Ep. #255 - The Layover

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the layover.

[0:03] I have no jokes about the layover, much like the movie The Layover.

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:37] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:45] And I just want to say real quick, if we're not at our tippy-top-top energy today,

[0:50] it's because Stuart just flew back from a red eye from the Grand Canyon doing a show for Max Fun.

[0:57] Yesterday, I was out marching for our children's lives.

[1:00] And Dan, I'm sure you were doing something also as important yesterday.

Dan McCoy

[1:03] I went to Matt Coff's birthday party at a bowling alley.

[1:08] Does that count for anything?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] Nope. Okay. Let's just move on. Sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:13] My one arm is kind of tired.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] I thought we'd hit our listeners with a trifecta of stories of exciting activism or creative risk like Stuart took.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25] And guys, out of respect for everybody marching yesterday, I'm going to not say the joke about Dan's arm being tired,

[1:34] not from bowling, but from jacking off.

Dan McCoy

[1:37] Thank you for the respect that you've shown.

[1:39] Very respectful.

[1:41] Hey, guys.

[1:42] Before we get started, I just want to say this is our second Max Fun Drive episode.

[1:48] What's the Max Fun Drive, Dan?

[1:50] Max Fun Drive is the time once a year when we come to you, hat in hand, to ask for a little cash to help keep our shows running.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59] A lot of cash. It's a big hat.

[2:01] It's a big hat and it takes a lot of cash to fill it.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:03] Max Fun is listener supported in the same way that, say, you know, National Public Radio or PBS is largely listener supported.

[2:10] And it's your gifts of money that help us give you the, I don't know, the entertainment you crave, I guess.

[2:20] I mean, don't oversell it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] Think of this podcast like a living organism and the money they give us is the food that keeps it alive.

[2:28] Yeah.

[2:29] See, Elliot has clearly just recently watched Annihilation.

[2:34] I did see it yesterday.

[2:36] Guys, I had a packed day yesterday.

[2:39] I drove some people to the airport.

[2:40] My family, they're out of town for a couple days.

[2:42] Then I went and marched in an anti-gun march.

[2:44] Then I went to see Annihilation.

[2:45] Then I visited a friend of mine.

[2:47] I had like a weekend's worth of activities in one day.

[2:50] Am I tired?

[2:50] You bet.

[2:51] But I'm still here to tell you about Max Fun Drive and how important it is and how necessary it is.

[2:55] Which leads me to say, Dan, you tell them.

Dan McCoy

[2:57] I think I already have.

[2:59] I will make it the Max Fun Drive technically ended yesterday, but I have it assured from the Max Fun headquarters that if you donate this weekend, it still counts to the drive.

[3:10] Oh, cool.

[3:12] So we're still here telling you about it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:15] And I think we may have made some promises over social media over the last two weeks during the Max Fun Drive.

[3:23] And we may or may not have hit those goals.

[3:26] And if we did, hooray.

[3:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] And if we didn't, well, let's keep trying.

[3:32] This weekend still counts.

[3:33] Dan, to donate, am I correct in saying that people should go to MaximumFun.org slash donate?

[3:39] That's correct.

[3:40] You got it, buddy.

[3:42] And maybe later in the episode, we'll tell you even more about the amazing bonus content and gifts that you get for your varying levels of donation at MaximumFun.org slash donate for the Max Fun Pledge Drive now winding down, hopefully after shattering all previous records.

Dan McCoy

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:57] Now, what do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

[3:59] Okay.

[4:00] Well, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:03] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] But we also, we also on this podcast promote the Max Fun Drive and shame Dan about his weekend.

[4:09] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[4:10] Look, just because I'm not living your rich, full life doesn't mean that I'm not a person of value.

Elliott Kalan

[4:17] No, Dan, actually, the fact that you went to a party and went bowling was actually, I thought you were going to say you stayed at home and like reorganized your DVDs or something.

[4:24] So I'm impressed.

[4:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] I mean, I have found enough time in my life to try and rewatch all of the Marvel movies in anticipation of Infinity War.

Stuart Wellington

[4:34] I'm glad that you put try and rewatch.

[4:37] Yeah.

[4:38] Like, oh, I might not make it.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:41] Well, my eyeballs might be too tired.

Dan McCoy

[4:44] Who knows what, you know, lies ahead.

[4:48] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[4:49] My eyes are like, it's too much, too much blue glowy stuff.

[4:52] I can't handle any more blue glowy.

Dan McCoy

[4:54] And you're like, just push through the wall, push through it.

[4:56] You can get there.

[4:57] Mm-hmm.

[4:58] Yeah.

[4:58] So I've been doing really worthwhile things with my time.

Stuart Wellington

[5:03] See, in addition to doing a full rewatch of the Marvel movies, which I think I'm about as far as you are, Dan, I'm also doing a full reread of a 14 book science fiction series.

[5:15] Okay.

[5:16] What series is that?

[5:17] It's the Gaunt's Ghost novels by Dan Abnett.

[5:20] Oh.

[5:21] Okay.

[5:22] You know, comic book writer, novelist, man about town, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[5:28] He's one of the two writers you can thank for making the comics that the Guardians of the Galaxy movies were essentially taken from whole cloth.

[5:39] Yeah.

[5:40] Hmm.

[5:41] Interesting.

[5:42] Interesting facts.

[5:43] The run that he wrote with Andy Lanning.

[5:44] Yeah.

[5:44] Now, Dan, but you said we watch a movie on this podcast and then we talk about it, right?

Dan McCoy

[5:50] And in this case, we watched a movie called The Layover, which we found out is not William H. Macy's directorial debut.

[5:58] But it might as well be.

[5:59] But it's his second film.

[6:01] It's his sophomore effort.

[6:02] I mean, I have to assume it was his dream project.

[6:05] This is his.

[6:06] It was the one that he's been trying to get made for years.

[6:08] This is his.

Stuart Wellington

[6:08] And he cashed all his chips.

[6:09] This is his Rushmore.

[6:11] This is his Boogie Nights.

[6:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:14] This is his Star Wars.

[6:16] Mm-hmm.

[6:17] This is his.

[6:20] Go on.

[6:21] Jaws.

[6:22] Jaws.

[6:23] His.

[6:25] Now, would you call Jaws Steven Spielberg's second movie?

Dan McCoy

[6:27] Well, I mean, it depends on whether you count Duel, I suppose.

Elliott Kalan

[6:31] And what about.

[6:32] Where does Sugar Land Express fall with that?

Dan McCoy

[6:34] Was that before Jaws?

[6:36] That was before Jaws, I believe.

[6:38] I do believe.

[6:39] It's true.

[6:40] So it really does.

[6:41] Everything is happening at the zoo.

Elliott Kalan

[6:43] So now the layover, this is not the TV show that Anthony Bourdain hosts sometimes, right?

[6:49] No.

[6:49] This is.

[6:49] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[6:51] I thought that's what I was supposed to watch on the plane.

[6:54] Oh, shit.

[6:55] Uh-oh.

[6:56] Guys, listeners, I'm just fucking around.

[6:58] I actually did my homework this time.

[7:01] I know you were worried.

Elliott Kalan

[7:02] Should we talk about what the movie is?

[7:05] Yes, probably.

[7:06] Yeah, let's talk about the movie.

[7:06] This movie is kind of like an old-fashioned sex comedy, except without the comedy and with

[7:11] very little sex.

[7:12] And it's about two feisty ladies who are feuding over the same guy.

[7:17] Dan, you've been in that situation many times.

[7:19] What's that like?

[7:20] Where I've feuded over the same guy with another feisty lady?

Dan McCoy

[7:23] Yeah.

[7:24] Yeah.

[7:24] You got it.

[7:26] Well, you know, sometimes you just got to go with your heart and do what you got to do

[7:30] to make your, you know, your love life what it's got to be.

Stuart Wellington

[7:32] Step out of your comfort zone.

[7:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:35] That's what this movie is all about.

Elliott Kalan

[7:38] Okay.

[7:39] Actually, let's tell you what this movie really is all about.

[7:41] Okay.

[7:41] So, the layover begins.

[7:44] We open with our heroine, Alexander Daddario, who you may remember from, like, what?

[7:51] Who Detective?

[7:52] San Andreas?

Dan McCoy

[7:53] And the, like, Percy Jackson movies.

[7:55] Yeah.

[7:56] She and those?

[7:57] I'm sure we all remember her from the Percy Jackson movies.

[7:59] You guys know those Percy Jackson.

Elliott Kalan

[8:01] We're real Jacksheads.

[8:03] Now, that's Percy Jackson and the Olympians, right?

[8:06] That's that movie?

[8:07] Yeah.

[8:07] Uh-huh.

[8:07] I was not aware of the book series it's based on until afterwards, so I kept seeing posters

[8:11] for it, and I thought it was a band.

[8:12] Oh, good.

[8:13] That's a pretty crappy name for a band.

[8:16] It's a very old-fashioned name.

[8:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[8:18] Yeah.

[8:19] So, anyway, Alexander Daddario, she's a high school teacher.

[8:21] She's teaching her school, teaching her class about Lord of the Flies because, and this

[8:26] also refers to Annihilation, a movie I saw yesterday and liked a lot.

[8:30] Every movie that involves a teacher, the teacher can only be teaching something that speaks

[8:34] to the themes of the film.

[8:36] And that's all the curriculum has room for.

Stuart Wellington

[8:38] And as often as like, and as basically as introductory as possible.

[8:43] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[8:44] These kids.

Stuart Wellington

[8:47] Now, this scene got me excited for the movie because you guys probably know I'm not a huge

[8:54] fan of kids.

[8:55] I don't like kids that much.

[8:57] Sure.

[8:57] But this movie introduced me to a kid that I can endorse.

[9:01] The character Demarius.

[9:04] Okay.

[9:04] Who's a young man who, instead of reading Lord of the Flies, he is reading some manga underneath

[9:09] his desk.

[9:10] Yeah.

[9:11] And Demarius.

[9:12] I don't know.

[9:12] He's just got this certain style.

[9:14] Like maybe it's the gold chain around his neck or the way he wears his glasses like he's

[9:19] Jeffrey Wright.

[9:21] But man, that kid's just awesome.

[9:24] And like, when called out by his teacher.

Elliott Kalan

[9:26] There's a lot of stuff going on with Demarius that was very confusing.

[9:31] Like the way he dressed and his body type and his interest in manga.

[9:35] And I was like, they, I think they tried to write this like as colorblind casting as possible.

[9:41] Yeah.

[9:41] And yet it somehow ended up being a character that makes no sense.

[9:46] It was like this weird mix of like, like black and white and nerd and cool kid and like

[9:52] grown up and teen.

[9:54] And I, like Demarius is all things.

[9:56] I like, he should be the hero of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[9:58] Now, was he reading manga or was it like full on hentai?

[10:02] Because I feel like they were talking about how the tentacles were like penises.

Stuart Wellington

[10:05] In his, in his words, he was calling it manga.

[10:08] So I'll, I'll just, I'll, I'll accept what Demarius says.

[10:11] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[10:11] But the fact that like.

[10:13] My guess is that my guess is that the people making this movie don't really know the difference.

[10:17] Yeah.

[10:17] And assume all Japanese comics has tentacle penises in it.

[10:21] Right.

[10:22] And it's.

[10:22] They've never read Grave of the Fireflies, which has nary a tentacle penis to be found.

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] Maybe, maybe they have little like margin comics like Mazumune Shira does of tentacle penises.

[10:33] Maybe.

[10:33] Possible.

[10:34] Uh, but the thing about Demarius is when called out by his teacher and it's revealed that he's reading, uh, comics

[10:41] under the table.

[10:42] Instead of being embarrassed, he is like, nope, I'm going to start reading you dialogue and tech and panel descriptions.

Dan McCoy

[10:49] Well, she makes him, but, uh, but he seems to be cool with it.

[10:53] Yeah.

[10:53] With gusto.

Stuart Wellington

[10:54] He has no shame whatsoever.

[10:56] He displays levels of confidence that only she can, she can only hope to achieve.

[11:02] Or maybe she achieves by the end of the movie.

[11:04] We'll find out.

[11:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:06] Now, uh, that gets interrupted by, uh, the principal of the school, uh, Rob Corddry, my old coworker.

[11:12] Yeah.

[11:13] He comes in and now there's some cross cutting back forth.

[11:16] Let's just say what happens with Daddario first.

[11:17] Then we'll get to Kate Upton.

[11:18] Uh, Daddario is told by the principal that he would like her to resign so that he doesn't have to fire her.

[11:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:24] It's never, it's never made clear.

[11:25] It's never made clear why.

[11:26] Yeah.

[11:26] I assume it's, uh, you know, just funding issues because it doesn't seem like she's doing a bad job as a teacher.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] But she's also like an English teacher.

[11:35] So it's not like this is a, like a, it's not an extracurricular type of class.

[11:39] Right.

[11:40] It's outside of the main core school, educational curriculum.

[11:44] Like, I don't, I don't get it.

[11:45] Anyway, but she is, she is disheartened by this clearly as she should be.

[11:50] Meanwhile, her roommate and best friend, Kate Upton, is trying to sell unsafe North Korean cosmetics to the buyer for a cosmetics company.

Dan McCoy

[12:01] Sounds funnier than it plays in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] It plays very badly.

[12:05] And it's also like she puts this lip gloss on and then it burns her lips and she has to pretend it's not burning and she runs out.

[12:11] And it's like, so am I supposed to sympathize with her?

[12:13] Because if she gets what she wants, then she's going to hurt untold numbers of people.

Stuart Wellington

[12:18] I would like, I would like a pre-credit sequence of her, like establishing the connections to some North Korean company that'll provide her these cosmetics.

Elliott Kalan

[12:27] That's the other thing is she's, she's breaking international law, which is, or American embargo law, which is pointed out.

[12:33] Like the FBI should be investigating her right now.

[12:36] Like, I don't know how she bought that stuff.

[12:39] And then she goes outside to find that her car is towed.

[12:41] And she utters the first of numerous swear words.

[12:46] Because one of Kate Upton's character, one of her personality, so we've already figured out, here are the two characters.

[12:51] Alexander Daddario is supposed to be like the good girl who wants to do good.

[12:54] And Kate Upton is the bad girl who only wants to party.

[12:57] Yeah.

[12:58] They are, they're roommates together in an enormous apartment.

[13:01] I think it has four floors.

[13:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:03] I mean, it's a, it's Seattle, dude.

[13:04] You can get, I mean, uh, like what?

[13:08] Real estate's not expensive in Seattle, right?

Dan McCoy

[13:10] This is one of the many things that stressed me out about this movie.

[13:14] Because, all right, so the movie starts out with Alexander Daddario just being a teacher and having a teacher's salary.

[13:21] And Kate Upton apparently.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] Just, excuse me, excuse me, Dan.

[13:24] Just being a teacher as if a teacher is not something to cherish.

[13:27] I just, I just mean in terms of.

[13:28] Not something to have pride about.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] Okay, I'm talking about financial stability of being a teacher and like the.

Elliott Kalan

[13:34] Understood.

[13:34] I'm just busting your chops, McCoy.

[13:36] Keep on keeping on.

Dan McCoy

[13:37] So she doesn't have any money.

[13:38] Kate Upton is, you know, doing this cosmetic scam.

[13:41] She presumably has no money.

[13:43] And in the, in the midst of this movie, like, and Daddario gets fired.

[13:48] So then they take a vacation.

[13:50] She presumes that she's getting fired.

[13:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:54] Um, well, I mean, that's, yeah, the, the way that money is dealt with in this movie is interesting

[13:59] because it's never really a, it's never really an issue.

[14:03] No.

[14:03] But they bring it up a lot.

[14:04] They bring up specific pricings often.

Elliott Kalan

[14:08] Yeah.

[14:09] My guess is that both of these characters, the backstory I gave them was they both have

[14:13] rich families and it's like, they don't really have to worry about money, but it's embarrassing

[14:17] to have to go ask mommy and daddy for more bucks.

[14:20] Oh, that makes sense.

[14:20] Because they throw, they throw money around like crazy.

[14:23] But yeah, but you're right.

[14:24] Like one of them has no job and just bought 10,000 bottles of poisonous North Korean lip

[14:29] gloss.

[14:30] And the other one is working on a public school teacher salary.

[14:33] She can't be that.

[14:34] It's not like, I mean, she couldn't have been doing the job so long that she's built up a

[14:38] lot of money from seniority and, and extra graduate degrees as how, that's how it works

[14:43] when you're a teacher.

[14:44] But, uh, so it's like, I don't know, but they, they complain about money a lot, but they

[14:48] never really seem to be in danger of running out of money.

[14:51] Now.

Stuart Wellington

[14:51] So they both cope with their, their, uh, their business problems in different ways.

[14:56] Uh, Alexandra Dodaro does a little bit of, uh, retail therapy and Kate Upton presumably

[15:01] like forces her Uber driver into sex with her.

[15:05] Like the way that guy reacts to the situation seems very much more like a hostage.

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] Yes, he does.

[15:11] Now with the here, and you know that, so you know that Alexandra Dodaro, just everything

[15:15] about this is very cookie cutter.

