Ep. #254 - Kidnap

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Kidnap.

[0:03] Known in my house as Catch That Kid.

Dan McCoy

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:34] Hey there, Dan. I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] Hey, Dan. Hey, Stu. Nice to meet you for the first time ever.

[0:40] My name is Elliot Chexcard Kalen.

[0:43] How are you?

[0:44] Welcome to the Flophouse, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[0:46] Good to meet you. What line of work are you in?

Elliott Kalan

[0:50] Well, you know, I just ride these here rails,

[0:52] seeing what kind of adventures and shenanigans I can get into,

[0:55] maybe saving lives and maybe breaking hearts.

[0:57] I don't know. I guess you'd call me like kind of a traveling vagabond,

[1:03] you know, just a man of rags and patches.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06] A traveling wolberry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] Yeah, you'd call me a traveling wolberry.

[1:09] I'm an incredibly rich and famous rock star who's pretending to be like a hobo.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14] Wait, Jeff Lynn is incredibly rich and famous?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18] They don't get richer or more famous, sir.

Dan McCoy

[1:21] Well, those are the kind of great bits you can find on the Flophouse,

[1:24] which you're listening to right now.

[1:25] And if you want to support the Flophouse, boy, howdy.

[1:28] Is this the time of year to do it?

[1:29] Because this is the MaxFunDrive.

[1:32] Actually, technically, the MaxFunDrive will start one day after this drops,

[1:36] but this is our MaxFunDrive episode.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38] The cops don't have to drag you away.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Well, I don't know.

[1:43] I don't know whether like,

[1:44] I don't know whether people get the donor bonus content if they donate too early.

[1:48] I don't know what that means.

[1:49] Nor do they get the boner bonus content.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51] Oh, I was going to say the same thing, Stu.

[1:54] You beat me.

[1:56] So, Dan, I want to remind people,

[1:58] later on we'll be talking more about the MaxFun Pledge Drive,

[2:00] which is when you, the listener,

[2:02] can help us, the podcasters,

[2:05] stay in business and keep our show going

[2:07] so you can keep listening to it

[2:08] and help out other MaxFun shows,

[2:09] but mostly us.

[2:11] But I want to remind everyone first,

[2:12] let's not MaxFun Pledge Drive angry.

[2:15] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] Thanks, Dylan.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] Somebody had to say it.

[2:20] Somebody had to say it.

[2:20] I'm glad I was the one who did it.

Dan McCoy

[2:22] This is the best time of year to sign on as a member

[2:26] or if you're already a member,

[2:28] upgrade your membership.

[2:29] Think about that maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] We'll talk about it more later.

[2:32] For now, if you're already like,

[2:35] I can't wait.

[2:36] Just go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[2:38] But otherwise, stay tuned

[2:40] and we'll tell you more about what you can get as a donor.

[2:42] Otherwise, you'll just have to sit and listen to our usual garbage,

[2:46] which begins now.

Dan McCoy

[2:48] Okay.

[2:48] Well, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie

[2:52] and we talk about it.

[2:53] Uh-huh.

[2:53] But wait, Dan,

Stuart Wellington

[2:55] we watched Kidnap starring Halle Berry.

[2:58] Yeah.

[2:59] Well, I don't want to get ahead of myself,

[3:01] but I don't know if this fits our podcast.

[3:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:04] It could be.

[3:05] Could be, guys.

[3:06] I don't know.

[3:07] I had kind of a good time,

[3:09] but let's not spoil it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:11] Kind of a Good Time raves Dan McCoy.

[3:13] It's a good time.

[3:14] Guys, do you think this movie

[3:16] should have actually just been called Baby Driver?

Elliott Kalan

[3:19] Well, no, the baby is not driving.

[3:21] There's no baby.

[3:22] It's like a nine-year-old kid.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] I mean, it's a person who drives a baby around.

[3:26] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] Okay.

[3:28] Again, it's a grown child,

[3:30] like in the seven to nine range,

[3:32] seven of nine, if you will.

[3:34] It's not a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] I mean, she describes her child as being six years old.

[3:38] Oh, really?

[3:39] Of six.

[3:39] To be honest, I mean, I'm not a mother, guys.

[3:41] I know that comes as a shock.

[3:43] Okay.

[3:43] Not yet.

[3:43] I'm not a mother.

[3:44] Not yet, anyway.

[3:45] You know, I think it would be hard for me

[3:47] to admit that my child isn't my baby anymore, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Well, around the time that a creep in a jean jacket

[3:55] steals your kid away,

[3:56] that's when they're no longer your baby anymore.

[3:58] That's when they've grown up

[3:59] and it's time for them to leave the nest

[4:00] and go to a scary shack in a swamp somewhere.

[4:03] Yeah.

[4:04] Hey, guys.

[4:04] A decoy jean jacket.

[4:07] Now, should we talk about what happens in this movie?

[4:11] I think that the listener almost expects it at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[4:14] Yeah, so the movie begins, guys,

[4:16] and I want to paint you a picture of the Wellington household.

[4:18] Okay.

[4:19] So I've started the movie,

[4:21] and then I say, Alexa, pause.

[4:24] Okay.

[4:25] I told you to start the movie Kidnap,

[4:28] not a demo reel of an animation studio's thing

[4:32] just running through different production company logos.

[4:36] Alexa goes,

[4:39] Stewart, but this is the movie Kidnap.

Elliott Kalan

[4:42] And I go, no!

[4:44] My first note on Kidnap in my notes is,

[4:47] so many production logos.

Dan McCoy

[4:50] I believe this movie sat on the shelf for a few years.

[4:55] Like an elf.

[4:56] Yeah.

[4:57] Halle Berry was one of the producers on this.

[4:59] I guess this was her trying to move into the Liam Neeson-taken phase of her career.

[5:05] But it took a while for this to get distributed,

[5:08] and I wonder whether that has anything to do with the production company surplus.

Stuart Wellington

[5:13] Yeah, I'm guessing one ran out of money,

[5:15] and then another one picked up the ball.

[5:17] Yeah.

[5:17] Like a relay race.

[5:18] Yeah, a real relay race.

[5:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] It was a real production bucket brigade.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] Yep.

[5:25] To put out the fire we had in our hearts for a movie like Kidnap.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] Now, the movie opens up where?

[5:33] That's right.

[5:33] So the first...

[5:34] New Orleans, Louisiana.

Elliott Kalan

[5:37] But the first thing we see is we see a lot of home movie footage of a baby growing up to be a boy

[5:42] with voiceover of Halle Berry being like,

[5:44] Oh, yeah, you can do it.

[5:46] Okay, yeah, come over here.

[5:47] Oh, so sweet.

[5:48] This is some real boyhood shit right here.

[5:50] I was like, am I watching boyhood?

[5:51] What's going on?

[5:52] I thought I was watching Kidnap.

Stuart Wellington

[5:54] To be a fly on the wall in those ADR sessions.

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] Now, I will say there was...

[6:01] This is when the movie started tugging my heartstrings

[6:04] purely because I also have experienced watching a boy growing up and getting older,

Stuart Wellington

[6:09] starting as a baby.

[6:09] What, like in a movie?

[6:10] The hell you say?

[6:12] Like in a movie?

[6:13] Like watching DJ Tanner grow up?

[6:16] Wait, that's a girl.

[6:17] DJ Roseanne's kid grow up?

Elliott Kalan

[6:19] Yeah, exactly.

[6:21] Yeah, Dan Jr.

[6:22] Yeah.

[6:23] That's what DJ...

[6:24] Fuck!

[6:26] That's what DJ stands for.

[6:27] It's like the end of the usual suspects over here.

[6:30] The weird thing is that's what DJ Tanner's name stood for, too.

[6:33] Dan Jr.

[6:34] There's not even a Dan in that family.

[6:37] Danny Tanner?

[6:40] Oh, but wait, but then why would he name...

[6:42] Wait, hold on a second.

[6:44] Yeah.

[6:45] I guess Danny Tanner is the dad, right?

[6:48] Yeah.

[6:49] Dan, here's a question I have.

[6:51] This has been our full house talk, I guess.

[6:52] Dan Roseanne.

[6:53] Dan, did you name yourself Dan after all the sitcom dads you have seen?

[6:57] Like Dan Conner and Danny Tanner?

Dan McCoy

[6:59] Well, yes.

[7:00] Like most people, I named myself Elliot.

[7:02] That was...

Elliott Kalan

[7:03] Like Prince and David Bowie?

[7:05] Were they born with those names?

[7:06] No.

[7:07] Yeah, so...

[7:07] Elton John?

Stuart Wellington

[7:08] Michael Caine?

[7:09] When Dan was a small child, his father sat out a ball, a sword, and the name Dan, and

Dan McCoy

[7:15] was like, you have to make a choice.

[7:17] Yeah, I've been regretting that choice for my whole life.

Elliott Kalan

[7:20] Yeah.

[7:21] If you choose the sword, it means you will try to overthrow me, and then I will have you

[7:25] executed.

[7:26] If you choose the ball, you'll be the sports-loving son I've always wanted.

[7:29] And if you choose Dan, it tells us nothing.

[7:34] Yeah.

[7:34] It just comes along with a lot of sighing.

[7:37] Mm-hmm.

[7:37] And in order to not make a choice, you stuck your hand in the hot coals and immediately

[7:41] put it in your mouth and burned your tongue, and that's why you can't talk good now.

[7:45] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] Thanks for my origin story.

[7:47] Yeah, a lot of mythology today.

[7:50] Guys, what's going on?

[7:52] So, is it all home movies?

[7:55] What the fuck is this movie about?

Elliott Kalan

[7:56] No, we established that Halle Berry is a mother, and she has a son named Frankie.

[8:01] Mm-hmm.

[8:01] He's about six, and she's a waitress.

[8:04] She's a real sassy waitress, always being very sassy, especially to the very bitchy, skinny

[8:09] white girl who is trying to challenge her, I guess, on what's available on the menu because

[8:13] they don't have the kind of milk that she likes.

[8:15] She's a terrible customer.

[8:17] She's a bad customer.

[8:18] They say the customer's always right.

[8:20] In this case, they're wrong.

Stuart Wellington

[8:22] Yeah, I mean, this is a retail.

[8:23] I feel like in a food and beverage situation, you're dealing with the customer only sometimes

[8:29] being right.

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] Yeah.

[8:32] Why is that different?

[8:33] You would think in retail, the customer would be right less often because they're buying

[8:36] prepackaged items that nothing could be changed about it, whereas in food service, you

[8:40] can change what you're making because it's all on the fly, rendered in 3D in the moment.

Stuart Wellington

[8:44] Well, I guess maybe it's because most of the time when I'm dealing with customers, they're

[8:51] usually drinking.

[8:53] And I mean, at that point, their judgment is suspect.

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] Yeah.

[8:57] That's true.

[8:58] Drinking does lower the level of rightness you can expect.

Stuart Wellington

[9:00] But the weird thing is, I'm also usually drinking.

[9:04] So, hmm.

[9:05] Eye of the beholder, you know.

[9:07] Well, yeah.

[9:07] Mobius strip.

[9:08] But you're just doing that to level the playing field, right?

[9:12] See, if I weren't drunk, I would just be operating at such a high level of intellectual stuff.

[9:20] Intellectual stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] You're like, the customer comes up to you and is like, let me tell you something.

[9:26] And you go, hold on.

[9:27] Before I best you handily in mental combat, allow me to handicap myself to make this a fair

[9:33] fight.

[9:33] And then you just chug, what, like a whole bottle of vodka?

Stuart Wellington

[9:35] Mm-hmm.

[9:36] Harrison Bergeron brand vodka.

Elliott Kalan

[9:43] Okay.

[9:44] So, Halle Berry is a waitress.

[9:46] The person who's supposed to relieve her for her shift didn't show up.

[9:49] Uh-oh.

[9:50] So, her son's with her.

[9:51] But then they do show up.

[9:52] So, she leaves.

[9:52] All right.

[9:53] Much of a plot.

[9:54] And so, here's the thing I'm going to tell you about this movie.

[9:56] The first 15 minutes, I was like, this is going to be a pretty bad movie.

[10:00] And then, after, I feel like that 15 minutes was not representative of the whole thing.

[10:04] Because, uh, we find out that, uh, Halle Berry's divorced.

[10:08] Her ex-husband's new girlfriend is a med student.

[10:10] Mm-hmm.

[10:11] Clearly, he's moved up in the world because she's just a waitress.

[10:13] Uh, Halle Berry takes her son to one of those amusement parks that are in the movies where

[10:17] everything's kind of sinister.

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:19] And you know that something bad's going to happen.

Stuart Wellington

[10:21] You know the Punisher's family's about to get shot to pieces.

Dan McCoy

[10:23] There's one dude that asks her about her kid who is so stilted and creepy, like, when

[10:31] they're sitting on a bench together, that I'm like, this can't be the bad guy in the movie

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] because it's too crazy.

[10:37] It's too obvious.

[10:38] This guy's either the bad guy or he's the bass player in a Styx cover band that's about

[10:43] to go on.

[10:44] Maybe he's the bad guy.

[10:45] He could be the bad guy from another movie who just happened to wander into this movie

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] briefly and then left.

[10:49] I think if we see a Neil Breen movie and there's a scene that inexplicably has Halle Berry in

[10:55] it because he was shooting a movie at that moment too.

[10:58] Yeah.

[10:58] And that guy was a character in his movie who was sitting on that bench, then I'll be like,

[11:02] oh, I get it.

[11:03] Okay, these movies got tangled up.

Stuart Wellington

[11:05] If that guy was wearing a suit, he would be managing a pro wrestler.

Elliott Kalan

[11:12] But it was, you expected any minute this guy, you're like, oh, this guy has creep written

[11:16] all over him.

[11:17] He's so weird and off and doesn't seem like a, he's asking her about her son.

[11:21] And then he just kind of leaves.

[11:23] And you're like, okay, that was, in a weird way, it's the most off-putting scene in the

[11:28] movie because you're expecting something and it never happens.

Stuart Wellington

[11:31] Yeah.

[11:31] That's the thing you think about at like hours after the movie when you're lying in bed and

[11:36] you're like mentally cataloging your day.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] Yeah.

[11:40] And then you, and you turn next to you and that guy is in bed next to you and you go,

[11:44] ah, and you wake up and go, oh, it's just a dream.

[11:47] And then you turn over and he's still in bed with you and you go, ah.

[11:51] He gets that.

[11:52] Maybe you wake up that time too.

[11:53] You wake up that time and you're on the set of the Bob Newhart show.

[11:57] And, uh, and Suzanne Plachette is like, what's wrong, Bob?

Dan McCoy

[12:01] And you're like, I traveled back in time and I'm Bob Newhart now.

[12:05] This is going to be great.

[12:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:07] I got a bunch of good years.

[12:08] Honestly, who would not want to be?

[12:10] Yeah.

[12:10] Who would not want to be Bob Newhart at the height of his success?

[12:13] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Well, you say you go back in time, but I think actually when you incept somebody that deeply,

[12:18] when you keep going deeper and deeper, time just goes super duper slow.

[12:23] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] According to an academic text I once watched.

Dan McCoy

[12:26] Yeah.

[12:27] Now the listener might think that we're wasting a lot of time this time around, but there's not

[12:30] like the plot I would call in this movie is, is breezy and thin.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] Yes.

[12:35] This is a movie that is almost entirely car chase.

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:39] Which is not, and not in a bad way.

[12:41] It's so, well, so let's just.

Stuart Wellington

[12:42] For a little while I was confused because the movie was trying to make me believe that Halle Berry's

[12:46] son is named Marco.

[12:48] Okay.

[12:48] But it is not.

[12:49] They were just playing the game Marco Polo, which is something that you normally do with

[12:53] a kid and a amusement park.

[12:55] And then he gets snatched.

Elliott Kalan

[12:56] It's something you normally do in water, but she does it on land.

[12:59] And so that's how, you know, she's like a quirky mom.

Stuart Wellington

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:02] And the kid talks into a weird robot.

