loaded Weapon 1.

[47:51] Just like a clip from that.

[47:53] I remember when Short Attention Spam Theater was premiering Comedy Central's movie about Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.

[48:00] They advertised the shit out of it, and it was maybe four and a half minutes long.

[48:05] It was basically a comedy sketch, but they kept promoting it like Comedy Central's first movie.

[48:10] We've got it right here, and I remember getting so excited about it.

[48:13] It was the I, Tonya of its day.

[48:15] It was literally like a four-minute movie maybe someone had independently produced, and they got a hold of it, but they built it up like it was this big thing.

[48:24] Anyway.

[48:26] Early days of cable when no one had any idea what to put on television.

[48:31] I think that was when Marc Maron was still hosting Short Attention Spam Theater, but I'm not sure.

[48:34] Probably.

[48:35] Anyway.

[48:36] Let's ask him. He's on a podcast too, right?

[48:38] We're automatically colleagues.

[48:40] I guess let's leave this house and go down the street in pod-Castlevania over to his house.

[48:46] Go to the cat ranch.

[48:49] We just have to answer his questions three, who our guys are, what Lauren said to us.

[48:58] And what our dads did for a living.

[49:02] And then we can ask him.

[49:03] And whether or not he and I have beef.

[49:07] We got to listen and play guitar for a while.

[49:11] Anyway.

[49:12] Pioneering show.

[49:14] Yeah, sure.

[49:15] Yeah.

[49:16] I mean, we're showing that we've listened to it before.

[49:18] Yeah, many times.

[49:20] Yeah.

[49:21] I mean, I've listened to minutes 11 through the end of the show many times.

[49:25] Oh, let me loosen my collar.

[49:29] Oh, ouch.

[49:30] Anyways, they're on the run from these mean elves.

[49:33] Let's talk about this dumb movie about elves and cows.

[49:36] They get picked up by an orc gang, and the orc gang is really mad.

[49:40] And they're especially mad at Nick Jacoby for turning against his fellow orcs and being a cop for the man.

[49:46] This is a tough scene for me to watch because the orc gang leader's makeup is so puffy.

[49:53] He's got like this big –

[49:55] He's like the Robert Zadar of orcs.

[49:57] He's got the biggest head with these two tiny little toes.

[50:00] Sticking out of it. I will say the skin makeup not terrible in mostly works

[50:03] The tusk makeup is the tusk prosthetics are not great

[50:06] I would say I'm not gonna give I'm not gonna throw much shade toward the skin makeup. I wish the I wish the like costume department

[50:14] did something

[50:16] Like did something I mean, I'm sure their direction was they were trying to make it look realistic and they're like what?

[50:23] Well, but that work gang does have like a shaman who wears a deer skull at that point. I'm into it. Give me that

[50:30] Just hanging around

[50:31] It's like and that's like comes in is like I thought we were all wearing it tonight

[50:36] Yeah, guys

[50:38] I love my jersey at home. So I had to wear this cloak with a deer skull on it. Anyway, uh

[50:44] He tell the gang leader tells his son shoot that work and the son says I can't do it because I'm the hork

[50:51] I'm the orc he let get away. He saved my life. So the gang leaders like oh and you think you're paraphrasing all but that's it

[50:58] Yeah, but you think this is the moment? I'll say work ish, too. So I don't know. It's like

[51:04] Yeah, you think this is the moment where he's gonna be like you did that maybe you do look out for your orcs

[51:09] But instead the gang leaders like go son. I'll do this myself. Then he shoots Nick and that's when

[51:15] Tika decides to get that wand out and do a little something

[51:18] You're probably wondering hey, you guys haven't mentioned Tika in a while. Is she still in the movie?

[51:23] She's been in the movie the whole time occasionally chirping like Leeloo from the fifth element

[51:29] She but significantly less of a presence

[51:31] there's one scene where Will Smith and

[51:33] Before the big fight at the drugs at the drug store at the gas station

[51:37] Will Smith and Nick are and George and are bandaging their wounds and they have a conversation about are they like

[51:44] Really like figure out some of the beef between them and they break down

[51:48] Spend too much time looking at all the really cool graffiti written on the walls like orcs suck and fuck off or

[51:55] And but and it during that scene

[51:58] She's in that she's there in the room with him with them Tika. She's gonna happen. What nothing

[52:03] Yeah, she's in the room where it happened the room where it happens

[52:05] That's where she wants to be in it because when Alexander Hamilton as Tika, what do you if you'd stand for nothing burr?

[52:11] What do you fall for and she was like, I'm not burr. I'm Tika

[52:14] But I want to be in the room where it happens, you know, and then a banjo we're really weird production of the show

[52:19] Yeah, there's bridleton

[52:21] What's your name, man? Nick Jacobi?

[52:25] Really? Cuz you're an orc shouldn't you have a name like Tharg fangtooth? Nope, Nick Jacobi

[52:31] No, they keep pressing it Jacoby. So which also made me think of Jacoby and Myers

[52:35] So the whole movie I'm thinking of Tika masala and Jacoby and Myers very hard to focus

[52:40] You're hungry. You want to sue someone? You don't know

[52:45] All upside down anyway good thing there wasn't a character named cars for kids

[52:59] There's a part where the internal affairs guys show up and they're the slimiest guys and they want Will Smith to wear a wire so

[53:06] That he can trap Nick into into admitting something and they should have just named them Selena and bars

[53:11] Yeah, I mean we made the joke before but they should have been like lizard people or rat people or the two guys from hot

[53:18] fuzz

[53:19] But anyway, so they're they're talking out their issues in the bathroom and this is one of the better scenes in the movie

[53:25] I felt like this is one of the better like more heartfelt scenes Tika is just creeping around in the corners

[53:30] Pretending she doesn't know what a hand dryer does and kind of just like

[53:34] Gazing at it in awe and like putting her hands kind of close to it, but not close enough to turn it on

[53:39] Yeah, like a feral child because like we're to believe that elves are like integrated

[53:45] That's the thing is like we don't really know

[53:49] We haven't they haven't really established what elves are like though

[53:53] The images we've seen would indicate that they're just like rich people 1% Yeah

[53:58] maybe she's so rich that she's never been in a public restroom before and she's never seen a

[54:04] Hand-dryer the same way that like that would mean that that character would have like

[54:07] Like traits and not just be like a weird like feral child. I mean the character would have really have to poop

[54:17] I mean just I mean law of averages. Yeah when you consider like how much food can a person eat Elliot?

[54:26] Maybe they just absorb dandelion pollen

[54:29] so assuming that that elf has been eating a certain amount of dandelion pollen and

[54:34] I'm assuming she's done some level of squats over the course of the day. That's gonna get stuff moving

[54:49] Here's something that just in the way you pronounce the word elf that makes me think what if instead of L's being the 1%

[54:55] Like

[55:00] They're always eating cats and instead you have these like very short furry puppets that are trying to bring back the Dark Lord

[55:07] And they're like, hey Willie Will Smith that is

[55:14] Yeah, and in this version of LA the streets are riddled with what like holes in the ground so the puppeteers can

[55:21] Like

[55:23] They're like damn Al's cutting up the streets making it hard to drive so they can walk around with their puppeteers. Oh

[55:32] Okay, but what would be the orcs in that what like the diet like sink miss Sinclair from the dinosaurs show or what?

[55:43] Like the end and the and the cop is of course the grown-up baby dinosaur

[55:48] So he's like, you know what ever since I was talking to not the mama. I wanted to be a cop

[55:53] Yeah, ever since I was the baby gotta love me. I wanted to be I wanted to wear a badge. I

[55:58] Guess that's just Theodore Rex. Here's the thing. I mean this movie's Theodore Rex, right?

[56:04] Yeah, except without will be will Smith is in the whoopie Goldberg role. That's true. Letters in the Theodore Rex role

[56:11] But it's Theodore Rex the grown-up baby from the from the Sinclair family

[56:15] I mean, I think you could start tracing lines Elliot. Yeah

[56:24] Get out our work board

[56:27] And get all the red string we all right, I'll go down to Michael's I guess

[56:32] Don't go to Hobby Lobby

[56:34] Pick it up from I want to see that scene in a movie

[56:36] We're like the guy has to go to the craft store. He's like, it's like, where's the push pins?

[56:42] No, you know I'm a skull

[56:44] Project. No, this is an evidence board. Oh you want our evidence board section?

[56:48] He's putting together his evidence board and he's like, of course

[56:51] the operation paperclip

[56:54] Nazi scientists Jenga and then he's rolling the yarn and he runs out and he's like, uh,

[57:00] I got to remember this connection when I well I run to the store and get this yarn. So in his his head

[57:05] He's just like Oswald JFK assassination Oswald

[57:08] He's repeating himself that that himself while he drives over to Michaels gets the yarn pays for it comes back and then you know when

[57:14] He comes back. He's gonna forget it. Isn't it? He walks in and his wife is like, honey. Did you get that?

[57:19] He's like what? Oh, I forgot what my connection was

[57:22] I feel like an evidence board like that with red string where you're trying to draw the leads and all and you just can't make

[57:28] It work because you don't have enough like the thread runs out

[57:31] Sounds like a puzzle you would find in like a video game where you're like, well, I made the connections wrong

[57:37] I got to go back to the start

[57:39] So it's missed basically. Yeah, I guess I flipped the wrong switch somewhere along the lines of this pneumatic tube

[57:44] Guess I'll just keep flipping switches who built this island. I guess we'll never know

[57:49] leisure suit Larry

[57:56] Okay, so right so

[57:59] Nick gets shot by the orc gang leader and Lila uses her wand to bring him back. Sorry Tika

[58:05] I apologize

[58:07] T got which stupid name you were talking about. Yes. Thank you

[58:10] Tika uses her wand in wants to apologize to any of our listeners who might be named Tika or

[58:16] Elves or orcs who might be listening Tharg Clark if you're listening, I apologize

[58:22] She he uses she uses her wands to bring him back to life and the other orcs are like

[58:27] What and the orc shaman with the deer skull who up to this point has said very little says oh he is risen

[58:33] this is the prophecy or some nonsense and

[58:36] Everyone bows down and they let Will Smith and Tika and Nick go and I do love what you're saying before

[58:41] I don't want to like totally like gloss past it too fast. The fact that it was totally immaterial that he saved

[58:55] You're like, oh this is gonna be the plaque and tributes that gets them out

[58:57] It's like no the plaque and tributes that gets them out is she has a magic wand

[59:00] And you're at that point you're like, why do they care if they get shot at this point?

