Ep. #275 - The Meg

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Meg.

[0:03] Welcome to Jurassic Shark.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] Hey, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] Elliot Kalin, back at ya, doing what I do.

[0:45] What is it that I do, guys?

[0:46] I don't know, but whatever it is, it ain't pretty.

[0:48] Oh no, not at all.

[0:50] Dan, what do we do here on this podcast?

[0:53] Okay, well, great segue, guys.

[0:56] Yeah, segue Stu, they call him.

[0:57] Firing on all cylinders tonight.

[0:59] Yep.

[1:00] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:03] Oh, heck yeah, we do.

[1:04] And did we watch a movie today, Dan?

[1:06] Well, we didn't watch it today, no.

[1:10] Why do I smell toast?

[1:12] You watched it today.

[1:13] We watched a movie called The Meg.

[1:16] The Meg, short for Maggie Gyllenhaal.

[1:19] No.

[1:20] That's her name.

[1:23] Short for Megabyte, the villain from Reboot,

[1:27] The old CG Saturday morning cartoon show.

[1:30] Because this is like the gritty reboot of Reboot.

[1:33] And they started it with a spinoff about the villain, Megabyte.

[1:36] Uh-huh.

[1:37] No kidding.

[1:37] Okay.

[1:38] Wow.

[1:39] Is the animation any better now?

[1:41] Or do they intentionally lower the animation quality to food fight standards?

[1:45] So people who are nostalgic for the original cartoon would feel connected.

[1:50] Oh, the animation is actually worse than the original cartoon.

[1:52] Oh, cool.

[1:53] Okay.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:55] It's just a guy with a couple of paper cutout dolls, actually.

[1:58] Yeah, yeah.

[1:59] It's called Balinese shadow puppetry, Dan.

[2:01] It goes back thousands of years.

[2:02] It's a rich folklore tradition.

[2:04] But we're just kidding.

[2:05] The Meg is actually about Meg Ryan, star of French Kiss, Sleepless in Seattle, In the Cut.

[2:12] Yeah, the movie everyone thinks of first when they think of Meg Ryan, In the Cut.

[2:18] I mean, certain guys think of In the Cut first when they think of Meg Ryan.

[2:21] Yeah.

[2:22] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[2:25] we said it already why do you keep doing this it's like you had a stroke dan are you having

[2:31] trouble what's going on are you having okay yeah dan you're getting real mad

[2:34] you guys were you mad at your shenanigans and your uh you seem upset about the reveal of the

[2:43] hallmark movie you were watching when i came in yeah oh what movie was that uh it wasn't a movie

[2:49] It was a two-hour-long television show, though.

[2:51] I mean, that sounds like a movie to me.

[2:53] It was about...

[2:54] Dan, I don't know if you realize this, but TV is the new movies.

[2:57] That's where the real stories are being told.

[2:59] Yeah.

[3:00] It was about...

[3:01] I came in in the middle.

[3:02] It seemed to be about a woman who used to be a prosecutor and now is a therapist, but

[3:06] she still somehow solves mysteries with the police.

[3:09] So, I'm not sure how that works.

[3:11] I think she solves mysteries using her acumen of the legal system and her natural tenacity.

[3:16] Well, no.

[3:17] Okay.

[3:18] I stand corrected.

[3:20] I understand how she solves mysteries.

[3:22] I don't understand why she's solving mysteries.

[3:24] It's just hard to get out of that life, you know?

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:28] She has that tattoo on her tummy that says question mark life in gothic script.

[3:32] You know, it's hard to leave that mystery life.

[3:34] So, guys, we watched a movie called The Meg.

[3:37] We're going to talk about it.

[3:38] This movie is not about Meg Ryan unless Meg Ryan is a giant shark.

[3:42] Is she?

[3:43] We'll find out.

[3:44] I mean, I haven't seen her in a lot of movies lately.

[3:46] Like, did she become a shark?

[3:48] Yeah, did she do, like, a Benedict Bandersnatch-type CGI adventure like they did for Smaug?

[3:55] Most of her body is made of cartilage, so...

[3:58] That's true, that's true.

[3:59] She shares a lot of DNA with sharks, as we all do.

[4:02] Somebody's been hitting Meg Ryan's IMDb profile page.

[4:05] Trivia, made of cartilage.

[4:09] Now, the Meg is a story about a giant shark that attacks people.

[4:14] And it's like, I wonder why this is such an original story.

[4:17] How have they never made a movie about a big shark that attacks people before?

[4:20] Dan?

[4:21] Wait, what?

[4:23] I thought it was in the middle of something.

[4:25] Why did you redirect towards me?

[4:26] I thought you might know the answer why no one's made that giant shark movie.

[4:29] What Stewart just did is called Passing the Ball.

[4:32] It's an improv thing where you yes and what I just said,

[4:35] by which I mean you agree with my premise that no one has ever made a giant shark movie.

[4:39] The joke being that, of course, there are many shark movies,

[4:42] the most famous being Jaws and its sequels,

[4:44] a very famous movie that at one point was the most successful film of all time,

[4:48] and then you would end it by then adding to this hypothetical situation,

[4:52] the irony of which is, of course, that the audience is fully aware that Jaws exists

[4:56] and that we're having a little bit of a goof.

[4:58] Now, Stuart, pass the ball to you.

[5:00] It's much like a game of basketball wherein I'm not playing.

[5:02] I feel like you were in the middle of a sentence in a bit,

[5:05] and Stuart interrupted it to willfully redirect to me,

[5:08] who had nothing to say and was distracted by a cat on the table.

[5:11] You're probably thinking about Orca the Killer Whale,

[5:14] and you're like, is that about a shark?

[5:16] No, I think in the title it says killer whale.

[5:19] That's not a shark.

[5:20] You were thinking about the movie Swimming with Sharks

[5:23] starring your favorite actor, Kevin Spacey.

[5:24] You love him as much today as you always do.

[5:26] I was going to say, starring your favorite actor, Frank Whaley.

[5:29] I mean, I do love Frank Whaley.

[5:31] He's a really good actor.

[5:32] He's good.

[5:33] Now, it raises the question,

[5:34] have I seen Frank Whaley live on stage in a play?

[5:37] Yes, I have, in a play with Marissa Tomei.

[5:40] Anyway, we don't need to get into that,

[5:41] but it was a Wallace Shawn play.

[5:43] It was one of his earlier plays.

[5:43] Okay, so, Dan.

[5:45] Yeah.

[5:46] Shark movies.

[5:47] What's your favorite shark movie?

[5:49] If you say The Meg, I'll be very surprised.

[5:51] I mean, it's Jaws, right?

[5:54] It's got to be Jaws.

[5:55] I think you mean A Shark Tale.

[5:57] Okay, sorry.

[5:59] I think that you were thinking, when you said Jaws,

[6:01] I was thinking of A Shark Tale.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:03] So, The Meg is a, it's like, not really a thriller,

[6:08] because it's not, it's an action movie,

[6:11] And it has all the excitement you expect from a movie directed by John Turtletub, director of such thrilling action films as Cool Runnings and While You Were Sleeping and Disney's The Kid.

[6:20] Now, I'm going to spoil a little bit.

[6:25] I feel like when you have a name that looks a lot like Turtletub, you're not going to be known for doing speedy action adventures.

[6:31] No, but they probably thought that he was good for things that live in water.

[6:35] That's true.

[6:36] Oh, yeah, yeah, like a tub of turtles, like on a street in Chinatown that someone's selling, just full of water, and there's turtles in it.

[6:42] Get a guy who knows water.

[6:43] Now, let me just say something about this.

[6:45] The Meg is a movie about a giant shark that is not scary at all.

[6:48] Did you guys feel that, that it was ever scary?

[6:51] You know, Elliot, I think this is my rule of things being too large.

[6:58] I need to catch your name for that rule, but let's just go with the rule of things being too large right now.

[7:03] let's call it uh dan's fear of large rule yes that's not any catchier you're right uh what

[7:12] what uh what's what's a better name for it than uh uh i mean it could just be mccoy's law

[7:17] which is that if the thing gets too large it's not scary anymore uh what about a tumor

[7:24] a what a tumor oh a tumor yeah all right well what about uh what about a national deficit

[7:31] you found the exception that proves the rule uh but you're right i think you're right that

[7:36] once the shark is ludicrously large it's no longer scary because it can't hide yeah like

[7:42] the meg is a movie where the shark can never like sneak up on somebody because it's the size of a

[7:47] train i believe this movie proves you incorrect on that one i guess you're right it's uh but these

[7:53] are very dumb people in the movie should we just jump into the water as it were let's jump in the

[7:58] deep end knowing that there's a giant meg in it which is of course as we all know short for

[8:02] megan mccain yep daughter of megan mullally uh let's let's jump in like former professional

[8:10] diver jason statham dives into the movie yeah he was her and and and competitive swimmer

[8:15] jason statham in real life so that was the most interesting thing about this movie was me thinking

[8:20] about jason statham as a competitive swimmer when he was younger okay the movie starts when jason

[8:24] Statham and his character Jonas Taylor

[8:26] because I think they needed a character

[8:28] whose first name was an anagram

[8:30] for the actor's first name because he kept

[8:32] not knowing when it was his turn to talk.

[8:34] His character

[8:36] was originally, I assume, named Tom. And they were like,

[8:38] Tom, what are we going to do? And he would just be staring off

[8:40] into space. They go, Jason, Jason,

[8:42] we need a name that sounds more like Jason.

[8:44] What are we going to do? And they probably want to tie it in

[8:46] with like Jonah and the whale.

[8:47] Oh, yeah. Good point.

[8:50] And also the Jonas Brothers.

[8:51] Oh, I can only assume.

[8:54] Yeah. So Jason Statham, Jonas Taylor, he's investigating a maritime wreck that has some survivors inside it.

[8:59] It's at the bottom of the sea. He's a deep sea rescue diver.

[9:02] But, uh-oh, something starts attacking the sunken sub that they're going in.

[9:05] And Jason Statham has to leave some of his men behind to save the rest.

[9:08] And he's accused of cowardice by a Dr. Heller, who is also-

[9:12] Or having, like, a deep madness.

[9:14] Yeah, and now, like, the person I was watching this movie with, they pointed out that-

[9:20] Wait, was their name Meg? Was it Meg Ryan?

[9:22] Yeah, it was Meg Ryan.

[9:23] Is she like, oh, am I in this?

[9:25] Great.

[9:25] I love watching things come in, like in the cut.

[9:27] I kept poking her to make sure that I was right, that her skin was made mostly of cartilage.

[9:32] And I was.

[9:33] Okay.

[9:34] But, no, she pointed out that the submarine that they're rescuing the people from blows up immediately after the rescue happens.

[9:44] And the guy's like, we could have saved everyone.

[9:47] Why didn't you save everyone?

[9:48] And it's just like, well, you can see with your eyes that the submarine just fucking blew up like immediately after this happened.

[9:54] I don't know.

[9:55] It just seemed like this guy spends most of the time judging Jason Statham for no reason whatsoever.

[10:01] I feel like there's plenty of other reasons to judge Jonas Taylor.

[10:06] Yeah.

[10:07] Well, he's the character who exists only to help put, only to not believe the main character.

[10:13] I mean, Jason Statham does say that a giant prehistoric shark or some kind of giant monster attacked the sub, and he's like, eh, you imagined it.

[10:21] You're just a scary – you're just scared of everything.

[10:24] But that character basically just exists so Jason Statham can have like a critic that he has to push back against, much like I assume he pushed back against the critics who saw The Meg, who I don't think gave it very many good reviews.

[10:36] Okay.

[10:36] Then cut to I guess the present or the future.

[10:41] Yeah, I mean, it's five years later.

[10:43] It is five years later.

[10:44] Okay.

[10:44] There's a helicopter that flies to an offshore research station using at minimum 100 different shots.

[10:51] It's like that part in Taken where Liam Neeson jumps over a fence and they use like 15 or 16 different shots.

[10:56] It's like that with this helicopter.

[10:58] It's just like so many different shots of this helicopter.

[11:01] And you're like, I get it.

[11:02] You rented a helicopter.

[11:03] You wanted to make the most of it.

[11:04] Okay.

[11:05] Sometimes it requires a lot of different angles in order to make Liam Neeson's body appear like it's moving at any kind of speed.

[11:14] Now, in the helicopters delivering Rainn Wilson, who is a billionaire, who has been funding a marine biology station run by a Dr. Zhang and his daughter, who is a marine biologist, and his daughter's daughter, who is a little girl, who is somehow at a marine biology underwater experimental station.

[11:32] that is at risk of being attacked by a giant shark.

[11:35] I mean, Ellie, you know how much it costs to have child care.

[11:39] Yeah, that's true.

[11:40] That's very true.

