Ep. #256 - Power Rangers

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Power Rangers.

[0:03] Will we say, go, go, Power Rangers, or no, no, Power Rangers, or uh-oh, Power Rangers?

[0:11] Brought to you by Saban.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:43] Hey, guys, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:45] And Elliot Kalin is over here in Los Angeles, beautiful, sunny L.A.,

[0:51] home of earthquakes and fires and landslides, and we don't have water.

[0:56] You guys should move out here. It's real nice.

[0:57] What's the weather like there?

[1:00] like right right now right now it's kind of a sunny low 70s it is uh 9 30 in the morning so

[1:06] it's going to get a little warmer as the day goes on and we're going to see a lot of traffic on the

[1:10] five so you may want to go around that if you're going to the beach back to you dan all right well

[1:15] in sports stuff happened that i know nothing about i don't know why i chose sports and turning to

[1:21] entertainment news it's stewart wellington on the red carpet beat stewart oh hey guys coming down

[1:26] this red carpet we got all the stars of saban's power rangers we got saban himself oh he's smiling

[1:33] oh he's kissing babies okay now we got the red ranger played by the guy from billy from stranger

[1:38] things now the guy from billy from stranger things is that the spin-off billy from stranger things

[1:45] yeah yeah it's it's uh like this uh harsh racist revenge story uh now that scene where billy and

[1:52] that one kid's mom uh have a weird like romantic moment that was stewart's favorite scene in that

[1:57] whole series all right because it was just weird and came out of nowhere yeah and it happened like

[2:02] right before the end of the like right when everything else was getting really serious

[2:06] oh man that's how you make a show okay back to you elliot in weather so it's a beautiful

[2:14] sunny day low 70s of course it's 9 30 a.m so it's getting a little warmer throughout the day

[2:19] a lot of traffic on the five you're gonna want to avoid that if you're heading to the beach

[2:23] and back to dan with tragic news dan um my life is in shambles okay all right you didn't have to

[2:33] go that way didn't have to go that way i didn't know where to go i like how i was gonna make a

[2:39] joke about about your life and i was like no i'm gonna let dan choose his own adventure on this one

[2:43] i'm gonna let him make a joke about anything in the universe and i know i do like in tragic news

[2:48] dan's like how can i make this about me i just went with the first thing that came to my mind

[2:55] which of course was about me while dan stares into the mirror that's placed directly opposite of him

[3:00] yeah the mirror that gets older while dan stays young uh-huh yeah what it gets like tarnished

[3:06] around the edges and it breaks dan now this is not an la local news podcast what is this podcast

[3:13] and what do we do on it this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it

[3:17] What?

[3:17] Yeah.

[3:18] Yeah.

[3:18] Stu?

[3:19] No.

[3:20] Okay.

[3:21] This always takes you by surprise.

[3:22] And this week, we watched Power Rangers, or as Stuart pointed out, it's actually Saban's

[3:31] Power Rangers.

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:32] So if you guys, bros, if you guys are on the Amazon just looking to watch this movie, which

[3:38] is streaming on Amazon Prime for free right now.

[3:42] If you have an Amazon Prime membership.

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:45] So if you're searching Power Rangers, it probably won't show up.

[3:48] You have to search Saban's Power Rangers.

[3:51] No, that's not how the search function works.

[3:54] You got to look under the S category, not the P category.

[3:59] Yeah, it's the producer of Power Rangers, Chaim Saban, who is an incredibly rich man who has his name literally on a hospital in Los Angeles.

[4:10] He, I guess, wanted to make sure his company's name was in the title.

[4:14] But you could just call it Power Rangers.

[4:16] That's okay, everybody.

[4:17] Is it also to differentiate it from the earlier Power Rangers movie from, what, like the 90s?

[4:23] When did that movie come out?

[4:24] It's to differentiate it from Blumhouse's Truth or Dare.

[4:28] Yeah, sure.

[4:31] It's to differentiate it from that Power Rangers movie from the 70s about the girl who goes on a trip to Europe and has an erotic awakening.

[4:40] Oh, dear.

[4:41] Okay.

[4:42] That's what the TV show was based on, and they changed it a lot to make it about five teens who become superheroes and rip off Voltron to fight giant monsters in deserts.

[4:50] Yeah, it feels like the 70s were a really enlightened time.

[4:54] Elliot, can you tell us more about the 70s in cinema?

[4:56] Well, the 70s was a great time in cinema, bad time for humanity otherwise.

[5:01] Okay.

[5:01] Anyway, but let's move on to Power Rangers, shall we?

[5:04] Now, wait.

[5:04] Before we start, now, I have no history.

[5:08] Dan, don't worry.

[5:09] I know us.

[5:10] We're not in danger of starting anytime soon.

[5:12] I have no history with Power Rangers.

[5:14] Now, am I correct in thinking you're saying that?

[5:18] Wait, wait, wait.

[5:18] Pump the brakes, guys.

[5:19] You're talking about Power Rangers still, though, right?

[5:21] I know we're going to have to stick around for a while.

[5:23] I have no history with this.

[5:26] So, Jan, when I said, let's talk about Power Rangers, and you said, wait, before we start,

[5:30] you were then going to do the exact thing I was going to do, which is say I didn't watch

[5:34] Power Rangers as a kid.

[5:36] Okay.

[5:36] Well, jinx, I guess.

[5:39] This is, if I was about to burp, and you put your hands on my mouth and said, hold on, hold on, hold on, before you do that, and then you burped.

[5:45] All right, well, sure, I'm sorry.

[5:50] Well, then we can both talk about how we have no history with Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

[5:54] But am I correct in thinking that the show was made up in part of repurposed stuff from a Japanese program?

[6:02] Is that correct?

[6:03] I believe so, yeah.

[6:04] There was a series of Japanese shows that they shot new – they used the same like superhero monster footage and then they shot new outside the costume footage or I guess the scenes where they're like in their headquarters and they're just wearing the costumes without the masks.

[6:18] It was definitely a – it was not a show that sprung whole cloth from the brilliant mind of Chaim Saban.

[6:25] It was a – it was very much a taking something that existed already.

[6:30] But there's a rich history of that.

[6:32] transformers is just taking a japanese toy line and making a show around it and stuff like that

[6:37] and let's not forget the lion king stole a lot from what kimba the white lion or whatever it's

[6:41] called and let's not forget that uh the movie pearl harbor was based on a thing the japanese did

[6:46] okay well there's a rich history of american movies taking from japanese sources yeah but

[6:51] usually they don't take the actual footage is what i'm saying but here they i mean it's not

[6:55] like you stole it like you licensed it is it like an american studio taking all of the uh lone wolf

[7:01] and cub movies and cutting it together to just make one big movie called shogun assassin well

[7:07] that's a little different that's the kind of thing that like a company like sandy frank productions

[7:11] would do where they would take either a series of japanese films or a television series and edit it

[7:16] together into a feature that didn't make any sense here it was like we're gonna like mulholland drive

[7:20] the kind uh yeah exactly like well kind of yeah well i mean mulholland drive wasn't a series it

[7:25] was like a pilot that got expanded so it's in some ways it's the exact opposite it's the addition of

[7:30] footage rather than the subtraction of footage are you with me okay yeah i think you hear me

[7:35] knocking and i think i'm coming in somehow elliot made math exciting the new man but no yeah power

[7:43] rangers i was like just a little too old for whereas ninja turtles i was all over that was

[7:49] entirely my whole life and then i was just a little too old for power rangers and i remember

[7:53] watching an episode or two and being like okay like i'm too big for this i'm a big boy now i

[7:59] don't have any interest in watching this it's dumb to me and so it was weird watching and i'll i'll

[8:05] just want to skip ahead to one thing is that there's a reference later in the movie to a

[8:09] character who doesn't appear in the film but i guess is a popular character from the tv show

[8:12] and there's just a tease of them and it's like oh this is how america felt when thanos showed up at

[8:18] the end of the avengers movie where they were like what whereas i was like i can't believe it thanos

[8:23] when i was watching power rangers i'm like what let me look up this name because i assume it's a

[8:27] reference to something or else why use it so power rangers i guess we should just say i'm assuming

[8:33] none of us have like a sentimental affection for mighty morphin power rangers well i you know i was

[8:39] too old for it but it was also on television so i would like it was on television around the time i

[8:45] would get home from high school and i'd be like well i'll watch whatever the fuck's on tv because

[8:49] i'm a dummy and uh so yeah i mean it would be on tv quite a bit i don't remember much about it i do

[8:57] remember there was an episode with like an evil uh what is it a plinko machine or pachinko some

[9:06] some some kind of thing that they were all very familiar with all the all the teens who are very

[9:11] familiar with they're like oh one of these things and i'm like what is this is this from another

[9:16] planet what is going on it is and then the other planet was japan yeah well uh so that was cool

[9:23] uh i remember that kind of clearly as i don't even remember the name of the game i don't remember it

[9:29] that well yeah um but i do remember there's isn't there uh uh well we can talk about this later we

[9:34] can talk about where it's not okay well but it's so there are there are probably some people

[9:38] listening who are in the right age group where they're like power rangers oh yeah the billy the

[9:43] red whatever and and mickey the black ranger whatever is clearly ranger there's like there's

[9:50] like you know cheapy and grupo and all the all the great characters well i have no i find usually

[9:56] when like there is a certain age group where when you're talking about your first like celebrity or

[10:02] on-screen crush there's a certain age of fellow who says oh kimberly the pink ranger no doubt

[10:08] yeah uh so i think that's that's definitely an age like signifier and uh whereas most whereas

[10:15] guys my age went straight from chitara to terry hatcher in lois and clark the new adventures

[10:20] that's your nerd uh nerd crush huh chitara uh no i was gonna say that this is a

[10:28] this is an attempt to adultify the power rangers a little bit this is uh i would say it's not your

[10:35] daddy's power rangers fuck yeah it isn't so we open on a burning planet but i think i want to

[10:44] point out you see a power ranger being dragged in the mud how how how like the tensions between

[10:51] those two things between how dumb the mighty morphin power rangers are and how dark they

[10:55] want to make it are in that the vein villain is still named rita repulsa which is a hilarious

[11:01] name for like an intergalactic you know demon woman but uh and that even not just the repulsa

[11:08] part but that her name is rita is something that is just very funny where you're like so is that

[11:13] our so they all yeah but she like brutally kills people in this movie hell yeah she does also just

[11:19] the fact that it's like okay and she looks like fucking wish master dude but the alien villain

[11:25] is named rita which is the name of a meter maid it's really great in that opening scene that i'm

[11:31] sure in the pitch meeting was like hey have you guys seen it's hard to be a god now imagine it's

[11:37] power rangers instead uh you guys you guys like valhalla rising right what if it was power ranger

[11:44] rising okay so we begin planet earth and right off the bat this movie is lying like crazy because

[11:51] it says cenozoic era and then we see some tyrannodons flying through the sky uh excuse me

[11:57] that's a mesozoic life form that they're and what they're showing us is uh it's actually the dawn

[12:03] of the cenozoic era which it should have said because aliens and power armor are fighting a

[12:08] losing battle against some big bad monster we later find out is rita uh and they leave behind

[12:14] some power crystals and alien brian cranston in the one scene where he has to cover himself up

[12:19] with latex his name is zardon he's like oh no i failed uh rita you betrayed us and he does this

[12:25] He does this all in a made-up language that is like, it's so great when he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, Rita, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[12:33] Yeah, it's like, go chakam, cluck, cluck, Rita, I'm going to get you, Johnny.

[12:39] And this is also where it becomes very clear that Amazon Prime crops its movies weird because half of the subtitles were off the screen for me.

[12:50] Oh, I did not have that problem.

[12:52] You didn't have that problem?

[12:52] Me neither.

[12:53] All right.

[12:53] That sounds like, yeah, yeah, yeah, user error.

[12:55] I don't think so.

[12:57] I've tried to fix it several ways.

[12:58] Did you, when you fired it up, were you like, go to settings, okay?

[13:01] Let me change the screen to be unwatchable, okay?

[13:05] Now play movie.

[13:07] No, that's called motion smoothing.

[13:09] Let me put it on can't read, don't read setting, okay?

[13:13] Dan, you're a little late to jump on this fucking anti-motion smoothing bandwagon.

[13:19] And now that your boy, Ryan Johnson, ruiner of Star Wars, did it first.

[13:23] Actually, Dan, you're late.

[13:25] There was such a big hate for motion smoothing that now the backlash has hit in and motion smoothing is cool again.

[13:32] Yeah, do you think all those Star Wars dudes are mad about Last Jedi or like, oh, well, if Ryan Johnson doesn't like it, I guess motion smoothing is cool now.

[13:40] Maybe, yeah.

[13:43] They love motion smoothing now and they hate Paddington 2, the other thing Ryan Johnson tweets about.

[13:49] interesting uh okay so what a wild new world we live in yep i don't know why i make fun of ryan

[13:56] johnson i like that guy anyway so uh zardon the only way to stop rita is to call down a meteor

[14:02] strike which kills the dinosaurs again it's the end of the mesozoic era we're not in the

[14:06] cenozoic era yet movie this really bothered me at that point i was like at that point i was like

[14:11] that's how the dinosaurs died yeah it was just to stop rita repulsa she falls into the ocean

[14:19] to the bottom of the sea never to be seen again or is she cut to millions of years later as some

[14:26] teens are leaving a cow in the enemy school's locker room as a prank there's of course the

[14:31] inevitable joke in a kid's movie about someone masturbating the cow thinking it was a girl cow

[14:36] milking it and actually they were just jacking off a bull cow because guys ever since bill clinton

[14:42] signs the jokes i find hilarious act and the i was not me the i was president bill clinton which is

[14:50] which insisted that any movie that involves a bull must include a joke about someone mistaking

[14:55] it for a cow and yanking on its single utter penis until sperm juts out and the person thinks

[15:01] its milk and i assume guzzles it down well yeah or puts it on cereal or something right yeah exactly

[15:08] or in your hair because you think hair products came out of a cow or like use it on a david ben

[15:13] stiller or use it in some kind of like french creamy like sauce or something yeah and like a

[15:19] mean rich guy is like feed it to me now delicious and the audience knows what he what he ate but he

[15:25] doesn't know and they're like i think we should tell this guy i think he might kind of rethink a

[15:30] lot of his life yeah get me my clearish gel like yogurt right now oh it's not very much just one

[15:37] spoonful but okay oh this is interesting very different i'd like this again next time and the

[15:44] like cool guy asshole winks at the camera's like oh i think that we've got an unlimited supply

[15:49] and then you zoom into his testicles and you see his testicles going amp up production guys

[15:54] we got a new customer out there wait is that guy a cow

[15:58] is he like some kind of like bullheaded minotaur character sunglasses it's like a cow from like a

[16:08] sandra boynton book who's got sunglasses and sings or something he's like the cow that the

[16:12] cow from the skinny cow uh box kind of wants a date but you know is a little too nervous to ask

[16:18] out oh yeah because he's so intimidating but really he wants affection the most and that

[16:22] cool exterior that's just a wall he puts up he's afraid of being hurt again yeah it's a real

[16:27] cool as ice scenario so anyway uh because this is a movie that is it's like you said you're not

[16:35] your daddy's power rangers we're gonna have jokes about bull sperm in this one so they get uh but

[16:41] the police catch them they get into a cgi driver's pov car crash i will say hardcore henry i i will

[16:48] say i kind of like this opening sequence like it was i mean it was way more style i mean other than

[16:56] of course the hilarious joke because i was laughing too hard to pay attention to the dialogue

[17:00] uh the joke about jacking off a bull i don't know if that was clear was that clear that's clear

[17:05] okay yeah but i liked uh i mean there was way more style to it than i expected oh yeah let me just

[17:12] tell you one thing this movie was and i might be skipping final judgments ahead spoiler alert

[17:19] not as bad as i thought it was going to be did i have very low standards for it yes but i found it

[17:26] to be a much more serviceable kind of like superhero story than i thought it was aside

[17:30] from the masturbating the cow joke which i don't again that's hack stuff thank you president bill

[17:34] clinton another terrible thing you did in office but he was like he's like i love sperm i think

[17:40] it's funny and sperm will never be my comeuppance it'll never ironically lead to my possible down

[17:45] that's a good pun yeah uh yeah it's not a pun oh comeuppance i didn't even see yeah uh by the way

[17:52] Elliot, that is probably the laziest Bill Clinton impression I've ever heard.

