Ep. #266 - Slamma Jamma

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Slamma Jamma.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] The movie that asks the question,

[0:06] is it possible to fake the funk on a nasty dunk?

[0:10] And if so, would you?

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:40] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Oh, hey there.

[0:42] It's me, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] And in California, it's father of two, Elliot Kalin.

[0:48] How are you guys doing?

Stuart Wellington

[0:48] Two shades of blue.

[0:50] It's been a while since we all recorded together

Dan McCoy

[0:54] because of Elliot's second baby and my move.

[0:58] Your second apartment?

[0:59] My second apartment, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01] Dan, paint it.

[1:02] Why did you have to move, Dan?

[1:04] Did you do something in your old apartment

[1:06] that made them kick you out?

Dan McCoy

[1:08] Well, the non-funny answer is they raised my rent

[1:10] by $1,000 a month.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13] Oh, I mean, it was kind of funny to see you get that email

[1:17] right before we went on a cruise.

[1:19] Yeah, it's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:20] Stuart and I went on an Alaska cruise,

[1:22] and I got the most stressful thing

[1:23] that could possibly come through my email right beforehand.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27] But at least you got to go up to see

[1:28] the glaciers that will never go away.

[1:30] That would never stress you out, right?

[1:31] Yeah.

[1:32] Just looking at it, thinking about how the world is dying.

[1:34] Uh-huh.

[1:35] Yeah.

[1:35] And if anything, that would make your pitiful little

[1:38] apartment problem really sit in perspective, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Yeah.

[1:42] I mean, in the global scale, I am but an aunt,

[1:45] which makes me feel much better.

[1:47] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] Oh, even on the national scale, let alone the global scale.

[1:50] Yeah.

[1:50] Anyway, so that's not true.

[1:52] You're a citizen, and you have the rights inherent thereof.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54] So, Dan, we're sitting in your new apartment.

[1:56] Yeah.

[1:56] Can you describe it for the listeners?

[1:58] That's one of the things,

[2:00] because we're an apartment review podcast, right?

[2:03] Well, it's filled with trap doors all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[2:08] Okay, cool.

[2:09] Oh, so wait, do you shoot Alf in your apartment?

[2:11] Is that what you're saying?

Stuart Wellington

[2:13] Oh, yeah.

[2:13] Yeah, why do you shoot Alf here, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] Is it because of what he said?

[2:18] You put all those trap doors in so that the Alf puppeteer

[2:21] can be on the same level as the people with the puppet?

Dan McCoy

[2:24] Yeah, that's right.

[2:25] I'm working on my Alf reboot,

[2:27] and this one, the humans are the aliens.

[2:31] Uh, what?

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] Okay, interesting.

[2:35] That's the thing that I always think about now,

[2:38] which I wish I had known when I was a kid about Alf,

[2:40] which is that the set floor was full of trap doors

[2:42] for the puppeteer to stand through.

[2:44] So it was like everyone had to deliver their lines

[2:47] while also making sure they didn't trip into a trap door

[2:49] and kill themselves.

[2:51] So Alf is really a much more exciting show

[2:53] if you think of it that way.

[2:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:56] Uh, I don't know.

[2:57] What do you want to know about the apartment?

[2:58] I think that Stuart's trying to lead me into the fact

[3:00] that there's a second bedroom in the apartment now.

Stuart Wellington

[3:02] Yeah, so we're recording this episode,

[3:04] and we are crammed into a tiny little corner

[3:06] in the living room.

[3:07] Uh, yes, I guess we can tell everybody

[3:11] Dan has multiple rooms in his apartment.

[3:13] I'm living high on the hog.

[3:16] Uh, and, and there is an entirely unused bedroom

[3:21] that we could easily be recording in

[3:23] that probably has even, uh, less ambient noise

[3:27] because it's not as close to the street.

[3:29] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] I mean, other people have actually pointed this out to me too.

Stuart Wellington

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:32] The fact that like, and because we're on the ground floor,

[3:35] uh, if anyone was planning on breaking in

[3:37] and kidnapping Dan, uh, any BFGs out there

[3:40] or Archie, that would be catnapping.

[3:43] Um, if they look in through the-

[3:45] Wait, wait, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[3:45] But it wouldn't be kidnapping Dan.

[3:47] Dan's not a kid.

[3:48] I guess he's young at heart.

[3:49] I'm young mentally.

[3:51] I mean, if you're-

[3:51] That's for sure.

Stuart Wellington

[3:52] If you were to look at his like book collection,

[3:55] you would assume that he's a kid.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] That's true.

[3:57] You'd be like, no adult would have this many duck comics.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] I, I, I'm currently using my second bedroom

[4:05] as a, uh, library mostly

[4:07] because there's no other place

[4:09] for my book collection to go.

Stuart Wellington

[4:11] Is that until they deliver the sex swing?

Dan McCoy

[4:13] Yes.

[4:14] Yeah.

[4:14] And it's much more convenient

[4:15] because I have, on the rare occasions

[4:17] that I have a lady over to the house,

[4:19] I do, I do, uh, worry that they'll,

[4:22] she'll look at all the duck comics,

[4:23] go, nope, and just turn around

[4:25] and put a coat back on and go home.

[4:27] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[4:28] Uh, and, and for many other reasons

[4:31] not listed under duck comics,

[4:33] she'd be making the right choice.

[4:38] A little harsh thing to say.

[4:40] Just kidding, just kidding.

[4:42] Uh, just, just kidding, just kidding.

[4:44] It's cool.

[4:45] Oh, okay.

[4:45] It's cool because he said just kidding, guys.

[4:47] It's cool.

Elliott Kalan

[4:48] It's right.

[4:48] He said JK, so you can say,

[4:50] Dan, you're a, you're a sad sack

[4:52] and you're a poor excuse for a human.

[4:54] JK, JK, JK.

[4:55] It's okay.

[4:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:57] Uh, but what I'm trying,

[4:58] what I was, what I was leading to

[5:00] is the fact that anybody,

[5:01] anybody off the street

[5:02] could walk by Dan's apartment,

[5:04] look in through the windows

[5:05] and see a couple of idiots sitting here

[5:08] being Alex Incorporated's

[5:09] or whatever we are.

[5:11] Is that reference even valid anymore?

[5:13] Did that show get canceled?

Dan McCoy

[5:14] Yeah, I think it got pre-canceled.

[5:17] I mean, no, it aired a few episodes.

Stuart Wellington

[5:19] I'm looking at Hollywood Kalen over there

[5:21] and he's shocked.

[5:22] He is dumbfounded.

[5:23] He's like,

[5:24] what's Zach Braff gonna do with himself?

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] I was, I didn't want to,

[5:28] look, I didn't,

[5:29] I live in Hollywood now

[5:29] so I cannot bad mouth Zach Braff.

[5:31] Let's just leave it at that.

[5:32] He's the most powerful man in the city.

[5:34] He's so powerful that,

[5:36] I mean,

[5:36] even he could almost get that show

[5:38] on the air.

[5:40] So.

Dan McCoy

[5:41] Yeah.

[5:42] Should we move on to the movie?

[5:44] Yeah, what do we do on this podcast?

[5:45] Oh, this is a podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] So this is,

[5:47] so it's called The Flop House

[5:48] because we review houses.

[5:50] We just reviewed Dan's apartment

[5:51] and now it's on to reviewing

[5:53] the White House.

[5:54] It has what,

[5:55] a hundred rooms?

[5:56] It's all blinding white.

[5:57] Looks pretty fancy.

[5:58] Dan, what do you think?

Dan McCoy

[6:00] That was surprisingly vague

[6:02] coming from you, Elliot.

[6:04] Like I was expecting

[6:04] genuine White House facts, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[6:07] Well, the White House

[6:08] was built at some point

[6:09] in the past

[6:10] and many famous people

[6:12] have lived there

[6:12] and also

[6:13] some died there,

[6:15] some did not.

[6:16] Okay.

[6:16] Food is served there

[6:17] so there is a full kitchen.

[6:18] I'm beginning to see why.

[6:19] I believe there's at least

[6:20] three bathrooms

[6:21] and it's good for entertaining.

[6:23] There's a large lawn.

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] Don't they also brew beer there?

[6:29] I don't know if they do now,

[6:30] but they-

[6:31] They might brew it off-site,

[6:32] but I know that

[6:32] at least Obama

[6:33] had a couple beers

[6:36] that were brewed for him.

Elliott Kalan

[6:38] So anyway,

[6:38] the White House,

[6:39] it's available for rent now.

[6:41] I think it's $4,500 a month,

[6:43] which is a good price

[6:44] for a place that size

[6:44] in that location.

[6:45] And how many rooms

Stuart Wellington

[6:46] did you say were in that house?

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] At least three bedrooms

[6:50] and at least two bathrooms.

Stuart Wellington

[6:52] So at least one of those rooms

[6:53] would have a tiny little corner

[6:54] for us to podcast from.

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:57] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[6:59] So Dan,

[6:59] what do we do for real

[7:00] on this podcast?

[7:01] Let's cut the shenanigans.

Dan McCoy

[7:02] This is a podcast

[7:03] where we watch a bad movie

[7:05] and then we talk about it.

[7:06] And right now,

[7:08] it's the month of September,

[7:09] which means that it's

[7:10] small timber.

[7:11] It's a basket,

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] it's Basket Buddies

[7:13] where we review,

[7:15] we review movies

[7:16] and how they match up to,

[7:18] we try and sync them up

[7:19] to the movie Basket Case.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Yeah, yeah.

[7:22] No, it's,

[7:22] it's September Madness.

[7:24] That's when we review

[7:25] March Madness

[7:26] similar basketball movies.

[7:29] And I think that's what

[7:29] we do from now on, Dan,

[7:30] is September is now

[7:31] basketball month,

[7:32] September Madness.

[7:33] Who's with me?

Stuart Wellington

[7:35] I don't know

[7:36] because small member

[7:36] is actually probably

[7:37] my favorite month

[7:38] after Cagemas

[7:39] or maybe before Cagemas.

[7:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] Shocktober is not

[7:42] your favorite month?

[7:43] You know,

Stuart Wellington

[7:44] it's weird,

[7:45] but watching a bad horror movie

[7:46] doesn't make me as happy

[7:47] as it used to, Elliot.

[7:48] Oh, you're growing up, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[7:50] I know.

[7:51] Now you just like

[7:51] watching bad indie films.

[7:53] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[7:55] Now, the beauty

[7:56] of small timber is

[7:58] Smallvember.

[7:59] Usually we have to

[8:01] confine ourselves

[8:02] to whatever dreck

[8:03] the studios are pushing out.

[8:05] And now we get to watch

[8:06] much more personal dreck

[8:08] that is put out by

[8:10] the vision of

[8:11] a few small,

[8:14] passionate people.

[8:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[8:17] And it often...

[8:18] We don't know

[8:18] that the people are small.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] Although this movie

[8:21] does have a pretty

[8:22] short guy in it.

[8:23] Small people in it.

[8:25] But yeah,

[8:25] so Smallvember is...

[8:26] I guess you'd call it

[8:27] it's our, what,

[8:28] artisanal farm-to-table

[8:30] kind of bespoke

[8:31] Etsy month?

Stuart Wellington

[8:32] Yeah, yeah.

[8:33] It's like, what,

[8:34] Miramax in the 90s.

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] Except for some of the stuff

[8:38] that was going on

[8:39] at Miramax in the 90s, too.

[8:40] I think not the best

[8:42] parallel comparison.

[8:43] Right, Dan?

[8:44] Yeah, I mean,

[8:45] I don't think he was

[8:46] bringing that up,

[8:47] but sure.

Stuart Wellington

[8:48] Yeah, Dan,

[8:48] I was talking about

[8:49] the film content.

[8:50] I wasn't talking about

[8:51] the behind-the-scenes stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[8:53] Okay, I hope not.

[8:54] Anyway, so here's...

[8:55] I don't even want

[8:56] to make that joke.

[8:58] So did we say

[8:58] what we do on this podcast

[8:59] or we just launched

[9:00] into Smallvember?

Dan McCoy

[9:01] Yeah, no,

[9:01] we said that we watch

[9:02] a bad movie

[9:02] and then we talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[9:03] Okay, so Dan,

[9:05] you already mentioned

[9:05] previously on the Flophouse

[9:07] what movie we watched.

[9:09] So tell us again,

[9:10] what's the title

[9:10] because I love hearing

[9:11] you say it?

[9:12] It's called

[9:13] Slamma-Jamma.

[9:14] Now, this is not

[9:15] the Slammin' Salmon,

[9:16] right?

[9:16] That's a different movie?

Dan McCoy

[9:17] No, that is a

[9:18] broken lizard joint.

[9:21] Okay, who broke

[9:22] that lizard?

[9:22] What happened to him?

[9:24] Life broke him.

Elliott Kalan

[9:26] Oh, that's so sad.

[9:27] Oh, that's too bad.

[9:29] So let's talk about this movie,

[9:31] huh?

[9:32] This is, as Wikipedia describes it,

[9:33] a faith-based

[9:34] themed sports drama film.

Stuart Wellington

[9:37] That's actually

[9:38] pretty succinct.

Elliott Kalan

[9:40] Yeah, with a criminal

[9:40] justice reform subplot.

[9:42] Uh-huh.

[9:44] Let's just talk about it.

[9:45] This is a movie that stars

[9:46] a professional basketball player.

[9:47] He's a former

[9:48] Harlem Globetrotter.

Stuart Wellington

[9:48] Wait a minute.

[9:49] Are you telling me

[9:50] that he is not

[9:52] a highly trained

[9:54] Broadway actor?

Elliott Kalan

[9:56] He is not at that.

[9:57] He is, as the movie

[9:58] makes clear,

[9:59] a very talented

[10:00] basketball player

[10:00] who is not a particularly

[10:02] talented actor,

[10:03] sorry to say.

[10:03] And it features a cameo

[10:05] later on in the film

[10:07] by an athlete

[10:07] who is particularly

[10:09] like, uh,

[10:11] not appropriate

[10:12] to the subject matter

[10:14] of the movie.

[10:15] It's the basketball movie

[10:16] that will have you asking,

[10:18] why is there a cameo

[10:19] from a baseball player

[10:20] in this basketball movie?

[10:21] And why is he judging

[10:23] a dunk competition?

[10:24] Uh, and I will say

[10:25] right off the bat.

[10:26] Yeah, he doesn't have

Stuart Wellington

[10:27] the credentials

[10:28] to be dunk judging.

Elliott Kalan

[10:30] Probably the most interesting

[10:31] thing about this movie

[10:32] is that it was shot

[10:33] by the same cinematographer

[10:34] who shot Who Framed

[10:35] Roger Rabbit

[10:36] and Big Trouble

[10:37] in Little China

[10:38] and a number

[10:39] of other movies.

[10:41] Back to the Future

[10:41] Parts 2 and 3.

[10:44] That explains why they,

Stuart Wellington

[10:45] uh, why they shot

[10:46] a lot of it

[10:46] in Toontown.

Elliott Kalan

[10:51] But, uh,

[10:52] it's, uh,

[10:52] anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[10:53] That joke's,

[10:54] that joke's funny.

[10:55] I'm just gonna explain

[10:56] it to everybody.

[10:56] That joke's funny

[10:57] because it would be

[10:57] ridiculous to have a movie

[10:59] that features both

[11:00] basketball and cartoon

[11:01] characters.

[11:02] That would be,

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] that would be crazy.

[11:05] Who would dream

[11:05] of such a thing?

[11:07] That kind of a jam.

[11:09] Mm-hmm.

[11:09] Anyway, uh, Dan,

[11:10] what kind of jam

[11:11] do you think that would be?

[11:12] Uh, apricot?

[11:14] Okay, I was looking

[11:15] for space,

[11:15] but that's okay.

[11:16] Okay.

[11:17] Uh, let's get into it.

[11:19] Right off the bat,

[11:20] uh, we get some

[11:21] amazingly bad

[11:22] green screen action.

[11:23] As we see a college

[11:25] basketball star,

[11:25] Michael,

[11:26] he plays for USC.

[11:27] He is dominating

[11:28] a game full of dunks.

[11:29] He's a master dunker.

[11:31] His name's Michael Diggs,

[11:32] and the sportscasters

[11:34] cannot get enough of him.

[11:35] Yeah.

[11:35] And, uh,

[11:36] and it is,

Stuart Wellington

[11:37] this is shot in all

[11:38] black and white,

[11:38] right?

[11:39] It's like,

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] it's sepia tone

[11:41] for something that

[11:42] should,

[11:42] that takes place

[11:43] six years ago.

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:44] So it's like,

[11:45] oh,

[11:45] we got to make it clear

[11:46] that this is the past

[11:47] of 2012,

[11:48] uh,

[11:49] when everything

[11:49] was sepia tones.

Stuart Wellington

[11:50] And Michael Diggs,

[11:51] you also know it's,

[11:53] uh,

[11:53] it takes place in the past

[11:54] because Michael Diggs

[11:55] has,

[11:55] uh,

[11:56] the most beautiful

[11:57] head of curly hair,

[11:59] the most realistic

[12:00] looking head of curly

[12:01] hair I've ever seen.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] I feel like we all

[12:03] owe an apology

[12:04] to the movie Samson

[12:05] when we criticized

[12:06] their wigs,

[12:07] when we didn't realize

[12:08] that this movie

[12:09] would basically take

[12:09] the wind sock

[12:10] off of a boom mic,

[12:12] fill it full of helium,

[12:14] stick it on the actor's

[12:15] head,

[12:15] and you're like,

[12:16] there,

[12:16] that's your wig

[12:16] for the day.

[12:17] It's like,

[12:18] it is the craziest

[12:19] way to DA

[12:20] age somebody

[12:21] is to put

[12:21] the fakest

[12:22] possible wig on them.

[12:23] It's,

[12:24] anyway,

[12:24] Dan,

[12:25] how would you

[12:26] describe this wig?

Dan McCoy

[12:27] Uh,

[12:29] it's,

[12:29] you know,

[12:30] it's a bunch

[12:31] of Brilla pads

[12:32] strung together,

[12:33] maybe,

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] around the head.

[12:35] Mm-hmm.

[12:35] It's a very

[12:36] fake looking wig.

[12:37] But Michael,

[12:38] he,

[12:38] he just loves

[12:39] wearing this,

[12:40] his hair

[12:40] in this fake wig fashion.

[12:42] He's dominating

[12:42] the game,

[12:43] but then,

[12:43] cut to the present,

[12:44] a series of

[12:45] very fast news reports.

[12:47] Like,

[12:47] it's like somebody else

[12:48] is flipping through

[12:49] the channels

[12:50] hey,

[12:50] hold on,

[12:51] hold on.

[12:51] Can I see what's

[12:52] going on in any of

[12:53] these shows?

[12:53] Uh,

[12:54] quick news reports

[12:54] say that he is

[12:55] on trial for armed

[12:56] robbery,

[12:56] he's convicted of

[12:57] armed robbery,

[12:58] and he's been

[12:59] sentenced to six

[12:59] years in prison

[13:00] for armed robbery.

[13:01] What happened to

[13:02] Michael Diggs?

[13:03] He was a dunk master.

[13:04] How did he become

[13:05] a crime master?

[13:06] Well,

[13:07] Slamma Jamma

[13:07] has the answers

[13:08] if you'll be

[13:08] patient enough

[13:09] to wait for them.

[13:11] Uh,

[13:12] you'll find out

[13:12] how the Jamma

[13:13] goes to the Slamma.

[13:16] Oh,

[13:17] that's why it's

Stuart Wellington

[13:18] Slamma.

[13:19] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[13:20] it's not really.

[13:21] It's a slam dunk.

[13:22] But anyway,

[13:23] uh,

[13:24] I'm surprised it wasn't

[13:26] like from the slam dunks

[13:28] to the slammer

[13:29] as the tagline.

[13:30] But as far as I know,

[13:31] this movie had no tagline

[13:32] because why would you need it?

[13:33] It sells itself.

Dan McCoy

[13:34] The tagline was like,

[13:37] this is also in theaters.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] Uh,

[13:42] so,

[13:43] so the tagline was

[13:44] featuring Jose Canseco

[13:46] in a bizarre cameo appearance.

[13:48] But,

[13:48] uh,

[13:48] so it's six years later

[13:50] as the screen

[13:51] helpfully tells us

[13:51] six years later

[13:52] and Michael is leaving prison.

[13:53] And at this point,

[13:54] the movie had already

[13:55] given me whiplash

[13:56] and I think we were

[13:56] five minutes into it.

[13:57] Yep.

[13:58] Uh,

[13:58] Michael didn't tell anyone

[13:59] in his family

[13:59] he was getting out that day.

[14:01] He hasn't thought

[14:02] about his future.

[14:02] The warden offers him

[14:04] a drive home

Stuart Wellington

[14:04] but he turns it down.

[14:07] Yeah,

[14:07] I love that it's the warden

[14:08] that's leading him out.

[14:09] The warden is the most

[14:10] personally involved warden

Dan McCoy

[14:11] you've ever seen

[14:12] in a prison film

[14:14] who's not just like

[14:15] involved because

[14:16] he's torturing a character.

[14:18] Yeah,

[14:18] yeah.

[14:18] Like,

[14:19] when his girlfriend

[14:20] comes to visit him

[14:22] later on,

[14:22] it's the warden

[14:23] who personally goes out

[14:24] and says,

[14:24] I'm sorry,

[14:25] he doesn't want to see you.

[14:26] And you're like,

[14:26] don't you have like

[14:27] paperwork to do

[14:28] or something?

Elliott Kalan

[14:29] I think this is one

[14:30] of those privately owned prisons

[14:31] and he's the one guy.

Dan McCoy

[14:33] Someone's calling from

[14:33] the governor's office

[14:34] right now to pardon someone

[14:35] and they're like,

[14:36] well,

[14:36] we can't get through.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] Yeah,

[14:38] the warden's busy

[14:39] talking to this one

[14:39] inmate's fiance.

[14:41] Yeah,

[14:41] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[14:42] all my knowledge

[14:44] about the prison system

[14:45] is based on the movie

[14:46] Ricky O,

[14:47] Story of Ricky.

[14:47] So I'm assuming

[14:48] the warden

[14:49] should be spending

[14:49] all his time

[14:50] becoming the very best

[14:51] at Kung Fu.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] Probably,

[14:53] yeah.

[14:54] I do like the idea,

[14:55] Dan,

[14:55] that if Michael

[14:55] had taken him up

[14:56] on that drive

[14:58] we're about to execute

[14:59] this prisoner.

