Ep. #278 - Oscar Review Special

Dan McCoy

[0:00] And now for our special Oscar review episode.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] Live from the red carpet in Hollyweird, New York.

[0:09] Hey, what are you guys wearing?

[0:11] I mean, other than a cat.

[0:30] Hey, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:40] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Oh, hey there, Dan.

[0:42] Coming in right here is Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:45] And over here on the sidelines, it's Elliot Kalin.

[0:48] Boys, I guess there's no stars in heaven because they're all out here at the Oscars Flophouse Oscar Special 2019.

Dan McCoy

[0:56] And as we all know, the Oscar special on the Flophouse is a very special night when we do what, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] Well, Dan, look out into that crowd.

[1:07] Everybody's dolled up and you're like, they're here.

[1:09] They must be on a hot date.

[1:10] And they are on a hot date.

[1:12] A hot date with a man called Oscar.

[1:14] That's right.

[1:15] Oscar, the statue from the Academy Awards.

[1:18] He's come to life.

[1:19] He's terrifying because he doesn't have defining facial features.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] And he's wielding a sword.

[1:24] So it's just like a man with almost no face and no jimble.

[1:26] That's what he's holding.

[1:27] Let's just say that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28] Well, what did you think he was holding?

[1:30] I thought he was holding his stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32] No.

[1:32] It goes all the way down to his feet and it has a hilt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35] I thought that's why people liked him so much and wanted him.

Dan McCoy

[1:38] Anyway, I'm not actually sure why you're talking about the Academy Awards because on this episode of the podcast, we're reviewing the movie Oscar from 1991.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48] Now, does this have anything to do with the fact that the Oscars were actually last week?

[1:53] We're recording this the day of the Academy Awards, but it will not be released for another week, right?

[1:58] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58] Probably.

[1:59] What's your point?

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] Are you pulling back the curtain?

Stuart Wellington

[2:02] The red curtain and the red theater?

Elliott Kalan

[2:04] Let me just give you my Oscar roundup for the actual Academy Awards.

[2:09] Keeping in mind, this is the morning of the Academy Awards.

[2:11] You okay, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[2:13] I've had a cough for like two months.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Okay, well, make sure to do it on mic.

Dan McCoy

[2:17] I actually turned away from the microphone.

[2:20] Well, I still heard it really loud.

[2:22] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[2:23] Yeah, Dan, do you have a second mic?

Dan McCoy

[2:24] Do you have a cough mic under the table?

[2:27] If Elliot hadn't brought attention to it, we all could have lived our lives.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] Nope, we all would have died because of your cough because you have the plague.

[2:35] Dan, this is the hardest part of my job as an audio doctor.

[2:38] It sounds like you have the plague.

[2:39] I think you have exactly two hours to live.

[2:43] Just enough time to do our Oscar special.

[2:45] Because here's the thing, guys.

[2:46] The Oscars, we're recording this the morning of.

[2:48] The Oscars won't air for a few hours.

[2:50] But here's my awards in review.

[2:52] One, best picture.

[2:53] Went to the wrong movie.

[2:54] Best actor.

[2:55] Probably the wrong actor.

[2:57] Best screenplay.

[2:58] Probably went to the right person.

[2:59] And what about all those funny jokes?

[3:01] Boy, were they lame.

[3:03] In memoriam, they left out a couple people that everybody misses.

[3:05] And also, it was too long.

[3:08] Guys, what's these long Oscar telecasts?

Stuart Wellington

[3:11] That was eerily prescient.

[3:13] Or prescient.

[3:14] I don't remember how to pronounce it.

[3:15] Let's go.

[3:17] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:18] So, Dan, we watched a movie Oscar, right?

[3:21] The movie Oscar starring Sylvester Sly Stallone.

Elliott Kalan

[3:25] And what are we going to do with that movie, Oscar?

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] We're going to talk about it.

[3:28] Thanks for clarifying that it's Sly Stallone and not Sylvester from the Cracked Magazine.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] Or Sylvester the Cat.

[3:34] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[3:37] Yes.

[3:39] Yeah.

[3:39] We're watching an even more obscure thing than reviewing a cracked magazine.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] I mean, I think it's actually kind of appropriate that we're reviewing Oscar, guys.

[3:54] Not just because of the name.

[3:56] But actually, this movie was nominated for a couple awards.

[3:58] It was nominated for multiple Razzie Awards.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Yeah, including one I do not agree with.

[4:03] And we'll get to that.

[4:04] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] I think it's probably the same one that I don't agree with.

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] Oh, weird.

[4:08] Because normally the Razzies are so on point.

[4:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:11] I mean, keeping in mind that all awards are fake.

[4:14] And I say this as someone who just last weekend won a Writer's Guild Award for the Fake News with Ted Nelms.

[4:19] It's on the Comedy Central website.

[4:20] Go see it.

[4:20] Just Google Fake News with Ted Nelms, Comedy Central.

[4:23] As someone who just won an award, awards are all pretty much bunk.

[4:26] But the Razzies are the most bunk since they're – I don't even – I don't know who gives them out.

[4:32] They're not – they're pointless.

[4:33] They don't really go to the worst thing.

[4:34] They go to, like, the most famous thing that they can find that's supposed to be bad.

[4:39] But sometimes they give them to good things.

[4:40] What's that all about?

Dan McCoy

[4:42] I don't know.

[4:43] Let's ask Alfie.

[4:44] What's it all about, Alfie?

[4:46] Well, it's me, Alfie.

[4:48] I don't really know much about the movie that I was in.

[4:51] I think I slept with a bunch of women.

[4:53] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[4:54] Well, tell us about the Razzies then, Alfie.

Dan McCoy

[4:57] The Raspberry Awards was started by a gentleman back in 1910 who was very upset about the quality of the flicker he just walked out of.

[5:08] I actually don't know much about that either.

[5:10] I've been bonked in the head by a coconut.

[5:12] I don't know what my whole deal is.

[5:14] I don't know anything about the Razzies.

[5:16] I really should go to the doctor.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] So you're saying that – so the premise of this is that Michael Caine would have known quite a bit about the Razzie Awards if he hadn't been hit by the coconut.

[5:26] Who's Michael Caine?

Stuart Wellington

[5:28] Oh, wow.

[5:29] Wow, this coconut injury goes deeper than we expected.

Dan McCoy

[5:32] Anyway, let's talk about this movie Oscar, shall we, guys?

[5:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[5:36] Why not?

[5:36] Fire it up.

[5:37] This movie starts in fake movie land depression era.

[5:42] Everything looks super fake and fakey and fake.

[5:45] It's in Chicago, right?

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] It's 1931.

[5:48] It's probably Chicago.

[5:50] And everything looks like it's on a soundstage.

[5:52] The streets, the houses, everything.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Which I said – I mean I don't actually mind for this kind of movie.

[5:56] This movie is deliberately stylized.

[5:58] It's supposed to be like a screwball farce.

[6:01] So like the fact that everyone's playing dress up doesn't bother me.

Elliott Kalan

[6:05] This movie – the flaw in this movie is not that it lacks realism.

[6:09] Yes.

[6:09] It's not like I want to see the gritty real gangster days in this screwball comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] Yeah, like Johnny Dangerously.

[6:16] Yeah.

[6:17] Which I feel like they probably shot a lot of this on the same sets as Johnny Dangerously.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] I wouldn't be surprised.

[6:24] I bet you'd probably be right.

Dan McCoy

[6:26] So we meet our hero, Sly Stallone.

[6:30] He's playing –

[6:31] I thought you were talking about Peter Riegert.

Elliott Kalan

[6:35] Because he is the first star that we see is Peter Riegert, the pickle man from Crossing Delance.

Stuart Wellington

[6:39] That's how you know you're about to watch a comedy.

[6:44] I mean he is a very funny performer, Peter Riegert.

Dan McCoy

[6:46] Yeah, I know.

[6:47] I was being serious.

[6:48] It's one of the people I like the most in this movie actually.

[6:50] One of the – there's like five or six people I think really do well.

[6:54] But anyway.

[6:54] I mean this movie has an amazing cast.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:56] Okay.

[6:57] So let's keep the counter going.

[6:59] Number one person out of the five that Dan liked, Peter Riegert.

[7:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] Okay.

[7:04] Let's keep track of it.

[7:05] Now, Dan, what is Sylvester Stallone's mobster name?

[7:08] Because he's a dapper mobster.

[7:09] What's his name?

[7:10] His name is Snaps Provolone.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] Uh-huh.

[7:13] I'm laughing already.

[7:15] He's named after a cheese.

[7:18] And so he goes out with his –

Elliott Kalan

[7:20] Now, Dan, this is actually – that's one of those jokes – that's one of those current

[7:23] event jokes that is lost to us now.

[7:24] Because at the time, they just invented cheese snaps, which is how you would connect two pieces

[7:29] of cheese to make a sandwich out of them, like little metal snaps.

[7:32] And so people were like, oh, snaps Provolone.

[7:34] That's funny because nowadays we use snaps to connect our cheese.

[7:37] But that joke is lost to us now because we don't use that technology anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[7:41] It's like how in Fellowship of the Ring where Boromir picks up the shards of Narsil and he

[7:45] cuts his finger on it and he says, still sharp, which is both a joke about his ad campaign

[7:51] for, I think, Gillette, where he cuts his finger on a razor.

[7:53] And also because Sean Bean played the character Richard Sharp from the Sharp's Rifle series.

Dan McCoy

[7:58] Now, Ellie.

[7:59] Yeah, yeah.

[7:59] Ellie, you said we don't use snaps to keep our cheese together anymore.

[8:02] What do we use to keep our cheese together these days?

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] Oh, cheese Velcro.

[8:06] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] Anyway, so.

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] It's called, it's called Cheese Crow or Velveeta.

[8:12] And it's a like a, it's just Velcro that you attach to your cheese and it holds it together

[8:16] in a sandwich.

[8:17] Guys, are you like me?

[8:18] Do you have to use, do you have to, have you ever, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

[8:22] no, if you finish doing it, I'll do my bit.

[8:24] Wait, no, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] So wait, how do you, do you need to use cheese snaps to keep the Velcro connected to the cheese?

Elliott Kalan

[8:32] No, you use cheese glue to hold the Velcro on.

[8:34] Come on, guys.

[8:35] This is not new technology.

[8:36] Hey, has this ever happened to you?

[8:38] I want to eat a cheese sandwich, but it keeps falling apart.

[8:41] Well, no more.

[8:42] Now it's time for new cheese Velcro, cheese crow or Velveeta as we call it.

[8:47] Not associated with the spread Velveeta.

[8:49] That's a different thing.

[8:50] Now, cheese Velcro holds your cheese together and it makes a delightful tearing and ripping

[8:55] sound as if the fabric of the universe was coming apart when you remove it from the cheese.

[9:00] It's perfectly edible as long as you don't have too much of it because the glue is highly toxic.

[9:05] So just have like a little bit of that.

[9:06] But the Velcro itself is fine.

[9:08] It's made out of corn or something probably because of government subsidies.

[9:10] Anyway, cheese Velcro, hold your sandwich together today.

[9:13] Now, have you ever had this problem?

[9:15] My loose meat sandwich is too loose.

[9:17] The meat keeps falling out and rolling along the floor.

[9:20] That's why we have new meat crow.

[9:21] It's Velcro for little pieces of meat.

[9:23] Now, guys, it is not good for you.

[9:25] Do not eat it.

[9:25] But we're working out the bugs and someday we hope to have an edible version.

Stuart Wellington

[9:29] And I just want to throw in there.

[9:31] You didn't put in this disclaimer, but under no circumstance do you want to use cheese crow

[9:35] on meat because you will have terrible results.

Elliott Kalan

[9:38] No, no, no.

[9:38] Good God, no.

[9:39] That is a very bad idea.

[9:40] Very bad.

[9:40] For reasons I'm not allowed to say because of a lawsuit.

Dan McCoy

[9:44] So, anyway, Sylvester Stallone goes upstairs with his entourage to-

[9:53] Including Chaz Palminteri.

[9:55] Including Chaz Palminteri, number two.

[9:57] Number two of the people I liked.

[9:58] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[9:59] Later on, he has my one favorite joke in the movie.

[10:03] Sylvester Stallone has my second favorite joke in the movie, but we'll get to it.

Dan McCoy

[10:08] And they're going up to see a dying man.

[10:11] Lo and behold, it's Kirk Douglas.

[10:13] Wow.

[10:14] He snaps his father and he's dying and he's ashamed that snaps has been a gangster all these years.

[10:19] Kirk Douglas, who went on to live many years after this movie.

[10:22] The priest is Ralph Bellamy?

[10:23] Is that what you're going to say?

[10:24] Yes.

[10:24] No, Don Amici.

[10:25] Don Amici.

[10:26] Sorry, the other one.

Elliott Kalan

[10:28] The other one.

[10:29] They were in like two movies together.

[10:33] Sorry, Don Amici.

[10:35] It's true that at the time, Kirk Douglas was already an old man.

[10:38] Yes.

[10:38] But now he is a much older man and thankfully he's still with us.

Dan McCoy

[10:43] Kirk Douglas snaps his father, makes snaps promise that he will go straight.

[10:49] And he does this by method of slapping him several times.