[13:05] And that's great because that weird robot later records his kidnapper.

Elliott Kalan

[13:09] Now this is a toy.

[13:11] This is like a toy phone in the shape of a robot.

[13:13] It's not like R2D2 is not wandering around the amusement park.

[13:17] We're not in the future.

[13:18] It's not.

[13:18] The robot never says to Halle Berry, like, follow me if you want to live.

[13:21] None of that stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[13:22] Never accidentally gets on a burger grill and gets cheese put on it like it's a hamburger.

Elliott Kalan

[13:28] Because there was an opportunity.

Stuart Wellington

[13:30] The movie began in a diner.

[13:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] Yeah, it's true.

[13:32] That's one of my top four robot movie moments, I think, is when the batteries not included

[13:36] robot gets cheese put on him.

[13:38] Now that's what I call an impossible burger.

Stuart Wellington

[13:41] Hey guys, have you ever had one of those?

Elliott Kalan

[13:45] I haven't, but now that I live in LA, everyone asks me about having one all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] Well, you should just direct their attention to that scene.

[13:52] You should just send them a GIF of that moment and batteries not included.

[13:57] Say, now this is what Stewart calls an impossible burger.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Because I'm not going to steal the joke from you.

[14:02] Yeah, thanks for giving credit.

[14:03] Yeah.

[14:04] Yeah, I'm not some Twitter aggregator.

[14:06] I want to give credit where credit's due.

[14:07] Anyway, let me tell you this joke I came up with.

[14:09] It's about this baseball team, and the baseball players have some pretty crazy names.

[14:14] I invented it.

[14:16] Anyway, so she gets a call from her lawyer and says to her son, hold on, I'll be right

[14:23] back.

[14:23] Her ex-husband wants primary custody, and Hallie walks away from her son to take the call.

[14:29] Now, she should just save that call for later.

[14:31] A call from her lawyer is only going to upset her.

[14:34] This is supposed to be her time with her son.

[14:36] I know in this connected world, it's hard to let go.

Stuart Wellington

[14:39] And this is right after her son's like, mom, can I go get my face painted?

[14:43] And she's like, no, after this song.

[14:46] It feels like one of those jazz songs that's just never going to end.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] Well, that's what she knows.

[14:52] She doesn't want to go get his face painted because it costs like $10.

[14:55] So she's like, oh, after this song.

[14:57] And she knows this is a jam band that's just going to keep going until they fall asleep.

Stuart Wellington

[15:01] Yeah, by the time the song's done, he's going to have a full beard and doesn't want to get

[15:05] face paint on it.

Elliott Kalan

[15:06] The performers they're listening to it reminded me of, there's a type of amusement park or

[15:12] carnival performer where it's like, you want to take them aside as a parent and be like,

[15:16] you realize that what you're doing could be like 10 times less creepy and scary, right?

[15:22] Like if you didn't wear that makeup or dress up in those costumes, I know you're trying

[15:26] to have fun and I appreciate that.

[15:27] But like, this could be just like a fun circus musical number if you weren't like a weirdo

[15:33] clown monster.

[15:34] I guess maybe I'm projecting too much about a small circus that I saw in Northern California.

[15:39] Yeah.

[15:39] It had some amazing acts.

[15:40] But between every act was interspersed a video where this weird gravelly voiced French

[15:44] clown talked about like the spirit of life and love and destiny and how we how we kill

[15:50] those things in our soul when we don't feel joy.

[15:53] And it felt like it felt like between every there was like a juggler.

[15:56] Oh, that was great.

[15:57] OK, now here's a video from someone who kidnapped somebody I loved and is like putting me on a

[16:02] weird poetic game of cat and mouse.

[16:03] OK, now a tightrope walker.

[16:05] That was fun.

[16:05] Oh, now it's video from the kidnapper again.

[16:07] What are his ransom demands?

[16:09] Oh, that I feel joy in my heart.

[16:11] OK, that's difficult when there's like a zombie clown monster threatening me through videotape.

[16:16] It was a let me just say this circuses.

[16:18] You don't have to be poetic.

[16:20] It's OK.

[16:21] This isn't Europe.

[16:22] End of PSA.

[16:23] That was my public service announcement.

Stuart Wellington

[16:25] Oh, cool.

[16:26] So the kid gets kidnapped, right?

[16:28] We do.

[16:29] We talk about that.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] So, oh, yeah, she comes back and her and Frankie is gone and she captures catches just

[16:36] a glimpse of Frankie being dragged into a car.

Stuart Wellington

[16:39] This is after this is after an older woman gives voice to my question.

[16:44] Is his name Frankie or Marco?

Elliott Kalan

[16:46] She's going she's going Frankie, Marco, Marco, Frankie.

[16:51] And a woman does say, is his name Frankie or Marco?

[16:53] And she's just like, whatever, and runs away.

Dan McCoy

[16:57] I mean, it is confusing.

[16:58] Now I find a kid that's been kidnapped.

[17:00] Like you do want to be absolutely clear about the parameters of what's going on.

Elliott Kalan

[17:05] Yeah.

[17:06] And also, well, it's kind of a life is beautiful type thing.

[17:09] She doesn't want Frankie to get too upset.

[17:10] So she continues the Marco game.

[17:12] Oh, OK.

[17:12] I imagine I imagine in life is beautiful.

[17:15] Some of the other concentration camp inmates were seeing Roberto Benigni joking around

[17:18] and we're like, wait a second.

[17:20] Is this is this a game?

[17:22] Or are we actually being is this a genocide?

[17:24] Because I'm being confused right now.

[17:26] Like, Roberto, you're really messing with my head right now because it's not a fun game.

[17:30] I don't like it.

Dan McCoy

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:33] It's not a game I signed up for, as I do with most games.

Elliott Kalan

[17:36] Is this like the game with Michael Douglas?

[17:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:41] I think they're probably just assuming it's that sharp cutting level of dark satire that's

[17:46] common in Europe, but not so much in America.

Elliott Kalan

[17:49] Exactly.

[17:50] Don't want it.

[17:50] No.

[17:51] Americans like things straightforward.

[17:52] Make my circus happy.

[17:53] Make my cutting satire not exist.

[17:56] Don't even do it.

[17:57] Okay, so Halle Berry is like she catches a glimpse of the car, which is kind of like an

[18:02] aging rundown, what, sports car or something like that?

[18:05] Yeah, it's a hatchback.

[18:06] It's a hatchback.

[18:07] Yeah.

[18:07] Without a license plate.

[18:09] Without a license plate.

[18:11] And she gets into her minivan.

Stuart Wellington

[18:14] Wait, you got to give.

[18:15] This is the most.

[18:16] I mean, this is second billing character here.

[18:18] This is her 2011 Chrysler Town and Country minivan.

Dan McCoy

[18:23] And if there's a better, if there's a better ad for this Town and Country minivan, I can't

[18:27] think of it because this thing has super pickup.

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] It handles like a dream.

[18:33] Yeah.

[18:33] It accelerates amazingly.

[18:35] The one thing, the one thing about this thing that it's like, well, the funny thing about

[18:39] this movie is that whenever she accelerates, we see her, her speed, speedometer go up to

[18:44] like 40.

[18:45] It always is.

[18:46] It's always centered around the 40 miles.

[18:48] And I'm like, that's not that fast.

[18:49] It always starts at like 20.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] You're not impressing me by showing me that she's going 40 miles an hour.

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:54] It always starts at like 20.

[18:56] And you're like, you're on the highway.

[18:57] You're going only 20 miles an hour.

Elliott Kalan

[18:59] Like, this would impress me maybe if you were driving in a school zone when children were

[19:03] present.

[19:04] But like not.

[19:05] But that's the problem, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[19:06] The child is not present.

[19:09] Yeah.

[19:09] Oh, that's true.

[19:10] Just like the bumper sticker reads almost mockingly on the back of her minivan, her, my mistake,

[19:18] Chrysler Town and Country minivan, that it reads baby on board when we all know the baby

[19:25] is not on board.

Elliott Kalan

[19:26] No, the baby is on board another car.

[19:28] Yeah.

[19:29] So she goes on a car chase.

[19:31] And now this car chase, this is the heart of the movie.

[19:34] And by the heart, I mean the body of the movie.

[19:36] It was most of this, and I have to admit, guys, let me just pull back the curtain early.

[19:40] By the moment she got in her car and was driving after this car, this movie had me.

[19:46] And like I was feeling genuinely tense and worried.

[19:49] Like they do such a good job, especially with the early part of this car chase, of her keeping

[19:54] up with this car but keep constantly almost losing it.

[19:58] Yeah.

[19:58] But I was like, I was literally, and this is, I'm watching this while I'm doing the dishes

[20:02] on an iPad.

[20:03] And my response to it was literally like, hurry up, you're going to lose your kid.

[20:06] Get that car.

[20:07] Like, come on, what are you doing?

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:10] It's so, I, I was so tapped into this primal like need to catch up, you know?

Dan McCoy

[20:14] Yeah.

[20:14] I was like arguing with her on like while she was driving.

[20:18] I'm like, no, no, just ram it.

[20:20] Like I was like trying to give advice.

Stuart Wellington

[20:23] My, uh, I was watching this with Charlene last night and she, uh, she had been like falling

[20:29] asleep to the episode of Jessica Jones we were watching and I'm like, Hey, you want to watch

[20:33] a movie at 11 o'clock at night?

[20:36] And she's like, Oh, okay.

[20:38] Make me some coffee.

[20:38] And by the time we started, she was like bolt upright the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[20:44] This is like, I don't remember the name of the director or the editor or anything, but

[20:48] like this is a, like this is at times I almost feel like it's like Ronin level car chase

[20:53] stuff.

[20:54] Wow.

[20:55] Where they're like, they're really like, it felt very, there was a real sense of like place

[20:59] and reality.

[21:00] And even just, there's a part where the car in front of her, the kidnappers, they just

[21:03] start throwing stuff out the back window of their hatchback to get in her way.

[21:07] And I was like, no, don't do that.

[21:09] It was, there's a part where, and Halle Berry is so intent.

[21:13] There's a scene where she's like praying to God during the, my note is she prays to God

[21:17] during the chase, but it only helps a little.

Dan McCoy

[21:20] Well, she asked for like one thing.

[21:22] She asked for like her not to lose the car.

[21:24] She doesn't ask for her child back, which is like, I feel like that's the larger issue

[21:27] that maybe she should have just gone for that.

[21:29] She should have shot the moon.

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] I think she was, I think she was worried that she would say to God, this is my scenario that

[21:35] I'm worried.

[21:36] I think she was worried about God, please.

[21:38] I want my baby back.

[21:39] And then all God's going to think is I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.

[21:43] I want my baby back, baby back.

[21:45] Chilies, baby.

[21:46] And then God for millennia is going to have that song stuck in his head and he's going

[21:49] to be like, damn you humanity.

[21:51] And he'll just, he'll, he'll somehow arrange it that the worst possible person is elected

[21:55] president of the United States, which as we know could never happen.

[21:58] But he'll arrange it that like the 10 unlikely things that could never happen altogether all

[22:03] happen together in one year.

[22:05] And just like the worst person becomes president and launches a nuclear war.

[22:08] That's the kind of thing that would happen if Halle Berry had said, I want my baby back.

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] Yeah.

[22:12] I think Elliot, yeah, I think that, I mean, that's pretty tight.

[22:14] That's a, that makes a lot of sense.

[22:16] Airtight.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:16] Airtight.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Now it, it sounds like at certain times, like they're trying to plant the idea that Halle Berry

[22:22] is not actually sure this is happening.

[22:24] Like maybe she's crazy, but then they kind of, they abandoned any hint of that pretty quickly,

[22:28] which I was glad about.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] And for the, for those of you guys listening at home that haven't watched kidnap, what

[22:32] are you doing?

[22:33] Go watch kidnap.

[22:34] But, um, she, uh, she very early, you're probably asking, why doesn't she just use her cell phone?

[22:40] Well, her cell phone died because she didn't charge it.

[22:44] So guys, make sure you carry an extra battery pack.

[22:46] And also then she dropped it in the street.

[22:48] Yeah.

[22:48] I love how they double up on it.

Dan McCoy

[22:50] It's, it's, it's not enough that the battery's dead.

[22:53] She has to drop it too.

Elliott Kalan

[22:54] Well, and also, and when she drops it, the movie is like, boom, boom.

[22:57] And like the movie is saying like, Hey, ahead of time viewer, I know what you're going to

[23:02] say should be the solution to this.

[23:03] Well, guess what?

[23:04] She can't do it.

[23:05] Bum, bum, bum.

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] I mean, have you, have you dropped your phone on concrete?

[23:08] I feel like that sound always goes in my head when I do that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] You're just like, no, you have to, this actually the funny, this is if this movie had gotten

[23:19] famous, here's the sketch I would have pitched at SNL is that she's chasing after her

[23:22] son and her phone drops and smashes and she goes, no.

[23:26] And then she drives to the Apple store and is like, okay, do I really need like the X?

[23:31] It seems so expensive.

[23:32] And like, she's just so much more concerned with getting a new phone than with getting her

Dan McCoy

[23:36] son back.

[23:37] No, for some reason I thought your, your sketch idea would be like, then she pulls out a second

[23:40] phone that she had on her and then she drops that one.

[23:43] And then she pulled out like an old rotary phone and drops that on the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] And she's like, no, why?

[23:48] That's a, that one, that's a pretty good silly stuff.

[23:50] Mine had more of a comment about consumerism, but yours is good too.

Stuart Wellington

[23:53] I love later on when she gets picked up by like a weird old guy.

[23:57] And she's like, Hey, I need to use her phone.

[24:00] And he's like, I don't have a phone.

[24:01] I got a radio though, but you only get reception over there.

Elliott Kalan

[24:08] That was, uh, so anyway, uh, she's chasing after them.

[24:12] They threaten her son until she lets them drive away, but she catches up with them again.

[24:16] She hears on the radio that police are looking for her car.

[24:19] Like she's trying to cause mayhem at a certain point so that the police will, will be looking

[24:24] for her so she can tell them her son is kidnapped.

[24:27] Uh, she finds the recorder, that little robot toy Frankie was playing with.

[24:30] And she hears the recording of this woman convincing Frankie to come along with her because her mom's

[24:35] looking for her for him.

Dan McCoy

[24:37] Which doesn't actually add like any new information to the situation.

[24:40] Like she's like, it's not like she's like, Oh my God, he got kidnapped.

Elliott Kalan

[24:44] Well, it's, it's, it tells you, you know, that there's a woman involved because it turns

[24:48] out the kidnappers are a man and a woman and they are like such, this is like even the same

[24:53] place in New Orleans, but the man is basically Florida man.

[24:55] And the, and the woman is Florida woman, I guess.

[24:59] Like they're sat there like this exactly the like scraggly denim jacket wearing people you

Stuart Wellington

[25:04] expect to be kidnapping children in the bayou.

[25:07] Well, there's, there's a certain, I feel like there's a fair amount of menace, at least

[25:10] in the woman.

[25:11] Like there's something like so.

[25:12] Oh, very much so.

[25:13] Like so dead eyed about this actress that she's, she's great.

[25:17] And it, when she, later on when she walks up to the car and she's like, Oh, it's, it's

[25:22] pretty scary.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] That was the first time we meet her.

[25:25] Yeah.

[25:25] So, so, uh, they, oh, so before that happens, uh, Hallie Berry tries to fly down a motorcycle

[25:31] cop and the motorcycle cop's like, you're speeding, slow down.

[25:34] And she's shouting out the window.

[25:35] My son was kidnapped and he's like, what?

[25:37] Nobody can ever hear her.

[25:39] Yeah.

[25:39] And then, so he's, he's like, pull over.

[25:41] And she's like, my son was kidnapped.

[25:43] What?

[25:43] Pull over.

[25:44] And then the bad guys slam the motorcycle cop up against Hallie Berry's van with their

[25:49] car and crush him to death, especially essentially.

[25:52] And like, it's like, Whoa, I didn't expect that to happen.

Stuart Wellington

[25:54] That was crazy.

