Ep. 252 - The Book of Henry LIVE

[0:00] On this episode of the show, we discuss the book of Henry.

[0:04] Wait, I thought we review movies, not books, guys.

[0:09] Classic stuff.

[0:12] And we're in Toronto!

[0:30] That's a lot of cheering.

[0:41] That's a lot of cheering.

[0:42] I'm really glad I pitched you in the bit this time.

[0:45] Stuart was like, I got a bit, just let me do it.

[0:48] Don't worry, I got this.

[0:50] I believe you said you were like, strap yourselves in,

[0:52] because this is going to be like the old Maxell commercial

[0:54] where the guy almost gets blasted out of a chair.

[0:57] And you guys, at this point, my track record is perfect.

[1:00] I've never let you down with a joke.

[1:02] Never happened.

[1:04] Alright, let's get into the actual show.

[1:06] In three, two...

[1:13] What are you doing?

[1:15] What is that?

[1:17] You like stirring something?

[1:21] If I did it faster, Dan would go faster.

[1:24] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:26] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:28] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:30] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:34] And we are live in Toronto.

[1:37] Toronto.

[1:39] And as everyone knows who's listening to this,

[1:43] Toronto is the home city of everyone's fifth favorite

[1:47] rideable Star Wars animal.

[1:49] Toronto, I got it.

[1:51] Yeah.

[1:53] Solid number five.

[1:55] I understand.

[1:57] And you're probably wondering what the other ones are.

[1:59] Number one, Tauntaun, naturally.

[2:01] Number two, Dewback.

[2:03] And I'm not talking the CGI special edition Dewbacks.

[2:05] I mean the Dewback that sits in the background

[2:07] and doesn't move.

[2:09] Number three, that robot-headed thing

[2:11] that almost steps on Rey in Force Awakens.

[2:13] I don't know if it's an animal wearing a helmet

[2:15] or some kind of cyborg beast.

[2:17] I just know I want to ride it.

[2:19] Number four, that Strider from the Dark Crystal.

[2:21] Disney owns all that stuff.

[2:23] Maybe it's part of one universe now.

[2:25] And Captain America shows up.

[2:27] And number five, the Ronto,

[2:29] bred here in Toronto.

[2:31] I would like to say that I am genuinely amazed

[2:33] that you were able to come up.

[2:35] You started that bit,

[2:37] and then you jumped in.

[2:39] It was like you were jumping into a pool

[2:41] that was not filled.

[2:43] And somehow before you hit the water,

[2:45] it just sprayed in there.

[2:47] Yeah, it just peed enough in there to fill it up.

[2:49] Yeah.

[2:51] Swim around in it.

[2:53] Alright.

[2:55] Someone yelled out, what about Banthas?

[2:57] Banthas are great.

[2:59] Starring Bill Murrays in that?

[3:01] What about Banthas?

[3:03] They're a solid number six.

[3:05] It is too easy to be killed by Imperial troops

[3:07] while riding Banthas.

[3:09] And their tracks are too easy to counterfeit

[3:11] by Imperial troops.

[3:13] So that's why they're number six.

[3:15] Otherwise they'd be much higher up.

[3:17] Again, they also lose points

[3:19] by the fact that

[3:21] people don't have...

[3:23] What do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

[3:25] And this is not the Banthas' fault.

[3:27] They lose points by the fact that

[3:29] Bantha is the same in Huttese

[3:31] as in English.

[3:33] So it just reminds me when I think of them

[3:35] about how lazy the Hutts are.

[3:37] So what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[3:39] Dan's checking his fucking Instagrams.

[3:41] This is a podcast

[3:43] where we watch a bad movie

[3:45] and we talk about it.

[3:47] And in this case, we watched a movie called

[3:49] The Book of Henry.

[3:51] And it's appropriate that you talk about Star Wars

[3:53] because this is a movie that probably lost the director

[3:55] a Star Wars movie.

[3:57] Now, guys, guys, guys,

[3:59] you just said we watched The Book of Henry,

[4:01] but that's a book.

[4:03] All right.

[4:05] Callback.

[4:07] Brilliant callback to a brilliant joke.

[4:09] This isn't a library podcast.

[4:11] Hammering the same joke.

[4:13] Like Hammerhead, a.k.a. Momon Adon

[4:15] from the Star Wars movies.

[4:17] Dan, you're trapped between a guy who thinks

[4:19] this is a podcast about saying things

[4:21] are books when they're not

[4:23] and a guy who thinks it's time to bring in Star Wars.

[4:25] Who's going to win

[4:27] in the battle of the concepts?

[4:29] It's fine. I love it.

[4:31] So, yeah, Book of Henry, it's directed by

[4:33] Colin Trevorrow

[4:35] who was directing Jurassic World

[4:37] and was all set to direct Star Wars

[4:39] episodes something or other.

[4:41] It continues to go.

[4:43] I don't know which Star Wars movie it was going to be.

[4:45] Still a better title than Solo. It's fine.

[4:47] Oh, was it the Solo one?

[4:49] No, no, no. He was going to do Episode IX.

[4:51] Solo was the one Lord and Miller were fired from.

[4:53] Episode IX is the one he was fired from.

[4:55] Who's going to be fired from a Star Wars movie next?

[4:57] I can't wait to find out.

[4:59] Is it you?

[5:01] Contest winners, listen up.

[5:03] Colin would be our hundredth caller

[5:05] and you could be fired from directing

[5:07] the Star Wars movie.

[5:09] How impressed your friends will be when they find out

[5:11] that your vision clashed with that of Lucasfilm.

[5:13] Call now.

[5:15] Kathleen Kennedy said no, no, no

[5:17] to you.

[5:19] Call 1-800-STAR-WAR-NO

[5:21] Director Yes.

[5:23] Hit the pound key

[5:25] and then the extension

[5:27] 456

[5:29] for the original trilogy.

[5:31] Press now.

[5:33] Drag it out.

[5:35] But Book of Henry,

[5:37] this is not a Star Wars movie.

[5:39] It's not even a science fiction movie, or is it?

[5:41] It's certainly

[5:43] fictional.

[5:45] There's some science

[5:47] in it, right?

[5:51] Well, there's medical science

[5:53] and there's like a Rube Goldberg

[5:55] contraption.

[5:57] It's a Rube Goldberg contraption.

[5:59] He was Jewish, not a bird.

[6:01] It's not Rube Goldberg, which I said.

[6:03] I'm calling myself out on that and I apologize.

[6:05] Is that a great Muppet that I'm not familiar with?

[6:07] Or a DuckTales character.

[6:09] That would be a great DuckTales character.

[6:13] So what happened in this movie, Elliot?

[6:15] Let's talk about it.

[6:17] The opening of this movie.

[6:19] I love to derail Elliot right before

[6:21] he starts talking, but even more

[6:23] than that, I love his notes

[6:25] where he very carefully

[6:27] writes, quote, Book of Henry

[6:29] at the top of his notes

[6:31] in case he forgot what we were doing.

[6:33] A long time ago I said, Dan, one of these days

[6:35] I'm going to get organized, and then I did.

[6:39] I only started taking notes, by the way,

[6:41] when I moved to California

[6:43] and I needed to take notes because I was watching the movies myself.

[6:45] Before that, I was a noteless guy.

[6:47] As a result, I often forgot

[6:49] what happened in the movies.

[6:51] No more, thanks to the power of the written

[6:53] word, for millennia

[6:55] man has been communicating

[6:57] across oceans

[6:59] and across time with future

[7:01] generations through the power of the written word.

[7:03] Letters.

[7:05] Try them.

[7:07] From the

[7:09] Letters Council, I guess?

[7:11] Brought to you by the

[7:13] Global Letters Council.

[7:15] A less letter farmer's organization.

[7:17] The sweetest letters

[7:19] are grown right from the best soil.

[7:23] You can only farm fresh letters.

[7:25] So anyway, the opening credits of this movie,

[7:27] it's all diagrams and sketches. We're flipping through

[7:29] the pages of a book, perhaps the titular book of Henry.

[7:31] And I have to admit, when the pages first

[7:33] started flipping, I was like, wait a minute, is this a Marvel movie?

[7:35] No, it was not.

[7:37] When the pages started flipping, I was like,

[7:39] guys, we normally review movies.

[7:43] They're clearly showing us a book.

[7:47] That would be a bold move for a movie,

[7:49] just to be showing you pages from a book

[7:51] and you have to read it.

[7:53] And that's the movie.

[7:55] And it's like a book on tape, but it doesn't add anything.

[7:57] I assume that's what Dracula Pages

[7:59] from a Virgin's Diary was, right?

[8:01] Incorrect, Stan. That was a ballet film.

[8:03] A Canadian director.

[8:05] Anyone?

[8:07] That was my attempt at local

[8:09] pandering. And it failed.

[8:11] If you guys aren't familiar with Guy Madden,

[8:13] go see his movies, both because they're great

[8:15] and your tax dollars are funding him.

[8:17] You own those movies.

[8:19] I imagine Guy Madden

[8:21] stopping you on the highway

[8:23] and you're like, I pay your salary, sir.

[8:25] Because he's a highway patrol officer.

[8:27] Yeah, exactly.

[8:29] He's just

[8:31] sitting on the side of the road on his motorcycle

[8:33] writing a script about the sexual tension

[8:35] among a family of ghosts.

[8:37] And then he sees me speeding by

[8:39] and he flips, he goes, visor down,

[8:41] throws the notes to the wind.

[8:43] His frequent collaborator, George Tolles,

[8:45] I think his name is, we'll pick those up.

[8:47] And then, off to catch me on his motorbike.

[8:49] And that concludes

[8:51] the Guy Madden riff.

[8:53] Anyway,

[8:55] so, all the stuff

[8:57] we're seeing in this book is like sketches of machines

[8:59] and a kid in goggles. It's real precocious

[9:01] shit. And there's a voiceover from a kid

[9:03] about how most people are good, but a lot

[9:05] of people are pricks. And sometimes people

[9:07] surprise you, but sometimes they don't.

[9:09] This is over footage of a nerd getting bullied.

[9:11] It's like, thanks kid for telling me nothing.

[9:13] Thanks for giving me a lot of

[9:15] truisms that cancel each other out.

[9:17] Henry is a,

[9:19] what? He's a young Sheldon,

[9:21] dude. He is basically a young Sheldon.

[9:23] Good point. He's of the

[9:25] genus young Sheldon.

[9:27] And he's a genius prodigy.

[9:29] And let's just say one thing

[9:31] before we get into the plot of the movie. He is

[9:33] insufferable. Yeah. But everyone

[9:35] treats him like he's amazing. They're like,

[9:37] Henry, but he's the best of us.

[9:39] All he does is tear other people down

[9:41] because they're not as smart as him. There is one thing I know.

[9:43] It's that children love a

[9:45] prodigy. Like other kids

[9:47] adore when someone is visibly

[9:49] smarter than them. People like

[9:51] kids that stand out. Other kids want

[9:53] to support them so he can be their leader.

[9:55] Yeah.

[9:57] Yeah. So the Henry's class is

[10:00] doing presentations on My Legacy,

[10:02] which is one of those assignments

[10:04] I don't think any teacher has ever even considered

[10:06] giving a student.

[10:07] If I'm wrong, find me after the show,

[10:09] tell me what you said your legacy would be as a kid.

[10:12] But it allows someone to come up

[10:13] and tell you the theme of the movie

[10:15] before the movie starts.

[10:16] Henry says, hey, he lays some knowledge on the class.

[10:18] One kid, the first kid is like,

[10:20] I wanna be the best dodgeball player ever.

[10:21] I'll inspire other kids to be better dodgeball players.

[10:23] It's like, okay, he's not aiming.

[10:24] Yeah, that's a noble pursuit.

[10:26] For a kid, what is he supposed to say?

[10:28] I'm gonna end what's happening in Burma?

[10:31] Like, come on.

[10:32] He's a kid, he doesn't watch the news.

[10:34] He's not Sylvester Stallone.

[10:35] No.

[10:37] Henry gets up and he's like, you idiot.

[10:40] Henry lays down some knowledge on the class

[10:41] about how we're all gonna die.

[10:42] Let's just do the best we can, quote,

[10:44] while we're on this side of the dirt.

[10:46] Yeah, a scene like that would normally happen

[10:47] at the end of a dystopia movie

[10:50] where the main character's like, why do we do this thing?

[10:53] And you're like, I don't know.

[10:54] Why do you do this thing, guys?

[10:56] Why do you have Hunger Games?

[10:57] It seems stupid.

[10:59] Don't tell me why they have Hunger Games.

[11:01] I just think it's dumb that they call it the Hunger Games.

[11:04] They should call it like, this is it,

[11:06] this is an actual problem I have

[11:09] with the Hunger Games movies.

[11:10] The government should call it like the Cross District Games

[11:13] or the Transnational Games.

[11:15] Or the Kid Fighty Games.

[11:17] Or the Kid Fighty Games.

[11:18] And the peasants should call it the Hunger Games,

[11:20] but the government calls it the Hunger Games.

[11:23] Like, they're telling the people, we're oppressing you.

[11:26] People don't do, it's the same way people have complained

[11:28] about the Empire calling it the Death Star.

[11:29] And it's like, why are you just owning

[11:31] that you're the bad guys at that moment?

[11:33] But I mean, that makes sense for a weapon,

[11:35] like a Hellfire Missile or something.

[11:36] Anyway, Henry lays down that knowledge

[11:38] and the teacher is so impressed.

[11:39] She's like, Henry, you should be in a gifted school.

[11:41] And he says, no, because regular social interaction

[11:43] is important for me at my age.

[11:44] And this was one of many times

[11:46] that I think we were all like, fuck you, movie.

[11:49] The next time came when the next shot is him

[11:52] calling in his stock trades on the payphone at the school.

[11:55] And he's like, hey, I guess it's the good thing

[11:57] about being born during a boom time for the market.

[11:59] And we're like, come on, movie.

[12:01] And he doesn't even put on like a fake old guy voice

[12:04] or anything.

[12:05] No, well, you think it's like Whoopi Goldberg

[12:06] and The Associate?

[12:07] Yeah, I mean, but it feels like,

[12:09] I mean, a kid can't just like make stock trades, right?

[12:12] I bet the ref looked through the rule book

[12:14] and he was like, nothing it says

[12:15] a kid can't make stock trades.

[12:16] Fucking Air Bud's gonna be making one.

[12:18] There's a dog looking through the ticker tape.

[12:20] Oh no, tech stocks are dropping.

[12:22] The bubbles burst, rough.

[12:24] Yeah.

[12:26] Easy the dog.

[12:28] Anyway, at this point, it was like Little Man Tate,

[12:31] more like Little Man Hate.

[12:32] We hate this kid.

[12:33] That's when mom, Naomi Watts, picks them up,

[12:35] him and his little brother, Peter,

[12:37] who was the kid we were seeing getting bullied

[12:38] on the school bus earlier under the thematic VO.

[12:42] They drive to their leafy suburban street to piano music.

[12:46] Let's not do that anymore, movies.

[12:49] It's been done, driving through suburban streets

[12:51] to piano music.

[12:52] Let's not do that anymore.

[12:54] That's the sort of thing that's introduced early in a movie

[12:56] so that people are like,

[12:59] I need to make a quick snack bar run.

[13:01] Let me do this.

[13:03] Henry and I did not realize

[13:05] the younger brother's name at this point,

[13:06] so my notes just say Glasses Kid.

