Ep. #251 - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

[0:06] Not to be confused with Valerian Root, the cure for a thousand ailments, available at your drugstore.

[0:30] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:45] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:56] This is the story of Billy Zane Valentine, star of Black Titanic and Black Phantom.

[2:03] You mean the star of Titanic?

[2:06] Name a bigger star of Titanic.

[2:11] Okay, the boat, sure.

[2:13] Bill Paxton.

[2:15] Okay, he's on screen earlier than Billy Zane. Yes, he's the star, you're right.

[2:18] And he's a way bigger star.

[2:20] Than Billy Zane?

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:23] Bill Paxton?

[2:24] Yeah.

[2:26] Did Bill Paxton ever play the Phantom?

[2:28] That's true, he wasn't the lead in the Phantom, you're right.

[2:32] Yeah, maybe, you know what?

[2:33] Pre-Big Love, I'm right.

[2:35] Post-Big Love, you're right.

[2:37] What about Victor Garber?

[2:40] He's in Titanic.

[2:41] And he's the captain of the ship.

[2:43] He's more important than that.

[2:44] I just saw Victor Garber on Broadway in Hello Dolly.

[2:47] Goddammit.

[2:48] Hey, Dan, you're doing me now.

[2:50] Wait, who's playing Dolly?

[2:51] You saw that with Bette Midler?

[2:53] I saw it with Bernadette Peters.

[2:55] Oh, even better.

[2:56] And she was fantastic.

[2:57] Yeah, that sounds great.

[2:58] Yeah, she's a national treasure.

[3:00] Wait.

[3:01] That's why Nicolas Cage has to find a treasure map to her.

[3:05] It's not a very hard treasure map.

[3:07] I can tell him that she's appearing on Broadway six nights a week.

[3:12] Well, Dan, he's really in it for the chase, not the goal.

[3:15] Oh, okay.

[3:16] We'll have to unearth this podcast to find out that information.

[3:20] The true treasure was the friends he made along the way.

[3:23] Oh, okay.

[3:24] Isn't that what he says at the end of National Treasure?

[3:26] You know, guys, the true treasure was the friends we made along the way.

[3:30] And this goal.

[3:31] And this goal that I used to buy this sports car at the end of the movie.

[3:36] He bought a sports car at the end of the movie?

[3:38] Yeah.

[3:39] I hope it was an American-made sports car.

[3:42] That's true.

[3:43] Is there such a thing?

[3:45] Yeah, like a Dodge Charger.

[3:47] Dodge is an American company, right?

[3:49] I mean, if he's using American gold to buy something, I'm just saying keep it in the country.

[3:55] Yeah, that's true.

[3:56] Well, now it's time for Stu's America First Populism Podcast, the pop house.

[4:02] So what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[4:06] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:09] And tonight or whenever we watched it, we watched Valerian.

[4:15] Look, I want to apologize for Dan, too, everybody.

[4:17] Whatever holiday it is that you're celebrating.

[4:19] Let's say it's Christmas.

[4:20] Maybe Dan's had a little too much eggnog or a little too much turkey.

[4:23] He's feeling a little sleepy.

[4:25] So, everybody, Dan is having a sleepy holiday.

[4:28] I think Dan's doing a great job, Elliot.

[4:30] Why are you hassling him?

[4:31] Why are you riding him?

[4:32] I have a cold, one of my frequent colds.

[4:35] I feel like this is a returning theme on the podcast that Dan is sick.

[4:41] I don't know what it is about me that my –

[4:44] Your immune system.

[4:46] Yeah, I guess so.

[4:48] I mean that's what it is about you literally is your immune system is bad.

[4:50] Yeah.

[4:51] Well, what happened was Dan was feeling sick.

[4:53] So he went into his kitchen to get some DayQuil, and he poured himself a hearty glass of DayQuil.

[4:58] And then he looked at the bottle, and it says NyQuil, and he goes, uh-oh.

[5:02] Yeah, hearty glass.

[5:08] He filled himself a solo cup of DayQuil.

[5:10] He's got to power through the podcast.

[5:15] So what did we watch tonight?

[5:17] Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

[5:20] That is a mouthful.

[5:22] Now, this is a movie.

[5:23] Let me just tell you.

[5:24] It is.

[5:25] That's not a lie.

[5:26] Okay, so facts, number one, political facts, check it.

[5:29] Look it up.

[5:30] I'm not lying.

[5:31] It's a movie.

[5:32] Don't give me a Pinocchio where pants on fire.

[5:33] Pants not on fire.

[5:34] No, pants remain uninflamed.

[5:38] So this is a movie that when it came out, it was like they were going out of their way

[5:44] to tell the audience nothing about what this movie was about or what watching it was like.

[5:49] All I knew from the commercials and the posters was there's something called a Valerian.

[5:54] I didn't know if it was a person, a place, a thing.

[5:57] I knew there was a thousand planets in the city.

[5:59] What does that mean?

[6:00] And I knew that Dane DeHaan was in it, but otherwise…

[6:03] The raw star power of Dane DeHaan.

[6:06] And I knew that he flew a spaceship at some point.

[6:09] And otherwise, it was like they were going out of their way.

[6:12] It was to tell you what this movie was about.

[6:14] And I think more people might have seen it if they had known this movie was like a big space opera type adventure.

[6:19] I got that from the ads.

[6:21] You see people flying spaceships.

[6:23] You think it's a space opera?

[6:25] For all I knew, it was about people test-driving spaceships all day.

[6:29] All right.

[6:30] Before they bought one.

[6:32] Like a used cars but in outer space?

[6:35] Exactly.

[6:36] Pitch it.

[6:37] I feel like the plot to this movie is so bonkers that it's really hard to sum up in a trailer.

[6:42] That's true.

[6:43] But then what they could have expressed in the trailer was how bonkers the movie is.

[6:47] I feel like they were trying to hide how bonkers crazy it was.

[6:50] Because this is essentially the fifth element times a million.

[6:54] This is like a million elements.

[6:56] What?

[6:57] Remember how the fifth element came out and we were like, this is bonkers.

[7:02] The only snack that they would serve at the theaters if you were watching it was bonkers.

[7:07] That was the only candy you could buy.

[7:09] Because that's how bonkers it was.

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:11] They gave out free copies of Bonk's Revenge as you left the theater.

[7:14] That was the only video game you were allowed to play for the rest of your life after watching the movie.

[7:19] Wow.

[7:20] That's a rough contract you signed.

[7:23] No, you had to read the fine print when you sign a movie contract for when you're watching a movie.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:29] Still, I can tell you anything you want to know about Bonk's Revenge.

[7:32] What is he, a caveman?

[7:34] He's a caveman and his head gets really big and he bonks people with it.

[7:38] What's he getting revenge for?

[7:40] That's the only thing I don't know is what he's getting revenge for.

[7:43] I assume the mob killed his family.

[7:45] I'm just sick of these heroes with tragic pasts.

[7:49] Probably his fucking girlfriend got stuffed in a refrigerator.

[7:52] Oh, boy.

[7:54] I'm looking it up.

[7:57] I don't get what Bonk wanted revenge about.

[7:59] Okay, so I'll talk about Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

[8:02] Let's get into the plot.

[8:03] So it's based on a comic book that would have been seen in France.

[8:06] Yes, and Belgium.

[8:08] Yeah, it would have been the sort of thing you would have seen on the pages of Metal Erlant, right?

[8:14] That's the other thing is when it came out, I assumed it was based on like a series of YA novels.

[8:19] It looked like a real Hunger Games Maze Runner type thing, and it was the fault in our Star Wars, let's call it.

[8:27] So two things.

[8:29] But it's not based on that.

[8:31] Two things.

[8:32] Bonk was trying to get – like someone stole the moon, and so he was getting revenge, I guess, for someone stealing part of the moon.

[8:39] I didn't remember that.

[8:41] I mean those are some pretty big stakes.

[8:43] Yeah, and the other thing is when this movie came out, people pointed out that it was –

[8:50] Wait, wait, wait.

[8:51] The other thing you're going to say is not about Bonk?

[8:53] No.

[8:54] Okay.

[8:55] Give my notebook away.

[8:56] No, you're talking about the title of this film and what it's about and what it's based on.

[9:01] People were mad.

[9:03] Rightfully so, I think, that it was not just – that it was called Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets rather than Valerian and Laureline, which is what the thing is called.

[9:13] And Laureline is an equal character in the movie.

[9:16] She's an equal character in the movie, so it's weird that they just have the guy as the name of the film.

[9:21] I will say that Valerian and Laureline – Valerian and Laureline sounds like Jules and Jim.

[9:26] It sounds like a French movie about a couple or a friend.

[9:29] That's true.

[9:30] They should have just called it City of a Thousand Planets or something like that.

[9:33] It was called like Space Adventure Craziness, Crazy Space.

[9:37] They should have called it.

[9:38] It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world.

[9:40] It's a mad, mad, mad, mad universe is what they should have called it.

[9:44] Oh, yeah.

[9:45] That's a better name.

[9:47] You're right.

[9:48] It should have been called Valerian and Laureline.

[9:50] Or Laureline and Valerian.

[9:53] Oh, that just blew my mind.

[9:55] Or Laureline and the City of a Thousand Planets.

[9:58] Sure.

[10:00] This would have been just as good, right?

[10:02] I mean, were they worried it was gonna,

[10:03] I mean, I guess they were worried it was gonna be

[10:05] like a John Carter situation,

[10:08] and then they just had the same situation.

[10:10] The exact same situation.

[10:11] Well, the other problem is that it's,

[10:13] this is another one of those,

[10:14] like John Carter, it seems like this is a movie

[10:16] playing off of the filmmaker's love of a specific property

[10:19] that is not known of by most of the people

[10:22] in the United States of America,

[10:24] let alone, I don't know, the rest of the world.

[10:26] I mean, Europe, I assume it's fairly well known.

[10:29] But like, that Luc Besson apparently for years

[10:31] wanted to make a movie of these characters,

[10:34] but like, I'd never heard of them before, you know?

[10:37] And I consider myself fairly in the know

[10:40] about Euro science fiction comic books.

[10:43] I mean, they're, they were popular,

[10:45] I mean, they're fairly popular,

[10:47] and they were apparently a pretty big influence

[10:50] on George Lucas for the Star Wars,

[10:52] the original Star Wars trilogy.

[10:54] Apparently a number of the plot lines,

[10:56] echo sequences you would see

[10:58] in the original Star Wars trilogy.

[11:01] I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to see proof

[11:03] that George Lucas saw those comics.

[11:05] Okay, I don't have it in front of me,

[11:07] so I guess catch up with me next year.

[11:11] Pull out your dossier, I guess, Stuart.

[11:14] Yes, put Agent Steele on the case.

[11:17] Yeah.

[11:19] Okay, let's talk about what happens in this movie, huh?

[11:21] So, this is a totally crazy movie of outer space.

[11:24] So what do they do?

[11:25] They open the movie with a montage of real space missions,

[11:29] and the craziest song you could have

[11:31] in a movie about space, David Bowie's Space Oddity.

[11:34] Hey, that's never been done before.

[11:37] Yeah, this is a pretty good.

[11:39] I still like the opening a lot.

[11:40] I think the opening's pretty great.

[11:42] I think it's, I wish they had,

[11:43] I wish other people had not used the song as much,

[11:46] because it actually works very well

[11:47] for the opening of this movie.

[11:49] Specifically, I wish they had not used it in The Martian,

[11:51] where I was like, you're a little on the nose, The Martian.

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:57] So we see this montage of real space footage

[12:00] that turns into future space missions,

[12:02] as over decades and decades,

[12:06] the International Space Station becomes Alpha Station,

[12:09] this enormous space station

[12:11] with thousands of alien species on it,

[12:13] and it's too big for Earth orbit,

[12:15] and they launch it into the unknowns of outer space.

[12:19] And then, and this is a really cool montage

[12:23] where it's like, you keep seeing the director

[12:25] of the space station greeting people from different countries

[12:28] and then aliens from different planets.

[12:30] And they make a point to change the director,

[12:33] like it's not the same people greeting people every time.

[12:36] No, they get older, and then they get replaced, and yeah.

[12:39] It's a really cool, it's more of an inspiring version

[12:44] of the opening from Up, where time passes very elegantly.

[12:48] Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[12:50] Except, instead of being about a wife learning that she,

[12:53] a woman learning she cannot bear children and then dying,

[12:56] it's about people reaching out into the stars.

[12:59] And the, it has, it reminds me of,

[13:02] it reminded me of the opening credits of Watchmen,

[13:05] where watching it, I was like,

[13:06] wow, I'm kind of excited for the rest of this movie.

[13:09] Like, this is a pretty artfully done thing

[13:11] set to a appropriate popular song.

[13:16] Mm-hmm.

