Ep. 252 - The Book of Henry LIVE

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of the show, we discuss the Book of Henry.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] Wait, I thought we review movies, not books, guys.

[0:10] Classic stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[0:11] And we're in Toronto!

[0:30] That's a lot of cheering.

[0:41] That's a lot of cheering.

Stuart Wellington

[0:42] I'm really glad I pitched you in the bit this time.

[0:46] Stuart was like, I got a bit, just let me do it.

[0:48] Don't worry, I got this.

[0:50] I believe you said you were like, strap yourselves in.

Elliott Kalan

[0:52] Because this is going to be like the old Maxell commercial,

[0:54] where the guy almost gets blasted out of a chair.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] And you guys, at this point, my track record is perfect.

[1:00] I've never let you down with a chair.

[1:02] Never.

[1:03] Never happened.

[1:03] All right, let's get into the actual show.

[1:06] In three, two.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13] What are you doing?

[1:14] What is that?

[1:17] You like stirring something?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20] I figure if I did it faster, Dan would go faster.

Dan McCoy

[1:25] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:27] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:29] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:30] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:32] Yeah!

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Yeah!

[1:34] Yeah!

[1:35] And we are live in Toronto.

[1:38] Toronto.

[1:40] Thanks.

[1:41] And as everyone knows who's listening to this,

[1:44] Toronto is the home city of everyone's

[1:46] fifth favorite rideable Star Wars animal.

[1:51] Toronto.

[1:51] Toronto, I got it.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:53] Solid number five.

[1:54] I understand.

[1:55] You're probably wondering what the other ones are.

[1:56] Nope.

[1:56] Number one, Tauntaun, naturally.

[1:59] Yeah.

[2:00] Number two, Dewback.

[2:01] And I'm not talking the CGI special edition Dewbacks.

[2:04] I mean the Dewback that sits in the background

[2:06] and doesn't move.

[2:07] Number three, that robot-headed thing

[2:09] that almost steps on Rey in Force Awakens.

[2:12] Okay.

[2:12] I don't know if it's an animal wearing a helmet

[2:14] or some kind of cyborg beast.

[2:15] I just know I want to ride it.

[2:17] Number four, that Strider from the Dark Crystal.

[2:19] Not a Star Wars movie, but who knows?

[2:21] Maybe.

[2:22] Disney owns all that stuff.

[2:23] Maybe it's part of one universe now.

[2:25] And Captain America shows up.

[2:27] And number five, The Ronto.

[2:29] Bred here in Toronto.

Dan McCoy

[2:31] I would like to say that I am genuinely amazed

[2:34] that you were able to come up.

[2:35] You started that bit,

[2:37] and then you jumped in.

[2:38] It was like you were jumping into a pool

[2:41] that was not filled.

[2:43] And somehow, before you hit the water,

[2:46] it just sprayed in there.

Elliott Kalan

[2:47] Yeah, it just peed enough in there to fill it up.

[2:49] Yeah.

[2:50] Swim around in it.

[2:52] All right.

[2:54] Banthas are...

[2:55] Someone yelled out,

[2:56] what about Banthas?

[2:57] Banthas are great.

Stuart Wellington

[2:58] They're a solid...

[2:59] Starring Bill Murray's in that?

[3:01] What about Banthas?

Elliott Kalan

[3:02] They're a solid number six.

[3:05] It is too easy to be killed by Imperial troops

[3:07] while riding Banthas.

[3:08] And their tracks are too easy to counterfeit

[3:10] by Imperial troops.

[3:12] So that's why they're number six.

[3:14] Otherwise, they'd be much higher up.

[3:15] Thank you.

[3:16] All right.

[3:16] Your logic holds together.

[3:17] Again, they also lose points by the fact that

[3:20] people don't have...

[3:22] What do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

[3:25] They lose...

[3:25] And this is not the Banthas' fault.

[3:27] They lose points by the fact that

[3:29] Bantha is the same in Huddy as in English.

[3:32] So it just reminds me when I think of them

[3:34] about how lazy the Hutts are.

[3:36] So what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[3:38] Dan's checking his fucking Instagrams.

[3:41] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie

[3:44] and then we talk about it.

[3:46] And in this case, we watched a movie called

[3:48] The Book of Henry.

[3:49] And it's appropriate that you talk about Star Wars

[3:51] because this is a movie that probably lost the director

[3:54] a Star Wars movie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:56] Now, guys, guys, guys.

[3:57] You just said we watched The Book of Henry.

[3:59] But that's a book.

[4:01] All right.

[4:03] Callback.

[4:05] Brilliant callback to a brilliant joke.

[4:07] This isn't a library podcast.

Dan McCoy

[4:11] Hammering the same joke.

[4:13] Like Hammerhead, a.k.a.

[4:15] Momon Adon from the Star Wars movies.

Elliott Kalan

[4:17] Dan, you're trapped between a guy who thinks

[4:19] this is a podcast about saying things or books

[4:21] when they're not,

[4:22] and a guy who thinks it's time to bring in Star Wars.

[4:26] Who's going to win in the battle of the concepts?

Dan McCoy

[4:29] It's fine.

[4:30] I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[4:30] So, yeah, Book of Henry.

[4:32] It's directed by Colin Trevorrow.

[4:35] Who was directed Jurassic World

[4:37] and was all set to direct Star Wars episodes

[4:40] something or other.

[4:40] The saga continues to go.

[4:43] I don't know which Star Wars movie it was going to be.

Dan McCoy

[4:45] Still a better title than Solo.

[4:46] It's fine.

Elliott Kalan

[4:47] Oh, was it the Solo one?

[4:48] No, no, no.

[4:49] He was going to do it.

[4:49] He was going to do Episode 9.

[4:50] Oh, that Solo was the one Lord and Miller were fired from.

[4:52] Episode 9 is the one he was fired from.

[4:54] Who's going to be fired from a Star Wars movie next?

[4:56] I can't wait to find out.

[4:57] Is it you?

[4:58] Oh.

[5:00] Contest winners, listen up.

[5:03] Colin would be our 100th caller

[5:05] and you could be fired from directing the Star Wars movie.

[5:08] Imagine how impressed your friends will be

[5:10] when they find out that your vision clashed

[5:12] with that of Lucasfilm.

[5:15] Kathleen Kennedy said no, no, no to you.

[5:19] Call 1-800-Star-War-No.

[5:23] Director, yes.

[5:24] Hit the pound key and then the extension 456

[5:29] for the original trilogy.

[5:32] Press now.

[5:33] Break it out.

[5:35] But Book of Henry.

[5:36] So this is not a Star Wars movie.

[5:39] It's not even a science fiction movie, or is it?

[5:41] Well.

[5:41] It's certainly fictional.

[5:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:46] There's some science in it, right?

Elliott Kalan

[5:49] There's like a, well, there's medical science

[5:52] and there's like a Rube Goldberg, Goldberg.

[5:55] There's a Rube Goldberg contraption.

[5:56] It's physics.

[5:57] Which is, it's a Rube Goldberg contraption.

[5:59] He was Jewish, not a bird.

[6:01] Okay.

[6:01] It was not Rube Goldberg, which I said.

[6:03] I'm calling myself out on that and I apologize.

[6:05] Is that a Muppet that I'm not familiar with?

Dan McCoy

[6:08] Or a DuckTales character.

Elliott Kalan

[6:09] Yeah.

[6:10] That would be a great DuckTales character.

Dan McCoy

[6:13] So what happened in this movie, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[6:15] Let's talk about it.

[6:16] Okay.

[6:16] So the opening of this movie.

Dan McCoy

[6:18] I love to derail Elliot right before he starts talking.

[6:23] But even more than that, I love his notes where he very carefully writes,

[6:28] quote, Book of Henry at the top of his notes in case he forgot what we're doing.

Elliott Kalan

[6:33] A long time ago I said, Dan, one of these days I'm going to get organized.

[6:36] And then I did.

[6:37] Yeah.

[6:38] Okay.

[6:39] So I only started taking notes, by the way, when I moved to California.

[6:43] And I needed to take notes because I watched the movies myself.

[6:45] Before that, I was a noteless guy.

[6:47] Yeah.

[6:47] And as a result, I often forgot what happened in the movies.

[6:51] No more thanks to the power of the written word.

[6:54] For millennia, man has been communicating across oceans and across time

[7:00] with future generations through the power of the written word.

[7:04] Letters.

[7:05] Try them.

[7:08] From the Letters Council, I guess?

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:11] Brought to you by the Global Letters Council.

[7:15] Unless letter farmers organization.

[7:17] Mm-hmm.

[7:18] The sweetest letters are grown right from the best soil.

[7:23] He can only farm fresh letters.

[7:25] So anyway, the opening credits to this movie.

[7:27] It's all diagrams and sketches.

[7:28] We're flipping through the pages of a book, perhaps the titular book of Henry.

[7:32] And I have to admit, when the pages first started flipping, I was like,

[7:34] wait a minute, is this a Marvel movie?

Stuart Wellington

[7:35] No, it was not.

[7:36] When the pages started flipping, I was like, guys, we normally review movies.

[7:41] Okay.

[7:43] They're clearly showing us a book.

[7:45] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[7:46] That would be a bold move for a movie, is just to be showing you pages from a book and

[7:51] you have to read it.

[7:52] Mm-hmm.

[7:52] And that's the movie.

[7:54] Yeah.

[7:54] And it's like a book on tape, but it doesn't add anything.

Dan McCoy

[7:57] I assume that's what Dracula pages from A Virgin's Diary was, right?

Elliott Kalan

[8:01] Incorrect, Dan.

[8:02] That was a ballet film.

Dan McCoy

[8:03] A Canadian director.

[8:05] Anyone?

Elliott Kalan

[8:06] Anyone.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] That was my attempt at local pandering.

[8:10] Look.

[8:11] And it failed.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] If you guys aren't familiar with Guy Madden, go see his movies, both because they're great

[8:14] and your tax dollars are funding him.

[8:16] So you own those movies.

[8:19] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] I imagine Guy Madden stopping you on the highway and you're like, I pay your salary, sir.

Elliott Kalan

[8:26] Because he's a highway patrol officer.

[8:27] Yeah, exactly.

[8:30] He's just sitting on the side of the road on his motorcycle, writing a script about the

[8:34] sexual tension among a family of ghosts.

[8:37] And then he sees me speeding by and he flips it.

[8:40] He goes, visor down, throws the notes to the wind.

[8:43] His frequent collaborator, George Tolles, I think his name is, will pick those up.

[8:47] And then off to catch me on his motorbike.

Dan McCoy

[8:50] And that concludes the Guy Madden riff.

Elliott Kalan

[8:54] Anyway.

[8:55] So, all the stuff we're seeing in this book is like sketches of machines and a kid in goggles.

[9:00] It's real precocious shit.

[9:02] And there's a voiceover from a kid about how most people are good, but a lot of people are

[9:06] pricks.

[9:06] And sometimes people surprise you, but sometimes they don't.

[9:09] And this is over footage of a nerd getting bullied.

[9:11] And it's like, thanks, kid, for telling me nothing.

[9:13] Thanks for giving me a lot of truisms that cancel each other out.

[9:18] Henry is a, what?

[9:20] He's a young Sheldon, dude.

[9:22] He is basically a young Sheldon.

[9:23] Good point.

[9:24] He's of the genus young Sheldon.

[9:26] And he's a genius prodigy.

[9:30] And let's just say one thing before we get into the plot of the movie.

[9:33] He is insufferable.

[9:34] Yeah.

[9:35] But everyone treats him like he's amazing.

[9:37] They're like, Henry, but he's the best of us.

[9:39] All he does is tear other people down because they're not as smart as them.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] There is one thing I know.

[9:43] It's that children love a prodigy.

[9:46] Like other kids adore when someone is visibly smarter than them.

Stuart Wellington

[9:51] People like kids that stand out.

[9:53] Other kids want to support them so he can be their leader.

[9:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] Yeah.

[9:57] So Henry's class is doing presentations on my legacy, which is one of those assignments

[10:03] I don't think any teacher has ever even considered giving a student.

[10:07] If I'm wrong, find me after the show.

[10:09] Tell me what you said your legacy would be as a kid.

[10:12] But it allows someone to come up and tell you the theme of the movie before the movie starts.

[10:16] Henry says, hey, he lays some knowledge on the class.

[10:19] The first kid is like, I want to be the best dodgeball player ever.

[10:21] I'll inspire other kids to be better dodgeball players.

[10:23] It's like, okay, he's not aiming.

[10:24] Yeah, that's a noble pursuit.

[10:26] For a kid, what is he supposed to say?

[10:28] I'm going to end what's happening in Burma?

[10:31] Like, come on.

[10:32] He's a kid.

[10:33] He doesn't watch the news.

[10:33] He's not Sylvester Stallone.

[10:35] No.

Dan McCoy

[10:36] And Henry gets up and he's like, you idiot.

Elliott Kalan

[10:39] Henry lays down some knowledge on the class about how we're all going to die.

[10:42] Let's just do the best we can, quote, while we're on this side of the dirt.

[10:45] And it's like, come on.

Stuart Wellington

[10:46] Yeah, a scene like that would normally happen at the end of like a dystopia movie where

[10:50] the main character's like, why do we do this thing?

[10:53] And you're like, I don't know.

[10:54] Why do you do this thing, guys?

[10:56] Why do you have Hunger Games?

[10:57] It seems stupid.

[10:58] Don't tell me why they have Hunger Games.

Elliott Kalan

[11:01] I just think it's dumb that they call it the Hunger Games.

[11:04] They should call it like, this is it.

[11:06] This is an actual problem I have with the Hunger Games movies.

[11:10] All right.

[11:10] The government should call it like the cross-district games or the transnational games.

[11:15] Or the kid-fighting games.

[11:16] Or the kid-fighting games.

[11:18] And the peasants should call it the Hunger Games.

[11:20] But the government calls it the Hunger Games.

[11:23] Like they're telling the people, we're oppressing you.

[11:26] People don't do it.

[11:26] It's the same way people have complained about the Empire calling it the Death Star.

[11:29] It's like, why are you just owning that you're the bad guys at that moment?

[11:33] I mean, that makes sense for a weapon.

[11:35] Like a Hellfire missile or something.

[11:36] Anyway.

[11:37] Henry lays down that knowledge and the teacher is so impressed.

[11:39] She's like, Henry, you should be in a gifted school.

[11:41] And he says, no.

[11:42] Because regular social interaction is important for me at my age.

[11:44] And this was one of many times that I think we were all like, fuck you, movie.

[11:49] The next time came when the next shot is him calling in his stock trades on the payphone at the school.

[11:55] And he's like, hey, I guess it's the good thing about being born during a boom time for the market.

[11:59] And we're like, come on, movie.

Stuart Wellington

[12:01] And he doesn't even put on like a fake old guy voice or anything.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] No.

[12:05] What, you think it's like Whoopi Goldberg and the associate?

Stuart Wellington

[12:07] Yeah, I mean, but it feels like, I mean, a kid can't just like make stock trades, right?

[12:12] I bet the ref looked through the rule book and he was like, nothing that says a kid can't make stock trades.

[12:16] Fucking Air Bud's going to be making.

Elliott Kalan

[12:18] There's a dog looking through the ticker tape.

[12:20] Oh, no.

[12:21] Tech stocks are dropping.

[12:22] The bubbles burst.

[12:23] Rough.

[12:26] Easy as a dog.

[12:28] Anyway, at this point, it was like little man Tate, more like little man hate.

[12:32] We hate this kid.

[12:33] That's when mom, Naomi Watts, picks them up, him and his little brother, Peter,

[12:37] who was the kid we were seeing getting bullied on the school bus earlier under the thematic VO.

[12:42] They drive to their leafy suburban street to piano music.

[12:45] Let's not do that anymore.

[12:47] Movies.

[12:47] It's been done.

[12:49] Driving through suburban streets to piano music.

[12:52] Let's not do that anymore.

[12:53] Henry and I just wrote here.

Stuart Wellington

[12:54] That's the sort of thing that's introduced early in a movie so that people are like,

Elliott Kalan

[12:58] uh, I need to make a quick snack bar run.

[13:01] Let me do this.

[13:03] Henry and I did not realize the younger brother's name at this point,

[13:06] so my notes just say glasses kid.

[13:07] They've been working on a kind of Rube Goldberg style contraption in their secret wood fort with a fire engine door in the woods.

[13:16] Dan, you had an issue with this.

Dan McCoy

[13:18] I just hate any time in a movie where kids do a thing that kids are unable to do.

[13:24] Like kids like...

Elliott Kalan

[13:26] Like in the Incredibles?

[13:28] Uh...

Dan McCoy

[13:28] Yeah, Dan.

[13:31] Like the Incredibles.

[13:33] Not superpowers, but like when kids are able to rig up elaborate things.

[13:38] Like the entire movie Home Alone is basically that.

[13:41] Or like your son of Rambos.

[13:42] Yeah, exactly.

[13:43] It's like...

[13:44] I've never known a kid to be able to, you know, like have the mechanical knowledge or cleverness to build a Rube Goldberg machine.

[13:51] Even if he's the genius that Henry is supposed to be.

Elliott Kalan

[13:54] Well, one, Kevin McAllister, not a prodigy.

[13:57] Yeah.

[13:58] Just a kid who was in a bad situation.

[14:00] He had to figure out how to stop those wet bandits, as Stuart said.

[14:03] So named because by the end of the day, they were all wet.

Stuart Wellington

[14:05] Were they going to kill him at the end?

[14:07] I mean, I'm sure there's been talk to death on podcasts, but the wet bandits were going to kill him, right?

[14:12] That's the threat?

[14:13] They were going to murder that kid.

[14:14] Oh, for sure.

[14:15] For sure.

[14:16] Okay.

[14:16] Definitely.

[14:17] Cool.

Elliott Kalan

[14:17] Okay, cool.

[14:18] Their hands would be wet with blood.

[14:20] That's where the name comes from.

[14:22] Well, only because Joe Pesci, you couldn't see it in a lot of the shots, but he's carrying a samurai sword.

[14:26] And he knows when he uncheats it, it has to taste the blood of his enemies or else he can't put it back in the sheath.

[14:31] It's hungry.

[14:32] Yeah.

[14:33] Anyway, I feel like I hijacked a Stuart joke.

[14:35] No, it's okay.

[14:37] So, Naomi Watts, it's your classic.

[14:40] It's literally the classic, like, mom who is in awe of her prodigy son, and the prodigy son is kind of keeping the family together.

[14:46] They are a very quirky family.

Stuart Wellington

[14:48] Yeah, classic role reversal.

[14:50] While he's doing the banking, she's sitting on the couch awkwardly playing video games.

Elliott Kalan

[14:55] And, yes, she plays them like someone who just learned how to play video games for the shoot.

[14:59] She's holding the controller out like it's on fire.

[15:04] There is a moment, though, where he says to her, mom, when you move the controller like that, it doesn't actually help you at all.

[15:10] And it's like, technically that's true, but as I said to you guys when you're watching it, anything that gets you into the mind of the character you're playing helps you.

[15:18] It puts you in the situation.

Stuart Wellington

[15:19] Elliot paused the movie and started berating us.

Elliott Kalan

[15:22] I was like, you guys, I've heard this long enough.

[15:26] It's technically true, but it's not emotionally true.

[15:29] So, step off, Henry, by which I mean Dan and Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[15:34] I'm sorry, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[15:35] Anyway, but it's a quirky family, and they talk in that, like, hyper-articulate Gilmore Girls style.

[15:42] And the whole time I was thinking, I hope my family is not this quirky to other people, because I have a fairly quirky family.

[15:47] But I hope we don't come off this quirky.

Dan McCoy

[15:50] What's your sitcom title, The Fairly Quirky Family?

Elliott Kalan

[15:53] I don't see it.

[15:54] Yeah.

[15:55] Okay, well, pitch it to me.

[15:55] What happens on this show?

Dan McCoy

[15:58] Why am I watching?

[15:59] Why am I watching?

Elliott Kalan

[15:59] I got a lot of shows I can watch or stream, or maybe I just sit around looking at a wall.

Dan McCoy

[16:03] I mean, you're watching it because you're literally in it.

[16:06] So I'm starring in it.

[16:07] This is what's called narrow casting, Elliot.

[16:08] Okay.

[16:10] In the future, every show is going to be pitched to one person in particular.

Elliott Kalan

[16:14] Okay.

[16:14] So this show is pitched to me.

[16:16] What does it have in it?

[16:17] It's got Sammy.

[16:18] Okay, great.

[16:18] My favorite thing.

[16:19] It's got your wife.

[16:20] Okay, my other favorite thing.

[16:21] It's got you.

[16:22] Not such a fan.

[16:24] No.

[16:25] Here's the elements you're missing right now, Dan, if you really want to capture the me market.

[16:29] Dinosaurs, vampires, cowboys.

[16:31] Abraham Lincoln.

[16:32] Let's get those four elements in there.

[16:34] I'm not saying how you have to put them together.

[16:36] Just get them in there.

Dan McCoy

[16:37] All right.

[16:38] I'll take it back for retooling, and maybe we can make this deal happen.

Elliott Kalan

[16:41] That would be wonderful.

[16:42] I don't know how the deal would work exactly.

[16:44] Am I producing the show as well as the audience for it?

Stuart Wellington

[16:47] I don't know.

[16:48] I lost track of this role play.

[16:50] I like that you're retooling a non-idea.

Elliott Kalan

[16:56] Naomi Watts is a working single mom.

[16:58] She's trying to raise her sons, but Henry is the one who's really supporting the family

[17:01] with his whiz kid financial wizardry, whiz kid stuff.

[17:04] And you know what?

