Ep. #257 - The Greatest Showman

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the greatest showman.

Elliott Kalan

[0:05] His name, Dan McCoy, Mr. Excitement.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] Oh, hey there, Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:42] Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, all the ghosts of those I've wronged have come to visit me, Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[0:48] Mm-hmm, and I bring spectral chains to bind you with.

Elliott Kalan

[0:52] No! Each link of those chains was forged in my life.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Yeah, why'd you forge those chains in your life? It seems like it's really come back to bite you in the ass.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02] Yeah, yeah, the chains did bite me in the ass. Way to mix metaphors there, Dan. Brilliant work, Mr. Poet.

[1:07] Anyway, I forged those chains because I wanted to be like the guy who founded Patagonia,

[1:13] who started out by building his own mountain climbing equipment just as a blacksmith.

[1:19] Was his name Cliff Patagonia?

[1:21] Cliff Patagonia, and now he's a very wealthy man who loves the earth, and his company helps to destroy it.

[1:27] By enabling rich assholes to go on very expensive vacations.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32] Do their clothes feature like animal products the way that those Canada goose jackets are like the product of like fox hunting?

[1:42] Oh, really?

[1:43] I am not aware of that.

[1:44] I didn't know that.

[1:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:45] They're like, there's like all these protests.

Dan McCoy

[1:48] But that seems like such an old-fashioned way to get like a fox, if that's what you want for clothing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] Yeah, it's either that or just like...

[1:56] Wait, Dan, it's not like the fox is sewn into the lining of the jacket.

[1:59] What are you talking about?

[2:00] Well, I don't know what they're using as fox.

[2:01] What's the newfangled modern way to get a fox, Dan?

[2:04] What's the 21st century way to get a fox?

[2:07] Fox Farming.

Dan McCoy

[2:08] You get Fox Farms going on.

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] Oh, like that Angelina Jolie movie, Fox Farm?

[2:12] Mm-hmm.

[2:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Wait, is that the one where Chevy Chase eats hog balls?

[2:19] You're thinking of not Funny Farm.

[2:21] Funny Farm.

[2:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:27] Yeah.

[2:27] Is that the sequel to Funny Farm?

[2:29] You know who loved Funny Farm?

[2:30] Roger Ebert.

[2:32] He gave it like three and a half stars.

Stuart Wellington

[2:34] Was there like a buxom lady in it?

Dan McCoy

[2:36] I don't know.

[2:37] I don't remember.

[2:38] He does love those.

[2:39] Or he did love them.

[2:42] Yeah, poor guy.

[2:43] R.I.P.

[2:44] Anyway, what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[2:46] Other than disparage Robert, Roger Ebert.

[2:50] Or his brother, Robert Ebert,

Elliott Kalan

[2:52] whose name is almost an anagram for itself,

[2:55] but not quite.

[2:56] Try again next time, Robert Ebert.

[2:59] Not enough letters in your last name, dude.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] And, of course, Robot Ebert, which...

[3:09] Oh, of course.

[3:11] Boy.

[3:12] Let's not forget.

[3:13] Steely Claws crushed Gene Siskel.

[3:17] Oh, boy.

[3:17] And you thought your family was weird.

[3:21] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[3:22] So, are you just reading the, like, line on the bottom of the video box?

Elliott Kalan

[3:28] Of the Ebert boys?

[3:30] The rousing comedy?

[3:32] It seems...

[3:33] So, Roger Ebert is a film critic.

[3:35] His brother, Robert Ebert, wants to be a film critic.

[3:38] And their other brother is a robot.

[3:40] And they've all got to lose their virginity in Tijuana during spring break.

Dan McCoy

[3:45] Yeah.

[3:46] That sounds great.

[3:47] Anyway, on this podcast...

[3:49] So, what do we do on this podcast, Dan, other than pitch brilliant ideas for movies?

[3:53] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[3:56] Uh-huh.

[3:56] And this time around, we watched a movie called The Greatest Showman.

[4:00] Uh-huh.

[4:00] Now, I remember...

[4:01] Now, I was going to be...

Elliott Kalan

[4:02] Oh, wait.

[4:02] Are you going to say how there's some controversy about our choice of this one?

Dan McCoy

[4:05] Yeah, but you can go on.

Elliott Kalan

[4:07] Because it was a very successful movie, both financially and with certain critics.

Dan McCoy

[4:12] Yeah, I remember Elliot really wanted to do this movie, and he's like,

[4:15] Can we do that thing to that piece of shit looking Greatest Showman?

[4:19] And I'm like, I think it's still in theaters.

[4:20] That sounds a lot like Elliot.

[4:22] It was like the stealth hit.

Stuart Wellington

[4:28] Well, let me go check my...

[4:31] Let me check my...

[4:31] Real quick, guys.

[4:32] Let me check the tomato meter.

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] The thermometer for it is probably pretty high.

[4:39] I mean, it made like $400 million or something.

[4:41] Like, it was a sleeper hit, as you would say.

[4:44] If anyone could fall asleep during all those bombastic musical numbers.

Stuart Wellington

[4:48] That thermometer, well, with the critics, no thanks.

[4:52] A 56%.

[4:53] That's a green splat right on its face.

[4:56] Now, guys...

[4:58] What about top critics?

[4:59] Somebody ring up my friend Charlie Booker.

[5:02] Because what if...

[5:03] What if...

[5:04] Now, hear me out.

[5:05] Okay.

[5:05] What if...

[5:06] Now, just don't interrupt.

[5:08] I think you want to hear this whole idea.

[5:09] Yep, ready.

[5:10] What if...

[5:10] What if somebody invented a rotten tomato meter for life?

[5:17] Okay.

[5:17] Uh-huh.

[5:18] So, just...

[5:19] That's a Black Mirror episode.

[5:21] I mean, it is.

[5:22] I mean, I guess...

[5:23] I guess just Venmo me the money for that idea.

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] No, but Venmo.

[5:27] That's another Black Mirror episode right there.

[5:29] We're coming up with great ideas for Black Mirror.

[5:31] What if you could Venmo...

[5:32] What if you could Venmo emotions?

Stuart Wellington

[5:35] What?

[5:36] So, wait.

[5:37] Is it like a chip in your brain?

[5:39] Or is it attached to a robot?

[5:41] And that robot will, like, make you feel good?

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] That's the greatest thing.

[5:45] We don't have to explain it.

[5:46] We just say it.

[5:47] And then we have kind of, like, a pretty standard drama between two people.

[5:53] But they send emotions to each other over phones.

Stuart Wellington

[5:56] Uh-huh.

[5:56] So, like, there will be a scene where a kid is graduating.

[6:00] And instead of openly congratulating their kid, the parents just Venmo them the emotion of congratulations?

[6:07] Yes.

[6:08] I realize now this is very similar to the movie Equilibrium.

[6:11] Yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[6:13] This is very similar to the movie Equilibrium where emotions are against the law.

[6:17] Yeah, well, that's not similar.

[6:20] One of them, you're just sending emotions around.

[6:21] Well, it will be because both...

Stuart Wellington

[6:22] No, it'll be similar because both of them will use gun food.

[6:24] Wait, emotions were against the law in that movie?

[6:26] Yeah, because I thought the whole movie was just a gun food delivery system.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] I mean, it is, but the high concept was that emotions are against the law.

[6:33] Anyway, Chuck Brooker, get involved with us.

[6:38] Tell us...

[6:38] Well, we got plenty of ideas for Black Mirrors.

[6:41] Like, for instance, what if...

[6:43] Okay, people love animated GIFs of, like, cute cats.

[6:47] What if they liked animated GIFs of people getting killed?

[6:51] That's another Black Mirror right there.

[6:52] Yeah, that's terrifying already.

[6:54] They've been desensitized.

[6:55] Desensitized, yeah.

[6:56] And it's a world we could live in today.

[6:58] Except we won't.

[7:00] I guess...

[7:00] You know what, guys?

[7:01] I just feel stung by that last season of Black Mirror, which I felt like was not as good as the other ones.

[7:05] Maybe I'm being too harsh.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] I mean, I think it reached a kind of...

[7:11] Let's just use the word equilibrium again.

[7:13] Okay.

[7:14] Where it just kind of, like, leveled out.

[7:16] And the highs weren't as high and the lows weren't as low.

[7:18] It was just, eh.

Elliott Kalan

[7:19] Yeah, I think you're right.

[7:20] So, anyway, The Greatest Showman.

[7:21] That's what we're talking about today, right?

Dan McCoy

[7:24] I both haven't watched Black Mirror.

[7:27] And I was fiddling around with the Skype call trying to fix some technical difficulties.

[7:30] So, I'm sorry if I sort of dipped out of the conversation there for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[7:34] You didn't want to piss off Mr. Television.

[7:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] Who runs that show and all things.

Elliott Kalan

[7:39] Who might hire you someday.

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] Who knows?

[7:40] Yeah, Dan doesn't want to burn any bridges right now.

[7:43] Yeah.

[7:44] Especially right now of all times.

[7:46] When the Cherry Blossom Festival is going on across the street and it's making Stuart's parking difficult.

[7:51] I don't understand how the two things relate at all, but I accept.

Elliott Kalan

[7:55] Yeah, that's the untold behind the scenes story of how we're recording late today because Stuart's parking was difficult.

[8:02] Because Stuart decided to drive to somewhere in New York like a fucking Seinfeld character.

Stuart Wellington

[8:07] That's true.

[8:09] I am a lot like a Seinfeld character.

Elliott Kalan

[8:12] Which, so you're, you know, you're clearly Kramer, right?

[8:16] I think so, yeah.

[8:17] I mean, I think.

[8:19] Yeah.

[8:20] And I think Dan and I are both George.

[8:22] Yeah.

[8:23] And Hallie is Elaine.

[8:24] That goes without saying.

Stuart Wellington

[8:27] So, wait.

[8:29] I don't have to say all that bad stuff at that comedy club, right?

[8:33] You do.

[8:34] You have to be racist.

[8:35] Because you're Kramer now.

[8:36] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[8:38] This briefly changed into a behind, Flophouse behind the music episode.

[8:44] And now it's just the Seinfeld cast, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[8:47] So, speaking of Seinfeld, none of the stars of Seinfeld appear in The Greatest Showman.

[8:52] Which is too bad because George Costanza himself, Jason Alexander, is a noted song and dance man, Tony Award winner.

[8:59] Yeah.

[9:00] For his work on Broadway.

[9:01] But he's not in this.

[9:01] But, so here's why I want to do this movie so badly.

[9:04] One, it is a big spectacle musical of the type that you don't see that much of anymore.

[9:09] Basically, this and La La Land are the only ones I can think of since, what, like, Moulin Rouge?

[9:16] And I'm not counting, like, Beauty and the Beast.

[9:18] Like, adaptations of pre-existing musicals or, like, Broadway shows that became movies like Jersey Boys.

[9:23] Like, I'm not counting those.

[9:24] I mean, like, an original to the screen, big budget musical.

Dan McCoy

[9:28] Although, in this case, it kind of feels like a Broadway show that they just snuck a camera into at certain times.

Elliott Kalan

[9:35] Okay.

[9:36] But, like, also because from everything I saw about it, it looked really dumb.

[9:43] And I guess, is it going to turn out to have been dumb?

[9:45] You'll find out on tonight's episode of The Flophouse.

[9:48] Join us, won't you?

[9:49] Weeknights at 9 on WPIX, New York's movie station, Channel 11.

[9:53] Mm-hmm.

[9:55] Okay.

[9:55] Well, we finished the promos.

[9:57] I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Stuart Wellington

[9:58] Oh, Elliot, no.

[10:01] Come back.

[10:02] Oh, I got some bad news for you, Elliot.

[10:03] You're going to have to cancel your plans.

[10:05] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[10:07] So, guys, should we go through what happens in The Greatest Showman and find out whether it is indeed the greatest show?

[10:12] Because it's like, you want to say, welcome to all my friends to the show that never ends.

[10:18] But it doesn't.

Dan McCoy

[10:19] It's only an hour and 44 minutes long.

[10:21] Yeah.

[10:21] By the way, I was sitting at home watching it, and my main thought was, there's got to be a greatest snowman meme out there.

[10:28] And sure enough, there was.

[10:30] Oh, great.

[10:31] Yep.

[10:32] What is the greatest snowman?

[10:33] Is it?

[10:34] I guess.

[10:35] Is it Frosty?

[10:35] Frosty, I assume.

[10:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:38] I mean, was there an upset?

Dan McCoy

[10:40] Yeah.

[10:42] I mean, they just had the snowman from The Snowman.

[10:45] They weren't like.

[10:45] Oh, man.

[10:46] The saddest snowman?

[10:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] That sucks.

[10:50] Dan, can you name another snowman other than Frosty?

[10:54] Jack Frost.

[10:55] Not a snowman.

[10:56] Which one?

[10:57] Or you mean the movie Jack Frost?

[10:59] Yeah.

[10:59] Or the movie.

[11:00] Because Jack Frost, the personification of cold, is not a snowman.

Dan McCoy

[11:04] No, I understand.

[11:05] I was talking about the movie Jack Frost.

Elliott Kalan

[11:07] Oh, which one?

[11:08] The horror movie or the Michael Keaton movie?

Dan McCoy

[11:11] I think I was thinking of the horror movie, because you could argue whether Michael Keaton in the Michael Keaton movie was purely a snowman.

[11:17] Oh, because he had the soul of a dead man in it?

[11:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:21] But he doesn't have organs or anything, right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:26] No, but he has a mouth organ, a harmonica, because he's like a jazz musician in the movie.

[11:31] Oh, he is?

[11:32] I think I didn't realize.

[11:34] Or a blues musician.

Dan McCoy

[11:35] Okay.

[11:35] I think I didn't realize he was dead in the movie, because that seemed pretty bleak for a children's film.

[11:39] I thought he probably just turned into a snowman to learn a lesson or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:42] No, no.

[11:43] Maybe he comes back, but he's like a dad who was never around his kids, because he was busy being a blues man, and he dies and comes back as a snowman.

[11:50] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[11:51] Is it because he was so cold to his kids?

Elliott Kalan

[11:54] Yeah.

[11:55] I think that's what it is.

[11:56] Yeah, he becomes a real ghost dad, by which I mean he is found guilty on all charges of being a bad dad.

[12:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] You know, there's a lot of supervillains in the DC universe that use cold as a weapon.

[12:09] I think that's kind of strange.

[12:11] Okay, I can name two.

[12:14] Okay.

[12:15] How many more are there?

[12:17] Dan, can you get out of this?

[12:18] I'm not betting in this game.

Elliott Kalan

[12:19] Dan, can you beat me?

[12:21] I can name two cold-based DC villains.

[12:23] Can you beat me?

[12:24] Can you name three?

Dan McCoy

[12:26] I cannot go over you.

[12:28] You know what?

[12:28] I can name three.

[12:30] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[12:30] Okay.

[12:31] If Weather Wizard counts, then I can name three.

Stuart Wellington

[12:34] I guess it'll count.

[12:35] I mean, does Penguin count?

[12:36] I mean, he always makes his guys hang around cold penguins.

[12:40] Only in Batman Returns, I think.

[12:42] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:43] Well, there's still others.

[12:45] Captain Cold and Mr. Freeze are the only ones I can really think of.

Stuart Wellington

[12:48] Yeah, and Killer Frost.

[12:52] Killer Frost?

[12:52] Who's Killer Frost?

[12:53] Isn't that a Flash villain?

Elliott Kalan

[12:56] Are you thinking of Captain Cold?

Stuart Wellington

[12:57] Probably.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] Or maybe you're right.

[13:00] I don't know, DC.

[13:01] I'm a Marvel zombie.

[13:02] Anyway, greatest showman, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[13:04] We should probably get back on track.

[13:05] You don't want to guess names as super villains anymore?

Elliott Kalan

[13:11] Coldies?

[13:12] Is that a super villain?

[13:14] Yep.

[13:15] Yeah.

[13:17] Okay.

[13:17] Elsa?

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] Does she count as a super villain?

[13:19] I mean, it depends on your point of view.

[13:21] Yeah.

[13:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:23] She's not a DC character.

[13:25] If anything, she'd be a Marvel character because she's part of Disney.

[13:27] But anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[13:28] Oh, it's only a matter of time.

[13:29] I guarantee you that.

[13:31] I haven't seen Avengers Infinity War yet.

[13:33] Maybe it happens in that.

[13:34] But in Avengers Infinity War 2, I guarantee you that Elsa shows up.

[13:38] Mickey shows up.

[13:39] Goofy shows up.

[13:40] Yep.

[13:41] Like, somehow the Ninja Turtles are going to show up.

[13:44] Somehow Mario and Luigi are going to show up.

[13:47] They're all in it.

Stuart Wellington

[13:48] And that kid that carries around the giant heart-shaped key from the Kingdom Hearts video game is going to show up?

[13:53] Oh, of course.

[13:54] Oh, yeah.

[13:55] Definitely.

Elliott Kalan

[13:56] Oh, and Luke Skywalker and C-3PO.

[13:59] They're all in it.

[13:59] Greedo.

[14:00] All your favorite Star Wars characters.

Stuart Wellington

[14:02] Glad Greedo comes alive.

[14:03] Is he a ghost and a snowman?

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] I think this happens before the first Star Wars, so he's still alive.

[14:10] Okay, that's good to know.

[14:12] No, but Greedo's dad just comes back as a ghost and a snowman.

[14:15] His name?

[14:16] Snowdo.

[14:17] Wow, okay.

[14:18] Or, you know what?

[14:19] No, Greasnow.

Stuart Wellington

[14:21] That's kind of on the snows.

Elliott Kalan

[14:23] So the greatest showman, or should I say snowman?

[14:27] No one's ever thought of that joke before, right, Dan?

[14:29] Nope.

[14:31] So the greatest showman, it's all, it's like this movie feels like the trailer for a much longer movie.

[14:40] To me.

[14:41] Like there were so many times during the movie where I was like, is this the movie?

[14:44] Because it's moving along really fast and I don't really have a sense of who any of these characters are.

