Ep. #262 - Sherlock Gnomes

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Sherlock Gnomes.

[0:04] What?

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] Hey guys, I'm Stuart McCoy.

[0:40] Hey, Elliot McCoy, over here.

[0:43] It's my brother, my brother, and me.

[0:45] My brother, my brother, McCoy.

[0:48] And we're an advice podcast for the...

[0:51] For the hard of hearing. So let's start talking louder.

[0:54] Hey, here's a question.

[0:59] You're clipping, Elliot.

[1:00] You're clipping.

[1:01] Oh, sorry.

[1:02] Sorry.

[1:02] That's because I went to barber school.

[1:03] Okay.

[1:04] So, welcome back.

[1:07] We're sitting here in the old cat ranch here at Travelodge, Seattle.

[1:13] Just a couple of guys sitting around a table.

[1:16] Yep.

[1:17] As always, it's a little weird when we do one of these hotel records.

[1:21] Yeah, because there's actually hotel room services right now taking care of the beds,

[1:28] cleaning the bathroom, putting up new towels,

[1:30] setting up Dan's very elaborate demanded breakfast service.

[1:34] I thought you were going to say my sex swing.

[1:35] Nope, not what I was going to say.

[1:38] Why would I say that, Dan?

[1:39] I don't know.

[1:40] Why were you telling me?

[1:41] You're the one who said it.

[1:42] I am not the one who said it.

[1:44] Dan was telegraphing these elaborate arm motions

[1:46] that I'm assuming meant sex swing, but we just weren't reading it.

[1:49] I mean, in retrospect, I see now how what Dan was motioning

[1:53] could mean sex swing, but the idea is so far outside

[1:56] the realm of my thinking that it just didn't occur to me so dan tell us more about your hotels only

[2:00] sex swing you bring with you i guess on trips yeah i mean you have to like break the whole

[2:05] thing down it's all like a series of rods and netting you know it's just like a leather straps

[2:11] you know and like so what do you hang it on what do you do you well that's for the that's for the

[2:15] hotel to decide that's why i have to get the hotel in the hole i mean they don't love drilling into

[2:21] the ceiling but they will if you pay them enough i mean how much do you have to pay them to do that

[2:25] Oh, it's exorbitant, Elliot.

[2:27] I guess it depends on the hotel.

[2:28] Depends on the hotel.

[2:29] Depends on the swing.

[2:30] And then what do you do with it?

[2:32] I just swing around on it.

[2:33] I don't actually have sex.

[2:35] I just like having a swing.

[2:36] Uh-huh.

[2:37] Yeah, you use the fact that it's called a sex swing

[2:41] to keep interested parties away from your place

[2:43] so you're the only one able to sit in it.

[2:45] Yeah, that's right.

[2:46] It would gross them out.

[2:48] It's like a rated R type situation

[2:50] where you're keeping the kids out.

[2:51] Do you think, it would be hard,

[2:53] I've never used a sex swing.

[2:54] Let's just get all our cards out on the table.

[2:57] All our tables out on the card.

[2:58] I've never used one.

[3:00] I've never seen one in real life.

[3:01] Well, you know, everything I've known about you up to this point would have led me to believe otherwise.

[3:05] I know you –

[3:06] It's nice to have this big reveal.

[3:08] Look, it's a part of – I'm not proud of it.

[3:10] My business card does read Elliot Kalin, erotic adventurer.

[3:13] But sex swings are still outside of my – I haven't yet had that quest yet.

[3:19] But I do imagine that my reaction would be like when I am pushing someone on a swing and my thought is, I want to be on that swing.

[3:27] Like I want to be riding that swing.

[3:29] I feel like it can – I feel like those things are designed so that just anybody – like you could be in the swing, I'm assuming.

[3:36] But I mean the times when my partner is in the swing, I'm going to be like, oh, I want to be riding the swing.

[3:42] Like stop hogging the swing.

[3:43] And then you're like, now I got to buy two swings.

[3:45] That's how they get you.

[3:46] Exactly, yeah.

[3:48] It's like if one guy, if you buy a Nintendo but you only have one controller,

[3:51] you're like, I've got to buy a second controller.

[3:53] Why didn't they sell them in pairs?

[3:55] I'm going to play nothing but Mega Man.

[3:56] But if you had two swings facing each other and that's how you had sex,

[3:59] you just sort of slammed in and out of each other.

[4:01] Like one of those hanging ball desk toys that businessmen had in the 80s?

[4:06] Exactly.

[4:06] That sounds horrifying.

[4:08] Seems like a good way of breaking something.

[4:10] Forget I said anything.

[4:11] The other thing is while you're having sex,

[4:12] you've got to keep pumping your legs to keep the swing going.

[4:15] Yeah.

[4:15] And that's not easy to do.

[4:17] uh i mean it's a good workout like oh it's great cardio yeah i mean and guys i don't think we talk

[4:25] about this on the podcast enough but do your squats that's the way you stay out of a nursing

[4:29] home being able to get up out of that chair without assistance that's a good point good

[4:33] point so dan so obviously this is a bad movie podcast i thought this was a sex paraphernalia

[4:39] critical review i guess i mean that would do fantastically probably better than what we chose

[4:45] and we wouldn't have to change the name that's two that's true that's two it is two two podcasts

[4:50] under one roof a one a two podcasts uh do you think sesame street has done a count von count

[4:59] yet where he goes let's account to podcasts a one a two too many podcasts

[5:05] that's hilarious thunder crack lightning uh-huh and then there's like a little cartoon about like

[5:12] how they make toys.

[5:13] What do they do on Sesame Street, Dan?

[5:15] You watch kids' TV a lot.

[5:16] You know, like the letter I.

[5:17] And it's, you know,

[5:19] they don't really tell you

[5:20] about the uses of the letter I.

[5:21] They're just sort of saying, like,

[5:22] there's a letter I.

[5:24] And then you're like,

[5:25] okay, well, that wasn't

[5:26] really that helpful, but thanks.

[5:28] That's true.

[5:28] I remember a lot of those cartoons

[5:29] as a kid where it would be like,

[5:30] B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B.

[5:35] And you're like,

[5:35] what's the narrative thrust

[5:36] in this cartoon?

[5:38] I'm trying to figure out

[5:40] what are the stakes?

[5:41] Who am I rooting for?

[5:42] Is B trying to get Energon from the other B?

[5:47] I'll have to follow, watch the rest of this one.

[5:50] Well, it's all in Sid Field's Sesame Street writing book

[5:53] where you got to get that letter up a tree,

[5:55] throw rocks at that letter,

[5:57] and then get the letter down from the tree.

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:59] So we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[6:03] And for this episode, we watched-

[6:05] That's adorable.

[6:06] Dan's trying to keep us on track.

[6:07] A movie.

[6:08] Sid Fields.

[6:09] Now, that's short for Sidney Fields, the creator of Mrs. Fields Cookies.

[6:12] Exactly.

[6:13] Okay.

[6:14] We watched a movie called Sherlock Gnomes.

[6:17] We did?

[6:18] We did.

[6:19] I think we watched this movie.

[6:20] I wasn't fully aware when I started that this was a sequel to the film Gnomeo and Juliet.

[6:26] I mean, you must have been aware that the movie Gnomeo and Juliet existed.

[6:29] I did know it existed.

[6:31] You just didn't know that this was a direct sequel.

[6:32] I think it wasn't until the character Gnomeo probably was introduced that you're like, all of a sudden it all hits you at once.

[6:39] Like you're, it's like the usual suspect.

[6:41] I was like, oh, I didn't realize this was part of the Gnomeo and Juliet cinematic universe.

[6:45] Yeah, this is like an Avengers Infinity War situation where the classic Romeo and Juliet characters meet Sherlock Holmes, which is what we've all been waiting for.

[6:54] I mean, it's kind of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to be honest.

[6:56] Yeah, I guess so.

[6:57] But there's less sex in this one.

[7:00] Oh, you better believe it.

[7:01] Less weird Alan Moore sex.

[7:02] This continues his podcast, constant mentioning of Alan Moore's sexual privilege.

[7:07] Someday he's going to hear us in his cave in Northampton, England.

[7:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:13] And he'll be like, well, I guess that's fair.

[7:15] He'll say, it's a fair cop.

[7:16] Got me roasted.

[7:17] Stick a fork in me.

[7:19] I'm done.

[7:20] Alan Moore.

[7:21] I could use a little less right about now.

[7:23] Anyway, Dan, so do you think anyone goes into Avengers Infinity War not realizing it's a sequel to something else?

[7:31] And it's like, whoa, I am lost, fellas.

[7:33] Who are these colorful characters?

[7:37] This is such an imaginative movie to come up with so many crazy characters.

[7:43] But yeah, Sherlock, so Dan.

[7:45] So much world building.

[7:46] So Sherlock Gnomes is a sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet, which is the story.

[7:51] I haven't seen it.

[7:51] I assume of two gnomes who fall in love.

[7:53] As you're the only one who has a kid, I think you're the one who is contractually obligated to have already seen it.

[7:59] Now, every children – every movie that comes out, we have to ask ourselves two questions before we show it to Sammy.

[8:05] One, are there cars in it?

[8:06] Yeah.

[8:07] In case – if the answer is yes, just show them the movie.

[8:09] He'll watch it like a zombie and then over and over again, and then he'll talk about it for months on end.

[8:14] So like Speed Racer.

[8:15] Yeah, yeah.

[8:16] Speed Racer, Drive, The Driver, Gone in 60 Seconds, Bullet, Ronin.

[8:21] French Connection.

[8:22] French Connection.

[8:22] He loves Ronin, loves French Connection.

[8:24] Death Race 2000.

[8:25] Weirdly, he kind of prefers French Connection 2, which doesn't have that much car chase in it, but he finds Gene Hackman's performance when he is trying to kick heroin after being dosed with it once to be – he's just like this – Samuel would just be like, where was his Oscar?

[8:39] And I'm like, well, he won for French Connection, the first one, and he'd go, well, that's ridiculous.

[8:43] They should have saved it for the second one.

[8:45] Sammy really knows a lot about the history of the Oscars.

[8:47] No, just Gene Hackman.

[8:48] Oh, okay.

[8:49] He knows a lot about Gene Hackman.

[8:50] My son's favorite movie is Welcome to Mooseport, but he also loves Extreme Measures.

[8:55] Oh, wow.

[8:56] That was the one with Hugh Grant, right?

[8:58] Where the doctors were experimenting on homeless men?

[9:00] I thought Extreme Measures was the one where Andy Garcia needs to get Michael Keaton's bone marrow for his daughter's son.

[9:07] Oh, maybe that's a different one.

[9:08] Which one am I talking about?

[9:09] Since Michael Keaton, the serial killer, is the only match for his son's bone marrow.

[9:12] What's Maximum Risk?

[9:13] Maximum Risk?

[9:15] I think that has something to do with Wesley Snipes jumping out of a plane.

[9:19] Okay, what about Total Overhaul?

[9:22] Is that a movie?

[9:24] I think that's a house show.

[9:28] Yeah, what about Gut Reno?

[9:29] Is that an action movie, Gut Reno?

[9:31] That's Jean Reno and his bigger brother.

[9:34] Jean Reno opens a restaurant.

[9:36] It's basically Ratatouille, but instead of a rat, it's Jean Reno.

[9:41] And so people are like, Jean Reno in the kitchen?

[9:44] Never.

[9:44] Oh, bleh.

[9:45] This is the Hill Department.

[9:46] But anyway, so does it have cars in it?

[9:51] Yes, show it to Sammy.

[9:52] have i seen it before if the answer is yes and i like it show it to sammy if the answer is no

[9:56] who knows what i don't i don't think so you're right it is extreme measures i don't know what

[10:00] the oh okay i don't know what the michael keaton one is like desperate desperate times yes yeah

[10:05] it's called call for desperate measures maybe maybe it's called it's not nick a time because

[10:12] that's with johnny depp it's not good on the list of movies it isn't it's not tender mercy

[10:17] that's with Robert Duvall

[10:18] it's not

[10:19] Uly's Gold

[10:20] it's not Uly's Gold

[10:21] that's with Peter Fonda

[10:22] yep

[10:23] it's not

[10:24] Baby's Day Out

[10:25] that's with a baby

[10:26] it's not Angels in the Outfield

[10:27] no

[10:28] it's not Angels in the Outfield

[10:29] or Angels in America

[10:30] two very similar films

[10:31] yeah

[10:32] it's not Fat City

[10:33] that's with Stacy Keach

[10:35] Dan should I keep naming movies

[10:37] and the people who are in them

[10:39] sure

[10:39] it's not Thelma and Louise

[10:40] because that's Susan Sarandon

[10:42] it's not The Hunger

[10:42] because that's also Susan Sarandon

[10:44] it's not Dead Man Walking

[10:45] because that's Susan Sarandon

[10:47] It's not Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[10:49] That's Susan Sarandon.

[10:50] It's not Earth, Girls, or Easy.

[10:51] That's Geena Davis, who's also in Thelma and Louise with Susan Sarandon.

[10:55] Desperate Measures.

[10:57] I got it.

[10:58] So, Stuart got it.

[10:59] So, that was a lot of time wasted.

[11:01] Sherlock Gnomes, shall we?

[11:02] So, I'm not familiar with Gnomeo and Juliet.

[11:04] Well, I assume it's a very faithful retelling since Gnomeo and Juliet are still alive for Sherlock Gnomes.

[11:11] Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't seen Romeo and Juliet.

[11:14] They don't make it out.

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:16] So, Dan, you're a big Sherlock Holmes fan.

[11:19] This is true.

[11:19] Tell us a little bit about your love for The Great Detective.

[11:22] I think it comes from my childhood desire to be smarter than everyone.

[11:27] And I think that, I mean, like, that's...

[11:30] Which you gave up on eventually.

[11:31] Yeah.

[11:31] As is clear.

[11:33] Now I just decided to be the best at fumbling words.

[11:39] Wow.

[11:39] Something, an unattainable goal.

[11:41] A joke you also kind of fumbled a little.

[11:43] That's how good, he's that good, man.

[11:46] Oh, man.

[11:46] He's the best.

[11:47] He nailed it.

[11:47] So, Sherlock Holmes, tell us a little bit about this character.

[11:50] For anyone who's not familiar with, maybe the most famous character in detective fiction.

[11:53] Well, he lives at 221B Baker Street.

[11:56] This seems like not the best detail to introduce him.

[11:59] He's the one who lives somewhere?

[12:02] Tell me about these X-Men characters.

[12:04] Well, they live on Grey Malkin Lane.

[12:07] All right, he's the world's greatest detective.

[12:09] Okay.

[12:10] That's a good start.

[12:10] That helps me get a picture of him better.

[12:13] Along with Auguste Dupont, the Poe character, he kind of introduced the idea of deductive reasoning to the mystery genre.

[12:23] Before then, it had mostly been, what, seances?

[12:26] There wasn't really a mystery so much.

[12:29] Encyclopedia Brown, I think, was first, right?

[12:30] Yeah, yeah.

[12:31] Encyclopedia Brown and then Wikipedia Brown just makes shit up.

[12:34] His best friend and partner is John H. Watson, who...

[12:37] What's the H stand for?

[12:39] I don't think they ever established that.

[12:41] So let's just call him John Watson.

[12:43] I think that might have been one of those things that Conan Doyle says one thing one time and says another thing another time.

[12:50] But maybe not.

[12:52] Like how he has an injury that migrates from his leg to his arm, depending on what story we're talking about.

[13:00] Sherlock Holmes is a woman in some of the stories, right?

[13:02] Doesn't he die and regenerate into new forms?

[13:06] There's like the first Holmes, the second Holmes, the third Holmes.