[17:05] It's like they're more like friends and roommates than family.

[17:07] This is the show, Dan.

[17:09] It's called Book of Henry the Show, but you can't make a show out of this, and we'll get

[17:12] to why.

[17:13] Next door, there's Glenn, Dean Norris from Breaking Bad, among other things.

[17:17] And he has a stepdaughter.

[17:19] Glenn's very nosy and fussy.

[17:20] He has a daughter Henry's age, and let's just say it.

[17:23] Henry is convinced that Glenn is molesting his daughter.

Dan McCoy

[17:26] All right.

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:27] Content warning.

[17:29] Child abuse.

[17:30] Child abuse.

[17:31] And coming up, child death.

[17:35] Spoiler alert, Dan.

[17:37] Hilarious fodder for a bad movie podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] All around.

[17:41] You know it's going to be hilarious because she works at a diner with Bobby Moynihan and

[17:44] sassy waitress Sarah Silverman.

[17:46] These two top comedy talents are going to, you know, they're going to make us knee slap

[17:49] and rip tickle.

[17:50] But not a lot of jokes for these two.

[17:53] They're playing very straight roles for the most part.

[17:55] Anyway, there's a lot of predictable prodigy moments.

[17:57] He beats an adult at checkers in a moment.

[17:59] He does all sorts of stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[18:01] Yeah, he does the thing where he's like about to get up from the table and his opponent,

[18:04] who's an older, like an older lunch lady or something.

[18:07] Old lady, yeah.

[18:08] And she's like, hey, wait, we're not done yet.

[18:10] And then he immediately just like jumps a bunch of things and he's like, now we're done.

Dan McCoy

[18:14] Which you could see.

[18:14] You're playing checkers.

[18:15] You could see the fact that you can jump three in a row.

[18:19] I mean, like this movie, even when it's aiming like low, it aims lower.

[18:24] Like it could be chess that he's playing.

[18:26] You don't know what's going on.

[18:27] That's the obvious thing.

Elliott Kalan

[18:28] You don't know what's going on in her life.

[18:29] Maybe she's not really that invested in this checkers game with a kid.

[18:32] I mean, she's probably got a lot of problems.

[18:34] She's an older lady who's still working in a service position.

[18:36] She's got to plan for a future.

[18:37] And this kid's like, hey, let's play some checkers, Hilda.

[18:40] And she's like, I've got to plan these things.

Dan McCoy

[18:42] You don't know that they actually have a lot riding on it to make it interesting.

[18:46] Oh, I see.

[18:47] Yeah, he gets extra chicken nuggets is the bet.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] And that comes out of her salary.

[18:52] Exactly.

[18:54] So he's already a villain.

[18:56] Anyway, his brother is upset with him about something.

[18:59] So he puts on a little playlet in their doorframe where he's like a polar explorer using suction cups,

[19:04] or using plungers as suction cups to get through a snowy wind made out of like a fan with paper or fluff or something.

[19:10] It's like Dan was saying.

[19:12] It's one of these things where...

Stuart Wellington

[19:12] He has his hands all over those toilet things.

[19:16] Plungers.

[19:17] Yeah, but they're in a toilet, right?

[19:19] I mean, not the handle usually.

[19:21] I mean, but you're getting all involved with that.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] Okay, that's true.

[19:26] Who's the guy who directed Eternal Sunshine?

[19:28] What's his name?

[19:29] Michelle Gondry.

[19:30] Okay, if this was Michelle Gondry as an adult and his younger brother, I'd be like, okay, I buy this.

[19:35] For like a kid, I don't buy it.

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:37] Okay.

[19:38] Unless they...

[19:39] Did I miss the reveal at the end where it said, and Henry grew up to be Michelle Gondry?

[19:44] We call them computers.

[19:46] Yeah.

[19:46] That's an imitation game joke.

[19:48] So anyway, I'm watching Sarah Silverman.

[19:51] They come home to drink and share stories and gripe.

[19:53] And Sarah Silverman actually says to her, I don't know how you do it.

[19:56] Which is the thing that I think every single mom gets asked in every movie.

[20:00] Henry kind of creepily watches the girl next door who's making ballerina shadow puppets.

[20:05] And again, it's implied that Glenn is doing terrible things.

[20:08] Next morning, Henry notices she's sad.

[20:11] And Henry storms out of the class into the principal's office.

[20:13] Calls the principal by her first name.

[20:15] She corrects it.

[20:16] And demands that she look into the situation.

Dan McCoy

[20:17] It's getting really granular in this.

Elliott Kalan

[20:19] But it's important for later on.

[20:21] All right.

[20:22] She says, Glenn's the police commissioner.

[20:24] She needs evidence.

[20:25] And Henry goes, I'll get evidence.

[20:28] They go to a...

[20:29] Yeah.

[20:30] There's a bunch of things like that we don't really need to get into.

[20:33] Sarah Silverman is passed out drunk and they have to go get her.

[20:36] Henry is very judgmental and makes catty comments about her clothes.

[20:40] Not endearing us to him.

[20:43] In the grocery store, Henry sees a man shoving his wife, question mark, girlfriend.

[20:47] And he wants to step in.

[20:49] And his mom says, no, you'll only make it worse.

[20:51] And Henry, you know, he has an urge to help.

[20:55] He's got to step in.

[20:55] He's a kid vigilante.

[20:57] Like an incredible.

[20:59] Or a kid Icarus.

[21:02] Or a...

Dan McCoy

[21:02] He's like a...

[21:04] He wants to pay it forward.

[21:05] Like Haley Joel Osment.

[21:06] Yeah.

[21:07] Shipping news.

[21:08] All that stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[21:08] Does Haley Joel Osment break up, like, couples disputes?

[21:12] He's a couples therapist.

Elliott Kalan

[21:14] In Pay It Forward 2, he was going to return as a hero.

[21:17] And he wanders the streets.

Dan McCoy

[21:18] He was going to return after he'd been stabbed in the first movie.

[21:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:21] He'd have to return from something.

[21:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:25] Wait, he got stabbed?

[21:26] Yeah.

[21:27] What?

[21:28] Yeah.

[21:28] That's the end of Pay It Forward.

[21:29] What is this movie?

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] Well, the movie is Pay It Forward.

[21:32] But here's the thing we have to remember about kids who want to help and make the world better

[21:36] in movies.

[21:36] They are not long for this world.

[21:38] They're just too good for it.

[21:40] Like Billy Joel said, only the good die young.

[21:42] Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[21:44] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[21:47] A singer.

[21:50] That's a reference to something from before the podcast.

[21:53] Anyway, the mom tells Henry, stop being so serious.

[21:57] He should have more fun.

[21:57] He should be a kid.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:58] Why so serious, Henry?

[21:59] Henry's just upset.

[22:00] Henry says, violence isn't the worst thing in the world.

[22:03] Apathy is.

[22:04] Hmm.

[22:05] Anyway.

[22:06] Let's...

Stuart Wellington

[22:06] Yep.

[22:07] That's...

[22:07] Yeah.

[22:07] It's a very like weird libertarian message right there.

[22:11] I feel like at this point...

Elliott Kalan

[22:12] Like the opposite, I would say.

Dan McCoy

[22:13] I feel like at this point we can jump ahead to the big first turning point.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Well, I just want to say there's one piece of information he learns.

[22:19] All right.

[22:20] You can't call child services because Glenn's brother runs child services.

[22:25] Oh.

[22:25] And their last name is Sickleman.

[22:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:27] This movie does a lot of work to convince us that there is absolutely no way that Henry

[22:33] can save this girl next door.

[22:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] Like...

[22:35] And he goes to the principal and the principal's like, that avenue, we can't go down.

[22:38] It's not going to happen.

[22:40] So he is out of options.

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] He is going to the rightful authorities and they're failing him.

[22:44] It's only...

[22:44] It's time for him to take the law into his own hands.

[22:46] And you know what that means?

[22:47] He's got a Harriet the Spy around town putting together some sort of master plan that unfortunately

[22:53] he doesn't get to pull off because suddenly he has a seizure.

[22:56] They take him to the hospital.

[22:58] Neurosurgeon Lee Pace, who you may remember from one of my favorite movies, The Fall, says,

[23:03] Henry's got a tumor.

[23:04] We need to look and see if we can operate.

[23:06] They take him in.

[23:07] Then they take him back to the hospital room and say, it's too big.

[23:10] They can't operate.

[23:11] Henry diagnoses it himself because, again, he's super duper smart.

[23:16] And he has to be alone.

[23:17] It's time for him to go into boring over his notebooks mode and looking at his financial papers

[23:23] because, much like former U.S. President Ulysses S. Grant, struggling to finish his memoirs

[23:29] as he dies of cancer to leave some financial reward to his family,

[23:36] Henry must now race against time to both prepare for his family's financial future

[23:41] and perhaps prepare for a mission that will change their lives forever

[23:44] and maybe do a bit of good in the world.

[23:46] Dan?

[23:47] Back to you, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[23:49] And in sports, a local team did a great thing.

[23:56] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] So we review movies on this show, right?

Elliott Kalan

[24:04] So there's a moment in the classroom where the teacher is having all the kids write Get Well cards

[24:08] and the kid who wanted to be a dodgeball champion, he's like,

[24:11] Henry has to get better, though.

[24:13] He's Henry.

[24:14] He has to be.

[24:15] He's the best of us.

[24:16] He doesn't say that, but that's the message.

[24:18] But he's the golden child.

[24:20] All our hopes and dreams are.

[24:22] He's the one who's going to escape this town.

[24:25] But anyway, Sarah Silverman visits Henry in a very strange scene.

[24:28] He admits he insults her because he has a crush on her and she kisses him and then leaves.

[24:32] And there's this moment of connection between them where you're like,

[24:35] is Sarah Silverman about to take this even further?

[24:37] She like runs off just to stop herself.

Stuart Wellington

[24:40] I mean, he's about to die, dude.

[24:44] Okay, that's not funny.

[24:45] Okay, cool.

[24:47] Take the temperature.

[24:48] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[24:50] Where's your social thermometers, too?

[24:54] Anyway, Henry says to Peter, I'm leaving behind a red notebook.

[24:58] You've got to tell mom to read it, but you don't read it.

[25:01] It's my last wish.

[25:03] And it's all sad.

[25:04] Bob's very sad.

[25:05] The mom's there.

[25:06] They have a sad.

[25:07] It's teary.

[25:07] It's cry.

[25:08] And it's like, even I, a parent who worries about his child every day,

Dan McCoy

[25:12] was like, move it along, people.

[25:13] Let's kill this kid off.

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] Let's put this kid in the dirt.

[25:16] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] Wrap it up.

[25:19] If we can make a pencil out of leaves, we can kill a kid.

[25:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:26] Come on.

[25:27] Finally, he does die in her arms, classic Pieta style.

[25:32] And there's a song she sings earlier accompanying herself on a ukulele that she sings to him now.

[25:37] There's kind of a sadness montage.

[25:39] The mom plays video games sadly.

[25:40] Peter's sad.

[25:41] Everyone's sad.

[25:42] And then mom enters the manic phase of her depression.

Stuart Wellington

[25:45] It's a little interesting because, like, I would have expected there to be, like, a funeral scene or something.

[25:51] No, he demanded no funeral.

[25:53] But it's, I mean, there's no...

Elliott Kalan

[25:54] Instead, he wanted his body stuffed and then brought to the classroom so he could go to school forever.

[25:59] And they said, I'll allow it.

[26:01] He was the best of us.

[26:02] Yeah, I guess.

[26:03] Maybe they bronzed his body and put it in the town square as an inspiration to future generations of children.

Stuart Wellington

[26:11] I mean, if they'd done that, I would have known.

[26:13] So, I think what I'm trying to get at is that it isn't 100% clear that he's dead.

Elliott Kalan

[26:21] Is the old, what, comic book rule?

[26:23] If you don't see the body, maybe they can come back?

Stuart Wellington

[26:25] Like, she's holding him for a while, but it's like, he could be asleep.

[26:30] You were ready to...

[26:31] So, you're a book of Henry truthers, what you're saying.

[26:35] I'm just saying, you know.

[26:37] It's interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] Is it illegal to ask the question, Dan?

[26:41] He's not saying one way or the other.

[26:43] He's just asking the question.

Dan McCoy

[26:44] You're like, jet fuel doesn't burn Henry.

[26:46] Henry.

Stuart Wellington

[26:51] People laugh when you make that joke, Dan, but when I make the same joke, people think I'm crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[26:59] The mom is having a breakdown.

[27:01] She says to Peter, I know how we're going to be happy.

[27:02] We're going to have dessert for every meal.

[27:04] Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a week.

[27:06] And then she starts smoking, which I don't think we've seen her do the entire movie.

Dan McCoy

[27:10] Yeah, she's having a real manic episode all of a sudden.

Elliott Kalan

[27:12] And she says, we've got to figure out what Henry would do in this situation.

[27:15] And Peter says, no.

[27:16] We need to know what you would do, mom.

[27:19] Lee Pace checks in on them.

[27:20] Peter says, his head hurts.

[27:21] Lee Pace says, no, I think your heart hurts.

[27:23] And it's like, who's supposed to be the voice of wisdom in the movie?

[27:27] It's like a chain of dumb wisdom where it's like, Peter says the thing to the mom.

[27:31] Lee Pace says the thing to Peter.

[27:32] Lee Pace probably goes home to his mother who says something to him.

[27:36] His mother goes to the newsstand and the old wise newsman tells her something.

[27:40] The newsman goes to visit his dead wife in the cemetery and the groundskeeper gives him a piece of wisdom.

[27:46] The groundskeeper goes back to his weird shack and the person he's kidnapped gives him a piece of wisdom.

[27:51] The kidnapped victim hallucinates a kind of like imaginary friend that gives them some wisdom.

[27:57] Like, where does it end, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[27:59] I mean, probably the imaginary friend.

[28:02] I can't really picture.

[28:03] Like, does the imaginary friend go back to like a not me style house and it's filled with imaginary people?

[28:08] Yeah.

[28:09] And they can't really manipulate objects that well, so they just kind of push together a couple of cutout letters from a magazine that explain a piece of wisdom.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] Yeah.

[28:18] I think that's how it works.

[28:19] Okay, cool.

[28:20] Bobby Moynihan tells Naomi Watts was not doing a very good job at her waitress job.

[28:25] Someone asked her.

Stuart Wellington

[28:26] I mean, or a very good job portraying a mom in a movie.

[28:33] Like, no offense.

[28:35] Like, Naomi Watts, she's great, but like.

[28:37] She's wonderful in a lot of things.

[28:38] She's a little too weird in this one.

[28:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:41] She's kind of, I mean, everyone in the movie is kind of weird from the get-go.

Stuart Wellington

[28:45] It's a very theatrical performance.

Elliott Kalan

[28:47] Yes, everything's very performative.

[28:49] There's not a lot of naturality in this movie, which again, for a child genius movie, that eventually turns into a weird revenge justice movie.

Stuart Wellington

[28:57] Oh, yeah, that's what we're getting to.

[28:58] It's like, whatever, but we're going to get to that.

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] Anyway, Moynihan tells her, your son in the hospital, before he died, sent me a letter saying you have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank.

Dan McCoy

[29:06] She's got like 600K in the bank from his stock things, and she works as a waitress every day.

Elliott Kalan

[29:11] It's called earning your living, Dan.

[29:14] Yeah.

[29:14] She wants a hand up, not a handout.

[29:16] And I, for one, applaud her with my hands, which are out wanting money.

[29:23] She's stronger than I am, Dan.

[29:24] I'll just take it.

[29:25] Hand me the 600K that that kid made for me.

[29:30] Anyway, finally, she gets home, and Peter says, hey, how do we just read this book of books?

Dan McCoy

[29:41] Peter, and he looks at the camera and winks.

[29:43] Yeah.

[29:45] Peter has done one of those things where he just sort of like flips through the book once and knows exactly what it's about, because he runs out and he's like, I think Henry wanted us to kill Glenn.

[29:54] Yeah.

[29:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:55] Yeah.

[29:55] He really, he Johnny-fives that book.

[29:57] Yeah.

[29:58] And the way, when he is handling it, you think when he opens it, light is going to pour forth.

[30:03] Yeah.

[30:04] And the souls of the damned are going to scream for escape.

[30:08] He says, yeah, Mom, I think Henry wants us to kill Glenn.

[30:10] And the book is written, and the accompanying audio tape he has left for his mother is also recorded.

[30:15] Yeah, he recorded a podcast.

[30:16] Yeah, you can get it through Audible.

[30:19] Is recorded to counter everything she says, and this happens a lot.

[30:23] So she's like, well, why don't we call the police?

[30:25] And then she turns the page and says, why you can't call the police?

[30:28] Yeah.

[30:28] And it's like, it's the, anyway, she finds out that Glenn is friendly with policemen.

[30:33] Strange enough, considering he's the police commissioner, but it horrifies her.

[30:37] And she's like, I'm going to take care of this.

[30:40] But the book is written like a series of memento tattoos in book form.

[30:43] So like, she turns a page and a big letter just says, check the safe.

[30:46] In the safe, she finds the tape recorder that Henry snuck out in the middle of the night

[30:50] to record.

[30:50] And he's like, it's super contrived.

[30:53] He's like, okay, go to this bank.

[30:56] This will be where you get the money.

[30:57] Take out $500.

[30:58] And she's like, why just $500?

[31:00] That's all they'll let you take out, mom.

[31:02] That's the daily limit per machine.

[31:03] And there's literally.

[31:04] Turn to the right.

[31:06] Know your other right, mom.

[31:07] And she turns the other direction.

[31:08] It's like, hold on a moment.

Dan McCoy

[31:11] Henry has literally like taped pauses in his instructions to her to allow her to talk to

[31:18] the tape.

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] And how long is this tape?

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] It's like a 40 hour tape.

[31:24] She's listening to it for days.

[31:26] Unless it's like there's a box of tapes.

[31:28] And she's like struggling to figure out the order.

[31:30] And she starts listening to him out of order.

[31:32] And then she's like, I'll just put him on my iPad.

[31:34] In her, in her iPod.

[31:35] And her iPod's on shuffle.

[31:36] So it's like Madonna.

[31:38] And then like a, I guess like a Shania Twain song.

[31:41] And then her, and then her son telling her how to buy a gun.

[31:43] And then like when you get, if you want to learn a language and you get a language learning

[31:47] CD and put on your iPod and put on your iPod and then for years afterwards, you finish a song

[31:51] and then it's like, yes.

[31:53] See.

Dan McCoy

[31:56] I want to, I do want to take a moment here and pause.

[32:00] Take it.

Elliott Kalan

[32:00] Take it.

[32:01] You earned it.

Dan McCoy

[32:02] All right.

[32:02] Elliot's now fondling my shoulder.

Elliott Kalan

[32:04] I'll give you a nice backstroke.

[32:07] All right.

Dan McCoy

[32:08] Like the swimming thing?

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] I'm swimming through your blood.

Dan McCoy

[32:12] All right.

[32:13] So I want to take a moment here and appreciate the fact that this movie started as like a

[32:20] quirky dramedy about a really smart kid.

[32:24] And then in the middle of it, the kid died and started instructing his mom to shoot someone.

[32:32] I just think we need to appreciate that fact that this movie has taken a turn for the crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[32:38] That's the one thing I like about the movie.

[32:41] Spoiler alert.

[32:41] What is that?

[32:42] We haven't finished the thought, but it feels like the movie is written through a game of

[32:46] like exquisite corpse.

[32:47] Whereas like somebody wrote the first 30 pages of a screenplay, handed it to somebody and says,

[32:53] you can read the last two lines of this script.

[32:56] Figure out where the rest of it goes.

[32:58] And then one person went in and just kind of like smoothed it out.

[33:01] And you were like, they had, and they had just, you know, Wes Anderson wrote the first

[33:04] third.

[33:05] And then James L. Brooks wrote the second third.

[33:08] And then like Luke Besson wrote the last third.

[33:11] Which now that I think about it would be a fantastic movie.

[33:16] I want to see that movie, Dan.

[33:18] Let's make it.

[33:19] Yeah, let's make it.

[33:20] Why don't I call up my friends Luke, James, and Wes and ask them to do it for how much

[33:25] pay, Dan?

[33:26] How much are we putting up for this movie?

[33:28] You moved to Hollywood.

[33:29] I assume you have all of their numbers.

[33:31] Good point.

[33:31] Yeah.

[33:32] In the Hollywood phone book they give you when you move in.

[33:35] It says secret Hollywood phone book for residents only.

[33:39] Technically, I did not move to Hollywood.

[33:40] I moved to Silver Lake.

[33:41] Different neighborhood within Los Angeles.

[33:44] Don't stalk me, please.

[33:46] Anyway, she buys a gun because he gives her the super duper code word that you get to buy

[33:52] legal guns, which he luckily overheard when he snuck into the gun shop earlier when he

[33:56] was alive.

[33:57] It's the name of a local crime boss.

[33:59] Yeah.

[33:59] And she's practicing shooting in the woods and on the tape it's like, good shot, mom.

[34:05] And she gets Glenn to sign a permission form for the school talent night.

[34:09] And I'll give the movie this.

[34:10] The school talent show, excellently foreshadowed.

[34:14] They planted references to this upcoming talent show throughout the film.

Stuart Wellington

[34:19] And then they paid it off for the talent show.

[34:21] I guess that's one point for the movie then.

[34:23] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[34:24] It's not like William Goldman, the screenwriters complained about Big Lebowski, but they kept

[34:28] talking about the bowling tournament.

[34:30] And he was like, I cannot wait to see this bowling tournament.

[34:32] Not realizing you're not supposed to give that much of a shit about the bowling tournament

[34:36] and the Big Lebowski.