[59:07] Yeah, can't she just met and also there's a fight later on where Leela?

[59:11] Hit shoots her magic wand at Will Smith and knocks him against a wall and it's like couldn't that magic wand blow up a car earlier?

[59:18] Yeah, shouldn't Will Smith be dead a fight right now? Yeah, except perhaps there's more to Will Smith than meets the eye

[59:24] He's not a transformer

[59:25] Okay, cuz you gotta be excited or even a trans morpher, but we'll get there

[59:29] So

[59:31] Let's cut to the chase the either mean elves catch up with the good guy elf and the other ones

[59:37] They've managed to make it to the mean elves hideout

[59:39] Which is a pool and like in a basement that glows and there's a tree growing out of it

[59:43] I'm not quite there was why they had to go there. Well, it's and it's at the original crime scene

[59:50] Like didn't they investigate the fucking property?

[59:53] About like healing Tika Tika is sick at this point. Uh-huh. So they got a fucking

[1:00:00] Resurrected this guy. It's unclear, but that's yeah, they have to differ in the

[1:00:06] Tank yeah

[1:00:08] So but Lila tracks them down fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

[1:00:13] Will Smith gets his whole hands on the wand in order to save the deck Lila and Tika have a moment where

[1:00:19] Suddenly we're supposed to give a shit that they're sisters and one of them has betrayed the other and it's like I don't care

[1:00:25] Not since the show sisters have I cared so little about a sisterhood right now

[1:00:29] Well, I would if they talked about their traveling pants right now

[1:00:33] I'd be like this is a more interesting sisterhood than the one I'm watching

[1:00:36] I wish there was some kind of divine

[1:00:38] Yaya sisterhood involved in this because that would be a more interesting sisterhood than these two or magic elves trying to bring a dark lord

[1:00:44] Back to a regular yaya sisterhood

[1:00:48] Get me because to air is human but to yaya is divine

[1:00:52] They're fighting and Will Smith is like Nick shoot her in the head and his gun is out of bullets and

[1:00:59] He says he grabs the wand thinking if I touch it

[1:01:03] I'll explode and I'll kill everybody here and that'll stop the bad guys. But no when he touches the wand

[1:01:08] He's a bright. He's got magic

[1:01:11] The prophecy was about yeah

[1:01:13] He's all prophesied because of course the prophecy is gonna be about the big star hero of the movie

[1:01:18] Who could have seen that one coming just like how in Tinkertail or soldier spy?

[1:01:22] How are we gonna know that the mole would turn out to be the biggest star in the movie?

[1:01:26] Colin Firth picked up a magic wand and everybody's like, holy shit

[1:01:30] Gary Oldman's dying. Tinkertail or wizard spy

[1:01:33] But that was one of one of the were like if you've been complaining about this for years

[1:01:39] Since the movie came out. It is poor casting was like hmm. Who's the mole gonna be?

[1:01:44] Is it gonna be the big star? I was Toby Jones. I was reading I was giving my vows at my wedding in LA

[1:01:57] This is otherwise a very good movie except for the one scene where Benedict Cumberbatch's boyfriend breaks up with him

[1:02:03] And he makes a sad face. That is hilarious. Oh

[1:02:08] Wow, he's great at doing New York accents. He's great at doing sad face. What can't Benedict Cumberbatch do?

[1:02:15] So Will Smith saves the day and blows up the evil the mean elf and it was at this point where I was like

[1:02:21] It can't be that easy. Certainly. The Dark Lord is gonna come up to

[1:02:37] Carol Burnett would pull on her earlobe to talk to her grandma

[1:02:40] That was my way of in code making sure they knew I was sure sure did right now

[1:02:45] But I the Dark Lord doesn't get doesn't get woken up because I guess that's gonna be saved for bright three the bright

[1:02:51] I kept it like yeah when there's all this talk of the Dark Lord

[1:02:53] I kept expecting it to get a lot closer to the Dark Lord actually coming. Yeah

[1:02:59] Well now when you say coming here the fact that the wand always looks like it's dripping jizz

[1:03:04] Yeah glowing jizz

[1:03:06] No, but it's yours not wait, that's kind of redundant you're you're just gloves, right?

[1:03:21] I'm surprised. I've never heard a joke before about teenage mutant Ninja Turtles to the secret of the use that the secret is their teenagers

[1:03:27] That ooze is all over the place

[1:03:35] Michael Angela don't tell him the secret of the ooze

[1:03:38] Because they found that one bikini picture of April on her Instagram feed. Yeah, there's a shower

[1:03:44] Master Splinter's like what's that noise in there and Michelangelo's like just playing with my nun chugs, dude

[1:03:49] And then Master Splinter looks over in the nun chugs

[1:03:52] I

[1:03:54] Just wrote a Ninja Turtles movie. Give me some money. I don't know that a whole movie. Oh, that's like three scenes

[1:04:02] But Dan you were saying the secret of the ooze what no I just like it seems like I know how you hate movies that

[1:04:08] End with a glowing porthole that portal or something needed a glowing porthole to something. Yeah, they're like this

[1:04:15] Like it or at the very least

[1:04:18] Something that makes me feel like this dark dark Lord as I say dork Lord this dark Lord is like a real

[1:04:23] Threat and not just and for all we know this is just a bunch of crazy L's run around

[1:04:29] Glowy glow stick and it's I mean the obvious thing I would say is not to fucking backseat drive this dumb movie

[1:04:35] but like you could easily I

[1:04:38] Mean, I think the movie would have been better had like the ending taking place in

[1:04:43] I don't know like the fancy elf land if only so we got a little bit of variety in what we're looking at

[1:04:49] And just to show that like oh, like yeah, this is a level corruption at a higher level. They don't understand it, etc

[1:04:57] Etc, whatever. Yeah, but long story short, they blow up the the bad guys in the place

[1:05:03] Nick gets out

[1:05:04] Will Smith is still trapped inside and Nick runs back into the fire to say all the cops are like, okay

[1:05:10] I guess so. You know, we'll just let him run back into a burning building

[1:05:13] Like what one less one less work, I guess and but then we see a wide shot of the house on fire

[1:05:21] That just sits there for a while and then in the distance

[1:05:24] Through the doorway we see these figures stagger out and it was like wait a minute

[1:05:28] This is the scene where the orc is risking his life to save his partner and it's being treated like it was a fucking

[1:05:34] Where's Waldo?

[1:05:36] You're supposed to pick it out among all the details and find the wizard and the scroll and the dog

[1:05:42] It felt like it was an Easter egg that the filmmaker snuck in there

[1:05:47] There's

[1:05:49] Sorry, Elliot's recapping while checking his phone. No, sorry. No, sorry

[1:05:52] My wife texted me something

[1:05:53] So anyway

[1:05:54] They they they're in the hospital

[1:05:56] The federal magic people asked them what happened and Will Smith makes up a story saying there was no wand and no magic in

[1:06:02] Exchange for covering up what happened. They are seen as heroes. They get medals. The dead dirty cops are remembered as heroes and

[1:06:11] He and this orc cop has made the grades like LA confidential

[1:06:15] Oh, and he and we find out what being blooded means in that the orc gang shows up at this

[1:06:22] Emergency crime scene and they knew where all the action was and the federal magic task force

[1:06:28] Just let some walk up and the gang leader cuts his hands to let it bleed and they all raise their hands to him as

[1:06:34] A sign that of respect and that's he's so now he's blood and he's a full orc man

[1:06:39] That's his orc mitzvah. Mm-hmm blood mitzvah. I think blood mitzvahs better. Yeah. Yeah, right

[1:06:47] Yeah, so I think that basically sums up the movie

[1:06:50] I think there's a bit at the end. It's not in the movie

[1:06:53] I remember reading somewhere that a bunch of the makeup effects artists like one of the teams got left out of the credits entirely

[1:07:01] And if that's true, if that's true, that totally sucks

[1:07:04] Yeah, yeah that does because this is a movie where like I totally love

[1:07:10] special effects and makeup effects

[1:07:12] And a ton of that stuff went into this movie

[1:07:15] I'm just disappointed that I didn't like the movie more. Mm-hmm

[1:07:20] Hey, that's a good transition to

[1:07:22] Final judgment

[1:07:25] Whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie our movie. We kind of liked. What do you have to say?