[13:09] I think you're thinking of popular character The Doctor from Doctor Who.

[13:13] Doctor Who?

[13:13] Yay.

[13:16] Sound of a high five.

[13:17] Stuart nailed it.

[13:18] I mean, I could go on about Sherlock Holmes for quite some time.

[13:21] So maybe don't.

[13:21] The movie begins in the Reichenbach Falls.

[13:23] Yeah, kind of, in a way.

[13:27] Now, Dan, but Sherlock Holmes.

[13:29] So you were getting into this pretty excited because you love Sherlock Holmes.

[13:31] That's right.

[13:32] You were like, I can't wait to see how he works in this world.

[13:34] It translates to the gnome.

[13:36] This is a character that hasn't been captured in TV or film in decades.

[13:40] Yeah, yeah.

[13:41] I think he's ever been used.

[13:43] I think there's ever been a television or film by Sherlock Holmes.

[13:45] And also Dan looked at the voice credits for this movie and he saw his favorite actor, Johnny Depp, was going to be doing the voice.

[13:54] You said, I mean, I might be paraphrasing here, but you were saying it's not that you like him as an actor so much as you just like his personal life.

[14:04] I think he really knows how to handle situations.

[14:06] Yeah, that's right.

[14:07] Yeah, I was like, oh, you would never do anything abusive to anyone.

[14:11] I remember you referred to him as an empathetic and stabilizing influence, I think is what you referred to him as.

[14:18] Yeah, and probably has like completely realistic perceptions of how money works.

[14:23] Yeah, yeah.

[14:23] Doesn't like wine.

[14:24] Is not a Hollywood vampire, I think you mentioned.

[14:28] So let's make one thing clear.

[14:31] Gnomeo and Juliet, these are not like magic gnomes.

[14:34] They are ceramic garden gnomes who come to life toy story-wise because this posits a hideous fantasy world where all garden decorations actually come to life and pretend to not be alive when humans are around.

[14:49] So if you ever had sex in a garden, you were being watched by like a ceramic bird or something.

[14:53] Well, that's – I feel like that's the least likely thing to be concerned about.

[14:58] But I hate to derail the podcast already, but what's alive in this world, guys?

[15:04] I think –

[15:05] Everything.

[15:06] Alive is the story of a soccer team.

[15:09] Yeah, is that in this world?

[15:10] That crashes in the Andes.

[15:11] Yeah, yeah.

[15:11] I think that's – I think we have to assume that the story, the real-life story and the book and film Alive took place in the Gnomeo and Juliet world.

[15:17] What about the song Alive by Seattle's own Pearl Jam?

[15:21] You got to know it.

[15:22] Yeah.

[15:22] Is that the one about how they're still alive?

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] Okay.

[15:25] Yes.

[15:26] So in this world, what's alive is I think human beings, regular animals, although I don't – yeah, we see a squirrel and a dog and also anything you would place to decorate a garden and also toys and also Chinese tchotchke like salt shakers and luck cats.

[15:45] So everything is alive I guess in this, everything except furniture and buildings.

[15:48] Do they have like a weird name for everything?

[15:49] Well, anything that could be anthropomorphized I think is alive.

[15:51] Yeah, I guess – you know what?

[15:52] If it has a face, it's alive.

[15:54] But that makes me wonder then, if you arrange two eggs and a strip of bacon into a face on your plate, does it come to life and scream when you eat it?

[16:02] Is it like, it's like the whale in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[16:05] I exist all of a sudden.

[16:07] What is this world?

[16:08] No, no.

[16:09] Yeah, yeah.

[16:11] But isn't that all of us really?

[16:12] True.

[16:13] I mean, that is, I find that to be, that scene with the whale in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I think is, maybe touches me more than any, emotionally more than any other thing.

[16:20] Because it's literally this character being like, what is this?

[16:24] This is wonderful.

[16:25] There's so many great things.

[16:26] I can't wait to experience life.

[16:27] And then it's dead.

[16:28] And I'm like, well, yep, that's everybody.

[16:29] That's everybody's experience.

[16:31] So see you next time on The Flophouse.

[16:34] So why don't you just sit down and spend some more of your precious time with us?

[16:38] Yeah, this uplifting world.

[16:40] So we bummed everyone out.

[16:41] We talked about sex swings.

[16:43] Sherlock gnomes, that's right.

[16:44] So in this world, I think that's a good way to put it, Dan.

[16:48] Everything that can be anthropomorphized, that has features, is alive and can talk.

[16:53] Now, we begin with a stupid prologue where the gnomes argue about what story they're going to tell.

[16:57] We're going to skip that.

[16:58] It's just an occasion for dumb puns like Spider-Man gnome coming and stuff like that.

[17:03] Yeah, the rise and fall of the gnomon empire.

[17:05] Yeah, like fucking gnome country for old men is sitting right there, sitting right on the table.

[17:11] Yeah, so let's – and they don't say that.

[17:14] So Sherlock Gnomes, he's just what he sounds like.

[17:16] He's a garden gnome of Sherlock Holmes, and he's fighting his enemy Moriarty, who is not what he sounds like.

[17:22] He is the mascot of a pie company.

[17:25] It's like if a Bob's Big Boy, but for pies, was evil.

[17:28] And I never quite understood the logic behind this character.

[17:32] They're just trying to make it – I think they just want him to look like a goofy big baby who's crazy and has a rolling pin.

[17:37] Because rolling pins in England, of course, as we've seen in the Andy Capp comic strips, are weapons of domestic violence.

[17:43] And that's why you need a licensed-owned rolling pin.

[17:46] Very hard to get a gun, so a rolling pin is really what takes the place of guns in England.

[17:52] And Moriarty wants to smash every garden gnome in London, and Sherlock Gnomes is devoted to saving the lives of every gnome in London.

[17:59] Which is, in this world, mass murder is his goal, basically.

[18:02] Yeah, he's a bad guy.

[18:02] It's not like he's held up as an example.

[18:04] But Moriarty in the books is not like, I'm a serial killer.

[18:08] He just wants to do crimes.

[18:10] But this is a crime?

[18:11] He's the Napoleon of crime.

[18:13] Yeah.

[18:13] Now, if he's the Napoleon of crime, does that make Sherlock Holmes the Wellington of crime?

[18:17] I mean, he kind of is.

[18:19] He's shitty to everybody.

[18:22] No, I don't mean the Stuart Wellington.

[18:23] Oh.

[18:24] Yeah, then I don't know.

[18:26] Which one are we talking about?

[18:28] Boots?

[18:28] Yeah, Wellington wellies.

[18:30] So they have a big fight on a dinosaur skeleton in the otherwise empty British Museum.

[18:36] They have this British Natural History Museum that – let me just take a moment to complain about this.

[18:40] Every room in this museum has one enormous skeleton in it, no other exhibits.

[18:45] And it must have been easier to animate because this is a CGI movie.

[18:48] But it's just huge empty halls with one skeleton, no information plaques.

[18:52] So are we supposed to just walk into this museum and kind of ponder or deduct things ourselves?

[18:58] I think the way they've moved over to a digital age.

[19:01] So you're supposed to like listen to the audio to work.

[19:04] There's like a QR code that you just like scan on your phone.

[19:07] You scan on your phone.

[19:08] Remember when those were really big and everyone was using QR codes?

[19:12] There's a statue in the town of Sonoma, California, which is a little town known for its wine.

[19:18] There's a statue of the first governor of the town when it was still a Mexican – this was still a Mexican territory, Governor Vallejo or Mayor Vallejo.

[19:27] Maybe it's just Mayor.

[19:28] Boris Vallejo.

[19:28] Boris Vallejo, the painter.

[19:30] Yeah, and Julie Bell is right there.

[19:31] There's a statue of him.

[19:32] A statue, a Boris Vallejo statue that's just a muscle-bound man with women clinging to his legs.

[19:38] Yeah, that – yeah, yeah.

[19:40] I mean that's more of a – that's more of a – oh, what's his name?

[19:44] Who's the other big –

[19:46] Simon Bisley.

[19:47] No, not Simon Bisley.

[19:48] frank frisetta the women clinging to the legs is more of a frank frisetta thing okay with boris

[19:52] vallejo it's more of a like oh okay he really sculpted the ass of this barbarian like it's

[19:58] it's really i'm really he really paid a lot of attention to the glutes on this barbarian hero

[20:02] i mean he he can't shame him for understanding the physio the anatomy of a human being no look

[20:08] i'm not gonna i'm not complaining anyway uh but there's this statue that they just put up recently

[20:13] of Vallejo sitting on a bench

[20:15] and he has a book in his hand

[20:17] and there's a sculpted QR code

[20:19] just kind of slapped onto this,

[20:21] the book he's holding

[20:22] and it looks very silly.

[20:24] But you could easily miss it.

[20:25] But I feel like in 10 years,

[20:27] someone will be like,

[20:27] what is that on this statue?

[20:29] That's crazy.

[20:30] It's like if you did a statue of,

[20:31] they may put up a statue

[20:32] of George Washington in the 70s

[20:33] and they were like,

[20:34] let's just have him

[20:35] holding an eight track tape.

[20:37] Like we'll just have it

[20:38] popping out of his pocket.

[20:39] There'll be like,

[20:40] there'll be a movie

[20:41] in like 30 years

[20:42] or something

[20:43] where somebody's doing

[20:44] like a national treasure

[20:45] type mystery

[20:45] and he'll be like

[20:46] and see this

[20:47] they're like

[20:47] what the fuck's that

[20:48] like that's a thing

[20:49] called a QR code

[20:50] they used to use

[20:51] it stands for

[20:52] crazy

[20:53] so anyway

[20:55] this museum

[20:56] it doesn't work right

[20:57] but anyway

[20:57] Sherlock Gnomes

[20:59] manages to stop Moriarty

[21:00] the dinosaur skeleton

[21:02] collapses on top

[21:02] of Moriarty

[21:03] everyone assumes

[21:04] he's dead

[21:05] and Watson gives this

[21:06] kind of like

[21:06] mysterious look

[21:07] like hmm

[21:08] and it was at that moment

[21:10] that I knew

[21:10] watson was gonna turn on sherlock no that was exactly the same here i don't know is it three

[21:15] for three here so like five minutes in you're like okay so watson's gonna be a bad guy uh we cut to

[21:21] the present day i assume i don't know how long ago that was supposed to have taken place the

[21:26] older cup an older couple is moving to london i assume they're in the first movie because they

[21:30] bring their garden gnomes with them and that includes gnomio and juliet and all the gnomes

[21:35] hate the london backyard they're now in i guess they used to be in a big garden now they're in

[21:39] like a little what in a city was a beautiful backyard space but in like a suburb or in the

[21:45] country would be a little like shitty postage stamp you know yeah it kind of makes me long for

[21:50] uh seeing the sweeping vistas of the uh nomeo and juliet garden uh you really maybe you should pop

[21:57] that in now if you were moving from a like beautiful like like countryside to one of these

[22:03] places with like a tiny garden would you bring your garden decorations like would you put garden

[22:08] decorations and like a tiny city garden i mean there's there is plenty of room for them and

[22:12] they're the reason i assume that they're moving is that they can no longer handle the upkeep

[22:17] of a large country home on that kind of piece of land they're getting older dan or maybe and maybe

[22:22] they're they have children and their children have just had a young child and they want to be

[22:26] close to that young child yeah yeah and so this is all important backstory you reach you reach a

[22:30] point in your the first half of your life dan is the accumulation of things you're expanding your

[22:35] life expands and with it your kind of footprint in the world expands and you reach a point in

[22:39] your life where that footprint begins to contract that's when the when you the whale are getting

[22:44] closer to the ground exactly yes yeah and you start to divest yourself of things whether by

[22:50] choice or by not and i remember uh see visiting my grandmother uh in a like hospital for old people

[22:57] and she was like basically sleeping in a hospital bed and she just had like three things she used

[23:02] have this big house full of stuff from her travels around the world and she just had these three

[23:06] statues from africa that she had brought on a shelf and like one book and i was like oh like

[23:11] that's what happens when you get to certain ages you to get ready for divesting yourself of your

[23:16] mortal shell you begin to divest yourself of physical objects well i mean thank you for

[23:21] bringing the podcast back down all i all i was gonna say was that it seems like the more likely

[23:26] sequel to nomio and juliet would be them in in a secondhand story where they've been sold off

[23:31] Well, let me explain.

[23:32] So they bring these.

[23:33] They're like, these are our children.

[23:34] These are our spiritual children.

[23:36] We have to bring them with them.

[23:37] And now their real kids are going to be like, we've got to talk to mom and dad about the garden gnomes.

[23:42] We've got to get rid of these garden gnomes.

[23:44] They can't take care of them anymore.

[23:45] Oh, ba-do-ba-do.

[23:47] Bingo.

[23:49] Hit it.

[23:49] I've got blisters on my fingers.

[23:51] That's from Helter Skelter.

[23:54] Anyway.

[23:54] Thanks.

[23:55] So among these gnomes are Gnomeo and Juliet.

[23:58] They are, I'm just going to say it.

[24:00] Are they an annoying couple to you guys?

[24:01] What do you – well, do you mean because Gnomeo is voiced by like the chavviest James McAvoy?

[24:09] Like James McAvoy, known for being kind of like a cool posh dude, is like, I'm going to slum it up with this accent.

[24:16] I'm east-endering it up with this one.

[24:17] I'm calling everyone mate.

[24:18] Yeah.

[24:19] And just I think more because they like kind of like joke with each other and like rub noses and stuff.

[24:24] There's a part where they hold each other's hands and spin around and stars fly out.

[24:29] And this goes on for like 70 minutes.

[24:32] I remember watching it and being like,

[24:33] well, they're still spinning around.

[24:34] You're like, is this goddamn Elton John song on repeat?

[24:37] What's going on?

[24:38] That's the other thing.

[24:39] So this was a mystery to me until Dan cleared it up for me,

[24:43] is that this movie is obsessed with Elton John.

[24:45] Almost every song on the soundtrack is an Elton John song,

[24:48] even when it doesn't make sense.

[24:49] Even the orchestral score includes pieces of Elton John songs.

[24:54] So Dan, what's that all about?

[24:55] It's co-produced by Elton John's, it's called Rocket Pictures or Rocket Films or something like that.

[25:01] Rocket Man Films?

[25:02] Exactly.

[25:02] Because that's an Elton John song?

[25:04] Exactly.

[25:04] And it's specifically for family movies.

[25:08] Wait, those aren't true.

[25:09] What?

[25:11] Rocket Man isn't an Elton John song.

[25:13] Yeah, it is.

[25:14] No, Crocodile Rock is.

[25:16] Rocket Man is David Bowie.

[25:17] No, that's Space Oddity.

[25:18] You're thinking Starman.

[25:19] Or Space Oddity.

[25:21] Wait, what's Rocket Man?

[25:22] I'm a Rocket Man.

[25:25] because i'm a rocket man electric socket man

[25:31] you got a grocket man that's a heinlein reference don't fight with us the two big

[25:37] elton john heads in the room yeah yeah we're a bunch of johnos yeah we're big elt butts

[25:42] i'm taking a time out we're from the uh we're from the uh benevolent protected order of elts

[25:48] uh so anyway so elton john is a producer of the film is what you're saying yes or his company is

[25:54] Yes.

[25:54] Because there's a part where you see an Elton John gnome for a moment in one scene.

[25:58] Yeah, and you're like, why?

[25:58] And like, why?

[25:59] It's a contemporary reference.

[26:01] Yeah, and I wasn't sure if it was like one of these things where, like, Lonely Island is with, what's his name?

[26:08] Who's that singer that nobody likes?

[26:10] I have no idea.

[26:10] Michael Bolton.

[26:11] Michael Bolton, where you just choose like kind of an older musician.