[13:08] They've been working on a kind of Rube Goldberg

[13:11] style contraption in their secret woodwork

[13:14] with a fire engine door in the woods.

[13:17] Dan, you had an issue with this.

[13:19] I just hate any time in the movie

[13:21] where kids do a thing that kids are unable to do.

[13:26] Like in The Incredibles?

[13:31] Yeah, Dan, like The Incredibles.

[13:33] Not superpowers, but when kids are able

[13:36] to rig up elaborate things.

[13:38] The entire movie Home Alone is basically that.

[13:41] Or like your son of Rambos.

[13:42] Yeah, exactly.

[13:44] I've never known a kid to be able to have

[13:48] the mechanical knowledge or cleverness

[13:49] to build a Rube Goldberg machine.

[13:51] To outwit the wet bandits.

[13:52] Even with the genius that Henry is supposed to be.

[13:55] One, Kevin McAllister, not a prodigy.

[13:58] Just a kid who was in a bad situation

[14:00] and needed to figure out how to stop those wet bandits,

[14:01] as Stewart said.

[14:03] So named because by the end of the day, they were all wet.

[14:05] Were they gonna kill him at the end?

[14:07] I mean, I'm sure there's been talk to death on podcasts,

[14:10] but the wet bandits were gonna kill him, right?

[14:12] That's the threat.

[14:13] They were gonna murder that kid.

[14:14] Oh, for sure, for sure.

[14:16] Okay.

[14:17] Definitely.

[14:17] Cool, okay, cool.

[14:18] His hands would be wet with blood.

[14:20] That's where the name comes from.

[14:22] Well, only because Joe Pesci,

[14:23] you couldn't see it in a lot of the shots,

[14:24] but he's carrying a samurai sword.

[14:26] And he knows when he unsheathes it,

[14:28] it has to taste the blood of his enemies

[14:29] or else he can't put it back in the sheath.

[14:31] It's hungry.

[14:32] Yeah.

[14:33] Anyway, I feel like I hijacked a Stewart joke.

[14:35] No, it's okay.

[14:38] So Naomi Watts, it's your classic,

[14:40] it's literally the classic like,

[14:41] mom who is in awe of her prodigy son

[14:43] and the prodigy son is kind of

[14:44] keeping the family together.

[14:46] They are a very quirky family.

[14:49] Yeah, classic role reversal.

[14:50] While he's doing the banking,

[14:52] she's sitting on the couch awkwardly playing video games.

[14:55] And yes, she plays them like someone

[14:57] who just learned how to play video games for the shoot.

[15:00] She's holding the controller out like it's on fire.

[15:04] There is a moment though where he says to her,

[15:07] mom, when you move the controller like that,

[15:09] it doesn't actually help you at all.

[15:10] And it's like, technically that's true,

[15:12] but as I said to you guys when you're watching it,

[15:14] anything that gets you into the mind of the character

[15:16] you're playing helps you.

[15:18] It puts you in the situation.

[15:19] Elliot paused the movie and started berating us.

[15:22] I was like, you guys, I've heard this long enough.

[15:26] It's technically true, but it's not emotionally true.

[15:29] So step off, Henry, by which I mean Dan and Stuart.

[15:34] I'm sorry, I guess.

[15:35] Anyway, but it's a quirky family

[15:38] and they talk in that like hyper articulate

[15:40] Gilmore Girls style.

[15:42] And the whole time I was thinking,

[15:43] I hope my family is not this quirky to other people.

[15:45] Because I have a fairly quirky family,

[15:48] but I hope we don't come off this quirky.

[15:50] What's your sitcom title?

[15:51] The Fairly Quirky Family.

[15:54] I don't see it.

[15:55] Yeah, okay, well pitch it to me.

[15:55] What happens on this show?

[15:58] Why am I watching?

[15:59] Why am I watching?

[16:00] I got a lot of shows I can watch or stream

[16:02] or maybe I just sit around looking at a wall.

[16:03] I mean, you're watching it because you're literally in it.

[16:06] So I'm starring in it.

[16:07] This is what's called narrow casting, Elliot.

[16:09] Okay.

[16:10] In the future, every show is gonna be pitched

[16:12] at one person in particular.

[16:14] Okay, so this show is pitched to me.

[16:16] What does it have in it?

[16:17] It's got Sammy.

[16:18] Okay, great, my favorite thing.

[16:19] It's got your wife.

[16:20] Okay, my other favorite thing.

[16:22] It's got you.

[16:23] Not so much a fan.

[16:24] No.

[16:25] Here's the elements you're missing right now, Dan.

[16:27] If you really wanna capture the me market,

[16:29] dinosaurs, vampires, cowboys, Abraham Lincoln.

[16:32] Let's get those four elements in there.

[16:34] I'm not saying how you have to put them together.

[16:36] Just get them in there.

[16:37] All right, I'll take it back for retooling

[16:40] and maybe we can make this deal happen.

[16:41] That would be wonderful.

[16:42] I don't know how the deal would work exactly.

[16:44] Am I producing the show as well as the audience for it?

[16:47] I don't know, I lost track of this role play.

[16:50] I like that you're retooling a non-idea.

[16:56] Naomi Watts, she's a working single mom.

[16:58] She's trying to raise her sons,

[16:59] but Henry is the one who's really supporting the family

[17:01] with his whiz kid financial wizardry whiz kid stuff.

[17:04] And you know what?

[17:05] It's like they're more like friends and roommates

[17:06] than family.

[17:07] This is the show, Dan.

[17:09] It's called Book of Henry the Show,

[17:11] but you can't make a show out of this.

[17:13] Next door, there's Glenn Dean Norris from Breaking Bad,

[17:16] among other things.

[17:17] And he has a stepdaughter.

[17:19] Glenn's very nosy and fussy.

[17:21] He has a daughter Henry's age.

[17:22] And let's just say it.

[17:23] Henry is convinced that Glenn is molesting his daughter.

[17:26] Now, all right, yeah.

[17:27] Content warning, child abuse, child abuse,

[17:31] and coming up, child death.

[17:34] So...

[17:35] Spoiler alert, Dan.

[17:37] Hilarious fodder for a bad movie podcast.

[17:40] All around.

[17:41] You know it's gonna be hilarious

[17:43] because she works at a diner with Bobby Moynihan

[17:44] and sassy waitress Sarah Silverman.

[17:46] These two top comedy talents are gonna,

[17:47] you know, they're gonna make us knee slap and rib tickle.

[17:50] But not a lot of jokes for these two.

[17:53] They're playing very straight roles for the most part.

[17:55] Anyway, there's a lot of predictable prodigy moments.

[17:57] He beats an adult at checkers in a moment.

[17:59] He does all sorts of stuff.

[18:00] And...

[18:01] Yeah, he does the thing where he's like

[18:02] about to get up from the table

[18:03] and his opponent, who's an older,

[18:06] like an older lunch lady or something,

[18:08] and she's like, hey, wait, we're not done yet.

[18:10] And then he immediately just like jumps a bunch of things.

[18:12] And he's like, now we're done.

[18:13] Which you could see, you're playing checkers.

[18:15] You could see the fact that you could jump three in a row.

[18:19] I mean, like, this movie, even when it's aiming

[18:22] like low, it aims lower.

[18:24] Like, it could be chess that he's playing.

[18:26] You don't know what's going on.

[18:27] That's the obvious thing.

[18:28] You don't know what's going on in her life.

[18:29] Maybe she's not really that invested

[18:30] in this checkers game as a kid.

[18:32] I mean, she's probably got a lot of problems.

[18:34] She's an older lady who's still working

[18:35] in a service position.

[18:36] She's got a plan for her future.

[18:37] And this kid's like, hey, let's play some checkers, Hilda.

[18:41] And she's like, I've got to plan these things.

[18:42] You don't know that they actually have a lot riding

[18:45] on it to make it interesting.

[18:46] Oh, I see.

[18:47] Yeah, he gets extra chicken nuggets is the bet.

[18:51] And that comes out of her salary.

[18:52] Exactly.

[18:54] So he's already a villain.

[18:56] Anyway, his brother is upset with him about something.

[18:59] So he puts on a little playlet in their doorframe

[19:01] where he's like a polar explorer using suction cups,

[19:04] or using plungers and suction cups to get

[19:06] through a snowy wind made out of like a fan

[19:09] with paper or fluff or something.

[19:10] It's like Dan was saying.

[19:12] It's one of these things where-

[19:12] He has his hands all over those toilet things.

[19:16] Plungers.

[19:17] Yeah, but they're in a toilet, right?

[19:19] I mean, not the handle usually.

[19:21] I mean, but you're getting all involved with that, like.

[19:25] Okay, that's true.

[19:26] Who's the guy who directed Eternal Sunshine?

[19:28] What's his name?

[19:29] Michel Gondry.

[19:30] Okay, if this was Michel Gondry as an adult

[19:32] and his younger brother, I'd be like, okay, I buy this.

[19:35] But like a kid, I don't buy it.

[19:37] Yeah. Okay.

[19:38] Did I miss the reveal at the end where it said,

[19:41] and Henry grew up to be Michel Gondry?

[19:44] We call them computers.

[19:46] That's an imitation game joke.

[19:49] So anyway, Naomi Watts and Sarah Silverman,

[19:51] they come home to drink and share stories and gripe.

[19:53] And Sarah Silverman actually says to her,

[19:55] I don't know how you do it.

[19:56] Which is the thing that I think every single mom

[19:59] gets asked in every movie.

[20:00] Henry kind of creepily watches the girl next door

[20:03] who's making ballerina shadow puppets, and again it's implied that

[20:06] Glenn is doing terrible things. Next morning Henry notices

[20:09] she's sad and Henry storms out of the class into the principal's office

[20:13] calls the principal by her first name, she corrects him, and demands that she look into the situation.

[20:17] You're being really granular in this.

[20:20] It's important for later on. She says Glenn's the police commissioner.

[20:24] She needs evidence, and Henry goes, I'll get evidence.

[20:28] They go to a, yeah, there's a bunch of things like

[20:32] that we don't really need to get into. Sarah Silverman is passed out drunk and they have to go get her.

[20:36] Henry is very judgmental and makes catty comments about her clothes,

[20:40] not endearing us to him. In the grocery store Henry sees a man shoving his wife,

[20:46] question mark, girlfriend, and he wants to step in and his mom says, no you'll only make it worse.

[20:50] And Henry, you know he has an urge to help.

[20:55] He's got to step in. He's a kid vigilante.

[20:58] Like at Incredible. Or a kid Icarus.

[21:01] Or he's like, he wants to pay it forward like Haley Joel Osment.

[21:06] Yeah, shipping it is also. Does Haley Joel Osment break up

[21:09] like couples disputes? She's a couples therapist.

[21:14] In Pay It Forward 2 he was going to return as a hero

[21:17] and he wanders the streets. He was going to return after he'd been stabbed in the first movie.

[21:22] You have to return from something. Wait, he got stabbed?

[21:26] Yeah. What? What is this movie?

[21:30] Well, the movie is Pay It Forward, but here's the thing we have to remember about

[21:34] kids who want to help and make the world better in movies. They are not long for this world.

[21:38] They're just too good for it. Like Billy Joel said, only the good die young.

[21:42] Ba da da da, da da da, da da da da, da da da da.

[21:46] A singer.

[21:50] That's a reference to something from before the podcast. Anyway,

[21:54] the mom tells Henry, stop being so serious. He should have more fun.

[21:57] He should be a kid. Yeah, why so serious, Henry?

[22:00] Henry says, violence isn't the worst thing in the world. Apathy is.

[22:05] Anyway, let's... Yeah, it's a very like weird libertarian message right there.

[22:11] I feel like at this point... Quite the opposite, I would say.

[22:13] I feel like at this point we can jump ahead to the big first turning point.

[22:17] Well, I just want to say there's one piece of information he learns.

[22:20] He can't call child services because Glenn's brother runs child services.

[22:24] Oh, and their last name is Sickleman.

[22:27] Yeah, this movie does a lot of work to convince us that there is absolutely no way

[22:32] that Henry can save this girl next door.

[22:34] Yeah, and he goes to the principal and the principal's like, that avenue,

[22:37] we can't go down. It's not going to happen. So he is out of options.

[22:41] He is going to the rightful authorities and they're failing him.

[22:44] It's time for him to take the law into his own hands.

[22:46] And you know what that means? He's got a Harriet the Spy around town

[22:50] putting together some sort of master plan that unfortunately he doesn't get to pull off

[22:54] because suddenly he has a seizure. They take him to the hospital.

[22:58] Neurosurgeon Lee Pace, who you may remember from one of my favorite movies, The Fall,

[23:02] says, Henry's got a tumor. We need to look and see if we can operate.

[23:06] They take him in. Then they take him back to the hospital room and say,

[23:09] it's too big. They can't operate. Henry diagnoses it himself

[23:12] because, again, he's super duper smart. And he has to be alone.

[23:17] It's time for him to go into poring over his notebooks mode

[23:21] and looking at his financial papers.

[23:23] Because much like former U.S. President Ulysses S. Grant

[23:27] struggling to finish his memoirs as he dies of cancer

[23:31] to leave some financial reward to his memory,

[23:35] Henry must now race against time to both prepare for his family's financial future

[23:41] and perhaps prepare for a mission that will change their lives forever

[23:44] and maybe do a bit of good in the world. Dan? Back to you, Dan.

[23:49] And in sports, a local team did a great thing.

[23:56] Stewart?

[23:59] So we review movies on this show, right?

[24:04] So there's a moment in the classroom where the teacher is having all the kids write get well cards

[24:08] and the kid who wanted to be a dodgeball champion, he's like,

[24:11] Henry has to get better, though. He's Henry. He has to be.

[24:15] He's the best of us. He doesn't say that, but that's the message.

[24:19] But he's the golden child. All our hopes and dreams are...

[24:21] He's the one who's going to escape this town.

[24:25] But anyway, Sarah Silverman visits Henry in a very strange scene.

[24:28] He admits he insults her because he has a crush on her and she kisses him and then leaves.

[24:32] And there's this moment of connection between them where you're like,

[24:35] is Sarah Silverman about to take this even further?

[24:38] She like, she like runs off. I mean, he's about to die, dude.

[24:43] OK, that's not funny. OK, cool.

[24:47] Take the temperature. Come on.

[24:50] Where's your social thermometers, dude?

[24:54] Anyway, Henry says to Peter, I'm leaving behind a red notebook.

[24:58] You got to tell mom to read it. You don't read it. It's my last wish.

[25:03] And it's all sad. Bob's very sad. The mom's there. They have a sad.

[25:06] It's teary. It's cry. And it's like even I, a parent who worries about his child every day,

[25:11] was like, move it along, people. Let's kill this kid off.

[25:15] Let's put this kid in the dirt. Come on. Wrap it up.

[25:19] If we can make a pencil out of leaves, we can kill a kid.

[25:25] Yeah. Come on. Finally, he does die in her arms, classic Pieta style.

[25:31] And there's a song she sings earlier, accompanying herself on a ukulele,

[25:35] that she sings to him now. There's kind of a sadness montage.

[25:39] The mom plays video games sadly. Peter's sad. Everyone's sad.

[25:42] And then mom enters the manic phase of her depression.

[25:45] It's a little interesting, because I would have expected there to be a funeral scene or something.

[25:50] No, he demanded no funeral.

[25:53] But it's, I mean, there's...

