Ep. #264 - The Emoji Movie LIVE

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, we discuss the Emoji Movie, live from San Francisco, California!

[0:09] Tech Center of America!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And I'm Elliot Kalin. Dan, what's different about what we're doing right now?

[0:46] Uh, we're doing it in front of people, which makes me very uncomfortable.

[0:50] But you like the discomfort.

[0:53] Oh yeah, that's part of the thing for me.

[0:56] It's like it makes you, you're not excited by being watched, but you're excited by the shame you feel from being watched.

[1:02] That's right.

[1:03] Very complicated.

[1:05] Yeah, you're looking forward to the afterwards where you go home and you type it into your diary, Doogie Howser style, right?

[1:11] Yeah.

[1:12] And then Vinnie Delpino comes in, and you're like, you're never going to believe this.

[1:16] I'm a doctor!

[1:18] And a kid!

[1:20] That's true, he is a kid.

[1:21] And Vinnie's like, Doog! And you're like, no, Dan.

[1:24] Dan, one day I'll learn how to doctor up that speech impediment of yours.

[1:28] Max Cassella, that makes you say Doog instead of Dan.

[1:32] Uh, yeah, well that was a current reference that we made.

[1:37] Anyway, uh, so...

[1:39] I'm sorry, I'll talk about Max Cassella's recent work.

[1:45] What is he on, like, blue bloods or something?

[1:47] I don't know. I don't know what color his blood is.

[1:50] Yeah, whose window is he going through now?

[1:52] America's.

[1:54] America Ferrera. She should get a restraining order.

[1:56] Dan, I don't like where this is going.

[1:58] I don't like it either. Even when it was coming out of my mouth, I didn't like it.

[2:02] Dan, what do we do on this fucking podcast?

[2:08] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:11] And, you know, we're...

[2:13] Don't applaud when I say this.

[2:14] We're recording in San Francisco, California.

[2:17] Thank you for your restraint.

[2:18] No, one person started applauding.

[2:21] It wasn't a test. It wasn't like I was like, I tricked ya.

[2:24] Uh, and it's the tech capital of America.

[2:28] And San Franciscans love technology.

[2:30] Cable cars, seals.

[2:33] They love that stuff.

[2:34] Ghirardelli chocolate. Technology, you know?

[2:38] Wait, did you say seals?

[2:40] Yeah.

[2:41] How they're always sunning on the docks and stuff.

[2:43] Alright, okay.

[2:44] Or Seal the Singer. Who doesn't love him?

[2:46] On compact discs. It's technology.

[2:49] So we decided to do a technology movie.

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:53] Yeah.

[2:54] And much more technology than hieroglyphics.

[2:58] It's the earliest technology, Dan.

[3:00] The written word.

[3:01] Technology comes from logos, meaning word.

[3:05] Language.

[3:06] Really?

[3:07] Yeah.

[3:08] You don't read any Alan Moore essays? Come on, Dan.

[3:11] I mean, what he would then go and say is that it's magic or something.

[3:13] I just read his weird pornographic cartoons.

[3:16] This is where we diverge.

[3:19] L.A. doesn't think they're weird.

[3:23] Yeah, what's weird about all the children's characters of children's literature doing it with each other, Dan?

[3:27] Come on.

[3:28] What about a creepy old man with a long beard who lives in England?

[3:31] As long as they don't adapt that work into a movie, he's fine with it.

[3:37] So that was a lot of Alan Moore talk for our San Francisco show about the Emoji movie.

[3:43] And so we knew one thing going into this movie.

[3:46] What was that?

[3:47] We were probably not going to like the Emoji movie.

[3:50] But you know what?

[3:51] We're not the youngest people.

[3:53] We've got to embrace this new technology.

[3:55] This is how people communicate these days is through emojis.

[3:57] Movies?

[3:58] Yeah, movies.

[3:59] Yeah.

[4:00] If you want to send a message to somebody on your phone, you have to make a movie first.

[4:04] OK, it's hard.

[4:05] First, you've got to develop the concept.

[4:07] Then you pitch that concept to a studio.

[4:10] Now, the studio, despite its name, has no physical filming locations.

[4:14] They merely act as a distributor.

[4:16] But they'll put up the money for you to produce it.

[4:18] So you've got to partner with a production company.

[4:20] OK.

[4:21] Now, the production company, they'll put up some of the financing, but they'll also provide the logistics.

[4:26] While the distributor, the studio, puts up most of the movie.

[4:29] Oh, OK, that's cool.

[4:30] So now you've written the script.

[4:31] You cast it.

[4:32] You've done more of your pre-marketing and things like that.

[4:35] A year later, $60 million down the toilet.

[4:37] Is this your TED talk?

[4:38] I don't understand what's going on right now.

[4:40] You've paid $60 million later, and you've got a message you can text to your mom.

[4:45] Oh, OK.

[4:46] To say, happy birthday, mom.

[4:48] Sorry I missed it a couple days ago.

[4:51] It was your real movie, but we had overruns of both time and budget on the film.

[4:56] I like the idea that that is the plot of your movie.

[4:59] Happy birthday, mom.

[5:00] It's a little thin.

[5:02] Not as thin as the last Transformers movie that Stuart and I watched, but, yeah.

[5:07] I would argue that the plot wasn't thin.

[5:11] It was just so crazily explained to us.

[5:14] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[5:15] That there is a secret history of the Transformers where they turned a blind eye to slavery, the Holocaust, etc.

[5:23] It's terrible.

[5:25] You can hear that on FilmSpottingSPU, but we'll go back to our podcast to talk about the Emoji movie.

[5:31] Let's go back to our podcast, the Flophouse podcast, where – what do we do, Dan?

[5:35] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[5:38] Are we in a looper?

[5:39] I don't understand what's going on.

[5:41] So let's talk about the Emoji movie.

[5:43] Let's go through it real quick.

[5:44] Okay, and by real quick, I mean it's going to take a while.

[5:47] We start with the Columbia Pictures logo in front of many classic films, much of Frank Capra's work.

[5:53] But this time it's different because it's got an emoji face that goes on it.

[5:57] Oh, they finally updated the concept of Columbia, the personification of liberty, by throwing an emoji face on it.

[6:04] So it's kind of like when New Line was doing that thing where every time they released a movie, they kind of changed up their New Line logo a little bit.

[6:11] They're like, when Freddy's fighting Jason, it's going to be a red logo because that's the color of blood.

[6:16] Also, they use that for Blade II, which also has blood in it.

[6:22] Yeah, exactly.

[6:24] Then we start hearing a VO from T.J. Miller, star of the Emoji movie, about how amazing smartphone apps are.

[6:30] Get used to it, folks.

[6:32] This movie has got a lot to say about smartphone apps, all positive.

[6:37] There's this goofy kid, Alex, who has a crush on a girl.

[6:39] He's a high school freshman.

[6:41] He got a text from her, and he doesn't know how to respond to it.

[6:44] Now, how else is he going to do it?

[6:46] He's going to have to pick the right emoji because if he picks the wrong emoji, boom, never going to happen.

[6:51] He's going home alone.

[6:53] But if he picks the right emoji, oh, boy, gates of Valhalla will open up to him, and he will be initiated into manhood.

[7:01] It all rests on that one emoji.

[7:04] Yeah, the whole premise of this film is that he cannot send words by any means.

[7:10] Well, as one of his friends says later in the movie, words aren't cool.

[7:14] Yeah.

[7:16] Notice he says it.

[7:17] He doesn't emoji it to his friends.

[7:19] They aren't cool, sir, but they are necessary.

[7:21] You know what's not cool?

[7:24] Infrastructure repairs.

[7:26] But we need it.

[7:27] It is necessary.

[7:28] Functioning highways.

[7:29] Is that awesome or radical?

[7:31] No, except it's pretty cool to drive down a highway.

[7:34] Sure.

[7:37] I guess what I'm saying is life is a highway.

[7:39] My feelings about it, I want to ride it.

[7:41] All night long.

[7:42] Maybe all night long.

[7:43] I'll probably stop somewhere to take a nap.

[7:45] All night is kind of a big investment.

[7:48] What am I sleeping during the day?

[7:49] Am I a vampire?

[7:50] Come on, everybody.

[7:51] How far are we in this movie?

[7:52] I mean that's a picture of a movie right there.

[7:54] You're a vampire who drives around at night.

[7:56] The emojis in the phone.

[7:58] You know how in Toy Story all the toys were kind of alive?

[8:02] Imagine the magic of that living inside your very own phone.

[8:06] Guys, have you seen the Lego movie?

[8:10] Spoiler alert, so have the people who made the emoji movie.

[8:16] The emojis all live in Textopolis,

[8:18] which is an ironic name since they are the exact opposite of text.

[8:22] And all the emojis have one job.

[8:24] It's kind of a weird Stalinist Orwellian world

[8:27] where you are packaged in one particular emotion.

[8:30] And they say everyone has to do that one emotion all the time,

[8:34] even if they don't feel that way.

[8:36] And our hero, whose name is Gene, he's a meh.

[8:40] His parents were mehs, and he's a meh.

[8:43] He can't show emotion.

[8:44] He's just like meh, which is an emoji that I assume teens use a lot.

[8:48] Yeah, except for, I don't know.

[8:52] Are you going to give us a teen tone key or what's going on?

[8:55] Dan, you hang out with teens a lot.

[8:57] This is an episode of our podcast within a podcast called Teen Talk.

[9:03] Okay, give me a second.

[9:07] Stuart is turning around his chair so he can rap with the young people.

[9:12] Dan, drop some knowledge at us about teens.

[9:15] I just feel like if you care so little as to send the text emoji or the meh emoji,

[9:21] wouldn't you just care so little as to not respond to the text?

[9:25] Like what are you expressing in that moment?

[9:28] You're expressing I'm cool because it's cool to be meh.

[9:33] I thought that sending the guy with sunglasses emoji expresses that you're cool.

[9:39] That expresses I wish I was cool.

[9:41] That's so stupid, Dan.

[9:44] What?

[9:47] Dan, you don't really know how cool works, do you?

