Ep. #261 - The Hurricane Heist

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the hurricane heist.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] Buckle your seatbelts and seat your buckle belts.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:34] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] Oh, wow, right out of the gate, big energy from Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm your other announcer, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:42] And I'm your third announcer, Elliot Kalin, coming at you live from my in-law's house in Northern California.

[0:48] Cool, cool, cool.

[0:49] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[0:49] Wrap, wrap, wrap.

[0:50] Yeah, this is going to be a weird episode.

[0:52] Why is it weird?

[0:53] Well, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[0:54] Why is this night weirder than all the nights?

[0:55] Why you got to make it weird, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Stuart is tired from a two-day bachelor party he went to.

[1:01] I am tired because I had my birthday party the night before, and I'm a little hungover.

[1:06] And Elliot is in a new place.

[1:08] He's at his in-law's house trying to broadcast from there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Uh-huh.

[1:12] And the Popeye's chicken delivery guy was 20 minutes late.

[1:15] Yeah.

[1:15] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17] Indeed.

[1:18] So I'm still chowing down on it.

Dan McCoy

[1:22] It's accurate.

[1:23] It's an accurate depiction.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25] Crunch, crunch, crunch.

[1:26] That's all the bones.

[1:26] Crunch, crunch, crunch.

[1:28] He ate the bones.

[1:29] Now follow me into the bathroom for the next stage of this period.

[1:32] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33] The human digestive system is a wondrous place.

[1:38] Hmm.

[1:40] Take a trip with us, shall you?

[1:42] Guys, so the thing about the day after a two-day bachelor party is that, much like Alec Holland,

[1:50] I don't know if I'm actually Stuart Wellington or if I'm just tequila that believes it's Stuart

[1:56] Wellington.

[1:57] Mm-hmm.

[1:58] So we'll have to test my blood later and find out.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] I believe this is what the movie The Day After was about, right?

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] Is that the one with the giant waves and the geostorms?

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] No, no.

[2:09] It's the one where it's a nuclear war.

Dan McCoy

[2:11] Oh, okay.

[2:12] I think you're thinking of The Day After tomorrow.

[2:14] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[2:14] Yeah, yeah.

[2:15] That's Monday.

[2:17] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] You're thinking of the movie Monday.

[2:19] Actually, it's Tuesday.

[2:23] Wait, what day is it today?

[2:24] All right, Tuesday.

[2:27] Oh, no.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] I lost a day.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] There was supposed to be time now.

[2:35] Stuart has become unstuck in time, whereas it's also known hungover.

[2:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] Yeah, so what do we do on this podcast, dudes?

[2:45] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:47] Uh-huh.

[2:48] And this time around, we watched a little movie called The Hurricane Heist.

[2:52] Oh, yeah, we did.

[2:52] Now, wait, guys.

[2:53] This is the story of The Hurricane Heist.

[2:56] Don't take a day.

[2:57] All right, go on.

[2:58] I'll keep going.

Stuart Wellington

[2:59] Why didn't you step on his bit?

[3:00] He was waiting the whole fucking episode.

[3:04] However many minutes we've been recording.

[3:07] Yep.

[3:07] That's all I have.

Elliott Kalan

[3:09] You have written down on your hand.

[3:11] It just says, Dylan Parody, Hurricane Heist.

[3:14] Yep.

[3:15] Mm-hmm.

[3:17] It's like, Dan, usually, like, Weird Al will write a whole song that's a parody of the original song.

[3:21] No.

[3:21] All I need is the title.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] I mean, it's like he did the right Dylan and not, like, Kevin Dylan.

Dan McCoy

[3:28] You know, song parodies are like Onion articles.

[3:30] Once you read the headline, you get the idea.

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] I mean, that is true.

[3:34] Yeah.

[3:34] Fair point.

[3:36] That's as true as it is not funny to say.

[3:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] Wow.

[3:42] They say comedy is truth, but no.

[3:45] No, they're wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[3:46] Yeah.

[3:47] So, Dan, here's my question.

[3:49] Uh-huh.

[3:50] This movie, it promises a heist during a hurricane.

[3:53] Yes.

[3:53] So, that's the bar it's gotta clear.

[3:56] Or was this some sort of metaphorical hurricane?

[4:00] Like, uh, like, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[4:01] Yeah, like the movie Rat Race.

[4:03] You're like, those are people.

Elliott Kalan

[4:07] Those are not rats.

[4:08] Yeah.

[4:08] In the movie Ocean's Eleven, you're like, there's not 11 oceans in the world.

[4:12] I'm sorry.

[4:13] That's just bad geography.

Dan McCoy

[4:15] Yeah.

[4:16] So, are you trying to argue that there wasn't a hurricane during a heist in this movie?

[4:19] I'm asking you.

Elliott Kalan

[4:20] I'm saying, Dan.

[4:21] Oh.

[4:21] Was there a heist during a hurricane?

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] Dan, high energy, very defensive already.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Um, I believe that it had the USDA recommended daily allowance of both hurricane and heist.

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] Okay.

[4:35] That's great.

[4:36] I mean, I assume the recommended allowance of hurricane is zero.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[4:41] The recommended allowance of heist probably depends on what end of the heist you're on.

Dan McCoy

[4:44] He probably had more of both than is recommended by the government.

Stuart Wellington

[4:48] Should we do a disclaimer or something saying that hurricanes are terrible and we're not

[4:52] making fun of anybody who has suffered from actual hurricanes?

[4:55] Because it's a...

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Yeah, I did feel like it's fucked over a lot of people.

[4:58] After there have been such big, horrible hurricanes recently, it did take away some of the joy

[5:02] I had in watching the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[5:04] To watch a town being destroyed by a hurricane and be like, oh, this happened recently, many

[5:09] times, and thousands of people died.

[5:11] But this is...

[5:12] I don't know if this is a source of amusement for me anymore.

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:17] But you gotta, you know, you gotta leave your ethics at the door, I guess.

[5:21] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] Yeah, so we both check your ethics at the door.

[5:24] Hey, look, have fun.

[5:26] Check your ethics at the door.

[5:27] Who cares?

[5:28] Yeah.

[5:28] Although I feel like that's what you have to do for pretty much any action movie, because

[5:33] you're getting enjoyment from watching people be killed or hurt.

[5:36] So it's like, there's a certain amount of having to check your ethics.

Stuart Wellington

[5:39] Yeah, I guess if we were reviewing a movie about, I don't know, Jason Voorhees chopping

[5:45] people in half.

[5:47] Would we have to have a disclaimer about how we know that people actually get chopped in

[5:52] half and it's not funny?

[5:52] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] Look, we all know that xenomorphs are a real problem.

[5:58] I shouldn't get enjoyment from watching John Hurt getting his chest bursted open, which

[6:03] was a real problem.

Stuart Wellington

[6:05] I mean, it happened twice, right?

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] Yeah.

[6:09] Once.

[6:10] I mean, that's...

[6:11] Twice canonically.

[6:12] Who once said it once that history happens once as tragedy and second as farce?

[6:17] That's what happened with John Hurt getting a chest bursted.

[6:20] First as a tragic death and then as a Spaceballs bit.

Stuart Wellington

[6:23] I mean, if you count in the order that I watched it, it would be the opposite.

Elliott Kalan

[6:31] But I think that's a good point.

[6:32] We should say that hurricanes are a real issue that hurts a lot of people.

[6:38] So, nice work, Hollywood.

[6:41] Yeah.

[6:42] Smooth move.

[6:43] Entertainment.

[6:44] That having been said, let's jump into the heist.

[6:46] Yeah.

[6:47] The hurricane heist, that is.

[6:49] So, the movie begins in a hurricane.

[6:51] Well, what I like...

[6:52] The movie...

[6:52] The first thing we see is the title card for Entertainment Studios Motion Pictures, which

[6:57] was like...

[6:58] I don't know whose company that is, but it's the most fly-by-night sounding reproduction company.

Stuart Wellington

[7:04] Next to working title.

[7:05] It's the most working title.

Elliott Kalan

[7:08] Yeah.

[7:09] Someone called them up and was like, hey, so you just rented a lot of material and the

[7:15] check bounced.

[7:17] Are you good for the money for all these cameras and equipment?

[7:20] And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:21] What's the name of your company again?

[7:23] Entertainment Studios Motion Pictures.

[7:29] Okay, that's the name of your company?

[7:30] Yeah, sure.

[7:31] Does it need more words in it?

[7:33] No, I don't think it needs more words.

[7:35] Okay, great.

[7:36] Then that's what it's called.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] Thank you for telling me the name of your company.

[7:38] Do you want to write it down so you can remember it for future situations?

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] So, yeah, the first thing we see, it's 1992.

[7:46] That's right.

[7:48] It's year one BJP, or before Jurassic Park, 1992.

[7:53] Clinton's about to be elected to president.

[7:56] George H.W. Bush is leaving office after one term.

[7:59] And America is about to learn a new dance called the Macarena.

[8:03] Dan, take it away.

Dan McCoy

[8:06] The slap bracelets are all the rage as a hypercolor sweeps the nation.

[8:12] And a little scamp called Bart Simpson is probably around at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] Yes, he was.

[8:21] Stu, 1992.

[8:23] Now, Stuart, you're often known as 1990 Stu.

[8:26] Why is that?

Stuart Wellington

[8:27] It's because if you were to be a fly on the wall in a little house in Fort Wayne, Indiana, you would see a young Stuart Wellington discovering what it's like to be 12 years old.

[8:42] Okay.

[8:44] So, masturbating.

[8:47] Yeah, I guess that's what you'd call it technically.

Dan McCoy

[8:51] All right.

[8:52] I don't want to dig any deeper into this whole.

[8:55] And a lot of rad skateboard tricks, I assume.

Stuart Wellington

[8:58] Oh, all of them.

[8:58] See, being an overweight child, I had a really complicated center of balance.

[9:03] So, throw me on a skateboard on wheels and you never know what's going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[9:07] A complicated center of balance.

[9:09] Okay, guys.

[9:10] Well, I think we've adequately set the scene for the movie.

[9:13] Yep.

[9:13] 1992.

[9:14] And Hurricane Andrew is hitting the Gulf.

[9:16] Mm-hmm.

[9:17] Or the South or wherever.

[9:18] I don't know where Hurricane Andrew hit.

[9:19] I apologize.

[9:20] That's on me.

[9:21] I should be more aware of those things.

Stuart Wellington

[9:22] I'm assuming it's the same place that the rest of the movie takes place in.

Elliott Kalan

[9:25] Yes.

[9:25] Which is Gulfport, what?

[9:27] Alabama?

[9:28] Mississippi?

[9:28] Yes, Alabama.

[9:30] Alabama.

[9:31] And so, there's a man and his two boys are trying to outrun a hurricane.

[9:34] They're caught in it.

[9:35] And the younger boy keeps telling the older boy, this is all your fault.

[9:38] This is your fault.

[9:39] They hide in a house.

Stuart Wellington

[9:41] This is the moment that if you were seeing this movie on a date, you would lean over to

[9:45] your date and say, that's the hurricane.

[9:51] And they-

Dan McCoy

[9:52] Sorry.

[9:53] This is also just like Twister.

[9:54] You can't make a movie like this, apparently, without showing that the people involved in

[10:00] the movie have a personal stake in hurricanes and tornadoes.

[10:05] It can't just be that they're terrible disasters.

Elliott Kalan

[10:08] Mm-hmm.

[10:08] And the kids are-

[10:10] The dad's like, just practice your football plays.

[10:14] So, they're just naming football plays and, I guess, talking about them.

[10:18] The boy's hiding the house and the dad is running to catch up to them when, oh, a water

[10:22] tower rolls over him and kills him.

[10:24] Mm-hmm.

[10:25] This death has not really given the weight it deserves, considering that the roof of

[10:29] the house is blown off and a human skull appears in the cloud above the boys.

[10:34] This hurricane is not just any hurricane.

[10:36] It's the angel of death.

Dan McCoy

[10:38] And that's when Dan goes, radical.

Elliott Kalan

[10:41] I will say, if the movie lived up to that moment, I would have thought a little differently

[10:45] about it.

[10:46] But anyway, cut to-

Stuart Wellington

[10:46] I was chomping down on a big bowl of cereal in bed while watching this movie, and I spit

[10:51] that cereal all over my wife's side of the bed.

[10:58] Then I covered it with a blanket.

Elliott Kalan

[11:01] Thus cleaning the whole mess.

[11:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[11:04] And you're like, honey, you always wanted a water bed.

[11:07] She's like, that doesn't make any sense.

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:11] Cut to present day, and Tropical Storm Tammy is about to hit the Gulf, to hit the town of

[11:16] Gulfport.

[11:17] So Sheriff Dixon, he's making everybody evacuate.

[11:20] He's saying, I don't want any fatalities.

[11:21] I don't want any looters.

[11:23] Mandatory evacuation.

[11:24] But meanwhile, driving right into town-

Stuart Wellington

[11:26] At this point, we're being introduced to a lot of characters.

[11:29] And I spent-

[11:30] I don't know if it's because this is one of those action movies that's mixed where all

[11:33] the dialogue is super low and everything else is super loud.

[11:37] But I had a lot of trouble figuring out which people were the kids from the beginning.

[11:43] Yes.

[11:44] For a while, I'm like, is that Sheriff the dad from the beginning?

Elliott Kalan

[11:48] He doesn't have a big mark on his face from when a water tower hit him.

[11:52] So we're going to meet those kids from the beginning in a moment.

[11:57] But I'll go through some of these characters.

[11:59] So we see there's Officer Corbin, who's an officer of the Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms

[12:04] Department.

[12:04] And she's a real bad girl.

[12:06] And she is escorting a convoy of money trucks-

Stuart Wellington

[12:08] Played by Maggie Grace.

[12:10] And usually when you see Maggie Grace in an action movie, you're like, where's Nicolas Cage?

[12:15] Is he hiding around here somewhere?

[12:16] I thought you were going to say-

[12:18] Wait, so the money trucks are being played by Maggie Grace?

[12:20] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] All three of them.

[12:23] That's the kind of range she can show.

[12:25] Uh-huh.

[12:25] Three characters in one movie.

[12:26] Dan, what were you going to say?

[12:26] Oh, no.

[12:27] I thought you just meant that usually when you see an action movie starring Maggie Grace,

[12:31] you're watching Lockout.

[12:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:35] Actually, wait.

[12:36] What is Lockout?

[12:36] I've never seen that movie.

[12:38] Oh, I think he was-

[12:38] Space Jail.

[12:39] Space Jail.

Dan McCoy

[12:39] Oh, Space Jail.

[12:40] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] You may know it under its official title of Space Jail.

[12:43] Yeah.

[12:43] That's how I know it.

[12:45] So, she shows she doesn't play by the rules.

[12:49] She and her co-driver, whose name is what, Connor, I think?

Stuart Wellington

[12:52] Yeah, played by Ralph Ennison from the- I think that's how you pronounce his name- from

[12:58] The Witch.

[12:59] And he's also Ricky Gervais' friend on the British office.

[13:04] Oh, yeah.

[13:04] I forgot about that.

[13:05] I mean, those are the bona fides of an action hero.

[13:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:10] Well, they show they're real action heroes by it.

[13:12] There's a whole line of cars that are being forced to evacuate from the town.

[13:16] They just drive their trucks straight through that traffic jam.

[13:18] Oh, yeah.

[13:19] Because they're in a hurry.

[13:20] They've got to get a load of old money to the shredder at the Treasury Department.

[13:25] That old money needs to be shredded before the hurricane hits.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] When you say they have to get it to a shredder, you're not talking about the villain from the

[13:31] Ninja Turtles range.

Elliott Kalan

[13:32] That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[13:34] Rokusaki is going to be there.

[13:36] And he's going to use that money as a down payment on a new Technodrome.

[13:39] Because they're very expensive.

Stuart Wellington

[13:41] Oh, wow.

[13:41] And they'd just let you pay for those in cash?

[13:43] I feel like they'd require some kind of credit check or something.

Elliott Kalan

[13:47] I mean, if you have the cash, then you don't need credit.

[13:49] Oh, wow.

[13:50] Okay.

[13:51] You've got like $7 billion in cash.

[13:53] But so the shredder is broken at the Treasury Building.

[13:57] So it goes into a fancy vault.

[13:59] Meanwhile, who's our other hero?

[14:02] Well, get ready to meet Will, a climate scientist who's in Gulfport sending up drones.

[14:07] He thinks the storm is going to be worse than the bureaucrats in Washington say.

[14:11] He can smell.

[14:12] It's going to be bad.

[14:12] And this down-home good old boy meteorologist, he knows what's up.

[14:16] This storm is going to be a real stew breaker.

Dan McCoy

[14:19] He's got like a more southern accent than I think I've heard as a hero in a major movie.

[14:25] I mean, this is not a major movie, but they put a lot of money into it.

[14:29] What about Forrest Gump, Dan?

[14:31] I guess you got me there.

[14:32] Good point.

[14:33] I guess you got me there, Stu.

[14:34] What about Con Air, Dan?

[14:36] I'm not complaining about it.

[14:37] I thought it was kind of interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[14:40] What about a face in the crowd, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[14:42] Because you don't normally hear a bunch of different types of voices in movies.

[14:47] Everyone has to sort of talk very clearly.

[14:49] So it was kind of an interesting choice, I thought.

[14:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] I mean, I'm so happy that the hero in the movie was not a guy from the tri-state area or Boston

[14:57] with a heavy neighborhood accent.