[17:56] No, this is the laziest Bill Clinton impression.

[17:58] You didn't even try it.

[17:59] This is, I'm Bill Clinton.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:03] Or what about like, it's-a-me, President of William, Guillermo Clinton.

[18:12] Like that.

[18:15] I mean, I don't know if that's lazy so much as just misguided.

[18:18] Oh, okay.

[18:19] Yeah.

[18:19] And slightly racist.

[18:21] Okay, so the leader of this group, the Leonardo, if you will, he gets caught.

[18:26] Three weeks later, we find out this kid, Jason Scott, a huge football star at the school.

[18:31] He has his own display case at the school he goes to just for him with his jersey in it because he's been deified in life like a pharaoh.

[18:39] He didn't rat out the other kids because even though he stole a cow and tortured this cow by bringing it to this other school's locker room and having his friend molest it.

[18:50] He didn't, even though he's already a cowherder, he didn't rat out his friends because he's noble.

[18:55] And now he's under house arrest.

[18:57] He wears an ankle bracelet and he's got to go to detention.

[19:00] Uh-oh.

[19:01] You know what that means?

[19:03] Time for him to go from being a star to being one of the misfits.

[19:07] And I don't mean the bands, the misfits.

[19:09] I mean, like the outcasts of the school.

[19:12] Yeah.

[19:13] Yeah.

[19:13] So it's a, it's a, like a setup for like a breakfast club type situation, right?

[19:17] Exactly.

[19:18] And we're introduced to his dad, who looks like his older brother, played by Roy from The Office.

[19:23] Oh, that's who it was.

[19:25] Yeah, and he was in some other thing recently, too, that I saw.

[19:27] But all he and all Roy is given to do is just glower behind a beard and just kind of like he doesn't like anybody.

[19:35] And he's a fisherman.

[19:37] He works hard.

[19:37] He thought his son was going to ride a football scholarship to the NFL and pay for that house he's always wanted.

[19:43] So he's pretty unhappy about it.

[19:44] Okay, so do we like Jason Scott, the hero of the movie?

[19:49] Interesting.

[19:52] I mean, by the end of the movie or at this point?

[19:56] At this point, let's say.

[19:58] I mean, he's pretty handsome.

[19:59] Dan?

[20:02] Dan, your thoughts?

[20:04] Yeah, I mean, I'm predisposed as a lifelong nerd

[20:08] to dislike jocks who think it's hilarious

[20:13] to bring cows into places.

[20:14] That's fair.

[20:15] But luckily, I think they're going to introduce some characters pretty quickly that you might identify with more.

[20:20] Yeah.

[20:20] And that character is a bully character who shows up.

[20:24] There's a bully who shows up who looks like, what's his name?

[20:29] He has the same kind of feel about him as, what's his name from Salute Your Shorts?

[20:34] Who was also Eddie Furlong's friend in Terminator 2?

[20:37] Yeah, Bobby Butnik.

[20:38] I think that's the main guy in Salute Your Shorts, right?

[20:42] I don't know.

[20:43] I don't think so.

[20:44] Oh, anyway, so this bully is messing with this nerd, Billy.

[20:49] Billy, as he tells us later, is on the spectrum, which it's a weird thing.

[20:54] How much he's on the spectrum seems to change from scene to scene.

[20:57] He's like, I don't really know how to relate to people.

[20:59] I don't get jokes.

[21:00] And then he's cracking jokes through the whole movie, and he's the first one to form a deep emotional connection with the other characters.

[21:07] So I think they were trying, but they failed here.

[21:10] Anyway, Jason stops this bully, and Billy – he stops the bully, not Billy.

[21:15] He stops the bully from bullying Billy.

[21:17] Yeah, he never stops Billy.

[21:17] The bully is not with Billy.

[21:18] He never stops Billy.

[21:19] He can't stop Billy.

[21:21] And so he saves Billy, and Billy's like, hey, you know what?

[21:24] I can help you with that ankle bracelet.

[21:25] And he takes him to his house.

[21:27] Uh-oh.

[21:28] The curfew for when he's supposed to be at home.

[21:30] Why do they time it like that?

[21:32] I guess for suspense.

[21:33] Yeah, yeah.

[21:34] And he builds a homemade Faraday cage and uses a computer to hack into the bracelet so Jason could just walk around wherever.

[21:43] And Billy says, in return, I want you to drive me to an abandoned gold mine in my own car.

[21:49] Yeah.

[21:52] Because this is one of those towns where it is both a seaside harbor town with a fishing industry and also a gold mine.

[22:00] And I don't know enough about gold mining.

[22:01] When I think gold mining, I think, sure, there are rivers and streams that you can pan for gold in.

[22:06] Usually it's like out in the desert somewhere where you can have a big deposit of gold.

[22:10] Somebody, some listener who knows geology and mineralogy, write in and tell me if it's possible for an ocean, like a coastal harbor town to also have a vein of gold.

[22:20] The only, anytime you have a harbor town that also happens to have a deep reserve of gold, that town is clearly cast down their Christian idols and have begun worshiping Dagon.

[22:31] And that's a problem.

[22:32] That's just not a cool thing to do.

[22:34] I thought you were just going to say that that town is clearly Duckburg, which has every type of place in it.

[22:40] Yeah, well, Angel Grove, the town, much like Duckburg, is resource rich, both gold and fish.

[22:45] And as we'll find out, alien power coins.

[22:49] So anyway, oh, I forgot earlier, Zardon, as he was dying, he threw some power crystals into the ground and was like, find them.

[22:57] Be selective.

[22:58] Find the right, you know, whatever.

[23:01] because the people don't exist yet so he can't say find the right people but anyway uh jason is

[23:05] wandering around do you think that those coins are just gonna find like like denver the last

[23:09] dinosaur or something we can only that would be the crossover we're not ready for mighty morphin

[23:15] brown rangers denver the last dinosaur throw the rescue rangers in there two kinds of rangers in

[23:19] one movie yeah we're ranger rich which is different yeah ranger rick shows up ranger rick the raccoon

[23:26] mascot let's not forget uh stranger ranger who teaches kids about stranger danger

[23:33] so stranger ranger the stranger danger ranger yeah so billy wants to go to this um

[23:39] quarry a man in gold mine because he's it's not a quarry it's a mine right but quarry is an open

[23:47] pit a mine you got to dig a tunnel all right but apparently he what he wants to do is just blow up

[23:53] more of this mine like that's his project there's something he and his dad he keeps talking about

[23:58] his dad uh he used to go find things in there i guess they're like they're like freegans but for

[24:04] mines you know which i guess is stealing but uh that he wants to blow up part of the mine to

[24:09] uncover something meanwhile jason is wandering around the woods next to this mine because the

[24:13] mining operation has in no way affected the local environment or water sources which leads me to

[24:18] believe this movie is really propaganda from the mining industry yeah that they're like look how

[24:22] clean the river next to mine is a woman could swim in it because jason stumbles on kimberly

[24:27] stripping down to her skivvies to go swimming in the creek kimberly is a cheerleader yeah we've

[24:33] seen she's also in detention she did something really mean to her friend and then uh in an act

[24:39] of uh wait has she cut her hair yet yeah she does like oh that's right she's going through a

[24:44] psychological change you know she's going through a hard time so the symbol of that of course is

[24:49] always chopping your hair off yeah yeah you have to like strip off the old flesh yeah yeah exactly

[24:55] and what's funny and she doesn't like shave her head she doesn't even cut it into a bob

[25:00] she just has a sensible short haircut but everyone reacts like she's uh-oh she's a punk now yeah her

[25:06] dad like it's all about her dad loses his shit which is weird because like why would he care

[25:11] that i don't know well the hair symbolizes his hopes for her to get a cheerleading scholarship

[25:15] to go into major league cheerleading so she can buy him that house he's always wanted yeah

[25:19] cheerleading a notoriously not lucrative pursuit well i am reading this into the movie to be fair

[25:28] he didn't say that let's not criticize him for something i made up so jason finds kimberly the

[25:33] uh soon-to-be pink ranger and she uh does this back spoiler alert i thought she was a random

[25:38] teen she does a backflip into the water and midway through like right before this process

[25:45] happens she turns into some kind of CGI

[25:47] creation because this is

[25:48] very clearly a special effect

[25:50] and also that creek is in no way deep enough

[25:53] for someone to dive into it

[25:54] that's crazy it seems weird that they

[25:57] like that seems like

[25:59] an unnecessary effect shot right

[26:00] like if you

[26:03] were the if you were supervising this production

[26:05] you'd be like no just have her jump in water

[26:07] normally okay like

[26:08] rather than doing a fancy flip

[26:10] didn't they do the same thing with Halle Berry and

[26:12] Swordfish was it

[26:15] operation swordfish yeah yeah there's some halle berry movie i think it is where there's a very

[26:20] obvious cgi dive it's like it's hard to dive look they couldn't it's not like the only time you

[26:26] should hire a diver the only time you should do an obvious special effect dive is if an alien

[26:31] chestburster is going to burst out of your chest midway through the fall right and you're diving

[26:36] into a giant thing of molten stuff yeah uh when did that happen was that something that happened

[26:41] to you yeah that happened to me because uh lance hendrickson showed up and he was like no i want

[26:47] that thing and i'm like no that thing is mine and then i jumped into some magma oh wow that was

[26:52] sounds really dangerous anyway uh jason sees her and there's also another guy who's just hanging

[26:57] around the mine for uh reasons unexplained he just seems to like to go there to think we don't learn

[27:02] much about him i thought he was i thought he was stalking uh he was stalking the other the other

[27:08] girl i think they both just happen to be around there a lot this line is where all the teens go

[27:14] to like angst out and brood like batman but they don't they never see each other it must be huge

[27:20] they never run into each other yeah like the windies in my hometown and another girl like

[27:25] right there's like the other girl too there who like we never learn all that much about as a

[27:30] character throughout the movie why was she we learn we learn we learn about her later on she's

[27:35] like a little bit she's like doing uh she's like doing yoga while listening to melodic death metal

[27:40] oh yeah yeah yeah so and uh so okay uh so all our protagonists are here so our character

[27:46] our protagonists are assembled uh the avengers have assembled or in this case the power rangers

[27:51] to be billy sets off this explosion and reveals like a spaceship or something made out of glass

[27:55] with these little power jewels inside and the mystery guy just starts breaking away at him

[28:01] and they take them.

[28:01] I love it.

[28:02] Uh-oh, they are at a police car.

[28:03] I do like that they make a point of having each person grab one.

[28:08] Like they both see a guy breaking this like glass barrier

[28:12] and each kid takes it upon themselves to grab their own coin.

[28:17] Oh, yeah.

[28:18] I don't know.

[28:19] I would if I would want one of those.

[28:20] Those are crazy.

[28:21] It's like a crazy glowing coin inside of a giant glass wall.

[28:25] Yeah, you don't want to be the only person without a coin.

[28:27] Exactly.

[28:29] yeah because then you can't play the claw machine yeah what if one of them they're like they all

[28:33] show up again they're like we have these amazing powers because these coins and one of them was

[28:37] like i bought something with my i have this gumball now um i got it i got so i went to a real

[28:46] there was one of those little plastic toy dispensers and i wanted like this little rubber

[28:52] ninja but instead i got this necklace with a dollar sign on it which i didn't really want so

[28:57] do one of you guys want it what about your power coin i don't know i guess it's just in there still

[29:02] i got let's go get it homie now yeah they i got this i got this silvery like sticker that i'm

[29:10] gonna stick on something and it's never gonna come off and my parents are gonna get really mad

[29:13] but they go well let's go get that coin back we'll break open the machine and they go just as the

[29:18] truck that collects the money from the machines is driving away they're like oh okay so me in like

[29:25] hackensack new jersey some guy who owns a like vending machine company finds this power coin

[29:31] and becomes the last power ranger it's four teens and one like middle-aged guy yeah probably has

[29:36] mob connections uh-huh probably if not he at least he played an extra in an episode of the

[29:41] sopranos i love of course yeah i love how the bit those vending machines still exist because like

[29:46] the margins can't be that great and like you're not making that much money off of it anyway

[29:50] like well i don't know the i don't know the old way that it used to be i don't know the way it

[29:54] now in the old days the mob would force you to have one oh really uh but now now i don't think

[30:01] that's the way it is anymore now it's just built on the backs of kids irritating their parents to

[30:06] the point of wasting good quarters on some piece of junk they'll probably lose before they get home

[30:11] yeah everybody i'm a dad i'm here to tell you ellie it's like how dare you take my hard-earned

[30:17] quarters that i was just gonna put in a bowl somewhere in my house and forget about and forget

[30:22] about forever uh so anyway there's a police car chase and the car they're in gets hit by a train

[30:29] uh meanwhile there's a storm at sea jason's dad is a fisherman and they pull up a mummy that with

[30:36] glowing eyes from the bottom of the ocean uh-oh i do like that they stick the mummy in the in the

[30:41] bottom of the boat then they it seems like they just keep going back to work oh yeah they gotta

[30:46] they gotta you know the profit margins on that are pretty small too you know this but

[30:50] But talk about the deadliest catch.

[30:52] The profits on mummy collection are – well, the problem is you invest so much with the hopes of finding one mummy.

[31:00] And you would think that a mummy under the water would be like super soggy and loose.

[31:07] But this one is like stiff as an old boot, you know?

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:11] It should be hard since the main thing you want for mummification is dry so that it takes the moisture out.

[31:18] You would think that being at the bottom of the sea would fight the mummification process.

[31:21] Here's the thing about being a mummy finder.

[31:23] The first mummy that you find, that just pays for the equipment you get when you're a mummy finder.

[31:30] It's the second mummy where you start making a profit.

[31:32] It's like when you join the DGA.

[31:33] Yeah, you get in the black at that point, and then you can move on.

[31:36] It's like your first job as a director is just to pay for your dues to join the Director's Guild so you can be a director.

[31:42] It's the second job that really makes the money.

[31:44] So with the mummy, it's the same thing.

[31:46] So you don't make any real mummy money until the second mummy.

[31:49] So it takes a long time to find a mummy.

[31:53] You can pour a lot of money into that mummy business.

