Ep. #276 - Life Itself

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss life itself.

[0:03] Seems like a pretty vague topic, Dan.

[0:05] Can't we narrow it down to just like ketchup?

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:36] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] Elliot Kalin, over here, sitting with my boys.

[0:42] Stuart Wellington, Dan McCoy, and of course, my main boy, the big man upstairs.

[0:48] And your DVD collection of the TV show, My Boys.

[0:51] Yep, yep, yeah.

[0:52] From TBS.

[0:53] It was a TBS show, right?

[0:55] Very funny.

Dan McCoy

[0:56] Dan, you were saying?

[0:58] No, I mean, the time has passed.

[1:00] We're all together because we are in Madison, Wisconsin.

[1:03] Uh-huh.

[1:04] Hiding.

[1:05] Beautiful, Madison, Wisconsin.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06] Yeah, it's great, but we're hiding from the icy winds, blasting the hotel we're hiding in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] I didn't realize that we were entering a movie, and that movie, Ice Age.

[1:15] No.

Dan McCoy

[1:16] Oh, shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18] It's very cold outside, is what we're saying.

[1:20] Oh, man, this is going to be a good one.

[1:22] Elliot's already firing.

[1:23] Oh, boy.

Dan McCoy

[1:23] Firing on all cylinders.

[1:24] Oh, man.

[1:25] Relatable to the listener.

[1:27] Yeah, we are in Madison, Wisconsin.

[1:29] It is cold.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30] Buggle your seatbelts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32] Okay.

[1:32] We are here to do a live show.

[1:34] You are not listening to the live show.

[1:35] You are listening to an episode we're recording the morning after in Dan's hotel room.

[1:40] The place is a mess.

[1:41] Just like, just half-dressed women everywhere just throwing french fries all over the place.

[1:48] Why?

[1:49] What?

[1:49] Wait, what?

Dan McCoy

[1:51] Is that my fantasy?

[1:52] Yeah, I think that kid from Boogie Nights who throws the fireworks everywhere hears that he's around here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57] Oh, cool.

[1:57] Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[1:58] And let's not forget.

[1:59] And there's just like a tub with a hippopotamus in it.

[2:02] Mm-hmm.

[2:02] And the-

[2:03] Well, that came with the room.

Stuart Wellington

[2:05] And it's this like kind of tracking shot where the camera comes into the room, and it bounces from one conversation to another while, I don't know, something by like Three Dog Night plays.

Dan McCoy

[2:15] Yeah, exactly.

[2:16] Yeah, we were all up.

[2:18] Well, not all.

[2:19] Elliot left at a semi-reasonable time.

[2:21] It was still later than I wanted to be up.

[2:23] Stuart and I got back to the hotel 2.30 a.m.?

[2:26] Oh, wow.

[2:27] Oh, you did this appointment.

[2:28] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:30] Oh, my God.

[2:32] Elliot, stop.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] I can't help it if I'm just on.

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:36] You're ripping Stuart's appendix stitches.

[2:41] When I said that joke, Stuart actually flipped over backwards out of the panel.

[2:44] You could just see his feet flying through the air.

Dan McCoy

[2:48] Okay.

[2:48] So, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:52] Uh-huh.

[2:52] And we did that.

[2:55] So-

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] We stuck to our mission statement.

[2:57] Now, we watched this movie Life Itself, which we did not watch the Roger Ebert documentary Life Itself.

[3:04] Which is a quite good movie.

[3:05] Yeah.

[3:05] I recommend it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] Oh, wait a minute.

[3:07] My plot summary is going to be really weird, guys.

[3:09] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] But this is a movie that came out, what, last year?

[3:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:14] It was one of those blacklist scripts, which usually means good movie that the Flophouse

[3:20] won't review, right?

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] I think we might have asked this before, but, like, can someone write in and remind us, has

[3:24] there ever been a good movie made off a blacklist script?

[3:27] Uh, Suspect Zero.

[3:28] Uh, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[3:32] Uh, no.

[3:32] I don't know.

[3:33] I mean, I'm sure.

[3:34] There must have been.

[3:35] I'm sure.

Elliott Kalan

[3:35] But I feel like there are all these movies that get made off blacklist scripts and they're

[3:38] not very good movies.

Dan McCoy

[3:39] Guys, does the studio system work?

[3:40] Because I'm beginning to think the fact that these scripts haven't been bought is a good

[3:44] thing.

Elliott Kalan

[3:44] Yes.

[3:45] I mean, the studio system was the most consistent.

[3:47] Oh, well, not the studio system.

[3:49] Oh, I see.

[3:50] Oh, does the studio system.

[3:52] Yeah.

[3:52] Oh.

[3:52] I thought you were saying, like, we need to go back to the studio system.

[3:55] When it wasn't just, like, a bunch of people throwing scripts around, but, like, you had

[3:58] to do it.

[3:58] You had to pump out movies starring stars and about things.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Well, yes.

[4:01] That also would be a good way of doing it.

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] Uh, so this movie, it's by the guy who did, made the show This Is Us, right?

Stuart Wellington

[4:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:09] So this is basically This Is Movie, right?

Elliott Kalan

[4:12] I guess.

[4:13] I wish it was called This Is Movie.

[4:15] It sounds like a Tim and Eric thing.

Stuart Wellington

[4:18] Yep.

[4:19] Uh, yeah, it's, uh, what, what, Dan Fogelman?

[4:22] I think that's his name.

[4:22] Uh, and he's written a handful of other movies.

[4:25] Um, let's just get into it.

[4:26] This is going to be a fucking beast of a movie.

[4:28] Yeah, Stuart, tell us what this movie is about.

[4:29] Yeah, I've, I've elected, uh, I was so inspired by the majesty of this movie that I have elected

[4:34] to be the, uh, plot summarizer.

[4:36] So you might just want to ride that 10 second skip button.

[4:39] Um, so, so after a whole bunch of Ochre production logos, we, you are really going through the

[4:45] movie.

[4:46] We get some narration from Samuel L. Jackson as Samuel L. Jackson, a narrator.

[4:53] Uh, we get a title card that says chapter one, the hero narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

[4:59] Uh, and at this point you're probably like, oh fuck, what did I sign up for?

[5:03] Cause that's what I said.

[5:04] Um, and then we, we have a scene, uh, where we have a, uh, a random character being interviewed

[5:11] by a therapist.

[5:12] Played by Annette Bening.

[5:13] Played by Annette Bening.

[5:14] Thank you.

[5:15] Um, and it's narrated by Samuel L. Jackson and it's very like, I guess like fourth wall

[5:21] breaking.

[5:22] Would you describe it?

Dan McCoy

[5:23] It's like, you think that this guy's going to be the hero of the movie.

[5:26] Well, guess what?

[5:27] That was bullshit.

[5:28] This guy's boring.

[5:29] Let's go to the psychiatrist.

[5:31] Maybe she's the hero of the movie.

[5:32] No, she's not.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] Ha ha.

[5:34] We tricked you again.

[5:35] He has this long monologue about like, when you go outside to smoke, you're not supposed

[5:38] to smoke, but it feels so good.

[5:40] So you still do it and your wife gets mad at you cause you're smoking.

[5:43] And it's like, it's playing, it's the movie is playing all these like crappy fourth wall

[5:47] tricks that felt old 20 years ago and doing it.

[5:51] And it's like, yeah, you think this is the hero of the movie, right?

[5:53] Real handsome.

[5:54] Wrong.

[5:54] It's this one.

[5:55] It's like, the only reason I think he's the hero of the movie is cause he's, you've presented

[5:57] him to me.

[5:58] You're like, it's not like I picked him out of a lineup.

[6:00] It was like, this guy should be the hero.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] Yeah, thanks for handing me this can of peanut brittle movie.

[6:05] Oh, there's snakes in it.

[6:06] Whoa, what a surprise.

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] It's not like I asked you to give me a demanded canned peanut brittle and I'm finally getting

[6:12] the comeuppance that I deserve.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] But it really makes you think about preconceived notions, right guys?

[6:17] About what?

[6:17] Brittle?

[6:19] It's like.

Dan McCoy

[6:20] It's also the most like lit way to start this movie.

[6:23] This movie that like wants to deal in like so much tragedy as it goes on.

Stuart Wellington

[6:27] Yeah.

[6:27] Do you, do you think there is a candy company that.

[6:30] Yeah.

[6:31] That had to throw out all their cans of peanut brittle because they're like, people don't

[6:35] buy these anymore.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] They won't trust us.

[6:37] They're too afraid of snakes.

[6:39] They're taking up public service ads.

[6:40] Hi, my name's Greg Brittle.

[6:42] My family's been making peanut brittle for generations.

[6:45] Now, it's come to my attention that a lot of people are worried about snakes these days.

[6:48] Well, the brittle promise, no snakes in our cans.

[6:52] As you can say, it's him walking the factory floor like, as you can see, we take great precautions

[6:56] to keep snakes out of our cans.

Stuart Wellington

[6:58] We hire 900% local mongooses.

Dan McCoy

[7:04] As the ads go on, like they get increasingly more desperate.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] They don't even look like snakes.

Dan McCoy

[7:08] They're just springs with fabric over them.

[7:10] Come on.

[7:11] Let's just jump out real quick.

Elliott Kalan

[7:13] We don't even sell our stuff in cans, really.

Stuart Wellington

[7:16] Go to a zoo.

[7:17] Look at what the snakes look like.

[7:19] They're different.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Okay, one guy had a heart attack and died because he was surprised by a thing jumping out at him.

Dan McCoy

[7:25] But that's not our fault.

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] And the guy who owns a novelty company and who lost his girlfriend to Greg Brittle years ago.

Dan McCoy

[7:32] Finally, finally my revenge.

Elliott Kalan

[7:35] Now, the movie finally settles on a hero, right?

[7:38] Oscar Isaac.

Stuart Wellington

[7:39] Yeah, Oscar Isaac plays a character, Will.

[7:41] One last thing about peanut brittle.

Dan McCoy

[7:43] Yes, Dan?

[7:44] It's the only confectionary that in its name advertises the fact that it's brittle.

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] I mean, here's my theory about that.

[7:52] Peanut brittle is an old thing.

[7:53] And the idea that it was like, oh, this won't be hard to chew.

[7:56] This will break apart easily.

[7:58] It's not hardtack.

Stuart Wellington

[8:00] You're letting people know that they don't risk their teeth.

[8:03] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] As opposed to hardtack where you're like, right off the name.

[8:06] This is going to be hard and it's going to taste like a bunch of tacks in your mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[8:09] Like, is this apple-based dessert going to be hard to eat?

[8:12] No, I think it's a crumble.

[8:16] So we have Oscar Isaac jumps into frame just in time to distract Annette Bening long enough for her to get run over by a bus.

Elliott Kalan

[8:26] It's like runovers.

[8:28] It's like cartoony.

[8:29] Like she gets hit and you kind of expect to see her body fly through the air and bounce.

Stuart Wellington

[8:33] And this is the first of many on-screen deaths for women in this movie.

[8:37] If you are a woman in this movie, watch out.

[8:39] The Grim Reaper is hanging over your head.

Elliott Kalan

[8:42] But for now, we're just introduced to our hero.

[8:44] It turns out the intro was a screenplay being written by Oscar Isaac, who you know is a likable person because he is a belligerent drunk who lectures people about Bob Dylan when they're just trying to do their job.

Stuart Wellington

[8:55] Yeah, if you're a fan of Bob Dylan, by the end of this movie, I don't think he will be anymore.

Dan McCoy

[8:59] I turned to the person that I was watching the movie with and I'm like, you know what?

[9:02] I like Bob Dylan just fine.

[9:04] But if I never have to hear another person talk about what a fucking genius Bob Dylan is in my entire life, I will be happy.

Elliott Kalan

[9:11] I feel like I'm not –

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] We just lost Bob Dylan as a listener.

Elliott Kalan

[9:14] But Jacob Dylan is like fair, very fair.

[9:17] I'm not there.

[9:18] The movie about Bob Dylan that posits him as a kind of shape-shifting trickster spirit who has always been with us in America is less up its own ass about Bob Dylan than this movie is.

[9:28] So, Stuart, what happens next?

[9:30] Yeah.

[9:31] Why is Will a wreck of a man?

Stuart Wellington

[9:33] Elliot is chomping at that bit to try and do a plot summary.

[9:37] It's so hard.

[9:38] But I'm driving this car, fool.

[9:39] So, we see Will now a bearded wreck of a man wandering the streets of New York and it flashes back to time that he has spent with his wife played by Olivia Wilde.

[9:51] I think her character is what?

[9:52] Annie?

[9:53] Nancy?

[9:53] Abby.

[9:54] Abby.

[9:54] Cool.

[9:55] Abby normal.

[9:56] They have this very long conversation in the bed talking about Bob Dylan and then he – and they smash their dog named Fuckface affectionately.

Elliott Kalan

[10:07] They're like – this is – I'm like – so it's this couple that's lying in bed talking about Bob Dylan.

[10:11] I'm like, I think I hate these people.

[10:13] And then they're like, oh, it's our dog, Fuckface.

[10:15] Hey, Fuckface.

[10:16] It's like, okay, I hate these people.

Dan McCoy

[10:17] These people are terrible.

[10:18] I'm supposed to be charmed by the fact that they have named their pet Fuckface.

Stuart Wellington

[10:21] And then –

[10:22] What a whimsical pair.

[10:23] And then Olivia Wilde climbs out of bed and reveals a giant pregnant belly at which both characters are shocked that she's pregnant, which is part of a joke.

[10:31] But it's also like, wait a minute.

[10:34] Like, this was meant to be a shock for the audience that she's pregnant.

Elliott Kalan

[10:38] No, it's like the audience is surprised and then they joke around with each other like, hey, wait a minute.

[10:42] Are you pregnant?

[10:42] And it made me realize that like – not that moment.

[10:46] Throughout the movie you'll see that affection is only ever expressed in this movie through kind of like joke bits.

[10:53] Like there seems to be no way for people to show that they care about each other in this movie other than to have like running gag bits that they do.

[10:59] And it's like, look, I'm a comedy person.

[11:02] I love my wife dearly.

[11:03] Sometimes we joke around.

[11:05] Other times we just talk like regular people.

Stuart Wellington

[11:06] Yeah, like you lie around in bed talking about Bob Dylan and Hoobastank.

Elliott Kalan

[11:11] Well, that's only because I'm trying to segue into do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Dan McCoy

[11:19] That's the Bloodhound Gang, isn't it?

Elliott Kalan

[11:21] Oh, I thought it was Hoobastank.

[11:22] What does Hoobastank do?

[11:23] I don't fucking know.

[11:25] Stank.

[11:26] Whoa.

[11:26] Yeah, but they specifically stank Hoobas.

[11:29] Yeah, yeah.

[11:29] So what is a Hooba?

Dan McCoy

[11:32] It's like a Dr. Seuss tuba.

[11:34] Okay, that's a good explanation, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:37] Yeah, so the movie –

[11:38] To the members of Hoobastank and the Bloodhound Gang.

[11:41] I do not apologize for mixing up your dumb babies.

Stuart Wellington

[11:43] We lost a couple more listeners, guys.

[11:45] So the movie bounces back and forth.

[11:48] Will is seeing his therapist, who is played by Annette Bening, of course.

[11:51] He was briefly institutionalized.

[11:53] Yeah, we get a little info dump where his wife left him six months ago, and he has spent half that time in an institution.

[12:01] Cue the song Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies.

[12:05] And then we – so we get little snippets of their relationship.

[12:10] We see them at – this is Will and his wife.

[12:14] We see them at a college party.

[12:15] We see him asking his wife out for – on a date in the most unbelievable fashion possible.

Dan McCoy

[12:21] Yeah, it's very unpleasant.

[12:23] Like, Oscar Isaac's like, hey, the reason I haven't asked you out yet is because when I do, it's going to be forever.

[12:31] And I just want – like, I won't be able to stop being with you.

[12:35] And it has to be perfect.

[12:36] And I'm like, dude, this is the first date you're asking for.

[12:39] You are freaking this woman out.

[12:41] Well, they've been friends for a while, so she knows he's a crazy person, I guess.

[12:44] Yeah.

[12:44] She's like, why haven't you asked me out yet, Will?