[11:41] She's a single parent, Elliot.

[11:43] Her husband ran off with a Pilates instructor.

[11:45] Yep, they do make that very clear.

[11:47] I mean, maybe it was take your daughter to work life.

[11:51] Oh, man.

[11:54] Good thing you weren't on that research stage

[11:56] and they would have been cracking up.

[11:57] Oh, they would have been.

[11:58] I mean, I would have been like,

[11:59] it's good that we're underwater

[12:00] because there's a lot of burns going on down here uh yep so anyway they look at some whales to

[12:05] impress the billionaire and the billionaire is introduced to the whole crew of the station at

[12:09] once it's a ton of characters to get to know and i'm not going to bother naming them now uh there's

[12:14] a sense but i will mention there's like there's just a whole crew people meet them as we go on

[12:18] anyway there he has been funding their investigation of the marianas trench which dr zhang believes is

[12:24] actually deeper than anyone thinks and that what we think is the floor of the trench is actually

[12:28] a layer of some kind of chemical

[12:30] that traps heat and holds underneath it

[12:32] a hidden lost world of gods and

[12:34] monsters. Oh, cool.

[12:36] An aquatic savage land

[12:38] if you will. Yeah, which is something that he

[12:40] explains to the billionaire

[12:42] and I'm just like, what has the billionaire

[12:44] thought he's been funding?

[12:46] Like, why does he need to...

[12:48] He thought it was like the next Snapchat.

[12:50] Like, this will let people send

[12:52] pictures of themselves underwater and put animations on it,

[12:54] right? Uh, yeah, sure.

[12:57] I think we should go IPO.

[12:58] Before we do that, why don't you fly over and see what we actually do?

[13:02] Yeah, you'd think he would know all that stuff.

[13:04] There's a lot of maritime exploring that you see.

[13:07] And they go through that barrier and they find, oh, it is a lost world.

[13:14] There's lots of fish here.

[13:15] And for a while I was like, oh, did James Cameron make this?

[13:18] Because it certainly thinks we love seeing coral and fish forever.

[13:23] And the music is like, as if this is the most amazing discovery.

[13:28] When, to be honest, I couldn't tell the difference between what they found and the normal bottom of the sea.

[13:33] They weren't introducing any kind of deep sea life that we haven't seen before.

[13:40] No, there weren't mermaids and gnar octopuses or anything like that.

[13:44] I mean, I feel like the music was mainly there because if you look around, there's no garbage to be seen at all.

[13:51] You're like, oh, wow, the sea's clean again.

[13:53] This is amazing.

[13:55] It's not full of tires.

[13:56] I guess that's worth a miracle sound.

[13:59] Uh-oh, something attacks the sub and disables it.

[14:01] It's at 11,000 feet underwater, and they only have 18 hours to save it before it runs out of oxygen.

[14:06] Only one man's ever pulled off a rescue that deep.

[14:08] Hey, Dan, one guess who it is.

[14:10] Jimmy Stewart, America's Sweetheart.

[14:14] Jimmy Stewart.

[14:15] Let me out that trench.

[14:17] Not a character, but the actor Jimmy Stewart.

[14:20] They have to dig up his body and reanimate him so that he can reenact his amazing deep-sea dive rescue that he did, I guess, between the making of The Man Who Knew Too Much and Vertigo when he was an older man, but he was in that prime of life.

[14:34] And so he's like, well, I see you got a problem with a submarine at the bottom of the ocean.

[14:38] What were you doing down there looking for some kind of lost world?

[14:42] And they say, oh, no, yeah, we went through this barrier, and there's a whole warm world down there.

[14:48] It's volcanic vents and stuff.

[14:49] And he's like, well, did you find any interesting new types of life?

[14:52] And they go, no.

[14:52] It looks exactly like the rest of the ocean.

[14:54] He's like, well, that was a waste of my time.

[14:57] And he killed himself so he wouldn't help them with the deep sea dive.

[15:00] No, of course it's Jason Statham, which brings up a problem I have with movies like this, which is like the whole opening sequence.

[15:08] Like, why does Jason Statham need to have a backstory with this shark already?

[15:12] Like, can't the movie just be about how Jason Statham encounters a huge shark?

[15:17] Why does it have to be some sort of redemption for his past rescues?

[15:22] Dan, TTIP, this time it's personal.

[15:25] Oh, I see.

[15:26] Yeah, also PYT, personal young thing.

[15:30] But I think that's a good...

[15:33] Well, it's because they want to set up the idea that Jason Statham is now a wreck of a man,

[15:37] and he refuses the job because he's had this bad experience, but he's in amazing shape.

[15:42] He has up here a day.

[15:44] Yeah, they find him in Thailand and he's in a bar just hanging out, looking amazing, drinking arguably one beer a day, maybe two.

[15:53] But man, he's just so caught up and he gets on his little minibike and he's driving through town, like smiling at all the kids that are walking by.

[16:01] And they all love him.

[16:01] They're like, Jonas, Jonas, we love you.

[16:04] You're the most famous man in Thailand.

[16:05] I could have watched like 20 more minutes of this.

[16:08] I mean, it was the most entertaining part of the movie, but you're right, Dan.

[16:11] Especially why do they go to all that trouble then to show that Jonas is enjoying life and not really dealing with his demons at all?

[16:18] Yeah.

[16:19] It's like they're going through the motions of, oh, he needs a redemption story.

[16:23] And also we need to have him be reluctant to take on this mission.

[16:26] But he does it right away.

[16:29] He barely rejects it because the captain of that submarine that got crushed, it's his ex-wife, Laurie.

[16:34] Uh-oh.

[16:35] Never marry someone who's in the same deep sea diving profession that you are.

[16:40] That just goes without saying.

[16:41] Look, you never want to marry someone in the same profession that you're in.

[16:45] Unless, I guess, you're the Coen brothers.

[16:46] And you just work together so well that you get married.

[16:49] Or you, Stuart.

[16:50] Well, but you each have your his and hers bars.

[16:53] Like, I'll never get back behind the bar.

[16:55] Somebody's trapped behind the bar.

[16:58] It's your wife.

[16:59] Uh-oh, I'm getting back behind that bar.

[17:01] Yeah.

[17:02] Anyway, in the submarine, they manage to get the lights back on in the crushed sub.

[17:06] but it attracts the monster and lori gets stabbed by something i'm not quite sure what it was i

[17:12] missed this because this was when i was googling are sharks attracted to light well and that's and

[17:18] something that is made clear apparently i was reading about the movie something that's made

[17:21] clear in the book is that living at the bottom of the ocean the shark does not have strong eyes

[17:26] like its eyes are very weak and it cannot handle sunlight so you think it would go away from light

[17:31] but instead it's attracted to it and wants to eat it but i that i mean you do have like angler

[17:35] fishes use lights to attract fish to eat them so i guess it might be attracted by light now dan you

[17:39] were saying what does he get stabbed by the submersible gets jostled around by whatever it

[17:44] is and uh she gets stabbed whatever it is it's the meg dan you don't believe it what are you like dr

[17:49] hillary you don't you're a meg doubter you're the alex jones of megs's she gets stabbed by a

[17:55] screwdriver oh i see like a orange juice vodka yes well i'm impressed that you're familiar with

[18:03] that drink elliot i really only know it because they mentioned it i think in a faulty towers

[18:06] episode they do yeah in the absolutely waldorf salad episode i believe now it's also the only

[18:11] reason i know that a waldorf salad has apples and grapes and nuts in it i think it's because

[18:15] they mentioned that so okay now she's stabbed and they're leaking oxygen oh boy the biologist

[18:20] the daughter of dr zhang suyin she leaves her young daughter on the station so she can use a

[18:24] sea glider to go after the sub statham shows up bonds with the precocious little girl for a moment

[18:30] and then makes his own dive he sets his submarine to extreme danger and then turns off the

[18:36] communication system even though they still work yeah he cracks open a bag of doritos slams a

[18:41] fucking powerade yeah he does the do and then just it just gets going but they make a big deal out

[18:47] he's like i'm diverting all the power to i don't know my boosters so i can drop faster they're

[18:52] like that's very dangerous he goes i'm cutting the comms but then his sub is fine and also they

[18:57] can still talk to him so it doesn't i don't get what was happening there can we i feel like this

[19:02] is a good time to address the quality of communication equipment in this movie they

[19:08] go deeper than anyone's ever gone before and they have crystal clear fucking comms audio and visual

[19:16] yeah it's wild they have better reception at the bottom of the ocean than you and i and dan have

[19:22] with this skype call like yeah yeah like and it but i mean maybe so what you're saying is that

[19:28] they should just start a podcast yeah it should be called uh i don't know they need first they

[19:34] need first they need three white guys uh and they have to send them to the bottom of the ocean to

[19:39] talk about i guess like unsolved crimes or like true life murders and they call it like and they

[19:45] call it like uh uh soggy corpse boys or something like that and they're like here's something that

[19:52] happened to real people and they it ruins their lives but we think it's kind of funny and we've

[19:57] never really dealt with too much conflict in our own life so we don't empathize with them anyway

[20:02] or maybe it's called like it's called like uh chapo sub house oh wow they're taking a shot

[20:08] they're underwater and they have very uh strong feelings about politics that are like not always

[20:15] rooted in fact but then who's on anyway so but uh they have a this movie it's so the technology in

[20:22] it is so shiny and so perfect that it made me wonder it looks more like uh star wars stuff

[20:29] like it looks like they're on what's the what's the cloning planet that they go to in the prequels

[20:33] you know it looks like they're on el camino and like they have just amazing shiny this is the

[20:40] shiniest movie about a shark like it's hard to be scared of anything when it's so brightly lit

[20:44] everywhere and everything is just so shiny and and new looking but they're being funded by rain

[20:51] willison the world's most unlikely billionaire yeah they never explain why he's a billionaire

[20:55] and he's also such a bumbling oath most of the time that it's like i mean like he's a caricature

[21:00] of like a billionaire who doesn't shave and wears t-shirts and stuff but it's the whole time i was

[21:05] like i don't i don't know what you had made money and i don't understand it yeah uh so we have a

[21:11] giant squid attack and then all of a sudden the giant squid gets killed and you're like what could

[21:16] kill a giant squid and statham says it's a it's a megalodon it's the meg it's a prehistoric shark

[21:23] and they're not really it's all pretty my note here is it's all pretty casual and not spooky

[21:27] or scary like there's no there's no real tension it's just like a squid ah here comes the shark

[21:33] oh it's a megalodon oh okay well we got this big shark to deal with what are we gonna do guys

[21:37] uh it's it's kind of tough because you don't you don't see it next to a normal style shark right

[21:43] away so at first i'm like that ain't that big that's actually that's a very good point the

[21:49] scale of the shark until the end of the movie i never really got a sense of how big it was

[21:54] for that reason there's not a lot to compare it to in the ocean and until the end when the shark

[22:00] seems to be about seven million feet long and it's just eating up an entire beachfront with

[22:05] its mouth like that's i mean this thing is like they should have made the shark so big that it

[22:09] was like eating islands and things like that then maybe it would be a little scary but it just seems

[22:13] like a slightly larger than average shark and not like yeah if it was so big that like people

[22:18] started worshiping it and then you had to deal with sea madness and somehow it would like it

[22:24] would spit out gold coins and then people would harvest those gold whatever you know yeah and the

[22:29] only way to kill it the only the only way to kill it is to jump up through its cloaca and get to one

[22:34] of its three hearts and uh you have to wrap a magic scroll that was blessed by a priest around

[22:40] it but when you're deep when you're deep inside its body time kind of slows down it enters a

[22:45] different dimension yeah yeah oh and your end the meg uses its its mega shark brain to send all of

[22:51] your own fears back at you and make you relive the worst moments of your life uh very uh like

[22:57] you know into the at the end of into the spider verse kind of that's basically what should happen

[23:01] inside the meg spoiler alert spoiler alert uh someone has to relive something at the end of

[23:06] the spider-verse uh jason statham he diverts the megalodon with by firing some flares off

[23:10] and suyin escapes back to the station great jonas pulls laurie into his sub uh and also a big guy

[23:16] called the wall uh but their other crew member toshi he sacrifices himself so he can get away

[23:22] they can get away played by the guy from heroes right yes yeah and so this was a moment where

[23:28] they lost one of their team

[23:30] literally because when they first

[23:32] open up the hatch, Jason stayed

[23:34] them like bullshits with his ex-wife for

[23:36] a little bit. They tell some

[23:38] fucking jokes. If they hadn't done that, they would have

[23:40] been fine. Yeah, there's a real

[23:42] lack of urgency

[23:44] with almost everything in the movie

[23:47] but also especially with this

[23:48] last minute rescue while they are afraid

[23:50] a giant shark might come back to them.

