Ep. #261 - The Hurricane Heist

[0:00] on this episode we discuss the hurricane heist buckle your seatbelts and seat your buckle belts

[0:30] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy oh wow right out of the gate

[0:37] big energy from dan mccoy i'm your other announcer stewart wellington and i'm your third

[0:43] announcer elliot caylan coming at you live from my in-law's house in northern california

[0:50] yeah this is going to be a weird episode why is it weird well why is this night weird

[0:55] why you gotta make it weird dan stewart is uh tired from a two-day bachelor party he went to

[1:01] i'm tired because i had my birthday party the night before and i'm a little hung over and

[1:06] elliot is in a new place he's at his in-law's house trying to broadcast from there uh-huh and

[1:12] the popeye's chicken delivery guy was 20 minutes late yeah um indeed so i'm still chowing down on

[1:19] it that's all the bones crunch crunch crunch he ate the bones now follow me into the bathroom for

[1:31] the next stage of this the human the human digestive system is a wondrous place um take

[1:40] a trip with us shall you guys so the thing about the thing about the day after a two-day bachelor

[1:46] party uh-huh is that much like alec holland i don't know if i'm actually stewart wellington or

[1:53] if i'm just tequila that believes it's stewart wellington so we'll have to test my blood later

[2:00] and find out i believe this is what the movie the day after was about right uh is that the

[2:05] one with the giant waves and the geo storms no no it's the one where it's a nuclear war

[2:11] yeah okay i think you're thinking of the day after tomorrow uh-huh yeah yeah uh that's monday

[2:17] oh yeah you're thinking of the movie actually it's actually it's tuesday

[2:31] there was supposed to be time now

[2:35] um stewart has become unstuck in time or as it's also known hung over

[2:38] yeah uh yeah so what do we do on this podcast dudes we uh watch a bad movie and then we talk

[2:47] about it uh-huh and this time around we watched a little movie called the hurricane heist oh yeah

[2:52] we wait guys this is the story of the hurricane heist that dick anything all right go on i'll

[2:58] keep going uh step on his bit he was waiting the whole fucking episode

[3:02] all however many minutes we've been recording yeah that's all i have

[3:09] you have written down on your hand it just says dylan parody hurricane heist

[3:17] like dan usually like weird owl write a whole song that's a parody of the original song

[3:21] all i need is the title i mean i mean it's like he did the right dylan and not like kevin dylan

[3:28] you know song parodies are like onion articles once you read the headline you get the idea

[3:32] i mean that is that is true yeah fair point that's as as true as it is not funny to say yeah

[3:41] wow they say comedy is truth but no no they're wrong yeah so dan uh here's my question uh-huh

[3:49] this this movie it promises a heist during a hurricane yes so that's the bar it's gotta clear

[3:56] or was this a some sort of uh metaphorical hurricane like uh like uh yeah like the movie

[4:02] rat race you're like those are people those are not rats yeah and the movie oceans 11 you're like

[4:10] there's not 11 oceans in the world i'm sorry that's just bad geography yeah so are you trying

[4:17] to argue that there wasn't a hurricane during a heist i'm asking you i'm saying oh let's

[4:21] was there a heist during a hurricane dan high energy very defensive already

[4:28] um i believe that it had the usda recommended daily allowance of both hurricane and heist

[4:35] okay that's great i mean i assume the recommended allowance of hurricane is zero

[4:40] that's true maybe that allowance of heist probably depends on what end of the heist you're on

[4:44] probably had more of both than is recommended by the government should we do a disclaimer

[4:49] something saying that hurricanes are terrible and we're not making fun of anybody who has

[4:53] suffered from actual hurricanes because it's a yeah i did feel like fucked over a lot of people

[4:58] after there have been such big horrible hurricanes recently it did take away some of the joy i had in

[5:03] watching the to watch a town being destroyed by hurricane like oh this happened recently many

[5:09] times and thousands of people died this is i don't know if this is a source of amusement for me

[5:15] yeah yeah but you gotta you know you gotta leave your your ethics at the door i guess sure

[5:24] hey look have fun check your ethics at the door who cares yeah although i feel like that's that's

[5:30] the what you have to do for pretty much any action movie because you're getting enjoyment from

[5:34] watching people be killed or hurt so it's like there's a certain amount of having to check your

[5:38] ethics yeah i guess i guess if we're if we were reviewing a movie about i don't know jason vorhees

[5:45] chopping people in half would we have to have a disclaimer about how we know that people actually

[5:51] get chopped in half and it's not funny i don't know yeah look we all know that xenomorphs are

[5:57] real problem i shouldn't get enjoyment from watching john hurt getting his his chest bursted

[6:03] open which was a real problem i mean it happened twice right yeah yeah once i mean that's uh twice

[6:12] who wants who said it once that uh history happens once as tragedy and second as as far

[6:17] as that's what happened with john hurt getting a chest burster first as a tragic death and then

[6:22] as a space balls bit i mean if you count in the order that i watched it it would be the opposite

[6:28] uh but i i think that's a good point we should say that uh hurricanes are a real a real issue

[6:35] that hurts a lot of people so nice work hollywood yeah and using entertainment that having been said

[6:43] let's jump into the heist the hurricane heist that is so the movie begins in a hurricane well

[6:50] what i let the movie the first thing we see is the title card for entertainment studios motion

[6:55] studios motion pictures which was like i don't know whose company that is but it's the most fly

[7:01] by night sounding production company next next to working title it's the most working title

[7:08] yeah someone called them up and was like hey uh so we you you just rented a lot of material and

[7:15] the check bounced uh are you good for the money for that for all these cameras and equipment and

[7:20] they're like yeah yeah yeah what's the name of your company again uh entertainment studios

[7:27] motion pictures okay that's the name of your company yeah sure does it need more words in it

[7:33] no i i don't think it needs more words okay great then that's what it's called thank you for telling

[7:37] me the name of your company do you want to write it down so you can remember it for future situations

[7:42] uh so yeah the first thing we see it's 1992 that's right it's it's year one bjp or before

[7:51] jurassic park 1992 clinton's about to be elected to president george hw bush is leaving office

[7:58] after one term and america is about to learn a new dance called the macarena dan take it away

[8:04] uh slap bracelets are all the rage as a hypercolor sweeps the nation and a little

[8:13] scamp called bart simpson is probably around at that point yes yes he was technically stew 1992

[8:24] now stewart you're often known as 1990 stew uh why is that it's because if you were to be a fly

[8:31] on the wall in a little house in fort wayne indiana you would see a young stewart wellington

[8:39] discovering what it's like to be 12 years old okay so masturbating

[8:46] yeah i guess that's what you'd call it technically

[8:52] all right i want to dig any deeper into this hole

[8:55] yeah and a lot of rad skateboard tricks i assume all of them see being an overweight child i had a

[9:01] really uh complicated center of balance so throw me on a skateboard on wheels and you never know

[9:06] what's gonna happen a complicated center of balance okay guys well we've i think we've

[9:11] adequately set the scene for the movie 1992 and hurricane andrew is hitting the gulf or the south

[9:17] or wherever i don't know where hurricane andrew hit i apologize that's on me i should be more

[9:21] aware of them i'm assuming it's the same place that the rest of the movie takes place in yes

[9:25] which is gulfport what alabama mississippi uh yes alabama alabama and uh so there's a man and his

[9:32] two boys are trying to outrun a hurricane they're caught in it and the younger boy keeps telling the

[9:36] older boy this is all your fault this is your fault they hide in a house but this is the moment

[9:41] that if you were seeing this movie on a date you would lean over to your date and say that's the

[9:47] hurricane and uh this is also sorry this is also just like twister like you can't make a movie like

[9:56] this apparently without showing that the people

[10:00] of the movie have a personal stake in hurricanes and tornadoes.

[10:04] You know, like, it can't just be that they're, like, terrible disasters.

[10:08] And the kids, the kids are, the dad's like, the dad's like, just practice your football plays.

[10:14] So they're just naming football plays and, I guess, talking about them.

[10:18] The boys hide in the house and the dad is running to catch up to them when, oh,

[10:21] a water tower rolls over him and kills him.

[10:25] This death has not really given the weight it deserves considering that the roof

[10:29] of the house is blown off and a human skull appears in the cloud above the boys.

[10:34] That's right.

[10:35] This hurricane is not just any hurricane.

[10:36] It's the angel of death.

[10:38] And that's when Dan goes, radical.

[10:40] I will say, if the movie lived up to that moment, I would have thought a little differently about it.

[10:46] But anyway, cut to his present.

[10:47] I was chomping down on a big bowl of cereal in bed while watching this movie and I spit

[10:51] that cereal all over my wife's side of the bed.

[10:58] Then I covered it with a blanket, thus cleaning the whole mess.

[11:03] And you're like, honey, you always wanted a waterbed.

[11:07] She's like, that doesn't make any sense.

[11:11] Cut to present day and Tropical Storm Tammy is about to hit the Gulf,

[11:16] to hit the town of Gulfport.

[11:17] So Sheriff Dixon, he's making everybody evacuate.

[11:20] He's saying, I don't want any fatalities.

[11:21] I don't want any looters.

[11:22] Mandatory evacuation.

[11:24] But meanwhile, driving right into town.

[11:26] We were being introduced to a lot of characters.

[11:29] And I spent, I don't know if it's because this is one of those action movies that's

[11:32] mixed where all the dialogue is super low and all the everything else is super loud.

[11:38] But I had a lot of trouble figuring out which people were the kids from the beginning.

[11:43] Yes.

[11:44] For a while I'm like, is that Sheriff the dad from the beginning?

[11:48] He doesn't have a big mark on his face from when a water tower hit him.

[11:54] So we're going to meet those kids from the beginning in a moment, but I'll go through

[11:58] some of these characters.

[11:59] So we see there's Officer Corbin, who's an officer of the Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms

[12:04] Department and she's a real bad girl.

[12:06] And she is escorting a convoy of money trucks played by Maggie Grace.

[12:11] And usually when you see Maggie Grace in an action movie, you're like, where's Nicholas

[12:15] Cage?

[12:16] Is he hiding around here somewhere?

[12:17] I thought you were going to say the money trucks are being played by Maggie Grace.

[12:20] Yes.

[12:21] All three of them.

[12:23] That's the kind of range you can show.

[12:25] Three characters in one movie.

[12:26] Dan, what were you going to say?

[12:27] Oh, no.

[12:28] I thought you just meant that usually when you see an action movie starring Maggie Grace,

[12:31] you're watching Lockout.

[12:32] Actually, wait.

[12:33] What is Lockout?

[12:34] I've never seen that movie.

[12:35] Space Jail.

[12:36] Oh, Space Jail.

[12:37] Thank you.

[12:38] You may know it as Space Jail under its official title of Space Jail.

[12:44] That's how I know it.

[12:46] So she shows she doesn't play by the rules.

[12:49] She and her co-driver, whose name is what, Connor, I think, played by Ralph Ennison from

[12:55] the, I think that's how you pronounce his name, from The Witch.

[12:59] And he's also Ricky Gervais's friend on The British Office.

[13:03] Oh, yeah.

[13:04] I forgot about that.

[13:05] I mean, those are the bona fides of an action hero.

[13:08] Yeah.

[13:09] Well, they show their real action heroes by, there's a whole line of cars that are being

[13:14] forced to evacuate from the town.

[13:16] They just drive their trucks straight through that traffic jam.

[13:19] Oh, yeah.

[13:20] Because they're in a hurry.

[13:21] They've got to get a load of old money to the shredder at the Treasury Department.

[13:26] That old money needs to be shredded before the hurricane hits.

[13:28] Now, when you say they have to get it to a shredder, you're not talking about the villain

[13:31] from the Ninja Turtles franchise.

[13:33] That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[13:34] Oroku Saki is going to be there, and he's going to use that money as a down payment

[13:38] on a new Technodrome because they're very expensive.

[13:40] Oh, wow.

[13:41] And they just let you pay for those in cash?

[13:43] I feel like they'd require some kind of credit check or something.

[13:47] I mean, if you have the cash, then you don't need credit.

[13:49] Oh, wow.

[13:50] Okay.

[13:51] You've got, like, $7 billion in cash.

[13:55] So the shredder is broken at the Treasury Building, so it goes into a fancy vault.

[14:00] Meanwhile, who's our other hero?

[14:02] Well, get ready to meet Will, a climate scientist who's in Gulfport sending up drones.

[14:07] He thinks the storm's going to be worse than the bureaucrats in Washington say.

[14:11] He can smell it's going to be bad, and this down-home good old boy meteorologist, he knows

[14:15] what's up.

[14:16] The storm is going to be a real stewbreaker.

[14:19] He's got, like, a more southern accent than I think I've heard in, like, as a hero in

[14:25] a major movie.

[14:26] I mean, this is not a major movie, but they put a lot of money into it.

[14:29] And what about Forrest Gump, Dan?

[14:31] I guess you got me there.

[14:33] Good point.

[14:34] Good point.

[14:35] I guess you got me there, Stu.

[14:36] What about Con Air, Dan?

[14:37] I'm not complaining about it.

[14:38] I thought it was kind of interesting.

[14:39] What about a face in the crowd, Dan?

[14:42] Because you don't normally, like, hear a bunch of different types of voices in movies.

[14:47] Like, everyone has to sort of talk very, like, clearly, so it was kind of an interesting

[14:50] choice, I thought.

[14:51] Yeah.

[14:52] I mean, I'm so happy that the hero in the movie was not a guy from the tri-state area

[14:56] or Boston with a heavy, like, neighborhood accent.

[15:01] Yeah.

[15:02] But also, I don't know.

[15:03] There's a certain amount of...

[15:04] I feel like there's a certain genre of actors pretending to be southern in movies.

[15:08] You have, like, your Hell or Highwaters and things like that.

[15:12] Although maybe that's more the West than the South.

[15:15] But this guy, he does, like...

[15:17] He does not strike me as either a movie star or an action star.

[15:20] It does feel like they just got some guy to play the part.

[15:23] And I don't know who the actor is.

[15:25] Dan, Stuart, you guys are good at this.

[15:26] Who is it?

[15:27] Yeah, Dan.

[15:28] It's, uh...

[15:29] Yahoo...

[15:30] Yep.

[15:31] Serious.

[15:32] I mean, that sounds like a real name.

[15:37] Impossible to check that one out.

[15:42] And so this character, Will, he's one of the brothers from earlier in the movie.

[15:47] And he's...

[15:48] Ever since his dad was killed by a hurricane, he's had one goal, to save people from hurricanes.

[15:53] That's right.

[15:54] He's the Batman of hurricanes.