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] He's like, because when I do, it's going to be forever, babe.

[12:49] I love you so hard.

[12:50] And I just like – this love builds up in me, and it's just like forever and ever.

[12:54] And I'm just like, God, babe, I don't – like, I just – I just like can't – I like can't handle it.

[13:00] You are a creep, Oscar Isaac.

[13:02] I mean, everything he does in this movie is being creep.

Stuart Wellington

[13:03] If this speech was delivered by a silhouette in a Zales Diamonds commercial, I would be creeped out.

Elliott Kalan

[13:11] I mean, you'd be like, how is he talking?

[13:13] He has no mouth.

[13:14] He's just a shadow.

Stuart Wellington

[13:15] Well, that's the thing.

[13:16] You know, he jumped loose from his boy, in this case Peter Pan.

[13:21] And now he's proposing to other female silhouette.

[13:24] I mean, do you think maybe he lost his shadow?

Elliott Kalan

[13:25] Or male.

[13:26] The shadow did want to grow up and get married because it saw a Zales commercial.

[13:29] Yeah.

[13:31] Should you talk about, Stuart, about the flashback to his proposal when they are dressed as Pulp Fiction characters in a Halloween costume?

Stuart Wellington

[13:37] Man, I was getting there, Elliot.

[13:38] You just can't keep your foot off the gas on this episode.

[13:41] So, yeah, so the movie bounces around back and forth from him in therapy to times in their life, including, of course, this costume party at college again where they're dressed up like the characters from Pulp Fiction, which is, of course, the confirmation, like Elliot said, that this is a student movie.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Yeah, this movie feels like a student film.

[14:02] And as soon as it's like, then I'll have to pay obeisance at the altar of Pulp Fiction.

[14:07] It's like, all right, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[14:08] And there's a eerily prophetic moment where he has to reenact the scene from Pulp Fiction where he brings Uma Thurman back to life by sticking Olivia Wilde with a fake syringe.

[14:20] And I'm like, uh-oh, she's going to die, isn't she?

[14:23] Spoiler alert, she does.

Elliott Kalan

[14:25] Can I mention one thing about that scene also?

[14:27] Yeah, okay, what's that?

[14:28] He proposes to her and she tells him that, this is me quoting, I think, because I've written it in quotes in my notes, it scares her how much you feel.

[14:36] Uh-huh.

[14:36] And she mentions that she, I think that she is not ready to be loved that much.

[14:41] And it's like, god damn it, like everything about this is so student film.

[14:45] Like, this is someone's college screenplay.

Stuart Wellington

[14:47] Yeah, I mean, it's, and it's a way of trying to make his, like, he's a, he comes off to me as like a creepy pressuring character.

[14:55] Yes.

[14:56] And the movie tries to present that as just like, like a charming thing.

[15:00] Like, oh, you're just a raw nerve in a cool, like a nice way.

Elliott Kalan

[15:04] It's one of many movies that doesn't seem to realize that the character it thinks is the hero is actually had a lot of things wrong about him.

[15:11] No offense, no spoilers, but we're here in Madison to talk about the movie Venom.

[15:15] And the movie Venom has another, has a similar strange thing where the hero of the movie is not a good guy, but there's another side character who is a very good guy and should be the hero of the movie.

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] And this feels like that except there are no other heroes.

[15:28] Except Manny Patankin, I guess.

[15:29] Mm-hmm.

[15:29] As Oscar Isaac's dad.

[15:31] Yeah, I guess so, that's fair.

[15:33] So the, uh.

[15:34] I mean, he doesn't do much other than have a beard and sit around and be cranky.

[15:36] Yeah, but he's Manny Patankin, so of course you love him.

[15:38] Yeah, of course, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:39] So the, the, we get another flashback of Oscar Isaac and Olivia Wilde visiting Oscar Isaac's parents the day of, uh, the day from the previous flashback where they were in bed.

[15:54] And there, Oscar Isaac's parents are played by Manny Patankin and Gene Smart.

[15:58] And you know what?

[15:58] It's nice to see Gene Smart around.

[16:00] Don't worry, she's not going to be in the movie long.

[16:02] She's a woman in this movie, so she will meet a tragic end.

[16:06] Yeah, yeah, you can, you can basically start a ticking clock at this point.

[16:09] Um, and they, clearly Oscar Isaac's parents are very excited about having a baby.

[16:15] They, they talk about how they prayed that he would meet a woman with dead parents, which is insane.

Dan McCoy

[16:21] So that they wouldn't have to share the grandchild.

[16:23] But it's very important to know that, like, the stupid fucking Bob Dylan conversation and this, uh, lunch, this is all on, quote, the day she left me.

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] And you've probably guessed what that having left means already, but we'll get to it.

[16:36] Uh-huh.

[16:36] Because we have to talk about Abby's backstory, right?

[16:39] Oh my god.

[16:41] Well, what's Abby's backstory?

[16:42] Uh, Will tells us very quickly that Abby's parents died when she was young in a car crash that she witnessed.

[16:48] She was in the car and survived it.

[16:50] And he goes into detail about how her dad was decapitated by the steering column in front of her eyes.

[16:55] This, of course, translates to her being given to the custody of Uncle Perv, who molests her for years.

[17:01] Until she threatens to, no, she does shoot him in the leg, right?

[17:04] Yeah, she shoots him in the leg.

[17:05] Until she gets a gun from, as Will describes it, some gangbanger.

[17:08] And shoots him in the leg.

[17:09] And it's like, movie, you do not get to throw all this shit at your character.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:13] And just kind of brush it aside as if it's like a quirky back, like, to describe it, Will's like,

[17:18] Yeah.

[17:18] Pretty nasty, huh?

[17:20] Sucks, huh?

[17:20] Pretty bad.

[17:21] It's like, movie, like, don't stop doing this shit.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] My dad got decapitated and she got molested for several years.

[17:26] Like, this is not, like, you can't do this to, like, this movie does not deserve this.

Elliott Kalan

[17:31] No, and the movie is not impressing us by how hardcore it is.

[17:34] Yeah.

[17:34] We're not like, whoa, this movie means business.

[17:36] Because it started out with this fucking jazzy Sam L. Jackson narration, like.

[17:40] Oh, by the way, Sam L. Jackson never comes back in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[17:42] Yeah.

[17:42] The.

[17:43] They could only book him for an hour, right?

Stuart Wellington

[17:44] I mean, don't you see him on screen when they're watching Pulp Fiction at one point?

[17:48] Yeah, I think you're right.

[17:48] I guess so.

[17:49] The thing about this kind of tragedy porn is that it doesn't actually have the courage to, like, not saying that this is a movie that should show a guy getting decapitated and squirting blood all over his daughter or something.

[18:03] But, like, you can't just, like, talk about, you don't get credit for talking about how grisly something is.

[18:09] Do you know what I mean?

[18:10] Dixer didn't happen, that's what I'm saying.

[18:11] That's what I'm trying to say.

Elliott Kalan

[18:13] The problem I have is that with a lot of movies like this, and, like, Garden State is a movie like that, too, or, like, any movie where there's, like, this girl, like, or this girl's fucked up.

[18:23] And that means, that translates as a zest for life, which exists to pull the male hero out of his funk.

[18:30] Yeah.

[18:30] And it's, like, I'm not a big fan of the trope in stories and movies where it's, like, all these terrible things happen to this woman.

[18:37] And that's why now she's a free spirit.

[18:40] She's kind of a wounded bird.

[18:42] She's just trying to fly free on those broken wings.

[18:44] She's trying to take those broken wings and learn to fly again.

[18:49] Dan, take it.

[18:49] I can't afford to use this song, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[18:52] Do we pay for the songs?

[18:53] Nope.

Stuart Wellington

[18:55] Oh, thank God.

[18:56] So you're saying you couldn't afford the cost to your soul.

[18:58] So wait, wait, wait.

[18:59] What have I been doing with all this money?

[19:03] The envelope that says songs on it, Dan, what happens to it?

Elliott Kalan

[19:05] You just take $100, put a song on the envelope.

[19:07] I've been embezzling from those for a while.

[19:10] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[19:11] That's how I feed the cat.

Stuart Wellington

[19:14] That's not a euphemism, right?

Elliott Kalan

[19:16] You've got to feed the cat, boys.

[19:19] But yeah, it's really, it's just, like, gross.

Stuart Wellington

[19:21] So she has moved on from all this trauma, and she is the brightest and smartest student in her school.

[19:26] And she's a literature major, and she has a very specific thesis that she's working on.

[19:33] It's so stupid.

Elliott Kalan

[19:34] It's so stupid, and spoiler alert, flash forward, she gets a bad grade on her thesis, because it's not about literature.

[19:39] Stuart, what is her thesis about?

Stuart Wellington

[19:41] Her thesis is, she's obsessed with the idea of the unreliable narrator.

[19:46] Wait, hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[19:48] Earlier in the movie, weren't we kind of dealt with a series of unreliable narrators?

[19:52] From Samuel L. Jackson to Oscar Isaac and onward?

[19:55] Wait a minute.

[19:56] This movie's great, I just realized.

Dan McCoy

[19:58] The way it comments on itself, the way it tells you what it's doing while it's doing it, it's amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[20:03] I didn't realize that there were so many layers to this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[20:05] And her thesis is, isn't life itself the original unreliable narrator?

Dan McCoy

[20:14] Yeah, that's the moment that I flunked her out of school while I was watching the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[20:18] She's like, life is the unreliable narrator, because you never know what's going to happen.

[20:22] And it's like, that's not what an unreliable narrator is.

[20:24] Like, although her being like, isn't life the unreliable narrator, it does fit well with our fake news world that we live in, where you kind of believe whatever facts you want to believe in.

[20:33] So maybe she was just ahead of her time, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[20:35] And it's kind of weird, because there's really not that much, there's not that much unreliable narration in this movie, in a way.

[20:42] Like, you have a bunch of different narrators that kind of lie to you, but there's not like, I guess it's not like multiple people seeing.

[20:49] It's not Rashomon.

Elliott Kalan

[20:50] Yeah.

[20:50] It's not like, or it's not even a usual suspect where you're like, oh, all the stuff I saw before is in a different light now that I know this information.

Stuart Wellington

[20:57] It's not Hero featuring Jet Li.

Dan McCoy

[21:01] But it's like, yeah, that's right.

[21:03] She's also like so fucking excited that she got her thesis idea.

[21:06] She like comes in like, in a whirlwind, like, declaiming to the entire room, like, Oscar Isaac and also like his buddies are just like hanging out.

[21:13] Like, I guess also fascinated with what she's saying.

Stuart Wellington

[21:15] And you're right.

[21:17] She needs a better friend circle to be like, uh, calm down, dude.

Dan McCoy

[21:22] Well, I've never seen anyone so fucking excited about like a thesis idea.

Elliott Kalan

[21:26] She's just full of life and vim and vigor as anyone who had suffered years of abuse would be.

Stuart Wellington

[21:31] Anytime I feel like I've cracked that very difficult role-playing adventure I've been trying to write and I run up and tell my wife, she doesn't seem very excited.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] I mean, that happens to me where I'll be like, I figured this thing out and I want to tell somebody and they'll be like, uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[21:46] All right.

[21:47] Like the time I hugged my cleaning lady because I beat a very difficult boss in the video game Bloodborne.

Dan McCoy

[21:52] Doesn't Oscar Isaac do like a double take where he spits soda all over the place?

[21:58] No, no, like a beer, like a keg stand after that or something like that.

[22:01] It's college.

[22:02] It's college.

[22:02] Immediately after she leaves.

[22:04] Like, that's kind of a good joke.

[22:06] She's like so excited about her thesis and he's like, well, back to my keg stand.

Stuart Wellington

[22:09] But also like –

[22:10] Yeah, he's got some hard work to do.

[22:11] It's the middle of the afternoon.

Elliott Kalan

[22:12] She's had a tough life.

[22:14] But what kind of privilege is it where you're like, my thesis for my literature class is going to be this weird philosophical statement that has nothing to do with literature.

[22:21] Guys, I don't have to play by the rules.

[22:23] But anyway, so – and Will says to his therapist, maybe he's an unreliable narrator.

[22:28] And we're like, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] Wait a minute.

[22:30] Am I supposed to believe anything I've seen before?

[22:32] Is this whole thing just a book that somebody else is writing?

[22:35] Well, we'll get to that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:36] I was so ready for it to – for right now for it to be like, and cut.

[22:40] And they're on the set of the TV show Life Itself.

[22:42] And like it turns out one of them is an actor and they go off and have their own adventure or whatever.

[22:46] Oh, man.

[22:47] That would have been crazy.

[22:48] Like a real black mirror, right, Dan?

[22:51] I don't think that's what a black mirror is like.

[22:53] And then like he gets involved in a murder by accident.

[22:55] He's like, what do I do?

[22:56] And it turns out the whole thing is being dreamed by Cthulhu in his house at Raleo while he waits dead dreaming until the stars align.

Stuart Wellington

[23:02] Yeah, and then there's an and-made sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[23:04] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[23:05] Awesome.

[23:06] Okay, what happens next, Stubal?

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] So we flashback to Will in the therapist's office.

[23:12] He is asked to talk about that the day that his wife left him.

[23:16] He talks about having spoken with his wife since he got out of the institution, which is basically just him freaking out.

Elliott Kalan

[23:24] He's like, oh, come back to me.

[23:26] I miss you.

[23:27] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:28] And then a lot of these flashbacks and a lot of the future flashbacks we're going to see, we actually have the characters that are having the conversation like walk through the whole thing.

[23:38] Like it's a memory palace.

[23:40] It's pretty great.

Dan McCoy

[23:41] And I always wonder the logic of that sort of thing because like Annette Bening is there like seeing the memory with Oscar Isaac and I'm like, is he describing like everything so perfectly?

[23:51] You've seen Inception, dude.

[23:53] You don't have to.

Elliott Kalan

[23:54] You just got to do the broad strokes.

[23:55] Well, even the fact that he's walking through a memory where he's seeing himself and like, I don't know about you guys, but my memory does not usually involve a vision of me because unless I'm not looking in a mirror constantly, my memories involve my point of view on the event.

[24:07] You're not Vanity Smurf?

[24:09] I mean, I'm Amy Smurf.

[24:11] I'm that bookworm one that has the glasses.

[24:13] What's his name?

[24:14] Pedantic Smurf?

[24:15] He's the one.

[24:16] Someone's like, I Smurf over the Smurf.

[24:18] I'm feeling Smurfy.

[24:19] And Pedantic's like, actually, you're feeling Smurf-o.

[24:23] Smurfy is a misnomer.

[24:25] But it's like, it's the drama, melodrama version of what we've talked about many times before.

[24:34] Those compilation movies they show on Cinemax where it's like, well, I heard a story about my friend and her boyfriend.

[24:40] And it just cuts to a sex scene.

[24:41] And it's like, so is the person describing the sex scene?

Dan McCoy

[24:45] And they're also just sort of just having sex.

[24:48] Like, it's not really a story.

Elliott Kalan

[24:49] I mean, I guess there's a beginning and a middle and an end.

[24:51] There's a climax.

[24:53] Oh, shit.

Dan McCoy

[24:55] It's not enough rolling action, am I right?

Elliott Kalan

[24:57] Oh, my God.

[24:59] And not enough rising action afterwards.

[25:02] I guess what I'm saying is...

Dan McCoy

[25:03] Stuart turned into a Fox studio audience from the 90s.

[25:09] Ow!

Elliott Kalan

[25:10] I guess because Christina Applegate just walked in.

[25:15] Here's the thing, guys.

[25:16] Isn't sex the ultimate unreliable narrator?

[25:20] I'm going to need to see your thesis.

[25:25] So we see...

[25:25] So wait, there's got to be some porn called, like, Defending Her Thesis or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[25:29] I mean, I could imagine.

[25:30] Dan, quick.

[25:31] I'll Google it.

[25:32] You're already on Pornhub.

Elliott Kalan

[25:34] Type it into the...

[25:35] Go to your favorite section.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] The...

[25:38] Favorite section.

[25:42] PhD porn.

[25:43] Go to the employee recommendations.

Stuart Wellington

[25:46] Do they have that?

