Ep. #258 - Justice League

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Justice League and the mystery of the Three Squares.

[0:06] Part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[0:09] No, no!

[0:31] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] And what's new with Dan?

[0:40] Well, OK, you've derailed things two seconds into the podcast, if that.

[0:47] Well, we can't start all over.

[0:48] He raises a good question, though.

[0:50] What is new with Dan?

[0:51] Dan, give us one new thing or else we won't let you cross the mystic bridge to the episode.

[0:56] This is the gift you must give the riverboat ferryman in order to get to the Flophouse.

[1:01] One new thing.

[1:02] I have a mild cold, which for longtime listeners isn't that new a thing.

[1:07] Seems to happen most episodes.

[1:10] Yeah.

[1:11] Well, I'm Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Podcast.

[1:14] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:16] And I just am so excited about the way Dan burst into the episode with more energy than I think we've ever seen him before.

[1:23] And Stu just shut him down.

[1:27] Oh, guys.

[1:28] So this is a great jumping on point for new listeners.

[1:33] Is it?

[1:34] We just finished a big storyline.

[1:36] I got a I got a co-worker who I'm trying to recommend the show to.

[1:41] OK, so let's yeah, let's make sure that this is a good entry level thing.

[1:46] Stu, by co-worker, wouldn't you mean employee?

[1:48] Because you own a bar.

[1:50] Your co-workers are your employees at the bar.

[1:52] Technically, yes.

[1:53] But it's kind of like how I describe my mom is also my best friend.

[1:56] OK.

[1:57] Yeah, I've heard you do that many times.

[1:59] I do it all the time.

[2:01] I don't stop talking about my mom.

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:04] Stuart's all about moms.

[2:06] Yeah.

[2:07] He's like, Marge, you're listening.

[2:08] You're the best.

[2:10] That was very sweet.

[2:11] That was sweet.

[2:12] Now I feel like I need to shout out to my mom.

[2:14] Happy Mother's Day.

[2:16] My mom.

[2:18] Lovely, lovely human being.

[2:20] The nicest.

[2:22] My mom, Abby Kalin, is great, but she doesn't listen to this.

[2:25] As she's told me before, I don't like that.

[2:27] That's not for me about this podcast.

[2:30] That seems totally fair.

[2:32] So I don't need to shout out to her.

[2:34] It fits her demographic and interests perfectly.

[2:37] I'm not surprised by it.

[2:39] Yeah.

[2:40] What, that she doesn't like our podcast?

[2:42] Yes, I'm not surprised by that.

[2:44] Cool.

[2:45] So what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[2:47] Now that you're done dicking around.

[2:49] Mostly we talk about moms.

[2:51] Welcome to the mom house, everybody.

[2:54] Yeah.

[2:56] I believe that would be One Bad Mother also on this podcasting network.

[3:00] Yeah, which is a much better and more informative show.

[3:02] If you're looking for mom content, that's where you should look for it.

[3:05] Or Mom Tent.

[3:07] That's a tent you put a mom in while she's in labor.

[3:10] Wow.

[3:12] For privacy, I guess?

[3:14] There's any number of reasons you might want to put someone in a tent.

[3:17] But that's one of them.

[3:18] Okay.

[3:21] Now I'm just thinking about the – never mind.

[3:23] It's not worth the digression.

[3:25] So on this podcast, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:30] Oh, yeah.

[3:31] And that's what we do.

[3:32] And this time we watched a movie called Just Ice League

[3:37] about a league of people who just want ice and nothing else.

[3:41] And when they're like those people who are like at a fast food restaurant,

[3:45] they're like, just give me a cup of ice.

[3:47] Don't charge me for it.

[3:48] I don't want the soda.

[3:49] I'm just going to chew on the ice.

[3:50] And they're like, those cups are considered drinks.

[3:52] And they're going to do an accounting at the end of the day.

[3:54] Every cup that we give away, it's going to come out of my salary.

[3:57] And they're like, I just want ice.

[3:59] You're going to charge me for a cup with ice?

[4:01] This is ridiculous.

[4:02] And then they get into a big fight that gets put on a cell phone video,

[4:05] and that becomes a huge hit and turns into memes.

[4:07] That's the plot of Just Ice League.

[4:09] Well, so was it a good, good movie, a good, bad movie, or a sweet, bad movie?

[4:14] Or Dan is snortifying.

[4:16] A sweet, bad movie.

[4:20] It was a bad movie, but I found it eerily touching.

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:24] I mean, that was Power Rangers for me, to be honest.

[4:26] A sweet, bad movie.

[4:28] Or Sweet Sweetback's Badass Song, the Van Peebles film.

[4:32] That's also kind of a –

[4:34] But anyway, Dan, so we did not watch Just Ice League, right?

[4:39] Since you got it wrong, I'm going to turn to Stuart.

[4:41] Stuart, what movie did we watch?

[4:43] We watched Justice League, starring Batman.

[4:49] True.

[4:50] And this is one of the DC comic book movie universe family of titles,

[4:55] which has concluded, hopefully,

[4:59] which has included such previous flophouse entries as Superman v. Batman,

[5:03] Dawn of Justice, and Suicide Squad.

[5:07] Yeah.

[5:08] It's a rich vein for us.

[5:09] So thanks, DC.

[5:11] Thanks, DC, for pumping out grey, mediocre crap.

[5:18] You know, the DC movie universe is a lot like a sick dog in that it pumps out grey, mediocre crap.

[5:24] Oh, that makes me sad now.

[5:27] I'm glad that you're grading the quality of the crap.

[5:31] Mediocre!

[5:33] Mediocre at best.

[5:35] Try better next time, Woofie.

[5:37] Woofie.

[5:39] I like the true owner of a dog.

[5:43] That's a lot of energy into naming that dog.

[5:46] Isn't that part of the Westminster Kennel Club dog show is they grade their poop,

[5:49] or am I wrong about that?

[5:52] You know, what do they do, like cut it open and count the rings?

[5:56] I guess so.

[5:58] It's like an owl pellet, and you try and find out what animals the owl ate.

[6:02] Yeah, what little bones are in there.

[6:03] So here's how they grade them at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.

[6:06] Poise.

[6:08] Confidence.

[6:10] Special skill.

[6:12] Then there's something called freestyle.

[6:14] I don't know what that is.

[6:15] I guess they just do whatever they want.

[6:16] Poop.

[6:17] It's where they swim with their front paws over like a crawl.

[6:22] Oh, I see.

[6:23] Yeah, yeah.

[6:24] So there's poop, then there's fur, teeth, bark, bite.

[6:30] Okay.

[6:31] And here's the weird thing.

[6:32] You want the bark to be worse than the bite.

[6:35] That's very counterintuitive, but that's how they judge these things.

[6:37] That's how they show you're really training.

[6:39] And lastly, it's hot or not.

[6:43] Okay.

[6:44] Oh, wow, okay.

[6:45] Well, this is a lot more perverse than I imagined it.

[6:47] I mean it's weird that they put it on after the Macy's Day parade, Thanksgiving Day parade.

[6:52] For like four hours with Jay Peterman just going through the whole thing like it's no big deal.

[6:56] Yeah, really weird stuff for a national audience.

[7:00] But anyway.

[7:01] Are we still talking about dogs?

[7:03] I don't know.

[7:04] I mean this will be dating when you watch this, but a national audience did yesterday just watch a hereditary monarchy absorb one more person into its dark web of secrets and lies.

[7:16] So that was a national pageant.

[7:18] You're making it sound much more exciting than it probably is.

[7:21] Okay, guys.

[7:24] So Justice League.

[7:25] Should we dive into this thing like Greg Louganis would if it was a pool?

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:30] Can I have a big bowl of this movie right now please?

[7:32] Yep.

[7:33] Yes, you may.

[7:34] So Justice League begins.

[7:36] We have some cell phone video of Superman.

[7:38] I assume in the aftermath of his killing thousands of people in this big fight in Metropolis, he's being interviewed by some offscreen kids for a podcast.

[7:46] Uh huh.

[7:47] And they ask him.

[7:48] You guys had to have felt a little bit like that was us, right?

[7:51] That's kind of what we sound like.

[7:54] I was like Justice League.

[7:55] Is this a preemptive strike against us because we're jerks and we're child children men?

[7:59] Yeah.

[8:00] Or it's just a tie in for that Josh Radner show.

[8:02] Wait, not Josh Radner.

[8:03] The other guy.

[8:04] Fucking.

[8:05] Brett Radner.

[8:06] Garden Snake.

[8:07] Zach Braff.

[8:08] Zach Braff.

[8:09] Yeah, yeah.

[8:10] Josh Radner.

[8:11] That's a name you'd call Zach Braff, I guess.

[8:13] They're basically the same human being.

[8:15] Yeah.

[8:16] Zach Braff in the Jesse Thorne story podcast.

[8:18] The show.

[8:19] Exactly.

[8:20] This was.

[8:21] But wait.

[8:22] Zach Braff doesn't have a huge beard in that show.

[8:24] Jesse Thorne has a huge beard.

[8:26] I've never noticed it.

[8:27] His wife.

[8:29] Wow.

[8:31] Not.

[8:32] No.

[8:33] You're not OK, Dan.

[8:34] No, I'm sorry.

[8:37] I'm not.

[8:38] That's the hardest Dan's ever laughed at a joke.

[8:41] No.

[8:44] Jesse's in a loving marriage.

[8:48] Dan, you're making it worse.

[8:51] Why did he wink when you said loving?

[8:54] Why did.

[8:55] Oh, boy.

[8:56] I don't know why.

[8:57] We have a lot of fun here, don't we?

[8:59] So, yeah, lots of fun anyway.

[9:01] So Superman's being interviewed for a podcast and the kids ask him, hey, what's the best

[9:05] thing about planet Earth?

[9:06] And he has he gets suddenly very serious and has no answer.

[9:09] And it ends the scene.

[9:10] And I was like, if there's anything that encapsulates the DC movie universe, it is the idea that

[9:15] there is nothing good about the planet Earth.

[9:18] Yeah.

[9:19] That U.S. Superman that the smiling symbol of of justice and sunshine.

[9:24] What's best about Earth?

[9:25] And he has nothing to tell you.

[9:27] And it's it's like if I can go off on a slight tangent about Marvel versus DC here, it's

[9:31] like.

[9:32] Mark, in the Marvel universe, there's so many things that characters are seen enjoying on

[9:37] screen.

[9:38] Food is good.

[9:39] Music is good.

[9:40] Like they talk about hanging around movies they watch.

[9:43] What?

[9:44] Just like hanging around with your friends, like hanging out, playing, playing pranks,

[9:49] picking up hammers.

[9:51] Whereas, yeah, picking up trying to pick up each other's hammers.

[9:54] Whereas in the DC universe, life is about like duty and responsibility and just like

[9:59] suffering.

[10:00] suffering not suffering suffering and I was like okay so the Marvel Cinematic

[10:04] Universe is like Athens and the DC Cinematic Universe is like Sparta and

[10:08] one of them is like a place people live and enjoy themselves and the other is a

[10:14] place where you exist only to serve I guess the higher purpose of suffering

[10:20] for the enjoyment of the gods I don't know who are us it was it was like I was

[10:25] like DC you're showing your cards very early to have Superman literally unable

[10:28] to make up a bullshit answer for a bunch of kids about something he likes

[10:32] about earth now do you think it was hard because they had a they had to add an

[10:36] upper lip to him in post because he had a mustache when they filmed it yeah oh

[10:43] yeah he was he was putting so much effort into hiding his mustache that he

[10:46] couldn't think of anything yeah that's a fun fact that I'm sure most people know

[10:51] but apparently for the all the extensive reshoots of this movie Henry Cavill had

[10:56] to have a mustache due to contractual reasons and so they had to digitally

[11:00] erase his mustache for the movie which seems insane yeah but to be honest I

[11:05] expected it to be more obvious that he had a digital upper lip everybody was

[11:09] talking about it and yet if you hadn't told me I don't know that I would have

[11:12] noticed it to be honest yeah I mean you're not that familiar with Henry

[11:15] Cavill's normal face right mm-hmm very unfamiliar with it I'd like to get to

[11:19] know it better he's a handsome man yeah so we have the opening cell phone clip

[11:24] and then we go right to shots of flags right we go to we go to sadness montage

[11:30] because Superman's dead Superman the character nobody trusted or liked in the

[11:35] previous movies has now after his death been widely accepted as the symbol of

[11:41] everything that's best about life and humanity which in a way I guess is like

[11:45] a pretty accurate rendition of what happens to controversial figures when

[11:50] they die like once they're no longer threatening to the people that they were

[11:54] pushing against they become kind of just generally accepted symbols of

[11:58] goodness like it like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and things like that and

[12:02] Christ you know like as soon as they're dead it's like oh okay well now we can

[12:07] all agree this was like a pretty cool guy well when he was alive you didn't

[12:10] like him yeah but come on now in retrospect now that he can't stop me

[12:14] anymore all right I'll put a statue up now that he can't hurt me now that the

[12:19] monsters got Superman's dead everybody's sad and you might be like

[12:25] wasn't everybody already sad in the DC universe yeah but now they're really sad

[12:28] and I kind of I wouldn't have been surprised if they're just been a

[12:31] newspaper montage of headlines that are like millions commit suicide no reason

[12:35] to live anymore now that Superman's gone yeah entirety of Japan sinks into sea

[12:41] sorry not interested in life gotta go yeah I think I mean I think we're

[12:45] officially so I watched this with my wife and so she didn't know she hadn't

[12:50] seen any of the previous movies I think she saw clips of Suicide Squad before

[12:54] leaving the room in annoyance but uh oh but we so we were watching we were

[13:00] watching this movie and I think you're you're actually informed that Superman

[13:03] is dead with like a rained on newspaper on a Gotham City roof right yeah and so

[13:11] she's like Superman's dead I'm like oh it's a story oh wait you're right cuz I

[13:17] forgot before we go to the opening titles you uh you see Batman he traps a

[13:23] burglar so that he can use the burglars fear to draw out a parademon eat the

[13:27] fear is bait for a parademon which is a flying kind of gremlin II steam punky

[13:32] monster and we'll get into it later that's what he was doing and and they

[13:37] fight and the demon explodes into green paint for some reason and then the

[13:41] burglar goes those aliens are probably coming cuz Superman's gone what are we

[13:46] gonna do without Superman this is the burglar saying also I want to say that

[13:51] during this fight Batman does it the goofiest looking flip off of something

[13:54] onto the burglar and I was like for a second I'm like are we in Batman and

[13:59] Robin like it seemed like out of a bad movie different style Batman movie yeah

[14:05] are we watching rat think of boo-boo I do like the moment when he jumps and

[14:10] starts riding the parademon and it looks really realistic and then the

[14:14] parademon comes flies around in a big circle and then just goes and crashes

[14:18] back down on the same roof they started on that seems crazy well I mean I guess

[14:24] that's it's nice for the parademon to bring him back to that burglar so the

[14:27] burglar can explain things the burglars the herald of Steppenwolf the villain is

[14:36] like I've placed one petty burglar among you he's just gonna walk around talking

[14:41] about how there's trouble coming anyway that's where we have the the sad opening

[14:45] titles we see even the Kent farm Clark Kent's childhood farm has been

[14:49] foreclosed on because I guess his mom can't meet the payments and

[14:53] meanwhile payment starring Ben Stiller so what's the plot of meet the payments

[15:01] and pitch it to me so he's marrying a bank or what is going on and wait did

[15:08] Bobby D bank Robert De Niro is the head of the bank

[15:12] that may be silly if he was playing a bank come on yeah I mean that's crazy

[15:17] like do you have to like walk into his mouth to get into the bank vault he

[15:23] could be playing mr. Banks from Mary Poppins sure anything's possible yeah

[15:29] big world it could happen movie star and TV star Jonathan Banks that's right

[15:34] that's true or kid secret agent Cody Banks there are a lot of banks we

[15:41] haven't even scratched the surface of Carlton Banks the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

[15:45] is true hero I forgot there was an agent Cody Banks we have fun here yeah

[15:54] hey guys remember when agent Cody Banks died and the world was plunged into