[15:00] We have five minutes

[15:00] but the governor

[15:01] wants to pardon him.

[15:02] That call's

[15:03] going to get through

[15:03] and they're calling

[15:04] the warden's cell phone

[15:05] and he looks at the phone

[15:06] and he's like,

[15:07] I'm driving.

[15:07] If it's important,

[15:08] they'll leave a message.

[15:10] So Michael,

[15:10] what are you going

[15:11] to do with yourself?

[15:11] I don't know.

[15:12] I haven't figured it out.

[15:13] Also,

[15:13] usually part of your release

[15:15] from prison

[15:15] is them helping you

[15:17] plan something

[15:18] so that you can,

[15:20] or at least you telling them

[15:21] you have some kind of plan

[15:22] and a place to stay

[15:23] so that you don't fall back

[15:25] into a life of crime

[15:25] but this is a pretty

[15:26] laid back prison.

[15:27] They don't have to worry

[15:27] about that stuff.

[15:28] This is like the cool warden

[15:29] who turns the chair around

[15:30] before he sits down

[15:31] to talk to you.

Stuart Wellington

[15:32] Do you think that warden

[15:34] walks everybody to the gate

[15:35] because he's like,

[15:36] every time he's hoping

[15:37] that that person's just

[15:38] going to go on

[15:39] like a revenge mission?

Elliott Kalan

[15:41] Oh,

[15:42] I assumed he thought

[15:42] the warden is like,

[15:43] maybe this is the prisoner

[15:44] who decides he likes it

[15:45] more in here

[15:46] than outside

[15:46] and that he likes

[15:48] me for me

[15:48] and he's gonna,

[15:49] every time he leads

[15:50] a prisoner out

[15:51] he's hoping,

[15:51] it's a,

[15:51] if you love something

[15:52] set it free

[15:53] type of scenario

[15:54] and he's hoping

[15:55] they come back.

Stuart Wellington

[15:56] That's a really fun way

[15:57] to put recidivism

[15:59] into perspective.

Elliott Kalan

[16:00] It just means

[16:01] they love the ward.

[16:03] So Michael takes

[16:04] a bus home,

[16:05] he discovers that

[16:06] the bus fare

[16:06] has gone up

[16:07] quite a bit,

[16:08] I think it costs

[16:08] $3.75 to ride the bus

[16:10] which is crazy

[16:10] and the driver is like,

[16:12] hey, aren't you

[16:12] Michael Diggs?

[16:13] And he's like,

[16:13] yeah, yeah, I am.

[16:15] He walks by a local

[16:16] laundromat

[16:16] and sees his mom

[16:17] but doesn't say hi.

[16:18] But then he goes

[16:19] straight home

[16:19] where his mom

[16:20] is cleaning the sink

[16:21] because his mom

[16:21] apparently can teleport.

[16:23] Yeah, the best part

Stuart Wellington

[16:23] is when he walks

[16:24] up to that laundromat

[16:25] he like walks up

[16:26] and like waves

[16:27] and she doesn't see him

[16:28] and he looks sad

[16:29] and I'm like,

[16:30] she just didn't see you.

[16:31] She's not ignoring you, dude.

[16:32] I think her back

Dan McCoy

[16:33] was too long.

Elliott Kalan

[16:34] Yes, it was.

[16:35] He waved to her back

[16:37] huh, I guess mom

[16:38] has rejected me.

[16:39] He's like,

[16:39] did you forget

[16:40] how humans work

[16:42] while you're in prison?

[16:43] I don't understand.

[16:44] But he goes to home

[16:45] and he says

[16:46] he's a changed man

[16:47] and she says

[16:48] his brother,

[16:48] his younger brother Tay,

[16:50] is not doing well

[16:51] which she says twice

[16:52] very meaningfully.

[16:53] Tay is the only character

Stuart Wellington

[16:54] that we know by name

[16:56] for a while, right?

[16:57] Well, we know Michael's name.

Dan McCoy

[16:59] Well, like,

[17:00] I still have no idea

[17:01] what the name

[17:01] of his two goofy friends are

[17:03] because I don't feel like

Elliott Kalan

[17:03] Oh, I don't either.

[17:04] He has these two friends

[17:05] we meet later.

[17:06] One of them is dumb

[17:07] and one is not

[17:08] and I do not know

[17:08] what their names are.

[17:10] But we,

[17:11] the names don't come easy

[17:13] in this movie.

[17:14] But like,

[17:15] I'm looking at the cast list

[17:18] right now on Wikipedia

[17:20] and I thought his fiancee's name

[17:22] was Lisa, right?

[17:23] Uh-huh.

[17:24] I don't remember.

[17:25] But that name is not listed

[17:26] in the cast as a character

[17:27] so maybe I misunderstood it.

[17:30] Anyway,

[17:31] she says,

[17:31] your brother's not doing well.

[17:33] What does that mean?

[17:33] Is he,

[17:34] is he sick?

[17:35] No, it turns out

[17:36] he's falling into a life of crime.

[17:37] But Michael,

[17:38] first he has to go,

[17:39] he goes looking for his brother

[17:40] and he gets a job.

[17:42] He gets hired at

[17:42] what is called a grocery store

[17:44] but seems to be a hardware store.

[17:46] It's a confused store.

Stuart Wellington

[17:47] It's a hardware store

[17:48] with a walk-in.

Elliott Kalan

[17:51] Well,

[17:52] they gotta keep

[17:52] the claw hammers cold.

[17:54] Yeah.

[17:54] And it's like,

[17:55] he lives in Los Angeles, right?

[17:57] Uh-huh.

[17:57] So the idea,

[17:58] maybe,

[17:58] I thought maybe this is like

[17:59] a frontier dry goods general store

[18:01] that just has everything.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:03] Like,

[18:03] I need a shovel

[18:04] and a life jacket

[18:05] and also a box of cereal.

[18:07] Well,

[18:07] this is the one store in town

[18:08] so we have all those things.

[18:10] Yeah.

[18:10] But,

[18:11] but no,

[18:11] it's just,

[18:12] it's just one of those.

[18:12] And the manager of the store

[18:14] is so busy.

[18:15] He's like,

[18:16] ugh,

[18:16] there's a mess in the aisle.

[18:17] You know what?

[18:17] I don't have time

[18:17] to look over your paperwork.

[18:18] You're hired

[18:19] even though he doesn't have experience,

[18:21] he says.

[18:21] The guy goes,

[18:22] so how much,

[18:22] do you have much experience?

[18:23] Experience what?

[18:24] At a grocery store?

[18:25] Come on,

[18:25] man.

[18:26] Forget about it.

[18:27] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[18:28] That was,

[18:29] we just got a glimpse

[18:30] of Elliot's interview

[18:31] when he interviewed

[18:32] at a Wegmans.

Elliott Kalan

[18:35] I interviewed at a Piggly Wiggly

[18:37] do you have much experience?

[18:38] I was like,

[18:38] doing what?

[18:39] Come on.

[18:40] Anyway,

[18:41] I didn't get the job.

[18:41] He's like,

Stuart Wellington

[18:41] I could read you

[18:43] the entirety of A and P

[18:45] but,

[18:45] from memory,

[18:46] but,

[18:48] does that count?

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] So,

[18:50] is that a real thing?

[18:52] Tay walks in

[18:53] while Michael is working

[18:54] and Michael's like,

[18:55] hey,

[18:55] Tay,

[18:56] it's me,

[18:56] your brother.

[18:57] I just got out of jail.

[18:58] I work at the grocery

[18:59] hardware store now.

[19:00] Tay is like,

[19:01] yeah,

[19:01] cool,

[19:02] whatever,

[19:02] and walks out.

[19:03] Not a great brother.

[19:04] I mean,

[19:04] he was probably

Stuart Wellington

[19:05] just super dejected

[19:07] that his brother

[19:07] cut off that super cool hair.

[19:11] Maybe he saw his brother's head

[19:14] I share the same genes as him.

[19:17] Not literally,

[19:18] I'm not talking about his blue jeans.

[19:20] I'm talking about his genetic code.

[19:21] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] he probably has hand-me-down blue jeans

[19:23] from his older brother.

[19:24] I mean,

[19:24] that's what happens

[19:24] to younger brothers.

Stuart Wellington

[19:25] But that's unrelated

[19:26] to why he'd be concerned.

[19:27] He's concerned that

[19:28] when he sees his brother,

[19:29] he's like,

[19:30] is my hair all going to fall out

[19:32] and not be this super cool,

[19:34] curly hair?

[19:34] Ow.

[19:35] But Tay has pretty short hair.

[19:38] I don't know if I remember

[19:40] which character is Tay now.

Elliott Kalan

[19:43] So Tay,

[19:44] maybe Tay is like,

[19:45] prison's changed you.

[19:46] You don't have the same hair anymore.

[19:47] Forget it.

[19:49] Anyway,

[19:49] Michael,

[19:50] okay,

[19:50] here's where the plot kicks in,

[19:52] kind of.

[19:53] Michael,

[19:54] while he's wandering around

[19:55] in his sad stupor,

[19:57] he joins a pickup basketball game

[19:59] and he's a little rusty,

[20:00] but then he does a big dunk.

[20:02] Boom!

[20:02] He's back.

[20:03] Everyone's like,

[20:04] whoa,

[20:04] you can really dunk.

[20:05] And this is where he picks up

[20:05] his two friends.

[20:06] Let's just call them

[20:07] white guy can jump

[20:08] because he's a white guy

[20:09] who can play basketball.

[20:10] And dumb guy

[20:11] because the other friend

[20:12] is kind of stupid

[20:13] but very well-meaning.

[20:15] Like,

[20:15] he's kind of a puppy dog

[20:16] of a man.

[20:17] And then,

[20:18] they're like,

[20:19] who are you, man?

[20:19] And this guy named Terrell

[20:20] walks out and says,

[20:21] that's Michael Diggs.

[20:23] He could have been

[20:23] a professional,

[20:24] but then he went to jail.

[20:26] And it turns out

[20:26] Terrell is a sports agent

[20:27] who has a shady past

[20:29] with Michael.

[20:30] And Terrell is played

[20:31] by a real-life athlete.

[20:33] Is he a famous

[20:34] basketball player?

[20:34] No.

[20:35] Famous football player

[20:36] because there's only room

[20:38] for one real basketball player

[20:39] in the movie, I guess.

[20:40] Stuart, you were going to say?

Stuart Wellington

[20:41] Was this the basketball match

[20:43] where there's a full crowd watching

[20:45] but only two people

[20:46] were making any noise

[20:48] and they were narrating

[20:49] the whole match

[20:50] to each other?

Elliott Kalan

[20:50] I believe so.

[20:52] I believe that's exactly,

[20:53] I think that's what it is.

[20:54] Or I don't think that's later

[20:56] when we have the basketball game

[20:58] where everyone can join

[20:59] and is instantly

[21:00] an amazing basketball player.

[21:01] I love that.

[21:02] So, Michael's depressed.

[21:03] We know this

[21:04] because he's lying in bed

[21:04] tossing a basketball

[21:05] into the air.

[21:06] We know he's depressed

[21:07] the way he handles a basketball.

[21:09] Later on,

[21:09] when he's really depressed,

[21:10] he's sitting on bleachers

[21:11] and he just drops a basketball

[21:12] and it rolls away.

[21:14] I assume,

[21:15] and there's a close-up

[21:15] of the basketball rolling,

[21:16] I assume in a nod

[21:17] to the shot in M

[21:18] when Fritz Lang represents

[21:20] the death of a little girl

[21:21] by showing the ball

[21:22] that she dropped

[21:23] rolled to a stop in the grass

[21:24] and we know that

[21:25] the child killer

[21:26] played by Peter Lorre

[21:28] has ended her life.

[21:29] I assume that was

[21:30] an homage

[21:31] on the part of

[21:32] director Timothy Che.

[21:34] But maybe I'm wrong,

[21:36] So, Michael,

[21:37] he's like,

[21:37] you know what would

[21:38] cheer me up right now?

[21:39] I'll go visit my

[21:39] ex-girlfriend Lisa.

[21:41] Uh-oh.

[21:42] Turns out she's dating

[21:43] his former best friend

[21:44] and teammate Craig

[21:45] who I thought was named TJ

[21:46] for a while

[21:47] because I miss

[21:48] but I guess they said

[21:50] CJ probably

[21:51] because his name

[21:52] is Craig Jackson.

[21:52] Because he looks

[21:53] exactly like TJ Miller.

[21:55] That's what he said.

[21:55] Yeah, yeah.

[21:56] He looks just like TJ Miller

[21:57] and he shops at TJ Maxx.

[21:58] So I thought it was

[21:59] the same guy.

[22:01] He's a,

[22:02] he,

[22:02] CJ is now a major

[22:03] professional basketball player.

[22:05] He plays,

[22:05] you know,

[22:05] he makes millions of dollars.

[22:07] I think they say

[22:07] he plays for the Clippers

[22:08] and he gets pissed off

[22:09] that Lisa is

[22:10] barely friendly

[22:12] to Michael.

Stuart Wellington

[22:12] So there's a moment

[22:13] when Michael shows up

[22:15] at Lisa's house

[22:16] and Lisa's mom

[22:18] comes to the door

[22:19] and I was like

[22:20] a hundred percent sure

[22:21] that that was gonna be Lisa.

[22:23] And I'm like,

[22:24] oh, awesome.

[22:25] Like, yeah,

[22:25] she's, you know,

[22:26] she's,

[22:27] has an age great

[22:28] but that's okay.

[22:29] Uh, but no.

[22:31] Uh,

[22:32] we're introduced to Lisa

[22:33] who is much more,

[22:34] uh,

[22:35] traditional romantic lead material.

Elliott Kalan

[22:37] As in,

[22:38] as in that she is young

[22:39] and beautiful.

[22:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:41] Yeah.

[22:41] I thought for a second

[22:42] this movie was going to,

[22:44] you know,

[22:44] strike a blow for,

[22:46] I don't know,

[22:47] like ageism

[22:47] or something in movies.

Elliott Kalan

[22:49] Uh, no.

[22:50] This movie is not just

[22:51] in striking a blow

[22:51] for anyone

[22:52] except God.

[22:53] We'll get to that.

[22:55] So,

[22:55] and Craig is driving Lisa

[22:57] to a club or something

[22:59] why are you so nice to Michael?

[23:00] And he's so mad

[23:01] that he almost hit somebody

[23:02] with his fancy car

[23:03] and does not care.

[23:04] That was awesome.

[23:04] This guy is bad news.

[23:06] It's like,

[23:07] it's hard to believe

[23:07] they were even friends

[23:08] at any point.

[23:09] Uh,

[23:09] and it's also one of those things

[23:10] where you're like,

[23:11] why is Lisa with this guy?

[23:13] He's so different

[23:13] from her ex-fiancé,

[23:15] Michael.

[23:17] is,

[23:17] did she just move on

[23:18] to the next guy

[23:19] who was closest

[23:20] to be around?

[23:21] Like,

[23:22] a lot of times

[23:22] in these movies

[23:23] you'll see a woman

[23:24] leaves a guy

[23:26] and then starts dating

[23:26] a guy who is

[23:27] the complete opposite.

[23:29] And maybe,

[23:29] I mean,

[23:29] maybe it's a reaction to Michael.

[23:30] it's the fucking

Stuart Wellington

[23:30] Count of Monte Cristo

[23:31] all over again.

Dan McCoy

[23:33] Yep.

[23:34] Yep.

[23:34] Inventor of the sandwich

[23:35] that bears his name.

[23:36] The other thing

[23:37] that was confusing

[23:37] to me about this relationship

[23:38] was that,

[23:39] uh,

[23:41] the,

[23:42] Craig,

[23:42] is that his name?

[23:43] Sure.

[23:44] Yep.

[23:44] His,

[23:45] uh,

[23:45] he,

[23:46] later on he's like,

[23:47] I'm worth $24 million

[23:48] or something like that

[23:49] because he's an NBA star

[23:51] and,

[23:52] uh,

[23:52] Lisa is apparently

[23:53] still living

[23:54] at her old address

[23:56] like,

[23:57] in what the,

[23:58] you know,

[23:59] like the movie,

[23:59] like these are like

[24:00] inner city areas.

[24:02] Okay.

[24:02] Well,

[24:03] why?

[24:03] Because everyone's black,

Elliott Kalan

[24:04] Dan?

[24:04] I don't think that's

[24:05] necessarily the case.

Dan McCoy

[24:06] Because they're poor.

[24:07] The,

[24:07] the,

[24:08] the main family

[24:08] in it is expressly poor.

[24:10] They're like living

[24:11] on the edge of poverty.

[24:13] Yeah,

[24:13] but we don't know

[24:14] that Lisa is.

[24:15] I'm just saying

[24:16] that like she,

[24:16] all right,

Elliott Kalan

[24:17] that's true.

[24:18] But it seems like,

[24:19] no,

[24:19] but it's,

[24:19] it's,

[24:20] it's,

[24:20] it's confusing.

[24:21] It's confusing.

[24:22] Aside from Craig's car,

[24:23] nobody seems to be

[24:24] regularly interacting

[24:25] with someone who is

[24:26] making millions of dollars.

[24:28] Yeah.

[24:28] Who knows?

Stuart Wellington

[24:29] Maybe,

[24:29] maybe Lisa's just

[24:30] happens to be home

[24:31] that night

[24:32] because she's visiting

[24:33] her mother.

[24:34] Could be.

[24:34] That's possible too.

Elliott Kalan

[24:35] And Michael just lucked out.

[24:38] Because he doesn't know

[24:39] her new address.

[24:40] I think you're probably right.

[24:41] Uh,

[24:42] Michael's back at work.

[24:43] He sees his old lawyer

[24:44] who is sad

[24:45] because she failed him

[24:48] so badly.

[24:48] This is,

[24:49] this is the character.

Stuart Wellington

[24:50] This is the,

[24:50] like the third or fourth

[24:52] character that's introduced

[24:52] where I'm like,

[24:54] this person is a producer

[24:56] of the movie,

[24:57] right?

[24:57] Like this is some kind of,

[24:58] this is some kind of like perk

[25:01] for giving money to the movie.

Dan McCoy

[25:03] This is a character

[25:03] who only exists

[25:05] in relationship to Michael.

[25:07] Like she's given no like

[25:08] interest or life of her own.

[25:10] She just like shows up

[25:11] periodically through the film

[25:12] to be like,

[25:13] again,

[25:13] I'm so sorry.

[25:14] I wasn't able to save you,

[25:15] Michael.

[25:16] Like,

[25:17] like there's like three

[25:17] or four scenes

[25:18] where she shows up.

[25:19] She's just like kind of

[25:20] hanging around being like,

[25:21] I'm so sorry,

[25:22] Michael.

Stuart Wellington

[25:22] Yeah.

[25:22] You were,

[25:23] you were hoping that this

[25:24] lawyer character would be

[25:25] given,

[25:25] uh,

[25:26] like a full fledged life

[25:27] that you would leave the movie

[25:29] that you would leave the movie

[25:30] wondering,

[25:31] like,

[25:31] I'm assuming that character

[25:32] is just going to go home

[25:33] and have a nice meal

[25:34] with her four cats

[25:35] that she's mentioned,

[25:36] uh,

[25:37] and give her,

[25:38] her aging father a call

[25:40] because she's mentioned him.

[25:42] That's what

[25:43] you're hoping for.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] No,

[25:44] I don't want that.

[25:45] I just,

[25:45] I think it's funny that

[25:46] like she only shows up

[25:48] to like express regret

[25:50] and she does it

[25:51] three times in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] Yeah.

[25:53] And she also,

[25:54] she has the same conversation

[25:55] with Michael

[25:56] that a few people have

[25:56] where she goes,

[25:57] Michael,

[25:57] when did you get out?

[25:58] And he goes,

[25:58] a few days ago.

[26:00] Verbatim.

[26:01] Same conversation

[26:02] every time.

[26:03] Uh,

[26:04] but yeah,

[26:04] and then she says,

[26:05] I'm so sorry.

[26:05] And when you find out

[26:06] how weak the case

[26:07] against him is,

[26:08] you are like,

[26:08] oh,

[26:08] you're not a very good lawyer.

[26:09] I wonder,

[26:10] maybe she just doesn't

[26:10] have any clients anymore

[26:11] because she's,

[26:12] she failed that case.

[26:13] Guys,

Stuart Wellington

[26:13] I want to say

[26:14] we're right around the time

[26:15] when my favorite scene

[26:17] in the movie happens.

Elliott Kalan

[26:17] Is this the moldy bread scene?

Stuart Wellington

[26:19] Yes.

[26:20] That's where,

[26:21] when Michael,

[26:22] having not gotten

[26:22] his paycheck yet

[26:23] because they get paid

[26:24] every two weeks,

[26:25] uh,

[26:26] for his lunch break,

[26:27] he gets a bag

[26:28] of moldy bread

[26:29] that they were going

[26:30] to throw out

[26:31] and I'm like.

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] Which they refer to

[26:32] as 30 day old bread

[26:33] which is also like,

[26:34] whoa,

[26:34] you leave the bread

[26:35] on the shelf

[26:35] for 30 days?

Stuart Wellington

[26:36] And he like,

[26:37] he pulls a piece out

[26:39] and like,

[26:39] it's covered with mold

[26:40] on all sides.

[26:42] Like,

[26:42] he got down

[26:42] into the slices

[26:43] like every single one.

Dan McCoy

[26:45] Yeah.

[26:46] I don't know

[26:47] what grocery stores,

[26:48] the kind of grocery store

[26:49] they're running

[26:49] where they're like,

[26:50] uh,

[26:50] leave it up there

[26:50] for another day.

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] It'll keep,

[26:54] it's fine.

[26:54] It's a,

[26:55] it's called,

[26:56] uh,

[26:57] uh,

[26:57] well,

[26:58] I was trying to think

[26:59] of a pun off

[26:59] of Whole Foods

[27:00] and I couldn't.

Dan McCoy

[27:01] I think it's just

[27:02] Mold Foods.

[27:03] I think that's-

Elliott Kalan

[27:03] Mold Foods.

[27:04] Damn,

[27:04] you got it.

[27:04] It was right in front of me.

[27:06] But, uh.

[27:07] Yeah,

[27:07] it's called,

[27:07] it's called Mold Foods

[27:08] and people go there

[27:09] for the mold.

Stuart Wellington

[27:10] There is more fungus

[27:11] on this bread

[27:11] than a Jeff Vandermeer novel.

S5

[27:14] Oh!

[27:15] Oh!