[25:47] Yeah, with, like, a little description about why they like it so much.

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] Hey, Brad says, this one was super hot.

[25:54] Yeah, I mean...

[25:55] Brad has never left me wrong.

[25:57] This one caused my penis to ejaculate.

[25:59] And somehow Infinite Jest is also on the shelf of this employee recommendations.

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:04] We get it.

[26:05] I'll read it someday.

Stuart Wellington

[26:06] Yeah, I get it.

[26:07] You like good books.

[26:08] Cool.

[26:09] So we see a continuation of the day where Will and Abby spent some time with Will's parents.

[26:17] And then they're walking down a familiar New York street, a street that was featured in the earlier nested sequence.

[26:24] Uh-oh.

Dan McCoy

[26:24] The one where Annette Bening got hit by the bus.

Stuart Wellington

[26:26] Uh-huh.

[26:27] But this time, a different lady, Abby, gets hit by a bus.

Dan McCoy

[26:32] Oh, wait a minute.

[26:32] His wife didn't leave him.

Stuart Wellington

[26:34] She didn't leave him.

[26:35] She left this earth, dude.

Dan McCoy

[26:37] By the way, she gets hit by the bus.

[26:38] We'll find out another reason she gets hit by the bus later.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] But she partially gets hit by the bus because she's backing into the intersection while talking to her.

[26:45] While talking about she came up with the perfect name for their daughter.

[26:48] Yeah.

[26:49] Uh-huh.

[26:49] What's that?

[26:50] Uh-huh.

[26:50] Who's the human being that gets talked about in this movie as if they are a semi-divine presence?

[26:55] Oh, so they named the child Roberta?

[26:57] What?

[26:59] For Bob.

[27:00] Oh, I see.

[27:01] Yeah.

[27:01] No, no.

[27:02] They named the child Fuckface after their daughter.

[27:04] Oh, wow.

[27:04] No, she's like, I got the perfect name.

[27:06] Did Garth Ennis write this movie?

[27:09] I mean, a lot of women do get killed in terrible ways.

[27:12] That's true.

[27:13] She goes, she wants to name their daughter Dylan.

[27:16] But before he can tell her that's terrible.

[27:18] Well, after Dylan Thomas.

[27:19] Yeah, exactly.

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:21] After Steve Dylan, artist of Preacher, written by Garth Ennis.

[27:25] Before he can say, please don't name our daughter after this musician you can't keep talking about, the bus hits her.

Stuart Wellington

[27:30] The bus hits her and leaving a result that is described later in the movie by a different narrator, it eviscerates her, which is another time where this movie is like, how grisly can we describe this horrible thing that's happening?

Elliott Kalan

[27:43] Especially since, as we learn, their daughter survived the bus accident.

[27:47] Yeah.

[27:47] And was born perfectly healthy.

[27:49] So, like, maybe it's just that the ultimate airbag is to be inside of a human being?

[27:54] To have the cushioning of a human body around you?

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to argue the science of this situation.

Elliott Kalan

[27:59] No, but I have to assume that the bus hit her, her body splattered into pieces, and the baby going, wah, flew through the air, landing in her father's arms.

[28:07] And he said, I'm not ready to be a dad yet.

[28:10] And Will is, how does Will react to this revelation?

[28:13] The doctor saying, face it, Will, your wife's dead and you have a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[28:16] Yeah, like, and Will hasn't seen his newborn daughter yet.

[28:21] He's been in the institution and crazy in coffee shops.

[28:24] So his reaction is to say, I don't want to be here anymore.

[28:28] And then he pulls out a gun and shoots himself in the head.

Dan McCoy

[28:30] Which the movie has primed us to believe is just another fake out.

[28:33] But it is not.

[28:34] No.

[28:35] Oscar Isaac is gone from the movie.

[28:36] The man that all the ads would have suggested is the hero of the film.

[28:40] And the narrator suggested that.

[28:42] Is gone.

[28:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:44] So cue another title card.

[28:46] What happens next?

[28:47] What chapter is it?

[28:48] We're on chapter two, Dylan Dempsey.

[28:51] And we see basically an episode of a series of unfortunate events.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] As everyone she loves dies one after another?

Stuart Wellington

[28:59] Yeah, which is actually appropriate.

[29:01] That's an appropriate joke because Dylan Dempsey is, you know, two Ds back to back.

[29:07] What's that?

[29:07] What's that type of thing called?

[29:08] Alliteration.

[29:09] Thank you.

[29:09] It's an alliteration, which is something, which is a device he's in a series of unfortunate events.

[29:14] So I'm smart.

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] Yeah, say what happens because I have a point I want to make.

Stuart Wellington

[29:18] So at this point, they kind of rush over their new daughter's childhood where she lives with her grandparents.

[29:27] Well, grandparent because they quickly mention how Jean Smart's character dies.

[29:33] And then they also talk about how a very important person dies, their dog fuck face.

Elliott Kalan

[29:38] It's like she lost her grandmother and then her best friend.

[29:41] Do we see her saying goodbye to her grandmother?

[29:43] No.

[29:43] We see her saying goodbye to the dog.

[29:44] And the implication is that the death of the dog was at the same level as the death of the grandmother or maybe more important.

[29:51] And it's like, come on, movie.

[29:53] Like, what are you doing?

[29:55] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[29:56] And then we get a scene between Grandpa and Mandy Patinkin with a very white, snowy beard.

[30:03] Don't worry.

[30:04] It gets whiter and snowier.

Elliott Kalan

[30:06] Until he comes Santa Patinkin.

Stuart Wellington

[30:07] Between this little girl and Mandy Patinkin where they each speak very eloquently about how they're feeling.

[30:18] But it turns out that's all just a fake out.

[30:20] That's what they should be saying.

[30:21] But instead they're like, oh, how are you doing?

[30:24] Oh, I'm good.

[30:25] You know.

[30:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:26] And the girl has a speech about how so much tragedy has been laid on her feet and now – and on her back.

[30:33] And now what?

[30:33] She's going to live life to the fullest.

[30:35] Like a series of unfortunate events.

[30:37] And Mandy Patinkin has that speech about like, I love you so much.

[30:39] I'm never going to let anything ever happen to you again, blah, blah, blah.

[30:41] But you're right.

[30:42] It's just another F out.

[30:43] A fake out, that is.

[30:44] I had a question, guys.

[30:45] Yeah.

[30:45] I never thought of this before.

[30:47] Do you think there are any elderly people who went to a matinee showing in New York of Mandy thinking it was a movie about Mandy Patinkin?

[30:55] I mean –

[30:56] More about the song.

Stuart Wellington

[30:58] Yeah.

[30:58] And their like faces melted off midway through.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] Halfway through the – as Nicolas Cage stares in horror after his wife's death at the Cheddar Goblin ad, they were like, when is he going to sing finishing the hat?

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] So we then get a flash forward where we watch this character Dylan grow up until she is played by actress Olivia Cooke, another Olivia.

[31:22] And at this point, she's now like a super cool punk rocker.

[31:25] She's got a neck tattoo.

[31:27] She's got dyed red hair.

[31:28] I love it.

[31:29] She smokes cigarettes.

[31:30] It's her 21st birthday.

Elliott Kalan

[31:31] The way you know she's a bad girl who doesn't care about the rules is she smokes a cigarette in front of her grandpa.

Dan McCoy

[31:37] She's – I don't know whether you – they have – like, Mandy Patinkin and her have like a little conversation.

[31:43] That's not really that important.

[31:44] But they go out and –

[31:45] And they do their little joke routine where they each take a drink and go, ah!

Stuart Wellington

[31:49] Yeah.

[31:49] Which they've been doing since she was a little girl.

[31:51] That's how you know they're the same characters.

Elliott Kalan

[31:53] At different points because this is an adaptation of the story All You Zombies where someone travels through time to be their own father, mother, and self.

Dan McCoy

[32:02] But now – she's now the front person for a band and she's –

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] What's the name of the band?

[32:07] I fucking forget.

[32:08] PB&J because they talk about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a bunch in this movie.

[32:12] Oh, my God.

[32:14] And they have a pile of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on a tray that anyone can take at the performance.

Stuart Wellington

[32:19] That sounds like a traditional New York City punk show.

Dan McCoy

[32:22] I guess it's like the way you offered free pizza to anyone who came to your comedy show.

Elliott Kalan

[32:26] Because otherwise nobody would show up.

[32:27] So the implication is this is not a popular band.

Dan McCoy

[32:29] Yeah, but I was going to say she's the front woman and she sings, of course, a Bob Dylan song.

[32:34] When she starts out just playing on the piano and she's got a –

Stuart Wellington

[32:37] And you're like, oh, this is a nice little piano song.

[32:41] You've got a nice voice.

Dan McCoy

[32:42] And then it turns into this screaming punk song.

[32:45] And she has a terrible voice for punk singing.

[32:47] Yeah.

[32:47] Yeah, like a sloppy-ass punk song.

Stuart Wellington

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:50] It's weird.

[32:51] I don't know about you guys, but like if my parents were really into Bob Dylan and I grew up to be like a punk, I would not be into fucking Bob Dylan.

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] Well, it's like I could see it if she's like – if the performance was her being like, fuck you, mom and dad, for disappearing.

[33:05] I hate Bob Dylan.

[33:06] I'm going to fuck up his song to get back at you.

[33:08] Like I could see if she was like, this is a performance piece where I'm going to ruin a Bob Dylan song.

[33:13] But that's impossible.

[33:14] Bob Dylan is the love and the light of the universe.

[33:17] Jesus Christ.

[33:17] He's the soul of the center of the galaxy.

[33:19] What did I just say?

Stuart Wellington

[33:20] Take your hands off me.

Elliott Kalan

[33:22] Guys, maybe we should just kind of sit back, spark up, and listen to the words of America's premier poet – humanity's premier poet.

[33:30] Thank you.

[33:31] Nobel Prize winner Robert Dylan.

[33:34] What was his last name?

[33:36] Some Jewish name anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[33:39] It's like Konigsberg or Jacobsberg.

[33:40] So our new hero gets in a fight by the PB&J station with a woman who is filming her on a phone for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[33:49] She's like – so Dylan is making out with some guy.

[33:52] And this woman is shooting it on a phone.

[33:55] And she's like, you're taking pictures of me?

[33:57] And beats her up.

[33:58] And it's like, so is this our hero?

[34:00] Like what is going on?

[34:01] And also like why are you filming her?

Dan McCoy

[34:02] It's not cool to film her.

[34:03] But like it's an extreme overreaction.

[34:05] She like breaks the woman's phone and then sucker punches her and beats the shit out of her.

Elliott Kalan

[34:10] And the woman is getting such – like I would expect – if these characters were 14 years old or 15 and she'd be filming on her phone, I'm like, I get it.

[34:17] But they're in their 20s.

[34:19] So like if someone is making out in a corner, who cares?

[34:21] Like why are you not going to make out somewhere?

[34:24] Like I don't get it.

Stuart Wellington

[34:25] Yeah.

[34:26] It doesn't seem like the right – like you're at a rock club.

[34:29] People should be making out in the dark corners of that place, right?

Elliott Kalan

[34:32] Unless there's a scene that got cut out where she's like, one more show, grandpa, and then I'm entering the convent.

[34:37] And so this person is like, this is good blackmail material.

[34:40] I'll show this to the mother superior that she was making out in a rock club.

Stuart Wellington

[34:43] That's a very complicated – I was like, maybe that guy is somebody else's boyfriend or something.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] I mean, sure, that's a possible reason too.

Stuart Wellington

[34:51] No, let's make it more complicated.

[34:53] So she beats up that lady.

[34:54] Dylan wanders the streets chomping on PB&J before she ends at a park bench at a –

Elliott Kalan

[34:59] Classic New York walking food, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[35:01] She ends at a park bench at a very familiar New York intersection.

[35:06] Oh.

[35:07] That's right.

[35:07] It's across the street from the Ghostbusters house.

[35:13] JK, JK, it's the place where her mom died.

[35:15] So she gets to see her parents, had that one last interaction.

[35:18] She has a little vision.

[35:19] She has a dream.

[35:20] She has a little vision and she sees a magical little boy standing in the front of the bus that hits her mom.

[35:26] And then that's the end of that scene.

[35:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:29] This character gets the shortest shrift of any character in the movie.

[35:32] Dylan?

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] Yeah.

[35:33] Yeah, she's a woman.

[35:34] She exists only to die or to give meaning to the life of the men in the movie.

[35:38] Because guess who we jump to next?

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] We go to chapter three, the Gonzalez family.

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] This character – so the movie has already shown that it – that a movie made by, I assume, a sort of upper middle class white man American doesn't really know what it's like to live in America as a person, as a white person.

[35:58] So it's time to –

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] Go to an Andalusian olive farm.

Elliott Kalan

[36:02] Time to tell the story of a family of olive pickers in Andalusia.

Stuart Wellington

[36:08] And our man, Tony B, Antonio Banderas, shows up looking kind of like Mandy Patinkin.

Dan McCoy

[36:15] It was a little confusing.

[36:17] He looks sharp, though.

[36:18] I mean, he's a handsome man.

[36:20] Oh, my God.

[36:20] Yeah.

[36:20] He looks like a fucking comfort daddy.

Elliott Kalan

[36:22] I mean, compare him to – in Haywire, he has a similar beard.

[36:26] He's not in as good a shape.

[36:28] And here, he just looks – he's doing great.

[36:29] Yeah, man.

[36:30] I can't get enough.

[36:31] Antonio Banderas, like, to be honest, we watched Interview with a Vampire not that long ago, and watching this, it's like, I wouldn't think as much time had passed as has between that and this.

[36:39] So Antonio Banderas looks great.

Stuart Wellington

[36:41] Well, that's when you're a child of the night, things change differently.

Elliott Kalan

[36:45] Yeah, and the rhythm of the night keeps you going.

Stuart Wellington

[36:47] Yeah.

[36:48] So we are introduced to two characters at this point.

[36:51] We have Antonio Banderas, whose name is – I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] Do I have it anywhere?

[36:57] He's the boss.

[36:58] He's the boss of – he owns an olive farm.

Stuart Wellington

[37:00] He owns an olive farm, and he has an interview with one of his laborers named Javier, who seems kind of quiet and contemplative, and he invites his worker into his sprawling home.

[37:13] Oh, yeah.

[37:14] And he looks amazing like a comfort daddy and has this conversation with him telling him about his own personal history, about how he comes from a complicated – to be honest, I kind of zoned out.

Dan McCoy

[37:27] It was about – yeah, his dad was a bastard, and his mom was from Spain.

[37:32] He was Italian.

[37:32] Yeah, his dad was Italian, and his mom was from Spain, I think.

[37:35] No, I think it's the other way around.

Stuart Wellington

[37:37] I think you're right.

[37:38] I remember something about drinking olive oil.

Dan McCoy

[37:40] But the mom was the one who brought the Spanish olive oil.

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] No, no, the dad would send it back to them.

[37:45] What?

[37:45] Oh, no, I'm thinking of the other thing.

[37:46] No, no, the mom was the one who – the dad was the bastard.

Dan McCoy

[37:50] The mom was the one he liked.

[37:51] And that's why he went and he got to the olive oil business.

[37:54] The point is, though –

[37:54] The whole point is that –

[37:55] This is a long fucking monologue that has no bearing on the rest of the movie and would be the first thing I cut from this film.

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] Once again, it's another instance in the movie.

[38:04] Antonio Manderas was like, everyone gets a scene in which a woman is shit upon by a man in some way.

[38:08] Why don't I get to do that?

[38:09] What if I gave you a monologue about how your mom, who was a saint, was really treated poorly by your dad?

[38:14] Excelente, yes.

Stuart Wellington

[38:17] So we see these two men are very different.

[38:22] Antonio Manderas talks a lot.

[38:24] Javier is very quiet.

[38:25] He whistles just for himself.

[38:26] And his big mouth is only for the other men.

Dan McCoy

[38:29] Yeah, he makes a point to his boss that he's like, what is inside, that is for me.

[38:35] You do not get that.

[38:36] I will give you my work, but what makes me happy is mine.

[38:40] Antonio Manderas.

[38:40] I like this new character you're doing.

[38:42] Yeah, Dan, let's keep it going.

