Ep. #267 - Dwegons and Leprechauns

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Dweegons and Leprechauns.

[0:06] Guys, I hate life.

[0:31] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] Oh hey guys, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] Hey, hey, hey, Elliot Kaelin, and I apologize that that came off sounding like the Fat Albert tagline, which I did not mean.

[0:46] I apologize. I in no way support Fat Albert, nor the creator of Fat Albert, nor the alien version Fat Albert,

[0:56] who hangs out with his own crew of alien misfits.

[1:00] Fat Albert is in the gift shop looking for Fat Albert license plates.

[1:07] Fat Albert is on the bottom shelf, and he's $5 less than Fat Albert.

[1:15] Yeah. Alright, well.

[1:19] So I'm Elliot Kaelin is what I'm saying.

[1:21] OK, so welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:26] Now, Stuart, you seem tired. Are you tired?

[1:29] Hey, man, you know, I don't know.

[1:31] Maybe sometimes you just had a thing in the eyeballs over and over and you're left reeling, almost senseless.

[1:42] And then you have to do a podcast about it.

[1:44] OK, sure.

[1:47] Oh, you're talking about the movie.

[1:49] Yeah. Dan, what do you think is about like paintballs?

[1:52] I was I was really worried for Stuart for a second.

[1:55] Yeah. I wear protective eyewear when I go paintballing.

[1:58] I was given no such warning when watching the movie.

[2:01] Do we guns and leprechauns now?

[2:05] Now, guys, I did some I prepared some stuff for this movie.

[2:10] Oh, wow. Yeah. OK.

[2:12] Wonderful. So wait first, before you do that, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[2:17] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:20] OK, back to you to kick things off.

[2:23] We guns and leprechauns. What?

[2:28] OK, so that's the prepared material.

[2:31] That's good stuff. That's good stuff.

[2:34] Stuart's reaction is the accurate one to do. We guns, leprechauns.

[2:37] Now, normally we would dick around a while the top of this podcast,

[2:41] but I feel like there's no dicking around that is more dicking around than talking about the movie.

[2:45] We guns and leprechauns, which Dan,

[2:47] how did this movie come to your attention for small member the month where we look at small movies?

[2:53] Because it's small timber, the month that we look at small movies,

[2:56] I was around for options way in advance because it needs to be something that we can all get our hands on,

[3:03] even if it's small. And that was a weird way to put that.

[3:10] Best case scenario, we are chasing a mouse.

[3:14] And Dan sitting here looking at looking at the microphone, saying that with a completely earnest look on his face.

[3:21] And by earnest look, I mean like late actor Jim.

[3:25] Jim Barney.

[3:34] This movie was one of the rare occasions that I took a listener's advice.

[3:40] That's right. I usually don't pay attention to the listeners.

[3:43] But in this case, I did. You consider them to be beneath you.

[3:48] I looked at the. Yeah, you usually only acknowledge a listener when you are deleting comments.

[3:56] Those sheep he mutters to himself as he hits the delete button.

[4:01] Anyway, one of the listeners wrote in with this as a recommendation.

[4:05] And the listeners wrote in. Yeah.

[4:09] Rodin sent me a portrait of myself, a sculpture of myself in the nude.

[4:16] OK. And a portrait. He did both of those things.

[4:19] I was a portrait, a sculpture, a portrait. OK. A portrait of a sculpture.

[4:23] Yeah. OK. I mean, that makes sense. I mean, that sounds like Rodin.

[4:28] I thought he was a giant pterodactyl. My my mistake. I apologize, Dan.

[4:32] So a listener wrote in and said, you got to watch this weekend's Leprechauns movie.

[4:35] And then they include a cyanide capsule with the email.

[4:41] I wish I could. I should go back and see if I can find that.

[4:44] We got some leprechauns letter, actually, now that you say that.

[4:48] But it's it's signed Cypher comma Lewis.

[4:52] Wait a minute. He got us again.

[5:00] So, yeah, guys, what what the hell?

[5:04] So it's going to take us a little bit of time to parse.

[5:07] Do we guns, leprechauns, a movie that I'll just say right off the bat, there's almost no leprechauns in this movie.

[5:12] Let's just say that right there. And we guns, what are they?

[5:15] Well, let's find out, shall we?

[5:18] Should we enter the magical or not at all grotesquely designed world of tweaking guns and leprechauns?

[5:23] Guys, you ready? Can you ever be ready?

[5:27] So just to pull back the curtain now that we watch the movies, I'm basically on our own at this point.

[5:33] And never have I felt more alone than watching guns and leprechauns.

[5:39] But so I made the decision after getting home from work at five thirty in the morning on Friday, perfect time to, you know,

[5:49] maybe it was the half a bottle of tequila coursing through my veins that I'm like, you know what?

[5:54] I'm going to pour myself a bowl of cereal, pop on tweaking guns and leprechauns and do my night lotion before bed.

[6:02] And I got to say, I don't remember a lot of that first that first experience.

[6:07] So you're going to have to help me out.

[6:09] You're going to have to hold my my hand, which is very soft because of my night lotion routine.

[6:13] Oh, it's lovely. Yeah. And you're going to have to walk me through these early scenes.

[6:17] I think something takes place in the Old West times.

[6:20] Yes, you are right now.

[6:22] We can leprechauns, we should say, is a computer generated animated film.

[6:26] Now, this means that a computer was forced to make this thing in what I can only assume will someday be a technology crime when artificial intelligence gets its legal rights.

[6:37] But the movie begins in the year 1849.

[6:40] That's right. The gold rush is in full swing and we're in an Irish wagon camp in the Old West.

[6:45] The animation is already horrifying.

[6:47] It's like what's it called when it is animation that you assume like someone submitted this to be the example for the demo for a very cut rate animated program.

[7:00] And the person who is judging the demos was like, this is not good enough for this program that we're selling for three ninety nine to animate your own movie.

[7:08] And they said, OK, well, I'll make my own movie out of it.

[7:10] What would you call that?

[7:12] Yeah. What would I call that?

[7:14] Yeah. What's that called?

[7:15] Huge, big expression.

[7:17] Yeah.

[7:18] Yeah.

[7:19] You're a talented editor, Dan.

[7:21] You can write some clauses.

[7:23] OK, so I guess I don't know.

[7:25] So anyway, little Billy Fitzgerald, he's an Irish immigrant.

[7:28] He gives a bunch of doughnuts to this camp of little troll things that are camped out right outside the wagon train, and they save him from a bear using a slingshot.

[7:38] And what happens is a bear jumps up behind Billy.

[7:41] The the Juegen or whatever shoots it with a slingshot.

[7:44] And then the bear is suddenly who knows how far away over a cliff and falls through a log and off a cliff.

[7:49] It's like it's so borderline incoherent already.

[7:53] And the Juegens say to Billy, hey, what's your family, the Fitzgeralds?

[7:56] Well, from now on, the Fitzgeralds will be friends of the Juegens forever.

[8:00] And they give him a gold Juegen coin as a keepsake.

[8:03] That's his. That's my gift to you just for ordering.

[8:06] And you don't have to keep what you ordered, but you get to keep the gold coin.

[8:10] Fourteen ninety nine manufacturers suggest that value.

[8:13] And I know I know that I know from watching a lot of Judge Judy that that that constitutes a binding verbal agreement.

[8:21] And you also know that you should not pee on someone's leg and tell them it's raining.

[8:25] As we've talked about before on this podcast, it's not a good way to get out of that situation.

[8:30] And also that Judge Judy seems to know baloney when she hears it.

[8:35] Now, I don't want to we've we've introduced the Juegens.

[8:39] And I know that, you know, everyone on Earth obviously is familiar with everyone's favorite characters, the Juegens.

[8:45] Yeah, we don't need to explain what the Juegens are right there everywhere.

[8:48] But for the one person who's been under a rock and you to whom the word Juegen might seem like the sheerest gibberish.

[8:57] We should explain to that one unlikely person what the Juegens are,

[9:00] which is they're basically big faces with spindly legs and arms coming off of them and and wings.

[9:09] It's like if someone took Mr. Potato Head through that vat of radioactive waste that the guy falls in at the end of Robocop

[9:15] and then pulled him out of the waste and then hit him, hit him with a hammer a bunch of times.

[9:20] Well, you'd end up with is basically a Juegen, except for the one Juegen who's a rock and roll babe,

[9:25] who looks like a kind of sexy baby doll that where the bottom half is a lizard.

[9:30] I guess the reason the reason you're saying a sexy baby doll is because she has multicolored, super long eyebrows.

[9:37] Yes. And also sings kind of inappropriate metal ballad type 80s hair metal ballad types like that.

[9:43] It's about like a song about having sex with a donut.

[9:48] That's one of the ones I'm thinking about. So we learn more about Juegens as they go on.

[9:52] But basically, yeah, radioactive mutant Mr. Potato Heads that look like sometimes look kind of like anti-Jewish caricatures from Nazi literature.

[10:00] and sometimes just look like hideous monsters but they're the heroes and as

[10:05] we will learn later, here's the things we need to know about them. One, they live

[10:08] underground. Two, they mine for gold. Three, they love doughnuts. I don't

[10:14] know what a doughnut is. I apologize. Fat Albert and doughnuts. I'm really pulling a

[10:20] bunch of Dan's today and I don't know why. So they mine for gold, they live

[10:25] underground, they love doughnuts and they alternately solve problems and make

[10:29] problems a thousand times worse depending on what they're doing at the

[10:32] moment. So we cut to the present and Billy, that little boy, he's long dead.

[10:38] That was a hundred and seventy years ago. His great-grandson, who is now an old man,

[10:43] has a horrifying pet cow that he keeps in his house and he talks to one of the

[10:48] lead Juegans, Nosy Threehorn, who is, he says he's a reporter for the Juegan

[10:52] Inquirer. Now we never see him being a reporter. Did you guys expect to at some

[10:57] point see him doing his job? Because I did and it never happened. Thoughts?

[11:02] Well, his reporter persona is really just a cover for his super Juegan persona.

[11:08] Oh, I see. I see. Mild-mannered Nosy Threehorn is actually just super Juegan and

[11:13] with the power to what, be the worst of them? Be the grossest of them? Yeah, be the

[11:17] most unpleasant. And he's the main character Juegan, right? Yeah, he's the main Juegan.

[11:22] He's like, oh wow, guy, come on, let's do this thing. He talks like that, you know.

[11:27] And the old man, this is a children's movie, scene two, the old man flings a

[11:31] pancake so hard that he dies of a heart attack. And Nosy is so tearful and his

[11:38] grief is so funny. And with his dying words, the old man says, contact my

[11:42] relatives. And then we get the opening titles, Juegans and Leprechauns. So we're

[11:48] in the magical world of Juegans, just to remind you again, we've seen a little boy

[11:52] almost killed by a bear and we've seen an old man die of a heart attack because

[11:55] he threw a pancake too hard. So that's the magical, whimsical world of Juegans.

[11:59] Well and it's also, it's captured in like amazingly realistic animation. Yeah, yeah.

[12:07] If there are times when you're watching a current modern-day Pixar movie and

[12:10] you're like, this looks so real, why even bother doing it as animation? I wish I

[12:14] could see something that had a little bit more stylized exaggeration. And then I

[12:18] saw Juegans and Leprechauns and I was like, oh boy, did I wish on a monkey's

[12:22] paw, what happened? I think that the one thing that should not be done is cheap

[12:29] computer animated movies. Like done on the podcast? No, just done as a

[12:35] thing. We should do as many of them on the podcast as we possibly can. I don't

[12:40] think we could possibly do any more, Dan. I'm gonna have to check with my shop

[12:45] steward, but I think this is a breach of my contract. I'm just saying that like

[12:50] you can have beautiful shots in a live-action low-budget film. You can even

[12:55] make a hand-drawn, you know, animated film that's lovely for cheap, but you

[13:03] cannot make a cheap computer animated movie. What about those beautiful shots

[13:07] of the lovingly rendered shots of the San Francisco city line? Mm-hmm.

[13:13] The waves lapping. Yeah, Dan, what about that? With the ocean that looks like a

[13:19] bunch of bubble wrap that's just kind of moving up and down in a sort of

[13:23] simulation of ocean currents? Yeah. So much so that you're like, did Spike

[13:29] Jones swede this sequence? The other thing that just disturbs me about the

[13:34] animation in this is that the adult characters and the kid characters, like

[13:39] the human characters, I mean to say, they all walk like the

[13:45] characters in the Money for Nothing video. They all have that kind of movement.

[13:48] That's what bothered you about them? Was it the fact that their facial

[13:52] features don't seem attached to each other? Yeah, I'm halfway through the

[13:56] sentence. Let's wait till it reaches its terminus. I'm gonna need a conjunction

[14:02] here, Dan, or at least a semicolon. Let me know. While the Dwegons moved like they

[14:07] were weird claymation critters, like there was like this fluid

[14:14] animation with the Dwegons that didn't exist with the humans. Too realistic. But

[14:19] it was like creepy the way it came off. There's a moment later on when

[14:24] Grisso, the Dwegon who loves cars and lives in a house made out of car

[14:28] engines, dances for just like a second. He just does that kind of like break

[14:33] dancing move where your arm does a sine wave and it continues on to your

[14:37] other arm, and it was horrifyingly fluid in a way that I could not accept. It was

[14:42] really gross. So I understand exactly what you're saying, Dan. Good. But yeah,

[14:47] this was the first time I was watching this movie I was like, I miss the

[14:51] visual coherence of Food Fight. And maybe it's just because I'm looking at it in

[14:55] retrospect, but I was like, as ugly and weird as Food Fight was, the

[14:59] characters like occasionally moved like characters in a movie.

[15:05] I don't know, it was just like, maybe, you know what, guys, I got to re-watch Food

[15:08] Fight to see if that's actually true. You guys want to watch it with me? I feel

[15:13] like I want to write a handwritten letter to Sherlock Gnomes and

[15:18] apologize, because that is a startling feat of human creation.