Dan McCoy

[27:16] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!

[27:17] Whoop!

[27:19] So he,

[27:20] so there's a scene

[27:21] where Michael

Stuart Wellington

[27:22] is eating this moldy bread

[27:24] and crying

[27:25] behind a dumpster.

Elliott Kalan

[27:26] It's so funny.

[27:27] As he,

[27:27] as he squats

[27:28] behind the dumpster

[27:29] at work

[27:30] and it's like,

[27:31] it's so sad

[27:33] that it's hilarious.

[27:33] Like,

[27:34] it's so over-the-top sad

Dan McCoy

[27:35] that it's hilarious.

[27:36] It's also confusing to me

[27:37] because, like,

[27:38] there's a scene

[27:39] not that long before

[27:40] where his mom

[27:41] leaves him a meal

[27:42] of-

[27:43] A spaghetti dinner?

[27:44] Spaghetti dinner.

[27:45] So, like,

[27:45] he's living with his mom.

[27:46] It's, you know,

[27:47] like,

[27:47] he's got some food.

[27:48] He doesn't have to eat

[27:49] wholly molded bread.

[27:52] Wholly moldy.

[27:53] Wholly moldy.

[27:54] This bread is moldy.

[27:56] Yeah.

[27:57] As grandpa used to say.

Elliott Kalan

[28:01] Right before he chowed down

[28:02] on that moldy bread.

[28:03] Well,

[28:03] it was the Depression.

[28:04] Yeah,

[28:04] back then it was a delicacy.

Stuart Wellington

[28:06] He should have,

[28:06] he just should have fucking

[28:07] Rufio'd that shit

[28:08] and imagine he was

[28:09] eating mom's spagets

[28:10] instead of eating

[28:11] moldy bread.

Elliott Kalan

[28:12] I don't know if that works

[28:13] outside of Never Never Land.

[28:15] Okay,

Stuart Wellington

[28:15] well,

[28:16] I mean,

[28:16] he could always try.

[28:17] Like,

Elliott Kalan

[28:19] I love the idea that

[28:20] if you're ever,

[28:21] like,

[28:21] in a restaurant

[28:22] and you find,

[28:23] I don't know,

[28:24] like a hair in your food,

[28:25] you're like,

[28:25] well,

[28:25] the joke's on them.

[28:26] I'm going to Rufio this shit

[28:27] and I'm going to pretend

[28:28] this hair is the most delicious

[28:29] garlic bread ever made

[28:30] and just chow it down.

Dan McCoy

[28:32] And I fear we're being insensitive.

[28:33] I want to make it clear.

[28:34] We're not making fun

[28:35] of people who can't

[28:36] afford food.

[28:38] The movie is just,

[28:39] like,

[28:40] so over the top

[28:41] and,

[28:41] like,

[28:42] bathos at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[28:44] The movie has jumped

[28:45] so quickly

[28:45] to him

[28:47] eating moldy bread

[28:48] and he has not,

[28:49] the bread is so,

[28:50] like,

[28:50] everything about it

[28:51] is over the top.

[28:51] His performance,

[28:53] the bread,

[28:53] is over the top moldy.

[28:55] Like,

[28:55] I'm sure they're,

[28:56] I mean,

[28:56] I know people who have

[28:57] taken food out of the garbage

[28:59] to eat it

[28:59] because they've had to.

[29:00] Like,

[29:00] it's a terrible thing

[29:01] to have to do

[29:02] unless you're a freegan

[29:03] and you somehow think

[29:04] that you're saving humanity

[29:05] by not buying fresh food.

[29:07] But I don't know,

[29:08] that's not a thing.

[29:09] But that is helping

[29:10] too many people.

[29:10] It helps you,

[29:11] I guess,

[29:12] because it saves money

[29:12] on food.

[29:13] But I don't know.

[29:14] Dan,

[29:14] am I going over the line

[29:16] by going after freegans?

[29:17] I have no idea anymore.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] I love the work

[29:20] of director William Freegan

Elliott Kalan

[29:21] who made

[29:22] the freegan connection.

Stuart Wellington

[29:24] Is that what Quark is

[29:25] in Deep Space Nine?

Elliott Kalan

[29:27] No,

[29:28] that's a Ferengi,

[29:29] that's a Ferengi,

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] that's a Ferengi.

[29:30] Oh no,

[29:31] he is a freegan too

[29:32] because you know what?

[29:33] He goes over to,

[29:34] he goes over to the bar

[29:37] that Whoopi Goldberg

[29:37] runs Next Generation

[29:38] and he just takes the food

[29:40] that they throw out

[29:40] because it's not fresh anymore.

[29:42] So he's a freegan Ferengi,

[29:44] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[29:44] Well,

[29:45] I guess I'll get partial credit

[29:47] on that Star Trek joke.

Elliott Kalan

[29:49] On your Star Trek test.

[29:51] Anyway,

[29:52] no,

[29:52] you're right, Dan.

[29:53] We should make clear,

[29:54] we're not making fun

[29:54] of poverty here.

[29:55] We are making fun

[29:55] of this movie's

[29:56] ridiculous depiction of it.

[29:58] And then,

[29:58] while he's eating

[29:59] that moldy bread,

[29:59] he flashes back to him

[30:00] losing a dunk contest.

[30:03] And you know he's young

[30:04] because he's wearing

[30:04] that crazy wig.

[30:05] He's just trying too hard

[30:06] to invent new dunks.

[30:09] you gotta stick to what you know.

[30:10] Stop trying to innovate

[30:11] the world of dunks.

[30:13] Just be safe.

[30:14] Wait,

[30:14] did that happen?

Stuart Wellington

[30:15] Yeah.

[30:16] Did I get up

[30:16] and get a beer during that?

[30:18] I think Dan and I

[30:19] were up getting beers.

Elliott Kalan

[30:21] Yeah,

[30:21] it's a very quick flashback.

[30:22] Anyway,

[30:23] Michael,

[30:24] he wants to go

[30:24] take a talk.

[30:25] He wants to save Tay

[30:26] from a life of crime.

[30:27] So he goes to talk

[30:28] to Tay's gang leader boss,

[30:29] a character whose name,

[30:30] you guessed it,

[30:31] I did not catch

[30:32] during the length of the film.

[30:34] And the gang boss is like,

[30:35] no,

[30:35] it's cool,

[30:36] we don't sell drugs anymore.

[30:37] Now we push guns.

[30:38] The market's always there.

[30:40] And Michael tells Tay,

[30:42] don't join this gang.

[30:43] Tay is like,

[30:44] mom needs money.

[30:45] She has expensive hospital bills.

[30:46] This is the first time

[30:47] we've learned of that.

[30:48] Although we have seen mom cough

[30:49] a couple times,

[30:50] I think,

[30:51] which is movie shorthand

[30:52] for deathly ill.

[30:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:54] It's like,

[30:55] it's like anytime a woman

[30:56] vomits in a movie,

[30:58] she's pregnant.

[30:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] And anytime that a man

[31:02] does anything in a movie,

[31:06] someone in the audience

[31:08] is going to be like,

[31:08] awesome,

[31:09] no matter how stupid it is.

[31:10] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[31:12] Wow.

[31:12] Elliot taking,

[31:13] holding movies to task.

Elliott Kalan

[31:15] Well,

[31:15] really movie viewers,

[31:17] that one guy.

[31:17] But anyway,

[31:18] so Dan,

[31:20] guess what?

[31:21] It's time for

[31:22] maybe my favorite scene

[31:24] in the movie

[31:24] other than the moldy bread scene

[31:25] because Michael's going to play

[31:27] a basketball game

[31:28] and this is the basketball game

[31:29] where they're going to break down

[31:30] some of our assumptions

[31:31] about who can

[31:32] and who can't dunk basketballs.

[31:34] Yeah.

[31:34] Because Michael's playing

[31:35] this basketball game

[31:36] and then a woman says

[31:37] she wants to play

[31:37] and the other guys are like,

[31:39] no way,

[31:39] no way.

[31:40] And Michael's like,

[31:40] no,

[31:41] let's let her play.

Stuart Wellington

[31:41] Yeah,

[31:42] the one dumb guy

[31:43] is like,

[31:43] no way.

[31:45] No way.

[31:46] The guy with the little beard

[31:47] and the big hair.

[31:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:48] What's his name?

[31:49] What's his name, Elliot?

[31:50] You wrote it down, right?

[31:52] I don't remember.

[31:53] I mean,

[31:53] we can call him Gus,

[31:54] maybe.

[31:55] Does Gus work as a name?

[31:56] Or like,

[31:57] Hiram?

[31:58] Can we call him that?

[32:00] So she's got all kinds

[32:01] of trick moves,

[32:02] including one where she rolls

[32:03] the basketball over her neck

[32:04] in a way that I don't see

[32:06] how it helps her necessarily,

[32:07] but it's pretty cool.

Dan McCoy

[32:09] I mean,

[32:10] all of her things

[32:10] were trick moves.

[32:11] I kept waiting for her

[32:12] to be like doing a trick move

[32:13] and a guy just come up

[32:14] and be like,

[32:15] yoink,

[32:15] and take the ball away from her.

[32:17] That does not happen.

[32:19] Dan's not a fan

Stuart Wellington

[32:19] of showboating in sports.

Dan McCoy

[32:22] You know,

[32:22] the fundamentals.

Elliott Kalan

[32:23] That's what I care about.

[32:25] Yeah,

[32:25] solid fundamentals.

[32:26] That's what you say every time.

[32:27] You're also one of those guys

[32:28] where when a team wins

[32:30] a football game,

[32:31] they just wanted it more.

Dan McCoy

[32:33] That sounds exactly like me.

Elliott Kalan

[32:35] That's what it comes down to.

[32:37] It does have my favorite...

[32:39] My podcast with myself?

[32:41] This movie does...

[32:43] This scene has my favorite

[32:44] moment in the movie

[32:45] where she bonks the dumb guy

[32:47] in the face with a basketball

[32:48] and there's a cartoon sound effect

[32:49] that's like,

Stuart Wellington

[32:52] boing!

[32:53] It's crazy that they found an actor

[32:55] whose head makes that noise

[32:56] when a basketball

[32:57] is bounced off of it.

Elliott Kalan

[32:58] It just makes me wonder

[32:59] if he has to deal with that

[33:00] all the time

[33:01] when he gets bonked on the nose

[33:02] by things accidentally.

[33:03] If people laugh at him

[33:05] no,

[33:05] I'm in real pain right now.

[33:06] Please stop making that laugh.

[33:08] Is that why laughing

[33:08] at that noise

[33:09] that my body makes?

[33:11] And then the dumb guy,

[33:13] they keep tricking him

[33:14] to asking her out

[33:14] and she keeps saying no

[33:15] and he just cannot get it

[33:17] through his thick head

[33:17] that she doesn't want

[33:19] to go out.

[33:19] Yeah, he's like

Stuart Wellington

[33:20] Joe Latruglio's character

[33:21] in the first season

[33:22] of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Elliott Kalan

[33:24] And at that point,

[33:26] okay,

[33:26] they made their point,

[33:28] anyone can play basketball

[33:29] and Michael is very welcoming

[33:30] to people.

[33:31] Oh, no,

[33:32] the scene's not over yet.

[33:33] Dan,

[33:34] who enters the stage now?

[33:36] A little person

[33:37] enters the stage.

[33:38] Uh-huh,

[33:39] a little person

[33:39] and the dumb guy,

[33:41] Gus Hiram,

[33:43] having recognized

[33:44] his error earlier,

[33:45] is like,

[33:45] hey,

[33:45] nobody make fun

[33:46] of this little guy.

[33:47] Hey, nobody.

[33:48] Hey, little guy,

[33:49] you want to be on my team?

[33:50] Uh-oh.

[33:51] Condescension

[33:52] is just as bad

[33:53] as rejection

[33:54] because this guy

[33:55] plays rings around him

[33:56] to the point where

[33:57] it looks like

[33:58] they're not even trying

[33:59] that hard to guard him

[34:00] in a case of

[34:01] what I suspect is

[34:03] them not trying that hard

[34:04] for the sake of the scene.

[34:06] And this little person,

[34:08] he's just a great,

[34:08] and you know what?

[34:09] He's just a great

[34:09] basketball player.

[34:10] They all are.

Stuart Wellington

[34:11] It is like

[34:12] he,

[34:13] the dumb guy,

[34:14] is

[34:14] Darth Tyrannus

[34:16] and the little person

[34:18] is Yoda,

[34:19] Jedi Master,

[34:21] just flipping all over

[34:22] the place,

[34:22] doing all kinds of moves.

Dan McCoy

[34:24] And these scenes

[34:26] go on for so long

[34:27] that you're like,

[34:28] surely this movie

[34:29] is introducing

[34:29] new characters

[34:30] that are important

[34:31] to the plot.

[34:32] Uh-huh.

[34:32] Nope.

[34:33] The woman disappears

[34:34] until the training montage

[34:35] at the end.

[34:36] The little person

[34:37] is not seen

[34:37] Hyde nor Harrow

[34:38] for the rest of the film.

Elliott Kalan

[34:40] He's not the guy

[34:41] later who is told

[34:42] he's too short

[34:43] to dunk the dunks,

[34:44] right?

[34:44] That's a different guy?

Dan McCoy

[34:45] There's another guy

[34:45] who's like five foot

[34:46] who, uh...

[34:47] Five five, I think.

[34:48] Yeah.

[34:49] But that's not the same.

Stuart Wellington

[34:51] Except that's the guy

[34:52] who the agent

[34:53] is making fun of.

[34:55] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[34:55] Yes, yeah.

[34:56] There's a scene

[34:57] and that was one

[34:59] of those moments

[34:59] where I was like,

[34:59] oh, that's how tall I am.

[35:01] But he looks really short

[35:02] because everyone in this movie

[35:02] is really tall

[35:03] because they're basketball players.

[35:05] And at the end,

[35:05] let me just,

[35:06] this is a spoiler alert,

[35:07] there's a big dunking competition

[35:08] at the end.

[35:08] And the announcer says,

[35:10] this guy is five nine,

[35:11] he's the shortest guy

[35:12] in the competition.

[35:13] I was like,

[35:13] oh, he's almost

[35:14] half a foot taller than me.

[35:15] Like, that's crazy.

[35:17] But he's taller than my dad,

[35:18] the shortest guy

[35:19] in the competition.

[35:20] But anyway,

[35:21] here's the thing to,

[35:22] here's what I realized

[35:23] about this movie.

[35:24] This movie is to basketball

[35:25] what like a lot of

[35:27] martial arts movies

[35:28] are to martial arts

[35:29] where it's like,

[35:30] oh, I'm not watching this

[35:31] for the plot.

[35:31] I'm watching this

[35:32] to see these guys

[35:33] pull off their insane moves

[35:34] and show their

[35:35] different fighting styles.

[35:36] This movie basically exists

[35:37] so you can watch

[35:38] different types of basketball

[35:39] being played.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] Like,

[35:41] the plot is just there

[35:42] to get us from dunk to dunk.

[35:44] It's not a,

[35:45] like a stirring tale

[35:46] of redemption

[35:46] and,

[35:47] like,

[35:48] not being defined

[35:50] by the traumas

[35:52] that you've experienced?

Elliott Kalan

[35:54] I mean,

[35:54] yeah,

[35:54] it's that too.

[35:55] Sure,

[35:55] it's that,

[35:56] but mainly in service

[35:57] of nasty dunks.

[35:58] Okay.

[36:01] So,

[36:01] this is when the movie

[36:02] takes a turn

[36:03] for the soulful.

[36:05] Literally,

[36:05] in that a man named

[36:06] Pastor Soul

[36:07] is introduced.

[36:08] Michael goes to

[36:09] an abandoned church

[36:10] where Pastor Soul,

[36:10] Pastor Soul sounds like

Stuart Wellington

[36:12] a villain in,

[36:12] like,

[36:12] a Wild West

[36:13] role-playing game.

Elliott Kalan

[36:16] Pastor Soul

[36:16] is just perching

[36:17] in this abandoned church

[36:18] like the crow.

[36:19] Like,

[36:19] he just kind of haunts it.

[36:20] Modeling his many hats.

[36:23] And he's a man

[36:24] of many hats.

[36:24] A man of one god

[36:25] but many hats.

Stuart Wellington

[36:26] I love that he's got

[36:28] one of those Panama hats

[36:29] that has the mesh body

[36:31] so you can see

[36:32] his head through it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:36] And such so you can see

[36:37] the halo above his head.

[36:38] Oh, okay.

[36:39] Pastor Soul says,

[36:40] Michael,

[36:40] you can be a role model.

[36:42] And he says,

[36:43] you can have redemption.

[36:44] Help me fix up this church.

[36:45] You guessed it.

[36:46] He's going to get

[36:47] his basketball friends

[36:48] to help him

[36:48] clean up the church,

[36:49] which entails

[36:50] moving one pew.

[36:51] And then they distract him

[36:52] by asking him

[36:53] to tell them the story

[36:56] of how he ended up in jail.

[36:57] It turns out

[36:58] he had everything.

[37:00] He was a dunk star.

[37:01] He was headed

[37:02] for the majors.

Stuart Wellington

[37:02] And head is the important

[37:04] word here

[37:05] because he had

[37:06] a lovely head of hair.

Elliott Kalan

[37:07] Yeah,

[37:08] because he had

[37:08] a very realistic

[37:09] head of styrofoam hair.

[37:11] But then,

[37:12] this guy goes,

[37:14] hey,

[37:14] a friend of mine

[37:14] is a big fan of yours.

[37:16] If I pay you $1,000,

[37:17] will you meet him?

[37:18] And he said,

[37:18] sounds legit.

[37:19] Sounds on the up and up.

[37:20] You got it, buddy.

[37:21] Stranger that I met

[37:22] on the street.

[37:23] He takes the $1,000

[37:24] and this stranger,

[37:26] whose name is Red,

[37:27] I think.

[37:27] He's one of the few guys

[37:28] I think gets a name.

[37:30] He takes him

[37:31] to a gun store

[37:32] that has all

[37:34] of the production values

[37:35] of every interior set

[37:36] from Seinfeld,

[37:38] a show that I've been

[37:38] watching a lot lately

[37:39] and noticing how

[37:40] incredibly cheap and fake

[37:42] almost every set

[37:43] in it looks.

[37:44] So,

[37:45] it has the fakeness

[37:46] of that.

[37:47] hey,

[37:47] oh,

[37:47] wow,

[37:48] the guy who runs

[37:48] the store is like,

[37:49] oh,

[37:49] you're Michael Diggs.

[37:50] It's really great

[37:50] to meet you.

[37:51] And Red is like,

[37:51] yeah,

[37:51] it is,

[37:52] isn't it?

[37:52] Pulls out a gun.

[37:53] Okay,

[37:53] give us all your money.

[37:54] And Michael Diggs

[37:55] is like,

[37:55] don't do this,

[37:55] man,

[37:56] don't do this.

[37:56] And then,

[37:57] unprompted by anything,

[37:59] he shoots and kills

[37:59] the owner.

[38:00] Uh-oh.

[38:02] Now he's an accomplice.

Stuart Wellington

[38:03] But it's a perfect crime

[38:04] because there's no witnesses,

[38:05] right?

Elliott Kalan

[38:07] There's no witnesses.

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] Except for there's

[38:11] an elderly lady

Dan McCoy

[38:12] that they push past

[38:13] when they run out

[38:14] of the store.

Stuart Wellington

[38:15] Which is like,

[38:15] what time are they

[38:16] doing this crime?

Dan McCoy

[38:19] Crime time.

[38:20] And I guess

[38:21] that woman is in a

[38:22] stop or my mom

[38:22] will shoot

[38:23] sort of situation,

[38:24] by the way.

[38:25] Let's follow her.

Elliott Kalan

[38:27] She's an elderly lady

[38:29] who's just in the market,

[38:30] on the market for a Glock.

[38:31] Yeah,

[38:32] we miss the

Stuart Wellington

[38:32] citizen's arrest

[38:33] where she chased down

[38:34] their car T2 style.

Dan McCoy

[38:36] But this is the point,

[38:37] this is the point

[38:39] where I was shouting

[38:39] at the screen,

[38:40] what was their plan?

[38:42] Because they go in,

[38:43] the guy like,

[38:44] just,

[38:44] I guess,

[38:45] quote unquote,

[38:45] distracts him with Michael,

[38:47] shoots him in the face,

[38:49] and then they both leave

[38:50] without stealing anything.

[38:52] Like,

[38:52] I don't know

[38:53] what the point was.

[38:54] let me get the most,

[38:56] let me get local

[38:57] star Michael Diggs

[38:59] or whatever his name is.

[38:59] The most recognizable

[39:00] man in town.

[39:01] Yeah,

[39:01] let me get him.

[39:03] He won't,

[39:04] yeah,

[39:04] everyone will know

[39:05] who he is

[39:05] and he won't

[39:06] turn me in

[39:07] once he's caught,

Elliott Kalan

[39:08] inevitably.

[39:09] It's like,

[39:10] yeah,

[39:10] it's like,

[39:11] Dan,

[39:11] if you were in town

[39:12] and you were like,

[39:13] I want to rob this store

[39:15] but I don't want any money.

[39:16] Oh,

[39:16] Mayor Bloomberg,

[39:17] you just have me

[39:18] walking down the street.

[39:19] This guy here

[39:19] is a big fan of yours.

[39:20] Oh yeah,

[39:21] sure,

[39:21] okay,

[39:21] come on in.

[39:22] And then you're running out

[39:23] why did I pick

[39:24] the most recognizable

[39:24] man in town?

[39:27] But anyway,

[39:28] then Michael's lawyer

[39:29] advised him

[39:30] to take a plea deal.

[39:31] She's a terrible lawyer.

[39:32] Let's just get that straight.

[39:35] There's,

[39:35] and Michael tells Lisa

[39:37] and his life is over

[39:39] and there's no God

[39:40] and Lisa's like,

[39:41] don't say that.

[39:41] He's like,

[39:41] no,

[39:42] there's no God.

[39:42] The judge sentences him

[39:43] to 10 years in jail

[39:44] for basically not having

[39:45] better common sense.

[39:47] He's like,

[39:47] but I didn't do it.

[39:48] I didn't,

[39:49] I didn't,

[39:49] I didn't do it.

[39:50] He's like,

[39:50] yeah,

[39:50] but you should have

[39:51] had better common sense.

[39:52] 10 years in jail,

[39:53] next case.