[25:54] Instead, he wanted his body stuffed and then brought to the classroom,

[25:56] so he could go to school forever.

[25:59] And they said, I'll allow it. He was the best of us.

[26:02] Yeah, I guess.

[26:03] Maybe they bronzed his body and put it in the town square

[26:05] as an inspiration to future generations of children. I don't know.

[26:12] I mean, if they'd done that, I would have known.

[26:13] So, I think what I'm trying to get at is that it isn't 100% clear that he's dead.

[26:21] Is the old, what, comic book rule? If you don't see the body, maybe they can come back?

[26:24] Yeah. Like, she's holding him for a while, but it's like, he could be asleep. I don't know.

[26:30] You were ready to...

[26:31] So, you're a book of Henry Truthers, is what you're saying?

[26:35] I'm just saying, you know, it's interesting.

[26:39] Is it illegal to ask the question, Dan?

[26:41] He's just not saying one way or the other. He's just asking the question.

[26:43] You're like, jet fuel doesn't burn Henry.

[26:51] People laugh when you make that joke, Dan, but when I make the same joke, people think I'm crazy.

[27:00] The mom is having a breakdown. She says to Peter, I know how we're going to be happy.

[27:02] We're going to have dessert for every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a week.

[27:06] And then she starts smoking, which I don't think we've seen her do the entire movie.

[27:10] She's having a real manic episode all of a sudden.

[27:13] She says, we've got to figure out what Henry would do in this situation.

[27:15] And Peter says, no, we need to know what you would do, mom.

[27:19] Lee Pace checks in on them. Peter says his head hurts.

[27:21] Lee Pace says, no, I think your heart hurts.

[27:23] And it's like, who's supposed to be the voice of wisdom in the movie?

[27:27] It's like a chain of dumb wisdom where it's like, Peter says the thing to the mom.

[27:31] Lee Pace says the thing to Peter.

[27:32] Lee Pace probably goes home to his mother who says something to him.

[27:36] His mother goes to the newsstand and the old wise newsman tells her something.

[27:40] The newsman goes to visit his dead wife in the cemetery and the groundskeeper gives him a piece of wisdom.

[27:46] The groundskeeper goes back to his weird shack and the person he's kidnapped gives him a piece of wisdom.

[27:51] The kidnapped victim hallucinates a kind of like imaginary friend that gives them some wisdom.

[27:56] Like, where does it end, Stuart?

[28:00] I mean, probably the imaginary friend. I can't really picture...

[28:03] Like, does the imaginary friend go back to like a not-me style house and it's filled with imaginary people?

[28:09] And they can't really manipulate objects that well.

[28:11] So they just kind of push together a couple of cut out letters from a magazine that explain a piece of wisdom.

[28:18] Yeah, I think that's how it works.

[28:20] Bobby Moynihan tells Naomi Watts was not doing a very good job at her waitress job.

[28:25] Or a very good job portraying a mom in a movie.

[28:33] Like, no offense. Like, Naomi Watts, she's great, but like...

[28:37] She's wonderful in a lot of ways.

[28:38] She's a little too weird in this one.

[28:40] I mean, everyone in the movie is kind of weird from the get-go.

[28:44] It's a very theatrical performance.

[28:46] Yes, everything's very performative.

[28:49] There's not a lot of naturality in this movie.

[28:51] Which again, for a child genius movie, that eventually turns into a weird revenge justice movie.

[28:57] Oh yeah, that's what we're getting to.

[28:58] It's like, whatever, but we're gonna get to that.

[29:00] Anyway, Moynihan tells her, your son in the hospital before he died sent me a letter saying you have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank.

[29:06] She's got like 600k in the bank from his stock things.

[29:09] And she works as a waitress every day.

[29:11] It's called earning your living, Dan.

[29:14] She wants a hand up, not a hand out.

[29:16] And I, for one, applaud her with my hands, which are out, wanting money.

[29:23] She's stronger than I am, Dan.

[29:24] I'll just take it.

[29:25] Hand me the 600k that that kid made for me.

[29:30] Anyway, finally, she gets home and Peter says, hey, why don't we just write a book?

[29:38] This book of...

[29:41] Peter, and he looks at the camera and winks.

[29:45] Peter has done one of those things where he just sort of like flips through the book once and knows exactly what it's about.

[29:51] Because he runs out and he's like, I think Henry wanted us to kill Glenn.

[29:55] Yeah, he really, he Johnny-fives that book.

[29:57] Yeah.

[29:58] And, uh, yeah.

[30:00] But when he is handling it, you think when he opens it,

[30:02] light is going to pour forth, and the souls of the damned

[30:05] are going to scream for escape.

[30:08] He says, Mom, I think Henry wants us to kill Glenn.

[30:10] And the book is written, and the accompanying audio tape

[30:13] he has left for his mother is also recorded.

[30:15] Yeah, you record a podcast.

[30:16] You get the audible.

[30:19] Is recorded to counter everything she says.

[30:22] And this happens a lot.

[30:23] So she's like, well, why don't we call the police?

[30:26] And then she turns the page and says,

[30:27] why you can't call the police?

[30:29] And it's like, it's the, anyway, she

[30:31] finds out that Glenn is friendly with policemen.

[30:33] Strange enough, considering he's the police commissioner.

[30:36] But it horrifies her.

[30:37] And she's like, I'm going to take care of this.

[30:40] But the book is written like a series of memento tattoos

[30:42] in book form.

[30:43] So she turns the page, and in big letters,

[30:45] it just says, check the safe.

[30:47] In the safe, she finds the tape recorder

[30:49] that Henry snuck out in the middle of the night to record.

[30:51] And he's like, it's super contrived.

[30:53] He's like, OK, go to this bank.

[30:56] This will be where you get the money.

[30:57] Take out $500.

[30:58] And she's like, why just $500?

[31:00] That's all they'll let you take out, mom.

[31:02] That's the daily limit per machine.

[31:03] And there's literally.

[31:04] Turn to the right.

[31:05] Know your other right, mom.

[31:07] And she turns the other direction.

[31:08] It's like, hold on a moment.

[31:11] Henry has literally taped pauses in his instructions to her

[31:17] to allow her to talk to the tape.

[31:19] And how long is this tape?

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] It's like a 40-hour tape.

[31:24] She's listening to it for days.

[31:26] Unless it's like there's a box of tapes.

[31:28] And she's struggling to figure out the order.

[31:30] And she starts listening to them out of order.

[31:32] And then she's like, I'll just put them on my iPad.

[31:34] And her iPod's on shuffle.

[31:36] So it's like Madonna, and then I guess a Shania Twain song,

[31:41] and then her son telling her how to buy a gun.

[31:43] And then if you want to learn a language,

[31:46] and you get a language-learning CD and put it on your iPod,

[31:49] and then for years afterwards, you finish a song,

[31:51] and then it's like, yes.

[31:54] See?

[31:56] I want to, I do want to take a moment here and pause.

[32:01] Take it.

[32:01] You earned it.

[32:02] All right.

[32:02] Elliot's now fondling my shoulder.

[32:05] I'll give you a nice backstroke.

[32:07] All right.

[32:08] Like the swimming thing?

[32:11] I'm swimming through your blood.

[32:13] So I want to take a moment here and appreciate the fact

[32:17] that this movie started as like a quirky dramedy

[32:22] about a really smart kid.

[32:24] And then in the middle of it, the kid

[32:26] died and started instructing his mom to shoot someone.

[32:33] I just think we need to appreciate that fact,

[32:36] that this movie has taken a turn for the crazy.

[32:39] That's the one thing I like about the movie, spoiler alert,

[32:41] is that, we haven't finished the thought,

[32:43] but it feels like the movie is written

[32:45] through a game of like Exquisite Corpse,

[32:47] where it's like somebody wrote the first 30

[32:50] pages of a screenplay.

[32:52] Handed it to somebody and says, you

[32:53] can read the last two lines of this script.

[32:56] Figure out where the rest of it goes.

[32:58] And then one person went in and just kind of smoothed it out.

[33:02] And they had just, Wes Anderson wrote the first third.

[33:05] And then James Earl Brooks wrote the second third.

[33:08] And then Luke Besson wrote the last third.

[33:12] Which, now that I think about it,

[33:14] would be a fantastic movie.

[33:17] I want to see that movie, Dan.

[33:18] Let's make it.

[33:19] Yeah, let's make it.

[33:20] Why don't I call up my friends Luke, James, and Wes,

[33:24] and ask them to do it for how much pay, Dan?

[33:26] How much are we putting up for this movie?

[33:28] You moved to Hollywood.

[33:29] I assume you have all of their numbers.

[33:31] Good point, yeah.

[33:32] The Hollywood phone book they give you when you move in.

[33:35] It says, secret Hollywood phone book for residents only.

[33:39] Technically, I did not move to Hollywood.

[33:40] I moved to Silver Lake, different neighborhood

[33:42] within Los Angeles.

[33:44] Don't stalk me, please.

[33:46] Anyway, she buys a gun, because he gives her

[33:50] the super duper code word that you get to buy illegal guns,

[33:53] which he luckily overheard when he snuck into the gun shop

[33:56] earlier when he was alive.

[33:57] She's a name of a local crime boss.

[33:59] Yeah, and she's practicing shooting in the woods.

[34:01] And on the tape, it's like, good shot, mom.

[34:05] And she gets Glenn to sign a permission form

[34:08] for the school talent night.

[34:09] And I'll give the movie this.

[34:10] The school talent show, excellently foreshadowed.

[34:15] They planted references to this upcoming talent show

[34:17] throughout the film.

[34:19] And then they paid it off with a talent show.

[34:21] I guess that's one point for the movie, then.

[34:24] It's not like William Goldman, the screenwriter's complaint

[34:27] about Big Lebowski, where they kept talking

[34:29] about the bowling tournament, and he was like,

[34:30] I cannot wait to see this bowling tournament.

[34:33] Not realizing, you're not supposed to give that much

[34:35] of a shit about the bowling tournament and the Big Lebowski.

[34:37] Like, it's not really about whether they're gonna

[34:39] win the bowling tournament.

[34:41] Not since the cutting edge has it mattered so little

[34:43] whether the heroes win a sporting event.

[34:46] Yeah, it's the emotional journey that's important.

[34:48] Exactly.

[34:51] Mara Kelly.

[34:53] I'm just saying a word.

[34:54] I'm just saying the name of someone

[34:55] who was in the cutting edge now.

[34:57] Anyone?

[34:59] Anyway, she steals Glenn's signature

[35:02] and puts on a form to make her, Christina,

[35:05] the neighbor girl's guardian.

[35:06] Does she just tape it on top of the other form, or?

[35:09] I think, no, she traces over it.

[35:11] Oh, she light boxes it?

[35:11] On her light box.

[35:12] And then her other son shows up, and he's like,

[35:14] what are you doing, Mom?

[35:15] And she's just like, work stuff.

[35:17] And he's not like, you're a waitress?

[35:22] Like, did you bring home dishes to serve?

[35:24] Are you copying the transparencies

[35:27] from your receipts or something?

[35:29] And also, he's the one who's-

[35:30] Are you skimming off the top of the diner?

[35:33] And he's the one who said,

[35:35] Henry wants us to kill Glenn.

[35:36] He's in on the crime.

[35:38] Yeah.

[35:39] I guess she just doesn't want him to know

[35:40] he's going into a talent show night.

[35:42] Uh-oh.

[35:43] They show up.

[35:44] Lee Pace is there.

[35:45] Turns out Peter invited him.

[35:46] They exchanged contact info earlier in the film.

[35:48] Peter's the kid.

[35:49] Peter draws a mustache on a kid's drawing

[35:51] that's hung over the wall,

[35:52] and he defends that by saying,

[35:54] Henry would have found it funny.

[35:55] And then that moment where I was like,

[35:56] this would have been the better movie.

[35:58] If Peter then becomes just a total asshole,

[36:02] and nobody could stop him,

[36:03] because he's like, Henry would have wanted it.

[36:06] And they'd all be like, oh, you're so right.

[36:08] He was an angel sent from heaven,

[36:10] and then returned to heaven.

[36:12] We just only got him for a little bit.

[36:13] So yes, you can steal that candy bar.

[36:16] Henry would have wanted it.

[36:17] Or he's like, I don't want to go to school, ever.

[36:20] Henry would have wanted it.

[36:21] Well, it doesn't square with my memory of Henry,

[36:23] but you knew him best, so.

[36:25] I guess so.

[36:26] You're just a man of leisure at this point.

[36:29] He starts sitting around a park in a bathrobe,

[36:32] just yelling insults at people.

[36:35] So this follows him until he's much, much older.

[36:37] Oh, yeah.

[36:39] After everyone's long forgotten about Henry.

[36:41] Everyone would have wanted it.

[36:42] I don't know who that is, or why.

[36:44] By that point, the legend of Henry has become so garbled

[36:46] that he's some sort of a god that they worship.

[36:50] All right, it's like a cataclysm for Leibowitz at that point.

[36:52] Very much so.

[36:53] All right.

[36:54] And Henry, they credit him with creating the town

[36:56] and the universe it exists in,

[36:58] because of his brain power.

[36:59] And of course, Peter by this point is like 105 years old.

[37:04] And he's lived this old age,

[37:05] because he's never had to lift a finger,

[37:06] because as Henry's brother, everyone did everything for him.

[37:08] And he was the only source of,

[37:10] he's the only one who knew Henry personally.

[37:12] They just believe everything he says.

[37:13] He's the font of knowledge.

[37:14] When I was born, Henry told me

[37:16] I was even smarter than him, and that kind of stuff.

[37:19] Oh, Henry sayeth thus?

[37:21] Oh, well.

[37:22] Yeah.

[37:23] And he's like,

[37:24] the Oh Henry bar was named after my brother Henry.

[37:27] And they're like,

[37:27] it's amazing that that's still in production.

[37:29] And yet Twix, a much better bar,

[37:32] has fallen out of production.

[37:34] Wow, it sounds like some unbelievers right there.

[37:36] It is known only through myths and legends

[37:38] as the candy bar that traveled Twix heaven and hell.

[37:41] That is why there were two Twix bars

[37:49] to represent the duality of the cosmos.

[37:52] And the caramel, I guess, was for sweetness.

[37:58] The metaphor gets kind of lazy at that point.

[38:00] There's only so far you can stretch that.

[38:02] Okay, okay, this talent show,

[38:05] again, I'm gonna give the movie some props on this one.

[38:08] It is a great talent show.

[38:09] It's amazing.

[38:10] These kids are so talented, which should not surprise me

[38:12] because they're all professional actors who are in a movie.

[38:16] It's also great because it appears that the principal

[38:18] is the one who signed off on this thing,

[38:19] but every time she's surprised when somebody performs,

[38:23] she's like, wait, this kid's gonna just go up

[38:25] and burp the alphabet?

[38:28] She's like, ah, I guess I'll allow it.

[38:30] It's, yeah, it becomes this, it's, I don't know.

[38:32] It's just, it made me wonder if this is,

[38:34] if the book of Henry takes place

[38:35] in some kind of Walt Newton-type universe,

[38:38] for anyone familiar with that,

[38:39] where a meteorite landed on Earth

[38:40] and suddenly a generation of incredibly talented kids

[38:43] were born, like a Midnight's Children type thing.

[38:46] Henry was the smart one.

[38:47] That kid's great at burping.

[38:48] There's been a couple of amazing actors.