[26:13] Guys, I'm out of the penalty box.

[26:15] Yeah, you remembered Michael Bolton.

[26:16] Okay.

[26:17] What I like is there are two David Bowie songs you might have gotten Rocketman mixed up with.

[26:22] I was thinking about recently, if you were going to name the top 10 most influential science fiction writers of the 20th century, I think you'd have to put David Bowie on that list.

[26:32] It's hard for me to think of a big influential – of any sort of art who was that science fiction-y in his work and in a way that I feel like his fans didn't look at necessarily.

[26:47] But you look at David Bowie's stuff, and there's so much stuff about aliens or altered perceptions or things like that, how time can change me, but I can't trace time.

[26:56] He was going to do an adaptation of 1984 in music form, which turned into the Diamond Dogs album, which I learned that this is David Bowie, or this is Bowie, whatever.

[27:05] That exhibit.

[27:05] I'm going to do a little ad for the Brooklyn Museum David Bowie exhibit, which I think is almost closed now.

[27:10] It's a great museum, though.

[27:11] It's still worth going to.

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:12] Come on, support the arts.

[27:13] They've got some good stuff.

[27:14] they've got uh and if you go to the brooklyn museum go to the visible storage section it's

[27:19] pretty cool okay a little tip from elliot go a few blocks away and throw rocks at dan's window

[27:25] smash them uh but anyway uh we can talk about david bowie later or not i'm not that big a fan

[27:32] of his i just like that he's a science fiction oh wow now that he's dead now that now that the

[27:38] boaster now that he and i are no longer friends because he's dead i can finally say what i think

[27:42] which is that

[27:42] he's fine

[27:43] oh wow

[27:44] jeez wow

[27:45] okay

[27:45] I just remember

[27:46] when he passed

[27:47] and everyone was like

[27:47] there's no god anymore

[27:49] the stars have fallen

[27:50] out of heaven

[27:50] and I was like

[27:51] yeah he's really good

[27:51] anyway

[27:52] it's like

[27:53] that's the way I'll feel

[27:54] when like

[27:54] John Cleese passes

[27:55] but then when

[27:56] Vinnie Paul from Pantera

[27:57] dies

[27:58] I was like

[27:58] no

[27:59] ripping his shirt

[28:01] how will I ever

[28:01] walk again

[28:02] Daniel's like

[28:04] Sammy you need to

[28:05] leave daddy alone

[28:05] for a while

[28:06] I'm like Sammy

[28:07] a cowboy went back

[28:07] to hell today

[28:08] so anyway uh juliet's parents i guess are like the king and queen of the gnomes

[28:18] they name nomio and juliet the new leaders the winter is coming and i guess the and so that

[28:23] means beyond the wall the uh the ice people are attacking some kind of snow zombies uh and

[28:29] meanwhile there's another gnome they're friends with who has a crush on a statue of a frog

[28:32] And Benny voiced by, what, Matt Lucas?

[28:35] Now, this frog, by the way, is supposed to be an analog to the nurse from Romeo and Juliet, which I only found out.

[28:44] And is Benny supposed to be like Mercutio?

[28:46] Because he's nothing like him.

[28:47] He's not like Tybalt either.

[28:49] I can't remember.

[28:50] I went to the Wikipedia page for Romeo and Juliet, and all of these characters that don't seem like anything are supposed to be analogs for characters.

[28:58] Like Fiery Tybalt was killed in Gnomeo and Juliet.

[29:02] Maybe.

[29:03] Somebody had to have been.

[29:04] Yeah.

[29:04] Okay, so you're saying in Gnomeo and Juliet,

[29:06] these characters were created for Gnomeo and Juliet,

[29:08] and now they're just kind of like stuck in this new movie.

[29:10] Exactly.

[29:11] So they don't really fit.

[29:12] Okay.

[29:12] Because I was like,

[29:13] I don't care about this other gnome and his crush on this frog.

[29:16] And the frog is voiced by, what's that actress's name that's great?

[29:19] From Extras and Catastrophe?

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:22] Oh, what is her name?

[29:23] Dan, you're the one who looked at the Wikipedia page.

[29:24] Yeah, but she's pretty.

[29:27] everything i'm not sure like homes i don't retain everything maybe you should i gotta say uh a lot

[29:33] of this movie oh ashley jensen yeah she's great yeah she is great uh a lot of times people would

[29:38] show up and i'd hear a voice and i'm like is that fucking james corden yeah i did that over and over

[29:44] i thought that moriarty was was james corden i thought that nomeo was james corden especially

[29:50] when he's when he's did his uh gnome pool carry gnome key yeah yeah uh yeah james corden not in

[29:57] this film but it is the kind of but he was in the emoji movie which we watched i don't know we

[30:01] haven't released that episode yet have we done no we haven't released okay so get ready we will

[30:04] we'll talk about james corden in that one true believers face front excelsior as seen in that

[30:09] episode uh that's a story for another time like the giant rat of sumatra sherlock holmes sherlock

[30:14] gnomes so sherlock misses having an enemy now that moriarty is dead and he clearly doesn't respect

[30:19] watson he just doesn't give him any respect he turns i gotta say that i can't believe you just

[30:25] stepped on his uh his rodney dangerfield bit over here oh sorry no it's too late now or rover

[30:32] doggerfield i can't tell which one i think it's just rover dangerfield now that's crazy our new

[30:40] character rover dogger pup as you can tell he's a rover he's a ronnie dangerfield parody why would

[30:45] i'd be able to tell that his name has been mangled into incomprehensibility his name is

[30:52] rover dog or fido is that a hearty fire scene character what is i don't understand

[30:58] uh what i was going to say though sorry about interrupting was that like don't be dan turn

[31:05] about his fair play sherlock holmes the original character is uh and sort of an arrogant cold man

[31:11] But he's still likable, in part because of his devotion and friendship with Dr. Watson.

[31:16] Now, how do you feel about—I feel like this Sherlock Holmes is less a take on the stories and more a take on the Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock Holmes.

[31:23] Could be. Could be.

[31:24] How do you feel about this understanding of Sherlock Holmes, much the way that every Marvel hero, like Doctor Strange, is now Iron Man, a wiseass who is a real fuck-up, but he's a hero in the end.

[31:36] Even the characters that shouldn't be like that, like Doctor Strange.

[31:38] How do you feel about every Sherlock Holmes now being like kind of a sociopath who is mean to other people?

[31:43] Yeah, or like Johnny Lee Miller who's basically old Sheldon, like an old version of young Sheldon, old grown up.

[31:48] Well, that's the second part of my thought is that like –

[31:51] I'm glad I teed it up.

[31:52] You're welcome.

[31:52] This Sherlock Gnomes is so much less likable than Sherlock Holmes because he's such an asshole to his gnome Dr. Watson.

[32:00] Yeah, Dr. Watson gnome.

[32:02] There's no – I just feel like you're watching this thing and you're like, why am I supposed to care about this guy?

[32:07] like what this gnome why am i supposed to care about this gnome this gnome is an asshole yeah

[32:12] i think that when you watch a movie and you find yourself asking the question why am i supposed to

[32:16] care about this gnome i feel like the movie has failed in that moment or moment as you might say

[32:22] and you just want to go and listen to the work of klaus know me or in the gnome world klaus know me

[32:28] so anyway uh sherlock is not respecting watson gnomes are disappearing again uh-oh just like

[32:35] when Moriarty was around.

[32:36] And there's a TV news story about it

[32:38] where they mention Sherlock Gnomes.

[32:40] And so I'm like, wait a minute.

[32:41] Is the TV news making a joke

[32:43] or is Sherlock Gnomes famous?

[32:44] I was kind of into it

[32:47] because I kind of was into this bit

[32:49] because it was like,

[32:50] they'd seem like they were kind of,

[32:52] it was a moment of self-aware,

[32:53] like winking at the audience.

[32:55] Yeah, like they ended the TV segment

[32:58] by being like, why are we reporting on this?

[33:00] This is not a story.

[33:01] Or they go like, some say it's a mis, a catastrophe.

[33:03] Others, it's a slow news day.

[33:05] So there are a few jokes in this movie that are funny jokes.

[33:07] This was a funnier movie than I thought it would be.

[33:10] Still not – I wasn't laughing a lot, but there were funny things.

[33:13] Okay, so back to the gnomes.

[33:15] We're introduced to the horror that is Mankini Gnome, who is a gnome wearing a mankini with like a foreign-y accent.

[33:21] So it's like, is this a takeoff on Borat?

[33:23] I think it's a Borat thing because it's the same – it's the same mankini.

[33:26] And just the general joke that like Europeans are – often wear small swimsuits.

[33:33] Okay.

[33:33] They're just so advanced, I think.

[33:36] Yeah, that's what we'll all be wearing in the future.

[33:38] Yeah, we'll just change out of our silver jumpsuits that cover our entire body.

[33:42] And underneath that silver jumpsuit is a slingshot swimsuit.

[33:46] Yeah, slingshot, thong, slim suit.

[33:49] Because they're very slimming.

[33:50] I mean, you know.

[33:52] Juliet is so focused on making the garden work that she's not paying attention to Gnomeo.

[33:57] Gnomeo's all like, what about our relationship?

[34:00] I'm a baby man.

[34:02] And it's like, and we're supposed to sympathize with Gnomeo here, but there was part of me that was like, you guys have a big job to do.

[34:08] Like, finish the job.

[34:10] Juliet is still your love.

[34:12] Like, she can be interested in work and not be interested in you.

[34:15] Anyway, Gnomeo, there's only one solution.

[34:17] Go on a spy mission to steal a flower for her from a florist shop.

[34:20] He almost gets caught, though.

[34:22] Did this tie into the main plot at all?

[34:25] I can't remember.

[34:26] No, it's what you would call a side quest.

[34:27] It got the two of them out of the garden so that when the rest of them all get scooped up.

[34:33] And also it gives Juliet an opportunity to get mad at Gnomeo for endangering himself.

[34:38] So they have an argument.

[34:39] When they get back, all the other gnomes are gone.

[34:41] It removes them from there.

[34:43] Sherlock and Moriarty show up because Sherlock has deduced that –

[34:46] Sherlock and Watson.

[34:47] Oh, sorry.

[34:48] Sherlock and Watson.

[34:48] Oh, boy.

[34:50] Sherlock, he thinks Moriarty is back.

[34:53] He's deduced that that garden will be hit next.

[34:54] All the gnomes are gone.

[34:55] so now uh sherlock and watson and there's a moriarty calling card there right yes there is

[35:02] which is a literally a card with an m on the back and a clue on the front now to deduce the clue

[35:06] sherlock does the first of a few times when he goes into his like memory palace in his brain

[35:11] in 2d animation and i gotta admit i love these sequences yeah they're pretty cool and it was

[35:16] like what they did a great job with them they're super inventive and i was like oh right because

[35:22] 2D animation is amazing

[35:24] because you can do anything with it

[35:26] and it does like it made me realize

[35:28] that moment I was like I would like this movie a lot more

[35:30] if it was not a CGI movie

[35:32] yeah it's true CGI I haven't thought

[35:34] about it before but the CGI cartoons are sort of tethered

[35:36] to reality in a way that 2D stuff isn't

[35:38] very much so with CGI

[35:39] the choice seems to have made a certain point

[35:42] that the purpose of CGI animation

[35:44] is to get as close to reality as

[35:46] possible and by doing that you lose

[35:48] a lot of what I'm going to call the plasticity

[35:50] of animation yeah like forms can no longer bend and change because they have to seem real

[35:54] and i think part of that's because when you're drawing you can do whatever the fuck you want

[35:59] you're just drawing a picture but with a computer you need to work out the physics and the mechanics

[36:03] of it so that it doesn't look weird and messed up when it's when it animates a uh task that the

[36:08] makers of food fight uh failed yeah but in a weird way i'm like it makes me look back at food fight

[36:14] and go like oh at least like the characters in that were looked like weird cartoon characters

[36:17] They were hideously ugly and awful, but like it just reminded me like, oh, like 2D animation.

[36:24] If you look at like the old Warner Brothers cartoons or like old Disney stuff, like there's no limit.

[36:29] All the non-racist stuff.

[36:31] The stuff that's not – I'm not saying go watch Isle of Pingo Pongo or anything like that.

[36:34] A buddy of mine hosted a – like a breakfast cereal and animation thing where he did a curated like three to six-hour block of animation.

[36:46] It was animation through decades.

[36:48] Oh, cool.

[36:48] And it started, and man, I've seen that presentation in various forms a couple times.

[36:54] And that bit with, what's Mark Anthony, the dog and the tiny little cat?

[36:59] Oh, yeah, feed the kitty.

[37:00] I could watch that fucking cartoon every day.

[37:03] That's a great cartoon.

[37:03] And it's not just because of the fetishizing of the housewife who wears high heels while baking stuff.

[37:10] I've seen that cartoon with, like, a crowd, like, three or four times, and it always works, like, gangbusters on everyone, and, like, everyone's, like, on the verge of tears at various points.

[37:20] So, yeah, when Mark Anthony thinks that the kitty got made into cookies, you're like, whoa.

[37:25] Yeah, it's a sweet cartoon.

[37:28] And you're also like, Disney cartoon, like, this kind of cartoon, it's Warner Brothers.

[37:32] Warner Brothers, yeah.

[37:33] That's back in the day when, like, they could chop this kitty up, right?

[37:37] Like, there's a hint of danger.

[37:40] Well, there's – you couldn't – it's – Warner Brothers would never go quite that far.

[37:43] Like the story I always heard about Tex Avery was he left Warner Brothers because there was an early Bugs Bunny cartoon he did where Bugs Bunny is being chased by this dog and they fall off a cliff and they're going, ah, and you believe that they died.

[37:57] And then they go, fooled you, and then it abruptly cuts to black.

[38:01] And what was originally happens in that cartoon is they then step off a cliff for real and die for real and it ends with their tombstones.

[38:09] And Warner Bros. was like, we're not really going to kill these characters.

[38:10] And Tech Savory left.

[38:11] And then he went to MGM where they would allow him to kill the characters.

[38:14] There's a Screwy Squirrel cartoon that ends with Screwy Squirrel having been murdered by a dog.

[38:20] And Screwy Squirrel has X's on his eyes and he holds up a sign that says, sad, isn't it?

[38:23] But like – so I guess what I'm saying is CGI feels like it has hit a cul-de-sac in a weird way.

[38:30] And seeing these 2D sequences where there's –

[38:32] You peaked at reboot, right, is what you said.

[38:34] I said reboot was the crest and everything after.

[38:38] It's much like when a –

[38:39] He did the Dire Straits video.

[38:41] It peaked with Weird Al's Beverly Hillbillies parody of the Dire Straits video.

[38:46] It was like – it was –

[38:52] At least there's no like problematic verses in the Weird Al Yankovic version.

[38:55] I hope not, yeah.

[38:56] He avoids any slurs in it, yeah, except for a hillbilly.

[39:00] I mean you could argue that it's a parody, but still, you know.

[39:04] But there's that – in these 2D animation scenes, there's just like an inventiveness there that there's all these tiny little Sherlock's running around and like there's –

[39:12] Yeah.

[39:12] The dimensions of the screen are moving around a lot and it's – anyway, it just is really cool.

[39:16] So nice – whoever did those sequences, nice work.

[39:19] Yeah, there was a moment where I'm like, I'm going to have to say something that I genuinely like about this movie.

[39:24] Never thought I'd say this, but here's the part I liked about Sherlock gnomes.

[39:28] Anyway, we'll speed through.

[39:29] Sherlock and Watson race off to the next – where the next clue takes them.

[39:33] Gnomeo and Juliet follow along.

[39:34] There's a tidal wave action scene in a sewer pipe set to a guitar version of I'm Still Standing.