[13:17] Now, cut to 400 years later,

[13:19] and this is what we get into serious

[13:21] European comic book science fiction,

[13:23] like Mobius Codex Seraphinianus type stuff,

[13:25] because we're on, we're with a bald alien lady

[13:28] with shimmery skin on a kind of tropical planet,

[13:31] where they fish, everyone's bald and supermodel thin

[13:36] and all stretched out, and they're on a world

[13:38] where they fish pearls out of the ocean.

[13:40] Yeah, they have a pearl-based economy.

[13:43] They even wash their faces in pearls.

[13:46] Yes, everything's pearls.

[13:46] Then they feed the pearls to a little armadillo-type creature

[13:49] and it shakes its booty around,

[13:51] and then pearls fly out of it.

[13:53] I mean, it shits out pearls, right?

[13:56] Yeah, but they fly, they don't just fly out of the butt,

[13:58] it flies out of like all the pores in his skin,

[14:00] it seems like.

[14:01] Oh, okay.

[14:01] Unless it was just a very classily shot scene

[14:04] of an armadillo shitting pearls out of its butt.

[14:08] And Elliot has experience

[14:09] with non-classily shot versions of that scene.

[14:12] Oh boy, do I ever.

[14:14] That's what working on The Daily Show is all about.

[14:17] It's just trying to get an armadillo to shit pearls

[14:19] in a way that it looks elegant.

[14:21] So you can show it on broadcast television.

[14:23] Anyway, but then there's explosions in the sky.

[14:26] Uh-oh, alien spaceships are all crashing around them.

[14:29] Ah, it leads to explosions.

[14:31] And the bald lady that we followed from the very beginning,

[14:33] from her waking up in the morning

[14:34] and washing her face with pearls

[14:36] to her feeding pearls to an armadillo,

[14:38] she gets killed in the explosion

[14:40] as her family watches through the shield of a spaceship

[14:43] that they are hiding in.

[14:45] And she unleashes a blue light wave

[14:47] that flies across the universe and through space and time.

[14:50] And where does it land?

[14:52] In a beach simulation where Dane DeHaan

[14:54] is just kind of kicking around,

[14:56] lying down and it wakes him up from tanning on a fake beach.

[14:59] And then he argues with Loreline.

[15:02] We're introduced to these two characters,

[15:03] Valerian and Loreline,

[15:04] who are essentially space military spies,

[15:08] but they don't do espionage.

[15:10] They just do the kind of,

[15:11] they do movie spy missions where you go in

[15:13] and you blow up a bunch of stuff

[15:14] or you shoot a bunch of people.

[15:16] Yeah.

[15:18] And they, we have a scene of,

[15:22] let's say, artless flirtation.

[15:26] Yes, they do a lot of,

[15:28] it's this kind of argument flirting

[15:30] that in the best movies is like witty banter

[15:34] that shows that they're putting effort

[15:36] into trying to one-up each other

[15:37] and that's how they express

[15:38] their kind of feelings for each other.

[15:40] And they genuinely don't,

[15:41] she genuinely doesn't seem to like him very much.

[15:43] Loreline genuinely seems to find Dane DeHaan's

[15:46] pawing at her and proposing to her,

[15:50] like to be going too far, to be offensive.

[15:53] Yeah.

[15:54] I think they were shooting for out of sight

[15:59] and they ended up with my memories

[16:02] of being on a subway platform in Germany

[16:07] from when I was in college

[16:09] and me having to pretend I was the boyfriend

[16:11] of the girls I was hanging out with

[16:13] so that they would feel less threatened.

[16:16] Yeah, they don't really seem to like each other.

[16:19] But look, they're partners.

[16:21] They've got to work together.

[16:22] And he's like, hey, I really love you.

[16:25] And she's like, did you say that

[16:26] to all your other conquests?

[16:27] And all these pictures of these women

[16:28] he slept with come up.

[16:29] And this is what I was trying to get.

[16:31] So should I be, should I think it's cool

[16:34] that they cast a guy who is not what I would call

[16:37] movie star handsome in this role?

[16:40] Or as much as, he's not an ugly guy.

[16:42] He's not a terrible looking guy.

[16:44] He's got a certain like geek attractiveness to him, I think.

[16:48] But the fact that he is not a guy

[16:50] who looks like he bagged a million conquests,

[16:52] I was like, movie, come on.

[16:54] But maybe I should be happy that a guy

[16:55] who looks kind of nerdy is doing all this.

[16:57] How should I feel about it?

[16:58] Guys, you're too woke, hashtag me too type of people.

[17:02] How should I feel about it?

[17:05] I mean, like, I'm glad that you read my T-shirt,

[17:08] by the way.

[17:12] I mean, the big problem with this movie,

[17:14] let's just say it off the top,

[17:16] is that the leads are not that charismatic.

[17:21] I find Laureline a little more charismatic than Valerian.

[17:25] Yeah.

[17:26] Because her eyebrow game is on point.

[17:28] Yeah.

[17:29] I think we can all agree to that, right?

[17:30] She is, Isabella Rossellini is rolling in her grave.

[17:35] I would say, I mean, she's not dead,

[17:38] she's still alive, but she sleeps in a grave

[17:40] because she's a vampire, so okay.

[17:41] I'd say not since Kim Novak have we seen

[17:44] dark, bushy eyebrows used so well on an actress's face.

[17:49] But yeah, I find her more charismatic,

[17:51] but the two of them are both kind of assholes.

[17:53] Like, they're both kind of dicks.

[17:55] They don't like each other, they don't like anybody else.

[17:57] They don't seem to give a shit about the lives

[17:59] of the people who get caught

[18:00] in the crossfire of their missions.

[18:02] There's a real, like, diabolic thing,

[18:05] where the comic and the movie, Diabolic,

[18:08] where these are supposed to be the heroes,

[18:09] but they just kill people with impunity,

[18:11] and you're like, I don't like these people.

[18:15] Do you think the casting was like,

[18:17] my guess is that they cast, what, Cara Delevingne?

[18:21] How do you pronounce her name?

[18:22] I've got no idea.

[18:24] It's Cara Delevingne.

[18:26] Oh, okay.

[18:27] Did they cast her first, and then they're like,

[18:29] well, we need a lead who is roughly the same height.

[18:35] Am I guessing that they cast-

[18:35] Like, they need someone who's equally willowy.

[18:38] Yeah, like, I feel like,

[18:40] just looking at the covers of the comics,

[18:44] they probably were shooting for, like,

[18:46] I mean, I could be totally wrong,

[18:47] but they were shooting for, like,

[18:49] a Harrison Ford, Han Solo type.

[18:51] Yes.

[18:53] And then maybe they decided to go more of a YA route,

[18:56] because they do look like they could pass for teenagers.

[19:00] They look young.

[19:01] For a guy who's supposed to be, what, a major in the army,

[19:04] he looks like he's, like, 15 years old.

[19:06] And there's a scene later on where he punches Clive Owen

[19:09] and knocks him out, and I'm like, there is no way.

[19:13] Clive Owen is a huge slab of man.

[19:16] Clive Owen would take that guy apart, yeah.

[19:19] You mentioned Clive Owen, which leads me to say L-O-L-O,

[19:23] but also, that's the weird thing.

[19:25] So my guess behind the casting is they said

[19:27] the effects for this movie are gonna cost

[19:28] about $179 million, so we can't get the biggest stars

[19:32] in the front roles, in the leading roles,

[19:34] and we'll get bigger stars for later on,

[19:36] because, like, Clive Owen's in it,

[19:37] Rihanna's in it, Ethan Hawke's in it,

[19:40] Herbie Hancock, for some reason, has a prominent role.

[19:42] He's not even an actor.

[19:44] Rutger Hauer appears for less than a minute in it

[19:47] as, like, the president of space.

[19:48] And you know Rutger Hauer pulls down those big paychecks.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] He's got that hitch in mind. In Europe, he probably does.

[19:56] Rutger Hauer's one of those guys where it's like,

[19:58] where in America...

[20:00] He like the best he can do is kind of like an HBO made for HBO science fiction movie, but in Europe

[20:05] I'm sure he does he can pull big numbers. You know, I'm talking Alan Moore Bill Sienkiewicz big numbers. That's right

[20:12] The comic book series they never finished. Yeah

[20:16] The only way I think I mean I feel like

[20:20] It reminds me of like how Yodorowsky was trying to cast Salvador

[20:24] Wait a minute. Hold on a second. How have I never heard thought of before the fact that Yodorowsky has Yoda in his name

[20:30] I

[20:32] Think that's where George Lucas got the idea

[20:34] He's always stealing stuff from everybody

[20:36] Yeah

[20:37] Anyway, that makes sense

[20:38] Then why there's that scene in Empire Strikes Back where Yoda has his son training karate for two years to star in a movie

[20:45] That never gets made. Yeah

[20:46] You're saying about Yodorowsky though, but it reminds me of how he was trying to cast Salvador Dali as

[20:52] As the Emperor of the Universe as the Emperor of Space. Yeah, there's such a weird like it's a weird thing of like well

[21:00] I could get an actor

[21:01] But why don't I get a famous musician to learn how to act and be in this role or not bad in it?

[21:07] I mean, he's not terrible in it. But he all he does is basically appear on a VISA screen and give exposition

[21:13] No, but then they also got Rihanna who I guess has you know, she's been in battleship and other yeah

[21:19] She did an okay job in this movie. I thought I mean he did fine

[21:23] I mean her job

[21:24] She's mostly voice acting and there's the one dance scene where she spends half the time being a body double

[21:30] So the you know, she didn't have so much to do and of course Ethan Hawke is a flamboyant

[21:37] Fireball in his scenes. So yeah. Yeah, he wanted to eat up all the scenery in his he's like

[21:43] He's like what what can someone feed this man a hamburger because he's eating all this

[21:48] In his role as a brothel owning space cowboy

[21:54] Anyway

[21:56] But I do think that if anything

[21:59] Sums up the spirit of this movie. It's the fact that there's a brothel owning space cowboy in it

[22:04] Yeah, who has imprisoned a shape-shifting alien lady named bubble

[22:10] So let's so we're still in the beginning of this so date. This is another thing about the movie a very weird thing

[22:16] What happened? We've just seen these bald aliens who do not speak English

[22:19] It's all in an alien language up to that point after that early montage

[22:23] They they live in a culture where they use pearls. They stick them inside of armadillos. The armadillos poop out more pearls

[22:29] There's a huge space battle. Thanks for clarifying

[22:32] This woman dies and a blue beam of light bursts out of her body and wakes up Dane DeHaan and then so all this crazy

[22:39] Stuff has happened and Dane DeHaan goes computer

[22:41] Can you analyze that and the computer goes?

[22:42] It seems someone put memories in your head of an alien culture and it's like well

[22:47] So that's how we're gonna unravel is the computer's just gonna tell him like the movie sets up crazy like

[22:53] Crazy things happen bonkers things and then somebody's just like oh, yeah

[22:57] That's the thing that does such-and-such moving along like there's yeah

[23:02] Yeah, yeah

[23:04] So they go to but anyway, they go on their first mission of the movie. They're special agents

[23:08] They're picking up a rare animal called a converter, which of course is the armadillo that poops pearls

[23:13] You feed it anything and it poops out copies of that thing

[23:17] It's the last one of its kind of the universe

[23:19] And of course, they land on a desert planet and ride a hover school bus to like a space mosque where there's an

[23:27] interdimensional kind of

[23:28] Market bazaar where you have to wear VR goggles

[23:32] There's tourists wearing VR goggles to see this market bazaar world and he has to he has a man like special gloves to interact

[23:40] with

[23:43] He has a box he can stick his hand in so he can point guns at people in this other dimension and

[23:48] he basically he stops a an alien who's like a

[23:52] You know like a job of the hut type and I really who sounded like he was voiced by John Goodman. Was it?