[15:58] misery and sadness so I told him not to ride that skateboard after all his

[16:06] superadventures that's what killed him he rode a skateboard down a flight of

[16:09] stairs yeah like I just walked walked out I'm dude breakfast so wait the

[16:18] cereals not getting that soggy so okay the DC Universe is in crisis in London

[16:25] Wonder Woman fight some terrorists who blame the modern world for aliens coming

[16:30] and they want to blow up some stuff because nothing happens in the DC

[16:34] Universe that's not about whatever is going on in the DC Universe

[16:38] this is a really great action scene where she I don't know like the pacing

[16:45] and editing of these action sequences where this guy is shooting a machine gun

[16:48] and she's just like really quickly blocking the bullets it's done in the

[16:52] most herky-jerky fashion so that it it takes out anything that might be

[16:56] exciting about it like it feels like why are you even casting an athletic person

[17:01] you could have anyone be doing this yeah also Wonder Woman is operating beneath

[17:06] the radar as only someone wearing a leather miniskirt and having a glowing

[17:10] rope could do well the fact that she is she's standing on top of a giant what

[17:16] scales of justice statue above a roof and she just kind of senses that there's

[17:20] a problem going on in the building like the characters do a lot of here it may

[17:24] be okay here's a problem with the DC Universe I hadn't thought about until

[17:27] now the characters do a lot of acting like superheroes are supposed to act and

[17:31] doing like superhero pose things but things that don't really make sense

[17:35] within the story or world that they've created if that makes sense no that's

[17:40] like that's been my problem with ever since like Man of Steel's it feels like

[17:44] the movies aren't doing the legwork to get to these points like they're just

[17:50] like oh everybody already knows that let's just get to this like oh yeah

[17:54] Superman he's gonna he just does that I mean there's something to be said for

[17:57] that in that like the by this point even as a total Marvel zombie I'm starting to

[18:03] get kind of fatigued by all the Marvel movies where I'm like I kind of wish I

[18:06] could watch one of these without watching 17 other movies but but I bet

[18:11] there's a there's a happy medium I guess the fact that James Bond continues to

[18:15] this day making movies where you don't really need to know much going in other

[18:19] than James Bond's a secret agent and he likes to have sex with women and and

[18:24] gambling and then you go and he just had an adventure and then it's over but you

[18:27] definitely have to know those things going in without that information you

[18:32] would be so lost you'd be like why you would be like with that woman in that

[18:36] bed I don't know yeah you'd go up to people as a sociopath what is he doing

[18:40] the movie theater and be like excuse me can you explain this to me and they're

[18:44] like shut up dude now I'm sure this man appears to be a flirting with this woman

[18:51] as if he wants to have sex with her is that true am I reading that situation

[18:55] correctly I don't know the backstory because it also feels like he's

[18:59] threatening her in a way and I don't think that's cool yeah very true so

[19:06] anyway Batman aka Bruce Wayne and this is because there's a number of scenes

[19:10] with Bruce Wayne where I think Ben Affleck just didn't want to put on a

[19:13] Batman costume he goes to Iceland to snuff out the their snuff out to sniff

[19:18] out kill to find to find Aquaman who is the Thor of these movies in that he is a

[19:25] blatant ripoff of Thor from the Marvel movies where he's just like a big

[19:29] bearded bro who's like all about drinking and fighting and I think he's

[19:34] like introduced to like a rock song yeah right yeah well also and I mean let's

[19:41] make it clear to that Batman is like trying to put together the super team

[19:44] because he has this vague is this vague sense that something is coming yeah as

[19:50] a prophecy of three squares yeah he has he he did find he has Lex Luthor's notes

[19:55] which seem to say that something's coming he did fight an alien demon on a

[19:59] rooftop

[20:00] And also he had a bad dream in the last movie. Remember that one?

[20:05] Yeah, I do remember that.

[20:07] Anyway, he goes to Iceland, and there's a cut, and Aquaman's like,

[20:11] So you fight crime dressed as a bat?

[20:13] And he's like, Yeah, I do.

[20:14] And it's like, Batman is very casually just dropping his secret identity

[20:18] with this man he just met, who, best case scenario,

[20:22] is kind of like just a kind of drunk heavy metal fan

[20:25] who hangs out underwater all the time.

[20:29] But Aquaman says, No way, dude. I'm not interested in fighting crime.

[20:33] All I do is I just want to be left alone in the oceans.

[20:36] And then he takes his shirt off, and you're like, I get it.

[20:41] We go on to meet our...

[20:45] I'm buying whatever this guy is selling.

[20:48] He takes his shirt off, and you're like, Check, not please.

[20:51] I'll stick around.

[20:53] Because that's what you have to do in a restaurant.

[20:56] No, no, no, no, no. Don't bring me the check yet.

[20:59] I would like to have a meal.

[21:02] I want to continue taking up this sixth top.

[21:04] I know there are people waiting over there by the door.

[21:06] I see that there's a line of people waiting.

[21:08] I know I'm done eating technically,

[21:10] but I'm still picking at the three or four peas left on my plate.

[21:13] So check, not please, sir.

[21:16] Because you have to constantly reassure the waiter that you don't need the check,

[21:20] that's why I like to just have a sign that I hang around my neck saying,

[21:23] I'm not done.

[21:25] And then do you flip it around to the other side and it says done when you're done?

[21:28] Actually, that would be pretty good.

[21:30] That might be helpful in a restaurant situation.

[21:33] I mean, I didn't invent that.

[21:35] That's literally how, like, rodizio restaurants work.

[21:38] Like churrascarias.

[21:40] Well, there you go.

[21:42] So you have the little...

[21:43] Okay, so yeah, you didn't steal that idea.

[21:45] It happened at the same time.

[21:47] Completely separate thoughts.

[21:49] It makes sense. Okay, cool.

[21:51] Yeah, for the legal, for the trial.

[21:54] For the court case?

[21:55] Yeah.

[21:56] In the case of McCoy v. Brazilian Barbecue?

[22:00] Mm-hmm.

[22:03] Okay, so then we meet our other soon-to-be heroes.

[22:06] There's The Flash, who is the Jim Parsons Big Bang Theory of the movie.

[22:11] He's the kind of, like, awkward nerdy guy, and he visits his dad in jail.

[22:15] His dad was convicted of a murder that The Flash thinks his dad didn't commit,

[22:19] and his dad's like, hey, stop letting me drag you back in life.

[22:22] You should leave me behind and go get a job in a real city somewhere.

[22:25] And you don't cast Jim Caviezel to cast, like, you know he's not guilty.

[22:30] He's Jesus, right?

[22:32] Yeah, that's right.

[22:33] I mean, yeah.

[22:36] Jesus.

[22:37] I mean, you're not going to, he shouldn't be in jail.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] What, that was Jim Caviezel as the dad?

[22:42] Yeah, that was him.

[22:44] Oh, okay, I didn't even recognize him.

[22:46] I guess it's been a while since I saw him in anything.

[22:48] Oh, wow.

[22:49] He was almost a person of interest for years and years.

[22:52] I was going to say, because he is a person of interest.

[22:56] Sorry about that.

[22:58] Sorry for stepping on that.

[23:00] Yeah, it was a great line.

[23:02] Anyway, forget it.

[23:03] Now it falls flat.

[23:04] Before it would have been, we would have had to stop the podcast for ten minutes

[23:07] while people just laughed and laughed, then applauded, laughed some more,

[23:11] stood up and applauded, then laughed, and then wiped away a tear,

[23:15] and then moved on with their lives with a fresh new set of purpose

[23:18] and a real feeling like they can control the world.

[23:21] Yeah, then you wait a moment, and then there's that, like, aftershock

[23:24] where you're, like, your whole body starts to quake

[23:26] and you start laughing for seemingly no reason,

[23:28] but it's because of that first joke.

[23:30] Yeah.

[23:31] I mean, it's kind of weird that we're stopping for laughs

[23:33] when they could just pause it, but I mean, I guess it's –

[23:36] No, no, they're laughing so hard they can't even control their finger

[23:39] to get to that pause point.

[23:40] If they were to touch the phone to pause it or whatever listening device,

[23:46] the vibrations from their hand would shatter the device.

[23:49] Oh, wow.

[23:50] It would just go straight through it, yeah.

[23:52] It would shatter or crack like a mother box would in this movie.

[23:57] Well, I guess that doesn't really happen ever.

[24:00] Okay, so meanwhile, then we meet Cyborg, who is a cyborg.

[24:04] His dad is a scientist who turned his son into a cyborg to save his life,

[24:07] used alien technology, and now he uses his amazing powers

[24:10] to mope around his apartment in a sweatshirt.

[24:13] Yeah, and his dad is played by Joe Morton who played Dyson in Terminator 2.

[24:20] In the Terminator movies.

[24:21] In that story about the Dyson vacuum cleaner.

[24:23] And he played the brother from another planet in the movie

[24:26] The Brother from Another Planet.

[24:28] Oh, that's such a good movie. I really like that movie.

[24:30] Yeah.

[24:31] Now, Dan, could you relate to somebody whose superpower

[24:33] is moping around their apartment?

[24:35] You know, I will say this about this character.

[24:38] Like, this is probably something that's much more common in the comics

[24:41] than in movies because I don't read comics,

[24:45] so I don't know what's, like, a cliche in comics

[24:47] versus what is, you know, common in the movies.

[24:51] But you read, like, Crazy Cat.

[24:53] Yeah, I read old remakes of newspaper strips.

[24:57] Yeah, when they do, like, the Yellow Kid movie, you'll go see that.

[25:00] Yeah.

[25:01] Ugh, what an unreadable comic the Yellow Kid is.

[25:03] Yeah, it is.

[25:05] You're like, time to sit back and catch up on the latest adventures

[25:08] of Nancy and Sluggo.

[25:10] So much continuity to deal with.

[25:12] Oh, my God.

[25:13] A Nancy movie would just be, like, a different gag every minute.

[25:16] It would be totally disconnected.

[25:19] That would be great.

[25:20] Yeah, you sit down to read your omnibus of Pogo

[25:23] and you pull out your lexicon that translates the wild patois

[25:29] that the characters speak.

[25:33] It would be helpful to have an English to Pogo dictionary.

[25:36] Yeah, I was reading that Swamp Thing that Alan Moore wrote

[25:39] that had, like, the Pogo characters in it.

[25:42] Were there aliens that are the Pogo characters?

[25:44] And I got so frustrated I almost threw the book across the room

[25:48] before I realized it would hurt the value.

[25:51] I genuinely love, like, Pogo's one of my three favorite comic strips of all time,

[25:56] and it is sometimes hard to read, and I was reading some, too, Sammy,

[26:00] and there were times when I was, like, I'd be laughing at a joke

[26:03] and I could see just total lack of comprehension on his face,

[26:06] and I'd be like, I don't even know how to explain this joke to you, Sammy.

[26:09] It requires so many layers of fake Southern wordplay.

[26:13] Like, I don't know what to tell you.

[26:15] But then he'd be like, read me another one.

[26:17] It was like he had faith that they would be funny to him eventually.

[26:20] Yeah.

[26:21] But not now, young Padawan.

[26:22] Not now.

[26:24] What I was going to say long ago, though,

[26:26] was I don't know how much of a cliche this is in the comics,

[26:29] but I haven't seen in a movie a character who is not only unhappy with his powers

[26:35] but actively, like, kind of frightened of them.

[26:38] I mean, that's very, I mean, that's the X-Men to a certain extent.

[26:42] Yeah, I guess. I guess.

[26:44] I mean, I feel like less so than this character, though.

[26:48] Like, I kind of thought it was a little interesting that this guy was like,

[26:51] I don't know, like he was not happy to be a superhero.

[26:54] After seeing so many Marvel things where people, like, take joy in superhero-like stuff,

[26:59] like, I know that I'm just describing the DC Universe now.

[27:04] I don't know why this differs from, like, the grim and gritty stuff that I hate about the DC Universe.

[27:09] Well, no, but it seems like there was a real – there was an actual personal motivation for this.

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:14] Like, he literally was like, I didn't ask for these powers.

[27:16] I don't like them. I can't control them.

[27:18] I can't be a regular human anymore.

[27:20] Mm-hmm.

[27:22] Whereas, like, Superman –

[27:23] Yeah, almost like, what's the point?

[27:25] Why did you save me to turn me into this?

[27:27] Yeah.

[27:28] Yeah, basically.

[27:29] So you know what? I buy it.

[27:31] He's a relatable character.

[27:32] And I guess –

[27:33] Meanwhile –

[27:34] I guess the movie actually had way more cyborg stuff in the edits.

[27:38] Oh, really?

[27:39] They pared it down quite a bit.

[27:41] I mean, I thought there was a fair amount of cyborg in the movie.

[27:44] I mean, I'm not – that's not – I wasn't – I was just saying that apparently there was more.

[27:49] Oh, OK.

[27:50] I mean, I'm not making a judgment here.

[27:51] More of him, like, trying to watch TV shows, and he just can't get into them because he's feeling depressed,

[27:56] and he turns it off, and trying to masturbate, and he's like, you know what? Forget it.

[28:00] I'm not even – I'm not even in the mood for this, and just stops.

[28:03] I feel personally attacked by all of this.

[28:05] This little robo-weiner –

[28:06] I'm not saying this is just you, Dan.

[28:09] It goes to his job as a joke writer at a topical comedy show.

[28:12] Oh, OK.

[28:13] And he's like, I know I'm getting paid lots of money to do this, but I'm still unhappy about it.

[28:18] Like, I thought this, of all things, would make me happy, but no, my quest is not over.

[28:23] Yeah.

[28:24] Yeah, how come when I achieve my dreams, it's – I've achieved my dreams, yet it still turned to ashes in my mouth?

[28:31] Anyway, so moving on to the movie.

[28:33] Hilarious stuff.

[28:35] We go to Amazon Island, where Wonder Woman's from, and a mother box wakes up, and Steppenwolf shows up, and he's got all these paradigms.

[28:44] Now, Steppenwolf is what you would call a – I guess a Diablo computer games character.

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:51] So this is jumping ahead slightly, but at some point a character gives – I think it might be Wonder Woman.

[28:56] Yeah, Wonder Woman kind of info dumps it, but Stewart, tell us what she says.

[29:00] Tells us the history.

[29:02] She explains that Steppenwolf, named after his tendency to step on wolves –

[29:08] Step on wolves.

[29:13] Just by accident.

[29:14] Yeah, but because of that – I mean you can't get away from that.

[29:17] The kids in the school year are going to jump on you.

[29:21] That he had three magical boxes and was totally fucking up planets with them, and then a union of men, Amazons, and Atlanteans stopped him.

[29:35] And so they gave one box to the elves, they gave one box to the dwarves, and one box to the men who used that box to turn into ringwraiths.

[29:47] Stewart, I think you might be getting this movie mixed up with the things it steals from.

[29:52] Let me tell you about Morgoth, guys.

[29:56] Then this big Balrog-looking motherfucker walks up, and he's all –

[30:00] Like Gandalf the Great? Nuh-uh, I don't think so.

[30:02] Gandalf the Great, I like it.

[30:07] That's what he tells people.

[30:11] Yeah, that's what he tells people at the bar.

[30:13] Now, Dan, you were going to say about Mother Boxes,

[30:16] then I wanted to go on a rant about Jack Kirby's Fourth World.

[30:19] Just that they knew that, I mean, like, they knew that Infinity War was in production.

[30:25] They knew what they were doing.

[30:27] They knew Infinity War was going to come out, and they knew what the basic plot of it was going to be,

[30:31] that, like, they were going to be looking for these Infinity Stones.

[30:35] So why did they make a movie where the whole point was,

[30:39] we have to assemble multiple magical items by this, like, big CGI guy to destroy the world?

[30:45] Oh, I mean, it's such a standard superhero fantasy.

[30:49] I guess.

[30:50] I don't know about that.

[30:52] You think it was like when A Bug's Life and Ants came out, and you were like,

[30:55] well, certainly there are other ideas, Hollywood.

[30:57] You don't have to make just bug movies.

[31:00] At least there's not two competing volcano movies coming out.

