Ep. #256 - Power Rangers

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Power Rangers.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] Will we say, go, go, Power Rangers, or no, no, Power Rangers, or uh-oh, Power Rangers?

[0:12] Brought to you by Saban.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:42] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:43] Hey, guys.

[0:44] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] And Elliot Kalin is over here in Los Angeles, beautiful, sunny LA, home of earthquakes and

[0:53] fires and landslides, and we don't have water.

[0:56] You guys should move out here.

[0:57] It's real nice.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] What's the weather like there?

[0:59] Like right now?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01] Right now, it's kind of a sunny, low 70s.

[1:04] It is 9.30 in the morning, so it's going to get a little warmer as the day goes on, and

[1:08] we're going to see a lot of traffic on the 5, so you may want to go around that if you're

[1:12] going to the beach.

[1:13] Back to you, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] All right.

[1:15] Well, in sports, stuff happened that I know nothing about.

[1:18] I don't know why I chose sports.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] And turning to entertainment news, it's Stuart Wellington on the red carpet beat.

[1:25] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:25] Oh, hey, guys.

[1:26] Coming down this red carpet, we got all the stars of Saban.

[1:29] We got Saban's Power Rangers.

[1:31] We got Saban himself.

[1:32] Oh, he's smiling.

[1:33] Oh, he's kissing babies.

[1:35] Okay.

[1:35] Now we got the Red Ranger, played by the guy from Billy from Stranger Things.

[1:39] Now, Stuart Willing.

[1:40] The guy from Billy from Stranger Things?

Elliott Kalan

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:43] Is that the spinoff, Billy from Stranger Things?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45] Yeah.

[1:46] It's like this harsh racist revenge story.

[1:50] Now, that scene where Billy and that one kid's mom have a weird romantic moment.

[1:56] That was Stuart's favorite scene in that whole series.

[1:58] All right.

Dan McCoy

[1:59] Because it was just weird and came out of nowhere?

Stuart Wellington

[2:01] Yeah.

[2:01] And it happened right before the end of the...

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:04] Right when everything else was getting really serious?

[2:07] Oh, man.

[2:08] That's how you make a show.

[2:09] Okay.

[2:10] Back to you, Elliot, in weather.

Elliott Kalan

[2:13] So, it's a beautiful sunny day, low 70s.

[2:16] Of course, it's 9.30 a.m., so it's getting a little warmer throughout the day.

[2:19] A lot of traffic on the 5.

[2:21] You're going to want to avoid that if you're heading to the beach.

[2:24] And back to Dan with tragic news.

[2:26] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[2:28] My life is in shambles.

[2:31] Okay.

[2:32] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] You didn't have to go that way?

[2:34] Didn't have to go that way?

[2:35] I didn't know where to go.

[2:37] I like how I was going to make a joke about your life, and I was like, no.

[2:41] I'm going to let Dan choose his own adventure on this one.

[2:43] I'm going to let him make a joke about anything in the universe.

Stuart Wellington

[2:46] And I do like, in tragic news, Dan's like, how can I make this about me?

Dan McCoy

[2:53] I just went with the first thing that came to my mind, which, of course, was about me.

Stuart Wellington

[2:57] While Dan stares into the mirror that's placed directly opposite of him.

[3:00] Yeah.

[3:01] The mirror that gets older while Dan stays young.

[3:04] Uh-huh.

[3:05] Yeah, what?

[3:05] It gets, like, tarnished around the edges?

[3:07] Yeah.

[3:08] And then breaks.

Elliott Kalan

[3:09] Dan, now this is not an L.A. local news podcast.

[3:12] No.

[3:12] What is this podcast, and what do we do on it?

Dan McCoy

[3:14] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[3:17] What?

[3:18] Yeah.

[3:19] Stu?

[3:19] No.

[3:20] Okay.

[3:21] This is always true.

[3:21] It always takes you by surprise.

[3:23] And this week, we watched Power Rangers, or as Stuart pointed out, it's actually Saban's Power Rangers.

Stuart Wellington

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:32] So if you guys, bros, if you guys are on the Amazon just looking to watch this movie, which

[3:38] is streaming on Amazon Prime for free right now.

[3:42] If you have an Amazon Prime membership.

[3:44] Yeah.

[3:46] So if you're searching Power Rangers, it probably won't show up.

[3:48] You have to search Saban's Power Rangers.

[3:52] So you've got to look.

[3:53] That's not how the search function works.

[3:54] You've got to look under the S category, not the P category.

Elliott Kalan

[4:00] Yeah.

[4:00] It's the producer of Power Rangers, Chaim Saban, who is an incredibly rich man who has his name

[4:08] literally on a hospital in Los Angeles.

[4:10] He, I guess, wanted to make sure his company's name was in the title.

[4:14] But you could just call it Power Rangers.

[4:16] That's okay, everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Is it also to differentiate it from the earlier Power Rangers movie from, what, like the 90s?

[4:23] When did that movie come out?

Dan McCoy

[4:24] It's to differentiate it from Blumhouse's Truth or Dare.

Elliott Kalan

[4:30] Yeah, sure.

[4:32] It's to differentiate it from that Power Rangers movie from the 70s about the girl who goes

[4:38] on a trip to Europe and has an erotic awakening.

[4:41] Oh, dear.

[4:42] Okay.

[4:42] That's what the TV show was based on, and they changed it a lot to make it about five teens

[4:46] who become superheroes and rip off Voltron to fight giant monsters in deserts.

Stuart Wellington

[4:50] Yeah, it feels like the 70s were a really enlightened time.

[4:54] Elliot, can you tell us more about the 70s in cinema?

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] Well, the 70s was a great time in cinema, bad time for humanity otherwise.

[5:01] Okay.

[5:02] Anyway, but let's move on to Power Rangers, shall we?

[5:04] Now, wait.

Dan McCoy

[5:05] Kevin, before we start now, I have no history.

Elliott Kalan

[5:08] Dan, don't worry.

[5:09] I know us.

[5:10] We're not in danger of starting anytime soon.

Dan McCoy

[5:12] I have no history with Power Rangers.

[5:14] Now, am I correct in thinking?

[5:17] Whoa, whoa, wait.

[5:18] Wait.

[5:18] Pump the brakes, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[5:19] You're talking about Power Rangers still, though, right?

[5:21] Might have been working with Power Rangers.

[5:22] I thought we were going to have to get around for a while.

[5:23] No, I have no history with this.

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] So when I said, let's talk about Power Rangers, and you said, wait, before we start, you were

[5:30] then going to do the exact thing I was going to do, which is say I didn't watch Power Rangers

[5:35] as a kid.

[5:36] Okay.

[5:36] Well, you know what this is?

[5:39] This is, if I was about to burp, and you put your hands on my mouth and said, hold on,

[5:43] hold on, hold on, before you do that, and then you burped.

Dan McCoy

[5:47] All right.

[5:48] Well, sure.

[5:49] I'm sorry.

[5:50] Well, then we can both talk about how we have no history with Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

[5:54] But am I correct in thinking that the show was made up in part of repurposed stuff from

[6:01] a Japanese program?

[6:02] Is that correct?

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] I believe so, yeah.

[6:04] There was a series of Japanese shows that they shot new.

[6:08] They used the same superhero monster footage, and then they shot new outside the costume

[6:13] footage.

[6:14] Or I guess the scenes where they're in their headquarters, and they're just wearing the

[6:17] costumes without the masks.

[6:19] It was definitely a, it was not a show that sprung whole cloth from the brilliant mind of

[6:24] Chaim Saban.

[6:25] It was a, it was very much a taking something that existed already.

[6:30] But there's a rich history of that.

[6:32] Transformers is just taking a Japanese toy line and making a show around it and stuff like

[6:36] that.

[6:37] And let's not forget the Lion King stole a lot from what, Kimba the White Lion or whatever

[6:41] it's called.

[6:42] And let's not forget that the movie Pearl Harbor was based on a thing the Japanese did.

[6:46] Okay.

[6:47] Well.

[6:47] So there's a rich history of American movies taking from Japanese sources.

Dan McCoy

[6:51] Yeah.

[6:51] But usually they don't take the actual footage is what I'm saying.

[6:54] But here they.

Elliott Kalan

[6:54] Well, I mean, it's not like you stole it.

[6:56] Like you licensed it.

[6:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:57] Like an American studio taking all of the, uh, Lone Wolf and Cub movies and cutting it

[7:02] together to just make one big movie called Shoken Assassin.

Elliott Kalan

[7:06] Well, that's a little different.

[7:08] That's the kind of thing that like a company like Sandy Frank productions would do where

[7:12] they would take either a series of Japanese films or a television series and edit it together

[7:16] into a feature that didn't make any sense.

[7:18] Here it was like, we're going to take.

[7:19] Like Mulholland Drive.

[7:20] Yeah, exactly.

[7:23] Like Mulholland.

[7:23] Well, kind of.

[7:24] Yeah.

[7:24] Well, I mean, Mulholland Drive wasn't a series.

[7:25] It was like a pilot that got expanded.

[7:27] So it's, in some ways, it's the exact opposite.

[7:30] It's the addition of footage rather than the subtraction of footage.

[7:32] Are you with me?

[7:34] Okay.

[7:34] Yeah.

[7:34] I get it.

[7:35] Because I think you hear me knocking and I think I'm coming in.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] Somehow, Elliot made math exciting.

[7:40] Mm-hmm.

[7:40] The new math.

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] But no, Power Rangers, I was like just a little too old for.

[7:46] Whereas Ninja Turtles, I was all over.

[7:48] That was entirely my whole life.

[7:51] And then I was just a little too old for Power Rangers.

[7:53] And I remember watching an episode or two and being like, okay, like I'm too big for this.

[7:57] I'm a big boy now.

[7:58] I don't have any interest in watching this.

[8:00] It's dumb to me.

[8:01] And so it was weird watching.

[8:04] And I'll just want to skip ahead to one thing is that there's a reference later in the movie

[8:08] to a character who doesn't appear in the film, but I guess is a popular character from the TV show.

[8:12] And there's just a tease of them.

[8:14] And it's like, oh, this is how America felt when Thanos showed up at the end of the Avengers movie,

[8:19] where they were like, what?

[8:21] Whereas I was like, I can't believe it.

[8:23] Thanos, when I was watching Power Rangers, I'm like, what?

[8:25] Let me look up this name because I assume it's a reference to something or else why use it?

[8:30] So Power Rangers, I guess we should just say, I'm assuming none of us have like a sentimental affection

[8:35] for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

Stuart Wellington

[8:37] Well, I, you know, I was too old for it, but it was also on television.

[8:42] So I would like, it was on television around the time I would get home from high school.

[8:46] Sure.

[8:46] And I'd be like, well, I'll watch whatever the fuck's on TV because I'm a dummy.

[8:50] And so, yeah, I mean, it would be on TV quite a bit.

[8:55] I don't remember much about it.

[8:57] I do remember there was an episode with like an evil, what is it, a Plinko machine or Pachinko,

[9:06] some kind of thing that they were all very familiar with, all the teens who are very familiar with.

[9:12] They're like, oh, one of these things.

[9:13] And I'm like, what is this?

[9:15] Is this from another planet?

[9:17] What is going on?

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] It is.

[9:19] And the other planet was Japan.

Stuart Wellington

[9:21] Yeah.

[9:21] Well, so that was cool.

[9:24] I remember that.

[9:25] Kind of.

[9:26] Clearly, as I don't even remember the name of the game, I don't remember it that well.

[9:30] Yeah.

[9:30] But I do remember there is, isn't there a, well, we can talk about this later.

Elliott Kalan

[9:34] We can talk about later.

[9:35] Okay.

[9:36] Well, but it's, so there are probably some people listening who are in the right age group

[9:40] where they're like, Power Rangers, oh yeah, the Billy, the red whatever, and Mickey,

[9:44] the black ranger.

[9:45] I mean, whatever is clearly ranger.

[9:49] There's like, there's like, you know, Cheepy and Grupo and all the, all the great characters.

[9:54] Well, I have no.

Stuart Wellington

[9:55] I find usually when like, there is a certain age group where when you're talking about your

[10:00] first like celebrity or onscreen crush, there's a certain age of fellow who says, oh, Kimberly

[10:06] the pink ranger, no doubt.

[10:08] Yeah.

[10:08] I've heard that.

[10:09] So I think that's, that's definitely an age like signifier.

Elliott Kalan

[10:14] And.

[10:14] Whereas most, whereas guys my age went straight from Cheetara to Terry Hatcher in Lois and

[10:19] Clark, the new adventures.

[10:20] That's your nerd, uh, nerd crush.

Dan McCoy

[10:24] Cheetara.

[10:25] I'm going to say, uh, no, I was going to say that this is a, this is an attempt to adultify

[10:31] the Power Rangers a little bit.

[10:33] This is a, I would say it's not your daddy's Power Rangers.

[10:36] Fuck.

[10:36] Yeah.

[10:37] It isn't.

Stuart Wellington

[10:37] So we open on a burning planet.

Elliott Kalan

[10:42] But I think I want to point out.

Stuart Wellington

[10:44] You see a Power Ranger being dragged in the mud.

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] How, how, how, how like the tensions between those two things, between how dumb the mighty

[10:53] Morphin Power Rangers are and how dark they want to make it are in that the main villain

[10:58] is still named Rita Repulsa, which is a hilarious name for like an intergalactic, you know,

[11:04] demon woman.

[11:05] But, uh, and that even not just the Repulsa part, but that her name is Rita is something

[11:10] that is just very funny where you're like, so is that our, so they all have alien names.

Dan McCoy

[11:15] She like brutally kills people in this movie.

[11:18] Hell yeah, she does.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] But also, just the fact that it's like, okay.

[11:20] And she looks like fucking Wishmaster, dude.

[11:24] But the alien, but the alien villain is named Rita, which is the name of Rita, a meter maid.

Stuart Wellington

[11:29] It's really great in that opening scene that I'm sure in the pitch meeting was like, hey,

[11:33] have you guys seen It's Hard to Be a God?

[11:36] Now imagine it's Power Rangers instead.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] You guys, you guys like Valhalla Rising, right?

[11:42] What if it was Power Ranger Rising?

[11:45] Okay, so we begin.

[11:46] Planet Earth, and right off the bat, this movie is lying like crazy because it says Cenozoic

[11:52] Era, and then we see some Pteranodons flying through the sky.

[11:56] Uh, excuse me, that's a Mesozoic life form.

[12:00] And what they're showing us is, uh, it's actually the dawn of the Cenozoic Era, which it should

[12:05] have said, because aliens in power armor are fighting a losing battle against some big bad monster

[12:10] we later find out is Rita.

[12:11] Uh, and they leave behind some power crystals and alien Brian Cranston in the one scene where

[12:18] he has to cover himself up with latex.

[12:20] Yeah.

[12:20] His name is Zardon.

[12:21] He's like, oh no, I failed.

[12:23] Ah, Rita, you betrayed us.

Stuart Wellington

[12:25] He does this all in a made-up language that is like, it's so great when he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, Rita, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] Yeah, it's like, go-cha-con-cla-cla-ta, Rita.

[12:37] I can't get your caca, Johnny.

Dan McCoy

[12:39] And this is also where it becomes very clear that Amazon Prime crops its movies weird, because half of the subtitles were off the screen for me.

[12:50] Oh, I did not have that problem.

[12:52] You didn't have that problem?

[12:52] Me neither.

[12:53] That sounds like user error.

[12:56] I don't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] I've tried to fix it several ways.

Stuart Wellington

[12:58] Did you, when you fired it up, were you like, go to settings, okay?

[13:02] Let me change the screen to be unwatchable, okay?

Elliott Kalan

[13:06] Now play movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:07] That's called motion smoothing.

Elliott Kalan

[13:10] Let me put it on can't read, don't read setting, okay?

Stuart Wellington

[13:13] Dan, you're a little late to jump on this fucking anti-motion smoothing bandwagon now that your boy, Rian Johnson, ruiner of Star Wars, did it.

[13:23] Let's go first.

Elliott Kalan

[13:24] Actually, Dan, you're late.

[13:26] There was such a big hate for motion smoothing that now the backlash has hit in, and motion smoothing is cool again.

Stuart Wellington

[13:32] Yeah, do you think all those Star Wars dudes who are mad about Last Jedi are like, oh, well, if Rian Johnson doesn't like it, I guess motion smoothing's cool now.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] Maybe, yeah.

[13:43] They love motion smoothing now, and they hate Paddington 2, the other thing Rian Johnson tweets about.

[13:50] Interesting.

[13:51] Okay, so.

[13:52] What a wild new world we live in.

[13:54] Yep.

[13:55] I don't know why I make fun of Rian Johnson.

[13:57] I like that guy.

[13:57] Anyway, so, Zardon, the only way to stop Rita is to call down a meteor strike, which kills the dinosaurs.

[14:04] Again, it's the end of the Mesozoic era.

[14:06] We're not in the Cenozoic era yet movie.

[14:08] This really bothered me.

Stuart Wellington

[14:09] At that point, I was like, that's how the dinosaurs died.

Elliott Kalan

[14:15] Yeah, it was just to stop Rita Repulsa.

[14:17] She falls into the ocean to the bottom of the sea, never to be seen again, or is she?

[14:22] Cut to millions of years later, as some teens are leaving a cow in the enemy school's locker room as a prank.

[14:31] There's, of course, the inevitable joke in a kid's movie about someone masturbating the cow, thinking it was a girl cow, milking it.

[14:37] And actually, they were just jacking off a bull cow.

[14:40] Because, guys, ever since Bill Clinton signs the Jokes I Find Hilarious Act, and the I was not me, the I was President Bill Clinton,

[14:49] which insisted that any movie that involves a bull must include a joke about someone mistaking it for a cow and yanking on its single utter penis until sperm juts out,

[15:00] and the person thinks it's milk, and I assume guzzles it down.

[15:04] Well, yeah, yeah, or puts it on cereal or something, right?

[15:08] Or in your hair, because you think hair products came out of a cow.

Stuart Wellington

[15:12] Or like use it in some kind of French creamy sauce or something.

Elliott Kalan

[15:18] Yeah, and like a mean, rich guy is like, feed it to me now.

[15:22] Mmm, delicious.

[15:23] And the audience knows what he ate, but he doesn't know.

Stuart Wellington

[15:26] And they're like, I think we should tell this guy.

[15:28] I think he might kind of rethink a lot of his life.

Elliott Kalan

[15:32] Yeah, get me my clearish gel-like yogurt right now.

[15:35] Oh, it's not very much, just one spoonful, but okay.

[15:40] Oh, this is interesting, very different.

[15:42] I'd like this again next time.

[15:44] And the like cool guy asshole winks at the camera.

[15:47] He's like, oh, I think that we've got an unlimited supply.

[15:49] And then you zoom into his testicles and you see his testicles going, amp up production, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[15:54] We got a new customer out there.

[15:56] Wait, is that guy a cow?

[16:01] Is he like some kind of like bullheaded minotaur character?

[16:04] Cool cow wearing shades.

[16:05] He's like a cow with sunglasses.

Elliott Kalan

[16:06] He's like a cow from like a Sandra Boynton book who's got sunglasses and sings or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[16:11] He's like the cow that the cow from the skinny cow box kind of wants a date, but, you know, is a little too nervous to ask out.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] Oh, yeah, because he's so intimidating.