[14:49] But I'll get into it.

[14:50] So it opens with a rousing number that Hugh Jackman sings about how this is the greatest show and the circus is everything you'll ever want or dream of.

[14:59] Because here's something about the circus that I think is fascinating to me.

[15:03] The circus always presents itself as like, this is the ultimate fantasy world.

[15:07] This is all the things you've never seen before.

[15:10] When really it's like acrobats and clowns and elephants.

[15:13] And I love the circus.

[15:14] I'll go to the circus every day.

[15:16] But I've never been at the circus and been like, oh, I could never imagine such a thing.

[15:21] How do you feel about circuses vis-a-vis that?

Stuart Wellington

[15:23] You'd prefer their hype to be a little more like stayed, like a little more realistic and be like, oh yeah.

[15:30] So we have trapeze guys and some weird looking folks and music maybe, peanuts.

Elliott Kalan

[15:40] I would like them to say, for two hours you're going to enter a world of spectacle and amazement.

[15:45] Then you'll feel bad the rest of the day as you think about how the animals and people are treated before and after the performance.

[15:52] Like that's an accurate description of the circus to me.

[15:55] Again, a world that I love, circus stuff.

[15:58] Who wouldn't want to run away and join the circus?

[15:59] I'll tell you who.

[16:02] Every other character in The Greatest Showman who's not P.T. Barnum.

[16:05] Because now we're introduced to Hugh Jackman's character as a boy.

[16:09] He's young Phineas Barnum.

[16:11] He's just a poor pauper.

[16:13] A street urchin whose dad is a tailor of some kind, but they're still very poor.

[16:17] Even though his dad is a tailor to a very rich man.

[16:22] They're making a house visit, tailoring for some rich guy.

[16:26] And Phineas decides to clown around and he makes a little rich girl laugh.

[16:29] And gets slapped at for it by her dad.

[16:32] But then they meet up afterwards on a beach and Phineas and her sing a classic I want song.

[16:36] About how there's a hidden place just for them no matter what anybody says.

[16:40] And this song goes on for a very long time.

[16:44] It covers years of their life.

Dan McCoy

[16:46] Yeah.

[16:46] That's what I was going to say.

[16:48] We are in scene.

[16:49] It goes on so long they're old by the end of the time.

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] We are in scene three of this movie.

[16:53] This is the third scene of the film.

[16:55] And we're already skipping through years of time as we watch them get older.

[17:00] Phineas' dad, who I don't even know his name.

[17:02] I don't know what their relationship was like.

[17:04] He's had two lines of dialogue.

[17:05] He dies.

[17:06] I don't know if this dad states Phineas or not.

Stuart Wellington

[17:08] I'm assuming it doesn't affect him too much other than giving him a complex about wanting to make a name for himself.

Elliott Kalan

[17:16] I guess so, yeah.

[17:17] Because Phineas goes on.

[17:19] Sorry, what were you going to say?

Stuart Wellington

[17:20] He just goes to comfort his dying dad, and then the next thing we see is him putting a top hat on a pine box.

Elliott Kalan

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:27] Which is how you buried people back then.

[17:29] They didn't have enough dirt.

[17:30] They buried people in single top hats.

[17:34] If you ever go to an old cemetery, it's just pine boxes covered in top hats.

Stuart Wellington

[17:38] I mean, that's kind of the trick with top hats is that they're very distracting.

[17:41] So you see the top hat, and you don't even look at what's underneath it.

[17:46] That's why everyone assumes people wearing top hats are just Abraham Lincolns.

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] Yeah, because you just see the hat.

[17:52] That's it.

[17:53] That was something.

[17:54] The movie Top Hat with Fred Astaire was originally about Abraham Lincoln as a guy who worked at a cemetery.

[18:01] And they said it's hard to put the song and dance numbers into this because people know historically that Abraham Lincoln was not an amazing tap dancer like you are, Fred Astaire.

[18:10] So we're going to change this into like a mistaken identity romantic comedy.

[18:14] And he's like, whatever.

[18:15] I just want to dance.

[18:17] Tap it, tap it, tap, tap, tap.

[18:18] And they were like, Fred, can you please stop saying tap it, tap it, tap, tap, tap at the end of all of your sentences?

[18:24] It's very weird.

[18:25] And he goes, it's a nervous tick that I have.

[18:27] Tap it, tap, tap, tap, tap.

[18:28] And they were like, instead of saying it, why don't you act it out with your feet?

[18:32] And that's how he became that amazing tap dancer we all know today.

[18:34] Fred Astaire, everybody.

[18:35] Let's hear it.

[18:36] Yeah, there's one of the things I like about.

[18:37] You must remember this with Karina Longworth.

Stuart Wellington

[18:40] One of the things I like about doing this show is that I learn stuff about old Hollywood.

[18:44] Because like, you know, like it's crazier than it's crazier than fiction, you know?

[18:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:49] Oh, you couldn't make this stuff up.

[18:51] It would be impossible.

[18:52] Speaking of, you can't make it up.

[18:53] At least a waste of time.

[18:56] At the very least.

[18:57] Well, it did that.

[18:59] We're closer to death than we were before I started that bit.

[19:02] Yeah.

[19:03] Speaking of, so this song is still going on.

[19:06] Barnum becomes a kind of an Aladdin type street rat thief.

[19:10] But kindness is shown to him by like a disfigured woman.

[19:13] And I guess this is supposed to inspire us to, oh, this is why he wanted to be around people who looked different, I guess.

[19:20] He keeps writing letters to his rich pen pal, this woman named Charity.

[19:24] They grow up.

[19:25] Hugh Jackman shows up and asks for Charity's hand.

[19:27] And they run off together.

[19:29] That's when I thought, oh, the song is over.

[19:30] No, the song was still going.

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] It's important that you specified that it is Hugh Jackman.

[19:35] Because that was when he morphed into actor Hugh Jackman and not little kid guy.

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] Little kid, he stops being little kid and becomes Hugh Jackman.

[19:44] So the little kid plays P.T. Barnum from the ages of like, what, 14 to 16.

[19:50] And then Hugh Jackman plays Barnum from the age of like 20 to death.

Dan McCoy

[19:54] Yeah, he morphed from a mini-Ackman to a Hugh Jackman.

Elliott Kalan

[20:00] Well said.

[20:01] Well done.

[20:02] And they're dancing.

[20:04] And now they're married and they're living in a tenement.

[20:07] The song keeps going.

[20:09] And it ends with her pregnant.

[20:10] Because I guess them having sex was symbolized by them dancing on rooftops among sheets that were hung up to dry.

[20:18] Because that's how you signify that it's a tenement, is that clothing and things are hung out to dry in laundry lines.

[20:23] And it's like, the whole movie by this point felt to me like when you see a commercial on TV for a Broadway show.

[20:28] And you're like, man, if I saw that in the theater, it would probably be amazing.

[20:32] But to watch it on screen, it looks really dumb and corny.

[20:36] And did you guys feel kind of the same way?

Dan McCoy

[20:37] Well, it's deliberately fake.

[20:39] Like, the production design is intentionally this sort of fantasy realm in real life.

[20:46] Yeah.

[20:46] It's very Moulin Rouge-y.

[20:48] Yeah.

[20:48] And I will say this.

[20:52] So I think that the songs are pretty much garbage.

[20:55] And I found out.

[20:56] Sure.

[20:57] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:57] Wait, just because every single song sounds exactly the same as the one before it?

Dan McCoy

[21:02] Yeah.

[21:03] Well, I found out that it was written by the same people who wrote the La La Land music.

[21:06] And let me say, I was not surprised based on how memorable I found the music from La La Land.

Elliott Kalan

[21:14] I will say that in my notes for the movie on the music, it does say, really reminds me how good Lin-Manuel Miranda is at his job.

Dan McCoy

[21:24] Yeah.

[21:24] So there was that.

[21:25] I mean, I didn't like the songs.

[21:26] But there are three production numbers in the movie I kind of like.

[21:31] And I think I'll point them out as we get to them.

[21:33] Okay.

[21:33] And I liked how the sheets on the roof were kind of dancing along with the two of them.

[21:42] Like when he lifts her up, the sheets lift up also.

[21:45] Yeah.

[21:45] And I thought that was a really nice staging.

[21:47] And that was one of the three production numbers that I enjoyed the look of, if not the sound of.

Elliott Kalan

[21:53] What other production numbers did Dan like?

[21:55] Oh, stay tuned to find out, flop fans.

[21:58] Live in suspense.

[22:00] So the, and I will say this.

[22:02] This movie has a ton of energy and a ton of, it like you really feel like they're trying to wow you at all moments, which I appreciated.

[22:10] They, yeah, just like Barnum himself, you know.

[22:13] Exactly.

[22:14] But the movie also tries to make you feel and it, and it did not succeed at that for me.

[22:20] So let's talk about what happens next because Phineas, our Barnum, he's working as an accountant, but his boss is bankrupt.

Stuart Wellington

[22:27] And that's one of the things, I only have room in my life for one Phineas, and that's Phineas Fogg.

[22:33] So call him Finn or PT from now on, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[22:36] Sorry, and not Phineas and Ferb?

[22:39] That's not your favorite cartoon show?

Stuart Wellington

[22:41] No, I call it Finn and Ferb.

Elliott Kalan

[22:44] Okay, so I'll call him Barnum or PT from now on.

[22:47] Thank you.

[22:48] His full name was PTSD Barnum, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Barnum.

[22:52] And they say, why don't you start into PT?

[22:55] That's a lot of initials to remember.

[22:59] So anyway, he has, we see he has a fun family.

[23:02] He has two daughters and they're very quirky.

[23:04] He constructs a sort of wish machine revolving lights coming out of a box thing for his daughter's birthday.

[23:11] That's like putting a candle inside a colander, basically.

[23:15] Okay, take away the magic.

[23:17] Sure, if you strip away the fantasy, that's exactly what it is.

[23:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:21] Wait, wait, that's how easy it is to make a wish machine?

[23:24] I'll show you afterwards.

[23:24] Then I can get anything I want.

Dan McCoy

[23:25] I'll show you afterwards, Stuart.

[23:27] It'll be our craft corner.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] I can get the code to break into New York's bank vault and I can take all the money.

[23:37] Why wouldn't you just wish for the money?

[23:39] I don't understand.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] Because he enjoys the thrill of the steel.

[23:43] When he's done, after he takes the money, he's just going to throw it out of a balloon like I assume they do in Now You See Me.

[23:48] Because he just likes the thrill of the hunt.

[23:51] He just likes the steel, you know?

[23:52] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[23:53] Yeah, yeah.

[23:53] I just like to feel alive for one fleeting moment.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] So let's go on.

[23:58] That's why he shoplifts those batteries.

[24:00] He doesn't need all those batteries.

[24:02] Yeah.

[24:04] Yeah.

[24:04] So we see that Barnum, he has this real flair for showmanship because he turns what's merely a candle in a colander into a wonderful wish machine for his kids.

[24:14] Then he's in a waiting room to get a loan for a business.

[24:18] And in the waiting room, he encounters a dwarf and the dwarf's mother.

[24:23] And this, I guess, inspires him to open his Curiosities Museum.

[24:29] At this point, here's what I'm going to say.

[24:32] Don't go into this movie expecting an accurate portrayal of P.T. Barnum's life.

[24:37] That was something that I think was...

[24:38] What are you talking about?

[24:40] Yeah.

[24:40] That's a charge that was leveled at this movie when it came out.

[24:43] And it's like, if you're expecting that going in, you've already lost the battle with the movie.

[24:49] Because they do skip over the beginning of Barnum's career when he basically just took an old black lady and took her on tour and told people she was 150 years old and knew George Washington and didn't give her any money.

[25:01] And just kind of his first...

[25:02] The first act he really got famous with was literally just, hey, do you want to see the oldest black woman you've ever seen?

[25:09] Because she's going to sit here and she's going to tell you stories about George Washington as a baby that are not true.

[25:13] But they skip that whole thing.

Stuart Wellington

[25:16] Yeah.

[25:16] I mean...

[25:17] Wait, that wasn't in the movie.

[25:20] No.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] They skip that part.

[25:25] And you were going to say something?

Dan McCoy

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:27] Well, this is skipping ahead to a more, like, review-y Final Judgments place.

[25:31] But, like, that's the main sticking point of the movie.

[25:35] Like, there's a lot to like in this movie, I feel like.

[25:38] It's handsomely put together.

[25:40] But...

[25:41] Yeah, Hugh Jackman.

[25:43] He's gorgeous.

[25:44] He's amazing.

[25:45] But the thesis...

[25:46] And Zac Efron, those eyes, come on.

Stuart Wellington

[25:48] Oh, my God.

[25:49] There's a moment where he gets burned up and I'm like, please, don't let him lose those muscles.

Dan McCoy

[25:55] Yeah, they melt it in the fire.

[25:57] No, but like...

[25:58] Oh, no.

[26:00] The problem with this movie...

[26:00] And now all the kids are...

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] All the street urchins on the street corners are selling Zac Efron muscle wax candles.

[26:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] No, the problem with this movie is that its central thesis is bonkers.

[26:13] Yes.

[26:13] Which is that...

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] And you don't mean the delicious candy bonkers.

[26:17] No.

Stuart Wellington

[26:17] No.

[26:18] That would be a strange thesis to build a movie around.

[26:21] But you know what?

[26:22] Anything that isn't a superhero.

[26:24] No, but this thesis that...

Elliott Kalan

[26:26] Thanks, James Cameron.

[26:27] Anyway, Dan, you're saying?

Dan McCoy

[26:28] This thesis that like P.T.

[26:30] Barnum collected all these people around him.

[26:32] What at the time in a less enlightened age would be called freaks.

[26:36] But you know, like these different people.

[26:38] And he...

[26:40] Like the idea that he did that because it was a place of acceptance.

[26:44] And like they could all...

Elliott Kalan

[26:46] Become this happy family.

[26:47] Something they say later on...

[26:47] Something they say later on that we'll get to is them...

[26:50] Is there...

[26:51] It's...

[26:51] P.T.

[26:52] Barnum is told, it's pretty amazing what you did.

[26:54] Putting them on display as equals to every...

[26:57] Yeah.

[26:57] To normal people.

[26:58] And it's like, hold on.

[26:59] What?

[27:00] Usually when someone who looks different is put on display, it is not as an equal.

[27:04] Like it's...

[27:05] Yeah, we'll get to that.

[27:06] But the concept...

[27:07] The idea that the people that Barnum put on in his show, that this was...

[27:11] That this was both...

[27:13] That this was somehow elevating them.

[27:16] You know, rather than putting them on display for the horrified amusement of...

[27:21] Of normies.

[27:22] Of rubes.

[27:23] Like is...

[27:24] Is a crazy thing.

[27:25] And it's like...

[27:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:27] Well, but we'll...

[27:28] The...

[27:29] So we'll get to that point in a moment because...

[27:32] His Curiosity's Museum, which is mainly a wax...

[27:34] Figures house.

[27:35] It's...

[27:36] The business is slow and his daughters tell him that he needs to put mythical creatures

[27:39] on display.

[27:40] So he shows up and he hires that dwarf.

[27:43] Yep.

[27:43] And he tells the dwarf...

Stuart Wellington

[27:44] He gets Perseus and he gives him a magical shield and he's like, chop me off a Gorgonhead,

[27:49] please.

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] He's like, Perseus, Medusa, I know you've had your issues, but if you work together this

[27:55] one last time, you'll be set for retirement.

[27:57] And that's where you get the show Feud, Perseus, and Medusa on FX.

Dan McCoy

[28:02] Oh, wow.

[28:04] I have nothing to add to that, but that was a good reference.

Elliott Kalan

[28:08] Oh, thank you.

[28:09] So Barnum goes to this dwarf and he says, hey, what?

[28:13] Hey, I don't see you as something to be laughed at.

[28:16] I see you as an inspiring, respectable figure, a military figure, a colonel.

[28:21] People are going to salute you.

[28:23] And the guy's like, oh, all right.

[28:25] And basically through that kind of BS, we then see him signing up like a bearded lady who

[28:30] has a beautiful singing voice, a dog-faced boy, a fat man, a tall man, et cetera.

[28:34] It's like a getting the gang together montage, right?

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:37] Exactly.

[28:38] And none of these characters ever are given any personality.

[28:42] They are to the audience of this movie exactly what they were to the audience in Barnum's time,

[28:48] which is weirdos for us to look at to make Barnum seem like a great, cool guy.

[28:54] And they have the bearded lady is that she has a whole song later on about I've got to

[28:59] be me.

[29:00] No one's going to make me feel bad.

[29:01] This was the song that was nominated for an Oscar in which my wife would get really mad

[29:05] because when she was listening to NPR here in California, they would be like, this segment

[29:09] is sponsored by the Academy Award nomination for this song.

[29:13] And they'd play a snippet of the song and she'd be like, I can't stand hearing the same

[29:16] snippet of the song all the time.

[29:19] But like it was making her so mad.

[29:21] And she has this whole song about like, you can't make me feel bad.

[29:23] I got to make me.

[29:24] And I wanted to be like, who are you?

[29:26] All I know is that you are a woman with a beard who gets mad when people get mad at everybody

[29:31] else, like who occasionally lifts her fist up as if to say, oh, you can't stomp on me.

[29:36] But like none of these characters ever get personalities of any kind.

[29:40] They are not.

[29:41] I mean, the movie, but the message of the movie is Barnum took these people and made them

[29:46] respected as human beings.

[29:48] But the movie doesn't even treat them as human beings.

[29:50] Like they're just props.

[29:52] Like it's real.

[29:52] That's like, I would so much rather see a movie about them than a movie about Barnum.

[29:56] It's like, and that doesn't even get to the point which I started worrying about, which

[30:00] is like no one in the movie, I assume, except for the man playing Colonel Tom Thumb.

[30:05] No one in the movie seems to have the same body as the character they're playing.

[30:10] They're all in makeup as the bearded lady or tattooed man or whatever.

[30:13] So like then the ethics of what are the ethics of somebody putting on basically what you would

[30:18] call like oddity face, you know, to play these characters like they it's basically Gary Oldman

[30:25] and tiptoes.

