Ep. #258 - Justice League

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Justice League.

Stuart Wellington

[0:03] And the mystery of the three squares.

[0:06] Part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[0:08] No, no.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:38] And what's new with Dan?

Dan McCoy

[0:40] Well, okay.

[0:42] You've derailed things two seconds into the podcast, if that.

Elliott Kalan

[0:47] Well, we can't start all over.

[0:48] You raise us a good question, though.

[0:50] What is new with Dan?

[0:51] Dan, give us one new thing, or else we won't let you cross the mystic bridge to the episode.

[0:56] This is the gift you must give the riverboat ferryman.

[1:00] In order to get to the Flophouse.

[1:01] One new thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:03] I have a mild cold.

[1:05] Which, for long-time listeners, isn't that new a thing.

[1:07] Seems to happen most episodes.

[1:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] Well, I'm Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Podcast.

[1:14] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:16] And I just am so excited about the way Dan burst into the episode with more energy than I think we've ever seen him before using.

[1:23] And Stu just shut him down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27] Oh, guys.

[1:28] So, this is a great jumping on point for new listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Is it?

[1:34] We just finished a big storyline.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36] I got a co-worker who I'm trying to recommend the show to.

[1:41] So, yeah.

[1:41] So, let's make sure that this is a good entry-level thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46] Now, Stu, by co-worker, wouldn't you mean employee?

[1:48] Because you own a bar.

[1:50] Your co-workers are your employees at the bar.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52] Technically, yes.

[1:53] But it's kind of like how I describe my mom as also my best friend.

[1:57] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:57] Yeah.

[1:58] I've heard you do that many times.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59] I do it all the time.

[2:01] I don't stop talking about my mom.

[2:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:04] Stuart's all about moms.

[2:06] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:06] He's like, Mars.

[2:07] You're listening.

[2:08] You're the best.

[2:10] That was very sweet.

[2:11] That was sweet.

Dan McCoy

[2:12] Now I feel like I need to shout out to my mom.

[2:14] Happy Mother's Day.

[2:16] I don't need to.

[2:16] Jenny McCoy.

[2:17] My mom.

[2:18] Lovely, lovely human being.

[2:20] The nicest.

Elliott Kalan

[2:22] My mom, Abby Kalin, is great, but she doesn't listen to this.

[2:25] As she's told me before, I don't like that.

[2:27] That's not for me.

[2:29] About this podcast.

Dan McCoy

[2:30] That seems totally fair.

[2:31] So, I don't need to shout out to her.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] It fits her demographic and interests perfectly.

[2:37] I'm not surprised by it.

[2:39] Yeah.

[2:40] What?

[2:40] That she doesn't like our podcast?

[2:42] Yes.

[2:43] I'm not surprised by that.

[2:44] Cool.

Stuart Wellington

[2:44] So, what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[2:47] Now that you're done dicking around.

Elliott Kalan

[2:48] Mostly we talk about moms.

[2:51] Uh-huh.

[2:52] Momcast.

[2:52] Welcome to the mom house, everybody.

[2:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:55] I believe that would be one bad mother also on this podcasting network.

Stuart Wellington

[3:00] Yeah, which is a much better and more informative show.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] If you're looking for mom content, that's where you should look for it.

[3:05] Or mom tent.

Elliott Kalan

[3:06] That's a tent you put a mom in while she's in labor.

[3:10] Wow.

[3:11] For privacy, I guess?

[3:14] There's any number of reasons you might want to put someone in a tent, but that's one of them.

[3:18] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] Now I'm just thinking about the...

[3:22] Never mind.

[3:22] Oh, gross.

[3:23] It's not worth the digression.

[3:24] So, on this podcast, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:30] Oh, yeah.

[3:30] And that's what we do.

[3:31] And this time we watch a movie called Just Ice League about a league of people who just want ice and nothing else.

Elliott Kalan

[3:41] They don't...

[3:41] And when they're like...

[3:42] Those people who are like at a fast food restaurant, they're like, just give me a cup of ice.

[3:46] Don't charge me for it.

[3:47] I don't want the soda.

[3:48] I'm just going to chew on the ice.

[3:50] And they're like, those cups are considered drinks.

[3:52] Yeah.

[3:52] And they're going to do an accounting at the end of the day.

[3:54] Every cup that we give away, it's going to come out of my salary.

[3:57] And they're like, I just want ice.

[3:59] You're going to charge me for a cup with ice?

[4:00] This is ridiculous.

[4:02] And then they get into a big fight that gets put on a cell phone video.

[4:05] And that becomes a huge hit and turns into memes.

[4:08] That's the plot of Just Ice League.

[4:10] Well, so was it a good, good movie, a good, bad movie, or a sweet, bad movie?

[4:15] Or a snorifying.

Stuart Wellington

[4:18] A sweet, bad movie.

[4:20] It was a bad movie, but I found it eerily touching.

[4:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] I mean, that was Power Rangers for me, to be honest.

[4:26] A sweet, bad movie.

[4:29] Or Sweet Sweet Back's Badass Song, the Van Peebles film.

[4:33] That's also kind of a...

[4:34] But anyway, Dan, so we did not watch Just Ice League, right?

[4:38] Since you got it wrong, I'm going to turn to Stuart.

[4:41] Stu, what movie did we watch?

[4:42] We watched Justice League, starring Batman.

[4:49] True.

[4:49] And this is one of the DC comic book movie universe family of titles,

[4:54] which has concluded, hopefully,

[4:58] which has included such previous Flophouse entries as Superman v.

[5:03] Batman, Dawn of Justice, and Suicide Squad.

[5:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:07] That's a rich vein for us.

[5:09] So thanks, DC.

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] Thanks, DC, for pumping out gray, mediocre crap.

[5:17] You know, the DC movie universe is a lot like a sick dog,

[5:21] in that it pumps out gray, mediocre crap.

Stuart Wellington

[5:23] Oh, that makes me sad now.

[5:26] I'm glad that you're grading the quality of the crap.

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] Mediocre.

[5:33] Mediocre at best.

[5:34] Try better next time, Woofie.

[5:37] Woofie.

[5:38] Isn't that part of the Westminster...

Dan McCoy

[5:39] I'm like a true owner of a dog.

[5:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:42] Put a lot of energy into naming that dog.

[5:45] Isn't that part of the Westminster Kennel Club dog show,

[5:47] is they grade their poop, or am I wrong about that?

Stuart Wellington

[5:51] I, you know, what do they do, like cut it open and count the rings?

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] Yeah, I guess so.

Stuart Wellington

[5:57] Or is it like an owl pellet, and you try and find out what animals the owl ate?

Elliott Kalan

[6:01] Yeah, what little bones are in there.

[6:03] So here's how they grade them at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.

[6:06] Poise.

[6:07] Uh-huh.

[6:08] Confidence.

[6:09] Uh-huh.

[6:10] Special skill.

[6:11] Uh-huh.

[6:12] Then there's something called freestyle.

[6:13] I don't know what that is.

[6:14] I guess they just do whatever they want.

Stuart Wellington

[6:16] It's where they swim with their front paws over like a crawl.

[6:21] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[6:22] Oh, I see.

[6:22] Yeah, yeah.

[6:24] So there's poop, then there's fur, teeth, bark, bite.

[6:30] Okay.

[6:30] And here's the weird thing.

[6:32] You want the bark to be worse than the bite.

[6:35] That's very counterintuitive, but that's how they judge these things.

[6:37] That's how they show you really training.

[6:39] And lastly, it's hot or not.

[6:42] Okay.

[6:43] Oh, wow.

[6:44] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] Well, this is a lot more perverse than I imagined it.

[6:47] I mean, it's weird that they put it on after the Macy's Day Parade.

[6:50] The Thanksgiving Day Parade every year.

[6:51] For like four hours.

Elliott Kalan

[6:52] With Jay Peterman just going through the whole thing like it's no big deal.

[6:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:56] Really weird stuff for a national audience.

[7:00] But anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] Are we still talking about dogs?

[7:02] I don't know.

[7:03] Well, I mean, this will be dating when you watch this, but a national audience did yesterday

[7:07] just watch a hereditary monarchy absorb one more person into its dark web of secrets and lies.

[7:16] So that was a national pageant.

Stuart Wellington

[7:18] You're making it sound much more exciting than it probably is.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Okay, guys.

[7:24] So Justice League.

[7:25] Should we dive into this thing like Greg Louganis would if it was a pool?

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:29] Can I have a big bowl of this movie right now, please?

Elliott Kalan

[7:32] Yep.

[7:33] Yes, you may.

[7:34] So Justice League begins.

[7:36] We have some cell phone video of Superman.

[7:38] I assume in the aftermath of his killing thousands of people in his big fight in Metropolis.

[7:43] He's being interviewed by some off-screen kids for a podcast.

[7:46] Uh-huh.

[7:47] And they ask him.

Stuart Wellington

[7:48] You guys had to have felt a little bit like that was us, right?

Elliott Kalan

[7:52] That's kind of what we sound like.

[7:54] I was like, Justice League, is this a preemptive strike against us because we're jerks and we're

[7:58] children men?

[7:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] Or it's just a tie-in for that Josh Radner show.

[8:03] Wait, not Josh Radner.

[8:04] The other guy.

[8:05] Fucking Garden Snake.

[8:06] Garden Snake.

[8:07] Zach Braff.

[8:08] Zach Braff.

[8:09] Yeah, yeah.

[8:10] Zach Braff podcasting show.

[8:11] That's a name you'd call Zach Braff, I guess.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:13] They're basically the same human being.

Stuart Wellington

[8:15] Yeah.

[8:15] Zach Braff in the Jesse Thorne story.

[8:18] Yeah.

[8:18] Podcast the show.

[8:19] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] This was grill marketing for that.

[8:21] But wait, I saw how come Zach Braff doesn't have a huge beard in that show.

Stuart Wellington

[8:24] Jesse Thorne has a huge beard?

[8:26] I've never noticed it.

[8:28] His wife.

[8:30] Wow.

[8:31] Not no.

[8:31] We are not okay, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[8:35] No, I'm sorry.

[8:37] I'm not.

[8:38] That's the hardest Dan's ever laughed at a joke.

[8:42] No.

[8:43] Jesse's in a loving marriage.

[8:48] Dan, you're making it worse.

Stuart Wellington

[8:50] Why did he wink when you said loving?

[8:53] Why did...

[8:55] Oh, boy.

[8:56] I don't know why I did that.

[8:57] I'm sorry, guys.

[8:57] We have a lot of fun here, don't we?

Elliott Kalan

[8:59] So...

[8:59] Yeah, we have lots of fun.

[9:00] Anyway, so Superman's being interviewed for a podcast, and the kids ask him,

[9:04] hey, what's the best thing about planet Earth?

[9:05] And he gets suddenly very serious and has no answer, and it ends the scene.

[9:10] And I was like, if there's anything that encapsulates the DC movie universe, it is the idea that there is nothing good about the planet Earth.

Dan McCoy

[9:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] You ask Superman, the smiling symbol of justice and sunshine, what's best about Earth?

[9:26] And he has nothing to tell you.

[9:27] And it's like, if I can go off on a slight tangent about Marvel versus DC here.

[9:31] It's like, in the Marvel universe, there's so many things that characters are seen enjoying on screen.

[9:37] Food is good.

[9:38] Music is good.

[9:40] Like, they talk about...

[9:41] Hanging around with your friends.

[9:42] Movies they watch.

[9:43] What?

[9:43] Just like hanging around with your friends.

[9:45] Like, palling around.

Stuart Wellington

[9:46] Yeah, just hanging out.

Elliott Kalan

[9:47] Playing pranks.

[9:49] Picking up hammers.

[9:51] Whereas, yeah, picking up...

[9:52] Trying to pick up each other's hammers.

[9:54] Whereas, in the DC universe, life is about, like, duty and responsibility and just, like, sufferance.

[10:00] Suffering?

[10:01] Not sufferance.

[10:01] Suffering.

[10:02] And I was like, okay, so the Marvel Cinematic Universe is, like, Athens.

[10:05] And the DC Cinematic Universe is, like, Sparta.

[10:08] And one of them is, like, a place people live and enjoy themselves.

[10:12] And the other is a place where you exist only to serve, I guess, the higher purpose of suffering for the enjoyment of the gods?

[10:23] Who are us?

[10:24] It was like...

[10:25] I was like, DC, you're showing your cards very early to have Superman literally unable to make up a bullshit answer for a bunch of kids.

[10:30] About something he likes about Earth.

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Now, do you think it was hard because they had to add an upper lip to him in post because he had a mustache when they filmed it?

[10:41] I've got to say.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Yeah.

[10:43] Oh, yeah, he was putting so much effort into hiding his mustache that he couldn't think of anything.

Stuart Wellington

[10:49] Yeah, that's a fun fact that I'm sure most people know.

[10:51] But apparently for the extensive reshoots of this movie, Henry Cavill had to have a mustache due to contractual reasons.

[10:58] And so they had to digitally erase his mustache for the movie, which seems insane.

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] Yeah.

[11:04] But to be honest, I expected it to be more obvious that he had a digital upper lip.

[11:09] Everybody was talking about it.

[11:10] And yet, if you hadn't told me, I don't know that I would have noticed it, to be honest.

Stuart Wellington

[11:13] Yeah, I mean, you're not that familiar with Henry Cavill's normal face, right?

[11:16] Mm-hmm.

[11:17] Very unfamiliar with it.

[11:18] I'd like to get to know it better.

Elliott Kalan

[11:19] He's a handsome man.

[11:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:22] So we have the opening cell phone clip, and then we go right to shots of flags, right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:27] We go to sadness montage because Superman's dead.

[11:32] Superman, the character nobody trusted or liked in the previous movies, has now, after his death, been widely accepted as the symbol of everything that's best about life and humanity,

[11:43] which, in a way, I guess is, like, a pretty accurate rendition of what happens to controversial figures when they die.

[11:51] Like, once they're no longer threatening to the people that they were pushing against, they become kind of just generally accepted symbols of goodness,

[11:59] like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and things like that and Christ, you know?

[12:03] Like, as soon as they're dead, it's like, oh, okay, well, now we can all agree this was, like, a pretty cool guy.

[12:09] Well, when he was alive, you didn't like him.

[12:11] Yeah, but come on.

[12:12] Now, in retrospect, now that he can't stop me anymore?

[12:15] Yeah, you can't threaten me anymore.

[12:16] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] I'll put a statue up.

[12:18] Now that he can't hurt me, now that the monster's gone?

[12:20] Mm-hmm.

[12:22] Superman's dead.

[12:23] Everybody's sad.

[12:24] And you might be like, wasn't everybody already sad in the DC universe?

[12:27] Yeah, but now they're really sad.

[12:28] And I kind of, I wouldn't have been surprised if there had just been a newspaper montage of headlines that are like,

[12:33] millions commit suicide.

[12:35] No reason to live anymore.

[12:36] Now that Superman's gone.

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:39] Entirety of Japan sinks into sea.

[12:41] Sorry, not interested in life.

[12:43] Gotta go.

Stuart Wellington

[12:44] Yeah, I think, I mean, I think we're officially, so I watched this with my wife,

[12:48] and so she didn't know, she hadn't seen any of the previous movies.

[12:51] I think she saw clips of Suicide Squad before leaving the room in annoyance.

[12:56] But, oh, and she's not Wonder Woman.

[12:58] But we, so we were watching, we were watching this movie,

[13:01] and I think you're actually informed that Superman is dead with like a rained on newspaper on a Gotham City roof, right?

[13:09] Yeah.

[13:10] And so she's like, wait, Superman's dead?

[13:12] I'm like, whoa, it's a story.

[13:15] Not a very good one.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] Oh, wait, you're right, because I forgot.

[13:18] Before we go to the opening titles, you see Batman, he traps a burglar so that he can use the burglar's fear to draw out a parademon.

[13:27] The fear is bait for a parademon, which is a flying kind of gremlin-y, steampunk-y monster.

[13:32] And we'll get into it later.

[13:34] That's what he was doing.

[13:36] Yeah, and they fight, and the demon explodes into green paint for some reason.

[13:40] And then the burglar goes, those aliens are probably coming because Superman's gone.

[13:45] What are we going to do without Superman?

[13:48] This is the burglar saying this.

Dan McCoy

[13:50] Also, I want to say that during this fight, Batman does the goofiest-looking flip off of something onto the burglar.

[13:56] And I was like, for a second, I'm like, are we in Batman and Robin?

[13:59] Like, it seemed like out of a difference.

[14:02] Are we in a bad movie?

[14:03] Different style Batman movie.

Stuart Wellington

[14:05] Are we watching Rat Fink a boo-boo?

[14:08] I do like the moment when he jumps and starts riding the parademon, and it looks really realistic.

[14:13] And then the parademon flies around in a big circle and then just goes and crashes back down on the same roof they started on.

[14:20] That seems crazy.

[14:23] I mean, I guess it's nice for the parademon to bring him back to that burglar so the burglar can explain things.

[14:29] The burglar, the herald of Steppenwolf.

Elliott Kalan

[14:35] Steppenwolf, the villain, is like, I've placed one petty burglar among you.

[14:39] He's just going to walk around talking about how there's trouble coming.

[14:43] Anyway, that's where we have the sad opening titles.

[14:45] We see even the Kent farm, Clark Kent's childhood farm, has been foreclosed on because I guess his mom can't meet the payments.

[14:53] And meanwhile –

Dan McCoy

[14:55] Meet the payments starring Ben Stiller.

Elliott Kalan

[14:59] So what's the plot of Meet the Payments, Dan?

[15:01] Pitch it to me.

[15:02] Pitch me this movie.

Dan McCoy

[15:04] So he's marrying a bank or what's going on?

[15:07] Wait, does Bobby D play the bank?

[15:10] Robert De Niro is the head of the bank, obviously.

[15:12] That makes sense.

[15:13] It would be silly if he was playing a bank.

[15:15] Come on.

[15:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:16] I mean, that would be crazy.

[15:18] Like, do you have to, like, walk into his mouth to get into the bank vault?

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] He could be playing Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins.

[15:25] Sure.

[15:27] Anything's possible.

Stuart Wellington

[15:29] Yeah, mid-world.

[15:30] It could happen.

[15:30] Movie star and TV star Jonathan Banks.

[15:33] That's right.

[15:34] That's true.

[15:35] Or kid secret agent Cody Banks.

Dan McCoy

[15:38] Guys, there are a lot of Banks.

Elliott Kalan

[15:41] We haven't even scratched the surface of Carlton Banks, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air's true hero.

Stuart Wellington

[15:46] I forgot there was an Agent Cody Banks.

[15:52] Oh, we have fun here.

Elliott Kalan

[15:54] Yeah.

[15:55] Hey, guys, remember when Agent Cody Banks died and the world was plunged into misery and sadness?

[15:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:00] I told him not to ride that skateboard.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] After all his super adventures, that's what killed him.

[16:08] He rode a skateboard down a flight of stairs.

[16:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:11] Just walk down him, dude.

[16:14] Breakfast will wait.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] The cereal's not getting that soggy.

[16:22] Okay.

[16:22] So, the DC Universe is in crisis.

[16:25] In London, Wonder Woman fights some terrorists who blame the modern world for aliens coming,

[16:30] and they want to blow up some stuff because nothing happens in the DC Universe that's not about whatever is going on in the DC Universe.

[16:38] Bruce Wayne.

Stuart Wellington

[16:39] This is a really great action scene where she – I don't know.

[16:44] Like, the pacing and editing of these action sequences where this guy is shooting a machine gun and she's just, like, really quickly blocking the bullets.

[16:51] It's done in the most herky-jerky fashion so that it takes out anything that might be exciting about it.

[16:58] Like, it feels like, why are you even casting an athletic person?

[17:01] You could have anyone be doing this.

[17:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:04] Also, Wonder Woman is operating beneath the radar as only someone wearing a leather miniskirt and having a glowing rope could do.

Elliott Kalan

[17:12] Well, the fact that she is – she's standing on top of a giant, what, scales of justice statue above a roof,

[17:18] and she just kind of senses that there's a problem going on in the building.

[17:22] Like, the characters do a lot of – here's – maybe, okay, here's a problem with the DC Universe.