[16:20] But really, he wants affection the most.

[16:22] And that cool exterior, that's just a wall he puts up against the world.

[16:25] Because he's afraid of being hurt again.

[16:27] Yeah, it's a real cool as ice scenario.

[16:30] So anyway, this is a movie that is – like you said, you're not your daddy's Power Rangers.

[16:36] We're going to have jokes about bull sperm in this one.

[16:40] So they get – but the police catch them.

[16:42] They get into a CGI driver's POV car crash.

[16:46] I will say –

[16:46] Something like hardcore Henry.

Stuart Wellington

[16:47] I will say I kind of like this opening sequence.

[16:53] Like it was – I mean it was way more style.

[16:55] I mean other than, of course, the hilarious joke because I was laughing too hard to pay attention to the dialogue.

[17:01] The joke about jacking off a bull.

[17:03] I don't know if that was clear.

[17:04] Was that clear?

[17:05] Oh, yeah, that was clear.

[17:05] Did I make it clear?

[17:06] Yeah, yeah.

[17:06] Okay.

[17:07] Yeah, you loved it.

[17:07] But I liked – I mean there was way more style to it than I expected.

Elliott Kalan

[17:12] Oh, yeah.

[17:12] Let me just tell you one thing.

[17:14] This movie was – and I might be skipping final judgments ahead.

[17:18] Spoiler alert.

[17:19] Not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

[17:22] Did I have very low standards for it?

[17:24] Yes.

[17:24] But I found it to be a much more serviceable kind of like superhero story than I thought it was aside from the masturbating the cow joke, which I don't – again, that's hack stuff.

[17:33] Thank you, President Bill Clinton.

[17:34] Another terrible thing you did in office.

[17:36] But he was like – he's like, I love sperm.

[17:39] I think it's funny.

[17:40] And sperm will never be my comeuppance.

[17:42] It will never ironically lead to my possible downfall.

[17:45] That's a good joke.

Stuart Wellington

[17:45] That's a good pun.

[17:46] Yeah.

[17:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] It's not a pun.

[17:49] Oh, comeuppance.

[17:50] I didn't even see.

Stuart Wellington

[17:50] Yeah.

[17:51] By the way, Elliot, that is probably the laziest Bill Clinton impression I've ever heard.

Elliott Kalan

[17:57] No, this is the laziest Bill Clinton impression.

[17:58] You didn't even try it.

[17:59] This is – I'm Bill Clinton.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:06] Or what about like – it's-a-me, President Guillermo Clinton.

[18:14] Like that.

[18:15] I mean, I don't know if that's lazy so much as just misguided.

[18:18] Okay.

[18:19] Yeah.

[18:20] And slightly racist.

[18:21] Okay.

[18:21] So the leader of this group, the Leonardo, if you will, he gets caught.

[18:26] Three weeks later, we find out this kid, Jason Scott, a huge football star at the school.

[18:31] He has his own display case at the school he goes to just for him with his jersey in it because he's been deified in life like a pharaoh.

[18:39] He didn't rat out the other kids because even though he stole a cow and tortured this cow by bringing it to this other school's locker room and having his friend molest it.

[18:50] He didn't – even though he's already a cow herder, he didn't rat out his friends because he's noble.

[18:55] And now he's under house arrest.

[18:57] He wears an ankle bracelet and he's got to go to detention.

[19:00] Uh-oh.

[19:02] You know what that means?

[19:03] Time for him to go from being a star to being one of the misfits.

[19:07] And I don't mean the bands, the misfits.

[19:09] Uh-huh.

[19:10] I mean like the outcasts of the school.

Stuart Wellington

[19:12] Yeah.

[19:13] Yeah, so it's like a setup for like a breakfast club type situation, right?

[19:17] Uh-huh.

[19:18] Exactly.

[19:18] Now –

[19:19] And we're introduced to his dad who looks like his older brother played by Roy from The Office.

[19:23] Oh, that's who it was.

[19:25] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] Yeah, and he was in some other thing recently too that I saw.

[19:28] But all he – and all Roy is given to do is just glower behind a beard.

[19:33] Uh-huh.

[19:33] And just kind of like – he doesn't like anybody.

[19:35] And he's a fisherman.

[19:37] He works hard.

[19:37] He thought his son was going to ride a football scholarship to the NFL and pay for that house he's always wanted.

[19:43] So he's pretty unhappy about it.

[19:44] Do we – okay, so do we guys – do we like Jason Scott, the hero of the movie?

[19:50] Uh, interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[19:53] I mean like by the end of the movie or at this point?

[19:56] At this point, let's say.

[19:58] I mean he's pretty handsome.

[20:02] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] What about Dan?

[20:03] Your thoughts?

Dan McCoy

[20:04] Yeah, I mean I'm predisposed as a lifelong nerd to dislike jocks who think it's hilarious to bring cows into places.

Stuart Wellington

[20:14] That's fair.

[20:15] But luckily I think they're going to introduce some characters pretty quickly that you might identify with more.

[20:20] Yeah.

[20:20] Mm-hmm.

[20:21] And that character is a bully character who shows up.

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] There's a bully who shows up who looks like – what's his name?

[20:29] He has the same kind of feel about him as – what's his name from Salute Your Shorts who was also Eddie Furlong's friend in Terminator 2.

[20:37] Yeah, Bobby Butnick.

[20:39] Who like – I think that's the main guy in Salute Your Shorts, right?

[20:42] I don't know.

[20:43] I don't think so.

[20:44] Oh, anyway.

[20:45] So this bully is messing with this nerd, Billy.

[20:49] Billy, as he tells us later, is on the spectrum, which it's a weird thing.

[20:54] How much he's on the spectrum seems to change from scene to scene.

[20:57] He's like, I don't really know how to relate to people.

[20:59] I don't get jokes.

[21:00] And then he's cracking jokes through the whole movie, and he's the first one to form a deep emotional connection with the other characters.

[21:07] So I think they were trying, but they failed here.

[21:10] Anyway, Jason stops this bully, and Billy – he stops the bully, not Billy.

[21:15] He stops the bully from bullying Billy.

[21:17] Yeah, he never stops Billy.

[21:17] Billy is glad the bully is not with Billy.

[21:18] He never stops Billy.

[21:20] He can't stop Billy.

[21:21] And so he saves Billy, and Billy's like, hey, you know what?

[21:24] I can help you with that ankle bracelet.

[21:26] And he takes him to his house.

[21:27] Uh-oh.

[21:28] In the curfew for when he's supposed to be at home, the police.

Stuart Wellington

[21:30] Why do they time it like that?

[21:32] I guess for –

[21:33] For suspense.

[21:34] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:34] And he builds a –

[21:37] Faraday cage.

[21:37] Like a homemade Faraday cage and uses a computer to hack into the bracelet – anklet so Jason could just walk around wherever.

[21:43] And Billy says, in return, I want you to drive me to an abandoned gold mine in my own car.

[21:51] Yeah.

[21:52] Because this is one of those towns where it is both a seaside harbor town with a fishing industry and also a gold mine.

[22:00] And I don't know enough about gold mining.

[22:02] When I think gold mining, I think, sure, there are rivers and streams that you pan for gold in.

[22:06] Yeah.

[22:07] Usually it's like out in the desert somewhere where you can have a big deposit of gold.

[22:11] Somebody, some listener who knows geology and mineralogy, write in and tell me if it's possible for an ocean – like a coastal harbor town to also have a vein of gold.

Stuart Wellington

[22:20] The only – anytime you have a harbor town that also happens to have a deep reserve of gold, that town has clearly cast down their Christian idols and have begun worshiping Dagon.

[22:31] And that's a problem.

[22:32] That's just not a cool thing to do.

Dan McCoy

[22:34] I thought you were just going to say that that town is clearly Duckburg, which has every type of place in it.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:40] Well, Angel Grove, the town much like Duckburg, is resource rich, both gold and fish.

[22:46] And as we'll find out, alien power coins.

[22:49] So anyway – oh, I forgot earlier.

[22:52] Zardon, as he was dying, he threw some power crystals into the ground and was like, find them.

[22:57] Be selective.

[22:59] Find the right, you know, whatevers.

[23:01] Because people don't exist yet, so he can't say find the right people.

[23:03] But anyway, Jason is wandering around the woods.

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] Yeah, do you think that those coins are just going to find, like, Denver the Last Dinosaur or something?

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] We can only – that would be the crossover we're not ready for.

[23:14] Okay.

[23:14] Mighty Morphin Brown Rangers, Denver the Last Dinosaur.

[23:16] Throw the Rescue Rangers in there.

[23:18] Two kinds of rangers in one movie.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] Yeah, well, Ranger Rich.

Elliott Kalan

[23:23] Which is different from Ranger Rick.

[23:24] Yeah, Ranger Rick shows up.

[23:25] Ranger Rick, the raccoon mascot.

[23:28] And let's not forget Stranger Ranger, who teaches kids about Stranger Danger.

[23:34] Stranger Ranger, the Stranger Danger Ranger.

Dan McCoy

[23:37] Yeah.

[23:37] So Billy wants to go to this quarry.

[23:40] A man in gold mine.

[23:41] Because he's –

[23:42] It's not a quarry.

Elliott Kalan

[23:43] It's a mine.

[23:44] Right.

[23:45] A quarry is an open pit.

[23:48] A mine, you've got to dig a tunnel.

Dan McCoy

[23:50] All right.

[23:50] But apparently he – what he wants to do is just blow up more of this mine.

[23:55] Like, that's his project.

Elliott Kalan

[23:56] Yeah, he's convinced there's something – he and his dad – he keeps talking about his dad.

[23:59] Yeah.

[23:59] He used to go find things in there.

[24:01] I guess they're like – they're like freegans but for mines.

[24:05] Mm-hmm.

[24:05] You know, which I guess is stealing.

[24:07] But he wants to blow up part of the mine to uncover something.

[24:10] Meanwhile, Jason is wandering around the woods next to this mine because the mining operation

[24:13] has in no way affected the local environment or water sources, which leads me to believe

[24:18] this movie is really propaganda from the mining industry.

[24:20] Yeah.

[24:21] That they're like, look how clean the river next to the mine is.

[24:24] A woman could swim in it because Jason stumbles on Kimberly, stripping down to her

[24:28] skivvies to go swimming in the creek.

[24:30] Kimberly is a cheerleader.

[24:33] Yeah.

[24:33] We've seen – she's also in detention.

[24:35] She did something really mean to her friend and then in an act of – wait, has she cut

[24:41] her hair yet?

[24:42] Yeah, she does.

[24:43] Oh, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[24:44] She's going through a psychological change.

[24:46] She's going through a hard time.

[24:47] So the symbol of that, of course, is always chopping your hair off.

Stuart Wellington

[24:51] Yeah, yeah.

[24:52] You have to like strip off the old flesh.

[24:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] And she doesn't like shave her head.

[24:58] She doesn't even cut it into a bob.

[25:00] She just has a sensible short haircut.

[25:02] But everyone reacts like she's – uh-oh.

[25:05] She's a punk now.

[25:05] Yeah, her dad like – what is this all about?

Stuart Wellington

[25:07] Her dad loses his shit, which is weird because like why would he care that – I don't

[25:12] know.

Elliott Kalan

[25:12] Well, the hair symbolizes his hopes for her to get a cheerleading scholarship, to go into

[25:16] major league cheerleading so she can buy him that house he's always wanted.

Dan McCoy

[25:19] Yeah, that makes sense.

[25:20] Cheerleading is a notoriously not lucrative pursuit.

Elliott Kalan

[25:25] Well, I am reading this into the movie, Dan.

[25:27] To be fair, he didn't say that.

[25:29] Let's not criticize him for something I made up.

Stuart Wellington

[25:31] So Jason finds Kimberly the soon-to-be Pink Ranger and she does this back –

[25:37] Spoiler alert.

Elliott Kalan

[25:37] I thought she was a random teen.

Stuart Wellington

[25:39] She does a backflip into the water and midway through – like right before this process happens,

[25:45] she turns into some kind of CGI creation because this is very clearly a special effect.

Elliott Kalan

[25:51] And also that creek is in no way deep enough for someone to dive into it.

[25:54] That's crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] It seems weird that they – like that seems like an unnecessary effect shot, right?

[26:02] If you were supervising this production, you'd be like, no, just have her jump in water normally.

[26:08] Okay.

[26:08] Like rather than doing a fancy clip.

Elliott Kalan

[26:10] Didn't they do the same thing with Halle Berry and Swordfish?

[26:13] Was it?

[26:15] Operation Swordfish?

[26:17] Yeah.

[26:17] There's some Halle Berry movie, I think it is, where there's a very obvious CGI dive.

[26:22] It's like, it's hard to dive.

[26:23] Look.

[26:24] It's not like they could just hire a diver to do it.

Stuart Wellington

[26:27] The only time you should do an obvious special effect dive is if an alien chestburster is going to burst out of your chest midway through the fall.

[26:34] Right?

[26:35] And you're diving into a giant thing of molten stuff.

[26:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] When did that happen?

[26:41] Was that something that happened to you?

Stuart Wellington

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:43] That happened to me because Lance Hendrickson showed up and he was like, no, I want that thing.

[26:48] And I'm like, no, that thing is mine.

[26:49] And then I jumped into some magma.

Elliott Kalan

[26:52] Oh, wow.

[26:52] That sounds really dangerous.

[26:53] Anyway, Jason sees her.

[26:56] And there's also another guy who's just hanging around the mine for reasons unexplained.

[27:00] He just seems to like to go there to think, we don't learn much about him.

Stuart Wellington

[27:03] I thought he was stalking the other girl.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] I think they both just happen to be around there a lot.

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:13] This line is where all the teens go to angst out and brood like Batman, but they never see each other.

[27:19] It must be huge.

[27:20] They never run into each other.

[27:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:22] It's kind of like the Windies in my hometown.

Dan McCoy

[27:24] And another girl, right?

[27:26] There's the other girl too there who we never learn all that much about as a character throughout the movie.

[27:32] We learn about her later on.

Stuart Wellington

[27:35] A little bit.

[27:36] She's like doing yoga while listening to melodic death metal.

[27:40] Oh, yeah.

[27:41] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[27:42] So, okay.

[27:44] So all our protagonists are here.

[27:45] So our protagonists are assembled.

[27:48] The Avengers have assembled, or in this case the Power Rangers to be.

[27:52] Billy sets off this explosion and reveals like a spaceship or something made out of glass with these little power jewels inside.

[27:58] And the mystery guy just starts breaking away at them and they take them.

[28:01] I love it.

[28:02] Uh-oh.

[28:03] They are at a police car.

Stuart Wellington

[28:04] I do like that they make a point of having each person grab one.

[28:09] Like they both see a guy breaking this like glass barrier and they each kid takes it upon themselves to grab their own coin.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] Oh, yeah.

[28:19] I would if I would want one of those.

[28:20] Those are crazy.

[28:22] It's like a crazy glowing coin inside of a giant glass wall.

[28:25] Yeah.

[28:25] You don't want to be the only person without a coin.

[28:28] Exactly.

[28:29] Yeah, because then you can't play the claw machine.

[28:31] Yeah.

[28:31] What if one of them, they're like, they all show up again.

[28:34] They're like, we have these amazing powers because of these coins.

[28:36] And one of them was like, I bought something with my claw.

[28:41] I have this gumball now.

[28:43] I got it.

[28:44] I got it.

[28:44] So I went to a real.

[28:46] There was one of those little plastic toy dispensers.

[28:51] And I wanted like this little rubber ninja.

[28:53] But instead, I got this necklace with a dollar sign on it, which I didn't really want.

[28:57] So do one of you guys want it?

[28:59] What about your power coin?

[29:01] I guess it's just in there still.

[29:03] Well, let's go get it.

[29:04] Homey now.

[29:06] Yeah.

[29:06] I got this silvery sticker that I'm going to stick on something and it's never going to

[29:11] come off.

[29:12] And my parents are going to get really mad.

[29:13] But they go, well, let's go get that coin back.

[29:15] We'll break open the machine.

[29:16] And they go just as the truck that collects the money from the machines is driving away.

[29:22] They're like, oh, OK.

[29:24] So in like Hackensack, New Jersey, some guy who owns a like vending machine company finds

[29:30] this power coin and becomes the last Power Ranger.

[29:32] It's four teens and one like middle aged guy.

[29:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:35] Probably has mob connections.

[29:37] Uh-huh.

[29:37] Probably.

[29:38] If not, he played an extra in an episode of The Sopranos.

Dan McCoy

[29:42] Of course.

[29:43] I love how those vending machines still exist because like the margins can't be that great

[29:47] and like you're not making that much money off of it anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] Well, I don't know the old way that it used to be.

[29:54] I don't know the way it does now.

[29:55] In the old days, the mob would force you to have one at your store.

[29:58] Oh, really?

[29:59] Wow.

[30:00] But now I don't think that's the way it is anymore.

[30:02] Now it's just built on the backs of kids irritating their parents to the point of wasting

[30:07] good quarters on some piece of junk they'll probably lose before they get home.

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:11] Hi, everybody.

[30:12] I'm a dad.

[30:13] I'm here to tell you.

Stuart Wellington

[30:14] Elliot's like, how dare you take my hard-earned quarters that I was just going to put in a

[30:19] bowl somewhere in my house and forget about.

Elliott Kalan

[30:21] And forget about forever.

[30:24] So anyway, there's a police car chase and the car they're in gets hit by a train.

[30:30] Meanwhile, there's a storm at sea.

[30:32] Jason's dad is a fisherman and they pull up a mummy that with glowing eyes from the bottom

[30:37] of the ocean.

[30:38] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] I do like that they stick the mummy in the bottom of the boat.

[30:42] It seems like they just keep going back to work.

Elliott Kalan

[30:45] Oh, yeah.

[30:46] They got to – you know, the profit margins on that are pretty small too, you know?

[30:50] But talk about the deadliest catch.

[30:52] What?

[30:53] Yeah.

[30:53] The profits on mummy collection are – well, the problem is you invest so much with the

[30:58] hopes of finding one mummy.

Stuart Wellington

[31:00] And you would think that a mummy under the water would be like super soggy and loose.

[31:07] But this one's like stiff as an old boot, you know?

[31:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] It should be hard since the main thing you want for mummification is dry so that it takes

[31:17] the moisture out.

[31:18] Yeah.

[31:18] You would think that being at the bottom of the sea would fight the mummification process.

[31:22] Here's the thing about being a mummy finder.

[31:23] The first mummy that you find, that just pays for the equipment you get when you're a mummy

[31:29] finder.

[31:30] Oh, okay.

[31:30] It's the second mummy where you start making a profit.

[31:32] It's like when you join the DGA.

[31:33] Yeah, you get in the black at that point and then you can move on.

[31:35] Exactly.

[31:36] It's like when you join – your first job as a director is just to pay for your dues

[31:40] to join the Directors Guild so you can be a director.

[31:42] It's the second job that really makes the money.

[31:44] So with the mummy, it's the same thing.

[31:46] So you don't make any real mummy money until the second mummy.

[31:49] Mm-hmm.

[31:50] So just –

[31:51] Now, guys –

[31:52] It takes a long time to find a mummy.

[31:53] You can pour a lot of money into that mummy business.