[15:01] But also, I don't know, there's a certain amount of, I feel like there's a certain genre of actors

[15:07] pretending to be southern in movies.

[15:08] You have like your hell or high waters and things like that.

[15:11] Although maybe that's more the west than the south.

[15:14] Yeah.

[15:14] But this guy, he does not strike me as either a movie star or an action star.

[15:20] It does feel like they just got some guy to play the part.

[15:23] And I don't know who the actor is.

[15:24] Dan, Stuart, you guys are good at this.

[15:26] Who is it?

Dan McCoy

[15:27] Yeah, Dan.

[15:28] It's Yahoo.

[15:31] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[15:32] I mean, that sounds like a real name.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] Impossible.

[15:39] Check that one out.

[15:41] And so this character, Will, he's one of the brothers from earlier in the movie.

[15:46] Yeah.

[15:47] And he's, ever since his dad was killed by a hurricane, he's had one goal, to save people

[15:52] from hurricanes.

[15:53] He's the Batman of hurricanes.

[15:55] Yeah.

[15:56] Because when he was a rich guy and he was like, hmm, hurricanes are a superstitious and cowardly

[16:01] lot, what shall I dress as to scare them?

[16:03] And a weatherman flew through his window and he said, that's it.

[16:06] I shall be a meteorologist.

Stuart Wellington

[16:08] And instead of a Batmobile, I'll get an armored dune buggy.

Elliott Kalan

[16:12] Which he calls the Dominator.

[16:14] And it's like, yeah, throughout the movie, people are like, this thing's built like a tank,

[16:18] which makes sense.

[16:19] It's built to withstand a hurricane.

Stuart Wellington

[16:21] It's built like a tank, but I hate to jump forward.

[16:25] It's built like a tank.

[16:26] However, the first time somebody shoots at it, it knocks out its satellite array.

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] Yes.

[16:31] Although it does come with what appear to be, as we find out later on, razor sharp hubcaps

[16:35] that can be thrown like batarangs to lodge in bad guys' chests.

Dan McCoy

[16:40] Don't skip to the best part of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[16:43] Okay.

[16:43] So anyway, two technicians come in, some computer guys to fix the shredding software at the

[16:50] Treasury Department.

[16:50] You know they're evil.

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] It kind of looks like the one technician is wearing an evening dress.

[16:57] Yeah.

[16:57] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[16:57] She is.

[16:58] And you know they're evil because they're way overdressed and one of them is English.

[17:02] Yeah.

[17:02] And they are way, they're like way more attractive than they should be for those parts.

[17:06] Uh-huh.

[17:06] And these are, we will find out later, they are the computer hackers in love who commit

[17:11] computer crimes while wearing evening wear.

[17:14] And they're always turning each other on with their hacker talk.

[17:16] Anyway.

[17:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] So, I mean, it's been a while since I've worked in an office, guys.

[17:23] When you call for tech support, is that usually who shows up?

[17:27] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:27] There's usually a young woman in an off-the-shoulder cocktail dress and a British man in a three-piece

[17:33] suit.

[17:33] And they talk to each other in super hacker code.

[17:36] I mean, there's the part, this is one of those movies that actually has a scene where

[17:40] a character explains something about a computer program and the other bad guy goes English.

[17:45] And they have to say like, well, it's going to take three more hours or something like

[17:48] that.

[17:48] Like the old, say it in English, please.

[17:51] We get that old chestnut later on.

[17:53] Uh, so yes, very accurate rendition of tech support.

[17:57] Okay.

[17:57] So, we get a little bit of a personal moment with Agent Corbin.

[18:02] She is reminded that she screwed up a mission in the past and someone got hurt.

[18:06] She is reminded about this on a FaceTime call in a vault in a hurricane.

[18:12] She's getting perfect FaceTime reception.

[18:14] I live in a regular house.

[18:17] Can you hear me now?

[18:18] You bet I can.

[18:19] Underground in a vault during a storm.

[18:22] Uh, and she is suspicious.

[18:24] She, something seems not right about her.

[18:26] So, about what's going on.

[18:27] So, she resets the lock for the vault.

[18:30] It has like a 36 number combination.

[18:33] She resets it.

[18:34] But then, uh-oh, the phones get cut at the treasury and their backup generator won't start

[18:38] up.

[18:39] She's got to go out and get the backup generator repairman.

[18:42] And who could that be?

[18:43] But weather scientist Will's brother, Breeze.

[18:46] Oh, boy.

[18:47] It's his older brother, Breeze.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] Took me a minute to go over to IMDB and double check that his name is Breeze.

[18:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:56] Which seems a little on the nose.

[18:57] But it's also like, I wonder if Will was mad that he's the meteorologist and his name's

[19:01] not Breeze.

[19:02] Which is really going to hurt his TV career.

Stuart Wellington

[19:04] They're both named after their character-defining traits.

[19:08] Will has a very powerful Will.

[19:10] And Breeze, uh, can fly with wind.

[19:14] Yeah.

[19:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:17] He's, but he's a real, he's a bad boy.

[19:19] He's a slob.

[19:20] And Will cannot get him to evacuate because he's too busy drinking his breakfast.

Stuart Wellington

[19:24] Whiskey for breakfast.

[19:25] Yeah.

[19:26] I, it took me a little while to remember where I saw this actor in.

[19:29] Um, and it's because, uh, he didn't take his shirt off because this is the guy who was,

[19:34] he was the brother on, uh, he was the brother on True Blood.

[19:38] It was just so shredded.

[19:40] Like that guy.

[19:41] Oh man.

[19:42] It was crazy.

Dan McCoy

[19:42] I was going to say this guy, it seems like an, like an off brand Southern low rent Hemsworth.

Stuart Wellington

[19:47] I mean, he's Australian.

[19:48] So that's probably why.

[19:50] Oh, okay.

[19:51] He's got that magical Australian torso.

Dan McCoy

[19:54] They all look like that.

Stuart Wellington

[19:55] What are they feeding him down there?

[19:57] Kangaroo blood?

Elliott Kalan

[19:59] Um, every, every Australian man who wants to become an actor, he has to spend his time

[20:03] in the bush with the kangaroo and all that hopping really works on your core and on your

[20:09] abs and you just get shredded.

Stuart Wellington

[20:11] Yeah.

[20:11] I mean, it's just like how Paul Hogan was just so perfectly defined.

[20:17] Like every.

[20:19] Oh yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:19] Chiseled.

Elliott Kalan

[20:20] And Yahoo Sirius mentioned earlier.

[20:22] Yeah.

[20:23] I mean, every time that young Einstein took his shirt off, it was like, whoa, equals MC abs.

[20:29] Yeah.

[20:34] What if, what if Albert Einstein had been really built?

[20:37] Like he was a, he was a famous scientist and he was like a world-class bodybuilder.

[20:41] Do you think that would have made the Nazis think twice?

Stuart Wellington

[20:44] I feel like that's going to be the next time somebody makes a, an Albert Einstein movie is

[20:49] he'll like be getting in bare knuckle fist fights like the Robert Downey Jr.

[20:52] Sherlock Holmes movie.

[20:53] Yeah.

[20:54] He's using physics.

[20:55] Calculating trajectory of punches.

Elliott Kalan

[20:59] He's like, but his, his calculations are so complicated.

[21:02] He's like, okay.

[21:03] So if I bring in the speed of light, pow, he gets punched in the face.

[21:06] Okay.

[21:06] Shake it off Einstein.

[21:07] All right.

[21:08] Okay.

[21:08] So let's, so if I was riding a beam of light, bam.

[21:11] Oh, okay.

[21:12] Wow.

[21:13] Okay.

[21:13] I'm seeing stars now.

[21:14] Anyway.

[21:14] So like he's just too, he gets too into the, okay.

[21:18] Okay.

[21:18] I get it.

[21:19] Guys, we're just about to get to the crux of the movie, the titular heist because crooks

[21:23] shoot their way into the facility.

[21:25] Ah, and it turns out Connor Corbin's co-driver was actually the leader of the crooks.

[21:30] He was their inside man.

[21:32] Now the crooks only shoot tranquilizer darts because they want to rob this with zero casualties,

[21:36] but they start killing people pretty quickly when things start going south.

Dan McCoy

[21:40] Yeah, but I mean, it is like enough to be like, you kind of are on the crook side a little

[21:46] bit at this point.

[21:47] You're just like, you know, they're not killing anybody and that money's going to get shredded

[21:50] anyway.

[21:50] So what's the harm?

Elliott Kalan

[21:52] That's true.

[21:52] Their big plan is they're going to, they're going to steal $600 million of money that's

[21:56] being taken out of circulation.

[21:58] And so it's good.

[21:59] Hey, that money's just going to be destroyed anyway.

[22:01] Right.

[22:01] So that's not going to hurt anybody.

[22:03] Wrong, Dan.

[22:04] 600 million extra dollars in the economy.

[22:06] That's going to lead to a certain amount of inflation.

[22:08] What does inflation lead to?

[22:10] Unemployment.

[22:10] What does unemployment lead to?

[22:12] Trump being elected president.

[22:13] So you see, Dan, how maybe these heisters aren't so good after all.

Dan McCoy

[22:17] Okay.

[22:17] I didn't know that that was the problem with not Wisconsin.

Elliott Kalan

[22:20] I mean, it's a pretty straight line, Dan.

[22:22] You just got to follow the clues.

[22:23] And you know what?

[22:24] The thing is, you know what caused that hurricane?

[22:27] A butterfly flapped its wings in Asia.

[22:29] So it's like, thanks a lot, butterfly.

[22:30] Now Trump's president because of your stupid fucking wings.

Stuart Wellington

[22:33] Yeah, it was like, Ashton Kutcher, go back in time and fix that butterfly you fucked up.

[22:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:39] Somebody step on that butterfly so that dinosaur is evolving to super people or something.

[22:44] I don't remember the story too well.

[22:47] I was referring to a sound of thunder.

[22:49] A sound of thunder.

[22:50] Yeah, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[22:51] I know.

[22:51] We watched that movie for the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[22:53] I wasn't there for that episode though.

Dan McCoy

[22:56] Okay, guys.

[22:57] We should go back in time and fix that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] Yeah, we should.

[23:01] Somebody get a butterfly in here.

[23:03] Does that mean I'd have to watch it again?

[23:07] So Agent Corbin, who I'm just going to say, is it weird that an alcohol, tobacco, and firearms agent was escorting money?

[23:15] Shouldn't that be a Secret Service agent job?

[23:17] Because the Secret Service is part of the Treasury Department.

[23:19] Dan?

[23:19] Yeah, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] So the Secret Service are busy in getting prostitutes in South America right now.

[23:28] Okay.

[23:28] Topical.

[23:29] So.

Elliott Kalan

[23:32] Dan, with all the hits of 2010.

Dan McCoy

[23:35] You think they stopped doing that?

[23:36] Come on.

[23:37] Once they got a taste of those South American prostitutes.

[23:40] Oh, gross.

Stuart Wellington

[23:42] So.

[23:43] Yeah, where are we at?

[23:44] So they.

[23:45] So Corbin.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] So Agent Corbin meets Will and Breeze.

[23:48] He takes Breeze back to the Treasury facility.

[23:50] And we learn on the drive over that Breeze is a former high school football star and in Iraq war veteran.

[23:55] Of course he is.

[23:56] He's going to need that later when he's part of the team that takes on these heisters.

[24:01] And the hackers find out that the vault code's been changed.

[24:04] This is going to add some time to their heist.

[24:05] They weren't planning for that.

[24:06] Uh-oh.

[24:09] The crooks capture Breeze and Will helps Corbin escape a shootout in his weather tank in the town plaza.

[24:16] This is one of several shootouts where the bad guys, despite there being more of them and them having bigger guns, seemingly they're so outclassed they always seem to fail and lose one or two of their guys during these fights.

Stuart Wellington

[24:26] So in this initial shootout when Maggie Grace is running from Agent Corbin is running from the villains, the villains need to capture her, right?

[24:36] Do they know they need to capture her at this point because she's the one who has the code?

Elliott Kalan

[24:40] I think so.

[24:41] They know – actually, I don't know if they know yet that she's the one with the code.

Stuart Wellington

[24:43] Because they're firing live ammunition, and that seems insane.

[24:47] But there's – this is the moment when you know it's going to be kind of a bad action movie because she jumps over, like, the lip of a – like, I don't know, like, some kind of a fence.

[24:57] And you see the bullets erupt against the wall, like, the squibs that were buried in the wall explode.

[25:04] And it's basically where she was at.

[25:06] Like, there is no way those bullets would not have shot her.

[25:10] They just – it was just a very lazy – like, a lazy stunt.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] Yeah.

[25:15] I think it's – there's a lot of what I would call, like, direct-to-DVD-level gunfighting, except that direct-to-DVD action movies have been in a renaissance lately.

[25:25] So maybe that's not fair to them.

Stuart Wellington

[25:26] Yeah, if Scott Adkins showed up and just started, like, kicking everybody, that would have been amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[25:31] Yeah, that would have been.

[25:32] We could have called this hurricane kick.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] Yeah, I mean, that's a thing, right?

[25:35] Isn't that what Ken does in the Street Fighter series, Dan?

[25:39] That sounds familiar to me.

Elliott Kalan

[25:41] No, no, that's what Ken from the Barbie doll series does.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:45] Yeah, the hurricane kick.

Stuart Wellington

[25:47] Yeah, that's where he kicks a glass featuring the alcoholic hurricane beverage into somebody's hand, and then they drink it.

Dan McCoy

[25:53] The thing is, when you don't have any genitals, like, there's, like, the range of motion for your kicking is vastly improved.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] Dan knows this from experience.

[26:03] Oh, yeah.

[26:03] I can't believe I went there.

[26:09] You can share a gunshot from me.

[26:11] The Stuart lies dead.

Elliott Kalan

[26:15] Dan says, I told you not to tell anyone about my genitalist genitals.

[26:19] Who done it?

Stuart Wellington

[26:22] Hollywood game night, right?

Dan McCoy

[26:25] Elliot, we don't have the video chat on, so there's no witnesses.

Elliott Kalan

[26:30] Yeah.

[26:30] No, that's not really how witnesses work.

Stuart Wellington

[26:32] Archie looks over and starts trying to make himself look small.

Elliott Kalan

[26:38] So we solved that mystery, the mystery of the missing Stuart.

[26:42] He was killed by Dan.

[26:43] Okay, guys.

[26:45] It looks like, so Breeze gets captured.

[26:48] They're going to ask him to fix the generator.

[26:50] He's the only one who can do it.

[26:51] And Corbin and Will are together now.

Stuart Wellington

[26:52] What?

[26:53] This is another, like, there's multiple characters who are the only person who can complete a job.

[27:00] Like, I feel like this is why you diversify your training to kind of spread out your skill set amongst multiple people.

[27:06] But that's just me, you know.

[27:07] That's just me thinking like a boss.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] That's just a management technique from Stuart.

[27:11] Hurricane Heist, maybe you should take Stuart's management training seminar.

[27:15] Diversify and diversity.

[27:17] How different types of people who can do different types of things can make your business do one thing great.

[27:22] And that is make money.

[27:24] Hi, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[27:25] This is my seminar.

[27:26] That's the full title.

[27:28] Okay.

[27:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:30] Can we, you know, do it as like an acronym or something?

Elliott Kalan

[27:34] Yeah, it would be, I don't remember what the words were.

[27:38] So I guess Flophouse listeners write into Stuart's business seminar acronym, care of Dan McCoy, Brooklyn, New York, USA, Earth, Milky Way, Galaxy, Earth 616.

[27:49] And tell us what that acronym would be, you know?

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:53] And what do the winners of that contest get, Dan?

[27:55] Yeah, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[27:56] It's been a while since we've done a contest.

[27:58] I'll send them a nice personalized postcard.

Stuart Wellington

[28:03] That seems like actually more work than you usually put into things like this.

Dan McCoy

[28:08] This is good for one listener only.

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] Guys, well, that's usually how contests work.

[28:15] Usually there's one winner for a contest.

[28:18] I mean, the lottery will have multiple winners if they pick the same numbers.

[28:21] But usually in a contest there's something called a grand prize that a winner gets.

Dan McCoy

[28:25] I'm trying to cut down to the number of people who actually were going to try and demand this bullshit that Stuart pulled out of me.

[28:32] So.

Stuart Wellington

[28:32] Yeah.

[28:33] I mean, you could have just said no.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:38] And Dan, I'm going to deliberately avoid making a joke on the phrasing of Stuart pulling bullshit out of you.

[28:43] Yeah.

[28:44] Because who knows what scenario that would lead us to.

[28:46] And we don't need that right now.

[28:48] We've got a hurricane to heist.

[28:49] Okay.

[28:49] So Corbin and Will, they go to the sheriff to get him to help them.

[28:53] But uh-oh.

[28:54] He's in on the heist too.

[28:55] And he's firing a shotgun at them.

[28:58] They escape.

[28:58] There's a car chase in a rainstorm.

[29:00] And I'll just say this.

[29:01] When Will's driving that weather tank, his fake driving is super fake.

[29:05] I wish there was a little bit of video chat, but it's the thing people do where they're constantly moving the wheel even when the car is driving straight.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] My favorite one is when people are just very obviously never paying attention to the road.

[29:19] It just stresses me out so much.

[29:22] At that point, I'm always like, wait a minute.

[29:25] Did I accidentally put Final Destination into the DVD player?

[29:29] Am I going to get a Final Destination scenario?

