Ep. #274 - Gotti

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Gotti.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] Forget about it.

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] I feel like it doesn't get better than that.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:39] Hey, I'm Stuart over here.

[0:41] Stuart Wellington, that is.

Elliott Kalan

[0:43] And I'm Elliot Kalin, Ellie Bag of Donuts.

Stuart Wellington

[0:45] Yeah, from the block.

[0:46] Yeah.

[0:47] One of the boys.

[0:48] As you can tell from our period-appropriate and region-appropriate accents,

[0:54] we're talking about the movie Gotti today on the Flophouse.

[0:58] That's right, because what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:00] Wow, we're really getting into it fast this time.

[1:02] Okay, we watched a bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04] Oh, sorry, Dan.

[1:05] Should we dilly-dally more?

[1:06] How was your guys' weekend?

[1:08] Usually we dick around a little bit.

[1:10] How much trampolining did you do this weekend?

[1:12] Because I did a fair amount.

[1:15] I would say I spent zero hours trampolining.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17] Is trampolining like a new thing kids are doing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] Yeah, yeah.

[1:21] It's a slang innuendo for jumping on a trampoline.

[1:24] Oh, wow.

[1:26] Cool, cool.

[1:27] Hey, guys, how many times did a four-year-old boy demand you play a Monty Python-based card game with him?

Dan McCoy

[1:32] I don't know.

[1:34] Not, not, not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34] Because that is the new-

[1:36] Describe the mechanics to me, please.

[1:39] Well, it's a variant of the game Flux.

[1:42] Okay.

[1:42] So it's a card game in which the goal and the rules of the game are changing.

[1:46] And you want to collect certain items that match a goal card as long as that goal card is in play.

[1:51] This is a game that was gifted to me.

[1:54] I know certain people hate the word gifted that used that way, but I don't care, whatever.

[1:57] Shakespeare made up words all the time.

[1:59] Gifted to me by my wife.

[2:00] And we said to my son, it says on the box it's for ages 13 and up.

[2:04] So it might be a little complicated for you.

[2:06] We'll play this with you another time.

[2:08] Instead, my son absorbs the rules as if by osmosis almost instantly and loves the game and wants to play it constantly.

[2:14] And so anytime he is not like in the bath or in the car or eating, he's like, Monty Python, Monty Python, let's play Monty Python.

[2:22] Daddy, can you guess what I'm thinking right now?

[2:24] Monty Python.

[2:24] Hey, Daddy, I'm thinking of a game that starts with M, Monty Python.

[2:27] And we played it three times this morning.

[2:29] And he beats me one-third to two-thirds of the time we play.

Stuart Wellington

[2:33] Elliot, you can't see because your camera's off, but I'm crying right now.

Elliott Kalan

[2:38] We've said to him, we're like, Stuart's going to be very happy to play a game with you someday.

[2:43] Stuart, I've been talking to him a lot about you because he seems to grasp game mechanics very quickly.

[2:48] And he's all about games.

[2:50] And he actually, it's worrying me a little bit because he started designing what he calls a murder world,

[2:55] where he wants to put people through what he calls games with the ultimate risk and the ultimate penalty.

[3:03] So I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[3:04] He's already got the tagline on the box ready.

Elliott Kalan

[3:07] And he started building a prototype with his Legos.

[3:10] And I mean, it seems like it works pretty well.

[3:12] Nobody's seen the mailman in a few days.

Stuart Wellington

[3:14] I mean, I feel like the game with the ultimate risk and ultimate penalty was already designed.

[3:18] And it's called Don't Break the Ice.

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] Oh, I would think it was Don't Wake Daddy because the secret was Daddy, he's an alcoholic.

Stuart Wellington

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:26] You don't want to wake him.

[3:27] He has rage issues.

[3:29] Now, on the other hand, crackers in my bed.

[3:31] It's nice to hear you describe how to play a game.

[3:33] Usually, shoes on the other foot for me.

[3:35] And I have to describe a game to you or Dan to various levels of complaining.

Dan McCoy

[3:42] I wouldn't say complaining.

[3:43] Maybe glazed disinterest.

[3:46] Yeah.

[3:46] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] The last time Dan came over for a game night, every time it was his turn, he let out the most audible sigh.

[3:52] It was amazing.

[3:54] And then he did the best out of everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[3:56] So, you know.

[3:56] I mean, well, that's – Dan, at this point, the sigh doesn't really mean what we think.

[4:00] It means he's more sigh than man at this point.

[4:02] Yeah.

[4:02] And the sigh is just the way he interacts with the universe.

[4:04] Okay.

[4:05] That being said, Dan, rather than give you a chance to counteract that, let's – enough – let's cut the shit, okay?

[4:11] No offense.

[4:12] Let's like – guys, we got real family business to deal with around here.

[4:16] Real top business.

[4:18] Because, Dan, what do we do on this love pod nosta of ours?

Dan McCoy

[4:23] Well, we said it already.

[4:24] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:26] I couldn't remember because of the dilly dally.

[4:27] What did we do this week, Dan?

[4:29] We watched Scotty.

[4:30] We watched Scotty starring Johnny Travolta.

Elliott Kalan

[4:33] Johnny Travolta as Johnny Gotti.

[4:35] That's right.

[4:36] John Gotti.

[4:36] The Teflon Don.

[4:38] The Dapper Don.

[4:39] Donald Duck.

[4:41] Don Johnson.

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:44] Well, yeah, I guess that's fair.

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] He had a penis.

[4:46] Prove me wrong, Stuart.

[4:47] Okay.

[4:48] Wait.

[4:48] I got to do the math.

Stuart Wellington

[4:50] Wow.

[4:51] It checks out.

Elliott Kalan

[4:52] Now, Gotti had the – it was in the 2018 Hall of Shame as it topped the list of many people's

[4:58] worst movies of the year.

[5:00] Do we feel the same way?

[5:01] Well, let's just say that it was directed by E.

[5:03] from the Entourage TV show and leave it at that.

[5:06] That's who it was?

Dan McCoy

[5:07] Yes.

[5:08] I knew I recognized that fucking name, but I didn't know.

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] After many years being attached as a possible Barry Levinson project, this book was finally

[5:16] handed into the equivalent hands of E. from Entourage, whose name I can't remember.

[5:23] I'm sure he's a fine human being.

[5:25] But it seems like he was not as up to the task as, say, Barry Levinson.

[5:29] Now, let's say one thing about Gotti.

[5:31] This movie wants to be Goodfellas so badly.

[5:33] Yeah.

[5:34] Like, it is – it like – it so wants to be Goodfellas.

[5:37] Everything about it is ape and Goodfellas.

[5:39] And I think it's missing out on – just to spoil a little bit.

[5:43] It misses out on the main point of Goodfellas, which is that the mafia life is very seductive

[5:47] for good reasons, but it's also very self-destructive and it will ruin your life.

[5:51] Whereas –

Stuart Wellington

[5:52] It feels like somebody watched only the, like – only watched Goodfellas once while

[5:56] it was screening on, like, TBS and missed the end of it.

Elliott Kalan

[6:02] They watched the first half of it and then got a phone call and all they saw were helicopters

[6:07] and him getting a nice new house at the end.

[6:09] And they were like, this looks pretty cool.

[6:10] Because this movie is about how the mafia life is very seductive because it's great

[6:15] and sometimes you meet really wonderful people like John Gotti.

[6:18] Now, guys, going into this movie, what was your level of knowledge about John Gotti?

Dan McCoy

[6:23] I knew he was a mafia kingpin.

[6:26] Uh-huh.

[6:26] Okay.

[6:27] And that was it.

[6:28] I think – I was pretty sure he was dead.

Elliott Kalan

[6:30] Okay.

[6:31] So – and Stuart, similar?

Stuart Wellington

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:33] I mean, I watched this movie with my wife who had a much larger knowledge base of John Gotti,

[6:40] having grown up and lived all her life in Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[6:43] Yes.

[6:43] Now, because this movie really seems to assume a very large amount of knowledge about John

[6:50] Gotti and his life on the part of the viewer and also a real desire to connect with John

[6:54] Gotti.

[6:55] There are scenes that come up in the movie where you're supposed to be like, oh, this

[6:59] is what's going to happen.

[7:01] And I was like – and so they'd mention people's names and I'd be like, okay, who?

[7:04] What?

[7:04] Like there's a bunch of scenes where they're just mentioning the names of other real-life

[7:07] mobsters.

[7:08] And it was like – at this point – and this is what it must feel like when I'm talking

[7:10] about Star Wars in front of certain people where I'm just like, oh, yeah, yeah, well,

[7:14] you got Mo Ma Naidon and you got Ponda Beba and they're just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[7:18] Syllables.

[7:18] Yes.

[7:19] That's what some of the scenes in this movie fell like.

Dan McCoy

[7:20] Yeah.

[7:20] This movie loves to introduce new characters.

[7:23] Loves it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:23] And it's a mix of that, you know, an almost William Gibson-esque disregard to people's

[7:30] knowledge of the situation.

[7:34] But also there will be scenes where they'll explain everything so explicitly that you're

[7:39] like, Stacey Keech, John Cotty would know the names of the five different boroughs of

[7:44] New York.

[7:46] You don't have to explain it.

[7:47] In the greatest scene in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:48] Oh, that movie is where John Cotty – well, just skipping ahead, John Cotty is plotting

[7:52] to murder his own mob boss.

[7:55] And he's talking to the underboss, played by Stacey Keech.

[7:57] And Stacey Keech goes, you're going to have to have the heads of all five families and

[8:00] the heads of all five boroughs – Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens, Staten Island.

[8:07] And John Cotty is absorbing this information like a Patamon at the feet of a Jedi master.

[8:11] And you're like – you'd think it would be shorthand.

[8:15] He would understand.

[8:15] But okay.

[8:16] So let's start with the movie.

[8:17] We open.

[8:18] John Cotty is standing next to – which bridge was that?

[8:20] Was that the 59th Street Bridge?

[8:23] Or I couldn't – or the Manhattan Bridge.

[8:25] He's standing next to a bridge in New York.

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] This is an important detail for us to get correct or else people will disregard our opinion

[8:30] of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[8:32] I know.

[8:32] They'll be like, um, that was the right bridge.

[8:34] But it looks as if he just whacked Woody Allen and Annie Hall and is standing next to the

[8:39] bridge they were looking at.

[8:40] But he addresses the camera and he talks about how he's from New York and he made it big.

[8:44] He started from the gutter and he made it big.

[8:46] And then he says what I thought was maybe the funniest line in the movie.

[8:49] Oh, I love this line.

[8:50] This life ends in one of two ways, dead or in jail.

[8:53] I did both.

[8:54] And it's like, dude, everyone does both if they go to jail.

[8:56] Because it's not like there's a mob boss who's been in jail for 200 years.

[9:00] Well, it's also wrong.

[9:03] The Grim Reaper – it's not a Final Destination scenario where the Grim Reaper wants to steal

[9:07] the soul of Sam the Chin Gigante, but Sam's in jail and he's like,

[9:11] Dast, these bars will stop my skeletal fingers.

Stuart Wellington

[9:14] Yeah, his scythe keeps setting off the metal detector and so he has to bake it in a cake.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] He tries to sneak in his sight through a cake and they're like, oh, nope.

[9:25] Try again.

[9:26] Try again, embodiment of the abstract notion of death and unbeing.

[9:30] You did not nail it.

[9:34] Yes, Dan.

[9:35] Sorry.

[9:35] I just talked to Sammy.

[9:36] It's fine.

[9:37] You can think of me as your son.

[9:39] I do kind of.

[9:39] I already do.

Dan McCoy

[9:40] It's also wrong in another way, which is there's one way that life ends and it's in

[9:45] death.

[9:46] It's not like the other option is jail.

[9:49] It's like, I pick jail where I will live forever.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] Well, he's talking about the life, the mob life.

[9:58] So anyway, we cut to 1973 and Gotti is –

Stuart Wellington

[10:01] And also, we have to point out that in that opening sequence and like much of this movie,

[10:08] John Travolta is wearing like actual clothes – the actual clothes of John Gotti.

[10:13] He had gotten a lot of John Gotti's actual wardrobe to wear during this film.

Elliott Kalan

[10:19] Oh, I didn't realize that.

[10:20] Because the movie –

[10:21] It is based on the memoirs of John Gotti's son, John Jr.

[10:24] Uh-huh.

[10:25] So I didn't realize that.

[10:26] So he's wearing John Gotti's suits.

[10:27] Is that why he felt the need to put on strangely varying amounts of makeup at different points

[10:33] depending on the age he thinks John Gotti is supposed to be?

[10:36] Because just to spoil something, he has some of the worst old age makeup I've seen in a

[10:41] long time.

[10:42] It's like he saw Guy Pearce in Prometheus and was like, I can do better.

[10:45] I can outdo that.

[10:47] But he – when he's playing old John Gotti, he's wearing such heavy makeup.

[10:52] I thought he was supposed to be 95 years old.

[10:55] And then I looked up John Gotti at the end.

[10:56] They say, John Gotti dead at the age of 61.

[10:58] And I was like, wait a minute.

[10:59] I looked up.

[10:59] John Travolta is older than 61 right now.

[11:01] So I guess they had to make him look older than he is now.

[11:04] So they made him look like an elderly – like a mummy.

Stuart Wellington

[11:07] I mean, I guess he had been like going through cancer treatment maybe.

[11:12] So maybe –

[11:13] Maybe.

[11:14] It usually doesn't make you look elderly.

[11:17] And it's great that there's – that they go so overboard with his old age makeup.

[11:24] But for the actor who plays John Gotti Jr., the only nods to age changes are his hair

[11:32] is slicked down when he's younger.

[11:33] It's straight up when he's older.

[11:35] And I think he has a little bit of gray on the sides, J. Jonah Jameson style at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] And he wears glasses.

[11:41] They put glasses on him.

[11:43] See, so John Jr. is played by this guy who must be 21 years old through the whole movie.

[11:47] And there's a part at the end where he's saying goodbye to his family and his kids are all like 8, 10 years old.

[11:52] And I was like, wait, are these his younger brothers?

[11:54] Like, hold on a second.

[11:56] He does not – it looks like – are these friends of his that he brought home from school?

[12:00] They're on a sleepover with him?

[12:01] It was – it's hilarious.

[12:03] But – and so to make John Travolta look younger when he's young, John Gotti, they just make his hair so black.

[12:08] It's like gravity can't escape.

[12:10] Light can't escape the gravity of his hair.

[12:12] It's so black.

[12:12] But anyway, so it's 1973.

[12:15] And young John Gotti, he's heading a team for Carlo Gambino of the Gambino crime family to find a kidnapper who kidnapped somebody.

[12:22] I guess Carlo's son?

[12:23] I'm not sure.

[12:24] It's like why they choose John Gotti to do it.

[12:26] Who knows?

[12:26] The next scene, they're in a bar.

[12:28] The kidnapper's there.

[12:29] They shoot him in the head as smoke on the water plays.

[12:31] How do they find him?

[12:32] Who knows?

[12:33] Who cares?

[12:33] He's John Gotti.

[12:34] He's just good at that stuff.

[12:35] And now he's a made man.

[12:37] Cut to – he's an old man in jail.

[12:38] Again, looks like he should be guarding the one true grail in a cave somewhere so that Donovan can't drink the life of eternal youth from it.