Stuart Wellington

[31:55] Now, I think we should probably save all of our mummy riffs for our upcoming live show

[32:01] in Seattle where we're reviewing the movie The Mummy.

Elliott Kalan

[32:04] Yeah.

[32:04] That's a good point.

[32:05] That's a very good point.

[32:06] Let's not get to it.

Stuart Wellington

[32:07] So why don't we table this conversation for a little while.

Elliott Kalan

[32:09] This isn't the mighty mummy, Power Rangers.

[32:12] That's a good point.

[32:12] Yeah.

[32:13] Okay.

[32:13] So Jason wakes up in bed.

[32:14] All the kids do and they're miraculously healed from this car accident.

[32:18] They don't even remember getting home and they all are super strong and super tough.

[32:22] They're just breaking things left and right with their fists.

Stuart Wellington

[32:25] Uh-huh.

[32:25] Like –

[32:26] And guys, this is definitely a metaphor for like puberty, right?

Elliott Kalan

[32:31] I don't know about that.

[32:33] Were you able to survive car crashes and crush things with your hands?

Stuart Wellington

[32:36] I mean, that's what a metaphor is about, dude.

[32:39] You're saying I shouldn't say literally?

[32:40] It's like when Spider-Man accidentally squirts out web juice and you're like, I know what

[32:44] that means, Spider-Man.

[32:46] Right?

[32:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:47] He's like, I thought it was a cow.

[32:48] It's a bull.

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:51] Yeah.

[32:53] So, yeah.

[32:53] So, it squirts out web juice.

Stuart Wellington

[32:55] That's what it's called, right?

[32:57] You've written Spider-Man comics before.

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] Yeah, that's true.

[33:00] Web juice.

[33:00] In the Mighty Marvel rule book, Style Guide, they say, never refer to it as anything but

[33:07] web juice.

[33:08] Yeah.

[33:08] Spider-Man yells out, feel the wrath of my web juice.

[33:11] Yeah.

[33:12] Also, his danger-sensing spider sense could be called his think-a-link-a-what's-that.

[33:18] It's like, all right, I guess he'll call it that.

[33:20] It's pretty silly.

[33:21] Mm-hmm.

[33:23] So, they go back to the mine.

[33:24] They've got to investigate.

[33:25] They find the mystery guy, whose name is Zach, and that other girl, the girl who was meditating

[33:32] while listening to death metal.

[33:33] Trini.

[33:33] I don't remember.

[33:34] Trini.

[33:35] And they all, and she sees them and goes, huh?

[33:38] And she runs and she scrambles right up a rock face.

[33:41] And now we get the first of many scenes in the movie that are them exploring their powers

[33:48] and each other set to kind of pump up or emo rock songs.

[33:52] Yeah.

[33:52] As they, every, you have to see every single one climb up that hill and then jump over

[33:57] a deep gorge while music plays.

[33:59] And there's so many music cues.

[34:01] I was like, what is this, Suicide Squad?

[34:02] They're just hurling pop songs at us one after another.

[34:05] Explain.

Dan McCoy

[34:07] Dan.

[34:08] Yeah, Dan, what's going on there?

[34:09] Uh, I mean, this is a four quadrant movie and, uh, one of the quadrants is emo metal

[34:16] people.

[34:17] Okay.

[34:17] It's emo metal people, babies, uh, centaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[34:22] And cows that, and bulls.

[34:24] Yeah.

[34:24] Uh, so the, I, I have a note here that, that just mentions that, uh, while I was watching,

[34:30] I felt like that a lot of the movie felt like the 1979 video from Smashing Pumpkins, but

[34:34] with superpowers.

[34:35] Like a bunch of unhappy teens wandering around just doing whatever, but they have superpowers

[34:40] now.

Stuart Wellington

[34:40] I do like, uh, I do like when Jason jumps over, when they all like take turns jumping over

[34:45] the gorge and they're all like freaking out about it.

[34:48] Uh, when Jason lands and falls on himself, he's like spitting out blood.

[34:56] Like, I think he bleeds more from that than anything else in the movie, but you know.

[35:00] But, uh.

[35:01] Yeah.

[35:01] That's when I knew this was not my daddy's Power Rangers.

[35:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:05] Oh no.

[35:05] Yeah.

[35:05] And they, uh, but Billy, he doesn't make the jump and he falls down into a big pool of

[35:10] water.

[35:10] Uh-huh.

[35:11] When they, they all jump in the water and find that they glow different colors in the

[35:14] water.

[35:14] And then they find a hidden air pocket.

[35:16] And inside that is a spaceship.

[35:18] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] Guys, and this is when, this is when I realized we just don't get enough, like, thinking man sci-fi

[35:25] anymore, you know?

[35:26] Like a nice hard sci-fi.

[35:29] And thanks Power Rangers.

[35:31] Thanks Power Rangers for bringing that.

Elliott Kalan

[35:32] Yeah, this is what, if you're like, oh, this must be what it's like if they make a movie

[35:35] out of a Stephen Baxter novel.

[35:37] Just real hard sci-fi.

[35:39] SF, you know.

[35:40] And, uh, they find, this is where this goofy, this Alpha 5, the goofy saucer-headed robot

[35:46] walks out, voiced by Bill Hader.

[35:48] And my reaction was literally like, oh, I forgot about this fucking saucer-headed robot.

[35:54] Because every, let's call him the orco of the show.

[35:58] Okay.

[35:58] Every one of these kids shows has, or the snarf, every show has like the comic relief sidekick

[36:03] where you're like, if these people are the greatest heroes in the universe, why do they

[36:07] have this bumbling incompetent sidekick?

[36:09] And in Power Rangers, it's Alpha 5, who, considering he's been waiting at the bottom of a gorge for

[36:15] 65 million years, his name is an English acronym.

[36:20] He has an acronym for Alpha.

[36:22] And Alpha is a Greek letter.

[36:24] So, of course, he knows languages, even though he's been underwater for all the time.

[36:27] But also, he's just like, loves cracking jokes and making whys.

[36:31] Yeah, yeah.

[36:31] And he's like, what kind of robot is this?

Stuart Wellington

[36:33] He's the character that feels like they were created just so that years after the property

[36:39] had come out, people would be making deviant art pictures of the characters holding that

[36:44] character's dead body.

[36:47] Like, I'm sure if you Google Power Rangers holding a dead Alpha 5, there is tons of art.

Elliott Kalan

[36:54] It's almost like they were like, you know what?

[36:58] In the future, we're going to want to do like a gritty reboot of this series.

[37:02] Let's give ourselves a problem character that will make it a little bit harder to get that

[37:06] serious.

[37:07] We'll have a goofy alien robot.

[37:09] I have to say, though, Bill Hader tries his best.

[37:13] Everyone in this movie seems to be trying their best, except maybe Bryan Cranston, who

[37:15] I think is kind of like, whatever.

[37:17] But anyway, except for that first scene where he looks like he is really in anguish as he,

[37:22] as you said, is dragged through the mud on a burning earth.

[37:26] Alpha wakes up the spirit of Zordan, or Zardon.

[37:29] Zardon.

[37:30] Is it Zart?

[37:30] Zardon.

[37:31] Who is now in the ship's matrix, which means you just see his face, all glowy and big.

[37:35] He's a wall.

Dan McCoy

[37:36] He turns into a wall.

[37:37] Yeah, well, he looks like one of those like pen things that you get at like a Spencer's

[37:41] Gifts.

Stuart Wellington

[37:41] Oh, so when you're like hanging around your dorm room and they're all high and you like

[37:45] try putting it on different parts of your body.

[37:47] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[37:48] Where it's all pens.

[37:49] Yeah.

[37:50] Not at the pens.

[37:51] Yeah.

[37:52] Yeah, that's what he looks like.

[37:54] And he tells them, oh, you're Power Rangers now, which means you have to protect the earth's

[37:59] zeocrystal, which is what makes life possible.

[38:02] Okay, he's just revolutionized religion and science right there.

[38:04] And he also says, being a Power Ranger, you have to be brave and you can't tell anybody.

[38:09] And it was one thing where I'm like, why can't they tell anybody?

[38:12] Wouldn't it make it a lot easier to protect the earth if they could tell people?

[38:16] And also, like why?

[38:18] Why is this a secret?

[38:19] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[38:19] Yeah, what happens if they tell people?

[38:20] Do they lose their power coin or something?

Elliott Kalan

[38:24] Yeah.

[38:24] Do they get, is it, they break, it's like, he's like, first rule of Power Ranger Club.

[38:28] You don't talk about Power Ranger Club.

[38:30] Second rule of Power Ranger Club, please don't make fun of Alpha 5.

[38:34] He's very sensitive.

[38:34] Yeah, do you think?

[38:35] Third rule of Power Ranger Club, don't lose that power coin.

[38:38] I love that he identified.

[38:39] Or else you turn into a gremlin.

Stuart Wellington

[38:41] I love that he revolutionized the way we look at life in general by talking about these

[38:46] zeocrystals.

[38:47] But then he also explains that if there's one constant in the universe, it's that other

[38:51] people get jealous of superpowers.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] Yeah, I could believe it more if there was a scene where like Rita strikes out at their

[38:59] families and they're like, oh, we've got to protect our identities.

[39:01] That can't happen again.

[39:02] But instead, he's just like, you can't tell anybody, which is, I don't know that it's a

[39:07] good lesson to young people to have them, to show teens finding like a hidden vehicle

[39:12] of some kind.

[39:13] And inside that vehicle is a weird old man who tells them, don't tell anybody about what's

[39:18] happening here.

[39:18] That's not a good message, guys.

[39:20] Let's just say that.

[39:22] Yeah.

[39:23] Okay, anyway, they learn about Rita Repulsa.

[39:26] She used to be an evil ranger and she turned on everybody.

[39:29] They have 11 days to stop her.

[39:31] And Zordon says that, and they're all like, we can't do this, blah, blah, blah.

[39:36] And Zordon says to Jason, you were born to be the leader.

[39:41] And the implication is, you're the white man.

[39:44] You're supposed to be the leader of this group.

[39:47] You got to convince them to be Power Rangers.

[39:49] And the problem is they all have complicated home lives.

[39:52] Zach, his mom is really sick and they live in a trailer.

[39:55] And that's why he goes and hangs out at the mine.

[39:57] Trini, she's gay and her family doesn't really approve of that.

[40:01] So that's not good.

Dan McCoy

[40:02] Which is barely like, it's like suggested in one line and then sort of skipped over.

Elliott Kalan

[40:08] Well, I mean, you wanted like a blue is the warmest color scene between her and the yellow ranger?

Dan McCoy

[40:13] Yeah.

[40:13] I feel like they wanted the credit for including a lesbian character.

[40:17] But like, just, it just like, oh, and by the way, here's one line.

[40:22] I mean, she doesn't even like say it expressly.

[40:24] Like, it's just kind of implied.

Elliott Kalan

[40:26] I would say, I give them credit for not having a lesbian character where being a lesbian is not what defines her.

[40:31] Yeah.

[40:31] What defines her is that she's a total jerk to everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[40:34] Yeah.

[40:34] All right.

[40:35] And then she's got cool hair like Laura from Street Fighter.

[40:38] Yeah.

[40:38] Okay.

[40:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] They've all got their home lives.

[40:41] And so, meanwhile, Rita has awoken from her mummy state and is going around killing people for their gold.

[40:50] Oh, my God.

[40:50] To build a monster called Goldar.

[40:52] Yeah.

[40:53] She's mainly stealing people's gold teeth, which means it's going to take a long time to build this monster.

[40:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:57] If there wasn't already a leprechaun reboot, I would, in the works, I would argue, cast Elizabeth Banks as the fucking leprechaun.

[41:07] Yeah.

[41:07] Because she's amazing.

[41:08] She's having a lot of fun playing this character.

Elliott Kalan

[41:11] Elizabeth Banks is the breakout.

[41:13] I say this as she always has a huge movie career.

[41:15] She is the breakout star of this movie.

[41:17] I was like, I am enjoying Rita Repulse's antics far more than I thought I would because Elizabeth Banks totally commits to everything she's doing in it.

[41:27] And she does every villainous move that you can imagine.

[41:31] Aside from her character never tries seducing anybody, which I thought was also kind of a step forward in that she doesn't use her sexuality as a weapon.

[41:41] She's just like really mean and nasty.

[41:43] And she's just like really chewing into it the way that when you see someone play Captain Hook in like a play in a theater production, they can really like dive into this Captain Hook character.

[41:54] Except for Christopher Walken.

[41:55] Except for Christopher Walken.

[41:57] He didn't do it right.

[41:58] But when people are like, look, Captain Hook has no interior life.

[42:02] He's just a dumb villain who's really goofy.

[42:04] I'm just going to play that to the hilt.

[42:06] Like she does that with Rita Repulsa and it's pretty fantastic.

Dan McCoy

[42:08] Yeah, and it's fun to see her.

[42:10] I mean, like people, I mean, we know Elizabeth Banks primarily from comic roles.

[42:14] And there's like obviously a level of camp to what she's doing because she's playing a character named Rita Repulsa.

[42:19] But she's also.

Elliott Kalan

[42:20] Who is a million year old power mummy who is killing people's gold to make a gold monster?

Dan McCoy

[42:25] But she's also doing it like kind of straight too.

[42:29] Like even though it's silly.

Stuart Wellington

[42:30] She's playing if this character was existed in like a horror movie.

[42:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] I would say, yeah, she is not.

[42:38] She is.

[42:39] Like a serious horror movie like the Leprechaun franchise.

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:42] But like she's not winking at the audience.

[42:44] She is playing this character enjoying what the character would enjoy.

[42:48] Yeah.

[42:48] Which is.

[42:49] She's like if you're going to see this movie, just see her basically.

Stuart Wellington

[42:53] I love the idea that Elizabeth Banks like her.

[42:57] Elizabeth Banks like, wow.

[42:59] I directed Pitch Perfect 2, which made a ton of money.

[43:02] And I kind of broke new ground by being a female director who made.

[43:05] Directed a movie that made a ton of money and even beat out Mad Max Fury Road in the box office.

[43:10] What am I going to do next?

Elliott Kalan

[43:13] Rita Repulsa.

[43:14] Yay.

[43:16] I mean, let's look.

[43:17] Let's just say Elizabeth Banks doesn't half ass anything.

[43:20] I haven't seen anything she's been in where she didn't give 110%.

[43:23] So let's say, you know what?

[43:24] Elizabeth Banks.

[43:25] You can bank on her.

[43:27] Okay.

[43:29] And you can take that.

[43:30] I'm glad you fucking paused.

[43:32] You can take that.

Stuart Wellington

[43:33] You can take that.

[43:34] Pause for applause on that one.

Elliott Kalan

[43:37] Look, I don't want to take too much credit for being an ally.

[43:41] But I think with my Banks puns, that's what I'm doing.

[43:44] Banksy, step aside because there's a new Banks in town.

[43:47] Elizabeth Banks.

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] I would say the hardest thing about doing this podcast over Skype long distance is that we can't hoist Elliot on our shoulders for making those great comments.

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] Yeah.

[43:57] Actually, I should mention that Elizabeth Banks is Banksy, which is the one thing I don't like about her, is that maybe you call it art, I call it vandalism, Elizabeth Banksy.

[44:05] So let's just not get so crazy with it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:08] Elliot's like, those corporations paid for those things.

[44:11] Why would you dare deface those buildings?

Elliott Kalan

[44:13] I mean, there is a part of me that's like, someone owns that building.

[44:16] That was my problem.

[44:17] I don't remember if I've talked about it with Exit Through the Gift Shop, where there's a certain craft and artistry to what Banksy does, whether I always agree with the individual works or where he's placed them.

[44:27] And then they had all these other graffiti artists where it's like, this guy's a real artist.

[44:31] He draws his little alien character all over public buildings.

[44:34] It's like, dude, that's stupid looking.

[44:37] And you're just a graffiti guy.

[44:39] That's just vandalism.

Stuart Wellington

[44:40] That's not, come on.

[44:41] It was like when Christo's gates were in Central Park and somebody tagged one of them.

[44:49] And the news was doing man on the street interviews with people about, is that right?

[44:55] Is it okay?

[44:56] And there was at least one nutsack who was like, well, you know, it's just another type of expression, graffiti artist.

[45:02] And I'm like, no, it isn't.

[45:03] Taggers are fucking assholes.

Dan McCoy

[45:05] I thought you were going to say, it's like when Christo's gates was in Central Park and Christo tagged the park by putting all those gates up.

Elliott Kalan

[45:11] Yeah, that's like, Christo, I don't need your gates on my park.

[45:15] Did you guys see the gates when they were up?

[45:16] I did.

[45:17] It was nice.

[45:19] I liked it.

[45:20] I really liked it a lot.

[45:20] I feel like Christo is an artist who it's very easy to dismiss because his stuff sounds stupid.

[45:26] And also one of his giant umbrellas killed a man.

[45:28] But aside from that, but once you actually experience it, like his stuff is really moving.

[45:33] Yeah.

[45:33] There's a really great Maisel's brother documentary, a short one called The Valley, Christo's Valley Curtain.

[45:39] That's about, Christo did this thing where there was just a valley between two high peaks and he just made an enormous curtain, like multiple tons worth of fabric curtain.

[45:51] Oh, wow.

[45:51] And he stretched across it.

[45:52] And it sounds really stupid.

[45:54] And it costs a lot of money.

[45:55] But then you watch the movie and it's like, the effort that went into it and the impact it had on the community it was with, it was at a community that doesn't have a lot of huge public artworks.

[46:04] And at the end you have these people who, you know, are not just, when are they going to see something like that again?

[46:08] And they were like, yeah, this is really amazing.

[46:10] It's really beautiful.

[46:11] And I was like, oh, I have a new appreciation for Christo's work.

[46:14] And the gates I really liked.

[46:15] But anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[46:15] Yeah, I mean, I'm a big fan that he did a big piece of public art that's just a reference to the gate and gate two.

[46:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:22] That's what it was.

[46:23] Yeah.

[46:23] He wanted to put in the monsters from the gate movies, but they're like, we don't have the budget for that.

[46:27] It would be too beautiful, too perfect.

[46:29] We can't afford it.

[46:31] Anyway, so Brian Cranston gets to say the greatest line in the history of his career, better than anything he said in Breaking Bad or Malcolm Middle, where he says to the teens, have any of you morphed before?

[46:46] And it's like the movie is so, you're like, the name of the title, the title movie is just Power Rangers.

[46:51] And they're like, why does this have to be called Morphin?

[46:54] Because they keep talking about how the morphing matrix isn't working.

[46:57] We got to learn how to morph, but we can't morph.

[46:59] We're not morphing.

[47:00] Why aren't we morphing?

[47:01] And it's so funny.

[47:02] It's like, it's just such a dumb piece of terminology that they're stuck with in the old show.

[47:07] And you wish that they just changed the name, but they got to do it.

[47:10] Because you know all these guys who grew up with the Power Rangers would be like, oh, why couldn't they call it Morphing?

[47:15] That's what it is.

[47:16] Let's just call it Morphing.

[47:17] And why were there so many women in the movie?

Stuart Wellington

[47:19] And why would you change it to Infinity Stones when it should be Infinity Gems?

[47:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:25] That one does bother me a little bit, but it doesn't really bother me.

[47:28] It bothers me in the way that seeing Dan with the beard that he has now for the first time, I was like, wait, what?