Elliott Kalan

[29:32] You're like, no.

[29:32] Okay.

[29:33] It's still Modern Family.

[29:34] That's what I thought.

[29:34] All right.

[29:35] So there's a car chasing a rainstorm.

[29:38] And Corbin runs out of bullets.

[29:40] So there's only one thing they can do.

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] She runs out of bullets because she is like, they're driving around in a rainstorm.

[29:45] And she's just hanging out the window firing indiscriminately.

[29:50] She's like, I only had six bullets and I fired them all real quick.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] I wanted to throw them away.

[29:55] So he stops the tank that he's in.

[29:57] And he has these spikes that go down to the ground to protect it from hurricane winds.

[30:02] And he just lets the bad guy's car slam into them.

[30:05] The bad guys and the tank takes a little bit of damage.

[30:09] But the bad guys take even more.

[30:11] And Corbin runs over to the bad guy's car and goes, hey, what's up with you guys?

[30:14] And then steals their guns and runs away.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] I like the way you make it sound like she's skirting like a mouse.

[30:23] I really like the vision of her.

Elliott Kalan

[30:24] I mean, she kind of is.

[30:27] Now what happens, Elliot?

[30:29] There's a bunch of tech talk.

[30:31] And they realize, hey, the hackers need some kind of communication dish to get the new code so they can hack the vault.

[30:38] So if they can use the weather truck's winch to pull down the antenna that the communication device is on, then they can stop the bad guys from getting the new code.

[30:47] So they go off and do that.

[30:49] This involves Will having to get out and climb a ladder in a storm as debris is flying all around him.

Dan McCoy

[30:54] He's got like this big chain going from like a big metal cord going from a.

[31:02] From the Dominator.

[31:04] From well, from a vehicle to like a high building during a storm.

[31:08] And for all the world, it just looks like the end of like Back to the Future.

Elliott Kalan

[31:12] OK.

[31:12] Yeah.

[31:14] Yeah.

[31:14] Except without the fun.

[31:15] Yeah.

[31:15] Without the fun.

Dan McCoy

[31:16] They did.

[31:16] Yeah.

[31:17] They did one of those fun funectomies on it.

Elliott Kalan

[31:20] If you wanted to watch Back to the Future and you don't like fun or incest, then Hurricane Heist is a little bit of what you're looking for.

Stuart Wellington

[31:27] I'm glad you made those two discreet elements.

Dan McCoy

[31:31] But, you know, if you still do like if you like incest, you can always write fanfic about the brothers like that.

[31:36] You got that option open to you.

Elliott Kalan

[31:38] But very fair.

[31:39] Yeah.

[31:39] You can ship those two brothers.

[31:41] Yeah.

[31:41] I mean, they they'll that's some.

[31:43] I'm sure there's tons of Hurricane Heist fanfic out there with just every permutation of characters in a relationship.

[31:49] OK, so they're going to.

[31:51] But then the bad guys see them and they come by.

[31:53] And there's like shooting and crashing and exploding.

[31:56] To be honest, I totally could not fully keep track of what the general specifics were of what's going on in this fight.

[32:02] Yeah.

[32:03] But the hackers start receiving the code and the good guys pull down the tower just as the bad guys are about to get the last number of the code.

[32:11] Ah, so close.

[32:13] Now, this is the fight.

[32:14] This is the fight with the aforementioned razor sharp hubcap frisbees.

[32:17] Dan, would you like to describe them?

Dan McCoy

[32:19] No, I just think he like knocks.

[32:21] Are they from his car?

[32:23] Did he just knock them over?

[32:24] I have no idea.

Stuart Wellington

[32:25] They're at like a.

[32:26] They're at like a tow yard.

[32:27] I think they might even be at a.

[32:28] Is that what it was?

[32:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:29] He like knocks over.

[32:30] He's like the woman.

[32:32] Maggie Grace is like, you don't have any bullets.

[32:34] You don't have a gun.

[32:34] What are you going to do?

[32:35] And he's like, leave it to me.

[32:36] And he like runs over.

Elliott Kalan

[32:38] I'm a meteorologist.

[32:39] I can.

[32:39] Anything's a weapon in my hands.

Dan McCoy

[32:41] Yeah.

[32:42] He's a PhD, dude.

[32:44] He just starts whipping like hubcap after hubcap at these guys.

[32:48] One of them embeds himself in this guy.

[32:51] And this is the first time in the movie where I laughed so hard that I almost passed out.

Stuart Wellington

[32:57] He's not even he's not even throwing them at them.

[33:00] He's just tossing them into the wind.

[33:02] And he's like, breeze.

[33:05] Do your thing.

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] Aeolus, I pray to you.

[33:09] Carry this hubcap to my target.

[33:12] It's a little bit like when you blow like a dandelion puffball.

[33:16] And it's just that wind is just going to take those seeds where it may so that they land.

[33:20] But this time it's hubcaps into a man's chest.

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:22] And it's just like, wait, hold on a second.

[33:25] What are we what are we doing in this movie?

[33:27] Uh, but that's that is the best moment in the movie.

[33:31] It's I wish I wish the movie had followed that lead a little bit more and just gotten super crazy.

[33:36] Because every time it's about to get super crazy, it like goes it like pulls itself back a little bit.

[33:41] It's a brakes.

[33:42] It's like, oh, wait a minute.

[33:43] People might not take this heist during a hurricane seriously enough if we keep doing these things.

Stuart Wellington

[33:48] Don't they?

[33:49] Does this this leads to the bad guys getting mad that the good guys get away?

[33:54] And then they they orchestrate an extra an exchange between breeze and core agent Corbin.

[34:02] Maybe is that what?

Elliott Kalan

[34:02] Oh, well, before we before that happens, let me just tell two things.

[34:06] One is that agent Corbin will they've been bonding every now and then they banter while both urinating in in behind different pillars of a I don't visit a bridge or a parking garage.

[34:16] It's just very funny.

[34:18] This moment where they're just like the two heroes are just peeing.

[34:22] They're just talking to each other while peeing.

Dan McCoy

[34:24] I mean, I appreciate that they acknowledge the fact like, you know, what in the middle of all this?

[34:29] We got to take a whiz.

Elliott Kalan

[34:30] Yeah.

[34:30] And I mean, that was another like, again, if they went with that kind of moment more, it's it's a little bit like I remember someone saying about the show 24 that they wanted there to be an episode where he just runs into a bathroom and for a full minute he's just peeing and then he runs out again.

[34:43] Because if that's 24 hours, he's going to have to use the bathroom at some point.

[34:46] Yeah, he's going to have to eat regularly because he's doing all that action.

[34:49] He's burning cows.

[34:51] Oh, yeah.

[34:51] He's like the Flash.

[34:52] He has to eat pizza after pizza to keep his calories up so he can keep running.

[34:57] Then there's a moment where the sheriff and his deputies, they they briefly get into an argument with Connor and Connor kills the sheriff and the deputies join him.

[35:05] This is one of those moments where like I think they're basically one, just getting rid of an extraneous character, the sheriff.

[35:11] And two, the actor playing the sheriff gets to monologue a little bit about like, you think this is, you know, we see people getting rich everywhere.

[35:20] Now it's our turn for a piece of the pie.

[35:22] That kind of stuff.

[35:23] Yeah.

[35:23] And I feel like that's the moment where the actor was like, all right, I'll do this job.

[35:27] Like, write me a speech.

[35:28] But OK, so they announced they're going to exchange prisoners.

[35:32] Yeah.

[35:32] Corbin says she'll trade herself for Breeze and this other hostage, Moreno, who runs the facility.

[35:38] And I've been ignoring him up till now because he doesn't really do anything through most of the movie.

[35:42] He looks just like a body.

Stuart Wellington

[35:43] He looks like sad or kind of disappointed in himself most of the time.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] Because he thinks he should be the hero of the movie.

[35:50] Yeah.

[35:50] Sure.

[35:52] He's like, oh, I'm kind of in charge of this.

[35:54] I should be the one who's like Air Force One-ing these guys.

[35:56] Yeah.

[35:57] And like, get out of my office.

[35:58] But instead, he's just a hostage.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] Yeah.

[36:00] He keeps like waiting for his moment.

[36:02] And it's just not happening.

[36:03] It's like when you're at a party and you're like, I want to make my move on that cute Dan McCoy.

[36:08] Mm-hmm.

[36:09] Yeah.

[36:10] Exactly.

[36:10] He seems so aloof in the corner over there.

[36:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:14] Petting the cat.

[36:14] Then it's just, you miss your chance and he walks out by himself sighing.

[36:17] Uh-huh.

[36:19] Or like, it's that the, you know, we're all the hero of our own life story.

[36:24] But except for Moreno, who is not.

[36:28] Corbin is the hero of his life story.

[36:29] Yeah, he's just happy to be invited.

[36:31] And before, while they're planning the prisoner exchange over Walkie's Talkie, Will manages to tell Breeze that he loves him.

[36:38] And that's the first.

[36:39] It looks like the ice between these two brothers, as Christopher Walken said in The Dead Zone, is going to melt.

[36:45] The deputies, they have their hand off.

[36:47] They do it at like an abandoned mall.

Stuart Wellington

[36:48] I'm going to have to double check that that actually happened.

[36:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:53] The deputies, they come to hand over Breeze, but not Moreno.

[36:57] And this is when Casey and Will.

Stuart Wellington

[36:59] And by handing over Breeze, you're talking about the character, not the wind.

Elliott Kalan

[37:04] No, not the wind.

[37:05] They have a bed.

[37:06] They did it in a bag.

[37:08] No, they don't have the cask of winters or anything like that.

[37:11] They managed like a Greek god to capture the wind in a sack.

[37:16] Mm-hmm.

[37:17] But so they're going to hand over Breeze, the brother, in exchange for Corbin.

[37:22] But Corbin and Will have a little plan up their sleeve.

[37:24] And by little plan, I mean the craziest plan ever.

[37:27] Because Corbin shoots out the glass roof of the mall.

[37:30] The wind sucks the deputies out like a vacuum.

[37:34] Luckily, Will and Corbin are already wearing some kind of like water skiing harness.

Stuart Wellington

[37:38] Yeah, they went to Dick's Sporting Goods and they got like a base jumping harness.

Dan McCoy

[37:43] Yeah.

[37:43] So they're whipping around in the storm like a pair of kites.

[37:47] They look like CGI balloons and it is hilarious.

[37:49] It was the second time that I laughed so hard I was passed out.

Elliott Kalan

[37:53] And meanwhile, Breeze saves himself by, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[37:58] I think he just holds on really tight.

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] He just holds on because he's got what, spider powers?

[38:03] Yeah.

[38:03] He can just stick to any surface?

[38:05] I mean he like, didn't he like, didn't the meteorologist?

Dan McCoy

[38:09] He was the captain of the football team, dude.

[38:11] Yeah, didn't the meteorologist signal him by like –

[38:14] He goes like, blue, 42, 22.

[38:16] Yeah.

[38:17] So what football play is that that we're going to blow out the ceiling and the wind is going to –

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] So hold on tight to a pillar as the wind.

[38:24] And later they use this – I think the same football play later means use our trucks to crash into another truck.

Stuart Wellington

[38:31] Yeah, I remember both those plays from Tecmo Bowl where you had to pick one of four different plays.

Elliott Kalan

[38:38] I got to say, if one of the football plays was shoot out the roof and wind blows the players away, I'd watch football.

Stuart Wellington

[38:44] I mean it's very similar to my usual strategy in Tecmo Bowl, which is take a shotgun hike, just run back as far as possible and long bomb it and hope that Jerry Rice catches it in the end zone.

Elliott Kalan

[38:58] What if you're not playing a team that Jerry Rice is on?

Stuart Wellington

[39:00] That's insane.

[39:02] The fucking 49ers were by far the best team in that game.

[39:05] And for some reason, Bo Jackson was the best running back in the universe.

[39:10] Well, because he could also use his baseball skills.

Dan McCoy

[39:11] That's true.

[39:12] Those are your Tecmo Bowl tips from Old Stu.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] Yeah, Tecmo Bowl tips.

[39:17] Play the 49ers or maybe the Raiders.

Elliott Kalan

[39:22] So Breeze saves himself and then Corbin and then – but he just kind of disappears for a while, right?

[39:29] Yeah, he just disappears.

[39:31] So for all Corbin and Will know, Breeze is dead.

[39:34] They're like, well, that worked out okay.

[39:37] But they managed to take a moment to bond over some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

[39:42] It's a little character moment.

[39:44] And Corbin says, okay, here's what we need to do.

[39:46] Set off a car bomb when they're trying to escape with the money.

[39:50] And Will is like, okay, yeah, let's do that.

[39:52] So they go – this is a plan that –

Dan McCoy

[39:54] Although he objects when he learns that they're going to use his car.

Stuart Wellington

[39:58] Well, there's a lot of complications here because she based her entire argument that they should do it on the fact that Timothy McVeigh did it.

[40:07] Yes.

[40:08] So that's weird.

Elliott Kalan

[40:09] She's like, it worked once.

[40:12] She's like, hey, look, are we better – are we above doing what Timothy McVeigh did?

[40:16] Who are we to say we're better than Timothy McVeigh?

[40:19] But it's also – there's a certain thing that happens in old science fiction where someone will suggest – it'll very – as if it's very logical, they'll suggest something crazy.

[40:30] They're like, hmm, the aliens all sounded like they were talking backwards.

[40:33] Well, the only explanation is that we're in some sort of reverse time warp.

[40:37] It's never existed before.

[40:39] Yeah, you're right.

[40:40] And the audience is just supposed to go with it.

[40:42] And her idea that – she's like, okay, they're going to drive out of here using the eye of the storm, the calm of it, to shield their trucks from the hurricane.

[40:50] I guess the only way to stop them – and of course we have to stop them even no matter how many lives it takes because we can't let that old money get out.

[40:59] Well, I mean her argument –

[41:00] And the only way to do it is to explode a car bomb right next to –

Stuart Wellington

[41:03] Well, that's the other thing.

[41:04] Like her argument keeps being we need to stop them because once they have the money, they'll just kill the hostages.

[41:12] So like if they're going to use a car bomb – first off, she doesn't say that she's like a demolitions expert or anything.

[41:20] She just cites a famous case of demolition.

[41:23] But then she –

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] She's like, we got to build a nuclear – we got to build an atomic bomb.

[41:29] It worked on Japan, didn't it?

[41:30] And you're like, yeah, right.

Stuart Wellington

[41:31] Good point.

[41:32] So is she just saying like, well, they're going to get the money anyway and kill all those people so we can just use a bomb.

[41:37] Who gives a shit?

[41:38] Or if they were to get the money and then drive out with the hostages, she'd just be blowing up the hostages.

[41:43] It doesn't make any sense.

Elliott Kalan

[41:45] Yeah, that's true.

[41:46] Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Dan McCoy

[41:48] Luckily, this is a narrative cold say.

Elliott Kalan

[41:51] Yes, because they go to a greenhouse.

Stuart Wellington

[41:52] But the plan was also to use the Dominator.

[41:54] Yeah.

[41:54] Who is the hero of the movie up to this point?

[41:56] Yeah.

[41:56] Why would you blow that up?

Elliott Kalan

[41:59] Yeah.

[41:59] Well, I mean even Mad Max blew up the last of the Interceptors.

[42:02] You know, when he had to.

[42:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:06] It just doesn't make sense.

[42:08] I just love that Dominator.

Elliott Kalan

[42:10] I will say the Interceptor did come back in the third movie after he blew it up, right?

[42:14] Yeah.

[42:15] No, anyway?

Stuart Wellington

[42:15] Maybe it was the second to last of the Interceptors.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] Maybe.

[42:20] So they go to a greenhouse to pick up some fertilizer to make their Timothy McVeigh-inspired car bomb.

[42:25] But then a wave surge smashes through the greenhouse.

[42:28] Oh, no.

[42:28] And the bad guys are there, too.

[42:30] They confront them.

[42:31] And waves smash through.

[42:32] And Breeze saves Will in a motorboat.

[42:34] Like he's Sean Penn in New Orleans or something.

Stuart Wellington

[42:37] Well, that's after Will washes up on something.

[42:40] And he is saved from drowning.

[42:42] And when he climbs atop the Rocky Atoll, he believes has saved his life.

[42:46] It is, in fact, the wreck of his Dominator.

[42:49] In one last guess.

[42:50] Oh, I totally missed that.

[42:51] Has saved his life.

Elliott Kalan

[42:53] The Dominator says, remember me.

[42:56] The Dominator goes, earn this.

[42:58] And then breathes its last.

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] I'm cold, Will.

[43:03] Did I get to be a hero this time?

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] You dominated everything, Dominator.

[43:07] You've got to dominate this time.

[43:09] No.

Stuart Wellington

[43:09] My dominating days are over.

Elliott Kalan

[43:12] What's that?

[43:13] Grandma Dominator?

[43:14] Is that you?

[43:15] Coming to the light?

Dan McCoy

[43:19] Yeah.

[43:19] You got any Dominator jokes, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[43:22] No.

[43:22] Dan, any dead Dominator jokes?

Dan McCoy

[43:23] No, I don't.

[43:24] Dead Dominator jokes.

[43:27] How many dead Dominators does it take?

Stuart Wellington

[43:30] I'm thirsty.

[43:32] I'm so cold and thirsty.

[43:34] But you're surrounded by water, Dominator.

[43:36] Is this some kind of weird Sisyphus thing?

[43:39] Or, wait, no, Tantalus.

[43:40] Damn it.