Stuart Wellington

[12:47] Yeah, and instead he should just pick the right Pepsi, right?

[12:50] That's the thing?

[12:51] Like if you pick the wrong Pepsi, your face melts?

Elliott Kalan

[12:53] Yeah, I think that's how those commercials used to work, yeah.

[12:56] But he's recovering from cancer and he tells his son, John Jr., who again looks like he's about 15 years old, although he is playing the married father head of a mob family, not to take a plea deal because that's the coward's way out.

[13:09] Cut back to him in jail as a young dad.

[13:11] He won't let his son be a cop for Halloween and we get to see him and his wife.

[13:14] And he and his wife are like an SNL version of a mob couple.

[13:18] They are – and it's his real-life wife, right?

[13:20] Yeah, that's Kelly Preston.

Stuart Wellington

[13:21] And I believe that scene, if it was a sketch on Saturday Night Live, it would have been titled, What's the Matter with you?

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] And they would have hosted a show from their wood-paneled basement, yeah, about what's going on on the block in the neighborhood.

[13:37] But it's like the old – the like Boston sketch from SNL where they're the Bostonians like is a scene of restrained character work compared to the arguments.

[13:48] And at this point, the movie is just ping-ponging back and forth between the present and the past – oh, I guess the future or the past.

[13:55] I mean the not as distant past and the very distant past in a way that I think is supposed to, again, set up thematic lessons like Goodfellas does.

[14:04] But instead is – it just kind of – it feels like a quilt, like a crazy quilt.

[14:08] The craziest of quilts.

Stuart Wellington

[14:09] And you're talking about the Batman villain, not the hired gun card from the Doomtown collectible card game.

Dan McCoy

[14:17] You read my mind, Stuart.

[14:18] It's also – it's also very confusing, the time jumps, because like there will be like scenes within like the same year where like –

[14:29] I was watching this with a friend and she kept being like, how much time has passed?

[14:33] How much time has passed?

[14:35] Like because there would be scenes between the same year where like you have no idea.

[14:38] And then there would be like title cards occasionally that would tell you the year.

[14:42] But then there would be like title cards that would tell you the year and it was the same year as it was the last time they told you the year.

[14:48] There were like five ones that said 1985.

[14:50] I'm like, okay, great.

[14:51] Thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[14:53] Yeah.

[14:54] Was there a fucking sale on 1985 title cards?

Elliott Kalan

[14:59] Some of these 1985 title cards are just not moving the way they used to.

[15:02] We'll put a bulk discount on them.

[15:04] It's a movie that – it has some storytelling issues.

[15:08] Yeah, Dan.

[15:08] Let's put a positive spin on it and say that it always keeps the audience on their toes.

[15:12] It's a movie that challenges you to really pay attention to catch all the clues.

[15:16] It feels like before –

Stuart Wellington

[15:17] It's a protected portrait.

[15:19] It feels like keeping the audience on their toes is a good choice of words, Elliot, because it was around now in the movie where we have a scene where the character, John Travolta, is talking to other mafioso guys.

[15:30] And they're just like standing out in the street and they're using terms that incensed my wife because she had to jump up, stop the movie, and explain to me that there is no way that mafia guys would stand around referring to things as the mafia and specific family names.

Elliott Kalan

[15:49] I mean the fact that La Cosa Nostra is literally the code word for the mafia because they don't want to say mafia.

[15:55] Yeah, they all have – the fact that – it's one of those – like we were saying, it's a movie that will withhold special information like who is John Gotti and where did he come from and why is he doing this?

[16:06] But then it will spoon feed you the idea that like there's a family called the Gambino family.

[16:12] Okay?

[16:13] Great.

[16:14] Also, we're the mobs, so we murder people.

Stuart Wellington

[16:16] Yeah, they'll say stuff like, oh, that guy is from the Greek mafia.

Elliott Kalan

[16:24] It's – part of storytelling is knowing what information is necessary and what information can be withheld.

[16:28] And I feel like they like did the photo negative of that.

[16:31] I wish that when we – because this movie is on Amazon Prime.

[16:34] I wish that when I pressed play, a title card came up that said, wait, don't watch this movie until you receive the information packet in the mail.

[16:42] And then I would just get like a special booklet in the mail called So You're Going to Watch Gotti.

[16:47] And it would explain a lot of the things I needed to know because –

Dan McCoy

[16:50] We were watching with the subtitles on and that didn't really help that much.

[16:53] Oh, totally.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] Now, there's a scene – I want to mention very quickly my second favorite line in the movie after when he names all of the burrows, which is John Jr.

[17:02] He's at the military academy.

[17:03] He says a news story about his dad on the mafia, being in the mafia because his dad is also famous always, which was true in real life too.

[17:09] But then it cuts to for some reason John Gotti giving his other kids money to see a movie to get them out of the house.

[17:15] And he goes, go see that movie you love about spaghetti, meatballs.

[17:20] And there's just something so stupid about – one, the specificity of like, look, we got to make sure everyone knows what year it is.

[17:26] So we'll have them go see meatballs.

[17:28] But it was like, he's Italian.

[17:29] So he's going to think the movie is really about meatballs.

[17:32] Oh, forget about it.

[17:33] Isn't that crazy?

[17:34] Come on.

[17:35] Like, it's such a dumb moment.

Stuart Wellington

[17:37] He was talking about meatballs.

[17:39] Jesus Christ.

[17:40] I didn't know what movie he was talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[17:44] So anyway, yeah, he's plotting crimes on the street using terms they wouldn't use.

[17:49] He tells some guys to stop plotting crimes for a moment to help an old lady with her groceries.

[17:53] And he's keeping an eye on local businesses to make sure they're safe and supported.

[17:57] He's just a guy taking care of the neighborhood.

[17:59] Anyway, more and more, John Jr. is getting pulled into the life.

[18:02] John Gotti is meeting lots of other mobsters.

[18:05] There's a scene where he's at a disco and other mobsters are just being pointed out to him.

[18:09] And it feels like it's the recap at the beginning of a mob show.

[18:13] Like, they're just like, remember all these guys?

Stuart Wellington

[18:15] And he's hanging out.

[18:17] Is he hanging out with Stacey Keech at this point?

Elliott Kalan

[18:20] Yes, he's hanging out with Stacey Keech, who is what?

[18:23] What's this character's name?

[18:24] Nick or something?

[18:25] I can't remember.

[18:26] Neil.

[18:27] Neil.

[18:28] He's the underboss to Paul.

[18:30] Paul Castellano, who's the head of the family that they're in.

[18:33] And everyone's like, Stacey Keech, you should be the boss.

[18:36] You shouldn't be the underboss.

[18:37] Stacey Keech seems pretty happy being the underboss.

[18:40] But Gotti has a problem with the boss Paul, which is that Paul doesn't care about family.

[18:44] He just cares about money.

[18:46] He's only in the mob for the money.

[18:48] He's not in the mob for all the bullshit, macho loyalty garbage that gets thrown out the window constantly.

[18:55] Because the thing about this movie is it's like –

[18:57] The pinky rings and whatnot.

[18:58] It's almost like the last samurai of mob movies where it's like this is a group of warriors and men of honor who care only about their dignity and about each other.

[19:09] But then everything in the movie is about, no, they're just like violent jerks who beat people up and only want to take stuff.

[19:16] Everyone in the movie is – and John Gotti is like, I'm all about loyalty.

[19:19] Loyalty is the most important thing to me.

[19:20] Now, are you going to help me kill my boss or what?

[19:24] But meanwhile, being a mob boss, it's not all peaches and cream.

[19:30] It's not all champagne and roses, guys.

[19:32] You know what?

[19:32] Being the head of a violent, murderous crime syndicate that likes to pretend it is a sort of quasi-religious fraternal organization built on love when that love is enforced mainly through violence and money and also the abuse of women and hatred of minorities and all sorts of things.

[19:49] It's not all the dream it sounds like because Gotti's other son, Frankie, is hit by a car and killed with all the subtlety of an insurance scare commercial that they show you when you go to an insurance office to get you to buy more insurance.

[20:05] And it almost tears the family apart.

[20:08] And this is a real – it's a real tragedy that could happen to anybody, not just a mob boss.

[20:12] And this is when we see John Gotti really come to the fore as a husband and as a man because even though he is constantly gone either in jail or plotting crimes and most of his interaction with his sons involves giving them money to go see spaghetti movies.

[20:25] Here he is really there emotionally for his wife who falls apart and he puts his mob life on hold for a couple weeks to take his wife on a vacation.

[20:35] And guys, wouldn't we all do the same if our children were killed, put our jobs on the hold for a couple weeks to take our wives on the vacation so that they can get over it?

Stuart Wellington

[20:44] I mean as long as we're men of honor, then yes, of course we would do that, Elliot.

[20:48] I guess so.

[20:49] And he's a made man, right?

[20:51] So I'm not super into the mafia stuff.

[20:53] Being a made man is like being a knight, right?

[20:56] Oh, yeah, very much so.

Elliott Kalan

[20:58] And similarly in that being a knight was also gussing up violence and oppression of the weak with this idea of you're doing something holy and better.

[21:07] The mafia is just like that.

Stuart Wellington

[21:09] Yes.

[21:09] Only in this case.

[21:10] Can any made man make another person a made man like the way a knight can knight someone else?

Elliott Kalan

[21:16] I don't think so.

[21:18] But I don't think it's like a vampire where you can just bite.

[21:20] A made man bites a made man and turns them into a made man.

[21:23] Although it's one of those things where – so they show a made man ceremony later on when John Jr. becomes a made man.

[21:30] And it's basically like they take some blood from your finger and I guess put it on a picture of the Virgin Mary.

[21:35] And there's a candle there.

[21:37] And they make you swear an oath.

[21:38] And then they tell you that if you ever rat them out, they're going to kill you.

[21:41] And then they're like, now you're our brother.

[21:42] And we're all brothers because – I don't know about you guys.

[21:45] We all have brothers.

[21:46] I don't usually enforce my relationship with my brother with threats of death if he turns on me.

[21:52] When we were growing up, there was a lot of that actually.

[21:56] Like my brother is getting married next year.

[21:59] And we've been talking about his bachelor party stuff.

[22:00] And I'm not like, David Kalin, you're my brother.

[22:03] You're always going to be my brother.

[22:05] But if you rat me out, so help me God.

[22:07] I'm going to kill you.

[22:07] I'll kill your family, which is my family.

Stuart Wellington

[22:09] So I'm going to be really sad.

[22:11] But I'll do it.

[22:11] Elliot, if you get for – I have a little idea for your brother's bachelor party.

[22:17] Okay.

[22:17] You should get a special guest, Gritty the hockey mascot.

[22:23] He would love that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:25] My brother is the kind of person where I can imagine Gritty shows up at the party and then starts taking the costume off and there's a stripper underneath.

[22:31] And he's like, no, no, no.

[22:32] Put the costume back on.

[22:33] I want to hang out with Gritty.

Stuart Wellington

[22:34] David would be crying because it's like finding out that Santa is just your dad.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] The illusion has been destroyed.

Elliott Kalan

[22:43] I mean, our dad is Santa.

[22:45] He's Tim Allen in the Santa Claus.

[22:46] That's our dad.

[22:47] Oh, wow.

[22:47] When we were a kid, my dad hit Santa with his car and had to take over the role.

[22:51] And it was hard.

[22:53] It was hard growing up with our dad being so deep in the Santa life because he often wasn't there.

[22:57] He was with his underbosses, his capos, the elves, and he would have to plot on his list which kids would get good presents and which kids would get whacked.

[23:07] And that's the secret about Santa on the naughty list.

[23:09] Those kids, they just disappear them.

[23:11] But – and I wanted to be a made elf and I tried so hard and he took me aside and he was like, you're weak.

[23:16] I'm sorry.

[23:17] You're weak.

[23:17] You're never going to have what it takes.

[23:19] And that's why I turned States Evidence and why my dad's in jail.

Stuart Wellington

[23:21] This is a mashup worthy of a Facebook-promoted T-shirt.

[23:27] There's got to be some sort of Santa mob.

Elliott Kalan

[23:30] Like the same way that there was that period where everyone was – everyone.

[23:33] Where I was constantly seeing people wearing those Looney Tunes like gangster rap mashup shirts where Bugs and Daffy and Taz would be wearing a ton of rings and gold chains.

[23:41] There's got to be some kind of Santa mafia thing.

[23:43] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:43] Like I didn't choose the Santa life.

[23:45] The Santa life chose me or something.

[23:47] Yeah, yeah.

[23:48] Exactly, exactly.

[23:49] The other thing about that –

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] La Cosa Santa, something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[23:52] Or like Mrs. Claus painted up like a Dio Dos Buertos lady with a pair of nickel-plated 45s in her hands.

Elliott Kalan

[24:02] Okay.

[24:03] I mean that's a kind of different criminal organization.

[24:05] That's not the mafia.

Stuart Wellington

[24:06] But it's still really cool.

[24:08] I mean that's –

Elliott Kalan

[24:09] I'm just pitching ideas.

[24:10] I mean I thought we were blue sky in it right now.

[24:13] Yeah, yeah.

[24:13] There are no bad ideas.

[24:14] No bad ideas.

[24:15] Dan, do you have any bad ideas?

Dan McCoy

[24:17] No, but I wanted to say that the other thing about that made man ritual or whatever, like the fact that they did that stuff with the blood and burning the photo.

[24:25] So I was just like I guess this is, you know, like based on this book that you said.

[24:30] So this all has to be accurate.

[24:32] But I had no idea that the mob was so silly.

Stuart Wellington

[24:35] Yeah, yeah.

[24:36] Just like everybody poops.

[24:37] Based on a book, everybody poops.

Elliott Kalan

[24:40] Yeah, yeah.

[24:40] Just like that movie, Two Girls, One Cup.

[24:42] Based on the book, everybody poops.

[24:45] Yeah, it's – the mob – I mean here's the thing.

[24:47] One, anything that New York guys from the block do is inherently silly.

[24:53] They're the silliest of all people and I say that as somebody who grew up in New Jersey who lived a lot of – long time in New York who really loves those types of people.

[25:02] But they're very silly.

[25:03] But also the mob – that's the thing.

[25:05] It's like the mob is at heart – it's a criminal enterprise and I know I'm going to – I know I'm putting my life on the line by saying that, guys.

[25:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[25:10] So I need you to protect me.

[25:11] The mob is a criminal enterprise but they need to pretend it's more than that or else people will just turn them into the cops all the time so that they don't go to jail.

[25:19] And so they have to pretend it's a religion essentially.

[25:21] Now, if I was a real radical, I would say that all religion is in a sense an organized crime that guzzies itself up with silly nonsense.

[25:29] But I don't believe that so I will not say it.

[25:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:32] Well, yeah.

[25:33] It's like the cult leader in Mandy.

[25:35] Once his like aura of fear is punctured, his strength – he loses power.

Elliott Kalan

[25:41] Yeah, exactly.

[25:41] I mean once – the cult leader in Mandy, he's got to gussy it up or else he's just a kind of like frail ex-folk singer walking around with an open robe with his penis hanging out.

[25:53] At which point, are you going to go kill Nicolas Cage's wife on his word, on his say-so?

[25:57] I don't think so.

[25:58] Okay, anyway.

[26:00] John Gotti Jr. keeps falling into the life.

[26:02] But John Gotti lies to his wife and says that John Jr. is going to be kept away from that life.