[1:07:33] Stewart, I think this is a bad bad movie. I'm mad that I had to watch it

[1:07:41] It's

[1:07:42] yeah, I mean there's just so much stuff to it and it feels like it feels like somebody came up with a lazy idea and

[1:07:50] They

[1:07:52] Cherry-picked basically only the like MacGuffin elements of a fantasy story

[1:07:57] They just want to tell like a shitty cop story and then they're like, oh, well, I can just resolve this whole story through magic because

[1:08:06] It's a fantasy story

[1:08:07] So yeah, it's not good. Don't watch it. Don't support this don't watch right to Wow

[1:08:14] Yeah

[1:08:16] Yeah, I'm just gonna say it's a bad bad movie it's not I mean I've seen more boring movies for the flop house

[1:08:22] I will say that like

[1:08:25] But it's not like it's entertaining. I mean

[1:08:29] Guys I think I might say it's a good bad movie. Oh, this is

[1:08:34] very dumb and

[1:08:36] There's a lot I would say it's a good bad movie for the science fiction and fantasy minded

[1:08:41] people who like to complain about things because there's a lot to unravel in the

[1:08:46] Kind of very lackluster world-building and that the story doesn't really hang together and that kind of stuff

[1:08:52] Yeah, there's no world but for your average person who like wants to watch a movie

[1:08:56] I would say don't watch it. Well, if you want to see a centaur cop, I

[1:09:01] Guess go on to mr. Skin and see what the time codes are

[1:09:06] Could be he's not wearing pants

[1:09:07] He's a horse better or worse than the last David Ayer Will Smith film suicide squad

[1:09:14] I would say I like this more than Suicide Squad if only because Suicide Squad this movie only started once and

[1:09:20] Introduced the characters once where a Suicide Squad spent roughly an hour

[1:09:24] Reintroducing the characters to us over and over again. Yeah, there's fewer on-the-nose

[1:09:29] Musical cues in this too. Yes

[1:09:31] Although I think there were a couple performances in Suicide Squad that I liked more than yes the performances in this. Oh, certainly

[1:09:38] Okay, mainly that Jared Leto

[1:09:41] Why isn't he always the Joker, you know Suicide Squad did have the great moment

[1:09:45] this movie has moments like Suicide Squad scrape moment where a

[1:09:49] Crocodile man is working with a SWAT team and they have to go

[1:09:53] Through flooded tunnels underwater to plant a bomb and the crocodile man says I'll bring it in they go. No, no, no, let us do it

[1:10:00] And it's like why'd you bring a crocodile man with you if you're not gonna let him do the swimming part

[1:10:05] Yeah, that's a movie where they need to do close the portal by throwing a bomb into it

[1:10:09] And they're like well, there's a bad guy whose only power is throwing things

[1:10:14] Give it to the crocodile man

[1:10:18] Bad resource management, that's the real problem with Suicide Squad

[1:10:22] Yeah

[1:10:29] I'm Riley Smurl. I'm Sydney McElroy, and I'm Taylor Smurl and together

[1:10:33] We host a podcast called still buffering where we answer questions like why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party?

[1:10:40] How do I be free is it okay to break up with someone using emojis and sometimes we talk about but no we don't nope

[1:10:49] Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on

[1:10:53] Still buffering a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager and I

[1:11:00] was

[1:11:03] But

[1:11:15] Hi there, I'm comedian and movie buff Ricky Carmona, and I'm excited to tell you about a new show

[1:11:21] I'm doing called who shot you join me le weekly film critic April Wolf. I'm gonna call Star Wars

[1:11:27] And it comes out the Clint Howard project

[1:11:30] Film reviews editor for the rap Alonzo DiRalee everything Charlize Theron knows about killing somebody with a high-heeled shoe

[1:11:35] She learned from single white female

[1:11:37] And our dope-ass friends each week the Sun guys were asking me like do I do you need a stunt double in here?

[1:11:42] So for you to skate no no like I was on skates at three

[1:11:46] So if you're tired of wack opinions, and you're looking for a smart funny film discussion show check out who shot your son

[1:11:53] That's what we do and you can find us at maximum fun org or wherever you get your podcasts

[1:12:01] But we've got a few

[1:12:04] Sponsors that's what they're called. My brain didn't get the word for a second there. That's okay. It's late. We watched bright classic damn anyway

[1:12:14] Supported in part laughing and I assume a memory of something you saw as a child that was funny

[1:12:24] People paid like sponsors, here's this junk no

[1:12:27] I thought I thought it was like a remembrance of things past type moment where suddenly

[1:12:32] Years of memories came flooding back and laughed at them Bill Murray's costume and quick change was pretty funny. It was pretty funny

[1:12:42] Anyway interesting one to pull from the either

[1:12:45] Dan what's lose our first sponsor tonight?

[1:12:48] Our first sponsor flop house is supported in part by Casper a

[1:12:52] Sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience is except

[1:13:00] comfortable

[1:13:01] Whatever it is you said

[1:13:03] I

[1:13:11] Was expecting a

[1:13:14] Slightly more. Oh, man. I'm not drinking for January and it appears to be a pairing more when you don't drink. Yeah

[1:13:23] Exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time

[1:13:27] Casper offers affordable prices because they cut out the middleman and sell directly to the consumer

[1:13:34] look

[1:13:35] Casper brand mattresses

[1:13:37] Mm-hmm combine multiple supportive memory phones for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce

[1:13:43] And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100 night risk-free sleep on it trial

[1:13:49] Start sleeping ahead of the curve

[1:13:52] With Casper to get a mattress sleep on it for a hundred nights and return it is what Dan said

[1:13:56] I'm saying now Dan you sleep on a Casper mattress. Would you say your sleep is better than it was before you Casper eyes?

[1:14:05] Think back to your life before you slept on a Casper mattress. Let's call this. I ever so young Stuart

[1:14:11] Let's call this question the enigma Casper sleeper. Damn. Is it better now that you're asleep?

[1:14:17] No, was that that was an enigma of Casper Hauser joke. Yes

[1:14:26] Mainstream

[1:14:33] Okay, Dan, so your Casper mattress you love it, oh, I love it it's great I sleep I will look I don't sleep

[1:14:38] Well, I've got sleep apnea, but if I was not medically inclined sleep apnea, am I right?

[1:14:47] Not the mattresses fault

[1:14:49] Archie your cat. He likes the mattress too. He loves it. He sleeps on all the time. That's all cats do is sleep

[1:14:55] So this is a Casper mattress that if that functions for multiple species human and cat orcs love it elves love it

[1:15:02] Yeah, great mattress and you can get a discount you can get $50

[1:15:06] Toward any mattress purchase by visiting Casper comm slash flop house and using the promo code

[1:15:12] Flop house all one word at checkout terms and conditions apply

[1:15:18] And we also have a second sponsor, which is our good friends at Squarespace

[1:15:25] What are you laughing about? Thanks for thinking about that quick change

[1:15:36] Gina Davis was there

[1:15:39] To put him in jail she plays a cop, right? He said Robards was a cop in that

[1:15:47] You're thinking of earth girls are easy when Jason Robards his best friends with Julie Brown

[1:15:51] Jason Robards has sex with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah, exactly. And in the fly where Jason Robards also made Roberts

[1:16:01] Ebert and Roberts also has sex with Jeff Goldblum

[1:16:06] And cut Roberts Island the movie plays a pirate

[1:16:12] The long kiss with good Roberts

[1:16:15] All right

[1:16:16] Anyway ready to start your new business make it stand out get started with Squarespace

[1:16:22] Create a beautiful website to do any number of things like showcasing your work

[1:16:27] blogging or publishing content or selling project products and services

[1:16:35] Projects and services of all kinds

[1:16:37] Look how does Squarespace do this by giving you I feel like Dave Sims service website as the thing where it's like

[1:16:45] Are you a woman click? Yes

[1:16:52] He's a terrible man Squarespace by a story

[1:16:57] There when I was in that sorry

[1:16:59] I'll be sure when I was in college when I was a freshman NYU and I was a freshman and I was in college

[1:17:04] When I was in college when I was a freshman NYU Evan Dworkin

[1:17:07] one of my all-time heroes came to talk at the NYU Science Fiction Club and he ended up talking for

[1:17:14] Hours because he's a very talkative guy and at one point someone asked him

[1:17:17] Do you think Dave Sims really gonna make it to 300 issues of service? He's like, oh, yeah

[1:17:21] Yeah, he but that's all he has to live for I could see him

[1:17:23] He just finishes the last issue and mails it off to the pot to the printing press and then walks in the street to get

[1:17:27] hit by a bus

[1:17:29] And that did not happen Dave Sim continues to live to this day

[1:17:32] But it was one of many times like I feel like so much of what Evan Dworkin said during that talk is burned into my

[1:17:37] brain

[1:17:41] Sure, I have a Squarespace product project that I was wondering if

[1:17:46] It's a web project. Do you think they'd be able to help me now? Can I tell you about it?

[1:17:50] Sure, please do the website and it's called bright world calm

[1:17:53] Okay, have you ever wondered how your town might be different in the fantasy world of bright?

[1:18:00] Yeah, I don't live in Los Angeles, what would my world be like well

[1:18:03] Imagine your usual walk to the subway in New York and when you get there, there's an orc

[1:18:10] Okay

[1:18:12] Do I is

[1:18:14] Working in the token booth because that's right in this crazy fantasy world

[1:18:18] New York still operates on subway tokens now Metro cards are not magic enough now instead of riding on a subway train

[1:18:25] Do I ride in a shy hallude?

[1:18:27] No, it's a subway train. Okay, but next to you

[1:18:31] Is there an elf? No, there isn't they use taxi cabs? Oh, they're so rich, but guess what's next to you

[1:18:38] Okay, what's next to me a centaur an orc?

[1:18:41] Does this work attack me or anything? No, he's also going to work

[1:18:45] Okay, and guess what? He's wearing guess what this crazy orc is wearing in this crazy fan

[1:18:49] This isn't a fucking toss adventure. What's he wearing a football jersey?

[1:18:54] Can you believe it? Okay, so you get off the subway. So what's the con is this website just you asking questions?

[1:19:03] We take no, it's very visual we take pictures that you submit of your city and we

[1:19:09] Manipulate them to create the bright world version of your world. Does that mean we just kind of

[1:19:14] Insert the same picture of an orc into your picture. Yes, maybe

[1:19:19] Still

[1:19:20] Very visual is the kind of compliment you would see on the box for the DVD of bright

[1:19:26] I feel like it's the kind of compliment that a

[1:19:29] Mother would give to her child

[1:19:31] like

[1:19:32] Homemade comic book that she doesn't understand. Oh, it's very visual. Yeah. So anyway bright world edu

[1:19:38] Let's say it's educating you about how your world would be different in the world of bright. Yes, Dan

[1:19:42] Let's say like you lived in like how easy comics used to be called educational

[1:19:47] Let's say you lived in st. Louis, Missouri

[1:19:49] Mm-hmm. This is a normal American city in the 21st century. How would it be different if there were fantasy creatures?

[1:19:56] Let's say you go to the st. Louis arch. Mm-hmm. Guess what you see there

[1:20:00] I want to go out on a limb here and say an orc.