[10:53] Well, that's what his gangster nickname slaps, provolone.

[10:56] Yeah.

[10:58] Because he loves slap bracelets.

Elliott Kalan

[11:00] Cut to one month later.

[11:02] Oh, wow.

[11:03] Wait, no, Dan.

[11:04] Cut to a claymation opera singer.

[11:06] Oh, yes.

[11:06] I forgot.

[11:07] A song from the Barber of Seville.

[11:08] I forgot.

Dan McCoy

[11:09] Yes.

[11:10] Cut to the most inexplicable use of claymation since Better Off Dead.

Elliott Kalan

[11:15] The opening credits are just projected onto a screen as a claymation opera singer sings, what's the old factotum?

[11:23] Whatever that song is from the Barber of Seville.

[11:25] The Figaro song.

[11:27] And he's really belting it.

[11:28] And I gotta say, it's great claymation.

[11:30] You never see this character again.

[11:31] And I really missed him.

Stuart Wellington

[11:32] Do you think, yeah, if he had shown up at the very end of the movie, do you think people would like that?

[11:39] Oh, we'll get to that later.

[11:39] Oh, they would have loved it.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] I mean, I was waiting for him to pop out of Snaps' pocket as his little magic friend, like that gopher from the Punky Brewster cartoon.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:46] But it never happened.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] Okay, so, sorry about that.

[11:50] I've missed the most important character.

Stuart Wellington

[11:52] And this also, you know, it's always fun to watch a slightly older movie.

[12:00] Because I like watching the longer credit sequences and being like, oh, oh, that person.

[12:05] Oh, it's nice to see that person.

[12:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:09] So, Snaps, a month later, he's trying to go straight.

[12:13] He's asleep in bed.

[12:16] I don't know if we need this many details.

[12:19] Well, but the point is, like, he gets awoken by someone saying it's a matter of life and death.

[12:25] Which we come to find out is true or not.

Elliott Kalan

[12:28] So, this is the day Snaps is going to meet with some bankers and buy into their bank and go straight as a banker rather than a gangster.

[12:36] Mm-hmm.

[12:37] Now, listeners of today would be like, what's the difference?

[12:39] There is no difference.

[12:41] Both of them are hoarders of capital who use their power to oppress those who have less capital.

[12:47] And the legal system has been designed to protect the holders of that power.

[12:50] But, Dan, continue.

Stuart Wellington

[12:52] Elliot, great.

[12:52] Now, all of our banker listeners are going to be turning off the podcast and then writing mean reviews about us right after they get done writing a mean review about Captain Marvel, a movie they haven't seen yet.

[13:02] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[13:05] Yes.

[13:06] Oh, and, Dan, who's playing the police chief who's out to get Snaps?

Dan McCoy

[13:09] Oh, Kurtwood Smith.

[13:10] Hell, yeah.

[13:12] Mm-hmm.

[13:13] Yeah.

[13:14] Who spends most of the movie –

[13:15] Of Robocop and that 70s show thing.

Stuart Wellington

[13:16] I feel like he spends most of the movie shooing pigeons off a ledge.

Dan McCoy

[13:20] He must have had, like, the most easy shooting of this whole movie.

[13:24] Like, at the end, he comes in and he has a little business to do.

[13:27] But otherwise, he's just looking through binoculars out of a fake window for the entire time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] And yelling into a phone.

[13:33] Yeah.

[13:33] So it's like – they probably shot most of the scenes in one day, I'm guessing.

[13:37] Uh-huh.

[13:37] Yeah.

[13:38] So, Dan, this person's there on a matter of life and death.

[13:40] What's going on?

Dan McCoy

[13:41] Well, it's a young accountant who I never quite understood whether I was supposed to sympathize with him or not.

[13:49] Yeah, good point.

[13:51] Because he's there on a mission of love, but as we learn later on, he keeps stealing money from Snaps and does not seem to be that upset about any of it.

Stuart Wellington

[13:59] So I'm like, this guy seems kind of a dick.

[14:02] And he's a tall, handsome guy.

[14:04] And so it's kind of tough to sympathize with those characters in movies.

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] Yeah, exactly.

[14:07] His name is Anthony.

[14:09] So we can refer to him as that as we go on.

Dan McCoy

[14:11] Anthony is there.

[14:13] I'm sorry.

[14:13] I think that legally I'm supposed to always say it.

Elliott Kalan

[14:16] Anthony.

[14:17] Uh-huh.

[14:18] Or Ant-ney.

Dan McCoy

[14:19] Yeah.

[14:20] Now, Anthony was there to ask for a raise because he is in love.

[14:26] And he asked for a significant raise from Mr. Snaps, his boss.

[14:32] Mr. Provolone.

[14:33] Mr. Provolone.

[14:35] Snaps, for short.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] It's like Mr. Snaps is like a maid in a sitcom would call someone by Mr. and their first name.

[14:44] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[14:46] And it becomes...

[14:48] Who is Anthony in love with?

[14:51] Well, it turns out that...

[14:53] Not turns out.

[14:54] Who do we think it is?

Stuart Wellington

[14:58] It turns out that he's in love with Snaps' daughter, which enrages Snaps.

[15:04] Uh-huh.

[15:05] Although...

[15:06] He's not allowed to murder him because he's going straight.

[15:08] This is his day where he's gonna...

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] And so every time his gangsters run in with a gun, he takes their guns away.

[15:13] Yes.

[15:14] Because he doesn't want them shooting anybody.

[15:16] And this eventually ends with Chaz Palmitari running in with a...

[15:18] With like a...

[15:20] A turkey leg?

[15:21] The leg and thigh quarter of a chicken.

[15:22] It's either turkey or chicken running in and using...

[15:24] Pretending that's a gun, which is...

[15:26] Yep.

[15:26] Pretty funny joke.

[15:27] I gotta say.

[15:28] All canned Palmitari stuff is pretty funny.

Stuart Wellington

[15:30] And there was a brief moment when I saw him run in there and I'm like,

[15:32] I get why people love having guns.

[15:36] Because they're delicious chicken legs.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] That's my favorite kind of gun.

[15:40] A chicken leg.

[15:41] So, okay.

[15:42] I'll just...

[15:43] Dan, I'll just say...

[15:44] So, Snaps is like, you don't make enough money.

[15:46] You can't be with my daughter.

[15:48] And he says, that's okay.

[15:49] I've embezzled $50,000 from you and I'm gonna give it to your daughter when we get married.

[15:53] And Snaps is mad about all this.

[15:55] And not in the Paul Reiser mad about you, that means I like you sort of way.

Stuart Wellington

[15:59] No.

[16:00] Mad in the Sylvester Stallone's voice goes from...

[16:02] Kind of low to very loud in the space of one sentence.

[16:07] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[16:08] Snaps being, even though he's going straight, like, even over and above the fact that he's going straight,

[16:12] he seems like a very reasonable gangster.

[16:14] Because he's like, after a while, he's like, okay, you embezzled $50,000 from me,

[16:18] but you're gonna give it to my daughter.

[16:19] Seems fair.

Elliott Kalan

[16:21] For the reasons of the plot, Snaps must be okay with this for the moment.

Dan McCoy

[16:26] Yeah.

[16:27] So, he's mostly okay.

[16:28] I mean, he makes Anthony go, like, walk around the block while he talks to his daughter

[16:31] and, like, clears everything up.

[16:33] Because he's also mad that it turns out the two of them are lovers.

[16:36] Which, especially at the time, he was not happy about.

[16:41] Yeah.

[16:42] And he goes up...

[16:43] So, Dan, tell us about the daughter.

[16:44] He goes up to see his daughter, who turns out to be played by Marissa Tomei.

[16:48] Uh-huh.

[16:49] Who is the third person I liked in this movie.

[16:51] She's great.

[16:51] And the person I liked the most in this movie.

[16:54] Uh-huh.

[16:54] And was very angry to see that she got a Razzie Award nomination.

Elliott Kalan

[16:58] Here's my theory about that.

[16:59] So, she is very good in this movie.

[17:02] Playing a very irritating character.

[17:04] Kind of like a loud, petulant flapper.

[17:06] And I think the Razzie Awards were like, this character's irritating.

[17:10] So, we're going to give her a bad actress award.

Stuart Wellington

[17:13] How dare she sit in bed and read Lady Chatterley's Lover.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] And listen to Cab Calloway music.

[17:20] Uh-huh.

[17:21] But this was, I think, her first movie, Oscar.

Dan McCoy

[17:24] Oh, yeah?

[17:25] She is so charming in it.

[17:26] And like, even with what you're saying about her being kind of an irritating character.

[17:32] But she's also super lovable.

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] Yeah.

[17:34] She's very...

[17:35] It reminds me of how after she won the Oscar for My Cousin Vinny, people were like, that

[17:40] was a mistake.

[17:41] That couldn't have been real.

[17:42] And it's like, why?

[17:42] Because she's hilarious in it?

[17:44] Yeah.

[17:44] Because she gives a hilarious, nuanced performance in it?

[17:47] It makes me mad just to think about it.

Stuart Wellington

[17:50] And like, steals every scene she's in?

[17:52] Yes.

[17:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:54] Anyway.

[17:54] And she's not stealing scenes from just anybody.

[17:55] She's stealing scenes from Herman Munster, guys.

[17:57] I remember I...

[17:59] She's taking her life in her hands.

Dan McCoy

[18:02] Yeah, you'd expect Herman Munster to come down and rip her limb from limb.

[18:06] Like you did on the show, right?

[18:06] Yeah, just snap her neck.

Stuart Wellington

[18:08] I remember when my wife and I first started dating my wife, who is, you know, born and

[18:13] raised in Brooklyn.

[18:15] When I...

[18:17] We had been dating for a couple of months, and I went back to Indiana to visit

[18:20] my parents.

[18:20] I remember one night watching my cousin Vinny just because it made me feel close to this

[18:27] woman I had just started dating.

[18:30] That's very sweet.

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:32] So, Dan, Marissa Tomei, she's a real flapper, girl of the 20s in 1931.

[18:36] Yeah.

[18:37] And Snaps is stifling her.

[18:39] He won't let her live the life she wants.

[18:41] So what does she do, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[18:42] Well, because she wants to get out of the house, as she keeps saying, and marrying someone

[18:48] is her best ticket out of that stifling house.

[18:52] She, at the suggestion of the maid, pretends to be pregnant.

[18:55] She says she's pregnant.

[18:58] So she'll have to marry this guy.

Stuart Wellington

[18:59] I like this maid because she brings a different accent to the table.

Dan McCoy

[19:04] She's Irish, everyone.

[19:07] Hooray.

[19:08] St. Patrick's Day is coming up.

[19:12] I love being comfortable.

[19:15] Just like blank stares.

Elliott Kalan

[19:18] I mean, I don't, I mean, what does that have to do with, I mean, I guess, even if someone's

[19:23] listening to this late, I guess St. Patrick's Day is still coming up eventually.

[19:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:28] The inexorable march of time brings St. Patrick's Day to our door once again.

Elliott Kalan

[19:34] Not to get onto a hot take, guys, that might offend people, but St. Patrick's Day is one

[19:38] of those holidays where I'm like, why does everyone give a shit about this?

[19:42] Like, I totally get why Irish people would love to have a day to celebrate being Irish

[19:46] and all, you know, all the great poetry and other things that that has to do with.

[19:51] But why should I care?

[19:52] Like, why do I have to care, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] Elliot's angry because he's part snake and snakes hate St. Patrick's Day.

Elliott Kalan

[19:58] Well, that's the other thing is that it should be called, actually, I won't even go into

[20:01] that joke.

[20:02] Never mind.

[20:02] That would have been politically correct.

[20:03] But I will say that, guys, yeah, why are we celebrating the lack of snakes in a place

[20:09] that desperately needs snakes?

[20:10] Have you ever opened up a can of peanut brittle in Ireland?

[20:13] There's just peanut brittle inside.

[20:15] Nothing jumps out at you.

[20:17] What would be in it?

[20:18] Like a totally realistic snake?

[20:20] Totally realistic snakes.

[20:23] But yeah, Dan, so you tell me, you're part Irish, right?

[20:25] Your last name's McCoy.

[20:27] Yeah, Scott's Irish, yeah.

[20:29] So, okay, sorry.

[20:31] It's a rich, you know, it's a rainbow of different cultures in there.

[20:36] Yeah, from white to slightly more white.

[20:39] So why should I, a Jewish person who has no Irish blood in me, care about St. Patrick's

[20:44] Day?

[20:44] Why do I have to wear green and get pinched if I don't?

[20:47] Which is an assault, sir.

[20:48] An assault on my very person.

[20:49] That's actually a good point.

Dan McCoy

[20:51] Elliot, don't you treasure all the blarney we've brought into your life?

[20:55] I don't know what blarney is.

Elliott Kalan

[20:57] I know there's enough to make a stone out of it.

[21:00] I imagine it's a kind of like, it's a kind of like, like, like a sticky, like a sticky

[21:05] fruit snack or something like that.

[21:07] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[21:10] Oh, so you study Ireland.

[21:14] Let's get back to this.

[21:15] Let's get back to the movie.

[21:16] So she pretends that she's pregnant.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] Yeah.

[21:19] Oh, but uh-oh, Dan, who's going to show up and throw a monkey wrench into the proceedings?

