Ep. #253 - The Snowman

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss The Snowman.

[0:03] The worst Marvel movie yet.

[0:06] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:33] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] Hey, great energy, Dan.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] Stuart, I like those compliments you're giving to Dan.

[0:40] I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[0:42] Oh, thanks.

[0:43] I mean, thanks to Stuart, I guess.

[0:45] And thanks to Elliot for the compliment.

[0:47] Yeah. And you're welcome to everyone.

[0:49] This is a positivity podcast where we try to be supportive of each other and just

[0:53] kind of generally, you know, complimentary.

[0:55] So, guys, you're doing everything's wonderful.

[0:59] I got to say, this podcast has been a total failure on my end.

[1:02] Hey, Elliot, you're doing pretty good at manipulating the Skype on your phone slash

[1:10] computer today.

[1:13] Thank you.

[1:15] And I don't know if that's sarcastic or not.

[1:18] And Dan, you have a beard.

[1:21] Thanks.

[1:22] I'm more of an observation than a compliment, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

[1:26] Guys, I think today's...

[1:27] I want you to put your own spin on it.

[1:29] Today's a good time for me to talk about a problem I have, which is me, like millions

[1:35] of Americans, suffers from always sounding sarcastic syndrome.

[1:40] Oh, OK.

[1:41] David Kaelin syndrome, it's called.

[1:43] Yeah. I can't say something nice without sounding like I'm being an asshole.

[1:49] And I don't know what to do about it.

[1:51] Probably not host a podcast dragging bad movies.

[1:58] Here's what I like to do is I like what I like to do is I put I put my fingers up and I

[2:03] do kind of quote marks around what I'm saying because it's like nothing's more sincere

[2:08] than when you quote someone to show them that you respect what they say.

[2:12] So when I give someone a compliment, I put quote marks around it with my fingers so that

[2:16] they know I'm being sincere.

[2:18] OK. Who are you quoting when you're complimenting them?

[2:22] Myself.

[2:23] OK, well, that checks out, I guess.

[2:26] So I guess this is a bad movie podcast.

[2:29] Yep. That's what people tell me.

[2:30] And what does that mean? How does that work?

[2:32] How does a bad movie podcast work? Do we make a bad movie every episode?

[2:37] Yes. And we are way in the hole.

[2:39] We have spent so much money.

[2:42] I've had to mortgage my house that I don't have.

[2:44] It's weird. Oh, boy.

[2:47] No, but we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:51] That's the way it works. So let me get this straight.

[2:52] So it's a two step process.

[2:54] Yeah. OK. So the first step, watching.

[2:57] We watch the bad movie.

[2:58] What's the second step?

[3:00] I like to watch, Elliot.

[3:03] Now Dan's doing a weird bit in the middle of the other dumb bit.

[3:08] Yeah. So, Dan, I started a dumb bit that was just about wasting time and then you

[3:11] started a creepy bit that was about creeping me out and you succeeded.

[3:15] That's gross and weird.

[3:17] Yeah. All right.

[3:18] Well, see, that's the great thing about recording a show remotely is that you

[3:21] that's the great thing about recording a show remotely is that when Dan does a

[3:25] creepy bit, Elliot has a moment where he's like, is there something to be lost in

[3:28] translation by not being in the room?

[3:30] Yeah. Is that not actually creepy?

[3:33] No, I tried to make a creepy face at Elliot, but it's hard to do it over the

[3:38] little Skype camera.

[3:40] Yeah. And also I had a moment where I was like, oh, thank goodness I'm not in that

[3:43] room with Creepo Dan McCoy being a creepy creep.

[3:47] So this is a compliment podcast.

[3:49] Yeah. Well, we try to keep the positivity up.

[3:53] Dan, keep creeping. You're the number one creep.

[3:55] You're doing great. Thanks.

[3:58] So this episode we watched a little movie called The Snowman.

[4:02] Talk about creepy. Right, guys.

[4:05] The Greatest Snowman starring Hugh Jackman.

[4:10] It was Jack Frost starring Michael Keaton as a dead jazz musician who comes back as

[4:14] a snowman terrifying his child.

[4:16] Right. And then that snowman attacks a woman in a shower.

[4:20] Yeah, that's the other one's name was Shannon Elizabeth.

[4:24] And now you know the rest of the story.

[4:26] Which wait, which one had a lentricular cover where when you change the snowman's

[4:31] face gets scary? That was a horror for us.

[4:33] Yeah. Had the lentricular cover because it tricked you into watching.

[4:38] What is it lenticular?

[4:40] I don't give a fuck. It should be tricular.

[4:42] You enjoy it and you see the image change.

[4:48] You're like, that tickles me.

[4:50] That's a good demonic device.

[4:52] Follow you around the room.

[4:55] Stewart, did you say that's a good umami device?

[4:59] Maybe. Now, this is the snowman.

[5:03] Guys, he gave us all the clues.

[5:05] We knew it was going to be a bad movie.

[5:07] Why do we watch it, Mr.

[5:09] Why do we watch it, Dan?

[5:10] So this is.

[5:13] Dan, what drew you to this, because I know you really wanted to watch it, right?

[5:17] I did really want to watch it, and part of it was.

[5:21] Curiosity, because I've read the book, I I've read a number of the books starring

[5:26] Harry Hole or pronounced in the original language, Harry Hula, so it's not a

[5:33] gross even sillier.

[5:35] I thought the name Harry Hole couldn't get sillier, but Harry Hula is even

[5:38] sillier. The great Harry Hole.

[5:45] Yeah, well, yeah.

[5:48] So, Mr.

[5:49] Genitals, I guess, asshole or whatever it is.

[5:53] So Dan, Dan, we're going to have to look into this Harry Hole.

[5:58] Dan, did you. So when you when you got on those books, would you say you fell down

[6:04] a hairy rabbit hole?

[6:06] Yes, I would say that.

[6:09] Because I'm a fool.

[6:11] Now, these books are written by Joe Nesbo, which sounds like it's like a Frank

[6:16] Zappa kid type name, but it's really just a Scandinavian guy, right?

[6:21] Dan? Yeah, it's part of the like wave of Scandinavian crime fiction that started

[6:26] with like, you know, Girl with a Dragon Tattoo.

[6:29] Is that where it started?

[6:31] Well, I mean, that's where it got a foothold in America.

[6:33] I don't know about, you know, in Scandinavia itself.

[6:37] And it continued on until Amy Schumer's Girl with the Back Tattoo.

[6:41] Yes, Lower Back Tattoo, Elliot.

[6:43] Lower Back Tattoo, I'm so sorry.

[6:46] And I was curious about this movie, because like there's nothing that there's

[6:49] nothing in the rulebook that says that this had to be a bad movie.

[6:52] I mean, it's based on it's based it's based on a trashy book.

[6:57] Wait, let me check.

[6:59] OK, yeah, you're right, Dan, the book is trashy, but it was entertaining

[7:03] and diverting and, you know, it was a page turner.

[7:06] You got Thomas Alfredson directing it, who did Tinker,

[7:10] Taylor, Soldier, Spy and Let the Right One In.

[7:14] Good movies.

[7:16] Thelma Schoonmaker was the editor and she's Martin Scorsese's longtime editor.

[7:22] You got Michael Fassbender and Rebecca Ferguson in the main roles.

[7:27] And Charlotte Gainsbourg.

[7:28] Yeah, Charlotte Gainsbourg.

[7:29] You've got you got J.K. Simmons, N.

[7:31] J.K. Simmons.

[7:34] Yeah, everything about this movie was set up to be a number one hit success.

[7:38] Was it Dan?

[7:39] No, it was it was it was widely panned.

[7:43] It was avoided by the public and it launched a thousand memes

[7:49] because the Mr. Police, I gave you all the clues.

[7:53] Advertisement was very popular on the Internet.

[7:56] Very popular and inaccurate.

[7:59] It implies a game of cat and mouse between a policeman and a killer.

[8:03] Which the movie does not bear out.

[8:04] Now, keep in mind, and this is something I didn't realize

[8:07] until I started reading about it afterwards,

[8:09] that apparently their shooting schedule was too short

[8:11] and 10 to 15 percent of the screenplay was not shot.

[8:15] So I guess they apparently they went into the editing room

[8:18] and they were like, oh, wait a minute, we missed some stuff.

[8:21] Like that's one of the reasons the movie makes no sense.

[8:24] And character.

[8:25] There's a like J.K. Simmons character.

[8:27] I will get into it.

[8:28] I don't even know why he's in the movie.

[8:30] Like it's there's a whole subplot that goes nowhere.

[8:33] And you know what?

[8:34] I don't need my subplots to go somewhere.

[8:36] I'm fine with that casino world in The Last Jedi.

[8:38] I enjoyed that.

[8:39] I don't need my subplots to be elegantly tied into the ending.

[8:42] But at least give me some reason for why this character is skulking

[8:46] around in an opera house looking at topless women.

[8:48] Dan, but I mean, he

[8:52] I think the movie wanted to be a little sleazier.

[8:54] So it had to put a topless woman in there.

[8:56] I don't know.

[8:57] I mean, but so we can all agree that J.K.

[9:00] Simmons looks great in this movie.

[9:02] Oh, he's jacked like he's jacked.

[9:04] You put him in that suit and you're like, J.K.

[9:07] looking like a snack. Am I right, Dan?

[9:11] Am I right?

[9:11] J.K.

[9:13] His name means just keep doing what you're doing, J.K.

[9:15] Simmons.

[9:18] You're faster with an initials joke than me.

[9:21] They are.

[9:22] Sorry. Well, that's why.

[9:23] That's why it's a tough life.

[9:25] I leave because everyone's always trying to best me.

[9:27] In quickness with initials jokes.

[9:28] And I just want to rest.

[9:30] I don't want to have to constantly defend my title.

[9:32] But every one wants to make a name for himself.

[9:35] Wanders into my one horse town, decided that he wants to show

[9:38] he's faster with an initials joke.

[9:40] I've killed so many kids that way.

[9:42] Oh, terrible.

[9:43] I always has to sit with his back to the wall

[9:45] so that a kid doesn't run up and try and out reference him.

[9:48] Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[9:52] So should we get into the plot of this movie and which

[9:54] eventually lead us to the one great thing in it,

[9:56] which is Val Kilmer's weirdly dubbed voice.

[10:00] Sure, let's get into the plot that is so fucking twisty, I can't make heads or tails of it, and I read the book again.

[10:08] It's like a mountain pass in a dark night. So did you read this book, The Snowman, starring this guy?

[10:14] Yes. It was the first book in the series that I read, and it hooked me on the series.

[10:19] So I obviously enjoyed it enough that I thought this might have the slight chance of being good, but we'll see what we all thought.

[10:27] So the movie opens up in fucking Norway, and it's all snowy and shit.

[10:33] Yeah, what country is this actually?

[10:35] Norway.

[10:36] Is it Norway?

[10:37] Yeah, it's in Oslo.

[10:39] So we see this kid lives in an isolated house in the middle of the winter with his mom,

[10:46] and a guy who calls himself the kid's uncle comes by and tests him on facts of Norwegian history,

[10:52] and whenever the team gets an answer wrong, the uncle hits the mom.

[10:56] And she drops coffee beans all over the floor.

[10:59] Yeah.

[11:00] That's what those are, right?

[11:02] Yeah.

[11:03] Okay.

[11:04] Either that or they're mouse pellets. I don't know. Something.

[11:07] But the kid goes outside to make a snowman while the uncle, in quotes, not quoting anybody – this is to say that he's not really the uncle –

[11:16] and the mom have an illicit rendezvous.

[11:19] It turns out that guy is the mom's mistress and must be the kid's son.

[11:23] In fact, she says as much.

[11:24] But he wants nothing to do with that family, and he leaves.

[11:27] The mom takes the teen, drives him onto an ice lake, and then he gets out of the car, but she won't,

[11:32] and he watches as she just drowns herself inside of a car.

[11:36] And I'm sure like any teen, what he's thinking is, hey, I wanted to use that car.

[11:40] I want to go down to the mall to see my friends.

[11:42] Mom, mom, let me use the car.

[11:44] Oh, I can't use it forever? Thanks, mom.

[11:46] Anyway, that's the end of that prologue.

[11:49] So much of that opening feels digitally enhanced to the point that I'm like this – I don't know what's going on here.

[12:00] Are they robots?

[12:02] It felt to me like I was watching – I was watching a scene from – even not having seen any of this movie,

[12:08] it felt like I was watching a scene from a different movie that suddenly got spliced onto the tape.

[12:12] Like, oh, I don't know what's going on, and I don't care.

[12:17] This feels like the scene that would show up normally like right after the reveal of the killer,

[12:23] and you're like, oh, that's why he's a killer, because he was abused, and victims of trauma and abuse are always murderers.

[12:31] They're dangerous. Can't have them in society.

[12:34] Well, it's not too much of a spoiler at this point to like – you know that this prelude has something to do with the killer

[12:40] and is probably the origin story of the killer, so it's not a spoiler.

[12:43] Yeah, because that's how movies work, Dan.

[12:45] That is the origin story.

[12:46] They just decided to give you a little extra tail at the beginning to wet your whistle for Norwegian depression?

[12:51] Yeah, yeah.

[12:52] Here's a little moose boosh of misery for you before we get into the real story.

[12:57] A serious man kind of does that with the whole Dybbuk story.

[13:00] That's true. A serious man does do that.

[13:03] Doesn't really relate back to the rest of everything.

[13:06] So in Dan's words, the snowman as good as a serious man.

[13:12] I love the fact that he goes outside to build a snowman, and I guess that's the origin story of the fact that he weaves snowman into his killings later on.

[13:23] I mean, yeah, they talk about that, right?

[13:25] But the idea that this kid remembers, like, well, on the day that my mom died, I built a snowman, so I guess it's my thing now.

[13:32] But isn't he always making the snowman to sit there looking at the women he's about to murder accusingly?

[13:39] Yeah.

[13:40] I don't know.

[13:41] That's his, like, judgmental alter ego is this little snow guy.

[13:45] I mean, all of that might have been explained more clearly if they had shot the, I have to assume, 20 pages of script that were left out.

[13:53] Why snowman in particular?

[13:55] But, OK, we don't have time for that because now it's the present day or some other time.

[14:00] Michael Fassbender is a drunk guy who's asleep in an ice fishing shack, wakes up, and goes off to his home.

[14:08] He's Harry Hole.

[14:09] He's a homicide detective who doesn't have a lot of work to do because there are a lot of homicides in Norway.

[14:14] Speaking of his home, it is offensive to me that at nowhere do we see a bit of set dressing of, like, a little woodwork thing that calls his apartment Harry's Hole.

[14:28] I mean, that's just fucking bullshit, dude.

[14:32] I mean, he is in Norway where the language is different, so that might be part of it.

[14:36] But no, other than the fact that they tell you it's in Norway, you see no Norwegian written anywhere in this film.

[14:43] No one has a Norwegian accent.

[14:47] The fact that it's Norway is just represented by the kind of cold, sexless architecture and interior design where everything is kind of functional and uninteresting for the most part.

[14:59] That's what symbolizes Norway.

[15:01] I think I read somewhere where they even, like, changed the signs on the police cars so it doesn't have the Norwegian word for police.

[15:10] Well, that kind of like – yeah, Dan?

[15:13] I kind of like that. I mean, like, that's a choice that you can make.

[15:16] Like, you can set a thing in a place and just be like, well, we see everything in English, so we assume it's in Norwegian.

[15:24] I find it weird when you –

[15:26] Like we have some kind of, like, Babelfish in our eyeballs.

[15:28] Exactly. Like, I find it weirder in movies where you set it in a different country and everyone feels like they have to speak in that accent, as if what they do in that country is just walk around speaking English with a different accent all the time.

[15:41] But that is what they do, right? I've never been anywhere. Isn't that how other countries work?

[15:45] Yes. Yeah.

[15:47] Like if you go to France, everyone's like, hello, how are you? Welcome to France.

[15:52] If you get plimpser language tapes, they're actually just dialect coaches.

[15:58] Well, I think it's weird to set a movie in a place and then make the choice to denude that place of much of its identifying marks.

[16:06] Because at that point, why didn't they just set this in, like, a small Midwestern town in America that doesn't have a lot of killings or set it in – and a big subplot is whether Oslo is going to get the World Cup.

[16:19] So it's like what – everyone's talking about how great Oslo is and how we're all so proud of being Norwegian.

[16:25] I mean that was the emotional climax of the movie, right, is when we're all like, yeah, and the music swells.

[16:32] And there's just a freeze frame of J.K. Simmons pumping his fist in the air and then credits roll and then the movie continues.