[15:56] Because when he was...

[15:57] He was a rich guy and he was like, hmm, hurricanes are a superstitious and cowardly lot.

[16:02] What shall I dress as to scare them?

[16:03] And a weatherman flew through his window and he said, that's it.

[16:06] I shall be a meteorologist.

[16:08] And instead of a Batmobile, I'll get an armored dune buggy.

[16:12] Which he calls the Dominator.

[16:14] And it's like, uh...

[16:15] Yeah, throughout the movie, people are like, this thing's built like a tank, which makes

[16:19] sense.

[16:20] It's built to withstand a hurricane.

[16:21] It's built like a tank, but I hate to jump forward.

[16:25] It's built like a tank, however, the first time somebody shoots at it, it knocks out

[16:29] its satellite array.

[16:31] Yes.

[16:32] Although it does come with what appear to be, as we find out later on, razor sharp hubcaps

[16:35] that can be thrown like batarangs to lodge in bad guys' chests.

[16:41] Don't skip to the best part of the movie.

[16:43] Okay.

[16:44] So anyway, two technicians come in, some computer guys, to fix the shredding software at the

[16:50] Treasury Department.

[16:51] You know they're evil.

[16:52] It kind of looks like the one technician is wearing an evening dress.

[16:57] Yeah.

[16:58] Yes, she is.

[16:59] And you know they're evil because they're way overdressed and one of them is English.

[17:02] And they are way, they're like way more attractive than they should be for those parts.

[17:06] And these are, we'll find out later, they are the computer hackers in love who commit

[17:11] computer crimes while wearing evening wear.

[17:14] And they're always turning each other on with their hacker talk.

[17:17] Anyway.

[17:18] Yeah.

[17:19] So, I mean, it's been a while since I've worked in an office, guys.

[17:23] When you call for tech support, is that usually who shows up?

[17:27] Yeah, yeah.

[17:28] There's usually a young woman in an off-the-shoulder cocktail dress and a British man in a three-piece

[17:32] suit.

[17:33] And they talk to each other in super hacker code.

[17:36] I mean, there's the part, this is one of those movies that actually has a scene where a character

[17:41] explains something about a computer program and the other bad guy goes, English.

[17:45] And they have to say like, well, it's going to take three more hours, something like that.

[17:49] Like the old, say it in English, please.

[17:51] We get that old chestnut later on.

[17:54] So yes, very accurate rendition of tech support.

[17:57] Okay.

[17:58] So, we get a little bit of a personal moment with Agent Corbin.

[18:03] She's reminded that she screwed up a mission in the past and someone got hurt.

[18:06] She is reminded about this on a FaceTime call in a vault in a hurricane.

[18:12] She's getting perfect FaceTime reception.

[18:14] I live in a regular...

[18:15] AT&T, you know.

[18:16] Can you hear me now?

[18:18] You bet I can, underground in a vault during a storm.

[18:23] And she's suspicious.

[18:25] Something seems not right about her, about what's going on.

[18:28] So she resets the lock for the vault.

[18:30] It has like a 36 number combination.

[18:33] She resets it.

[18:34] But then, uh-oh, the phones get cut at the treasury and their backup generator won't

[18:38] start up.

[18:39] She's got to go out and get the backup generator repairman and who could that be?

[18:43] But weather scientist Will's brother, Breeze.

[18:46] Oh boy, it's his older brother, Breeze.

[18:50] It took me a minute to go over to IMDb and double check that his name is Breeze.

[18:56] Which seems a little on the nose, but it's also like, I wonder if Will was mad that he's

[19:00] the meteorologist and his name's not Breeze, which is really going to hurt his TV career.

[19:04] They're both named after their character-defining traits.

[19:08] Will has a very powerful will and Breeze can fly.

[19:13] He's a bad boy.

[19:20] He's a slob and Will cannot get him to evacuate because he's having a whiskey for breakfast.

[19:26] It took me a little while to remember where I saw this actor in, and it's because he didn't

[19:32] take his shirt off, because this is the guy who was the brother on True Blood, who was

[19:39] just so shredded.

[19:40] Like that guy.

[19:41] Oh man, it was crazy.

[19:42] Well, I was going to say, this guy seems like an off-brand, southern, low-rent Hemsworth.

[19:47] I mean, he's Australian, so that's probably why.

[19:51] He's got that magical Australian torso.

[19:54] They all look like that.

[19:56] What are they feeding them down there, kangaroo blood?

[20:00] Every Australian man who wants to become an actor,

[20:02] he has to spend his time in the bush with the kangaroo,

[20:05] and all that hopping really works on your core

[20:08] and on your abs, and you just get shredded.

[20:11] Yeah, I mean, it's just like how Paul Hogan

[20:14] was just so perfectly defined.

[20:16] Mm-hmm.

[20:18] Like, every muscle.

[20:18] Oh, yeah, chiseled.

[20:20] And young Sirius, mentioned earlier.

[20:23] I mean, every time that young Einstein took his shirt off,

[20:26] it was like, whoa, equals MC abs.

[20:30] What if Albert Einstein had been really built?

[20:37] Like, he was a famous scientist, and he

[20:40] was like a world-class bodybuilder.

[20:41] Do you think that would have made the Nazis think twice?

[20:44] I feel like that's going to be the next time somebody makes

[20:46] an Albert Einstein movie, is he'll

[20:49] like be getting in bare-knuckle fist fights,

[20:51] like the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes movie.

[20:54] He's using physics.

[20:55] Calculating the trajectory of punches.

[20:59] But his calculations are so complicated.

[21:02] He's like, OK, so if I bring in the speed of light, pow,

[21:05] he gets punched in the face.

[21:06] OK, OK, shake it off, Einstein.

[21:07] All right, OK, so if I was riding a beam of light, bam.

[21:11] Oh, OK, wow, OK, I'm seeing stars now.

[21:14] Anyway, so he gets too into the math.

[21:18] OK, guys, we're just about to get

[21:20] to the crux of the movie, the titular heist,

[21:22] because crooks shoot their way into the facility.

[21:25] Ah, and it turns out Connor, Corbin's co-driver,

[21:28] was actually the leader of the crooks.

[21:30] He was their inside man.

[21:33] Now, the crooks only shoot tranquilizer darts

[21:34] because they want to rob this with zero casualties.

[21:37] But they start killing people pretty quickly

[21:39] when things start going south.

[21:41] Yeah, but I mean, it is like enough to be like,

[21:44] you kind of are on the crook side a little bit

[21:46] at this point.

[21:47] You're just like, you know, they're not killing anybody.

[21:49] And that money is going to get shredded anyway.

[21:50] So what's the harm?

[21:52] That's true.

[21:52] They're about, their big plan is they're

[21:54] going to steal $600 million of money that's

[21:56] being taken out of circulation.

[21:58] And so, hey, that money is just going

[22:00] to be destroyed anyway, right?

[22:01] So that's not going to hurt anybody.

[22:03] Wrong, Dan.

[22:04] $600 million extra dollars in the economy,

[22:06] that's going to lead to a certain amount of inflation.

[22:08] What does inflation lead to?

[22:10] Unemployment.

[22:11] What does unemployment lead to?

[22:12] Trump being elected president.

[22:14] So you see, Dan, how maybe these heisters aren't so good

[22:16] after all.

[22:16] OK.

[22:18] I didn't know that that was the problem with Wisconsin.

[22:20] I mean, that's a pretty straight line, Dan.

[22:22] You just got to follow the clues.

[22:23] And you know what?

[22:25] The thing is, you know what caused that hurricane?

[22:27] A butterfly flapped its wings in Asia.

[22:29] So it's like, thanks a lot, butterfly.

[22:31] Now Trump's president because of your stupid fucking wings.

[22:33] Yeah, it was like, Ash and Kutcher,

[22:35] go back in time and fix that butterfly you fucked up.

[22:38] Yeah.

[22:40] Somebody step on that butterfly so that dinosaurs

[22:42] evolve into super people or something.

[22:44] I don't remember the story too well.

[22:47] I was referring to a Sound of Thunder.

[22:49] A Sound of Thunder, yeah, sure.

[22:51] I know, we watched that movie for the podcast.

[22:53] I wasn't there for that episode, though.

[22:56] OK, guys.

[22:57] We should go back in time and fix that.

[23:00] Yeah, we should.

[23:01] Somebody get a butterfly in here.

[23:03] Does that mean I'd have to watch it again?

[23:07] So Agent Corbin, who I'm just going to say,

[23:10] is it weird that an alcohol, tobacco and firearms

[23:13] agent was escorting money?

[23:15] Shouldn't that be a Secret Service agent job?

[23:17] Because the Secret Service is part of the Treasury

[23:19] Department, Dan.

[23:21] So the Secret Service are busy in getting prostitutes

[23:26] to South America right now.

[23:28] OK, topical.

[23:29] So.

[23:32] Dan, with all the hits of 2010.

[23:35] You think they stopped doing that?

[23:36] Come on.

[23:37] What's the taste of the South American prostitutes?

[23:40] Oh, gross.

[23:42] So, yeah, where are we at?

[23:44] So Corbin.

[23:46] So Agent Corbin meets Will and Breeze,

[23:48] takes Breeze back to the Treasury facility.

[23:50] And we learn on the drive over that Breeze is a former high

[23:53] school football star and an Iraq war veteran.

[23:55] Of course he is.

[23:56] He's going to need that later when

[23:58] he's part of the team that takes on these heisters.

[24:01] And the hackers find out that the vault code's been changed.

[24:04] This is going to add some time to their heist.

[24:05] They weren't planning for that.

[24:06] Uh-oh.

[24:09] The crooks capture Breeze and Will

[24:12] helps Corbin escape a shootout in his weather

[24:14] tank in the town plaza.

[24:16] This is one of several shootouts where the bad guys,

[24:18] despite there being more of them and them having bigger guns,

[24:21] seemingly they're so outclassed they always

[24:23] seem to fail and lose one or two of their guys

[24:26] during these fights.

[24:26] So in this initial shootout, when Maggie Grace is running

[24:30] from, Agent Corbin is running from the villains,

[24:34] the villains need to capture her, right?

[24:36] Do they know they need to capture her at this point

[24:38] because she's the one who has the code?

[24:40] I think so.

[24:41] They know.

[24:41] Actually, I don't know if they know yet

[24:43] that she's the one with the code.

[24:43] Yeah, because they're firing live ammunition

[24:45] and that seems insane.

[24:47] But this is the moment when you know

[24:48] it's going to be kind of a bad action movie

[24:50] because she jumps over the lip of a, I don't know,

[24:56] some kind of a fence.

[24:58] And you see the bullets erupt against the wall,

[25:01] like the squibs that were buried in the wall explode.

[25:04] And it's basically where she was at.

[25:06] There is no way those bullets would not have shot her.

[25:10] It was just a very lazy, like a lazy stunt.

[25:15] Yeah, I think there's a lot of what

[25:17] I would call like direct-to-DVD level gunfighting,

[25:21] except that direct-to-DVD action movies have

[25:23] been in a renaissance lately.

[25:25] So maybe that's not fair to them.

[25:26] Yeah, if Scott Adkins showed up and just

[25:28] started like kicking everybody, that would have been amazing.

[25:31] Yeah, that would have been.

[25:32] They would have called this Hurricane Kick.

[25:34] Yeah, I mean, that's a thing, right?

[25:35] Isn't that what Ken does in the Street Fighter series, Dan?

[25:39] That sounds familiar to me.

[25:41] No, no, that's what Ken from the Barbie Doll series does.

[25:44] Oh, OK.

[25:45] Yeah, the Hurricane Kick.

[25:47] Yeah, that's where he kicks a glass featuring

[25:49] the alcoholic hurricane beverage into somebody's hand,

[25:52] and then they drink it.

[25:53] The thing is, when you don't have any genitals,

[25:57] like there's like the range of motion for your kicking

[25:59] is vastly improved.

[26:00] Dan knows this from experience.

[26:02] Oh, yeah.

[26:03] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[26:06] I can't believe I went there.

[26:09] Did you just hear a gunshot from me?

[26:12] Stuart Law is dead.

[26:15] Dan says, I told you not to tell anyone

[26:17] about my genital-less genitals.

[26:19] Who done it?

[26:22] Hollywood game night, right?

[26:25] Elliot, we don't have the video chat on,

[26:28] so there's no witnesses.

[26:30] That's not really how witnesses work.

[26:32] Archie looks over and starts trying

[26:34] to make himself look small.

[26:39] So we solved that mystery, the mystery of the missing Stuart.

[26:42] He was killed by Dan.

[26:43] OK, guys, it looks like so Breeze gets captured.

[26:48] They're going to ask him to fix the generator.

[26:50] And Corbin and Will are together now.

[26:53] What?

[26:54] Like there's multiple characters who

[26:57] are the only person who can complete a job.

[27:00] Like I feel like this is why you diversify your training

[27:03] to kind of spread out your skill set amongst multiple people.

[27:06] But that's just me, you know?

[27:07] That's just me thinking like a boss.

[27:09] That's just a management technique from Stuart.

[27:11] Hurricane heist?

[27:12] Maybe you should take Stuart's management training seminar.

[27:15] Diversify and diversity, how different types

[27:18] of people who can do different types of things

[27:20] can make your business do one thing great.

[27:22] And that is make money.

[27:24] Hi, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[27:25] This is my seminar.

[27:27] That's the full title.

[27:28] OK, yeah.

[27:30] Can we do it as like an acronym or something?

[27:35] Yeah, it would be I don't remember what the words were.

[27:38] So I guess Flophouse listeners, write

[27:40] into Stuart's business seminar acronym, care of Dan McCoy,

[27:44] Brooklyn, New York, USA Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, Earth 616.

[27:49] And tell us what that acronym would be, you know?

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:53] And what are the winners of that contest get, Dan?

[27:55] Yeah, it's been a while since we've done a contest.

[27:58] I'll send them a nice personalized postcard.

[28:03] That seems like actually more work

[28:05] than you usually put into things.

[28:06] Flophouse.

[28:08] This is good for one listener only.

[28:13] Guys, well, that's usually how contests work.

[28:15] Usually there's one winner for a contest.

[28:18] I mean, the lottery will have multiple winners

[28:20] if they pick the same numbers.

[28:21] But usually in a contest, there's

[28:23] something called a grand prize that a winner gets.

[28:25] I'm trying to cut down on the number of people

[28:27] who actually were going to try and demand this bullshit

[28:29] that Stuart pulled out of me.

[28:32] So yeah, I mean, you could have just said no.

[28:37] Yeah, and Dan, I'm going to deliberately

[28:40] avoid making a joke on the phrasing of Stuart

[28:42] pulling bullshit out of you.