[31:55] Now, I think we should probably save all of our mummy riffs for our upcoming live show in Seattle where we're reviewing the movie The Mummy.

[32:04] That's a good point.

[32:05] That's a very good point.

[32:06] So why don't we table this conversation for a little while?

[32:09] This isn't the Mighty Mummy Power Rangers.

[32:12] That's a good point.

[32:12] Okay, so Jason wakes up in bed.

[32:14] all the kids do and they're miraculously healed from this car accident they don't even remember

[32:19] getting home and they all are super strong and super tough they're just breaking things left

[32:24] and right with their fists uh-huh like and guys this is definitely a metaphor for like puberty

[32:30] right i don't know about that were you able to survive car crashes and crush things with your

[32:35] hands i mean that's what a metaphor is about dude you're saying it's like when spider-man

[32:41] accidentally squirts out web juice and you're like i know what that means spider-man yeah he's

[32:47] like i thought it was a cow it's a bull yeah yeah uh so yeah so squirts out web juice that's what

[32:56] it's called right you're the you've written spider-man comics before yeah that's true web

[33:00] in the in the yeah mighty marvel uh rule book style guide they say never refer to it as any

[33:06] web juice yeah spider-man yells out feel the wrath of my web juice also his danger sensing

[33:14] spider sense could be called his think a link of what's that it's like all right i guess he'll call

[33:19] it that it's pretty silly i don't know so they go back to the mine they've got to investigate

[33:25] they find the mystery guy whose name is zach and another and that other girl the girl who is

[33:31] meditating while listening to death metal trini i don't remember trini and uh they all and she

[33:37] sees them and goes huh and she runs and she scrambles right up a rock face and now we get

[33:42] the first of many scenes in the movie that are them exploring their powers and each other set to

[33:49] kind of pump up or emo rock songs yeah as they every sit you have to see every single one climb

[33:55] up that hill and then jump over a deep gorge while music plays and there's so many music cues i was

[34:01] like what is this suicide squad they're just hurling pop songs at us one after another explain

[34:06] uh yeah yeah dan what's going on there uh i mean this is a four quadrant movie and uh one of the

[34:14] quadrants is emo metal people okay it's emo metal people babies uh centaurs and cows that and bulls

[34:24] yeah uh so the i i have a note here that that just mentions that uh while i was watching i felt like

[34:30] that a lot of the movie felt like the 1979 video from smashing pumpkins but with superpowers like

[34:36] a bunch of unhappy teens wandering around just doing whatever but they have superpowers now

[34:40] i do like uh i do like when jason jumps over when they all like take turns jumping over the gorge

[34:46] and they're all like freaking out about it uh when jason lands and falls on himself he's like

[34:52] spitting out blood like i think he bleeds more from that than anything else in the movie but

[35:00] you know but uh yeah that's when i knew this was not my daddy's power rangers yeah oh no yeah and

[35:06] they uh but billy he doesn't make the jump and he falls down into a big pool of water when they

[35:11] they all jump in the water and find that they glow different colors in the water and then they find a

[35:15] hidden air pocket and inside that is a spaceship guys and this is when this is when i realized

[35:21] we just don't get enough like thinking man sci-fi anymore you know like a nice hard sci-fi

[35:29] thanks power rangers thanks power rangers for bringing that you're this is what if you're like

[35:34] oh this must be what it's like if they make a movie out of a stephen baxter novel just real

[35:38] hard sci-fi sf you know and uh they find this is where this goofy this alpha 5 the goofy saucer

[35:45] headed robot walks out voiced by bill hater and my reaction was literally like oh i forgot about

[35:52] this fucking saucer-headed robot because every let's call him the orco of the show okay every

[35:58] one of these kids shows has or the snarf every show has like the comic relief sidekick where

[36:04] you're like if these people are the greatest heroes in the universe why do they have this

[36:07] bumbling incompetent sidekick and in power rangers it's alpha 5 who considering he's been waiting at

[36:14] the bottom of a gorge for 65 million years his name is an english uh acronym because he has an

[36:21] acronym for alpha and alpha is a greek letter so of course he knows languages even though he's been

[36:26] underwater for all the time but also he's just like loves cracking jokes and making wise yeah

[36:31] like he's the character robot is this he's the character that feels like they were created just

[36:36] so that years after the property uh had come out people would be making deviant art pictures of the

[36:43] characters holding that character's dead body like like i'm sure if you google power rangers holding

[36:50] a dead alpha 5 there is tons of art it's almost like it's almost like they were like you know

[36:57] what in the future we're going to we're going to want to do like a gritty reboot of this series

[37:01] let's give ourselves a problem character that will make it a little bit harder to get that serious

[37:07] we'll have a goofy a goofy alien robot i have to say though bill hater tries his best everyone in

[37:13] this movie seems to be trying their best except maybe brian cranston who i think is kind of like

[37:16] whatever but anyway except for that first scene where he looks like he is really in anguish as he

[37:21] as you said is dragged through the mud on a burning earth uh alpha wakes up the spirit of

[37:27] zordan or zardon which was it is it zart zardon uh who is now in the ship's matrix which means

[37:33] you just see his face all glowy and he looks like one of those he turns into a wall yeah well he

[37:38] looks like one of those like pen things that you get at like a spencer's gifts oh so when you're

[37:42] like hanging around your dorm room and they're all high and you like yeah try putting it on

[37:46] different parts of your body exactly where it's all pins yeah the pins yeah uh yeah that's what

[37:53] he looks like and he his he tells them oh you're power rangers now which means you have to protect

[37:58] the earth's zeo crystal which is what makes life possible okay he's just revolutionized religion

[38:03] and science right there and he also says being a power ranger you have to be brave and you can't

[38:08] tell anybody and it was like why can't they tell anybody wouldn't it make it a lot easier to

[38:13] protect the earth if they could tell people and also what like why why is this a secret

[38:19] what happens if they tell people do they lose uh their power coin or something yeah i don't do

[38:24] they get is it they they break is like he's like first rule of power ranger club you don't talk

[38:29] about power ranger club second rule of power ranger club please don't make fun of alpha five

[38:34] he's very sensitive yeah do you think third rule of power ranger club don't lose that power coin

[38:38] Or else you turn into a gremlin.

[38:40] I love that he revolutionizes the way we look at life in general by talking about these Zeo crystals.

[38:47] But then he also explains that if there's one constant in the universe, it's that other people get jealous of superpowers.

[38:53] Yeah.

[38:54] I could believe it more if there was a scene where like Rita strikes out at their families and they're like, oh, we've got to protect our identities.

[39:01] That can't happen again.

[39:02] but instead he's just like you can't tell anybody which is i don't know that it's a good lesson to

[39:08] young people to have them to show teens finding like a hidden vehicle of some kind and inside

[39:13] that vehicle is a weird old man who tells them don't tell anybody about what's happening here

[39:18] that's not a good message guys let's just say that yeah all right okay anyway they all they

[39:25] learn about rita repulsa she used to be an evil ranger and she turned on everybody they have 11

[39:29] days to stop her and uh zordon says that uh uh that jay and they're all like we can't do this

[39:35] blah blah blah and zordon says to to jason you were born to be the leader and the implication is

[39:42] you're the white man you you're you're supposed to be the leader of this group you got to convince

[39:47] them to be power rangers and the problem is they all have complicated home lives zach his mom is

[39:53] really sick and they live in a trailer and that's why he goes and hangs out at the mine trini she's

[39:58] gay and her family doesn't really approve of that so that's not good which is barely like

[40:03] like it's like they don't suggest it in one line and then sort of skipped over and well i mean what

[40:09] you wanted like the warmest color scene between her and the yellow ranger yeah i feel like they

[40:14] wanted the credit of working like including a lesbian character but like just it just like

[40:19] oh and by the way here's one line uh i mean she doesn't even like say it expressly like it's just

[40:24] kind of implied i would say i give them credit for not having a lesbian character where being

[40:29] a lesbian is not what defines her what defines her is that she's a total jerk to everybody yeah

[40:34] all right and then she's got uh cool hair like laura from street fighter yeah okay yeah they've

[40:39] all got their their home lives uh and so uh yeah uh meanwhile rita has awoken from her mummy state

[40:47] and is going around killing people for their gold oh my god called gold dar she's mainly stealing

[40:53] people's gold teeth which means it's gonna take a long time to build this monster yeah if there

[40:57] wasn't already a leprechaun reboot i would in the works i would argue cast elizabeth banks as the

[41:06] fucking leprechaun she's amazing she's having a lot of fun playing this character elizabeth banks

[41:11] is the breakout i say this as she always has a huge movie career she's the breakout star of this

[41:17] movie like i was like i am enjoying reader of pulses antics far more than i thought i would

[41:23] because elizabeth banks totally commits to everything she's doing in it and she does every

[41:29] villainous move that you can imagine aside from her character never tries seducing anybody

[41:34] which i thought was like also kind of a step forward in that she doesn't use her sexuality

[41:41] as a weapon she's just like really mean and nasty and like she uh she's just like really chewing

[41:46] into it the way that when you see someone play captain hook in like a play in the theater

[41:51] production they can really like dive into this captain hook character except for christopher

[41:55] walken he didn't do it right but when uh when people are like look captain hook has no interior

[42:01] life he's just a dumb villain who's really goofy i'm just gonna play that to the hilt like she does

[42:06] that with rita repulsa and it's pretty fantastic yeah and it's fun to see her i mean like people

[42:10] i mean we know elizabeth banks primarily from comic roles and there's like obviously a level

[42:15] of camp to what she's doing because she's playing a character named rita repulsa but she's also who

[42:20] Who is it, a million-year-old power mummy who is stealing people's gold to make a gold monster?

[42:25] But she's also doing it kind of straight, too, even though it's silly.

[42:30] Yeah, she's playing if this character existed in a horror movie.

[42:35] Yeah.

[42:35] I would say, yeah, she is not.

[42:38] Like a serious horror movie like the Leprechaun franchise.

[42:41] Yeah, but she's not winking at the audience.

[42:44] She is playing this character, enjoying what the character would enjoy.

[42:47] Yeah.

[42:48] Which is, she's like, if you're going to see this movie, just see her, basically.

[42:53] I love the idea that Elizabeth Banks is like, wow.

[42:58] I directed Pitch Perfect 2, which made a ton of money, and I kind of broke new ground by being a female director who directed a movie that made a ton of money and even beat out Mad Max Fury Road in the box office.

[43:10] What am I going to do next?

[43:12] Rita Repulsa.

[43:14] Yay!

[43:16] I mean, let's, look, let's just say Elizabeth Banks doesn't half-ass anything.

[43:19] I haven't seen anything she's been in where she didn't give 110%.

[43:23] So let's say, you know what, Elizabeth Banks, you can bank on her.

[43:27] Okay.

[43:28] And you can take that.

[43:30] I'm glad you fucking paused after that.

[43:32] You can take that.

[43:33] You can take that.

[43:34] Pause for applause on that one.

[43:35] Look, I don't want to, look, I don't want to take too much credit for being an ally,

[43:41] but I think with my Banks puns, that's what I'm doing.

[43:44] Banksy, step aside because there's a new Banks in town, Elizabeth Banks.

[43:47] I would say the hardest thing about doing this podcast over Skype long distance is that we can't hoist Elliot on our shoulders for making those great comments.

[43:55] Yeah.

[43:56] Actually, I should mention that Elizabeth Banks is Banksy, which is the one thing I don't like about her, is that maybe you call it art.

[44:03] I call it vandalism, Elizabeth Banksy.

[44:05] So let's just not get so crazy with it.

[44:08] Elliot's like, those corporations paid for those things.

[44:11] Why would you dare to face those buildings?

[44:13] I mean there is a part of me that's like someone owns that – that was my problem.

[44:17] I don't remember if I've talked about it with Exit Through the Gift Shop where there's a certain craft and artistry to what Banksy does, whether I always agree with the individual works or where he's placed them.

[44:27] And then they had all these other graffiti artists where it's like this guy is a real artist.

[44:30] He draws his little alien character all over public buildings.

[44:34] It's like, dude, that's stupid looking and you're just a graffiti guy.

[44:39] That's just vandalism.

[44:40] That's not – come on.

[44:41] It was like when Christo's gates were in Central Park

[44:44] and somebody tagged one of them

[44:49] and the news was doing man-on-the-street interviews

[44:53] with people about, like, is that right?

[44:55] Is it okay?

[44:55] And there was at least one nutsack who was like,

[44:58] well, you know, it's just another type of expression,

[45:00] a graffiti artist.

[45:02] And I'm like, no, it isn't.

[45:03] Taggers are fucking assholes.

[45:04] I thought you were going to say,

[45:05] it's like when Christo's gates was in Central Park

[45:08] and Christo tagged the park by putting all those gates up.

[45:11] Yeah, that's like, Christo, I don't need your gates on my park.

[45:14] Did you guys see the gates when they were up?

[45:16] I did.

[45:17] It was nice.

[45:19] I liked it.

[45:20] I really liked it a lot.

[45:21] I feel like Christo is an artist who it's very easy to dismiss

[45:24] because his stuff sounds stupid

[45:26] and also one of his giant umbrellas killed a man.

[45:28] But aside from that, once you actually experience it,

[45:31] his stuff is really moving.

[45:33] There's a really great Maisel's Brother documentary,

[45:36] A short one called The Valley – Christo's Valley Curtain.

[45:39] That's about – Christo did this thing where there was just a valley between two high peaks, and he just made an enormous curtain, like multiple tons worth of fabric curtain.

[45:50] Oh, wow.

[45:51] And he stretched across it, and it sounds really stupid, and it cost a lot of money.

[45:55] But then you watch the movie, and it's like the effort that went into it and the impact it had on the community it was with, it was at a community that doesn't have a lot of huge public artworks.

[46:04] And at the end you have these people who are not just – when are they going to see something like that again?

[46:08] And they were like, yeah, this is really amazing.

[46:10] It's really beautiful.

[46:11] And I was like, oh, I have a new appreciation for Christo's work and the gates I really liked.

[46:15] I mean I'm a big fan that he did a big piece of public art that's just a reference to The Gate and Gate 2.

[46:20] That's what it was, yeah.

[46:23] He wanted to put in the monsters from The Gate movies, but they're like, we don't have the budget for that.

[46:27] It would be too beautiful, too perfect.

[46:29] We can't afford it.

[46:31] Anyway, so Brian Cranston gets to say the greatest line in the history of his career,

[46:38] better than anything he said in Breaking Bad or Malcolm Middle,

[46:40] where he says to the teens, have any of you morphed before?

[46:42] And it's like the movie is so, you're like, the name of the title movie is just Power Rangers.

[46:50] And they're like, why does this have to be called Morphin?

[46:54] Because they keep talking about how the morphing matrix isn't working.

[46:57] We got to learn how to morph, but we can't morph.

[46:59] We're not morphing.

[47:00] Why aren't we morphing?