[23:52] Toshi

[23:55] is destroyed. I think the sub explodes

[23:57] again and suyin blames statham for toshi's death but dr heller apologizes to jonas because there

[24:03] was a giant shark he was wrong and he goes you may be crazy you may be a jerk but you're no coward

[24:09] but it seems like someone always has to be like one person has to be angry at jason statham at a

[24:14] time like they just subbed out one person for another person well that's the law of conservation

[24:19] of anger at jason statham yeah where anger at jason statham can neither be created nor destroyed

[24:24] There's a set amount of it in the universe, and it has to be passed from person to person.

[24:27] And that's why, by the end of the movie, spoiler alert, Suyin is now in a relationship kind of with Jason Statham.

[24:33] But that's because the anger had been passed to me, being angry at Jason Statham for being such a big star that I guess he could get this movie finally greenlit and made by being attached to it.

[24:43] The next day, Suyin apologizes to a just-showered Jason Statham who's wearing a towel, and his body, I have to say, is frankly horrifying to me.

[24:52] There's a certain point when somebody is – their muscles are so worked out that they no longer appear like a pleasing human shape.

[25:00] And I was like, how do I explain his body?

[25:02] Because I should say he's in really good shape, but he's not.

[25:04] He's healthy, but the shape of his body is not good.

[25:07] Like it has some – his abs have some kind of non-Euclidean geometry that I could not stare at for too long for fear that I would lose control of my sanity and become not but another gibbering victim of Jason Statham's abs.

[25:19] So did it strike you guys the same way or was it just me?

[25:22] I don't know. I mean, I took a picture, and that's going to be my inspirational photo I look at every time before I go to the gym.

[25:27] Oh, okay. That's fair. Then I apologize for what I said.

[25:30] No, you can feel that way. I mean, Elliot, sometimes you just have to suck it up and understand that's what an ideal male body looks like.

[25:38] I guess so. I just didn't realize that an ideal male body would be so, like, lumpy and veiny.

[25:43] Sharp?

[25:44] Yeah, very sharp.

[25:45] It's got to be super vascular.

[25:47] That's what we're all going for, is that vascular look.

[25:52] because we all want to look like Swamp Thing but colored pink.

[25:55] Yeah, start with Swamp Thing and work backwards.

[25:59] Yeah, so it's like I go to the gym and I'm talking to my personal trainer

[26:03] and they're like, do you have like an ideal image?

[26:05] And I show them Swamp Thing and I'm like, add a nose onto that.

[26:08] Because at first they start sweating.

[26:13] They're like, oh, fuck, how am I going to give him face tendrils?

[26:16] How am I going to remove his nose

[26:19] and also have all those rutabagas growing out of his shoulder?

[26:22] How am I going to how am I going to remove everything that actually makes him human and replace it with him being a sentient plant that just thinks he's human?

[26:31] Yeah. And they're like, OK, well, we have a work like we have soul cycle class that gets you in touch with the green.

[26:37] They're like, now, how open are you to just wearing a big rubber latex suit and pretending that it's your body?

[26:48] And I'm like, hey, whatever gets me the babes, am I right?

[26:51] And then I high-fived the personal trainer, and then he goes back to the office, and he's like, can somebody else handle this guy?

[26:57] Because I kind of –

[26:58] I'm not into his toxic masculinity.

[27:00] Exactly.

[27:01] I have moral reasons for not wanting to deal with this.

[27:03] And eventually it just becomes me being the guy who hangs out in the locker room wearing a T-shirt but no pants and just kind of like always stretching and just kind of maybe even rolling deodorant on my undercarriage in front of other guys.

[27:14] I do like the idea of a personal trainer who on the first like first session every time he's like, so we could work out or now stick with me.

[27:24] And then he pulls out one of those like fake muscle suits and he's like, you can just wear this.

[27:29] He's like, now, OK, you just got the you don't have the gold package.

[27:36] You just got the bronze package.

[27:38] So you don't get the full suit, but I'll help you arrange this pillow under your shirt.

[27:41] So it looks like pecs.

[27:42] And I'm like, it keeps falling and looking like a belly.

[27:44] Hey, man, upgrade to the silver package and maybe I can help you with it.

[27:48] Yeah, maybe people assume it's a gas tank for a love machine.

[27:51] So I assume that's what Jack LaLanne would do, right?

[27:56] Yeah.

[27:56] So anyway, Jack LaLanne's name in Spanish just means the lane.

[28:02] Oh, no kidding.

[28:03] Okay, cool.

[28:04] Wouldn't that be French?

[28:06] I mean, La L.A.

[28:08] Okay, yeah, you're right.

[28:10] Sorry, you're right.

[28:10] In French, though, it also means the lane.

[28:12] It's a cognate.

[28:13] So Suyin explains to everyone else what a Megalodon is with,

[28:16] I have to admit, some pretty boss illustrations of a Megalodon eating things.

[28:18] Yeah, I was like, what is this program that they're using?

[28:21] I mean, Google image search, I assume.

[28:24] They seem to have this queued up pretty quick.

[28:27] And while they're giving the speech about what the Megalodon is

[28:33] and how they have to do it for their fallen brother Toshi,

[28:36] there's a picture of Toshi in the upper corner of the screen.

[28:42] you gotta remember him just because they've already forgotten him uh now now we can learn

[28:48] so we've learned a couple of the members of the crew there's lori who's in the hospital now

[28:51] toshi deceased the wall who's a big fat guy with a ponytail uh the other person i think we haven't

[28:57] met yet is dj who is the black member of the crew and i'm just gonna call out guys there's a whole

[29:03] bit later about how he can't swim and he accuses someone else of being racist because he can't

[29:09] swim it doesn't make sense i'm not going to get into it i got into enough trouble on reddit when

[29:14] i mentioned it in the humanity bureau so i'm not going to mention how totally crazy that stereotype

[29:19] is they played into okay so rain wilson is like we need to go after that megalodon and make money

[29:25] off of it and jonas is like no the meg is unstoppable now the rest of the movie is proves

[29:32] jason statham wrong because the meg proves to be completely stoppable uh but also rain wilson gets

[29:37] proved wrong and i guess we'll see how he gets his comeuppance now well they argue but i'm also

[29:41] like i'm a little unsure what rain wilson thinks uh is marketable about the bag i mean maybe he

[29:48] thinks it's maybe he thinks it's full of blubber oil and he can sell it for lamps like yeah

[29:53] i mean it's not this is not like deep blue sea where they're searching for an alzheimer's cure

[29:58] by like enlarging sharks like there's there's no inherent value in a large shark here he's like

[30:04] imagine the size of that fin imagine how much soup at a chinese wedding i could be serving if

[30:09] i had a fin that size there's a and there's a around now is when they have a little sequence

[30:16] where the uh the granddaughter of the the head research guy uh my young i think is her name

[30:22] is wandering through the uh the glass lined tube hallways with her light up shoes and light up toy

[30:30] that looks like a bb-8 without a head and she's wearing little angel wings and she walks around

[30:36] and there's tons of shit just sitting around these hallways it's like blocking her toy

[30:40] and uh then we see floating up behind her behind the glass we got a creepy shark sneaking up on

[30:48] her and it's a giant megalodon face and then it bites the glass and it's awesome right yep totally

[30:55] totally cool and then i do like that we yeah we get like a little shark cam for a second where

[31:01] it's like the shark is sneaking up on her yeah yeah you're supposed to wonder who it is is that

[31:05] michael myers swimming through the water to get to the station uh dan before we get to the rest

[31:10] movie i i think there was a deleted i actually watched the dvd and there was a deleted scene

[31:15] that kind of explains how he was going to make money where rain wilson makes a secret phone call

[31:19] to there's like this this person who's in the shadows you can't see their face and they're

[31:24] like i need more cartilage get me more cartilage he was like i can get you a shark i need more

[31:29] cartilage than a regular shark and then hangs up and she turns it's meg ryan okay so that kind of

[31:35] explains how he's gonna make money off the meg and they were planning on throwing the title card up

[31:39] right there yeah yeah uh so and that's why there's also deleted scene at the very end where

[31:45] uh we learned that she is breeding megalodons and she turns the camera goes i'm the meg

[31:50] i'm the real meg and then she cocks a shotgun for some reason uh so while they're arguing

[31:57] the shark tries to eat my ying or my young i also forgot what her name is exactly uh that

[32:02] meg is just attacking boats now on the open seas because she's loose like a goose and she wrecks a

[32:08] shark poaching boat and the good guys find it and it's like they think there's some kind of like

[32:12] she did it on purpose for poetic justice i love it on knew it was a shark poaching boat i love the

[32:17] idea of turning the megalodon into that kind of like horror movie villain who's also kind of a

[32:22] hero like like yeah freddy krueger's bad but he also kills assholes sometimes well and he's getting

[32:29] revenge on being murdered although i guess he was murdered because he was a child molester

[32:33] really there's there's no there's no there's no good people in the nightmare on ellen street

[32:37] universe oh wow um except of course who uh his his his brother eddie krueger okay eddie and the

[32:47] Krueger's of the band Eddie and the Krueger's uh so uh now Jason Statham he's gotta swim up to the

[32:55] shark and hit it with a tracking dart the Meg almost eats him one of several times that the

[32:59] Meg almost eats him to the point where I think he's like yawn ho hum almost eaten by a shark

[33:04] uh Suyin goes down in a plastic shark tank to try to attract the Meg and shoot it full of poison

[33:09] but it tries to swallow the cage and uh Statham has to dive in and save her and you keep thinking

[33:15] the meg is finally going to eat one of these characters and up to this point it's you he like

[33:19] just will not do it there's oh i forgot there's another there's this woman who's like the hacker

[33:23] on on board ruby rose ruby rose yeah ruby rose who is like she's like your go-to person if you

[33:30] need like a cool assassin or a hacker or i don't know yeah a tattoo haver yeah she just kind of

[33:38] stepped out of johnny mnemonic i mean flop house listeners will remember her from triple x return

[33:42] of xander cage yes and and john wick two two shades of john wick yeah john wick two uh blue

[33:51] orchid uh or whatever it was and that so the wild orchid wild orchid what was the blue i'm thinking

[33:57] about blue jasmine oh what's blue jasmine john wick two blue jasmine which is about which is

[34:06] actually about john wick his mental breakdown because after his after he turns in his husband

[34:11] for insider trading or whatever it was.

[34:13] Okay, so once again, Jason Statham's got a saver

[34:17] and almost gets eaten by the Meg.

[34:19] Suyin and Jonas narrowly escape, but you know what?

[34:22] They catch the Meg.

[34:24] Then another Meg shows up.

[34:26] So there's more than one Meg, is I guess what I'm saying.

[34:29] They are actually, they catch the Meg

[34:33] and they have it rigged up on a chain

[34:34] and the wall is like taking a goofy novelty picture.

[34:38] Once again, the wall is the name of a character,

[34:40] not like a physical wall.

[34:42] It's not.

[34:43] They didn't hold up a copy of the album The Wall

[34:45] or anything like that.

[34:46] And it's not this wall we've been hearing about in the news

[34:49] all this time, topical.

[34:50] Anyway, and then another Meg shows up,

[34:54] capsizes the boat.

[34:55] DJ reveals he can't swim.

[34:57] The wall finally is dead,

[34:59] eaten by a shark like the giant meatball that he is.

[35:02] And the shark, let's be honest.

[35:07] Alan's like, he's fulfilled his destiny as a larger man to be eaten by a shark.

[35:13] Look, let me just say, a man that large has no right going into a submarine, which by its very nature is a confined space that does not have a lot of air in it, and two, going into the ocean where he is essentially just a floating meatball for a shark.

[35:27] I'm seeing the first day of his personal training, and the personal trainer's like, but now we might want to consider option C.

[35:35] Why don't we lean into being a meatball?

[35:38] All right.

[35:41] I guess put it on the internet.

[35:43] Elliot thinks larger people should be eaten by sharks.

[35:46] Dan, I didn't say that.

[35:47] I said larger people should not go into submarines.

[35:49] That's a different thing.

[35:50] And then also to a shark's point of view, let's say you're a shark, Dan.

[35:54] You're just swimming around.

[35:55] Let's say walking around.

[35:56] Just walking around like Jabberjaw on your tailpins.

[36:01] And you see a normal human shape and you're like, eh, doesn't look like food to me.

[36:07] And then you see kind of like a really big round guy.

[36:09] Jabberjaw would be like, ah, a meatball.

[36:12] Yuck, yuck, yuck.

[36:13] And go and eat it.

[36:14] And then he'd have human blood all over his face while he plays with the Neptunes when they're opening for Eddie and the Krugers in some kind of nostalgia tour.