[9:50] I'm wearing a tweed jacket, so I think I do understand how cool works.

[9:54] The guy with sunglasses emoji signifies I have had recent eye surgery and I am sensitive.

[10:00] to sunlight. Please adjust the drapes accordingly when I enter the room.

[10:06] Anyway, that's teen talk. Let's get back to it.

[10:09] Gene is a mad emoji, but he's got a problem. He can't be mad.

[10:12] He just loves life too much, and he's too excited.

[10:14] He's always cycling through all of his different emojis,

[10:16] but that's bad because this is his first day on the phone.

[10:20] Uh-oh, and he's just walking through Textopolis,

[10:23] and the movie is like, imagine how amazed people are going to be

[10:27] to see all their favorite emojis walking around in a little city

[10:32] that somehow has a functioning economy of some kind and little buildings.

[10:37] But there is one funny joke in it that I will give him credit for

[10:40] that he bumps into an emoticon, and he's like,

[10:42] oh, I hate to jostle the elderly, and the emoticons all have wheelchairs and crutches.

[10:46] And I was like, that's not even a funny joke.

[10:48] Emoticons are the old version of emojis. They're all old.

[10:50] Anyway, but that introduced me to the idea of mortality and aging to the emoji world,

[10:55] which is weird.

[10:57] Anyway, the movie's working overtime to convince us how emojis are real magical,

[11:02] and we're also introduced to the poop emoji played by Sir Patrick Stewart,

[11:05] who you would think from the advertising for this movie was the star of the film.

[11:10] It is a glorified cameo.

[11:13] Yeah, no, this is not poop the movie,

[11:16] which, by the way, would be a better movie than an emoji movie.

[11:20] So this is when he's introduced when he and I think his son,

[11:24] both exit the same toilet stall.

[11:28] Which is just weird. Is it like they take the toilet to work?

[11:31] No, they travel along toilets like they're Harry Potters.

[11:35] Oh, you think that's what it is? Because it's a public bathroom.

[11:37] I assumed it was like they're just so close as father

[11:39] and son that they use the same toilet at the same time.

[11:43] Yeah. Yeah. They both perch on one side of the toilet.

[11:45] Yeah. Or I don't know.

[11:47] The other the other alternative is that they take turns sitting on the toilet

[11:50] while the other one watches.

[11:52] Yeah, or just turns their back, in which case get out of the stall.

[11:56] I mean, this this has been trying to save water by only flushing.

[11:59] Honestly, there's a bigger that's very European.

[12:03] There's a better there's a bigger metaphysical question here,

[12:05] which is does poop poop? Yes, exactly.

[12:09] Does poop come out of poop? Yeah. Does poop eat

[12:12] or does the poop mean? I don't know.

[12:15] I mean, I don't even think about the toilet would be the mortal enemy of poop.

[12:21] Be terrified of the toilet. So this is more of a look who's talking now,

[12:26] Mr. Mr. Potty or whatever it's called.

[12:28] There's a talking toilet Lucas talking now voiced by Mel Brooks,

[12:31] who the the kid in that second or third one.

[12:34] That's the third one where the dogs talk the kid in the movie.

[12:38] Let's just call him look because I don't remember his name.

[12:41] He's afraid of this potty. So you're saying it's something like that.

[12:44] Yeah, we we we we is not something that is involved in the movie.

[12:50] No, I just there's no we we I'm looking at the clock.

[12:53] We have like 20 to 30 minutes to get through the entire movie at this point.

[12:57] It's not going to be that hard. Okay. All right.

[12:59] May is confronted by his parent. Gene is confronted by his parents.

[13:03] We're both meds in the toilet.

[13:04] I guess it's a unisex toilet like on Ally McBeal

[13:07] and they don't believe in him. They don't think he's ready to do this

[13:10] and Smiler the boss of the emojis who's a smiley face emoji

[13:14] who is she's your basic smiley all the time.

[13:17] Kind of like Queen Bee of the high school mean to everybody type.

[13:21] She explains to the to the audience again,

[13:24] how emojis work that emojis they stand in boxes much like the monsters

[13:28] in Cabin in the Woods and a giant a giant finger,

[13:32] which represents Alex's finger in the real world picks an emoji scans it

[13:37] and then that scan is texted out on the phone.

[13:40] It seems completely over elaborate as I do this

[13:44] and there's also a VIP section for favorite emojis

[13:47] and the high five emoji played by James Corden cannot get in there.

[13:51] High five used to be a favorite,

[13:53] but no more he has been a kicked to the curve.

[13:56] The fist bump has now taken his spot as in real life.

[14:00] Now Alex wanting to look cool to this girl.

[14:02] Whose name is Addie because they put zero imagination into the character's names.

[14:07] He chooses math,

[14:08] but Matt cracks under the pressure and goes crazy

[14:10] and his scan gets all screwed up

[14:12] and has multiple different emotions going on at once.

[14:14] And this is Elliot talks about the one time he laughed in the movie.

[14:16] This is the one time I laughed in the movie where this really crazy emoji

[14:20] where it's like smiling one eye open tongue sweat like all going on

[14:25] and he sends it to Addie and Addie's reaction of total confusion.

[14:29] Actually, it was pretty amusing to me.

[14:31] Okay. Anyway, no, that's I know that look.

[14:35] I just I want to I want to give the movie credit where credit is due

[14:38] and that is in this one single joke that happened in the first half hour of the movie

[14:42] and at that point Alex was like no my shot with Addie

[14:46] and Gene is like I don't know what to do

[14:48] and for some reason decides to leap out of his box onto the finger device smashes everything.

[14:52] Oh boy Smiler says looks like this Gene character is a malfunction

[14:56] and must be deleted Gene sad his parents say hey,

[14:59] why don't we just leave you inside the apartment to protect you

[15:02] and the favorites? Yeah, I'll get together to vote to kill Gene.

[15:04] So he doesn't threaten the whole phone

[15:06] and Gene escapes after they sick virus killing bots on him high five.

[15:11] Meanwhile has slipped into the favorite section Gene runs through they escape together

[15:15] and go to the Losers Lounge where unused emojis go to but hold on a second.

[15:19] Who's in the Losers Lounge playing Pong the eggplant emoji.

[15:23] Eggplant emoji is in the Losers Lounge. Hold on a second.

[15:25] Let's hold on a second. He's a teenage boy, dude.

[15:29] Maybe he doesn't understand it. Everything looks like a genital to a teenage boy.

[15:35] He does that eggplant emoji is getting pretty worked.

[15:38] I don't know that's what is it doing in the Losers Lounge getting hot in here.

[15:44] Anyway, high five says to Gene. Here's what you got to do.

[15:47] There's a hacker. We can go to the piracy app

[15:50] and get the hacker to reprogram you so that you work properly.

[15:53] They leave text I receive app by the way, like what is this app that it's for piracy.

[15:59] All right, like pirating stuff. Sure. It's like the the app version of any like hacker character in a movie.

[16:09] Just like it's the nondescript hacker X,

[16:13] you know, like I don't know what I'm saying.

[16:15] Yeah, no, it is. It's the it's the phone version of the Mos Eisley canteen.

[16:20] All the scum of the phone is there.

[16:23] They leave textopolis and find themselves on the magical world known as the wallpaper

[16:28] where every app is and each app has its own world

[16:30] and they walk through a couple different apps.

[16:32] They go through Facebook and WeChat or whatever and high five tells Gene.

[16:35] Look, you don't need friends. You just need fans and popularity.

[16:38] Now I know here's what I don't understand.

[16:40] High five apparently like knows people all over in these different apps.

[16:44] He gets around. Yeah, like Gene the mouth and the Matt emoji is like,

[16:49] I don't understand like he's a babe in the woods.

[16:50] He doesn't understand any of this but high five emoji like he goes to the hacker app

[16:54] and he's like saying hi to everybody high five to everybody.

[16:57] Like what's the what's the deal Elliot?

[17:01] Like he he like is a going all the way over to these other apps all the time.

[17:05] Like it seems to me that people yes people in textopolis only stay in textopolis.

[17:10] Yeah, unless you're cool. All right,

[17:12] and then you go over to the other apps and you hang out and high five people.

[17:15] All right, I guess it's part of his job. He is the high five app.

[17:19] He has to get around and high five people.

[17:21] This is this was your this was the biggest hurdle you had to jump.

[17:25] Yeah, we already know that high five is a rule breaker.

[17:27] He's trying to slip into the VIP lounge,

[17:29] which to be honest looks less cool than the loser lounge.

[17:31] Yeah, I liked more loser lounge bore a real resemblance to the backstage

[17:35] at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York.

[17:37] Whereas the VIP lounge it was more like a high-class strip club.

[17:41] Like it was very I didn't like it wasn't a place.

[17:43] I would feel comfortable. So they go to the piracy app,

[17:46] which is a pirate ship themed bar,

[17:49] which is full of internet trolls and viruses and spam and it's weird

[17:53] that like it is weird piracy app doesn't make sense.

[17:57] It's just where all the bad stuff on the phone goes.

[18:00] Yeah, so wait our internet trolls actual people

[18:03] or are they just weird green viruses?

[18:06] This movie posits a world voice by Jeff Ross internet trolls voiced by Jeff Ross.

[18:13] The Roastmaster General are green things that live in phones dress like nerds.

[18:20] Well and can be deleted so they're not people know

[18:24] but their programs look, let me just say one thing the makers the emoji movie.

[18:27] Don't really seem to know how phones work.

[18:30] There's not a lot of stuff about there's the thing

[18:32] that I thought was weird was there never is never a problem

[18:34] where the phone is going to lose battery and shut off

[18:37] and I think that's a like that's a given do that scene.

[18:40] Come on. Anyway, they don't.

[18:44] Almost instantly they find the hacker who's a girl named jailbreak

[18:47] as Stewart mentioned does this sound like the Lego movie

[18:49] when there's like a cool punk girl that has to help the hero figure things out.

[18:53] They even have like a scene where like they point to someone across the room

[18:57] and like oh you think that that's the jailbreak,

[18:59] you know, it's like a big monster monster looking guy

[19:01] and he walks away and the girl is behind it

[19:04] and the hand goes it's a girl as if like we've never seen

[19:09] like the cool girl hacker character in a movie before ever.