[15:16] Like the way that they dress tells you everything you need to know.

[15:20] You know that Alexandra Dodaro is the good girl because she wears professional clothes.

[15:24] You know that Kate Upton is the bad girl because she doesn't wear pajama pants when she goes

[15:27] to sleep.

[15:28] Like that you kind of, you always know in a movie, if you see it, if you see a grown woman

[15:32] in a movie wearing a shirt and pants to go to sleep, you're like, oh, she's going to have

[15:36] to bust out of her shell at some point.

[15:38] Yep.

[15:39] Because cool babes don't wear pants when they sleep, which is crazy.

[15:43] Everyone wears pants when they sleep.

[15:45] I don't wear pants when I sleep.

[15:47] Well, but you're not everyone.

[15:48] You're special.

Stuart Wellington

[15:49] Yeah.

[15:50] What am I supposed to wear?

[15:52] Wait, like I'm supposed to wear like full button down pajamas.

Elliott Kalan

[15:56] My leg.

[15:57] Or slacks, jeans, overalls, whatever you want to wear.

[16:00] Oh, wow.

[16:00] Just makes my legs hot.

[16:02] Yeah.

[16:05] Now, the two of them, we see them in their pajamas because they watch The Bachelor together

[16:09] and express their different romantic philosophies about whether they should compete and what's

[16:15] fair in love or war.

[16:16] And my notes, I don't remember what I'm referring to here, but I just say Upton is terrible and

[16:20] terrible is underlined several times.

[16:23] You mean her character or her performance?

[16:26] I'm not sure.

[16:27] It applies to both.

[16:28] Okay.

[16:30] I mean, no one is particularly good in this movie, but Kate Upton is.

[16:35] You can see why she is not setting the world on fire as an actress.

Stuart Wellington

[16:38] I feel like people, well, I think performances vary, but yeah, for the most part, no.

Dan McCoy

[16:46] She would be the perfectly acceptable lead for like a Hallmark movie.

[16:50] Okay.

[16:51] I could see that.

[16:52] Yeah.

[16:54] I could see that, Dan.

[16:55] Before we get...

[16:55] And what's that movie about?

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:58] It's about...

[16:58] So it's Christmas and...

[17:01] Okay.

[17:02] Yeah, it's a Hallmark movie.

[17:03] Duh.

[17:03] Someone needs...

[17:05] Her dad always used to go ice fishing, and she has a real connection to ice fishing because

[17:13] of that, but they're going to tear down the old ice fishing shack.

Stuart Wellington

[17:16] And when they do, they find her dad's body.

[17:18] Now, Harry Hole is on the case.

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] It's a Hallmark Hall of Fame, Yo, Nesbo...

[17:26] It's a Hallmark.

Dan McCoy

[17:28] Come on.

[17:28] Crossover.

[17:29] Yeah, Hallmark, as Stu says.

Elliott Kalan

[17:31] That's a Harry Hallmark production.

[17:34] Oh, boy.

[17:36] So, Stuart, what were you going to say?

[17:38] I don't fucking remember.

[17:42] Well, we don't have time for it because Kate Upton just bought them last-minute tickets

[17:45] to Fort Lauderdale.

[17:47] That's right.

[17:47] They're going to Fort Lickerdale for a little bit of bad girl vacation.

[17:51] Is that what they call it?

[17:53] They're going to get their troubles.

[17:54] That's what a co-worker of Dan's, who used to be a co-worker of mine as well, one James

[17:59] Don, he grew up right near there.

[18:01] And apparently, that's what people would call it, Fort Lickerdale.

[18:06] He said it was a weird place to grow up because when you're a kid, there are all these TV

[18:11] commercials for spring break crazy things to do.

[18:14] So, you're like, is this what grown-ups do?

Dan McCoy

[18:17] This initiates the second part of the movie that created great anxiety in me because Kate

[18:26] Upton apparently, in one of the throwaway lines, it's kind of funny, honestly.

[18:31] Alexandra Daddario said something like, I told you, you could have a bath or poach an egg,

[18:35] but not both.

[18:36] And in a better movie, that would have gotten a laugh out of me.

[18:39] But she apparently took a long time getting to the airport, and they're stuck behind a

[18:44] big line.

[18:45] And there's nothing that causes me more anxiety in a movie than people not taking travel

[18:50] seriously.

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] Yep.

[18:53] I think we've talked about this.

[18:55] What, to me, is when people in movies or TV leave faucets running is, to you, people

[19:01] who are not giving enough care to their travel plans.

Stuart Wellington

[19:05] See, the thing that really stresses me out when, I don't know, a convicted serial killer is

[19:10] left alone with a child, and then he just wanders away free.

Elliott Kalan

[19:15] Like, that stresses me out.

Stuart Wellington

[19:18] One movie.

[19:19] I don't know if I'm a little bit crazy.

[19:20] That's one of my quirks.

[19:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:24] Stuart, are you forgetting that that was the breakout lovable character of the movie?

[19:27] Yeah.

[19:28] By national acclaim?

Dan McCoy

[19:30] The character that the movie ends on before, like, doing a happy version of Sweet Home Alabama.

[19:37] Apparently making meaning that the audience should be happy that he...

[19:40] Are you forgetting that...

[19:41] He escaped.

Elliott Kalan

[19:42] Are you forgetting that Bill Clinton awarded that character the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

[19:47] Because America so fell in love with this serial killer who, it's described as him driving

[19:53] cross-country with a little girl's head tied to his head like a hat.

[19:56] Yep.

[19:57] And that is somehow the character who's now, like, the adorable mascot for the film.

[20:01] Oh, yeah.

[20:01] Thanks for...

[20:02] Is that what bothers you?

Stuart Wellington

[20:03] Yeah, thanks for reminding me, because I remember when Bill Clinton awarded that character that

[20:06] medal, he actually had to go to that magical movie theater from Last Action Hero and travel

[20:11] into the movie universe so he could hand that medal to Steve Buscemi's character.

Elliott Kalan

[20:16] I think now you're...

[20:17] I think you may be misremembering the cosmology of Last Action Hero, that it was a magic ticket

[20:22] and not a magic theater.

[20:23] But yes, otherwise exactly correct.

Stuart Wellington

[20:25] So wait, I could just take that fucking magic ticket to any old, like, Lowe's?

[20:29] Yeah, it's like MoviePass.

[20:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:31] That's how Death from the Seventh Seal comes up and it starts walking around.

[20:36] Do you think that was playing at the same theater as the latest Arnold Schwarzenegger,

[20:40] Jack, what's-his-name cop action movie?

[20:42] No way.

Stuart Wellington

[20:43] I mean, that kind of sounds like the Alamo Draft House's programming schedule.

Dan McCoy

[20:47] Touché.

[20:48] Good point.

[20:48] By the way, I'm betting that my MoviePass reference is going to be what dates this podcast.

[20:52] Like, by the time I actually release it, it's going to have gone under.

Stuart Wellington

[20:56] I mean, I'm shocked that it hasn't.

[20:58] I have a-one of my employees is like-has been keeping a MoviePass journal of how much he

[21:04] has spent on MoviePass and how many dollars worth of tickets he has bought on MoviePass.

[21:10] And it's something like ten times the amount of money.

[21:13] Wow.

[21:13] It's like he's-

[21:14] Yeah, but-

[21:15] He has cost MoviePass like $800.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] Except he is not-the movie is not the product.

[21:24] He is the product.

[21:25] The whole thing is just to collect data on people's movie-going and purchasing habits.

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:30] So-

[21:30] So they can clone them.

[21:31] It's like the same-the same way that people are like, all this internet stuff, it's totally

[21:35] free.

[21:35] It's not free, dude.

[21:37] If it's free, then you're what's being sold.

[21:39] Anyway, welcome to Chapo Trap House.

[21:41] We gotta talk about some stuff.

[21:43] Yeah.

[21:44] Is that the kind of stuff they talk about on Chapo Trap House?

[21:47] I don't-

Stuart Wellington

[21:47] I thought it was all like Simpsons references.

[21:50] I-I-I don't like titles that rhyme.

Dan McCoy

[21:53] So I've been avoiding-

[21:53] I don't-

Stuart Wellington

[21:54] Dan, I-we talked about this.

Elliott Kalan

[21:59] I'm just-

[21:59] I'm always just afraid to listen to it because it's a trap.

[22:02] Yeah.

[22:04] I don't want to get stuck there.

[22:05] It's in the title.

Elliott Kalan

[22:06] Yeah.

[22:06] Yeah, it's right there.

[22:08] Anyway, so they go to-

[22:10] So this-

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] I gotta say, this line sequence where-

[22:14] This is when in the movie I thought there was a chance that maybe it was because I was

[22:18] watching on a plane and the altitude was affecting my brain.

[22:21] But this is when I thought that I might have been hearing things are going crazy because

[22:25] it seemed like this is the start of the movie using sound editing to splice in little noises

[22:31] to like punch up some of the scenes.

[22:34] Okay.

[22:34] So when she is-

[22:36] She's trying to get, you know, jump to the front of the line by revealing that she packed

[22:42] underpants in her bag.

[22:45] I thought I heard like little moaning sounds, like sex noises, and then later on-

Elliott Kalan

[22:51] No, I think those might have been in there, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:53] Okay, so I'm not going crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[22:55] So she is-

[22:56] Now she's going to try to get to the front of the line to get some extra help from the

[22:59] guy at the desk by making him think about her wearing underpants.

[23:03] Yeah.

[23:03] By showing her the underpants she's packed.

[23:07] He helps, and then they get to the security line where she eats a hot dog and chugs an entire

[23:11] Dr. Pepper.

[23:12] And it's like-

Stuart Wellington

[23:13] And at that point I'm like, I feel like I have gone through some kind of gender reversing

[23:18] cabinet and then used a magic movie ticket in this movie because that's how I like to travel.

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] You really identified with that character.

[23:28] I've often thought, Stu, you're a Kate Upton type.

Stuart Wellington

[23:32] Yeah.

[23:33] Where did she get that crazy sausage and peppers in the airport?

[23:39] Having spent a bunch of time-

Elliott Kalan

[23:39] I think she brought it with her.

[23:40] Okay, that makes sense.

[23:42] That's why they were late, yeah.

[23:43] They were late because she was making a sausage and peppers on a bun with peppers and onions,

[23:49] and she poached an egg.

[23:51] This, again, this is the caricature you see every now and then of like, she's supposed

[23:55] to be that much more attractive because she likes guy stuff, but she's also kind of gross.

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] And so when she was forced to chug that Dr. Pepper, not really forced, I mean, she chose to do it.

[24:08] But while she was doing it, I think they spliced in background audio of people like saying awesome.

[24:15] Okay.

[24:16] Or maybe that was just me saying it under my breath.

Dan McCoy

[24:20] You're a real layover detective.

[24:21] I missed all these extra clues.

Elliott Kalan

[24:25] Each one is necessary to solve the mystery at the heart of the film.

Stuart Wellington

[24:30] I was in what I consider to be, and what my friend Christopher Nolan considers to be the perfect

[24:35] viewing environment, which is on a cross-country flight, watching a movie on an iPad.

[24:41] Yeah.

[24:43] There is no outside.

Elliott Kalan

[24:45] You and your friend Chris talk about that a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[24:47] Yeah, yeah.

[24:48] Me and Chrissy, we, yeah, we talk about how we like to watch movies like that.

[24:53] And, yeah, the smaller the screen, the better, he says.

[24:56] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[24:57] Now, here's the note I have for their time on the plane.

[25:00] Daddario's a bad flyer and Upton's brassy and burpy.

[25:04] Yeah.

[25:05] Now, because she's an anxious nerd type, Daddario is, and at this point, I did not know either

[25:11] of these characters' names.

[25:12] We're probably 15 minutes into the movie.

[25:14] It took so long before I picked up what these characters' names were.

[25:16] There's a Meg, right?

[25:17] I might not say Daddario and Upton.

[25:18] There's a Meg, right?

[25:19] A Meg and Katie?

[25:21] I don't fucking know.

[25:22] I think Kate Upton is Meg.

[25:23] All right.

[25:24] And Meg is, they're both named after Peter Benchley books.

[25:28] Oh, okay.

[25:29] So she's Meg, and Alexander Daddario is Jaws.

[25:31] That's okay.

[25:33] Sure.

[25:34] So she's, Alexander Daddario is the anxious character, so of course she's like, I don't fly well.

[25:39] Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[25:40] And Kate Upton is just burping like crazy.

[25:43] And of course, there's a sassy gay flight attendant who has to comment on all of her burps.

[25:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:48] Well, apparently they-

[25:49] Because this movie is stupid.

[25:51] Apparently her burps stink like farts, the way that everyone reacts to them.

[25:56] I mean, I've encountered a smelly burp or two in my time, but nothing to the degree that this movie would have us believe is possible.

Elliott Kalan

[26:06] You would think she ate a skunk.

[26:07] Yeah.

[26:07] And the skunk is living in her throat and just spraying musk out of her mouth.

[26:11] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[26:13] Well, I'm going to say, I take this as a compliment, because I know I've had some stinky burps around Dan, but I'm glad that Dan has forgotten them and not called me out on it.

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] Okay.

[26:23] So she's burping up a storm.

[26:25] Daddario is getting very anxious and eventually takes some plain pills.

[26:31] When who sits in between them, but kind of like a budget Matthew McConaughey type?

[26:36] Like, how would you guys describe this guy?

Stuart Wellington

[26:38] I would describe him as a director William H. Macy cipher.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] I mean, he does seem like- I mean, Matthew McConaughey is right in that he seems like the kind of guy who probably would take his shirt off and play some drums.

Stuart Wellington

[26:52] Yeah, that's cool.

Dan McCoy

[26:53] Okay.

[26:53] Yeah.

[26:54] And maybe he has a puka shell necklace someplace.

[26:57] Uh-huh.

[26:58] Probably.

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] He also has the same haircut that William H. Macy has.

[27:02] He has the same bit of beard that William H. Macy has.

[27:06] I mean, I feel like this is a pretty direct one-to-one correlation.

[27:09] It's like Woody Allen casting nebbishy dudes in place of himself.

Dan McCoy

[27:13] He is a younger buff, sort of stretched out William H. Macy.

[27:17] Yeah, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[27:19] I mean, I think by saying buff, you're saying that William H. Macy isn't buff, and I mean, he is pretty cut.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] He's pretty.

[27:26] He's in shape.

[27:26] So you would call him, for lack of a better word, let's call him William H. Hunky.

[27:29] And the H also stands for Hunky.

[27:31] Okay.

[27:32] Now I want to-

[27:33] So his name is William Hunky Hunky.

Stuart Wellington

[27:34] Do we have to say that full name every time we refer to the character on the podcast?

Elliott Kalan

[27:38] If we want this to have any sort of cohesion and consistency, then yes, of course.

Dan McCoy

[27:43] I want to take a moment to say, as this character is being introduced, that I cannot think of a bigger cipher for these two women to be interested in.

[27:53] He is the most boring guy that I think I've seen in a movie.

[27:59] Like, beyond his looks, there is absolutely nothing that I could see would entice these women.

Elliott Kalan

[28:04] And he's not even that, like, he's a good looking guy, but he's not an Adonis.

[28:09] But the minute he sits down, they act as if fucking Apollo himself just sat between them.

[28:14] Yeah.

[28:15] Like, this is, oh my god, like, they can't even, they have to take their eyes away because the radiance of his beauty is burning their corneas out.

[28:23] Like, they react to him the way that, like, it's hard, you would think that, like, a hypnosis ray was placed over the plane.

[28:31] Or, like, the purple man walked by and was like, hey, the guy who sits next to you is the most handsome man who's ever lived.

[28:36] Like, they're just so crazy over him instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[28:38] And, but I mean, I think it's, they introduced the fact that both of them were big fans of the television show The Bachelor.

[28:45] And I don't think this guy is any more boring than any of the Bachelor contestants.

Dan McCoy

[28:51] Well, I mean, yeah, sure.

[28:52] That's a good indictment of The Bachelor, but.

Stuart Wellington

[28:55] But I mean, but they make a point of saying how interested in former Bachelors they both were.

[29:01] Well, and he's a fireman, which is one of the things.

[29:04] I did like the needle drop when he revealed he was a fireman.

[29:08] Yeah.

[29:09] And I, like, I was on the plane and I started looking around like, are you seeing this?

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] Now, unfortunately, so they both start flirting with him and compete.

[29:21] And there's this, so Kate Upton starts flirting and Daddario gets a look on her face like someone flipped a switch in her brain.

[29:27] She's like, oh no, I'm going to flirt with him too.

[29:30] And they are like, if this was at a certain point, I was like, is this going to turn into a porno?

[29:35] And they're just going to open up his fly and start taking his penis out?

[29:39] Like the way they are like so obviously presenting to him.

[29:42] Yeah, I mean, you looked at the rating of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[29:44] You looked at the rating of the movie and you're like, they're probably going to start pulling out his penis and having hardcore sex in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[29:53] I would have so much respect for a movie that just started out like a really stupid R-rated comedy.