[25:55] Yeah.

[25:55] I mean, it's between a speeding car and the most durable vehicle in the world.

[26:01] A 2011 Chrysler town and country.

Elliott Kalan

[26:04] I mean, that's when the safety standards that you buy that car for really become a problem.

Stuart Wellington

[26:08] Yeah.

[26:09] Because it's too safe.

Elliott Kalan

[26:10] Yeah.

[26:11] Hallie Berry walks away without a scratch.

Dan McCoy

[26:12] I do, I do expect at the end of the movie when everything is resolved, like, I want to see

[26:16] the epilogue to the movie where they're like arresting Hallie Berry and like, you were really

[26:20] brave, but you caused a lot of mayhem along the way.

[26:23] Like.

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] And like, and, and killed multiple people.

[26:26] Yeah.

[26:26] But so, uh, there's a face off with the kidnappers.

[26:29] The bad guy has a knife or something.

[26:32] She throws her, her purse or her pocketbook.

[26:35] I would call it at him, uh, or her wallet, but he doesn't want it.

[26:38] And then she gets back in her car and that's when the wife of the kid of the man kid never

[26:44] comes up.

[26:44] And like Stuart said, like, is there a relationship super well defined?

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] I mean, it's definitely a romantic relationship.

[26:51] Okay.

[26:51] That's fair.

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] I know.

[26:52] You know what?

[26:52] Maybe they are brother and sister.

[26:53] You're right.

[26:54] I, I, I was being very heteronormative.

[26:56] Maybe that's not the case.

[26:57] Maybe they're actually not in a romantic relationship.

Dan McCoy

[27:00] Maybe they're brother and sister who are in a romantic relationship together.

[27:03] It's the bayou.

[27:04] Who knows?

[27:05] They could be doing whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[27:06] I mean, that's a little classist, Dan.

[27:08] No, no, but they're, they're painted as, I mean, the movie is classist.

[27:11] Look, they're swamp people.

Dan McCoy

[27:13] They're painted as like swamp trash.

[27:15] Like that.

[27:15] Like they might as well have like a shirt that says that.

Elliott Kalan

[27:19] Say, like, Stuart, there's no, yeah, she might as well have a shirt with an arrow

[27:23] that says like, I'm with stupid because he's my brother and my lover.

[27:27] But here's here.

[27:28] Stuart, these are people who have never done something you and I have done many times,

[27:32] which is pour a two liter bottle of soda into a cup.

[27:35] To then transfer that soda to our mouths.

[27:39] These people have only ever taken the soda directly from the bottle into the mouth without a cup as a middleman in between.

[27:45] That's the people we're dealing with here.

[27:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:49] Yeah, that's fair.

[27:50] I mean, all their cups are probably sitting in an unattached dryer unit that's just sitting in the hallway of their Texas Chainsaw Massacre home.

Elliott Kalan

[27:58] Yeah.

[27:58] So this woman shows up and like Stuart says, there's just something so like she is.

[28:03] The actress playing this character, she's playing like this pulpy, like backwoods villain character.

[28:08] And she does.

[28:08] She's so good because she's so she seems so dead to the world.

[28:12] Like she has no whatever whatever vulnerable part of her died a long time ago and was replaced by just like, you know, whatever it takes to survive in the swamp.

[28:22] You know, like she saw her daddy get eaten by a gator when she was two.

[28:25] And since then she's been in trouble.

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] Her soul's filled with like crawdad parts.

Elliott Kalan

[28:32] And child tears.

[28:33] It's just gumbo and remolade.

[28:35] That's all that's in there.

[28:37] But she is when she first shows up that and she like leans into the window of Halle Berry's car.

[28:41] That was this like or no, she knocks on the window.

[28:44] I guess like that was the scariest moment of the whole whole movie for me.

[28:47] But anyway, she says, look, do you have ten thousand dollars?

[28:50] Because we'll give this kid back to you for ten thousand dollars.

[28:53] My my boyfriend slash husband slash brother Jimbo up there is going to drive your son.

[28:59] I'm going to get in your car.

[29:00] We're going to drive to a bank.

[29:02] We're going to get out ten thousand dollars and then you can have your son back.

[29:05] Halle Berry's like, oh, OK.

[29:07] And Halle Berry lets her into her car and she almost immediately tries to beat Halle Berry up.

[29:11] Tries to strangle her in the car.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] Which is a mistake because Halle Berry's in her home fucking turf, dude.

[29:17] When you're a town and country.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] When you're an owner of a 2011 Chrysler town and country.

Stuart Wellington

[29:24] Somebody like, welcome to my web, said the spider to the country person.

Dan McCoy

[29:28] Yeah, because she's saved by the great reclining seats that that car has because she's trying to be strangled by the seat belt and Halle Berry reclines and that lets her neck out of the noose, basically.

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] And the left and right side sliding back doors.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:48] Let me just say one thing about Halle Berry in this situation.

[29:51] Halle Berry has done something we should all do when we get a car, which is read the manual.

[29:55] She knows every feature of this car.

[29:57] She knows exactly what to do.

[29:59] And also she probably knows Krav Maga.

[30:01] I'm just going to put that out there, too.

[30:03] But it's town and country specific Krav Maga where they're like, OK, I'm going to show you how to use every part of your town and country to defeat an assailant.

[30:11] You're going to do it like this.

[30:12] Let's say you're in the driver's seat.

[30:13] Of course you are.

[30:14] It's your car.

[30:14] Don't ever let anybody else drive your car.

[30:16] It's your car.

[30:17] It's like a samurai's sword.

[30:19] It's his soul in a sheath.

[30:21] This is your soul in a minivan.

[30:22] So don't let anyone else drive it.

[30:23] You wouldn't let them drive your soul, would you?

[30:25] I wouldn't let anyone drive my soul.

[30:27] And she's like, can we speed it up?

[30:28] I have to pick up my kid.

[30:29] I don't have a lot of time for this session.

[30:33] But anyway, always read the manual.

[30:35] I guess whether it's a video game, a car, or surgical equipment, always read the manual.

[30:41] Absolutely.

[30:41] That's what I would say.

[30:42] And even if it's brought to you by a guy named Manuel, like, read his situation.

[30:47] Say like, hey, what's going on with you, Manuel?

[30:49] Like, let me, like, emotionally, physically, financially, I want to help you out.

[30:53] This is what's best.

[30:53] Just read all the manuals in Manuel's.

[30:56] If you're watching Fawlty Towers, pay close attention to Manuel, the character, because he's

[31:00] the funniest one in the whole show.

[31:01] Anyway.

[31:03] A bit of an ethnic character.

[31:06] Very much so.

[31:09] It's the famous caricature of the bumbling Spaniard that we're all so familiar with.

Stuart Wellington

[31:14] I like how Dan couched his critique there in case there are some big Fawlty Towers defenders.

Dan McCoy

[31:20] I mean, well, you know, it's a great show.

Elliott Kalan

[31:22] It just, you know, certain parts of it haven't aged particularly well.

[31:26] Sure.

[31:27] I mean, that scene where he is rude to the Germans who lived through World War II, that

[31:32] would never play now because those people would be elderly at this point.

[31:34] That scene is really aged.

[31:36] Anyway, so moving on.

[31:39] So Halle Berry eventually, she hurls the woman out of her car, again, taking advantage of

[31:46] those sliding rear doors, and tries to trick the male kidnapper into thinking that the female

[31:51] kidnapper has the car now by putting on the woman's jean jacket and just kind of like waving

[31:55] her hand around through the windshield.

[31:57] And it is, I, at this point, I really give the movie credit for being colorblind in its

[32:02] casting and in the characters because the male kidnapper never seems to be like, well, that

[32:06] seems to be a black arm wearing my girlfriend's sister's jacket.

[32:09] Yeah.

[32:10] Maybe she, I don't know.

[32:10] Maybe it's me.

[32:11] I mean, he's looking through a rearview mirror, dude.

[32:13] I guess that's true.

[32:14] It's difficult.

[32:14] Very shadowy.

[32:16] She's following the bad guy, but she's running low on gas.

[32:19] Chase time again.

[32:20] Again, super tense chase.

[32:22] And I don't want to, like, I feel like we have to keep mentioning that, like, what, 75%

[32:27] of this movie is just car chase.

[32:28] Yeah.

[32:29] Yeah.

[32:29] Like, it's just her in her car chasing after this guy.

[32:31] She finds the bad car abandoned.

[32:33] It was in an accident.

[32:34] The bad guy took Frankie off on foot.

[32:36] She goes into the sheriff's office to repeat it.

[32:38] Oh, sorry, to repeat it, to report it.

[32:40] And the sheriff is like, well, I'm the only one here.

[32:43] I'll send some cars out.

[32:44] They should be out in, like, 15 minutes.

[32:46] Just wait here, and we'll get it set up.

[32:48] And Halle Berry sees this wall of posters of kids who have been missing for years.

[32:52] And she's like, these are the ones who waited.

[32:55] I can't wait.

[32:55] And she goes on the hunt again.

[32:57] And she's just driving around town, sees the kidnapper's jacket in a trash can, looks

[33:02] up, another car starts pulling away.

[33:04] She follows that car.

Dan McCoy

[33:05] This is the biggest contrivance in the movie, that she just could just drive around after

[33:09] losing the guy and be like, oh, here he is again.

Stuart Wellington

[33:12] Yeah, like that car is driving suspiciously.

[33:15] Oh, wait.

[33:17] That's correct.

[33:18] That is the kidnapper.

Elliott Kalan

[33:19] Yeah.

[33:20] And it is so dead in the middle of the day that the one car on the road in this town is

[33:25] the kidnapper's car.

Stuart Wellington

[33:26] So the kidnapper knows she's onto him, and he runs over a lady in the street.

Elliott Kalan

[33:30] Well, this is after she smashes into his car a couple times.

[33:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:34] And so he runs over a woman in the street, and Halle Berry avoids the person on the street

[33:40] and then slams on the brakes so that the person who's already been run over doesn't get hit

[33:46] by another car.

[33:48] Her Chrysler town and country gets T-boned and does not move an inch.

Elliott Kalan

[33:54] Oh, no.

[33:54] So stable.

[33:55] So – and the airbag, instant opening.

[33:59] Like it's – you can't say enough about this car.

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] At this point, she's been in like four car accidents.

Elliott Kalan

[34:05] Yeah.

[34:06] And the handling.

[34:07] She swerves right around that person in the street.

[34:09] She doesn't offer any help.

[34:11] Not at all.

Stuart Wellington

[34:12] I mean she just gave that person their life back, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[34:16] Yeah.

[34:16] True.

[34:17] But the message that you send to the world by buying a Chrysler town and country minivan

[34:21] is I'm taking care of myself.

[34:23] You take care of you.

[34:25] Oh, wow.

[34:25] I'm in like a battle tank.

[34:27] Every man's an island, yeah.

[34:28] I can withstand anything.

[34:30] What are you doing to help you out?

[34:32] Because when the bomb falls and I'm protected because I'm in my Chrysler town and country,

[34:36] I don't have room for you.

[34:37] I got to watch my own family.

[34:39] So see ya.

[34:40] Except she doesn't say see ya.

[34:41] She stops and gets T-boned like you're saying by that other car.

[34:45] And then she's back on the hunt like immediately.

[34:47] And then she goes back on the hunt.

[34:48] But she slams into the bad guy's car but she runs out of gas.

[34:52] No.

[34:53] Why does she not have a solar-powered car?

[34:55] Why don't all of us have solar-powered cars?

[34:58] What happened, Dan?

[34:59] Why don't we have solar-powered cars?

Dan McCoy

[35:00] I assume it's some sort of vast conspiracy on the part of the car companies and the oil companies.

Elliott Kalan

[35:07] That's part of it.

[35:07] Also, it's a battery issue.

Stuart Wellington

[35:09] Oh, okay.

[35:09] So she leaves her gasless Chrysler town and country sitting in the road.

[35:15] She flags down another vehicle.

[35:16] This is that aforementioned older fellow without a cell phone but he does have a radio.

[35:21] They talk about it for a little while and then all of a sudden the kidnapper is back and he's on the attack.

Elliott Kalan

[35:28] And we've learned that the kidnapper went down a dead end.

[35:31] So he has to come back that way anyway.

[35:33] So he smashes into their car.

[35:35] Halle Berry blacks out, wakes up to find that the van driver is dead.

[35:39] And the male kidnapper is getting out of his car.

Stuart Wellington

[35:41] Just another name to be added to the cenotaph of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] Is he the first?

[35:49] He's the first death of the movie, right?

Stuart Wellington

[35:52] I'm sure that motorcycle cop probably died.

Elliott Kalan

[35:57] The motorcycle cop.

[35:58] If not dead, he's living a life worse than death since everything below his shoulders has been crushed.

[36:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:04] And at the point that the kidnappers, after killing a police officer, were like, okay, if you give us $10,000, we'll give you your kid back.

[36:14] Like, that's crazy.

[36:17] Like, they're way too far gone at that point.

[36:19] $10,000?

[36:20] What?

Elliott Kalan

[36:21] They just need enough to get them down to Mexico.

[36:23] Sure.

[36:23] And then, I guess, get in trouble there.

[36:27] So she wakes up, the man kidnapper, let's just call him Scraggly Joe.

[36:33] He's like, because he looks, or you know what?

[36:34] He looks kind of like Spike, Snoopy's brother who lives in the desert.

[36:39] Sure.

[36:39] You know, with the long, Scraggly mustache.

[36:42] Yes, sure.

Dan McCoy

[36:43] The what?

[36:43] The non-beagle version of Spike.

Stuart Wellington

[36:44] No, yeah, you're right.

[36:46] Dan's right.

[36:47] We wouldn't want the listeners to think that he's some kind of dog man.

Elliott Kalan

[36:51] He's no Dex Dogtective.

[36:53] No, no.

[36:54] He's a human man.

[36:55] He just has that kind of air of, like, droopiness about him.

[36:59] And he comes at her with a shotgun.

[37:01] And she's not in her town and country anymore.

[37:04] So she can't.

[37:05] She's in trouble.

[37:06] Although she then goes back into her town and country, right?

Stuart Wellington

[37:08] Yeah, of course.

[37:09] She leads him back into her safe space.

[37:12] Yeah.

[37:13] Then she uses the town and country's parking brake to drag that man through the woods, totally killing him.

[37:20] Yeah.

[37:20] And finally, the town and country smashes into a tree and is no more.

[37:26] Or is it?

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] Yeah, she traps him in the door and drags him through.

[37:30] And it's like she says a thank you, not to God, but to Chrysler for giving her.

[37:36] It's like you have to imagine there was at some point when He-Man's steed Battle Cat died in battle.

[37:41] And He-Man probably laid Battle Cat, a.k.a.

[37:44] Cringer.

[37:45] Yeah.

[37:45] To rest.

[37:46] And, oh, you know what probably happened is Cringer didn't turn into Battle Cat in time.

[37:52] And there was a battle.

[37:52] And He-Man was in danger.

[37:54] And Cringer, finding the Battle Cat inside of him that was always there, he leaped into the fray and saved He-Man.

[38:00] So it turned out Cringer was the real hero.

[38:02] And when He-Man was, I guess, giving him a Viking funeral and lighting him on fire, on the pyre he shed a tear and he said, Cringer, you were the real Battle Cat.

[38:12] Yeah.

[38:12] It was you all along.

Stuart Wellington

[38:14] So I guess write up that fanfic and post it to the internet.

[38:17] And then Teela says, you should have told him that when he was alive, damn it.

[38:22] Wow.

[38:23] And then she storms off to become evil Teela.

Elliott Kalan

[38:26] And He-Man looks over to Orko and Orko's like, I don't know, man.

[38:29] I don't even know if I have a face.

[38:32] I got my own problems.

[38:33] Like, what am I?

[38:36] I got my own issues here.

Stuart Wellington

[38:39] So yeah, the, so she, off the body of the dead kidnapper, she finds out the address of where her son most likely is being kept.

[38:49] And then she uses the still working, the still working, what is that, GPS unit in the Chrysler Town and Henry?