[17:26] I hadn't thought about it until now.

[17:27] The characters do a lot of acting like superheroes are supposed to act and doing, like, superhero pose things,

[17:33] but things that don't really make sense within the story or world that they've created, if that makes sense.

Stuart Wellington

[17:39] No, that's been my problem with – ever since, like, Man of Steel, it feels like the movies aren't doing the legwork to get to these points.

[17:49] Like, they're just like, oh, everybody already knows that.

[17:52] Let's just get to this.

[17:53] Like, oh, yeah, it's Superman.

[17:54] He just does that.

Elliott Kalan

[17:56] I mean, there's something to be said for that in that, like, by this point, even as a total Marvel zombie,

[18:02] I'm starting to get kind of fatigued by all the Marvel movies where I'm like,

[18:05] I kind of wish I could watch one of these without watching 17 other movies.

[18:10] But there's a happy medium, I guess.

[18:13] The fact that James Bond continues to this day making movies where you don't really need to know much going in

[18:19] other than James Bond's a secret agent and he likes to have sex with women and gambling.

[18:25] And then you go in and he just has an adventure and then it's over.

Dan McCoy

[18:27] But you definitely have to know those things going in.

Stuart Wellington

[18:30] If you were to go in without that information, you would be so lost.

Dan McCoy

[18:33] You'd be like, why is he with that woman in that bed?

[18:36] I don't understand.

[18:37] You'd be like, this man is a sociopath.

[18:39] What is he doing?

Stuart Wellington

[18:40] You'd go up to people in the movie theater and be like, excuse me, can you explain this to me?

[18:44] And they're like, shut up, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[18:46] Now, Usher, this man appears to be flirting with this woman as if he wants to have sex with her.

[18:52] Is that true?

[18:54] Am I reading that situation correctly?

[18:56] Because I don't know the back story.

Stuart Wellington

[18:57] Because it also feels like he's threatening her in a way.

[19:00] And I don't think that's cool.

[19:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:05] Very true.

[19:06] So anyway, Batman, aka Bruce Wayne.

[19:08] And this is because there's a number of scenes with Bruce Wayne where I think Ben Affleck just didn't want to put on a Batman costume.

[19:14] He goes to Iceland to snuff out the – or snuff out.

[19:18] To sniff out.

[19:18] Not to kill.

[19:20] To find Aquaman, who is the Thor of these movies in that he is a blatant ripoff of Thor from the Marvel movies where he's just like a big bearded bro who's like all about drinking and fighting.

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] I think he's like introduced to like a rock song or something, right?

[19:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:39] Well, also –

[19:40] And –

[19:40] I mean, let's make it clear too that Batman is like trying to put together the super team because he has this vague – he has this vague sense that something is coming.

[19:48] Yeah.

[19:48] As you remember –

[19:49] He sees a prophecy of three squares.

Elliott Kalan

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:53] He has – he did find – he has Lex Luthor's notes which seem to say that something's coming.

[19:57] He did fight an alien demon on a rooftop.

[20:00] Yeah, that's true.

[20:02] And also he had a bad dream in the last movie.

[20:04] Remember that one?

[20:04] Yeah, I do remember that.

[20:06] So –

[20:07] But anyway, he goes to Iceland and Aquaman – there's a cut and then Aquaman's like, so you fight crime dressed as a bat?

[20:13] And he's like, yeah, I do.

[20:14] And it's like, Batman is very casually just dropping his secret identity with this man he just met who, best case scenario, is kind of like just a kind of drunk heavy metal fan who hangs out underwater all the time.

[20:28] You know.

[20:28] But Aquaman says, no way, dude.

[20:31] I'm not interested in fighting crime.

[20:33] All I do is I just want to be left alone in the oceans.

[20:36] And then he takes his shirt off and you're like, I get it.

[20:41] We go on to meet –

[20:43] I'm buying whatever this guy is selling.

[20:48] He takes his shirt off and you're like, check, not please.

[20:51] I'll stick around.

[20:53] Yep, because that's what you have to do in a restaurant and tell the waiter, no, no, no, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[20:56] Don't bring me the check yet.

[20:59] I would like to have a meal.

Elliott Kalan

[21:01] I want to continue taking up this six top.

[21:03] I know there are people waiting over there by the door.

[21:06] I see that there's a line of people waiting.

[21:08] I know I'm done eating technically, but I'm still picking at the three or four peas left on my plate.

[21:13] So check not please, sir.

Dan McCoy

[21:15] Because you have to constantly reassure the waiter that you don't need the check, that's why I like to just have a sign that I hang around my neck saying, not done.

[21:25] And then do you flip it around to the other side and it says done when you're done?

[21:28] Actually, that would be pretty good.

[21:30] That might be helpful in a restaurant situation.

[21:33] I mean, I didn't invent that.

Elliott Kalan

[21:35] That's literally how like Radizio restaurants work.

[21:38] Like Churras Corillas.

[21:40] Well, there you go.

[21:41] See?

[21:42] You have the little...

Stuart Wellington

[21:42] Okay, so Dan, it's, yeah, you didn't steal that idea.

[21:45] It happened at the same time.

[21:47] Yeah.

[21:47] Completely separate thoughts.

[21:49] It makes sense.

[21:49] Okay, cool.

Dan McCoy

[21:50] Yeah, remember that for the legal, for the trial.

[21:53] For the court case?

[21:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] When, in the case of McCoy v. Brazilian Barbecue.

[22:00] Mm-hmm.

[22:03] Okay, so then we meet our other soon-to-be heroes.

[22:06] There's The Flash, who is the Jim Parsons Big Bang Theory of the movie.

[22:11] Yeah.

[22:11] He's the kind of like awkward nerdy guy, and he visits his dad in jail.

[22:15] His dad was convicted of a murder that The Flash thinks his dad didn't commit.

[22:19] And his dad's like, hey, stop letting me drag you back in life.

[22:21] You should leave me behind and go get a job in a real city somewhere.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] And you don't cast Jim Caviezel to cast, like, you know he's not guilty.

[22:30] He's Jesus, right?

[22:31] Yeah, that's right.

[22:33] I mean, yeah.

[22:35] Jesus.

[22:36] I mean, you're not gonna...

[22:37] He shouldn't be in jail.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] What?

[22:40] That was Jim Caviezel as the dad?

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] Yeah.

[22:42] Yeah, that was him.

[22:44] Oh, okay.

[22:44] I didn't even recognize him.

[22:45] I guess it's been a while since I saw him in anything.

[22:47] Oh, wow.

[22:48] That's a good thing.

[22:49] I don't know why that is...

Dan McCoy

[22:50] Person of interest for years and years.

Elliott Kalan

[22:52] I was gonna say, because he is a person of interest.

Dan McCoy

[22:55] Yeah.

[22:56] All right.

[22:56] Sorry about this.

[22:57] Okay, just edit out your line.

[22:58] Sorry for stepping on that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] Yeah.

[23:00] It was a great line.

[23:01] Anyway, but forget it.

[23:03] Now it falls flat.

[23:04] Before it would have been...

[23:05] We would have had to stop the podcast for 10 minutes while people just laughed and laughed,

[23:08] then applauded.

[23:09] Laughed some more.

[23:11] Stood up and applauded.

[23:12] Then laughed.

[23:13] And then wiped away a tear.

[23:15] And then moved on with their lives with a fresh new set of purpose and a real feeling like

[23:19] they can control the world.

Stuart Wellington

[23:20] Yeah.

[23:21] Then you wait a moment.

[23:22] And then there's that aftershock where your whole body starts to quake and you start laughing

[23:26] for seemingly no reason.

[23:28] But it's because of that first show.

[23:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:30] I mean, it's kind of weird that we're stopping for laughs when they could just pause it.

[23:34] But I mean, I guess...

[23:35] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[23:36] They're laughing so hard they can't even control their finger to get to that pause button.

[23:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:39] If they were to touch the phone to pause it or whatever listening device, the vibrations

[23:47] from their hand would shatter the device.

[23:49] Oh, wow.

[23:50] Yeah.

[23:50] It would just go straight through it.

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:51] It would shatter or crack like a mother box would in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[23:56] Oh.

[23:57] Well, I guess that doesn't really happen ever.

[23:59] But okay.

[24:00] So meanwhile, then we meet Cyborg, who is a cyborg.

[24:03] His dad is a scientist who turned his son into a cyborg to save his life, used alien technology,

[24:08] and now he uses amazing powers to mope around his apartment in a sweatshirt.

Stuart Wellington

[24:12] Yeah.

[24:13] And his dad is played by Joe Morton, who played Dyson in Terminator 2.

[24:19] In the Terminator movies.

Elliott Kalan

[24:20] In that story about the Dyson vacuum cleaner.

Stuart Wellington

[24:23] And he played the brother from another planet in the movie, The Brother from Another Planet.

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] Oh, that's such a good movie.

[24:29] I really like that movie.

[24:30] Now, Dan, could you relate to somebody whose superpower is moping around their apartment?

Dan McCoy

[24:35] You know, I will say this about this character.

[24:38] Like, this is probably something that's much more common in the comics than in movies,

[24:43] because I don't read comics, so I don't know what's like a cliche in comics versus what

[24:48] is, you know, common in the movies.

Stuart Wellington

[24:51] Yeah, you read, like, Crazy Cat.

Dan McCoy

[24:53] Yeah, I read old reprints of newspaper strips.

Stuart Wellington

[24:57] Yeah, when they do, like, the Yellow Kid movie, you'll go see that.

Dan McCoy

[25:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] Ugh, what an unreadable comic the Yellow Kid is.

[25:05] You're like, time to sit back and catch up on the latest adventures of Nancy and Sluggo.

[25:09] So much continuity to deal with.

Dan McCoy

[25:12] Oh, my God.

[25:13] A Nancy movie would just be, like, a different gag every minute, and it would be totally disconnected.

[25:19] That would be great.

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] Yeah, you sit down to read your omnibus of Pogo, and you pull out your lexicon that translates

[25:26] the wild patois that the characters speak.

[25:32] It would be helpful to have an English to Pogo dictionary.

[25:35] Yeah.

[25:36] I was reading that Swamp Thing that Alan Moore wrote with, uh, that had, like, the Pogo characters

[25:41] in it.

Dan McCoy

[25:41] Were there aliens that are the Pogo characters?

Stuart Wellington

[25:43] Yeah.

[25:43] And I got so frustrated, I almost threw the book across the room before I realized it would

[25:49] hurt the value.

Elliott Kalan

[25:51] I genuinely love, like, Pogo's one of my three favorite comic strips of all time, and it is

[25:56] sometimes hard to read.

[25:58] And I was reading some, too, Sammy.

[26:00] And there were times when I was like, I'd be laughing at a joke, and I could see just

[26:04] total lack of comprehension on his face.

[26:06] And I'd be like, I don't even know how to explain this joke to you, Sammy.

[26:09] It requires so many layers of fake Southern wordplay.

[26:13] Like, I don't know what to tell you.

[26:15] But then he'd be like, read me another one.

[26:17] It was like, he had faith that they would be funny to him eventually.

[26:20] Yeah.

[26:20] But not now, young padawan.

[26:22] Not now.

Dan McCoy

[26:24] What I was going to say long ago, though, was, I don't know how much of a cliche this

[26:27] is in the comics, but I haven't seen in a movie a character who is not only unhappy

[26:34] with his powers, but actively, like, kind of frightened of them.

Elliott Kalan

[26:38] I mean, that's, that's, that's very, that's, I mean, that's the X-Men, to a certain

[26:42] extent.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] Yeah, I guess.

[26:43] I guess.

[26:44] I mean, I feel like less so than this character, though.

[26:48] Like, I kind of thought it was a little interesting that this guy was like, I don't

[26:52] know, like, he was not happy to be a superhero.

[26:53] After seeing so many Marvel things where people, like, take joy in superhero, like,

[26:58] stuff, like, I know that I'm just, just discussing, I'm just describing the DC

[27:03] universe now.

[27:04] I don't know why this differs from, like, the grim and gritty stuff that I hate about

[27:07] the DC universe, but.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] Well, no, but it seems like there was a real, there was an actual personal

[27:11] personal motivation for this.

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:13] Like, he literally was like, I didn't ask for these powers.

[27:15] I don't like them.

[27:16] I can't control them.

[27:18] I can't be a regular human anymore.

[27:20] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[27:21] Whereas, like.

[27:22] Yeah, almost like.

[27:23] Superman.

[27:23] What's the point?

[27:24] Why did you save me to turn me into this?

[27:26] Yeah.

[27:27] Yeah, basically.

Elliott Kalan

[27:28] So, I guess.

[27:29] So, you know what?

[27:30] I buy it.

[27:30] He's a relatable character.

[27:31] And I guess.

[27:32] Meanwhile.

Stuart Wellington

[27:32] I guess the movie actually had way more cyborg stuff.

[27:36] And in the edits, they.

[27:38] Oh, really?

[27:38] He's pared it down quite a bit.

[27:39] Huh.

[27:40] I mean, I thought there was a fair amount of cyborg in the movie.

[27:43] I mean, I'm not.

[27:45] That's not my.

[27:46] I wasn't.

[27:47] I was just saying that apparently there was more.

[27:49] Oh, okay.

[27:49] I mean, I'm not making a judgment here.

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] There was more of him, like, trying to watch TV shows and he just can't get into them because

[27:55] he's feeling depressed and he turns it off.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:57] And trying to masturbate.

[27:58] And he's like, you know what?

[27:59] Forget it.

[28:00] I'm not even.

[28:00] I can't.

[28:01] Not even the mood for this.

[28:02] And just stops.

[28:03] Mm-hmm.

[28:03] Feel personally attacked by all of this.

[28:04] This little robo wiener sucks back into his body.

[28:05] I'm not saying this is just you, Dan.

[28:08] It goes to his job as a joke writer at a topical comedy show.

[28:12] Oh, okay.

[28:12] And he's like, I know I'm getting paid lots of money to do this, but I'm still unhappy

[28:16] about it.

Stuart Wellington

[28:18] Like, I thought this, of all things, would make me happy, but no, my quest is not over.

[28:23] Yeah.

[28:23] Yeah, how come when I achieve my dreams, it's.

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] I've achieved my dreams, yet it's still turned to ashes in my mouth.

[28:29] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[28:31] Anyway, so moving on to the movies.

[28:33] Stop.

Elliott Kalan

[28:35] On, we go to Amazon Island, where Wonder Woman's from, and a mother box wakes up, and Steppenwolf

[28:41] shows up, and he's got all these paradigms.

[28:44] Now, Steppenwolf is what you would call a, I guess, a Diablo computer games character.

Stuart Wellington

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:51] So, this is jumping ahead slightly, but at some point, a character gives, I think it might

[28:55] be Wonder Woman.

[28:56] Yeah, Wonder Woman kind of info dumps it, but Stuart, tell us what she says.

[28:59] Tells us the history.

[29:01] She explains that, you know, Steppenwolf, named after his tendency to step on wolves.

[29:12] Just by accident.

[29:14] Yeah.

[29:14] But because of that, I mean, you can't get away from that.

[29:17] The kids in the school yard are going to jump on you.

[29:20] That he had three magical boxes and was totally fucking up planets with him.

[29:26] And then the union of men, Amazons, and Atlanteans stopped him.

[29:35] And so, they gave one box to the elves.

[29:38] They gave one box to the dwarves.

[29:40] And one box to the men who used that box to turn into ring rates.

Elliott Kalan

[29:47] Stuart, I think you might be getting this movie mixed up with the things it steals from.

Stuart Wellington

[29:51] Now, let me tell you about Morgoth, guys.

[29:54] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] Then this big Balrog-looking motherfucker walks up, and he's all, Gandalf the Great?

[30:01] I don't think so.

Stuart Wellington

[30:04] Gandalf the Great?

[30:06] I like it.

[30:07] Gandalf the Great.

[30:08] That's what he tells people.

[30:09] He's just being held with a lot of self-confidence.

[30:11] Yeah, that's what he tells people at the bar.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Now, Dan, you were going to say about mother boxes, then I wanted to go on a rant about Jack

[30:18] Kirby's Fourth World.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] Just that they knew that, I mean, like, they knew that Infinity War was in production.

[30:24] They knew what they were doing.

[30:26] They knew Infinity War was going to come out, and they knew what the basic plot of it was

[30:30] going to be, that, like, they were going to be looking for these Infinity Stones.

[30:34] So, why did they make a movie where the whole point was, we have to assemble multiple magical

[30:40] items by this, like, big CGI guy to destroy the world?

Elliott Kalan

[30:45] Oh, I mean, it's such a standard superhero fantasy plot trope.

[30:49] I guess, but...

[30:50] I don't know about that.

[30:51] I think it was like when A Bug's Life and Ants came out, and you were like, certainly there

[30:55] are other ideas, Hollywood.

[30:56] You don't have to make just bug movies.

[30:58] At least there's not two competing volcano movies coming out.

[31:02] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stuart Wellington

[31:03] It was just...

[31:04] I think it was because at the time, I don't know if you saw any computer animated people

[31:09] in, like, early Pixar movies, and you're like, what is this?

[31:11] I don't like it.

[31:13] It makes me unhappy.

[31:14] Stick to animals and toys or something.

Dan McCoy

[31:17] I mean, it was just close enough.

[31:19] It felt like shitty Infinity War to me, and I guess they thought they could get away with

[31:22] it because they're like, we're scooping them.

[31:23] We're coming out first, but...

Elliott Kalan

[31:25] Maybe.

[31:25] I mean, it is a pretty...

[31:27] It's a dumb kind of plot.

[31:29] So you bring the three mother boxes together, and it creates something called the Unity,

[31:33] which unleashes kind of like some kind of monster hell wave tendrils that destroy a world and

[31:39] make it barren.

[31:39] Which is weird.

[31:40] And Steppenwolf seems to both worship this and also love it and also want to use it for

[31:45] power.

[31:46] Like, Steppenwolf's...

[31:47] It's like they said, what's every motivation that a villain can have for causing destruction?

[31:52] Let's just give him all of them, and we'll make it really muddy.

[31:55] Like, Steppenwolf is maybe the muddiest villain.

[31:57] Muddier than Mudman, who should be the muddiest villain of all.

[32:01] Yeah.

[32:02] That's what it says on his tin, yeah.

[32:04] Mudman's not a hero.

[32:05] I'm not a villain.

[32:06] Mudman's a hero.

[32:07] Paul Grist's Mudman.

[32:08] Anyway, but, like, Steppenwolf is such a...

[32:12] He's a movie in search of a villain.

[32:15] Uh-huh.

[32:15] And it's like, well, we need a big bad guy for the heroes to fight.

[32:18] It's not time to bring out Darkseid, because Darkseid should wait until movie 15 or something.

[32:24] So, I guess we'll take this other guy.

[32:26] And they're so, like...

[32:28] The thing that bugged me the most, as a comics fan, is that they're just ripping elements wholesale from Jack Kirby's Fourth World series of titles, which I love.

[32:40] I think they're better than maybe anything else that DC has put out.

[32:44] Like, I love the Fourth World characters, like Orion and Darkseid and...

[32:47] Is Orion the guy who rides around on the, like, chariot?

[32:50] On the astro harness?

[32:51] Yeah.

[32:52] He's got his astro harness.

[32:54] Don't confuse him with Metron, who has his...

[32:57] I think it's called a Mobius chair.

[32:59] Uh-huh.

[33:00] But, like, those characters, I think, are so fun and so interesting and crazy.

[33:04] And they're like, well, DC doesn't really have that many interesting, like, big, giant threats.

[33:11] Even Superman's villains are mostly, like, just regular dudes who decide that they want to screw around with Superman.

[33:17] So, like, they decide to bring those in.

[33:19] And the mother box in the comics...

[33:21] This is me being super pedantic.

[33:22] The mother box in the comics is this kind of little computer that you carry around with you that is a positive thing and, like, is super powerful but helps you out.

[33:31] And Orion uses it to hide his hideously monstrous face and things like that.

[33:36] And instead, they've just kind of turned it into whatever.

[33:39] It's just some kind of crazy villain bomb thing.

[33:42] And there's a moment in one of the New Gods...

Dan McCoy

[33:44] But it also powers Cyborg in this, right?