[16:39] So anyway, Michael Fassbender is this depressed cop. It doesn't help that his apartment is full of dry rot and mold and he can't live in it because they're cleaning it out all the time.

[16:50] It's symbolic of the – just like the shit he's dealing with, man.

[16:55] Yeah, he's a corrupted soul.

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:59] Yeah, he's like John Constantine.

[17:01] He seems to be – yeah, there you go. Yeah, he sold his soul to three different demons, and they can't go to – he can't die or else hell will go to war.

[17:09] So here's the thing that I kind of don't remember about Constantine.

[17:14] Why were they so eager to have his soul, those three demons?

[17:17] You'd think like he's just kind of this like wastrel British drunk who smokes too much.

[17:23] You'd think that one of the demons would be like, you know what?

[17:25] It's not worth it.

[17:26] Like you guys just take him.

[17:28] I mean I think part of the argument is that you're trying to say that like demons are actually pretty understanding chill things as opposed to like the embodiment of evil and like avarice.

[17:40] That's a good point, and greed. Yeah, that's a good point.

[17:43] Touche, Stuart.

[17:44] Like these surfer demons who are like, yeah, I could take your soul, but there's some pretty sweet breaks today.

[17:50] Yeah, just accept it and move on, dude.

[17:53] Yeah.

[17:54] Demon with a puka shell necklace is just kind of like a beach bum.

[17:58] Yeah.

[17:59] Yeah.

[18:00] I could collect souls and be like a prince of hell or whatever, but I don't know, man.

[18:04] Like what does that mean in the end?

[18:06] I'm just here for now.

[18:08] Anyway, check out that curl.

[18:10] I got to hit those waves.

[18:11] I'm just a lion's head surrounded by goat legs, dude.

[18:15] Why don't I put sandals on those five goat legs?

[18:23] Okay, so he's falling apart anyway, but his tough boss has been covering for him as he disappears from work on kind of like benders, but he gets a cryptic note in the mail on beautiful robin's egg blue stationary with a drawing of a snowman at the bottom.

[18:40] And the note is like a poem about snowman.

[18:43] Yeah.

[18:44] It says, do you want to build a snowman?

[18:46] Yeah.

[18:47] Yeah.

[18:48] Come on and let's go and play.

[18:50] I never see you anymore.

[18:52] I don't remember the rest of the words.

[18:54] I know I could count on you to take it since you have a kid.

[18:57] I know.

[18:58] Well, we used to listen to those songs all the time, and we haven't listened in so long that I've forgotten all of them.

[19:02] Oh, no, I never see you anymore.

[19:04] Come out the door.

[19:05] It's like you got away.

[19:08] We used to be best buddies, but now we're not.

[19:11] I wish you would tell me why.

[19:14] Do you want to build a snowman?

[19:17] It doesn't have to be a snowman on a go.

[19:21] Okay, bye.

[19:23] And then it goes, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

[19:26] Do you want to build a snowman or ride our bikes around the hall?

[19:31] Oh, God.

[19:33] Your company is overdue.

[19:35] I started talking to the pictures on the wall.

[19:38] Hang in there, Joan.

[19:39] It gets a little...

[19:44] It's a hit song from the biggest animated film of all time, Stewart.

[19:48] Shrek?

[19:49] We also learned that...

[19:50] Yeah, should we say Shrek?

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:53] I was recently told a story about a...

[19:56] Apparently for Shrek, they hired a bunch of people to write like a big opening musical.

[20:00] Number that would explain all the characters and that they like put weeks of work into it and made and and put this song together

[20:06] and

[20:07] Presented it to Jeffrey Katzenberg, and he was like that was great guys. That was great

[20:11] But we just got the rights to a Smash Mouth song all-star, so we're just gonna use that

[20:17] Speaking of speaking of putting work into a score that's not being used

[20:21] Apparently this movie had a Johnny Greenwood score, and they didn't use oh wow and they replaced him with Marco Beltrami

[20:27] Yeah, which I mean Marco Beltrami don't get me wrong is drop some sick-ass scores I

[20:34] Wonder what was wrong with Johnny Greenwell, maybe they accidentally hired Lee Greenwood. Oh, yeah

[20:40] Have all this patriotic America's music in this Norway movie. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense

[20:45] So we also learned that Harry Hole has an estranged son named Oleg and an ex-wife whose name I did not catch

[20:52] Wait a minute movies names. I just wait a minute

[20:56] She's an ex-girlfriend, and that's not his actual son. No it is his actual son, but all it doesn't know that oh shit

[21:04] I'm like

[21:06] That is not clear in the movie in the movie

[21:08] I was never sure if it was his real son or not

[21:10] And I was never sure if she was his ex-wife or his ex-girlfriend people kept saying to Harry Hole

[21:14] He's not your real son. You don't have to worry about it, but it was like

[21:18] I don't know it was it was it was that clear in the books. Is that what it is Dan? Yes?

[21:24] Now I believe I'm right about this. I feel now I now I feel weird about my certainty about it

[21:29] But so you mentioned you mentioned a moment where Harry gets a note in the mail

[21:33] And that's actually I think the one scene

[21:36] I really liked in the movie or the little touch where he's in the cafeteria

[21:40] And he puts his food down and then he actively goes and takes the second chair from the table and moves it away

[21:45] Yeah

[21:48] That's a good touch

[21:50] and

[21:51] so uh and

[21:53] And Harry Hole's ex-girlfriend mother of his possible son. It has a new boyfriend

[21:59] Matthias who is a he's some kind of hormone doctor. He's like a doctor. Yeah

[22:06] He and Harry thinks he's a plastic surgeon at first

[22:10] But yeah, I think is he explains that it's that much of that stuff is dealt with it with hormones now

[22:16] And he seems very jovial and eager to give Harry some medication

[22:22] Everything about him like and this this character everything about him screams

[22:26] There's something off with this character because if there wasn't why would he have such a large part in every scene that he's in?

[22:33] Yeah, like well he gets

[22:36] Yes, yeah, yeah, I mean Roger Ebert used to have something called the law of convert conservation of characters where he stated that any

[22:44] character that seems extraneous to the plot is probably like ends up being the killer and

[22:52] Spoiler alert

[22:54] Yeah, maybe

[22:56] Meanwhile, there's a woman with a red scarf. She's a mom. She gets home

[23:00] she's just hanging out on her own after she puts her daughter to bed her husband was mad and left and

[23:04] Because she was like getting home from work

[23:06] And he had to go somewhere a snowball gets thrown at her window and she looks out and sees a snowman in her yard

[23:12] Peeping at her. Oh and by snowman. I mean literally like just a childish snowman three lumps of snow with some coal in his face

[23:20] Harry goes to his office. There's a new there's a new cop there

[23:23] She's a lady her name's Katrine

[23:25] which I only knew because I looked it up on Wikipedia afterwards because I missed I think the one time they mentioned her name and

[23:31] The rest of the movie no one addresses her or anything like that

[23:34] well

[23:35] there's the moment where he he has the big reveal where he like like finds a

[23:39] Child's raincoat that says Katrine and I'm like is that supposed to mean something so I went to IMDb and I'm like

[23:45] Oh my god

[23:47] Because you hear the word you hear the word cloudberry more often than you hear Katrine

[23:52] I would love I would love the idea that a movie relies on you going to IMDb to like gas

[24:00] Well, it makes you a more active participant in the mystery Stuart

[24:03] It's like when you were people would watch lost and they're like I got to go online and figure out the clues in this one

[24:08] And the creators have lost we're like and people are doing their part. We don't have to figure out anything

[24:14] Or it's like that what was the movie you watched where it ended with it was the exorcism movie that ended with a

[24:20] Website that said yeah rest go to this URL. That's the last exorcism. I think I think that last exorcism

[24:27] Yeah, like boy, yeah, that was that was very disappointing

[24:32] Yeah, it's like find out more at your local library

[24:37] If they went even further and it's like right to this address and you got like a snail mail like thing describing an extra scene

[24:44] at the end of the movie

[24:47] Now it became a very long scavenger hunt though you you right away and they send you an audio tape that gives you the

[24:53] Instructions to where to find a key that opens up like a safe

[24:57] That has the has a reel of film and when you watch the film the film is like hey find this guy

[25:03] He's the one who knows what happens in the movie

[25:05] You got to track him down people are spending years wandering the globe trying to figure out the end of this movie

[25:10] So do you guys do you think that in like school libraries?

[25:14] They now have posters that say like, you know how they have those posters that are basically like hey

[25:20] you should read more and maybe the poster just read and then it shows like a detective surrounded by bloody snowman and it says

[25:27] Pull up with a good book

[25:32] Yes, I think that that definitely is happening yeah

[25:37] Okay, that's just like that's all I got all those and all those ads all those ads in Norway that say

[25:44] Nesbo knows murder and it's all Joe Nesbo theme stuff and knows Nesbo knows baseball and Nesbo knows football

[25:54] Anyway, that's all I know about sports Bo Jackson's old slogans. Yeah

[25:59] okay, so

[26:01] Katrine is this new cop. She studied Harry Hole's cases in school now

[26:05] She wants to work with them and they're gonna investigate the disappearance of the woman. We saw before her red scarf

[26:11] It's on the snowman in her yard

[26:14] And she turned into a snowman

[26:17] That's the implication at first

[26:20] quickly

[26:21] quickly disabused of that notion turns out she's

[26:24] Disappeared and someone has placed her scarf on a snowman because I think what they do a DNA test on the snowman just to make

[26:29] Sure, it doesn't have any of her genetic code

[26:32] now and

[26:34] Katrine has this futuristic video recording device for collecting evidence

[26:39] That's like it's one of those things that looks like do the fucking Voight-Kampff test. Yeah. Yeah, exactly

[26:44] Or just like a really oversized iPad. Yeah, well, that's like it's something where the first moment

[26:50] I saw it I was like, whoa, does this take place in the future?

[26:52] And then it was like no, wait a minute. I have a better machine for that in my pocket

[26:56] person has

[26:58] Like she should just use her phone to record all this and then the police

[27:02] Department can defray the cost of her phone service and her data plan because she'd need a ton of data

[27:07] Right the store that stuff in the cloud. Yeah, I mean

[27:11] From my understanding in like Scandinavian countries. They've had a better advanced like

[27:16] Cellphone network and system than we've had. So yeah, I mean, it's probably peanuts to them. I

[27:23] Guess that's true and they do love peanuts. They're Norway is the home of the peanut industry. Yeah

[27:30] All their famous boiled peanuts Norwegian boiled peanuts

[27:34] Oh, you can't go into a grocery store without seeing a big display for Norwegian boiled peanuts

[27:38] Yeah, I have a delicious plate of peanut crusted puffin or whatever

[27:44] Some sort of fermented fish covered in peanuts

[27:49] What is this no reservations or something, what are we doing?

[27:54] Then we get to we and

[27:56] Harry Hole looks in the newspaper and sees a picture of JK Simmons

[27:59] Who's a big rich guy who is both?

[28:02] He if what we I pick up I'm never quite sure what he does

[28:05] He seems to be a rich industrialist who is also famous for his

[28:09] Profession of family values and being a family man and his one goal in life is to get the World Cup in Oslo

[28:16] And as we eventually find out he loves to take pictures of women with his phone

[28:20] Thus proving that they have this phone technology that they could just use to

[28:24] But

[28:26] Anyway, we cut to a flashback that is prompted by I don't know who I don't know who in the room is remembering this of

[28:34] Nine years earlier old Val Kilmer who has been dubbed with the craziest voice unless that's him doing it

[28:41] but every scene with Val Kilmer feels like the scene at the end of Peewee's Big Adventure where Peewee Herman and

[28:47] Has that one part in the movie as the bellhop and they and they dubbed in his voice so that he goes mr

[28:53] Herman paging. Mr. Herman like that's what Val Kilmer sounds like the whole movie. I think what was the deal with that?

[28:59] I think he's sick before we make too much fun of it. Well, no he I mean he was he was recovering from like throat cancer

[29:05] All right, so I didn't know that. Yeah

[29:08] I didn't know that but they could have found somebody who sounded more like him to do it

[29:12] I mean, I partly I partly I'm like, I mean, I guess he's got to make money

[29:16] But I'm like man just take take the time off like Rick. You're more important than a movie

[29:22] Yeah

[29:24] In particular

[29:26] Look, he's gonna remember that Val stands for valuable and that we value him and that Val Kilmer

[29:31] Like we want you to see in yourself the worth that we see in you and you got to take that time to take a result

[29:36] Okay, I didn't realize that because the whole it really threw me off to hear him

[29:40] Just come have a completely different voice coming out of his face. Yeah, it seemed like an insane choice. It seemed like

[29:47] like they're just gonna replace him with

[29:49] Who's that actor and all the money in the world? Yeah, they're you know, man, my Christopher Plummer is a is a virus that is slowly infecting

[30:00] Here it's just the voice but in every movie you're gonna see like in the background a building is gonna be Christopher Plummer

[30:05] or like some characters are get like in I went to see that a

[30:09] Logan Lucky movie and they get into a race car and the race car was Christopher Plummer like he's just really

[30:14] Like the way that a bone turns into a fossil by little bits of matter becoming minerals every movie is becoming Christopher Plummer that way

[30:21] yeah, I

[30:23] Heard they're releasing a new edition of the special editions where all the characters are replaced with Christopher Plummer

[30:28] Oh, yeah, although Watto is an improvement when it's Christopher Plummer. It's very elegant very cultured. Yeah

[30:36] So what happens next I so anyway, what happens next is Val Kilmer has been hired to investigate

[30:42] this disappearance of a woman who is friends with JK Simmons is that is the what she's the wife of a rich guy and

[30:50] they know JK Simmons and

[30:53] That's the end of that flashback, but I did so

[30:57] Now I'm looking at my notes and I'm trying to reconstruct from my notes what any of it means

[31:02] Because even my notes are not clear

[31:03] I now I just have whole talks to a missing woman's daughter and we see that Harry holes good with kids

[31:08] It really isn't good at talking to kids. Yeah, and

[31:13] Then we cut back to the past and we learn a lot of exposition via walkie-talkie that Bill caught Val Kilmer's character raft

[31:20] Oh has been

[31:22] Suspended from the force

[31:24] I know that that's a Norwegian name, but raft. Oh sounds so ridiculous

[31:29] It sounds like a Muppet. Yeah. Yeah, you got a Muppet in the middle of this movie, which would have been amazing

[31:34] Oh

[31:35] If they don't think I'm up it. Yeah. Yeah a Muppet of Christopher Plummer even like that would've been fine. I would love that

[31:42] Like and when you say walked on you mean did that kind of like bopping walk that?

[31:47] They hop up and down

[31:49] That would have been now I really want to see an otherwise serious

[31:52] Norwegian serial killer movie where the aging cop on the force is played by is played by Fozzie

[32:00] Love that and when he sees that when he sees a dead body, he just shakes his head sadly goes walk

[32:09] Yeah, anyway, so we go back to the past we learn via walkie-talkie

[32:13] Dubbed in audio that Val Kilmer's been suspended Toby Jones is now the cop in charge of the case

[32:18] but he's considered an idiot and there's a snowman there and

[32:22] All the there's a dead body. That's at the top of a like a ski mountain. That's being eaten by Ravens or crows and

[32:30] Or seagulls, I don't know and Val Kilmer scares them away so that we can see the body

[32:35] Now Katrina the woman cop in the present thinks there's a snow inspired killer on the loose

[32:40] She thinks he kills when it snows does he

[32:44] When is it not snowing in Norway? I don't know man. That's a little bit like there's this serial killer in America

[32:49] He only strikes when people are eating hamburgers. Okay. Thanks, dude

[32:53] It's just a year-round kill spree

[32:56] They call it the we've got this killer

[32:59] He would gladly kill you Tuesday for a hamburger today, where's it Wednesday?