Dan McCoy

[21:23] I can only imagine.

[21:25] Wait, I'm not sure.

[21:26] Is that we're talking about Teresa?

Elliott Kalan

[21:28] Yes, Teresa.

[21:29] Is it Eddie Bracken?

Dan McCoy

[21:30] I don't really.

Elliott Kalan

[21:32] Here's another mention.

[21:33] Eddie Bracken plays a stuttering informant who's calling everybody up.

[21:36] I love Eddie Bracken.

[21:37] We've talked about that on the podcast before.

[21:39] Big fan of his.

[21:40] Saw him in a play once.

[21:41] He's in one of my favorite movies, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek.

Dan McCoy

[21:44] So I don't remember the order of a lot of these things.

[21:46] I'll be honest with you.

[21:47] So let's just go to Teresa.

[21:49] Okay.

[21:50] We don't learn the true identity of Lisa's paramour at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[21:57] It's okay if you don't remember the structure because structure isn't that important in a French farce, right?

[22:00] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[22:01] You just kind of jumble all the jokes together and it works.

[22:04] So Snaps, our entry point character, as we've all been, a gangster going straight, he now thinks that Anthony has impregnated his daughter and Anthony has this $50,000.

[22:16] But then another woman shows up and what does she say to Snaps, Dan?

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:20] Teresa.

[22:21] In a strangely flat and in an acting style that clashes with everybody else in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[22:26] Yeah.

[22:27] I have to say, I don't want to get down on individual actors.

Elliott Kalan

[22:32] But you do want to get down and get funky, right?

Dan McCoy

[22:34] I do.

[22:35] I want to get down on the floor.

[22:36] Everybody walk the dinosaur.

Elliott Kalan

[22:38] You do want to get on the scene like a sex machine.

Dan McCoy

[22:41] Yeah.

[22:41] But this woman, like, I actually, this is going to be harsher than it sounds.

[22:46] I looked her up on IMDb to see if she had ever been anything else because her performance is so much flatter than anyone else's.

[22:54] It's very strange.

[22:55] It's very weird.

Elliott Kalan

[22:56] And I think they were trying to, with her, I think they were trying to go with she's more of a, like, she's not part of this gangster life.

[23:02] Yeah.

[23:02] So I guess she, like, is more of a good girl sort.

[23:05] But, yeah, she comes off very, every time she enters the scene, her performance style is just so much slower and, like, calmer than everybody else's.

[23:14] And it really throws off the scenes.

Dan McCoy

[23:16] But anyway, she comes to reveal that she is in love with Anthony.

[23:20] She has been pertaining to be Snaps' daughter.

[23:23] Which seems ridiculous based on the way they enunciate.

[23:27] Yeah.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] There was a misunderstanding that's too stupid to explain.

[23:33] But, like, she's been pretending this all the time.

[23:35] And that's why Anthony's come looking to marry Teresa.

[23:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:39] She thought Anthony was a rich accountant.

[23:40] And she thought, he's not going to date a girl who's not rich.

[23:43] So I better pretend to be the daughter of the most famous gangster in town.

Dan McCoy

[23:47] Meanwhile, it turns out that Lisa is actually, her boyfriend had been Oscar, the chauffeur who has been fired at this point.

[23:56] And we later find out has skipped the country.

[23:58] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] And we later.

[23:59] In the army.

[24:00] We later find out that he is played by one of the scriptwriters.

[24:03] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:03] Yeah.

[24:04] Oh, I didn't realize that.

[24:06] Okay.

[24:06] So, in order to get back his jewels, which he now knows are, like, not going to come back to him.

[24:14] Oh, wait.

[24:15] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[24:15] It's not jewels yet, Dan.

[24:16] It's $50,000 in cash.

[24:18] Uh-huh.

[24:18] Which Anthony has told, at some point tells him, oh, I put them in the form of jewels, which I'm going to give to your daughter, who I'm in love with.

[24:28] It's not really.

[24:29] So, Snaps is like, I need this money back.

[24:32] And I also, and his wife says, our daughter's pregnant, you've got to find a husband for her.

[24:36] Yes.

[24:37] And let me just say, I don't usually like to make these kinds of comments, but the actress playing Snaps' wife is so incredibly beautiful.

[24:44] That it, like, every scene she's in, I'm like, I don't, she's like, I can't buy her as silly.

[24:50] She's beautiful in that, in that way that certain Italian actresses are, like that Sophia Loren type way.

[24:55] Uh-huh.

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:55] And I was like, I was like, you need to get a less beautiful actress for this part, because I totally don't.

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] I mean, she was in Flash Gordon, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[25:03] I mean, and they're probably a problem, too, as well.

[25:06] It was just really throwing me off.

[25:07] But I apologize that I was startled each time she was on by how much her real glamour beauty, like, clashed with the kind of fake old style of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] Yeah.

[25:18] No, I had to look her up, and I was like, did Isabella Rossellini have a sister?

[25:22] What's going on here?

[25:23] But, like, yeah, she's a lovely lady.

Elliott Kalan

[25:25] She does have a sister, Dizzy Bella Rossellini.

[25:29] And she's kind of like the goofy, clumsy Isabella Rossellini.

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] That's how she's available, is because she's so clumsy.

[25:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:37] But that shows that even though she's beautiful, she's relatable, because she's so clumsy.

[25:40] And that's why the goofball hero can attain her.

Dan McCoy

[25:43] Before we move on, this is not particularly important to the plot, but we have not mentioned that also because Snaps is meeting with these bankers, he has the Fanucci brothers.

[25:53] Is that their name?

[25:54] Yeah.

[25:54] Yeah, the Fanuccis.

[25:55] Or the Panuccis, I think.

[25:56] Panuccis.

[25:56] I think it's Fanucci, because I had the closed captions on.

[26:00] So Fanucci brothers.

[26:02] They're famous Italian suit tailors, and they're making a suit for Snaps.

[26:08] And one of them is Harry Shearer, and one of them is one of the guys from Jurassic Park.

[26:12] I can't remember his name.

[26:14] But they're very funny, too.

[26:16] They're also people, I think, are very funny in this movie.

[26:18] David Attenborough?

[26:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[26:21] I'm sorry, Richard Attenborough, not David Attenborough.

[26:23] Richard Attenborough is dead.

[26:24] Laura Dern?

[26:26] Newman from Seinfeld.

[26:28] Wayne Knight.

[26:29] Samuel L. Jackson?

[26:30] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[26:31] Is it a raptor?

[26:32] It's all of them.

Elliott Kalan

[26:34] Is he played by a raptor, Dave?

Dan McCoy

[26:35] They all went into Jeff Goldblum's fly machine and got merged together.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] That was a real machine?

Dan McCoy

[26:41] Oh, wow.

[26:42] And Jeff Goldblum got the patent on it?

[26:44] I also like the idea that it was a fly machine, that he was intentionally trying to do this.

Elliott Kalan

[26:49] He kept teleporting himself going like, still no flies.

[26:51] Damn.

[26:53] Now, here's the thing.

[26:54] Do you think they built a real working teleportation machine just for the realism of it?

[26:58] And then the studio was like, we cannot insure this movie.

[27:02] If you're using a real teleportation machine, you better build a fake one.

[27:06] The insurance bills are going to be through the roof.

Dan McCoy

[27:10] Yeah.

[27:10] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[27:11] So anyway, he's getting his suit made by the Fanucci brothers.

[27:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:14] And they're a lot of fun.

[27:15] A little bit of business that's fun.

Stuart Wellington

[27:17] But so it's basically a chance for Harry Shearer to do a lot of like a shut up a you face type jokes.

[27:25] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[27:26] So I'll just say this part real quick.

[27:28] Snaps manages to swindle that bag of jewels back from the accountant.

[27:31] But in the meantime, the accountant is like, ah, but I needed that money.

[27:34] I need that money.

[27:35] And Teresa overhears it and storms out because she thinks that he cares about the money more than her.

Dan McCoy

[27:41] Well, is this the moment where they sign different papers?

[27:46] Probably.

[27:47] I don't know.

[27:48] I feel like that.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] There's all this business with like exchanging bags and signing contracts.

[27:53] That Anthony signs a paper saying, I am the father of Snaps' daughter's baby.

[27:58] Yeah.

[27:58] And Snaps signs a paper that says, Anthony can have, what, $50,000 or something?

[28:04] Yeah.

[28:04] No, Anthony can have a raise.

[28:05] I don't remember what it is.

[28:06] There's a lot of like that farce business where there's objects that are changing hands.

Dan McCoy

[28:10] I just think it was important to make it clear that Anthony signs this paper saying he's the father of this baby.

[28:16] Because that's how Snaps then tries to wrangle him into marrying Marissa Tomei to give this unborn child that does not exist a father.

Elliott Kalan

[28:28] And he also says that the Fanuccis are famous assassins.

[28:30] Yeah.

[28:30] And that he'll send them after him.

[28:32] And this is – there's a thing here where the Fanuccis, they're really proud that one of their suits was in the newspaper.

[28:39] And so they have an article about a gangster who was murdered wearing one of their suits.

[28:44] And then – and Anthony is talking to them.

[28:46] They're like, oh, you – they're very proud of their work.

[28:49] They consider themselves artists.

[28:50] And they say, take a look at this.

[28:51] And they show him that article.

[28:53] And he takes it as more proof that they are assassins and carry around their press clippings.

[28:56] And I'm like, all right.

[28:57] That wasn't like hilarious.

[28:59] But it's like a clever callback.

Dan McCoy

[29:00] Yeah.

[29:01] It was one of the better farce wheel spinnings of the movie, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[29:06] Do you want to talk about how that turns into a kind of random jazz piano sequence where Anthony and the Fanucci brothers are playing jazz piano together?

Dan McCoy

[29:13] I mean, it's not really pertinent to the plot, but it is a lot of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] And it's – it's basically an excuse for Harry Shearer to like wave his finger in the air as if he's listening to a jazz – like a hop in tune.

[29:25] Yeah.

[29:26] That was one of the – few moments in the – that was like after the Claymation Opera Singer.

[29:30] That was the moment in the movie where I was like, what?

Dan McCoy

[29:33] It was amazing to see Harry Shearer act because as we all know in real life, he cannot feel joy.

[29:40] So to see that happen was –

[29:42] Wow.

[29:43] Wow.

[29:43] Really harsh, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[29:45] He's given you so much enjoyment over the years.

[29:47] He has.

[29:48] Spinal Tap.

[29:49] The Simpsons.

[29:50] The voice of that stormtrooper in the original Star Wars.

Dan McCoy

[29:52] His lengthy, unfunny radio show.

[29:55] Oh, wow.

[29:57] Oof.

Elliott Kalan

[29:58] Look, I just want to make it clear to Harry Shearer, the opinions of Dan McCoy do not represent the opinions of the love house.

Dan McCoy

[30:03] No, I love Harry Shearer.

[30:05] I just find that radio show inexplicable.

[30:08] You don't have to listen to it.

[30:12] No, the government is blasting it in to my house.

[30:16] They're trying to get me to leave my apartment, but I'm not going to do it.

[30:19] Uh-huh.

[30:20] Anyway, that was a weird thing to say.

[30:23] So –

Elliott Kalan

[30:24] So Anthony meets the daughter.

[30:25] Yes.

[30:26] Meets Marissa Tomei.

[30:27] Yes.

[30:28] Do they like each other?

[30:30] Uh, what?

Dan McCoy

[30:32] No, they do not.

[30:32] Do Anthony –

[30:33] They don't hit it off at all.

[30:34] They do not hit it off, no.

[30:36] No.

[30:36] Um, so, all right.

[30:38] This is where I lose the thread a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[30:40] So it's around now that they introduce an additional character in the form of Tim Curry playing Dr. Poole.

[30:46] Yes.

[30:47] Snaps his elocution teacher.

[30:50] He was a doctor of, uh, what, language?

[30:53] He's like – he's a real Henry Higgins type.

Elliott Kalan

[30:55] He's a doctor of speakology.

[30:57] Yeah, he can – like Henry Higgins, he can guess where anyone's from based on their accent.

[31:02] Yeah.

[31:02] And Anthony decides this is the guy who I'm going to – I'm going to palm Lisa off on.

[31:08] Yeah, because she dreams of seeing the world.

Stuart Wellington

[31:10] This lonely young hunk, Tim Curry.

[31:12] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[31:13] And now, Dan, I think you're maybe the world's number one Tim Curry fan, correct?

Dan McCoy

[31:17] Sure, let's see.

[31:19] For the purposes of this, let's say that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[31:21] Uh, did it feel as strange to you as it did to me when even knowing that Tim Curry was in the movie from seeing his name in the credits when he suddenly appeared, bringing an English accent with him?

Dan McCoy

[31:30] Mm-hmm.

[31:30] Uh, I will say that – oh, this is going to sound like such an insult about, like, a person's appearances.

[31:38] Tim Curry is a unique-looking fellow, but I've never seen him looking weirder than in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[31:45] They really make him look kind of strange, yeah.

[31:49] And that's keeping in mind that his first major breakthrough role that I can think of was as a cross-dressing vampire from outer space.

[31:57] Yes.

[31:57] And here he looks like even – if I saw Dr. Frankenfurter walking down the street, I'd be like, all right.