[43:41] Oh.

[43:41] Oh, I'm so close.

Elliott Kalan

[43:42] And you know what?

[43:43] Stuart, I give you credit because you corrected yourself on that.

[43:46] That's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] Okay, cool.

[43:47] So it still counts.

[43:48] Of all the.

[43:48] I get partial credit on the joke.

Elliott Kalan

[43:51] How long?

[43:52] Yeah, exactly.

[43:52] You get a B plus on that.

[43:53] How long is it before we see a like Ocean's Eleven type thing where it's all the heroes who

[43:59] are stuck in Hades with ironic punishments are going to break out of Hades?

[44:03] So it's like Tantalus, Sisyphus, Prometheus.

[44:06] They've all got to like band together to break out.

Stuart Wellington

[44:08] Prometheus was stuck in Hades for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[44:10] I mean, they all were eventually like, you know, Odysseus just came down to visit for a little

[44:16] bit.

Stuart Wellington

[44:16] Uh-huh.

[44:17] Yep.

[44:17] Orpheus's wife.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] And yeah, yeah.

[44:21] Oh, yeah.

[44:21] Eurydice.

[44:21] She's down there.

[44:22] Oh, yeah.

[44:22] She's the babe.

[44:23] She's the babe of the group.

[44:25] Oh, yeah.

[44:26] So Sisyphus would be what?

[44:28] The strong man.

[44:29] He's your muscle.

[44:30] Yeah, of course.

[44:32] Tantalus, Prometheus is like the tech guy because he has fire.

Stuart Wellington

[44:36] Theseus is your fuck-up hero who was a hero once, but he's like, you know, he's weak-willed.

[44:44] He's a wreck of himself and he's got to find his inner hero again.

[44:47] Yeah, after, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:50] And Tantalus is like, what, like the goofy nerd that can never get what he wants?

[44:55] Uh-huh.

[44:55] You know, he's always like, ooh, so close.

[44:58] That's his catchphrase.

[45:01] I think that should definitely be Tantalus' catchphrase is so close.

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] Well, that'll be on the poster.

[45:07] When they do his character poster, that's what it's going to say.

Elliott Kalan

[45:10] And Sisyphus' catchphrase in this poster is, again?

Stuart Wellington

[45:15] Oh, man.

[45:15] I like this dark universe we're building.

[45:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:20] And it's called like Hades 8 or something like that?

[45:23] Yep.

[45:23] Yeah.

[45:25] Hades brought together all the worst of the worst of Greek mythology.

Stuart Wellington

[45:28] Yeah, and it's like either Charon is the guy who brings them together, he's their fixer,

[45:32] or he's the guy they have to pull a fast one on.

Elliott Kalan

[45:36] Yeah, yeah.

[45:36] They've got to get past.

[45:37] Or, and Medea is there somewhere, but it's the Medea from the Tyler Perry movies.

Stuart Wellington

[45:42] Sure.

[45:43] Cradling dead children in her arms.

Elliott Kalan

[45:45] Yep.

[45:46] Yep.

[45:48] And you're like, oh, no wonder you killed your children, Medea.

[45:50] You're a mad black woman.

[45:51] Let me read your diary.

[45:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:54] Anyway.

[45:54] If the listeners are wondering why I'm not saying anything, it's because I have very little

[45:58] knowledge of Greek mythology.

Stuart Wellington

[46:00] Oh, really?

[46:01] You are missing out.

[46:02] That was like comic books for me before I was reading comic books.

[46:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:05] Oh, yeah.

[46:06] I mean, the great thing about Greek and Roman mythology is that you can decode just about

[46:10] any old painting if you know it.

[46:12] Yeah, yeah.

[46:13] I love to take Sammy to art museums and I point out like, okay, this is this character that

[46:18] represents that.

[46:19] This is this, like there's Artemis that represents this thing.

[46:21] Like it's, it's really cool.

[46:24] Those paintings, Sam, that you think are just boring and bogus.

[46:26] Yeah.

[46:27] There's a lot of interesting ideas.

Stuart Wellington

Dan McCoy

[46:29] When I see them, I go, bogus.

Stuart Wellington

[46:32] Those paintings you look at just because of all the thick folks on them, the Peter Paul

[46:36] Rubin stuff.

[46:37] Yeah, that's right.

[46:38] They're actually about Greek mythology.

[46:40] Okay.

[46:40] Yeah.

[46:42] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[46:44] So anyway, so Greek mythology, the original superheroes.

[46:48] Try them, won't you kids?

[46:49] Anyway, so the bad guys take in Corbin and they're like, give us the code to the vault

[46:55] or we're going to throw Moreno through the shredder.

[46:57] And she says, okay, okay.

[46:58] And she finds the iPad she hid that has the code to the vault on it.

[47:01] So they just shoot Moreno anyway.

[47:03] But it's one of those things where Connor is like, I'm not done with you get Corbin.

[47:06] So they don't kill her even though they probably should right there.

[47:09] The crooks plan, they're going to use the eye of the storm to escape the money.

[47:12] Breeze and Will decide to take a shortcut to catch up with them and head them off at

[47:16] the pass.

[47:17] And while they're driving, Will apologizes to Breeze and Breeze apologizes to Will.

[47:21] And then Breeze is like, hey, now that we've done that, can you make me a promise?

[47:25] Let's never share our feelings again.

[47:26] And Will's like, all right, good buddy.

[47:29] And everything's good with them.

Stuart Wellington

[47:30] So are we going to assume they had no conversations or contact between the opening of the movie

[47:37] and when they are reunited later in the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] I mean, very little.

[47:42] They've been busy in gunfights.

[47:44] And Breeze has spent most of the money trying to fix that backup generator.

Stuart Wellington

[47:47] So, I mean, I'm just trying to say the where in the beginning of the movie where Will kept

[47:52] saying that the reason they were stuck in the hurricane is because Breeze needed a kite,

[47:57] once again, playing on that name, and that it's his fault that their dad got rolled over by a giant,

[48:04] what was that, a water tower?

Elliott Kalan

[48:07] It was either a water tower or a silo of some kind.

[48:09] I think it was a water tower.

Stuart Wellington

[48:09] Or some kind of dad crushing device.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] Why did the farm have one of those?

[48:15] There's only one use for them.

Stuart Wellington

[48:18] But are we to assume that was like the only time they've talked?

[48:23] Like that they hadn't talked at all between 1992 and present day?

Elliott Kalan

[48:28] I mean, I think it's okay to assume that they've had minimal contact and that contact has been strained.

[48:36] They've never really opened up to each other about it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:38] And I mean, he also, his consciousness may have been ruptured by seeing a human skull in the storm class.

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] Oh, yeah. Well, you've got to believe also that Will is probably a schizophrenic of some kind.

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:50] Like, he believes the storm, like, he believes he has a mystical connection to the storm in a way.

Stuart Wellington

[48:55] Yeah, he's worried that, like, Imhotep has risen from his tomb and taken from the storm.

Elliott Kalan

[49:01] He saw it in a movie. It has to be real.

[49:03] It has to be real.

[49:04] But I can understand them not speaking.

[49:06] I mean, like, you're talking to somebody who, one of my great-grandmothers stopped talking to my other great-grandmother because one of them, I forget who was who, but one of them walked into the bedroom of their apartment at the other's apartment and saw a comforter on the bed and said it was an ugly comforter.

[49:20] And they never talked to each other again.

[49:22] So I totally believe that they haven't talked about the death of their father for many years.

Stuart Wellington

[49:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the funeral, they just, the surviving one just spat on the grave.

[49:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:35] There's an ugly comforter.

Dan McCoy

[49:36] I thought he was going to say, gently lay the ugly comforter over.

Elliott Kalan

[49:42] Said, I've learned my lesson. Why didn't I? You know what? The comforter is not so bad. Oh, why didn't I say it earlier? Why didn't I wait till now?

[49:49] What they happened was there was a comforter on the casket, and then when it was all done and they played taps, they lifted it up and folded it and then gave it to my other great-grandma.

[49:58] For her to keep as a token of her country's love.

[50:01] Anyway, so, they're driving through the eye of the storm, but uh-oh, the deadly storm-eye wall. Eye storm wall? The wind. It's following the bad guys.

[50:10] And Will and Breeze, they start jumping from convoy truck to convoy truck. There's three trucks of money in this bad guy convoy.

[50:17] Will and Breeze are just jumping from truck to truck because they're fucking commandos all of a sudden.

Stuart Wellington

[50:21] Yeah, they're American ninja warriors.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] Yeah. They take over the last truck in which the hackers were canoodling.

[50:27] The guy hacker was driving with the lady hacker wiggling on his lap, not safe, especially in the eye of a hurricane.

[50:33] Yeah, I mean...

Stuart Wellington

[50:33] Even though...

[50:34] Even though...

Stuart Wellington

[50:34] I've seen Charlie Sheen's The Chase with Christy Swanson.

[50:38] Yeah. You know it's possible.

[50:40] I think that's my favorite shoehorned-in lovemaking scene in a movie ever.

Dan McCoy

[50:46] Where they just like, yeah, they make love in the car as they're being chased.

Stuart Wellington

[50:50] Yeah, and like, the sound of the chase like, fades off into the background.

[50:54] And I think like, the sun starts to set.

Elliott Kalan

[51:00] They just lock eyes and it cuts to the two of them like dancing on a desert plain.

[51:05] That's what represents their lovemaking.

[51:08] And they orgasm so hard that atomic bombs go off in the background.

[51:12] And then we zoom out.

[51:13] All that was going on in Christy Swanson's eye.

[51:15] And they're like, oh, they fell back to the chase.

Stuart Wellington

[51:18] Yeah, yeah.

[51:18] And then they take her out of the chair and they put Michael Palin in.

[51:22] Or no, who's the guy?

[51:23] Who's the guy from that?

[51:25] No.

[51:26] Jonathan Price?

[51:27] Yeah, Jonathan Price.

[51:28] Yeah.

[51:29] How could I forget our president?

[51:31] Jonathan Price.

Elliott Kalan

[51:32] No, no, that's Zanzibar.

[51:34] What's the name of that G.I. Joe character?

Stuart Wellington

[51:37] Zoltar?

[51:38] I think it's, yeah, I think it's Zanzibar.

[51:40] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:41] No, it's Zardoz?

Stuart Wellington

[51:44] No, Zardoz is a different thing.

Dan McCoy

[51:46] Zordon?

[51:47] The web of references has gotten too thick.

[51:51] Zelda?

[51:51] Gotten caught up with it.

[51:53] No, Zelda's the boy.

[51:54] I'm a spider caught in my own web right now.

Elliott Kalan

[51:57] The G.I. Joe villain, Emile Zola, who's a master of disguise and also realistic.

[52:02] Novels.

[52:03] Okay, so, what was it?

[52:06] Oh, yeah, so anyway, they're in the eye of the hurricane.

[52:08] As we all know, in the eye of a hurricane, there's quiet for just a moment.

[52:11] A patch of yellow sky.

[52:13] And they're fighting the bandits in the trucks.

[52:16] They're making it swerve all over.

[52:17] Will's climbing on top of the truck.

[52:19] Corbin and Will take the second truck.

[52:21] And my notes just here say fighting, swerving, crashing, shooting, et cetera.

[52:25] The eyewall is almost up to them.

[52:26] More shooting and chasing.

[52:28] And Will and Breeze, they've each got a truck in their command now.

[52:31] And Corbin is kind of like fighting with the person in her truck.

Stuart Wellington

[52:33] Oh, yeah.

[52:34] And they hit that bump and the guy flies up into the air.

[52:36] And then she uses the brief respite from this guy wrestling her to grab the gun and shoot him a bunch of times.

[52:42] Yeah, I got to say.

[52:43] And no blood goes anywhere.

Dan McCoy

[52:44] I had been kind of annoyed that the movie posited Maggie Grace as this kind of badass heroine and then had her get captured and needed to be saved by the guys.

[52:56] Although at the end, she kind of didn't need it.

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] I mean, she's genuinely the toughest person in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:03] Before the guys come in.

Elliott Kalan

[53:06] Yeah.

[53:06] But she's already trying to rescue herself.

[53:09] And she is also – I mean, nobody in this movie is too competent.

[53:13] But she is like a little more on the ball than some of the other ones.

[53:16] Yeah.

[53:17] Will and Breeze are each driving a truck.

[53:19] And they use that football play they've been talking about, which is like Blue Red 22 Hike 7 or something like that.

[53:24] Yep.

[53:25] And they box in Connor's truck.

[53:28] Connor is the last bad guy standing.

Stuart Wellington

[53:29] I'm glad that we saw this movie.

[53:31] So now the next time Elliot goes to Buffalo Wild Wings and he sidles up to some table of sports guys, he'll have a way to blend in with the crowd.

Elliott Kalan

[53:40] I'll have one football play to talk about.

[53:43] Yep.

[53:44] I mean, you know my – I don't know if you know my solution to those situations in New York at least is whenever the subject of baseball would come up, they'd go like, who do you follow?

[53:54] And I'd say, oh, I'm a Royals fan.

[53:56] And nobody in New York cares about the Royals.

[53:58] They'd be like, oh, okay.

[53:59] And they'd change the subject to something else.

[54:01] But as long as I had to say, oh, I'm a Royals fan, they'd know, okay, sports.

[54:04] Great.

[54:05] I don't care about those sports.

Stuart Wellington

[54:06] You say you're a Royals fan and then you whip out your phone and start playing an episode of the hit TV show, The Royals.

Elliott Kalan

[54:12] Oh, no.

[54:12] I just play Lord's Royals.

Stuart Wellington

[54:15] And you shove your phone in their face.

[54:17] You go, get it?

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] Get it?

[54:20] I go, shazam this, motherfuckers.

[54:22] Then I walk out.

Stuart Wellington

[54:23] Leaving your phone behind you.

Elliott Kalan

[54:26] Yeah.

[54:26] And they're like, we don't need to use Shazam to identify the song.

[54:29] The name's right on the phone.

[54:31] Free phone, I guess.

[54:32] I lose more phones that way.

[54:36] So Connor's driving his truck.

[54:40] They box him in and then push him back.

[54:42] So he's behind them, which forces him, I guess, to be their sacrifice to the god of the eye of the storm.

[54:48] Yeah.

[54:48] And in its savage hunger, it pulls his truck apart into a million pieces and the money blows everywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[54:53] At this point, they don't need to kill him, right?

Elliott Kalan

[54:56] No, not at all.

[54:59] He doesn't have any hostages anymore.

[55:02] No, he has no hostages.

[55:04] All the other bad guys are incapacitated.

[55:06] I mean, there's a reason that when cops are chasing someone, you have something called a low-speed chase,

[55:11] where they're just trying to get that person to eventually get trapped and stop.

[55:15] They're not trying to kill anybody or hurt anyone along the way.

[55:18] So the fact that they're like, now it's judgment time and they've got to push him into the storm wall is crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[55:24] And during this whole sequence, the guy who plays the bad guy, Ralph Ennison,

[55:29] has so much awesome grunt ADR work that they did.

[55:35] Anytime anything happens, you just hear him going,

[55:37] Ah!

[55:38] Ah!

[55:39] He feels he is so connected to the truck he's driving.

[55:43] He feels every scratch of paint.

Elliott Kalan

[55:46] Oh, it's like venom.

[55:47] They become one now.

[55:49] You know, they're one being.

Stuart Wellington

[55:49] So he's pushed back toward the eye wall.

Elliott Kalan

[55:53] Well, I love the money.

[55:54] The back of the truck is ripped apart and the money blows out.

Stuart Wellington

[55:57] And he's like, ah, come on!

[55:59] My money!

Elliott Kalan

[56:02] And he gets killed.

Stuart Wellington

[56:05] Well, he gets killed when the money that he had spent so much time and effort comes crashing down.

[56:11] Like it flies back out of the storm.

[56:13] Yeah.

[56:14] And lands on the cab of his truck and he explodes.

Elliott Kalan

[56:17] It's like the storm believes in dramatic irony.

[56:20] Yeah.

[56:20] And it's like, you wanted money?

[56:22] Take some.

[56:23] And it slams into it.

Dan McCoy

[56:23] That was the third hilarious thing for me.

[56:25] When the truck just blows up.

[56:27] When the back of it lands on the cab.

Stuart Wellington

[56:31] Yeah.

[56:31] I mean, I guess at that point for him, death was instantaneous.

[56:34] So at least he didn't suffer, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] No.

[56:36] I mean, he suffered seeing all his money go away because he suffered what we all suffer at the end of our lives,

[56:41] which is seeing our grand plans fall apart as we realize how powerless we are in the face of the universe.

[56:46] And also how futile all of our attempts at glory, material wealth, pleasure, all of those things are so fleeting and meaningless.

[56:56] They're less than the lifespan of a midge fly in the grand scheme of the cosmos.

[57:01] And we all kind of realize that at the end of our lives and we all have that moment of soul death.

[57:05] Yeah.

[57:06] It comes before physical death.

Stuart Wellington

[57:07] I think, yeah, at best we can hope for a lone traveler traveling across the desert and happening upon the remains of a statue with just our feet sticking up anymore.

[57:18] That has some bullshit about our name being something cool.

Dan McCoy

[57:21] I space out for a second and suddenly you're talking about all this depressing shit.

[57:25] What's going on?

[57:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:27] Dan, it's called, it's the way of all things.

[57:30] Sick transit, Gloria and all that stuff.

[57:32] Yeah.

[57:32] Ozzy Mandis.