Stuart Wellington

[39:54] His lawyer is giving

[39:55] her final argument

[39:56] and the judge

[39:58] interrupts her.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] He's like,

[40:02] I've heard enough excuses

[40:03] or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[40:05] It's insane.

Elliott Kalan

[40:07] I mean,

[40:08] I guess he shouldn't

[40:09] have agreed

[40:09] to have his murder trial

[40:10] at Judge Judy's court.

[40:12] That was probably

[40:13] part of the problem.

Stuart Wellington

[40:14] He's like,

[40:14] this is going to sound

[40:15] like baloney.

[40:16] She's not going

[40:17] to be up for it.

[40:18] She wasn't born yesterday.

Elliott Kalan

[40:20] And so,

[40:21] she knows what rain is.

[40:23] Yeah,

[40:23] knows the rain

[40:24] and the difference

[40:24] between being,

[40:25] having pee on her leg.

[40:27] Now,

[40:28] here's the question.

[40:29] She says,

[40:29] don't pee on my leg

[40:30] and tell me it's raining.

[40:31] Has that ever worked?

[40:32] Is there,

[40:33] one,

[40:33] why would you pee

[40:34] on someone's leg?

[40:35] That's my question

[40:36] right at the beginning.

[40:36] Unless it's famed wrestler

[40:38] urinal leg Boggs

[40:39] who had a urinal for a leg

[40:40] that he would use

[40:41] to kick people

[40:41] in the face with.

[40:42] Why would you pee

[40:43] on someone's leg?

[40:44] And two,

[40:45] why would you then

[40:46] excuse yourself

[40:47] by saying,

[40:47] oh,

[40:47] it's raining out?

[40:49] It's not me.

Stuart Wellington

[40:50] I feel like

[40:50] I've definitely

[40:51] talked to people

[40:52] who have been peed on

[40:53] while at like

[40:54] a music festival.

Elliott Kalan

[40:55] But then,

[40:56] did they say,

[40:56] hey,

[40:57] stop that?

[40:57] And the guy said,

[40:57] oh,

[40:58] no,

[40:58] it's raining.

[40:59] Here's the first thing

[40:59] I would do.

[41:00] Put my hand above my head

[41:02] to see if I could feel

[41:03] the rain.

[41:04] And at that point,

[41:04] you,

[41:05] the urinator,

[41:05] you have to try to arc

[41:07] your pee in the air

[41:08] so that it hits their hand.

[41:09] And that's just difficult

[41:10] to do.

[41:11] You gotta have

[41:11] a powerful stream.

[41:12] Yeah,

[41:12] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[41:13] at that point,

[41:15] you're probably

[41:15] halfway through

[41:16] peeing anyway,

[41:17] so your water

[41:18] is depleted.

Elliott Kalan

[41:19] Yeah,

[41:19] and it's like

[41:20] having to slam dunk

[41:21] with pee.

[41:22] And as we know

[41:23] from this movie,

[41:23] slam dunking is very difficult

[41:25] even though everyone

[41:26] can do it.

[41:26] Everybody does it.

[41:30] Dan,

[41:30] so if you were

[41:31] in that situation,

[41:32] you've been caught out

[41:33] for peeing on someone's leg.

[41:34] No,

[41:34] no,

[41:34] you're peeing on someone's leg

[41:36] and they called you out.

[41:37] What would you do?

[41:38] Would you go for this rain thing

[41:39] or do you have another

[41:40] pee card up your sleeve?

Dan McCoy

[41:42] I feel like I would

[41:42] just stick to my story

[41:43] because I feel like

[41:45] that's one of those cases

[41:46] where social pressure

[41:48] would be like,

[41:49] the guy eventually

[41:50] would just be like,

[41:50] I guess I'm wrong.

Stuart Wellington

[41:51] When you say

[41:52] stick to my story,

[41:53] are you talking about

[41:54] one of those

[41:55] unpublished screenplays

[41:57] you've been working on?

[41:58] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[42:00] Yeah.

[42:00] Because the dream

[42:01] of every screenwriter

[42:02] is to have their screenplay

[42:02] published.

Stuart Wellington

[42:05] Yeah,

[42:05] that's what you...

[42:05] When you buy it...

[42:06] It's final finished state.

[42:07] You buy it in

[42:08] Canal Street

[42:09] or whatever.

[42:10] Did you say

[42:12] Canal Street?

[42:13] Canal Street,

[42:14] yeah.

[42:15] Stephen J.

[42:15] Cannell.

Elliott Kalan

[42:16] What if Canal Street

[42:17] was named after

[42:18] Stephen J.

[42:18] Cannell?

[42:19] That would be amazing.

[42:22] It's on the corner

[42:22] of 18 Avenue

[42:23] and Riptide Boulevard.

[42:25] Anyway,

[42:26] in the present,

[42:27] Michael in the past

[42:28] he didn't have faith in God

[42:29] but now he says

[42:30] that his faith

[42:30] is what kept him sane

[42:31] in jail.

[42:32] He meets up with Lisa

[42:32] who feels kind of rightfully

[42:34] that he abandoned her

[42:35] since she went to go

[42:36] visit him in jail

[42:37] and he sent out the warden

[42:38] to say he's not going

[42:38] to see you

[42:39] which is pretty cold.

[42:41] Pretty cold to send

[42:41] your bud the warden

[42:42] to deliver that message

[42:43] and says that Craig...

[42:46] I think the warden

Stuart Wellington

[42:47] just loves drama.

Elliott Kalan

[42:50] Do you think maybe

[42:51] he's like,

[42:53] no,

[42:53] Michael doesn't want

[42:54] to see you

[42:54] and then he goes back

[42:55] and Michael's like,

[42:56] is Lisa ever going to visit?

[42:57] He's like,

[42:57] Lisa says she doesn't

[42:58] want to visit you

[42:59] and the warden's

[43:00] just stirring shit up

[43:01] like a character

[43:02] on The Bachelor.

Stuart Wellington

[43:03] Yeah,

[43:03] like one of the producers

[43:06] on one of those

[43:07] Real Housewives shows.

Elliott Kalan

[43:09] The producer on Cheaters

[43:10] who would always be like,

[43:11] or the host on Cheaters

[43:12] who would be like,

[43:12] are you going to let him

[43:13] get away with that?

[43:14] Go talk to him.

[43:15] You know,

[43:15] he'd try to get a fight going.

[43:18] Cheaters,

[43:18] of course,

[43:19] the reality show

[43:19] where they catch people

[43:20] cheating on their

[43:21] significant others.

[43:22] The ethic problems,

[43:24] there aren't any.

[43:25] Totally ethical show.

Dan McCoy

[43:26] Okay,

[43:26] that's cool.

[43:28] Wasn't it a relative

[43:29] of yours that was like,

[43:31] oh,

[43:31] Cheaters,

[43:32] this is an interesting show.

[43:34] Should we watch this?

Elliott Kalan

[43:34] Yeah,

[43:35] that was my father-in-law

[43:36] who did that.

[43:37] It's like,

[43:38] let's just see what this is.

[43:39] And my wife was like,

[43:40] Dad,

[43:40] you watch this show

[43:41] all the time.

[43:43] Don't pretend

[43:44] you don't know what it is.

[43:46] He's a great guy.

[43:47] Don't judge him on that fact.

[43:48] That's amazing.

[43:49] And Lisa,

[43:50] so not only is she

[43:51] thinking about marrying Craig,

[43:52] but she's not so into God anymore.

[43:54] She's not so sure

[43:54] there is a God.

[43:55] Uh-oh.

[43:56] Her stance

[43:57] and Michael's stance

[43:58] on God

[43:58] has flipped.

[43:59] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[44:00] she currently worships

[44:02] the almighty dollar.

Elliott Kalan

[44:04] Actually,

[44:05] there is a scene later

[44:05] where the sports agent,

[44:06] Terrell,

[44:07] Lisa's like,

[44:08] what about God?

[44:09] And he holds up a dollar

[44:10] or a hundred dollar bill

[44:10] and he goes,

[44:11] this is my God

[44:12] and I sing his praises

[44:13] every day.

[44:14] all right,

[44:15] you've become a walking

[44:16] political cartoon.

[44:17] And you're like,

Stuart Wellington

[44:18] uh,

[44:18] how about you do

[44:19] a couple bars then?

[44:20] I want to hear this song.

Dan McCoy

[44:22] Like,

[44:22] it would be funny to me

[44:23] if that thing

[44:24] had just like continued.

[44:26] He would like,

[44:27] he like pulled out

[44:27] a big crucifix

[44:29] nope,

[44:30] and he cracks it

[44:30] over his leg.

Stuart Wellington

[44:32] Yeah,

[44:32] I mean,

[44:32] I would like it

[44:33] if it turned into

[44:34] like a full-on musical

[44:35] and he just did

[44:36] like a big bit

[44:37] with like,

[44:37] uh,

[44:38] like Satan

[44:38] and a bunch of people

[44:39] showing up.

Elliott Kalan

[44:40] Oh yeah,

[44:41] there's a coal choir there

[44:42] and then he,

[44:42] he puts the,

[44:43] he slits a goat's throat

[44:45] as a sacrifice

[44:46] and spills the blood

[44:47] on a $20 bill

[44:48] and is like,

[44:48] drink it up,

[44:49] Andrew Jackson,

[44:50] drink it up.

[44:51] My sacrifice to you,

[44:52] the best of my flock.

[44:54] Anyway,

[44:55] uh,

[44:56] bad news for Michael.

[44:57] Michael's boss says,

[44:58] Michael's fired,

[44:59] they don't hire convicts

[45:00] at the store

[45:01] and, uh,

[45:03] joke's on you,

[45:03] you did,

[45:04] I mean.

[45:06] I'm sorry,

[45:06] I wouldn't have hired you,

[45:07] I was so busy,

[45:08] I didn't have time

[45:08] to read your application.

[45:09] It's like,

[45:10] story checks out,

[45:10] he was very busy

[45:11] the day that he hired Michael.

[45:12] But it's weird,

[45:13] but it's weird,

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] but it's weird,

[45:13] like,

Stuart Wellington

[45:14] I mean,

[45:15] Michael's doing a good job,

[45:17] why doesn't he just

[45:17] hush it up?

[45:18] It's not like

[45:19] there's gonna be a scandal.

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] No,

[45:21] one,

[45:22] who found out about this

[45:23] and two,

[45:23] why doesn't he go to bat

[45:24] for Michael?

[45:25] Like,

[45:25] he's doing a great job.

[45:26] He's too afraid

[45:26] of losing his own job

[45:27] as manager

[45:28] of the grocery hardware store?

[45:29] Come on, man.

[45:30] He had everyday hero.

Dan McCoy

[45:32] He said there's like

[45:32] a company-wide policy

[45:34] against hiring convicts

[45:35] and I'm like,

[45:36] I don't know about the law,

[45:37] but like,

[45:37] it seems like,

[45:38] is that something

[45:39] that you can do?

[45:40] Like,

[45:40] just like having a-

[45:40] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[45:41] it's something that happens a lot.

[45:42] Yeah?

[45:42] That's why it was recently,

[45:44] did they officially ban it

[45:46] or did they just make it

[45:46] more difficult

[45:47] to put a box on,

[45:48] or were they just

[45:49] trying to ban it,

[45:50] to put a box on

[45:51] application forms

[45:51] that say,

[45:52] have you ever been convicted

[45:52] of a crime?

[45:53] Because in reality,

[45:54] convicts are discriminated

[45:56] against in hiring

[45:56] everyday convicts.

Dan McCoy

[45:57] No,

[45:57] no,

[45:58] no,

[45:58] I know that.

[45:59] I just didn't know

[46:00] whether it was legal

[46:01] to expressly be like,

[46:02] oh,

[46:02] by the way,

Elliott Kalan

[46:06] I think it is,

[46:07] unless it's recently been banned,

[46:08] but I don't know.

[46:09] Everybody,

[46:10] convicts,

[46:10] if you've found good jobs

[46:12] in Dan's Right,

[46:13] mail into Elliot's Wrong,

[46:14] care of Dan's Right,

[46:16] care of the Flophouse,

[46:17] Neverland,

[46:18] Never Gonna Happen,

[46:19] Imaginary World,

[46:21] Narnia,

[46:22] Fakesville.

[46:22] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[46:23] Dan's Right is also

[46:24] what Dan imposes on people

[46:26] when you're at a restaurant

[46:27] and he gets the first breadstick.

Elliott Kalan

[46:31] He calls it

[46:31] prima stickta.

[46:33] Gross.

[46:35] So,

[46:35] flashback.

[46:37] Michael's,

[46:38] he's talking to Terrell,

[46:39] a sports agent,

[46:40] which is technically

[46:41] against the rules

[46:41] because Michael's,

[46:42] you know,

[46:43] still a student

[46:43] and Terrell's like,

[46:45] you could make

[46:45] 65 million dollars

[46:47] but Michael says,

[46:48] he says,

[46:48] you would be the first pick

[46:50] of the draft

[46:50] if you were drafted

[46:51] or something like that

[46:52] and he says,

[46:54] no,

[46:54] I'm gonna stay at USC.

[46:55] Now,

[46:56] we see the repercussions

[46:57] of that decision

[46:58] not to chase the lucre.

[46:59] He can't find a job.

[47:01] He has a very polite interaction

[47:02] with a guy

[47:03] at a car repair place

[47:04] but the fact

[47:04] that he knows

[47:05] nothing about cars

[47:06] really gets in the way

[47:07] of him getting that job

[47:08] and it's such a sad scene

[47:10] where the guy's like,

[47:11] he's like,

[47:11] yeah,

[47:11] sure,

[47:11] let me see if I can help you out.

[47:13] Can you change a tire?

[47:14] No,

[47:14] sir.

[47:15] Can you change oil?

[47:16] No,

[47:16] sir.

[47:17] You know how to fix an engine?

[47:18] No,

[47:18] sir.

Stuart Wellington

[47:19] It's like some kind of gift-giving ceremony

[47:22] where you're expecting the person

[47:24] to deny it three times

[47:25] and then before accepting.

Elliott Kalan

[47:27] It's all etiquette.

[47:29] How much does it cost?

[47:32] No,

[47:32] no,

[47:32] I couldn't take your money.

[47:33] No,

[47:33] no,

[47:33] I insist.

[47:34] Oh,

[47:34] no,

[47:34] it would be an insult to me,

[47:35] sir,

[47:35] if you were to pay for this.

[47:36] No,

[47:37] no,

[47:37] I insist.

[47:37] How much?

[47:38] No,

[47:38] no,

[47:38] I cannot take money.

[47:39] Please,

[47:40] sir.

[47:40] Okay,

[47:41] in that case,

[47:42] I'm always worried

[47:42] that I'm going to travel to a country

[47:45] where the etiquette requires they deny you money

[47:48] and that I won't get it

[47:49] and I'll be like,

[47:49] okay,

[47:50] and I'll walk out and really offend the guy

[47:52] and also be a thief.

[47:53] That is a real fear that haunts me to this day.

Stuart Wellington

[47:56] That's the,

[47:57] your curb episode you're working on.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] Yeah,

[48:01] for when Larry David goes to Iran,

[48:03] I guess,

[48:04] and he doesn't get all the etiquette.

[48:08] There's the scene where he goes,

[48:10] he's in China

[48:11] and he goes to a family's house

[48:12] and he doesn't leave some food over on the plate.

[48:14] You're supposed to leave a little bit behind,

[48:16] so I've been told,

[48:17] to imply that they were so generous

[48:18] they gave you more than you could eat

[48:20] and whoever he's with,

[48:21] like Ted Danson or something,

[48:22] is like,

[48:23] Larry,

[48:23] leave a little bit of food.

S4

[48:24] Why should I?

[48:25] It tastes great.

[48:25] I'm going to eat it all.

[48:26] They should be more happy that I ate it all.

[48:28] It shows them that it was good.

[48:30] Come on.

[48:31] Anyway,

Elliott Kalan

[48:32] that's,

[48:32] I guess that's kind of a,

[48:34] actual real travel experiences,

[48:37] what I assume Larry David would be

[48:38] if he went overseas.

[48:39] Anyway,

[48:40] okay.

[48:41] So,

[48:42] the gang leader tries to give Michael some money.

[48:44] Michael won't take it

[48:45] and the gang leader says,

[48:46] God doesn't exist.

[48:47] We know God exists

[48:48] because in the movie,

[48:49] God's Not Dead,

[48:49] he killed Kevin Sorbo.

[48:50] But this guy,

[48:51] I guess,

[48:51] hasn't seen that movie

[48:52] or maybe this is a prequel to that.

[48:54] Yeah.

[48:54] Michael gets a job as a busboy.

Dan McCoy

[48:56] I just want to say,

[48:57] when he doesn't accept the money,

[48:58] they just drop the money on the ground

[49:00] and everyone walks off.

[49:02] They don't take the money back at all.

Elliott Kalan

[49:04] Like,

[49:04] no one wants it.

[49:05] That money's been rejected.

[49:06] It stains now.

[49:09] That's true.

[49:09] I forgot about that.

[49:10] They just leave.

[49:11] And it's like $1,000 or something.

[49:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:13] And what I love is the idea

[49:14] that this gang leader's like,

[49:16] yeah,

[49:16] I just go to Staples,

[49:18] pick up a big box of white envelopes every day.

[49:21] That's where I,

[49:22] that's how I give my money out to my associates.

Elliott Kalan

[49:25] He's like,

[49:26] I could see it,

[49:26] send one of my henchmen to pick it up,

[49:28] but I like to stay humble.

[49:29] And that's my one job that I do to stay humble

[49:31] is I pick up my own envelopes.

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] He's like,

[49:33] I was trying a payroll company,

[49:35] but they were,

[49:35] they were taking too,

[49:37] it was too expensive.

Elliott Kalan

[49:38] It didn't fit my needs.

[49:40] They would take out cash.

[49:41] They would take out taxes for payroll.

[49:43] And this is a cash only criminal organization.

[49:46] So we're trying to not pay those taxes.

[49:49] We don't really want to be reporting to Uncle Sam.

[49:51] So I,

[49:52] I fired them and now I just handle it myself,

[49:54] which is a hassle.

[49:55] But you know,

[49:55] if it's not worth it to me to do the work,

[49:57] maybe it's not worth it to me to be a gang leader.

[49:59] That's what I say.

[50:00] So Michael,

[50:01] he gets a job as a busboy at the local diner.

[50:03] And he's really,

[50:03] this is a diner that has a picture of him up on the wall.

[50:06] And he has to talk the owner into hiring him so hard.

Stuart Wellington

[50:09] He's like,

[50:09] can I get a job?

[50:10] He's like,

[50:10] I don't have any jobs.

[50:11] He's like,

[50:12] I'll wash dishes.

[50:13] okay.

Elliott Kalan

[50:14] Oh,

[50:15] when you said jobs,

[50:15] I didn't mean the kind of jobs we have here at a restaurant.

[50:18] I thought you meant as a professional basketball player.

[50:20] And why would I hire you to do that?

[50:21] This is a restaurant.

[50:24] Lisa,

[50:24] Craig,

[50:25] and Terrell walk in.

[50:26] Uh-oh.

[50:26] And Craig is just ridiculing,

[50:29] Michael belittling him.

[50:30] Lisa offers to help him out,

[50:32] but he's like,

[50:32] no,

[50:32] that's cool.

[50:33] I'm fine.

[50:33] And Michael keeps his cool the whole time.

[50:35] This is when Terrell talks about how money is his God,

[50:37] and there's no God otherwise.

[50:40] And it's,

[50:41] that guy,

[50:42] what I like about him is he is entirely first level.

[50:44] There is no subtext to anything he says.

[50:47] He is just,

[50:48] he is such a flat,

[50:49] open character,

[50:50] that at a certain point,

[50:51] he becomes the only honest character in the entire movie.

Dan McCoy

[50:54] And I really like that about him.

[50:55] I liked him because,

[50:57] I mean,

[50:58] it makes sense.

[50:58] He was a well-rounded character.

[50:59] Yeah,

[51:00] yeah,

[51:00] yeah.

[51:00] Yeah,

[51:01] three dimensions.

[51:01] I liked him because,

[51:02] I mean,

[51:03] it makes sense that he's hanging around Craig,

[51:05] but there are scenes where he's just like hanging around,

[51:08] like,

[51:08] there's a scene early on where he's just hanging around the basketball court,

[51:12] yeah,

[51:12] I'm scouting.

[51:13] Like,

[51:13] you all suck.

[51:15] And then,

[51:15] like,

[51:16] later on,

[51:17] he's still hanging around the same basketball court.

[51:19] And I'm like,

[51:19] what are you doing,

[51:20] man?

Elliott Kalan

[51:20] Do you think there's a new crop of players that are coming through the basketball court a week later?

[51:25] Come on.

[51:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:26] Come on.

[51:26] Maybe there's just like a hot dog place down the street that he really likes.

Dan McCoy

[51:31] Yeah,

[51:32] I mean,

[51:32] that's just.

[51:34] He's using his job as a smoke screen for hot dogs?

[51:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:40] Terrell,

[51:40] you can just buy a hot dog.

[51:41] You don't,

[51:42] it's okay.

[51:43] He's like,

Stuart Wellington

[51:43] but it's not a business expense.

Elliott Kalan

[51:46] I've got to watch someone play basketball,

[51:48] or else whatever I'm doing is not a business expense.

[51:52] Anyway,

[51:53] the church,

[51:54] it's all cleaned up,

[51:55] and Michael's preaching to a small group about how good always wins out.

[51:58] And hey,

[51:58] you know,

[51:58] Joseph was wrongly imprisoned too.

[52:00] Which,

[52:01] fair point,

[52:02] Which I guess also implies that Michael can,

[52:05] has the power of prophecy and can read dreams.

[52:07] Lisa shows up and gives him a big check,

[52:10] but she turns him down when he asks him out.

[52:13] Well,

[52:13] asks her out for lunch.

[52:14] Oh,

[52:14] sorry.

[52:15] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:15] Cause she doesn't eat fucking moldy bread.

[52:17] That's gross.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] He's like,

[52:19] I know this great place next to a dumpster.

[52:21] Maybe we can go there sometime.

[52:24] Everything's free.

[52:25] Cause it's 30 days old.

[52:27] Uh,

[52:28] then we flashback to Lisa being refused to see Michael by the warden.

[52:31] The warden says,

[52:31] he doesn't want to see you.

[52:32] And the warden goes back to Michael and literally says,

[52:34] she's gone.

[52:35] You can complete your journey alone now.

[52:39] Like he's a fucking Ronan.

[52:41] Yeah.