[28:44] Because who knows what scenario that would lead us to.

[28:46] And we don't need that right now.

[28:48] We've got a hurricane to heist.

[28:49] OK, so Corbin and Will, they go to the sheriff

[28:52] to get him to help them.

[28:53] But uh-oh, he's in on the heist too.

[28:55] And he's firing a shotgun at them.

[28:58] They escape.

[28:58] There's a car chase and a rainstorm.

[29:00] And I'll just say this.

[29:01] When Will's driving that weather tank,

[29:03] his fake driving is super fake.

[29:05] I wish there was a little bit of video chat.

[29:07] But it's the thing people do where

[29:08] they're constantly moving the wheel even when

[29:11] the car is driving straight.

[29:14] My favorite one is when people are just very obviously never

[29:18] paying attention to the road.

[29:19] It just stresses me out so much.

[29:23] At that point, I'm always like, wait a minute.

[29:25] Did I accidentally put Final Destination into the DVD player?

[29:30] Am I going to get a Final Destination scenario?

[29:32] You're like, no.

[29:32] OK, it's still Modern Family.

[29:34] That's what I thought.

[29:35] All right.

[29:36] So there's a car chase and a rainstorm.

[29:39] And Corbin runs out of bullets.

[29:40] So there's only one thing they can do.

[29:41] She runs out of bullets because she is like,

[29:43] they're driving around in a rainstorm.

[29:45] And she's just hanging out the window firing indiscriminately.

[29:50] She's like, I only had six bullets.

[29:51] And I fired them all real quick.

[29:54] I wanted to throw them away.

[29:55] So he stops the tank that he's in.

[29:58] And he has these spikes that go up.

[30:00] go down to the ground to protect it from hurricane winds,

[30:02] and he just lets the bad guy's car slam into them.

[30:07] The bad guys, and the tank takes a little bit of damage,

[30:09] but the bad guys take even more.

[30:11] And Corbyn runs over to the bad guy's car and goes,

[30:13] hey, what's up with you guys?

[30:14] And then steals their guns and runs away.

[30:16] And I like the, I mean, like the way you make it sound,

[30:21] like she's like skirting like a mouse.

[30:23] I really like the vision of it.

[30:24] I mean, she kind of is.

[30:27] So now what happens Elliot?

[30:29] There's a bunch of tech talk and they realize,

[30:32] hey, the hackers need some kind of communication dish

[30:35] to get the new code so they can hack the vault.

[30:38] So if they can use the weather truck's winch

[30:41] to pull down the antenna that the communication device is on

[30:45] then they can stop the bad guys from getting the new code.

[30:48] So they go off and do that.

[30:49] This involves Will having to get out

[30:50] and climb a ladder in a storm

[30:52] as debris is flying all around him.

[30:53] Yeah, he's got like this big chain going from,

[30:58] or like a big, you know, metal cord going from a-

[31:02] From the Dominator.

[31:04] From, well, from a vehicle to like a high building

[31:07] during a storm and for all the world,

[31:09] it just looks like the end of like Back to the Future.

[31:12] Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[31:14] Yeah, except without the fun.

[31:15] Yeah, without the fun.

[31:16] They did one of those funectomies on it.

[31:20] If you wanted to watch Back to the Future

[31:22] and you don't like fun or incest,

[31:24] then Hurricane Heist

[31:24] has a little bit of what you're looking for.

[31:28] I'm glad you made those two discreet elements.

[31:31] But you know, if you still do like, if you like incest,

[31:34] you can always write fanfic about the brothers.

[31:36] Like that, you got that option open to you, but.

[31:39] Very fair, yeah, you can ship those two brothers.

[31:41] Yeah.

[31:42] I mean, they, they'll, that's some,

[31:43] I'm sure there's tons of Hurricane Heist fanfic out there

[31:46] with just every permutation of characters in a relationship.

[31:49] Okay, so they're gonna, but then the bad guys see them

[31:52] and they come by, ah,

[31:53] and there's like shooting and crashing and exploding.

[31:56] To be honest, I totally could not fully keep track

[31:58] of what the general specifics were

[32:01] of what's going on in this fight.

[32:02] Yep.

[32:04] But the hackers start receiving the code

[32:05] and the good guys pull down the tower

[32:07] just as the bad guys are about to get

[32:09] the last number of the code.

[32:11] Ah, so close.

[32:12] No.

[32:13] And this is the fight.

[32:14] This is the fight with the aforementioned

[32:15] razor sharp hubcap frisbees.

[32:17] Dan, would you like to describe them?

[32:19] No, I just, they, he like knocks,

[32:21] are they from his card?

[32:23] Or did he just like knock them over?

[32:24] No, no, I have no idea.

[32:25] They're at like a,

[32:26] They're at like a tow yard.

[32:27] I think they might even be at a,

[32:28] Is that what it was?

[32:29] Yeah.

[32:30] He like knocks over a thing.

[32:31] He's like, the woman, Maggie Grace is like,

[32:33] you don't have any bullets, you don't have a gun,

[32:34] what are you gonna do?

[32:35] And he's like, I'll leave it to me.

[32:36] And he like runs over.

[32:38] I'm a meteorologist.

[32:39] I can, anything's a weapon in my hands.

[32:41] Yeah, he knocks this thing down.

[32:43] He's a PhD, dude.

[32:44] He just starts whipping like hubcap after hubcap

[32:47] at these guys.

[32:48] One of them embeds himself in the sky.

[32:51] And this is the first time in the movie

[32:53] where I laughed so hard that I almost passed out.

[32:56] He's not even, he's not even throwing them at them.

[33:00] He's just tossing them into the wind.

[33:02] And he's like, breeze, do your thing.

[33:06] He's like, Aeolus, I pray to you,

[33:09] carry this hubcap to my target.

[33:12] It's a little bit like when you blow

[33:14] like a dandelion puff ball,

[33:16] and it's just the wind is just gonna take those seeds

[33:19] where it may so that they land.

[33:20] But this time it's hubcaps into a man's chest.

[33:23] And it's just like, wait, hold on a second.

[33:25] What are we doing in this movie?

[33:29] But that is the best moment in the movie.

[33:31] I wish the movie had followed that lead a little bit more

[33:34] and just gotten super crazy.

[33:36] Because every time it's about to get super crazy,

[33:38] it like goes, it like pulls itself back a little bit.

[33:41] Pumps or breaks.

[33:42] It's like, oh, wait a minute.

[33:43] People might not take this heist

[33:45] during a hurricane seriously enough

[33:47] if we keep doing these things.

[33:49] Does this, this leads to the bad guys getting mad

[33:52] that the good guys get away.

[33:55] And then they orchestrate an exchange

[33:58] between Breeze and Agent Corbin, maybe?

[34:02] Is that what?

[34:03] Oh, well, before that happens,

[34:04] let me just tell two things.

[34:06] One is that Agent Corbin and Will,

[34:08] they've been bonding every now and then.

[34:09] They banter while both urinating

[34:11] in behind different pillars of a,

[34:14] I don't know, is it a bridge or a parking garage?

[34:17] And it's just very funny this moment

[34:18] where it's just like the two heroes are just peeing.

[34:22] They're just talking to each other while peeing.

[34:24] I mean, I appreciate that they acknowledge the fact,

[34:27] like, you know what, in the middle of all this,

[34:29] we gotta take a whiz.

[34:30] Yeah, and I mean, that was another,

[34:32] like again, if they went with that kind of moment more,

[34:34] it's a little bit like,

[34:36] I remember someone saying about the show 24

[34:38] that they wanted there to be an episode

[34:39] where he just runs into a bathroom and for a full minute,

[34:41] he's just peeing and then he runs out again.

[34:43] Because if that's 24 hours,

[34:44] he's gonna have to use the bathroom at some point.

[34:46] Yeah, he's gonna have to eat regularly

[34:48] because he's doing all that action.

[34:49] He's burning cows.

[34:51] Oh yeah, he's like the Flash.

[34:52] He has to eat pizza after pizza to keep his calories up

[34:55] so that he can keep running.

[34:57] Then there's a moment where the sheriff and his deputies,

[35:00] they briefly get into an argument with Connor

[35:03] and Connor kills the sheriff and the deputies join him.

[35:05] This is one of those moments where like,

[35:07] I think they're basically, one,

[35:08] just getting rid of an extraneous character, the sheriff.

[35:11] And two, the actor playing the sheriff

[35:14] gets to monologue a little bit about like,

[35:16] you think this is, you know,

[35:18] we see people getting rich everywhere.

[35:20] Now it's our turn for a piece of the pie,

[35:22] that kind of stuff.

[35:23] And I feel like that's the moment where the actor was like,

[35:26] all right, I'll do this job.

[35:27] Like, write me a speech.

[35:28] But okay, so they announce

[35:30] they're gonna exchange prisoners.

[35:32] Corbin says she'll trade herself for Breeze

[35:35] and this other hostage Moreno who runs the facility

[35:38] and I've been ignoring him up till now

[35:40] because he doesn't really do anything

[35:41] through most of the movie.

[35:42] He just looks like sad or kind of disappointed in himself

[35:47] most of the time.

[35:48] Because he thinks he should be the hero of the movie.

[35:50] Yeah. Sure.

[35:52] He's like, oh, I'm kind of in charge of this.

[35:54] I should be the one who's like Air Force One-ing these guys

[35:57] and like, get out of my office.

[35:58] But instead he's just a hostage.

[36:00] Yeah, he keeps like waiting for his moment

[36:02] and it's just not happening.

[36:03] It's like when you're at a party and you're like,

[36:06] I wanna make my move on that cute Dan McCoy.

[36:08] He seems so aloof in the corner over there.

[36:13] Yeah.

[36:14] Petting the cat.

[36:15] And then it's just, you miss your chance

[36:16] and he walks out by himself sighing.

[36:19] Or like, it's that the, you know,

[36:22] we're all the hero of our own life story,

[36:24] but except for Moreno, who is not.

[36:28] Corbin is the hero of his life story.

[36:29] Yeah, he's just happy to be invited.

[36:31] And before, while they're planning the prisoner exchange

[36:33] over walkies talkie, Will manages to tell Breeze

[36:37] that he loves him.

[36:38] And that's the first,

[36:39] it looks like the ice between these two brothers,

[36:41] as Christopher Walken said in the Dead Zone,

[36:43] is gonna melt.

[36:45] The deputies, they have their hand off.

[36:47] They do it at like an abandoned mall.

[36:48] I'm gonna have to double check that that actually happened.

[36:51] Yeah.

[36:54] The deputies, they come to hand over Breeze,

[36:56] but not Moreno.

[36:57] And this is when Casey and Will-

[37:00] By handing over Breeze,

[37:01] you're talking about the character, not the wind.

[37:04] No, not the wind.

[37:07] In a bag.

[37:08] No, they don't have the cask of winters

[37:09] or anything like that.

[37:12] They managed like a Greek god

[37:14] to capture the wind in a sack.

[37:18] So they're gonna hand over Breeze, the brother,

[37:21] in exchange for Corbin.

[37:22] But Corbin and Will have a little plan up their sleeve.

[37:24] And by little plan, I mean the craziest plan ever.

[37:27] Because Corbin shoots out the glass roof of the mall.

[37:31] The wind sucks the deputies out like a vacuum.

[37:34] Luckily, Will and Corbin are already wearing

[37:36] some kind of like water skiing harness.

[37:38] Yeah, they went to Dick's Sporting Goods

[37:39] and they got like a base jumping harness.

[37:43] Yeah, so they're whipping around in the storm

[37:45] like a pair of kites.

[37:47] They look like CGI balloons and it is hilarious.

[37:50] This is the second time that I laughed so hard

[37:51] I was patched out, so.

[37:54] And meanwhile, Breeze saves himself by, I don't know.

[37:57] I don't know.

[37:59] I think he just holds on really tight.

[38:01] He just holds on, because he's got what, spider powers?

[38:04] He doesn't need to stick to any surface.

[38:05] I mean, he like, didn't he like,

[38:08] didn't the meteorologist?

[38:09] He was the captain of the football team, dude.

[38:11] Yeah, didn't the meteorologist signal him by like?

[38:15] He goes like, blue, 42, 22.

[38:17] Yeah, so what football play is that?

[38:19] That we're gonna blow out the ceiling

[38:21] and the wind is gonna.

[38:22] He's gonna hold on tight to a pillar as the wind.

[38:24] And later, they use this, I think the same football play

[38:28] later means, use our trucks to crash into another truck.

[38:31] Yeah, I remember both those plays from Tecmo Bowl.

[38:34] You know, where you have to pick

[38:36] one of four different plays.

[38:38] I gotta say, if one of the football plays

[38:41] was shoot out the roof and wind blows the players away,

[38:43] I'd watch football.

[38:44] I mean, it's very similar to my usual strategy

[38:47] in Tecmo Bowl, which is, take a shotgun hike,

[38:50] just run back as far as possible and long vomit

[38:53] and hope that Jerry Rice catches it in the end zone.

[38:58] What if you're not playing a team that Jerry Rice is on?

[39:01] That's insane.

[39:02] The fucking 49ers were by far the best team in that game.

[39:05] And for some reason, Bo Jackson was the best running back

[39:08] in the universe.

[39:10] Well, because he could also use his baseball skills.

[39:12] That's true.

[39:12] Those are your Tecmo Bowl tips from old Stu.

[39:15] Yeah, Tecmo Bowl tips.

[39:17] Play the 49ers or maybe the Raiders.

[39:22] So, Breeze saves himself and then Corbin,

[39:27] but he just kind of disappears for a while, right?

[39:30] Yeah, he just disappears.

[39:32] So, for all Corbin and Will know, Breeze is dead.

[39:35] They're like, well, that worked out okay.

[39:37] But they managed to take a moment to bond

[39:39] over some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

[39:42] It's a little character moment.

[39:44] And Corbin says, okay, here's what we need to do.

[39:46] Set off a car bomb when they're trying

[39:49] to escape with the money.

[39:50] And Will is like, okay, yeah, let's do that.

[39:52] So, this is a plan that-

[39:54] Although he objects when he learns

[39:57] that they're gonna use his car.

[39:58] Well, there's a lot of-

[40:00] Complications here cuz she based her entire argument that they should do it on the fact that Timothy McVeigh did it

[40:08] So that's weird like it worked once

[40:12] She's like she's like hey look are we better are we above doing what Timothy McVeigh did who are we to just say?

[40:17] We're better than Timothy McVeigh, but it's also it's there's a certain thing that happens in old science fiction where?