[33:04] I don't remember and then we've got this killer in Barbados

[33:07] He only murders when he hears steel drums playing on the beach. Okay, so all the time then great. Okay

[33:16] Harry Hall spends some time hanging out with Oleg Oleg is clearly troubled

[33:19] He needs a strong male role model in his life, and he wants it to be Harry

[33:22] But Harry has his own problems, but then another woman is reported missing. Uh-oh, but when they go to her home

[33:29] She's apparently they're just killing chickens in her kitchen in a chicken coop. It's just Chloe Savini. Yeah

[33:35] Being like being like, what do you want? I'm just here killing chickens. Yeah

[33:40] she says

[33:42] And me close video course chicken number one queen of the chickens

[33:47] Just call me Camilla

[33:50] speaking of Muppets

[33:52] Anyway, as you are killing chickens, she's there killing chickens and she's like, oh no, I'm not missing

[33:58] I'm me and they leave and then she see she calls her ex and it's like stop sending people to me and then

[34:05] Dude, I'm not missing. Yeah

[34:07] Yeah

[34:07] She finds a creepy baby doll in the room and she does what everyone does stupidly in horror movies

[34:12] Which is when you see a weird creepy thing you move towards it really slowly and look at it really slowly

[34:19] Instead of looking around you to find who put this creepy thing in there and get away from them

[34:24] Yeah, like if I mean normally when I find like a weird totem in a room

[34:30] Previously had no weird totems

[34:34] Hoping that some of the magic would use my body

[34:39] Charlene did you put this totem? Yeah, this this weird child made of mud and hair

[34:46] Charlene did you leave this calling card here?

[34:50] Such as one would at the scene of a crime. No, okay

[34:54] Well, I better investigate it more closely

[34:56] Never using my peripheral vision to see if the room is occupied by anyone other than me

[35:00] Maybe if I turn it over there's like a clue to the next next stage of the mystery. Yeah, I got all your transformation

[35:12] Along with my 20 pieces of gold and my healing potion that I picked up on my way to get the Triforce back together

[35:22] That's some contemporary video game references

[35:25] It's a classic. Okay, it's a classic

[35:28] What am I supposed to talk about Mass Effect or something, I don't know that game

[35:32] Qbert is that what kids like?

[35:35] What are the kids playing these days? What's bonk up to?

[35:41] Kazooie doing

[35:43] That was a great game though. Anyway

[35:46] Here's the problem with banjo-kazooie and I'll just give it to you in a nutshell

[35:49] Sure, what stuff to do every level there were like 20 different things you had to find and I was like banjo-kazooie

[35:56] Can you guys sit down for a moment? Anyway, you're a great team. I love spending time with you banjo

[36:00] You're a fantastic bear kazooie. I love the way you shoot eggs out of your butt at bad guys

[36:04] But here's the thing. I don't want to collect all this stuff that you have me collecting on every level

[36:10] I just want to beat the game. That's a weird way to to deal with you know

[36:14] Unfertilized eggs, you know, like I'm just holding at enemies. Yeah, I

[36:20] Mean when I do that shit people get angry. Oh, I should just eat her young. So yeah, I guess that makes sense

[36:26] But we could eat her young

[36:29] Yummy eggs eggs from chickens chickens being killed by Chloe Savini

[36:34] Who herself is killed right now because as she's investigating that baby doll

[36:37] She is attacked by a mysterious figure with some kind of like grotting wire

[36:42] Gun that that I don't know why that would exist. But maybe that's a book

[36:48] I

[36:49] Think so. I think it I mean it must be some sort of

[36:53] like farm equipment

[36:56] Yeah, like like the the thing and in

[37:01] country for old man, yeah

[37:05] Yeah, otherwise, I don't know why it would exist like a thing that just like uses a wire to cut through stuff

[37:11] I mean, well, why do we have a gun that shoots fire at human beings that exists?

[37:16] Yeah, but this seems like this wouldn't be used in like a war situation. It's not like you're running around trying to get that

[37:22] It's not like it's a fucking flying guillotine or something

[37:27] You're not running around the battlefield trying to lasso Nazis with twine so you can cut their heads off right I guess

[37:33] Yeah, here's the but every killer in the movies and TV has to have like their special way of doing stuff

[37:39] But when you read about serial killers

[37:41] They tend to just kind of kill people the same way everybody else kills people just by stabbing them or strangling them or whatever

[37:47] What is it about the movies guys that demands our serial killers do things in crazy James Bond villain type ways Stewart?

[37:53] I open the floor to you

[37:56] Well, uh, I guess it's to sell more toys, right guys

[38:03] Yeah, I mean I'm I was gonna say I'm more baffled okay Stewart is holding holding for applause I guess

[38:11] uh

[38:13] Yeah, I'm usually more baffled by like the killers that

[38:17] Always need to like taunt the police. Although I guess the Zodiac killer did that so it's yeah

[38:22] They do a lot of those a lot of killers

[38:23] I think they get they get off to what three times once from imagining the kill once from

[38:30] Performing it and once from reliving it and part of talking to the police is reliving the encounter

[38:34] Like you need a witness that you can show off to in a way because that makes it feel more real

[38:38] Anyway, that's why I do it

[38:43] Guys long-term sting operation is finally born fruit guys

[38:47] Can we know can we officially classify this shit as a true crime podcast because those are really popular. Yeah

[38:55] Yeah, they called me that the Park Slope pedant

[38:58] I would kill people around Park Slope and then leave corrections on their bodies

[39:01] Sometimes they used grammar wrong or got a basic fact wrong

[39:05] People in Park Slope Brooklyn were so frightened and afraid of getting anything wrong that they would before anyone said anything

[39:11] They would look it up in the almanacs. They started carrying around with them. Just they wouldn't make themselves vulnerable to the Park Slope pedant

[39:19] Yeah, but anyway, let's go back there is over

[39:23] Yes, here's crazy twist number one that makes no sense

[39:27] The police go back to find Chloe Savini's there. She's fine. And she's like, oh, I'm the twin sister of the woman

[39:34] You were talking to before. Oh, thank you. Here's my

[39:37] But they got I was worried that Chloe Savini was gonna exit this movie too soon

[39:41] Yeah, and they find first Chloe Savini's body being eaten by chickens and her head's been cut off and where's her head been placed on?

[39:48] a snowman

[39:51] This is uh, yeah the ultimate insult

[39:54] The addition of a twin to this movie does not bear fruit at all. No, never

[40:00] and i don't know if it is a good

[40:01] uh...

[40:03] it allows me to live out my ultimate fantasy of one that living close to the

[40:07] end one still can't look at it

[40:12] what i have a little bit

[40:14] if she finds her sister's head and it's still kind of a live

[40:17] and to keep it alive she sticks it on a snowman and does a magic spell

[40:20] and now regular close to the end of this past no man close to me you have to team

[40:24] up to find the killer before she melts

[40:27] and you know how you know that she's uh... twin and not the original because

[40:31] one of them wears makeup and the other does not

[40:34] uh... it's a real patty duke story

[40:36] uh... i guess those were cousins it's a real parent trap

[40:41] identical cousins which happens i guess

[40:46] so

[40:47] then they go to as they go to like a winter sports gala

[40:51] celebrating uh...

[40:52] it's or no it's just promoting

[40:54] as well as a place for the world cup

[40:56] and it's like something out of a batman movie there's like

[40:59] actors in hockey outfits who are like skating around around the gala attendees

[41:05] all the and uh... jk simmons is there

[41:07] and

[41:08] harry hole there it goes there because his boss from the police force are there

[41:12] and he asked him for an investigative team to get on this case because he

[41:14] thinks these cases are connected

[41:16] katrine the lady cop follows jk simmons into a meeting with a creepy guy

[41:20] who is very much like what i imagine the mc from cabaret is like in his off time

[41:25] is like a creepy weird like giggly corrupt decadent man

[41:29] uh... who presents a young woman to jk simmons

[41:31] and then the woman lowers her top

[41:33] and then jk simmons takes a picture of it with his phone and is like get out of

[41:36] here get out of here stop bothering me here

[41:39] that woman will later her face will appear in a window mysteriously and then

[41:43] we will never see her again

[41:46] i guess enjoy that moment guys

[41:49] uh... harry hole goes home

[41:51] he finds that the mold remover who is still working because only one person

[41:56] has been assigned to clear the mold out of this whole building and harry hole's apartment

[41:59] is the worst of them

[42:00] uh... he's dancing to uh...

[42:03] to this song that was playing at the first murder scene

[42:10] it's not

[42:14] popcorn by hot butter

[42:21] did you get it

[42:22] did you get it

[42:24] and they're just whalers it's not just music steve that's a different thing

[42:28] uh... yeah

[42:29] but it was a famous early electronic uh... song

[42:33] this yeah i had i started assuming that it's just the national anthem of norway

[42:37] because i know that type of music is real popular there

[42:40] yeah that's their biggest musical export novelty songs

[42:45] the one moment of

[42:46] the one moment of real joy i had in the movie was hearing that song and being like

[42:49] oh yeah i remember that song

[42:51] it's like the trigger of oh i hadn't thought about that song in a long time

[42:54] it's like in the movie uh...

[42:56] reprise

[42:57] there's a song in it where i was like oh i hadn't heard that song in a long time

[43:01] anyway

[43:02] uh...

[43:04] at the murder scene harry goes like get out of here get out of here to the mold

[43:08] remover

[43:08] and then take some of the medicine

[43:10] that he's been given from his uh...

[43:13] ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and it's kind of implied i guess

[43:16] have we seen the mold remover tampering with the medication i can't remember or

[43:19] not

[43:20] yeah i think he does

[43:21] uh...

[43:23] harry's team goes to work and they find out that

[43:26] the dead woman close veni saw the same creepy doctor

[43:29] who showed jk simmons

[43:30] the topless girl

[43:32] and they go to his house and he is

[43:34] very creepy and evasive and doesn't want to tell them too much about anything

[43:38] uh... and the doctor eventually says you're gonna need a warrant to search my

[43:41] house get out of here

[43:43] you have been too rude to me

[43:44] and this is

[43:45] it's a cultural thing dude

[43:48] and it feels like this is the beginning of either a web of intrigue

[43:50] or a red herring

[43:52] and what it's actually is is the beginning of

[43:55] a plot that never gets resolved they just kind of forget it after a while

[43:59] uh...

[44:00] meanwhile

[44:01] harry hole hacks into the lady cops crime computer case her vocab test

[44:05] machine

[44:06] and she finds out

[44:07] that she's been filming jk simmons uh...

[44:10] and harry hole is so taken with the case and who wouldn't it's so incredibly

[44:14] if filming jk simmons is a crime then lock up most of hollywood you know

[44:19] because who wouldn't want to the man leaps off the screen

[44:23] and you've got to you've really got to hand it to any actor

[44:26] who manages to i call them giamatti's

[44:28] any actor who manages to carve a big place for him in hollywood

[44:31] not being a traditionally beautiful man if you get what i mean

[44:35] not being uh... the handsomest knife in the drawer what are you talking about

[44:39] jk simmons is not usually your idea of what a like

[44:43] hollywood hunk is so he's of that genus that i call actress giamatti

[44:48] which is just like you're such a good actor that it doesn't matter that you are

[44:50] not

[44:51] a handsome man

[44:52] we're still going to make you a movie star

[44:54] i mean that's obvious

[44:55] that's obviously more available to say

[44:58] men

[45:00] my wife gets mad every time she sees john goodman in a movie

[45:05] because she's like

[45:06] there's no way a woman could look like that

[45:08] and be play a character where their weight is never brought up or an issue

[45:12] it seems

[45:13] i've got two words for you margo martindale but that's the only word two

[45:17] words i have because otherwise it doesn't matter

[45:20] and i guess kathy baits i got four words for you

[45:22] kathy margo martindale baits because that's kathy baits nickname margo

[45:26] martindale

[45:28] yeah that

[45:29] you're you're right those are the ones though

[45:31] but on the subject of jk simmons

[45:33] uh... i don't know if you guys were upset about the academy award nominations this

[45:37] year

[45:38] when i saw the best supporting actor category and yet again

[45:41] jk simmons was not nominated for his role as jay jonah jameson

[45:46] in the spiderman movies

[45:47] i mean those are no longer eligible

[45:50] that role was from years ago

[45:52] uh... i don't get it i mean i keep waiting

[45:56] agree to disagree elliot

[46:00] on the rules of the academy okay that's fair

[46:03] we're actually recording this on the day of the academy awards and it hasn't

[46:06] happened yet

[46:07] so should we pretend that we know the winners and we're angry and upset about

[46:10] them or should we not bother

[46:12] i mean yeah of course we can pretend i mean it's not looking right as the

[46:16] podcasters yeah i call it

[46:18] prima nocta the right of the podcaster

[46:22] prima nocturne

[46:23] but uh... or should we wait two weeks and give our lukewarm takes on the

[46:27] winners and losers

[46:29] uh... i mean we should probably wait at the very least until we're done talking

[46:32] about this turd

[46:35] that's a good point

[46:36] okay so uh...

[46:37] so harry holt is so engrossed in the case he forgets to go on a camping trip

[46:40] with oleg

[46:42] instead he's taking a train to uh... i mean can you blame him though like

[46:47] it's so snowy out there why would you want to go out camping in that shit

[46:54] that's a good you make a very good point you gotta poop in an ice hole or

[46:56] something nobody wants to do that

[46:59] yeah a hairy ice hole so

[47:04] how many times do you think ice fishermen get super drunk

[47:07] and as a joke just pooped through the holes of their ice fishing in the

[47:10] like

[47:11] like take a look at this you don't want to know what my hundred percent of the

[47:14] time

[47:17] only a hundred ten percent yet

[47:18] so uh...

[47:19] he he's going to see the man who hired val kilmer low those years ago we learned

[47:23] that val kilmer rafto

[47:25] is dead

[47:26] uh... seemingly of a self-inflicted gunshot

[47:28] and uh...

[47:30] he and a harry holt runs into mathias

[47:33] ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend on the train

[47:35] and that i seem like he's really got it together and he covers for harry holt

[47:39] saying uh... all harry called me and said he was able to

[47:42] do uh... he called me yesterday and said he couldn't take all that i forgot that's

[47:45] on me

[47:46] he seems

[47:47] he seems like a pretty good dude

[47:49] now he seems like a great guy he's like i mean sweet really nice i feel like the

[47:53] movie introduced mathias mainly to show that like

[47:56] not all new boyfriends

[47:59] are the bad guy

[48:01] maybe if harry got his shit together he could be like

[48:05] uh... is that the one with mill gibson in it?

[48:09] that's the second one more daddies more stuff so you're saying

[48:11] stewart he's supposed to be like

[48:13] he's supposed to be like a figure that that harry holt should look at for

[48:16] inspiration

[48:17] to be a better man

[48:18] why couldn't he be more like mathias

[48:21] well we'll see how the movie plays out

[48:23] because right now

[48:24] up till now we think that about mathias you can't find a better man than mathias

[48:29] so

[48:32] i did that just to irritate stewart

[48:33] uh... but he also the fact that mathias has the kind of like

[48:37] cold dead stare of a jared kushner shouldn't worry us right now

[48:41] we should just think he's just like a good dude

[48:43] who could totally handle the mid east peace process and is not using his

[48:46] office to make money for his

[48:47] failing family real estate company

[48:51] anyway val kilmer is looking more and more like donald trump i just want to say that

[48:55] especially in these flashbacks

[48:56] and uh... i kept thinking take it easy on him dude he's going through a fucking sickness

[49:03] i'm sorry i'm sorry

[49:04] uh... we flashback to val kilmer getting a note from the snow killer

[49:07] during toby jones' birthday party at the office and val kilmer

[49:12] storms out

[49:14] now go back to the present and harry holt shows uh... toby jones who's now

[49:19] has aged

[49:20] barely at all in the intervening years

[49:22] shows him a picture of val kilmer with his own head blown off

[49:25] that he just carries around with him

[49:27] uh... and we learn that

[49:29] harry holt that uh...

[49:31] val kilmer's character rafto had a daughter

[49:33] who's that daughter

[49:35] i think you can figure it out it's harry holt's lady cop and harry holt figures

[49:38] that out by

[49:39] going to rafto's

[49:41] fishing shack where he was killed

[49:43] and where nothing has been touched since then and all of his mementos of his

[49:46] daughter are still around

[49:48] and we learn that like uh...

[49:49] her password on her computer was cloudberry right and that's what

[49:53] her father called her for some reason that i don't remember what it is

[49:57] and

[49:58] and we

[49:59] yeah this is

[50:00] It's when there's like a flashback of his dead body and then somebody puts a snowman head on it.

[50:08] Yeah.

[50:09] That happened, right?

[50:10] Yeah.

[50:11] Can you see a flashback?

[50:12] It looked super CGI'd, right?

[50:16] Oh, yeah.

[50:17] It wasn't the only one.

[50:18] No, a very fakie CGI shot.

[50:20] It's not that hard to make a snowman head, right?

[50:22] Yeah, but it does...

[50:24] I do think it's...

[50:25] This is the part where, like, of all the things...

[50:28] Come on, it's just snow and stuff stuck in it.

[50:31] I mean, everything in this movie...

[50:33] Maybe they couldn't get a real carrot in time, so they had to CGI it in.

[50:37] Everything in this movie is ridiculous and everything doesn't make any sense.