[52:43] He's,

[52:43] he's,

[52:43] he's going to walk the swordsman's path.

[52:45] And like,

[52:45] uh,

[52:46] it's,

[52:47] it's such an amazing moment because the warden seems really disgusted at

[52:50] Michael's choice.

[52:53] Like as if the warden was,

[52:54] he's a moment away from saying like,

[52:56] so can I ask Lisa out now?

[52:58] You,

[52:58] you clearly expressed no interest in her anymore.

[53:00] So is it cool if,

[53:01] because look,

[53:02] a lady like that,

[53:03] she needs,

[53:04] she needs the kind of living only a warden salary can provide.

[53:07] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:07] She,

[53:08] she ever expressed an interest in wardens before.

[53:12] Uh,

Elliott Kalan

[53:13] Michael gets convinced to enter the Kenny Dobbs dunk competition.

[53:16] And that's when Terrell insults a short player by saying he's too short to dunk.

[53:20] It's impossible.

[53:21] And then he does it.

[53:22] And the movie acts like this is the climax of Rudy.

[53:25] The music swells.

[53:26] The crowd who are watching this pickup basketball game,

[53:28] they go nuts.

[53:29] I was like,

[53:30] is this the end of the movie?

[53:31] Like you're making a lot out of a moment that happens 50 minutes before the end of the movie.

[53:36] Like,

[53:37] this is crazy.

Dan McCoy

[53:38] I will also say that like,

[53:39] I realize that this is a movie about dunking.

[53:41] I understand that dunking,

[53:43] dunking is at the heart.

[53:44] I like where this is going.

[53:46] Well,

[53:46] I realize that dunking is at the heart of this movie.

[53:48] It's like,

Elliott Kalan

[53:48] movie,

[53:49] I'll give you this.

[53:50] I know that at your core concept is that basketballs can be put into basketball hoops with your hands by jumping up to the hoop.

[53:58] I'll give you that.

[53:59] The mechanics,

[54:00] the way they work out.

[54:01] But continue,

[54:02] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[54:02] Well,

[54:03] when they play basketball,

[54:04] it appears that 100% of the basketball they play,

[54:06] is about dunking.

[54:08] Like,

[54:09] that is all they do.

[54:10] Like,

[54:10] I've seen old fundamentals McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[54:13] It's like an NBA jam game.

Dan McCoy

[54:14] No one is shooting three pointers at all.

[54:17] Like,

[54:17] no one's just doing like,

[54:18] regular layups.

Stuart Wellington

[54:20] Elliot,

[54:21] Dan is gripping the edge of the table and his knuckles are white now.

Elliott Kalan

[54:24] I love that Dan is now coming out as a sports fan for the first time.

[54:28] I've never really noticed it.

[54:29] Dan has so many strong opinions about how basketball should be played.

[54:32] Like,

[54:32] like many white men who don't play basketball and never have,

[54:36] as seen later in the movie,

[54:37] has many opinions about how people should play basketball.

[54:40] I just don't want all this showboating,

[54:42] Elliot.

[54:43] You're like,

[54:44] I'm watching it for the scoring.

[54:46] I'm not watching it to see human athleticism at its peak.

Stuart Wellington

[54:49] I,

[54:50] this movie is so much about slam dunks that it is a shame that it did not

[54:55] open up with like text on the screen.

[54:58] That is a definition of a slam dunk.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] That would be,

[55:04] or like it shows like,

[55:05] uh,

[55:06] someone playing basketball in the fifties and he's like,

[55:09] ah,

[55:09] it's just so hard to throw the ball all the way from the floor to the,

[55:12] to the hoop.

[55:13] And then an old man walks in and says,

[55:15] there is a prophecy of a new way to play basketball.

[55:19] Uh,

[55:22] so anyway,

[55:23] he,

[55:23] Michael's mom is still sick.

[55:25] She's coughing.

[55:25] He offers to get her medicine.

[55:27] She says,

[55:27] no,

[55:27] the nearest store is seven miles away.

[55:30] I could take the bus.

[55:31] And she says,

[55:31] no,

Stuart Wellington

[55:32] don't.

[55:32] Where do they live?

Elliott Kalan

[55:34] Also,

[55:35] where in what,

[55:36] what,

[55:36] where is this that the nearest store is,

[55:38] nearest store is seven miles away,

[55:40] but also that's not that far to travel.

[55:42] If you take a bus.

[55:43] Yeah,

[55:45] Like it's a,

[55:46] if it's,

[55:47] it was just this weird moment where she's like,

[55:49] no,

[55:49] don't go to the trouble of going to the bus to get me medicine.

[55:51] But she does make him promise.

[55:53] If she dies,

[55:54] he'll take care of Tay.

[55:55] And I wonder if it's that she knows she's dying.

[55:57] There's nothing at the,

[55:58] at the store that's going to help her.

[55:59] So she's just like,

[56:00] save the three 75,

[56:02] seven 50 for,

[56:03] for both for a round trip.

[56:05] Yeah.

[56:05] You were going to spend on getting me medicine.

[56:07] It's a lost cause.

Stuart Wellington

[56:07] Not to mention that the,

[56:08] the cost of his time spent traveling when he could spend that time with her.

Elliott Kalan

[56:12] Oh,

[56:13] And that's the most valuable resource.

[56:15] Cause you'll never get more time.

[56:16] You can always make more money,

[56:18] but time only happens.

[56:19] Okay.

[56:20] There,

[56:20] uh,

[56:21] there's the,

[56:22] now we're at the Kenny Dobbs dunk competition.

[56:24] This guy,

[56:25] the end,

[56:25] the champion of the competition is taunting him.

[56:27] And it has,

[56:28] his name is the jammer.

[56:29] And it has the best.

[56:30] The hero of the movie.

[56:32] The hero of the movie,

[56:33] Jammer,

[56:33] who we later learn has a master's in education also.

[56:37] But the,

[56:38] uh,

[56:38] there's the dumb guy goes,

[56:40] Hey,

[56:40] you're stupid.

[56:41] I have a master's in education.

[56:42] It's like,

[56:43] why is this not the hero of the movie?

[56:44] He's a real role model that it has the best exchange.

[56:47] I think in the history of filmmaking where they go,

[56:51] Hey,

[56:51] yo,

[56:51] listen,

[56:52] Jimmer.

[56:52] I'm jammer.

[56:54] It's just like,

[56:55] okay,

[56:56] sorry.

[56:57] My apologies.

[56:58] Uh,

[56:59] uh,

[57:00] the announcers,

[57:01] they say that there are announcers for the stunt competition.

[57:03] Three of them.

[57:03] They say it's being broadcast live in LA on all three stations.

[57:07] Now I just want to stop for a moment and point out.

[57:09] Usually when all three networks stop to broadcast the same thing,

[57:14] the president is speaking because we are about to bomb a country where it's the

[57:19] state of the union.

[57:20] So what the,

[57:20] the three networks are like,

[57:21] you know what?

[57:22] Usually we compete.

[57:24] We compete for people's viewership.

[57:26] And that's why we show different things to give them a menu of options so that

[57:29] they will select one or the other and we'll make money off it.

[57:32] But there are some moments in a nation's life where you,

[57:37] you just have to cooperate to make sure people have the information they need to

[57:40] understand that this is a critical juncture in their lives and the lives of all

[57:45] people on the world.

[57:46] And the Kenny Dobbs local dunk competition is one of those times.

[57:51] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[57:52] it does become a critical moment in at least one person's life.

Elliott Kalan

[57:56] Yeah.

[57:56] The jammer when he wins the competition,

[57:58] but we'll get to that.

[58:00] But the event looks tiny and we're just watching dunk after dunk.

[58:04] It's in like a high school auditorium,

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] like a high school gym,

[58:07] right?

Elliott Kalan

[58:07] It's a,

[58:08] yeah,

[58:08] it's at a high school gym.

[58:09] And there's,

[58:10] it's just like,

[58:11] it just dunks.

[58:11] There's no plot.

[58:12] There's no,

[58:13] there's no music.

Stuart Wellington

[58:14] There is nothing artful about how the dunks are,

[58:17] are shot.

[58:18] There's no slow motion.

[58:19] Yeah.

[58:19] No.

Dan McCoy

[58:20] And I want to say like,

[58:21] these are,

[58:22] I want to make it clear.

[58:23] These are like,

[58:24] for all my dunk hatred before these are feats of amazing athleticism.

[58:28] Like,

[58:29] Oh,

[58:29] Dan,

Stuart Wellington

[58:29] Dan's preventing,

[58:32] uh,

[58:32] trying to get in front of people sending him nasty.

[58:35] No,

Stuart Wellington

[58:35] no,

[58:35] no.

Elliott Kalan

[58:35] Suddenly Dan loves dunks.

[58:37] I'm dunk.

[58:38] No,

[58:39] I'm going to dunk.

Dan McCoy

[58:39] McCoy here.

[58:40] Biggest fan of dunks.

[58:41] He loves them.

[58:42] Master of dunks.

[58:43] I'm going to praise them to bury them.

[58:45] Elliot.

[58:45] I'm going to say that these are feats of athleticism that like,

[58:49] even as a much younger man,

[58:50] I could never have hoped to come close to be able to do.

[58:55] However,

[58:56] when you string a bunch of dunks back to back for 10 minutes,

Stuart Wellington

[59:00] you become desensitized to the dunks.

Elliott Kalan

[59:03] They become very boring.

[59:05] Well,

[59:05] that's why they do the tricks because dunks are like porn where the more you

[59:09] watch it,

[59:10] again,

[59:10] like Stuart says,

[59:10] the more desensitized you get,

[59:11] you start getting into weird dunks that you feel kind of strange about

[59:15] watching at first,

[59:16] but even that becomes normal.

[59:18] And you start exploring like the very bizarre,

[59:21] at corners of the dunk net.

[59:23] Let's just call it the internet dunk area,

[59:25] the dunk net.

[59:26] Uh,

[59:26] let's call it the dunk web.

[59:27] And you're just,

[59:28] you're just exploring like an underworld of strange,

[59:32] bizarre,

[59:32] taboo dunks that you can't really talk about with anybody.

[59:35] And yet they become a normal part of your life now.

[59:38] Is that what you're saying?

[59:39] Yeah.

[59:39] I'm saying that by the end of the competition,

Dan McCoy

[59:40] there should be more stepsister dunks.

Stuart Wellington

[59:43] By the end of the competition,

[59:45] it was like,

[59:46] Dan was like,

[59:47] dunk,

[59:48] who cares?

[59:49] Dunk.

[59:50] I don't care.

[59:51] Dunkin McCloud from Highlander.

[59:53] Ho hum.

Elliott Kalan

[59:55] Dunkin donuts.

[59:56] Yes,

[59:56] please.

[59:58] Uh,

[59:58] and,

[59:59] but,

[59:59] and when Michael is in a,

[1:00:00] in a,

[1:00:01] in a show of,

[1:00:01] I think extreme lack of tact,

[1:00:03] when Michael goes up for his part,

[1:00:04] the announcer goes,

[1:00:05] Michael digs just out of prison after six years.

[1:00:07] It's like,

[1:00:08] yeah,

[1:00:08] thanks guy.

[1:00:09] Thanks for reminding everybody of that.

[1:00:10] I mean,

[1:00:11] I'm about to make a dunk.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:12] The announcer then would immediately run over and celebrate with him every time though.

[1:00:16] I was like,

[1:00:17] is this bias?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:20] Yeah.

[1:00:20] Well,

[1:00:20] but he does that with everybody.

[1:00:22] That announcer,

[1:00:23] he's,

[1:00:23] I don't think so.

[1:00:24] I think he's biased to Michael.

[1:00:26] Who was that guy?

[1:00:27] Was that guy Kenny Dobbs?

[1:00:29] Who's Kenny Dobbs?

[1:00:30] Dan,

Dan McCoy

[1:00:31] who's Kenny Dobbs?

[1:00:32] I feel like Kenny Dobbs is like a local entrepreneur,

[1:00:35] like a charitable entrepreneur who sponsors these dunk competitions.

[1:00:39] Oh,

[1:00:39] I see.

[1:00:39] How did he make his,

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:40] how did he make his money that he then donated to charity?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:43] He was a hat magnate.

[1:00:45] Oh,

[1:00:46] okay.

[1:00:47] He owns a bunch of lids.

[1:00:49] A haberdasher?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:50] Oh,

[1:00:50] wow.

[1:00:51] Oh,

[1:00:51] yeah,

[1:00:51] yeah.

[1:00:51] The finest of haberdasheries is lids.

[1:00:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:54] Okay.

[1:00:55] So that guy who's announcing,

[1:00:56] I think is Kenny Dobbs,

[1:00:57] who's a famous dunker.

[1:00:58] Okay.

[1:00:58] Yeah,

[1:00:58] yeah.

[1:00:59] After doing some minimal Googling that I could have done earlier,

[1:01:02] but I didn't.

[1:01:03] We also see a sign.

[1:01:04] I don't know if you guys noticed it.

[1:01:05] We see a sign in this scene for Hyderabad talkies,

[1:01:08] which I believe is one of the,

[1:01:09] one of the companies that made this movie.

[1:01:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:12] Well,

[1:01:12] all right.

[1:01:13] I guess,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:13] uh,

[1:01:14] get in where you fit in,

[1:01:15] huh?

[1:01:15] And then later on,

[1:01:16] the head of Hyderabad talkies is a character in the movie,

[1:01:19] as we'll see with the implication,

[1:01:21] I guess,

[1:01:21] that maybe this is a true story that inspired them to make the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:24] I don't know.

[1:01:25] Anyway,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] or,

[1:01:26] or it's like,

[1:01:26] uh,

[1:01:27] how Marvel comics exists within the Marvel universe and it tells fictional stories

[1:01:31] about the superheroes.

[1:01:32] Wait,

[1:01:32] is that true?

[1:01:33] Yeah.

[1:01:34] There was one,

[1:01:35] there was one week when Marvel years ago,

[1:01:37] Marvel printed a bunch of books where they were like,

[1:01:39] these are the comics that the Marvel universe has.

[1:01:42] And it was like daredevil and Spider-Man,

[1:01:43] but daredevil was a real devil.

[1:01:45] And Spider-Man was an actual spider.

[1:01:47] Like people who,

[1:01:48] who have,

[1:01:49] these characters are so famous that people do like bootleg comics based on their

[1:01:53] idea of who they are.

[1:01:54] And this is what,

[1:01:55] these are the comics that people read within the Marvel universe.

[1:01:58] Whereas,

[1:01:58] as we all know from Watchmen in a universe with real superheroes,

[1:02:01] you read pirate comics.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:03] Yeah.

[1:02:03] That makes much more sense.

[1:02:05] Yeah.

[1:02:05] Right,

[1:02:06] Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:06] Yes.

[1:02:07] Anyway,

[1:02:07] so,

[1:02:08] so who wins the competition?

[1:02:08] You would think this is,

[1:02:10] you think this is the climax of the movie.

[1:02:12] There's almost an hour left after this.

[1:02:14] Uh,

[1:02:14] but Jammer wins the competition and the $50,000 prize.

[1:02:18] Michael is talking to a reporter when his mom collapses in the stands.

[1:02:21] Oh no.

[1:02:22] He goes to the hospital.

[1:02:23] If only he dumped,

[1:02:24] he was better.

[1:02:25] Yeah.

[1:02:26] If only he had won the competition,

[1:02:27] maybe she wouldn't have died.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:27] Instead of just winning $25,000.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:30] Which we find out in the next scene.

[1:02:32] So,

[1:02:32] uh,

[1:02:32] oh,

[1:02:33] at the hospital where there is some of the best extra acting I've ever seen in a movie,

[1:02:37] I think.

[1:02:37] These extras are so lively and I was so taken.

[1:02:40] I wanted to know their stories.

[1:02:41] Uh,

[1:02:41] we'd learned that she had a stroke.

[1:02:43] Lisa shows up and she says,

[1:02:45] no,

[1:02:45] you go home.

[1:02:46] And then he has an argument with Tay.

[1:02:47] Wait,

[1:02:48] he didn't,

[1:02:48] he didn't just have the warden do it.

[1:02:52] It would be so great if Lisa goes,

[1:02:53] Michael,

[1:02:54] what can I do for you?

[1:02:54] And Michael just shakes his head.

[1:02:56] No,

[1:02:57] and turns and the warden is sitting there goes,

[1:02:58] Lisa,

[1:02:59] he doesn't want to talk to you right now.

[1:03:00] Uh,

[1:03:01] I heard,

[1:03:01] uh,

[1:03:02] Michael,

[1:03:03] when I heard your mom was sick,

[1:03:04] I came as soon as I could.

[1:03:05] I'm the warden.

[1:03:05] I love you.

[1:03:06] Uh,

[1:03:07] so the doctors tell Michael,

[1:03:08] your insurance can't cover a private room.

[1:03:10] It costs $26,000 a month.

[1:03:11] He hands them the $25,000 check he won to the dunk competition and says,

[1:03:15] I'll get the other thousand.

[1:03:17] Now,

[1:03:18] before this moment,

[1:03:18] we didn't know he won any money from that competition.

[1:03:22] Also,

[1:03:22] his second,

[1:03:23] they go on.

[1:03:25] I was going to say his second place finish,

[1:03:26] which seemed like a tragedy has actually been great for him.

[1:03:29] $25,000.

[1:03:30] This guy was eating moldy bread a couple of weeks ago.

[1:03:32] It's quite a windfall.

[1:03:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:33] Yeah.

[1:03:34] But also like he's spending his $25,000 just to get his mother a private room.

[1:03:39] Not thinking about the medical bills that are likely to follow.

[1:03:44] Like not,

[1:03:45] not,

[1:03:45] not actually using it to,

[1:03:46] for the healing of his mother.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:47] And I like that the price tag is delivered by a man who claims to be a doctor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:53] That usually doesn't happen,

[1:03:55] right?

[1:03:55] So you're saying that he just,

[1:03:57] that could be a con man who just walked in and expected some money.

[1:04:00] I mean,

[1:04:00] also that,

[1:04:00] yeah,

[1:04:01] usually don't pay the doctor on the spot for the room.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:04] Yeah.

[1:04:04] Well,

[1:04:05] he's going to take that oversized novelty check.

[1:04:07] Michael leaves and like the guy's like,

[1:04:09] I can't accept this.

[1:04:11] He's like,

[1:04:11] I guess I'll take this to the billing department.

[1:04:13] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:13] You haven't even endorsed this check,

[1:04:15] sir.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:17] It's just got the imprint of a basketball.

[1:04:19] Like you've dunked onto the check.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:23] In the memo,

[1:04:24] it says for great dunking.

[1:04:28] So Michael goes to church and he tearfully prays to God for his mother's help.

[1:04:32] In a scene that is,

[1:04:34] not well acted,

[1:04:36] but I couldn't help being touched by it because this,

[1:04:37] the concept of the scene,

[1:04:39] like that this guy is at his lowest ebb.

[1:04:41] His mother is dying.

[1:04:42] The only one he can turn to is God.

[1:04:45] And like,

[1:04:45] that's a sad moment.

[1:04:46] I don't care how poorly made it is.

[1:04:47] That's a moment that's going to make me tear up every time.

[1:04:50] Guys,

[1:04:51] tell me why I'm wrong.

[1:04:52] I don't want to.

[1:04:55] Tell me why my heart should be as cold as stone.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:59] I think Elliot,

[1:05:00] you shouldn't care because,

[1:05:04] you know,

[1:05:06] she's just going to live on in glory in the next life.

[1:05:08] So why be sad about that after all?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] Very fair.

[1:05:11] Maybe she'll be reincarnated as a woman who can dunk.

[1:05:14] Maybe she could dunk.

[1:05:15] I shouldn't judge her that way.

[1:05:16] Everyone in this movie can dunk.

[1:05:18] She learned.

[1:05:19] Yeah.

[1:05:19] Good point.

[1:05:20] Good point.

[1:05:21] Fair point.

[1:05:21] So,

[1:05:22] uh,

[1:05:22] Craig and Lisa go to a surprisingly small nightclub.

[1:05:25] Uh,

[1:05:26] and Lisa on the way there is like,

[1:05:28] Michael's mom had a stroke.

[1:05:29] And Craig's like,

[1:05:30] damn,

[1:05:30] that's too bad.

[1:05:31] All right,

[1:05:31] let's get it on.

[1:05:32] Let's have some fun.

[1:05:34] And Craig is mad at Lisa for not being into the party atmosphere because she's still thinking about her ex fiance's mom having had a stroke.

[1:05:42] And,

[1:05:43] uh,

[1:05:44] Craig delivers another great line.

[1:05:45] Why do you care about him and his mom so much?

[1:05:47] It's irritating me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:51] Is this the club where he orders what?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:54] Like he orders another 40 from the,

[1:05:56] the,

[1:05:57] the,

[1:05:58] uh,

[1:05:59] waiter,

[1:05:59] but he's like drinking something out of a champagne flute.

[1:06:02] Well,

[1:06:03] what he was ordering was 40 bottles of Cristal.

[1:06:05] Oh,

[1:06:06] no,

[1:06:06] he had like a 40 on the table.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:09] Well,

[1:06:09] maybe he,

[1:06:10] okay,

[1:06:11] well maybe he wanted another one just to look at because he could look at the 40 and be like,

[1:06:15] I've come so far.

[1:06:16] Now I'm drinking champagne.

[1:06:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:18] All right.

[1:06:18] Part of me is like,

[1:06:19] yeah,

[1:06:19] like champagne makes sense.

[1:06:20] Like malt liquor,

[1:06:21] that's too many calories.

[1:06:23] He's a professional athlete.

[1:06:24] He shouldn't be drinking that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:25] Very good.

[1:06:26] Very good point.

[1:06:27] He should know about that.

[1:06:28] Uh,

[1:06:28] so they get into a fight.

[1:06:30] She's leaving and he,

[1:06:31] Craig's like,

[1:06:32] you're going to leave for him.

[1:06:33] He makes 10 an hour.

[1:06:34] And she goes,

[1:06:34] yeah,

[1:06:34] but he has a million dollar heart and then leaves.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:37] Which I think should have been the name of the movie,

[1:06:39] right?

[1:06:40] Million dollar.

[1:06:40] We can all agree that slamma jamma was a first pass.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:44] But then people might think it was a combination of million dollar baby and crazy heart.

[1:06:48] Which it kind of is.

[1:06:50] In a way,

[1:06:50] I guess.

[1:06:51] Yeah.