Elliott Kalan

[38:43] So how do you feel about the DC Universe movies?

[38:47] Those are for me.

Stuart Wellington

[38:50] Aquaman is for you.

[38:51] Those are not for the critics.

Elliott Kalan

[38:53] What about the prequels?

[38:58] Those are not for me.

[39:01] But there's a whole thing.

[39:02] Antonio Manderas is like, let me tell you this long story to explain why I care about the olives I grow.

[39:06] I see this thing in you.

[39:08] You also care about the olives.

[39:10] You sing to them.

[39:10] You whistle to them.

[39:11] Why is that?

[39:12] And Javier's like, you don't get to own that part of my soul.

[39:14] And Javier's supposed to be, I think, like this principled man whose principles go too far.

[39:20] But as we learn, he's kind of an idiot.

[39:22] He's kind of a moron.

[39:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:24] We'll go on to that later.

[39:25] So they reach an arrangement.

[39:27] Antonio Manderas wants Javier to be the new foreman and run the farm because he picks olives with his hands instead of a rake.

[39:37] And he will let him live in this nice house and he will give him a significant raise.

[39:45] But Javier makes sure that Antonio – that's it.

[39:49] It's a business arrangement.

[39:51] I won't be your friend.

[39:52] I'm not going to be your friend.

[39:53] This is – we're going to keep things cool and profesh, right?

[39:56] Well, I don't think that's going to work out.

[39:58] Uh-oh.

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] He's like, I'm not here to make friends.

[39:59] I'm here to pick olives.

Stuart Wellington

[40:00] Now, as you would imagine, it immediately then cuts to a flashback where Olivia Wilde's character, Abby, is working on her thesis again.

[40:08] Oh, okay.

[40:09] And they reveal that she fails her thesis.

[40:12] But also the guy who failed her is a jerk.

[40:14] So what does he know?

[40:16] So we then go back to Javier.

[40:20] He has just gotten this huge raise in this new house and he goes to visit his girlfriend.

[40:26] And the movie gives us a little bit of a fake out because he's approaching a table full of women and it's like, no, no, no.

[40:32] He's actually in love with this other beautiful woman who's working as a waitress.

[40:36] Can you imagine?

[40:38] And luckily she spills everything so you're – she like clumsily drops stuff.

[40:42] So you're like, oh, she's attainable.

Dan McCoy

[40:45] She sometimes is clumsy.

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] The gravity still has some effect on her.

[40:50] So even though she is incredibly gorgeous, she is in some way different from this other table of beautiful women.

[40:56] And it's also one of the things where it's like – the fake out is like, oh, he must be with one of those beautiful stylish women.

[41:01] Nope, with this beautiful waitress.

[41:02] And it's like, he is an olive picker.

[41:04] Like the idea that he would be –

[41:05] I mean, olive – he's an olive farm foreman.

[41:10] But we didn't know – she didn't know that yet.

[41:12] So the idea that like, no, no, no, he just cares for this humble waitress who again is beautiful.

Stuart Wellington

[41:17] Yeah, so they – what?

[41:18] They – does he propose?

[41:19] They agree to be together forever.

[41:21] Yeah, they clown around in a fountain.

[41:23] They celebrate by clowning around in a fountain, which feels like they just – that was the only place they could shoot in that town.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] It's much like – to skip ahead, there's a scene where these characters go on a vacation to New York and it's like, okay, so you had half a day to shoot around the south end of Central Park.

[41:37] That's all they do and see.

[41:39] But I wonder if it's like, we must express our love and our joy in the only way that we can here in Spain, by reenacting the opening of Friends.

Stuart Wellington

[41:50] So the – yeah, so we get like a series of montages of them living in this big house and we see them get married.

[41:57] We see her – Isabella get pregnant.

[42:00] We see them have a child.

[42:02] And then unfortunately, Tony B comes back into the picture and starts creeping on his wife.

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] So Javier thinks.

[42:10] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[42:12] Like he's being pretty creepy, dude.

[42:14] I guess he's being a little creepy.

[42:15] But that's – this is the one instance where the things that he's doing – he's doing things that –

Stuart Wellington

[42:18] He's like, I have so much, but there is only one thing I don't have and like arches his eyebrows.

Elliott Kalan

[42:23] But what he's really getting at it is that he doesn't have a family.

[42:26] And the relationship he really starts building is with Javier's son.

[42:30] Yeah, Rigo.

[42:31] Yeah, and it's not like a – it's one of these things where – at first I think you're seeing it a little bit through Javier's eyes and it's like, uh-oh, what's he doing?

[42:38] But as the movie goes on, it's clear like, oh, no, Antonio Maduro is a very good man.

[42:42] And like he just – he's sad that he doesn't have a family and Javier continues to shut him out for almost – because of his own jealousy, which is the movie's point.

[42:50] It's not like the movie's on Javier's side.

[42:51] But at the same time, it's like, movie, like, come on.

[42:54] Like just – can these characters just like get it together?

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] Yeah, they put a lot of effort into this one.

[42:59] So this inspires them to go on a New York vacation.

Elliott Kalan

[43:02] Antonio Maduro gives Rodrigo, the little boy, a globe.

[43:06] And Javier palms the globe in one hand, which is amazing.

[43:09] He's got those big olive-picking hands.

[43:11] You would think he would crush the olives.

[43:15] And he's like, I'm kicking you upstairs because you have failed – like I'm promoting you through incompetence.

[43:20] You'd crush all the olives.

[43:21] So I've got to put you somewhere you can't do any damage.

[43:24] And he goes, no, no, no.

[43:25] No gifts for my son.

[43:26] And it's like – at that point, I'm just so turned against him because I'm like, if someone wants to give my kid a gift, great.

[43:33] I don't have to buy him a present.

[43:34] You're going to do it?

[43:35] Wonderful.

Stuart Wellington

[43:36] I mean, my only defense of Javier in this moment is that he kind of made it clear that he wanted to keep things kind of professional.

[43:45] I'll give you that.

[43:45] And Tony B doesn't want that.

Dan McCoy

[43:47] And the narrator who – at this point, we don't know who the new narrator is.

[43:51] Yeah.

[43:51] The non-Sam Jackson narrator.

[43:53] But the narrator says like – oh, he – like what's Alpheger's name again?

[43:58] Which what?

[43:59] The Alpheger's name.

[44:00] Yeah.

[44:00] I was like, Javier, though, is not a stupid man.

[44:03] So he started planning a vacation.

Elliott Kalan

[44:06] It's like – he sees that Antonio Banderas has placed dreams in Rodrigo's head of going to New York.

[44:12] So Javier's like, oh, I can take you to New York.

Stuart Wellington

[44:14] So they go to New York and they have a whirlwind time through part of Central Park.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] There literally is a shot of them sitting to have a caricature drawn of them.

[44:24] And I'm like, oh, so they went for the real tourist stuff.

[44:26] Like these characters are not cool.

[44:29] Wow.

[44:31] They're not investigating the underground theater scene while they're in New York.

Stuart Wellington

[44:35] And they take a sightseeing bus, which unfortunately is the same bus.

[44:40] You got it.

[44:41] It runs over Olivia Wilde.

[44:43] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:43] Why does the driver not see Olivia Wilde backing into the street?

Stuart Wellington

[44:47] Is it because the little kid's like – he's an agent of chaos and he's like final destination-ing this shit?

[44:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:53] He walks down the vial saying hola to everybody and he says hola to the driver.

[44:57] And the driver's like, oh, hello, little – and like turns away from the street for a very long time.

[45:02] For a long time.

[45:02] And Javier's like, don't talk to the driver.

Elliott Kalan

[45:04] It says so on the sign right there.

[45:06] And so this kid is a murderer.

[45:08] I mean, I don't know why I'd say that.

[45:10] But he is –

[45:11] I mean, manslaughter probably.

[45:14] He is an agent of chaos.

[45:15] He has destroyed his own family.

[45:17] He's destroyed the relationship between his dad and his dad's boss and now, of course, the life of Olivia Wilde.

Stuart Wellington

[45:22] And it also kind of destroys his life for a little while.

[45:25] It like severely traumatizes him.

[45:27] He can't sleep.

[45:28] His incessant crying makes – turns his dad into like a crazy demon drunk.

[45:33] Yep.

[45:34] Where we see – yeah, we get a little montage of Javier and Isabella's relationship deteriorating rapidly.

Elliott Kalan

[45:40] And it's a lot of like sitting at a table scowling at each other and then one of them making a remark and the other one like slamming a glass against the table.

[45:46] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[45:46] Yeah.

[45:47] I mean, it's still – they still got a pretty nice house.

[45:50] I mean, one crying kid.

Elliott Kalan

[45:52] It's a big house.

[45:53] Get a bedroom on the other side of that huge house.

[45:56] No, it's –

[45:57] Speaking as someone who –

Stuart Wellington

[45:59] Yeah, just take some of those olives, stick them in your ears.

Elliott Kalan

[46:02] That's what God made them for.

[46:04] That's why they're so – they're shaped that way.

[46:08] I mean, an olive, the pit in it is God saying, put something inside of another thing.

[46:13] Okay.

[46:14] Put this in your ear the way I put the pit in the olive.

[46:17] That's the parable of the olive.

[46:18] Yeah, and you know God is in heaven right now and he's like, I tell you humans just a few things and I try to be so clear.

[46:26] My whole gospel is about putting olives in your ears and no one's figured it out yet.

Stuart Wellington

[46:31] So at this point, Antonio Banderas shows back up and he helps Rigo go to like kind of an expensive therapy to help him get over his trauma.

[46:42] Unfortunately –

Dan McCoy

[46:43] And this allows him to weasel his way back into the family.

Stuart Wellington

[46:44] Yeah, he just – it's that little crack that he just pries open and this – things come to a head.

[46:51] And eventually Javier is like, you know, clearly you want to be with my wife.

[46:56] You love her.

[46:56] And he's like, I totally do love her.

[46:58] And he's like, okay, they're your family now, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[47:01] And Javier abandons his family.

Stuart Wellington

[47:04] Yeah, and he's like – you know, he tells his wife, he's like, yeah, I got a job as a mechanic so you can stay here with Antonio Banderas forever.

[47:11] And she's like, that's crazy.

[47:13] Like, yeah, she's like, I kind of want you to stay.

Elliott Kalan

[47:16] Like, yeah, my husband's who I love and you're the father of my child.

[47:18] Why are you leaving?

[47:19] Here's the thing about Javier, and I couldn't tell if this was offensive or not.

[47:23] Is it's the idea of like the humble, simple peasant who works with his hands on the soil and he just has his principles that he lives by.

[47:32] And he may not be a school smart man.

[47:34] He has his life honor.

[47:37] But it's taken to such a crazy degree of like just him being dumb and like, can you not see what's actually going on around –

[47:44] But he's like, I took a job as a mechanic.

[47:46] Now I can leave and you won't have to deal with me.

[47:47] And his wife is like, I'd rather you stay and not drink anymore.

[47:50] Like, that's not like you.

[47:51] It's – the problem is not you.

Stuart Wellington

[47:54] So Antonio Banderas, I guess, marries this woman who now is husbandless.

[48:00] And we get chapter four, Rodrigo Gonzalez, where we get another fast forward.

[48:06] Rigo is now a grown-up college-age dude.

Dan McCoy

[48:09] We see him like running and there's like a series of dissolves as he gets older.

[48:13] And I – at this point in the movie, I said, wouldn't it be crazy if at the end of the series of dissolves, he's Oscarizing?

[48:19] And you're like, wait a minute, movie.

[48:22] That doesn't make any sense at all.

[48:23] This is an inconsistent timeline, movie.

[48:25] How does this light up?

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] And then what he – when he shoots himself in the head, actually Doc Brown shows up at the last minute and sends him back in time.

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] Yeah.

[48:34] And – well, yeah, he keeps running and eventually he's an old man with a cane.

[48:39] And you're like, four legs, two legs, three legs.

Elliott Kalan

[48:43] Now we can save thieves from the Sphinx.

[48:46] He's running and running until he gets to the Flash's time treadmill and just rips a portal through space.

[48:52] But it is –

[48:52] So we get –

[48:53] Because I was thinking a similar thing where I'm like, how long is he even running for?

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] So the – this is the point where the movie is like, I don't feel like we've touched all the tragedy bases.

[49:06] Let's give this mom cancer.

[49:08] Yeah.

[49:09] So Isabella, yes, is sick.

[49:11] She's got cancer.

[49:13] But she has aged very well.

[49:15] I mean time hasn't stopped.

Elliott Kalan

[49:17] Oh, I mean what's amazing is that a few of the characters age purely by being themselves but like they get sick.

[49:24] So like she does – they don't really age her so much as they make her look sick.

[49:27] Like Mandy Patinkin is roughly the same age throughout the entire 21 years of his granddaughter's life.

[49:32] He just dyes his hair whiter.

Stuart Wellington

[49:34] He's like, I can't let the humans know that I am an eternal.

Elliott Kalan

[49:39] I have to wait until it makes sense for this character to die so that I can shave my beard and start my new life as Randy Patinkin, a race car driver.

Stuart Wellington

[49:47] So he's excited.

[49:50] He's been accepted to college at NYU I'm assuming.

Elliott Kalan

[49:54] Well, he just says he was accepted to the university and I guess he goes to NYU as a transfer student or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[50:01] Now that that's the most important detail in the movie.

[50:05] His mother, despite being sick, she makes her son leave and he heads off to New York City.

Dan McCoy

[50:12] Well, she eventually makes him leave.

[50:15] He sticks around for a while.

[50:16] He sticks around for a while.

[50:17] Spoiler alert.

[50:18] Later on he meets – what's her face?

[50:22] Dylan.

[50:22] And like he meets her on the night of her 21st birthday.

[50:26] Uh-huh.

[50:26] And he was like, what, like 8 or 10 at the time of the bus crash?

[50:30] Yeah.

[50:30] So like he like deferred school for like nearly a decade to make these timelines work out.

Elliott Kalan

[50:35] Well, maybe he had some military service in there.

Stuart Wellington

[50:40] I don't think he was 8 or 10.

[50:41] I think he was like –

[50:42] I think he was like 6 or 7.

[50:43] Yeah.

[50:43] I mean, I don't have a child.

Elliott Kalan

[50:45] You're like he was clearly 17 years old when he was walking down the bus saying –

Stuart Wellington

[50:49] Yeah, you're not going to like – nobody like cut his finger and counted the rings or anything.

Dan McCoy

[50:52] He defers for a fair amount of time and like the movie is – it's hard to tell like how much time it's supposed to have passed.

Elliott Kalan

[50:58] It's a very elastic timeline.

[50:59] Yeah.

[51:00] But he goes to college and of course –

Stuart Wellington

[51:02] And he excels.

[51:03] Top student on the track team.

[51:05] Most important thing though, he meets the best character in the movie.

[51:09] Sherry Dickstein.

Elliott Kalan

[51:10] Tell us about Sherry Dickstein, too.

Stuart Wellington

[51:12] Sherry Dickstein is this like broadly drawn, loud –

[51:16] Oh, broadly, you think?

[51:17] Broadly drawn, loud college girl.

[51:19] But you know what?

[51:20] This is an injection of life and character that this movie so desperately requires.

Elliott Kalan

[51:25] There is only one thing wrong with this character.

[51:27] Yes.

[51:28] That is her name is Sherry Dickstein.

[51:29] And she is the most Gentile-looking person they could have cast.

[51:33] And I'm assuming that they wanted to go for maximum contrast with Rodrigo who – he's Spanish.

[51:38] His skin is slightly darker.

[51:39] He has dark hair.

[51:40] And he's kind of quiet.

[51:41] And he's quiet.

[51:42] So they went with like a loud blonde girl who like – she looks Midwestern.

[51:46] She does not look – but her name is Sherry Dickstein from Long Island.

[51:49] Yeah.

[51:50] And she's clearly supposed to be like an upper-class like Jewish rich kid who goes to school and is dating this guy maybe more for the life experience than anything else.

[51:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:59] And he like – and he goes back to visit his mom and he tells her – he tells his mom about her.

[52:03] He can't really say much about her other than that she's loud.

[52:06] I'm like, hell yeah, she's loud.

Elliott Kalan

[52:08] He's like, she comes from a magical place called Long Island.