[34:37] Like, it's not really about whether they're going to win the bowling tournament.

[34:40] Not since the cutting edge has it mattered so little whether the heroes win a sporting

[34:45] event.

Dan McCoy

[34:46] Yeah.

[34:46] It's the emotional journey that's important.

[34:49] Exactly.

[34:51] Moira Kelly.

[34:53] I'm just saying a word.

[34:54] I'm just saying the name of someone who was in the cutting edge now.

[34:57] Anyone?

[34:58] Anyway.

[35:00] Moira Kelly.

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] She steals Glenn's signature and puts on a form to make her, Christina, the neighbor

[35:05] girl's guardian.

Stuart Wellington

[35:06] Does she just tape it on top of the other form?

[35:08] Or?

Elliott Kalan

[35:09] I think, no, she traces over it.

[35:10] Oh, she light boxes it?

[35:11] On her light box.

Stuart Wellington

[35:12] And then her other son shows up and he's like, what are you doing, mom?

[35:15] And she's just like, work stuff.

[35:17] And he's not like, you're a waitress.

[35:21] Like, did you bring home dishes to serve?

[35:24] Are you copying the transparencies from your receipts or something?

[35:29] And also, he's the one who's...

[35:30] Are you skimming off the top at the diner?

Elliott Kalan

[35:32] And he's the one who said, Henry wants us to kill Glenn.

[35:36] He's in on the crime.

[35:38] Yeah.

[35:39] I guess she just doesn't want him to go into it.

[35:41] Talent show night.

[35:42] Uh-oh.

[35:43] They show up.

[35:44] Lee Pace is there.

[35:45] Turns out Peter invited him.

[35:46] They exchanged contact info earlier in the film.

[35:48] Peter's the kid.

[35:49] Peter draws a mustache on a kid's drawing that's hung up on the wall.

[35:52] And he defends that by saying, Henry would have found it funny.

[35:55] And then that moment where I was like, this would have been the better movie.

[35:58] If Peter then becomes just a total asshole and nobody could stop him because he's like,

[36:03] Henry would have wanted it.

[36:05] And they'd all be like, oh, you're so right.

[36:08] He was an angel sent from heaven and then returned to heaven.

[36:11] We just only got him for a little bit.

[36:13] So yes, you can steal that candy bar.

[36:17] Or he's like, I don't want to go to school ever.

[36:21] Well, it doesn't square with my memory of Henry, but you knew him best.

[36:24] So I guess so.

[36:26] You're just a man of leisure at this point.

[36:29] Just starts sitting around a park in a bathrobe.

[36:32] Just yelling insults at people.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] So this follows him until he's much, much older.

[36:37] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:38] After everyone's long forgotten about Henry.

[36:42] I don't know who that is or why.

Elliott Kalan

[36:44] By that point, the legend of Henry has become so garbled that he's some sort of a god that

[36:47] they worship.

Dan McCoy

[36:50] All right.

[36:50] It's like a cataclyle for Leibovitz at that point.

[36:52] Very much so.

[36:53] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[36:53] And Henry, they credit him with creating the town and the universe it exists in because

[36:58] of his brain power.

[36:59] And of course, Peter by this point is like 105 years old.

[37:04] And he's lived this old age because he's never had to lift a finger.

[37:06] Because as Henry's brother, everyone did everything for him.

[37:08] And he's the only source of, he's the only one who knew Henry personally.

[37:12] They just believe everything he says.

[37:13] Yeah, he's the font of knowledge.

[37:14] When I was born, Henry told me I was even smarter than him and that kind of stuff.

[37:19] Oh, Henry saith thus?

Dan McCoy

[37:21] Oh, well.

[37:22] Yeah.

[37:23] And he's like, the Oh, Henry bar was named after my brother Henry.

Elliott Kalan

[37:27] And they're like, it's amazing that that's still in production.

[37:29] And yet Twix, a much better bar, has fallen out of production.

[37:34] Wow.

[37:34] Sounds like some unbelievers right there.

[37:36] It is known only through myths and legends as the candy bar that traveled Twix heaven and hell.

[37:45] That is why there were two Twix bars to represent the duality of the cosmos.

[37:52] And the caramel, I guess, was for sweetness.

[37:55] Yeah.

[37:57] The metaphor gets kind of lazy at that point.

[37:59] Yeah, it's only so far you can stretch that.

[38:02] Okay, okay, this talent show, again, I'm going to give the movie some props on this one.

[38:08] It is a great talent show.

[38:09] It's amazing.

[38:10] These kids are so talented, which should not surprise me because they're all professional actors who are in a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[38:15] It's also great because it appears that the principal is the one who signed off on this thing.

[38:19] But every time, she's surprised when somebody performs.

[38:22] She's like, wait, this kid's going to just go up and burp the alphabet?

Elliott Kalan

[38:28] She's like, ah, I guess I'll allow it.

[38:30] It's, yeah, it becomes this, it's, I don't know.

[38:32] It's just, it made me wonder if this is, if the book of Henry takes place in some kind of Wald Newton type universe.

[38:38] For anyone familiar with that?

[38:38] Where a meteorite landed on Earth and suddenly a generation of incredibly talented kids were born.

[38:43] Like a midnight's children type thing.

[38:45] Henry was the smart one.

[38:47] That kid's great at burping.

[38:48] There's a couple of amazing dancers.

Stuart Wellington

[38:49] There's that little guy who's good at rapping who also likes dodgeball.

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] Yeah, that's like, he's got two powers?

[38:54] That's not fair.

[38:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:55] Rapping in dodgeball?

Stuart Wellington

[38:57] Liking dodgeball.

[38:59] It's a power.

Dan McCoy

[39:00] Rapping in dodgeball?

[39:01] He can rule the world.

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] I like that.

[39:05] There's a book of Henry role-playing game.

[39:06] They're like, we don't want to do this.

[39:07] Kid, this character is too powerful.

[39:09] He can rap and play dodgeball.

[39:10] Yeah, that's too many points.

[39:11] We ought to depower him a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[39:13] Gotta add some flaws.

Elliott Kalan

[39:15] I guess he has low endurance.

[39:16] He can't have low endurance.

[39:17] He's great at dodgeball.

[39:20] Anyway, Naomi Watts takes this time.

[39:22] She sneaks out, knowing that Peter has a magic act, which is, I guess, the headliner of the show.

[39:26] It's the last one.

[39:27] Because, again, as a relative of Henry, he gets the best spot.

[39:31] She runs out.

[39:32] It's time for her to pull off this mission.

[39:35] It's time for some black ops wet works.

[39:37] It's time for Glenn, what was his name?

[39:40] Glenn Sickleman?

[39:41] Yeah, Glenn Danzig.

[39:44] I mean, then mother, tell your children not to walk my way.

[39:47] Makes a lot more sense.

[39:50] Anyway, I'm just connecting dots here.

[39:53] This is grill Marcus lipstick trace.

[39:55] You might not like what he's saying.

[39:57] Okay, yeah.

[39:58] You may not like what I'm saying, but fair point.

[40:01] Anyway, what I was saying was not very good.

[40:05] It's time for her to do the crime.

[40:06] She is going to kill Glenn.

[40:09] And at this point, she goes, she suits up to the accompaniment of a tap dance routine,

[40:14] triple tap dance routine, that the soundtrack is over her getting set up,

[40:17] much like the movie Sto Olin with Nicholas Cage,

[40:20] in which there is a chase scene set to tap dance music.

[40:23] And by tap dance music, I don't mean actually music.

[40:24] I mean just the sounds of the taps.

[40:26] And it was at this point that I was like, I'm way more invested in a talent show.

[40:31] I kind of don't care if she kills Glenn, but is there a prize at the end of the show?

[40:34] Is it a competition?

[40:37] Anyway, she manages to get Glenn out into the open to a place where she's supposed to shoot him

[40:42] so that he'll fall into a stream which will carry him over a waterfall,

[40:46] with body to be washed, I assume, off the edge of the earth.

[40:50] Disc world style.

[40:52] And she does this by whistling through a walkie-talkie.

[40:56] Now let's put you in Glenn's situation.

[40:58] Not the bad part.

[40:59] You are not a criminal and you would never do that to a child.

[41:02] But let's put you in Glenn's situation.

[41:03] You're sitting at home.

[41:04] It's late.

[41:05] You should be at your kid's talent show.

[41:06] She's dancing in the ballet.

[41:07] But you know what?

[41:08] You've got to go over some papers, it appears.

[41:10] You're a police commissioner.

[41:11] You're busy.

[41:11] You don't have time to do that stuff.

[41:12] You don't even know that your brother-in-law is the biggest meth dealer in Albuquerque.

[41:16] But you've got to figure it out.

[41:18] You're just busy at home with your rock-tumbling equipment.

[41:21] Anyway, he hears a whistle outside.

[41:26] How would you react to this whistle?

[41:27] Would you, A, just keep sitting there and not care that...

Dan McCoy

[41:32] Think, oh, a whistle, that's weird.

Elliott Kalan

[41:34] Because my reaction would be, someone must be calling their dog that they're walking.

[41:38] Or would you, B, look suspicious, take a gun out of your desk and go outside to see where

[41:45] this fucking whistle is coming from?

Dan McCoy

[41:49] I mean, granted, there have been people who walk around whistling, but I wish I could shoot.

Elliott Kalan

[41:54] Maybe, okay, and maybe...

[41:55] Well, you were looking at me a lot during that.

[41:58] Maybe he thought, this must be Peter Lorre's character from M, who would always whistle before

[42:04] murdering a child.

[42:05] And that's my thing.

[42:06] Yeah.

[42:07] This is my turf.

[42:08] Was his name Hans Beckman in that movie?

Dan McCoy

[42:11] I don't remember M that much.

[42:13] It's a great movie.

[42:14] I love M.

[42:15] Everyone, M?

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] Fritz Lang's M?

[42:18] Anyway.

[42:20] Seems like you're pretty on both sides of the fence about M.

[42:22] You're a flip-flopper.

[42:23] I don't know M that much, but I love it.

[42:26] We don't know the things we love, Dan.

[42:28] Now you're an M-truther.

[42:31] Whereas the thing you love about it, you don't always know everything about it.

[42:34] It surprises you.

[42:35] But that's the secret of a good relationship.

Dan McCoy

[42:37] Yeah, it's true.

[42:38] I have a relationship with the movie M.

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:41] Anyway.

[42:41] We're deep in love.

[42:45] I mean, some people think that some people try and keep us apart.

[42:49] Okay.

[42:50] Video store clerks mainly.

[42:51] Exactly.

[42:52] They're like, bring back my copy of M.

[42:56] Rewound, please.

[42:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:57] There's a Suncoast video down the street.

[42:59] You can easily just buy it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] Just buy a copy.

[43:01] That's where I bought my copy of M years ago.

[43:03] At Suncoast?

[43:04] I worked at.

Stuart Wellington

[43:05] Did you get an employee discount?

[43:06] I did.

Elliott Kalan

[43:07] Not an employee discount off the list price.

[43:10] Not the retail price.

Stuart Wellington

[43:11] Double discount, everybody.

[43:13] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[43:15] Because if you don't think Suncoast marks that shit up, they totally do.

[43:20] And I could swear around holiday time, they raised the prices on a lot of the tapes.

[43:23] Anyway, I don't even know if that company is still in business anymore.

[43:26] You don't want to blow the lid off of the Suncoast conspiracy?

[43:29] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[43:29] Let's dig down it deep into your gripes of the Suncoast.

Stuart Wellington

[43:33] This is the time.

[43:34] No, their anime section was super disorganized.

[43:37] Beepop.

[43:37] I'm an ultimate otaku.

Elliott Kalan

[43:39] It was very organized because I was the one organizing it.

[43:42] We had a wall of anime because that was around the time when every kid was buying Dragon Ball tapes.

[43:48] Our anime section was almost entirely Dragon Ball.

[43:51] A little bit of Macross and Neon Genesis.

[43:53] One Akira tape.

[43:55] Otherwise, all Dragon Ball.

[43:56] But this was during the time.

[43:57] Actually, I would love to do a podcast about my time wearing Suncoast.

[43:59] Because it was when VHS tapes were changing over to DVDs.

[44:03] And DVDs were still like a novelty.

[44:05] And they cost $30 to $40 each.

[44:07] And people would walk in and buy movies they had never seen for $40.

[44:11] They'd be like, hmm, Eye of the Beholder with Naomi Judd?

[44:14] Yeah, sure.

[44:15] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[44:16] I never saw it.

[44:17] Maybe this is good.

[44:18] $40, please.

[44:18] Here you go.

[44:19] And you're paying $30 or $40 for a weird cardboard sleeve with like a plastic thing?

[44:27] That was fucking crazy.

[44:29] Yeah.

[44:30] There's a lot of wasteful packaging.

[44:30] Who approved that fucking packaging?

Elliott Kalan

[44:33] It was packaging made to fit shelf space that already existed.

Stuart Wellington

[44:35] But it was so bad.

[44:37] Like, I don't want to display this in my home.

Elliott Kalan

[44:42] The other thing...

[44:43] Think about me!

[44:44] The other thing I learned was there's a very specific selection of movies that people want on DVD when they are not available on DVD.

[44:51] And they are Star Wars, Jaws, Braveheart, Back to the Future.

[44:56] And none of those movies were available.

[44:59] And then suddenly Braveheart became available.

[45:00] And it was like Christmas and Thanksgiving and the 4th of July and whatever the equivalents of those are in Canada.

[45:06] All wrapped up.

[45:08] Whatever Canadian Christmas is.

[45:10] And it was like...

[45:12] I think it's called Boxing Day.

[45:13] I'm not sure.

[45:14] And like, Jaws came out and people were flipping their shit that Jaws was available now on DVD.

[45:19] And people would come in every day.

[45:21] Multiple people.

[45:22] Back to the Future available on DVD?

[45:24] No, it's not.

[45:25] Okay.

[45:25] I'll be back next week.

[45:26] Crazy.

[45:29] Anyway, back to the movie.

[45:30] So, Christina, the neighbor girl, she does a tearful ballet dance.

[45:35] And it's now, when the principal sees the tears in her eyes as she dances, that the principal is like,

[45:40] Oh, maybe there was something to all of Henry's crazy blabbering about Christina not being treated well at home.

Stuart Wellington

[45:46] So she, like, nods her head and wanders off stage very noticeably.

Elliott Kalan

[45:50] Yeah, and it's one of those things where it's like, I'm glad she's finally believing somebody about this.

[45:54] But on the other hand, she could have been crying because she was turning into a black swan.

[45:57] We don't know.

[45:58] Yeah.

[45:59] Like, that's the thing that happens to ballet dancers.

[46:01] Yeah.

[46:01] She could just be nervous when she's on stage.

[46:03] Who knows?

[46:04] And it really hurts your toes to dance ballet.

[46:07] That could be it, too.

[46:08] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[46:09] I'm imagining a backstory where you've taken years of ballet.

Elliott Kalan

[46:13] I wish, Dan.

[46:14] Here's another peek into Elliot's past.

[46:16] Oh, God.

[46:17] When I was a kid, I really wanted to take dance lessons.

[46:20] My mom went to the only dance studio in town.

[46:21] They said, we don't take boys.

[46:23] And that was the end of that.

[46:25] So thanks, Dan, for bringing up those memories.

[46:27] When the gender binary that otherwise has only helped me throughout my life for one brief moment was a negative.

Stuart Wellington

[46:38] It finally affected you.

Elliott Kalan

[46:39] Yeah, finally.

[46:40] Otherwise, it's just kind of been a privileged surfing all the way.

[46:43] Yeah.

[46:44] And a sweet deal it's been.

[46:46] Naomi Watts is about to shoot Glenn.

[46:49] When she accidentally triggers Henry's Rube Goldberg machine inside of his forest fort that she's been inside.

Stuart Wellington

[46:54] Does she reach over and just stop the ball from rolling down the series of ramps?

Elliott Kalan

[46:58] No, she lets it happen while watching through the scope.

Stuart Wellington

[47:00] Does she quiet the chicken before it lays an egg?

[47:03] No.

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] Onto the scale that wakes up the sleeping mouse that then runs over to the match, lights the match, and lights a candle.

[47:10] The candle burns through a string that opens up a cocoon to let a butterfly out.

[47:14] The butterfly flaps its wings.

[47:16] There's a hurricane in Peru.

[47:18] The hurricane knocks a telephone off the hook.

[47:21] The telephone knocks off the hook onto a scale, which then tips over to a pointed finger,

[47:26] which just through gravity and balance calls the number on Glenn's cell phone to get him to stop just long enough to get her to shoot him.

[47:34] That's not what happens.

[47:35] No.

[47:36] Instead, she lets it go through, and when it ends, it just reveals a chain of photographs of her and her kids.

Dan McCoy

[47:43] Yeah.

[47:43] And I have to wonder, why did Henry set up a Rube Goldberg machine where the ultimate thing was it unfurls a bunch of photographs of him growing up?

Stuart Wellington

[47:53] Well, when I first saw it, I thought it was, he was like, oh, wait, I want to make her think about the consequences of her actions by seeing this.

[47:59] But on the tape, on the podcast she's listening to, he keeps shouting, shoot him, mom, kill him.

[48:05] Take the shot.

[48:06] Blow his face off.

[48:07] Take the shot.

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] She's rethinking it.

[48:09] He's like, go, mom.

[48:10] Do it.

[48:10] Make sure he's in your sights.

[48:11] You're making bleed.

[48:13] I really wanted, I wanted her to fast forward a little bit on the tape, like, and it's like, fuck, mom, you fucked up.

[48:18] Get to the safe house.

Dan McCoy

[48:19] You're in a lot of trouble, mom.

[48:21] You got to get out of there.

Elliott Kalan

[48:24] Or he recorded two different tapes and it's like, tape one is done.

[48:29] If you successfully shot Glenn, turn to tape two.

[48:32] If you missed, insert tape three now.

[48:34] Yeah.

[48:35] Turn to page 41 if you enter the minotaur's lair, mom.

[48:41] So she decides, no, I'm not going to do it.

[48:43] This is the wrong thing.

[48:45] She goes outside and confronts Glenn, puts her gun down, which is like the dumbest thing you can do.

[48:49] And she says, I know what you've done.

[48:50] And says, who do you think they're going to believe?

[48:52] And she says, well, I'm dedicated to getting the truth out.

[48:54] I can afford to take this forever.

[48:55] I don't know if you can.

[48:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:57] I just got one kid left and he's not that good.

Elliott Kalan

[49:01] They actually, there was a scene in the movie after Henry dies where she has to tell Peter, no, you are as important to me as Henry.

[49:08] And that was the one scene in the movie where I was like, this scene is really affecting me.

[49:12] That it's like the idea that this younger son is noticeably seeing how shaken his mother is by her death.

[49:18] And taking from that, she, I'm not as valued as Henry.

[49:22] And Henry was the thing holding his family together.

[49:23] And she has to say to him, no, I do love you as much as Henry and you're just as special as he is.

[49:28] I was like, oh, that's it.

[49:29] Like that, frankly, should have been the climax of the movie.

[49:32] Like a movie about a gifted kid dying and his younger brother who does not have those gifts kind of struggling with living in that shadow.

[49:40] That could be a good movie.

[49:42] But instead, Luke Besson had to come in and screw it up.

Stuart Wellington

[49:46] And she's explaining this to her son Peter the whole time in her head.

[49:49] You know, she's got that like Drake head shake meme going on where she's like, nah.

Dan McCoy

[49:56] Sunglasses animate down.

[49:57] To your point, Elliot, like I feel like the moment that the screenwriter types and then Natalie Watts, Naomi Watts, Natalie Watts.

[50:04] I don't know who that is.

[50:05] I don't know what the screenwriter is saying and then Naomi Watts.

[50:08] Or Natalie Watts.

[50:09] But as soon as he's typing the words like she picks up a high powered rifle with a silencer on it, he might be like, take a moment and be like, this script has gone off the rails.

Elliott Kalan

[50:22] And I'll tell you why.

[50:22] Because Dan, I've talked to people about this before.

[50:25] I don't remember if I ever said it on the podcast.

[50:26] I must have.

[50:27] I had an epiphany when I watched Kong Skull Island where I was like, I really want to write something where a gorilla is throwing a bunch of helicopters around.

[50:33] And if I ever get to sit down and write Kong grabs a helicopter and hurls it into space, I'll like, then I'll just, I guess, take a cyanide pill because I've done it.

[50:43] Like, there was a moment where I was writing a Spider-Man Deadpool issue that came out this year and I got to write the lines.

[50:49] Deadpool is jumping out of a plane as it slams into a robot Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[50:53] And I was like, yeah, this is the best of all possible worlds.

[50:56] Like, I'm sorry, everybody else who's suffering right now.

[51:00] But I'm just kidding.

[51:02] This is the mid-list of all possible worlds.

[51:05] Glenn calls his brother, the head of Child Protection Services, as Naomi Watts runs off to the talent show because the timer she set for when her son's magic act is on.

[51:13] Because she is showing a lot of faith in the fact that a child's television, a child's talent show is going to stick to a strict schedule.

[51:20] Seems very unlikely.

[51:23] He calls his brother and the brother's like, we got a tip from the principal.

[51:27] It's too wide open.

[51:28] We got to investigate.

[51:29] And the police show up at Glenn's house.

[51:32] Camera pulls back.

[51:33] We hear a gunshot.

Stuart Wellington

[51:34] So wait a minute.

[51:36] She, in the middle of the talent show, went to use the phone.

[51:40] And that hotline's a 24-7 thing, I guess?

Elliott Kalan

[51:43] I mean, maybe she called the police.