[39:38] And this is when I started realizing there's a lot of Elton John in this movie.

[39:41] Watson says they have 24 hours to follow Moriarty's clues before he smashes all the gnomes.

[39:47] The first clue leads them to a trinket shop in Chinatown.

[39:50] There's a tiny salt shaker voiced by James Hong.

[39:53] And there's a lot of, like, luck cats everywhere that they have to run away from.

[39:56] I was slightly uncomfortable with the design of the salt shaker, the Asian salt shaker.

[40:00] Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how racist it was.

[40:03] I'm with you.

[40:03] I mean, but James Hong is great.

[40:05] Oh, sure.

[40:06] James Hong is fantastic.

[40:07] I've loved James Hong since I was a kid.

[40:09] And his comic timing is great in it.

[40:11] Oh, yeah.

[40:12] But I was like, in my notes, I go, it's all somewhat racist.

[40:15] Or is it?

[40:16] It made me uncomfortable.

[40:18] But Sherlock, he did something in that place that they didn't like, so they chase him out.

[40:23] Gnomeo argues with Sherlock, and Juliet takes Sherlock's side.

[40:27] Uh-oh.

[40:27] So Gnomeo runs off with Watson to the Natural History Museum.

[40:30] And Sherlock tells Juliet, you're probably going to break up.

[40:33] He goes, it's a 99% chance you and Gnomey are going to break up.

[40:37] And she goes, what?

[40:37] And he goes, well, I rounded down a little bit.

[40:39] But then they see a dragon.

[40:41] Uh-oh, it's a gargoyle that attacks Gnomey Owen Watson.

[40:45] So gargoyles are alive in this universe?

[40:48] Yes.

[40:48] And are they protectors like they are in the cartoon show?

[40:52] Not like the cartoon at all.

[40:53] They are big, dumb, low-class bad guys.

[40:57] And apparently they can fly around even though they're made of cement.

[41:00] Okay, Dan, now you raise a good point.

[41:03] How do they get up in the air since they're made out of cement?

[41:06] I mean, I don't know.

[41:08] I don't understand Bernoulli's principle enough to explain how this works.

[41:12] I would have guessed that was the case.

[41:14] No offense, Dan.

[41:15] If you said to me, well, here's how Bernoulli's principle works,

[41:18] I think my eyes would have popped out of my head.

[41:20] Like when you're wearing glasses or else I'd have to just hit the table.

[41:24] I've also just bounced right back.

[41:25] I have a basic understanding about it.

[41:26] It's something about how the air has to move faster on top of the wing

[41:30] than below it, which creates lift, but...

[41:32] Pardon me while my eyes pop out of my head right now.

[41:34] So, it raises the question,

[41:36] a gargoyle is like literally a block of stone

[41:40] that's been chiseled.

[41:40] Yeah.

[41:41] But so do they have,

[41:42] they can expand their wings and move around.

[41:44] Do they have like skeletons and understructures?

[41:46] I mean, it's the same thing where it seems like...

[41:48] Some of the garden gnomes,

[41:49] like the smaller, more minion-y type garden gnomes,

[41:52] can't seem to move their arms or legs or anything

[41:55] and just kind of bounce around.

[41:56] Yeah, and then there's the one gnome

[41:57] who's like attached to the toilet.

[41:59] on a toilet all the time,

[42:00] but then he gets up

[42:01] from the toilet later on.

[42:02] Does he?

[42:03] He jumps up to dance

[42:04] and it's like,

[42:05] but then later he makes Watson

[42:06] carry him on the toilet

[42:07] and it's like,

[42:08] dude, we saw you get up

[42:09] off of that toilet.

[42:10] Just get off

[42:11] and carry your own toilet.

[42:12] So like,

[42:13] it's questionable.

[42:15] I don't think we can do

[42:16] any hard or fast rules

[42:17] about what can or can't

[42:18] work in this universe.

[42:19] Okay, so the gargoyles

[42:21] attack Gnomeo and Watson.

[42:22] This is after Watson

[42:22] has dropped another clue

[42:23] that he's a bad guy.

[42:24] He goes,

[42:25] we all have our good

[42:25] and bad sides.

[42:26] Sherlock, me.

[42:27] Looks at the camera.

[42:28] He looks at the camera

[42:29] holds up a sign that says i'm a bad guy and and chew a tail jf or who does the voice like i'm

[42:35] gonna be as ominous as possible i'm gonna channel my children of men voice uh oh what a good movie

[42:41] so watson in the in the conflict plummets from a roof and we hear a shattering uh-oh watson is

[42:46] dead and nomio gets kidnapped and juliet is horrified that sherlock isn't sadder that his

[42:51] friend watson died i'm horrified too as a sherlockie well but there is a sherlock i thought

[42:58] it was lockheeds i thought they were john holmes's it was a sherlock holmes fans yeah i don't have any

[43:06] other ones you guys are gazing at me as if i'm gonna contribute uh they call themselves slylock

[43:11] foxes all right so dan are you more of a sherlock holmes fan or a slylock fox fan i'm a max mouse

[43:16] fan personally wow really i think you just wanted to say that name dan have you ever gone to london

[43:22] and like tried to find 221b baker street i've been to 221b baker street yeah they've got a museum

[43:26] there of what fake stuff yeah they've recreated sherlock holmes fake apartment you know there's

[43:32] like you know tobacco and his persian slipper and uh victoria regina uh initial excuse me

[43:39] the wall with bullets uh everything from the do you think when queen victoria was around

[43:46] when people would say victoria regina they would then go because it sounds so much like vagina

[43:51] probably i mean i don't know it was the victorian period they were they were repressed but they

[43:56] They had their little stuff going on underneath the surface.

[43:58] That's true.

[43:59] That's true.

[44:00] They were pretty kinko, much like that sex shop, Kinko's.

[44:04] I was so surprised to me how you go to small towns, and then right there in the strip mall, there's this sex store called Kinko's that's huge.

[44:13] They're enormous, and people are just walking in and out like it's no big deal.

[44:16] They just walk in and have sex with the Xerox machines.

[44:19] And you're like, can I get a pair of sex swings?

[44:22] They're like, only comes in ones.

[44:23] Well, can I buy two ones?

[44:26] no the second one is is twice the price for some reason it's actually buy one get the second one

[44:33] much more expensive uh okay so nomio's uh no you'll get kidnapped uh juliet and sherlock the

[44:40] only thing you can do now is wander through a modern art museum where sherlock goes to find

[44:44] inspiration and nomio and juliet realized she realized she misses nomio even though they had

[44:48] one fight she still misses the love of her life when he's been kidnapped by a dragon monster

[44:53] gnomeo finds he's been taken by the gargoyles to a big gnome dance party all the gnomes are there

[44:59] and they're having a great time but he's pretty sure it's a trap and they're all gonna get smashed

[45:03] more elton john music yeah there's lots of elton john music i think it's philadelphia freedom is

[45:07] what they're dancing to like a club version and mankini gnome is dancing his heart out he loves

[45:11] it it's his favorite thing you see a lot of gnome butt yeah this movie so and there's a there's a

[45:16] fair amount of like gnome homophobia for like you beat me to it dan that's directed toward mankini

[45:25] like the idea so i feel like i i don't know i got that impression that like the other male gnomes

[45:30] were put off by his uh exhibitionism huh i thought that they were very accepting yeah i thought they

[45:34] were all into it okay maybe i mean the fact that his maybe i brought something different with me

[45:39] that's on me i guess i mean robin wood would say that you bring yourself to the film no matter what

[45:45] No matter what.

[45:46] No matter what.

[45:47] Or I guess maybe it's not him, but in the essay, The Immediate Experience, it talks about how the reviewer has to admit that he is a human being who has gut reactions to things.

[45:57] And so you can't – there's nothing you can watch objectively.

[46:00] You always bring your frame of reference to it.

[46:02] So maybe that's what's going on here.

[46:03] Maybe I saw a bit of myself in Mancini.

[46:07] I think that's – because as we all know, Stewart is very uncomfortable with his own body, other men's bodies.

[46:11] That's one thing we know about Stewart.

[46:15] Because they seem pretty okay with Mancini's butt just being out.

[46:20] But then when Toilet Gnome stands up for a moment to dance, everyone is horrified by his butt.

[46:24] Because he hasn't wiped.

[46:24] Oh, that's what it is.

[46:26] Oh.

[46:27] Wait.

[46:28] So you're telling me that there is ceramic poop stuck to his butt?

[46:33] I assume so.

[46:34] Like what gnome artisan is so, so perfectionist that he's like, you know what?

[46:40] I'm crafting a gnome sitting on a toilet.

[46:43] No one's going to ever know that this gnome has a little splotch of brown paint on his butt.

[46:47] But I'm going to know.

[46:48] I'm going to know, yeah.

[46:49] I'm going to gnome.

[46:50] And so I have to make sure.

[46:51] Like when someone hides a little something in a work of art that only they're going to know about.

[46:57] But here's what I was going to say.

[46:58] I first encountered this film as a trailer before the film Ferdinand, which I took my son to go see because we were—

[47:04] Because there's a car in it?

[47:05] There are cars in it.

[47:07] Okay.

[47:07] We were trapped in New York.

[47:09] El Malone 2.

[47:10] El Malone 2, trapped in New York.

[47:13] because there's a mysterious dome around the city

[47:17] and Kevin McAllister can't get out

[47:19] and the city falls into chaos.

[47:20] We were trapped in New York.

[47:22] Our flight home had been canceled.

[47:24] It was the coldest winter New York in 100 years.

[47:26] And we were like, let's go to the movies.

[47:28] We went to see Ferdinand.

[47:29] The trailer for Sherlock Gnomes was almost all butt jokes.

[47:33] Mankaney's butt, toilet gnome butt,

[47:36] a part where Sherlock Gnomes is shaking his butt

[47:39] in front of Juliet.

[47:39] And I was like, ugh, come on.

[47:42] And watching this movie, it's like, oh, every butt joke in the movie is in the trailer.

[47:45] Yeah.

[47:46] Like, they know what kids like.

[47:47] Kids find butts hilarious.

[47:48] Yeah.

[47:49] As my son.

[47:50] And adults, too.

[47:50] And adults.

[47:51] My son's favorite phrase now is booty butt, which he says all the time.

[47:55] I do not care for it.

[47:56] Get him a t-shirt.

[47:57] It just says booty butt on it.

[47:58] But anyway, so.

[48:00] If you take the phrase and put it in a t-shirt, he will grow out of it just like the phrase will.

[48:06] Wait.

[48:07] I was trying to turn that into some kind of curse.

[48:12] uh okay interesting yeah trying to weave a spell around this uh how to get your kid to stop to

[48:18] stop saying booty butt yeah i mean it's better than the other thing he says a lot which is about

[48:22] how he's going to cut my hands off and and cut my head off and stuff like that wow that's just

[48:26] that's just four-year-old boy stuff like all right i used to i mean this starts torturing

[48:30] animals just let me know i told danielle i said if he's not wetting his bed lighting fires or

[48:35] torturing animals we're doing okay if he starts doing two of those three things we're in trouble

[48:39] When I was a little kid, the invective I would throw at my mother whenever I was angry is that I was going to crush her bones and throw them out the window.

[48:48] I think I've mentioned that one.

[48:50] That's pretty good.

[48:51] So it's probably a trap, this dance party.

[48:54] The gargoyles seem pretty sinister.

[48:56] And so Sherlock and Juliet, their next clue takes them to the park where Sherlock was once bitten by a dog, and they're in a squirrel costume.

[49:04] Yeah, it's like the Hound of the Baskervilles reference is thrown in there.

[49:08] Yeah, and there's a chase scene with a riding mower.

[49:10] They're chased by a spectral hound across the moors.

[49:13] It turns out that it's not really a ghost.

[49:16] And then Alain de Botton writes a whole book about how Sherlock Holmes picked the wrong guy in the story, taking advantage of – have you ever read Sherlock Holmes Was Wrong?

[49:27] No.

[49:27] It's a book about – basically he's like taking advantage of plot holes in the story to explain that it was actually a different person who was the murderer and Sherlock fell for the real bad guy.

[49:36] Like the original Honest Trailers or something.

[49:39] Kind of, yeah.

[49:40] In a way, yeah, that's exactly what it is.

[49:42] And so – but we're learning that these clues are sending Sherlock to places where he has had embarrassing things in the past that he has to face.

[49:51] He is not liked at the Chinese trinket shop.

[49:53] He was bitten by this dog.

[49:55] He has to go visit a former love.

[49:56] He's got to go to a doll museum or store or something where his former love, Irene, named after Irene Adler, right?

[50:02] Voiced by Mary J. Blige.

[50:04] And also, like, the person who opens the door at Irene Adler's place is Gregson,

[50:10] which is the name of the other big Scotland Yard detective other than Lestrade.

[50:16] Oh, I didn't know that.

[50:18] Was there a Lestrade in the movie?

[50:20] No, there wasn't.

[50:21] It was interesting that they went with Gregson.

[50:23] I thought they were like, we're going to be subtle for once in this movie.

[50:26] We're not going to take the road most traveled.

[50:30] We're going to take the road slightly less traveled.

[50:33] They also take the road very less traveled in that when going to see his ex-fiancee Irene, who is a doll, she does not explain anything about the plot but instead has an entire R&B song about how she doesn't need him and she's super strong now that has no bearing on the plot.

[50:48] And this – it was one of these weird things where I was like, if this movie was a musical, you wouldn't have to have an explanation for this scene.

[50:54] I'd just take it in stride.

[50:54] But this movie is not a musical.

[50:56] This is the only scene where the characters break into song.

[50:59] So it seemed very out of place.

[51:00] It was like if The Music Man was a drama, and then suddenly Buddy Hackett starts singing Shapoopy, and you're like, what the hell is this?

[51:08] I don't understand why this is happening.

[51:11] But because The Music Man is a musical, when Buddy Hackett starts singing Shapoopy, you just go, well, every musical's got one crap song, and this is it.

[51:18] Yeah, and this was my cue to ride that 10-second skip button.

[51:25] Anyway, Irene sits down with Juliet, and Juliet, while speaking, realizes that Gnomeo is devoted to her and that he just wanted to get her attention so badly because he loves her.

[51:34] Oh, that's sweet.

[51:35] Gnomeo, meanwhile, he escapes the gargoyles and their dance party by having his friends set up a play for the gargoyle who loves fairies and princesses to watch so he can escape.

[51:46] And it's during that play that the frog realizes that Benny the gnome has a crush on her because he can't kiss her in the play because he likes her too much in real life.

[51:55] Now, Dan, you're an actor.

[51:56] Yeah.

[51:57] Did he run into this situation a bunch of times

[52:00] where you're like, I don't want to kiss my co-star

[52:02] because I'm secretly in love with you?

[52:04] I don't think I would have that problem.

[52:07] I mean, that sounds gross.

[52:08] Dan, call up your friend.

[52:10] What sounds gross about it?

[52:11] Call up your friend.

[52:11] Now it sounds like I'm taking advantage

[52:14] of the fact that I'm in the play.

[52:15] No, but that's exactly why you can't,

[52:17] why you're having trouble kissing her.

[52:19] Exactly.

[52:19] Because you want it to be for real.

[52:20] That's the plot of so many bad comedies, right?

[52:23] Is that the teenage boy starts taking drama as an excuse to kiss the co-star?

[52:28] Yeah.

[52:29] I mean, let's write one right now.

[52:32] It's what?

[52:33] Let's write one right now.

[52:34] Okay, so interior, school gymnasium day.

[52:37] It's called The Boner Police.

[52:39] It's a gritty drama.

[52:43] That's also the name of the hit song that comes off of the movie from like, I don't know.