[52:12] That's how she pronounces it?

Dan McCoy

[52:13] Yeah, she says Long Island.

[52:15] She is such a caricature and so aggressively unpleasant that you're like –

Elliott Kalan

[52:19] I don't know who you're talking about.

[52:20] These people would not date.

[52:21] No, never.

[52:22] I don't know how they meet.

[52:23] It's like – and it's one of those things where it's like in any other movie I would be like I'm kind of offended by this character.

[52:28] She's so broadly drawn.

[52:29] She's so abrasive.

[52:31] She's so thin.

[52:32] But in this movie, like Stuart's saying, I'm like, oh yeah, give me the energy.

[52:35] Give me the life.

[52:36] Like here's – and the actress is like playing her to the hilt.

Stuart Wellington

[52:40] Rigo's kind of feeling the same way as Dan because he's about to break up with her until she tells him I'm pregnant.

[52:47] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[52:47] She does it super cash.

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] Yeah, so she does it super cash.

[52:51] She plays it off perfectly.

[52:54] They're walking down the street.

[52:55] They go for dinner.

[52:56] Rigo's in his head.

[52:56] He's like, what am I going to do?

[52:57] There's a moment where she –

[52:58] Well, they go for brunch.

[52:59] Whatever.

[53:00] They're NYU students.

[53:01] It's brunch.

[53:01] They're walking down the street.

[53:03] There's a brief moment where a car is about to hit her and I'm like, that's what's going to happen.

[53:06] I'm sure of it.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] But then just fake out.

[53:08] He pulls her out of the way of the car.

[53:09] She never even notices because she's so busy being like, should I get an abortion?

[53:12] Where should I get my abortion?

[53:14] What abortion should I get?

[53:15] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:15] She's laying it on real thick.

[53:16] He saves the cat in this case, right?

[53:18] He proves his value.

[53:20] So they go to brunch and she finally drops the hammer.

[53:26] April Fool's bitch.

Elliott Kalan

[53:28] She goes, so I see we only have three options.

[53:30] One, have it.

[53:32] Two, get an abortion.

[53:33] Or this is the most amazing April Fool's joke ever, bitch.

[53:37] And he's like, okay.

[53:39] Okay.

[53:40] And she's like – she has to explain the concept of April Fool's joke.

[53:44] And it was like, movie, why did you – and you know instantly this is the end of her time in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[53:49] I feel bad that Sherry Dickstein – like she put so much effort into this performance.

[53:54] I was as shocked as everyone that this was an April Fool's joke.

Elliott Kalan

[53:58] This is the one – this is the one payoff like misdirect that actually works in the movie.

[54:03] And it works because she is so over the top already talking about this pregnancy that I was like – I was like, how could she be so casual about this?

[54:11] Oh, I see.

[54:12] So – but like – and then, of course, he dumps her because how could you not after that?

Stuart Wellington

[54:16] The narrator had previously made us believe that this was the most important day in –

[54:21] Rodrigo's life.

[54:21] In Rodrigo's life.

[54:23] And we assumed it was because he found out he was a father.

[54:25] That is not the case.

[54:26] It's because his mom dies.

Dan McCoy

[54:28] Oh, yeah.

[54:28] That's not the only reason as we see –

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] Yeah, there's nothing.

[54:31] But her mom – his mom dies.

[54:33] And as his mom is dying, Antonio Medeiros is like, I've got a special surprise for you.

[54:40] Audience, show her what she's won and who should walk out not looking like he's aged either.

[54:45] Javier, the man who abandoned her 10 years earlier.

Dan McCoy

[54:49] And this infuriated my movie-watching pal.

[54:51] She was like, what, we're supposed to believe this is a fucking good guy because he comes back when she's dying?

[54:56] He abandoned her.

[54:57] Yeah, it's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] And he comes over and they hold hands and they're smiling at each other like, good to see you, buddy.

[55:03] Hey, remember all those times we shared?

[55:05] It's great.

[55:06] What have you been up to?

[55:07] Dying of cancer?

[55:08] Cool.

[55:08] It's been a while.

[55:11] And we learn that Antonio Medeiros has for years been writing letters to Javier.

[55:15] Which feels like a huge betrayal.

[55:17] Yeah, a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[55:18] Because he's giving updates to the man that abandoned his family.

Elliott Kalan

[55:22] And I have to assume that at a certain point he stops asking him to come back in the letters and the letters become really perfunctory.

[55:28] And it's like, dear Javier, hope you're doing good at that mechanics garage or whatever.

[55:32] Rodrigo's doing great.

[55:34] Isabel's doing great.

[55:35] Still won't sleep with me.

[55:36] She says she'll never love me the way that she loved you.

[55:38] Hey, so anyway, peace out.

[55:40] Cool.

[55:41] The olives are doing good.

[55:42] I noticed you never ask about them.

[55:45] Do you think there's the kind of scene where Antonio Medeiros has to break the news to the olives that Javier is going?

[55:51] Yeah, they just all fall off the tree in the morning.

Stuart Wellington

[55:54] He won't be here to stick you in his ears anymore.

[55:57] Yep.

[55:58] So at this point, this is where we realize that this was all just a long episode of How I Met Your Mother.

[56:06] Because Rigo goes jogging and he bumps into, I guess, a newly awoken Dylan Dempsey.

Elliott Kalan

[56:14] On the bench where she went to and had this dream vision of her mother's death.

Dan McCoy

[56:18] So this is a very eventful day for Rodrigo.

[56:21] He breaks up with his girlfriend, his mom dies, and he meets his future wife.

[56:26] Most important day of his life, they said.

Stuart Wellington

[56:27] Man, that's got to make, like, in their future life, that day's got to be a rough one.

[56:34] That's a rough anniversary to celebrate.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] Yeah, that's true.

[56:37] It's bittersweet.

[56:38] This also raises the question.

[56:39] So Dylan kind of, it seems, sort of, I think there's a hint that she recognizes him from her dream vision of seeing him as a boy in the bus when Abby died.

[56:48] And it's like, so did she get so mad and drunk that she tapped into the collective memory of the universe at that point?

[56:54] Like, did she eat that herb that lets her go to where her Wakandan ancestors live in the afterlife so she could talk to them about what happened?

[57:02] She probably did that.

[57:03] They shouldn't have cut out that scene because Black Panther was huge.

[57:06] If they could tie this into the Black Panther universe.

[57:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:09] So, and guys, then the real hammer drops, guys.

[57:15] We find out this was all a book.

Elliott Kalan

[57:19] It's a memoir called Life Itself.

[57:22] Uh-huh.

[57:23] Written by and being read out loud at a bookstore, at a surprisingly well-attended bookstore reading considering the quality of the material.

Stuart Wellington

[57:29] So it's, yeah, so we're now into chapter five.

[57:32] We're in the homestretch, guys.

[57:33] I don't know what the title was because I so angrily scrawled these notes at this point.

Dan McCoy

[57:38] Can I give you the two crazy things about this reveal?

[57:41] Okay.

[57:42] Number one, the daughter of Rodrigo and Dylan.

[57:47] Yes.

[57:48] Uh, who wrote this memoir.

[57:49] Uh, who wrote this memoir.

[57:50] And she, she's like, and they didn't spend a night apart for the next 42 years.

[57:55] First off, that is bonkers.

Elliott Kalan

[57:56] They just met.

[57:57] They're going to spend the next night together, too?

[57:59] Yeah, but also, like, for 42 years?

[58:02] Like, no one went someplace for a night without the other person?

[58:05] It really hurt both their careers because they could not do business trips.

Stuart Wellington

[58:08] It's, it's, it's especially complicated considering he has family on another continent.

[58:11] Like, they had to travel together all the time.

[58:14] Good point.

Dan McCoy

[58:14] That is 100% insane.

[58:15] But number two, depending, like, depending on when the movie starts.

[58:20] Yes.

[58:20] Okay?

[58:20] Like, this woman is either giving this, uh, book thing 42 years in the future.

[58:26] Or now.

[58:26] Or 63 years in the future.

[58:28] Oh, I, oh.

[58:29] Because of the 21 years, like, that Dylan was.

[58:33] Yes, Dan.

[58:33] So, like, there should be fucking, like, space boots or something.

[58:36] That's what was my case with the movie.

[58:38] It's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[58:38] Is that this movie, starting from Abby as a little girl through her granddaughter as an adult.

[58:43] Yeah.

[58:43] The movie all seems to take place in the year 2017.

[58:46] Yeah.

[58:46] And so it's like, everyone, it's like in a.

[58:49] There shouldn't be bookstores anymore.

Dan McCoy

[58:50] Everyone should be reading on their, like, fucking brain scans.

Elliott Kalan

[58:53] Because then I started thinking, like, so if that's now, was the rest of the movie taking place in the 1970s?

[58:58] Because they dressed up as Pulp Fiction.

[58:59] So maybe they're supposed to be in college in the 90s.

[59:02] Yeah.

[59:02] But everything else about it looks just like right now.

[59:04] Like, but then she would still be in the, in the 2030s when she's reading this book.

Stuart Wellington

[59:09] For only the moments where it's, it's explicitly meant to be a flashback.

[59:13] That's the only time when we get the feeling like something takes place in the past.

[59:17] So it, like, all takes place in this, like, nether constant world that seems terrifying.

[59:21] Because I don't want to be trapped in fucking 2018.

[59:24] No, that would be terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[59:25] It's like the worst thing ever.

[59:26] Like, that's the true tragedy of this movie.

[59:28] There was some kind of Kurt Vonnegut style time quake and Trump remains president for the next hundred years or something.

[59:34] It, like, the, it's, it's such a weird, it's a weird choice.

[59:37] And he does it so that, to keep you off balance.

[59:40] Yeah.

[59:40] So you can't in your head know what the timeline is until the very end.

[59:43] But instantly you're like, hold on a second.

[59:45] So, like, what is going on in this world?

[59:48] Or, like, is, is technology cyclical?

[59:50] And everyone decided they hated e-readers and stuff like that?

Stuart Wellington

[59:53] Well, and guys, I, I haven't attended a lot of book readings.

[59:56] But is it usually the decision of the author to basically read the last book?

[1:00:00] Well, the, and specifically, like, the last chapter?

[1:00:03] Like, to finish it up?

[1:00:04] Like, oh, well, we're all done.

[1:00:05] You don't have to buy it.

[1:00:06] I'll be accepting returns in a minute.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:08] Well, that's like the, uh.

[1:00:09] I assume she read the entire book except for the Sam Jackson narrative part.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:12] I mean, it.

[1:00:13] No, she.

[1:00:13] Yeah, she played that off of the tape.

[1:00:14] They brought Sam Jackson in for that.

[1:00:16] I mean, there was, when Jonathan Lethem's book, Chronic City, came out.

[1:00:19] He did do a stunt where over a series of, I think, nine readings, he read through the entirety of the book.

[1:00:25] But that was explicitly a stunt.

[1:00:27] Yeah.

[1:00:27] And it was like, people would go and sit all night listening to this.

[1:00:30] So it's like, unless she's doing that, in which case she's just ripping off Jonathan Lethem, which is crazy.

[1:00:36] Like, it's, yeah, usually you don't read the very end of the book and then go, close and go, and that's the book.

[1:00:40] But it's like.

[1:00:41] We did it.

[1:00:41] Somebody, I forget who it was, tweeted something about like, I'm a college professor in the movie.

[1:00:45] I don't get to the point of my lesson until the very last minute and then I yell at you to do your homework as you're walking out.

[1:00:49] Like, that's what this feels like where it's like, a real book reading wouldn't go like this, but I really need to do it for my movie this way.

[1:00:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:55] And there's like one last flashback where we see like the dying mom talk to Rodrigo and she gives him some advice.

[1:01:01] But the crazy thing about.

[1:01:02] It doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:04] The crazy thing is she's giving this speech to him when he's a little boy.

[1:01:08] So was she dying for his whole life?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:11] Well, no.

[1:01:12] So here's my take on that.

[1:01:13] Or did he morph?

[1:01:14] Yes.

[1:01:14] My take on that.

[1:01:15] He morphed?

[1:01:16] You can morph?

[1:01:16] My take on that.

[1:01:17] And this is the one, like how Sherry Dickstein is the one moment in the movie where I was like, actually, this might not be so terrible.

[1:01:23] This is the one technical thing he does in the movie that I really like a lot.

[1:01:26] So she's giving him this speech about you need to go to college.

[1:01:28] You can't stay with me while I'm dying.

[1:01:30] And it's a terrible speech.

[1:01:31] And I have to give the actress, I forget her name, playing Isabella credit because it is all in one take.

[1:01:35] It is terrible.

[1:01:36] And she really does a good job performing what is a very poorly written speech.

[1:01:39] But life has its ups and downs, but love is always there.

[1:01:42] And I'm always going to live on through you.

[1:01:44] So when you live your life, I'm living that life.

[1:01:47] So I need you to go and live this life for me.

[1:01:49] And then she's talking to him as he's about to go off to college.

[1:01:52] And then it cuts back to him, and he's a little boy, and he hugs her.

[1:01:55] And I'm like – in that moment, I'm like, okay.

[1:01:58] That is like – we're seeing his emotion right there.

[1:02:00] We're not seeing him physically.

[1:02:01] We're seeing his relationship to her in that moment even though no matter how much he grows up, he'll always be her son, always be her child.

[1:02:07] And she has the only place he can find that – like he's had so much trouble being a boy since that bus accident, and the only place he feels safe and he feels comforted is in the arms of his mother, no matter how old he gets.

[1:02:20] And I'm like, oh, that's a – like that was a genuinely like – if this was a better movie, I'd be like, that's a beautiful – it reminded me of at the end of the movie Tempopo.

[1:02:27] It was all about people eating.

[1:02:29] The shot over the credits is just a mother nursing a baby.

[1:02:33] And it's – I found it so powerful because it was like, oh, that's what people are searching for when they're looking for food their entire life is they want that first meal when they were feeding off their mother and what they were eating was the love and care of another human being.

[1:02:47] And like you'll never feel that connection from food that you felt when you were feeding from your mother's breast, but you're searching for it.

[1:02:53] And everyone –

[1:02:54] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:54] It's like that first bump.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:56] Yeah, exactly.

[1:02:57] That's the first – and that high, you never reach it again.

[1:02:59] And so in that moment I was like that's kind of a beautiful way for – I felt like for him to show the thing.

[1:03:04] But it's done really haphazardly.

[1:03:05] So it's possible I'm wrong and it turns out that's not what he meant.

[1:03:09] It does seem like he morphed into his young self.

[1:03:12] Like Michael Jackson at the end of the black or white video.

[1:03:15] He's just changing shape as he finds his ultimate form.

[1:03:18] Yeah, yeah.

[1:03:19] A panther.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:20] Yeah.

[1:03:21] It's all – a Perotian figure decides on panther.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:25] Panther who then breaks a car for no reason.

[1:03:28] I think he has a reason.

[1:03:28] Do you guys remember when that video came out and there's that whole sequence thing where he's smashing up a car while yelling and people –

[1:03:33] And he's constantly grabbing his crotch.

[1:03:34] And people reacted as if this was the most offensive thing they'd ever seen.

[1:03:39] No, there's a huge freakout.

[1:03:40] A huge freakout.

[1:03:40] And looking back I still don't understand what the problem was.

[1:03:43] Was it the crotch or was it the violence?

[1:03:45] And it's like – I'm like all he's doing is trying to get some extra points after a Street Fighter match by smashing up that car.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:50] Like what's the big deal?

[1:03:51] It's a bonus round, dude.

[1:03:52] I remember well because it was like – and now the debut – it was like right after The Simpsons.

[1:03:55] Like stay tuned for the debut of Michael Jackson's new video.

[1:03:58] Looking back it's like why did that happen?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:01] It was huge.

[1:04:01] It had Macaulay Culkin in it.

[1:04:02] Yeah, it did.

[1:04:03] People were like hold on.

[1:04:04] The titanic talents of Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin in one production?

[1:04:07] I got to see it.

[1:04:08] And then looking back it's like it was a huge buildup.

[1:04:10] And then looking at that video again it's like this is kind of a silly video.

[1:04:13] That it starts with Macaulay Culkin's dad getting mad at him about playing music.