[30:25] But for everyone except the character who would be a tiptoes.

[30:29] And it's like, I don't know, the whole thing, it started being like movie by the same way

[30:34] that Bright is supposed to be like an anti-racist movie, but it is a very racist movie.

[30:39] This, this seemed to be kind of like, I'll wrap it up, Dan.

[30:41] Don't worry.

[30:42] This, uh, this seems to be like one of those movies where it's like, we got to treat these

[30:47] people as people.

[30:48] But the movie doesn't treat them as people.

[30:50] Anyway, I'm sorry.

[30:50] I don't want to get off on a rant here, but that's just my opinion.

[30:54] Maybe I'm wrong.

[30:55] Back to Dennis Miller live.

[30:56] Dan.

[30:56] Yeah.

[30:57] The, uh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] And the, the worst is, uh, the worst are those trapeze artists.

[31:03] What a couple of, what a couple of real freaks.

[31:05] Well, that's the other thing.

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] And there's trapeze artists.

[31:07] And the only thing about them is that they're black.

[31:09] And it's so it's like, so the movie is like, Hey, you know, it's like a bearded lady or

[31:13] a man with, uh, what's it called?

[31:16] Uh, hypertrichinosis, whatever it's called.

[31:17] When you have hair going out of every part of your body.

[31:20] And you know, it's like that being black and there's no other black characters in the

[31:24] movie.

[31:24] Right.

[31:26] Uh, I think you're right.

[31:29] So the subtext is like, Hey, Zendaya, by being a trapeze artist, who is also a person

[31:35] of color, you're like a bearded lady.

Dan McCoy

[31:37] Barnum.

[31:38] Well, I mean, they're both valuable people.

[31:41] Elliot.

[31:41] Like, I don't, I don't think that that's like, no, I'm not, but I'm, I'm not saying

Elliott Kalan

[31:45] that either one or not, that either one are not valuable people.

[31:47] But I'm saying that it is a weird thing to be like, look at all these, these people are

[31:51] looked down on by society because they don't fit our state, our standards of normality.

[31:55] Also black people.

[31:56] Like it's, it's a very, it's a, it's a strange parallel to make.

[32:01] But anyway, Zendaya gets her own whole subplot later on.

[32:05] So we'll get to that.

[32:07] Because the museum gets really successful.

[32:09] Barnum sings a musical number about how they shouldn't hide.

[32:11] They should be, they should be proud and display themselves because nothing says pride in yourself,

[32:15] like going on display.

[32:17] So someone can pay a nickel to gawk at you.

[32:20] And like.

[32:21] A whole nickel.

[32:22] Where do I sign up?

Stuart Wellington

[32:26] Dan, I got some bad news.

[32:28] What?

[32:29] I don't think you're ready for the nickel stage here.

[32:31] Oh no.

Elliott Kalan

[32:32] No, no.

[32:32] Maybe a penny, but you're going to have to do some.

[32:34] Can you bite a head off a chicken?

[32:36] I mean, I can.

[32:38] No.

[32:39] Okay.

[32:40] Dan, there's a, there's a movie I'd like you to see.

[32:44] It's called Nightmare Alley.

[32:45] And I think it's a professional that you can really get behind.

[32:49] Okay.

[32:50] So.

[32:51] So then.

Stuart Wellington

[32:52] Wait.

[32:53] Yes.

[32:53] So I'm, I'm confused.

[32:54] Are they putting on like big musical shows at the circus?

[32:58] Or is that just because it's a musical?

Elliott Kalan

[33:01] I mean, that's, I mean, the way it's put together, it's implied that they're doing musical performances for audiences.

[33:07] That's not the way Barnum works.

[33:08] The way Barnum works was like, hey, look at this guy.

[33:11] Hey, look at this lady.

[33:13] But, but they're kind, but I guess, I don't know.

[33:17] He really was the greatest showman.

[33:21] Barnum, the greatest showman.

[33:23] Hey, look at that thing.

[33:24] Hey, look over here.

[33:26] They're like, Barnum, I've had enough of your fast talking humbuggery.

[33:30] You could, you could, you could talk the shell off a turtle.

[33:34] Yeah.

[33:34] Look at that.

[33:35] Hey, look at this thing.

[33:36] Oh, Barnum danced his words around me.

[33:39] Hey, you can't land a blow on him because he's too, he's so eloquent and witty.

[33:43] Hey, look at that.

[33:44] Hey, what's over there?

Stuart Wellington

[33:47] Now, Elliot, you had mentioned that, you had mentioned that, uh, that the character Colonel Tom Thumb or General Tom Thumb stands out for you.

[33:55] Now, is it because in the first scene he was introduced, he calls somebody like a flop doodle or a flop jingle?

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] I did like that.

[34:01] He uses this ridiculous, I don't even know if it's a real insult from the time.

[34:06] He's like, what you looking at, flop doodle?

[34:07] And I was like, I was like, I want to see more of this character.

[34:11] And I do get to see him, but I don't get to hear him or know him because he has almost no dialogue in the film.

[34:18] But anyway, the, so Barnum's getting successful, but he gets bad press from a character that I didn't even realize until I looked it up on Wikipedia afterwards was supposed to be James Gordon Bennett.

[34:28] Uh, one of the most storied newspaper publishers in New York history who everyone hated in real life.

[34:34] Anyway, but they're getting bad press.

[34:36] People are not accepting his performers.

[34:38] There are protests outside, outside the museum.

[34:41] And, uh, we get another song.

[34:44] It's, they're all these kind of like high energy pump up.

[34:47] Would you call them like stadium ballads or something like that?

[34:50] Or stadium?

[34:51] They're like, they're all anthems.

[34:53] Every song is an anthem in this movie.

[34:56] There's one song that's not as much of an anthem later that I kind of like, but the rest are all, it's all like every, every song is supposed to be the big showstopping number.

[35:05] But you can't make a show out of showstoppers because you know what happens to the show?

[35:08] It just stops.

[35:10] Exactly.

[35:10] And you know who would know not to do that?

[35:12] The greatest showman.

[35:14] And you know who the greatest showman was?

[35:16] Wait, you know who the greatest showman was?

Stuart Wellington

[35:19] Who?

[35:19] I think I should know this.

Elliott Kalan

[35:21] God.

[35:21] I'll give you two guesses.

[35:23] I'll give you two guesses.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] Okay.

[35:25] Dan just gave a guess.

[35:27] Yeah.

[35:27] God.

[35:27] What was your guess?

Elliott Kalan

[35:28] No.

[35:29] Good, good guess.

[35:30] The answer.

[35:31] Okay.

[35:31] You know what?

[35:31] You have one guess.

[35:33] The answer is Stephen Jay Cannell.

[35:35] Stephen Jay Cannell, producer of the A-Team, Riptide, all that stuff.

[35:39] What a showman.

[35:40] Rocker Files.

[35:41] Yeah.

[35:41] And he knew how to rip a piece of paper out of a typewriter so that it would fall into the shape of a letter.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] Yeah, that does make him the greatest showman, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] You know, somewhere Nick Pizzolatto, the creator of True Detective, is hearing this and is super mad.

[36:00] Because he thought he was the best.

[36:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:04] So we are talking about a movie.

[36:08] So Barnum is making money, but he's not accepted into the high society circles.

[36:13] And his girls get made fun of by the other ballerinas in their ballet class.

[36:17] Because their dad works in this, you know, vulgar world of the circus.

[36:22] So, what's Barnum got to do?

[36:24] He's got to get himself kind of like a pretty face that everyone respects.

[36:27] And there's no prettier face in America than Zac Efron.

[36:31] That's right.

[36:32] Zac Efron is like a playwright.

[36:34] He's like a young playwright or play producer.

[36:36] And Barnum asks him to join the circus museum as a business partner.

[36:41] And it's this weird thing where it's like, so Zac Efron is already a successful, legit theater guy.

[36:47] And Hugh Jackman's like, hey, but you know what you're not having?

[36:50] Fun.

[36:51] So why don't you join me as my apprentice and you'll get 10% of the proceeds.

[36:54] Instead of being a wealthy man, you'll do okay.

[36:57] But you'll have fun.

[36:58] And this is the one number in the movie that I enjoyed.

[37:01] Where it's like the two of them singing and dancing in a bar.

[37:04] And it's like, you know the song number that they do in Hail Caesar where Channing Tatum is dancing around?

[37:09] Mm-hmm.

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:10] This was like a not, like a not parody version of that.

[37:14] Where it's two guys dancing around in a bar, like just being like, I got what I want, but you don't got fun.

[37:20] A da da da da da.

[37:21] Like this was the most fun song in the movie to me.

Dan McCoy

[37:23] Yeah.

[37:24] And it's kind of like a bit of like a dance battle back and forth between them.

[37:28] I think that's being a little charitable.

[37:31] Yeah.

[37:31] Well.

Stuart Wellington

[37:33] It trades off, I guess.

[37:35] I do like the bartender who's following behind them, cleaning up for them the whole time.

[37:39] Yeah.

[37:39] You're like, what's his story?

Elliott Kalan

[37:40] There's a part where this bartender just literally rushes through and sweeps something off the floor and rushes out again at one point.

[37:47] And I was like, that guy is amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[37:50] And this is the first major decision that seems to happen in a bar.

[37:56] There's one that happens later as well.

[38:00] Which is just, it's nice to see that major changes in Barnum's life happen when he, I think later on, made a living traveling around as a temperance speaker.

Elliott Kalan

[38:11] So you're saying that this movie really puts the bar in Barnum.

[38:15] Yeah.

[38:16] I guess I am saying that, yeah.

[38:17] I guess I am saying that, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:18] That was the weird poster that they put out for this movie.

[38:22] Like, everyone was like, why are they, who are they trying to appeal to with that line?

[38:26] I guess just bartenders?

[38:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:28] It's an untapped, they're like, there's four quadrants of audience.

[38:31] There's young girls, old people, middle-aged people, and bartenders.

[38:36] And we are not getting enough penetration on the bartender quadrant.

Stuart Wellington

[38:39] Yeah.

[38:40] I mean, what's the image on the poster?

[38:42] Because if it just says that, I think some people would be like, when they say bars, I'm assuming they mean candy bars.

[38:48] So I'm going to go get one of those candy bars.

Elliott Kalan

[38:50] I mean, it still gets good cross-promotion.

[38:52] Now, it makes more sense than the ad campaign for people suffering from hypothermia, where it said, he puts the numb in Barnum.

[39:00] And they were like, ooh, I'm shivering.

[39:02] Oh, that's not even how you spell the word numb.

[39:04] Ooh, I can't feel my hands and feet.

[39:06] Oh, I guess I'll go see that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[39:08] What's he, a Dracula there?

[39:09] What's he doing over there?

Elliott Kalan

[39:12] Whoa, whoa.

[39:13] He was shivering in the cold.

Stuart Wellington

[39:14] Are you suggesting Dracula's just cold all the time?

[39:17] I mean, it makes sense, or he just doesn't know what to say.

Elliott Kalan

[39:19] I mean, he does wear a cape indoors.

[39:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:25] Yeah, but this was the second.

[39:27] That's what I, when I shared an office with Hallie, that's what I should have gotten her as a gift, is a warmth cape that she could wear in the office.

[39:33] She was always cold.

[39:33] Because she's a Dracula?

[39:35] Yeah.

[39:35] Not yet, but if she works a little harder.

[39:37] I believe a warmth cape is called a shawl.

[39:40] I believe there's a word for that.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] I don't think so.

[39:43] I'll call it a warmth cape.

Dan McCoy

[39:46] Anyway, this was the second number that I liked in the movie, for those who were keeping track, who were in suspense.

[39:52] Yeah, this is a fun number.

Dan McCoy

[39:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:53] So anyway, and we still gotta find out number number three.

[39:56] That number?

[39:57] Three.

[39:57] But we'll find out when we get there.

[39:59] Yeah.

[39:59] Don't give away the secret surprise that the third number was three.

[40:03] So Zac Efron falls in love with Zendaya's acrobat.

[40:07] We know this because they briefly lock eyes in slow-mo, and then she's sassy to him afterwards.

[40:12] Like, because everything in this movie is told in shorthand.

[40:15] We don't, and, but don't worry, they get their duet number later.

[40:18] People are still protesting Barnum's Museum, but they get an invitation to go meet Queen Victoria, and they charm her with their humorous ways.

[40:27] That's, in England, is where Barnum meets opera singer Jenny Lind, the biggest opera star in Europe, and he decides to hire her to class some things up.

[40:35] And she does that by just singing a whole song on stage to an audience, which we see the entirety of.

[40:41] It is not, there's no, there's no dancing or dramatization.

[40:44] It's just her on stage singing.

Stuart Wellington

[40:45] Apparently this singer was like Hans Christian Andersen's muse.

[40:50] Guys, I looked at Wikipedia before we did this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[40:54] I mean, that's great, yeah.

[40:55] I mean, Jenny Lind was a real person, sure.

Dan McCoy

[40:57] One of the great songbirds.

[41:00] This character is played by Rebecca Ferguson.

[41:02] Yeah, yeah.

[41:03] Of Rogue Nation.

Stuart Wellington

[41:04] Dan, why are you salivating?

Dan McCoy

[41:06] I don't, I just, she's great.

[41:07] She's creeping me out, buddy.

[41:09] I was wondering, do you think that everyone sang their own parts?

[41:12] I mean, like, I know that Hugh Jackman and Zach Heppner are song and dance men, but do you think Rebecca Ferguson sang her song?

Elliott Kalan

[41:18] And definitely, the woman who plays the bearded lady, she sang her song, because she's a Broadway performer.

[41:24] I'm just impressed.

[41:25] Yeah, she performed at the Academy Awards, right?

[41:27] Yeah.

[41:28] I mean, but people who don't sing perform at the Academy Awards, too.

[41:31] Like Clint Eastwood.

[41:32] Name one.

[41:34] He doesn't have, like, a weird, like, country band?

[41:37] Well, he does do, he does do, like, kind of jazz, he did release an album of jazz standards, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[41:41] And he did that, he did that spoken word album where it's him talking to a chair.

[41:46] Yep, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:47] It was called, it was called Sweet Charity.

[41:51] Sure.

[41:53] Speaking of Charity, she doesn't like the look in Barnum's eyes when he's looking at Jenny Lynn singing.

[42:00] And Zac Efron does not like the looks that people give him when he holds hands with his acrobat lover.

[42:05] Uh-oh.

[42:07] Things are not going to go well.

[42:09] Why?

[42:09] Because it's the time in the movie when complications has to start.

[42:13] So Barnum is rude to Charity's parents at a rich people's soiree after the Jenny Lynn show.

[42:18] This misses Charity off, and Barnum won't let his usual non-normal, you know, his usual performers into this rich people's soiree.

[42:27] I'm not sure why.

[42:29] Like, that part of it, I didn't really understand.

Stuart Wellington

[42:32] I think it was important for the narrative.

[42:34] But maybe it's the idea that he, I mean, it's like, because Barnum the whole time is trying to reach to be bigger and more.

[42:41] Yeah, he's obsessed with class.

Dan McCoy

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:43] That's true, yeah.

[42:44] Because he was born low class, so he's trying to mix in.

[42:46] He really wants to be seen as respectable.

Elliott Kalan

[42:49] Yeah.

[42:49] And he can't be respectable when he's got a lady with a beard standing next to him or a guy who's super tall.

[42:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:57] And he can't have a guy super tall standing next to him because it'll just reemphasize how short he is.

Elliott Kalan

[43:02] Yeah.

[43:03] Is Hugh Jackman a short guy?

Dan McCoy

[43:06] I think that people argued against his casting as Wolverine because he's not that short.

Elliott Kalan

[43:10] Oh, that's true.

[43:10] Well, everyone knew the perfect casting for Wolverine, Stuart.

[43:14] Uh, uh, uh, Elliot Kalin?

[43:18] No.

[43:18] Wizard Magazine choice Glenn Danzig.

Stuart Wellington

[43:21] Oh, I was just, but I thought that's why you've been growing your body hair out.

Elliott Kalan

[43:25] Uh, no, that's because I'm Jewish.

[43:26] You can pick up the role.

[43:27] No.

[43:28] That's because my people come from a place of cold winters.

[43:31] I guess you're more like a pop character, right?

[43:33] Yeah.

[43:33] Oh, I would love to play Puck.

[43:35] I mean, I couldn't because Puck is a bodybuilder.

[43:39] Uh-huh.

[43:39] Because Puck is not, and here's the thing.

[43:41] Okay, let's talk about Puck for a moment.

[43:43] Okay.

[43:43] Because Puck, famously short.

[43:45] He's not naturally short, though.

[43:47] He was a regular-sized guy who was turned into a short man through mystical means.

[43:52] So, like, what are the ethics of that, Alpha Flight?

[43:54] Why couldn't you hire a real super short bodybuilder?

[43:57] You had to get a fake super short bodybuilder?

[43:59] Yeah.

[43:59] And look at this Sasquatch.

[44:01] Sasquatch is not really a Sasquatch.

[44:03] He's a person who turns into a Sasquatch.

[44:05] Yep.

[44:06] Couldn't hire a real Sasquatch?

[44:08] Come on.

[44:08] No.

[44:09] Yep.

[44:10] Alpha Flight, I know it's Canada.

[44:11] You don't have access to all these things, but you've got to have real Sasquatches there.

[44:15] Tell me.

[44:15] Come on.

[44:16] Or at least hire, like, a Wendigo or some other Canada-specific monster.

[44:22] Yep.

[44:22] Now, I know Wendigo is a villain in the Marvel Universe.

[44:26] He's just a monster who runs around.

[44:27] Get one and train him.

[44:29] Make him a good guy.

[44:30] Come on.

[44:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:32] So, El...

Elliott Kalan

[44:32] Dan, do you have any hot...

[44:34] Oh, also, Box, another Alpha Flight character?

[44:37] Not a Box.

[44:38] A robot cyborg type.

[44:40] So, Dan, do you have any hot takes about Alpha Flight?