[1:20:05] I guess you got it.

[1:20:07] Okay.

[1:20:08] Well, maybe let's go.

[1:20:09] You go to Washington, D.C.

[1:20:10] and guess who you see cleaning the floors in Congress?

[1:20:14] Is it an orc?

[1:20:15] You know it.

[1:20:17] That's brightworld.edu.

[1:20:18] So Dan, how do I get Squarespace on top of this?

[1:20:20] I want this to look the same.

[1:20:21] I want this to scale for both mobile platforms and laptops and desktop screens.

[1:20:26] Can they do that?

[1:20:27] Yes.

[1:20:28] What about tech support?

[1:20:29] You've got 24-7 award-winning customer support.

[1:20:32] Yes, you've got that.

[1:20:34] You've got other things like built-in search engine optimization and analytics.

[1:20:38] I need that.

[1:20:39] You've got powerful e-commerce functionality and beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers

[1:20:45] that you can use to make your stupid website.

[1:20:50] I'm talking to Elliot.

[1:20:51] I'm not talking to you, the listener.

[1:20:52] I'm editorializing somewhat.

[1:20:54] Head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[1:20:57] I guess someone doesn't want to know what his apartment would look like in Bright World.

[1:21:00] Guess who your roommate is.

[1:21:03] Yes, Dan.

[1:21:04] Yes.

[1:21:05] Is it an orc?

[1:21:06] You know it.

[1:21:08] Head to squarespace.com.

[1:21:10] Hey, Dan, do you have a co-worker or a co-orca?

[1:21:14] You have a co-worker.

[1:21:15] Even an orc is a co-worker.

[1:21:17] Okay.

[1:21:18] Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch,

[1:21:21] use the offer code FLOP to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:21:26] What if I have a failure to launch?

[1:21:28] Well, then you're Matthew McConaughey.

[1:21:31] What if failure to launch took place in Bright World?

[1:21:35] I think it would go a little something like this.

[1:21:38] All right.

[1:21:41] I'm an orc.

[1:21:42] That's Matthew McConaughey.

[1:21:43] I think at this point in the night, Elliot is showing off how living in LA has affected his sleep schedule.

[1:21:55] I think we got a couple Jumbotrons.

[1:21:57] Oh, we got JoJo Jumbotrons.

[1:22:00] Elliot, do you have one or is it just me?

[1:22:02] No, I have one.

[1:22:03] Should I go first or would you like to go first?

[1:22:04] I mean I started talking to you, so why don't you start going?

[1:22:06] I'll do it.

[1:22:07] Who is this message for?

[1:22:08] This is a message for DM Rab, and this message comes from Cade Blanchett, Ocker, or Ocker, I apologize if I mispronounced it,

[1:22:15] Mirren, and Gerald, and they say,

[1:22:17] Gail and Helmet Traveler, thanks for the unbelievable amount of work and great storytelling you've given us once a week for over the past two years.

[1:22:24] Looking forward to more great sessions of Elk Catapults, The Crab Uncle, and Bimmies.

[1:22:29] You're the best DM a mouse boy, grumpy bird, half-orc, and a nasty egg-loving dragonborn could ask for.

[1:22:35] Love you, bun.

[1:22:36] This already sounds like a more fleshed-out, well-thought-out world than Bright.

[1:22:40] I want to see a movie set in this world.

[1:22:42] Good work, DM Rab.

[1:22:45] Stewart, do you have a message?

[1:22:47] This message is for Anna.

[1:22:49] The message is from Chris.

[1:22:53] Hey, butt munch.

[1:22:56] I love you so much, and I'm glad you're finally listening to podcasts.

[1:23:01] With your help, I might finally learn to tell the difference between Dan and Stewart's voices.

[1:23:06] It's pretty simple.

[1:23:07] Generally based on content.

[1:23:12] Elliot, could you please sing another letter song just for Anna?

[1:23:16] They're her favorite.

[1:23:18] I'm being sincere.

[1:23:20] We started listening because of Elliot's singing abilities.

[1:23:24] I guess we're receiving jumbotrons from insane people.

[1:23:28] The longer I went on, the less sincere it sounded.

[1:23:32] Well, that's a lovely little message.

[1:23:34] Yeah, it is a lovely message.

[1:23:36] That is lovely.

[1:23:37] That is lovely.

[1:23:38] Hey, Dan, is it time for the segment that involves me singing before?

[1:23:42] No, let me first quickly.

[1:23:44] We've got to do some plugs, right?

[1:23:46] Do we have plugs?

[1:23:48] Yeah.

[1:23:49] Let me quickly –

[1:23:50] Let's do some plugs and plugs.

[1:23:51] Mic plug, that is.

[1:23:52] While we're talking about things that are lovely, I just want to thank a bunch of people who have sent us gifts.

[1:23:59] This won't take long.

[1:24:01] I want to say –

[1:24:02] We unwrapped them before the episode, despite Dan's fervent belief that we should do all the unwrapping on air.

[1:24:09] He was like, it'll be great radio, guys.

[1:24:11] I asked which way we should do it, and yeah.

[1:24:14] Anyway, thanks to Steve Sacco for the posters, Billy Whitehouse for the books,

[1:24:21] Giancarlo D'Alessandro for the comic zine, Milk and Honey.

[1:24:27] Oh, awesome, yeah.

[1:24:28] John Hendricks for the DVD of Bulletproof.

[1:24:32] Thanks to Candice for the Flophouse zine.

[1:24:35] There's a zine that is –

[1:24:37] Is that the original Peach Flophouse activity zine?

[1:24:40] Yeah, it's –

[1:24:41] Difficulty medium.

[1:24:42] Yeah, it is indeed a zine about us, the Flophouse,

[1:24:47] and I will tell listeners that interested floppers can find the zine

[1:24:52] and perhaps future volumes for purchase at her website, smutpunks.com.

[1:24:58] Awesome.

[1:24:59] Which is now your homepage.

[1:25:00] With all the proceeds going to the ACLU.

[1:25:03] Oh, cool.

[1:25:04] Smut, spelled like smut, punks spelled P-U-N-X dot com.

[1:25:10] I mean, I guessed that from your pronunciation.

[1:25:13] Oh, did I?

[1:25:15] Anyway, so if you want to support the ACLU and get a little Peach's zine,

[1:25:19] then you can do that.

[1:25:20] I do.

[1:25:21] Thanks to Calum Christen for the Christmas card,

[1:25:24] to Sean for the Cryptkeeper t-shirt.

[1:25:27] Oh, man, that Cryptkeeper t-shirt's awesome.

[1:25:29] And –

[1:25:30] That's from Sean and that great band Mega Colossus,

[1:25:33] who I met at the Black Cat show.

[1:25:36] Yes.

[1:25:37] And lastly, but not leastly, to Emily Stewart,

[1:25:41] thanks for the DVDs and for the toys for Archie.

[1:25:45] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:25:47] The Dragon Wars D-War exclusive DVD set that comes with an exclusive medallion

[1:25:54] that they claim is now own piece of Dragon Wars.

[1:25:58] So I guess I'm going to have a dragon kill me.

[1:26:03] Or maybe I'll control the dragon.

[1:26:04] Your dream of owning a piece of Dragon Wars has finally come to fruition.

[1:26:09] I assume when somebody would ask me if I wanted to own a piece of Dragon Wars,

[1:26:13] it would be like a shard of a DVD, but no, no, no.

[1:26:16] We're talking an actual replica medallion.

[1:26:19] The famous medallion.

[1:26:20] So we have a little pitch to do, obviously.

[1:26:23] We always like to promote our podcast network, Maximum Fun.

[1:26:28] And in a month or two, we're going to be doing the Maximum Fun Drive,

[1:26:33] and we're going to have some bonus content on there.

[1:26:35] One of the bonus episodes I'd like to plug right now,

[1:26:38] I think Dan's going to do the majority of the talking on this one.

[1:26:41] It's a little project we're calling Dangerous Liaisons.

[1:26:49] Now, when did we come up with this last night?

[1:26:51] This was last night, something that we conceived of,

[1:26:53] and I think it has a real future.

[1:26:55] Dangerous Liaisons is a podcast in which Dan regales us with true life story,

[1:27:01] autobiographical, erotic yarns from his checkered career as something of a Casanova,

[1:27:07] and Stuart and I interrogate him.

[1:27:09] We're interlocutors who bring out the best, bring out the Hellmans,

[1:27:12] and also question him on some of the points that seem a little confusing or so.

[1:27:18] Yeah, the muddy points.

[1:27:20] Now, adults only.

[1:27:21] Dangerous Liaisons is only for mature adults who are interested in the mature adult escapades of one Dan McCoy.

[1:27:30] Or like kids who want to learn something.

[1:27:32] And it was inspired by a conversation Dan had with my brother about a particular scenario that took place,

[1:27:39] which my brother was very impressed by.

[1:27:41] Let's not get into this.

[1:27:43] I think I walked up to David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother,

[1:27:47] and his hair was standing on end, and I think his face was flushed.

[1:27:52] He was so excited.

[1:27:54] So I guess Dangerous Liaisons, look forward on iTunes.

[1:27:58] The bonus episode might be an audio version,

[1:28:01] or Dan keeps pushing that we do a video version where it's told with the camera just on Dan's face.

[1:28:08] Yeah, like a Spalding Gray monologue.

[1:28:10] Yeah, so he can look you right in the eyes.

[1:28:12] All right, this is not, yeah.

[1:28:15] I know you don't want to build it up too much, Dan, but I'm pretty proud of this venture.

[1:28:20] I'd like to plug a real thing, which is to remind everyone about the Flophouse comics that we have.

[1:28:26] Oh, yeah.

[1:28:27] We had our second group of comics on the theme of love.

[1:28:30] They're still available on the Flophouse podcast website,

[1:28:33] and all proceeds go to hurricane relief through the Unidos Hurricane Relief Fund for Puerto Rico.

[1:28:41] Puerto Rico is still in trouble all these many weeks after they were hit by a hurricane.