[31:02] Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

[31:04] I think it was because of the time.

[31:06] I don't know if you saw any computer-animated people in, like, early Pixar movies,

[31:11] and you're like, what is this?

[31:12] I don't like it.

[31:13] It makes me unhappy.

[31:15] Stick to animals and toys or something.

[31:18] I mean, it was just close enough.

[31:20] It felt like shitty Infinity War to me, and I guess they thought they could get away with it

[31:23] because, like, we're scooping them.

[31:24] We're coming out first.

[31:25] Maybe.

[31:26] I mean, it is a pretty – it's a dumb kind of plot.

[31:30] So you bring the three mother boxes together and it creates something called the unity,

[31:34] which unleashes kind of like some kind of monster hell wave tendrils that destroy a world and make it barren.

[31:40] Which is weird.

[31:41] And Steppenwolf seems to both worship this and also love it and also want to use it for power.

[31:46] Like, Steppenwolf's – it's like they said,

[31:48] what's every motivation that a villain can have for causing destruction?

[31:53] Let's just give him all of them, and we'll make it really muddy.

[31:55] Like, Steppenwolf is maybe the muddiest villain, muddier than Mudman, who should be the muddiest villain of all.

[32:01] Yeah.

[32:02] That's what it says on his tin, yeah.

[32:04] Mudman's not a hero.

[32:06] Not a villain.

[32:07] Mudman's a hero.

[32:08] Paul Grist's Mudman.

[32:09] Anyway, but, like, Steppenwolf is such a – he's a movie in search of a villain, and it's like,

[32:16] well, we need a big bad guy for the heroes to fight.

[32:18] It's not time to bring out Darkseid because Darkseid should wait until movie 15 or something.

[32:23] So I guess we'll take this other guy.

[32:26] And they're so – like, the thing that bugged me the most as a comics fan is that they're just ripping elements wholesale from Jack Kirby's Fourth World series of titles, which I love.

[32:40] I think they're better than maybe anything else that DC has put out.

[32:44] I love the Fourth World characters like Orion and Darkseid and –

[32:47] Is Orion the guy who rides around on the –

[32:50] On the Astro Harness?

[32:51] Yeah.

[32:52] He's got his Astro Harness.

[32:54] Don't confuse him with Metron, who has his – I think it's called a Mobius chair.

[32:59] But, like, those characters I think are so fun and so interesting and crazy, and they're like, well, DC doesn't really have that many interesting, like, big, giant threats.

[33:11] Even Superman's villains are mostly, like, just regular dudes who decide that they want to screw around with Superman.

[33:17] So, like, they decide to bring those in, and the Mother Box in the comics – this is me being super pedantic.

[33:23] The Mother Box in the comics is this kind of little computer that you carry around with you that is a positive thing and, like, is super powerful but helps you out, and Orion uses it to hide his hideously monstrous face and things like that.

[33:36] Instead, they've just kind of turned it into whatever, just some kind of crazy villain bomb thing, and there's a moment in –

[33:44] But it also powers Cyborg in this, right?

[33:47] Yes, and Cyborg has been created using some of this technology because his dad has – knows where one of the Mother Boxes is.

[33:54] But in the comics, there's this great moment in one of the New Gods comics where Light Ray and Orion are fighting a monster, and they find that it's being controlled by this kind of, like, this kind of organic brain thingy in a boat.

[34:07] And they say – and Orion goes, destroy it, and Light Ray goes, no, why should we destroy it when we can change it?

[34:14] And he uses powers to change it into a positive kind of cube thingy that's a good thing, and it's like these movies seem – it's like the entirety of the New Gods line seems to be about why should you destroy when you can create?

[34:28] And this movie seems to have taken the thing that – one of those elements and turned it into just a tool for destruction in the hands of Steppenwolf.

[34:35] So I'm like, movies, like, you're shitting on, like, the philosophical underpinnings of these characters.

[34:41] It just – anyway, it irritates me.

[34:43] I've always – I always wanted to write a New Gods movie, and now it's never going to happen as if it was ever going to happen before.

[34:49] Now it's really never going to happen, so I'm a little upset about it.

[34:52] You know who's also upset?

[34:54] The Amazons because who shows up?

[34:56] Steppenwolf.

[34:57] The Amazons' Mother Box, the one they're holding, starts going cuckoo crazy.

[35:01] Steppenwolf shows up, takes it.

[35:03] The queen of the Amazons leaves her warriors to die and runs off with the Mother Box.

[35:07] It doesn't help.

[35:08] Steppenwolf takes it anyway, and the Amazons hit a big signal.

[35:11] They hit a big torch, which is a signal to Wonder Woman saying, hey, Mother Box trouble.

[35:17] But meanwhile, Lois Lane's having trouble getting back to work in the wake of the death of her lover-slash-superhero inspiration.

[35:26] Is this true?

[35:28] Because this is around the point where I started dozing off, and I finished the second half of the movie the next day because I was like, you know what?

[35:36] I'm not absorbing things right now.

[35:38] Yeah, no, this is a scene where Lois Lane is like – she's talking to Diane Lane, who is not her mom but Superman's mom, kind of weird, and tells her, I'm having trouble getting back to work since Clark died.

[35:51] And this should be like – this should have been probably the best scene in the whole movie, but it just didn't quite work to me because it's – I don't know.

[35:59] It just didn't – it felt so false within the entirety of the film.

[36:02] Lois Lane is much – is driven much like Wonder Woman by the loss of a man.

[36:07] Their only defining thing is that they're both getting over the death of a dude.

[36:12] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[36:14] Cyborg, he kind of without even trying taps into Batman's computers because the movie just needs him to, and Wonder Woman shows up in the Batcave.

[36:24] She explains what the Mother Boxes are like Stewart did but with much more bad CGI and much less like concision and clarity.

[36:35] But what I like about it is she's like the men, the Atlanteans, and the Amazons teamed up to stop Steppenwolf, and it's almost like the movie is telling you, look, this all happened before.

[36:45] We're just going to show you a short version of the movie within this movie, and then you're going to see it happen again.

[36:51] Yeah, and it's weird kind of that – I mean I guess that's why – I don't know.

[36:57] Batman doesn't know the story yet, so it's weird that Batman is like I'm going to specifically recruit the exact people who defeated Steppenwolf before to defeat him again.

[37:08] I think we're supposed to take it as like it's a prophecy.

[37:11] History rhymes, that kind of thing, but instead it comes off as laziness.

[37:16] I feel like it also is the DC universe saying these are the races in the DC universe.

[37:21] There's people, there's Atlanteans, there's Amazons.

[37:23] That's it.

[37:24] Get used to it.

[37:25] Yeah, and they kind of lay out that they now have to build a team.

[37:30] They've got to get the band together.

[37:33] Yeah, they not even get the band back together.

[37:36] They never had a band.

[37:37] Yeah, so they have to go recruit the Flash.

[37:41] What if they got together the band from A Band of Outsiders, the Godard movie?

[37:47] So there would just be like a bunch of jump cuts I guess.

[37:50] Yeah, and like Batman and Wonder Woman are just running around the Louvre to try to get around it as fast as possible.

[37:54] Okay.

[37:55] I guess that wouldn't be so hard for the Flash.

[37:57] He would just do that.

[37:58] Yeah, probably a less successful movie financially I would guess.

[38:02] You never know.

[38:03] Yeah.

[38:04] Probably.

[38:05] Okay, so Bruce Wayne goes to the Flash's kind of rave headquarters lab because the Flash hangs out at the place that all the Foot Clan kids did in the first Ninja Turtles movie.

[38:15] Yep.

[38:16] Like he's just watching TVs and testing out his sick skateboard jumps.

[38:21] Yeah, I remember seeing that in that Ninja Turtles movie and being like, this is what it's like to be a teenager I bet.

[38:26] Yeah.

[38:29] I mean for a guy who I guess is on the run all the time, he's got a pretty sick setup that looks like he's really moved into this place.

[38:38] What I like is he's got his costume set up on a mannequin in the middle of the room, which would be much harder to put on than if it was just on like a hook hanging from a wall.

[38:48] Yeah.

[38:49] And it means that when he's done stopping a crime, he has to come home, take off the costume and then pull the sleeves over a mannequin's arms.

[38:57] Yeah.

[38:58] And then zip up the back and then I guess have sex with the mannequin, I assume.

[39:01] I mean why not? He's got a mannequin.

[39:05] I guess when you're the Flash, like it's a lot less – you put a lot less concern into like what takes time.

[39:11] I guess that's true. You're right. It would take him almost no time at all.

[39:15] Yeah.

[39:16] The question is what is time to a being such as that?

[39:19] Yeah, that's true.

[39:20] Because like it still takes time. It's just – it would go so much faster for a regular human, but it still probably takes the same amount of time for him.

[39:28] Yeah. Elliot, does the Flash age more rapidly?

[39:33] Maybe. I didn't write this. I don't know.

[39:36] What does the speed force do, Elliot? Explain the speed force.

[39:39] My understanding is that it does not unless you are writing in Crisis on Infinite Earths and then the Flash runs until he dies in that one.

[39:47] But I don't think they age faster than normal. I could be wrong about that.

[39:51] He's certainly putting a lot of wear and tear on his ligaments. That's for sure.

[39:54] That's his real superpower. His ACLs must be incredibly invulnerable.

[39:58] Dan, you can speak to this.

[40:00] Well, actually, running doesn't stress the ACL because it's a forward motion.

[40:04] It would be side-to-side motions that would be the real problem.

[40:07] So you're saying when he does the electric slide really fast at weddings, that would

[40:11] hurt his ACL.

[40:12] Exactly.

[40:13] But what about the cha-cha slide?

[40:16] If he does the cha-cha slide, is that okay, Dan?

[40:22] What about that dance where it's like, to the left, to the left, clap, clap, clap, clap,

[40:26] clap, clap?

[40:27] What about that one?

[40:28] That's the fucking cha-cha slide, dude.

[40:29] No.

[40:30] Okay, what about line dancing?

[40:31] Look, I'm not a fucking superhero dance expert.

[40:35] I don't understand.

[40:36] Whoa, whoa.

[40:37] I mean, there are regular sequences.

[40:39] That isn't what you told me when we were dating.

[40:41] Okay, well.

[40:42] Were you just lying to impress me?

[40:44] Ali, we promised never to talk about this on the podcast.

[40:47] No, no, it's time to talk about it.

[40:49] Dan and I were in a relationship for quite some time.

[40:51] You're feeling...

[40:52] When he told me he was a superhero dance expert.

[40:55] You are feeling several weird fantasies right now.

[41:00] He once told me, he's like, oh, you know, I taught all the Reavers, the X-Men villains,

[41:04] how to dance, and it took me a long time to remember, like, wait a minute, those guys

[41:07] don't have legs.

[41:08] Nor are they technically superheroes.

[41:09] That's true, too.

[41:10] They're just Australian.

[41:11] He's like, did I tell you that I taught Mojo how to dance?

[41:17] And only now am I realizing, again, not a superhero has no legs.

[41:20] Dan, what?

[41:21] This is crazy.

[41:22] So I will have to say, if Mojo danced, that would be huge ratings.

[41:26] Oh, yeah.

[41:27] Oh, he would maintain his hold on the Mojoverse.

[41:32] So anyway, I don't remember what we were talking about, but, oh, yeah.

[41:36] So part of something that's been part of The Flash for a long time is that he has to eat

[41:39] a lot of junk food to get his calories up, because he burns calories, and that's the

[41:43] only nod to, like, the effects of running really fast all the time on a human body.

[41:49] Everything else they just don't put much thought into.

[41:50] So he enlists The Flash, who joins instantly.

[41:54] Cyborg reaches out to Wonder Woman through text on a computer screen, because at that

[41:58] point I guess he's remembering the old PBS show, Ghostwriter, which Cyborg is about the

[42:02] right age to have watched when he was a kid.

[42:04] So he's like, I'm going to be like my hero, Ghostwriter, and I'm going to talk to them

[42:08] through text on a computer screen.

[42:10] They meet up in the most deserted city in the world, but he's still too depressed about

[42:16] his powers to join.

[42:18] He's like, I don't know.

[42:19] I'm going to mope some more, blah, blah, blah.

[42:22] Aquaman saves a fisherman in a storm, and the fisherman says he was attacked by a monster.

[42:27] Then Aquaman goes to Atlantis, Steppenwolf's there, trying to take a mother box, and we

[42:32] learn that Aquaman fails.

[42:34] Steppenwolf takes the box, and we learn Aquaman is a prince whose mom, the queen of Atlantis,

[42:40] abandoned him, and he's always been kind of like wah, wah about it.

[42:43] He's never gotten over it, you know?

[42:46] That's why he's so jacked now.

[42:47] He's put all that energy into, you know, improving his body.

[42:51] Yeah, I mean, I mean, it worked.

[42:54] Yeah.

[42:55] Yeah.

[42:56] I mean, you can't fault the results.

[42:57] He looks incredible, you know?

[43:02] What I also liked is that, so Aquaman has this conversation with, I assume it's supposed

[43:06] to be Dolphin, another Atlantis character, but, or, and, or maybe it's Mira.

[43:12] It's Mira.

[43:13] You know what?

[43:14] It's probably not Dolphin.

[43:15] It's probably Mira.

[43:17] She creates kind of an air bubble around them underwater so they can talk, I think.

[43:20] Yeah.

[43:21] And it's like, so do the Atlanteans mostly speak through sign language?

[43:25] If, because water is also very good at carrying sound.

[43:28] Why did they have to go through the motions of doing that?

[43:31] It's a dumb movie.

[43:32] So Steppenwolf, he has his own headquarters inside of like a Chernobyl cooling tower,

[43:38] and he monologues about how Superman's death made the world sad, and with the unity, he'll

[43:43] become a new god under Darkseid.

[43:45] He just mentions Darkseid for one moment.

[43:47] And he says new god, and I'm like, oh, I like the new gods.

[43:51] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[43:52] He's like, I will, yeah.

[43:53] And it's like, don't tease me.

[43:55] Like don't tease me with the better thing this could have been.

[43:57] I could have seen Mr. Miracle and Big Bar to just bop it around, and I guess they're

[44:01] making a new gods movie now, right?

[44:04] So I think, isn't Ava DuVernay directing it?

[44:08] Oh, yeah.

[44:09] Okay.

[44:10] I think so.

[44:11] That.

[44:13] And so the pan demons are, the pan demons, pan demons are pan fried demons.

[44:17] They're delicious.

[44:18] Yeah, I mean, they're not as good for you as the steam demons, but you know.

[44:23] But they taste so much better.

[44:24] They're crispy.

[44:25] That's what's so great about them.

[44:26] I know.

[44:27] That's the thing.

[44:28] Sometimes you just gotta be bad.

[44:30] Like a para-demon, which are the real bad guys I should have mentioned.

[44:33] They're kidnapping scientists and bringing them to Steppenwolf's sewer tunnel that he's

[44:37] operating out of in America.

[44:39] And it's one of these things where it's like, Steppenwolf, he needs to find out where that

[44:44] mother box is, so I guess he's got to do some old shoe leather detective work and interrogate

[44:49] the suspects by kidnapping scientists.

[44:52] And the heroes show up, and they're standing around talking while Steppenwolf literally

[44:57] snaps a man's neck, and he won't answer a question.

[45:00] And I was like, these heroes are really taking their time.

[45:04] They don't seem to have very much of a hurry about them.

[45:10] But then Steppenwolf threatens Cyborg's dad, so they all jump in and fight Steppenwolf

[45:14] and his dudes.

[45:15] Flash is doubting his confidence, but he ends up saving a lot of people.

[45:18] Batman calls in a kind of ghost-in-the-shell spider tank that he can drive around in shooting

[45:22] things.

[45:23] Which is my favorite thing about Batman as a character, is that he drives around in a

[45:28] giant tank.

[45:30] There's a scene later where Batman steals a Parademon's laser gun and is just using

[45:34] it to shoot Parademons to death, and I was like, what the fuck is this?

[45:40] That Batman is using a gun to shoot anything is crazy to me.

[45:44] I mean, he's the world's greatest detective, Elliot.

