Ep. #267 - Dwegons and Leprechauns

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Dweegons and Leprechauns.

[0:06] Guys, I hate life.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:37] Oh, hey, guys. It's me, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:39] Hey, hey, hey, Elliot Kalin, and I apologize that that came off sounding like the Fat Albert tagline, which I did not mean.

[0:46] I apologize. I in no way support Fat Albert or Fat Albert, nor the creator of Fat Albert, nor the alien version Fat Albert,

[0:56] who hangs out with his own crew of alien misfits.

Dan McCoy

[1:01] Fat Albert is in the gift shop looking for Fat Albert license plates.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] Fat Albert is on the bottom shelf, and he's $5 less than Fat Albert.

Dan McCoy

[1:15] Yeah. All right. Well...

[1:19] So I'm Elliot Kalin is what I'm saying.

[1:21] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23] So welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:26] Woo!

Dan McCoy

[1:27] Now, Stuart, you seem tired. Are you tired?

Stuart Wellington

[1:29] Hey, man, you know, I don't know. Maybe sometimes you just had a thing hit you in the eyeballs over and over,

[1:38] and you're left reeling, almost senseless, and then you have to do a podcast about it.

[1:44] Okay. Sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:47] Oh, you're talking about the movie.

[1:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] Yeah, Dan, what do you think it was about, like, paintballs? I don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[1:52] Yeah, I was really worried for Stuart for a second.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54] Yeah, I wear protective eyewear when I go paintballing.

[1:57] I was given no such warning when watching the movie Dwee Gons and Leprechauns.

[2:03] Now, guys, I did some... I prepared some stuff for this movie.

[2:09] Oh, wow.

[2:09] Yeah, actually.

[2:11] Okay. Wonderful.

Elliott Kalan

[2:13] So...

[2:13] Wait, first, before you do that, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[2:16] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:19] Stuart, back to you.

Stuart Wellington

[2:20] Okay, so...

[2:21] Kick things off.

[2:22] Uh, Dwee Gons and Leprechauns.

[2:25] What?

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] Okay.

[2:28] So that's the prepared material.

[2:29] Sure.

[2:30] Yeah.

[2:30] That's good stuff.

[2:31] That's good stuff.

[2:32] Uh, Stuart's reaction is the accurate one to Dwee Gons and Leprechauns.

[2:36] Now, normally we would dick around a while at the top of this podcast, but I feel like

[2:41] there's no dicking around that is more dicking around than talking about the movie Dwee Gons

[2:45] and Leprechauns, which, uh, Dan, how did this movie come to your attention for Smallvember,

[2:50] the month where we look at small movies?

Dan McCoy

[2:52] Uh, because it's Small Timber, the month that we look at small movies, I was looking around

[2:58] for, uh, options way in advance because it needs to be something that we can all get our

[3:02] hands on, even if it's small.

[3:04] And, um...

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] That was a weird way to put that.

[3:09] A best case scenario, we are chasing a mouse.

Stuart Wellington

[3:14] And Dan's sitting here looking at, looking at the microphone, saying that with a completely

[3:20] earnest look on his face.

[3:21] And by earnest look, I mean like late actor, uh, Jim, uh, Jim...

[3:25] Barney.

[3:26] Barney.

[3:26] Thank you.

[3:27] Jim Barney.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] Um, no.

[3:33] This movie, uh, was one of the rare occasions that, uh, I took, uh, listener's advice.

[3:40] That's right.

[3:40] I usually don't pay attention to the listeners, but in this case, I did.

[3:44] You hate them.

Elliott Kalan

[3:45] You consider them to be beneath you.

Stuart Wellington

[3:48] I looked at the, uh...

[3:49] Yeah, you usually only acknowledge a listener when you are deleting comments.

[3:56] Those sheep, he mutters to himself as he hits the delete button.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Anyway, one of the listeners, uh, wrote in with this as a recommendation.

[4:05] One of the listeners, Rodan.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:08] One of the listeners, Rodan, sent me a portrait of myself, a, a, a sculpture of myself in the

[4:15] nude.

Stuart Wellington

[4:15] Okay.

[4:16] And a portrait?

[4:17] He did both of those things?

Dan McCoy

[4:18] No, I was a, a portrait, a sculpture portrait.

Stuart Wellington

[4:21] Okay.

[4:21] A portrait of a sculpture?

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:23] Okay.

[4:24] I mean, that makes sense.

[4:25] I mean, that sounds like Rodan.

Elliott Kalan

[4:28] I thought he was a giant pterodactyl.

[4:30] My, my, my mistake.

[4:31] I apologize.

[4:32] Dan, so a listener wrote in and said, you got to watch this Dwegan's and Leprechauns movie.

[4:35] And then, do they include a cyanide capsule with the email?

Dan McCoy

[4:40] Uh, I wish I could, I should go back and see if I can find that, uh, Dwegan's and Leprechauns

[4:45] letter, actually, now that you say that.

Stuart Wellington

[4:47] Uh, but...

[4:48] It's, it's signed, Cipher comma Lewis.

[4:52] Wait a minute.

[4:58] He got us again.

[4:59] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] So, yeah, guys, what, what the hell?

[5:04] So, it's gonna take us a little bit of time to parse Dwegan's and Leprechauns, a movie

[5:08] that, I'll just say right off the bat, there's almost no Leprechauns in this movie.

[5:11] Let's just say that right there.

[5:13] Uh, and Dwegan's, what are they?

[5:15] Well, let's find out, shall we?

[5:18] Should we enter the magical, not at all grotesquely designed world of Dwegan's and Leprechauns?

[5:23] Guys, you ready?

[5:24] Can you ever be ready?

Stuart Wellington

[5:26] Uh, so, just to pull back the curtain, now that we watch the movies, basically on our own

[5:32] at this point.

[5:33] Yes.

[5:33] And never have I felt more alone than watching Dwegan's and Leprechauns.

[5:38] But, so, I made the decision, uh, after getting home from work at 5.30 in the morning on Friday.

[5:46] Perfect time.

[5:47] To just strap in.

[5:49] You know, maybe it was, maybe it was the half a bottle of tequila coursing through my veins.

[5:52] And I'm like, you know what?

[5:54] I'm gonna pour myself a bowl of cereal, pop on Dwegan's and Leprechauns, and do my night

[6:00] lotion before bed.

[6:02] And, I gotta say, I don't remember a lot of that first, that first experience.

[6:08] So, you're gonna have to help me out.

[6:09] You're gonna have to hold my, my hand, which is very soft because of my night lotion routine.

[6:13] Oh, it's lovely, yeah.

[6:15] Uh, and you're gonna have to walk me through these early scenes.

[6:17] I think something takes place in the Old West times.

Elliott Kalan

[6:20] Dwegan's and Leprechauns.

[6:21] Yes, you are right.

[6:21] Now, Dwegan's and Leprechauns, we should say, is a computer-generated animated film.

[6:26] Now, this means that a computer was forced to make this thing in what I can only assume

[6:32] will someday be a technology crime when artificial intelligence gets its legal rights.

[6:37] Uh, but the movie begins in the year 1849.

[6:40] The Gold Rush is in full swing.

[6:42] And we're in an Irish wagon camp in the Old West.

[6:45] The animation is already horrifying.

[6:47] It's like, what's it called when it is animation that you assume, like, someone submitted this

[6:54] to be the example for the demo for a very cut-rate animated program.

[7:00] And the person who was judging the demos was like, this is not good enough for this program

[7:05] that we're selling for $3.99 to animate your own movie.

[7:08] And they said, okay, well, I'll make my own movie out of it.

[7:10] What would you call that?

Dan McCoy

[7:12] Yeah, Dan.

[7:12] What would I call that?

[7:14] Yeah, what's that called?

[7:15] That huge, big expression that you came out with?

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:19] You're a talented editor, Dan.

[7:21] You can chop that down.

[7:22] Paragraphs and clauses.

Elliott Kalan

[7:23] Okay, so I guess I don't know.

[7:24] So, anyway, little Billy Fitzgerald, he's an Irish immigrant, he gives a bunch of donuts

[7:29] to this camp of little troll things that are camped out right outside the wagon train.

[7:34] And they save him from a bear using a slingshot.

[7:37] And what happens is a bear jumps up behind Billy.

[7:40] The Dwegan or whatever shoots it with a slingshot.

[7:43] And then the bear is suddenly, who knows how far away over a cliff and falls through a log and off a cliff.

[7:48] It's like, it's so borderline incoherent already.

[7:52] And the Dwegan say to Billy, hey, what's your family, the Fitzgeralds?

[7:56] Well, from now on, the Fitzgeralds will be friends of the Dwegan's forever.

[8:00] And they give him a gold Dwegan coin as a keepsake.

[8:03] That's my gift to you just for ordering.

[8:06] And you don't have to keep what you ordered, but you get to keep the gold coin.

[8:09] And $14.99 manufacturers suggested retail value.

Stuart Wellington

[8:13] I know from watching a lot of Judge Judy that that constitutes a binding verbal agreement.

Elliott Kalan

[8:21] And you also know that you should not pee on someone's leg and tell them it's raining.

[8:25] As we've talked about before on this podcast, it's not a good way to get out of that situation.

Stuart Wellington

[8:29] And also that Judge Judy seems to know baloney when she hears it.

[8:33] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[8:35] Now, I don't want to, we've introduced the Dwegons.

[8:38] And I know that, you know, everyone on Earth obviously is familiar with everyone's favorite characters, the Dwegons.

[8:44] Yeah, we don't need to explain what the Dwegons are, right?

[8:46] They're everywhere.

[8:47] But for the one person who's been under a rock and to whom the word Dwegon might seem like the sheerest gibberish,

[8:56] we should explain to that one unlikely person what the Dwegons are,

[9:00] which is they're basically big faces with spindly legs and arms coming off of them and wings.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] It's like if someone took Mr. Potato Head, threw him in that vat of radioactive waste

[9:13] that the guy falls in at the end of Robocop, and then pulled him out of the waste

[9:17] and then hit him with a hammer a bunch of times.

[9:20] What you'd end up with is basically a Dwegon, except for the one Dwegon who's a rock and roll babe,

[9:25] who looks like a kind of sexy baby doll, where the bottom half is a lizard.

[9:30] I guess they were saying...

Stuart Wellington

[9:31] And the reason you're saying a sexy baby doll is because she has multicolored, super long eyebrows.

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] Yes, and also sings kind of inappropriate metal ballad type, 80s hair metal ballad type songs about...

[9:44] Like that song about wanting to have sex with a donut?

[9:46] Yeah, that's one of the ones I'm thinking about.

[9:49] So we learn more about Dwegans as they go on, but basically, yeah, radioactive mutant Mr. Potato Heads

[9:54] that look like, sometimes look kind of like anti-Jewish caricatures from Nazi literature,

[10:00] and sometimes just look like hideous monsters.

[10:03] But they're the heroes.

[10:04] And as we will learn later, Dwegans, here's the things you need to know about them.

[10:07] One, they live underground.

[10:09] Two, they mine for gold.

[10:11] Three, they love donuts.

[10:13] Donuts.

[10:14] I don't know what a donut is.

[10:15] I apologize.

[10:16] Fat Alport and donuts are my...

[10:18] I'm really pulling a bunch of Dans today, and I don't know why.

[10:23] So they mine for gold, they live underground, they love donuts, and they alternately solve problems

[10:29] and make problems a thousand times worse, depending on what they're doing at the moment.

[10:33] So we cut to the present.

[10:36] And Billy, that little boy, he's long dead.

[10:38] That was 170 years ago.

[10:40] His great-grandson, who is now an old man, has a horrifying pet cow that he keeps in his house,

[10:46] and he talks to one of the lead Dwegans, Nosy Threehorn, who is...

[10:51] He says he's a reporter for the Dwegan Inquirer.

[10:53] Now, we never see him being a reporter.

[10:56] Did you guys expect to, at some point, see him doing his job?

[10:58] Because I did, and it never happened.

[11:00] Thoughts?

Dan McCoy

[11:01] Well, his reporter persona is really just a cover for his super Dwegan persona.

[11:08] Oh, I see.

Elliott Kalan

[11:09] I see.

[11:10] Mild-mannered Nosy Threehorn is actually just super Dwegan.

[11:13] And with the power to, what, be the worst of them?

[11:15] Be the grossest of them?

[11:17] Yeah, be the most unpleasant.

Stuart Wellington

[11:18] And he's the main character, Dwegan, right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] Yeah, he's the main Dwegan.

[11:22] He's like, oh, wow, guy, come on, let's do this thing.

[11:24] He talks like that, you know.

[11:26] Okay.

[11:27] And the old man, this is a children's movie, scene two.

[11:30] The old man flings a pancake so hard that he dies of a heart attack.

[11:35] And Nosy is so tearful, and his grief is so funny.

[11:39] And with his dying words, the old man says, contact my relatives.

[11:44] And then we get the opening titles, Dwegons and Leprechauns.

[11:48] So we're in the magical world of Dwegons.

[11:50] Just to remind you again, we've seen a little boy almost killed by a bear.

[11:53] And we've seen an old man die of a heart attack because he threw a pancake too hard.

[11:56] So that's the magical, whimsical world of Dwegons.

Stuart Wellington

[12:00] Well, and it's also, it's captured in like amazingly realistic animation.

[12:05] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] Yeah, yeah.

[12:07] There are times when you're watching a current modern day Pixar movie, and you're like, this

[12:10] looks so real.

[12:12] Why even bother doing it as animation?

[12:14] I wish I could see something that had a little bit more stylized exaggeration.

[12:17] And then I saw Dwegons and Leprechauns, and I was like, oh, boy.

[12:20] Did I wish on a monkey's paw?

[12:22] What happened?

Dan McCoy

[12:24] I think that the one thing that should not be done is cheap computer animated movies.

[12:31] Like done on the podcast?

[12:34] No, just done as a thing.

[12:36] We should do as many of them on the podcast as we possibly can.

Stuart Wellington

[12:39] I don't think we could possibly do any more, Dan.

[12:43] I'm going to have to check with my shop steward, but I think this is a breach of my contract.

Dan McCoy

[12:49] I'm just saying that you can have beautiful shots in a live action, low budget film.

[12:55] You can even make a hand-drawn animated film that's lovely for cheap, but you cannot make

[13:04] a cheap computer animated movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:06] What about those beautiful shots of the lovingly rendered shots of the San Francisco city line?

[13:12] Mm-hmm.

[13:13] Yeah, what about those, Dan?

[13:14] Yeah, Dan.

[13:15] What about that?

Elliott Kalan

[13:16] With the ocean that looks like a bunch of bubble wrap that's just kind of moving up and down

[13:23] in a sort of simulation of ocean currents?

[13:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] So much so that you're like, did Spike Jonze swede this sequence?

Dan McCoy

[13:32] The other thing that just disturbs me about the animation in this is that the adult characters

[13:38] and the kid characters, like the human characters, I mean to say, they all walk like the characters

[13:45] in the Money for Nothing video.

[13:47] They all have that kind of movement.

[13:48] That's what bothered you about them?

Elliott Kalan

[13:51] Was it the fact that their facial features don't seem attached to each other?

[13:54] Yeah, I'm halfway through the sentence.

[13:57] Let's wait till it reaches its terminus.

[14:00] I'm going to need a conjunction here, Dan, or at least a semicolon.

[14:03] Let me know.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] While the Dwee-Gons moved like they were weird claymation critters, like there was like this

[14:13] fluid animation with the Dwee-Gons that didn't exist with the humans.

[14:17] Too realistic.

[14:19] But it was like, yeah, it was like creepy the way it came off.