[15:24] Sherlock Gnomes looks great, I mean, and especially, but that's a

[15:28] professional movie, and compared to this, it's like, I agree with you, Stuart. If

[15:32] you can write my name at the bottom of that apology note, that'd be great.

[15:36] Dan, you want to get in on this apology action? Nah, they know what they did. Oh, wow, okay.

[15:43] Okay, the old Sherlockian, still angry at Sherlock Gnomes. Okay, guys, so Nosey, he

[15:49] knows what he needs to do. He goes to a council meeting at the Dwegan Lounge

[15:52] Club in Gold City, and after a very long conversation, they decide to find the

[15:58] relatives. So the Dwegans, they kind of look like 3D, mushy versions of

[16:03] the Blue Meanies from Yellow Submarine, except horrible, and every

[16:09] Dwegan has its own accent and personality. You've got your Southern

[16:12] Belle Dwegan, you've got your English rocker chick Dwegan, you've got your

[16:16] Dwegan who loves cars, you've got your computer nerd Dwegan. I felt like half of

[16:20] them had Brooklyn accents, but maybe I'm just projecting. And most of them had

[16:24] Brooklyn accents. I mean, most of them kind of sounded like this,

[16:27] we're Dwegans, yeah, with this California accent, yeah, because they're in

[16:32] California. And there are a couple moments where I'm like, what is going on

[16:37] in this movie? And this is one of them where they have this long council

[16:40] meeting scene where the joke is that the elderly leader of the council has to

[16:45] keep looking in the book of Dwegan and then coming to the same conclusions that

[16:48] Nosey already came to about how they've got to contact these relatives. And then

[16:52] another Dwegan walks in with a tray of french fries and goes, who wants french

[16:56] fries? And you hear a voice from off-screen go, oh yeah, scene abruptly

[17:00] ends. And I was like, is that a joke? Was that a punchline to the scene? I don't

[17:06] understand. Like, I don't understand how that minute, that moment, I don't understand

[17:10] how it connected to anything else. And it's like, as we learn later, Dwegans love donuts.

[17:14] Why were french fries there? So, I mean, that's just a natural act break,

[17:21] right? I guess so. Also, the Dwegans are all like, they're hanging out in this like

[17:25] club kind of place that has like a bar there. Yeah, it's a real nightclub.

[17:32] Yeah, I know, but it like, it felt like a nightclub to me. Like, it felt like the

[17:36] few times that I've like, I don't know. A few times you've been to a nightclub.

[17:41] Yeah, I've been to a place like that and it just felt very strange to me to have

[17:46] that emotional, like, recall of that experience while watching a children's

[17:52] movie. Yeah, okay, I can see that. Yeah, the idea of like, how you're, you bring a

[17:58] certain, like, you bring your experiences with you when you watch a movie. Yeah,

[18:02] that's really insightful, Dan. Okay. And it kind of changes the whole experience

[18:06] of the movie. All right. Something that maybe even the filmmaker hadn't

[18:12] intended. Yeah, like, Stewart has insulted you by bringing up, I guess, spectator

[18:16] theory. You got served, Dan. So anyway, the Dwegans, I guess, get in touch with the

[18:23] Fitzgeralds. I don't understand how. And Pete Fitzgerald, the old man's, what,

[18:28] nephew, shows up with his son Timmy, his grandma. He's the one who wears the, like,

[18:33] Letterman jacket that says Chicago on it. Yes, yeah, to show he's from the big city,

[18:37] I guess. And he's still reliving his glory days since he is a middle-aged man

[18:42] who is a widower, who's still wearing his varsity jacket. But, because I'll tell

[18:46] you guys, glory days, they'll pass you by. Glory days. In the blink of a young girl's eyes.

[18:51] Glory days. Did you just come up with that on, right now? Yeah, I just made that up.

[18:56] Also, born in the USA. That was, I did, I made that up. Oh, that sounds so patriotic.

[19:00] Yeah, yeah, it's not though. I do like how, I do like how this dad, this dad

[19:05] character. His name is Pete? Yeah, in lieu of, sure, Pete, I guess. In lieu of giving him an

[19:15] actual, like, cleft chin, they just had, like, there's like a weird, slightly off-colored stripe

[19:21] down his chin that kind of looks like the facial markings that most aliens have in the Marvel

[19:26] Cinematic Universe. Yeah, I assumed he had, like, a Maori tattoo from his years abroad.

[19:31] Sure. Yeah, that's what he did for his spring break, is he went to New Zealand and got a Maori

[19:36] tattoo. Like, when I was in high school, you know, way back in the Stone Age.

[19:41] People would go to Mexico. More like the Stoned Age, right, Stuart?

[19:45] Oh, don't tell, don't tell my boss, I'll get fired. And the, but I'll check with my shop,

[19:51] Stuart, and I'll make sure I stick around. The, all the kids went to Mexico and came back with,

[19:56] like, cool braided hair. Well, that was probably the same thing, right?

[20:00] Yeah, yeah, very much so, yeah.

[20:02] Cool, so, uh, my bit's done.

[20:04] It's okay.

[20:05] You have a bit, let's, uh, so I'll bounce past the ball to you, fundamentals.

[20:09] Okay.

[20:10] Um...

[20:11] Uh, Dan, do you want to talk about the family's weird cat that they bring with them?

[20:16] I mean, it's a Persian cat. That doesn't mean it's weird.

[20:19] No, I mean, it is so frighteningly designed and animated.

[20:22] Its head is, it looks like something out of Hausu,

[20:24] and then it disappears after, I think, two scenes.

[20:28] Oh, yeah?

[20:29] I might have missed that part, because I also watched this movie late at night,

[20:33] and I dozed off for a little, right around this point,

[20:36] and then I woke back up.

[20:38] Well, let me, let me fill it in, then.

[20:39] Okay, so they go to the house.

[20:41] Uh, Pete is planning on turning it into a rustic, lovely country inn

[20:45] to make some money, because they don't have any money.

[20:47] And while they're driving there, they're almost run off the road

[20:49] by a Euro-trash couple in a sports car,

[20:51] and the couple talk about how they're going to rob a museum on their honeymoon.

[20:54] And they're like, just, I mean, they're so fake Eastern European

[20:57] that I assumed they were going to turn into vampires at some point.

[21:00] When they get to the house, it literally has a rainbow over it,

[21:03] and Missy, their neighbor, who's an interior designer,

[21:06] and it's implied was close friends with the old man,

[21:09] and maybe had sex with him.

[21:10] It's never quite clear to me.

[21:12] She looks like, like a first pass at a Farmer's Only dating app ad.

[21:17] Yeah, and she is, she's just way too comfortable in this old man's house,

[21:23] which is decrepit.

[21:24] As she describes it, keep in mind this is a children's movie.

[21:27] She says, this house is messier than a bull with a spastic colon.

[21:30] And then not too long after that, the grandma tells Peter,

[21:33] keep your panties on, Peter.

[21:35] And I was like, what children is this movie for?

[21:38] These are okay lines.

[21:40] Yeah, and the fact that the, I'm going to skip ahead a little bit.

[21:44] Well, spastic colon, that joke's for the adults.

[21:46] You know, it's like how Pixar sneaks in some adult material.

[21:50] They always sneak in their uncontrollable shitting jokes.

[21:55] No, what I was saying was that the whole crime subplot,

[22:01] like this movie suffers from that disease that family comedies had in the 80s,

[22:06] where it's like there has to be diamond or drug smuggling involved somehow.

[22:10] Like it's got to come in in the third act kind of to be the conflict,

[22:14] because we don't actually have any other conflict,

[22:15] which is what happens here in Dweegans and Leprechauns too.

[22:18] In the 80s, they were like, kids love three things, diamond or drug smuggling,

[22:23] getting mistaken for a spy, and corporate intrigue.

[22:27] Kids love making sure that corporations don't fall into the hands of the wrong guy.

[22:31] Dan, you were going to say? Sorry, I interrupted you.

[22:33] No, no, no. I forget.

[22:35] And that's why the Dweegans exist,

[22:37] is they're like the sugary syrup to help the other stuff go down.

[22:43] Oh, I assume it's the opposite, that the Jules thieving is in there as the sugar

[22:48] to help kids swallow the Dweegans, which should not be swallowed.

[22:53] So the house is so decrepit that Old Man's pet bull is still in it.

[22:59] I assume he's just been roaming around eating the old man's corpse,

[23:02] and Timmy rides the bull, and the bull, having served its purpose in the plot of the movie,

[23:08] disappears never to be seen again.

[23:11] I assume it's ascended to heaven with the old man.

[23:13] And now you're probably listening to Elliot describe the movie, and you're like,

[23:16] Elliot's description is so jerky and strange, like it has no narrative cohesion.

[23:22] Well, that's kind of how the movie feels.

[23:24] It feels like a string of shots that have nothing to do with each other,

[23:28] and are just edited in willy-nilly.

[23:31] You know how when people are planning screenplays, they'll put index cards on the wall,

[23:35] and each index card is a beat in the film?

[23:37] This feels kind of like all those cards fell off the wall,

[23:40] and then a vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked up half of them.

[23:43] And then they were like, we've got to get the movie made.

[23:45] Just throw those cards up on the wall.

[23:47] And they didn't know the order that they were putting them in, and they made the movie off of that.

[23:50] Because let's get back to the house.

[23:52] It's dangerously decrepit.

[23:53] The dad literally falls through the floor and has to be lassoed by Missy and dragged back up again.

[23:59] Perfect place for a country inn.

[24:01] They use the bull, right?

[24:02] They use the bull to help drag him out.

[24:05] He was almost out of the hole when she lassoed the bull, which seems crazy.

[24:09] He could have just climbed the rest of the way.

[24:11] Yeah, it seems strange.

[24:12] So the Juegans decide, we're going to help the Fitzgeralds.

[24:15] We're going to do it secretly so that they'll just think their luck has turned around.

[24:18] Why? I don't know.

[24:20] Juegan logic.

[24:21] What are you going to do?

[24:22] Those Juegans.

[24:23] Now, I know it's not PC to say this about Juegans.

[24:26] Oh, wow. Uh-oh.

[24:27] Let me be real for a moment.

[24:29] Elliot's on one of his tears again.

[24:31] That's what everyone's afraid to say about Juegans, which is that they're obsessed with luck.

[24:35] And it's like, that's crazy, dude.

[24:37] Just take credit for the nice thing you're doing because the Juegans say we're going to keep ourselves a secret.

[24:42] But then they then reveal themselves to every member of the family within like a day.

[24:47] Let's get to it.

[24:48] But first, that cat gets mad at a Juegan and the southern Belgian Juegan Bronco busts that cat.

[24:53] The cat, again, having served its function in a comedic scene, disappears, vaporized, having accomplished its goal on Earth.

[25:00] No need for that frightening, hairy cat to be around.

[25:03] Okay. Quick scene. Quick scene for Timmy.

[25:06] We're missing all these scenes where the kid's wishing things into the cornfield.

[25:10] They just got cut from a movie.

[25:15] Timmy, we got a brief moment where he asks his dead mom to help from heaven.

[25:19] That goes nowhere.

[25:20] Thanks, Juegans and leprechauns.

[25:22] The Juegans, they're trying to hide a pile of gold nuggets around the house so the humans will stumble on it.

[25:26] But the humans just can't seem to see it.

[25:29] They're so blind.

[25:30] The Juegans, they just have to get in to help.

[25:32] And, of course, Computer Juegan, who has a chin like a scrotum but is bright purple, he decides to –

[25:38] I feel like all of them have skin that's basically like the texture of an orange, right?

[25:45] Yeah, yeah.

[25:46] It's all oddly lumpy.

[25:48] Now, if I was being complimentary, if I was like this movie's parent and I wanted to take an insult and turn it into a compliment, I'd be like, well, it's a riot of textures.

[25:57] It's a riot of color and texture.

[25:59] It challenges the eye from moment to moment.

[26:02] It's a riot of people overdoing their voice acting by about 75%.

[26:08] And so this Computer Juegan, he buys their furniture by hacking into a furniture auctions server and changing the prices.

[26:15] Now, guys, his computer skills are kind of coming pretty handy later, so I'm glad they put this in here to foreshadow it.

[26:22] Meanwhile, okay, these Russian mobsters who live and work in a warehouse, they want to steal some jewels, the Prague Sun, the pride of Prague, which is going to be at the San Francisco Historical Museum, which seems like it's kind of outside the purview of the San Francisco Historical Museum.

[26:37] I don't know how the crown jewels of Prague enter into San Francisco's rich and storied history, but I don't know the whole history of San Francisco, the golden city, so perhaps Prague is big there.

[26:48] Now, here's a mistake.

[26:49] Now, the bad guy's accent makes the word jewels sound like Jews.

[26:53] So for a while I thought he was talking about stealing the Jews of Prague, and I was like, this movie got crazy.

[26:58] Yeah, I was – I took the early precaution to throw on those closed captions.

[27:04] Good idea.

[27:05] Yeah, that helped out in that department.

[27:07] They should have called this movie Juegans and Captions because they're very necessary for understanding it.

[27:13] You guessed it.

[27:14] Those young lovers we saw earlier are going to be hired by the mobsters to steal the jewels.

[27:18] Their names are Vlad and I think Katiana.

[27:21] That's possible, yeah.

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:24] Grandma, she catches a Juegan trying to steal a donut.

[27:27] She's cool with it.

[27:28] She feeds him pancakes.

[27:29] Meanwhile, Timmy is exploring the basement and meets Nosy.

[27:32] Nosy takes him to the platform that you go to to get to Juegan land or gold city, whatever it's called.

[27:39] Now, allow me to explain the science of this because it's pretty complicated, but it makes sense when you work it out.

[27:44] So he's shot with, quote, a harmless rainbow laser beam, which shrinks Timmy down to Juegan size.