[45:48] So he solved the mystery of what to do with a laser.

[45:52] But these are like demon creatures, I mean, they're not like, I don't know, it doesn't

[45:56] bother me as much as there are other movies where Batman actually just shoots people and

[46:00] you're like, wait, whoa, movie, come on.

[46:03] Like in Batman Returns when there's car-mounted machine guns that pop out and he's just shooting

[46:08] headshots at them.

[46:09] Yeah, and he just like dropped the bomb into the sewers one time, you know.

[46:15] Batman has a lot of missiles and things.

[46:17] So this is one of the many DC movie action sequences that take place in a dark tunnel,

[46:22] because again, heroes are there to inspire us.

[46:25] The heroes have to escape because Steppenwolf floods the tunnel, Aquaman shows up and somehow

[46:29] uses his trident to hold the water back, which doesn't, I never really understood.

[46:34] I think that's a power of his trident, right, is that it's a magic trident.

[46:39] Is it?

[46:41] I think so.

[46:42] I mean, it's probably magic.

[46:43] He fights against that other magic weapon with it.

[46:45] Yeah.

[46:46] Okay.

[46:47] That's true.

[46:48] Okay.

[46:49] Maybe I'm just not remembering that he has a magic water controlling trident or what

[46:51] an old timey prospector would call the divining rod, which means the Aquaman, I assume, takes

[46:56] the trident, holds it by its prongs and just uses it to find a place he can dig a well.

[47:01] Or he just uses it to grift homesteaders out of money.

[47:07] That too, yeah.

[47:11] Hey, everyone.

[47:15] We ran into some technical difficulties this week with Elliot's audio track.

[47:19] So at this point, we're going to switch over to the backup track we recorded that just

[47:24] recorded the Skype call.

[47:26] Apologies.

[47:27] The audio is a lot worse.

[47:29] I won't sugarcoat it because we had to use the internal microphones when we were doing

[47:35] the backup track rather than our regular microphones.

[47:39] But if you're a fan, I think it's totally listenable.

[47:43] If you're angry at the audio, believe it.

[47:45] We are too.

[47:46] Sorry that we had to do this, but we thought it would be better to put out a half good

[47:51] show than no show at all.

[47:53] So I hope that you enjoy the rest of the show and don't get too frustrated with the change

[48:00] in audio quality.

[48:01] Thanks.

[48:02] So Aquaman is just an old-fashioned rainmaker?

[48:04] Yeah, exactly.

[48:05] I mean, Aquaman's got to eat.

[48:09] That's true.

[48:10] But he's got so many fish.

[48:12] That made him keep saying, you talk to fish, right?

[48:14] And eventually he says, the water talks.

[48:17] And I was like, okay, I kind of like that response.

[48:19] I mean, that shit is the epitome of these movies where they clearly are like, Aquaman's

[48:26] pretty lame, right?

[48:27] Let's try and like, let's hang a lampshade on the lame parts, but also make him cool.

[48:34] It's like, well, let's call out the shitty things as opposed to making them cool.

[48:38] Because frankly, you could do a really cool sequence where Aquaman mind melds with a shark

[48:43] to find out information or something like that.

[48:46] That would be really cool.

[48:47] Instead, they make him kind of like a kind of a Dersu Uzala kind of like man of nature

[48:53] who speaks to the spirits of the soil and the water and the wind and things like that.

[48:59] But who also loves to chug a pine and just throw down to some thin lizzy.

[49:04] Oh, yeah.

[49:05] And then anytime anything good happens, it's got to cut to him so he can say something

[49:10] cool like, yeah, my man, booyah, take that one to heart.

[49:19] You know that Aquaman 20 years ago went through a real like pop ska phase where he was just

[49:25] like, he was always dressing up in suits and stuff and he was going to like real big fish

[49:29] and big bad voodoo daddy concerts and like, yeah, yeah.

[49:33] And my favorite one, the Cherry Pop and Dannys.

[49:35] All right.

[49:36] I mean.

[49:37] Yeah.

[49:38] Yeah.

[49:39] I'm a big fan of the Cherry Pop and Dannys.

[49:40] Yep.

[49:41] It's more of a Swing Revival band.

[49:42] Very close.

[49:43] The Swing Revival and like Pop Ska were very, very closely related siblings.

[49:51] Yeah.

[49:52] But most of them evolved brass in a way brass should not be used.

[49:56] Yeah.

[49:57] Aquaman, I think, I don't know what you guys think.

[50:00] Aquaman is easily the most irritating worst of the superheroes shown in this movie and he of course is the one who's getting a solo movie

[50:10] Coming up soon

[50:13] Really I could see you finding the flash irritating knowing what I know of your like feelings about about

[50:20] Comedy and stuff, but I found about the Big Bang Theory. There's a lot of scenes where the flash is like

[50:25] It's it he's it. I mean just stopping to quip in a way that was it was it's just like and

[50:31] throw to

[50:32] Scared nerd joke and throw to guys who's uncomfortable around women stuff like that. Yeah, I thought it mostly endearing

[50:39] I mean, I guess I liked him because at least there was some attempt at levity in the movie

[50:44] And I will say it doesn't it doesn't help the movie that the with the CW flash show

[50:51] Already has a very serviceable flash actor. Yeah, I think it's very strange that you had

[50:56] So those shows don't take place in the same universe as the movies, right?

[50:59] No, no, they must I thought it was very strange to have a different flash

[51:03] I do like the guy who plays the flash as a reminder mine. He does a fine job with a character. I don't like yeah

[51:09] I mean, and yeah, he's a decent actor. I like the kid. I like that kid. Not a that Fantastic Beasts movie, huh?

[51:16] I don't know the Fantastic Four. Yeah

[51:19] I mean, I guess they're beasts. They have magic powers

[51:23] They got him from a wizard as a monster

[51:29] They got their powers from mr. Wizard aka science

[51:33] This is when the movie

[51:36] So cyborg says, okay

[51:38] I have I have the last mother box and he gives them a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo about it

[51:43] Destroys as it creates and a whole lot of nonsense all that

[51:46] Hargle-bargle garbage that these movies traffic in and the Marvel movies have plenty of it, too

[51:51] And they somehow take this to mean hey

[51:53] I bet if we put Superman in that goop that was in his spaceship

[51:57] Take his dead body put it in the goop stick a mother box in there and then jazz it with electricity

[52:03] We could probably bring Superman back to life because he's such an amazing inspiration and they spend so little time

[52:09] Debating the idea of bringing their friend back to life with a magic alien technology and none of them ever really questions

[52:16] Wait, is that something we can do like they all just take it for granted. Yeah

[52:22] Hey, you know, it's one of the moves that we have on the table right now is

[52:26] using this magic box to bring Superman back to life because he's dead now and

[52:30] You know what? I'm just gonna put it out there. Let's do that. And they're like should we yeah, I guess we have to it's

[52:36] It's they jump to the craziest possible solution with the least amount of time or energy to get there

[52:43] I mean nuts if they could if they could do that with Superman won't they just do that with everyone on the planet forever?

[52:51] Well that

[52:53] Star Trek into darkness problem where they solve that

[52:57] Yeah, well, they solve death. I mean, it's it's similar to the argument of spoiler alert for Avengers infinity war just go la la la la

[53:06] People are there's a common argument of like if he could do anything with that magic thing, that's ill-defined

[53:12] Why doesn't he instead of killing off half the universe? Why doesn't he make twice as much resources?

[53:19] Yeah

[53:22] Yeah, what about that Thanos? Well, we'll find out later on the show when I bring

[53:26] To the fire

[53:29] But it's the same sort of thing that where you introduce a magic thing and then you're like, I don't know

[53:36] Yeah, here's the one limited use. We're gonna we're gonna make of this magic thing. Yeah, basically

[53:42] what's like in a

[53:45] Well, I don't know that was a great example Stuart

[53:47] I don't know why I'm trying to go try to come up with another one

[53:49] Anyway cut to

[53:51] Cyborg and flash literally by hand digging up Superman's corpse and they kind of bond a little in that moment

[53:56] and there's a moment where flashes shovel it makes a thud as it hits the lid of a coffin and he has a look on

[54:01] His face like what like kind of shocked surprised

[54:05] It's like dude, you're digging up a fucking corpse. Like what did you expect to find down there?

[54:09] What what is it was this very weirdly like not a reaction that made sense in that but like and it's you know

[54:15] Him and cyborg digging it digging it up, right? Yes. So why don't they have Jake?

[54:21] Why don't they have Aquaman whose weapon basically looks like a shovel?

[54:24] Oh, I didn't sideboard much digging done with a trident

[54:27] Why didn't I mean we could just spear the ground like a big fork and then have you know?

[54:32] Have you ever tried to eat like really loose rice with a fork? It doesn't work that great

[54:37] And then

[54:40] Steam shovel or something. Well, the real question is why did the flash dig it up with super speed?

[54:45] Why is he taking his time shoveled shovel? I think he explains it, but I wasn't paying that close attention

[54:51] Maybe he's like I'm tired

[54:55] They never really shows Superman's corpse by the way, which is I

[55:00] Couldn't help wandering tasteful

[55:03] What condition he was in

[55:07] Cells don't degrade. Oh, yeah. So well, then why don't they just show him because I kept picturing him as being like rotted

[55:17] Skeleton in a Superman costume. Yeah, exactly that the cover of that one panic in the sky issue

[55:23] I

[55:24] Would have thought that if they if they brought him back and then you see like his his skin

[55:29] Regrowing over him and his muscles and things. That'd be pretty cool. Yeah, and then like

[55:34] Just like all the parts all the fleshy parts of his body growing back. Anyway, they don't do that

[55:39] So they stick him in and they Frankenstein him back to life

[55:42] They Frankenstein him back to life and it basically just comes down to zapping him with electricity

[55:47] With a mother box until he comes back to life, but he's all he's to be fair to him

[55:52] He's been through the traumatic trauma of dying coming back to life and he just starts fighting all of them

[55:56] And this was the moment where I was like instead of a fight

[55:59] I wish that it was like they had to reteach him how to use the bathroom

[56:04] Like it was just really intense physical therapy, yeah, but it through the movie just turns into regarding Henry all the sudden

[56:11] Yeah, he learns the wonder of dance and finally has a has a lively relationship with his wife and yeah anyway

[56:18] Yes, Ritz crackers. So your thing is yeah

[56:22] The weird thing is Superman seems to remember them, but he's still being an asshole to them

[56:27] Like he's really mad, but I could it like he sees Batman and he's like you won't let me live

[56:33] you won't let me die and

[56:35] He goes the world needs you and Superman goes. Yeah, but does it need you?

[56:38] And it's like unless Superman is a brain damaged zombie. Yeah, it's hard for me to buy him

[56:45] Remembering his previous life and being like I should probably kill Batman out of anger right now

[56:49] But I guess the movie this series the movie series that Superman is just a much more volatile character

[56:54] He's much more like Robert De Niro in this boy's life. Then. He is the Superman we know from I think I think it's called

[57:00] this bugs life

[57:04] Oh, that's right about this bugs life about the aunt who has the abusive stepdad. Yeah

[57:12] But then Batman brings out the big guns Lois shows up and as soon as Superman she sees Lois he's like, oh I'm fine now

[57:19] It's okay. He's like Boston. Well the power of love by Hulu's in the news starts playing

[57:25] Cuz that's the power

[57:28] Mm-hmm

[57:29] And but then and meanwhile in the background while they're fighting Superman Steppenwolf just sneaks in and takes the box and leaves

[57:36] Yeah, I was gonna say that it seems like their energy would have been better served protecting the final box then

[57:43] Doing this harebrained scheme

[57:46] No, they don't do that. Yeah

[57:49] Wonder Woman has a crisis

[57:50] She says I can't you've always wanted me to lead the team, but I can't leave people and send them into harm

[57:55] That's how I lost Steve treasure Trevor and I had this moment

[57:58] I was like did Batman ever ask her to lead the team cuz Batman's been pretty much acting as the leader the whole time

[58:03] Well, it's this very weird. I felt either a scene was cut or Wonder Woman is just one of those people who's like

[58:10] Obviously, I should be in charge, but I know you guys are too afraid to say it

[58:14] I mean, I think she know what I'll just take charge. Is she the oldest? I don't know

[58:20] 100 years old. I mean, how old's Aquaman? That's true

[58:23] That Aquaman can't leave anything

[58:28] He spends half his time in like a whiskey coma Aquaman, yeah, he's uh, he's like a Michelangelo my mind doesn't bleed. Yeah

[58:36] That's true. I don't want to yeah. He doesn't want the responsibility Raph

[58:40] He wants to lead but he knows that really he doesn't have the temperament for it Leonardo

[58:44] He doesn't ultimately want to lead either but he knows he has the responsibility because he has the skills

[58:49] Doesn't have any defining traits other than that. Yeah, that's true and Donatello

[58:53] Look Donatello is just trying to get through technical college so that he can get a job as an engineer

[58:58] Finally work his way out of the sewers. Yeah, I

[59:01] Would like to think that he would work his way out of the sewers only to get a job designing

[59:05] Sewers to make them better and more habitable

[59:15] It's not really a good place for people to live

[59:19] People said it was crazy when I placed a teenager not just a mutant

[59:24] Teenager at the head of the

[59:26] Rebuilded project, but I'm looking through the line item here on the budget and it says there's a lot of money here for softer couches

[59:35] Why are there so many half pipes when we need full pipes for a super

[59:40] Now don't you think it would it would affect the proper working of these sewers if there was a brick oven pizza

[59:47] Making restaurant and every basically every junk juncture between different pipes

[59:52] Can you explain this to me because the City Council is really breathing down my neck again

[59:56] I put a lot on the line by hiring a teenager to do this work

[1:00:00] alone as i said a naked turtle man who always carries around a post-ap like he's looking for a fight

[1:00:06] yeah no yeah this this this won't work you are you tenable dan are you tired of the bit

[1:00:14] i mean that's the part where he's like donatello can we at least meet with your mask off because

[1:00:18] frankly i don't know that it's not one of your brothers wearing your mask in a kind of weird

[1:00:22] dead riggers scenario so you can all date april o'neil again the fact that you are so closely

[1:00:28] connected with the wait is that your news is that the plot of dead ringers is that all these people

[1:00:34] are trying to date april o'neil yep you get it okay i get it i'm just saying it's a conflict

[1:00:40] of interest that you have such a close relationship with the media in this town donatello i'm gonna

[1:00:45] have to ask for you to resign your position and donatello's like oh no this is going to the corpse

[1:00:50] i get and that's that's what show me a hero is about right okay i mean i didn't get through it

[1:00:56] so it's probably it's possible i'm just oscar isaac plays donatello right very loosely based

[1:01:02] because he has a mustache yeah that's they had to digitally alter the mustache to make it more like

[1:01:07] donatello's face so uh so superman knowing that there's a monster man out there who's trying to

[1:01:15] stop destroy the world goes to his family farm and just kind of touches corn stalks for a while

[1:01:20] and lois convinces him that the world needs him uh he's helped lois says what was it like being

[1:01:24] dead and he says it was weird and confusing so it's like does he have a memory of being dead like

[1:01:32] at this point it's also it's like okay step and wolf aside clark kent can now tell us what lies

[1:01:37] beyond the veil like where do we go we die this is such a much bigger issue than whether we can

[1:01:42] get these mother boxes apart uh step and wolf he puts the boxes together and makes the unity

[1:01:48] further destroys the area around chernobyl which i felt like was really rubbing it in insult to

[1:01:53] injury you know uh aquaman has a little speech about his feelings because it turns out he's

[1:01:57] holding one roman's lasso for some reason uh the heroes go to russia batman goes off get his bat

[1:02:03] plane to knock out the shield dome because of course in this movie there's a scene where someone

[1:02:09] has to fly a plane to stop a shield or something uh the characters he he kind of knows he's like

[1:02:16] i know that the shield dome is being created by those things over there even though this is like

[1:02:19] alien technology we've never seen before batman uses uh what like is it a sound or a fear spray

[1:02:26] or something to lure the parademons away from the shield thus creating an opening for the heroes to