Elliott Kalan

[33:47] Yes.

[33:47] And Cyborg has been created using some of this technology.

[33:51] Because his dad knows where one of the mother boxes is.

[33:54] But in the comics, there's this great moment in one of the New Gods comics where Light Ray and Orion are fighting a monster.

[34:00] And they find that it's being controlled by this kind of, like, this kind of organic brain thingy in a boat.

[34:07] And they say...

[34:09] And Orion goes, destroy it.

[34:10] And Light Ray goes, no, why should we destroy it when we can change it?

[34:14] And he uses powers to change it into a positive kind of cube thingy that's a good thing.

[34:19] And it's like...

[34:19] It's like the entirety of the New Gods line seems to be about, why should you destroy when you can create?

[34:28] And this movie seems to have taken the thing that one of those elements and turned it into just a tool for destruction in the hands of Steppenwolf.

[34:35] So I'm like, oh, movies.

[34:36] Like, you're shitting on, like, the philosophical underpinnings of these characters.

[34:41] It just...

[34:41] Anyway, it irritates me.

[34:42] I've always...

[34:43] I always wanted to write a New Gods movie.

[34:45] And now it's never going to happen.

[34:46] As if it was ever going to happen before.

[34:48] Yeah.

[34:48] Now it's really never going to happen.

[34:49] So I'm a little upset about it.

[34:51] You know who's also upset?

[34:53] The Amazons.

[34:54] Because who shows up?

[34:56] Steppenwolf.

[34:56] Yeah.

[34:56] The Amazons' mother box, the one they're holding, starts going cuckoo crazy.

[35:00] Steppenwolf shows up, takes it.

[35:02] The Queen of the Amazons leaves her warriors to die and runs off with the mother box.

[35:06] Doesn't help.

[35:07] Steppenwolf takes it anyway.

[35:08] And the Amazons hit a big signal.

[35:10] They light a big torch, which is a signal to Wonder Woman saying, hey, mother box trouble.

[35:17] But meanwhile, Lois Lane's having trouble.

[35:19] Getting back to work in the wake of the death of her lover slash superhero inspiration.

[35:25] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[35:26] Is this true?

[35:27] Because this is around the point where I started dozing off and I finished the second half of the movie the next day.

[35:33] Because I was like, you know what?

[35:35] I'm not absorbing things right now.

Elliott Kalan

[35:38] Yeah.

[35:38] No, this is a scene where Lois Lane is like, she's talking to Diane Lane.

[35:42] Okay.

[35:43] Who is not her mom, but Superman's mom.

[35:45] Yeah.

[35:46] Kind of weird.

[35:47] And tells her, oh, I'm having trouble getting back to work since Clark died.

[35:50] And this should be like, this should have been probably the best scene in the whole movie.

[35:54] But it just didn't quite work to me because it's, I don't know.

[35:59] It just didn't, it felt so false within the entirety of the film.

Stuart Wellington

[36:01] Lois Lane is much, is driven much like Wonder Woman by the loss of a man.

[36:07] Their only defining like thing is that they're both getting over the death of a dude.

Elliott Kalan

[36:13] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[36:15] Cyborg, he kind of without even trying taps into Batman's computers because the movie just needs him to.

[36:21] Yeah.

[36:21] And Wonder Woman shows up in the Batcave.

[36:24] She explains what the mother boxes are like Stuart did, but with much more bad CGI and much less like concision and clarity.

[36:34] Uh-huh.

[36:35] But what I like about it is she's like, she's like the men, the Atlanteans and the Amazons teamed up to stop Steppenwolf.

[36:41] And it's almost like the movie is telling you, look, this all happened before.

[36:44] We're just going to show you a short version of the movie within this movie.

[36:48] And then you're going to see it happen again.

Dan McCoy

[36:50] Yeah.

[36:51] And it's weird kind of that like, I mean, I guess that's why, I don't know, Batman doesn't know the story yet.

[36:59] So it's weird that Batman is like, I'm going to specifically recruit the exact people who defeated Steppenwolf before to defeat him again.

Elliott Kalan

[37:07] I think we're supposed to take it as like, it's a prophecy, you know, history rhymes, that kind of thing.

[37:12] But instead it comes off as laziness.

[37:15] Yeah.

[37:15] Like, it also, I feel like it also is the DC universe saying like, these are the races in the DC universe.

[37:21] There's people, there's Atlanteans, there's Amazons.

[37:23] That's it.

[37:24] Get used to it.

[37:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:26] And they kind of lay out that they now have to build a team.

[37:30] Like, they got to get the band together.

[37:34] Right?

[37:34] Yeah.

[37:34] They not even get the band back together.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] They never had a band.

[37:37] Yeah.

[37:38] So they have to go recruit the Flash.

[37:41] What if they got together the band from a band of outsiders?

[37:46] The Godard movie?

Dan McCoy

[37:47] So there'd just be like a bunch of jump cuts, I guess?

Elliott Kalan

[37:50] Yeah.

[37:50] And like Batman and Wonder Woman are just running around the Louvre to try to get around it as fast as possible.

[37:54] Okay.

[37:55] I mean.

[37:56] I guess that wouldn't be so hard for the Flash.

[37:57] He would just do that.

[37:58] Yeah.

[37:59] Probably a less successful movie financially, I would guess.

[38:02] You never know.

[38:03] Yeah.

[38:04] Probably.

[38:05] So Bruce Wayne goes to the Flash's kind of rave headquarters lab because the Flash hangs out at the place that all the Foot Clan kids did in the first Ninja Turtles movie.

[38:16] Like, he's just watching TVs and testing out his sick skateboard jumps.

Stuart Wellington

[38:21] Yeah, I remember seeing that in that Ninja Turtles movie and being like, this is what it's like to be a teenager.

[38:25] I bet.

[38:26] Yeah.

[38:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:29] I mean, for a guy who I guess is on the run all the time, he's got a pretty sick setup that looks like it, you know, he's really moved into this place.

Elliott Kalan

[38:38] What I like is he's got his costume set up on a mannequin in the middle of the room, which would be much harder to put on than if it was just on like a hook hanging from a wall.

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:48] And it means that when he's done stopping a crime, he has to come home, take off the costume, and then pull the sleeves over a mannequin's arms.

[38:57] Yeah.

[38:57] And then zip up the back.

[38:58] And then I guess have sex with the mannequin, I assume.

[39:01] I mean, why not?

[39:02] He got a mannequin.

Dan McCoy

[39:04] I guess when you're the Flash, like, it's a lot less, you put a lot less concern into, like, what takes time.

[39:11] I guess that's true.

[39:12] You're right.

[39:12] It would take him almost no time at all.

[39:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] I mean, but that's the question is, what is time to a being such as that?

[39:19] Yeah, that's true.

[39:19] Because, like, it still takes time.

[39:22] It's just, it would go so much faster for a regular human.

[39:25] But it still probably takes the same amount of time for him.

Dan McCoy

[39:28] Yeah.

[39:28] Elliot, does the Flash age more rapidly?

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Maybe.

[39:34] I didn't write this.

[39:36] What does the Speed Force do, Elliot?

[39:37] Explain the Speed Force.

[39:38] My understanding is that it does not, unless you are running in Crisis on Infinite Earths, and then the Flash runs until he dies in that one.

[39:47] But I don't think they age faster than normal.

[39:50] I could be wrong about that.

[39:51] He's certainly putting a lot of wear and tear on his ligaments.

[39:53] That's for sure.

[39:54] That's his real superpower.

[39:56] His ACLs must be incredibly invulnerable.

[39:58] Dan, you can speak to this.

Dan McCoy

[40:00] Well, actually, running doesn't stress the ACL, because it's a forward motion.

[40:04] It would be side-to-side motions that would be the real problem.

Elliott Kalan

[40:07] So you're saying when he does the electric slide really fast at weddings, that would hurt his ACL.

[40:12] Exactly.

[40:14] They do also, this is a thing that's been part of Flash for a while now.

Stuart Wellington

[40:17] If he does the cha-cha slide, is that okay, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[40:19] Well, what about that dance where it's like, to the left, to the left, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

[40:26] What about that one?

[40:27] That's the fucking cha-cha slide, dude.

[40:28] Oh, I didn't know.

[40:29] Okay, what about line dancing?

Dan McCoy

[40:32] Look, I'm not a fucking superhero dance expert.

[40:35] I don't understand.

[40:35] I mean, they're regular dances.

Elliott Kalan

[40:37] That isn't what you told me when we were dating.

[40:42] Okay, well...

[40:43] Were you just lying to impress me?

[40:44] Ali, we promised never to talk about this on the podcast.

[40:47] No, no, it's time to talk about it.

[40:49] Dan and I were in a relationship for quite some time.

[40:52] When he told me he was a superhero dance expert.

Dan McCoy

[40:54] You're feeling several weird fantasies right now.

Elliott Kalan

[40:59] He once told me, he's like, oh, you know, I taught all the Reavers, the X-Men villains, how to dance.

[41:05] And it took me a long time to remember, like, wait a minute, those guys don't have legs.

Stuart Wellington

[41:08] Nor are they technically superheroes.

Elliott Kalan

[41:11] That's true, too.

[41:12] They're just Australian.

[41:14] He's like, did I tell you that I taught Mojo how to dance?

[41:17] And only now I'm realizing, again, not a superhero has no legs.

[41:20] Dan, what?

[41:21] This is crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[41:22] Although, I will have to say, if Mojo danced, that would be huge ratings.

[41:26] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:27] Oh, he would maintain his hold on the Mojo-verse.

[41:30] Mm-hmm.

[41:31] So, anyway, I don't remember what we were talking about.

[41:35] But, oh, yeah.

[41:36] So, part of something that's been part of the Flash for a long time is that he has to eat a lot of junk food to get his calories up.

[41:41] Yeah.

[41:41] Because he burns calories.

[41:42] And that's the only nod to, like, the effects of running really fast all the time on a human body.

[41:48] Yeah.

[41:48] Everything else they just don't put much thought into.

[41:50] Okay, he enlists the Flash, who joins instantly.

[41:54] Cyborg reaches out to Wonder Woman through text on a computer screen.

[41:57] Because at that point, I guess he's remembering the old PBS show Ghost Rider, which Cyborg is about the right age to have watched when he was a kid.

[42:04] Yep.

[42:04] So, he's like, I'm going to be like my hero, Ghost Rider.

[42:07] And I'm going to talk to them through text on a computer screen.

[42:10] They meet up in the most deserted city in the world.

[42:15] But he's still too depressed about his powers to join.

[42:18] He's like, I don't know.

[42:18] I'm going to mope some more.

[42:19] Blah, blah, blah.

[42:22] Aquaman saves a fisherman in a storm.

[42:24] And the fisherman says he was attacked by a monster.

[42:27] Then Aquaman goes to Atlantis.

[42:30] Steppenwolf's there, trying to take a mother box.

[42:32] And we learn that Aquaman fails.

[42:35] Steppenwolf takes the box.

[42:36] And we learn Aquaman is a prince whose mom, the queen of Atlantis, abandoned him.

[42:40] And he's always been kind of like, wham, wham about it.

[42:43] Like, he's never gotten over it, you know.

Dan McCoy

[42:45] Uh-huh.

[42:46] That's why he's so jacked now.

[42:47] He's put all that energy into, you know, improving his body.

Elliott Kalan

[42:51] Yeah.

[42:51] I mean, it worked.

[42:54] Yeah.

[42:55] Yeah.

[42:56] I mean, you can't fault the results.

Dan McCoy

[42:57] He looks incredible, you know.

[42:59] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[42:59] What I also liked is, so Aquaman has this conversation with, I assume it's supposed to be Dolphin, another Atlantis character.

[43:09] But, uh, or.

[43:10] Mira?

[43:11] Or maybe it's Mira.

[43:12] It's Mira.

[43:13] You know what?

[43:13] It's probably not Dolphin.

[43:14] It's probably Mira.

[43:14] And, uh, they, uh, she creates kind of an air bubble around them underwater so they can talk, I think.

[43:20] Yeah.

[43:21] And it's like, so do the Atlanteans mostly speak through sign language?

[43:24] If, because water is also very good at carrying sound.

[43:28] Why did they have to go through the motions of doing that?

[43:31] It's a dumb movie.

[43:31] So, Steppenwolf, he has his own headquarters inside of, like, a Chernobyl cooling tower.

[43:38] And, uh, he monologues about how Superman's death made the world sad, and with the unity, he'll become a new god under Darkseid.

[43:45] He just mentions Darkseid for one moment.

[43:47] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] And he says new god, and I'm like, oh, I like the new gods.

[43:51] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[43:51] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[43:52] He's like, I will, yeah.

[43:53] And it's like, ugh, don't tease me.

[43:55] Like, don't tease me with the better thing this could have been.

[43:57] I could have seen Mr. Miracle and Big Bar to just bop it around.

[44:00] And I guess they're making a, uh, a new gods movie now, right?

[44:04] So, I think, isn't Ava DuVernay directing it?

[44:08] Oh, yeah.

[44:09] Okay.

[44:09] Yeah, I think I heard that.

[44:11] Uh, and so, the pan demons are, the pan demons.

[44:15] Pan demons are pan-fried demons.

[44:18] Uh, they're delicious.

Stuart Wellington

[44:19] Yeah, I mean, they're not as good for you as the steam demons, but, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[44:22] But they taste so much better, they're crispy.

[44:24] I know.

[44:25] That's what's great about them.

[44:25] That's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[44:26] Sometimes you just gotta be bad.

[44:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] Like a parademon, which are the real bad guys I should have mentioned.

[44:32] Okay.

[44:32] They're kidnapping scientists and bringing them to Steppenwolf's sewer tunnel that he's operating out of in America.

[44:39] And, uh, the, the parent, it's one of these things where it's like, Steppenwolf, he needs to find out where that mother box is.

[44:45] So, I guess he's gotta do some old shoe leather detective work and interrogate the, interrogate the suspects by kidnapping scientists.

[44:51] Mm-hmm.

[44:52] And the heroes show up and they're standing around talking while Steppenwolf literally snaps a man's neck and he won't answer a question.

[45:00] And I was like, these heroes are really taking their time.

[45:03] Like, they don't seem to have very much of a, like, uh, hurry about them.

[45:09] Uh, but then Steppenwolf threatens Cyborg's dad.

[45:12] So, they all jump in and fight Steppenwolf and his dudes.

[45:15] Flash is doubting his confidence, but he ends up saving a lot of people.

[45:18] Batman calls in a kind of ghost-in-the-shell spider tank that he can drive around in shooting things.

[45:23] Uh, and.

Stuart Wellington

[45:24] That's, which is my favorite thing about Batman as a character is that he drives around in a giant tank.

Elliott Kalan

[45:30] There's a scene later where Batman steals a parademons laser gun and is just using it to shoot parademons to death.

[45:36] And I was like, what the heck, like, what the fuck is this?

[45:39] Like, that Batman is using a gun to shoot anything is crazy to me.

[45:44] Like.

[45:45] I mean, he's the world's greatest detective.

Dan McCoy

[45:47] But.

[45:48] Yeah.

[45:48] So, he solved the mystery of what to do with a laser.

[45:51] But these are, like, demon creatures.

[45:53] I mean, they're not, like, I don't know.

[45:56] It doesn't bother me as much as.

[45:57] There are other movies where Batman actually just shoots people and you're like, wait, whoa, movie, come on.

Elliott Kalan

[46:03] Like in Batman Returns when machine, when there's, uh, car-mounted machine guns that pop out and he's just shooting headshots at them.

Dan McCoy

[46:08] And he just, like, dropped the bomb into the sewers one time, you know.

[46:14] That's a little weird.

Elliott Kalan

[46:15] Batman has a lot of missiles and things like this.

[46:17] So, this is one of the many DC movie action sequences that take place in a dark tunnel.

[46:21] Because, again, heroes are there to inspire us.

[46:24] Uh, the heroes have to escape because Stefan will, Stefan will floods the tunnel.

[46:28] Aquaman shows up and somehow uses his trident to hold the water back.

[46:31] Uh-huh.

[46:32] Which doesn't, I, I never really understood.

Stuart Wellington

[46:34] I think that's a power of his trident, right?

[46:36] Is that it's a magic trident?

[46:38] Yeah, is it?

[46:40] I think so.

[46:41] I mean, it's probably magic.

[46:42] He fights against that other magic weapon with it.

[46:45] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] Okay, that's true.

[46:46] Okay.

[46:47] Maybe I'm just not remembering that he has a magic water-controlling trident.

[46:50] Or what an old-timey prospector would call the divining rod.

[46:54] Uh-huh.

[46:55] Which means the Aquaman, I assume, takes the trident, holds it by its prongs, and just uses it to find a place he can dig a well.

Stuart Wellington

[47:01] Mm-hmm.

[47:01] Or he just uses it to grift, uh, homesteaders out of money.

[47:06] That too, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:13] Hey, everyone.

[47:14] We ran into some technical difficulties this week with Elliot's audio track.

[47:19] So, at this point, we're going to switch over to the backup track we recorded that just recorded the Skype call.

[47:26] Apologies, the audio is a lot worse.

[47:29] I won't sugarcoat it.

[47:32] Because we had to use the internal microphones when we were doing the backup track rather than our regular microphones.

[47:38] But, if you're a fan, I think it's totally listenable.

[47:42] If you're angry at the audio, believe it.

[47:45] We are too.

[47:47] Sorry that we had to do this, but we thought it would be better to put out a half good show than no show at all.

[47:53] So, I hope that you enjoy the rest of the show and don't get too frustrated with the change in audio quality.

[48:01] Thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[48:02] So, Aquaman is just an old-fashioned rainmaker?

[48:04] Yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[48:05] I mean, Aquaman's got to eat.

Elliott Kalan

[48:10] But he's got so many fish.

[48:12] Batman keeps saying, you talk to fish, right?

[48:14] And eventually he says, the water talks.

[48:16] And I was like, okay, I kind of like that response.

Stuart Wellington

[48:18] But, I mean, that shit is the epitome of these movies where they clearly are like, Aquaman's pretty lame, right?

Dan McCoy

[48:27] Let's try and like...

[48:28] Let's hang a lampshade on it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:29] Yeah, let's hang a lampshade on the lame parts, but also make him cool.

Elliott Kalan

[48:34] Yeah.

[48:34] It's like, well, let's call out the shitty things as opposed to making them cool.

[48:38] Because, frankly, you could do a really cool sequence where Aquaman mind-melts with a shark to find out information or something like that.

[48:45] Yeah.

[48:45] Like, that would be really cool.

[48:47] Instead, they make him kind of like a Dersu Uzala kind of like man of nature.

[48:53] Who speaks to the spirits of the soil and the water and the wind and things like that.

[48:58] But who also loves to chug a pint and just throw down to some thin Lizzie.

[49:03] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:05] And then anytime anything good happens, it's got to cut to him so he can say something cool like,

[49:10] Yeah!

Dan McCoy

[49:12] My man!

[49:15] Booyah!

Stuart Wellington

[49:16] Take that one to heart!

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] You know that Aquaman 20 years ago went through a real like pop ska phase where he was just like...

[49:25] Sure.

[49:25] He was always dressing up in suits and stuff and he was going to like real Big Fish and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy concerts.

[49:31] Like, yeah!

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] Oh, yeah!

[49:33] And my favorite one, the Cherry Pop and Dannys.

[49:36] All right, I mean...

Elliott Kalan

[49:37] Yeah.

[49:38] Dan's band, the Cherry Pop and Dannys.

Dan McCoy

[49:40] Yep.

[49:40] It's more of a swing revival, man.

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] Very close.

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] Those...

[49:45] The swing revival and like pop ska were very, very closely related siblings.

[49:51] Yeah.

[49:51] But, uh...

[49:53] I just want to say...

[49:53] Most of them called brass.

[49:54] In a way, brass should not be used.

[49:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:57] Aquaman, I think...

[49:59] I don't know what you guys think.

[50:00] Aquaman is easily the most irritating worst of the superheroes shown in this movie.

[50:06] And he, of course, is the one who's getting a solo movie coming up soon.

[50:11] Yeah.

[50:11] Oh, I don't know.

[50:12] I found the Flash pretty irritating, too.