Elliott Kalan

[14:23] There's a moment later on when Griso, the Dwee-Gon who loves cars and lives in a house made out

[14:28] of car engines, dances for just like a second.

[14:31] He just does that kind of like breakdancing move where your arm does a sine wave and it

[14:36] continues onto your other arm.

[14:38] And it was horrifyingly fluid in a way that I could not accept.

[14:42] It was really gross.

[14:43] So I understand exactly what you're saying, Dan.

[14:46] But yeah, this was the first time I was watching this movie.

[14:49] I was like, I miss the visual coherence of Food Fight.

[14:53] And maybe it's just because I'm looking at it in retrospect.

[14:56] But I was like, as ugly and weird as Food Fight was, the characters like occasionally

[15:01] moved like characters in a movie as opposed.

[15:04] And like, I don't know.

[15:05] It was just like, maybe, you know what?

[15:07] I guys, I got to rewatch Food Fight to see if that's actually true.

[15:09] You guys want to watch it with me?

Stuart Wellington

[15:11] I feel like I want to write a handwritten letter to Sherlock Gnomes and apologize because

[15:19] that is a startling feat of human creation.

Elliott Kalan

[15:25] Sherlock Gnomes looks great.

[15:27] I mean, and especially, but like, that's a professional movie.

[15:29] And compared to this, it's like, I agree with you, Stuart.

[15:32] If you can write my name at the bottom of that apology note, that'd be great.

[15:37] Dan, you want to get in on this apology action?

[15:40] Ah, they know what they did.

[15:42] Oh, wow.

[15:42] Okay.

[15:43] Okay.

[15:43] Ah, the old Sherlockian, still angry at Sherlock Gnomes.

[15:46] Yeah.

[15:47] Okay, guys.

[15:48] So, Nosy, he knows what he needs to do.

[15:50] He goes to a council meeting at the Dwegan Lounge Club in Gold City.

[15:53] And after a very long conversation, they decide to find the relatives.

[15:59] Which, all, so the Dwegans, they kind of look like 3D mushy versions of like the blue meanies

[16:04] from Yellow Submarine, except horrible.

[16:07] And it's kind of like, and every Dwegan has its own accent and personality.

[16:11] You've got your Southern Belle Dwegan.

[16:13] You've got your English rocker chick Dwegan.

[16:15] You've got your Dwegan who loves cars.

[16:18] You've got your computer nerd Dwegan.

Stuart Wellington

[16:20] I felt like half of them had Brooklyn accents, but maybe I'm just projecting.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] And most of them had Brooklyn accents.

[16:24] I mean, they all, most of them kind of sounded like this.

[16:27] We're Dwegans.

[16:28] Yeah.

[16:29] That's what, with this California accent.

[16:31] Yeah.

[16:32] Because they're in California.

[16:33] And here's this, there are a couple moments where I'm like, what is going on in this movie?

[16:37] And this is one of them where they have this long council meeting scene where the joke

[16:41] is that the elderly leader of the council has to keep looking in the book of Dwegan and then

[16:47] coming to the same conclusions that Nosy already came to about how they've got to contact these

[16:51] relatives.

[16:52] And then another Dwegan walks in with a tray of French fries and goes, who wants French fries?

[16:56] And you hear a voice from off screen go, oh yeah.

[16:59] Scene abruptly ends.

[17:02] And I was like, is that a joke?

[17:04] Was that a punchline to the scene?

[17:05] I don't understand.

[17:07] Like, I don't understand how that minute, that moment, I don't understand how it connected

[17:10] to anything else.

[17:12] And it's like, as we learned later, Dwegans love donuts.

[17:14] Why were French fries there?

Stuart Wellington

[17:18] So, I mean, that's just a natural act break, right?

Dan McCoy

[17:21] I guess so.

[17:23] Also, the Dwegans are all like, they're hanging out in this like club kind of place that

[17:27] has like a bar there and that's decorated.

[17:31] A real nightclub.

[17:32] Yeah, I know.

[17:33] But it felt like a nightclub to me.

[17:36] Like, it felt like the few times that I've like, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[17:39] The few times you've been to a nightclub.

Dan McCoy

[17:41] Yeah, I've been to a place like that.

[17:43] And it just felt very strange to me to have that emotional recall of that experience while

[17:52] watching a children's movie.

Stuart Wellington

[17:53] Yeah, okay.

[17:54] I can see that.

[17:54] Yeah, the idea of like how you bring a certain, like you bring your experiences with you when

[18:00] you watch a movie.

[18:02] Yeah, that's really insightful, Dan.

[18:04] Okay.

[18:04] Thanks.

[18:05] And it kind of changes the whole experience of the movie.

[18:07] All right.

[18:09] I like how Stuart-

[18:10] Something that maybe even the filmmaker hadn't intended.

Elliott Kalan

[18:12] Yeah, I like how Stuart has insulted you by bringing up, I guess, spectator theory.

[18:19] You got served, Dan.

[18:20] So anyway, the Dweegans, I guess, get in touch with the Fitzgeralds.

[18:24] I don't understand how.

[18:25] And Pete Fitzgerald, the old man's, what, nephew, shows up with his son, Timmy, his grandma.

Stuart Wellington

[18:31] And he's the one who wears the, like, Letterman jacket that says Chicago on it.

Elliott Kalan

[18:35] Yes, yeah, to show he's from the big city, I guess.

[18:38] And he's still reliving his glory days since he is a middle-aged man who is a widower who's

[18:43] still wearing his varsity jacket.

[18:45] But, because I'll tell you guys, glory days, they'll pass you by.

[18:48] Glory days.

[18:49] Oh, I've never heard that.

[18:50] In the blink of a young girl's eyes.

Stuart Wellington

[18:51] Glory days.

[18:52] Did you just come up with that on, right now?

Elliott Kalan

[18:55] Yeah, I just made that up.

[18:56] Also, Born in the USA.

[18:57] That was, I did, I made that up.

Stuart Wellington

[18:59] Oh, that sounds so patriotic.

Elliott Kalan

[19:01] Yeah, yeah, it's not, though.

Stuart Wellington

[19:02] I do like how, I do like how this dad, this dad character.

[19:07] His name is Pete.

[19:08] Yeah, in lieu of, sure, Pete, I guess.

[19:13] In lieu of giving him an actual, like, cleft chin, they just had, like, there's like a weird,

[19:19] slightly off-colored stripe down his chin that kind of looks like the facial markings that

[19:24] most aliens have in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Elliott Kalan

[19:27] Yeah, well, I assumed he had, like, a Maori tattoo from his years abroad.

Stuart Wellington

[19:31] Sure.

[19:32] Yeah, that's what he did for his spring break, is he went to New Zealand and got a Maori tattoo.

[19:37] Like, when I was in high school, you know, way back in the Stone Age, people would go to Mexico.

[19:42] More like the Stone Age, right, Stuart?

[19:44] Oh, don't tell my boss, I'll get fired.

[19:49] Self-employed.

[19:49] But I'll check with my shop steward, and I'll make sure I stick around.

[19:54] All the kids went to Mexico and came back with, like, cool braided hair.

[19:58] Well, that was probably the same thing, right?

Elliott Kalan

[20:00] Yeah, yeah, very much so, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:02] Cool, so my bit's done.

[20:04] It's okay.

[20:04] You have a bit.

[20:05] Let's all bounce past the ball to you, fundamentals.

[20:08] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[20:10] Dan, do you want to talk about the family's weird cat that they bring with them?

[20:15] I mean, it's a Persian cat.

[20:17] That doesn't mean it's weird.

[20:19] No, I mean, it is so frighteningly designed and animated.

[20:21] Its head is, it looks like something out of Hausu, and then it disappears after, I think,

[20:26] two scenes.

Dan McCoy

[20:28] Oh, yeah?

[20:29] I might have missed that part because I also watched this movie late at night, and I had

[20:33] dozed off for a little right around this point, and then I woke back up.

Elliott Kalan

[20:38] Well, let me fill it in then.

[20:39] Okay.

[20:40] So they go to the house.

[20:41] Pete is planning on turning it into a rustic, lovely country inn to make some money because

[20:45] they don't have any money, and while they're driving there, they're almost run off the

[20:48] road by a Euro trash couple in a sports car, and the couple talk about how they're going

[20:52] to rob a museum on their honeymoon, and they're like just, I mean, they're so fake Eastern

[20:57] European that I assumed they were going to turn into vampires at some point.

[21:01] When they get to the house, it literally has a rainbow over it, and Missy, their neighbor,

[21:05] who's an interior designer, and it's implied was close friends with the old man and maybe

[21:09] had sex with him.

[21:10] It's never quite clear to me.

Stuart Wellington

[21:12] She looks like a first pass at a farmer's only dating app ad.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] Yeah, and she's just way too comfortable in this old man's house, which is decrepit.

[21:24] As she describes it, keep in mind this is a children's movie, she says, this house is messier

[21:29] than a bull with a spastic colon.

[21:30] And then not too long after that, the grandma tells Peter, keep your panties on, Peter.

[21:35] And I was like, what children is this movie for?

[21:38] These are okay lines.

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] Yeah, and the fact that the, I'm going to skip ahead a little bit.

[21:44] Well, spastic colon, that joke's for the adults, you know?

[21:46] It's like how Pixar sneaks in some adult material.

Elliott Kalan

[21:49] They always sneak in their uncontrollable shitting jokes.

Dan McCoy

[21:55] No, what I was saying was that the whole crime subplot, like this movie suffers from that disease

[22:03] that family comedies had in the 80s, where it's like, there has to be diamond or drug smuggling

[22:08] involved somehow.

[22:10] Like it's got to come in in the third act kind of to be the conflict, because we don't actually

[22:14] have any other conflict, which is what happens here in Dweegans and Leprechauns too.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] In the 80s, they were like, kids love three things, diamond or drug smuggling, getting

[22:23] mistaken for a spy, and corporate intrigue.

[22:27] Kids love making sure that corporations don't fall into the hands of the wrong guy.

[22:31] Dan, you were going to say?

[22:31] Sorry, I interrupted you.

Stuart Wellington

[22:32] No, no, no.

[22:33] I forget.

[22:34] And that's why the Dweegans exist, is they're the sugary syrup to help the other stuff go

[22:43] down.

Elliott Kalan

[22:43] Oh, I assume it's the opposite, that the jewels thieving is in there as the sugar to help kids

[22:48] swallow the Dweegans, which should not be swallowed.

[22:55] So the house is so decrepit that old man's pet bowl is still in it.

[22:59] I assume he's just been roaming around eating the old man's corpse.

[23:03] Timmy rides the bull, and the bull, having served its purpose in the plot of the movie,

[23:08] disappears never to be seen again.

[23:10] I assume it's ascended to heaven with the old man.

Stuart Wellington

[23:12] And now you're probably listening to Elliot describe the movie, and you're like, this,

[23:16] Elliot's description is so jerky and strange, like it has no narrative cohesion.

[23:22] Well, that's kind of how the movie feels.

[23:24] Like, it feels like a string of shots that have nothing to do with each other, and are just

[23:28] edited in, like, willy-nilly.

Elliott Kalan

[23:31] You know how when people are planning screenplays, they'll put index cards on the wall, and each

[23:35] index card is a beat in the film?

[23:37] This feels kind of like all those cards fell off the wall, and then, like, a vacuum cleaner

[23:41] accidentally sucked up half of them.

[23:43] And then they were like, we gotta get the movie made, just throw those cards up on the wall.

[23:46] And they didn't know the order that they were putting them in.

[23:48] And they made the movie off of that.

[23:50] Because, let's get back to the house.

[23:51] It's dangerously a dip crepit.

[23:53] The dad literally falls through the floor and has to be lassoed by Missy and dragged back

[23:58] up again.

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] Perfect place for a country inn.

[24:00] They use the bull, right?

[24:02] They use the bull to help drag him out.

[24:04] That's what the bull is.

[24:05] He was almost out of the hole when she lassoed the bull, which seems crazy.

[24:08] He could have just climbed the rest of the way.

Elliott Kalan

[24:10] Yeah, it seems strange.

[24:11] So, the Dweegans decide, we're gonna help the Fitzgeralds, but we're gonna do it secretly,

[24:15] so that they'll just think their luck has turned around.

[24:18] Why?

[24:18] I don't know.

[24:19] Dweegan logic.

[24:20] What are you gonna do?

[24:21] Those Dweegans.

[24:22] Now, I know it's not PC to say this about Dweegans, but...

[24:25] Oh, wow, uh-oh.

[24:26] Let me be real for a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[24:28] Elliot's on one of his tears again.

Elliott Kalan

[24:30] Let me just say what everyone's afraid to say about Dweegans, which is that they're obsessed

[24:34] with luck.

[24:35] And it's like, that's crazy, dude.

[24:37] Just take credit for the nice thing you're doing.

[24:39] Because the Dweegans say, we're gonna keep ourselves a secret, but then they reveal themselves

[24:44] to every member of the family within, like, a day.

[24:47] Let's get to it.

[24:47] But first, that cat gets mad at a Dweegan, and the southern bell Dweegan bronco busts

[24:52] that cat.

[24:52] The cat, again, having served its function in a comedic scene, disappears, vaporized, having

[24:58] accomplished its goal on Earth.

[25:00] No need for that frightening, hairy cat to be around.

[25:03] Okay.

[25:03] Yeah.

[25:04] Quick scene.

[25:04] Quick scene for Timmy.

Dan McCoy

[25:06] We're missing all these scenes where the kid's wishing things into the corner.

[25:09] They just got cut from the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] Timmy, we got a brief moment where he asks his dead mom to help from heaven.

[25:18] That goes nowhere.

[25:19] Thanks, Dweegans and leprechauns.

[25:21] The Dweegans, they try to hide a pile of gold nuggets around the house so the humans will

[25:25] stumble on it, but the humans just can't seem to see it.

[25:28] They are so blind.

[25:30] The Dweegans, they just have to get in to help.

[25:32] And of course, computer Dweegan, who has a chin like a scrotum, but his bright purple,

[25:37] he decides to-

Stuart Wellington

[25:38] I feel like all of them have skin that's basically like the texture of an orange, right?

[25:45] Yeah, yeah.

[25:45] I can see that.

[25:46] It's all oddly lumpy.

Elliott Kalan

[25:47] Now, if I was being complimentary about-

[25:49] If I was like this movie's parent and I wanted to take an insult and turn it into a compliment,

[25:53] I'd be like, well, it's a riot of textures.

[25:56] It's a riot of color and texture.

[25:59] A real-

[26:00] It challenges the eye from moment to moment.

Dan McCoy

[26:02] It's a riot of people doing, overdoing their voice acting by about 75%.

Elliott Kalan

[26:08] And so this computer Dweegan, he buys their furniture by hacking into a furniture auctions

[26:13] server and changing the prices.

[26:15] Now, guys, his computer skills are going to come in pretty handy later, so I'm glad they

[26:20] put this in here to foreshadow it.

[26:21] Meanwhile, okay, these Russian mobsters who live and work in a warehouse, they want to

[26:26] steal some jewels, the Prague Sun, the Pride of Prague, which is going to be at the San Francisco

[26:31] Historical Museum, which seems like it's kind of outside the purview of the San Francisco

[26:35] Historical Museum.

[26:37] I don't know how the crown jewels of Prague enter into San Francisco's rich and storied history,

[26:42] but, you know, I don't know the whole history of San Francisco, the Golden City.

[26:45] So perhaps Prague is big there.

[26:48] Now, here's a mistake.

[26:49] Now, the bad guy's accent makes the word jewels sound like Jews.

[26:53] So for a while, I thought he was talking about stealing the Jews of Prague, and I was like,

[26:56] this movie got crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] Yeah, I was, I was, I took the early precaution to throw on those closed captions.