[38:57] It's like the navigation screen.

[38:58] So even in death, the Chrysler Town and Country provides one last bit of help.

[39:04] Oh, truly the hero of the film.

[39:06] She lays her hand on the hood of this damaged steed and then heads off to find her son.

Elliott Kalan

[39:14] Says silently, I will avenge you.

[39:17] Mm-hmm.

[39:18] And goes off.

[39:19] I, I mean, never has a passing of a hero been so beautiful.

Stuart Wellington

[39:25] It's, you know, I mean, I saw some, some notes, some like references to the death of Boromir in this moment.

[39:34] No.

[39:36] No.

[39:37] Maybe deep down the Chrysler Town and Country was chasing after the kid for its own ends.

[39:42] Maybe it wanted to catch the kid.

[39:44] Yeah.

[39:46] Who knows?

[39:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] There was a real, anyway, there's, it was, it was a truly heroic death worthy of this heroic character.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:54] And we should all take a moment to remember it, but not too much of a moment because she, night falls while she's walking to this house.

[40:00] She enters the house and the lady kidnapper is in there answering a phone call.

[40:04] Turns out they kidnap kids and sell them for money.

[40:07] And the lady is like, I want $100,000 now.

[40:09] You better pay up, blah, blah, blah.

[40:11] Halle Berry calls 911 after seeing the lady kidnapper leave and go into like a creepy old barn.

[40:16] And she grabs a knife.

[40:18] The shotgun she took with her, I guess she couldn't find the bullets.

[40:21] So she doesn't, she couldn't find the shells where they were stored.

Stuart Wellington

[40:23] It's a primitive weapon used only by Bayou folk.

Elliott Kalan

[40:28] Yeah.

[40:29] I guess it was, it's like elegant as a butcher knife.

[40:32] Yeah.

[40:32] It was, it had that probably a fingerprint lock.

[40:35] So she couldn't, she couldn't shoot it anyway.

[40:37] Yeah.

[40:37] Uh, it's coded to Bayou DNA, but, uh, like Robocop's gun.

[40:43] Uh, she calls 911.

[40:44] They say the police are coming.

[40:45] We have your location.

[40:47] And then she hears someone pick up the phone and start dialing and she hangs up.

[40:50] Uh, the kidnapping woman walks back in, finds the gun.

[40:53] The shotgun sees the phone is off the hook, gets in her pickup truck, drives away.

[40:58] I guess I assume to go see, Hey, where's my, where's my boyfriend's brother?

[41:03] Uh, Halle Berry sees that the woman just brought back from the barn a half empty pizza box and some juice boxes.

[41:09] But either, either.

[41:11] Wait a minute.

[41:12] This woman, either this woman is ashamed of her childish eating habits or perhaps I wonder, you know what it is probably like I was saying, they don't have cups.

[41:21] They're not used to drinking out of cups.

[41:23] So she's looking for some kind of drink that you can just drink it out of the thing you buy it in.

[41:28] And that's juice boxes.

Stuart Wellington

[41:29] Yeah.

[41:30] I mean, I feel like that's the moment.

[41:31] That's the closest moment you're going to get to like a hunter kneeling down to like feel the warmth of like the shit of an animal.

[41:38] Like that's the natural food.

[41:40] That's a natural prey of a kid.

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] There's a juice box carcass here.

[41:46] Still warm.

[41:47] They've been through this area.

[41:49] She goes to the barman, bar and calls for Frankie.

[41:51] Who's in like a locked loft area.

[41:53] And there's two other kids there.

[41:55] And she takes a jagged shovel and she's going to break a hole.

[41:58] I thought she was going to break a hole in the ceiling, but she's just going to knock a big pipe out of the way to make the hole bigger for them to go through.

[42:03] But then the kidnapper comes back.

[42:05] Oh, no.

[42:07] She knocks out that pipe.

[42:09] The kidnapper is loading the gun.

[42:11] Halle Berry says, other girls, I'll be back.

[42:14] Frankie, you come down.

[42:16] We got to get out of here.

[42:17] And she runs with Frankie.

[42:18] The kidnapper sticks a mean dog on them.

[42:21] No.

Stuart Wellington

[42:23] Terrible.

[42:24] They run down to a pier or a dock or whatever.

[42:28] And they sent out a dummy boat to trick the kidnapper when they're actually hiding under like they're Rambo.

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] Yeah, they're hiding under the dock in the water like Rambo.

[42:38] The kidnapper shoots her gun into the boat.

[42:41] But the dog smells them under the dock.

[42:43] And the kidnapper's like, huh?

[42:45] And she's about to shoot under there when, just like in Rambo, Halle Berry jumps up from under the dock and pulls the kidnapper down.

[42:53] And the gun goes off and shoots the dog.

[42:55] That's how good Halle Berry is at this point as a town and country commando.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] Well, the thing is, she has played so many games of Marco Polo.

[43:05] Oh.

[43:06] Of course she's going to murder this lady in a game of Marco Polo, right?

[43:10] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] I didn't even see that brilliant piece of seating and paying off.

[43:15] It's like, now she goes, it appears the Polo has become the Marco.

Dan McCoy

[43:22] Or she's like, to defeat.

[43:24] That was in the first draft of the screenplay.

[43:26] And they're like, can you take this line out?

Elliott Kalan

[43:28] Halle Berry was like, I can't figure out a way to deliver that line realistically.

[43:31] And I'm already in like three feet, four feet of water.

[43:34] So can we not do that?

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:36] Okay, you're the producer.

[43:37] You could have just asked me to take the line out.

[43:39] Do you think that it's that she was like, in order to defeat a Bayou Swamp person, I must become a Bayou Swamp person.

[43:48] Yeah.

[43:48] And that's when she decides she's going to hide in the water under the dock.

[43:53] She and the kidnapping lady, they fight a bunch in the water.

[43:56] And the kidnapping lady is what, dragged under by her heavy flashlight or something?

[44:01] That she's got on her?

[44:02] I mean, she like chokes her and all that stuff.

[44:05] And so Halle Berry drowns this woman right in front of her son.

[44:08] And it's one of those things where if you're a kid and you fantasize seeing your parents killing a kidnapper,

[44:13] you think you'd be like, that's awesome.

[44:15] But in real life, it would be the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life.

[44:18] Yeah.

[44:18] But that kid, he does his homework on time from now on.

[44:24] Oh, yeah.

[44:25] You better believe he's not leaving his mom's sight.

[44:28] And he's never drinking a juice box or eating pizza again.

[44:30] Because he now associates those with being kidnapped.

[44:36] So she goes back for the girls and a man walks in with a shotgun.

[44:40] He's like, I'm the neighbor.

[44:41] I'm the neighbor.

[44:42] What are you doing?

[44:43] She says, they were kidnapping people.

[44:44] I've been their neighbor for 14 years.

[44:46] That's crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[44:47] Guys, this guy's wearing a mask.

[44:48] This guy's wearing like an L.L. Bean sweater.

[44:50] There is no way he is the neighbor of these people.

[44:54] That is very true.

[44:55] Of course they're not.

[44:56] I just assumed they're weird cannibals, not kidnappers.

Elliott Kalan

[45:00] I just assumed that they were siblings who have sex with each other.

[45:03] I wasn't going to judge them.

[45:04] And they weren't going to judge me for running a hedge fund that's slowly destroying the world's economy.

[45:09] So you know what?

[45:10] Let's live and let live.

[45:11] And I thought for a moment.

[45:14] Is this going to be the message part of the movie where Halle Berry is shot for being black in a place where people are suspicious of that?

[45:21] Or at the end of Night of the living dead.

[45:23] Yeah.

[45:23] Where the black hero is killed tragically.

[45:26] But no, that's not what it is.

[45:28] He says, oh, let me help you get those kids out of there.

[45:30] And she goes, let me help you get those girls out of there.

[45:33] And she goes, I didn't tell you there was more than one kid up there or that they were girls.

Dan McCoy

[45:36] This guy was in on it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:38] Yeah, of course.

[45:39] And so while he reaches for the gun behind his back, Halle Berry slashes him across the body with her jagged shovel.

Stuart Wellington

[45:46] She blasts him in the head with it.

[45:48] And then later on when she's being let out by the cops, they're like, you killed all those guys.

[45:54] She killed that dude with one hit.

Elliott Kalan

[45:57] They're like, do you want an application to the police force?

[46:01] She says, and she says, you took the wrong kid, which should be the slogan of the movie.

[46:07] They took the wrong kid.

[46:08] Just her angry face.

[46:10] And it was like, I have to admit, as a parent at that moment, I was like, yeah, that's damn right.

[46:15] You did take the wrong kid.

[46:17] But the implication is also, if you had taken another kid that wasn't mine, peace be with you.

[46:23] God bless.

[46:24] Do what you want to do.

[46:25] I'm in my town and country.

[46:26] I can take care of myself.

[46:28] You took my kids.

[46:28] That means trouble.

[46:29] But you should have taken another kid.

Stuart Wellington

[46:30] Yeah, if she had just, you know, guys, if she had just worked the double like her boss had said, none of this would have happened.

[46:36] If she had just accepted her place as a cog in this grist mill of capitalism.

[46:43] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:44] In the food industrial complex that she's just a tiny piece of.

[46:50] Yeah.

[46:50] This never would have been a happen.

Dan McCoy

[46:52] Yeah.

[46:52] The moral of the story.

[46:53] I just said this never would have been a happen.

[46:54] Yeah.

[46:55] This never would have been a happen.

[46:56] Eh?

[46:58] No.

[46:58] Yeah.

[46:59] The moral of the story is don't go to the fair, basically.

Elliott Kalan

[47:02] Or always work a double shift.

[47:04] Yeah.

[47:04] Just you'll get overtime pay for it, probably.

[47:07] But a helicopter appears overhead.

[47:09] The police have arrived.

[47:10] And we just hear these news reports that are talking about how this was a multiple state child abduction ring that's now been broken up.

[47:16] Now that Halle Berry has revealed it.

[47:18] And it ends on the line of a newscast.

[47:20] This is just audio.

[47:21] We end on a newscaster saying, this mother is one incredible hero.

[47:25] As if the audience didn't get it up till then.

[47:29] But like, it's one of those.

[47:30] It's like.

[47:30] Oh.

[47:32] It is to this movie what the moment is in the imitation game where it's like, we call them computers.

[47:37] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[47:38] That thinking machine he was building was a computer.

[47:41] I get it.

[47:43] Now, did you guys stick around for the after credits scene where Nick Fury shows up and invites you to become part of the Fantastic Four?

[47:49] Have you heard of the Angry Parents Initiative?

Elliott Kalan

[47:53] Oh.

[47:54] Now, guys, let me be straight about this movie.

[47:57] Let me just be clear about it.

[47:58] This movie operated for me on exactly the level and in exactly the way it was intended to operate for me.

[48:06] Like, this is.

[48:08] I don't remember the last time I've seen a movie where I was as on edge while watching it as this one.

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:14] And like, as like, it had me in its grip.

[48:17] Until, like, the first, like I said, the first 10, 15 minutes, I was like, this is dumb.

[48:21] But then as soon as she gets in her car, from then until the end of the movie, I was like, what's going to happen?

[48:26] You got to catch that kid.

Dan McCoy

[48:28] Yeah.

[48:28] I mean, well, that sounded like a final judgment.

[48:30] So let's make it official.

[48:32] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like?

[48:34] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] I would say I'd go even farther than a movie I kind of liked.

[48:39] This was a movie I would recommend.

[48:42] Really?

[48:42] To people who want to watch, to people who want to watch like a trash chase thriller.

[48:46] Yeah.

[48:46] Like, it's not, if you want to watch a movie that's just like, it's just nonstop, like, white knuckle, a kid is in danger, and you're, and a woman, and the angry mother is chasing swamp people in her, in her town and country minivan.

[48:58] Like, yeah.

[48:59] Then this is a good version of that.

[49:00] Like, this is a good, like, exploitation, dumb thriller.

Dan McCoy

[49:04] Yeah.

[49:04] I would say this is a movie I kind of liked.

[49:06] I don't think I, I think I probably am, like, slightly less high on it.

[49:10] But, because I, for me, as soon as she got out of the car, like, things sort of slowed down a little bit.

[49:16] All the stuff at the end was not as, as thrilling to me as, like, the car chase stuff.

[49:20] The car chase stuff is the good stuff.

[49:22] But, but yeah, I had fun watching this movie.

[49:24] I was, I was kind of surprised.

[49:25] And it's, like, I think it's less than 90 minutes.

[49:28] I'm not sure about that, but it's, it's very short.

Elliott Kalan

[49:30] I think it's, like, yeah, I think it's, like, 85 minutes long or 81 minutes.

[49:33] Like, this is, they did not stretch out this movie.

[49:36] And also, all the stuff I thought was going to come into, like, I was, like, oh, maybe her.

[49:40] Her husband's kidnapped the kid because he wants custody.

[49:43] And he's trying to make it look like she's insane.

[49:45] Like, I, I was, like, what dumb twist are you going to put on this movie?

[49:48] No, no dumb twist.

[49:50] It is, it's so straightforward.

[49:52] She's at the fair.

[49:53] Her kid gets taken.

[49:54] She chases after it.

[49:55] And that's it.

Stuart Wellington

[49:56] Yeah, I mean, it's, it's a movie that begins at a fair.

[50:00] Has a, has a, has a long car chase.

[50:02] And then basically ends at the Baker house from Resident Evil 7.

[50:08] So, yeah, I'm, I'm into it.

[50:11] No, it was great.

[50:12] And it was short.

[50:13] You know, like, 85 minutes.

[50:15] Heck yeah, give me that.

[50:16] And I feel like this was, it was a telling sign that usually when we're watching a, when

[50:23] I'm watching a movie for the show and I get up to go to the bathroom and my wife goes,

[50:28] do you want me to pause it?

[50:29] And I'm like, no.

[50:32] This is my time.

[50:33] I'm taking a break.

[50:35] Yeah.

[50:37] But no, this time I smashed the pause button because I didn't want to miss a moment.

Elliott Kalan

[50:42] Yeah.

[50:42] So this, so yeah, if you like watching like trash thrillers, then this is a good one to

[50:48] go to.

[50:49] You know, I was, there was part of me, I was having, I was worried because like 30 minutes

[50:53] into the movie, I was like, we are going to have trouble.

[50:55] What are we going to talk about on the podcast?

[50:57] Unless this movie goes way off the rails, like I'm enjoying it way too much.

[51:01] Right.

[51:02] Well, I mean like.

[51:03] Like it's a movie that did not, it didn't try to be smarter than it is, which I really

[51:07] appreciate.

[51:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:10] Hey guys, we should talk a little bit more about the Max Fun Drive.

Stuart Wellington

[51:13] Hey, Max Fun Drive.

[51:19] Look.

[51:19] Do we have to say it like that?

[51:21] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[51:23] So Dan, what is the Max Fun Drive?

[51:25] For anyone who is a new listener to this episode, never heard this show before, not familiar

[51:29] with Max Fun, what keeps the lights on and what keeps us afloat?

[51:33] Explain the Max Fun Drive.

[51:35] Well.

[51:35] Max Fun Drive.

[51:36] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[51:38] Explain the Max Payne Drive.

[51:41] Now this, this is how we keep ourselves funded.

[51:45] I mean, basically, I mean, you know, we do, we do a few ads, but those, we'll be honest,

[51:51] are a small fraction of the, you know, the, the, the money we get for doing the podcast.

[51:57] It, most of it comes from listeners like you who have memberships to maximum fun.

[52:02] And it helps us be able to keep doing what we're doing.

[52:06] I'm, I, I don't want to panic anyone.

[52:09] I don't want to make them a little extra anxious, but, uh, I think that's fair to say that like

[52:14] this year it was a little harder to keep the show going than in previous years, just because

[52:18] Elliot moved, you know, uh, we've like, there's, that's the main reason.