[1:28:46] It's ridiculous.

[1:28:47] And we still got to help them, so please donate if you can, and you'll enjoy some new comics by us.

[1:28:51] I'm really proud of the stuff we put out.

[1:28:53] Yeah, we put out some really good stories this time.

[1:28:55] First time, oh, boy.

[1:28:57] No, this time, really good.

[1:28:59] But now it's time.

[1:29:00] Did I miss anything, Dan?

[1:29:01] No, you didn't miss anything.

[1:29:02] Okay.

[1:29:03] Should I plug any of our live shows that we haven't scheduled?

[1:29:07] We can tease that in the summer we will have a live show in New York City when Elliot comes back to visit.

[1:29:23] We'll keep the date under wraps for now because tickets are not on sale.

[1:29:26] So don't make any plans your whole summer.

[1:29:29] Don't make any plans your whole summer.

[1:29:30] Or make plans to come to New York for your whole summer.

[1:29:32] I know you were planning on going to either summer camp or summer vacation or ski school.

[1:29:37] Don't do it.

[1:29:38] Just stay at home waiting to find out when that show is going to be.

[1:29:41] Man, I wish I could just go to fucking ski school.

[1:29:45] We all want to go to ski school, Stuart.

[1:29:48] But, hey, Dan, I think it's that time of the show where we talk about the letters people sent us.

[1:29:55] And we'll go to the mailbox and ask ourselves a question.

[1:30:00] And that question goes like this.

[1:30:02] Hey, what would it be like to get a letter in Bright World?

[1:30:07] A letter from an orc or a letter from an elf?

[1:30:12] A letter from a centaur to yourself?

[1:30:14] It's a letter written to you from your fantasy friends

[1:30:18] in Bright World.

[1:30:20] Dear you, the listener, hey, how's it going with you?

[1:30:24] I hope you're having a great time doing the things

[1:30:27] that you normally do in a city that looks just like the city

[1:30:31] you live in right now, except there's an orc on the corner.

[1:30:35] And once in a wide establishing shot,

[1:30:37] there's a dragon in the sky.

[1:30:40] But has that changed the way that the city functions?

[1:30:43] No.

[1:30:44] Does that change the places you go?

[1:30:46] Does it change the things that you show every day?

[1:30:49] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[1:30:52] Because Bright World is your world, and my world, and our world together.

[1:30:59] Love, and orc.

[1:31:02] Thank you for that.

[1:31:04] All right, so I'll put down my phone, which

[1:31:07] I was looking at during that song.

[1:31:09] And here we go.

[1:31:11] Stuart, what are you laughing at on your phone?

[1:31:13] You know, memes.

[1:31:16] Sure, dank memes.

[1:31:17] Anyway.

[1:31:18] Should I not sing my In the Heights, In the Bright parody?

[1:31:21] No, I think we're, I think we're.

[1:31:23] In the Bright, we've got orcs, and elves, and stuff.

[1:31:27] In the Bright, we figure that that's enough.

[1:31:31] This is a real Lin-Manuel Miranda fest today.

[1:31:36] I guess it is.

[1:31:37] I mean, I don't know any of the music from the Bring It On musical,

[1:31:40] so that's all I can do.

[1:31:42] You were doing the Room Where It Happened bit.

[1:31:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember.

[1:31:46] So this letter is from Mark Lastame with Health.

[1:31:49] Dan, you tell me another recent Broadway show that has national appeal.

[1:31:54] Name it.

[1:31:54] Dear Evan Hansen.

[1:31:56] Dear Evan Hansen, what's your show about?

[1:31:58] I'm not interested enough to go see it.

[1:32:00] Love, Elliot.

[1:32:01] Wow.

[1:32:03] Elliot's at Broadway.

[1:32:04] Drop it.

[1:32:05] Drop dead.

[1:32:07] Gorgeous.

[1:32:07] Would be a great movie to do a musical of.

[1:32:10] Fred and gorgeous.

[1:32:11] I love how both of you went in a different direction.

[1:32:15] Phoebe Cate's triumphant debut on The Great White Way

[1:32:17] and Drop Dead Fred, the musical starring Kevin Kline as Fred.

[1:32:23] Oh, that would be great.

[1:32:24] That would bring them closer together.

[1:32:28] This is from Mark Lastame with Health.

[1:32:30] Marco Beltrami.

[1:32:33] It has to be.

[1:32:34] Hey, floppers, I live in a town where a lot of movies are filmed, Moab, Utah.

[1:32:39] There are often casting calls for movie extras,

[1:32:42] so it's not uncommon for locals to get on screen.

[1:32:44] I was at a work luncheon with my partner,

[1:32:46] and the venue had a movie museum in the basement

[1:32:48] to pay homage to all the films shot here.

[1:32:51] While we were looking at my partner's co-worker's husband,

[1:32:54] while we were looking, my partner's co-worker's husband

[1:32:57] mentioned that he was in a movie, and naturally we asked him which one.

[1:33:02] He proceeded to ask if we'd heard of a little film called

[1:33:04] The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[1:33:06] Whoa.

[1:33:06] Hell, yeah.

[1:33:08] Having never seen the movie, I didn't even realize it was shot in my town.

[1:33:13] Naturally, I went home and watched it, and sure enough,

[1:33:15] he's one of the tourists that go on the first tour.

[1:33:18] Unfortunately, he isn't the headbanger with the long hair.

[1:33:21] Is he the Japanese tourist who can't get over the sight of female breasts?

[1:33:26] Wow, you remember this movie very well.

[1:33:29] Not only was he in the movie, but the center that they run tours out of

[1:33:33] is his hostel, Lazy Lodge.

[1:33:37] Is his hostel, Lazy Lizard Hostel.

[1:33:40] It's a real place?

[1:33:41] Apparently.

[1:33:42] As a very quiet, older gentleman...

[1:33:44] I just thought it was part of the world building of The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[1:33:47] As a very quiet, older gentleman, this blew me away.

[1:33:51] Have you ever had a...

[1:33:52] Wait, is the writer the quiet, older gentleman?

[1:33:55] Yeah, or the owner.

[1:33:58] Write in, Mark, and tell us, Dan.

[1:34:01] The owner is a...

[1:34:03] Okay.

[1:34:03] Don't write in, Mark.

[1:34:05] Have you ever had an experience that made you realize that a quiet-slash-unsuspecting acquaintance...

[1:34:12] Unsuspecting, I don't know if he means that.

[1:34:15] Made you realize that a quiet, unassuming...

[1:34:16] Redline it later, and then you can mail it back to him with a grade.

[1:34:19] ...acquaintance...

[1:34:20] See me after class.

[1:34:22] ...may have lived a very different life before the time you met them?

[1:34:25] I know this is small, but it really caught me by surprise.

[1:34:27] Thanks, Mark.

[1:34:30] I just want to point out that there's a book called

[1:34:32] Where God Put the West, Movie-Making in the Desert.

[1:34:34] It's all about the Western movies that were shot in Moab.

[1:34:38] Do they talk about Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure?

[1:34:40] They don't.

[1:34:41] Oh, that's too bad.

[1:34:42] So this is like people we've known who were quiet and unassuming and had like a kind of crazy story behind them?

[1:34:47] Yes.

[1:34:49] I recently found out that on a show I worked on that two of my co-workers found out that they had both been kidnapped as children.

[1:34:57] So that was something I didn't suspect at all.

[1:34:59] But also there was this guy I used to know...

[1:35:01] They found out that?

[1:35:02] I mean, in conversation.

[1:35:03] They were like, you were kidnapped as a child? I was kidnapped as a child, too.

[1:35:06] No, it's not like a psychologist came by and did hypnosis therapy for everybody as an office prank at the party.

[1:35:12] But there was a guy I worked with once who like, you know, like...

[1:35:18] I thought he was just this like kind of older guy who just kind of lived in a cabin and chopped wood.

[1:35:24] And then one day this military guy came up to find him and was like, we need you back.

[1:35:30] And he was like, how did you find me?

[1:35:33] And they were like, come on, John Rambo.

[1:35:35] And he was like, I haven't heard that name in a long time.

[1:35:37] And I was like, I thought this was just my neighbor who liked to chop wood and stack it next to his cabin.

[1:35:42] Alternately, I had another neighbor who was like, he lived out in the desert and he just wore a brown cloak and would practice his crate dragon calls.

[1:35:48] And then Luke Skywalker was like, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[1:35:51] And he was like, that's the name I haven't heard in a long time.

[1:35:53] And I was like, no, that's just old Ben.

[1:35:54] The guy I know.

[1:35:55] Turns out a lot of people have amazing stories.

[1:36:00] Executive produced by Steven Spielberg.

[1:36:04] I mean, I met a lot of, like I meet a lot of weird dudes at the bar, just weird people in general.

[1:36:11] But I think when it was back when I was working for the hobby store, I had a co-worker who I knew he was.

[1:36:20] I knew that he had spent some time in the army, but.

[1:36:24] As I talked to him more and more, I started finding out all these stories about him, like.

[1:36:31] You know, like having a guy break into his home and he almost killed the guy with his hands and then like getting in a bar fight and then having the earlier thing get brought up in court against him and him having to register with the city of Baltimore as being a as like a potential weapon,

[1:36:49] like a living weapon type thing.

[1:36:51] So that was pretty cool.

[1:36:52] Wow.

[1:36:54] So the guest has been going to your bar.

[1:36:56] Yeah.

[1:36:57] His name is Dan Stevens.

[1:37:00] Dan, you're kind of a quiet, unassuming guy.

[1:37:01] What exciting thing do you have in your your background?

[1:37:03] Don't want to talk about it.

[1:37:06] You have to listen to dangerous liaisons.

[1:37:10] So, yeah, I don't I can't really.

[1:37:13] The closest thing I can think of is my dad once told a story where he said that he was watching the movie on the beach, which is a movie about nuclear apocalypse.

[1:37:25] Basically, I mean, like what is it like survivors in Australia?

[1:37:29] The last humans alive are in Australia as the as the radioactive cloud and shrouds the earth.