[29:59] And then in the middle, there was the hardest core sex scene.

[30:02] And then the movie doesn't reference it again.

[30:05] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[30:05] Right now Dan is saying, I respect Vincent Gallo movies.

[30:09] All right.

[30:12] You make a good point.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Yeah.

[30:15] I guess what I'm saying is they're clearly in estrus and are doing what they can to get him interested in them.

Stuart Wellington

[30:23] At this point, we've been introduced to both of these characters and they have been revealed to not be particularly good friends to each other.

[30:30] They have not been revealed to be good at their jobs or particularly like maybe they have charming quirks, maybe.

[30:38] But nothing particularly, nothing really stands out about them.

[30:41] And then so you're like, okay, so they're going to be fighting over this man.

[30:45] At least maybe the draw of this movie is not that we like these characters, but that they're very good at this, this like, this like cat and mouse spy versus spy type situation.

[30:55] But no, they're both terrible at hitting on this man.

[30:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] But they're going to get a lot of chances because there's a storm that forces them to land in St. Louis.

Dan McCoy

[31:07] And I have to say that I have never seen people who have had their plane forced down in a city that's like not really close to where they're going.

[31:18] Take it in such stride.

[31:20] Like the dude is.

[31:21] Especially when the dude is supposed to, he has to get to Florida for a win.

Elliott Kalan

[31:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:26] But he seems kind of mildly upset about it.

[31:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:29] And the other two ladies are just like, whatever.

[31:30] He also seems like a guy who not a lot of bad stuff has happened to his whole life.

[31:34] Yeah.

[31:35] Things have been pretty easy for William H. Hunky.

Elliott Kalan

[31:40] He's like, William H. Hunky is like Jon Hamm in that 30 Rock episode where he's just used to having things handed to him on a platter.

[31:46] Because he's a handsome guy.

[31:47] And let's not forget that our heroes, and I use that term lightly because they're bad people, that the heroes of the movie are like dandelion seeds in the wind.

[31:57] Like they were already on an impulse flight to Fort Lauderdale.

[32:01] Who knows where life will take them?

[32:02] Like they're kind of in, they're just taking whatever in stride.

Dan McCoy

[32:04] Yeah, they're like, St. Louis is pretty good too.

[32:07] Mm-hmm.

[32:08] I mean, it's basically the Fort Lauderdale of the West.

[32:12] Missouri, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:13] We'll go to the city museum.

[32:15] We'll see the arch.

[32:16] Hey, did you know that, did you know that the Plessy v. Ferguson case had some interesting things?

[32:22] Actually, it wasn't Plessy v. Ferguson.

[32:23] It was, what's the other really bad one?

[32:26] I think you could have gotten away with that one.

[32:28] I don't think either of us was going to have a check.

[32:29] No, but it's not true.

[32:31] I'm getting my bad Supreme Court decision.

[32:35] So they show up at the hotel.

[32:37] Oh, the Dred Scott decision.

[32:37] Did you know Dred Scott was around here?

[32:39] That's what it would have been.

Stuart Wellington

[32:40] They show up at the hotel, and we're introduced to one of the bigger name stars in the movie, Cal Penn, playing a hotel manager.

[32:48] And we see a scene of him basically going through all the stuff that you go over with a hotel receptionist.

[32:57] With no jokes.

[32:58] Yeah, there's no jokes at all.

[32:59] We see the whole scene.

Dan McCoy

[33:01] Yeah, the use of Cal Penn in this movie is baffling because he is not given anything to do.

[33:06] And you're like, why is a name actor in this role?

Stuart Wellington

[33:09] I think we already mentioned it, Dan.

[33:11] He got a free trip to St. Louis out of the vehicle.

Elliott Kalan

[33:14] I will say this.

[33:15] They have to stay at a Sheridan, and the St. Louis Sheridan gets the glamour treatment in this movie.

[33:21] Beauty shots of the hotel.

[33:23] There's a scene where the characters walk into the room and talk about how it's not that bad.

[33:26] It's pretty nice, actually.

[33:27] There's apparently a hot nightclub in the Sheridan that has a big Sheridan logo projected onto the wall.

[33:35] It's like, at a certain point, I'm like, am I watching a commercial for Sheridan?

Stuart Wellington

[33:39] I thought this was a movie.

[33:40] And the pool that they have, the guest pool, has a section that's deep enough for diving.

[33:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:48] Pretty good.

[33:49] Pretty sweet.

[33:50] Yeah.

[33:50] Let's all go there.

Elliott Kalan

[33:51] I mean, it looks like the St. Louis Sheridan is where we gotta be.

[33:56] We can meet Cal Penn.

[33:57] He works there.

[34:00] They're all staying at the same hotel, them and the hunky guy.

[34:03] And so they make plans to see him.

[34:05] And there's this very weird scene.

Stuart Wellington

[34:06] And there's a jeweler's convention.

Elliott Kalan

[34:08] Yeah.

[34:09] Oh, and there's also a jeweler's convention.

[34:11] And the jewelers, as we'll find out, are a bunch of losers.

[34:15] You know, they're kind of lamos.

[34:17] There's a weird scene where Daddario kind of says that she doesn't think she's beautiful.

[34:21] And Kate Upton is like, no, come on, you're beautiful.

[34:23] And I'm like, come on, movie.

[34:25] Like, what are you doing?

[34:26] Yeah.

[34:26] I don't believe this for a moment.

[34:29] But the bigger problem is Kate Upton's bag is missing.

[34:32] And Daddario will not share her dress for their hot evening at the Sheraton nightclub with William H. Honky.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] So what is she going to do?

[34:40] She can't go to a store and buy a dress.

[34:42] She would need money for that.

[34:43] And they only have unlimited money.

Dan McCoy

[34:46] Yeah.

[34:47] So what do they do?

[34:48] Well, they go to Cal Penn.

[34:50] And Daddario, or sorry, Upton basically blackmails him into,

[34:56] giving her his mother's dress by threatening a bad Yelp review.

Stuart Wellington

[35:02] Now, this is where this character lost any sympathy I could have.

[35:07] As a small business owner, I know of the power that Yelp has over bars, restaurants, and hotels.

[35:16] Yeah.

[35:16] So that is bullshit, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[35:18] Yeah, mom and pop operations like Sheraton.

Dan McCoy

[35:24] So, yeah, Kate Upton shows up in a, like, is it a sari or is it just like a very fancy Indian dress?

Elliott Kalan

[35:31] They make a joke about, she calls it a sari, Dan.

[35:34] Yeah, okay.

[35:35] Yeah.

[35:35] It looks like a nice sari.

[35:37] It looks like the kind of sari an older woman would wear on a regular day or to a nice restaurant.

[35:44] But everyone acts as if she's dressed as, she's Cinderella.

[35:47] Yeah.

[35:47] Walking into the room.

[35:48] Like, everyone's, and it's so weird because it's like everyone's heads are turned.

[35:52] And she's wearing the most shapeless dress, I think, any, I think she's probably worn in her life.

[35:57] Like, it shows nothing about her.

[35:59] And she should be, like, it's another case where they're like, okay, the thing that we have on screen doesn't really live up to what the script needs it to be.

[36:06] But can everybody, like, amp up their reaction as if this is the most beautiful dress you've ever seen?

[36:10] People start flipping out.

[36:11] Super sexy in it.

[36:12] Everybody starts flipping out.

Stuart Wellington

[36:13] There's a shot of a guy pouring an orange soda all over himself out of surprise.

Dan McCoy

[36:18] There's a guy whose eyes pop out of his head and, like, his tongue unfurls.

[36:22] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] Not to make my second someone taking their penis out reference, but it's Jonah Hill from Wolf of Wall Street just starts masturbating in front of everybody like he does to Marco Robbie in that.

[36:34] That is the weirdest moment in that movie, by the way.

[36:36] In a movie full of strange moments, the weirdest one is when Jonah Hill just starts masturbating and at a party in front of everybody.

[36:42] And everyone is like, hey, come on.

[36:44] They don't act, they're not like, they're just, like, mildly miffed.

[36:48] They're not disgusted.

Stuart Wellington

[36:48] Now, do they ever reveal, in the movie, was that a prosthetic penis or was that Jonah Hill's actual penis?

[36:55] Oh, no, that's his real one.

[36:56] He calls it Jonah's Hill.

[36:57] I was doing a bit of a deep dive in celebrity penises yesterday.

[37:02] Yeah.

[37:02] Mainly focused around my man Willem Dafoe.

[37:05] Okay.

[37:05] And, yeah, apparently he's packing a monster.

[37:09] I was reading a Guardian article where one of the paragraphs opens with, of course all women find him gorgeous.

[37:17] And I was like, you know, wait.

[37:19] Willem Dafoe?

[37:20] Yeah, let's pump those brakes for a second.

[37:22] I'm sure he's got a magnetic personality.

[37:24] He seems very exciting and interesting.

[37:26] Yeah.

[37:27] But I feel like, of course.

[37:28] Like, come on.

Dan McCoy

[37:29] You're underestimating the number of women that have a gargoyle fetish.

Elliott Kalan

[37:33] I mean, I guess.

[37:34] I mean, you're essentially, you're comparing him, I guess, to international teen heartthrob Klaus Kinski.

[37:42] Anyway, we should speed through some of this.

[37:44] There's a jewel convention.

[37:45] The jewelers hit on Upton and Daddario.

[37:48] And Kate Upton says that she's a federal agent.

[37:50] She's going to throw them away.

[37:52] She just threatens them to let them go.

[37:54] They hang out with Molly Shannon.

[37:55] Uh-huh.

[37:56] Who is hilariously oversexed with her lover that she's with.

[38:01] Yeah.

[38:01] And they find out the Stormans.

[38:03] The Stormans is getting worse.

[38:04] They're going to be stuck in St. Louis a little longer.

Stuart Wellington

[38:07] We're introduced to the other main character of the movie, Matt Jones, the guy who played Badger on Breaking Bad, who plays one of the nerdy jewelers.

[38:15] Yeah.

[38:15] And he's the only one in the movie, I think, that exhibits any charm.

Dan McCoy

[38:18] And it's certainly not from the way he's written.

[38:21] It's just because he's a charming actor.

Elliott Kalan

[38:23] Yeah.

[38:23] He's fun.

[38:25] And then we watch everybody dancing for a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[38:28] This dance sequence goes on so fucking long.

[38:32] What are you talking about?

[38:33] I thought it went along exactly long enough for a big joke about an accidental nudity that you don't actually see.

[38:43] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:44] Kate Upton, she spins around in her sari and one of her boobs falls out.

[38:48] It is tastefully framed so that we don't see it.

[38:52] Because what would ruin a supposed love triangle sex comedy more than seeing a boob?

[38:59] And here's something I'm just going to mention right now.

[39:02] That this movie, and again, I'm going to sound like a gross hetero guy saying this.

[39:08] Okay.

[39:08] Let me buckle up.

[39:11] Yeah.

[39:11] Well...

[39:12] Okay.

[39:12] The ratio of...

[39:13] Yeah.

[39:13] Buckle up.

[39:14] It's going to be a hot take that's going to make me a lot of enemies.

[39:16] I'm going to be very unwoke right now.

[39:17] I'm sleeping.

[39:18] The ratio of actual guys' butts that we see in the movie, which is two.

[39:23] Uh-huh.

[39:24] The ratio of that to promised boobs, which we do not see, which is zero.

[39:28] We never see...

[39:29] Or infinity.

[39:30] Because we never see any, but we're constantly promised boobs.

[39:32] It seems very off to me.

[39:34] It seems strange for this movie.

[39:35] And it makes me think, like, was William H. Macy saying to himself, I'm going to make, like, a gross-out romantic comedy for women.

[39:43] Where, like, they get to objectify people.

[39:45] He doesn't succeed in that, but maybe that's what he was going for.

[39:48] So he's like, it's time for the guys to put their meat on display.

[39:51] And the women, they don't have to do this.

Stuart Wellington

[39:53] So you think the creative process started with the director, William H. Macy?

[39:56] He was like, I want that to be my next project, so I'll get the guy who played Rickety Cricket on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to write me a screenplay about ladies just getting their own thing.

Elliott Kalan

[40:10] I think that's what it was.

[40:11] William H. Macy said, I'm going to strike a blow against William H. Misogyny and give women the movie that they made.

[40:17] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[40:17] I mean, it's weird, because this movie, like, it does seem like it wants to try both things.

[40:23] Like, the movie wants to be about female friendship, but then it shows female friendship in the most unflattering light.

[40:30] It shows it, like, as soon as a guy enters the picture, they're going to be at each other's throat.

[40:38] And, of course, the movie is completely boob-obsessed.

[40:41] Like, I feel like that is why William H. Macy signed on to the picture, because he's like, okay, this will just give me the chance to showcase as much cleavage as I want to put on the – like, I'm not –

Elliott Kalan

[40:52] They said, William H., two scripts came in for you to direct as your sophomore effort.

[40:56] Okay, tell me about them.

[40:57] One's called The Layover.

[40:59] Does it have boobs in it?

[40:59] Yes.

[41:00] The other one's called Mudbound, and it's kind of – it's a story about interracial friendship in the 1940s in the Deep South.

[41:08] How many boobs are in it?

[41:09] Well, no boobs, but all right.

[41:10] Then I'm doing the other one.

[41:11] Layover it is.

[41:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:13] I love that we're just imparting these motives to William H. Macy.

Stuart Wellington

[41:18] I mean, I don't know.

[41:19] Like, I think we're just reading between the lines, Dan.

[41:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:23] Yeah.

[41:23] Anyway, so we should – oh, what were you going to say?

Stuart Wellington

[41:25] I'm trying to think.

[41:26] At this point, you know, they continue their conquest after this guy.

[41:31] Pretty quickly, I'm like, is this guy intentionally torturing the two of them?

[41:36] Is he just, like, pitting them against each other to see how far he can go?

[41:40] Like, he's some kind of, like, Luciferian, like, gentleman-caller demon who's shown up to try and, like, get them to kill each other?

Dan McCoy

[41:49] It's a good point, because there's no way that he can't tell that they're into him.

[41:53] Like, the way that they're behaving.

[41:54] Oh, no.

[41:54] He totally knows it.

[41:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:55] But he is – as we find out later, he plans to have sex with both of them, and he's just kind of pretending that he's oblivious in order to be the guy that they – to keep it going.

[42:04] Yeah.

[42:05] To get them to a fevered pitch of hornosity in which they can't keep their hands off of him.

[42:10] Yeah.

[42:11] And so, anyway, they go through a series of adventures.

[42:14] They hang out and go on a hot air balloon.

[42:16] Of course, that's not good for Daddario because she's afraid of heights.

[42:20] But William H. Hunky soothes her as they bond over singing a pink song together.

[42:24] The hot air balloon pilot only has one eye.

[42:27] There's almost no jokes attached to it, and it doesn't make any sense.

[42:30] Kate Upton buys champagne and insults Daddario.

[42:33] Here's where I have the note, why are they friends?

[42:35] And hits the pilot in his good eye with the champagne.

[42:37] And where does that guy keep the champagne up there?

Stuart Wellington

[42:42] Like, does he have like a bag of holding?

Elliott Kalan

[42:44] Where's the champagne?

[42:45] It's certainly not properly chilled.

[42:48] It's right underneath the fire that they use to keep the balloon in the low.

Dan McCoy

[42:50] No, he has a refrigerated blue apron box that he's got in it.

Elliott Kalan

[42:54] Oh, I see.

[42:55] Oh, blue apron.

[42:56] Dan, we're not supposed to promote anything else during the MaxFun.

[42:58] Anyway, so the – and here's one of these things that I feel like this is the kind of thing that is a – it's like an unintentional racism.

[43:07] Or maybe it's a subtext about how white people kind of can go around stomping at everything that the only Indian character is Cal Penn's character who is blackmailed into giving up his mother's own dress.

[43:21] Right.

[43:21] The only black character is a one-eyed man whose other eye gets attacked by this kind of white floozy's champagne cork hitting him in the face.

[43:31] And then when the hot air balloon lands, it literally crushes the birthday cake of a Latino boy.

[43:36] Yep.

[43:36] And it's like this movie is just kind of like – this movie could have been called like white people ruining other people's day obliviously.

[43:45] Like just this trail of destruction as they destroy minorities' livelihoods, their health, their most precious day of the year, their birthday.

[43:58] So they eventually find Kate Upton's suitcase, which is great.

[44:03] It means they can go swimming.

[44:04] She has a bathing suit now.

[44:05] Oh, we're still talking about this.

[44:06] About these things.

[44:07] Oh, yeah.

[44:08] She walks out.

[44:09] She attracts all the jeweler guys.

[44:11] That's not what she wants.

[44:12] Meanwhile, Daddario does that old favorite, cuts her own bathing suit up to make it really tiny so that she's showing off more skin.

[44:18] Now –

[44:18] Now, I'm not a seamstress.

[44:20] Is that possible?

Dan McCoy

[44:22] It is an amazing, like, Fredericks of Hollywood suit that she comes up with.

Stuart Wellington

[44:26] Yeah, I mean, at that point I'm like, oh, now there's a reason I have to root for this character.