[36:23] Elliot's trying really hard to convince us that larger people should be eaten like meatballs by sharks.

[36:28] I don't know if it's working.

[36:29] Now, why didn't Jabberjaw eat the other members of his band if he was going to eat any people?

[36:35] Like, they're right there.

[36:37] He's earned their trust, and now he can snap the trap.

[36:43] Do you know how long it took him to assemble just the right elements for that band?

[36:48] Oh, okay.

[36:50] It takes chemistry, it takes a shared sonic profile, but with a little bit of contrast.

[36:54] It takes getting characters who are very clearly knockoffs of the Scooby-Doo gang, because he didn't want to work that hard at it.

[37:00] At that point, if he's going to eat them, then where does his band go?

[37:05] Does he become a solo artist?

[37:06] You really think anyone's going to buy tickets to go see Jabberjaw just wailing on the drums by himself?

[37:10] He's not Ginger Baker, Dan.

[37:12] He's no Ginger Baker.

[37:13] He is a shark.

[37:17] So you're saying people would pay money to see a shark play the drums?

[37:20] Yeah.

[37:21] Okay, well, that's a solid, that's probably very true.

[37:25] Okay, I'll give you that.

[37:26] Also, let me keep in mind also the shark talks and he sounds like Curly from the Three Stooges.

[37:30] You think that would still be enough novelty for someone to pay for a ticket?

[37:33] What's that?

[37:37] Is there any additional novelty?

[37:39] Does occasionally a Martian character show up or a Captain Caveman?

[37:42] Oh, yeah, and he solves mysteries and maybe he's a wacky racer.

[37:46] I don't know.

[37:46] Yeah.

[37:47] So, like, at this point in the movie, we're about halfway through, and I think the movie's kind of leaning—I mean, I guess we now have characters really starting to die, but, like, it's also kind of leaning into this, like, rom-com subplot, right?

[38:05] Yeah, between Jason Statham and Suyin, where they're falling in love.

[38:09] meanwhile suyin's dad dr zhang he's injured he's that's not good and dr heller who hated

[38:16] jonas taylor all this time sacrifices himself to save ruby rose from the shark uh and this is the

[38:22] part where as stewart said the scariest thing happened in the movie i noticed there were still

[38:27] 40 minutes left in its runtime but yeah they'll take they'll have all these characters die and

[38:33] then they'll suddenly have the characters just kind of the living characters banter with each

[38:36] other like a bunch of characters die and the end ruby rose is soaked from being in the ocean almost

[38:41] eaten by a shark and dj is like hey what happened to your hair and i want her to be like did you

[38:45] just see what the hell happened to me i was almost eaten by a shark in the ocean and then a man gave

[38:50] his life to save me but then you'll have jonas the guy who at this point is probably more necessary

[38:57] than her because he like they specifically say we need a doctor and then the doctor's like

[39:02] my life is better given as a shark treat it's like yeah i better save this this uh hacker so

[39:08] she can be in other movies as a cool dude uh they all leave on speedboat rafts now and the speed

[39:15] boats were procured by uh jason statham's friend named mac which i think if you're gonna make a

[39:22] movie called the the meg probably not name another main character mac because they sound very similar

[39:29] So you're saying each time he said Mac, you thought he was talking directly to the Meg and asking her for help?

[39:33] You were like, they should have called this movie The Mac and been about him.

[39:38] There's never been no movies called that, right?

[39:41] Of course not.

[39:41] This is the studio note that Stewart would have given.

[39:44] He's just like, otherwise, script is perfect.

[39:47] Perfect.

[39:48] See, I think you should have steered into it.

[39:50] It should have been Mac, Mick, Nick, Rick, and also a character named Oleg.

[39:56] a character just named leg like legs diamond uh it's like it's like reading uh like reading fire

[40:04] and blood where you're like how many agons do i have to fucking read about how do i keep them all

[40:08] straight yeah exactly uh so uh rain wilson calls in a helicopter to shoot at the second meg with a

[40:18] with like an uzi that doesn't help dr zhang dies after a father-daughter moment where he recognizes

[40:23] is that he's proud of her

[40:24] and that she surpassed him

[40:26] in her science.

[40:26] Everyone is mourning

[40:28] and they want also,

[40:30] they're mourning

[40:30] and they also want Jonas

[40:31] to date Suyin.

[40:32] And he gives her

[40:34] the matrix of leadership

[40:35] at this point, right?

[40:36] And then she becomes

[40:38] Suyin Prime, I guess.

[40:40] Yeah, exactly.

[40:41] This is one of those scenes

[40:43] where it's like,

[40:44] the little girl is like,

[40:45] well, my grandfather died.

[40:46] Jonas, you gonna hit that?

[40:48] By which I mean my mom.

[40:49] She's thirsty.

[40:50] She's so thirsty.

[40:51] You think being around

[40:52] all this water she wouldn't be so thirsty but it's salt water she can't drink it also sex she

[40:57] wants your d jonas and jonas is like you're a little girl and your grandfather just died why

[41:01] are you talking to me like this and she's like i'm the kind of dirty talking little kid that

[41:05] people love in their movies she doesn't actually say that stuff but she does want jason statham

[41:09] to have sex with her mom uh meanwhile jermaine wilson is like okay guys let's not even deal with

[41:15] this anymore i've told the chinese government that there's an enormous prehistoric shark off

[41:19] at its coast they're sending some destroyers to attack it and they're like thank you rain wilson

[41:23] you're a good man despite being a capitalist he's not a good man he goes out in the middle of the

[41:27] night and has a helicopter throw bombs at the meg from the sky so that he can kill it and keep its

[41:33] teeth on his desk yeah now the reason he's keeping it secret by the way is he's like worried i guess

[41:38] about liability like he doesn't want to get sued and i i know that like their experiments i guess

[41:45] broke the thermal layer or whatever

[41:49] that was keeping the Meg down there,

[41:50] but I think it would be pretty hard

[41:51] to build a case against Rainn Wilson

[41:54] for a giant shark killing a bunch of people.

[41:57] Yeah, when Columbo shows up

[41:58] to do the forensics of this shit.

[42:00] Just one more question.

[42:02] You said you did not break the thermal barrier

[42:05] at the bottom of the Marriott's Trench,

[42:07] and yet your shoes from the night, in question,

[42:11] have thermal barrier on them.

[42:13] Yep.

[42:15] Well, that's just confusing to me.

[42:16] That's just confusing.

[42:16] Well, Lieutenant, I actually soak my shoes in thermal barrier, an unrelated thermal barrier, in order to keep the souls springy and strong.

[42:25] Oh, that makes sense.

[42:26] That makes sense.

[42:28] You're under arrest.

[42:29] But the other thing is on a project like this, you've got to assume people signed waivers.

[42:35] That, like, everyone who's going to a privately constructed underwater kingdom has to sign a waiver.

[42:42] The same way that, like, you know that any James Bond villain has their henchmen sign a shit ton of waivers so that they can't sue them when the British government sends their agent to destroy their underwater lair and everybody dies in it.

[42:54] Like, so the families can't sue Spectre or something like that.

[42:57] Like, there's no way that they didn't have waivers.

[42:59] So anyway, long story short, they think they killed the Meg.

[43:02] It turns out they killed a whale.

[43:04] The whole thing ends with Rainn Wilson falling off a boat and getting eaten.

[43:07] So our heroes decide.

[43:09] Yeah, it was great.

[43:10] Jason Statham, I guess, having seen that they could kill one Meg, is like, well, we've got to hunt down and kill this Meg.

[43:15] It's headed towards one of those busy beaches where people are dancing on floating platforms to loud music.

[43:22] And there's also a guy who's running on the top of the water in a giant inflatable ball.

[43:26] And he is having the time of his life.

[43:28] Guys, have you ever seen this thing?

[43:30] Like, is it really that fun?

[43:32] Dan?

[43:33] Have I seen it?

[43:34] Yeah, have you seen it?

[43:36] There was this movie, The Meg, that I watched.

[43:39] Have you ever seen someone's like a giant hamster ball running on top of the water?

[43:43] One, how does it work?

[43:45] Two, it doesn't seem that fun because the fun thing about going in the water is like

[43:49] feeling water on you and feeling the sun and the fresh air on you.

[43:53] And he is encased in what is essentially like a fart collecting globe that is teasing him

[43:58] with the ocean by not letting him in it.

[43:59] It looks like one of those balls that the people ride around in on Jurassic World, except

[44:03] you have to walk too.

[44:04] So it also, it takes Mustang a lot of energy to push it, but he's loving it.

[44:08] So is this guy the real villain of the Meg?

[44:10] I mean, he kind of does become the villain briefly,

[44:13] but the, and it's also a, it's a beach

[44:17] that's so crowded with people that I,

[44:20] everyone's having the time of their life,

[44:22] but it seems like it would be terrible.

[44:23] Maybe that's just the curmudgeon in me talking,

[44:28] the one who doesn't want to go to a beach

[44:29] crowded with people trying to swim,

[44:31] even though there's tons of people

[44:33] surrounding me all the time.

[44:34] Yeah, it's-

[44:35] I mean, when you go to a crowded beach,

[44:37] You don't usually, though, encounter people being like,

[44:40] whoa, it's me.

[44:41] This is horrible.

[44:43] Like, outwardly, people are still having fun.

[44:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[44:46] They're faking it until they're making it.

[44:48] Yeah.

[44:49] Yeah.

[44:50] They are, I don't know,

[44:53] they seem pretty tightly packed together, though.

[44:55] It's like a Tokyo subway train full of beachgoers.

[44:59] Like, that tightly packed.

[45:00] Have you ever been to a beach

[45:02] where there are people dancing on floating platforms?

[45:04] Dan?

[45:05] No, I have not.

[45:07] I'm going to have to confirm here, guys.

[45:08] I have not been to one of those beaches.

[45:09] I'm kind of convinced that maybe they only exist in movies.

[45:13] Because every movie where there's a lake or a beach or something,

[45:16] there's always a party where people are dancing on a floating platform

[45:19] in their bathing suit, but they're not wet.

[45:21] So they're not swimming.

[45:23] I don't know how they got to the platform.

[45:24] And also, how is that fun to just be dancing on a floating platform

[45:28] instead of swimming?

[45:29] I mean, I can only assume that they're shooting an episode of MTV's

[45:34] The Grind or something.

[45:36] Wait, that's the premise of Piranha 3D, right?

[45:38] Yeah, they're shooting, it's spring break at the lake

[45:42] and they're shooting like a Girls Gone Wild type movie.

[45:44] Yeah, okay, okay.

[45:45] Anyway, I mean, the premise of Piranha 3D

[45:49] is that piranhas are going to eat Jerry O'Connell's dick

[45:51] and then spit it out at the camera.

[45:52] Yeah, that's true.

[45:55] And it delivers on that promise.

[45:57] Yeah, so the movie hits us with a bunch of beach gags,

[46:00] then Meg shows up to ruin everybody's good time,

[46:03] People are fleeing.

[46:04] They try to get onto a floating dock for safety.

[46:06] So, of course, Meg attacks it.

[46:08] But before Meg can eat an annoying kid who has a popsicle in his hand, our heroes lure it away with a recording of a whale song.

[46:15] And Jonas, using his underwater glider, leads it on a merry chase.

[46:19] And then they want to hit it with torpedoes.

[46:22] That doesn't work.

[46:23] A helicopter smashes into the boat for no reason that I could figure out.

[46:27] And after a lot of running, Jonas manages to use his glider's dorsal fin to slice open Meg's belly, and then he stabs a harpoon into Meg's eye with his bare hands.

[46:37] Yeah, that was awesome.

[46:37] As Meg leaps out of the water, and Meg-

[46:40] He goes, from hell's heart, I stab at thee!

[46:42] Uh-huh.

[46:43] But he says it with his accent, so Stuart, what did that sound like?

[46:48] From hell's heart, I stab at thee!

[46:51] Okay, I guess so.

[46:54] So he's kind of like a drunk mall Santa Claus doing this?

[46:58] It's like a gravelly rock man voice.

[47:01] But yeah, the giant slice down the Meg's belly doesn't kill the Meg.

[47:07] It's only when he stabs him in the eye, like by hand.

[47:11] And I don't think either of those things kill the Meg, Dan.

[47:14] It's when a swarm of sharks show up.

[47:16] Its smaller kin show up to devour its weakened, bloody body.

[47:21] drawn for a second for a second Jason Statham's like feed my friends and then one of them turns

[47:27] and is like I'm gonna eat you Jason Statham and then luckily Suying shows up and pushes it out

[47:32] of the way with her cool glider that looks a lot like the Naboo spacecrafts in Star Wars Phantom

[47:37] Menace uh it totally this whole movie is basically like somebody watched the opening uh the opening

[47:44] underwater chase in the beginning of Star Wars Phantom Menace and was like let's just stretch

[47:49] out and make a whole movie of there's always

[47:51] a bigger fish joke. I mean, that

[47:53] was the whole section with the squid

[47:55] and the shark.