[52:51] Go on.

[52:53] wall of sound or something like that come up with a contemporary music i don't have any vampire

[52:57] weekends uh yeah sort of uh tv on the radio is that a thing that's the uh boner police is the

[53:04] song by migos that comes out of the movie awesome uh anyway and of course cardi b has a has a verse

[53:11] on it yeah she's got i mean she's engaged to the guy from migos that's can you name that person's

[53:17] name of course not jimmy migos bobby migos i don't know felicity huffman i don't know

[53:23] i mean she just disappears in her old that's true who's to know she hasn't been a member

[53:29] of migos all this time she can play a man transitioning into a woman i don't understand

[53:34] reminds me of uh what was it phillian h muffman was that the felicity huffman william h macy

[53:39] Yeah, and Colbert.

[53:40] Yeah, and Colbert.

[53:41] Yeah, Billy Bates Muffin.

[53:43] So Gnomeo leaves, but the gnomes are still in trouble.

[53:48] And Mancini Gnome saves the day by getting the gargoyle to dance.

[53:51] So then finally, Watson reveals to Sherlock and Juliet, he's been behind all this because Sherlock hasn't been respecting him, and he's never treated him like an equal.

[54:02] Or he used to treat him like an equal, and now he doesn't.

[54:04] And he only thinks about Moriarty all the time.

[54:06] So Watson set all this up, but the gnomes are really fine.

[54:09] They're not in trouble.

[54:10] Let's go over to the dance party I set up for them.

[54:13] They'll be okay.

[54:13] Uh-oh.

[54:14] That's when the gargoyles turn on Watson.

[54:17] They weren't really working for Watson.

[54:19] Who were they working for, Dan?

[54:20] Moriarty, who is always not dead.

[54:23] He's never dead.

[54:24] Except, I mean, in the Sherlock show, he's dead.

[54:27] So they introduced that crazy story about Sherlock's sister who's crazy and lives on an island prison.

[54:33] That was so nuts.

[54:35] And she's pretending to be a little girl on an airplane.

[54:38] I kind of liked it just because it went so crazy.

[54:41] It's like, this has gone off the rails, but entertainingly.

[54:44] I can imagine if you watched the first episode of Sherlock and then the last episode of Sherlock, you'd be like, what the hell happened?

[54:50] Like, what happened in between?

[54:51] Steven Moffat just literally went insane.

[54:54] It's the biggest jump between Road Warrior and Road Warrior 2.

[54:58] We were like, okay, in between movies, a nuclear war ended human civilization.

[55:01] Okay, that was an interesting thing to gap.

[55:03] I guess the juice is precious at this point.

[55:08] I thought you said Road Warrior, Road Warrior 2.

[55:10] Come on, Mad Max and Road Warrior.

[55:12] Oh, yeah, sorry.

[55:14] Mad Max and Mad Max 2 is what I meant.

[55:15] Yeah.

[55:15] Because Mad Max 2 is the Australian title for Warrior.

[55:18] I apologize.

[55:18] Mea culpa.

[55:19] I'll commit seppuku after this recording.

[55:21] You're correct enough that I have to take my licks where I can get them.

[55:25] No, you're right.

[55:26] And I'm sure the listeners were doing the same thing.

[55:27] They were like, it's Mad Max, not Road Warrior.

[55:29] Yeah, they're sharpening their knives.

[55:30] Thank you.

[55:31] I am still going to get a tweet that says,

[55:33] hey, did anyone tell you that it's actually Mad Max, Mad Max 2?

[55:36] And I'll be like, yeah, Dan, in the episode.

[55:37] My favorite thing is when I'll get something wrong and someone's with me.

[55:40] I'm sure a hundred people have already corrected you about this.

[55:42] And I'm like, nope, nobody except you.

[55:44] It turns out nobody cares about this thing that's so precious to you.

[55:47] You have to correct it.

[55:49] Welcome to my world.

[55:50] I remember writing into, there was a website where they refer, it was, I think it was on like ThinkProgress or something.

[55:57] And in a blog post, they referred to Ernest Lubitsch.

[56:00] And I wrote in being like, probably a lot of people mentioned this too, but it's Ernst Lubitsch, not Ernest Lubitsch.

[56:05] And the author of the post wrote me back and was like, oh, no, thank you.

[56:08] I appreciate that.

[56:08] No one else mentioned it.

[56:09] I'm like, oh, yeah, I guess no one else gives a shit whether Ernst Lubitsch's name is correct.

[56:15] Well, was that before or after Ernest Lubitsch went to jail?

[56:19] It was after he went to camp, before he saved Christmas.

[56:22] So Moriarty's like, I'm still alive.

[56:29] I faked my death.

[56:30] And he has them kidnapped, Juliet and Sherlock, Gnomes, and Watson taken to a boat.

[56:35] They go, when this boat hits Tower Bridge, the drawbridge is going to go up, and that drawbridge is going to crush all the gnomes.

[56:42] So you'll be the – he's like, you'll be the unwitting cause of their death.

[56:46] And I wanted Sherlock Gnomes to be like, in no way am I causing their death right now.

[56:50] I've been kidnapped and tied up on a boat.

[56:52] I cannot control this boat.

[56:54] It would be doing this whether I was here or not.

[56:56] You did this.

[56:56] Don't put this ceramic blood dust on my hand.

[57:00] But anyway, he doesn't say that.

[57:01] Let's just cut to the chase.

[57:05] in a when they make the inevitable like gritty earnest reboot okay the post-credits scene is

[57:11] gonna have a moment where earnest is like know what i mean verne and then you're gonna like you

[57:15] meet you'll hear and then vernal like step out from behind and vernal be like like a screen

[57:19] japanese screen and he'll be like the rock or something yeah yeah that's gonna be awesome yeah

[57:24] no verne is gonna or vernal be like david hasselhoff or some other ironic casting or

[57:29] something like that the gritty reboot of earnest like what would that be like exactly oh it's

[57:35] It's going to be rough.

[57:35] It's called, like, Ernest Avenges a Rape.

[57:37] Wow.

[57:38] So it's like The Crow or something like that.

[57:41] It doesn't get grittier.

[57:42] Ernest spits on your grave.

[57:45] Yeah.

[57:45] So what other gritty way is it going to work?

[57:50] Look, I went as gritty as I could possibly get.

[57:52] Ernest goes to the last house on the left.

[57:54] Yeah, all right.

[57:58] I'm sorry, guys.

[57:59] I got a little too real for you.

[58:00] Okay, so cut to the chase.

[58:02] Our heroes all work together.

[58:04] Sherlock fights Moriarty while Watson saves the gnomes,

[58:07] and Watson proves he can come up with solutions to things.

[58:09] I feel like you can just tack on Ernest at the beginning of most movie titles and it works.

[58:13] Like, hey, Ernest, don't look in the basement.

[58:16] Hey, Ernest, children shouldn't play with dead things.

[58:19] Hey, Ernest, Sophie's Choice.

[58:21] Ernest's List.

[58:24] Oh, no.

[58:26] Imagine if Ernest had been the one saving all those youths from the Holocaust.

[58:28] It never would have worked.

[58:29] I feel like that's the kind of pressure that would bring out the best in Ernest.

[58:33] I mean, he always proves himself in the end.

[58:35] That is the kind of crucible that creates diamonds.

[58:38] Even when Ernest was literally scared stupid, he managed to stop those goblins and save Halloween.

[58:45] With milk.

[58:47] It was milk, right, that did the trick?

[58:49] Yeah.

[58:49] Goblins hate milk, apparently.

[58:51] Yeah.

[58:51] Hey, look, most adults don't like milk either.

[58:54] I don't handle it very well.

[58:57] There's a reason that when Sean Penn was starring as Harvey Milk in the movie Milk, a lot of people were like,

[59:03] i don't know about this and i was like no no it's not the drink it's a person and they went oh okay

[59:09] never mind that's why josh brolin's so mad he likes the drink he loves drinking milk and he's

[59:15] really mad he can't drink harvey okay anyway i can see dan getting uncomfortable as i as i touch

[59:20] all these hot button issues no no no we're just so close to the end oh yeah anyway and genomi and

[59:26] juliet defeat the gargoyles the end and sherlock risks his life to save watson from moriarty and

[59:32] And Watson saves Sherlock at the last minute, and Sherlock apologizes to him.

[59:35] And you know what?

[59:36] They're best friends again.

[59:37] And Benny and that frog finally kiss each other, and then there's a jump forward to spring.

[59:43] It's the spring day celebration.

[59:45] Gnomeo and Juliet are in charge.

[59:46] They did a great job.

[59:47] And, of course, they throw a dance party, and Sherlock and Watson are there, and they walk off arm in arm, Sherlock now limping with a cane as Watson used to use a cane because he hurt his leg fighting Moriarty.

[1:00:00] because i guess no garden gnomes have bones that can break there's a part where moriarty stomps on

[1:00:06] sherlock gnomes his leg and he goes ah and it's like wait hold on a second and it's implied that

[1:00:10] he hurt like broke his leg yeah so what did he wait hold on what's inside of because they're

[1:00:14] hollow right yeah what's inside of is it chocolate or gold but uh and uh i have to admit it was a

[1:00:22] little touching to me to see them walking off into the distance two old pals friendship back

[1:00:27] together again arm and arm and sherlock now depending on watson in a way that he hadn't

[1:00:32] before both physically and emotionally and thus ends sherlock gnomes did you guys stick around

[1:00:37] for the bloops were there bloops i fast forward no i fast forwarded through the credits there's

[1:00:41] no stuff yeah i fast forwarded through to see who the voice cast was because i like couldn't

[1:00:45] recognize so much of it and i wasn't sure which of how many of the parts you didn't want to just

[1:00:50] say james gordon all i wanted to be one of those things where there's just all the names and

[1:00:56] there's a bracket and it just points to james corden's name uh so let's do our final judgments

[1:01:01] whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie we kind of liked uh i'll you know i

[1:01:08] won't say that this was a movie i liked and i'm not sure it's a bad bad movie either and it's not

[1:01:17] a good good bad movie it's not like a movie where you laugh at it's a movie where i just my reaction

[1:01:21] was why does this exist it's a baffling movie other than the rhyme like there's no like the

[1:01:26] rhyme is the entire reason for this movie to have been made and like the fact that it still

[1:01:32] uses the nomio and juliet characters and it's a crossover like is this a john song like all of it

[1:01:39] none of it like the pieces fit together it's like someone tore up several scripts and just threw

[1:01:45] them up in the air even sherlock gnomes himself would would be hard pressed to solve this riddle

[1:01:49] yeah uh ellie you have a kid uh is this the sort of thing that you would put in front of your kid

[1:01:54] like sit your kid down and be like this will keep him entertained for a year and a half here's the

[1:01:58] thing so i agree with dan it's not quite a bad bad movie i didn't quite like it but it was better

[1:02:02] than i thought it would be and so when i saw the trailer i was like my son has never seen this

[1:02:07] movie it's nothing but butt jokes it looks stupid but actually watching the movie i was like i'd be

[1:02:11] fine with him watching this i don't know that it would necessarily keep his attention it feels like

[1:02:15] it's so much about whether

[1:02:17] Gnomeo and Juliet are going to stay together

[1:02:19] and Sherlock Gnomes is like

[1:02:21] deduction I don't know that a kid

[1:02:23] would be that interested in those

[1:02:25] things and a lot of the jokes are

[1:02:27] like there's a lot of jokes where Moriarty

[1:02:30] like can't get his computer to work right

[1:02:31] and he's like how do I share screen hold on wait

[1:02:33] let me do it and like it's not a joke that I think

[1:02:35] a kid would necessarily find funny

[1:02:37] but and all that like gnome wordplay

[1:02:40] like I don't know but if Sammy

[1:02:41] was like I want to watch Sherlock Gnomes and I'd be like

[1:02:43] all right okay that's fine you can watch it i don't need to watch it with well i mean what i

[1:02:46] would do is what i do a lot of times when he's watching tv which is he says daddy watch this

[1:02:49] with me and he'll watch a show and i'll just fall asleep next to him on the couch and then he'll

[1:02:53] wake me up and go daddy it's over and i'm like oh that was good and that's kind of like when i

[1:02:59] watched uh deadpool with my wife and you fell asleep and she kept nudging you to wake up yep

[1:03:04] she's like you're missing all the exciting action moments he's talking to the screen

[1:03:07] so stewart what do you think would you show your son this movie yeah i mean guys your son is a cat

[1:03:12] You might want to hold on to your wigs so they don't flip off.

[1:03:16] But I think this might be a movie that wasn't made for us.

[1:03:19] Hold on.

[1:03:23] Hold on.

[1:03:23] Wait a second.

[1:03:24] Three approaching middle-aged men?

[1:03:26] Probably.

[1:03:28] I mean, it's probably more made for us than for a lot of folks.

[1:03:33] But I don't think it's made for us.

[1:03:35] So, like, it's hard for me to – it's definitely a kid's movie.

[1:03:38] It isn't – it doesn't feel too offensive.

[1:03:42] No, there are a couple times where characters do the thing I hate where like something will fall on them and they'll go, oh, fertilizer.

[1:03:48] Like where the joke is that they're not – they're kind of swearing and I hate that.

[1:03:52] But there aren't like – do you remember when every kid's movie seemed to have a Scarface reference in it?

[1:03:58] Like every kid's movie had a part –

[1:04:00] Are you thinking of MTV's Cribs where every crib had like a Scarface room?

[1:04:05] That's what I'm thinking of.

[1:04:06] No, there was a period where it felt like every kid's movie had a moment where someone would say, say hello to my little friend.

[1:04:10] And they'd bring out like a little tiny guy or something like that.

[1:04:13] And I would be like, stop it.

[1:04:15] This is a reference to, this is not a reference.

[1:04:17] If a kid gets this reference, the parents have done a bad job.

[1:04:20] And also like, that's a reference that I'm almost too young for.

[1:04:24] Yeah.

[1:04:25] Like I mainly get it because of seeing it as a reference so many times.

[1:04:28] Yeah.

[1:04:29] It's not like Scarface is so planted in my mind.

[1:04:31] But like, that this movie doesn't have much of that.

[1:04:35] I feel like aside from the almost swearing jokes and the baffling amount of Elton John references, there's not –

[1:04:42] It does feel like it was made for Elton John's grandkids or something or grandnephews.

[1:04:46] I mean I kind of wouldn't be surprised if Elton John's kids were like – his grandkids were like, we don't have anything – we don't have anything to watch, Grandpa Elton.

[1:04:54] And he's like, produce a movie.

[1:04:57] Oh, yeah?

[1:04:59] Like, we're bold, Grandpa Elton.

[1:05:00] Well, I'll just put a movie into production.

[1:05:03] So in a year and a half, you'll have something to watch.

[1:05:06] Yay.

[1:05:07] Until then, we'll just sit here and drink our tea and eat our plum jam.

[1:05:11] Don't go into that wardrobe.

[1:05:13] Oh, but they have Turkish delights in that wardrobe, whatever that is.

[1:05:18] Do you guys remember as a kid, do you have the experience of reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

[1:05:23] and all those mentions of Turkish delight and being like, what is this magical candy?

[1:05:27] This is going to be the best candy ever.

[1:05:28] This is going to be the most amazing candy.

[1:05:30] Once I understood that sweetmeat was not meat, that it was episode on sweetmeat, I was like, what is this candy?

[1:05:36] This kid is selling out his reality for it.

[1:05:38] Have you had it?

[1:05:39] It's terrible.

[1:05:40] No, I've never had it.

[1:05:41] Or like sweetbreads, you're like, I don't think that's bread.

[1:05:44] It's not very sweet, and it's not bread.