[23:57] Yeah, I think so

[23:59] but he's like a fixer type and

[24:01] He's the he the fixer type is giving the converter or selling the converter to

[24:07] Some bald aliens that look like the ones we saw earlier in the movie

[24:10] I mean, they're very clearly those same that same race of aliens

[24:14] I'm just trying to create the mystery and they give him an exchange one pearl which apparently is super valuable and full of energy, but

[24:21] Valerian's disembodied hand sticking out of a portal with a gun man. It stops them and he takes the converter and the pearl and

[24:29] there's a big chase through the bazaar ensues where and then eventually they have to fight off a big dog lizard as they escape off the

[24:37] planet and him and Loreline are like

[24:39] It's your basic

[24:40] lots of crazy things happening and little jokes along the way and like running into people and going whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa and then

[24:46] Explosions and it's it's just a mad your imagination of what this thing is is basically what it is

[24:51] It goes on for a long time and it's not a bad science fiction chase comedy action sequence

[24:57] But it certainly it let's just say it out stays. It's welcome

[25:01] I was ready for them to get away from this place long before they were out of there

[25:05] And also the bad

[25:08] The bad guy six this big lizard monster on them and the lizard monsters just doing what it's been trained to do and they may

[25:15] Get rid of it by it. It climbs onto the back of their spaceship

[25:18] They take off the spaceship and it falls thousands of miles to the surface of the planet. So it's probably yeah, presumably to its death

[25:25] yeah, I

[25:27] Would have liked it better if it had like a little cartoon puff of smoke at the bottom of it

[25:31] Like Roadrunner cartoon and then it just went out. Yeah

[25:37] Or or if it even even more so if it like held up like a little sign. Yep

[25:42] Okay, so guys, let me tell you my honest opinion the movie at this point in the film

[25:46] Yeah, I was like, this is exactly what I want this movie to be. Yeah, exactly

[25:51] It is like a non-stop crazy science fiction cartoon where I don't think there was one moment where I cared about the plot were the

[25:59] Characters but it was like Lucas on just start keep throwing crazy things at me

[26:03] it wasn't until the last like

[26:05] 20 or so minutes when the plot

[26:07] Kind of kicks in and they're trying to tie things up and they stopped throwing crazy stuff at you that I was like movie

[26:12] Should have should have ended before the movie ended

[26:14] But yeah, I gotta say this was a at by this point. I'm like movie. You've cast a spell on me

[26:20] Yeah, no agreed. I

[26:23] Mean so much of it was so much of it is the leads at this point and

[26:27] Throughout the rest of the movie are so over it and unimpressed with everything they see

[26:32] It's kind of difficult for you the viewer to enjoy it because you're like, yes, should I also think it's dumb?

[26:39] Should I also be annoyed that there's aliens running around?

[26:43] if the characters go over the edge from being cool and cynical to being just yeah, just like assholes who are like, oh

[26:51] This again and it's yeah, it's like movie if you can't be enthusiastic about your movie and like what what am I supposed to do?

[26:57] Yeah, you know

[26:58] But okay, so Valerian escapes they took and with Laura line

[27:02] But I'm gonna say Valerian because he's the one with the name in the title. He must be the important character

[27:06] So Valerian and Laura line escaped they have that that converter and they've got that magic pearl

[27:13] Valerian examines the pearl and the computer again is like, oh, this is full of energy

[27:17] It's from a vanished planet and he goes look at that planet and they say access denied

[27:22] Information on the plot this planet is only for generals

[27:26] Camino or something and frankly it is a lot like Camino

[27:31] Yes, it is a very similar to Camino except Camino always had bad weather

[27:36] Yeah, and it looks like this plan has only good weather

[27:39] So my intellectual property lawyers have no grounds to stand on

[27:43] Yeah much as in Star Wars all the planets have one environment this environment is beautiful beaches all the time

[27:51] never a rain cloud

[27:53] this we're getting to the point where Valerian and Laura line are coming back to the city of a thousand planets and

[27:59] speaking of which what you're saying like the

[28:03] computer gives them a

[28:05] Recap about the city of a thousand planets and it's like all stuff that they should have known already

[28:10] But it's just a little we in the audience can get an information about it and likewise

[28:17] To you know, like a planets all being the same in this place like all

[28:22] Aliens just seem to do one thing. Yes, they've got like the one job for each alien

[28:28] Every there's one aliens that some ideal aliens that handle computers some aliens that handle I guess janitorial

[28:34] There's the aliens and human resources

[28:37] There's the one alien race that just fixes the printer and the copier make sure there's enough toner in it

[28:42] There's the one alien race that it like organizes the birthday parties in the office

[28:47] There's the one there's the alien race. That's just receptionists. There's the alien race that does a lot like data entry

[28:53] Yeah, there's the alien race that is like you're not really sure what they do around there

[28:58] But they've been working there longer than you so you assume that they have a job that you just don't know about

[29:02] There's the alien race that's all middle management that don't really need to be there and they kind of understand that in a way

[29:07] So they're real dicks that they can feel important. There's the alien race

[29:11] That's the boss's son who like he doesn't even show up half the time

[29:15] But you know, he's gonna inherit the company or sorry inherit alpha the city of a thousand planets and you're like, oh, come on

[29:21] He's gonna run it into a ground. There's that one alien race

[29:23] That's always getting caught faxing its resume to other space stations. They all just do the one thing each, right? Yeah, and

[29:30] Here's what that's a good summary. That's a good summary Elliot. Thank you. Thanks, but it is true that Dan like they

[29:36] Supposedly they live on alpha

[29:38] Yeah

[29:38] It's like if you were driving home to New York from some from out of town and your car was like

[29:44] Welcome to New York City

[29:46] population seven or eight million

[29:48] Founded in 1890 whatever when when Manhattan when New York and Brooklyn combined to make the five boroughs and once and you'd be like, okay

[29:55] I get it. You're like it

[29:57] The East Village is where the cool college students

[30:00] Hang on, but also in Williamsburg, you're like, OK, I get it.

[30:03] Thank you.

[30:04] Papaya King serves hot dogs with papaya juice.

[30:08] Who would have thought it?

[30:12] So they go there, they report in and they

[30:15] find that from their immediate superior, there's a secret radioactive thing

[30:20] in the center of Alpha, this field of deadly radiation that keeps

[30:23] getting bigger and everyone they send into it has disappeared.

[30:26] But that's when Commander Clive Owen walks in.

[30:30] Oh, hello.

[30:32] And yes, Stuart, what does he say when he walks in?

[30:34] Says Pip Pip Cheerio, it's me, Clive Owen.

[30:38] And he's got a chimney sweep outfit on, I think.

[30:42] No, his outfit looks more like I was.

[30:44] It looks more like like if Sheriff David Clark merged with like one of the bots or

[30:51] bats from G.I. Joe, because it looks like he's got a big like circuit board strapped

[30:55] to his chest. Mm hmm.

[30:57] Yeah, he is a very his Sheriff Clark character.

[30:59] Yeah. And so they've been so there's this big

[31:03] meeting that's going to go on so that the commander can figure out what's happening

[31:06] with this thing in the center of Alpha and Valerian and Loreline are going

[31:10] to protect him. They've been assigned to and he's like, it's OK.

[31:13] I've got these K-10s.

[31:14] They're these super boss looking robot

[31:17] assassin soldiers that follow me everywhere and they don't have faces.

[31:21] And he's like and they're like, no, we're still going to send Valerian

[31:24] and Loreline with you because they need someone to watch the commander,

[31:28] I assume, because he's going to like run off and have a Ferris Bueller's Day off

[31:32] type adventure if he doesn't have chaperones.

[31:34] And they're like, where's the commander?

[31:36] He's supposed to be at this meeting.

[31:37] And then you hear Don Kershane, except it would be like Astro Don Kershane.

[31:43] I don't know. I feel like the way this movie uses pop

[31:46] music, it would just be Don Kershane. Yeah, I guess so.

[31:49] It'd be like a space dress.

[31:52] Yeah, it would be like a techno Euroclub DJ version of Don Kershane.

[31:57] Anyway, and Loreline,

[31:59] she's befriending the converter who poops out energy pearls for her.

[32:03] But Commander Clive Owen goes off on his own.

[32:06] He's torturing one of these bald aliens.

[32:08] Oh, he wants the converter, but Loreline won't let it go.

[32:12] And does this follow the rule of like the most like the second most famous person is

[32:18] probably the bad guy rule.

[32:20] Yeah, or the most famous person or the most Clive Owen-y person.

[32:24] Yeah, you're right.

[32:25] I mean, I would say that Rihanna is probably the most famous person in the movie.

[32:28] OK, very fair. That's true.

[32:30] I'll give you that.

[32:31] I think as soon as someone shows up in a position of authority or

[32:36] someone who the hero is supposed to trust, who is played by a bigger actor than is

[32:40] needed for a role of that size, you know they're the bad guy.

[32:44] And it's probably English.

[32:45] So like if David Thewlis were to show up in Wonder Woman, per se,

[32:51] you would assume that maybe he might be the baddie.

[32:54] If David Thewlis shows up, you're like you're doing like you're weird.

[32:58] Jeff, Jeff Foxworth, everything that he might be a baddie.

[33:01] That's David Thewlis.

[33:03] And you're appearing in Wonder Woman.

[33:05] You might be a bad guy.

[33:08] If you're Colin Firth and the next most famous person in your group is Toby Young,

[33:14] you might be the baddie.

[33:17] If you're Max von Sydow and Tom Cruise is supposed to trust you,

[33:21] but you seem really creepy, you might be the baddie.

[33:25] If you're Benicio Del Toro and you meet

[33:28] the heroes in a prison cell on an alien planet, you might be the baddie.

[33:34] Come on, do another one.

[33:35] Yeah, there's got to be more of them.

[33:38] If you're James Woods and just about anything, you might be the baddie.

[33:43] Except vampires.

[33:45] Yeah.

[33:46] Yeah, if you're if you're a breathless Mahoney and there's another character

[33:52] who talks with like a weird voice and has no face, you might be the baddie.

[34:01] I'm glad you use that cultural touch from Dick Tracy.

[34:05] Dick Tracy was huge.

[34:06] It was enormous.

[34:07] Yeah.

[34:09] No, no, no, I wanted not a critical hit, though.

[34:12] Not a critic.

[34:13] He was nominated for a couple of Academy

[34:15] Awards for art direction and costumes and stuff and makeup.

[34:18] Oh, sure. Yeah.

[34:19] Best performance by Dustin Hoffman is Mumbles.

[34:26] The Gilbert Gottfried's podcast, he's told the story a couple of times

[34:29] about how he was up for that role of Mumbles and auditioned for Warren Beatty

[34:34] and Warren Beatty was like, it's great, I want you for it.

[34:36] And, you know, let's do this.

[34:37] And then he didn't hear anything for a while.

[34:39] And his agent was like, oh, they hired Dustin Hoffman to do it.

[34:42] And I wonder if it's like Warren Beatty was like Dustin Hoffman was like,

[34:47] Warren, I want to play Mumbles.

[34:49] It's the part I've wanted to play since I was a kid.

[34:51] I've always loved Mumbles.

[34:52] And Warren Beatty was like, but I promised it to Gilbert Gottfried.

[34:55] And Dustin Hoffman was like, it's me, Dusty, your Ishtar buddy.

[34:59] Come on, you got to let me play Mumbles.

[35:01] Come on. And he's like, oh, all right.

[35:03] And Warren Beatty was like, I'll make it up to you someday, Gilbert.

[35:06] And Warren Beatty started a little company

[35:08] called Aflac, and now, you know, the rest of the story.

[35:11] Oh, wow.

[35:13] Thanks for filling in the back story there, Elliot.

[35:15] So in this movie, so anyway, Clive Owens is a bad guy.

[35:19] So, you know, Clive Owens is a bad guy because he's also he might as well be

[35:22] rubbing his hands and shifting his eyes from one side to the other the entire time

[35:26] he's on screen. And also, let's remember that he was in

[35:29] Croupier, which is kind of a sinister movie in a lot of ways.

[35:32] So

[35:34] so there's a council meeting.

[35:35] Valerian goes in, Loreline has to wait out in the hallway.

[35:38] And she has a conversation with these three kind of like

[35:41] these three or Watto.

[35:43] They look kind of like Watto from episode one.

[35:45] It's like little gargoyle long nose things where information brokers and always

[35:50] want money because if it's a science fiction movie and there's no reason for

[35:53] this in a science fiction movie, the characters who are always interested

[35:57] in money have to have long snouts. I don't know why.

[36:00] I don't know what that means, but it's always the long snouted things that want

[36:04] money. It's always characters or aliens with big noses that for some reason are

[36:08] obsessed with money and putting prices on things.

[36:10] I don't work the kind of market.

[36:13] I couldn't guess what I couldn't guess what the coding would be for that, though.

[36:17] Is there a real world equivalent?

[36:19] I can't think of one that that part where that part was money,

[36:25] that part where she said, yeah, they never forget where their money is or if you owe

[36:28] them anything, the part where she said, can I take out a loan?

[36:31] And they said, yes, with interest,

[36:33] because our religion allows us to charge interest, whereas yours does not.

[36:37] That's why we've been pushed into this economic sphere.

[36:40] I mean, that I don't know what it could possibly mean that all these long nosed

[36:43] aliens in science fiction movies love money.

[36:45] But anyway, and they they got into an elevator together and she had to push

[36:49] the button because it was the Shabbat because it was because it was astro shop.

[36:56] Anyway, so that she they she sell they sell

[37:00] her some information about a major who was murdered recently,

[37:03] who seems to have known something about that planet.

[37:05] But an alarm goes off.

[37:06] There's an attack by the bald aliens and they shoot everyone with this goop that

[37:09] doesn't kill them, it just incapacitates them.

[37:11] But Valerian escapes using a mouth that a mouth mounted spider bot that comes out

[37:17] and cuts a cuts a hole for him because this movie is constantly showing you

[37:20] inventions that nobody uses ever again, which is something I kind of like about it.

[37:25] And so this is the same aliens from the beginning of the movie and they show up

[37:30] and they shoot their like jizz cannons all over everybody.

[37:32] Yeah,

[37:34] and they seem to have some kind of technology

[37:36] that blocks normal guns from shooting them back.