[57:32] You know what?

[57:34] I think just start, just start being depressed.

[57:36] I think you'll like it.

[57:37] Anyway, so the wall.

[57:39] You have to tell me twice.

Stuart Wellington

[57:42] Wow.

[57:43] Dan's on the floor running in circles on his side.

[57:47] But he's also, he's also really sad about it.

Elliott Kalan

[57:50] I'd love to see a short now called The Depressed Stooges and Curly is doing his

[57:55] walking around in circles on the floor, but he's crying the whole time.

Dan McCoy

[57:59] So instead of a woo, it's woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

Elliott Kalan

[58:04] The three sad guys, Moe, Larry, and Dan.

Dan McCoy

[58:09] They just like, they break a dowager's vase and then they're like, we're never going to

[58:14] be able to pay this off.

[58:16] Oh God.

[58:17] Oh God.

[58:18] This is the first, this is going to spiral us into bankruptcy and destitution.

[58:23] Oh God.

[58:24] Oh God.

Elliott Kalan

[58:25] Moe goes to poke one of the other Larry in the eyes and Larry doesn't even shield himself.

[58:30] He's like, I've seen too much.

[58:31] I think this is too much.

[58:36] So the eyewall cloud, it's coming closer and closer and they have to move from one truck

[58:41] to the other because I guess one of them is a little bit slower.

[58:44] I don't remember why.

[58:44] No, there's no reason.

Dan McCoy

[58:46] There's no reason.

[58:46] They both have a truck.

[58:48] But for some reason they're like, all right, one of us has to jump from one truck to the

[58:52] other truck.

Stuart Wellington

[58:52] No, the engine of the one truck like explodes.

[58:55] Oh really?

[58:55] Black smoke pouring out of it.

[58:57] Okay.

[58:58] I didn't remember that part.

Elliott Kalan

[58:59] I like, couldn't, I think I spaced out for a moment.

[59:01] I'm like, why are they switching trucks just to make it easier for them to all get to the

[59:04] same place at the same time?

[59:06] Like, do they have a dinner reservation and they're worried they're not going to get seated

[59:09] if they're not all there at the right then?

Stuart Wellington

[59:10] I think what had happened was when that first truck exploded, you guys both jumped up off

[59:15] your couch and started looking around and saying, did anybody see that?

[59:21] So you missed that.

[59:22] I went, meow?

Elliott Kalan

[59:23] Then you missed that.

[59:24] Now, I pulled a Dan McCoy on this and I watched this movie while on a plane.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] Okay.

[59:30] So you should have.

[59:30] I was on my way.

[59:31] You should have liked it more.

Elliott Kalan

[59:33] Yeah.

[59:34] I was pretty tired.

[59:35] It was a nighttime flight to New Orleans so I could go promote my children's book that

[59:39] comes out in the fall, Horse Meets Dog.

[59:41] That's very appropriate though.

[59:42] I mean.

[59:43] It comes out at the end of October.

[59:45] It's for children everywhere.

[59:46] I think people love it.

[59:47] So I was already tired so it was like I didn't have that lightheadedness that comes with

[59:51] being on a plane where you enjoy movies or what I call Dan syndrome.

[59:55] Uh-huh.

[59:56] But anyway, so they've got to move from one truck to the other and the truck with Breeze

[1:00:01] and the hackers has to move into the truck with Will and Corbin and a dead body.

[1:00:05] And Breeze, of course, he's a hero so he goes first before the woman hacker.

[1:00:11] And then he's going to help her over and she's a little scared and just as she's about to cross

[1:00:15] over, that truck is just blown off into chaos.

[1:00:18] At least they're done together, you know?

[1:00:20] Yeah.

[1:00:20] Now the hackers have been hacked by the ultimate software, Wind.

[1:00:24] Yeah.

[1:00:27] And the good guys outrun the eye of the storm and there's no hurricane anymore.

[1:00:32] And they just kind of like, they start bantering and it's almost like they're just killing time

[1:00:37] until the end credits show up.

[1:00:39] Like the end credits are running a little late and they've been told to stretch.

[1:00:43] So they're like, yeah.

[1:00:45] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:46] So peanut butter and jelly, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:49] That was good.

[1:00:50] So Maggie Grace is like, hey, we got all this money.

[1:00:53] No one knows we have it.

[1:00:54] Like we can just go.

[1:00:55] Why don't we just go to Mexico?

[1:00:56] Go to Mexico.

[1:00:57] And like they play it very seriously for a moment.

[1:01:00] And I'm just like, if this movie follows through this, I will fucking love it forever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:06] But no, they don't.

[1:01:07] She goes, I'm just kidding, guys.

[1:01:08] And they laugh and then they just sit there and it's a little bit like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:12] Which is crazy because at this point, who gives a fuck?

[1:01:16] They should have that hat like ended in a weird note rather than a boring note.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:21] Yeah.

[1:01:21] But it ends almost like the end of The Graduate.

[1:01:23] They're just kind of staring into space as they drive.

[1:01:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:01:27] And wondering what happened to their lives.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:29] It's the end of Michael Clayton where the credits just roll over George Clooney's face.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:33] Because I mean, really, what have the heroes accomplished in all of this?

[1:01:36] I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] They've saved some money that was going to be destroyed anyway.

[1:01:40] And only at the cost of maybe a dozen people's lives.

[1:01:42] Exactly.

[1:01:43] So.

[1:01:45] But who knows?

[1:01:46] Maybe they'll get a medal from Princess Leia.

[1:01:48] Except for Breeze, who's the Chewbacca of the group.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:51] Yeah, I think that actually checks out.

[1:01:53] That tracks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:54] And so that's the end of the hurricane heist.

[1:01:58] Oh, I was going to say my favorite thing about that ending of Michael Clayton is a story I heard somewhere.

[1:02:03] So I don't know if it's true.

[1:02:04] But that they were shooting that in a real taxi cab in New York.

[1:02:07] And that while they were driving, a car was next to them.

[1:02:10] And the guys in the car recognized George Clooney and were like, hey, George Clooney.

[1:02:13] Whoa, Clooney over here.

[1:02:15] And he had to just ignore them and stare ahead.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:18] Wow.

[1:02:18] Yeah.

[1:02:19] He deserves the Oscar.

[1:02:20] He won for that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:22] I don't think he won.

[1:02:23] I know.

[1:02:24] He won for Syriana, I think.

[1:02:26] For Best Supporting Actor.

[1:02:27] Because he grew a beard for that one.

[1:02:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:31] That's why head of MaxFun Network Jesse Thorne grew his beard.

[1:02:37] He was courting Oscar buzz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:39] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:40] Oh, I thought you were going to say it was the Syriana look.

[1:02:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:42] That was the drive jacket of that year.

[1:02:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:47] So, guys, that's the hurricane heist.

[1:02:51] Heist over, hurricane done.

[1:02:53] Three people survived.

[1:02:55] And now they're just going to deliver that dead money.

[1:02:58] Yeah.

[1:02:58] All those dead presidents.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:59] Luckily, the police force in Gulfport is decimated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:04] Yeah.

[1:03:04] Oh, that's also true.

[1:03:06] The Gulfport has no law enforcement now because every single member of the force turned bad.

[1:03:11] Like, I kind of wanted to see the scene where the sheriff goes to his deputies and is like,

[1:03:16] hey, I think I'm going to steal a lot of money during the hurricane.

[1:03:18] And every single deputy is like, I'm on board.

[1:03:21] And the sheriff for just a moment was like, uh, maybe I don't have the best force with me.

[1:03:25] I mean, I'm glad you guys are with me on this.

[1:03:27] But I just realized that maybe I wasn't working with the best people all this time.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:33] We should do our final judgments, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[1:03:37] or a movie we kind of liked.

[1:03:39] Um, I'll say that I thought this was a good, bad movie for me.

[1:03:43] I, uh, I like movies that are heist movies and I like movies that are disaster movies.

[1:03:48] And the dumber, the better usually.

[1:03:51] Um, well, not so much for heist movies.

[1:03:53] I like, I like smart heist movies and I like dumb disaster movies.

[1:03:56] And this was dumb on both counts, but it made me laugh a few times.

[1:04:00] I don't know.

[1:04:01] I got a kick out of it.

[1:04:02] I also, I, uh, I had a friend, uh, over when we were watching it.

[1:04:07] And so maybe I enjoyed it more than you guys.

[1:04:09] Cause I got to laugh at the silly stuff with someone else.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:13] Uh, that's a real cool way to sneak in that you have friends.

[1:04:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:17] Yeah.

[1:04:17] We get it, Dan friend.

[1:04:18] You're like Frankenstein's monster.

[1:04:20] Wonderful.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:20] Yeah.

[1:04:20] You're Joey, Phoebe, et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:22] Um, yeah.

[1:04:23] You're just hanging out at central park watching hurricane heist.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:26] Not letting Gunther come watch hurricane.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:29] You, at you and your, and the monkey perched on your shoulder.

[1:04:32] Cause that's right, Dan, you're Ross.

[1:04:33] You're not even Chandler.

[1:04:34] You're Ross in this scenario.

[1:04:36] Thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:37] I mean, I don't know.

[1:04:39] Yeah.

[1:04:40] That's not the worst.

[1:04:41] Uh, he's pretty bad.

[1:04:42] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:42] Um, Ross is the worst.

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:43] Chandler is annoying, but Ross is a monster.

[1:04:46] Yeah, that's true.

[1:04:47] I mean, one, he has a pet fucking monkey.

[1:04:48] That's not right.

[1:04:49] That monkey shouldn't be there.

[1:04:51] Nope.

[1:04:51] You're right.

[1:04:51] Number two, he like, he's like, Oh, I'm a sensitive guy.

[1:04:54] That means I can play with women's emotions and it's okay.

[1:04:57] Blah, blah, blah.

[1:04:58] I'm a sad guy.

[1:05:00] Yeah.

[1:05:01] Whereas Chandler is just.

[1:05:01] I'm one of the good ones.

[1:05:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:04] I'm one of the good ones.

[1:05:04] Chandler just had that like.

[1:05:05] I don't understand that.

[1:05:06] Chandler just had that thing where his, uh, he just, he had that cocaine problem, right?

[1:05:11] And he is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:12] Yeah.

[1:05:12] Chandler's just, he's got a drug addict and Joey is clearly gay and is afraid to admit

[1:05:16] it.

[1:05:16] And that's why he overcompensates with all the macho stuff.

[1:05:18] Yeah.

[1:05:19] That explains it.

[1:05:20] Um, now, now going to the girl's side, Rachel, of course, is Rachel is a psychopath.

[1:05:26] He's just killing people left and right.

[1:05:28] Uh, that's why they got the Rachel.

[1:05:32] That's why they, that's why they made that movie monster.

[1:05:35] The Rachel story.

[1:05:36] Uh, Phoebe, of course, as you can probably tell, has serious trauma issues and is dealing

[1:05:42] with it and PTSD and Monica, uh, you know, Monica, I don't even think if you look at all

[1:05:49] the clues in the episodes, I think you've realized Monica doesn't exist and it's just

[1:05:52] like a, a shared hallucination of the rest of the group.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:56] Oh, she's a Mr. Robot.

[1:05:58] Spoiler.

[1:05:58] Exactly.

[1:05:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:59] I feel like putting like being a closeted gay man in with all these other negative things

[1:06:03] kind of true makes it sound like they're all equal.

[1:06:07] And, uh, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:08] I would, I would say Dan, Joey, not being true to himself and being afraid of his

[1:06:12] true person, whether that's because someone has imposed that pressure on him or because

[1:06:17] he himself has his own misunderstood ideas of what it means to be a man.

[1:06:21] That is a negative thing.

[1:06:22] I want him to be free and open about himself and comfortable.

[1:06:25] As long as we're clear about that.

[1:06:26] I, uh, I'm not judging him for being gay.

[1:06:28] I'm judging him for not being honest with himself.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:32] Well, I'm glad that we, maybe that's not his fault.

[1:06:34] I'm glad we worked out the friends, but how do you feel about the hurricane?

[1:06:38] Now let's, well, let me get started on Frazier.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:41] Anyway, so.

[1:06:42] Niles is another one of those good guys, you know, he's just a good guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:47] He's just a good guy.

[1:06:47] I mean, the fact that he wants to cheat on his wife with the woman who works for his

[1:06:52] brother and therefore there's a real power.

[1:06:54] Yeah.

[1:06:54] It's a nice dynamic there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:55] Power dynamic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:57] Yeah.

[1:06:58] And that their dad is infantilized, uh, to the point where they treat him like a

[1:07:02] child.

[1:07:03] And of course, yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:04] Yes.

[1:07:05] Every comedy has a lot of problems.

[1:07:08] Let's move on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:10] Uh, what's the next thing we do on this podcast?

[1:07:12] No.

[1:07:13] Yeah.

[1:07:13] Just do it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:14] Just do it.

[1:07:15] I will say my final judgment.

[1:07:16] I wanted this movie to be a good, bad movie so badly.

[1:07:19] I think it got pretty close in my mind, but I found it kind of boring for most of it.

[1:07:23] But I think if I was watching it with another person, yes, I would have found it to be good,

[1:07:26] bad, because there are a couple of crazy moments, but the action scenes are pretty boring.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:30] And, uh, I mean, that's, I think that's actually the hallmark of a good, bad movie is that if

[1:07:34] you watch it by yourself, it's often boring and it's fun to watch with the group.

[1:07:38] So I'll say it is a good, bad movie.

[1:07:40] And also four for four, uh, with Rob Cohen directed movies.

[1:07:44] I think he's directed like five movies and we reviewed four of them on the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] So wait there.

[1:07:50] Wait, what?

[1:07:50] We didn't do fast and the furious as one of our movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:52] That's his most successful movie by far.

[1:07:54] What other Rob Cohen movies did we do?

[1:07:56] Stealth.

[1:07:56] Uh, we did Stealth, not with you, but we did Stealth.

[1:07:58] No, I missed it.

[1:07:59] We did The Boy Next Door.

[1:08:00] Uh-huh.

[1:08:01] And, uh, what was the other one?

[1:08:05] Do you remember?

[1:08:06] The Heist, The Heist Next Hurricane?

[1:08:08] Uh, it was, Stuart's pulling it up, so.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:12] Stuart Saves His Family?

[1:08:13] It is Stuart Saves His Family.

[1:08:16] Right?

[1:08:17] Rob Cohen pulling it up.

[1:08:18] You guys vamp while I do this?

[1:08:21] It wasn't correct.

[1:08:21] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:22] Was it Dragon Heart, the movie he directed?

[1:08:24] Oh, Alex Cross.

[1:08:25] Boom.

[1:08:26] Oh, yeah.

[1:08:26] Alex Cross.

[1:08:27] Oh, I didn't realize he made that one.

[1:08:28] Yeah, so, Rob Cohen, if he wants to, uh, is that the most by any director we've done?

[1:08:32] I think it might be.

[1:08:33] Yeah.

[1:08:34] Yeah.

[1:08:34] So he goes in the Flop Hall of Fame, uh, which is enshrined in the hearts of Americans everywhere.

[1:08:40] And, uh, and congratulations to him, you know?

[1:08:43] I guess he'll get his no prize in the mail.

[1:08:45] Yeah.

[1:08:45] For being the most flop director.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:48] Yeah.

[1:08:49] He, his jersey is gonna be put up in the Flophouse Raptors.

[1:08:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:08:54] What about the Flophouse Raptors?

[1:08:56] Uh, those don't exist.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:58] Oh, yeah, you're right.

[1:09:00] I guess I'll just have to go see Jurassic World.

[1:09:02] No more parks.

[1:09:04] In theaters now.

[1:09:06] In theaters at this moment.

[1:09:14] The Greatest Discovery is a podcast about Star Trek Discovery and so much more, Ben.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:19] We watched the entire first season of Star Trek Discovery, but now we're finding all kinds of interesting ancillary topics to get into.

[1:09:28] We're interviewing our favorite people.

[1:09:30] Reading comic books.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:32] And we're updating you on the news about season two of Star Trek Discovery.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:37] It's news you can use, and it's every two weeks on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:44] Going into a Bullseye interview, I know it's somebody who does amazing work, but it's an actual conversation.

[1:09:50] I don't know where it's headed.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:53] Absolutely.

[1:09:54] You're absolutely right.

[1:09:55] You said it actually better than I did, so I have to think about what that means.

[1:10:01] Hey, this is the straight talk that you're going to get on this show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:05] Bullseye.

[1:10:05] Creators you know, creators you need to know.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:08] Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

[1:10:15] We've got a couple of sponsors we want to say thank you to.

[1:10:18] And the first one is Blue Apron.

[1:10:21] Blue Apron delivers fresh pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door that can be cooked in under 45 minutes.

[1:10:32] It's a wonderful service if you're lazy like me, if you're busy like Elliot, if you're fizzy like Stu.

[1:10:42] Very fizzy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:44] So, Dan, Blue Apron, you know what I like about it best.

[1:10:49] What's that?

[1:10:49] Which is you don't have to measure anything.

[1:10:51] I don't like using measuring cups.

[1:10:53] I'll tell you why.

[1:10:54] Because depending on what angle you look at them, it looks like they say different things.

[1:10:58] I don't like that.

[1:10:58] It stresses me out.

[1:11:01] Because it's like, let me hold it just right.

[1:11:03] Also, a lot of measuring cups, the handle is on the wrong side for me.

[1:11:07] Why would they put the handle so that I have to hold it in my left hand to look at how much stuff is in there, where the markings are, when I'm a right-handed guy?