[19:13] I mean like in CIS or whatever steaming over here.

[19:16] Look at him. Yeah. Wait, are you talking about Polly Paret from NCIS?

[19:20] I am talking about 50 year old guy.

[19:22] Yeah, and I am she hasn't changed her haircut in all these years.

[19:25] It's insane by is it a wig sadly.

[19:28] She's no longer on the show. She left the show.

[19:30] Really? Yes, but by law I now must bring up the video

[19:34] where a hacker is breaking into the NCIS computer

[19:37] and she can't type fast enough.

[19:39] So the other guy in the lab starts typing with her on the same keyboard

[19:44] as if two hackers can hack faster on the same keyboard.

[19:49] Like that's how keyboards work.

[19:52] If you haven't seen it, I've mentioned it before go see it.

[19:54] Just type just mute go to YouTube and type in NCIS hacker.

[19:58] The video will come up hilarious.

[20:00] punchline, or do you want to leave that for people to... I want you to, I want them to

[20:03] savor the punchline, which also doesn't explain how computers work.

[20:07] Anyway, they get jailbreak, who, in my notes, for some reason, I

[20:10] accidentally kept calling jailbait. Now, jailbreak.

[20:14] The bots come in. Uh-oh, the anti-virus bots. They are killing people left and

[20:18] right, and Gene impresses jailbreak with his

[20:21] ability to do any expression. And jailbreak says, okay, I'll help you.

[20:25] You know what? We're gonna go, we're gonna go, we have

[20:28] to pass through the firewall to go into Dropbox to get to the cloud,

[20:32] where everyone can live free and be whatever they want to be.

[20:35] But I need your help making the right face to unlock the face recognition for

[20:39] the firewall. And she takes them through a secret

[20:42] escape tunnel into Candy Crush, which is the dumbest thing I've ever said.

[20:48] It is, that is dumb. And Gene gets stuck in the game, and you literally have to

[20:52] watch High Five play Candy Crush to free him. That is boring.

[20:59] If I want to watch someone play Candy Crush, I'll ride public transportation,

[21:02] thank you very much.

[21:07] I know, I wonder which, like, I do wonder which apps, you know, paid to be in the

[21:11] Emoji Movie, and which apps were just, like,

[21:13] woke up one day horrified to find that they were in the Emoji Movie.

[21:17] Like, this is a big plot point that Candy Crush is using.

[21:21] Their mentions are all blowing up, and they're like, what's going on?

[21:23] They're like, Emoji Whatty?

[21:27] Simpson? Some guy named Simpson screwed it up.

[21:31] Meanwhile, Alex tries to talk to his girl, Addie,

[21:34] but his phone starts making weird Candy Crush noises, and she walks away.

[21:37] Weirded out, as we all would be if someone's phone started making noises.

[21:42] That's never happened before, only all the time to everyone.

[21:46] I can't tell you the number of times that Siri has started talking to me,

[21:50] unsolicited, and has my wife ever been

[21:53] another woman? Well, then this is the end of our conversation.

[21:57] No, she said, oh, my phone does that too, please turn that off.

[22:01] When you said unsolicited, I thought that, like, Siri was going to start giving you

[22:04] advice, like, Elliot, do you really think you need

[22:07] that second piece of fried chicken? Get off my back, Siri!

[22:12] Second piece. I'm on a piece six by the time anyone's

[22:15] telling me to stop. By the time Siri's telling you to stop.

[22:18] Here's the pitch, everybody, don't steal this.

[22:20] Siri no to Bergerac. Siri starts giving romance advice

[22:25] to some hapless doof. Somebody is writing that movie

[22:28] right now, and if they're not, I'm going to sell it tomorrow

[22:33] for $700,000. Okay, thank you. Alex is like, this is crazy,

[22:40] I'm going to make an appointment at the phone store,

[22:42] and the emojis go crazy with fear. If he erases the programming on the phone

[22:46] and gets a new OS, I guess, then what's going to happen to them?

[22:50] So, yes, the movie hinges on an appointment at the phone store.

[22:53] Yeah, but that's our ticking clock. They got to figure everything out before

[22:56] the whole phone gets erased. So, they can hear what's happening in the real world all

[22:59] the time? Yeah. How does that make them feel as

[23:02] emojis? Like, are they, like, worthless?

[23:08] We have to assume, since emojis are sentient

[23:12] and accept their lot in life, is that in part of this digital caste system,

[23:16] of which humans are, I mean, humans are probably seen as gods, because they

[23:19] created the emojis. Okay. But, like all gods, when they're too

[23:23] tyrannical, their creations might turn on them. And so,

[23:28] I guess what I'm saying is, we got to be careful with these emojis.

[23:32] Don't rise up. There's a lot of metaphysics about this movie that is not

[23:35] really explained, because jailbreak's got to get them to the

[23:38] firewall, so they can escape to the Dropbox in the cloud.

[23:42] There's a lot of candy jokes that Hi5 does. Boring.

[23:45] Meanwhile, Gene's parents, the meh couple, are looking for Gene. They enter YouTube

[23:49] and distract the virus bots with some cute cat videos.

[23:53] The parents argue over whose fault it is and split up.

[23:56] And I'm like, wait a minute. Am I supposed to care about the marriage

[24:00] between these two emojis, who themselves cannot express emotion?

[24:06] Is this something I am supposed to invest myself in?

[24:10] Dan, what is the movie asking of me in this moment? Because it's a big ask.

[24:14] I mean, yeah. They're asking me, basically,

[24:18] care about the relationship between these two bumper sticker images,

[24:21] because their marriage might be falling apart. Elliot, you,

[24:25] who have such a solid marriage, can't understand

[24:28] the pathos, the pathos of these two characters. Dan, as a living

[24:33] meh emoji, did you, I guess what I'm asking is, did you see

[24:38] yourself in the situation and that help you?

[24:40] Because I, as someone who's just happy all the time,

[24:43] look, I just couldn't get it. I might be a meh emoji, but I have aspirations. I

[24:47] aspire to be the monocle emoji.

[24:52] So wait, what emoji would you be, Elliot? I think I'd probably be

[24:57] probably be that shrimp. The shrimp emoji.

[25:01] That's a good one. Or maybe like the flag of Nepal.

[25:06] That's a cool flag. Yeah, yeah. What would you be, Stuart?

[25:09] It's pretty easy. Smiley face with a cowboy hat.

[25:12] Yeah, I think so. You know. You know what, can I, if I'm an emoji, can I change my

[25:17] race? Yeah, I guess. Where are you headed with

[25:20] this? I don't know. I'm just looking into all my options.

[25:23] Okay. I just want to know. I haven't made a decision yet.

[25:26] Sorry, judge emoji. I think we're entering some weird Rachel

[25:30] Dolezal area here. All right. It's different in emoji world. Oh, by

[25:34] the way, all the emojis in the movie are basic default yellow, which means white.

[25:38] So anyway.

[25:41] And they, meanwhile, these heroes, they take a digital tube to some stairs

[25:46] and enter the Just Dance app. They've got to get through it. Don't turn it on

[25:50] because then they'll have to dance or die.

[25:52] High Five loves to dance. Turns it on. But Jailbreak can't dance.

[25:56] And if she doesn't dance properly in the Just Dance game app,

[26:00] she will fall to her death. And this is maybe the most artificial conflict I've

[26:04] ever seen in a movie. That this character, who's the

[26:07] personification of an emoji concept, we don't know which one yet,

[26:11] has to learn how to dance quickly or she will lose

[26:14] a video game on a phone that will kill her.

[26:18] Yep. And she's saved by the movie inventing

[26:21] a branded dance move. The Emoji Pop. Stuart, I believe you can do the Emoji Pop.

[26:27] Stuart's going to show us the Emoji Pop. Well, we'll do our best to

[26:32] describe it, okay? Stuart is... Yeah, it's kind of like he

[26:35] has to keep covering his face and a different emoji comes up.

[26:38] But his legs kick out, too. His legs kind of kick out like the scarecrow.

[26:41] Yeah, yeah. That's the Emoji Pop, everybody.

[26:47] That's the hottest new dance inside your phone. You'd have to imagine that

[26:51] during some of those moves, my eyeballs were turning into dollar signs or hearts.

[26:55] Yeah. Meanwhile, I'll do this. Jailbreak's hat

[26:59] flies off. There's a tiara underneath. She's actually a princess emoji.

[27:02] Uh-oh, the antivirus robots enter. Don't worry, they're on the other side of the

[27:06] app, but they're great dancers. So they are quickly reaching them. Also,

[27:09] they can shoot lasers, which is never really factored in as a real

[27:12] threat, even though that's the bigger threat than if they get close to you, that

[27:16] they can shoot a laser at you. You know, in the real world, of course,

[27:19] Alex's phone starts making dance sounds in school,

[27:22] and he gets in trouble. Alex deletes the app, which crumbles around our heroes,

[27:26] and we catch a glimpse of the Just Dance mascot, who is what, Christina Aguilera?

[27:31] Yes. Looking around, we get a

[27:35] glimpse of her looking around in horror as her world is destroyed.

[27:39] Yeah, this is a very nihilistic

[27:43] movie. She's like, I just wanted people to dance.

[27:46] Like, the danger of this movie is, at all times, like, being deleted, like, the danger

[27:51] is pure oblivion. Yeah. Like, that's the bad

[27:54] guy in the movie, really, is the erasure of yourself and all of your

[27:58] friends. Yeah, as if you never existed. And you might

[28:02] spend a little bit of time in the purgatory of the, what, the garbage file?

[28:06] The garbage app, the trash can app, which is not

[28:08] an app on my phone. No. Which is basically like a garbage planet,

[28:13] but doesn't feature cool robots singing that Dare to Be Stupid song,

[28:18] which is the best garbage planet ever.

[28:23] Can't argue with it. So, High Five gets taken by one of the robots and deleted.