[38:49] There's that little guy who's good at rapping

[38:51] who also likes dodgeball.

[38:52] Yeah, that's like, he's got two powers?

[38:54] That's not fair.

[38:55] Rapping and dodgeball?

[38:57] Liking dodgeball is a power.

[39:00] Rapping and dodgeball, he can rule the world.

[39:03] I like that they, there's a book of Henry role-playing game

[39:06] and they're like, we don't want to do this kid.

[39:08] This character is too powerful.

[39:09] He can rap and play dodgeball.

[39:10] Yeah, that's too many points.

[39:11] We gotta de-power him a little bit.

[39:13] Gotta add some flaws.

[39:15] I guess he has low endurance?

[39:16] He can't have low endurance.

[39:17] He's great at dodgeball.

[39:20] Anyway, Naomi Watts takes this time.

[39:22] She sneaks out, knowing that Peter has a magic act,

[39:24] which is, I guess, the headliner of the show.

[39:26] It's the last one, because, again,

[39:27] as a relative of Henry, he gets the best spot.

[39:31] She runs out.

[39:33] It's time for her to pull off this mission.

[39:35] Time for some Black Ops wet works.

[39:37] And time for Glenn, what was his name?

[39:40] Glenn Sickleman?

[39:41] Glanzig.

[39:41] Yeah, time to go to Glanzig.

[39:44] I mean, then, mother, tell your children not to walk my way,

[39:47] makes a lot more sense.

[39:50] Anyway, I'm just connecting dots here.

[39:54] This is grill market lipstick trade sports.

[39:55] You might not like what he's saying.

[39:57] Okay, yeah.

[39:59] You may not like what I'm.

[40:00] thing, but fair point. Anyway, what I was saying was not very good. It's time for her

[40:05] to do the crime. She is going to kill Glenn. And at this point, as she goes, she suits

[40:10] up to the accompaniment of a tap dance routine, triple tap dance routine, that the soundtrack

[40:16] is over her getting set up, much like the movie Stow-Olen with Nicolas Cage, in which

[40:20] there is a chase scene set to tap dance music. And by tap dance music, I don't mean actually

[40:24] music. I mean just the sounds of the taps. And it was at this point that I was like,

[40:28] I'm way more invested in this talent show. I kind of don't care if she kills Glenn,

[40:33] but is there a prize at the end of the show? Is it a competition? Anyway, she manages to

[40:39] get Glenn out into the open to a place where she's supposed to shoot him so that he'll

[40:43] fall into a stream, which will carry him over a waterfall, his body to be washed, I assume,

[40:47] off the edge of the earth, Discworld style. And she does this by whistling through a walkie

[40:55] talkie. Now, let's put you in Glenn's situation. Not the bad part. You are not a criminal,

[41:00] and you would never do that to a child. But let's put you in Glenn's situation. You're

[41:03] sitting at home. It's late. You should be at your kid's talent show. She's dancing in

[41:07] the ballet. But you know what? You got to go over some papers, it appears. You're a

[41:10] police commissioner. You're busy. You don't have time to do that stuff. You don't even

[41:13] know that your brother-in-law is the biggest meth dealer in Albuquerque. But you got to

[41:16] figure it out. You're just busy at home with your rock-tumbling equipment. Anyway, he hears

[41:24] a whistle outside. How would you react to this whistle? Would you, A, just keep sitting

[41:30] there and not care? Oh, a whistle. That's weird. Because my reaction would be, someone

[41:36] must be calling their dog that they're walking. Or would you, B, look suspicious, take a gun

[41:42] out of your desk, and go outside to see where this fucking whistle is coming from? I mean,

[41:49] granted, there have been people who walk around whistling that I wish I could shoot. It may

[41:54] be that you were looking at me a lot during that. Maybe he thought, this must be Peter

[42:00] Lurie's character from M, who would always whistle before murdering a child. And that's

[42:05] my thing. This is my turf. Was his name Hans Beckman in that movie? I don't know. I don't

[42:11] remember M that much. It's a great movie. I love M. Everyone, M? Fritz Lang's M? Anyway,

[42:20] seems like you're on both sides of the fence about M. Flip-flopper. I don't know M that

[42:24] much, but I love it. Pick a side, dude. Now you're an M-truther. Whereas the thing you

[42:32] love about it, you don't always know everything about it. It surprises you.

[42:35] But that's the secret of a good relationship. Yeah, that's true. I have a relationship with

[42:39] the movie M. Yeah. Anyway. We're deep in love.

[42:42] I mean, some people think, some people try and keep us apart.

[42:49] Okay. Video store clerks, mainly. Exactly. They're like, bring back my copy of M.

[42:55] Rewound, please. Yeah. There's a Suncoast video down the street. You can easily just buy it.

[43:00] Just buy a copy. That's where I bought my copy of M years ago. At Suncoast? At Suncoast I worked

[43:05] at. Did you get an employee discount? I did. And an employee discount is off the list price,

[43:10] not the retail price. Double discount, everybody. Whoa.

[43:15] Because if you don't think Suncoast marks that shit up, they totally do.

[43:20] And I could swear on holiday time, they really raise the prices on a lot of tapes. Anyway,

[43:23] that's, I don't even know that company's still in business anymore. You don't want to blow the

[43:27] lid off of the Suncoast. No, no, let's dig down deep into your gripes with the Suncoast.

[43:33] This is the time. Their anime section was super disorganized. We bought,

[43:37] I'm an ultimate otaku. It was very organized because I was the one organizing it. We had a

[43:43] wall of anime because that was around the time when every kid was buying Dragon Ball tapes.

[43:49] Our anime section was almost entirely Dragon Ball. A little bit of Macross and Neon Genesis.

[43:55] Otherwise all Dragon Ball. But this was during the time, actually, I would love to do a podcast

[43:58] about my time around Suncoast because it was when VHS tapes were changing over to DVDs and

[44:03] DVDs were still like a novelty and they cost $30 to $40 each. And people would walk in and

[44:08] buy movies they had never seen for $40. They'd be like, hmm, Eye of the Beholder with Naomi Judd?

[44:14] Yeah, sure. Okay. I never saw it. Maybe this is good. $40, please. Here you go.

[44:20] And you're paying $30 or $40 for a weird cardboard sleeve with like a plastic thing?

[44:27] That was fucking crazy. Yeah.

[44:30] Who approved that fucking packaging? It was packaging made to fit shelf space

[44:34] that already existed. But it was so bad. I don't want to display this in my home.

[44:43] Think about me. The other thing I learned was

[44:46] there's a very specific selection of movies that people want on DVD when they are not available

[44:50] on DVD. And they are Star Wars, Jaws, Braveheart, Back to the Future. And none of those movies were

[44:58] available. And then suddenly Braveheart became available. And it was like Christmas and

[45:03] Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July and whatever the equivalents of those are in Canada. All wrapped

[45:07] up. Whatever Canadian Christmas is. I think it's called Boxing Day. I'm not sure.

[45:14] And like Jaws came out and people were flipping their shit that Jaws was available now on DVD.

[45:19] And people would come in every day, multiple people. Is Back to the Future available on DVD?

[45:24] No, it's not. Okay. I'll be back next week. Crazy. Anyway, back to the movie.

[45:30] So Christina, the neighbor girl, she does a tearful ballet dance. And it's now when the

[45:36] principal sees the tears in her eyes as she dances, that the principal is like,

[45:40] oh, maybe there was something to all of Henry's crazy blabbering about Christina

[45:44] not being treated well at home. So she like nods her head and wanders

[45:48] off stage very noticeably. Yeah. And it's one of those things

[45:51] where it's like, I'm glad she's finally believing somebody about this.

[45:54] But on the other hand, she could have been crying because she was turning into a black swan.

[45:57] We don't know. Yeah.

[45:58] Like that's the thing that happens to ballet dancers.

[46:01] Yeah, she could just be nervous when she's on stage. Who knows?

[46:03] And it really hurts your toes to dance ballet. That could be it, too.

[46:08] Sure. I'm imagining a backstory

[46:10] where you've taken years of ballet. I wish, Dan.

[46:14] Here's another peek into Elliot's past. Oh, God.

[46:18] When I was a kid, I really wanted to take dance lessons.

[46:20] My mom went to the only dance studio in town. They said, we don't take boys.

[46:23] And that was the end of that. So thanks, Dan, for bringing up those memories.

[46:28] When the gender binary that otherwise has only helped me throughout my life

[46:34] for one brief moment was a negative. It finally affected you.

[46:39] Yeah, finally. Otherwise, it's just kind of been privilege surfing all the way.

[46:43] Yeah. And a sweet deal it's been.

[46:46] Naomi Watts is about to shoot Glenn when she accidentally triggers Henry's Rube Goldberg

[46:51] machine inside of his forest fort that she's been inside.

[46:54] Does she reach over and just stop the ball from rolling down the series?

[46:58] No, she lets it happen while watching through the scope.

[47:00] Does she quiet the chicken before it lays an egg?

[47:03] No, onto the scale that wakes up the sleeping mouse that then runs over to the match,

[47:08] lights the match, and lights a candle. The candle burns through a string

[47:11] that opens up a cocoon to let a butterfly out. The butterfly flaps its wings.

[47:16] There's a hurricane in Peru. The hurricane knocks a telephone off the hook.

[47:21] The telephone knocks off the hook onto a scale, which then tips over to a pointed finger,

[47:26] which just through gravity and balance calls the number on Glenn's cell phone

[47:31] to get him to stop just long enough to get her to shoot him.

[47:34] That's not what happens. No. Instead, she lets it go through.

[47:38] And when it ends, it just reveals a chain of photographs of her and her kids.

[47:43] Yeah. And I have to wonder, why did Henry set up a Rube Goldberg machine

[47:49] where the ultimate thing was it unfurls a bunch of photographs of him growing up?

[47:53] When I first saw it, I thought it was he was like, oh, wait, I want to make her think about

[47:57] the consequences of her actions by seeing this. But on the tape on the podcast she's

[48:01] listening to, he keeps shouting, shoot him, mom, kill him, blow his face off.

[48:07] Take that shot. She's rethinking it. He's like, go, mom, do it.

[48:10] Make sure he's in your sights. We can believe.

[48:12] And I really wanted, I wanted her to fast forward a little bit on the tape.

[48:16] And it's like, fuck, mom, you fucked up. Get to the safe house.

[48:20] You're in a lot of trouble, mom. You got to get out of there.

[48:25] Or he recorded two different tapes. And it's like, tape one is done.

[48:29] If you successfully shot Glenn, turn to tape two.

[48:32] If you missed, insert tape three now. Yeah.

[48:35] Turn to page 41 if you enter the minotaur's lair, mom.

[48:41] So she decides, no, I'm not going to do it. This is the wrong thing.

[48:44] She goes outside and confronts Glenn, puts her gun down, which is like the dumbest thing you can do.

[48:49] And she says, I know what you've done and says, who do you think they're going to believe?

[48:52] And she says, well, I'm dedicated to getting the truth out.

[48:54] I can afford to take this forever. I don't know if you can.

[48:56] Yeah, I just got one kid left and he's not that good.

[49:00] There was a scene in the movie after Henry dies where she has to tell Peter,

[49:07] no, you are as important to me as Henry. And that was the one scene in the movie where I was like,

[49:10] this scene is really affecting me. That it's like the idea that this younger son is

[49:15] noticeably seeing how shaken his mother is by her death and taking from that,

[49:20] I'm not as valued as Henry. And Henry was the thing holding his family together.

[49:23] And she has to say to him, no, I do love you as much as Henry and you're just as special as he is.

[49:28] I was like, oh, that's it. Like that, frankly, should have been the climax of the movie.

[49:32] Like a movie about a gifted kid dying and his younger brother who does not have those gifts

[49:38] kind of struggling with living in that shadow. That could be a good movie.

[49:42] But instead, Luke Besson had to come in and screw it up.

[49:46] And she's explaining this to her son, Peter, the whole time in her head,

[49:49] you know, she's got that like Drake head shake meme going on where she's like, nah.

[49:53] I sunglasses anime. To your point, Elliot, like I feel like the moment that.

[50:00] the screenwriter types, and then Natalie Watts,

[50:03] Naomi Watts, Natalie Watts, I don't know who that is.

[50:05] I don't know what the screenwriter is saying,

[50:07] and then Naomi Watts.

[50:08] He's already casted.

[50:10] But as soon as he's typing the words,

[50:12] like she picks up a high-powered rifle

[50:15] with a silencer on it, he might be like,

[50:17] take a moment and be like,

[50:19] this script has gone off the rails.

[50:21] I don't know, and I'll tell you why,

[50:22] because Dan, I've talked to people about this before,

[50:25] I don't remember if I ever said it on the podcast,

[50:26] I must have.

[50:27] I had an epiphany when I watched Kong Skull Island,

[50:29] where I was like, I really want to write something

[50:31] where a gorilla's throwing a bunch of helicopters around,

[50:34] and if I ever get to sit down and write,

[50:37] Kong grabs a helicopter and hurls it into space,

[50:39] I'll like, then I'll just, I guess,

[50:41] take a cyanide pill, because I've done it.

[50:44] There was a moment where I was writing

[50:45] a Spider-Man Deadpool issue that came out this year,

[50:47] and I got to write the lines,

[50:49] Deadpool jumping out of a plane

[50:51] as it slams into a robot Tyrannosaurus Rex,

[50:54] and I was like, yeah, this is the best

[50:55] of all possible worlds.

[50:57] I'm sorry, everybody else who's suffering right now,

[51:00] but I'm just kidding,

[51:02] this is the middlest of all possible worlds.

[51:05] Len calls his brother,

[51:06] the head of Child Protective Services,

[51:07] as Naomi Watts runs off to the talent show,

[51:10] because the timer she set for when her son's magic act

[51:12] is on, because she's showing a lot of faith

[51:15] in the fact that a child's talent show

[51:18] is going to stick to a strict schedule.

[51:20] Seems very unlikely.

[51:23] He calls his brother, and the brother's like,

[51:25] we got a tip from the principal, it's too wide open,

[51:28] we got to investigate,

[51:30] and the police show up at Len's house.

[51:32] Camera pulls back, and we hear a gunshot.

[51:35] So wait a minute, she, in the middle of the talent show,

[51:38] went to use the phone,

[51:40] and that hotline's a 24-7 thing, I guess?

[51:43] I mean, maybe she called the police,

[51:45] which I hope is a 24-7 thing.

[51:48] It's not like they're like, oh, it's 7.30,

[51:50] sun's going down, crime's going to sleep,

[51:53] and I'll be back at 6.30 tomorrow morning

[51:55] when crime gets up.

[51:57] Got to wake up pretty early to stop

[51:58] all the crime in the morning.

[52:00] Like those old Warner Brothers cartoons

[52:02] where the sheepdog and the wolf punch out.

[52:04] There's a bank robber and a police chief

[52:05] just punching in, hiya, Fred, hiya, Sam.

[52:11] We have to assume that Glen has killed himself,

[52:12] although, Stuart, you raised the question

[52:13] that maybe he's firing at the police, but.

[52:17] You're never going to take me.

[52:18] Now, Peter says, he shows up as a,

[52:22] now, Peter the Great, and I got excited.

[52:25] My favorite Russian czar is going to be in this movie.

[52:28] The man who created the Russian navy,

[52:31] the man who dragged a backwards superstitious nation

[52:34] into the 18th century.