[37:40] Yeah, something like that.

[37:42] They kidnap the commander and Valerian chases them a while.

[37:46] So we get another amazing chase or it's just a chase through Alpha.

[37:50] And this one was a little too video gamey for me.

[37:52] What do you guys think?

[37:54] Well, the thing that we noted was that

[37:57] Valerian is just sort of shooting randomly around in a giant city like the Space

[38:03] Station City. And and we also didn't know kind of what his end game was.

[38:08] If he was like shooting at the spaceship

[38:10] that contained the commander that he was trying to get back.

[38:13] Yes. The commander immune to laser blasts.

[38:16] I think when you become a commander,

[38:17] they give you a special pill that makes you immune to laser blasts.

[38:20] Yeah.

[38:22] But he it was pretty I mean, I don't know,

[38:25] like I feel like video gaming is too often used as a catch all term for just

[38:29] like action movie with special effects, but it did fit.

[38:33] And it also felt like he was running through the habitats or the biospheres

[38:39] for each of the alien races that were introduced to us by the computer when they

[38:43] were pulling into Alpha. Yeah.

[38:46] So it's like, did they only put that in earlier?

[38:49] So we would so we would get the areas he was running around.

[38:54] I mean, maybe so that when he starts

[38:56] swimming through an underwater area, we're not like, wait a minute,

[38:58] there's an ocean on this space station.

[39:01] Yeah. Were they worried we would choke on our

[39:04] gushers that we're eating or bonkers, which one we're allowed to eat?

[39:08] Do they serve

[39:10] do they serve gushers in movie theaters anymore?

[39:13] Oh, yeah.

[39:14] I'm silver trays. You have to order it only in Alamo.

[39:17] You put your card up and then a French

[39:19] waiter comes by with a silver tray and says, your gusher, missus.

[39:23] And then you take it.

[39:24] Then he opens an umbrella because your head turns into a piece of fruit.

[39:27] Then squirts juice all over everybody.

[39:30] Yeah. And they call in the mortician to clean

[39:32] it up because your head is exploded and you're dead now.

[39:35] They're like another kid with his brain transmuted into gusher juice.

[39:39] Why do they keep them on the market?

[39:41] Yeah, we should probably stop selling these things.

[39:43] Yeah, and the cops going to crush it under his boot.

[39:47] And the theatrical agent goes, what a great trick.

[39:50] And the kid is now dead from the gusher goes, yeah, but I can only do it once.

[39:54] And their ghost goes to hell.

[39:56] Oh, wow. It was for other reasons, though.

[40:00] Because they did bad things in their life. It's not because it's not like God is not like got your death instant

[40:05] Hell, no, no, no people. There's some people go to heaven after gushers makes their head explode the Dalai Lama

[40:10] That's how the last Dalai Lama before this one died. Also, I think that's how Rosa Parks died was a gusher explosion

[40:17] Well, we're getting yeah area here

[40:20] Well, you think the Parks family is gonna sue us for libel

[40:23] Now in who framed Roger Rabbit when the weasel turned into ghosts did they fly up to heaven

[40:30] I think they did they were shown with with harps that makes me question a lot of things about Christianity guys

[40:37] Stewart it's called the mystery of God's grace. Yeah. Okay. We don't decide who gets to heaven

[40:43] He does and the question has a ball. The question is would a loving God allow a hell to exist in the first place

[40:49] Oh, wow, you know who famed Roger Rabbit brings up a lot of questions. Yeah

[40:54] Dan if there's a world where judge doom is not going to cartoon hell then I don't even want to live in it

[40:59] Oh, come on. He killed that innocent boot just to show them how the how the goop works. Come on

[41:06] I think he calls it dip, right?

[41:09] Yeah, it was a different branded property. Yeah. Yeah, that's true

[41:12] I know the originally in the original version the boot had to

[41:15] Buy some had to buy some questionable medical products from Gwyneth Paltrow and that's how it died

[41:22] Yeah, and Robert Zemeckis was like this is an unwieldy way to threaten the characters

[41:31] Can't we make it like some kind of a dip and

[41:34] And that he just made it up on the set and they had to rewrite a lot of the film to fit that

[41:38] Yeah, he was looking around and there was a sick spinach dip on the podium

[41:43] They're like just use this and Christopher Lloyd was like I didn't rehearse using a dip

[41:48] I'm going back to my trailer and they had to talk him back onto the set

[41:51] Christopher Lloyd does not like last-minute changes. You got to believe that I heard on the set of a

[41:57] Piranha 3d that he was he was really he was like nothing about this movie has to change or else I'm out

[42:03] Yeah, and he kept saying stuff like well on the set of suburban commando Hulk Hogan did this

[42:10] They're like we got it dude, yeah, he kept flexing and talking about his 24 pythons running wild

[42:18] He was like I was just afraid of those snakes I didn't want those snakes to run wild on me and they're like Oh

[42:23] Christopher Oh Lloyd like should we tell him and

[42:27] Hulk Hogan was in the back going don't tell him he thinks they're real snakes

[42:32] Yeah, I don't know what kind of game he's playing to make sure that he needs Christopher Lloyd to think that he that he's got a

[42:38] couple of snakes Oh

[42:40] Hogan's like I forced him to put me in his will by telling him my arms can turn into snakes like that one he-man character

[42:48] This is a weird place we've gotten to

[42:51] Well, no weirder no weirder than the movie Valerian and the city of a thousand planets dad because let me tell you what happens next

[42:57] Valerian has entered some kind of zone and he can't get out of lower line is taken into custody, but she escapes

[43:02] She's gonna go after him and the general who's the commanding officer says I want to find out more about this planet where the Baldi's come

[43:08] From and finds he's been locked out of the file to only the commander can get in

[43:12] Loreline does what anyone else would do to find their missing partner

[43:15] She uses her three information gargoyles to hire a pirate in a submarine to steal a brain

[43:21] Jellyfish off of an underwater dinosaur and then stick her head in its butt so it can read her memories and then tell her where

[43:27] Valerian is

[43:28] Basically show her images from the movie that we just saw five minutes ago

[43:34] Yeah, I don't know if that's her memories or that's the image the brain jellyfish projects which means

[43:41] Did the brain jellyfish make the movie we're watching?

[43:44] I mean, that's what Descartes was really asking about. It's possible that our heads are just stuffed up brain jellyfish butts

[43:50] And we're just being fed in a movie that we think is our life. That's the basis of philosophy

[43:55] I feel like my idea that Luke Besson was writing this and he's like, all right

[44:00] I need to figure out a way that Loreline can find out where Valerian is. What is the simplest?

[44:06] Adaptation of the brain jellyfish?

[44:09] So I can cut a path through this narrative thicket

[44:14] That's I have to believe that the jellyfish is a movie bootlegger already saw Valerian and like is just showing her what?

[44:21] What he filmed in the theater

[44:24] Long story short she finds Valerian. She revives it and then she finds Valerian

[44:29] She finds Valerian and then she finds Valerian and then she finds Valerian and then she finds Valerian

[44:35] Long story short she finds Valerian she revives him and uh

[44:40] The general frees the the alien that the commander had been torturing who lets out a blue flash of his own

[44:46] uh, Valerian and Loreline they get caught by some big tubby alien fishermen who

[44:51] Kidnap Loreline to we find out later have her brain eaten by their king. Although she gets to where

[44:58] So they get caught by these fishing aliens. Yeah, and

[45:02] So Loreline first gets caught and then Valerian gets caught intentionally and immediately just shoots the guy who caught him

[45:10] Which makes me a question. Why didn't Loreline just shoot the guy who caught her?

[45:14] That's a very good point. I mean, I guess it speaks to the difference in character between our two leads

[45:19] I mean Valerian is more of a shoot first ask questions

[45:22] Never a character and Loreline is more of a get stuck inside of a wicker basket

[45:26] And somehow not be able to find her way out character. Yeah

[45:30] Yeah, and of course this is after they had another conversation about whether they should get married or not, but uh

[45:36] So Valerian has it's weird instead of shooting us

[45:39] So she's been taken to a place that is kind of like a barbarian no-go zone

[45:43] And the only way to get in there without starting a diplomatic incident

[45:46] He says is to go in disguise. How are you going to do that?

[45:50] You got to go to the kind of sin alley area, which is called paradise alley

[45:54] Where it's full of outer space hookers, including one dressed as jessica rabbit from who framed roger rabbit

[45:58] Yeah, and he needs a lamp. That's called an easter egg elliot for the true fans

[46:03] Because he's a rabbit and also to kind of validate our arguments earlier about judge doom

[46:11] Yeah, see dan it made sense that we went down that rabbit hole because there's a roger rabbit reference in this movie

[46:17] And also I have to admit

[46:19] It makes me wonder why I haven't seen more jessica rabbit themed cosplay pornography. Maybe i'm just not seeing it

[46:26] I think you're just not looking dude. Oh, it's got you think it's there

[46:30] Uh, yeah, i'm i'm gonna guess it's there

[46:34] I don't know for sure. Why is dan looking at me? I don't know

[46:38] Because stewart is saying saying I don't know for sure

[46:40] I'm starting to sweat with a like face that makes it me suggest that he does know for sure

[46:46] I mean, I guess maybe i'm just being too vanilla heteronormative when i'm like

[46:51] Why is there so much porn about like a transformer having sex with sonic?

[46:56] Yeah, or like sonic being pregnant with knuckles baby and very little about jessica rabbit

[47:00] but maybe it's because the itch that jessica rabbit scratches is easily scratched by

[47:05] your mainstream heteronormative pornography whereas

[47:09] To go you gotta go to the internet to find your sonic carrying knuckles's baby pornography. Yeah

[47:14] Yeah, I mean that's is that the case if we were to like make one of those memes where the brain gets

[47:20] filled with more and more electricity

[47:22] Oh, yeah, rabbit pornography is way on top

[47:25] We're talking about there's very little electricity. Yeah. Yeah, and then bottom it's like

[47:30] Bart simpson has eaten mario who is pregnant with sonic's baby or something

[47:37] So what would be in the middle of that?

[47:39] uh

[47:41] Wow, I don't know. I i'm not interested in that sort of thing so I can't even bring my brain to think about it

[47:46] Okay. Well, so he's got to go to paradise alley to get a glamopod to disguise himself

[47:51] We never find out I think what a glamopod is unless it is what he manages to get I think it's ethan

[47:57] Is it more mentioned?

[47:59] Is it what isn't it what he gets?

[48:01] I don't know. I don't know because I thought it was like a piece of technology

[48:05] But what happens is ethan hawke space cowboy brings him in to watch rihanna slash rihanna's body double do a pole dance

[48:12] Uh for a while where he she keeps shape shapeshifting into different fetish based costumes. She's a school girl

[48:19] She's a nurse all that kind of stuff. Uh

[48:22] and

[48:23] He says to her i'm gonna free you in exchange for your help

[48:26] And he uses a hidden gun to zap ethan hawke and they escape

[48:30] With him wearing the shapeshifter who it turns out is a kind of globular being named bubble who still sounds like rihanna

[48:36] So maybe she's a glamopod. Maybe that's what that is

[48:39] Uh, this is about they go in

[48:42] that this whole adventure where uh

[48:45] Laura line is captured by these monsters and he has to find this glamopod to get go get her

[48:51] like this is the point in the movie where i'm like

[48:53] I wish all the people who saw the last jedi and was and were angry about the casino scene

[48:59] Thinking that it had no bearing on the rest of the plot watch valerian in the city of a thousand planets

[49:05] There's so many side adventures that just like serve to prolong the movie and they're fun. They're all fun side adventures

[49:11] The movie it's one of those movies where the plot only exists to give us a reason to leave the plot to go on side adventures

[49:17] Yeah, because you're right this whole sequence, which I thought which which is pretty fun

[49:21] And she gets and laura line who's been trying on dresses this whole time

[49:25] Because an alien is forcing her to try on dresses gets to wear a huge white hat that we only realize at the last minute

[49:31] Is a platform

[49:32] So that the top of her head sticks out so they can

[49:35] Cut the top of her head off so that this alien emperor can eat her brain. It just looks like a huge sun hat

[49:40] Uh this whole sequence. Yeah, it has no bearing on the rest of the movie. It's totally unnecessary

[49:46] And the diplomatic incident they were referring to does not happen even after I mean kill everyone there

[49:52] Yeah, it's just like state sanctioned assassination where these agents show up and just murder the leader of this

[49:57] Yeah, it goes to all this trouble of snitching

[50:00] King in there with this glamour pod and then he eventually just shucks her off

[50:04] of him and like goes around as Valerian himself killing everybody and killing

[50:08] everyone yeah and then and then the and then Rihanna's glamour pod dies and

[50:13] she's like thanks so much and it's like why do you like you gave me a taste of

[50:20] freedom you're the best and you should she should marry you uh and it's she

[50:25] turns into an Egyptian Pharaoh and then crumbles into dust and you're like yeah