[52:24] Our lives have changed a little bit, you know, like, and, and, and what do you, what are you,

Stuart Wellington

[52:29] what are you trying to tell me, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[52:31] No, I'm just saying like, I'm, well, I guess I'm, I guess I'm saying it's the last episode.

[52:36] Good night, everybody.

[52:37] Yeah.

[52:38] So donate.

Elliott Kalan

[52:39] Um, no, no, it's no, I, it's, it helps to, there's certain, like, as someone speaking for

[52:45] myself, as someone with a family, it is, I love doing this show.

[52:48] I love doing it with you guys, especially because you're my good buddies and I like entertaining

[52:52] people, but like, it makes it much more doable in a world where I have a family to take care

[52:58] of and spend time with that we're paid for this.

[53:01] Yeah, we are.

[53:02] And, uh, and it means, and especially not to pull the curtain back on my life too much.

[53:06] Starting out a new life in LA as a freelance person, I don't have the kind of steady income

[53:12] that I once did.

[53:14] And getting the income from this show has been a huge help in making sure that I don't have

[53:19] to, I mean, really what it makes sure is that I can, I can have the career that I want to

[53:25] have and don't find myself doing work that I would then have to, I guess, murder myself

[53:31] for doing.

Dan McCoy

[53:32] No, that's too intense.

Elliott Kalan

[53:33] I guess, uh, what it really is, it's like a huge help in keeping me afloat too.

Dan McCoy

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:37] I have to say.

[53:38] We all have responsibilities.

[53:39] Elliot has a family.

[53:41] Stuart, uh, runs a business.

[53:42] I have crippling depression that I need to feed.

[53:45] Yeah.

[53:46] So, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:47] But I'm buying new things.

[53:48] Yeah.

[53:49] Yeah.

[53:49] I mean, you can't just survive on writing Thundercats fan fiction, Dan.

[53:53] No, I can't.

[53:55] Believe me, I have tried.

Dan McCoy

[53:57] Uh, but listen, if you become a member, it's good for you too.

[54:00] Cause you'll feel good every time you listen to the show.

[54:04] Uh, you'll be like, I, I'm your boss.

Elliott Kalan

[54:06] Yeah.

[54:06] I own these people.

[54:07] That's right.

[54:08] I paid your salaries.

[54:09] Oh, that's fun.

[54:10] Uh, I.

[54:11] The same way every time I get pulled over by a cop, I say, I pay your salary, sir.

[54:15] Yeah.

[54:15] I went through.

[54:16] I don't really do that.

Stuart Wellington

[54:16] I went through a pretty lean time a little bit ago and it's, it's nice to be able to,

[54:22] uh, when I got out of that lean time, it felt really good to be able to support things

[54:26] that I like.

[54:27] Uh, and you know, especially when it's something like art or something I enjoy.

Dan McCoy

[54:34] Oh, and I, I would also like to say it benefits, uh, folks too, in that the more that we get

[54:41] funding.

[54:41] Did I just call our fucking podcast art?

[54:44] I wasn't going to say anything.

Elliott Kalan

[54:45] Yeah, but you meant it was like short for Arthur.

[54:47] Okay.

[54:47] Like its name is Arthur Flophouse.

[54:49] Ugh.

Dan McCoy

[54:50] Uh, one, one benefit, uh, for listeners too, I mean, depending on where you live is, uh,

[54:56] the money that you give us helps us do things like tour, uh, which maybe we wouldn't be able

[55:01] to do if we weren't, if we didn't have money in the coffers.

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:06] Um, so we get to go out and do live shows, which is something we really enjoy.

[55:11] Uh, and if they're in, but that's not everything.

[55:12] If they're a new upgrading donor.

Stuart Wellington

[55:15] Oh yeah.

[55:15] Uh, you, if this is your first time, uh, becoming a member of max fun, or if you're an existing

[55:20] member that increases your monthly, uh, donation, uh, you're going to get some cool prizes,

[55:26] some cool gifts.

[55:28] Yeah.

[55:28] There's pledge gifts.

Elliott Kalan

[55:29] Um, so, so if you go to maximum fund.org slash donate, you'll see that you can donate

[55:34] at a number of different levels as low as $5 a month or as high as $200 a month.

[55:40] And, uh, the best stuff I think is probably around like if you do the 10, 20 or $35 levels

[55:46] a month, that's when the most exciting things that you get are there.

Dan McCoy

[55:49] Yeah.

[55:49] But let's go, let's go through some of these gifts.

[55:51] Um, at the $5 per month level, there's exclusive bonus content.

[55:55] And that means that at this point there's literally hundreds of hours of extra max fun shows that

[56:03] you don't get as a regular, uh, non contributing person.

[56:08] Um, including several hours of, uh, flop house shows.

[56:12] We've done some things like we've talked about bad TV shows instead of, uh, bad movies.

[56:17] We've done extra, uh, letter segments.

[56:20] We've done, what, what else have we done?

[56:22] We've done some other stuff, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[56:23] Yeah.

[56:23] And we got, uh, we got a special new, uh, set of, uh, bonus episodes that are going to

[56:29] be coming to you.

[56:30] Oh yeah.

[56:30] I think the first one's going to be coming up pretty soon.

[56:32] Uh, that's an extension of the, uh, flop house crossovers with the adventure zone.

[56:39] Uh, this was a complicated project that we put together.

[56:44] Um, and I am looking forward to you guys getting a chance to hear it.

Elliott Kalan

[56:48] Uh, at the, so that's just at $5 a month.

[56:51] You just get all that bonus content, but wait, there's more.

Dan McCoy

[56:54] At the $10 per month level, you get a beautiful enamel pen designed by Megan Lynn Cott.

[57:00] And you may remember that there were, have been enamel pens in the past.

[57:03] This is a brand new design.

[57:05] We've seen the flop house one.

[57:07] It's a lovely picture of Nicholas Cage with good, bad under it.

[57:10] Don't know why you had to say lovely.

[57:12] I thought it was implied.

[57:14] Redundant.

[57:15] At the $20 per month level, you'll get the MaxFun family cookbook, which is, uh, a bunch

[57:20] of, uh, recipes from MaxFun, uh, contributors.

[57:24] Do you guys want to know how I roast vegetables at home?

Elliott Kalan

[57:28] Yeah.

[57:29] Because it's in there.

Dan McCoy

[57:29] Is it?

[57:30] Good.

[57:30] I'm glad that you got it in.

Elliott Kalan

[57:31] Because I was like, did we get something in there?

[57:34] Yes, we did.

[57:34] I, there's a way that I roast vegetables at home that my wife taught me.

[57:37] And then I kicked it up a notch by increasing the seasoning by like a thousand fold.

[57:42] And it's in there.

[57:43] You'll, you'll enjoy it.

[57:44] I think you guys are going to like it.

Dan McCoy

[57:45] Uh, at the $35 per month level, there's a one liter juice carafe, which is, uh, engraved

[57:51] for the MaxFun rocket logo.

[57:53] And you don't, you don't need to put juice in there.

[57:54] You could put in other things.

[57:56] You know, if you're a drinker, you could put some alcoholic beverages in there.

[57:59] I'm not going to tell.

[58:00] I'm not going to tell your parents.

Elliott Kalan

[58:01] Anything that's carafeable.

[58:02] Pee in it.

[58:03] I don't care.

[58:04] Use it.

[58:04] Use it wisely.

[58:05] Here's the thing.

[58:06] You're a swamp person.

[58:07] You live in a shack.

[58:08] You're not used to pouring things into cups.

[58:11] Here's a good start.

[58:13] Pour it.

Elliott Kalan

[58:13] Pour that soda out of the bottle into a carafe and then pour that carafe into a glass and

[58:17] then drink it that way.

Dan McCoy

[58:19] Um, so we don't want to, we don't want to, you know, talk your ear off about this.

[58:24] We'll be back at the end of the show to talk a little bit more about it.

[58:27] But for now, uh, just go to maximumfund.org forward slash donate.

[58:33] And, uh, you know, uh, what I wanted to say, one of the great things about this is you

[58:38] get to choose which shows you listen to and the money goes directly to the people that

[58:43] you listen to.

[58:44] So, uh, you know that the art you particularly, I said it again, I said it too, Stuart.

[58:49] I said art.

[58:50] Uh, the stuff that you like gets supported directly.

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] Um, so that's-

[58:55] I'm going to call it comedy and culture instead of art because that's what they say in the

[58:59] MaxFun stinger at the end is comedy and culture.

[59:02] But, uh, if, don't worry, if there's a show you hate on MaxFun and you're worried you're

[59:06] going to donate to us and it's going to go to that show, don't worry.

[59:09] When you donate to us, it goes to us.

[59:11] We're not sharing that money with the show you hate.

[59:13] We're keeping it for ourselves and we're going to eat it up and it's going to go in

[59:16] our bellies.

[59:16] So the other show can't ever get it.

[59:18] So, uh, if you, if you go, when you go to pledge, you choose which show you want to donate

[59:23] to and you should choose Flophouse if that's the one you want to donate to.

[59:26] And I hope it is because then the money goes to us.

[59:29] Uh, but don't worry that you're like, oh, I don't want, I don't want my money to go to

[59:33] a show that I don't want it to.

[59:34] That's a pretty good impression of our listeners, by the way.

[59:36] Yeah.

[59:37] Yeah.

[59:38] They're like, most of our listeners don't like other MaxFun shows.

[59:41] No, I'm just kidding.

[59:41] They like a lot of them.

[59:42] They're a lot of good shows.

[59:43] Yeah.

[59:44] I'm a member.

[59:44] I donate to a lot of shows.

[59:46] Um, but.

[59:47] Let's.

[59:48] So go to, and I want to say this.

[59:50] Yeah.

[59:50] I would love it if you stopped the podcast right now.

[59:53] Pause it.

[59:53] Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate right now and do it now while you're thinking about it.

[59:58] Yeah.

[59:58] Because you're probably going to forget to do it.

[1:00:00] Don't put it on your to-do list.

[1:00:01] It's got to be during the pledge drive.

[1:00:03] Go, go do it.

[1:00:04] And then, uh, and then come back.

[1:00:06] Or listen to this while you're doing it.

[1:00:08] I don't know.

[1:00:08] You don't have to stop.

[1:00:10] Yeah.

[1:00:10] Or if you're like, if you're at the gym right now, then like.

[1:00:13] Yeah, yeah.

[1:00:14] Stop.

[1:00:14] Stop exercising and go home and do this.

[1:00:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:17] While you're at the gym anyway.

[1:00:19] You know, that's a, that's a tiring thing to do.

[1:00:22] What?

[1:00:23] Going to the gym?

[1:00:23] Yeah.

[1:00:24] Yeah?

[1:00:25] It's no fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:25] Put down the weights.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:27] Yeah.

[1:00:27] Stop it.

[1:00:28] Okay.

[1:00:29] Also, you're making me look bad.

[1:00:31] So.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:31] Stop making Dan look bad.

[1:00:33] You know what would help make Dan feel a little bit better about you looking better than him?

[1:00:36] Yeah.

[1:00:36] Give him some money.

[1:00:37] Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[1:00:39] Also, and I hate to say it, the house cat owes a lot of money to some very bad people.

[1:00:44] And we, anyhow, would be appreciated.

[1:00:45] You said you weren't going to bring that up, dude.

[1:00:47] He trusted you.

[1:00:48] Now's the time.

[1:00:49] If ever.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:52] So now we should.

[1:00:53] So what do we do next on the podcast, Dan?

[1:00:55] Do we talk more about the pledge drive?

[1:00:57] Now in the podcast, we move on to letters.

[1:01:00] Oh, letter bag.

[1:01:01] Yeah.

[1:01:02] Our movie mailbag.

[1:01:03] We haven't called it that in a while.

[1:01:04] Why not bring that back?

[1:01:07] So these are listeners like you.

[1:01:08] They've written in.

[1:01:10] You can write in.

[1:01:11] If you go to the show page at Flop Us Podcast.

[1:01:16] Are you just vamping while you find the letters?

[1:01:17] Hey, Dan.

[1:01:17] A little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:19] Hey, Dan.

[1:01:19] It seems like you're vamping till a song kicks in.

[1:01:23] Well, guess what?

[1:01:24] Good news for you.

[1:01:26] I've got a song and it's coming through.

[1:01:28] To our pledge donors all over the world.

[1:01:32] Pledge donors top to bottom.

[1:01:35] Pledge donors.

[1:01:37] They're going to hurl.

[1:01:38] When they find out all the great stuff they're going to get.

[1:01:40] When they pledge.

[1:01:41] Hey, Dan.

[1:01:42] Sometimes you're waiting for a letters song to kick in.

[1:01:46] But the guy who's waiting for the moment to sing the song.

[1:01:49] Is curious just how long you'll go before the song kicks in.

[1:01:54] And so I let you hang a little longer.

[1:01:57] So I let you dangle over the pit of.

[1:02:00] What kind of pit would it be?

[1:02:01] I was going to say pit of Damocles.

[1:02:03] But that's a sort of Damocles that hangs over somebody else.

[1:02:05] So forget that part.

[1:02:07] Let's get to the heart of the song.

[1:02:09] For the show.

[1:02:10] For letters.

[1:02:11] Cause hey guys reading letters.

[1:02:13] That ain't cheap.

[1:02:14] We pay a hundred people to read all the letters.

[1:02:17] Then they get extra money when they find a good letter.

[1:02:19] And they pass it along to us.

[1:02:21] That's a lot of overhead.

[1:02:24] Financially it would leave us dead.

[1:02:26] Without the pledges that you bring in.

[1:02:28] For the letter readers.

[1:02:30] From letter writers.

[1:02:31] That give it to us.

[1:02:32] And then they read it to Dan.

[1:02:34] Because Dan can't read.

[1:02:36] That's his secret.

[1:02:39] He's ashamed of it.

[1:02:40] He asked me not to tell.

[1:02:42] But I figured.

[1:02:43] What the hell.

[1:02:44] For the pledge donors.

[1:02:46] They can learn the truth.

[1:02:47] Dan's illiterate.

[1:02:49] Both when it comes to reading.

[1:02:51] And also somewhat emotionally.

[1:02:54] And so hey.

[1:02:55] We want to get Dan these glasses.

[1:02:57] So he can finally use those glasses.

[1:03:00] And read a letter to himself for once.

[1:03:03] So why don't you help us make Dan's dream a reality.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:08] With letters.

[1:03:09] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:09] That's the definition of insult.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:11] When Elliot realizes he knows the rhyme.

[1:03:14] Like he starts to pick up an intensity.

[1:03:18] It's like I just said tell.

[1:03:20] Now I'm going to say what the hell.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:24] So this first letter is from Jake.

[1:03:26] Last name was held.

[1:03:27] And the fat man.

[1:03:28] That's right.

[1:03:29] Both of them.

[1:03:31] He writes.

[1:03:32] Hey floppers.

[1:03:34] I recently finished reading George Saunders novel.

[1:03:36] Lincoln and the Bardo.

[1:03:37] The acclaimed strange affecting novel.

[1:03:39] About President Lincoln coping with the death of his young son.

[1:03:42] And the escalating civil war.

[1:03:44] Naturally because I spend way too much time listening to you three.

[1:03:46] I wondered immediately.

[1:03:47] If noted Lincoln head Elliot Kalin had read the book.

[1:03:50] This also made me wonder.

[1:03:51] What the floppers like to read.

[1:03:53] I know there have been some comics recommendations in the past.

[1:03:56] But since you three have steered me well with movies over the years.

[1:03:58] I wanted to ask.

[1:03:59] Are there any books you three always find yourself recommending?

[1:04:02] Anything recent?

[1:04:04] Thanks for the recs.

[1:04:05] Keep on flopping.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:07] I have read Lincoln and the Bardo.

[1:04:09] And I really liked it a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:11] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] Well that answers that question.

[1:04:14] I think the format he decided to write it in.

[1:04:17] Is a little difficult.

[1:04:19] In a way that.

[1:04:21] It's written as if it's all quotes.

[1:04:23] Taken from different sources.

[1:04:25] So you don't always know who's talking.

[1:04:26] Until you get to the bottom of the quote.