[1:05:48] Like a gooey cube that is usually like rosewater flavored, and sometimes it has pistachios involved.

[1:05:54] It sounds terrible.

[1:05:56] Do you also have the experience where you're like, wait, what the fuck is Santa Claus doing here?

[1:06:02] That was my experience of lying to the witch in the wardrobe.

[1:06:04] I don't think it.

[1:06:05] I mean, as a Jewish kid, I was always asking that question, so it didn't bother me that much.

[1:06:09] And rolling.

[1:06:16] The news today is terrible.

[1:06:23] So why not forget about it while listening to Jonah Radio with Cash Hartzell.

[1:06:28] Hey, everybody.

[1:06:28] Featuring Neil Mahoney.

[1:06:30] Also me.

[1:06:30] This is a podcast where we play music submitted by a listener.

[1:06:34] We hang out, we listen to new tunes, and we take submissions at jonaradio, R-A-Y-D-I-O, at gmail.com.

[1:06:41] Come and check us out.

[1:06:42] We're here anyway.

[1:06:44] Yeah, we'll be here.

[1:06:45] And that's it.

[1:06:46] Back to your regularly scheduled podcast.

[1:06:53] Oh, God, I hope this one goes.

[1:06:55] Yeah, Mark.

[1:07:00] Hey, buddy.

[1:07:01] Oh, hey, what's up, man?

[1:07:02] So I'm at this mafia restaurant.

[1:07:05] What?

[1:07:06] I'm going to go in and ask these guys what they think the best pasta shape is.

[1:07:11] Mark, they're probably eating.

[1:07:12] I have a hunch that it's probably ravioli, but, I mean, you know what?

[1:07:15] That's a good idea.

[1:07:16] Whatever they're eating, I'll just take a look in their bowls and see what they have.

[1:07:19] There's supposed to be a big meeting there today.

[1:07:21] Can you see it from the street?

[1:07:22] That sounds really dangerous.

[1:07:23] I'm just going to go inside and ask.

[1:07:25] Don't bother them.

[1:07:26] They're probably eating, you know.

[1:07:28] Look, I'm not threatened by them.

[1:07:29] How about we tell them what the best pasta is on our podcast?

[1:07:32] We got this with Mark and Hal.

[1:07:33] Oh, that's a great idea.

[1:07:34] Thank God.

[1:07:35] Tuesdays at 9?

[1:07:36] On MaximumFun.org.

[1:07:37] Hey, I love that show.

[1:07:39] Hey there, everyone.

[1:07:43] We didn't know when this show was going to be broadcast.

[1:07:47] So get ready.

[1:07:49] Buckle your seatbelts.

[1:07:51] put your pants on and tie them to something because it's one of my solo ad reads patent

[1:07:58] pending uh we have a lot of sponsors this week um well one sponsor and two jumbotrons so

[1:08:07] if you count the jumbotrons as sponsors we have a lot of sponsors and our first sponsor is

[1:08:12] squarespace squarespace it's a place where you can create a beautiful website turn your cool

[1:08:19] idea into a new website maybe you want to write some sherlock gnomes fanfic and get that out there

[1:08:24] in the world and hey if some of it's a little erotic i won't tell i won't tell dad and mom

[1:08:30] all right uh you can showcase your work announce an upcoming event or special project uh do a little

[1:08:38] e-commerce you know sell some stuff all that stuff can be done with squarespace because

[1:08:44] squarespace gives you beautiful templates created by world-class designers uh functionality that'll

[1:08:50] help you sell anything online free and secure hosting and nothing to patch or upgrade ever

[1:08:55] they're your one-stop shop people for website making and uh if you want to get on uh the

[1:09:05] website making train that's what it's called by the way website making you go to technical college

[1:09:13] and they're like, you want to take a class in website making?

[1:09:16] And you go, yeah, teach.

[1:09:19] Anyway, check out squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:09:25] And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop

[1:09:28] to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:09:32] Squarespace.

[1:09:33] Hey, we got a couple of jumbotrons here.

[1:09:40] This first one is a little weird.

[1:09:43] And it goes like this.

[1:09:45] Everything is bad.

[1:09:47] Baskets are very bad.

[1:09:49] Ours are especially horrible.

[1:09:51] Please, don't look at me.

[1:09:53] Also, Valhalla Rising rules and Snowpiercer is the only thinking person sci-fi movie in decades.

[1:09:59] Except for how Egg Day is somehow cooler than Sushi Day.

[1:10:03] And also somehow they're the same day.

[1:10:05] And how eating bugs is somehow grosser than eating babies.

[1:10:09] But, I mean, both of those do make you think.

[1:10:11] So, and their call to action is to visit shittybaskets.com.net and browse our terrible home goods.

[1:10:23] Now, you heard me right.

[1:10:26] It's shittybaskets.com.net.

[1:10:30] So, the .com part is written out with a D-O-T, C-O-M, and then there's a period, net.

[1:10:40] So that's that, Jumbotron, and I hope you understood it, because I don't.

[1:10:44] And here's this next one.

[1:10:46] It's a personal message. It's for Remy. It's from Bill.

[1:10:50] I think I know this Remy and Bill.

[1:10:53] Good luck to you on your marathon this fall, or if you can't do it this time for some good reason, good luck when you do.

[1:11:00] You rule.

[1:11:01] I'd like to add my voice to this.

[1:11:05] Good luck, Remy. Good luck on your marathon.

[1:11:07] You rule.

[1:11:09] So those are all of the promotions for this episode.

[1:11:14] Sorry, as always, for me.

[1:11:17] And let's get back to the episode.

[1:11:20] So moving on to letters, we have the first one.

[1:11:24] It's from Delmar.

[1:11:26] Delmar.

[1:11:27] Delmar Pizza?

[1:11:28] Last name withheld.

[1:11:29] Yeah.

[1:11:30] Now, guys, let me just take a minute here to say I should be doing an Elton John inflected letters song.

[1:11:36] Read Me Closer, Tiny Letters, or I Can't Stop Talking About That, Letter Dial Rock.

[1:11:42] Also be Croc-A-Letter Rock.

[1:11:43] Letter Man.

[1:11:45] Letter Day.

[1:11:45] Yeah, Letter Day.

[1:11:46] Yeah, Letter Day.

[1:11:47] Letter Day Night's All Right for Letters.

[1:11:51] Or like, what else?

[1:11:52] I Believe in Letters.

[1:11:54] Or something like, Can You Read the Letters Tonight?

[1:11:59] I Know It's Not Letters.

[1:12:01] Or like, L-L-L-Letters and the Jets.

[1:12:05] But it turns out, I just don't.

[1:12:06] I thought it was Benny and the Letts.

[1:12:07] Benny and the Letts is, well, people think that's about Tracy Letts.

[1:12:10] Benny Tracy Letts.

[1:12:12] He's writing lots of plays and ladybirds.

[1:12:16] He's doing stuff and then he does things.

[1:12:19] Tracy Tracy Letts.

[1:12:22] But here's the thing.

[1:12:23] I just don't know that many Elton John songs.

[1:12:25] So I just can't do this Elton John letter parody everyone wants me to do.

[1:12:28] So I apologize.

[1:12:28] All right.

[1:12:29] Anyway.

[1:12:31] Delvar.

[1:12:32] Oh, also, also, wait, wait.

[1:12:34] If I read a letter, but then again, no.

[1:12:37] If I read a letter in a traveling letter show.

[1:12:41] Like a letter in the wind.

[1:12:44] I hope you don't write.

[1:12:45] I hope you don't write, because then I'll have to read.

[1:12:49] Oh, that's really good, yeah.

[1:12:50] Yeah.

[1:12:50] Okay.

[1:12:51] And I guess that's why they call it letters.

[1:12:55] I should have said mailbag.

[1:12:59] That fits the blues better.

[1:13:02] So, but guys, yeah.

[1:13:02] Neither one sounds like the blues.

[1:13:04] Let's be clear.

[1:13:06] But I guess, but what I'm saying is, I guess I.

[1:13:08] He's being charitable to himself.

[1:13:09] I guess I just don't know enough Elton John songs when it comes down to it.

[1:13:12] So I just can't do that.

[1:13:14] Good bit.

[1:13:15] Anyway, Peaches.

[1:13:16] Due to its practically holy status to Flophouse lore, I've recently visited a Popeye's.

[1:13:22] While there, it occurred to me that if Elliot were to be executed, his last meal would definitely

[1:13:26] involve some good, good Louisiana fried chicken.

[1:13:29] Hell yes.

[1:13:29] I've thought about it many times.

[1:13:31] When I tried to think of...

[1:13:32] Here's my last meal, guys.

[1:13:33] Yeah.

[1:13:33] I want Popeye's fried chicken.

[1:13:35] Uh-huh.

[1:13:35] Get me a prime rib from Keene's in Manhattan.

[1:13:38] Uh-huh.

[1:13:39] It's not going to taste the same if you mail it to me, so you've got to take me out of

[1:13:41] jail and take me to Keene's.

[1:13:42] I'll have the full experience.

[1:13:43] I'll talk to the warden.

[1:13:44] Lobster bisque.

[1:13:45] That's what I like to get as the appetizer.

[1:13:46] Then I get my prime rib, rare plus.

[1:13:48] Nothing green anywhere near that plate.

[1:13:52] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:52] I want to point out my signed pipe that's in the display case in the front, along with

[1:13:55] all the other comedy pipes.

[1:13:56] And then I'm going...

[1:13:58] Yeah, no green things, except for cream spinach.

[1:14:00] Mm, yum.

[1:14:01] Then I'm going to go – it's delicious.

[1:14:03] Oh, man.

[1:14:04] I'm sorry.

[1:14:05] As I mentioned before on this podcast, I can't handle milk stuff.

[1:14:09] So when people talk about it, it makes me a little upset.

[1:14:11] Probably some kind of potato on the side.

[1:14:13] It's a steakhouse.

[1:14:14] You need to have potatoes on the side.

[1:14:15] Then – and you know what?

[1:14:17] I like asparagus.

[1:14:18] A lot of people don't think of that as a steakhouse staple, but I like it.

[1:14:21] Then – okay.

[1:14:22] For the pee situation.

[1:14:23] Then it's off to Popeye's.

[1:14:24] I already got a prime rib in my tummy, but it's time to have like probably eight or nine pieces of mild Popeye's chicken.

[1:14:29] I want it fried up right then, not sitting under the warmer lights for a while.

[1:14:32] A little bit of red beans and rice.

[1:14:33] And then it's off to eat an entire molten chocolate cake.

[1:14:36] And then strap me into Old Bessie and light me up.

[1:14:39] It's time for me to ride the lightning into the netherworld.

[1:14:42] And you explode as soon as the electricity hits you.

[1:14:45] A couple of Cokes?

[1:14:47] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1:14:48] I'm drinking Coke the whole time.

[1:14:50] Maybe a couple, you know, like, you know what?

[1:14:54] I'll even try some of those weird handmade sodas.

[1:14:56] No, I don't want that.

[1:14:57] My last meal, forget it.

[1:14:58] I just want, give me a four liter bottle of Coca-Cola and I'll just chug that on down.

[1:15:02] To move on to the rest of the letter.

[1:15:05] When I tried to think of what meals Stuart and Dan would order, I drew a blank.

[1:15:09] So, fellas, what would each of you have for your last meal?

[1:15:12] Am I right that Popeye's is just too tempting for Ellie to pass up?

[1:15:14] Well, first I would go to Keene's.

[1:15:17] No.

[1:15:17] Yeah.

[1:15:19] Let's see.

[1:15:21] What would I have for my last meal?

[1:15:22] I think I might have a little fatty barbecue brisket.

[1:15:25] Oh, yeah.

[1:15:26] That sounds good.

[1:15:27] Just a little bit because you're watching your figure before you die?

[1:15:29] A lot.

[1:15:30] I mean, as long as I'm going the barbecue route, I'll just keep on going with that.

[1:15:35] Maybe have some sausage.

[1:15:37] How about ribs?

[1:15:39] Ribs.

[1:15:40] Some Frito pie.

[1:15:42] Oh, wow.

[1:15:43] Oh, sure, yeah.

[1:15:44] You're not, look.

[1:15:45] I'm still, I don't need to watch my figure anymore.

[1:15:48] Yeah, a minute on the lips, a lifetime of eternity in a coffin.

[1:15:52] And then for dessert, I think I would have a big slice of strawberry rhubarb pie.

[1:15:57] Slice of pizza.

[1:15:58] Strawberry rhubarb pie, probably with a little vanilla ice cream on the side.

[1:16:04] What if it was pizza with ice cream on the top of it?

[1:16:07] It would be gross.

[1:16:09] I don't know.

[1:16:10] I once had pizza with mashed potatoes on it, and it was delicious.

[1:16:14] And mashed potatoes looks kind of like ice cream sometimes.

[1:16:16] Okay.

[1:16:17] Well, I guess you checkmate for me.

[1:16:20] And what are you washing all that down with, milk?

[1:16:22] Yes, a big old glass of milk.

[1:16:25] I mean, I don't know.

[1:16:26] I mean, like, milk might not be bad with a pie.

[1:16:28] I know I'm not, you don't like lactose, but.

[1:16:31] Yeah, I, so, I would have, like, I mean, like, I would either go with iced tea to keep with the barbecue.

[1:16:37] The wrapper.

[1:16:38] Stuff, or I would have, like, some, like.

[1:16:41] I mean, he'd probably be good dinner company.

[1:16:42] Some rye whiskey with the, on the rocks.

[1:16:45] Wait, what's on the rocks?

[1:16:46] Rye whiskey.

[1:16:46] I don't think they're going to give you alcohol.

[1:16:48] Maybe they do.

[1:16:49] I don't know.

[1:16:49] Do they give you alcohol before you get killed?

[1:16:52] I'll ask the warden.

[1:16:53] Okay.

[1:16:53] Jack Warden, the late Jack Warden.

[1:16:55] Yeah.

[1:16:56] Wharton the college?

[1:16:59] Yeah, yeah, you'll ask Wharton.

[1:17:01] You'll ask Edith Wharton.

[1:17:02] I'd probably do Indian food.

[1:17:05] I would probably like a family style, just give me a lot of everything.

[1:17:09] I have a tendency, Indian food's one of those things where my brain kind of shuts off the stop eating function.

[1:17:17] And so by the time I'm done, I'm like, oh my god, what did I do?

[1:17:21] I don't know if I can make it home.

[1:17:23] That's me with Chinese food.

[1:17:24] My brain is just like, oh yeah, your stomach is a bottomless bag, right?

[1:17:29] Just keep shoveling Chinese food in there.

[1:17:31] And then I get so full and my tummy hurts.

[1:17:32] And I like to mix it up.

[1:17:34] So you got your biryanis, you got your bunas, I'd have a couple of lamb dishes, a couple of veggie dishes.

[1:17:42] I like okra, give me that okra, yum, yum, yum.

[1:17:46] And dessert, I would drink a six-pack of beer.

[1:17:52] Yeah, sure.

[1:17:53] Well, guys, good news.

[1:17:56] We've been sentenced to death.

[1:17:57] So we're all going to get our special meals.

[1:17:59] All our dreams are coming true.

[1:18:01] This next letter is from Walker, last name withheld.

[1:18:05] Comma, Texas Ranger.

[1:18:06] I was waiting for that.

[1:18:07] Who writes, dear floppers, I have a distinct memory of going to the video store with my mom as a kid.

[1:18:13] That's wonderful.

[1:18:14] Next letter.

[1:18:16] I mean, that's sweet that you have those special memories.

[1:18:18] Not really a question, but I guess.

[1:18:20] And admiring the box art and design of Wes Anderson's Rushmore.

[1:18:24] When she said she was looking for something to watch, I told her to get that one, and she did.