[1:06:51] Uh,

[1:06:52] then there's another great moment where,

[1:06:53] uh,

[1:06:53] this woman goes,

[1:06:54] hey,

[1:06:54] if you're looking for a lady and he goes,

[1:06:56] get out of here,

[1:06:57] hoochie.

[1:06:57] And she goes,

[1:06:58] don't call me a hoochie and punches him in the face.

[1:07:00] Yeah,

[1:07:00] that was pretty great.

[1:07:01] Yeah.

[1:07:02] This movie is rich with incident.

[1:07:04] Yup.

[1:07:05] Uh,

[1:07:06] even though its characters are not rich with money,

[1:07:08] except for Craig,

[1:07:09] who's a professional basketball player.

[1:07:10] Mom tells Michael she loves him and then dies.

[1:07:12] Michael cries very unconvincingly.

[1:07:14] He gives a eulogy at her funeral.

[1:07:16] And we keep seeing the same shot of Tay with one tear streak down his face.

[1:07:19] Yup.

[1:07:20] Uh,

[1:07:20] and Tay won't go hang out with Michael.

[1:07:22] What can Michael do with his grief other than practice for the next dunk contest?

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:26] The weird thing is,

[1:07:27] is his one friend,

[1:07:28] uh,

[1:07:29] the,

[1:07:30] he has the,

[1:07:30] the dumb friend and then the white guy friend and the white guy friend in every scene before this is wearing a hat of some kind.

[1:07:38] But at the funeral,

[1:07:39] his head is uncovered.

[1:07:40] What is going on,

[1:07:41] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:42] Uh,

[1:07:42] well,

[1:07:42] I mean,

[1:07:43] it's kind of a show of respect to not wear a hat unless it's a Jewish funeral,

[1:07:46] which case you would cover your head.

[1:07:47] I'm guessing that Michael Diggs is not Jewish,

[1:07:50] but who knows?

[1:07:51] Perhaps they're a Jewish family and I just didn't realize it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:54] Thank you for,

[1:07:55] thank you for explaining that,

[1:07:56] uh,

[1:07:56] that perceived plot hole for me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:59] I just,

[1:08:00] I,

[1:08:01] I wanted to improve your,

[1:08:02] in your knowledge of hat etiquette,

[1:08:04] or as I call it,

[1:08:04] hatiquette.

[1:08:05] You know,

[1:08:05] guys,

[1:08:06] let's take a walk down the long and interesting road of hat etiquette because while hats have been with us for thousands of years,

[1:08:13] so has politeness.

[1:08:14] Join me now as I'll show you the proper time to doff your chef hoe and the proper time to cover your noggin in a little show I call Elliot Kalin,

[1:08:25] Hat police.

[1:08:29] Freeze.

[1:08:29] Hands up.

[1:08:30] Get that hat off your head.

[1:08:32] Hats up.

[1:08:33] Hi, I'm Ellie Kaelin.

[1:08:34] Welcome to Ellie Kaelin, hat police.

[1:08:35] Still going on.

[1:08:36] And today we're going to look at some crazy criminals of the head covering variety.

[1:08:42] Dan, take it away.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:44] And then at the end, we're going to be touching base with our favorite hat-based movies and

[1:08:47] we're going to be watching Gangster Squad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:50] The hat-headed hand herders are at it again, wearing their head hats or hats as we call

[1:08:56] them.

[1:08:57] You know, guys, I gave a head talk the other day and it was all about-

[1:09:01] It was all about oral sex.

[1:09:05] There's only two things they talk about at head talks.

[1:09:07] I mean, it was head talk X, which is true.

[1:09:09] It's the porn version of it.

[1:09:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:12] And you did that from the back of a cab while David Duchovny drove you around town.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:16] Yeah, it was the head shoe diaries.

[1:09:18] Anyway, guys, Michael needs to invent a crazy new dunk for this dunk contest.

[1:09:25] But first, he's got bigger fish to fry.

[1:09:26] He goes to Gang HQ, which is just under an overpass where guys just stand around milling

[1:09:31] about holding guns.

[1:09:32] It looks like the gang members are just mingling all the time.

[1:09:35] He wants to see Tay.

[1:09:37] The gang leader tells him, you're in trouble.

[1:09:40] You hate me, right?

[1:09:41] And he goes, no, God will protect me and I don't hate anyone.

[1:09:44] Even when he has a gun in his face, he refuses to say anything bad about anybody.

[1:09:50] Michael pleads with Tay, leave and respect God and Ma.

[1:09:53] And he starts crying.

[1:09:54] I love you.

[1:09:55] I love you.

[1:09:55] You're a white piece of paper.

[1:09:57] There's not a mark on you.

[1:09:58] Please don't make the same mistakes I did.

[1:10:00] When the only mistake he really made was in trusting a man would pay him to go meet a

[1:10:03] friend of his, he gives this heartfelt speech, so heartfelt, the gang leader's evil heart

[1:10:08] turns warm again.

[1:10:11] Much like Pharaoh's heart was softened by the death of his firstborn son in the book of

[1:10:15] Exodus, this speech turns him around.

[1:10:19] He says, Tay, go with your brother.

[1:10:21] Leave now.

[1:10:22] And we never see that gang ever again.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:24] Yeah.

[1:10:24] He, Harry and the Hendersons, him.

[1:10:28] He goes, we don't even like you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:31] Get going.

[1:10:31] Get out of here.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:33] This is a scene, by the way, that occurs directly after the scene with Tay at the funeral.

[1:10:39] So like he could have said all these things to Tay at the funeral, not around gang members

[1:10:43] who are threatening him with guns.

[1:10:46] I just want to point that out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:46] Look, he had to walk into the lion's den and it took him time to write that speech and then

[1:10:49] memorize it.

[1:10:50] Okay.

[1:10:50] He's not the best extemporaneous speaker.

[1:10:53] As like you said, as you saw during his eulogy for his mom.

[1:10:57] Eulogy?

[1:10:57] More like foology.

[1:10:58] Oh boy.

[1:10:59] Oh man.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:01] I didn't realize you were writing eulogy reviews.

[1:11:03] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:04] I'm writing eulogy roasts.

[1:11:08] Yeah.

[1:11:08] A real arm and white over here.

[1:11:13] Michael gets back together with Lisa.

[1:11:15] Hooray.

[1:11:15] And then there's of course a training montage.

[1:11:17] There's only two weeks till the national dunk championship and his training involves a lot

[1:11:21] of wearing leg weights and having guys say more, more, lower, lower, do it more.

[1:11:25] And he says to win, he's going to have to do the impossible dunk of 540.

[1:11:30] That's when you spin around, dunk it, and then spin around again, seemingly in all defiance

[1:11:35] of the law of physics.

[1:11:36] It's impossible.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:37] I think this is the only time where they define some element of dunking in the movie is when

[1:11:44] he's like, I'm going to have to do the impossible.

[1:11:46] And then he walks away and then his friend's like, he's going to try a 540, blah, blah, blah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:52] So other than that, they just name the dunks.

[1:11:54] When people dunk, they're like, windmill, up top, 360.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:57] I mean, they don't even do the basics of like, have the announcers introduce the dunk competition

[1:12:03] and be like, there's going to be three rounds of dunking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:08] Well, yeah, because they figure anyone who's watching this, they know the rules of the dunk.

[1:12:11] Come on.

[1:12:12] They know dunk law.

[1:12:13] Guys, it's time for the main event, the Slamma Jamma Tournament.

[1:12:17] The winner gets a million dollars.

[1:12:19] But Michael Diggs, first he's up against the jammer, but he's also up against German champion

[1:12:24] Frank Frondheim, who is a blonde man who never smiles and only says one thing in the entire movie.

[1:12:30] Guys, I hope you like watching more dunks because we're going to see everything.

[1:12:35] And even Craig forces his way into the competition despite being an NBA champ, which is against

[1:12:39] the rules.

[1:12:40] But they'll allow it.

[1:12:41] Now, I think my favorite trick is when Michael Diggs dunks by jumping over a motorcycle.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:47] Which when we were watching, Dan was like, but that's shorter than a person.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:53] Yeah, and most of the dunks involve them having to jump over a tall man to jump.

[1:12:57] It's not, of course, the tall man, Angus Scrimm, which is disappointing.

[1:13:01] But if only.

[1:13:03] Because then he could say, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:04] He would say, nice dunk, boy.

[1:13:07] No!

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:08] No!

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:09] I mean, he does know his way around balls.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:15] So anyway, I mean, that sounded more like a double entendre than a joke about the spheres

[1:13:19] that kill people, but okay.

[1:13:22] So, Craig, he almost loses out of the competition.

[1:13:26] But then his sports agent, Terrell, what does he do?

[1:13:29] He bribes one of the judges.

[1:13:30] That judge?

[1:13:31] You guessed it.

[1:13:32] Who else to judge a dunk competition than disgraced baseball great?

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:38] One of the Bash Brothers.

[1:13:40] Jose Canseco.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:42] Oh yeah, Jose Canseco is judging this dunk competition.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:46] Sporting some fingers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:50] And it's one of these things where he's like, why didn't you give him a higher score?

[1:13:54] It was a boring dunk.

[1:13:55] I've seen that dunk before.

[1:13:57] It's like, what do you know about dunks, dude?

[1:13:58] You're a baseball player.

[1:13:59] Come on.

[1:14:00] But then the gut, Terrell says, what about two Clippers tickets, floor seats?

[1:14:04] And he goes, I'm a Hall of Famer.

[1:14:06] I've done all these things.

[1:14:07] You think I'm going to give up this for two tickets?

[1:14:10] And he goes, four tickets.

[1:14:11] Done.

[1:14:11] Great.

[1:14:11] And he changes the score.

[1:14:13] And it's like, did not expect.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:15] Then a little kid shows up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:17] Oh yeah, that's right.

[1:14:17] A little kid says, Jose Canseco, I looked up to you.

[1:14:20] How could you do that?

[1:14:21] And he goes, get with the real world kid.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:23] Yeah, it was the one time I genuinely laughed at the movie rather than at it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:27] Which was like when asshole Jose Canseco walks in.

[1:14:30] Exactly.

[1:14:30] Playing the version of himself.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:32] He lifts the kid up, too, to deliver this, like, the real world sucks message.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:37] He's playing the version of Jose Canseco that he would play on extras.

[1:14:40] Like, it's a pretty interesting take.

[1:14:43] Michael's friend goes and embarrasses a sports critic on national TV after he criticizes Michael.

[1:14:48] It's introducing the concept of a sports critic, which is something I had never heard of before.

[1:14:53] Uh-oh.

[1:14:55] The purported champion, Jammer, he chokes.

[1:14:57] He's out.

[1:14:58] Craig, he chokes.

[1:14:59] And then Michael does the impossible.

[1:15:02] The 540 dunk.

[1:15:04] He wins the championship.

[1:15:05] Now this dunk, it seems to involve him spinning around, dunking, and then while holding onto the rim, spinning himself around again.

[1:15:11] And it's like, once the ball's in the hoop, who gives a shit what he does?

[1:15:14] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:15] Harsh critique.

[1:15:16] I guess we have a sports critic on our hands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:19] And now look, like the sports critic in the movie, I've never played basketball, don't know anything about it, and don't want to play it.

[1:15:25] But it seems like he just added a little flourish onto a regular 360 dunk.

[1:15:29] I'm just saying, guys.

[1:15:31] Yeah.

[1:15:31] It's time for dunk gate.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:32] He did a little fucking hasta la vista there, baby, at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:36] And shades of Karate Kid, the German and Jammer, really nice to him after he wins.

[1:15:40] He wins a million dollars, which is handed to him by the president of Hyderabad Talkies, who for some reason is at this dunk competition.

[1:15:48] And then a woman runs in and says, oh, yeah, and we at Fly Less Airlines want to offer him a five-year contract.

[1:15:53] And it's like, doing what?

[1:15:55] Hold on a second.

[1:15:56] The assumption, I guess, is that it's an endorsement deal.

[1:15:59] But all we know is that this airline, which is called Fly Less, which is crazy, that this airline wants to give him a five-year contract to what?

[1:16:05] Be a pilot?

[1:16:06] A flight attendant?

[1:16:07] I don't understand.

[1:16:08] To play basketball in the plane?

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:09] They're called that because they have fewer insects inside their planes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:13] Oh.

[1:16:13] I mean, that is a great bonus.

[1:16:15] That is something I would choose them for.

[1:16:17] Because the thing that bugs me worst about flying Delta, the wasps' nests everywhere.

[1:16:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:23] You just keep bonking them with the broom you brought along.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:27] For that, hitting them with a hose for that express purpose.

[1:16:30] Yeah.

[1:16:30] And then a sports agent runs up and says, hey, Mark Cuban just called.

[1:16:34] He wants you in the NBA.

[1:16:36] And Terrell's like, I could represent you.

[1:16:37] And Michael goes, no.

[1:16:39] And Michael just walks past him, gives him the cold shoulder.

[1:16:42] And Michael and Lisa walk arm in arm onto the beach.

[1:16:45] And she tells their friends that they're going to get married.

[1:16:47] Yeah.

[1:16:48] Slamma Jamma has been slammed and jammed.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:51] What this most reminded me of is the end of Wayne's World, where they're like, let's do the mega happy ending.

[1:16:58] Because it's just like thing after thing after thing turns out well for him all at once.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:04] Yeah.

[1:17:04] I mean, the one thing they did, I wish they had gone all the way and had his mom show up and go, I'm better.

[1:17:08] Yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:11] Or like, at the very least, have like a small child show up with a twinkle in their eye and be like, I'm your mom reincarnated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:19] Oh, something that I wanted to mention that I forgot to mention.

[1:17:22] When I mentioned earlier that it was the same cinematographer as the man who did Jurassic Park and Roger Abert and The Fog and a couple of Halloween movies and two of the Back to the Futures, is that he has also made a Flophouse movie before.

[1:17:38] Oh, what's that?

[1:17:39] The same cinematographer who did a little movie called Playing for Keeps, a.k.a. Bad Dad Soccer Dad.

[1:17:47] So that's right.

[1:17:48] Oh, okay.

[1:17:49] He's a Flophouse regular for sports movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:52] There was actually, in the second dunk competition, there was a couple of shots that were kind of cool where it would, the camera would follow the person after the dunk as they like, like walk past the crowd.

[1:18:06] There was a moment when I like literally turned to Dan and was like, oh, I kind of like that shot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:11] Okay.

[1:18:12] Well, there you go.

[1:18:13] Well, you can thank him for that.

[1:18:14] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:14] So we'll, I guess that raises it to an A++.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:18] Oscar nominated cinematographer, Dean Cundy.

[1:18:21] Okay.

[1:18:21] You can thank him for that shot.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:23] I thought that when you said you had a little factoid about him, you were going to be like, turns out he was involved in a botched robbery too and was sent to jail.

[1:18:32] And that's why this movie was shot so poorly.

[1:18:36] Yep.

[1:18:36] Probably.

[1:18:37] Yeah.

[1:18:39] Yeah.

[1:18:39] So slamma jamma.

[1:18:40] We should give our final judgments about it.

[1:18:43] Cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:43] So what do we judge it on?

[1:18:46] 10 out of 10 dunks?

[1:18:47] How much it slams?

[1:18:48] How much it jams?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:49] Yeah.

[1:18:50] Yeah.

[1:18:50] How many, Dan, what are the fundamentals?

[1:18:52] How do you grade on the fundamentals on this one?

Dan McCoy

[1:18:54] Seeing as that's what you love most.

[1:18:56] Yeah.

[1:18:56] The fundamentals are terrible.

[1:18:57] There's almost no dribbling in this movie.

[1:18:59] So I give it an F plus.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:01] Oh, wow.

[1:19:02] At least he gets a plus.

[1:19:03] Oh, plus.

[1:19:03] Okay.

[1:19:03] Yeah.

[1:19:04] Room for improvement.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:05] Yeah.

[1:19:05] No, our traditional categories, of course, are, is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[1:19:10] or a movie you kind of like?

[1:19:11] Stuart, what do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:12] This is 100% a good, bad movie.

[1:19:18] This is the sort of movie that, like, you want to watch with a, you know, you want to crack

[1:19:21] a couple of Redenbachers, get your friends over.

[1:19:25] Almost every single scene, it feels like the character, like all the actors are standing

[1:19:31] still, and then you can see the director give them the action sign, and then they just start

[1:19:36] moving and stuff.

[1:19:37] It's great.

[1:19:38] It's, uh, it's awesome.

[1:19:40] What a movie.

[1:19:41] Watch Slender Jamba.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:43] I'm going to agree with Stuart.

[1:19:44] It is a good, bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:46] Yeah.

[1:19:47] Let's make it unanimous.

[1:19:49] Unanimous.

[1:19:50] I said that word weird.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:52] Yep.

[1:19:53] That's okay.

[1:19:54] I'm like most of your words.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:57] Yeah, Dan, that's, I mean, it's rare for you to misspeak, so we'll just let it slide.

[1:20:00] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:00] So, uh, let's pick up this movie, and let's carry it into the halls of good, bad, movie

[1:20:07] dumb.

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:10] Let's raise it to the rafters as we retire it, like all good, bad movies.

[1:20:14] Uh-huh.

[1:20:14] Along with, what, like Faithful Findings and Boogie Loves or something?

[1:20:19] I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:19] Yeah.

[1:20:20] Mm-hmm.

[1:20:20] Yeah.

[1:20:20] The Hall of Shame.

[1:20:21] Sure.

[1:20:22] Sure.

S4

[1:20:27] Hello, listeners of Maximum Fun.

[1:20:29] I want to tell you about our newest podcast that tells you all about the truth of the flat

[1:20:33] earth.

S5

[1:20:34] Have you been looking out over the horizon and you've been thinking, wait a minute, this doesn't

[1:20:37] look round.

[1:20:39] I've been lied to my whole life.

S4

[1:20:41] What is NASA doing with $52 million a day?

S5

[1:20:45] Uh, uh, come on.

[1:20:47] We explode the myths.

S4

[1:20:48] Just kidding.

[1:20:50] We're Oh No Ross and Carrie, and we investigate extraordinary claims.

S5

[1:20:54] That's right.

[1:20:55] We investigate extraordinary claims firsthand.

[1:20:58] We go undercover in fringe groups.

[1:21:00] We get alternative medicine treatments.

[1:21:02] And we hang out with people who have unusual beliefs, like flat earthers, 9-11 truthers.

S4

[1:21:07] We do ghost investigations.

[1:21:08] We've joined Scientology.

[1:21:10] And we got baptized in the Mormon church.

S5

[1:21:12] If it goes bump in the night, then so do we.

[1:21:16] Hmm.

[1:21:17] Why don't you check out Oh No Ross and Carrie at MaximumFun.org?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:26] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

S6

[1:21:28] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.

[1:21:31] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:34] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[1:21:35] You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my

[1:21:40] internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:21:43] I hear their cases.

[1:21:44] I ask them questions.

[1:21:45] They're good ones.

[1:21:46] And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:48] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire, one of the worst

[1:21:53] dad jokes of all time.

S6

[1:21:55] Instead of cutting his own hair with a flow beat, my husband has his hair cut professionally.

[1:22:01] I have to join a community theater group.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:03] And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

[1:22:06] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:22:08] Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:15] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

[1:22:21] Okay, what do we do now, Dan?

[1:22:23] We've got a few.

[1:22:24] We can talk about Slamma Jamma some more.

[1:22:26] Okay, we open on a basketball game.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:29] We have a few sponsors.

[1:22:31] Oh, cool.

[1:22:33] First is Casper.

[1:22:35] The Flophouse is supported in part by Casper, a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize

[1:22:40] its line of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:22:47] You know why they offer affordable prices, Stuart?

[1:22:50] Why is that?

[1:22:51] Because they cut out the middleman and sell directly to the consumer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:54] Oh, that's cool.

[1:22:55] So, like, they just show up to you on the street and give you a mattress?

Dan McCoy

[1:23:01] Well, I mean, there's money exchanged, too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:04] Yeah, in an envelope, I'm assuming.

[1:23:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:07] Yeah, they say, hey, I got this really great mattress.

[1:23:10] It's only $1,000.

[1:23:11] Come with me here.

[1:23:11] And then they rob a store, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:23:14] I can only assume that's how they keep their prices so low.

[1:23:17] Because it's a steal?

[1:23:19] Because of crime.

[1:23:19] It's a crime, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:20] Now, Dan, they cut out the middleman so they can sell directly to you a high-quality mailable mattress.

[1:23:27] And you said they're changing these things.

[1:23:29] They're revolutioning it one night at a time.

[1:23:31] And it reminded me that one night in Bangkok makes a grown man humble at how comfortable a Casper mattress is.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:37] You just thought of that.

[1:23:39] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:40] Look, Casper brand mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

[1:23:48] And what more do you want in a mattress than sink and bounce?

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:52] We have written stories on the sink and bounce of Dan's Casper mattress.

[1:23:59] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:00] I don't like that.

[1:24:01] Stories the world is not ready for.

[1:24:03] You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial.

[1:24:08] Get $50 toward select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash flophouse and using promo code FLOPHOUSE, all one word, at checkout.

[1:24:19] Terms and conditions apply.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:21] Now, Dan, you've been very happy with your Casper mattress, right?

[1:24:24] I have.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:25] Yeah, I mean, I don't have anything else to say about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:27] You just moved apartments and you brought the same mattress with you?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:30] I brought the same mattress with me.

[1:24:31] I did not decide, hey, time for, you know, throw this fucker out on the corner.

[1:24:36] Put it out on that curb and have it turn into a piece of public art.

[1:24:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:41] Because I was, you know, there may have been an enigma of Casper Hauser, but there's no enigma with a Casper mattress.

[1:24:48] It's just a gray mattress.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:49] Yeah.

[1:24:49] That's a good point.

[1:24:50] I'm surprised they don't use that in their copy.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:55] And we are also supported in part by Squarespace, the website development service.

[1:25:04] Yeah.

[1:25:05] That you can use to turn your cool idea into a new website and showcase your work.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:09] Dan, were you waiting for us to disagree with you about what Squarespace is?

[1:25:12] No, Dan started doing it weird and I was laughing.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:14] Yeah, I was just looking at him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:16] Dan started doing a bit and immediately abandoned it.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:20] You can use it for all sorts of things, showcasing your work, announcing an upcoming event or special product.

[1:25:25] You can use the powerful e-commerce functionality to sell anything you want online.

[1:25:31] And you can do that because Squarespace offers beautiful templates created by world-class designers

[1:25:36] with free and secure hosting and nothing to patch or upgrade ever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:40] Nothing ever.