[1:04:28] And you read their name.

[1:04:29] But I thought.

[1:04:30] Of all the things I've read.

[1:04:32] That have tried to get inside of Lincoln's head.

[1:04:34] And his way of thinking.

[1:04:35] I thought George Saunders did it best.

[1:04:36] The times when you're inside Lincoln's.

[1:04:39] Thought process.

[1:04:40] I was like.

[1:04:40] This is probably how his thinking worked.

[1:04:42] So I thought he did a really fantastic job with it.

[1:04:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:44] I think.

[1:04:45] To answer the larger question.

[1:04:47] I believe I've mentioned.

[1:04:48] Some of my favorite books before.

[1:04:50] So I won't belabor that.

[1:04:52] I mean like I talked about.

[1:04:54] Robertson Davies.

[1:04:54] The Deptford Trilogy.

[1:04:55] I think I've talked about.

[1:04:56] How much I like.

[1:04:57] Harpo Marx's autobiography.

[1:04:58] Harpo Speaks.

[1:05:00] I love.

[1:05:01] The Alice books.

[1:05:02] By Lewis Carroll.

[1:05:03] Those are some of my like.

[1:05:05] Personal favorites.

[1:05:07] But in terms of like stuff.

[1:05:08] I've been reading lately.

[1:05:10] I read.

[1:05:11] Miranda July's novel.

[1:05:13] The First Bad Man.

[1:05:15] Which I.

[1:05:16] Thought was.

[1:05:17] Pretty terrific.

[1:05:19] You know.

[1:05:19] She's.

[1:05:20] Known as.

[1:05:21] An artist.

[1:05:21] And a.

[1:05:22] Filmmaker.

[1:05:23] She made me.

[1:05:24] You and everyone.

[1:05:24] Everyone we know.

[1:05:26] And the future.

[1:05:27] I may have fucked up the first title.

[1:05:29] I can't remember whether it's everyone or everybody.

[1:05:30] But.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:33] Well.

[1:05:33] We'll let you.

[1:05:34] The fans will let you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:35] It will be scathing.

[1:05:36] Oh.

[1:05:36] By the way.

[1:05:37] Speaking of which.

[1:05:37] I fucked up.

[1:05:39] On.

[1:05:39] So.

[1:05:40] In The Snowman.

[1:05:41] Oleg's father is actually some sort of Russian mobster.

[1:05:45] He's not Harry Holt.

[1:05:46] So.

[1:05:47] I just wanted to put that out there.

[1:05:49] But anyway.

[1:05:50] Miranda July's novel.

[1:05:51] We figured it out.

[1:05:53] It was not clear from the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:54] And I couldn't remember the book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:55] We were just like a couple of Harry Holt's there.

[1:05:57] Figuring that one out.

[1:05:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:00] Too late for me to win at pub trivia.

[1:06:02] But.

[1:06:03] Okay.

[1:06:03] Fine.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:04] It's a.

[1:06:05] Like.

[1:06:05] It's a very interesting book.

[1:06:07] It's a character study of a very odd.

[1:06:09] Sort of character.

[1:06:10] Who's.

[1:06:11] Very lovable.

[1:06:12] I.

[1:06:12] The second half of the book.

[1:06:13] Didn't resonate with me.

[1:06:15] As much as the first.

[1:06:16] Just because of who I am.

[1:06:17] I'm a childless man.

[1:06:18] And the second half of the book.

[1:06:19] Is very much about motherhood.

[1:06:21] So.

[1:06:21] It wasn't like.

[1:06:22] You're talking about Miranda July's book.

[1:06:24] Miranda July's book.

[1:06:24] For a second.

[1:06:25] I thought you were talking about Harry Holt.

[1:06:26] Yeah.

[1:06:26] The second part of the book.

[1:06:27] Was.

[1:06:28] How Harry Holt became a mother.

[1:06:30] It was just like Junior.

[1:06:31] With Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[1:06:32] Yeah.

[1:06:33] But.

[1:06:33] I.

[1:06:34] I would recommend that book.

[1:06:35] To.

[1:06:36] Other.

[1:06:37] Readers.

[1:06:38] Other.

[1:06:39] Books that the rest of you.

[1:06:41] Are.

[1:06:41] The rest of you being.

[1:06:42] The two others.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:44] I mean.

[1:06:45] I don't know.

[1:06:45] I.

[1:06:46] I have a.

[1:06:47] I like a lot of.

[1:06:49] Like weird fiction.

[1:06:50] Your Jeff Vandermeers.

[1:06:52] Your China.

[1:06:52] Me A.

[1:06:53] Vills.

[1:06:55] And.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:55] And.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:55] And.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:55] And.

[1:06:56] And.

[1:06:57] I also have a tendency to like.

[1:06:59] Read a lot of.

[1:07:00] Like comfort stuff for me.

[1:07:02] So.

[1:07:03] Like my comfort zone is usually like.

[1:07:05] Bernard Cornwell.

[1:07:07] Historical war novels.

[1:07:08] And.

[1:07:09] Like historical fiction.

[1:07:11] Or.

[1:07:12] You know.

[1:07:12] The Sharps.

[1:07:13] Yeah.

[1:07:14] The Sharps rifles.

[1:07:15] And his.

[1:07:15] His Arthurian.

[1:07:17] Trilogy.

[1:07:18] His warlord chronicles.

[1:07:19] It's awesome.

[1:07:20] I think.

[1:07:20] And they made the.

[1:07:21] The.

[1:07:22] They made that TV show.

[1:07:23] Last Kingdom.

[1:07:24] Based on a series.

[1:07:25] It's really great.

[1:07:27] And.

[1:07:28] And like.

[1:07:29] Dan Abnett's.

[1:07:30] Sci-fi stuff.

[1:07:31] I don't know.

[1:07:32] You know.

[1:07:32] Nerdy crap.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:34] I think I've mentioned my favorite books before on the podcast.

[1:07:37] The Power Broker by Robert Caro.

[1:07:39] It's my favorite non-fiction book.

[1:07:41] Runner Up.

[1:07:42] The Journalist and the Murderer by Janet Malcolm.

[1:07:44] And my favorite fiction books are Alice in Wonderland as Dan mentioned.

[1:07:47] And also The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton.

[1:07:50] But some books I just read recently that I liked a lot.

[1:07:52] I really liked the book Kindred by Octavia Butler.

[1:07:56] Which is kind of a time travel novel about.

[1:07:59] About someone from modern days going back to slave times.

[1:08:04] Whenever her ancestor is in trouble.

[1:08:06] And it went in directions I didn't expect it to go.

[1:08:09] And I thought it was really good.

[1:08:10] And.

[1:08:11] If you like George Saunders.

[1:08:13] There's a short story book that came out a couple years ago.

[1:08:15] Called The Hall of Small Mammals.

[1:08:17] That is very George Saunders like.

[1:08:20] But I actually liked it a little bit more than.

[1:08:22] Than I usually like his work.

[1:08:24] I can't remember the name of the author.

[1:08:25] Which I feel bad about.

[1:08:26] But it's called.

[1:08:26] But it's called The Hall of Small Mammals.

[1:08:28] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:30] I hope that.

[1:08:32] Gives some.

[1:08:33] Some listeners.

[1:08:34] A little direction.

[1:08:35] That they might want to.

[1:08:37] You know.

[1:08:37] Follow up on.

[1:08:38] But.

[1:08:38] The next letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:40] And right now.

[1:08:40] I'm also reading an academic text.

[1:08:42] Called The Comic Hero.

[1:08:44] About the idea of.

[1:08:45] That there is a.

[1:08:46] Hero of comedy.

[1:08:47] In the same way that there's a hero of tragedy.

[1:08:49] And looking at different.

[1:08:50] Stuff.

[1:08:51] And I'm enjoying that a lot.

[1:08:52] But it's.

[1:08:54] But it's like a little bit.

[1:08:55] It's a little bit more into.

[1:08:58] Text analysis than I'm used to.

[1:08:59] So I don't know if I.

[1:09:00] I'd recommend it to someone who wants to read an academic book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:03] But I don't know if you do.

[1:09:04] Yeah.

[1:09:04] The only academic stuff I read is.

[1:09:06] Old issues of Nintendo Power Magazine.

[1:09:10] You're like.

[1:09:10] What's Nestor up to this time?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:13] Now.

[1:09:14] Here's my problem with it.

[1:09:15] So when I was a kid.

[1:09:16] I.

[1:09:17] Like.

[1:09:17] I never had a subscription to Nintendo Power.

[1:09:19] And I always wanted it.

[1:09:20] I put my phone down.

[1:09:21] So I would just borrow.

[1:09:23] I would just borrow.

[1:09:24] Other kids issues.

[1:09:25] And there was that.

[1:09:26] Ongoing Link.

[1:09:28] Comic strip.

[1:09:28] From Zelda.

[1:09:29] That.

[1:09:30] I never saw the beginning.

[1:09:31] And I never saw the end.

[1:09:32] And the chapters didn't always match up.

[1:09:34] Because I wasn't reading like every issue.

[1:09:36] Every issue.

[1:09:37] One after another.

[1:09:38] So did that story ever.

[1:09:39] Was that a coherent story?

[1:09:40] Do you guys know?

[1:09:41] That Legend of Zelda comic strip?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:43] Is that like.

[1:09:44] The Milo Minara comics.

[1:09:46] That would run in Penthouse.

[1:09:47] Where you're like.

[1:09:48] I don't follow this.

[1:09:49] Closely enough to know.

[1:09:50] Where this begins or ends.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:52] I mean.

[1:09:53] Kind of.

[1:09:54] In a way.

[1:09:54] I guess.

[1:09:54] I'm not familiar with those ones.

[1:09:56] But.

[1:09:56] It was like.

[1:09:58] I would pick up an issue.

[1:09:59] Nintendo Power from a friend.

[1:10:00] And I'd be like.

[1:10:00] I just want some cheat hints.

[1:10:02] Like.

[1:10:02] Just show me where the bad guys.

[1:10:03] Are waiting for me on this level.

[1:10:05] And then here's four pages.

[1:10:06] Of comic strip.

[1:10:07] Where Link is dealing with something.

[1:10:09] That I don't know what it is.

[1:10:10] And I just wondered.

[1:10:10] If that was.

[1:10:12] Always confusing.

[1:10:13] Or if people who were following the story.

[1:10:14] Were like.

[1:10:14] Ah yes.

[1:10:15] I know.

[1:10:15] Uh oh.

[1:10:16] This happened.

[1:10:17] So.

[1:10:17] I guess write in.

[1:10:18] If you remember those comic strips.

[1:10:19] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:21] I guess so.

[1:10:22] Call to action.

[1:10:23] This next letter.

[1:10:25] Is from Sebastian.

[1:10:26] Last name withheld.

[1:10:28] Who writes.

[1:10:28] The crab.

[1:10:29] Oh.

[1:10:29] Uh.

[1:10:30] I'm surprised he can type.

[1:10:32] Uh.

[1:10:33] This says.

[1:10:34] It seems like.

[1:10:35] Anyone who's anyone these days.

[1:10:36] Has an enemy.

[1:10:37] Democrats have Republicans.

[1:10:39] Cats have dogs.

[1:10:40] And even our own.

[1:10:41] Stuart Wellington.

[1:10:42] Counts the deadly and mysterious.

[1:10:44] Al Madrigal.

[1:10:45] A.K.

[1:10:45] A.

[1:10:46] Al Magical.

[1:10:47] Amongst his gallery of rogues.

[1:10:49] Elliot meanwhile.

[1:10:50] Has both.

[1:10:51] John.

[1:10:52] Sorry.

[1:10:52] Has both.

[1:10:53] John Hodgman.

[1:10:54] A.K.

[1:10:55] A.K.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:55] A.K.A.

[1:10:55] Judge Dredd.

[1:10:56] A.K.A.

[1:10:56] Boss Hodgman.

[1:10:57] As a nemesis.

[1:10:58] And even squares off against his brother.

[1:11:00] David Kalin.

[1:11:01] The antihero knuckles the.

[1:11:03] Oh.

[1:11:04] Fuck.

[1:11:04] I don't know how to say that word.

[1:11:05] To his Sonic the Hedgehog.

[1:11:07] But what about Dan?

[1:11:09] Although he is bedeviled and antagonized by his friends.

[1:11:12] He seems to lack any true villain to call his own.

[1:11:14] Floppers.

[1:11:15] Doesn't Dan need an enemy too?

[1:11:16] Someone to stand against to thwart and triumph over?

[1:11:19] How else is he going to get the babes if he can't throw off his Clark Kent glasses and

[1:11:22] become the Superman that exists in his heart?

[1:11:25] Keep on flopping in the free world, Sebastian.

[1:11:27] This raises a good point.

[1:11:29] What's that?

[1:11:30] Uh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:31] I don't know.

[1:11:32] Who's your villain?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:33] Yeah.

[1:11:33] Who's my villain?

[1:11:34] It's like a happy version of you who's like laid back and chill.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:38] I think you're the villain, Dan.

[1:11:40] I like I think you're the bad guy version of some some Dan who's got it all together and

[1:11:44] hasn't figured out.

[1:11:45] You're the goofus to his gallons in a way.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:48] So you're saying this is this is like the twist end of some like Twilight Zone episode

[1:11:53] where I realized that I was the bad one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:55] Yes, exactly.

[1:11:57] You realize you think there's a guy who's trying to destroy your life and you start to worry

[1:12:00] that your nightmares have come to life.

[1:12:01] But then it turns out you were the nightmare who came to life from this guy's life.

[1:12:05] And he's just trying to get rid of you because you've been hurting him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:08] It's like you're the bad guy from the dark half.

[1:12:12] But you you you killed you killed the other guy.

[1:12:15] Now you're still alive.

[1:12:16] I don't even remember that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:17] Everyone's the everyone's the hero of their own story.

[1:12:20] The bad guy from the dark half is the hero when he tells the tale.

[1:12:22] Yeah.

[1:12:22] Now, Dan, this is going to sound insulting, but I'm just going to say this.

[1:12:25] So I think Stuart and I both have very well-defined dynamic personality.

[1:12:31] OK, you're right.

[1:12:32] It does sound insulting.

[1:12:34] And that makes it easier to define what our opposite numbers would be.

[1:12:37] Yeah, wait for it.

[1:12:38] And he's going to compliment you.

[1:12:40] It's a little bit like saying, what's the enemy of oatmeal?

[1:12:43] Well, I don't know.

[1:12:45] Oatmeal is just oatmeal.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:46] I like to think of myself as having sort of a happy medium in my life where I sort of walk the middle path, as it were.

[1:12:55] Oh, I see.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:55] Interesting.

[1:12:56] OK.

[1:12:56] Between you're it's not it's neither you're neither a samurai walking the path of redemption, nor are you the jester walking the path of, I assume, pointing out the truth of humanity's hypocrisy by enacting his foolishness.

[1:13:11] Instead, you're that you're just like a farmer just doing whatever.

[1:13:14] OK.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:14] OK.

[1:13:15] I mean, again, he just paraphrased you 100 percent accurately.

[1:13:19] Right.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:19] Yeah, that's that was what I think.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:22] No, but Dan, tell me more about this middle path.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:24] No, no, no.

[1:13:24] Let's move on to the next letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:27] So, OK, listeners, write in.

[1:13:29] If you've got an enemy for Dan, write in and make it happen.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:33] I want I kind of want to have been a fly on the wall for Dan's thought process for what he's like.

[1:13:37] I'm going to read this letter.

[1:13:39] You think the guys are just going to compliment me the whole time?

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:44] Well, Dan, everyone loves him.

[1:13:45] That's why he doesn't have an enemy.

[1:13:48] I, you know, I didn't really get much past.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:50] Like, this is an amusing conceit.

[1:13:53] When I chose the letter, I didn't really, like, go to that next step where I realized what was going to occur.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:58] Dan, have you ever heard?

[1:14:00] Have you ever heard the theory that Sherlock Holmes kind of invented Moriarty to have somebody who could finally match wits with?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:06] Well, I mean, there's because I think I mean, like, that's kind of a Batman and Joker, too.