[44:30] Because she's exhibiting a skill.

[44:32] I mean, her outfit – her dress looks far better than any of Reynolds Woodcock's outfits in Phantom Thread, let me tell you.

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] Wow, hot take on Phantom Thread.

Stuart Wellington

[44:47] Hey, I'm just saying the dresses look bad.

[44:50] The – I did like how the guys at the Jewelers Convention were eating in a hot tub.

[44:56] I mean, I think that's always a good look.

[44:58] I think that's a cool way.

[44:59] Yeah.

[44:59] Because there's nothing better than being hot and eating hot food at the same time.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] It's called Living in the Tropics.

[45:07] Okay.

[45:07] That's why they eat spicy food in hot places.

[45:09] But, Stuart, to piggyback on, you were talking about all the sound effects that were added in to the movie.

[45:14] This is the part where when Daddario's walking by in her newly shorn bathing suit, we do hear, like, wolf whistles inserted into the background.

[45:23] And that moment made me feel very icky because I was like, look, guys, let me just pull back the veil.

[45:28] I'm just a guy.

[45:29] I'm not above my base animal instincts.

[45:32] Did I go into this wanting to see Alexander Daddario with no clothes on?

[45:35] Yes, I did, of course.

[45:37] So I was like, oh, okay.

[45:39] I want to see you're in this skimpy bathing suit.

[45:41] And then I heard that wolf whistle in the background, and I was like, oh, I'm a monster.

[45:44] I feel terrible now.

Stuart Wellington

[45:45] Yeah, it's like when you're talking to your dad about movies, and he reveals that a much younger actress is attractive.

[45:53] You're like, I can never watch this movie ever again, Dad.

Dan McCoy

[45:58] Maybe that wolf whistle was the film indicting you, Elliot.

[46:01] Maybe it was like funny games.

[46:02] Yeah, it's like funny games.

Elliott Kalan

[46:03] It felt like it.

[46:04] Yeah, or like what Sucker Punch tried so hard to do and failed to do, the layover did within that one moment where it was like, oh, you like this?

[46:11] Well, you're an asshole for liking it.

[46:13] Oh, man, you're right, the layover.

[46:15] Really rough.

[46:18] So we get a competitive diving sequence.

[46:20] Yeah.

[46:21] That turns into them performing the sexiest of sports, diving.

[46:26] And Kate Upton accidentally hits her face on the pool, which is terrible.

[46:32] Anyway, there's another scene with Molly Shannon, because I guess they hired her for two scenes, where she reveals that she's actually there with, she's the mistress of the guy she's with.

[46:40] And she says, you got to go for what you want.

[46:43] And they find out that the hunky guy is going to leave and drive to Fort Lauderdale with the jeweler, played by, what's his name?

[46:49] I think it's Matt Jones.

[46:52] Matt Jones.

[46:52] Badger from Breaking Bad.

[46:56] And the girls decide to go along, too.

[46:58] They have a road trip, and it is so boring.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:02] It is.

[47:02] There's like no jokes.

[47:03] It's just them singing along to music on the radio.

[47:06] They're playing different road game, like road word games.

[47:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:09] There's burping.

[47:10] This movie is 90 minutes long, and it is not tight.

[47:14] There are scenes that are clearly just in there to pad out the time, like as if this was a television show, and they added like a car chase or something, because they're like, I don't know what else to do.

[47:26] This thing's got to be an hour long.

Stuart Wellington

[47:28] Well, it's like they want to give a bunch of filler so that when the jokes do hit, you're ready for them.

[47:36] You know, they really, you're like, oh, man, I've been dying for some laughs.

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] Yeah.

[47:41] It's just like the Night Watchmen scene in Macbeth, where you're like, oh, after all that tension when he's murdering King Duncan, I need some laughs.

[47:51] Okay, here we go.

Dan McCoy

[47:53] Yeah.

[47:54] It's the Shakespearean model, the layover.

[47:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:57] The layover's just like Macbeth, says Elliot Kalin.

[48:00] So this is when both characters go to a place that makes it hard for me to ever be sympathetic to them ever again, where Daddario shows everyone a childhood photo of Kate Upton's character wearing a helmet she needed to fix a malformed skull that everyone made fun of when she was a kid.

[48:18] And it's like, at this point, and then Kate Upton responds by blocking the door of a gas station bathroom that Daddario was in.

[48:28] So let's unpack.

[48:29] Trapping her there, I assume, to start.

Stuart Wellington

[48:31] Let's unpack this first part.

[48:33] I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I've ever been shown a picture of a person when they're younger and been like, oh, I think much less of you now because that's what you look like as a child.

[48:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] Especially when it's a physical defect that was fixed.

[48:51] It's like, oh, you were born with a problem and then you solved it.

[48:55] You know what?

[48:56] You're a loser.

[48:57] Yeah.

[48:57] It doesn't matter to me that you're beautiful now.

[49:00] When you were a kid, your skull was misshapen.

[49:02] So at this point, I can never date you.

[49:05] I'm going to go with your friend.

Dan McCoy

[49:06] Yeah.

[49:06] So that was crazy.

[49:07] But then let's talk about this bathroom.

Stuart Wellington

[49:10] First off, there's a big W written on it, which I'm assuming stands for women's or maybe water closet.

[49:16] But I'm assuming it stands for women's.

[49:18] Of course, an old home.

[49:20] I'm assuming homeless man.

[49:22] I don't want to like shame him based on his outfit.

[49:25] But that's what kind of how them.

Elliott Kalan

[49:26] No.

[49:26] For all you know, he is one of those very wealthy people who dresses up like a hobo and gets lost for a few weeks and then comes back and puts on an Armani suit.

[49:34] Like at the beginning of the first issue of Wildcats.

[49:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:36] He's a walking phoenix.

[49:38] So she goes.

[49:40] A walking phoenix?

[49:41] Like a phoenix that walks around?

[49:44] So she goes into this washroom before being barricaded inside.

[49:49] And this women's room has an out of order urinal.

[49:52] So I'm assuming it became the women's room when the urinal was out of order.

[49:57] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[49:58] It used to be unisex and the urinal broke.

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] They went, eh, it's a woman's room now.

[50:02] And at that point, and then she uses it and then doesn't flush, which is like, now you're just contributing to the problem, lady.

[50:10] Yeah.

[50:10] But finally she gets some comeuppance when she ends up stepping in her own filth and other people's filth.

[50:16] Yeah.

[50:16] And other people's.

Dan McCoy

[50:17] Of course, because this is a comedy, this is a gross bathroom.

[50:21] This is like the train spotting bathroom, basically.

[50:24] But because that is never funny, I did not laugh.

[50:29] Because it stresses you out when you go into a gross bathroom.

[50:31] Yeah, I don't like the idea of someone wallowing in filth.

Elliott Kalan

[50:35] You're like, that's how people get sick.

[50:37] All right.

Dan McCoy

[50:37] Yeah, exactly.

[50:38] You can get sick from that.

Elliott Kalan

[50:39] It's literally what killed most people for centuries was that kind of illness.

[50:44] But what are you going to do?

[50:45] It's hilarious.

Stuart Wellington

[50:47] I mean, I did think it was kind of funny when she wrapped her arms and legs in toilet paper to create some kind of a buffer, which of course doesn't work.

[50:55] She breaks the sink and then she escapes.

[50:58] And I don't think she tells anyone she broke the sink.

[51:02] Like at that point, they're just breaking shit.

[51:04] But I do have to give Alexander Daddario credit at this point because her look of rage and anger is really awesome.

[51:14] Like she plays super crazy angry really well.

Elliott Kalan

[51:17] I think she was probably tapping into the real emotions she was feeling about having to perform that scene and be in this movie.

[51:23] Sure, yeah.

[51:24] Where she was just like, I'm going to let all my anger at William H. Macy for commissioning this screenplay off of an original idea I assume he had.

[51:33] And then casting me using some sort of blackmail that he held over me.

[51:38] I'm going to use that right now.

[51:39] And then director William H. Macy was like, good work, good work.

[51:42] That was great.

[51:43] Anyway, I got to go.

[51:44] I got to go shoot another episode of Shameless.

[51:47] So just do whatever in front of the cameras and we'll figure it out later.

[51:50] Yeah, just throw more poop on her.

[51:53] Yeah, she does this whole scene and it's like, I imagine she does this long scene and it's like a tour de force and she's screaming.

[52:00] It's like Isabella Johnny in the subway tunnels in possession where she's just vomiting white liquid and rolling around on the wet floors.

[52:09] And she does that.

[52:10] And then William H. Macy, he goes, cut.

[52:12] And then he just stands there for a moment and he goes, needs more poop.

[52:18] And she has to do it again.

[52:19] What a sadist.

[52:20] Anyway, they leave.

[52:22] She, she's screaming around.

[52:24] She screams and hoes herself off.

[52:25] They get back in the car.

[52:27] The guy gives D'Addario a massage and she makes over the top satisfaction sound.

[52:31] I'll have what she's having, et cetera.

[52:34] Kate Upton, in an attempt to, as a friend would when in a romantic competition, in an attempt to drug her best friend with champagne with pills in it, she accidentally drugs the driver of the car, Badger.

[52:45] And he goes off the, they all fall asleep.

[52:48] But I love.

[52:48] He goes off the road and breaks the headlights.

Stuart Wellington

[52:50] There's a better way to do this scene.

[52:53] But I love that after.

[52:54] There's a better way to do every scene in the movie.

[52:57] I mean, I was hoping, because they, you know, they cut to people in the car and they cut to him, like, getting drowsy behind the wheel.

[53:03] And I was really hoping he was going to cut over to her in the passenger side seat, like, looking terrified, but not wanting to say anything.

[53:10] But instead, she did the more terrible thing, which is just go to sleep.

[53:13] Like, who would do that?

[53:15] Yeah.

[53:15] At that point, she's like, well, I'm going to usher myself off to dreamland.

[53:19] I will probably not be able to wake up because I'll have, I'll be crossing the river Styx.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] She's like, you know what?

[53:27] I've accomplished everything I meant to in my life on this trip.

[53:30] And so now I leave myself in the arms of Morpheus to ferry me off to Charon and then Charon to take me to the Elysian Fields.

[53:39] Because at this point, she's like, it's like, what's a movie where someone gracefully commits suicide having finished their work on Earth?

[53:48] Is there one?

[53:49] Alien 3.

[53:51] Yeah.

[53:52] She's just like Sigourney Weaver hurling herself into the pit of fire.

[53:57] Anyway, they go back to it.

[54:00] They stop at a different hotel for the night because they can't get a car.

[54:04] It's too late.

[54:05] Kate Upton has a drink with Badger.

[54:06] So this is a moment where they have sex with William H.

[54:09] William H.

Stuart Wellington

[54:10] And they talk to the manager of the hotel and he, after they had all passed out in the car, and they talk to the manager of the hotel and he's like, oh yeah, and there's a restaurant next door.

[54:20] It closes at 10.

[54:22] And at that point, I'm like, wait a minute.

[54:24] What fucking time do they fall asleep?

[54:26] If they still have time to get dinner, it's before 10?

[54:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:31] I mean, it's on a long car ride, you get drowsy.

[54:33] I understand that.

[54:35] You know what?

[54:35] There's something about the motion of the car, the vibration of the seat underneath you, and the warmth when you're inside a car for a long time that takes us back to the womb.

[54:43] And so in that moment, we've reached that utter place of comfort where we cannot stay awake because we're like, okay, I'm back in the amniotic fluid.

[54:53] This is the safest and most complete I've ever been in my life before I was born.

[54:57] I'm going to catch some Z's.

[54:58] Elliot.

[54:58] See you later.

[54:59] By the way, I drugged your champagne.

Stuart Wellington

[55:00] Elliot, I'd prefer you not do practice pitches for car commercials on our podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[55:09] Now I'd like to do a car commercial where there's a car that's driving a little erratically, and you go inside and everyone in it is asleep, but really comfortably.

[55:19] And it's like, yeah, it's that comfortable.

[55:21] The new town and country.

Dan McCoy

[55:25] Now, the sex scene, though, that happens between Daddario and William H. Hunky, I got to say, other than the fact that Daddario keeps all of her clothes on, I was sort of shocked by how not explicit the sex scene was, but it went on for a while, and they ran through all of the positions, basically.

[55:43] All the jokes that they could do up.

[55:45] During the sex scene.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] I mean, and they're also, it's a very vigorous sex scene.

[55:49] Yeah.

[55:50] I mean.

[55:51] It has none of the graceful languor of, say, a Cinemax softcore sex scene, which usually has a lot more light touching and rose petals.

Stuart Wellington

[55:58] It was a little off-putting because it began, like, the first moment that we realized that this guy's into her, he grabs her boob, which is a little fucked up.

[56:06] Like, come on, dude.

[56:07] Yeah.

[56:08] That was his opening gambit.

Elliott Kalan

[56:10] It was a boob grab.

[56:11] And then he says something like, I'm going to put my mouth on your mouth now, or something, or I'm going to kiss you on the mouth now.

Stuart Wellington

[56:15] He's already, he's already not asking consent, man.

[56:18] Fuck that.

[56:19] But, uh, the, uh, yeah, the sex scene.

[56:22] Now, I was watching, as I said, watching this on a plane.

[56:25] Uh, I, I did not feel uncomfortable watching this on the plane.

[56:28] It was not that explicit.

[56:30] My wife felt much worse while she was watching, forgetting Sarah Marshall and was, uh, reminded, uh, by the amount of pieces she saw in the movie.

[56:40] Um, but yeah, I mean, I, I feel like they, they did their best to play it for goofs.

[56:45] Uh, we get, uh, we get to see shots of this guy's totally jacked bod.

[56:50] That's pretty awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[56:51] Oh, yeah, finally see what all that firefighting has been doing for him.

[56:55] Uh-huh.

[56:55] Yeah.

[56:57] Uh.

[56:57] Anyway, the, uh, so they, uh, she has, she has sex with him, and it's like, uh, the old hallelujah chorus comes in.

[57:05] Call, what's his name, who does that song?

[57:07] Who's the guy?

[57:07] Leonard Cohen?

[57:08] Who's the musician who does that song?

[57:09] Yeah, call Leonard Cohen, because it's hallelujah time.

[57:12] I was like, someone had sex and it changed their life.

[57:14] Handle?

[57:14] Are you talking about handle?

[57:18] Get handle on the phone.

[57:20] Uh, Dan, get used to it.

[57:23] That's not the hallelujah anyone thinks about anymore.

[57:25] Okay.

[57:25] Only the Leonard Cohen one.

[57:27] I, I like to believe Leonard Cohen, when he saw the song hallelujah, when he finished writing it, he went, fuck you, handle.

[57:34] There's a new hallelujah in town.

Stuart Wellington

[57:36] I will say, I think Watchmen would have been a thousand times better if they use handles for shit.

[57:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:41] Just the hallelujah chorus over it.

[57:43] Mm-hmm.

[57:44] I mean, at that point, at least it would have been like an over-the-top joke, which would have been funny.

[57:49] But, was there ever a time when the hallelujah chorus was not used ironically?

[57:53] When it was like, people heard it, they were like, oh yeah, this is an ecstatic, a shout of joy to God.

[57:59] Well, I mean, certainly not in a movie.

Dan McCoy

[58:01] I mean, I've, I've witnessed, I've witnessed the hallelujah chorus.

[58:05] I mean, I've witnessed the whole, what's it called?

[58:08] The, the whole thing?

[58:10] I can't remember.

[58:11] Christmas?

[58:11] Do you know?

[58:11] Later, mouse.

[58:12] Oh boy.

[58:14] You know what I'm talking about.

[58:15] Baby's Day Out?

[58:15] Yeah, I've witnessed the whole Baby's Day Out.

[58:18] And, you know, it's a, you know, on its own, it's still a spiritual kind of experience.

Elliott Kalan

[58:24] You're saying that it's, it's more powerful when seen in, say, either a church or an orchestral setting.

[58:29] Handles Messiah.

Dan McCoy

[58:31] That was what I was trying to think of.

[58:32] Yeah.

[58:32] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[58:34] Oh, that's right.

[58:34] It's called the Messiah.

[58:35] That's right.

[58:36] Anyway, that opens up a whole other can of worms.

[58:38] But anyway, we don't need to talk about Messiahs.

[58:40] But, uh, the, they find out.

[58:42] Okay.

[58:43] So the next morning.

Stuart Wellington

[58:44] William H.

[58:45] Hunky does have Christ-like qualities.

Elliott Kalan

[58:48] In that he has a beard and long hair and women go gaga for him.

[58:53] Yeah.

[58:55] I mean, I wish, now I kind of wish he'd been like, well, I'm a carpenter.

[58:58] And then they just kind of started slowly layering in these different Jesus things about him.

[59:02] I mean, that's basically the bit from the 10, right?

[59:05] He's at the bar.

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] The what?

[59:07] That's basically that bit from the movie The 10 with Justin Theroux where he plays Jesus.

Elliott Kalan

[59:12] Oh, I've never actually seen The 10.