[32:03] But if I saw Dr. Poole walking down the street, I'd be like, that guy's got some weird issues.

[32:08] But anyway, they managed to –

[32:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:10] If I saw Dr. Frankenfurter walking down the street, I'd pick him up and carry him around because I'm wearing a gold underpants.

[32:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:18] So, at this point, it's important to –

[32:20] Wearing a gold underpants.

[32:22] That's what they call it, right?

[32:24] At this point, it's important to note that there's some farcical business involving identical bags and the maid leaving, quitting her job.

[32:36] Was this back in the day when they only had one kind of bag, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[32:38] Apparently, because there are three identical bags in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[32:41] They're all this black doctor's valise type bag.

[32:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:45] And one of them has underpants in it.

[32:47] One of them has jewels.

[32:48] And is there a third one?

[32:49] The third one has cash.

[32:51] Cash.

[32:51] Okay.

[32:51] $50,000 a cash.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] So, the maid is leaving and all she takes is her underpants.

[32:55] Yes.

[32:56] Which is – I guess she has one set of clothing and the rest is just underpants.

Dan McCoy

[33:00] So, this comes into play because Snaps is trying to convince Dr. Poole to marry Marissa Tomei and to sweeten the deal.

[33:10] He's going to give him a bunch of money so he can help his mom, so he can start an institute.

[33:14] And he –

[33:14] Oh, so –

[33:15] He dumps the bag on the table thinking that jewels are going to spray out.

[33:18] For money.

[33:19] But it's, in fact, ladies' underwear.

Elliott Kalan

[33:21] Uh-huh.

[33:22] And now, this is the first of several times when people empty bags thinking money will be in it and it's just ladies' underwear.

[33:28] Yeah.

[33:28] Each time – does it get funnier each time, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[33:30] I will actually say, for me, it got funnier the second time and much less funny the third time.

Elliott Kalan

[33:35] Because that's fair.

[33:36] That's fair.

[33:37] Now, Anthony has told Lisa, Marissa Tomei, that Dr. Poole loves her.

[33:42] And Dr. Poole is open to the idea of getting money for his institute.

[33:46] He seems more devoted to his mother than anything else.

Dan McCoy

[33:49] Uh-huh.

[33:49] Yeah.

[33:51] So, I don't know.

[33:53] A bunch of farcical shit happens.

[33:55] Okay.

[33:55] Those bags get mixed up forever.

[33:56] LA, why don't you take the wheel for a second?

[33:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] Okay.

[33:59] Those bags keep getting mixed up.

[34:01] There's a couple times where Stallone tells Chaz Palminteri, hey, watch this bag.

[34:07] Don't let it get out of your sight.

[34:08] And then Chaz Palminteri gets distracted by something and Peter Rieger switches it with another bag not knowing there's money in it.

[34:13] Like, the German chauffeur gets sent back to get the maid's bag.

[34:17] Because the maid is actually marrying the rich banker that Sylvester Sloan originally wanted his daughter to marry.

Stuart Wellington

[34:22] Speaking of Chaz Palminteri getting things mixed up, he runs into the room once with a gun and Sylvester Sloan's like, snaps like, give me your gun.

[34:30] What did I say?

[34:31] Give me all the guns.

[34:33] And so he unloads all of these guns and weapons.

Elliott Kalan

[34:36] This is the best joke in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[34:37] I half expect him to, like, pull out a DVD copy of Airplane.

[34:41] It was, like, the most, like, Zucker Brothers style joke.

Dan McCoy

[34:44] It goes on for so long.

[34:46] Like, in any other movie, I'd be like, this is going on too long.

[34:49] It's going too slowly.

[34:50] But for some reason, the weird pacing of it and the insistence on continually cutting to more and more reaction shots made it extra funny to me.

Elliott Kalan

[34:59] This is the one part of the movie that is structured and cut and shot properly, I feel like, for the comedy.

[35:05] The pacing is perfect.

[35:07] It's very deliberate in the way that old movie stuff often is where it's like, you see the joke coming.

[35:13] Here it is.

[35:14] You see it again.

[35:15] Here it is.

[35:16] And it's funnier because you know it's going to keep coming.

[35:19] But there's the added twist of the weapons he's pulling out are increasingly bizarre.

[35:23] Like, it ends with him ending with a bundle of sticks of dynamite with a timer on it.

[35:28] And the clock is ticking.

[35:30] Like, does that mean the house is going to explode?

[35:32] So he's got all these guns.

[35:34] He's got knives, brass knuckles, a grenade, I think, at one point.

[35:37] And, like, that was the one joke in the movie where I was like, oh, you figured out how to tell a joke in this movie, huh?

[35:43] The other one is there's a part where Sylvester Stallone takes the Fennucci brothers into his study to get his suit done.

[35:51] And, of course, it's like the library in Beauty and the Beast.

[35:53] There's wall-to-wall, ceiling-to-floor books everywhere.

[35:56] And they go, oh, so many books.

[35:58] And Sylvester Stallone so casually just goes, well, reading is my passion.

[36:03] And I thought that was so funny.

[36:04] It was such a funny delivery of that.

[36:07] Like, it was like, oh, that's the casual.

[36:09] Like, this movie doesn't know when to be casual and it doesn't know when to be deliberate.

[36:13] And instead it's just kind of, like, frantic but not frantic enough in the way that late 80s, early 90s movies move surprisingly slowly.

[36:21] Like, everything is kind of as if they're underwater.

[36:23] And this Chaz Palminteri taking the weapons out of his coat, it was, like, so beautifully done.

[36:28] I was like, oh, this – I should not – yeah, I should not like this, but I think it's so funny.

[36:32] So, anyway.

[36:33] But anyway, this is about the point –

[36:35] Oh.

[36:35] Well, go on.

[36:36] But I was going to say, this is about the point that there's all this bags being moved around or whatever.

[36:40] And this is about the point when Lisa actually meets Dr. Poole.

[36:42] And what happens?

Dan McCoy

[36:44] They fall for each other.

[36:46] They're into it.

[36:47] And this is part of – this is also why Chaz Palminteri misses the bag being switched because he's looking out the window.

[36:54] This big lug of a guy turns out to be a real romantic.

[36:57] He's looking out the window and a single tear rolls down his cheek out of happiness seeing these two young lovers – well, one young lover and one middle-aged lover together having a quiet moment and kissing.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] And that's when Peter Rieger swoops in and swaps the bags leading to a bag full of underwear being dumped on a desk again.

Dan McCoy

[37:17] Yes.

[37:17] That was the part that I actually found funny when it happened to the same person a second time.

[37:23] I think the reason why it's less funny the third time is just like a new guy.

[37:26] But like just like the repetition of like, oh, okay, forget the last time when I dumped out those underwear.

[37:32] Here's the one I was really going to give you.

[37:35] More underwear.

[37:36] And Tim Curry reacts to it like, oh, yes, look at all this money you've dumped out in front of me.

[37:42] Here's a beautiful piece of money.

[37:44] And here's another piece of money.

[37:46] Yep.

[37:47] And so –

Stuart Wellington

[37:48] Yeah, he like Rufio's the underpants, right?

[37:50] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[37:51] Now, I will say the running gag with Chaz Palminteri's character and other ones that I did not enjoy was –

[37:58] Snaps almost instantly starts referring to Teresa as his daughter for some reason I don't understand.

[38:02] He kind of thinks he can sweep it all under the rug as long as he takes care of this Teresa option.

[38:06] So he'll be like, I got to – he's got to marry my daughter.

[38:10] Lisa?

[38:10] No, Teresa, the other daughter.

[38:12] You got another daughter, boss?

[38:14] That happens probably 40 times in this movie.

[38:16] It's like, I didn't know you had another daughter.

[38:19] I don't.

[38:20] And it's like, what?

Dan McCoy

[38:21] And it's just like, Snaps, why don't you take a moment?

[38:24] Take a breath.

[38:25] Sit down.

[38:26] Explain what's happened.

Elliott Kalan

[38:28] Don't just be like –

[38:29] Dan – actually, Dan, if I could –

[38:31] Oh, wow.

[38:32] For just a moment.

[38:33] Sly Stallone.

[38:35] It's me, Sly Stallone, star of the movie Oscar and also Judge Dredd.

[38:38] I am the law.

[38:41] Now, Daniel, you've made a complaint that can often be made of many farces.

[38:45] That if the characters only stopped for a moment and explained the proceedings, people would know what was going on.

[38:52] And there wouldn't be all this confusion.

[38:54] And maybe the farcical laughs would die down.

[38:58] And instead of a big problem where people are slamming doors and running around, they just sell things very quickly.

[39:04] It's kind of the same thing I say when I'm watching Curb Your Enthusiasm starring Lawrence David in which –

[39:12] Oh, very proper.

[39:13] When there's so many times when all Lawrence has to do is apologize even if he don't mean it and the problem will go away.

[39:20] But he's just so damn stubborn.

[39:22] He just won't do it.

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:23] And he gets into trouble.

[39:24] And I'm like, Lawrence, maybe you should curb your enthusiasm for causing trouble.

Dan McCoy

[39:30] It's very frustrating for the audience.

[39:31] That's all I'm trying to say.

[39:32] You know, it doesn't –

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Yeah, it's true.

[39:34] That's true, Dan.

[39:34] Now, what it really is is that you've got to believe that farce exists in a kind of different space, a kind of farce space in which logic is more important than reality.

[39:47] Is that a way I could put it?

[39:48] Sure.

[39:48] Does that make sense?

[39:49] And so each farce event is –

Dan McCoy

[39:51] I didn't know that you had such a dramaturg background.

Stuart Wellington

[39:53] I also didn't realize until just now how much Sylvester Stallone sounds like Natasha Leone.

Elliott Kalan

[40:00] Oh, yeah.

[40:01] I was her elocution teacher.

[40:03] Oh, awesome.

[40:04] Great.

[40:05] Dan, I actually chair the drama department at Yale University.

[40:09] Oh, wow.

[40:09] Okay.

[40:09] I teach a class called Farce or Farts in which I talk about the two main types of humor.

[40:16] There's the farcical type of humor in which it is a chain of events that is intricately linked and there's also the crass toilet sort of humor.

[40:25] Oh, okay.

[40:25] And they both have their place in the theater, I have to say.

Dan McCoy

[40:28] I imagine that you were just showing your class a farce and then playing an audio recording of a fart and asking them to identify which is which.

Elliott Kalan

[40:37] Oh, so you took the class.

[40:38] Oh, yeah.

[40:39] I'm sorry.

[40:39] That's the final exam.

[40:41] People pass it.

Dan McCoy

[40:45] Great.

[40:45] I mean, I guess that's a brag on you as a teacher.

[40:48] People pass it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] Yeah, well, I mean, that's good.

[40:50] I mean, it shows they've learned the difference between noises off and like a particularly wet fart when confronted with both of them.

Stuart Wellington

[40:58] I mean, yeah.

[40:59] That would be noises on, I guess, in that case.

Elliott Kalan

[41:03] Very good, Stuart.

[41:04] Very good.

[41:04] Extra credit.

[41:05] Now.

[41:06] I didn't know you'd enrolled.

[41:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:10] Oh, wow.

[41:11] This is an interesting university.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] Yeah.

[41:14] Yeah.

[41:14] It's Yale.

[41:15] It's an Ivy League college.

[41:16] Yeah, yeah.

[41:17] So-called because we shot the movie Poison Ivy there starring Drew Barrymore.

[41:21] The sequels were shot at other universities.

[41:23] That's what the Ivy League means.

[41:26] Okay.

[41:26] So Poison Ivy 2 with Alyssa Milano that was shot at Harvard.

[41:31] And Poison Ivy The New Seduction with Jamie Presley was shot at Brown.

[41:35] Wow.

[41:36] That's a pedigree.

[41:38] Oh, yes.

[41:39] Now, Dan.

[41:40] So I guess what I'm saying is you have put your finger on the most prevalent criticism of the farce form.

[41:48] But at a certain point, don't you have to accept the rules of the dramaturgical form upon which you are enjoying?

Dan McCoy

[41:55] All right.

[41:56] I suppose a willing suspension of disbelief is in order.

Elliott Kalan

[42:00] Yep.

[42:00] That's my teaching assistant.

[42:01] Willie's suspension of disbelief.

[42:06] Willie's been with me for a long time, and someday he'll finish his doctorate.

[42:09] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[42:11] Groucho Marx just walked in.

Elliott Kalan

[42:14] Yeah, he's been feeding me lines.

[42:16] Well, guys, I got to go.

[42:19] I'm in talks to make a movie called Oscar 2.

[42:21] Too fast, too Oscar.

[42:23] And it's the story of – well, you'll find out.

[42:26] But it's another adventure in the life of that lovable tale, lovable character that America came to fall in love with, Oscar.

[42:33] Which the director, John Landis, he told me that Oscar was the –

[42:37] Yeah, well, they just start calling my character Oscar.

[42:40] Oh, okay.

[42:40] I got you.

[42:41] Like the way that Nick Charles became the thin man even though he wasn't the thin man in the first movie.

[42:46] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[42:46] Yeah.

[42:47] This is an interesting promotional copy for Oscar 2.

Elliott Kalan

[42:50] Oscar 2.