[47:56] I'm like, oh, from Star Wars.

[47:58] They stole this from Star Wars.

[48:00] And the whole section with the squid and the whale

[48:02] where Suyin

[48:05] is talking about her divorce. That's basically

[48:07] stolen from the squid and the whale, which is

[48:09] a story about divorce.

[48:09] There's also the part that was

[48:13] stolen from, that's another movie with

[48:15] squid in the title.

[48:15] It's the squid

[48:18] billies yeah the part where they're all like rednecks shooting shotguns at each other was

[48:23] stolen from squid billies uh and they all escape in the end i wish that the meg when it was being

[48:30] eaten by the other sharks was like no but i saved you from the poachers no uh they all escape on a

[48:37] wedding boat and it says finn at the end because i assume it's a joke because sharks have fins

[48:43] but it feels like the ultimate fuck you from the filmmakers to end the meg with a with a french

[48:50] title card as if they're as if they were like and now touch a class yeah i mean the the i think the

[48:57] last shot of the movie is we see a tiny little dog that had escaped a wedding boat uh and we

[49:04] had thought had been devoured by the meg is in fact alive pippin you survived hooray yeah and

[49:10] jason statham sees it as if to say hey if that dog can keep going in the face of megalodons

[49:15] maybe i can too or he was like i've killed well not anything that's swum in these waters but i

[49:23] haven't killed a tiny little dog yet and he just stabs in the eye and then there's just 10 minutes

[49:31] of credits so guys uh i'm gonna say something this is a corollary i think to dan's uh when

[49:38] things get too big they stop being scary long i think when things are too cgi they stop being

[49:44] scary too to me when they when they feel like more and more divorced from reality yes exactly

[49:50] again squid in the whale yeah yeah uh yeah we're we're in there it's final judgment's time whether

[49:58] this is we're in there whether this is like the belly of the shark i'm pretty sure we're in the

[50:03] cut at this point we're in the cut with meg ryan cartilage monster uh is this a good bad movie a

[50:10] bad bad movie or a movie kind of liked um i guess i'll start i i don't know yeah dan give us so

[50:18] let's gather around younglings and hear what dan has to say uh sit at his feet and gaze upon the

[50:25] fire and within its crackling sparks you shall see illustrations of the manly tale of adventure

[50:30] end meg watching that dan has to relate this legend of the before times there was a hero some

[50:36] known as some remember no as meg uh this was not a good bad movie it was not like in like stupid in

[50:47] a way that made me laugh for the most part other than like there were some there were some there

[50:51] were some good lines like uh someone at one point said i'm gonna need some proof at this one someone

[50:56] said that fossil ate my friend which is pretty good yeah that's pretty good that's um uh i didn't

[51:04] think it was bad bad necessarily i don't know like i i i don't know by process of elimination i kind

[51:10] of like this movie a little bit but process of eliminate well because you mean because it doesn't

[51:14] really fit into this these kind of bs categories that we've yeah exactly i mean it it went down

[51:20] smoother than a lot of the movies we watched i'll say that uh it it was a movie that was so i mean

[51:26] for me i would say similarly it was not funny enough to be good bad it was not bad and it was

[51:32] like i would call it bad bad because i have to but it's just kind of there like it's a movie that

[51:37] just kind of exists and was so kind of dull to me that i didn't have it was hard for me to have an

[51:43] opinion on it and while i was watching it i was like what are we going to talk about with this

[51:46] movie it's just kind of like it feels just like a big budget sci-fi channel original movie which is

[51:51] like as far it's the kind of movie where it's like well i'm sick home from school guess i'll watch

[51:56] this and it'll be fine yeah uh yeah and it's like two hours long so that'll help pass the hours

[52:03] before you die um yeah if that's what you're looking for yeah in the market for yeah and

[52:10] grandma's in hospice care put on the meg well it's literally like a dr kevorkian shows up at your

[52:15] house yeah you're like let's show let's show to grandma because it's not gonna quicken her heart

[52:21] rate any yeah well i was thinking like he shows up and you're like oh jack finally my life is i'm

[52:26] in pain it's such a hell hook me up to the machine and he's like actually it's gonna take me about

[52:30] two hours to set up the machine all right throw the mag on the uh i don't know i i gotta say this

[52:38] was a movie i kind of liked guys uh it's too long it doesn't need to be two hours long that's insane

[52:44] yeah um and it like it doesn't really take itself too seriously you could probably edit out any of

[52:50] the moments where the movie does kind of try and take itself seriously um and it i mean it's it's

[52:56] pretty boring uh i kind of wish that uh going through the the imdb uh you know like factual

[53:04] errors that plague this movie somebody pointed out that if the meg had been living below uh below

[53:11] the water level at like 10 000 feet or whatever that if it rose up to the surface its body couldn't

[53:17] handle the change in pressure and it would just like melt i'm like that wouldn't have made a very

[53:23] good movie but i kind of wish that had happened i wish i like there must be one where it's like

[53:28] it's like factual errors goofs the megalodon is actually extinct yeah uh now this is something

[53:36] i'm just learning now looking up the wikipedia entry is that i didn't realize that the meg the

[53:40] original novel it is now a series and so there's meg primal waters there's the trench which is

[53:47] meg to the trench meg primal waters i'm going to skip one that has the best title come back to it

[53:52] meg origins which is a prequel that i guess explains how the meg became giant i don't know

[53:56] it's all started with a dinosaur shark meg generations something called meg purgatory

[54:02] and the best one is called meg hell's aquarium

[54:05] so like i would if the movie lived up to the names of those novels then i'd be like

[54:12] yeah throw it on i mean my my old roommate used to keep a an aquarium that she had her turtles in

[54:18] and she never fucking cleaned the thing and it stunk all to hell and i feel like that's hell's

[54:23] aquarium it's she it got so gross that she would just leave the turtles in the uh in the bathtub

[54:29] and my other roommate got

[54:32] some kind of foot fungus from it.

[54:34] I didn't

[54:36] because my feet are naturally resilient

[54:38] to turtle fungus.

[54:39] That's your super power.

[54:42] Not to brag. I hate to brag, guys.

[54:44] That's one of your powers.

[54:45] That's on his

[54:48] Marvel card.

[54:49] It's one of the first things I bring up

[54:52] when I meet new people.

[54:53] So is it a good bad movie? A bad bad movie?

[54:58] I said a movie I kind of liked.

[55:00] A movie you kind of liked.

[55:01] Dan, what do you think?

[55:03] I've already scone.

[55:05] This is why I think maybe my favorite bit is making Dan do the thing over again.

[55:09] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[55:10] Shut up.

[55:12] Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring actors like Patton Oswalt.

[55:27] so the vampire from the future

[55:29] sleeps in the dude's studio during the day

[55:32] and they hunt monsters at night.

[55:33] It's Blade meets the Odd Couple.

[55:36] Adam Scott and Jane Levy.

[55:39] Come on, Corey.

[55:40] She's too serious, too business-y.

[55:43] She doesn't know the hokey pokey.

[55:44] Won't she learn what it's all about?

[55:47] Busy Phillips and Dave Koechner.

[55:50] Baby, this is family.

[55:52] My Uncle Tell,

[55:54] who showed his wiener to Cinderella

[55:56] at Disneyland, is family.

[55:57] Do you want him staying with us?

[55:59] He did stay with us for three months.

[56:01] And he was a delight.

[56:03] A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society for maximum fun.

[56:08] Hey, it's Jesse, the host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne.

[56:13] I'm coming to Portland, Oregon.

[56:15] We're going to be doing a very special live episode of Bullseye, my NPR interview show.

[56:21] It's taking place Friday, February 15th at Revolution Hall.

[56:26] What are you going to see if you go to Portland, Oregon to see this show?

[56:29] You will see me live on stage talking with folks like Corin Tucker from Slater Kinney,

[56:33] director Lance Bangs, writer Bill Oakley, Simpsons legend.

[56:37] We will also have live music from Roseblood and live comedy from Katie Nguyen.

[56:42] It's going to be a blast and a half.

[56:45] It's also part of a big podcast festival called Listen Up Portland.

[56:47] Tons of other great podcasts are playing at it, too.

[56:50] Our pals the Doughboys, among others.

[56:52] So, again, that's Friday, February 15th at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, 7 p.m.

[56:57] Tickets are on sale now.

[56:59] Get them at ListenUpPortland.com.

[57:02] And thanks.

[57:03] All right, now let's do an ad.

[57:10] How about that?

[57:10] Let's do an ad.

[57:11] Why not?

[57:12] That sounds great.

[57:12] Let's keep the lights on around this piece.

[57:14] Just for fun.

[57:14] Hey.

[57:16] Hey, Dan, what's up?

[57:18] Hey, what's up?

[57:19] Hey, how you doing?

[57:20] You have a product you want to tell me about?

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:21] All right.

[57:22] The product this time is Squarespace.

[57:24] Oh, cool.

[57:25] Awesome.

[57:26] With Squarespace, you can create a beautiful website to sell, promote products and services of all kinds, promote your physical or online business, announce an upcoming event or special project.

[57:39] And here's the most important bullet point, Elliot, and more.

[57:43] Wow.

[57:44] That encompasses literally everything else.

[57:47] So much.

[57:48] Everything from evolving to the next stage of human evolution, Lucy style, to just taking a particularly satisfying boob on the toilet.

[57:57] That's more.

[57:58] Smell the scent of newly mown grass or finally catching a unicorn.

[58:06] And how does Squarespace do this?

[58:09] Well, they do this by giving you beautiful, customizable templates created by world-class designers, powerful e-commerce functionality that lets you sell anything online.

[58:18] analytics that help you grow in real time,

[58:20] built-in search engine optimization,

[58:22] nothing to patch or upgrade ever,

[58:25] 24-7 award-winning customer support.

[58:28] Hey, make it stand out with a beautiful website from Squarespace.

[58:31] And listen, head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[58:36] And when you're ready to launch,

[58:37] use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[58:43] Now, Elliot.

[58:43] Dan, why are you shouting at us?

[58:45] Yeah, you seem really mad at us.

[58:47] This is usually when you come up with a nonsense website, and I'm going to encourage you to do that right now so I can run to the restroom, which I desperately need to do.

[58:57] So why don't you come up with a nonsense website and then read that Jumbotron I gave to you.

[59:02] But Dan, I don't have anything.

[59:03] Maybe you should go on to your next part.

[59:04] No, no, no.

[59:05] I've got to go.

[59:06] No, I do have a website, Dan.

[59:07] In fact, I'd just love to talk about.

[59:08] So here's the thing.

[59:11] We've got a problem with cartilage.

[59:14] We don't have enough of it.

[59:16] We don't have enough of it for the one specific reason.

[59:19] Elliot, Elliot, Elliot, Dan's gone.

[59:21] We can just talk about something else.

[59:22] It's not that big a deal.

[59:23] No, no, I do have a website I want to talk about.

[59:25] So I wanted to start a website called www.therealmeg.com.

[59:30] And, of course, it's about Meg Ryan, the real Meg,

[59:33] the one that I care about the most,

[59:34] and that coverage that she needs so badly that Dan was talking about.

[59:38] Elliot, Elliot, Dan's not here anymore.

[59:40] He's in the bathroom.

[59:41] We can talk about normal stuff.

[59:43] We don't have to talk about bits.

[59:45] Dan, how have you been lately?

[59:48] What's more normal than needing cartilage in your body?

[59:50] And who needs it more than Meg Ryan?

[59:53] Now, Stuart, what would I tell you if I said there was actually a cartilage shortage in America today?

[59:58] I mean, we don't have to do this.

[1:00:01] We can just be normal.

[1:00:03] You'd be horrified.

[1:00:04] And so that's why Meg Ryan and I have teamed up for TheRealMeg.com, which is a website where people can buy, sell, trade, and learn the news about the cartilage we need to remain superstars forever.

[1:00:19] Now, Stuart.

[1:00:20] I mean, we're like friends.

[1:00:22] We don't have to run bits the whole time.

[1:00:24] We don't see each other that much anymore, so maybe we could.

[1:00:28] There's another one that I want to talk about, which was, this is a website that I was interested in, hoping that Squarespace can help me with it, which is called www.sharkware.com.

[1:00:40] Now, sharkware.com, what do you think it is from the name?

[1:00:45] I don't know, like clothes with images of sharks on them?

[1:00:49] Okay, you got it exactly right.

[1:00:51] That's exactly what it is.

[1:00:52] Now, it's a website that helps you locate stores that sell clothes with sharks on them.