[27:52] And the way you do it – Dan, do you remember the magic words?

[27:55] You say Juegan twice?

[27:56] You say Juegan to shrink, and to get big, you say Jueg off.

[28:01] So – but before he says Juegan, Nosy says –

[28:04] What the fuck does Jueg mean?

[28:06] It's – I don't know because it doesn't make sense.

[28:10] Later on they name the hotel the Juegan, and everyone is just like, yeah, Juegan.

[28:14] Make sure – make sense.

[28:15] Yeah, Jueg.

[28:16] I don't get it.

[28:17] Yeah, when they decide to name the fucking place the Juegan, they first say, no one can know about us.

[28:24] You have to keep our existence secret.

[28:26] And then they're like – they name the place after themselves?

[28:29] And then they're always hanging around.

[28:31] Like they don't do a very good job of hiding themselves.

[28:33] But so he – but you do have a kid yelling Jueg off, which sounds like a curse from a movie set in the future or something like that.

[28:41] They go to Juegan Land.

[28:42] It's a magical place.

[28:43] Timmy almost falls to his death off a rickety bridge right away, and we find out that Juegan Land is powered by rainbow energy.

[28:51] So there's a brief moment Missy and Grandma talk about the death of Pete's wife and how Pete is lonely.

[28:55] We all know that he's going to hook up with Missy.

[28:57] It has to happen.

[28:58] And then we go back to Nosy's tour of Juegan Land, which I'll just say this.

[29:02] I admire the way this movie handles Juegan Land in that this tour explains their energy uses, their transportation, their housing.

[29:12] The entire utility infrastructure of Juegan Land is explained, and kids love that.

[29:18] They also cover the fact that Juegans respect their elders.

[29:22] It's not a bad thing to grow old.

[29:25] In fact, it's celebrated.

[29:26] There's this weird part where he goes, yeah, this is the best house for the old people.

[29:29] The elders get the best of everything, and it's like, are you trying to make me feel bad, Nosy, for prioritizing youth in my media?

[29:38] Dan, how did you feel about it?

[29:39] Dan, as someone who is rapidly getting older, how did you feel knowing that in the Juegan City you'd be celebrated?

[29:45] Oh, I missed that part, but that sounds pretty good.

[29:50] How do I get there?

[29:51] Well, you get there by going to a harmless rainbow laser beam and saying Juegan.

[29:55] I think you've got a shot with that punk girl Juegan.

[30:00] do you mind women that have no sex characteristics at all and also have like weird baby dragon bodies

[30:06] yeah but are still kind of gross because they have like where sex characteristics i'd be don't know

[30:12] why you have to judge her so much yeah dan don't i don't mean to body shame this this this weekend

[30:18] lady i apologize no but here's where we learned that the city is runs on captured uh rainbow power

[30:25] and people surf on rainbows oh the surfing on rainbows part was pretty crazy where he's like

[30:30] hey kid do you want to try it it's like no and then they never do it like yeah what cut it's like

[30:39] the the what kind of movie introduces like a fictional export extreme sport and then the

[30:45] characters are like nah i'm good and they don't do it at all it makes no sense uh but i guess

[30:51] for the sequel and he and the and knows he's even like yeah it's good exercise but i'm like

[30:57] the real exercise of of uh surfing is the like paddling out there once you catch the wave like

[31:04] that's just fun dude so do they have to paddle up a fucking rainbow damn i think they do

[31:11] i uh yeah this is the part of the movie though where i'm just like all right well this is

[31:15] a weird psychedelic freak out and i i'm wondering whether my sanity will remain intact

[31:25] after seeing mandy earlier this week this is far more horrifying but it's like a municipal pamphlet

[31:30] in the form of a psychedelic freak out because they're like here's the building made out of

[31:34] socks it's our town hall where the laws of dwegan lands are made and it's like what why would a kid

[31:40] care about that it's like that they were watching the wizard of oz and they were like this yellow

[31:44] brick road will take you where you want to go and they go kids love roads of course let's say kids

[31:49] love knowing how cities work or like if in uh if in the hobbit they were like well we're gonna have

[31:56] to go to uh what's the name of them of the we're gonna have to go to smogs lair here's how smogs

[32:01] the lonely mountain we're gonna have to go to lonely mountain and here's how the septic tanks

[32:06] on lonely mountain work because you gotta believe a dragon's gonna have a lot of bms so allow me to

[32:10] explain bilbo and bilbo would be like fascinating i love this and that's the thing that's actually

[32:16] the beauty of all of tolkien's writing is that there's no uh there's no extra stuff it's all

[32:22] oh yeah it cuts it to the bone he's like elmore he's the elmore leonard of fantasy

[32:28] yeah uh that's what they say about tolkien not a wasted word in the bunch now there is a moment

[32:36] where they explain uh how dwegans eat donuts exclusively and that dwegan a donut is not

[32:44] unhealthy in fact it's extra healthy and i'm sure you guys were like me and i just nodded my head

[32:48] i'm like sounds good yeah he describes as being like broccoli for them they do you know it's

[32:55] dwegans have different biology than us and as you've seen they don't mind being disgustingly

[33:00] sphere-shaped and lumpy so they really like that stuff uh now here's some things we also

[33:05] learned that as they're riding along the major dwegan expressway that's a joke for the kids

[33:11] kids love jokes about the major deacon expressway about regional highways kids love it uh we learned

[33:18] that do we uh so nosy tells the story of the ancient dwegans which is that in the 19th century

[33:23] the leprechauns who came to america from ireland had sex with local fairies and dwegans were born

[33:29] we need to see that initial courting right yes they swear dance on a man's carpet

[33:36] and the the way it's shot where it keeps like cutting to like the lips of the fairies

[33:43] and like this the shimmy of their hips and you're like what is going on here cuts to a 30-minute

[33:49] sex scene of the two of them and like yeah and uh and the uh the leprechauns hair gets all ruffled

[33:55] because they're all hot and bothered oh yeah yeah starts saying things about his shillelagh we all

[34:00] know what he's talking about it's gross anyway uh they go to the rock club of sofia the rock and

[34:05] roll dwegan and she plays her ballad about how she's got a hole in her heart tonight and only

[34:09] you can fill it it's not really a kid-friendly song i guess is what i'm saying i do i do like

[34:14] that she's playing the song to a crowd of no one and our our two travelers arrive uh with the piano

[34:23] staircase and they walk in and we get to see her play her song a little bit and it cuts to them and

[34:28] they're immediately enjoying the music by just jumping up and down i gotta assume they're just

[34:35] trying to make her feel better it's like that horrible improv everywhere prank where they

[34:39] all went to a local band's show and pretended they were huge fans of the band right they're

[34:43] doing that to her they're just gaslighting her so they can convince her to be a big star

[34:47] so that she'll i guess what sign over the rights to her songs dan what's their plan what's their

[34:52] scheme what are they doing uh well they know yeah they know that the publishing rights to the songs

[34:57] is where the sweet money is you get all that uh i mean you get that ass cap money you get uh money

[35:05] when it's used in commercials it's all it's all it's all it's that's okay so they're trying to

[35:11] trick her out of her yeah millions yeah yeah so uh nosy says to timmy we're gonna help your dad

[35:15] get the gold he needs to build his in in exchange but in a way sorry to interrupt elliott but in a

[35:20] way aren't they doing her a favor because by keeping her like lean and hungry like i feel like

[35:25] she'll be she'll have a better creative output you know like like the difference of like early

[35:31] metallica versus late metallica when they're rich and not as talented i say so you were saying that

[35:37] a long time ago they were met talented and now they're talentless i don't totally agree i spit

[35:43] out the bones a great song of their most recent album uh there's a reason they put it last on

[35:48] the album because if you would not have stuck around with the album if that was the first song

[35:52] you would have been like great i got it these other ones don't quite add up but uh anyway that

[35:57] was uh stewart and elliott go after metallica uh if you have if you want to tell lars that we did

[36:02] that and get us beaten up just write to lars alrich care of metallica one two three millionaire

[36:08] road anywhere usa dollar sign dollar sign dollar sign dollar sign dollar sign the zip code is made

[36:14] up dollar signs uh so okay so they say we'll give you the gold but you got to give us five

[36:20] thousand donuts and it seems like that might be a challenge for timmy and he goes but then knows he

[36:25] goes the old man had a deal with the donut shop in town that he would give him donut donuts in

[36:29] exchange for gold dust okay great so why did you need timmy to facilitate this transaction seems

[36:35] like you got it taken care of and since most of the time when people sit now if you saw a

[36:38] dwegan in real life dan what would your reaction be give me your honest reaction i would try and

[36:43] crush it with my boot yes i think all of us would we would scream in horror and try to kill it but

[36:48] in this movie when people see dwegans they act as if a regular person just walked by like they they

[36:53] respond to dwegans the same way you would respond to like a mailman where you're like oh okay yeah

[36:59] do you have something for me great nice to meet you the bye the dwegans do suggest that adults

[37:04] have a more difficult time accepting them but that doesn't seem to be the case no the adults

[37:10] are just ready to they're ready to get on the d train that d you know what it stands for

[37:14] what dwegan okay i don't know why that was a mystery for you dan no that's good

[37:21] were you hoping the d stood for dan that you wanted to be in the movie

[37:27] now why is this movie called dwegans and leprechauns like my theory my literal theory

[37:31] is that people were like nobody knows what the fuck a dwegan is like shove some what shove

[37:36] some leprechauns on there well why don't they just go all the way then and call the movie

[37:40] uh leprechauns and leprechauns equals dwegans leprechauns and leprechauns would be a pretty

[37:46] good name for it i do think using a math problem as a title hasn't been done before

[37:54] uh now here's the yeah it's true dan uh what so let's let's take that idea to its farthest limits

[38:00] the title is a math problem uh fairies plus leprechauns equals dwegans you think that

[38:05] would somehow be clearer than the title dwegans and leprechauns i do

[38:12] you know i mean like yeah because it's a math problem and people would immediately assume it's

[38:15] a title for a movie and so they should watch this movie that's roughly 100 what an hour and 38

[38:22] minutes that's this is a yeah it's crazy that how that this movie manages to be as long as it is

[38:26] now dan people love math you you hit the nail on the head with that you always see people doing

[38:31] math for fun actually i guess they do it's called sudoku but uh but that's not like math math you

[38:37] just need to know numbers uh so you want to tap into that untapped math for fun market like we

[38:43] don't know the people who go to those uh those pub math nights where they compete to see if they can

[38:48] get the math faster than anybody else and let's not forget how much money mathletes make uh and

[38:52] all those endorsement deals well and math magicians everyone's favorite type of magician

[38:57] now what makes a mathemagician different from a regular magician well a regular magician does

[39:02] something impressive like disappearing uh-huh where as a mathemagician gets a couple of numbers

[39:09] from you and does go through a bunch of sequences of uh of of expressions what do you say what do

[39:18] you call them equations problems equations he does a bunch of equations math problems and then he's

[39:23] like oh your number was zero and you're like oh great you somehow processed everything through a

[39:28] bunch of math problems that turned it into zero you're saying that uh a mathematician dan have

[39:34] you been uh practicing your close-up mathic this guy is on fire okay so uh timmy pretends to find

[39:47] the gold great and then uh this there's another scene that kind of sums up the movie for me which

[39:53] is two hideously ugly dwegans a very extreme close-up of them one picks up the phone makes a

[39:59] call

[40:00] We sit there and watch as the phone rings multiple times,

[40:04] and then he just says, they got the gold, TTYL,

[40:07] and the scene is over.

[40:08] It's like, it has everything that's wrong with this movie

[40:11] where the scene is pointless.

[40:12] We don't need to know that, and it's taking up time

[40:15] that could be used explaining what the fuck we're watching.

[40:18] Two.

[40:19] I mean, it's to continue the, it's to go along

[40:21] with the idea we talked about on the last episode

[40:23] of scenes in movies that don't necessarily, you know,

[40:27] relate to the plot, but are, you know,

[40:29] just a nice little piece of flavor.

[40:31] That's true, yeah, it's just adding rich sauce to it.

[40:33] Okay, one, it's a scene that we don't need to see.

[40:36] Two, you are forced to look at these horrible dwegans

[40:40] as they do a very mundane thing, and three,

[40:45] yeah, they're just like, they're not doing anything.

[40:47] Like, you're just sitting there with these horrible designs

[40:49] where they literally wait on the phone for it to ring,

[40:52] like, and then it abruptly ends

[40:54] when there could be a conversation of some kind.

[40:56] It's like the movie is constantly bringing you

[40:58] into scenes that don't make any sense, take forever,

[41:01] and then abruptly ends when they might be going somewhere.

[41:03] Dan, prove me wrong, counterpoint.

[41:07] Dan, you're taking the part in this debate.

[41:08] Dwegans and Leprechauns is a great movie

[41:10] that makes a lot of sense, and your opening statement.

[41:14] Like the works of Jodorowsky, Dwegans and Leprechauns

[41:18] draws upon a rich, mystic tradition.

[41:23] Strong opening.

[41:24] And its psychedelia opens your mind

[41:28] to a new way of storytelling.

[41:32] Wow, Dan, I think you proved me wrong.

[41:35] They should put that blurb

[41:36] on the box of Dwegans and Leprechauns.

[41:38] Opens your mind to a new idea of storytelling.

[41:40] Dan McCoy, The Pop House.

[41:41] No, actually, Dan McCoy, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

[41:44] Yeah, and just put a little picture

[41:46] of Jodorowsky on the box, too.

[41:50] It says, it Yoda rocks, Alejandro Jodorowsky.

[41:54] Director, Magic Mountain.

[41:58] Wait, director of the Magic Mountain?

[42:00] Yeah, right?

[42:01] I thought it was Holy Mountain.

[42:03] Oh, sorry, Holy Mountain, you're right.

[42:04] It's the Holy Mountain, I apologize.

[42:04] Yeah, Magic Mountain sounds like a theme park ride.