[28:28] Uh-oh. So, to recap, by this point, we have learned that

[28:32] hands that are doing a high-five motion love candy and can dance really

[28:36] well, but it's dangerous for them. Gene

[28:39] refuses to leave High Five behind. He says, what's the good of being number one

[28:42] without all the other numbers? Jailbreak thinks that's pretty cool. And

[28:45] she thinks they can save High Five by traveling to the garbage app by

[28:49] riding a boat through the music streams of the Spotify app.

[28:53] Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, the other emojis are running out of time. Smiler upgrades one

[28:58] of the virus robots into a supervirus robot, who, spoiler alert,

[29:02] is much less effective than the other robots we've seen. By the way, I think it,

[29:05] I, I, they always go through, like, the

[29:08] interesting apps. I think it would be interesting if they had to go through,

[29:10] like, well, now we have to go through the calculator.

[29:14] Uh-oh. We've got to finish off all these reminders, or else we'll never get out of

[29:17] this app.

[29:21] Yeah. Let's go into Slack. Talk about schedules.

[29:28] All right. Settings? Oh, no! Uh, Jailbreak complains while they're on a

[29:34] canoe they got somewhere, riding the Spotify music streams, uh, each

[29:39] of those streams paying the artists who created them fractions of a penny.

[29:43] Uh, Jailbreak complains that emoji women can only be princesses or brides, but in

[29:47] the clouds, cloud, you can do anything. Now, Jean,

[29:51] who's a meh, has a mom. So, that's a woman who's a meh. Right.

[29:56] So, what, and Smiler is a woman. So, which emo, did, did they just

[30:00] more since jailbreak left? I think so. I think she was part of the the first

[30:05] batch. I think she specifically says at in the beginning. I mean God created

[30:10] emojis. So this is like a May-September romance between jailbreak and

[30:15] Jean. You're also opening a whole can of worms with like the idea of like there

[30:19] are sexed emojis like that there's both the male and the female. Makes me wonder like is

[30:25] that a cake emoji? Does that have a gender or a sex? Like the shrimp emoji. I

[30:29] want to know. Yeah and apparently these emojis make love if they create the baby

[30:34] man. We see no other well there's a donut emoji who has little baby donuts and

[30:38] there's Jean's parents. Yeah how did they what did how did that happen? What's that

[30:42] all about? I mean how do we know they're smooth? I don't see any genitals. Well

[30:46] they might have. I mean there's no actual indication they're having where they

[30:50] reproduce sexually. They could just be like beholders in D&D and dream other

[30:56] emojis into existence. Okay possible. Only in a live podcast taping

[31:03] does beholders get a applause break. Where's the beholder emoji? Why don't

[31:09] they have one of those? I guess that's actually crazy that that doesn't exist. I guess

[31:12] because it's a copywriting character. Maybe nerds aren't into tech stuff. Yeah right yeah

[31:16] there's not a lot of overlap between the tech world and the D&D world. Although I

[31:22] guess they got to be doing something on those private buses. I thought it was

[31:25] playing D&D but I don't know. That's a San Francisco joke. Anyway long story short

[31:32] jailbreak says to Jean I know you want to be this one thing but I think you're

[31:36] cool the way you are. They have an almost kiss moment. It's much like the kiss the

[31:40] girl sequence from Little Mermaid except that's really good and this is not good.

[31:44] Long story short they save High Five by hoisting him out of the garbage leaving

[31:48] the just app dancer and the trolls to continue dying. Jean's mom wanders into

[31:54] Instagram and walks through Alex's memories and Jean's dad is there and he

[31:58] reveals you know what he has other expressions too he's just never used

[32:01] them and he blames himself for Jean's condition. They reconfirm their love and

[32:05] leave. Hopefully finding a corner somewhere along the way to maybe do what

[32:09] they needed to have another little Jean. Whatever that is. Meanwhile the

[32:15] upgraded cube cloud bot who's made up of lots of little cubes finds our heroes

[32:20] but he can't follow them into Dropbox because as jailbait says and maybe the

[32:23] most quotable. Is that jailbait? Because jailbreak is a dumb name yes as jailbreak

[32:30] says. Whereas jailbait is a great name. According to Lemmy it is. Anyway

[32:38] whereas jailbreak in the most quotable line in the movie says it can't follow

[32:45] us because it's illegal malware and Dropbox is secure. How many kids are

[32:51] quoting that line with their friends? Which raises the question who is this

[32:55] movie for? Because there are no children out there who understand the jokes about

[33:01] Dropbox and firewalls and whatnot but there's no one over the age of three

[33:06] that would be entertained by the emoji movie. I love the concept of kids being

[33:12] so excited that Dropbox is gonna be in the movie. Like at the end of

[33:19] the first Avengers when Thanos shown up and I was like holy shit Thanos is in a

[33:23] movie that these kids are like wait hold on hold on hold on I'm gonna finally get

[33:27] to see Dropbox in a movie. I just hope that they portray him in the way I've

[33:32] come to know him from my use of him as a file-sharing service. That never works

[33:38] for Elliot properly. And it always asked me to pay money to make it bigger. I

[33:44] always run out of space. There's a lot of ads online that are about paying money

[33:48] to make things bigger. Yeah? Anyway there's Dropbox takes them on kind of a

[33:58] crappy theme park ride to the firewall. Guess what Alex's password turns out to

[34:03] be Abby the name of the girl he has a crush on which is super creepy. They

[34:09] enter the cloud and jailbreak starts doing her coding hacking work to turn to

[34:12] change Jean into a full-on meh. But he says while I have these expressions I

[34:16] want to use them and he tells her that he loves her and he could stay there

[34:19] with her forever and ever and ever and it goes from super sweet to really

[34:23] clingy and creepy like almost instantly the more evers and forevers he adds to

[34:28] this it's like you just met her earlier today like ask her out once before you

[34:33] tell her how you want to be with her forever in the cloud. To this movie's

[34:36] credit I I don't think that they ever end up together right like at the end of

[34:40] the movie there's no. It's heavily implied that they now have a working

[34:43] relationship. Oh really? He has been. I mean a working relationship yeah. Oh working

[34:48] relationship yeah. Not a working relationship as in a functioning

[34:51] romantic relationship working like they work together now. No that's good I mean

[34:54] I think it's good that this movie at least doesn't paint like Matt as like oh

[34:58] because I love you because I'm like pining after you you of course need to

[35:02] love me back like jailbreak is like you know what you're great but I'm not into

[35:07] you. She's like I don't want to be defined by a relationship yeah and he's

[35:11] like really hurt. So far as the emoji movie has a good message that's the

[35:15] closest it comes to it. I mean the other messages are be yourself as long as

[35:18] being yourself involves using all these branded apps and products. Yeah and

[35:22] use Dropbox it's a great service. Kids if you're not using Dropbox to send your

[35:29] friends I don't know what stickers and graham crackers. I don't know what you're

[35:34] doing. Timmy I Dropboxed you a graham cracker. Yum I guess. Hey can I you have two

[35:42] go-gurts in your lunch can I have one yeah let me Dropbox it to you. Gene is

[35:49] really hurt now he's meh for real his soul has been killed and then Megabot

[35:53] attacks him oh no and high-five is like jailbreak save him and and she becomes

[35:58] she takes off her hat becomes a princess emoji again whistles and summons the

[36:03] most powerful of all the icons the Twitter bird oh yeah. So normally you'd

[36:10] expect the Twitter bird to show up and just devour them and shit all over them

[36:14] and spew hot garbage. The Twitter bird just shows up and dumps mean feelings on

[36:20] them and they're like why did I do this? A bunch yeah a bunch of neo-nazis come

[36:25] out of the Twitter bird. Oh no why weren't you banned? Just Russian bots but the

[36:32] Twitter and this is the moment I wanted the German Twitter bot that's not

[36:35] racist. This is the part where the I guess the audience of four or five

[36:41] year olds is supposed to just get up out of their seats cheering that Twitter

[36:44] bird showed up because he's not angry bird he's an unangry bird he's Twitter

[36:50] bird yeah he can't lift that well no but everyone has their limits yeah anyway

[36:55] keeps trying meanwhile Smiler I thought that virus bot was gonna kill Gene no he

[37:00] takes him back to Smiler Smiler wants to kill Gene in front of everybody all the

[37:04] other emojis and even the other emojis are like this is a little weird they're

[37:08] like look what our government does in our name we don't want to see it like we

[37:13] kind of know what's happening in the back of our heads but we don't want to

[37:15] be confronted with it we're complicit in a way that I'm not really comfortable

[37:18] with this is why I tell myself those taxes go to Rhodes and I don't think

[37:23] about what else they pay for anyway I assume that's what Pope emoji poop

[37:26] emoji was saying when he made some poop joke but Gene's parents show up shows up

[37:31] dad reveals he's also a malfunction and Smiler's like all right I'll just kill

[37:35] you both jailbreak and high-five show up and they shut down that robot which

[37:39] falls on Smiler and I assumed for a moment killed her but uh-oh there's a

[37:44] bigger threat guys remember that bigger than an emoji yeah there's a bigger

[37:50] threat than a giant robot that's gonna crush you because it's time for Alex's

[37:53] tech support appointment why this is a horrifying moment why wasn't Thor

[38:01] Ragnarok called Thor tech support appointment the same basic issue they're

[38:05] worried their homes will be destroyed yeah I don't know he's and they start

[38:10] deleting the phone which in classic movie fashion means that everything

[38:14] except the main character starts disappearing and you know turning into

[38:17] nothingness yeah a lot of back to the future yeah it's like a circle that come

[38:22] become smaller and smaller on the phone as things get deleted which of course as

[38:26] we all know is the way things get deleted on a phone like they don't all

[38:30] just get deleted at once it's this this this slight accretion over time that's

[38:35] why I always put your favorite app in the center of the screen yeah because

[38:39] that's it'll get deleted last and you get that last sweet second with it it's

[38:44] like it when Arnold Schwarzenegger commando says I like you I'll kill you

[38:47] last that's how you should feel about that app put it in the middle and then

[38:51] you put it and then you let it die anyway and you go I lied that kind of

[38:54] thing that's what Arnold Schwarzenegger says when he deletes apps from his phone

[38:59] Facebook I like you best I'll kill you last I lied Facebook delete uninstall

[39:06] but they're like if we can get one last emoji through to Alex and it's the

[39:11] perfect emoji to text to Addie he'll realize his phone isn't messed up it's

[39:15] better than normal phone and it'll save us hey like Elliot you know what Arnold

[39:20] Schwarzenegger is when he's deleting apps eraser nice nice that's a movie

[39:27] did not deserve groans from the audience that people should be throwing

[39:31] flowers and hosannas on you they should be taking you on their shoulders and

[39:37] parading you through the streets like some sort of child God whose every

[39:42] utterance is both innocent and wise now like now I'm desperately trying to think

[39:49] of something else and all the best I could come up with was command-o I'll

[39:58] tell you what Dan let's see

[40:00] A little bit of the sludge, the slush file, on that one.