[26:06] Meanwhile, there's another tragedy, one that the movie treats as almost bigger than the death of a child when cops wiretap Gotti's best friend Angelo.

Stuart Wellington

[26:15] Played by character actor Pruitt Taylor Vince, who's awesome.

Dan McCoy

[26:20] Yeah, although he's another one of these characters that showed up in the movie.

[26:23] I'm just like, were you in the movie before?

Elliott Kalan

[26:26] Well, they're like, this was his dad's best friend Ang.

[26:29] Ang was his best friend.

[26:31] I'm like, really?

[26:31] Because they haven't spent any time together until this moment when he needed to enter the story.

Stuart Wellington

[26:34] Apparently early on in the production, this role was supposed to go to Joe Pesci, and then he gained a bunch of weight.

[26:41] And then they gave him a different role, and he sued them, and they had to pay him money.

Dan McCoy

[26:47] Yeah, this movie is like the production.

[26:49] Wait, hold on, hold on.

[26:50] The production.

[26:51] No, no, Elliot, shut up for a second.

[26:54] For once in your life, shut up.

[26:56] They gave him a different role because he gained a bunch of weight?

[27:00] Pruitt Taylor Vince is not a small man.

Stuart Wellington

[27:01] No, I think he gained weight for the role, and then they're like, actually, we got Pruitt Taylor Vince, who has not been nominated for Academy Awards like you, Joe Pesci.

Elliott Kalan

[27:12] It was a – they – I think Joe Pesci won, didn't he?

[27:17] Yeah, he won.

[27:17] For Goodfellas?

[27:18] Yeah.

[27:18] But the production history of this movie is almost more interesting than the movie.

[27:24] Like, this was going to be like an A-list movie with big-name people in it.

[27:28] And then over time – and this happens to movies all the time – it just kind of like slipped through the cracks and filtered down to this netherworld where it's being directed by a guy from Entourage and MoviePass is one of the big investors.

[27:39] Yeah.

[27:39] So – and then –

Dan McCoy

[27:41] John Travolta, we have to say, big star, but he is giving one of the worst performances I've ever seen.

Stuart Wellington

[27:48] I mean, he's having fun, guys, right?

[27:51] He is having fun.

[27:52] He's having a good time.

[27:52] It's a thin line because he's trying –

[27:53] He's making a meal out of this thing.

Elliott Kalan

[27:55] He is so good in The People vs. O.J. Simpson, and that performance is not that different in some ways than this one.

[28:01] But there – I think he's so good in it, but he's playing this very flamboyant strange man.

[28:06] And here he needs to be playing a guy who can be taken seriously as a cunning mob boss, and instead he's playing it like this weird, flamboyant strange man.

[28:14] So if it was like – if this was a movie that was called like The Craziest Mob Boss, and he was the mob boss where everyone was like, can you – what's the deal with this guy?

[28:21] He's so weird.

[28:22] At that point, I mean, he's – I don't know.

[28:24] John Travolta's got a weird energy about him that I like.

[28:26] He's kind of – but in this one, it doesn't work.

[28:28] Okay, anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[28:29] And the whole time while watching this movie, I kept expecting Frank D'Angelo to walk in and start singing a song.

Elliott Kalan

[28:35] It does feel like a Frank D'Angelo movie that Frank D'Angelo turned down.

[28:39] Like he's like, I've got standards.

[28:42] No, thank you.

[28:44] You know, I left my heart in San Francisco.

[28:46] Shabubba da bubba da boom.

[28:49] So the cops wiretapped Angelo, and on the tapes, he says things about – bad things about the big boss, Paul, and also he talks about unsanctioned hits and stuff and crimes that Paul didn't sanction.

[29:01] The thing that – the lesson that I learned from this movie is that mobsters, for all their talk of loyalty and respect and honor, they're constantly pulling off crimes their bosses did not give them permission to do.

[29:10] That seems to be the running thread, and Paul wants those tapes, and Gotti is like, well, we've got to kill Paul.

[29:15] I've got to save Angelo.

[29:17] Meanwhile, Gotti beats the rap on a Rico case.

[29:20] There's a big street celebration that I think is also the 4th of July where fireworks are going off in the city streets, and some cops are like, hey, we've got to shut this down.

[29:28] But John Gotti stands up to them, and the cops stand down, and the neighborhood cheers because who's really in charge?

[29:33] John Gotti.

[29:34] Yeah, the cops realize that the small folk are with Gotti.

[29:38] Yeah, because once you get the money, then you get the fireworks, and then you get the power.

[29:43] Yeah, he's got the support of the commons.

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:46] But Gotti just keeps trying to kill Paul, and he has – meanwhile, there's another childhood friend of his who he has killed because he was to inform it.

[29:54] But then Stacey Keech dies, and Paul, the big boss, he does the worst thing, doesn't show up at the funeral.

[30:00] And John Gotti is like, this is unacceptable.

[30:02] And it is a pretty dick move.

[30:05] It's like if you didn't show up at the funeral of the person you're closest to because – I don't remember what they said he had to do.

[30:11] I think he was on a boat or something, or he had to – he was making – like he had to do a personal appearance on The Price is Right or something.

[30:19] Where do you think he was that was more important than his underboss's funeral?

[30:22] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[30:24] Which guy?

Stuart Wellington

[30:27] Oh, boy.

[30:28] It caught me.

[30:29] Moving on.

[30:30] He had Saturday Night Live tickets, and those are – he had put so much money into those.

Elliott Kalan

[30:36] Well, the thing is he really wanted to see the rehearsal because the show – we all see the show, but the rehearsal, that's where the magic gets made.

[30:44] And sometimes some of the best sketches show up and then get killed.

[30:48] But so John Gotti, he still wants to kill Paul, and now he really wants to kill him.

[30:51] And so this is when they pull off the one scene in the movie where I was like, oh, yeah, I remember this stuff, where Paul Castellano is assassinated outside of Sparks Steakhouse in Manhattan.

[31:01] Let me just say this, guys.

[31:02] Let me just say this about Sparks Steakhouse.

[31:04] Okay.

[31:04] I wish – this is someone who loves steakhouses.

[31:07] I have a personal favorite steakhouse.

[31:09] That's Keene's in Manhattan.

[31:10] I wish that Sparks was up to the same level of quality that I feel the band Sparks is at because I don't think it's that great a steakhouse.

[31:20] And if I was a mob boss, I would be kind of disappointed if I was killed in front of Sparks Steakhouse.

[31:24] I'd rather be killed in front of Keene's, Peter Luger's, maybe even Wolfgang's.

[31:30] Old Homestead.

[31:32] Old Homestead, the oldest steakhouse in New York.

[31:35] At a certain point, I might even pick being killed in front of a Ruth's Chris.

Stuart Wellington

[31:38] I mean, if we're talking about chain steakhouses, Ruth's Chris is pretty great.

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] Yeah.

[31:44] Or Morton's.

[31:46] Ruth's Chris and Morton's are fine chain steakhouses.

[31:48] Sparks, not as crazy.

[31:49] So again, I just want to make it clear.

[31:51] If I'm ever a mob boss and you want to kill me in front of a steakhouse, please kill me.

[31:55] Unless it's the fact is like you're killing me in front of a Sparks because you're like, he's going to be disappointed in this steak.

[32:00] I want to not make him feel that disappointment.

[32:02] I'll kill him before he eats it.

[32:03] Because if I get shot in front of Keene's, I'll be so disappointed that I'm not going to be chowing down on one of those dinosaur-sized prime ribs.

[32:08] Underneath a ceiling, hung with clay pipes.

[32:11] Surrounded by old newspapers from the 19th century.

Stuart Wellington

[32:14] You don't want to eat in a place that's with walls plastered with pictures of Don Shula and other members of the Miami Dolphins franchise.

Elliott Kalan

[32:22] Well, no.

[32:23] That's why I wouldn't eat in a Shula's if I was going to be assassinated.

[32:26] Although, Shula's not the best chain steakhouse.

[32:28] They're okay.

[32:29] They're not terrible.

[32:30] But I remember this being – like this was a big event when it happened.

[32:35] And this was the one time where I was like, oh, yeah.

[32:36] Here's something I know about John Gotti.

[32:38] Now, of course, this is one of the times – this is maybe the most famous thing he ever did other than, I guess, dying in jail.

[32:43] And this is one where they go so overboard with the archival news footage.

[32:48] And here's one thing I liked about this movie is that they show you a lot of archival news footage of John Gotti.

[32:55] Like just news stories covering him during the 80s.

[32:57] And it's like, oh, I kind of wish this was a documentary that was just like pieced together from old news stories and didn't have all this other stuff.

[33:05] Did you guys ever feel that way?

[33:06] I mean I love watching old news stuff.

Dan McCoy

[33:08] I certainly felt like whenever the news reports were on like were the only times I understood what was going on in the movie.

[33:13] I'm like, yes, thank God.

[33:15] Like someone's explaining what's happening in this film.

Stuart Wellington

[33:18] Oh, thank the maker.

[33:19] Finally.

[33:19] Yeah, yeah.

[33:20] It's like you paused the movie and it had the IMB trivia pop up on the side.

[33:25] Yeah.

[33:27] Or it listed what actors were playing what roles and you're like, that's who that is.

[33:32] Yeah, I dug it.

[33:34] It's with the archival news footage.

[33:36] It was a little disorienting because they do, except for like one specific thing, they make no effort to disguise what John Gotti actually looks like and what John Gotti Jr. actually looked like.

[33:50] So it's a little weird to see in a movie to see those two things, to see that and then Travolta in his crazy makeup.

Elliott Kalan

[33:57] I mean to see how much fatter the real John Gotti Jr. was, was a real shock to me.

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] He isn't like a super buff dude.

Elliott Kalan

[34:04] He wasn't and apparently was not 21 years old his whole life.

[34:07] He didn't look like a high school football player his whole life or a high school swimmer, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[34:12] I thought it was a tin drum situation where he decided he would never, he would stop aging.

Elliott Kalan

[34:17] You can do that?

[34:18] That's the power of the mob.

[34:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] Yeah, he's like, I'm never going to stop aging and my hair is never going to change except for getting taller or flatter.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] Well, that's the thing is that let's make him look older.

[34:30] I know, we'll give him a kid and play haircut.

[34:32] That's what'll do it.

[34:34] That'll really age him.

[34:35] But it was a little jarring to see, although it bugs me when they do, in movies sometimes it's more jarring when they have fake archival footage with the actor in it.

[34:44] But it was jarring to see the real John Gotti who just in his news footage exudes much more charisma than John Travolta exudes here.

[34:51] And then to see the real John Gotti Jr. and then see like, it did feel a little bit like you suddenly were watching the community theater performance of a famous movie or something like that.

[35:01] Anyway, there's John Gotti gets named the new head of the Gambino crime family.

[35:07] Now he's famous.

[35:07] He's on the news all the time.

[35:09] Lots more mob shenanigans.

[35:11] Gotti's best friend Angelo has tried some unsanctioned hits on Gotti's enemies.

[35:16] And to save his life, Gotti exiles him from the family.

[35:19] A year later, he dies, as John Gotti says in voiceover, of a broken heart.

Dan McCoy

[35:24] Oh, so sad.

[35:25] Okay, just like Queen Amidala.

[35:27] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[35:27] Yep, yep.

[35:28] They're very similar in a lot of ways.

[35:30] He's like, he died of a broken heart.

[35:31] Just like Queen Amidala.

Elliott Kalan

[35:34] And there's also a medical bot next to him.

[35:38] So now John Gotti's sitting on top of the world.

[35:41] He's the head of the Gambino crime family.

[35:43] His son's a made man.

[35:44] He's forgotten that his other son died.

[35:46] His other best friend is gone, so he never has to buy him a birthday present anymore, which is a lot of pressure to figure out the right thing to buy for a friend or a good friend for their birthday party.

[35:55] Or a good fella.

[35:57] Yeah, or a good fella.

[35:58] There's a scene in the movie where they're like, yeah, so-and-so's a good fella, but da-da-da-da.

[36:02] And it's like, wait, you know that they didn't really say good fella, right?

[36:04] Like, the term was wise guy, but there was a TV show called Wise Guy, and that's what they called it good fella.

[36:10] Like, it's a mob movie made by people who know the mob from mob movies.

[36:14] But anyway, John Gotti sits down to his-

Stuart Wellington

[36:16] I mean, I almost expected him to call him a good feather, because that's about the knowledge of fucking mob movies they have.

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] That would be so funny if they're all constantly bobbing their heads like pigeons.

[36:28] Trust me, I saw Animaniacs.

[36:30] I know what the mob is like.

[36:32] And then, for some reason, John Gotti sings a song with every country in the world in it.

[36:38] So, John Gotti sits his son down.

[36:40] He's got a big goal.

[36:41] He wants to build a nationwide mob empire that will last 100 years.

[36:46] And it's one of those moments that's like, okay, hold on a second.

[36:48] Like, maybe that was his ambition, but that's, one, crazy.

[36:52] Two, it's stupid.

[36:54] Three, he sounds like Hitler when he says it.

[36:56] And four, the movie presents it as if he's a real man of vision, and this is an amazing goal that he should be working towards.

[37:02] Like, when in any movie has anyone ever said, I want to build something that's going to last 100 years,

[37:07] and it hasn't either, one, fallen apart instantly, or two, been evil.

[37:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:13] Yeah, that's, I mean, when they created the ring of satellites around the Earth to prevent geostorms,

[37:20] it just made geostorms.

[37:22] So, I think that was my mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[37:24] Yeah, we all remember when that happened.

[37:26] Yeah.

[37:26] Well, they shouldn't have given the Gambino crime family the contract for building those satellites.

Stuart Wellington

[37:32] The geosatellites, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:33] Yeah, because then when they took the geosatellites down, they're just full of guys who had to disappear.

[37:37] This is kind of tough at this point in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[37:40] This is where I was getting kind of bored, and I was like,

[37:43] do I have to put enough attention to this movie,

[37:46] or can I just sit here and unlock more characters in Smash Brothers?

[37:52] Because I'm just working on trying to get Wario unlocked.

[37:56] Because I kind of see a lot of...

[37:57] It's pretty hard, right?

[37:58] Yeah, and I kind of see a lot of myself in Wario, you know?

[38:04] Yeah, he's been a real...

Dan McCoy

[38:05] Because you're both an evil version of someone else?

Stuart Wellington

[38:08] Yeah, and we're both like business-minded, you know?

[38:11] And we both have really recognizable laughs.

[38:16] Stuart, you've mentioned Wario being a small business owner before.

[38:19] What is his business?

[38:20] His business is beating the shit on Mario, dude.

[38:23] Wait.

[38:24] So do people hire him to do that?

[38:26] And it's booming.

[38:28] How is it?

[38:29] Yeah, is money changed at some point?

[38:31] But, guys, I think you're both going to be happy to know that I, like Wario,

[38:37] had the professionalism to not do that and focus on the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] Yes, good.

[38:42] Because you know who were the original Smash Brothers?

[38:44] The Mafia.

[38:45] Oh, no kidding.

[38:45] Moving along, John Jr. gets married and he has his first dance to a song about a dad

[38:50] giving advice to his son.

[38:51] Because even John Gotti Jr.'s wedding has to be about John Gotti, which is crazy.

[38:57] It's the least romantic song anyone has ever danced to.

[38:59] It's going to be sentimental mom ballads.