[42:07] It is a theme, there is a theme park.

[42:09] Magic Mountain is a theme park, yeah.

[42:10] Okay.

[42:11] But Jodorowsky founded it.

[42:13] Oh, whoa.

[42:15] He was gonna do a movie

[42:16] based on the video game, Roller Coaster Tycoon.

[42:18] And instead he said,

[42:20] what's a more realistic experience than a movie?

[42:25] An actual experience.

[42:26] So he started this Jodorowsky themed theme park,

[42:29] but Holy Mountain, he didn't own the rights to the name.

[42:32] And they told him, just call it El Topo Land.

[42:35] And he said, no, no, no, there's already El Topo Europe,

[42:38] which is a European theme park.

[42:40] And so they named it Magic Mountain instead.

[42:42] And that's the story of the Jodorowsky theme park.

[42:45] Back to Juegens and Leprechauns,

[42:47] a movie that Dan McCoy describes as,

[42:50] how did he describe it?

[42:51] A psychedelic feast for the senses?

[42:53] Yes, that's right.

[42:54] Close enough.

[42:55] So anyway, the Juegens are,

[42:57] now construction is in earnest on the house.

[42:59] Now, and I guess they're paying the construction workers

[43:01] in gold nuggets.

[43:02] And the Juegens are worried that the construction

[43:04] is gonna cave in Juegenland underneath the house.

[43:07] So they sabotage the equipment

[43:09] and then reveal themselves to the dad immediately and say,

[43:12] hey, we're worried that if you dig here,

[43:14] it's gonna hurt Juegenland.

[43:15] Here's an alternate construction plan

[43:17] and here's some gold bars to pay for it.

[43:19] And you should name the hotel the Juegen.

[43:21] And they tie him up and there's a couple of scenes of him.

[43:24] So this is the only scene in the movie

[43:26] where the father is not wearing his trademark jacket,

[43:28] but instead he's wearing, you know,

[43:31] like a white sleeveless, like a white tank top.

[43:35] He's in his pajamas, right?

[43:37] I was trying to come up with an inoffensive name for that.

[43:40] Yeah, I think sleeveless shirt is the way to go.

[43:42] I understand your problem there.

[43:44] And there's a lot of shots of him,

[43:46] kind of straining at his bonds.

[43:48] And I thought it was kind of sexy, right?

[43:52] And his hair is all messed up.

[43:53] I'm like, yeah, I'm into it.

[43:55] Yeah, this is how fetishes start.

[43:58] Yeah, thanks, Juegens.

[44:01] Now it's weird when a kid's movie

[44:03] is actually more weirdly sexual

[44:06] than the deviant art based on it.

[44:09] But I think Juegens' Leprechauns

[44:11] is managed to pull that off.

[44:13] Guys, now we've got some trouble.

[44:15] Things are going great at the inn,

[44:16] the Juegen, as they name it,

[44:18] a name that I'm sure has led many a traveler to say, what?

[44:23] Is Jueg the name of the guy who made it?

[44:25] Oh, and someone goes, oh, it's a play on the word Juegen.

[44:28] And the other person goes, what is a Juegen?

[44:30] Well, how is that?

[44:31] Yeah, yeah, then their eyes melt out of their face.

[44:36] Like an atom bomb go off right at that moment?

[44:39] I feel like, I mean, it's one of those names

[44:41] that's so common that like you go to almost any town

[44:43] and there's a Juegen, right?

[44:46] That's the thing.

[44:46] If you go to a Juegen,

[44:47] you're gonna get the same great service.

[44:49] It's not the most luxurious place,

[44:52] but you're gonna get clean sheets, a warm bath,

[44:54] and weird scrotum looking Mr. Potato Head lump monsters

[44:58] that tie you up in the middle of the night.

[45:00] That's just the service you can expect

[45:01] at any Juegen location, coast to coast.

[45:04] Now, Dan, you were gonna buy a Juegen franchise

[45:06] and open one up in Brooklyn.

[45:07] How's that working out?

[45:11] You're still looking for investors, right?

[45:13] Yeah, well, I think, I mean,

[45:16] I know that you've been trying to put together

[45:17] your own video presentation to entice investors,

[45:21] but I don't think you have to do the work.

[45:22] You could just show them this movie, Dan.

[45:24] Yeah.

[45:25] Oh, actually, I was gonna say that that had been the problem

[45:27] is I show PowerPoints

[45:29] and the PowerPoints include photos of the Juegens.

[45:31] Okay.

[45:32] And everyone runs screaming in the room at that point.

[45:35] Fair point, fair point.

[45:36] But that was originally your plan.

[45:37] They were gonna do that, but as they run,

[45:39] all their money would fall out of their pockets

[45:41] and they would just keep it all up with a shovel.

[45:43] And their jewels.

[45:44] And their jewels.

[45:45] Yeah, sure.

[45:47] So those thieves we mentioned earlier,

[45:49] they steal the Prague Sun

[45:50] and they go to hide out at the Juegen Inn.

[45:53] The Juegens, of course, giving you the service

[45:55] that is, you know, just standard at a Juegen,

[45:58] go through their bags and find the Prague Sun jewel.

[46:01] They think it's a gold donut.

[46:02] They take it and put it on display underground.

[46:05] This is pretty common in this kind of like crime,

[46:09] you know, this kind of crime noir like storytelling

[46:11] where you have multiple stories.

[46:12] Oh yeah, it's a real Red Rock West.

[46:14] Yeah, that seemed to be like,

[46:16] yeah, slowly like merging to this inevitable confrontation.

[46:20] Oh yeah, oh, I'm sorry.

[46:21] I should say more of a two days in the valley.

[46:23] Yeah, this was a two Juegens in the valley type scenario.

[46:24] Although there is a moment where the two criminals

[46:28] double cross the third member of their gang

[46:30] by spraying him in the eyes and what,

[46:32] like kicking him out of the back of their car or something.

[46:36] In this movie?

[46:37] Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.

[46:39] This Weasley guy who works for the Russian mobster,

[46:41] they say, we're gonna blame this on you.

[46:43] And that doesn't, the mobster doesn't believe that.

[46:46] He knows to go after these two.

[46:49] So the Juegens put on display

[46:51] and Sophia sings the aforementioned song

[46:53] Stuart mentioned earlier about wanting to have sex

[46:55] with a donut.

[46:58] It goes on for a while too, right?

[46:59] And then I think she starts playing another song.

[47:01] But the thieves-

[47:02] Do they steal the, do the Juegens steal it from the thieves

[47:05] because it looked like a donut?

[47:08] They thought it was a golden donut.

[47:09] They didn't realize it was the son of Prague or whatever.

[47:12] No, no, they're not that familiar

[47:13] with Eastern European jewels, which to be fair,

[47:17] they're Juegens, they live underground.

[47:19] They don't seem to have regular television reception

[47:21] that we know they have, we know they're on the internet

[47:23] and we know they have phones,

[47:24] but maybe they've never been

[47:25] to the San Francisco Historical Museum.

[47:27] They're not members, certainly.

[47:28] They don't get the calendar mailed to them that says,

[47:30] what mark out these days,

[47:32] we're gonna have the Prague sun for a limited time.

[47:34] And here's, we're not gonna show you a picture of it

[47:36] because it's a hideously ugly piece of garbage,

[47:38] but we want you to come in and see it.

[47:40] We're just gonna tell you it's impressive.

[47:41] We're not actually gonna show it to you.

[47:42] So they haven't seen any of that.

[47:44] So they don't know what it is.

[47:44] They assume it's just kind of, again,

[47:46] as anyone would assume, a golden donut.

[47:48] Now here's the question, when you're a Juegen,

[47:51] doesn't everything kind of look like a donut?

[47:54] Yeah, because this thing doesn't actually,

[47:56] I mean, it doesn't really look like a donut.

[47:58] It's got a bunch of shiny prongs coming out of it.

[48:01] It's just round.

[48:02] When you look at a donut

[48:03] and you're like in a really good mood,

[48:06] doesn't it kind of look like-

[48:07] You guys got shiny prongs coming out of it?

[48:08] Yeah, it's like shining.

[48:11] Sure.

[48:12] Yeah, it's like a donut is starring in a Disney cartoon

[48:14] and those light beams,

[48:15] those sunbeams are coming out of its head.

[48:17] You look out and-

[48:18] The way the sun like glints off of the glaze on the donut.

[48:23] Or you see the star that leads you to Jesus,

[48:25] but it's a donut instead.

[48:27] What?

[48:28] I mean, Dan, if a donut led people to Jesus,

[48:30] we'd have a lot more Christians in this world.

[48:31] Am I right?

[48:34] Yes.

[48:35] People love donuts, that's what I'm saying.

[48:36] Why is Elliot winking at you, Dan?

[48:38] I don't know.

[48:39] Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink.

[48:41] Dan, have you heard the good news about donuts?

[48:44] They're delicious.

[48:46] I have heard that.

[48:48] Oh, okay.

[48:49] Well, so Stuart, have you heard the good news?

[48:52] Am I the first?

[48:52] Is this only news to me?

[48:54] Was everyone else aware of this already?

[48:56] So guys, this is around where the criminals

[48:59] realize their donut trophy has been stolen.

[49:02] Yeah, they hold everyone at gunpoint

[49:04] and Timmy goes-

[49:05] And by guns, I mean there's one pistol and one Uzi.

[49:08] Yes.

[49:10] Because this is apparently a Shane Black movie.

[49:14] This is the end of Iron Man 3,

[49:16] so that's what they've got.

[49:18] They certainly don't have Iron Man armor

[49:19] because why would anyone use Iron Man armor

[49:21] in an Iron Man movie?

[49:23] Just send them to a warehouse full of boxes,

[49:25] or I guess it's a loading dock,

[49:26] just put guns in their hands, Shane Black.

[49:29] Look, I don't even want to talk about that guy

[49:30] for obvious reasons.

[49:32] Anyway, so Timmy, he takes everybody

[49:35] except grandma to Dweganland,

[49:37] shrinks them down.

[49:38] They don't seem to have a problem with this.

[49:39] The Russian, and they just,

[49:41] the thieves just start shooting up Dweganland.

[49:42] Meanwhile, the Russian mob shows up at the inn,

[49:45] but the Russian mobster,

[49:46] he kind of takes a sweet tooth interest towards grandma,

[49:49] if you know what I mean.

[49:50] I mean, she's pretty awesome.

[49:54] She's presenting pretty hard too.

[49:56] Like, she's thirsty.

[49:59] Yeah, she's down to pass.

[50:00] I mean grandma might as well like if anything at a certain point it becomes

[50:05] embarrassing just how desperate she is for this mobster just like give it to

[50:10] her you know but I think she's I think I think she's like like gaslighting him

[50:14] like she's leading him on to try and trick him oh maybe I'm not she's like

[50:19] who's this creep with a ponytail and glasses sunglasses I think it's more

[50:24] this who's this creep with the sunglasses and ponytail okay cool

[50:29] grandma likes okay this is pretty cool yeah so the dwegans have to defend

[50:35] themselves but according to the book of Dwegan they can't use guns so instead

[50:38] they just shoot potato bazookas at them that's right

[50:41] tons of potatoes pretty big loophole in the thing like oh you can't use guns but

[50:46] you can use a gun-shaped thing that shoots a projectile I don't know I don't

[50:51] know who like wrote these fucking Dwegan laws and who's enforcing them but

[50:54] I think a potato gun it sounds un-american yeah yeah well guys I don't

[51:04] know what to tell you you're right I'm not gonna stand up and argue that the

[51:08] Dwegan Constitution isn't full of loopholes or as they call them donut

[51:12] holes because they're obsessed with fucking doughnuts yeah but look maybe

[51:15] it's an imperfect document but the Dwegans who wrote it we're not perfect

[51:20] Dwegans and we're fooling ourselves to think that they had all the answers it

[51:23] was written hundreds of years ago times have really changed for Dwegans maybe

[51:27] it's time to have a new Dwegstutional Convention where we can finally rewrite

[51:31] the Dwegan Constitution to reflect the modern world Dan what would you suggest

[51:37] well we got to make the emoluments clause a lot clearer we probably need to

[51:44] start from the top got to make it okay we got to make it clear that no one's

[51:49] above prosecution including the president of the United States well okay

[51:53] when I don't president of the Dwegans yeah let's remind you again this is

[51:56] about the Dwegan Constitution I'm sorry it's just not over the president of the

[52:00] United States it would be interesting if Dwegan law had power over the US

[52:07] government I mean America won't even give itself we're going to give the

[52:10] International Criminal Court jurisdiction the idea that we're just

[52:13] gonna accept Dwegans rolling in and telling us how to run our business seems

[52:17] pretty unrealistic let's just say that but anyway wishful thinking yes the

[52:25] Dwegans drive back the thieves with their potatoes and then Sophia zaps them

[52:28] with electricity from her guitar which is a power I didn't know she or anyone

[52:32] had which is after this after they shrunk the thieves yeah yeah they're all

[52:36] intriguing right now yeah and so the thieves find a place that was mentioned

[52:40] earlier which I thought was called Dargan's hell but it holds prisoner a

[52:44] guy named Devarigan who is a bad guy Dwegan who loves gold and they free him

[52:50] and his cronies in exchange for his health and this is what you know it's a

[52:53] good movie when the ultimate bad guy is introduced 20 minutes before the end of

[52:59] the film and suddenly the movie becomes about stopping him when you've never

[53:03] known this character existed before Dan tell us about Devarigan how did he

[53:08] strike you was he the one to look kind of like a dragon yes like a dragon he

[53:14] wore like a chainmail shirt really a really big impression on me since I had

[53:18] to ask that question about him I mean he's literally the big bad villain of

[53:22] the movie yeah he's about the same size as he's about the same size as the dad

[53:28] character right I get once the dad's shrunken down yeah not not that would be

[53:34] crazy if he was like six feet tall that now the dad does so Devarigan everyone's