[50:13] Really?

[50:14] Yeah.

[50:14] I could see you finding the Flash irritating knowing what I know of your, like, feelings about...

[50:19] About comedy and stuff.

[50:21] But I found it sort of...

[50:22] About the Big Bang Theory?

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] There's a lot of scenes where the Flash is like...

[50:25] It's just...

[50:26] He's...

[50:26] I mean, just stopping to quip in a way that was...

[50:29] It's just like...

[50:31] And throw to...

[50:32] Scared nerd joke.

[50:33] And throw to...

[50:34] Guys who's uncomfortable around women.

[50:36] Stuff like that.

Dan McCoy

[50:37] Yeah.

[50:37] I found him mostly endearing.

[50:39] I mean, I guess I liked him because...

[50:41] At least there was some attempt at levity in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[50:44] And...

[50:45] I will say...

[50:45] It doesn't help the movie that...

[50:48] With the CW Flash show...

[50:51] Yeah.

[50:51] He already has a very serviceable Flash actor.

[50:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:54] I think it's very strange that you have...

[50:56] So those shows don't take place in the same universe as the movie.

[50:59] Right?

[50:59] No.

[51:00] No.

[51:00] They must not...

[51:01] I thought it was very strange to have a different Flash.

[51:03] I do like the guy who plays the Flash.

[51:05] Ezra Miller?

[51:06] He does a fine...

[51:06] He does a fine job with a character I don't like.

Stuart Wellington

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:09] I mean...

[51:10] And yeah.

[51:10] He's a decent actor.

[51:11] I like the...

[51:12] I like that kid in that...

[51:13] That Fantastic Beasts movie.

[51:15] Huh?

[51:17] The Fantastic Four?

[51:19] Yeah.

[51:20] I mean, I guess they're beasts.

[51:21] They have magic powers.

[51:23] They got them from a wizard, right?

[51:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:25] There's a monster manual.

Dan McCoy

[51:26] Classifies them as beasts.

Elliott Kalan

[51:28] They got their powers from Mr. Wizard, a.k.a. Science.

[51:33] So this is when the movie...

[51:36] So Cyborg says, oh, I have the last mother box.

[51:40] And he gives them a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo about it destroys as it creates and a whole lot of nonsense.

[51:45] All that hargo-bargo garbage that these movies traffic in.

[51:49] And the Marvel movies have plenty of it, too.

[51:51] And they somehow take this to mean, hey, I bet if we put Superman in that goop that was in his spaceship, take his dead body, put it in the goop, stick a mother box in there, and then jazz it with electricity, we could probably bring Superman back to life because he's such an amazing inspiration.

[52:07] And they spend so little time debating the idea of bringing their friend back to life with magic alien technology.

[52:14] And none of them ever really questions, wait, is that something we can do?

[52:19] Like, they all just take it for granted.

[52:21] Yeah.

[52:21] They're like, hey, you know what's one of the moves that we have on the table right now?

[52:25] Is using this magic box to bring Superman back to life because he's dead now.

[52:30] And you know what?

[52:32] I'm just going to put it out there.

[52:33] Let's do that.

[52:33] And they're like, should we?

[52:35] Yeah, I guess we have to.

[52:36] They jump to the craziest possible solution with the least amount of time or energy to get there.

[52:43] Like, it's nuts.

Stuart Wellington

[52:44] If they could do that with Superman, why don't they just do that with everyone on the planet forever?

Dan McCoy

[52:51] Well, not your end of these.

[52:53] I mean, that's the Star Trek Into Darkness problem where they solve death.

Stuart Wellington

[52:58] Yeah, why don't they solve death?

[52:59] I mean, it's similar to the argument of, spoiler alert for Avengers Infinity War, just go la la la la la.

[53:06] People are, there's a common argument of like, if he could do anything with that magic thing that's ill-defined,

[53:12] why doesn't he, instead of killing off half the universe, why doesn't he make twice as much resources?

[53:19] Yeah.

[53:20] And what about that?

Elliott Kalan

[53:22] Yeah, what about that, Thanos?

[53:23] Well, we'll find out later on the show when I bring Thanos on and put his feet to the fire.

[53:28] On my new show, Elliot Halen rules the fictional.

Stuart Wellington

[53:30] But it's the same sort of thing where you introduce a magic thing and then you're like, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:37] Here's the one limited use we're going to make of this magic thing.

[53:41] Yeah.

[53:41] Basically.

[53:43] What's like in a, well, I don't know.

[53:46] That was a great example, Stuart.

[53:47] I don't know why I'm trying to come up with another one.

[53:49] Anyway, cut to Cyborg and Flash literally by hand digging up Superman's corpse.

[53:55] And they kind of bond a little in that moment.

[53:56] And there's a moment where Flash's shovel makes a thud as it hits the lid of a coffin and he has a look on his face like, what?

[54:03] Like, kind of shocked, surprised.

[54:05] He's like, dude, you're digging up a fucking corpse.

[54:07] Like, what did you expect to find down there?

[54:10] What is, it was this very weirdly like not a reaction that made sense in that moment.

Stuart Wellington

[54:14] And it's, it's, it's, it's him and Cyborg digging it, digging it up, right?

[54:19] Yes.

[54:19] So why didn't they have, why didn't they have Aquaman whose weapon basically looks like a shovel?

Elliott Kalan

[54:25] Or why didn't Cyborg?

[54:26] I don't think he didn't get much digging done with a trident.

Stuart Wellington

[54:28] Why didn't, well, I mean, he could just spear the ground like a big fork and then.

[54:32] Have you, no.

Elliott Kalan

[54:33] Have you ever tried to eat like really loose rice with a fork?

[54:36] It doesn't work that great.

[54:38] And then why didn't Cyborg turn his arms into like a giant steam shovel or something?

[54:42] Well, the real question is, why didn't the Flash dig it up with super speed?

[54:45] Why has he taken his time shoveled, shoveled, uh.

[54:48] I think he explains it, but I wasn't paying that close attention.

[54:51] Oh, maybe he doesn't.

[54:52] He's like, I'm tired.

Dan McCoy

[54:55] They never, they never really showed Superman's corpse, by the way, which is, I, I, I couldn't help wondering.

[55:00] Very tasteful.

[55:02] I couldn't help wondering what condition he was in.

[55:06] Like, I would have like, they mentioned that his cells don't degrade.

[55:09] Oh, okay.

[55:10] Well, then why didn't they just show him?

[55:11] Because I kept picturing him as being like, rotted before they put him in the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:17] He was like a skeleton in a Superman costume.

[55:19] Yeah, exactly.

[55:20] Like in that, that, the cover of that one Panic in the Sky issue.

[55:23] Uh, I, I would have thought that if they, if they brought him back and then you see like

[55:28] his, his skin regrowing over him and his muscles and things, that'd be pretty cool.

[55:32] Yeah.

[55:33] And then like, uh, just like all the parts, all the fleshy parts of his body growing back.

[55:37] Anyway, they don't do that.

Stuart Wellington

[55:39] So they stick him in some dupe and they Frankenstein him back to life.

Elliott Kalan

[55:43] They Frankenstein him back to life.

[55:44] And it basically just comes down to zapping him with electricity with a mother box until

[55:48] he comes back to life.

[55:49] But he's all, he's, to be fair to him, he's been through the trauma of dying, coming back

[55:54] to life.

[55:55] And he just starts fighting all of them.

[55:56] And this was the moment where I was like, instead of a fight, I wish that it was like they

[56:01] had to reteach him how to use the bathroom and stuff like that.

[56:04] Like it was just really intense physical therapy that they put him through.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] The movie just turns into regarding Henry all of a sudden.

Elliott Kalan

[56:11] Yeah.

[56:12] He learns the wonder of dance and finally has a, has a lively relationship with his wife.

[56:17] And anyway, uh, it's Ritz crackers.

[56:20] Sorry.

[56:21] The weird thing is, yeah.

[56:22] The weird thing is Superman seems to remember them, but he's still being an asshole to them.

[56:27] Like he's really mad, but I could, it like, he's, he sees Batman and he's like, you won't

[56:32] let me live.

[56:33] You won't let me die.

[56:34] And, uh, he goes, the world needs you.

[56:37] And Superman goes, yeah, but does it need you?

[56:38] And it's like, unless Superman is a brain damaged zombie, it's hard for me to buy him remembering

[56:45] his previous life and being like, I should probably kill Batman out of anger right now.

[56:49] But I guess the movie, this series, the movie series, Superman is just a much more volatile

[56:53] character.

[56:54] He's much more like Robert De Niro in, uh, this boy's life than he is the Superman we

[56:59] know from the comics.

Stuart Wellington

[57:00] I think, I think it's called This Bug's Life.

Elliott Kalan

[57:04] Oh, that's right.

[57:05] About This Bug's Life about the aunt who has the abusive stepdad.

[57:08] Yeah.

[57:12] Uh, but then Batman brings out the big guns.

[57:15] Lois shows up.

[57:16] And as soon as Superman sees Lois, he's like, oh, I'm fine now.

[57:19] It's okay.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] He's like, busted.

[57:21] Well, the power of love by Hulu's in the news starts playing.

[57:25] Because that's the power of love, guys.

[57:26] I wish.

Dan McCoy

[57:26] That would have been amazing.

[57:27] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[57:28] And, uh, and, but then, and meanwhile, in the background, while they're fighting Superman,

[57:34] Steppenwolf just sneaks in and takes the box and leaves.

Dan McCoy

[57:36] Yeah, I was gonna say that.

[57:38] It seems like their energy would have been better served protecting the final box than,

[57:43] uh, doing this harebrained scheme.

Elliott Kalan

[57:46] No, they don't do that.

[57:48] Yeah.

[57:48] Uh, Wonder Woman has a crisis.

[57:50] She says, I can't, you've always wanted me to lead the team, but I can't lead people and

[57:54] send them into harm.

[57:55] That's how I lost Steve Treasure, Trevor.

[57:57] And I had this moment where I was like, did Batman ever ask her to lead the team?

[58:01] Because Batman's been pretty much acting as the leader the whole time.

[58:04] Like, it's this very weird, I felt either a scene was cut or Wonder Woman is just one

[58:08] of those people who's like, obviously I should be in charge, but I know you guys are too

[58:13] afraid to say it.

[58:14] I mean, I think she's.

[58:15] I'll just take charge.

Stuart Wellington

[58:16] Is she the oldest?

[58:18] I mean, she, she's definitely the oldest.

Elliott Kalan

[58:20] She's a hundred years old.

Dan McCoy

[58:21] I mean, how old's Aquaman?

[58:24] I mean, Aquaman can't lead anything.

[58:26] Aquaman is, like, he spends half his time in like a whiskey coma, Aquaman.

Stuart Wellington

[58:31] Yeah, he's, uh, he's like a Michelangelo.

[58:33] Michelangelo doesn't lead.

[58:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:36] He's a part of you.

[58:37] And doesn't want to.

[58:38] Yeah.

[58:38] He doesn't want the responsibility.

[58:40] Raph, he wants to lead, but he knows that really he doesn't have the temperament for

[58:43] it.

[58:43] Leonardo, he doesn't ultimately want to lead either, but he knows he has the responsibility

[58:48] because he has the skills.

Stuart Wellington

[58:49] He also doesn't have any defining traits other than that.

[58:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:53] And Donatello, look, Donatello's just trying to get through technical college so that he

[58:57] can get a job as an engineer, finally work his way out of the sewers.

[59:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:01] I would like to think that he would work his way out of the sewers only to get a job designing

[59:05] sewers to make them better and more habitable.

[59:09] Mm-hmm.

[59:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:10] He's talking to the mayor.

[59:12] The problem with your sewer system is it's not really a good place for people to live.

Elliott Kalan

[59:18] Donatello, people said I was crazy when I placed a teenager, not just a mutant turtle,

[59:23] a ninja.

[59:23] Let's set that aside.

[59:24] I'm not a teenager at the head of the sewer rebuilding project, but I'm looking through

[59:29] the line item here on the budget.

[59:30] And it says there's a lot of money here for softer couches and a big screen TV.

Stuart Wellington

[59:36] Why are there so many half pipes when we need full pipes for a sewer?

Elliott Kalan

[59:41] Now, don't you think it would affect the proper working of these sewers if there was a brick

[59:46] oven pizza at the making restaurant and basically every juncture between different pipes?

[59:53] Can you explain this to me?

[59:54] Because the city council is really breathing down my neck.

[59:56] Again, I put a lot on the line by hiring a teenager to do this work, let alone, as I said,

[1:00:00] a naked turtle man who always carries around a bow staff like he's looking for a fight.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:07] Yeah.

[1:00:07] No, yeah, this won't work.

[1:00:10] This is untenable.

[1:00:11] Dan, are you tired of the bit?

[1:00:12] Yeah, a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:14] Oh, I haven't even done the part where he's like, Donatello, can we at least meet with

[1:00:17] your mask off?

[1:00:18] Because frankly, I don't know that it's not one of your brothers wearing your mask in a

[1:00:21] kind of weird dead ringer scenario so you can all date April O'Neil.

[1:00:25] Again, the fact that you are so closely connected with the plot of Nature News.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:31] Wait, is that the plot of dead ringers?

[1:00:33] Is that all these people are trying to date April O'Neil?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:36] Yep, you guessed it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:37] Okay, I get it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:39] I'm just saying it's a conflict of interest that you have such a close relationship with

[1:00:42] the media in this town.

[1:00:44] Donatello, I'm going to have to ask for you to resign your position.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:47] And Donatello's like, oh no, this is going to the courts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:50] I get it.

[1:00:50] And that's what Show Me a Hero is about, right?

[1:00:53] I think so.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:55] I mean, I didn't get through it, so it's probably, it's possible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:59] I'm just, Oscar Isaac plays Donatello, right?

[1:01:01] Very loosely based because he has a mustache.

[1:01:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:04] They had to digitally alter the mustache to make it more like Donatello's face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:10] So Superman, knowing that there's a monster man out there who's trying to stop, destroy the

[1:01:15] world, goes to his family farm and just kind of touches corn stalks for a while.

[1:01:20] And Lois convinces him that the world needs him.

[1:01:23] Lois says, what was it like being dead?

[1:01:24] And he says, it was weird and confusing.

[1:01:28] So it's like, does he have a memory of being dead?

[1:01:31] At this point, it's also, it's like, okay, Steppenwolf aside, Clark Kent can now tell

[1:01:36] us what lies beyond the veil.

[1:01:38] Like, where do we go when we die?

[1:01:40] This is such a much bigger issue than whether we can get these mother boxes apart.

[1:01:46] Steppenwolf, he puts the boxes together and makes the unity, further destroys the area

[1:01:49] around Chernobyl, which I felt like was really rubbing it in.

[1:01:52] Insult to injury, you know.

[1:01:54] Aquaman has a little speech about his feelings because it turns out he's holding Wonder Woman's

[1:01:58] lasso for some reason.

[1:02:00] The heroes go to Russia.

[1:02:02] Batman goes off with his Batplane to knock out the Shield Dome because, of course, in

[1:02:07] this movie, there's a scene where someone has to fly a plane to stop a shield or something.

[1:02:12] The characters, he kind of knows.

[1:02:15] He's like, I know that the Shield Dome is being created by those things over there, even

[1:02:19] though this is like alien technology we've never seen before.

[1:02:22] Batman uses, what, like, is it a sound or a fear spray or something to lure the

[1:02:27] parademons away from the shield?

[1:02:30] Oh, okay.

[1:02:30] Thus creating an opening for the heroes to go in and stop Steppenwolf.

[1:02:33] Do the heroes do that?

[1:02:34] No.

[1:02:35] They jump in and fight parademons to help out Batman.

[1:02:38] And it's like, I wish Batman was going like, strategy, guys.

[1:02:41] Strategy.

[1:02:42] Like, I did this for a reason.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:43] Yeah.

[1:02:44] Go in and stop him.

[1:02:45] But friendship is stronger than strategy, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:48] I guess that's what it is.

[1:02:50] The same way that it bothered me in Black Panther when they sent out the foot soldiers, the bad

[1:02:55] guys, and then sent out their big machines.

[1:02:57] That's not how you do that.

[1:02:58] Soften up the opposing force with your artillery and your armored stuff.

[1:03:01] Then you send in your foot soldiers.

[1:03:03] Anyway, come on.

[1:03:04] So, Black Panther, can you redo that scene for me?

[1:03:06] Thanks very much.

[1:03:09] Steppenwolf is fighting these guys.

[1:03:12] They jump in to fight him.

[1:03:13] Cyborg's doing some nonsense to separate the boxes.

[1:03:15] Flash is fighting demons.

[1:03:17] Wonder Woman's fighting Steppenwolf.

[1:03:18] Batman joins in with his laser gun, which I did not like.

[1:03:21] Fighting, fighting, fighting.

[1:03:22] There's this one Russian family we've been stopping in with throughout the movie to see how they're

[1:03:27] dealing with the parademon threat.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:30] It really helps contextualize this whole struggle.

[1:03:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:37] This is the point in the movie, by the way, in which I lost all interest, because it's

[1:03:40] just a big CGI battle.

[1:03:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:43] It is so boring.

[1:03:44] It's so boring.

[1:03:45] There's no sense of how...

[1:03:47] It reminded me a little bit of the big battle at the end of Force Awakens, where I was like,

[1:03:52] I don't know how many times they're going to have to swoop down on this Death Star.

[1:03:55] I don't care.

[1:03:56] Like, it's...

[1:03:57] I don't know what the status is.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:59] I don't know how hard towards their goal they are.

[1:04:01] That is a hot take from Elliot Kalin knocking Star Wars.

[1:04:05] He's like, too much diversity, says Elliot Kalin.

[1:04:08] Too much what?

[1:04:09] Too much diversity.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] I didn't like that these women are the heroes now.

[1:04:14] No.

[1:04:15] I like the first half of that.

[1:04:16] The new characters?

[1:04:18] Loved them.

[1:04:18] New situations?

[1:04:19] Great.

[1:04:20] The minute they got to the space cantina...

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:22] Oh, I don't need this.

[1:04:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:24] Well, the minute they got to the space cantina, I was like, wait a minute.

[1:04:27] I saw this in Star Wars.

[1:04:29] And they were like, guess what, guys?

[1:04:31] We've got a threat.

[1:04:32] It's the size of a planet, and it can blow up planets.

[1:04:35] We're going to have to swoop down in X-Wings and stop it.

[1:04:37] And I was like, oh, like in the movie Star Wars?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:39] I mean, the movie does make a joke about that, though, right?

[1:04:44] It does.

[1:04:44] It's a good excuse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:47] But the same way that in this movie they're like, Aquaman, you talk to fish, right?

[1:04:50] It's like making a joke about the problem doesn't diffuse the problem.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:55] By the way, Screenwriting 101, if you make jokes about him talking to fish,

[1:04:59] you need to have a fish show up at the end and save them.

[1:05:02] And then they're like, thanks, dude.

[1:05:04] And then he gives the fish a fucking thumbs up.

[1:05:07] Yeah, it's check off the fish.

[1:05:08] Yeah, Sharky the Tuna shows up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] As Jabberjaw shows up.

[1:05:12] Hey, guys, what's up?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:13] He plays drums on Steppenwolf's helmet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:20] I'll stop you, Steppenwolf, boy.

[1:05:23] And I'll say that, you know what?

[1:05:26] I'll give credit to J.J. Abrams for this.

[1:05:27] I think he had about a week to write that script,

[1:05:29] so I totally understand why he had to just rip off the end of the first Star Wars movie.

[1:05:34] I don't blame him.

[1:05:35] He had no time to write it.

[1:05:36] Anyway, so Steppenwolf says a lot of nonsense about,

[1:05:40] throughout the movie he's also about how the unity is the mother of monsters

[1:05:43] and power is the only law and all this garbage.

[1:05:46] Superman shows up.

[1:05:48] He says something about, like, power is the only law.

[1:05:53] That's the truth.

[1:05:53] You won't see it.

[1:05:54] Superman goes, I don't know.

[1:05:56] I've always been a big fan of truth, but I'm also a big fan of justice.

[1:06:00] And then punches Steppenwolf, and it was, like, lame.