[1:02:32] go in and stop steppenwolf do the heroes do that no they jump in and fight parademons to help out

[1:02:37] batman and it's like i wish batman was going like strategy guys strategy like i did this for a

[1:02:43] reason yeah go in and stop him but friendship is stronger than strategy i guess i guess that's what

[1:02:49] it is uh the same way that it bothered me in black panther when they sent out the foot soldiers

[1:02:54] the bad guys and then sent out their big machines that's not how you do that soften up the opposing

[1:02:59] force with your artillery and your armored stuff then you send in your foot soldiers anyway come

[1:03:04] on so black panther can you redo that scene for me thanks very much uh steppenwolf is uh

[1:03:11] fighting these guys they jump in to fight him cyborg's doing some nonsense to separate the boxes

[1:03:15] flash is fighting demons wonder woods fighting steppenwolf batman joins in with his laser gun

[1:03:20] which i did not like fighting fighting fighting there's this one russian family we've been

[1:03:24] stopping with throughout the movie to see how they're dealing with the parademon threat

[1:03:31] it really helps it really helps contextualize this whole struggle

[1:03:35] yeah um this is the point of the movie by the way which i lost all interest because it's just a big

[1:03:41] cgi battle yeah it is so boring it's so boring there's no sense of how it's reminded me a little

[1:03:48] bit of the big battle at the end of force awakens where i was like i don't know how many times

[1:03:53] they're gonna have to swoop down on this death star i don't care like it's i don't know what

[1:03:58] the status is how hard is their goal they are that is a hot take from elliot caylan

[1:04:03] knocking star wars he's like too much diversity says elliot caylan too much what too much diversity

[1:04:12] that's what i don't like that these women are the heroes now no i like the first half of that the

[1:04:17] new characters loved them new situations great the minute they got to uh you're like oh i don't need

[1:04:23] this yeah well the minute they got to the space cantina i was like wait a minute i saw this in

[1:04:29] star wars and they were like guess what guys we've got a threat it's the size of a planet and it can

[1:04:34] blow up planets we're gonna have to swoop down in x-wings and stop it and i was like oh like in the

[1:04:38] movie star wars i mean i mean the movie does make a joke about that though right it does it's the

[1:04:45] same way that they it's a good excuse but the same way that in this movie they're like aquaman you

[1:04:49] talk to fish right it's like making a joke about the problem doesn't diffuse the problem by the way

[1:04:55] anyway screenwriting 101 if you make jokes about him talking to fish you need to have a fish show

[1:05:00] up at the end and save them and then they're like thanks dude and then he like gives the fish a

[1:05:05] fucking thumbs up yeah sharky the tuna shows up as jabber jaw shows up hey guys what's up

[1:05:15] he plays drums on stephan wolfe's helmet

[1:05:19] but uh the uh i'll stop you stephan wolfe oh boy uh the and i'll say that uh you know what

[1:05:26] i'll give credit to j.j abrams for this i think he had about a week to write that script

[1:05:29] so i totally understand why he had to just rip off the end of the first star wars movie i don't i

[1:05:34] don't blame him he had no time to write it anyway so uh steppenwolf says a lot of nonsense about

[1:05:40] throughout the movie he's always about how the unity is the mother of monsters and power is the

[1:05:43] only law and all this garbage superman shows up uh he said uh and uh he said something about like

[1:05:52] power is the only law that's the truth you won't see it superman goes i don't know i've always

[1:05:56] been a big fan of truth but i'm also a big fan of justice and then punches steppenwolf and it was

[1:06:01] like lame that was super lame yeah uh superman punches steppenwolf once then goes off to save

[1:06:09] civilians which is flash's job he's like wonder woman woppa man you were having trouble defeating

[1:06:14] the big bad guy and you brought me back to life so i could do it i'm just gonna go help out flash

[1:06:18] with the easy stuff you take care of it uh but suddenly they're strong enough to beat up

[1:06:23] steppenwolf i guess because superman inspired them superman and cyborg separate the boxes

[1:06:28] there's a big power surge they've been warning about that isn't really that bad just knock

[1:06:31] superman over uh and batman is able to protect himself from the power surge by putting his arm

[1:06:37] in front of his face yep he's hiding his identity they're like when we move these boxes they're

[1:06:46] gonna be blowback major all right let's get used to it and batman's just kind of like he does

[1:06:51] exactly what you do if the sun was a little brighter than you thought it would be when

[1:06:53] you walked out of the ophthalmologist after having your pupils dilated that's about enough

[1:06:58] to stop the the power surge from hurting him yeah uh they finish beating up steppenwolf and

[1:07:02] steppenwolf is afraid now he's like what this can't be no and the parademons sense his fear

[1:07:07] and swarm him and eat him until a boom tube takes him away here's another problem the boom tubes

[1:07:13] they don't boom they don't make boom noises there's never a boom that is too anyway it also

[1:07:18] sounds like boom too so that's weird i mean yeah but that's the name of the thing in the comics

[1:07:23] though dan you got to stick to those source material i mean if you're not going to take

[1:07:27] advantage to have a dimensional portal called a boom tube that makes a big boom when it shows up

[1:07:31] why are you making this movie yeah why even bother were they worried that it was going to

[1:07:35] sound too much like the uh what the whatchamacallit the the bifrost and uh the thor movies maybe

[1:07:42] because that makes a big boom it's the same way that if you're going to make an aquaman movie

[1:07:46] and you're not going to have him talk to fish what are we doing here why are we bothering what's the

[1:07:50] because without talking to fish he's just namor a much better character because namor is an asshole

[1:07:56] yeah yeah and he's in love with sea storm yeah and he's always trying to steal a married woman

[1:08:01] away from the smartest man in the world i love that stuff so much

[1:08:09] maybe it's just due to my love of cuck fantasies oh sure

[1:08:14] oh well rin richards is on his way to being the ultimate beta cuck which is weird because he

[1:08:18] should be he's defeated dr doom so many times he's the ultimate alpha male but he's kind of an alpha

[1:08:24] is that possible i think we've said that too many times so

[1:08:30] they stop stepping off the world's been saved uh bruce saves clark's home by buying the bank that

[1:08:35] was foreclosing on it he doesn't give him the money to just take it away instead to get his

[1:08:41] home back instead he buys the bank because now it's like bruce is saying to superman i own you

[1:08:46] if you don't do what i tell you your mom's gonna be out on the street

[1:08:50] i love it too because it's like why didn't he just do it before

[1:08:55] why why didn't he why don't you just help her out after he helped get her son killed

[1:09:01] yeah it's true and then you step in now and when they're when when they're you know helping uh

[1:09:06] take all the furniture back into the house uh there's he's talking to superman and i i swear

[1:09:13] that batman says i did a mistake superman's like thanks for doing this is like i did a mistake

[1:09:23] well i mean bruce is for all that bruce wayne is the world's greatest detective and all that he is

[1:09:27] old inbred old money i have to assume like he's brought look at if you look at donald trump's

[1:09:32] kids they're not the brightest kids like if you look at jared kushner he's not a very bright man

[1:09:37] you inherit wealth you you aren't always the brightest bulb in the bunch it's like they always

[1:09:43] present batman as pretending to be like in bruce as bruce wayne i'm going to pretend to be this

[1:09:47] idiot playboy who doesn't understand his business i think that's just him and the one thing he's

[1:09:52] able to do is have alfred do a lot of fun like alfred is brilliant and alfred's able to solve

[1:09:57] crimes for him and things like that that's my guess that's it

[1:10:00] Interesting take.

[1:10:01] That's my hot take.

[1:10:02] Bruce Wayne is like an idiot rich kid

[1:10:05] who really got into MMA.

[1:10:06] And that's why he's super buff,

[1:10:08] because he's a gym rat.

[1:10:09] And Alfred is the one who does

[1:10:11] all the smarty pants stuff.

[1:10:13] And that's why Batman has a bat plane

[1:10:15] and a bat car and all this other shit.

[1:10:18] Because he's just got to show off all his stuff.

[1:10:20] Oh wow, Elliot.

[1:10:20] I just got a text from Warner Brothers.

[1:10:23] They like your take on Batman

[1:10:25] and want you to make a movie.

[1:10:27] Oh boy, okay, I guess so.

[1:10:32] So now we're at the end of the movie.

[1:10:33] Lois has a little monologue about how the Justice,

[1:10:37] and Bruce buys a Justice League clubhouse mansion.

[1:10:40] Now is this monologue meant to be

[1:10:43] an article she's writing?

[1:10:45] I have to assume so.

[1:10:46] This is her, now that Superman's back,

[1:10:48] she can go back to work.

[1:10:50] She's inspired again.

[1:10:51] So she's writing her first return column.

[1:10:53] And it's all about how hope is real.

[1:10:55] And it's like, really?

[1:10:57] Because the movie we just saw,

[1:10:58] it was a grim fable about the futility of hope.

[1:11:03] And that even the relief of death

[1:11:05] is not enough to save you from Batman

[1:11:07] dragging your ass back into this veil of tears

[1:11:10] so that you can fight a big CGI guy

[1:11:12] with antlers on his helmet.

[1:11:14] I also feel like throughout basically all Superman movies,

[1:11:17] Lois Lane's only job is to write editorials about hope.

[1:11:22] That's all she does at the Daily Planet.

[1:11:23] Or Superman.

[1:11:24] Yeah, that's true.

[1:11:27] And so the movie ends.

[1:11:28] Then there's a credit scene.

[1:11:29] Flash and Superman are gonna race each other.

[1:11:34] Then there's the post-credit scene

[1:11:36] where Lex Luthor, who has escaped jail

[1:11:38] by replacing himself with a different bald man,

[1:11:41] is surely the least interesting escape plot

[1:11:45] I've ever seen in a movie.

[1:11:47] Yeah.

[1:11:49] It's an indictment of the way we look at bald men.

[1:11:51] Like, oh, they're all the same.

[1:11:53] I guess so.

[1:11:56] Lex Luthor is now on a yacht flying the Dutch flag

[1:12:00] and Deathstroke the Terminator shows up.

[1:12:02] And Lex Luthor says-

[1:12:03] It's two cool names.

[1:12:04] That's too many cool names in one name.

[1:12:07] Too many.

[1:12:07] And his real name is, what, Slade Wilson?

[1:12:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:12:10] So, too many cool names.

[1:12:12] Do you think he's angry that the parody character of him

[1:12:15] has become much more famous and popular?

[1:12:18] Oh, has to be.

[1:12:20] Has to be.

[1:12:21] That Wade Wilson, Deadpool,

[1:12:22] is now starring in his second hit film.

[1:12:25] And Deathstroke is, at best,

[1:12:28] a villain in, what, the Flash TV show?

[1:12:30] It was the Arrow TV show.

[1:12:32] Oh, in Arrow?

[1:12:33] The Arrow TV show?

[1:12:34] And is now being set up to be, like,

[1:12:37] one of just a team of guys?

[1:12:38] Because Lex says,

[1:12:39] isn't it time we had a league of our own?

[1:12:41] With seemingly no irony,

[1:12:43] there's a movie called League of Our Own.

[1:12:45] We already have a league of our own.

[1:12:48] Which is, and I wish,

[1:12:49] I want to see that scene continue

[1:12:51] where Deathstroke goes, what, like,

[1:12:53] lady baseball players?

[1:12:54] And Lex is like, what?

[1:12:56] And it's like, the movie, a league of our own.

[1:12:58] And Lex is like, I don't know,

[1:12:59] that was before I was born.

[1:13:00] And Deathstroke's like, seriously?

[1:13:02] How young are you, kid?

[1:13:03] Like, that movie's not that old.

[1:13:05] And Deathstroke looks it up on his phone

[1:13:07] and is like, shit, that was like 25 years ago.

[1:13:10] Oh, you're making me feel old, man.

[1:13:12] Forget it, I gotta go.

[1:13:15] Yeah.

[1:13:15] That's the scene I want to see.

[1:13:16] But so, and so it's setting up, I guess,

[1:13:20] Justice League 2, Justice League

[1:13:22] versus the World Crime League.

[1:13:23] Is that a thing?

[1:13:24] Featuring Buckaroo Banzai.

[1:13:25] What's the bad guy team called?

[1:13:29] Is there a bad guy team?

[1:13:30] It's called the Injustice League, I think, right?

[1:13:32] Oh no, it's the, yeah, it's the Injustice League.

[1:13:35] And they're at the, what's the name of their place?

[1:13:39] At the White House, am I right, guys?

[1:13:40] In a swamp.

[1:13:42] What?

[1:13:43] Nothing.

[1:13:44] Just go on.

[1:13:45] But now I'm wondering, like, are they,

[1:13:47] who else is gonna be in this team?

[1:13:48] Because, like, the DC Universe

[1:13:50] is not full of cool, great villains.

[1:13:52] They're gonna have to introduce a bunch of them.

[1:13:53] And if one of them is Solomon Grundy,

[1:13:56] everything is forgiven, DC Universe.

[1:13:58] Well, a friend of mine sent me a message

[1:14:03] to confirm additional Cold-based DC villains.

[1:14:07] So the team would, of course, have Mr. Freeze,

[1:14:10] Captain Cold, Killer Frost, who is a character,

[1:14:13] Icicle, and Icicle Jr. Okay, I apologize.

[1:14:15] You were right, I was wrong.

[1:14:18] So yeah, that's five.

[1:14:19] There'd be five Cold-based villains in the team.

[1:14:21] They're called the Frosty League,

[1:14:22] or the Just Ice League, in this case.

[1:14:24] And they're like, Lex, I don't want to tell you

[1:14:26] how to run your league, but maybe you wanna diversify?

[1:14:28] Good, then don't.

[1:14:29] Okay.

[1:14:30] They're like, why don't you diversify?

[1:14:32] We've got diversity.

[1:14:33] I'm a super smart billionaire.

[1:14:35] You're a super assassin.

[1:14:37] Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

[1:14:40] We've got it all, baby.

[1:14:42] Well, I guess you're the cleanest.

[1:14:44] Why did we do this mission in the summertime, though?

[1:14:48] I mean,

[1:14:52] you're hoping that people aren't dressed appropriately

[1:14:54] to deal with all this cold?

[1:14:56] Exactly, yeah.

[1:14:57] Anyway, I'm Lex Luthor.

[1:14:59] Don't, look, don't question me.

[1:15:01] I was able to escape from jail using an intricate plan.

[1:15:05] You just put a different bald guy in your cell.

[1:15:07] An intricate plan.

[1:15:09] So, guys, let's go on to final judgments, though.

[1:15:13] Let's, while Elliot blows his nose, we'll say.

[1:15:16] I'm also getting over a cold.

[1:15:17] Yeah, Elliot seems to have it worse than me.

[1:15:20] Mm, the Just Ice League strikes again.

[1:15:23] Ah, Just Ice League.

[1:15:27] But is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie?

[1:15:31] Is this a good, is that what you're saying?

[1:15:34] Guys, is this a good, is this a good bad movie,

[1:15:37] a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like?

[1:15:39] I'm gonna say that while it is the least hateful

[1:15:44] of the DC movies that I've seen.

[1:15:47] Not including Wonder Woman.

[1:15:49] Oh, not including Wonder Woman, that's right.

[1:15:50] Wonder Woman is obviously the best, but

[1:15:54] I don't even think of it as part of the universe.

[1:15:56] That's how I'm gonna put it, yeah.

[1:16:00] It's still not good.

[1:16:02] Wonder Woman is the Incredible Hulk

[1:16:04] of the DC universe, except reverse,

[1:16:06] where everyone forgets that there was a Hulk movie

[1:16:08] that's technically part of the Marvel universe.

[1:16:10] Everyone forgets Wonder Woman is in the DC universe

[1:16:12] because it's of a higher stamp of quality.

[1:16:14] Yeah, I will say I had some small hopes for this movie

[1:16:18] because it's less than two hours long

[1:16:20] and Joss Whedon came in to do reshoots

[1:16:24] and I know that we've all learned

[1:16:25] that Joss Whedon's kind of an asshole now,

[1:16:26] but I do like his television work

[1:16:29] and he did a good job with the Avengers,

[1:16:31] so I thought maybe he could do something to salvage this.