[1:25:41] Dan, that all sounds fantastic.

[1:25:43] And it's super helpful to me because I actually have a website idea that I wanted to get off the ground.

[1:25:46] Oh, that's cool.

[1:25:46] I'm super excited about it.

[1:25:47] This is your first website, right?

[1:25:48] You've never made one before.

[1:25:49] I've never made one before.

[1:25:51] I've never even had an idea for one before.

[1:25:52] But now I do Inspired by the Movie.

[1:25:54] And it's called jamslammer.com.

[1:25:56] Okay.

[1:25:57] And it's like, I was inspired by Slamma Jamma, all these amazing dunks.

[1:26:01] And it reminded me, people love the taste of jam.

[1:26:03] And they also love taking shots.

[1:26:06] So what if there was a kind of like Blue Apron style thing that would send you shot glasses preloaded with jam

[1:26:14] so that you could just slam them down in delicious flavors.

[1:26:18] And, you know, we've got mulberry.

[1:26:19] We've got blackberry.

[1:26:20] We've got gooseberry.

[1:26:22] We've got a bunch of heirloom berries.

[1:26:25] Apple, pear, beef.

[1:26:27] Is that a jam?

[1:26:28] It is now.

[1:26:29] And so it's kind of marmalades to fit in there.

[1:26:31] So jamslammer.com would be your place where you would sign up.

[1:26:35] Every month you would get three different shot glasses full of jam a month.

[1:26:39] And then you just slam them down and tell us how you like it.

[1:26:42] And we try to tailor it to you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:43] Well, Elliot, I got some good news.

[1:26:45] According to a quick Google search, jamslammer.com is available.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:50] Wonderful.

[1:26:51] And so, Dan, Squarespace can help me with that?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:54] Oh, sure they can.

[1:26:55] Now, hold on one second, though.

[1:26:56] I want to ask.

[1:26:57] Now, this jam slamming that you do, do you just do that?

[1:27:02] Do you just have the jam alone?

[1:27:05] Or do you like have the jam, you slam the jam, and then you eat a little toast or biscuit right afterwards?

[1:27:12] So the flavors all sort of merge in your mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:14] Or maybe a salmon.

[1:27:15] Will you slam a salmon afterwards?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:17] I mean, if it's salmon jam, then you could just slam the salmon in the jam.

[1:27:21] Okay.

[1:27:22] It's just a salmon jam slam.

[1:27:23] But yeah, Dan, you'll get little bits of bread, occasionally maybe like some pickle juice.

[1:27:28] So you can do like a pickle jam, we call it, where you do a shot of jam and then you do a shot of pickle juice.

[1:27:33] Okay.

[1:27:33] And you just want to mix those flavors and see what comes out, you know?

[1:27:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:39] See what comes out.

[1:27:42] So go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:27:45] And when you're ready to launch, use your offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:27:55] And one small note, before we get into Jumbotrons, I just want to do a little shout out to a listener, Mike Galato.

[1:28:03] His brother informed me he's very ill.

[1:28:05] Our hearts are with you.

[1:28:06] Oh, man.

[1:28:06] I'm sorry.

[1:28:07] Yeah.

[1:28:08] But I just want to say thanks for listening and we hope you feel well.

[1:28:14] Yes.

[1:28:16] But Elliot, I believe you have a Jumbotron to read.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:19] I do have a Jumbotron.

[1:28:21] This is a Jumbotron that's a message for Nathan.

[1:28:23] And the message is from Emily.

[1:28:25] So if you're named Nathan and you know someone named Emily, this is a message for you.

[1:28:30] Probably.

[1:28:31] And the message is, happy birthday to a smart, cultural droll and debonair man who will still always be 12 days younger than me.

[1:28:38] Thanks for introducing me to the peaches.

[1:28:40] That's for Nathan from Emily.

[1:28:41] Happy birthday, Nathan.

[1:28:42] Oh, happy birthday, Nathan.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:45] Yeah.

[1:28:47] But so that's our sponsorship section.

[1:28:49] But there's more.

[1:28:51] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:51] There's so much more.

[1:28:53] You think they talked about Slamma Jamma for seven hours.

[1:28:56] How could there be more?

[1:28:56] But there is.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:57] Dan?

[1:28:58] Before we move on, we've got a couple of live shows that we should let the folks know about.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:03] Oh, so people can see us in person and tell us that we are totally wrong about our review of Slamma Jamma.

[1:29:09] Yeah.

[1:29:09] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:11] The first show is actually happening.

[1:29:14] Happening.

[1:29:15] It's happening.

[1:29:17] The first show is actually real happening.

[1:29:19] Oh, yeah.

[1:29:20] No, it's happening at Stuart and my alma mater, Earlham College.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:27] We get to return to the place of our meeting.

[1:29:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:29:33] We get to return to our college.

[1:29:34] Like conquering heroes.

[1:29:34] Yep, like a couple of heroes doing a victory lap where we're going to turn our fucking chairs around and rap to all the kids.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:42] And, yeah, I'm scared of...

[1:29:45] I'm scared of talking to college students.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:47] It's part of the artists and lecture series.

[1:29:49] Dan, don't worry.

[1:29:50] Your bits about political correctness gone wild and stuff will just go over super well.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:57] Yeah, yeah.

[1:29:58] Now, are we artists or are we lecturers?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:00] I think we're lecturers.

[1:30:01] We are.

[1:30:02] I think we're lecturers, but we lecture about artists.

[1:30:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:06] Now, Dan, are you worried that Antifa is going to protest our appearance?

[1:30:10] Is that how you pronounce it?

[1:30:12] What is it?

[1:30:13] Well, people say Antifa, but that makes it sound like it's an ant, like my antifa.

[1:30:18] I don't like that.

[1:30:19] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:19] Yeah.

[1:30:20] Yours makes more sense for what it's shortened up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:23] Well, it's similar to how it should be Magneto, but everyone says Magneto.

[1:30:26] Yeah.

[1:30:27] So, Dan, when is this show at Earlham?

[1:30:29] I cannot, and I genuinely cannot wait to see where you guys met and had your formative experiences

[1:30:35] where Stuart, I assume, made his first corral, where Dan first, I guess, grew a sadness beard.

[1:30:42] Stuart, what were you going to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:43] I was going to say, and I just want to throw this out there, Dan will be available that evening

[1:30:47] for all the cool parties.

[1:30:49] Uh-huh.

[1:30:49] Yeah.

[1:30:50] Dan's really fun, everybody.

[1:30:52] So, make sure he's available, he doesn't have plans yet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:56] He will not be a creepy guy hanging out with college students.

[1:30:57] It's not.

[1:30:58] Yes, he will be.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:59] So, if there's a sorority on campus, get Dan there.

[1:31:01] It seems weird now, but when you're in the moment, you're like, it's not that weird.

[1:31:04] We're all, like, cool adults.

[1:31:07] Yeah.

[1:31:07] Remember how cool they were in old school?

[1:31:09] Oh, wait a minute.

[1:31:10] It's going to be like that.

[1:31:10] I just got an email from Earlham, and they said, we can't come now.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:14] Well, until it was canceled.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:16] Dan, when is this show happening?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:18] It is happening on Saturday, November the 3rd of this year at 7.30 in the evening, and

[1:31:27] tickets are on sale now.

[1:31:29] You can get them for $10.

[1:31:31] It's open to the public.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:33] And is it in the same theater that you were the lead in Hair?

[1:31:37] I don't think so.

[1:31:39] I think-

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:39] If it is, then Dan, please don't take your clothes off.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:42] He didn't take his clothes off in the production of Hair.

[1:31:46] Original production.

[1:31:46] That's right, because the lead doesn't do it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:48] When you originated the role.

[1:31:50] Yeah.

[1:31:51] But, Dan, then you probably should take your clothes off if you didn't get to during that

[1:31:54] production.

[1:31:55] Yeah.

[1:31:56] So, if you want to see us perform live at Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana, and see

[1:31:59] Dan with no clothes on, that's the Flophouse, November 3rd.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:03] Yeah, and if you, you know, just, we'll have it up on the website, but also if you Google

[1:32:08] Earlham, which is pronounced, it's pronounced, which is spelled Earl Ham and Flophouse, you'll

[1:32:15] find it.

[1:32:15] In Richmond, Indiana.

[1:32:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:19] So, I would like to say we have another live show just a couple months after that one.

[1:32:24] In the beginning of the new year, we're going to be appearing at the University of Wisconsin-Madison

[1:32:29] on Saturday, January 26th, 2019 at 8 p.m. in the Wisconsin Union Theater, I believe it

[1:32:36] is.

[1:32:36] And it's another college show.

[1:32:38] Should be pretty fun.

[1:32:39] That's my sister's alma mater.

[1:32:41] So, I have kind of a connection with it, I guess.

[1:32:44] Cool.

[1:32:44] And Dan, just get your state capitol dome jokes ready, because you know what it means.

[1:32:49] Madison has the largest state capitol dome in the whole country.

[1:32:53] Oh, okay.

[1:32:53] I think we're going to probably make some hay out of that.

[1:32:56] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:58] Watch out.

[1:32:58] Yeah, in your face, Madison.

[1:33:00] With your...

[1:33:01] What are you trying to compensate for with that giant dome?

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:05] Oh, man.

[1:33:06] Wait, I'm holding Dan back.

[1:33:09] No, Dan.

[1:33:10] Dan, don't let him have it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:12] Save it.

[1:33:12] So, that'll be fun, and come out to see us in January if you're in the Wisconsin-Madison

[1:33:16] area.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:17] That's crazy.

[1:33:18] Two Midwest-y shows, huh?

[1:33:20] That's nuts.

[1:33:21] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:22] We're going to be...

[1:33:23] It's called our flyover tour.

[1:33:25] Yeah.

[1:33:27] Actually, it's not called that.

[1:33:27] Two dates.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:29] I think, assuming that we can...

[1:33:31] Two months apart.

[1:33:32] I hate to make this promise now, but assuming that we can sell merch, we'll have the

[1:33:36] last bit of our 2018 tour merch available at those two shows.

[1:33:41] Great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:42] That sounds great to me.

[1:33:43] Guys, those are our live shows, but I have something else that's coming up even right before

[1:33:48] those live shows that I want to tell the people about.

[1:33:52] Look, I have a book coming out.

[1:33:55] That's true.

[1:33:56] And I'll tell you what it's all about.

[1:34:00] Horses.

[1:34:01] They pull our wagons, carry our cowboys, and eat our hay.

[1:34:05] But are they really just very big dogs?

[1:34:07] Dogs.

[1:34:08] They protect our homes, chase our cats, and keep our faces moist.

[1:34:12] But is it possible they're just tiny baby horses?

[1:34:15] Find out in Horse Meets Dog, the new book by writer Elliot Kalin and illustrator Tim Miller.

[1:34:20] Horse Meets Dog.

[1:34:21] Which side will you be on?

[1:34:23] Available October 30th, wherever you buy your books.

[1:34:25] So that's a picture book that I wrote, and it was illustrated by the great Tim Miller,

[1:34:28] who's best known, I think, for the Snapseed, the alligator books.

[1:34:31] And it's available October 30th this year.

[1:34:34] So go wherever you want to buy books, at your local independent bookstore or whatever, and go buy it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:38] Where would it, what section of the Barnes & Noble booksellers would I find it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:43] In the children's book section.

[1:34:44] Okay.

[1:34:45] It is a children's picture book.

[1:34:47] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:48] Not the other picture book sections.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:51] Not in the adult picture book section.

[1:34:53] Which I guess is just that Go the Fuck to Sleep book.

[1:34:55] And like dirty parodies of children's books.

[1:34:59] Wait.

[1:34:59] Like Where the Wild Things Fart and stuff like that.

[1:35:02] And the very horny caterpillar.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:04] Yeah.

[1:35:05] It's not in self-help slash sexuality.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:08] No.

[1:35:09] Or in religious studies.

[1:35:11] It's not in that either.

[1:35:12] Neither is it in home improvement.

[1:35:14] Okay.

[1:35:15] Or the show home improvement.

[1:35:16] Or the show home improvement.

[1:35:18] Neither is it in fiction and literature.

[1:35:20] And you're like, which is which?

[1:35:21] Barnes & Noble.

[1:35:22] Just call them all one or the other.

[1:35:23] But yeah.

[1:35:24] Horse Meets Dog.

[1:35:25] October 30th.

[1:35:25] My first picture book.

[1:35:26] Very excited about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:29] Oh man.

[1:35:30] There were so many plugs.

[1:35:31] Mm-hmm.

[1:35:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:35:33] Just like a balding man.

[1:35:33] What are we?

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:33] The top of an aging man's head?

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:35] Yeah.

[1:35:36] There you go.

[1:35:36] Oh, Dan.

[1:35:36] We went to the same place but in different ways.

[1:35:38] Yep.

[1:35:40] You took the high road.

[1:35:41] I took the low road.

[1:35:42] And I got to Scotland before ye.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:45] This first letter that we're going to respond to is from Brian.

[1:35:50] Last name withheld.

[1:35:52] Brian Cox.

[1:35:53] Who writes.

[1:35:54] Wow.

[1:35:55] Dear Purvisoid number one, Purvisoid West and Stu.

[1:35:59] Mm-hmm.

[1:36:00] Long time listener, big fan.

[1:36:01] Thanks for helping me get through brush patches.

[1:36:04] I picked up three packs.

[1:36:05] Thanks for listening.

[1:36:07] You're.

[1:36:08] I wasn't thanking you, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:11] Why not?

[1:36:12] I'm a listener.

[1:36:13] I was thanking Brian Cox.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:15] I picked up three packs of.

[1:36:17] Striker from X2.

[1:36:19] I picked up three packs of Gremlins 2 trading cards to send you all for the holidays.

[1:36:23] But my young nephew was so fascinated by them that I gave them to him instead.

[1:36:28] That's better.

[1:36:29] I'm sorry.

[1:36:30] It's not the gospel.

[1:36:30] But it's adorable.

[1:36:31] I'm planning on sending you something else soon to make up for it.

[1:36:34] Now for my question.

[1:36:35] I recently had to watch Jaws for an assignment in my screenwriting class.

[1:36:39] Oh, rough.

[1:36:41] I had.

[1:36:43] I had.

[1:36:44] Yeah.

[1:36:44] What a piece of garbage.

[1:36:46] I had.

[1:36:47] I had forgotten how much I love the USS Indianapolis monologue in the movie, but also how little

[1:36:52] it does to actually advance the main plot.

[1:36:55] It's a nice long character moment three-fourths of the way through a movie about blowing up

[1:36:59] a shark.

[1:37:00] What are some of your favorite moments?

[1:37:02] I like that description of Jaws.

[1:37:03] A movie about blowing up a shark.

[1:37:05] I mean, is it?

[1:37:06] It is, right?

[1:37:07] Yeah.

[1:37:08] What are some of your favorite moments from movies that aren't there to advance the main

[1:37:11] plot line of that movie?

[1:37:13] That's from Brian, last name with help.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:15] I would say that his, that true that that scene doesn't advance the plot, but it does

[1:37:20] build tension and advance the theme of the movie, which is sharks are bad.

[1:37:26] So Brian Cox, you may be a famous actor, but I take a little bit of issue with it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:31] I mean, he says doesn't advance the plot, though.

[1:37:33] That doesn't, he's not saying that the scene doesn't belong in the movie.

[1:37:38] That's a fair point.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:40] Do you guys want to answer first or should I answer first?

[1:37:43] The one that sprung to my mind, I mean, there's like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:46] Don't answer my question.

[1:37:48] Just keep to start.

[1:37:49] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:49] There's obvious ones like, I don't know, like the Dybbuk story in A Serious Man or something

[1:37:53] like that.

[1:37:54] The one that sprung to my mind was, it advances the plot, but in an unnecessary way.

[1:38:01] And that's the long fight scene in They Live.

[1:38:04] Like, it is key that he gets those sunglasses onto Keith David so, you know, we know, like

[1:38:11] the heroes come together in knowing that the villains exist.

[1:38:16] But it doesn't have to happen in the format of a 8 to 11 minute knockdown drag out fight

[1:38:23] in the back of an alleyway.

[1:38:27] But the movie would be all the less rich for it if they cut that out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:31] Yeah.

[1:38:32] I mean, I think, I don't want to anticipate what Elliot's going to say, but I'm pretty sure

[1:38:39] the correct answer to this is the claymation hamburger scene from Better Off Dead.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:46] I have a similar answer, but that is a great scene.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:49] It is a scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the movie, doesn't advance the themes,

[1:38:54] and simply just gives us some Van Halen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:57] So, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, not Monty Python and the Life of Brian, I'm sorry.

[1:39:02] Monty Python and the Holy Grail, every scene is about not advancing the plot, which I like.

[1:39:06] But in Life of Brian, which is the most plot-centric in the Monty Python movies, I love the moment

[1:39:11] when he falls into an alien spaceship and it just flies around space for a little bit and

[1:39:17] then crashes and he gets out.

[1:39:18] And it starts with him being chased.

[1:39:20] He falls into a spaceship, which is itself chased.

[1:39:23] It crashes, he gets out, and the chase continues.

[1:39:25] And so, it has not helped him or hurt him at all that this happened.

[1:39:28] It's just this brief moment of like, we need something for Terry Gilliam to do in this movie.

[1:39:32] So, we'll have an alien come along.

[1:39:35] And I just love how gratuitous and arbitrary it is.

[1:39:38] Now, I also wanted to mention my least favorite movie scene that doesn't advance the plot.

[1:39:43] For a movie I love, I got two words for you.

[1:39:45] Ghost blowjob.

[1:39:46] Not a fan of that scene.

[1:39:47] Not necessary.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:49] You don't think it advances the plot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:51] What part of the plot is it advanced?

[1:39:52] It shows that ghosts are horny.

[1:39:55] Which does not pay off in any, I guess it pays, actually.

[1:39:57] It totally does.

[1:39:58] You know what?

[1:39:58] It pays off later when Dana is trying to have sex with Bill Murray and then does with Robert

[1:40:03] Robert McManus.

[1:40:04] So, you're right.

[1:40:05] It sets that, it plants that seed of horny ghosts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:09] I mean, this is, and this is not, I'm a big fan anytime movies incorporate scenes where

[1:40:15] characters are eating or like doing little life touches.

[1:40:19] I don't know.

[1:40:20] It's not specific.

[1:40:21] But like, I just like it when characters prove that they're human.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:27] Those long pooping scenes, that's what Stuart loves.

[1:40:30] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:31] Or normal length pooping scenes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:36] What is normal length for a pooping scene?

[1:40:38] Like, Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber?

[1:40:40] Like, is that long or is that normal length?

[1:40:42] That's a good question, Tan.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:46] Moving on.

[1:40:48] This next letter is titled, I was six years old when your podcast started.

[1:40:53] Oh, chilling.

[1:40:54] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:55] Feel old yet?

[1:40:56] Chilling.

[1:40:56] Wanna feel old?

Dan McCoy

[1:40:58] It was from Hannah, last name withheld, and it goes, Tana.

[1:41:01] Oh, Montana.

[1:41:02] Yeah.

[1:41:03] What up, Nectarines?

[1:41:05] I started listening a few months ago and I wanted to let you know that your podcast is

[1:41:08] hip with the kids.

[1:41:09] I rated five and a half dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

[1:41:13] Okay.

[1:41:13] Finally after...

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:14] Story checks out.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:16] Yeah, that's what a kid would say.

[1:41:17] Finally, after years of parental control, hi, Mom, I've been allowed to partake in the

[1:41:22] forbidden fruit, peaches, if you will, that is the flop house.

[1:41:25] I guess 17 is the appropriate age for lengthy conversations about wormy boners.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:30] I just realized, are we like listening to a fucking dirty comedy album when your parents

[1:41:37] aren't around and giggling?

[1:41:39] Yeah, I think so.

[1:41:41] Gross.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:45] She continues, it's kind of surreal listening to the recommendations from some of the earlier

[1:41:49] episodes.

[1:41:50] One of my earliest movie memories was seeing WALL-E in theaters, and Elliot's recommendation

[1:41:55] of Coraline reminded me of how much that film traumatized me and my sisters when we were

[1:41:59] younger.

[1:42:00] So thanks for creating a hilarious time capsule.

[1:42:03] Unrelated question.

[1:42:05] What are some of your favorite SNL skits?

[1:42:07] Sincerely, Hannah, last name with help.

[1:42:09] I mainly picked that letter to make us all feel really old.

[1:42:12] Uh-huh.

[1:42:12] It's nice.

[1:42:12] Yeah, thank you.

[1:42:13] Appreciate it.

[1:42:13] Yeah.

[1:42:15] But, I mean, we can answer the question while we're at it.

[1:42:17] Mm-hmm.

[1:42:18] Any favorite SNL skits that you remember?

[1:42:22] Did you just call them skits?

[1:42:24] Yeah.

[1:42:25] I think she did.

[1:42:27] Yeah, because he's trying to make fun of them.

[1:42:28] No, I know.

[1:42:29] She used the word skits, so I was just-

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:32] She used skits, but she's a teenager.

[1:42:33] You're a comedy professional.

[1:42:35] I'll write sketches, for God's sakes.

[1:42:37] Thank you.

[1:42:38] I would say, I've always been-

[1:42:40] I mean, I grew up when I was-

[1:42:42] So, Hannah, I'll have you know that when I was a kid, it was during the heyday of the

[1:42:46] Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers era, or as I would know, the best era of Saturday

[1:42:51] Night Live, because it's when I was a kid.

[1:42:53] And so, something that's always meant a lot to me was the unfrozen caveman lawyer sketch,

[1:42:57] because it's such a ridiculously convoluted premise, but they pull it off in such a straightforward

[1:43:01] way, and it's really funny that he is a caveman who is actually very clever, and has

[1:43:06] become a lawyer, and uses the fact that he's a caveman, and people will assume that he is

[1:43:10] dumb, to get what he wants.

[1:43:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:15] I had a hard time with this.

[1:43:17] I like weird Jack Andy sketches.

[1:43:20] Like, there's one that I looked up earlier today that's funny, but it's not as good as

[1:43:28] I remembered.

[1:43:29] It's called Tales of Fraud and Malfeasance and Railway Hiring Practices, which is such

[1:43:34] a Jack Andy name for a sketch.

[1:43:36] And it's one of those sketches that's just like a list of things, basically.

[1:43:40] Like, this guy asking the person he's hiring whether he'd be willing to do various things

[1:43:46] to get a job, and it's just a list of absurd things.