[42:51] So anyway, John Landis told me that Oscar was the number one box office hit of 1991.

[42:56] And I don't know why it's taken almost 30 years to make the sequel, but I guess he's been working on the screenplay.

[43:00] It's like Blade Runner.

[43:01] He's got his son Max on it, so I assume there's going to be a lot of high-concept bullshit in it.

[43:06] But we'll figure something out.

[43:08] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[43:08] Well, I'm pretty excited.

[43:10] Okay.

[43:10] Well, thanks for dropping by as you occasionally do.

Elliott Kalan

[43:14] Yeah, well, what else are we going to do today?

[43:17] I guess I don't know.

[43:19] Yeah, and I suppose I should –

[43:20] Maybe we should take in like a Broadway show?

[43:22] No, well, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[43:24] Yeah, I mean, I guess we could stop the podcast, Dan, and go to a Broadway show.

Elliott Kalan

[43:28] No, let's keep the podcast running.

[43:29] You guys seen this Hamilton?

[43:30] I've heard a lot about it.

[43:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:32] I mean, yeah, we've both seen it.

[43:34] Yeah.

[43:35] Oh, so you didn't wait for me.

[43:36] Thanks, I guess.

[43:37] Thanks for no thanks.

[43:38] I mean, I think you could see it a second time.

[43:40] It's got a different cast at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[43:42] Oh, great.

[43:43] Well, I'll just sit on the couch and be silent for the rest of the show.

[43:46] Thanks.

[43:47] I'll close my eyes and take a nap until you're ready to leave.

[43:50] Okay, great.

Dan McCoy

[43:53] Elliot, you won't believe what just happened.

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] I heard it, and I'm all the way over here on the other side of the country.

[44:00] Oh, wow.

[44:00] This is ridiculous.

[44:02] I just keep missing him.

Dan McCoy

[44:03] Yeah, I got to start locking my door.

Elliott Kalan

[44:06] Well, I think he'll just break through.

[44:08] He's a mountain of a man.

Dan McCoy

[44:10] Yeah, he's very strong.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Okay, so Dan, I'm going to take the wheel for just a moment.

[44:14] Lisa and Dr. Poole have hit it off.

[44:16] Snaps, he reconnects Anthony, Teresa, and he gets the jewels back.

[44:20] And Snaps learns that – so the maid has left, so they hire a new maid.

[44:23] And who does this new maid turn out to be, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[44:25] This new maid turns out to be someone that Snaps knew from the old days when he first was in the business, the business being a criminal.

[44:34] And they had had a little love connection back in the day.

[44:40] And it turns out that she is the mother of Teresa, and he is the father of Teresa.

[44:46] What?

[44:46] So he does have two daughters after all.

Elliott Kalan

[44:49] In the most pushing of suspension of disbelief thing I think has ever happened in a movie ever.

[44:56] Even more so than the Venom symbiote just landing next to Spider-Man in a park in Spider-Man 3.

[45:02] We find out that Teresa actually was Snaps' real daughter.

Dan McCoy

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:07] And so Snaps gives Anthony his blessing to marry his daughter because he's proven that he truly loves her because earlier on he gave up the money.

[45:17] We didn't talk about that, but it happened.

[45:19] And so everyone's getting married.

[45:21] And he sends Peter Rieger out of the room to get some champagne, and that's just when the bankers walk in.

[45:27] And he's like, Ixnay on the ampane, Shay, because it's during Prohibition.

Stuart Wellington

[45:30] Now, normally, bankers show up, and you're like, oh, I have a soft spot for bankers.

[45:36] They're nice guys.

[45:37] But one of the bankers is played by William Atherton, so you know they're jerks.

Elliott Kalan

[45:42] Oh, yeah.

[45:43] He's going to shut down the Ghostbusters loan after this.

[45:47] And so the bankers, we've seen them throughout the movie meeting.

[45:50] I assume it's this meeting that they've had, I assume, is like 14 hours long.

[45:54] And they're just, oh, I don't want to be in business with gangsters, blah, blah, blah.

[45:57] They think they're above Snaps Provolone just because Snaps Provolone is a murderous criminal who made his money off of stealing and killing and breaking the law.

[46:06] Yeah.

[46:06] And it's one of those things where we're supposed to be like, and to a certain extent we are.

[46:10] Sylvester Stallone is super charismatic, and William Atherton and those guys are just not quite as charismatic as Sylvester Stallone.

[46:15] So we're on the gangster side.

[46:16] But it's like in real life, it's like, I kind of would want

[46:20] my bank to not be comfortable just getting into bed with a criminal who has decided not to be a criminal anymore and wants to go scot-free.

[46:27] Wouldn't you guys?

Stuart Wellington

[46:27] It seems like –

[46:28] It's undercut by the occasional like racist against Italians epithet uttered by the bankers.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] I mean they are bad guys, and they hate poor people and stuff like that.

[46:40] Like they're a caricature of the rich.

Dan McCoy

[46:44] Yes.

[46:44] So they have this meeting, and the fact that all these besuited men have walked into Snaps' house gives Kurtwood Smith the chance to say,

[46:54] give it the go-ahead.

[46:55] We're going in.

[46:56] We're getting all the – we're going to get the press.

[46:57] Like he thinks that they're another gang meeting for a tete-a-tete.

[47:02] He thinks it's the O'Bannon gang.

[47:04] Yeah.

[47:05] And so they go in, and he goes in, and he very confidently asserts that various bankers are various gangsters, which seems weird.

[47:13] Oh, wait.

[47:13] Because I feel like he would have known what those gangsters look like.

[47:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:16] This is after Anthony has noticed in the banker's contract that they are trying to screw Snaps out of his money.

[47:22] For the money he's giving to have a stake in the bank, he won't have a seat on the board, and he can be kicked out whenever they want.

[47:28] Mm-hmm.

[47:29] So the cops rush in.

[47:30] They go, rest these gangsters.

[47:31] Yeah.

[47:32] And he goes, wait a second.

[47:35] This bag has all the money in it.

[47:36] We've been seeing it going in and out of the house this whole time.

[47:39] Let me – guys, get your cameras ready.

[47:40] I'm going to dump all this money out on the table.

[47:42] This will be the proof.

[47:43] But Dan, what comes out of that bag?

Dan McCoy

[47:46] Ladies unmentionables.

[47:48] Oh, boy.

[47:48] So we shouldn't have mentioned them here on the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[47:51] The only way they could have – because this joke has happened a lot of times, and as you said, it's not funnier because it's happening to new people.

[47:58] But if Tim Curry had been there and been like trying to convince the new guys that it was money, I think it would have been funnier.

Dan McCoy

[48:06] That would be funnier.

[48:08] Yeah, it would.

[48:08] I'll give you that.

[48:10] So, you know, Kurtwood Smith is made a fool.

[48:14] He leaves.

[48:15] He runs into other gangsters who actually were coming there to try and kill Snaps, so he has a bit of a –

[48:21] He has a bit of a turnaround in his fortunes.

[48:23] Yep.

[48:24] He has something to show the press.

[48:26] From pauper to prince in mere moments.

[48:28] Yeah.

[48:28] He catches all of them.

[48:30] And Snaps is like – he offers Anthony a job as the head of his organization, which means he's going back into criminality.

[48:38] And everyone cheers.

[48:39] And he's like, I'm sorry, Dad.

[48:40] I tried.

[48:41] And I'm like, wait.

[48:42] Are we supposed to be happy he's becoming a gangster again?

[48:44] I don't understand.

[48:45] And also, Sylvester Stallone –

[48:47] Yeah, that was –

Dan McCoy

[48:47] Like, Stallone.

[48:48] Like, none of the things that really, like, screwed you up today were because you were going straight.

[48:52] Like, it was all other, like, unrelated far-school shenanigans.

[48:56] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[48:56] Yeah, there's nothing to stop him from just starting a real – like, starting a hardware store chain or something like that.

[49:03] Yeah.

[49:03] Or, like, anything other than that one bank.

Stuart Wellington

[49:07] So you think he should have announced this and then, like, a guy would have run in and then he just, like, shot him or something?

[49:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:14] I think he then started handing out guns to everybody.

[49:16] We're back in business, boys.

[49:18] And they just start bringing in, like, stool pigeons tied up and things like that and, like, big casks of bootleg liquor.

[49:23] Like, they was all waiting just behind a door.

[49:26] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[49:27] But then we cut to a double marriage.

[49:29] Both of our couples are getting married.

[49:33] And Don Amici's there presiding over it.

[49:35] That's in.

[49:36] Snaps his house.

[49:37] And then this guy runs in in army gear.

[49:40] And everyone's like, who's that?

[49:41] It's like, it's me, Oscar.

[49:43] And Snaps is like, get him out of here.

[49:46] And then they take him out.

[49:47] I assume to get shot.

[49:49] Yeah, they're going to murder him.

[49:50] Yeah.

[49:50] Yep.

[49:50] So that's the happy ending.

[49:53] Oscar, our titular character, dead in a ditch somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] And as with every great Shakespeare comedy, it ends with the couples united and the correct order of the universe has been established.

[50:07] People in marriage and gangsters doing gangster stuff.

[50:10] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[50:11] So that was Oscar, guys.

[50:14] Good stuff.

[50:15] Oh, we did it, guys.

[50:16] Good stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[50:17] We did it.

[50:18] And the Oscar goes to the movie we watch because it's called Oscar.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] Now, how many, Dan, how many Oscars was Oscar nominated for?

Stuart Wellington

[50:27] I don't believe it was nominated for any.

[50:29] I think it was only nominated for like four Razzies.

[50:33] I don't think it won any of them, unfortunately.

[50:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:36] I wonder what won that year.

[50:38] I'm going to look it up while we're talking.

[50:39] Okay, guys?

[50:39] Which Razzie?

[50:40] Who won the Razzie?

[50:42] Yeah.

[50:43] Because I will say, I don't think this movie deserved a Razzie award.

[50:46] No.

[50:47] I will say that.

Dan McCoy

[50:47] I mean, it's, I mean, it's.

[50:49] Yeah, wait.

[50:50] Hold on.

[50:50] Final judgments.

[50:51] Good bad movie, bad bad movie, movie.

[50:52] You kind of like Stewart.

Stuart Wellington

[50:53] Yeah.

[50:54] So, I don't know.

[50:55] Like, it was fun to see a bunch of actors that I hadn't seen in a while.

[50:59] I like that the rival mob boss has a manicurist who is the actress who does the voice for Harley Quinn in the cartoons.

Elliott Kalan

[51:08] Oh, wait.

[51:09] Guys, hold on a second.

[51:10] This is the wrong year, but okay.

[51:12] So, Hudson Hawk won the year afterwards at the Respirators for Worst Picture.

[51:15] You know what it beat?

[51:17] What?

[51:17] Nothing but Trouble.

[51:19] That's insane.

[51:20] That shows you how bad the Razzies are.

[51:21] Nothing but Trouble deserved that award.

[51:23] Literally the worst movie in the history of everything.

[51:25] Give me 20 Hudson Hawks over that.

[51:28] Yeah.

[51:29] But anyway, so you're saying, Stuart, you continue.

Stuart Wellington

[51:31] So, yeah.

[51:32] And I remember, I think I, this movie was playing on cable or something when I was a kid.

[51:37] So, I watched it a couple times.

[51:39] I don't really remember it, but I have some affection for this movie.

[51:44] It's a lot of, like, goofy, over-the-top Italian accents.

[51:48] It's a French farce, so it's, like, you know, kind of breezy.

[51:54] I think it sags in the third act.

[51:56] But, yeah, it's fine.

[51:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:59] My feeling about it is, like, there's a super, like, it's got a super talented supporting cast.

[52:07] John Landis, even though he goes around murdering people with helicopters, is a talented comedic director.

[52:13] Man slaughtering, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] And if you keep talking, it'll be Dan slaughtering.

[52:20] I think there are two issues.

Dan McCoy

[52:21] Oh.

[52:21] I think there are two issues with this movie.

[52:23] I think it could cut about 10 minutes from it.

[52:27] And it's got such a, I mean, like, it's got, like, clockwork farce plotting, so that seems hard.

[52:34] But I feel like there's a lot of scenes where they're just, like, let's cut to everyone for a reaction shot, and you don't need that.

Elliott Kalan

[52:40] Yeah, that's the clockwork orange farce plotting,

[52:43] where you have to see everybody watching it with their eyes spread wide open, unable to look away.

Dan McCoy

[52:47] So there's that.

[52:48] And I also feel like our weak link is our lead.

[52:51] I know that you are a fan of Mr. Stallone, Elliot.

[52:54] But I feel like if you had, say, like, Nathan Lane in the lead, like, a guy who's, like, still, like, kind of big and physically imposing, but is, like, a farce guy.

Elliott Kalan

[53:04] Wait, wait, what?

[53:05] Nathan Lane is what?

[53:06] Hold on a second, Dan.

[53:07] Have you seen Nathan Lane?

[53:09] Are you talking about the same person?

Stuart Wellington

[53:11] Haven't you seen Stuart Little, dude?

[53:12] The fucking mouse kills him.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] He's a big guy, and I've seen him play, like, imposing characters on stage.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] Dan, I saw him in Guys and Dolls, and he was not imposing, and he was playing a gangster in that.