[40:24] They'll someone will suggest they'll it'll very as if it's very logical. They'll suggest something crazy

[40:29] They're like hmm the aliens all sounded like they were talking backwards

[40:33] Well, the only explanation is that we're in some sort of reverse time warp it does it's never existed before yeah

[40:39] You're right, and the audience is supposed to go with it and her idea that she's like okay

[40:43] They're gonna drive out of here using the eye of the storm the calm of it to shield their trucks from the hurricane

[40:50] Hmm I guess the only way to stop them and of course we have to stop them

[40:54] But even no matter how many lives it takes because we can't let that that old money get out well

[40:59] I mean and the only way to do it is to explode a car bomb right next to that's the other thing like her argument

[41:05] Keeps being we need to stop them because once they have the money

[41:10] They'll just kill the hostages

[41:12] So like if they're gonna use a car bomb

[41:16] First off she doesn't she doesn't say that she's like a demolitions expert or anything she just cites a famous case of demolition

[41:23] but then

[41:25] You know she's like. Oh, she's like we got to build a nuclear

[41:28] We got to build an atomic bomb it worked on Japan didn't it like yeah, right good point

[41:32] So is she just saying like well?

[41:34] They're gonna get the money anyway and kill all those people so we can just use a bomb who gives a shit

[41:37] Or if they were to get the money and then drive out with the hostages that she just be blowing up the hostage

[41:43] It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, that's true anyway

[41:48] Luckily this is a narrative cult

[41:50] Yes, because they go to use the Dominator. Yeah, who is the hero of the movie up to this point?

[41:56] Yeah, why would you blow that up?

[41:58] Yeah, well, I mean even Mad Max blew up the last of the Interceptors. You know when he had to yeah

[42:06] I just it just doesn't make sense. I just I mean love that Dominator

[42:10] Will say the Interceptor did come back in the third movie after he blew it up right no anyway

[42:15] Maybe it's the second to last of the Interceptors

[42:19] So they go to a greenhouse to pick up some fertilizer to make their Timothy McVeigh inspired car bomb

[42:25] But then a wave surge smashes through the greenhouse. Oh, no and the bad guys are there, too

[42:30] They confront them and waves smash through and breeze saves will in a motorboat like he's Sean Penn in New Orleans or something

[42:37] Will washes up on something and he he is saved from drowning and when he climbs atop the rocky atoll

[42:44] He believes has saved his life. It is in fact the wreck of his Dominator in one line

[42:52] The Dominator says remember me

[42:56] Dominator goes earn this and then breathes his last I'm cold will

[43:02] Do I get to be a hero this time?

[43:05] You know you dominated everything Dominator Dominate you got to dominate this time no my dominating days are early are over

[43:12] What's that grandma Dominator? Is that you?

[43:15] coming to the light

[43:18] Yeah

[43:21] No any death no, I don't dead Dominator jokes

[43:26] How many dead Dominators?

[43:29] Does it take I'm I'm thirsty. I'm so cold and thirsty

[43:34] Well, you're surrounded by water Dominator is this some kind of weird syphilis thing

[43:38] Or wait, no tantalus. Damn it. No

[43:42] And you know what Stuart I give you credit because you corrected yourself on that. That's fine. Okay, cool

[43:47] So it's okay of all that. Oh, yeah, I get partial credit on the joke. How long yeah, exactly

[43:52] You get a B plus on that

[43:53] How long is it before we see a like oceans 11 type thing where it's all the all the heroes who are stuck in?

[44:00] Hades and with ironic punishments are gonna break out of Hades. So it's like tantalus Sisyphus Prometheus

[44:06] They've all got a like together to break out. Yes was stuck in Hades for a while. I

[44:12] Mean, they all were eventually like, you know, Odysseus just came down to visit for a little bit. Uh-huh. Yep, Orvias his wife

[44:19] And yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you ready to see she's down there. Oh, yeah. She's the babe. She's she's the the babe of the group

[44:25] So

[44:27] Sisyphus would be what the strong man. He's your muscle. Yeah, of course

[44:31] Tantalus if Prometheus is like the tech guy because he has fire

[44:35] These technologies is you're like you're you're fuck-up hero who was a hero. Yeah, but he's like, you know

[44:42] He's he's weak-willed. He's a wreck of himself and he's got to find his inner hero again. Yeah

[44:50] And tantalus is like what like the goofy nerd that can never get what he wants

[44:55] You know, he's always dead like oh so close. That's his catchphrase. Yeah

[45:00] That's I think that should definitely be tantalus. His catchphrase is so close

[45:05] Well, that'll be on the poster

[45:07] His character poster. That's it. And Sisyphus is catchphrase. This poster is again. I

[45:16] Like this this dark universe we're building

[45:20] It's called like Hades eight or something like that. Yep. Yeah

[45:24] They were Hades brought together all the worst of the worst of the Greek

[45:28] Yeah, and it's like either Charon is the guy who brings him together

[45:31] He's their fixer or he's the guy they have to pull a fast one on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah

[45:36] Yeah, they've got a get back or and and Medea is there somewhere but it's the Medea from the Tyler Perry movies

[45:42] Sure, cradling dead children in her arms

[45:47] You're like, oh no wonder you killed your children Medea you're a mad black woman. Let me read your diary

[45:54] Anyway, if the listeners are wondering why I'm not saying anything because I have very little knowledge of Greek mythology. Oh, really?

[46:01] That was that was like comic books for me before I was reading comic. Yeah. Oh, yeah

[46:05] I mean the great thing about Greek and Roman mythology is that you can decode just about any old painting if you know it

[46:12] Yeah, like I love to take Sammy to art museums and I point out like okay

[46:17] This is this character that represents that this is this like there's Artemis that represents this thing like it's it's really cool

[46:23] Those paintings Sam that you think are just boring and bogus. Yeah

[46:31] Those paintings you look at just because of all the thick folks on them

[46:38] Actually about Greek mythology, okay. Yeah

[46:42] Anyway, yeah

[46:44] So anyway, so Greek mythology the original superheroes try them won't you kids anyway?

[46:50] So the bad guys take in Corbin and they're like give us the code to the vault

[46:55] We're gonna throw Moreno through the shredder and she says, okay

[46:58] Okay, and she finds the iPad she hid that has the code to the vault on it

[47:01] So they just shoot Moreno anyway, but it's one of those things where Connor is like, I'm not done with you get Corbin

[47:06] So they don't kill her even though they probably should right there

[47:09] The crooks plan they're gonna use the eye of the storm to escape the money

[47:12] Reason will decide to take a shortcut to catch up with them and head them off at the pass

[47:17] And while they're driving will apologizes to breeze and breeze apologizes to will and then breeze is like hey now that we've done that

[47:23] Can we make you make me a promise? Let's never share our feelings again and will is like, all right good, buddy

[47:29] And everything's good with them. So assume they had no conversations or contact between

[47:35] The the opening of the movie and when they are reunited later in the movie. I

[47:41] Mean very little they've been busy in gunfights and and breeze has spent most of money trying to fix that backup generator

[47:47] so I mean

[47:48] I'm just trying to say the where in the beginning of the movie where will kept

[47:52] Saying that the reason they were stuck in the hurricane is because breeze needed a kite once again playing on that name

[48:01] That it's his fault that their dad got rolled over by a giant what was that a water tower

[48:06] It was either a water tower or a silo of some kind I think it was a water tower some kind of dad crushing device

[48:12] Why did the farm have one of those? Why is only one used for them?

[48:18] But are we to assume that was like the only time they've talked like that. They hadn't talked at all between

[48:26] 1992 and present-day. I

[48:28] Mean, I it's I think it's okay that I think it's okay to assume that they've had minimal contact and that contact has been strained

[48:35] They've never opened up to each other about it

[48:38] And I mean he and he also his consciousness may have been ruptured by seeing a human skull in the storm class

[48:45] Oh, yeah, you know, you've got to believe also that will is probably a schizophrenic of some kind

[48:50] Yeah, like he is he believes the storm like he believes he has a mystical connection to the storm in a way

[48:55] Yeah, he's worried that like Imhotep has risen from his tomb

[48:59] You

[49:01] Saw it in a movie it has to be real has to be real, but I can understand them not

[49:06] I mean like you're talking to somebody who one of my great-grandmothers

[49:09] Stopped talking to my other great-grandmother

[49:11] because one of the one of them I forget who was who but one of them walked into the bedroom of their apartment at the

[49:16] Other's apartment and saw a comforter on the bed and said it was an ugly comforter and they never talked to each other again

[49:22] So I totally believe that they haven't talked about the death of their father and you know for many years

[49:28] at the funeral they just

[49:30] The surviving one just spat on the grave

[49:36] I thought he was gonna say

[49:38] Gently lay the ugly comforter over

[49:42] Said I've learned my lesson. Why didn't I you know what the comforter is not so bad. Oh, why didn't I say it earlier?

[49:48] Why did I wait till now?

[49:49] What they haven't was there was a comforter on the casket and then when it was all done and they played taps

[49:53] Lifted it up and folded it and then gave it to the other my other great-grandma

[49:57] For her to for her to keep as a token of

[50:00] for countries love anyway so

[50:02] their their driving to the eye of the storm but out of the deadly storm i wall

[50:06] ice storm wall but the wind is following the bad guys

[50:10] and uh... will embrace they start jumping from convoy truck to convoy there's

[50:14] three trucks of money

[50:15] in this bad guy convoy will embrace it is jumping from truck to truck is a

[50:19] fucking commandos all of us

[50:21] and they're american ninja warriors

[50:23] if you have

[50:24] uh... they take over the last truck in which the hackers were canoeing

[50:27] that guy hacker was driving with the lady hacker wiggling on his lap not safe

[50:31] especially in the eye of a hurricane yeah i mean even though

[50:34] i've seen charlie sheen's the chase with christie swanson

[50:39] you know it's possible

[50:40] i think that's my favorite shoehorned in lovemaking scene in a movie ever

[50:46] where they just like yeah they make love in the car as they're being chased

[50:50] yeah and like the sound of the chase like

[50:53] fades off into the background and i think like the sun starts to set

[51:00] uh... they just lock eyes and uh... it cuts to the two of them like dancing on

[51:04] a desert plane that's what represents their lovemaking yeah yeah yeah

[51:09] and they and they orgasm so hard that atomic bombs go off in the background

[51:12] and then we zoom out

[51:13] all that was going on in christie swanson's eye and they're like oh that was the hell back to the chase

[51:18] yeah yeah and then they take her out of the chair and they put michael palin in

[51:22] or no, who's the guy, who's the guy from the movie?

[51:25] uh... jonathan price

[51:29] how could i forget our president jonathan price

[51:32] no no that's zanzibar, what's the name of that jho character?

[51:37] zoltar? uh... i think it's

[51:39] yeah i think it's zanzibar

[51:41] uh... no it's uh... zardoz

[51:44] no zardoz is a different thing

[51:46] zordon? the web of

[51:48] references has gotten

[51:50] too thick, i've gotten caught up with

[51:53] zelda's the boy, i'm a spider caught in my own web right now

[51:57] that's right the g.i. joe villain emile zola who's a master of disguise and also

[52:01] realistic novels

[52:03] uh... okay

[52:05] uh... what was it, oh yeah so anyway they're in the eye of the hurricane

[52:08] as we all know in the eye of a hurricane there's quiet for just a moment

[52:11] a patch of yellow sky

[52:13] and uh...

[52:14] they're fighting the bandits in the trucks, they're making it swerve all over, will's climbing on top of the truck

[52:19] uh... corbin will take the second truck

[52:21] and my notes just here say fighting, swerving, crashing, shooting, etc

[52:25] the eye wall is almost up to them, more shooting and chasing

[52:28] uh... and will and breeze, they've each got a truck in their command now and corbin is

[52:31] kind of like fighting with the person in her truck, oh yeah and they hit that bump and the guy

[52:35] flies up into the air and then she uses the brief respite from this guy

[52:39] wrestling her to grab the gun and shoot him a bunch of times, yeah i gotta say

[52:43] and no blood goes anywhere, i had been kind of annoyed that the movie

[52:49] posited maggie grace as this kind of badass heroine and then had her get captured

[52:54] and needed to be like

[52:55] saved by the guys, although at the end she like

[52:59] kind of didn't need it, i mean she's

[53:01] she's genuinely the toughest person in the movie, yes before the guys come in

[53:06] yeah but she's already trying to rescue herself and she is also

[53:09] i mean nobody in this movie is

[53:11] too competent

[53:13] but she's like a little more on the ball than some of the other ones, yeah

[53:17] will and breeze are each driving a truck and they use that football play they've been

[53:20] talking about which is like blue red twenty-two hike seven or something like

[53:24] that

[53:26] and they box in

[53:27] connor's truck, connor is the last bad guy standing, i'm glad that we saw this movie so now

[53:31] the next time elliot goes to uh... buffalo wild wings and he like sidles up to some

[53:36] table of sports guys

[53:38] he'll have a way to blend in with the crowd

[53:40] i'll have one football play to talk about

[53:44] i don't know if you know my solution to those

[53:48] situations in new york at least is whenever the subject of baseball would

[53:51] come up

[53:52] they'd go like

[53:53] like who do you follow and i'd say oh i'm a royals fan

[53:56] and nobody in new york

[53:57] cares about the royals they'd be like oh okay and they'd change the subject to something

[54:00] else but as long as i had to say oh i'm a royals fan they'd know okay sports

[54:04] great i don't care about those sports, you say you're a royals fan and then you whip out your phone and start

[54:08] playing an episode of the hit tv show the royals

[54:11] well no i just play lords royals

[54:16] and you shove your phone in their face and go get it

[54:20] shazam this motherfuckers then i walk out

[54:23] leaving your phone behind you

[54:26] and they're like we don't need to use shazam to identify the song

[54:29] the name's right on the phone

[54:31] free phone i guess i lose more phones that way

[54:36] uh... so

[54:37] conor's driving his truck they box him in and then push him back so he's

[54:42] behind them

[54:43] which forces him i guess to be their sacrifice to the god of the eye of the

[54:47] storm and in its savage hunger it pulls his truck apart into a million pieces

[54:51] and the money blows everywhere

[54:53] at this point they don't need to

[54:54] kill him right

[54:56] no not at all

[54:59] he doesn't have any hostages anymore

[55:02] no he has no hostages all the other bad guys are incapacitated

[55:06] there's a reason that when

[55:07] cops are chasing someone you have something called a low-speed chase

[55:11] where they're just trying to get that person to eventually get trapped and

[55:14] stop

[55:15] they're not trying to kill anybody or hurt anyone along the way so the fact

[55:19] that they're like

[55:20] now it's judgment time and they've gotta like push him into the storm wall is

[55:23] crazy and during this whole sequence uh... that the the guy who plays the bad

[55:28] guy ralph anderson has so much awesome like

[55:31] grunt ADR work that they did where he's got like anytime anything happens you just

[55:36] hear him going

[55:37] uh...