[51:45] Oh, okay.

[51:45] Which I hope was a 24-7 thing.

[51:47] I mean, it's not like they're like, oh, it's 7.30.

[51:50] Sun's going down.

[51:51] Crime's going to sleep.

[51:53] I'll be back at 6.30 tomorrow morning when crime gets up.

[51:56] Yeah.

[51:57] Got to wake up pretty early to stop all the crime in the morning.

Dan McCoy

[52:00] It's like those old Warner Brothers cartoons where the sheepdog and the wolf punch out.

Elliott Kalan

[52:04] There's a bank robber and a police chief just punching in.

[52:06] Hiya, Fred.

[52:07] Hiya, Sam.

[52:07] Yeah.

[52:10] We have to assume that Glenn has killed himself.

[52:12] Although, Stuart, you raised the question that maybe he's firing at the police.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] You're never going to take me.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] Now, Peter says, he shows up as a, they say, they announce it.

[52:22] Now, Peter the Great, and I got excited.

[52:25] My favorite Russian czar is going to be in this movie.

[52:28] The man who created the Russian Navy.

[52:31] The man who dragged a backward superstitious nation into the 18th century.

[52:37] I mean, sure, he killed a lot of people to do it.

[52:40] But St. Petersburg is still a work of art.

[52:42] Built, yes, on the body of thousands of serfs who died in the construction.

[52:46] But you got to hand it to them.

[52:48] Of all the czars.

[52:49] Oh, okay.

[52:51] He was the greatest.

[52:52] But no, alas, alack.

[52:54] No, it's just Peter, the regular character.

[52:57] I guess testing out the title he hopes to be called by in the future generations that will

[53:00] worship Henry.

[53:01] And he says his magic trick, as he pulls his magic trunk out, is to bring his brother back.

[53:06] Audience, they're like, ugh.

Dan McCoy

[53:08] And Lee Pace at this moment, Lee Pace is like turning around in his chair being like,

[53:14] you seen this?

[53:15] You seen this?

[53:16] Anyone going to stop this?

Elliott Kalan

[53:17] Oh, you think he thought Henry was going to show up prestige style from the balcony?

Dan McCoy

[53:20] Yeah.

[53:21] He's like, wait a minute.

[53:23] I saw that kid die.

[53:24] Wait, hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[53:26] Lee Pace.

[53:26] What if it was such a different movie?

[53:28] Lee Pace stood up and goes, that's not true.

[53:29] I killed him.

[53:31] And Peter strokes his fake mustache and is like, well, well, officers, take him away.

[53:36] Officers?

[53:37] And Miami Watch runs in and is like, I'm sorry, they're all at Glenn's house.

[53:41] There's no police officers to catch Lee Pace.

[53:44] Yeah.

[53:44] And Lee Pace gets into his Ronan, the accuser's spaceship, and flies off.

Dan McCoy

[53:48] He's like, halt and catch fire.

[53:49] Gunfire, that is.

[53:51] Shoot him, boys.

Elliott Kalan

[53:53] What if Peter then pulled out his brother's dead body and was like, live, live.

[53:59] And Lee Pace goes, wait a minute.

[54:00] I can raise the dead.

[54:01] Let's push some daisies, huh?

S8

[54:02] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] Lee Pace.

[54:05] I mean, he's still young.

[54:06] He's had an amazing career.

[54:07] Yeah.

[54:08] Well, give it up for Lee Pace, everybody.

[54:09] Come on.

[54:10] And now, wouldn't it be amazing if Lee Pace walked out that door right now?

[54:17] Alas, don't know it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:17] Lee Pace, his star is never going to The Fall.

[54:22] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[54:23] I mean, I appreciate the reference.

[54:26] Again, one of my favorites.

[54:27] But, okay.

[54:29] But Peter said, everyone's kind of like, what's this all about?

[54:32] Did he dig up his brother?

[54:33] Peter, oh, he goes, I hope this works.

[54:36] And he opens up the trunk and confetti flies out.

[54:39] And it's like an unending fountain of confetti up into the air that flies over the audience.

[54:45] The audience loves it.

[54:46] They love it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:47] They immediately, I'm guessing, they assume it's the ashes of his brother.

Elliott Kalan

[54:53] They're like, maybe some of Henry will enter my body.

[54:56] Yeah.

[54:57] They're trying to catch his ashes on their tongues to let a little bit of his genius into

[55:01] their own self.

[55:04] Anyway, and mom showed up on time.

[55:06] She's there and she hugs her son.

[55:08] Well, when they go outside, the police have arrived to tell Christina that Glenn is dead.

[55:12] She runs into Naomi Watts' arms.

[55:14] Cut to the court.

[55:16] Naomi has been awarded custody of Christina thanks to the forged documents that she submitted.

[55:21] And there's some voiceover which comes from Henry's tape.

[55:24] Sometimes a good story reminds you of what makes us human, blah, blah, blah.

[55:27] And you're like, don't tell us about good stories right now.

[55:31] Come on.

[55:32] And as Naomi wants to erase the evidence, and I assume to free herself from Henry's spirit,

[55:37] which has dogged her up to this point.

[55:39] I'm my own woman now, Henry.

[55:40] Leave me alone.

[55:41] Throws the book and the tape into the fire.

[55:44] Yeah.

[55:44] We were worried she was going to throw Peter into the fire and erase all the evidence.

Dan McCoy

[55:47] He's like, you know this too, little kid.

[55:50] You ran on this thing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] Henry once told me that Benjamin Franklin said, three can keep a secret if two are dead.

[55:56] Well, Henry's dead and it's your turn now, Peter.

[56:00] And she reads a bedtime story to Christina and Peter who now share a room just like Peter and Henry did.

[56:05] Raises a weird question that this adolescent girl is sharing a room with like a nine-year-old boy.

[56:10] I don't even want to get into it.

[56:11] It's almost as weird as Sarah Silverman's bizarre kiss.

[56:14] And she reads a bedtime story about a dying flower which enriches the soil with its death.

[56:20] And it's like...

Stuart Wellington

[56:21] And she looks at him and she's like, that's kind of like Henry, right?

[56:26] Get it?

[56:27] And they're like, no fucking fake, dude.

[56:29] He closed the book and just said, get it?

Elliott Kalan

[56:32] That's like your brother.

[56:35] Who's dead.

[56:38] He's never coming back.

[56:39] There's no magic that'll ever bring him back, Peter.

[56:41] You're a bad magician.

[56:42] Yeah.

[56:44] Sleep tight.

[56:46] Sleep with one eyes open.

[56:47] One eyes open.

[56:48] Gripping your pillow tight, Peter.

[56:51] Enter night, exit light.

[56:55] Take my hand, Peter.

[56:56] We're off to Never Neverland.

[56:58] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[56:59] And that's the movie Finding Neverland.

Elliott Kalan

[57:01] Yeah.

[57:01] Starring Metallica.

[57:03] Yep.

[57:05] So, Stuart, you were going to say something.

Stuart Wellington

[57:07] How do you feel about Christina, the neighbor girl, getting no lines and basically being a football

[57:14] that's thrown around for this movie?

[57:15] Like, she's the MacGuffin, right?

[57:17] That's true.

[57:18] She's what they're all fighting over.

[57:19] But she doesn't get like...

[57:20] I think her one line is, I'm fine.

Elliott Kalan

[57:23] Yeah, she has very little dialogue.

[57:25] She gets very few moments.

[57:27] It's...

[57:27] Yeah, it's...

[57:27] She is more a plot device than a person.

[57:30] Yeah.

[57:30] But then again, so is Henry.

[57:32] Like, Henry's more a collection of being an asshole ticks than anything else.

[57:36] But, Dan, you're looking at a watch looking very concerned.

Dan McCoy

[57:39] No, we've gone very long and we want to go on to answer a few questions from the audience.

[57:44] So, we should probably wrap it up.

Elliott Kalan

[57:46] Is it time for some kind of judgments?

Dan McCoy

[57:49] I believe that it should...

[57:51] The judgment should have some sort of finality.

Elliott Kalan

[57:53] Like a destination, if you will.

[57:55] Or a fantasy seven.

Dan McCoy

[57:57] Yeah.

[57:58] So, maybe it's time...

Elliott Kalan

[57:59] I should have said fantasy the spirits within.

[58:00] I'm sorry.

Dan McCoy

[58:02] Yeah, this...

[58:02] We review movies on this podcast.

[58:04] Yes.

[58:05] Good point.

[58:07] So, it's time for final judgments.

[58:09] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Elliott Kalan

[58:12] Final judgments.

[58:14] Finish it.

Dan McCoy

[58:15] Is this a good bad movie?

[58:16] A bad bad movie?

[58:17] Or a movie you kind of like?

[58:18] Ellie, what do you have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[58:19] I found this to be a bad bad movie.

[58:22] And that's too bad because I wanted it to be a movie I kind of liked.

[58:24] Because I went into it knowing...

[58:26] I know this movie takes some kind of crazy twist because I saw the pictures of Diamond Watch

[58:29] with a sniper rifle.

[58:32] And you know what?

[58:33] You know what?

[58:33] Just because this guy got fired off of Star Wars doesn't mean that I can't...

[58:37] I haven't seen any of his other movies.

[58:38] I never saw J-World or anything.

[58:39] But maybe...

[58:40] You know what?

[58:41] I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

[58:42] And sometimes a movie swings for the fences and fails.

[58:47] And sometimes it hits over those fences and this one fails.

Stuart Wellington

[58:49] You're just aping Henry's monologue from the end of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[58:53] You know, sometimes a movie...

[58:55] Sometimes stories are good stories.

[58:57] I mean, it literally is like, sometimes stories are good stories.

[59:00] And sometimes they're bad stories.

[59:02] Sometimes they tell us about the best of us.

[59:04] Sometimes it's the worst of us.

[59:06] And it's like, Henry, did they not bring you the script pages?

[59:08] And you're like stalling for time until they get them to you.

[59:12] So Dan, what do you think?

[59:13] I say this is a bad, bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[59:14] Yeah, I say this is a bad, bad movie too.

[59:17] The craziness of it makes me want to say that it's a good, bad movie.

[59:21] But it is boring and it's also about child death and child abuse.

[59:27] So I don't recommend that anyone run out and see it for larfs.

[59:32] That's what I have to say about that.

Stuart Wellington

[59:33] Yeah, it's a hard movie to get like a fun hate watch on.

[59:36] It's not very good, obviously.

[59:38] And there's some really dumb stuff in it.

[59:40] But it's a hard movie to take pleasure in it.

[59:42] It's bad.

[59:43] So I'd say bad, bad.

Elliott Kalan

[59:45] Sorry, Book of Henry, but it appears this book is closed.

[59:51] How long did you fucking work on that one?

[59:54] And then, and then, thank you.

[59:58] Slip on my shades.

[59:59] Ow!

[1:00:00] Bump, bump, bump, bump.

[1:00:01] See you, sign Miami.

S6

[1:00:07] Going into a bullseye interview, I know it's somebody who does amazing work.

[1:00:11] But it's an actual conversation.

[1:00:13] I don't know where it's headed.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:16] Absolutely.

[1:00:16] You're absolutely right.

[1:00:18] You said it actually better than I did.

[1:00:19] So I have to think about what that means.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:23] Hey, this is the straight talk that you're going to get on this show.

S6

[1:00:27] Bullseye.

[1:00:28] Creators you know.

[1:00:29] Creators you need to know.

[1:00:30] Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

S4

[1:00:37] Are you sad and confused about world politics?

[1:00:40] Worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war?

[1:00:42] Or maybe a rat is living in your house.

[1:00:44] As a rat living in my house, how do you get rid of a rat from a house?

[1:00:47] Why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional, imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries?

[1:00:51] It works for me.

[1:00:52] The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved,

[1:00:56] or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

[1:01:00] Don't worry, it's funnier than it sounds.

[1:01:02] Find us at BeefAndDairyNetwork.com or MaximumFun.org,

[1:01:05] or wherever you get your podcasts from.

[1:01:07] Oh God, there's the rat.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:09] Oh God.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:11] Hey everyone.

[1:01:14] It's a live show, which means another one of my patented solo ad reads.

[1:01:20] That's right, I patented it.

[1:01:22] The patent office said, no, patent rejected.

[1:01:25] But I broke into their offices and I stuffed my application in the files anyway.

[1:01:31] So suck it, patent office.

[1:01:34] Our first sponsor is Casper, a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line of

[1:01:42] products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:01:47] They offer affordable prices because Casper cuts out the middleman and sells directly to the

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[1:01:53] Now I got one of these Casper mattresses and let me tell you, it sleeps like a dream.

[1:01:58] Sleeps like a dream.

[1:02:00] I don't actually dream that much while I'm sleeping on it because I've got sleep apnea,

[1:02:04] which interrupts my sleep cycle, which makes it hard for me to fall into the cycles that

[1:02:09] create dreams.

[1:02:11] But the mattress is not at fault.

[1:02:13] It's my own stupid physiognomy.

[1:02:16] Anyway, Casper brand mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep

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[1:02:34] Get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash flophouse and using promo code

[1:02:42] flophouse, all one word, at checkout.

[1:02:45] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:02:49] Also, we're hosted today by Bombfell.

[1:02:55] Bombfell is a, what do we call it?

[1:03:00] Let's say it's a shipment that you get on a monthly plan that gives you great clothes that

[1:03:09] you might not otherwise know to buy for yourself.

[1:03:13] Because it works like this.

[1:03:14] It's perfect for guys who hate shopping for clothes but still want to look good.

[1:03:19] And you get those great clothes by completing a simple questionnaire and then getting matched with a personal stylist.

[1:03:26] Your stylist will email you their personalized selections for you.

[1:03:30] Then you'll have 46 hours to make any changes or cancel the shipment altogether.

[1:03:35] And Bombfell's keep more, get more pricing means the more you keep in each shipment, the more you save.

[1:03:41] For instance, if you keep four items, you get 20% off.

[1:03:44] Keep three, 15% off.

[1:03:46] Keep two, 10% off.

[1:03:49] Now listen, Bombfell was nice enough to give us a test of this fine product of theirs.

[1:03:56] And I got a few clothes from Bombfell because of the Flophouse people.

[1:04:02] I am the clothes horse, I would say.

[1:04:06] Although Stuart is the one who always looks good in anything.

[1:04:10] Damn him.

[1:04:11] And I got this great shirt from Bombfell that literally got me three compliments in one day.

[1:04:19] I'm not exaggerating.

[1:04:21] I'm not making it up.

[1:04:22] Three compliments in one day.

[1:04:24] If you want to get three compliments in one day, well, there's a lot of ways of doing that.

[1:04:29] But Bombfell is one of them.

[1:04:31] So listen, Bombfell is offering our listeners $25 off your first purchase.

[1:04:37] When you visit Bombfell, you can't visit any place.

[1:04:41] Guys, there's a lot of misinformation going around about how you can visit a place or bow to a place.

[1:04:51] You can't be at a place.

[1:04:53] That does work.

[1:04:54] But don't get fooled by these newfangled travel agencies that want to book a visiting for you.

[1:05:03] Because that does not work.

[1:05:05] No, you can visit Bombfell.

[1:05:07] That's B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L dot com slash Flophouse.

[1:05:15] Bombfell.

[1:05:16] Open and close.

[1:05:19] Now, we've got a couple of jumbotrons here, too.

[1:05:23] The first is looking for a good movie to balance out the flops?

[1:05:29] Then watch West of Her, an indie romance with a twist of mystery filmed across ten states in iconic locations from the Midwest Plains to the Rocky Mountains,

[1:05:39] Monument Valley to Beale Street in Memphis.

[1:05:40] The first is a movie for anyone who's ever longed for adventure, romance, and a life of meaning.

[1:05:56] Find West of Her on iTunes, Amazon, Vimeo, all of your other favorite streaming services and cable on demand.

[1:06:04] Well, that sounds nice.

[1:06:07] Sounds like a pleasant movie to watch instead of a movie about a guy who kills folks and stuffs them on snowmen.

[1:06:15] Mr. Police, find West of Her.

[1:06:20] You can also listen to PredictoCast, which is a podcast where Josh and Skinner watch the first ten minutes of a movie they know nothing about

[1:06:29] and try and predict what happens next.

[1:06:32] Sometimes they're right, but it's much more fun when they're wrong, like the time they failed to predict that a wolfman would show up in one flick

[1:06:38] or that a bunch of dinosaurs would be thrown off a cliff in another.

[1:06:42] A huge back catalog is waiting for you right now, and a new episode drops every week.

[1:06:47] They predict you're going to love it.

[1:06:50] Find PredictoCast and OppelPieCasts.

[1:06:58] Guys, don't be fooled by all the travel agencies that want you to go to OppelPieCasts.

[1:07:04] There's no OppelPieCasts.

[1:07:06] It's Apple Podcasts, which is where you can find PredictoCast.

[1:07:11] There.

[1:07:12] Find it there.

[1:07:13] Find it at Stitcher, Google Play, wherever you listen to podcasts, or get it at PredictoCast.com.

[1:07:20] And we got some big news.

[1:07:25] There are a few live shows that we're going to be doing coming up in a few different cities.

[1:07:33] On May the 26th, at 6th and I, Historic Synagogue, we will be doing a live show that evening.

[1:07:44] I don't have the time right in front of me, but you can get it by going to FlophousePodcast.com

[1:07:49] and clicking on Events.

[1:07:51] That's D.C., Washington, D.C., our nation's capital, on May the 26th.

[1:07:57] And then, on June the 30th, we will be in Seattle at the Neptune Theater.

[1:08:08] Seattle's Neptune Theater.

[1:08:09] This is our first Pacific Northwest show.

[1:08:13] So, come on out and see us.

[1:08:14] We tried to make Portland work, too.

[1:08:15] We couldn't.

[1:08:17] We hope that we'll do it in the future.

[1:08:20] But for now, you know, I don't know.

[1:08:23] Come on.

[1:08:24] Come make the drive from Portland to Seattle.

[1:08:26] It's not that far.

[1:08:27] Come on, people.

[1:08:29] And in between those two shows, there's a show that's not on sale yet.

[1:08:34] But I just want to let you know so you can mark your calendars.

[1:08:38] Elliot will be back in New York.

[1:08:40] And we'll be back at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[1:08:43] On June 7th at 8.30 p.m.

[1:08:47] So, that's all the news that's fit for your ears right now.

[1:08:54] And we should go back to...

[1:08:56] What's the live show that we're putting out?

[1:08:57] Toronto?

[1:08:58] We should go back to Toronto for more fun.

[1:09:03] Before we move on to the next segment,

[1:09:05] I just want to say that I got a text while we're up on the stage

[1:09:08] from star of the show, Hallie Haglund,

[1:09:11] who...

[1:09:12] Applaud.

[1:09:14] She can't hear you.

[1:09:15] Her text says,

[1:09:16] I am here.

[1:09:17] Pay attention to me.

[1:09:20] So...

[1:09:20] Wow, wow, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:23] Are you sure you didn't just write that?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:25] I told her I'm on the stage in Toronto right now.

[1:09:28] She said, get off and get here.

[1:09:29] She's apparently in Charlene's Bar right now.

[1:09:32] Oh, cool.

[1:09:34] That's a bar in Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:34] When in Brooklyn, visit Hinterland's or Charlene's Bar.

[1:09:37] Yeah.

[1:09:38] With Hallie, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:39] You may see her in the wild.

[1:09:42] Now is the part of the podcast where we're going to talk to the audience.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:45] We're going to stand up, and there's a microphone right over there,

[1:09:47] and I'm pointing to it for the audience at home.

[1:09:50] Audience at home, I'm sorry.

[1:09:51] It's too late.

[1:09:52] Do not run over to the Royal in Toronto and try to get on the microphone,

[1:09:57] because it is...

[1:09:58] By the time this reaches your ears, we'll all be dead.

[1:10:00] But dead tired of doing this show.

[1:10:04] Just this episode.

[1:10:05] Not the whole series.

[1:10:05] Anyway, go to that microphone, and we're going to answer some questions.

[1:10:09] We're going to stand up.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:09] One thing that I've said that's a little mean, and I'll say it again,

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:12] which is we've all been to a lot of these things where someone gets up

[1:10:15] and they tell a long story about their own personal relationship with the Flophouse

[1:10:19] or something or Woody Allen or whoever's talking that day.

[1:10:22] You know what?

[1:10:22] We're just glad you're here.

[1:10:23] We know your fans because you're here, and that means a lot to us.

[1:10:26] So let's keep it to questions and not stories,

[1:10:29] because let's take it for granted that we know every introduction to every question

[1:10:32] is how much you like us because we like you a lot, too.

[1:10:34] We know that you're here because you like us, and it means a lot to us.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:37] So anyway, I'd like to say one other thing, Dan.

[1:10:40] Yeah.

[1:10:41] But why should I say it when I can sing it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:44] Oh, God.

[1:10:50] There's a place I know.

[1:10:53] It's called Toronto.

[1:10:56] It's a city of love, a city of light, a city of oddly spaced buildings.

[1:11:03] Sometimes you'll have a big tower of glass,

[1:11:06] and then right next to it, some kind of little brick thing.

[1:11:11] It's a weird combination of buildings,

[1:11:14] but I love it because what it says to me is that,

[1:11:17] hey, this is a place that I ought to see.

[1:11:19] Toronto.

[1:11:21] City of laughs, city of light, city of other things,

[1:11:24] but I don't know enough about Toronto

[1:11:26] to be much more specific than that.

[1:11:30] I just got in this morning.

[1:11:32] I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon.

[1:11:34] I'm not going to get to sample much of Toronto.