[47:01] and it's so funny it's like it's just such a dumb piece of terminology that they're stuck with the

[47:06] old show and you wish that they just changed the name but they gotta do it because you know all

[47:10] these guys who grew up with the power rangers would be like oh why couldn't they call it morphing

[47:15] that's what it is let's just call it morphing and why are there so many women in the movie and why

[47:19] would you change it to infinity stones when it should be infinity gems yeah uh that one does

[47:25] bother me a little bit but it doesn't really bother me it bothers it bothers me in the way

[47:30] that seeing dan with the beard that he has now for the first time i was like wait what oh okay

[47:35] i see all of elliot's weaknesses and know how to call him out yeah no i'm wearing a very silly

[47:41] beard right now for the the listeners not i mean it's not really a beard it's one of those

[47:46] mutton chops that connects to a mustache well we'll take a picture and post it online sure

[47:51] and you got a little soul patch underneath yeah i i'm i'm mid-shave and i just decided to have a

[47:56] little little goofy fun with my shaving wait yeah wait this is just a temporary thing i thought this

[48:01] was a permanent lifestyle choice dan yeah i'm also gonna get a chopper and start oh cool tearing it

[48:07] up okay you're gonna put adamantium on your skeleton so you have unbreakable bones yeah

[48:12] maybe maybe somebody will do a series of memes of you fighting with your son i don't know what those

[48:17] yeah yeah suddenly that was one of those memes that came up that uh what is that uh is that

[48:24] american chopper is that a different one yeah i like couldn't remember what what shows from where

[48:28] it was like is this a thing that just happened recently or is this an old thing because suddenly

[48:32] everyone's doing this meme and it's not like i didn't hear in the news that the father killed

[48:36] his son on american chopper but uh anyway uh they have a lot of team building exercise training

[48:44] without their armor they they do a lot of hologram fighting with simulacrum of rita's rock soldiers

[48:50] and putties zach and zach which sounds like uh sounds like a dirty term and uh they should they

[49:00] get shown they have these monster vehicles called zords that look kind of like animal shaped vehicles

[49:05] they look kind of like dinosaurs and zach because he's kind of a crazy guy he keeps going i'm crazy

[49:09] i'm crazy yeah i'm crazy he takes his forest spin and he gets into an argument with jason

[49:15] billy steps in between them and his armor appears when he breaks up the fight he started morphing

[49:21] for some reason this makes zardon really mad and he kicks them out

[49:24] the thing billy manages to do the thing that zardon's been trying haranguing them to do and

[49:31] when they finally it's like kind of when a guy i guess like a guy thinks he was a high school

[49:35] basketball player and he wants his son to be a pro basketball player and he ruins his son's life

[49:40] and forcing him to play basketball and his son finally makes it becomes a star basketball player

[49:45] and now the dad hates him because he accomplished the goal that the dad could never accomplish like

[49:49] it's a real macaulay culkin and his dad relationship that we have going on between

[49:53] jason and zardon anyway in home alone no not in home alone in real life okay all the other

[50:00] characters keep being like how did you morph how did you morph what did you do to morph

[50:04] and you know it's pretty clear to the viewer what's going on that the care that billy took

[50:10] uh for his friends is what caused him to morph but these idiots can't crack the code they're like did

[50:16] you say a magic word like were your were your big toe and your little toe crossed like how did you

[50:21] do it like well what was that what was the thing are you wearing your underpants backwards like

[50:25] how did you morph what's the secret what do you have in your pockets do you have any charms in

[50:29] there now guys i gotta i gotta admit something this was around the time of the movie when

[50:34] i'd had a couple of drinks and it was pretty late and i was kind of falling asleep

[50:38] all right no you pulled a dan and it's fine okay i'll well you pulled a dan thinking dan was a cow

[50:45] and then he could milk him yeah but in fact dan was a bull and he shouldn't have pulled him

[50:50] anyway maybe i should have who knows dan seemed to enjoy it

[50:53] good point i'm not judging so uh jason confronts zordon and it's like you just wanted to use the

[51:02] morphing matrix to come back to life and zordon's like i'm the only one who can stop rita and jason's

[51:07] like you didn't stop her before and the whole audience is like meanwhile rita finally realizes

[51:14] she should stop trying to build a giant monster out of individual gold fillings torn out of the

[51:19] mouths of homeless men and goes to a jewelry store where she eats a ton of gold that's amazing is

[51:24] she walks in looking like a looking like a crazy person and the person at the jewelry

[51:30] jewelry store is like help you and she's like gold and starts eating the gold and the woman

[51:36] at the jewelry counter is like uh okay ma'am like what are you um like she's like it's okay if you

[51:42] eat now but you're gonna have to settle up at the end so i'm just gonna keep a tally yeah and

[51:47] But it's like you have to wonder how many crazy customers are coming into the Angel Grove jewelry store that this woman is like, this is kind of weird, but it's not so weird that I'm going to say anything or object to her eating all the gold from the case.

[51:59] It's also – Angel Grove seems to be kind of like a working class town.

[52:04] It's based around a fishery.

[52:05] How do they have this amazingly well-equipped jewelry store?

[52:08] Like what's that?

[52:10] I know most towns have jewelry stores, but they're usually not – this is the size of like a Beverly Hills Rodeo Drive jewelry store.

[52:15] That's true.

[52:16] explain the economy of angel grove i don't mind dude yeah that's true oh you're saying

[52:22] gold is so cheap there yeah okay it makes sense throw it away the um all those all those dwarves

[52:29] from the old country that worked with gold inside the mountains came to america and settled in angel

[52:35] grove and so there's a rich mythical gold crafting uh industry there yeah the nibbling

[52:40] when they emigrated from germany i guess what when hitler came to power yeah they all settled

[52:47] in angel grove yeah they had pockets bursting with rhine gold uh so and rolled gold pretzels

[52:55] was this around the time the uh the security guard showed up and just started blasting rita

[53:01] with a shotgun yes and it was like yeah that's some fucking rough justice in that town man just

[53:07] Because you're a crazy person eating gold, you get blasted.

[53:10] Well, she did eat a lot of gold.

[53:11] She decides, but it is crazy.

[53:14] This guy just starts, it's like the guy came in and was like, the employee here is really underreacting to her eating all that gold.

[53:20] I'm going to overreact and just begin firing at her.

[53:23] But luckily she's super tough.

[53:24] I'm glad that his sidearm is a fucking pump action, too.

[53:27] Yeah, also he's firing a shotgun at her, which is crazy.

[53:30] He's like, we're in a place with a lot of valuables.

[53:33] I'm going to use the scatteriest thing possible.

[53:37] And also, standing behind the person I'm aiming at is the innocent employee.

[53:42] I'll just use the weapon that's most likely to kill them both.

[53:45] I mean, she knew what she was signing up for when she took that job at a jewelry store.

[53:49] It's similar to the samurai of old when they would have a funeral ceremony because once they go to war, they are as good as dead.

[53:59] They have already given their life.

[54:00] Yeah, they're either coming back triumphant or on their shields.

[54:03] Yes.

[54:05] Now, I mean, I guess it's not samurai who would come back on their shields, but you know what I'm talking about.

[54:08] I do know.

[54:09] So Rita, though, makes a rock monster, and the rock monster, I assume, kills the police officer.

[54:16] So the rangers, meanwhile, they bond with each other around the campfire, and they kind of open up about who they are as people.

[54:24] And I'll admit this.

[54:25] This scene affected me much more than it should have.

[54:28] It felt, for a stupid kind of faux gritty reboot of a dumb kids show, it was like, okay, I feel like these teens actually are making friends in a way that they never thought they could before, like on a deeper level.

[54:43] And I'm a total sucker for any movie where the message is that you are only as strong as your connections with other people.

[54:51] there's the scene in spider-man 2 that makes me cry every time after he saved that subway train

[54:58] car full of people from dr octopus and he is just he is wiped out he is exhausted he's all tuckered

[55:03] out and he's gonna fall into the harbor and they there's the shot of his chest emblem as one after

[55:09] another the hands of the commuters grab him and pull him in and it's like that scene always seems

[55:14] so beautiful to me or it's like he's a superhero but even superheroes need other people like they

[55:19] no you can't save yourself you can only be saved by another and so this scene really grabbed

[55:23] something that's a particular emotional trigger for me and i wonder so if you guys all found it

[55:28] dumb or found anything real in it or not um i mean i i don't want to skip ahead to final judgments

[55:36] but all the stuff about them like being like teens like in like discovering their powers and

[55:43] uh sort of just relating as people i kind of liked i like that stuff uh so i mean i didn't

[55:48] like really get like emotionally involved in this scene in particular i don't think but

[55:52] i was kind of falling i was in and out of a dream state at that point okay that's fair

[56:00] because here's the other thing with the movie as much as i am a big sucker for

[56:04] hey our power is built on our friendship this movie hits that message over the head so many

[56:09] times yeah and by the end of it i was like movie just shut up i don't want to hear it anymore

[56:15] There's a, by the end of it, we'll get to it,

[56:17] but they basically do their version of the scene at the end of Toy Story 3

[56:20] where all the toys are holding hands as inevitable death waits to swallow them up.

[56:26] And that scene, when it happens in Toy Story 3, I was crying.

[56:29] These are characters I grew up with.

[56:30] I've been watching them for decades.

[56:32] Whereas in Power Rangers, I was like, ugh, get over it, Power Rangers.

[56:36] We get it, you're friends.

[56:37] Anyway, which reminds me, have you guys ever seen the video of this guy

[56:42] made a version of toy story 3 where they're being their conveyor belts taking them towards the fire

[56:47] and then it just goes to the credits yes and he shows that to his family and and his mother is

[56:54] like what that's it that's the ending yeah it's pretty good look it up on youtube i guess guys

[57:01] oh i look it up i guess toy story 3 sad ending watch but uh there's a it's like there's a scene

[57:08] it's it's uh it made up for all those two girls one cup reaction videos i had to watch at work

[57:13] once where i was like i can't see people be subjected to this anymore but this one's pretty

[57:17] funny i mean i feel like that's a valid human resource complaint that you had to watch those

[57:22] oh i'll never forget the day when i was an intern at the daily show and they said we need that we

[57:27] need a scene from a gay porn where they're talking before they start having sex go through all these

[57:33] gay porn videos and find that and i'm just watching man-on-man action for a couple hours at work and

[57:39] it was like oh that's right porn movies don't usually have those scenes like this like a lot

[57:45] of these were just two guys in army uniforms walking into a room and having sex with each

[57:51] other there was no story that i had to i had to work through like sirs this is a post office

[57:57] i mean it's for you as the viewer to sort of supply the story you're like okay well i guess

[58:03] these are two uh army men who uh they're on leave yeah they don't have much time but before their

[58:07] next uh ship out time they're like oh this this pornographic film is like a haiku i have to read

[58:13] my meaning into the into the very basic structure i'm given just the barest outlines uh anyway but

[58:20] we'll get to that so uh they uh they all meet and they bond and uh repulsa visits kimberly at night

[58:27] and says i'll let you live if you give me the crystal kimberly again who is the cheerleader

[58:31] she explains to jason that i thought she's a bad person i thought she went after i thought she went

[58:35] after trini she also goes after trini she goes to both of them i think oh you know what or maybe i

[58:41] got them mixed up that's possible i think they're both trini oh they're both brunette women i thought

[58:46] she went to kimberly she comes she comes to the rangers later and she's got like claw marks all

[58:51] over yeah oh yeah yeah and uh so kimberly goes to jason and says i'm a bad person my best friend

[58:58] sent me a sexy picture of herself and then i sent it to my boyfriend and then it got all over school

[59:03] and he's like hey you gotta forgive yourself you're not a bad person and it's like well what

[59:08] she did was pretty bad like i buy into the idea of redemption but what she did was pretty terrible

[59:13] and uh well so well i don't know it's like is there does does saving the world from rita repulsa

[59:20] make up for her i guess revenge porn betrayal of her best friend i don't know that's up to the

[59:26] teens of today to decide they have a relationship with nude selfies than i do i don't yeah i'm not

[59:31] gonna set somebody else's ethical or moral uh yardstick you know yeah yeah that's fair that's

[59:37] very fair only only judy can judge me is what i'm saying and perhaps judge joe brown yeah

[59:44] but not hot bench they can fuck off so the kids vote they say hey even though we can't morph

[59:51] we're still super strong we'll go confront rita before she destroys the town they go

[59:55] armed with pipes and chains like they're gonna fight the baseball furies yeah and uh there's a

[1:00:00] dimly lit fight rita wins and uh she threatens zach's life to get billy to reveal where the

[1:00:06] the zeo crystal is because he has discovered it turns out it's underneath a krispy kreme in the

[1:00:11] middle of town does this mean they're gonna mention krispy kreme a hundred times in the movie

[1:00:15] yes it is uh they go back to the spaceship though and uh billy seems to have been killed uh-oh she

[1:00:23] throws him into the water and he drowns and they go back to the spaceship oh yeah because they're

[1:00:27] all like tied up to a boat right yeah they're all chained and they're tied up with the very

[1:00:31] chains they brought how ironic uh the chains represent their relationships with each other

[1:00:37] because friendships can cause you trouble too hey guys you know every sword is double-edged

[1:00:41] friendship even more so well not i don't think a katana is double-edged it's got two sides with

[1:00:49] edges on them right no i don't think so i think only one side has an edge okay well never mind

[1:00:55] then i guess my sword metaphor didn't really go through i was a little too general with sword i

[1:00:59] mean you could say most swords are double edged okay most you know what guys everyone wears pants

[1:01:04] when they sleep let's just admit on that controversy again where do you go when your

[1:01:10] friend drowns you go back to the spaceship and you make a promise to each other you know what

[1:01:14] we would give our lives for each other these guys have so quickly become not just friends but uh

[1:01:19] it's like a spartan you know uh army phalanx that they would die for each other and so they become

[1:01:26] uh-oh the mighty morphin emo rangers because this idea that they would die for each other

[1:01:31] it kicks the matrix into into reality and instead of using their power to bring zordon back to life

[1:01:37] zordon says no i'm gonna use it to bring billy back to life oh he won their trust too now zardon's

[1:01:43] one of their friends also an alpha five the robot is like yes you guys are great you're morphing

[1:01:47] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1:01:48] You're morphing, everybody.

[1:01:49] And he starts dancing.

[1:01:51] Now, here's the thing.

[1:01:53] Would I have liked Alpha 5 more if he was voiced by Eddie Deason?

[1:01:56] You know it.

[1:01:56] You know I would.

[1:01:57] I mean, those kids got to learn that dying's easy, but living's harder, you know?

[1:02:02] Yeah, that's true.

[1:02:04] Yeah, they didn't go see Hamilton because the tickets were too expensive.

[1:02:07] So they didn't learn that.

[1:02:09] Now they can morph.

[1:02:10] They get their overcomplicated armor.

[1:02:12] There's the obligatory slow-mo walking towards the camera shot,

[1:02:15] Which no longer makes you look tough or cool

[1:02:17] It just looks like you can't walk at normal speed

[1:02:20] Which is not going to help you in a fight

[1:02:22] If you can't walk at a normal speed

[1:02:24] Okay, Rita

[1:02:25] Finally makes Goldar

[1:02:27] She waited till the morning for some reason

[1:02:29] Rita was like

[1:02:31] She was all tuckered out

[1:02:32] I'm real tuckered out from fighting those Power Rangers

[1:02:35] I know where the Zeo Crystal is

[1:02:36] But I'm going to get a good rest

[1:02:38] Because when I take over the world

[1:02:39] I want to be well rested so I can really enjoy it

[1:02:42] I don't want to be running on fumes

[1:02:44] when I'm killing all the world's leaders.