[50:41] And, like, the idea of a guy who, like, spends the time as a killer to make a snowman every time is ridiculous.

[50:47] But what was most ridiculous to me was the idea that he could actually balance the snowman head on top of Val Kilmer's neck.

[50:56] And treat his neck as if it's, like, a tree stump.

[50:58] Like, it's just a super strong thing.

[51:00] Even a regular person's neck would kind of move around and wiggle a little bit, let alone a blown-off head person's neck.

[51:05] Yeah, there's a very fakie CGI shot of Val Kilmer's head being blown off and then a snowman head being placed on it.

[51:12] Like, placed gingerly on top.

[51:14] Like, it looks...

[51:15] It looks when you're, like, stacking barrels or crates in a video game and you're, like...

[51:20] For some...

[51:21] The laws of physics would indicate that that would normally fall over, but, you know, whatever.

[51:25] For a moment, I was like, is this now the origin story of the old Jack in the Box mascot that, like, snowman-headed clown?

[51:32] Is that what I'm watching right now?

[51:34] Sorry, guys. I've been in the West Coast too long. I'm making Jack in the Box jokes.

[51:37] Sorry, guys.

[51:38] Is that, like, a...

[51:40] Is that a hamburger place?

[51:41] Is that a hamburger restaurant?

[51:42] It's a local fast food restaurant chain.

[51:44] You may remember it from when we were kids.

[51:46] There was an E. coli problem there.

[51:48] And some people got sick eating there.

[51:51] And for years, that's all I knew about Jack in the Box was that they had a sickness problem so bad that jokes about it were made on Saturday Night Live.

[52:00] And now I'm here and they're everywhere.

[52:01] There's Jack in the Boxes all over the place.

[52:03] And it was funny for us because it was happening in someone else's backyard.

[52:07] So we were able to be like...

[52:08] Oh, exactly.

[52:09] We're not suffering, so we don't care.

[52:12] Were you about to ask me to wish them into the cornfield, Elliot?

[52:15] That's exactly what I was going to do, Dan.

[52:17] I was going to ask you to wish that Jack in the Box into the cornfield.

[52:20] If I had that power, Elliot, boy, things would be different.

[52:26] It seems kind of threatening when you say it like that.

[52:28] Yeah.

[52:29] It'd be a good life for me.

[52:31] Yeah.

[52:32] And growing up in Illinois, I guess you just had to manually place things in the cornfield.

[52:36] That's right.

[52:39] Yeah, when I wanted to extend my evil power, I would just go out and I would drive and I would put her in the cornfield.

[52:45] Like, what are you doing?

[52:46] I'm like, I'm putting you in the cornfield.

[52:48] Yep.

[52:49] Like, okay, I'll just follow one of these rows of corn until I get out, but I guess thanks.

[52:55] Why are you putting me in this cornfield with sports equipment, mirrors, books you don't like?

[53:03] All this half-finished poetry that's addressed to someone named Donna in a chemistry class.

[53:08] I don't...

[53:09] What is all this?

[53:10] A collection of different brass instruments.

[53:13] All this used-up pornography about butts.

[53:18] It's used up.

[53:19] There's no more use left in it.

[53:21] No.

[53:24] Everyone knows that's the way masturbation works.

[53:27] Yeah, if you were to touch it, it would just disintegrate.

[53:30] Yeah, it's like a toothpaste tube.

[53:32] You can't put it back in.

[53:34] It can't happen.

[53:36] So anyway, I guess masturbation is like a toothpaste tube.

[53:38] You cannot put it back in.

[53:39] You cannot put it back in.

[53:41] I mean, the Lord knows I've tried.

[53:44] Like, Mother, get me the bellows.

[53:51] Okay, we're about to get pretty much to the climaxes of the movie.

[53:55] There's some complicated nonsense with tracking phone signals and a phone set up somewhere as a trap that I could not follow and did not care to.

[54:03] But it leads Katrine, the lady cop, to a setup like her dad's, someone who's had their head blown off.

[54:08] It's the creepy doctor from earlier.

[54:11] He's been set up to look like he killed those two missing women and then blew his own head off.

[54:15] Lady cop is suspended for, I guess, not following orders and just running off on her own.

[54:20] Procedure, Mariam.

[54:21] For what?

[54:22] Yeah, she's not following procedures.

[54:24] Yeah, yeah, not following procedure.

[54:26] And Oleg runs away but gets found incredibly quickly.

[54:31] Harry Hole confronts the lady cop by lying on top of her, which is not okay.

[54:35] No.

[54:36] That's not like…

[54:37] It made me very uncomfortable.

[54:38] I forgot about that.

[54:39] I didn't like it at all.

[54:40] It was like this is the only way I can incapacitate you long enough so we can have a conversation.

[54:44] I'm going to lay my enormous body on top of you because I'm Michael Fassbender, a huge man, and you're just going to have to deal with it.

[54:51] I did not like that.

[54:53] They argue.

[54:54] She tries to give him a drink, and he refuses because he's an alcoholic.

[54:57] She's tempting him, and he takes her off the case.

[55:00] She's gotten too close.

[55:01] Meanwhile, hey, they announced Oslo is going to get the World Cup.

[55:05] Yay!

[55:06] Everyone's celebrating at J.K. Simmons' nonstop rich man party.

[55:12] Another side plot that is baffling as to why it's included in this movie.

[55:17] I mean you've got to get people to feel good before you make them feel so bad.

[55:21] I guess the same people who funded United Passions funded this or something.

[55:25] FIFA, they're called?

[55:27] Yeah.

[55:28] So yeah, Katrine infiltrates the party so she can go undercover and find out if J.K. Simmons is actually a bad guy.

[55:35] Yeah, which of course he is.

[55:37] That's when he snaps a pic.

[55:39] He snaps a pic with flash, right?

[55:42] Like what the fuck?

[55:43] Yeah, with flash because he's an old man.

[55:45] He doesn't know how to use his camera.

[55:47] What's great is he walks away from her, and then his flunky comes over with a room key and is like,

[55:52] if you'd like to talk to Mr. J.K. Simmons after the show.

[55:55] And he's standing five feet away just like...

[55:58] Just like waving at her like, yoo-hoo!

[56:01] It's like, very subtle, J.K.

[56:04] At least get out of the room before you send your guy over with the hotel key.

[56:09] But she goes up there.

[56:11] She goes to the hotel.

[56:12] Oh, and then we cut to Harry Hole's ex-girlfriend shows up at his place.

[56:16] She wants him badly, dry humps him for a while, and then just leaves him there like a pile of dead wood.

[56:21] And the thing about Harry Hole is that, like, this guy's like a fall-down drunk.

[56:26] Even if he's off for a little bit, the movie never shows him showering,

[56:30] so I can only assume that he stinks like piss and fucking alcohol sweat.

[56:35] Like, he's gross, but he is Michael Fassbender, which is pretty dreamy.

[56:39] So, you know, maybe Charlotte Gainsbourg's character doesn't have a sense of smell.

[56:45] Oh, yeah, I think that's in the stuff that got cut out of the movie.

[56:48] She doesn't have a sense of smell.

[56:49] Or maybe she loves how he smells like lutefisk or something.

[56:53] Like, she loves that he smells like fermented shark or whatever it is they eat in Norway.

[56:57] And so she's like, oh, this is delicious.

[56:59] Or maybe she's like the bad guy in that James Bond movie where she has a bullet lodged in her brain

[57:04] and it kind of rewired how her brain thinks, and things that smell gross actually smell delicious.

[57:10] Oh, yeah.

[57:11] Is that the James Bond movie with my favorite bad James Bond line,

[57:15] welcome to my nuclear family, because he's got a nuclear weapon?

[57:19] I don't remember that one.

[57:21] And it's like, dude, we're not your family.

[57:23] Like, what are you talking about?

[57:24] That doesn't make any sense.

[57:26] That's the one where Sophie Merceau is the bad guy, and she has those, like, giant earrings,

[57:31] and it's revealed that she wears giant earrings because she's, like, missing most of her ear.

[57:35] And you're like, ah, I get why you're a bad guy now.

[57:38] You had no other choices left to you in life.

[57:42] No one would hire someone with weird ears.

[57:45] That's why you don't see Ferengi just working at jobs all over the place.

[57:48] That's the only reason.

[57:50] I thought you were saying it was like Lex Luthor, like when he lost his hair, he had to become a bad guy.

[57:55] It's just like when you lose part of your body.

[57:57] It's, like, just natural.

[57:59] I thought Lex Luthor lost all his hair because he spent three years training to be the greatest superhero ever for fun,

[58:05] and it just fell out because he trained so hard.

[58:08] Sorry, that's a One Punch Man reference.

[58:10] Oh, OK.

[58:12] OK, anyway, Lady Cop goes up to J.K. Simmons's room and sets up her video evidence box to catch video of, I assume,

[58:21] herself having sex with J.K. Simmons so she can post it online and invade his privacy with Revenge Bourne or something.

[58:28] And then she's attacked, oh, no, by the guy with that killer string gun, and Oslo gets the cup.

[58:35] OK, everybody, we did it.

[58:37] The bad guy kills the Lady Cop.

[58:39] Uh-oh, she's dead.

[58:40] Cuts off some of her fingers and uses the fingerprints to delete her files.

[58:44] Now, clearly there's some connection between this killer and J.K. Simmons.

[58:49] It's hopefully going to work.

[58:50] Lord knows I don't know what it is.

[58:51] It'll play out over the course of the movie.

[58:54] Yeah, like, that's a question I still have.

[58:57] But Harry looks out his window and sees not a full snowman but kind of like a two-dimensional trompe l'oeil effect snowman

[59:04] on the top of the Lady Cop's car, goes and looks inside.

[59:08] She's dead, missing her fingers in the car.

[59:10] So at the same time as she is being killed, or no, she already found the dead body, right?

[59:17] He was doing something while she was dying, right?

[59:19] Harry Hole?

[59:20] Yeah.

[59:21] Yeah, he was with Charlotte Gainsborough.

[59:23] Oh, right.

[59:25] But then she gets called by her ex-boyfriend, by her, by Mathias, and she finds the pills that Mathias gave Harry.

[59:32] So Mathias calls her and it's like he's calling her to, what, check where Harry is?

[59:38] Like, I don't, anyway, they find some evidence that someone, some dead woman's husband was lying about the doctor that he saw,

[59:47] that he knew something that he didn't know.

[59:49] Who knows?

[59:50] It turns out they saw a hormone specialist.

[59:52] They didn't see the creepy doctor whose head got blown off.

[59:55] It turns out, of course, Mathias is the killer.

[1:00:00] He was the team from earlier.

[1:00:03] He seems so nice, and he's so eager to help.

[1:00:05] And there's no reason up till now

[1:00:07] that we've had to believe that he has some kind of string gun

[1:00:10] that he uses to cut people's heads off.

[1:00:12] He hasn't even shown any interest in snowmen.

[1:00:14] What's that all about?

[1:00:15] So I guess what we're supposed to believe,

[1:00:20] this convoluted motive that he has,

[1:00:23] is that he's mad at women who have

[1:00:27] illegitimate children.

[1:00:30] Or who have abortions.

[1:00:34] Is that?

[1:00:36] Women who don't want their children.

[1:00:38] Women who don't want their children.

[1:00:39] At one point, they talk about that a bunch

[1:00:41] of previous women who disappeared similarly

[1:00:43] were women who had all gone to the same abortion clinic.

[1:00:46] Okay.

[1:00:47] Yeah, so, and the reason why he's also targeting Harry

[1:00:52] is that Harry has this illegitimate child in Oleg

[1:00:58] and I, but I guess it doesn't,

[1:01:00] but it doesn't really fit the MO otherwise

[1:01:02] because like, she does want that child.

[1:01:04] So I'm not really sure.

[1:01:05] Well, but also, but like Harry reminds him of his dad.

[1:01:09] Does she really want Oleg?

[1:01:11] Okay, I mean, as Elliot said, before Oleg gives a drips.

[1:01:15] Yeah, it is like, no one shows that much care about Oleg.

[1:01:18] Like Oleg disappears and they're like,

[1:01:20] oh, he's at a friend's house.

[1:01:21] And then later in the movie, they're like,

[1:01:22] he's at a different friend's house now.

[1:01:24] Like, they just, they don't really care.

[1:01:26] But Matthias kidnaps Oleg, kidnaps Oleg's mom

[1:01:30] and takes them to his little grass shack out in Norway

[1:01:34] where he was raised as a kid.

[1:01:36] And we find out he was the teen from earlier

[1:01:39] and the guy who was his father, but wouldn't own up to him

[1:01:42] was the head of the police or something

[1:01:44] who was investigating that some stuff, I don't know.

[1:01:48] Like the,

[1:01:49] Here's one problem I have with this ending by the way

[1:01:52] is I feel like it has single problem.

[1:01:55] I feel like it has a bit of Raiders of the Lost Ark syndrome

[1:02:00] wherein like if the hero hadn't done anything,

[1:02:04] basically everything would happen the same way

[1:02:06] because Harry doesn't really solve the crimes.

[1:02:09] I mean, he sort of does like,

[1:02:11] but mostly it's just like at the end,

[1:02:15] Matthias kidnaps the people he loves,

[1:02:17] which he would have done anyway.

[1:02:18] And then Harry would have found out

[1:02:20] who the killer was through that.

[1:02:22] And maybe he wouldn't have gotten his fingers sawed off

[1:02:27] by a wire gun.

[1:02:30] Oh yeah, that happens later.

[1:02:32] But it's also like there's,

[1:02:33] he has this game of cat and mouse with Harry

[1:02:35] and it's, yeah, it's never,

[1:02:37] it's not really clear why he gives,

[1:02:38] he wants Harry to admit that Harry is selfish

[1:02:41] and not a good dad and why he cares about that

[1:02:44] or gives a shit is not clear.

[1:02:45] Why he went after Val Kilmer,

[1:02:47] who it seems loved his daughter when he was alive.

[1:02:52] That's not super clear.

[1:02:54] It's really messy and mushy,

[1:02:56] but it feels like in seven where they're like,

[1:02:58] well, we ran out of leads

[1:03:00] and the killer just shows up at the police department

[1:03:02] and is like, let's hurry up with the end game, shall we?

[1:03:05] Because I cannot wait around killing people anymore.

[1:03:07] I'm out of sins.

[1:03:09] I need you to pick up the pace guys and catch me

[1:03:12] so I can trick you into being the last one.

[1:03:14] Can we do this guys?

[1:03:15] Can we do this?

[1:03:16] There's 10 minutes left in this episode.

[1:03:19] You're gonna have,

[1:03:19] we have to wrap this up

[1:03:21] because next episode is a different mystery.

[1:03:23] Yeah.

[1:03:24] Yeah, exactly.

[1:03:25] Let's just assume Tate Donovan is the one who did it.

[1:03:30] It's like if there's an episode of the X-Files

[1:03:33] where they're investigating

[1:03:34] and then 10 minutes for the ending,

[1:03:35] an alien shows up and is like, you got me guys.

[1:03:38] Take me to the interrogation room.

[1:03:40] I'll explain the conspiracy to you.

[1:03:41] Meet Morp.

[1:03:42] This is how it works out.

[1:03:44] He said meet Morp because he's an alien,

[1:03:46] because that's alienese.

[1:03:47] Meet Morp, yep.

[1:03:48] Anyway, there's a big fight.

[1:03:50] Mathias is threatening.

[1:03:52] I think big fight is being generous.

[1:03:54] Okay, well there's a little bit of slapping around.

[1:03:57] He asks Hole why he left his family

[1:03:59] and Hole admits that he's selfish.

[1:04:00] They fight, Hole gets his finger hurt

[1:04:02] and gets stabbed in the leg with a fork.

[1:04:03] Then Mathias, having gained the upper hand, runs away.

[1:04:09] Hole runs after him and he runs away

[1:04:12] because the final denouement has to take place

[1:04:15] on the thin ice.

[1:04:16] He shoots Harry Hole

[1:04:18] and then I guess God takes pity on everyone in the world,

[1:04:21] including the viewer and the ice breaks

[1:04:23] and Mathias falls through and dies.

[1:04:26] I'm offended that the killer,

[1:04:29] when he has Harry dead to rights,

[1:04:31] he doesn't say, now you're in a Harry situation.

[1:04:36] Or like, hey Harry, here's another Hole

[1:04:38] and then shoots him.

[1:04:39] Yeah, see?

[1:04:41] And then when he falls in a Hole in the ice,

[1:04:43] Harry doesn't say, that was Harry's Hole.

[1:04:49] Or what, ice to see you or something like that?