[1:11:39] Might have had a chance when I was a kid,

[1:11:42] when my family took a driving trip of Canada.

[1:11:46] But my dad drove right through the city of Toronto.

[1:11:51] He wasn't interested in stopping in the city of Toronto,

[1:11:56] even though the guidebook said

[1:11:59] it was the home of the world's largest McDonald's.

[1:12:04] Is it true?

[1:12:05] I'll never know.

[1:12:07] Don't tell me, Toronto.

[1:12:08] Don't tell me, Toronto.

[1:12:09] I want to live in the mystery that is Toronto.

[1:12:15] Thank you very much.

[1:12:17] Thank you.

[1:12:18] Okay, questions.

[1:12:20] Where did Dan go?

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:24] He got really upset at your song and left.

[1:12:27] He was really mad because you keep saying Toronto

[1:12:29] instead of Toronto like a native.

[1:12:32] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:34] Look, I can't pretend to be anything other than what I am,

[1:12:38] someone who is not from here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:40] See, I owe that comment to the tour guide

[1:12:44] who gave me a tour to Niagara Falls yesterday

[1:12:46] who explained a lot about hockey,

[1:12:47] told everybody what buffalo wings were,

[1:12:50] and explained the economics of living in Toronto.

[1:12:53] He also explained that it's very Canadian

[1:12:55] to have a two-car garage that's attached to the home,

[1:12:58] which is crazy because everybody's garages

[1:13:01] are attached to homes.

[1:13:02] Or maybe not.

[1:13:03] I don't know.

[1:13:03] Fuck it.

[1:13:05] Did I miss anything?

[1:13:06] No, don't worry about it.

[1:13:07] Quite a bit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:08] I learned how to pronounce Toronto.

[1:13:10] All right.

[1:13:10] Not Toronto.

[1:13:12] Hitting that second T.

S5

[1:13:14] Okay.

[1:13:15] Hey, how you doing?

[1:13:17] Great.

[1:13:20] Everybody in Toronto is very excited that you're here,

[1:13:22] and thank you for coming.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:23] Oh, thank you very much.

[1:13:25] Thank you for having me.

[1:13:25] I'm excited to be here.

S5

[1:13:29] So last night, oh, well, just to back up,

[1:13:32] thank you for coming.

[1:13:34] I've been a Flophouse fan for a long time,

[1:13:36] but you've been a gateway drug to a lot of movies

[1:13:38] that I probably shouldn't have seen and saw.

[1:13:41] Awesome.

[1:13:41] Yeah.

[1:13:42] And then told people to see and then saw again.

[1:13:44] And so now I think I've advanced further than the Flophouse is,

[1:13:48] and I saw, what is that called, that movie last night?

[1:13:52] I don't know.

[1:13:53] Chris?

[1:13:54] I saw Dangerous Men.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:57] Dangerous Men.

[1:13:58] Okay.

S5

[1:13:58] Don't know it.

[1:13:58] Which is an Infos movie that is apparently, like,

[1:14:01] worse than all of the other movies.

[1:14:03] And I wanted to know what...

[1:14:04] Put together?

[1:14:06] Well, I think it's the same cinematographer

[1:14:09] as the guy who did Samurai Cop,

[1:14:11] but he considers it his lesser work.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:13] Okay.

[1:14:13] Oh, okay.

S5

[1:14:15] So it's astonishing, and it's worth seeing,

[1:14:18] but what's the line for you?

[1:14:19] What is, like, where does bad, bad hit?

[1:14:24] Where does it cross into...

[1:14:26] Yeah, like, I see all the outsider stuff

[1:14:28] and all the auteur stuff, but...

[1:14:30] Where does it go from good, bad to bad?

[1:14:31] Yeah, where is it too bad to see?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:34] Where is it too bad to see at all?

[1:14:36] I think there's a movie that you know

[1:14:39] called Slow Bullet that I believe...

[1:14:41] Oh, God above, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:42] Have you ever seen Slow Bullet, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:43] I have not seen Slow Bullet.

[1:14:44] I only know it through your...

[1:14:45] You keep hyping it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:46] Slow Bullet is, I think,

[1:14:48] the worst movie I've ever seen.

[1:14:49] And I've seen it multiple times by this point.

[1:14:52] Which may...

[1:14:53] I have to ask real questions

[1:14:54] about how I'm living my life.

[1:14:56] But Slow Bullet is a movie...

[1:14:58] So this might help to answer the question.

[1:14:59] Slow Bullet is a movie

[1:15:00] that was produced by a Florida video store.

[1:15:06] Wouldn't it be in their best interest

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:08] to make a good movie

[1:15:09] that people want to rent?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:11] Yes, it would be.

[1:15:12] But that is not what happened with this one.

[1:15:14] And it is about a Vietnam veteran

[1:15:17] who is struggling with his memories of the war.

[1:15:19] He wasn't shot in the war,

[1:15:21] but he was shot with a slow bullet

[1:15:22] of post-traumatic stress disorder.

[1:15:24] There's an original heavy metal soundtrack.

[1:15:27] And the first, like, 20 minutes,

[1:15:30] it feels like the first 20 hours of the movie,

[1:15:32] he's just in his basement apartment

[1:15:33] kind of wandering around

[1:15:34] mumbling to himself in real time.

[1:15:35] real time.

[1:15:36] And I once saw it projected in a theater,

[1:15:39] but the screen was at floor level.

[1:15:41] And it looked like we were just watching a guy

[1:15:43] walking around muttering to himself.

[1:15:46] And it, like,

[1:15:47] and suddenly in that,

[1:15:48] like, watching that movie,

[1:15:49] I, like, started to feel

[1:15:50] what it must be like

[1:15:51] to have something terrible hanging over you

[1:15:53] that you cannot shake.

[1:15:54] And it was like,

[1:15:55] when a bad movie,

[1:15:56] when a movie becomes so bad

[1:15:58] that it has a similar emotional effect

[1:16:01] to a good movie

[1:16:02] in that you're like,

[1:16:03] wow,

[1:16:03] I've really got to, like,

[1:16:04] question my conception of the world,

[1:16:06] that's when it's too bad.

[1:16:08] Like, I wanted,

[1:16:09] it's like,

[1:16:09] there's a movie called Nuki.

[1:16:12] That's like an E.T. ripoff.

[1:16:14] It's a harrowing journey.

[1:16:16] And, uh,

[1:16:17] it's,

[1:16:17] but Slow Bullet is,

[1:16:18] it's like,

[1:16:18] that's when a movie's too bad

[1:16:19] is when it's both boring

[1:16:20] and traumatic to me.

[1:16:22] Like a,

[1:16:22] like a really slow movie

[1:16:24] about someone just slapping

[1:16:25] somebody else over and over again

[1:16:27] for an hour.

[1:16:27] Like,

[1:16:28] that would be both boring

[1:16:29] and traumatic.

[1:16:29] I don't want to watch it.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:31] Sounds like an Andy Warhol film.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:33] Yeah.

[1:16:33] Or frankly,

[1:16:34] almost any comedy made

[1:16:35] before the sound era.

[1:16:36] Like,

[1:16:36] just,

[1:16:36] just nothing but slaps.

[1:16:38] Yeah.

[1:16:38] Not talking about the Lon Chaney film

[1:16:40] He Who Gets Slapped.

[1:16:41] That's a really good movie.

[1:16:42] I'm very satisfied

[1:16:43] by that answer.

S6

[1:16:46] All right.

[1:16:46] Next cue.

[1:16:47] And we'll A it.

[1:16:48] Hi,

[1:16:48] I'm David.

[1:16:49] Last name with help.

[1:16:50] Hello,

[1:16:50] David.

[1:16:51] And I appreciate what you were saying

[1:16:52] before, Elliot,

[1:16:53] about the ways in which you've,

[1:16:55] I think you said,

[1:16:55] riding the privilege train.

[1:16:57] And I was wondering

[1:16:58] if folks could share a moment

[1:17:00] from your illustrious careers,

[1:17:02] whether it's in comedy

[1:17:03] or owning your bar

[1:17:04] in Hinterland,

[1:17:06] in which privilege of some sort

[1:17:08] played a big role

[1:17:09] in kind of going

[1:17:10] to the next step.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:11] Oh, geez.

[1:17:12] Where in privilege

[1:17:13] played a big role?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:14] Oh, God.

[1:17:15] Where privilege helped us

[1:17:16] go to the next step.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:17] I mean,

[1:17:17] I became head writer

[1:17:18] of a show hosted

[1:17:19] by a Jewish guy

[1:17:20] from New Jersey.

[1:17:23] Can't get,

[1:17:24] it was like,

[1:17:24] yep,

[1:17:25] this is,

[1:17:25] I have an unfair advantage

[1:17:26] on this one.

[1:17:27] I was like,

[1:17:28] I was like,

[1:17:28] it's really good

[1:17:29] that I can speak,

[1:17:30] I can kind of like,

[1:17:31] I speak the same language

[1:17:32] as Jon Stewart

[1:17:32] and I can get into

[1:17:33] what he's talking about.

[1:17:33] Oh, that's right,

[1:17:34] we're from the same place

[1:17:35] and we grew up similarly.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:37] Yeah, I mean,

[1:17:38] not to get too serious,

[1:17:39] but I guess

[1:17:40] it's a very serious question.

[1:17:41] I mean,

[1:17:42] up until recently

[1:17:43] where I think people

[1:17:44] are trying to write

[1:17:44] that boat a little bit

[1:17:45] in comedy writers' rooms

[1:17:48] or in writers' rooms

[1:17:49] at all.

[1:17:49] You said write that boat,

[1:17:51] not ride that boat.

[1:17:52] Write that boat, yes.

[1:17:53] For a second,

[1:17:54] I thought you said

[1:17:54] ride that boat.

[1:17:55] I'm going to ride that boat.

[1:17:56] Right into the sunset, baby.

[1:17:59] No,

[1:17:59] to write the ship

[1:18:00] a little bit.

[1:18:03] Recently,

[1:18:03] people have been trying

[1:18:04] to improve on this,

[1:18:05] but in television,

[1:18:08] you know,

[1:18:09] you get your job

[1:18:10] through the people you know

[1:18:11] and because for a long time

[1:18:13] the people who had the job

[1:18:14] are like white guys

[1:18:16] and they tend to know

[1:18:18] other white guys,

[1:18:19] then it's a self-fulfilling thing.

[1:18:21] Yeah.

[1:18:21] And I think I probably took,

[1:18:23] I probably got the advantage

[1:18:24] of being a white guy

[1:18:25] who knew this white guy

[1:18:27] over here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:27] I'm the white guy

[1:18:28] who helped you get a job,

[1:18:29] white guy.

[1:18:31] So there's that.

[1:18:32] So thanks for making me feel bad

[1:18:33] about recommending you

[1:18:34] for that job, Dan.

[1:18:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:36] And yeah,

[1:18:37] like getting a bartending job

[1:18:38] in Brooklyn

[1:18:39] is not that much different.

[1:18:41] I mean,

[1:18:41] the vast majority

[1:18:42] of like neighborhood bartenders

[1:18:44] are great white dudes

[1:18:46] and yeah,

[1:18:49] I mean,

[1:18:50] it's,

[1:18:50] and they end up

[1:18:51] like no other

[1:18:52] straight white dudes

[1:18:53] and then they just get hired

[1:18:55] by other guys.

[1:18:56] Like,

[1:18:56] you know,

[1:18:57] it's something that I know

[1:18:58] I'm super aware of

[1:18:59] and I try to change,

[1:19:01] but now we've got

[1:19:02] a podcast

Dan McCoy

[1:19:02] with three straight white dudes

[1:19:04] talking about stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:05] Well,

[1:19:06] then we shook it up

[1:19:07] when we were in LA

[1:19:08] and Stuart couldn't make it

[1:19:09] by getting a different

[1:19:09] straight white dude.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:12] Unfortunately,

[1:19:12] it's one of those things

[1:19:13] that's only fixed

[1:19:14] by fixing it,

[1:19:14] kind of like

[1:19:15] it reinforces itself

[1:19:16] and then you got to.

[1:19:17] I like the stuff

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:17] that gets fixed

[1:19:18] by breaking it.

[1:19:19] Oh yeah.

[1:19:21] No,

[1:19:21] but I get what you mean.

[1:19:22] All right,

[1:19:22] now we've downed everybody.

[1:19:23] Let's get to the next question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:25] Hi,

[1:19:26] Woody,

[1:19:26] last name withheld.

[1:19:28] I was wondering

[1:19:28] if there is a particular theme

[1:19:30] or trope

[1:19:31] in film

[1:19:32] where you'll watch the movie

[1:19:34] no matter how bad

[1:19:35] the reviews are,

[1:19:36] give it a shot,

[1:19:37] that kind of thing.

[1:19:37] because I like any movie

[1:19:39] where it's about

[1:19:39] the last hurrah

[1:19:42] or the end of an era

[1:19:43] or something like that.

[1:19:44] The thing that westerns

[1:19:45] do very well

[1:19:45] like Sergio Leone movies

[1:19:47] or No Country for Old Men

[1:19:48] or something like that

[1:19:49] where,

[1:19:49] oh,

[1:19:50] new technology comes in

[1:19:51] and it changes everything

[1:19:51] but we're going to have

[1:19:52] one last of the old stuff

[1:19:54] before that happens.

[1:19:55] I like that kind of,

[1:19:56] is there a thing that

[1:19:57] you're like,

[1:19:58] oh,

[1:19:58] that's the thing

[1:19:59] and I'll watch this.

[1:20:01] It doesn't matter

[1:20:02] if it's going to be good

[1:20:02] or bad

[1:20:03] but I like that thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:04] Yeah,

[1:20:04] it's a movie called Cheeky

[1:20:05] and it's about butts.

[1:20:12] Very honest answer.

[1:20:13] I mean,

[1:20:14] I think the real answer

[1:20:15] is like heist movies.

[1:20:16] I just like heist movies

[1:20:18] but that's kind of boring

[1:20:18] so let's move on

[1:20:19] to someone else

[1:20:20] who can answer the question.

[1:20:24] Someone in the bar

[1:20:25] always said

[1:20:26] Cheeky is very good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:27] I'm going to rebut that

[1:20:28] and say Cheeky

[1:20:29] is not very good.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:31] I will say that

[1:20:31] for what it is,

[1:20:32] Cheeky is very good.

[1:20:33] That's very good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:33] A butt delivery system?

[1:20:34] Yeah.

[1:20:36] It delivers on its promise.

[1:20:37] If I'm going to judge it

[1:20:38] on its own intentions

[1:20:39] then it is the best movie

[1:20:41] ever made.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:43] I mean,

[1:20:43] I like,

[1:20:44] I'll watch almost

[1:20:45] any slasher movie

[1:20:46] and I know

[1:20:46] they're all terrible

[1:20:47] and intellectually

[1:20:48] I know that they're

[1:20:49] bad to like

[1:20:50] but I can't help,

[1:20:51] like it's that

[1:20:52] fucking nostalgia shit

[1:20:53] where you're just like

[1:20:54] I need it.

[1:20:55] It's my comfort zone

[1:20:56] of movie to watch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:58] I'll watch

[1:20:58] and I'll watch

[1:20:59] just about any movie

[1:21:00] that was shot

[1:21:00] in New York

[1:21:01] in the 70s

[1:21:02] because that's like

[1:21:03] a mythical time

[1:21:04] for me

[1:21:04] and I only got to see

[1:21:05] the last vestiges

[1:21:06] of it in the 80s

[1:21:08] but anything

[1:21:08] where I can,

[1:21:09] where it's set,

[1:21:10] where it's shot

[1:21:10] on location

[1:21:11] I'm like

[1:21:11] everything's so grimy.

[1:21:13] Like I'll watch that.

[1:21:14] Anyone where

Dan McCoy

[1:21:14] someone's wearing

[1:21:15] like a dingy

[1:21:16] plaid jacket.

[1:21:18] Love it.

[1:21:18] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:19] all these people

[1:21:20] are kind of good

[1:21:21] at their jobs

[1:21:22] but they're just

[1:21:22] doing their jobs

[1:21:23] and they're kind

[1:21:23] of grumpy about it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:25] Yeah.

[1:21:25] Anything and everyone

[1:21:26] and everything

[1:21:27] is all oranges

[1:21:27] and browns

[1:21:28] and tans

[1:21:29] like in teal.

[1:21:29] That's all the colors

[1:21:30] of everything.

[1:21:31] Beiges.

[1:21:32] I love that stuff.

[1:21:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:34] I hope that answers it.

[1:21:35] Absolutely.

S6

[1:21:38] Hi.

[1:21:39] Hi.

[1:21:39] I'm Laura's

[1:21:40] last name

[1:21:41] definitely withheld.

[1:21:42] Whoa.

[1:21:43] Okay.

[1:21:43] Sorry.

[1:21:43] You're in the

[1:21:46] Canadian witness

[1:21:47] protection system.

[1:21:49] It would be confusing

[1:21:50] for anyone

[1:21:51] who's trying to find me

[1:21:52] because I'm changing

[1:21:53] my last name.

[1:21:53] Oh okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:54] You know what?

[1:21:55] I'm sorry we opened

[1:21:56] this can of worms.

S6

[1:22:00] Anyway.

[1:22:01] So there are a lot

[1:22:02] of filmmakers

[1:22:02] that consistently

[1:22:03] make bad, bad movies

[1:22:05] and I was wondering

[1:22:08] if you have a favorite

[1:22:08] director who transitioned

[1:22:10] from that to making

[1:22:12] good, bad movies

[1:22:13] or movies

[1:22:14] you kind of liked.

[1:22:15] I guess what I'm asking

[1:22:16] is is there hope

[1:22:17] for Colin Trevorrow

[1:22:18] to come back

[1:22:20] in the fold

[1:22:20] and make

[1:22:21] the Ponda Baba one

[1:22:22] colon a Star Wars story?

[1:22:24] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:24] I would so love

[1:22:26] a Ponda Baba movie.

[1:22:28] He is maybe

[1:22:29] my favorite

[1:22:30] Star Wars character.

[1:22:32] Do you think?

[1:22:32] He has a face

[1:22:33] that looks like a butt

[1:22:34] and his buddy

[1:22:36] is always getting

[1:22:36] him into trouble.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:39] I mean when we were

[1:22:40] about to watch this movie

[1:22:41] I was like looking

[1:22:42] into the future

[1:22:43] like at the end

[1:22:43] of Raising Arizona

[1:22:44] and there's like

[1:22:45] I was looking at

[1:22:46] like a magazine headline

[1:22:48] with a picture

[1:22:49] of Colin Trevorrow

[1:22:50] and it's like

[1:22:51] getting fired from

[1:22:52] Star Wars

[1:22:52] was the best thing

[1:22:53] that ever happened

[1:22:54] to me.

[1:22:56] But I don't think

[1:22:57] that's going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] You never know.

[1:22:58] I mean so many

[1:22:59] great directors

[1:23:00] came out of

[1:23:00] the Corman factory

[1:23:02] where Roger Corman

[1:23:03] would hire them

[1:23:03] to make cheap stuff

[1:23:04] that like

[1:23:05] for all the really fun

[1:23:06] movies that came out

[1:23:06] of Corman's company

[1:23:07] a lot of bad ones

[1:23:08] did that are not

[1:23:09] worth watching.

[1:23:10] They all made the turn.

[1:23:12] these are still

[1:23:13] young folks

[1:23:13] working out

[1:23:14] their dreams.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:16] Yeah.

[1:23:16] I mean unfortunately

[1:23:17] I feel like it goes

[1:23:18] the opposite direction

[1:23:19] most of the time

[1:23:19] like someone comes out

[1:23:20] with some sort of

[1:23:21] brilliant thing

[1:23:22] out of the gate

[1:23:22] and then makes

[1:23:24] direct later on.

[1:23:25] Like I was really

[1:23:25] surprised recently

[1:23:26] to find out

[1:23:28] that the guy

[1:23:29] who made

[1:23:29] Wake and Fright

[1:23:30] which is a favorite

[1:23:31] of mine

[1:23:32] a great Australian

[1:23:33] horror movie.

[1:23:33] He's the same guy

[1:23:37] who made

[1:23:37] Weekend at Bernie's.

[1:23:40] I don't know

[1:23:40] what you're talking

[1:23:41] about.

[1:23:41] Sounds great.

[1:23:42] It shows a lot

[1:23:43] of range

[1:23:44] that's for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:45] You gotta earn

[1:23:46] money to buy food.

[1:23:48] Is it possible

[1:23:49] that he misheard

[1:23:49] the title

[1:23:50] and he thought

[1:23:50] Weekend at Bernie's

[1:23:51] was Waken at Bernie's?

[1:23:53] It was Waken

[1:23:53] at Bernie's?

[1:23:54] Yeah it was a sequel.

[1:23:55] An American version

[1:23:56] of my very Australian

[1:23:57] movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:00] Yeah it's tough.

[1:24:01] I mean for the most part

[1:24:02] I totally agree

[1:24:03] with you guys.

[1:24:04] Like it's always

[1:24:04] it's usually always

[1:24:06] at least some glimmer

[1:24:07] of good early on

[1:24:08] and then it

[1:24:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:12] Sad.

[1:24:13] Thanks for cheering me up.

[1:24:14] We're going to bring

[1:24:14] the room down

[1:24:15] with all of our answers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:19] Hi guys.

[1:24:19] Rich.

[1:24:20] Last name with Held.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:21] I want to know

[1:24:22] about the people

[1:24:24] who you reference

[1:24:25] frequently on the show

[1:24:26] if you've ever

[1:24:27] heard feedback

[1:24:28] from them.