[53:40] afraid of him and there start setting up defenses bargain takes forever to get to

[53:44] the rest of the Dwegans the Dwegans they're shooting bad guys potatoes

[53:47] everyone's fighting the dad actually punches Devarigan so hard that he knocks

[53:50] him down and then runs away so it's like why don't you just press the attack

[53:54] against Devarigan it seemed like you could just kicked him in in the head

[53:57] until he was gone but there's only one way to stop Devarigan and by that I mean

[54:01] two ways one throw oil and bees at him which they do and then have your

[54:06] computer Dwegan get in touch with the Chinese Dwegan land which teleports a

[54:11] robot to them that has force field breath that traps all the bad guys and

[54:15] now guys let's take a minute to talk about Dwegan land China which is

[54:19] mentioned once very early in the movie yeah Robert McKee is just sitting there

[54:28] nodding going yes you did the work yes I'll accept it now Dwegan land China I

[54:33] thought it was a throwaway joke but it turns out if there's Dwegan lands all

[54:37] over the world and the Chinese Dwegan land somehow feels both like they're

[54:41] pandering to the Chinese market and being racist in a way that I can't quite

[54:45] it but it feels like a racist pander and not of course and by pandering to the

[54:50] Chinese market I'm not talking about pandas but with a Brooklyn accent and

[54:53] saying pander that's not what I'm doing they didn't have one Dwegan who looked

[55:00] very Buddha like yeah and that was the part that made me feel like

[55:06] uncomfortable with the whole concept because what the reason I made Dan

[55:11] uncomfortable is because he's like if they are they look like caricatures of

[55:17] you know Chinese people does that mean the American Dwegans are meant to look

[55:22] like us yeah it tore open my brain yeah and Dan

[55:29] poke at his scrotal chin and watched it jiggle in the mirror my god we are

[55:35] Dwegans aren't we I do like how the the the Chinese Dwegans use computers with

[55:42] like multi-fingered like metal hands like the computer operators in Ghost in

[55:48] the Shell yeah so they can type more more more keys at once it's a weird

[55:54] moment and most of that if you watch the credits most of the people who worked on

[55:59] this movie were Chinese like everyone who worked on it in a technical capacity

[56:02] it seems was Chinese so it's like well what do they think about this scene or

[56:07] were they did they love it anyway so the movie ended the way it the only way it

[56:12] could by Chinese Dwegans turning they're sending a robot to them that traps the

[56:17] bad guys with force breath the Dwegans celebrate with how else Sophia's rock

[56:21] and roll show missy and dad dance and kiss and there are fireworks that erupt

[56:25] that spell Dwegans as if to remind the Dwegans who the fuck they are here's the

[56:32] thing I learned about this movie Dwegans love Dwegans and they love talking about

[56:35] Dwegans like there's no subject they care about more than themselves but the

[56:39] mobsters are still in the house luckily the Dwegans stopped them almost

[56:42] instantly they return the Prague Sun to the museum and the mobsters on TV being

[56:46] arrested and he's shouting to the grandma going grandma Fitz call me call

[56:50] me into the copy go stop pushing me stop pushing it call me stop pushing and it

[56:54] was the one moment the movie I laughed genuinely that I thought it was kind of

[56:57] funny that he just the way he was delivering the line was like stop

[57:00] pushing please but uh the end is now all booked up they're famous and everything

[57:06] is great and as the credits roll nosy starts yelling things at the audience

[57:11] and you think this is gonna be a runner but I think they ran out of stuff for

[57:15] him to say he only does it twice and the credits roll over the original production

[57:21] art and design art for the movie which is all terrifying which it looks

[57:25] horrifying and you see sculptures they must have made of the Dwegans and

[57:29] they're so frightening and for a moment I thought that it was like in a movie

[57:33] where like I thought for a moment that it was like the room where they're like

[57:36] we showed you the fake versions now I'm sorry a disaster artist was like we

[57:40] showed you the fake room now we'll show you the real room and for this one

[57:44] moment I was like wait are Dwegans real so frightened but luckily they're just

[57:49] hideous statues that I hope somebody finds and mails to us that we can use

[57:53] them to scare each other yeah as we create our own Guillermo del Toro style

[57:58] museum of horror museum of crap some things that just should not be realized

[58:02] in three dimensions now I wasn't I was a little bit bummed about in the final

[58:08] confrontation against a bargain they reveal that his real name is like

[58:14] Dennis or something it's Darryl Darryl or something and they make a point of

[58:19] like taunting him and teasing him with that name and I'm like dude why all the

[58:24] bullying right yeah very fair why do you have to sink below like why do you have

[58:30] to sink to that level it's just shoot him with a potato gun as Nietzsche once

[58:36] said when we hunt for two bargains we become two bargains ourselves which is

[58:41] true it's just true they're no better than the bad guy at that moment now

[58:45] during Dwegan land during the fight with the bargain much of tweaking land is

[58:49] destroyed and the Dwegans don't seem to mind that much and I was like oh I get

[58:54] it they're gonna build a new Dwegan land to replace the old one and everyone's

[58:57] gonna be happy no they don't they don't care doesn't matter yeah I mean they're

[59:01] already living in garbage it's like this movie it's like the movie you know

[59:08] sometimes when there'll be a movie and they'll do a sequel to that movie that

[59:12] has a new creative team and they won't they won't address the plot threads from

[59:16] the previous movie like the like the Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher Batman

[59:20] movies we are like I guess this is supposed to be the same Batman but like

[59:24] everything's different and the rules of the world have changed that's what the

[59:27] scenes in this movie feel like I feel like I was watching like it felt like I

[59:33] watched the entire Dwegan film series but from movie to movie they didn't care

[59:37] from one moment to the next so so things just disappear they happen and no one

[59:41] bothers and every now and then sure you get a beautiful moment like Grisso the

[59:46] car-loving Dwegan taking a hideously filthy bath in the sink while using the

[59:52] dad's toothbrush as a loofah which leads the dad to them sit down on the toilet

[59:56] and they two of them just gripe to each other about how he respects them

[1:00:00] The line tell me about it grease so great scenes like that sure or the scene where the elderly do we get is is lasting after the grandma from afar and just talking about how hot she is like you get many magic moments like that but I guess doesn't add up to a cohesive whole is what I'm saying I like.

[1:00:19] You mentioned before but when the fireworks spell out we can see you like expect that to be the very last thing that happens in the movie like a fire show up it goes do we get into like yeah we get the leprechauns you know you you skip out of the theater but then there's like a whole nother sequence after that.

[1:00:37] Stop the mobsters at that point yeah it's a little bit like a fan at the end of the Jason Siegel Muppets there's a part of a throw what's the new Muppets name fred timmy walter josh walter when they throw walter up in the air and freeze frames on him it's like if that happened and then they were like but wait a minute guys we gotta get to the funeral in time and then they had to race to like some character you never heard of funeral and you like wait there's more of the movie like what's going on oh yes and the eagle died we've got we've got a we've got a.

[1:01:08] To be on oh wow dan you're really bringing the political thunder today dan of all the Muppet characters if one of them had to die and I mean for good this is canon they're not coming back and story like a mod planters type thing exactly who would you choose.

[1:01:27] Maybe I don't say skater skater doesn't count she's not canon.

[1:01:35] Right well I mean scooters a pretty good choice now you mention it but I but maybe that bunny the bean bean oh yeah bean bunny would be a quality I could see that nobody would miss him but it would have have heft what would you say to her.

[1:01:48] Who's who's gone so chicken girlfriend Camilla you can't and then and then gonzo gets super fucking dark right so you're for your fridge in Camilla's yeah I'm in the fridge Camilla Zack Snyder's Muppets no no there's gonna be a lot of shots of gonzo sitting on the sitting next to some gargoyles in the rain not gargoyles the characters gargoyles the stone things but maybe one of them comes to life and talks to him.

[1:02:16] I mean they're puppets why not yeah.

[1:02:20] Now now did you have an answer Elliot or steal all our good ideas that janitor.

[1:02:29] No you know what or maybe that.

[1:02:32] Who's that we're that android Muppet from Muppets tonight with the crazy yeah I mean I think it's great you guys are choosing characters to die that have no narrative consequences I think that's great.

[1:02:43] No I admire the risk you took my killing off the closest character to gonzo really hurting that can't okay fine fuzzy I'll kill fuzzy then what do you guys think what a tragic end yeah deal with it and you know how he died no on stage yeah but it was a drug overdose okay oh man it's a real so it's basically the movie Lenny but with fuzzy.

[1:03:08] We should give our final judgments about this movie whether it's a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like a surprise shocking reversals.

[1:03:20] What do you have to say guys is a bad bad movie sometimes people like watch the movie before listening to the episode if I am going to send out all the energy I can for people to not do that I know that if you're already listening and you've done it you have you are like you know yeah you you're already mad at me at this point.

[1:03:43] I I'm gonna put it I did fall asleep for like a little bit in the middle but it's horrifying is what you're saying shocked over but I have it as a marginal good bad cuz it's so baffling.

[1:04:00] Like it is it is like nothing you'll ever see and sometimes that's interesting yeah it's horrifying.

[1:04:08] Don't don't watch it on your own I implore you please if you watch on your own make sure you have somebody come check on you and like twenty thirty minutes yeah this is so I would say to watch it on your own it's the worst bad movie to watch it with another person it could be an interesting.

[1:04:26] You know you know.

[1:04:27] Massacristic experiment you know to see just how far you can go it's terrible but yeah to watch it it's like an it's like an acid trip like don't do it on your own cuz you may never come back and they just be an empty husk and all you'll be able to say is tweak off tweak on tweak off tweak on and they'll say all he's muttering is gibberish and I'll take you to the real tweak in Arkham Asylum.

[1:04:49] Whoa.

[1:04:57] I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne and justice is within your reach my mom refuses to take my phone calls my boyfriend says I should take our cats with me to graduate school but I think he should keep them in the court of judge John Hodgman justice rules my partner's board game collection is out of control my sister won't stop stealing my clothes I'm judge John Hodgman I'm tough but fair I'll bring you justice and I'm only a click away.

[1:05:27] Tipping automotive etiquette siblings roommates if you've got a case go to maximum fund dot org slash JJH judge John Hodgman is tough but fair subscribe to the podcast today judge John Hodgman rule that is all.

[1:05:47] Hi I'm Ali Kurtz and I'm Julia Prescott and we're the host of everything's coming up since then every episode we cover a different episode of The Simpsons that is a favorite of our special guests we've had guests that are showrunners and writers and voice actors like Nancy Cartwright and we've also had people that are on the max fund network already.

[1:06:08] Homer wearing that golf outfit is so funny and when he gets super into golf he's wearing the golf hat in bed we've had weird Al Yankovic on the show I was just struck by how sharp the writing is I mean that's no surprise because it's The Simpsons but I mean like you can't say that about a lot of a lot of TV shows particularly ones that at that point had been on the air for 14 years find us on maximum fund dot org iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts all right smell you later.

[1:06:38] So we should move on and thank our sponsors before going too much further first sponsor is that we can oh no the first sponsor the flop house is supported in part by Amazon prime video channels prime video channels is an Amazon prime benefit members can use to access great entertainment instantly.

[1:07:03] Why not create a TV lineup you love from 100 plus premium and specialty channels like Showtime stars HBO CBS all access and more you can start a free seven day trial of any of the channels you have not tried yet only pay for the channels you want with prime video channels start your free trials of over a hundred channels by visiting try prime channels dot com slash flop.

[1:07:30] That's a new sponsor for us that's great and I wonder what could you watch this movie on there in fact in fact if you have Amazon prime already you can see the leprechauns free of charge exactly the same thing as channels I believe but yeah if you if you have Amazon prime tweaking leprechauns is right there for the sake of it.

[1:08:00] Yeah but yeah this I love the idea of being able to choose what I want to watch without being tied to lame-o cable because you know hey that's not wait what I've done cable we've been asked not to buy the advertiser well you should tell me these things ahead of time I actually like cable a lot and I think you know what try out Amazon prime channels guys I like able to because he's like.

[1:08:31] From the future right metal arm well he was born in the present but he was sent to the future and then he came back is it always somebody's present though I guess so I guess he's from the future in the same way that somebody who like moved to England when they were ten is from England it's like I guess so.

[1:08:51] Well you spent the first 10 years of your life in Kansas City okay and it was yeah our second sponsor that helps us keep things going here is green chef support for the flop house comes from green chef a USDA certified organic company that includes everything you need to easily cook delicious meals that you can feel good about meal plans include paleo vegan vegetarian.

[1:09:21] Keto gluten-free omnivore and carnivore each ingredient is thoughtfully sourced and it's journey track from planting to plating like green chef to the meal planning grocery shopping and most of the prep for you week after week for $50 off your first box of green chef go to green chef dot us slash flop house.

[1:09:41] Yeah if you got a case of the hungries hit them up now guys I had green chef for dinner last night really how to work out my wife and I had it was sausages and mashed potato and vegetables there was chard in there there was roasted red pepper in there there was.

[1:10:00] There's onions and fennel and I cooked it myself,

[1:10:05] which is something that I don't usually do

[1:10:07] because I can't cook.

[1:10:09] And you know what?

[1:10:09] It came out really nice.

[1:10:12] Yeah, I've tried a bunch of these meal plans

[1:10:15] and one of the things I liked about,

[1:10:17] like if you have any experience

[1:10:19] with these kind of meal plans,

[1:10:21] Green Chef is fairly easy to use, yeah?

[1:10:25] Yeah.

[1:10:26] Their recipes in particular are very clearly written

[1:10:29] and have pictures on them,

[1:10:30] which for me, a visual learner

[1:10:31] who loves seeing, you know, stuff.

[1:10:36] It was very helpful.

[1:10:37] That's what I tell people about you

[1:10:39] is that you like to see stuff.

[1:10:41] And they just give you what you need

[1:10:42] so you don't end up with any extra junk

[1:10:44] that you're throwing out or holding onto.