Dan McCoy

[53:26] All right.

[53:26] But he's not supposed to be that imposing.

[53:28] He's, like, the lovable gangster lead, though.

[53:33] Dan, are you thinking of Lawrence Tierney?

Stuart Wellington

[53:35] Are you thinking Dwayne, DJ, The Rock Johnson?

[53:38] Forget that specific thing I said.

Dan McCoy

[53:40] Dan, are you talking about Dolph Lundgren?

[53:43] Whoa.

[53:44] Forget that specific part of what I said.

[53:46] Nathan Lane would have made this movie work, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[53:49] I think you're probably right.

[53:51] I will say, this is a movie I kind of like.

[53:53] I think it's got a lot of issues.

[53:55] And my main problem with it is the pacing.

[53:57] Yeah.

[53:57] Is that it's hard for me to dislike any movie that is trying to be a 1930s farce.

[54:03] And if it's, like, the pacing is just a little too slow.

[54:06] Like you're saying, there's too many reaction shots.

[54:08] There's too much dead air around the jokes.

[54:11] And I think Sylvester Stallone is not the problem.

[54:13] I could see someone like Nathan Lane doing it, but it would be a different type of character

[54:17] because then he wouldn't be imposing.

[54:19] He's the gangster mastermind.

[54:21] But at that point, just have John Pulido do it if you're going to have someone who's, like,

[54:25] a funny gangster type who's not supposed to be, like, a big, strong guy.

[54:27] Or Joe Piscopo.

[54:31] But I was reading about this, and originally they wanted Al Pacino.

[54:35] Yeah.

[54:35] And instead he did Dick Tracy because he was going to get paid more money for it.

[54:38] I don't think Al Pacino would have been better.

[54:40] Like, I think Sylvester Stallone is a pretty good comedy performer.

Stuart Wellington

[54:43] I think they originally were trying to put John Belushi in it before he died,

[54:50] and then it sat on the shelf for 10 years.

[54:53] What were they trying to put in it?

[54:54] John Belushi?

[54:55] That would have been very strange.

Dan McCoy

[54:57] Yeah, that would have been weird.

[54:58] Like, John Belushi has, like, a lot of charm, but it's, like, mostly kind of, like, a physical thing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:04] Like, the idea that he's kind of an out-of-control slob gangster.

[55:07] Yeah.

[55:09] He's like a gangster kingpin who's, like, a real – I mean, it would be him playing against type, I guess.

[55:14] But I think that it's like if you – I wonder if there's a way to take this movie

[55:18] and literally just put it into Final Cut and edit out a ton of it, and you'd have a stronger –

[55:24] it still wouldn't be great, but you'd have a stronger movie overall.

[55:27] Guys, I've got a Razzie's update.

[55:30] Oscar was not even nominated for Worst Picture that year.

[55:32] Oh, wow.

[55:33] It was nominated, I think, just in the acting and directing categories.

[55:39] Not for Worst Screenplay, which is surprising because the screenplay is one of the issues here,

[55:43] is that it's not – there's just, like, there's a lot of business in it, but it's not really funny business.

[55:48] Yeah, yeah.

[55:48] I say this to somebody who – I say this to somebody who has tried to write farces

[55:51] and fallen into the same trap of, oh, they're doing a lot of stuff, but it's not really that funny.

[55:57] So I know how easy it is to fall into that trap.

[55:59] It's hard to do.

[56:00] Like, to write a really funny farce is really hard to do.

[56:02] Yeah, well –

[56:03] Because you kind of –

Dan McCoy

[56:04] No, I think the problem –

[56:05] No, I think that the, like, the problem with the screenplay of this is that, like, the plotting is kind of –

[56:12] like, the plotting is fine.

[56:14] Like, the mix-ups and everything is fine, but the actual jokes within that are not funny.

Elliott Kalan

[56:21] Well, and even the mix-ups are not that funny.

[56:24] It's like the way it's –

[56:25] But she was his daughter the whole time, dude.

[56:28] Well, I'm thinking more about every time they moved those bags around, I was like, god damn it.

[56:33] Like, can we stop with the bags already?

[56:35] Like, that's – I hate that stuff.

[56:38] But guys, Razzie's Update.

[56:40] So I would say it's a movie I kind of like, but it's got a lot of issues.

[56:42] Razzie's Update.

[56:43] That was the year Hudson Hawk won big.

[56:47] Wait, I thought that was the next year.

[56:49] No, I was wrong.

[56:50] It was that year because Oscar was not nominated for Worst Picture that year.

[56:54] Instead, it was a big year for Hudson Hawk.

[56:56] Kevin Costner won for Robin Hood for Worst Actor.

[56:59] Dan Aykroyd did win for Worst Supporting Actor for Nothing But Trouble, so I agree with that.

[57:04] But get this.

[57:05] Okay.

[57:06] Worst original song, Adam's Groove from The Addams Family written by MC Hammer.

[57:10] Are they crazy?

[57:11] Get the fuck out of here.

[57:13] That is crazy.

[57:15] Everyone loves that song.

[57:16] Yeah.

[57:17] That's the one about how they do what they want to do and say what they want to say, right?

[57:20] And they kick and they slap a friend.

[57:21] Kick and they stop a friend.

Stuart Wellington

[57:21] I listen to that shit on cassette tape on repeat, and I think I know a little more than Razzies about what makes a jam.

Elliott Kalan

[57:33] Yeah.

[57:33] Also nominated for Worst Original Song, Why Was I Born, parentheses, Freddy's Dead, from Freddy's Dead, The Final Nightmare.

Dan McCoy

[57:41] Yeah.

[57:42] Let's go get them, guys.

[57:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:43] Whatever.

[57:44] Okay.

[57:44] Let's go get them, guys.

[57:47] So, yeah.

[57:48] Do we need to say anything more about the Oscar?

[57:51] No.

Elliott Kalan

[57:52] It's just called Oscar.

[57:53] It's not called.

[57:54] I think there was a movie.

[57:55] There was a movie called The Oscar.

[57:56] There was a movie called The Oscar.

[57:58] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[57:59] It was also supposed to be very bad.

[58:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:03] And, of course, there's Oscar Madison, who is not a movie.

[58:06] It's just a character from another thing.

Stuart Wellington

[58:08] Oh, thank you for clarifying that, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[58:13] Yeah, so I think that's all we have to say about Oscar.

[58:14] Great movie.

[58:15] Go out and run out and see it today, right?

[58:17] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[58:18] Yep.

S4

[58:22] Hi, I'm Joe Firestone.

Elliott Kalan

[58:23] And I'm Manolo Moreno.

S4

[58:25] And we're the hosts of Dr. Game Show, which is a podcast where we play games submitted by

[58:28] listeners, regardless of quality or content, with in-studio guests and callers from all

[58:34] over the world.

S5

[58:34] And you can win a custom magnet.

[58:36] A custom magnet.

[58:37] Subscribe now to make sure you get our next episode.

S4

[58:39] What's an example of a game, Manolo?

S5

[58:41] Pokemon or medication.

[58:43] How do you play that?

[58:43] You have to guess if something's a Pokemon name for medication.

[58:48] Medication.

[58:48] First time listener.

[58:49] If you want to listen to episode highlights and also know how to participate, follow Dr.

[58:54] Game Show on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

[58:57] We'd love to hear from you.

[58:58] Yeah, it's really fun.

S4

[58:58] For the whole family.

[59:00] We'll be every other Wednesday starting March 13th.

[59:03] And we're coming to MaxFun!

[59:05] Snorlax.

[59:05] Pokemon?

[59:06] Yes.

[59:06] Nice.

Elliott Kalan

[59:07] This is NASA.

[59:11] I see a flat Earth, but we should lie to everybody about it and say it's round.

[59:15] 10-4.

S6

[59:16] Maximum Fun brings you the latest podcast, an expose on the flat Earth.

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] I want to take advantage of humankind and make them believe a lie so that they will trust

[59:26] us with the government.

S6

[59:27] It's all an elaborate lie.

[59:29] And when you get on a plane, they purposefully fly you farther than you need to go.

S4

[59:32] It's disgusting.

[59:34] It needs to be stopped.

[59:35] And if you listen to Ono, Ross, and Carrie, we will tell you the truth behind the lies.

[59:40] Just kidding.

[59:42] We won't do that.

[59:43] We will just tell you the truth behind the truth because what we do is we look at extraordinary

Elliott Kalan

[59:47] claims.

S6

[59:48] That's right.

[59:48] We've gone undercover with alternative medical treatments, fringe religious groups, fringe

[59:54] science claims, the spiritual paranormal.

[59:57] We're there to check it out and let you know what happens.

Elliott Kalan

[59:59] Is the Queen Mary haunted?

[1:00:01] I don't know.

[1:00:01] Find out.

S6

[1:00:02] We show up.

[1:00:03] We make friends.

[1:00:04] We learn what happens when you ask questions and we tell you all about it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:08] And we get all that funky stuff done to us.

S6

[1:00:11] It's Ono, Ross, and Carrie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:12] At MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:15] So let's go on to, we don't have any corporate sponsors this week.

[1:00:21] Yep.

[1:00:22] But we do have a couple of Jumbotrons.

[1:00:24] Oh, cool.

[1:00:24] That I sent to you guys.

[1:00:27] It looks like, let's see who can get it first.

[1:00:31] Who can open their device faster.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:33] Well, I've got mine ready right now.

[1:00:34] So why don't I go ahead?

[1:00:35] Okay.

[1:00:36] Here's a Jumbotron from them to you.

[1:00:39] Much Review About Nothing is a comedic podcast where three brothers try to review movies they

[1:00:44] haven't seen using only cultural osmosis and whatever they can find on the internet.

[1:00:48] So join your hosts, Billy, Jake, and Luke as they don't watch movies, go on wild tangents,

[1:00:53] and jump to ridiculous conclusions.

[1:00:55] Search for Much Review About Nothing on iTunes and Spotify and subscribe.

[1:00:59] That sounds like a funny idea for a podcast.

[1:01:00] I'll check that out.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:01] Guys, why didn't we come up with this premise?

[1:01:03] It would have been a lot less work.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:04] It would have saved us two to three hours a week.

[1:01:06] That's for sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:09] And so much grief.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:11] This, I believe, is a message for Alan.

[1:01:13] It's not super clear.

[1:01:15] The message is from Ben and Tristan.

[1:01:19] Last names withheld.

[1:01:20] Dear Alan, we're so sorry you had to leave us.

[1:01:24] But what do you expect when you live a perilous life of plane crashes, exotic avian disease,

[1:01:31] cars smashing into your home, and high-speed bike chases?

[1:01:35] We hope we never have to ask, what if Alan met a dinosaur?

[1:01:40] He'll up soon so we can get back to our goal of working on a movie worthy of being flopped.

[1:01:47] All right.

[1:01:48] That sounds very exciting and also terrifying.

[1:01:51] Yep.

[1:01:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:53] So, that having been done.

[1:01:57] Uh-huh.

[1:01:57] Now what do we do, Dan?

[1:01:58] We can move on.

[1:01:58] Uh-huh.

[1:01:59] To the next thing.

[1:02:00] Yep.

[1:02:01] Which.

[1:02:01] Uh-huh.

[1:02:01] Is what?

[1:02:02] Is.

[1:02:02] Uh-huh.

[1:02:03] Letters.

[1:02:04] Oh, okay.

[1:02:05] From listeners like you.

[1:02:05] Oh, okay.

[1:02:06] Listeners who wrote in letters.

[1:02:07] Let's respond to them, shall we?

[1:02:09] The first.

[1:02:10] Yes, let's.

[1:02:11] Okay.

[1:02:12] Thank you.

[1:02:13] The first one is from J. Middle Name Withheld Jameson.

[1:02:17] Mm-hmm.

[1:02:17] Who writes.

[1:02:18] Mm-hmm.

[1:02:18] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:19] Interesting.

[1:02:20] No way of knowing what letter that name starts with, the middle name.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:23] Uh, dear freshly canned peaches.

[1:02:26] Uh-huh.

[1:02:27] I finally got around to seeing Wreck 4 Apocalypse.

[1:02:30] I think that's funny that it says that you finally got around to seeing.

[1:02:34] We all have to see Wreck 4 Apocalypse at some time in our lives, boys.

[1:02:38] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:39] And this guy finally got around to doing it.

[1:02:41] Yeah.

[1:02:42] Anyway, like the third movie, it does away with the found footage format.

[1:02:45] Also like the third movie, it's not very good.

[1:02:47] I still have a fondness for the first two movies in the Wreck series, and it's strange

[1:02:51] that once it dumped the found footage angle, a subgenre of horror that is famously-

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:56] The first one is Wreck-It Ralph, right?

[1:02:58] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:59] Yep.

[1:03:01] Uh, I'm gonna just jump back a little so the sentence makes sense.

[1:03:05] Yeah, rewind.

[1:03:07] I have a fondness for the first two movies in the Wreck series.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:09] Oh, I get it.

[1:03:10] Wreck-It Ralph.

[1:03:10] Jesus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:13] Now you get it.

[1:03:14] Oh, man.

[1:03:14] Now you get it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:15] Oh, hell it is.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:17] It's strange that once it dumped the found footage angle, a subgenre-

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:21] And of course the sequel, Theodore Rex.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:24] Oh, man.