[55:38] uh... like he feels he is so connected to the truck he's driving he feels

[55:43] every scratch of paint

[55:46] it's like venom they become one now

[55:49] you know they're one being so he's pushed back toward the eye wall

[55:53] well i love the money the back of the truck is ripped apart and the money

[55:56] blows out and he's like

[55:57] ah come on my money

[56:02] and uh... and he gets murked he gets killed well he gets killed when the money that he had

[56:07] spent so much time and effort

[56:10] comes crashing down like it flies back out of the storm and lands on the

[56:15] cab of his truck and he explodes it's like the storm believes in dramatic irony

[56:20] and is like

[56:21] you wanted money take some and it slams into him that was the third hilarious thing for me

[56:25] when the truck just blows up and the back of it lands on the cab

[56:31] yeah i mean i guess at that point for him death was instantaneous so at least he didn't

[56:35] suffer you know

[56:36] now i mean he suffered seeing all his money go away because he suffered what we all

[56:40] suffer at the end of our lives which is seeing our grand plans fall apart as we

[56:44] realize how powerless we are in the face of the universe and also how futile

[56:48] all of our attempts at

[56:50] glory

[56:51] material wealth

[56:52] pleasure all of those things are so

[56:55] fleeting and meaningless they're less than the lifespan of a midge fly in the

[56:59] grand scheme of the cosmos and we all kind of

[57:02] realize that at the end of our lives and we all have that moment of soul death

[57:05] that comes before physical death i think yeah at best we can hope for a lone

[57:10] traveler

[57:11] traveling across the desert and happening upon

[57:14] uh... the remains of a statue with just just our feet

[57:17] sticking up anymore that has some bullshit about our name being something cool

[57:22] i space out for a second and suddenly you're talking about all this depressing

[57:25] shit what's going on here

[57:27] uh... dan it's called it's the way of all things sick transit gloria and all

[57:31] that stuff ozzy mandis you know what

[57:34] i think just start uh... just start being depressed i think you'll like it

[57:37] anyway so

[57:39] you don't have to tell me twice

[57:42] wow dan's on the floor running in circles on his side

[57:47] but he's also really sad about it

[57:51] i'd love to see a short now called the depressed stooges and curly is doing his

[57:55] walking around in circles on the floor but he's crying the whole time

[57:59] so instead of going woo woo woo it's woo woo woo woo

[58:04] the three sad guys

[58:06] uh...

[58:07] moe larry and dan they just like

[58:10] they break a dowager's vase and then they're like

[58:14] we're never going to be able to pay this off

[58:16] oh god

[58:18] oh god this is the first this is going to spiral us into bankruptcy and

[58:22] destitution

[58:23] oh god oh god oh god

[58:25] moe goes to poke one of the other larry in the eyes and larry doesn't even shield

[58:29] himself he's like i've seen too much of this

[58:35] uh... so

[58:37] the eyewall cloud is coming closer and closer and uh... they have to move from

[58:41] one truck to the other because i guess one of them is a little bit slower i

[58:44] don't remember why no there's no reason

[58:46] there's no reason they both have a truck

[58:48] but for some reason they're like

[58:49] all right one of us has to jump from one truck to the other no the engine of one

[58:53] truck like explodes and there's like black smoke pouring out of it

[58:58] i didn't remember that part i like couldn't

[59:00] i think i spaced out for a moment and i'm like why are they switching trucks just to make it

[59:03] easier for them to all get to the same place at the same time like do they have a dinner

[59:07] reservation and they're worried they're not going to get seated if they're not all there at the right time

[59:10] yeah i think what had happened was when that first truck exploded you guys

[59:14] both jumped up off your couch and started looking around and saying did

[59:18] anybody see that and so you missed the next one

[59:24] and you missed the next one

[59:25] i pulled a dan mccoy on this and i watched this movie while on a plane

[59:28] so

[59:30] so you should have

[59:31] you should have liked it more

[59:33] yeah i don't know i was pretty tired it was a night time flight to new orleans so i could

[59:37] go promote my children's book that comes out in the fall horse meets dog

[59:41] that's very appropriate though i mean

[59:43] comes out at the end of october

[59:44] uh... it's for children everywhere i think that people love it

[59:47] but so i was already tired so it was like

[59:49] i didn't have that lightheadedness that comes with being on a plane where you

[59:52] enjoy movies or what i call

[59:54] dan syndrome

[59:57] but anyway so they've got to move from one truck to the other

[1:00:00] And the truck with Breeze and the hackers

[1:00:02] has to move into the truck with Will and Corbin

[1:00:04] in a dead body.

[1:00:05] And Breeze, of course, he's a hero,

[1:00:07] so he goes first before the woman hacker.

[1:00:11] And then he's gonna help her over,

[1:00:12] and she's a little scared,

[1:00:14] and just as she's about to cross over,

[1:00:15] that truck is just blown off into chaos.

[1:00:18] A little bit of them together, you know?

[1:00:20] Yeah, yeah, now the hackers have been hacked

[1:00:22] by the ultimate software, WIND.

[1:00:24] Yeah.

[1:00:27] And the good guys outrun the eye of the storm,

[1:00:30] and it's just, there's no hurricane anymore.

[1:00:32] And they just kind of like, they start bantering,

[1:00:35] and it's almost like they're just killing time

[1:00:37] until the end credits show up.

[1:00:40] Like, the end credits are running a little late,

[1:00:42] and they've been told to stretch,

[1:00:43] so they're like, yeah, all right, yeah.

[1:00:48] Peanut butter and jelly, right?

[1:00:50] That was good.

[1:00:50] No, Maggie Grace is like, hey, we got all this money,

[1:00:53] no one knows we have it, like, we can just go.

[1:00:55] Why don't we just go to Mexico?

[1:00:56] Go to Mexico, and like,

[1:00:58] they play it very seriously for a moment,

[1:01:00] and I'm just like, if this movie follows through with this,

[1:01:03] I will fucking love it forever.

[1:01:06] But no, they don't, she goes, I'm just kidding, guys,

[1:01:08] and they laugh, and then they just sit there,

[1:01:10] and it's a little bit like that.

[1:01:12] Which is crazy, because at this point, who gives a fuck?

[1:01:16] They should have that hat, like,

[1:01:18] end it in a weird note rather than a boring note.

[1:01:21] Yeah, but it ends almost like the end of The Graduate.

[1:01:23] They're just kind of staring into space as they try.

[1:01:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:01:27] And wondering what happened to their lives.

[1:01:29] It's the end of Michael Clayton,

[1:01:30] where the credits just roll over George Cluton's face.

[1:01:33] Because, I mean, really,

[1:01:34] what have the heroes accomplished in all of this?

[1:01:36] I mean, they've saved some money

[1:01:38] that was gonna be destroyed anyway,

[1:01:40] and only at the cost of maybe a dozen people's lives.

[1:01:43] Exactly.

[1:01:44] So, but who knows?

[1:01:46] Maybe they'll get a medal from Princess Leia,

[1:01:48] except for Bree, who's the Chewbacca of the group.

[1:01:51] Yeah, I think that actually checks out, that tracks.

[1:01:55] And so, that's the end of the hurricane heist.

[1:01:58] Oh, I was gonna say,

[1:01:59] my favorite thing about that ending of Michael Clayton

[1:02:01] is a story I heard somewhere, so I don't know if it's true,

[1:02:04] but that they were shooting that

[1:02:05] in a real taxi cab in New York,

[1:02:07] and that while they were driving,

[1:02:09] a car was next to them,

[1:02:10] and the guys in the car recognized George Clooney,

[1:02:12] and were like, hey, George Clooney!

[1:02:13] Whoa, Clooney, over here!

[1:02:15] And he had to just ignore them and stare ahead.

[1:02:18] Wow, yeah, he deserves the Oscar.

[1:02:20] He won for that.

[1:02:23] I don't think he won for that.

[1:02:23] I know.

[1:02:24] He won for Syriana, I think, for Best Supporting Actor,

[1:02:28] because he grew a beard for that one.

[1:02:29] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:32] That's why head of MaxFun Network,

[1:02:35] Jesse Thorne, grew his beard,

[1:02:37] was he was courting Oscar buzz.

[1:02:39] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:40] Oh, I thought you were gonna say it was the Syriana look.

[1:02:42] Yeah.

[1:02:43] That was sweeping the country at the time.

[1:02:44] Yeah, it was the drive jacket of that year.

[1:02:46] Yeah.

[1:02:47] Yeah.

[1:02:50] So guys, that's the hurricane heist.

[1:02:51] Heist over, hurricane done.

[1:02:53] Three people survived,

[1:02:55] and now they're just gonna deliver that dead money.

[1:02:58] Yeah.

[1:02:59] All those dead presidents.

[1:03:00] Luckily, the police force in Gulfport is decimated.

[1:03:04] Yeah.

[1:03:05] Oh, that's also true.

[1:03:06] The Gulfport has no law enforcement now,

[1:03:08] because every single member of the force turned bad.

[1:03:11] Like, I kind of wanted to see the scene

[1:03:14] where the sheriff goes to his deputies and is like,

[1:03:16] hey, I didn't want to steal a lot of money

[1:03:18] to the hurricane,

[1:03:19] and every single deputy is like, I'm on board,

[1:03:21] and the sheriff for just a moment was like,

[1:03:23] maybe I don't have the best force with me.

[1:03:25] I mean, I'm glad you guys are with me on this,

[1:03:27] but I just realized that maybe I wasn't working

[1:03:30] with the best people all this time.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

[1:03:33] We should do our final judgments,

[1:03:34] whether this is a good, bad movie,

[1:03:36] a bad, bad movie,

[1:03:37] or a movie we kind of liked.

[1:03:39] I'll say that I thought this was a good, bad movie for me.

[1:03:43] I like movies that are heist movies,

[1:03:47] and I like movies that are disaster movies,

[1:03:48] and the dumber, the better, usually.

[1:03:52] Well, not so much for heist movies.

[1:03:53] I like smart heist movies,

[1:03:54] and I like dumb disaster movies,

[1:03:56] and this was dumb on both counts,

[1:03:58] but it made me laugh a few times.

[1:04:00] I don't know.

[1:04:01] I got a kick out of it.

[1:04:02] I also, I had a friend over when we were watching it,

[1:04:07] and so maybe I enjoyed it more than you guys,

[1:04:10] because I got to laugh at the silly stuff

[1:04:13] with someone else.

[1:04:14] That's a real cool way to sneak in that you have friends.

[1:04:17] Yeah.

[1:04:18] Yeah, we get it, Dan.

[1:04:18] Friends, you're like Frankenstein's monster.

[1:04:20] Wonderful.

[1:04:21] Yeah, you're Joey, Phoebe, et cetera.

[1:04:23] Yeah, you're just hanging out at Central Park

[1:04:25] watching Hurricane Heist.

[1:04:26] Not letting Gunther come watch Hurricane Heist.

[1:04:29] You and the monkey perched on your shoulder,

[1:04:32] because that's right, Dan.

[1:04:33] You're Ross.

[1:04:33] You're not even Chandler.

[1:04:34] You're Ross in this scenario.

[1:04:36] Thanks.

[1:04:37] I mean, I don't know.

[1:04:39] Yeah, that's not the worst.

[1:04:41] He's pretty bad.

[1:04:42] Okay.

[1:04:43] No, Ross is the worst of them.

[1:04:44] Chandler is annoying, but Ross is a monster.

[1:04:46] Yeah, that's true.

[1:04:47] I mean, one, he has a pet fucking monkey.

[1:04:48] That's not right.

[1:04:50] That monkey shouldn't be there.

[1:04:51] Nope, you're right.

[1:04:52] Number two, he's like, oh, I'm a sensitive guy.

[1:04:54] That means I can play with women's emotions,

[1:04:57] and it's okay, blah, blah, blah.

[1:04:58] I'm a sad guy.

[1:04:59] Yeah, it's terrible.

[1:05:00] Yeah, whereas Chandler's just-

[1:05:01] I'm one of the good ones.

[1:05:03] Yeah, I'm one of the good ones.

[1:05:04] Chandler just had that thing where he just,

[1:05:09] he had that cocaine problem, right?

[1:05:12] Yeah, yeah, Chandler's just, he's got a drug addict,

[1:05:13] and Joey is clearly gay and is afraid to admit it,

[1:05:16] and that's why he overcompensates

[1:05:17] with all the macho stuff.

[1:05:18] Oh, yeah, that explains it.

[1:05:20] Now, going to the girl's side,

[1:05:23] Rachel, of course, is, Rachel is a psychopath.

[1:05:27] She's just killing people left and right.

[1:05:28] That's why they called that haircut the Rachel.

[1:05:33] That's why they made that movie Monster, the Rachel story.

[1:05:38] Phoebe, of course, as you can probably tell,

[1:05:40] has serious trauma issues and is dealing with, and PTSD,

[1:05:44] and Monica, you know, Monica, I don't even think,

[1:05:48] if you look at all the clues in the episodes,

[1:05:50] I think you've realized Monica doesn't exist,

[1:05:52] and it's just like a shared hallucination

[1:05:54] of the rest of the group.

[1:05:56] Oh, she's a Mr. Robot.

[1:05:58] Spoiler alert.

[1:05:59] Exactly, yeah.

[1:06:00] I feel like putting, like, being a closeted gay man

[1:06:02] in with all these other negative things kind of-

[1:06:04] That's true.

[1:06:05] Makes it sound like they're all equal, and-

[1:06:07] That's true, Dan.

[1:06:08] I would say, Dan, Joey not being true to himself

[1:06:11] and being afraid of his true person,

[1:06:13] whether that's because someone has imposed

[1:06:15] that pressure on him, or because he himself

[1:06:18] has his own misunderstood ideas

[1:06:20] of what it means to be a man, that is a negative thing.

[1:06:22] I want him to be free and open about himself

[1:06:24] and comfortable in who he is.

[1:06:25] All right, as long as we're clear about that, I-

[1:06:27] I'm not judging him for being gay.

[1:06:28] I'm judging him for not being honest with himself.

[1:06:32] All right, well, I'm glad that we-

[1:06:33] Maybe that's not his fault.

[1:06:34] I'm glad we worked out the friends,

[1:06:36] but how do you feel about the hurricane eyes?