[40:02] What went, what didn't make it to the, to your lips,

[40:05] if Command O was the best?

[40:08] Jingle all the way.

[40:11] You know what, forget I asked.

[40:12] You're asking for the worst.

[40:14] And I got it, okay.

[40:17] There's only, and so, because of course,

[40:20] Alex will see the emoji on his phone,

[40:21] go, yeah, this is how to talk to Addie.

[40:23] I won't erase my phone.

[40:24] That's the way people think.

[40:26] Textopolis is getting deleted, including Gene's parents.

[40:29] Jailbreak is like, Gene, I believe in you.

[40:31] And Gene takes the time, as his world is being destroyed,

[40:34] his parents having just been consigned

[40:37] to the trash heap of history,

[40:38] their memories to be erased when he's erased from existence,

[40:41] takes a moment to remember

[40:43] all the good scenes we had in the movie.

[40:46] As we flash back through the things

[40:48] that maybe we forgot about,

[40:49] since this movie is almost 80 minutes long.

[40:53] And finally, Gene just goes, you know what?

[40:56] And he gets scanned as he does multiple facial expressions.

[40:59] It's a moving emoji that tells multiple facial expressions.

[41:03] And it goes through like, hi, bashful, kissy face.

[41:06] I think you're cool, whatever.

[41:08] And Alex goes, check out this emoji.

[41:11] Of course, it's the perfect emoji.

[41:12] It says everything.

[41:13] He sends it to Addie.

[41:14] Addie's response, that's one super cool emoji.

[41:17] You know what, Alex, I will go to the dance with you.

[41:21] Yeah, the idea that she is wooed by this single emoji

[41:24] that just cycles through emotions.

[41:26] If anything, why couldn't you have just,

[41:29] if that was the answer to everything,

[41:30] he could have just put all those emojis in a line together.

[41:34] But he didn't know that.

[41:34] And expressed the same thing.

[41:36] Look, what she's saying to him right then is,

[41:39] if you feel like giving me a lifetime of devogee,

[41:43] Yeah.

[41:44] I second that emoji.

[41:46] Okay.

[41:49] That's the message right there in that scene.

[41:54] Anyway, Gene, at that point again.

[41:57] Stuart, are you okay?

[41:58] Stuart is busy vomiting.

[41:59] Stuart, imagine how unhappy you're gonna be

[42:02] when I mention this, that Gene's not dancing anymore.

[42:05] He's making emoji move.

[42:07] Anyway, that's a more up-to-date one.

[42:10] All right, forget it.

[42:11] I guess I'm the only one who listens to the radio

[42:12] while they drive in a car.

[42:16] So she goes to the dance with him.

[42:17] He unplugs the phone and everything magically undeletes.

[42:21] Gene saved the day.

[42:22] All the emojis love him.

[42:24] And you know what?

[42:25] We're done with hierarchies and textopolis.

[42:27] Now everyone's allowed to the VIP section

[42:29] and they all dance that hot new dance, the emoji pop.

[42:34] Stuart, give us a taste.

[42:36] Oh boy, here it goes.

[42:38] All right.

[42:40] He's popping.

[42:41] He's dancing, he's popping.

[42:42] He's popping different faces.

[42:43] Look at that tongue out.

[42:44] Oh, he looks confused.

[42:45] Oh, he's happy now.

[42:49] Even with a bad back.

[42:50] Yeah.

[42:51] With a bad back he's doing.

[42:52] The last time we came to California,

[42:53] Stuart was so injured he couldn't even join us.

[42:55] Now he's emoji popping.

[42:57] And there's a little post-credit scene that Stuart missed

[43:00] because he left the room at that point.

[43:02] Where we see that Smiler in a neck brace now

[43:04] after having had a huge robot drop on her

[43:07] is in the loser's lounge,

[43:08] which gives the lie to High Five's statement earlier

[43:11] that now everyone's allowed in the VIP lounge.

[43:14] It seems that-

[43:15] She's a political opponent.

[43:16] Yeah, yes.

[43:17] Much like Plato's Republic,

[43:19] this is only an illusion of democracy,

[43:21] but it's actually controlled by high placed elites,

[43:24] namely Gene, Jailbreak, and High Five.

[43:28] So that's great.

[43:29] We-

[43:30] Thus ends the epic tale of the emoji movie.

[43:33] Yeah.

[43:35] So that's really quick.

[43:37] So, so, Dan?

[43:42] No, okay.

[43:42] I was looking to see what the audience, Mike, was.

[43:44] So really quick.

[43:45] I was looking to see what the audience was.

[43:48] Dan, are you okay?

[43:49] Let's say our final judgments,

[43:52] whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[43:55] or a movie we kind of like, Elliot, go.

[43:56] I would say this was a bad, bad movie.

[44:00] Oh, you know what?

[44:01] I'll say one thing.

[44:02] It might even be good, bad.

[44:04] Because-

[44:05] Really?

[44:06] There's a lot in this movie to dig through

[44:08] when you're watching and go like, what?

[44:10] Why is that happening?

[44:12] It is, there's nothing, like,

[44:14] the jokes in it are not particularly funny.

[44:17] Characters don't make sense.

[44:18] The logic of the world does not make sense.

[44:21] It's basically an 80-minute advertisement to children

[44:24] about how great phones are,

[44:26] and especially branded apps like Dropbox.

[44:31] I mean, it's a super secure app.

[44:36] It's great.

[44:37] If Dropbox were to say, wanna sponsor our podcast,

[44:39] I wouldn't be against it.

[44:40] I wouldn't turn that down.

[44:41] It's a great app.

[44:42] It's secure.

[44:43] Malware can't go in.

[44:44] You've been chased by a, or malware,

[44:45] whatever it's pronounced.

[44:46] If you're being chased by a big antivirus robot,

[44:49] hop inside a Dropbox.

[44:51] It can't follow you.

[44:52] Although, the weird thing is,

[44:53] if anything, the antivirus robot was created by the app.

[44:57] That antivirus robot was given illegal,

[45:00] like, an illegal power-up or something, right?

[45:02] Oh, I see.

[45:03] That's what it was.

[45:04] Guys.

[45:05] I guess what I'm gonna say is,

[45:06] go watch the Emoji Movie,

[45:07] because I'm a sadist.

[45:08] Stuart?

[45:09] Guys, this is a bad, bad movie.

[45:12] The jokes aren't funny at all,

[45:14] and they're super lazy.

[45:17] And if you want to watch a good, bad movie like this,

[45:21] if you want to watch a good, bad,

[45:23] terribly animated movie focused on branded content,

[45:27] I'd direct you to Food Fight.

[45:32] It will give you nightmares.

[45:33] It's crazy.

[45:35] I will say, the animation in this movie is not so bad.

[45:38] I didn't think, the design is not fantastic, but.

[45:41] Yeah, it's not great.

[45:42] I mean, well, it looks like emojis.

[45:43] I mean, it's a brightly colored movie.

[45:46] The animation is fine.

[45:47] Like, the look of the movie is not the problem.

[45:49] That's fine.

[45:49] The problem is the jokes,

[45:50] and just like, the conception of it.

[45:52] The story, the concept, the premise?

[45:53] Yeah, it's a bad, bad movie.

[45:55] Even the fact that they could not come up,

[45:56] just title the movie, like, Emojis, or something.

[45:59] The Emoji Movie, it feels like,

[46:01] they didn't have a title for it,

[46:03] and the prince accidentally went out to the theaters

[46:05] before they could put a title on it.

[46:07] Oh, I thought it sounds like

[46:08] we've been clamoring for this all our lives.

[46:11] It's like, finally, the Emoji Movie!

[46:16] I can't hear myself, but I'm assuming that...

[46:19] These are real podcast listeners, not actors.

[46:22] And, uh, hey, thanks for coming.

[46:25] Here's a list of descriptors.

[46:27] What would you choose to describe the perfect podcast?

[46:31] I mean, vulgarity.

[46:33] Dumb.

[46:35] Definitely dumb.

[46:36] And like, right here, this one.

[46:39] Meritless.

[46:40] I don't know.

[46:44] Meritless.

[46:46] What if I told you there was a podcast

[46:48] that did have all of that?

[46:49] No.

[46:50] Jordan, Jesse, Go, and it's free.

[46:53] Jordan, Jesse, Go?

[46:56] Jordan, Jesse, Go.

[46:57] Jordan, Jesse, Go, a real podcast.

[47:03] Beloved, maximum fun, Star Trek podcast,

[47:06] The Greatest Generation, is going out on tour.

[47:09] We are bringing Greatest Gen Con

[47:12] to a bunch of cities in the U.S. and Canada.

[47:14] It's our big tribute to slash send up of Star Trek II,

[47:19] The Wrath of Khan, and we have a big leg coming up.

[47:22] Yes, we are raising our legs on a number of cities

[47:25] in the coming weeks.

[47:27] We're going to Washington, D.C. on August 23rd.

[47:30] The Bell House in Brooklyn, New York on August 24th.

[47:32] Mass MoCA in North Adams, Massachusetts on August 25th.

[47:36] Pittsburgh on the 28th.

[47:38] Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur Theater on the 29th.

[47:41] Atlanta, Georgia at the Earl on the 30th.

[47:43] Ferndale, Michigan at the Magic Bag on the 31st.