[1:24:29] For example

[1:24:30] someone like

[1:24:30] a Nicolas Cage

[1:24:32] or a Neil Breen

[1:24:32] or local auteur

[1:24:34] Frank D'Angelo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:38] We were

[1:24:39] we considered

[1:24:40] doing a Frank D'Angelo

[1:24:41] movie for this

[1:24:42] and I like

[1:24:42] I know I was

[1:24:43] kind of scared

[1:24:43] that he would

[1:24:44] that he would come by.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:46] That actually leads me

[1:24:46] to the second question

[1:24:47] which is sort of

[1:24:48] part of that

[1:24:48] which is that

[1:24:49] if you actually

[1:24:49] had the opportunity

[1:24:50] to record an episode

[1:24:51] of the show

[1:24:52] featuring someone

[1:24:54] who you were

[1:24:54] talking about

[1:24:55] like if Neil Breen

[1:24:55] said hey

[1:24:56] man I'll come to your place

[1:24:57] and we'll record

[1:24:58] an episode of the podcast

[1:24:58] was that something

[1:24:59] is that something

[1:25:01] you would want to do

[1:25:02] when you made it

[1:25:03] the man who ends

[1:25:05] every movie

[1:25:05] that he makes

[1:25:06] by killing everybody

[1:25:07] I'm not going to

[1:25:10] bring that by

[1:25:10] into my house

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] but I

[1:25:12] I mean we've been

[1:25:14] contacted by

[1:25:15] if Nicolas Cage

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] said he'd come out

[1:25:16] I would fucking say

[1:25:17] yes

[1:25:17] that's different

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:18] Nicolas Cage

[1:25:19] is an artist

[1:25:20] like he's

[1:25:21] yeah of course

[1:25:22] but I would be

[1:25:23] frightened to meet him

[1:25:24] but I want to

[1:25:26] someone once wrote in

[1:25:28] and told us that

[1:25:29] they told Mads Mikkelsen

[1:25:30] about the show

[1:25:31] and Mads Mikkelsen

[1:25:31] thought it was okay

[1:25:32] like the idea

[1:25:33] of it was okay

[1:25:34] but I don't know

[1:25:36] that's yet to be

[1:25:37] ascertained

[1:25:37] whether that was

[1:25:38] a true story or not

Dan McCoy

[1:25:39] yeah I mean

[1:25:39] the closest

[1:25:39] that we've come to this

[1:25:41] is obviously

[1:25:41] when Chris Weitz

[1:25:43] of Twilight New Moon

[1:25:45] wrote into the show

[1:25:46] he's a listener

[1:25:47] and many other things

[1:25:49] many no

[1:25:49] that's why he was

[1:25:50] on our show

[1:25:50] he was not on our show

[1:25:52] for About a Boy

[1:25:53] a genuinely good movie

[1:25:53] that he wrote

[1:25:54] and directed

[1:25:55] but

[1:25:56] we've become

[1:25:57] sort of friendly with him

[1:25:58] we had dinner with him

[1:26:00] he's a very nice man

[1:26:01] he was very nice

[1:26:02] about the fact

[1:26:02] he didn't poison our dinners

[1:26:03] we made fun of his movie

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:05] yeah I mean

[1:26:08] we

[1:26:09] when we first started

[1:26:10] doing the show

[1:26:11] we assumed

[1:26:13] that we would

[1:26:13] never ever have

[1:26:14] anyone ever involved

[1:26:15] in making a movie

[1:26:16] ever reach out to us

[1:26:17] in any capacity

[1:26:18] and I think

[1:26:19] it was a couple years

[1:26:20] when like

[1:26:21] what was it

[1:26:22] the writer for

[1:26:23] Sorority Row

[1:26:24] wrote to us

[1:26:24] and was like

[1:26:25] hey I'd love to be

[1:26:25] a guest on your podcast

[1:26:26] I'm like

[1:26:27] we already did a show

[1:26:28] on Sorority Row

[1:26:29] like

[1:26:30] do you want to

[1:26:31] talk about some more

[1:26:32] it's not kind of

[1:26:34] what we do

[1:26:34] we were kind of like

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:35] it was kind of cool

[1:26:36] but we were kind of

[1:26:36] baffled

[1:26:37] we were like

[1:26:37] we're not like

[1:26:37] an interview podcast

[1:26:39] like I don't

[1:26:40] there's a lot of those

[1:26:41] but I think we would

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:42] we barely even talk

[1:26:43] about the movies

[1:26:43] we watch

[1:26:44] yeah I guess

Dan McCoy

[1:26:47] that's the answer

[1:26:49] I feel like

[1:26:51] all of these

[1:26:52] I apologize

[1:26:54] all of these questions

[1:26:55] end on like

[1:26:56] the biggest anti-cum

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:57] no they know

[1:26:58] they know

[1:26:58] if they've listened

[1:26:59] to past live shows

[1:27:00] that the questions

[1:27:01] are always a parade

[1:27:02] of us

[1:27:02] disappointing the answer

[1:27:04] disappointing the questioner

[1:27:06] with an answer

[1:27:07] that kind of trails off

[1:27:08] and we're like

[1:27:09] well

[1:27:10] okay goodbye

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:12] and yet we still do it

[1:27:13] but I think

[1:27:14] we're going to

[1:27:15] break the mold here

[1:27:15] all right

[1:27:16] on this next one

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:17] let's put a lot of

[1:27:18] pressure on this

[1:27:19] next question

[1:27:19] the answer

[1:27:20] we give to it

[1:27:21] is going to be

[1:27:21] the best answer

[1:27:22] in the history

[1:27:23] of answers

[1:27:23] step aside

[1:27:26] because this is

[1:27:28] one dialogue

[1:27:28] that's for history

[1:27:30] all right let's go

S7

[1:27:31] I joined the wrong

[1:27:32] place in line

[1:27:33] Caitlin last name

[1:27:34] withheld

[1:27:34] yesterday me and

[1:27:36] my partner

[1:27:36] watched the book

[1:27:37] of Henry

[1:27:37] and the beginning

[1:27:39] of the movie

[1:27:39] I much like you guys

[1:27:41] I hated the kid

[1:27:42] I'm like this kid

[1:27:43] is going to grow up

[1:27:43] into a gamer gator

[1:27:44] and the movie

[1:27:46] for sure

[1:27:47] yeah and by the end

[1:27:49] I cried three times

[1:27:50] because of how

[1:27:52] manipulative

[1:27:52] this movie was

[1:27:53] and like the emotions

[1:27:54] like the scene

[1:27:55] there's a scene

[1:27:55] with Peter in bed

[1:27:56] after Henry dies

[1:27:57] and he has

[1:27:57] the walkie talkie

[1:27:58] that he always

[1:27:58] talked to with

[1:27:59] his brother

[1:27:59] on his bed

[1:28:00] and I'm like

[1:28:01] oh my god

[1:28:02] like oh

[1:28:02] and then I hated

[1:28:03] this movie even more

[1:28:04] so I was wondering

[1:28:04] what movie

[1:28:06] you were the most

[1:28:07] angry at

[1:28:07] that made you

[1:28:08] emotional

[1:28:09] for example

[1:28:10] Dan mentioned

[1:28:11] in A Dog's Purpose

[1:28:12] that that movie

[1:28:13] kind of got to you

[1:28:13] because of

[1:28:14] the loss

[1:28:15] of your pet

[1:28:16] was there a movie

[1:28:17] even worse than that

[1:28:18] where you were like

[1:28:18] this movie's getting to me

[1:28:19] and I hate it

[1:28:20] so much more for it

[1:28:21] or was maybe

[1:28:21] that the line

Dan McCoy

[1:28:22] that's a really good question

[1:28:24] which is what we say

[1:28:24] when we have to

[1:28:26] kill some time

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:26] I know that's happened

[1:28:29] to me

[1:28:29] but it's hard for me

[1:28:30] to think anything

[1:28:31] off the top of my head

[1:28:31] I will say that

[1:28:32] when I was a kid

[1:28:33] and I watched a lot

[1:28:33] of sitcoms

[1:28:34] there were a lot

[1:28:35] of moments in sitcoms

[1:28:37] from bad sitcoms

[1:28:38] I didn't like

[1:28:38] but I watched them

[1:28:39] because they're on TV

[1:28:39] I'm a kid

[1:28:40] I don't have anything

[1:28:41] I don't have anything

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:41] to do

[1:28:42] and where I'd be like

[1:28:42] I would get wrapped up

[1:28:44] in the emotion of it

[1:28:44] where I'd feel bad

[1:28:45] for it

[1:28:45] there's this one

[1:28:47] Full House episode

[1:28:48] where

[1:28:48] my favorite character

[1:28:52] on the show

[1:28:52] you can probably guess

[1:28:53] which one it is

[1:28:54] Kimmy Gibbler

[1:28:55] no

[1:28:55] well

[1:28:55] Kimmy Gibbler

[1:28:56] is number two

[1:28:56] Uncle Joey

[1:28:59] favorite character

[1:29:00] he has some kind

[1:29:01] of a hockey rivalry

[1:29:02] with this other guy

[1:29:03] and finally at the end

[1:29:05] he beats him in hockey

[1:29:06] and the other guy

[1:29:07] is a total asshole

[1:29:09] to him

[1:29:09] the entire show

[1:29:10] you want to see him

[1:29:11] be taken down

[1:29:12] and there's just

[1:29:12] one shot

[1:29:13] of that guy

[1:29:14] sitting on the ice

[1:29:15] it's just

[1:29:16] his face is falling

[1:29:18] like

[1:29:18] and you in this moment

[1:29:19] you're like

[1:29:19] oh

[1:29:20] this

[1:29:20] Dave Coulier

[1:29:21] has a family

[1:29:22] this guy has

[1:29:23] nothing but hockey

[1:29:24] and now

[1:29:26] Uncle Joey

[1:29:27] has taken that

[1:29:27] from him

[1:29:28] like he has

[1:29:30] nothing now

[1:29:31] and I remember

[1:29:31] as a kid

[1:29:32] feeling so sad

[1:29:33] like

[1:29:33] so sad

[1:29:35] in that moment

[1:29:35] I really felt

[1:29:36] for that guy

[1:29:37] terrible

Dan McCoy

[1:29:43] if I can say

[1:29:44] anything after that

[1:29:45] I mean

[1:29:47] I can't think

[1:29:48] of anything specific

[1:29:49] so this is a

[1:29:49] terrible answer

[1:29:50] but I mean

[1:29:51] making me cry

[1:29:53] is like

[1:29:55] shooting fish

[1:29:55] in a barrel

[1:29:56] like

[1:29:58] the same way

[1:29:59] I get that

[1:29:59] if you've listened

[1:30:01] to the podcast

[1:30:01] I think that you

[1:30:02] know that I'm

[1:30:03] always

[1:30:04] just this side

[1:30:05] of being in tears

[1:30:06] so

[1:30:07] I mean like

[1:30:08] fucking commercials

[1:30:10] make me cry

[1:30:11] and I'm angry

[1:30:13] about it

[1:30:13] every time

[1:30:14] like

[1:30:14] anytime I

[1:30:16] express emotion

[1:30:17] I'm just

[1:30:17] god damn it

[1:30:18] this is stupid

[1:30:19] it's stupid

[1:30:21] that water

[1:30:21] comes out of

[1:30:22] my eyes

[1:30:22] and it's stupid

[1:30:23] that I'm expressing

[1:30:24] it

[1:30:24] this is all

[1:30:25] stupid

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:26] yeah

[1:30:28] yeah it's pretty

[1:30:29] stupid

[1:30:30] no Dan it's cool

[1:30:32] that's

[1:30:33] that's just who you are

[1:30:34] buddy

[1:30:34] I

[1:30:36] let me see

[1:30:37] like Braveheart

[1:30:39] or like

[1:30:40] Gladiator

[1:30:40] movies like that

[1:30:41] where

[1:30:42] I don't really

[1:30:43] like them that much

[1:30:44] and they feel

[1:30:44] really manipulative

[1:30:45] but at the same

[1:30:46] time I'm like

[1:30:47] yeah

[1:30:47] freedom

[1:30:48] yeah dude

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:52] that's similar to

[1:30:52] how trailers

[1:30:53] do that to me

[1:30:54] not crying

[1:30:55] but like

[1:30:56] every trailer

[1:30:57] is cut the same

[1:30:57] way where it's

[1:30:58] like

[1:30:58] line of dialogue

[1:31:00] and there's

[1:31:01] like

[1:31:01] silence

[1:31:03] and then

[1:31:03] something crazy

[1:31:04] happens

[1:31:04] and then the

[1:31:04] title

[1:31:05] and then one

[1:31:05] last line

[1:31:06] and then

[1:31:06] and it's like

[1:31:07] just describing it

[1:31:08] and you're like

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:08] who is the man

[1:31:10] wait it's

[1:31:10] Yoda

[1:31:11] you got me

[1:31:13] movie

[1:31:14] you got me

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:15] but I

[1:31:16] I can feel

[1:31:17] like just

[1:31:17] describing it

[1:31:17] you're talking

Dan McCoy

[1:31:18] about the movie

[1:31:18] who's the man

[1:31:19] which would have

[1:31:21] been an even

[1:31:21] weirder reference

[1:31:22] to make

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:22] I just

[1:31:24] describing it

[1:31:24] I can feel

[1:31:25] the hairs

[1:31:25] tangling on the

[1:31:26] back of my neck

[1:31:26] like oh

[1:31:27] it's this

[1:31:27] that format

[1:31:28] for cutting

[1:31:29] trailers

[1:31:29] does it to me

[1:31:30] and I hate it

[1:31:31] so much

[1:31:32] because I'm like

[1:31:32] body you know

[1:31:33] exactly what's

[1:31:34] going on here

[1:31:34] but it still

[1:31:35] thrills me

Dan McCoy

[1:31:37] I hope that

[1:31:38] helped

[1:31:38] yeah thanks

[1:31:39] you guys

[1:31:39] helped

[1:31:40] I hope that

[1:31:40] helped with

[1:31:40] your problem

[1:31:41] I just

[1:31:43] we should

[1:31:43] speed up

[1:31:44] I'm Josh

[1:31:47] last name

[1:31:48] withheld

[1:31:48] so you guys

[1:31:49] have gone

[1:31:49] on record

[1:31:50] about how

[1:31:51] much you

S4

[1:31:51] love the

[1:31:52] Brandon

[1:31:53] Graham's

S6

[1:31:53] prophet series

[1:31:55] yeah

[1:31:55] which

[1:31:56] started out

[1:31:57] as a

[1:31:58] Rob Liefeld

[1:31:59] character

[1:31:59] and I don't

[1:32:00] want to

[1:32:00] talk any shit

[1:32:01] about Rob

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:02] Liefeld

[1:32:02] you can

[1:32:02] it's okay

[1:32:03] he's not

[1:32:04] here right

[1:32:05] okay cool

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:07] he's busy

[1:32:08] not drawing

[1:32:08] a character's

[1:32:09] feet

[1:32:09] somewhere

[1:32:10] he's busy

Dan McCoy

[1:32:12] putting small

[1:32:13] little lines

[1:32:14] all over

[1:32:14] everything

S6

[1:32:15] but my

[1:32:17] question is

[1:32:17] can you guys

[1:32:18] think of any

[1:32:19] examples in

[1:32:20] movies where

[1:32:21] either a

[1:32:22] sequel or

[1:32:23] like a

[1:32:23] reimagining

[1:32:24] is if not

[1:32:25] better at least

[1:32:27] vastly different

[1:32:27] than its

[1:32:28] source material

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:29] I can think

[1:32:32] of two

[1:32:32] one where the

[1:32:33] source material

[1:32:34] is great

[1:32:34] and one where

[1:32:35] it's alright

[1:32:35] like the new

[1:32:36] Planet of the Apes

[1:32:37] movies

[1:32:37] the old

[1:32:38] movies

[1:32:38] I love

[1:32:39] the first

[1:32:40] movie is

[1:32:41] genuinely a great

[1:32:41] film

[1:32:42] and the other

[1:32:42] ones are really

[1:32:43] fun

[1:32:43] but the new

[1:32:44] movies I'm

[1:32:44] like they did

[1:32:44] a good job

[1:32:45] with these

[1:32:45] these are

[1:32:46] really really

[1:32:46] good

[1:32:46] but also

[1:32:47] like the

[1:32:48] old

[1:32:48] The Fly

[1:32:49] Vincent Price

[1:32:50] it's like an

[1:32:51] alright movie

[1:32:51] it's good

[1:32:52] but the

[1:32:53] David Cronenberg

[1:32:53] The Fly

[1:32:53] is like

[1:32:54] it's like a

[1:32:54] totally different

[1:32:55] way to take it

[1:32:55] so creepy

[1:32:56] and quotes

[1:32:57] yeah I was

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:58] going to say

[1:32:58] the same thing

[1:32:59] with The Thing

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:59] oh yeah

[1:33:00] the old

[1:33:01] The Thing

[1:33:02] perfectly good

[1:33:03] sci-fi flick

[1:33:04] but then the

[1:33:05] John Carpenter

[1:33:05] thing it's like

[1:33:05] what am I

[1:33:06] watching

[1:33:06] this is amazing

[1:33:07] it's that alien

[1:33:09] turning into a

[1:33:10] dog in front

[1:33:10] of my very

[1:33:11] eyes and it

[1:33:11] gets all

[1:33:11] tentacly

[1:33:12] don't defibrillate

[1:33:13] that guy's chest

[1:33:14] it's going to

[1:33:14] turn into a

[1:33:15] mouth

[1:33:15] and the score

[1:33:18] is so great

[1:33:19] yeah it's great

[1:33:20] Dan you going

[1:33:21] to take the

[1:33:21] contrary stance

[1:33:22] that John Carpenter

[1:33:22] The Thing sucks

[1:33:23] because I'll have

[1:33:23] to fight you

[1:33:24] no I just

Dan McCoy

[1:33:27] I'm not coming

[1:33:27] up with anything

[1:33:28] very good

[1:33:29] there's stuff

[1:33:29] like I don't

[1:33:30] know like

[1:33:30] Vertigo

[1:33:31] that was based

[1:33:32] on like

[1:33:33] a short story

[1:33:34] like a pulp

[1:33:34] short story

[1:33:35] that no one

[1:33:35] remembers

[1:33:35] or something

[1:33:36] like that

[1:33:36] but

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:37] in French

[1:33:38] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:33:40] why you're

[1:33:41] specifying that

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:41] does that seem

[1:33:43] more white people

[1:33:43] because we're

[1:33:44] in Canada

[1:33:44] yeah

[1:33:48] The Godfather

[1:33:48] is kind of

[1:33:49] a hot

[1:33:50] boilery book

[1:33:50] made it

[1:33:51] into a great

[1:33:51] piece of art

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:52] and then they

[1:33:53] turned it

[1:33:53] into a video

[1:33:54] game

[1:33:55] it's the whole

[1:33:56] story

[1:33:57] alright thank you

Dan McCoy

[1:34:00] thank you very much

[1:34:01] hi I'm sorry

S8

[1:34:04] hi I'm Julian

[1:34:05] last name withheld

[1:34:07] hi Julian

[1:34:07] just side note

[1:34:09] I'm friends with

[1:34:10] Frank D'Angelo's

[1:34:11] godson

[1:34:12] uh oh

[1:34:13] shit

[1:34:14] do not tell him

[1:34:15] we're here

[1:34:15] no he's a cool

[1:34:16] guy

[1:34:16] he knows that

[1:34:17] Frank D'Angelo

[1:34:17] he's well aware

[1:34:18] that Frank D'Angelo

[1:34:19] was crazy

[1:34:19] oh okay

[1:34:20] that's right

[1:34:20] yeah I

[1:34:21] found out that

[1:34:22] he was his

[1:34:23] grand godson

[1:34:24] because I was

[1:34:25] insulting Frank D'Angelo

[1:34:25] to him

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:26] and he was like

[1:34:28] that's hilarious

[1:34:29] that's my godfather

[1:34:29] he was actually

S8

[1:34:30] he took him out

[1:34:31] for smokes

[1:34:31] and asked him

[1:34:32] if he likes movies

[1:34:32] at his showing

[1:34:33] of Sicilian vampire

[1:34:35] anyway

[1:34:35] um

[1:34:36] I have a question

[1:34:37] like a

[1:34:38] sort of the same

[1:34:38] question but a

[1:34:39] different question

[1:34:39] for everybody

[1:34:40] so for Elliot

[1:34:41] if you could make

[1:34:42] any movie with

[1:34:43] Sylvester Stallone

[1:34:44] what would it be

[1:34:44] for Dan

[1:34:45] if you could make

[1:34:46] Nick Cage

[1:34:47] and Stuart

[1:34:48] Stuart Gordon

[1:34:49] wait if I could

[1:34:51] make a movie with

[1:34:52] them

[1:34:52] yeah

[1:34:52] like as an actor

[1:34:53] or just helping

[1:34:54] you direct

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:55] wow

[1:34:56] that's a tough

[1:34:57] question

[1:34:58] hard to know

[1:35:01] there's so much

[1:35:01] possibility

[1:35:02] Sylvester Stallone

[1:35:05] can do it all

[1:35:05] he's amazing

[1:35:06] uh maybe

[1:35:08] has there ever

[1:35:08] been a movie

[1:35:09] about like a

[1:35:09] tough guy who

[1:35:10] becomes a

[1:35:10] kindergarten cop

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:11] are you thinking

[1:35:13] of kindergarten cop

[1:35:14] two

[1:35:14] starring Dolph

[1:35:16] Lundgren

[1:35:16] that's the one

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:19] I'm thinking of

[1:35:21] like

[1:35:23] he might have

[1:35:24] another Rambo

[1:35:25] in him

[1:35:25] because we haven't

[1:35:26] seen Rambo

[1:35:27] die on screen

[1:35:28] yet

[1:35:28] but this time

[1:35:29] no I know

[1:35:31] the movie I would

[1:35:32] make

[1:35:32] okay

[1:35:32] there's a story

[1:35:33] that I wanted

[1:35:33] to do as a

[1:35:34] comic book

[1:35:35] once a long

[1:35:35] time ago

[1:35:36] based on the

[1:35:37] true tale

[1:35:37] supposedly

[1:35:38] that

[1:35:39] the cage

[1:35:40] that Stalin

[1:35:40] sent KGB

[1:35:41] agents to

[1:35:42] assassinate

[1:35:42] John Wayne

[1:35:43] because he

[1:35:44] was too

[1:35:44] valuable to

[1:35:45] American

[1:35:45] propaganda

[1:35:45] and the

[1:35:47] FBI

[1:35:47] stopped it

[1:35:48] and I

[1:35:48] wanted to

[1:35:49] do a story

[1:35:49] called John

[1:35:49] Wayne vs.