[1:10:46] Like, what am I gonna do with this extra little bit

[1:10:50] of ginger root?

[1:10:52] I don't have any use for this.

[1:10:53] I guess I'll keep it in my freezer forever

[1:10:56] until it turns into some kind of root-like tree thing

[1:10:59] and I save.

[1:11:00] Wow, Groot got pretty dark in this.

[1:11:03] Yeah, don't let that happen to you, Green Chef.

[1:11:07] Yeah, Groot got really mad

[1:11:09] because he was also dating Camilla.

[1:11:11] So that really hit him hard, too, yeah.

[1:11:14] Did you have, that's the end of the sponsors,

[1:11:19] but did you have something you wanted to say, Elliot?

[1:11:21] I did, Dan, I did have something to say.

[1:11:22] Now, people may be aware

[1:11:24] that I have a non-Flophouse-related project

[1:11:28] coming out soon, October 30th,

[1:11:29] and I'd like to tell you about it.

[1:11:31] Yeah, when am I getting my contributor's copy?

[1:11:35] Contributor?

[1:11:37] I mean, I will give you a copy of it,

[1:11:38] but let me just do my ad read, please.

[1:11:42] Dogs and horses.

[1:11:44] For thousands of years, they've lived side by side,

[1:11:47] but have they ever actually met?

[1:11:49] Not until now, and the results will surprise

[1:11:52] and entertain you, especially if you're a child.

[1:11:55] In Horse Meets Dog, the new book

[1:11:57] by four-time Emmy Award-winning writer, Elliot Kalin,

[1:12:00] and illustrator, Tim Miller,

[1:12:01] available October 30th, wherever you buy books.

[1:12:05] Thanks, Dan.

[1:12:08] You're welcome.

[1:12:09] So, as I was finishing my ad read,

[1:12:10] it seems like Dan opened up,

[1:12:12] were you just cracking a cube of,

[1:12:13] a tray of ice cubes or something, or what happened?

[1:12:16] Dan opened a beer and it spilled all over the place.

[1:12:19] Yeah, that ad read was too hot.

[1:12:21] Yeah, too hot.

[1:12:23] Why don't you talk about,

[1:12:26] why don't you talk about our live shows

[1:12:27] while I clean this up?

[1:12:28] You got it.

[1:12:29] Well, we've got two live shows in the future.

[1:12:32] First, we're gonna be appearing at, you guessed it,

[1:12:35] the place everybody's been asking us to go to,

[1:12:38] Earlham College in, where is that, Stuart?

[1:12:41] Richmond, Indiana.

[1:12:42] Richmond, Indiana, that's right.

[1:12:45] It's our first time at Stuart and Dan's alma mater,

[1:12:49] and it's gonna be pretty amazing.

[1:12:51] I'm gonna make them show me, like,

[1:12:53] what dorms they stayed at,

[1:12:55] and I wanna see all the places that they got in trouble,

[1:12:59] and anyway, but I guess that's the stuff

[1:13:01] I'm gonna do at Earlham.

[1:13:02] The place that Stuart and Dan got put

[1:13:04] on double secret probation.

[1:13:07] Yep, but I should tell you what you could do.

[1:13:09] What you could do is, you can get tickets to see us,

[1:13:11] November 3rd, that's a Saturday,

[1:13:13] it's at 7.30 p.m. in the Goddard Auditorium.

[1:13:15] It's part of Earlham's Artist and Lecture Series.

[1:13:18] We're both artists and we're lecturing,

[1:13:20] and we're just gonna do a live Flophouse episode,

[1:13:22] and are we saying what movie that we're watching yet,

[1:13:26] or no?

[1:13:27] Yeah, let's say it.

[1:13:28] Let's fuckin' just say it, dude.

[1:13:29] Dan.

[1:13:30] Let's rip this Band-Aid off.

[1:13:31] Dan, you wanna announce what movie

[1:13:32] we're watching in Earlham?

[1:13:34] He's struggling with his headphones,

[1:13:36] but I think he's gonna be in the game.

[1:13:38] Okay, Dan.

[1:13:38] What movie are we watching for the,

[1:13:41] what's the movie we're doing for the Earlham show, Dan?

[1:13:44] I believe we just settled on,

[1:13:46] we just settled on,

[1:13:47] ay-yi-yi.

[1:13:48] Jurassic Park, Fallen Kingdom.

[1:13:52] Tragic Kingdom.

[1:13:53] I believe it's Jurassic World,

[1:13:55] Fallen Kingdom.

[1:13:56] So, I guess what I'm saying is,

[1:13:58] Stuart, I apologize that I didn't ask you

[1:14:00] to say what the title was,

[1:14:01] since there were no less than three problems

[1:14:03] with my asking, Dan.

[1:14:06] But we'll be seeing,

[1:14:07] so that's November 3rd, Saturday,

[1:14:09] in Earlham, in Indiana.

[1:14:11] What's the name of that town again?

[1:14:15] Tickets are only like $10.

[1:14:17] Tickets are very cheap.

[1:14:19] And so this is,

[1:14:20] yeah, it's general admission.

[1:14:21] You don't have to be a student at Earlham.

[1:14:23] If you're anywhere in the area,

[1:14:24] I would advise going.

[1:14:25] We're gonna be talking about Jurassic World,

[1:14:27] Fallen Kingdom.

[1:14:28] It's gonna be super fun.

[1:14:30] But hey, guys,

[1:14:32] that's not the only show we've got on the radar.

[1:14:34] We've got another show coming up in January.

[1:14:38] That's right.

[1:14:39] In January of 2019,

[1:14:41] it's coming faster than you think.

[1:14:42] It's the future, people.

[1:14:43] We're gonna be at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

[1:14:49] My sister's alma mater and my grandma's alma mater.

[1:14:52] You guessed it.

[1:14:53] You have WN.

[1:14:54] You followed all the clues.

[1:14:56] Followed all the clues.

[1:14:58] The place where my grandma was head of,

[1:15:00] I think, the Student Socialist Club.

[1:15:01] You know it.

[1:15:02] So anyway, that's gonna be Saturday,

[1:15:04] January 26th, 2019 at 8 p.m.

[1:15:08] Tickets are not as cheap as at the Earlham show,

[1:15:12] but they're still a good price.

[1:15:13] And you get discount

[1:15:14] if you are a University of Wisconsin student.

[1:15:18] If you are a Badger, go see this show.

[1:15:21] I'm gonna make lots of jokes about Badgers

[1:15:23] because that's what people from Wisconsin are.

[1:15:25] So that's, again, November 3rd in Earlham College

[1:15:29] in Richmond, Indiana,

[1:15:30] and January 26th in Madison, Wisconsin

[1:15:34] at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

[1:15:36] Flophouse Live.

[1:15:37] And we'll have more live shows,

[1:15:39] hopefully pretty soon, just to announce.

[1:15:42] Now, I wanna clarify.

[1:15:43] If you're a Badger cum, if you're a honey Badger,

[1:15:46] stay home,

[1:15:46] because I've seen some pretty disturbing videos

[1:15:48] about you on the internet.

[1:15:49] Yeah, they don't give a shit.

[1:15:51] Yeah.

[1:15:53] That's an oldie.

[1:15:54] That's an oldie, guys.

[1:15:55] Yeah, Dan's finger on the pulse of memes.

[1:16:01] Dan's like, hey, but if that dramatic prairie dog

[1:16:04] wants to show up, that would be fun.

[1:16:07] Yeah.

[1:16:08] And let's not forget,

[1:16:08] Teapot Cat. Remember,

[1:16:09] all your base belong to us.

[1:16:11] All your base belong to us.

[1:16:12] That's an old one.

[1:16:13] Yeah.

[1:16:14] And I wanted to say a quick thank you

[1:16:15] to everyone who entered the contest

[1:16:17] from the last episode about tweeting about the Flophouse.

[1:16:20] We have picked a winner,

[1:16:21] and we'll be announcing what movie we're gonna do

[1:16:23] in November from them,

[1:16:24] when we know what movie that is.

[1:16:28] Anyone, everyone, I wanna thank you all

[1:16:29] for tweeting about us,

[1:16:31] and please keep tweeting about us

[1:16:32] with the hashtag Flophouse.

[1:16:35] Please leave us some reviews on iTunes

[1:16:37] and all that stuff.

[1:16:38] Help us spread the word of this podcast,

[1:16:41] because we don't do a great job of it,

[1:16:45] and we need your help.

[1:16:46] We barely do a good job of the podcast.

[1:16:49] Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

[1:16:54] Ah, say but true.

[1:16:56] I misspoke earlier.

[1:16:57] It's obviously all your base are belong to us.

[1:16:59] I don't want people tweeting me.

[1:17:01] What did you say?

[1:17:02] I said, I just forgot the R.

[1:17:04] Oh.

[1:17:05] But, uh, let's move on to-

[1:17:07] You probably saved it.

[1:17:09] Yeah.

[1:17:10] There's gonna be fewer idiots in my inbox.

[1:17:14] Wow.

[1:17:15] Dan.

[1:17:16] Oh, man.

[1:17:17] Is this the Flophouse with Louis Black all of a sudden?

[1:17:19] Oh, man.

[1:17:20] No, no, I mean, people calling me.

[1:17:21] I got a real Yosemite Sam license plate next to me.

[1:17:25] You guys better back off.

[1:17:28] No, no, no, no.

[1:17:30] Okay, so, Dan, what do we do next on the show?

[1:17:33] Next on the show, we read letters from listeners.

[1:17:36] Listeners like you, if you wrote a letter.

[1:17:39] If you didn't write a letter, you're still a listener,

[1:17:42] but you're probably not likely

[1:17:43] to be responded to on the air.

[1:17:45] Ah, glad you made that clear.

[1:17:47] So if people are just listening to this

[1:17:49] and shouting at their iPod,

[1:17:51] or shouting at their computer,

[1:17:52] or whatever they listen to their podcast on their phone.

[1:17:55] They are S-O-L.

[1:17:56] Yeah, if they're just shouting at it,

[1:17:57] we're not gonna hear you.

[1:17:58] You gotta write it in a letter, dude.

[1:18:00] Yeah, write it in a letter.

[1:18:03] This is from Elizabeth Lastname Withheld.

[1:18:05] Hey, Elizabeth wrote it in a letter,

[1:18:08] and that's how we can fly to her.

[1:18:11] Elizabeth, thank you for being a model

[1:18:13] for everybody else who wants to know

[1:18:16] how to get in touch with the Flophouse,

[1:18:19] because there's just two ways.

[1:18:21] Number one, write a letter.

[1:18:23] Number two, sky writing wherever we happen to be,

[1:18:28] because we're always looking into those blue skies,

[1:18:31] reaching for the stars with our feet on the ground,

[1:18:34] and sometimes we found that there's writing in the sky.

[1:18:38] I don't mean constellations.

[1:18:40] Those that aren't writing, that's more pictures,

[1:18:43] and by pictures, I mean like three stars

[1:18:45] that some Greek jerk decided were a Pegasus,

[1:18:48] but can I see it?

[1:18:50] No, it's the magic eye that never works, the sky,

[1:18:54] the stars, and the biggest star today is Elizabeth.

[1:18:59] Thanks for writing, Elizabeth.

[1:19:01] Okay, well, Elizabeth writes,

[1:19:03] my husband and I are huge fans of all the work you do,

[1:19:06] but I'd like to take this opportunity

[1:19:08] to express our particular gratitude to our man, Dan.

[1:19:12] A couple months ago,

[1:19:13] we were sitting around discussing movie options

[1:19:14] when I told my husband,

[1:19:16] maybe we should check out that Stop Making Sense movie

[1:19:18] that Dan McCoy was always going on about.

[1:19:21] Previous to our viewing of this movie,

[1:19:22] I would have described myself as a casual talking heads fan,

[1:19:26] but good Lord, we were absolutely blown away.

[1:19:28] Within a week, we had purchased the soundtrack on vinyl,

[1:19:31] car stickers, and tickets for David Byrne's upcoming tour.

[1:19:34] We also watched Byrne's film, True Stories,

[1:19:36] which we found absolutely goddamn delightful.

[1:19:39] I don't think I've listened to anything

[1:19:40] but the talking heads since I watched it,

[1:19:42] and would now without question

[1:19:43] call them one of my favorite bands.

[1:19:45] I've never had such a immediate

[1:19:47] just hook it to my veins experience

[1:19:49] with a piece of entertainment before,

[1:19:51] certainly not as an adult.

[1:19:52] My question for you guys is,

[1:19:54] when was the last time you were truly gobsmacked

[1:19:56] by a piece of entertainment?

[1:19:58] Elizabeth, last name withheld.

[1:20:00] Oh, man, that's a good question.

[1:20:06] Can we define gobsmacked?

[1:20:07] Yeah, yeah.

[1:20:08] And that's different from gobsmacked the band, right?

[1:20:10] Because if I said gobsmacked is my answer, that would be hilarious.

[1:20:14] I guess it would be.

[1:20:17] Now gobsmacked could be used in a negative way.

[1:20:19] It could mean that you're like distressed, confused by something.

[1:20:23] But in the context of this letter, it's only a positive gobsmacking that we're looking

[1:20:27] for.

[1:20:28] Yeah, it's like a flip take.

[1:20:29] Good or bad.

[1:20:30] Yes, exactly.

[1:20:31] And in this case, it was she was so gobsmacked by talking heads that she went out and did

[1:20:37] a bunch of talking head shit that like she wouldn't have done otherwise or that kind

[1:20:42] of level of being engaged by a piece of pop culture.

[1:20:48] Sure.

[1:20:49] Dan, did she steal your answer?

[1:20:50] Were you going to say stop?

[1:20:51] Makes sense.

[1:20:52] No.

[1:20:53] I think the only thing that I could think of was reading the Song of Ice and Fire books,

[1:21:00] actually.

[1:21:01] Yeah.