[1:11:15] For too long, right-handed people have been oppressed by not having the right stuff.

[1:11:19] So I say, measuring cups?

[1:11:21] No thank you.

[1:11:22] Blue Apron, thank you for freeing all of us from the oppression of measuring cups.

[1:11:27] Truly the devil's instrument on earth.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:30] Um, well, that's a very strong stance.

[1:11:33] But, uh, sure.

[1:11:34] We can all go with that one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] Oh, I'm not afraid of big measuring cup coming after me.

[1:11:38] Go for it.

[1:11:39] Pyrex, you know where I live.

[1:11:40] Send your goons over.

[1:11:42] I'll talk to you about your measuring cups.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:46] You don't want to get into a mob battle with Pyrex.

[1:11:51] They're like the Cosa Nostra of cooking things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:56] Why?

[1:11:56] Just because Pyrex sounds like an alien robot that's super awesome?

[1:11:59] Yeah.

[1:12:00] Yeah, sure.

[1:12:00] Of course.

[1:12:01] With fire powers?

[1:12:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:12:02] Yeah, of course.

[1:12:03] But still, I'm willing to take a stand.

[1:12:06] Measuring cups?

[1:12:07] Drool.

[1:12:07] And Blue Apron rules.

[1:12:08] And that's just, look, that's Kalen's Law number 405.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:12] Well, anyway, you should check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free at

[1:12:17] blueapron.com slash flophouse.

[1:12:19] That's blueapron.com slash flophouse.

[1:12:22] Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

[1:12:26] And we're also sponsored by Casper, a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line

[1:12:31] of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:12:36] They offer affordable prices because they cut out the middleman and sell directly to you

[1:12:41] the consumer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:44] Guys, let me just say it.

[1:12:45] I don't like middlemen.

[1:12:47] I like top men and bottom men.

[1:12:49] Okay.

[1:12:49] Middlemen, no thank you.

[1:12:51] They've got the worst of it in the human centipede.

[1:12:55] And I think they're taking it out on the rest of us by jacking up prices.

[1:12:59] So, Casper, thanks for selling your mattresses directly.

[1:13:02] Now, Dan, I think we've talked about this.

[1:13:03] You use a Casper mattress, and you found it to be satisfying for both sleep and sexual purposes.

[1:13:08] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:08] I don't want to get into one half of that, at least.

[1:13:12] To sleep?

[1:13:13] Yeah, that's right.

[1:13:14] It's too personal.

[1:13:16] Too personal.

[1:13:17] Do I snore?

[1:13:18] Yes.

[1:13:19] Yes, I snore.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:20] Now, Dan, I don't want to get too personal.

[1:13:22] So, you're in Missionary.

[1:13:24] Is there enough spring in the mattress to really give you the traction you need?

[1:13:28] I don't want to.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:33] According to the copy, they combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep

[1:13:40] surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

[1:13:42] So, if sink and bounce.

[1:13:43] Okay, so I'll take that as a yes.

[1:13:44] If you're looking for, then you'll do yourself just fine with the Casper.

[1:13:50] And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep on it trial.

[1:13:55] Now, if you want a little discount, you can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting

[1:14:01] Casper.com slash Flophouse and using promo code FLOPHOUSE, all one word, at checkout.

[1:14:08] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:14:10] Do they ever.

[1:14:12] We have a couple jumbotrons.

[1:14:14] Stuart has run to the restroom.

[1:14:17] That's why he hasn't been talking for this entire segment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:20] Yeah, he's been busy letting his body talk in a different way.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:23] And he has one of the jumbotrons.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:25] So, why don't I do mine that I have, which is the other one?

[1:14:29] Okay, this is a personal jumbotron.

[1:14:31] And it's for Louis.

[1:14:32] And it's from Alyssa.

[1:14:35] And so, Alyssa is saying to Louis,

[1:14:37] Happy anniversary and pre-Father's Day.

[1:14:40] This is a little late.

[1:14:41] As you can tell, Father's Day was a couple weeks ago.

[1:14:43] Happy anniversary and pre-Father's Day to my best friend.

[1:14:46] If you're half as good at dadding as you are at husbanding,

[1:14:49] little Mind Ray will be one lucky kid.

[1:14:51] Even if you make him listen to the whole back catalog of Flophouse and Adventure Zone

[1:14:55] when he's old enough.

[1:14:57] To the walls.

[1:14:58] Oh, so it looks like, I think, Louis and Alyssa might be expecting.

[1:15:01] That's wonderful.

[1:15:02] Congratulations, guys.

[1:15:03] That's the most wonderful joy that there is.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:07] And Stuart has returned, so...

[1:15:09] Now it's time for our secondary jump with Tron.

[1:15:13] Secondary in time, not in importance.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:15] Oh, hey, guys.

[1:15:15] Were you cool enough to pause the recording while I ran away?

[1:15:19] We were not.

[1:15:20] We were not.

[1:15:21] Okay, so please leave in all that stuff.

[1:15:23] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:24] Okay.

[1:15:24] And Stuart, was it okay that we put the microphone up against the door while you were in there?

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:28] I was like,

[1:15:29] Mommy!

[1:15:32] Anybody have a bandaid?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:34] It was just like in Stephen King's Dreamcatchers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:37] Yep.

[1:15:39] Now the question is, the person who came out of that bathroom, is it Stuart or a Stuart controlled by a shitweasel?

[1:15:46] Oh, no.

[1:15:47] Oh, no.

[1:15:47] You'll find out later.

[1:15:51] So, we got a Jumbotron.

[1:15:53] J-j-j-jumbotron.

[1:15:54] The Comics Canon is the podcast that renders judgment on the great comic book stories of yesterday and today.

[1:16:02] Every two weeks, Kurt Holman and Kevin Moreau discuss such well-known stories as

[1:16:09] Batman, The Dark Knight Returns, Civil War, Fun Home, and more works that have become mass media sensations.

[1:16:19] Each episode answers the questions.

[1:16:22] How do these stories hold up?

[1:16:24] What's their larger impact on comics or pop culture?

[1:16:28] And do they belong in that comic book hall of fame known as dot dot dot the Comics Canon?

[1:16:36] Find it on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, SoundCloud, Google Play, Spotify, and ComicsCanon.com.

[1:16:44] And Canon is spelled with one N, not two N.

[1:16:47] You jokesters.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:50] I do.

[1:16:51] I love the idea that comics is such a weird medium that it's like, we're going to be judging Civil War and Fun Home.

[1:16:57] Like, there is not two more different pieces of work.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:00] I mean, I don't think we're...

[1:17:01] I'm going to have to give it a listen.

[1:17:02] I mean, I don't think it's a...

[1:17:04] It's not like a battle royale.

[1:17:06] It's not like a brackets situation.

[1:17:08] But they're like, oh, Fun Home's going to have a tough time.

[1:17:10] Okay, Mouse went down against Watchmen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:12] Yeah.

[1:17:13] Fun.

[1:17:14] Fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:14] It looks like so.

[1:17:14] What's the Ring of Keys moment in Civil War?

[1:17:20] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:22] But moving on.

[1:17:23] They're like, okay, so our next matchup, it's Persepolis and Secret Wars.

[1:17:29] Yeah.

[1:17:31] Okay, Dan, what do we do next?

[1:17:33] So we did the sponsor stuff.

[1:17:34] Yes.

[1:17:35] We did the other stuff.

[1:17:36] Now, this episode is going to air after our Seattle show.

[1:17:40] So we don't have to plug it.

[1:17:40] We don't have to promote it.

[1:17:42] And, Dan, do we have any other live shows coming up to perform?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:45] To promote?

[1:17:46] Yeah, but...

[1:17:46] And to perform.

[1:17:47] No, we're not going to plug them yet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:49] Because they're way in the future?

[1:17:51] They're way in the future.

[1:17:52] We're taking a live show break after that Seattle show because I'm having a new baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:57] Having a new baby.

[1:17:58] New baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:01] That's our song, I guess.

[1:18:02] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:02] We did the whole thing.

[1:18:03] That's the jingle.

[1:18:03] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:04] The hit single.

[1:18:05] Guys, you just recorded your first number one hit.

[1:18:07] It's called New Baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:08] I mean, throwing baby into almost any song is a good idea.

[1:18:12] Yeah.

[1:18:12] That's what Richie Valance did, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:15] Yeah, exactly.

[1:18:16] Any song.

[1:18:18] Ave Marie, baby.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:22] It works.

[1:18:23] I'm glad that you did that because I was coming up with only offensive songs to throw baby into.

[1:18:27] I'm like, nope.

[1:18:28] Nope, not that one either.

[1:18:29] Like what?

[1:18:30] Like closer?

[1:18:30] Stuff like that?

[1:18:32] No, it was even worse.

[1:18:35] I don't even want to say what I was thinking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:38] Let's just leave it up to the audiences of the imagination.

[1:18:41] Okay.

[1:18:41] New contest right into what offensive song was Dan thinking of?

[1:18:45] Care of Dan McCoy.

[1:18:46] 124 Main Street.

[1:18:48] Anytown USA.

[1:18:49] Earth.

[1:18:50] Galaxy 5.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:52] Yes.

[1:18:52] Thank you.

[1:18:55] Sorry.

[1:18:56] There's a...

[1:18:57] I've got like a bad throat from my party last night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:02] Oh, you heard it here, folks.

[1:19:03] Dan's got a bad throat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:19:05] We get it.

[1:19:06] You had a great time at your party.

[1:19:07] You were living it up as you were going down.

[1:19:08] We understand.

[1:19:09] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:11] So...

[1:19:11] It's time for letters.

[1:19:13] Letters from listeners.

[1:19:14] Listeners like you.

[1:19:16] And the first letter is from Joe, last name withheld.

[1:19:19] Who writes...

[1:19:20] I'm the...

[1:19:21] Hey there, Joe.

[1:19:21] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:22] What are you gonna write today?

[1:19:25] Hey there, Joe.

[1:19:26] This is your time.

[1:19:28] What are you gonna say?

[1:19:30] Hey, Joe.

[1:19:31] Don't you know that you gotta show us what you got inside?

[1:19:36] Hey, Joe.

[1:19:37] Don't go.

[1:19:38] Don't run and hide.

[1:19:40] Be there with us today.

[1:19:42] Joe, it's your turn to say...

[1:19:46] Hey, baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:50] Oh, wow.

[1:19:51] I threw baby in there.

[1:19:53] I like that you didn't fade that one out.

[1:19:56] No.

[1:19:56] It was just a quick end.

[1:19:58] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:59] So, Joe writes...

[1:20:00] I'm the new...

[1:20:01] So, this is a story all about Joe.

[1:20:03] The letter he sent to these Porsche Moes.

[1:20:05] And we'd like to take a minute.

[1:20:06] Just sit right there.

[1:20:07] Dan will read your letter right live on the air.

[1:20:09] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:12] You really...

[1:20:12] You nailed the landing on that one in a way that I didn't expect.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:16] No, I didn't expect it either.

[1:20:18] Let me tell you.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:19] So, okay.

[1:20:20] Joe writes...

[1:20:21] I am the new proprietor of my very own video rental store located in Lincoln, Nebraska.

[1:20:26] I specialize in harder to find movies.

[1:20:28] Oh, that's a great town.

[1:20:29] VHX, Beta Mask, Laserdisc, DVD, and Blu-ray as well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:33] Wait, wait.

[1:20:34] Dan, did you say VHX and Beta Mask?

[1:20:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:38] I got interrupted right in the middle of the fucking sentence.

[1:20:43] Anyway, this guy...

[1:20:44] The point is he's got harder to find movies.

[1:20:46] But the question is...

[1:20:48] If you were an employee at a video store, what would your three employee picks be?

[1:20:53] Flophouse Housecat can have three picks too.

[1:20:55] Keep on flopping in the real world.

[1:20:57] Thanks, Joe.

[1:20:58] Last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:02] So, this is interesting.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:03] Because you want to pick something that you like.

[1:21:07] You want to pick something that people might not be familiar with?

[1:21:10] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:11] Wait, what are we doing?

[1:21:12] I was trying to come up with a Beta Mask joke.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:16] You were...

[1:21:17] Do you have an employee picks at your video store?

[1:21:20] What would your three movies be?

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:22] Oh, I get to pick exactly three movies.

[1:21:25] Yeah.

[1:21:26] Three movies that I would recommend to a person.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:29] Yeah, exactly three.

[1:21:30] This is going to be hard for you, Stu.

[1:21:31] I know.

[1:21:31] It's going to be difficult.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:32] I wish you'd given me this question earlier.

[1:21:36] I asked these questions in advance for situations like this, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:39] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[1:21:41] No, it's tough.

[1:21:43] I think my three movies would be...

[1:21:48] And I'm just pulling this off the top of my head here.

[1:21:51] Okay.

[1:21:53] Return of the Living Dead.

[1:21:55] Okay.

[1:21:57] The Birds.

[1:21:58] Okay.

[1:21:59] And Animal Crackers.

[1:22:02] Now...

[1:22:03] Somewhere...

[1:22:03] I was about to...

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:04] Somewhere David Byrne is crying.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:06] I was about to...

[1:22:07] I kept...

[1:22:08] I kept myself from stepping on your big stew, which was my first impulse.

[1:22:15] Just to steal them?

[1:22:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:17] And then Stuart is thrown into a tailspin trying to remember other movies.

[1:22:23] Juana Man.

[1:22:24] Uh...

[1:22:25] Uh...

[1:22:27] Man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:28] Juana Man.

[1:22:29] Uh...

[1:22:29] The air up there.

[1:22:30] Um...

[1:22:30] Uh...

[1:22:31] Uh...

[1:22:32] Now, those are not...

[1:22:32] Air Buds.

[1:22:33] Those are not necessarily my favorite movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:35] I just want to expose people to these movies.

[1:22:38] I want to expose myself via these movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:41] Heard it here first, folks.

[1:22:42] Um...

[1:22:43] Yeah.

[1:22:43] So my three movies are...

[1:22:46] Uh...

[1:22:46] A little movie called Castle Freak.

[1:22:48] Uh-huh.

[1:22:49] Uh...

[1:22:50] A movie called The Head of the Family.

[1:22:52] Okay.

[1:22:53] And for my third pick, I would say...

[1:22:57] Dr. Zhivago.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:01] Interesting.

[1:23:02] Okay.

[1:23:04] Uh...

[1:23:04] Again, I think picking not necessarily my three favorite movies, but three movies that I feel like people would like and they haven't...

[1:23:12] They haven't seen...

[1:23:13] People haven't seen as much of them.

[1:23:14] I would say...

[1:23:15] Uh...

[1:23:16] The Devil and Daniel Webster.

[1:23:17] Mm-hmm.

[1:23:18] Uh...

[1:23:19] Closely Watch Trains, which is one...

[1:23:21] I mean, those are two of my favorites, but...

[1:23:22] And then, I think I'd maybe put, like, The Prestige.

[1:23:26] Okay.

[1:23:26] That's a good...

[1:23:26] Which is a movie that...

[1:23:27] As much as Christopher Nolan is a huge name, I feel like The Prestige is still not a movie a lot of people have seen.

[1:23:33] Yeah.

[1:23:33] So...

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:34] There was a big reveal in the third act of that, uh...

[1:23:38] That thing that you did, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:41] Yeah, if only there was a word for that.

[1:23:43] I don't know.

[1:23:44] I mean, the other one I could think of possibly is, like, in the similar one of big-name director, where he has a movie that I think is maybe his...

[1:23:53] That's one of his best, if not his best, that no one's...

[1:23:56] That not as many people have seen is how they also think about putting in Zodiac.

[1:23:59] Yeah.

[1:23:59] Which...

[1:24:00] It baffles...

[1:24:01] It, like, boggles my mind.

[1:24:02] Oh, David Fincher's best movie by far?

[1:24:04] Yes, by far.

[1:24:05] Like, by far.

[1:24:06] And it's an amazing movie.

[1:24:07] And I think just because it's long, most people have not seen it.

[1:24:10] But it's such a good movie.

[1:24:12] So...

[1:24:12] Those are my choices.

[1:24:17] So put...

[1:24:18] Now, I did work at a video store, and I was very mad that we did not have an employee recommendations child.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:25] Put them up on the wall under the title, Flophouse Recommends.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:28] I mean, for...

[1:24:28] When you were working there, you could basically call the anime section the employee recommendation section, right?

[1:24:34] Oh, the Neon Genesis Evangelion tapes.

[1:24:37] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:38] The wall of Dragon Ball Z tapes that we had that we could not keep on the shelves because kids bought them so fast.

[1:24:45] Yeah, definitely.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:47] This next letter is from Caleb, last name withheld.

[1:24:50] Caleb Carr.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:51] Caleb Carr, author of The Alienist.

[1:24:52] I'm glad that we both went to the only Caleb we can think of.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:58] On the layover episode, Stuart mentioned his wanting to see the Burt Reynolds film, The Last Movie Star.

[1:25:03] Having spent a full 12-hour day at an airport being an extra and being a big-shot movie star as a result, I thought I could offer up some juicy on-set gossip.

[1:25:12] Give me those dirty deets.

[1:25:14] For starters, all of the other extras left their prop baggage in a large, unattended pile, causing TSA to momentarily freak out until he claimed it all.

[1:25:22] Shenanigans.

[1:25:23] Next, since Burt is getting on in years, a golf cart would appear to whisk him away between takes, and a young man would stand in for him wearing a blazer, wig, and a grotesque mask that I can only describe as something out of nothing but trouble.