[1:03:26] Got that one right away.

[1:03:29] Is Theodore Rex an Oedipus Rex?

[1:03:33] Joey?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:33] Yep.

[1:03:34] No, Dan.

[1:03:35] No, it is not.

[1:03:36] He's a dinosaur.

[1:03:37] Unless Tyrannosaurus Rex is an Oedipus Rex reference.

[1:03:40] Maybe it is.

[1:03:41] Maybe they found evidence of a Tyrannosaurus Rex lusting after its mother.

[1:03:45] I mean-

[1:03:45] Or murdering its father.

[1:03:47] It was killing its father and pointing at its mother as lava hit them all, killed them,

[1:03:52] and they were fossilized in that moment.

[1:03:54] I mean-

[1:03:54] Very embarrassing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:55] Follow me down this path, guys.

[1:03:57] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:57] I think-

[1:03:58] Let's do so.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:59] I feel like a Tyrannosaur, similar to Oedipus, has dreams that exceed his grasp, right?

[1:04:06] So I think that's a fair comparison.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:08] I mean, I don't know if that's a fair description of Oedipus.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:12] No, I think I'm right.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:16] So Dan, yeah?

[1:04:18] Yes.

[1:04:18] Go on.

[1:04:19] Oh, I go on.

[1:04:20] Oh, just-

[1:04:21] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:21] It's a fair description of a Tyrannosaur because his grasp is very short.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:24] Okay.

[1:04:25] Anyway, I still have a fondness for the first two movies in the Rex series, and it's strange

[1:04:29] that once it dumped the found footage angle, a sub-genre of horror that is famously reviled

[1:04:33] by the flop cast themselves, the series actually got worse.

[1:04:37] Which brings us to the question, are there movies that you love in genres you're not particularly

[1:04:42] fond of?

[1:04:43] Or perhaps, are there movies that almost work that would benefit from switching genres?

[1:04:48] J.

[1:04:48] Middle Name withheld Jameson.

[1:04:51] Obvious pseudonym, but I read it again anyway.

[1:04:54] Uh-huh.

[1:04:54] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:55] No, no.

[1:04:56] Maybe it really is from J. Jonah Jameson, Dan.

[1:04:58] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:58] Maybe it's-

[1:04:59] Yep.

[1:04:59] Maybe Spider-Man's-

[1:05:01] Yeah, there's a postscript-

[1:05:02] Former boss and enemy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:03] There's a postscript that says, get me Spider-Man?

[1:05:06] Uh-huh.

[1:05:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:08] The subject line was flop house, threat, or menace.

[1:05:10] Yep.

[1:05:11] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:12] Dan, so I see you zooming around the internet on your phone.

[1:05:15] Do you have an answer, or are you trying to come up with one real quick?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:18] I- I- well, I have kind of an answer, but it's funny to me.

[1:05:22] I, like-

[1:05:23] Well, don't tell it then.

[1:05:26] I looked- I googled film genres just to, like-

[1:05:29] In case I, like, thought- I, like, forgot of, like, a genre that I'm like, oh, yeah,

[1:05:34] I really do, like, just like that genre.

[1:05:35] And I'm, like, scrolling through, scrolling through, and it's all, like, very basic.

[1:05:38] Thriller, Western, film noir, comedy.

[1:05:40] Uh-huh.

[1:05:40] And then, like, I go, like, sort of deep in the list, and it goes, pornographic film.

[1:05:45] And I'm like, well, yeah, I guess that's a genre.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:48] Oh, yeah, wait, can I-

Dan McCoy

[1:05:49] I'm gonna have to change my answer real quick, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:51] Yeah, has there ever been a porn where you guys were like, I wish this was a mainstream

[1:05:54] movie, because I'm enjoying it so much?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:57] Yeah, I mean, I feel like if this porn switched genres to horror, it would be just as affecting

[1:06:02] for me.

[1:06:03] Ha-ha.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:05] Uh, but Dan, what's your answer?

[1:06:07] Or dancer, as some would say.

[1:06:08] Uh, I don't have a really great one.

[1:06:10] I- the first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was when Dunkirk was,

[1:06:15] uh, being, uh, advertised.

[1:06:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:18] Oh, and you wanted it to be a wacky comedy.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:20] No, I was like, I- I have enjoyed all of Christopher Nolan's movies from- from one- for one degree

[1:06:26] to another.

[1:06:27] Uh-huh.

[1:06:27] And, uh, I normally would be very excited about a new movie from him.

[1:06:31] Yeah.

[1:06:32] And I kind of went to it out of, like, a weird obligation, because I do not like war movies

[1:06:39] for the most part.

[1:06:40] Or, like, there are, like- there are genres that are sort of war adjacent that I like, but

[1:06:44] ones that are, like, specifically about, like, combat I'm not particularly into, because-

[1:06:48] What about War of the Worlds?

[1:06:50] Uh, I call that more of a science fiction horror.

[1:06:53] Charlie Wilson's War?

[1:06:54] That's more of a- it's kind of a satire, I guess.

[1:06:57] War of the Roses?

[1:06:58] That's a- that's a black comedy about divorce.

[1:07:00] Xena Warrior Princess?

[1:07:01] That's a television show about a lesbian warrior princess.

[1:07:05] Yeah, what about This Means War?

[1:07:07] Uh, that is a, uh, that is a comedy, supposedly, about some spies, I think?

[1:07:13] I can't remember.

[1:07:13] What about Gwar?

[1:07:14] Gwar, that's a band.

[1:07:16] Gwar the band.

[1:07:16] I like- I like their, uh, horror attitude, I guess.

[1:07:21] Cool, yeah, I like it.

[1:07:22] Okay.

[1:07:23] But, no, I, like, I went to see it, and I was like, okay, no, I- I really enjoyed this

[1:07:26] movie, but I was- it- it felt like a chore beforehand, because I- I don't know, like,

[1:07:32] I don't- I feel like war is, like, this sort of horrific thing, and I kind of agree

[1:07:37] that, like-

[1:07:38] Taking a big stand there, buddy.

[1:07:39] Well, but I kind of agree-

[1:07:40] I kind of agree that any war movie, even if it's not trying to-

[1:07:46] Glamorize it, glamorizes war a little bit, and so-

[1:07:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] Oh, look, it's Sam Fuller over here.

[1:07:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:52] Okay, anyway, so that's my answer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:53] But, no, I- well, here's- here was my experience with Dunkirk, as I was like, the same- similar

[1:07:57] thing- I mean, I do enjoy a lot of war movies, but that- where, uh, I was like, ugh, this

[1:08:02] movie's gonna be, like, three hours long, and then I found out it was not, and I was like,

[1:08:05] oh, an hour and a half, and I loved it.

[1:08:08] I thought it was such a good movie.

[1:08:09] I was like, ugh, this- I hope other people watch this, other directors, and are like, oh, I

[1:08:13] can make a great movie that's less than two hours long.

[1:08:16] Yeah.

[1:08:16] This would be wonderful, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:18] Stuart-

[1:08:18] So the genre you like are short movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:20] Well, I mean, I guess that's-

[1:08:22] Certainly.

[1:08:22] I guess so.

[1:08:23] I had a lot of trouble answering this question.

[1:08:25] I don't think I really have an answer for it.

[1:08:26] Well, I mean, it's a hard question, because I think that I'm- I don't want to speak-

[1:08:30] The most hard about it, the hardest thing about this question is that you sent it to me this

[1:08:33] morning while I was making breakfast for my children, and so I really didn't have time

[1:08:38] to think of an answer.

[1:08:39] That's the hardest part of it.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:40] I don't want to speak for all of us, but I sort of assume that because we are all fans

[1:08:46] of movies in general, we aren't like, oh, I hate a specific genre, like, because there

[1:08:52] are good examples in basically every genre.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:55] At first, I was like, do I- I mean, like, there's a lot of, like, cheesy romantic comedies

[1:09:01] I don't like, but I like comedies and romance.

[1:09:03] Like, I like movies that are funny movies about romance.

[1:09:06] So, like, it's hard for me to think of a genre that I don't care for, and it seems like there

[1:09:11] are so many movies that it's, like, hard to think about switching a genre on a movie and

[1:09:17] not changing its DNA so significantly that it just becomes a different movie, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:23] I mean, yeah, like, like, audition.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:28] I mean, I guess if I-

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:30] I don't think that's what he's suggesting, though, is that we're, like, starting with a

[1:09:33] movie and then halfway through we change, although-

[1:09:35] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I mean, like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:36] there's, it's not, the only movie that I can really think of that kind of fits what he

[1:09:39] was saying is, like, how The Innkeepers is mostly a comedy and then becomes a horror movie,

[1:09:45] and I kind of wish it just stayed a comedy.

[1:09:47] Yeah.

[1:09:47] You know, like, I don't really need the horror stuff at the end.

[1:09:50] I like it, I liked it so much just seeing these employees at this hotel that's closing

[1:09:54] down, just kind of going about their business and thinking maybe there's a ghost around,

[1:09:58] but that's, but I still like that movie or not.

[1:10:01] It's not that the movie almost works.

[1:10:02] The movie does work.

[1:10:03] I just like that aspect of it.

[1:10:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:05] I mean, I kind of feel the same way about Dan Gilroy's Velvet Buzzsaw that went up, because

[1:10:11] it, like, it's, it's a dumb, silly movie that's super fun and goofy, but, like, the, like,

[1:10:17] the world building and comedy stuff is fun, for me at least, and then, then, like, people

[1:10:22] start dying and you're like, oh, yeah, this is a horror movie.

[1:10:27] Uh, all right.

[1:10:28] So, that's that.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:30] Basically, I'm saying, I think.

[1:10:31] As he says, is that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:32] I feel like most movies would be improved if you switch the genre to movies with wrestlers

[1:10:38] in them.

[1:10:40] Okay.

[1:10:41] What about The Wrestler?

[1:10:42] Yeah, it would be way better if Suburban Commando showed up and just start blasting dudes.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:48] So, this next letter is from John Shoemaker, real name withheld.

[1:10:52] I don't like all these format breaks we've got going on here, you guys.

[1:10:56] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:56] Well, you don't have to choose these letters.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:58] That's true.

[1:10:59] I could punish them for.

[1:11:00] Or you could, you could actually change them entirely, whole cloth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:04] Have you ever seen Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:09] So, this is a three-part letter.

[1:11:11] How's Dan's name?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:12] Dan takes these letters and adds a PS at the bottom and then tries to sell them at, like,

[1:11:15] an antiquarian bookshop.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:18] This doesn't sound like Dorothy Parker.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:20] Yeah, he would try and do it.

[1:11:22] Then after a while, when they're onto him, they would have me, his much more charming friend,

[1:11:25] do it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:27] Oh, I really want to see Can You Ever Flop Give Me?

[1:11:30] The Flophouse version of Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:33] Okay, this is a triptych of questions.

[1:11:36] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:38] Okay, let's set them next to each other.

[1:11:41] See if it makes, see if we can fold them together to make a different picture, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:45] Yeah, some kind of altarpiece.

[1:11:48] How is Dan's knee doing?

[1:11:50] Has Stuart actually punched anyone he's threatened on the pod?

[1:11:53] Oh, shit.

[1:11:54] Does Elliot still sing to his son?

[1:11:56] Since Elliot John Shoemaker, real name withheld.

[1:11:58] This is a cop.

[1:12:00] It's a cop.

[1:12:01] It's a cop.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:02] Yeah.

[1:12:02] Question number four.

[1:12:03] Hey, do you guys have any drugs?

[1:12:05] Can I buy some from you?

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:06] Oh, man, he's got to tell us.

[1:12:07] I have a question for you, question keeper.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:10] So, Dan, how's your knee?

[1:12:12] It's fine.

[1:12:13] Every once in a while, I get some pain.

[1:12:15] It's like, you know, 90% of what it was before I screwed it up, but, you know, it's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:20] And ever since I stole a horse and went into the woods to pick some herbs and made a poultice for your leg, it's felt much better.

[1:12:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:27] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:30] Question number two.

[1:12:30] I only just saw a movie.

[1:12:31] Yeah.

[1:12:32] I liked it.

[1:12:36] To answer your question, no, I live a life of nonviolence, so I don't punch anyone that I threaten on the air.

[1:12:45] Officer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:46] And I sing to my kids all the time.

[1:12:50] I have a song for my little baby that is called It's Okay for when he's crying that tends to calm him down.

[1:12:56] And I sing to my older son, Sammy, quite a bit, but he doesn't like it when I sing songs about him or about his brother.

[1:13:01] And he'll go, don't sing about me.

[1:13:03] And then I'll start singing about the baby.

[1:13:05] And he goes, don't sing about my brother.

[1:13:07] Oh, wow.

[1:13:09] He's like, you don't know my life, dad.

[1:13:11] Exactly.

[1:13:12] Dad, from your privileged position as a grownup, you can't see what it's like to be a kid.

[1:13:18] But one thing that I've learned about my older son, Sammy, is that it is impossible for him to hear music without dancing.

[1:13:25] Even if a car drives by with music coming out of the windows, he'll dance for a couple seconds.

[1:13:29] So I've been taking advantage of that.

[1:13:31] Just seeing him dance.

[1:13:33] All right.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:34] Last question of the episode.