Stuart Wellington

[39:00] Charlene was so mad there was no Frank Sinatra song.

Elliott Kalan

[39:04] I mean, they're not going to pay for the rights for that.

[39:07] But they should have done the thing that...

[39:09] So Dan and Maya's friend, Eric Marczak, once told me about a wedding he went to where the

[39:15] DJ said, hold on, look who's here.

[39:17] It's old blue eyes.

[39:18] And then kind of a mascot version of Frank Sinatra with a huge Frank Sinatra head walked

[39:23] out and was miming singing into a microphone as a Frank Sinatra song played.

[39:27] And it was the funniest thing I've ever heard, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[39:30] That would be incredible.

[39:31] I went to a Sweet 16 that was the most Bensonhurst Italian thing you could go to.

[39:39] And at one point, the DJ said out loud, is anybody here Italian?

[39:44] And everybody lost their mind.

[39:46] And then the Tarantella started and I had to get the fuck out of the way or else I'd be

[39:50] crushed.

Elliott Kalan

[39:52] In the rush to the dance floor.

[39:54] It was awesome.

[39:56] Now, you were almost...

[39:57] And when you died, your autopsy report would have said, cause of death, hospitaliano.

[40:01] Huh?

[40:03] So now, John Gotti, uh-oh, but he's on trial for the murder of Paul and Sammy the Bull Gravano,

[40:08] that murderous rat, testifies against him in exchange for life in the witness protection

[40:14] program.

[40:14] The movie does not mention that Sammy the Bull eventually went to jail anyway for drug

[40:18] dealing.

[40:18] Not the great guy that we were led to believe, this man, Sammy the Bull, who was a hitman.

Stuart Wellington

[40:22] But he also...

[40:23] And they made a point when he was...

[40:24] When that character was first introduced that John Gotti didn't trust him.

[40:29] Like, it's like he had...

[40:31] His Gotti sense was tingling.

[40:33] Even though...

[40:34] Even though his boy, uh...

[40:36] Chris Mulkey was backing him up.

[40:38] Character actor Chris Mulkey.

Dan McCoy

[40:40] Yeah, there's absolutely no reason at that point in the movie for John Gotti to suspect

[40:43] him.

[40:44] He didn't know.

[40:44] Except for the fact that later on we have to know that he's gonna be a bad guy.

[40:48] Mm-hmm.

[40:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] That's called brilliant foreshadowing.

[40:51] Yeah.

[40:52] Uh...

[40:52] So there's some unsanctioned killings as a result.

[40:56] Uh...

[40:56] John Jr. puts his foot down.

[40:57] No more killings.

[40:58] Mrs. Gotti is very upset that her son's a gangster.

[41:00] You said you'd keep him away from that life and so forth.

[41:03] But that...

[41:04] So John Gotti goes to jail.

[41:05] Because he did it.

[41:06] He committed that crime.

[41:07] Mm-hmm.

[41:07] Gotti got it.

[41:08] He got his sentence in jail.

[41:09] Mm-hmm.

[41:09] And John Jr. gets arrested.

[41:12] Uh...

[41:12] And he wants to...

[41:13] And this is that great scene where he says goodbye to his kids who all look older than

[41:16] him somehow.

[41:17] Yep.

[41:17] And...

[41:18] And he wants to sign this plea deal so that he can be in jail and then get out

[41:22] in time for his kids to be his age.

[41:24] And Gotti Sr. says, no.

[41:26] If I was you, I wouldn't do that.

[41:28] I want to go into that courtroom one last time and stand up to everyone.

[41:30] And he says, and break their holes.

[41:32] Yeah.

[41:33] Which is a crazy way to describe it.

[41:34] And it's like...

[41:35] It's such a gross way for someone to talk about, like, being a man and standing up for

[41:40] himself to be like, I'm going to go in there and break their holes.

[41:43] Because it's like...

[41:43] It's so disgusting.

[41:47] And they talk about how I'm out.

Stuart Wellington

[41:48] So you're not going to steal that line for when you have the talk about how I'm out.

[41:52] Talk with your son.

[41:53] Now, Elliot...

Elliott Kalan

[41:54] I'm not sure which talk that would be a part.

Dan McCoy

[41:56] Now, Elliot, which holes are they talking about?

[41:58] I don't understand.

Elliott Kalan

[41:59] Now, let's take a moment and talk about that.

[42:01] Because the human body only has so many holes.

[42:04] There's your nostrils.

[42:06] Yeah.

[42:06] Your ear holes.

[42:07] Your mouth hole.

[42:08] Your pizza pie hole.

[42:09] Pizza pie hole.

[42:10] There's the holes in your eyes that let light in.

[42:11] There's your pores.

[42:13] Maybe he's talking about their pores.

[42:14] Like covering them in gold paint like the woman in Goldfinger.

[42:16] Uh-huh.

[42:16] And they asphyxiate because of the pores.

[42:18] And then there's the other holes.

[42:20] There's for the front hole for urination.

[42:23] Uh-huh.

[42:24] And the back hole for defecation.

[42:25] And now, those holes, there's multiple uses for them.

[42:28] You can...

[42:28] Sometimes you're putting things in for pleasure.

[42:30] Sometimes you're taking babies out of them.

[42:32] But there's...

[42:34] I'll just...

[42:35] But it takes a lot to break them.

[42:36] Like people put their holes through a lot of punishment for pleasure.

[42:39] And they rarely break.

[42:41] And they're often fixable.

[42:43] And so...

Dan McCoy

[42:43] Is this what the movie...

[42:45] So what is he gonna...

[42:45] Is this what the movie Holes is about?

[42:46] What you're telling me right now?

Elliott Kalan

[42:48] Not having seen it, I'll have to assume that yes.

[42:51] I mean, based on...

[42:51] The movie Holes is about a young Shia LaBeouf.

Stuart Wellington

[42:52] Based on the expression that Shia LaBeouf has on the box art, I think, yeah, it's about that.

Elliott Kalan

[42:58] No, I don't know if it's about a boy whose holes are broken.

[43:01] And has to get them fixed.

[43:03] Or a boy who's under threat of having his holes broken.

[43:05] But it's like at a certain point, you have to wonder what's gonna...

[43:09] To say break about an organic part of the body that's not a bone is weird.

[43:12] Like those holes are soft tissue.

[43:15] So to say break is like...

[43:17] It's gross to say tear their holes.

[43:20] But that's more accurate.

[43:21] And there's often some tearing, say, during natural childbirth.

[43:24] During vaginal childbirth.

[43:25] And that's a natural thing that happens.

[43:27] Because babies are huge.

[43:28] And they're coming out of a very small space.

[43:30] Now, to say break implies that there's a hard structure to it.

[43:34] That there might be cracks.

[43:36] Or some kind of fracturing.

[43:37] Some kind of fracturing where maybe pieces flake off or fall off.

[43:40] Like it pebbleizes a little bit.

[43:42] So I don't know what he's...

[43:43] Is he talking about first that he's gonna freeze them with liquid nitrogen?

[43:47] Yes.

[43:47] And then smash them with a sledgehammer?

[43:49] Specifically their whole area.

[43:52] Just the whole area.

[43:53] So he needs to use one of those little doctor hammers that you use to test your reflexes.

[43:56] So he doesn't break the whole body.

[43:58] Or maybe it's a localized use of the nitrogen to just freeze that part.

[44:03] But it's a very good question.

[44:04] What holes is he talking about?

[44:06] And how is he gonna break them?

[44:07] And it's the subject of today's episode of...

[44:09] I'm guessing it's...

[44:09] The flop holes.

[44:10] I'm guessing it's the ear holes.

[44:12] Now, here on the flop holes, we talk about holes and things that people do with them.

[44:16] And today we're talking about break-in holes.

[44:18] That's right.

[44:19] Break-in to electric hole-a-loo.

[44:22] And my guests today are Dan McCoy, hole specialist.

[44:25] Dan McCoy is...

[44:26] And Stuart Wellington, who often...

[44:28] Stuart Wellington, who often shops at Whole Foods.

[44:30] Your place for food that goes in your holes.

[44:32] Now, guys...

[44:34] When I say break your holes, what does that conjure up in your minds?

[44:38] I just want to get your first impressions.

[44:42] Why did Dan look at me?

Dan McCoy

[44:45] Well, I mean, I feel like we've already kind of covered what I get in my head.

[44:50] I get like a guy with a big sledgehammer kind of just like cracking into someone's butt.

[44:55] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[44:56] And now does this...

[44:57] Now the butt already has a crack in it.

[44:59] This is creating new cracks or different cracks?

[45:02] How does this work exactly?

Dan McCoy

[45:05] Be very extreme in your detailing.

[45:08] It's more about shattering the pelvis, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[45:10] Okay.

[45:11] Now you're talking about that...

[45:13] Okay.

[45:13] So Stuart, now your experience with holes is a little different.

[45:16] Whole Foods is a chain of grocery stores owned by the Amazon company, which also distributed

[45:21] Gotti, the film we were talking about earlier.

[45:23] Now, if you were saying break Whole Foods, would that mean like what?

[45:27] To literally demolish a storefront?

[45:29] Or is he talking about driving the company into bankruptcy?

[45:31] Which would be hard to do since Amazon has such deep pockets.

[45:35] What do you think, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[45:36] Yeah.

[45:36] I mean, I think that's a tough one.

[45:39] I think putting a second crack on a butt is kind of like a madman's gambit.

[45:45] I think people haven't considered horizontal as a possibility.

[45:51] So more of a whole reorientation than a breaking.

[45:53] I'll put a graph paper here in a minute.

[45:55] And I think, I mean, I don't know about the angles.

[45:58] There could be an issue.

[45:59] Maybe if I fold the graph paper, it might work that way.

[46:02] We'll find out.

Elliott Kalan

[46:03] Great.

[46:03] Now, while we give Stuart some time, let's go to our next segment, The Flop Hole Recommends,

[46:07] where we recommend movies or books related to holes.

[46:11] Now, of course, I'm going to recommend Disney's The Black Hole, the story of a spaceship that

[46:15] literally goes into a person's butt and finds a portal to hell.

[46:19] Wait, is that what happens in that movie?

[46:21] There's also a lovable robot and also kind of a mean robot.

[46:24] And I guess they all fit into somebody's butt.

[46:26] Now, my runner-up recommendation is, of course, the movie Holes, starring Shia LaBeouf, which

[46:32] I haven't seen, but I have to assume is about a boy who either has a broken hole that he

[46:36] needs to fix or is in danger of having his hole broken.

[46:39] Do you guys have any recommendations for the recommendation segment of The Flop Hole?

Dan McCoy

[46:42] I'll recommend Ace in the Hole, starring Kirk Douglas, originally called The Big Carnival.

[46:47] It's a very cynical—

[46:48] Which would be inappropriate for this segment if it was named that.

[46:51] It's a cynical examination of how the media can drum up a story.

Elliott Kalan

[46:57] Now, it's also—it's about someone who gets trapped in a collapsed mine, which is literally

[47:01] a broken hole in the earth, right?

Stuart Wellington

[47:03] Yeah, that's a good point.

[47:04] I'm going to recommend The Hole Nine Yards, which I think is better than its sequel.

[47:09] The Hole 10 yards, which, I mean, though still appropriate for this segment, didn't come

[47:14] to mind first.

Elliott Kalan

[47:15] And now it's time to turn to our sponsor.

[47:17] We're sponsored tonight by Hole Buster, which is—it's both a video store that only has movies

[47:23] about holes and also a place to go to get your hole busted.

[47:26] Which hole do you want?

[47:27] How much do you want it busted?

[47:28] That's up to you.

[47:29] Hole Buster.

Stuart Wellington

[47:30] Oh, wow.

[47:30] It's what, a scale of 1 to 10?

[47:32] What's going on there?

[47:33] Or do they have different, like, face images to represent the amount of busted?

Elliott Kalan

[47:40] No, I can't say I've never been there, but, you know, I'll just say Hole Buster.

[47:45] Go there, you get 10% off with the code FLOP.

[47:47] Hole Buster, Bustin makes you feel good.

[47:49] Now, turning back to Gotti, John Jr., he signs the plea agreement.

[47:54] John Gotti, he doesn't want to leave jail.

[47:56] He fights his cancer in jail.

[47:57] He refuses a painkilling coma.

[47:59] And also, when a priest comes to administer last rites, he waves the priest away as if to say,

[48:04] no, I like being a mobster more than I like the grace of God and more than I like going to heaven.

[48:09] I'd rather go to hell, a mob boss, than go to heaven kneeling at the feet of that hole, God.

[48:16] And so, okay.

[48:18] You know, do you—and now, here's another sponsor for the flop hole, the Whole Earth Catalog.

[48:23] Now, the Earth has a hole in it that leads to Pellucidar, a hidden land of dinosaurs.

[48:28] You might want to order something from there, the Whole Earth Catalog.

[48:31] Now, John Gotti dies, and it's all over the news.

[48:33] And again, this is when I learned that John Gotti was actually younger when he died than John Travolta is now.

[48:38] And yet, they caked John Travolta with enough makeup.

[48:41] He looks like Little Big Man at the end of his life.

[48:45] And we see period footage of John Gotti's funeral and a lot of local mooks talking about how John Gotti was so great and he kept the neighborhood safe.

Dan McCoy

[48:52] This is the point at which I was like, he's dead.

[48:54] Why isn't the movie over?

[48:56] Nope, it just keeps going.

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] But like, people love—like, people at the time walked—like, I mean, they showed archival news footage.

[49:06] Like, there were riots when Gotti was put in jail.

[49:10] People were walking around wearing free John Gotti shirts.

[49:13] I wish it was John Gotti.

[49:15] That would have been better.

Elliott Kalan

[49:15] Or John Gotti, who was a mob boss who believed in nonviolent crime.

Stuart Wellington

[49:20] I think you're only allowed one crazy digression per 20 minutes, Elliot, so you can't hear what John Gotti said.

[49:26] All right, fair point.

Elliott Kalan

[49:26] My parole officer is shaking his head.

[49:28] He agrees with you.

[49:29] Yeah.

[49:30] So John Jr.

[49:31] He goes on trial even though he signed a plea deal.

[49:34] They never really explain what happened there, but I guess it's that the government is like going after him with case after case and charge after charge to oppress him because the government just hates Gottis.

[49:43] You look at the oppressed cases in American history and you've got, of course, slaves, Native Americans, different types of worker, and, of course, the Gottis, among the most oppressed by the government.

[49:55] And John Gotti—and Mrs. Gotti puts on this—she finally has her big scene where she yells in the court about how,

[50:00] This is crazy!

[50:02] Stop harassing him!

Stuart Wellington

[50:04] And—

[50:05] But the—but we've seen him do crimes, guys.

[50:08] Yeah.

[50:09] Yeah.

[50:09] He's done a bunch of crimes.

[50:10] It's not like he's not a criminal.

[50:13] We saw him as the—

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] He is a criminal, but he gets acquitted, and there's some end text stating that the government kept going after the Gottis, and they released hundreds of killers to get their testimony to put John Gotti Jr. and John Gotti in jail.

[50:27] And the implication is that the government so hated these two guys that they unleashed a wave of monsters in exchange to try to capture them, that it was literally a case of we've got to catch these two rats, so I guess we'll have king cobras all over America in every bed.

[50:43] By eating our children.

[50:45] And then we cut to John Gotti again in front of that bridge, and he goes, If you live to be 5,000, you'll never see another guy like me.