[1:18:28] The next day, I asked her what it was about, and she told me,

[1:18:31] a high schooler who falls in love with his teacher, and at the end, he dies of hypothermia trying to save a guy from drowning in a lake.

[1:18:37] Wait, what?

[1:18:38] This really stuck with me.

[1:18:40] And when I eventually watched Rushmore, maybe 10 years later, I spent the entire time waiting for a sudden tragic turn that never came.

[1:18:47] I have two questions.

[1:18:49] One, have you ever had misinformation about a movie or its ending affect your viewing experience just as much as an actual spoiler might have?

[1:18:56] And two, what the hell was my mom talking about?

[1:18:59] Thanks, Walker, last name withheld.

[1:19:01] It's like when I didn't do the reading and somebody explained to me what happens in Bridge to Terabithia.

[1:19:09] You're like, wait, so they never get to Terabinia.

[1:19:11] Yeah, I had a situation like that with, what was it, Dark Knight Rises, the third one.

[1:19:20] The third one, yeah.

[1:19:21] So I had tickets to like a fancy IMAX screening, but it wasn't until-

[1:19:25] Fancy like you had to wear a bow tie?

[1:19:26] Yeah, it was black tie only.

[1:19:28] And it was a couple days after release.

[1:19:32] I think it was like the Wednesday after release.

[1:19:34] And I had gotten off a bartending shift and I was in the bodega getting a sandwich and some drunken guys were talking about it.

[1:19:41] And one guy's like, yeah, and then Bane breaks Batman's back and kills him.

[1:19:45] And I'm like, fuck, dude, why do I have to hear this?

[1:19:48] So I went in being like, wow, Batman's going to fucking die from a broken back in this movie.

[1:19:52] So that totally changed my perception.

[1:19:54] Considering he heals himself from a broken back?

[1:19:57] Yeah, I mean, he's Batman, dude.

[1:19:59] He can do anything he wants.

[1:20:00] I realized something.

[1:20:02] I was just thinking about this for some reason in the shower the other day.

[1:20:04] That at the end of Dark Knight Rises, he and Catwoman have escaped – spoiler alert – have escaped to Italy and are just living a private life.

[1:20:10] And it was almost like the idea that Batman, after saving Gotham from that neutron bomb or whatever it is, was like, you know what?

[1:20:17] I've done enough crime fighting.

[1:20:19] I feel like I've filled the gap left by my dead parents.

[1:20:23] I'm good.

[1:20:24] I'm calling it quits now.

[1:20:25] Like the idea that he –

[1:20:27] I mean I think it's possible for that character to reach that point in his life.

[1:20:29] I mean for a normal –

[1:20:30] That's all I can hope for.

[1:20:31] For a normal person, I think he is totally fair saying, like, I did my part.

[1:20:36] You guys do the rest.

[1:20:37] But it just seemed very funny to me that Batman, who's presented as this, like, this unending need for justice, that he was like, hmm, I think I did it.

[1:20:46] And I nailed it.

[1:20:47] Various plot points aside, I'm assuming that's one of the reasons why diehard Batman fans don't like that movie.

[1:20:52] Yeah.

[1:20:53] I mean, wait, was Batman in a diehard movie?

[1:20:55] Yeah.

[1:20:57] You might know him as Hans Gruber.

[1:21:00] Wait, he's the bad guy?

[1:21:01] He is.

[1:21:01] It's crazy.

[1:21:02] Now I so want to see a John McClane Batman crossover.

[1:21:06] I don't feel like you would be satisfied with the results.

[1:21:10] No, probably not.

[1:21:11] I mean, I feel like that kind of an ending for Batman is better than Joel Schumacher's argument where he's like, it's been a long time.

[1:21:19] I think Batman would get over the death of his parents.

[1:21:21] Why is he brooding about it all the time?

[1:21:23] I mean, except that, like, there is something, like, I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, who I won't mention by name, but his, whose father was murdered similarly when he was a kid.

[1:21:34] And he was like, yeah, I had to deal with it.

[1:21:37] I didn't dress up in a costume and go fight crime.

[1:21:39] And I was like, actually, you make a good point.

[1:21:41] A lot of people have to deal with the death of their parents, and they don't do it by dressing up like an animal and punching criminals in the face.

[1:21:46] But, I mean, that's like defining the character, though.

[1:21:48] That's like being like, hey, Batman, what you're doing is stupid.

[1:21:51] Like, okay, movie's done.

[1:21:53] that's true uh as for rushmore in particular i may have told this story on the podcast before

[1:22:00] but i remember you thought it was about guts and borglum sculpting mount rushmore well that was

[1:22:04] no on the on the dvd for uh rushmore they have a charlie rose interview from the charlie rose show

[1:22:11] and charlie rose is talking to jason schwartzman and and wes anderson and he keeps saying like

[1:22:17] oh you know max fisher's this young man who wants to have his face on rushmore

[1:22:21] and like they never go like what they never go like what the hell are you talking about but

[1:22:27] i think it's in royal tenenbaums it's like there's in a later wes anderson movie there's something

[1:22:33] that's clearly a parody of charlie rose and i think that that's the result of like charlie

[1:22:38] rose just like not not understanding watching the movie or whatever happened to make him do that

[1:22:44] i don't i don't know if i don't can't remember something where i like was given the wrong ending

[1:22:49] and it threw me off

[1:22:49] but I remember

[1:22:50] I may have talked about this

[1:22:51] on the podcast before

[1:22:51] what was that

[1:22:52] what's that movie

[1:22:53] with Steve Guttenberg

[1:22:53] where it's all those

[1:22:54] Irish ghosts

[1:22:55] High Spirits

[1:22:56] with Peter O'Toole

[1:22:57] I remember that coming out

[1:22:58] when I was a kid

[1:22:59] when I was little

[1:23:01] and a kid being like

[1:23:02] oh yeah I saw that movie

[1:23:02] High Spirits

[1:23:03] and I was like

[1:23:03] what happens in it

[1:23:04] and he told me

[1:23:05] the most horrifying tale

[1:23:07] of like sexual violence

[1:23:09] of like women being stabbed

[1:23:11] between the legs

[1:23:12] he's like yeah yeah

[1:23:12] this woman

[1:23:13] it's a hundred years ago

[1:23:14] and this guy like

[1:23:15] stabs her

[1:23:16] in her private parts

[1:23:17] and all this terrible

[1:23:18] And he goes on and on describing this horrifying story.

[1:23:21] And for years, I would see that in the video store and be like, oh, I can never watch that movie.

[1:23:25] That's terrifying.

[1:23:26] And then getting to a point where I was old enough that I was just like, hold on a second.

[1:23:30] How is that in any way what could have happened in this Steve Guttenberg movie?

[1:23:34] And just wondering.

[1:23:35] I don't remember who the kid was, but I remember so vividly the story he was telling me.

[1:23:38] And I just being like, whatever happened to that kid?

[1:23:40] What was living in that boy's brain?

[1:23:42] Where has the skull traveled to?

[1:23:45] Although, to be fair, since my son is nonstop talking about chopping my body into pieces and shoving things in my face, it might just be what little boys talk about is the most violent things they can think of.

[1:23:54] This next letter is from Henry last name.

[1:23:57] Johnny Rhines made an entire comic book career out of that.

[1:24:00] Good point.

[1:24:00] Book of Henry?

[1:24:02] Yeah, Book of Henry writes, Dear Flippity Florps, what are your favorite edits for TV?

[1:24:07] I'm specifically thinking audio, but maybe there are some good, bad, confusing cuts out there too.

[1:24:12] My favorite was a broadcast, The Big Lebowski, when Walter is confronting Larry about the missing million bucks.

[1:24:16] Instead of, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, it says, this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.

[1:24:23] Keep doing whatever it is you do between flophousing.

[1:24:25] A stranger not in the Alps.

[1:24:28] I think my favorite, I have two favorite edits.

[1:24:30] One is because when I was a kid, we watched Ferris Bueller all the time, and we had the TV version.

[1:24:34] So there's just a lot of like, just very obvious ones, which like, I'm not saying Cameron is tight.

[1:24:41] But if you put a piece of coal in his fist, in a week you'd have a diamond when the line is up his ass.

[1:24:47] Yeah.

[1:24:47] Or he goes, pardon my French, but you, sir, are a moron.

[1:24:51] And just as a kid being like, it's not that bad.

[1:24:53] But I remember seeing a TV edit on WPIX of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and they didn't want to show someone masturbating on screen.

[1:25:00] So it looked like Phoebe Cates actually was trying to seduce Judge Reinhold's character.

[1:25:05] And then it came back, and it went to commercial.

[1:25:07] I'm like, are none of the characters talking about how Phoebe Cates was just, like, coming up to Judge Reinhold?

[1:25:12] Like, the idea that this is a fantasy of his was totally erased.

[1:25:16] How did they even edit that?

[1:25:18] I mean, like, that scene is so much about Phoebe Cates' breasts.

[1:25:21] They, like, reframed the shot, kind of, so that it was all in love.

[1:25:25] Seems like a lot of work for that movie.

[1:25:27] Yeah, I mean, at that point, just don't put the movie on WPIX.

[1:25:30] I mean, I think my favorite one was just Coming to America when he's yelling out of his balcony.

[1:25:36] When people are yelling, fuck you, they're all yelling, forget you.

[1:25:40] And he's like, forget you too.

[1:25:41] Yeah.

[1:25:42] It's a moment of love.

[1:25:43] You know, it's great.

[1:25:44] It's weird.

[1:25:45] Coming to America, we had it taped off HBO.

[1:25:47] So I got all of that.

[1:25:48] That was when we were kids.

[1:25:49] These are the movies we watched.

[1:25:51] Teen Wolf, Coming to America, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Dark Crystal, and Gremlins.

[1:25:57] And Ghostbusters was the only movies we watched.

[1:25:59] I think when we first got, like, Cable or a Satellite Dish or something,

[1:26:03] when we first got Comedy Central, Coming to America was on Comedy Central.

[1:26:08] Ah, I see.

[1:26:08] So they probably cut out the part where he was taking a bath also.

[1:26:12] Yeah.

[1:26:13] I'm going to read one last very quick letter from Mike, last name withheld.

[1:26:17] Mike of the Mechanics.

[1:26:19] Who just writes.

[1:26:20] I was going to say Mike of the Mad Dog.

[1:26:21] Vin Diesel and Eddie Deezin in Deez Nuts.

[1:26:25] That's all he writes.

[1:26:27] Yeah, I'll watch it, sure.

[1:26:28] They're a couple of orderlies.

[1:26:30] Now, I would love, so in that one, I assume Eddie Deason is Vin Diesel's dad in the movie.

[1:26:35] Or maybe like.

[1:26:37] They're not the same age?

[1:26:38] Eddie Deason's a little bit older than Vin Diesel.

[1:26:41] Seeing how Eddie Deason's heyday was the 80s.

[1:26:43] And Vin Diesel's heyday is right now.

[1:26:46] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:48] Or maybe, what, maybe they're like.

[1:26:50] Capable of playing high school to 35.

[1:26:52] Actually, I would call it Deez Guys.

[1:26:54] Here's how I'd pitch this movie.

[1:26:56] vin diesel is a super spy he's basically like a zander what's his last name zander cage fast

[1:27:02] and furious type guy what's his fast and furious character uh rolo tomasi or something baby new

[1:27:08] earth uh people are shouting into their sweet sweet donnie pickles i've had it but then there's

[1:27:14] the deluge of fake names ricky steamboat i've driven it from my brain at court dominic toretto

[1:27:20] oh yeah you're right yeah so he's he's one of those types of characters guys he's he's one of

[1:27:27] those types of characters he's a super tough guy and eddie deason is his uncle and eddie deason's

[1:27:34] like for whatever reason he can't pay his bills he's thrown out of his house or something like

[1:27:38] that and he's got to go live with vin diesel and vin and he's he just won't he like wants to hang

[1:27:43] out with his nephew because they never really got to know each other and so eddie deason is trying

[1:27:48] to tag along with vin diesel as he goes on like a big spy mission you know okay so that's so that's

[1:27:52] what i and you really wouldn't call it d you probably wouldn't have d in the title because

[1:27:56] they wouldn't be playing themselves and vin diesel's trying to like he's trying to use his

[1:28:00] uncle's cover so they go to like monaco or something yeah yeah and he it's under the you

[1:28:06] know illusion that they're going on a vacation together but it's actually you know it's actually

[1:28:10] a spy thing but eddie deason doesn't know he can't he has to keep it a secret that he's a spy yeah

[1:28:14] and eddie deason keeps like stumbling through these spy things and being like oh this is great

[1:28:18] you know that kind of stuff and it and maybe the bad guys think eddie deason's the spy

[1:28:23] exactly yeah that's the move and i would call it like do you do these nuts i think we already

[1:28:30] talked about like yeah these nuts or like or like the spy's uncle or something like that

[1:28:34] my nephew is a spy spy's uncle's like the john leckery version

[1:28:44] All right, so that was a great letter segment, guys.

[1:28:46] A plus.

[1:28:47] Okay, thanks for the grade.

[1:28:48] I'll just put that on my wall.

[1:28:50] Yeah, on the fridge right now.

[1:28:52] Any comments?

[1:28:54] Just says, great Jor.

[1:28:57] I could have remembered.

[1:28:58] Great Jor.

[1:28:59] Even when he's writing, he can't say it right.

[1:29:03] That's weird, okay.

[1:29:04] Not even an exclamation point.

[1:29:06] I don't know what a Jorb is, but I did it really well.

[1:29:12] But we've got to do with our last segment of the show, which is recommendations.

[1:29:15] Movies that we watch that you should watch probably instead of Sherlock Gnomes.

[1:29:22] I almost said Gnomeo and Juliet.

[1:29:23] It's hard to not.

[1:29:24] It's hard, yeah.

[1:29:24] Especially since we haven't seen the first one, so I don't have a separate movie in my head.

[1:29:30] So they should have called this Gnomeo and Juliet 2, The Rise of Sherlock Gnomes or something like that.

[1:29:35] I think that makes sense.

[1:29:36] Yeah.

[1:29:36] What do you think the third movie is going to be?

[1:29:38] I mean, Gnome Country for Old Men is possible.

[1:29:42] That's pretty good, yeah.

[1:29:43] I mean, I already said The Rise and Fall of the Gnomon Empire.

[1:29:47] That was my best one that I could come up with.

[1:29:48] That's pretty good, yeah, yeah.

[1:29:49] Yeah, Gnome Chomsky's new book.

[1:29:54] Yeah, it's called Gnome Chomsky.

[1:29:56] The theme song is a parody of Duran Duran's Is There Something I Should Gnome?

[1:30:02] Who Could It Be, Gnome?

[1:30:04] Yep.

[1:30:05] Who Could It Be, Gnome?

[1:30:08] Da-da-da-doo, who could it be?

[1:30:10] I'm sorry, I brought up songs.

[1:30:12] No, I'm just da-da-da-doo.

[1:30:13] Immediately regret it.

[1:30:14] Yeah.

[1:30:15] So, Dan, are we going to recommend some movies?

[1:30:17] Sure, I'll recommend one.

[1:30:18] Yeah.

[1:30:18] I'm going to disappoint everyone.

[1:30:21] Even though I came to Seattle on a plane,

[1:30:23] the only movie I watched on the plane was all right.

[1:30:26] It was okay.

[1:30:27] Wow, okay.

[1:30:28] You know, some would even say this is information

[1:30:30] that doesn't need to be related to the listeners.

[1:30:31] I think people were waiting in bated breath.

[1:30:36] How was your snack on the plane, Dan?

[1:30:38] People hear that I've been on a plane and they're curious to see if I watched a movie.