[1:25:35] Scandal.

[1:25:36] And finally, when I did get the chance to briefly meet director Adam Rifkin, I said,

[1:25:41] I'm a big fan.

[1:25:42] You did The Invisible Maniac, right?

[1:25:44] To which he replied,

[1:25:46] Yeah, you must be a real fan of film to know that one.

[1:25:49] He wistfully looked away for a moment and said,

[1:25:51] That was a real fun one to make.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:53] Stars.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:55] Well, that was my brief brush with the Hollywood elite.

[1:25:59] I'm sorry to say that the film isn't that great, but maybe it could make a great flop material someday.

[1:26:03] Thanks for continually making my favorite show and podcast or any other form.

[1:26:06] Caleb, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:08] Yeah, I still haven't gotten around to it.

[1:26:09] I got to track it down.

[1:26:11] Yeah.

[1:26:12] I did that one for you, Stuart.

[1:26:15] Thanks, Dan.

[1:26:18] Thanks for curating content just for me.

[1:26:21] Yo, what are you, Netflix?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:25] Things Stuart might like.

[1:26:27] I figured the listeners wouldn't give a shit about it, but Stuart might enjoy it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:31] And I would like to think that listeners like hearing Stuart happy, sad, drunk, etc.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:38] Yeah.

[1:26:38] Yeah, the full gamut.

[1:26:39] The rainbow of Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:40] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:40] Those are, I mean, what?

[1:26:42] Those are the five humors?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:45] Yep.

[1:26:46] Happy, sad, drunk, sleepy, and dopey.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:52] Well, if there's nothing else about that, I'll move along.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:55] No, that was, I thought, I found that genuinely very informative and interesting.

[1:26:59] So thank you, Caleb.

[1:26:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:00] This one is from Heather, last name withheld.

[1:27:03] Langenkamp.

[1:27:04] Who writes,

[1:27:06] Get Freddy out of my brain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:11] I'm a philosophy professor.

[1:27:12] That seems, wait, hold on.

[1:27:13] That seems like a very, like, that's a perfectly reasonable demand.

[1:27:19] Any help we could provide in getting Freddy out of somebody's brain, I feel like that's on us.

[1:27:23] We have the responsibility to do that.

[1:27:24] Yeah.

[1:27:25] Why is it our job?

[1:27:25] Why don't you stop falling asleep, idiots?

[1:27:28] That's not as easy as it sounds, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:30] Just go to sleep no more.

[1:27:31] It's in the title.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:34] But if that was the cure, they do a new Nightmare on Elm Street, like, we can't sleep anymore.

[1:27:40] I guess we're going to New York for some experimental theater.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:43] Sleep no more it is.

[1:27:44] That's the coming to America style of picking where to go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:48] And Freddy shows up and he's like, this is freaking me out.

[1:27:51] I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:52] Why are they wearing masks?

[1:27:53] The anonymity freaks me out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:55] It's like, wait a minute.

[1:27:56] If I go into that room, I'm going to miss whatever's happening in that other room.

[1:27:58] This is so stressful.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:00] The completionist in me is freaking out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:03] I'm experiencing real FOMO here.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:06] Heather writes, I'm a philosophy professor, and I was recently teaching an ancient Greek philosophy course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:12] Wait, teaching philosophy to ancient Greeks?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:16] I was teaching an ancient Greek philosophy course.

[1:28:19] I think either interpretation works.

[1:28:22] Yeah.

[1:28:23] We were on the subject of Plato's Symposium, which includes an appearance by a historic Athenian general named, I'm going to fucking butcher this, Alcibiades.

[1:28:35] Alcibiades.

[1:28:36] Alcibiades.

[1:28:38] I asked my class if they're familiar with a scandal Alcibiades was involved in, known as the mutilation of the Herms.

[1:28:45] They were not, so I started to explain.

[1:28:47] There were these statues called Herms that had prominent genitalia.

[1:28:50] And on the eve of an important military expedition, someone went around Athens.

[1:28:55] And at that point, things went very wrong because the phrase that forcibly intruded itself into my mind was, ripping their ding-dongs off.

[1:29:03] I managed to rest just enough control of myself that what came out of my mouth was instead a squeaky, strangled, ripping their genitals off.

[1:29:11] Uh-huh.

[1:29:11] I then doubled over behind the lectern, gasping with laughter, while my class sat in stunned silence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:17] The tenure committee's monocles fell out of their faces.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:22] Calming back down enough to resume lecturing was terrifyingly difficult.

[1:29:27] My question for you three is, have you had any other similar circumstances in which you had to try and stifle inappropriate laughter?

[1:29:33] Your loyal listener, Heather.

[1:29:36] The one that comes to my mind, do you remember this, Elliot?

[1:29:41] It was, um...

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:42] I don't know.

[1:29:43] Tell me more about it.

[1:29:44] Okay.

[1:29:46] Yeah, give them some more context clues, please.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:50] We were at the Emmys one year, and they did, like, this, like, montage that, uh...

[1:29:58] Oh, what's his face?

[1:30:00] Um, I can't even remember.

[1:30:03] Rhodey.

[1:30:04] Uh, War Machine.

[1:30:06] Don Cheadle?

[1:30:06] Don Cheadle came out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:07] Was that the thing where it was about the Kennedy assassination?

[1:30:09] And then they tied it into the Beatles?

[1:30:11] Yeah, they're like...

[1:30:12] Or they're like...

[1:30:12] As if that solved the problem?

[1:30:13] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:14] And so we're at, like...

[1:30:15] You know, we're at this, like, high-class, supposedly, uh, function.

[1:30:20] And, uh, we're...

[1:30:22] Yeah, like, he has the Kennedy assassination.

[1:30:25] Then, like, and then the Beatles came!

[1:30:27] And everyone was happy!

[1:30:28] And, like, everyone in our group was stifling, like, so much laughter.

[1:30:33] And we felt like the bad kids in the back of class.

[1:30:36] And, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:37] I remember that.

[1:30:38] Well, that's similar to, uh...

[1:30:40] There was the first time I ever went to the Writers Guild Awards,

[1:30:43] which was also the only year that the show won while I was there.

[1:30:46] Uh, we were sitting all the way in the back of the theater,

[1:30:49] and I was sitting next to another fellow at, uh, Daily Show writer

[1:30:52] who now has gone off to do many great things.

[1:30:54] A man named Sam Means,

[1:30:55] who's now part of the Tina Fey, Robert Carlock show universe.

[1:30:58] And, uh, and we were drinking more and more

[1:31:02] and getting more and more frustrated with how long the things were going on.

[1:31:04] And they didn't get to our category until the very end.

[1:31:07] So we were just kind of, like...

[1:31:08] We went from stifling our laughter,

[1:31:10] because, like, Edward Albee was on stage getting an honorary award

[1:31:13] and things like that,

[1:31:14] to eventually just kind of, like,

[1:31:16] more just conversationally heckling things.

[1:31:19] And it was like,

[1:31:21] looking back at it, I'm like,

[1:31:22] that was not very professional of us.

[1:31:24] But, uh, I feel like I've had so many times in my life

[1:31:26] when I'll be in a serious situation

[1:31:28] and I'll just start thinking about something

[1:31:30] that was in, like, a Kids in the Hall sketch or something,

[1:31:32] and I'll have trouble not laughing.

[1:31:34] And it's very frustrating for me.

[1:31:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:37] I don't know whether you have anything, Stuart.

[1:31:39] We don't have to...

[1:31:39] Yeah, I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:41] I can't think of any specific instance,

[1:31:43] but, like,

Dan McCoy

[1:31:43] almost every night that I'm bartending,

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:46] there's at least one conversation

[1:31:48] between two very drunk people,

[1:31:50] usually somebody explaining the plot of,

[1:31:53] I don't know,

[1:31:54] fucking Dexter to somebody.

[1:31:57] And I just kind of overhear snippets of it

[1:32:00] and try not to laugh too loudly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:05] But anyway...

[1:32:06] Dexter's real popular among the patrons at Hinterlands?

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:08] I don't know.

[1:32:09] That's, like, one of those things that...

[1:32:11] It happened a lot at, uh...

[1:32:13] It happened a lot when I was working at Games Workshop.

[1:32:16] We had this one fucking guy who...

[1:32:18] He was, like, a construction guy.

[1:32:19] Any days he had off,

[1:32:21] he would just sit at the painting table

[1:32:23] painting miniatures,

[1:32:24] and whatever kids had off of school

[1:32:26] would be, like,

[1:32:27] clustered around this fucking old long beard.

[1:32:29] And he would just tell them...

[1:32:31] He would just recount, like,

[1:32:32] the entire plot of the first season

[1:32:34] of Battlestar Galactica,

[1:32:36] like they're, like,

[1:32:37] younglings around the fucking fire.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:40] And it was...

[1:32:41] Those are the epic...

[1:32:42] The legends of their people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:44] Yeah, it was the weirdest thing.

[1:32:45] And I'm like,

[1:32:46] uh, I'm not getting paid enough for this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:55] That's so funny.

[1:32:56] Like, that's totally what's gonna happen

[1:32:58] when society collapses,

[1:32:59] is that old people,

[1:33:01] old nerds,

[1:33:01] will just be describing in detail

[1:33:03] the plots of, like,

[1:33:04] episodes of the X-Files

[1:33:06] or, like,

[1:33:07] serenity.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:08] That was the best moment,

[1:33:09] probably the best scene

[1:33:11] in the Rob Cohen-directed...

[1:33:13] Uh...

[1:33:14] Wait, did he direct

[1:33:14] Reign of Fire?

[1:33:16] Who ever directed Reign of Fire?

[1:33:18] Uh...

[1:33:18] I don't know.

[1:33:19] It's in Reign of Fire,

[1:33:20] where the...

[1:33:20] It's in the post-apocalyptic society,

[1:33:22] and they're, like,

[1:33:23] telling the story

[1:33:24] and play-acting

[1:33:25] the Star Wars trilogy.

[1:33:27] Uh-huh.

[1:33:27] Which is a huge mistake,

[1:33:29] because they're like,

[1:33:29] oh, yeah,

[1:33:30] I should be watching Star Wars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:32] I guess what we're talking about

[1:33:33] is also the plot

[1:33:34] of the play Mr. Burns,

[1:33:36] which I recommend

[1:33:37] to anyone who likes

[1:33:38] reading plays,

[1:33:39] where something as...

[1:33:41] something terrible

[1:33:41] has happened to society,

[1:33:43] and the thing that

[1:33:44] knits civilization

[1:33:45] back together again

[1:33:46] is people recounting

[1:33:47] episodes of The Simpsons

[1:33:48] to each other,

[1:33:49] trying to remember

[1:33:50] all the jokes.

[1:33:51] It's a really good play.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:53] But now is the time

[1:33:54] on the show

[1:33:55] where we recommend movies

[1:33:56] that we actually liked,

[1:33:57] movies that you should

[1:33:58] spend your hard-earned time on.

[1:34:00] And that's how it works.

[1:34:01] You earn time.

[1:34:01] Go to the video store

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:02] and pop them in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:04] And then you check your forearm

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:05] and watch the hours

[1:34:06] click down.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:08] See many seconds

[1:34:08] you've earned

[1:34:09] at the job today.

[1:34:10] Yeah.

[1:34:11] And if you have enough minutes

[1:34:12] to buy a hamburger...

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:13] Or you can share some

[1:34:14] with your...

[1:34:16] mom?

[1:34:19] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:22] Let's not get into

[1:34:22] old scandals

[1:34:23] and controversies.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:24] Yeah.

[1:34:25] Anyway,

[1:34:26] so we recommend movies

[1:34:28] on the show

[1:34:28] and I'll start

[1:34:29] by recommending one

[1:34:30] called

[1:34:31] Human Highway,

[1:34:33] which is a deeply

[1:34:33] strange movie.

[1:34:37] The...

[1:34:38] It was directed

[1:34:39] by

[1:34:40] Neil Young

[1:34:42] and Dean Stockwell

[1:34:43] and

[1:34:44] it

[1:34:46] was written

[1:34:47] by

[1:34:47] them

[1:34:48] plus a few

[1:34:49] other people

[1:34:49] and

[1:34:51] it's...

[1:34:52] listen to this

[1:34:52] cast.

[1:34:53] You got

[1:34:53] starring in it.

[1:34:55] You have

[1:34:56] Russ Tamblyn,

[1:34:58] Dean Stockwell,

[1:34:58] Dennis Hopper

[1:34:59] and Devo

[1:35:01] are all in this movie.

[1:35:03] And if you look on

[1:35:04] the IMDb

[1:35:08] for a plot summary,

[1:35:10] here's a paragraph

[1:35:11] that someone put together.

[1:35:13] The new owner

[1:35:14] of a roadside diner

[1:35:15] stuck in a town

[1:35:16] built around

[1:35:17] an always leaking

[1:35:17] nuclear power plant

[1:35:19] plans to torch the place

[1:35:20] to collect insurance.

[1:35:21] However,

[1:35:22] an assortment

[1:35:22] of bizarre characters

[1:35:23] and weird events

[1:35:24] such as

[1:35:24] spaceships flying around

[1:35:25] gets in his way.

[1:35:27] that makes it sound

[1:35:28] like it has

[1:35:28] a coherent plot.

[1:35:30] It does not.

[1:35:31] It is exactly

[1:35:32] what you think

[1:35:32] a movie

[1:35:33] directed and

[1:35:34] written by

[1:35:34] starring Devo

[1:35:35] would be.

[1:35:37] It is...

[1:35:38] It feels like...

[1:35:39] It feels like

[1:35:40] Repo Man

[1:35:41] by way of

[1:35:42] Pee-wee's Playhouse

[1:35:43] and

[1:35:44] I can't say

[1:35:45] that like

[1:35:45] everyone...

[1:35:47] I saw this

[1:35:48] with a bunch

[1:35:48] of friends

[1:35:49] at a birthday party

[1:35:50] and some people

[1:35:51] had a violently

[1:35:51] negative reaction

[1:35:52] to it

[1:35:53] and it is

[1:35:56] self-indulgent

[1:35:56] and weird

[1:35:57] and it goes off

[1:35:59] in all kinds of

[1:36:00] narrative dead ends

[1:36:01] but there's something

[1:36:03] about it

[1:36:03] that is very

[1:36:04] 80s

[1:36:05] and

[1:36:06] fun.

[1:36:07] It feels like

[1:36:07] you're watching...

[1:36:09] If an episode

[1:36:09] of Night Flight

[1:36:10] was a movie

[1:36:11] it kind of feels like

[1:36:12] this would be the movie

[1:36:13] and everything ends

[1:36:15] with everyone

[1:36:16] getting blown up

[1:36:17] in a nuclear explosion.

[1:36:18] So,

[1:36:19] if you like a movie

[1:36:19] that ends with that...

[1:36:20] Spoiler!

[1:36:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:22] Yeah, that's...

[1:36:22] I mean,

[1:36:22] that is the way

[1:36:23] Return of the Living Dead

[1:36:24] ends, right?

[1:36:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:25] And the way that

[1:36:26] Dead or Alive ends.

[1:36:29] Yeah.

[1:36:30] There's a lot of

[1:36:30] connections today, guys.

[1:36:31] Oh, cool.

[1:36:32] Yeah, references.

[1:36:33] Uh-huh.

[1:36:35] Cool.

[1:36:35] So, that's a movie.

[1:36:36] Elliot, you want to

[1:36:36] recommend a movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:39] Sure.

[1:36:39] I'm going to recommend...

[1:36:40] So, the movie I saw

[1:36:42] recently that I liked

[1:36:42] the most was

[1:36:43] I finally got to see

[1:36:44] The Death of Stalin

[1:36:44] but I think Dan

[1:36:45] already recommended that

[1:36:46] on a previous episode

[1:36:48] but I thought that was

[1:36:49] really, really great.

[1:36:50] But two movies

[1:36:51] I watched recently

[1:36:52] that I liked

[1:36:53] and also that I...

[1:36:54] that feel thematically

[1:36:55] linked in a way to me

[1:36:56] but they're not

[1:36:57] the most...

[1:36:58] They're good

[1:36:58] but they're not

[1:36:58] the most amazing movies

[1:36:59] are

[1:37:00] the recent HBO documentary

[1:37:02] about Andre the Giant

[1:37:04] entitled Andre the Giant

[1:37:05] and the documentary

[1:37:07] about Gilbert Gottfried

[1:37:08] entitled Gilbert.

[1:37:09] So, very hard

[1:37:10] to parse titles

[1:37:11] on these ones.

