Ep. #279 - The Dark Tower LIVE

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of the podcast, we discuss the Dark Tower, live in Brooklyn, New York!

Stuart Wellington

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:42] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:47] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[0:51] And I'm Hallie Haglund.

Dan McCoy

[1:00] Wait a minute, there's an extra person here, Hallie!

[1:04] I'm amazed at her, not everyone else.

[1:06] That was the joke.

[1:09] We went over this dude.

[1:12] Not to make bad jokes?

[1:14] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15] When do we go over the don't make bad jokes rule?

[1:19] So I said Hallie's name three times in a mirror, and she appeared.

[1:26] It only works if you've already arranged for Hallie to meet you at the place where you are.

Dan McCoy

[1:34] So guys, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[1:39] Yeah.

[1:40] And on this episode, we watched the Dark Tower, which we explained to you right before the music played.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] And that takes you to now.

[1:49] Yeah, okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:50] So if you're a time traveler, you're all caught up.

[1:53] Wait, hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] And now, this week's exciting episode of The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[2:00] Is brought to you by Lucky Strikes.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03] Oh, Lucky Strikes.

[2:04] You know, it's a radio show?

[2:05] Yeah.

[2:07] I was going to do one of my...

Dan McCoy

[2:08] It's a bowling radio show.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] Yeah.

[2:10] Yeah, that's right.

[2:12] Legally different from the other Lucky Strikes.

[2:16] I was reminiscing with someone recently about a thing that you don't see much on TV anymore,

[2:21] which is bumpers for TV shows that then announce the sponsors.

[2:25] And my favorite of those was on The X-Files.

[2:27] The guy had to do a quick change in tone.

[2:30] Because he had to say,

[2:31] The X-Files is brought to you by rolled gold pretzels.

[2:36] Because The X-Files has to sound creepy, but rolled gold pretzels doesn't want to sound creepy.

[2:41] No.

Hallie Haglund

[2:42] You don't want to be like...

[2:43] I can't even believe that it happened so recently.

[2:45] I mean, not that The X-Files wasn't recently, but that shocks me that it was even that recently,

[2:50] that they were still doing it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] That they're still doing this?

[2:52] Hey, you know, that was longer ago than you think it was, Allie.

[2:54] You're older than you think.

Hallie Haglund

[2:57] And then my gray hair just appears.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] Allie's sporting a great rogue-style gray streak in her hair.

Hallie Haglund

[3:06] It's all natural, girls.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] So, Dan, The Dark Tower, what's that like?

[3:14] Okay, it's like a TV show?

Dan McCoy

[3:16] Stephen King read a poem once called

[3:20] Child Rollin' to the Dark Tower Came, or something like that.

[3:24] And he was like, hey, that sounds cool.

[3:26] Let me write seven books about this.

[3:28] Uh-huh.

[3:30] And then they made a movie based on all seven of them, right?

[3:32] Kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] What I like is he did with a poem what they do with Star Wars action figures,

[3:40] where they're like, we got to tell the story of everyone involved in this.

[3:44] Like, what's this Dark Tower about?

[3:46] Who's rolling?

[3:47] What's going on?

[3:47] Who's that guy in the background?

[3:49] Maybe he should have a story.

[3:50] Spin him off.

[3:51] Come on.

[3:52] What's Nyanyub's story?

[3:54] I mean, I do want to know what Nyanyub's story is.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:57] Yeah.

[3:58] You happen to hit on one of the few Star Wars aliens where I'm like, yeah, give me a spin-off

[4:01] on that guy.

Dan McCoy

[4:02] Where's my Salacious Crumb movie?

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] Where's my Ponda Beba movie?

[4:07] How did he get so salacious?

[4:08] Yeah, how did he get so salacious?

[4:09] I think we've covered this in the podcast before.

[4:11] Is he related to our Crumb or not?

[4:14] They have a similar interest in, you know, larger folk.

[4:19] Okay.

[4:20] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[4:22] Yeah, do you remember that R Crumb job of the hot comics, Drippy Drew?

Dan McCoy

[4:26] Yeah.

[4:27] It was really sexy.

[4:28] It was really too much.

[4:30] So, Hallie, you love fantasy.

[4:33] There's nothing that you would have enjoyed more than watching this movie, right?

Hallie Haglund

[4:38] I texted Dan and I was like, I'm making a strict rom-com policy every time I participate

[4:45] in these.

Dan McCoy

[4:46] Or horror movies.

[4:47] You like horror movies.