[1:37:34] And it's just kind of, in many ways, marking the time until the cloud reaches.

[1:37:38] Right.

[1:37:39] And so he saw this depressing movie about war annihilating the world.

[1:37:45] And he said that he like walked out wearing a military uniform and all the people around him were giving him side eye because of this war movie that like they destroyed the world.

[1:37:59] And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up.

[1:38:01] Military uniform.

[1:38:03] Like I had never known that my dad had served in any way at all.

[1:38:07] Like this is less a story, I guess, about a quiet, unassuming person and the surprise and more story about how little we talk in my family.

[1:38:15] Your dad was like, why did you think I had to register as a living weapon?

[1:38:19] Yeah, he holds up his two liquid metal blade.

[1:38:25] I'm here to kill you, son.

[1:38:27] I came from the future.

[1:38:28] Wait, you're my dad.

[1:38:29] Yeah, well, I came back to have you and then I and then kill you.

[1:38:32] Skynet.

[1:38:33] That's complicated.

[1:38:34] So your dad served in the military.

[1:38:35] I didn't know that.

[1:38:36] I believe the Air Force, although I don't think he ever flew, really.

[1:38:39] I don't know what the story is behind that.

[1:38:41] Are you sure it wasn't the Air Force?

[1:38:42] Tight-lipped.

[1:38:43] Which would be a Bugs Bunny cartoon?

[1:38:44] Yeah.

[1:38:45] He is a quiet, unassuming gentleman.

[1:38:48] Thank your dad for his service for us.

[1:38:51] Someday a military guy is going to show up at your parents' house and he's going to be like, I thought I put that all behind me.

[1:38:57] And you're going to get wrapped up in it somehow.

[1:38:59] It will make you guys closer.

[1:39:01] Yeah.

[1:39:03] So this next letter is from Alex, last name withheld.

[1:39:07] Mac.

[1:39:08] And.

[1:39:09] Secret world.

[1:39:10] Alex Smith.

[1:39:11] And she writes.

[1:39:13] Oh.

[1:39:15] Yeah, like Alex Mac.

[1:39:16] Hello.

[1:39:17] He's in the world of.

[1:39:18] Hello, flopperinos.

[1:39:20] As connoisseurs of the greatest media format since those little binoculars that you put money into and watch a naughty story in.

[1:39:27] Mayhaps a mustachioed scoundrel spying on a naked lady.

[1:39:31] I wonder whether you had a similar experience to me.

[1:39:34] When I was but a young lass, I used to rifle through my father's substantial collection of VHS tapes and admire the various covers, wondering what the films were actually like.

[1:39:44] The one cover that used to fascinate me more than any other was the VHS box for Ridley Scott's Blade Runner.

[1:39:50] I was really into that artwork.

[1:39:52] When I eventually watched the film, I was pleased to find that the cover actually lived up to my expectations.

[1:39:57] Did you ever have a similar experience?

[1:39:59] Yes.

[1:40:00] With a VHS cover and did the film turn out to be everything you ever wanted it to be keep on flopping

[1:40:05] Alex last name withheld PS

[1:40:08] Stu you're my favorite because you're the bad boy of podcast. Yeah

[1:40:13] Tell that to my dad

[1:40:16] Yeah, so there's a couple of VHS tapes covers that I remember from my video store

[1:40:22] One of them I actually haven't seen and the other I have seen and they totally rules

[1:40:28] So I've seen black roses, I remember seeing the DVD or the VHS tape case and it had one of those like puffy

[1:40:38] Cases where it had like a raised surface

[1:40:40] Yes, but no, but like the surface is also like pushed out from like it had some kind of like oh I see

[1:40:47] It's like embossed or something

[1:40:48] yeah, and so it had like these, you know a bunch of it had a bunch of roses and evil eyes and like a hand holding

[1:40:57] Onto a guitar and it's a super awesome

[1:41:00] Rock-and-roll horror movie with a very catchy soundtrack

[1:41:05] And the other one that I've seen the cover, but I've actually don't think I've ever seen the movie is

[1:41:10] What is it in the company of wolves?

[1:41:12] where the

[1:41:14] Guy is changing into a werewolf or something and there's like a red riding hood stand-in in the background

[1:41:20] But the man's changing into a werewolf and there he's like opening his mouth and there's like a wolf snout coming out of his mouth

[1:41:27] And it's this awesome cover if you I'm surprised you guys haven't seen no, I don't know what I'm talking about

[1:41:32] I'll pull it up on my phone so I can show you and you can ooh, and I

[1:41:36] Dan

[1:41:38] While he's pulling it up on the phone, you know, you can talk to the question. No, I'm gonna vamp. So

[1:41:44] Hello, where are you guys from?

[1:41:47] Answer the question Dan

[1:41:49] There was a movie not a movie rental place the company of wolves. Oh, yeah

[1:41:55] Yeah that that cover dude, oh, I remember that cover it's bonkers it is bonkers, that's true

[1:42:03] Google that I guess listeners. Yeah, somebody needs to see a dentist

[1:42:07] Okay, that joke will make sense what you Google

[1:42:11] Yes, then Google then listen to my joke. I remember there was a video store

[1:42:17] in town that had a

[1:42:21] Single copy of

[1:42:22] Blood-sucking Nazi zombies otherwise known as oasis of the zombies. Mm-hmm, but the cover used the blood-sucking Nazi zombies title

[1:42:32] Because it is of course a superior title

[1:42:35] And I when I was a kid, I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard

[1:42:42] It was so

[1:42:43] Over-the-top sleazy and I was like this must be the greatest movie and if you watch it is sort of I

[1:42:51] Would say it's stultifying might be the word. It's very slow

[1:42:56] it has I

[1:42:58] Don't know. It's like a sleazy 70s movie. So there's like early early 80s

[1:43:04] So there's a bunch of like naked ladies running around but that's the only what movie

[1:43:10] A

[1:43:12] Blood-sucking Nazi zombies that was the one that I was like this can't possibly live up to its title and cover and it did not

[1:43:20] this

[1:43:22] Question reminded me of a box cover

[1:43:24] I had not remembered in a long time

[1:43:26] but it came back to me as the same fire sign theater like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist that the

[1:43:32] There was in the video store. I grew up with

[1:43:35] Palmer video in or and no to a nose video town in Melbourne, New Jersey Palmer videos the other store

[1:43:40] there was a movie called LA goddess that just had like a

[1:43:46] Was clearly like some kind of sexy movie, but like hard bodies

[1:43:50] Yeah

[1:43:51] and I was like probably eight then from the ages of 8 through 12 would see it on the on the shelf and

[1:43:57] It was not in the porn section, which I knew existed was through like some, you know

[1:44:02] Beaded curtains. Yeah, it was like it was like saloon doors

[1:44:10] Give me a whiskey and a porn

[1:44:13] But uh, it was always on the shelf and I was always like this must be like a like a grown-up sex movie of some

[1:44:18] Kind but I never saw it but the cover always stuck with me and looking it up now online

[1:44:22] I see that like James Hong and Joe Estevez were in it. So now I'm really curious about this dumb movie

[1:44:27] So anyway, that was that was what was it called Hollywood sex called the LA goddess. Okay, that's one again

[1:44:33] I've never seen it don't know anything about it

[1:44:35] But it just always like was was sitting there on the shelf looking me in the face. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one

[1:44:41] But the woman pulling up her

[1:44:43] Leg, it says work hard play hard, right?

[1:44:46] Work hard play easy. It's oh, that's weird. I'm from the director of night eyes according to the cover

[1:44:52] So it's probably not a sexy

[1:44:55] Oh

[1:44:55] Anyway, never seen it but that cover when I was a kid at least it was like what is this?

[1:45:00] All right, I see that woman's whole leg last letter of the show is from Graham last name withheld cracker

[1:45:09] Thanks to your podcast that just saying it's a phrase yeah, not Teddy

[1:45:15] Well, I mean Teddy would be his first name and Graham would be the last name thanks to your podcast

[1:45:20] I am striving to become a connoisseur of good bad movies

[1:45:22] I recently brought it upon myself to watch a film

[1:45:25] you have mentioned a few times though as at time of writing have not yet flopped a

[1:45:31] Timeless classic of a love story between a comic book writer and a cartoon stripper

[1:45:35] I'm referring to none other than Ralph Bakshi's cool world

[1:45:39] Mm-hmm

[1:45:40] I went in expecting a less competently made who framed Roger Rabbit knockoff

[1:45:44] but was instead bombarded with a melee of grating Lee voiced and grotesquely drawn characters an

[1:45:50] Incomprehensible plot the inexplicable presence of Brad Pitt, and of course, he's a human cop inside the toon universe

[1:45:57] Died in the 40s. What's not to understand and of course cringy cartoon on human sex

[1:46:02] I've had fever dreams that were less hard on my senses than this movie

[1:46:06] But when trying to apply the flop house is otherwise fine rating system. I noticed something odd

[1:46:12] It's not a movie. I kind of liked because well, it's terrible

[1:46:16] It's not a good bad movie because it wasn't funny and I would be too embarrassed to watch it with anyone else

[1:46:20] But I couldn't quite bring myself to mentally categorize it as a bad bad movie

[1:46:25] Yes, it was awful

[1:46:26] But I didn't find it boring

[1:46:27] It's sheer incompetence and storytelling was fascinating as it desperately tries to be both an R-rated horror film and a pg-13 comedy

[1:46:34] Plus the visuals the stylized urban backdrops in particular and the soundtrack kept my attention

[1:46:39] Along with the curiously sad feeling that a movie like this could only be made in the 90s

[1:46:44] 2d animated films so strange. I find it so fascinating. Why just because if Hollywood Holly could yep

[1:46:53] Reciting the ad you saw in a fucking

[1:46:55] On the bottom back of every comic book for four months in the night in 92 or whatever

[1:47:01] 2d animated films are becoming rarer and 2d live-action hybrids even rarer cool world for all its many failures