[50:51] And it's like, Dude, I've seen so many guys like you in the movies, in the White House, in the state I grew up in.

[50:57] The movie really fails to cross what was special about John Gotti.

[51:00] So guys, what do you think was special about John Gotti that they decided to make this movie about him?

Stuart Wellington

[51:06] His hair?

[51:07] I mean, he's a big—larger than life—he was a larger than life, like, actual organized crime figure who captured the public imagination.

[51:17] I mean, he was on major news publications covers.

[51:22] That's true.

[51:22] That's why they made a movie out of him.

Elliott Kalan

[51:24] That's true.

[51:25] He was the bachelor for one season, too.

Stuart Wellington

[51:30] It's kind of weird, though, because I'm assuming his family had a lot of input in the making of this movie.

[51:38] It actually kind of reminded me of another biopic that Dan and I watched recently, Bohemian Rhapsody, which was clearly, like, deeply influenced by the surviving members of Queen.

[51:48] So it, like, blanded out all the possible drama and painted all those characters in a very specific light.

[51:57] And it's very much an advertisement for—and this, like, that was an advertisement for the music of Queen.

[52:01] This is, I guess, an advertisement for, I don't know, the mafia?

[52:05] I guess so, yeah.

[52:06] And they're both movies, like, built around one specific performance.

[52:10] You know, John Travolta in that old-age makeup wearing John Gotti's clothes.

[52:14] Rami Malek in his makeup wearing Freddie Mercury's mustache.

[52:17] And teeth.

[52:18] Yeah.

[52:19] Giant fake horse teeth.

Elliott Kalan

[52:21] Wait, so did they dig up Freddie Mercury and take off his mustache and his teeth so that Rami Malek could use them in the part?

[52:27] No, he had to break into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and get them.

Stuart Wellington

[52:31] Yeah, it was a heist.

[52:33] I forgot.

[52:34] Now there's a movie.

[52:35] Rock and Roll Heist.

[52:37] I mean, isn't that, like, the Pick of Destiny, the Tenacious D movie?

[52:42] I guess it is, yeah.

[52:43] Did they have to break into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

[52:44] I think maybe you're right.

Dan McCoy

[52:46] I guess this is the point at which we do final judgments usually.

[52:50] Yeah.

[52:50] Yeah, it is.

Elliott Kalan

[52:51] I mean, this movie, it leaves me so exhausted.

Dan McCoy

[52:54] Why break the chain?

[52:55] Yeah, yeah.

[52:55] Is this a good, bad movie or a bad, bad movie or a movie you kind of like?

Elliott Kalan

[52:58] The question, will the circle be unbroken is asked, and Dan says, no, it will not be.

[53:02] We will do final judgments.

[53:04] So I'm going to go first.

[53:06] I'm going to say this was, it had so much potential to be a good, bad movie because there's so much wacky stuff in it.

[53:11] But it just pounds you down.

[53:14] I would say the first half of this movie is like good, bad.

[53:16] And by the second half, you're just like, I don't know.

[53:20] It's just scenes being thrown at you.

[53:22] And there's no, it's hard to understand what's going on.

[53:25] And it really gets to the point, like, it just takes it so much for granted that the audience is on John Gotti's side from the beginning.

[53:31] That he doesn't have to win you over.

[53:33] He's such a lovable character.

[53:35] And it's, you know, the one thing they're missing is, I guess, like the Pope canonizing John Gotti at the end.

[53:41] But it's, I would, but I would say bad, bad.

[53:44] I wish it lived, it like lived up to the hype of being a really bad movie.

[53:47] But it didn't live up to the hype of being the most fun bad movie of the year.

[53:51] Guys, what do you think?

Dan McCoy

[53:52] Was it supposed to be the most fun bad movie of the year?

[53:54] Was that the word about it?

[53:57] Because I, yeah, I think it's bad, bad.

[53:59] I think that the John Travolta's performance is comically over the top.

[54:07] I think that there's so many funny things.

[54:09] Like, they're like these crazy needle drops all the time in the movie.

[54:12] There's so many, like, music cues.

Elliott Kalan

[54:14] They have all these pop songs that don't really relate to what's going on on camera.

Dan McCoy

[54:19] Yeah.

[54:19] And just, I mean, the lines, like you say, are so stupid from time to time.

[54:23] But the fact that I just couldn't follow a goddamn thing means that I just can't recommend it at all for like a bad, bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[54:31] Yeah, that it manages to, at the same time, give too much and too little information.

Elliott Kalan

[54:38] Yeah.

[54:39] By the end of it, you're like, you're struggling under all the facts they've given you.

[54:43] And yet you have no idea what any of them mean.

Stuart Wellington

[54:45] Yeah.

[54:46] No, I think, I actually think you have the right of it, Elliot.

[54:49] I think it, the beginning is, feels like a good, bad movie.

[54:54] And then, like, as I said, like, it makes you long to go and grind out some more characters on Super Smash Brothers Ultimate.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] Maybe, I would say watch it until Angelo dies, maybe, until they exile Angelo.

[55:09] Because there's the funny part where he exiles Angelo and then Angelo leaves the kind of dank social club that all the mobs just hang out at.

[55:17] And they just all look away from him as if they can't see him.

[55:19] And it's very funny that it's like the ultimate mob punishment, the cold shoulder.

Stuart Wellington

[55:24] Yeah, yeah.

[55:25] He walks out and they react like John Cena's waving his hand in front of his face.

[55:29] Yeah.

S4

[55:33] Hey, MaxFun listeners.

[55:37] Have you been listening to MaxFun for a while and you've just been wondering, where's the new Flat Earth podcast to keep hearing about?

S5

[55:43] Well, here it is.

[55:44] We give you all the facts on NASA's lies and how we know that the Earth is actually flat.

[55:50] Just kidding.

[55:52] This is Ono, Ross, and Carrie.

[55:53] And we join fringe religious groups.

[55:56] We undergo alternative medical treatments.

S4

[55:58] And we hang out with people like 9-11 truthers, flat earthers.

[56:01] We find out why do people believe strange things.

S5

[56:04] We join them and we tell you all about it.

[56:06] We have a lot of fun.

[56:07] We make a lot of friends.

S4

[56:08] Yeah, we do.

[56:09] We joined the Mormons.

[56:10] We joined the Scientologists.

[56:12] We got acupunctured.

[56:13] We got fire cupped.

[56:14] We got ear kindled.

[56:15] We've done it all and we're going to keep doing it all.

[56:17] Why don't you check out Ono, Ross, and Carrie at MaximumFun.org?

S6

[56:27] Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

[56:28] Hello, this is Griffin McElroy.

[56:30] And this is wonderful.

[56:31] It's a podcast that we do as we are married.

[56:34] And how's the ad going so far?

[56:36] Because I think it's going very good.

[56:37] We talk about things we like every week on Wednesdays.

[56:40] One time Rachel talked about pumpernickel bread.

[56:42] It was so tight.

[56:42] You cannot afford to miss her talking about this sweet brown bread.

S4

[56:46] We also talk about music and poems and, you know, weather.

[56:50] There was one...

[56:50] Weather?

S6

[56:51] One time Rachel talked about Baby Beluga, this song, for like 14 minutes.

[56:55] And it just really blew my hair back.

[56:58] So check us out on MaximumFun.org.

[57:00] It's a cool podcast with chill vibes.

[57:02] Amber is the color of our energy, is what all the iTunes reviews say.

[57:06] They will now.

Dan McCoy

[57:12] There's no sponsors this week, but we do have a Jumbotron that I would like to read.

[57:17] Uh-huh.

[57:19] And it goes a little something like this.

Stuart Wellington

[57:25] This message is for Dad.

[57:28] Do you want us to leave the room?

[57:29] Because I know these solo Dan Reads are the...

[57:32] Very popular?

Dan McCoy

[57:33] People love them.

[57:34] Okay, sorry for interrupting.

[57:35] I mean, this is a Jumbotron, so I don't think it works that way.

[57:38] Okay, cool.

Elliott Kalan

[57:39] You're not going to take as much liberty with the text?

[57:41] Yeah.

[57:41] Not going to spend as much time being a self-deprecating, lovable teddy bear in this one?

Dan McCoy

[57:46] This one's for Dad, which is very non-specific.

Elliott Kalan

[57:50] I mean, for one person, it's very specific.

[57:53] Yeah.

[57:55] I like how Dan was like, I'm not going to do this the way I do a solo ad read, and then

[57:58] immediately started going after the subject of this, what I assume is going to be a heartfelt

[58:05] Jumbotron if it's to Dad.

Dan McCoy

[58:09] Yeah, well, I just, you know, I want to make sure it gets to the right person, and I don't

[58:13] know if Dad's the most clear, but...

Elliott Kalan

[58:15] I assume that from the context of it, it's the same way that when my family gives me a

[58:20] Father's Day card, it just says to Dad.

[58:22] It doesn't say like, to Elliot Kalin, the dad of these children, with our fingerprints and

[58:27] the birth certificate stapled to it.

Stuart Wellington

[58:30] First of his name.

[58:32] This is...

Elliott Kalan

[58:32] They don't print out my Ancestry.com tree and my 23andMe results to make sure it goes

[58:38] to the right dad.

[58:39] And your twinning celebrity lookalike percentage.

[58:43] Oh, Eddie Deason.

[58:46] Excuse me, I don't...

[58:47] I would be honored to be Eddie Deason's twin.

[58:50] So, this one's for Dad.

[58:51] The man's a national treasure and a Beatles expert.

Dan McCoy

[58:55] This is from Parker.

[58:57] That narrows it down.

[58:58] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[59:00] And Parker says, Dad, first of all, thank you for buying me Elliot's book.

[59:05] I can't wait to read it with you.

[59:07] In my first six months here on Earth, you've exposed me to a lifetime of podcast content.

[59:12] But I can tell that Stuart, Dan, and Elliot make you LOL the most.

[59:16] Since I'm a baby, I don't get why it's funny.

[59:18] Neither does mom.

[59:19] But it makes me happy to see you.

[59:22] So, that's interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[59:24] Well, I applaud Dan for not reading that in Dan's affected baby voice.

[59:30] That he does sometimes.

Elliott Kalan

[59:32] As his character, baby boy Dan McCoy, his SNL audition piece.

Stuart Wellington

[59:37] Yeah, where he's like, quick, I gotta get into makeup.

[59:39] And then smears jam all over his lips.

[59:42] What?

Dan McCoy

[59:43] That's what babies look like.

[59:46] They got jam all over their lips?

[59:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[59:49] Okay.

[59:49] Well, that was the whole message, Dan?

[59:52] Yeah, that's it.

[59:53] That's adorable.

[59:53] That's a very sweet message.

[59:54] That's adorable.

[59:55] How nice.

[59:57] And I'm impressed that this baby could handle the MaxFun Jumbotron interface.

[1:00:01] Not because it's difficult, because the baby is so young.

[1:00:03] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:05] I think we have a genius on our hands.

[1:00:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:08] A baby genius.

[1:00:08] So, we've got some live shows to promote, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:11] Let's do it.

[1:00:12] We've got two live shows to promote.

[1:00:14] Uh, you've heard us talking about how on January 26th, we'll be at the University of Wisconsin-Madison

[1:00:18] in beautiful Madison, Wisconsin, Saturday, January 26th, at the Wisconsin Union Theater.

[1:00:24] Shannon Hall, I believe, is the location.

[1:00:26] We'll be talking about Venom.

[1:00:28] That's right.

[1:00:29] My favorite Marvel character, circa age 13, got his own movie.

[1:00:32] I still haven't seen it yet.

[1:00:34] We're going to talk about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:34] I think Venom is kind of like the John Gotti of Marvel heroes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:39] Uh, in that he's a lethal protector?

[1:00:41] I guess so.

[1:00:42] Maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:44] And because John Gotti was covered in a symbiote from outer space.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:48] Yeah, and John Gotti had that huge tongue that people on the internet find sexy for some

[1:00:51] reason.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:52] Uh, I can explain the reason if you want me to.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:55] I get the reason, but.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:57] John Gotti is very similar to Venom in that Eric Larson also did not like drawing John Gotti

[1:01:02] and decided to make him as monstrous and crazy as possible.

[1:01:04] Oh.

[1:01:05] Hence the long tongue and the teeth.

[1:01:06] Okay.

[1:01:07] It would take a young Mark Bagley to reassert that Venom is not just a slobbery monster

[1:01:13] drool creature.

[1:01:14] Okay.

[1:01:15] Now, we have a new show to advertise.

[1:01:18] Guys, can we talk about it?

[1:01:19] Dan, can we say it?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:20] Yeah.

[1:01:21] Uh.

[1:01:21] Yeah.

[1:01:21] I guess, wait.

[1:01:22] Yeah, I'll allow it.

[1:01:23] There's nothing in the rule book that says he can't promote it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] Okay.

[1:01:26] That's right, boys.

[1:01:26] We're going back to our old stomping grounds of the Bell House.

[1:01:30] Brooklyn, New York.

[1:01:31] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Bell House.

[1:01:32] Sunday, February 3rd.

[1:01:34] Super Bowl Sunday.

[1:01:36] We'll be talking about, can we say the movie or no?

[1:01:39] Uh, yeah, we can say the movie.

[1:01:41] Yeah, so we'll be talking about, I think, what, the Happy Time Murders?

Dan McCoy

[1:01:43] That's what we decided on.

[1:01:45] Yeah, it should be fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:47] Football-themed show.

[1:01:48] Super Bowl Sunday.

[1:01:49] Hey, do you guys hate football like I do?

[1:01:52] Come to the one guaranteed show my brother won't be at.

[1:01:55] Sunday, February 3rd at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:58] I mean, just based on law of averages, even if you like football, it's most likely that your team isn't in the big game.

[1:02:04] So why don't you come watch us instead?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:06] That's true.

[1:02:07] And guys, I'm going to have a little extra pep in my step because it's going to be the day after I celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday party.

[1:02:13] So watch out, I might be a little hungover.

[1:02:15] But that's okay.

[1:02:16] Super Bowl Sunday, February 3rd in Brooklyn and January 26th in Wisconsin.

[1:02:21] Get your tickets to those ones.

[1:02:23] The Bell House ones, the tickets might not be available yet, but hopefully they will be soon.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:27] And do you really want to just go along with a fucking crowd?

[1:02:30] Do you like football that much?

[1:02:32] No, you don't.

[1:02:33] You're just going to watch the Super Bowl because that's what everyone in the U.S. is doing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:37] Dan.

[1:02:37] But why?

[1:02:38] Wow.

[1:02:39] Okay.

[1:02:39] One, it's an American tradition.

[1:02:41] Everybody loves it.

[1:02:42] Two, there's always the chance that it'll be like my favorite Super Bowl that year when the lights went out in half the stadium and they had to stop the play, but they kept broadcasting it.

[1:02:50] And it was just confused football people wandering around in the dark, wondering what was going to happen next.

[1:02:56] That was my favorite football game of all time.

[1:02:57] It was so real.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:58] The, uh, can we announce the, yeah, I don't know why I'm asking.

[1:03:03] Um, Dan will edit this out if I'm wrong.

[1:03:05] Um, and Dan and I are going to be guests at another show at the Bell House on Saturday, January 12th.

[1:03:10] We're going to be guests on, uh, a live Ono, Ross and Kerry show.

[1:03:15] Oh, cool.