[59:14] That's the one where it's each of the 10 commandments, right?

[59:15] Yeah, yeah.

[59:16] It's, uh, let's say uneven.

[59:18] Okay.

[59:19] Okay.

[59:20] We can say that.

[59:21] Let's say that.

[59:21] Some of it's good.

[59:24] Anyway, the next morning, Alexander Dario's in a great, she's feeling great.

[59:29] It's just like the scene in Thelma Louise, which I recommended in a previous episode,

[59:32] where Gina Davis has just had sex with Brad Pitt.

[59:34] But also like that scene, she finds out that Hunky has escaped after the sexual act.

[59:41] Only he didn't steal her money as Gina Davis's money was stolen.

[59:44] He's stolen Badger's car.

[59:46] But he did leave a note.

[59:48] Upton mentions that that guy was just a, he was just some dumb guy with great eyes

[59:53] and a bent penis.

[59:54] And she goes, how did you know he had a bent penis?

[59:57] Uh-oh.

[59:57] Looks like they both slept with him.

[59:59] A big reveal.

[1:00:01] Yeah.

[1:00:01] Big reveal.

[1:00:02] And he also took Badger's car.

[1:00:05] Alexander Dario.

[1:00:05] Speaking of big reveals, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:07] I was surprised at how large the continental breakfast buffet was in this hotel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:13] It's not even the Sheridan.

[1:00:14] And it's a huge breakfast buffet.

[1:00:16] And yet they destroy it.

[1:00:18] And this is the one scene in the movie I kind of liked, where the two women are just wrecking

[1:00:22] this breakfast.

[1:00:23] But they're just wrecking a hotel lobby fighting with each other.

[1:00:26] And it ends with a bookcase falling on them.

[1:00:28] And I was like, you know what?

[1:00:29] This is getting kind of three stoogesy in a way that's not hellish the way the rest of

[1:00:34] the movie has been.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:35] Well, I mean, the way this movie could have worked is to actually, the fact that they're

[1:00:39] unlikable.

[1:00:40] If they really pumped up the unlikability to absurd levels.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:44] Like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:47] Yeah.

[1:00:47] I mean, like, kind of.

[1:00:48] I mean, if it's a competition.

[1:00:50] Except they're charming in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

[1:00:53] Like, you mean in more of a, like, well, I'm having trouble.

[1:00:58] In more of a Larry David's Sour Grapes type of way.

[1:01:01] Is that what you're saying, Dan?

[1:01:02] That movie you love, Sour Grapes, directed by Larry David?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:04] Like more of a This Means War sort of thing?

[1:01:07] No, not those examples.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:09] Like more of a War of the Roses type of movie?

[1:01:11] Yeah, actually.

[1:01:12] War of the Roses.

[1:01:13] Kramer versus Kramer.

[1:01:13] Could.

[1:01:14] More of a Kramer versus Kramer type comedy?

[1:01:17] Yeah, Stewart has a good point.

[1:01:19] No, but a movie where the characters are hateful, but you're not supposed to like.

[1:01:23] Freddy versus Jason.

[1:01:25] Yes.

[1:01:27] I've noticed that the difference I have.

[1:01:30] So I'm not a huge fan of comedies where the hero is an asshole.

[1:01:34] I do love Steve Coogan's Alan Partridge character, who is an asshole.

[1:01:37] And I think the difference is that you are never asked to like Alan Partridge.

[1:01:41] You feel pity for him at times because his life is so empty.

[1:01:44] Yeah.

[1:01:45] But you're never supposed to like him as a person.

[1:01:47] And so it's like a bad person is funny if you're not supposed to like them.

[1:01:52] But if you're supposed to like them and they're bad, then you're like, no, this is terrible.

[1:01:56] This is not fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:57] Yeah.

[1:01:57] That was one of the disconnects I had between the original British office and initially starting to watch the American version of the office.

[1:02:03] Because I feel like David Brent is so unlikable.

[1:02:07] I think you never are supposed to like him.

[1:02:10] At best, feel pity for him and sympathize with him.

[1:02:13] Yes.

[1:02:13] Steve Carell's character, I don't think ever is, I don't think they ever want you to like think he's that terrible.

[1:02:20] But he is also pretty terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:22] No, he, I mean he's, that's why, that's why when they gained their footing, it was making him a character who is bumbling more than he is.

[1:02:31] Like petty, yeah.

[1:02:32] That like, yeah, David Brent's character is petty and narcissistic and they had to remove that stuff from Michael Scott so that, oh, he's just like incompetent and he wants to be loved so much that he goes overboard.

[1:02:43] Whereas David Brent is like, he's petty, he's egotistical, very shamelessly overt with his atheism in a way that even turns off liberals.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:52] Sure, yeah.

[1:02:53] And his stand-up isn't that very good for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] I have to say, I went to, I saw him live years ago and he was so funny.

[1:03:01] Really?

[1:03:01] And he like, I think he just, it's not his stuff, like he just doesn't have, he seems to have run out of juice, you know, I don't know what it is.

[1:03:09] But I remember seeing him, I saw him live years ago when he was preparing for, I think his first big stand-up special.

[1:03:16] And it was just like a lot of fun to like hear him talk about stuff, but it was a very loose show, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:22] I mean, and stand-up works better live than it does recorded pretty much always.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:26] I disagree.

[1:03:28] I prefer to watch it.

[1:03:29] I hate to see stand-up live.

[1:03:30] I only like to see stand-up through like a cheesecloth screen and I want it to be on a phone that's 50 feet away from me.

[1:03:37] Yeah, yeah.

[1:03:39] I want lots of barriers between me and it.

[1:03:41] Anyway, back to the movie.

[1:03:42] They wreck the lobby and then they find out that wedding that hunky guy had to go to was his wedding.

[1:03:49] What?

[1:03:49] Uh-oh!

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:49] Uh-oh!

[1:03:50] Sideways!

[1:03:52] Guys, we've got a sideways on our hands.

[1:03:54] Oh, man.

[1:03:55] Break out the, what?

[1:03:57] Merlot?

[1:03:57] What the fuck?

[1:03:57] Yeah.

[1:03:57] What the fuck is drinking that shit?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:59] Janine from Ghostbusters hits the button.

[1:04:02] Oh, man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:02] He goes, we got one!

[1:04:04] Real bad problem with the roommate logo ghost.

[1:04:07] Anyway, so cleaning up the town.

[1:04:09] They decide they're going to have to go cleaning up the town.

[1:04:12] They and Badger are going to drive all, no, they leave Badger behind.

[1:04:16] They take a taxi cab, which is going to be, again, hella expensive to take this taxi cab.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:20] And they're able to talk their way free of the charges of destroying this hotel because they play on the hotel proprietor's love of revenge.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:35] And they're going to go to this wedding and they're going to bust it up by revealing that he's a liar and an unfaithful cheat.

[1:04:41] And they get there and they first break into the wrong wedding in a bit that could have been kind of a funny joke.

[1:04:47] But all I kept thinking about was that poor groom who has to explain that he's never seen these women before in his life.

[1:04:53] I mean, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:54] I feel like if his bride is going to do that, is going to call things off right away, she's already got to have suspicions.

[1:05:01] Like, that relationship's on shaky grounds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:04] Good point.

[1:05:05] There is a thing that happens in movies and on TV where it's like, I love you, we've been in a relationship for a long time, but this stranger just told me something that doesn't square with your personality and now I hate you.

[1:05:17] And it's like, wait, what?

[1:05:18] Hold on.

[1:05:19] Like, if a random woman that my wife had never met before walked up to her and was like, I had an affair with your husband, I think at first she would be like, that doesn't sound like Elliot.

[1:05:27] And she would ask me about it.

[1:05:29] Yeah.

[1:05:29] Because it doesn't seem within my character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:31] If your wife walked into the room and somebody was like bending over, like adjusting their shoe strap, but it was behind like a counter, she wouldn't be like, oh my God, Elliot's getting a blowjob from this person.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:43] Well, now you've just indicted noises off and I cannot have that, Stuart.

[1:05:48] Or if I was giving CPR to a woman who has clearly passed out, she wouldn't assume that I was making out with her.

[1:05:54] Because when you're making out with someone, they lie prone on their back with their arms out.

[1:05:58] Yeah, and you pump their chest.

[1:05:59] Not responding in any way and you pump their chest.

[1:06:01] Well, that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:02] When you initially showed your interest in that person romantically, they did a Bazooka Joe backflip and landed on their back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:11] And of course, whereas I could say, no, honey, she choked, I'm giving her CPR.

[1:06:15] Instead, I will say something like, oh, we were rehearsing for a play.

[1:06:18] Because I have to come up with some kind of crazy excuse.

[1:06:21] Yeah, yeah.

[1:06:23] Anyway, they go to the wedding and they're too late to stop it.

[1:06:26] It already went through, but they find out because God loves dramatic justice and dramatic irony that the hunky guy is now married to a total shrew.

[1:06:35] She is real bossy and like super demanding.

[1:06:38] So that's the thing.

[1:06:40] He's like, I've been with her since I was a kid and I've never had women like you.

[1:06:45] This was a guy's dream come true.

[1:06:47] Come on, you got to let me have it.

[1:06:48] And they're like, you know what?

[1:06:49] He's got a worse punishment in store for him.

[1:06:52] Marriage.

[1:06:52] And they walk out, you know, snapping their fingers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:54] So they meet his bride for a moment on one of the most stressful days of her life.

[1:07:02] Because clearly her husband is a fucking piece of shit.

[1:07:06] Yeah.

[1:07:06] And they think, oh, wow, she's super controlling and shitty because she has to probably do everything.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:15] Also, that she was, this guy was away from his fiancee days before their wedding for, he was away from her for two days and he took that opportunity to have sex with two different women.

[1:07:25] It's like, oh, this guy maybe is not such a great guy.

[1:07:28] He might be a piece of garbage.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:29] He almost didn't make it to the wedding.

[1:07:31] Like, I don't know.

[1:07:32] I feel like them, it's just.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:35] I mean, it raises the question for me.

[1:07:37] Where was he?

[1:07:39] Why was he, if it's like three days before his own wedding, why is he half a country away from his fiancee?

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:45] He was doing what everybody does right before their wedding.

[1:07:49] You know, you want to live one last time.

[1:07:51] So you go to visit all the sites in Seattle that remind you of the show Frasier.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:58] I was going to say earlier that my only, I've never been to Seattle, so my only thing to judge it by is Frasier.

[1:08:05] And so when I saw their apartment, I was like, that's bigger than Frasier's apartment.

[1:08:09] And he's a famous radio personality.

[1:08:12] But this movie really ends with a.

[1:08:14] Wait, it's not.

[1:08:15] Go on.

[1:08:16] It's not done yet because first Kate Upton goes to the jeweler's shop and she realizes he's the kind of guy that she wants and she gives him a kiss.

[1:08:24] She repeats a speech that he gave to her about precious and semi-precious stone.

[1:08:29] Because everyone's jobs, as with Daddario's teaching, are only useful in that they provide metaphors you can use for your own life.

[1:08:37] And then at the airport, the girls apologize to each other and they say they're both great.

[1:08:40] They, they say, both of them tell the other how great they are, which we know is not true because they're both jerks.

[1:08:45] They're total assholes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:46] So Dan, Dan, if you were, if you were to, if you were to use your job as a way to come up with a, like a love or life metaphor, what would you say?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:58] I would say something about how everything that you love can become a source of bitterness in your life.

[1:09:08] Oh, that's great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:09] Wow, that would play real well.

[1:09:11] I mean, I was expecting something like.

[1:09:13] It's not really related to the material.

[1:09:14] Like in my case, I'd be like, you know, as a bartender, people always come in and they always want to get the fanciest, most expensive drinks.

[1:09:23] Like if people are drinking tequila, they always go for Patron because it's, it's flashy and expensive, but it's actually not that good of tequila.

[1:09:31] And there's much better, less expensive tequilas you could buy.

[1:09:35] I'm the less expensive tequila in this metaphor.

[1:09:38] Oh, I see.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:39] And here's the way I would do it.

[1:09:40] I would, I would say, Hey, I'm a writer.

[1:09:42] And you know, when you write that first draft, you're like, yeah, this is it.

[1:09:47] Every, this is how it works.

[1:09:49] This is the best.

[1:09:49] And you go back and you reread it and you're like, oh, you know what?

[1:09:52] This isn't as good as I remember it.

[1:09:54] Maybe I need a second draft.

[1:09:56] I'm that second draft.

[1:09:57] And maybe William H.

[1:09:58] Honky was the first draft you thought was going to be perfect, but it's time for the second draft of your life.

[1:10:03] Me, the writer who also owns a jewelry store.

[1:10:07] And, uh, and now I'm going to be your faraway boyfriend because here's how the movie ends.

[1:10:12] Uh, Dario goes back to work.

[1:10:14] Now she's confident.

[1:10:15] Uh, she's impressed when Demarius shows up, the hero of the film returns.

[1:10:19] And for his report on Lord of the flies, he's done his own manga adaptation of Lord of the flies, which unless the assignment was restate the plot of Lord of the flies, then he has not accomplished the assignment.

[1:10:32] But she acts.

[1:10:32] I love it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:33] And I love it when American artists just rip off, uh, like manga styles.

[1:10:38] Like, what does he think he is?

[1:10:40] Like Joe Madaria or something like this.

[1:10:42] Yeah, come on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:45] But, uh, that's, so not only is it an act of cultural appropriation.

[1:10:48] Let's set that aside to Marius.

[1:10:50] But, uh, that he's, it's like, Hey, I did a manga adaptation and she acts.

[1:10:55] I haven't seen her this excited about anything since William H.

[1:10:58] Hunke first sat down on the plane.

[1:10:59] She loves it.

[1:10:59] And she threatens the principal Rob Corddry somehow.

[1:11:03] In a nonspecific way.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:05] Into keeping her job.

[1:11:05] Like Rob Corddry says, like, that sounds like a threat.

[1:11:08] And I'm like, she didn't say anything that sounds like a threat.

[1:11:10] I have no idea how she's like getting her job, uh, security.

[1:11:14] Like nothing she says.

[1:11:16] Like her, her, her, her confidence.

[1:11:18] Like it would have made sense if she just came in and was like, you know what?

[1:11:22] I'm not going to leave.

[1:11:23] Like, if you want me to leave, you got to fire me, but I'm staying on.

[1:11:26] Like that would have made a little sense.

[1:11:28] But otherwise I don't know what's going on in this scene at all.

[1:11:31] It feels like they literally cut out a paragraph in the script that would have like explained everything.

[1:11:38] And they're like, well, this movie is almost 90 minutes.

[1:11:40] It's 91 minutes.

[1:11:42] We got to keep it to a tight 90 minutes.

[1:11:43] And like, and I mean, if you're going to bring in my boy Demarius.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:48] Yeah.

[1:11:48] Then you, you should have had her seem like downcast or dejected before he shows up.

[1:11:54] But like, she seems fine.

[1:11:57] Yeah.

[1:11:58] And then she sees the light of her life.

[1:12:00] Demarius, the one student that she has reached.

[1:12:04] Oh yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] Now, Dan, that makes sense.

[1:12:07] What you're saying makes sense.

[1:12:08] That the movie, like, it was, it just, it doesn't make any sense what happened.

[1:12:11] But yeah, that makes sense.

[1:12:13] But just one more question, Dan.

[1:12:15] I seem to believe that your favorite movie is called Stop Making Sense.

[1:12:19] So excuse me if I'm just a little confused here, but it seems like you used to like it when things stopped making sense.

[1:12:27] And now that this movie has stopped making sense, suddenly you don't like it.

[1:12:31] So maybe I'm wrong.

[1:12:32] Just if you could explain that to me.

[1:12:33] I just have that one question.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:34] Oh, I would, Inspector.

[1:12:35] But I've got a very important charity fundraiser that I must go to.

[1:12:39] I'm the keynote speaker, of course, tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:43] Oh, that makes sense.

[1:12:44] That makes sense.

[1:12:45] You know, Mrs. Columbo, she's making parmesan, chicken parmesan, too, for dinner.

[1:12:49] So I should get back to that.

[1:12:50] Just one more question.

[1:12:51] Didn't you kill that guy?

[1:12:53] Yes.

[1:12:53] Oh, Jesus.

[1:12:55] Take him away, boys.

[1:12:56] He fell into my intricate trap.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:58] There's a bit more Stallone in that Columbo than I suspected.

[1:13:01] A little more.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:02] Well, that was Sylvester Stallone in Columbo, the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:06] Yeah, you got to make it bigger for this.

[1:13:08] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:08] Well, that makes sense.

[1:13:10] That makes sense.

[1:13:10] So just one more thing.

[1:13:12] That's how we would do it.

[1:13:15] Interesting casting.

[1:13:15] Just one more question.

[1:13:17] One more question, Sarge.

[1:13:18] Do we get to win this time?

[1:13:22] Actually, I would see that movie in a heartbeat.

[1:13:25] Columbo, the movie starring Sylvester Stallone.

[1:13:26] And here's the thing I would say.

[1:13:28] Movie makers, don't make it an action movie.