[1:00:59] So it's a little bit of a pun on the word wear.

[1:01:01] So at Shark Wear.

[1:01:03] That's actually a pretty good idea.

[1:01:04] Let me keep it clear that at SharkWear.com, we do not sell shark-based clothing, but we

[1:01:09] do help you locate shark-based clothing so that you can buy it.

[1:01:12] And there's a place where you can put in tips for maybe there's a place you know that has

[1:01:16] shark-based clothing.

[1:01:17] There's a place where you can put in your stories, share your pictures and stories of

[1:01:21] buying or wearing

[1:01:22] these images of sharks on them.

[1:01:24] People love social media.

[1:01:25] Yeah.

[1:01:26] So sharkwear.com

[1:01:29] has a really heavy

[1:01:29] social media component.

[1:01:31] Guys,

[1:01:31] there's another website

[1:01:32] I want to talk about.

[1:01:33] Okay.

[1:01:34] It's called

[1:01:34] www.megandtheholograms.

[1:01:36] Uh-huh.

[1:01:37] Yeah.

[1:01:37] Now,

[1:01:37] guys,

[1:01:38] we all love

[1:01:39] jamming the holograms.

[1:01:40] What wouldn't be better

[1:01:41] if a member of the band

[1:01:42] was a giant shark?

[1:01:43] Now,

[1:01:43] I know what you're thinking.

[1:01:44] Yeah,

[1:01:45] I guess that'd be better.

[1:01:45] That's Jabberjaw.

[1:01:46] And you're right.

[1:01:47] It's really

[1:01:48] www.jabberjawandtheholograms.com

[1:01:52] Educating people about how much better Jem and the Holograms would have been

[1:01:55] if Jabberjaw was-

[1:01:56] I'm back.

[1:01:57] You don't need to vamp this much.

[1:01:58] It's fine.

[1:01:59] I appreciate the effort.

[1:02:01] No problem.

[1:02:02] I got a Jumbotron to read.

[1:02:03] Now that Dan's back.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

[1:02:04] J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Jumbotron.

[1:02:06] This Jumbotron is a special personal message from someone to someone.

[1:02:11] And those people are not named Meg.

[1:02:13] Segway accomplished.

[1:02:15] This message is for Robert, and this message is from Nicole.

[1:02:18] And Robert says,

[1:02:19] Even though life took you to Kansas, I'm glad we still keep in touch.

[1:02:22] I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you and the wonderful person you have become.

[1:02:26] No matter where life takes you, we will always be connected through quoting Seinfeld, sharing terrible memes, and our favorite bad movie, Wayne's World.

[1:02:33] Happy birthday and see you soon.

[1:02:35] Now, keep in mind that message is not endorsed by me and that I don't think Wayne's World is a bad movie.

[1:02:40] But otherwise, I endorse people keeping in contact even when they go to Kansas.

[1:02:46] even then uh yeah that was that was a nice message it was robert i may take issue with

[1:02:52] your your opinion of wayne's world but otherwise spot on keep it going and if you ever need to

[1:02:58] find clothes with sharks on them i have a website you might want to look at or if you think jamming

[1:03:02] the holograms might have been better with jabber jaw in it another website or if you desperately

[1:03:05] need cartilage meg ryan and i have a website for you is this just continuing your thing about never

[1:03:10] making fun of mike myers on the uh on the podcast because someday you hope to meet him and talk

[1:03:15] about hockey and stuff guys he's married to an ex-murderer i'm scared i live in fear uh dan do

[1:03:24] we have any other uh uh sponsors or should i get to our upcoming shows yeah you can plug our live

[1:03:30] shows if you'd like we got some live shows on the calendar that cue janine saying we got one

[1:03:37] dan put that in on the soundboard okay edit it just edit it in janine from ghostbusters going

[1:03:42] we got one and then i just have janine from ghostbusters farting on the soundboard actually

[1:03:47] does that happen no i special ordered that did you sneak into annie potts's house to record that

[1:03:54] look we all have our things elliot do you think annie potts has a little placard on her bathroom

[1:04:02] and it says annie potts pot no i think anything would be in her kitchen on the cabinet

[1:04:08] or on her marijuana she goes to the bathroom in her kitchen

[1:04:12] she's like me

[1:04:16] guys sometimes when you share a bathroom with the person in your life and they're in there and you

[1:04:25] just have to go sometimes you see and you're like you're doing a little dance and you think you got

[1:04:30] to go sometimes that uh kitchen sink looks mighty inviting you know what i mean yeah sometimes you

[1:04:36] gotta go where everybody prepares their food anyway if i was singing that still the food

[1:04:43] would then rhyme with rude and so forth uh so i like the idea that's what you're like i'm

[1:04:48] considered of my wife so instead of stinking up the bathroom i use the kitchen no i'm saying that

[1:04:54] she's in the bathroom okay so we got one and by the way i mean two shows on the books right now

[1:05:00] we'll have more coming up soon to tell you about but soon after this episode leaps out of your

[1:05:06] body into your it leaps out of the internet into your body and it leaps out of your body

[1:05:11] chestburster style killing you in front of uh sigourney weaver and bronica cartwright

[1:05:16] and the cast of space balls right before you say check please saturday january 26th in madison

[1:05:26] wisconsin at the university of wisconsin it's going to be a really fun show we're going to

[1:05:29] be talking about venom oh yeah we're going to be in badger country am i going to do a presentation

[1:05:35] about badgers uh maybe uh on sunday february 3rd we're gonna be back at our old homestead

[1:05:42] in brooklyn the bell house now i know what you're saying that's super bowl sunday aren't you guys

[1:05:47] worried you're gonna miss the game my brother has already assured me he will text me updates

[1:05:51] during the show about what's happening in the big game so look forward to that we'll be talking

[1:05:56] about the happy time murder this super bowl sunday if you want to score a real touchdown

[1:06:02] you'll come to our show

[1:06:04] go

[1:06:05] if you want to hit a real

[1:06:09] home run into the negative

[1:06:11] zone come to our show

[1:06:12] on Super Bowl Sunday

[1:06:14] if you want to do a real

[1:06:16] whatever it is they do in Highline

[1:06:18] come to our show

[1:06:20] we're going to be talking about the happy time

[1:06:23] murders it's got Melissa McCarthy

[1:06:24] it's got puppets it's got

[1:06:26] us talking about those things

[1:06:28] I mean Melissa McCarthy and the puppets

[1:06:31] will not be at the show we will just be conjuring them with our words painting yeah yeah i mean you

[1:06:38] don't have to you don't have to yeah you don't have to tell them that there's a chance they

[1:06:40] could show up maybe melissa mccarthy will be in town she'll be like oh i you know i was in that

[1:06:44] movie i'd love to hear what they have to say about it and she'll show up uh and maybe she'll be happy

[1:06:48] with what we have to say i haven't seen the movie yet maybe we'll like it guys um yeah there's always

[1:06:54] Look, Hope Springs Eternal.

[1:06:55] I mean, I kind of like the Meg.

[1:06:58] I mean, Jesus.

[1:06:59] Yeah, obviously,

[1:07:01] it doesn't have standards.

[1:07:02] You know, you don't like anything.

[1:07:03] I like all kinds of bullshit.

[1:07:04] And not a show,

[1:07:07] but again, just want to remind people,

[1:07:08] my book, Horse Meets Dog,

[1:07:10] in stores now.

[1:07:11] Children's book, it's by me,

[1:07:12] illustrated by Tim Miller,

[1:07:14] Horse Meets Dog.

[1:07:14] Dan, what do we do next on this show?

[1:07:16] Do you guys have anything you want to plug?

[1:07:18] Dan, do you work for a TV show or anything?

[1:07:19] Sure.

[1:07:21] Continue to watch The Daily Show.

[1:07:23] and if you haven't watched it why not start and then always when you're watching it with someone

[1:07:29] else just pause it when they have the credits where they say the writers names and then you

[1:07:33] you point to the screen and tell the person you're watching it with that's dan mccoy from

[1:07:37] the podcast yeah yeah and then just masturbate furiously oh wow yeah yes why not i mean you know

[1:07:44] you deserve a little bit of joy in your life no uh and not while they watch dan you wait till you

[1:07:48] can do it in private yeah uh i will recommend my bar hinterland's bar in kensington brooklyn

[1:07:55] uh i'm there on friday nights most of the time you can come see me

[1:08:01] so dan what do we do next on this podcast next week no no there's two more segments

[1:08:08] uh-huh uh the two lesser popular segments of the show oh wow uh this is the first of those two

[1:08:16] it's called letters from listeners like you and this first one is from hey guys let's ask ourselves

[1:08:25] how many letters will we answer tonight i'm gonna say maybe three because there's three

[1:08:31] letters in meg m-e-g that's three that's three m is for the meg and e is for every meg out there

[1:08:40] you're great and g is for a great the word i use to describe the meg that's three letters m e g

[1:08:46] that's me that's three letters for you and me oh wait i forgot the title of the movie is the meg

[1:08:54] and the has three more letters in it t that's for the h that's for hey it's the meg e that's for

[1:09:05] extra meg because there's really more than one meg in the movie it should have been called the megs

[1:09:11] because there's really one more meg than you thought there'd be but they didn't go as far as

[1:09:17] three even though that's the number of letters in meg and the number of letters will probably

[1:09:23] answer tonight on the flop house which has a lot of letters in it i can't count that high i don't

[1:09:30] know i don't know how many letters are in the name the flop house except i know that the has three

[1:09:36] t stands for the flop house h stands for hey it's the flop house and e stands for every flop house

[1:09:45] there's just this one just this one great flop house for you and me and dan and stew and me and

[1:09:52] you three letters tonight the meg thank you elliot i guess dan your words say thank you but your tone

[1:10:02] says go away this first letter is from karsten last name withheld karsten daily yeah hey karsten

[1:10:13] writes i found that there are certain sources i tend to pull heavily from while writing adventures

[1:10:18] for my D&D players.

[1:10:19] I steal plenty of fantasy...

[1:10:21] Stuart, I'll handle this one.

[1:10:22] I steal plenty of fantasy elements

[1:10:25] from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels

[1:10:27] and plenty of encounter scenarios

[1:10:29] from 80s action movies.

[1:10:30] Are there any genres or works of art

[1:10:32] you find yourself not only drawing inspiration from,

[1:10:34] but full-on stealing from in your creative work?

[1:10:37] Karsten, last name withheld.

[1:10:39] No one's jumping in, so I'll start.

[1:10:44] There's...

[1:10:46] I wrote a...

[1:10:47] We're thinking about our answers, Dan.

[1:10:49] Yeah.

[1:10:49] We're thinking about our answers.

[1:10:50] Well, you wrote that screenplay ripoff of that Justin Long movie, right?

[1:10:54] No, I wrote a screenplay and then it turned out to be similar

[1:10:58] to the premise of a Justin Long movie.

[1:10:59] Wait, which one was that?

[1:11:00] Oh, wait, I never wrote it.

[1:11:05] I was going to write it.

[1:11:06] It was about an office where people who were out of work

[1:11:12] could go and pretend that they had a job.

[1:11:14] Oh.

[1:11:16] And it was kind of like, what was it called?

[1:11:19] Accepted?

[1:11:21] Accepted.

[1:11:22] I mean, you also, you did write a screenplay

[1:11:25] that was a comedy set during a bachelor party,

[1:11:27] which, are there any movies like that?

[1:11:29] Okay.

[1:11:30] I mean, that isn't necessarily straight up stealing

[1:11:34] like this guy's talking about.

[1:11:35] It's just derivative.

[1:11:36] Good point, good point.

[1:11:38] When do you steal in your work?

[1:11:41] I wrote a spec pilot about a theater program at a small college.

[1:11:48] And when I was writing the character of the dean, I basically just thought of Jimmy James from news radio.

[1:11:55] And I was like, this character is great.

[1:11:59] I'm just stealing it.

[1:12:00] And the thing is, like, you know, it's filtered through your own voice.

[1:12:04] So you never end up like fully.

[1:12:07] Especially when you're doing Jimmy James cosplay.

[1:12:10] You know, at a certain point, it's just Steven Root cosplay.

[1:12:13] Yeah.

[1:12:14] But I think that when you, you know, you put your own spin on it.

[1:12:17] So it turns out being something unique almost by accident.

[1:12:22] Well, there's someone, there's a thing that I think Picasso said, or he said something along the lines of it, which is that you copy something and you botch it up.

[1:12:30] And in the botch, that's where you find yourself.

[1:12:33] Yeah.

[1:12:33] Like in how you don't accomplish the copy, that's where you find your own style and your own point of view.