[27:04] Good idea.

[27:05] Yeah, that helped out that department.

Elliott Kalan

[27:07] They should have called this movie Dweegans and Captions, because they're very necessary

[27:10] for understanding it.

[27:11] And you guessed it, those young lovers we saw earlier are going to be hired by the mobsters

[27:16] to steal the jewels.

[27:18] Their names are Vlad and I think Katiana.

[27:21] That's possible, yeah.

[27:22] Yeah.

[27:23] Grandma, she's, she catches a Dweegan trying to steal a donut.

[27:27] She's cool with it.

[27:28] She feeds him pancakes.

[27:29] Meanwhile, Timmy's exploring the basement and meets Nosy.

[27:32] Nosy takes him to the platform that you go do to get to Dweegan land or Gold City, whatever

Dan McCoy

[27:37] it's called.

Elliott Kalan

[27:38] Now, allow me to explain the science of this, because it's pretty complicated, but it makes

[27:42] sense when you work it out.

[27:43] So he's shot with, quote, a harmless rainbow laser beam, which shrinks Timmy down to Dweegan

[27:51] size.

[27:51] And the way you do it, Dan, do you remember the magic words?

[27:54] You say Dweegan twice?

[27:56] You say Dweegan to shrink, and to get big, you say Dweeg off.

[28:00] Oh.

[28:01] But before he says Dweegan, Nosy says-

Stuart Wellington

[28:04] Wait, then what the fuck does Dweeg mean?

Elliott Kalan

[28:07] I don't know, because it doesn't make sense.

[28:10] Later on, they named the hotel the Dweeg Inn, and everyone's just like, yeah, Dweeg Inn.

[28:13] Make sure, make sense.

[28:14] Yeah, Dweeg.

[28:15] I don't get it.

Stuart Wellington

[28:16] Yeah, when they decide to name the fucking place the Dweeg Inn, they first say, no one

[28:22] can know about us.

[28:24] You have to keep our existence secret.

[28:26] And then they're like, they name the place after themselves?

Elliott Kalan

[28:29] And then they're always hanging around.

[28:30] Like, they don't do a very good job hiding themselves.

[28:33] But you do have a kid yelling, Dweeg off, which sounds like a curse in a movie set in

[28:39] the future, or something like that.

[28:41] They go to Dweegan land.

[28:42] It's a magical place.

[28:43] Timmy almost falls to his death off a rickety bridge right away.

[28:47] And we find out that Dweegan land is powered by rainbow energy.

[28:51] So there's a brief moment, Missy and Grandma talk about the death of Pete's wife and how

[28:54] Pete is lonely.

[28:55] We all know that he's going to hook up with Missy.

[28:57] It has to happen.

[28:58] And then we go back to Nosy's tour of Dweegan land, which I'll just say this.

[29:02] I admire the way this movie handles Dweegan land in that this tour explains their energy

[29:09] uses, their transportation, their housing.

[29:11] The entire utility infrastructure of Dweegan land is explained.

[29:16] And kids love that.

Stuart Wellington

[29:18] Kids love learning.

[29:19] They also cover the fact that Dweegans respect their elders.

[29:22] You know?

[29:22] Yeah.

[29:23] That's true.

[29:23] It's not a bad thing to grow old.

[29:25] In fact, it's celebrated.

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] There's this weird part where he goes, yeah, this is the best houses for the old people.

[29:30] The elders get the best of everything.

[29:31] And it's like, are you trying to make me feel bad, Nosy, for prioritizing youth in my media?

[29:38] Dan, how did you feel about it?

[29:39] Dan, as someone who's rapidly getting older, how did you feel knowing that in the Dweegan

[29:44] city you'd be celebrated?

[29:46] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[29:47] Well, I missed that part, but that sounds pretty good.

[29:50] How do I get there?

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] Well, you get there by going to a harmless rainbow laser beam and saying Dweegan.

[29:54] Oh, that's right.

[29:55] Say Dweegan.

[29:56] Yeah.

[29:56] I think you've got a shot with that punk girl, Dweegan.

[30:00] Do you mind women that have no sex characteristics at all and also have weird baby dragon bodies?

Dan McCoy

[30:06] Yeah, but are still kind of gross because they have where sex characteristics should be.

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] I don't know why you have to judge her so much, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Yeah.

[30:15] Dan, I don't mean to body shame this Dweegan lady.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] No, but here's where we learned that the city runs on captured rainbow power and people

[30:25] surf on rainbows.

Stuart Wellington

[30:27] Oh, the surfing on rainbows part was pretty crazy where he's like, hey, kid, do you want

[30:31] to try it?

[30:32] And the kid's like, no.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] And then they never do it.

[30:37] Yeah.

[30:37] It's like, what kind of movie introduces a fictional X sport, extreme sport, and then the characters

[30:45] are like, nah, I'm good, and they don't do it at all?

[30:48] It makes no sense.

[30:50] But I guess they're just setting it up for the sequel.

Stuart Wellington

[30:53] And Nosey's even like, yeah, it's good exercise.

[30:56] But I'm like, the real exercise of surfing is the paddling out there.

[31:02] Once you catch the wave, that's just fun, dude.

[31:05] So do they have to paddle up a fucking rainbow?

[31:08] Damn.

[31:08] I think they do.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] Yeah, this is the part of the movie, though, where I'm just like, all right, well, this

[31:15] is a weird psychedelic freakout.

[31:17] And I'm wondering whether my sanity will remain intact.

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] After seeing Mandy earlier this week, this is far more horrifying.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] But it's like a municipal pamphlet in the form of a psychedelic freakout, because they're

[31:32] like, here's the building made out of socks.

[31:35] It's our town hall where the laws of Dwegan lands are made.

[31:38] And it's like, why would a kid care about that?

[31:41] It's like they were watching The Wizard of Oz, and they were like, this yellow brick road

[31:44] will take you where you want to go.

[31:45] And they go, kids love roads, of course.

[31:49] Kids love knowing how cities work.

[31:51] Or like, if in The Hobbit, they were like, well, we're going to have to go to, what's

[31:57] the name of the, we're going to have to go to Smog's Lair.

[32:00] Here's how Smog's plumbing work.

[32:01] The Lonely Mountain?

[32:02] We're going to have to go to Lonely Mountain.

[32:04] And here's how the septic tanks on Lonely Mountain work, because you've got to believe

[32:07] a dragon's going to have a lot of BMs.

[32:10] So allow me to explain, Bilbo.

[32:11] And Bilbo would be like, fascinating.

[32:13] I love this.

Stuart Wellington

[32:13] And that's the thing.

[32:15] That's actually the beauty of all of Tolkien's writing, is that there's no extra stuff.

[32:20] It's all...

Elliott Kalan

[32:21] It cuts it to the bone.

[32:24] He's like Elmore, he's the Elmore Leonard of fantasy.

[32:30] That's what they say about Tolkien.

[32:31] Not a wasted word in the bunch.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] Now, there is a moment where they explain how Dweegans eat donuts exclusively, and that

[32:42] to a Dweegan a donut is not unhealthy.

[32:44] In fact, it's extra healthy.

[32:46] And I'm sure you guys were like me, and I just nodded my head.

[32:48] I'm like, hmm, sounds good.

Elliott Kalan

[32:51] Yeah, sure.

[32:52] He describes this as being like broccoli for them.

[32:54] They do, you know, it's...

[32:55] Dweegans have different biology than us.

[32:57] And as you've seen, they don't mind being disgustingly sphere-shaped and lumpy.

[33:02] So they really like that stuff.

[33:04] Now, here's some things we also learned.

[33:06] That as they're riding along the Major Dweegan Expressway, that's a joke for the kids.

[33:10] Kids love jokes about the Major Dweegan Expressway.

[33:14] About regional highways.

[33:16] Kids love it.

[33:18] We learned that...

[33:18] So Nosy tells the story of the ancient Dweegans, which is that in the 19th century, the leprechauns

[33:24] who came to America from Ireland had sex with local fairies, and Dweegans were born.

[33:29] And that's the entire story.

Stuart Wellington

[33:30] And we get to see that initial courting, right?

[33:33] Yeah, as they square dance on a man's carpet.

[33:36] And the way it's shot, where it keeps, like, cutting to, like, the lips of the fairies.

[33:43] And, like, the shimmy of their hips.

[33:45] And you're like, what is going on here?

Dan McCoy

[33:47] Yeah, it cuts to a 30-minute sex scene of the two of them.

Stuart Wellington

[33:50] And, like, yeah, and the leprechaun's hair gets all ruffled because they're all hot and bothered.

Elliott Kalan

[33:57] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[33:58] Starts saying things about his shillelagh.

[33:59] We all know what he's talking about.

[34:01] It's gross.

[34:01] Anyway, they go to the rock club of Sophia, the rock and roll Dweegan.

[34:06] And she plays her ballad about how she's got a hole in her heart tonight and only you can fill it.

[34:10] It's not really a kid-friendly song, I guess is what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[34:13] I do like that she's playing the song to a crowd of no one.

[34:17] And our two travelers arrive with the piano key staircase.

[34:24] And they walk in, and we get to see her play her song a little bit.

[34:27] And it cuts to them, and they're immediately enjoying the music by just jumping up and down.

Elliott Kalan

[34:34] I got to assume they're just trying to make her feel better.

[34:36] It's like that horrible improv everywhere prank where they all went to a local band's show and pretended they were huge fans of the band.

[34:43] They're doing that to her.

[34:44] They're just gaslighting her so that they can convince her to be a big star so that she'll, I guess, what, sign over the rights to her songs?

[34:51] Dan, what's their plan?

[34:52] What's their scheme?

[34:53] What are they doing?

Dan McCoy

[34:54] Well, yeah, they know that the publishing rights to the songs is where the sweet money is.

[34:59] You get all that, I mean, you get that ASCAP money.

[35:03] You get money when it's used in commercials.

[35:07] It's all, it's all, it's all, it's all, that's the sweetest plumb.

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] Okay, so they're trying to trick her out of her millions.

[35:12] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:13] So Nosey says to Timmy, we're going to help your dad get the gold he needs to build us in.

[35:17] In exchange for-

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] But in a way, sorry to interrupt, Elliot.

[35:19] But in a way, aren't they doing her a favor?

[35:21] Because by keeping her, like, lean and hungry, like, I feel like she'll be, she'll have a better creative output, you know?

[35:29] Like, like the difference of, like, early Metallica versus late Metallica when they're rich and not as talented.

[35:35] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[35:36] So you were saying that a long time ago they were metalented, and now they're metal-less.

[35:41] I don't totally agree.

[35:42] Spit Out the Bones, a great song of their most recent album.

[35:46] Sure.

[35:46] There's a reason they put it last on the album, because if you would not have stuck around with the album if that was the first song, you would have been like, great, I got it.

[35:53] These other ones don't quite add up.

[35:55] But anyway, that was Stuart and Elliot go after Metallica.

[36:00] If you have, if you want to tell Lars that we did that and get us beaten up, just write to Lars Ulrich, care of Metallica, 123 Millionaire Road, anywhere USA.

[36:10] Dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign.

[36:13] The zip code is made out of dollar signs.

[36:16] So, okay, so they say, we'll give you the gold, but you've got to give us 5,000 donuts.

[36:21] And it seems like that might be a challenge for Timmy.

[36:24] And he goes, but then Nosy goes, the old man had a deal with the donut shop in town that he would give him donuts in exchange for gold dust.

[36:31] Okay, great.

[36:32] So why did you need Timmy to facilitate this transaction?

[36:34] Seems like you got it taken care of.

[36:36] And since most of the time when people see, now if you saw a Dwegan in real life, Dan, what would your reaction be?

[36:41] Give me your honest reaction.

Dan McCoy

[36:42] I would try and crush it with my boot.

Elliott Kalan

[36:44] Yes, I think all of us would.

[36:45] We would scream in horror and try to kill it.

[36:48] But in this movie, when people see Dwegan's, they act as if a regular person just walked by.

[36:53] Like, they respond to Dwegan's the same way you would respond to, like, a mailman.

[36:57] Where you're like, oh, okay.

[36:58] Yeah, do you have something for me?

[37:00] Great.

[37:00] Nice to meet you.

[37:01] Goodbye.

Stuart Wellington

[37:01] Well, the Dwegan's do suggest that adults have a more difficult time accepting them, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Elliott Kalan

[37:09] No, the adults are just ready to, they're ready to get on the D train.

[37:12] The D, you know what it stands for?

[37:14] What?

[37:15] Dwegan.

[37:17] Okay.

[37:18] I don't know why that was a mystery for you, Dan.

[37:19] No, that's good.

[37:21] Were you hoping that D stood for Dan, that you wanted to be in the movie?

Dan McCoy

[37:27] Now, why is this movie called Dwegan's and Leprechauns?

Elliott Kalan

[37:30] My theory, my literal theory is that people were like, nobody knows what the fuck a Dwegan is.

[37:34] Like, shove some leprechauns on there.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] Well, why don't they just go all the way then and call the movie Leprechauns and Leprechauns?

[37:42] Plus fairies equals Dwegan's.

Elliott Kalan

[37:45] Leprechauns and Leprechauns would be a pretty good name for it.

Stuart Wellington

[37:47] I do think using a math problem as a title hasn't been done before.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] Now, here's the, yeah, that's true.

[37:56] Dan, so let's take that idea to its farthest limits.

[38:00] The title is a math problem.

[38:02] Fairies plus Leprechauns equals Dwegan's.

[38:04] You think that would somehow be clearer than the title Dwegan's and Leprechauns?

[38:09] I do.

Stuart Wellington

[38:12] Yeah, because it's a math problem and people would immediately assume it's a title for a movie.

[38:17] And so they should watch this movie that's roughly 100 and what, an hour and 38 minutes?

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] That's, this is a, yeah, it's crazy that how, that this movie manages to be as long as it is.

[38:26] Now, Dan, people love math.

[38:28] You hit the nail on the head with that.

[38:30] You always see people doing math for fun.

[38:33] Actually, I guess they do.

[38:33] It's called Sudoku.

[38:34] But that's not like math math.

[38:37] You just need to know numbers.

[38:38] So you want to tap into that untapped math for fun market?

[38:43] Like we all know the people who go to those pub math nights where they compete to see if they can get the math faster than anybody else.

[38:50] And let's not forget how much money mathletes make and all those endorsement deals.

Dan McCoy

[38:54] Well, I'm mathemagicians.

[38:55] Everyone's favorite type of magician.

Elliott Kalan

[38:57] Now, what makes a mathemagician different from a regular magician?

Dan McCoy

[39:00] Well, a regular magician does something impressive like disappearing.

[39:05] Where as a mathemagician gets a couple of numbers from you and does, goes through a bunch of sequences of, of, of, of expressions.

[39:17] What do you, what do you call them?

[39:18] Equations?

[39:19] Math problems.

[39:19] Equations.

[39:20] He does a bunch of equations, math problems.

[39:22] And then he's like, oh, your number was zero.

[39:24] And you're like, oh, great.

[39:26] You somehow processed everything through a bunch of math problems that turned it into zero.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] You're saying that a, a math.

[39:33] Dan, have you been practicing your closeup mathic?

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] This guy is on fire.

[39:44] Boo, boo, boo.

[39:45] Okay.

[39:45] So, uh, Timmy pretends to find the gold.

[39:48] Great.

[39:48] And then, uh, this, there's another scene that kind of sums up the movie for me, which is two hideously ugly Dweegans, a very extreme closeup of them.

[39:57] One picks up the phone, makes a call.

[39:59] We sit there and watch as the phone rings multiple times.