[52:37] I mean, sure, he killed a lot of people to do it,

[52:40] but St. Petersburg is still a work of art,

[52:43] built, yes, on the body of thousands of serfs

[52:45] who died in the construction,

[52:46] but you got to hand it to him.

[52:48] Of all the czars.

[52:49] Oh, okay.

[52:52] He was the greatest, but no, alas, alack,

[52:54] no, it's just Peter, the regular character,

[52:57] I guess testing out the title he hopes to be called by

[52:59] in the future generations that will worship Henry,

[53:02] and he says his magic trick

[53:03] as he pulls his magic trunk out

[53:04] is to bring his brother back.

[53:06] Audience, they're like, ugh.

[53:08] And Lee Pace at this moment,

[53:10] Lee Pace is like, turning around in his chair,

[53:12] being like, as if he's like, you seen this, you seen this?

[53:17] Anyone going to stop this?

[53:17] Oh, you think he thought Henry was going to show up

[53:19] prestige style from the balcony?

[53:22] He's like, wait a minute, I saw that kid die.

[53:25] Wait, hold on.

[53:26] Lee Pace, what if it was such a different movie,

[53:28] Lee Pace stood up and goes, that's not true, I killed him.

[53:31] And Peter strokes his fake mustache and is like,

[53:34] well, well, officers, take him away.

[53:37] Officers, and when we watch Ronan's End,

[53:39] it's like, I'm sorry, they're all at Glenn's house.

[53:41] There's no police officers to catch Lee Pace.

[53:44] And Lee Pace gets into his Ronan,

[53:46] the accuser's spaceship flies off.

[53:48] Like, halt and catch fire, gunfire, that is.

[53:51] Shoot him, boys.

[53:53] What if Peter then pulled out his brother's dead body

[53:57] and was like, live, live, and Lee Pace goes,

[53:59] wait a minute, I can raise the dead,

[54:01] let's push some daisies, huh?

[54:02] Oh, boy.

[54:04] Lee Pace, and he's still young,

[54:06] he's had an amazing career.

[54:08] Well, give it up for Lee Pace, everybody, come on.

[54:11] And now, wouldn't it be amazing

[54:13] if Lee Pace walked out that door right now?

[54:17] Alas, don't know how.

[54:17] Lee Pace, his star is never going to the fall.

[54:21] Okay.

[54:24] I mean, I appreciate the reference.

[54:26] Again, one of my favorites, but okay.

[54:29] But Peter said, everyone's kind of like,

[54:31] what's this all about?

[54:32] Did he dig up his brother?

[54:33] Peter, he goes, I hope this works.

[54:36] And he opens up the trunk and confetti flies out

[54:39] and it's like an unending fountain of confetti

[54:43] up into the air that flies over the audience.

[54:45] The audience loves it.

[54:46] They love it.

[54:47] They immediately, I'm guessing they assume

[54:49] it's the ashes of his brother.

[54:51] That's not what I even thought of.

[54:54] They're like, maybe some of Henry will enter my body.

[54:56] Yeah, they're trying to catch his ashes on their tongues

[55:00] to let a little bit of his genius into their own self.

[55:04] Anyway, and mom showed up on time.

[55:06] She's there and she hugs her son.

[55:08] Well, when they go outside,

[55:10] the police have arrived to tell Christina that Glenn is dead.

[55:12] She runs into Naomi Watts' arms, cut to the court.

[55:16] Naomi has been awarded custody of Christina

[55:18] thanks to the forged documents that she submitted.

[55:21] And there's some voiceover, which comes from Henry's tapes.

[55:24] Sometimes a good story reminds you

[55:25] of what makes us human, blah, blah, blah.

[55:27] And you're like, don't tell us

[55:28] about good stories right now.

[55:31] Come on.

[55:32] And as Naomi wants to erase the evidence,

[55:34] and I assume to free herself from Henry's spirit,

[55:37] which has dogged her up to this point.

[55:39] I'm my own woman now, Henry, leave me alone.

[55:41] Throws the book and the tape into the fire.

[55:44] She's gonna throw Peter into the fire

[55:46] and erase all the evidence.

[55:48] He's like, you know this too, little kid.

[55:50] You ran on this thing.

[55:52] Henry once told me that Benjamin Franklin said,

[55:54] three can keep a secret if two are dead.

[55:56] Well, Henry's dead and it's your turn now, Peter.

[56:00] And she reads a bedtime story to Christina and Peter

[56:03] who now share a room just like Peter and Henry did.

[56:06] Raises a weird question that this adolescent girl

[56:08] is sharing a room with a nine-year-old boy.

[56:10] I don't even wanna get into it.

[56:11] It's almost as weird as Sarah Silverman's Bizarre Kiss.

[56:15] And she reads a bedtime story about a dying flower

[56:17] which enriches the soil with its death.

[56:22] And she looks at him and she's like,

[56:24] that's kind of like Henry, right?

[56:26] Get it?

[56:27] And they're like, no fucking fake, dude.

[56:29] Closed the book and just said, get it?

[56:33] That's like your brother.

[56:35] Who's dead.

[56:38] He's never coming back.

[56:39] There's no magic that'll ever bring him back, Peter.

[56:41] You're a bad magician.

[56:42] Yeah.

[56:44] Sleep tight.

[56:46] Sleep with one eyes open.

[56:47] One eyes open.

[56:48] Ripping your pillow tight, Peter.

[56:51] Enter night, exit light.

[56:55] Take my hand, Peter.

[56:56] We're off to Never Neverlands.

[56:59] Yep.

[56:59] And that's the movie Finding Neverland.

[57:01] Yeah.

[57:01] Starring Metallica.

[57:03] Yep.

[57:05] So, Stuart, you were gonna say something.

[57:07] How do you feel about Christina, the neighbor girl,

[57:11] getting no lines and basically being a football

[57:14] that's thrown around for this movie?

[57:15] Like, she's the MacGuffin, right?

[57:18] That's true.

[57:18] She's what they're all fighting over.

[57:19] But she doesn't get like, I think her one line is,

[57:22] I'm fine.

[57:23] Yeah, she has very little dialogue.

[57:25] She gets very few moments.

[57:27] It's, yeah, she is more a plot device than a person.

[57:30] Yeah.

[57:30] But then again, so is Henry.

[57:33] Like, Henry's more a collection of being an asshole tix

[57:35] than anything else.

[57:36] But Dan, you're looking at a watch, looking very concerned.

[57:40] No, we've gone very long and we wanna go on

[57:42] to answer a few questions from the audience.

[57:45] So we should probably wrap it up.

[57:46] Is it time for some kind of judgments?

[57:49] I believe that the judgment should have

[57:52] some sort of finality.

[57:54] Like a destination, if you will.

[57:56] Or a fantasy seven.

[57:57] Yeah.

[57:58] So maybe it's time.

[57:59] I should have said fantasy the spirits within.

[58:00] I'm sorry.

[58:02] Yeah, we review movies.

[58:04] Yes.

[58:05] Good point.

[58:07] So it's time for final judgments.

[58:12] Final judgments, finish it.

[58:15] Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie,

[58:17] or a movie you kind of like?

[58:18] Ellie, what do you have to say?

[58:19] I found this to be a bad bad movie.

[58:22] And that's too bad because I wanted it to be a movie

[58:24] I kind of liked.

[58:25] Because I went into it knowing,

[58:26] I know this movie takes some kind of crazy twist

[58:28] because I saw the pictures of Diamond Watch

[58:29] with a sniper rifle.

[58:32] And you know what?

[58:33] You know what?

[58:34] Just because this guy got fired off of Star Wars

[58:36] doesn't mean that I can't,

[58:37] I haven't seen any of his other movies.

[58:38] I never saw J-World or anything.

[58:40] But maybe, you know what?

[58:41] I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

[58:42] And sometimes a movie swings for the fences and fails.

[58:47] And sometimes it hits over those fences and this one fails.

[58:49] You're just aping Henry's monologue

[58:52] from the end of the movie.

[58:53] You know, sometimes a movie can go.

[58:55] Sometimes stories are good stories.

[58:58] He mean, it literally is like,

[58:59] sometimes stories are good stories

[59:00] and sometimes they're bad stories.

[59:02] Sometimes they tell us about the best of us.

[59:04] Sometimes it's the worst of us.

[59:06] And it's like, Henry, did they not bring you the script pages

[59:08] and you're like stalling for time

[59:11] until they get them to you?

[59:12] So Dan, what do you think?

[59:13] I say this is a bad, bad movie.

[59:15] Yeah, I say this is a bad, bad movie too.

[59:17] The craziness of it makes me want to say

[59:20] that it's a good, bad movie.

[59:21] But it is boring and it's also about

[59:25] child death and child abuse.

[59:27] So I don't recommend that anyone run out

[59:29] and see it for LARFs.

[59:32] That's what I have to say about that.

[59:33] Yeah, it's a hard movie to get like a fun hate watch on.

[59:36] It's not very good, obviously.

[59:38] And there's some really dumb stuff in it,

[59:40] but it's a hard movie to take pleasure in it, bad.

[59:43] So I'd say bad, bad.

[59:45] Sorry, Book of Henry, but it appears this book is closed.

[59:48] Yeah.

[59:51] I won't give you fucking work on that one.

[59:54] And then, and then, thank you.

[59:58] Slip on my shades.

[59:59] Ow!

[1:00:00] a bump bump bump bump csi miami

[1:00:07] going into a bullseye interview i know it's somebody who does amazing

[1:00:11] but it's an actual conversation i don't know where it's headed

[1:00:15] the absolutely

[1:00:17] you're absolutely right you said it actually better than i did so i have to

[1:00:20] think about what that means

[1:00:24] hey this is the straight talk that you're going to get on this show

[1:00:27] bullseye, creators you know, creators you need to know

[1:00:30] find it at maximumfun.org

[1:00:32] or wherever you get podcasts

[1:00:37] are you sad and confused about world politics?

[1:00:40] worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war? or maybe a rat is living in

[1:00:43] your house? there's a rat living in my house, how do you get rid of a rat from a house?

[1:00:47] why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional imagined podcast for the beef

[1:00:50] and dairy industries? it works for me

[1:00:53] the beef and dairy network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved

[1:00:56] or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds

[1:01:00] don't worry it's funnier than it sounds

[1:01:02] find us at beefanddairynetwork.com or maximumfun.org or wherever you get your

[1:01:06] podcast from

[1:01:07] oh god there's the rat

[1:01:09] oh god

[1:01:12] hey everyone

[1:01:14] it's a live show which means another one of my

[1:01:17] patented

[1:01:18] solo ad reads

[1:01:21] that's right i patented it, the patent office said

[1:01:23] no

[1:01:24] patent rejected

[1:01:26] but i broke into their offices and i stuffed my application in the files anyway

[1:01:31] so suck it patent office

[1:01:34] my uh... our first uh... sponsor

[1:01:37] is Casper

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[1:02:52] we're hosted today by Bombfell

[1:02:55] Bombfell is a

[1:02:59] uh... what do we call it

[1:03:01] let's say it's a

[1:03:02] shipment that you get on a monthly plan

[1:03:06] that uh...

[1:03:07] gives you great clothes

[1:03:09] that you might uh... not otherwise know to buy for yourself

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[1:03:19] and you get those great clothes by completing a simple questionnaire

[1:03:23] and then getting matched with a personal stylist

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[1:03:42] for instance if you keep four items you get twenty percent off

[1:03:45] keep three fifteen percent off keep two

[1:03:47] ten percent off

[1:03:49] now listen

[1:03:51] Bombfell was nice enough to uh... give us a test of this

[1:03:55] fine product of theirs and I got a few clothes

[1:03:59] from Bombfell

[1:04:00] because of the Flophouse people I am the

[1:04:03] clothes horse I would say

[1:04:05] uh... although Stuart is the one who always looks good in anything

[1:04:10] damn him

[1:04:11] and I uh... got this great shirt from Bombfell

[1:04:15] that literally

[1:04:16] got me three compliments in one day

[1:04:19] I'm not exaggerating I'm not making it up

[1:04:22] three compliments in one day

[1:04:24] if you want to get three compliments in one day

[1:04:28] well there's a lot of ways of doing that but Bombfell is one of them

[1:04:32] so listen our uh... Bombfell is offering our listeners twenty five dollars off your

[1:04:36] first purchase

[1:04:38] when you visit

[1:04:38] when you visit Bombfell you can't visit any place

[1:04:42] guys there's a lot of

[1:04:43] misinformation going around about

[1:04:46] how you can visit a place or

[1:04:48] bow to a place or

[1:04:51] you can be at a place that does work but

[1:04:55] don't get fooled by these

[1:04:57] new fangled uh... travel agencies that

[1:05:01] want to book a visiting for you because that doesn't that does not work

[1:05:05] no you can visit Bombfell that's

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[1:05:13] slash Flophouse

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[1:05:16] open

[1:05:17] and close

[1:05:20] now uh... we've got a couple of jumbotrons here too

[1:05:24] the first is uh...

[1:05:26] looking for a good movie to balance out the flops

[1:05:29] then watch West of Her

[1:05:31] an indie romance with a twist of mystery

[1:05:34] filmed across ten states in iconic locations from the midwest plains to

[1:05:38] the rocky mountains

[1:05:39] Monument Valley to Beale Street in Memphis

[1:05:42] hailed by critics as enchanting

[1:05:44] and mesmerizingly beautiful

[1:05:47] and winner of four best narrative feature awards West of Her

[1:05:50] is a movie for anyone who's ever longed for adventure

[1:05:53] romance

[1:05:55] and a life of meeting

[1:05:56] find West of Her on iTunes, Amazon,

[1:06:00] Vimeo

[1:06:01] all of your other favorite streaming services and cable on demand

[1:06:05] well that sounds nice

[1:06:07] sounds like a pleasant movie to watch instead of a movie about a

[1:06:11] guy who kills folks and

[1:06:13] stuffs them on snowmen

[1:06:16] Mr. Police

[1:06:17] find West of Her

[1:06:20] you can also uh... listen to Predictocast

[1:06:24] which is a podcast where Josh and Skinner

[1:06:27] watch the first ten minutes of a movie they know nothing about

[1:06:30] and try and predict what happens next

[1:06:32] sometimes they're right

[1:06:34] but it's much more fun when they're wrong like the time they failed to predict that a

[1:06:36] wolfman would show up in one flick

[1:06:39] or that a bunch of dinosaurs would be thrown off a cliff in another

[1:06:42] a huge back catalog is waiting for you right now and a new episode drops every

[1:06:46] week

[1:06:47] they predict

[1:06:48] you're gonna love it

[1:06:50] find Predictocast

[1:06:53] and

[1:06:54] Apple Piecasts

[1:06:56] and Apple Piecasts

[1:06:59] guys

[1:07:00] don't be fooled by all the travel agencies that want you to go to Apple Piecasts

[1:07:04] there's no

[1:07:05] there's no Apple Piecasts, it's Apple Podcasts

[1:07:09] which is where you can find Predictocast

[1:07:11] there, find it there, find it in Stitcher, Google Play

[1:07:15] wherever you listen to podcasts or get it at Predictocast.com

[1:07:21] and uh... we got some big news

[1:07:24] uh...