[1:04:52] But I like the idea that...

[1:04:53] See you later, ice Hole.

[1:04:55] In a better story, Harry would have had a moment

[1:04:59] where he's like, that was your mistake all along.

[1:05:01] See, Holes are part of me.

[1:05:05] I have a connection to Holes

[1:05:07] and I can call on them when I need them.

[1:05:10] Like a Looney Tunes character.

[1:05:13] And so a literal deus ex machina

[1:05:17] ends the movie and saves the day

[1:05:19] because it's like, Harry Hole just got shot

[1:05:21] and fell on the ice.

[1:05:22] Why didn't he crack through?

[1:05:24] And it's not like Harry outwitted Mathias.

[1:05:27] He has a kinship with Holes.

[1:05:30] He's like, hey, guess what my favorite movie is?

[1:05:33] Holes.

[1:05:34] Guess what my favorite book is?

[1:05:36] Holes, the basis of the movie Holes.

[1:05:38] His favorite band?

[1:05:40] Smashing Pumpkins.

[1:05:41] God damn it, dude.

[1:05:45] So it's because smashing something

[1:05:47] is making the ultimate hole.

[1:05:49] It's a hole the size of the object.

[1:05:51] Yeah, it's like a hole in the universe.

[1:05:53] Yeah, he does like the band Hole though.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:57] So he, yeah, and that's, and Harry goes back to work.

[1:05:59] End of the movie.

[1:06:01] That's it.

[1:06:01] The movie ends up taking a new case.

[1:06:04] Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

[1:06:06] And that whimper is me being like, but wait a minute.

[1:06:09] So he just falls through the ice?

[1:06:11] Like, Harry didn't even have to chase after him.

[1:06:14] Like, I don't know.

[1:06:16] Case closed.

[1:06:17] Yeah.

[1:06:18] Diplomatic immunity revoked.

[1:06:19] Yeah.

[1:06:20] Thus ends the case of the string gun

[1:06:24] killing hormone specialist, aka the snowman.

[1:06:28] Only Harry could have solved it, man.

[1:06:30] He's the best.

[1:06:31] That's quite a body count, man.

[1:06:33] It's a pretty big body count.

[1:06:34] I feel like, obviously, the Scandinavian thrillers

[1:06:40] have a tendency to overestimate the amount of people

[1:06:42] being ritualistically murdered in these countries.

[1:06:46] Yeah, or any country.

[1:06:47] It was like, we've been watching a lot of elementary

[1:06:50] and I'm always like, I don't remember New York's murder rate

[1:06:53] being high enough to justify like six people

[1:06:56] being killed by mushroom poison.

[1:06:59] Well, it's a little bit like the whole,

[1:07:02] it feels like one of the purposes

[1:07:04] of Scandinavian crime fiction is to be like,

[1:07:07] oh, this place that doesn't seem to have a lot of crime,

[1:07:10] here's some kind of dark underbelly thing

[1:07:12] and it seems weird because it's in this place

[1:07:14] where there's not a lot of crime,

[1:07:15] but there's so much of it now that it's like,

[1:07:17] oh, okay, so that's the murder capital of the world,

[1:07:19] I guess, that's the moral way in Scandinavia.

[1:07:21] The same way that the whole point of the movie Fargo

[1:07:24] is here's this bloody crime in a place not known for crime,

[1:07:28] but because of the TV show Fargo,

[1:07:29] you're like, oh, this is crime's capital.

[1:07:31] This is crime city.

[1:07:32] Yeah, and I mean, from the books,

[1:07:34] at least half of the time in the books,

[1:07:37] Harry Hole is tracking down a serial killer

[1:07:39] and they like bring him in because he's like,

[1:07:41] at this point, Norway's expert on serial killers,

[1:07:43] but it really feels like they're just,

[1:07:46] it's like fucking Miami and Dexter,

[1:07:48] the number of killers there are in these books.

[1:07:51] There's that scene in episode Dexter

[1:07:54] where they find all the garbage bags

[1:07:56] he's thrown in the ocean with the bodies of his victims

[1:07:59] and you're like, wait a minute,

[1:08:00] so he's killed like a thousand serial killers.

[1:08:02] What is the serial killer per capita number in Miami?

[1:08:05] Like, this is nuts.

[1:08:06] You would think that the mayor would be like,

[1:08:08] we're losing one of our greatest homegrown industries,

[1:08:11] serial killing.

[1:08:12] We gotta figure out how to prop it up.

[1:08:13] We need subsidies for serial killers.

[1:08:15] Like, this is a folk thing here.

[1:08:17] If he wasn't killing all those people,

[1:08:19] think about like, I feel like Miami would have

[1:08:21] a like a starvation issue

[1:08:23] with just overpopulation of people.

[1:08:26] Yeah, you can't have that many alpha predators.

[1:08:28] There's not enough prey.

[1:08:30] But at least something like Hannibal

[1:08:33] kind of understands the like ridiculousness

[1:08:36] of the volume of serial killers and like ritual murders

[1:08:40] and portrays it in a like crazy grand guignol opera type.

[1:08:45] Yeah, well Hannibal might as well be like John Wick 2

[1:08:47] with like where everyone's a killer.

[1:08:50] Yeah, it's more fun.

[1:08:54] But let's do final judgments

[1:08:56] whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie

[1:08:58] or a movie we kind of liked.

[1:08:59] Elliot, what's your opinion on this?

[1:09:01] Well, obviously there's one front runner

[1:09:03] for best picture later today at the Oscars

[1:09:05] and it's The Snowman.

[1:09:08] This was a bad, bad movie.

[1:09:09] I found it so boring.

[1:09:10] If you had to nominate this movie for one category.

[1:09:16] What, for the Oscars?

[1:09:17] Yeah, yeah.

[1:09:18] If this movie, one nomination had to come out of this movie,

[1:09:21] what would you give it?

[1:09:23] I guess I'd nominate the score

[1:09:25] just as more of a lifetime achievement thing for Beltrami.

[1:09:29] The fucking score for three billboards can get nominated.

[1:09:32] I mean, this deserves it too.

[1:09:35] But it felt like a movie that,

[1:09:38] it reminded me a lot of all those James Patterson movies

[1:09:41] that came out a number of years ago with like Morgan Freeman

[1:09:44] where it was like, okay, this is so by the numbers

[1:09:47] and bland, why did they bother making a movie out of it?

[1:09:50] Except it's like one of those movies

[1:09:51] where they just randomly started removing scenes

[1:09:53] at the last minute.

[1:09:54] So it's like, wait, why was this character in it?

[1:09:57] What was that about?

[1:09:59] Like, the way that.

[1:10:00] You know what? It would have been a better movie if they removed more scenes.

[1:10:04] And then it would become more of like a David Lynch type thing where you're like,

[1:10:07] I don't know what's happening. It's so surreal and dreamlike.

[1:10:10] But instead it was like – it felt a little bit like when you're trying to fall asleep

[1:10:15] and someone keeps poking you and waking you up, like that kind of dream where you're like,

[1:10:19] my dream can't get started. Like I'm not – there's no – I can't figure it out.

[1:10:23] Stop it. Stop doing that. I'm just irritated now.

[1:10:25] I was watching this movie last night and I was a couple beers deep and –

[1:10:29] Three beer boards deep.

[1:10:32] It was a rough watch. Yeah, I would say this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:10:38] I'm a big – I don't know if I'm in the minority of this, but I'm a big defender of the David Fincher,

[1:10:45] Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

[1:10:47] Yeah, me too.

[1:10:49] And the part of what I loved about it is how it felt like it –

[1:10:52] it felt like it made effort to create a feeling and a place and it –

[1:10:57] I don't know how accurate it is to actual Sweden. That's in Sweden, right?

[1:11:02] But this felt so neutered and strange and it didn't – I don't know.

[1:11:09] It didn't feel like it fit the setting.

[1:11:13] Yeah.

[1:11:14] And of course nothing made sense and I didn't really have any understanding of any of the characters.

[1:11:19] Guys, I had a weird reaction to this movie because –

[1:11:23] You broke out in a rash? Like what?

[1:11:26] Well, I don't think it's a good, bad movie.

[1:11:29] I don't think it's a good movie by any means, but I kind of enjoyed it.

[1:11:34] Explain. You've been very quiet about that up to this point.

[1:11:37] You've let us slide you like crazy.

[1:11:39] It's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous movie.

[1:11:41] It does not make any sense.

[1:11:43] The logic of it doesn't make any sense.

[1:11:45] The mystery doesn't make any sense.

[1:11:47] I think I liked it for the same reason that you were talking about, Elliot,

[1:11:50] that it brought to mind like semi-shitty thrillers of the 90s.

[1:11:56] And I think it might be pure nostalgia that I enjoyed the atmospherics of it.

[1:12:01] I enjoyed the feel of it and even though like nothing in it made sense,

[1:12:07] it kind of brought back memories of mindless entertainment of yesteryear that I have a weird fondness for.

[1:12:14] Is that because Val Kilmer was in it?

[1:12:16] Could be. I mean, it doesn't hurt.

[1:12:19] It's always nice to see Val Kilmer show up in the thing even though his performances have gotten weirder and weirder over the years.

[1:12:27] Well, that's what I like about it.

[1:12:29] I wish that there had been more Val Kilmer in it.

[1:12:31] It felt like if Val Kilmer was recovering from a major illness, that makes sense.

[1:12:35] But he felt very like, like many things in the movie, it was like subdued to the point of why is this here?

[1:12:41] Like why is this in the movie?

[1:12:44] Well, to each their own, right?

[1:12:47] That's the lesson we learned from the Flophouse.

[1:12:49] That's the tagline of the podcast.

[1:12:51] To each their own.

[1:12:52] Yeah, that's our motto when translated into Latin on the Flophouse coat of arms.

[1:13:02] My name is Rachel and I love the Flophouse.

[1:13:04] I'm Jeff and I love Pop Rocks.

[1:13:06] I would recommend the Flophouse as a great way to spend some time with three funny guys.

[1:13:13] I would say it's intelligent and diverse pop culture commentary.

[1:13:17] I realized at some point that I get so many hours of enjoyment out of Max Fund shows that it was criminal that I wasn't paying anyone any money for it.

[1:13:28] I see Jesse on social media talking about how he just wants to be better friends with Guy Branum and I relate to it so hard.

[1:13:35] These are listeners just like you and they support the Flophouse and Pop Rocket with a Max Fund membership.

[1:13:42] The 2018 Max Fund drive is April 2nd through 13th and if you want to support your favorite shows too, it's the best time to sign up or upgrade your membership.

[1:13:51] Just tune in starting April 2nd and we'll give you all the details.

[1:13:55] Now back to the show.

[1:14:00] Hey guys, this is Adam Conover.

[1:14:01] You may know me from my true TV show, Adam Ruins Everything.

[1:14:04] Well, guess what?

[1:14:05] Now we're doing a podcast version right here on Maximum Fun.

[1:14:08] What we do is we take all the interesting, fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show and we sit with them for an entire podcast.

[1:14:15] Really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work.

[1:14:19] Find Adam Ruins Everything wherever you get your podcasts or at MaximumFun.org.

[1:14:25] We've got only one sponsor this week.

[1:14:27] Okay.

[1:14:28] And it's Blue Apron.

[1:14:29] Oh, yummy.

[1:14:30] Blue Apron partners with sustainable farms, fisheries, and ranchers to bring you all the ingredients you need to create incredible home-cooked meals.

[1:14:39] Ingredients come paired with an easy-to-follow recipe card delivered to your door weekly in a refrigerated box.

[1:14:45] Rediscover how fun cooking can be.

[1:14:47] Wait a minute.

[1:14:48] Wait a minute.

[1:14:49] The kind of box you might put a snowman in?

[1:14:52] That's right.

[1:14:53] Mr. Blue Apron gave you all the clues.

[1:14:56] I gave you all the ingredients, Mr. Police.

[1:15:01] Yeah, they should put that meme out.

[1:15:04] I mean, it's a little late now.

[1:15:07] People would be like, all right, Blue Apron, you're a little dated.

[1:15:10] Yeah, I mean, they should do that and then next week they'll do like a Mordecai meme.

[1:15:14] Yeah.

[1:15:17] You can rediscover how fun cooking can be while enjoying specialty ingredients and exploring new flavors and cuisines.

[1:15:24] Get $30 off your first order by visiting BlueApron.com slash Flophouse.

[1:15:30] Is there a…

[1:15:31] BlueApron.com slash Flophouse?

[1:15:33] BlueApron.com slash Flophouse.

[1:15:36] So when they do that snowman joke on their box, maybe they can sneak in like a fermented shark with peanut crust on it or some shit.

[1:15:44] Oh, yeah, delicious.

[1:15:45] Traditional Norwegian meal.

[1:15:46] The classic meal of Norway.

[1:15:49] We do not have any…

[1:15:52] What?

[1:15:53] We do not have any Jumbotrons this year.

[1:15:56] This year?

[1:15:57] This year.

[1:15:58] Wow.

[1:15:59] OK, already we ran out.

[1:16:00] OK.

[1:16:01] We're less popular than we thought.

[1:16:02] Do we want to like do a birthday wish for me?

[1:16:05] I mean, it was a couple of days ago.

[1:16:08] Oh, yeah.

[1:16:09] So this Jumbotron is for Stuart from Dan and Elliot.

[1:16:13] And it says…

[1:16:14] Oh, both of you?

[1:16:15] OK.

[1:16:16] You could have done your own, but that's fine.

[1:16:18] We wanted to split the cost.

[1:16:20] We didn't want to cost so much.

[1:16:21] That's what I was implying.

[1:16:22] Hey, Stu.

[1:16:23] Happy birthday from your favorite podcast co-hosts.

[1:16:26] We thought what better present than to have the co-hosts of your favorite podcast wish you a happy birthday.

[1:16:32] Anyway, I hope you enjoyed lots of ding-dong ripping off and also messing with the head and then being dead and also perhaps video games.

[1:16:42] Love, your friends at the podcast.

[1:16:45] Oh, wow.

[1:16:46] You know, I never thought it would happen to me.

[1:16:49] Long time listener.

[1:16:51] First time writer.

[1:16:55] Yeah, that was great.

[1:16:56] Thanks, guys.

[1:16:57] What a gift.

[1:16:59] No, but we don't have any Jumbotrons, but we should promote ourselves.

[1:17:04] We've got some live shows coming up.

[1:17:06] What?

[1:17:07] We're getting a band back together to appear before human beings on stages into places that are not your apartment?

[1:17:13] That's right.

[1:17:15] On the 26th of May, we're doing a show.

[1:17:19] That's a Saturday.

[1:17:20] That's a Saturday.

[1:17:21] We're doing a show in D.C. at the 6th and I Historic Synagogue.

[1:17:27] That's right, everybody.

[1:17:28] I'm going to be schooling Dan and Stuart on stage about the faith of my father's Judaism in a synagogue, and it's going to be pretty amazing.

[1:17:36] I think a couple of Dibbicks might show up, maybe King Solomon himself.

[1:17:41] And a golem will show up and I'll have to, you know, give him the one ring.

[1:17:46] But it'll also be a normal kind of golem.

[1:17:49] But it'll also be a normal flop house show.

[1:17:52] It won't all be Judaism.

[1:17:54] It's our triumphant return to Washington, D.C.

[1:17:57] Last time we performed in kind of a bar club.

[1:17:59] This time we're performing in a synagogue.

[1:18:01] We're going to perform in every type of communal meeting place in Washington, D.C., eventually.

[1:18:06] And eventually we'll perform on the floor of the House of Representatives.

[1:18:10] Okay.

[1:18:11] And also in June, on June the 30th, that's also a Saturday, we're performing in Seattle at the Neptune Theater.

[1:18:19] Now, I've never been to Seattle.

[1:18:21] I'm really excited about it.

[1:18:22] I've never been there before.

[1:18:23] Yeah.

[1:18:24] This is our first Pacific Northwest show.

[1:18:26] Guys, I think I hear the blues calling.

[1:18:30] Something about tossed salads, scrambled eggs.

[1:18:35] Could only be Seattle.

[1:18:37] If you want to get tickets to these shows, you can go to FlophousePodcast.com and click on the events tag.

[1:18:44] Well, there will be links to these tickets.

[1:18:47] Or just go to FlophousePodcast.com slash events.

[1:18:51] Yeah.

[1:18:52] Or you could just go to the – you could probably go to the menu pages too.

[1:18:55] Just go to your fucking web browser.

[1:18:56] Type in Flophouse Seattle question mark.

[1:19:03] So those events are on sale right now.