[1:06:03] That was super lame.

[1:06:05] Yeah.

[1:06:06] Superman punches Steppenwolf once, then goes off to save civilians, which is Flash's job.

[1:06:11] He's like, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, you were having trouble defeating the big bad guy,

[1:06:15] and you brought me back to life so I could do it.

[1:06:17] I'm just going to go help out Flash with the easy stuff.

[1:06:19] You take care of it.

[1:06:21] But suddenly they're strong enough to beat up Steppenwolf, I guess, because Superman inspired them.

[1:06:26] Superman and Cyborg separate the boxes.

[1:06:28] There's a big power surge they've been warning about that isn't really that bad.

[1:06:31] It just knocks Superman over.

[1:06:33] And Batman is able to protect himself from the power surge by putting his arm in front of his face.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:39] Yep.

[1:06:41] He's hiding his identity.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:44] They're like, when we remove these boxes, they're going to be blowback major.

[1:06:48] All right.

[1:06:48] Let's get used to it.

[1:06:49] And Batman's just kind of like, he does exactly what you do if the sun was a little brighter than you thought it would be

[1:06:53] when you walked out of the ophthalmologist after having your pupils dilated.

[1:06:56] That's about enough to stop the power surge from hurting him.

[1:07:00] Yeah.

[1:07:00] They finish beating up Steppenwolf, and Steppenwolf is afraid now.

[1:07:03] He's like, what?

[1:07:04] This can't be.

[1:07:05] No.

[1:07:05] And the parademons sense his fear and swarm him and eat him until a boom tube takes him away.

[1:07:11] Here's another problem.

[1:07:12] The boom tubes, they don't boom.

[1:07:14] They don't make boom noises.

[1:07:16] There's never a boom.

[1:07:16] That is too bad.

[1:07:17] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:17] It also sounds like boom tube, so that's weird.

[1:07:21] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:21] I mean, yeah, but that's the name of the thing in the comics, though, Dan.

[1:07:23] You've got to stick to the source material.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:26] I mean, if you're not going to take advantage to have a dimensional portal called a boom tube

[1:07:29] that makes a big boom when it shows up, why are you making this movie?

[1:07:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:33] Why even bother?

[1:07:33] Were they worried that it was going to sound too much like the, what do you want to call

[1:07:38] it?

[1:07:38] The Bifrost in the Thor movies?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:41] Oh, maybe.

[1:07:42] Because that makes a big boom.

[1:07:44] It's the same way that if you're going to make an Aquaman movie and you're not going

[1:07:47] to have him talk to fish, what are we doing here?

[1:07:49] Why are we bothering?

[1:07:50] What's the, because without talking to fish, he's just Namor, a much better character because

[1:07:54] Namor is an asshole.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:56] Yeah.

[1:07:56] Yeah, and he's in love with Sue Storm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:59] Yeah, and he's always trying to steal a married woman away from the smartest man in the Marvel

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:03] universe.

[1:08:03] I love that stuff so much.

[1:08:09] Maybe it's just due to my love of cuck fantasies.

[1:08:12] Oh, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:14] Oh, well, Reed Richards is on his way to being the ultimate beta cuck, which is weird because

[1:08:18] he should be.

[1:08:19] He's defeated Dr. Doom so many times.

[1:08:21] He's the ultimate alpha male, but he's kind of an alpha cuck.

[1:08:24] Is that possible?

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:25] I think we've said that too many times.

[1:08:27] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:28] Anyway, they stop Steppenwolf.

[1:08:31] The world's been saved.

[1:08:33] Bruce saves Clark's home by buying the bank that was foreclosing on it.

[1:08:37] He doesn't give him the money to just take it away, to get his home back.

[1:08:41] Instead, he buys the bank because now it's like Bruce is saying to Superman, I own you.

[1:08:46] If you don't do what I tell you, your mom's going to be out on the streets.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:50] I love it too because it's like, why didn't he just do it before?

[1:08:55] Why didn't he just help her out after he helped get her son killed?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:01] Yeah, it's true.

[1:09:02] Why didn't he step in now?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:03] And when they're helping take all the furniture back into the house, he's talking to Superman,

[1:09:12] and I swear that Batman says, I did a mistake.

[1:09:18] When Superman's like, thanks for doing this.

[1:09:19] Bruce is like, I did a mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:22] Oh, that was great.

[1:09:23] Well, I mean, Bruce is, for all that Bruce Wayne is the world's greatest detective and

[1:09:26] all that, he is inbred old money, I have to assume.

[1:09:30] Like, if you look at Donald Trump's kids, they're not the brightest kids.

[1:09:34] Like, if you look at Jared Kushner, he's not a very bright man.

[1:09:37] If you inherit wealth, you aren't always the brightest bulb in the bunch.

[1:09:42] It's like, they always present Batman as pretending to be like, as Bruce Wayne, I'm going to pretend

[1:09:47] to be this idiot playboy who doesn't understand his business.

[1:09:49] I think that's just him.

[1:09:51] And the one thing he's able to do is have Alfred do a lot of fun.

[1:09:55] Like, Alfred is brilliant, and Alfred's able to solve crimes for him and things like that.

[1:09:59] That's an interesting take.

[1:10:01] That's my hot take.

[1:10:02] Bruce Wayne is like an idiot rich kid who really got into MMA, and that's why he's super buff,

[1:10:08] because he's a gym rat.

[1:10:09] And Alfred is the one who does all the, like, smarty pants stuff.

[1:10:13] And that's why Batman has, like, a bat plane and a bat car and all this other shit, because

[1:10:18] he's just got to, like, show off all his stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:20] Oh, wow, Elliot.

[1:10:20] I just got a text from Warner Brothers.

[1:10:23] They like your take on Batman and want you to make a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:28] Oh, boy.

[1:10:29] Okay, I guess so.

[1:10:31] So now we're at the end of the movie.

[1:10:33] Lois has a little monologue about how the Justice—and Bruce buys a, like, Justice League clubhouse

[1:10:39] mansion.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:40] Now, is this monologue meant to be an article she's writing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:45] I have to assume so.

[1:10:46] This is her—she is—now that Superman's back, she can go back to work.

[1:10:50] She's inspired again.

[1:10:51] So she's writing her first return column.

[1:10:53] And it's all about how hope is real.

[1:10:55] And it's like, really?

[1:10:57] Because the movie we just saw, it was a grim fable about the futility of hope.

[1:11:03] And that even the relief of death is not enough to save you from Batman dragging your ass back

[1:11:08] into this veil of tears so that you can fight a big CGI guy with antlers on his helmet.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:13] I also feel like throughout basically all Superman movies, Lois Lane's only job is to write

[1:11:19] editorials about hope.

[1:11:21] That's all she does at the Daily Planet.

[1:11:23] Or Superman.

[1:11:24] Yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:26] And so the movie ends.

[1:11:28] Then there's a credit scene.

[1:11:29] Flash and Superman are going to race each other.

[1:11:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:33] Then there's the post-credit scene where Lex Luthor, who has escaped jail by replacing

[1:11:38] himself with a different bald man, is surely the least interesting escape plot I've ever

[1:11:45] seen in a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:49] It's an indictment of the way we look at bald men.

[1:11:51] I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:53] I guess so.

[1:11:56] Lex Luthor is now on a yacht flying the Dutch flag, and Deathstroke the Terminator shows up.

[1:12:03] And Lex Luthor says...

[1:12:03] That's two cool names.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:04] That's too many cool names in one name.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:07] Too many.

[1:12:07] And his real name is, what, Slade Wilson?

[1:12:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:12:10] So, too many cool names.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:12] Do you think he's angry that the parody character of him has become much more famous and popular?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:18] Oh, has to be.

[1:12:20] Yeah.

[1:12:20] Has to be.

[1:12:20] That Wade Wilson, Deadpool, is now starring in his second hit film.

[1:12:25] Yeah.

[1:12:25] And Deathstroke is, at best, a villain in, what, the Flash TV show?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:30] It was the Arrow TV show.

[1:12:32] Oh, in Arrow?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:33] The Arrow TV show?

[1:12:34] And is now being set up to be, like, one of just a team of guys?

[1:12:38] Because Lex says, isn't it time we had a league of our own?

[1:12:41] With seeming no irony, there's a movie called A League of Our Own.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:45] We already have a league of our own.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:47] Which is, and I wish, I want to see that scene continue where Deathstroke goes, what, like, lady baseball players?

[1:12:54] And Lex is like, what?

[1:12:56] It's like, the movie, A League of Our Own.

[1:12:58] Lex is like, I don't know, that was before I was born.

[1:13:00] And Deathstroke's like, seriously?

[1:13:02] How young are you, kid?

[1:13:03] Like, that movie's not that old.

[1:13:05] And Deathstroke looks it up on his phone and is like, shit, that was, like, 25 years ago.

[1:13:10] Oh, you're making me feel old, man.

[1:13:12] Forget it.

[1:13:13] I gotta go.

[1:13:14] Yeah.

[1:13:15] That's the scene I want to see.

[1:13:16] But, uh, so that's, and so it's setting up, I guess, Justice League 2, Justice League versus the World Crime League.

[1:13:23] Is that what the...

[1:13:24] Featuring Buckaroo Banzai.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:25] Yeah, what's the, what's the bad guy team called?

[1:13:29] Is there a bad guy team?

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:30] It's called the Injustice League, I think.

[1:13:32] Right?

[1:13:32] Oh, no, it's the, uh, yeah, it's the Injustice League, and they're at the, uh, the, what's the name of their, their, their place?

[1:13:39] At the White House, am I right, guys?

[1:13:40] In a swamp.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:42] What?

[1:13:42] Nothing.

[1:13:44] Just go on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:45] But now I'm wondering, like, are they, who else is gonna be in this team?

[1:13:48] Cause, like, the DC Universe is not full of cool, great villains.

[1:13:52] They're gonna have to introduce a bunch of them.

[1:13:53] And if one of them is Solomon Grundy, everything is forgiven, DC Universe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:58] Well, uh, a friend of mine sent me a message to confirm additional, uh, Cold-based DC villains.

[1:14:06] So the team would, of course, have Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold, Killer Frost, who is a character, Icicle and Icicle Jr.

[1:14:15] I was wrong.

[1:14:17] So, yeah, that's five.

[1:14:19] There'd be five Cold-based villains in the team, they're called the Frosty League, or the Just Ice League in this case.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:24] And they're like, Lex, I don't want to tell you how to run your league, but maybe you want to diversify?

[1:14:28] Good, then don't.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:29] Okay.

[1:14:30] Like, why don't you diversify?

[1:14:32] Uh, we've got diversity.

[1:14:33] I'm a super smart billionaire.

[1:14:35] You're a super assassin.

[1:14:37] Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

[1:14:40] We've got it all, baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:41] All right, well, I guess you're the genius.

[1:14:44] Why don't we do this, uh, mission in the summertime, though?

[1:14:48] I mean, you're hoping that people aren't dressed appropriately to deal with all this cold?

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:56] Exactly, yeah.

[1:14:57] Anyway, I'm Lex Luthor.

[1:14:59] Don't, look, don't question me.

[1:15:01] I was able to escape from jail using an intricate plan.

[1:15:05] You just put a different bald guy in your cell.

[1:15:07] An intricate plan.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:09] Uh, so guys, let's go on to final judgments, though.

[1:15:13] Let's, uh, while Elliot blows his nose, um, we'll say...

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:16] I'm also getting over a cult.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:17] Yeah, Elliot is, Elliot seems to have it worse than me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:20] Mm, the Just Ice League strikes again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:24] Ah, Just Ice League!

Dan McCoy

[1:15:27] Uh, but, uh, is this a good, good bad movie, a bad bad movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:31] Is this a good, is that what you're saying?

Dan McCoy

[1:15:32] Is this a good, guys, is this a good, is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like?

[1:15:39] Uh, I'm gonna say that while it is the least hateful of the DC movies that I've seen, uh...

[1:15:47] Not including Wonder Woman.

[1:15:48] Oh, not including Wonder Woman, that's right.

[1:15:51] Wonder Woman is obviously the best, but, uh, it, I don't even think of it as part of the universe.

[1:15:57] That's how the difference is.

[1:15:58] Uh, it's still not good.

[1:16:01] I, I...

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:01] Wonder Woman is the, Wonder Woman is the incredible Hulk of the DC universe, except reverse, where everyone forgets that there was a Hulk movie that's technically part of the Marvel universe.

[1:16:10] Everyone forgets Wonder Woman is in the DC universe because it's of a higher stamp of quality.

[1:16:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:15] Uh, I will say I had some small hopes for this movie because it's less than two hours long, and, uh, Joss Whedon came in to do reshoots, and I know that we've all learned that Joss Whedon's kind of an asshole now, but I do like his television work, and he did a good job with the Avengers, so I thought maybe he could do something to salvage this, but...

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:34] Yeah, could you imagine...

[1:16:35] No.

[1:16:35] Yeah, like, having recently watched the Avengers and seeing how well that, like, that big coming-together fight scene works at the end, it's crazy that Joss Whedon was involved in this movie as well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:50] Unless Joss Whedon is sabotaging the DC movies, like a fifth columnist, to help the Marvel movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:56] That feels like something I would read on Reddit or something.

[1:17:00] That seems like a suitable conspiracy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:02] That's the kind of thing that some incel somewhere is theorizing about right now.

[1:17:07] Yeah.

[1:17:07] Uh, here's what I'm gonna say.

[1:17:11] My final judgment is mixed, and I'll tell you why.

[1:17:15] I don't think this movie is particularly good, but I'm trying to put myself in a world where the Marvel movies don't exist.

[1:17:22] Uh-huh.

[1:17:22] And in a world where the Marvel movies don't exist, I think I would be more forgiving of this movie.

[1:17:28] Because I'd be like, you know what?

[1:17:30] This is far from the worst superhero movie I've ever seen.

[1:17:32] I don't like it.

[1:17:33] It's boring.

[1:17:33] Yeah.

[1:17:34] It's really depressing.

[1:17:35] But it's still so far cut above the superhero movies I grew up with.

[1:17:41] But in a world where the Marvel movies exist, this is, this just like doesn't work at all.

[1:17:46] Like we've seen such a better version of this exact thing.

[1:17:49] Yeah.

[1:17:50] But on the other hand, I give them credit for forging their own path.

[1:17:53] They could just make Marvel movies and say superheroes are fun.

[1:17:56] Let's make a fun movie.

[1:17:57] Instead, they've decided to continue down their own path of making superhero movies that are not fun and feel like I'm supposed to watch them as like a religious obligation.

[1:18:06] So that's something.

[1:18:08] I mean, you be you, DC Universe.

[1:18:10] Fly your freak flag.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:12] Yeah, you're supposed to watch the movie in complete silence and then shuffle out of the movie theater with a sad look on your face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:18] Like I was like there were times during the opening where I'm like, am I supposed to be sad that Superman's dead?

[1:18:23] Because this world does not have a Superman and we have our own troubles.

[1:18:27] But like a lot of things are fine.

[1:18:30] Like am I supposed to be sad?

[1:18:31] How upset am I supposed to be sad?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:32] A lot of things are fine is Elliot's description of the current state of the world.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:36] But the implication in the movie is that without Superman, there's no light or happy.

[1:18:40] Like children don't laugh anymore.

[1:18:42] Love doesn't exist.

[1:18:43] Sex is no longer pleasurable.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:45] I mean, I've seen the previous movies and even when Superman was alive, I don't think those existed.

[1:18:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:52] But I don't know.

[1:18:53] Stuart, did you give your rating?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:54] I didn't.

[1:18:55] You know, I didn't like it.

[1:18:57] And I mean, I guess I liked it more than Batman versus Superman.

[1:19:03] I still think I like it less than Suicide Squad.

[1:19:06] I know that's insane.

[1:19:10] But that movie is just so fascinatingly bad that I don't know.

[1:19:15] I get some joy out of the strangeness of a movie that's at least apparently was cut together by the people who cut the trailer together.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:25] I mean, if you're going to hate watch a DC movie, watch Suicide Squad.

[1:19:29] Because this is like eating a rice cake for breakfast, I feel like, the Justice League movie.

[1:19:35] Yeah.

[1:19:36] It's like, I need something to ingest.

[1:19:38] So I guess I'll use this and I'll have no feelings about it afterwards.

[1:19:42] I think that's it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:45] Yeah.

[1:19:46] So, see you for the next one.

[1:19:48] Justice League 2.

[1:19:49] Tons of movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:50] I thought you meant to see you for the next podcast.

[1:19:53] I was like, screw it.

[1:19:53] You got it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:54] That's all.

[1:19:54] That's us for the Flophouse.

[1:19:56] Kicking it back to you, everybody.

[1:19:57] Now, local affiliates, we went a little long today.

[1:20:00] So, sorry about that.

[1:20:01] We'll make it up on the next time.

[1:20:02] Catch you on the flip.

[1:20:03] Make sure to like and subscribe.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:07] Okay.

[1:20:07] So, that's our video.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:08] Yeah, click subscribe.

[1:20:09] Maybe share the links below.

[1:20:10] I'm pointing down as if anyone can see it.

[1:20:16] Leave a comment.

[1:20:17] Hey, be part of the community.

[1:20:20] The Dead Pilot Society podcast brings you hilarious comedy pilots that were never made.

S4

[1:20:29] Featuring actors like Aubrey Plaza, Andy Richter, Paul F. Tompkins, John Hodgman, Adam Scott, Molly Shannon, Busy Phillips, Tom Lennon, Anna Camp, Laurie Metcalf, Felicia Day, Michael Ian Black, Adam Savage, Paul Scheer, Ben Schwartz, Skylar Astin, May Whitman, Josh Molina, Ben Feldman, Nicole Byer, Jason Ritter, Sarah Chalk, Steve Agee, Jane Levy, Alison Tolman, Danielle Nicolette, Casey Wilson, Anna Ortiz, Lorraine Newman, June Diane Raphael, Kiernan Shipka, Ed Week, Zach Knighton, Carrie Kenney Silver, John Ross Bowie, Jamie Denbo, Janet Varney, Alexander Torr, Sandy,

[1:20:50] and many more.

[1:20:54] Listen at MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you download podcasts.

[1:20:59] This is Griffin McElroy.

[1:21:00] Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

S5

[1:21:01] And we've got a new podcast on MaximumFun called Wonderful.

[1:21:04] Wonderful.

[1:21:05] It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about.

S4

[1:21:09] Things like overalls.

[1:21:11] 24 hours suda-fed.

[1:21:12] The grand prize game.

S5

[1:21:14] The fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators.

S4

[1:21:16] The soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy.

S5

[1:21:18] The beach potion we call Bud Light Line.

S4

[1:21:21] All these things and more every Wednesday.

[1:21:22] And we'll also talk about things that you're excited about.

S5

[1:21:25] You can find us on MaximumFun.org or iTunes or wherever.

[1:21:28] I don't know.

[1:21:28] Just search Wonderful.

[1:21:29] Google it.

[1:21:29] You'll probably get there.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:34] So the Flophouse is supported in part by Casper.

[1:21:38] And our listeners are invited to take advantage of Casper's competitive limited time Memorial Day sale offer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:45] Hey, Dan.

[1:21:46] Hey, Dan.

[1:21:46] Here's a crazy thing.

[1:21:47] Let's explain what Casper is.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:50] Well, okay.

[1:21:51] It's a mattress company.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:53] Not a ghost.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:56] It sells you mattresses.

[1:21:57] They come in the mail in a big box.

[1:21:59] Not as big a box as you would expect, though.

[1:22:03] You open up this box and this mattress.

[1:22:04] Don't tell me what I expect.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:07] Yeah.

[1:22:07] Don't tell me what kind of box I expect.

[1:22:09] You're saying this mattress, it arrives and you're not taking a fully grown mattress into your house.

[1:22:15] No.

[1:22:15] But yet it expands into that fully grown mattress.

[1:22:18] Yes, exactly.

[1:22:18] Like watching a child grow.

[1:22:20] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:22] Casper is different than other mattress companies because they sell directly to you, which eliminates added costs and saves you money.

[1:22:29] And you can be sure of your purchase with their 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial.

[1:22:36] And you can return with no hassles if you're not satisfied.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:40] That return policy is amazing.