[1:16:34] Yeah, could you imagine,

[1:16:36] like, having recently watched the Avengers

[1:16:39] and seeing how well that big coming together

[1:16:43] fight scene works at the end,

[1:16:45] it's crazy that Joss Whedon was involved

[1:16:48] in this movie as well.

[1:16:50] Unless Joss Whedon is sabotaging the DC movies,

[1:16:53] like the Fifth Columnist, to help the Marvel movies.

[1:16:56] That feels like something I would read on Reddit

[1:16:59] or something, that seems like a suitable conspiracy.

[1:17:03] That's the kind of thing that some incel somewhere

[1:17:05] is theorizing about right now.

[1:17:09] Here's what I'm gonna say.

[1:17:11] My final judgment is mixed and I'll tell you why.

[1:17:15] I don't think this movie is particularly good,

[1:17:17] but I'm trying to put myself in a world

[1:17:20] where the Marvel movies don't exist

[1:17:23] and in a world where the Marvel movies don't exist,

[1:17:25] I think I would be more forgiving of this movie

[1:17:29] because I'd be like, you know what?

[1:17:30] This is far from the worst superhero movie I've ever seen.

[1:17:32] I don't like it.

[1:17:33] It's boring, it's really depressing,

[1:17:35] but it's still so far cut above the superhero movies

[1:17:39] I grew up with, but in a world where the Marvel movies

[1:17:43] exist, this just doesn't work at all.

[1:17:46] We've seen such a better version of this exact thing.

[1:17:50] On the other hand, I give them credit

[1:17:52] for forging their own path.

[1:17:53] They could just make Marvel movies and say,

[1:17:55] superheroes are fun, let's make a fun movie.

[1:17:57] Instead, they've decided to continue down their own path

[1:18:00] of making superhero movies that are not fun

[1:18:02] and feel like I'm supposed to watch them

[1:18:04] as a religious obligation, so that's something.

[1:18:08] I mean, you be you, DC Universe.

[1:18:10] Fly your freak flag.

[1:18:12] Yeah, you're supposed to watch the movie

[1:18:13] in complete silence and then shuffle out

[1:18:15] of the movie theater with a sad look on your face.

[1:18:19] Like, there were times during the opening

[1:18:21] where I'm like, am I supposed to be sad

[1:18:22] that Superman's dead?

[1:18:24] Because this world does not have a Superman

[1:18:26] and we have our own troubles,

[1:18:27] but a lot of things are fine.

[1:18:31] Am I supposed, how upset am I?

[1:18:32] A lot of things are fine is Elliot's description

[1:18:34] of the current state of the world.

[1:18:36] But the implication in the movie is that without Superman,

[1:18:39] there's no lighter happy, like children don't laugh anymore.

[1:18:42] Love doesn't exist.

[1:18:43] Sex is no longer pleasurable.

[1:18:45] I've seen the previous movies

[1:18:47] and even when Superman was alive,

[1:18:49] I don't think those existed.

[1:18:51] Yeah, but I don't know.

[1:18:53] Stuart, did you give your rating?

[1:18:55] I didn't, you know, I didn't like it.

[1:18:58] I mean, I guess I liked it more than Batman versus Superman.

[1:19:03] I still think I like it less than Suicide Squad.

[1:19:06] I know that's insane.

[1:19:08] Yeah.

[1:19:11] But that movie's just so fascinatingly bad

[1:19:13] that I don't know, like, I get some joy

[1:19:17] out of the strangeness of a movie

[1:19:19] that's at least apparently was cut together

[1:19:22] by the people who cut the trailer together.

[1:19:25] I mean, if you're gonna hate watch a DC movie,

[1:19:28] watch Suicide Squad,

[1:19:29] because this is like eating a rice cake for breakfast.

[1:19:32] And if you like the Justice League movie.

[1:19:35] Yeah.

[1:19:36] It's like, I need some sort, something to ingest.

[1:19:38] So I guess I'll use this

[1:19:39] and I'll have no feelings about it afterwards.

[1:19:44] I think that's it.

[1:19:45] Yeah.

[1:19:46] So see you for the next one.

[1:19:48] No, no, no. Justice League 2, tons of movies.

[1:19:50] I thought you meant see you for the next podcast.

[1:19:54] That's all.

[1:19:55] That's us for the Flophouse.

[1:19:56] Kicking it back to you, everybody.

[1:19:57] Now, local affiliates, we went a little long today.

[1:20:00] So, sorry about that. We'll make it up on the next time. Catch you on the flip.

[1:20:04] Make sure to like and subscribe.

[1:20:06] Uh, okay, that's not gonna work.

[1:20:08] So that's our video. Yeah, click subscribe, maybe share the links below.

[1:20:11] I'm pointing down as if anyone can see it.

[1:20:17] Leave a comment. Hey, be part of the community. Alright!

[1:20:25] The Dead Pilot Society podcast brings you hilarious comedy pilots that were never made

[1:20:29] featuring actors like Aubrey Plaza, Andy Richter, Paul F. Tompkins, John Hodgman, Adam Scott,

[1:20:33] Molly Shannon, Busy Phillips, Tom Lennon, Anna Camp, Laurie Metcalf, Felicia Day, Michael Ian Black,

[1:20:38] Adam Savage, Paul Scheer, Ben Schwartz, Skyler Astin, May Whitman, Josh Molina, Ben Feldman,

[1:20:42] Nicole Byer, Jason Ritter, Sarah Chalk, Steve Agee, Jane Levy, Alison Tolman, Danielle Nicolette,

[1:20:45] Casey Wilson, Anna Ortiz, Lorraine Newman, June Diane Raphael, Kiernan Shipka,

[1:20:48] Ed Weeks, Zach Knighton, Kerry Kenney-Silver, John Ross Bowie, Jamie Denbo, Janet Varney,

[1:20:50] Alessandra Forsythe, Amber Sumner, Natalie Morales, Matt Gourley, Hilary Connolly,

[1:20:52] Greg Wiggins, John Lennon, Chris Corrales, Jamie

[1:20:53] And many more. Listen at MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you download podcasts.

[1:20:59] Hey, this is Griffin McElroy.

[1:21:00] Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

[1:21:01] And we've got a new podcast on Maximum Fun called Wonderful.

[1:21:04] Wonderful.

[1:21:05] It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about.

[1:21:09] Things like...

[1:21:10] Overalls.

[1:21:11] 24-hour Sudafed.

[1:21:13] The Grand Prize Game.

[1:21:14] The fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators.

[1:21:17] The soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy.

[1:21:19] The beach potion we call Bud Light Line.

[1:21:21] All these things and more every Wednesday.

[1:21:23] And we'll also talk about things that you're excited about.

[1:21:25] You can find us on MaximumFun.org or iTunes or wherever.

[1:21:28] I don't know. Just search Wonderful.

[1:21:29] Google it. You'll probably get there.

[1:21:35] So the Clubhouse is supported in part by Casper.

[1:21:38] And our listeners are invited to take advantage of Casper's competitive limited-time Memorial Day sale offer.

[1:21:45] Hey, Dan. Hey, Dan. Here's the crazy thing.

[1:21:48] Let's explain what Casper is.

[1:21:51] Well, okay. It's a mattress company.

[1:21:53] Not a ghost.

[1:21:56] It sells you mattresses. They come in the mail in a big box.

[1:21:59] Not as big a box as you would expect, though.

[1:22:03] You open up this box and this mattress is what I expect.

[1:22:07] Don't tell me what kind of box I expect.

[1:22:09] You're saying this mattress, it arrives and you're not taking a fully-grown mattress into your house.

[1:22:15] No.

[1:22:16] But yet it expands into that fully-grown mattress.

[1:22:18] Yes, exactly.

[1:22:19] Like watching a child grow.

[1:22:20] Exactly.

[1:22:21] Casper is different than other mattress companies because they sell directly to you, which eliminates added costs and saves you money.

[1:22:28] And you can be sure of your purchase with their 100-night risk-free sleep on it trial.

[1:22:36] And you can return with no hassles if you're not satisfied.

[1:22:40] That return policy is amazing.

[1:22:42] I have tried to sleep on a variety of different items for 100 days in return.

[1:22:48] I'm trying to take this pea back to the market.

[1:22:51] And they do not want it.

[1:22:53] Yeah.

[1:22:54] One of the things you slept on was a dozen eggs.

[1:22:57] And so there was a reason why they didn't accept those back.

[1:23:01] And I had the receipt.

[1:23:02] And they would accept them back.

[1:23:04] Look, for a limited time, visit casper.com slash savings and receive 10% off your order with any mattress purchase.

[1:23:13] Offer expires May 29, 2018.

[1:23:17] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:23:19] We also have a sponsorship from Squarespace.

[1:23:25] Squarespace?

[1:23:26] Yeah.

[1:23:27] Now, Dan, let's explain what they are, too, because otherwise I'm going to assume they're another mattress company.

[1:23:32] No, no, no.

[1:23:33] You can make websites with them.

[1:23:34] It's a good way to turn your cool idea into a website everyone can enjoy and showcase your work.

[1:23:41] You can use it to announce an upcoming event or a special project.

[1:23:45] Or you can use their e-commerce functionality to sell anything online.

[1:23:51] Now, Dan, I was wondering.

[1:23:53] I have an idea for a website.

[1:23:54] I was wondering if Squarespace could help me.

[1:23:56] Oh, cool.

[1:23:57] This is a new thing.

[1:23:58] You've never had an idea for a website before.

[1:24:00] I'm very excited about it because it's like I feel inspired to enter a realm I've never felt inspired about before, which is web design and web businesses.

[1:24:07] A digital realm of ones and zeros.

[1:24:09] Exactly.

[1:24:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:24:11] I want to hack into the mainframe and enter the cyber world so I can surf the data and become a master programmer.

[1:24:19] Yep.

[1:24:20] You're ready to player one.

[1:24:22] Mm-hmm.

[1:24:23] Yes.

[1:24:25] Now, Dan, this movie inspired me to start a business called MotherBox.com.

[1:24:30] Okay.

[1:24:31] We've all been there.

[1:24:32] You're going on a family trip and your luggage is not big enough to fit your mom in.

[1:24:38] How are you going to get your mom from one place to another?

[1:24:41] Well, that's where MotherBox.com comes in.

[1:24:43] MotherBox takes – you just have to measure your mom's height, width, weight, depth, all the basic dimensions.

[1:24:49] You already have them on file.

[1:24:50] Send them to us.

[1:24:51] We will handcraft a custom-made box for you to place your mother in somewhat comfortably for the duration of the trip.

[1:24:58] Just tell us where you're going, how long the trip is, what she'll need in that box.

[1:25:02] We'll make sure it's stocked with everything she might need.

[1:25:05] Is it an overnight plane flight?

[1:25:07] We'll get some snacks in there.

[1:25:08] Is it a long car ride?

[1:25:10] We'll get some snacks in there.

[1:25:11] Are you going on an ocean voyage?

[1:25:13] More snacks.

[1:25:14] Everything you need.

[1:25:15] It feels like all our needs are snacks, right?

[1:25:19] Pretty much.

[1:25:20] I mean, are there air holes for your mother?

[1:25:22] Of course there are.

[1:25:23] It's like that movie, Mars Needs Moms Who Need Snacks.

[1:25:27] Yep.

[1:25:28] In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the first one is snacks.

[1:25:31] And then eventually it goes all the way up to getting where you need to go without costing an arm and a leg to transport your mother.

[1:25:37] So leave the mom shipping to us, motherbox.com, for all of your transporting your mom from one place to another needs.

[1:25:45] We'll handle the mom shipping.

[1:25:46] So we'll take the various moms from Riverdale and we'll ship them with each other.

[1:25:51] Okay.

[1:25:52] Interesting.

[1:25:53] Right.

[1:25:54] Don't forget fan fiction about what these moms will be doing.

[1:25:57] Okay.

[1:25:58] Our slogan for motherbox.com is we provide the box, you provide the mom.

[1:26:03] This show started off with such respect for mothers and now it's taking a weird turn.

[1:26:09] What's more respectful than providing a comfortable, well-stocked-with-snacks box for shipping any mother from one place to another?

[1:26:17] And or possibly writing stories about your favorite moms from your favorite hit CW television show.

[1:26:23] So.

[1:26:24] Finding love in each other's arms.

[1:26:26] I mean, it makes sense.

[1:26:27] So, Dan, can Squarespace help me with my mother transportation website or Stuart with his Riverdale fan fiction website?

[1:26:35] It certainly can.

[1:26:36] And so to get started, check out squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:26:42] And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:26:50] I believe each of you has a jumbotron.

[1:26:54] You know it.

[1:26:56] Ellie, why don't you go first while I open my phone and find it.

[1:27:02] Okay.

[1:27:03] Okay.

[1:27:04] Are you ready?

[1:27:05] Yes, I am.

[1:27:06] Okay.

[1:27:07] Everybody buckle up.

[1:27:08] Okay.

[1:27:09] Let's go.

[1:27:10] Okay.

[1:27:11] You can go.

[1:27:12] Okay.

[1:27:13] Can I go?

[1:27:14] Are you still prepping yourself?

[1:27:15] Wait.

[1:27:16] Okay.

[1:27:17] You can go.

[1:27:18] I was just asking so I can vamp if you weren't ready.

[1:27:20] No, I'm ready right now.

[1:27:21] Okay.

[1:27:22] Good.

[1:27:23] I have it right in front of me.

[1:27:24] Okay.

[1:27:25] What are you going to vamp about, Dan?

[1:27:26] I don't know.

[1:27:27] I'm just going to open my mouth and see what comes out, which is a terrible way to do it.

[1:27:31] Whoa.

[1:27:32] Whoa.

[1:27:33] A dangerous thing to do.

[1:27:34] Yeah.

[1:27:35] What if it was like a swarm of scarabs like in the movie?

[1:27:39] That would have been terrifying.

[1:27:41] Yeah.

[1:27:42] Although it would have been pretty exciting about the future of computer graphics.

[1:27:47] Yeah.

[1:27:48] Anyway, here's my jumbotron message.

[1:27:51] I'm here to tell you to subscribe to WikiWheel with Max and Shay on your preferred podcast app.

[1:27:55] Now, hey, one couple's randomized ramble through Wikipedia.

[1:27:59] That's WikiWheel.

[1:28:00] Join us as we explore all of human knowledge via Wikipedia's random article feature.

[1:28:04] We've written EastEnders fan fiction, played Bang Mary Kill with the World's Great Mountain Ranges,

[1:28:09] and done a really bad job at the My Little Pony collectible card game.

[1:28:13] That's WikiWheel with Max and Shay.

[1:28:15] Subscribe on your preferred podcast app.

[1:28:16] Oh, that sounds really fun.

[1:28:18] It does.

[1:28:19] I'm going to take a brief pause on this podcast to talk about how I'm watching Archie drink out of Dan's toilet.

[1:28:24] Oh, no.

[1:28:25] Dan, that's where you go potty, and he's just drinking it.

[1:28:28] It's crazy.

[1:28:29] Why would he do that?

[1:28:30] Oh.

[1:28:31] Okay.

[1:28:32] That cat has gone to the dog.

[1:28:33] Literally.

[1:28:34] Yep.

[1:28:35] Archie, a new syndicated comic strip by Dan McCoy.

[1:28:38] There isn't one called Archie yet, right?

[1:28:41] I mean, there is a comic called Archie.

[1:28:43] They made a TV show called Riverdale based on it.

[1:28:46] Where's one Riverdale's from?

[1:28:50] Wait, it's like a superhero comic strip?

[1:28:53] Not exactly, unless he becomes, what's his name, Proudheart.

[1:28:57] Isn't that Archie's superhero character?

[1:28:59] What?

[1:29:00] Dan, if you were able to sell a syndicated daily comic strip about your own cat,

[1:29:04] would you die from happiness or would you die from sadness that you had no more worlds left to conquer?

[1:29:11] I think we both know what the answer to that would be, Elliot.

[1:29:15] Guys, we probably talked about this, but if you were going to have to pitch a comic strip to a television channel

[1:29:25] to be like a hot teen reimagining of a comic strip, which one would you pick?