[1:13:31] When you've cast Sylvester Stallone, you'll be like, oh, there should be like a car crash

[1:13:33] or a gunfight or something.

[1:13:35] No, no, no.

[1:13:35] You just take an actual episode of Columbo, extend it to two hour length with extra scenes,

[1:13:42] cast Sylvester Stallone in it.

[1:13:43] And you know what?

[1:13:44] Use digital technology to insert him Forrest Gump style into the original episode.

[1:13:48] I think that's great.

[1:13:49] That I would see in an instant.

[1:13:50] I would pay $40 a ticket for that.

[1:13:51] Now, would that be called Stallonebo or Calambo?

[1:13:55] It would be called Carambo.

[1:13:59] Yeah.

[1:14:00] Okay.

[1:14:01] So we get to the, that's Alexander Daddario's epilogue is she's confident she keeps her job.

[1:14:06] Kate Upton is studying for, I guess, a business degree.

[1:14:08] And she's telecommuting, dating the jeweler guy.

[1:14:12] She's going to see him in a couple days.

[1:14:13] And the two friends go back to watching The Bachelor together.

[1:14:17] The end of the layover.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:19] Yeah.

[1:14:19] I got to say, Elliot, now this is a line I think that, I think that you have used before

[1:14:25] and I stole from you.

[1:14:26] But I texted you to say that this is the least amount of movie that something can be that

[1:14:30] is legally a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:31] Because.

[1:14:32] I don't remember saying that, but it sure sounds like me.

[1:14:34] But I probably stole it from Mystery Science Theater.

[1:14:35] I mean.

[1:14:37] So, like.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:39] So little happens.

[1:14:40] It's just a fight between two women over this guy.

[1:14:43] And then at the end of the movie, when they could break up the wedding, they just kind

[1:14:48] of say like, oh, fuck it.

[1:14:50] Like, we've traveled all the way here via the world's most expensive taxi cab.

[1:14:56] And they're like, you know what?

[1:14:58] I don't have the energy.

[1:15:00] I mean, I guess we learned a lesson.

[1:15:03] I mean.

[1:15:03] The movie ends.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:03] They go from Seattle to St. Louis to Fort Lickerdale back to Seattle.

[1:15:09] I mean, what more can you ask for a movie?

[1:15:10] What more do you want in a movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:12] Dan, there are James Bond movies where he travels less than they do in this movie.

[1:15:16] And yet, you're right.

[1:15:17] So, it feels like they shot the outline of a movie.

[1:15:20] Where they're like, the screenwriter was like, I'll fill in all this stuff later.

[1:15:24] And William H. Macy was like, no, no, it's good.

[1:15:25] We'll do it right now.

[1:15:26] Yeah.

[1:15:27] And then the writer was like, no.

[1:15:29] Or more accurately, the writer was like, yes, and take my name off the finished film.

[1:15:33] Yeah.

[1:15:33] Pay me, though.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:34] This is a thing.

[1:15:35] I mean, Elliot knows that when we worked at The Daily Show, often if we didn't have time,

[1:15:42] like we work under very tight deadlines.

[1:15:44] And often we didn't have time with the first draft to put in a joke for something.

[1:15:48] And so, we just put joke TK.

[1:15:50] And it feels like the whole screenplay was just joke TK, joke TK, joke TK.

[1:15:54] And they never went back and filled anything in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:57] I wonder if they were like, they're like, we're going to hire the best improvisers and they're

[1:16:01] going to do this movie.

[1:16:02] We couldn't get the best improvisers.

[1:16:04] We got Alexander Daddario and Kate Upton and this other guy who looks kind of like Jesus,

[1:16:08] hunky, William H. Macy type.

[1:16:10] All right.

[1:16:11] Well, I'm not going to write anything for them.

[1:16:12] So, let's just try it.

[1:16:13] Like, if you told me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:14] And you think they were like, William, I know you keep offering to play the role, but we

[1:16:19] hired an actor to play the hunky guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:21] Like, we cast a man who's more age appropriate for these two, for these two actresses.

[1:16:26] And he's like, Woody Allen gets to do it.

[1:16:28] Why don't I?

[1:16:29] Blah, blah, blah.

[1:16:30] But the, it does feel like they, like, if you told me this whole movie was improvised, I'd

[1:16:36] be like, oh, okay.

[1:16:36] It's not very good, but I could see that.

[1:16:38] Like, there's no jokes.

[1:16:39] There's not good.

[1:16:40] There's no memorable lines in it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:42] And the scenes kind of, some scenes just, like, peter off.

[1:16:46] Like, they don't really have an ending.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:48] Yeah.

[1:16:48] Let's speed through our final judgments, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[1:16:52] or a movie we kind of liked.

[1:16:54] I think it's pretty clear that I think it was a bad, bad movie.

[1:16:58] There's a certain lightness to it.

[1:17:00] I mean, like, it disappears.

[1:17:03] Yeah, because there's nothing there.

[1:17:04] Yeah, it disappears from your brain as you watch it.

[1:17:06] And so, I didn't hate it the way I hate some movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:09] Although, from the way you talked about it, it sounds like you kind of white-

[1:17:12] knuckled it the whole time, because you're like,

Dan McCoy

[1:17:13] why do they keep spending money they don't have?

[1:17:15] That's true.

[1:17:16] There were several sources.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:17] Why are they getting to the airport on time?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:20] Yeah, they broke up that other person's wedding.

[1:17:22] That's horrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:23] Yeah, there are a lot of things.

[1:17:24] But it is, this is like, it's like the movie equivalent of

[1:17:27] when someone who is not a good bartender pours you a beer,

[1:17:30] and it's nothing but foam.

[1:17:32] Yeah.

[1:17:32] And you're like, oh, okay, I had to dig through, like,

[1:17:34] three inches of foam to get to, like, just a tiny bit of beer.

[1:17:37] That's this movie.

[1:17:38] Except there's no beer at the bottom.

[1:17:39] And you're in an alleyway, and a hobo is throwing peanut shells at you.

[1:17:42] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:44] That common thing.

[1:17:47] Yeah, that-

[1:17:47] We've all been there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:48] Yeah, we can all relate to that.

[1:17:50] Yeah, this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:17:53] Bad, bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:55] So, we should move on to our second pledge break.

[1:17:59] I mean, the first one wasn't really, like, a big pledge break.

[1:18:01] It was just kind of an informational-

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:03] Dan, Dan, don't eat it.

[1:18:05] Just get to the pledge break.

[1:18:06] We'll do the self-evaluations afterwards.

[1:18:08] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:10] So, listen, as we said before, the podcasts on the MaxFun Network are listener-supported.

[1:18:17] And, I don't know, we went over this last week, so I don't know how much we need to repitch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:23] Well, one, Dan, that it was last week for us, but it'll be two weeks in between for the listener.

[1:18:28] So, let's get that straight, too.

[1:18:29] How about-

[1:18:30] Let me-

[1:18:30] So, let me just say-

[1:18:31] We only do this once a year.

[1:18:33] We only do this once a year.

[1:18:34] Yeah.

[1:18:35] It's possible that people don't remember that if you go to MaximumFun.org slash donate, you can choose a monthly pledge amount to donate.

[1:18:41] You'll automatically donate the same amount per month from your credit card or whatever, or bank account, or whatever you have set up for.

[1:18:47] Once you set it up once, you don't have to worry about setting it up again.

[1:18:49] It's that good.

[1:18:50] And you can choose the shows that you want the money to go to.

[1:18:53] So, you don't have to worry, oh, is this just going to go to some faceless MaximumFun overlord

[1:18:57] who takes all the money?

[1:18:58] Well, his name is Jesse Thorne.

[1:18:59] He has a face, but it's hidden under a very big beard.

[1:19:01] So, I understand why you think he's faceless.

[1:19:04] But, and he's a nice guy.

[1:19:05] But he doesn't take all the money.

[1:19:06] The money goes, the vast majority of it, to the shows.

[1:19:09] And it's super helpful to us.

[1:19:10] We talked in the last episode about how this money has really helped us to carve out extra time for the Flophouse and really keep it going.

[1:19:18] That for some of us who don't have the most regular income at the moment, it's a real boon and super helpful.

[1:19:26] And, but you don't just get the glowy feeling of contributing to making the lives of artists whose work you like better.

[1:19:33] Although you will do that.

[1:19:34] And every time you listen to a Flophouse episode, you'll be like, I contributed a little bit to that.

[1:19:38] Like, I feel good now.

[1:19:39] I should have no guilt over this.

[1:19:42] You'll have guilt over other things because we're all sinners, all of us.

[1:19:44] And it's a fallen world that we live in.

[1:19:46] But that's besides the point.

[1:19:47] Assuage some of that guilt by donating to Maximum Fun.

[1:19:50] Now, there are things that you get.

[1:19:52] What I was going to say is you don't just get that fuzzy feeling.

[1:19:54] You also get gifts.

[1:19:56] Exclusive stuff that you only get for donating at different amounts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:59] If you're a first-time donor or an upgrading donor, you get access to some thank you gifts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:04] Even if you're already a donor, you can upgrade your amount to a little bit more per month.

[1:20:08] You'll never even notice it.

[1:20:09] Come on.

[1:20:09] Have one less big pretzel.

[1:20:13] Or something like that.

[1:20:14] We've been meaning to talk about your big pretzel habit.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:17] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:18] Yeah.

[1:20:19] You've been having too many of those big pretzels.

[1:20:21] They're not that good for you.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:22] I don't like the way every weekend you're going out to the airport and Auntie M's or whatever they're called.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:30] Auntie M's?

[1:20:32] Auntie M's.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:32] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:33] Auntie M's.

[1:20:34] Auntie M is from The Wizard of Oz.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:36] I don't like how you're making Auntie M from The Wizard of Oz bake you a pretzel every week.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:40] Do you think?

[1:20:41] She's already dealing with the fact that her niece, Dorothy, has disappeared.

[1:20:45] Perhaps run away with Professor Marvel, the noted super serial killer and carnival freak.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:50] Do you think Peter Parker ever calls Aunt May Auntie M because M is short for May?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:56] Oh.

[1:20:56] I think he probably did at some point.

[1:20:58] Maybe.

[1:20:58] Well, somebody write in and tell us that.

[1:21:01] Coming back to the...

[1:21:02] Yeah.

[1:21:02] So anyway, big pretzels.

[1:21:03] Stop going to Yankee Stadium just to get those big pretzels.

[1:21:06] Dan, tell them what they can get.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:08] So donor gifts.

[1:21:09] If you donate at the $5 per month level, you get exclusive bonus content.

[1:21:14] That's...

[1:21:15] There's hours and hours and hours of extra shows from all of the podcasts at MaxFun.

[1:21:22] The whole network.

[1:21:23] Yeah.

[1:21:23] Including several hours of Flophouse content that you can't get if you're not a donor.

[1:21:30] It's behind the donor paywall.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:32] And we're in the middle of producing...

[1:21:35] We should have the first one up now already, but we're putting out three two-hour-ish...

[1:21:42] I can't make that promise, but three episodes that are going up.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:46] Yeah.

[1:21:46] We don't know right now.

[1:21:48] We're having some technical difficulties with one of the episodes, but it should be resolved.

[1:21:53] At the $10 per month level, you get an exclusive enamel pin designed by Megan Lynn Cott.

[1:21:59] Now, you may remember that there were enamel pins, I think, two years ago, or was it last year?

[1:22:03] Last year.

[1:22:05] They were very beloved by listeners, and there's an all-new design featuring, for us, Nicolas Cage.

[1:22:13] So you can pick that up for $10 a month.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:15] The raging Cajun himself.

[1:22:16] And the first person who gets one of those pins and then wears it while getting their picture taken with Nicolas Cage

[1:22:21] will get one high-five from me.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] Yeah.

[1:22:26] The listener has to pay to fly Stuart out for the high-five, though.

[1:22:29] Yeah, yeah, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:31] That reminds me...

[1:22:32] Do you guys remember...

[1:22:33] Sorry, this is a stupid tangent.

[1:22:34] Sure.

[1:22:34] Do you guys remember when the movie The Man Who Knew Too Little came out,

[1:22:37] and Bill Murray did a commercial where he said,

[1:22:39] if you see my movie The Man Who Knew Too Little and you don't like it, I'll give you a refund.

[1:22:43] Just tell me in person.

[1:22:44] And the commercial ended with him getting on a speedboat and driving away,

[1:22:48] with the implication being that you'll never find him.

[1:22:51] And that was before Bill Murray started crashing every wedding or bar or whatever

[1:22:57] and inserting himself into people's lives.

[1:22:59] Anyway, Dan, so that's $5 a month, exclusive bonus content.

[1:23:02] $10 a month, that beautiful Nicolas Cage flop house pin.

[1:23:05] Don't tell Nicolas Cage because he has probably legal rights over his likeness.

[1:23:08] Dan, what do you get at $20?

Dan McCoy

[1:23:09] At $20 per month, you get the MaxFun Family Cookbook.

[1:23:12] Now, this is curated for you by all the MaxFun hosts.

[1:23:16] Well, maybe not all of them.

[1:23:17] The ones who had enough time to send in information.

[1:23:20] But it includes a...

[1:23:21] Me, me.

[1:23:22] It was me.

[1:23:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:22] This book contains dozens of recipes from cocktails to desserts and everything in between.

[1:23:28] Elliot, you know, contributed a recipe to this.

[1:23:30] So if you want to hear how Elliot Kalen with the flop house eats,

[1:23:34] then this is your chance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:36] Nestle.

[1:23:36] I mean, they've heard about the Popeyes part, but now know what I cook at home.

[1:23:40] Dan mentioned that if you want to hear about it, that's incorrect.

[1:23:42] It's a book.

[1:23:43] So if you want to read about it, it's...

[1:23:47] I just want to make sure people know that it's not a magic book like Penny had in Inspector Gadget,

[1:23:52] where if you open it up, it's going to tell you out loud what was going on.

[1:23:55] You will have to read.

[1:23:56] So if you can't read, please do learn.

[1:23:58] Literacy is a gift that never stops giving.

[1:24:00] As John Adams once said, you're never alone with a poet in your pocket.

[1:24:04] Dan, continue.

[1:24:05] What do you get at $35?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:06] At $35 per month, you get a one liter juice carafe.

[1:24:09] Now it's called a juice carafe.

[1:24:11] You can put whatever liquid you want in there.

[1:24:12] I'm not going to tell on you.

[1:24:14] And it's got the MaxFun logo on the side.

[1:24:19] And so for any beverage you want to display...

[1:24:21] Which is a rocket.

[1:24:22] It's a cool looking logo.

[1:24:24] Yeah.

[1:24:24] If you want to display your beverage in style, then get this carafe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:29] Yeah, yeah.

[1:24:29] And you can tell people it's a rocket from MaxFun logo or that it's the rocket logo from the

[1:24:35] space line of Legos that came out years ago.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:38] Whatever.

[1:24:39] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:39] Those were great.

[1:24:40] There are other gifts at even higher levels.

[1:24:44] We're not really going to get into that right now.

[1:24:45] You can go to MaximumFun.org slash donate to see the higher level gifts if you are a person

[1:24:53] of wealth who wants to really contribute to the podcast that you love.

[1:25:00] But yeah, those are the great gifts that you can get from donating.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:04] And here's how you get them.

[1:25:05] Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[1:25:07] You're going to choose your membership level, how much a month you want to do.

[1:25:10] You'll put in your credit card information.

[1:25:12] And then you're a member.

[1:25:13] And then select the shows that you want the money to go to.

[1:25:16] And then that's it.

[1:25:17] That's all you have to do.

[1:25:18] And so here's what I'm going to tell you.

[1:25:19] I think you should do it right now.

[1:25:22] If you're a current member, go and upgrade right now too.

[1:25:25] But especially if you're not a member, go do it right now before you forget.

[1:25:29] And you have to do it this weekend when this episode comes out because the drive is ending soon.

[1:25:33] And thanks again, guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:34] So don't put it off.

[1:25:35] Yeah, thanks again for listening.

[1:25:36] That's one of the most important things.

[1:25:38] And thank you, Stuart, for reminding us that we love our listeners.

[1:25:43] I will.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:45] Nope.

[1:25:45] Dan and Stuart feel very close to their listeners.

[1:25:48] And they really love them.

[1:25:49] And they feel a sense of belonging.

[1:25:52] And I think the satisfaction, more than the satisfaction of material goods.

[1:25:55] Dan and Stuart, from getting the attention of their listeners, they get the satisfaction of having been heard.

[1:26:00] And having been listened to.

[1:26:01] And having had reached out and kind of touched and made contact with another human being.

[1:26:07] And being a part of their life, even if Dan and Stuart don't know that person, it enriches their lives to know that they have become a part of someone else's life.

[1:26:14] And they do this podcast.

[1:26:16] And it really just, it helps them.

[1:26:18] It warms their heart to know that they are making that connection.

[1:26:20] Me, I'm in it for the bucks.

[1:26:22] Bringing the money.

[1:26:24] Making paper.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:24] Ten years ago, when Dan showed up in your apartment and said, Elliot, I'd like to talk to you about the Flophouse Initiative.