[1:21:02] Stuart recommended them to me and then I was a real ass and I read the intro to one of

[1:21:08] them and I'm like, not for me.

[1:21:10] I think your specific words were that the term wildling reminded you too much of younglings

[1:21:16] from Attack of the Clones or whatever.

[1:21:19] So you were like, nope.

[1:21:21] I mean, it's I mean, that's just more emblematic of like, in general, fantasy stuff doesn't

[1:21:27] do it for me.

[1:21:28] But then.

[1:21:29] I saw a little bit of the show, which I don't watch anymore, but the show got me back into

[1:21:35] the books, and once I gave the things a second chance, I was like, OK, well, this thing that

[1:21:40] Stuart likes seems to be liked by everyone and maybe I should pay attention to my good

[1:21:45] friend Stuart instead of scoffing at him.

[1:21:48] Yeah, what you said was what basically what you said is I don't trust Stuart enough to

[1:21:52] listen to him.

[1:21:53] But the howling mob, which has given us such things as President Donald Trump, I trust

[1:21:59] to tell me what I should read.

[1:22:01] Yeah, but no, I feel bad.

[1:22:05] But I I really, you know, tore through all the available books, which is stupid because

[1:22:10] now God knows that if any book ever shows up again, I'm going to not remember who anyone

[1:22:17] is because it's been so long.

[1:22:19] Oh, cool. I mean, I'm probably going to do another live reading for my wife.

[1:22:21] So you can just send those.

[1:22:23] I'll perch on your bed, the head of your bed like a cat.

[1:22:27] Yep.

[1:22:29] Where I get to do voices for all the characters.

[1:22:31] Elliot, do you have an answer?

[1:22:33] I have I have a couple of different things I could talk about because lately, does it

[1:22:37] have to be pop culture or can it be regular culture?

[1:22:40] I think it's just a piece of entertainment.

[1:22:43] OK, so because like the thing that really affected me the most was when I finally read

[1:22:48] Orlando by Virginia Woolf last year, which just like as a book, just blew me away in

[1:22:54] a way that I didn't expect.

[1:22:56] But there's some other things I've been having.

[1:22:58] I feel like I've been having this kind of reaction a lot to things lately in the past

[1:23:02] couple of years or so.

[1:23:04] There's there's a comics artist I like a lot named Tom Manning, and he has a new book out

[1:23:08] called Eric that really hit me over the head that I liked a lot.

[1:23:12] And there's this author, Anne Leckie, who has a science fiction series called The Imperial

[1:23:16] Rage series that starts with a book called Ancillary Justice that I thought was amazing.

[1:23:22] And there's another comic series called Ama, which is spelled A-A-M-A.

[1:23:27] It's by a guy named Frederick Peters, and I've been really loving that a lot.

[1:23:30] So I don't know, guys, things have just been blowing me away left and right.

[1:23:33] I don't know.

[1:23:34] I don't know what to tell you.

[1:23:35] There's a lot of things that I like.

[1:23:36] Yeah, I like I was I was pretty blown away and affected by Call Me By Your Name last

[1:23:43] year.

[1:23:44] I like I felt like a pretty deep personal connection to it.

[1:23:47] And then I feel like for comics, there was a I think when I read the second issue of

[1:23:53] Alan Moore's Neonamicon, a book I don't recommend to anybody.

[1:23:57] And content warning is very difficult to read and has sexual violence.

[1:24:01] So watch out.

[1:24:02] But it was just like it was horrifying in a way I had not experienced in a comic book

[1:24:08] before.

[1:24:10] So I was.

[1:24:11] Yeah.

[1:24:12] And then I like went on to have to work a shift and I couldn't stop thinking about this

[1:24:15] horrible thing.

[1:24:16] And I kept like looking at my iPad that I had read the digital version of.

[1:24:20] And I was like, that thing's bad.

[1:24:23] It's like I remember it, Stuart, after you read, I remember you telling me you were like,

[1:24:28] it's certainly scary.

[1:24:29] I don't know that I recommend it.

[1:24:32] And I'm like Hamilton.

[1:24:35] Like I feel like I was like I went into Hamilton not knowing what I was about to see.

[1:24:40] I was like, it's a history rap.

[1:24:42] And then coming out of it, like in tears and like feeling moved by theater in ways that

[1:24:49] I I kind of hadn't been.

[1:24:50] So.

[1:24:51] This is the next letter is from John, last name withheld, Stuart, our old boss.

[1:24:58] Hey, John, how you doing?

[1:25:01] Hey, is this a letter about what, like farming?

[1:25:04] What does he do now?

[1:25:05] He owns an animal farm.

[1:25:08] Yes.

[1:25:09] It's where it's a classic animal farm.

[1:25:10] It's where Snowball and Napoleon hang out.

[1:25:11] The pigs run the place.

[1:25:12] I always felt like Snowball got a got a rough, rough, rough deal.

[1:25:13] You think so?

[1:25:14] You think so, Stu?

[1:25:15] Yeah, that's my take.

[1:25:16] I think you might have picked up one or two things from that book then.

[1:25:17] Yeah.

[1:25:18] Hey, you know who didn't turn out the best in that book?

[1:25:19] The horse.

[1:25:20] Oh, yeah.

[1:25:21] Yeah.

[1:25:22] Yeah.

[1:25:23] Yeah.

[1:25:24] Yeah.

[1:25:25] Yeah.

[1:25:26] Yeah.

[1:25:27] Yeah.

[1:25:28] Yeah.

[1:25:29] Yeah.

[1:25:30] Yeah.

[1:25:31] Yeah.

[1:25:32] Yeah.

[1:25:33] You're quite right.

[1:25:34] You're quite right.

[1:25:35] Anyway, John, last name withheld writes, Greetings Elliott.

[1:25:37] I'm a children's librarian and I was very excited to hear about your upcoming children's

[1:25:42] book, but now I'm wondering what are some of your favorite books to read to your son?

[1:25:47] Myself, I'm a big fan of Mo Wombs and consider There's a Bird on Your Head to be one of the

[1:25:51] great classics of Western literature.

[1:25:53] It is a great book.

[1:25:54] Not to leave Dan or Stu out, let me ask them, did either of you have a favorite picture book

[1:25:58] as a child?

[1:25:59] Many thanks, John.

[1:26:00] Last name withheld.

[1:26:01] Yeah, my favorite picture book is The Dark Knight Rises, dude.

[1:26:09] Wait, what?

[1:26:10] Frank Miller, baby.

[1:26:11] Okay.

[1:26:12] That's a movie.

[1:26:13] No, that's a movie.

[1:26:14] I don't fucking remember.

[1:26:15] I mean, in a way, guys.

[1:26:16] In a way, it's a book.

[1:26:17] Guys, guys.

[1:26:18] For your eyes.

[1:26:19] Pump up your brakes.

[1:26:20] All right.

[1:26:21] Is it a movie kind of like a picture book?

[1:26:34] Technically, aren't I right about this?

[1:26:39] I throw myself on the mercy of the court, but I think I'm right.

[1:26:45] So Dan, what's your favorite picture book?

[1:26:47] Well, like Karl Barth's duck book, probably.

[1:26:50] I mean, I did read those over and over again as a child and as an adult now.

[1:26:56] But no, I was thinking about the book that I actually sent your new child.

[1:27:03] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:04] What is it called, The Museum of Everything?

[1:27:08] It's a Sesame Street book.

[1:27:09] Yeah.

[1:27:10] It's like Grover and the Museum of Everything.

[1:27:11] Everyone remembers Grover.

[1:27:12] There's a monster at the end of the book, which is a brilliant book.

[1:27:17] Yeah, it's great.

[1:27:19] It's wonderful.

[1:27:20] But there's another book that's done in the same style where it's The Museum of Everything

[1:27:25] and Grover goes from museum room to museum room and it's like the room for really big

[1:27:30] things, the room for really small things, like the room that has a carrot in it, stuff

[1:27:36] like that.

[1:27:37] And then there's the room for vegetables that are not carrots.

[1:27:39] Yeah.

[1:27:40] It's very funny.

[1:27:41] I don't know.

[1:27:42] It's just delightful.

[1:27:43] It's got that same sense of humor as the one that everyone knows.

[1:27:48] And it teaches a valuable lesson about the inability, the futility to create order out

[1:27:54] of chaos, how we live in a universe that is essentially unknowable and yet we are really

[1:28:01] forced by our own fevered minds to try to apply some sort of logic and rationale to

[1:28:08] it and we are obstructed at every turn.

[1:28:13] That's the message you wanted to give to my baby son, right?

[1:28:17] Do you have recommendations, Elliot?

[1:28:20] I do.

[1:28:21] There are two books I'm going to recommend.

[1:28:23] I almost called you a child owner.

[1:28:27] It's a weird way to put it, yeah, but it's still pretty good.

[1:28:32] There's a book called Extra Yarn that's written by Mac Barnett and the art is by John Klassen

[1:28:37] and I think it is one of the best picture books that's ever been produced, like the

[1:28:43] writing is beautiful, the art is beautiful.

[1:28:46] But it's super simple and it's very funny but it's also very warm.

[1:28:51] I'm like really in awe of how they were able to pull it off and construct it and it's a

[1:28:55] book that I've done a lot of studying of to try to help me with children's book writing.

[1:29:00] I think Extra Yarn is like one of, if not the best children's book of the last, I don't

[1:29:06] know, however long, 10 or 20 years in my opinion.

[1:29:09] And I read it to Sammy quite often and I'm looking forward to reading it to my second

[1:29:13] son as well.

[1:29:14] And eventually to my seventh son who himself will have a seventh son and that will be a

[1:29:17] wizard.

[1:29:18] But I also say, you know what's a great picture book?

[1:29:25] It's called Horse Feet's Dog.

[1:29:26] It's written by me, art by Tim Miller, comes out October 30th, buy it wherever books are

[1:29:31] sold.

[1:29:32] I'm going on a book tour for it in early November right after our Earlham show and

[1:29:43] if the dates involve actual stores, I'll mention them on a future podcast so that people can

[1:29:48] come see me but some of the dates are just going to be school visits.

[1:29:51] Sorry adults.

[1:29:52] Kids rule, adults rule.

[1:29:54] That's true.

[1:29:58] Yep.

[1:29:59] Especially when there's...

[1:30:00] when they're sleeping, you know.

[1:30:02] This next letter is from Jack, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:30:07] a friend of mine was recently in an improv comedy show

[1:30:10] in which they performed an original movie based

[1:30:11] on a title given to them by the audience.

[1:30:14] The title shouted at them by me was, of course, Catch That Kid.

[1:30:18] They gave a terrific performance,

[1:30:20] perhaps worthy of the Flophouse.

[1:30:21] I have a transcript of the performance written up,

[1:30:23] and I'll take $700,000 for the rights.

[1:30:26] Here's a list of elements from the script

[1:30:27] in case you're not already convinced.

[1:30:29] Yeah, very fair.

[1:30:30] A creepy carnival for lost children.

[1:30:33] A sewer detective who has been to New York.

[1:30:36] Sewer det-

[1:30:37] Wait, who has been to New York?

[1:30:39] Yeah.

[1:30:40] The sewer detective's alligator partner.

[1:30:43] An imagination hat.

[1:30:44] Okay.

[1:30:45] A man turns into a car.

[1:30:47] Sure.

[1:30:48] The titular kid's name is Jeremy.

[1:30:49] Sounds right.

[1:30:50] A deadly dream game of dodgeball.

[1:30:52] Oh, okay.

[1:30:54] I eagerly await your response.

[1:30:56] You can make the checkout to first name withheld,

[1:30:58] Alexander O'Brien, last name withheld.

[1:31:01] Okay, well-

[1:31:02] And that was, the improv group was Improv Chattanooga.

[1:31:07] Who he says we should check out

[1:31:08] if we're ever in Tennessee.

[1:31:09] Pass.

[1:31:10] Okay.

[1:31:11] Wow.

[1:31:12] Pass.

[1:31:13] Wow.

[1:31:14] Dan.

[1:31:14] The only Tennessee Dan wants to,

[1:31:15] only Tennessee Dan likes is the song

[1:31:17] by Arrested Development.

[1:31:21] Dan, you're never gonna be in Tennessee.

[1:31:22] Just say okay, and then just don't do it.

[1:31:25] Yeah.

[1:31:26] I have seen enough improv comedy

[1:31:28] for three lifetimes, I think, at this point.

[1:31:31] What if Peter Sellers came back from the dead

[1:31:37] and was doing a show at UCB?

[1:31:39] It's a level one show.

[1:31:40] He just started taking improv lessons.

[1:31:42] Would you go to that?

[1:31:44] Yes, I would go to see the late Peter Sellers

[1:31:46] at an improv show at UCB.

[1:31:48] Tennessee, the ball's in your court.

[1:31:50] Get Peter Sellers.

[1:31:52] Well, that sounds great.

[1:31:55] Good luck with the screenplay.

[1:31:57] Just keep checking your mailbox

[1:31:58] and the check will be there.

[1:32:01] And then have fun cashing that at the bank.

[1:32:03] And this last letter's very fast.

[1:32:06] It's merely, dear floppers, who's your Huckleberry?

[1:32:11] Thanks, Doc, last name withheld.

[1:32:14] I mean, it's Doc Hollywood, right?

[1:32:18] It has to be.

[1:32:20] I'll tell you who my Huckleberry is.

[1:32:22] You two guys, I have two Huckleberries.

[1:32:24] Oh, that's very sweet. Dan and Stuart.

[1:32:27] Okay, cool, well, I can't say the same for you.

[1:32:30] Well, this is exactly awkward.

[1:32:33] Is that weird?

[1:32:36] Oh, man, I'm sorry. How dare you, sir?

[1:32:38] Yeah, I just, I think it's weird

[1:32:40] that you sprung that on me like this

[1:32:41] and we should have talked about it off the air,

[1:32:44] is all I'm saying.