[47:47] Those are some great big rooms

[47:48] and some great big cities, Ben.

[47:50] And it's a really fun show, it's accessible

[47:52] even if you haven't listened to the podcast yet.

[47:54] We can't wait to see you when we're out on tour.

[47:56] Check greatestgencon.com for dates

[47:59] and ticketing information.

[48:01] And Khan is spelled K-H-A-N because Wrath of Khan.

[48:04] Greatestgen, K-H-A-N, dot com.

[48:08] Hey everyone, it's a live show,

[48:10] so you know what that means.

[48:12] It's time for another Dan Solo ad read.

[48:16] If I was really industrious,

[48:17] I would put a reverb after that, under that.

[48:23] But I'm not, I am not industrious.

[48:26] Now, let's address the elephant in the room.

[48:29] A lot of people have been writing in,

[48:31] a lot of people have been tweeting at me saying,

[48:33] Dan, that last ad read, were you super drunk?

[48:38] And the answer is no.

[48:40] I'm sorry guys, I was super tired.

[48:45] What you're hearing there is tired.

[48:48] Tired and self-hatred.

[48:51] Self-hatred.

[48:54] So on that note, let's talk about Squarespace.

[48:58] Now, Squarespace is a great service.

[49:00] You can use it to make all sorts of websites.

[49:03] Websites where you speculate, perhaps,

[49:05] on whether I've been drinking or not.

[49:07] Or whether I'm just, again, very tired.

[49:12] And what can you do with the Squarespace website?

[49:14] You can showcase your work.

[49:16] You could announce another event or special project.

[49:20] And you can use their powerful e-commerce functionality

[49:26] to sell anything online.

[49:30] They've got beautiful templates,

[49:32] created by world-class designers.

[49:34] Free and secure hosting,

[49:35] and nothing to patch or upgrade ever.

[49:38] Ever.

[49:40] I hate upgrading things.

[49:42] Squarespace, can you help?

[49:44] Squarespace says yes.

[49:47] Nothing to patch or upgrade.

[49:52] If you are interested in any of this,

[49:54] you can go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[49:58] And when you're ready to launch,

[50:00] Use the offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[50:09] So that's our big business sponsor.

[50:14] But I know what you come here for.

[50:16] You come here for the Jumbotrons.

[50:18] You come here for the people.

[50:20] We've got a couple Jumbotrons right now.

[50:24] First off, you love Elliot's recommendations, right?

[50:29] Sure, we all do.

[50:31] If you're looking for more Elliot-esque fancy pants movie chat,

[50:35] we invite you to visit the Magic Lantern Podcast.

[50:38] If you're more of a steward, don't worry.

[50:40] We cover the grindhouse as well as the art house.

[50:43] All you jams won't be left out either, as we even have a butt-centric episode 69.

[50:48] The Magic Lantern Podcast is all things to all people.

[50:51] Listen today.

[50:53] Find the Magic Lantern on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play,

[50:57] or wherever you find your podcasts and subscribe today.

[51:00] Now let's see.

[51:01] A butt-centric episode 69.

[51:07] That is a subscribe.

[51:10] I'm just going to go to the podcast.

[51:14] Search for podcasts.

[51:16] Find the Magic Lantern.

[51:20] You know what? I can do this later.

[51:22] I can do this later. What am I doing?

[51:25] That was the podcast subscription bit.

[51:30] This next message is 4channing, and it's from Mara.

[51:38] And I almost said that it was 4channing and from Tatum.

[51:44] 4channing and from Mara, though.

[51:49] And that's not 4channing.

[51:52] That's 4channing.

[51:55] And Mara says,

[51:57] The last four years of watching movies and TV shows with you have been the best four years of my life.

[52:04] I look forward to many more.

[52:06] Happy anniversary, Channing.

[52:08] All my love.

[52:09] And butterfly kisses, Mara.

[52:13] But that's all sponsors we have.

[52:15] So now let's enjoy the rest of this episode, which I can't remember which one it is.

[52:24] We should move on, though.

[52:26] Okay.

[52:27] All right.

[52:28] What do we do next, man?

[52:29] Looking at me like I'm the ringmaster here.

[52:31] We're going to take a few audience questions if you care to ask them.

[52:35] There's an audience mic over here, which is what I was looking for before.

[52:39] House left, stage right.

[52:41] No, no.

[52:42] You suddenly looked as if you saw a ghost.

[52:47] Are you just sad that we've been talking about phones this whole time and you haven't got to look at yours in a while?

[52:52] I am sad that I haven't got to look at my phone for a little while.

[52:55] Now, Elliot, you usually like to give a little bit of a speech before we do audience questions.

[53:00] Yes.

[53:01] Sometimes you're too harsh about it.

[53:04] You know, everybody, four score and seven years ago.

[53:07] All right.

[53:09] No, that's not the speech that you usually do.

[53:11] Oh, okay.

[53:12] Is it the speech from the day the earth stood still?

[53:13] No, that's not.

[53:15] If you threaten to extend your violence, this earth of yours shall be reduced to a burned-out cinder.

[53:22] That's not the speech either.

[53:23] Okay.

[53:24] Is it, uh, you can't handle the truth.

[53:26] That's not really a speech, I guess.

[53:28] That's just a thing he says.

[53:29] Yeah.

[53:30] Just one line from the movie.

[53:31] Okay.

[53:32] Well, isn't every speech just one line that's real long?

[53:35] Well, this is such a stupid philosophical statement.

[53:41] All right.

[53:42] Let me talk.

[53:43] Okay.

[53:44] I don't want to sound too rough here.

[53:45] Okay.

[53:46] Here's the thing.

[53:47] We've all been to Q&As.

[53:48] We've all had cues we've wanted aid.

[53:51] And we've all seen people with cues that didn't really deserve to be aid.

[53:56] Let's just say that.

[53:57] So here's a piece of advice I like to take when I'm at a Q&A.

[54:00] When I got a good steaming hot cue all racked up ready for a good old-fashioned aiding, I like to say to myself.

[54:09] I regret setting you up for this.

[54:11] I like to say to myself, hey, does anyone but me care about this question?

[54:17] Or to put it in other words, if I was not me and someone else asked this question from their own mouths, would I care?

[54:28] And if I think to myself, no, if someone else asked this question, I would not care.

[54:32] Then I think of another question.

[54:34] And so I guess let's just have – let's just in the interest of time and everything like that, look.

[54:40] Oh, god.

[54:43] Whatever Elliot says, in the interest of time.

[54:46] In the interest of my sucking up more time, look.

[54:49] You guys are here for us.

[54:51] That's fantastic, and we love it.

[54:52] That's amazing.

[54:53] We love our people, and thank you so much San Francisco for being so welcoming to us and everyone for coming out here.

[54:58] You don't need to tell us how much you like us, so skip the intro.

[55:01] Would you tell us how much you like us?

[55:03] Because we know it.

[55:04] You wouldn't be here otherwise.

[55:05] Jesus Christ, Elliot.

[55:06] Unless this is one of those grand piano type situations where you're here because you've got to solve a crime before a family member is murdered or something.

[55:14] One of those Nick at Time with Johnny Depp situations.

[55:16] Now we seem mean and conceited.

[55:19] One of those Cary Grant at the auction house situations.

[55:22] No, let's just start taking questions.

[55:24] Let's just start taking questions.

[55:25] We don't have time for a song, unfortunately.

[55:30] Well, if you say that then.

[55:35] We really don't have time for a song right now.

[55:39] Dan and Stu, take a breather.

[55:42] Because me and these folks are going to have a little song about how we don't have time for the song that I'm singing right now.

[55:49] I'm eating up the clock.

[55:50] Hey, put a sock in it, Elliot.

[55:53] Because we really don't have time for this song right now.

[55:57] But hey, you know, I just feel like it wouldn't be a Flophouse show if there wasn't a song from me to you that went a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long way.

[56:11] Hey, everyone.

[56:13] We've had a great time with this song.

[56:16] Maybe it's time to put it to bed and let it live inside of your head in the memories that you'll take with you to the end of your days.

[56:28] And someday on your deathbed, when you think back to the moments that meant the most to you, the song will be there to comfort you.

[56:38] In those final moments when you realize that heaven doesn't exist.

[56:44] Thank you very much, everybody.

[56:45] Let's get to the questions, shall we?

[56:47] You know what?

[56:51] All right.

[56:52] I might just be wrong about one thing.

[56:55] No more.

[56:56] You, sir.

[56:57] Please.

[56:58] Hey, guys.

[56:59] Great song.

[57:00] Thank you very much.

[57:01] Encore?

[57:02] Of course.

[57:03] We're already hitting.

[57:05] All right.

[57:06] Please.

[57:07] So I've been through a lot of the back catalog.

[57:10] I'm sorry.

[57:11] I've never once heard you guys mention the movie Freddy Got Fingered.

[57:17] Sure.

[57:18] And I feel like it's an omission.

[57:20] And I was just wondering if I could get a hot take on it.

[57:23] My hot take is I kind of like Freddy Got Fingered.

[57:26] I think it's kind of funny.

[57:28] I've actually never seen it.

[57:29] No?

[57:30] I was never a big fan of the Tom Green show, so I just didn't bother to see the movie.

[57:33] I mean, it's barely a movie.

[57:35] Sell it.

[57:36] Sell it to me.

[57:37] Yeah, sounds great.

[57:38] It's just a bunch of weird scenes strung together.

[57:40] But if you want to see a movie where Tom Green, out of nowhere, sees a horse by the side of

[57:47] the road with a big dick, decides that he needs to immediately stop the car, run out

[57:53] of the car, jack off the horse, and then continue on his way.

[57:58] I feel like you're not describing the film that I need to see.

[58:02] Is your film.

[58:03] I feel like there's not a Tom Green jacking off a horse hole in my heart that needs to

[58:08] be filled.

[58:09] But, okay, Stuart, you got a feeling about it?

[58:12] I haven't seen it, so I can't really say much.

[58:15] So this is why it has not connections.

[58:17] Yeah, it's a movie that at the time was panned quite a bit, but I think it has had a re-evaluation

[58:22] recently.