[1:37:12] and they both

[1:37:13] kind of follow

[1:37:14] pretty standard

[1:37:15] documentary

[1:37:17] about a famous person

[1:37:18] format

[1:37:18] that I feel like

[1:37:20] both of them

[1:37:21] are about people

[1:37:22] who lived

[1:37:24] kind of outside

[1:37:25] of normal society

[1:37:27] either by virtue

[1:37:27] of Andre the Giant

[1:37:28] being physically

[1:37:29] just different

[1:37:30] from every other person

[1:37:31] in the world

[1:37:32] in a way that made it

[1:37:33] uncomfortable

[1:37:33] for him to live normally

[1:37:34] and Gilbert Gottfried

[1:37:36] being somewhat emotionally

[1:37:38] unable to live normally

[1:37:39] and just that this

[1:37:40] was both a curse

[1:37:41] for them

[1:37:42] and also gave them

[1:37:43] the license to

[1:37:44] live in a way

[1:37:45] that would have

[1:37:45] made other people

[1:37:47] outcasts

[1:37:48] but instead made them

[1:37:49] beloved

[1:37:49] in a big way

[1:37:50] and they both

[1:37:52] they did their

[1:37:53] and in one case

[1:37:54] the Gilbert one

[1:37:55] is a much happier story

[1:37:56] and the Andre the Giant one

[1:37:57] is somewhat of a

[1:37:58] sad story

[1:37:59] but both movies

[1:38:00] did a good job

[1:38:01] of just like

[1:38:01] telling their stories

[1:38:02] and the thing about

[1:38:03] the Andre the Giant movie

[1:38:04] in particular

[1:38:05] is like

[1:38:05] I find professional wrestling

[1:38:06] the actual wrestling

[1:38:07] I find very boring

[1:38:08] to watch

[1:38:09] what

[1:38:09] I'm fascinated by

[1:38:10] I'm sorry

[1:38:11] but I'm fascinated

[1:38:12] by the business of it

[1:38:13] and all the character

[1:38:14] building that goes on

[1:38:15] around it

[1:38:16] and there's something

[1:38:16] in it about

[1:38:17] how you're watching

[1:38:18] like Vincent McMahon

[1:38:20] and Hulk Hogan

[1:38:21] and a number of other people

[1:38:22] recounting plot lines

[1:38:24] that they were in

[1:38:25] with Andre the Giant

[1:38:25] and at this point

[1:38:26] the plot lines

[1:38:27] and their emotions

[1:38:28] the way they think

[1:38:30] of their emotions

[1:38:30] at the time

[1:38:31] have merged

[1:38:32] so Hulk Hogan

[1:38:33] is talking about

[1:38:33] the storyline

[1:38:34] where Andre the Giant

[1:38:35] turned bad

[1:38:36] became a heel

[1:38:37] did a heel

[1:38:38] turn

[1:38:39] and he defeated

[1:38:40] him at

[1:38:40] Wrestlemania 3

[1:38:41] and Hulk Hogan

[1:38:42] is talking about

[1:38:43] that in a way

[1:38:44] that he's like

[1:38:45] genuinely hurt

[1:38:46] by being betrayed

[1:38:47] by his friend

[1:38:48] Andre the Giant

[1:38:49] and it's like

[1:38:49] it's just an interesting

[1:38:51] the movie is not

[1:38:52] about this

[1:38:52] but it kind of

[1:38:53] hints at it

[1:38:53] the way that

[1:38:54] the characters

[1:38:55] they played

[1:38:56] have become

[1:38:56] their memories

[1:38:57] you know

[1:38:58] and become

[1:38:58] the people

[1:38:59] they are today

[1:38:59] and so anyway

[1:39:01] both of those

[1:39:01] others thought

[1:39:02] were interesting

[1:39:03] watches

[1:39:03] how is

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:05] I really like

[1:39:06] that other

[1:39:06] Andre the Giant

[1:39:08] My Dinner

[1:39:09] with Andre

[1:39:10] how does it

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:11] compare to that

[1:39:11] yeah

[1:39:11] that one is

[1:39:13] that one's a little

[1:39:14] slower

[1:39:15] and I think

[1:39:16] it's I think

[1:39:17] casting Wallace

[1:39:17] Sean in the role

[1:39:18] of Andre the Giant

[1:39:19] was a bit of a

[1:39:20] mistake

[1:39:20] but you didn't

[1:39:21] have to

[1:39:21] give him as much

[1:39:22] food

[1:39:22] and the thing

[1:39:24] yeah that's true

[1:39:25] I mean they saved

[1:39:25] on the budget

[1:39:26] because they didn't

[1:39:26] have to give him

[1:39:27] as much food

[1:39:27] or wine

[1:39:27] and they figured

[1:39:29] Wallace Sean

[1:39:29] knew Andre the Giant

[1:39:30] they worked together

[1:39:31] in the Princess Bride

[1:39:32] and I'm actually

[1:39:32] kind of disappointed

[1:39:33] they didn't interview him

[1:39:34] for the Andre the Giant

[1:39:35] movie

[1:39:35] but they figured

[1:39:37] he knows Andre the Giant's

[1:39:38] mannerisms

[1:39:39] because he observed

[1:39:39] him up close

[1:39:40] but here's the thing

[1:39:42] I think they forgot

[1:39:42] is that the thing

[1:39:43] about Andre the Giant

[1:39:44] like the core concept

[1:39:45] of him

[1:39:46] is he's a giant

[1:39:47] and Wallace Sean

[1:39:48] is actually a very

[1:39:49] small man

[1:39:50] Wallace Sean

[1:39:51] would be perfect

[1:39:51] to play a character

[1:39:52] like say

[1:39:52] I don't know

[1:39:53] Ziggy

[1:39:53] Hollywood

[1:39:54] get in touch

[1:39:55] with me

[1:39:55] I have the script

[1:39:56] whereas Andre the Giant

[1:39:58] I think they lost

[1:39:59] a lot of the

[1:39:59] physical capacity

[1:40:00] by casting a small

[1:40:02] man with a very

[1:40:02] high pitched voice

[1:40:03] in the role of

[1:40:05] a very large man

[1:40:05] with a very deep voice

[1:40:06] but anyway

[1:40:07] if you have HBO

[1:40:08] then I recommend

[1:40:09] the Andre the Giant

[1:40:10] Gilbert is on Hulu

[1:40:12] I bet you can get

[1:40:13] other places

[1:40:13] but if you have Hulu

[1:40:14] you can watch it

[1:40:14] and both of them

[1:40:15] I thought were

[1:40:15] enjoyable documentaries

[1:40:16] with a lot of

[1:40:17] and this is my

[1:40:18] favorite thing

[1:40:18] archival video

[1:40:20] footage of

[1:40:20] performance

[1:40:21] mmm

[1:40:22] good stuff

[1:40:23] I'm going to

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:26] recommend a movie

[1:40:27] I saw

[1:40:28] I was lucky enough

[1:40:30] to see the

[1:40:31] BAM

[1:40:32] Cinema Fest

[1:40:33] world premiere of

[1:40:34] I think it was the

[1:40:35] world premiere of

[1:40:35] the movie

[1:40:36] Sorry to Bother You

[1:40:37] from first time

[1:40:39] director

[1:40:39] Boots Riley

[1:40:40] starring

[1:40:41] a bunch of

[1:40:43] very famous

[1:40:44] hot actors

[1:40:44] right now

[1:40:45] Lakeith Stanfield

[1:40:46] Tessa Thompson

[1:40:47] Armie Hammer

[1:40:49] Terry Crews

[1:40:50] etc

[1:40:51] you were so

[1:40:53] turned on

[1:40:53] when you said

[1:40:54] Armie Hammer

[1:40:54] but

[1:40:57] yeah

[1:40:58] it's

[1:40:59] it's a

[1:41:01] weirdo comedy

[1:41:02] it's

[1:41:04] a debut

[1:41:05] film

[1:41:05] from

[1:41:06] a

[1:41:07] talented

[1:41:08] and creative

[1:41:09] guy

[1:41:10] and

[1:41:11] not all

[1:41:12] like it feels

[1:41:13] like a debut

[1:41:13] like not all the

[1:41:14] jokes always work

[1:41:15] and not everything

[1:41:16] is like the

[1:41:17] timing's not always

[1:41:18] great

[1:41:19] but there's

[1:41:20] there's something

[1:41:21] great about

[1:41:22] watching a movie

[1:41:22] you mentioned

[1:41:23] Repo Man

[1:41:24] earlier

[1:41:25] and it kind of

[1:41:25] reminded me of

[1:41:26] like

[1:41:26] like it

[1:41:27] it definitely

[1:41:28] doesn't feel like

[1:41:30] a movie made

[1:41:31] by a factory

[1:41:31] and it's

[1:41:34] it's just weird

[1:41:36] and funny

[1:41:36] and doesn't

[1:41:38] go in the

[1:41:39] direction you

[1:41:39] were going to

[1:41:40] expect it to

[1:41:41] go

[1:41:41] yeah

[1:41:43] I

[1:41:43] I definitely

[1:41:45] recommend it

[1:41:46] I think it's a

[1:41:46] great movie

[1:41:46] and

[1:41:47] kind of a

[1:41:49] kind of a

[1:41:49] breath of fresh

[1:41:50] air

[1:41:50] and especially

[1:41:51] amongst

[1:41:52] comedies

[1:41:53] that I've

[1:41:53] seen in the

[1:41:54] theater

[1:41:54] so sorry

[1:41:55] to bother

[1:41:56] you

[1:41:56] I think

[1:41:57] it's

[1:41:57] I think

[1:41:57] it's

[1:41:58] should be

[1:41:58] I don't

[1:41:58] know when

[1:41:59] this podcast

[1:41:59] is coming

[1:42:00] out but I

[1:42:00] think it's

[1:42:00] going to be

[1:42:01] going to

[1:42:01] theaters

[1:42:02] in early

[1:42:03] July

[1:42:03] so

[1:42:04] it comes

[1:42:05] out soon

[1:42:05] yeah

[1:42:05] check it

[1:42:06] out

Dan McCoy

[1:42:06] one quick

[1:42:08] thing that I

[1:42:08] just remembered

[1:42:09] about my

[1:42:09] movie that I

[1:42:10] wanted to

[1:42:10] mention

[1:42:11] you made

[1:42:13] a movie

[1:42:13] after

[1:42:13] after we

[1:42:15] watched

[1:42:15] Human Highway

[1:42:16] it took us

[1:42:17] down a rabbit

[1:42:18] hole of looking

[1:42:18] at young

[1:42:20] Russ Tamblyn

[1:42:21] and things

[1:42:21] and if you

[1:42:22] Google

[1:42:23] Russ Tamblyn

[1:42:24] shovel dance

[1:42:28] there's a

[1:42:29] great sequence

[1:42:29] from I don't

[1:42:30] know what

[1:42:30] movie but it's

[1:42:31] just amazing

[1:42:32] seeing like

[1:42:33] what an

[1:42:34] acrobatic

[1:42:35] physical performer

[1:42:36] he was when he

[1:42:36] was young

[1:42:37] he was just

[1:42:37] amazing

[1:42:38] and you'll

[1:42:39] have a great

[1:42:40] time if you

[1:42:40] look at that

[1:42:41] shovel dance

[1:42:42] from Russ

[1:42:42] Tamblyn

[1:42:42] okay

[1:42:44] so that's

[1:42:45] another

[1:42:45] recommendation

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:45] Google

[1:42:47] recommendation

[1:42:47] not bad

[1:42:48] anyway

Dan McCoy

[1:42:51] so that's

[1:42:53] it I mean

[1:42:53] we're all

[1:42:54] obviously

[1:42:54] tired except

[1:42:55] for Elliot

[1:42:56] who but

[1:42:56] then he has

[1:42:57] to travel

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:57] so we

[1:42:58] should

[1:42:58] yeah I

[1:42:59] gotta get

[1:42:59] on a plane

[1:42:59] in a little

[1:43:00] bit so that

[1:43:01] I can go

[1:43:01] back to my

[1:43:02] hometown of

[1:43:02] Los Angeles

[1:43:03] so that I

[1:43:04] can get on a

[1:43:04] plane in a

[1:43:05] few days to

[1:43:06] go to Seattle

[1:43:06] Washington to

[1:43:07] see my best

[1:43:07] bud

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:08] and then

[1:43:10] Dan and I

[1:43:11] have to go to

[1:43:11] Vancouver

[1:43:12] Washington

[1:43:13] no not

[1:43:14] Vancouver

[1:43:14] Washington

[1:43:14] that'd be

[1:43:15] crazy

[1:43:15] we're going to

[1:43:16] Vancouver

[1:43:17] Canada

[1:43:17] and then we're

[1:43:18] going up to

[1:43:19] Alaska

[1:43:19] me and Dan

[1:43:20] that's true

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:21] yeah I'm sorry

[1:43:22] I'm gonna miss

[1:43:22] you guys's

[1:43:23] cruise

[1:43:24] I think it's

[1:43:25] very adorable

[1:43:27] that Dan

[1:43:29] and Stuart

[1:43:29] and Stuart's

[1:43:30] wife are going

[1:43:30] on a cruise

[1:43:31] to Alaska

[1:43:31] together

[1:43:32] and I wonder

[1:43:33] what adventures

[1:43:34] we're gonna have

[1:43:34] four other

[1:43:35] friends with us

[1:43:36] I thought it was

[1:43:36] just the three

[1:43:37] of you guys

[1:43:37] nope

[1:43:37] that's less

[1:43:40] adorable to me

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:40] okay well

[1:43:41] I'm not going

[1:43:43] on vacation

[1:43:43] to please you

[1:43:44] if it makes

Dan McCoy

[1:43:51] you feel any

[1:43:51] better we'll

[1:43:51] plan the next

[1:43:52] vacation based

[1:43:53] on how adorable

[1:43:53] you find things

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:54] yeah yes

[1:43:56] okay good

[1:43:56] I mean I

[1:43:57] would love it

[1:43:58] if if Dan

[1:43:59] and you and

[1:44:00] Stu if you guys

[1:44:00] and and Stuart's

[1:44:02] lovely wife if you

[1:44:02] guys went to

[1:44:03] Japan together

[1:44:03] I would find

[1:44:04] that pretty

[1:44:04] adorable

Dan McCoy

[1:44:05] okay well

[1:44:05] we'll think

[1:44:06] about it

[1:44:06] all right

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:07] but uh

[1:44:08] if we go

[1:44:08] on a vacation

[1:44:09] to Hawaii

[1:44:10] and we get

[1:44:10] mixed up

[1:44:11] in some kind

[1:44:11] of diamond

[1:44:12] smuggling

[1:44:12] operation

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:13] yeah

[1:44:14] or you

[1:44:15] or you

[1:44:16] find us

[1:44:16] some kind

[1:44:16] of enchanted

[1:44:17] tiki doll

[1:44:17] that has a curse

[1:44:18] on it

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:19] oh man

[1:44:19] that'd be great

[1:44:20] and then that

[1:44:20] tiki doll

[1:44:21] comes to life

[1:44:21] and stabs

[1:44:22] one of us

[1:44:22] to death

[1:44:23] wait

[1:44:23] yeah

[1:44:24] exactly

[1:44:24] adorable

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:25] except

[1:44:26] here's the thing

[1:44:26] if the diamond

[1:44:27] heist is because

[1:44:28] you are at a

[1:44:28] resort that's like

[1:44:29] an S&M resort

[1:44:30] I don't need

[1:44:30] to know about

[1:44:31] that

[1:44:31] don't

[1:44:32] I don't know

[1:44:32] don't tell me

[1:44:33] that story

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:34] you always

[1:44:34] you said that

[1:44:35] would make a great

[1:44:35] movie though

[1:44:36] like a movie

[1:44:38] that would be

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:38] it would make

[1:44:39] the beginning

[1:44:39] of my series

[1:44:40] of Dan movies

[1:44:41] I think exit

[1:44:41] to E Dan

[1:44:42] would be a good

[1:44:43] be a good

[1:44:43] starter film

[1:44:44] yeah

[1:44:44] that's the

Dan McCoy

[1:44:46] follow-up to

[1:44:47] Dangerous Liaisons

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:47] okay

[1:44:48] so yeah

[1:44:50] for the

[1:44:51] Flophouse

[1:44:51] he's been

[1:44:52] Dan McCoy

[1:44:52] okay

[1:44:53] I've been

[1:44:54] Stuart Wellington

[1:44:54] listen to the

[1:44:55] MaxFun Podcast

[1:44:56] Network

[1:44:56] and that's it

[1:44:57] peace

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:57] and Elliot Kalin

[1:44:59] also here

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:00] see you soon

[1:45:01] also Elliot Kalin

[1:45:02] don't forget him

Dan McCoy

[1:45:03] all right

[1:45:03] bye bye

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:04] Elliot Kalin

[1:45:05] in your ear

[1:45:05] okay

[1:45:06] deuces

[1:45:07] now two

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:16] Dan the

[1:45:17] moment that

[1:45:17] you hit 50

[1:45:18] did your

[1:45:18] ball sack

[1:45:19] just get

[1:45:19] super long

[1:45:20] I'm not

[1:45:21] 50

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:21] so Dan

[1:45:23] what's it

[1:45:23] like

[1:45:23] you're gonna

[1:45:24] be

[1:45:24] you can get

[1:45:25] the senior

[1:45:25] discount now

[1:45:26] on the bus

[1:45:26] right

[1:45:27] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:45:27] again

[1:45:29] I'm only

[1:45:30] 40

[1:45:30] oh this

[1:45:32] is 40

[1:45:32] yeah

[1:45:33] so how

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:34] many

[1:45:34] so you're

[1:45:34] in an

[1:45:35] unfunny

[1:45:35] semi-improvisational

[1:45:36] film

[1:45:36] aren't you

[1:45:37] real kids

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:38] yeah

[1:45:39] so when you

[1:45:40] turn 50

[1:45:40] and the doctor

[1:45:41] has stuck

[1:45:41] his fingers

[1:45:42] in the

[1:45:42] butthole

[1:45:42] how many

[1:45:43] jokes have

[1:45:44] you planned

[1:45:44] for that

[1:45:45] moment

[1:45:45] maximumfun.org

[1:45:48] comedy and culture

[1:45:49] artist owned

[1:45:50] listener supported

Ep. #261 - The Hurricane Heist

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