[50:30] you're like wait a minute so this carrot it like that was the one moment of one

[50:33] of the moments the movie where I was like these heroes are jerks like just

[50:37] basically hired this basically if the hero of the movie went to a strip club

[50:43] told a stripper I'm gonna wear you as a you as a costume you have to help me

[50:48] save somebody and then you're gonna die that's not a hero heroic thing to do

[50:52] yeah I mean I and when you make it when you lay it out like that I guess it

[50:56] doesn't sound heroic so I gotta change words to glamour pod and diplomatic

[51:02] incident etc etc now Valerian tells Loreline this alien bald princess that

[51:08] put a dream in his head has been guiding him this whole time have we said he had

[51:11] seen any evidence of that happening no I don't think we have they go into the

[51:15] dead zone which it turns out is totally livable there's no radiation there

[51:20] there's just a portal to some kind of alien place where the baldy aliens are

[51:24] and they find that uh they that's where they're and that's where they've

[51:29] kidnapped the commander the bald Emperor who is a male character but has a female

[51:34] voice says that when the when they die they can release their souls into other

[51:38] people that they choose as their guardians and the princess when she died

[51:41] chose Valerian as her soul guardian I don't know why they haven't met each

[51:46] other before that I mean it's it it's kind of like a random tinder hookup yeah

[51:49] to be honest in a movie with a lot of stuff this seems unnecessary the whole

[51:55] like sending her spirit out to guide him yeah right like they were already on a

[52:01] mission their mission was they were already set on the path to where they

[52:05] end up yeah they didn't also need to have memories implanted in his head no

[52:10] it's a it's completely superfluous and unnecessary and adds another layer of

[52:14] like chosen one to this which as you guys know is my favorite type of plot

[52:19] device someone being a chosen one and there being a prophecy of some kind

[52:23] anyway they tell their backstory which we all could have guessed by now they

[52:27] lived in peace on this planet there was a big battle somebody gave the command

[52:31] to fight above the planet and kill everybody there guess what it was

[52:34] commander Clive Owen well what a surprise what a big secret and he's and

[52:38] he erased all the information about this planet from the database he killed the

[52:42] major who was there when he gave the command and told him that the planet was

[52:45] inhabited to cover up his crimes and in destroying this inhabited planet it's

[52:50] the kind of stuff that uh if I can get political for a moment sure kind of

[52:54] stuff that uh that our leaders do with the military kind of like every other

[52:59] day where it's like there's terrorists in this building blow it up boom oh it

[53:04] turns out it was a wedding we killed a lot of children well let's go so I don't

[53:08] know that it would be such a scandal in real life people would be like fog of

[53:12] war man he did what he had to do blah blah blah blah blah anyway I mean they

[53:16] do yeah but a whole planet what were they doing making pearls out of

[53:19] armadillo's butts they sound weird it was kind of hard for me to wrap my brain

[53:23] around the yeah the exact stakes involved because it was a little bit

[53:26] like well they're already having a space battle and he just blew up that ship it

[53:31] doesn't seem that it doesn't seem that crazy you guys are apologize apologists

[53:36] for genocide no just the opposite day and we're saying that we live in a

[53:40] cynical fallen world where unfortunately that kind of stuff happens

[53:44] all the time and nobody cares about it and Dan maybe your liberal guilt makes

[53:48] you feel like oh well I read about this in the New Yorker I feel so bad for a

[53:52] moment oh where's my avocado toast blah nyam nyam nyam let me pet my cat as

[53:56] people are being killed by our government in our name overseas but you

[54:00] know what they're not Americans I'm never gonna meet them so they might as

[54:03] well not exist their shadows they're not even full human beings why don't I sit

[54:07] here and watch fucking tales from the crypt or whatever with all the

[54:10] electricity and clean water and food that I want oh and all the girls you

[54:13] would ever need to wash your face with yeah I ordered too much food I'll throw

[54:18] away half of it cuz I don't care I live in first world luxury even though my

[54:22] government's destabilizing countries on the other side of the world wake up Dan

[54:26] wake up that's fair that does sound like me also it's a pretty good question also

[54:32] wake up San Francisco with your host Danny Tanner yeah but at this point in

[54:36] the movie like you said they explain what we already kind of guessed and they

[54:41] do it like five times yes yeah they keep and they really think that either

[54:47] whoever's watching this is super dumb or that you have been so pummeled into

[54:51] bonkersness by all the things you've been seeing that you can't hold

[54:54] information in your head anymore they have to keep repeating it to you like

[54:57] you're you've been memento eyes by this movie and you can't remember more than a

[55:01] couple seconds in the past then exists a standoff Clive Owen gets a chew a

[55:08] little bit of scenery show those acting chops of his there's they knock him out

[55:14] with a single punch because valerian super tough and the aliens explain like

[55:21] oh we just need this the magic stuff that you just brought us so that we can

[55:26] live in harmony and peace forever see you later we'll find another planet with

[55:30] a spaceship we built we need the converter and a pearl valerian gives

[55:33] him the pearl and lower lines about to give him the converter and he's like

[55:36] whoa whoa whoa we're under orders to deliver that converter to ought to Alpha

[55:40] I follow the rules I'm a soldier and it's like dude you just punched out the

[55:44] commander-in-chief of the army like now you're gonna balk at breaking the rules

[55:48] like they come on come on he doesn't seem to follow the rules much up until

[55:54] this point that's really not ever been a rule he barely seems to follow the rules

[55:58] for consent but in the end she says to him you gotta have you got to trust

[56:05] people and they give the converter but then there's an even bigger standoff she

[56:10] kisses him when he gives the converter over shouldn't even have him been his

[56:14] decision to make frankly but that point human troops who went to go save

[56:19] valerian show up they show up with those robo droids and the commander gives the

[56:24] command for the robo droids to start shooting everybody how the droids heard

[56:27] him I don't know he's behind a portal yeah but his voice I mean he's got one

[56:32] of those voices that just carries you know that's true that's why it's why

[56:37] yes everyone was telling him hush keep it down now Clive Owen carries and

[56:43] remember that song yeah that's great you nailed it tell Tuesday they anyway but

[56:51] then the fight goes it goes crazy the robo troops are shooting everybody they

[56:56] set their bombs with it with a timer everywhere and the there's gonna be

[57:01] explosives that go off the the general who up to this point has just kind of

[57:05] stood in the same place on the same set barking orders that people his assistant

[57:10] a character that we've barely gotten to know up till this point risks his life

[57:14] in the crossfire to turn the turn the bombs off and manages to do it one

[57:18] second left in the countdown uh-oh and Valera and these robo soldiers who have

[57:23] been mowing down the regular troops Valerian single-handedly takes down all

[57:28] of them using like a pistol yeah and a lot of a lot of jumps yeah a lot of

[57:33] flips and jumps he Yoda Rowski really taught him his Jedi training to do a lot

[57:37] of flips when he was on dig about Rowski in Star Wars Rowski then it just like

[57:45] Star Wars but everyone just has Rowski at the end of their name yeah I got it

[57:48] do you get it Dan a little behind on this one yeah I'm a little slow on this

[57:52] one I don't know if I follow well it wasn't very good so that's okay okay in

[57:58] the end everything turns out fine they say arrest the commander the aliens take

[58:04] off in their spaceship to another planet because all they need is pearls to make

[58:09] their planet live again just like in the original version of the Beatles song all

[58:12] you need is pearls and then people were like that's not really a universal

[58:16] message it's hard for some people to get pearls and John Lennon was like I don't

[58:20] give a shit just change it to love or something and it turned into all you

[58:23] need is love now you know the rest of the story and Valerian and Loreline are

[58:28] often a cap space capsule floating somewhere and she and he proposes again

[58:33] and she starts kissing him and he says is that a yes and she says call it a

[58:37] maybe and in classic James Bond style it is implied that they will now have sex

[58:41] while they wait to be rescued yeah we have left you are now leaving the city

[58:47] of a thousand planets and then then we get some bloopers right yeah some loops

[58:52] no there were any bloopers guys I'm just I was like you made me so excited I was

[58:57] like wait did I miss the bloops so guys this is the most expensive non-american

[59:05] movie ever made yes and also the most expensive independently financed movie

[59:11] since it was made between seems to have been made by Lucas on and then all the

[59:16] banks who got producer credits that were early in the movie yeah there's a

[59:21] lot of things get listed as producers before the stars of your movie are

[59:25] listed that's not a good sign they may be the baddies mm-hmm

[59:29] okay they don't go over there sorry the cats on the table that's not a euphemism

[59:35] yeah I feel like Dan is testing his new catchphrase oh kitty don't go over there

[59:47] Dan oh I invited I invited my boss over the same night we were gonna have your

[59:53] wild bachelor party oh kitty don't go over there it's like it's your kind of

[59:58] like talk to the hand I guess or like

[1:00:00] Caramba

[1:00:01] But yeah, this is a hugely expensive movie. I mean, it looks hugely expensive

[1:00:05] Yeah, there are I don't know that there are any shots in the entire movie that are not effects shots

[1:00:10] Yeah, there's everything. There's always stuff flying around

[1:00:14] There's always CGI monsters the sheer variety of CGI monsters is it's crazy. They're all over the place

[1:00:20] Yeah, I love I love all the wacky alien design. That shit's great. And I'm gonna I'm just gonna be honest with you guys

[1:00:26] Yeah, like I was saying earlier except for the last 20 minutes or so

[1:00:30] I really enjoyed this movie because it was just a non-stop parade of side quests and wacky aliens

[1:00:34] Yeah, it's just like colorful explosions and monsters as always

[1:00:39] We've jumped into Final Judgments without actually saying they were doing Final Judgments

[1:00:43] Judgments did you did you did you do whether it's a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like Elliot says

[1:00:48] It's a movie kind of liked I would say it's a movie

[1:00:50] I kind of liked and like on Twitter Stuart hinted we were doing this movie and someone tweeted back and was like

[1:00:56] Oh, it's so bad. And I want it to be like sir

[1:00:58] I think you may be a little disappointed in my rating because aside from the fact that one the leads are not particularly charismatic

[1:01:05] And the characters they're playing are real pieces of junk real mean

[1:01:09] to the plot is I never cared about three the last 20 minutes are

[1:01:14] Repetitive because it's Mexican standoff Mexican standoff and then we got it

[1:01:18] Stop this detonation and shoot shoot shoot other than those things and also the fact that uh the whole time I was watching it

[1:01:25] I felt a little bit like I was in a sort of dream haze state

[1:01:29] Because I was having trouble following all the colorful things flying around at all the times

[1:01:34] Other than those things. This was exactly what I wanted out of a kind of Euro space opera crazy film

[1:01:41] Yeah, I feel like if I had

[1:01:45] Started the movie

[1:01:46] Gone over to settings

[1:01:48] Gone over to language

[1:01:51] chosen French

[1:01:53] Subtitles English, I would have liked the movie a little more. Ah, so, how did you feel about it?

[1:01:58] You didn't like it so much. Um, I would say I'm kind of in between between

[1:02:03] A movie I kind of liked in a bad bad movie because it's not like it's not really a good bad movie

[1:02:09] But like no anytime anytime the movie pauses for breath to like explain the plot the whole thing whole operation grinds to a halt

[1:02:17] that's true, it looks gorgeous and

[1:02:19] But and I like I like a lot of this stuff about it, but yeah, you know, I

[1:02:28] Think I probably liked it the most of the three of us

[1:02:32] Did I get bored? Yes, I got bored at times

[1:02:35] I feel like because you don't have a lot of investment in the major characters and the plot of the movie is so

[1:02:43] Convoluted that you don't have like the stakes are a little weird

[1:02:47] It's easy to get a

[1:02:50] little distracted after a while, even though beautiful things are happening on the screen, but

[1:02:55] For the most part again, other than the things that Elliot said, I really had a great time

[1:03:00] I I mean

[1:03:01] I really I really I enjoyed it in a way that I I didn't think I was going to and you got to give

[1:03:06] Points to any movie where you hire a pirate in a mini-sub to steal a jellyfish off a dinosaur

[1:03:13] So you can stick your head in its butt so it can give you information

[1:03:17] Yeah, like I'm just saying give that movie all the Academy Awards right now

[1:03:20] Yeah, I feel like if I feel like if they just made the central plot

[1:03:25] simpler

[1:03:27] It would have been better like you could have just as many. Oh, yeah

[1:03:31] It's one of the things that makes Mad Max Fury Road. So great is that the basic plot is very straightforward

[1:03:37] But there's plenty of room for crazy shit to happen in the edges

[1:03:41] Well what this movie gives us is the best and the worst of Luc Besson

[1:03:45] The best is that from a visual standpoint? He's super. He's always got super imagination

[1:03:51] He knows how to do like crazy fast-paced action sequences, and there's lots of style

[1:03:55] But the the bad weaknesses is he's never been great with plot. He over complicates everything and he confuses kind of