[1:02:46] I mean, it's been like 65 million years.

[1:02:49] Why would she rush?

[1:02:50] Good point.

[1:02:52] She's waited this long.

[1:02:53] She really has to psych herself up,

[1:02:55] listen to her workout mix,

[1:02:56] like really get in the right mindset,

[1:02:57] maybe do some TM, you know,

[1:02:59] just get centered, you know.

[1:03:01] Yeah, and catch up on her TV shows,

[1:03:04] you know, on her stories.

[1:03:05] Yeah, catch up on her stories.

[1:03:07] She missed 65 million years of TV.

[1:03:09] She's like, oh, talk about peak TV.

[1:03:11] I've got to watch all the shows.

[1:03:14] Everyone's been telling me to watch Breaking Bad, which, by the way, reminds me of that guy.

[1:03:18] She's like, I get why teens like Frasier now.

[1:03:22] So she makes an army of her rock monsters, which I think are called putties.

[1:03:31] Is that true?

[1:03:32] It is.

[1:03:32] We already covered that.

[1:03:33] It sounds like a gross body part.

[1:03:35] Oh, that's right.

[1:03:36] That's right.

[1:03:36] We did talk about that.

[1:03:37] And what are the good guys going to do but break out their zords?

[1:03:41] we hear the one refrain of go go power rangers sung in the movie and you're like movie come on

[1:03:46] it's like it's so half-hearted and dumb like why'd you even bother it feels so out of place in this

[1:03:53] movie like the movie's gotten gotten you know like gone to such lengths to try and make power

[1:03:58] like power rangers this serious thing and then it's just the old theme song go go power rangers

[1:04:05] as they fly through the air yeah because they're expecting the audience to be like what and like

[1:04:11] start cheering and throwing their popcorn in the air like they're gremlins yeah yeah going hi ho

[1:04:17] hi ho and then billy burns down blows up the movie theater so you don't find out how the movie ends

[1:04:25] yeah guys do you think the real tragedy of gremlins is that billy destroys one of the

[1:04:30] original prince of snow white yeah i mean yeah i mean the tragedy is not the loss of almost an

[1:04:38] entire species of gremlins that's i wish that while they're exploding uh someone from like

[1:04:45] the epa came in and said billy pelzer those are that's an endangered species you're under arrest

[1:04:49] now there's only one left stripe and we gotta get and i guess gizmo if you consider him the

[1:04:55] same species we don't know how to classify a species that reproduces this way and changes

[1:05:00] so clearly between one form and another and i mean like it's not that different from a caterpillar

[1:05:05] and a butterfly yeah or like bread and toast well and the guy's like billy bread and toast

[1:05:10] are not species that's a different thing bread is not that different from toast

[1:05:14] yeah i guess he doesn't spend that much time in class yeah anyway uh they talk about the

[1:05:21] Krispy Kreme a lot.

[1:05:22] Meanwhile, Goldar, as we'll say, is a big metal statue with wings that walks around.

[1:05:29] I kind of remember it having kind of a lion face in the TV show.

[1:05:33] Was that true?

[1:05:34] I don't remember.

[1:05:35] I don't know.

[1:05:36] Who cares?

[1:05:37] There's a big battle between the Zords and all those walking rock golem putties.

[1:05:42] Goldar's just stomping around the town.

[1:05:44] Rita stops to eat a donut because you need those kind of hilarious little moments.

[1:05:49] It's like the Avengers eating shawarma, you know?

[1:05:52] Exactly.

[1:05:53] But it's in the movie, not after the movie.

[1:05:55] It felt like for a long time,

[1:05:58] every movie that involved supernatural powers

[1:06:00] had to have a scene in like a diner.

[1:06:02] Yeah.

[1:06:02] Because what's more down to earth than a diner?

[1:06:05] Anyway, the Zords fight Goldar.

[1:06:08] Jason saves his dad from being crushed.

[1:06:10] There's a lot of CGI battling, blah, blah, blah.

[1:06:13] It goes on for a long time.

[1:06:14] Goldar almost pushes them all into a fiery pit

[1:06:17] And they talk about how much they love each other

[1:06:19] And they would die for each other

[1:06:20] This is that Toy Story 3 moment

[1:06:22] Which reminds me of

[1:06:23] How would you guys felt about Toy Story 3

[1:06:26] If instead of them being saved at the last minute

[1:06:28] From their fiery death

[1:06:29] Instead they were melted

[1:06:30] The movie showed them being melted down

[1:06:32] And then that plastic used to make new toys

[1:06:34] That's interesting

[1:06:38] When it was happening in the movie

[1:06:40] What would the new toys be though

[1:06:42] I don't know something that a kid would cherish nowadays

[1:06:45] But it's like

[1:06:46] a like a phone because when i was a kid i was like i know when i was a kid i wasn't a kid i

[1:06:52] was in my 20s when that movie came out but or 30s when i was watching it i was like i wonder if

[1:06:57] they'll end the movie with them being turned to new toys that a new kid will discover and form

[1:07:01] attachments to and like they stay alive that way but they didn't do that yeah they like melt them

[1:07:07] down and they turn into the like the little robot from ai yeah exactly or but i mean the worst

[1:07:12] version of it would be i guess they melted down and turned into like sex toys and you know they're

[1:07:17] now uh now why would you even say live up to their names in a different way

[1:07:21] why are you saying this this is the worst thing i want someone to make a deviant art image of a

[1:07:30] dildo with woody's face and hat and uh and uh and a dildo with buzz lightyear's kind of dome on it

[1:07:35] and they're just like i guess we're i guess we're still toys you know i mean if cartoonist johnny

[1:07:40] ryan hasn't already done that good point but anyway but do they fall into that pit they do

[1:07:49] but while they do they i'm still thinking about it like now i'm thinking about like if if it's

[1:07:56] like toy story whether these sex toys come alive when people are around yeah they do and they talk

[1:08:01] to each other and they go like did you see what they did to me except they like it because that's

[1:08:05] what they were meant to do you can't name your characters woody and buzz and not have them become

[1:08:09] a vibrator and a dildo i mean i guess yeah i mean i guess they're bringing pleasure like whatever

[1:08:14] yeah they're still bringing joy yeah now they can interact with andy in a in a new way now that he's

[1:08:20] adult god now that he's a kid and he's experimenting and now that woody is like a butt plug or something

[1:08:24] now he can continue that relationship yeah that was the whole thing when uh woody is like oh he's

[1:08:30] not going to bring me to college with him and i wanted to be like woody you don't want to see him

[1:08:34] sitting there masturbating all the time.

[1:08:36] Like, come on.

[1:08:37] Or like bringing girls or boys back to his room.

[1:08:40] Like, that's going to be weird for you, Woody.

[1:08:41] Anyway.

[1:08:42] Yeah, and just like, and all the painful stuff

[1:08:46] that a kid going to college goes through.

[1:08:48] Like learning how to, I don't know,

[1:08:50] not leave gross food lying around.

[1:08:52] Yeah, exactly.

[1:08:53] Drinking too much, you know.

[1:08:55] Anyway, so last when we left the Power Rangers,

[1:08:58] they had fallen to their death in a big lava pit.

[1:09:00] Uh-oh.

[1:09:01] Hey, remember when I told you that they're stronger

[1:09:04] when they're together turns out that's literal because they combine their zords to make some

[1:09:09] kind of a mega zord and they have one of those dumb moments where billy is like we're in some

[1:09:14] kind of like ultra zord no ultra zord or no or something like that no that sounds lame a mega

[1:09:19] zord and it's like mega zord also sounds pretty lame billy i know but you've got to like have an

[1:09:25] organic way that they discover the trademarked name for this toy yeah it's just it's like uh

[1:09:31] any anything where they're like wait say that again you're right i'll be a batman you know or

[1:09:37] something like that uh they they combine together and rita combines with goldar which actually makes

[1:09:44] seems to make goldar fight worse because the rangers learn to work together they all control

[1:09:49] different parts of the body right there so i i watched this part uh in the morning because i'd

[1:09:53] fallen asleep by then um but uh there is a moment when she combines with goldar and there's a

[1:09:59] reaction from jason where he goes shit and i'm like guys i already get it this isn't my daddy's

[1:10:06] power rangers you don't have to start swearing you didn't need to say shit come on this isn't

[1:10:10] transformers the movie yeah guardians the galaxy or the smurf movie ad campaign we don't need it

[1:10:17] uh the uh anyway there's a lot of monster boxing a very short fight because as with ever in these

[1:10:23] movies the fight with the biggest bad guy is the shortest because the movie has to end these movies

[1:10:28] are all paced weird that way.

[1:10:30] And you would think that

[1:10:32] a giant being of living gold

[1:10:34] who is piloted by a single

[1:10:36] mind would be better than

[1:10:38] a giant robot where each limb

[1:10:40] is piloted by a different person.

[1:10:42] Like, have you ever tried to do

[1:10:44] a three-legged race? That shit's complicated.

[1:10:46] It is, yeah.

[1:10:48] Have you ever done, it's like on Whose Line

[1:10:50] Is It Anyway when the one person has

[1:10:52] to be the hands for the other person?

[1:10:54] They never do it right. It just ends up being

[1:10:56] really silly and ridiculous oh who's lying anyway so uh they stop rita they stop her and she jumps

[1:11:05] at them with her staff and the megazord literally slaps her into space because the final image of

[1:11:10] the battle that we want you to see is a zord piloted by a hetero white jock slapping a woman

[1:11:17] into space like it's the most dismissive like kind of loaded way that they could defeat this evil

[1:11:24] woman yeah who we don't know where she came from maybe she has a reason for being evil she was

[1:11:28] named repulsa that's a hard badge to wear through life like that's a scarlet r he just slaps her and

[1:11:34] and billy goes did you just slap her and he goes yeah i did it's like what a douche to the moon

[1:11:40] alice as he does it yeah and all the other kids are like we don't get that reference yeah is that

[1:11:46] a setup for the fact that in the show rita's headquarters is on the moon or something where

[1:11:51] she hangs out with bulk and skull the two uh two monster guys well there's that other what's the

[1:11:58] other what's the villain who started as the main villain power rangers who looked kind of like

[1:12:01] a monster with his skin off yeah i can't remember now like tyrannosaur or something like that or

[1:12:07] yeah i'm sure i'm sure somebody will so somebody will tweet at us yeah yeah like slim good body

[1:12:13] something it's probably slim good body yeah uh she goes into space and freezes she'll be back

[1:12:20] for the sequel no she won't this movie didn't make enough money and now they're just back to

[1:12:23] being teens and being friends and they love each other then there's they have an end credits scene

[1:12:29] teasing and i was like the credits start rolling and i'm like i'm gonna skip ahead to see if

[1:12:33] there's some kind of teaser and in the teaser the guy who runs detention just starts going

[1:12:36] roll call tommy oliver is there a tommy oliver here tommy oliver and he repeats the name tommy

[1:12:45] oliver maybe a thousand times and i had to look up apparently tommy oliver was the green dragon

[1:12:50] ranger yeah the green ranger that was originally created by rita to fight the rangers and then he

[1:12:56] just joins him didn't that guy vision wonder man type thing doesn't that guy have like a weird

[1:13:02] like the actor who played that guy has like a weird criminal situation i don't know oh i don't

[1:13:08] know i mean he was working with rita repulsa to destroy the world that's pretty bad yeah that's

[1:13:12] I don't know if it's technically – I don't know if there's a law on the books that says it's against the law to destroy the world.

[1:13:16] Probably not or else looters wouldn't get away or else Scott Pruitt would be in jail right now.

[1:13:22] But it was one of those things where, like I was saying, I was like, I know this is probably something exciting to Power Ranger fans, but I don't know what this is a reference to.

[1:13:33] And it reminded me when the Green Lantern movie came out and they had those posters that would just be like just the aliens with their names underneath them.

[1:13:41] It would be like a picture of an alien and underneath it would just be like, Gnox.

[1:13:45] And I was just like, what is this supposed to mean to someone who's not always like a big lantern head?

[1:13:50] You mean Gnort?

[1:13:50] Isn't it Gnort?

[1:13:51] Gnort.

[1:13:52] I'm sorry, Gnort, not Gnox.

[1:13:53] I'm sorry, Gnox is a silly name.

[1:13:55] Yeah, I've been playing a lot of that Injustice video game where you play the DC characters punching each other.

[1:14:02] So I've had to ask a lot of DC related questions of my comic book friends.

[1:14:07] Like, why does this guy have a flying cat character that vomits red stuff on people?

[1:14:12] Why does he?

[1:14:14] Because I guess that cat is like a being of fueled entirely by rage.

[1:14:20] He's like he's a red he's a red lantern character.

[1:14:23] Yeah, that's Atrocitus and Dexter the cat.

[1:14:26] OK, yeah, sounds great.

[1:14:28] So guys, let's go to final judgments.

[1:14:30] What did you do, Dan?

[1:14:31] I'm I'm being you for a moment.

[1:14:32] Guys, we're running long.

[1:14:33] Let's go to final judgments.

[1:14:34] yeah uh i as i teased before like i kind of enjoyed the early parts of this movie like

[1:14:41] when it was just teen stuff and like teen drama and i don't know like i mean like yeah i mean

[1:14:48] like i've got a soft spot for like soapy teen shit and then like they combine that with okay

[1:14:53] dan let's just quote it i've got a soft spot for soapy teen shit it's a weird fetish

[1:14:59] up you son of a bitch do not take that out of context dan's real take that context dan's really

[1:15:05] into somebody uh edit that into a weird soap on the poop i guess whatever dan i'm not gonna judge

[1:15:11] you you be you let your freak flag all right as long as nobody's getting hurt okay i'm not gonna

[1:15:16] soap shame you as long as those teens are over 18 that's fine oh god yeah uh no i i like the

[1:15:23] early parts of this movie i enjoyed the origin story stuff as silly as it was uh as soon as they

[1:15:29] got into like what are they called zorgs don't act like you don't know what they are i got bored

[1:15:36] like right when the movie was supposed to be at its most exciting when giant monsters were attacking

[1:15:41] each other i'm just like huh this is gonna this is just going on forever and it's like a transformers

[1:15:45] movie or something uh didn't care for it so i actually had it i mostly liked it i mostly liked

[1:15:52] did if you watch the first like two thirds if you're a big you know power rangers fan i think

[1:15:57] you'll be you'll enjoy it but otherwise i don't know yeah i'm gonna say i enjoyed the movie more

[1:16:03] than i thought i would similarly until that last third which is a problem i frankly it's a problem

[1:16:08] i have with marvel movies a lot of the time too where once it gets to the big climax i'm like

[1:16:12] get through it i don't care but uh but this one it's like i i don't i feel like i didn't like it

[1:16:18] enough to call it a movie i kind of liked yeah but it did work for me much more than i thought

[1:16:22] a mighty morphin power rangers movie would and i give them a lot i give the people who made it a

[1:16:27] lot of credit for that it's still not that good but it like if you like the power rangers maybe

[1:16:32] you'll like it i appreciate that whoever the people who made this didn't like half-ass it as

[1:16:38] much as they could have yeah i think those are all i think that's all fair the there there was a

[1:16:44] moment when i'm like wow they're spending a lot of time in this power rangers movie where these

[1:16:48] kids just aren't power rangers they're just like hanging out uh and that's fine like i guess that's

[1:16:54] cool and i guess we don't need to spend that much time with the boring giant robot stuff

[1:16:58] which is not something i expected to say uh but yeah you know it's all right i would say uh it's

[1:17:06] this is a this is not a great compliment but i would say it's it kind of tries to accomplish

[1:17:11] what the Fantastic Four movie tried to

[1:17:13] accomplish, the most recent one, and

[1:17:15] does it in a much better way. Where it's like

[1:17:17] we're going to take some time and spend time with these characters

[1:17:19] and look at them as peak characters

[1:17:21] first and kind of superheroes second.