[1:19:04] I do want to mention too, on sale soon but not as of right this moment, there's a June 7th live show here in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

[1:19:14] Wow.

[1:19:15] First announcement.

[1:19:16] Yeah.

[1:19:17] Our old stomping grounds.

[1:19:19] And that's the live show's announcement.

[1:19:23] So let's just go through them real quick laundry list style.

[1:19:25] May 26th in Washington, D.C., your chance to see the Flophouse in our nation's capital.

[1:19:31] Maybe we'll even get a little bit political.

[1:19:33] Who knows what senators might show up.

[1:19:35] Then June 7th we'll be in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

[1:19:38] And June 30th we'll be in Seattle.

[1:19:41] Our first Pacific Northwest show.

[1:19:43] Maybe we'll catch a Sasquatch.

[1:19:45] Who knows.

[1:19:46] Anyway, that's the Flophouse.

[1:19:47] Check them out.

[1:19:48] May 26th, it'll be D.C.

[1:19:50] June 7th, Brooklyn.

[1:19:51] June 30th, Seattle.

[1:19:53] And I would just say this.

[1:19:54] If you live near any of those places and you haven't seen us live and you want to see us live, take advantage of it.

[1:19:59] Because...

[1:20:00] is starting in early August, I will be out of commission

[1:20:03] for live shows for a while, because my family's

[1:20:06] gonna have a little new addition.

[1:20:07] That's right, we're taking in a homeless person,

[1:20:09] and we're gonna have to teach him how to get a job,

[1:20:11] down and out in Beverly Hills style.

[1:20:13] Uh-huh, you're gonna shave off his caveman beard,

[1:20:16] because you thawed him out of the ice.

[1:20:19] Yeah, we've got an Encino man,

[1:20:20] who's gonna be staying with us.

[1:20:21] Yeah, you guys live in Encino, right?

[1:20:23] We don't, but closer to it.

[1:20:26] But anyway, so I'm gonna be, for family reasons,

[1:20:29] we're not gonna do as many live shows later in the year.

[1:20:32] So, if you're near D.C., go to it, May 26th.

[1:20:35] If you're near Brooklyn, go to it, June 7th.

[1:20:36] If you're near Seattle, go to it, June 30th.

[1:20:39] Flophouse Live, 2018.

[1:20:43] Dan, you did a thing last episode,

[1:20:46] where you were announcing some of these shows,

[1:20:47] and you said, we're gonna be at,

[1:20:48] the Flophouse is gonna be at the 6th and I Synagogue,

[1:20:51] and then I think you didn't mention

[1:20:52] Washington D.C. for a while.

[1:20:53] I just imagined all these listeners being like,

[1:20:56] is that my town?

[1:20:57] Wait, where is, hold on a second.

[1:21:00] No, I'm sorry.

[1:21:01] You know.

[1:21:02] It's okay, you said it eventually.

[1:21:03] I did that ad read right after I woke up.

[1:21:05] I like, as,

[1:21:06] I, because I put the podcast online

[1:21:11] as early as I can on Saturdays.

[1:21:12] And he puts our sponsors first.

[1:21:14] And that's right, I put the sponsors first.

[1:21:17] So, I came out.

[1:21:19] Well, if it matters.

[1:21:19] Shuffled in with my pajama pants on, and.

[1:21:22] If it matters, it doesn't show.

[1:21:23] You sound fresh-faced.

[1:21:26] Thank you.

[1:21:27] Dan, as with everybody,

[1:21:28] I'm a big fan of your solo ad read segments.

[1:21:32] Yeah, well, I feel like I need to make up

[1:21:35] for the two of you not being there

[1:21:36] by jumping on my own every misspeaking.

[1:21:42] Speaking of misspeaking,

[1:21:44] I think it's time for us to speak out directly

[1:21:46] to our fans, right?

[1:21:49] Yeah, we should.

[1:21:50] Okay, what does that mean?

[1:21:51] It's a little segment I like to call

[1:21:55] Flophouse movie mailbag.

[1:21:57] Okay.

[1:22:00] Tinseltown, Hollywood.

[1:22:02] Oh my God, I'm here for good.

[1:22:05] And I'm seeing movies all the time.

[1:22:07] And there's only one way to talk about movies.

[1:22:10] And that's in a mailbag.

[1:22:12] A movie mailbag for the Flophouse.

[1:22:14] It's a bag full of mail.

[1:22:16] It's a bag full of movies.

[1:22:19] There's so much stuff you can put in a bag.

[1:22:21] Truly America's greatest invention, bags.

[1:22:25] They're from America, bags.

[1:22:27] No one ever had them before.

[1:22:28] Bags, they're the greatest thing since sliced bread,

[1:22:31] which you can also put in bags.

[1:22:33] Hey, here's some words that rhyme with bag.

[1:22:35] Nag, rag, hag, jag.

[1:22:37] Those are words that rhyme with bag.

[1:22:38] What are some words that rhyme with mail?

[1:22:41] Dale, nail, bail, hail.

[1:22:43] What are some words that rhyme with movie?

[1:22:45] Groovy, that's it.

[1:22:46] There aren't any others.

[1:22:48] Fit all those words in a bag.

[1:22:49] Some kind of word bag full of mail.

[1:22:51] It's a mailbag for you and me and Dan.

[1:22:54] It's a bag full of mail about movies for the Flophouse.

[1:22:58] Why isn't Crosby still so fresh?

[1:23:00] Hey, Stewart.

[1:23:04] All right, so the first letter

[1:23:07] is from Irvin, last name withheld.

[1:23:11] And Irvin writes,

[1:23:14] not sure if I've asked this question before.

[1:23:16] I often write waljuku, that's a word

[1:23:20] that was invented on the Facebook group.

[1:23:23] But I will ask anyway.

[1:23:24] And it just means drunk, just means drunk.

[1:23:26] I think originally it meant drunk and stoned together,

[1:23:30] but now I think it's just all-purpose intoxication

[1:23:33] is juku in Flophouse lore, anyway.

[1:23:36] Now the correction fucking strikes again.

[1:23:40] Jeremiah juku's all-purpose intoxication.

[1:23:43] Yeah, but anyway, he continues to write.

[1:23:46] Do any of you get stressed out

[1:23:47] by the circumstances of a story

[1:23:49] while a filmmaker explores the theme?

[1:23:51] For example, while watching Hiroshima Monomore,

[1:23:54] I got nervous for Emanuel Riva's character

[1:23:57] as she wanders in a semi-dreamscape Hiroshima,

[1:24:00] baited by and playing with,

[1:24:03] I'm gonna misspeak here,

[1:24:04] Eiji Okada's character during the second act.

[1:24:08] She is supposed to be going to the airport to fly home

[1:24:11] and she ends up dicking around.

[1:24:12] I couldn't help but get nervous for her,

[1:24:14] fearing she might miss her flight.

[1:24:16] This, of course, is totally stupid.

[1:24:18] But the feeling was still there.

[1:24:19] Do you ever get caught up like that?

[1:24:21] Her missing her flight was not the filmmaker's intent,

[1:24:25] but there I was, clutching my popcorn,

[1:24:27] desperate to find a reassuring weenus

[1:24:29] buried in the kernels.

[1:24:31] As always, you're a lovely bunch,

[1:24:32] and whenever I feel lonely, I pull up an old episode.

[1:24:34] Thanks.

[1:24:35] A reassuring weenus is a rare description of a weenus.

[1:24:41] Yeah.

[1:24:44] So getting stressed out by something

[1:24:46] that is not maybe a main thing in a film.

[1:24:50] Well, movies are kind of like Rorschach tests in that way,

[1:24:53] that the thing that makes you anxious in real life,

[1:24:55] when you see it in a movie, it happens.

[1:24:57] So any time in a movie that I see someone turn on water

[1:25:00] and just leave it running and don't turn it off

[1:25:03] because they don't need anymore,

[1:25:04] I'm like, turn that off.

[1:25:06] You're wasting water.

[1:25:07] Stop it.

[1:25:08] I found it very distracting.

[1:25:09] There's this amazing moment in Call Me By Your Name

[1:25:12] where a character leaves a freezer door partially closed

[1:25:18] and it pauses for a second before somebody comes

[1:25:20] and closes it, and I'm like, oh, thank God.

[1:25:26] I mentioned this on the aforementioned Facebook group,

[1:25:28] but I always get very disturbed

[1:25:30] by whenever someone comes home

[1:25:33] to find their place has been ransacked,

[1:25:35] but I'm not really upset about the fact

[1:25:39] that someone is against them so much

[1:25:42] that they're gonna ransack their house

[1:25:43] or that they're embroiled in this whole thing,

[1:25:45] but more I get upset thinking,

[1:25:48] oh, they're gonna have to clean all that up.

[1:25:50] Yeah, this is coming from a guy who has not made plans

[1:25:53] because he was expecting to organize his CDs one time.

[1:26:00] Did that happen?

[1:26:00] Yeah, it totally happened.

[1:26:04] I mean, this is kind of a horror movie,

[1:26:05] so I don't know if it counts

[1:26:07] because I think in horror movies,

[1:26:09] basically anything can be conceived as scary,

[1:26:12] but there's a scene in Raw

[1:26:15] where a character is getting her first bikini waxing,

[1:26:18] and the whole time, I was on the verge of throwing up

[1:26:22] because it's just stressing me out so much.

[1:26:26] I also get stressed by whenever there's

[1:26:28] a manufactured conflict in an act, too,

[1:26:31] where it's a movie about friends,

[1:26:33] like a comedy about friends,

[1:26:34] or a comedy, like a romantic comedy,

[1:26:37] where the main characters just, for no reason,

[1:26:40] split up for a little while, you know?

[1:26:43] And it's always completely contrived.

[1:26:45] Yeah, like when Spider-Man and his powers split up.

[1:26:48] Yeah, so I get madder at it because it's contrived,

[1:26:53] because it still works on me.

[1:26:54] I'm still just stressed out by like,

[1:26:56] ugh, this totally avoidable thing

[1:26:59] has caused these friends or lovers to separate,

[1:27:02] and I'm mad at the movie

[1:27:05] for doing it the way they're doing it.

[1:27:07] So-and-so's zipper was just stuck.

[1:27:09] They weren't giving each other blowjobs.

[1:27:11] Come on, get over it.

[1:27:13] That's the, in movies, people stumble on something

[1:27:18] and either assume the worst immediately,

[1:27:20] and the person that they're assuming it of

[1:27:23] is never able to just say, no, no, it's this thing.

[1:27:26] They just go, buh-duh-buh-buh-duh-buh-duh-buh-buh.

[1:27:29] In so many movies, if a man and a woman

[1:27:31] are caught in a room together,

[1:27:33] even if they're just talking,

[1:27:34] it's assumed that they're having an affair,

[1:27:36] that kind of stuff.

[1:27:37] I guess it's the contrivance of it that bugs me.

[1:27:39] That's also why-

[1:27:40] I get why Mike Pence can't be alone with a lady then.

[1:27:44] Yeah, he can't do it or else people-

[1:27:45] Because he's been watching too many movies, you know?

[1:27:48] That's also why, though I couldn't watch

[1:27:50] too much Herb your Enthusiasm after a while,

[1:27:52] because it was like, if these characters just said one thing

[1:27:56] that explains the whole situation,

[1:27:58] which would be very easy to do,

[1:28:00] we wouldn't have this problem.

[1:28:01] There's so many farces that fall apart

[1:28:03] because it's like, a character just needs to go,

[1:28:06] hey, did you think this?

[1:28:08] Actually, it's this other thing.

[1:28:10] And then the other character would be like,

[1:28:11] oh, I see now, I made a mistake, that's right.

[1:28:13] Nobody ever does that.

[1:28:14] You think Basil Fawlty's wife would just be like,

[1:28:17] oh, he's just got some kind of weird scam going again,

[1:28:20] and that's why he's acting weird.

[1:28:22] I'm sorry, I don't remember Basil's wife's name.

[1:28:30] But Grinnell Scales was the actress.

[1:28:32] It's, why can't I remember either?

[1:28:35] She's so great.

[1:28:36] Yeah, she is.

[1:28:37] Anyway, moving on.

[1:28:39] I'm gonna look it up.

[1:28:41] Okay, you do that, and I'll move on to this list.

[1:28:43] You move on, and I'll look it up.

[1:28:45] Okay, thanks.

[1:28:46] Okay, open up my browser, type in Fawlty-

[1:28:50] Seems like talking during it just-

[1:28:52] Fawlty Towers, okay.

[1:28:53] Causes problems, so I can't move along.

[1:28:54] Now let's see, Wikipedia, let's take a look.

[1:28:57] Click on Cast List.

[1:29:00] Okay, let me go down to Sibyl, that's what the name was.

[1:29:03] Right, Sibyl, okay.

[1:29:06] Sibyl Shepard.

[1:29:09] By the way, there were just listeners screaming at us

[1:29:12] for the past half minute, just out there being like, Sibyl!

[1:29:17] No, they were screaming at us going, this is a great bit!

[1:29:20] Yeah, keep it up, I love it!

[1:29:23] Anyway, this next letter's from James, last name withheld.

[1:29:28] Patterson.

[1:29:29] He writes, dearest floppers, Dan is the best.

[1:29:33] Now that I've assured my letter will be read-

[1:29:34] Sounds more like James Woods, am I right?

[1:29:37] I wanted to ask you, I don't know what that meant, but-

[1:29:41] What, because Dan is a 16-year-old girl?

[1:29:43] I don't understand.

[1:29:44] I don't know, I was-

[1:29:45] Or because, does Dan represent-

[1:29:46] James Woods is kind of like an asshole,

[1:29:47] and I was making fun of Dan, I don't know.

[1:29:49] Yeah, does Dan represent extreme conservative values,

[1:29:52] and that's why James Woods loves it so much?

[1:29:54] Yeah.

[1:29:55] I'm just being a jerk.

[1:29:56] Uh, continuing onward, I wanted to ask you-

[1:30:00] guys forging ahead wanted like like shackley in the antarctic

[1:30:05] or shackles and not exactly shackleton

[1:30:07] i wanted to ask you guys

[1:30:09] uh...

[1:30:10] uh...

[1:30:12] yeah that written it's already wrote down i want to ask you guys uh...

[1:30:15] there's a word missing here so i wanted to parse what he was trying to say

[1:30:19] uh... i want to ask us why you think

[1:30:22] that people

[1:30:24] or if you think

[1:30:25] or why it is

[1:30:27] did someone throw this letter through your window seconds ago

[1:30:32] i read it but then i forgot that the

[1:30:35] sentence didn't really make any sense so i'm going to rephrase to make it

[1:30:39] clear what

[1:30:40] he he's saying

[1:30:41] i wanted to ask you guys

[1:30:44] why

[1:30:45] it's often true that people who do comedy are

[1:30:48] one musically talented and two struggle with depression

[1:30:52] mental health

[1:30:53] health issues

[1:30:55] uh...

[1:30:56] as a musically talented comedian i guess i could talk about that

[1:31:00] you see uh...

[1:31:01] this is the song in my heart and i've just gotta sing it like this

[1:31:07] uh... dan

[1:31:08] dan you hate life what would you say

[1:31:11] well i don't know that the musically talented thing is

[1:31:14] correct there are some very high profile

[1:31:17] comedians who are also musically talented but i think that's just the

[1:31:20] thing of

[1:31:21] performance like

[1:31:23] if people are interested in one type of performing they're often

[1:31:25] interested in other types of performing as well and there are i think there's

[1:31:28] more musically talented people among the general population than is

[1:31:32] realized by

[1:31:34] people most the time like

[1:31:36] not all

[1:31:37] people who are musically talented are professional musicians

[1:31:39] and you hear so often of like just regular people who

[1:31:44] play guitar or drums or clarinet or piano a lot of people

[1:31:48] treat music as a hobby

[1:31:50] even if they're good at it

[1:31:51] you know it's just that

[1:31:53] i think there's

[1:31:54] there's probably that same ratio of comedians are good with music

[1:31:57] as the general population is my guess

[1:32:00] i don't know i mean i feel like

[1:32:01] i feel like a lot of comedians

[1:32:04] are

[1:32:05] like for instance i feel like

[1:32:08] a lot of people that are funny can also be good at other art forms

[1:32:13] whether it's

[1:32:13] uh...