Dan McCoy

[44:41] No, but Stuart's reaction to your long tirade reminds me of the time that Roman Mars edited

[44:51] Justin McElroy into an episode of 99% Invisible.

Stuart Wellington

[44:55] Oh, yeah.

[44:55] Smart stuff?

[44:56] Yeah.

[44:57] That was a good bit.

[44:58] That was pretty funny.

[44:59] Okay, guys.

[45:00] Wow.

[45:00] So, I learned a lot about Alpha Flight.

[45:02] I learned that they need to get their act together.

[45:04] So, let's get back to the movie, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] So, all his regular reformers, they storm this party while singing the Academy Award-nominated

[45:14] anthem, Be Yourself, Stand True to Your Whatever.

[45:17] I assume that's the title.

[45:18] I think it's This Is Me?

[45:20] Yeah, This Is Me.

[45:21] It's basically...

[45:21] Every song in this movie, except for one or two, maybe, is that Christina Aguilera, You're

[45:25] Beautiful No Matter What They Say song.

[45:27] Yeah.

[45:28] But, like, higher energy.

[45:30] Like, it's like they heard that song.

[45:31] Yeah, makes it a little born this way.

[45:35] Yeah.

[45:36] It's a real Gaga-Guaguera mashup.

[45:40] That's Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga mashed together, which would be a horrific thing

[45:44] to do.

[45:45] Why would anyone do that?

Stuart Wellington

[45:46] A couple of songbirds.

[45:47] I'd love to see two songbirds melded together through mystical means.

[45:53] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:54] It's going to be a real all-of-me situation.

Stuart Wellington

[45:58] So, P.T. Barnum, at this point, decides, it's time to hit the road, Jack.

[46:03] And so he goes on the road with his new singer lady.

Elliott Kalan

[46:07] Jenny Lind.

[46:08] And Zac Efron stands up to his parents about how he loves his acrobat.

[46:12] And there's a love scene duet between Zac Efron and the acrobat, where there's a lot of,

[46:16] like, Cirque du Soleil-style, like, swinging around on a ring that hangs from the ceiling.

[46:21] What's that called?

Stuart Wellington

[46:22] Is that, uh, my wife Charlene called it something like the Spanish harness or something.

[46:28] It's like some kind of, or the Spanish web.

[46:30] It's, because she, uh, she's done some light circus training.

[46:35] Oh, wow.

[46:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] I didn't know that.

[46:38] Yeah, yeah.

[46:39] So she should be on this podcast from the circus.

Stuart Wellington

[46:42] That's why, that's why when I first introduced her to my parents, they looked down on her.

[46:46] And I'm like, no, I love my trapeze harness.

[46:49] Why?

Elliott Kalan

[46:51] They said, we never expected you to go with one of the sawdust and tinsel crowd.

[46:57] Yeah.

[46:58] Which is not befitting a Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[47:00] Yeah, when Zac Efron shows, uh, Zendaya off to his parents, like, it, his dad's fucking monocle basically pops out of his head.

[47:09] It's the most like.

Elliott Kalan

[47:12] Oh, it's rough.

[47:13] Yeah.

[47:14] Okay.

[47:14] Now, Stuart, are you descended from the actual Wellington who defeated Napoleon?

Stuart Wellington

[47:21] Uh, no, I'm actually descended from the food item.

[47:24] It's a piece of meat wrapped in a flaky puff pastry.

[47:29] Uh, I came from that.

[47:30] That's what you've been descended from.

[47:31] You know, humble origins.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] Oh, it doesn't get more humble.

[47:35] Not even descended from a human being, but from a cutoff piece of a cow.

Stuart Wellington

[47:40] The thing is, Elliot, we're all created out of carbon.

[47:42] So, you know, anything can happen.

Elliott Kalan

[47:46] That's true, I guess.

[47:47] It's science.

[47:48] It's a big world, I suppose.

[47:49] It could happen.

Stuart Wellington

[47:52] It's a big world.

[47:53] Don't limit your options.

[47:54] Don't let, don't let science, uh, Dan, make sure to insert the quotation marks there.

[47:59] Don't let science limit your imagination, you know?

[48:04] Hey, Hollywood, I got some ideas for you.

Elliott Kalan

[48:07] Uh, so, uh, Charity, Barnum's wife, wants him to stop going on tour with Jenny Lind, but he leaves anyway.

[48:16] Charity sings a song about why isn't, why isn't their life enough for him?

[48:20] Why does he always need more?

[48:21] Uh, and Jenny Lind, she gets mad that it turns out Barnum, I guess, doesn't actually return the feelings she has for him.

[48:29] Like, she has a crush on him, but for him, it's all just business.

[48:32] And she says, I'm going to leave after this show.

[48:35] And at the end of the show, as camera bulbs are flashing, she kisses him on stage.

[48:40] Uh-oh.

[48:41] That's not going to look good in the papers.

[48:43] Actually, it will look very good in the papers as a scandal, which sells papers.

Stuart Wellington

[48:47] Yeah, and it looks great because it's, it's not,

[48:49] they don't even publish the photo.

[48:50] They publish, like, a drawing of it, right?

Elliott Kalan

[48:53] Yeah, it's like a woodcut.

[48:54] So, like, I don't know what the purpose of taking the picture was.

Stuart Wellington

[48:57] Yeah, they're like, well, I mean, they had Charles Burns on call, so they're going to do that.

Elliott Kalan

[49:03] Oh, wow, I didn't realize it was Charles Burns who did it.

[49:06] Yeah, he took a break from doing the cover for Believer Magazine, I guess, to do this Barnum story.

[49:14] So, the rowdies who hate all the non, you know, cis-bodied people.

[49:21] And I guess they're all cis-bodied because they're in the bodies they were born in.

[49:24] What would you call, like, what's a, what's a respectful way to describe someone who at the time would have been called, like, an oddity?

Dan McCoy

[49:30] You know?

[49:31] Yeah, well, that's what I've been struggling with throughout the podcast.

[49:34] Is that why you've said so little?

[49:37] Yeah, I mean, I keep spacing out because I keep getting concerned with this technical thing with Skype, but it's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[49:47] Oh, I thought it was just you were, in your head, you were just going through all your favorite songs.

[49:51] Yeah.

[49:52] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[49:55] What was that?

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] I think that's This Is Me or We Are Great or...

[50:00] Right.

[50:01] All the songs have a chorus in it that's like, huh, huh, huh, huh, or like, oh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[50:11] Oh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[50:13] For the longest time.

[50:16] Whoa, for the greatest showman.

[50:21] Oh, yeah, the soundtrack's all by Billy Joel.

[50:22] Did we not mention that?

Dan McCoy

[50:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:24] Oh, man, I would love to show so much more.

[50:26] You can have anything you want at our greatest show circus tent.

[50:30] That was that restaurant song.

[50:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:33] And I don't know.

[50:36] So which song do you guys think, if it was put out...

[50:39] Thank you, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[50:40] Which song do you think if it was put out as like a radio hit would be like the big hit?

[50:47] You know how like One Night in Bangkok from Chess is such a huge smash?

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] Which on an earlier episode, I incorrectly said was an Andrew Lloyd Webber show, right?

[50:59] Or said was it Tim Reiser?

Dan McCoy

[51:01] I don't...

[51:02] I can't keep track of all your incorrect statements.

Elliott Kalan

[51:05] Oh, you know what?

[51:05] I think what it was was that I think I said it was a...

[51:08] Ah, well, anyway.

[51:08] I incorrectly said something about Chess earlier.

[51:10] I apologize.

[51:11] Correction.

[51:11] I don't know what I'm talking about.

[51:13] So...

[51:13] But yeah, like...

[51:14] So what you're asking, what would be the big radio hit from it?

Dan McCoy

[51:19] Maybe the big love thing between Zendaya and Jack Efron?

[51:25] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[51:25] It's such a boring song, though.

Dan McCoy

[51:27] But that seems like the kind of song that becomes a hit, like a crossover.

Elliott Kalan

[51:31] Oh, there was that one song in the movie about how Barnum was a rebel just for kicks, yeah?

[51:36] And he'd been doing it since 1966, yeah?

[51:39] That sounds like that could be a radio hit if it was removed from the context of the movie.

[51:44] That makes sense.

[51:46] So...

[51:46] Yeah.

[51:46] And there was that one where Jenny Lind was singing about how she doesn't dance now, she makes money move.

[51:54] Yep.

[51:55] Now, the thing about...

[51:56] That sounds like that could be a radio hit.

Stuart Wellington

[51:58] Is when Jenny Lind comes out to sing for the first time, and like...

[52:01] The movie tries to build on a little bit of anticipation because Barnum, at this point, hadn't even heard her sing.

[52:07] And she gets up there, and everybody's excited.

[52:10] I don't know about you guys, but I was really hoping she was going to do that number from...

[52:14] The Fifth Element, where that alien...

Elliott Kalan

[52:16] That one that goes through all the different pitches.

Stuart Wellington

[52:21] Oh, man, I would have fucking loved it.

[52:22] If this movie had done that, best movie, it would have been the greatest show, man.

Dan McCoy

[52:28] She slowly puts on a hat that looks like the tentacles.

[52:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[52:33] Yeah.

[52:34] Or what if she just put on a big, like...

[52:36] Just put on a big Jamiroquai hat and just did their song?

[52:40] No.

[52:40] And everyone's like...

Dan McCoy

[52:42] Virtual Insanity?

[52:43] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[52:43] Virtual Insanity.

Dan McCoy

[52:45] And she starts going around on the stage like they do in the music video?

Elliott Kalan

[52:50] Because it's the weird...

[52:51] He's like...

[52:52] She goes out on stage, and he's like, I haven't even heard her sing yet.

[52:55] Well, she's already a famous opera singer.

[52:57] She was famous enough that Queen Victoria asked her to perform for her.

[53:00] So, like, that's a pretty good recommendation.

[53:03] It's a little bit like...

[53:04] Like...

[53:05] There are certain performers that, like...

[53:08] Like, if you asked me to say...

[53:11] Like, if you said, have you ever seen, like...

[53:15] I'm trying to think of who's a big musician that...

[53:20] Like, if you were like, have you heard any Adele songs?

[53:22] No, I haven't.

[53:23] Well, she's a number one pop recording artist.

[53:26] Are you going to hire her for your concert?

[53:28] I guess so.

[53:29] But I don't know if she's any good.

[53:30] Well, she's already, like, a platinum-selling recording artist.

[53:32] So, it's not that big a risk, you know?

[53:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:36] But I think that part of it is just that he's beguiled by her.

Elliott Kalan

[53:40] Okay.

[53:41] Yeah, that's what she represents.

[53:43] Yeah.

[53:44] It is?

[53:45] Yeah, the beguiled is all about P.T. Barnum and Jenny Lin.

Dan McCoy

[53:47] Yeah, the beguiled is actually just a five-minute segment of this movie.

[53:51] Yeah.

[53:51] Oh, wow.

[53:52] That they cut out.

[53:54] I mean, there's a lot of credits.

[53:55] Unfortunately.

Elliott Kalan

[53:56] Okay, so.

[53:58] Barnum's life seems to be at its lowest ebb.

[53:59] But that ebb is about to get even lower.

[54:02] Because those rowdies, they attack the theater.

[54:05] There's a fight between them and the performers.

[54:06] Oh, yeah.

[54:07] This is why I was trying to figure out their – this is why I'm calling them the performers.

[54:09] Because it's hard for me to think of a name for them that's not dismissive or derisive.

[54:14] And one of the rowdies starts a fire and the museum burns down.

[54:18] Which is a real thing.

[54:19] And they start a fight.

Stuart Wellington

[54:20] And at that point, you're like, why did they pick a fight with them?

[54:23] Because, like, they all have these performing skills.

[54:27] Like, even Oro from Street Fighter III, who only fights with one arm, just fucks people up, dude.

[54:32] Like, they're doing all these, like, flip attacks on them.

[54:36] Yeah, that's true.

[54:37] What were they thinking?

Elliott Kalan

[54:38] And the fat man, like, bounces a guy away with his belly, which is like, okay, now he's just the blob from X-Men.

[54:44] Like, that's not cool.

[54:45] That doesn't happen in real life.

Dan McCoy

[54:47] That's not what a fat man ran and do.

Stuart Wellington

[54:50] Wait, wait.

[54:51] But wait.

[54:52] When you grow a giant belly, it doesn't become super dense and tough and less sensitive to pain?

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] No.

[54:58] It becomes none of those things.

Dan McCoy

[55:00] Yeah.

[55:01] It also doesn't have the recoil of a big pink rubber ball.

[55:05] Hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[55:06] Let my friend Baron Munchausen introduce you to his friends who have similar abilities, I guess.

[55:12] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:14] Zac Efron gets very badly hurt.

[55:16] And Barnum runs into the fire to save him.

[55:19] Barnum shows up in town just in time to catch the fire.

[55:23] And he's in the hospital and Zendaya is watching over him seemingly constantly all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[55:28] So wait, are you saying that Barnum is such a great guy and he's like immune to collapsing building?

[55:34] Yeah.

[55:35] Like, and he saves Zac Efron's life.

[55:37] He's just amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:39] He's just the best guy.

[55:41] Yeah.

[55:41] Okay.

[55:42] He's the sweetest, loveliest man.

[55:44] Did you guys check his life?

Stuart Wellington

[55:47] Did he actually save a guy from a fire?

[55:50] I didn't go deep into Barnum's life, no.

Elliott Kalan

[55:53] Did you, Elliot?

[55:53] I mean, his museum did burn down, but I don't think he ran in and saved anybody's life.

Stuart Wellington

[55:58] And I do love that he's like sitting on the steps of his burned down museum when the reporter shows up and talks to him and then hands him a newspaper that's basically like,

[56:11] Barnum's life is ruined.

[56:13] And he's like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[56:15] What happened to me?

[56:16] Well, this reporter who has hated Barnum this whole time, he's the one who's been writing all these articles about how Barnum is bad.

[56:22] Get him out of here.

[56:23] He shows up and he goes, you know, someone, some other critic might say that by elevating these people and showing them as equals, you were celebrating them and doing a good, doing a great thing for humanity.

[56:36] Like, this is the moment where this character comes in and is like, you've opened my eyes to the power of putting people on display because they are formed differently than everybody else.

[56:49] You really showed me that by exploiting these people, you're the hero and I'm the asshole.

[56:54] So kudos to you, Barnum.

[56:56] Here's a newspaper that says you're having an affair.

[56:58] Your life's ruined.

[56:59] See ya!

[57:00] See ya!

[57:02] It's a real see ya wouldn't want to be a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[57:05] Yeah, it's great.

[57:06] Like, his reaction to finding out his life is ruined.

[57:08] It's hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[57:11] And the bank takes his home.

[57:13] His wife leaves him.

[57:14] Barnum, all that he can do is put the bar in Barnum and go back to a bar that is decorated with photos of his own personal history, which is kind of weird.

[57:23] Does he own that bar?

Stuart Wellington

[57:25] No, I mean, I think it's like one of those themed, it's like a plan in Hollywood.

Elliott Kalan

[57:29] Let's see, it's a Barnum's personal life themed bar.

Stuart Wellington

[57:33] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:34] Because it's all, it's a, it's a bar with pictures of him and his family on the walls.

[57:38] Uh-huh.

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:40] And he's drinking maybe to death until those lucky people, those personality-less people who without Barnum, who had been forced to hide themselves rather than charging people money to look at them.

[57:53] They come in and they say, hey, Barnum, you gave us pride in ourselves, you gave us a family, and you gave us a home.

[58:00] And does this, do you think this leads to a rousing musical number about how they're never going to give up and they're going to be true to themselves where they dance around the bar?

Dan McCoy

[58:09] Uh, no, they probably just cut away because that seems like the end of the scene.

Elliott Kalan

[58:13] Uh, Dan, au contraire, I hate to break it to you.

[58:17] We get a rousing musical number about that.

[58:19] Hey, things are going to be good.

[58:22] It's like, Barnum has been at a low ebb for maybe, what, two minutes of screen time?

[58:27] Mm-hmm.

[58:27] And it's time for another, like, rousing, we're the best, everybody's great, Barnum, go get them, you're the hero of the world.

[58:33] And this was one of those points where it was like, it's just like, oh, all the circus performers are dancing.

[58:39] And it's like, I started feeling weird again about, like, my relationship to them as an onlooker, as a spectator, you know?

[58:46] Uh-huh.

[58:47] At what point was I, like, was I culpable in treating them as objects?

[58:52] Because the, let's just say, the dancing is great.

[58:55] All the dancers in the movie are really fantastic.

[58:57] But to have them dancing while dressed as, like, kind of human oddity performers, is a, it just opens up a can of worms that I don't want to open.

[59:05] Keep that can of worms closed.

[59:07] In fact, why are you handing me a can of worms that's open?

[59:09] I don't need worms.

Stuart Wellington

[59:10] I'm not a fisherman.

[59:11] Yeah, why do they put worms in a can anyway, right?

Elliott Kalan

[59:14] Yeah, it's not good for the worms.

Stuart Wellington

[59:17] I mean.

[59:17] It's like, hey.

[59:18] Certainly not a sealed can.

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] No, it's sealed at the factory for freshness.

[59:23] No.

[59:24] Those poor worms.

[59:25] Get me a can of Campbell's Chicken and Stars soup.

[59:27] That's what I want because I'm a kid and I'm sick.

[59:30] Mm-hmm.

[59:31] Campbell, Campbell's.

[59:32] Dan, why are you making them podcast?

[59:34] Yeah, Joseph Campbell, pluck the stars out of the sky and put them in soup form for me.

[59:39] Mm-hmm.

[59:41] So I can achieve my dreams of eating the very universe itself.

Dan McCoy

[59:46] Okay.

[59:47] And chicken.

[59:48] We're so close to the end, I feel like.

[59:51] Of everything?

Stuart Wellington

[59:53] Yeah.

[59:54] So Zac Efron's alive.

[59:57] They hang out in the ruins of the circus and then they're like, hey, let's just do another one.