[1:04:17] Macaulay Culkin blasts the music so hard that his dad's lazy boy recliner is shot across the world to Africa.

[1:04:23] And then there's some hungry lions looking at him.

[1:04:25] So I guess it's implied the dad is eaten.

[1:04:27] And then of course the song starts.

[1:04:29] It's like what is going on in this thing?

[1:04:32] So he hugs her in what I found to be beautiful.

[1:04:35] It's very confusing.

[1:04:36] And it's okay we've just heard this stupid speech that sums up the movie.

[1:04:39] Movie over right?

[1:04:40] No.

[1:04:41] Because his daughter finishing her book has to do the same speech basically.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:46] Yeah, it's the same speech.

[1:04:47] We get some like Benjamin Button style shots from characters previous in the movie.

[1:04:52] And then like it ends with Oscar, Isaac, and Olivia Wilde.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:57] Just saying, hey, what's up?

[1:04:58] Just being like, hey.

[1:05:00] Doing that thing that couples do in movies where they wake up and go, hey.

[1:05:04] Or they finish sex and look at each other's eyes and go, hi.

[1:05:07] It's like, I hate it so much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:11] Okay, I'll write this note down, Ellen.

[1:05:14] Next time we have sex I won't say hi.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:15] Stop looking at my eyes and going, hi.

[1:05:17] It's like, I know you're here.

[1:05:18] We just had sex.

[1:05:20] I didn't black out from my orgasm and now I have to remember what's going on and where I am.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:24] It's a good beginning of my mental.

[1:05:26] What am I doing?

[1:05:27] I'm not Dana Carvey in blank slate.

[1:05:30] Wait, he's a blank slate because he comes too hard?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:34] I never saw the movie.

[1:05:35] I assume that's the case.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:37] Oh, wow.

[1:05:39] Bussin makes someone feel good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:42] Makes someone feel curious and confused.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:45] So, guys, that was life itself.

[1:05:46] I think that's the whole movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:47] That's the whole movie.

[1:05:48] I did want to take a moment to tell you guys again.

[1:05:50] On the record about a dream I had the other night, which I told you about yesterday.

[1:05:53] I had a dream where Stan Lee presented his first pitch for the powers for the X-Men.

[1:05:57] And the only one who was still the same was Angel.

[1:05:59] And the rest were all different.

[1:06:00] And one of the X-Men's power was that he could make women come with his mind.

[1:06:04] And Martin Goodman, the owner of Marvel, was like, you've got to change this, Stan.

[1:06:08] Like, this is for children.

[1:06:10] We can't let that be his power.

[1:06:12] The only other character I remember, his power was that he was really sticky.

[1:06:18] So, this is a dream I had.

[1:06:20] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:20] And the fact that you can be achieved by covering yourself with gum.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:25] You say that as if that's super easy to do.

[1:06:28] All you have to do is cover yourself in gum.

[1:06:30] Like, that takes a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:34] Haven't you watched Dan's two-minute-long life hack video?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:39] Here's a life hack.

[1:06:40] If you're not sticky enough, just take ordinary gum and apply it to every square inch of your body.

[1:06:45] Remember to leave one inch open so that your skin can breathe so you don't die like the woman in Goldfinger.

[1:06:50] Or as I call it, Gumfinger.

[1:06:53] The movie in which James Bond has to stop Arik, Gumfinger, from stealing all the gum in Fort Wrigley.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:00] Okay.

[1:07:01] So, that was life itself.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:03] Stuart, you did a fantastic job of summarizing a very difficult question.

[1:07:06] Thanks, guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:07] Let's do final judgments.

[1:07:09] Was this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[1:07:11] Stuart, what do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:14] It's tough.

[1:07:14] I think, I wish this movie was sillier so it would be a good, bad movie.

[1:07:18] I mean, this is, this might be, this is worse than Gotti.

[1:07:21] Like, this is a bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:23] No, we owe Gotti a big apology.

[1:07:24] This was much worse than that, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:26] So, no, I think this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:07:28] I don't think it's silly enough or fun enough to watch to make it a good, bad movie.

[1:07:32] I guess it's curious because of how terrible it is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:36] I'm going to say, Stuart, when I, the first half of this movie, I was like, this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:07:39] I hate it.

[1:07:40] And by the end of the movie, I was like, you know what, movie?

[1:07:42] You're so crazy.

[1:07:43] I'm going to call you a good, bad movie.

[1:07:45] I think if you watch it by yourself, you're going to get mad.

[1:07:47] But if you watch it with people where you can be like, what?

[1:07:49] Huh?

[1:07:50] What?

[1:07:50] There are times when I was like, Book of Henry, move over.

[1:07:53] There's a new crappy movie in town.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:55] Yeah, I watched it together.

[1:07:56] And the more we talked about it, the more we had a sneaking affection for it.

[1:08:00] We're just like, that movie was so crazy and so weird.

[1:08:03] And there was so much shit that went on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:05] And it's a movie that thinks it is so profound and so clever.

[1:08:08] And it's very dumb and hollow.

[1:08:11] And so it's got that perfect sweet spot.

[1:08:15] Once you've seen the whole thing with another person, I guess, between intention and execution,

[1:08:20] where it's like, I'm going to blow people's minds with a statement about love and Bob Dylan

[1:08:25] and family that just is a capstone on human achievement.

[1:08:29] And then you watch it and you're like, what?

[1:08:31] Where's Sherry Dick's scene?

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:32] I feel like in some ways, this actually makes a really good date movie because you will have

[1:08:36] a blast talking about it afterwards.

[1:08:38] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:40] Yeah, I'm giving it a good bet personally.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:42] And it's also like...

[1:08:43] Oh, you turned into a cat?

[1:08:45] Give me that right.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:46] Turn into a cat woman.

[1:08:47] Turn into a cat woman.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:53] I guess we're all doing morphs now.

[1:08:56] Cool.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:56] I wish somebody told me.

[1:08:57] That movie wasn't a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:58] Thanks, Brian.

[1:09:01] I mean, I feel like it's also a good way if you're on a date, if it turns out the other

[1:09:05] person loved the movie and really connected with it, you're like, uh, maybe...

[1:09:09] Check, please.

[1:09:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:17] Is there a dog in a car at a bar on the street?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:21] Yay!

[1:09:22] I'm Alec Baringo, a small dog owner.

[1:09:24] My dog, Pistachio, howls when she's excited.

[1:09:26] And I'm Rene Culvert, a big dog owner.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:28] My dog, Tugboat, tips over when he's sleepy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:30] And we co-host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog that airs every Tuesday.

[1:09:33] We bring you all things dog.

[1:09:35] Yes.

[1:09:35] Dog news.

[1:09:36] Dog tech.

[1:09:37] Dogs we met this week.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:38] We also have pretty famous guests on butt legs.

[1:09:40] We're not going to let them talk about their projects.

[1:09:42] No.

[1:09:42] Just want to hear about those dogs.

[1:09:44] We don't want to hear about your stuff.

[1:09:45] Only your dogs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:45] So join us every Tuesday on MaxFun.

S4

[1:09:51] Hello, this is Amy Mann.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:53] And I'm Ted Leo.

S4

[1:09:54] And we have a podcast called The Art of Process.

[1:09:57] We're talking about how the creative process is in itself an art form, in our opinion.

[1:10:02] There are underlying forms and structures that serve as a scaffolding for any creative endeavor.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:07] We've been lucky enough over the past year to talk to some of our friends and acquaintances

[1:10:11] from across the creative spectrum to find out how they actually work.

S4

[1:10:14] We weirdly don't know as many musicians as you would expect.

[1:10:17] New episodes will be coming every other Monday.

[1:10:20] Starting January 28th.

[1:10:21] So please listen and subscribe at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:31] We have a couple of advertisements.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:34] Sponsors.

[1:10:34] Thank you, sponsors.

[1:10:36] Thanks for helping us stay afloat in this boat that we call the SS Flophouse.

[1:10:40] Toot toot.

[1:10:40] Dan, what are the commercials?

Dan McCoy

[1:10:42] Well, support from the Flophouse comes from Casper, a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize

[1:10:47] its line of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time.

[1:10:54] At Casper, mattresses are perfectly designed for humans.

[1:10:57] Good.

[1:10:58] Engineered to soothe and...

[1:10:59] I think, Dan, you mean purr.

[1:11:00] Perfectly designed.

[1:11:02] Engineered to soothe and cradle your natural geometry.

[1:11:06] What?

[1:11:06] I don't know.

[1:11:07] I'm reading the copy.

[1:11:08] Okay.

[1:11:09] Apparently we're a bunch of squares and cylinders and circles and...

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:12] I mean, an artist would tell you you've got to break down the figure into basic forms

[1:11:16] and shapes.

[1:11:18] So that's what Casper's doing.

[1:11:19] I mean, then you fill them out.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:20] You don't just leave them as like a...

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:22] Well, and that's what Casper does too.

[1:11:23] Silder, man.

[1:11:23] I mean, you still have geometry even if you're a person.

[1:11:26] Look, Casper, I'm on your side.

[1:11:27] You're the artist of mattresses.

[1:11:28] Okay.

[1:11:29] You can't spell mattress without the words, the letters that are in art, but the word

[1:11:33] itself is not like in mattress.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:35] That was pretty good.

[1:11:36] I like that one.

[1:11:37] You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100 night risk-free sleep on it trial with free

[1:11:43] shipping and returns in the US and Canada.

[1:11:47] We've talked about...

[1:11:47] I have a Casper mattress.

[1:11:49] Yeah.

[1:11:49] It's a delight.

[1:11:50] It's served me well.

[1:11:52] And I've had it for...

[1:11:53] You made that gross.

[1:11:54] You did make that gross.

[1:11:56] I didn't...

[1:11:56] There was no implication.

[1:11:58] It's the way it was your face.

[1:11:59] It's all on your face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:00] All you had to say was, I got a good night's sleep on it, but it served me well.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:03] It applies any number of uses for this mattress.

[1:12:06] None of them wholesome.

[1:12:09] Look, you can get $50 toward select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash Flophouse and

[1:12:15] using promo code Flophouse at checkout.

[1:12:18] Casper mattress.

[1:12:19] It's like sleeping on a ghost.

[1:12:20] Germs and conditions apply.

[1:12:22] And we also have one Jumbotron.

[1:12:25] This is for...

[1:12:28] And I'm going to mangle his name.

[1:12:30] Trutzel?

[1:12:31] Trutzel?

[1:12:32] Spell it out.

[1:12:33] It's true.

[1:12:34] Uh-huh.

[1:12:34] T-Z-E-L.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:37] Well, how would you say that?

[1:12:38] Stuart, why don't you give it a try?

[1:12:40] Okay, I got this one, guys.

[1:12:42] It is Trutzel.

[1:12:45] And the message is from Rob.

[1:12:48] I got that one.

[1:12:48] I think Andres got you a real wedding gift, but I figured this was more appropriate since

[1:12:55] you used to play the Flophouse for Shireen when you were dating, even though she clearly

[1:13:01] wasn't interested.

[1:13:02] I'm with Shireen.

[1:13:03] Plus, I wanted to hear how Dan would pronounce your last name.

[1:13:08] So excited that you found someone you love.

[1:13:11] You both mean a lot to Andres and I.

[1:13:13] Love, Rob.

[1:13:14] That's a lovely sentiment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:15] That is very nice.

[1:13:16] That's very sweet.

[1:13:17] I'm glad that you baked into it, Dan, being unable to pronounce certain things.

[1:13:21] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:21] Yeah.

[1:13:23] Every time you see a word that you've never seen before, you might not be able to pronounce

[1:13:27] it the first time.

[1:13:28] So this is going to be...

[1:13:30] It's true.

[1:13:30] So let's not be too hard on Dan.

[1:13:31] The guy's doing his best.

[1:13:32] God love him.

[1:13:33] Wow, is this like a setup?

[1:13:34] What are you doing?

[1:13:35] Stuart, Dan was hit by a bus.

[1:13:38] Oh, wow.

[1:13:38] But the baby survived.

[1:13:39] You're a father.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:40] Okay, well, I'm going to go see that baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:43] Oh, I thought we were going to see a movie.

[1:13:44] Where is it?

[1:13:44] I mean, I left it at home because I didn't think you'd want to see it.

[1:13:47] You left it at home?

[1:13:49] I mean...

[1:13:50] Alone?

[1:13:51] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:51] Is the cat taking care of it?

[1:13:53] What is going on?

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:53] I figured if the wet bandits stopped by, the baby could just set up some traps.

[1:13:57] But Stuart, your reaction to it was the regular human reaction of, well, I still love this

[1:14:01] baby.

[1:14:01] Mm-hmm.

[1:14:01] I still love this baby, yeah.

[1:14:02] As opposed to the Oscar Isaac reaction, which is, I'll never see this baby again, and I have

[1:14:06] to have my horsemen attack the X-Men.

[1:14:09] I guess I'll make a robot baby.

[1:14:11] What other Oscar Isaac movies are there?

[1:14:13] A little movie called Star Wars.

[1:14:16] Oh, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

[1:14:17] And then he's like, oh, I don't trust Laura Dern.

[1:14:19] Maybe she has a baby.

[1:14:20] A little movie called Ex Machina.

[1:14:22] I mentioned robots.

[1:14:23] Keep moving.

[1:14:24] Annihilation.

[1:14:25] He's like, sometimes I have a southern accent and sometimes I don't.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:28] The Coen Brothers one where he's a singer guy about Bob Dylan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:33] Inside Llewyn Davis.

[1:14:34] Inside Llewyn Davis.

[1:14:35] Yeah.

[1:14:35] He's like, let me sing you a song.

[1:14:37] A Most Violent Year.

[1:14:39] Is that what those are?

[1:14:39] Yeah, I like that one.

[1:14:40] That one's all right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:41] It's got a great car chase in it.

[1:14:43] And it's got some great outfits.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:44] Yeah, that's true.

[1:14:46] Outfits and interior design, I give that movie 100%.

[1:14:49] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:50] So this episode is going to come out one day before we have our live show in Brooklyn, so

[1:14:55] we should still promote that.

[1:14:56] We definitely should.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:57] February 3rd, Super Bowl Sunday in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:01] Maybe you were a New Orleans fan who is feeling maybe not as interested to watch this sham

[1:15:07] of a Super Bowl.

[1:15:08] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:09] The shamper bowl, let's call it.

[1:15:10] Doors open at 7 for an 8 o'clock show.

[1:15:13] Get there early to get a seat if you like that sort of thing.

[1:15:15] Yeah, because-

[1:15:15] And by that sort of thing, I mean sitting down.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:17] If you don't like standing and like having-

[1:15:19] If you like resting the pressure of your body on your butt instead of your feet, get there

[1:15:23] early.

[1:15:23] As the Bell House people may know, it is a mostly standing room place, but it's also got

[1:15:27] some seats.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:28] Make sure you bring identification because they are very big about carding.

[1:15:32] They do card.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:34] If they were a pop artist, they'd be Cardi B.

[1:15:38] Oh, okay.

[1:15:38] If they were a famous person famous for being famous, they would be Kim Kardashian.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:44] If they were a sci-fi writer with, say, let's say bad political views, they'd be Orson

[1:15:49] Scott Card.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:50] And if they were in Star Trek, they'd be Robert Picardo.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:54] Cool.

[1:15:54] That's all he's from.

[1:15:55] If they were in Freaks and Geeks, they'd be Linda-

[1:15:56] Why did he say Gremlins 2?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:58] Gordellini.

[1:15:58] I mean, more people know him from Star Trek than Gremlins 2.

[1:16:01] What?

[1:16:02] I don't feel at home in this world anymore.

[1:16:04] If you were the oppressor of the Huguenots in France, they'd be Cardinal Richelieu.

[1:16:14] So.

[1:16:14] If they were Harrison Ford's character in Blade Runner, they'd be Deckard.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:19] If they were a show that I haven't watched for a long time, it would be House of Cards.

[1:16:24] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:25] If they were a game that I don't enjoy that much, but a lot of people I know enjoy it,

[1:16:28] so I end up having to play it, they'd be Cards Against Humanity.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:31] They're my dad's favorite sports team.

[1:16:33] They would be the Cardinals.