[1:06:39] Now let's, well, let me get started on Frasier.

[1:06:41] Anyway, so-

[1:06:43] Niles is another one of those good guys, you know?

[1:06:46] He's just a good guy.

[1:06:48] I mean, the fact that he wants to cheat on his wife

[1:06:50] with the woman who works for his brother,

[1:06:52] and therefore there's a real power misdynamic there.

[1:06:55] Comfortable power dynamic.

[1:06:57] Yeah, yeah, and that their dad is infantilized

[1:07:01] to the point where they treat him like a child.

[1:07:03] All right.

[1:07:04] And of course, yes.

[1:07:05] Yes, every comedy has a lot of problems.

[1:07:08] Let's move on.

[1:07:11] What's the next thing we do on this podcast, Sam?

[1:07:13] No, we gotta just do the judgment.

[1:07:14] Just do it fast.

[1:07:15] I will say my final judgment,

[1:07:16] I wanted this movie to be a good bad movie so badly.

[1:07:19] I think it got pretty close in my mind,

[1:07:21] but I found it kind of boring for most of it.

[1:07:23] But I think if I was watching it with another person,

[1:07:25] yes, I would have found it to be good bad

[1:07:26] because there are a couple of crazy moments,

[1:07:28] but the action scenes are pretty boring.

[1:07:30] And I mean, that's,

[1:07:32] I think that's actually the hallmark of a good bad movie

[1:07:34] is that if you watch it by yourself,

[1:07:35] it's often boring and it's fun to watch with a group.

[1:07:38] So I'll say it is a good bad movie.

[1:07:40] And also four for four with Rob Cohen directed movies.

[1:07:44] I think he's directed like five movies

[1:07:46] and we reviewed four of them on the podcast.

[1:07:49] So wait there, wait,

[1:07:50] we didn't do Fast and the Furious as one of our movies.

[1:07:53] That's his most successful movie by far.

[1:07:55] What other Rob Cohen movies did we do?

[1:07:56] Stealth.

[1:07:57] We did Stealth, not with you, but we did Stealth.

[1:07:58] No, I missed it.

[1:07:59] We did The Boy Next Door.

[1:08:01] And what was the other one?

[1:08:05] Do you remember?

[1:08:06] The Heist Next Hurricane?

[1:08:09] It was, Stuart's pulling it up, so.

[1:08:12] Guys.

[1:08:13] Stuart Saves His Family?

[1:08:14] It is Stuart Saves His Family.

[1:08:17] Rob Cohen pulling it up.

[1:08:18] You guys vamp while I do this.

[1:08:21] It wasn't-

[1:08:21] Blah, blah.

[1:08:22] Was it Ragonheart, the movie he directed?

[1:08:24] Oh, Alex Cross, boom.

[1:08:26] Oh yeah.

[1:08:26] Alex Cross.

[1:08:27] Oh, I didn't realize he made that one.

[1:08:28] Yeah, so Rob Cohen, if he wants to,

[1:08:30] is that the most by any director we've done?

[1:08:32] I think it might be.

[1:08:34] So he goes in the Flop Hall of Fame,

[1:08:37] which is enshrined in the hearts of Americans everywhere,

[1:08:40] and congratulations to him.

[1:08:43] I guess he'll get his no prize in the mail

[1:08:45] for being the most flop director.

[1:08:48] Yeah, his jersey is gonna be

[1:08:51] put up at the Flophouse Raptors.

[1:08:54] What about the Flophouse Raptors?

[1:08:57] Those don't exist.

[1:08:58] Oh yeah, you're right.

[1:09:00] I guess I'll just have to go see Jurassic World.

[1:09:03] No more parks.

[1:09:04] In theaters now.

[1:09:06] In theaters at this moment.

[1:09:14] The Greatest Discovery is a podcast

[1:09:17] about Star Trek Discovery and so much more, Ben.

[1:09:19] We watched the entire first season of Star Trek Discovery,

[1:09:23] but now we're finding all kinds of interesting

[1:09:26] ancillary topics to get into.

[1:09:28] We're interviewing our favorite people.

[1:09:30] Reading comic books.

[1:09:32] And we're updating you on the news

[1:09:35] about season two of Star Trek Discovery.

[1:09:37] It's news you can use,

[1:09:38] and it's every two weeks on MaximumFun.org

[1:09:41] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:09:44] Going into a bullseye interview,

[1:09:46] I know it's somebody who does amazing work,

[1:09:49] but it's an actual conversation.

[1:09:50] I don't know where it's headed.

[1:09:53] Absolutely.

[1:09:54] You're absolutely right.

[1:09:55] You said it actually better than I did,

[1:09:57] so I have to think about what that means.

[1:10:00] Hey, this is the straight talk that you're going to get on this show.

[1:10:05] Bullseye, creators you know, creators you need to know.

[1:10:08] Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

[1:10:14] We've got a couple of sponsors we want to say thank you to,

[1:10:18] and the first one is Blue Apron.

[1:10:22] Blue Apron delivers fresh pre-portioned ingredients

[1:10:25] and step-by-step recipes right to your door

[1:10:28] that can be cooked in under 45 minutes.

[1:10:32] It's a wonderful service if you're lazy like me,

[1:10:37] if you're busy like Elliot,

[1:10:39] if you're fizzy like Stu.

[1:10:42] Very fizzy.

[1:10:44] So Dan, Blue Apron, you know what I like about it best.

[1:10:49] What's that?

[1:10:50] You don't have to measure anything.

[1:10:52] I don't like using measuring cups, I'll tell you why.

[1:10:55] Depending on what angle you look at them, it looks like they say different things.

[1:10:58] I don't like that.

[1:10:59] It stresses me out because it's like, let me hold it just right.

[1:11:03] Also, a lot of measuring cups, the handle is on the wrong side for me.

[1:11:07] Why would they put the handle so that I have to hold it in my left hand

[1:11:10] to look at how much stuff is in there, where the markings are,

[1:11:14] when I'm a right-handed guy?

[1:11:15] For too long, right-handed people have been oppressed by not having the right stuff.

[1:11:20] So I say measuring cups, no thank you.

[1:11:22] Blue Apron, thank you for freeing all of us from the oppression of measuring cups.

[1:11:27] Truly the devil's instrument on Earth.

[1:11:30] Well, that's a very strong stance, but sure, we can all go with that one.

[1:11:35] I'm not afraid of big measuring cup coming after me.

[1:11:38] Go for it.

[1:11:39] Pyrex, you know where I live.

[1:11:41] Send your goons over.

[1:11:42] I'll talk to you about your measuring cups.

[1:11:46] You don't want to get into a mob battle with Pyrex.

[1:11:51] They're like the Cosa Nostra of cooking things.

[1:11:56] Why?

[1:11:57] Just because Pyrex sounds like an alien robot that's super awesome?

[1:12:00] Yeah.

[1:12:01] Yeah, sure, of course, with fire powers?

[1:12:03] Yeah, of course.

[1:12:04] But still, I'm willing to take a stand.

[1:12:06] Measuring cups, drool, and Blue Apron rules.

[1:12:09] Look, that's Kalen's Law number 405.

[1:12:13] Well, anyway, you should check out this week's menu

[1:12:15] and get your first three meals free at blueapron.com.

[1:12:19] That's blueapron.com slash Flophouse.

[1:12:23] Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

[1:12:26] And we're also sponsored by Casper,

[1:12:29] a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line of products

[1:12:32] to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:12:37] They offer affordable prices because they cut out the middleman

[1:12:40] and sell directly to you, the consumer.

[1:12:44] Guys, let me just say it.

[1:12:46] I don't like middlemen.

[1:12:47] I like topmen and bottommen.

[1:12:49] Middlemen, no thank you.

[1:12:51] They've got the worst of it in the human centipede,

[1:12:55] and I think they're taking it out on the rest of us by jacking up prices.

[1:12:59] So, Casper, thanks for selling your mattresses directly.

[1:13:02] Now, Dan, I think we've talked about this.

[1:13:03] You use a Casper mattress,

[1:13:05] and you found it to be satisfying for both sleep and sexual purposes.

[1:13:08] Okay, I don't want to get into one half of that at least.

[1:13:12] The sleep?

[1:13:13] Yeah, that's right.

[1:13:14] It's too personal.

[1:13:16] Too personal.

[1:13:17] Do I snore?

[1:13:18] Yes.

[1:13:19] Yes, I snore.

[1:13:20] Now, Dan, I don't want to get too personal,

[1:13:22] but so you're in missionary.

[1:13:24] Is there enough spring in the mattress to really give you the traction you need?

[1:13:28] I don't want to.

[1:13:34] According to the copy,

[1:13:36] they combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface

[1:13:40] with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

[1:13:42] Okay, so I'll take that as a yes.

[1:13:44] I'll take that as a yes.

[1:13:45] If that's what you're looking for,

[1:13:46] then you'll do yourself just fine with the Casper.

[1:13:50] And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep on it trial.

[1:13:56] Now, if you want a little discount,

[1:13:59] you can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting Casper.com slash Flophouse

[1:14:04] and using promo code FLOPHOUSE, all one word, at checkout.

[1:14:08] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:14:11] Do they ever?

[1:14:13] I have a couple Jumbotrons.

[1:14:15] Stuart has run to the restroom.

[1:14:17] That's why he hasn't been talking for this entire segment.

[1:14:20] Yeah, he's been busy letting his body talk in a different way.

[1:14:23] And he has one of the Jumbotrons.

[1:14:26] So why don't I do mine and I have the other one?

[1:14:29] Okay, this is a personal Jumbotron, and it's for Louis, and it's from Alyssa.

[1:14:35] And so Alyssa is saying to Louis,

[1:14:38] happy anniversary and pre-Father's Day.

[1:14:40] This is a little late.

[1:14:41] As you can tell, Father's Day was a couple weeks ago.

[1:14:43] Happy anniversary and pre-Father's Day to my best friend.

[1:14:46] If you're half as good at dadding as you are at husbanding,

[1:14:49] little mind Ray will be one lucky kid,

[1:14:51] even if you make him listen to the whole back catalog of Flophouse and Adventure Zone when he's old enough.

[1:14:57] To the walls.

[1:14:58] Oh, so it looks like I think Louis and Alyssa might be expecting.

[1:15:01] That's wonderful.

[1:15:02] Congratulations, guys.

[1:15:03] That's the most wonderful joy that there is.

[1:15:07] And Stuart has returned.

[1:15:09] So now it's time for our secondary Jumbotron.

[1:15:13] Secondary in time, not in importance.

[1:15:15] Oh, hey, guys.

[1:15:16] Were you cool enough to pause the recording while I ran away?

[1:15:19] We were not.

[1:15:20] We were not.

[1:15:21] Okay, so please leave in all that stuff.

[1:15:23] Okay.

[1:15:24] Okay.

[1:15:25] And, Stuart, was it okay that we put the microphone up against the door while you were in there?

[1:15:28] I was like, ah, mommy.

[1:15:32] Anybody have a Band-Aid?

[1:15:34] It was just like in Stephen King's Dreamcatchers.

[1:15:38] Yep.

[1:15:39] Now the question is, the person who came out of that bathroom, is it Stuart or a Stuart controlled by a shitweasel?

[1:15:46] Oh, no.

[1:15:47] Oh, no.

[1:15:48] You'll find out later.

[1:15:51] So we got a Jumbotron.

[1:15:53] J-J-J-Jumbotron.

[1:15:55] The Comics Canon is the podcast that renders judgment on the great comic book stories of yesterday and today.

[1:16:02] Every two weeks, Kurt Holman and Kevin Moreau discuss such well-known stories as Batman, The Dark Knight Returns, Civil War, Fun Home, and more works that have become mass media sensations.

[1:16:19] Each episode answers the questions, how do these stories hold up?

[1:16:24] What's their larger impact on comics or pop culture?

[1:16:28] And do they belong in that comic book hall of fame known as dot, dot, dot, the Comics Canon?

[1:16:37] Find it on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, SoundCloud, Google Play, Spotify, and comicscanon.com.

[1:16:44] And canon is spelled with one N, not two N, you jokesters.

[1:16:50] I do – I love the idea that comics is such a weird medium that it's like we're going to be judging Civil War and Fun Home.

[1:16:58] Like there is not two more different pieces of work.

[1:17:00] I mean I don't think we're –

[1:17:01] I'm going to have to give it a listen.

[1:17:02] I mean I don't think it's a – it's not like a battle royale.

[1:17:06] It's not like a bracket situation where they're like, OK, Mouse went down against Watchmen.

[1:17:12] What's the Ring of Keys moment in Civil War?

[1:17:19] OK. All right.

[1:17:22] But moving on.

[1:17:23] They're like, OK, so our next matchup is Persepolis and Secret Wars.

[1:17:29] Yeah.

[1:17:31] OK, Dan, what do we do next?

[1:17:33] So we did the sponsor stuff.

[1:17:34] Yes.

[1:17:35] We did the other stuff.

[1:17:36] Now, this episode is going to air after our Seattle show.

[1:17:40] So we don't have to promote it.

[1:17:42] And Dan, do we have any other live shows coming up to perform, to promote?

[1:17:46] Yeah, but –

[1:17:47] No, we're not going to plug them yet.

[1:17:50] Is there a way in the future?

[1:17:51] There's a way in the future.

[1:17:52] We're taking a live show break after that Seattle show because I'm having a new baby.

[1:17:57] Having a new baby.

[1:17:58] New baby.

[1:18:01] That's our song, I guess.

[1:18:02] Yeah, yeah. We did the whole thing.

[1:18:03] That's the jingle.

[1:18:04] Yeah, yeah. The hit single.

[1:18:05] Guys, you just recorded your first number one hit.

[1:18:07] It's called New Baby.

[1:18:08] I mean throwing baby into almost any song is a good idea.

[1:18:12] Yeah.

[1:18:13] That's what Richie Valens did, right?

[1:18:15] Yeah, exactly.

[1:18:16] Any song.

[1:18:17] Ave Maria, baby.

[1:18:22] It works.

[1:18:23] I'm glad that you did that because I was coming up with like only offensive songs to throw baby into.

[1:18:27] I'm like nope, nope, not that one either.

[1:18:29] Like what?

[1:18:30] Like Closer and stuff like that?

[1:18:31] No, it was like even worse.

[1:18:35] I don't even want to say what I was thinking.

[1:18:38] Let's just leave it up to the audiences of the imagination.

[1:18:40] Yeah.

[1:18:41] Okay.

[1:18:43] Let's do a contest right into what offensive song was Dan thinking of?

[1:18:45] Care of Dan McCoy, 124 Main Street, Anytown, USA, Earth, Galaxy 5.