[1:00:04] Yeah.

[1:00:04] Well, they're like.

[1:00:05] And Zac Efron's like, equal partners, right?

[1:00:08] And all the performers are like, yay, they're equal partners.

[1:00:14] Even though we're the ones who are putting this thing into motion again.

[1:00:18] And they realize that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:18] I'm glad you guys are making a lot of money off of us.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:21] Yeah.

[1:00:22] But they realize that buying land in Manhattan is prohibitively expensive.

[1:00:28] So instead, they're like, we could just put a tent up and that'd be where we perform.

[1:00:34] And I assume later on they're like, hey, we can move this tent around to different cities.

[1:00:39] But we don't see that part.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:41] No.

[1:00:43] The audience has to make that connection.

[1:00:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:45] The franchising part of it doesn't get into it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:47] There is a great scene where he goes to fetch his, to try and convince his wife to take him back.

[1:00:54] And he goes to her parents' house.

[1:00:56] And her dad is like waiting at the door.

[1:00:58] And he's like, I'd like to see my wife.

[1:01:01] And her dad's like, she ain't here.

[1:01:03] Like, it's the most hilarious.

[1:01:05] And then the kids are immediately like, oh, yeah, she's down at the beach.

[1:01:10] Like, it's the lamest thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:12] And he goes and apologizes to her.

[1:01:14] Now, here's the thing that I didn't fully realize is, so Zac Efron's character is supposed to be Bailey, right?

[1:01:19] From Barnum and Bailey.

[1:01:21] Oh.

[1:01:22] Why didn't they just name him Bailey?

[1:01:25] Yeah.

[1:01:26] Because that's, I kind of wish the movie ended with, they're doing this big show.

[1:01:29] And again, they have a big musical number about how they're great.

[1:01:32] Now there's CGI animals involved.

[1:01:33] It's really amazing.

[1:01:35] And Barnum retires.

[1:01:37] He says, Zac Efron, you take over.

[1:01:40] I'm going to live my life.

[1:01:41] And he goes and watches his daughter's dance recital.

[1:01:43] I wish that during that big number, it had panned over to two guys, two identical twins.

[1:01:47] And it just says Ringling Brothers on their shirts.

[1:01:49] And they go, oh, I think there's something here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:54] Yeah.

[1:01:56] I'm surprised that they didn't do a thing where he, where as he's leaving, he's like,

[1:02:02] now I'm going to go join a real circus, American politics.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:08] Those clowns in Washington.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:10] Because, uh, thanks.

[1:02:12] Once again, thanks to Wikipedia.

[1:02:14] Guys, I looked at Wikipedia today.

[1:02:16] Okay.

[1:02:17] Uh, yeah, he was like, he was a mayor of what?

[1:02:20] Bridgeport, Connecticut for a while.

[1:02:21] Oh, wow.

[1:02:22] I think so.

[1:02:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:24] And, uh, yeah.

[1:02:25] And that's the, but that's the great story of the greatest showman.

[1:02:27] It ends with another big musical number.

[1:02:29] We've seen a bunch and now we've seen another.

[1:02:31] And Dan, was that the low and you liked?

[1:02:33] Was that the third one?

[1:02:33] The one with the answers?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:34] No, we didn't even talk about the third one, which was, uh, there was a big number between

[1:02:38] Zendaya and Zac Efron on like an aerialist rope.

[1:02:42] Yeah.

[1:02:42] We talked about that.

[1:02:44] Did we?

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:44] Yeah.

[1:02:45] I called it like a Spanish web or something.

[1:02:47] Yeah.

[1:02:47] Dan, are you okay?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:49] Maybe it was because you called it something that I was totally unfamiliar with that I was

[1:02:52] like, what?

[1:02:53] What are you saying?

[1:02:54] Like, to me, that's just aerialism.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] Wow.

[1:02:57] Okay.

[1:02:58] Sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:59] It's all aerialism to me, says Billy Joel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:01] Didn't mean to piss you off.

[1:03:02] All right.

[1:03:03] Ooh.

[1:03:04] Calm down, dude.

[1:03:06] Dan, no one's arguing with you about this.

[1:03:08] Call it whatever you want.

[1:03:08] We don't care.

[1:03:09] It's fine.

[1:03:11] Look, I just get really mad about aerialism.

[1:03:14] Okay.

[1:03:14] Whoa.

[1:03:15] Whoa.

[1:03:17] We're going to have to cut all this stuff out.

[1:03:18] People are going to get really mad about Dan's feelings about aerialism.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:21] So we, uh, and we get to see some elephants.

[1:03:24] That's great.

[1:03:25] It's nice to see elephants in the circus.

[1:03:26] Right, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:28] Uh, no.

[1:03:29] Stuart, they are abused creatures.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:31] I mean, it is, it is amazing how, do we talk about the circus?

[1:03:34] We talked about this when we talked about going to see the last Ringling Brothers shows,

[1:03:38] that like, they, the elephants are what makes the circus.

[1:03:42] Like, they announced, we're not doing elephants anymore.

[1:03:46] And people stopped going to the circus.

[1:03:48] And the circus that had been around for 160 years shut down.

[1:03:52] Like, that's crazy.

[1:03:53] People love elephants.

[1:03:55] And you know what?

[1:03:55] Yeah, because they're incredible animals.

[1:03:57] I'm not immune to it.

[1:03:58] I love elephants.

[1:03:59] Just call me a sufferer of elephantiasis.

[1:04:02] I love elephants too.

[1:04:03] Call me the elephant man.

[1:04:05] Sure.

[1:04:05] I love elephants.

[1:04:06] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:07] That's how, is that how he got, is that how John Merrick got his name?

[1:04:10] Because he loved the animal, the elephant?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:11] That's, yeah, it actually wasn't related to his, his terrible, terrible disability that

[1:04:16] he had to suffer under.

[1:04:17] It was all about, because he loved elephants so much.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:19] Oh, okay.

[1:04:20] Can we all agree that that's the most ridiculous part of that movie though?

[1:04:23] When, like, his mom, I guess, gets trampled by an elephant at the beginning of it?

[1:04:27] It's kind of unclear exactly what happens.

[1:04:30] Like, The Greatest Showman?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:30] I don't remember that one.

[1:04:31] No, in The Elephant Man.

[1:04:32] In The Elephant Man.

[1:04:33] Yeah.

[1:04:34] Well, it's, I guess it's supposed to be metaphorical.

[1:04:35] Here's the thing about The Elephant Man.

[1:04:37] He didn't, he didn't really love elephants that much.

[1:04:40] But it was one of those things where, like, he had a couple elephant things.

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:44] And people were like, oh, he likes elephant stuff.

[1:04:46] I'll get him elephant stuff for his birthday.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:48] Yeah, every time people are on vacation and they see, like, a little carving of an elephant,

[1:04:52] they go buy it.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:53] Exactly.

[1:04:54] They're like, John would like this.

[1:04:56] So, final judgments.

[1:04:57] Was this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked, Stuart?

[1:05:00] What do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:02] Oh, man.

[1:05:03] You know, I'm, I'm not super, guys, you know, I'm not super experienced with musicals.

[1:05:10] I, I kinda, I'm kinda being a harsh critic on the music for this one,

[1:05:14] cause I've been spending the last week just listening to Nightfall and Middle Earth by Blind Guardian,

[1:05:19] which is their album about the Silmarillion, and it's really great.

[1:05:23] Uh, so I'd like to recommend that tonight.

[1:05:26] Uh, but, uh, no, this is, I mean, this is a, this is a big movie, original movie musical.

[1:05:32] Um, and I don't think the music is paced particularly well,

[1:05:36] and the subject matter is a little concerning,

[1:05:40] so I would say this is a bad, bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:43] Yeah, I kind of wanted to like this,

[1:05:45] because everyone's putting their whole heart into it,

[1:05:48] and I like it when they try something,

[1:05:51] like doing a, a big movie musical that's original.

[1:05:55] I mean, like, that's,

[1:05:56] it's good to have that kind of, uh,

[1:05:59] diversity in types of films out there.

[1:06:01] Um, but, uh, yeah, the core premise of the movie kept me from enjoying it enough to

[1:06:08] recommend it as anything other than a bad, bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:12] I think I would have liked it more as a stage show than I liked it as a movie.

[1:06:17] But it's still, I like, yeah, I want to give it,

[1:06:20] I want to give it more credit for its intentions

[1:06:22] than I end up wanting to give it for its execution, you know?

[1:06:26] So, I'm going to say, I'm going to go with the flow on this one, guys.

[1:06:30] I'm going to just follow the crowd on this one.

[1:06:32] I'm not going to be a Barnum and stand up for difference.

[1:06:35] I'm just going to go with you guys.

[1:06:38] Is there a dog in a car at a bar on the street?

S4

[1:06:46] Yay!

[1:06:47] I'm Alec Baringo, a small dog owner.

[1:06:49] My dog, Pistachio, howls when she's excited.

[1:06:51] And I'm Renee Culvert, a big dog owner.

[1:06:53] My dog, Tugboat, tips over when he's sleepy.

[1:06:55] And we co-host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog?

[1:06:57] that airs every Tuesday.

[1:06:58] We bring you all things dog.

[1:07:00] Yes, dog news, dog tech, dogs we met this week.

[1:07:03] We also have pretty famous guests on Butt Legs.

[1:07:05] We're not going to let them talk about their projects.

[1:07:07] No.

[1:07:07] We just want to hear about those dogs.

[1:07:09] We don't want to hear about your stuff, only your dogs.

[1:07:11] So join us every Tuesday on MaxFun.

S5

[1:07:19] Thank you so much to the over 28,000 members who joined or upgraded during the 2018 MaxFunDrive

[1:07:24] and to all of our monthly members.

[1:07:26] You showed up in full force to help us reach our goal and to show our appreciation.

[1:07:30] We're putting up this year's batch of MaxFunDrive exclusive enamel pins on sale for all $10 and

[1:07:35] up monthly members.

[1:07:37] And just like last year, we're giving all the profits to charity.

[1:07:39] For 2018, we're supporting the National Immigration Law Center.

[1:07:42] The sale will run from May 18 through May 28.

[1:07:45] So don't miss it.

[1:07:46] $10 and up monthly members will be receiving personalized code and instructions to purchase

[1:07:50] pins on May 17.

[1:07:52] So keep your inbox open and notifications on.

[1:07:55] For more details, head over to MaximumFun.org slash pins.

[1:07:58] And to learn more about the National Immigration Law Center and support them directly,

[1:08:02] you can go to nilc.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:11] Well, we should move on to first thank our sponsors.

[1:08:16] Or in this case, we have one sponsor.

[1:08:21] Archie is currently right under Stuart's chin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:24] Yeah.

[1:08:24] Stuart's face was framed by a cat, which was adorable.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:29] So that's a little peek behind the curtain to what's happening on the table here at Flophouse HQ.

[1:08:35] Dan, did we have a sponsor or do we not have a sponsor?

[1:08:39] Flophouse is sponsored in part by Blue Apron.

[1:08:43] Mmm, yummy.

[1:08:44] Blue Apron delivers farm-fresh, perfectly portioned ingredients, and step-by-step recipes so you can

[1:08:50] make incredible meals at home.

[1:08:53] Rediscover how fun cooking can be while enjoying specialty ingredients and exploring new flavors

[1:08:58] and cuisines.

[1:08:59] Get $30 off your first order by visiting blueapron.com slash flophouse.

[1:09:06] So if you want to make food, but if you don't like going through all that trouble of making food,

[1:09:12] but you're still sort of making food, then Blue Apron is for you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:15] I mean, I don't think that's exclusively the draw.

[1:09:17] I think the draw is also not having to go to the store and buy bulk ingredients that you're going to

[1:09:24] use part of and then throw most of away.

[1:09:26] Yeah, it's less wasteful.

[1:09:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:29] And also, the food tastes good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:32] Yeah.

[1:09:32] And it comes right to your door.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:34] That's always a benefit with food when it tastes good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:37] Yeah.

[1:09:37] All right, all right.

[1:09:38] Turn down the blast, buddy.

[1:09:40] Sorry, Rodney Dangerfield.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:41] Oh, wow.

[1:09:42] Somebody give me my fucking pan holders so that I don't burn myself on those hot takes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:47] Yeah.

[1:09:47] So can anyone have any ointment for the burn I just sustained?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:53] We don't have any Jumbotrons this week.

[1:09:54] Hey, look.

[1:09:55] I'll just say about Blue Apron.

[1:09:56] We've all had personal good experiences with Blue Apron.

[1:09:59] It's good stuff.

[1:10:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:01] We don't have any Jumbotrons, but we do have something to promote for ourselves.

[1:10:04] Right, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:10:05] Yeah.

[1:10:05] I was just going to say, if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's maximumfun.org

[1:10:09] slash Jumbotron.

[1:10:11] But are you talking about our live shows, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:13] I am talking about our live shows.

[1:10:15] Oh, yeah.

[1:10:16] The Flophouse is going on tour.

[1:10:18] We're going to three places.

[1:10:19] It's the biggest.

[1:10:20] It's our world tour.

[1:10:22] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:22] Out.

[1:10:23] There's still tickets available for all of these shows, except possibly the one in Brooklyn,

[1:10:27] because the Bell House has been tweeting out that there's only a few seats left.

[1:10:30] So I don't know where that's at.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:33] There's a chance that is not just a marketing ploy, that in fact it might be sold out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:38] It is stranger than fiction, so it's probably a fact.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:42] You can check on any of these shows at the FlophousePodcast.com or just FlophousePodcast.com

[1:10:49] slash events.

[1:10:52] Okay.

[1:10:52] Here's the URL.

[1:10:53] I was going to say the FlophousePodcast.com page, but then I realized that it was confusing

[1:10:58] halfway through my sentence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:59] And you said, no, no, no, just FlophousePodcast.com, which is also not the correct URL.

[1:11:05] Yeah, it is.

[1:11:05] It's not just FlophousePodcast.com.

[1:11:08] Okay.

[1:11:09] Well, you're right there.

[1:11:10] So it's FlophousePodcast.com slash events.

[1:11:13] And yeah, we're going to be May 26th.

[1:11:15] We're going to be in Washington, D.C.

[1:11:17] We're talking about Geostorm.

[1:11:19] June 7th, we're in Brooklyn talking about the Dark Tower.

[1:11:22] And June 30th, we'll be in Seattle talking about The Mummy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:26] In a way, there's a theme.

[1:11:28] I don't know if you can see it, but mummies sometimes live in dark towers and they often

[1:11:35] cause geostorms.

[1:11:37] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:38] Wait.

[1:11:39] So would you call a pyramid a dark tower?

[1:11:41] Because that's where mummies always live.

[1:11:42] I mean, at night.

[1:11:44] Okay.

[1:11:45] Fair.

[1:11:47] Can something with that wide a base be called a tower?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:50] I mean, it's not a hole.

[1:11:52] There's only two options here.

[1:11:54] Either something's a hole or a tower?

[1:11:56] Is that...

[1:11:57] Yeah, there's two.

[1:11:58] You're positing here?

[1:11:59] I mean, I haven't finished architecture school, Dan.

[1:12:03] But that was the introduction.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:05] Every building is either a hole or a tower.

[1:12:10] Which one you choose to focus on is entirely up to your personal pace.

[1:12:15] That's an architecture professor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:17] Professor?

[1:12:17] What's this architecture professor's name?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:20] Wilhelm von Gutenstein.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:23] Okay.

[1:12:24] Oh, man.

[1:12:24] And does he also have adventures with...

[1:12:25] That's German for Goodstein.

[1:12:27] Yeah.

[1:12:29] And the government comes to him and is like, the Nazis are trying to get a hold of a mystical

[1:12:36] building.

[1:12:37] We need your help.

[1:12:38] And he's like, ah, that building belongs in a museum.

[1:12:41] That's right.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:43] Yeah.

[1:12:43] He saves the day with the aid of, I don't know, a Zeppelin or something.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:47] And then they reveal that there's actually a third type of building.

[1:12:50] And that's...

[1:12:51] I'm not going to spoil it, but it's great.

[1:12:53] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:56] So those are our shows.

[1:12:57] If you're in the D.C. area, go May 26th.

[1:13:00] If you're in the New York area, go June 7th.

[1:13:01] If you're in the Seattle area, go June 30th.

[1:13:04] And I think I mentioned this last time, I'm going to push myself and I'm going to try to

[1:13:08] do presentations at those shows that are only for those shows and never again.

[1:13:12] So if you want exclusive Elliot Kalin jokes, you got to go to those shows.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:16] Dan, I just got to let you know that your cat's breath smells like fish.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:20] Okay.

[1:13:21] So good job.

[1:13:22] For that report.

[1:13:23] I mean, I guess you're confirming that I feed my cat, which is a good thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:27] Here's how I assume you feed your cat, Dan.

[1:13:29] You hand it a whole fish and it just dips it into its mouth and then pulls the bones out.

[1:13:33] Yeah.

[1:13:34] What does it do with those bones?

[1:13:35] As one complete skeleton.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:36] Does it play those bones like a little xylophone?

[1:13:39] You know it.

[1:13:40] In a band with its cat buddies?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:41] And then if I crank Archie's tail, it plays Turkey in the Straw.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:47] Now, Dan, before you knew that it could play that song, that would be a cruel thing to do,

[1:13:52] to just crank a cat's tail.

[1:13:53] You're lucky a song played.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:55] Yeah.

[1:13:55] Archie loves it.

[1:13:57] Music has charms to soothe the savage beast.

[1:14:00] So anyway.

[1:14:03] Speaking of savage beasts, what do we do next on the podcast?

[1:14:06] Next, we talk to you savage beasts out there in email land.

[1:14:10] People send us emails and we answer them.

[1:14:11] It's called the Flophouse Movie Mailbag, or it was at one point and then we stopped calling

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:15] it that.

[1:14:16] Okay.

[1:14:17] Now, guys, for this one, now you know me.

[1:14:19] I like to do a song before the mailbags.

[1:14:21] And for this one, I thought I'd do a huge show-stopping power anthem number, just like in The Greatest

[1:14:27] Showman.