[1:12:40] and bosh is found on amazon prime is that a sponsored thing what is that about i don't

[1:12:47] know what that movie is that show about hieronymus bosh like but it's set nowadays

[1:12:51] yeah he solves crimes what a great show that would be so what he does he paints pictures

[1:12:56] and it's in the paintings that he all the mysteries are revealed i mean hieronymus

[1:13:01] bosh is basically just like grown-up where's waldo right yep yep that's that's how i i learned

[1:13:07] it when i went to art school what if they did a show that's like hieronymus bosch but now and he

[1:13:12] paints the garden of earthly delights and shows it to a gallery owner and they're like yeah

[1:13:15] so i guess hundreds of years old like yeah you're like i see him he's right there

[1:13:20] so waldo is is one of those demons right uh i'll say that i try not to steal but of course i'm in

[1:13:28] i there's the stuff i work on is inspired by all sorts of stuff and i'm currently working on a show

[1:13:34] that's about a it's set uh in the white house and it's this president named jed called dave

[1:13:43] and his president jed bartlett it has a heart attack and so dave bartlett has to take over

[1:13:49] and he's like an everyman who happens to have the same last name sounds a lot like king ralph to me

[1:13:54] and then he becomes the king of england you didn't let me get to that part yet okay uh

[1:13:59] And also there's a murder at 1600.

[1:14:03] Oh, wow.

[1:14:04] But he is presumed innocent.

[1:14:07] But he has absolute power.

[1:14:08] Yeah, exactly.

[1:14:09] He has absolute power.

[1:14:10] And eventually they welcome him to Mooseport.

[1:14:12] Oh, okay.

[1:14:14] But I'm currently developing a show that I hope to be pitching soon.

[1:14:19] So hopefully I'll be able to announce it someday as a real show.

[1:14:22] And I've been getting a lot of inspiration from the work of the artist Rick Bartow.

[1:14:28] So he was a painter who died a few years ago and a sculptor.

[1:14:33] So that's inspiration.

[1:14:35] I'm trying not to steal too directly, but there's imagery in his work that I'm finding is very heavily influencing me in the way I'm thinking about this thing I'm working on now.

[1:14:43] And yeah, I mean, there was a time, I don't know if I'd still do it as much, but there was a time when a lot of the role-playing adventures I was creating,

[1:14:55] I was, you know, I was taking inspiration and probably borrowing some stuff from the books of fantasy and sci-fi author Dan Abnett, who I think I've mentioned on the podcast before.

[1:15:07] And comical guy.

[1:15:08] He's one of the two men who made the Guardians of the Galaxy moviable.

[1:15:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:15:13] I mean, I'm mainly referring to his prose, not his Warhammer stuff.

[1:15:19] Because he was able to take stuff that was, he's able to, with a lot of his Warhammer stuff, he was able to add like depth and nuance and whatnot to a bunch of statistics, basically.

[1:15:33] To take it above the level of basic, you know, like, I don't know, like commissioned writing or whatever.

[1:15:42] So it's not like those Magic the Gathering novels that came out in the 90s.

[1:15:45] I mean, I can't make any comment on that.

[1:15:47] The last time I made fun of stuff like that, I was in Forbidden Planet making fun of, I made like some dumb bullshit joke about how they had so many charmed novels.

[1:15:56] And the guy behind the register is like, man, we pay our fucking rent with charmed novels.

[1:16:02] And that shut me up.

[1:16:04] I'm like, okay, well, I'm a fucking idiot.

[1:16:06] Yeah, well, maybe then I'll mention, I'll compare it then to the Mortal Kombat novel that I read when I was a kid, which was not very good.

[1:16:13] Did you finish it?

[1:16:17] I did, but it was hardly flawless.

[1:16:19] Also, friendship.

[1:16:22] But I think it's okay to steal directly when it's a Dungeons & Dragons campaign.

[1:16:28] I mean, it's one thing to steal professionally, to be a sort of, like, cat burglar of ideas.

[1:16:33] Yeah.

[1:16:34] And then I think it's not okay.

[1:16:35] But if you're doing something just for fun, like, have Mickey Mouse show up.

[1:16:39] Like, why not?

[1:16:40] Like, just steal left and right, you know?

[1:16:43] If you're not trying to make money off of it, then go ahead.

[1:16:47] I think Disney's lawyers would still show up

[1:16:49] if you're doing a D&D campaign with Mickey Mouse.

[1:16:51] Okay, then do Horace Horsecollar,

[1:16:53] one of the characters they don't care about.

[1:16:55] Yeah, there you go.

[1:16:56] This one is from Ben, last name withheld.

[1:17:01] Is it a little rat?

[1:17:03] Yeah.

[1:17:04] We have to assume from the name.

[1:17:08] He writes...

[1:17:11] It's either that or Fisher Stevens' character from Short Circuit.

[1:17:13] Yeah.

[1:17:15] dear as seen on tv the cast of the flop house i finished binge watching the latest season of

[1:17:20] mystery science theater 3000 and i don't skip to the next episode until i happily see elliot's name

[1:17:25] in the credits thanks and dan the daily show writing is as good as ever been keep up the good

[1:17:30] work as a big fan of both these properties my question is for stewart sure as a bartender and

[1:17:36] dungeon master both of which i have interactions with do you have any favorite stories to share

[1:17:40] about bars ends or taverns fictional or otherwise told you or experienced wow i mean that my favorite

[1:17:50] bar related story uh yeah i don't know i mean uh i i tweeted about this but i just recently installed

[1:17:58] the uh security cameras in my bar for no specific reason just it's good to have them and i downloaded

[1:18:06] an app uh so i can now watch uh the feed the security camera feed on my phone so uh that's

[1:18:14] basically what i've been doing the last 20 minutes of this podcast all right all professionals

[1:18:21] always great yeah how focused we are and i'm certainly not reading a blog right now uh-huh

[1:18:26] wow you at least what at least what stewart's doing does not require the the word centers in

[1:18:34] your brain uh-huh and also it doesn't require me to take a fucking delorean back in time because

[1:18:39] dan you want me to do more talking always okay you're right i'm not having to hit my quota yet

[1:18:44] yeah no i don't know i mean i don't really i i can't think of any particularly like good stories

[1:18:51] but uh you know i like i like working in a bar i like when people who listen to the show show up

[1:19:00] um and i don't know it's uh it was a it was a career that i'd never expected to get into

[1:19:09] and it's really cool to have a space where i can i don't know uh hang out and talk to people

[1:19:16] and hopefully make people happy or make their life slightly less miserable in this veil of tears

[1:19:22] yep so i answered your question perfectly just what he was looking for uh bar tale

[1:19:30] this last one is from sasha last name withheld baron cohen sasha writes since it's your show

[1:19:39] that put this curse on me i feel that in some way i need to punish you by telling you about it

[1:19:43] okay i listened to the dweaguns and leprechauns episode about two weeks ago and very shortly

[1:19:48] after, I've started having reoccurring dreams

[1:19:50] where I'm being forced to direct a sequel.

[1:19:52] Vampires and Dweagans.

[1:19:53] I don't have a thorough understanding

[1:19:56] What would they even talk about?

[1:19:57] I don't have a thorough

[1:20:00] understanding. Are you saying they're on a date?

[1:20:01] Like in the first movie?

[1:20:03] I don't have a thorough understanding

[1:20:06] of this fake movie's plot, as each dream is

[1:20:08] mainly just me trying to wrangle gross CGI

[1:20:10] monsters on real physical sets to perform

[1:20:12] disconnected scenes.

[1:20:13] However, these dreams are

[1:20:16] frequent and vivid enough that I can't stop thinking

[1:20:18] about them and the clotted blood-filled jelly donuts the hybrids eat while trying to do actual

[1:20:22] work though they're probably not enough to save the dwegan mythos are there any films you think

[1:20:28] would be improved by adding vampires into the mix whether it's the characters turning into vampires

[1:20:32] hunting vampires or meeting a new nocturnal lover it may be easier to find examples where vampires

[1:20:36] wouldn't improve things though yeah that's for sure i 100 think the fast and furious franchise

[1:20:44] would be improved with car driving vampires oh yeah for sure that just goes i mean almost any

[1:20:51] action i feel like me saying this if vin diesel vin diesel's listening i'm sure and when he hears

[1:20:56] that that that immediately that movie is going to go into production uh what like there's no reason

[1:21:03] the next terminator movie can't have a vampire in it like that's got to happen uh and morbius

[1:21:10] the vampire movie is going to have a vampire in it i have to assume so since the title character

[1:21:15] is a vampire uh the reason the next star wars movie should have a vampire in it like how cool

[1:21:20] would that be that was one of my favorite uh buck rogers episodes was the one with the space vampire

[1:21:25] it was really spooky dan do you have opinions on buck rogers on buck rogers yeah um no okay

[1:21:34] what about like godfather 4 now there's vampires yeah i mean that's basically what

[1:21:40] sicilian vampire was right uh yeah i guess so actually i think about it

[1:21:44] uh and uh movies that i think would be improved by taking the vampires out yeah dracula

[1:21:53] wow i mean then it's just a movie about someone who wants to buy a house in london

[1:21:58] At these prices.

[1:22:02] It's very difficult to find the space for a family.

[1:22:06] I don't drink wine because it's too expensive.

[1:22:11] Because of my gout.

[1:22:13] The middle class is being squeezed out of the urban center.

[1:22:19] Well, Drac, maybe you should try New York then.

[1:22:27] Oh, don't even start.

[1:22:29] This is quickly turning into Tevye.

[1:22:33] Yeah, that's true.

[1:22:35] Well, Fiddler on the Roof, why couldn't it be a vampire on the roof?

[1:22:38] Other than that would play into so many anti-Semitic stereotypes about Jewish people.

[1:22:43] They're like, that's the movie where people would be like, what about the blood libel?

[1:22:49] And I guess Rabbi Dracula would be like, well, that one's true for me.

[1:22:53] Rabbi Dracula.

[1:22:57] yeah he's uh he went to uh rabbinical school sure yeah you know he's a very respected

[1:23:03] dracula in the community it would be very hard for him then at passover because he has to drink

[1:23:09] wine but he doesn't drink yeah wine here's my other question why doesn't dracula drink wine

[1:23:16] like do vampires oh it's just it's just he's an alcoholic it's a separate issue

[1:23:22] yeah oh so he's in recovery so that huge metal that he wears around his neck is what like his

[1:23:27] 4 000 years sober chip yeah exactly take a look i take my unlife my afterlife one day at the time

[1:23:35] he's yes and he's he has to find an aa meeting wherever he is which is difficult because he

[1:23:41] can't go into churches uh yeah yeah so he so he has to go into church's chicken and see if there's

[1:23:47] an a meeting there uh but wait dracula can go into church's chicken i mean it says church in the name

[1:23:54] I mean, they have to invite him first.

[1:23:55] That's true, yeah.

[1:23:57] He waits outside.

[1:23:59] He's like, oh, no, this church's chicken has a running water in front of it.

[1:24:04] I wish they hadn't put in this water feature.

[1:24:07] I mean, it's beautiful, but still, it really adds to the romantic feel of this pedestrian plaza.

[1:24:13] But so, do you think Dracula just goes, I guess that's the joke in What We Do in the Shadows,

[1:24:20] is they can't go into that club until they're invited in.

[1:24:22] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:23] So Dracula can't go into any business until he's invited in.

[1:24:26] Yeah.

[1:24:27] So he's essentially a homeless person at a certain point.

[1:24:29] I think what we do in the shadows probably invalidated all the jokes.

[1:24:32] I mean, that's why, I mean, you know, it's so much better for him in this age of apps.

[1:24:35] You know, he can just have things delivered to his home.

[1:24:38] Yeah.

[1:24:38] If he's not hungry enough for a full meal, he just orders an app.

[1:24:41] And then he's like, I don't eat.

[1:24:44] He reads another story about like startup culture or like tech moguls taking advantage of their workers.

[1:24:51] And he's like, and they call me a vampire.

[1:24:53] thanks to uber i can finally work at night when the sun is not a bother so he's so that'd be the

[1:25:01] worst if you're driving around and he's like so are you just leaving work are you going to work

[1:25:07] oh i'm just like i'm going to the airport i don't i'm not really looking for a conversation

[1:25:11] is this trip for pleasure or for fun that's the same thing dracula i don't know i've got a

[1:25:18] philosophy about life let me tell you about it and allow me to play my demo no thank you like

[1:25:24] that's why this guy's got such a bad rating it's not because he kills people yeah so can you please

[1:25:30] just suck my blood now no no first tell me if my trip hop single has a future oh come on dracula

[1:25:36] um hey that was a great bit but it's time to move on okay we always have to move on in life

[1:25:44] And the next thing we do is we talk about

[1:25:47] Recommendations of movies we saw

[1:25:49] And you should watch probably instead of the Meg

[1:25:52] I'd say

[1:25:53] Almost certainly

[1:25:54] Are you in the market for a kind of boring

[1:25:57] Giant shark movie?