[1:35:50] Russia

[1:35:50] where John

[1:35:52] Wayne

[1:35:52] he just

[1:35:53] wades ashore

[1:35:54] on one end

[1:35:55] of Russia

[1:35:55] and he just

[1:35:56] battles his

[1:35:57] way across

[1:35:58] until he gets

[1:36:00] to Stalin

[1:36:00] and it

[1:36:02] started

[1:36:02] and it

[1:36:04] started

[1:36:05] into this

[1:36:06] league of

[1:36:07] Errol Flynn

[1:36:08] is there

[1:36:08] and Robert

[1:36:09] Mitchum

[1:36:09] is there

[1:36:10] all these

[1:36:10] guys

[1:36:11] who had

[1:36:11] shady or

[1:36:12] criminal

[1:36:13] events in

[1:36:13] their lives

[1:36:14] time for

[1:36:15] them to

[1:36:15] earn their

[1:36:15] freedom by

[1:36:17] helping John

[1:36:18] Wayne stop

[1:36:19] Russia

[1:36:19] Sylvester

[1:36:19] Sloan would

[1:36:20] play John

[1:36:20] Wayne

[1:36:20] of course

[1:36:20] I was

[1:36:22] about to

[1:36:22] ask

[1:36:22] I think

Dan McCoy

[1:36:27] that the

[1:36:27] answer

[1:36:27] would also

[1:36:28] again have

[1:36:29] to be

[1:36:29] cheeky

[1:36:30] okay

[1:36:32] interesting

[1:36:32] put Nicolas

[1:36:33] Cage in

[1:36:34] it

[1:36:34] as

[1:36:35] cheeky

[1:36:35] a little

[1:36:35] something

[1:36:36] for the

[1:36:36] ladies

[1:36:36] who doesn't

[1:36:39] want to see

[1:36:39] Nicolas Cage's

[1:36:40] butt for

[1:36:41] two hours

[1:36:42] just a static

[1:36:43] shot

[1:36:43] just a static

[1:36:44] shot of his

[1:36:44] butt

[1:36:45] we're not

[1:36:46] really like

[1:36:46] it's a loose

[1:36:47] remake of

[1:36:48] cheeky

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:48] somebody cried

[1:36:53] out in

[1:36:54] ecstasy

[1:36:54] yeah and I

[1:36:57] mean I

[1:36:58] guess with

[1:36:59] Stuart Gordon

[1:36:59] maybe like

[1:37:00] the Dunwich

[1:37:01] horror or

[1:37:02] some other

[1:37:02] classic

[1:37:03] Lovecraft

[1:37:03] story because

[1:37:04] I like what

[1:37:05] he does

[1:37:05] with those

[1:37:05] he makes

[1:37:06] them extra

[1:37:06] gross

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:06] cool

[1:37:07] thanks

[1:37:08] thank you

[1:37:09] these are

[1:37:11] good questions

[1:37:12] let's keep

[1:37:12] it moving

S6

[1:37:13] Carter

[1:37:14] last name

[1:37:14] withheld

[1:37:15] Elliot

[1:37:15] you said

[1:37:16] that you

[1:37:17] only recently

[1:37:17] started taking

[1:37:18] notes because

[1:37:18] you moved

[1:37:19] to LA

[1:37:19] so I'm

[1:37:19] wondering

[1:37:20] if the

[1:37:21] three of

[1:37:22] you either

[1:37:22] Dan and

[1:37:23] Stuart in

[1:37:24] Brooklyn or

[1:37:24] you in LA

[1:37:24] have run

[1:37:25] into other

[1:37:25] types of

[1:37:26] production

[1:37:27] problems or

[1:37:27] challenges

[1:37:28] that you've

[1:37:28] had to

[1:37:28] come up

[1:37:29] with creative

[1:37:29] solutions to

[1:37:30] now that

[1:37:30] you're

[1:37:30] recording

[1:37:31] across the

[1:37:31] country

[1:37:31] that you

[1:37:32] could share

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:32] not so

[1:37:33] much

[1:37:33] creative

[1:37:33] solutions

[1:37:34] there's

[1:37:34] just been

[1:37:35] like

[1:37:35] technical

Dan McCoy

[1:37:35] yeah

[1:37:36] there's

[1:37:36] been a lot

[1:37:36] of technical

[1:37:37] glitches

[1:37:38] that I've

[1:37:38] had to

[1:37:38] bedevil

[1:37:39] and also

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:40] I had to

[1:37:40] explain

[1:37:40] why you

[1:37:41] could hear

[1:37:41] a helicopter

[1:37:42] passing by

[1:37:42] my house

[1:37:43] in a recent

[1:37:44] episode

[1:37:45] I mean

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:45] most of

[1:37:45] the time

[1:37:46] it's just

[1:37:46] Elliot fucking

[1:37:47] talking and

[1:37:48] we just have

[1:37:48] a tape of

[1:37:49] me going

[1:37:49] uh-huh

[1:37:50] sure

Dan McCoy

[1:37:51] okay dude

[1:37:53] I have found

[1:37:54] that like

[1:37:54] it's already

[1:37:55] hard for me

[1:37:56] to break in

[1:37:56] on Elliot

[1:37:57] talking

[1:37:57] but it's

[1:37:58] even harder

[1:37:58] when I'm

[1:37:58] like looking

[1:37:59] at him

[1:38:00] on a

[1:38:01] Skype screen

[1:38:02] because it

[1:38:02] feels like

[1:38:03] I'm just

[1:38:03] watching

[1:38:04] like the

[1:38:04] Elliot show

[1:38:05] on television

[1:38:06] and I kind

[1:38:07] of forget

[1:38:07] that it's

[1:38:08] part of my

[1:38:08] job to

[1:38:09] talk to

[1:38:09] him

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:09] that's

[1:38:11] why if

[1:38:11] you'll

[1:38:11] notice

[1:38:11] more often

[1:38:12] I've been

[1:38:12] trying to

[1:38:12] go

[1:38:12] what do

[1:38:13] you think

[1:38:13] about that

[1:38:13] Dan

[1:38:13] or I'll

[1:38:14] set up a

[1:38:15] premise

[1:38:15] and be like

[1:38:15] Dan what

[1:38:16] would that

[1:38:16] be like

Dan McCoy

[1:38:16] which

[1:38:17] in the

[1:38:18] improv

[1:38:18] world

[1:38:18] is called

[1:38:19] pimping

[1:38:19] and it's

[1:38:20] frowned

[1:38:20] upon

[1:38:20] because

[1:38:21] maybe the

[1:38:22] other person

[1:38:22] doesn't have

[1:38:23] something

[1:38:23] to say

[1:38:24] but

[1:38:24] I guess

[1:38:25] we all

[1:38:26] learned

[1:38:26] something

[1:38:26] tonight

[1:38:27] I appreciate

[1:38:27] the impulse

[1:38:28] Elliot

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:28] look

[1:38:29] every recording

[1:38:30] is us

[1:38:30] jumping off

[1:38:31] a cliff

[1:38:31] and hoping

[1:38:32] there's

[1:38:32] something

[1:38:32] we can

[1:38:33] land on

[1:38:33] down there

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:33] I think

[1:38:35] another

[1:38:36] problem

[1:38:39] movie

[1:38:40] all

[1:38:41] together

[1:38:41] right

[1:38:41] before

[1:38:42] we

[1:38:42] record

[1:38:43] which

[1:38:43] is

[1:38:44] in some

[1:38:44] ways

[1:38:44] good

[1:38:45] because

[1:38:45] it can

[1:38:46] be

[1:38:46] fucking

[1:38:46] exhausting

[1:38:47] to watch

[1:38:47] a long

[1:38:48] movie

[1:38:48] and then

[1:38:49] have to

[1:38:49] talk about

[1:38:49] it right

[1:38:50] away

[1:38:50] and it

[1:38:51] got to

[1:38:51] the point

[1:38:51] where I

[1:38:52] had to

[1:38:52] stop

[1:38:52] drinking

[1:38:53] during

[1:38:53] the

[1:38:53] movies

[1:38:54] because

[1:38:54] I'd

[1:38:54] get so

[1:38:55] sleepy

[1:38:55] I like

Dan McCoy

[1:38:57] the audience

[1:38:58] like

[1:38:58] aww

[1:38:59] but the

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:01] best ones

[1:39:01] are when

[1:39:02] Stuart's

[1:39:02] wasted

[1:39:03] but

[1:39:04] the

[1:39:04] so we

[1:39:06] watch

[1:39:06] we often

[1:39:07] watch them

[1:39:07] on our

[1:39:08] own

[1:39:08] or sometimes

[1:39:09] Dan and

[1:39:09] I watch

[1:39:09] it together

Dan McCoy

[1:39:10] you know

[1:39:11] because we're

[1:39:12] friends

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:12] but we'll

[1:39:14] watch it

[1:39:14] a couple

[1:39:14] days before

[1:39:15] the taping

[1:39:16] and yeah

[1:39:17] you forget

[1:39:18] some of the

[1:39:18] details

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:18] yeah it's not

[1:39:19] fresh in your

[1:39:20] mind

[1:39:20] but there's

[1:39:22] trade-offs

[1:39:22] with every

[1:39:23] new development

Dan McCoy

[1:39:24] yeah

[1:39:25] and that's

[1:39:26] it

[1:39:26] that's the

[1:39:28] answer

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:28] now

[1:39:29] when you

[1:39:30] hear a good

[1:39:30] story

[1:39:31] it teaches

[1:39:32] you things

[1:39:32] about

[1:39:33] oh hello

[1:39:33] hi guys

S9

[1:39:35] Emily

[1:39:36] last name

[1:39:37] with help

[1:39:37] hello

[1:39:37] first of all

[1:39:39] welcome

S9

[1:39:39] to

[1:39:40] Canada

[1:39:40] and I'm

[1:39:40] very glad

[1:39:41] that all

[1:39:41] three of

[1:39:42] you were

[1:39:42] able to

[1:39:42] come

[1:39:43] so my

[1:39:44] question

[1:39:44] is given

[1:39:45] that we're

[1:39:45] in Toronto

[1:39:46] otherwise known

[1:39:47] as Hollywood

[1:39:48] North

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:48] who knows it

[1:39:51] by that

[1:39:52] we do

S9

[1:39:53] okay

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:54] that's what we'd

[1:39:54] call it

[1:39:55] I've got to

[1:39:55] say

[1:39:56] in Hollywood

[1:39:57] I've never

[1:39:57] heard it

[1:39:58] called that

[1:39:58] don't buy us

S9

[1:39:58] as Hollywood

[1:39:59] North

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:59] visit our

[1:40:01] northern campus

[1:40:01] in Toronto

[1:40:02] I've heard

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:05] they call

[1:40:05] Hollywood

[1:40:06] South Toronto

[1:40:07] I would buy

[1:40:08] that

[1:40:09] I believe

[1:40:09] that

S9

[1:40:09] what are

[1:40:11] some of your

[1:40:12] favorite

[1:40:12] examples

[1:40:13] of movies

[1:40:13] that are

[1:40:14] clearly

[1:40:15] filmed

[1:40:15] in

[1:40:16] Toronto

[1:40:17] aka

[1:40:17] Hollywood

[1:40:18] North

[1:40:18] or another

[1:40:19] Canadian

[1:40:19] city

[1:40:20] but are set

[1:40:21] in a major

[1:40:21] American city

[1:40:22] like New York

[1:40:23] or Los Angeles

[1:40:23] Rumble in the

[1:40:24] Bronx

[1:40:24] is like

[1:40:25] the first

[1:40:25] that's the best

[1:40:25] one

[1:40:26] is Rumble

[1:40:26] in the

[1:40:26] Bronx

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:27] a Bronx

[1:40:28] where the

[1:40:29] gangs ride

[1:40:30] around in

[1:40:30] like dune

[1:40:31] buggies

[1:40:31] with like

[1:40:31] colorful

[1:40:32] streamers

[1:40:32] you can see

[1:40:34] mountains

[1:40:34] yeah

[1:40:34] the snow

[1:40:35] capped

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:36] mountains

[1:40:36] of the

[1:40:37] Bronx

[1:40:37] or I would

[1:40:39] also say

[1:40:40] your own

[1:40:41] Frank D'Angelo

[1:40:42] in his movie

[1:40:43] No Deposit

[1:40:43] where I guess

[1:40:45] it must be

[1:40:45] like a New York

[1:40:46] bank

[1:40:46] but there's

[1:40:47] just

[1:40:47] it's on a

[1:40:48] road with a

[1:40:48] tree line

[1:40:49] right behind

[1:40:49] it

[1:40:50] and it's

[1:40:50] clearly just

[1:40:51] like

[1:40:51] off somewhere

[1:40:52] in the

[1:40:53] suburbs

[1:40:53] somewhere

[1:40:54] somewhere

[1:40:55] in the

[1:40:55] Canadian

[1:40:55] wilderness

[1:40:56] there's

[1:40:56] this

[1:40:56] there's

[1:40:57] this

[1:40:57] bank

[1:40:57] or whatever

[1:40:58] building

[1:40:58] he used

[1:40:58] to stand

[1:40:59] in for

[1:40:59] a bank

[1:41:00] and

[1:41:00] it doesn't

[1:41:01] look very

[1:41:01] cool

[1:41:02] but you know

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:04] Bronx is so

[1:41:05] good

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:05] yeah

[1:41:07] Bronx is a

[1:41:08] genuinely fun

[1:41:08] movie and

[1:41:09] there's a

[1:41:09] certain point

[1:41:10] where I

[1:41:10] start to

[1:41:11] like the

[1:41:11] fact that

[1:41:11] it's so

[1:41:12] clearly not

[1:41:12] shot in

[1:41:13] the Bronx

[1:41:13] because it's

[1:41:14] like I guess

[1:41:15] this is like

[1:41:15] the Jackie Chan

[1:41:16] version of

[1:41:16] the Bronx

[1:41:17] yeah

[1:41:17] where there's

[1:41:18] mountains

Dan McCoy

[1:41:19] this has

[1:41:19] nothing to do

[1:41:20] with the fact

[1:41:20] that it's

[1:41:20] shot in

[1:41:21] Canada

[1:41:21] but I

[1:41:21] just love

[1:41:22] the fact

[1:41:22] that that

[1:41:23] movie ends

[1:41:23] with him

[1:41:24] running a

[1:41:25] hovercraft

[1:41:27] over the

[1:41:27] guy and

[1:41:28] his butt

[1:41:28] is showing

[1:41:29] out because

[1:41:30] he's chafed

[1:41:31] the butt

[1:41:31] off his

[1:41:31] pants and

[1:41:32] like everyone's

[1:41:32] like yeah

[1:41:33] like we've

[1:41:35] defeated the

[1:41:36] villain

[1:41:36] like everything's

[1:41:38] solved now

[1:41:39] also runner up

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:42] every episode of

[1:41:42] the X-Files

[1:41:43] yeah

[1:41:44] like

[1:41:44] what you know

[1:41:46] Langley Virginia

[1:41:47] no it's not

[1:41:47] come on

[1:41:48] Vancouver

[1:41:48] the Arizona

[1:41:50] desert

[1:41:51] come on

[1:41:52] yeah

[1:41:53] thank you

[1:41:54] thanks

[1:41:55] step right up

[1:41:57] getting close to

[1:41:58] the end here

[1:41:58] Dan don't

[1:41:59] advertise your

[1:42:00] joy at that

[1:42:01] fact

[1:42:01] quite so

S6

[1:42:02] openly

Dan McCoy

[1:42:03] hi peaches

[1:42:05] Matt

[1:42:05] last name

S6

[1:42:06] withheld

[1:42:07] so good news

[1:42:08] Flophouse has

[1:42:09] been optioned

[1:42:09] to a major

[1:42:10] motion picture

[1:42:11] but we need a

[1:42:11] little help

[1:42:12] with the

[1:42:12] screenplay

[1:42:13] it has

[1:42:13] we did it

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:14] everybody

[1:42:14] yeah

[1:42:15] screw this

[1:42:16] then

[1:42:17] oh no

[1:42:17] it's

[1:42:18] the Weinstein

[1:42:19] company

[1:42:19] oh no

[1:42:20] Dan

[1:42:23] sorry

[1:42:23] I talked

[1:42:24] over your

[1:42:24] heel click

[1:42:25] Dan was

[1:42:27] doing one bit

[1:42:27] and I was

[1:42:28] doing another

[1:42:28] bit

[1:42:28] and when

[1:42:29] two bits

[1:42:29] collide

[1:42:30] there's just

[1:42:30] little bits

[1:42:31] of them

[1:42:31] lying around

[1:42:31] everywhere

S6

[1:42:32] just wanted to

[1:42:33] say we need

[1:42:34] some help

[1:42:34] with the

[1:42:34] screenplay

[1:42:35] I want the

[1:42:35] save the

[1:42:36] cat moment

[1:42:36] for each

[1:42:37] of you

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:37] save the

[1:42:38] cat moment

[1:42:39] for each

[1:42:39] of us

[1:42:39] I guess

[1:42:39] what the

[1:42:40] thing we

[1:42:40] got to

[1:42:40] achieve

[1:42:41] or the

[1:42:41] well the

[1:42:41] thing

[1:42:42] to endear

[1:42:42] you

[1:42:42] as the

[1:42:43] protagonist

[1:42:43] early on

[1:42:44] okay

Dan McCoy

[1:42:44] yours

[1:42:46] is the

[1:42:46] protagonist

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:47] so what

[1:42:48] would happen

[1:42:49] is I

[1:42:49] would kick

[1:42:50] open the

[1:42:50] door holding

[1:42:51] pizza and

[1:42:51] say who

[1:42:52] wants pizza

[1:42:53] I would be

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:56] unsafe

[1:42:57] we would open

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:57] up the pizza

[1:42:58] and unfortunately

[1:42:59] half the pizza

[1:43:00] has already

[1:43:00] been eaten

[1:43:00] by me

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:03] that would be

[1:43:03] unsafe because

[1:43:04] in the theater

[1:43:04] would jump

[1:43:05] out of the

[1:43:05] seats and

[1:43:05] rush to the

[1:43:06] screen for

[1:43:06] the pizza

[1:43:07] rip through

[1:43:09] it a la

[1:43:09] gremlins

Dan McCoy

[1:43:11] mine would be

[1:43:11] like mine's

[1:43:12] like too

[1:43:12] real

[1:43:13] it would just

[1:43:14] be like

[1:43:14] it would be

[1:43:15] like a

[1:43:15] just revealing

[1:43:17] my bachelor

[1:43:18] lifestyle

[1:43:18] like it would be

[1:43:20] one of those

[1:43:20] things where

[1:43:20] you see me

[1:43:21] coming home

[1:43:22] opening the

[1:43:23] fridge

[1:43:23] looking in

[1:43:24] and it's a

[1:43:25] wall of

[1:43:26] condiments

[1:43:26] on the

[1:43:27] wall

[1:43:27] and no

[1:43:28] actual food

[1:43:29] in the

[1:43:29] fridge

[1:43:30] like this

[1:43:31] is what

[1:43:32] happens when

[1:43:32] you become

[1:43:33] a single

[1:43:33] man

[1:43:33] is you

[1:43:34] have

[1:43:34] three

[1:43:35] different

[1:43:35] types

[1:43:35] of

[1:43:35] mustard

[1:43:36] and

[1:43:37] nothing

[1:43:37] that

[1:43:37] you

[1:43:37] would

[1:43:37] put

[1:43:37] the

[1:43:38] mustard

[1:43:38] on

[1:43:38] so you're

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:41] telling me

[1:43:42] that in the

[1:43:42] movie a

[1:43:42] single man

[1:43:43] Colin Firth

[1:43:44] otherwise a

[1:43:45] very stylish

[1:43:45] and put

[1:43:46] together

[1:43:46] person

[1:43:46] yeah

[1:43:47] is just a

[1:43:47] refrigerator

[1:43:48] full of

[1:43:48] condiments

[1:43:48] yeah

[1:43:49] and he's

[1:43:50] just standing

[1:43:50] in his

[1:43:51] beautifully

[1:43:51] tailored

[1:43:51] suits

[1:43:52] what over

[1:43:52] the sink

[1:43:52] just pouring

[1:43:53] ketchup

[1:43:53] into his

[1:43:54] mouth

[1:43:54] or relish

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:57] I mean he is

[1:43:58] Colin Firth

[1:43:58] yeah maybe

[1:43:59] it's relish

[1:43:59] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:00] yeah I

[1:44:01] think for

[1:44:01] me it

[1:44:01] would be

[1:44:02] just showing

[1:44:02] me with

[1:44:02] my happy

[1:44:03] home life

[1:44:03] family

[1:44:04] refrigerator

[1:44:06] full of

[1:44:07] delicious

[1:44:07] foodstuffs

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:08] and then it

[1:44:10] all gets

[1:44:11] yeah and

[1:44:11] an email

[1:44:12] inbox

[1:44:12] brimming

[1:44:13] with

[1:44:13] notifications

[1:44:14] from friends

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:15] too many

[1:44:16] social occasions

[1:44:17] to deal

[1:44:17] with

[1:44:18] oh so I'm

[1:44:19] sorry Dan

[1:44:20] Dan has

[1:44:20] stepped behind

[1:44:20] the screen

[1:44:21] which would

[1:44:22] also be a

[1:44:23] great name

[1:44:23] for your

[1:44:24] bio behind

[1:44:25] the screen

[1:44:25] yeah and

[1:44:27] then that

[1:44:28] would all be

[1:44:28] taken away

[1:44:28] from me

[1:44:29] in a moment

[1:44:29] I'd have

[1:44:29] to get it

[1:44:30] back

[1:44:30] oh no

[1:44:31] book of

[1:44:31] Job style

[1:44:32] who taken

[1:44:33] my fight

[1:44:34] to God

[1:44:34] himself

[1:44:35] here gold

[1:44:37] we'll call

[1:44:38] you

[1:44:38] okay thank

[1:44:39] you

[1:44:39] now I

[1:44:40] kind of

[1:44:40] want to

[1:44:40] make an

[1:44:40] action movie

[1:44:41] out of

[1:44:41] the book

[1:44:41] of Job

[1:44:41] and it's

[1:44:42] like uh-oh

[1:44:43] behemoth's

[1:44:44] in town

[1:44:45] God's all

[1:44:46] bragging about

[1:44:46] how he created

[1:44:47] behemoth

[1:44:47] anyway

[1:44:48] anyway

[1:44:48] not a lot

[1:44:49] of bible

[1:44:50] scholars in

[1:44:51] hello there

S10

[1:44:53] Jeff

[1:44:54] last name

[1:44:55] withheld

[1:44:55] one of my

[1:44:56] favorite movies

[1:44:56] of all time

[1:44:57] is LA

[1:44:57] Confidential

[1:44:58] and this is a

[1:44:59] movie that

[1:45:00] basically

[1:45:01] Kim Basinger

[1:45:02] was the only

[1:45:02] person that anybody

[1:45:03] heard of in the movie

[1:45:04] but then

[1:45:04] everyone else in the movie

[1:45:06] became huge

[1:45:07] at least for a few years

[1:45:08] in certain cases

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:09] like that James Cromwell