[1:32:45] Well, I mean, we could have

[1:32:46] if Dan ever told us the letters ahead of time.

[1:32:49] I told you, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you

[1:32:52] about the joke Huckleberry one.

[1:32:54] Dan prefers to, one, keep the spontaneity of the show,

[1:32:58] and two, preserve the laziness of picking the letters

[1:33:00] right before we record.

[1:33:03] And I think he likes the rare moments

[1:33:05] of emotional rawness that we just saw.

[1:33:07] Yeah, so in fact, you know what?

[1:33:08] Fuck you, Dan, fuck you, Stuart.

[1:33:10] You're not my Huckleberries anymore.

[1:33:11] I am de-huckleberrying you.

[1:33:13] What did I do?

[1:33:15] Well, I'm, I dare you to go.

[1:33:16] You put this whole spring of love on me

[1:33:17] and ruining my friendship with Stuart.

[1:33:21] I just think you're moving too fast.

[1:33:23] Now I'm gonna go back to my original Huckleberry,

[1:33:27] Danny Glover.

[1:33:28] Oh, wow.

[1:33:29] Yeah, we're very close.

[1:33:30] We spend a lot of time together.

[1:33:31] Star of Pure Luck and Grand Canyon?

[1:33:34] Yep, my two favorite Danny Glover films.

[1:33:36] I ask him about it all the time.

[1:33:37] And I'll tell you what, when it comes to having fun,

[1:33:39] he's not getting too old for that shit.

[1:33:42] No, that's good to hear.

[1:33:45] So let's go on to the next and last segment of the show

[1:33:49] where we recommend movies,

[1:33:51] movies that you should spend your time on

[1:33:53] before you get around to Dweegans and Leprechauns.

[1:33:56] Yeah, we all have limited time on this earth, you know?

[1:34:00] Don't make the same mistake we did

[1:34:01] of wasting some of it on Dweegans and Leprechauns.

[1:34:06] Yeah, like when you are lying on your deathbed

[1:34:09] and you're like, I wish I had more time to spend

[1:34:12] watching Dweegans and Leprechauns.

[1:34:15] I only wish that someone had made a sequel

[1:34:17] so I could spend time with that.

[1:34:21] We're just watching the first one again.

[1:34:22] Guys, I'm gonna turn into a-

[1:34:23] You find new stuff.

[1:34:24] I'm gonna turn into a video artist

[1:34:26] and my first installation is just gonna be

[1:34:27] Dweegans and Leprechauns on a loop for 24 hours.

[1:34:30] Oh, that's cool.

[1:34:31] Played, what, off of a movie projector or?

[1:34:34] Yeah, sure.

[1:34:35] Oh, okay, cool.

[1:34:37] Just projected on a bowl of children's tears.

[1:34:46] I've already gotten into this trouble

[1:34:48] with a lot of parents groups, a lot of police officers

[1:34:52] about making children cry so much that I could collect

[1:34:57] a whole bowl of their tears, but.

[1:35:00] Yep, you just keep running around

[1:35:02] shouting, Snape kills Dumbledore.

[1:35:06] Catching the results.

[1:35:06] Nothing sadder than that.

[1:35:08] Yeah.

[1:35:10] Movie recommendations.

[1:35:11] Should I start?

[1:35:12] Is that what's happening?

[1:35:13] Yeah, sure.

[1:35:14] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:35:15] You offer.

[1:35:16] You're the boss.

[1:35:18] Mona's the boss.

[1:35:19] I thought we covered that.

[1:35:21] How is Mona the boss?

[1:35:23] She doesn't tell anybody what to do.

[1:35:24] She's a joke with her own family.

[1:35:26] I think she tells everyone what to do all the time.

[1:35:29] But they don't listen to her.

[1:35:30] Clearly, Angela is the boss because she pays the bills.

[1:35:34] I guess, I don't know.

[1:35:36] I feel like that's a vague definition of bosses.

[1:35:41] I mean, it's like the most basic foundational

[1:35:44] definition of boss.

[1:35:45] I mean, maybe in your capitalist culture.

[1:35:48] I'm looking back in my letterbox records

[1:35:53] to see what movies I watched.

[1:35:55] It's just, you're looking back in the letterbox records

[1:35:57] to see who the boss was?

[1:35:58] Just say Angela.

[1:36:00] If you say Jonathan, you're off the podcast.

[1:36:03] Or say Tony, if you want,

[1:36:05] because he holds a sort of sexual power over Angela.

[1:36:08] That's part of Mona's attraction.

[1:36:10] That's why she's the boss.

[1:36:12] No, but she's a slave to that power too.

[1:36:15] Dan, you gotta settle this.

[1:36:17] Who's the boss?

[1:36:21] My boss?

[1:36:23] No, come on.

[1:36:24] Okay, Dan, what's your movie that you're recommending?

[1:36:26] Or Stuart, do you have one lined up?

[1:36:27] Go through your letterbox.

[1:36:28] Combing through his offline memory.

[1:36:31] I'm just, I'm waiting for Dan.

[1:36:33] Like, I know Dan's got a good one.

[1:36:35] It's not a good one.

[1:36:36] He's got a real good one.

[1:36:37] It's been such a long buildup that...

[1:36:40] Dan, have you seen any movies in the movie theater?

[1:36:42] No, it's a good movie, but it's not a surprising choice,

[1:36:47] is I guess what I should have said.

[1:36:48] Okay.

[1:36:50] Some time ago now, because we took a while off recording

[1:36:54] for reasons that we've all recorded on this podcast before.

[1:36:59] This is necessary backstory.

[1:37:00] Now, Dan, just for context,

[1:37:03] I'm gonna recommend a movie from 1985,

[1:37:05] and I am not gonna bother explaining

[1:37:07] why I'm waiting till now to recommend it.

[1:37:09] So don't feel like you need to tell people

[1:37:11] why you're recommending it now.

[1:37:13] Okay, it's just that this is a movie

[1:37:14] recently in the theater, Black Klansman.

[1:37:16] I thought maybe the movie I've enjoyed

[1:37:22] and thought was the most important this year.

[1:37:28] I don't know.

[1:37:29] It's really fun.

[1:37:29] It's a great movie.

[1:37:30] Yeah, I feel like there's not a lot to say about it

[1:37:32] at this late date, because it's been out

[1:37:34] and people have talked a lot about it,

[1:37:36] but what struck me about it was how funny a lot of it was.

[1:37:41] It's dealing with a lot of heavy issues and upsetting themes,

[1:37:48] but the story of the movie, as fictionalized as it is,

[1:37:55] lends itself to a lot of comedy throughout the film.

[1:37:58] And then at the end of the movie, the movie says,

[1:38:01] remember how you were enjoying yourself?

[1:38:02] Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and it punches you in the stomach

[1:38:06] and you walk out crying, but in a meaningful way.

[1:38:11] Yeah, I think it juggles tone really well.

[1:38:14] Yes.

[1:38:14] And the actress who plays the evil racist wife,

[1:38:20] Ashley Atkinson, is super lovely and drinks in my bar a lot.

[1:38:24] So come to Hinterlands and see her be much nicer

[1:38:28] than she is in the movie.

[1:38:29] Yeah, inviting people to stalk someone

[1:38:32] who comes to your bar.

[1:38:34] Oh yeah, don't stalk her, she's very nice.

[1:38:36] Okay.

[1:38:39] So Stuart, what movie are you gonna recommend?

[1:38:42] Oh man, let me reach into my big bag of movies

[1:38:45] I watched recently.

[1:38:47] I mean, I guess an easy one, I just went and saw Mandy,

[1:38:51] the Nicolas Cage psychedelic freak out

[1:38:54] from the director of Beyond the Black Rainbow.

[1:38:58] It's a movie that features some super classic

[1:39:03] Nicolas Cage, like maniac acting.

[1:39:08] It's got an amazing score.

[1:39:11] It's the kind of movie that I feel like you wouldn't,

[1:39:15] I mean, people say this a lot,

[1:39:17] but like it's the sort of movie,

[1:39:19] it's playing in a limited release in theaters.

[1:39:21] And if you get a chance, you should see it.

[1:39:22] Cause for one, you're not gonna have a chance

[1:39:25] to see super fucking weird movies like this

[1:39:29] in the theaters that often.

[1:39:30] And it's weird in that it has a very straightforward,

[1:39:34] relatively simple premise, but the story is told strangely.

[1:39:38] And I mean, we don't get to see Nicolas Cage

[1:39:43] starring in movies in the theater that much anymore, right?

[1:39:46] That's true.

[1:39:47] Most of the time, if you're seeing Nicolas Cage,

[1:39:48] it's on video on demand.

[1:39:50] So it's really great.

[1:39:52] Yeah, and also just the score of this movie,

[1:39:55] which was the, I think the...

[1:40:00] are like Johan Johansson I think this is either his last movie that he scored or

[1:40:05] one of the last movies he scored he just passed away and it's really incredible

[1:40:09] and oppressive and great and I mean this is a movie that does feature Nicolas

[1:40:15] Cage getting in a chainsaw fight with another guy and there's a certain

[1:40:20] breakout star in the middle of the movie that I don't want to spoil for anyone

[1:40:24] but man yeah go check out Mandy I really want to see that I want to see

[1:40:30] both of those movies because I haven't had a chance to I'm gonna recommend as I

[1:40:34] said a movie from 1985 that's right the year David Cailin was born my brother

[1:40:38] happy birthday it's not his birthday but it's his birth video wait a minute he's

[1:40:43] only 33 yeah woof anyway I'm gonna recommend it's a Japanese movie called

[1:40:55] Tampopo it's directed by Juzo Itami and it is a really funny movie and a really

[1:41:02] weird movie it's about these two truckers decide that they're gonna help

[1:41:07] a woman who runs a ramen bar to become the greatest ramen chef she can be and

[1:41:13] much of the movie is about making noodles and cooking noodles but then

[1:41:17] there's also these kind of short sketches basically that pop up every

[1:41:22] now and then that are kind of about people's relationships with food and how

[1:41:26] food is how people deal with it from a central point of view but also from a

[1:41:31] social point of view and it's just like it's one of these movies that you never

[1:41:36] are quite certain exactly what's coming along and even like the score is really

[1:41:40] funny the way that they like this very it's very dramatic music for a movie

[1:41:44] about a woman who is learning how to cook noodles and it's just a really I

[1:41:49] really enjoyed a lot I was a really good movie and it looks great and you've got

[1:41:54] a young Ken Watanabe in a pivotal supporting role and so I would recommend

[1:42:00] it Tampopo if you want to see a movie about two truckers teaching woman how to

[1:42:04] cook noodles that's much funnier than that sounds then go for it deal with it

[1:42:09] I mean I feel like every movie that I go to the theaters nowadays I'm just

[1:42:13] sick all these truckers teaching noodle making movies if you want to learn more

[1:42:18] about the ramen process than you ever thought you wanted to know it's that's a

[1:42:22] reason to watch it too I think that Stuart does want to know a lot about the

[1:42:26] ramen yeah I love ramen dude I'm crazy for that shit oh then this is the movie

[1:42:29] for you it also has drowned me in it it also has one of the weirdest sex scenes

[1:42:33] I've ever seen in a movie so you might like that too but if it involves ramen

[1:42:38] it's not that weird I feel like it's pretty natural yeah just do with the

[1:42:43] ramen I kind of would like if you know if I had to go I've mentioned in the

[1:42:48] past that if I had if I had to die violently I want you have to die

[1:42:54] hopefully but if I have to die violently I would want to be devoured alive by a

[1:42:59] critter ball you know like rolled over by a giant ball of critters like in

[1:43:02] critters too yeah but I think a close second is filling a like a kiddie pool

[1:43:08] with ramen and drowning me in it kind of like that scene in dead or alive where

[1:43:13] they drown that young woman in a kiddie pool full of excrement mm-hmm okay but

[1:43:18] not actually I want ramen I don't feel like I needed that comparison I

[1:43:22] understood perfectly what you were saying without I feel like the reference

[1:43:30] helps people I saw the look of real like understanding dawn on Elliot's I

[1:43:36] had a real trouble visualizing it and then you mentioned the scene where she

[1:43:39] drowns in excrement and I was like oh I got it I get it now okay yes make sense

[1:43:44] I thought it was necessary okay yeah so cool let's sign off do that there's a

[1:43:53] lot of great visions of kiddie pools filled with excrement dance in our

[1:43:57] yeah remember to go over to max maximum fun org listen to a bunch of other

[1:44:02] podcasts that don't have things about kiddie pools filled with excrement in

[1:44:06] them I mean you won't know till you listen really yeah I mean that's part of

[1:44:09] the joy of podcasts yeah stop podcasting yourself this week is all about kiddie

[1:44:13] pools filled with excrement all of a sudden for something yeah you know those

[1:44:18] guys but uh enjoy that and for the flop house I've been Dan McCoy I'm Stuart

[1:44:24] Wellington I'm Elliot Kaelin saying tweet about us review us whatever you

[1:44:28] want to do take the flop house and put it in your outside world life because

[1:44:32] you know what you need it we need you and together maybe just maybe just maybe

[1:44:39] he's trying to come up with a sentence I'll think of it into maybe just maybe

[1:44:46] I'll think of an end to this sentence all right thank you guys see you later

[1:44:50] bye-bye now if there are any scenes that I don't mention that you want to

[1:45:00] bring up go ahead and bring them up I think they've already escaped my brain

[1:45:04] as a fever dream because if you wanted to if you want to talk about part where

[1:45:07] the dad walks in and Grisso is using the dad's toothbrush as a loofah that is a

[1:45:12] hundred percent why would we not to those are the best

[1:45:17] okay well well maybe I'll mention it I'm like what are you guys it's the best

[1:45:22] part or the scene where the elderly Jui-Gon is lusting after the grandma

[1:45:26] from afar yeah you know let me know if you want to mention these just bring them

[1:45:30] up maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #267 - Dwegons and Leprechauns

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