[1:47:07] Isn't it is if nothing else cool? No world

[1:47:11] Thus ends my book report

[1:47:14] It is if nothing else unique. What other am

[1:47:18] unambiguously terrible films have you seen which

[1:47:21] Despite not being good bad movies are worth watching purely as a lesson in seeing how hard a movie can fail

[1:47:26] Or because there was an interesting idea in there somewhere

[1:47:30] Thanks for giving me so many hours of entertainment on my travels Graham last name withheld

[1:47:35] so movies that

[1:47:38] Aren't good bad

[1:47:40] But are worth watching for I don't know crazy reasons, let's say

[1:47:45] No, I mean, I think I don't necessarily even think it's crazy reasons

[1:47:49] I think it's pretty clear that one of the ideas is that one of the movie I'm gonna mention is a movie

[1:47:54] I don't recommend and it's a movie that we've

[1:47:57] We've watched on the show, but I think a movie that like does he loves basically everything wrong is

[1:48:05] Sucker punch the Zack Snyder film. Yeah

[1:48:08] Because it it's clearly trying to tell this story this like almost whimsical story of a girl who is

[1:48:16] Like lives this fairy tale is like lives a fairy tale existence in her head to kind of get out of the like

[1:48:22] shittiness of her actual life

[1:48:24] and it tries to be empowering but in turn just turns it turns her into an object of

[1:48:30] like desire and it's like such a fascinating a fascinatingly wrong-headed movie and

[1:48:36] It's also filtered through just the general negativity that every Zack Snyder movie is filled when the fantasy sequences are such

[1:48:45] Strange mishmashes of concepts

[1:48:47] Yeah

[1:48:48] You know like out the cyborg world war one dragons and things like that

[1:48:52] Which in a way wouldn't be like if it was informed by others

[1:48:56] I mean we could talk about that movie forever

[1:48:57] But I mean, it's kind of the opposite of bright in that bright is a movie where they're like, it's the regular world

[1:49:02] but there's a bunch of fantasy shit and sucker punch is like

[1:49:05] The world this is just craziness nothing about this world is normal and it's impossible to find purchase in it

[1:49:11] like you cannot you'd never know where you're coming or going and the

[1:49:14] And so much of it is stuff that happens in like a fantasy world in like her fantasy

[1:49:19] But nothing in her life seems to inform why she has fantasies that are basically what like a teenage boy would be into

[1:49:27] Yeah, and the real world that she's in is just as stylized and strange as the fantasies that she goes into

[1:49:32] Yeah, they're just less like actiony, you know, yeah, that's a that's a good answer for that good answer

[1:49:37] I think that there are movies that are

[1:49:40] unambiguously bad bad that are kind of interesting because they

[1:49:45] shine a light on a particular type of

[1:49:47] Filmmaker or not maybe a type of filmmaking but like an era of a kind of film like

[1:49:53] like there are

[1:49:55] wacky 60s comedies like something like Casino Royale

[1:50:00] which is deadly boring and none of the comedy works whatsoever,

[1:50:03] but I find it kind of fascinating because it's this snapshot of like what people

[1:50:10] thought was like, this is the Gonzo sixties.

[1:50:13] We can throw anything at the wall and then it's going to be funny.

[1:50:16] And like it was like this, like this,

[1:50:19] like weirdly like somehow combines being incredibly slow paced with being zany

[1:50:25] and wacky at the same time.

[1:50:26] And I don't know how like scientifically you can do that.

[1:50:29] It seems like they should be,

[1:50:31] those two things should go together and explode.

[1:50:33] Uh, yep.

[1:50:35] But oil and water,

[1:50:37] I mean,

[1:50:42] that's not a great answer,

[1:50:43] but that's something that occurred to me.

[1:50:45] Uh, yeah,

[1:50:47] I don't know.

[1:50:48] I think I feel like sucker punches was a,

[1:50:50] was a good answer.

[1:50:51] And that's also a good answer and I don't have as good an answer.

[1:50:53] Okay,

[1:50:54] cool.

[1:50:55] Thanks for writing.

[1:50:56] So I guess I'll,

[1:50:57] Dan,

[1:50:58] what do we do next?

[1:50:59] Well,

[1:51:00] I,

[1:51:01] uh,

[1:51:02] commit seppuku for failing to answer that question.

[1:51:04] Uh,

[1:51:05] next we quickly.

[1:51:06] Oh God.

[1:51:08] Well,

[1:51:09] I guess he brought honor to your family.

[1:51:12] He's dead now.

[1:51:13] I can't answer.

[1:51:14] Um,

[1:51:15] it's me,

[1:51:16] the ghost of Elliot.

[1:51:17] Thank you.

[1:51:18] I did bring honor to my family.

[1:51:20] I hope you're not a hungry ghost.

[1:51:21] Please don't.

[1:51:22] Oh,

[1:51:23] I'm a hungry hippo.

[1:51:24] I was reincarnated very quickly.

[1:51:25] Do you guys have any like round white marbles?

[1:51:28] That's the natural,

[1:51:30] the natural,

[1:51:31] natural diet of the hippo is white marbles.

[1:51:34] I mean,

[1:51:35] do you eat those so that they grind up the like grass in your belly or anything?

[1:51:39] Yeah,

[1:51:40] they're in my gizzard.

[1:51:41] Uh,

[1:51:42] what's last on the show is we very quickly,

[1:51:45] uh,

[1:51:47] recommend a movie to watch that is not bright.

[1:51:52] Something that we enjoyed.

[1:51:53] Hopefully.

[1:51:54] Um,

[1:51:55] Stuart,

[1:51:56] I think you had a couple of recommendations or maybe you won't do both.

[1:51:59] I don't know.

[1:52:00] I can't speak.

[1:52:01] Uh,

[1:52:02] I will recommend both because one of them,

[1:52:03] I don't want to talk about too much.

[1:52:04] So,

[1:52:05] uh,

[1:52:06] on the flight back from San Francisco,

[1:52:07] I watched a movie called a dark song,

[1:52:09] which is a movie that I really loved.

[1:52:11] It's one of my favorites of the year.

[1:52:13] Um,

[1:52:14] it's,

[1:52:15] uh,

[1:52:16] a movie about a,

[1:52:18] it's set in England and it's about a desperate woman who,

[1:52:22] uh,

[1:52:23] hi,

[1:52:24] who rents out this,

[1:52:25] uh,

[1:52:26] this,

[1:52:27] what this,

[1:52:28] uh,

[1:52:29] remote large manor house.

[1:52:31] And she hires an occultist to help her perform some kind of dark ritual.

[1:52:37] And her motives are kind of ambiguous.

[1:52:41] Um,

[1:52:43] but the occultist that she hires is,

[1:52:46] is very like blue collar,

[1:52:48] almost like a chav who,

[1:52:51] uh,

[1:52:52] approaches everything in a very workmanlike manner.

[1:52:55] And,

[1:52:56] uh,

[1:52:57] I think it's a movie that does.

[1:52:59] So it's a horror movie and it does so much with the location and,

[1:53:04] uh,

[1:53:05] the sounds and the music,

[1:53:07] um,

[1:53:08] and the very limited amount of special effects when used are great.

[1:53:13] And it feels like there's some surprising things,

[1:53:16] but everything in the movie feels like it's,

[1:53:18] it flows naturally in the story.

[1:53:20] I think it's just really beautiful.

[1:53:22] Um,

[1:53:23] and in a not beautiful mode,

[1:53:24] I'm going to recommend a,

[1:53:26] I'm going to have a qualified recommendation.

[1:53:28] I just watched brawl in cell block 99 from,

[1:53:31] uh,

[1:53:32] Craig Zahler who made,

[1:53:33] uh,

[1:53:34] I want to see that Craig Zahler made bone Tomahawk.

[1:53:37] Uh,

[1:53:38] and it is,

[1:53:39] uh,

[1:53:40] it is a,

[1:53:41] another,

[1:53:42] let's say at best,

[1:53:44] uh,

[1:53:45] conservative throwback at worst,

[1:53:47] probably thinly veiled racist story where,

[1:53:51] uh,

[1:53:52] in this case,

[1:53:53] Vince Vaughn plays a massive,

[1:53:56] bald,

[1:53:57] uh,

[1:53:58] tattooed drug enforcer or a drug dealer who gets sent to prison and is

[1:54:04] coerced into,

[1:54:05] uh,

[1:54:06] fighting for his life basically.

[1:54:08] And it's shot in a similar style as bone Tomahawk in a very like,

[1:54:13] uh,

[1:54:14] no frills,

[1:54:15] uh,

[1:54:16] little score,

[1:54:17] if any,

[1:54:18] like other than the occasional music.

[1:54:20] Um,

[1:54:21] and the fight scenes,

[1:54:23] uh,

[1:54:24] Vince Vaughn,

[1:54:25] just kind of like,

[1:54:26] kind of like Frankenstein style lurches through.

[1:54:30] And,

[1:54:31] uh,

[1:54:32] as if,

[1:54:33] if you've seen bone Tomahawk,

[1:54:34] you'll know that the violence when it happens is horrible.

[1:54:38] And the things that one body does to another body just shouldn't ever happen.

[1:54:43] The amount of Mario brothers stomping on heads is impressive.

[1:54:48] Uh,

[1:54:49] and it's all,

[1:54:50] so,

[1:54:51] uh,

[1:54:52] and Vince Vaughn actually gives a pretty good performance,

[1:54:54] but it's also got,

[1:54:55] you know,

[1:54:56] a great performance from Don Johnson and Udo Kier,

[1:54:59] two guys who,

[1:55:00] when put in a trashy movie,

[1:55:02] know how to really fucking yuck it up.

[1:55:05] So if you're looking for something a little bit gross and,

[1:55:09] uh,

[1:55:10] a little bit old fashioned,

[1:55:11] I'd check out,

[1:55:12] uh,

[1:55:13] brawling cell block 99.

[1:55:15] Uh,

[1:55:16] the movie that I saw recently that I think I enjoyed the most was I Tanya,

[1:55:23] uh,

[1:55:24] which clearly people know sequel to I robot.