[1:03:16] Hopefully we're going to get electrodes attached to some part of our bodies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:21] One of your holes is going to get broken.

[1:03:22] Which one?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:23] I don't think.

[1:03:24] And how?

[1:03:24] Yeah, you got to show up if the Bell has to find out.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:26] Yeah, they haven't told us exactly what crazy experiment we have to take apart in yet.

[1:03:30] So.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:31] Yeah, I mean, I hope they don't tell me until I literally walk out in front of a room full of people.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] And then I go, uh, go, go, go, ghosts.

[1:03:38] And then ghosts come and tear my body apart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:41] That's what you hope for?

[1:03:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:03:44] So that's your best case scenario.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:46] That's my best case scenario.

[1:03:49] Okay, interesting.

[1:03:50] So we got those live shows.

[1:03:51] Guys, let's move on to the next segment, which is letters.

[1:03:54] Uh-huh.

[1:03:55] All right.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:56] Thanks for telling me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:58] Oh, wow.

[1:03:59] Thanks for keeping your foot on the gas here, Elliot.

[1:04:01] Yep.

[1:04:01] Let me pull up the letters.

[1:04:04] While Dan's doing that, hey, Elliot.

[1:04:05] What's going on with you, buddy?

[1:04:07] You watch any new TV?

[1:04:08] You see that Romanoffs?

[1:04:09] It didn't take that long.

[1:04:10] I had it right here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] I saw a little bit of Romanoffs.

[1:04:13] I've been watching that Haunting of Hill House show.

[1:04:15] Oh, is it too spooky?

[1:04:17] It was, it's very spooky.

[1:04:19] And you know what the spookiest thing about it is?

[1:04:22] Carla Gugino just does not seem to age.

[1:04:24] It's amazing.

[1:04:25] Is she a ghost?

[1:04:26] I don't understand it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:27] Yeah, is she planning to play John Gunn Jr. in an upcoming biopic?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:33] I don't know.

[1:04:33] Maybe.

[1:04:34] That's a weird leap.

[1:04:35] She's playing Joan Gotti in the gender-swapped version of Gotti.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:40] Or Joan Gotti Jr. in this case, since that actor didn't age.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:44] Dan, let's power forward.

[1:04:47] Okay.

[1:04:49] Football.

[1:04:51] It's basketball.

[1:04:52] Oh, is it?

[1:04:53] I was trying to relate it back to the Super Bowl.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:58] And you did a great job.

[1:05:00] You did a great job.

[1:05:01] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:01] This letter's from someone that I didn't, I don't have the name.

[1:05:08] So I apologize that I do not have your name.

[1:05:12] I hope that you will still enjoy hearing your letter read on the air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:17] As always, five-star community outreach and customer service, courtesy of the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:21] This letter's from Anonymous, so make sure that you're wearing some kind of cool V for Vendetta mask.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:27] Or writing the novel Primary Colors, a Romana Clef about the Clinton campaign.

[1:05:31] Now, the Flophouse really knows how to make its listeners feel special.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:38] Okay.

[1:05:39] Moving on to the letter from Anonymous.

[1:05:43] My wife and I recently watched Hitchcock's 1937 film, Young and Innocent.

[1:05:49] A crime thriller in which the daughter of the local chief constable risks it all to prove the innocence of a man she's only just met.

[1:05:55] We were really enjoying the performances and the cinematography and the effects were impressive.

[1:06:00] At the end, though, things got a bit weird.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:02] The climax of the film...

[1:06:04] Are they going to talk about the blackface stuff at the end?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:06] Elliot, don't fucking spoil the letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:09] Okay, sorry.

[1:06:10] The climax...

[1:06:11] Hey, I don't know, hey, if I knew who wrote it, I'd be worried about offending them.

[1:06:14] But it's just an anonymous letter that a bird dropped in your lap.

[1:06:20] Thinking that your head was a rock that it could break open the letter on and eat its sweet meats inside.

[1:06:25] It just dropped it on you.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:26] The climax of the film takes place in a hotel restaurant with a crowded dance floor and live band.

[1:06:31] The heroine and her companion are searching for the man they believe to be the killer who they know has a twitchy eye.

[1:06:36] We're treated as some dramatic irony as the camera makes a very slow push in across the dance floor to the band.

[1:06:42] To a close-up of the eyes of the band's drummer, which we see to be twitching.

[1:06:45] This is all very tense stuff and great filmmaking.

[1:06:47] Or at least it would be, if not for the fact that halfway through the push-in, my wife and I realized the entire band, other than the white singer, was white guys in blackface.

[1:06:57] Holy shit, we both explained.

[1:06:59] Explain?

[1:06:59] Exclaimed.

[1:07:00] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:01] And basically lost it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:02] They said, holy shit, we explained.

[1:07:04] Some shit is holy.

[1:07:05] If it comes out of a saint, maybe, or the Dalai Lama.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:09] It'll be stuck in a reliquary and then sold off by a traveling, you know, giga salesman.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:16] Yeah, giga.

[1:07:17] And when the new Dalai Lama is born, they hold out poop from three different people, one of them the old Dalai Lama and then two random strangers.

[1:07:24] And the child must reach out to the poop that belonged to him in a previous life.

[1:07:28] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:29] Dan, continue with the letter.

[1:07:30] We finished the movie after a bit, but it kind of spoiled the mood.

[1:07:34] Has something like this ever happened to you?

[1:07:35] Can you think of a time when our older movies seemed timeless right up until it really, really wasn't?

[1:07:40] Keep on flopping in the free world, R-O-C-K in the USA.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:43] Now, I'm going to say, one, this happens in a ton of old movies, but that part doesn't really bother me, and I'll tell you why.

[1:07:51] One, the audience of the movie is not supposed to be enjoying that these people are in blackface.

[1:07:57] To me, it is a moment in entertainment history from England in the 30s when blackface was common.

[1:08:03] But you, the viewer, are not supposed to be like, I love it.

[1:08:06] This is great.

[1:08:07] This is the villain of the movie, is in disguise as a performer in blackface.

[1:08:11] And so I don't feel like the movie is saying, this is a fun thing that everyone's going to enjoy.

[1:08:15] As opposed to, say, A Day at the Races, which is an okay Marx Brothers movie.

[1:08:20] It's not one of their best, but it's okay until the big number where they're dancing and singing with the village full of black people that suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind.

[1:08:28] And they're all talking in dialect, and the Marx Brothers, for a brief moment, try to hide by putting grease on their faces so that they are in blackface.

[1:08:36] And it's like, that's supposed to be a funny moment.

[1:08:39] It's supposed to be something that the audience is amused by, and that doesn't work for me.

[1:08:42] But something like the scene in Young and Innocent, I don't think the audience of the movie is supposed to be like, this is hilarious that they're in blackface.

[1:08:48] I think it's more of a, it's a detail that's meant to help disguise the identity of the real criminal that much more.

[1:08:55] What do you guys think?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:57] I mean, it's still, I mean, you still have a reaction to it as a modern viewer, though.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:02] I guess so, but it doesn't ruin the movie.

[1:09:04] Like, the movie doesn't feel tainted to me in the way that other movies do for that.

[1:09:07] There's a, I forget which Fred Astaire movie it is.

[1:09:10] There's one where he does a dance in blackface as a tribute to Bill Bojangles Robinson.

[1:09:14] And it's a really beautiful dance, but it's very hard to get through the fact that he's doing it in blackface.

[1:09:21] But even there, he's doing it not from a point of view of this is hilarious or like I'm doing an exaggerated cartoon version of a black man.

[1:09:28] That's, that one's more complicated and complex to me.

[1:09:31] But it's like, I don't know, there's so many times in old movies where you have to be like, okay, I don't like this, but this is, but that's either from the time.

[1:09:42] But there are other times when you're like, this is not okay at all still, and it shouldn't have been then.

[1:09:46] But I don't know.

[1:09:47] It's so complicated, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:49] Yeah.

[1:09:49] What's the other day?

[1:09:52] The other night I was at the bar and after RuPaul's Drag Race finished up, I was about to turn the TV off.

[1:09:59] And then VH1 started playing Pretty Woman.

[1:10:01] So I'm like, I'm leaving the TV on.

[1:10:03] And then as Pretty Woman was wrapping up.

[1:10:05] But then big mistake, huge.

[1:10:07] And then I was going to turn the TV off again, and it was Dirty Dancing.

[1:10:11] And I'm like, oh, I'm definitely leaving the TV on.

[1:10:14] And then I was about to turn off the TV again at like 2 in the morning.

[1:10:17] And then 16 Candles came on.

[1:10:19] And 16 Candles is a movie that like I on tape as a kid and I watched so many times.

[1:10:24] And I haven't seen it in years.

[1:10:26] And I know it's terrible.

[1:10:28] Like I know that like the, there's so much gross shit.

[1:10:34] And the Long Duck Dong character is so horrible.

[1:10:39] Like it's terrible.

[1:10:40] But I don't know.

[1:10:42] I watched the opening credits.

[1:10:43] I'm like, I still like the opening credits.

[1:10:44] And then the rest of the movie I had to turn off.

[1:10:48] Because it's horrible.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:51] I mean, you hit my go-to, Elliot, with Day at the Races.

[1:10:56] Day at the Races.

[1:10:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:57] There's a lot of movies like that that I really like.

[1:11:00] But then they mishandle ethnic characters.

[1:11:03] I mean, like I've mentioned once in a live show that like I love Westerns.

[1:11:06] But every Western I watch, I have to deal with the fact that it is about the elimination and demonization usually of another, of an entire type of person.

[1:11:16] Unless it's one of those Westerns they made in the 60s where they're like, oh, well, we'll tell things from the native point of view.

[1:11:22] But we'll still kind of say it was a good thing that we settled the West.

[1:11:25] But I was watching Music Man with my son recently.

[1:11:30] As he called it, it was a four-day movie.

[1:11:32] Because we're not going to let him watch a movie that long all at once.

[1:11:34] So it took him four days to watch it.

[1:11:35] And I love that movie.

[1:11:36] But there's a scene in it where they have the song Shapoopy.

[1:11:39] Which is maybe my least favorite song in the whole movie.

[1:11:42] Partly because I don't like the term Shapoopy.

[1:11:44] I don't understand it and it doesn't sound good to me.

[1:11:46] My son loves it because it's now he has a sanctioned way to say the word poopy.

[1:11:51] As if he says Shapoopy.

[1:11:52] But the whole song is about going after a girl who's hard to get because she'll relent eventually.

[1:11:58] And there's one verse in it where it's like, give her a pinch when she is.

[1:12:03] And look in, get a pinch back.

[1:12:04] That's fancy cooking.

[1:12:05] And it's like, I don't approve of just going around pinching girls when they're not looking.

[1:12:11] So that's one of those moments where I was like, ugh.

[1:12:13] But my son was so distracted by the word Shapoopy that he didn't care what the actual song was about.

[1:12:18] So that was fine.

[1:12:20] Yeah.

[1:12:22] Hit us with another letter, Dan.

[1:12:23] Maybe one with a name attached.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:26] Yeah, sure.

[1:12:26] Okay.

[1:12:27] This one is from Shane.

[1:12:34] Wait, hold on.

[1:12:35] No, wait.

[1:12:35] This one's from Landon.

[1:12:37] Okay.

[1:12:38] Dan, let me explain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:40] Do I need to explain how letters work to you?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:48] I like the idea that I somehow mistook the word Landon for Shane.

[1:12:55] Two most different names.

[1:12:57] No, this is from Landon, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:13:01] I absolutely love slapstick and physical comedy, a la Chaplin, Keaton, Cary Grant, straight through to Steve Martin, John Ritter, and Melissa McCarthy.

[1:13:11] However, I find these types of movies, lesser quality ones anyway, are often plagued with unbearable caricatures, character tropes, archetypes, stereotypes, and just downright unfunny characters that immediately make me furious.

[1:13:25] For instance, any low-rent version of a Jerry Lewis character, or the entirety of the 1967 version of Casino Royale?

[1:13:33] Are there any types of characters that drive you batty?

[1:13:37] Love always, Landon, last name withheld.

[1:13:41] And there's one, like, we're not just talking about comedic characters, I don't think.

[1:13:46] I think it's open to everything.

[1:13:47] But there's one that really bothers me, and that's the overbearing mother archetype.

[1:13:54] Like, I just don't find that funny at all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:56] But Dan, your favorite movie is Where's Papa?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:01] I just like gorillas.

[1:14:04] I mean, it's not a real gorilla.

[1:14:06] Well, it doesn't matter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:09] You can pretend it is all you want.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:11] No, I just find that, like, I just find it upsetting.

[1:14:14] I find the overbearing mother character upsetting and unpleasant, and I don't find anything funny about the way that these characters often seem devoted to ruining their children's lives.

[1:14:25] Like, pardon me.

[1:14:30] I just find it very bothersome.

[1:14:31] And, of course, any, I don't like, sort of like, the sassy black character, because I find it very, like...

[1:14:39] Uncomfortably, like, racially tinged, like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:41] You prefer black characters to know their place and not talk back.

[1:14:45] No, that's not it.

[1:14:47] I just, like...

Dan McCoy

[1:14:48] In an all-white movie, when they, like, turn to, like, the black character to just, like, say something snappy and, like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:56] Well, I think that would probably apply also to the one gay character in an otherwise straight movie.

[1:15:01] Yeah.

[1:15:01] I'm guessing, too, right?

[1:15:02] Where it's like, your job is to be the jester.

[1:15:04] Yeah.

[1:15:05] Your job is to do the comments that make everybody laugh, and you have no interior life.

[1:15:11] That kind of thing?

[1:15:12] Exactly.

[1:15:15] Yeah, but...

[1:15:15] And yet you love the mannequin movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:20] You know, I just like the Starship song.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:22] He likes magical necklaces.

[1:15:24] Yeah.

[1:15:25] I mean, what about rapping grannies?

[1:15:29] Do you like rapping grannies?

[1:15:30] Or, like, when, like, a stuffy person says something in slang?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:35] Oh, that's...

[1:15:36] Now you're hitting on my least favorite comedy trope.

[1:15:38] I mean, we've talked...

[1:15:39] I didn't expect them to sound like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:41] I mean, we've talked about it a million times, but I think we're all quite sick of the, like,

[1:15:47] the nagging girlfriend or bitchy ex-wife character.

[1:15:52] All the characters that Judy Greer seems to be forced to play.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:56] Unfortunately, she's so much better than that.

[1:15:57] And I'm gonna go with the...

[1:15:59] This is a character type that, I guess, starts with, what, like, Bill Murray,

[1:16:05] but has become, kind of, in a different way, Chris Pratt's big thing,

[1:16:11] where it's, like, the hero who's kind of a jerk to everybody,

[1:16:15] but it's supposed to be charismatic and is really incompetent

[1:16:19] and really foolish, and yet he's the hero that everyone's supposed to love,

[1:16:25] and another character is always pulling their bacon out of the fire,

[1:16:28] but the other character's not the hero of the movie.

[1:16:32] Instead, the guy who's a jerk who can't get his act together is the hero.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:35] And, you know, of course, I...

[1:16:37] A character trope that I will never get sick of

[1:16:41] is the medical examiner or coroner who is always eating a sandwich on the job.

[1:16:47] Hollywood, if you ever need somebody to play that character,

[1:16:49] I would love to do it.