[40:03] And then he just says, they got the gold, TTYL, and the scene is over.

[40:08] It's like, it has everything that's wrong with this movie where the scene is pointless.

[40:12] We don't need to know that.

[40:14] And it's taking up time that could be used explaining what the fuck we're watching.

Stuart Wellington

[40:18] Two.

[40:18] I mean, it's to continue the, it's to, it's to go along with the idea we talked about in the last episode of scenes and movies that don't necessarily, uh, you know, relate to the plot, but are, you know, just a nice little piece of flavor.

Elliott Kalan

[40:31] That's true.

[40:31] Yeah.

[40:32] It's just adding rich sauce to it.

[40:33] Okay.

[40:34] One, it's a scene that we don't need to see.

[40:36] Two, you are forced to look at these horrible Dweegans as they do a very mundane thing.

[40:42] And three.

[40:44] Yeah.

[40:45] They're just like, they're not doing anything.

[40:47] Like you're just sitting there with these horrible designs where they literally wait on the phone for it to ring.

[40:52] Like, and then the, and then it abruptly ends when there could be a conversation of some kind.

[40:56] It's like the movie is constantly bringing you into scenes that don't make any sense, take forever.

[41:01] And then abruptly ends when they might be going somewhere.

[41:03] Dan proved me wrong.

[41:04] Counterpoint.

[41:06] Dan, you're taking the part in this debate.

[41:08] Dweegans and Leprechauns is a great movie that makes a lot of sense.

[41:11] And your opening statement.

Dan McCoy

[41:13] Uh, like the works of Jodorowsky, Dweegans and Leprechauns draws upon a rich, uh, mystic, uh, tradition.

[41:23] Strong opening.

[41:24] And it's psychedelia opens your mind to a new way of storytelling.

Elliott Kalan

[41:32] Wow.

[41:33] Dan, I think you proved me wrong.

[41:34] They should put that blurb on the box of Dweegans and Leprechauns.

[41:37] Opens your mind to a new idea of storytelling.

[41:40] Dan McCoy, the mob house.

[41:41] No, actually Dan McCoy, the daily show with Trevor Noah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:44] Yeah.

[41:44] And just put, and just put a little picture of, uh, Jodorowsky on the box too.

Elliott Kalan

[41:50] It says, it Yoda rocks.

[41:52] Alejandro Jodorowsky.

[41:54] Director, Magic Mountain.

Stuart Wellington

[41:58] Uh, wait, director of the Magic Mountain?

[42:00] Yeah, right?

Elliott Kalan

[42:01] I thought it was Holy Mountain.

[42:02] Oh, sorry.

[42:03] Holy Mountain.

[42:03] You're right.

[42:04] It's the Holy Mountain.

[42:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] Magic Mountain sounds like a theme park ride.

[42:07] It is.

[42:07] There is a theme park.

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] Magic Mountain is a theme park.

[42:10] Yeah.

[42:10] Okay.

[42:11] Uh, but Jodorowsky founded it.

[42:13] Uh, he was, he was going to do a movie based on the video game rollercoaster tycoon.

[42:18] And instead he said, what, what, what, what's a more, what's a more realistic experience than a movie?

[42:24] An actual experience.

[42:25] An actual experience.

[42:25] So he started this, uh, this, uh, this Jodorowsky themed theme park, but Holy Mountain, he didn't own the rights to the name.

[42:32] Uh-huh.

[42:32] And they told him, just call it El Topo Land.

[42:35] And he said, no, no, no.

[42:36] There's already El Topo Europe, which is a, which is a European theme park.

[42:40] And so they named it Magic Mountain instead.

[42:42] And that's the story of the Jodorowsky theme park.

[42:45] Back to Dweegans and Leprechauns, a movie that Dan McCoy describes as, uh, how did he describe it?

[42:51] A psychedelic feast for the senses?

[42:53] Yes, that's right.

[42:54] So, so anyway, the Dweegans are, now construction is in earnest on the house.

[42:59] Now, and I guess they're paying the construction workers in gold nuggets.

[43:02] And the Dweegans are worried that the construction is going to cave in Dweegan land underneath the house.

[43:07] So they sabotage the equipment, uh, and then reveal themselves to the dad immediately and say,

[43:12] hey, we're worried that if you dig here, it's going to hurt Dweegan land.

[43:15] Here's an alternate construction plan.

[43:17] And here's some gold bars to pay for it.

[43:18] And you should name your hotel the Dweegan.

Stuart Wellington

[43:21] And they tie him up.

[43:22] And there's a couple of scenes of him.

[43:24] So this is the only scene in the movie where the father is not wearing his trademark jacket,

[43:28] but instead he is wearing, uh, you know, like a, like a white, uh, like a white sleeveless, like a white tank top.

[43:35] He's in his pajamas, right?

[43:36] I was trying to, I was trying to come up with an inoffensive name for that garment.

[43:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] I think sleeveless shirt is the way, is the way to go.

[43:42] I understand your problem there.

Stuart Wellington

[43:43] Uh, and, uh, there's a lot of shots of him, like kind of straining at his bonds and it was kind of sexy, right?

[43:51] And his hair is all messed up.

[43:53] I'm like, yeah, I'm into it.

[43:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:56] This is how, this is how fetishes start.

[43:58] Yeah.

[43:59] Thanks, Dweegans.

Elliott Kalan

[44:01] Now it's weird when a kid's movie is actually more weirdly sexual than the, uh, than the deviant art based on it.

[44:09] But I think Dweegans Leprechauns is meant to pull that off.

[44:12] Uh, guys, now we've got some trouble.

[44:15] Things are going great at the inn.

[44:16] The Dweeg Inn, as they name it.

[44:18] A name that I'm sure has led many a traveler to say, what?

[44:22] Like, is Dweeg the name of the guy who made it?

[44:25] Oh, and someone goes, oh, it's a play on the word Dweegin.

[44:28] And the other person goes, what is a Dweegin?

[44:30] How is that?

Stuart Wellington

[44:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[44:31] Then their eyes melt out of their face.

[44:34] Um.

Elliott Kalan

[44:36] Like an atom bomb go off right at that moment?

Stuart Wellington

[44:39] I feel like, I mean, it's one of those names that's so common that like, you go to almost any town and there's a Dweeg Inn, right?

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[44:45] Well, you know, that's the thing.

[44:46] You know, if you go to a Dweeg Inn, you're going to get the same great service.

[44:49] It's not the most luxurious place, but you're going to get clean sheets, a warm bath, and weird scrotum-looking Mr. Potato Head lump monsters that tie you up in the middle of the night.

[44:59] That's just the service you can expect at any Dweeg Inn location, coast to coast.

[45:04] Now, Dan, you were going to buy a Dweeg Inn franchise and open one up in Brooklyn.

[45:07] How is that working out?

Dan McCoy

[45:09] Uh, you know, I got.

Stuart Wellington

[45:11] You're still looking for investors, right?

[45:13] Yeah, well.

[45:14] I think, uh, I mean, I know that you've been trying to put together your own video presentation to entice investors, but I don't think you have to do the work.

[45:22] You could just show them this movie, Dan.

[45:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:25] Oh, actually, I was going to say that that had been the problem, is I show PowerPoints, and the PowerPoints include photos of the Dweegins.

[45:31] Okay.

[45:32] And everyone runs screaming from the room at that point.

Stuart Wellington

[45:34] Fair point, fair point.

[45:35] And, but that was originally your plan, they were going to do that, but as they run, all their money would fall out of their pockets.

[45:41] And you would just keep it all up with a shovel.

[45:44] And their jewels.

Elliott Kalan

[45:45] Yeah, sure.

[45:46] Uh, so, those thieves we mentioned earlier, they steal the Prague Sun and they go to hide out at the Dweeg Inn.

[45:53] Uh, the Dweegins, of course, giving you the service that is, you know, just standard at a Dweeg Inn.

[45:57] Go through their bags and find the Prague Sun jewel.

[46:01] They think it's a gold donut.

[46:02] They take it and put it on display underground.

Stuart Wellington

[46:05] This is pretty common in this kind of, like, crime, you know, this kind of crime noir, like, storytelling, where you have multiple stories.

[46:12] Oh, yeah, it's a real Red Rock West.

[46:14] Yeah, that seemed to be, like, yeah, slowly, like, merging to this, uh, inevitable confrontation.

Elliott Kalan

[46:20] Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sorry, I should say more of a two days in the valley.

[46:23] Yeah, this was a two Dweegins in the valley type scenario.

Stuart Wellington

[46:24] Although there is a moment where the, the two criminals double-crossed the third member of their gang by spraying him in the eyes and, what, like, kicking him out of the back of their car or something?

[46:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:35] Uh, in this movie?

[46:37] Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[46:38] Because this Weasley guy who is, who works for the Russian mobster, they say, we're going to blame this on you.

[46:43] And that doesn't, the mobster doesn't believe that.

[46:46] He knows to go after these two.

[46:48] Uh, so, the Dweegins put on display and Sophia sings the aforementioned song Stuart mentioned earlier about wanting to have sex with a donut.

[46:56] Uh, it goes on for a while, too, right?

[46:59] And then I think she starts playing another song.

[47:01] But the thieves...

Stuart Wellington

[47:01] And do they, do they steal the, do the Dweegins steal it from the thieves because it looked like a donut?

[47:07] Yes.

[47:08] They thought it was a golden donut, yes.

[47:09] Oh, they didn't realize it was the son of Prague or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[47:12] No, no, they're not that familiar with Eastern European jewels.

[47:16] Sure.

[47:16] To be fair, they're Dweegins.

[47:18] They live underground.

[47:19] They don't seem to have regular television reception.

[47:21] We know they have, we know they're on the internet and we know they have phones.

[47:24] But maybe they've never been to the San Francisco Historical Museum.

[47:27] They're not members, certainly.

[47:28] They don't get the calendar mailed to them that says, mark out these days.

[47:32] We're going to have the Prague sun for a limited time.

[47:34] And here's, we're not going to show you a picture of it because it's a hideously ugly piece of garbage.

[47:38] But we want you to come in and see it.

[47:40] We're just going to tell you it's impressive.

[47:41] We're not actually going to show it to you.

[47:42] So they haven't seen any of that.

[47:44] So they don't know what it is.

[47:44] They assume it's just kind of, again, as anyone would assume, a golden donut.

[47:48] Now, here's the question.

[47:50] When you're Dweegin, doesn't everything kind of look like a donut?

Dan McCoy

[47:54] Yeah, because this thing doesn't actually, I mean, it doesn't really look like a donut.

[47:58] It's got a bunch of shiny prongs coming out of it.

[48:01] It's just round.

Stuart Wellington

[48:02] When you look at a donut and you're like in a really good mood, doesn't it kind of look like it?

[48:07] It's got shiny prongs coming out of it.

[48:08] Yeah, it's like shining.

[48:11] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] Yeah, it's like a donut is starring in a Disney cartoon and those sunbeams are coming out of its head.

[48:17] You look out.

Stuart Wellington

[48:18] The way the sun glints off of the glaze on the donut.

Dan McCoy

[48:23] Or you see the star that leads you to Jesus, but it's a donut instead.

[48:27] What?

Elliott Kalan

[48:27] I mean, Dan, if a donut led people to Jesus, we'd have a lot more Christians in this world.

[48:31] Am I right?

[48:34] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[48:34] People love donuts, I'm saying.

[48:36] Why is Elliot winking at you, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[48:38] Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink.

[48:41] Dan, have you heard the good news about donuts?

[48:44] They're delicious.

Dan McCoy

[48:46] I have heard that.

Elliott Kalan

[48:48] Oh, okay.

[48:48] Well, Stuart, have you heard the good news?

[48:52] Am I the first?

[48:52] Is this only news to me?

[48:54] Was everyone else aware of this already?

Stuart Wellington

[48:56] So, guys, this is around where the criminals realize their donut trophy has been stolen.

Elliott Kalan

[49:01] Yeah, they hold everyone at gunpoint.

Stuart Wellington

[49:04] And Timmy goes.

[49:05] And by guns, I mean there's one pistol and one Uzi.

[49:08] Yes.

[49:09] Because this is apparently a Shane Black movie.

Elliott Kalan

[49:13] This is the end of Iron Man 3, so that's what they've got.

[49:17] They certainly don't have Iron Man armor, because why would anyone use Iron Man armor in an Iron Man movie?

[49:23] Just send them to a warehouse full of boxes, or I guess it's a loading dock.

[49:26] Just put guns in their hands.

[49:27] Shane Black.

[49:29] Look, I don't even want to talk about that guy, for obvious reasons.

[49:32] Anyway, so, Timmy, he takes everybody except Grandma to Dweganland, shrinks them down.

[49:38] They don't seem to have a problem with this.

[49:39] The Russian, and they just, the thieves just start shooting up Dweganland.

[49:42] Meanwhile, the Russian mob shows up at the inn, but the Russian mobster, he kind of takes a sweet tooth interest towards Grandma, if you know what I mean.

Stuart Wellington

[49:50] I mean, she, she's pretty awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[49:53] She's presenting pretty hard, too.

[49:56] Like, she's thirsty.

Stuart Wellington

[49:57] This is not.

[49:58] Yeah, she's down to pound.

Elliott Kalan

[50:00] I mean, Grandma might as well, like, if anything, at a certain point it becomes embarrassing just how desperate she is for this mobster to just, like, give it to her.

Stuart Wellington

[50:09] But I think she's, I think, I think she's, like, gaslighting him.

[50:14] Like, she's leading him on to try and trick him.

[50:17] Oh, maybe.

[50:18] I'm not so sure about that.

[50:18] Because she's like, who's this creep with a ponytail and glasses?

[50:22] Sunglasses.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] I think it's more like this.

[50:24] Who's this creep with the sunglasses and ponytail?

[50:27] Oh.

[50:28] Hey.

[50:28] Okay, cool.

[50:29] Grandma likes.

[50:31] Okay.

[50:31] Grandma Fitz is pretty cool.

[50:32] Yeah.

[50:33] So the Dweegans have to defend themselves, but according to the Book of Dweegan, they can't use guns.

[50:37] So instead, they just shoot potato bazookas at them.

[50:41] Tons of potatoes.

Dan McCoy

[50:43] Seems like a pretty big loophole in the thing.

[50:45] Like, oh, you can't use guns.

[50:46] But you can use a gun-shaped thing that shoots a projectile.

[50:50] I don't know who, like, wrote these fucking Dweegan laws and who's enforcing them, but I think a potato gun is not the spirit of the law.

Stuart Wellington

[50:59] Frankly, it sounds un-American.

[51:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:02] Yeah.

[51:03] Well, guys, I don't know what to tell you.

[51:05] You're right.

[51:06] I'm not going to stand up and argue that the Dweegan Constitution isn't full of loopholes, or as they call them, donut holes, because they're obsessed with fucking donuts.

[51:13] Yeah.

[51:14] But look, maybe it's an imperfect document, but the Dweegans who wrote it were not perfect Dweegans,

[51:20] and we're fooling ourselves to think that they had all the answers.

[51:23] It was written hundreds of years ago.

[51:25] Times have really changed for Dweegans.

[51:27] Maybe it's time to have a new Dweegstutional convention where we can finally rewrite the Dweegan Constitution to reflect the modern world.

[51:35] Dan, what would you suggest?

Dan McCoy

[51:37] Well, we've got to make the emoluments clause a lot clearer.

[51:42] Okay.

[51:42] We probably need to make it okay.

[51:45] Start from the top.

[51:46] We've got to make it clear that no one's above prosecution.

[51:50] Including the President of the United States.

Elliott Kalan

[51:52] Well, okay.