[1:29:29] Did we already talk about this?

[1:29:30] Did we already talk about how I would pitch Rose's Rose?

[1:29:32] I don't think we did.

[1:29:33] Rose's Rose?

[1:29:34] You're pitching what?

[1:29:35] I would pitch Rose's Rose.

[1:29:36] I think we did talk about your Rose's Rose picture somewhat, I think.

[1:29:39] Damn it.

[1:29:40] I don't know if it was on the podcast, but we certainly have had that conversation.

[1:29:44] Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Okay.

[1:29:46] Did I tell you about my Snuffy Smith idea?

[1:29:50] Wow. Too hot for TV.

[1:29:53] It's a gritty teen Snuffy Smith because it's time to bring back sexy young hillbillies.

[1:30:00] Bring him back? Okay, so I got a jubbity jumbotron. This message is for the

[1:30:09] original peaches. That is us. The message is from Andrew, last name withheld. Hey

[1:30:15] guys, I love the show. It makes me sad when there isn't a jumbotron because I

[1:30:20] want you to get paid. Also, I want to get my words on the show. My options are to

[1:30:26] write a letter or to make a jumbotron, but I don't want to pander to Dan. Thus,

[1:30:31] there is only one real option, and this is how I effectively preempt the song.

[1:30:37] That's how it works. Whoa. Thank you very much, Andrew. Thank you for supporting the

[1:30:47] show. It means a lot because we like money and saying words. I mean, the money

[1:30:56] paid for the jumbotron really salves the wound of my being owned at the ends

[1:31:00] there. He literally hacked into the mainframe. That was a life hack onto

[1:31:03] the show. Dan, would you call pandering to you dandering because I'm

[1:31:09] allergic to it? Yes, thank you. I would. That's a lovely portmanteau. Guys, we got

[1:31:16] a little Archie update. Archie is now sleeping off having a mouthful of toilet

[1:31:21] water. He is not drinking anymore. Just tune back in for more Archie updates

[1:31:27] later in the show. Thanks for those jumbotrons. Everybody, sign up for

[1:31:32] Jumbotron if you've got a message to send to us. It doesn't have to be about us, but

[1:31:35] that's really nice. Dan, do we have some things of our own to promote? Is that the

[1:31:39] time for this? Sure. Are you wanting to promote them? Sure. We've got some

[1:31:47] live shows coming up. When this airs, when this gets

[1:31:53] released, we'll already be in Washington DC, right, for a Washington DC show. So if

[1:31:58] you're listening to this, I guess Saturday morning, we're doing a live show

[1:32:02] in Washington DC tonight on May, was it 26? I believe that's correct. Yeah, on May

[1:32:10] 26 in Washington DC at the historic Sixth and I Synagogue. That's right. It's

[1:32:15] gonna be a night of kabbalistic wisdom and Talmudic debate all around the

[1:32:20] subject of Geostorm. I'm into that. We've got a show in Brooklyn on June 7th.

[1:32:26] I believe that's sold out. So if you want to hang out outside and just shout our

[1:32:31] names at us, we probably won't hear you, but thanks to everyone who already bought

[1:32:36] tickets. And then at the end of that month, at the end of June,

[1:32:40] we've got a show in Seattle, Washington. That's right, The Big Easy. And I've never

[1:32:45] been there before and I'm very excited to see Seattle because I want to take

[1:32:50] that Frasier reality tour that the real Frasier Crane does, where he tells you

[1:32:53] about the locations that inspired the hit show, Frasier. Do I know anything else

[1:32:57] about Seattle other than Frasier? I do not. And Dan, do you remember what day that

[1:33:01] is in June? That is June 30th. Yeah, June 30th. And tickets are still available for

[1:33:07] that one. Yes. And at all our launch shows, we're gonna have special

[1:33:14] limited tour t-shirts and tour posters. Prices TBD. Bring cash because we cannot

[1:33:23] accept credit cards. Yeah, we can't accept that there's a system in

[1:33:28] place where you use a piece of plastic to exchange for... Yeah, that's right. We can't

[1:33:33] sincerely accept the existence of credit cards. Or, you know what? I might look up into setting a Venmo

[1:33:38] account up. Okay. But please bring cash if you can. That would be the easiest thing.

[1:33:42] We're gonna have exclusive tour t-shirts and posters and as anyone who's been to

[1:33:46] a live show knows that we do presentations before the episode that

[1:33:50] gets recorded, where we talk about other stuff, PowerPoint-wise. Yeah, I just spent

[1:33:55] his money and it's really dumb. And I know I've set myself the challenge of doing a

[1:34:01] new presentation for every one of these shows that I will never do again. That is

[1:34:05] tailored to that specific show. So, if you want to see this exclusive Elliot Kalin

[1:34:10] humor content, come to these shows. Otherwise, you'll never see them because

[1:34:15] I'm gonna burn the scripts and burn the PowerPoint slides by throwing my

[1:34:18] computer into a fireplace. Okay. Well, moving on though to letters from

[1:34:25] listeners. Listeners like you. Are you listening right now? Could be your letter

[1:34:30] if you sent one in. If you didn't send one in, the odds are not good. This first

[1:34:37] letter is from Charlie, last name with hell. Daniels? Sure. He writes... Now, Dan,

[1:34:43] before you get into that letter, I just want to say I would sing a

[1:34:46] song here, but I am both recovering from a cold and also heading out to

[1:34:50] Disneyland later today. So, I've got a lot of energy I've got to save up for this

[1:34:54] trip. So, I can fight the germs and also fight the crowds to get on some of the

[1:34:58] hottest rides in Southern California. Okay. Weird little plug there, but...

[1:35:05] Disneyland. Have you heard of it? Dan, did I forget to mention that Disney bought the

[1:35:11] Blob House? Okay. Yeah, we're gonna be in Avengers Infinity War 2. Avengers versus

[1:35:16] the Blob House. I mean, finally this thing is gonna be, you know, as profitable as we

[1:35:21] hoped. I think I would really get along with those Guardians of the Galaxy

[1:35:25] characters. Yeah. They're really silly, and I think we'd really, you know, it'd be

[1:35:29] really fun. People would like that. I can see Stew and Guardians of the Galaxy.

[1:35:34] Yeah. Yeah, Stew Lord. Yeah, it's Stew Lord. Anyway, Charlie says, hey peaches, you guys

[1:35:40] are obviously experts re, or re, good bad movies. I'd like to see you correcting

[1:35:48] your own pronunciation, Dan. That is the Blob House's wheelhouse, after all. But your

[1:35:53] episode on The Greatest Showman got me wondering about bad good movies. That is,

[1:35:57] movies which, in their earnest striving to be recognized as good, actually turn

[1:36:02] out pretty bad. Mileage may vary, but I'm thinking of The Curious Case of Benjamin

[1:36:06] Button, which I recently saw on a plane for the first time and simply could not

[1:36:09] fucking believe. Hugely disappointing as the follow-up to Zodiac. In your

[1:36:14] estimation, what are the worst? They're related? Benjamin Button was the Zodiac killer? Yeah, yeah, because they

[1:36:21] cut out a scene where Benjamin Button is the Zodiac killer. Yeah. It's part of the David

[1:36:26] Fincher cinematic universe. Yes, in your estimation, what are the worst bad good

[1:36:31] movies? Now, of course, in our, in our ranking system, these movies still would

[1:36:38] just be bad bad, but movies that strive so far for goodness that they become bad.

[1:36:44] Okay, so Dan's clarifying that one for the pedants out there. Yeah, exactly.

[1:36:48] Well, Benjamin Button, man, that is a good one, because that is a terrible movie. I

[1:36:54] hated it in the theater. I didn't understand why people liked it. I hate it.

[1:36:58] I hate it so much. I hate it. I would say the one, a movie that I, that I kind of

[1:37:08] think of is, did you ever see that comedy 50-50, where Joseph Gordon-Levitt is

[1:37:15] playing? Yeah, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, it's the true story of one of the

[1:37:20] screenwriters-like battles with cancer. Okay. And, like, it's a, it's a true story,

[1:37:25] and it's moving. I just found the movie completely bland and boring, and it's

[1:37:30] something that, like, I liked the actors in it, and I wanted to like it. I just

[1:37:34] couldn't. Interesting. I like that one a little bit. I understand that. I actually

[1:37:40] have it on my DVR right now, so now I'm... Oh, no, I ruined it for you. Maybe you'll watch it and love it, and then you'll text me late, like, one in the

[1:37:48] morning, saying I was totally wrong. No, I'll probably text you being like, right

[1:37:53] on 50-50. Mm-hmm. Hey, guys, I've got four words. I mean, there are a lot of movies

[1:37:58] that fall into this category. A lot of, like, Stanley Kramer films, like, Inherit

[1:38:02] the Wind has always stuck out that way for me, or, you know, Guess Who's Coming to

[1:38:06] Get Dinner, where it's like, this movie's so goddamn important. Everything about it's

[1:38:10] important. But here's, I got four words for you that sum this up for me. The

[1:38:14] Cider House Rules. Wow. That's not a fan. That's Dan's favorite Michael Caine. Where it's like, I

[1:38:24] remember watching that movie, and this movie is so striving to be beautiful and

[1:38:30] important and meaningful, and I was like, I don't understand what this movie is

[1:38:34] trying to communicate to me at all. Like, I don't find it

[1:38:40] interesting. I don't know why the characters are doing these things. I

[1:38:42] don't know. I'm getting nothing from it, you know. I mean, you see, what,

[1:38:46] Charlize Theron's butt at one point, which seemed to be the filmmakers

[1:38:53] being like, all right, I'll throw you a bone, the things about, you know, that for

[1:38:58] the pure prurient interests in the crowd. But this is an important piece of

[1:39:01] filmmaking. I was just like, don't care for this movie. It is taking itself too

[1:39:06] seriously, and I don't like it. Elliot, would you say that the Cider House

[1:39:09] Drools? It's a harsh, a harsh way to go, but if I was being honest, yes, I would

[1:39:15] say the Cider House Drools. Okay, that's very brave of you. Dan, are you gonna say

[1:39:20] the Imitation Game? No, that's a good one. I was gonna go with... Oh, that is a good one.

[1:39:26] Dan, wait, Dan, are you aware that now we call them computers? Okay. Maybe it makes

[1:39:31] more sense to you now. No, okay, it's all coming together. And Benedict Cumberbatch

[1:39:35] was dead the whole time. What? I mean, his character dies very early on in the film.

[1:39:41] What? No, I was gonna go with a flophouse movie, and that movie is Labor Day, which

[1:39:51] I feel is so freighted with the weight of wanting to be... Freightweight.

[1:40:00] serious doomed romance and

[1:40:02] It's just absurd like I still think of the pie-making scene

[1:40:09] Every time you jacket you think

[1:40:15] You know Dan there's a movie about that yeah, I know it's called trouble with the curve

[1:40:24] Trouble with the curve

[1:40:26] I

[1:40:28] Remember, it's the kind of movie this is my experience watching it was I was on a vacation

[1:40:33] My wife was very tired

[1:40:34] She took a nap and I watched it in the hotel room while she slept and I was like yeah

[1:40:38] This is exactly the movie. I should be watching right now. It's trouble with the curve

[1:40:41] It's a movie to watch in a hotel room while your partner sleeps. Yeah

[1:40:46] perfect perfect stuff

[1:40:50] This is a from Kira last name shared with a fast-food restaurant

[1:40:56] So Burger King Burger King churches dear peaches White Castle

[1:41:11] Started listening to your podcast several months ago

[1:41:13] And was working my way sporadically through your blessedly extensive back catalog when I finally got around to breaking off a relationship

[1:41:20] I knew I needed it to end

[1:41:22] Imagine my surprise when while listening to an older episode sorry about the old ones I believe the boy

[1:41:29] It was not that old

[1:41:31] I

[1:41:32] Suddenly heard Elliot say ladies don't date a guy named my ex's name

[1:41:37] Although the warning came just a little too late to prevent me from going down a doomed romantic route

[1:41:41] It gives I didn't come in earlier

[1:41:43] It did give me a strange amount of comfort to hear my decision to break it off supported retroactively

[1:41:48] Any other advice to spare for a single girl in her earlier 20s with and when I decided to share my

[1:41:54] Throw myself back to the dating game. Maybe a complete list of guy names. I should strike from the list of potential suitors altogether

[1:42:02] I'll also accept cliches folksy aphorisms and older brother type advice. Thanks so much Kira last name guys

[1:42:08] I have a ton of advice. All right. Okay. Okay. Let's hear it first one. Avoid Dan McCoy's. Yeah

[1:42:14] I mean

[1:42:17] Number two get a job at a magazine or a newspaper. Mm-hmm

[1:42:22] Okay

[1:42:26] Well, cuz then you'll like then you'll start up like a

[1:42:29] Camaraderie with your co-workers and there'll be some sexual tension like a will they won't they thing and then eventually you'll fall in love and get

[1:42:36] Married, it'll be great. Yeah, or you know, like like a couple seasons in get another

[1:42:42] Or, you know like choose another career that people have a vague idea of what it entails

[1:42:46] But not enough that you actually like can object to anything like architect. Oh, you know, I'm running an art gallery

[1:42:52] Uh-huh. Uh-huh or making drawing the Caroline the city comics. Mm-hmm

[1:42:59] Look, I think it seems like

[1:43:01] Dating now is so different from it feels from when it was when I was dating. I stopped dating

[1:43:07] 15 years ago. I hope the woman who became my wife. I still dabble in it. No, that's not us. Yeah

[1:43:14] But there's some things that are eternal verities and I guess it's like

[1:43:21] You know be be aware of what

[1:43:24] You want from a relationship try to find people who want something similar from that don't and try not to confuse

[1:43:32] Somebody if you're looking for a long-term relationship try not to confuse somebody who is like

[1:43:38] cool with the person you actually will be happy with or

[1:43:42] You know have a good relationship with I think that's something that I know a lot of guys make the mistake of I don't know about

[1:43:48] Girls Stewart has just put on sunglasses

[1:43:51] Emphasize the point that he's a cool dude in a long-term very healthy relationship

[1:43:55] So I don't know maybe I'm wrong

[1:43:57] But uh a lot of a lot of knowing what to do in dating comes from knowing yourself

[1:44:02] Self knowledge is the source of all things. And so I

[1:44:05] Don't know just don't uh, don't don't be someone else be yourself. Yeah

[1:44:11] Dan, do you have advice guys if I had advice I would be in my situation

[1:44:15] I just put this letter in here so I can listen to your advice. Oh, okay. It was a trick

[1:44:20] I don't know. Don't this Dan's already on Craigslist applying to jobs in a magazine. Yeah

[1:44:27] Because we because you know that we hate giving advice. That's one thing. We never want to do I guess

[1:44:32] On a name thing don't date a Chad or a Chet

[1:44:36] Okay, that's about as far as what if it was what if it was jazz musician Chet Baker? Oh

[1:44:41] Mm-hmm. I mean, he's probably not a good guy, right?

[1:44:45] Probably jazz musicians tend not to be good guys. What if it was hanging Chad from the 2000 election? Oh, no, that's terrible

[1:44:52] Helped ruin the country for a long time. That's fair. What about what about what about Chaz home and Terry? That's a Chaz

[1:44:59] That's totally so it's

[1:45:01] Chaz is great. That's a great

[1:45:04] Sounds like cheese

[1:45:07] I

[1:45:08] Would say I would say dear listener

[1:45:11] don't confuse the person you are hoping someone will be to the person that they are and

[1:45:17] You know, you want to go into things with with open eyes?