[47:34] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[47:35] I see all of Elliot's weaknesses and know how to call him out.

[47:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:39] No.

[47:40] I'm wearing a very silly beard right now for the listeners.

[47:44] I mean, it's not really a beard.

[47:45] It's one of those mutton chops that connects to a mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[47:48] Well, we'll take a picture and post it online.

[47:51] Sure.

[47:51] And you got a little soul patch underneath.

[47:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:54] I'm mid-shave and I just decided to have a little goofy fun with my shaving.

Stuart Wellington

[47:58] Wait.

[47:59] Yeah.

[47:59] Wait, this is just a temporary thing?

[48:01] I thought this was a permanent lifestyle choice, Dan.

[48:03] Yeah.

[48:04] I'm also going to get a chopper and start tearing it up.

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] Okay.

[48:08] Yeah.

[48:08] You're going to put adamantium on your skeleton so you have unbreakable bones.

[48:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:12] Yeah.

[48:12] Maybe somebody will do a series of memes of you fighting with your son.

[48:16] I don't know what those fucking thing is.

Elliott Kalan

[48:19] Yeah.

[48:20] Yeah.

[48:20] Suddenly, that was one of those memes that came up that, what is that?

[48:23] Is that American Chopper?

[48:24] Yeah.

[48:25] Or is that a different one?

[48:25] Yeah.

[48:26] I couldn't remember what show was from where it was like, is this a thing that just happened

[48:29] recently?

[48:30] Or is this an old thing?

[48:31] Because suddenly everyone's doing this meme and it's not like I didn't hear in the news

[48:35] that the father killed his son on American Chopper.

[48:40] But anyway, they have a lot of team building exercise training without their armor.

[48:44] They do a lot of hologram fighting with simulacrum of Rita's rock soldiers.

[48:50] Putties.

[48:51] And Zach discovers in the girl.

Stuart Wellington

[48:53] Putties, which sounds like a dirty term.

Elliott Kalan

[48:58] And they get shown they have these monster vehicles called zords that look kind of like

[49:04] animal shaped vehicles.

[49:05] They look kind of like dinosaurs.

[49:06] And Zach, because he's kind of a crazy guy, he keeps going, I'm crazy.

[49:09] I'm crazy.

[49:10] Yeah, I'm crazy.

[49:11] He takes his for a spin and he gets into an argument with Jason.

[49:16] Billy steps in between them and his armor appears when he breaks up the fight.

[49:19] He started morphing.

[49:21] For some reason, this makes Zardin really mad and he kicks them out.

[49:25] The thing, Billy manages to do the thing that Zardin's been haranguing them to do.

[49:31] And when they finally, it's like kind of when a guy, I guess like a guy thinks he was a

[49:35] high school basketball player and he wants his son to be a pro basketball player.

[49:39] And he ruins his son's life and forcing him to play basketball.

[49:42] And his son finally makes it and becomes a star basketball player.

[49:45] And now the dad hates him because he accomplished the goal that the dad could never accomplish.

[49:49] Like it's a real Macaulay Culkin and his dad relationship that we have going on between

[49:53] Jason and Zardin.

[49:55] Anyway.

[49:55] In Home Alone?

[49:57] No, not in Home Alone.

[49:58] In real life.

Dan McCoy

[49:59] Oh, okay.

[49:59] All the other characters keep being like, how did you morph?

[50:02] How did you morph?

[50:03] What did you do to morph?

[50:04] And, you know, it's pretty clear to the viewer what's going on.

[50:08] That the care that Billy took for his friends is what caused him to morph.

[50:13] But these idiots can't crack the code.

Elliott Kalan

[50:16] They're like, did you say a magic word?

[50:17] Like were your big toe and your little toe crossed?

[50:20] Like how did you do it?

[50:22] Like what was the thing?

[50:23] Are you wearing your underpants backwards?

[50:25] Like how did you morph?

[50:25] What's the secret?

[50:27] What do you have in your pockets?

[50:28] Do you have any charms in there?

Stuart Wellington

[50:30] Now guys, I got to admit something.

[50:32] This was around the time of the movie when I'd had a couple of drinks and it was pretty late

[50:36] and I was kind of falling asleep.

Elliott Kalan

[50:38] All right.

[50:39] No, you pulled a Dan and it's fine.

[50:42] Okay.

[50:42] Well, you pulled a Dan thinking Dan was a cow.

[50:45] Then he could milk him.

[50:46] Yeah.

[50:46] But in fact, Dan was a bull and he shouldn't have bulled him.

[50:50] Anyway.

[50:50] I mean, maybe I should have.

[50:51] Who knows?

[50:52] Dan seemed to enjoy it.

[50:54] That's true.

[50:56] Good point.

[50:57] I'm not judging.

[50:58] So Jason confronts Zordon and is like, you just wanted to use the morphing matrix to come

[51:03] back to life.

[51:04] And Zordon's like, I'm the only one who can stop Rita.

[51:06] And Jason's like, you didn't stop her before.

[51:08] And the whole audience is like, ooh.

[51:12] Meanwhile, Rita finally realizes she should stop trying to build a giant monster out of

[51:16] individual gold fillings torn out of the mouths of homeless men and goes to a jewelry store

[51:21] where she eats a ton of gold.

[51:23] That's a great scene.

[51:24] And what's amazing is she walks in looking like a crazy person.

[51:29] And the person at the jewelry store is like, help you?

[51:33] And she's like, gold.

[51:34] And starts eating the gold.

[51:35] And the woman at the jewelry counter is like, okay, ma'am.

[51:39] Like, what are you?

Stuart Wellington

[51:40] She's like, it's okay if you eat now, but you're going to have to settle up at the end.

[51:45] So I'm just going to keep a tally.

Elliott Kalan

[51:46] But it's like, you have to wonder how many crazy customers are coming into the Angel Grove

[51:51] jewelry store that this woman is like, this is kind of weird, but it's not so weird that

[51:55] I'm going to say anything or object to her eating all the gold from the case.

[52:01] It's also, Angel Grove seems to be kind of like a working class town.

[52:04] It's based around a fishery.

[52:05] How do they have this amazingly well-equipped jewelry store?

[52:09] Like, what's that?

[52:10] I know most towns have jewelry stores, but they're usually not.

[52:12] This is the size of like a Beverly Hills Rodeo Drive jewelry store.

[52:16] That's true.

[52:16] It is a pretty upscale.

[52:17] Explain the economy of Angel Grove.

[52:18] I don't.

[52:19] It's because of the mine, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[52:20] Yeah, that's true.

[52:22] Oh, you're saying they get gold.

Elliott Kalan

[52:23] Gold is so cheap there.

[52:25] Yeah.

[52:26] Okay, it makes sense.

[52:26] They throw it away.

[52:27] All those dwarves from the old country that worked with gold inside the mountains came to America

[52:34] and settled in Angel Grove.

[52:35] And so there's a rich, mythical gold crafting industry there.

Stuart Wellington

[52:40] Yeah, the niebling.

Elliott Kalan

[52:42] Yeah, the niebling.

[52:43] When they emigrated from Germany, I guess, what, when Hitler came to power?

[52:47] Yeah.

[52:47] They all settled in Angel Grove.

Stuart Wellington

[52:48] Yeah, they had pockets bursting with Rheingold.

Elliott Kalan

[52:53] And rolled gold pretzels.

Stuart Wellington

[52:55] Was this around the time the security guard showed up and just started blasting Rita with a shotgun?

Elliott Kalan

[53:03] Yes.

[53:03] And it was like, yeah, the security guard.

Stuart Wellington

[53:04] That's some fucking rough justice in that town, man.

[53:07] Just because you're a crazy person eating gold, you get blasted.

Elliott Kalan

[53:10] Well, she did eat a lot of gold.

[53:12] She decided, but it is crazy.

[53:14] This guy just starts, it's like the guy came in and was like,

[53:17] the employee here is really underreacting to her eating all that gold.

[53:20] I'm going to overreact and just begin firing at her.

[53:23] But luckily she's super tough.

Stuart Wellington

[53:24] I'm glad that his sidearm is a fucking pump action, too.

Elliott Kalan

[53:27] Yeah, also he's firing a shotgun at her, which is crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[53:30] He's like, we're in a place with a lot of valuables.

[53:33] I'm going to use the scatteriest thing possible.

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] And also, standing behind the person I'm aiming at is the innocent employee.

[53:42] I'll just use the weapon that's most likely to kill them both.

Stuart Wellington

[53:45] I mean, she knew what she was signing up for when she took that job at a jewelry store.

[53:49] It's similar to the samurai of old when they would have a funeral ceremony.

[53:55] Because once they go to war, they are as good as dead.

[53:59] They have already given their life.

Elliott Kalan

[54:00] Yeah, they're either coming back triumphant or on their shields.

[54:03] Yes.

[54:05] Now, I mean, I guess it's not samurai who would come back on their shields.

[54:07] But you know what I'm talking about.

[54:08] I do know.

[54:10] So Rita, though, makes a rock monster.

[54:13] And the rock monster, I assume, kills the police officer.

[54:17] So the rangers, meanwhile, they bond with each other around the campfire.

[54:22] And they kind of open up about who they are as people.

[54:24] And I'll admit this.

[54:25] This scene affected me much more than it should have.

[54:28] It felt, for a stupid kind of faux gritty reboot of a dumb kids show, it was like, okay, I feel like these teens actually are making friends in a way that they never thought they could before.

[54:42] Like, on a deeper level.

[54:44] And I'm a total sucker for any movie where the message is that you are only as strong as your connections with other people.

[54:51] There's the scene in Spider-Man 2 that makes me cry every time after he's saved that subway train car full of people from Dr. Octopus.

[55:00] And he is just, he is wiped out.

[55:02] He is exhausted.

[55:03] He's all tuckered out.

[55:04] And he's going to fall into the harbor.

[55:05] And there's the shot of his chest emblem as, one after another, the hands of the commuters grab him and pull him in.

[55:13] And that scene always seems so beautiful to me where it's like, he's a superhero.

[55:16] But even superheroes need other people.

[55:19] Like, you can't save yourself.

[55:20] You can only be saved by another.

[55:22] And so this scene really grabs something that's a particular emotional trigger for me.

[55:26] And I wonder if you guys found it dumb or found anything real in it or not.

Dan McCoy

[55:32] I mean, I don't want to skip ahead to Final Judgments.

[55:36] But all the stuff about them, like, being, like, teens and, like, discovering their powers and sort of just relating as people.

[55:45] I kind of liked.

[55:46] I like that stuff.

[55:47] So, I mean, I didn't, like, really get, like, emotionally involved in this scene in particular, I don't think.

Stuart Wellington

[55:52] But I was kind of falling.

[55:55] I was in and out of a dream state at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] Okay, that's fair.

[56:00] Because here's the other thing with the movie.

[56:02] As much as I am a big sucker for, hey, our power is built on our friendship, this movie hits that message over the head so many times.

[56:09] Yeah.

[56:10] And by the end of it, I was like, movie, just shut up.

[56:13] I don't want to hear it anymore.

[56:15] There's a, by the end of it, we'll get to it.

[56:17] But they basically do their version of the scene at the end of Toy Story 3, where all the toys are holding hands as inevitable death waits to swallow them up.

[56:26] And that scene, when it happens in Toy Story 3, I was crying.

[56:29] These are characters I grew up with.

[56:31] I've been watching them for decades.

[56:32] Whereas in Power Rangers, I was like, ugh, like, get over it, Power Rangers.

[56:36] We get it, you're friends.

[56:37] Anyway, which reminds me.

[56:39] Have you guys ever seen the video of this guy made a version of Toy Story 3 where they're being, their conveyor belt's taking them towards the fire and then it just goes to the credits?

[56:48] Yes.

[56:49] And he shows that to his family.

[56:52] And his mother is like, what?

[56:54] That's it?

[56:55] That's the ending?

Dan McCoy

[56:58] Yeah, it's pretty good.

[56:59] Look it up on YouTube, I guess, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[57:01] Oh, I look it up.

[57:02] I guess Toy Story 3 sad ending watch.

[57:05] But there's a, it's like, there's a scene.

[57:08] It's made up for all those two girls, one cup reaction videos I had to watch at work once where I was like, I can't see people be subjected to this anymore.

[57:16] But this one's pretty funny.

Stuart Wellington

[57:17] I mean, I feel like that's a valid human resource complaint that you had to watch those.

Elliott Kalan

[57:22] Oh, I'll never forget the day when I was an intern at The Daily Show.

[57:26] And they said, we need a scene from a gay porn where they're talking before they start having sex.

[57:32] Go through all these gay porn videos and find that.

[57:35] And I'm just watching man-on-man action for a couple hours at work.

[57:39] And it was like, oh, that's right.

[57:40] Porn movies don't usually have those scenes.

[57:43] Like, a lot of these were just two guys in army uniforms walking into a room and having sex with each other.

[57:51] There was no story.

[57:53] But I had to, I had to figure it through like a couple hours.

[57:55] Sirs, this is a post office.

Dan McCoy

[57:58] I mean, it's for you as the viewer to sort of supply the story.

[58:02] You're like, okay, well, I guess these are two army men who.

[58:05] They're on leave.

[58:06] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] They don't have much time before their next ship out time.

Elliott Kalan

[58:09] They're like, oh, this pornographic film is like a haiku.

[58:12] I have to read my meaning into the very basic structure I'm given.

[58:17] Just the barest outlines.

[58:19] Anyway, but we'll get to that.

[58:21] So they all meet and they bond.

[58:25] And Repulsa visits Kimberly at night and says, I'll let you live if you give me the crystal.

[58:30] Kimberly, again, who is the cheerleader.

[58:32] She explains to Jason that she's a bad person.

Stuart Wellington

[58:34] I thought she went after Trini.

Elliott Kalan

[58:37] She also goes after Trini.

[58:38] She goes to both of them, I think.

[58:39] Oh, you know what?

[58:40] Or maybe I got them mixed up.

[58:42] That's possible.

[58:42] I think she just goes to Trini.

[58:44] Oh, they're both brunette women.

[58:45] I thought she went to Kimberly.

[58:46] Never mind.

[58:47] She just goes to Trini.

Stuart Wellington

[58:47] She comes to the Rangers later and she's got like claw marks all over.

[58:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:52] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[58:53] And so Kimberly goes to Jason and says, I'm a bad person.

[58:57] My best friend sent me a sexy picture of herself and then I sent it to my boyfriend.

[59:02] And then it got all over school.

[59:04] And he's like, hey, you got to forgive yourself.

[59:06] You're not a bad person.

[59:07] And it's like, well, what she did was pretty bad.

[59:09] Like I buy into the idea of redemption.

[59:11] But what she did was pretty terrible.

[59:14] And so, well, I don't know.

[59:16] It's like, is there, does saving the world from Rita Repulsa make up for her, I guess,

[59:22] revenge porn betrayal of her best friend?

[59:25] That's up to the teens of today to decide.

[59:28] They have a different relationship with nude selfies than I do.

Stuart Wellington

[59:30] I don't, yeah.

[59:31] I'm not going to set somebody else's ethical or moral yardstick, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[59:36] Yeah.

[59:36] That's fair.

[59:37] That's very fair.

Stuart Wellington

[59:37] Only Judy can judge me is what I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[59:41] And perhaps Judge Joe Brown.

[59:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:44] But not hot bench.

[59:45] They can fuck off.

Elliott Kalan

[59:48] So the kids vote.

[59:49] They say, hey, even though we can't morph, we're still super strong.

[59:52] We'll go confront Rita before she destroys the town.

[59:55] They go armed with pipes and chains like they're going to fight the baseball Furies.

[59:59] Yeah.

[59:59] And there's a dimly lit fight.

[1:00:01] Rita wins.

[1:00:02] And she threatens Zack's life to get Billy to reveal where the Zeo crystal is because he

[1:00:07] has discovered.

[1:00:08] Turns out it's underneath a Krispy Kreme in the middle of town.

[1:00:11] Does this mean they're going to mention Krispy Kreme a hundred times in the movie?

[1:00:15] Yes, it is.

[1:00:17] They go back to the spaceship, though, and Billy seems to have been killed.

[1:00:22] Uh-oh.

[1:00:22] She throws him into the water and he drowns.

[1:00:25] And they go back to the spaceship.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:26] Oh, yeah, because they're all tied up to a boat, right?

[1:00:28] Yeah, they're all chained.

[1:00:30] They're tied up to a boat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:31] They're all chained up with the very chains they brought.

[1:00:32] How ironic.

[1:00:34] The chains represent their relationships with each other because friendships can cause you

[1:00:38] trouble, too.

[1:00:39] Hey, guys, you know, every sword is double-edged.

[1:00:42] Friendship, even more so.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:44] Well, not...

[1:00:45] I don't think a katana is double-edged.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:48] It's got two sides with edges on them, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:50] No, I don't think so.

[1:00:51] I think only one side has an edge.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:53] Ugh, okay.

[1:00:54] Well, never mind then.

[1:00:55] I guess my sword metaphor didn't really go through.

[1:00:57] I was a little too general with swords.

[1:00:59] I mean, you could say most swords are double-edged.

[1:01:01] Okay.

[1:01:02] Most swords...

[1:01:02] You know what, guys?

[1:01:03] Everyone wears pants when they sleep.

[1:01:05] Let's just admit on that.

[1:01:07] Okay.

[1:01:08] That's controversy again.

[1:01:09] Where do you go when your friend drowns?

[1:01:11] You go back to the spaceship, and you make a promise to each other.

[1:01:13] You know what?

[1:01:14] We would give our lives for each other.

[1:01:16] These guys have so quickly become not just friends, but it's like a Spartan, you know,

[1:01:21] army phalanx that they would die for each other.

[1:01:25] And so they become, uh-oh, the Mighty Morphin Emo Rangers because this idea that they would

[1:01:30] die for each other, it kicks the Matrix into reality.

[1:01:34] And instead of using their power to bring Zordon back to life, Zordon says, no, I'm going to

[1:01:38] use it to bring Billy back to life.

[1:01:40] Oh, he won their trust, too.

[1:01:42] Now, Zordon's one of their friends also.

[1:01:44] And Alpha 5, the robot, is like, yes, you guys are great.

[1:01:47] You're morphing.

[1:01:47] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1:01:48] You're morphing, everybody.

[1:01:49] And he starts dancing.

[1:01:51] Yeah.

[1:01:52] Now, here's the thing.

[1:01:53] Would I have liked Alpha 5 more if he was voiced by Eddie Deason?

[1:01:56] You know it.

[1:01:56] You know I would.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:58] I mean, those kids got to learn that dying's easy, but living's harder, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:03] Yeah, that's true.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

[1:02:05] Yeah, they didn't go see Hamilton because the tickets were too expensive.

[1:02:08] So they didn't learn that.

[1:02:09] Now they can morph.

[1:02:10] They get their overcomplicated armor.

[1:02:12] There's the obligatory slow-mo walking towards the camera shot, which no longer makes you look

[1:02:17] tough or cool, it just looks like you can't walk at normal speed, which is not going to

[1:02:21] help you in a fight if you can't walk at a normal speed.

[1:02:24] Okay, Rita finally makes Goldar.

[1:02:27] She waited till the morning for some reason.

[1:02:30] Rita was like, hey.

[1:02:31] Well, she was all tuckered out.