[1:04:04] He confuses a cool character for a an unfeeling character

[1:04:09] Yeah, and especially when one of the subplots is that

[1:04:12] Valerian really wants to marry Loraline and the whole time you're like why you don't seem to like her very much

[1:04:18] She doesn't seem to like you very much

[1:04:20] Like what's the deal? You're both too cool

[1:04:23] TCFS too cool for school, you know

[1:04:27] Yeah

[1:04:28] Okay

[1:04:29] That's okay. So that so we gave Valerian a I say movie

[1:04:33] I kind of liked Stewart says he's not sure and Dan says favorite movie of all time

[1:04:39] Moving on Dan's confirming that it's confirmed. He didn't say no better than stop making sense raves Dan McCoy

[1:04:47] That's right

[1:04:51] Hey, this is Griffin McElroy, hi, this is Rachel McElroy and we've got a new podcast on maximum fun called wonderful wonderful

[1:04:57] It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about things like

[1:05:03] Overalls 24-hour pseudofed the grand prize game the fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators

[1:05:09] The soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy the beach potion we call bud light line all these things and more every Wednesday

[1:05:15] And we'll also talk about things that you're excited about you can find us on maximum fun org or iTunes or wherever

[1:05:20] I don't know just search wonderful. Google it you'll probably get there

[1:05:23] Hey

[1:05:27] You with the headphones just between you and me the max fun store just got some of that sweet sweet new merchant stock

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[1:05:49] So we've got a few

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[1:05:52] for the show

[1:05:56] Yeah, are you sure you sure you want to do this with us here

[1:05:58] What do you prefer one of your now classic solo ad reads? No, I would love to do it with you here

[1:06:05] But I'm scrolling through my phone. I'm sorry that I'm taking a delay here

[1:06:12] It's just a sign for LA at night a vamp a little bit

[1:06:14] Yeah

[1:06:15] No

[1:06:15] Now in a situation like this normally Dan would ask us a question and we would answer it while he looks up the stuff on

[1:06:20] His phone seamless. Nobody knows that he's just covering up that he's not prepared and doesn't know what he's doing

[1:06:25] But instead he blurted it out loud and left it to me to call attention to that even more

[1:06:30] So as a way to fill the time

[1:06:32] Stewart what's your play-by-play on this? How do you feel about it?

[1:06:37] well

[1:06:39] I'm trying to think has there been a movie made of a

[1:06:43] European cartoon that's been good like a European comic book. That's been a good I

[1:06:49] Mean I've never saw that tin-tan movie

[1:06:53] Was that one good tan-tan? Yeah, I

[1:06:55] Like the tinted movie a lot. Okay, I haven't seen it yet. I'm not pretty yet. Oh, you thought what?

[1:07:01] I thought it was the Indiana Jones movie that Crystal Skull should have been

[1:07:06] Mm-hmm. And what about what about that the asterix and obelisk movie with Jared Depardieu?

[1:07:14] What about the one where Roberto Benigni plays the Emperor of Rome, yeah. Yeah. What about that one?

[1:07:19] Yeah, you love those asterix movies, right Dan. Yeah

[1:07:23] I

[1:07:24] Wasn't even aware that they existed

[1:07:26] They're huge movies. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I like the comics

[1:07:32] That's not what we're talking about though. Let's talk about Blue Apron instead. Okay

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[1:07:55] Ingredients. Yeah, you know, you know, it's the best thing about those ranchers because they're sustainable and because they're giving great food to you

[1:08:02] They're happy. You might even call them jolly ranchers. I

[1:08:06] Was waiting for it. Yeah

[1:08:09] You left that money on the table, you know, it's gonna snatch that dollar

[1:08:12] Yeah, come on you say ranchers I'm gonna add jolly to it

[1:08:16] Ingredients come paired with an easy-to-follow recipe card delivered to your door weekly in a refrigerated box. How do they refrigerate?

[1:08:24] Wait, Dan, that was the part that shocked me the most but it's a box

[1:08:32] Most refrigerators are boxes. All right

[1:08:36] That was that was the most that was the most

[1:08:38] Childlike I've ever seen you in the way that kids get really excited when they see a box because they can play with it

[1:08:43] Yeah a box

[1:08:45] Well, look you should rediscover how fun cooking can be while enjoying specially ingredients and exploring new flavors and cuisines

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[1:09:06] Yeah, and hey, you don't have to order it for yourself you can get it for someone else

[1:09:10] We used to talk about this and it's still a good idea. Do you know a friend who recently had a child?

[1:09:14] Do you have a friend who's recovering from a surgery? Do you know a friend who for whatever reason?

[1:09:19] It's having trouble taking care of themselves right now

[1:09:21] Get him a blue apron membership and that food gets delivered right to their door and it saves them time

[1:09:27] Saves you the effort of having to go there in person. Yeah

[1:09:31] You don't have to make any sort of convalescent calls and it's gonna be it's gonna be a little bit healthier than just

[1:09:37] Getting takeout all the time. Yeah. Yes

[1:09:40] Our other

[1:09:41] Sponsor for this episode is zip recruiter. Are you hiring? Yeah. Oh, yeah

[1:09:47] Really? What are you hiring for? I've got a new company. Okay, maybe you're gonna like it

[1:09:53] Okay, so I was inspired by this movie that I don't know if you've seen it

[1:09:56] It's called valerian and the city of a thousand planets and I was thinking about

[1:10:00] Okay

[1:10:01] How many planets are there out there?

[1:10:03] Nobody knows it's time for us to find out so I figured I would hire somebody to count all the planets and not you know

[1:10:10] What and to really do it right not to just be like Earth Mars Mercury. There's three

[1:10:15] No

[1:10:15] I want you to count all the planets and I don't care how many kids place mats with pictures of the solar system on it

[1:10:20] You need to go through to get make sure you've got an accurate count of all the planets because there's gotta be what Dan how?

[1:10:26] Many planets do you think like 10 at least? Yeah, like yeah, like like like a 12

[1:10:32] Well in the whole universe is gonna be like at least 12

[1:10:34] So I want to hire someone to count these planets and it's you know what I'm not making money off this

[1:10:39] I just want to have it done so that

[1:10:41] Humanity has the science and we know in the future how many planets there are but I need to hire somebody

[1:10:46] I can't just walk out of my house and yell

[1:10:48] Somebody count some planets for me and hope someone's gonna hear it and show up if I take a bottle

[1:10:53] Put a message in it throw it up in the air

[1:10:55] It's just gonna fall back down and smash on the ground

[1:10:57] That's not gonna help me

[1:10:58] Well, if I if I put a note on a carrier pigeon

[1:11:02] Someone's gonna catch that pigeon and eat it throw the note away after wiping their face on it now

[1:11:06] How am I gonna find someone to hire for this? What is this hobo universe you're living in?

[1:11:10] I live I live you know how there's all these different earths in the DC universe

[1:11:15] I live on Earth hobo. Okay, there's lots of empty bottles lying around and people are always catching pigeons neaten them. Yeah

[1:11:23] All right. Well here here this will help you posting your position to job sites and waiting and

[1:11:29] Waiting for the right people to see it. That's no good. That's what I was saying

[1:11:34] ZipRecruiter has revolutionized hiring their technology finds great candidates for you

[1:11:39] It learns what you're looking for identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job

[1:11:45] And right now our listeners can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Flophouse. That's ZipRecruiter.com

[1:11:53] Slash Flophouse

[1:11:54] ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire. I think you know what I

[1:11:59] Think I figured out who I'm gonna hire for this job. Yeah, I need someone with counting experience

[1:12:05] And I need someone who's okay being up all night

[1:12:07] I'm gonna need either count von count

[1:12:11] Or USA up all night host Rhonda Shearer. She can count stuff, right?

[1:12:16] I've never seen in the

[1:12:18] Evidence that she can't count

[1:12:20] Okay, and she's been up all night

[1:12:23] Yeah, I and count von count is a vampire so he's out all night anyway

[1:12:28] Yeah

[1:12:29] Those are all good points

[1:12:34] Is counting do you like do you think count von count would do it's all dictation

[1:12:39] For he certainly he certainly says it aloud while he's doing it. Yeah, and he and he loves his work because he lapsed between every number

[1:12:46] Um

[1:12:49] So we should move on to letters, okay from listen, wait, Dan Ivan. Oh, you got John's I have a jumbotron message. I'm sorry

[1:12:58] Stewart do you have a jumbotron?

[1:13:00] First I got a fucking jumbotron

[1:13:03] Okay, you seem really excited about it. Oh, yeah, then I'll go. Okay

[1:13:08] This message is for Jacob last name withheld and it is from Jacob last name withheld

[1:13:16] Five years ago. You were diagnosed with liver cancer and somehow you still haven't died

[1:13:22] Congrats. I hope grad school is treating you. Well, and that the next time you're involved in a

[1:13:28] testicular ultrasound

[1:13:29] It's not as the patient

[1:13:32] Also with the improving prognosis, we really should be more budget conscious

[1:13:38] Stop buying yourself jumbotrons

[1:13:42] Well Jacob congratulations, dude

[1:13:46] I'm glad that I could

[1:13:49] Possibly like partially mingle that message that you gave me to read

[1:13:54] You reminded me I I wanted to I wanted to give a shout out of my own before I get to my jumbotron

[1:14:00] To my friend Sasha who recently had kidney surgery and as a flop house listener and flop house Facebook group

[1:14:07] member and I just want to say

[1:14:09] congratulations on

[1:14:11] Getting rid of that bad kidney. Thanks for getting it out of your body. You don't need it

[1:14:15] It's weighing you down and now you're ready to shoot for the stars, but the only kidney you need the one that's left

[1:14:23] Catch that kidney is what the doctor said as it as it was flung out of her body

[1:14:30] Anyway, but uh, so Sasha, I hope you're feeling better. Okay, and I have a jumbotron message. This is one of a more

[1:14:36] Capitalist mercantile nature and it's from nominee coffee roasters and the message goes like this

[1:14:43] Founded in 2017 nominee coffee roasters is an ultra-traditionalist

[1:14:48] DYI focused micro roaster based in North Seattle

[1:14:51] Impassioned by the highest quality single origin coffees nominee as a roasting effort exists synonymous with paramount care and quality

[1:14:59] Garnered through a hands-on

[1:15:00] Nostalgia driven approach and remaining small batch to an idyllic fault listeners know the flop house will also receive 15% off their order with code

[1:15:09] Flop so they're on instagram at nominee coffee and visit nominee coffee calm try for yourself

[1:15:15] 15% off their order with the code flop now. I just love that coffee

[1:15:20] I'm just I'm a sucker for that hot brown bean water, baby

[1:15:23] People love it ever since it was first introduced to Europe in the coffee houses of Spain and England in France

[1:15:30] It's become a part of so many people's everyday life. So

[1:15:34] Yeah, go try that

[1:15:37] All right now after that aborted

[1:15:40] Attempt earlier because I was stupid and forgot jumbotrons now. It's time for letters from listeners

[1:15:47] Let's and then you know how you know how you know when it's really time for letters

[1:15:53] Because the music starts to play and

[1:15:56] Every day when the music plays, you know, I'm gonna say it's a letters day

[1:16:03] But

[1:16:05] Letters day

[1:16:08] Sometimes you don't hear a letters song and that's cuz it's time for the

[1:16:13] Jumbotron, but Dan mixed it up because Dan's feeling a little sick

[1:16:20] Dan's got a cold and he's feeling old. He's full of mold Dan's got a cold

[1:16:26] But

[1:16:29] It's not time to disparage Dan's immune system right now

[1:16:34] Because holy cow, it's a letters day a day for letters and I hope it stays a letters day

[1:16:42] Today and tomorrow and every day because the letters day is a better day for you and me and

[1:16:50] everyone in that city of

[1:16:53] a thousand planets

[1:16:56] Valerian

[1:16:57] Okay. Well, that was a very exciting song

[1:17:01] This first letter is from Elizabeth last name withheld

[1:17:04] Who writes Montgomery? I got I got a 50-pack of New York Times

[1:17:10] Wednesday crossword puzzles for Christmas of which I managed to complete one and only one

[1:17:15] Movie trivia is a special weakness of mine and a constant source of frustration

[1:17:19] I find myself wondering are the floppers any good at crosswords more often than you think

[1:17:24] I was toying with the idea of sending you a letter about it

[1:17:27] But recently while we're working my way through through your archives. I listened to your all about Steve episode

[1:17:32] Ironically while you did briefly discuss cars crossword puzzles the one flopper

[1:17:37] I most wanted to hear from was not present that episode. So now I have to ask

[1:17:41] Elliot do you like crossword puzzles? Are you any good at them?

[1:17:45] Can you do the New York Times puzzle on a Wednesday?