[1:45:20] Mm-hmm

[1:45:24] And I have one more thing I have one more thing I have one more thing

[1:45:26] Yeah

[1:45:26] Don't confuse don't confuse being in a relationship with being a worthwhile person you have worth and you have

[1:45:34] importance to you and you have

[1:45:36] Meaning without having to reflect that off of another human being so if you're starting to if you ever find yourself making the mistake of

[1:45:43] Saying who am I? I'm not even you know dating someone like don't do that. That's not the way you should think

[1:45:49] Certainly, don't confuse it with happiness because happiness. Oh

[1:45:52] Something that comes from within and happiness is really only two things a warm gun or a warm puppy. Yeah

[1:46:00] and a fun movie I

[1:46:03] Would say never forget that clear eyes full hearts can't lose

[1:46:09] Thanks guys

[1:46:10] Good night

[1:46:12] so

[1:46:13] I've got

[1:46:15] Two more letters, but the real quick the first one is from Mike last name withheld who writes and Mike and the mad dog

[1:46:21] Yeah as a recent first-time father

[1:46:23] I've come to learn that you're supposed to talk and sing to your child often for me as a sleep-deprived

[1:46:28] 30-something this means singing the letter song to my daughter not any specific letter song per se

[1:46:33] But the kind of stream of consciousness word soup that rarely ends where it started my question Elliot

[1:46:38] What is Sammy's favorite letter song was the podcast just your practice for fatherhood? I?

[1:46:43] Mean in that I'm dealing with Dan and Stu yes very much. So it's a practice for fatherhood

[1:46:49] Just kidding guys

[1:46:51] This is serious answer that question though the letter song Sammy likes the most and always has liked is that's the way it works

[1:46:57] Or that's how it works

[1:46:59] He memorized the words to that and for a long time. He would go daddy sings speaking of birthdays

[1:47:04] Like the part where Dan says speaking of birthdays and I go speaking of birthdays what we're talking about

[1:47:11] So that's the one he likes the most the problem with doing those stream of conscious songs

[1:47:15] Is that when they get a little older they go sing that song again the one from yesterday, and you're like

[1:47:20] Oh, I don't remember it. I don't know what it was but I like we oh

[1:47:25] There is no yesterday. We only move forward Sammy

[1:47:29] Looking back as toxic nostalgia mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. That's what I say

[1:47:35] This is a death of creativity

[1:47:37] Well that was a lovely insight into your relationship with your child mm-hmm, it's great. I love him. He's a good kid

[1:47:44] Oh this just in Elliot loves his child

[1:47:48] News alert stop the presses now start him again. It actually wasn't worth stopping for

[1:47:53] Last letter very quickly to flop it may concern

[1:47:57] It is with great sorrow that I must inform you that the flop house house cat TM has been declared missing presumed dead

[1:48:05] Having not been heard of since April 19th 2014 episode 150 this authority can only assume that he is perished

[1:48:11] Most likely doing something radical like hang gliding or skateboarding down a dead man's curve while chomping on a slice-of-zah

[1:48:18] Mr.. Stewart Wellington has been named next of kin although

[1:48:22] No one has actually seen him in the house cat in the same room together our floppiest condolences officer last name withheld

[1:48:28] generic Police Department

[1:48:30] 555 ordinary Avenue generic City USA

[1:48:33] 1 2 3 4 5

[1:48:37] That's really sad, but my real question is Dane. Did you say grape at the beginning of that?

[1:48:42] Did I say great at the beginning of that? I think you said great at the beginning of that well

[1:48:51] The letter and I've been nothing there looks like grape at all

[1:48:54] You know it is with great sorrow, okay? Yeah, great sorrow, okay?

[1:48:59] Wow that was a good good attempt to change the subject of the conversation there, mr.

[1:49:04] Wellington

[1:49:06] if it doesn't bother you I'd like to ask you a few questions about the

[1:49:10] reported mysterious missingness of one

[1:49:13] Cat comma house the mr.

[1:49:15] Cat the cat in question was last seen several years ago in your company

[1:49:21] Where were you that night of April 19th 2014 if you don't mind my asking?

[1:49:26] Let's see I was at a Chuck-e-cheese pizza parlor

[1:49:32] Okay, makes sense checks out makes sense working my shift in the mouse costume

[1:49:38] All right, okay, and I'm sure we can't we can't find any witnesses to back it up because how would they know it's you?

[1:49:44] You're in a mouse costume unless unless they can they know the smell of my caked on sweat that I

[1:49:50] Exude into that costume every day. This is information. I don't necessarily need

[1:49:55] My case you just have to understand that I I just run hot guys

[1:50:00] I run hot a bit so like and you know I take a lot of hydration you know I take

[1:50:06] a lot of it I take a lot of water so it all comes out of my body that's how it

[1:50:11] happens that's how I've heard when you're saying to me is that you're hot

[1:50:15] blooded and as is my job as a police officer I'd like to check it see oh dear

[1:50:20] God you've got a fever of 103 the thing is Elliot or officer Elliot or whatever

[1:50:30] I need to find out if you do more than dance that's what it says in the

[1:50:35] fucking song it's wild that makes sense that makes sense just one more question

[1:50:41] did you kill the house yet you know guys I don't really kill the house cat let's

[1:50:45] get real I'm gonna turn my chair backwards I just haven't seen him in a

[1:50:50] while you know yeah that's the instead of me leveling with you I mean he was

[1:50:57] very much the breakout star of the podcast and he did have a TV show on the

[1:51:00] CW for a little bit of time so he's probably just biding his time until he

[1:51:04] makes it into probably features yeah I mean I'm sure you could sneak some kind

[1:51:09] of poochie meme in here somewhere where you insert the house cat in place of

[1:51:13] poochie but no the house gets very much alive and well he just hasn't come out

[1:51:16] in a while yeah and I'm just gonna say if anyone wants to make a podcast where

[1:51:21] they essentially stalk the house cat cuz they're worried he's in trouble just

[1:51:26] don't okay the guy's entitled to some privacy he was the face of American

[1:51:29] fitness for decades I don't need you hanging around outside his house

[1:51:33] insinuating that he's getting a sex change or is being kept a prisoner he's

[1:51:39] entitled some privacy he's an elderly fitness magnate we don't need you

[1:51:42] stalking him in podcast for there's a certain lack of journalism ethics or

[1:51:47] responsibility in that situation all right mm-hmm yeah good you know good

[1:51:54] reprimand so it's time for our last segment of the podcast which is

[1:51:59] recommendations of movies you should watch instead of instead of this one

[1:52:06] already already forgot what we watched huh I did okay I'm gonna make mine

[1:52:13] really quick because it's already been recommended on the podcast but it just

[1:52:16] so happens to be the only movie I've seen recently that I really liked yeah

[1:52:20] so I'm gonna back hard bodies yeah that was on I sent Elliot screenshot of the

[1:52:28] Sony movie channel lineup last night and that hard bodies followed by hard

[1:52:32] buddies to followed by hard bodies again followed by hard bodies to again Dan has

[1:52:37] discovered this TV channel that I think it's like a Daniel Pinkwater lizard

[1:52:40] music type scenario where it's just beamed into dance house this whole

[1:52:44] channel that's just 80s DNA and horror movies and monster movies I it's like I

[1:52:49] don't know what's going it's like I worry that is part of some demons plot

[1:52:53] to ensnare dance soul after a certain amount of time yeah but that's not the

[1:52:58] movie I'm recommending I'm recommending I mean obviously if you're gonna wear it

[1:53:02] watch a stupid sex comedy from the 80s you should watch you should watch the

[1:53:05] joysticks which is yeah but anyway no I'm recommending although I mean

[1:53:15] joysticks is a fine recommendation I like I can see the angel the devil on

[1:53:22] Dan's shoulders the devil's like just go ahead and recommend joysticks do it it's

[1:53:29] a safe space no it's not it's not a safe place at all I'm recommending bone

[1:53:34] bone tomahawk which we've talked about in this movie before yeah and I just

[1:53:39] want to the one thought I had which is I texted Ellie and Stu is between this and

[1:53:44] the descent it seems like movies with troglodytes in them like all of them are

[1:53:50] super tense even before the monsters show up because yeah like in the movie

[1:53:54] you're like why is she doing this one of the great screen legends why is she in

[1:54:01] this film but I mean there's part of the movie bone tomahawk is a guy in the Old

[1:54:08] West where they did not have good medical care having to ride out and then

[1:54:12] walk on a broken leg that is splinted and I found that probably more

[1:54:20] distressing than any part of the movie that came at the end any part well there

[1:54:24] is a very famous scene in bone tomahawk that is quite grotesque but we won't get

[1:54:29] into that we won't spoil that let's just say it involves a bone tomahawk

[1:54:34] yeah I mean I think I recommend it in the past or Elliot recommended and I

[1:54:38] think it's got some really great stuff Richard Jenkins gives an amazing

[1:54:42] performance and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it potentially has troubling

[1:54:50] politics but yeah the movie takes great pains to try and divorce the monsters

[1:54:57] from Native Americans I'm not quite sure it totally works so that's a troubling

[1:55:04] element of the film but otherwise it's quite a fine piece of exploitation

[1:55:10] filmmaking I'm gonna recommend a big action movie this is I'm gonna recommend

[1:55:17] an action movie that I kind of consider to be foundational for action movies in

[1:55:22] general I'm sure we talked about on the show but I don't think I've ever

[1:55:25] recommended it I'm gonna recommend the movie from 1992 called hard-boiled it's

[1:55:32] hard-bodied it's hard bodies I said it wrong

[1:55:46] so but Chow Yun-Fat's great in hard bodies so Chow Yun-Fat who is I know I'm

[1:55:54] pronouncing it wrong but I'm saying it the more fun way for me he he stars in

[1:56:01] it he's been a bunch of John Woo's movies this is like the kind of the for

[1:56:07] me the perfect like bullet ballet Hong Kong action movie you got a good cop and

[1:56:14] a bad cop and you got Chow Yun-Fat playing a cop named tequila which is

[1:56:18] awesome there's a lot of shooting and this movie similar to Justice League

[1:56:26] there's a lot at stake you know there's a scene just like how just to see the

[1:56:32] Justice League the fate of the world's at stake hard-boiled actually takes that

[1:56:36] and makes you feel it by having a scene where a in this hospital there's a room

[1:56:42] full of babies that are going to get set on fire and our hero has to get all

[1:56:47] those babies out and his pants catch on fire and the baby pees on the fire

[1:56:52] and he calls the baby a little piss pot or something and it's awesome so watch

[1:56:57] hard-boiled says there's something about the Hong Kong action movies where it's

[1:57:03] like the most intense action the most over-the-top emotion and then the

[1:57:07] dumbest like kind of gags that it's a beautiful stew yes a beautiful stew

[1:57:13] starring me what's like I had to I'm working on a presentation right now for

[1:57:19] one of our live shows and I had to watch a little bit of rumble in the Bronx

[1:57:23] and I and I hadn't watched that in years and I was like I forgot how goofy this

[1:57:27] movie is like it's so goofy but that's it's a Jackie Chan movie yeah it was

[1:57:31] really great though it was a really great way for me to prepare to move to

[1:57:34] New York City better bone up on what this place is like Jackie show me the

[1:57:41] way I'll recommend my movie real quick so my movie is going to be look guys

[1:57:56] we're living at a time when it seems like Washington is in crisis politics

[1:58:00] is really is full of kind of slimy types and we all yearn back for the better

[1:58:04] times before then right before now when it was when things were better people

[1:58:07] were honest I'm here to tell you it was never that way and I want to recommend a

[1:58:11] movie that kind of points that up so this is the movie Advise and Consent

[1:58:14] from 1962 it's an auto premature movie about the president has nominated Henry

[1:58:20] Fonda for Secretary of State not the actor Henry Fonda but a character Henry

[1:58:24] Fonda's playing and Henry Fonda has some has a leftist connection in his past

[1:58:29] was was a possibly a red at some point and this is about the Senate all and all

[1:58:34] the different senators in the president everybody maneuvering to try to either

[1:58:38] get this appointment forward or stop it and in doing so one senator who has a

[1:58:42] secret in his past that now especially looking at it from this vantage point is

[1:58:48] we you know it's something that we look at differently now that they would have

[1:58:53] then becomes the crux of the whole thing and just giving the spoilering a little

[1:58:59] bit about it it's I think might be the first Hollywood movie to have a scene

[1:59:03] set in a gay bar certainly the first the first Hollywood movie in this you

[1:59:08] know in the second half of century to have a scene set in a gay bar and it's

[1:59:11] very interesting to watch how this movie shows kind of like scandal around a

[1:59:18] character having a gay past without the movie necessarily looking down on it in

[1:59:22] a bad way or judging it but it's a it's the movie has got a star-studded cast

[1:59:28] you got Henry Fonda Charles Love's in it Burgess Meredith's in it Betty White

[1:59:32] makes her film debut in a small part in it there's a Franschot tone is in it

[1:59:37] Gene Tierney's in it Peter Laffer's in it Walter Pidgeon all your favorite

[1:59:40] actors and it's one of these movies that occasionally the characters speechify a

[1:59:45] little bit too much and get a little too long but it's like just feels like you're

[1:59:50] what you're like okay this is reassuring to me that Washington was kind of always

[1:59:54] filled with the worst people playing tricks on each other and and kind of

[1:59:58] doing things for personal

[2:00:00] rather than what's good for anybody else.

[2:00:02] I found that, I think at the time,

[2:00:03] it was meant to be kind of like a poison letter

[2:00:05] to Washington about what a corrupt place it is,

[2:00:07] but looking at it now, it's like,

[2:00:08] this is very comforting to me,

[2:00:11] that it's kind of always been that way.

[2:00:13] So advise and consent.

[2:00:16] Yeah, that's a good one.

[2:00:17] Three movies.

[2:00:18] Those are-

[2:00:19] Four if you count hard bodies.

[2:00:21] Five if you count joysticks,

[2:00:25] which is less offensive than hard bodies.

[2:00:26] I don't necessarily recommend hard bodies.

[2:00:30] Okay, you got to keep one foot on the beach, I guess, Dan.

[2:00:33] Yeah.

[2:00:35] So guys, I guess that's it.

[2:00:38] We've had a good time.

[2:00:39] The sun sets on another flophouse.

[2:00:41] But for now, I've been Dan-

[2:00:44] Wait, hold on.

[2:00:45] Hey Dan, before we go, before we go,

[2:00:47] what did you learn today?

[2:00:51] Jesus, Elliot, why did you do this to me?

[2:00:53] Is this the only way you can pay the boatman?

[2:00:57] Uh, I learned that Elliot and I

[2:01:02] have different feelings on the Flash,

[2:01:04] and that's all right.

[2:01:06] We're different people.

[2:01:07] Okay, what did you learn today, Elliot?

[2:01:09] I think what I learned was that

[2:01:13] there's a lot more going on in the TV show Riverdale

[2:01:16] and the moms they're in than I ever realized.

[2:01:20] And Stuart, what did you learn?

[2:01:21] And I learned that Elliot hasn't been

[2:01:23] paying attention to my fan fiction before now.

[2:01:26] I told you I read it, though.

[2:01:29] All right, well now, for the flophouse,

[2:01:32] I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:01:33] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[2:01:35] And I'm Elliot Kalin, saying to you out there,

[2:01:38] thanks for listening.

[2:01:40] Good night, bye.

[2:01:46] That's true, next weekend, woo, D.C.

[2:01:50] Are we gonna kiss?

[2:01:51] Yeah, you know it.

[2:01:54] All right.

[2:01:55] I'm in a foreign city all by myself.

[2:01:57] Who knows what could happen?

[2:01:58] Perhaps it's time to make this

[2:02:00] sexual tension into just sexual.

[2:02:02] Yep, one night in D.C. makes the tough men sexy.

[2:02:08] The implication there is that tough men are not sexy,

[2:02:10] which I find very funny.

[2:02:13] It's something that Terry Crews

[2:02:14] wrote an entire book about.

[2:02:18] The His Book Crews Control?

[2:02:22] Did not sell well.

[2:02:23] People mistook it for sweet too, so.

[2:02:26] Yeah, nobody wants that.

[2:02:27] It's why people don't buy shoes from Shoes for Crews,

[2:02:31] because they think they're only for Terry Crews.

[2:02:35] He's like, those shoes don't fit me.

[2:02:37] Yeah, I don't wanna take the limited resource of shoes

[2:02:40] that are exclusively for Terry Crews.

[2:02:43] Maximumfun.org.

[2:02:45] Comedy and culture, artist owned.

[2:02:47] Listener supported.

Ep. #258 - Justice League

Chapters

Transcript

Description