[1:30:42] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1:30:43] I did watch a movie.

[1:30:44] It was Battle of the Sexes and it was all right.

[1:30:45] That's what I've heard about Battle of the Sexes.

[1:30:47] That's just okay.

[1:30:47] So instead, I'm going to go the other direction and not surprise anyone.

[1:30:52] Do a really obvious pick, which is I saw Incredibles 2 on my birthday and it was predictably very good.

[1:30:59] Now, were you, like the New Yorkers' Anthony Lane, totally turned on?

[1:31:03] I was totally boned out by Elastigirl.

[1:31:06] You couldn't hold on to your popcorn because you were so sexed up by what you were seeing?

[1:31:10] I stole someone else's popcorn because I didn't have any popcorn.

[1:31:12] I put it over my boner, and then my popcorn went flying.

[1:31:15] Now, I wonder why you stole so much.

[1:31:17] Wait, it flew off your body?

[1:31:18] Yeah.

[1:31:19] Well, there's just so much sproing action.

[1:31:22] Yeah, when his penis telescoped out, as it does, into the boner.

[1:31:27] Did you say the popcorn flew off your body or the boner flew off your body?

[1:31:31] He had such a powerful boner that it managed to fling itself off of his body with a tearing sound.

[1:31:37] Free at last.

[1:31:38] Yeah, like a Greek myth.

[1:31:39] It's imbued with life.

[1:31:42] Yeah, much as if the Discobolus came to life and finished throwing that discus, it would fly off into the horizon.

[1:31:49] That's what happened with Dan's erection.

[1:31:51] So Incredibles 2, boner-fying?

[1:31:53] Totally boner-fying.

[1:31:54] Okay.

[1:31:55] It was a good movie?

[1:31:56] Yeah, I think that it suffers a little from not having as straight ahead a story as the first movie.

[1:32:03] Like, it has a little bit of, like, sequel-itis of, like, why exactly are we telling this story?

[1:32:08] Does it need to be told again?

[1:32:09] Are there two villains in it?

[1:32:10] I don't want to spoil anything.

[1:32:12] Okay, don't spoil it.

[1:32:13] Because I know, I'm not a huge fan of the, it's the next movie in the series, we've got to add one more villain.

[1:32:17] Yeah.

[1:32:18] To the total number of villains.

[1:32:19] I think the strongest thing about Incredibles 2, though, is...

[1:32:22] Is Mr. Incredible.

[1:32:23] Because he's super strength.

[1:32:24] He's got a good point.

[1:32:26] yeah all right the second strongest thing is the action sequences because it's done in animation

[1:32:31] it like it has the the craziest most kinetic clockwork action sequences and brad bird is

[1:32:38] very good at working that stuff out and uh it can do stuff that like in a normal superhero movie i'm

[1:32:45] like i'm kind of sometimes feeling like what's the physics of this thing like that even if they're

[1:32:51] superheroes that wouldn't happen that way it bothers me like who's stronger aquaman or cyborg

[1:32:55] But in an animated movie

[1:32:58] Because the physics are so elastic

[1:33:00] You're like

[1:33:01] I don't need to know about the super strongest guys

[1:33:04] What about the guys at the middle level

[1:33:06] Who's the strongest of them

[1:33:07] When you see like

[1:33:09] When Vulture ranks like all the Beatles songs

[1:33:12] Ranked I don't care about what they think the best song is

[1:33:14] I was thinking about Vulture the super

[1:33:15] Wow he's got opinions on fucking Beatles songs

[1:33:18] I guess he's old

[1:33:19] When I go to Adrian Toom's blog

[1:33:21] And he ranks all the episodes

[1:33:24] Of the Rockford Files

[1:33:25] i'm not interested in what's the top or the bottom i can guess those i want to know what's in the

[1:33:29] middle yeah i know look you're gonna rank all the beatle songs i know you know my name look up the

[1:33:36] number is going to be number one and i know that most of george harrison's more experimental or

[1:33:41] john lennon's experimental songs will be at the bottom so look uh and if you it's like if you

[1:33:46] ranked all the beach boy songs you know kokomo is dead last because it's the worst song in human

[1:33:50] history this is uh i had a moment recently apparently my son my wife had to text me about

[1:33:55] this that there was a ice cream truck playing kokomo and my son turned her said what's this

[1:33:59] song this is a good song and it cut me to the quick yeah anyway so you're saying credibles

[1:34:07] 2 has a little bit of sequelitis but otherwise the strongest thing is the action sequences

[1:34:11] because brad bird knows what he's doing yeah i mean that's pretty much all i have to say about

[1:34:14] And boner-fying, I think.

[1:34:15] And totally boner-fying, yeah.

[1:34:17] Super worth seeing, though.

[1:34:18] Super worth seeing because it's a superhero movie?

[1:34:21] I think you're right, Elliot.

[1:34:23] Give me another pun.

[1:34:24] Give me another superhero pun.

[1:34:25] It's superb?

[1:34:29] I'll allow it.

[1:34:32] I mean, there are other words than super.

[1:34:35] You could have called it high-flying or something like that.

[1:34:37] Oh, okay, I got you.

[1:34:38] I didn't know that the world was my sandbox.

[1:34:41] Yep, very much so.

[1:34:44] Elliot, what are you recommending?

[1:34:45] I'm going to go the opposite route, and I'm going to do something a little different for me and recommend an old movie.

[1:34:50] Okay.

[1:34:50] So I recently watched a movie called The Purchase Price from 1932.

[1:34:55] It's a Barbara Stanwyck movie from this period when, in the early 30s, when Barbara Stanwyck was making these kind of super short movies about women forced to kind of find their own way in the world.

[1:35:07] And this movie, she's a singer in a club who is dating a mobster but is engaged to a rich heir to a rich family.

[1:35:15] When the heir finds out she's been dating this mobster, she breaks up with the mobster.

[1:35:19] The heir finds out she's been dating a mobster and dumps her.

[1:35:21] And the mobster wants to get back together with her.

[1:35:23] So she wants to escape.

[1:35:24] And she runs off and through a series of events becomes the mail order bride of a wheat farmer out in the country and has to deal with suddenly being in this strange position where she is married to a man that she doesn't really know and also the man starts to doubt – he suspects her when she doesn't give herself to him on the first night.

[1:35:45] And so she has to figure out how does she win his trust back and also does she want to be there?

[1:35:49] And eventually it all hinges on whether his new wheat strain that he has been breeding, whether they can successfully cultivate enough to save the farm from the bank.

[1:35:59] And this movie is 70 minutes long and it has so much random plot in it.

[1:36:05] And Barbara Stanwyck is great in it and it's directed by William Wellman.

[1:36:08] So there are sequences that look fantastic.

[1:36:10] There's just like a lot of interesting shots in it.

[1:36:13] But it feels like – I'm a big fan of Guy Madden and it feels like the kinds of movies Guy Madden is drawing on a lot where the plot does not follow a straight line.

[1:36:21] It is all over the place and it is more like – it's almost more like a sequence of scenes or moments that are only tenuously connected in some ways and the ending is so abrupt and the emotions in it are so strange.

[1:36:35] The man she becomes married to is such a jerk and she becomes so devoted to him.

[1:36:40] That's the one thing I found really problematic about it is that she falls in love with this guy who's just a total asshole to her.

[1:36:45] But the 30s is my favorite time in Hollywood.

[1:36:49] I mean, that's kind of Empire Strikes Back, too.

[1:36:51] Yeah, I mean, most movies, yeah.

[1:36:53] The 30s is my favorite time in Hollywood history, partly because they were making these movies.

[1:36:57] They were churning them out so fast that, like, there's this weird dream logic to a lot of them.

[1:37:02] And I don't want to overstate how weird this movie is, but you watch it and you get kind of whiplash a few times of like, wait, what is going on in this movie?

[1:37:10] And I was like, the mobster is still looking out – looking for her.

[1:37:13] And it's like if this movie was made now, she would go to the farm.

[1:37:16] This mobster would catch up with her, and the husband would have to fight the mobster to save her and like prove himself that way, and the mobster would be a real threat.

[1:37:25] And instead, events just kind of like happen.

[1:37:28] Anyway, I enjoyed it a lot, but it's a movie that you can't watch through the eyes of a modern-day movie viewer.

[1:37:33] Or if you do, you want to watch it through the eyes of someone who's ready for just kind of things to happen and to dissipate as they do, like as they will in the movie.

[1:37:42] So it's called The Purchase Price.

[1:37:44] I enjoyed it a lot.

[1:37:44] But if you don't like old movies, oh, boy, just go watch Nomi for Sherlock Nomes.

[1:37:49] Keep walking.

[1:37:50] Keep walking.

[1:37:50] It's in black and or white.

[1:37:52] So I got two quick recommendations.

[1:37:53] The first is a movie called Assassination Games Game.

[1:37:57] I can't remember which one.

[1:37:59] It's a cheapy action movie starring my man Scott Adkins and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

[1:38:07] So like the modern Jean-Claude Van Damme and the old Jean-Claude Van Damme.

[1:38:12] This is from, I think, 2011.

[1:38:14] And Scott Adkins has cranked out a lot of these action movies.

[1:38:18] Some of them are really great, like Ninja 2, Shadow of a Tear.

[1:38:23] And I think Close Range was the other one I really liked.

[1:38:26] This is a little older.

[1:38:27] The action scenes aren't quite as good.

[1:38:29] However, it's worth coming.

[1:38:31] It's worth watching if only for the completely unbelievable villains that are in the movie.

[1:38:37] Like the Interpol agents totally aren't believable as Interpol agents and the mobsters are not scary at all.

[1:38:43] There's a weird amount of violence toward women.

[1:38:47] So don't watch that.

[1:38:49] I mean, that's pretty weird.

[1:38:50] If you don't love violence towards women.

[1:38:52] I mean, yeah, that's a weird qualification, I suppose.

[1:38:54] However, what's great about it is

[1:38:57] Jean-Claude Van Damme's performance in this movie is hilarious

[1:39:00] and there is a sensual turtle stroking scene.

[1:39:03] So watch it for that.

[1:39:04] The movie that is not a qualified recommendation

[1:39:08] that I'm going to recommend quickly

[1:39:09] because I don't want to go too deep into spoilers or anything

[1:39:11] is Hereditary, a new horror movie

[1:39:15] that may or may not still be in theaters.

[1:39:17] Toni Collette's in it.

[1:39:19] It's great.

[1:39:20] It's filled with dread.

[1:39:21] I want to see that.

[1:39:22] It reminds me a lot of it feels like a movie that was heavily inspired, not necessarily plot wise, but just the way that like it's shot and the way that people deal with stuff by it.

[1:39:34] It reminds me a lot of Japanese horror films and it's there and there's moments in it that are just are so like kind of stark and shocking and beautiful.

[1:39:47] Like it's a it's a very it's a very interesting looking movie.

[1:39:52] so yeah uh go be stressed out all right uh well it's been one week since you looked at me

[1:40:01] yeah do you guys ever realize that uh bare naked ladies is basically children's music

[1:40:08] uh sure like the way yeah people or college students with the taste of children yeah i

[1:40:16] guess that's it i was i was thinking about i was hearing some in a car recently and i was like

[1:40:20] If I went to a Barenaked Ladies concert, it would feel like I was going to a Wiggles concert.

[1:40:24] I don't know a lot of Barenaked Ladies, but I do know the song Old Apartment.

[1:40:28] Dan, you get around.

[1:40:29] You know plenty of Barenaked Ladies.

[1:40:30] Yeah, because that show was playing at Earlham all the time.

[1:40:33] You know the song Old Apartment, right?

[1:40:34] No, I don't think I know that one.

[1:40:35] That has a lot of wistful adult feelings that I think a kid would not understand.

[1:40:42] I mean, it's about the lyrics are broken to our old apartment, and it's like this is where we used to live.

[1:40:48] and it's about how like...

[1:40:50] It's a classic,

[1:40:51] this used to be my playground type song?

[1:40:52] Yeah, yeah.

[1:40:53] And like how the new owners

[1:40:54] have changed everything around and like...

[1:40:56] Oh, that's a little different.

[1:40:57] Okay.

[1:40:57] Yeah.

[1:40:58] That's fair.

[1:40:59] Well, and yeah,

[1:40:59] and like the difficulty of getting older.

[1:41:02] It's like Johnny's Back by the band Riot,

[1:41:04] which is all about like, you know,

[1:41:07] not liking change

[1:41:08] and just trying to get back

[1:41:09] to the old swing of things

[1:41:10] even though it isn't quite the same anymore.

[1:41:12] That's kind of how I always feel

[1:41:13] about The Boys Are Back in Town.

[1:41:14] It sounds like a really sad song to me

[1:41:16] because I think it's supposed to be like,

[1:41:18] yeah, the boys are back, we're having fun.

[1:41:19] But it always feels like, hey, the boys are back.

[1:41:22] Well, okay, we're not boys anymore,

[1:41:24] so go do your stuff, I've got things to do.

[1:41:26] You must be listening to the Bruce Springsteen version.

[1:41:28] So this is a weird way of ending the show.

[1:41:33] Like sad?

[1:41:34] I mean, like...

[1:41:35] And dragging the bare-negged ladies?

[1:41:37] Sad and unrelated to anything else we've talked about.

[1:41:40] Hey, look, you're the one who said one week.

[1:41:42] I guess so.

[1:41:43] No, no, you said it's been.

[1:41:44] You said it's been.

[1:41:45] So I guess it's on me.

[1:41:47] Yeah, Dan, never say anything that can be misconstrued as the lyrics to a song.

[1:41:51] Yeah.

[1:41:52] Sorry, you said it's been, and I interrupted you.

[1:41:54] What were you going to say?

[1:41:54] It's been 260-some episodes, and I still don't really know how to end this podcast.

[1:41:59] Well, usually we just do it by talking about bare-naked ladies for a little bit.

[1:42:03] The more things change, the more they stay the same.

[1:42:05] What goes around, gnomes around.

[1:42:08] All right, on that note.

[1:42:09] No, wait.

[1:42:09] What gnomes around, gnomes around.

[1:42:12] Gnomes around.

[1:42:15] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:42:18] Yeah, you are.

[1:42:19] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:42:20] And this is Elliot Kalin.

[1:42:21] Not Elliot McCoy.

[1:42:22] That was just a goof earlier.

[1:42:23] My last name's Kalin.

[1:42:24] See you guys.

[1:42:25] Peace.

[1:42:26] Can we try one more?

[1:42:32] Let's try one more.

[1:42:35] I still don't think I have anything.

[1:42:38] On this episode, we discuss Sherlock Gnomes.

[1:42:42] Dan, you misspoke.

[1:42:43] I think you mean Sherlock Holmes.

[1:42:45] Oh, no, wait, I get it, because they're gnomes.

[1:42:48] Can't top me, I'm sorry.

[1:42:51] No, I kind of like to do it to one.

[1:42:53] All right, and three, two...

[1:42:57] Oh, wait, wait, let's try one more.

[1:42:58] I got one more.

[1:42:58] On this episode, we discuss Sherlock Gnomes.

[1:43:03] The movie that dares to answer the question,

[1:43:06] hey, what if Sherlock Holmes was a gnome?

[1:43:09] All right, we did it.

[1:43:12] And three.

[1:43:13] Wait, wait, okay.

[1:43:14] Should we do another couple?

[1:43:15] no wait let's do one more

[1:43:17] on this episode we discuss

[1:43:21] Sherlock Gnomes

[1:43:23] spoiler alert Holmes and

[1:43:25] Gnomes rhyme

[1:43:26] the movie

[1:43:28] maximumfun.org

[1:43:31] comedy and culture artist owned

[1:43:33] listener supported

Ep. #262 - Sherlock Gnomes

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