[1:14:11] Right.

[1:14:12] The idea that like the Joker wouldn't exist if Batman didn't wasn't there to oppose.

[1:14:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:17] So maybe it's time for you to bring your own enemy into creation.

[1:14:20] OK.

[1:14:20] Make it happen.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:22] Yeah.

[1:14:23] Because I need another thing in my life that is going to cause me trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:27] Well, maybe like.

[1:14:28] Now I worry that some fan is going to be like.

[1:14:30] Oh, sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:31] Were you going to say, Stuart?

[1:14:31] I was going to say, like, maybe having maybe having opposition would, like, push you to new heights of Dan-ness.

[1:14:38] OK.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:39] Well, now I'm worried that a listener is going to be like, oh, that's what that's what's missing from Dan's life is a villain.

[1:14:44] And so a villain I shall be.

[1:14:46] And he'll just start bedeviling you.

[1:14:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:48] That all of our energy directed toward getting people to join the MaxFun drive will instead.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:56] Hey, you know what?

[1:14:57] You know what, Dan?

[1:14:57] You know what would really be great for Dan's villain to do?

[1:15:00] Exactly.

[1:15:01] Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and make a pledge.

[1:15:04] It could be $10, $20, $35 a month.

[1:15:08] You get great gifts and you support Dan, which will make you have more to villainize later on.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:14] Well, we're going to get back into that in a second.

[1:15:16] But let's finish off this letter segment with someone who.

[1:15:20] With a bullet to the back of the head.

[1:15:22] Someone who withheld his name entirely or her name.

[1:15:26] I shouldn't assume.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:29] Or its name or their name.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:31] Yeah.

[1:15:31] Well, yeah, definitely.

[1:15:33] Their name.

[1:15:34] Yeah.

[1:15:36] So they write,

[1:15:39] When Wonder Woman was released, I took my mother to see it as a late Mother's Day present.

[1:15:44] Seeing someone who had been reading comics since the 50s finally see their favorite character brought to life on the big screen made the experience especially special.

[1:15:52] Have you ever had a particularly touching experience in sharing a movie with someone?

[1:15:56] A bonus question for Stuart.

[1:15:58] Which series is better, Halloween or Friday the 13th?

[1:16:01] And which series has the best single movie?

[1:16:03] Thanks for everything.

[1:16:04] Thanks for everything.

[1:16:05] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:08] I think this is going to sound.

[1:16:13] I may have talked about this before.

[1:16:14] This is going to sound lame because it's dad stuff.

[1:16:18] But I'm having that experience right now with.

[1:16:21] I've started watching the Marx Brothers movies with my son in order.

[1:16:24] So we haven't gotten super far.

[1:16:26] We're in Monkey Business right now, which I think is just their third movie.

[1:16:30] But seeing the way he reacts to it without me saying, like, here's the funny part.

[1:16:36] Just how naturally he finds the Chico and Harpo stuff especially funny is very meaningful to me and very moving.

[1:16:43] And, like, now the game he wants to play all the time is, okay, I'm Harpo, you're Chico.

[1:16:48] Or I'm Harpo, you're Lucy.

[1:16:50] And we're doing the mirror bit because I showed him the Harpo-Lucy mirror routine from – it was either the Lucy show or I Love Lucy, I forget which.

[1:16:57] And, like, just being able to share that with him and seeing, like, okay, this is something that's going to be special for him in the future the way it was special to me is – that's that kind of meaningful experience.

[1:17:10] Yeah.

[1:17:10] I like it a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:13] I'm sort of racking my brain.

[1:17:15] I don't know that I've shared a movie in the way of, like, being like, you've got to see this movie that I love and then had a meaningful experience about it.

[1:17:24] I will say that – I mean, this is obviously a little bittersweet seeing as my wife and I are not together anymore.

[1:17:32] But I still treasure it and, you know, like, I treasure the relationship we had.

[1:17:38] We early on watched Rushmore together and that was sort of our movie in the way that people have songs.

[1:17:45] Like, it was a very – like, it was an early kind of quote-unquote date.

[1:17:50] I mean, we met in college, so you don't really date in college, but it was kind of when we –

[1:17:55] Says you.

[1:17:56] It was kind of when we first got together.

[1:17:58] And so Rushmore holds a special place in my heart, although, again, it's kind of a bittersweet place now.

[1:18:04] I have a harder time watching it than I did before, but it's still meaningful to me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:10] It's not that hard.

[1:18:11] Just put it in your DVD player and play, buddy.

[1:18:13] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:13] Okay.

[1:18:13] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:14] It works.

[1:18:14] Maybe you need a new DVD player.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:18] I mean, yeah.

[1:18:19] I'll look into that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:20] Something I didn't even think about until you started talking about yours, Dan, is that my experience with my son is – it reminds me of the first time I ever saw any Preston Sturgis movies, which is when my grandmother took me to Film Forum for the first time when I was probably 12 or 13.

[1:18:37] And I had never been there, and that eventually became where I spent, like, most of my time when I was in college.

[1:18:43] But I had never seen Preston Sturgis movies before, and we saw Unfaithfully Yours and Miracle of Morgan's Creek, and it really blew me away, especially Miracle of Morgan's Creek.

[1:18:51] And so it's like I'm doing it with my son, but my grandma did it with me.

[1:18:54] Yeah, that is.

[1:18:54] So it's like, you know, a family thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:56] That didn't occur to me.

[1:18:56] Like, it doesn't have to be me sharing something.

[1:18:58] It can be something shared to me.

[1:19:00] And I think that I also had that experience, weirdly enough, with the Marx Brothers, where my parents showed me animal crackers early on in my life, and I was just blown away.

[1:19:09] And I'm like, this is the greatest.

[1:19:11] And, you know, it was something that they, you know, had already experienced.

[1:19:15] I mean, like, they would have been extremely young.

[1:19:19] I mean, like, they weren't there for the first time around.

[1:19:21] I remember my mother told me that her father took her to see Love Happy, which was the last Marx Brothers movie, and not a good one at all.

[1:19:30] So they weren't there for the good ones, but, you know, it would have been something that they knew from growing up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:37] Yeah, I mean, I can't think of a single time when I shared something with someone and they particularly enjoyed it.

[1:19:48] I'm like, wow, what does that say about my taste?

[1:19:54] You're like, hey, wife, you want to watch Anthrophagus?

[1:19:58] And she's like, no, I don't want to watch that.

[1:20:01] And so, but there was a time, I mean, a few years ago, my wife got me to watch Dirty Dancing, a movie I'd never seen.

[1:20:10] And I fucking loved it.

[1:20:12] And then I ended up buying tickets for us to go to the, there's like a special screening at the Draft House.

[1:20:19] Like, I love that movie.

[1:20:20] It's great.

[1:20:21] So that was really cool because that was a movie she grew up with and had a connection to.

[1:20:25] And I get it.

[1:20:26] It's awesome.

[1:20:27] And as for your other question, Friday the 13th beats Halloween.

[1:20:33] Friday the 13th has the best movies.

[1:20:34] Friday the 13th part six and seven are great.

[1:20:39] Part four is amazing.

[1:20:41] Halloween has one good one called Halloween part three.

[1:20:45] Season of the witch, dude.

[1:20:48] All the other ones are fucking trash.

[1:20:51] Oh, you're so crazy.

[1:20:52] But that's fine.

[1:20:53] I'm crazy for Jason, baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:56] There was a time when I think Halloween three was seen as the like outsider.

[1:21:00] Yeah.

[1:21:00] Like that was the one that people set aside and were like, that's not really a Halloween movie.

[1:21:04] And I feel like like opinion of it has turned around so much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:08] Yeah.

[1:21:08] Cause it's super dope.

[1:21:10] Yeah.

[1:21:11] And it's got one of the single most horrifying scenes I've ever seen in a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:16] Um, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:17] Which one is that?

[1:21:18] When the little kid with the mask on his head, his head like rots and maggots and shit pour out.

[1:21:22] It's so gross.

[1:21:22] Like a little kid.

[1:21:23] That's pretty gross.

[1:21:24] That's pretty gross.

[1:21:26] Like it's a movie that kills a little kid.

[1:21:28] That's insane.

[1:21:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:30] Uh, you didn't ask me, but I'm a Halloween partisan anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:33] Okay.

[1:21:33] Well, Dan's wrong.

[1:21:34] So what's next?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:35] Uh, what's next is we should talk a little bit more about the max fund drive.

[1:21:38] Please don't fast forward.

[1:21:39] Cause this is important.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:41] Um, their, their thumb is now hovering over the 15 second skip button.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:46] Yeah.

[1:21:46] Just like make it worth my while.

[1:21:48] Prove it to me.

[1:21:49] So let's say right off the bat again, don't forget that URL maximum fund.org slash donate.

[1:21:54] You should be going there now if you didn't already.

[1:21:56] Go there.

[1:21:57] And that's how important it is to us that you show your support because it means a lot

[1:22:03] to us both in terms of money, which we need to live because we live in a capitalist society

[1:22:07] that's based around artificial scarcity.

[1:22:10] Uh, which is let's set aside for the moment.

[1:22:13] Also because there's something that it's like, there is something that feels really good about

[1:22:19] getting our pledge amounts in.

[1:22:21] And it's like, Oh, like people really care enough about what we're doing to literally put their

[1:22:25] money where their ears.

[1:22:27] Pod is where their ears are.

[1:22:29] But like, it's a, it's a reminder, not just like, Oh, this is great.

[1:22:33] Like we can, we can feed ourselves, but also, Oh, people really like what we're doing enough

[1:22:38] to support it for real.

[1:22:40] And it gives us that much more kind of strength and enthusiasm and energy to do it because

[1:22:45] we know we're not hurling our words out into the void, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:49] So it means a lot to us on an emotional level too.

[1:22:51] And you'll feel good because you'll know that you're supporting, uh, something that you enjoy

[1:22:56] rather than, I don't know, just freeloading off of it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:59] And it also, I mean, one of the things that I like is that, uh, a little bit of the donation

[1:23:04] money goes to, uh, the MaxFun network and MaxFun has been making a lot of effort to bring

[1:23:11] new content and bring new shows and especially a wide variety of shows.

[1:23:16] Yeah.

[1:23:16] And especially put effort into bringing shows that aren't just a couple of three lunkheads

[1:23:20] like us talking about movies.

[1:23:22] Uh, sometimes it's two lunkheads talking about something else.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:25] Yeah.

[1:23:26] Uh, we should talk.

[1:23:28] And, uh, and look, look, look, if you're new, if you've never pledged before, now's a

[1:23:33] good time.

[1:23:34] If you're already pledged, why not upgrade?

[1:23:36] There's a goal network wide of 25,000 new or upgrading members.

[1:23:40] That's a huge amount.

[1:23:41] That sounds crazy, but you know what?

[1:23:43] They had a crazy goal last time and they exceeded it.

[1:23:46] And as a result, Stuart, aren't you going to the Grand Canyon or something?

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:49] Yeah.

[1:23:49] I mean, very, very possibly this will be the last episode of the flop house featuring

[1:23:53] Stuart.

[1:23:54] Cause there's a chance I will fall into the Grand Canyon and die.

[1:23:59] Um, to be torn apart by rabid donkeys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:03] Yeah.

[1:24:03] We, yeah, that's what lives there.

[1:24:04] That's the horror movie.

[1:24:05] Stuart's pitching.

[1:24:06] It's called Damned Canyon.

[1:24:08] Oh, cool.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:09] I'm going to, uh, I'm going to mention the bonus gifts one more time.

[1:24:12] Uh, I won't get into the great detail cause we already said it, but, uh, for $10 or for

[1:24:17] $5 per month, you get all that exclusive bonus content, uh, extra episodes for $10 a month.

[1:24:23] You get, uh, the exclusive enamel pen designed by Megan Lynn Cott.

[1:24:29] Uh, that's a great Nicholas Cage design for $20 per month.

[1:24:32] You can get that Max von family cookbook and learn Elliot's, uh, vegetable roasting secrets.

[1:24:38] Uh, for 30.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:39] It also revealed the secret in it of what I do when my family's out of town and I'm by

[1:24:44] myself for the night.

[1:24:45] Uh, masturbate.

[1:24:47] That's in the book.

[1:24:48] Uh, that's not in the book.

[1:24:49] It's implied, I guess, uh, that I basically that I'll just roast a whole pan of broccoli

[1:24:54] and that'll be my dinner.

[1:24:55] And then I'll watch like an Eastern European movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:58] Uh, for $35 per month, you get that, uh, juice carafe.

[1:25:02] That's, uh, engraved with the Max von logo.

[1:25:03] And there's a bunch of other higher levels with, with even, uh, more gifts.

[1:25:09] But, uh, we know that a lot of you don't have, uh, you aren't like rich tycoons.

[1:25:14] So, uh, you can look into those gifts at the donate page and see what you can get if you,

[1:25:18] uh, pay a little bit more.

[1:25:20] If you're one of those rich tycoon listeners.

[1:25:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:22] Those oil tycoon.

[1:25:23] Then please.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:24] So what you're going to do, you're going to go to that maximumfund.org slash donate.

[1:25:28] You're going to see your membership levels grid and choose how much you want to contribute

[1:25:31] per month.

[1:25:32] And then you'll give them your credit card information and select which show you want

[1:25:36] the money to go to.

[1:25:37] And, you know, then it just automatically every month, your pledge will go through.

[1:25:41] And until you decide that, uh, you have had enough time in this form and it's time for

[1:25:47] you to childhoods end it up into space to join the spirits, uh, among the, uh, lunar landscape

[1:25:53] on the next level of evolution.

[1:25:54] But that's not going to happen for a while.

[1:25:56] Probably.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:57] I want to make it clear.

[1:25:58] Elliot said, which show you want the money to go to.

[1:26:00] You can pick multiple shows.

[1:26:01] So you don't have to have like a Sophie's choice between us and I don't know the adventure

[1:26:06] zone or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:07] Uh, or like switchblade sisters.

[1:26:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:10] Something, something equally or maybe better good.

[1:26:14] I said better good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:16] Uh, yeah.

[1:26:17] Better good.

[1:26:18] Oh, and the most redundant phrase in the English language, better good.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:22] It's, uh, so, and your, uh, your membership contribution processes automatically.

[1:26:28] You don't have, you can do it one time.

[1:26:29] You don't have to worry about it ever again.

[1:26:31] Uh, and you won't even, you won't even feel it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:35] You won't even feel it.

[1:26:37] It's like, and you'll, you'll, except the only thing you'll feel is you'll feel the joy

[1:26:41] of knowing every time you listen to the episode, you'll be like, I'm part of the people supporting

[1:26:45] it.

[1:26:45] Like, I think I may have told the story on the podcast before when I found out that the Chinese

[1:26:50] movie devils on the doorstep made $20,000 in its theatrical run in the United States, which

[1:26:57] meant that probably less than, you know, less than 2000 people went to see it probably.

[1:27:01] And I was like, I remember seeing that movie in the theater.

[1:27:04] I'm part of that, like select group of Americans that went to see that movie in the theater.

[1:27:09] And it makes me feel like I'm special.

[1:27:10] So you'll be able to feel special every episode by being like, I'm one of the people who's really

[1:27:14] making this possible.

[1:27:15] This is, I own a little piece of this.

[1:27:16] Now you don't really own a piece of it legally.

[1:27:19] Like that's, don't sue us for that ownership stake, but you own a little piece of its heart,

[1:27:25] I guess.

[1:27:26] Don't sue us for the heart either.

[1:27:28] Yeah.

[1:27:28] No, no.

[1:27:29] We need that to keep beating our movie blood into our video veins.

[1:27:33] Yeah.

[1:27:33] The new flesh.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:34] So why don't, why not go to maximumfund.org slash donate right now while you're thinking

[1:27:40] about it and put in that monthly membership donation.

[1:27:47] So now.

[1:27:48] What do we do?

[1:27:49] Let's recommend a few movies.