[1:14:27] And I'd start it off kind of quiet.

[1:14:29] It would be something about how, like, these are the letters, the letters of your life.

[1:14:32] Don't lose the letters.

[1:14:33] And then it would grow and grow and you'd have, like, a chorus in the background.

[1:14:36] This would probably be you guys going like, whoa.

[1:14:39] Oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa.

[1:14:41] Oh, whoa.

[1:14:42] And the music would get bigger and bigger.

[1:14:43] And then, like, the lights would go on and I'd be like, letter time.

[1:14:46] And then it would be really big and there'd be, like, a thousand performers and, like,

[1:14:49] 10,000 voices all chiming in together.

[1:14:52] And they're kind of, like, weaving in and out of each other.

[1:14:54] Sometimes there's some auto-tuning and, like, vocoder, but not always.

[1:14:57] And I'm, like, the center of this whirlpool of sound and, like, letter songs.

[1:15:01] And, like, all the letters are singing and they're all played by famous performers.

[1:15:06] You know, like, John Legend is one of the letters and probably, like, Beyonce is another

[1:15:10] one of the letters.

[1:15:12] And, like, I don't know, like, the ghost of Frank Sinatra is one of the letters.

[1:15:15] Like, all the biggest singers from history.

[1:15:17] Jenny Lind herself shows up in the form of, like, and everyone's like, what?

[1:15:21] The real one?

[1:15:22] And they all applaud.

[1:15:23] That's a show-stopping point.

[1:15:25] Now, while this song is going on, we're also seeing this montage of, like, where we're going,

[1:15:30] the adventures we're having with these letters, people writing the letters and putting them in the mail.

[1:15:34] Maybe there's, like, a little kid who, like, really wants a dad and, like, sends us a letter.

[1:15:39] And maybe there's, like, a girl who's really pretty but she doesn't have the confidence to believe in herself and she sends us a letter.

[1:15:46] And maybe there's, like, somebody who just needs the strength to, like, finish their physical therapy and learn how to walk again.

[1:15:53] And they're going to send us a letter.

[1:15:54] And then, like, God writes us a letter in lightning bolts on, like, a big tablet.

[1:15:59] And he gives it to Moses to send to us.

[1:16:01] Like Zeus?

[1:16:03] Yeah.

[1:16:03] I mean, that's a god.

[1:16:04] I was talking about the main god.

[1:16:05] Oh, okay.

[1:16:06] Capital G.

[1:16:07] Yeah, exactly.

[1:16:08] Capital G down in a dash and then a capital D.

[1:16:11] And so, like, it's just all these letters are coming together.

[1:16:13] And then there's, like, us digging through the mailbags while the song is going on.

[1:16:16] Just like, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-ba-ba.

[1:16:18] Letters, letters, letters.

[1:16:19] Da-da-da-da-ba-ba-ba.

[1:16:21] Letters.

[1:16:22] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[1:16:24] Letters.

[1:16:24] And then it shows us going on in our lives and how the letters affect us.

[1:16:27] And our letters, our responses save the lives of all these people and give them the things, like, kind of.

[1:16:33] Answer the fantasies and the needs that they didn't even know how they had.

[1:16:36] And there's a lot of, like, this is your moment.

[1:16:37] The letters.

[1:16:38] Yeah, the fantasy.

[1:16:39] Never leave.

[1:16:39] This is the world.

[1:16:40] The letters.

[1:16:40] And, like, just there's a rap breakdown.

[1:16:42] And, like, all the biggest rappers in history are there.

[1:16:45] It's, like, MC Hammer's there.

[1:16:47] Kanye West is there.

[1:16:48] Tupac Shakur is there.

[1:16:49] Biggie Smalls.

[1:16:50] Oh, that's a deep well, yeah.

[1:16:52] Tupac and Biggie hug.

[1:16:53] And the feud is over.

[1:16:55] And, like, everyone's just roaring that this song has managed to do these things.

[1:16:58] Also the power of letters.

[1:17:00] And John T. Letter himself, the man who invented the letter,

[1:17:03] walks out.

[1:17:04] And he bestows garlands on each of us for bringing this to, like, its greatest conclusion.

[1:17:10] And it follows us as, like, the glory of this keeps with us through all our days until the day all of us are dying on our deathbed together.

[1:17:17] in a three-person deathbed,

[1:17:18] and we die.

[1:17:19] And when we die,

[1:17:20] we dissolve into gold dust,

[1:17:22] and that gold dust gets turned into ink

[1:17:23] to write the greatest letter ever written.

[1:17:26] And then it's like,

[1:17:27] da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[1:17:29] Yeah, da-da-da-da-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[1:17:32] And it just goes,

[1:17:33] BOW!

[1:17:34] And we just see that final letter,

[1:17:36] and the little kid gets it,

[1:17:38] and he's about to open it up

[1:17:39] and find out what that letter says.

[1:17:40] And that's the number.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:41] Oh, that's kind of like the end of,

[1:17:43] what is that,

[1:17:44] Irredeemable,

[1:17:45] the Mark Waid comic?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:46] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1:17:47] That inspires Simon Schuster,

[1:17:49] Siegel and Schuster,

[1:17:50] not Simon Schuster.

[1:17:51] So anyway,

[1:17:51] that's the number I wanted to do,

[1:17:53] and it starts like this.

[1:17:55] No, no, no.

[1:17:56] No, I'm going to do the number now.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:58] No, we lost the,

[1:17:59] no, no more time.

[1:18:00] Wait, no.

[1:18:02] We're losing our lease on the flop.

[1:18:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] I've got a 55-minute showstopping musical number to do.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:09] I don't want to have to tell the affiliates

[1:18:12] we're going along tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:13] Oh, so I guess I'll just go tell Tupac and Biggie

[1:18:15] that they're getting pushed in the next episode.

[1:18:16] They're going to love that.

[1:18:18] I'll be bumped.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:20] Let's do these letters.

[1:18:22] This first one is from Matthew,

[1:18:24] last name withheld.

[1:18:25] Matthew Lesko.

[1:18:27] I'd like to address the claims made by the alleged Elliot Kalin.

[1:18:31] At the end of virtually every episode.

[1:18:32] Wait, is he alleging that I'm not Elliot Kalin?

[1:18:35] Well, we'll see by the end of the letter.

[1:18:37] Okay.

[1:18:37] At the end of virtually every episode,

[1:18:39] Elliot claims that he is himself

[1:18:41] and will always be himself.

[1:18:42] But how can he be sure?

[1:18:44] Even by the time the podcast goes public,

[1:18:47] he may have changed significantly and permanently,

[1:18:49] thus rendering his past promises null and void.

[1:18:52] The fact that Elliot,

[1:18:53] one of my three favorite floppers,

[1:18:55] has such a cavalier attitude about his future

[1:18:57] does nothing for my chronic anxiety.

[1:18:59] He's a son for God's sake.

[1:19:01] So my question is this.

[1:19:02] What is your favorite kind of movie to discuss in the Flophouse?

[1:19:05] Bad, bad, good, bad, or kind of likable?

[1:19:07] Matthew, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:10] Well, a lot of accusations were leveled there.

[1:19:12] And I have to admit, it's true.

[1:19:14] Your skin cells and your body cells overturn

[1:19:16] after a certain amount of time

[1:19:17] and you become physically a different person than you were.

[1:19:20] So it's that old, it's the thing.

[1:19:21] You have a hammer,

[1:19:22] you replace the head of the hammer,

[1:19:23] you replace the handle of the hammer.

[1:19:24] Is it still the same hammer that you started with?

[1:19:27] I'll leave that one to the philosophers.

[1:19:29] Philosophers like Stu Wellington.

[1:19:30] Stu, what do you think?

[1:19:32] I mean,

[1:19:33] I guess it's still your hammer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:38] I mean, well, it's your hammer.

[1:19:40] Certainly, like the law.

[1:19:41] Why are you saying it like that?

Dan McCoy

[1:19:43] Yeah, it's my hammer.

[1:19:45] The ownership of the hammer

[1:19:46] just through the transference of matter.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:51] So my favorites are the good, bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:54] Okay.

[1:19:56] Yeah, I'm in agreement with that.

[1:19:59] Do you want to say anything about why?

[1:20:00] No, it's okay.

[1:20:00] You don't have to.

[1:20:02] It's kind of a...

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:03] Asked and answered by Dan himself.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:07] It's kind of the purpose of the podcast.

[1:20:09] So I'm, you know,

[1:20:11] still excited whenever we find a good, bad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:13] Dan's always on the hunt.

[1:20:15] You'd call him a hunter of sorts.

[1:20:17] And he's hunting for movies

[1:20:20] that are good, bad movies.

[1:20:22] I was trying to come up with some kind of way

[1:20:24] to fit milf hunter into a joke.

[1:20:26] And I just got too tired.

[1:20:27] I thought you were just going to...

Dan McCoy

[1:20:28] I thought you were just going to say it outright.

[1:20:31] I didn't even think you were going to try

[1:20:32] and go for like a clever way of...

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:34] I mean, I tried.

[1:20:35] And then I gave up because, yeah, you know,

[1:20:37] I'm not very good at this.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:40] Elliot, what do you have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:42] Movies I like to flop hunter.

[1:20:43] That's the joke.

[1:20:44] Milf Hunter for Dan is movies I like to flop hunter.

[1:20:47] Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.

[1:20:48] Yeah.

[1:20:50] So, yeah, I mean,

[1:20:51] good, bad movies are the most fun to watch.

[1:20:53] And certainly,

[1:20:54] there's sometimes when it's a bad, bad movie

[1:20:55] that I enjoy talking about with you guys

[1:20:57] because we can live the pain together.

[1:21:00] But, yeah, good, bad movies are super fun.

[1:21:03] And I'll never forget the day

[1:21:04] you guys made me turn my food fight choice.

[1:21:07] You convinced me to turn it from bad, bad to good, bad.

[1:21:09] And you know what?

[1:21:10] I never looked back.

[1:21:11] Yeah.

[1:21:11] So thank you, guys.

[1:21:12] Thank you for being a friend.

[1:21:14] Okay.

[1:21:16] Traveled down the road and back again.

[1:21:17] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:19] Sir is taking his cans off.

[1:21:22] He wears cans for shoes.

[1:21:25] Andy, last name withheld, writes,

[1:21:28] I'm a new listener and convert from

[1:21:29] How Did This Get Made?

[1:21:31] I'm still working my way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:32] No, call it How Did This Just Get Made?

[1:21:35] The podcast where you're like,

[1:21:36] why did they make this movie years ago?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:41] Usually technological limitations.

[1:21:44] I'm still working my way through the backlog

[1:21:46] and I'm loving this journey of bad movies

[1:21:48] and it's inspired me to see Castle Freak.

[1:21:50] I have one question for you.

[1:21:52] If you could cast Nicolas Cage

[1:21:54] as any character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe,

[1:21:56] who would you pick?

[1:21:57] My choice would be The Sentry.

[1:21:58] I can't wait to hear yours.

[1:22:00] Andy, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:03] That's a controversial choice, The Sentry.

[1:22:05] That's not a character I love, to be honest.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:08] What if he was like Cyclops' dad?

[1:22:12] Wait.

[1:22:13] It's Cyclops' dad, Corsair of the Starjammers?

[1:22:16] Yeah, Corsair.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:17] That's a good one.

[1:22:18] I mean, is that technically

[1:22:19] Marvel Cinematic Universe at this point?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:21] I guess X-Men, yeah, would not be in the MCU.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:24] I mean, it will be when Disney buys 20th Century Fox.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:28] Yeah, that's true.

[1:22:29] But not currently.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:30] So here's my choice, guys.

[1:22:32] It's the only conceivable choice

[1:22:34] as far as I'm concerned.

[1:22:36] There's a little superhero I've always wanted to write.

[1:22:38] His name is D-Man.

[1:22:40] He's a super strong wrestler

[1:22:42] who is occasionally homeless

[1:22:44] and sometimes has issues

[1:22:46] with other heroes not wanting to work with him.

[1:22:48] I would love to have Nicolas Cage play D-Man,

[1:22:51] who's a character who's like,

[1:22:52] I feel like there's a lot of depth in him

[1:22:54] and that doesn't get used.

[1:22:55] And I'd love to have a character

[1:22:56] in the Marvel Universe who is also a hero

[1:22:59] and just doesn't get along with the other ones

[1:23:02] in the same way.

[1:23:02] I feel like the Avengers, they're all like,

[1:23:04] we're the cool bros.

[1:23:05] We're all super cool.

[1:23:06] We all get along,

[1:23:07] even though we kind of give each other shit

[1:23:09] every now and then.

[1:23:10] But to have a character where they're like,

[1:23:12] all right, we'll team up with this guy.

[1:23:14] Okay.

[1:23:14] And he's super enthusiastic about it.

[1:23:16] Like, I can't, I'm so happy.

[1:23:17] I get to fight with you guys.

[1:23:19] And they're like, all right,

[1:23:20] I guess we need a little bit extra muscle.

[1:23:21] We'll take D-Man along.

[1:23:22] I would love to have that.

[1:23:24] That's Nicolas Cage's D-Man.

[1:23:26] Do it right now, Marvel.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:27] I mean, I think the two more obvious choices

[1:23:31] for me, obviously, are, I mean,

[1:23:33] I think he would make a great Wonder Man,

[1:23:36] you know, a movie star slash super strong guy.

[1:23:39] I mean, that's perfect.

[1:23:40] I mean, he's got the raw charisma for it

[1:23:42] and the body, of course.

[1:23:45] The other one, of course,

[1:23:46] the other one to play into Nicolas Cage's strengths

[1:23:49] for like crazy kooky characters.

[1:23:52] So I think he could,

[1:23:52] I think he could do a really good Moon Knight.

[1:23:55] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:56] Yeah, I could see that.

[1:23:56] Moon Knight's a good choice.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:58] I mean, he's, he's,

[1:23:59] I think he's about the right age for that character.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:03] Uh, you mean in his 50s?

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:05] I don't know about that.

[1:24:06] I mean, but he can play like late 20s, right?

[1:24:09] Uh, probably not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:12] I mean, if there's a lot of grease on that lens, maybe.

[1:24:14] Hey, guys, you know what would be

[1:24:16] a pretty cool match for Nicolas Cage?

[1:24:17] In fact, I think if they made movies with him

[1:24:20] as this character,

[1:24:20] they'd be amazing movies.

[1:24:22] Ghost Rider.

[1:24:23] Oh, wow.

[1:24:24] They both got that cool like leather jacket feel.

[1:24:25] Why don't they do like a Ghost Rider movie

[1:24:27] with Nicolas Cage?

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:28] Uh, and they, I mean,

[1:24:29] and Ghost Rider's such a relatable character

[1:24:32] that I can really see,

[1:24:33] like, cause both Nicolas Cage and Ghost Rider

[1:24:35] have a skull for a head.

[1:24:37] Yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:39] Yeah, I mean, Nicolas Cage has flesh and hair on it.

[1:24:42] Yeah.

[1:24:42] And Ghost Rider's has fire on it.

[1:24:43] The flesh and hair of nature.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:46] But, you know, flesh and hair,

[1:24:47] you know, share 99% of their DNA with fire.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:50] That's a, that's a, by the way,

[1:24:52] that's a shout out to a friend of mine

[1:24:53] pointed out this, uh,

[1:24:55] this old interview that Nicolas Cage did

[1:24:57] when talking about Ghost Rider.

[1:24:59] And somebody asked him,

[1:25:00] why, what makes Ghost Rider relatable?

[1:25:04] Why, why did you want to play this character?

[1:25:06] And his reason is

[1:25:07] because you could see that he's got a skull

[1:25:10] and thus he has bones and a skeleton

[1:25:12] like everyone else.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:16] Oh, wow.

[1:25:17] Okay, this next letter

[1:25:19] is from, uh,

[1:25:21] Mad's last name withheld.

[1:25:23] What?

[1:25:24] Who writes...

[1:25:25] Yeah, who knows?

[1:25:26] Rickleson?

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:27] Who knows?

[1:25:28] I mean, I mean, that's a,

[1:25:29] that's a pretty good guess.

[1:25:30] There's no one else with that name, so...

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:33] I mean, it could easily be Mad's magazines.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:35] Uh-huh.

[1:25:36] Yeah.

[1:25:36] This says,

[1:25:37] Dearest, most charming peaches.

[1:25:39] First, I'd like to say that,

[1:25:40] start this letter

[1:25:40] by saying that your donors-only

[1:25:42] MaxFunDrive 2017 episode

[1:25:44] was my first.

[1:25:46] And despite being called

[1:25:47] an idiot by Elliot

[1:25:48] and the explicit message of,

[1:25:50] and I quote,

[1:25:50] go fuck yourself,

[1:25:51] we don't need you,

[1:25:52] from Stuart,

[1:25:53] I'm still here,

[1:25:54] an eager podcast gremlin

[1:25:55] laughing along to your good, good goofs,

[1:25:57] which have really helped

[1:25:58] to take the edge off

[1:25:59] my sleep-filled finals week.

[1:26:01] Uh, he goes on to say,

[1:26:02] despite not having seen

[1:26:03] most of the movies you cover,

[1:26:06] you cover,

[1:26:06] I keep thinking back

[1:26:07] to possibly the most

[1:26:08] buckwild movie I've ever watched.

[1:26:10] An Easter,

[1:26:12] a word I use as loosely as possible,

[1:26:14] animated flick called

[1:26:15] The Easter Egg Adventure,

[1:26:17] a movie that proved,

[1:26:18] a movie that proved

[1:26:20] much more hard-hitting

[1:26:21] than anyone in my family expected.

[1:26:23] My favorite dream-like memory

[1:26:25] of this movie begins,

[1:26:26] brings me to my questions.

[1:26:28] Firstly,

[1:26:29] which of your favorite movies

[1:26:30] would you want to see

[1:26:30] a gritty animated reboot of?

[1:26:32] Any specific animation style

[1:26:34] or studio,

[1:26:34] actors,

[1:26:35] directors,

[1:26:35] you'd like to see

[1:26:36] bring it to life?