[1:13:36] Yep.

[1:13:37] From Steve, last name withheld.

[1:13:38] Okay.

[1:13:39] Hold into the traditional patterns.

[1:13:41] Savage Steve Holland.

[1:13:42] Savage Steve Holland.

[1:13:42] Oh, great.

[1:13:44] It's for Stewart.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:45] Did you guys like that dancing burger from Better Off Dead?

[1:13:49] Was it too much?

[1:13:50] Get the hell out of here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:51] That's the best part of any movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:55] Did you like the dancing burger?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:00] Do you think they ripped off my dancing burger in Batteries Not Included?

[1:14:04] Question mark.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:07] The answer's probably.

[1:14:08] This is the question for Stewart.

[1:14:10] Uh-huh.

[1:14:10] Cool.

[1:14:11] Would you rather watch 40 days and 40 nights one time or eight crazy nights five times?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:21] You know, I've actually never seen eight crazy nights.

[1:14:24] So this feels like me reaching into an empty bag of scorpions.

[1:14:28] Or are there scorpions?

[1:14:29] We don't know.

[1:14:30] And I don't know why I said it's empty because I already clearly said it had scorpions in

[1:14:33] it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:34] And someone's like, reach your hand into this empty bag of scorpions.

[1:14:37] Okay, cool.

[1:14:38] No problem.

[1:14:39] I stopped listening.

[1:14:40] I kind of gave way there's no scorpions in there.

[1:14:43] Not scared.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:47] I'm going to pick eight crazy nights because the other one makes me so mad.

[1:14:51] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:52] So that was a great letter mostly because it led us to an empty bag of scorpions.

[1:14:58] Anyway, so let's do our last thing on the show, which is.

[1:15:02] What do we do?

[1:15:03] We recommend movies that we've seen and enjoyed that you should probably watch before you watch

[1:15:07] Oscar, even though we kind of liked Oscar.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:09] Recommendations Oscar edition.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:12] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bo-boo-ba-boo-ba-boo-ba-bee-ba-boo.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:16] So we haven't taped.

[1:15:18] Pow.

[1:15:18] Okay.

[1:15:19] We haven't taped in a little while.

[1:15:20] We put out a live episode.

[1:15:22] Other stuff that's going on.

[1:15:23] So that gave you plenty of time to watch a movie.

[1:15:26] Actually, I was going to say the movie I watched, I watched a while back, so I don't remember

[1:15:30] a lot about it at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:32] Okay.

[1:15:32] This is all good backstory that the audience needs to know.

[1:15:35] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:36] Otherwise, I know that I enjoyed it.

[1:15:39] It's called Black Coal Thin Ice.

[1:15:40] Did I recommend this?

[1:15:41] I don't think I did.

[1:15:42] Did I?

[1:15:43] I don't think so.

[1:15:44] I'll pretend we did.

[1:15:45] I'll find out.

[1:15:46] It's a Chinese film.

[1:15:48] It's from 2014.

[1:15:50] Black Coal?

[1:15:51] Black Coal.

[1:15:52] Coal.

[1:15:53] Okay.

[1:15:54] Black Coal Thin Ice.

[1:15:56] Didn't recommend it, guys.

[1:15:57] Great.

[1:15:58] It's a film noir.

[1:16:00] It's about these dismembered human body parts start showing up in coal shipments all around

[1:16:08] the cities in the local cities in this area of China.

[1:16:13] And a detective is inside to investigate, and he thinks that he solves the case in kind

[1:16:19] of this bloodbath that haunts him for years later.

[1:16:23] He becomes a drunk, but then stuff starts happening again that's eerily similar to what happened

[1:16:28] before.

[1:16:29] And, you know, it doesn't, like, the plot doesn't, like, totally, like, shock and surprise

[1:16:38] and, like, hold together in the way that I kind of would like it to, but the atmospherics

[1:16:42] of the movie are really good.

[1:16:45] Like, it's just a great-looking movie.

[1:16:47] It's a creepy-feeling movie.

[1:16:49] And if you're looking for a film noir from another country, it's very interesting and enjoyable.

[1:16:55] So, Black Coal, Thin Ice.

[1:16:59] Cool.

[1:16:59] Sounds cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:01] I'm going to recommend a movie from last, actually, yeah, I think it was from last year.

[1:17:06] I might have seen a release this year.

[1:17:08] It's a movie called Piercing.

[1:17:11] It's a, I guess, American or Western movie based on a novel by a Japanese author.

[1:17:18] I'm probably going to mess this up.

[1:17:20] Ryu Murakami, the author of the novel that the movie Audition was based on, the movie I

[1:17:25] mentioned a little bit ago.

[1:17:28] It's a movie about a man who is driven by an urge to kill and for fear that he might

[1:17:35] take this urge out on his newborn child.

[1:17:38] He instead pretends, he lies to his wife about going out of town on a business trip and instead

[1:17:45] goes to a hotel and hires a prostitute with the intention of murdering her.

[1:17:49] And then it kind of spins out of control from there.

[1:17:53] And it ends like it's this very carefully crafted movie.

[1:17:58] The a lot of the exteriors are all done with miniatures and it it feels very stylized without

[1:18:08] being kind of hokey and the performances are all really cool.

[1:18:13] And it ends up being a horrifying movie that is also a movie kind of about like connection

[1:18:21] and communication.

[1:18:23] And I found it to be like I found it to be really interesting.

[1:18:27] It doesn't offer.

[1:18:28] I feel like it brings up a lot of questions and doesn't really offer answers.

[1:18:31] But I recommend it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:36] All right, guys, I'm going to recommend a movie that later today will either win an Academy

Dan McCoy

[1:18:40] Award or will not win an Academy Award.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:44] And this is one of the movies nominated for the best documentary category.

[1:18:48] It's called Mind.

[1:18:48] It's called Minding the Gap.

[1:18:50] Oh, cool.

[1:18:51] And it's a movie by Bing Liu, which is about him and these two other young men who are all

[1:18:56] skateboarders and basically following their lives as three guys growing up in this very kind

[1:19:04] of like mid-sized, I guess, town in Illinois that does not have a lot of promise for young

[1:19:12] men who are trying to make lives or careers and how each of these three guys, one is black,

[1:19:17] one's white, and the director is Chinese, how they kind of like grow up in different ways

[1:19:24] and how the as it unfolds, you realize they've each been the victims in some way or another

[1:19:30] of abuse by their fathers and how they now see themselves as men growing up and how they

[1:19:37] kind of deal with the with the past that they've been given.

[1:19:41] And I'm being kind of vague about it, if only because I went into it having heard a little

[1:19:46] bit about it, but not knowing how these guys lives were going to turn out.

[1:19:49] And it meant that I really felt like I was seeing these guys unfold in front of me in

[1:19:53] a way that was surprising and interesting.

[1:19:55] So I really liked a lot.

[1:19:56] It's a real heavy movie.

[1:19:58] It's very emotional.

[1:19:59] But there's also a lot of sweet skateboarding footage in it.

[1:20:02] Oh, cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:03] They throw in a lot of bloops.

[1:20:04] A lot of dudes smashing their nuts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:07] I mean, not bloops, but guys do fall down a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:10] Gleam a cube.

[1:20:11] Was a cube gleamed at any time?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:13] I don't think any cubes are gleaned.

[1:20:17] But it's interesting to see.

[1:20:19] Like skateboarding is one of those sports that's always been interesting to me because it's like

[1:20:22] no matter how good you are at it, you will still keep falling down.

[1:20:26] And the only way to get good at it is to fall down a lot.

[1:20:29] So like even if you're really talented from a young age, you still fall down a lot at it.

[1:20:34] And the skateboarding really becomes kind of like a metaphor for life in a way, like the

[1:20:38] frustrations of it and the need to get back on the board even once you've fallen down

[1:20:42] and gotten angry and how important it is to keep on living.

[1:20:45] So anyway, Minding the Gap.

[1:20:46] I liked it a lot.

[1:20:47] But it's an emotional movie.

[1:20:49] It's like not a it's not a movie to sit down and be like, oh, this will be a fun movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:53] I feel like there's a lot of there's a lot of documentaries that I've heard a fair amount

[1:20:57] of buzz about that are all going into the Academy Awards this year.

[1:21:01] And I don't know if it's just like it like the way that streaming services have made it

[1:21:06] possible for more documentaries to find audiences or whether like the renewed interest in true

[1:21:12] crime has led people to an interest in documentary style stuff.

[1:21:16] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:17] I don't know.

[1:21:17] I do think that for all that people complain people who make big movies that get shown in

[1:21:22] movie theaters don't like streaming services because it means people watch stuff on their

[1:21:26] home in their homes instead of in the theaters, which I have mixed feelings about because,

[1:21:30] yeah, it's great to see stuff in the theaters.

[1:21:31] But like I don't have time to go to the theaters all the time.

[1:21:33] I'd much rather watch like have the opportunity to watch a movie where it's convenient for me.

[1:21:37] Yeah.

[1:21:37] You work for me, movie makers.

[1:21:39] But I do think that the streaming services have been very good for documentaries because

[1:21:43] it provides a market for them that didn't exist before.

[1:21:47] Like there are a lot of documentaries that previously would have been shown at festivals,

[1:21:50] would have gotten some kind of maybe DVD release that wouldn't go much of anywhere.

[1:21:55] But now the streaming services are so hungry for material and people are, I think, more

[1:22:00] likely to watch one at home than they are to go to a movie theater to see a documentary.

[1:22:04] Yeah.

[1:22:04] And so like it's, I think it's really, and like I think Hulu, I don't know if they produced

[1:22:11] it, but like it's, it's branded as a Hulu documentary.

[1:22:13] They must have either, either they put up money for it or they, you know, did the distribution

[1:22:18] for it or whatever.

[1:22:19] But like if Hulu is putting money towards this kind of project, then like that's great.

[1:22:24] I don't know what other major media outlet is putting up, maybe like HBO is putting up

[1:22:31] money for that kind of documentary stuff.

[1:22:33] Netflix and who's aside from streaming, like streaming, I think has been very good for

[1:22:36] funding and distribution for documentaries.

[1:22:39] Not so great for small movies because even though they get distributed, they don't get

[1:22:44] theatrical runs a lot and they just end up as one of the, you may also like screen, you

[1:22:49] know, thumbnails on your thing, but for documentary, I think it's been good.

[1:22:53] And that's Ellie Kalin talking about something he doesn't really know that much about.

[1:22:58] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:59] Great episode as always.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:00] You can watch this.

[1:23:01] But anyway, that's my way of saying if you have Hulu, you can watch this documentary

[1:23:04] right now.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:05] Cool.

[1:23:05] Dan, what do we do now?

[1:23:07] Now we sign off.

[1:23:08] This has been, I hope that this Oscar episode has been filled with all the glitz and glamour

[1:23:13] you were looking for.

[1:23:14] I mean, I am wearing a tuxedo.

[1:23:15] And, you know, I guess we'll meet back here in one year and watch Oscar all over again.

[1:23:21] Oh.

[1:23:22] I should have read the fine print on the contract.

[1:23:27] But thanks guys.

[1:23:29] Thanks for listening.

[1:23:30] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[1:23:33] Listen to a lot of other great podcasts we got there.

[1:23:36] Yeah.

[1:23:37] Tweet about us.

[1:23:38] Fleet about us.

[1:23:40] Meet about us.

[1:23:41] Yeah.

[1:23:41] Why not?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:41] Cheat about us.

[1:23:42] Wait a minute.

[1:23:44] Hold on.

[1:23:44] Don't do that.

[1:23:46] Please leave a review for us on iTunes or wherever you download your podcasts.

[1:23:50] Please continue to support Maximum Fun.

[1:23:54] And please, yeah, help us spread the word about the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:57] Okay.

[1:23:57] Well, you guys are great.

[1:24:00] I love you both.

[1:24:01] Oh, wow.

[1:24:01] Thanks.

[1:24:02] Dan, are you dying?

[1:24:03] What's going on?

[1:24:05] We'll talk about it all fair.

[1:24:06] No.

[1:24:06] For the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:08] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:24:10] Hey, I guess I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:13] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:24:14] And over here on the couch, done with my nap, it's me, Sylvester Stallone, ready to go with

[1:24:19] you guys to see Hamilton on the Great White Way.

[1:24:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:35] Now that you live in LA, are you able to put more context to all the porn you watch?

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:39] Whenever I walk into a house, I'm like, oh, so that's why they do it this way.

[1:24:43] I see.

[1:24:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:45] That's why they design houses this way.

[1:24:48] We need more room for the cameraman to watch, you know, the aging but beautiful old Dilf.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:59] Dilf?

[1:24:59] What is that?

[1:25:00] Dad, I'd like to fuck.

[1:25:02] Oh, oh, I see.

[1:25:03] The, I thought it was like a, I don't know, like a dragon.

[1:25:07] I mean.

[1:25:08] That I'd like to fuck.

[1:25:09] I feel like that's an oxymoron.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:12] You mean a redundancy?

[1:25:13] Yeah, thank you.

[1:25:15] MaximumFun.org.

[1:25:18] Comedy and culture.

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[1:25:19] Artist owned.

[1:25:20] Listener supported.

Ep. #278 - Oscar Review Special

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