[1:22:41] That return policy is amazing.

[1:22:42] I have tried to sleep on a variety of different items for 100 days in return.

[1:22:47] Well, I mean...

[1:22:48] You keep trying to take this pee back to the market.

[1:22:51] And they do not want it.

[1:22:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:54] One of the things you slept on was a dozen eggs.

[1:22:57] And so there was a reason why I didn't accept those back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:01] And I had the receipt.

[1:23:02] And they would accept them back.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:04] Look, for a limited time, visit casper.com slash savings and receive 10% off your order with any mattress purchase.

[1:23:14] Offer expires May 29, 2018.

[1:23:17] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:23:21] We also have a sponsorship from Squarespace.

[1:23:25] Squarespace?

[1:23:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:28] Now, Dan, let's explain what they are, too, because otherwise I'm going to assume they're another mattress company.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:32] No, no, no.

[1:23:32] You can make websites with them.

[1:23:35] It's a good way to turn your cool idea into a website everyone can enjoy.

[1:23:39] Showcase your work.

[1:23:40] You can use it to announce an upcoming event or a special project.

[1:23:44] Or you can use their e-commerce functionality to sell anything online.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:51] Now, Dan, I was wondering.

[1:23:52] I have an idea for a website.

[1:23:54] I was wondering if Squarespace could help me.

[1:23:56] Oh, cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:56] This is a new thing.

[1:23:57] You've never had an idea for a website before.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] I'm very excited about it because it's like I feel inspired to enter a realm I've never felt inspired about before,

[1:24:04] which is web design and web businesses.

[1:24:06] Yeah, the digital realm of ones and zeros.

[1:24:09] Exactly.

[1:24:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:24:10] I want to hack into the mainframe and enter the cyber world.

[1:24:13] So I can surf the data and become a master programmer.

[1:24:19] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:19] You're ready to player one.

[1:24:22] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:24] Yes.

[1:24:25] Now, Dan, this movie inspired me to start a business called Motherbox.com.

[1:24:30] Okay.

[1:24:31] We've all been there.

[1:24:32] You're going on a family trip and your luggage is not big enough to fit your mom in.

[1:24:38] How are you going to get your mom from one place to another?

[1:24:41] Well, that's where Motherbox.com comes in.

[1:24:43] Motherbox takes you just have to measure your mom's height, width, weight, depth, all the basic dimensions.

[1:24:48] You already have them on file.

[1:24:50] Send them to us.

[1:24:51] We will handcraft a custom-made box for you to place your mother in somewhat comfortably for the duration of the trip.

[1:24:58] Just tell us where you're going, how long the trip is, what she'll need in that box.

[1:25:01] We'll make sure it's stopped with everything she might need.

[1:25:04] Is it an overnight plane flight?

[1:25:07] We'll get some snacks in there.

[1:25:08] Is it a long car ride?

[1:25:10] We'll get some snacks in there.

[1:25:11] Are you going on an ocean voyage?

[1:25:13] More snacks.

[1:25:14] Everything you need.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] It feels like all our needs are snacks, right?

[1:25:19] Pretty much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:19] I mean, are there air holes for your mother?

[1:25:21] Of course there are.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:23] It's like that movie, Mars Need Moms Who Need Snacks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:26] Yep.

[1:25:27] In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the first one is snacks.

[1:25:30] And then eventually it goes all the way up to getting where you need to go without costing an arm and a leg to transport your mother.

[1:25:37] So leave the mom shipping to us.

[1:25:40] Motherbox.com.

[1:25:41] For all you're transporting your mom from one place to another needs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:44] We'll handle the mom shipping.

[1:25:46] So we'll take the various moms from Riverdale and we'll ship them with each other.

[1:25:51] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:53] Interesting.

[1:25:53] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:53] And forget fan fiction about what these moms will be doing.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:57] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:57] Our slogan for Motherbox.com is, we provide the box, you provide the mom.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:03] This show started off with such respect for mothers and now it's taking a weird turn.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:09] What's more respectful than providing a comfortable, well-stocked with snacks box for shipping any mother from one place to another.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:17] And or possibly writing stories about your favorite moms from your favorite hit CW television show.

[1:26:23] So, Dan.

[1:26:25] Finding love in each other's arms.

[1:26:26] I mean, it makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:27] So, Dan, can Squarespace help me with my mother transportation website or Stuart with his Riverdale fan fiction website?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:35] It certainly can.

[1:26:36] And so to get started, check out Squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:26:42] And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:26:50] I believe each of you has a Jumbotron.

[1:26:55] You know it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:56] Ellie, why don't you go first while I open my phone and find it.

[1:27:02] Okay.

[1:27:03] Okay.

[1:27:04] Are you ready?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:05] Yes, I am.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:06] Okay, everybody buckle up.

[1:27:08] Okay, you go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:11] Okay, am I?

[1:27:12] Can I go?

[1:27:13] Wait.

[1:27:14] Are you still prepping yourself?

[1:27:16] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:17] Okay, you can go.

[1:27:17] I was just asking so I could vamp if you weren't ready.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:20] No, I'm ready right now.

[1:27:21] Okay, good.

[1:27:22] I have it right in front of me.

[1:27:23] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:24] What were you going to vamp about, Dan?

[1:27:25] I don't know.

[1:27:27] I was just going to open my mouth and see what comes out, which is a terrible way to do it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:30] Whoa, a dangerous thing to do.

[1:27:32] Yeah.

[1:27:33] What if it was like a swarm of scarabs like in The Mummy?

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:38] That would have been terrifying.

[1:27:40] Yeah.

[1:27:41] Although it would have been pretty exciting about the future of computer graphics.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:47] Yeah.

[1:27:47] Anyway, here's my Jumbotron message.

[1:27:50] I'm here to tell you to subscribe to WikiWheel with Max and Shay on your preferred podcast app.

[1:27:55] Now, hey, one couple's randomized ramble through Wikipedia.

[1:27:58] That's WikiWheel.

[1:27:59] Join us as we explore all of human knowledge via Wikipedia's random article feature.

[1:28:04] We've written EastEnders fan fiction, played bang, marry, kill with the world's great mountain ranges,

[1:28:08] and done a really bad job at the My Little Pony collectible card game.

[1:28:12] That's WikiWheel with Max and Shay.

[1:28:14] Subscribe on your preferred podcast app.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:16] Oh, that sounds really fun.

[1:28:17] It does.

[1:28:18] Guys, I'm going to take a brief pause on this podcast to talk about how I'm watching Archie drink out of Dan's toilet.

[1:28:24] Oh, no.

[1:28:25] Dan, that's where you go potty, and he's just drinking it.

[1:28:27] It's crazy.

[1:28:28] Why would he do that?

[1:28:29] Oh.

[1:28:30] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:31] That cat has gone to the dog.

[1:28:33] Literally.

[1:28:34] Yep.

[1:28:34] In Archie, a new syndicated comic strip by Dan McCoy.

[1:28:38] There isn't one called Archie yet, right?

[1:28:41] I mean, there is a comic called Archie.

[1:28:43] They made a TV show called Riverdale based on it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:45] That's what Riverdale's from?

[1:28:49] Wait, it's like a superhero comic strip.

[1:28:52] Wait, it's like a superhero comic strip?

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:52] Not exactly.

[1:28:53] Unless he becomes, what's his name, Proudheart.

[1:28:56] Isn't that Archie's superhero character?

[1:28:58] What?

[1:28:59] Dan, if you were able to sell a syndicated daily comic strip about your own cat, would you die from happiness or would you die from sadness that you had no more worlds left to conquer?

Dan McCoy

[1:29:10] I think we both know what the answer to that would be, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:14] Guys, we probably talked about this, but if you were going to have to pitch a comic strip to a television channel to be like a hot teen reimagining of a comic strip, which one would you pick?

[1:29:29] Did we already talk about this?

[1:29:30] Did we already talk about how I would pitch Rose as Rose?

[1:29:33] I don't think we did, but...

[1:29:33] You're pitching what?

[1:29:34] I would pitch Rose as Rose.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:35] I think we did talk about your Rose as Rose pitch at some point, I think.

[1:29:38] Yeah, oh, damn it.

[1:29:39] I don't know if it was on the podcast, but we certainly have had that conversation.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:43] Yeah, maybe...

[1:29:44] I don't know.

[1:29:45] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:46] Did I tell you about my Snuffy Smith idea?

[1:29:50] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:51] Too hot for TV.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:53] It's a gritty teen Snuffy Smith, because it's time to bring back sexy young hillbillies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:00] Bring them back?

[1:30:01] Okay, so...

[1:30:02] They never left.

[1:30:03] I got a Jumbotron.

[1:30:07] This message is for the original Peaches.

[1:30:10] That is us.

[1:30:12] The message is from Andrew, last name withheld.

[1:30:15] Hey guys, I love the show.

[1:30:17] It makes me sad when there isn't a Jumbotron, because I want you to get paid.

[1:30:22] Also, I want to get my words on the show.

[1:30:25] My options are to write a letter, or to make a Jumbotron.

[1:30:29] But I don't want to pander to Dan.

[1:30:31] Thus, there is only one real option.

[1:30:34] And this is how I effectively preempt the song.

[1:30:38] That's how it works.

[1:30:42] Whoa!

[1:30:43] Thank you very much, Andrew.

[1:30:45] Thank you for supporting the show.

[1:30:48] It means a lot.

[1:30:50] Because we like money.

[1:30:53] And saying words.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:55] I mean, the money paid for the Jumbotron really salves the wound of my being owned at the end there.

[1:31:00] He literally hacked into the mainframe.

[1:31:02] That was a life hack onto the show.

[1:31:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:31:06] Dan, would you call pandering to you dandering, because I'm allergic to it?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:12] Yes.

[1:31:13] Thank you.

[1:31:14] I would.

[1:31:14] That's a lovely portmanteau.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:16] Guys, we got a little Archie update.

[1:31:17] Archie is now sleeping off, having a mouthful of toilet water.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:22] He is not drinking anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:24] Just so tune back in for more Archie updates later in the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:29] Thanks for those Jumbotrons.

[1:31:31] Everybody, sign up for Jumbotron if you've got a message to send to us.

[1:31:34] It doesn't have to be about us, but that's really nice.

[1:31:36] Dan, do we have some things of our own to promote?

[1:31:39] Is that the time for this?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:41] Sure.

[1:31:42] Are you wanting to promote them?

[1:31:45] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:46] We've got some live shows coming up.

[1:31:49] When this airs, when this airs, when this gets released, we'll already be in Washington,

[1:31:54] D.C., right?

[1:31:55] Correct.

[1:31:55] For a Washington, D.C. show?

[1:31:56] Yeah.

[1:31:57] So if you're listening to this, I guess, Saturday morning, we're doing a live show in Washington,

[1:32:02] D.C. tonight on May, was it 26th?

Dan McCoy

[1:32:07] I believe that's correct.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:09] Yeah, on May 26th in Washington, D.C. at the historic Sixth and I Synagogue.

[1:32:14] That's right.

[1:32:15] It's going to be a night of Kabbalistic wisdom and Talmudic debate all around the subject

[1:32:20] of Geostorm.

[1:32:22] I'm into that.

[1:32:24] We've got a show in Brooklyn on June 7th.

[1:32:26] I believe that's sold out.

[1:32:28] So if you want to hang out outside and just shout our names at us, we probably won't hear

[1:32:33] you.

[1:32:34] But thanks to everyone who already bought tickets.

[1:32:36] And then at the end of that month, at the end of June, we've got a show in Seattle, Washington.

[1:32:43] The Big Easy.

[1:32:45] And I've never been there before.

[1:32:46] And I'm very excited to see Seattle because I want to take that Frasier reality tour that

[1:32:51] the real Frasier Crane does, where he tells you about the locations that inspired the hit

[1:32:55] show, Frasier.

[1:32:56] Do I know anything else about Seattle other than Frasier?

[1:32:58] I do not.

[1:33:00] And Dan, do you remember what day that is in June?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:02] That is June 30th.

[1:33:03] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:04] June 30th.

[1:33:05] And tickets are still available for that one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:07] And at all our live shows, we're going to have special limited tour t-shirts and tour

[1:33:18] posters.

[1:33:19] Prices TBD.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:21] Bring cash because we cannot accept credit cards.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:24] Yeah, we can't accept that there's a system in place where you use a piece of plastic to

[1:33:30] exchange for it.

[1:33:32] Yeah, that's right.

[1:33:32] We can't mentally accept the existence of credit cards.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:35] Or, you know what?

[1:33:36] I might look up into setting a Venmo account up.

[1:33:39] Okay.

[1:33:40] But please bring cash if you can.

[1:33:42] That would be the easiest thing.

[1:33:43] We're going to have exclusive tour t-shirts and posters.

[1:33:45] As anyone who's been to a live show knows that we do presentations before the episode that

[1:33:50] gets recorded where we talk about other stuff PowerPoint-wise.

[1:33:53] Yeah, I just finished mine and it's really dumb.

[1:33:58] And I know I've set myself the challenge of doing a new presentation for every one of these

[1:34:02] shows that I will never do again that is tailored to that specific show.

[1:34:07] So, if you want to see this exclusive Elliot Kalin humor content, come to these shows.

[1:34:12] Otherwise, you'll never see them.

[1:34:14] Because I'm going to burn the scripts and burn the PowerPoint slides by throwing my computer

[1:34:19] into a fireplace.

[1:34:19] Okay.

[1:34:21] Well, moving on, though, to letters from listeners.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:26] Listeners like you, are you listening right now?

[1:34:29] Could be your letter if you sent one in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:31] If you didn't send one in, the odds are not good that it's your letter.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:36] This first letter is from Charlie, last name with health.

[1:34:40] Daniels?

[1:34:41] Sure.

[1:34:42] He writes, hey, bitches.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:43] Now, Dan, before you get into that letter, I just want to say I would sing a song here,

[1:34:47] but I am both recovering from a cold and also heading out to Disneyland later today.

[1:34:52] So, I've got a lot of energy I've got to save up for this trip.

[1:34:55] So, I can fight the germs and also fight the crowds to get on some of the hottest rides

[1:34:59] in Southern California.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:01] Okay.

[1:35:02] Weird little plug there, but.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:05] Disneyland.

[1:35:06] Have you heard of it?

[1:35:09] Dan, did I forget to mention that Disney bought the Flophouse?

[1:35:12] Oh, okay.

[1:35:13] Yeah, we're going to be in Avengers Infinity War 2, Avengers versus the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:17] I mean, finally this thing is going to be, you know, as profitable as we hoped.

[1:35:21] I think I would really get along with those Guardians of the Galaxy characters.

[1:35:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:26] They're really silly, and I think we'd really, you know, it'd be really fun.

[1:35:29] People would like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:32] I can see Stew in Guardians of the Galaxy.

[1:35:34] Yeah.

[1:35:34] Yeah, Stew Lord.

[1:35:35] Yeah, it's Stew Lord.

[1:35:37] Anyway, Charlie says, hey, peaches.

[1:35:39] You guys are obviously experts re, or re, good bad movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:46] I'd like to see you correcting your own pronunciation, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:50] That is the Flophouse's wheelhouse, after all.

[1:35:53] But your episode on The Greatest Showman got me wondering about bad good movies.

[1:35:57] That is, movies which, in their earnest striving to be recognized as good, actually turn out pretty bad.

[1:36:03] Mileage may vary, but I'm thinking of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which I recently saw on a plane for the first time and simply could not fucking believe.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:11] Hugely disappointing, as the follow-up to Zodiac.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:14] In your estimation, they're related.

[1:36:17] Benjamin Button was the Zodiac Killer?

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:19] Yeah, yeah, because they cut out a scene where Benjamin Button is the Zodiac Killer.

[1:36:23] Yeah.

[1:36:25] It's part of the David Fincher cinematic universe.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:28] Yes, in your estimation, what are the worst bad good movies?

[1:36:33] Now, of course, in our ranking system, these movies still would just be bad bad.

[1:36:39] But movies that strive so far for goodness that they become bad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:44] Okay, so Dan's clarifying that one for the pedants out there.

[1:36:47] Yeah, exactly.

[1:36:49] Well, Benjamin Button, man, that is a good one, because that is a terrible movie.

[1:36:54] I hated it in the theater.

[1:36:55] I didn't understand why people liked it.

[1:36:57] I hate it.

[1:36:59] I hate it so much.

[1:37:01] I hate it.

[1:37:02] I would say a movie that I kind of think of is, did you ever see that comedy 50-50 where Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing?

[1:37:15] With Seth Rogen?

[1:37:16] Yeah, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, it's the true story of one of the screenwriters-like battles with cancer.

[1:37:22] Okay.

[1:37:22] And, like, it's a true story, and it's moving.

[1:37:26] I just found the movie completely bland and boring.

[1:37:29] Hmm.

[1:37:30] And it's something that, like, I like the actors in it, and I wanted to like it.

[1:37:34] I just couldn't.

[1:37:36] Interesting.

[1:37:37] I like that one a little bit.

[1:37:38] I can understand that.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:39] I actually have it on my DVR right now, so now I'm...

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:43] Oh, no.

[1:37:44] I ruined it for you.

[1:37:45] Uh-oh.

[1:37:45] Maybe you'll watch it and love it, and then you'll text me late at, like, one in the morning saying,

[1:37:49] I was totally wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:51] No, I'll probably text you being like, right on 50-50.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:54] Mm-hmm.

[1:37:55] Hey, guys, I've got four words.

[1:37:57] I mean, there are a lot of movies that fall into this category.

[1:37:59] A lot of, like, Stanley Kramer films, like Inherit the Wind has always stuck out that way for me.

[1:38:04] Or, you know, Guess Who's Coming to Get Dinner, where it's like, this movie's so goddamn important.

[1:38:09] Everything about it's important.

[1:38:11] But here's...

[1:38:12] I got four words for you that sum this up for me.

[1:38:14] The Cider House Rules.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:17] Wow.

[1:38:18] That's starring Dan's favorite Michael Caine.

[1:38:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:23] Where it's like, I remember watching that movie, and this movie is so striving to be beautiful and important and meaningful.

[1:38:32] And I was like, I don't understand what this movie is trying to communicate to me at all.

[1:38:37] Like, I don't find it interesting.

[1:38:40] I don't know why the characters are doing these things.

[1:38:42] I don't know.

[1:38:43] I'm getting nothing from it, you know.

[1:38:45] I mean, you see, what, Charlize Theron's butt at one point?

[1:38:48] Okay.

[1:38:49] Okay.

[1:38:49] Which seemed to be the filmmakers...

[1:38:51] What is this?

[1:38:52] It seemed to be the filmmakers being like, all right, I'll throw you a bone.

[1:38:56] The things about, you know, for the purian interests in the crowd.

[1:39:00] But this is an important piece of filmmaking.

[1:39:02] And I was just like, don't care for this movie.

[1:39:04] It is taking itself too seriously, and I don't like it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:07] Elliot, would you say that the Cider House drools?

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:12] It's a harsh way to go, but if I was being honest, yes, I would say that Cider House drools.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:17] Okay.

[1:39:17] That's very brave of you.

[1:39:19] Dan, are you going to say The Imitation Game?

[1:39:21] No, that's a good one.

[1:39:23] I was going to go...

[1:39:24] Oh, that is a good one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:26] Dan, but Dan, wait, Dan, were you aware that now we call them computers?

[1:39:29] Okay.

[1:39:30] Maybe it makes more sense to you now.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:32] No, okay.

[1:39:32] It's all coming together.

[1:39:34] And Benedict Cumberbatch was dead the whole time.

[1:39:38] What?

[1:39:38] I mean, your character dies very early on in the film.

[1:39:41] What?

[1:39:44] No, I was going to go with a Flophouse movie, and that movie is Labor Day, which I feel is

[1:39:51] so freighted with the weight of wanting to be...

[1:39:55] Freight weight.

[1:39:56] This serious doomed romance, and it's just absurd.

[1:40:05] I still think of the pie-making scene.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:08] Yeah, with great husband.

[1:40:09] Every time you jack it, you think...

Dan McCoy

[1:40:10] Yeah, every time I jack it into a pie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:15] You know, Dan, there's a movie about that.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:18] Yeah, I know.