[51:53] Or the President of the Dweegans.

[51:55] Yeah.

[51:55] Let's remind you again.

[51:56] This is about the Dweegan Constitution.

[51:57] I'm sorry.

[51:58] Which does not have jurisdiction over the President of the United States.

Stuart Wellington

[52:01] It would be interesting if Dweegan law had power over the U.S. government.

Elliott Kalan

[52:07] I mean, America won't even give itself – won't even give the International Criminal Court jurisdiction.

[52:12] The idea that we're just going to accept Dweegans rolling in and telling us how to run our business seems pretty unrealistic.

[52:19] Let's just say that.

[52:20] But anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[52:22] The Dweegans –

[52:22] You know, wishful thinking.

Elliott Kalan

[52:24] Yeah.

[52:25] The Dweegans drive back the thieves with their potatoes and then Sophia zaps them with electricity from her guitar, which is a power I didn't know she or anyone had, which seems crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[52:33] This is after they shrunk the thieves.

[52:35] Yeah, yeah.

[52:36] They're all in Dweegan land now.

Elliott Kalan

[52:37] Yeah.

[52:38] And so the thieves find a place that was mentioned earlier, which I thought was called Dargan's Hell.

[52:43] But it holds prisoner a guy named DeVargan, who is a bad guy, Dweegan, who loves gold.

[52:49] And they free him and his cronies in exchange for his health.

[52:52] And this is what – you know it's a good movie when the ultimate bad guy is introduced 20 minutes before the end of the film.

[53:00] And suddenly the movie becomes about stopping him when you've never known this character existed before.

[53:06] Dan, tell us about DeVargan.

[53:07] How did he strike you?

Dan McCoy

[53:09] Was he the one that looked kind of like a dragon?

[53:11] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[53:13] Like a dragon who wore like a chainmail shirt.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] Clearly he made a really big impression on me since I had to ask that question about him.

Elliott Kalan

[53:20] I mean he's literally the big bad villain of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[53:23] And he's about the same size as – he's about the same size as the dad character, right?

Elliott Kalan

[53:29] I get once the dad's shrunken down.

[53:32] Yeah, not – that would be crazy.

[53:35] If he was like six feet tall.

[53:37] Now the dad does – so DeVargan, everyone's afraid of him.

[53:41] And they start setting up defenses.

[53:42] DeVargan takes forever to get to the rest of the Dweegans.

[53:45] The Dweegans, they're shooting bad guys with potatoes.

[53:47] Everyone's fighting.

[53:48] The dad actually punches DeVargan so hard that he knocks him down and then runs away.

[53:52] So it's like why didn't you just press the attack against DeVargan?

[53:55] It seemed like you could have just kicked him in the head until he was gone.

[53:58] But there's only one way to stop DeVargan.

[54:00] And by that I mean two ways.

[54:02] One, throw oil and bees at him, which they do.

[54:05] And then have your computer Dweegan get in touch with the Chinese Dweegan land,

[54:10] which then teleports a robot to them that has force field breath that traps all the bad guys.

[54:15] And now, guys, let's take a minute to talk about Dweegan land China, which is mentioned once very early in the movie.

[54:21] Yeah, it is.

[54:22] They set it up.

[54:23] They did.

[54:24] They did the adequate setup work.

[54:26] You can just imagine Robert McKee is just sitting there nodding going, yes, you did the work.

[54:31] Yes, I'll accept it.

[54:32] Now, Dweegan land China, I thought it was a throwaway joke.

[54:35] But it turns out there's Dweegan lands all over the world.

[54:38] And the Chinese Dweegan land somehow feels both like they're pandering to the Chinese market and being racist in a way that I can't quite –

[54:45] it feels like a racist pander and not, of course – and by pandering to the Chinese market,

[54:50] I'm not talking about pandas but with a Brooklyn accent and saying pander.

[54:54] That's not what I'm doing.

[54:55] I'm talking about –

Dan McCoy

[54:57] They did have one Dweegan who looked very Buddha-like.

[55:02] Yeah, true.

[55:03] And that was the part that made me feel like uncomfortable with the whole concept.

Stuart Wellington

[55:09] Because the reason it made Dan uncomfortable is because he's like,

[55:13] if they are – they look like caricatures of Chinese people,

[55:19] does that mean the American Dweegans are meant to look like us?

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] Is this what we look like to the rest of the world?

Stuart Wellington

[55:26] Yeah, it tore open my brain.

Elliott Kalan

[55:29] Yeah, and Dan poked a little at his –

[55:30] Only tears fell out.

[55:31] At his scrotal chin and watched it jiggle in the mirror and said, my God, we are Dweegans, aren't we?

Stuart Wellington

[55:36] I do like how the Chinese Dweegans use computers with like multi-fingered like metal hands like the computer operators in Ghost in the Shell.

Elliott Kalan

[55:49] Yeah, so they can type more keys at once.

[55:53] It's a weird moment.

[55:55] And most of the – if you watch the credits, most of the people who worked on this movie were Chinese.

[56:00] Like everyone who worked on it in a technical capacity, it seems, was Chinese.

[56:04] So it's like, well, what did they think about this scene?

[56:07] Or did they love it?

[56:08] Anyway, so the movie ended the only way it could, by Chinese Dweegans turning their – sending a robot to them that traps the bad guys with force breath.

[56:19] The Dweegans celebrate with, how else, Sophia's rock and roll show.

[56:22] Missy and Dad dance and kiss.

[56:24] And there are fireworks that erupt that spell Dweegans as if to remind the Dweegans who the fuck they are.

[56:31] Here's the thing I learned about this movie.

[56:33] Dweegans love Dweegans and they love talking about Dweegans.

[56:36] Like there's no subject they care about more than themselves.

[56:38] But the mobsters are still in the house.

[56:40] Luckily, the Dweegans stopped them almost instantly.

[56:43] They returned the Prague son to the museum and the mobster is on TV being arrested and he's shouting to the grandma going,

[56:49] Grandma Fitz, call me, call me.

[56:51] And to the cop, he goes, stop pushing me.

[56:52] Stop pushing.

[56:53] Hey, call me.

[56:53] Stop pushing.

[56:54] And it was the one moment in the movie I laughed genuinely.

[56:56] But I thought it was kind of funny that he – just the way he was delivering the line was like, stop pushing, please.

[57:01] But the inn is now all booked up.

[57:04] They're famous and everything is great.

[57:07] And as the credits roll, Nosy starts yelling things at the audience.

[57:12] And you think this is going to be a runner, but I think they ran out of stuff for him to say.

[57:16] He only does it twice.

[57:17] And the credits roll over the original production art and design art for the movie.

[57:23] Which is all terrifying.

[57:25] Which looks horrifying.

[57:26] And you see sculptures they must have made of the Dweegans.

[57:29] And they're so frightening.

[57:31] And for a moment, I thought that it was like in a movie where – like I thought for a moment that it was like the room where they're like, we showed you the fake versions.

[57:38] I'm sorry, disaster artist.

[57:40] Where they're like, we showed you the fake room.

[57:42] Now we'll show you the real room.

[57:43] And for this one moment, I was like, wait, are Dweegans real?

[57:46] And I was so frightened.

[57:48] But luckily, they're just hideous statues that I hope somebody finds and mails to us that we can use them to scare each other while we're sleeping.

Stuart Wellington

[57:55] Yeah, as we create our own Guillermo del Toro style museum of horror.

[58:00] Museum of crap.

Dan McCoy

[58:00] There's some things that just should not be realized in three dimensions.

Stuart Wellington

[58:03] Now, I wasn't – I was a little bit bummed about in the final confrontation against DeVargan, they reveal that his real name is like Dennis or something.

[58:15] I think it's Daryl.

[58:16] Daryl or something.

[58:17] And they make a point of like taunting him and teasing him with that name.

[58:22] And I'm like, dude, why all the bullying?

[58:25] Right?

[58:26] Yeah, very fair.

[58:28] Why do you have to sink – like, why do you have to sink to that level?

[58:32] Just shoot him with a potato gun.

Elliott Kalan

[58:35] As Nietzsche once said, when we hunt for DeVargan, we become DeVargan ourselves, which is true.

[58:42] It's just true.

[58:43] They're no better than the bad guy at that moment.

[58:45] Now, during Dweganland – during the fight with DeVargan, much of Dweganland is destroyed.

[58:50] And the Dweigans don't seem to mind that much.

[58:52] And I was like, oh, I get it.

[58:54] They're going to build a new Dweganland to replace the old one and everyone's going to be happy.

[58:58] No, they don't.

[58:58] They don't care.

[58:59] It doesn't matter.

[59:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:00] I mean they're already living in garbage.

Elliott Kalan

[59:03] It's like this movie – it's like the movie – you know, sometimes when there'll be a movie and they'll do a sequel to that movie that has a new creative team.

[59:14] And they just won't – they won't address the plot threads from the previous movie.

[59:17] Like the Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher Batman movies where you're like, I guess this is supposed to be the same Batman, but like everything's different and the rules of the world have changed.

[59:27] That's what the scenes in this movie feel like.

[59:30] I feel like I was watching – it felt like I watched the entire Dwegan film series, but from movie to movie they didn't care from one moment to the next.

[59:39] So things just disappear.

[59:40] They happen and no one bothers.

[59:43] And every now and then, sure, you get a beautiful moment like Griso, the car-loving Dwegan, taking a hideously filthy bath in the sink while using the dad's toothbrush as a loofah, which leads the dad to then sit down on the toilet and the two of them just gripe to each other about how nobody respects them.

Stuart Wellington

[59:59] The line, tell me about it, Griso.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:04] So you do get great scenes like that, sure.

[1:00:07] Or the scene where the elderly Dwegan is lusting after the grandma from afar and just talking about how hot she is.

[1:00:14] Like you get – I mean magic moments like that.

[1:00:16] But I guess it doesn't add up to a cohesive whole is what I'm saying.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:19] Like you mentioned it before, but when the fireworks spell out Dwegan's, you like expect that to be the very last thing that happens in the movie.

[1:00:27] Like the fireworks go up and it goes, Dwegan's!

[1:00:30] And you're like, yay, Dwegan's the leprechauns!

[1:00:32] You know, you skip out of the theater.

[1:00:34] But then there's like a whole other sequence after the Dwegan's thing.

[1:00:37] Yeah, they hadn't even stopped the mobsters at that point.

[1:00:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:40] Yeah.

[1:00:41] It's a little bit like if at the end of the Jason Segel Muppets, there's that part where they throw – what's the new Muppet's name?

[1:00:46] Fred, Timmy?

[1:00:47] Walter.

[1:00:48] Josh Walter.

[1:00:49] When they throw Walter up in the air and it freeze frames on him, it's like if that happened and then they were like, but wait a minute, guys.

[1:00:56] We've got to get to the funeral in time.

[1:00:58] And then they had to race to like some character you've never heard of's funeral.

[1:01:02] And you're like, wait, there's more of the movie?

[1:01:03] Like what's going on?

[1:01:05] Oh, yeah, Sam the Eagle died.

[1:01:06] We've got to go pay our respects.

[1:01:09] That's too bad.

[1:01:10] Symbolic.

[1:01:10] To be honest.

[1:01:11] Oh, wow.

[1:01:12] Dan, you're really bringing the political thunder today.

[1:01:15] Dan, of all the Muppet characters, if one of them had to die – and I mean for good.

[1:01:19] This is canon.

[1:01:20] They're not coming back.

[1:01:21] And Stuart, I want you to answer this question too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:22] Like a Maude Flanders type thing.

[1:01:24] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] Who would you choose?

[1:01:30] Maybe I'd choose –

[1:01:31] Don't say Skeeter.

[1:01:32] Skeeter doesn't count.

[1:01:33] She's not canon.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] Right.

[1:01:36] Well, I mean, Scooter's a pretty good choice now that you mention it.

[1:01:39] But maybe that bunny, the bean bunny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:42] Oh, yeah.

[1:01:43] Bean bunny would be a quality.

[1:01:44] Yeah, I could see that.

[1:01:45] Nobody would miss him, but it would have heft.

[1:01:47] What would you say, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:49] Who's Gonzo's chicken girlfriend?

[1:01:52] Camilla?

[1:01:53] You can't kill Camilla.

[1:01:54] And then Gonzo gets super fucking dark, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:01:58] So you're fridging Camilla is what you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:00] Yeah, I'm going to fridge Camilla.

[1:02:01] Oh, boy.

[1:02:02] For one of Zack Snyder's Muppets?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:04] No, no.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:06] There's going to be a lot of shots of Gonzo sitting next to some gargoyles in the rain.

[1:02:11] Not gargoyles, the characters.

[1:02:13] Gargoyles, the stone things.

[1:02:14] But maybe one of them comes to life and talks to him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:17] Sure.

[1:02:18] I mean, they're puppets.

[1:02:18] Why not?

[1:02:19] Yeah.

[1:02:21] Now, I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:22] Did you have an answer, Elliot?

[1:02:24] Or did you just want to steal all our good ideas?

[1:02:26] That janitor.

[1:02:27] That janitor.

[1:02:28] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:29] Or, no, you know what?

[1:02:30] Or maybe that...

[1:02:32] Who's that weird...

[1:02:33] That android Muppet from Muppets Tonight with the crazy hair?

[1:02:36] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:36] I mean, I think it's great that you guys are choosing characters to die that have no narrative consequences.

[1:02:41] I think that's great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:43] No, Stuart, I admire the risk you took by killing off the closest character to Gonzo.

[1:02:48] Really hurting that character.

[1:02:49] Okay, fine.

[1:02:50] Fozzie.

[1:02:50] I'll kill Fozzie then.

[1:02:51] What do you guys think of Fozzie?

[1:02:52] What?

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:53] Oh, God.

[1:02:53] What a tragic end.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:55] Yeah, deal with it.

[1:02:56] And you know how he died?

[1:02:57] No.

[1:02:58] On stage?

[1:03:00] Yeah, but it was a drug overdose.

[1:03:01] Okay.

[1:03:02] Oh, man.

[1:03:03] Poor guy.

[1:03:03] So, it's basically the movie Lenny, but with Fozzie.

[1:03:06] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:08] We should give our final judgments about this movie, whether it's a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie kind of like.

[1:03:13] Yeah, because by now the audience might be surprised.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:16] Are there going to be any shocking reversals?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:20] Stuart, what do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:21] Guys, this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:03:23] Sometimes people, like, watch the movie before listening to the episode.

[1:03:28] If I, I'm going to send out all the energy I can for people to not do that.

[1:03:33] I know that if you're already listening and you've done it, you are like, you know, yeah, you're already mad at me at this point.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:45] I'm going to put it, I did fall asleep for, like, a little bit in the middle.

[1:03:50] But, as I said.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:52] So, it's snorifying.

[1:03:53] So, it's snorifying is what you're saying.

[1:03:54] Shocktober.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:55] But I have it as a marginal good-bad because it's so baffling.

[1:04:00] Like, it is like nothing you'll ever see, and sometimes that's interesting.

[1:04:06] Yeah, I would say.

[1:04:06] Even though it's horrifying.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:08] Don't watch it on your own.

[1:04:11] I implore you, please.

[1:04:13] Yeah.

[1:04:13] If you watch it on your own, make sure you have somebody come check on you in, like, 20, 30 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:18] Yeah, this is.

[1:04:19] So, I would say to watch it on your own, it's the worst bad movie.

[1:04:22] To watch it with another person, it could be an interesting, you know, masochistic experiment, you know, to see just how far you can go.

[1:04:30] It's terrible.

[1:04:32] But, yeah, to watch it, it's like an acid trip.

[1:04:34] Like, don't do it on your own because you may never come back.