[1:16:50] Thank you very much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:51] I mean, that's lovable.

[1:16:52] The thing that it really points out is

[1:16:54] the lack of workplace labor regulations for coroners.

[1:16:58] They don't get a lunch break.

[1:16:59] They gotta work straight through the day.

[1:17:01] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:01] They're like video game developers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:04] Yeah, exactly.

[1:17:05] They're working 80, 90 hour weeks

[1:17:08] so that Electronic Arts can get that game out on time

[1:17:10] or that autopsy, and it's just not fair to them.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:15] Yeah.

[1:17:17] I keep putting the phone down in between these letters,

[1:17:21] and I shouldn't because I should just keep it open.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:23] Yeah, can we talk...

[1:17:24] Do we have another letter that's going to bring up negative stuff?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:27] Yeah, do we have another letter that has to involve us grandstanding

[1:17:30] about things that we feel better than?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:33] No, we've got a fun letter to end on.

[1:17:36] It's from Shane, last name withheld,

[1:17:38] the aforementioned Shane.

[1:17:40] Oh, yeah, I've been looking forward to his letter.

[1:17:43] Hey, hi, guys.

[1:17:45] Hey, Shane.

[1:17:47] You all mentioned Piranha 3D.

[1:17:49] Yep.

[1:17:49] I was in that when I was 16.

[1:17:51] Uncredited background, not even an extra,

[1:17:54] just sort of wandered onto the set.

[1:17:56] Cool.

[1:17:56] Some trivia about the shooting location.

[1:17:59] There was a huge die-off of carp that summer

[1:18:01] due to carp-specific herpes going around in the water,

[1:18:05] and everything in the whole area smelled like dead fish rotting.

[1:18:09] The boat in one of the caverns is still intact

[1:18:11] and sitting on my old boss's property.

[1:18:13] I tried to get into the movie as a stunt performer

[1:18:15] by waiting outside the director's office

[1:18:17] and doing flips when he would come out for a cigarette.

[1:18:20] That didn't work.

[1:18:23] I like that moxie, though.

[1:18:24] Years later, I ran into the director

[1:18:27] at an Irish bar in Tempe, Arizona.

[1:18:29] He gave me his card, and I lost it.

[1:18:32] I'm also friends with someone high up in the...

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:34] Is that that Irish bar in Tempe, Arizona that...

[1:18:38] Oh, fuck, what's that author?

[1:18:39] There's this author who writes these fantasy books

[1:18:42] about a fucking druid who lives in Tempe, Arizona.

[1:18:45] And he's always hanging out at one bar that actually exists,

[1:18:49] and it's the weirdest fucking thing.

[1:18:51] Okay, go, Dan.

[1:18:52] I don't know why you raised a question

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:54] that could not be answered.

[1:18:55] Somebody will write in.

[1:18:56] Yeah, yeah, Stuart was sure you or I would know

[1:18:58] about someone who writes a book about druids

[1:19:00] in Tempe, Arizona.

[1:19:01] But I think here's the cautionary tale of this letter,

[1:19:04] and knowing it hasn't finished yet,

[1:19:05] is when someone gives you a business card

[1:19:08] you want to hold on to,

[1:19:09] don't do any flips until you put it on your nightstands

[1:19:11] or maybe in your files.

[1:19:13] Because I have to assume he did a flip in celebration

[1:19:15] and it fell out of his pocket.

[1:19:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:17] Or because Bazooka Joe did something hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:20] Yeah, and he just flew backwards

[1:19:22] with the contents of his pocket spilling out everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:25] He finishes the letter,

[1:19:26] I'm also friends with someone high up

[1:19:28] in the local water department

[1:19:29] who said it might not even have been herpes

[1:19:31] that killed those fish,

[1:19:32] but I forget what his findings indicated it was.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:35] Guys, sounds like we got another mystery on our hands.

[1:19:38] Book us some flights to wherever they shot that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:41] I think we got a lot of leads here.

[1:19:43] We got more information about this book series

[1:19:46] Stuart talked about.

[1:19:47] We got this carp herpes thing.

[1:19:50] That's the thing that I feel like

[1:19:51] was some false lead that David Koechner created

[1:19:55] so that his carp murder spree was not pinned on him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:00] We've clearly got to start at this Irish bar

[1:20:02] in Tampa, Arizona

[1:20:03] and then eventually get back there.

[1:20:04] We've got our team.

[1:20:05] Now, I'm the stealth guy

[1:20:07] because I'm short and I'm small

[1:20:08] so I can hide in the shadows.

[1:20:10] Stuart, you're obviously the muscle

[1:20:11] and also the face.

[1:20:13] Dan, you're our herpes expert

[1:20:14] for obvious reasons.

[1:20:16] We're going to have to solve the problem

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:17] what's killing carp in this unnamed lake.

[1:20:19] Dan's our tech guy, right?

[1:20:21] Because he's good at handling the emails and stuff.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:25] Now, Elliot,

[1:20:25] weren't you trying to sell this pilot,

[1:20:27] Fish Herpes Detectives?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:29] Yeah, it was called Fish Herpes Detectives.

[1:20:31] It starred us,

[1:20:32] but we also had a cute kid

[1:20:33] that we had to adopt

[1:20:34] and went with us.

[1:20:35] And the kid had a funny lisp

[1:20:37] so it would be like,

[1:20:38] herpes?

[1:20:39] And we'd have to try to hide

[1:20:40] what herpes was

[1:20:41] because they're not ready

[1:20:42] for that knowledge.

[1:20:43] Now, here was the problem

[1:20:44] that a lot of the networks had with it.

[1:20:46] One, the word herpes in the title,

[1:20:48] but I stood firm on that.

[1:20:49] That wasn't going anywhere.

[1:20:50] Two, the budget I was asking for

[1:20:52] of $20 million an episode

[1:20:54] just for the three of us,

[1:20:55] not counting production costs.

[1:20:56] The rest would be kind of

[1:20:57] on a shoestring.

[1:20:58] And three,

[1:20:59] that we were going to investigate

[1:21:01] one specific Fish Herpes mystery

[1:21:03] but never solve it

[1:21:04] like the way Twin Peaks

[1:21:05] was supposed to be done.

[1:21:07] And also, I was going to try

[1:21:08] to get the log lady

[1:21:09] back out of retirement

[1:21:10] so that she could be

[1:21:11] a main character on the show,

[1:21:12] maybe even the villain,

[1:21:13] who knows.

[1:21:14] But it was hard to secure

[1:21:16] her involvement,

[1:21:17] to get her attached.

[1:21:18] Again, herpes in the title,

[1:21:19] not huge.

[1:21:20] And at the time,

[1:21:21] a lot of the networks

[1:21:22] said we're not buying

[1:21:22] Fish shows anymore

[1:21:23] because Fish Police

[1:21:24] was such a big disaster.

[1:21:25] And I was like,

[1:21:26] that was a long time ago.

[1:21:27] People are ready for Fish shows.

[1:21:28] Remember Fish,

[1:21:29] the spinoff from Barney Miller?

[1:21:30] And they were like,

[1:21:31] no, we don't.

[1:21:32] No one remembers that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:33] I feel like tons of people

[1:21:34] are ready for Fish shows.

[1:21:35] I mean, they play like

[1:21:36] multiple nights

[1:21:36] around New Year's Eve

[1:21:37] in Madison Square Garden.

[1:21:38] Oh, right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:42] But you're laughing

[1:21:43] to have you back

[1:21:43] in your pocket.

[1:21:47] So, Dan,

[1:21:48] is that the end

[1:21:48] of the letter

[1:21:49] or was there more?

[1:21:50] That's it.

[1:21:51] It was just a fun story

[1:21:52] about Piranha 3D.

[1:21:53] Yeah, it was great.

[1:21:54] That was.

[1:21:54] Well, that's...

[1:21:55] Clear our palate.

[1:21:56] That's a really...

[1:21:57] Thank you for clearing

[1:21:58] our palate

[1:21:58] from all the...

[1:21:59] from the very serious

[1:22:00] letters that came before.

[1:22:02] We might have to have

[1:22:03] a discussion with Dan

[1:22:03] about maybe just having

[1:22:05] one feeling bad

[1:22:06] about types of people

[1:22:07] letter per show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:08] Yeah, I mean,

[1:22:08] it's called like a shit sandwich.

[1:22:11] Okay.

[1:22:12] Where you have bread

[1:22:12] and shit and bread.

[1:22:14] Okay, sorry.

[1:22:16] Let's...

[1:22:16] Still sounds unpleasant.

[1:22:19] That bread doesn't

[1:22:20] help me out that much.

[1:22:21] You wouldn't want

[1:22:22] the other way around, dude.

[1:22:24] It's not like a double-decker

[1:22:26] or whatever that thing is.

[1:22:27] The double-dude.

[1:22:28] The double-deck.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:29] I gotta choose

[1:22:30] between one of them?

[1:22:31] Is that what you're saying?

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:22:32] You have to choose the...

[1:22:33] It's like choosing

[1:22:34] the ball or the sword

[1:22:35] in Lone Wolf and Cup.

[1:22:36] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:37] Yeah, or the lady

[1:22:38] or the tiger.

[1:22:39] Keeping in mind

[1:22:39] that the lady

[1:22:40] is a lady

[1:22:40] that you don't want

[1:22:41] to talk to.

[1:22:41] Nope.

[1:22:43] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:44] Like someone at the DMV

[1:22:45] or what?

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:47] A lot of fine people

[1:22:48] work at the DMV.

[1:22:49] But yeah, she does work there.

[1:22:51] Yeah, her name is Sherry.

[1:22:52] She works at the DMV.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:54] Okay.

[1:22:55] So now's the last segment

[1:22:57] on the show.

[1:22:58] This crazy show of ours.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:01] Dan, when was the last time

[1:23:02] you went to the DMV?

Dan McCoy

[1:23:04] I don't know.

[1:23:07] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:09] Last time I went to the DMV,

[1:23:10] the lady who was handling

[1:23:11] my case was delightful,

[1:23:13] super professional,

[1:23:15] and it didn't take very long.

[1:23:16] California DMV.

[1:23:17] Ask for,

[1:23:18] I forgot her name,

[1:23:19] but she was really good.

[1:23:20] Okay.

[1:23:22] She was the one,

[1:23:22] you know you're in good hands

[1:23:23] when the person

[1:23:24] who's handling your case

[1:23:24] is the one everyone else

[1:23:25] is coming over to

[1:23:26] to ask questions

[1:23:27] about forms they need.

[1:23:28] Yeah.

[1:23:28] And she has the answers.

[1:23:29] It's like,

[1:23:30] I'm in good hands.

[1:23:31] This is the expert.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:33] Okay.

[1:23:34] Well,

[1:23:34] thank you guys

[1:23:35] for schooling me

[1:23:37] about my stereotypes.

[1:23:39] Okay.

[1:23:40] DMV.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:41] You'd think

[1:23:41] since the first two letters

[1:23:42] were literally about stereotypes,

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:45] you would know

[1:23:46] not to step in.

[1:23:46] I would think

[1:23:47] you would like

[1:23:47] the DMV

[1:23:48] because

[1:23:49] it could be,

[1:23:50] like those letters

[1:23:51] could stand for

[1:23:52] Dan McCoy vehicle,

[1:23:53] you know?

[1:23:54] Yeah.

[1:23:55] They could.

[1:23:56] That's,

[1:23:57] that's factually true.

[1:23:59] Or

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] Darth Murray Vader,

[1:24:01] since Murray

[1:24:01] is Darth Vader's

[1:24:02] middle name.

[1:24:03] But Dan,

[1:24:04] I know your stereotypes

[1:24:05] about the DMV

[1:24:05] come from Patty and Selma

[1:24:06] on The Simpsons

[1:24:07] by far

[1:24:08] the most offensive

[1:24:09] stereotype on The Simpsons

[1:24:10] that these two ladies

[1:24:12] who work at the DMV

[1:24:13] are very unpleasant.

[1:24:14] Wait,

[1:24:14] hold on.

[1:24:15] Otherwise,

[1:24:15] extremely PC show.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:18] So,

[1:24:19] this last segment

[1:24:19] of the show

[1:24:20] is where we recommend

[1:24:22] movies that we saw

[1:24:23] that you should watch

[1:24:24] instead of Gotti.

[1:24:25] Please,

[1:24:25] Lord,

[1:24:25] watch anything

[1:24:26] instead of Gotti.

[1:24:28] Yep.

[1:24:29] I saw two movies

[1:24:30] last night,

[1:24:31] both of which

[1:24:31] I enjoyed.

[1:24:34] Gotti.

[1:24:35] One was

[1:24:35] Under the Silver Lake,

[1:24:39] which has not been

[1:24:40] released here yet,

[1:24:41] but I have friends

[1:24:42] who had

[1:24:42] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:24:42] how do you see that,

[1:24:42] Nutsack?

[1:24:44] Friends had access

[1:24:45] to a French DVD.

[1:24:47] Oh,

[1:24:48] I know the friend.

[1:24:50] So,

[1:24:51] it's the follow-up

[1:24:53] from the guy who did

[1:24:53] It Follows.

[1:24:55] It's a

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:56] So this is what

[1:24:56] follows It Follows.

[1:24:58] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:02] Congratulations.

[1:25:02] If I were there,

[1:25:03] I would high-five you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:04] Yeah,

[1:25:04] put like a

[1:25:05] zinger sound effect

[1:25:06] in there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:07] Yeah,

[1:25:08] add in a

[1:25:08] just a

[1:25:09] zoo-zoo.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:11] But,

[1:25:11] it's nominally

[1:25:12] a mystery.

[1:25:13] I mean,

[1:25:14] it is a mystery,

[1:25:14] but like,

[1:25:15] none of it makes

[1:25:15] any sense.

[1:25:16] It's all,

[1:25:17] it's kind of

[1:25:18] in the tradition

[1:25:19] of like,

[1:25:19] stoner

[1:25:20] L.A.

[1:25:21] mysteries,

[1:25:22] like,

[1:25:22] The Long Goodbye

[1:25:23] or Big Lebowski,

[1:25:24] but it's much more

[1:25:26] absurd and weird

[1:25:27] and nonsensical

[1:25:29] than either

[1:25:30] of those films.

[1:25:31] like,

[1:25:31] it's about

[1:25:31] a

[1:25:33] unemployed guy

[1:25:36] played by

[1:25:36] Andrew Garfield

[1:25:37] who,

[1:25:37] there's a woman

[1:25:39] who goes missing

[1:25:40] in the middle

[1:25:41] of the night

[1:25:41] who he had a moment

[1:25:43] with and he wants

[1:25:44] to find her

[1:25:44] and he sort of

[1:25:46] becomes convinced

[1:25:47] that there are all

[1:25:47] these hidden

[1:25:49] signals around him,

[1:25:51] like,

[1:25:51] that,

[1:25:53] these messages

[1:25:54] that,

[1:25:55] I mean,

[1:25:55] it's all,

[1:25:56] it's about

[1:25:56] the interconnectedness

[1:25:57] of all things

[1:25:58] except for like,

[1:25:58] everything that he,

[1:26:00] every clue that he

[1:26:00] follows up on

[1:26:01] is totally absurd

[1:26:02] and should not lead

[1:26:04] to him solving

[1:26:06] the mystery,

[1:26:07] but somehow does.

[1:26:09] Spoiler alert.

[1:26:10] Sorry.