[1:26:32] You were like, only if they pay me well.

[1:26:35] I said, Dan, two words.

[1:26:37] Cha-ching?

[1:26:38] Question mark?

[1:26:38] And he's like, is cha a word?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:40] Is that, I don't.

[1:26:42] And I was like, well, it's a sound effect.

[1:26:44] It's onomatopoeia.

[1:26:45] Anyway, when can we start getting paid for this?

[1:26:46] And Dan said, in about eight years.

[1:26:49] And I said, all right, that sounds good.

[1:26:52] So anyway, we do want to thank you so much for listening and for listening to this pledge commercial.

[1:26:57] You can show your appreciation in two ways.

[1:27:00] By continuing to listen and also by upgrading your membership or becoming a new member.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:06] Moving on.

[1:27:07] Let's talk letters.

[1:27:09] Letters from listeners.

[1:27:10] Listeners like you.

[1:27:12] So we've got a few great letters here.

[1:27:16] The first one.

[1:27:18] Dan said we had a few great letters.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:20] And I can't wait to hear these few great letters.

[1:27:23] But because he quantified how many great letters there are, it leads me to believe that there's a few not so great letters.

[1:27:32] There's a few great letters and then a whole lot of not great letters.

[1:27:36] So I'm saying this to our letter writers out there across the nation.

[1:27:41] Up your game.

[1:27:42] Get us some better letters.

[1:27:44] Because we've only got a few great letters.

[1:27:47] And because everything can be better.

[1:27:49] Except your letters.

[1:27:50] They're already great.

[1:27:51] Thanks, everybody.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:52] Okay.

[1:27:52] Well, Stuart took that opportunity to go pee.

[1:27:54] So I guess we need to vamp a little bit while he completes his, you know, like the liquid leaves his bladder and goes to its final resting place.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:07] Hey, everybody.

[1:28:08] I'll tell you a story about a drop of liquid that was inside Stuart.

[1:28:13] How did it get in there?

[1:28:14] Your guess is as good as mine.

[1:28:16] Probably in a beer or a glass of water.

[1:28:19] Now, first, that liquid went in through his mouth.

[1:28:21] I'm glad that you didn't go with wine, which would have actually been a rhyme.

[1:28:23] And then you know that it.

[1:28:24] Nothing.

[1:28:25] I don't.

[1:28:26] But it wouldn't have been true.

[1:28:27] So, excuse me.

[1:28:28] You said that while interrupting probably the one rhyme I'm going to have in the whole thing.

[1:28:32] I'm sorry.

[1:28:32] It started by going into Stuart's mouth.

[1:28:35] And then that liquid said, hey, I think I'll head down south.

[1:28:38] Down through his throat to his stomach until his intestines became the place that it went.

[1:28:44] And then, of course, there's the bladder and the kidneys.

[1:28:48] I don't know which order the liquid went through.

[1:28:50] But it checked off all of its bucket list ops on the inside of Stuart.

[1:28:55] Kidneys, bladder, urethra.

[1:28:57] Then out.

[1:28:58] Suddenly it was free.

[1:28:59] Free of that prison.

[1:29:01] Free of that jail called Stuart's body.

[1:29:04] The liquid was out.

[1:29:05] And Stuart would shout, hey, I don't have to pee anymore.

[1:29:09] And the liquid would shout, hey, thanks.

[1:29:11] I'm on my way.

[1:29:13] Just close the bathroom door.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:16] So that killed a little time.

[1:29:18] And Stuart's back.

[1:29:20] And everybody's worse off for having heard it.

[1:29:23] When's the letter song going to start?

[1:29:25] No, no, no.

[1:29:27] So this, I.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:29] It's starting right now.

[1:29:30] That's right.

[1:29:31] It's a letter song triple feature.

[1:29:34] And this is the big one climactic song.

[1:29:37] A big anthem stadium song.

[1:29:39] That's going to get your blood pumping.

[1:29:41] Get you all jumping.

[1:29:42] Onto your feet, let's jump to the beat of this letter song finale of the letter song triple feature.

[1:29:49] Three letter songs.

[1:29:53] Technically, one of those songs was about Stuart P.

[1:29:56] And so here's the middle song that I didn't put in.

[1:30:00] It was a song about Stuart P, which is not a letter song.

[1:30:03] But now we got our second song.

[1:30:05] But it's the third that you'll hear.

[1:30:07] And the fourth overall.

[1:30:09] Guess we got a lot of songs today.

[1:30:12] Thanks.

[1:30:13] I apologize, guys.

[1:30:14] I usually.

[1:30:15] Secret surprise letter song.

[1:30:18] Now there's a surprise letter song.

[1:30:20] Sneak attack.

[1:30:21] Okay.

[1:30:22] I apologize.

[1:30:23] See, what I'm doing again is I'm the Kato to your Inspector Clouseau.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:27] And you never know when a song's going to hit.

[1:30:29] Yeah.

[1:30:30] Well, thanks.

[1:30:31] It's keeping my instinct sharp.

[1:30:34] I apologize, guys.

[1:30:35] I usually send you the questions ahead of time.

[1:30:38] I forgot to do it this time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:40] Usually is an overstatement.

[1:30:41] I would say 75% of the time.

[1:30:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:43] So apologies to the listeners if we don't come up with great answers.

[1:30:48] Because.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:49] Unlike normally when our answers are really great.

[1:30:51] Yeah.

[1:30:52] Or really just spot on with citations and things like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:56] This one's from Glenn, last name withheld.

[1:30:58] Danzig.

[1:30:59] Or Glenda.

[1:31:00] Who writes.

[1:31:03] Recently I was watching Logan.

[1:31:04] Which is a good, great film.

[1:31:06] Still Glenn Danzig, I think.

[1:31:08] Toward.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:09] I think it was Glenn Danzig, you're right.

[1:31:11] Wouldn't you think it would be better if I was playing the role of Wolverine?

[1:31:14] Yours in love, Glenn Danzig.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:16] Toward the end of the movie, there were a series of scenes where Logan keeps fainting.

[1:31:20] He must faint about five times in a row.

[1:31:22] Around the third or fourth time he fainted, I started to wonder how you guys would describe

[1:31:26] the sequence on an episode.

[1:31:28] So my question is this.

[1:31:29] What genuinely great movies do you feel would suit a Flophouse episode?

[1:31:33] Are there any great movies that when you saw them, you thought that would make a great

[1:31:36] episode of the Flophouse because they were still a little bit ridiculous?

[1:31:39] Love your work on my favorite podcast.

[1:31:41] All the best.

[1:31:41] Glenn, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:45] Guys, I'm going to pull back the curtain a little bit on the grim secret of movie complaining,

[1:31:50] which is you can make fun of any movie.

[1:31:53] What?

[1:31:53] Even good ones.

[1:31:55] Because people are jerks and they'll make fun of anything.

[1:31:58] There's a moment in the Mystery Science Theater episode, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank,

[1:32:02] which is a great episode, Ralph Julia is in the movie, where a character is watching

[1:32:05] Casablanca and Tom Servo makes fun of the opening title music of Casablanca.

[1:32:10] And in that moment, it was like a spell was broken over me.

[1:32:12] And I was like, oh, wait a minute.

[1:32:14] You can make fun of any movie.

[1:32:16] Oh, okay.

[1:32:17] And like making fun of movies was never quite as pure to me as in that moment.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:21] Yeah, I think that for me, if we weren't going to do a bad movie, it would be a movie that

[1:32:30] I genuinely loved a lot and had a, I was kind of like a nerd about because I feel like that

[1:32:37] passion translates, you know, like the things that you love the most are the things that

[1:32:42] you can find fault with the most too.

[1:32:44] So something like a good Star Wars movie, I would have a lot of opinions about.

[1:32:50] I mean, like Star Wars Minute is based on that pretty much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:55] Well, the fact that like that, I mean, Star Wars Minute is a podcast I love and I like that

[1:32:59] and those guys are great and I've enjoyed being on it when we're on it.

[1:33:02] But there is a part of me that's like, so you're showing your love of these characters

[1:33:05] in their world by ripping it apart minute by minute and like making fun of it minute by

[1:33:11] like it's, it's weird that we seem to live in a place right now where I guess nerds have

[1:33:15] always been like this.

[1:33:16] I feel like I have been where it's like you show your appreciation for something by enumerating

[1:33:21] its faults and talking about why it's not good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:24] Well, I mean, I think that's a way of like, I feel like the way people interact with media

[1:33:30] often is like, how can I interact with this from a distance and think about it in like logical

[1:33:37] terms as opposed to on a strictly as like as an intellectual as opposed to on an emotional

[1:33:43] level.

[1:33:45] Yeah.

[1:33:45] Like it's, it's easier to do that than to be like, no, I just love this thing because it

[1:33:49] makes me happy.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:50] I think, I mean, like I, I, I think that there's a way of doing it that's not mean spirited to

[1:33:56] to like come on like to with a laugh, acknowledge that something doesn't make sense in the movie

[1:34:03] that you like, you know, like I don't remember whether we were talking about it before we

[1:34:09] started recording or it was during the thing, but I'm rewatching all of the Marvel movies

[1:34:15] as is Stewart.

[1:34:16] We already talked about it.

[1:34:18] Okay.

[1:34:19] Uh, yeah, they heard about it.

[1:34:21] It just like at the beginning of Avengers or like, like the middle of Avengers, whenever,

[1:34:26] like when Thor shows up, it's like, hold on, you destroyed the Bifrost in the other movie

[1:34:32] and there was a big deal about how you couldn't get back to earth to see Natalie Portman.

[1:34:37] And this was like this huge, seems like a crazy choice in the long run.

[1:34:42] Yeah.

[1:34:42] And then like Thor just comes back to earth and it's never quite explained why.

[1:34:47] And like decisions like that, I think are kind of fun to just, you know, it's like, it's

[1:34:54] the same kind of like joy that you get, like chatting about a movie with your friends.

[1:34:58] Like, you know, you can love a thing while coming up with like the inconsistencies and

[1:35:03] stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:04] That's very true.

[1:35:05] So I think what I would say is a league of their own.

[1:35:08] And I would, which is a movie that I think is a, it's a very good movie.

[1:35:12] And I'll watch it anytime it's on, but there's a lot of things in it.

[1:35:14] They're kind of goofy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:15] Yeah.

[1:35:16] Yeah.

[1:35:16] I mean like a movie that I think is actually great.

[1:35:19] Like Prometheus would be super fun to talk about on the podcast.

[1:35:24] Yeah.

[1:35:25] There's a ton of dumb shit, but that doesn't make it any less.

[1:35:28] I don't think it makes it any less good of a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:30] Yeah.

[1:35:33] So moving on, this one is from Natalie, last name withheld.

[1:35:38] Who writes.

[1:35:39] Portman.

[1:35:40] Wow.

[1:35:41] What a coincidence.

[1:35:42] Star of Annihilation.

[1:35:43] The movie I just saw yesterday.

[1:35:45] This one says, at the time of me writing this, Quad Cinema is doing a retrospective of Al Pacino

[1:35:51] films.

[1:35:52] I saw Dick Tracy last Sunday and hope to see a few more films throughout the series.

[1:35:56] It ends on March 30th.

[1:35:58] So it's probably over by the time you read this letter.

[1:36:00] Anyway, there's one glaring omission from the series, in my opinion.

[1:36:04] Jack and Jill.

[1:36:05] I have to say, Jack and Jill was a movie I kind of liked.

[1:36:09] I have fond memories of watching Jack and Jill on TV with my mom one Sunday.

[1:36:14] It was probably the hardest we laughed while watching a movie together.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:16] I can't believe fucking Armin White wrote a fucking letter to us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:22] Anyway, Toy Story is terrible.

[1:36:23] Love Armin White.

[1:36:24] Right.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:25] Anyway, Al Pacino plays himself and he's really going for it, despite it being an Adam Sandler

[1:36:29] movie.

[1:36:30] It's a cash grab performance, but boy does he grab it.

[1:36:33] It's one of his hoo-ha performances, obviously.

[1:36:36] Should really bold, out-there performances and bad movies be included in film retrospectives?

[1:36:40] I think, why not?

[1:36:41] It would definitely spice things up a bit.

[1:36:44] What not-so-prestigious, dare I say, bad movie would you include in a similar venerable film

[1:36:49] actor's retrospective?

[1:36:51] Or film director, if you can't think of an actor?

[1:36:54] Thanks for the show.

[1:36:54] Okay, bye!

[1:36:56] Natalie, last name with help.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:58] Natalie, I'm going to disagree a little bit and say that I think Al Pacino did not see

[1:37:01] Jack and Jill as a cash grab and instead was probably excited to do a comedy and to be

[1:37:06] able to play himself as a crazy person, since he doesn't really get to do that.

[1:37:11] I mean, since, like, what's the last Al Pacino comedy we can think of?

[1:37:15] Like, Scent of a Woman, maybe?

[1:37:17] Have there been any between that and Jack and Jill?

[1:37:19] Uh, yeah, I don't know.

[1:37:22] I don't know.

[1:37:23] And I assume what he's doing as a cash grab is his contract with HBO, where seemingly he

[1:37:28] has to play every monster in recent American history, because he's got Paterno coming out.

[1:37:33] He did Phil Spector.

[1:37:34] He did Kevorkian.

[1:37:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:37] Man, in that Pacino retrospective, I'd really like to watch Any Given Sunday again, because

[1:37:42] he's just fucking nuts in that thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:46] I think it's, if there's something that's different about the role that they're doing, I think it

[1:37:51] is worth putting something bad in that they're, that it shows a different side of their performing.

[1:37:57] Like, if it's a retrospective of actors that are known for drama, you could throw their

[1:38:01] one comedy in.

[1:38:02] Or if it's like...

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:03] I'd, I'd, I'd, the, one of the ones that comes to mind is, uh, Striptease is not a good

[1:38:07] movie, but I think Burt Reynolds is pretty fun in it.

[1:38:10] Like, he's a pretty fun, gross creep.

[1:38:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:14] That's a good pick.

[1:38:15] Um, I'm having trouble...

[1:38:17] A Burt Reynolds retrospective would be kind of, it'd be, that could be kind of fun, because

[1:38:21] you'd have, like, you'd have, like, uh, like, Striptease, Boogie Nights, and then,

[1:38:26] like, Stroker Ace, or, like, Hooper, or, like, one of the, like, just to show his

[1:38:30] career went in such, yeah, like, or Sharky's machine, like, that his career went in, like,

[1:38:37] a bunch of different directions.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:38] I, and I'm, I'm pretty excited about his new, uh, his new movie that's coming out, directed

[1:38:43] by Adam Rifkin of Invisible Maniac fame.

[1:38:48] Oh, I don't know this movie.

[1:38:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:49] It's called The Invisible Reynolds.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:50] It's called, uh, it's called The Last Movie Star, where he plays an aging movie star,

[1:38:54] not unlike himself.

[1:38:56] Huh.

[1:38:56] Oh.

[1:38:57] It's been getting good reviews.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:59] Uh, I'm having a hard time thinking of a good movie with an extravagant performance

[1:39:03] that I would like to, or, I'm sorry, a bad movie with an extravagant performance that's

[1:39:06] good, uh, that I want to see in a retrospective, uh, although I know that there are some.

[1:39:14] What keeps coming to mind, even though it's not appropriate for this question, is it, for

[1:39:19] the inevitable Chris Klein retrospective, I would like to see him in, uh, Street Fighter,

[1:39:24] or the legend of Chun-Li, uh, cause his performance in that is so extravagant and crazy.

[1:39:30] Yeah, he's great in that.

[1:39:31] Like, people just need to watch that movie just for Chris Klein.

[1:39:35] He's amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:35] I mean, like, I feel like Rutger Hauer has, I mean, once again, he's, he's put in a bunch

[1:39:40] of weird performances, uh, intermingled with, uh, total cash grab performances.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:47] You could have a really interesting Udo Kier retrospective, where it's like, just any, like,

[1:39:52] all sorts of weird movies that he was in, but also, like, some of the bigger name movies

[1:39:57] he was in.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:57] Yeah, that would be great.

[1:39:58] If we're just playing the numbers, like, just based on how much work he does, I bet Eric

[1:40:02] Roberts has a great performance in a shitty film somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:06] I mean, most of what we've watched have been bad performances in shitty films, but I don't

[1:40:11] know.

[1:40:12] Yeah.

[1:40:13] Yeah, he's great.

[1:40:14] Actually, that's, you know what?

[1:40:15] If there was an Udo Kier retrospective, I would make sure to, that I am curating for some

[1:40:20] reason.

[1:40:20] I would make sure to put in The Forbidden Room, which has, he's just in it, in the part

[1:40:25] where there's a spark song about a man who is so obsessed with butts that he has to keep

[1:40:30] going to a surgeon to remove parts of his brain to try to remove this obsession.

[1:40:34] And Udo Kier is that guy, and it's a very weird, he has no lines of dialogue in it, but

[1:40:38] it's a very weird pantomime performance.

[1:40:41] Would you include...