[1:40:19] It's called Trouble with the Curve.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:24] Trouble with the Curve is the definition of a mediocre movie.

[1:40:28] I remember it's the kind of movie...

[1:40:30] My experience watching it was I was on a vacation.

[1:40:33] My wife was very tired.

[1:40:35] She took a nap, and I watched it in the hotel room while she slept,

[1:40:37] and I was like, yeah, this is exactly the movie I should be watching right now.

[1:40:40] It's Trouble with the Curve.

[1:40:41] It's a movie to watch in a hotel room while your partner sleeps.

[1:40:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:46] Perfect.

[1:40:46] Perfect stuff.

[1:40:48] This next one.

[1:40:51] This is from Kira, last name shared with a fast food restaurant.

[1:40:56] Burger King.

[1:40:57] Kira Burger King.

[1:40:59] Churches.

[1:41:00] Dear Peaches.

[1:41:01] White Castle.

[1:41:03] Raisin Cane's Chicken in the Box.

[1:41:05] Raisin Cane's Chicken in the Box.

[1:41:10] I started listening to your podcast several months ago,

[1:41:13] and was working my way sporadically through your blessedly extensive back catalog.

[1:41:18] When I finally got around to breaking off a relationship,

[1:41:20] I knew I needed it to end.

[1:41:22] Imagine my surprise when, while listening to an older episode...

[1:41:25] Sorry about the old ones.

[1:41:27] I believe the one on the boy.

[1:41:29] It was not that old.

[1:41:32] I suddenly heard Elliot say,

[1:41:33] Ladies, don't date a guy named my ex's name.

[1:41:37] Although the warning came just a little too late

[1:41:39] to prevent me from going down a doomed romantic route,

[1:41:42] Sorry it didn't come in earlier.

[1:41:44] It did give me a strange amount of comfort

[1:41:45] to hear my decision to break it off supported retroactively.

[1:41:49] Any other advice to spare for a single girl in her earlier 20s?

[1:41:52] With and when I decide to throw myself back to the dating game?

[1:41:57] Maybe a complete list of guy names I should strike

[1:41:59] from the list of potential suitors altogether?

[1:42:02] I'll also accept cliches, folksy aphorisms,

[1:42:04] and older brother type advice.

[1:42:06] Thanks so much.

[1:42:07] Kira, last name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:08] Guys, I have a ton of advice.

[1:42:10] Alright.

[1:42:10] Okay, let's hear it.

[1:42:11] First one, avoid Dan McCoys.

[1:42:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:14] I'm going to see my first one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:17] Number two, get a job at a magazine or a newspaper.

[1:42:21] Mm-hmm.

[1:42:22] Okay, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:24] Wait, hold on.

[1:42:24] Wait, why the second one?

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:26] Well, because then you'll start up like a camaraderie

[1:42:30] with your coworkers,

[1:42:31] and there will be some sexual tension,

[1:42:33] like a will-they-won't-they thing,

[1:42:34] and then eventually you'll fall in love and get married.

[1:42:36] It'll be great.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:37] Yeah, or, you know, like...

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:39] Like a couple seasons in.

[1:42:41] Get another...

Dan McCoy

[1:42:41] Or, you know, like, choose another career

[1:42:45] that people have a vague idea of what it entails,

[1:42:47] but not enough that you actually, like,

[1:42:49] can object to anything.

[1:42:49] Like architect.

[1:42:50] Oh, yeah, like running an art gallery?

[1:42:52] Uh-huh.

[1:42:53] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:53] Or making...

[1:42:55] Drawing the Caroline the City comics?

[1:42:57] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:59] Look, I think it seems like, uh...

[1:43:02] Dating now is so different from...

[1:43:03] It feels from when it was when I was dating.

[1:43:05] I stopped dating 15 years ago.

[1:43:09] I hope so.

[1:43:09] When I met the woman who became my wife.

[1:43:11] I still dabble in it.

[1:43:12] No, but, uh...

[1:43:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:43:14] Yeah.

[1:43:14] But there's some things that are eternal verities,

[1:43:17] and I guess it's like, uh...

[1:43:20] You know, be aware of what you want from a relationship.

[1:43:26] Try to find people who want something similar from that.

[1:43:29] Don't...

[1:43:30] And try not to confuse somebody...

[1:43:33] If you're looking for a long-term relationship,

[1:43:35] try not to confuse somebody who is, like,

[1:43:38] cool with the person you actually will be happy with

[1:43:42] or, you know, have a good relationship with.

[1:43:45] I think that's something that I know a lot of guys

[1:43:47] make the mistake of.

[1:43:48] I don't know about girls.

[1:43:49] Stuart has just put on sunglasses

[1:43:50] to emphasize the point that he's a cool dude

[1:43:53] in a long-term, very healthy relationship.

[1:43:55] So, I don't know.

[1:43:56] Maybe I'm wrong.

[1:43:57] But, uh, a lot of knowing what to do in dating

[1:44:00] comes from knowing yourself.

[1:44:02] Self-knowledge is the source of all things.

[1:44:04] And so...

[1:44:05] I don't know.

[1:44:06] Just don't, uh...

[1:44:07] Don't be someone else.

[1:44:09] Be yourself.

[1:44:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:11] Dan, do you have advice?

[1:44:12] Guys, if I had advice,

[1:44:14] I would be in my situation.

[1:44:15] I just put this letter in here

[1:44:17] so I could listen to your advice.

[1:44:19] Oh, okay.

[1:44:20] It was a trick.

[1:44:21] I don't know.

[1:44:22] Oh, trick does.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:22] Dan's already on Craigslist

[1:44:24] applying to jobs in a magazine.

[1:44:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:27] Because you know that we hate giving advice.

[1:44:29] Yeah.

[1:44:30] That's one thing we never want to do.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:31] I guess, uh,

[1:44:33] on the name thing,

[1:44:34] don't date a Chad or a Chet.

[1:44:36] Okay.

[1:44:37] That's about as far as I can go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:38] What if it was jazz musician Chet Baker?

Dan McCoy

[1:44:40] Oh.

[1:44:41] Mm-hmm.

[1:44:42] I mean, he's probably not a good guy, right?

[1:44:44] What about...

[1:44:44] I mean, all those jazz musicians...

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:45] I mean, jazz musicians tend not to be good guys.

[1:44:48] What if it was Hanging Chad

[1:44:49] from the 2000 election?

Dan McCoy

[1:44:51] Oh, no, that's terrible.

[1:44:52] Helped ruin the country for a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:55] That's fair.

[1:44:56] What about Chaz Palminteri?

[1:44:58] That's a Chaz.

[1:44:59] That's totally different.

[1:45:00] Okay, so he's fair game.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:01] Yeah, Chaz is great.

[1:45:03] That's a great name.

[1:45:04] Sounds like cheese.

[1:45:05] State a guy named Cheese.

[1:45:06] I would say,

[1:45:10] dear listener,

[1:45:11] don't confuse the person

[1:45:13] you are hoping someone will be

[1:45:14] to the person that they are.

[1:45:17] And, you know,

[1:45:18] you want to go into things

[1:45:19] with open eyes.

[1:45:21] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:23] And...

[1:45:23] And, oh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:24] and I have one more thing.

[1:45:25] I have one more thing.

[1:45:26] Yeah.

[1:45:27] Don't confuse...

[1:45:28] Don't confuse being in a relationship

[1:45:30] with being a worthwhile person.

[1:45:32] You have worth

[1:45:33] and you have importance to you

[1:45:35] and you have meaning

[1:45:36] without having to reflect that

[1:45:38] off of another human being.

[1:45:40] So if you're starting to...

[1:45:41] If you ever find yourself

[1:45:42] making the mistake of saying,

[1:45:44] oh, who am I?

[1:45:45] I'm not even, you know,

[1:45:46] dating someone.

[1:45:47] Like, don't do that.

[1:45:48] That's not the way you should think.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:49] Certainly don't confuse it

[1:45:50] with happiness

[1:45:50] because happiness is

[1:45:52] something that comes from within.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:54] And...

[1:45:55] Happiness is really only two things.

[1:45:56] A warm gun or a warm puppy.

[1:45:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:59] Uh-huh.

[1:45:59] It's gotta be warm.

[1:46:00] And a fun movie.

[1:46:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:46:04] never forget that

[1:46:05] clear eyes,

[1:46:07] full hearts,

[1:46:08] can't lose.

[1:46:09] Thanks, guys.

[1:46:11] Good night.

[1:46:12] So,

Dan McCoy

[1:46:13] I've got

[1:46:14] two more letters

[1:46:15] but they're real quick.

[1:46:17] The first one

[1:46:17] is from Mike,

[1:46:18] last name withheld,

[1:46:19] who writes...

[1:46:20] Mike and the Mad Dog, yeah.

[1:46:22] As a recent first-time father,

[1:46:23] I've come to learn

[1:46:24] that you're supposed to talk

[1:46:25] and sing to your child often.

[1:46:27] For me,

[1:46:27] as a sleep-deprived

[1:46:28] 30-something,

[1:46:29] this means singing

[1:46:29] the letter song

[1:46:30] to my daughter.

[1:46:31] Not any specific

[1:46:32] letter song per se,

[1:46:33] but the kind of

[1:46:34] stream of consciousness

[1:46:35] word soup

[1:46:35] that rarely ends

[1:46:36] where it started.

[1:46:37] My question,

[1:46:38] Elliot,

[1:46:38] what is Sammy's

[1:46:39] favorite letter song?

[1:46:40] Was the podcast

[1:46:41] just your practice

[1:46:42] for fatherhood?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:42] I mean,

[1:46:44] in that I'm dealing

[1:46:45] with Dan and Stu,

[1:46:46] yes,

[1:46:46] very much so.

[1:46:47] It's a practice

[1:46:48] for fatherhood.

[1:46:50] Just kidding, guys.

[1:46:51] This is a serious

[1:46:52] answer to that question,

[1:46:53] though.

[1:46:53] The letter song

[1:46:54] Sammy likes the most

[1:46:55] and always has liked

[1:46:55] is That's the Way It Works

[1:46:57] or That's How It Works.

[1:46:59] He memorized the words

[1:47:00] to that.

[1:47:00] And for a long time

[1:47:01] he would go,

[1:47:02] Daddy, sing

[1:47:03] Speaking of Birthdays.

[1:47:04] I like the part

[1:47:05] where Dan says,

[1:47:06] Speaking of Birthdays,

[1:47:07] and they go,

[1:47:08] Speaking of Birthdays,

[1:47:09] what we're talking about.

[1:47:11] So that's the one

[1:47:12] he likes the most.

[1:47:13] The problem with doing

[1:47:14] those stream of conscious songs

[1:47:15] is that when they get

[1:47:16] a little older,

[1:47:17] they go,

[1:47:17] Sing that song again,

[1:47:18] the one from yesterday.

[1:47:19] And you're like,

[1:47:20] uh,

[1:47:20] I don't remember it.

[1:47:22] I don't know what it was.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:23] You're like,

[1:47:24] there is no yesterday.

[1:47:26] We only move forward,

[1:47:27] Sammy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:28] Looking back,

[1:47:29] looking back,

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:30] it's toxic nostalgia.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:32] Yeah, exactly.

[1:47:33] That's what I say.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:35] It's the death of creativity.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:38] Well,

[1:47:38] that was a lovely insight

[1:47:39] into your relationship

[1:47:41] with your child.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:42] It's great.

[1:47:43] I love him.

[1:47:43] He's a good kid.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:44] Whoa,

[1:47:45] this just in,

[1:47:45] Elliot loves his child.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:48] News alert,

[1:47:49] stop the presses.

[1:47:50] Now start him again.

[1:47:51] It actually wasn't worth

[1:47:52] stopping for.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:53] Uh,

[1:47:54] last letter,

[1:47:54] very quickly.

[1:47:56] To flop it may concern.

[1:47:58] It is with great sorrow

[1:47:59] that I must inform you

[1:47:59] that the Flophouse house cat,

[1:48:01] TM,

[1:48:02] has been declared

[1:48:03] missing presumed dead.

[1:48:05] Having not been heard of

[1:48:06] since April 19th,

[1:48:07] 2014,

[1:48:08] episode 150,

[1:48:09] this authority

[1:48:10] can only assume

[1:48:10] that he has perished,

[1:48:12] most likely doing

[1:48:12] something radical

[1:48:13] like hang gliding

[1:48:14] or skateboarding

[1:48:15] down a dead man's curb

[1:48:16] while chomping

[1:48:17] on a slice of za.

[1:48:18] Mr. Stuart Wellington

[1:48:19] has been named

[1:48:21] next of kin,

[1:48:21] although no one

[1:48:22] has actually seen him

[1:48:23] in the house cat

[1:48:23] in the same room together.

[1:48:25] Our floppiest condolences,

[1:48:26] officer,

[1:48:27] last name withheld,

[1:48:28] generic police department,

[1:48:30] 555 Ordinary Avenue,

[1:48:32] generic city USA,

[1:48:33] 12345.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:36] Uh,

[1:48:37] that's really sad,

[1:48:38] but my real question is,

[1:48:40] Dan,

[1:48:40] did you say grape

[1:48:41] at the beginning of that?

[1:48:43] Did I say grape

[1:48:43] at the beginning of that?

[1:48:44] I think you said

[1:48:45] grape at the beginning of that.

[1:48:46] Uh,

[1:48:47] well,

[1:48:47] that's...

[1:48:48] Wait,

[1:48:48] what word could I possibly...

Dan McCoy

[1:48:50] I'm looking at the letter

[1:48:52] and nothing there

[1:48:53] looks like grape at all.

[1:48:55] You know...

[1:48:55] Oh,

[1:48:55] it is with grape sorrow.

[1:48:56] Okay.

[1:48:57] Yeah.

[1:48:58] Grape sorrow.

[1:48:59] Okay.

[1:48:59] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:00] Uh,

[1:49:00] that was a,

[1:49:01] uh,

[1:49:01] good,

[1:49:01] uh,

[1:49:02] good attempt to change

[1:49:02] the subject of the conversation

[1:49:04] there,

[1:49:04] uh,

[1:49:04] Mr. Wellington.

[1:49:05] If it doesn't bother you,

[1:49:08] I'd like to ask you a few questions

[1:49:09] about the,

[1:49:09] uh,

[1:49:10] Mr.

[1:49:11] Mr.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:11] Mr.

[1:49:13] Mr.

[1:49:15] Cat,

[1:49:16] the,

[1:49:16] uh,

[1:49:17] cat in question,

[1:49:18] uh,

[1:49:18] was last seen several years ago,

[1:49:19] uh,

[1:49:20] in your company.

[1:49:21] Uh,

[1:49:22] where were you that night of,

[1:49:23] uh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:23] April 19th,

[1:49:24] 2014?

[1:49:24] If you don't mind my asking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:26] Uh,

[1:49:26] let's see.

[1:49:27] I was at a Chuck E.

[1:49:30] Cheese pizza parlor.

[1:49:32] Okay.

[1:49:32] Makes sense.

[1:49:33] This checks out.

[1:49:34] I was working my shift

[1:49:36] in the mouse costume.

[1:49:39] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:40] And I'm sure we can't,

[1:49:41] we can't find any witnesses

[1:49:42] to back it up

[1:49:43] because how would they know

[1:49:43] it's you?

[1:49:44] You're in a mouse costume.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:46] Unless they can,

[1:49:47] they know the smell

[1:49:48] of my caked on sweat

[1:49:49] that I exude

[1:49:51] into that costume

[1:49:52] every day.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:53] This is information

[1:49:54] I don't necessarily need

[1:49:55] for my case.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:57] You just have to understand

[1:49:58] that I,

[1:49:58] I just run hot,

[1:49:59] guys.

[1:50:00] I run hot a bit.

[1:50:01] So like,

[1:50:02] and you know,

[1:50:02] I,

[1:50:03] I take a lot of hydration.

[1:50:05] You know,

[1:50:05] I take a lot of it.

[1:50:07] I take a lot of water.

[1:50:08] So it all comes out

[1:50:09] of my body.

[1:50:10] That's how it happens.

[1:50:11] That's how it works.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:12] Now,

[1:50:12] I've heard,

[1:50:13] what you're saying to me

[1:50:14] is that you're hot blooded

[1:50:15] and as is my job

[1:50:16] as a police officer,

[1:50:17] I'd like to check it

[1:50:18] and see it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:19] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:20] Oh, dear God,

[1:50:21] you've got a fever

[1:50:21] of 103.

[1:50:23] We're going to get you

[1:50:23] into the hospital.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:24] The thing is,

[1:50:25] Elliot,

[1:50:26] or Officer Elliot,

[1:50:28] or whatever

[1:50:29] you're not dying to,

[1:50:30] I need to find out

[1:50:31] if you do more

[1:50:32] than dance.

[1:50:34] That's what it says

[1:50:35] in the fucking song.

[1:50:36] It's wild.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:38] That makes sense.

[1:50:39] That makes sense.

[1:50:40] Just one more question.

[1:50:41] Did you kill the house cat?

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:43] You know,

[1:50:43] guys,

[1:50:44] I didn't really kill

[1:50:45] the house cat.

[1:50:45] Let's get real.

[1:50:46] I'm going to turn

[1:50:46] my chair backwards.

[1:50:49] I just haven't seen him

[1:50:50] in a while,

[1:50:50] you know?

[1:50:52] Yeah.

[1:50:52] I mean,

[1:50:53] he went up to...

[1:50:54] That's the instead

[1:50:54] of me leveling with you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:56] I mean,

[1:50:56] he was very much

[1:50:57] the breakout star

[1:50:58] of the podcast

[1:50:59] and he did have a TV show

[1:51:00] on the CW

[1:51:01] for a little bit of time,

[1:51:02] so he's probably

[1:51:03] just biding his time

[1:51:04] until he makes it

[1:51:05] into probably features.

[1:51:06] Yeah,

[1:51:07] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:08] I'm sure you could sneak

[1:51:09] some kind of poochie meme

[1:51:10] in here somewhere

[1:51:11] where you insert the house cat

[1:51:12] in place of poochie,

[1:51:13] but no,

[1:51:14] the house cat's

[1:51:15] very much alive and well.

[1:51:16] He just hasn't come out

[1:51:17] in a while.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:17] Okay.

[1:51:18] Yeah,

[1:51:18] and I'm just going to say,

[1:51:20] if anyone wants

[1:51:20] to make a podcast

[1:51:21] where they essentially

[1:51:22] stalk the house cat

[1:51:23] because they're worried

[1:51:24] he's in trouble,

[1:51:25] just don't, okay?

[1:51:26] The guy's entitled

[1:51:27] to some privacy.

[1:51:28] He was the face

[1:51:29] of American fitness

[1:51:30] for decades.

[1:51:31] We don't need you

[1:51:32] hanging around

[1:51:33] outside his house

[1:51:33] insinuating that

[1:51:35] he's getting a sex change

[1:51:36] or is being kept

[1:51:37] a prisoner.

[1:51:39] He's entitled

[1:51:39] to some privacy.

[1:51:40] He's an elderly

[1:51:40] fitness magnate.

[1:51:42] We don't need you

[1:51:42] stalking him

[1:51:43] in podcast form.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:44] Yeah,

[1:51:44] there's a certain lack

[1:51:45] of journalism ethics

[1:51:47] or responsibility

[1:51:47] in that situation,

[1:51:49] right?

[1:51:50] Yeah.

[1:51:52] Good,

Dan McCoy

[1:51:52] you know,

[1:51:54] good to reprimand.

[1:51:56] So,

[1:51:57] it's time for our

[1:51:57] last segment

[1:51:58] of the podcast

[1:51:59] which is

[1:51:59] recommendations

[1:52:00] of movies

[1:52:01] you should watch

[1:52:02] instead of

[1:52:03] this one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:06] You already forgot

[1:52:07] what we watched,

[1:52:07] huh?

[1:52:08] I did.

[1:52:09] Justice League.

[1:52:10] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:12] I'm going to make

[1:52:13] mine really quick

[1:52:14] because it's already

[1:52:14] been recommended

[1:52:15] on the podcast

[1:52:16] but it just so

[1:52:16] happens to be

[1:52:17] the only movie

[1:52:17] I've seen

[1:52:18] recently that I

[1:52:19] really liked.