[1:26:12] And so I watched that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:13] It hasn't even been

[1:26:14] released yet.

[1:26:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:16] And I saw,

[1:26:16] I also saw Mausoleum,

[1:26:18] which is a great

[1:26:19] bad movie

[1:26:21] about a woman

[1:26:23] who's possessed

[1:26:24] by a demon

[1:26:24] after she goes

[1:26:25] into a mausoleum

[1:26:26] and that's shown

[1:26:28] by her eyes

[1:26:29] turning green

[1:26:29] and her doing

[1:26:31] like crazy things

[1:26:32] with her brain powers.

[1:26:33] Sounds awesome.

[1:26:34] And talking about

[1:26:36] stereotypes,

[1:26:36] there is a very

[1:26:37] like minstrel-y

[1:26:39] like lady housekeeper

[1:26:41] who gets scared

[1:26:41] of the supernatural

[1:26:42] thing in the middle

[1:26:43] of it,

[1:26:44] so that's kind of

[1:26:45] wheezy,

[1:26:45] but the rest of it.

[1:26:47] Yeah, you thought

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:47] Mausoleum would hold up.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:50] But the rest of it

[1:26:51] is like so bad

[1:26:52] and funny

[1:26:53] and so of its time

[1:26:54] and there's just

[1:26:56] like there's a twist

[1:26:57] ending at the end

[1:26:57] that is completely

[1:26:59] nonsensical

[1:27:00] in the most delightful

[1:27:03] way.

[1:27:04] So if you're looking

[1:27:04] for a bad movie

[1:27:05] to watch,

[1:27:05] I say Mausoleum.

[1:27:06] Awesome.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:09] I'm going to recommend

[1:27:10] a movie.

[1:27:12] After seeing

[1:27:13] You Were Never Really Here

[1:27:14] earlier this year,

[1:27:15] I've been slowly

[1:27:16] dipping back

[1:27:18] into Lynn Ramsey's

[1:27:19] catalog,

[1:27:19] and I'm going to

[1:27:21] recommend

[1:27:21] We Need to Talk

[1:27:22] About Kevin,

[1:27:23] a spooky little joint

[1:27:26] starring Tilda Swinton,

[1:27:30] John C. Reilly,

[1:27:31] Ezra Miller.

[1:27:31] That's the full quote

[1:27:32] on the poster,

[1:27:33] a spooky little joint.

[1:27:35] Yeah,

[1:27:36] I thought it was

[1:27:36] really fun.

[1:27:38] It's,

[1:27:38] I think it's a great

[1:27:40] little horror movie

[1:27:41] about an evil kid.

[1:27:42] It's shot beautifully.

[1:27:44] It's built around

[1:27:45] an incredible

[1:27:46] central performance

[1:27:47] by Tilda Swinton.

[1:27:50] And,

[1:27:50] yeah,

[1:27:51] I mean,

[1:27:52] it bounces around

[1:27:54] in time.

[1:27:55] It postulates

[1:27:57] a universe

[1:27:57] where Tilda Swinton

[1:27:58] and John C. Reilly

[1:27:59] are married,

[1:28:00] which I love

[1:28:01] that idea,

[1:28:02] although I don't

[1:28:03] know if,

[1:28:04] I feel like

[1:28:05] their child

[1:28:06] would be even

[1:28:07] more alien

[1:28:08] than Ezra Miller,

[1:28:09] but who knows.

[1:28:10] Yeah,

[1:28:11] I like it.

[1:28:11] I also really,

[1:28:13] my big,

[1:28:14] my favorite thing

[1:28:14] to do

[1:28:14] is to watch movies

[1:28:15] that elicit

[1:28:17] strong reactions

[1:28:18] on IMDb user reviews.

[1:28:21] And,

[1:28:21] we need to talk

[1:28:22] about Kevin

[1:28:23] is very much

[1:28:24] like that.

[1:28:25] Apparently,

[1:28:25] people thought

[1:28:26] it was based

[1:28:26] on a true story.

[1:28:30] Now,

[1:28:31] I mean,

[1:28:32] it uses a couple,

[1:28:33] the movie uses

[1:28:34] some kind of

[1:28:35] on the nose

[1:28:35] music cues,

[1:28:37] but it works.

[1:28:38] I don't know.

[1:28:38] Whole thing works.

[1:28:39] I like it.

[1:28:40] Watch it.

[1:28:41] Spooky kid.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:44] Spooky little joint

[1:28:45] with a spooky kid.

[1:28:46] Yep.

[1:28:49] a movie that's also,

[1:28:50] well,

[1:28:51] it's not spooky at all,

[1:28:52] but it is haunting.

[1:28:54] Oh,

[1:28:55] the movie

[1:28:55] First Reformed,

[1:28:57] Paul Schrader's movie

[1:28:58] with Ethan Hawke

[1:28:59] about a priest

[1:29:01] who is a,

[1:29:03] not a priest,

[1:29:04] a reverend,

[1:29:04] sorry,

[1:29:05] a reverend

[1:29:05] at a down point

[1:29:06] in his life.

[1:29:07] He is too much

[1:29:08] into alcohol,

[1:29:09] and he gets wrapped up

[1:29:10] in the life

[1:29:10] of a married couple

[1:29:11] where the husband

[1:29:11] is pretty much

[1:29:12] on his way

[1:29:13] to becoming

[1:29:13] an eco-terrorist,

[1:29:15] and in a lot of,

[1:29:16] now the last Paul Schrader

[1:29:17] movie I tried to watch

[1:29:18] before this,

[1:29:18] Dog Eats Dog,

[1:29:19] I could not get through,

[1:29:20] but this movie

[1:29:21] I found super spellbinding

[1:29:23] and just like really

[1:29:24] disciplined and restrained

[1:29:25] in a really great way,

[1:29:27] and it feels like

[1:29:28] it's his take

[1:29:29] on Ingmar Bergman's

[1:29:30] Winter Light,

[1:29:31] which is also about

[1:29:32] a religious leader

[1:29:34] who is,

[1:29:35] who gets traumatized

[1:29:37] basically by his experience

[1:29:38] dealing with a man

[1:29:39] who is in crisis

[1:29:40] because of larger

[1:29:41] world issues

[1:29:42] that he really

[1:29:42] has no control over

[1:29:43] and suffers

[1:29:45] because of that

[1:29:46] loss of control,

[1:29:47] but at the same time

[1:29:48] it's also like

[1:29:48] a companion piece

[1:29:49] to Taxi Driver

[1:29:50] in the way that

[1:29:51] Ethan Hawke's character

[1:29:52] develops over the movie.

[1:29:53] They're both about men

[1:29:54] who get very intimate

[1:29:55] looks into people's lives

[1:29:56] but have found

[1:29:57] that they can no longer

[1:29:58] connect with the world anymore,

[1:29:59] and as a result

[1:30:00] they become radicalized

[1:30:01] in different ways,

[1:30:02] only this one,

[1:30:04] the thing that's

[1:30:04] radicalizing him

[1:30:05] is like a real problem,

[1:30:06] which is the destruction

[1:30:07] of the environment,

[1:30:07] but I thought that

[1:30:08] Ethan Hawke

[1:30:09] was really great in it,

[1:30:10] Cedric the Entertainer

[1:30:11] has a role in it,

[1:30:11] and he's really great in it,

[1:30:12] and I've just found it

[1:30:14] to be a really powerful,

[1:30:15] affecting movie.

[1:30:16] Don't watch it

[1:30:17] looking for a good time,

[1:30:18] but at the same time

[1:30:19] watch it.

[1:30:19] Yeah, watch it.

[1:30:20] We need to talk about

[1:30:21] Kevin for that.

[1:30:23] But it's one of these movies

[1:30:25] that came as close

[1:30:26] as I can think of

[1:30:27] to an American take

[1:30:29] on what is usually

[1:30:29] a very European type of movie,

[1:30:31] something that's grappling

[1:30:32] with religious issues

[1:30:34] in a serious way,

[1:30:35] grappling with larger forces

[1:30:37] and the way that

[1:30:38] individuals can

[1:30:39] or cannot influence

[1:30:40] the world around them

[1:30:41] in a larger way,

[1:30:42] and I just thought

[1:30:43] it was really,

[1:30:44] really well done.

[1:30:45] So first,

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:46] Reformed.

[1:30:47] Yeah,

[1:30:47] that's being talked about

[1:30:50] for award seasons,

[1:30:50] right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:51] I mean,

[1:30:52] it won some independent

[1:30:53] Spirit Awards

[1:30:54] and some Critics' Choice

[1:30:56] Things it was nominated for,

[1:30:57] but I think it should,

[1:30:59] I would love it

[1:30:59] to win some awards.

[1:31:00] I think it's a really

[1:31:01] great movie,

[1:31:01] and it's the kind of movie

[1:31:02] that would be easy

[1:31:05] to dismiss as,

[1:31:07] I don't know,

[1:31:08] either too,

[1:31:09] this is too boring

[1:31:10] or too depressing

[1:31:10] or too serious

[1:31:11] or too bleak.

[1:31:12] Like,

[1:31:12] I don't care,

[1:31:13] but it's just,

[1:31:14] I found it really,

[1:31:14] like,

[1:31:15] powerful,

[1:31:16] and there was never

[1:31:16] a moment where I was

[1:31:17] bored with it,

[1:31:18] even when the movie

[1:31:18] was moving at its own pace.

[1:31:20] So,

[1:31:21] try it out.

[1:31:22] First Reformed,

[1:31:23] Ethan Hawke,

[1:31:24] you love him,

[1:31:24] he's handsome,

[1:31:25] right?

[1:31:26] Mm-hmm.

[1:31:27] And Cedric the Entertainer,

[1:31:28] he's hilarious.

[1:31:28] I mean,

[1:31:28] the part he's playing

[1:31:29] is not funny,

[1:31:30] but he's very good at it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:31] So three movies you can see

[1:31:32] and one movie you can't see.

[1:31:34] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:36] Dan was just dangling

[1:31:37] that one in front of you

[1:31:38] to show how cool he is.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:41] Now what do we do, Dan?

[1:31:43] Now we say,

[1:31:44] get the fuck out of here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:46] Oh, wow.

[1:31:47] Wow, like a regular

[1:31:47] John Gotti.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:47] Where was that accent

[1:31:48] earlier?

[1:31:49] Yeah, Dan,

[1:31:50] you had so much opportunity

[1:31:51] to do your

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:52] bridge and tunnel guy accent

[1:31:55] and you just didn't do it.

[1:31:56] Dan,

[1:31:56] I need to ask you

[1:31:57] a serious question.

[1:31:58] Uh-huh.

[1:31:58] What's the matter with you?

[1:31:59] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:03] Marone.

[1:32:04] Oh, wow.

[1:32:05] Really, really,

[1:32:06] really buried the lead

[1:32:07] on this one, Dan.

[1:32:08] Really loading up the back

[1:32:10] with all the stuff

[1:32:10] you should have done earlier

[1:32:11] when you were talking about Gotti.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:12] Were you just planning

[1:32:13] to do that one line

[1:32:14] and you were practicing

[1:32:15] the whole day

[1:32:16] in your head?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:20] I want to applaud

[1:32:22] my own restraint

[1:32:22] for not going into

[1:32:24] a long digression

[1:32:24] where I was like

[1:32:25] a Jersey guy

[1:32:26] talking about

[1:32:27] how great Gotti was.

[1:32:28] So, thank you to me, Elliot,

[1:32:30] for not doing that

[1:32:31] and instead going with

[1:32:32] the much more profitable

[1:32:33] holes tangent.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:34] Yeah, I love the idea

[1:32:35] that Elliot is congratulating

[1:32:36] himself on restraint.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:42] So, before we go,

[1:32:44] as always,

[1:32:45] check out

[1:32:45] MaximumFun.org

[1:32:46] for a bunch of

[1:32:47] other great shows,

[1:32:49] podcasts.

[1:32:49] You like podcasts?

[1:32:50] You're listening to one

[1:32:51] right now.

[1:32:51] Why not try other ones?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:52] We don't know

[1:32:53] what your reaction

[1:32:54] is to this.

[1:32:54] You may hate it.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:57] Also, if you like the show,

[1:32:59] give us a review

[1:33:00] on iTunes,

[1:33:01] tweet about us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:02] Tell your friends,

[1:33:04] tell your family,

[1:33:05] introduce it to the

[1:33:06] made men

[1:33:07] or women

[1:33:08] in your life.

[1:33:09] Let's be,

[1:33:10] it'd be really funny

[1:33:11] if they wanted Gotti

[1:33:12] to be more of an

[1:33:14] accepting movie

[1:33:14] so they're like,

[1:33:15] you're now made man

[1:33:16] or woman

[1:33:16] as the case may be.

[1:33:20] But yeah,

[1:33:21] tweet about us,

[1:33:22] Instagram about us,

[1:33:23] Facebook about us,

[1:33:24] leave a review on iTunes

[1:33:25] or wherever you listen

[1:33:25] to podcasts.

[1:33:26] The Flophouse,

[1:33:27] as Jan mentioned,

[1:33:28] it's a production

[1:33:29] of Maximum Fun.

[1:33:30] Go to MaximumFun.org

[1:33:31] for other great podcasts.

[1:33:32] There's lots of great ones.

[1:33:32] I don't know why

Dan McCoy

[1:33:32] you need to repeat it.

[1:33:33] I cover all this stuff.

[1:33:35] It's just undermining me

[1:33:36] at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:37] Once again,

[1:33:38] get the fuck out of here.

[1:33:39] Forget about it,

[1:33:40] Marone.

[1:33:41] Okay, all right.

[1:33:42] And I'm Dan McCoy,

[1:33:44] 2.0.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:45] I'm Elliot Kay.

[1:33:46] I'm Dylan.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:47] And I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:33:49] I guess we're ending this thing.

[1:33:50] Goodbye.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:05] Now, here's the thing

[1:34:06] about Home Alone.

[1:34:07] Okay.

[1:34:08] Uh-huh.

[1:34:08] He also had that neighbor,

[1:34:10] the scary old man

[1:34:11] with the snow shovel,

[1:34:12] who also could have come over

[1:34:13] and helped him at any time,

[1:34:15] but instead was just

[1:34:16] kind of waiting outside

[1:34:17] like a sentry.

[1:34:18] Uh-huh.

[1:34:19] Like as in the Judas Priest song,

[1:34:21] The Sentinel,

[1:34:22] just waiting for someone

[1:34:22] to come by

[1:34:23] so he could hit him

[1:34:23] with that shovel, right?

[1:34:25] Yeah.

[1:34:25] But maybe Kevin McAllister

[1:34:27] had put some sort of

[1:34:27] supernatural ward

[1:34:29] on the house

[1:34:29] that would only allow

[1:34:31] the wet bandits in

[1:34:31] but would bar entry

[1:34:32] for any other adults.

[1:34:34] Have you thought of that?

[1:34:35] I think that's

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:35] certainly possible.

[1:34:37] I mean,

[1:34:37] I don't know

[1:34:37] what's in their basement.

[1:34:38] They already had

[1:34:39] all those cardboard cutouts

[1:34:40] and stuff.

[1:34:41] They probably have

[1:34:42] some kind of

[1:34:42] books on esoterica.

[1:34:46] Maximumfun.org

[1:34:48] Comedy and culture.

[1:34:49] Artist owned.

[1:34:50] Listener supported.

Ep. #274 - Gotti

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