[1:04:37] And then you'll just be an empty husk.

[1:04:39] And all you'll be able to say is,

[1:04:41] Dweeg off, Dweeg on, Dweeg off, Dweeg on.

[1:04:43] And they'll say, all he's muttering is gibberish.

[1:04:46] And they'll take you to the real Dweeg in Arkham Asylum.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:49] Whoa.

[1:04:51] Mm-hmm.

John Hodgman

[1:04:58] I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne, and justice is within your reach.

[1:05:02] My mom refuses to take my phone calls.

S5

[1:05:05] My boyfriend says I should take our cats with me to graduate school, but I think he should keep them.

John Hodgman

[1:05:10] In the court of Judge John Hodgman, justice rules.

[1:05:14] My partner's board game collection is out of control.

S5

[1:05:18] My sister won't stop stealing my clothes.

John Hodgman

[1:05:21] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[1:05:22] I'm tough, but fair.

[1:05:24] Tough, but fair.

[1:05:25] I'll bring you justice, and I'm only a click away.

[1:05:27] Tipping.

[1:05:28] Automotive etiquette.

[1:05:30] Siblings.

[1:05:31] Room mates.

[1:05:32] If you've got a case, go to MaximumFun.org slash JJHO.

[1:05:37] Judge John Hodgman is tough, but fair.

[1:05:39] Tough, but fair.

[1:05:40] Subscribe to the podcast today.

[1:05:43] Judge John Hodgman rules.

[1:05:45] That is all.

S5

[1:05:49] Hi, I'm Allie Gertz.

[1:05:50] And I'm Julia Prescott, and we're the hosts of Everything's Coming Up Simpsons.

[1:05:54] Every episode, we cover a different episode of The Simpsons that is a favorite of our special guests.

[1:05:59] We've had guests that are showrunners and writers and voice actors like Nancy Cartwright.

[1:06:03] I got a D minus, I passed!

[1:06:05] And we've also had people that are on the MaxFun Network already.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:08] Homer wearing that golf outfit is so funny.

[1:06:11] And when he gets super into golf, he's wearing the golf hat in bed.

S5

[1:06:16] In bed!

[1:06:17] We've had Weird Al Yankovic on the show.

John Hodgman

[1:06:19] I was just struck by how sharp the writing is.

[1:06:22] I mean, that's no surprise because it's The Simpsons, but I mean, like, you can't say that about a lot of TV shows,

[1:06:26] particularly ones that at that point had been on the air for 14 years.

S5

[1:06:30] Find us on MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:06:34] All right, smell you later.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:41] So we should move on and thank our sponsors before going too much further.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:46] And our first sponsor is The Dweeg Inn.

[1:06:48] Oh, no!

Dan McCoy

[1:06:50] The first sponsor, The Flophouse, is supported in part by Amazon Prime Video Channels.

[1:06:57] Prime Video Channels is an Amazon Prime benefit members can use to access great entertainment instantly.

[1:07:04] Why not create a TV lineup you love from 100-plus premium and specialty channels like Showtime,

[1:07:11] Starz, HBO, CBS All Access, and more.

[1:07:15] You can start a free seven-day trial of any of the channels you have not tried yet.

[1:07:20] Only pay for the channels you want with Prime Video Channels.

[1:07:23] Start your free trials of over 100 channels by visiting tryprimechannels.com slash flop.

[1:07:32] So that's a new sponsor for us.

[1:07:35] Oh, that's great.

[1:07:36] And I wonder, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:39] You wonder what?

[1:07:40] Could you watch this movie on there?

Dan McCoy

[1:07:44] In fact, if you have Amazon Prime already, you can see Dweegins and Leprechauns free of charge.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:54] It's not exactly the same thing as channels, I believe.

[1:07:56] But yeah, if you have Amazon Prime, Dweegins and Leprechauns is right there for the snacking.

[1:08:01] Yeah.

[1:08:03] But yeah, I love the idea of being able to choose what I want to watch without being tied to lame-o cable.

[1:08:11] Because, you know.

[1:08:12] Hey, hey, hey.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:14] That's not drive down cable.

[1:08:16] We've been asked not to by the advertiser.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:19] Well, you should tell me these things ahead of time.

[1:08:24] I actually like cable a lot.

[1:08:26] And I think, you know what?

[1:08:27] Try out Amazon Prime Channels, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:29] I like cable too, because he's like from the future, right?

[1:08:32] He's got that metal arm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:33] Well, he was born in the present, but he was sent to the future, and then he came back.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:38] Isn't it always somebody's present, though?

[1:08:42] I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:43] But I guess he's from the future in the same way that somebody who moved to England when they were 10 is from England.

[1:08:50] It's like, I guess so.

[1:08:52] But you spent the first 10 years of your life in Kansas City.

[1:08:56] Okay.

[1:08:57] And what a time it was.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:58] Yeah.

[1:08:59] Our second sponsor that helps us keep things going here is Green Chef.

[1:09:05] Support for the Flophouse comes from Green Chef, a USDA-certified organic company that includes everything you need to easily cook delicious meals that you can feel good about.

[1:09:16] Meal plans include paleo, vegan, vegetarian, keto, gluten-free, omnivore, and carnivore.

[1:09:25] Each ingredient is thoughtfully sourced and its journey tracked from planting to plating.

[1:09:30] Let Green Chef do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and most of the prep for you week after week.

[1:09:35] For $50 off your first box of Green Chef, go to greenchef.us slash flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:42] Yeah.

[1:09:43] If you've got a case of the hungries, hit them up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:46] Now, guys, I had Green Chef for dinner last night.

[1:09:49] Really?

[1:09:50] How did it work out?

[1:09:51] My wife and I had, it was sausages and mashed potato and vegetables.

[1:09:57] There was chard in there.

[1:09:58] There was roasted red pepper in there.

[1:09:59] There was onions and fennel.

[1:10:02] And I cooked it myself, which is something that I don't usually do because I can't cook.

[1:10:08] And you know what?

[1:10:09] It came out really nice.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:11] Yeah.

[1:10:13] You know, I've tried a bunch of these meal plans.

[1:10:15] And one of the things I liked about it, like, if you have any experience with these kind of meal plans, Green Chef is fairly easy to use.

[1:10:24] Yeah.

[1:10:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:26] Their recipes in particular are very clearly written and have pictures on them, which for me, a visual learner who loves seeing, you know, stuff.

[1:10:35] He was very helpful.

[1:10:37] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:37] That's what I tell people about you is that you like to see stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:40] And they just give you what you need so you don't end up with any extra junk that you're throwing out or holding on to.

[1:10:46] Like, what am I going to do with this extra little bit of ginger root?

[1:10:52] I don't have any use for this.

[1:10:53] I guess I'll keep it in my freezer forever until it turns into some kind of Groot-like tree thing and kills me in my sleeve.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:00] Wow.

[1:11:01] Groot got pretty dark in this.

[1:11:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:03] Old, old, new reimagining.

[1:11:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:04] Don't let that happen to you.

[1:11:06] Get the Green Chef.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:07] Yeah.

[1:11:08] Groot got really mad because he was also dating Camilla.

[1:11:11] Oh, cool.

[1:11:11] So that really hit him hard, too.

[1:11:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:14] Did you have – that's the end of the sponsors.

[1:11:19] But did you have something you wanted to say, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:20] I did, Dan.

[1:11:21] I did have something to say.

[1:11:22] Now, people may be aware that I have a non-Flophouse-related project coming out soon, October 30th, and I'd like to tell you about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:31] Yeah.

[1:11:31] When am I getting my contributor's copy?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] Uh, contributor?

[1:11:36] Uh, I mean, I will give you a copy of it, but let me just do my ad read, please.

[1:11:42] Dogs and horses.

[1:11:44] For thousands of years, they've lived side by side.

[1:11:47] But have they ever actually met?

[1:11:49] Not until now.

[1:11:50] And the results will surprise and entertain you, especially if you're a child.

[1:11:55] In Horse Meets Dog, the new book by four-time Emmy Award-winning writer Elliot Kalin and illustrator Tim Miller.

[1:12:01] Available October 30th, wherever you buy books.

[1:12:05] Thanks, Dan.

[1:12:08] You're welcome.

[1:12:09] So, as I was finishing my ad read, it seems like Dan opened up – were you just cracking a cube – a tray of ice cubes or something?

[1:12:15] Or what happened?

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:16] Dan opened a beer and it spilled all over the place.

[1:12:19] Yeah.

[1:12:19] Well, that ad read was too hot.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:21] Yeah.

[1:12:21] Oh, man.

[1:12:22] Too hot.

[1:12:23] Shook you up.

[1:12:25] Why don't you talk about our live shows while I clean this up?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:28] You got it.

[1:12:29] Well, we've got two live shows in the future.

[1:12:32] First, we're going to be appearing at, you guessed it, the place everybody's been asking us to go to, Earlham College in – where is that, Stuart?

[1:12:41] Richmond, Indiana.

[1:12:44] That's right.

[1:12:45] It's our first time at Stuart and Dan's alma mater.

[1:12:49] And it's going to be pretty amazing.

[1:12:51] I'm going to make them show me like what dorms they stayed at.

[1:12:55] And I want to see all the places that they got in trouble.

[1:12:59] Yep.

[1:12:59] Anyway, but I guess that's the stuff I'm going to do at Earlham.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:02] The place that Stuart and Dan got put on double secret probation.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:06] Yep.

[1:13:07] But I should tell you what you could do.

[1:13:08] What you could do is you can get tickets to see us November 3rd.

[1:13:12] That's a Saturday.

[1:13:13] It's at 7.30 p.m. in the Goddard Auditorium.

[1:13:15] It's part of Earlham's Artist and Lecture Series.

[1:13:18] We're both artists and we're lecturing.

[1:13:20] And we're just going to do a live Flophouse episode.

[1:13:22] And are we saying what movie that we're watching yet or no?

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:26] Yeah, let's say it.

[1:13:27] Let's fucking just say it, dude.

[1:13:29] Dan.

[1:13:29] Let's rip this bandaid off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:30] Dan, you want to announce what movie we're watching in Earlham?

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:34] He's struggling with his headphones, but I think he's going to be in the game.

[1:13:38] Okay.

[1:13:38] Dan, what movie are we watching for the –

[1:13:40] What's the movie we're doing for the Earlham show, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:44] I believe we just settled on –

[1:13:46] We just settled on –

[1:13:47] Jurassic Park Fallen Kingdom?

[1:13:52] Tragic Kingdom.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:53] It's Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:56] So I guess what I'm saying is, Stuart, I apologize.

[1:13:59] I apologize that I didn't ask you to say what the title was since there were no less than three problems with my asking, Dan.

[1:14:06] But we'll be seeing – so that's November 3rd, Saturday in Earlham in Indiana.

[1:14:11] What's the name of that town again?

Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:15] Tickets are like –

[1:14:15] Tickets are only like $10.

[1:14:17] Tickets are very cheap.

[1:14:19] So this is – yeah, it's general admission.

[1:14:21] You don't have to be a student at Earlham.

[1:14:23] If you're anywhere in the area, I would advise going.

[1:14:25] We're going to be talking about Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom.

[1:14:28] It's going to be super fun.

[1:14:30] But hey, guys, that's not the only show we've got on the radar.

[1:14:34] We've got another show coming up in January.

[1:14:39] In January of 2019.

[1:14:41] It's coming faster than you think.

[1:14:42] It's the future, people.

[1:14:43] We're going to be at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

[1:14:49] My sister's alma mater and my grandma's alma mater, you guessed it.

[1:14:53] You followed all the clues.

[1:14:55] You followed all the clues.

[1:14:57] The place where my grandma was head of, I think, the Student Socialist Club, you know it.

[1:15:02] So anyway, that's going to be Saturday, January 26th, 2019 at 8 p.m.

[1:15:07] Tickets are not as cheap as at the Earlham show, but they're still a good price.

[1:15:13] And you get discount if you are a University of Wisconsin student.

[1:15:17] So if you are a badger, go see this show.

[1:15:21] I'm going to make lots of jokes about badgers because that's what people from Wisconsin are.

[1:15:25] So that's, again, November 3rd in Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana,

[1:15:30] and January 26th in Madison, Wisconsin at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

[1:15:36] Flophouse live.

[1:15:37] And we'll have more live shows hopefully pretty soon just to announce.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:42] Now I want to clarify.

[1:15:43] If you're a badger, come.

[1:15:44] If you're a honey badger, stay home.

[1:15:46] Because I've seen some pretty disturbing videos about you on the internet.

[1:15:49] Yeah, they don't give a shit.

[1:15:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:52] No, that's an oldie.

[1:15:54] That's an oldie, guys.

[1:15:55] Yeah, Dan's put his finger on the pulse of memes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:58] Dan's like, hey, but if that dramatic prairie dog wants to show up, that would be fun.

[1:16:07] Yeah.

[1:16:07] And let's not forget keyboard cat.

[1:16:08] Just remember, all your bass belong to us.

[1:16:10] All your bass belong to us.

[1:16:12] That's an old one.

[1:16:13] Yeah.

[1:16:14] And I want to say a quick thank you to everyone who entered the contest from the last episode about tweeting about the Flophouse.

[1:16:20] We have picked a winner and we'll be announcing what movie we're going to do in November from them when we know what movie that is.

[1:16:28] Everyone, I want to thank you all for tweeting about us.

[1:16:31] And please keep tweeting about us with the hashtag Flophouse.

[1:16:35] Please leave us some reviews on iTunes and all that stuff.

[1:16:38] Help us spread the word of this podcast because we don't do a great job of it and we need your help.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:46] We barely do a good job of the podcast.

[1:16:53] Sad but true.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:55] I misspoke earlier.

[1:16:57] It's obviously all your bass are belong to us.

[1:16:59] I don't want people tweeting me.

[1:17:01] What did you say?

[1:17:02] I just forgot the R.

[1:17:04] Oh.

[1:17:05] But let's move on.

[1:17:07] You probably saved it.

[1:17:09] Yeah.

[1:17:10] There's going to be fewer idiots in my inbox.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:13] Wow.

[1:17:14] Wow.

[1:17:15] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:15] Oh, man.

[1:17:17] Is this the Flophouse with Louis Black all of a sudden?

[1:17:19] Oh, man.

[1:17:20] No, I mean people calling me an idiot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:21] I got a real Yosemite Sam license plate next to me.

[1:17:25] You guys better back off.

[1:17:28] No, no, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:29] Okay, so Dan, what do we do next on the show?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:33] Next on the show, we read letters from listeners.

[1:17:36] Listeners like you, if you wrote a letter.

[1:17:39] If you didn't write a letter, you're still a listener, but you're probably not likely to be responded to on the air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:45] Oh, glad you made that clear.

[1:17:47] So if people are just listening to this and shouting at their iPod or shouting at their computer or whatever they listen to their podcast on their phone.

[1:17:55] They are SOL.

[1:17:56] Yeah, if they're just shouting at it, we're not going to hear you.

[1:17:58] You got to write it in a letter, dude.

[1:18:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:01] Write it in a letter.

[1:18:03] This is from Elizabeth, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] Hey, Elizabeth wrote it in a letter, and that's how we can fly to her.

[1:18:11] Elizabeth, thank you for being a model for everybody else who wants to know how to get in touch with the flop house.

[1:18:18] Because there's just two ways.

[1:18:20] Two ways.

[1:18:21] Number one, write a letter.

[1:18:23] Number two, sky writing.

[1:18:26] Wherever we happen to be.

[1:18:28] Because we're always looking into those blue skies.

[1:18:31] Reaching for the stars with our feet on the ground.

[1:18:34] And sometimes we found that there's writing in the sky.