[58:23] Like, I've seen reviewers are like, hey, it's actually good, dude.

[58:27] That's my impression of a movie reviewer.

[58:29] You sound dumb.

[58:32] A movie reviewer for Ninja Turtle Quarterly.

[58:34] Yeah.

[58:35] I gave it three pizzas.

[58:37] I guess that's our answer.

[58:39] Yeah.

[58:40] Thank you.

[58:41] Thanks for coming.

[58:42] Next question.

[58:44] We may not have enough time to get through everyone, by the way.

[58:46] I'm sorry.

[58:47] Let's try it.

[58:48] Why would that be?

[58:49] What did we do that ate up all that time?

[58:53] Hi, Tim.

[58:54] Middle name withheld, Bab.

[58:55] I wanted a two-part question.

[58:59] When will that animated YouTube page be updated again?

[59:02] Will that be any time soon?

[59:04] And can we make requests?

[59:06] Because I'd really like to see the That's How It Works song animated.

[59:09] Oh, we all would.

[59:10] That would be great.

[59:11] You mean my son's favorite Clock House song?

[59:13] Yeah, both my sons, too.

[59:15] Awesome.

[59:16] Our son Joey now.

[59:17] For a lot of that animated stuff, that's almost entirely done by this guy, Tony Oker, who's great.

[59:22] He's fantastic.

[59:23] But he also has to survive and do stuff.

[59:28] I mean, he does have a Patreon, which you can support.

[59:31] And obviously, I'm sure he'd listen to you if you went over to his Patreon.

[59:34] And he'll probably listen to this episode, so maybe it will inspire him.

[59:38] Yeah, but that's the answer.

[59:40] There's another guy who does that.

[59:42] And he's great.

[59:43] He's wonderful.

[59:44] But he's got his own stuff going on.

[59:46] Thank you.

[59:48] Good questions so far.

[59:51] We've got a high batting average.

[59:53] Hello.

[59:54] Hello, Matthew Greve, last name with L.

[59:57] And Star Wars is almost coming out again.

[59:59] What?

[1:00:00] Why didn't anyone tell me about this? I like Star Wars. What is, and what's Han

[1:00:07] going to do in this one? He's my favorite character. I can't wait to see what he's up to.

[1:00:11] I wanted to ask, what is your favorite Star Wars background character or a

[1:00:20] background character you would like to be? Oh, hard for me to choose favorite

[1:00:24] because I got two. Same answer for both, it's Gonk Droid.

[1:00:28] Gonk Droid, that's the one I want to be pretty sweet because you know he's just

[1:00:31] there. He's like just chillin. Just plugs some power stuff into him. But as for my

[1:00:36] favorite, I'll say it's tied between two classics, Ponda Beba and Moma Nadon. Oh

[1:00:42] yeah, sweetest Cantina members. I mean except for Ponda Beba who's pretty much

[1:00:47] a thug, but you know. I was going to say, by the way that's Salacious Crumb saying that.

[1:00:52] Salacious Crumb is a good pick. I mean I don't, that's the weird, that's the kind of thing

[1:00:56] where it's like, well one, he's not a background character. He's like a third

[1:00:59] lead. Yeah. He has lines. His lines are mainly like. Now that Disney's doing these

[1:01:05] standalone movies, how long is it before we get a Salacious Crumb film? Don't even

[1:01:09] mention it because I'm gonna go pitch that tomorrow. I want to write that movie

[1:01:13] and then be in it as Salacious Crumb. Yeah, that kind of stuff you know. Because I want to know.

[1:01:19] He's, according to the non-canon short stories, he is an animal who also has a

[1:01:24] job, which is amazing. Wait, what is his job? He's just the jester for Jabba. He's

[1:01:29] like a hype man. I've never seen him do anything. He's not jesting, he's just laughing.

[1:01:33] That's half of a jester's job. He's like Jabba's Chewbacca. Alright, sure. So Dan, who's your

[1:01:41] favorite background character? Well I was gonna say Gonk Droid too, but. Okay, so anyone who does not

[1:01:45] know this, Gonk Droid is a box with legs who just walks around saying

[1:01:49] Gonk. But since that was taken, I'm gonna say the torture robot in Jabba's Palace

[1:01:56] who's torturing Gonk Droid. You'll soon learn in some respect. Yeah. Couldn't get it out.

[1:02:01] I'm no torture droid. You know what? I'm gonna give a runner-up,

[1:02:05] since I have two that are tied for first place. Runner-up to, I think, Zuckus and

[1:02:11] Forelom, the two Bounty Hunters in Empire Strikes Back, where basically one's a

[1:02:15] robot version of the other one. And I like to think that Zuckus built Forelom as a friend.

[1:02:20] One of them's a robot, one of them isn't, and you'll never guess which.

[1:02:26] That's the BuzzFeed article about it? Yeah. Good question. Thank you.

[1:02:33] Thank you very much. Thanks for being here. Hi, Jason, last name withheld. Most movies

[1:02:41] released now are sequels or in franchises. Sometimes squeakles. It's true. What is the

[1:02:48] movie that you would like to see a sequel from that there's never been a sequel? So not a sequel

[1:02:54] to a movie that has had a sequel. No, the one that demands it. Okay, because then it would be G3

[1:02:59] Gremlins 3. I'm still waiting for a... Is that set at a G3 summit? It's the G3 summit and someone

[1:03:09] brings a Mogwai. Idiot. Trouble. I mean, I think the obvious answer to that one is either like a

[1:03:18] sequel to Big Trouble in Old China, or the long-awaited Buckaroo Banzai against the World

[1:03:24] Crime League. Oh yeah, which they announced and it didn't happen. Yeah. Head of the Family 2,

[1:03:31] that was what T's... Head of the Family is a movie from Full Moon Pictures. Look it up,

[1:03:37] dudes. But Head of the Family 2 I think was teased by a set of bookends that Full Moon put

[1:03:43] out where there's both the head of the family and then I guess his like the bride of the head of

[1:03:49] the family, which is the lady version. It looks pretty cool. There's also Super Mario Brothers,

[1:03:56] the movie ends on a cliffhanger and that story never came to a satisfying conclusion. Did it

[1:04:01] have a satisfying beginning or middle? Nope. I mean, nothing about it is satisfying. I don't

[1:04:07] know. Great answer. It's hard for me to think of, because like the best movies that I really love,

[1:04:15] they don't really cry out for sequels because the story is complete. I was just about to say,

[1:04:21] I don't need Chinatown 2, but that exists. It's called The Two Jakes. It's not that great.

[1:04:24] There are movies that are supposed to have sequels that didn't. Like Hellboy 2 ends with

[1:04:30] the promise of Hellboy 3 completing a story and that never got made because it was not a big

[1:04:37] success. So there's stuff like that. I guess they never made a restaurant at the end of the universe

[1:04:44] movie. The sequel to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and that would have been a nice thing. Yeah.

[1:04:49] Or I could just listen to the radio show or watch the TV series. Or read the book. So I don't know.

[1:04:57] You know what it is? There's so much great media out there to consume. Why am I asking for more?

[1:05:01] Amen. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for being here. That being said, G3 Gremlins.

[1:05:11] Hi. I'm John Devaney and I was just wondering what your guys' biggest stand-up comedy influences

[1:05:21] are on your own comedy and what your movie, because they're like two different separate

[1:05:26] types, I feel. What's your biggest movie comedy influence in your life?

[1:05:30] I mean for me, for both of them for me, it's probably Groucho Marx. Yeah. He's the best of

[1:05:40] all time. That's why they call him the GOAT, greatest of all time. Groucho of all time.

[1:05:45] The Marx Brothers are where I would go with movies. I don't, for stand-up, I mean I'm not

[1:05:53] a stand-up myself. I've done stand-up because I'm in comedy and so at some point.

[1:05:59] I've seen your act. It's pretty Larry the Cable Guy influence. Your character of Harry the plumbing

[1:06:06] guy. I mean there's no, but there's no person that I'm like, oh I'm trying to emulate them

[1:06:12] or like that's what I'm doing when I do stand-up. You know, I'm just doing my own generic stand-up

[1:06:19] that never quite found his voice. Like I would just be saying stand-ups that I like. Like for

[1:06:25] instance, I don't know, Steve Martin's stuff when he was doing stand-up. Big Louis CK fan,

[1:06:29] right Dan? He just likes his antics off the stage. Look, I was known as an innocent pervazoid and

[1:06:40] now you're trying to turn me into an evil pervazoid and I don't like it. That's the plot

[1:06:46] of the Flophouse movie. An evil pervazoid who looks like you, except that he has a beard and

[1:06:52] a tweed jacket. Oh no, he tries to take your place and we've got to answer an ancient prophecy of a

[1:06:59] house cat. Yeah, and we're like, which one of these two pervazoids do we shoot? JK. I hope that

[1:07:10] answers your question. Stuart, do you have any, who's your influence? Like Booger from the

[1:07:16] Friends and Nurse movies? I was like, yeah, I'm kind of like, like the, like an Apatow movie,

[1:07:22] like lovable loser. Except that you're a small business owner. You're not a loser. Well that's,

[1:07:28] I mean it's a difference between my stage persona and my real life. Oh, I see. When I get up on

[1:07:34] stage I have to put on the Stuart character. Normally I'm a very reserved person who likes

[1:07:38] to go to bed at an early hour. I don't know. Stop making a joke actually. But no, I mean I,

[1:07:47] having never done any stand-up other than using PowerPoints, which is the poor man's punchline.

[1:07:54] You need to own a computer, you can't be that poor. I mean computers aren't that

[1:08:01] expensive anymore Elliot. That's privilege speaking. That's true. But no, I would say

[1:08:11] my influence is on like, I think I've always strove to be the like fun, dumpy, like best

[1:08:18] friend character. You're like Stiles. I would love to be the Stiles of any relationship. I love how

[1:08:27] we're saying Stiles as if everyone immediately knows. I would love to be the Stiles from Teen

[1:08:32] Wolf the movie. Is that better? That's better. Yeah. I hope that helps.