[1:07:25] there are a few live shows

[1:07:28] that we're going to be doing coming up

[1:07:30] in a few different cities

[1:07:33] on May the 26th

[1:07:37] at 6th and I, Historic Synagogue

[1:07:40] we will be doing a live show that evening

[1:07:44] I don't have the time right in front of me but you can get it by going to

[1:07:48] FlophousePodcast.com and clicking on events

[1:07:51] that's DC, Washington DC, our nation's capital on May the 26th

[1:07:57] and then

[1:07:59] on

[1:08:02] June the 30th

[1:08:04] we will be in Seattle

[1:08:06] at the Neptune Theater

[1:08:08] Seattle's Neptune Theater, this is our first

[1:08:10] Pacific Northwest show

[1:08:13] so come on out and see us, we tried to make Portland work too, we couldn't

[1:08:17] uh... we hope that we'll do it in the future, but for now

[1:08:22] you know, I don't know, come on, come make the drive from Portland to Seattle, it's not

[1:08:26] that far

[1:08:27] come on people

[1:08:30] and in between those two shows there's a show that's not on sale yet

[1:08:34] but

[1:08:35] uh... I just want to let you know so you can mark your calendars

[1:08:38] Elliot will be back in New York and we'll be back at the Bell House in

[1:08:42] Brooklyn

[1:08:43] on June 7th

[1:08:45] at 8.30pm

[1:08:47] so that's all the news that's

[1:08:50] fit for your ears

[1:08:52] right now

[1:08:53] uh... and we should go back

[1:08:56] to what's the live show that we're putting out in Toronto, we should go back to Toronto

[1:09:00] for more

[1:09:02] fun

[1:09:03] uh... before we move on to the next segment I just want to say that I got a

[1:09:06] text while we're up on the stage from star of the show Hallie Hagland

[1:09:11] who uh...

[1:09:14] applause, she can't hear you

[1:09:15] her text says

[1:09:16] I'm here, pay attention to me

[1:09:20] so uh...

[1:09:22] wow wow wow, are you sure you didn't just write that?

[1:09:26] I told her I'm on the stage in Toronto right now and she said get off and get here

[1:09:29] she's apparently in Charlene's Bar right now

[1:09:34] oh cool, that's a bar in Brooklyn, when in Brooklyn visit Hinterlands or Charlene's Bar

[1:09:37] with Hallie I guess, you may see her in the wild

[1:09:42] uh... now's the part of the podcast where we're going to talk to the audience, we're going to stand up

[1:09:46] and there's a microphone right over there and I'm pointing to it for the audience at home

[1:09:50] audience at home I'm sorry it's too late

[1:09:53] do not run over to the Royal in Toronto and try to get on the microphone

[1:09:57] because it is, by the time this reaches your ears we'll all be dead

[1:10:00] but dead tired of doing this show just this episode not the whole series anyway

[1:10:06] go to that microphone and we're gonna answer some questions. There's a thing that I've

[1:10:10] said that's a little mean and I'll say it again which is we've been all

[1:10:13] we've all been to a lot of these things where someone gets up and they tell a

[1:10:16] long story about their own personal relationship with the Flophouse or

[1:10:19] something or Woody Allen or whoever's talking that day you know what we're

[1:10:23] just glad you're here we know your fans because you're here and that means a

[1:10:25] lot to us so let's keep it to questions and not stories because let's take it for

[1:10:29] granted that we know every introduction every question is how much you like us

[1:10:33] really like you a lot too we know that you're here because you like us and it

[1:10:36] means a lot to us so anyway I'd like to say one other thing Dan yeah but why

[1:10:41] should I say it when I can sing it oh there's a place I know it's called

[1:10:53] Toronto it's a city of love city of light a city of oddly spaced buildings

[1:11:02] sometimes you'll have a big tower of glass and then right next to it some

[1:11:08] kind of little brick thing it's a weird combination of buildings but I love it

[1:11:14] because what it says to me is that hey this is a place that I ought to see

[1:11:19] Toronto city of laughs city of light city of other things but I don't know

[1:11:25] enough about Toronto to be much more specific than that I just got in this

[1:11:31] morning I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon not gonna get to sample much of Toronto

[1:11:38] might have had a chance when I was a kid when my family took a driving trip of

[1:11:44] Canada but my dad drove right through the city of Toronto he wasn't interested

[1:11:53] in stopping in the city of Toronto even though the guidebook said it was the

[1:11:59] home of the world's largest McDonald's is it true I'll never know don't tell me

[1:12:08] Toronto don't tell me Toronto I want to live in the mystery that is

[1:12:13] Toronto thank you very much okay questions where did Dan go I got really

[1:12:24] upset at your song he was really mad because you keep saying Toronto instead

[1:12:30] of Toronto like a native look I can't pretend to be anything other than what I

[1:12:37] am someone who is not from here see I owe that comment to the to the tour

[1:12:43] guide who gave me a tour to Niagara Falls yesterday who explained a lot

[1:12:46] about hockey told everybody what Buffalo wings were and explain the economics of

[1:12:51] living in Toronto he also explained that it's very Canadian to have a two-car

[1:12:56] garage that's attached to the home which is crazy because everybody's garages are

[1:13:01] attached to homes or maybe not I don't know I learned how to pronounce Toronto

[1:13:09] all right not Toronto hitting that second T okay hey how you doing great

[1:13:18] thank you everybody in Toronto is very excited that you're here and thank you

[1:13:23] oh thank you very much so last night oh well just to back up thank you for

[1:13:33] coming I've been a Flophouse fan for a long time but you've been a gateway drug

[1:13:37] to a lot of movies that I probably shouldn't have seen and saw yeah and

[1:13:42] then told people to see and then saw again and so now I think I've advanced

[1:13:46] further than the Flophouse is and I I saw what's that called that movie last

[1:13:52] night I saw dangerous men dangerous men okay which is an infest movie that is

[1:14:00] apparently like worse than all of the other movies and I wanted to know what

[1:14:04] together well I think it's it's the same cinematographer as the guy who did

[1:14:10] Samurai Cop but he considers it his lesser work okay so it's it's

[1:14:16] astonishing and it's worth seeing but what's the line for you what is like

[1:14:20] where does bad bad hit where does it watchable but yeah like I see all the

[1:14:28] outsider stuff and all the auteur stuff but where does it go from good bad yeah

[1:14:31] where where is it too bad to see where's it too bad to see at all I think there's

[1:14:37] a movie that you you know called slow bullet that I believe Oh God yeah have

[1:14:42] you ever seen slow bullet Dan I have not seen slow bullet I've only know it

[1:14:45] through your hyphenate slow bullet is I think the worst movie I've ever seen and

[1:14:49] I've seen it multiple times by this point which made I have to ask real

[1:14:54] questions about how I'm living my life but a slow bullet is a movie so the all

[1:14:58] this way this might help answer the question slow boat is a movie that was

[1:15:01] produced by a Florida video store and wouldn't be in their best interest to

[1:15:09] make a good movie that people want to rent yes it would be but that is not

[1:15:13] what happened with this okay and it is about a Vietnam veteran who is

[1:15:18] struggling with his memories of the war he wasn't shot in the war but he was

[1:15:21] shot with a slow bullet of post-traumatic stress disorder there's an

[1:15:25] original heavy metal soundtrack and as you're doing the first like 20 minutes

[1:15:29] it feels like the first 20 hours in the movie he's just in his basement

[1:15:33] apartment kind of wandering around mumbling to himself in real time and I

[1:15:36] once saw it projected in a theater but the screen was at floor level and it

[1:15:41] looked like we were just watching a guy walking around muttering to himself and

[1:15:46] it like and suddenly in that like watching that movie I like started to

[1:15:50] feel what it must be like to have something terrible hanging over you that

[1:15:53] you cannot shake and it was like when a bad movie when it when a movie becomes

[1:15:58] so bad that it has a similar emotional effect to a good movie and that you're

[1:16:03] like wow I've really got a like question my conception of the world that's when

[1:16:07] it's too bad like I wanted it's like there's a movie called Nuki that's like

[1:16:13] an 80 ripoff it's a harrowing journey and it's but slow bullet is it's like

[1:16:18] that's when the movies too bad is when it's both boring and traumatic to me

[1:16:22] like like a really slow movie about someone just slapping somebody else over

[1:16:26] and over again for an hour like that would be both boring and traumatic I

[1:16:29] don't want to watch it sounds like an Andy Warhol film yeah or frankly almost

[1:16:34] any comedy made before the sound era just nothing but slaps I'm not talking

[1:16:39] about the Lon Chaney film he who gets slapped that's a really good movie I'm

[1:16:43] by that answer thank you thank you all right next cue and we'll a it hi I'm

[1:16:48] David last name with health hello David and I appreciate what you're saying

[1:16:52] before Elliot about the ways in which you I think you said writing the

[1:16:56] privilege train and I was wondering if folks could share a moment from your

[1:17:01] illustrious careers whether it's in comedy or owning your bar in hinterlands

[1:17:05] in which privilege of some sort played a big role in kind of going to the next

[1:17:11] oh geez we're in privilege played a big role God we're privileged helped us go

[1:17:16] to the next step I mean I became head writer of a show hosted by a Jewish guy

[1:17:20] from New Jersey can't get it was like yep this is I have an unfair advantage

[1:17:26] on this one I was like I was like it's really good that I can speak I can kind

[1:17:30] of like I speak the same language as John Stewart I can get into what he's

[1:17:33] talking about oh that's right we're from the same place and we do similarly yeah

[1:17:37] I mean not to get too serious but I guess it's a very serious question I

[1:17:41] mean up until recently where I think people are trying to write that boat a

[1:17:45] little bit in comedy writers rooms or in writers rooms at all and said right that

[1:17:50] boat not ride that boat right that boat yes I said ride that boat I'm gonna ride

[1:17:55] that boat right into the sunset baby no to write the ship a little bit recently

[1:18:03] people have been trying to improve on this but in television you know you get

[1:18:09] your job through the people you know and because for a long time the people who

[1:18:14] had the job are like white guys and they tend to know other white guys then it's

[1:18:19] a self-fulfilling thing yeah and I think I probably took I probably got the

[1:18:23] advantage of being a white guy who knew this white guy over here the white guy

[1:18:28] who helped you get a job why yeah so there's that so thanks for making me

[1:18:33] feel bad about recommending you for that job yeah and yeah like getting up

[1:18:37] getting a bartending job in Brooklyn there's not that much different I mean

[1:18:41] the vast majority of like neighborhood bartenders are great white dudes and

[1:18:47] yeah I mean it's and they end up like no other straight white dudes and then they

[1:18:54] just get hired by other guys like you know it's something that I know I'm

[1:18:58] super aware of and I try to change but now we've got three straight white dudes

[1:19:04] talking about stuff well it's when we shook it up when we're in LA and still

[1:19:08] couldn't make it by getting a different straight white dude unfortunately it's

[1:19:12] one of those things that's only fixed by fixing it kind of like it reinforces

[1:19:16] itself oh yeah no but I get what you mean all right now we've downed

[1:19:23] everybody let's get to the next question hi what do you last name withheld I was

[1:19:28] wondering if there is a particular theme or trope in film where you'll watch the

[1:19:34] movie no matter how bad the reviews are give it a shot that kind of thing like

[1:19:37] because I like any movie where it's about like the last hurrah or the end of

[1:19:42] an era or something like that I think that Westerns do very well like Sergio

[1:19:46] Leone movies or no country for old men or something like that where Oh new

[1:19:50] technology comes in and it changes everything but we're gonna have one last

[1:19:53] of the old stuff before that happens like I like that kind of is there a

[1:19:57] thing that like you're like oh that's the thing and

[1:20:00] I'll watch this, you know, it doesn't matter if it's going to be good or bad, but I like

[1:20:03] that thing.

[1:20:04] Yeah, it's a movie called Cheeky, and it's about butts.

[1:20:12] Very honest answer.

[1:20:13] I mean, I think the real answer is like heist movies, I just like heist movies, but that's

[1:20:18] kind of boring.

[1:20:19] So let's move on to someone else who can answer the question.

[1:20:22] Someone in the photos said Cheeky is very good.

[1:20:27] I'm going to re-butt that and say Cheeky is not very good.

[1:20:31] I will say that for what it is, Cheeky is very good.

[1:20:34] Butt delivery system?

[1:20:35] Yeah.

[1:20:36] It delivers on its promise.

[1:20:37] If I'm going to judge it on its own intentions, it is the best movie ever made.

[1:20:43] I mean, I'll watch almost any slasher movie, and I know they're all terrible, and intellectually

[1:20:49] I know that they're bad to like, but I can't help, like it's that fucking nostalgia shit

[1:20:53] where you're just like, I need it.

[1:20:55] It's my comfort zone of movie to watch.

[1:20:58] And I'll watch just about any movie that was shot in New York in the 70s, because that's

[1:21:02] like a mythical time for me, and I only got to see the last vestiges of it in the 80s,

[1:21:08] but anything where it's shot on location, I'm like, everything's so grimy.

[1:21:14] Anyone where someone's wearing like a dingy plaid jacket.

[1:21:18] Love it.

[1:21:19] Yes.

[1:21:20] All these people are kind of good at their jobs, but they're just doing their jobs and

[1:21:23] they're kind of grumpy about it.

[1:21:25] Yeah, and everything is all oranges and browns and tans, like in teal, that's all the colors

[1:21:30] of everything.

[1:21:31] Beiges.

[1:21:32] I love that stuff.

[1:21:33] Yeah.

[1:21:34] I hope that answers it.

[1:21:35] Absolutely.

[1:21:36] Thank you very much.

[1:21:37] Hi.

[1:21:38] Hi.

[1:21:39] Hi.

[1:21:40] I'm Lars.

[1:21:41] Last name definitely withheld.

[1:21:42] Whoa.

[1:21:43] Okay.

[1:21:44] Sorry.

[1:21:45] You're in the Canadian Witness Protection System.

[1:21:48] Yeah.

[1:21:49] It would be confusing for anyone who's trying to find me because I'm changing my last name.

[1:21:53] Oh, okay.

[1:21:55] You know what?

[1:21:56] I'm sorry we opened this can of worms.

[1:21:59] Anyway.

[1:22:00] So, there are a lot of filmmakers that consistently make bad, bad movies, and I was wondering

[1:22:08] if you have a favorite director who transitioned from that to making good, bad movies or movies

[1:22:14] you kind of liked.

[1:22:16] I guess what I'm asking is, is there hope for Colin Trevorrow to come back in the fold

[1:22:20] and make the Pond-a-bobba one, Colin, a Star Wars story?

[1:22:24] Oh, I would so love a Pond-a-bobba movie.

[1:22:28] He is maybe my favorite Star Wars character.

[1:22:31] Do you think?

[1:22:32] He has a face that looks like a butt, and his buddy is always getting him into trouble.

[1:22:39] I mean, when we were about to watch this movie, I was looking into the future, like at the

[1:22:43] end of Raising Arizona, and I was looking at a magazine headline with a picture of Colin

[1:22:50] Trevorrow, and it's like, getting fired from Star Wars was the best thing that ever happened

[1:22:54] to me.

[1:22:55] But I don't think that's going to happen.

[1:22:57] You never know.

[1:22:58] I mean, so many great directors came out of the Corman factory, where Roger Corman would

[1:23:03] hire them to make cheap stuff that like, for all the really fun movies that came out of

[1:23:07] Corman's company, a lot of bad ones did that are not worth watching, but like, they all

[1:23:10] made the turn.

[1:23:11] You know, they're all, these are still young folks working out their dreams.

[1:23:15] Yeah.