S10

[1:45:12] exactly

[1:45:12] like teenage girls

[1:45:13] were putting poster

[1:45:14] of James Cromwell

[1:45:15] on their back

[1:45:15] they were ripping down

[1:45:17] who teenage girls

[1:45:18] like in the early

[1:45:18] late 90s

[1:45:20] Richard Marks

[1:45:21] I think you're

[1:45:24] very Canadian

[1:45:24] sir

[1:45:24] thank you

[1:45:25] anyways

[1:45:27] what are some

[1:45:28] other movies

[1:45:28] that featured

[1:45:29] a lot of unknowns

[1:45:30] that it was

[1:45:31] their big star

[1:45:32] break

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:33] well looking back

[1:45:34] it's weird

[1:45:35] that like

[1:45:35] Saving Private Ryan

[1:45:36] has a fair amount

[1:45:37] of that

[1:45:37] like Vin Diesel

[1:45:38] is in that

[1:45:38] before he was

[1:45:39] Vin Diesel

[1:45:40] and you watch it

[1:45:40] now and you're like

[1:45:41] I don't have a lot of stuff

[1:45:41] for Vin Diesel

[1:45:42] to do in this movie

[1:45:43] it's like

[1:45:43] oh right

[1:45:44] because he wasn't

[1:45:44] Vin Diesel yet

[1:45:45] but there's a

[1:45:47] there's a

[1:45:47] or like

[1:45:48] Pays and Confused

[1:45:49] people talk about a lot

[1:45:51] like it's got a ton

[1:45:52] of future stars

[1:45:52] but then also

[1:45:53] these like locals

[1:45:54] that you've never heard

[1:45:55] from again

[1:45:55] so sure you can go

[1:45:57] two ways in this life

[1:45:58] sometimes she's a grizzly man

[1:46:00] sometimes she's a bartender

[1:46:01] on cheers

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:01] I just watched

[1:46:02] I just watched

[1:46:03] Working Girl recently

[1:46:04] and like

[1:46:06] there's a young

[1:46:07] Kevin Spacey in it

[1:46:08] that's really great

Dan McCoy

[1:46:09] yeah it's easy

[1:46:10] to think of like

[1:46:11] ones where there's

[1:46:11] just like

[1:46:12] one or two people

[1:46:13] like it's harder

[1:46:14] to come up with

[1:46:14] like

[1:46:14] like I

[1:46:16] my brain

[1:46:17] went to fast times

[1:46:18] at Ridgemont High

[1:46:19] but then I'm like

[1:46:19] well it's not like

[1:46:20] Judge Reinhold

[1:46:20] became like

[1:46:21] the toast of Hollywood

[1:46:22] or something like that

[1:46:23] he was in

[1:46:24] Vice Versa

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:25] he was on the poster

[1:46:28] for Vice Versa

[1:46:29] and he puts that

Dan McCoy

[1:46:31] on his resume

[1:46:32] I was on the poster

[1:46:33] for Vice Versa

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:34] special skills

[1:46:35] can appear on posters

[1:46:36] special skills

[1:46:38] cameras will photograph me

[1:46:40] but I guess

[1:46:43] yeah

[1:46:43] it's fun to watch

[1:46:44] those movies back

[1:46:45] and you're like

[1:46:46] oh wait a minute

[1:46:46] I didn't know

[1:46:47] all these people

[1:46:48] were in this movie

[1:46:48] I thought they were

[1:46:49] just nobodies

[1:46:50] turns out

[1:46:50] there were somebodies

[1:46:51] in the making

Dan McCoy

[1:46:51] well thank you very much

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:54] thank you

[1:46:54] I'm being very pithy

[1:46:55] and you guys are not

[1:46:56] liking it very much

[1:46:58] thank you

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:58] last question

[1:47:00] you're full of pith

[1:47:01] Andre

[1:47:02] last name withheld

[1:47:03] in Sicilian Vampire

[1:47:05] there is definitely

[1:47:05] an element of

[1:47:07] wow

[1:47:07] how did they get

[1:47:08] James Caan

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:08] what formerly

[1:47:10] money

[1:47:10] there's a certain

[1:47:13] thing that anyone

[1:47:14] no matter how

[1:47:15] great an artist

[1:47:16] needs to survive

[1:47:17] especially if

[1:47:19] like James Caan

[1:47:20] they had a very

[1:47:20] messy divorce

[1:47:21] very recently

Dan McCoy

[1:47:22] or not recently

[1:47:24] he blames his divorce

[1:47:24] for doing that movie

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:25] but money

[1:47:26] anyway

[1:47:26] sorry

[1:47:26] what formerly

[1:47:28] Oscar nominated

[1:47:29] but currently

[1:47:30] washed up actor

[1:47:31] would you really

[1:47:31] like to get

[1:47:32] to get star

[1:47:32] on the Flophouse

[1:47:33] to make everyone

[1:47:34] go wow

[1:47:34] how did they get

[1:47:35] that guy or girl

Dan McCoy

[1:47:36] I mean I feel

[1:47:38] like we would

[1:47:38] there are plenty

[1:47:40] of actors

[1:47:41] who are in that

[1:47:42] same family

[1:47:43] of like

[1:47:43] we'll work for food

[1:47:45] you know

[1:47:46] the Baldwin family

[1:47:47] yeah

[1:47:47] the Baldwin

[1:47:48] like

[1:47:50] F. Marie Abraham

[1:47:52] brilliant in Amadeus

[1:47:53] like

[1:47:54] we'll appear

[1:47:55] in anything

[1:47:55] we'll appear

[1:47:56] in your

[1:47:56] Domino's pizza

[1:47:57] commercial

[1:47:57] if you

[1:47:58] if you pay him

[1:47:59] in Domino's pizza

[1:48:00] I don't think

[1:48:03] you should be

[1:48:03] his agent anymore

[1:48:04] you're like

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:07] F

[1:48:08] F

[1:48:09] remember to mail me

[1:48:10] my slice

[1:48:10] that's my commission

[1:48:11] you said

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:16] you drove

[1:48:16] a hard bargain

[1:48:17] for me

[1:48:18] why all the pizzas

[1:48:19] so is that

[1:48:22] who you would want

Dan McCoy

[1:48:23] who would you want

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:26] he's a lot

[1:48:27] of good stories

Dan McCoy

[1:48:27] yeah man

[1:48:29] he's a great actor

[1:48:30] why do you think

[1:48:30] that it's surprising

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:32] this is not the name

[1:48:33] I expect you to say

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:33] we're talking about

[1:48:35] Oscar nominated actors

[1:48:36] right

[1:48:36] Oscar winning

[1:48:37] Oscar winning

[1:48:38] so I would say

[1:48:38] Lance Henriksen

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:39] hold on

[1:48:41] hold on

[1:48:42] I'm gonna

[1:48:43] political back check

[1:48:44] this one

[1:48:44] didn't he win

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:45] for what

[1:48:46] Millennium

[1:48:46] was that a show

[1:48:47] did that win

[1:48:48] pumpkin head

[1:48:50] he won it

[1:48:50] for pumpkin head

[1:48:51] guys

[1:48:51] best supporting

[1:48:52] vengeful dad

[1:48:53] for pumpkin head

[1:48:53] you had four

Dan McCoy

[1:48:54] Pinocchios for this

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:55] I just recently

[1:48:56] watched pumpkin head

[1:48:57] and I was like

[1:48:57] man I wish

[1:48:59] was in more stuff

[1:49:00] I should see

[1:49:01] what he's doing

[1:49:01] now but then

[1:49:02] I'm like

[1:49:02] wait a minute

[1:49:03] he's an old guy

[1:49:05] he might be

[1:49:06] a bad person

[1:49:07] to like now

[1:49:08] so I didn't

[1:49:09] look it up

[1:49:09] I'm ignorant

Dan McCoy

[1:49:10] if it makes you

[1:49:13] feel any better

[1:49:13] it's my understanding

[1:49:15] that he mostly

[1:49:15] just does pottery

[1:49:16] now

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:16] oh that sounds

[1:49:17] great

[1:49:18] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:18] so he's like

[1:49:19] Peter Weller

[1:49:20] where Peter Weller

[1:49:21] was like

[1:49:21] I'm tired of

[1:49:21] being a Robocop

[1:49:22] I'm gonna go

[1:49:22] to archaeology

[1:49:23] school

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:23] yeah

[1:49:24] and then he

[1:49:25] went on to

[1:49:26] direct a bunch

[1:49:26] of episodes

[1:49:26] of Sons of Anarchy

[1:49:28] oh did he

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:28] I guess he was like

[1:49:29] I'm tired of

[1:49:29] archaeology

[1:49:30] time to get

[1:49:30] back into

[1:49:31] Tinseltown

[1:49:32] thought I'd get

[1:49:34] a lot more

[1:49:35] fame and glory

[1:49:35] from all this

[1:49:36] archaeology

[1:49:36] I watched

Dan McCoy

[1:49:37] all those

[1:49:38] Indiana Jones

[1:49:39] movies and I

[1:49:40] got the

[1:49:40] wrong impression

[1:49:41] yeah I thought

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:42] archaeologists

[1:49:42] lived an exciting

[1:49:43] life and he

[1:49:44] threw an old

[1:49:46] pot that he

[1:49:46] had discovered

[1:49:47] down and it

[1:49:48] cracked into

[1:49:48] pieces

[1:49:49] walked by and

[1:49:50] was like hey

[1:49:51] wait a minute

[1:49:51] I can do

[1:49:53] something with

[1:49:53] that

[1:49:54] and a great

[1:49:55] potter was

[1:49:56] born

[1:49:56] Harry Potter

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:57] the world's

[1:49:58] favorite boy

[1:49:59] wizard

[1:50:00] son of

Dan McCoy

[1:50:01] Beatrix Potter

[1:50:02] words do

[1:50:05] sound like

[1:50:05] other words

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:06] guys

[1:50:06] they certainly

[1:50:06] do

[1:50:07] in this

[1:50:08] language

[1:50:08] I don't

[1:50:08] know if

[1:50:08] it works

[1:50:09] in other

[1:50:09] languages

[1:50:09] I'm having

[1:50:11] trouble thinking

[1:50:11] of anybody

[1:50:12] but I'm

[1:50:12] sure there's

[1:50:13] tons of

[1:50:13] them

[1:50:13] it's like

[1:50:14] you always

[1:50:16] have lots

[1:50:16] of people

[1:50:16] winning Oscars

[1:50:17] and then

S8

[1:50:17] start to

[1:50:19] sustain that

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:19] sort of

[1:50:20] thing

[1:50:20] but I'll

[1:50:20] think of

[1:50:21] one

[1:50:21] and I

[1:50:22] will announce

[1:50:22] it to the

[1:50:23] heavens

[1:50:23] on a later

[1:50:25] date

[1:50:25] and hopefully

[1:50:26] you'll hear it

Dan McCoy

[1:50:26] you'll think

[1:50:27] of one

[1:50:27] you'll write

[1:50:27] it on a piece

[1:50:28] of paper

[1:50:28] you'll pour

[1:50:29] some poutine

[1:50:29] over it

[1:50:30] and you'll

[1:50:31] mail it back

[1:50:31] to this

[1:50:32] gentleman

[1:50:32] but I get

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:33] to eat the

[1:50:34] rest of the

[1:50:34] poutine

[1:50:34] oh yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:50:35] yeah

[1:50:36] that's

[1:50:36] part of the

[1:50:36] some

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:37] he didn't

[1:50:37] say all

[1:50:37] of it

[1:50:37] okay

[1:50:38] not even

[1:50:38] most though

[1:50:39] right

[1:50:39] because I want

[1:50:41] as big a portion

[1:50:42] as I can get

[1:50:42] okay

Dan McCoy

[1:50:43] we'll talk about

[1:50:44] your portion

[1:50:45] of poutine

[1:50:45] off air

[1:50:46] more than

[1:50:48] one quarter

[1:50:48] portion

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:50] it's a star

[1:50:51] wars reference

[1:50:52] dan

[1:50:52] sorry

[1:50:53] okay

[1:50:54] I'm done

Dan McCoy

[1:50:54] uh

[1:50:57] so that's

[1:50:58] our show

[1:50:58] I guess

[1:50:59] thanks everybody

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:03] um

[1:51:05] as always

[1:51:06] another

[1:51:08] oh thank you

[1:51:09] another

[1:51:10] flop house

[1:51:10] ends

[1:51:11] not with a

[1:51:11] bang

[1:51:11] but with a

[1:51:12] whimper

[1:51:12] as I beg

[1:51:13] for my

[1:51:14] nightly

[1:51:14] poutine

[1:51:14] and dan

[1:51:15] tries to keep

[1:51:16] me honest

Dan McCoy

[1:51:17] uh

[1:51:18] this will

[1:51:19] mean nothing

[1:51:20] to the

[1:51:20] listeners at

[1:51:21] home who

[1:51:21] listen to this

[1:51:22] later on

[1:51:23] but uh

[1:51:24] we will be

[1:51:25] hanging out a

[1:51:25] little bit

[1:51:26] after the show

[1:51:26] at the

[1:51:27] monarch bar

[1:51:28] which is just

[1:51:28] around the

[1:51:29] corner

[1:51:29] if you want

[1:51:30] to say hi

[1:51:31] that's where

[1:51:32] we'll be

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:32] yeah come see

[1:51:33] us on the

[1:51:34] second floor

[1:51:34] I believe

[1:51:35] yes

Dan McCoy

[1:51:35] uh

[1:51:36] but uh

[1:51:37] just

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:37] yeah we want

[1:51:39] to thank

[1:51:40] everyone for

[1:51:40] coming out

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:40] thank people

[1:51:41] thank the

[1:51:42] theater

[1:51:42] for having

[1:51:42] and be

[1:51:43] like nice

[1:51:43] to them

[1:51:43] this time

[1:51:44] think about

[1:51:46] what you

[1:51:46] would want

[1:51:46] someone to

[1:51:47] say to

[1:51:47] you and

[1:51:47] then say

[1:51:47] it to

[1:51:48] them

[1:51:48] they came

Dan McCoy

[1:51:50] to the

[1:51:51] show

[1:51:51] I love you guys

[1:51:51] uh

[1:51:56] thank you for

[1:52:02] thanks to

[1:52:03] Canada for

[1:52:04] letting us

[1:52:04] into your

[1:52:04] borders

[1:52:05] thanks to

[1:52:06] Toronto

[1:52:06] specifically

[1:52:07] for having

[1:52:08] us here

[1:52:09] thanks to

[1:52:09] the Royal

[1:52:10] Theatre

[1:52:10] that's where

[1:52:10] we're at

[1:52:11] right

[1:52:11] yep

[1:52:12] they've been

[1:52:14] really nice

[1:52:15] and really

[1:52:15] helpful

[1:52:15] and really

[1:52:16] welcoming

[1:52:17] and uh

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:19] and uh

[1:52:19] is there

[1:52:20] anything going

[1:52:20] on in the

[1:52:20] lobby that we

[1:52:21] should mention

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:22] you want

[1:52:22] to say

[1:52:22] go maple

[1:52:24] leaves

[1:52:24] or something

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:24] they would

[1:52:26] love that

[1:52:26] they would

[1:52:27] love that

[1:52:27] go maple

[1:52:28] leaves

[1:52:28] uh

[1:52:30] loved it

[1:52:31] okay say

[1:52:32] something about

[1:52:32] raptors

Dan McCoy

[1:52:33] I won't say

[1:52:36] sorry I can't

[1:52:38] I can't get

[1:52:38] in I can't

[1:52:39] open that can

[1:52:39] of worms

[1:52:40] again

[1:52:40] uh we should

[1:52:41] just wrap up

[1:52:42] right

[1:52:42] yeah

[1:52:42] thank you for

[1:52:44] coming

[1:52:44] and uh

[1:52:46] we're really

[1:52:47] awkward

[1:52:47] so

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:47] thank the

[1:52:48] theater

Dan McCoy

[1:52:49] I thank

[1:52:50] the theater

[1:52:50] already

[1:52:51] Jesus Christ

[1:52:53] you guys are

[1:52:53] setting me up

[1:52:54] to fail

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:54] okay figured

[1:52:56] it out

[1:52:56] all right

[1:52:56] we should

[1:52:57] probably go

[1:52:57] then

Dan McCoy

[1:52:57] thank you

[1:52:58] so much

[1:52:59] good night

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:00] everybody

[1:53:00] thank you

[1:53:01] all right

Dan McCoy

[1:53:05] is he still

[1:53:07] selling stuff

[1:53:09] we don't know

[1:53:10] whether he's

[1:53:10] still selling

[1:53:11] stuff but

[1:53:11] if he is

[1:53:11] Tony Oaker

[1:53:12] was selling

[1:53:12] some stuff

[1:53:13] outside

[1:53:13] and who

[1:53:14] are you

[1:53:14] uh

[1:53:16] I've been

[1:53:16] Dan McCoy

[1:53:17] and I've been

[1:53:17] Stuart Wellington

[1:53:18] and I've been

[1:53:19] Elliot Kalin

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:19] this is a

[1:53:20] mess

[1:53:20] good night

[1:53:21] everybody

[1:53:22] that was very

Dan McCoy

[1:53:35] educational

[1:53:36] I was not

[1:53:37] expecting that

[1:53:37] I'm gonna

[1:53:38] check your

[1:53:38] notes after

[1:53:39] this

[1:53:39] oh about

[1:53:40] the about

[1:53:41] your podcast

[1:53:41] about your

[1:53:44] podcast

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:44] we rehearsed

[1:53:46] this bit

[1:53:46] before guys

[1:53:47] yeah

[1:53:47] totally messed

[1:53:48] it up

[1:53:48] it was the

[1:53:48] classist

Dan McCoy

[1:53:49] classist

[1:53:50] Dan do you

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:51] need to sit

[1:53:51] down for a

[1:53:51] little bit

[1:53:52] guys maybe

S8

[1:53:53] everybody leave

[1:53:54] for like five

[1:53:54] minutes

[1:53:55] well we we

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:57] do we do this

[1:53:58] a lot before the

[1:53:59] podcast which you

[1:53:59] guys don't know

[1:54:00] about is Stuart

[1:54:00] and I have to

[1:54:01] shrink down to

[1:54:02] tiny size get in

[1:54:03] Dan's mouth and

[1:54:03] subdue his tongue

[1:54:04] so that it will

[1:54:06] listen to the

[1:54:07] commands he gives

[1:54:07] it and that

[1:54:09] doesn't go rogue

[1:54:10] I make my living

[1:54:11] with words people

[1:54:12] Dan was that the

[1:54:16] basis of the hit

[1:54:17] film rogue

[1:54:17] tongue a star

[1:54:19] wars tale

[1:54:19] I don't even

Dan McCoy

[1:54:25] know whether

[1:54:26] jokes work

[1:54:27] anymore

[1:54:28] maximum fun

[1:54:32] dot org

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:33] comedy and

[1:54:34] culture

[1:54:34] artist owned

Dan McCoy

[1:54:35] listener supported

Ep. 252 - The Book of Henry LIVE

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