[1:40:42] In a great movie, though.

[1:40:43] That's a great movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:43] Would you include End of Days, the movie where he gets cuckolded by the devil?

[1:40:48] Sure, yeah.

[1:40:50] And Johnny Mnemonic, which I think he's only in one scene of, right?

[1:40:53] I mean, I think, like, there's a bunch of people that are in only one scene of...

[1:40:56] I mean, I feel like that's part of making an Udo Kier retrospective, is that there's a

[1:41:01] lot of movies that he's in only one scene.

[1:41:04] Like, we need a creepy European doctor or businessman type.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:10] Like, you show all of Grindhouse just for that one moment that he's in the cast in the trailer

[1:41:15] for that werewolf movie?

[1:41:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:18] Yeah.

[1:41:19] So, moving on.

[1:41:21] This last letter is from Alana, last name withheld, and she writes...

[1:41:27] Blazer.

[1:41:28] Dear Floppers, what happens when you see all the movies?

[1:41:32] Books?

[1:41:33] Other podcasts?

[1:41:34] Thanks, Alana.

[1:41:36] Yeah, Dan, what are we going to do when we've watched all the movies?

[1:41:41] We're going to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:42] This is a question we're going to have to deal with at some point.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:44] What's the...

[1:41:45] We're going to turn into a coffee review show.

[1:41:49] Wow, that's great.

[1:41:49] We're just different roasts of coffee.

[1:41:51] Yeah, I love it.

[1:41:51] We're going to...

[1:41:52] And this is going to be hard for Elliot, because he's not really a big coffee fan, but...

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:56] Because I don't like coffee.

[1:41:57] Well, I'll be the guy who's that...

[1:41:59] So many podcasts have the one guy who's like, well, I don't like this.

[1:42:02] I don't like true crime.

[1:42:05] I'm the Jimmy Kimmel to your Ben Stein, I guess.

[1:42:09] Yeah, yeah.

[1:42:10] On Win Ben Stein's money.

[1:42:11] Yeah, I think I was like, I don't think this true crime story is interesting.

[1:42:15] I don't like these things.

[1:42:17] Why are we treating real people's lives that really suffered as if it was like a fictional movie that we can take thrills from?

[1:42:23] Ooh, so real.

[1:42:25] That's my real problem with true crime podcasts.

[1:42:27] Or true crime of any type, but with a lot of true crime nonfiction, like the writer is trying to figure out, like, what does this crime mean?

[1:42:35] But I feel like with podcasts, they just tell the story, and at the end, they're like, maybe this is about, I don't know, we're obsessed with success.

[1:42:42] I don't know.

[1:42:43] And that's it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:43] I mean, I think, aren't we all...

[1:42:45] I think, aren't all forms of entertainment just playing to some fetish or another, and true crime's just a little more obvious about it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:53] Maybe.

[1:42:53] But not as obvious as porn.

[1:42:55] That's the most obvious form of entertainment that plays to a fetish.

[1:42:58] No kidding, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:59] Tell me more after the episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:01] Well, Alana, I hope that answers your question about true crime.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:08] Well, luckily for us, we'll never see all the movies, because there's too many movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:11] Have you ever seen the movie True Crime?

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:15] With Clint Eastwood?

[1:43:17] Yeah, yeah, I remember seeing that when it came out.

[1:43:19] Okay, question answered.

[1:43:21] It's a very serviceable kind of, like, crime thriller.

[1:43:26] There's not much to it, really.

[1:43:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:29] Listen, guys.

[1:43:31] Now what?

[1:43:31] Just one more time, we need to come to you and say, it's the MaxFunDrive.

[1:43:38] And ask you to donate at MaximumFun.org.

[1:43:43] Slash?

[1:43:44] Slash donate, sorry.

[1:43:45] I mean, I'm sure you can find it if you just went to MaximumFun.org, but it's easier to go to MaximumFun.org.

[1:43:50] You know what?

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:51] Just go to Google and put in MaximumFun something, and then see what comes up.

[1:43:56] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[1:43:57] Slash donate, and pick how much you're going to donate per month.

[1:44:01] Pledge it.

[1:44:01] Set it up.

[1:44:02] Set it and forget it.

[1:44:03] It'll just go on, and we'll appreciate it every month, and we'll say thank you very much.

[1:44:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:07] Yeah, just grip it and rip it.

[1:44:10] Look, monthly memberships are how our show survives.

[1:44:16] I mean, that's...

[1:44:16] Grill it and spill it.

[1:44:17] That's the bottom line.

[1:44:19] It's sometimes hard to all get together and do these shows.

[1:44:22] Not that we don't love each other and love doing it, but it can be...

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:26] It can be a real fucking chore.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:29] Okay.

[1:44:30] Occasionally.

[1:44:32] And so, having money come in really helps us stay enthusiastic about what we're doing.

[1:44:37] And on your part, you'll feel good because you know that you're helping us make this podcast that you love so much.

[1:44:46] I was being sarcastic, but I don't think Dan was being sarcastic.

[1:44:49] Well, I'm the one who has to put the podcast online, so I do a lot of the grunt work associated with the podcast that's a little less fun than just broadcasting.

[1:45:00] But that's neither good nor there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:02] Yeah, but you're right, because I have all the fun of handling the accounts.

[1:45:05] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:05] Elliot also has a not-so-fun job.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:09] And I have the job of being the face man of the operation.

[1:45:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:14] No, Stuart handles a lot of our production stuff for us affiliated and associated products and things.

[1:45:20] We all play our part.

[1:45:21] Yeah.

[1:45:22] But it's especially hard for Stuart.

[1:45:23] He actually is kind of the public face of the podcast, since he's the one member of the podcast where anybody in the world can just go up to him.

[1:45:31] They know where he's working.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:32] Yeah, it's true.

[1:45:35] We already went through the pledge gifts, so I won't go into details.

[1:45:38] I just want to say, very quickly, run through them again.

[1:45:41] At $5 per month, you get that exclusive bonus content.

[1:45:43] At $10 per month, you get the enamel pen designed by Megan Lynn Cott, specified to each show.

[1:45:50] For $20 per month, you get that MaxFun family cookbook.

[1:45:53] And for $35 per month, you get a one-liter juice carafe engraved with the MaxFun rocket logo.

[1:46:00] And then there are higher levels of donations as well that you can find out about at MaximumFun.org forward slash donate.

[1:46:12] I don't know if there's anything else to say about this right now.

[1:46:15] It's just that we appreciate your support very much.

[1:46:19] And thank you for listening.

[1:46:21] You know, listen, if you genuinely can't afford it, just thank you for listening.

[1:46:26] But those who can, you know, think about donating.

[1:46:31] Yeah, think about it.

[1:46:32] Well, think about it and then do it.

[1:46:33] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:35] No, don't just think about it.

[1:46:36] Do it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:37] Call to action.

[1:46:38] Think about something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:39] So, what do we do next?

[1:46:41] Hashtag thinking about it.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:43] Next up, we have the last segment of the show where we get positive and we recommend movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:51] To leave everybody with a sweet taste rather than the bitter taste of the layover.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:56] So, I'll recommend a movie I saw recently, a movie that's still in theaters.

[1:47:01] Or maybe it's not by the time that this podcast comes out.

[1:47:04] We're recording a little early for this one.

[1:47:07] But it's called The Death of Stalin.

[1:47:09] And it's Armando Iannucci who did The Thick of It in England, that very funny television show.

[1:47:17] He did Veep until very recently when he handed over the reins to someone else.

[1:47:23] He did the movie In the Loop.

[1:47:25] And it's a similar style of sort of fast-talking, everyone's kind of denal and looking out for themselves political story.

[1:47:38] But it's based on the true story of when Stalin died and the jockeying for power that happened after it.

[1:47:44] So, it's got this, even though it's very funny, it also has this dark undercurrent because people are getting shot left and right during all of the power plays.

[1:47:53] And it's just, you know, it's got a great cast.

[1:47:56] It's very funny, as I said.

[1:47:58] And as far as I know, from what I've read, it's surprisingly accurate to history for this kind of movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:08] Yeah, because they all spoke English.

[1:48:09] Yeah.

[1:48:10] Yeah.

[1:48:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:12] You mean like English, the official language of the Middle Ages?

[1:48:18] Or fantasy worlds?

[1:48:20] And ancient Rome.

[1:48:21] I haven't seen Death of Stalin yet.

[1:48:23] I want to see it.

[1:48:23] But it's currently the most described movie by dudes to their Tinder dates I overhear at the bar.

[1:48:30] Really?

[1:48:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:32] Really?

[1:48:33] That's surprising to me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:33] It's like the most like, I mean, you know, we cater to a pretty intellectual bro clientele.

[1:48:43] Well, go ahead and see it.

[1:48:45] I'm going to recommend a movie that I am, I was like almost 100% positive I'd already recommended.

[1:48:52] But according to the Flophouse Recommends Wiki, which is indispensable in this process, a website that's lovingly maintained by Ian Whitney.

[1:49:03] Yet, apparently I have not recommended it, so I'm going to do that now.

[1:49:06] I'm recommending a movie from 1989 called The Blood of Heroes.

[1:49:11] And the international release name was Salute of the Jugger.

[1:49:17] It's a movie about a post-apocalyptic sport where traveling bands, basically teams, go from village to village.

[1:49:25] And they play in a game that involves taking a dog skull and sticking it on a stick.

[1:49:32] And this movie was written and directed by David Webb Peoples, who wrote the screenplays for Blade Runner, Unforgiven, all kinds of shit.

[1:49:43] And this is the only full-length movie he ever directed.

[1:49:47] And it stars Rugger Howard, Joan Chen, Delroy Lindo, Vincent D'Onofrio.

[1:49:53] And it's just this great, weird little movie.

[1:49:57] Yeah.

[1:49:58] So if you're a fan of post-apocalyptic settings, or you just want to see those actors when they were a little bit younger, or you're into sports movies, you should check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:14] And I'm going to recommend a movie that hasn't been in theaters for over 60 years, unless it's been revivals or I don't know.

[1:50:21] I'm going to recommend a musical called It's Always Fair Weather.

[1:50:25] This was a Gene Kelly musical from the very end of, like, the big, big kind of MGM musical period.

[1:50:33] This might have been the last one, or it's one of the last ones.

[1:50:35] And it's what I'd call, like, a problem musical in a way, because it's showing them really stretching the idea of what a musical can deal with.

[1:50:43] It's about, in movies at least, and it's these three guys who are best buddies in World War II, and they say, hey, 10 years later, we're going to meet, 10 years from now, the war's just ended.

[1:50:53] We're going to meet back up again, and we'll just tell each other about our lives.

[1:50:56] And they meet up again 10 years later, and they find that they, the three of them have nothing in common anymore.

[1:51:02] They're all kind of unsatisfied with their lives in various ways.

[1:51:06] And it's, the movie then kind of loses, it loses its way a little bit.

[1:51:11] There's a subplot about gangsters fixing a boxing match that never really quite works.

[1:51:15] I hate it when there's, like, a casino sequence in a movie.

[1:51:21] Well, there's no casino in this one, but it's similar to that.

[1:51:24] But, uh, but, uh, the, there's, and, uh, there's a, there's some, some satire on television of the 50s, which is kind of funny, but it's because those shows don't exist the same way anymore.

[1:51:37] It just seems crazy.

[1:51:38] But there's a bunch of really good musical numbers in it.

[1:51:41] Sid Charisse is in it, and she has one of her best numbers.

[1:51:43] It's one of the few ones I can think of that's a solo number for her, where she's in this, this boxing gym dancing with the boxers, and it's called Baby, You Knock Me Out.

[1:51:51] Uh, and, it's, like, it's a movie that has its ups and downs and rough patches, but there's a lot of fun moments in it, and it's just really interesting seeing them being like, okay, like, three years ago, or four years ago, they did Singing in the Rain.

[1:52:04] It's like, okay, that, like, kind of accomplished what musicals can do.

[1:52:07] Now, Gene Kelly and Stanley Donnan directed this, too.

[1:52:09] They're like, let's see what kind of story we can tell using a musical.

[1:52:13] Can we do a story that's a little more downbeat and different?

[1:52:16] And, like, they can't fully pull it off with that kind of form, but what they managed to get in it is mostly really interesting and really good, and the dance numbers are fantastic.

[1:52:26] So, it's always fair weather, I'll recommend.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:29] Uh, hey, before we go, let's take care of a little business that we forgot about last time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:34] Some business.

[1:52:34] And that's that we have a couple of live shows, uh, with tickets on sale.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:39] Um, on May the 26th, we will return to D.C.

[1:52:43] We're going to be performing at the 6th and I Historic Synagogue.

[1:52:47] Uh, and on June 30th...

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:50] So, get ready, guys, because there's going to be a lot of Talmud study that I'm going to be leading during the show.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:55] On June the 30th, we're in Seattle at the Neptune Theater.

[1:53:00] Uh, you can buy tickets for those at the events page on the Flophouse podcast website.

[1:53:05] One that I have not put on the website yet, I notice, I will get to that as soon as possible,

[1:53:11] is we also have a show in Brooklyn at our old home, the Bell House.

[1:53:16] And that is on the 7th of June.

[1:53:21] June 7th.

[1:53:22] So, what are those dates again?

[1:53:23] May...

[1:53:23] May 26th.

[1:53:24] And what are we watching?

[1:53:25] And what are we watching for the D.C. show?

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:28] Uh...

[1:53:28] Geostorm is what we're watching.

[1:53:31] Okay.

[1:53:31] Fuck yeah.

[1:53:32] Oh, yeah.

[1:53:33] For the Brooklyn show, we are watching The Dark Tower.

[1:53:36] That's on the 7th of June.

[1:53:37] So, remember the names of your fathers and buy a ticket.

[1:53:43] No, it's the face of your fathers.

[1:53:45] I don't fucking remember that shit.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:46] And then for the Seattle show, on June 30th, we'll be watching The Mummy.

[1:53:49] This is what we have decided.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:51] Brendan Fraser's The Mummy.

[1:53:53] No, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:54] The new Tom Cruise one.

[1:53:55] No, no.

[1:53:56] Boris Karloff's The Mummy.

[1:53:57] No, the Tom Cruise one.

[1:53:58] The new failed attempt to do the Dark Universe that Universal really wanted to make happen.

[1:54:04] Oh, they're still trying.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:05] I heard that the Bride of Frankenstein movie has been revived.

[1:54:10] And so, every year I think Universal will try to get this Dark Universe thing going.

[1:54:13] But I'm genuinely very curious to see that movie.

[1:54:16] I have no idea if it's going to be salvageable.

[1:54:19] I hope that Russell Crowe gets to do an accent.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:22] What?

[1:54:22] I hope Russell Crowe gets to do an accent other than Australian.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:28] So, buy those tickets.

[1:54:29] If you're in Washington, D.C., come see us May 26th.

[1:54:32] If you're in New York, come see us June 7th.

[1:54:33] If you're in Seattle, come see us June 30th.

[1:54:36] Yes.

[1:54:36] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:37] And thank you, listeners, for sticking with us through this very long episode.

[1:54:41] A little longer because we're promoting the MaxFunDrive so hard.

[1:54:46] And we were talking about the layover.

[1:54:48] We talked about the layover a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:49] Dude, if you go to the – I don't know what champion did this, but if you go to the layover IMDB page,

[1:54:57] the plot summary is so fucking exhaustive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:02] It's basically the entire script.

[1:55:04] Elliot did it.

[1:55:05] Yeah.

[1:55:06] I did it.

[1:55:07] I'm working on ways to streamline my plot summaries.

[1:55:10] There's just so much to pick apart in a movie like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:12] Okay.

[1:55:13] Well, guys, it's been great doing a show with you, but now it's time to sign off.

[1:55:17] Okay.

[1:55:18] So, for the Flophouse, rather, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:55:23] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:23] Dan still got it.

[1:55:25] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:55:27] And I'm Elliot Kalin, enjoying Dan's near-perfect record of flubs, mix-ups, and bloops.

[1:55:33] See you later, guys.

[1:55:34] Bye.

[1:55:36] Bye.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:45] It's a movie with no – it's a comedy with no jokes in it.

[1:55:47] Yeah, it's Aaron Sorkin style, baby.

[1:55:50] Okay, that's weird.

[1:55:53] Whoa.

[1:55:55] That was terrifying.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:57] Yeah, sorry.

[1:55:57] My phone fell over.

[1:55:59] We thought you died for a second.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:01] I thought we had an unfriended situation.

[1:56:04] Yeah.

[1:56:05] I would love if Unfriended 2 was not whatever it's about, which I'm sure is great.

[1:56:11] But I wish Unfriended 2 was about, like, podcasters using Skype.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:19] Yeah, don't worry, guys.

[1:56:20] I saw a bright light ahead of me just now, and then I heard the voice of my grandfather,

[1:56:25] and he said, it's not your time yet.

[1:56:27] You have to stay on Earth and talk about the layover.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:31] Optimumfun.org.

[1:56:33] Comedy and culture.

[1:56:34] Artist owned.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:35] Listener supported.

Ep. #255 - The Layover

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