[1:17:22] I will say, almost all the action

[1:17:25] in it is super boring.

[1:17:26] And Elizabeth Banks raises the level

[1:17:29] of the movie quite a bit. I liked every scene

[1:17:31] she was in where she was talking and

[1:17:33] vamping it up. Yeah, she's great.

[1:17:40] Hello, are you looking for a new comedy podcast?

[1:17:43] In which case, can I draw your attention

[1:17:45] to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast?

[1:17:47] It's a fictional industry podcast

[1:17:49] for the beef and dairy industries.

[1:17:51] It won Best Comedy at the 2017 British Podcast Awards

[1:17:55] and it features wonderful guests such as Greg Davis.

[1:17:58] To my knowledge, it's the only cow circus

[1:18:00] that's ever existed in this country.

[1:18:02] In rural Russia, every small town has a cow circus.

[1:18:05] Josie Long.

[1:18:07] You should have a beef.

[1:18:08] Have a beef with them.

[1:18:10] I have a beef with you. I will have a beef with you.

[1:18:12] Come round my house and I'll have a beef with you.

[1:18:15] And Andy Daly.

[1:18:16] That virus never existed.

[1:18:17] There was never any such thing as a mad cow disease.

[1:18:20] That was all an illusion that Big Lamb came up with.

[1:18:25] That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.

[1:18:26] Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from.

[1:18:31] And I would recommend starting at episode one.

[1:18:34] Bye.

[1:18:36] In a world dominated by dude bro movie podcasts.

[1:18:41] A world where Casey Affleck has an Oscar and Angela Bassett does not.

[1:18:47] Only one podcast is brave enough to call bulls**t.

[1:18:54] Who shot ya?

[1:18:55] With Ricky Carmona.

[1:18:58] A lot of people don't know, Porgs, Puerto Rican.

[1:19:00] Alonzo Duralde.

[1:19:02] I would eat oak jaw.

[1:19:03] April Wolf.

[1:19:05] I want to interrupt and say that the fish man was real sexy.

[1:19:08] Drea Clark.

[1:19:09] I have a real soft spot for King Kong.

[1:19:11] And women of color.

[1:19:13] I was like, damn!

[1:19:14] Right, Kugel got final cut.

[1:19:15] Kugel got final cut!

[1:19:16] I just felt like the film was so sour and so completely irrelevant to basically anything in life.

[1:19:25] Who Shot Ya?

[1:19:26] Listen every Friday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:19:35] all right so let's move on and uh we've got some quick ads here some sponsors for the show thank

[1:19:41] you to our sponsors for oh thank you sponsors you guys are great keeping the lights on keeping the

[1:19:45] lights on uh our first sponsor the flop house is uh supported in part by squarespace uh ready to

[1:19:54] start your new business make it stand out get started with squarespace where you can create a

[1:20:01] beautiful website to showcase your work or blog or publish content you can sell products and

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[1:20:27] And, Dan, what does that mean?

[1:20:28] Which part?

[1:20:30] The part before the customer support.

[1:20:33] Search engine optimization and analytics?

[1:20:35] Yes.

[1:20:36] I believe the first thing means that you will be a high result

[1:20:42] if people search for your website.

[1:20:44] Oh, that sounds good.

[1:20:45] Analytics, I believe, means you can take a look at who's been visiting your website.

[1:20:50] Can we call this a tech podcast now?

[1:20:52] Yeah.

[1:20:53] Yeah, we can file it in that iTunes category.

[1:20:57] Now it's the floppy disk house.

[1:20:59] Now, Dan, this sounds really great, and that's kind of what I'm looking for with this new website that I'm trying to get off the ground.

[1:21:05] Now, there's a conversation that we had earlier in that episode, and it gave me an idea for a website, and I'm wondering if Squarespace could help me, and it's called DisneySexToys.com.

[1:21:14] Okay.

[1:21:15] Oh, no.

[1:21:16] Now, who doesn't love the beloved Disney characters?

[1:21:22] What, from Squarespace?

[1:21:23] You think they would sue me?

[1:21:23] No, I think Disney might have a few words to say.

[1:21:26] i mean i try to get them in on it disney spelled with a z and two e's oh okay yeah yeah it's yeah

[1:21:32] it's disney it's spelled d-i-z-k-n-e-e like you have a dizzy knee like your knee when you heard

[1:21:38] it dan uh sex toys.com and it's like all your favorite beloved disney characters again this

[1:21:44] is not related to the disney that with mickey mouse this is the other beloved one with disney

[1:21:50] characters like licky mouse and uh and of course and uh donald fuck that goes without saying and uh

[1:21:57] yeah and of course and and goofy which is already a sexual name uh so we would take these characters

[1:22:03] and we're finally making the most out of them by they've brought us pleasure for years on the silver

[1:22:07] screen now what if we could have them give us pleasure in the bedroom now dan uh i think you

[1:22:13] might want to invest in this site also but you think squarespace would help me with setting this

[1:22:16] up i want people to be able to buy these toys over on their phones as well as on their computers and

[1:22:22] you think they could do that it would scale yeah scale for mobile it's a beautiful that way you can

[1:22:27] now what if wherever you want to now what if now what if uh i'm having people are having trouble

[1:22:33] they ordered a they're trying to click they added to the shopping cart one of our horace horse

[1:22:39] collars which is a cock ring and they and they it's it's the shot it's not showing up in the

[1:22:45] shopping cart there's a problem with with the software on the site there's how when can i get

[1:22:50] tech support from squarespace for that uh well yeah the i don't think the customers would directly

[1:22:55] get tech support but you would get tech support no they would tell me about it and i'd need tech

[1:22:59] support yeah who could i go to i mean they've got 24 7 customer support so i think you should be

[1:23:05] able to get those cock rings out post haste that's great because i've also got another idea for a

[1:23:11] site okay it's called www.danmccoysoapyteenshit.com and uh and i mean the name kind of tells you what

[1:23:19] it's all about and it's got that great dan mccoy brand that we've all come to trust for our

[1:23:23] strange peccadillo it's really crazy how you you're the uh you own the intellectual property

[1:23:29] of dan mccoy yeah well in a in a low moment dan sold me the rights to his name and likeness

[1:23:35] and also his life story in exchange for a hug and so and some would say i took a friend hey

[1:23:43] and magic beans and yeah and magic beans which you then ate which kind of defeated the purpose of

[1:23:49] having magic beans i was hungry uh so you didn't even like soak them in water or anything you just

[1:23:56] ate them straight which is crazy yeah which is nuts you just crunched on them like sunflower

[1:24:01] our seeds. Now, I want to apologize

[1:24:03] to anyone who might be listening to this with a young

[1:24:05] person in the room. I should have mentioned ahead

[1:24:07] of time that I was going to get a little blue.

[1:24:09] But you know who might help

[1:24:11] you with that was setting up your website

[1:24:12] www.elliotcalenboycott.com

[1:24:16] is

[1:24:17] Squarespace. So Dan, what should people do

[1:24:19] about Squarespace? You should head over to

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[1:24:23] and when you're ready to launch, use the offer

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[1:24:31] so use uh offer code flip no flop no why would you do that stewart no no that's how they track

[1:24:39] whether we're doing a good job for them if they use the offer so don't use offer code flip no

[1:24:43] flop no flop use the offer code flop now i'm confused all right well don't be why why would

[1:24:48] you do that uh moving on we're also supported in part by mac weldon um mac weldon is dedicated to

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[1:25:20] occasions that you go to where you want to arrive wearing matching hoodies and underpants yeah

[1:25:27] like a like a wedding or a funeral or a podcast recording yeah the the annual pantsless subway

[1:25:34] ride that improv everywhere does oh that's crazy what crazy folks yeah they really bring joy to

[1:25:40] people's lives yeah they're just bringing a touch of whimsy to everybody's life when they're just

[1:25:45] trying to get to work and live their goddamn life without someone butting in with some fake whimsy

[1:25:49] anyway mac weldon is a great underwear brand i love it it it feels great and you know what

[1:25:55] Maybe we should all live in a Mack Weldon world

[1:25:58] I call it Mack Weldon or Mick World

[1:26:00] It could happen

[1:26:01] The guy behind

[1:26:04] Improv Everywhere is a very nice man, by the way

[1:26:06] I'm sure

[1:26:07] And I'm sure the people who do it are very nice

[1:26:10] But I'm just saying, when I'm in a restaurant

[1:26:12] Eating lunch

[1:26:13] Trying to finish quickly because I've got to get back to work

[1:26:16] I don't need a musical to break out

[1:26:18] In the middle of it

[1:26:19] Elliot wants his Chipotle burrito

[1:26:22] And he doesn't want any whimsy on it

[1:26:23] he ordered it with extra hot sauce yeah maybe maybe i'm having a difficult conversation with

[1:26:29] a loved one at that moment and i don't need somebody having fun around me yeah actually

[1:26:35] has there ever been a scene in a movie like that that'd be kind of a funny scene where uh like

[1:26:40] someone's breaking up with a loved one or they've got or they've gotten a terrible they're having

[1:26:44] they're having to explain that they have a uh like a like some kind of lethal illness and improv

[1:26:49] everywhere shows up and is like hey everybody it's fun time and they have and they have to have

[1:26:54] this very serious conversation while there's like some kind of goofy nonsense going on around them

[1:26:59] and they get really mad about it yeah anyway somebody put that scene in a movie or i'll just

[1:27:03] do it uh and i'll sneak into my spec script for uh that modern family episode i want to write

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[1:27:15] it's some of the best underwear you can get and you know what something tells me you can get it

[1:27:20] at a website dan where do you go to get it well you go to mac weldon.com and you can get 20 off

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[1:27:34] that's flop listen to stewart it's flop is the promo i mean i think don't listen to stewart

[1:27:38] is a general life thing people should follow uh unless you're talking about gene wolf books and

[1:27:44] Which one to read first?

[1:27:45] Of course, Shadow of the Executioner.

[1:27:48] Come on.

[1:27:49] I think it's Shadow of the Torturer.

[1:27:51] My mistake.

[1:27:52] Don't even listen to Stuart about that, I guess.

[1:27:55] Guys, go to Squarespace.

[1:27:58] Set up a website about how much you love your Mack Weldon underpants.

[1:28:02] Like a Mack Weldon fan page.

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[1:28:06] That sounds great.

[1:28:07] Hey, Dan, do we have any Jumbotrons today?

[1:28:09] We do.

[1:28:11] I sent one to you to read.

[1:28:13] oh that's right and i'm looking at it right now okay everybody let's let's just talk about what's

[1:28:20] going to happen ultra 64 is the comprehensive nintendo 64 podcast in which hosts steve gunty

[1:28:27] no sorry steve guntley it was far away and woody siskowski these are complicated names i'm sorry

[1:28:34] steve guntley and woody siskowski play through the entire catalog of n64 games in random order

[1:28:40] fast funny and informative with some great guests including upright citizens brigade favorite

[1:28:44] betsy sudaro revisit some of your favorites like golden eye banjo kazooie and tony hawk

[1:28:50] and discover some crazy new favorites and flops along the way subscribe to ultra 64 today so

[1:28:56] subscribe to ultra 64 on itunes or stitcher today i gotta tell you guys i'm gonna listen to this

[1:29:01] podcast because i was a big nintendo 64 player when i was young yeah and i want to hear them

[1:29:06] talk about banjo kazooie one of my favorite nintendo 64 games and you know they're fans

[1:29:11] because they're calling it ultra 64 which was the name of the system before they called it

[1:29:15] nintendo 64 i did not know that elliot almost saved messing up those names yeah uh almost

[1:29:23] uh i never had i never had a n64 i'd always have to play it at other people's places

[1:29:29] uh so yeah maybe uh maybe i should revisit it too oh yeah this is you know we had you'd know

[1:29:36] we have a nintendo 64 at home if you ever go to my brother's apartment since as an art project he

[1:29:41] took all the old boxes for our nintendo 64 games glued them together into one big collage and then

[1:29:47] put it up on his wall so that's a little glimpse into the life of david kalin that's uh one way to

[1:29:54] set up a party zone yeah but uh but yeah it sounds like a fun podcast ultra 64 it's called should we

[1:30:02] talk a little bit about our live shows yeah let's do it we got three big live shows coming up where

[1:30:08] people can come see us talk in person and we'll be all dressed up and we'll do presentations and

[1:30:13] it'll be a lot of fun dan where and when are these shows how do we get tickets i need a ticket i'm in

[1:30:19] the show no you're covered i'll put you on the list i mean you can still buy one though yeah

[1:30:26] Maybe I will

[1:30:27] The first show is on May 26th

[1:30:29] That's in D.C.

[1:30:31] It's a Saturday night

[1:30:32] Yeah, on the 6th of the 9th Historic Synagogue

[1:30:36] That's in D.C., Deep Carolina

[1:30:38] No, Washington, D.C.

[1:30:40] Our nation's capital

[1:30:42] You should have said the whole name

[1:30:43] You should have named the city and not just the district that it's in

[1:30:45] Okay, well

[1:30:46] It could have been another city in D.C.