[1:02:32] She's, you know.

[1:02:33] I'm real tuckered out from fighting those Power Rangers.

[1:02:35] I know where the Zeo Crystal is, but I'm going to get a good rest because when I take over

[1:02:39] the world, I want to be well-rested so I can really enjoy it, you know?

[1:02:42] I don't want to be running on fumes when I'm killing all the world's leaders.

[1:02:47] I mean, it's been like 65 million years.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:49] Why would she rush?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:51] Good point.

[1:02:52] She's waited this long.

[1:02:53] She really has to psych herself up, listen to her workout mix, like really get in the

[1:02:57] right mindset, maybe do some TM, you know, just get centered, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:02] Yeah, and catch up on her TV shows, you know, on her stories.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:06] Yeah, catch up on her stories.

[1:03:07] She missed 65 million years of TV.

[1:03:09] She's like, ugh, talk about peak TV.

[1:03:11] I've got to watch all the shows.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:14] Everyone's been telling me to watch Breaking Bad, which by the way, reminds me of that guy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:19] She's like, I get why teens like Frasier now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:27] So she makes an army of her rock monsters, which I think are called putties.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:31] Is that true?

[1:03:32] It is.

[1:03:32] We already covered that.

[1:03:33] It sounds like a gross body part.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:35] Oh, that's right.

[1:03:36] That's right.

[1:03:36] We did talk about that.

[1:03:38] And what are the good guys going to do but break out their zords?

[1:03:41] We hear the one refrain of Go Go Power Rangers sung in the movie.

[1:03:44] And you're like, movie, come on.

[1:03:46] It's like, it's so half-hearted and dumb.

[1:03:49] Like, why do you even bother?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:51] It feels so out of place in this movie.

[1:03:53] Like, the movie has gotten, you know, gone to such lengths to try and make Power Rangers

[1:03:59] this serious thing.

[1:04:01] And then it's just the old theme song.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:03] Go, go, Power Rangers!

Dan McCoy

[1:04:05] As they fly through the air.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:07] Yeah, because they're expecting the audience to be like, what?

[1:04:11] And like, start cheering and throwing their popcorn in the air like they're gremlins.

[1:04:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:16] Yeah.

[1:04:16] Going, hi-ho, hi-ho, ba-ba-ba-da-ba-ba.

[1:04:20] And then Billy burns down, blows up the movie theater.

[1:04:23] So you don't find out how the movie ends.

[1:04:25] Yeah.

[1:04:26] Guys, do you think the real tragedy of gremlins is that Billy destroys one of the original

[1:04:31] prints of Snow White?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:33] Yeah.

[1:04:33] I mean, yeah.

[1:04:34] I mean, the tragedy is not the loss of almost an entire species of gremlins.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:41] I wish that while they're exploding, someone from like the EPA came in and said, Billy Peltzer,

[1:04:47] that's an endangered species.

[1:04:49] You're under arrest.

[1:04:51] Now there's only one left, Stripe.

[1:04:53] And we got to get, and I guess Gizmo, if you consider him the same species.

[1:04:56] We don't know how to classify a species that reproduces this way and changes so clearly

[1:05:01] between one form and another.

[1:05:03] And Billy's like, well, it's not that different from a caterpillar and a butterfly.

[1:05:06] Yeah, or like bread and toast.

[1:05:08] And the guy's like, Billy, bread and toast are not species.

[1:05:11] That's a different thing.

[1:05:13] Bread is not that different from toast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:16] Yeah, I guess he doesn't spend that much time in class.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:19] Yeah.

[1:05:19] Anyway, they talk about the Krispy Kreme a lot.

[1:05:22] Meanwhile, Goldar, as we'll say, is a big metal statue with wings that walks around.

[1:05:29] I kind of remember it having kind of a lion face in the TV show.

[1:05:33] Was that true?

[1:05:34] I don't remember.

[1:05:35] I don't know.

[1:05:36] Who cares?

[1:05:38] There's a big battle between the Zords and all those walking rock golem putties.

[1:05:42] Goldar's just stomping around the town.

[1:05:44] Rita stops to eat a donut because you need those kind of hilarious little moments.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:49] It's like the Avengers eating shawarma, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:53] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:54] But it's in the movie, not after the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:56] It felt like for a long time, every movie that involved supernatural powers had to have a scene in like a diner.

[1:06:02] Yeah.

[1:06:03] Because what's more down to earth than a diner?

[1:06:05] Anyway, the Zords fight Goldar.

[1:06:08] Jason saves his dad from being crushed.

[1:06:11] There's a lot of CGI battling, blah, blah, blah.

[1:06:13] It goes on for a long time.

[1:06:15] Goldar almost pushes them all into a fiery pit.

[1:06:17] And they talk about how much they love each other and they would die for each other.

[1:06:20] This is that Toy Story 3 moment.

[1:06:22] Uh-huh.

[1:06:22] Which reminds me of a...

[1:06:24] How would you guys felt about Toy Story 3?

[1:06:26] If instead of them being saved at the last minute from their fiery death,

[1:06:30] instead they were melted...

[1:06:31] The movie showed them being melted down.

[1:06:32] And then that plastic used to make new toys.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:36] Uh-oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:37] That's interesting.

[1:06:38] Because that's...

[1:06:39] When it was happening in the movie, I was like...

[1:06:40] What would the new toys be, though?

[1:06:43] I don't know.

[1:06:43] Something that a kid would cherish nowadays.

[1:06:45] But it's like...

[1:06:46] Like a phone?

[1:06:47] Like a video game?

[1:06:48] Yeah, like a phone.

[1:06:50] Because when I was a kid, I was like...

[1:06:51] No, when I was a kid.

[1:06:52] I wasn't a kid.

[1:06:52] I was in my 20s when that movie came out.

[1:06:55] Or 30s.

[1:06:55] When I was watching it, I was like,

[1:06:57] I wonder if they'll end the movie with them being turned into new toys that a new kid will discover

[1:07:01] and form attachments to.

[1:07:02] And they stay alive that way.

[1:07:04] Uh-huh.

[1:07:04] But they didn't do that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:06] Yeah, they melt them down and they turn into the little...

[1:07:08] Little robot from AI.

[1:07:10] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:11] Or...

[1:07:12] But I mean, the worst version of it would be, I guess, they melted down and turned into, like,

[1:07:15] sex toys.

[1:07:16] And, you know, they're now...

[1:07:18] Now Woody and Buzz live up to their names in a different way.

[1:07:23] Why are you saying this?

[1:07:25] This is the worst thing.

[1:07:26] I want someone to make a deviant art image of a dildo with Woody's face and hat.

[1:07:31] And a dildo with Buzz Lightyear's kind of dome on it.

[1:07:35] And they're just like, I guess we're still toys.

[1:07:38] You know, something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:39] I mean, cartoonist Johnny Ryan hasn't already done that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:45] But anyway.

[1:07:46] But do they fall into that pit?

[1:07:48] They do.

[1:07:49] But while they do...

[1:07:50] I guess we're still toys.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:53] I'm still thinking about it.

[1:07:54] Like, now I'm thinking about, like, if it's like Toy Story, whether these sex toys come

[1:07:58] alive when people are around.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:00] Yeah, they do.

[1:08:01] And they talk to each other.

[1:08:02] And they go like, did you see what they did to me?

[1:08:04] Except they like it, because that's what they were meant to do.

[1:08:06] You can't name your characters Woody and Buzz and not have them become a vibrator and a

[1:08:10] dildo at some point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:11] Yeah, I mean, I guess they're bringing pleasure.

[1:08:13] Like, whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:14] Yeah, they're still bringing joy.

[1:08:16] Yeah.

[1:08:17] Now they can interact with Andy in a new way, now that he's an adult.

[1:08:20] Oh, God.

[1:08:21] Now that he's a kid and he's experimenting, and now that Woody is like a butt plug or

[1:08:24] something, now he can continue that relationship.

[1:08:27] Yeah.

[1:08:28] That was the whole thing when Woody is like, oh, he's not going to bring me to college with

[1:08:32] him.

[1:08:32] And I wanted to be like, Woody, you don't want to see him sitting there masturbating

[1:08:35] all the time.

[1:08:36] Like, come on.

[1:08:37] Or like bringing girls or boys back to his room.

[1:08:40] Like, that's going to be weird for you, Woody.

[1:08:42] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:42] Yeah, and just like, and all the painful stuff that a kid going to college goes through.

[1:08:48] Like, learning how to, I don't know, not leave gross food lying around.

[1:08:52] And like, learning how to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:54] Drinking too much, you know.

[1:08:55] Yeah.

[1:08:56] Anyway.

[1:08:57] So last when we left the Power Rangers, they had fallen to their death in a big lava pit.

[1:09:00] Uh-oh.

[1:09:02] Hey, remember when I told you that they're stronger when they're together?

[1:09:05] Go on.

[1:09:05] Turns out that's literal.

[1:09:07] Because they combine their zords to make some kind of a megazord.

[1:09:11] And they have one of those dumb moments where Billy is like, we're in some kind of like

[1:09:15] ultra zord.

[1:09:16] No, ultra zord.

[1:09:17] Or no, or something like that.

[1:09:18] No, that sounds lame.

[1:09:19] A megazord.

[1:09:20] And it's like, megazord also sounds pretty lame, Billy.

[1:09:23] I know.

[1:09:23] But you've got to like, have an organic way that they discover the trademarked name for

[1:09:28] this toy.

[1:09:28] Yeah.

[1:09:29] It's just, it's like anything where they're like, wait, say that again?

[1:09:35] You're right.

[1:09:35] I'll be a Batman.

[1:09:37] You know, or something like that.

[1:09:39] They, they combine together and Rita combines with Goldar, which actually makes, seems to

[1:09:44] make Goldar fight worse because the Rangers learn to work together.

[1:09:48] They all control different parts of the body.

[1:09:49] But there's a moment right there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:50] So I watched this part in the morning because I'd fallen asleep by then.

[1:09:54] Um, but, uh, there is a moment when she combines with Goldar and there's a reaction from Jason

[1:10:00] where he goes, shit.

[1:10:03] And I'm like, guys, I already get it.

[1:10:05] This isn't my daddy's Power Rangers.

[1:10:07] You don't have to start swearing.

[1:10:08] Yeah.

[1:10:08] You didn't need to say shit.

[1:10:09] Come on.

[1:10:10] This isn't Transformers the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:12] Yeah.

[1:10:12] Guardians of the Galaxy or the Smurf movie ad campaign.

[1:10:16] We don't need it.

[1:10:17] Uh, the, uh, anyway, there's a lot of monster boxing, a very short fight because as with

[1:10:23] ever in these movies, the fight with the biggest bad guy is the shortest because the movie has

[1:10:27] to end.

[1:10:28] These movies are all paced weird that way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:30] And the, that you would think that like a giant being of living gold who is piloted by

[1:10:36] a single mind would be better than a giant robot where each limb is piloted by a different person.

[1:10:42] Like, have you ever tried to do a two, like a three legged race?

[1:10:45] That shit's complicated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:47] It is.

[1:10:48] Yeah.

[1:10:48] Anything.

[1:10:49] Have you ever done, it's like on whose line is it anyway when the one person has to be

[1:10:52] the hands for the other person?

[1:10:54] Yeah.

[1:10:54] They never do it right.

[1:10:55] It just ends up being really silly and ridiculous.

[1:10:58] Oh, whose line?

[1:11:00] Anyway, so, uh, they stop Rita.

[1:11:04] They stop her and she jumps at them with her staff and the Megazord literally slaps her

[1:11:08] into space because the final image of the battle that we want you to see is a Zord piloted

[1:11:14] by a hetero white jock slapping a woman into space.

[1:11:18] Like it's the most dismissive, like kind of loaded way that they could defeat this evil

[1:11:24] woman who we don't know where she came from.

[1:11:26] Maybe she has a reason for being evil.

[1:11:28] She was named Repulsa.

[1:11:30] That's a hard badge to wear through life.

[1:11:32] Like that's a Scarlet R.

[1:11:33] He just slaps her and Billy goes, did you just slap her?

[1:11:36] And he goes, yeah, I did.

[1:11:38] I was like, what a douche.

[1:11:39] To the moon, Alice.

[1:11:41] As he does it.

[1:11:42] Yep.

[1:11:43] And all the other kids are like, we don't get that reference.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:45] Is that a setup for the fact that in the show Rita's headquarters is on the moon or something?

[1:11:51] Where she hangs out with Bulk and Skull, the two monster guys?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:56] Well, there's that other, what's the other, what's the villain who started as the main villain

[1:12:00] in Power Rangers who looked kind of like a monster with his skin off?

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:03] Yeah, I can't remember now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] Like Tyrannozord or something like that?

[1:12:07] Or Monster Teeth?

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:08] I'm sure somebody will tweet at us.

[1:12:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:12] Yeah, like Slim Goodbody?

[1:12:14] Something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:14] It's probably Slim Goodbody.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:16] Yeah.

[1:12:17] She goes into space and freezes.

[1:12:19] She'll be back for the sequel.

[1:12:20] No, she won't.

[1:12:21] This movie didn't make enough money.

[1:12:22] And now they're just back to being teens and being friends.

[1:12:25] And they love each other.

[1:12:26] Then they have an end credits scene teasing.

[1:12:30] And I was like, the credits start rolling.

[1:12:31] And I'm like, I'm going to skip ahead to see if there's some kind of teaser.

[1:12:34] And in the teaser, the guy who runs detention just starts going, roll call.

[1:12:38] Tommy Oliver?

[1:12:40] Is there a Tommy Oliver here?

[1:12:42] Tommy Oliver?

[1:12:43] And he repeats the name Tommy Oliver maybe a thousand times.

[1:12:47] And I had to look up.

[1:12:48] Apparently Tommy Oliver was the green dragon ranger.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:51] Yeah, the green ranger that was originally created by Rita to fight the rangers.

[1:12:55] And then he just joins them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:57] Didn't that guy?

[1:12:58] Vision, Wonder Man type thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:00] Doesn't that guy have like a weird, like the actor who played that guy has like a weird criminal situation?

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:07] I don't know.

[1:13:08] I mean, he was working with Rita Repulsa to destroy the world.

[1:13:10] That's pretty bad.

[1:13:12] I don't know if it's technically against, I don't know if there's a law on the books that says it's against the law to destroy the world.

[1:13:16] Probably not, or else polluters wouldn't get away.

[1:13:20] Or else Scott Pruitt would be in jail right now.

[1:13:22] But it was one of those things where, like I was saying, I was like, I know this is probably something exciting to Power Ranger fans.

[1:13:31] But I don't know what this is a reference to.

[1:13:33] And it reminded me when the Green Lantern movie came out.

[1:13:36] And they had those posters that would just be like, just the aliens with their names underneath them.

[1:13:41] And it would be like a picture of an alien underneath it would just be like, Ganox.

[1:13:45] And I was just like, what is this supposed to mean to someone who's not always like a big lantern hit?

[1:13:50] You mean Gnort?

[1:13:51] Isn't it Gnort?

[1:13:51] Gnort.

[1:13:52] I'm sorry.

[1:13:52] Gnort, not Ganox.

[1:13:53] I'm sorry.

[1:13:54] Ganox is a silly name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:55] Yeah, I've been playing a lot of that Injustice video game where you play the DC characters punching each other.

[1:14:02] So I've had to ask a lot of DC related questions of my comic book friends.

[1:14:07] Like, why does this guy have a flying cat character that vomits red stuff on people?

[1:14:13] Why does he?

[1:14:15] Because I guess that cat is like a being of fueled entirely by rage.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:20] Yeah, he's like, he's a red, he's a red lantern character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:23] Yeah, that's Atrocitus and Dexter the cat.

[1:14:26] Okay.

[1:14:26] Yeah.

[1:14:27] Sounds great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:28] So guys, let's go to Final Judgments.

[1:14:30] Let's do that.

[1:14:31] Dan, I'm being you for a moment.

[1:14:32] Guys, we're running long.

[1:14:33] Let's go to Final Judgments.

[1:14:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:36] I, as I teased before, like, I kind of enjoyed the early parts of this movie.

[1:14:40] Like, when it was just teen stuff and, like, teen drama and, I don't know.

[1:14:45] Like, I mean, like, yeah.

[1:14:48] I mean, like, I've got a soft spot for, like, soapy teen shit.

[1:14:51] And then, like, they combined that with.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:53] Wait, okay.

[1:14:54] Dan, let's just quote it.

[1:14:55] I've got a soft spot for soapy teen shit.

[1:14:58] The weird fetish.

[1:14:59] Shut up.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:00] You son of a bitch.

[1:15:01] Do not take that out of context.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:03] Dan's real.

[1:15:04] Take it out of context.

[1:15:04] Dan's really into when a teen poops.

[1:15:06] Somebody edit that into a weird.

[1:15:07] Orange soap on the poop, I guess.

[1:15:10] Whatever, Dan.

[1:15:11] I'm not going to judge you.

[1:15:12] You be you.

[1:15:12] Let your freak flag go.

[1:15:13] All right.

[1:15:13] Yeah, man.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:13] As long as nobody's getting hurt.

[1:15:15] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:15] Yeah, I'm not going to soap shame you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:17] As long as those teens are over 18, that's fine.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:20] Oh, God.

[1:15:20] Yeah.

[1:15:22] No, I like the early parts of this movie.

[1:15:24] I enjoyed the origin story stuff, as silly as it was.

[1:15:28] As soon as they got into, like, what are they called?

[1:15:31] Zorgs?

[1:15:32] Zorgs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:32] Don't act like you don't know what they are.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:35] I got bored.

[1:15:36] Like, right when the movie was supposed to be at its most exciting, when giant monsters

[1:15:41] were attacking each other, I'm just like, huh, this is just going on forever, and it's

[1:15:45] like a Transformers movie or something.

[1:15:47] Yeah.

[1:15:47] Didn't care for it.

[1:15:49] I actually had a...

[1:15:50] I mostly liked it.

[1:15:50] I'm sorry.

[1:15:51] What did you say?

[1:15:51] I mostly liked it.

[1:15:52] If you watch the first, like, two-thirds, if you're a big, you know, Power Rangers fan,

[1:15:57] I think you'll be...

[1:15:58] You'll enjoy it.

[1:15:59] But otherwise, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:01] Yeah.

[1:16:01] I'm going to say I enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would similarly until that last

[1:16:06] third, which is a problem.

[1:16:07] I...

[1:16:07] Frankly, it's a problem I have with Marvel movies a lot of the time, too, where once it

[1:16:10] gets to the big climax, I'm like, da-da-da-da-da, get through it.

[1:16:13] I don't care.

[1:16:14] But with this one, it's like, I don't...

[1:16:17] I feel like I didn't like it enough to call it a movie I kind of liked.

[1:16:19] Yeah.

[1:16:20] But it did work for me much more than I thought a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie would,

[1:16:25] and I give them a lot...

[1:16:25] I give the people who made it a lot of credit for that.

[1:16:27] It's still not that good, but it, like, if you like the Power Rangers, maybe you'll like

[1:16:33] it.

[1:16:33] I appreciate that whoever...

[1:16:34] The people who made this didn't, like, half-ass it as much as they could have.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:40] Yeah, I think those are all...

[1:16:41] I think that's all fair.