[1:43:49] And the way that Jack Andy's very good at doing.

[1:43:52] It's the type of sketch I love.

[1:43:54] It's not quite the right one.

[1:43:56] So I'm not sure I know the best answer for this.

[1:43:59] I do remember I really enjoy...

[1:44:02] Oh, fuck.

[1:44:04] What's his name?

[1:44:06] I don't know if you really enjoy it.

[1:44:07] The Celebrity Hot Tub sketch.

[1:44:10] Oh, with Eddie Murphy?

[1:44:11] Yeah.

[1:44:12] The James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub.

[1:44:15] Yeah.

[1:44:16] That's fun.

[1:44:17] We're just going, Hot Tub.

[1:44:18] Yeah.

[1:44:19] That's hot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:22] Can I list commercial parodies in here?

[1:44:24] Sure.

[1:44:26] Well, Cluckin' Chicken is great.

[1:44:28] Yeah.

[1:44:28] Oh, yeah.

[1:44:29] That's the other one I was thinking about.

[1:44:30] I don't think anything has made me laugh harder as a child than the stupid Cluckin' Chicken skit.

[1:44:38] I don't remember that one.

[1:44:40] What is it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:40] What's that cooking at the Cluckin' Chicken?

[1:44:43] That's me.

[1:44:45] First they cut off my head.

[1:44:47] Oh, okay.

[1:44:47] Yeah.

[1:44:49] Then they pull out my feathers and entrails.

[1:44:51] Trust me, you don't want to eat those.

[1:44:53] Eat it.

[1:44:54] Ouch.

[1:44:54] He takes you through your eating it and then pooping it out.

[1:44:59] And then he looks into the toilet and goes, ga-ga-going.

[1:45:03] That's great.

[1:45:04] That's great.

[1:45:04] If you want great chicken, just follow my head.

[1:45:07] Because his bleeding, decapitated head is bouncing around.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:11] And there's a sketch, a commercial parody that I reference a lot with my wife.

[1:45:17] It's the car, the Chameleon.

[1:45:21] Oh, yeah.

[1:45:21] It's a parody of that commercial where they have a marble roll around all the contour lines of a car.

[1:45:29] And the idea is this car looks like a shitty, beat-up old junker.

[1:45:35] But on the inside, it's a super fancy car.

[1:45:38] And, yeah, so they put the marble on and it rolls down into a rust hole.

[1:45:44] And the locking mechanism makes the suspension collapse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:52] That's similar.

[1:45:52] I like, they had great car ads.

[1:45:55] And one of the ones I always liked was the Adobe, the car that's made out of clay.

[1:45:58] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:00] Well, this has been our Reminiscence Corner.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:02] Remember this, the podcast.

[1:46:04] Yeah.

[1:46:05] I mean, that is most podcasting.

[1:46:05] You must remember this, colon SNL.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:11] This is from Michael, last name withheld.

[1:46:14] Myers.

[1:46:16] Wow.

[1:46:17] Weird that he's writing.

[1:46:18] He's usually such a silent guy.

[1:46:19] Wait, Michael Myers, the killer from Halloween?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:21] Or Mike Myers, the Saturday Night Live alone?

[1:46:24] It's the same guy.

[1:46:26] Want to feel old?

Dan McCoy

[1:46:29] He writes, what's up, peaches?

[1:46:32] This mail is entirely for Stuart.

[1:46:35] Dan and Elliot can go suck an egg.

[1:46:37] Wow.

[1:46:37] Just one egg, though.

[1:46:38] Already up to it.

[1:46:40] Mmm, good eggs.

[1:46:43] Stuart.

[1:46:44] Okay.

[1:46:44] Did you know that there's a place in Cork, in Ireland where I live, called Castle Freak?

[1:46:50] No joke.

[1:46:50] It's a woodland surrounding the original Castle Freak, a castle owned by the Freak family.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:58] So, I'm assuming this is some kind of weird invitation.

[1:47:01] Should I do it?

[1:47:04] Should I go?

Dan McCoy

[1:47:04] If you go there and you sleep in that castle, it's yours.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:07] Oh.

[1:47:08] If I can sleep in the castle for one night and don't rip off your own ding dong, then yeah,

[1:47:12] you get the castle.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:13] Oh, okay.

[1:47:13] I mean, the stakes are high, but I think I'm up for it.

[1:47:17] So, I'll see you there.

[1:47:19] Who was that?

[1:47:20] Michael Myers?

[1:47:20] I'll see you there, Michael Myers.

[1:47:23] Okay.

[1:47:25] I guess we should do a live show there, huh?

[1:47:28] At Castle Freak?

[1:47:29] Yeah.

[1:47:30] Yeah.

[1:47:31] LA, get on that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:33] Okay.

[1:47:33] I'll work on that, because I have contacts there, I guess.

[1:47:37] Dan, what's the name of the guy who sent the letter?

[1:47:39] Make it so.

[1:47:39] Michael Myers?

[1:47:40] Okay.

[1:47:40] Make it so.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:43] Last letter is from Sam, last name withheld, who just writes, which Muppet are each of

[1:47:48] you?

[1:47:48] Sorry if this has been asked before.

[1:47:50] I feel like this has been discussed somewhere before, but I don't think it's been asked on

[1:47:54] the show.

[1:47:55] I'm probably animal.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:57] Yeah.

[1:47:57] At least that's what my hair looks like now.

[1:48:00] And I'm kind of a gonzo type, but also a fozzy.

[1:48:03] And I'm about as easy to understand as animal.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:09] And Dan, I always assumed you were one of those singing cows that's with the Monomena

[1:48:12] guy.

[1:48:15] That's right.

[1:48:17] Now, Dan, you're clearly the Kermit.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:19] Yeah.

[1:48:20] I was going to say that, but it's boring.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:21] You're Kermit, and Hodgman is Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

[1:48:26] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:29] And Hallie would be...

Dan McCoy

[1:48:30] Yeah, I was trying to think of that, but it's hard.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:33] She's kind of Miss Biggie, but she's also kind of Janice.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:35] Yeah.

[1:48:35] You can think of the equal point in between those two points.

[1:48:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:42] When I was a kid, I did not care for Miss Piggy.

[1:48:45] And now, as a grown-up, I'm like, she's the best character.

[1:48:50] I mean, you're just so turned on by her.

[1:48:51] She's the hero of this story.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:53] No, I agree.

[1:48:55] Yeah, I found her very irritating as a child.

[1:48:57] And now, as an adult, I find her hilarious.

[1:48:59] Yeah.

[1:49:02] I let it shake his head.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:02] That's how I feel about a lot of Doonesbury.

[1:49:09] You find...

[1:49:10] You find it hilarious now, but as a kid, I was like, what is this garbage?

[1:49:13] Get it out of here.

[1:49:15] Like, where's Opus?

[1:49:17] Why are there no talking animals?

[1:49:19] Why is this guy ripping off Bloom County?

Dan McCoy

[1:49:22] So that's Letters, guys.

[1:49:24] And that means that we're to our last segment, which is where we recommend movies that we saw and enjoyed.

[1:49:30] And it's been a fucking while since we did one of these shits.

[1:49:33] It's been a long time.

[1:49:34] We may be a little off on this episode because we haven't recorded for over a month.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:38] I thought we were hot.

[1:49:40] Okay.

[1:49:42] I'm covering a long pause.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:45] I'm covering all of our bases.

[1:49:46] I only felt slightly rusty, but I think that's because I didn't get a lot of sleep because of the baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:51] Oh, because Elliot was doing it.

[1:49:53] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:55] If I do in it, you mean soothing a baby, then yes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:58] That's not that hard, though, right?

[1:50:00] You just pop in some fucking movies and chill out, like put on cars or something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:04] I mean, if you mean my other son, then yes, that is exactly what you do.

[1:50:09] We're always like, Sammy, let's have a movie night.

[1:50:12] Like, okay, yeah, what movie are you going to watch?

[1:50:13] Cars 3.

[1:50:14] Sammy, we're not watching Cars 3 again.

[1:50:16] We watched it so many times now.

[1:50:18] Okay, so what movie are you going to watch?

[1:50:21] Cars.

[1:50:22] Like, Sammy,

[1:50:23] I don't think you understood.

[1:50:24] We don't want to watch Cars.

[1:50:25] Okay, then how about Cars 3?

[1:50:26] Sammy!

[1:50:27] So, loves those Cars movies.

[1:50:30] So, what are you guys going to recommend, Tom?

[1:50:32] Yeah, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:34] I'll recommend a movie that I saw a ways back that is called Body Bags,

[1:50:40] or otherwise known as John Carpenter's Body Bags, which was...

[1:50:43] In theaters now.

[1:50:45] No.

[1:50:46] It was meant as a pilot for a Showtime anthology series to take on something like Tales from

[1:50:57] the Crypt on HBO.

[1:51:00] And it has John Carpenter himself as a sort of Crypt Keeper character doing wraparound segments

[1:51:07] where he's a mortician and he's, you know, overacting like hell, acting silly.

[1:51:16] There's three segments to it.

[1:51:20] There is the...

[1:51:21] I forget the names of them.

[1:51:24] There's one called...

[1:51:25] There's one set at a gas station.

[1:51:27] I think it's called Gas or something like the gas station.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:29] According to Wikipedia, that one is called The Gas Station.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:32] Okay, so it's very simple.

[1:51:33] The second one is called Hair, I think.

[1:51:35] And the third one is called The Eye.

[1:51:36] Is that correct?

[1:51:37] It just says I here.

[1:51:38] But yeah, I'll give it to you.

[1:51:41] And I would recommend watching the two ones directed by John Carpenter, which are the first

[1:51:45] two, and ignoring the one directed by Toby Hooper at the end, even though it has a very committed

[1:51:50] performance by Mark Hamill.

[1:51:53] The second one is very goofy.

[1:51:58] It has...

[1:51:58] It's about Stacey Keech wanting hair, thinking that he's not virile without having hair and

[1:52:04] the lengths to which he goes to get hair.

[1:52:07] And honestly, I would...

[1:52:09] If I was sequencing this like a record, I would put that before the gas station, because

[1:52:16] the gas station is the one that's the one that I really enjoyed.

[1:52:21] And that one...

[1:52:21] That's actually...

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:21] That's the worst, is when the best part of an anthology is the first one.

[1:52:26] Is the first one.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:26] Yeah.

[1:52:27] Yeah.

[1:52:27] I was like...

[1:52:28] When I was watching it, I'm like, this is going to be great.

[1:52:30] This is going to be fantastic.

[1:52:31] And then it was just a slow dive for the rest of the movie.

[1:52:35] But the gas station is a traditional slasher set around a gas station.

[1:52:42] But it's done with...

[1:52:44] But it's Sean Carpenter.

[1:52:45] And he's experimenting with the way he uses space.

[1:52:49] And he sets up spatial relationships.

[1:52:51] And you know the geography of the gas station.

[1:52:54] And he uses the first half of the segment to set up things that are going to pay off in the

[1:53:02] second half.

[1:53:03] And it's just a fun exercise in style.

[1:53:06] And if you like John Carpenter a lot, you're going to enjoy seeing him doing that.

[1:53:11] Not like an amazing movie by any strike.

[1:53:13] But especially if you're a John Carpenter fan, it's worth checking out.

[1:53:17] Yeah.

[1:53:18] Elliot, what do you got?

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:20] I am going to recommend a movie that is an HBO movie.

[1:53:25] So it's only available on HBO.

[1:53:26] But maybe it'll be...

[1:53:28] I don't know if it got a theatrical release.

[1:53:30] But if it did, maybe you'll see it somewhere else.

[1:53:33] But it's an HBO movie.

[1:53:34] And it's called The Tale.

[1:53:36] And it stars Laura Dern and Alan Burstyn and a bunch of other people.

[1:53:39] And it's written and directed by Jennifer Fox.

[1:53:41] And it's about...

[1:53:42] It's based on the true story of her mother finding a story that she had written as a teenager

[1:53:48] that detailed her relationship with a grown man when she was 13.

[1:53:53] And kind of how realizing as an adult what an abusive relationship it was and how wrong

[1:54:01] it was kind of starts to affect her.

[1:54:04] And I thought it was really good and really powerful.

[1:54:07] Laura Dern is fantastic in it.

[1:54:09] And the movie is...

[1:54:10] What?

[1:54:10] She's only fantastic in everything.

[1:54:13] Amazingly, Laura Dern, one of the greatest actresses, is fantastic in it.

[1:54:16] But there's some neat things that they do with playing around with kind of film elements

[1:54:23] that reminded me slightly of the movie The Stories We Tell, but in a much more harrowing way.

[1:54:29] And the movie, like the dialogue in it is very on the nose.

[1:54:33] But that's something that started out bothering me.

[1:54:35] But then it kind of became very...

[1:54:38] I don't know.

[1:54:38] It started really working for me because it felt like this story is not being sensationalized at all.

[1:54:44] It's being presented very straightforwardly.

[1:54:46] And it's up to you to kind of like be there with Laura Dern's character as she kind of tries to treat it as if it was just this thing that happened.

[1:54:56] And realizes more and more like, no, this is a wrong thing and something terrible was done to her when she was young.

[1:55:01] So it's not a fun watch.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:07] I'm going to recommend a movie with a movie with a slight caveat because it was directed by friend of the podcast, Chris Weitz.

[1:55:22] And that's his new movie, which I think is still playing in theaters now.

[1:55:26] Yeah, it's still out here.

[1:55:28] Called Operation Finale, which is a historical, almost like a historical heist movie about Mossad agents sneaking into Argentina to capture Adolf Eichmann and take him back to Israel for trial.

[1:55:44] And it is like a more fun movie than I thought it was going to be going into it.

[1:55:51] And not all the thriller parts work, especially in the like the last third of the movie.

[1:55:58] But the I think the early stuff really shines and the scenes with the scenes with Oscar Isaac and Ben Kingsley are just great.

[1:56:08] Like I'm a big fan of those.

[1:56:11] Big surprise.

[1:56:12] Those two guys can act well and have a lot of charisma.

[1:56:15] And it and it has a surprisingly good performance from Nick Kroll.

[1:56:22] Not like knocking him.

[1:56:23] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:24] He's not.

[1:56:24] What a slap in the face to Nick Kroll.

[1:56:26] I mean, I guess, you know, we briefly met him and he seemed like a perfectly nice guy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:32] No, but like I wouldn't you wouldn't if you were to say like, oh, yeah, there's this historical thriller.

[1:56:38] Nick Kroll's in it.

[1:56:40] You wouldn't.

[1:56:40] I don't know.

[1:56:41] Like he's he's a guy mainly known for comedy and this is not a comedy.

[1:56:45] That's what I meant.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:46] But he's a dramatic turn from Nick Kroll.

[1:56:48] It works.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:49] Thanks for saving me.

[1:56:50] I don't know.

[1:56:51] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:52] I mean, I didn't.

[1:56:53] I threw you under the bus.

[1:56:54] I apologize.

[1:56:55] It's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:56] Under the bus is kind of where I live.

[1:56:59] The but no.

[1:57:01] So Operation Finale, Chris Weitz.

[1:57:04] Yeah.

[1:57:05] It was I think in his words, us going to see that or he had a we got to, you know, all the

[1:57:12] full disclosure, all my cards on the table.

[1:57:15] We went to an early screening, which I think in his words was his way of preventing us from

[1:57:21] doing an episode on it.

[1:57:23] But we would not because we liked it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:25] Have you guys become Moriarty from Ain't It Cool News now?

[1:57:28] Basically, where you like being invited to see movies in order to curry favor?

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:34] Oh, yeah.

[1:57:35] We can be bought.

[1:57:36] We can totally be bought.

[1:57:37] And Dan's using his new position to pull Harry Knowlesian bullshit on people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:42] Oh, no.

[1:57:43] Don't do that.

[1:57:43] Come on.

[1:57:44] Come on, Stuart.

[1:57:45] I'm just joking.

[1:57:46] But he's so gross.

[1:57:48] Something I want to make clear, I should say the movie I recommended, The Tale, I would

[1:57:51] say I'm not if ever there was something that might need like a trigger warning on it.

[1:57:58] I would I would warn people it is not in.

[1:58:01] It doesn't pull any punches.

[1:58:02] So just be ready for it to not be a super easy experience to watch.

[1:58:07] I don't want anyone being like, oh, I heard this is a really good movie about this woman

[1:58:11] realizing she was abused.

[1:58:12] It should probably be pretty fun.

[1:58:14] And not having fun during it.

[1:58:16] So don't have fun during it.

[1:58:18] It's a rough watch.

[1:58:19] That's really good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:22] Now what do we do, Dan?

[1:58:23] Well, usually we sign off.

[1:58:24] Do we get to watch Slamma Jamma again?

[1:58:27] Yeah, we can.

[1:58:28] I mean, you'll be free to go.

[1:58:29] You can do whatever you want in this life.

[1:58:31] It's still it's on.

[1:58:32] It's available on Amazon Prime.

[1:58:33] So I guess we can check that out.

Dan McCoy

[1:58:36] Sure.

[1:58:36] But Elliot wanted to say a few things before we go.

[1:58:40] Hey, guys.

[1:58:41] Yeah.

[1:58:41] Should I just take it away, Dan?

[1:58:43] Yeah, take it away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:43] Listeners, after over 10 years of doing this podcast, we've decided it's time to start getting

[1:58:49] the word out about this podcast.

[1:58:51] So I want to introduce a new kind of Flophouse contest, a not vaguely defined contest, but

[1:58:57] in fact, a very clearly defined contest.

[1:58:59] So stealing a page from probably something some other podcast does.

[1:59:02] I want to say that the weekend this episode comes out, Slamma Jamma, I am going to ask

[1:59:08] you to tweet about it or tweet about the Flophouse using the hashtag Flophouse.

[1:59:12] And if you do, within that two day period of Saturday and Sunday, the weekend this episode is released, if you tweet about it with the hashtag Flophouse, I'm going to enter you into a drawing to win the chance to pick up a movie that we see coming up.

[1:59:26] Now, Dan, something I meant to talk to you about is after Smallvember comes Shocktober.

[1:59:30] Is it okay if someone picks a horror movie for us for Shocktober?

[1:59:33] Or do you want to keep that pure as the driven snow?

Dan McCoy

[1:59:35] Let's keep that pure in like June, November, because we have nothing scheduled for November.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:40] I thought that was Sandalvember where we only watch Adam Sandler movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:59:44] You've been trying to get this started for three years now, four years?

[1:59:47] I don't know.

[1:59:49] Not going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:51] Okay, so this is your chance, everybody, to save us from Sandalvember, the month where we have to watch Adam Sandler movies, unless you are so cruel that that's what you're going to pick.

[2:00:00] But tweet about us this weekend that this episode comes out, the hashtag Flophouse, and you'll get a chance to pick the movie that we watch first in November.

[2:00:09] And please, the only thing I ask you is let's make it a pretty recent movie that we can have pretty easy access to.

[2:00:16] My worry is that someone will be like, I won.

[2:00:18] Okay, there's this movie that I saw on a shelf at my local video store once in 1986.

[2:00:23] I want you to find it and tell me what happened to it.

[2:00:25] We can't do that.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:26] I wouldn't, I mean, I would say it doesn't have to be recent as long as it's available for us.

[2:00:32] Okay, as long as it's readily available.

[2:00:34] If it's available, like, and you check on streaming, if it's available on iTunes, you know, or Amazon Prime or whatever, we should be able to do it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:43] Okay, so with that in mind,

[2:00:44] just tweet about the show this weekend, this episode comes out, and with the hashtag Flophouse, and you'll get to choose what we watch when Smallvember and Shocktober are but memories.

[2:00:54] And if things go well, then maybe we'll do this again, right, Dan?

[2:00:58] I had a great time.

[2:00:59] Maybe we can do this again sometime.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:00] Yeah, and I would say, in addition to that, tweet about us when it's not for a contest.

[2:01:05] I mean, why not go over to iTunes and leave us a good review?

[2:01:09] Please don't leave us a bad review.

[2:01:10] Why would you spend your, waste your few hours on this earth putting someone else down?

[2:01:17] And Dan, should we say, Dan?

[2:01:20] No, I had nothing else.

[2:01:22] Just give us a good review if you feel so inclined.

[2:01:25] And where can they follow us on Twitter, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:28] It is, I believe it is theflophousepod on Twitter?

[2:01:32] Yes, it's at theflophousepod.

[2:01:34] So, yeah, tweet about us whenever you want.

[2:01:36] Follow us on Twitter at atflophouse, at theflophousepod.

[2:01:39] Leave us a review on iTunes or wherever you get podcasts.

[2:01:42] And you know what?

[2:01:43] I would say, when you're done with this episode, why not check out some other great show on Maximum Fun?

[2:01:46] There's a lot of great Maximum Fun shows.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:49] That sounds great.

[2:01:52] So, thanks for doing the show with me, guys.

[2:01:55] We're still doing the show.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01:56] Cool.

[2:01:56] Stuart's been checking his emails.

[2:02:00] I got a lot of emails.

[2:02:01] Yeah.

[2:02:02] So, it's been great, guys.

[2:02:04] It's been so long since I've seen my man, Elliot.

[2:02:06] Dan, I see you a lot, but you're great.

[2:02:08] Thanks.

[2:02:09] So, yeah, for the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[2:02:13] Okay, we're doing it this way, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:14] I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:02:16] And I'm Elliot Kalen, loving every minute I get to spend with my friends.

[2:02:19] Bye, guys, when they're crammed into a tiny corner of Dan's new apartment because he's trying to keep his second bedroom pristine for some unknown purpose.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:26] Good night, everyone.

[2:02:27] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:40] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[2:02:41] I can't be there.

[2:02:41] I want to see it someday.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:43] Well, you're kind of seeing it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:45] I mean, I'm seeing one tiny corner and a sad lamp.

[2:02:48] But other than that, not really.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:50] That's not a sad lamp.

[2:02:50] That's Dan.

[2:02:53] I don't know why.

[2:02:55] Stuart, you're so much louder than me.

[2:02:57] I'm trying to just...

[2:02:58] I mean, I think that's just my fang.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03:00] Yeah, Dan, I think you're just...

[2:03:01] Is it measuring charisma?

[2:03:03] Whoa.

[2:03:04] Ouch.

Dan McCoy

[2:03:08] Maximumfun.org.

[2:03:09] Comedy and culture.

[2:03:10] Artist owned.

[2:03:11] Listener supported.

[2:03:12] Thank you.

Ep. #266 - Slamma Jamma

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