[1:18:52] Yes.

[1:18:53] Thank you.

[1:18:56] Sorry.

[1:18:58] I've got like a bad throat from my party last night.

[1:19:02] You heard it here, folks.

[1:19:03] Dan's got a bad throat.

[1:19:06] We get it.

[1:19:07] You had a great time at your party.

[1:19:08] We're living it up as you were going down.

[1:19:09] We understand.

[1:19:11] So it's time for letters.

[1:19:13] Letters from listeners.

[1:19:14] Listeners like you.

[1:19:15] And the first letter is from Joe, last name withheld.

[1:19:19] Who writes?

[1:19:20] Hey there, Joe.

[1:19:22] What are you going to write today?

[1:19:25] Hey there, Joe.

[1:19:26] This is your time.

[1:19:28] What are you going to say?

[1:19:30] Hey, Joe.

[1:19:31] Don't you know that you got to show us what you got inside?

[1:19:36] Hey, Joe.

[1:19:37] Don't go.

[1:19:38] Don't run and hide.

[1:19:40] Be there with us today.

[1:19:42] Joe, it's your turn to say baby.

[1:19:48] Oh, wow.

[1:19:51] I threw baby in there.

[1:19:52] I like that you didn't fade that one out.

[1:19:55] No.

[1:19:57] It was just a quick end.

[1:19:58] Yeah.

[1:20:00] Joe writes, ìI am the newÖî So this is a story all about Joe, the letter he sent

[1:20:04] to these porshemos and weíd like to take a minute to sit right there, Dan will read

[1:20:08] your letter right live on the air.

[1:20:10] Dan.

[1:20:12] You really, you nailed the landing on that one in a way that I didnít expect.

[1:20:16] No I didnít expect it either.

[1:20:18] Let me tell you.

[1:20:19] So okay, Joe writes, ìI am the new proprietor of my very own video rental store located

[1:20:25] in Lincoln, Nebraska.

[1:20:26] I specialize in harder to find moviesÖî Oh thatís a great town.

[1:20:29] ìÖVHX, Betamask, LaserDisc, DVD and Blu-Ray as wellÖî

[1:20:33] Wait, wait, Dan did you say VHX and Betamask?

[1:20:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:20:37] I got interrupted right in the middle of the fucking sentence.

[1:20:43] Anyway this guy, the point is heís got harder to find movies but the question is, ìIf you

[1:20:48] were an employee at a video store, what would your three employee picks be?

[1:20:53] FlophouseHouseCat can have three picks too.

[1:20:55] Keep on flopping in the real world.

[1:20:57] Thanks Joe.

[1:20:58] Last name withheld.

[1:20:59] So this is interesting because you want to pick something that you like or you want to

[1:21:07] pick something that people might not be familiar with.

[1:21:10] Wait, what are we doing?

[1:21:12] I was trying to come up with a Betamask joke.

[1:21:14] If you were to do an employee picks at your video store, what would your three movies

[1:21:22] be?

[1:21:23] Oh, I get to pick exactly three movies.

[1:21:26] Three movies that I would recommend to a person.

[1:21:30] This is going to be hard for you, Stu.

[1:21:31] I know, itís going to be difficult.

[1:21:32] You guys got to give me a minute.

[1:21:33] I wish youíd given me this question earlier.

[1:21:36] I ask these questions in advance for situations like this, Dan.

[1:21:39] Yeah, Iím sorry.

[1:21:41] No, itís tough.

[1:21:44] I think my three movies would be, and Iím just pulling this off the top of my head here,

[1:21:54] Return of the Living Dead, The Birds, and Animal Crackers.

[1:22:03] Somewhere David Byrne is crying.

[1:22:10] I kept myself from stepping on your pig, Stu, which was my first impulse.

[1:22:14] Just to steal him?

[1:22:17] And then Stuart is thrown into a tailspin trying to remember other movies.

[1:22:23] I just want to expose people to these movies.

[1:22:38] I want to expose myself via these movies.

[1:22:41] I heard it here first, folks.

[1:22:44] My three movies are a little movie called Castle Freak, a movie called The Head of the

[1:22:51] Family, and for my third pick, I would say Dr. Zhivago.

[1:22:59] Interesting.

[1:23:02] Okay.

[1:23:03] Again, I think picking not necessarily my three favorite movies, but three movies that

[1:23:09] I feel like people would like and people havenít seen as much of them, I would say The Devil

[1:23:16] and Daniel Webster, Closely Watched Trains, which is one, I mean those are two of my favorites,

[1:23:22] and then I think Iíd maybe put The Prestige, which is a movie that as much as Christopher

[1:23:28] Nolan is a huge name, I feel like The Prestige is still not a movie a lot of people have

[1:23:32] seen.

[1:23:33] Yeah.

[1:23:34] Thereís a big reveal in the third act of that thing that you did, Elliot.

[1:23:40] Yeah, if only there was a word for that.

[1:23:44] I mean the other one I could think of possibly is like in the similar one of big-name director

[1:23:50] where he has a movie that I think is maybe one of his best, if not his best, that not

[1:23:56] as many people have seen is I would also think about putting in Zodiac, which it baffles

[1:24:01] my mind.

[1:24:02] Oh, David Fincherís best movie by far?

[1:24:03] Yes, by far, and itís an amazing movie, and I think just because itís long, most people

[1:24:08] have not seen it, but itís such a good movie.

[1:24:14] Those are my choices.

[1:24:16] Now, I did work at a video store, and I was very mad that we did not have an employee

[1:24:22] recommendations shelf.

[1:24:23] Put them up on the wall under the title, ìFlop House Recommends.î

[1:24:28] I mean, when you were working there, you could basically call the anime section the employee

[1:24:32] recommendations section, right?

[1:24:34] All the Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[1:24:37] Oh, yes, the wall of Dragon Ball Z tapes that we had that we could not keep on the shelves

[1:24:44] because kids bought them so fast.

[1:24:46] Yeah, definitely.

[1:24:47] This next letter is from Caleb, last name withheld.

[1:24:51] Caleb Carr, author of The Alienist.

[1:24:53] Iím glad that we both went to the only Caleb we could think of.

[1:24:59] On the layover episode, Stuart mentioned his wanting to see the Burt Reynolds film, The

[1:25:03] Last Movie Star.

[1:25:04] Having spent a full 12-hour day at an airport being an extra and being a big shot movie

[1:25:08] star as a result, I thought I could offer up some juicy on-set gossip.

[1:25:12] Yeah, yeah, give me those dirty deets.

[1:25:14] For starters, all of the other extras left their prop baggage in a large unattended pile

[1:25:18] causing TSA to momentarily freak out until we claimed it all.

[1:25:22] Shenanigans.

[1:25:23] Next, since Burt is getting on in years, a golf cart would appear to whisk him away between

[1:25:27] takes and a young man would stand in for him wearing a blazer, wig, and a grotesque mask

[1:25:32] that I can only describe as something out of nothing but trouble.

[1:25:35] Scandal.

[1:25:36] And finally, when I did get the chance to briefly meet director Adam Rifkin, I said,

[1:25:41] I'm a big fan.

[1:25:42] You did The Invisible Maniac, right?

[1:25:44] To which he replied, yeah, you must be a real fan of film to know that one.

[1:25:48] He wistfully looked away for a moment and said, that was a real fun one to make.

[1:25:53] Stars.

[1:25:55] Well, that was my brief blush with the Hollywood elite.

[1:25:58] I'm sorry to say that the film isn't that great, but maybe it could make a great flop

[1:26:01] material someday.

[1:26:03] Thanks for continually making my favorite show and podcast or any other form Caleb last

[1:26:06] name withheld.

[1:26:08] Yeah, I still haven't gotten around to it.

[1:26:09] I got to track it down.

[1:26:11] Yeah.

[1:26:13] I'll do that one for you, Stuart.

[1:26:15] Thanks, Dan.

[1:26:18] Thanks for curating content just for me.

[1:26:21] Yeah.

[1:26:23] What are you, Netflix?

[1:26:25] Things Stuart might like.

[1:26:27] I figure the listeners wouldn't give a shit about it.

[1:26:30] Stuart might enjoy it.

[1:26:32] Yeah.

[1:26:33] And I would like to think that listeners like hearing Stuart happy, sad, drunk, etc.

[1:26:38] Yeah.

[1:26:39] Yeah.

[1:26:40] Those are I mean, what?

[1:26:42] Those are the five humors.

[1:26:44] Yeah.

[1:26:46] Happy, sad, drunk, sleepy and dopey.

[1:26:50] Mm hmm.

[1:26:53] Well, if there's nothing else about that, I'll move along.

[1:26:56] No, that was I thought I found that genuinely very informative and interesting.

[1:26:59] So thank you, Caleb.

[1:27:01] Yeah.

[1:27:02] This one is from Heather.

[1:27:04] Last name withheld.

[1:27:06] Langenkamp.

[1:27:07] Who writes?

[1:27:08] I'm a philosophy professor.

[1:27:10] That seems wait.

[1:27:12] Hold on.

[1:27:14] That seems like a very like that's a perfectly reasonable demand.

[1:27:17] Any help we could provide in getting Freddie out of somebody's brain.

[1:27:21] I feel like that's on us.

[1:27:23] We have the responsibility to do that.

[1:27:25] Yeah.

[1:27:26] Why is it our job?

[1:27:28] Stop falling asleep, idiots.

[1:27:30] It's not as easy as it sounds to just go to sleep.

[1:27:32] No more.

[1:27:33] It's in the title.

[1:27:35] But if that was the cure, would they do a new nightmare?

[1:27:38] Like we can't sleep anymore.

[1:27:40] I guess we're going to New York for some experimental theater.

[1:27:42] Sleep no more.

[1:27:44] It is.

[1:27:46] That's the coming to America style of picking where to go.

[1:27:48] And Freddie shows up and he's like, this is freaking me out.

[1:27:50] I understand what I'm supposed to be doing.

[1:27:52] Are they wearing masks?

[1:27:54] The anonymity freaks me out.

[1:27:56] It's like, wait a minute.

[1:27:58] If I go into that room, I'm going to miss whatever's happening in that other room.

[1:28:00] This is so stressful.

[1:28:02] The completionist in me is freaking out.

[1:28:04] I'm experiencing a real FOMO here.

[1:28:06] Heather writes.

[1:28:08] I am a philosophy professor and I was recently teaching an ancient Greek philosophy course.

[1:28:10] Appropriately teaching philosophy to ancient Greeks.

[1:28:12] I was teaching an ancient Greek philosophy course.

[1:28:14] I think either interpretation works.

[1:28:16] Yeah.

[1:28:18] We were on the subject of Plato's symposium, which includes an appearance by a historic

[1:28:20] Athenian general named, I'm going to fucking butcher this.

[1:28:22] Alcibiades.

[1:28:40] I asked my class if they're familiar with a scandal Alcibiades was involved in, known

[1:28:42] as the mutilation of the Herms.

[1:28:44] They were not.

[1:28:46] So I started to explain.

[1:28:48] There were these statues called Herms that had prominent genitalia.

[1:28:50] And on the eve of an important military expedition, someone went around Athens.

[1:28:52] And at that point, things went very wrong because the phrase that forcibly intruded

[1:28:54] itself into my mind was, ripping their ding-dongs off.

[1:28:56] I managed to wrest just enough control of myself to say, I'm going to rip their ding-dongs

[1:28:58] off.

[1:28:59] I'm going to rip their ding-dongs off.

[1:29:04] I managed to wrest just enough control of myself that what came out of my mouth was

[1:29:06] instead a squeaky, strangled ripping their genitals off.

[1:29:08] I then doubled over behind the lecture and gasping with laughter, while my class sat

[1:29:10] in stunned silence.

[1:29:12] The tenure committee's monocles fell out of their faces.

[1:29:14] Calming back down enough to resume lecturing was terrifyingly difficult.

[1:29:16] My question for you three is, have you had any other similar circumstances in which you

[1:29:18] had to try and stifle inappropriate laughter?

[1:29:20] Your loyal listeners, the audience, and the audience were not.

[1:29:22] So, your question is, have you ever had a similar situation?

[1:29:24] And if so, how did you deal with it?

[1:29:26] And if not, how did you deal with it?

[1:29:32] So, to answer your question about how to stifle

[1:29:34] inappropriate laughter, your loyal listener, Heather,

[1:29:36] the one that comes to my mind,

[1:29:38] do you remember this Elliott?

[1:29:40] It was...

[1:29:42] I don't know.

[1:29:44] Tell me more about it.

[1:29:46] Fair enough.

[1:29:48] Yeah, give them some context clues, please.

[1:29:50] We were at the Emmys one year, and they did like this like montage that...

[1:29:57] Oh, what's his face?

[1:29:59] Yeah.

[1:30:00] I can't remember, Rhodey, War Machine, Don Cheadle came out.

[1:30:07] Was that the thing where it was about the Kennedy assassination and then they tied it

[1:30:10] into the Beatles?

[1:30:11] Yeah, they're like...

[1:30:12] Sullivan, as if that solved the problem.

[1:30:14] Exactly.

[1:30:15] And so we're at like, you know, we're at this like high-class supposedly function and we're,

[1:30:22] yeah, like he has the Kennedy assassination then was like, and then the Beatles came and

[1:30:27] everyone was happy and like everyone in our group was stifling, like, so much laughter

[1:30:32] and we felt like the bad kids in the back of class.

[1:30:38] I remember that.

[1:30:39] Well, that's similar to, there was the first time I ever went to the Writers Guild Awards,

[1:30:43] which was also the only year that the show won while I was there.

[1:30:47] We were sitting all the way in the back of the theater and I was sitting next to another

[1:30:51] fellow Daily Show writer who now has gone off to do many great things, a man named Sam

[1:30:55] Means, who's now part of the Tina Fey, Robert Carlock show universe.

[1:31:00] And we were drinking more and more and getting more and more frustrated with how long things

[1:31:04] were going on and they didn't get to our category till the very end.

[1:31:07] So we were just kind of like, we went from stifling our laughter because like Edward

[1:31:11] Albee was on stage getting an honorary award and things like that to eventually just kind

[1:31:15] of like more just conversationally heckling.

[1:31:20] And it was like, looking back and I'm like, that was not very professional of us.

[1:31:24] I feel like I've had so many times in my life when I'll be in a serious situation and I'll

[1:31:29] just start thinking about something that was in like a kids in the hall sketch or something

[1:31:32] and I'll have trouble not laughing.

[1:31:34] And it's very frustrating for me.

[1:31:36] Yeah.