[1:16:42] There was a moment when I'm like, wow, they're spending a lot of time in this Power Rangers

[1:16:47] movie where these kids just aren't Power Rangers.

[1:16:49] They're just, like, hanging out.

[1:16:51] And that's fine.

[1:16:52] Like, I guess that's cool, and I guess we don't need to spend that much time with the

[1:16:57] boring giant robot stuff, which is not something I expected to say.

[1:17:01] But yeah, you know, it's all right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:04] I would say it's...

[1:17:06] This is not a great compliment, but I would say it kind of tries to accomplish what the

[1:17:11] Fantastic Four movie tried to accomplish, the most recent one, and does it in a much better

[1:17:16] way.

[1:17:16] Where it's like, we're going to take some time and spend time with these characters and

[1:17:19] look at them as characters first and kind of superheroes second.

[1:17:23] I will say almost all the action in it is super boring.

[1:17:27] And Elizabeth Banks raises the level of the movie quite a bit.

[1:17:30] I liked every scene she was in where she was talking and vamping it up.

[1:17:34] Yeah, she's great.

[1:17:38] Hello.

[1:17:39] Hello.

S4

[1:17:41] Are you looking for a new comedy podcast?

[1:17:43] In which case, can I draw your attention to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast?

[1:17:47] It's a fictional industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries.

[1:17:52] It won Best Comedy at the 2017 British Podcast Awards, and it features wonderful guests such

[1:17:57] as Greg Davis.

[1:17:58] To my knowledge, it's the only cow circus that's ever existed in this country.

[1:18:02] In rural Russia, every small town has a cow circus.

[1:18:06] Josie Long.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:07] You should have a beef.

[1:18:08] Have a beef with them.

[1:18:10] I have a beef with you.

[1:18:11] I will have a beef with you.

S4

[1:18:12] Come round my house, and I'll have a beef with you.

[1:18:15] And Andy Daly.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:16] That virus never existed.

[1:18:18] There was never any such thing as a mad cow disease.

S4

[1:18:20] That was all an illusion that Big Lamb came up with.

[1:18:25] That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.

[1:18:27] Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from.

[1:18:31] And I would recommend starting at episode one.

[1:18:34] Bye.

S5

[1:18:36] In a world dominated by dude bro movie podcasts.

[1:18:41] A world where Casey Affleck has an Oscar and Angela Bassett does not.

[1:18:48] Only one podcast is brave enough to call bullsh**.

[1:18:54] Who shot ya?

[1:18:57] With Ricky Carmona.

[1:18:58] A lot of people don't know.

[1:18:59] Porgs?

[1:19:00] Puerto Rican.

[1:19:00] Alonzo Duralde.

[1:19:02] I would eat oak jaw.

[1:19:03] April Wolf.

S4

[1:19:05] I want to interrupt and say that the fish man was real sexy.

S5

[1:19:08] Drea Clark.

S4

[1:19:09] I have a real soft spot for King Kong.

S5

[1:19:11] And women of color.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:13] I was like, damn!

[1:19:14] Ryan Cougar got final cut.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:15] Cougar got final cut.

[1:19:17] I just felt like the film was so sour and so completely irrelevant to basically anything

[1:19:24] in life.

S5

[1:19:25] Who shot ya?

[1:19:26] Listen every Friday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:36] So let's move on.

[1:19:37] And we've got some quick ads here.

[1:19:39] Some sponsors for the show.

[1:19:41] Thank you to our sponsors.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:42] Oh, thank you sponsors.

[1:19:43] You guys are great.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:44] Keeping the lights on.

[1:19:45] Keeping the lights on.

[1:19:46] Our first sponsor, the Flophouse is supported in part by Squarespace.

[1:19:54] Ready to start your new business?

[1:19:56] Make it stand out.

[1:19:58] Get started with Squarespace, where you can create a beautiful website to showcase your

[1:20:03] work or blog or publish content.

[1:20:07] You can sell products and services of all kinds.

[1:20:11] And how does Squarespace do this for you?

[1:20:13] Well, they give you beautiful, customizable templates created by world-class designers.

[1:20:18] And those templates have powerful e-commerce functionality, built-in search engine optimization and analytics, and 24-7 award-winning customer support.

[1:20:28] And what does that mean?

[1:20:29] Which part?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:31] The part before the customer support.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:33] Search engine optimization and analytics?

[1:20:36] Yes.

[1:20:37] I believe the first thing means that you will be a high result if people search for your website.

[1:20:45] Huh, that sounds good.

[1:20:46] And analytics, I believe, means you can take a look at who's been visiting your website.

[1:20:50] Can we call this a tech podcast now?

[1:20:52] Yeah.

[1:20:53] Yeah, yeah.

[1:20:53] Okay, file it under tech.

[1:20:54] Yeah, we can file it in that iTunes category.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:57] Now it's the floppy disk house.

[1:20:59] Now, Dan, this sounds really great.

[1:21:01] And that's kind of what I'm looking for with this new website that I'm trying to get off the ground.

[1:21:06] Now, there's a conversation that we had earlier in that episode.

[1:21:09] And it gave me an idea for a website.

[1:21:11] And I'm wondering if Squarespace could help me.

[1:21:12] And it's called DisneySexToys.com.

[1:21:14] Okay.

[1:21:15] Oh, no.

[1:21:16] And now it's now.

[1:21:17] I think that maybe, I mean, there would be a little litigation.

[1:21:20] Who doesn't love the beloved Disney characters?

[1:21:22] What, from Squarespace?

[1:21:23] You think they would sue me?

[1:21:23] No, I think Disney might have a few words to say.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:26] No, Disney, I'd try to get them in on it.

[1:21:28] Disney spelled with a Z and two E's.

[1:21:30] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:31] Yeah, yeah, it's Disney.

[1:21:33] It's spelled D-I-Z-K-N-E-E.

[1:21:36] Like you have a dizzy knee.

[1:21:37] Like your knee when you heard it, Dan.

[1:21:39] SexToys.com.

[1:21:40] And it's like all your favorite beloved Disney characters.

[1:21:43] Again, this is not related to the Disney with Mickey Mouse.

[1:21:48] This is the other beloved one with Disney characters like Licky Mouse.

[1:21:52] And, of course, and Donald Fuck.

[1:21:55] That goes without saying.

[1:21:56] And, of course, and Goofy, which is already a sexual name.

[1:22:01] So we would take these characters, and we're finally making the most out of them by, they've brought us pleasure for years on the silver screen.

[1:22:08] Now, what if we could have them give us pleasure in the bedroom?

[1:22:11] Now, Dan, I think you might want to invest in this site also, but do you think Squarespace would help me with setting this up?

[1:22:17] I want people to be able to buy these toys on their phones as well as on their computers.

[1:22:22] And you think they could do that?

[1:22:23] It would scale?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:23] Yeah, scale for mobile.

[1:22:25] It's beautiful that way.

[1:22:26] You can use it wherever you want to.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:30] Now, what if people are having trouble, they added to the shopping cart one of our Horace horse collars, which is a cock ring.

[1:22:41] And it's not showing up in the shopping cart.

[1:22:46] There's a problem with the software on the site.

[1:22:49] When can I get tech support from Squarespace for that?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:52] Well, yeah.

[1:22:53] I don't think the customers would directly get tech support, but you would get tech support.

[1:22:57] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] They would tell me about it, and I'd need tech support.

[1:22:59] Who could I go to?

Dan McCoy

[1:23:01] I mean, they've got 24-7 customer support, so I think you should be able to get those cock rings out post-haste.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:09] That's great, because I've also got another idea for a site.

[1:23:11] It's called www.danmccoyssoapyteenshit.com.

[1:23:16] I mean, the name kind of tells you what it's all about.

[1:23:20] And it's got that great Dan McCoy brand that we've all come to trust for our strange peccadilloes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:25] It's really crazy how you own the intellectual property.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:29] Yeah, well, in a low moment, Dan sold me the rights to his name and likeness and also his life story in exchange for a hug.

[1:23:39] And some would say I took advantage of a friend.

[1:23:43] Hey, hey, hey.

[1:23:43] And magic beans.

[1:23:45] Yeah, and magic beans, which you then ate, which kind of defeated the purpose of having magic beans.

[1:23:51] I was hungry.

[1:23:54] And you didn't even soak them in water or anything.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:56] You just ate them straight, which is crazy.

[1:23:58] They're so hard.

[1:23:58] Yeah, which is nuts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] You just crunched on them like sunflower seeds.

[1:24:02] Now, I want to apologize to anyone who might be listening to this with a young person in the room.

[1:24:06] I should have mentioned ahead of time that I was going to get a little blue.

[1:24:09] But you know who might help you with that with setting up your website, www.elliotkalenboycott.com, is Squarespace.

[1:24:18] So, Dan, what should people do about Squarespace?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:20] You should head over to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[1:24:24] And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:24:31] Yep.

[1:24:31] So, you use offer code FLIP?

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:33] No, FLOP.

[1:24:34] No.

[1:24:34] Why would you do that, Stuart?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:37] No.

[1:24:38] That's how they track whether we're doing a good job for them.

[1:24:40] If they use the offer code.

[1:24:41] So, don't use offer code FLIP?

[1:24:42] No, FLOP.

[1:24:43] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:43] No, FLOP.

[1:24:44] Use the offer code FLOP.

[1:24:45] Now I'm confused.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:47] Don't be.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:48] Why would you do that?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:50] Moving on.

[1:24:51] We're also supported in part by Mack Weldon.

[1:24:54] Mack Weldon is dedicated to making underwear, socks, shirts, undershirts, hoodies, and sweatpants that look and feel great.

[1:25:03] They believe in smart design, premium fabrics, and simple shopping.

[1:25:08] They want you to be comfortable.

[1:25:09] So, if you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they will still refund you.

[1:25:12] No questions asked.

[1:25:14] I'm wearing Mack Weldon underwear right now.

[1:25:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:17] I mean, there's definitely those social occasions that you go to where you want to arrive wearing matching hoodies and underpants.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:26] Yeah.

[1:25:27] Like a wedding or a funeral.

[1:25:30] Or a podcast recording.

[1:25:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:32] Or the annual pantsless subway ride that Improv Everywhere does.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:36] Oh, that's crazy.

[1:25:37] What crazy folks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:38] Mm-hmm.

[1:25:39] They're so zany.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:40] They bring joy to people's lives.

[1:25:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:42] They're just bringing a touch of whimsy to everybody's life when they're just trying to get to work and live their goddamn life without someone butting in with some fake whimsy.

[1:25:49] Anyway, Mack Weldon is a great underwear brand.

[1:25:52] I love it.

[1:25:53] It feels great.

[1:25:54] And you know what?

[1:25:56] Maybe we should all live in a Mack Weldon world.

[1:25:58] I call it Mack Weldon or Mick World.

[1:26:00] It could happen.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:03] The guy behind Improv Everywhere is a very nice man, by the way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:07] I'm sure.

[1:26:07] And I'm sure the people who do it are very nice.

[1:26:10] But I'm just saying when I'm in a restaurant eating lunch, trying to finish quickly because I've got to get back to work, I don't need a musical to break out in the middle of it.

[1:26:19] Maybe I'm having a –

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:20] Elliot wants his Chipotle burrito and he doesn't want any whimsy on it.

[1:26:24] He ordered it with extra hot sauce.

[1:26:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:26] Maybe I'm having a difficult conversation with a loved one at that moment and I don't need somebody having fun around me.

[1:26:35] Actually, has there ever been a scene in a movie like that?

[1:26:37] That would be kind of a funny scene where like someone's breaking up with a loved one or they've gotten a terrible – they're having to explain that they have like some kind of lethal illness.

[1:26:49] And Improv Everywhere shows up and is like, hey, everybody.

[1:26:52] It's fun time.

[1:26:53] And they have to have this very serious conversation while there's like some kind of goofy nonsense going on around them and they get really mad about it.

[1:27:01] Yeah.

[1:27:01] Anyway, somebody put that scene in a movie or I'll just do it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:27:05] I'll sneak it into my spec script for that Modern Family episode I want to write.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:10] Yeah.

[1:27:10] Yeah, actually, that would be the perfect place for it.

[1:27:12] So anyway, Mack Weldon, it's super comfortable.

[1:27:16] It's some of the best underwear you can get.

[1:27:19] Something tells me you can get it at a website.

[1:27:21] Dan, where do you go to get it?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:22] Well, you go to MackWeldon.com and you can get 20% off using promo code FLOP.

[1:27:29] So the same promo code for both Squarespace and Mack Weldon.

[1:27:33] Which is FLOP.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:34] That's FLOP.

[1:27:35] Don't listen to Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:35] It's FLOP is the promo code.

[1:27:37] I mean, I think don't listen to Stuart is a general life thing people should follow.

[1:27:42] Unless you're talking about Gene Wolfe books and which one to read first.

[1:27:45] Mm-hmm.

[1:27:46] Of course, Shadow of the Executioner.

[1:27:48] Come on.

[1:27:49] I think it's Shadow of the Torture, if my mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:53] So, don't even listen to Stuart about that, I guess.

[1:27:56] Guys, go to Squarespace.

[1:27:59] Set up a website about how much you love your Mack Weldon underpants.

[1:28:02] Like a Mack Weldon fan page.

[1:28:04] And for both of them, use the promo code FLOP.

[1:28:07] That sounds great.

[1:28:08] Hey, Dan, do we have any Jumbotrons today?

[1:28:10] We do.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:11] I sent one to you to read, so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:13] Oh, that's right.

[1:28:14] And I'm looking at it right now.

[1:28:16] Okay, everybody.

[1:28:18] Let's just talk about what's going to happen.

[1:28:21] Ultra 64 is the comprehensive Nintendo 64 podcast in which hosts Steve Gunty.

[1:28:28] No, sorry.

[1:28:29] Steve Guntley, it was far away.

[1:28:30] And Woody Siskowski.

[1:28:32] These are complicated names.

[1:28:33] I'm sorry.

[1:28:34] Steve Guntley and Woody Siskowski play through the entire catalog of N64 games in random order.

[1:28:40] Fast, funny, and informative with some great guests, including Upright Citizens Brigade favorite, Betsy Sudaro.

[1:28:46] Revisit some of your favorites like GoldenEye, Banjo-Kazooie, and Tony Hawk, and discover some crazy new favorites and flops along the way.

[1:28:54] Subscribe to Ultra 64 today.

[1:28:55] So subscribe to Ultra 64 on iTunes or Stitcher today.

[1:28:59] I've got to tell you guys, I'm going to listen to this podcast because I was a big Nintendo 64 player when I was young.

[1:29:05] Yeah.

[1:29:06] And I want to hear them talk about Banjo-Kazooie, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games.

[1:29:10] And you know they're fans because they're calling it Ultra 64, which was the name of the system before they called it Nintendo 64.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:16] Hmm.

[1:29:17] I did not know that.

[1:29:18] Elliot almost saved messing up those names.

[1:29:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:22] Uh, almost.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:24] Uh, I never had a N64.

[1:29:27] I'd always have to play it at other people's places.

[1:29:30] Uh, so yeah, maybe, uh, maybe I should revisit it too.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:34] Oh yeah.

[1:29:34] This is, you know, we had, you'd know we have a Nintendo 64 at home if you ever go to my brother's apartment.

[1:29:39] Since as an art project, he took all the old boxes for our Nintendo 64 games, glued them together into one big collage, and then put it up on his wall.

[1:29:48] So that's a little glimpse into the life of David Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:53] That's one way to set up a party zone.

[1:29:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:57] But, uh, but yeah, it sounds like a fun podcast.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:00] Ultra 64 it's called.

[1:30:02] Should we talk a little bit about our live shows?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:05] Yeah, let's do it.

[1:30:05] We got three big live shows coming up where people can come see us talk in person, and we'll be all dressed up, and we'll do presentations, and it'll be a lot of fun.

[1:30:14] Dan, where and when are these shows?

[1:30:16] How do we get tickets?

[1:30:17] Uh.

[1:30:17] Do I need a ticket?

[1:30:18] I'm in the show.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:19] No, you're covered.

[1:30:21] I'll put you on the list.

[1:30:22] Awesome.

[1:30:22] I'm on the list.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:23] I mean, you can still buy one, though.

[1:30:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:26] Maybe I will.

[1:30:27] The first show is on May 26th.

[1:30:29] Uh-huh.

[1:30:30] That's in D.C.

[1:30:31] Uh-huh.

[1:30:31] That's a Saturday night.

[1:30:33] Yeah, on the 6th of the 9th Historic Synagogue.

[1:30:36] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:36] That's in D.C., Deep Carolina.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:38] Yeah.

[1:30:38] No, Washington, D.C., our nation's capital.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:42] Oh, you should have said the whole name.

[1:30:43] You should have named the city and not just the district that it's in.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:45] Okay, well, I always throw it on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:48] Could have been another city in D.C., in the District of Columbia.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:51] Uh-huh.

[1:30:52] The next one is actually a Brooklyn homecoming.

[1:30:56] That's on the 7th of June.

[1:30:59] That's a Thursday.

[1:31:01] Yep.

[1:31:01] At the Bell House, where we've done plenty of wonderful shows.

[1:31:05] They're always nice there.

[1:31:07] No, they're okay.

[1:31:08] Oh, wow.

[1:31:09] A real Brooklyn home.

[1:31:11] And we also have a show in Seattle on June the 30th at the Neptune Theater.

[1:31:16] And all those shows are at 8 o'clock.

[1:31:19] You can buy tickets for them at flophousepodcast.com.

[1:31:26] Dot com slash events.

[1:31:27] Slash events.

[1:31:27] Very hard to remember.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:29] For the D.C. show, we'll be reviewing Geostorm.

[1:31:32] For the Brooklyn show, we will be reviewing The Dark Tower.

[1:31:37] And for Seattle, we'll be watching The Mummy.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:42] I'll be frank with you guys, the listeners.

[1:31:45] No, you'll be Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:46] Yeah.

[1:31:46] Wait, should we call you Frank now?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:48] I'll be frank with listeners.

[1:31:50] The D.C. show is selling a little slow.

[1:31:52] I think it's because it's on Memorial Day weekend.

[1:31:54] Uh-huh.

[1:31:55] So if you like us touring, if you like the idea of us touring, maybe come on out, support the show.

[1:32:01] I mean, if you're from out of town, that might be a good time to take your little vacation.

[1:32:07] Who knows?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:09] I know that people don't want to really be in Washington, D.C. right now for a variety of reasons, but come on by.

[1:32:14] And you know what I'm going to promise?

[1:32:15] Hey, guys, let's try to make this a politics-free zone on that show.

[1:32:20] You know what?

[1:32:21] Let's give those people in D.C. a little break from the news.

[1:32:23] What do you say about that?

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:25] I'm not going to agree to that.

[1:32:28] I can't either.

[1:32:28] Okay, guys, never mind.

[1:32:30] Isn't a politics-free zone just another way to say that you're making the political choice to be supportive of conservatives?

[1:32:38] Oh, wow.

[1:32:39] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:40] That's a loaded statement.

[1:32:41] Controversial.

[1:32:42] I'm not sure I fully agree with.

[1:32:44] But, okay, guys, so if you want to see a really political show that's full of, that's really bringing it to those guys in Washington, come see us.

[1:32:52] Well, really, we're going to be talking about Geostorm.

[1:32:54] So that's, I don't know how, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:57] Just focus on the Geostorm part of things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:00] Maybe not.