[1:27:51] I mean, we liked Kidnap.

[1:27:52] So.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:52] We recommended books.

[1:27:53] We recommended Kidnap.

[1:27:54] Yeah.

[1:27:55] We recommended being a member of the Max Fund.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:58] Yeah.

[1:27:58] But let's recommend just a little bit more.

[1:28:01] Okay.

[1:28:01] Movies that we saw maybe recently, maybe not so recently.

[1:28:04] I don't know.

[1:28:04] I don't know how you live your life that you like.

[1:28:08] Sure.

[1:28:09] I'll go first since no one else is talking.

[1:28:11] I watched.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:14] Yeah.

[1:28:14] Sorry for being polite, Dan.

[1:28:16] You're right.

[1:28:16] I'll just rush and interrupt you again because I know you love that so much.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:21] I saw a movie I enjoyed very much recently called Thoroughbreds.

[1:28:28] Uh-huh.

[1:28:28] And this is the.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:30] Oh, that's the one about Henry David Thoreau's bakery?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:34] Mm-hmm.

[1:28:34] Yes.

[1:28:35] Mm-hmm.

[1:28:35] That sounds like a thrilling idea for a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:38] I mean, the math works.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:39] Yeah, that works.

[1:28:40] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:41] No, it's a movie about two young, wealthy.

[1:28:47] Oh, now I know why Dan liked it.

[1:28:49] Ladies.

[1:28:51] Two prep school girls.

[1:28:54] Oh.

[1:28:55] One played by Anna Taylor-Joy.

[1:28:58] From The Witch.

[1:28:59] The Witch.

[1:29:00] The other one played by, I can't remember her name.

[1:29:03] I think it's Olivia Cooke.

[1:29:04] Yes, it is Olivia Cooke.

[1:29:06] Who is going to be.

[1:29:08] I don't know her from other work.

[1:29:10] From Madam.

[1:29:11] She's going to be in the upcoming Ready Player One.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:14] What?

[1:29:14] You don't know her from Madam.

[1:29:16] Yeah.

[1:29:17] I'm glad that we're getting all the interruptions in now.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:22] But both actors are fantastic in this movie.

[1:29:27] They're both terrific.

[1:29:28] The film, I'll just give a little bit of the setup.

[1:29:31] I don't want to spoil things.

[1:29:33] It is about these two girls who, one of whom Olivia Cooke's character recently slaughtered her horse.

[1:29:44] Put her own horse down.

[1:29:45] And so she's looked upon as kind of a crazy person.

[1:29:48] And she reveals that she does not feel emotions the way other people feel emotions.

[1:29:55] And Anna Taylor-Joy's character is sort of emotionally pent up, even though she does kind of have raging emotions beneath things.

[1:30:05] And they form this kind of unhealthy bond where they reinforce the negative aspects of each other's character, which leads to violence eventually.

[1:30:14] And Anton Yelchin is also in this movie.

[1:30:16] It might be his last film.

[1:30:18] I'm not sure if there's something else that's going to be released afterwards.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:20] Well, he's not making any more, Dan, sadly to say.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:22] I know.

[1:30:23] I just don't know whether it's the last movie released.

[1:30:24] I think I read that.

[1:30:26] He's terrific in it.

[1:30:29] It has been compared to Heather's.

[1:30:31] It's not quite as expansive or satirical as Heather's.

[1:30:35] It started out as a stage play.

[1:30:38] That was originally how the guy thought he would write it.

[1:30:40] And he realized he was making a movie instead.

[1:30:42] But it still has some of that flavor of a play.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:45] That's how Kidnap originally was made, too.

[1:30:47] Oh, yeah.

[1:30:49] Originally, I think it was a stage play.

[1:30:50] And then he was like, how am I going to do this car chase on the stage?

[1:30:52] I'm making a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:53] It'll be a real coup de tatra that they can do that.

[1:30:59] But I just liked it a lot.

[1:31:01] And it's kind of an ice cold character study slash sort of a thriller, but not really.

[1:31:09] It's very good.

[1:31:10] Thoroughbreds.

[1:31:12] In theaters now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:14] Or at least when we record the episode.

[1:31:18] So, guys, I just came back from a rather stressful trip to Florida

[1:31:22] to visit with my folks.

[1:31:24] Okay.

[1:31:25] And the conversations weren't super great and whatever.

[1:31:31] But after that bit of fucking fun, I got on the plane and ordered a double scotch

[1:31:39] and watched Good Time, which was a...

[1:31:44] Great choice if you're feeling stressed.

[1:31:46] Yeah.

[1:31:46] Well, I'd already downloaded it onto my iPad, so I'm like, fuck it.

[1:31:50] Let's just lean into it.

[1:31:51] Yeah.

[1:31:51] And Good Time is a crime thriller that came out last year starring Twilight Hunk, Robert Pattison.

[1:31:59] And it is a story about a ex-con.

[1:32:04] At least I think he's an ex-con out on parole who drags his mentally challenged brother into

[1:32:12] a bank heist with him.

[1:32:13] And, of course, everything almost immediately goes wrong.

[1:32:18] And it's a...

[1:32:19] And the whole movie takes place over one night.

[1:32:22] And the camera is always tight on people.

[1:32:25] And it just...

[1:32:26] It's like a white-knuckle two-hour panic attack.

[1:32:30] And it's great.

[1:32:31] Robert Pattison has a great Queen's accent.

[1:32:37] It has a twist in it that I was totally blown away by.

[1:32:42] And there is a joke...

[1:32:43] I don't even remember that.

[1:32:45] There is a joke later in the movie where he's trying to convince this woman that he is dragged

[1:32:54] into this...

[1:32:55] Into his conspiracy or whatever.

[1:32:58] One of his conspirators, he's dragged her into this thing.

[1:33:01] And he's having this conversation with her.

[1:33:03] And there's a joke in it that is possibly the funniest thing I saw in a movie last year.

[1:33:09] It's...

[1:33:09] Yeah.

[1:33:10] It's...

[1:33:10] It's really great.

[1:33:12] And very intense.

[1:33:14] So, watch it.

[1:33:16] Huh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:17] I want to see that.

[1:33:19] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:33:21] So, lately, I've been trying to go back and watch the movies that came out when I was a

[1:33:25] kid, but I never actually saw because they were grown-up movies and, you know, I wasn't

[1:33:31] old enough at the time.

[1:33:32] And I recently watched...

[1:33:33] Speaking of...

[1:33:34] Dan's got a movie about two women.

[1:33:36] And this was a movie about a woman in a car and there's police involved.

[1:33:41] A movie I watched recently that I'd never seen and I ended up really liking a lot was

[1:33:44] Thelma and Louise with Gina Davis and Susan Sarandon and a ton of other big-name people.

[1:33:51] And it's like I had never seen it and all I knew about it was basically how it ended for

[1:33:56] the most part.

[1:33:58] And it really worked for me on a lot, a lot of levels.

[1:34:01] And they did such a good job of, like, getting me into the headspace of these two characters

[1:34:07] and, like, showing how they were already living lives that were... where most of their options

[1:34:11] were cut off.

[1:34:11] And then watching them have one option after another cut off from them and how both tragic

[1:34:17] and how liberating that was for them.

[1:34:18] And I thought it was really, really good.

[1:34:20] And I can't...

[1:34:21] Like, now I wish I could go back to 1991 and watch it then because it must have really,

[1:34:25] like, messed with people's heads and blew their minds.

[1:34:29] And anyway...

[1:34:30] Well, I know...

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:30] I know when it came out, there was a...

[1:34:33] There was an attitude among a lot of folks that were like, things are going to change.

[1:34:37] And that makes it a little more tragic because you know things don't change for a while.

[1:34:42] Things didn't change.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:43] But you can see, like, uh...

[1:34:45] But it's like, that's a...

[1:34:47] Something that I've been thinking about a lot with in terms of fiction films is they make

[1:34:52] an impact and they don't...

[1:34:55] Really...

[1:34:55] The impact is narrow but deep in a way.

[1:34:58] Yeah.

[1:34:58] And that it's like...

[1:35:00] That movie, I'm sure, planted a seed or, like, a landmine in a lot of people's heads

[1:35:04] that it took a long time to germinate and go off.

[1:35:07] But it helped...

[1:35:08] It helped prepare the landscape in a way.

[1:35:11] I get it.

[1:35:11] But it came out of time...

[1:35:12] I get it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:13] It's like when a death metal band releases a single album in the 90s.

[1:35:17] But now all the bands are totally copying their style in, you know, 2017.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:23] Yeah, kind of.

[1:35:25] I mean, in a way that...

[1:35:26] It's also in a way that, like, a band will be kind of a cult band in the 80s.

[1:35:31] And then their listenership will grow over time as that album gets passed around.

[1:35:37] And then by the...

[1:35:38] Like, I'm thinking of a band like Overkill in the 80s and 90s was, like, not a band that

[1:35:43] would get its albums on the charts.

[1:35:45] But the last couple albums they've released, their listenership has been growing for 30

[1:35:49] years.

[1:35:49] So, like, now when they release an album, it's not high on the charts, but it appears

[1:35:52] on the charts.

[1:35:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:35:53] But, uh, and Overkill as a band is kind of exactly the opposite of Thelma and Louise

[1:35:57] as a movie in terms of what it stands for.

[1:36:01] But, uh...

[1:36:02] But anyway, but I just thought it was one of these movies that I only kind of...

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:05] Are you saying that Thelma and Louise isn't about how awesome and tough New Jersey is?

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:09] Yeah, I'm saying exactly that.

[1:36:11] Uh, but it's a movie that, like, uh, I knew it more from its reputation and being a controversial

[1:36:16] movie than from the movie itself.

[1:36:17] And the movie is really good, and it makes me be like, oh, Ridley Scott, you should be

[1:36:21] doing more movies like this nowadays and less movies like...

[1:36:24] I don't know, as much as I like Prometheus, like, we've got a lot of Prometheus stuff out

[1:36:28] there.

[1:36:28] So, like, maybe make more movies about people and less about monsters.

[1:36:32] I don't...

[1:36:33] You know what?

[1:36:33] I don't believe that.

[1:36:34] I like monster movies, too.

[1:36:35] No, but I mean, like, I...

Dan McCoy

[1:36:37] I mean, obviously, the best stuff he did...

[1:36:41] The best thing he did probably was Alien, and, like, that's a big science fiction monster

[1:36:45] thing.

[1:36:46] But in, like, recent years, uh, and recent, I guess, it goes back to Thelma and Louise,

[1:36:52] which is not recent at all.

[1:36:54] But, like, I don't know.

[1:36:55] I have enjoyed it more when he does a little more small-scale stuff.

[1:36:59] I don't...

[1:36:59] It's not a movie that, like, has, like, a lot of love behind it, but I enjoyed Matchstick

[1:37:04] Men, uh, which was a small, like, little, like, con movie, uh, and it was more of a character

[1:37:11] study, like, fun little, like, you know, just about people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:16] That's the one with Nicolas Cage in it, right?

[1:37:17] Yeah.

[1:37:18] Yeah, and Sam Rockwell, right?

[1:37:20] I think so.

[1:37:21] Yeah, that's why you like it, because it's got those guys.

[1:37:23] Yeah, they're great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:25] Uh, anyway, speaking of the movie I was recommending, uh, yeah, everyone's really great in it, uh,

[1:37:31] and the, yeah, Susan Saran and Geena Davis just do a fantastic job in it, and in a weird

[1:37:36] way that, like, they, my, their relationship reminded me so much of the relationship my

[1:37:41] mom has with these two specific friends.

[1:37:44] My mom has never gone on a robbery and, like, shooting spree.

[1:37:49] That you know of.

[1:37:51] That I know of, but just, like, the way that, the way that they interact as two women who

[1:37:56] are friends but are different types of women felt very real to me in the, in the way they

[1:38:00] were performing and the way it was written.

[1:38:02] And I could see, like, oh, I can see my mom's relationship with her best friends in this.

[1:38:06] And, like, it made me think about that relationship in a way that I hadn't before.

[1:38:09] So it was really, it was just, like, a really good movie that affected me more than I expected

[1:38:13] it to.

[1:38:14] Because I remember it being a movie that made a big splash in 1991, and then people

[1:38:18] haven't, I don't hear much about it since then.

[1:38:21] And I wish people talked about it more.

[1:38:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:24] Well, Stuart, we should, uh, let Elliot change out of his robe and start his day.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:29] But thanks for pulling back the curve.

[1:38:31] Look, we record this at a, there's a three hour time difference.

[1:38:34] Yeah.

[1:38:34] It's three hours earlier where I am.

[1:38:36] Yeah.

[1:38:36] On a Sunday.

[1:38:37] So maybe I don't have time to, like, shower and get dressed and put a suit on.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:41] I've definitely, like, it's much later.

[1:38:44] Stuart here, and I've definitely greeted Stuart in my home wearing my pajama pants before.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:48] So I took that as an invitation to put on my pajamas.

[1:38:52] You should.

[1:38:52] Which is just my underpants.

[1:38:54] Yeah.

[1:38:55] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:56] We've seen that before.

[1:38:57] You've definitely podcasted in your underwear.

[1:38:59] Yeah, too many times.

[1:39:01] That's just a little.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:02] And once in that tiny bathing suit.

[1:39:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:04] Just once in a tiny bathing suit?

[1:39:06] Oh, doing the podcast.

[1:39:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:08] Doing the podcast.

[1:39:09] Yes.

[1:39:09] The one time that you left the table for a little bit and then came back wearing a tiny bathing

[1:39:13] suit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:14] Oh, man.

[1:39:15] I'm classic.

[1:39:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:17] Yeah.

[1:39:17] Classics, too.

[1:39:18] So, guys, it's been great visiting with you, me and my bathrobe, you guys in your clothes

[1:39:23] or pajamas, as it happens to be.

[1:39:25] Yeah.

[1:39:25] And do we have any last parting words for the audience before we leave them to go to maximumfund.org

[1:39:31] slash donate?

Dan McCoy

[1:39:31] I think you took the words right out of my mouth, Elliot.

[1:39:35] Oh.

[1:39:36] Yeah.

[1:39:36] Give me my words back.

[1:39:39] Never.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:41] You've got my words.

[1:39:42] And I've got a special set of skills.

[1:39:44] Word skills.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:45] Yeah.

[1:39:45] Dan's going to need you to baby bird those words back into his mouth.

[1:39:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:49] Guys, how long do you think until someone tries to pitch a thriller movie based on words

[1:39:53] with friends?

Dan McCoy

[1:39:54] I think a very long time, Elliot.

[1:39:58] I don't.

[1:39:58] I mean, like, unless you've got a really killer idea that you want to pitch us, but I don't.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:02] No, that was it.

[1:40:03] That was the full idea.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:04] Like, here's the thing people do.

[1:40:05] Let's do like a thriller based on it.

[1:40:07] Okay. So, Ian, MaximumFun.org

[1:40:10] slash donate to support all the podcasts you love.

[1:40:16] And we should sign off now for The Flophouse.

[1:40:19] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:40:20] Hey, guys. I'm still Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:23] In my bathrobe, I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:40:25] See ya.

[1:40:26] Bye.

[1:40:37] Let's keep with Skype this time around,

Dan McCoy

[1:40:43] and maybe we can try FaceTime as an experiment next time.

[1:40:47] Okay. Try it as a spearmint, you guys.

[1:40:49] As a spearmint.

[1:40:50] Well, I'm Jeffy from Family Circus.

[1:40:54] That actually explains a lot.

[1:40:58] Yeah, it explains why I have dotted lines behind me wherever I go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:02] That's little Billy.

[1:41:03] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:04] Piece of shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:06] Get your family circus right, asshole.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:09] All right. Well, I think we have our aspects for the end of the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:13] It's like those two ghosts.

[1:41:14] It wasn't me, and I have no idea.

[1:41:17] Dan, you know they're not me and I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:22] MaximumFun.org

[1:41:23] Comedy and culture.

[1:41:24] Artist owned.

[1:41:25] Listener supported.

Ep. #254 - Kidnap

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