[1:26:37] If an answer to this escapes you,

[1:26:38] what about the other way around?

[1:26:40] Which animated movie

[1:26:41] would you want to see

[1:26:41] a dramatic live-action retelling of?

[1:26:44] And yes, Dan,

[1:26:45] feel free to cast Jackie Chan in it,

[1:26:46] even if you forget he's there.

[1:26:48] There's some peachiness

[1:26:49] and floppiness.

[1:26:50] Mads.

[1:26:52] So,

[1:26:52] either a gritty animated reboot

[1:26:54] or a gritty reboot

[1:26:55] of animation.

[1:26:57] Oh, wow.

[1:26:57] How would you like to see that realized?

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:59] Oh, man.

[1:27:01] That Rubik's Cube show

[1:27:03] would make a really awesome,

[1:27:04] like,

[1:27:05] gritty,

Dan McCoy

[1:27:05] hard-hitting teen thriller.

[1:27:07] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:08] Rubik the Amazing Cube.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:09] Yeah,

[1:27:09] but they could do it,

[1:27:10] I feel like you would want to do it,

[1:27:12] like,

[1:27:13] found footage style.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:15] I mean,

[1:27:16] that's basically,

[1:27:16] they did that movie

[1:27:17] with that space robot

[1:27:18] that was basically

[1:27:19] a found footage version of E.T.,

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:20] but with a space robot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:21] Oh, man.

[1:27:22] Like,

[1:27:22] Echo to Alpha

[1:27:24] or something like that?

[1:27:25] Yeah.

[1:27:25] Echo 10 or...

[1:27:26] Okay,

[1:27:27] then I'll think of something else.

[1:27:28] Earth to Echo?

[1:27:28] Earth to Echo.

[1:27:29] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:27:30] we watched it for the fucking show.

[1:27:32] Wait,

[1:27:32] did we watch it?

[1:27:33] Yeah.

[1:27:34] Wait,

[1:27:35] really?

[1:27:35] I think so.

[1:27:36] I don't think we did.

[1:27:37] Oh, no.

[1:27:39] Let's,

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:39] let's look up later.

[1:27:40] If we did,

[1:27:40] I have no memories of it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:43] I think there was...

[1:27:44] If I have no memories of that,

[1:27:46] what else am I forgetting, Elliot?

[1:27:50] And who put those memory blocks there?

[1:27:52] The most memorable thing in the world.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:54] Earth to Echo.

[1:27:55] If I can forget that,

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:55] what else could I forget?

[1:27:59] What does my child's face look like?

[1:28:01] Do I have a child?

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:06] Dan,

[1:28:06] what do you think?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:08] So,

[1:28:09] a boy named Charlie Brown

[1:28:10] is already a

[1:28:11] stark

[1:28:13] depiction of

[1:28:14] depression in children.

[1:28:17] So,

[1:28:18] I think that

[1:28:18] it'd be fun to see

[1:28:19] a gritty reboot of it

[1:28:20] directed by Lynn Ramsey.

[1:28:23] Okay.

[1:28:24] Yeah,

[1:28:24] she's so hot right now.

[1:28:25] Yeah,

[1:28:25] wandering around the streets,

[1:28:27] you know,

[1:28:27] just being kind of alienated.

[1:28:29] Mm-hmm.

[1:28:30] Oh, no.

[1:28:31] Yeah.

[1:28:32] And there's not much plot.

[1:28:33] I mean,

[1:28:33] it's a more Vern Collar

[1:28:34] kind of Lynn Ramsey.

[1:28:35] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[1:28:36] Real rat catcher type thing.

[1:28:37] Sure.

[1:28:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:39] Hey, guys.

[1:28:40] I'm going to flip the script

[1:28:41] on this a little bit

[1:28:42] and I'm going to say

[1:28:43] that

[1:28:44] I was trying to think of

[1:28:46] something I'd like to see

[1:28:47] even as a joke,

[1:28:48] like rebooted

[1:28:49] or whatever,

[1:28:50] redone.

[1:28:51] and I realized that

[1:28:52] there was nothing

[1:28:52] I can think of

[1:28:53] that I feel like

[1:28:54] I haven't already seen

[1:28:55] redone in some way

[1:28:57] and what I really want to see

[1:28:58] is like

[1:28:59] an original thing

[1:29:01] or like an adaptation

[1:29:03] of something

[1:29:03] that I am not aware of already yet,

[1:29:05] like not familiar with.

[1:29:06] I think I've hit like adaptation fatigue

[1:29:09] and I don't want to see

[1:29:11] filmmakers making things

[1:29:12] that they think

[1:29:13] I'm going to like

[1:29:14] based on stuff

[1:29:14] I like already.

[1:29:16] I want to see them

[1:29:17] make like new stuff

[1:29:18] and hopefully I'll like it.

[1:29:19] Like I was trying to think

[1:29:20] like I was thinking about

[1:29:21] like Dino Riders

[1:29:22] for a while

[1:29:23] which was a super stupid

[1:29:24] toy line

[1:29:25] where I was tricked

[1:29:27] by Toys R Us

[1:29:28] into buying

[1:29:29] what essentially was a

[1:29:30] 22 minute ad

[1:29:31] for Dino Riders

[1:29:32] as a videotape

[1:29:33] like that it was going to be

[1:29:34] a Dino Riders movie

[1:29:34] and I was like

[1:29:36] oh but that's kind of like

[1:29:37] Jurassic World already

[1:29:38] like they just add lasers to it

[1:29:40] like there's nothing

[1:29:41] I can think of

[1:29:42] that I like

[1:29:42] haven't seen

[1:29:44] that's going to blow my mind

[1:29:45] and I started thinking about

[1:29:46] like the first time

[1:29:47] I saw Star Wars

[1:29:48] or the Dark Crystal

[1:29:49] or any of that stuff

[1:29:50] where it was like

[1:29:50] a holy new world

[1:29:52] you know

[1:29:52] and so that's what

[1:29:53] I want to see

[1:29:54] but really

[1:29:56] for the purpose

[1:29:56] of answering this question

[1:29:57] I'll say She-Ra

[1:29:58] I guess

[1:29:58] because like

[1:30:01] Hordak and the Horde

[1:30:02] were pretty cool

[1:30:02] villain monsters

[1:30:03] like

[1:30:04] and at the end

[1:30:05] you know

[1:30:05] the post end

[1:30:06] credit sequence

[1:30:07] would have Skeletor in it

[1:30:08] and they'd tease

[1:30:09] that Skeletor

[1:30:09] would be in the next movie

[1:30:10] and then it would

[1:30:11] spin off into like

[1:30:11] the He-Man MCU

[1:30:13] or something like that

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:14] yeah we were just

[1:30:15] watching an episode

[1:30:16] of the Dungeons and Dragons

[1:30:18] cartoon

[1:30:18] and I'm kind of surprised

[1:30:19] they haven't tried

[1:30:20] to like

[1:30:21] relaunch

[1:30:22] that cartoon

[1:30:23] that's surprising

[1:30:24] to me too

[1:30:25] just because it feels

[1:30:26] like

[1:30:27] the idea of like

[1:30:28] taking a bunch of

[1:30:29] Stranger Things

[1:30:30] style kids

[1:30:31] and then giving them

[1:30:32] magic powers

[1:30:33] and then they

[1:30:34] beat up on

[1:30:35] on Venger

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:36] yeah

[1:30:37] I mean it's

[1:30:38] Stranger Things

[1:30:38] meets Game of Thrones

[1:30:39] that's your pitch

[1:30:40] yeah

[1:30:41] well

[1:30:41] it meets like

Dan McCoy

[1:30:42] Jumanji

[1:30:43] like you're getting

[1:30:43] sucked into the game

[1:30:44] you're right

[1:30:44] it's a lot like

[1:30:45] Jumanji

[1:30:46] you're right

[1:30:47] so they can't do it

[1:30:49] although

[1:30:49] that huge hit

[1:30:50] Jumanji

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:51] I mean it is a huge hit

Dan McCoy

[1:30:53] no that's what I'm saying

[1:30:53] that's why they would

[1:30:54] totally do something

[1:30:55] exactly like it

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:55] Hollywood doesn't like

[1:30:56] to repeat itself

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:57] that's why

[1:30:58] that's why

[1:30:59] they didn't put

[1:30:59] Robin Williams in it

[1:31:00] they put

[1:31:01] Dwayne the Rock Johnson

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:03] oh Stuart

[1:31:04] I have some bad news

[1:31:05] to tell you

[1:31:06] did you know

[1:31:09] originally

[1:31:09] Robin Williams

[1:31:11] was going to be

[1:31:11] in Rampage

[1:31:12] and The Rock

[1:31:13] in Jumanji

[1:31:14] and they were like

[1:31:16] because they switched roles

[1:31:19] in Jumanji

[1:31:21] in Rampage

[1:31:21] and they switched roles

[1:31:23] was going to do

[1:31:23] Jumanji

[1:31:24] was going to do

[1:31:25] Rampage

[1:31:25] and then Robin Williams

[1:31:26] disappeared

[1:31:27] and they couldn't

[1:31:27] find him

[1:31:27] so The Rock

[1:31:28] was like

[1:31:29] I'll do that one too

Dan McCoy

[1:31:30] okay

[1:31:31] well that's sad

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:33] yeah I realized

[1:31:34] how sad that bit

[1:31:34] was going to get

[1:31:35] so I like

[1:31:35] I just like

[1:31:36] aborted it

[1:31:37] and it didn't work

[1:31:37] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:31:38] so this last letter

[1:31:40] is from Tim

[1:31:41] last name withheld

[1:31:42] Curry

[1:31:42] who says

[1:31:43] he writes

[1:31:45] please don't read

[1:31:46] my email on the show

[1:31:47] sorry and thanks

[1:31:48] can't do it Tim

[1:31:50] can't do it

[1:31:51] wow

[1:31:52] Dan doesn't care

[1:31:53] whose toes he steps on

[1:31:54] that's right

[1:31:55] wow

[1:31:55] jerk

[1:31:56] what a betrayer

[1:31:58] yeah well

[1:31:59] I marched to my own drum

[1:32:01] so

[1:32:02] I can't be told

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:03] yeah he's kind of like

[1:32:05] he's an individual

[1:32:06] he's him

[1:32:07] and he's great

[1:32:08] you know

[1:32:09] and he's

[1:32:09] yeah

[1:32:09] you gotta be you

[1:32:10] a lady with a beard

[1:32:12] bringing it all around

Dan McCoy

[1:32:16] so the last thing

[1:32:17] that we do

[1:32:19] is we recommend movies

[1:32:20] that we liked

[1:32:22] that you might want to watch

[1:32:23] instead of

[1:32:23] The Greatest Showman

[1:32:25] uh huh

[1:32:25] um

[1:32:26] I guess I've been going

[1:32:28] first recently

[1:32:29] so I'll continue

[1:32:30] the train

[1:32:30] always

[1:32:30] I think always

[1:32:31] yeah

[1:32:32] we've

[1:32:33] we've slipped

[1:32:34] into a comfortable rut

[1:32:35] but uh

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:36] what it seems like

[1:32:37] to me is it's like

[1:32:38] when somebody

[1:32:39] has like

[1:32:40] hey

[1:32:40] I've got a

[1:32:41] I bought a candy bar

[1:32:42] anyone want a bite

[1:32:42] I guess I'll have one

[1:32:43] and then they just

[1:32:44] unwrap it

[1:32:45] and eat it themselves

[1:32:45] that's what it feels

[1:32:47] like to me

Dan McCoy

[1:32:48] well you can jump in

[1:32:49] I'm not gonna stop you

[1:32:50] from having some of

[1:32:51] that sweet candy

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:52] okay I'll jump in

[1:32:53] and I'll recommend first

[1:32:54] what do you guys

[1:32:54] think about that

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:55] sure

[1:32:56] okay

[1:32:56] do I have enough time

[1:32:58] to go to the bathroom

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:58] no probably not

[1:33:00] anyway

[1:33:00] or maybe

[1:33:01] I don't know

[1:33:01] how long

[1:33:02] what do you have to do

[1:33:02] in there

[1:33:03] uh

[1:33:04] we'll find out

[1:33:05] okay well

[1:33:06] so I guess my

[1:33:08] recommendation is gonna

[1:33:09] be a little longer

[1:33:09] than I intended

Dan McCoy

[1:33:10] we're spending the old

[1:33:12] potty roulette reel

[1:33:14] I guess

[1:33:15] see how long

[1:33:16] Stuart's gonna be in there

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:17] it's a toilet seat

[1:33:19] and they spin it

[1:33:20] like a roulette wheel

[1:33:21] yeah

[1:33:21] and the ball

[1:33:22] always falls into

[1:33:23] the hole in the middle

[1:33:24] so always bet

[1:33:26] it's always bet

[1:33:26] on the hole

[1:33:27] yeah

[1:33:28] when you're playing

[1:33:28] potty roulette

[1:33:29] it's also called

[1:33:30] potty roulette

[1:33:31] because it's at a

[1:33:32] kid's casino

[1:33:32] yeah

[1:33:34] it's a casino

[1:33:35] for toddlers

[1:33:36] yeah

[1:33:37] in uh

[1:33:37] in little vegas

[1:33:38] or no

[1:33:41] tots vegas

[1:33:41] it's called

[1:33:42] it's called

[1:33:42] tots vegas

[1:33:43] we gotta talk

[1:33:45] long enough

[1:33:45] that Stuart

[1:33:46] leaves the bathroom

[1:33:47] and we still

[1:33:47] haven't gotten

[1:33:47] to recommendations

[1:33:48] yet

[1:33:49] that's right

Dan McCoy

[1:33:49] I guess

[1:33:51] that uh

[1:33:51] the kids

[1:33:53] uh

[1:33:53] vegas

[1:33:54] they bet like

[1:33:55] graham crackers

[1:33:56] or something

[1:33:56] like gold

[1:33:57] goldfish crackers

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:58] yeah yeah

[1:33:59] goldfish crackers

[1:33:59] graham crackers

[1:34:00] uh

[1:34:01] those little

[1:34:01] peanut butter

[1:34:02] sandwich crackers

[1:34:03] oh yeah

[1:34:04] that the kids

[1:34:05] can't seem to get

[1:34:05] enough of

[1:34:06] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:34:06] the the snack

[1:34:08] that I sometimes

[1:34:09] got from the

[1:34:10] gas station

[1:34:11] when I was

[1:34:12] looking for snacks

[1:34:12] because it felt

[1:34:13] somehow a little

[1:34:14] healthier than

[1:34:15] other crappy snacks

[1:34:16] but instead had

[1:34:18] a huge number

[1:34:19] of calories

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:19] yeah

[1:34:20] that's it

[1:34:22] that's it

[1:34:22] that's a good way

[1:34:23] to think of it

[1:34:23] that's like

[1:34:24] you're like the person

[1:34:24] who's like

[1:34:25] hold on

[1:34:25] I gotta watch out

[1:34:26] for my health

[1:34:27] I'll get a diet soda

[1:34:28] yeah

[1:34:29] like well you could

[1:34:30] just not drink

[1:34:30] soda

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:30] are you talking

[1:34:32] about nature

[1:34:32] valley granola

[1:34:33] bars

Dan McCoy

[1:34:34] uh

[1:34:34] well no

[1:34:35] but those

[1:34:35] also fit into

[1:34:36] that

[1:34:36] it feels like

[1:34:37] it should be

[1:34:37] healthy category

[1:34:38] yeah

[1:34:39] but they have

[1:34:39] a lot of

[1:34:40] calories

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:40] yeah

[1:34:41] but you know

[1:34:42] calories

[1:34:42] that's just

[1:34:43] energy baby

[1:34:44] another science

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:48] fact

[1:34:49] from Mr. Wizard

[1:34:50] himself

[1:34:50] Stuart Wellington

[1:34:51] okay guys

[1:34:52] so I'm gonna

[1:34:53] recommend a movie

[1:34:53] this is a comedy

[1:34:55] I saw recently

[1:34:55] that I didn't

[1:34:56] love everything

[1:34:57] about it

S5

[1:34:57] but I found

[1:34:58] a lot of it

[1:34:58] genuinely funny

[1:34:59] which has not

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:59] been the case

[1:35:00] for a lot of

[1:35:00] recent comedies

[1:35:01] for me

[1:35:02] it's a movie

[1:35:02] called

[1:35:03] The Little Hours

[1:35:03] starring

[1:35:04] uh

[1:35:05] basically the same

[1:35:06] cast of

[1:35:07] comedy people

[1:35:08] you see all over

[1:35:09] the place

[1:35:09] and everywhere

[1:35:09] there's

[1:35:10] Aubrey Plaza's

[1:35:10] in it

[1:35:11] Molly Shannon's

[1:35:11] in it

[1:35:12] Fred Armisen's

[1:35:12] in it

[1:35:13] all these people

[1:35:14] uh

[1:35:14] and it's about

[1:35:15] it's a comedy

[1:35:16] set in

[1:35:17] 14th century

[1:35:18] uh

[1:35:19] Italy

[1:35:19] in a convent

[1:35:20] and it's

[1:35:21] kind of like

[1:35:22] if Heathers

[1:35:23] was set

[1:35:23] at a medieval

[1:35:24] convent

[1:35:24] in a way

[1:35:25] where it's

[1:35:26] a

[1:35:26] I think

[1:35:27] the

[1:35:28] plotline

[1:35:29] was not

[1:35:29] improvised

[1:35:30] but the

[1:35:30] script

[1:35:30] is all

[1:35:31] improvised

[1:35:31] and it

[1:35:32] is

[1:35:32] just

[1:35:32] characters

[1:35:33] in a

[1:35:34] historical

[1:35:34] setting

[1:35:35] talking like

[1:35:36] modern people

[1:35:36] talk

[1:35:37] and I

[1:35:37] thought a lot

[1:35:37] of it

[1:35:38] was really

[1:35:38] funny

[1:35:38] the plot

[1:35:39] goes in a

[1:35:40] direction

[1:35:40] where I was

[1:35:40] like

[1:35:40] alright

[1:35:41] this is

[1:35:42] kind of

[1:35:42] not

[1:35:42] what I'm

[1:35:43] looking for

[1:35:43] in this

[1:35:44] movie

[1:35:44] but

[1:35:44] I enjoyed

[1:35:45] it more

[1:35:46] than not

[1:35:46] and John C. Reilly

[1:35:47] is in it

[1:35:47] too and he's

[1:35:48] really funny

[1:35:48] everyone's real

[1:35:49] funny in it

Dan McCoy

[1:35:49] and it's based

[1:35:50] on a story

[1:35:51] from the

[1:35:51] Decameron

[1:35:52] right

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:52] supposedly

[1:35:53] I've never

[1:35:54] read the

[1:35:54] Decameron

[1:35:54] so I don't

[1:35:55] really know

[1:35:55] how close

[1:35:56] I mean

[1:35:56] the greatest

[1:35:57] showman

[1:35:57] is supposedly

[1:35:58] based on

[1:35:58] P.T.