[1:33:00] And something that I've decided to do is, for these, we always do PowerPoint presentations before the shows.

[1:33:06] This is something that we've done at all of our live shows.

[1:33:09] I think I'm going to start doing presentations that I only do once.

[1:33:14] Oh, wow.

[1:33:14] I don't know if I can pull it off.

[1:33:17] So if you come to the DC show, you're going to see a presentation from me that you will never see again.

[1:33:21] So I don't know if that wets your whistle anymore.

[1:33:23] I can guarantee that.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:25] I'm going to be doing, I think, the same presentation at all three live shows.

[1:33:28] But there are different parts of the country, so no one will ever know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:31] Only the person who flies from DC to Brooklyn to Seattle.

[1:33:34] Yeah.

[1:33:35] I'll know.

[1:33:36] Yeah, you'll be bored by them.

[1:33:38] Yeah.

[1:33:38] So if you want to share, but all these shows are special moments that will never be repeated again.

[1:33:43] It's live theater.

[1:33:44] And, you know, who knows what's going to happen.

[1:33:46] Maybe there'll be a marriage proposal.

[1:33:48] Maybe an onstage murder.

[1:33:50] Oh, wow.

[1:33:51] Perhaps we'll just talk about Geostorm at one of them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:54] Yeah.

[1:33:54] And aren't we just going to do a whole bunch of raw political comedy?

[1:33:57] No, again.

[1:33:58] A couple of Bill Mayers.

[1:33:59] We're not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:00] Bill Mayers.

[1:34:01] Yep.

[1:34:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:03] Yeah, like a bunch of John Mayers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:06] Yeah, like a bunch of Louis B. Mayers.

[1:34:09] Louis G.

[1:34:09] Wait, wait.

[1:34:10] Louis B. Mayers.

[1:34:11] Yeah.

[1:34:11] I don't remember what his middle initial was.

[1:34:12] What's he the mayor of?

[1:34:14] He was the mayor of Movietown.

[1:34:15] Okay.

[1:34:17] So, moving on.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:20] It's time for letters from listeners.

[1:34:23] Listeners like you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:25] The first letter is from...

[1:34:27] Sometimes you want to sing a letters song, but your voice is not feeling so great, because

[1:34:32] you might be coming down with something.

[1:34:34] So, what do you do?

[1:34:35] What do you do?

[1:34:37] Here's what you do.

[1:34:37] You push through.

[1:34:38] You push through the illness.

[1:34:40] You push through your stuffy nose and your sore throat.

[1:34:43] You sing that song because people are relying on you.

[1:34:47] All over the world.

[1:34:49] There are people relying on this letters song.

[1:34:52] And I can't let them down.

[1:34:54] I can't let them frown.

[1:34:55] I gotta be a clown for them.

[1:34:58] I gotta let them hear so that they can cheer.

[1:35:01] And they can show the world that there's still the magic of the letters song.

[1:35:07] Even when our throats don't feel too good, we can still do a song that's way too long.

[1:35:12] Because it's a letters song for everyone in the world.

[1:35:16] But especially the children.

[1:35:19] Okay.

[1:35:20] Well, thanks for that.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:22] I just thought I'd do my part.

[1:35:23] Yeah.

[1:35:24] You're a real philanthropist.

[1:35:28] So this first letter is from Patrick Doherty.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:31] Oh, hey, Patrick Doherty.

[1:35:32] Oh, sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:33] Patrick, last name with help.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:34] I forgot our bit.

[1:35:35] Wow.

[1:35:35] Okay.

[1:35:36] Wow.

[1:35:36] Dan.

[1:35:37] I forgot our longtime bit.

[1:35:39] You just unmasked that person.

[1:35:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:42] Elder brother of Shannon Doherty.

[1:35:44] I was so bedazzled by your letter song.

[1:35:48] But anyway.

[1:35:50] That's powerful.

[1:35:51] Dearest the Flophouse.

[1:35:53] I was in an art slash porn class in college.

[1:35:56] It's not as exciting as it sounds.

[1:35:58] It explored the line that separates art and porn.

[1:36:01] Right around the time when it came out that Chuck Palahniuk was gay.

[1:36:05] It was pointed out by the professor that knowing he's gay makes many parts of Fight Club seem homoerotic.

[1:36:11] I don't think that knowing that you don't I don't think you need to know that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:14] Yeah, they were pretty homoerotic before that.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:16] But anyway, he writes, are there any movies where you found out something about the personal life of the director or writer that changed the way you saw the movie?

[1:36:23] Thanks, Patrick.

[1:36:25] Last name disclosed.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:28] Yeah, I mean, the super obvious recent one was the was the whole Quentin Tarantino almost killing Uma Thurman in a car accident and making Death Proof right after.

[1:36:40] That makes Death Proof feel really weird.

[1:36:42] Yeah.

[1:36:43] Because it's like, here's a stuntman who has a stunt car where the driver could never get injured, which is such like a strange fantasy that one makes after making a movie where a stunt car almost kills your lead.

[1:36:54] But then also that person used that car to kill people.

[1:36:58] And then he takes Uma Thurman's stunt double from Kill Bill and slaps her on the hood of a car for one of the craziest car chases ever put on film.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:05] Yeah.

[1:37:06] Yeah.

[1:37:06] That it's like, oh, this movie about a guy who uses a souped up car to kill people to kill women was made by a guy who almost killed a woman with a souped up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:13] Like somebody who was a close friend and considered his muse.

[1:37:18] I mean, it's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:20] Yeah.

[1:37:20] It's very cool.

[1:37:21] Well, technically, I think just her feet are his muse.

[1:37:23] Sure.

[1:37:25] But I think there's a...

[1:37:27] Go on.

[1:37:27] Yes.

[1:37:28] No, no.

[1:37:28] You say, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:29] You go first.

[1:37:29] I think another obvious one is Vertigo.

[1:37:31] Like knowing how Alfred Hitchcock was obsessed with Grace Kelly.

[1:37:35] Like then this movie about someone making over a woman to be like his previous obsession.

[1:37:43] I mean, that's clearly a theme that spoke to him in particular.

[1:37:49] Yeah.

[1:37:50] That's all I had to say about that.

[1:37:52] I mean, it's a pretty well-known story.

[1:37:56] I don't think we're breaking new ground just yet.

[1:37:57] Not breaking new ground there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:58] Until Elliot goes.

[1:38:00] Something that occurred to me recently is there is all this talk about Woody Allen and how in light of Woody Allen's possible acts that Manhattan seems kind of creepy now.

[1:38:12] And it's like, wait a minute.

[1:38:13] That storyline in Manhattan was always creepy.

[1:38:16] Like, and Manhattan is a movie I enjoy most of.

[1:38:20] But every single scene with him and his underage girlfriend, even when I was a teenager watching it, I was like, this is weird and creepy.

[1:38:26] And I feel like there's a lot of people who are like, oh, it didn't bother me until I realized that he might have some kind of thing for possibly for underage women.

[1:38:34] It's like, no, this was always creepy, guys.

[1:38:35] The author's intent does not change the creepiness of this original thing or enhance it.

[1:38:39] It was always creepy.

[1:38:42] There's this scene where she's like, why do you want to break up?

[1:38:44] We have great sex.

[1:38:45] And I was like, oh, come on.

[1:38:47] That's, I don't, I don't like that.

[1:38:49] That's not okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:51] Yeah.

[1:38:52] So just depressing all around.

[1:38:54] You're just like a bunch of real creeps making movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:58] Yeah.

[1:38:58] Creeps make movies.

[1:38:59] What are you going to do?

[1:39:01] So moving on.

[1:39:03] Somehow the people who make movies and they want their professional job to be telling other people what to do while they pretend to live out fantasies that they've crafted.

[1:39:14] Somehow those people are kind of creepy.

[1:39:16] It's pretty surprising.

[1:39:17] I don't know.

[1:39:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:20] Well, thanks for making me feel bad about movies in general now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:23] I will say, so I watched, I rewatched Alien again recently.

[1:39:27] Great movie.

[1:39:27] Yeah.

[1:39:27] And it like, it really changed the way I looked at it to find out that Ridley Scott is half xenomorph, that his mom was a xenomorph.

[1:39:34] Oh, yeah.

[1:39:35] Yeah.

[1:39:36] And that she implanted an egg into his dad.

[1:39:38] And that's how he and his brother Tony were born.

[1:39:40] And it was like, oh, okay.

[1:39:41] Now I see things about this character.

[1:39:43] Like before I just took it for granted, the xenomorph is the monster.

[1:39:46] But now I'm kind of seeing it more from the xenomorph's point of view a little bit.

[1:39:49] Now that I know that Ridley Scott probably really related to this xenomorph to a certain extent.

[1:39:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:54] Yeah.

[1:39:55] That's a good real example.

[1:39:59] Let's move on.

[1:40:00] Paul, last name withheld, writes, if any of you were to ever start a cult, what do you think you would call it?

[1:40:05] And what do you think Sabbath services would look like?

[1:40:08] This is a tough one.

[1:40:09] I don't know if I.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:11] It's really the kind of question I wish you'd sent us ahead of time since I thought about it.

[1:40:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:15] I feel like, Dan, your cult would involve sitting around a room reading newspaper cartoon strips.

[1:40:22] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:23] Oh, I have to assume that it would be like, it's like, on the Sabbath, we, as is our holy right, do not get dressed and stay in our pajamas.

[1:40:32] And we reorganize our DVDs as a way of symbolizing the reorganization that all lives must have.

[1:40:43] And now, at the Church of Dan, the services would be like this.

[1:40:50] Blessed art thou, Dan.

[1:40:51] And then the whole congregation would go, ah.

[1:40:54] Who makes us to feel the futility of things.

[1:40:57] And the whole congregation would go, ah.

[1:40:59] That's pretty much it.

[1:41:00] I think at my church, it would be called Elliot Kalin's Discount Church.

[1:41:06] Yeah.

[1:41:07] We'd just have fun.

[1:41:08] Everything would be a dollar.

[1:41:09] And, like, you know, maybe we just.

[1:41:11] What's everything?

[1:41:13] I don't know.

[1:41:14] Like, all the stuff you buy at church.

[1:41:15] I don't know.

[1:41:15] I don't go to church.

[1:41:16] What if you buy at church?

[1:41:18] Like, the wafers.

[1:41:19] You gotta pay for those, right?

[1:41:20] Yeah.

[1:41:20] How much are those?

[1:41:21] Like, $4.99 a pop?

[1:41:22] Yeah.

[1:41:22] It's a buck at mine.

[1:41:24] And probably there'd be a lot of, like, I don't know, just talking about Abraham Lincoln.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:32] Sitting around chatting about Lincoln.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:34] So let me think.

[1:41:35] My cult.

[1:41:36] Well, it would be somewhere in the backwoods, right?

[1:41:39] And we would get some.

[1:41:40] Of course.

[1:41:41] And we would get some rundown homes.

[1:41:43] So we'd have to find a way to get money for that.

[1:41:46] And instead of paying for a trash company to pick up our trash, I think we're just gonna, like, put it in the house in places.

[1:41:56] Like, I don't want a trash man coming around.

[1:41:59] That'll disrupt our services.

[1:42:00] Now, for Sabbath, that's gonna be tough.

[1:42:04] So we're gonna need to get some campers or hikers, okay?

[1:42:11] So we're gonna have to find a way to lure them in.

[1:42:13] Now, I guess we'll probably collect hubcaps.

[1:42:17] And we gotta sharpen those bad boys to turn them into, like, wicked boomerang discuses, right?

[1:42:22] Okay.

[1:42:23] Okay.

[1:42:23] So we're gonna do that.

[1:42:25] That way that, like, if we hit someone, if you hit someone in the neck just right, it just pops that head clean off.

[1:42:31] Now, we're gonna need to collect.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:31] I don't know why you would want to do that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:32] We're gonna collect those heads, okay?

[1:42:35] Oh, wait.

[1:42:36] So you are gonna do that, okay?

[1:42:37] Yeah, you collect those heads.

[1:42:38] The bodies, that's not important.

[1:42:40] Leave that to attract wolves so that those wolves then attract rangers, okay?

[1:42:45] And those park rangers, you know what those guys have?

[1:42:48] And ladies, they have heads.

[1:42:50] Okay.

[1:42:51] Okay?

[1:42:51] So we're gonna collect their heads, too.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:53] So the heads are used to collect more heads.

[1:42:55] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:56] Yeah.

[1:42:56] Well, no, you keep the head and then you shuck off the body.

[1:42:59] Yeah.

[1:43:00] Okay, but what are you gonna do with that head?

[1:43:02] Okay, now, that's the thing.

[1:43:05] The heads have brains in them, okay?

[1:43:06] And if you put enough brains together, you're gonna come up with some really good ideas.

[1:43:12] Okay.

[1:43:13] So this is just like a think tank, like a weird think tank.

[1:43:15] Oh, I see.

[1:43:16] Yeah.

[1:43:16] So, but instead of a tank, we're just gonna have a gross bathtub filled with brains.

[1:43:21] And maybe a couple bathtubs.

[1:43:22] I don't know how successful we're gonna be before we get caught.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:25] But okay, interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:28] I think I kind of covered the core tenets of this cult.

[1:43:32] Okay, well.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:34] Sounds like a horrifying kind of death cult, but.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:38] And then watch in 10 years, it's the number one religion in the world.

[1:43:41] Like, it's huge.

[1:43:42] Yeah, that's the thing.

[1:43:42] You know, the world moves pretty fast, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:46] This next letter's from Esben, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:43:51] Hey, Peaches, my wife is pregnant with our first kid, a boy.

[1:43:54] Oh, congratulations.

[1:43:56] Yeah.

[1:43:57] And we can't decide on a name.

[1:43:59] Oh, there's a lot of pressure.

[1:44:00] She keeps suggesting crazy movie and TV character names.

[1:44:03] Like Frazier.

[1:44:05] As such, I'm not against the idea if they were good suggestions.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:08] I don't think Frazier is crazy as a character.

[1:44:11] He's a little neurotic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:13] He's, in some ways, he's more neurotic than his patients.

[1:44:17] Oh, wow.

[1:44:17] You know, he hears things.

[1:44:20] Like, he hears the blues calling.

[1:44:23] And also, tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

[1:44:26] They talk to him.

[1:44:27] Yeah.

[1:44:27] Very strange.

[1:44:28] Yeah.

[1:44:29] And he doesn't know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

[1:44:33] Yeah.

[1:44:33] They're calling again.

[1:44:34] Bum, bum, bum.

[1:44:35] Good night, Seattle.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:37] The question in this email is, what's the best movie character name for a boy?

[1:44:43] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:44:44] P.S.

[1:44:44] I've suggested Elliot, Dan, and Stuart.

[1:44:46] They're still in the running.

[1:44:48] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:50] Yeah.

[1:44:50] So what's the best movie name for a boy?

[1:44:52] Movie name.

[1:44:52] What, like Pinhead?

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:44:54] Or, uh...

[1:44:54] That's pretty good.

[1:44:55] But are you referring to Pinhead from the Puppet Master series or Pinhead the Cenobite?

[1:45:00] That's the great thing is you can commemorate both in one name.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:04] But what about Godzilla?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:07] Godzilla's a good one, too, because it indicates, what, size?

[1:45:12] And also radioactive breath.

[1:45:16] Now, Dan, you'd probably suggest, what, David Byrne?

Dan McCoy

[1:45:21] Yeah, that's right.

[1:45:22] The famous character, David Byrne.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:26] I mean, he is kind of a character.

[1:45:27] He's quite a character.

[1:45:29] Admit it.

[1:45:30] Dan, you met him recently, and you said he was kind of a character, right?

[1:45:33] Oh, he's pulling pranks?

[1:45:35] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:37] I mean, I think you don't want to go too crazy with a name.

[1:45:39] You want to give your child a name that, you know, will help them stand out a little bit,

[1:45:44] but people will recognize it immediately as a name while also commemorating a great film.

[1:45:49] So, of course, I think Zardoz.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:53] There's a lot of great Star Wars names, like Moth.

[1:45:57] Oh, yeah, like Mace Windu and Mothma.

[1:46:01] Yeah.

[1:46:02] Nieland Sleazebagano.

[1:46:04] Yeah.

[1:46:05] Dexter Jetster.

[1:46:08] Mm-hmm.

[1:46:09] Nyan Neb.

[1:46:10] Nyan Neb, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:12] Darth Sidious.

[1:46:13] Mm-hmm.

[1:46:13] And Sifo Diaz.

[1:46:16] Sifo, yep, Sifo.

[1:46:17] And who could forget such great characters' names as Walrus Man.

[1:46:22] Yeah.

[1:46:23] And Snaggletooth.

[1:46:24] And Gonk the Power Droid.

[1:46:27] I mean...

[1:46:28] Gonk the Power Droid is a pretty strong name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:31] Darth Plagius the Wise would be a good one.

[1:46:33] Yeah.

[1:46:34] Yeah.

[1:46:35] And, of course, Lumpy, Chewbacca's son.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:39] Sure, yeah, that's a Star Wars name.

[1:46:41] It's canon.

[1:46:42] It's canon.

[1:46:43] Yeah, the holiday special is canon, right?

[1:46:44] Yeah.

[1:46:45] It didn't introduce Boba Fett.

[1:46:46] Yeah, I mean...

[1:46:47] He's canon as far as I'm concerned.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:48] When Disney took over, they didn't destroy all that stuff, just the Timothy Zahn stuff, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:54] Yeah.

[1:46:55] Well, all the expanded universe novels.

[1:46:57] Yeah.

[1:46:57] Okay.

[1:46:58] Which means my Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina book is now worthless.

[1:47:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:47:03] It's no longer hidden knowledge that I once thought I had about the Star Wars universe.

[1:47:07] Here, guys, I'm going to get real for a second.

[1:47:09] Sure.

[1:47:09] Yeah.

[1:47:09] My wife and I are having a similar problem.

[1:47:11] We're expecting a boy.

[1:47:12] Mm-hmm.

[1:47:13] And we do not know what to name this boy, and we're having trouble finding a name that

[1:47:16] we like a lot.

[1:47:17] And one of the places we go to is art that means something to us.

[1:47:21] Mm-hmm.

[1:47:21] And we've also been having trouble with it.

[1:47:23] So I guess what I'm saying is this conversation has really inspired me, and now I finally have

[1:47:28] a name for him, which is Momonadon.

[1:47:31] His name will be Momonadon Ponda Bay Bacalian, named after two of my favorite Cantina aliens.

[1:47:37] Mm-hmm.

[1:47:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:38] I like...

[1:47:39] I'm glad that we came to this decision together as a group of three.

[1:47:45] As a group, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:46] As a family, yeah.

[1:47:47] Yeah, without your wife.

[1:47:49] Yeah, she doesn't need to know.

[1:47:51] She'll wake up from giving birth, and she'll look at the birth certificate, and she'll go,

[1:47:54] Oh, what?

Dan McCoy

[1:47:57] Yeah.

[1:47:58] Or you can just keep telling him that that's his name in secret, and be like, don't tell

[1:48:02] your mom.

[1:48:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:48:03] But just prefer...

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:04] You have a secret name of power, and it's Momonadon Ponda Bay Bacalian.

[1:48:09] And he'll be like, Dad, that sounds pretty dumb.