[1:31:37] I don't know whether you have anything, Stuart, we don't have to.

[1:31:40] Yeah, I mean, I can't think of any specific instance, but like almost every night that

[1:31:45] I'm bartending, there's at least one conversation between two very drunk people, usually somebody

[1:31:51] explaining the plot of, I don't know, fucking Dexter to somebody.

[1:31:57] And I just kind of overhear snippets of it and try not to laugh too loudly.

[1:32:03] But anyway, Dexter is real popular among the patrons at Hinterlands.

[1:32:08] I don't know.

[1:32:09] That's like one of those things that it happened.

[1:32:12] It happened a lot.

[1:32:13] And it happened a lot when I was working at Games Workshop.

[1:32:16] We had this one fucking guy who he was like a construction guy.

[1:32:20] Any days he had off, he would just sit at the painting table painting miniatures and

[1:32:25] whatever kids had off of school would be like clustered around this fucking old long beard.

[1:32:30] And he would just tell them, he would just recount like the entire plot of the first

[1:32:34] season of Battlestar Galactica to them like they're like younglings around the fucking

[1:32:39] fire.

[1:32:40] Those are the epic, the legends of their people.

[1:32:44] Yeah.

[1:32:45] That's the weirdest thing.

[1:32:46] And I'm like, I'm not getting paid enough for this.

[1:32:55] That's so funny.

[1:32:56] Like, that's totally what's going to happen when society collapses, is that old people,

[1:33:01] old nerds will just be describing in detail the plots of like episodes of the X-Files.

[1:33:06] Yeah.

[1:33:07] I mean, like Serenity.

[1:33:08] That was the best moment, probably the best scene in the Rob Cohen directed.

[1:33:13] Wait, did he direct Reign of Fire?

[1:33:16] Who directed Reign of Fire?

[1:33:19] It's in Reign of Fire where it's in the post-apocalyptic society and they're like telling the story

[1:33:24] and play acting the Star Wars trilogy, which is a huge mistake because they're like, oh,

[1:33:30] yeah, I should be watching Star Wars.

[1:33:33] I guess what we're talking about is also the plot of the play Mr. Burns, which I recommend

[1:33:37] to anyone who likes reading plays where something terrible has happened to society.

[1:33:43] And the thing that knits civilization back together again is people recounting episodes

[1:33:47] of The Simpsons to each other, trying to remember all the jokes.

[1:33:50] It's a really good play.

[1:33:53] But now is the time on the show where we recommend movies that we actually like, movies that

[1:33:58] you should spend your hard-earned time on.

[1:34:00] And that's how it works.

[1:34:01] You go to the video store and pop them in.

[1:34:05] Check your forearm and watch the hours click down.

[1:34:08] See many seconds you've earned at the job today.

[1:34:11] And if you have enough minutes to buy a hamburger or you can share some with your mom.

[1:34:22] Let's not get into old scabbles and controversies.

[1:34:24] Yeah.

[1:34:25] Anyway, so we recommend movies on the show and I'll start by recommending one called

[1:34:31] Human Highway, which is a deeply strange movie.

[1:34:38] It was directed by Neil Young and Dean Stockwell.

[1:34:44] And it was written by them plus a few other people.

[1:34:51] And listen to this cast, you got Neil Young starring in it, you have Russ Tamblyn, Dean

[1:34:58] Stockwell, Dennis Hopper and Devo are all in this movie.

[1:35:03] And if you look on the IMDb for a plot summary, here's a paragraph that someone put together.

[1:35:14] The new owner of a roadside diner stuck in the town built around an always leaking nuclear

[1:35:18] power plant plans to torch the place to collect insurance.

[1:35:21] However, an assortment of bizarre characters and weird events such as spaceship flying

[1:35:25] around gets in his way.

[1:35:27] That makes it sound like it has a coherent plot.

[1:35:30] It does not.

[1:35:31] It is exactly what you think a movie directed and written by Neil Young starring Devo would

[1:35:36] be.

[1:35:37] It is, it feels like, it feels like Repo Man by way of Pee Wee's Playhouse.

[1:35:44] And I can't say that like everyone, I saw this with a bunch of friends at a birthday

[1:35:49] party and some people had a violently negative reaction to it.

[1:35:55] And it is self-indulgent and weird and it goes off in all kinds of narrative dead ends.

[1:36:02] But there's something about it that is very 80s and fun.

[1:36:07] It feels like you're watching, if an episode of Night Flight was a movie, it kind of feels

[1:36:12] like this would be the movie.

[1:36:14] And everything ends with everyone getting blown up in a nuclear explosion.

[1:36:18] So if you like a movie that ends with that, yeah, yeah, that's I mean, that is the way

[1:36:23] Return of the Living Dead ends, right?

[1:36:25] Yeah.

[1:36:26] And the way that Dead or Alive ends.

[1:36:28] Yeah.

[1:36:29] There's a lot of connections today, guys.

[1:36:31] Oh, cool.

[1:36:32] Yeah.

[1:36:33] References.

[1:36:34] Uh-huh.

[1:36:35] Cool.

[1:36:36] So that's a movie.

[1:36:37] Elliot, you want to recommend a movie?

[1:36:38] Sure.

[1:36:39] I'm going to recommend.

[1:36:40] So the movie I saw recently that I liked the most was I finally got to see The Death of

[1:36:44] Stalin, but I think Dan already recommended that on a previous episode.

[1:36:49] But I thought that was really, really great.

[1:36:51] Two movies I watched recently that I liked and also that I feel thematically linked in

[1:36:55] a way to me, but they're not the most, they're good, but they're not the most amazing movies

[1:36:59] are the recent HBO documentary about Andre the Giant entitled Andre the Giant and the

[1:37:06] documentary about Gilbert Gottfried entitled Gilbert.

[1:37:09] So very hard to parse titles on these ones.

[1:37:13] And they both kind of follow pretty standard, you know, documentary about a famous person

[1:37:19] I feel like both of them are about people who lived kind of outside of normal society,

[1:37:27] either by virtue of Andre the Giant being physically just different from every other

[1:37:31] person in the world in a way that made it uncomfortable for him to live normally and

[1:37:35] Gilbert Gottfried being somewhat emotionally unable to live normally.

[1:37:39] And just that this was both a curse for them and also gave them the license to live in

[1:37:44] a way that would have made other people outcasts.

[1:37:48] But instead made them beloved in a big way.

[1:37:50] Yeah. And they both they're and in one case, the Gilbert one is much a much happier story

[1:37:56] and the Andre the Giant one is somewhat of a sad story.

[1:37:59] But both movies did a good job of just like telling their stories.

[1:38:03] And the thing about the Andre the Giant movie in particular is like I find professional

[1:38:06] wrestling, the actual wrestling I find very boring to watch.

[1:38:09] What? I'm fascinated by, I'm sorry, but I'm fascinated by the business of it and all the

[1:38:14] character building goes on around it.

[1:38:16] And there's something in it about how you're watching like Vincent McMahon and Hulk Hogan

[1:38:21] and a number of other people recounting plot lines that they were in with Andre the Giant.

[1:38:26] And at this point, the plot lines and their emotions at the way they think of their emotions

[1:38:30] at the time have merged.

[1:38:32] So Hulk Hogan's talking about the storyline where Andre the Giant turned bad, became a

[1:38:37] heel and did a heel turn.

[1:38:39] And he defeated him at WrestleMania three.

[1:38:41] And Hulk Hogan is talking about that in a way that he's like genuinely hurt by being

[1:38:47] betrayed by his friend Andre the Giant.

[1:38:49] And it's like it's just an interesting the movie is not about this, but it kind of hints

[1:38:53] at it the way that the characters they played have become their memories, you know, become

[1:38:58] the people they are today.

[1:39:00] And so anyway, both of those I just thought were were interesting.

[1:39:04] How is I really like that other Andre the Giant documentary, My Dinner with Andre, how

[1:39:11] does it compare to that?

[1:39:11] Yeah, that one is that one's a little slower.

[1:39:15] And I think it's I think casting Wallace Shawn in the role of Andre the Giant was a bit of

[1:39:19] a mistake. But you didn't have to think about Andre the Giant.

[1:39:23] And the thing, yeah, that's true.

[1:39:25] I mean, they saved on the budget because they didn't have to give him as much food or wine.

[1:39:28] And they figure Wallace Shawn knew Andre the Giant.

[1:39:31] They worked together in The Princess Bride.

[1:39:32] And I'm actually kind of disappointed they didn't interview him for the Andre the Giant

[1:39:35] movie. But the they figured he knows Andre the Giant's mannerisms because he observed

[1:39:40] him up close. But here's the thing I think they forgot is that the thing about Andre

[1:39:44] the Giant, like the core concept of him is he's a giant.

[1:39:47] And Wallace Shawn is actually a very small man.

[1:39:50] Wallace Shawn would be perfect to play a character like, say, I don't know, Ziggy

[1:39:54] Hollywood. Get in touch with me.

[1:39:55] I have the script. Whereas Andre the Giant, I think they lost a lot of the physical.

[1:40:00] Capacity by casting a small man with a very high-pitched voice in the role of a very large man with very deep voice

[1:40:06] But anyway, if you have HBO then I recommend Andre the Giant documentary Gilbert is on Hulu

[1:40:11] I bet you can get other places

[1:40:13] But if you have Hulu you can watch it and both of them I thought were enjoyable documentaries with a lot of and this is my

[1:40:17] Favorite thing archival video footage of performance

[1:40:21] Mmm, good stuff. I

[1:40:24] I

[1:40:25] I'm gonna recommend a movie. I saw I was lucky enough to see the

[1:40:31] BAM

[1:40:32] Cinema Fest world premiere of I think it was the world premiere of the movie. Sorry to bother you

[1:40:38] from first-time director Boots Riley

[1:40:41] Starring a bunch of very famous hot actors right now. Look eat Stanfield Tessa Thompson

[1:40:47] army hammer

[1:40:49] Terry Crews, etc

[1:40:52] You were so turned on

[1:40:56] But uh, yeah, it's

[1:41:00] It's a weirdo comedy

[1:41:03] it's a debut film from a

[1:41:07] talented and creative guy and

[1:41:10] Not all like it feels like a debut like not all the jokes always work and not everything is like the timings

[1:41:18] Not always great

[1:41:19] But there's there's something great about watching a movie you mentioned Repo man earlier and it kind of remind me of like

[1:41:26] like it it definitely

[1:41:29] Doesn't feel like a movie made by a factory

[1:41:32] and it's it's just weird and funny and

[1:41:37] Doesn't go in the direction. You were going to expect it to go

[1:41:42] yeah, I I

[1:41:44] definitely recommend I think it's a great movie and

[1:41:46] Kind of a kind of a breath of fresh air and especially amongst comedies that I've seen in the theater

[1:41:53] So sorry to bother you. I think it's I think it's should be I don't know when this podcast coming out

[1:41:58] But I think it's gonna be going to theaters in early July. So

[1:42:03] It comes out soon. Yeah, check it out

[1:42:06] One quick thing that I just remembered about my movie that I wanted to mention

[1:42:11] You made a movie after

[1:42:13] After we watched human highway

[1:42:16] It took us down a rabbit hole of looking at young and Russ Tamblyn and things. Uh-huh, and if you google rush Tamblyn

[1:42:26] Shovel dance

[1:42:28] There's a great sequence from I don't know what movie but it's just amazing seeing like what an acrobatic

[1:42:35] physical performer he was when he was young he was just amazing and

[1:42:39] You'll have a great time. If you look at that shovel dance from Russ Tamblyn

[1:42:43] Okay

[1:42:46] Google recommendation

[1:42:50] Anyway

[1:42:51] So that's it. I mean, we're all obviously tired except for Elliot who but then he has to travel so we should yeah

[1:42:58] I got to get on a plane in a little bit so that I can go back to my hometown of Los Angeles

[1:43:03] So that I can get on a plane in a few days to go to Seattle, Washington to see my best buds

[1:43:07] Oh

[1:43:09] Yeah, I have to go to Vancouver, Washington. No, not Vancouver, Washington. That'd be crazy

[1:43:16] Vancouver Canada, and then we're going up to Alaska me and Dan. That's true. Yeah. I'm sorry

[1:43:21] I'm gonna miss you guys is your guys's cruise or a

[1:43:25] very

[1:43:26] Very adorable that Dan and Stuart and Stuart's wife are going on a cruise to Alaska together

[1:43:31] And

[1:43:33] We're gonna have four other friends, I thought was just the three you guys nope

[1:43:38] That's less adorable to me. Okay. Well, I'm not going on vacation to please

[1:43:50] If it makes you feel any better we'll plan the next vacation based on how adorable you find things

[1:43:55] Yeah, yes. Okay good

[1:43:56] I mean, I would love it

[1:43:57] If it Dan and you can stew a few guys and and Stewart's lovely wife if you guys went to Japan together

[1:44:03] I would find that pretty adorable. Okay? Well, we'll think about it. All right

[1:44:07] But if we go on a vacation to Hawaii and we get mixed up in some kind of diamond smuggling operation

[1:44:14] Yeah, or you get your you find us some kind of enchanted Tiki doll that has a curse on it

[1:44:18] Oh, man, that'd be great. And then that Tiki doll comes to life and stabs one of us to death. Wait. Yeah

[1:44:24] Horrible except here's the thing if the diamond heist is because you are at a resort that's like an S&M resort

[1:44:30] I don't need to know about that. Okay, don't I don't know. I don't tell me that story

[1:44:33] You always you said that would make a great movie though

[1:44:36] Like well, I think it would be make it the beginning of my series of Dan movies

[1:44:41] I think exit to Edan would be a good be a good starter. Yeah

[1:44:45] That's the follow-up to dangerous liaisons. Okay

[1:44:49] So, yeah for the flop house, he's been Dan McCoy, okay, I've been Stuart Wellington

[1:44:54] Yeah, some of the max fun podcast Network and that's it. Peace

[1:45:00] See you soon. Don't forget him. All right. Bye. Bye Ellie Kalen in your ear. Okay deuces

[1:45:07] The

[1:45:15] Mattel day in the moment that you hit 50 did your ball sack just get super long not 50

[1:45:22] So Dan, what's it like? You're gonna be you can get the senior discount now on the bus, right? Yeah

[1:45:28] Again, I'm only 40. Oh

[1:45:31] This is 40. Yeah, so how many so you're in an unfunny semi improvisational film?

[1:45:37] throwing your real kids

[1:45:38] Yeah, so when you turn 50 and the doctor stuck his fingers

[1:45:42] How many jokes have you planned for that moment?

[1:45:46] maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #261 - The Hurricane Heist

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