[1:32:14] i don't know acting like you don't like

[1:32:16] you see more

[1:32:18] comedy actors who are also good at dramatic roles than

[1:32:21] dramatic actors that are also good at comedy roles

[1:32:24] and dan's good at drawing

[1:32:25] yeah dan's got another talent

[1:32:29] and i'm a mediocre guitarist i'm not talented at music but i like doing it as a

[1:32:33] hobby like elliot says

[1:32:35] there is this weird thing where a lot of stand-ups

[1:32:37] really want to be rock musicians it seems or rappers

[1:32:40] and a lot of

[1:32:41] over time more and more musicians have wanted to become comedians which is

[1:32:45] weird to me

[1:32:46] that like

[1:32:47] someone like justin timberlake seems to want to have a second career as like a

[1:32:50] comedy performer and it's like

[1:32:52] why would you give up the thing you have

[1:32:54] which people love which is enormous

[1:32:57] to like do digital bits for snl like i don't i don't understand you justin

[1:33:00] timberlake

[1:33:02] and uh... to speak to the depression thing i'm

[1:33:05] i'm not sure that that's true that there's a higher incidence of depressed

[1:33:08] people among comedians like i i i think that people don't talk about

[1:33:13] depression a lot and so

[1:33:15] people who talk about themselves a lot

[1:33:18] like comedians do it comes out more often maybe wait are you saying that not

[1:33:22] everybody's just depressed all the time well that's the other thing i want to know

[1:33:25] no it's the opposite of what i'm saying is like i feel like a lot of people are depressed all the time

[1:33:29] but also if it is true that it happens more often than comedians and again i'm

[1:33:33] not sure it is

[1:33:34] it might be because

[1:33:36] people who do comedy are more observant maybe than the average like they're

[1:33:41] they're literally making observations a lot of the time that

[1:33:45] lead to comedy and

[1:33:46] not to be too nihilistic or negative about the world

[1:33:51] noticing things about the world often means you notice

[1:33:54] bad things yeah like airline food yeah exactly

[1:33:59] what's the deal with that

[1:34:00] have you ever noticed these things

[1:34:02] i don't know what you think elliot

[1:34:04] i think you're right that i don't i think it's more a matter of comedians

[1:34:08] so many of them that's what their act is is talking about their depression but

[1:34:11] that's more that

[1:34:13] part of being a stand-up at least is

[1:34:15] talking about yourself

[1:34:16] and there are many many people struggling with depression who do not

[1:34:20] talk about it

[1:34:21] either because they're not comfortable with it or

[1:34:23] it's not professionally appropriate like at most jobs

[1:34:26] you can't just start

[1:34:27] complaining about your depression

[1:34:29] and not have your supervisor say like hey can you not do that like this is not

[1:34:33] the place for that like you need a therapist

[1:34:35] but there's also

[1:34:37] there's the old stereotype of like the sad clown yeah exactly like paliachi

[1:34:41] goes to the doctor and he's super sad

[1:34:44] he can't laugh because he's the one making other people laughing

[1:34:47] i think it's a

[1:34:48] it's a both

[1:34:50] just the visibility is higher and also it's a very easy stereotype also for

[1:34:53] comedians to fall into

[1:34:55] i think there's a number of people who are like

[1:34:57] oh i could get my life together but i'm not supposed to

[1:35:00] because i'm in comedy yeah so how many people are supposed to be like fucked up

[1:35:03] when you hear a comedian talk about being depressed you're like

[1:35:07] hacky bit dude

[1:35:10] well not that but there are some people who genuinely struggle with depression

[1:35:13] in a way that

[1:35:14] they cannot get out of and often times there's comedy that comes from that

[1:35:17] but then i feel like there's also people who are like

[1:35:20] hey i'm going to play into this like i'm not going to do the work on myself that

[1:35:25] i can do even if it's only going to help me a little bit

[1:35:27] because i feel like this is the person i'm supposed to be like i'm supposed to

[1:35:30] be unhappy

[1:35:31] because that's what being a comedian is all about and it's i don't want to

[1:35:34] by doing that i don't want to delegitimize anyone's genuine depression

[1:35:38] that they that is a real trouble for them i just know that i've known some

[1:35:42] people in my life who it's like dude like you're you're playing a part and

[1:35:46] you're not you know you could be a person who is now not dan see what i

[1:35:50] reached out to rub dan's shoulder but uh the same way that you meet people who

[1:35:55] are like hey i'm an artist

[1:35:56] i'm not supposed to have it together i'm supposed to be like always in trouble

[1:36:01] and like making other people fix my messes for me

[1:36:04] yeah that's a different issue now i'm complaining about specific people that i

[1:36:07] know that i don't want to be okay it's called elliot subtweet i also i also just

[1:36:13] think that like the cheap irony of it appeals to people like this person is

[1:36:17] supposed to be like funny and like that must be being happy all the time but

[1:36:22] they're sad all the time like yeah there's something in that

[1:36:26] um so anyway i guess what i'm saying is comedians are not special

[1:36:30] moving on moving on to this last letter which is not a question it's just

[1:36:35] something kind of nice so i thought i'd i'm going to answer it anyway share

[1:36:39] something kind of nice let me guess it's about how great dan is this is from

[1:36:43] lydia ivy last name withheld

[1:36:45] who writes lydia the tattoo lady today i'm a woman

[1:36:49] i was born lewis jonathan last name withheld at 13 i was a man a bar mitzvah

[1:36:55] complete with an ill-fitting suit and a cripplingly embarrassing party with no

[1:36:58] girls today at 29 my final moments as a legal man being glared at for laughing

[1:37:04] out loud outside a courtroom i was listening to edit elliot impersonate

[1:37:08] sly stallone talking about estelle getty and his heart being tender like soft

[1:37:12] cheese

[1:37:13] my first act as a legal woman finishing that episode while walking home and a

[1:37:18] lovely well-fitting dress on a beautiful sunny afternoon in oakland tonight i'm

[1:37:23] throwing a party to celebrate which will probably be better than my bar mitzvah

[1:37:26] they'll be friends of various gender identities alcohol and hyphy dance music

[1:37:31] fewer clip-on ties no cold french fries but i probably but still probably some

[1:37:37] google if i can swing it today i'm a woman at least for tax purposes and

[1:37:41] insurance and shit but congratulations a little lady i'd be i thought that was a

[1:37:46] nice very sweet

[1:37:47] that's great congrats although i have been to some raging bar mitzvahs let me

[1:37:53] tell you

[1:37:53] I've been to bar mitzvahs that cost more than my wedding

[1:37:57] yeah yeah yeah with like with like a have you been to a bar mitzvah where

[1:38:02] there's like like an MC hype man who like follows a birthday boy around and

[1:38:06] then like all the birthday boy is the wrong way to put it and whatever you

[1:38:11] know whatever I don't need the bar mitzvah boy. Bar mitzvah boy, sure. I didn't say I understand it.

[1:38:17] I'm an outsider. There's a bar mitzvah hype man who follows the happy couple around and

[1:38:25] I've been to many bar mitzvahs where there's a hype man and a dance team and

[1:38:28] they're like get people moving

[1:38:30] I'm and the dance team and I mean in my untrained eye always appear to be like

[1:38:36] deceptively young looking where I'm like they're they're probably not 13 but they

[1:38:41] they're meant to be able to pass for 16 which is kind of weird to me

[1:38:46] yeah well I've been to those kinds of bar mitzvahs too. And then they tricked me into a fucking Zumba routine like I'm standing there on the dance floor

[1:38:54] and my wife turns to me and she's like is this Zumba? And then all of a sudden the music is like Zumba, Zumba, Zumba, Zumba.

[1:39:03] And then it becomes a Taibo workout.

[1:39:04] Yeah, yep. Next thing you know you're just cross-fitting around.

[1:39:08] Yeah, this has been Stuart Wellington remembers bar mitzvahs. Stuart Wellington's bar mitzvah horror stories.

[1:39:15] I was not being in it. I said I would never perform a Zumba routine and yet

[1:39:21] there I was Zumba-ing around. Anyway, bar mitzvah horror stories aside that is a very sweet letter and congratulations and I'm I can speak for maybe all of us I think when I say we're happy that you are you know being the person you want you want to be and you feel comfortable as and that you should be. That's really nice.

[1:39:42] Yeah, so moving on to the final segment of the show.

[1:39:45] I feel like wait let me just say one thing.

[1:39:48] Comedians suck.

[1:39:50] What?

[1:39:51] Comedians suck.

[1:39:53] Yeah, now it's on to roasting again. No, but what I was saying in that in that to the previous letter about like people not doing the work to be

[1:40:00] be to be the people that they should be,

[1:40:02] or the people that they, you know,

[1:40:04] the versions of themselves.

[1:40:06] I feel like that then the second letter

[1:40:08] was exactly that sort of thing,

[1:40:09] being like, okay, this is the person that I want to be.

[1:40:12] I'm going to do the work that it takes to be that person.

[1:40:14] It takes a lot of work and against,

[1:40:16] I'm guessing a lot of unnecessary obstacles.

[1:40:19] And it always makes me very happy

[1:40:20] when someone has achieved that sort of,

[1:40:23] that self-realization, you know?

[1:40:25] Yeah, I mean, I admire it so much,

[1:40:27] considering that, like, I feel like for most things,

[1:40:30] I put the bare minimum amount of work into life.

[1:40:34] And like, I know that's got to be so hard.

[1:40:37] Yeah.

[1:40:40] All right.

[1:40:41] Again, moving on to the last segment of the podcast.

[1:40:45] Letters.

[1:40:46] Hey, everybody, it's letter time.

[1:40:49] Last segment of the show.

[1:40:51] Letters.

[1:40:52] Dan, read another letter.

[1:40:52] No, we're doing our recommendations of movies

[1:40:55] that you should watch instead of The Snowman.

[1:40:58] Oh, okay.

[1:40:59] Because we could have some more letters.

[1:41:02] Hey, everybody, write us some letters.

[1:41:05] Wait, what?

[1:41:06] I didn't pick any extra ones out,

[1:41:07] so I don't think we could have any extra letters.

[1:41:09] Oh, so where do I start my change.org petition

[1:41:12] to force you to pick more letters?

[1:41:15] I mean, I think you said it when you just said that.

[1:41:17] Go to change.org.

[1:41:19] Oh, right, right.

[1:41:21] Right, good point, good point.

[1:41:23] I'll recommend it.

[1:41:24] So, Dan, what's this segment?

[1:41:26] It's recommendations of movies.

[1:41:27] And we recommend movies, right?

[1:41:29] Yeah.

[1:41:30] What about books?

[1:41:32] Yeah, can we recommend books?

[1:41:34] I've done it before,

[1:41:34] and you guys were really down on me for it,

[1:41:37] so probably not.

[1:41:38] Okay, so I'm gonna recommend a movie called The Snowman.

[1:41:42] It stars a snowman.

[1:41:44] It's a twist, okay.

[1:41:45] You recommend your movie.

[1:41:47] I watched the movie Southern Comfort.

[1:41:52] Now, Dan, it sounds like you're recommending

[1:41:54] an alcoholic beverage and not a movie.

[1:41:56] Are you tricking us again?

[1:41:57] I would never recommend Southern Comfort.

[1:41:59] It's gross.

[1:42:00] Wow, hot take alarm.

[1:42:04] What a flip-flop.

[1:42:05] You were just about to recommend it.

[1:42:06] Yeah.

[1:42:07] No, not the drink.

[1:42:09] I'm recommending the movie directed by Walter Hill,

[1:42:12] who directed The Warriors, among other things.

[1:42:15] And Bullet to the Head.

[1:42:17] Yeah, a movie that I think we kinda liked eventually.

[1:42:20] I think that's where it came from.

[1:42:21] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[1:42:23] So Southern Comfort is about a group of national guardsmen

[1:42:29] in, I believe, Louisiana.

[1:42:32] I'm not sure.

[1:42:32] I can't remember.

[1:42:34] Check South, that's the South.

[1:42:35] They go into-

[1:42:36] And quite comfortable.

[1:42:38] Dan, is there anything else I can do

[1:42:39] to make your stay a little more pleasant?

[1:42:42] I will have another slice of that delicious pie, ma'am.

[1:42:45] Okay, that'll be $13, please.

[1:42:47] Oh, wow, okay.

[1:42:49] Real tourist trap you're in,

[1:42:50] Southern hospitality that I heard about.

[1:42:52] Would you like a picture of you eating that pie?

[1:42:54] That'll be another $25, but I'm happy to do it.

[1:42:57] Hey, how about I freshen up your sweet tea?

[1:42:59] That'll be $45, please.

[1:43:01] Wow, you're already doing it.

[1:43:03] This trip South is bankrupting me.

[1:43:05] I'm not a fan of taking the picture first

[1:43:08] and then showing it to me and trying to get me to pay for it.

[1:43:10] Like, I'm paying for the work.

[1:43:11] That sucks.

[1:43:13] That's like putting a bracelet on my wrist

[1:43:15] and then being like, that's five bucks.

[1:43:16] And I'm like, I didn't even ask for this bracelet.

[1:43:19] Yeah, but I'm guilting you into paying for it

[1:43:21] because it'll be more work to not to.

[1:43:23] Anyway, Dan, I'm glad to have you here at my Airbnb.

[1:43:26] It's called, and that'll be, again,

[1:43:29] another $300 a night just for the soap.

[1:43:32] Okay, well, thanks.

[1:43:33] Anyway, this bit was great,

[1:43:35] but Southern Comfort, the movie,

[1:43:38] is about these National Guardsmen

[1:43:40] who go on these training exercises in the swamp

[1:43:44] and they've mostly just got blanks in their guns

[1:43:48] and they go and they run into some Cajuns.

[1:43:51] They make a few mistakes.

[1:43:55] They borrow a boat from the Cajuns

[1:43:58] and then one of the people shoots off

[1:44:00] a couple of rounds of blanks to scare them.

[1:44:03] And they don't take it as a joke, these Cajuns,

[1:44:08] as you might expect.

[1:44:09] They're not happy about interlopers

[1:44:12] in their backwoods Cajun hideaway.

[1:44:16] Now, would you call these Cajuns ragin' at this point?

[1:44:19] Yeah.

[1:44:20] At that point, ragin'.

[1:44:21] Yeah.

[1:44:22] And they start picking off the soldiers one by one

[1:44:26] and it's very tense.

[1:44:28] I actually, I have to admit,

[1:44:30] I fell asleep a little bit during the second act

[1:44:34] because I was tired.

[1:44:34] Wow.

[1:44:35] It's a tense potboiler that also functions as a sedative.

[1:44:39] I slept, I slept because I was tired.

[1:44:42] The movie started at 9.30, I was a little tired,

[1:44:44] but it's not the kind of movie

[1:44:46] where if you drift off for a little bit, you're lost.

[1:44:48] It's a very simple premise.

[1:44:50] Wow, clever way to turn lemons into lemonade.

[1:44:55] I did watch the third act, which has,

[1:44:57] the third act has just an amazing.

[1:44:59] I did watch the third act, Rave Stan.

[1:45:01] The third act has an amazing sequence

[1:45:06] set to this Cajun music where these guys

[1:45:09] have to escape a conclave of these people

[1:45:13] and it's just really tense and exciting and fun.

[1:45:18] I recommend Southern Comfort.

[1:45:20] I love that Walter Hill, I'm sure, was listening to that

[1:45:22] and was like, oh, an underseen movie of mine.

[1:45:24] I can't wait to hear it.

[1:45:25] What?

[1:45:27] I think Dan turned it around at the end, you know?

[1:45:29] Yeah.

[1:45:30] Yeah.

[1:45:31] It was a full arc of a story.

[1:45:35] That was that second act breakup that Dan hates.

[1:45:41] Oh man, I have two movies

[1:45:42] that I really strongly want to recommend

[1:45:44] and I don't want to wait until next episode to split them up

[1:45:47] so I'm gonna do them both.

[1:45:50] Yesterday, I watched Call Me By Your Name

[1:45:53] right before, because the Oscars are tonight

[1:45:56] and it's one of the last ones that I hadn't seen

[1:45:58] and oh man, I couldn't stop crying after that.

[1:46:02] It's just fucking great, man.

[1:46:05] All the performances are great.

[1:46:07] It really captures the feel of being young

[1:46:11] and in love and on vacation

[1:46:14] and also the way that when you're a teenager,

[1:46:21] the way you look up to people that are a few years older

[1:46:23] or a lot of years older

[1:46:25] and the way you kind of both idolize

[1:46:29] and want to emulate them,

[1:46:30] but also that gets mixed in with desire

[1:46:35] and the way that even if you were to take

[1:46:40] sexual attraction out of there,

[1:46:41] the way you might resent when your idol

[1:46:45] shares any kind of attention with someone that isn't you,

[1:46:50] it's just, man, it's just so great.

[1:46:51] I totally recommend it.