[1:23:16] I mean, unfortunately, I feel like it goes the opposite direction most of the time.

[1:23:20] It's like someone comes out with some sort of brilliant thing out of the gate, and then

[1:23:24] makes direct later on.

[1:23:25] Like I was really surprised recently to find out that the guy who made Wake and Fright,

[1:23:30] which is a favorite of mine, a great Australian horror movie, he's the same guy who made Weekend

[1:23:38] at Bernie's.

[1:23:39] I don't know what you're talking about, sounds great.

[1:23:42] I mean, it shows a lot of range, that's for sure, but...

[1:23:45] You gotta earn money to buy food, you know?

[1:23:48] Is it possible that he misheard the title and he thought Weekend at Bernie's was...

[1:23:52] Wake and at Bernie's?

[1:23:53] It was Wake and at Bernie's?

[1:23:54] Yeah, it was a sequel.

[1:23:55] He's like, huh, an American version of my very Australian movie.

[1:23:58] Yeah, it's tough.

[1:24:01] I mean, for the most part, I totally agree with you guys.

[1:24:04] It's always, it's usually always at least some glimmer of good early on, and then it...

[1:24:09] Yeah.

[1:24:10] Sad.

[1:24:11] Thanks for cheering me up.

[1:24:12] We're always bringing the room down with all of our answers.

[1:24:18] Hi guys, Rich, last name withheld.

[1:24:21] I want to know about the people who you reference frequently on the show, if you've ever heard

[1:24:28] feedback from them.

[1:24:29] For example, someone like a Nicolas Cage or a Neil Breen or local auteur, Frank D'Angelo.

[1:24:38] We were, we considered doing a Frank D'Angelo movie for this, and I know I was kind of scared

[1:24:43] that he would...

[1:24:44] Yeah.

[1:24:45] That he would come on.

[1:24:47] And that brings me to the second question, which is sort of part of that, which is that

[1:24:49] if you actually had the opportunity to record an episode of the show featuring someone who

[1:24:54] you were talking about, like if Neil Breen said, hey, man, I'll come to your place and

[1:24:57] we'll record an episode of the podcast.

[1:24:59] Was that something...

[1:25:00] No.

[1:25:01] No.

[1:25:02] Is that something you would want to do?

[1:25:03] We don't want to do a movie knowing where we live.

[1:25:04] The man who ends every movie that he makes by killing everybody.

[1:25:09] I'm not going to bring that guy into my house.

[1:25:12] But I, the, we have, I mean, we've been contacted by...

[1:25:15] If Nicolas Cage said he'd come out, I would fucking say yes.

[1:25:18] Oh, that's different.

[1:25:19] Nicolas Cage is a, is an artist.

[1:25:21] Like he's, yeah, of course, but I would be frightened to meet him, but I want to.

[1:25:27] Someone once wrote in and told us that they told Mads Mikkelsen about the show and Mads

[1:25:31] Mikkelsen thought it was okay, like the idea of it was okay, but I don't, that is yet to

[1:25:36] be ascertained whether that was a true story or not.

[1:25:39] Yeah.

[1:25:40] I mean, the closest that we've come to this is obviously when Chris Weitz of Twilight

[1:25:44] New Moon wrote into the show.

[1:25:46] He's a listener.

[1:25:47] And many other things.

[1:25:48] Many, no, I mean, that's why he was on our show.

[1:25:50] Yeah, that's true.

[1:25:51] He was not on our show for About a Boy, a genuinely good movie that he wrote and directed,

[1:25:56] but we've become sort of friendly with him.

[1:25:58] We had, we had dinner with him.

[1:26:00] He's a very nice man.

[1:26:01] He's very nice about the fact...

[1:26:02] He didn't poison our dinners.

[1:26:03] We made fun of his movie.

[1:26:06] Yeah, I mean, we, when we first started doing the show, there were, we assumed that we would

[1:26:13] never ever have anyone ever involved in making a movie ever reach out to us in any capacity.

[1:26:19] And I think it was, it was a couple of years when, like, what was it, the writer for Sorority

[1:26:23] Row wrote to us and was like, hey, I'd love to be a guest on your podcast.

[1:26:26] I'm like, we already did a show on Sorority Row, I don't know, like, do you want to talk

[1:26:31] about some more?

[1:26:32] It's not kind of what we do.

[1:26:33] We were just, we were kind of like, it was kind of cool, but we were kind of baffled.

[1:26:36] We were like, we're not like an interview podcast.

[1:26:38] Like, I don't, there's a lot of those, but I think we would...

[1:26:42] We barely even talk about the movies we watch.

[1:26:47] Yeah, I guess that's the answer.

[1:26:51] I feel like all of these, I mean, I apologize to everyone, I feel like all of these questions

[1:26:55] will end on, like, the biggest antic.

[1:26:57] No, they know if they've listened to past live shows that the questions are always a

[1:27:01] parade of us disappointing the answer.

[1:27:04] Disappointing the questioner with an answer that kind of trails off and we're like, I

[1:27:09] don't know.

[1:27:11] Well, okay, goodbye.

[1:27:13] And yet we still do it.

[1:27:14] But I think we're going to break the mold here.

[1:27:16] All right.

[1:27:17] On this next one.

[1:27:18] Let's put a lot of pressure on this next question.

[1:27:20] The answer we give to it is going to be the best answer in the history of answers.

[1:27:24] Hiya.

[1:27:25] Step aside.

[1:27:27] Because this is one dialogue that's for history.

[1:27:30] All right, let's go.

[1:27:32] I joined the wrong place in line.

[1:27:33] Caitlin, last name with hell.

[1:27:35] Yesterday, me and my partner watched The Book of Henry.

[1:27:38] I'm sorry.

[1:27:39] At the beginning of the movie, I, much like you guys, I hated the kid.

[1:27:42] I'm like, this kid is going to grow up into a gamer gator.

[1:27:45] And the movie.

[1:27:46] For sure.

[1:27:47] For sure.

[1:27:48] Yeah, and by the end, I cried three times because of how manipulative this movie was

[1:27:53] and, like, the emotions.

[1:27:54] Like, the scene, there's a scene with Peter in bed after Henry dies and he has the walkie

[1:27:58] talkie that he always talked to with his brother on his bed.

[1:28:01] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[1:28:02] Like, oh.

[1:28:03] And then I hated this movie even more.

[1:28:04] So I was wondering what movie you were the most angry at that made you emotional.

[1:28:09] For example, Dan mentioned in A Dog's Purpose that that movie kind of got to you because

[1:28:14] of the loss of your pet.

[1:28:16] Was there a movie even worse than that where you were like, this movie is getting to me

[1:28:19] and I hate it so much more for it?

[1:28:21] Or was maybe that the line?

[1:28:23] That's a really good question, which is what we say when we have to kill some time.

[1:28:27] I know that's happened to me, but it's hard for me to think of anything off the top of

[1:28:31] my head.

[1:28:32] I have to say that when I was a kid and I watched a lot of sitcoms, there were a lot

[1:28:35] of moments in sitcoms from bad sitcoms I didn't like, but I watched them because they're on

[1:28:39] TV.

[1:28:40] I'm a kid.

[1:28:41] I don't have anything to do.

[1:28:42] And where I'd be like, I would get wrapped up in the emotion of it where I'd feel bad

[1:28:45] for it.

[1:28:46] There's this one Full House episode where my favorite character on the show, you can

[1:28:52] probably guess which one it is.

[1:28:54] Kimmy Gibbler.

[1:28:55] No, well, Kimmy Gibbler's number two.

[1:28:58] Uncle Joey, favorite character on the show.

[1:29:01] He has some kind of a hockey rivalry with this other guy, and finally at the end, he

[1:29:06] beats him in hockey, and the other guy is a total asshole to him the entire show.

[1:29:11] You want to see him be taken down.

[1:29:12] And there's just one shot of that guy sitting on the ice.

[1:29:17] Just his face is falling.

[1:29:18] And you, in this moment, you're like, oh, Dave Goulier has a family.

[1:29:23] This guy has nothing but hockey.

[1:29:26] And now Uncle Joey has taken that from him.

[1:29:29] Like, he has nothing now.

[1:29:31] And I remember as a kid feeling so sad.

[1:29:33] Like, so sad in that moment.

[1:29:36] I really felt for that guy.

[1:29:39] Terrible.

[1:29:42] I don't know if I can say anything after that.

[1:29:47] I mean, I can't think of anything specific, so this is a terrible answer, but I mean,

[1:29:52] making me cry is like shooting fish in a barrel.

[1:29:56] It's kind of the same way I get that.

[1:30:00] if you've listened to the podcast I think that you know that I'm always just

[1:30:04] this side of being in tears so I mean like fucking commercials make me cry I

[1:30:11] like and I'm angry about it every time like the cut like anytime I express

[1:30:17] emotions dammit this is stupid it's a stupid that water comes out of my eyes

[1:30:22] and it's stupid that I'm expressing it this is all stupid yeah yeah it's pretty

[1:30:29] stupid no Dan it's cool that's buddy I let me see like Braveheart or like

[1:30:40] gladiator movies like that where I don't really like him that much and they feel

[1:30:44] really manipulative but at the same time like yeah read them yeah dude that's

[1:30:52] similar to how trailers do that to me not not crying but like every trailers

[1:30:57] cut the same way where it's like long line of dialogue warm and there's like

[1:31:02] silence and then something crazy happens and then the title and then one last

[1:31:05] line and then wall and it's like just as you're like who is the man wait it's

[1:31:10] Yoda you got me you got me but I can feel like just described I might be

[1:31:18] movie who's the man which would have been an even weirder reference to me I

[1:31:23] just describing it I can feel the hairs tingling on the back of my neck like oh

[1:31:27] it's this that format for cutting trailers does it to me I hate it so much

[1:31:32] because I'm like body you know exactly what's going on here yeah but it still

[1:31:35] thrills me I hope that helped yeah thanks guys

[1:31:39] oh that helps with your problem I just wish we should speed up but okay I'm

[1:31:47] Josh last name withheld so you guys have gone on record about how much you love

[1:31:52] the Brandon Graham's profit series yeah which started out as a Rob Liefeld

[1:31:59] character and I don't want to you know talk any shit about Rob Liefeld but he's

[1:32:04] not here right he's busy not drawing a character's feet he's been he's busy

[1:32:12] putting small little lines all over everything but my question is can you

[1:32:18] guys think of any examples in movies where the either a sequel or like a

[1:32:23] reimagining is it's not better at least vastly different than its source

[1:32:28] material I can think of two one where the source material is great and one

[1:32:34] where it's not right like the new Planet of the Apes movies the old planet movies

[1:32:38] I love the first Planet Apes movie is genuinely great film and the other ones

[1:32:42] are really fun but the new Planet Apes movies I'm like they did a good job with

[1:32:45] these are really really good but also like the old the fly

[1:32:49] Vincent Price everything like an alright movie it's good but the David

[1:32:53] Cronenberg the fly is like it's like a totally different way to take it and so

[1:32:56] creepy and yeah I was gonna say the same thing with the thing oh yeah but that

[1:33:01] yelled the thing perfectly good sci-fi flick but then the John Carpenter thing

[1:33:05] it's like what am I watching this is amazing

[1:33:08] it's an alien turning into a dog in front of my very eyes and it gets all

[1:33:11] technically don't defibrillate that guy's chest it's gonna turn into a

[1:33:15] mouth and the score is so great yeah it's great and you're gonna take the

[1:33:21] contrary stance that John covers the thing sucks cuz I'll have to fight you

[1:33:25] no I just I'm not coming up with anything very good I mean like there's

[1:33:29] stuff like I don't know like vertigo that was based on like a short story

[1:33:34] like a pulp short story that no one remembers or something like that but yeah

[1:33:39] I don't know why you're specifying that because we're in Canada yeah look at

[1:33:47] like I mean like the Godfather is it kind of a hot-boiler book yeah yeah they

[1:33:53] turned it into a video game

[1:33:59] all right thank you thank you very much hi I'm sorry

[1:34:04] I'm Julian last name withheld hi Julian this side no I'm friends with Frank

[1:34:11] D'Angelo's godson oh yeah do not tell him we're here he's a cool guy he knows

[1:34:16] that here he's well aware that Frank D'Angelo is crazy oh okay yeah I found

[1:34:22] out that he was a grant grants godson cuz I was insulting Frank D'Angelo to

[1:34:26] him and he was like that's hilarious that's my godfather he was actually he

[1:34:30] took him out for smokes and asked him if he likes movies at his showing of

[1:34:34] Sicilian Vampire anyway I have a question like a sort of the same

[1:34:38] question but a different question for everybody so for Elliot if you can make

[1:34:42] any movie with Sylvester Stallone what would it be for Dan if you can make any

[1:34:46] movie with Nick Cage and Stuart any movie with Stuart Gordon wait if I could

[1:34:51] make a movie with yeah like as an actor or just helping you direct how hard to

[1:35:01] know there's so much possibility Sylvester Stallone can do it all he's

[1:35:06] amazing maybe has there ever been a movie about like a tough guy who becomes

[1:35:10] a kindergarten cop are you thinking of kindergarten cop to starring Dolph

[1:35:16] Lundgren that's the one I'm thinking of I don't know like you like you might

[1:35:24] have another Rambo in him because we haven't seen Rambo die on screen yet but

[1:35:29] this time no no I know the movie I would make okay there's a story that I

[1:35:33] wanted to do as a comic book once a long time ago based on the true tale

[1:35:37] supposedly that the cage that Stalin sent KGB agents to assassinate John Wayne

[1:35:43] because he was too valuable to American propaganda and the FBI stopped it and I

[1:35:48] wanted to do a story called John Wayne versus Russia where John Wayne he just

[1:35:53] wades the shore on one end of Russia and he just battles his way across until

[1:36:00] he gets to Stalin and this it started growing into this kind of like League of

[1:36:05] Disreputable Hollywood gentlemen we're like Errol Flynn is there and Robert

[1:36:09] Mitchum is there like all these guys who had kind of like shady or criminal

[1:36:13] events in their lives I'm for them to earn their job to earn their freedom by

[1:36:17] helping John Wayne stop Russia Sylvester Stallone to play John Wayne okay I was

[1:36:21] gonna yeah I was about to ask yeah I think that the answer would also again

[1:36:29] have to be cheeky okay interesting put Nicolas Cage in it as cheeky a little

[1:36:35] something for the ladies who doesn't want to see Nicolas Cage's butt for two

[1:36:41] hours just a static shot it's a static shot of his butt does he we're not we're

[1:36:46] not really like it's a loose remake of cheeky somebody cried out in ecstasy

[1:36:56] yeah and I mean I guess with Stuart Gordon I maybe like the Dunwich horror

[1:37:02] or some other classic Lovecraft story because I like what he does with those

[1:37:05] he makes them extra gross cool thanks thank you these are good questions let's

[1:37:12] keep it moving Carter last name withheld Elliot you said that you only

[1:37:17] recently started taking notes because you moved to LA so I'm wondering if you

[1:37:21] if the three of you either Dan and Stewart in Brooklyn or you in LA have

[1:37:25] run into other types of like production problems or challenges that you've had

[1:37:28] to come up with creative solutions to now that you're recording across the

[1:37:31] country that you could share not so much creative solutions there's just been

[1:37:35] like technical yeah there's a lot of technical glitches that I've had to put

[1:37:39] I had to explain why you could hear a helicopter passing by my house I mean

[1:37:45] most of the time it's just Elliot fucking talking and we just have a tape

[1:37:48] of me going uh-huh sure dude I have found that like it's already hard for me

[1:37:56] to break in on Elliot talking but it's even harder when I'm like looking at him

[1:37:59] on a Skype screen because it feels like I'm just watching like the Elliot show

[1:38:05] on television and I kind of forget that it's part of my job to talk to him

[1:38:09] that's why if you'll notice more often I've been trying to go what do you think

[1:38:13] about that Dan or I'll set up a premise to be like Dan what would that be like

[1:38:16] which in the improv world is called pimping and it's frowned upon because

[1:38:21] maybe the other person doesn't have something to say but I guess I'll learn

[1:38:26] something tonight I appreciate the impulse every look every recording I

[1:38:30] feel like is us jumping off a cliff and hoping there's something we can land on

[1:38:33] yeah I think another problem is we we also because we're not all together we

[1:38:38] don't want we don't always watch the movie all together right before we

[1:38:42] record which is which is in some ways good because it can be fucking exhausting

[1:38:47] to watch a long movie and then have to talk about it right away and it got to

[1:38:51] the point where I had to stop drinking during the movies because I'd get so

[1:38:55] sleepy the audience like oh but the best ones are when Stewart's wasted but

[1:39:04] the but so we watch it we often watch them on our own or sometimes they and I

[1:39:09] watch it together you know because we're friends and but we'll watch it a couple

[1:39:14] days before the taping and yeah you forget some of the details yeah it's not

[1:39:19] fresh in your mind but there's trade-offs with every new development

[1:39:24] yeah and that's it that's the answer now can you hear a good story

[1:39:34] hi guys Emily last name with help hello first of all welcome to Canada and I'm

[1:39:40] very glad that all three of you were able to come so my question is given

[1:39:45] that we're in Toronto otherwise known as Hollywood more we do okay so we call

[1:39:55] it a say don't buy us as Hollywood North

[1:40:00] Visit our northern campus in Toronto. I've heard they call Hollywood South Toronto. I would buy that.