[1:48:11] And I'll be like, it came from George Lucas's brain.

[1:48:13] It's not dumb.

[1:48:15] There's never been anything dumb to come out of that man's head.

[1:48:19] What I was told recently by someone who worked with George Lucas is that apparently when George

[1:48:24] Lucas would have writer's block, he would just sit down and write lists of names.

[1:48:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:48:28] He would just come up with names.

[1:48:29] So he has notebooks full of fictional names.

[1:48:31] And whenever they needed names for, like, characters that were toys or something, he'd be

[1:48:35] like, eh, have some of these.

[1:48:37] And he'd just give them a bunch of names from this notebook.

[1:48:39] And it, like, some names would really stick in his head, which is why Mace Windu appears,

[1:48:44] like, in different drafts of the Star Wars scripts as, like, a planet, or it's like a guy,

[1:48:49] or it's like a group.

[1:48:50] Like, he was going to use that name Mace Windu.

[1:48:52] So he puts a lot of thought into some of those names.

[1:48:54] Others, not so much.

[1:48:56] Like, uh, uh, like, um, that one character whose name is Space Droido.

[1:49:01] Mm-hmm.

[1:49:01] That's not...

[1:49:02] Didn't put a lot of work into that.

[1:49:03] No, no, no.

[1:49:05] Uh...

[1:49:05] And, uh...

[1:49:06] Luke Skywalker's original name was Space Boy.

[1:49:09] Right.

[1:49:10] And Chewbacca's original name was Space Bear Ape.

[1:49:13] Mm-hmm.

[1:49:13] And people were like, George, you gotta come up with names for this.

[1:49:15] Yeah, they actually...

[1:49:16] And Leia's...

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:16] That was his name all the way...

[1:49:18] They even started shooting with some of those names.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:20] Yeah.

[1:49:20] And then they had to change it.

[1:49:21] Oh.

[1:49:21] You see those production pictures of Peter Mayhew's chair that he would sit in, and on

[1:49:25] the back it just says Space Ape, Space Bear Ape.

[1:49:27] Yeah.

[1:49:28] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:28] And they're like, George, like, these characters know that they're in space.

[1:49:31] You don't need to, like, reinforce the fact that they're all in space.

[1:49:35] Like, this is just normal to them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:37] Oh, man.

[1:49:37] They're like, George, what if it...

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:38] That Space Bear Ape in Annihilation was really incredible, right, guys?

[1:49:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:43] It's not in space.

[1:49:43] That's just on Earth.

[1:49:45] Wait a minute.

[1:49:45] And it has no...

[1:49:46] But isn't it kind of in space?

[1:49:48] Yeah, we're all in space, Elliot.

[1:49:50] I mean, yes, that's true, because Earth is in space.

[1:49:52] Okay, fair point.

[1:49:54] But yeah, they released some of those original toys, and it would say, like, Space Boy, Space

[1:49:59] Pirate.

[1:50:00] Back when the movie was just called Wars, and he was like, how are people going to know it

[1:50:03] takes place among the stars?

[1:50:04] The movie's just called Wars, and that's when I think it was Brian De Palma was like, why

[1:50:08] don't you call it Star Wars?

[1:50:09] And he was like, because of all the stars in it.

[1:50:12] Like, Harrison Ford from Air Force One.

[1:50:15] Yeah, of course.

[1:50:15] Let's call it that.

[1:50:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:17] Well, we've cracked that code.

[1:50:20] I don't know what that means.

[1:50:21] You got some more jokes there to do, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:23] No, we don't have any more.

[1:50:24] You got any rips?

[1:50:24] Okay.

[1:50:25] Do you have any more sweet lets?

[1:50:27] No.

[1:50:27] It's getting a little dry.

[1:50:28] Any more Tracy letters?

[1:50:30] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:30] No.

[1:50:31] Well, there was one more, but we're running long, so I felt like we should, we'll just

[1:50:35] cut it off now, that great Star Wars riff.

[1:50:38] Cool.

[1:50:39] Yeah, that great riff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:39] So listeners, write in and guess which letter Dan excised from the rolls.

[1:50:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:45] Maybe it was yours.

[1:50:46] Mm-hmm.

[1:50:46] And write it, you know what?

[1:50:47] Listeners, write in and tell us your favorite Star Wars name and maybe make up a story behind

[1:50:51] it.

[1:50:52] Who knows?

[1:50:52] Maybe, you know what?

[1:50:53] Maybe we'll read them.

[1:50:54] We probably won't.

[1:50:55] But maybe we'll read them.

[1:50:56] You never know.

[1:50:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:57] So what do we do now?

[1:50:58] Let's move on to the final segment of the show where we do recommendations of movies

[1:51:03] we liked, let's say, better than Power Rangers.

[1:51:07] Okay.

[1:51:07] Let's set that at the bar.

[1:51:08] If that's even possible.

[1:51:09] Setting the bar kind of low, but that's okay.

[1:51:13] Does anyone want to go or should I go first?

[1:51:15] I don't.

[1:51:16] You're talking.

[1:51:16] Go right ahead, Dan.

[1:51:18] I went to see, on Friday night, I saw, that's an important part of the detail, that's

[1:51:25] an important detail for the show, like what night I.

[1:51:26] Just Dan.

[1:51:27] Friday night, feeling right.

[1:51:29] Don't dig a deeper hole.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:31] Just tell us the thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:33] I saw, I went and saw.

[1:51:35] Geez, Louise.

[1:51:36] You Were Never Really Here.

[1:51:38] Oh.

[1:51:40] Directed by Lynn Ramsey, who directed We Need to Talk About Kevin, which I never saw, and

[1:51:45] Morvern Caller, which I saw and liked a lot.

[1:51:49] And starring Joaquin Phoenix as a burly guy.

[1:51:55] That's his character in the check to IMDb.

[1:51:58] It's about a contract killer who is a very troubled man who saves.

[1:52:03] Unlike most of them.

[1:52:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:06] Yeah.

[1:52:06] Very well adjusted, usually.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:08] He goes out and he saves young children who have been kidnapped.

[1:52:14] And he's hired by a senator to get back his daughter who has been sold into prostitution.

[1:52:22] Okay.

[1:52:23] And he takes his trusty ball-peen hammer to go beat up a bunch of folks and get this daughter

[1:52:31] back.

[1:52:31] But he finds himself embroiled in a bigger conspiracy.

[1:52:37] Sounds like a Sin City comic book.

[1:52:41] No.

[1:52:41] Well, the thing is, it's like, it is, the outlines of it are kind of this gritty, like, brutal

[1:52:48] man against the world thriller.

[1:52:51] But it's actually a lighthearted musical, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:54] Well, the interesting thing about it is the movie...

[1:52:57] Well, Hammer, it's just you and me.

[1:52:59] On the road again, let's just see.

[1:53:03] What adventures await for a man and his hammer?

[1:53:06] Like, that song's in it?

[1:53:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:08] No, the movie kind of subverts what you would normally get in kind of this revenge thriller

[1:53:13] mode by not really showing you the violence as it happens.

[1:53:18] I mean, the violence that is kind of suggested is brutal and horrifying, but it kind of holds

[1:53:26] back on what you would expect, like, this revenge, like, reveling in the violence kind of thing

[1:53:32] would be.

[1:53:34] And it's a very elliptical movie.

[1:53:37] And I will...

[1:53:37] Oh, so you get a workout while you're watching it.

[1:53:38] Yeah, you do.

[1:53:40] And I would...

[1:53:42] While watching it, I kind of felt, for part of it, like, oh, okay, well, this is...

[1:53:47] A good movie.

[1:53:49] It's not the masterpiece I've been led to believe, like, based on some of the reviews.

[1:53:54] Like, isn't it basically just this, like, kind of tawdry thriller at its heart?

[1:54:00] But then there's some developments kind of late in the movie that turn things on their

[1:54:05] head, like, aren't what you would expect out of the film, that kind of left me...

[1:54:09] I don't know.

[1:54:10] I've been reflecting on the movie a lot since I've seen it because of the way it made me

[1:54:15] feel.

[1:54:16] And so...

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:16] You were left reeling and feeling.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:18] Yeah.

[1:54:18] So you were never really here is my recommendation.

[1:54:22] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:24] Uh, I'm gonna recommend a movie from, I think it was last year, uh, that some people loved

[1:54:30] and some people didn't love.

[1:54:32] Um, it's, you know, kind of like Mother, right?

[1:54:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:36] Mother?

[1:54:36] Oh, yeah.

[1:54:36] I mean, Mother, I would say a few people loved, me included, and most people didn't like.

[1:54:41] I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:41] So I really liked Mother, but...

[1:54:43] And that's not what I'm recommending.

[1:54:44] But I really liked Mother, but it wasn't until the other night when I had a bartending

[1:54:48] stress dream that I'm like, oh, that's why I liked Mother.

[1:54:52] Because it's basically like my stress dreams where, like, it's four in the morning and people

[1:54:57] keep coming into the bar and I can't get them out.

[1:55:00] And like, I'll go downstairs for more beer and come back and people have, like, climbed

[1:55:04] behind the bar and started helping themselves.

[1:55:07] Yeah.

[1:55:07] Uh, spoilers for Mother.

[1:55:09] Spoilers for your dreams.

[1:55:11] Yeah.

[1:55:11] Uh, no, I'm going to recommend a movie called It Comes at Night.

[1:55:16] Uh, a movie that, uh, both the title and the trailers pitch it as, like, a post-apocalyptic,

[1:55:23] uh, monster horror movie.

[1:55:26] Um, and it kind of isn't.

[1:55:29] Uh, it's just this small little, uh, story set in a post-apocalypse.

[1:55:37] It's sad and, I don't know, kind of horrible, but it's beautiful and, I don't know, uh, if

[1:55:44] you're, you are looking for something that's kind of short and heavy, uh, yeah, watch It

[1:55:51] Comes at Night.

[1:55:52] Well, I like half of those things.

[1:55:56] Which, which half?

[1:55:57] Heavy or short?

[1:55:57] Short half.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:58] By the way, Uh, You're Never Really Here is also short.

[1:56:01] It's like 89 minutes long.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:02] It also sounds heavy.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:03] Yeah, it is also heavy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:05] Hey, speaking of short movies, this one's maybe not quite so heavy.

[1:56:09] Uh, I wanted to recommend a movie that's also within 90 minutes in length.

[1:56:13] Uh, this is a movie called Private Parts.

[1:56:15] Not the one you're thinking of called Private Parts.

[1:56:18] Not the Howard Stern one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:19] Yeah, but you're always talking about how much you love that.

[1:56:21] I think you've already recommended it, like, four times.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:24] Oh, oh, it changed my life.

[1:56:25] It's my favorite movie.

[1:56:26] I'm like, how did, how, why didn't Howard ever get to make another movie?

[1:56:28] I just have to watch that and, and the video of his pay-per-view butt bongo special that

[1:56:33] he did years ago.

[1:56:35] But, uh, so, uh, Private Parts, it's the first feature film that Paul Bartell directed.

[1:56:41] Paul Bartell from Death Race 2000 and Eating Raul fame.

[1:56:44] And also who appeared as the usher in Gremlins 2 in the movie sequence.

[1:56:48] Uh, and it's a movie about a, it's a, like a, kind of a sleazy thriller, but it's a really

[1:56:54] good sleazy thriller where it's one of these movies where it's from the 70s and there's

[1:57:00] this kind of ambiguous take on non-traditional sexuality where it's partly seen as horrifying

[1:57:08] and partly seen as liberating.

[1:57:11] Uh, but it's about this young woman who is a runaway.

[1:57:14] She's ran away to Los Angeles and she finds, she goes to a hotel that her aunt runs that

[1:57:19] is full of weirdos and, and people down on their luck.

[1:57:23] It's like the kind of real transient hotel that cities have been gentrifying out of existence

[1:57:28] in, in big ways.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:29] Uh, oh, like the one that, uh, was on the corner of your old, old block.

[1:57:35] Uh, yeah, I vaguely remember that.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:38] Yeah, I remember that one.

[1:57:39] It was kind of like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:40] There was that weird little hotel.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:42] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:57:43] That did like hourly rates.

[1:57:44] That had a bunch of prostitutes in it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:46] Yeah.

[1:57:47] Or are you talking more like the hotel in Florida Project where people just like live?

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:52] More like the one, well, I mean, people live there.

[1:57:54] It's like a, people live there, but it's, it's more like the hotel that was on Dan's block

[1:57:58] and less like the, the motel in Florida Project.

[1:58:01] Uh, because it's not families living there.

[1:58:04] It's, you know, like single men who are weird basically live there.

[1:58:07] And she starts to become herself kind of obsessed with and also the, when you said single men

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:15] who are weird, Dan looked me right in the eyes and nodded.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:19] Uh, the, uh, she becomes obsessed with, and he becomes obsessed with her, with someone

[1:58:27] who lives in the hotel, this photographer named George, that there's some thing about.

[1:58:31] And there's a murderer at the hotel.

[1:58:34] And there's a twist that comes up later that is not really that unpredictable.

[1:58:38] It's kind of predictable, but it's, it's like the movie is, but is kind of funny at times,

[1:58:44] but it's also genuinely like, like, uh, weird and unsettling, but it seems to feel like a

[1:58:50] real sympathy for the people in this hotel.

[1:58:52] And it's shot by the cinematographer was Andrew Davis who went on to direct like the fugitive.

[1:58:57] So it looks amazing.

[1:58:58] And under siege.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:59] Like it, it looks, it looks fantastic.

[1:59:01] Under siege?

[1:59:02] Yeah.

[1:59:03] Awesome.

[1:59:04] And, uh, so this is before he was a director.

[1:59:06] That's a movie where they do die hard on a boat, Dan.

[1:59:09] Yeah.

[1:59:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:11] Uh, so if you're interested in seeing a movie that looks great, that was shot on real

[1:59:15] locations.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:15] Did he direct under siege to dark territory?

[1:59:17] I don't think he did.

[1:59:18] No, I don't think he did.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:20] If you want to see this movie, did he direct speed to cruise control?

Dan McCoy

[1:59:24] No, it's a different.

[1:59:25] Cause that's also a boat.

[1:59:27] And no, he didn't do that one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:28] Anyway, it's a really good, like kind of smart trash thriller.

[1:59:31] If you've ever wanted to see a scene where somebody has sex with a, an inflatable doll

[1:59:35] that you inflate by filling it with water.

[1:59:38] And then, uh, yes, I do.

[1:59:40] And you use it for kind of a weird, like sex murder game so that you don't end up actually

[1:59:45] killing a real person.

[1:59:46] Uh, then private parts is the movie for you.

[1:59:49] And I didn't, I did not do a good description of it.

[1:59:52] Uh, but I thought it was, if you're looking for like a seventies kind of sleaze thriller

[1:59:56] that has a brain and more of a heart than you would, than normal, then private parts

[2:00:02] is a really good example of that.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:04] I mean, I felt like you did a good job.

[2:00:06] I'm intrigued.

[2:00:07] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:07] Hopefully.

[2:00:08] I think you would like it, Dan.

[2:00:09] I think you would like it.

[2:00:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:10] That was right up my alley.

[2:00:12] Seventies sleaze thriller.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:14] Yep.

[2:00:14] It's a Corman movie, but not a Roger Corman movie.

[2:00:17] It was produced by his brother, Gene Corman.

[2:00:19] Hmm.

[2:00:20] But it's very much a Paul Bartell movie and Paul Bartell, like he made a lot of good stuff.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:25] Yeah.

[2:00:25] I've had eating Raul sitting on my Jivo for months and I've just never got around to it,

[2:00:30] but I've always wanted to see that movie.

[2:00:33] Sounds like a meal you should sink your teeth into.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:36] It says Stuart Wellington of the flop house.

[2:00:41] About a movie he hasn't seen.

[2:00:43] I've seen the case of the VHS tape and I think my parents had it on tape too.

[2:00:49] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:50] It's an adventurous movie for anyone's parents to have on tape, I feel like.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:54] I feel like Eating Raul is one of those movies that is very much an art movie, but it like

[2:00:58] broke through and became, you know, kind of as mainstream a movie.

[2:01:02] I feel like it's kind of like My Dinner with Andre that way, where it's like, this is an art movie.

[2:01:08] Like, this is not a movie you would expect to play at like a multiplex, yet somehow it broke

[2:01:13] through to the public consciousness in a way you wouldn't expect, where people are aware

[2:01:17] of it.

[2:01:17] Yeah.

[2:01:17] Or might have even seen it that you wouldn't expect to.

[2:01:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:21] Except for those millennials.

[2:01:22] Am I right, guys?

[2:01:24] Not knowing My Dinner with Andre.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:28] Wait, what?

[2:01:28] They would love My Dinner with Andre.

[2:01:30] They love Frasier, and that's basically My Dinner with Andre the sitcom.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:36] No, I was just, I don't know why I made that joke.

[2:01:40] It was barely even a joke.

[2:01:42] Justify your dumb joke.

[2:01:43] I do that all the time.

[2:01:45] Yeah.

[2:01:46] So, guys, now's the time in the podcast where we end the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:51] Okay.

[2:01:52] We call it the ending, and it goes a little like this.

[2:01:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:55] It goes, for the flop house.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:57] Was this podcast a good, good podcast?

[2:01:59] A bad, good podcast?

[2:02:01] Or a podcast you kind of liked?

[2:02:02] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[2:02:03] I feel like the listener gets to decide that.

[2:02:05] I don't think that we can.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:06] I think it was kind of a podcast podcast.

[2:02:08] Yeah.

[2:02:08] So, I mean, you know.

[2:02:09] That's what I was looking for.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:10] Don't sue me or anything.

[2:02:13] I won't sue you, Stuart.

[2:02:15] For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:02:18] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:20] And over here is Elliot Kalin, just, you know, drifting off on this ice flow, off to the horizon.

[2:02:26] His time on Earth has come to an end.

[2:02:28] And now, he'll be back again, maybe someday, in your dreams.

[2:02:33] Goodbye.

[2:02:34] Goodbye.

[2:02:48] Like, okay, this guy really took Lemmy's death hard, and he wants to see Lemmy whenever

[2:02:52] he looks in the mirror.

[2:02:53] Sure.

[2:02:54] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:57] Maybe I'm in a band.

[2:02:59] Yeah.

[2:02:59] I don't know.

[2:02:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:59] I mean, when I would see, if I saw you and didn't know you, I would assume you were in

[2:03:02] a band.

[2:03:03] Yeah.

[2:03:04] With that.

[2:03:04] You were in either a metal band or like a southern rock band.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03:08] Oh, yeah.

[2:03:08] I was going to say southern rock all the way.

[2:03:11] Yeah.

[2:03:11] You do a lot of Skinnered covers.

[2:03:12] I would say there's a lot of, like, three-part male harmonies in this band.

[2:03:17] Oh, yeah.

[2:03:17] And two guitars.

[2:03:18] Two leads.

[2:03:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:03:21] Well, that's been Beard Talk, I guess.

[2:03:23] Okay.

[2:03:24] Beard Talk.

[2:03:24] So, this has been brought to you by Dollar Shave Club.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03:29] MaximumFun.org.

[2:03:31] Comedy and culture.

[2:03:32] Artist owned.

[2:03:33] Listener supported.

Ep. #256 - Power Rangers

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