[1:46:53] And I also want to recommend Annihilation,

[1:46:58] a science fiction movie based on a series of books

[1:47:02] that I really liked and the movie is a lot different,

[1:47:05] very much its own thing.

[1:47:07] It is obvious at this point, very much underseen.

[1:47:12] I think by the time this comes out,

[1:47:13] it'll probably already have left theaters

[1:47:17] and it's a weird one.

[1:47:18] Like it's beautiful and scary

[1:47:22] and it's, I don't know, it's certainly not for everyone.

[1:47:26] I've already had one argument over text message

[1:47:29] with my mother-in-law about it.

[1:47:31] And the, yeah, it's just great.

[1:47:35] Like I, the other day I was making breakfast

[1:47:40] and my wife came into the kitchen and she was like,

[1:47:43] what's that music you're playing?

[1:47:45] And I'm like, Crosby, Stills, and Nash.

[1:47:48] And Charlene's like, is that because of that movie?

[1:47:52] So I guess it's a lot like,

[1:47:54] seeing Annihilation is a lot like going into the shimmer.

[1:47:57] You don't come back unchanged.

[1:47:59] You don't come back unchanged.

[1:48:01] You know what I mean?

[1:48:04] It's just a hard, I don't know.

[1:48:05] Go see it, Annihilation, it's great.

[1:48:08] Yeah, I'll co-sign that.

[1:48:08] I saw it and I loved it, so.

[1:48:11] I haven't seen it, but I'll co-sign the lease

[1:48:14] because I trust you guys.

[1:48:15] You're not going to leave me with the bill for Annihilation?

[1:48:18] I mean, I don't think so.

[1:48:20] I enjoyed it.

[1:48:21] I'll gladly pay my price or the price of a ticket, you know?

[1:48:25] Good, because I trust you guys.

[1:48:27] You know this, I don't want to be left

[1:48:28] holding the bag on this, my credit rating.

[1:48:30] I don't know if it's for you.

[1:48:32] Elliot, do you like intelligent science fiction movies?

[1:48:38] How would you classify Johnny Mnemonic?

[1:48:40] Is that intelligent?

[1:48:43] I would say it's pretty intelligent.

[1:48:45] That's the one where Takeshi Kitano

[1:48:46] has a monofilament whip for a thumb, right?

[1:48:50] Yeah, and where Dolph Lundgren

[1:48:52] is some kind of cyborg priest.

[1:48:54] That was great because after I saw that movie,

[1:48:56] every single game of Shadowrun I was in

[1:48:58] featured at least one heavy

[1:49:00] that had a monofilament whip thumb.

[1:49:04] They could have come up with that idea on their own.

[1:49:06] You never know.

[1:49:07] That's a common idea.

[1:49:08] Yeah, I mean.

[1:49:10] Monofilament whip thumb, just a coincidence.

[1:49:12] Okay, guys, time for me to recommend a movie.

[1:49:15] And you know what?

[1:49:16] This movie has a connection with the movie we watched today

[1:49:19] and that it was also edited by Thelma Schoonmaker,

[1:49:22] the longtime editor of Martin Scorsese movies.

[1:49:25] Hey, it's a Martin Scorsese movie.

[1:49:27] Maybe that's why.

[1:49:29] And I wanted to recommend the movie Silence

[1:49:31] that came out a couple of years ago.

[1:49:33] It's a movie about two Portuguese missionaries

[1:49:37] who've been sent to Japan in the 17th century

[1:49:40] when Japan has outlawed Catholicism

[1:49:43] and is actively just killing Catholics left and right.

[1:49:47] And they've been sent to find a Catholic priest

[1:49:50] who went missing before them

[1:49:52] and who it's rumored has given up on the faith

[1:49:54] and given in and become a complicit

[1:49:56] with the Japanese government.

[1:49:58] And it's a.

[1:50:00] kind of a lumpy movie not everything and it works perfectly and by a certain

[1:50:04] point when you've seen the sixth or seventh person tortured in it you're

[1:50:09] like all right okay this is a lot okay Eli Roth but there's a but I thought but

[1:50:15] the it's another one he says this is of like you're watching certain scenes and

[1:50:19] you're like oh yeah this is because Martin Scorsese is one of the best kind

[1:50:22] of like just technical filmmakers around and I found it very moving in the sense

[1:50:27] of a movie that like takes faith seriously but it's not blinded to the

[1:50:32] problems of faith and to the it doesn't try to answer the questions that it

[1:50:37] raises about whether kind of faith is worth it and what you owe to somebody

[1:50:42] else because of their faith because of your faith and what the best way to

[1:50:45] express your your religion or your love for God is and I found yeah the

[1:50:51] performance is really good in it and it's a movie that never quite reaches

[1:50:55] the heights that it's reaching for but it makes you think a lot about those

[1:51:00] heights and I really enjoyed that aspect of it so it's a long in right it's long

[1:51:05] it's a lot like yeah it's about two hours and 40 minutes long and that's

[1:51:08] gotta it's got Garfield and Kylo Ren in it right yes it's got spider-man and

[1:51:13] Kylo Ren as the main characters and they're looking for Liam Neeson who

[1:51:16] ironically has been taken himself this time now by a Japanese political system

[1:51:21] how many ninjas are in the movie too there are too many ninjas I would say

[1:51:26] yeah the other alternate title for the movie was too there's no ninjas in it

[1:51:32] and it's also one of these movies that it was set in feudal Japan Elliot yeah

[1:51:37] true good point well there are some samurai okay but it is one of these

[1:51:41] movies two words like you have your big American stars and Liam Neeson who's

[1:51:45] what Irish but I and Andrew Garfield's not American either I guess but uh then

[1:51:50] you have the Japanese actors in it and the Japanese actors just blow the

[1:51:54] American Western actors away like the Japanese actors are so good in it and in

[1:51:59] a way that like mixes there's like two styles of Japanese acting and I'm

[1:52:04] generalizing greatly there's a very big over-the-top style that's usually done

[1:52:08] by the like crazy or outcast character it's a very subdued small style of

[1:52:13] acting and both of those are on display here really fantastically it's like it's

[1:52:17] fantastic it's the full Mifune spectrum yeah basically yeah you get both sides

[1:52:23] these all parts of the Mifune so silence under scene Martin Scorsese it's long

[1:52:29] it's an undertaking but I would recommend it all right okay Dan any any

[1:52:34] scrolling pics on your phone anything cool in there I got a text from a mutual

[1:52:38] friend and I'm just saying what that was about oh cool you got to the bottom of

[1:52:42] yeah yeah Dan McCoy text detective solved another case oh finally text dog

[1:52:48] detective so we should sign off that being the last segment of the show the

[1:52:55] next thing that happens is usually going home yeah I like except for you who are

[1:52:59] in your home already and me who's in my home Dan I'd like to salute the way that

[1:53:03] we were just kind of rolling the show to it a regular close we had like kind of a

[1:53:09] low-key momentum going and then a brother of Thor of Thor you decided to

[1:53:15] check the text on your phone and throw off even what little energy we had going

[1:53:20] into the conclusion guys for I want to fair no one needed to comment on the

[1:53:24] fact that I was looking at my phone it could have passed unremarked upon mmm I

[1:53:28] don't know if that's in my character Dan that's not that's not me living my truth

[1:53:33] now before we sign off I say we do like that we do a prediction because I mean

[1:53:40] our predictions are gonna seem ridiculous like when I said that no way

[1:53:43] would we hire a president with hair as ridiculous as Jonathan price in our GI

[1:53:47] Joe retaliation episode yeah and I have not been able to live it down you were

[1:53:52] like no way will we elect a president who's an openly evil man working for a

[1:53:56] power that wants to destroy America no way yeah that was that was all I could

[1:54:02] think about on that that election night was my stupid words coming to haunt me

[1:54:08] but uh yeah do you have a do you have any prediction Oscar predictions best

[1:54:12] picture do you have something you would like to win I think I mean there's a

[1:54:16] it's weird because so many people focus on the Academy Awards either snubs or

[1:54:21] the losers but there are so many things nominated this year where I'm like yeah

[1:54:25] I could see that winning and I and it would deserve it like there were a lot

[1:54:28] of really good movies that came out this past year and like you have all these

[1:54:31] I'm sure the one movie I really haven't seen much of his darkest hour and I'm

[1:54:36] sure that'll win a bunch because it's kind of easygoing you know but uh like

[1:54:40] in a year when you have like movies as diverse as I don't mean diverse in

[1:54:45] terms of racial and gender but just in type of movie as get out call me by your

[1:54:50] name Lady Bird shape of water they might throw ahead

[1:54:53] nominated what Phantom Thread Phantom Thread yeah like being nominated for

[1:54:58] things it's like there is a there's a I like to look at the Oscars less as

[1:55:03] about the winners and more about what type of stuff the variety of stuff that

[1:55:07] gets nominated and it's like movies are in a pretty good place if they can have

[1:55:11] that they that wide and that high quality of stuff does it mean the best

[1:55:15] thing will win no probably not but I kind of love that we live in a place

[1:55:19] right now where not that not the place where the Oscars have gotten very

[1:55:22] politically polarized which is I understand why it is and I agree with

[1:55:26] much of it and I don't agree with all of it but that in a world where a shape

[1:55:30] of water is becoming like the middle-of-the-road consensus and

[1:55:34] mainstream choice which is a movie about oh it's a Guillermo del Toro movie

[1:55:39] about a woman who has sex with a fish man yeah we're like it's a crazy movie

[1:55:44] and the act that we live in a world that has become so comfortable with that type

[1:55:48] of movie that's like oh yeah a lot of the older people are picking shape of

[1:55:52] water because they just feel more comfortable with it like I like that I

[1:55:55] like that aspect of this world that we live in this movie does feature a fish

[1:55:59] man eating masturbation eggs but it does celebrate classic Hollywood's that it's

[1:56:06] like this is the movie that really reflects where we are it's a movie where

[1:56:09] a fish man bites the head off a cat and it's kind of an adorable moment in a way

[1:56:14] because it's like oh he doesn't know he's just a fish man like as much it

[1:56:18] there are a lot of great movies that are nominated this year and like I don't know

[1:56:21] if you look at it as a field of nominees being honored by getting greater

[1:56:26] attention that way I think it's I think we're good shape but who's gonna win I

[1:56:29] don't know dance to it what do you guys think I've rambled on I mean but do you

[1:56:33] have something you would like to win do you have a favorite of the Best Picture

[1:56:36] nominees do you have a snub like I wish I wish Florida Project had been nominated

[1:56:42] for Best Picture because it's really beautiful and great but yeah I mean it's

[1:56:46] it's I'd rather look at the I'd rather look at the positive side of it and what

[1:56:49] did get nominated then be like oh but not this one because you don't have a

[1:56:53] fucking dunk on me dude I was just trying to Florida Project sorry you

[1:56:59] didn't bring it all you didn't want it badly but but I don't know it's like if I

[1:57:05] think I'll only be disappointed if the post wins I guess if it's like because

[1:57:12] that is a movie that feels like okay this is a movie that did not try

[1:57:16] particularly hard to do anything and it feels so bland and it feels like I mean

[1:57:22] and the people who made it are amazing everyone is it is amazing Steven

[1:57:25] Spielberg's amazing like yes that's that's the disappointment for me is you

[1:57:29] have some of the most talented high-profile people in the movies and

[1:57:33] this is what they made and it feels like you can make you can make a movie like

[1:57:37] spotlight which is very similar and is so good and so tense and and immediate

[1:57:42] or you can make a movie like the post where it's like all right like it feels

[1:57:47] like I'm watching like like history illustrated comics or something like

[1:57:50] that you know it's just about eating my vegetables or something and talking and

[1:57:54] talking about like the freedom of press is important but trying to make it seem

[1:57:58] so boring well like here's a movie that's like hey freedom of the press is

[1:58:02] important and never during the movie did I feel like oh I had they have to get

[1:58:06] this story out I'm like I'm gonna this is like it never made me feel anything

[1:58:10] and it doesn't help that the first half of the movie is a bunch of people being

[1:58:13] like look at all the great work the New York Times is doing it's like yeah they

[1:58:16] are like why am I paying attention to you assholes like let's go look at the

[1:58:19] times they're doing it you know yeah it's like if if the bad news bears if

[1:58:24] the bad news bears were spent the whole movie being like look at that team of

[1:58:27] misfits that's winning all the games oh man I wish we could be like them like

[1:58:32] yeah let me see them or if Teen Wolf was about one of the other teams and they're

[1:58:37] like oh we wish we had a Teen Wolf on our team man wouldn't that be great if

[1:58:40] we had our own werewolf yeah show me the werewolf dude that's my big my big show

[1:58:45] me the werewolf show me the werewolf all right I mean I don't really have much to

[1:58:51] say I I want I if if my favorite movie of the year that I saw one it would be

[1:59:00] Phantom Thread but I looked at the odds makers and that has currently have that

[1:59:04] as 100 to 1 and you're that one oh wait I can't think of one there's one movie I

[1:59:10] wish was nominated for more stuff and that's mother because I thought that was

[1:59:14] yeah it's a really amazing movie but I it's like it's a weird movie I get what

[1:59:18] but it's like in a world where mother is too weird but Shape of Water is not

[1:59:23] we're getting closer to a world where mother is not too weird yeah no I mean

[1:59:28] like they changed the makeup of the voting Academy and I think I think you

[1:59:32] really see it I think that there are a lot of younger in quotes movies being

[1:59:37] honored and that's nice see yeah I don't know I hope get out wins cuz it's

[1:59:44] awesome okay it is awesome and with that but that's it's like what's wonderful

[1:59:50] about where we are now in terms of movies is that I feel like the Oscars

[1:59:53] have gotten decoupled from the idea of these are the best movies like of the

[1:59:58] past

[2:00:00] years how many times was the and I'm sure this is true for all of cinema

[2:00:03] history but it's so much easier to see movies now and to see them if you miss

[2:00:09] them before that like you don't have to rely on them winning Best Picture to be

[2:00:12] remembered for a hundred years like Get Out it's gonna be remembered for a

[2:00:14] hundred years yeah and it doesn't need to win Best Picture to do that but if it

[2:00:17] does win Best Picture I'd be really happy it's a great movie yeah that'd be

[2:00:22] interesting too I mean you know Silence of the Lambs the last horror movie that

[2:00:25] won Best Picture you know I like a little genre in my my phone mm-hmm

[2:00:31] consider The King's Speech a horror movie whoa the horror of whether he's

[2:00:38] gonna be able to give that speech did that win Best Picture it did I believe

[2:00:43] Wow yeah I mean it's fine I was looking back at the last few the last few movies

[2:00:49] that won I mean Birdman is kind of a horror movie in some ways but the last

[2:00:52] but they're like a bunch of movies that won Best Picture where you're like oh

[2:00:55] yeah that's right because the movie that wins Best Picture gets forgotten much of

[2:01:00] the time like who's who's out there watching The Artist right now or like

[2:01:05] watching The King's Speech or Chicago or any you know any of that stuff yeah it's

[2:01:11] like a like a curse so yeah basically what we're saying is this segment which

[2:01:16] was already not relevant because it'll come out long after the Oscars is extra

[2:01:22] not relevant cuz the Oscars aren't relevant yeah I just want to talk about

[2:01:28] movies with my friends for a second literally been doing for two hours at

[2:01:34] this point but sure okay cool fine signing off your Dan I'm Stuart and

[2:01:38] that's Elliot peace Wow and I guess we're leaving on that note who caused

[2:01:48] that who played that note Dan you did all right said peace dude he said peace

[2:01:56] but it sounded more like war yeah all right I guess namaste to everybody I'm

[2:02:04] gonna let's do it let's do it nice this time I've been Dan McCoy hey I'm Stuart

[2:02:09] Wellington hey I'm Elliot Kaelin the nice guy saying have a nice day from us

[2:02:15] the Flophouse the positivity podcast that's all about making everybody feel

[2:02:19] better and compliments all right good night everyone and our waiter is an old

[2:02:31] friend of Alex Smith's who this guy Brendan who plays the guy who goes crazy

[2:02:37] in the beginning of the new not new but recent more recent Amityville horror

[2:02:44] remake with Ryan Reynolds oh really yeah big stars pretty impressive yeah

[2:02:50] it was a glamour night yeah he was saying that when they shot a scene where

[2:02:55] they were both in a bathroom like Ryan Reynolds is in a bathroom looking in a

[2:02:59] mirror and he sees Brendan's face instead of his own face

[2:03:04] Brendan was like yeah he was like wet and every scene and man he's just got an

[2:03:09] amazing body so that's that's my review for Amityville horror maximum fun org

[2:03:20] comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #253 - The Snowman

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