[1:30:49] In the District of Columbia

[1:30:50] The next one is actually

[1:30:53] A Brooklyn Homecoming

[1:30:56] that's uh on the 7th of june that's a thursday yeah at the bell house where we've done plenty

[1:31:04] of wonderful shows they're always nice they're they're okay oh wow brooklyn home and uh we also

[1:31:12] have a show in seattle on june the 30th at the neptune theater and all those shows are at eight

[1:31:18] o'clock you can buy tickets for them at flop house podcast uh dot com slash events very hard

[1:31:28] to remember for the dc show we'll be reviewing geo storm for the brooklyn show we will be reviewing

[1:31:35] the dark tower and for seattle we'll be watching the mummy uh i'll be a little i'll be frank with

[1:31:43] you guys the listeners you'll be dan yeah wait wait should we call you frank now uh i'll be frank

[1:31:49] with listeners the dc show is is selling a little slow i think it's because it's on memorial day

[1:31:54] weekend so if you uh like us touring if you like the idea of us touring maybe uh come on out support

[1:32:00] the show uh i mean if you're from out of town that might be a good time to take your little vacation

[1:32:06] who knows i know that people don't want to really be in washington dc right now for a variety of

[1:32:12] reasons but come on by and you know what i'm gonna promise hey guys let's try to make this

[1:32:17] a politics free zone on that show you know what let's give those people in dc a little break from

[1:32:23] the news what do you say about that uh i'm not gonna yeah i'm not gonna agree to that i can't

[1:32:28] either okay guys never mind isn't a politics free zone just another way to say that you're

[1:32:34] you know making the political choice to be supportive of conservatives

[1:32:37] oh wow wow oh boy that's a loaded statement controversial not sure i fully agree with

[1:32:43] but okay guys so if you want to see a really political show that's full of uh that's really

[1:32:49] bringing it to those guys in washington come see us well really we're gonna be talking about

[1:32:53] geostorm so that's yeah i don't know how i don't know just focus on the geostorm part of things

[1:33:00] maybe not and uh something that i've decided to do is for these we always do powerpoint

[1:33:05] presentations before the shows this is something that we've done at all of our live shows i think

[1:33:10] i'm going to start doing presentations that i only do once oh wow i don't know if i can if i can pull

[1:33:16] it off so if you come to the dc show you're going to see a presentation from me that you will never

[1:33:20] see again so i don't know if that whets your whistle i can't guarantee that i'm going to be

[1:33:25] doing i think the same presentation at all three live shows but there are different parts of the

[1:33:29] country so no one will ever know the only the person who flies from dc to brooklyn to seattle

[1:33:34] yeah i'll know yeah you'll be bored yeah that's true yeah and so if you want to share but each

[1:33:40] all these shows are special moments that will never be repeated again it's live theater uh and

[1:33:45] you know who knows what's going to happen maybe there'll be a marriage proposal maybe an onstage

[1:33:49] murder or perhaps we'll just talk about geo storm at one of them yeah aren't we just going to do a

[1:33:55] whole bunch of raw political comedy no again a couple of bill mayors we're not bill mayors

[1:34:01] yeah yeah uh yeah like a bunch of john mayors yeah like a bunch of uh louis b may louis g wait

[1:34:09] louis b mayors yeah i don't remember what his middle initial was what's he the mayor of uh he

[1:34:14] was the mayor of movie town okay so moving on it's time for letters from listeners listeners

[1:34:23] like you uh the first letter is sometimes you'll want to sing a letters song but your voice is not

[1:34:31] feeling so great because you might be coming down with something so what do you do what do you do

[1:34:36] here's what you do you push through you push through the illness you push through your stuffy

[1:34:41] nose and your sore throat you sing that song because people are relying on you all over the

[1:34:48] world there are people relying on this letters song and i can't let them down i can't let them

[1:34:55] frown i gotta be a clown for them i gotta let them hear so that they can cheer and they can

[1:35:02] show the world that there's still the magic of the letters song even when our throats don't feel

[1:35:08] too good we can still do a song that's way too long because it's a letter song for everyone in

[1:35:15] the world but especially the children okay well thanks for that um this thought i'd do my part

[1:35:23] yeah you're you're a real philanthropist um so this first letter is from patrick doherty

[1:35:31] oh hey patrick oh sorry patrick last name with help i forgot our bit wow okay wow dan i forgot

[1:35:37] a long time bit you just you just un you just unmasked that person elder brother of shannon

[1:35:43] doherty i was so i was so bedazzled by your letter song but anyway uh it's powerful dearest

[1:35:51] the flop house i was in an art slash porn class in college it's not as exciting as it sounds it

[1:35:58] explored the line that separates art and porn uh right around the time when it came out that chuck

[1:36:03] palahniuk was gay it was pointed out by the professor that knowing he's gay makes many parts

[1:36:09] of fight club seem homoerotic i don't think that knowing that you don't i don't think you need to

[1:36:13] know that uh yeah they were pretty homoerotic before then uh but anyway he writes are there

[1:36:17] any movies where you found out something about the personal

[1:36:19] life of the director or writer

[1:36:21] that changed the way you saw the movie?

[1:36:23] Thanks, Patrick. Last name

[1:36:25] disclosed.

[1:36:26] Yeah, I mean,

[1:36:29] the super obvious recent one was

[1:36:31] the whole Quentin Tarantino

[1:36:34] almost killing

[1:36:35] Uma Thurman in a car accident

[1:36:37] and then making Death Proof right after.

[1:36:40] That makes Death Proof feel really weird.

[1:36:42] Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like,

[1:36:43] here's a stuntman who has a stunt car

[1:36:46] where the driver could never get injured

[1:36:47] which is such like a strange fantasy that one makes after making a movie where a

[1:36:52] stunt car almost kills your lead but then also that person used that car to

[1:36:57] kill people and then he takes uma thurman stunt double from kill bill and slaps her on the hood

[1:37:02] of a car for one of the craziest car chases ever put on film yeah yeah that it's like oh this movie

[1:37:07] about a guy who uses a souped-up car to kill people to kill women was made by a guy who almost

[1:37:12] killed a woman with a souped up like a and a somebody was a close friend and considered his

[1:37:17] muse i mean it's crazy yeah it's very well technically i think just her feet are his muse

[1:37:23] sure uh but uh i think there's a go on yes no no you say dan you go first i think another obvious

[1:37:30] one is vertigo like knowing how alfred hitchcock uh was obsessed with grace kelly like the then

[1:37:36] this movie about someone making over a woman to be like his previous obsession uh i mean that's

[1:37:44] clearly a theme that spoke to him in particular uh yeah that's all i had to say about that i mean

[1:37:52] it's a it's a pretty well-known uh story i don't think we're breaking new ground just breaking new

[1:37:58] ground there until elliot goes something that occurred to me recently is there's all this talk

[1:38:04] about woody allen and how in light of woody allen's possible acts that manhattan seems kind

[1:38:10] of creepy now and it's like wait a minute that storyline in manhattan was always creepy like

[1:38:17] and manhattan is a movie i enjoy most of but every single scene with him and his underage girlfriend

[1:38:22] even when i was a teenager watching it i was like this is weird and creepy and i feel like there's

[1:38:27] a lot of people who are like oh it didn't bother me until i realized that he might have some kind

[1:38:32] of thing for possibly for underage women it's like no this was always creepy guys the author's

[1:38:36] intent does not change the creepiness of this original thing or enhance it it was always creepy

[1:38:40] yeah there's this there's scene where she's like why do you want to break up we have great sex and

[1:38:45] i was like oh come on that's that's i don't this i don't like that that's not okay yeah so just

[1:38:53] depressing all around you're just a bunch of real creeps making movies yeah creeps make movies what

[1:38:59] are you gonna do um so moving on it's somehow the people who make movies and they want their

[1:39:07] professional job to be telling other people what to do while they pretend to live out fantasies

[1:39:13] that they've crafted somehow those people are kind of creepy it's pretty surprising i don't know

[1:39:18] yeah uh well thanks for making me feel bad about movies in general now i will say so i watched i

[1:39:25] re-watched alien again recently great movie yeah and it like it really changed the way i looked at

[1:39:30] it to find out that ridley scott is half xenomorph that his mom was a xenomorph oh yeah and yeah and

[1:39:36] that she implanted an egg into his dad and that's how he and his brother tony were born and it was

[1:39:41] like oh okay now i see things about this character like before i just took it for granted the

[1:39:45] xenomorph is the monster but now i'm kind of seeing it more from the xenomorph's point of

[1:39:48] view a little bit now that i know that ridley scott probably really related to this xenomorph

[1:39:52] to a certain extent.

[1:39:53] Yeah.

[1:39:53] Yeah, that's a good, real example.

[1:39:57] Let's move on.

[1:40:00] Paul, last name withheld, writes,

[1:40:01] if any of you were to ever start a cult,

[1:40:03] what do you think you would call it,

[1:40:05] and what do you think Sabbath services would look like?

[1:40:07] This is a tough one.

[1:40:09] I don't know if I...

[1:40:10] It's really the kind of question

[1:40:12] I wish you'd sent us ahead of time

[1:40:13] so we could have thought about it.

[1:40:14] Yeah, I feel like, Dan,

[1:40:15] your cult would involve sitting around a room

[1:40:18] reading newspaper cartoon strips.

[1:40:22] oh yeah oh i have to assume that it would be like it's like on the sabbath we as is our holy right

[1:40:29] do not get dressed and stay in our pajamas and we reorganize our dvds as a way of symbolizing

[1:40:37] the reorganization that all lives must have yeah uh and now and anyway and church service or at

[1:40:46] the church of dan the services would be like this blessed art thou dan and then the whole

[1:40:51] congregation would go ah who makes us to feel the futility of things and the whole congregation

[1:40:58] would go that's pretty much it i think at my at my church uh it would be called uh elliot

[1:41:04] kalin's discount church yeah and you know what we just have fun everything would be a dollar

[1:41:09] and and like you know what's everything i don't know like all the stuff you buy at church i don't

[1:41:15] know i don't go to church you buy a church like the wafers you got to pay for those yeah how much

[1:41:21] That was like $4.99 a pop.

[1:41:22] It's a buck at mine.

[1:41:23] And probably there'd be a lot of like, I don't know, just talking about Abraham Lincoln.

[1:41:30] Sitting around chatting about Lincoln.

[1:41:34] So let me think.

[1:41:35] My cult, well, it would be somewhere in the backwoods, right?

[1:41:39] And we would get some rundown homes.

[1:41:43] So we'd have to find a way to get money for that.

[1:41:45] and uh instead of instead of paying for a trash company to pick up our trash i think we're just

[1:41:51] gonna like put it in in the house in places like i don't want a trash man coming around that'll

[1:41:59] disrupt our services now for sabbath that's gonna be tough so we're gonna need we're gonna need to

[1:42:06] get some uh some campers or hikers okay so we're gonna have to find a way to lure them in now

[1:42:13] i guess we'll probably collect hubcaps and we got to sharpen those bad boys to turn them into like

[1:42:20] wicked boomerang discuses right okay okay so we're gonna do that um that way that like if we hit

[1:42:27] someone if you hit someone in the neck just right it just pops that head clean off now we're gonna

[1:42:31] i don't know why you would want to do that we're gonna collect those heads okay you gotta you gotta

[1:42:35] wait so you are gonna do that okay yeah you collect those heads uh the bodies that's not

[1:42:40] important leave that to to attract wolves so that those wolves then attract rangers okay and those

[1:42:46] park rangers you know what those guys have and ladies they have heads okay okay so we're gonna

[1:42:52] collect their heads too so the heads are used to collect more heads exactly yeah well the no you

[1:42:57] keep the head and then you shuck off the body yeah you leave but what is what are you gonna do with

[1:43:01] that head okay now that's the thing heads have brains in them okay and if you put enough brains

[1:43:08] together you're gonna come up with some really good ideas so this is just like a think tank

[1:43:15] like a weird kind of so but instead of a tank we're just gonna have a gross bathtub filled

[1:43:20] with brains and maybe a couple bathtubs i don't know how successful we're gonna be before we get

[1:43:24] caught but okay and okay interesting uh i think i think i kind of covered the core tenants of this

[1:43:31] cold okay well sounds like a horrifying kind of death cult but and then watch in 10 years it's

[1:43:39] the number one religion in the world like it's huge yeah that's the thing you know uh world moves

[1:43:44] pretty fast dan uh this next letter is from esben last name withheld who writes hey peaches my wife

[1:43:52] is pregnant with our first kid a boy oh congratulations yeah yeah and we can't decide

[1:43:57] on a name.

[1:43:58] She keeps suggesting crazy movie and TV

[1:44:02] character names.

[1:44:03] Like Frasier.

[1:44:04] As such, I'm not against the idea if they were good

[1:44:08] suggestions. I don't think Frasier is

[1:44:09] crazy as a character. He's a little neurotic.

[1:44:12] In some ways, he's more

[1:44:16] neurotic than his patients.

[1:44:17] He thinks he hears

[1:44:20] things. Like he hears the blues

[1:44:22] calling.

[1:44:22] And also, tossed salad and scrambled

[1:44:26] eggs they talk to him very strange yeah yeah uh he doesn't know what to do with that tossed

[1:44:31] allison tossed out with the scrambled eggs they're calling again good night seattle uh the question

[1:44:38] in this email is what's the best movie character name for a boy keep on flopping in the free world

[1:44:44] p.s i've suggested elliot dan and stewart they're still in the running oh yeah uh so what's the best

[1:44:51] movie name for a boy like pinhead that's pretty good but are you referring to pinhead from the

[1:44:57] puppet master series or pinhead the cenobite that's the great thing is you can commemorate

[1:45:02] both in one name yeah that's true uh what about uh godzilla godzilla is a good one too because it

[1:45:09] uh it indicates what size and also uh radioactive breath now dan you'd probably suggest what david

[1:45:19] burn yeah that's right the famous the character david burn i mean he is kind of a character he's

[1:45:27] quite a character admit it dan you dan you met him recently and you said he was kind of a character

[1:45:33] right i was pulling pranks yeah that's right uh i mean i think you don't want to go too crazy with

[1:45:39] a name you want to come up you want to give your child a name that you know will help them stand

[1:45:43] out a little bit but people will recognize it immediately as a name uh while also commemorating

[1:45:48] a great film so of course i think zardoz yeah there's a lot of my great star wars names like

[1:45:56] like oh yeah like mace mace windu mothma yeah uh eland sleazebag ano yeah dexter jester

[1:46:06] mm-hmm uh nian neb nian neb yeah darth sidious mm-hmm and sypho ds

[1:46:15] sypho yep syph and uh who could forget such great characters names as walrus man

[1:46:21] and snaggletooth and and gonk the power droid i mean gonk the power droid is a pretty strong name

[1:46:30] darth plagius the wise would be a good one yeah yeah and of course uh lumpy chewbacca's son

[1:46:39] sure yeah that's a star wars name it's canon it's cat yeah the holiday special is canon right

[1:46:44] yeah introduced boba fett yeah i mean as far as i'm concerned when uh when disney took over they

[1:46:49] didn't destroy all that stuff just the timothy zahn stuff right uh yeah well all the expanded

[1:46:56] universe novels okay uh which means my tales from the moseisley cantina book is now worthless

[1:47:02] it's no longer hidden knowledge that i once thought i had about the star wars universe

[1:47:07] here guys i'm gonna get real for a second sure my wife and i are having a similar problem we're

[1:47:11] expecting a boy and we do not know what to name this boy and we're having trouble finding a name

[1:47:16] that we like a lot and one of the places we go to is art that means something to us and we've also

[1:47:22] been having trouble with it so i guess what i'm saying is this conversation has really inspired

[1:47:27] me and now i finally have a name for him which is moma nadon his name will be moma nadon ponda

[1:47:33] baba kalen named after two of my favorite cantina aliens yeah i like i'm glad that i'm glad that you

[1:47:40] we came to this decision together as uh you know as a group of three yeah as a family yeah yeah

[1:47:47] without your wife yeah she doesn't need to know i'll sit like uh she'll wake up from giving birth

[1:47:53] and she'll look at the birth certificate and she'll go oh what yeah or you can just like keep

[1:47:59] telling him that that's his name in secret and be like don't tell your mom but just you have a

[1:48:04] secret name of power and it's moma nadan conda beba and he'll be like dad that sounds pretty dumb

[1:48:11] and i'll be like it came from george lucas's brain it's not dumb there's never been anything dumb

[1:48:17] but i was told recently by someone who worked with george lucas is that apparently when george

[1:48:24] lucas would have writer's block he would just sit down and write lists of names he would just come

[1:48:29] up with names so he has notebooks full of fictional names and whenever they needed names for like

[1:48:33] characters that were toys or something he'd be like have some of these and he'd just give them

[1:48:37] a bunch of names from this notebook and it like some names would really stick in his head which

[1:48:42] is why mace windu appears like in different drafts of the star wars scripts as like a planet

[1:48:47] or it's like a guy or it's like a group like he was going to use that name mace windu so

[1:48:52] he puts a lot of thought into some of those names others not so much like uh uh like um

[1:48:58] that one character whose name is space droido that's not didn't put a lot of name work into

[1:49:03] that no no uh and uh luke skywalker's original name was space boy right and chewbacca's original

[1:49:11] name was was space bear ape and people were like george you got to come up with names for this

[1:49:15] yeah they actually that was his name all the way they even started shooting with some of those

[1:49:19] names and then they had to change it oh you see those production pictures of peter mayhew's chair

[1:49:25] that he would sit in and on the back it just says space ape space bear yeah and they're like george

[1:49:29] like these characters know that they're in space you don't need to like reinforce the fact that

[1:49:34] they're all in space like this is just normal to them oh man george what if it that space bear ape

[1:49:39] and uh and annihilation was really incredible right guys it's not in space that's just on earth

[1:49:44] wait a minute and it has no but isn't it kind of in space yeah we're all in space yes that's true

[1:49:50] because earth is in space good point okay fair point uh but yeah yeah they released some of

[1:49:56] those original toys and it would say like space boy space pirate back when the movie was just

[1:50:01] called wars and he was like how are people going to know it takes place among the stars the movie's

[1:50:04] just called wars and that's when i think it was brian de palma was like why don't you call it

[1:50:08] star wars and he was like because of all the stars in it like harrison ford from air force one yeah

[1:50:15] of course let's call it that yeah all right well we've cracked that code um i don't know what that

[1:50:21] You got some more jokes there to do, Dan?