[1:08:38] Hello. Hi Nick. So you've mentioned Godzilla a couple times on the podcast. I was wondering

[1:08:49] what your favorite Kaiju was that wasn't Godzilla. Oh, that's tough. Because everyone's gonna say

[1:08:56] King Ghidorah. That's a good one. Yeah. I'd say Mothra because I like the song. It is a beautiful

[1:09:04] song. A design I've always loved since I was a kid was Gigan, who has two hooks for hands and a beak

[1:09:10] and a kind of Cyclops laser eye and a buzz saw on his belly. Wait, two hooks for hands and a Cyclops

[1:09:15] eye? Yeah. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on a second. Why that's Dan McCoy. Yeah. But if I'm

[1:09:25] being honest with myself, I'm just like everybody else and I'll say King Ghidorah because he rocks.

[1:09:28] Mothra. It's just Mothra. Wow. Okay. I mean, it's a giant moth. What more do you want? You're right.

[1:09:37] You're right. Nothing's cooler than moths. Make them big. I didn't watch a lot of Kaiju movies.

[1:09:46] Was there ever a scene in one of those movies where they're like, turn off all the lights in

[1:09:49] the city? They're attracting Mothra. No, but that'd be pretty great. All right. Good question.

[1:10:00] Thank you. Ready for more kaiju questions, but others too.

[1:10:04] Justin, last name withheld. Hi Justin. My question for you guys is in the vein of

[1:10:09] Willem Dafoe in the Florida Project, who is an actor or actress traditionally cast in

[1:10:15] shady and or sinister roles that you'd like to see take on maybe a more heartwarming role?

[1:10:20] I would like to see Udo Kier play possibly like a mentor, like a teacher or something.

[1:10:32] Yeah, that's a good choice.

[1:10:36] Robert Zadar. The late Robert Zadar.

[1:10:43] I mean, I would like to see that because that'd mean he'd be alive.

[1:10:46] Yeah, I mean like David Warner's not, no, is David Warner still alive? I can't remember.

[1:10:51] He's not always a bad guy, but he often is sinister and I like him a lot.

[1:10:55] You know what, I just saw recently Lady Bird and Tracy Letts plays the dad in that and Tracy

[1:11:00] Letts is always playing an asshole in things and he was amazing. It's just like this warm-hearted

[1:11:05] dad in that movie. You see his plays and you're like, this man has no love in his heart.

[1:11:09] Yeah.

[1:11:09] Then you see him in the movie and you're like, oh yes, he does.

[1:11:11] Yeah, I mean, I guess I would go with that because I thought he was great.

[1:11:17] It happened already.

[1:11:18] Yeah.

[1:11:21] Like a genie came out and you're like, I wish I had a successful podcast.

[1:11:25] The genie's like, easiest day of work in my life, gotta go.

[1:11:29] There was a, in Force Awakens, it was really great to see Max von Sydow in the opening scene

[1:11:35] because as soon as I saw him, I guess I knew who the bad guy is, but he isn't, he's a good guy.

[1:11:40] The only bad thing with that scene was that we were all supposed to know who he was

[1:11:44] and I was like, is this a character I've heard of before? Or am I supposed to be like, oh,

[1:11:49] the actor Max von Sydow is in the movie? They went to go talk to Max von Sydow on this rebel planet?

[1:11:56] We gotta get out of here by 10, so let's take-

[1:11:59] Says who?

[1:11:59] Let's take two more questions and I'm sorry for everyone else on the line.

[1:12:03] We are going to be around if you want to catch us and ask your question, but I apologize-

[1:12:07] Or we could do a real lightning round.

[1:12:09] Lightning round, let's ask these questions real quick.

[1:12:12] One word answers for everybody.

[1:12:14] One word answers.

[1:12:15] Hi, Melissa, last name Othello.

[1:12:16] Hi, Melissa.

[1:12:17] So, based on your Ishtar episode, you were talking about how Ishtar would be better if

[1:12:21] it was more of a screwball comedy or more of an action flick, and I was wondering if

[1:12:25] you could remake a movie but you had to change the genre, what movie would you remake and what genre?

[1:12:32] That's a good question.

[1:12:33] I would totally change The Odd Life of Timothy Green and make it a horror movie.

[1:12:40] Good call, good call.

[1:12:42] This is why we can't do one word answers, because like-

[1:12:44] Just do a one phrase answer.

[1:12:45] I can't think that fast.

[1:12:48] I think you've been doing a podcast with me for 10 years, you should know that I can't

[1:12:51] think that fast.

[1:12:52] All right, well I'm going to do Stagecoach in space.

[1:12:58] Star Trek was basically Wagon Train in space, but-

[1:13:02] The Muppets as a kitchen sink drama.

[1:13:06] Okay, great.

[1:13:07] I mean, that kind of was the Muppets TV show in a way.

[1:13:10] Thank you.

[1:13:11] Okay, next question.

[1:13:11] Thanks very much.

[1:13:12] Sorry, we got to keep moving, because Taskmaster Dan is like, oh, the clock.

[1:13:16] I want to be good to our venue.

[1:13:18] I don't.

[1:13:20] Okay, so-

[1:13:21] They've been very good to us, we should be nice.

[1:13:23] So, my original question doesn't really work in this format, so I guess I'd just ask, like,

[1:13:28] what is the one bit of fiction or something you would like to see turned into like a movie

[1:13:33] or a TV show?

[1:13:34] I assume this question has been asked before.

[1:13:38] I've talked before of my love of the Deptford Trilogy.

[1:13:40] I think that would be a great, like, miniseries.

[1:13:45] And each trilogy of books, each book could be a season, a three-season thing, and out.

[1:13:51] And I've always wanted to see a movie of The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K.

[1:13:54] Chesterton, which is a book that is like half chase sequence.

[1:13:58] And the only reason I guess it hasn't been made into a movie is that the end becomes

[1:14:01] a metaphysical allegory about the nature of God.

[1:14:03] So, they just gotta fix that one.

[1:14:08] I'd like to see the comic book Kaiju Max adapted into, like, an animated prison drama,

[1:14:14] which is kind of what it already is, but I think it would just expose more people to

[1:14:18] what is a really great comic book.

[1:14:20] Excellent question.

[1:14:21] Thanks for giving us a substitute question.

[1:14:24] Hi, I'm Christine Fredrickson.

[1:14:26] So, we've all been eerily watching Stuart Wellington's Sex Describer and Elliot's

[1:14:33] Caitlin Starfucker.

[1:14:34] And I hear that this next season, we're going to need a crossover episode.

[1:14:38] I was wondering if you could tell us what that will look like.

[1:14:40] Well, as you know, for people who are not aware of our shows, what?

[1:14:44] Stuart Wellington's Sex Describer's job would be to describe this sexy thing we're

[1:14:48] talking about.

[1:14:48] And as you know, my show, Elliot Caitlin Starfucker, takes place in the golden age of

[1:14:51] Hollywood, where I bed my way through Hollywood's greatest ladies.

[1:14:56] So, I guess probably this will be that special Ethel Barrymore episode that everybody's

[1:15:01] been asking for.

[1:15:03] I feel like it would involve me happening upon some kind of old-timey, like, handwritten

[1:15:09] porn describing the...

[1:15:11] Oh, I see.

[1:15:11] I figured there's some kind of puzzle box that opens a dimensional portal.

[1:15:15] I've never heard of that thing ever happening.

[1:15:19] We really got to go, guys.

[1:15:22] I just don't want to mistreat the venue that's been so nice to us.

[1:15:27] I'm so sorry to everyone else online.

[1:15:30] Again, we will be around if you want to talk to us.

[1:15:33] If you can catch us, we'll probably be out in the lobby for just a little while.

[1:15:37] And then we're going to do a meet-up.

[1:15:39] I know that there's a San Francisco Flophouse Fans meet-up that was already arranged.

[1:15:44] It's at the Library Bar.

[1:15:47] We'll try and stop by.

[1:15:48] If that place is too crowded and has too many Santas in it, I understand there is a

[1:15:55] backup venue that is called Pacific Cocktail Haven.

[1:16:01] So, we'll be at one of those two places.

[1:16:04] Yeah.

[1:16:04] It's like a regular Flophouse scavenger hunt.

[1:16:08] But thank you so much for coming out.

[1:16:10] Thank you, San Francisco.

[1:16:13] Thank you to everybody at the Marine Memorial Theater.

[1:16:16] This has been so great.

[1:16:19] We've had a great time.

[1:16:20] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:16:23] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:16:26] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:16:28] Thank you very much, everybody.

[1:16:29] Good night, everyone.

[1:16:46] And maybe you'll go away and never come

[1:16:51] And a taste of blood is worse than good at all

[1:16:55] Oh, but in that case, I don't want to talk

[1:17:00] I do believe that that would only break my heart

[1:17:05] Oh, but if you feel like loving me

[1:17:09] Then you've got the notion

[1:17:12] I second that emotion

[1:17:15] Said, if you feel like giving me

[1:17:18] A lifetime of devotion

[1:17:28] Maybe you think that love would tie you down

[1:17:33] And you don't have the time to hang around

[1:17:38] Or maybe you think that love was made for fools

[1:17:45] Oh, but in that case, I don't want to talk

[1:17:48] I do believe that that would only break my heart

[1:17:52] Oh, but if you feel like giving me

[1:18:00] Said, if you feel like giving me

[1:18:07] And you don't have the time to hang around

[1:18:11] Or maybe you think that love would tie you down

[1:18:15] I'm glad that he mentioned where we are, it shows he's paying attention

[1:18:18] And it means I feel like I have kind of a connection with him

[1:18:21] Because I'm, as mentioned to myself, from Cincinnati

[1:18:24] And I like Cincinnati

[1:18:26] Oh, I just forgot to do my normal, uh, local pandering

[1:18:29] Even though I had, today, a burrito as big as the Coit Tower

[1:18:35] Classic Dan

[1:18:36] All right

[1:18:38] Maximumfun.org

[1:18:40] Comedy and culture

[1:18:41] Artist owned

[1:18:42] Listener supported

Ep. #264 - The Emoji Movie LIVE

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