[1:55:28] Oh,

[1:55:29] I made that joke on comedy.

[1:55:30] Bang,

[1:55:31] bang already.

[1:55:32] I wasn't coming.

[1:55:33] Bang,

[1:55:34] bang.

[1:55:35] I don't know.

[1:55:36] Uh,

[1:55:37] should I mail them a dollar?

[1:55:38] I apologize.

[1:55:39] What do they say?

[1:55:40] What's the joke?

[1:55:41] Yeah.

[1:55:42] Last year they did the song.

[1:55:43] Don't joke about,

[1:55:44] please don't joke about I robot this Christmas.

[1:55:45] Okay.

[1:55:46] This year they did.

[1:55:47] Please don't joke about I Tanya this Christmas.

[1:55:48] Oh,

[1:55:49] okay.

[1:55:50] That's pretty cool.

[1:55:51] I feel like that's a different understanding.

[1:55:52] I mean,

[1:55:53] no,

[1:55:54] no,

[1:55:55] it's the prequel to I Claudius.

[1:55:56] Then there you go.

[1:55:57] Sorry,

[1:55:58] Connie.

[1:55:59] Bang,

[1:56:00] bang my dollars in the mail.

[1:56:01] So I,

[1:56:02] Tanya is obviously about the Tanya Harding,

[1:56:03] uh,

[1:56:04] Nancy Kerrigan incident.

[1:56:05] Uh,

[1:56:06] assault.

[1:56:07] I think that's what you would call it.

[1:56:08] Yeah.

[1:56:09] No comment is what he would say.

[1:56:10] They call it the incident in the movie.

[1:56:11] Uh,

[1:56:12] the people who are like,

[1:56:13] they're like,

[1:56:14] Oh,

[1:56:15] you just hear,

[1:56:16] came here to let hear about the incident.

[1:56:17] Uh,

[1:56:18] but it's,

[1:56:19] uh,

[1:56:20] I give it a content warning.

[1:56:21] Um,

[1:56:22] Margot Robey as,

[1:56:23] uh,

[1:56:24] Tanya Harding gets abused a lot in the movie,

[1:56:25] both from her parents and from her husband.

[1:56:26] The,

[1:56:27] the physical abuse in the movie is,

[1:56:28] is introduced very suddenly and is very intense.

[1:56:29] Yeah.

[1:56:30] And I,

[1:56:31] I know when I was watching the movie,

[1:56:32] I was not expecting it.

[1:56:33] And it really shocked me a little bit.

[1:56:34] How's that?

[1:56:35] Uh,

[1:56:36] how's that Allison Janney though?

[1:56:37] She's great,

[1:56:38] man.

[1:56:39] She's awesome.

[1:56:40] She's great.

[1:56:41] The whole cast is really good in it.

[1:56:42] Um,

[1:56:43] I don't know why she lip syncs the jacket.

[1:56:44] I don't know.

[1:56:45] I don't know.

[1:56:46] I don't know.

[1:56:47] I don't know.

[1:56:48] I don't know.

[1:56:49] I don't know.

[1:56:50] I don't know.

[1:56:51] I don't know.

[1:56:52] Um,

[1:56:53] I don't know why she'd lip sync the jackal at one point.

[1:56:55] It's weird.

[1:56:56] That's just what she does now and everything.

[1:56:57] But,

[1:56:58] um,

[1:56:59] but,

[1:57:00] uh,

[1:57:01] I time you is very fast moving and entertaining and it uses a lot of stylistic techniques

[1:57:08] that in another movie might irritate me.

[1:57:11] It uses a lot of like,

[1:57:12] you know,

[1:57:13] needle drops on,

[1:57:15] on,

[1:57:16] uh,

[1:57:17] music and it uses a lot of graphics on screen.

[1:57:20] And it has characters,

[1:57:22] uh,

[1:57:23] all sort of trading narration of the story.

[1:57:26] Uh,

[1:57:27] although that latter one in this situation where like there is no official version that anyone can prove,

[1:57:34] like at least just makes thematic sense that they would all be narrating their own versions of what happened.

[1:57:40] Um,

[1:57:41] but in this movie,

[1:57:43] for whatever reason,

[1:57:44] I feel like it all works.

[1:57:45] I found it extremely diverting.

[1:57:48] Uh,

[1:57:49] and,

[1:57:50] uh,

[1:57:51] I won't say too much about the plot or anything like that.

[1:57:52] It's just worth watching and the surprises.

[1:57:55] Yeah.

[1:57:56] And,

[1:57:57] uh,

[1:57:58] quickly,

[1:57:59] because I know people like when I talk about movies,

[1:58:01] I saw on planes,

[1:58:02] I saw Logan Lucky when flying back home for Christmas,

[1:58:06] uh,

[1:58:07] Steven Soderbergh's,

[1:58:08] uh,

[1:58:09] like low,

[1:58:11] low,

[1:58:12] uh,

[1:58:13] income version of Ocean's Eleven,

[1:58:15] Filmmaker Steven Soderbergh.

[1:58:19] Makes Mad magazine.

[1:58:22] We would have called him Steven Soderbтерес.

[1:58:27] That's right.

[1:58:28] Um I don't know.

[1:58:31] I don't really have a lot to say about that either.

[1:58:33] I just,

[1:58:34] you know,

[1:58:35] watched a movie on a plane.

[1:58:36] So I wanted to to bring it up.

[1:58:37] It's good.

[1:58:40] I didn't see on a plane this movie you guys probably have seen already and the people listening viola scene already,

[1:58:43] but it was new to me because I got a big stack of screeners for the Writers Guild Awards.

[1:58:48] good stuff.

[1:58:49] But I finally got to see a movie called Dunkirk and I missed in the theaters and I really loved it.

[1:58:57] Uh,

[1:58:58] I thought it's shot beautifully and the story tells is both very spare and very complicated and it gives you a real sense of the importance and the emotion around the Dunkirk evacuation.

[1:59:12] Without having scenes of like men pointing pointers at maps and being like,

[1:59:18] we're here.

[1:59:19] France is there.

[1:59:20] We need to get our boats from blah blah.

[1:59:22] There's like very little of the movie explaining itself to you.

[1:59:26] And I watched it the night after I watched the post and the post is all characters explaining what they're doing and what the historical significance is in the beginning of Dunkirk.

[1:59:36] You're introduced to a character who has not spoken any dialogue yet.

[1:59:39] You don't know anything about him.

[1:59:40] And yet instantly I was like so much more invested in his life than in anything in the entire movie.

[1:59:46] I just watched the night before.

[1:59:47] Uh,

[1:59:48] so what can I tell you?

[1:59:49] Christopher Nolan does it again.

[1:59:50] One caveat.

[1:59:51] If you're like me,

[1:59:52] all these kind of generally in their early 20s to early 30s,

[1:59:57] English men with dark hair.

[2:00:00] the same after a while. So there were definitely parts where I was like, which guy is this again?

[2:00:04] He's over there now? I think that was a common problem that people had with the movie.

[2:00:08] But yeah. But I really liked it a lot. And in case you're like, oh, another epic over long,

[2:00:15] it's like an hour and 40 minutes long. Yeah, it's the shortest movie. Shorter than Memento.

[2:00:19] And it's beautiful. He shoots things in it in a way that...

[2:00:22] He shoots things in it. Oh no. Oh no.

[2:00:24] I think that's what it says on the DVD case for Dunkirk. It says shorter than Memento.

[2:00:29] The way it's shot at times reminded me of like, not exactly identical in the way that like Powell

[2:00:35] and Pressburger movies look, where it's like the color is gorgeous and it's kind of hyper real,

[2:00:39] but it's not super stylized. And just the way objects look and there's a kind of stoic,

[2:00:45] underplayed Britishness to the whole thing that really works. So Dunkirk, I liked it a lot.

[2:00:49] When I was flying back from San Francisco, I kept looking over people's seat backs and seeing

[2:00:55] people watching Dunkirk on the plane and just thinking how mad Christopher Nolan would be.

[2:01:01] I didn't shoot that on film with practical effects so you could watch it in your aeroplane.

[2:01:08] But I mean, see it on the biggest TV that you can see it on because it'll... So it was one of the

[2:01:13] few movies that I've seen recently on a big screen TV and it really helped.

[2:01:17] These big fields of blue, they're really gorgeous.

[2:01:20] Well, guys, I'm sad. We've been spoiled recently. We've gotten to see a lot of each other in person.

[2:01:27] Yeah, we walked in on each other naked that one time.

[2:01:30] And we saw everything.

[2:01:36] It was like an X-Men comic. We were covered up by little bits of steam.

[2:01:40] And occasional word balloons. But yeah, we're not going to be together in the

[2:01:43] same room for a little while, which is too bad.

[2:01:46] But hey, that's the big reason that we got to keep touring, guys.

[2:01:51] That's why we chose, when our father was exiled by the Shogun, we had to choose either

[2:01:58] the ball or the microphone. And we chose to walk the demon's road and chose the microphone.

[2:02:04] I don't know what you're saying, but that seems like it's right.

[2:02:07] Yeah, yeah, accurate. I remember it. You were there, but you were kind of sleepy.

[2:02:11] So you don't remember it.

[2:02:13] All right. Well, it's very late where we are, so we should just sign off.

[2:02:16] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:02:19] Hey, guys, I'm Stuart Wellington, forever and always.

[2:02:24] Now and forever, Kat.

[2:02:25] I'm Elliot Galen at the Winter Garden. Now and forever. Call Telecharge now.

[2:02:31] All right. Okay. The first thing we do is the intro. So I'll do it.

[2:02:45] Yeah, yeah, that sounds right.

[2:02:50] Okay, man.

[2:02:51] Take your word for it. Okay, I'll buy it.

[2:02:55] I haven't missed a step.

[2:02:56] It sounds crazy enough to work.

[2:03:02] Um, yeah, I'll do it now.

Ep.#247 - Bright

Chapters

Transcript

Description