[1:25:58] I don't know, you guys are going to recommend

[1:26:01] Come on

[1:26:02] I'll go first

[1:26:04] I went to the film forum recently

[1:26:07] I saw a little movie from

[1:26:09] 1937

[1:26:10] Elliot's Territory

[1:26:12] it's called easy living oh i love easy living and uh recommend it testify dan it was written

[1:26:20] by preston sturgis the famous writer and director was not directed by him it was directed by a guy

[1:26:24] named michael leeson or leisen i'm not sure how to say his last name i think mitchell leeson

[1:26:29] mitchell sorry yeah you're right um this is the story that's i've always heard is that

[1:26:35] that's the movie where he decided i don't want to see other people wrecking my movies i'm going

[1:26:39] to direct them from now on but easy living is hilarious so i don't know easy living is really

[1:26:43] good i think it's an apocryphal story um it's about basically it's a hard plot to to sum up

[1:26:52] so i'll just uh sort of give you the inciting incident a rich banker is enraged that his wife

[1:26:58] has bought so many uh expensive fur coats so he throws one out the window and it lands on a

[1:27:05] on a poor working girl uh and through a series of unlikely events thereafter she becomes mistaken

[1:27:13] for uh not wealthy i mean she becomes mistaken basically for the uh mistress of a wealthy man

[1:27:19] and because of that everyone wants to curry favor with her by making her like giving her easy living

[1:27:24] and uh after after her life takes a downturn because of it at first yeah uh and it stars

[1:27:31] gene arthur who is very funny in this movie i like she's so good in the lead um eddie arnold

[1:27:38] is the um edward arnold is the uh the banker and the love interest i was like oh eddie someone

[1:27:45] knows arnold the love interest is a very young ray maland and he was so young that as someone

[1:27:52] who mostly associates ray maland with things like dial him for murder i was like i did not

[1:27:56] recognize him but he's also very good he's he's it's he's so young in it that he's billed as baby

[1:28:02] ray and there's a it's just i don't know there's it's got so much inventiveness in it it's just a

[1:28:10] delight from start to finish and there are scenes in it too like there's a scene in an automat where

[1:28:14] there's a run on free food that goes on so much longer than you think it should but somehow still

[1:28:21] maintains uh being funny through the entire sequence especially because it's just the same

[1:28:26] joke over and over again which is that people fall down sometimes yeah exactly but it's done

[1:28:31] very well so uh easy living i liked it a lot easy living uh i'm gonna recommend a movie that came

[1:28:39] out like two weeks ago so the opposite end of the spectrum uh it's a uh low budget thriller

[1:28:47] called rust creek uh it is i think it's streaming and playing in a few uh playing in a few select

[1:28:55] cities. It is a thriller set in Appalachia about a college girl who is going to, she's driving to

[1:29:06] DC for a job interview and gets off the highway and is trying to take a shortcut when she has

[1:29:14] to turn around and she gets embroiled in a little bit of local criminal activity and has to kind of

[1:29:22] has to survive and it's a movie that is patient and uh it is beautifully shot it's a little long

[1:29:33] but uh and and none of the like twists or anything are particularly new but it's just a well-made

[1:29:41] little thriller and it's it's pretty cool i recommend it rust creek uh i'm gonna recommend

[1:29:47] a movie that that go okay i did start okay okay this is throwing me off quite a bit what do we do

[1:29:54] at this part uh this i'm gonna recommend a movie that i thought for certain had been recommended

[1:30:00] already but maybe i'm wrong which is can you ever forgive me so uh did either of you guys

[1:30:05] recommend that already on the show what was that can you ever forgive me uh no i don't okay i don't

[1:30:11] think either of us have seen it yet okay for some reason i for some reason i thought it was

[1:30:15] already but i highly recommend it it's the story with melissa mccarthy uh and richard e grant where

[1:30:21] she is a down on her luck biographer who basically gets into forging letters from famous people uh

[1:30:29] and selling them as memorabilia as artifacts uh in order to support her life and you know becomes

[1:30:36] more and more deeply enmeshed in it and more and more criminal about it uh and it's like a movie

[1:30:42] that i thought just thought they handled it super well and it's a really solid like character movie

[1:30:47] between her and richard d grant like i realized i like melissa mccarthy much more as a dramatic

[1:30:51] actress than i do as a comedic actress watching this movie and i just think it was just like

[1:30:57] a really really solid movie about a character who kind of gets in too deep on something and a

[1:31:03] character who rubs the other people in her life the wrong way so you can see how she's reached

[1:31:07] this point, but the way she's handled in the movie, like you want her to succeed, you know,

[1:31:12] and that's, they just did a really good job of that. And something that I especially liked about

[1:31:16] it is that like both of the main characters, Melissa McCarthy character and Richard E. Grant's

[1:31:20] character are gay, but the movie is not about them being gay. Like it's just a thing about them that

[1:31:26] is taken for granted by the movie and is not, is neither called attention to, nor is it ignored.

[1:31:31] And I thought that they handled that particularly well, that it's just kind of taken as this is a

[1:31:36] fact of their life and we don't have to make a big deal about it we also don't have to pretend

[1:31:39] it doesn't exist and richard e grant he's amazing and everything he's just great right yeah he's

[1:31:43] with nail he's he's with nail and here he's with melissa mccarthy and he shows can you ever forgive

[1:31:49] me uh he shows up in the new season of uh he shows up in the new season of a series of unfortunate

[1:31:56] events uh working with a partner played by beth grant and i don't know why i think it's so funny

[1:32:04] that they partnered up two people

[1:32:06] with the last name Grant.

[1:32:07] This is pretty funny.

[1:32:09] As always, the E in Richard E. Grant

[1:32:12] stands for excellent.

[1:32:13] Okay.

[1:32:14] So that's Can You Ever Forgive Me?

[1:32:16] A movie I really liked a lot.

[1:32:17] Well, we've done it yet again.

[1:32:19] We've fulfilled our contractual obligation

[1:32:22] to the devil

[1:32:22] and put out another episode of this podcast.

[1:32:25] Yeah, and what did we get

[1:32:27] in exchange for that punishment?

[1:32:28] I don't remember.

[1:32:29] We lost that fiddle contest.

[1:32:33] we never should have wagered in magic beans in a fiddle contest why did we think that we any any of

[1:32:39] us could play the fiddle i was pretty sure i could figure it out yeah it looks pretty easy i mean have

[1:32:44] you seen people play it yeah when you get stuck in it'll be fine yeah and like when you see people

[1:32:48] play they're just going they're just moving that thing back and forth like it's not a piano

[1:32:52] yeah i figured if i stomped my foot hard enough it would it would work uh and i i remember at the

[1:32:59] time works for mario we were trying we were trying to help each other while each of us was playing

[1:33:04] the other two were being like good sound love it and like trying to dance to it to try to fool the

[1:33:09] devil into thinking that maybe he was wrong and that it was really good yeah like yeah uh but

[1:33:15] and then and then i started talking to him about like hey do you realize die hard is a christmas

[1:33:19] movie to just distract him and he picked that up and oh boy now everybody now every jerk in

[1:33:24] america wants to talk about that so i'm sorry for unleashing that plague of darkness on the world

[1:33:29] but uh dan the magic beans i don't even remember how they entered into the whole scenario we wanted

[1:33:34] to eat them right well there are three of them and we figured that if we each had one it's barely a

[1:33:39] meal i like suede he said barely a meal as if it it is a meal it's just barely a meal like one bean

[1:33:48] is not a meal it reminds me the great poem uh the potato and the pea which just goes one potato

[1:33:55] makes a meal one p no big deal and this is the first poem that my son ever memorized oh wow but

[1:34:03] uh yeah so so uh we've we've done it again old nick uh he can't he can't uh make us do it anymore

[1:34:10] and i guess we'll have to we're haunted again every two weeks right yeah and that's when the

[1:34:15] next episode will come out theoretically wait wait are you was that that was dark cliffhanger i mean

[1:34:22] You know, nothing's certain in this world.

[1:34:24] Yeah, that's fair, yeah.

[1:34:25] Dan, are you planning to murder us?

[1:34:27] I'm not planning on it, but again, nothing's certain.

[1:34:30] I mean, it would be probably one of the least surprising ways for me to go.

[1:34:36] What would be the most surprising way for you to go, Stuart?

[1:34:39] I don't know, like crushed under a pile of textbooks or something.

[1:34:46] Like a nerd.

[1:34:49] But then I guess I would have been – I'd be killed by my homework allergy at that point.

[1:34:53] Yeah.

[1:34:54] I think the most unlikely way for me to go would probably be falling off the stage as I strut along in a charity bachelor auction.

[1:35:02] I think that would probably – I would not go for much.

[1:35:08] I think I would not involve myself in that scenario.

[1:35:10] Yeah.

[1:35:11] Yeah.

[1:35:14] All right.

[1:35:14] Yeah.

[1:35:15] And, I mean, that would cast a pall on the rest of the event.

[1:35:18] I mean, they'd still have to go on because they've got to raise money to buy the pool table for the rec center, but still.

[1:35:23] Yeah.

[1:35:24] Now, I guess, or maybe the least likely way for me to go would be, like, getting my head cut off by a helicopter blade because I'm pretty short.

[1:35:30] Yeah, that's true.

[1:35:33] Yeah.

[1:35:34] And you don't go rush.

[1:35:35] They don't fly you anywhere in a helicopter.

[1:35:37] Yeah, and also John Landis isn't directing you in anything, so.

[1:35:39] Oh!

[1:35:40] Take that, John Landis.

[1:35:44] Wow.

[1:35:44] Take that.

[1:35:45] He listens to this, Dan.

[1:35:47] He listens to this hoping his name gets mentioned, and now wishing on a monkey paw caused it to be mentioned, but not the way he wanted.

[1:35:53] Yeah.

[1:35:53] Cool, guys.

[1:35:55] We did it.

[1:35:56] I've been Stuart Wellington of the Flarp House.

[1:35:58] Okay, I guess we're doing this now.

[1:36:00] I mean, we have to, Dan, would you prefer we just dicker around and put off the inevitable?

[1:36:04] I've been Dan McCoy of the Flarp House.

[1:36:08] Yeah.

[1:36:08] We're a MaxFun podcast, yo.

[1:36:10] Check it out.

[1:36:11] MaxFun.org.

[1:36:12] There's other shows there.

[1:36:13] Hey, I'm Elliot.

[1:36:14] And who's that other guy in the corner?

[1:36:15] I'm Elliot Kaelin asking you to please mention the Fork House to other people.

[1:36:20] And by the Fork House, I mean the Flophouse.

[1:36:22] Don't let you use my joke name.

[1:36:23] Please help us in spreading word of the Flophouse.

[1:36:25] Write us a review on iTunes.

[1:36:27] A good review would be even better.

[1:36:28] Tweet about us.

[1:36:29] Instagram about us.

[1:36:30] Periscope about us.

[1:36:32] Facebook Live about us.

[1:36:33] Snapchat about us.

[1:36:35] Tell your mom.

[1:36:36] Don't request Live about us.

[1:36:37] Yeah.

[1:36:37] Tell everybody about the Flophouse and listen to other MaxFun podcasts because there's a great podcast on MaxFun.

[1:36:44] And I've been, for the Flophouse, Elliot Kalin, wishing you, as always, a pleasant January.

[1:36:50] Bye.

[1:36:52] Why do you always wish people a pleasant January?

[1:36:54] That's why it's weird, because I wish people a pleasant January every other month.

[1:36:58] But January's going to come back.

[1:36:59] I've got a feeling January's coming back, guys.

[1:37:01] Good night, everyone.

[1:37:03] On this episode, we discuss the Meg.

[1:37:13] Welcome to Jurassic Shark.

[1:37:16] Now, Elliot, was the Megalodon a Jurassic animal or did Stuart...

[1:37:26] That's a good question. That's a good question.

[1:37:28] I don't know. Let me take a look at it real quick. It could have been.

[1:37:32] Let's take a look at what era period it actually came from.

[1:37:38] uh the megalodon let's see it was uh time period oh no it was not it was not no technically the

[1:37:49] early myocene to the end of the pliocene oh long after the jurassic period stewart i'm gonna have

[1:37:56] to give you a red card on this one oh shit and i've already got a red card so that means i'm

[1:38:01] missing next oh wait no that's yellow cards i'm just missing next game and i'm probably not gonna

[1:38:05] to make any money for a little bit yeah exactly and you'll lose that endorsement deal with uh

[1:38:09] what what was that uh lubricant company maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned

[1:38:17] listener supported

Ep. #275 - The Meg

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