[1:17:47] Have you and your brother ever teamed up to do a crossword puzzle? Thank you for your time. I love your podcast

[1:17:53] Thanks to Dan for the work he puts in by the scenes

[1:17:57] Yeah

[1:17:59] I'll try to do more work by the scenes

[1:18:02] I should say for all the ragging we do on Dan

[1:18:04] Dan is the guiding force and engine of the podcast and it would not exist without him and he does all the work

[1:18:09] So, thank you Dan. Yeah, we're making that possible every time an hour or so before we record

[1:18:14] Dan wanders down the streets and knocks on all the bars doors to see if I've passed out in one of them

[1:18:21] Yeah, I

[1:18:23] Have my rolling pain with me

[1:18:27] Yeah, you're rolling pain, okay, sorry

[1:18:29] I know I said that right usually the G only goes at the end of the first part of rolling pin

[1:18:34] Rolling payroll, but rolling pain. Yeah, that's an interesting way to say it. Mm-hmm

[1:18:38] I like this at this this handicap scenario that you that you're building up, but just had to say that

[1:18:45] Okay, and then Danny is fries rub some hot fries under my nose to wake me

[1:18:52] So

[1:18:54] Crossword puzzles. Here's the thing as much as I love certain things about crossword puzzles such as how they remind me of the existence of

[1:19:01] Isai Morales

[1:19:04] Commonly used clue

[1:19:05] Crossword puzzles are like chess for me where I'm like, I'm like I should be better at this

[1:19:10] I'm a smart person, but I'm not particularly good at it. So like I there's so many half-finished crossword puzzles

[1:19:17] I've left in my wake mainly because I didn't really care enough to finish them

[1:19:21] But in a big way because they're just be like, I don't know this thing

[1:19:24] I'm not my brain is not set up to solve a problem

[1:19:28] Oriented in this fashion. Yeah, I was kind of that way with trivia for a while. We're like I took a

[1:19:34] After a particularly disastrous performance at max fun con at a Chuck Bryan and John Hodgman organized trivia

[1:19:44] After I felt particularly dumb for not getting a single question, right? I I was like never again

[1:19:50] I'm never doing trivia again, but then my bar started doing trivia. So I'm like fuck it. I guess I'll do it here

[1:19:56] Yeah, and you win several times. You've won the whole

[1:20:00] thing. Yeah, yeah, you know, I guess I'm pretty great. Yeah, thanks.

[1:20:06] I mean, I'm with trivia. I'm the opposite. My brain is set up for trivia stuff. And I get there

[1:20:11] to way too into it and start getting irritated when if my team is not listening to me or things

[1:20:17] go the wrong way or if I miss something I should have known. It's not good for me.

[1:20:22] Yeah. I probably shouldn't draw the curtain back so much on my work life because it may sound like

[1:20:29] we don't work. But on Thursdays, there's no show or the next day. So because we're not prepping

[1:20:38] for a Friday show, there's often kind of a bit of downtime at the office. And a bunch of the

[1:20:45] Daily Show writers often go in on a crossword together. Oh, that's nice, like a family. Yeah,

[1:20:52] we project it up on the wall and do it online. So that's like a team building exercise. That's

[1:20:58] a good idea. Yeah, that's fun. Who introduced that? Whose idea was that? I don't know. I think

[1:21:06] Zach might have started it because he has a subscription to the crosswords. Zach Pozen from

[1:21:14] Project Runway. Yeah, that's him. Okay. So moving on. This is from Nick, last name withheld, who

[1:21:22] writes, you've said before the podcast a couple of times that three movies with the same theme

[1:21:29] make a film festival, which means that a festival can also fill each of the flophouse categories of

[1:21:34] a good, bad movie, bad, bad movie, a movie you kind of like. I have talked with my friends about

[1:21:40] doing a festival of movies where music contracts are literal deals with the devil, featuring the

[1:21:45] Apple, good, bad, rock and roll, bad, bad, and Phantom of the Paradise, actually like. Can you

[1:21:53] think of any other trios of films where this works for you? Now, this is a tough question. So I don't

[1:21:59] expect us to necessarily be able to come up with these things on the spur of the moment. Good,

[1:22:05] because I can't. Yeah. I mean, well, you could do like, you could do zombie movies, or is that

[1:22:12] too broad a category? No, that's a good category. So what's a good, good, what's a zombie movie you

[1:22:16] kind of like, Elliot? A zombie movie I kind of like, but it's not that good? Uh-huh. No, like,

[1:22:25] what's a, what's a, what's a good zombie movie? Good zombie movie. Oh, just an out-and-out good

[1:22:30] zombie movie? Yeah. Okay, Return of the Living Dead. Okay, what's a good, bad zombie movie?

[1:22:35] Maybe Return of the Living Dead Part 2? Or like, uh, Zombie Lake, maybe, where half the movie is

[1:22:43] just women stopping to adjust their stockings, and then zombies coming out of a lake and eating

[1:22:47] them? Okay, and what's a bad, bad zombie movie? Probably the new, uh, the new remake of Day of the

[1:22:55] Dead, pretty bad. Okay, I haven't even seen it. I didn't know they did a remake of Day of the Dead.

[1:23:01] I haven't even seen it. I didn't know they did a remake of Day of the Dead. Yeah. Is Bub in it?

[1:23:05] Oh, I'm pretty sure Bub would have to be in it, right? I don't know, I haven't seen it. Well,

[1:23:10] wait, wait, you're... Wait, so maybe it's good. How do you know if it's bad or not? It's just

[1:23:14] gotten so many bad reviews. Oh, okay. Hey, you know what else got bad reviews? Valerian and

[1:23:19] the City of a Thousand Worlds. That's true. And I kind of liked it. I shouldn't assume,

[1:23:22] because when I, because when I assume, I take an ass, and I'm me, and you're you,

[1:23:29] and we should be free to be you and me. Uh, I was talking... Exactly, that's the message.

[1:23:35] I was talking, I was talking to, uh, what is it, New York Magazine's, uh, David Adelstein,

[1:23:41] and he was making a very strong case for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets,

[1:23:45] so I don't think all critics hated it. Okay, that's fair. And I was like,

[1:23:50] stop yelling at me, David, stop yelling, and he wouldn't stop.

[1:23:54] Wow, that was a little glimpse of how dangerous your work life can be. Yeah,

[1:23:59] these are the big celebs that stop into Stuart's bar. Dan McCoy. Yeah, and others. Stuart Wellington.

[1:24:10] Yeah. Let's not forget Stuart Wellington is often hanging out there. Yeah, not as much since I hurt

[1:24:15] my hand, but you know. Yeah. Uh, this last letter is from Alvin, last name withheld. And the chipmunks.

[1:24:22] Yeah, you didn't say it right, Dan. Alvin! Alvin Ailey. He writes, nothing important.

[1:24:30] Oh, wow, really? Dance pioneer Alvin Ailey? Yeah, yeah. Weren't expecting me to make that poll,

[1:24:35] huh? No. Uh, he says, nothing important. I recently watched Double Take, a forgettable

[1:24:42] Orlando Jones slash Eddie Griffith vehicle, and while there was no... Eddie, Eddie, is it Griffith

[1:24:48] or Griffin? He writes Griffith. Maybe it's Griffin. Maybe I'm wrong. I could be wrong.

[1:24:53] And whilst there was no feasible way I could have expected anything good or enjoyable from the film,

[1:24:59] I was still really depressed by how mediocre it was, by which I mean I was sad after watching it

[1:25:04] rather than angry. Given how many bad, bad, boring films you watch, knowing full well that they will

[1:25:10] probably be that way, what films can you remember that depressed you because they were precisely as

[1:25:16] meh as they promised to be? Big sweaty hugs and sloppy kisses on the bottom to all.

[1:25:22] Now... The kisses are on the bottom? Yeah, apparently. I don't know if I like that. Now,

[1:25:27] him saying that, it made me think that there should be an emotion called sangry, where you're

[1:25:32] sad and about how angry or not angry you are, and that that's what the movie Santa Sangre should be

[1:25:37] about. Also known as Drive Sangre. Yeah, Dan? I'm just looking back on my... On your life?

[1:25:52] Yeah, and regrets. I've got a few. No, I was looking back on my list of movies that I

[1:26:00] watch. I keep a record of this shit. I feel like there are movies that I saw this past year that

[1:26:09] were like, okay, and yet they left me feeling a little... I don't know if sad is the right word,

[1:26:14] but a little depressed at how there was nothing to get excited about either one way or the other.

[1:26:22] Well, one that I have on my list here is Murder on the Orient Express, which I watched,

[1:26:27] and I expected it to be meh, and it was meh, and I'm like, why did I do that?

[1:26:32] Well, and also, if you're not excited by a Murder on the Orient Express movie,

[1:26:38] who is going to? I feel like that's right up your alley. You're like patient zero of being

[1:26:44] interested in a Murder on the Orient Express movie. I remember watching Death Note recently,

[1:26:52] the Adam Wingard American adaptation of the Japanese manga movies, etc.

[1:26:59] And I was like, you know, it started off okay, and I liked Willem Dafoe as the death god,

[1:27:07] but it was just really not... And I like Shea Whigham. That guy's great. But yeah, it's not

[1:27:15] good, and I was kind of hoping to be like... When I first started watching, I'm like, I can't wait

[1:27:20] to recommend this, so everybody gets mad at me. But no, it's not very good, and it just bummed me

[1:27:27] out. And I'm like, why did I waste my limited time after I get spread out over the course of a couple

[1:27:32] of night shifts, where I'd get home at like five in the morning, and I'm like, I'm going to watch

[1:27:36] something for 30 minutes before I pass out from a sandwich and beer. Why did I waste those nights

[1:27:43] on Death Note, Dan? Tell me. I mean, Adam Wingard, he fooled you. Yeah. Fooled you again.

[1:27:53] Fooled me again. To be honest, that's how I felt about... These are not movies, but a few of the

[1:27:58] episodes of this newest season of Black Mirror. I'll be watching an episode, and I'll be like,

[1:28:04] all right, okay. It depresses me that they went ahead and made a season where they didn't seem

[1:28:11] to have that many ideas. I feel like the season as a whole had a more even baseline.

[1:28:18] There were fewer great episodes, but there were also fewer episodes where I was

[1:28:24] super annoyed that I watched it. Everything was just kind of fine. Yeah, just fine.

[1:28:31] To be honest, this is going to earn me a lot of ire on the internet, so watch out, everybody. Hold

[1:28:36] back. This is kind of a hot take. Yeah, yeah. Get your hot pads to handle this take. Watch out.

[1:28:42] Yeah, maybe wrap some asbestos around you. The miracle fiber of the future that can keep fire

[1:28:47] back. In a way, it's kind of how I felt when I finally saw Wonder Woman. I was like, okay,

[1:28:55] this is fine. I wanted to see something that really blew me away, and when I saw it, I was

[1:29:02] like, this is all right. It's not bad, but it's just not. It was more disappointing than it would

[1:29:07] have been if it was terrible, because then if it was terrible, I would have been like, those people

[1:29:11] were crazy, but I'm like, okay, this just isn't doing it for me. I'm disappointed in myself.

[1:29:16] I mean, I disagree with that sentiment. I could see arguing that the movie—

[1:29:24] You can't disagree with my feelings. I can disagree that—I don't care.

[1:29:28] I mean, what I'm saying is I didn't feel that way, although I can understand feeling like

[1:29:34] it should have ended after the trench sequence, because that's such a high point of the movie,

[1:29:43] but I don't think anything up until that point was blah for me. I thought it was all pretty good,

[1:29:49] but I thought it kind of ends lower than the heights it reaches early on in the movie.

[1:29:55] I see. It just felt more by the numbers than I was expecting, and I was like—

[1:30:00] Okay, this is a good version of this that I wasn't looking.

[1:30:03] I wanted something a little more, you know,

[1:30:05] like a little more new, you know,

[1:30:07] more something I hadn't seen before.

[1:30:10] And as soon as David Thewlis walks out,

[1:30:11] I'm like, oh, the bad guy.

[1:30:13] Yeah, I just, I mean, I just kind of accept,

[1:30:16] I liked the movie, I just kind of accept, though, too,

[1:30:19] that it's not necessarily for me.

[1:30:21] Like, it is true that it's much more exciting

[1:30:25] for women to have a great woman superhero

[1:30:29] directed by a woman.

[1:30:30] Like, it's, you know,

[1:30:32] I can understand the passion about it, certainly.

[1:30:35] So, that was kind of my feeling.

[1:30:37] Yeah, that part's great.

[1:30:38] I just, like, it's, I guess I wanted it to,

[1:30:41] I wanted to have that experience with it.

[1:30:42] And maybe because I can't get out of my own head,

[1:30:45] I wasn't able to.

[1:30:47] I'm not blaming you, Wonder Woman, I'm blaming me.

[1:30:49] Sure.

[1:30:51] So, now, turning from movies that we feel mediocre about.

[1:30:55] Also, I will say, I will say,

[1:30:58] maybe if they hadn't given David Thewlis that mustache,

[1:31:00] he would have seemed less so obviously evil.

[1:31:03] It's in his contract now, boy.

[1:31:08] Oh, he's so gross, he's awesome.