[1:18:38] I don't mean constellations.

[1:18:40] Those that aren't writing, that's more pictures.

[1:18:43] And by pictures, I mean like three stars that some Greek jerk decided were a pegasus.

[1:18:48] But can I see it?

[1:18:50] No.

[1:18:50] It's the magic eye that never works.

[1:18:52] The sky.

[1:18:54] The stars.

[1:18:55] And the biggest star today is Elizabeth.

[1:18:59] Thanks for writing, Elizabeth.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:00] Okay, well, Elizabeth writes,

[1:19:03] My husband and I are huge fans of all the work you do,

[1:19:06] but I'd like to take this opportunity to express our particular gratitude to our man, Dan.

[1:19:11] A couple months ago, we were sitting around discussing movie options when I told my husband

[1:19:15] maybe we should check out that Stop Making Sense movie that Dan McCoy is always going on about.

[1:19:21] Previous to our viewing of this movie, I would have described myself as a casual Talking Heads fan.

[1:19:25] But good lord, we were absolutely blown away.

[1:19:28] Within a week, we had purchased the soundtrack on vinyl, car stickers, and tickets for David

[1:19:32] Byrne's upcoming tour.

[1:19:34] We also watched Byrne's film True Stories, which we found absolutely goddamn delightful.

[1:19:39] I don't think I've listened to anything but Talking Heads since I watched it,

[1:19:42] and would now without question call him one of my favorite bands.

[1:19:45] I've never had such an immediate just-hook-it-to-my-veins experience with a piece of entertainment before,

[1:19:51] certainly not as an adult.

[1:19:52] My question for you guys is,

[1:19:54] when was the last time you were truly gobsmacked by a piece of entertainment?

[1:19:58] Elizabeth Last Name Withheld?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:02] Oh man, that's a good question.

[1:20:04] Dan, I just realized-

[1:20:05] Can we define gobsmacked?

[1:20:07] Yeah, yeah.

[1:20:08] And that's different from Godsmack the band, right?

[1:20:10] Because if I said Godsmack as my answer, that'd be hilarious.

[1:20:14] I guess it would be.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:16] Now, gobsmacked could be used in a negative way.

[1:20:19] It could mean that you're distressed and confused by something.

[1:20:23] But in the context of this letter, it's only a positive gobsmacking that we're looking for.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:27] Yeah, it's like a flip take.

[1:20:28] It can be good or bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:29] Yes, exactly.

[1:20:31] And in this case, she was so gobsmacked by talking heads that she went out and did a bunch of talking head shit that she wouldn't have done otherwise.

[1:20:41] Sure.

[1:20:42] That kind of level of being engaged by a piece of pop culture.

[1:20:48] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:49] Dan, did she steal your answer?

[1:20:50] Were you going to say, stop making sense?

Dan McCoy

[1:20:52] No, you know, the only thing that I could think of was reading the Song of Ice and Fire books, actually.

[1:21:00] Yeah.

[1:21:01] Because Stuart recommended them to me, and then I was a real ass, and I read the intro to one of them, and I'm like, not for me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:10] I think your specific words were that the term wildling reminded you too much of younglings from Attack of the Clones or whatever.

[1:21:19] So you were like, nope.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:21] I mean, that's just more emblematic of, in general, fantasy stuff doesn't do it for me.

[1:21:28] But then I saw a little bit of the show, which I don't watch anymore, but the show got me back into the books.

[1:21:36] And once I gave the things a second chance, I was like, okay, well, this thing that Stuart likes seems to be liked by everyone, and maybe I should pay attention to my good friend Stuart instead of scoffing at him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:48] Yeah, basically what you said is, I don't trust Stuart enough to listen to him, but the howling mob, which has given us such things as President Donald Trump, I trust to tell me what I should read.

[1:22:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:02] But no, I feel bad.

[1:22:05] But I really tore through all the available books, which is stupid because now God knows that if any book ever shows up again, I'm going to not remember who anyone is because it's been so long.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:19] Oh, cool.

[1:22:19] I mean, I'm probably going to do another live reading for my wife, so you can just attend those.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:23] I'll perch on the head of your bed like a cat.

[1:22:27] Mm-hmm.

[1:22:27] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:29] Where I get to do voices for all the characters.

[1:22:31] Elliot, do you have an answer?

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:33] I have a couple different things I could talk about.

[1:22:35] Yeah.

[1:22:36] Because lately, does it have to be pop culture or can it be regular culture?

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:40] I think it just said a piece of entertainment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:43] Okay, I understand.

[1:22:44] So, because like the thing that really affected me the most was when I finally read Orlando by Virginia Woolf last year, which just like as a book just blew me away in a way that I didn't expect.

[1:22:56] But there's some other things.

[1:22:58] I feel like I've been having this kind of reaction a lot to things lately in the past couple years or so.

[1:23:03] There's a comics artist I like a lot named Tom Manning, and he has a new book out called Eric that really hit me over the head that I liked a lot.

[1:23:12] And there's this author, Anne Leckie, who has a science fiction series called the Imperial Raj series that starts with a book called Ancillary Justice that I thought was amazing.

[1:23:22] And there's another comic series called Ama, which is spelled A-A-M-A.

[1:23:26] That's by a guy named Frederick Peters, and I've been really loving that a lot.

[1:23:30] So, I don't know, guys.

[1:23:32] Things have just been blowing me away left and right.

[1:23:33] I don't know what to tell you.

[1:23:35] There's a lot of things that I like.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:36] Yeah, I was pretty blown away and affected by Call Me By Your Name last year.

[1:23:43] I felt like a pretty deep personal connection to it.

[1:23:47] And then I feel like for comics, there was a – I think when I read the second issue of Alan Moore's Neonomicon, a book I don't recommend to anybody,

[1:23:57] and content warning is very difficult to read and has sexual violence, so watch out.

[1:24:02] But it was just like – it was horrifying in a way I had not experienced in a comic book before.

[1:24:09] So, I was – yeah, and then I like went on to have to work a shift, and I couldn't stop thinking about this horrible thing.

[1:24:16] And I kept like looking at my iPad that I had read the digital version on, and I was like, that thing's bad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:24] I remember, Stuart, after you read it, I remember you telling me you were like, it's certainly scary.

[1:24:29] I don't know that I recommend it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:32] And like Hamilton.

[1:24:35] Like I feel like I was like – I went into Hamilton not knowing what I was about to see.

[1:24:40] I was like, it's a history rap?

[1:24:42] And then coming out of it like in tears and like feeling moved by theater in ways that I kind of hadn't been.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:53] This next letter is from John, last name withheld.

[1:24:56] Stuart, our old boss.

[1:24:58] Hey, John, how you doing?

[1:25:01] Hey, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:01] Is this a letter about what, like farming?

[1:25:04] What does he do now?

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:07] He owns an animal farm, yes.

[1:25:09] It's where – it's a classic animal farm.

[1:25:11] It's where Snowball and Napoleon hang out.

[1:25:12] Yeah, the pigs run the place.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] I always felt like Snowball got a rough deal.

[1:25:19] You think so?

[1:25:21] You think so, Stu?

[1:25:22] Yeah, that's my take.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:24] I think he might have picked up one or two things from that book then.

[1:25:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:29] Hey, you know who didn't turn out the best in that book?

[1:25:31] The horse.

[1:25:32] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:35] Anyway, John, last name withheld, writes,

[1:25:37] Greetings, Elliot.

[1:25:38] I'm a children's librarian, and I was very excited to hear about your upcoming children's book.

[1:25:42] But now I'm wondering, what are some of your favorite books to read to your son?

[1:25:47] Myself, I'm a big fan of Moe Wombs, and consider There's a Bird on Your Head to be one of the great classics of Western literature.

[1:25:53] It is a great book.

[1:25:54] Not to leave Dan or Stu out, let me ask them, did either of you have a favorite picture book as a child?

[1:25:59] Many thanks, John, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:05] Yeah, my favorite picture book is The Dark Knight Rises, dude.

[1:26:10] Wait, what?

[1:26:11] Frank Miller, baby.

[1:26:14] Okay.

[1:26:15] That's a movie.

[1:26:16] No, that's the movie.

[1:26:18] I don't fucking remember.

[1:26:19] I mean, in a way, guys.

[1:26:26] In a way, it's a book for your eyes.

[1:26:28] Pump your brakes.

[1:26:30] Isn't a movie kind of like a picture book?

[1:26:34] Technically, aren't I right about this.

[1:26:38] I throw myself on the mercy of the court, but I think I'm right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:45] So, Dan, what's your favorite picture book?

[1:26:47] What, like, Karl Barks Duck book, probably?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:50] I mean, I did read those over and over again as a child and as an adult now.

[1:26:56] But, no, I was thinking about the book that I actually sent your new child.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:04] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:05] You sent, what is it called, The Museum of Everything?

[1:27:08] It's a Sesame Street book.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:09] Yeah, it's like Grover and the Museum of Everything.

[1:27:11] Everyone remembers Grover.

[1:27:14] There's a monster at the end of the book.

[1:27:16] Yeah.

[1:27:16] Which is a brilliant book.

[1:27:18] Yeah, it's great.

[1:27:18] It's wonderful.

[1:27:19] But there's another book that's done in the same style where it's the museum of everything

[1:27:25] and Grover goes from museum room to museum room and it's like, the room for really big

[1:27:31] things.

[1:27:31] The room for really small things.

[1:27:33] Like, the room that has a carrot in it.

[1:27:35] Like, stuff like that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:36] And then there's the room for vegetables that are not carrots.

[1:27:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:40] It's very funny.

[1:27:41] It's, I don't know, it's just delightful.

[1:27:44] It's got that same sense of humor as the one that everyone knows.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:48] And it teaches a valuable lesson about the inability, the futility to create order out

[1:27:54] of chaos.

[1:27:55] Right.

[1:27:56] How we live in a universe that is essentially unknowable and yet we are really forced by our own fevered minds

[1:28:04] to try to apply some sort of logic and rationale to it and we are obstructed at every turn.

[1:28:12] That's the message you wanted to give to my baby son, right?

Elliott Kalan

Dan McCoy

[1:28:18] Do you have recommendations, Elliot?

[1:28:21] I do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:22] There's two books I'm going to recommend.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:24] I almost called you a child owner.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:29] It's a weird way to put it.

[1:28:31] Yeah.

[1:28:31] But it's still pretty good.

[1:28:33] There's a book called Extra Yarn that's written by Mac Barnett and the artist by John Classen.

[1:28:39] And I think it is one of the best picture books that's ever been produced.

[1:28:44] Like the writing is beautiful, the art is beautiful, but it's super simple and it's very funny, but it's also very warm.

[1:28:52] But without – I'm like really in awe of how they were able to pull it off and construct it and it's a book that I've done a lot of studying of to try to help me with children's book writing.

[1:29:01] So that's the one – I think Extra Yarn is like one of if not the best children's book of the last, I don't know, however long, you know, 10 or 20 years in my opinion.

[1:29:10] And I read it to Sammy quite often and I'm looking forward to reading it to my second son as well.

[1:29:15] And eventually to my seventh son who himself will have a seventh son and that will be a wizard.

[1:29:23] That's going to be great.

[1:29:25] But I also say, you know what's a great picture book?

[1:29:26] It's called Horse Beats Dog.

[1:29:28] It's written by me, art by Tim Miller.

[1:29:30] It comes out October 30th.

[1:29:31] Buy it wherever books are sold.

[1:29:34] And, oh, you know what?

[1:29:35] When I get the – if I have any – I'm going on a book tour for it in early November right after our Earlham show.

[1:29:44] And if the dates involve actual stores, I'll mention them on a future podcast so that people can come see me.

[1:29:49] But some of the dates are just going to be school visits.

[1:29:51] Sorry, adults.

[1:29:52] Kids rule.

[1:29:53] Adults drool.

[1:29:55] Mm-hmm.

[1:29:56] That's true.

[1:29:57] I believe it's right.

[1:29:57] Yep.

[1:29:59] Especially when they're sleeping.

[1:30:00] When they're sleeping, yeah.

[1:30:01] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:02] This next letter is from Jack, last name withheld.

[1:30:06] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:06] Who writes, a friend of mine was recently in an improv comedy show in which they performed an original movie based on a title given to them by the audience.

[1:30:14] The title shouted at them by me was, of course, Catch That Kid.

[1:30:18] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:18] They gave a terrific performance, perhaps worthy of the Flophouse.

[1:30:21] I have a transcript of the performance written up, and I'll take $700,000 for the rights.

[1:30:26] Here's a list of elements from the script in case you're not already convinced.

[1:30:29] Yeah, very fair.

[1:30:30] A creepy carnival for lost children.

[1:30:33] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:33] A sewer detective who has been to New York.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:36] The sewer detective.

[1:30:36] Cool.

[1:30:37] Wait, who has been to New York?

[1:30:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:40] The sewer detective's alligator partner.

[1:30:42] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:42] An imagination hat.

[1:30:44] Okay.

[1:30:44] A man turns into a car.

[1:30:47] Sure.

[1:30:47] The titular kid's name is Jeremy.

[1:30:49] Sounds right.

[1:30:50] A deadly dream game of dodgeball.

[1:30:52] Oh, okay.

[1:30:53] I eagerly await your response.

[1:30:56] You can make the check out to first name withheld, Alexander O'Brien, last name withheld.

[1:31:00] Okay.

[1:31:01] Okay.

[1:31:02] Well, I'm glad.

[1:31:03] The improv group was Improv Chattanooga.

[1:31:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:31:06] Mm-hmm.

[1:31:07] Who he says, we should check out if we're ever in Tennessee.

[1:31:09] Pass.

[1:31:10] Okay.

[1:31:11] Wow.

[1:31:11] Pass on that.

[1:31:12] Wow.

[1:31:12] Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:13] The only Tennessee Dan wants to, only Tennessee Dan likes is the song by Arrested Development.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:20] Dan, you're never going to be in Tennessee.

[1:31:22] Just say, okay, and then just don't do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:25] Yeah.

[1:31:25] I have seen enough improv comedy for three lifetimes, I think, at this point.

[1:31:31] What if Peter Sellers came back from the dead and was doing a show at UCB?

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:39] It's a level one show.

[1:31:40] He just started taking improv lessons.

[1:31:42] Oh, okay.

[1:31:42] Would you order that?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:44] Yes.

[1:31:44] I would go to see the late Peter Sellers at an improv show at UCB.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:48] Well, Tennessee, the ball's in your court.

[1:31:50] Get Peter Sellers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:54] Well, that sounds great.

[1:31:55] Good luck with the screenplay.

[1:31:57] Just keep checking your mailbox, and the check will be there.

[1:32:01] And then have fun cashing that at the bank.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:03] And this last letter is very fast.

[1:32:06] It's merely, dear floppers, who's your Huckleberry?

[1:32:11] Thanks, Doc, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:13] I mean, it's Doc Hollywood, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:17] It has to be.

[1:32:19] I'll tell you who my Huckleberry is.

[1:32:21] You two guys.

[1:32:22] I have two Huckleberries.

[1:32:23] Oh, that's very sweet.

[1:32:24] Dan and Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:27] Okay, cool.

[1:32:28] Well, I can't say the same for you.

[1:32:31] Well, this is exactly awkward.

[1:32:32] Is that weird?

[1:32:36] Oh, man.

[1:32:37] How dare you, sir?

[1:32:38] Yeah, I think it's weird that you sprung that on me like this,

[1:32:41] and we should have talked about it off the air, is all I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:45] Well, I mean, we could have if Dan ever told us the letters ahead of time.

[1:32:49] I told you.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:51] I'm sorry.