[1:16:34] Oh, cool.

[1:16:35] He did Cardinal Richelieu, but that's still good.

[1:16:37] That's a little bit different, yeah.

[1:16:38] It's still good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:38] But the point is, we're going to be talking about the Happy Time Murders.

[1:16:41] Sunday, February 3rd, Super Bowl Sunday, the Bell House.

[1:16:44] You know what it's like.

[1:16:45] Come on.

[1:16:45] Come on down and see us.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:47] So, as often as is the case in these hotel room episodes, I have not chosen the letters beforehand.

[1:16:54] Ooh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:54] That often happens when we're doing it regular, too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:57] Okay, this is off the top of the dome.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:00] Okay, so.

[1:17:00] Dealer's choice.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:02] This is going to be interesting or not.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:06] Hey, Peaches.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:08] This is from.

[1:17:08] So, wait, is this the letter?

[1:17:10] Yeah.

[1:17:10] You chose one, or are you just talking to us?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:12] This is from Eric, last name withheld.

[1:17:14] Eric Roberts.

[1:17:15] Hey, Peaches.

[1:17:16] Thanks for coming out to Frozen Ass, Wisconsin last night.

[1:17:19] This is a new letter.

[1:17:20] This is hot off the presses.

[1:17:22] Yeah.

[1:17:22] Which is good, because it's very cold out.

[1:17:23] We need something hot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:24] Dan has to wear an oven mitt.

[1:17:25] It's so hot.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:26] Great show.

[1:17:26] Made my birthday weekend.

[1:17:27] He's wearing it on his penis.

[1:17:29] Weird.

[1:17:29] Very weird.

[1:17:30] Made my birthday weekend complete.

[1:17:32] The only bad part was when you said, let's have two, no, three more questions when I was

[1:17:36] number four in line.

[1:17:37] Oh, man.

[1:17:38] I'm sorry.

[1:17:38] That was my mistake.

[1:17:39] I should have said four questions.

[1:17:41] And then we could have had a Passover Seder.

[1:17:43] Anyway, here's the question I was going to ask.

[1:17:46] The end credits for Venom have funky graphics with songs from Eminem and Run the Jewels.

[1:17:51] This makes me wonder, what are your favorite opening or closing credits, either visually

[1:17:55] or musically or both?

[1:17:57] Keep on flopping.

[1:17:58] Eric, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:00] I mean, I'm a purist.

[1:18:01] It's hard for me to fault any Saul Bass opening credit sequence.

[1:18:04] I particularly like North by Northwest myself.

[1:18:06] Northwest is great.

[1:18:07] And I love the psycho opening sequence.

[1:18:08] The music is amazing.

[1:18:09] And it's literally just lines going back and forth across the screen, basically.

[1:18:12] But it looks fantastic.

[1:18:13] And it somehow really sets up the movie you're going to see without actually showing you

[1:18:18] anything related to the movie that you're about to see.

[1:18:20] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:21] The movie Watchmen is pretty terrible.

[1:18:23] But I think the opening credits are super great with the Time Sayera change in playing

[1:18:28] over it.

[1:18:29] And it's just like seriously.

[1:18:29] Your favorite musician.

[1:18:31] And it's, yeah, it's like, if you have any interest in watching a film version of Watchmen

[1:18:38] or a TV version of Watchmen, which I guess is coming, just watch the opening credits and

[1:18:42] then not watch anymore.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:43] And I have to say, that closing credit sequence of Into the Spider-Verse, where it's literally

[1:18:47] just like tons of Spider-Men doing all sorts of crazy, silly stuff.

[1:18:52] I was like, this is exactly what I want out of the world.

[1:18:54] That was really fantastically done.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:56] This is a movie that's lost a little bit's luster for me, because it's just kind of nihilistic

[1:19:01] and who cares.

[1:19:02] But Seven, when I first saw it, an amazing opening credit sequence and very effective

[1:19:07] closing credit sequence just by running the credits in a opposite direction of the normal

[1:19:12] play.

[1:19:12] Yeah, I forgot about that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:13] Did you, were you like me in the theater and you like did a handstand?

[1:19:17] Because you're like, I must have messed something up.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:21] When I was in, during my brief time that I lived in St. Paul, I went to the art museum

[1:19:26] there and they had a presentation that was just about the art of the title sequence.

[1:19:30] They had like 30 title sequences and it was so much fun.

[1:19:33] I wish that like, I wish another place could do that again so I could go see something like

[1:19:38] that again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:38] I mean, okay.

[1:19:40] Maybe they will.

[1:19:41] I mean, any museums are listening, do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:42] A humble request by Dan McCoy.

[1:19:48] I remember one of them was the opening to Barbarella where like the letters of Barbarella keep

[1:19:53] like covering up her like bits and pieces.

[1:19:55] Yep.

[1:19:56] And, but.

[1:19:56] Very well put.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:58] Very, very sensitively described.

[1:20:01] Especially in the life itself episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:04] But it just, more than the title sequence itself, it just struck me how stupid the song is for

[1:20:10] Barbarella.

[1:20:10] Because like, Barbarella, cackle shell, there's a kind of something about you.

[1:20:18] My Barbarella.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:20] It's like, okay, this is so 60s.

[1:20:23] But it's not even from the 60s.

[1:20:24] Like, it's.

[1:20:24] Yeah.

[1:20:25] I think one, something that I used to not like, but I like a lot now is, is the big credit

[1:20:29] sequence at the end of the movie.

[1:20:31] I remember seeing High Fidelity and there was a big credit sequence like that at the end.

[1:20:35] And I was like, why would you put this at the end instead of the beginning?

[1:20:38] But now that they put, especially with like superhero movies, they put them at the end and

[1:20:41] it means that you can use the characters from the movie in the sequence without it being

[1:20:45] a spoiler.

[1:20:46] And it's kind of fun now to see these like kind of fantasias on the theme of what we've

[1:20:50] just seen in the movie.

[1:20:51] Like just design, just the characters being used as design elements in neat ways is really

[1:20:55] cool.

[1:20:55] It's like every, every super movie gets its own like James Bond credit sequence, but

[1:20:59] they can use anything in the movie because they don't have to worry about tipping you off

[1:21:03] the plot point.

[1:21:04] And the J and I should have mentioned the James Bond credit sequences, which of course are

[1:21:07] crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:08] Are they, wait, is there something about those?

[1:21:10] They're not just super normal credit sequences.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:12] I mean, they're usually have a lady silhouettes shooting abstract objects.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:19] Geometric bodies.

[1:21:22] This is from, let's see, Holly, last name withheld.

[1:21:26] Politely.

[1:21:27] It's titled Love Letter to Stuart Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:29] Oh, cool.

[1:21:30] I hope it's on my ex-girlfriend, Holly.

[1:21:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:33] Let's get down to business.

[1:21:34] Y'all just finished doing your live show in Madison, Wisconsin.

[1:21:37] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:37] It's kind of crazy that this episode is going to be all responses to Madison, Wisconsin.

[1:21:41] It's going to be released before that episode.

[1:21:42] Way before.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:44] We've got so many live shows to get to before this Madison show.

[1:21:46] Anyway.

[1:21:48] First of all, thank you.

[1:21:49] Second of all, Elliot, Dan, and Stuart, please don't forget to come back to Madison when you

[1:21:52] have the chance.

[1:21:53] Side story.

[1:21:54] My roommates and I pre-gamed tonight with some very delightful green and copious amounts

[1:21:58] of Tito's vodka.

[1:22:00] Cool.

[1:22:00] They pre-gamed for a popular concert and I for a live podcast taping of the Flophouse.

[1:22:05] While none of my friends wanted to join me in seeing the show, lame, I sat in my apartment

[1:22:10] after the show thinking I should send an email in this current state.

[1:22:13] I follow this story by asking, if you were to insert yourself into any college party movie

[1:22:18] scenario, what movie would it be and why?

[1:22:20] Feel free to include delightful stories of college shenanigans.

[1:22:24] I'll be ending this email with the most important part.

[1:22:27] Stuart Wellington might be the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

[1:22:30] While podcasts are mainly audible format, I have lived this long not realizing that Stuart

[1:22:35] is truly on par with Chris Hemsworth.

[1:22:37] Wow.

[1:22:38] I've seen him in real life.

[1:22:39] I may have been too intoxicated to ask for his hand in marriage too late, but I wish

[1:22:43] he knows that he is as beautiful and I would order him a pizza anytime.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:48] Oh, wow.

[1:22:48] Now, let me just say that Stuart may just have appeared that beautiful next to me and

[1:22:52] Dan, who are not at the same level.

[1:22:55] Gnomes.

[1:22:55] Yep, please.

[1:22:57] Yep, please.

[1:22:58] Knock me down a little bit more, Elliot.

[1:22:59] I just don't want you to get too big a head, Mr. Hemsworth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:01] Oh, man.

[1:23:03] Yeah, is he the most attractive Chris?

[1:23:05] I don't know.

[1:23:06] No, Chris Pine.

[1:23:07] Yeah, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:08] Yeah, look at those eyes.

[1:23:09] Oh, man.

[1:23:09] Just fall into them.

[1:23:10] Just beautiful blue diamonds.

[1:23:13] Blue diamonds.

[1:23:15] The problem with this question is, most college movies we've come to realize are irreprehensible.

[1:23:19] I mean, if I could go to any college party in a movie, I'd go to the college party in life

[1:23:23] itself to tell Olivia Wilde not to marry Oscar Isaac.

[1:23:25] Yeah, I mean, that's set her down a path of destruction.

[1:23:29] This is all going to lead to you being hit by a bus and your granddaughter is going to

[1:23:32] write a shitty book, so let's not even do this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:34] I mean, I feel like my college experience was closer to that movie PCU.

[1:23:42] Okay.

[1:23:43] But, no, I feel like my, I feel like, I don't know, whatever.

[1:23:54] I'd probably want to be in like Everybody Wants Some, a movie that I've extolled the virtues

[1:23:58] of multiple times.

[1:23:59] Yeah, that's like your fantasy movie.

[1:24:01] It's my fantasy movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:03] Yeah, I just see you thinking about like, oh, those were the days.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:05] Those guys seem like they had a good time.

[1:24:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:09] Maybe I'd go to...

[1:24:09] They don't seem that irritating.

[1:24:11] Maybe I'd go to that party in Revenge of the Nerds and be like, that's not your boyfriend.

[1:24:15] It's a nerd in a Darth Vader costume.

[1:24:16] Don't sleep with him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:18] Yeah.

[1:24:18] Revenge of the Nerds is a rough one.

[1:24:20] Yeah.

[1:24:21] I mean, I would basically be Ogre showing up yelling nerds over and over.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:25] Who knew that Ogre was the hero of the movie?

[1:24:27] Yeah.

[1:24:27] I'm looking up college movies.

[1:24:29] Sorry.

[1:24:30] Pitch Perfect?

[1:24:31] I mean, I could see you having fun singing rock-a-pella with them.

[1:24:35] That would be a delight.

[1:24:37] I don't have any like mini college stories.

[1:24:41] My friend Brian Davis used to have what he called soiree in his dorm room every Wednesday.

[1:24:49] Like literally every Wednesday, a dorm room party.

[1:24:52] And my main experience of those was half the time just stopping by being like, hey, I've

[1:24:58] got a paper to write.

[1:24:59] I'll see you guys later.

[1:25:00] So that's about the kind of partier I was in college.

[1:25:05] Yeah.

[1:25:05] I didn't go to any parties in college.

[1:25:07] Yeah.

[1:25:08] I was too busy living the life of the city.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:09] Why didn't you guys go to parties?

[1:25:11] They're fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] Well, I mean, I was in New York, so I was busy solving crimes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:13] Oh, cool.

[1:25:14] Yeah, yeah.

[1:25:15] You're delivering pizzas into the sewer system for the Ninja Turtles?

[1:25:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:18] For the Ninja.

[1:25:19] Desperately searching for them.

[1:25:20] Desperately seeking Susan all the time.

[1:25:21] Oh, wow.

[1:25:22] What a movie.

[1:25:23] There was a, I would be like getting ready for a party and then some brassy dame would walk

[1:25:27] in with a story and gams from here to heaven and I'd have to get involved

[1:25:30] and get involved with some shenanigans.

[1:25:31] Yep.

[1:25:31] A web of deceit and seduction.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:37] I'm still looking for another suitable letter.

[1:25:39] Vamp, vamp.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:41] Yeah.

[1:25:42] So, blah, blah.

[1:25:43] Blah, blah.

[1:25:44] We're vampires here in Madison, Wisconsin.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:48] So, why would a vampire be here, Elliot?

[1:25:51] Oh, that's a good question.

[1:25:52] Let's do some character work.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:53] Why would a vampire be here?

[1:25:54] I mean, what, what, are there, is there a movie set in the Midwest where it's like an

[1:25:58] ordinary Midwestern family, but they have one ancestor who's a vampire who lives in their

[1:26:02] basement and they have to keep him a secret.

[1:26:04] And they've been successfully able to do this for 200 years since the family came to the

[1:26:07] United States.

[1:26:08] Uh-huh.

[1:26:08] But now for some reason they're unable to do it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:11] Uh, wait, is, was that a rhetorical question?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:13] I'm wondering if that movie is this because otherwise I'll go write it.

[1:26:15] Yeah, go write it.

[1:26:17] Because I don't know that I've ever seen a Midwestern vampire movie except maybe like

[1:26:20] Martin, which is set in, I guess it's set in like Pennsylvania.

[1:26:24] It's not really the Midwest, but it feels Midwestern.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:27] And, and, and near dark is more Western, right?

[1:26:30] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:30] I would call it a Western vampire movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:32] Uh, so write in, if anyone has an idea, everyone knows of a Midwestern vampire movie, like a

[1:26:37] vampire in Brooklyn that's clearly not the Midwest.

[1:26:39] Yeah, it says it on the tin.

[1:26:42] Why did the movie come in at 10?

[1:26:43] That's what I want to know.

[1:26:44] Because it was a limited edition collector's one.

[1:26:46] Uh, okay, I found out.

[1:26:48] Because when they finished the movie, they, they put it in a can and they said, close this

[1:26:51] up, never open it.

[1:26:52] Bury it in the desert, a hundred feet underground.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:54] Put it next to those ET cartridges.

[1:26:57] Uh, this one looks interesting.

[1:26:59] A furry's response to Pottersville.

[1:27:01] Oh, that is interesting.

[1:27:02] Uh, this is from Steven, last name withheld.

[1:27:06] Colbert.

[1:27:06] Uh, greetings floppers, medium time listener, first time writer.

[1:27:09] Like it says in the subject line, I'm a long time member of the furry fandom.

[1:27:12] And I wanted to say a little something about our representation in recent topic movie Pottersville.

[1:27:18] In many ways, especially relative to previous appearances in other parts of pop culture of the

[1:27:22] years, it wasn't that bad.

[1:27:23] At multiple parts, it's portrayed as a weird yet pleasant little hobby.

[1:27:27] That people join, not for any discernible reason, but because it makes, it just makes sense.

[1:27:31] And whenever someone wanders into a group of furs, they can't help but enjoy themselves.

[1:27:36] Though one thing did get me thinking.

[1:27:38] Watching the movie I saw, as with any time furries appear in media, that it was outrageously

[1:27:42] obvious to figure out which fursuits were put together by the costume department and which

[1:27:47] belonged to the actual furries who answered the background extras, extras captioning.

[1:27:51] That's a very funny point.

[1:27:52] Real fursuits, among other things, generally have smaller heads, bodies that fit properly,

[1:27:57] and there's a general sense that it was made for a specific individual and not someone

[1:28:01] thinking that he's imitating the sports mascot aesthetic.

[1:28:05] So that leads to my question.

[1:28:06] Are there any niche hobbies you're involved in or know a lot about?

[1:28:09] Whenever it shows up in a movie or TV show, you can instantly tell if a person behind the

[1:28:12] scenes did their homework.

[1:28:14] What little things might jump out?

[1:28:16] Is it something more subtle than a character assuming that all video games are played by

[1:28:19] tightly clutching the controller close to the chest while waving it around?

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:23] Yeah, it's the James Gandolfini from the first episode of The Sopranos where he just holds

[1:28:28] the controller with one hand to play Mario Kart.