[1:31:12] Moving from films that we're mixed on

[1:31:14] to films that we like.

[1:31:17] Recommendations, that's what we're doing now.

[1:31:20] How's that segue, huh?

[1:31:21] Oh, it's amazing, flawless.

[1:31:23] Wonderful, oh, it's like,

[1:31:25] is Ryan Seacrest hosting the show?

[1:31:28] Um, I'll give a recommendation,

[1:31:31] and having said that,

[1:31:32] this is kind of a qualified recommendation.

[1:31:35] Like, it's a movie I enjoyed,

[1:31:37] but maybe not as much as I had hoped I would.

[1:31:40] And it's a movie that's probably,

[1:31:42] it's called Screwballs.

[1:31:43] It's probably,

[1:31:46] it's a movie that I imagine will be near and dear

[1:31:48] to the Flophouse nation because it stars Nicolas Cage.

[1:31:51] It's a little movie called Mom and Dad.

[1:31:54] Oh, you mean I can go see that?

[1:31:56] I was waiting to see that,

[1:31:57] because I thought we might do it for the podcast.

[1:31:58] No, you can see it.

[1:32:00] Go ahead.

[1:32:01] Okay.

[1:32:02] Okay, I'll go right now.

[1:32:03] Hold on a sec.

[1:32:04] Go on.

[1:32:04] Let me go see it, I'll be right back.

[1:32:05] Good, I'm gonna throw rocks at you like you're Harry.

[1:32:09] We don't even want you around.

[1:32:10] Get out of here.

[1:32:12] For your own good.

[1:32:14] My marginal disappointment with this film

[1:32:16] was because it was directed by Brian Taylor,

[1:32:18] who, along with Neveldine,

[1:32:21] the other half of Neveldine and Taylor,

[1:32:23] did the Crank movies.

[1:32:25] And so I wanted it to be as crazy as the Crank movies,

[1:32:29] which it's not,

[1:32:30] but it's crazy enough to make it a nice little cult film.

[1:32:33] I think that people of the Flop

[1:32:38] might already be familiar with the plot,

[1:32:39] but I'll summarize it.

[1:32:41] It's all of a sudden moms and dads across the land

[1:32:47] have this urge to kill their children,

[1:32:49] and they don't have the urge to kill all kids,

[1:32:53] just specifically their own offspring.

[1:32:55] And so it's kind of a provocative, yeah.

[1:33:00] It's called being a parent.

[1:33:02] Yeah.

[1:33:03] Oh, anyway guys,

[1:33:05] let me tell you what's been going on in my life.

[1:33:06] You can't see, but I'm miming holding a microphone

[1:33:08] because it's time for my type five on fatherhood.

[1:33:11] So I'm in the shower and I hear a knock on the door.

[1:33:15] And I think maybe it's some hot babe coming in to do me

[1:33:19] because that's all I think about.

[1:33:21] But no, it's my son who needs to use the potty, he says.

[1:33:25] And I'm like, hey, I'm in here.

[1:33:27] Can I not even have these moments?

[1:33:30] Yeah.

[1:33:31] Pause for applause,

[1:33:32] pause for knowing laughter and applause

[1:33:33] as the audience relates to the moment,

[1:33:35] even if it's not particularly funny.

[1:33:37] Yeah, well, that's the subtext of the film.

[1:33:40] I mean, it's not even really the subtext.

[1:33:42] It's pretty much the text of the movie

[1:33:44] that parents want to kill their kids sometimes anyway.

[1:33:48] So that's kind of the joke of the film.

[1:33:51] I mean, millennials are so fucking lazy.

[1:33:54] Of course they want to get,

[1:33:56] of course they should die, right?

[1:33:57] What a bunch of morons.

[1:34:01] Oh, they don't even have the energy

[1:34:03] to prop up the Applebee's industry

[1:34:06] like they're supposed to.

[1:34:08] I mean, they just don't appreciate

[1:34:09] everything their parents do for them.

[1:34:11] Yeah.

[1:34:12] And they're always using the phones

[1:34:14] that their parents invented and made them use.

[1:34:18] Anyway, Nicholas Cage.

[1:34:19] Let me just let,

[1:34:20] now I'm gonna give my hot take on millennials.

[1:34:22] Okay.

[1:34:23] Hey, millennials, it's not your fault.

[1:34:24] You got handed a steaming pile of shit in this world

[1:34:27] and everyone's like,

[1:34:27] why do these millennials love eating shit so much?

[1:34:31] Yeah.

[1:34:32] It's not fair, not fair.

[1:34:33] You know what parents don't, just don't understand.

[1:34:35] I'm just fucking mad that the millennials

[1:34:37] haven't re-embraced,

[1:34:39] you know how millennials have a tendency

[1:34:40] to embrace pop culture like Frasier and shit?

[1:34:45] Why haven't they brought back Millennium?

[1:34:46] I mean, it's right there on the fucking table, guys.

[1:34:52] It's got all the millennials' favorite star,

[1:34:54] Lance Henriksen, the man who was always old

[1:34:56] even when he was a baby.

[1:35:00] Do you know when they shot Aliens,

[1:35:02] Lance Henriksen was 14 years old.

[1:35:05] Yeah.

[1:35:06] They were trying to make an Akira movie

[1:35:08] where he played all the wrinkled kids.

[1:35:17] There's a Venn diagram for that joke

[1:35:18] and it's just got Stuart and me in the middle.

[1:35:23] I'm almost done with my recommendation.

[1:35:25] So I just want to say,

[1:35:26] Nicolas Cage gives a fun, crazy Cage performance.

[1:35:29] Selma Blair is also very good.

[1:35:31] And the movie runs like 87 minutes long

[1:35:35] or something like that.

[1:35:36] So it's the perfect length for a film.

[1:35:38] Does not overstay its welcome.

[1:35:41] Nice.

[1:35:42] Yeah, so mom and dad.

[1:35:44] Save the world.

[1:35:45] Yeah.

[1:35:48] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:35:49] So I've been trying to catch up on horror movies

[1:35:53] from the last year that I missed out on.

[1:35:55] And one of my favorites is the movie Raw

[1:36:00] that you can watch on Netflix.

[1:36:02] So you know what that means, guys.

[1:36:04] You pull up your browser,

[1:36:06] you grab your fucking mouse,

[1:36:08] you get that left click button already.

[1:36:11] Okay.

[1:36:13] You got to hover that over the thumbnail of Raw.

[1:36:17] Okay.

[1:36:18] You got to press that left click button,

[1:36:20] drag it over into your movie player.

[1:36:24] And then you dump it in there.

[1:36:26] Yeah.

[1:36:27] Empty trash.

[1:36:28] And then what?

[1:36:29] Okay.

[1:36:30] Because you don't want your fucking trash box

[1:36:32] cluttering up your hard drive, right?

[1:36:34] That slows down your computer.

[1:36:35] Are there any settings that we have to make sure are set?

[1:36:38] Well, I mean, there's not a lot of options,

[1:36:40] but you want to make sure

[1:36:41] that you have gore cranked all the way up, baby.

[1:36:46] So Raw-

[1:36:47] You want to turn on motion smoothening

[1:36:49] because you want those motions to be smooth as silk.

[1:36:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:36:52] You want it to look just like that time

[1:36:53] I saw the first Hobbit movie and got an eye strain

[1:36:57] and stuff started leaking out of the corner

[1:36:59] of my eye for a day.

[1:37:03] So Raw is a French movie about a young woman

[1:37:08] who goes to, I guess, like veterinary college.

[1:37:12] And along the way she develops,

[1:37:16] let's say certain appetites for stuff.

[1:37:21] Okay.

[1:37:22] But it's this great little movie.

[1:37:25] What, like wrestling?

[1:37:25] Like WWF Raw?

[1:37:27] Kinda.

[1:37:29] And it, no, it's great.

[1:37:31] And it's nice to see this kind of a horror movie told

[1:37:37] from this perspective.

[1:37:39] And it also touches on a lot of things

[1:37:41] that kind of everybody can identify with.

[1:37:43] And it is a very female perspective.

[1:37:46] So maybe I missed some of the, I don't know.

[1:37:49] I'm just fucking around.

[1:37:51] But it's, yeah, it's great.

[1:37:53] It's gory.

[1:37:54] It's fun.

[1:37:56] Check it out.

[1:37:57] Raw.

[1:37:59] Raw.

[1:38:02] You got it.

[1:38:03] Raw.

[1:38:05] Okay.

[1:38:07] You got any more in your?

[1:38:08] Raw.

[1:38:10] Okay, I'll go on and recommend my movie now.

[1:38:15] Pause for one last Raw.

[1:38:16] Raw.

[1:38:20] Okay, there you go.

[1:38:22] So I'm gonna recommend a movie.

[1:38:23] It's an old one, guys.

[1:38:24] It's a classic melodrama weepy

[1:38:28] that I've been meaning to watch for years

[1:38:30] and I finally got around to watching it.

[1:38:32] And that's now Voyager,

[1:38:33] starring Bette Davis and Paul Henry and Claude Rains.

[1:38:37] And Bette Davis is playing a character who is,

[1:38:39] she's a grown woman who's still living

[1:38:41] kind of under the thumb of her elderly mother.

[1:38:45] And it means she's grown up as this very unhappy,

[1:38:47] what you would call at the time a spinster,

[1:38:49] but that's not a term people care for anymore.

[1:38:52] Just an unhappy woman who cannot feel life, basically.

[1:38:57] And first under the care of Claude Rains as a psychiatrist,

[1:39:02] and then later through a relationship she forms

[1:39:05] with Paul Henry, who's a man that she falls in love with,

[1:39:08] but she can't have because he already has a family.

[1:39:13] She manages to discover herself

[1:39:16] and figure out a way to live that is more true to herself

[1:39:20] and more satisfying, even if it can never be,

[1:39:23] even if she can never live the fully satisfying life

[1:39:25] she always wanted because of the way she was raised.

[1:39:28] And it's one of these movies that is,

[1:39:31] it's based on a book and it feels more like a book

[1:39:34] in that the plot is not a straight line from A to Z.

[1:39:37] It's, you kind of are not quite sure

[1:39:39] where it's going at certain times.

[1:39:41] It's, it follows its own path.

[1:39:43] And it's very much like a classic melodrama.

[1:39:45] Like there are times when things happen-

[1:39:46] It sounds like Valerian.

[1:39:48] It's just like Valerian.

[1:39:50] There are times when things happen where you're like,

[1:39:53] that seems a little coincidental movie,

[1:39:56] but it's one of like Bette Davis's big,

[1:39:59] famous performances.

[1:40:00] and one where she gets to show her full range.

[1:40:02] Everyone in it is really good.

[1:40:03] It's like classic filmmaking,

[1:40:06] just like textbook 101, you know, glossy stuff,

[1:40:11] and just really, really good.

[1:40:12] And I'm a big Betty Davis fan,

[1:40:13] so I'm surprised it took me this long to watch it,

[1:40:16] since I think she was the greatest

[1:40:18] of the film actresses at that time.

[1:40:20] And this is a real chance for her to show her full range.

[1:40:23] So her full range aside from when she plays characters

[1:40:25] who are crazy or evil, but in this case, not so much.

[1:40:28] So now Voyager.

[1:40:29] I'd recommend it, it's really good.

[1:40:31] Great.

[1:40:32] Bunch of recommendations.

[1:40:34] You got your homework, everybody.

[1:40:37] All right.

[1:40:37] You gotta watch those three movies.

[1:40:38] We'll test you next episode.

[1:40:40] Mm-hmm.

[1:40:41] So now we should just sign off from the Flophouse,

[1:40:45] and thank you for listening.

[1:40:47] There's a lot of great podcasts over at MaximumFun.org.

[1:40:50] Go listen to those.

[1:40:53] And it's been great talking to you.

[1:40:56] It's been.

[1:40:57] And hey, whatever holiday you're celebrating,

[1:41:00] I hope you're having a good one.

[1:41:01] All right.

[1:41:02] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:41:04] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:41:07] And I'm Ellie Kalin.

[1:41:08] All year round, 24-7.

[1:41:10] Cool.

[1:41:11] How are my levels, Dan?

[1:41:16] You know, if you could just switch the channel

[1:41:18] within the mic, you'd need some sort of magic mic.

[1:41:21] XL.

[1:41:24] Wow, is that before XXL?

[1:41:27] Yeah, it's in the middle one that they'll release later.

[1:41:29] Yeah, I'm very glad I caught that,

[1:41:31] because that could have been a bad scene.

[1:41:33] Yeah, a real bad scene.

[1:41:36] Just like that scene in Ghostbusters

[1:41:40] where Dan Aykroyd gets the ghost blowjob.

[1:41:42] It's a bad scene.

[1:41:43] Okay.

[1:41:44] Dan, do you have any bad scenes you'd like to add?

[1:41:49] MaximumFun.org.

[1:41:51] Comedy and culture.

[1:41:52] Artist owned.

[1:41:54] Listener supported.

Ep. #251 - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

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