[1:40:08] I believe that. What are some of your favorite examples of movies that are

[1:40:14] clearly filmed in Toronto aka Hollywood North or another Canadian city but are

[1:40:20] set in a major American city like New York or Los Angeles?

[1:40:27] A Bronx where the gangs ride around in like dune buggies with like colorful

[1:40:32] streetcars. The snow-capped mountains of the Bronx. Or I would also say your own

[1:40:41] Frank D'Angelo in his movie No Deposit where I guess it must be like a New York

[1:40:46] bank but there's just it's on a road with a tree line right behind it and

[1:40:50] it's clearly just like off somewhere in the suburbs. I don't know.

[1:40:54] Somewhere in the Canadian wilderness. There's this bank or whatever

[1:40:58] building he used to stand in for a bank and it doesn't look very New York.

[1:41:03] Rumble in the Bronx is a genuinely fun movie and it there's a certain point where I

[1:41:10] start to like the fact that so clearly not shot in the Bronx because it's like

[1:41:14] I guess this is like the Jackie Chan version of the Bronx. Yeah there's

[1:41:18] mountains. This has nothing to do with the fact that it's shot in Canada but I

[1:41:21] just love the fact that that movie ends with him running a hovercraft over

[1:41:27] the guy and his butt is showing out because he's chafed the butt off his

[1:41:31] pants and like everyone's like yeah like we've defeated the villain like

[1:41:37] everything's solved now. Also runner-up every episode of The X-Files.

[1:41:43] Yeah like what you know Langley, Virginia. No it's not. Come on.

[1:41:48] That's the Arizona desert. Come on. Yeah. Thanks. Step right up. Getting close to the

[1:41:58] end here. Dan, don't advertise your joy at that fact quite so openly.

[1:42:03] Hi Peaches. Matt, last name withheld. So good news, Flophouse has been optioned to a

[1:42:10] major motion picture but we need a little help with the screenplay. It has? It has.

[1:42:13] Have you heard? We did it everybody. Yeah. Screw this then. Oh no, it's the Weinstein company. Oh no.

[1:42:22] Dan, I'm sorry, I talked over your heel click. Dan was doing one bit and I was

[1:42:28] doing another bit and when two bits collide there's just little bits of them

[1:42:31] lying around everywhere. Just wanted to say we need some help with the

[1:42:34] screenplay. I want the save the cat moment for each of you. Save the cat

[1:42:38] moment for each of us. I guess what the thing we got to achieve or the... Well the thing

[1:42:42] to endear you as the protagonist early on. Okay. Endear us as the protagonist. So what

[1:42:48] would happen is I would kick open the door holding pizza and say who wants

[1:42:53] pizza? That would be unsafe. We would open up the pizza and unfortunately half the

[1:43:00] pizza has already been eaten by me. I feel like that would be unsafe because the

[1:43:04] audience in the theater would jump out of the seats and rush to the screen for

[1:43:06] the pizza. Yeah, yeah. Rip through it a la gremlins. I feel like mine would be like, mine's like

[1:43:12] too real. Like I would just be like, it would be like a, just revealing my

[1:43:17] bachelor lifestyle. Like it'd be one of those things where like you see me

[1:43:21] coming home, opening the fridge, looking in and it's a wall of condiments on the

[1:43:27] wall and no actual food in the fridge. Like this is what happens when you

[1:43:32] become a single man, is you have three different types of mustard and nothing

[1:43:37] that you would put the mustard on. So you're telling me that in the movie a

[1:43:42] single man, Colin Firth, otherwise a very stylish and put-together person. Yeah.

[1:43:47] It's just a refrigerator full of condiments. Yeah. And he's just standing

[1:43:50] in his beautifully tailored suits what over the sink just pouring ketchup into

[1:43:53] his mouth. Or relish. I mean he is Colin Firth. Yeah, maybe it's relish. Yeah. Yeah, I think for me,

[1:44:01] just showing me with my happy home life, family. Oh God. Refrigerator full of

[1:44:07] delicious foodstuffs. And then it all gets. Yeah, and an email inbox brimming with

[1:44:13] notifications from friends. Too many social occasions to deal with. Oh, so I'm

[1:44:19] sorry, Dan. Dan has stepped behind the screen, which would also be a great name

[1:44:23] for your bio, behind the screen. Yeah, and then that would all be taken away from

[1:44:29] me in a moment. I'd have to get it back. Oh no. Book of Job style. Who'd taken my

[1:44:34] fight to God himself. Here, Gold, we'll call you. Okay, thank you. Now I kind of want to make an

[1:44:40] action movie out of the Book of Job. And it's like, uh-oh, behemoth's in town.

[1:44:45] God's all bragging about how he created a behemoth. Anyway, anyway, not a lot of Bible scholars in the

[1:44:51] audience. Hello there, Jeff, last name withheld. One of my favorite movies of

[1:44:56] all time is L.A. Confidential. And this is a movie that basically, Kim Basinger was

[1:45:02] the only person that anybody heard of in the movie. But then everyone else in the

[1:45:05] movie became huge, at least for a few years in certain cases. Like that James

[1:45:11] Cromwell. Exactly, like teenage girls were putting posters of James Cromwell on their

[1:45:15] back. They were ripping down, I don't know who teenage girls like in the early,

[1:45:18] late 90s. I don't know, Richard Marks? I don't know. I think you're very Canadian, sir.

[1:45:24] Thank you. Anyways, what are some other movies that featured a lot of unknowns

[1:45:30] that it was their big star break? Well, looking back, it's weird that like Saving

[1:45:36] Private Ryan has a fair amount of that. Like Vin Diesel is in that, before he was

[1:45:39] Vin Diesel. And you watch it now and you're like, there's not a lot of stuff for Vin Diesel to do in this movie.

[1:45:43] It's like, oh right, because he wasn't Vin Diesel yet. But there's a, there's more like

[1:45:48] Hazed and Confused, people talk about a lot. Like it's got a ton of future stars, but

[1:45:53] then also these like locals that you never heard from again. It's a show you can go two ways in its life.

[1:45:58] Sometimes she's a grizzly man, sometimes she's a bartender on cheers. I just watched, I just

[1:46:03] watched Working Girl recently, and like there's a young Kevin Spacey in it.

[1:46:08] That's really great. Yeah, it's easy to think of like ones where there's just

[1:46:12] like one or two people. Like it's harder to come up with like, like I, my brain

[1:46:16] went to Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but then I'm like, well it's not like Judge

[1:46:20] Reinhold became like the toast of Hollywood or something like that. He was

[1:46:24] in Vice Versa. He was on the poster for Vice Versa. And he puts that on his resume. I was on the

[1:46:32] poster for Vice Versa. Special skills can appear on posters. Special skills. Cameras will

[1:46:39] photograph me. But uh, I guess, yeah, there's a, it's, it's fun to watch those

[1:46:44] movies back and you're like, oh wait a minute, I didn't know all these people

[1:46:48] were in this movie. I thought they were just nobodies. Turns out there were

[1:46:51] somebodies in the making. Mm-hmm. Well thank you very much. Thank you. I'm being

[1:46:55] very pithy and you guys are not liking it very much. Last question. Andre, last

[1:47:02] name withheld? In Sicilian Vampire, there is definitely an element of, wow, how did

[1:47:08] they get James Caan? What formally... Money! There's a certain thing that anyone, no

[1:47:14] matter how great an artist, needs to survive. Especially if like James Caan,

[1:47:20] they had a very messy divorce very recently. Or not recently. I don't know. He

[1:47:24] blames his divorce for doing that movie. I don't know. But money. Anyway, sorry. What

[1:47:28] formally Oscar-nominated but currently washed-up actor would you really like to

[1:47:32] get to guest star on The Flophouse to make everyone go, wow, how did they get

[1:47:35] that guy or girl? I mean, I feel like we would... There are plenty of actors who are

[1:47:42] in that same family of like, we'll work for food. The Baldwin family? Yeah. Like F. Murray

[1:47:51] Abraham, brilliant in Amadeus, like will appear in anything. Will appear in your

[1:47:56] Domino's Pizza commercial if you pay him in Domino's Pizza. I don't think you

[1:48:03] should be his agent anymore. You're like, Murr-F, F, remember to mail me my slice

[1:48:10] with my commission. You said you drove a hard bargain for me. Why all the pizzas?

[1:48:21] So is that who you'd want on the show? Who would you want? F. Murray Abraham? Yeah, man. He's a great actor. Why do you think that's surprising? F. Murray Abraham. This is not the name I expected you to say. We're talking about Oscar-nominated actors, right? Oscar winning. Oscar winning. So I would say Lance

[1:48:39] Hendrickson. Hold on. Didn't he win for, what, Millennium? Was that a show? Pumpkinhead. He won it for Pumpkinhead, guys.

[1:48:52] You get four Pinocchios for this. I just recently watched Pumpkinhead and I was like, man, I wish Lance

[1:48:59] Hendrickson was in more stuff. I should see what he's doing now, but then I'm like,

[1:49:02] wait a minute. He's an old guy. He might be a bad person to like now. So I didn't

[1:49:09] look it up. I'm ignorant. If it makes you feel any better, it's my understanding

[1:49:15] that he mostly just does pottery now. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah. So he's like

[1:49:19] Peter Weller, where Peter Weller was like, I'm tired of being a RoboCop. I'm going to go to

[1:49:23] archaeology school. Yeah. And then he went on to direct a bunch of episodes of Sons

[1:49:27] of Anarchy. Oh, did he? I guess he was like, I'm tired of archaeology. Time to get back

[1:49:31] into Tinseltown. Thought I'd get a lot more fame and glory from all this archaeology. I watched all

[1:49:38] those writers, those Indiana Jones movies and I got the wrong impression. Yeah, I

[1:49:42] thought archaeologists lived an exciting life and he threw up an old pot that he

[1:49:46] had discovered down and it cracked into pieces. Lance Hendrickson walked by and was like, hey, wait a

[1:49:51] minute. I can do something with that. And a great potter was born. Harry Potter. The

[1:49:58] world's favorite boy wizard.

[1:50:00] son of Beatrix Potter words do sound like other words guys they certainly do

[1:50:07] yeah in this language I don't know if it works in other languages um I'm having

[1:50:11] trouble thinking of anybody but I'm sure there's tons of them you know it's like

[1:50:14] you always have lots of people winning Oscars and then you know hard to sustain

[1:50:19] that sort of thing but I'll think of one and I will announce it to the heavens

[1:50:23] you'll later date you will hear it think of one you'll write it on a piece of

[1:50:28] paper you'll pour some poutine over it and you'll mail it back to this

[1:50:31] gentleman but I get to eat the rest of the poutine oh yeah yeah yeah they didn't

[1:50:37] say all of it okay not even most though right because I want as big a portion as

[1:50:42] I can okay we'll talk about your portion of poutine off air more than one quarter

[1:50:49] portion it's a Star Wars reference stand sorry okay I'm done so that's our

[1:50:58] show as always another oh thank you another flop house ends not with a bang

[1:51:11] but with a whimper as I beg for my nightly poutine and Dan has to keep me

[1:51:16] honest this will mean nothing to the listeners at home who listen to this

[1:51:22] later on but we will be hanging out a little bit after the show at the Monarch

[1:51:27] bar which is just around the corner you want to say hi that's where we'll be

[1:51:32] yeah come see us on the second floor I believe yes but just you don't want to

[1:51:39] thank everyone for coming out and being like nice to them this time think about

[1:51:46] what you would want someone to say to you and then say it they came I love you

[1:51:51] guys

[1:52:00] now thank you for coming out thanks to Canada for letting us into your borders

[1:52:05] thanks to Toronto specifically for having us here thanks to the Royal

[1:52:10] Theatre that's where we're at right mm-hmm yep they've been really nice and

[1:52:14] really helpful and really welcoming and is there anything going on in the lobby

[1:52:20] that we should mention you say go maple leaves or something they would love that

[1:52:26] they would love that go maple leaves okay say something about Raptors I won't

[1:52:36] say sorry I can't I can't get it I can't open that can of worms again we should

[1:52:41] just wrap up right yeah thank you for coming and we're really awkward so thank

[1:52:48] you every thank the theater I stank the theater already Jesus Christ you guys

[1:52:53] are setting me up to fail okay figured it out all right we should probably go

[1:52:57] then thank you so much everybody thank you

[1:53:04] all right is he still selling stuff I don't know we don't know whether he's

[1:53:10] still selling stuff but if he is Tony Oker was selling some stuff outside and

[1:53:13] who are you oh I've been boy and I've been Stuart Wellington and I've been

[1:53:18] Elliot Kalin this is a mess

[1:53:34] I was very educational I was not expecting that I'm gonna check your

[1:53:38] notes after this oh about the about your pocket area about your podcast

[1:53:42] about your podcast we rehearsed this bit before guys yeah I totally mess it up

[1:53:48] there's the glasses glasses Dan all right do you need to sit down for a

[1:53:51] little bit guys maybe everybody leave for like five minutes well we do we do

[1:53:58] this a lot before the podcast which doesn't know about is Stuart and I have

[1:54:00] to shrink down tiny size get in Dan's mouth and subdue his tongue so that it

[1:54:05] will listen to the commands he gives it and that doesn't go rogue I make my

[1:54:10] living with words people so Dan was that the basis of the hit film rogue tongue a

[1:54:18] Star Wars tale I don't even know whether jokes work anymore

[1:54:29] maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. 252 - The Book of Henry LIVE

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