[1:50:23] No, we don't have any more.

[1:50:24] Okay.

[1:50:24] Do you have any more sweet lets?

[1:50:27] It's getting a little dry.

[1:50:28] Any more Tracy letters?

[1:50:30] No.

[1:50:31] Well, there was one more, but we're running long,

[1:50:33] so I felt like we should...

[1:50:35] We'll just cut it off now on that great Star Wars riff.

[1:50:38] Cool.

[1:50:39] So listeners, write in and guess which letter Dan excised from the rolls.

[1:50:44] Maybe it was yours.

[1:50:46] And write it...

[1:50:47] You know what?

[1:50:47] Listeners, write in and tell us your favorite Star Wars name

[1:50:50] and maybe make up a story behind it.

[1:50:52] Maybe, you know what?

[1:50:53] Maybe we'll read them.

[1:50:54] We probably won't.

[1:50:55] But maybe we'll read them.

[1:50:56] You never know.

[1:50:56] Yeah.

[1:50:57] So let's move on to the final segment of the show

[1:51:01] where we do recommendations of movies we liked,

[1:51:04] let's say, better than Power Rangers.

[1:51:06] Okay.

[1:51:07] Let's set that at the bar.

[1:51:08] If that's even possible.

[1:51:09] Setting the bar kind of low, but that's okay.

[1:51:11] Does anyone want to go or should I go first?

[1:51:15] I don't know.

[1:51:15] You're talking.

[1:51:16] Go right ahead, Dan.

[1:51:18] I went to see, on Friday night, I saw, that's an important part of the detail.

[1:51:24] That's an important detail for the show, like what night.

[1:51:26] It's Friday night, feeling right.

[1:51:28] Don't dig a deeper hole.

[1:51:30] Just tell us the thing.

[1:51:32] I went and saw.

[1:51:35] Geez, Louise.

[1:51:36] You Were Never Really Here.

[1:51:37] Oh.

[1:51:39] Directed by Lynn Ramsey, who directed We Need to Talk About Kevin, which I never saw, and Morvern Collar, which I saw and liked a lot.

[1:51:48] um and starring joaquin phoenix as a burly guy that's his character in the yeah check to imdb

[1:51:58] it's a it's about a contract killer who uh is a very troubled man who saves unlike most of them

[1:52:05] yeah yeah very well adjusted usually he goes out and he saves uh young uh children who have been

[1:52:13] kidnapped and uh he's hired by a senator to get back his daughter who has been sold into

[1:52:21] prostitution okay and uh he takes his trusty ball peen hammer uh to go uh beat up a bunch of folks

[1:52:29] and get this uh daughter back but he finds himself embroiled in a bigger conspiracy and uh sounds

[1:52:38] like a like a sin city comic book no well the thing is it's like it is the outlines of it are

[1:52:45] kind of this gritty like brutal man against the world uh thriller but the end it's actually a

[1:52:52] light-hearted musical right well the interesting thing about it is the movie well hammer it's just

[1:52:58] you and me on the road again let's just see what adventures await for a man and his hammer

[1:53:06] like that song's in it yeah no the the movie kind of subverts what you would normally get in kind of

[1:53:12] this revenge thriller mode uh by not really showing you the violence as it happens i mean

[1:53:18] the violence that is kind of suggested is brutal and and horrifying but it kind of holds back on

[1:53:26] what you would expect like this revenge like reveling in the violence kind of thing yeah

[1:53:32] would be and it's a very elliptical movie and i will oh so you get a workout while you're watching

[1:53:38] yeah you do and i uh would while watching it i kind of felt for part of it like oh okay well this

[1:53:46] is a good movie it's not the masterpiece i've been led to believe like based on some of the reviews

[1:53:53] like isn't it basically just this like kind of tawdry thriller at its heart but then there's

[1:54:01] some developments kind of late in the movie that turn things on their head like aren't what you

[1:54:06] would expect out of the film that kind of left me i don't know i've it's i've been reflecting on the

[1:54:12] movie a lot since i've seen it because of the way it made me feel um and so you were left reeling

[1:54:17] and feeling yeah so you were never really here is my recommendation uh i'm gonna recommend a movie

[1:54:25] from I think it was last year

[1:54:27] that some people loved

[1:54:30] and some people didn't love.

[1:54:32] It's, you know,

[1:54:34] kind of like Mother, right?

[1:54:35] Yeah.

[1:54:35] Mother?

[1:54:36] Oh, yeah.

[1:54:36] I mean, Mother, I would say

[1:54:38] a few people loved,

[1:54:39] me included,

[1:54:40] and most people didn't like.

[1:54:41] So I really like Mother,

[1:54:42] and that's not what I'm recommending,

[1:54:44] but I really like Mother,

[1:54:45] but it wasn't until the other night

[1:54:47] when I had a bartending stress dream

[1:54:49] that I'm like,

[1:54:50] oh, that's why I liked Mother

[1:54:52] because it's basically

[1:54:53] like my stress dreams

[1:54:55] where like it's four in the morning

[1:54:57] and people keep coming into the bar

[1:54:59] and I can't get them out

[1:55:00] and like I'll go downstairs for more beer

[1:55:02] and come back

[1:55:03] and people have like climbed behind the bar

[1:55:05] and started helping themselves.

[1:55:07] Spoilers for Mother.

[1:55:09] Spoilers for your dreams.

[1:55:10] No, I'm going to recommend a movie

[1:55:15] called It Comes at Night,

[1:55:16] a movie that both the title

[1:55:19] and the trailers pitch it

[1:55:21] as like a post-apocalyptic monster horror movie.

[1:55:25] And it kind of isn't.

[1:55:29] It's just this small little story set in a post-apocalypse

[1:55:37] that's sad and, I don't know, kind of horrible,

[1:55:41] but it's beautiful.

[1:55:42] And I don't know, if you are looking for something

[1:55:47] that's kind of short and heavy, yeah,

[1:55:50] Watch It Comes at Night.

[1:55:52] I like half of those things.

[1:55:54] Which half?

[1:55:56] Heavy or short?

[1:55:57] Short half.

[1:55:58] By the way, You're Never Really Here is also short.

[1:56:01] It's like 89 minutes long.

[1:56:02] It also sounds heavy.

[1:56:03] Yeah, it is also heavy.

[1:56:04] Hey, speaking of short movies, this one's maybe not quite so heavy.

[1:56:08] I wanted to recommend a movie that's also within 90 minutes in length.

[1:56:12] This is a movie called Private Parts.

[1:56:15] Not the one you're thinking of called Private Parts.

[1:56:18] Not the Howard Stern one.

[1:56:19] Yeah, but you're always talking about how much you love that.

[1:56:21] I think you've already recommended it like four times.

[1:56:23] Oh, it changed my life.

[1:56:25] It's my favorite movie.

[1:56:25] I'm like, why didn't Howard ever get to make another movie?

[1:56:28] I just have to watch that and the video of his pay-per-view butt bongo special that he did years ago.

[1:56:34] But so Private Parts, it's the first feature film that Paul Bartel directed.

[1:56:40] Paul Bartel from Death Race 2000 and Eating Raw Wool fame and also who appeared as the usher in Gremlins 2 in the movie sequence.

[1:56:48] And it's a movie about a – it's like kind of a sleazy thriller, but it's a really good sleazy thriller where it's one of these movies where it's from the 70s, and there's this kind of ambiguous take on nontraditional sexuality where it's partly seen as horrifying and partly seen as liberating.

[1:57:11] But it's about this young woman who is a runaway.

[1:57:13] She's ran away to Los Angeles, and she goes to a hotel that her aunt runs that is full of weirdos and people down on their luck.

[1:57:23] It's like the kind of real transient hotel that cities have been gentrifying out of existence in big ways.

[1:57:29] Oh, like the one that was on the corner of your old block?

[1:57:33] Yeah, I vaguely remember that.

[1:57:38] Yeah, I remember that one.

[1:57:39] I kind of like that.

[1:57:40] There's that weird little hotel.

[1:57:41] Oh, yeah.

[1:57:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:57:43] That did like hourly rates.

[1:57:44] People always thought it had a bunch of prostitutes in it.

[1:57:46] Yeah.

[1:57:47] Or are you talking more like the hotel in Florida Project where people just like live?

[1:57:51] More like the one.

[1:57:53] Well, I mean, people live there.

[1:57:54] It's like people live there, but it's more like the hotel that was on Dan's block and

[1:57:58] less like the motel in Florida Project because it's not families living there.

[1:58:04] It's, you know, like single men who are weird basically live there.

[1:58:07] And she starts to become herself kind of obsessed with and also the –

[1:58:14] When you said single men who are weird, Dan looked me right in the eyes and nodded.

[1:58:19] She becomes obsessed with and he becomes obsessed with her with someone who lives at the hotel, this photographer named George that there's something about.

[1:58:31] And there's a murderer at the hotel, and there's a twist that comes up later that is not really that unpredictable.

[1:58:38] It's kind of predictable.

[1:58:38] But it's like the movie is kind of funny at times, but it's also genuinely like weird and unsettling, but it seems to feel like a real sympathy for the people in this hotel.

[1:58:52] And it's shot by – the cinematographer was Andrew Davis, who went on to direct The Fugitive.

[1:58:57] So it looks amazing.

[1:58:58] And under siege.

[1:58:59] It looks fantastic.

[1:59:01] Wait, he directed Under Siege?

[1:59:02] Yeah.

[1:59:02] Awesome.

[1:59:03] And so this is before he was a director.

[1:59:06] That's a movie where they do Die Hard on a boat, Dan.

[1:59:09] Yeah, yeah.

[1:59:10] Yeah.

[1:59:11] So if you're interested in seeing a movie that looks great,

[1:59:14] that was shot on real locations in Los Angeles.

[1:59:15] Did he direct Under Siege 2 Dark Territory?

[1:59:17] I don't think he did.

[1:59:18] No, I don't think he did.

[1:59:19] If you want to see this movie, it also involves-

[1:59:22] Did he direct Speed 2 Cruise Control?

[1:59:24] No, it's a different franchise.

[1:59:25] Because that's also on a boat.

[1:59:26] And no, he didn't do that one.

[1:59:28] anyway it's a really good like kind of smart trash thriller if you've ever wanted to see a scene where

[1:59:33] somebody has sex with a an inflatable doll that you inflate by filling it with water and then uh

[1:59:39] yes i do and you use it for kind of a weird like sex murder game so that you don't end up actually

[1:59:45] killing a real person uh then private parts is the movie for you and i didn't i did not do a good

[1:59:50] description of it uh but i thought it would if you're looking for like a 70s kind of sleaze

[1:59:56] thriller that has a brain and more of a heart than you than normal then private parts is a really

[2:00:02] good example of that i mean i felt like you did a good job i'm intrigued okay hopefully i think you

[2:00:08] would like it dan i think you'd like it yeah that's right up my alley 70s sleaze thriller

[2:00:13] yeah it's a corman movie but not a roger corman movie it was produced by his brother gene corman

[2:00:19] but it's very much a paul bartell movie and paul bartell like he made a lot of good stuff

[2:00:24] yeah i've had eating raul sitting on my jivo for months and i've just never got around to it but

[2:00:31] i've always wanted to see that movie sounds like a meal you should sink your teeth into

[2:00:36] says stewart wellington of the flop house about a movie he hasn't seen i've seen the case of the vhs

[2:00:46] tape and i think my parents had it on on tape too oh wow it's an adventurous movie for anyone's

[2:00:52] parents to have on tape i feel like i feel eating raul is one of those movies that is very much an

[2:00:57] art movie but it like broke through and became at you know kind of as mainstream a movie as i feel

[2:01:02] like it's kind of like um my dinner with andre that way where it's like this is an art movie

[2:01:08] like this is not a movie you would expect to play it like a multiplex yet somehow it broke through

[2:01:13] to the public consciousness in a way you wouldn't expect where people are aware of it yeah or might

[2:01:18] have even seen it that you wouldn't expect to yeah except for those millennials and am i right guys

[2:01:23] not knowing what's my dinner with andre wait what they love they would love my dinner with

[2:01:30] andre they love frazier and that's basically my dinner with andre the sitcom uh no i was just

[2:01:37] i i i don't i don't know why i made that joke it was barely even a joke justify your your dumb

[2:01:43] joke i do that all the time yeah um so guys now's the time in the podcast where we end the podcast

[2:01:50] okay we call it the ending and it goes a little like this yeah uh it goes for the flop podcast

[2:01:57] a good good podcast a bad good podcast or i guess you kind of liked dan uh i feel like the listener

[2:02:04] gets to decide that i don't think that i think it was kind of a podcast podcast yeah so i mean

[2:02:09] you know don't sue me or anything uh all right i won't sue you stewart

[2:02:14] um for the flop house i've been dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington and over here is elliot

[2:02:22] kalin just you know drifting off on this ice flow off to the horizon his time on earth has

[2:02:27] come to an end and now he'll be back again maybe someday in your dreams goodbye

[2:02:39] like okay this guy really took lemmy's death hard and he wants to see lemmy whenever he looks in

[2:02:53] the mirror sure okay yeah that's right maybe i'm in a band yeah i don't know yeah i mean when i

[2:03:00] would see if i saw you and didn't know you i would assume you were in a band yeah but that you were

[2:03:05] either a metal band or like a southern rock band oh yeah i was gonna say southern rock all the way

[2:03:10] yeah you do a lot of skinner covers i would say there's a lot of uh like three-part male

[2:03:15] harmonies in this band oh yeah and two guitars two leads yeah all right well that's been beer

[2:03:23] talk i guess okay beer talk so uh this has been brought to you by dollar shave club

[2:03:27] maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

[2:03:35] Thank you.

Ep. #256 - Power Rangers

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