[1:28:30] I'm like, that's impossible.

[1:28:32] No man is that good.

[1:28:33] He has huge hands.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:35] Bonus round, since we furries love everyone, you three are welcome to join us, which means

[1:28:39] you'll each need a fursona.

[1:28:41] And while nobody can ultimately decide on the species except for you, allow me to offer a few

[1:28:45] suggestions.

[1:28:46] Very welcome.

[1:28:47] For Dan, the sloth comes to mind.

[1:28:50] As it matches both his desire to conserve energy at all times and his willingness to fall

[1:28:54] asleep in any occasion.

[1:28:56] For Elliot, the fennec fox is the clear choice.

[1:28:58] Oh, I would love that.

[1:28:59] Since those little guys will always make their voice heard above the crowd over and over and

[1:29:03] over again.

[1:29:04] I love fennec foxes.

[1:29:05] That's a good choice.

[1:29:06] Finally, for Stuart, since he's such a cool dashing rogue, at home in the pack or lurking

[1:29:10] in the shadows of the night, there can only be one option.

[1:29:13] The coolest and best animal ever to walk the earth, the raccoon.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:17] Oh, wow.

[1:29:19] He's a rascal.

[1:29:20] Thanks for all the smiles.

[1:29:21] Keep up the great laughs.

[1:29:22] Steven, last name of the house.

[1:29:23] What a great letter.

[1:29:24] With terrifying little hands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:26] It makes me kind of happy to hear that Pottersville was not as bad a depiction of it as I thought,

[1:29:32] at least from his point of view.

[1:29:33] Yeah.

[1:29:34] Because usually, I think when it's represented in media, it is represented as a thing that

[1:29:39] crazy people do that's really incomprehensible.

[1:29:41] Yeah, it's like the butt of the joke.

[1:29:43] But it is a good point that I hadn't thought about that.

[1:29:44] It's like, oh, yeah, if you really want to become this fursona, you're not like a goofy

[1:29:49] mascot.

[1:29:50] Yeah, yeah.

[1:29:50] Like Bucky the Badger is not a fursona.

[1:29:53] But, yeah, I could see being a fan of Fox those big ears.

[1:29:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:58] I'm trying to think of what my hobbies are for the first question.

[1:30:01] Like, I draw, I bake.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:05] It's not a dating profile, Dan.

[1:30:07] Like, you can think that in your head and then say out loud the one that applies to the question.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:10] Well, no, I'm just saying that drawing and baking are not things that I've seen represented

[1:30:13] where I'm like, that's all wrong.

[1:30:15] Oh, I guess.

[1:30:16] But you've seen, like, working in television, like, is often portrayed incredibly accurately.

[1:30:20] Yeah, but it's not a hobby.

[1:30:21] I, like, this is not really a hobby either, but, like, I've noticed, I like to sing karaoke

[1:30:26] a lot.

[1:30:26] And I've noticed that depicted in movies, or it's always, like, weird depicted in movies.

[1:30:31] Like, it's, like, often at a bar that's not being dedicated to karaoke.

[1:30:36] And, like, there's just, like, people singing, like, off in a corner of the room while no

[1:30:41] one else is paying attention to them.

[1:30:43] And that's not the way karaoke bars work.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:45] Yeah, you're used to getting up there, grabbing the mic, and then all eyes are on you.

[1:30:49] Yeah, commanding the room.

[1:30:50] I'm the star.

[1:30:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:51] I'm a big, bright, shining star.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:54] Yeah, I mean, I'm a bit of a tabletop gamer.

[1:30:59] And, yeah, it's pretty obvious when that stuff doesn't match up, whether it's just the way

[1:31:05] people talk about Dungeons & Dragons or the way they hold their toy soldiers when they're

[1:31:11] pushing them around the table.

[1:31:14] You don't actually see that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:15] I think the thing that gets to me a lot of times, less than it used to, as it's become

[1:31:19] more of a mainstream thing, but still somewhat, is the way comic book fans are presented in

[1:31:25] movies and television, or used to be, where it was like, they just wouldn't bother to do

[1:31:30] the research about the details of it.

[1:31:32] Something that actually...

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:33] That's why you love Big Bang Theory so much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:35] Ugh, God in heaven.

[1:31:36] Don't even bring me to that dark place.

[1:31:39] But, like, I mentioned this at the Madison show last night, where in 40-year-old Virgin,

[1:31:43] Steve Carell's supposed to be like this big nerd collector, and he has framed comic books on his wall.

[1:31:46] And the comics are clearly like new comics from the past year or two when the movie was made.

[1:31:51] And it's like, why did he frame that?

[1:31:53] It makes no sense.

[1:31:54] Like, at least have the set decorator look up like an old comic book and print out a copy of the cover.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:59] Maybe it's a rotating thing where he puts a different, his favorite comic of each year in the frame.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:04] Or like his book of the week.

[1:32:06] I go to my store on Wednesdays, I pick up my new books, read them all that day, and then I announce the best and frame it on my wall as my book of the week.

[1:32:14] There's also the moment in that movie when Cass McKeon finds that huge box of porn tapes in his house, and she's like, you must be a psychopath.

[1:32:22] And it's like, that's not the craziest thing for a guy to have.

[1:32:25] I mean, it's a big box of tapes, but like, if every guy who had that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:28] Yeah, I mean, if he was like a normal guy and kept it all in a trash bag.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:32] If he was a normal guy, kept it in a trash bag in a hole in his backyard.

[1:32:35] Yeah.

[1:32:37] I found, and also like.

[1:32:39] That was originally the plot of Frailty starring Bill Paxton.

[1:32:44] I'm also a serial killer, and a lot of the details of that has often gotten wrong in movies.

[1:32:48] But Dan, you were saying what goes on next?

Dan McCoy

[1:32:51] Yeah, the only other part of that question was the fursonas, but I think he nailed it so well.

[1:32:55] He did. I can't fight that.

[1:32:56] Yeah.

[1:32:57] What happens next is we give a few recommendations of movies you should watch.

[1:33:01] Movies we like.

[1:33:03] Instead of Life Itself?

[1:33:05] Yes, probably.

[1:33:06] Yeah.

[1:33:07] I'll go first, because this is a live show.

[1:33:10] I, of course, was on a plane.

[1:33:12] Oh, cool.

[1:33:13] So what did I watch?

[1:33:15] I watched Hotel Artemis.

[1:33:18] And before I get into this movie, just take a listen to this cast.

[1:33:23] I mean, this is not the full cast, but a few names.

[1:33:26] Jodie Foster.

[1:33:27] Dave Bautista.

[1:33:28] Sterling K. Brown.

[1:33:30] Jeff Goldblum.

[1:33:32] Brian Tyree Henry.

[1:33:34] Ginny Slate.

[1:33:35] Zachary Kinto.

[1:33:36] Charlie Day.

[1:33:38] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:38] I mean, come on, man.

[1:33:40] You're right.

[1:33:40] Any movie with a great cast has to be great.

[1:33:42] Just look at the original Casino Royale.

[1:33:44] It's got David Niven, Orson Welles, Peter Sellers, Woody Allen.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:47] It's nothing but great stuff.

[1:33:49] All right.

[1:33:49] I'm just saying, an interesting cast.

[1:33:52] Like, a lot of fun character actors there.

[1:33:54] Mm-hmm.

[1:33:55] So Hotel Artemis, it's about a hotel for a-

[1:33:58] For dogs?

[1:33:59] For dogs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:00] Oh, I'm so excited.

[1:34:01] Stars, dog, needle.

[1:34:02] Is that a hotel for gods?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:03] No, it's about a hotel that's actually a secret hospital for criminals.

[1:34:08] Uh-huh.

[1:34:08] Where they go to get patched up by Jodie Foster.

[1:34:11] Cool.

[1:34:12] She's like a night nurse, but for bad guys instead of superheroes.

[1:34:14] Night nurse slash surgeon.

[1:34:16] Like, she really, like, does everything.

[1:34:17] I mean, night nurse does real surgery in the comics.

[1:34:19] So, oh, I didn't know you were talking about a comic character.

[1:34:20] Oh, no, it's a character called night nurse who patches up superheroes in the Marvel Universe.

[1:34:25] And Jodie Foster is giving a performance that I honestly can't tell whether is good or terrible.

[1:34:30] Yeah.

[1:34:31] Because she's putting on this, like, tough old broad voice the whole time.

[1:34:34] And she's clearly having a ball doing it, though.

[1:34:37] And it's basically, like, it feels like if the hotel from John Wick got crossed with a little bit of assault on Precinct 13.

[1:34:44] Oh.

[1:34:45] Because it's, like, a criminal comes in and, like, other criminals are trying to, like, get in to, like, attack people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:52] But it's a neutral zone, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:54] Yeah, it's supposed to be a neutral zone.

[1:34:56] And Jodie Foster also brings a police officer in to patch her up, played by Ginny Slade at one point.

[1:35:03] And that...

[1:35:04] That seems like it breaks the rules.

[1:35:05] Yeah.

[1:35:06] Honestly, that thread kind of goes nowhere.

[1:35:08] Oh, okay.

[1:35:09] But it's a fun little movie.

[1:35:11] Like, it's a lot better at setting things off than paying them off in a satisfying way.

[1:35:18] But it's got a bit of that kind of John Carpenter, like, semi-low budget, fun little type science fiction-y vibe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:28] So it was fun.

[1:35:29] Cool.

[1:35:30] I'm going to recommend a movie called Stand Off at Sparrow Creek.

[1:35:34] It's a recent release.

[1:35:36] It's a tiny little thriller kind of cut from the Reservoir Dogs mold.

[1:35:43] It's set in the 90s in Michigan.

[1:35:46] And it's a group of militiamen who hear over their...

[1:35:49] Michigan militiamen.

[1:35:50] Michigan militiamen.

[1:35:52] I said it all without messing it up.

[1:35:53] Red leather and yellow leather.

[1:35:54] Yep.

[1:35:55] What did you do to die today?

[1:35:56] And they hear over their CB that a policeman's funeral had been attacked by a man wearing body armor and holding a machine gun like he is a...

[1:36:06] Or an assault rifle like he's basically just like he's one of them.

[1:36:10] And then they realize that one of their assault rifles is missing.

[1:36:14] And they start to turn on each other.

[1:36:16] And it's not a very violent movie.

[1:36:22] It's got some great character work and it's got a ton of veteran character actors like Chris Monke who was in Gotti.

[1:36:30] So yeah, if that sounds cool, check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:34] I'd like to recommend a movie from a couple years ago that's called Kumiko the Treasure Hunter.

[1:36:39] And it is a movie loosely based on an urban legend about a thing that people thought happened but didn't quite happen the way they thought.

[1:36:45] But anyway, it's about a Japanese woman who does not really fit into normal life and is having trouble understanding her purpose but sees herself as a finder of treasures.

[1:36:56] And she has become convinced that the money from the movie Fargo was a real thing, that that movie was based on a true story and that she has the clues she needs to find that money.

[1:37:05] And goes on this kind of last ditch desperate trip to America without any resources really and without knowing much English, without knowing what she's doing to find this money as a way of kind of bringing meaning to her life.

[1:37:19] And it's a very strange movie but it like – in that it gets really across the feeling of I thought being kind of isolated from the world around you.

[1:37:29] And you know the whole time that money does not exist and characters tell her that's not a real thing.

[1:37:34] That was just a movie.

[1:37:35] But she is so dedicated to this unachievable, very ridiculous goal that there's – it becomes something kind of noble about that pursuit even though of course it's doomed to fail.

[1:37:48] And it's a – I really liked it a lot.

[1:37:50] It's a movie that like – in the description where it kind of sounds like it might be trying – the description makes it sound like it's almost trying to be a Coen Brothers movie.

[1:37:57] But it is not trying to be a Coen Brothers movie and it's really its own thing.

[1:38:00] So Kamiko the Treasure Hunter.

[1:38:01] I liked it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:02] Cool.

[1:38:03] Three movies recommended.

[1:38:04] Now what, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:06] Now's the time when we sadly have to say goodbye.

[1:38:09] And I say extra sadly because it's always nice to see your faces in the same room.

[1:38:13] I mean I see Stuart's beautiful face all the time but –

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:16] The most beautiful face, Hemsworth Limel.

[1:38:18] Oh, my face is beautiful now, huh guys?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:22] Okay.

[1:38:22] I don't know why that was making you defensive but –

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:25] Oh, now I'm being defensive, eh?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:28] And you're a little Canadian at the end?

[1:38:29] Hey.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:31] I'm a defensive hockey player, I guess, character that I'm working on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:34] You're Saturday Night Live on this.

[1:38:37] This next character is named Roger the defensive hockey player.

[1:38:42] Hey, hey, oh, hey, hey.

[1:38:44] Oh, so you want me to hit the puck, I guess.

[1:38:49] Yeah.

[1:38:49] Yeah, great to see you guys.

[1:38:50] It's always wonderful to be in the same space.

[1:38:52] Uh-huh.

[1:38:53] Just exploring it.

[1:38:54] Just exploring the space together.

[1:38:56] Exploring each other.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:58] Exploring this hotel room.

[1:38:59] Exploring the weird pillow that they always put on the bed that's mostly decorative.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:04] Why do they do that?

[1:39:05] It's like every time I get on the bed I have to push that pillow out of the way.

[1:39:07] It's like this is not helping anybody.

[1:39:09] Yeah.

[1:39:09] I don't even like the way it looks.

[1:39:11] Hotels.

[1:39:11] Okay, this is a hot take before we go.

[1:39:13] Oh, wow.

[1:39:13] One of my classic patented hotel hot takes.

[1:39:16] Hotels.

[1:39:17] Enough with the big round decorative pillows that nobody uses.

[1:39:20] And back to you, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:20] Now it's time for Dan to deliver his patented hotel hot cakes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:24] Oh, delicious.

[1:39:25] There you go, boys.

[1:39:26] Oh, yummy.

[1:39:26] Nom, nom, nom.

[1:39:27] Now someone's going to write it and be like, I use that pillow for my back pain and it's

[1:39:31] necessary for me.

[1:39:32] And I'll be like, I'm sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:34] Yeah, so everyone, go to MaximumFun.org, check out other great podcasts on our network.

[1:39:40] Thank you, network, for having us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:42] Yeah.

[1:39:42] And if you liked this episode, please go to iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcasts

[1:39:47] and leave us a review, a five-star review, a thumbs-up review, some kind of positive review.

[1:39:52] We have so much negative reviews in our lives from our family members, from our friends, from

[1:39:55] really employers.

[1:39:57] We need some positivity.

[1:39:58] And also, maybe tell people about the show if you like it.

[1:40:01] One of the nice things about doing the show Last Night in Madison is people come up afterwards

[1:40:05] and they're like, oh, my friend got me into the show.

[1:40:07] Or like, I came with this friend of mine and I got him listening to the show.

[1:40:10] And it's just really cool that people have been spreading it by word of mouth.

[1:40:12] So thank you.

[1:40:13] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:15] And I guess that's it.

[1:40:17] Yay.

[1:40:17] Oh, wow.

[1:40:18] Ending big.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:19] For the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellingtown.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:23] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:40:24] I'm Elliot Kalin saying, life itself, keep that on life on the shelf.

[1:40:28] Oh, whoa.

[1:40:30] Should we say goodbye again?

[1:40:31] I can't believe you said that.

[1:40:35] Yeah, I'm kind of America's bad boy.

[1:40:38] So should we start doing the goodbyes again?

[1:40:40] No, that's it.

[1:40:41] See ya.

[1:40:42] See ya.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:49] On their phones.

[1:40:50] And in three.

[1:40:52] Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

[1:40:53] Two.

[1:40:53] Sorry, my mom texted me, dude.

[1:40:55] I'll tell her to shut up.

[1:40:58] Lord.

[1:40:59] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:02] What?

[1:41:03] Suddenly you went for the Walnut Council?

[1:41:04] Yeah.

[1:41:05] I'm Dan McCoy for Walnuts saying, cram it with walnuts.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:11] Maximumfun.org.

[1:41:12] Comedy and culture.

[1:41:13] Artist owned.

[1:41:14] Listener supported.

Ep. #276 - Life Itself

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