[1:35:59] Barnum's

[1:35:59] life

[1:35:59] doesn't

[1:36:00] really

[1:36:00] apply

[1:36:01] that

[1:36:01] much

[1:36:01] but

[1:36:02] if you

[1:36:03] want to

[1:36:04] watch a

[1:36:04] funny

[1:36:04] movie

[1:36:05] I liked

[1:36:05] that movie

[1:36:05] The Little

[1:36:06] Lowers

Dan McCoy

[1:36:06] I want to go

[1:36:09] because I'm going to give a qualified

[1:36:10] recommendation

[1:36:11] unless you also have a qualified

[1:36:13] no no no it's cool

[1:36:14] you can go

[1:36:14] wait hold on

[1:36:16] what were you going to

[1:36:17] recommend

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:17] no Dan

[1:36:19] then he should just give his

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:21] so I'm going to go

[1:36:23] along I'm going to

[1:36:24] piggyback off of Elliot's

[1:36:25] style recommendation

[1:36:26] I'm going to recommend

[1:36:27] a little comedy

[1:36:28] that I liked

[1:36:29] that I saw recently

[1:36:30] that also stars

[1:36:32] Aubrey Plaza

[1:36:32] I'm going to recommend

[1:36:33] Ingrid Goes West

[1:36:35] I want to see that

[1:36:36] which is about a

[1:36:38] a woman who is

[1:36:40] obsessed with social media

[1:36:41] and

[1:36:42] is

[1:36:43] has great difficulty

[1:36:44] interacting with the world

[1:36:45] outside of that

[1:36:46] until she kind of does

[1:36:48] it's yeah

[1:36:50] it's just

[1:36:50] it's this fun

[1:36:52] sad little movie

[1:36:53] about obsession

[1:36:55] and

[1:36:55] trying to relate

[1:36:57] to other people

[1:36:57] and it features

[1:36:59] some

[1:37:00] some fun performances

[1:37:01] it's not like

[1:37:02] you know

[1:37:03] it's not like a super

[1:37:04] funny movie

[1:37:04] but it's kind of funny

[1:37:05] and

[1:37:06] it has a really great

[1:37:07] performance from

[1:37:08] O'Shea Jackson Jr.

[1:37:10] as

[1:37:11] Aubrey Plaza's

[1:37:12] character's

[1:37:13] Batman

[1:37:14] obsessed

[1:37:15] landlord

[1:37:16] turned

[1:37:17] boyfriend

[1:37:18] I guess

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:19] and Dan

[1:37:21] are you going to

[1:37:21] finish this

[1:37:22] Aubrey Plaza

[1:37:22] trifecta

Dan McCoy

[1:37:23] no I'm not

[1:37:24] and the reason

[1:37:26] why I asked Stuart

[1:37:26] what he was going to

[1:37:28] recommend

[1:37:28] because I was like

[1:37:28] I briefly thought

[1:37:29] we were going to

[1:37:29] recommend the same

[1:37:30] thing

[1:37:30] because I

[1:37:31] realized that

[1:37:32] there's something

[1:37:32] I didn't have to

[1:37:33] give a qualified

[1:37:34] recommendation to

[1:37:35] I liked

[1:37:36] enough to give

[1:37:37] a full

[1:37:38] recommendation to

[1:37:39] which was

[1:37:40] The Endless

[1:37:41] which

[1:37:42] is a little

[1:37:44] yeah I still

[1:37:45] haven't gotten to

[1:37:46] see it yet

[1:37:46] okay

[1:37:46] there's like

[1:37:47] it's like

[1:37:48] kind of an

[1:37:48] indie horror

[1:37:49] movie

[1:37:49] cosmic horror

[1:37:50] a little

[1:37:51] sci-fi

[1:37:52] a little bit

[1:37:53] of like

[1:37:53] a brother's

[1:37:55] relationship

[1:37:56] drama

[1:37:56] and a little

[1:37:57] bit of a

[1:37:57] comedy

[1:37:57] it's from

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:58] the

[1:37:58] from the

[1:37:59] filmmaker

[1:37:59] who made

[1:38:00] Spring

[1:38:00] and Resolution

[1:38:02] which are both

[1:38:02] movies I

[1:38:03] recommended on

[1:38:04] the show

Dan McCoy

[1:38:04] so it's a

[1:38:06] it's a good

[1:38:07] movie

[1:38:07] if you

[1:38:08] you know

[1:38:08] like

[1:38:09] I gave

[1:38:10] The Quiet Place

[1:38:10] a little shit

[1:38:11] on our Facebook

[1:38:11] group

[1:38:12] because I

[1:38:12] I liked it

[1:38:13] I think it's a

[1:38:14] very well-made

[1:38:14] movie

[1:38:15] but I was like

[1:38:16] oh this is

[1:38:16] kind of like a

[1:38:17] basic horror movie

[1:38:17] that I've seen

[1:38:18] before

[1:38:18] and I feel like

[1:38:20] if you're looking

[1:38:20] for like a

[1:38:21] little bit of a

[1:38:22] different kind

[1:38:22] of horror movie

[1:38:23] it's for you

[1:38:25] even though it's

[1:38:26] not just

[1:38:27] trying to be

[1:38:28] scary

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:28] I mean

[1:38:29] hasn't

[1:38:30] hasn't A Quiet Place

[1:38:31] made enough money

[1:38:32] that it's a

[1:38:32] thriller now

[1:38:33] and not a

[1:38:33] horror movie

[1:38:34] yeah I think

[1:38:34] those are the

[1:38:35] rules

Dan McCoy

[1:38:35] yeah I think

[1:38:36] so

[1:38:36] but just

[1:38:37] quickly

[1:38:37] the basic

[1:38:38] premise of

[1:38:40] is two

[1:38:41] brothers

[1:38:41] the older

[1:38:42] one

[1:38:42] pulled the

[1:38:43] younger one

[1:38:43] out of a

[1:38:44] cult

[1:38:44] when they

[1:38:44] were

[1:38:45] like teens

[1:38:46] and

[1:38:47] the younger

[1:38:48] one doesn't

[1:38:48] like life

[1:38:49] on the outside

[1:38:49] and convinces

[1:38:50] the brother

[1:38:51] to go back

[1:38:51] and visit

[1:38:52] and then

[1:38:53] a bunch

[1:38:53] of weird

[1:38:54] stuff starts

[1:38:54] happening

[1:38:54] so

[1:38:56] that's

[1:38:57] the

[1:38:57] that's

[1:38:58] you don't

[1:38:58] want to know

[1:38:58] anything more

[1:38:59] than that

[1:38:59] going in

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:00] don't tell

[1:39:01] me anything

[1:39:01] more than

[1:39:02] that

[1:39:02] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:03] so

[1:39:04] I'm not

[1:39:04] asking you

[1:39:05] to

[1:39:05] okay

[1:39:06] but it's

[1:39:07] it's not

[1:39:08] an endless

[1:39:09] movie right

[1:39:09] it's only like

[1:39:10] an hour and a

[1:39:10] half

[1:39:10] no it is

[1:39:11] one of those

Dan McCoy

[1:39:12] movies that

[1:39:13] tempts fate

[1:39:14] when it comes

[1:39:15] to critics

[1:39:16] making up

[1:39:17] snarky headlines

[1:39:18] that and also

[1:39:19] infinity war

[1:39:20] seems to

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:21] man that's

[1:39:22] my fucking

[1:39:22] favorite is

[1:39:23] like even

[1:39:24] fucking

[1:39:24] colbert

[1:39:25] which I

[1:39:26] don't know

[1:39:27] like are

[1:39:27] they hire

[1:39:28] the oldest

[1:39:28] guys in

[1:39:29] the world

[1:39:29] to write

[1:39:29] their bits

[1:39:30] because it's

[1:39:30] like you

[1:39:31] can see

[1:39:32] this fucking

[1:39:32] writers room

[1:39:33] as some

[1:39:34] old fucker

[1:39:34] saying like

[1:39:37] more like

[1:39:38] infinity

[1:39:39] infinite

[1:39:40] cast of

[1:39:41] characters

[1:39:42] he turns

Dan McCoy

[1:39:44] into

[1:39:45] Audrey

[1:39:45] too

[1:39:45] well just

[1:39:46] Audrey

[1:39:46] from

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:47] he turns

[1:39:47] into

[1:39:47] Audrey

[1:39:48] too

[1:39:48] and then

[1:39:50] he gulps

[1:39:51] Stuart down

[1:39:51] while he's

[1:39:52] trying to

[1:39:52] buy a plant

[1:39:52] and I

[1:39:53] deserve it

[1:39:54] for making

[1:39:54] fun of

[1:39:55] his jokes

[1:39:55] just

[1:39:57] Audrey

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:57] that was

[1:39:58] a very

[1:39:58] complicated

[1:39:59] scenario

[1:40:00] that just

[1:40:00] got

[1:40:01] spun to

[1:40:02] life

[1:40:03] and this

[1:40:04] is coming

[1:40:05] from someone

[1:40:05] who often

[1:40:06] starts

[1:40:06] sentences

[1:40:06] not knowing

[1:40:07] how they're

[1:40:07] going to

[1:40:07] end

Dan McCoy

[1:40:08] yeah so

[1:40:09] Stuart

[1:40:10] did you

[1:40:11] recommend

[1:40:11] something

[1:40:12] or not

[1:40:12] yeah I

[1:40:12] fucking

[1:40:13] just did

[1:40:13] Ingrid

[1:40:14] goes west

[1:40:14] oh okay

[1:40:15] wait

[1:40:16] did you

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:18] think for a

[1:40:19] second that

[1:40:19] like time

[1:40:20] stopped and

[1:40:20] my recommendation

[1:40:21] happened all

[1:40:22] inside your

[1:40:22] brain

[1:40:23] like Dan

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:26] I'm genuinely

[1:40:26] starting to

[1:40:27] worry about

[1:40:28] you after

[1:40:28] this episode

[1:40:29] I'm sorry

[1:40:30] like well we

[1:40:31] didn't talk

[1:40:31] about my

[1:40:31] favorite musical

[1:40:32] number

[1:40:32] yeah we

[1:40:33] did

[1:40:33] Stuart

[1:40:33] talked about

[1:40:34] it

[1:40:34] and I

[1:40:34] talked

[1:40:35] about it

[1:40:35] yeah well

[1:40:36] we never

[1:40:36] introduced

[1:40:37] ourselves

[1:40:37] yeah we

[1:40:38] did at

[1:40:38] the beginning

[1:40:38] of the

[1:40:39] show

[1:40:39] did I

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:41] say we

[1:40:41] never

[1:40:42] introduced

[1:40:42] ourselves

[1:40:42] did you

[1:40:43] hit record

[1:40:43] on this

[1:40:44] podcast

[1:40:44] I fucking

[1:40:45] hope

[1:40:45] okay

[1:40:46] or I

[1:40:46] kind of

[1:40:47] hope not

[1:40:47] I don't

[1:40:47] know

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:47] maybe we'll

[1:40:49] do it all

[1:40:49] over again

[1:40:50] okay

[1:40:50] welcome to the

[1:40:51] Flophouse

[1:40:52] I'm Elliot

[1:40:52] Kalin

[1:40:52] that's Stuart

[1:40:53] this is

[1:40:54] Dan

[1:40:54] memory man

[1:40:55] McCoy

[1:40:56] yeah

[1:40:57] nobody

[1:40:58] people don't

[1:40:59] realize Dan

[1:40:59] got mementoed

[1:41:00] since the last

[1:41:01] episode

Dan McCoy

[1:41:01] I'm yeah

[1:41:03] I'm the

[1:41:03] character at the

[1:41:03] end of the

[1:41:04] 39 steps

[1:41:05] I actually

[1:41:05] Mr.

[1:41:07] memory

[1:41:07] Mr.

[1:41:08] memory

[1:41:08] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:08] even that

[1:41:09] you couldn't

[1:41:09] remember

[1:41:09] great job

[1:41:10] great job

[1:41:13] Mr.

[1:41:13] memory

[1:41:13] I like the

[1:41:14] idea that

[1:41:15] you have

[1:41:15] very specific

[1:41:16] tattoos for each

[1:41:17] episode on you

[1:41:17] you like look at

[1:41:18] your arm and it

[1:41:18] says we talked

[1:41:19] about the love

[1:41:20] duet scene with

[1:41:21] the trapeze

[1:41:21] artist

[1:41:22] you're like okay

[1:41:22] never mind

[1:41:23] my tattoo says

[1:41:23] we watched it

[1:41:24] already

[1:41:24] we talked about

[1:41:25] it already

Dan McCoy

[1:41:25] yeah

[1:41:26] so I'm getting

[1:41:27] tattooed like

[1:41:28] during the podcast

[1:41:29] just like

[1:41:30] constantly

[1:41:30] yeah I've been

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:31] meaning to talk

[1:41:31] to you about

[1:41:31] that the sound

[1:41:32] of the tattoo

[1:41:33] needle has been

[1:41:33] very distracting

[1:41:34] to the listeners

[1:41:35] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:35] all right

[1:41:37] it's just

[1:41:38] it's just really

[1:41:38] cool you know

[1:41:39] how do you like

[1:41:40] being a human

[1:41:40] canvas

[1:41:41] it's all in

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:45] Ray Bradbury's

[1:41:46] short story

[1:41:46] collection

[1:41:46] the illustrated

[1:41:47] dam

[1:41:47] where every

[1:41:49] tattoo on

[1:41:50] dan tells a

[1:41:50] story

[1:41:51] that song

Dan McCoy

[1:41:51] Groucho sang

[1:41:52] dan the

[1:41:53] tattooed lady

[1:41:53] yep

[1:41:55] um

[1:41:56] so

[1:41:57] let's

[1:41:58] uh

[1:41:59] close up

[1:41:59] the old

[1:42:00] mailbag

[1:42:01] close up the

[1:42:01] old recommendations

[1:42:02] bag

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:03] time for the

[1:42:03] circus to

[1:42:04] close down

[1:42:04] it's leaving

[1:42:05] town and

[1:42:05] going somewhere

[1:42:06] else

Dan McCoy

[1:42:06] yeah

[1:42:07] close up

[1:42:08] the old

[1:42:08] flop bag

[1:42:09] uh-huh

[1:42:10] wait wait

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:14] hold on

[1:42:15] dan aren't

[1:42:15] all bags

[1:42:16] floppy

[1:42:16] like

[1:42:19] once a bag

[1:42:20] is not

[1:42:20] floppy anymore

[1:42:21] it becomes

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:22] a briefcase

[1:42:22] or a box

[1:42:23] yeah

[1:42:24] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:24] thank you

[1:42:25] steward

[1:42:26] isn't a

[1:42:27] isn't a box

[1:42:28] just a bag

[1:42:28] that's not

[1:42:29] floppy

[1:42:29] dan your

[1:42:30] take

Dan McCoy

[1:42:30] all right

[1:42:31] well i guess

[1:42:32] take me away

[1:42:32] to jail

[1:42:33] you caught

[1:42:35] me

[1:42:35] let's drag

[1:42:37] him to hell

[1:42:37] everybody

[1:42:38] okay

[1:42:39] well

[1:42:39] again

[1:42:40] for the

[1:42:41] flop house

[1:42:42] i've been

[1:42:42] dan mccoy

[1:42:43] yeah i'm

[1:42:44] stewart

[1:42:44] wellington

[1:42:44] and i thought

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:45] i was always

[1:42:46] going to be

[1:42:46] ellie calen

[1:42:47] but now i'm

[1:42:47] not so sure

[1:42:47] all right

[1:42:49] goodbye everyone

[1:42:49] bye-bye

[1:42:50] no no

Dan McCoy

[1:42:58] did you see

[1:42:59] my post on

[1:43:00] uh the

[1:43:01] facebook group

[1:43:01] about the

[1:43:02] guy who

[1:43:03] was sitting

[1:43:03] next to me

[1:43:03] at adventures

[1:43:04] oh yeah

[1:43:05] yeah

[1:43:06] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:43:06] he was super

[1:43:07] pumped up

[1:43:08] by it

[1:43:08] yeah and

[1:43:09] then he was

[1:43:10] like oh man

[1:43:11] they really

[1:43:11] jacked us up

[1:43:12] didn't they

[1:43:12] to me afterwards

[1:43:13] like he like

[1:43:14] nudges me and

[1:43:15] i'm like yeah

[1:43:15] man they really

[1:43:16] did and then

[1:43:17] as soon as like

[1:43:17] the cross

[1:43:18] pet stinger was

[1:43:19] done and i

[1:43:19] stood up

[1:43:20] he like shook

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:21] hands

[1:43:21] whoa you guys

[1:43:23] are brothers in

[1:43:24] battle you went

[1:43:25] through an infinity

[1:43:25] war together

[1:43:26] yeah i find

[1:43:27] that hilarious

[1:43:27] maximumfun.org

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:31] comedy and culture

[1:43:32] artist owned

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:33] listener supported

Ep. #257 - The Greatest Showman

Chapters

Transcript

In this episode

Description