[1:32:51] I didn't tell you about the joke Huckleberry won.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:53] Dan.

[1:32:54] Dan prefers to, one, keep the spontaneity of the show, and two, preserve the laziness of picking the letters right before we record.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:02] And I think he likes the rare moments of emotional rawness that we just saw.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:07] Yeah.

[1:33:07] So, in fact, you know what?

[1:33:08] Fuck you, Dan.

[1:33:09] Fuck you, Stuart.

[1:33:10] You're not my Huckleberries anymore.

[1:33:11] Oh, wow.

[1:33:12] I am de-huckleberrying you.

[1:33:13] What did I do?

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:15] Well, I think you know.

[1:33:15] This whole springing a letter on me and ruining my friendship with Stuart.

[1:33:20] I just think you're moving too fast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:22] Now, I'm going to go back to my original Huckleberry, Danny Glover.

[1:33:28] Oh, wow.

[1:33:29] Yeah, we're very close.

[1:33:30] We spent a lot of time together.

[1:33:32] Star of Pure Luck and Grand Canyon.

[1:33:34] Yep, my two favorite Danny Glover films.

[1:33:36] I ask him about all the time.

[1:33:37] And I'll tell you what.

[1:33:38] When it comes to having fun, he's not getting too old for that shit.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:42] No.

[1:33:43] That's good to hear.

[1:33:45] So, let's go on to the next and last segment of the show.

[1:33:50] What do I do?

[1:33:50] Where we recommend movies.

[1:33:51] Movies that you should spend your time on before you get around to Dwegan's and Leprechauns.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:56] Yeah, we all have, like, limited time on this earth, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:00] Don't make the same mistake we did of wasting some of it on Dwegan's and Leprechauns.

[1:34:04] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:05] Yeah.

[1:34:06] Yeah, like, when you are lying on your deathbed and you're like,

[1:34:10] I wish I had more time to spend watching Dwegan's and Leprechauns.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:15] I only wish that someone had made a sequel so I could spend time with that.

[1:34:19] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:20] We're just watching the first one again.

[1:34:22] Guys, I'm going to turn into a...

[1:34:23] You find new stuff.

[1:34:24] I'm going to turn into a video artist and my first installation is just going to be Dwegan's and Leprechauns on a loop for 24 hours.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:30] Oh, that's cool.

[1:34:31] Played, what, off of a movie projector or...

[1:34:34] Yeah, sure.

[1:34:35] Oh, okay, cool.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:37] Just projected on a bowl of children's tears.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:45] I've already gotten into the trouble with a lot of parents groups, a lot of police officers about making children cry so much that I could collect a whole bowl of their tears, but...

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:00] Yep.

[1:35:00] You just keep running around shouting, Snape kills Dumbledore.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:05] Catching the results.

[1:35:06] Nothing sadder than that.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:08] Yeah.

[1:35:10] Movie recommendations.

[1:35:11] Should I start?

[1:35:12] Is that what's happening?

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:13] Yeah, sure.

[1:35:14] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:35:15] You offer.

[1:35:16] You're the boss.

[1:35:18] Mona's the boss.

[1:35:19] I bet we covered that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:20] How is Mona the boss?

[1:35:22] She doesn't tell anybody what to do.

[1:35:24] She's a joke with her own family.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:26] I think she tells everyone what to do all the time.

[1:35:29] But they don't listen to her.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:30] Clearly, Angela is the boss because she pays the bills.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:34] I guess.

[1:35:35] I don't know.

[1:35:36] I feel like that's a vague definition of bosses.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:40] I mean, it's like the most basic foundational definition of boss.

[1:35:45] I mean, maybe in your capitalist culture.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:48] I'm looking back in my letterbox records to see what movies I watched.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:55] You're looking back in the letterbox records to see who the boss was?

[1:35:58] Just say Angela.

[1:35:59] If you say Jonathan, you're off the podcast.

[1:36:03] Or say Tony if you want because he holds a sort of sexual power over Angela.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:08] That's part of Mona's attraction.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:10] That's why she's the boss.

[1:36:12] No, but she's a slave to that power too.

[1:36:15] Dan, you got to settle this.

[1:36:17] Who's the boss?

[1:36:21] My boss?

[1:36:23] No.

[1:36:23] Come on.

[1:36:24] Okay, Dan, what's your movie that you're recommending?

[1:36:26] Or Stuart, do you have one lined up since Dan's movie?

[1:36:27] Go through your letterbox.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:28] Combing through his offline memory.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:31] I'm just.

[1:36:32] I'm waiting for Dan.

[1:36:33] Like, I know Dan's got a good one.

[1:36:35] Look at his face.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:35] It's not a good one.

[1:36:36] He's got a real good one.

[1:36:37] It's been such a long buildup that.

[1:36:40] Dan, have you seen any movies in the movie theater?

[1:36:42] No, it's a good movie, but it's not a surprising choice.

[1:36:46] I guess what I should have said.

[1:36:48] Okay.

[1:36:50] Some time ago now, because we took a while off recording for reasons that we've all recorded

[1:36:57] on this podcast before.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:58] This is a necessary backstory.

[1:37:00] Now, Dan, just for context, I'm going to recommend a movie from 1985, and I am not going to bother

[1:37:06] explaining why I'm waiting until now to recommend it.

[1:37:09] So don't feel like you need to tell people why you're recommending it now.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:12] Okay.

[1:37:13] It's just that this is a movie recently in the theater, Black Clansman.

[1:37:16] I thought maybe the movie I've enjoyed and thought was the most important this year.

[1:37:27] I don't know.

[1:37:28] It's really fun.

[1:37:29] It's a great movie.

[1:37:30] Yeah.

[1:37:30] I feel like there's not a lot to say about it at this late date because it's been out and

[1:37:34] people have talked a lot about it.

[1:37:36] But what struck me about it was how funny a lot of it was.

[1:37:41] It's dealing with a lot of heavy issues and upsetting themes.

[1:37:48] But the story of the movie, as fictionalized as it is, lends itself to a lot of comedy throughout

[1:37:57] the film.

[1:37:58] And then at the end of the movie, the movie says, remember how you were enjoying yourself?

[1:38:02] Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

[1:38:03] And it punches you in the stomach.

[1:38:05] Yep.

[1:38:06] And you walk out crying.

[1:38:07] Yep.

[1:38:08] But in a meaningful way.

[1:38:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:11] In an important way.

[1:38:12] It juggles tone really well.

[1:38:14] Yes.

[1:38:14] And, uh, and the actress who plays the evil racist wife, Ashley Atkinson, is super lovely

[1:38:22] and drinks in my bar a lot.

[1:38:24] So come to Hinterlands and see her be much nicer than she is in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:29] Yeah.

[1:38:30] You're inviting people to stalk someone who comes to your bar.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:34] Oh, yeah.

[1:38:34] Don't stalk.

[1:38:35] Don't stalk her.

[1:38:35] She's very nice, though.

[1:38:36] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:39] So, Stuart, what movie are you going to recommend?

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:41] Oh, man.

[1:38:42] I could, let me reach into my big bag of movies I watched recently.

[1:38:47] Uh, I mean, I guess an easy one is, I just went and saw Mandy, the, uh, Nicolas Cage psychedelic

[1:38:53] freak out from the director of, uh, Beyond the Black Rainbow.

[1:38:57] Uh, it's a movie that features, uh, some super classic Nicolas Cage, uh, like maniac

[1:39:06] acting.

[1:39:07] Um, it's got an amazing score.

[1:39:11] It's the kind of movie that I feel like you wouldn't, I mean, I, uh, people say this a

[1:39:17] lot, but like, it's the sort of movie you, it's, it's playing in a limited release in theaters.

[1:39:21] And if you get a chance, you should see it.

[1:39:22] Cause for one, you're not going to see, you have a chance to see super fucking weird movies

[1:39:27] like this in the theaters that often.

[1:39:30] Um, and it's weird in that it's, has a very straightforward, relatively simple premise,

[1:39:35] but the story is told strangely.

[1:39:38] And, uh, I mean, it's, we don't get to see Nicolas Cage starring in movies in the theater

[1:39:44] that much anymore.

[1:39:45] Right.

[1:39:45] Like it's true.

[1:39:46] Most of the time, if you're seeing Nicolas Cage, it's on video on demand.

[1:39:50] Uh, so it's really great.

[1:39:52] Yeah.

[1:39:52] And also just the, the score of this movie, which was the, uh, I think the, the composer

[1:40:00] like Johan Johansson.

[1:40:02] I think this is either his last movie that he scored or one of the last movies he scored.

[1:40:06] He just passed away.

[1:40:08] And it's really incredible and oppressive and great.

[1:40:12] And I mean, this is a movie that does feature Nicolas Cage getting in a chainsaw fight with

[1:40:17] another guy.

[1:40:18] Uh, and there's a certain breakout star in the middle of the movie that I don't want to

[1:40:24] spoil for anyone, but man, uh, yeah, go check out Mandy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:29] I really want to see that.

[1:40:30] I want to see both of those movies because I haven't had a chance to, I'm going to recommend,

[1:40:34] as I said, a movie from 1985, that's right.

[1:40:37] The year David Kalin was born, my brother.

[1:40:39] Happy birthday.

[1:40:40] It's not his birthday, but.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:41] It's his birth video.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:42] Wait a minute.

[1:40:43] He's only, he's only 33?

[1:40:46] Yeah.

[1:40:47] Woof.

[1:40:48] Well, it's a hard one to say.

[1:40:52] Anyway, I'm going to recommend, uh, it's a Japanese movie called Tempopo.

[1:40:56] Uh, it's directed by Juzo Itami and it is a really funny movie and a really weird movie.

[1:41:04] It's about, uh, these two truckers decide that they're going to help a woman who runs

[1:41:08] a ramen bar, uh, to become the greatest ramen chef she can be.

[1:41:13] And much of the movie is about making noodles and cooking noodles.

[1:41:16] But then there's also these kind of short sketches basically that pop up every now and

[1:41:22] then that are kind of about people's relationships with food and how food is, uh, how people deal

[1:41:29] with it from a central point of view, but also from a social point of view.

[1:41:33] And it's just a, like, it's one of these movies that you never are quite certain exactly what's

[1:41:38] coming along.

[1:41:38] And even like the score is really funny the way that like this very, it's very dramatic

[1:41:43] music for a movie about a woman who is learning how to cook noodles.

[1:41:47] Uh, and it's just a really, I really enjoyed a lot.

[1:41:50] I thought it was a really good movie and it looks great.

[1:41:53] And if you've got a young Ken Watanabe, uh, in a pivotal supporting role.

[1:41:59] And so I would recommend it.

[1:42:00] Tampopo.

[1:42:01] If you want to see a movie about two truckers teaching women how to cook noodles, that's

[1:42:04] much funnier than that sounds.

[1:42:06] Then go for it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:08] Deal with it.

[1:42:09] I mean, I feel like every movie that I go to the theaters nowadays, I'm just sick of

[1:42:13] all these truckers teaching noodle making movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:17] If you want to learn more about the ramen process than you ever thought you wanted to know,

[1:42:21] it's, that's a reason to watch it too.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:23] I think that Stuart does want to know a lot about the ramen.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:26] Yeah, I love ramen, dude.

[1:42:27] I'm crazy for that shit.

[1:42:28] Oh, then this is the movie for you.

[1:42:30] It also has.

[1:42:31] Drown me in it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:31] It also has one of the weirdest sex scenes I've ever seen in a movie.

[1:42:34] So you might like that too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:36] If it, if it involves ramen, it's not that weird.

[1:42:39] I feel like it's pretty natural.

[1:42:42] Yeah.

[1:42:43] Just do what the ramen wants.

[1:42:44] I kind of would like if, you know, if I had to go, I've mentioned in the past that if

[1:42:49] I had to, if I had to die, uh, violently, I want to be.

[1:42:53] I mean, you do have to die.

[1:42:54] Hopefully not violently.

[1:42:55] But if, but if I have to die violently, I would want to be, uh, devoured alive by a

[1:42:59] critter ball, you know, like rolled over by a giant ball of critters like in Critters

[1:43:03] 2.

[1:43:04] Yep.

[1:43:04] But I think a close second is filling a, uh, like a kiddie pool with ramen and drowning

[1:43:10] me in it.

[1:43:11] Kind of like that scene in dead or alive where they drown that young woman in a kiddie pool

[1:43:16] full of excrement.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:17] Okay.

[1:43:18] But not excrement.

[1:43:18] I want ramen.

[1:43:19] I don't feel like I needed that, uh, comparison.

[1:43:22] I understood perfectly what you were saying without comparing it to that movie.

[1:43:26] I feel like, I feel like the reference helps.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:30] I feel like the reference helps people.

[1:43:32] Elliot, I saw the look of real, like understanding Dawn on Elliot's face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:36] I had real trouble visualizing it.

[1:43:38] And then you mentioned the scene where she drowns in excrement.

[1:43:40] Uh, and I was like, oh, I got it.

[1:43:42] I get it now.

[1:43:42] Okay.

[1:43:43] Yes.

[1:43:43] Makes sense.

[1:43:44] I thought it was necessary.

[1:43:46] Okay.

[1:43:47] Yeah.

[1:43:47] So cool.

[1:43:49] Uh, let's sign off.

[1:43:51] Let's do that.

[1:43:52] Uh, there's a lot of great.

[1:43:53] As visions of kiddie pools filled with excrement dance in our, in our heads.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:57] Yeah.

[1:43:58] Uh huh.

[1:43:58] Remember to go over to max maximum fun.org, uh, listen to a bunch of, uh, other podcasts

[1:44:03] that don't have things about kiddie pools filled with excrement in them.

[1:44:06] I mean, you won't know until you listen, really.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:08] Yeah.

[1:44:09] I mean, that's part of the joy of podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:11] Yeah.

[1:44:11] Stop podcasting yourself.

[1:44:12] This week is all about kiddie pools filled with excrement all of a sudden for some reason.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:16] Yeah.

[1:44:16] You know, uh, those guys, but, uh, enjoy that.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:21] And for the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:24] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:44:26] I'm Elliot Kalin saying tweet about us, review us, whatever you want to do.

[1:44:29] Take the flop house and put it in your outside world life because you know what?

[1:44:33] You need it.

[1:44:34] We need you.

[1:44:35] And together, maybe, just maybe, just maybe.

[1:44:40] He's still trying to come up with a lot.

[1:44:41] He's got an end to the sentence.

[1:44:44] I'll think of an end.

[1:44:45] Maybe, just maybe.

[1:44:46] I'll think of an end to the sentence.

[1:44:47] All right.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:49] Thank you guys.

[1:44:50] See you later.

[1:44:51] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:52] Bye.

[1:44:56] Now, if there are any scenes that I don't mention that you want to bring up, go ahead

[1:45:01] and bring them up.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:03] I think they've already escaped my brain as a fever dream.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:06] Because if you wanted to, if you want to talk about the part where the dad walks in and

[1:45:09] Greaso is using the dad's toothbrush as a loofah.

[1:45:12] That is a hundred percent.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:14] Why would we not?

[1:45:15] That was like the best scene in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:17] Okay, well, well, maybe I'll mention it.

[1:45:20] What are you guys, stupid?

[1:45:22] It's the best part.

[1:45:23] Or the scene where the elderly Jwigon is lusting after the grandma from afar.

[1:45:28] Yeah.

[1:45:28] You know, let me know if you want to mention these.

[1:45:30] Just bring them up.

John Hodgman

[1:45:33] MaximumFun.org.

[1:45:34] Comedy and culture.

[1:45:35] Artist owned.

[1:45:36] Listener supported.

Ep. #267 - Dwegons and Leprechauns

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