[1:52:20] Yeah.

[1:52:20] so I'm going to

[1:52:21] back up.

[1:52:22] All hard bodies.

[1:52:23] Yeah.

[1:52:24] That was on

[1:52:25] I sent Elliot

[1:52:26] a screenshot

[1:52:27] of the Sony

[1:52:28] movie channel

[1:52:29] lineup last night

[1:52:30] and it had

[1:52:31] hard bodies

[1:52:31] followed by

[1:52:32] too

[1:52:33] again

[1:52:35] too

[1:52:35] again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:36] Dan has

[1:52:37] discovered

[1:52:37] this TV

[1:52:38] channel that

[1:52:38] I think

[1:52:39] this is like

[1:52:39] a Daniel

[1:52:39] Pinkwater

[1:52:40] lizard music

[1:52:41] type scenario

[1:52:41] where it's

[1:52:42] just beamed

[1:52:42] into Dan's

[1:52:43] house.

[1:52:43] It's this

[1:52:44] whole channel

[1:52:44] that's just

[1:52:45] 80s TNA

[1:52:45] and horror movies

[1:52:46] and monster

[1:52:47] movies.

[1:52:48] It's like

[1:52:49] I don't know

[1:52:49] what's going

[1:52:50] it's like

[1:52:50] I worry that

[1:52:51] it's part of

[1:52:52] some demon's

[1:52:53] plot to

[1:52:53] ensnare Dan's

[1:52:54] soul after a

[1:52:55] certain amount

[1:52:55] of time.

[1:52:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:57] But that's not

[1:52:57] the movie I'm

[1:52:58] recommending.

[1:52:59] I'm recommending

[1:52:59] I mean

[1:53:00] obviously if

[1:53:01] you're going to

[1:53:01] watch a stupid

[1:53:02] sex comedy

[1:53:03] from the 80s

[1:53:03] you should watch

[1:53:04] Joysticks

[1:53:05] which is

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:06] delightfully

[1:53:08] idiotic.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:11] But anyway

[1:53:12] no I'm

[1:53:13] recommending

[1:53:13] although I

[1:53:14] mean Joysticks

[1:53:15] is a fine

[1:53:16] recommendation

[1:53:16] but I'm

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:17] I like

[1:53:20] I can see

[1:53:21] the angel

[1:53:21] and the devil

[1:53:22] on Dan's

[1:53:22] shoulders

[1:53:23] and the devil's

[1:53:23] like just go

[1:53:24] ahead and

[1:53:24] recommend Joysticks.

[1:53:25] Nobody will

[1:53:26] judge you.

[1:53:26] If you had a

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:26] better movie

[1:53:27] to recommend

[1:53:27] just do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:29] It's a safe

[1:53:29] space.

[1:53:30] No it's not.

[1:53:31] It's not a safe

[1:53:31] space at all.

[1:53:33] I'm recommending

[1:53:34] Bone Tomahawk

[1:53:35] which we've talked

[1:53:35] about in this

[1:53:36] movie

[1:53:36] on this podcast

[1:53:37] before.

[1:53:38] And I just

[1:53:39] want to

[1:53:39] the one thought

[1:53:40] I had

[1:53:40] which is I

[1:53:41] texted

[1:53:42] Ellie and Stu

[1:53:43] is between

[1:53:44] this and The

[1:53:44] Descent

[1:53:45] it seems like

[1:53:46] movies with

[1:53:47] troglodytes

[1:53:47] in them

[1:53:48] like all

[1:53:49] of them are

[1:53:50] super tense

[1:53:51] even before

[1:53:51] the monsters

[1:53:52] show up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:53] Yeah like in

[1:53:53] the movie

[1:53:54] Trog you're

[1:53:54] like why

[1:53:55] is she doing

[1:53:56] this?

[1:53:57] Why does he

[1:53:57] have to be

[1:53:58] in this movie?

[1:53:58] She's one of

[1:53:59] the great

[1:53:59] screen legends.

[1:54:00] Why is she

[1:54:01] in this film?

Dan McCoy

[1:54:02] But I mean

[1:54:04] there's part

[1:54:05] of the movie

[1:54:05] Bone Tomahawk

[1:54:06] is a guy

[1:54:06] in the Old

[1:54:08] West where

[1:54:08] they did not

[1:54:09] have good

[1:54:10] medical care

[1:54:11] having to

[1:54:12] ride out

[1:54:12] and then walk

[1:54:13] on a broken

[1:54:15] leg that is

[1:54:16] splinted and

[1:54:17] I found that

[1:54:18] probably more

[1:54:19] distressing than

[1:54:20] any part of

[1:54:21] the movie that

[1:54:22] came at the

[1:54:22] end.

[1:54:22] Than any

[1:54:23] part?

[1:54:24] Well there is a

[1:54:25] very famous scene

[1:54:26] in Bone Tomahawk

[1:54:26] that is quite

[1:54:27] grotesque but

[1:54:28] we won't get

[1:54:29] into that.

[1:54:30] We won't spoil

[1:54:30] that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:31] Let's just say

[1:54:32] it involves a

[1:54:33] Bone Tomahawk.

[1:54:34] It does.

[1:54:34] Yeah I mean I

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:35] think I

[1:54:36] recommended it in

[1:54:36] the past or

[1:54:37] Elliot recommended

[1:54:38] it and I

[1:54:38] think it's got

[1:54:38] some really

[1:54:39] great stuff.

[1:54:39] Richard Jenkins

[1:54:40] gives an

[1:54:41] amazing performance.

[1:54:43] Yeah.

[1:54:46] Yeah.

[1:54:47] Yeah.

[1:54:48] Yeah.

[1:54:49] It potentially has

[1:54:50] troubling politics

[1:54:51] but yeah.

[1:54:52] The movie takes

Dan McCoy

[1:54:54] great pains to

[1:54:55] try and divorce

[1:54:56] the monsters from

[1:54:57] Native Americans.

[1:54:58] I'm not quite sure

[1:55:00] it totally works.

[1:55:01] So that's a

[1:55:04] troubling element

[1:55:05] of the film but

[1:55:06] otherwise it's

[1:55:07] quite a fine piece

[1:55:09] of exploitation

[1:55:10] filmmaking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:12] I'm going to

[1:55:13] recommend a big

[1:55:14] action movie.

[1:55:16] This is I'm

[1:55:17] going to recommend

[1:55:17] an action movie

[1:55:18] that I kind of

[1:55:19] consider to be

[1:55:20] foundational for

[1:55:21] action movies in

[1:55:22] general.

[1:55:23] I'm sure we've

[1:55:24] talked about it on

[1:55:24] the show but I

[1:55:25] don't think I've

[1:55:25] ever recommended

[1:55:25] it.

[1:55:26] I'm going to

[1:55:27] recommend the

[1:55:28] movie from 1992

[1:55:29] called Hard

[1:55:30] Boiled.

[1:55:32] It's my body.

[1:55:33] It's Hard

[1:55:34] Bodies.

[1:55:35] I said it

[1:55:36] wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:38] John Woo's

[1:55:38] Hard Bodies

[1:55:39] would be a very

[1:55:40] different movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:41] Just like

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:42] glistening abs

[1:55:43] with doves

[1:55:44] flying off of

[1:55:44] them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:46] But Chow Yun

[1:55:48] Fat's great in

[1:55:48] Hard Bodies.

[1:55:51] So Chow Yun

[1:55:52] Fat who is

[1:55:53] I know I'm

[1:55:54] pronouncing it

[1:55:55] wrong but I'm

[1:55:56] saying it the

[1:55:57] more fun way

[1:55:57] for me.

[1:55:59] He stars in

[1:56:01] it.

[1:56:01] He's been in

[1:56:02] a bunch of

[1:56:02] John Woo's

[1:56:02] movies.

[1:56:04] This is like

[1:56:04] the kind of

[1:56:06] the for me

[1:56:07] the perfect

[1:56:08] like bullet

[1:56:08] ballet Hong

[1:56:10] Kong action

[1:56:10] movie.

[1:56:12] You got a

[1:56:13] good cop and

[1:56:14] a bad cop and

[1:56:15] you got Chow Yun

[1:56:15] Fat playing a

[1:56:16] cop named

[1:56:17] Tequila which

[1:56:18] is awesome.

[1:56:21] There's a lot

[1:56:22] of shooting and

[1:56:23] this movie

[1:56:24] similar to

[1:56:25] Justice League

[1:56:26] there's a lot

[1:56:27] at stake.

[1:56:28] You know

[1:56:29] there's a

[1:56:29] scene just

[1:56:31] like how

[1:56:32] Justice League

[1:56:33] The Fate of

[1:56:33] the World's

[1:56:33] at stake.

[1:56:35] Hard Boiled

[1:56:35] actually takes

[1:56:36] that and makes

[1:56:37] you feel it

[1:56:38] by having a

[1:56:39] scene where

[1:56:40] in this

[1:56:41] hospital there's

[1:56:42] a room full of

[1:56:43] babies that are

[1:56:43] going to get set

[1:56:44] on fire and

[1:56:45] our hero has to

[1:56:46] get all those

[1:56:47] babies out and

[1:56:48] his pants catch

[1:56:49] on fire and the

[1:56:50] baby pees on

[1:56:51] the fire and he

[1:56:54] calls the baby a

[1:56:54] little piss pot or

[1:56:55] something and it's

[1:56:56] awesome.

[1:56:57] So watch Hard

[1:56:58] Boiled.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:00] There's something

[1:57:01] about the Hong Kong

[1:57:02] action movies where

[1:57:03] it's like the most

[1:57:04] intense action, the

[1:57:05] most over the

[1:57:06] top emotion and

[1:57:07] then the dumbest

[1:57:08] like kind of

[1:57:09] gags that it's a

[1:57:11] beautiful stew.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:12] Yep, a beautiful

[1:57:13] stew starring me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:16] It's like I had

[1:57:17] to, I'm working

[1:57:17] on a presentation

[1:57:18] right now for one

[1:57:19] of our live shows

[1:57:19] and I had to watch

[1:57:20] a little bit of

[1:57:21] Rumble in the

[1:57:21] Bronx and I hadn't

[1:57:24] watched that in

[1:57:25] years and I was

[1:57:25] like I forgot how

[1:57:26] goofy this movie

[1:57:27] is.

[1:57:28] Like it's so

[1:57:28] goofy.

[1:57:29] But that's, it's a

[1:57:30] Jackie Chan movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:31] It was really great

[1:57:32] though.

[1:57:32] It was a really

[1:57:33] great way for me to

[1:57:33] prepare to move to

[1:57:34] New York City.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:35] Well, better bone

[1:57:38] up on what this

[1:57:39] place is like.

[1:57:40] Jackie, show me

[1:57:41] the way.

[1:57:43] I'll recommend my

[1:57:44] movie real quick

[1:57:45] since we're

[1:57:45] probably running

[1:57:46] long.

[1:57:46] It better be

[1:57:47] Rumble in the

[1:57:47] Bronx.

[1:57:52] So my movie is

[1:57:53] going to be, so

[1:57:55] look guys, we're

[1:57:56] living at a time

[1:57:57] when it seems like

[1:57:58] Washington is in

[1:57:58] crisis.

[1:57:59] Politics is really,

[1:58:00] is full of kind

[1:58:01] of slimy types

[1:58:02] and we all yearn

[1:58:03] back for the better

[1:58:04] times before then.

[1:58:05] Right?

[1:58:06] Before now, when

[1:58:06] it was, when

[1:58:07] things were better

[1:58:07] and people were

[1:58:08] honest.

[1:58:08] I'm here to tell

[1:58:09] you it was never

[1:58:10] that way.

[1:58:10] And I want to

[1:58:10] recommend a movie

[1:58:11] that kind of

[1:58:11] points that up.

[1:58:12] So this is the

[1:58:13] movie Advise and

[1:58:14] Consent from

[1:58:15] 1962.

[1:58:16] It's an Otto

[1:58:16] Preminger movie

[1:58:17] about the

[1:58:18] president has

[1:58:18] nominated Henry

[1:58:20] Fonda for

[1:58:20] secretary of state.

[1:58:21] Not the actor

[1:58:22] Henry Fonda,

[1:58:22] but a character

[1:58:23] Henry Fonda is

[1:58:24] playing.

[1:58:25] And Henry Fonda

[1:58:26] has some, has a

[1:58:27] leftist connection

[1:58:28] in his past, was a,

[1:58:30] possibly a red at

[1:58:31] some point.

[1:58:32] And this is

[1:58:32] about the

[1:58:32] Senate and all

[1:58:34] the different

[1:58:34] senators and the

[1:58:35] president, everybody

[1:58:35] maneuvering to try

[1:58:37] to either get

[1:58:38] this appointment

[1:58:38] forward or stop

[1:58:39] it.

[1:58:40] And in doing so,

[1:58:41] one senator who

[1:58:42] has a secret in

[1:58:44] his past that

[1:58:44] now, especially

[1:58:46] looking at it from

[1:58:47] this vantage point,

[1:58:48] is, you know, is

[1:58:50] something that we

[1:58:50] look at differently

[1:58:52] now than they would

[1:58:53] have then, becomes

[1:58:55] the crux of the

[1:58:56] whole thing.

[1:58:57] And just giving

[1:58:58] the spoilering a

[1:58:59] little bit about

[1:58:59] it, it's, I

[1:59:00] think, might be the

[1:59:01] first Hollywood movie

[1:59:02] to have a scene

[1:59:03] set in a gay bar.

[1:59:05] Certainly the first

[1:59:06] Hollywood movie in

[1:59:07] the, you know, in

[1:59:08] the second half of

[1:59:09] the century to have

[1:59:09] a scene set in a

[1:59:10] gay bar.

[1:59:10] And it's very

[1:59:11] interesting to watch

[1:59:12] how this movie

[1:59:12] shows kind of

[1:59:15] like a scandal

[1:59:17] around a character

[1:59:18] having a gay past

[1:59:19] without the movie

[1:59:20] necessarily looking

[1:59:22] down on it in a

[1:59:22] bad way or judging

[1:59:23] it.

[1:59:24] But it's a, it's

[1:59:26] the movie has got

[1:59:27] a star-studded cast.

[1:59:28] You got Henry Fonda,

[1:59:29] Charles Loughton's

[1:59:29] in it, Burgess

[1:59:30] Meredith's in it,

[1:59:32] Betty White makes

[1:59:33] her film debut in a

[1:59:34] small part in it.

[1:59:35] There's a, Fran

[1:59:36] Shot Tone is in it,

[1:59:37] Gene Tierney's in it,

[1:59:38] Peter Lawford's in it,

[1:59:38] Walter Pidgeon, all

[1:59:39] your favorite actors.

[1:59:41] And it's one of

[1:59:42] these movies that

[1:59:43] occasionally the

[1:59:43] characters speechify

[1:59:45] a little bit too

[1:59:46] much and get a little

[1:59:47] too long.

[1:59:47] But it's like, just

[1:59:50] feels like you're

[1:59:50] like, okay, this is

[1:59:52] reassuring to me that

[1:59:52] Washington was kind

[1:59:53] of always filled

[1:59:54] with the worst

[1:59:55] people playing

[1:59:56] tricks on each

[1:59:57] other and kind

[1:59:58] of doing things

[1:59:58] for personal gain

[2:00:00] rather than what's

[2:00:01] good for anybody

[2:00:01] else.

[2:00:02] I found that, I

[2:00:03] think at the time

[2:00:03] it was meant to

[2:00:04] be kind of like a

[2:00:04] poison letter to

[2:00:06] Washington about

[2:00:06] what a corrupt

[2:00:07] place it is, but

[2:00:08] looking at it now

[2:00:08] it's like, this is

[2:00:09] very comforting to

[2:00:10] me.

[2:00:12] It's kind of always

[2:00:13] been that way.

[2:00:14] So advise and

[2:00:14] consent.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:16] Yeah, that's a

[2:00:16] good one.

[2:00:17] Three movies.

[2:00:18] Four if you

[2:00:19] count hard bodies.

[2:00:21] Five if you

[2:00:21] count joysticks.

[2:00:24] Which is less

[2:00:26] offensive than

[2:00:26] hard bodies.

[2:00:26] I don't necessarily

[2:00:27] recommend hard bodies.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:30] Okay, you gotta

[2:00:30] keep one foot on

[2:00:31] the beach, I guess,

[2:00:32] Dan.

[2:00:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:35] So guys, I guess

[2:00:37] that's it.

[2:00:38] We've had a good time.

[2:00:39] That's on another

[2:00:40] flop house.

[2:00:41] Mm-hmm.

[2:00:41] But for now, I've

[2:00:44] been...

[2:00:44] Wait, hold on.

[2:00:45] Hey, Dan, before

[2:00:45] we go, before we

[2:00:46] go, what did you

[2:00:47] learn today?

[2:00:51] Jesus, Elliot, why

[2:00:52] did you do this to

[2:00:52] me?

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:53] This is the only

[2:00:53] way you can pay

[2:00:55] the boatman.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:58] I learned that

[2:01:00] Elliot and I have

[2:01:03] different feelings on

[2:01:04] the Flash, and

[2:01:05] that's all right.

[2:01:06] We're different

[2:01:06] people.

[2:01:07] Okay, what did

[2:01:08] you learn today,

[2:01:08] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:09] I think what I

[2:01:11] learned was that

[2:01:12] there's a lot more

[2:01:14] going on in the TV

[2:01:15] show Riverdale and

[2:01:16] the moms therein

[2:01:17] than I ever

[2:01:18] realized.

[2:01:20] And Stuart, what

[2:01:20] did you learn?

Stuart Wellington

[2:01:21] And I learned that

[2:01:22] Elliot hasn't been

[2:01:23] paying attention to

[2:01:24] my fan fiction

[2:01:24] before now.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:26] I told you I read

[2:01:28] it, though.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:29] All right, well,

[2:01:30] now for the

[2:01:31] Flophouse.

[2:01:32] I've been Dan

[2:01:32] McCoy.

[2:01:33] I've been Stuart

[2:01:34] Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:35] And I'm Elliot

[2:01:37] Kalin, saying to

[2:01:38] you out there,

[2:01:39] thanks for listening.

[2:01:40] Good night.

[2:01:41] Bye.

[2:01:47] Next weekend.

[2:01:48] Woo!

[2:01:49] DC.

[2:01:50] Are we going to

[2:01:51] kiss?

[2:01:52] You know it.

[2:01:54] Um, all right.

[2:01:55] I'm going to be in

[2:01:55] a foreign city all

[2:01:56] by myself.

[2:01:57] Who knows what

[2:01:58] could happen?

[2:01:58] Perhaps it's time

[2:01:59] to make this sexual

[2:02:00] tension into just

[2:02:01] sexual.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:02] Yep.

[2:02:03] One night in DC

[2:02:04] makes the tough

[2:02:05] men sexy.

[2:02:08] The implication

[2:02:09] there is that

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:09] tough men are not

[2:02:10] sexy, which

[2:02:11] I'm not very

[2:02:11] funny.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:13] It's something

[2:02:13] that Terry

[2:02:14] Cruz wrote an

[2:02:14] entire book

[2:02:15] about.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:18] The his book

[2:02:19] Cruise Control?

[2:02:20] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:22] Did not sell

[2:02:23] well.

[2:02:23] People mistook

[2:02:24] it for speed

[2:02:25] too, so.

[2:02:26] Yeah, nobody

[2:02:26] wants that.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:27] It's why people

[2:02:27] don't buy shoes

[2:02:30] from Shoes for

[2:02:30] Cruise, because

[2:02:31] they think they're

[2:02:31] only for Terry

[2:02:32] Cruz.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:35] It's like,

[2:02:36] those shoes

[2:02:36] won't fit me.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:37] Yeah.

[2:02:38] I don't want to

[2:02:38] take the limited

[2:02:39] resource of shoes

[2:02:40] that are exclusively

[2:02:41] for Terry

[2:02:42] Cruz.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:43] Maximumfun.org

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:45] Comedy and

[2:02:46] culture.

[2:02:46] Artist owned.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:47] Listener supported.

Ep. #258 - Justice League

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