Hallie Haglund

[4:48] I opened it up to horror movies.

[4:49] But not like sci-fi horror movies.

[4:51] Like actual people are getting murdered and there's romantic tension, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[4:58] But between the people and the murderer or?

Hallie Haglund

[5:02] Hopefully.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] Now, Dan, I've never read these Dark Tower books.

[5:08] You have.

[5:09] Do you think that for a seven book epic series, I have to assume, I'm guessing sprawling with

[5:15] dozens or if not hundreds of characters.

[5:18] Do you think a one hour and 30 minute film adequately captured the scope of the story?

[5:24] This epic tale?

Dan McCoy

[5:26] It was pretty good at getting like, I don't know, like half of the first book and then

[5:32] like a few pages of the last three books.

[5:35] Like, I feel like that was sort of what they were going for, maybe.

[5:39] Like greatest hits?

[5:40] Yeah, that's right.

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] It felt like the movie was made by a kid who had a book report the next day in the form

[5:46] of a movie and it's like, I only got like halfway through the first book.

[5:50] I'll just read the last page of the last book and I'll make the movie out of that.

[5:55] Dan, should we talk to me about what happened in this movie in case they haven't, in case

[5:58] like most of the world, they haven't seen it?

[6:02] So, the dark tower starts, fittingly enough, with darkness.

[6:07] A black screen and there's text on the screen.

[6:12] That tells us.

Stuart Wellington

[6:12] Which is appropriate because it's based on a book.

[6:14] Exactly.

[6:15] Which is text on a page.

Hallie Haglund

[6:18] On a dark page.

[6:20] It's all printed on black pages.

[6:22] It says white letter.

Dan McCoy

[6:23] Very hard.

[6:24] It's really like, they spent a fortune in ink doing it that way.

[6:27] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[6:28] But it had to be that way.

[6:30] It worked.

Elliott Kalan

[6:32] The text on screen tells us that there's a tower that stands at the center of the universe

[6:36] and protects the universe from darkness.

[6:39] The mind of a child can bring it down.

[6:42] Now, don't worry.

[6:44] Don't worry.

[6:45] That same concept will be mentioned to you several more times throughout the film.

[6:50] I missed all of that.

[6:56] I mean, it's literally the first thing you see in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[6:59] So, which cat were you petting instead of watching the movie?

Hallie Haglund

[7:03] I don't know.

[7:04] Literally, I was like, why are all these kids involved?

[7:08] Even till this moment.

Stuart Wellington

[7:11] Did you do the thing I do sometimes where I start the movie and I'm like,

[7:14] it's time to go pop some popcorn.

[7:16] And I come back and I'm like, Ben Kingsley, what's he doing here?

[7:20] What's the part?

[7:21] In your apartment.

[7:23] What's the part of the movie where there's...

[7:24] That's my popcorn, Ben Kingsley.

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] Guys, Ben Kingsley sublet space from Hallie in her apartment.

[7:31] We all know this.

[7:33] Guys, when you're watching a movie...

Hallie Haglund

[7:35] He's in an office space.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] What's the part of the movie that you think is least likely to have necessary information?

[7:43] For the rest of the film, certainly the opening is not going to have that information.

Hallie Haglund

[7:49] I don't even know if you're joking.

Elliott Kalan

[7:56] I like the idea...

[7:57] I like the thing that you pressed play and the words play came up on screen.

[8:01] You were like, seen it.

[8:04] I'll come back when this part's over.

Hallie Haglund

[8:06] No, literally I pressed play and then I started texting Dan like, fuck this.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] Hallie just watched the finale of The Americans.

[8:16] She's like, this doesn't make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] So guys, the text is on the screen.

[8:21] Now, this is not the worst way the movie could have started.

[8:23] The worst way it could have started is if the teenage main character had told us that information via voiceover.

[8:29] Perhaps referring to it as a prophecy or something his mama once told him.

[8:33] So that doesn't happen.

[8:35] But we see there's this creepy place where Matthew McConaughey is keeping a bunch of kids.

[8:39] It looks kind of like, I don't know, like a boarding school or something.

[8:43] And when it comes to a certain time, you've got to pick a kid, strap him into a clockwork orange chair, and force a laser beam out of his head to try to knock down a tower.

[8:52] And that's called puberty.

[8:54] It's one of those schools.

[8:54] Yes.

[8:57] So that's all an elaborate puberty metaphor.

[8:59] That's right.

[9:00] So in this case, Matthew McConaughey is what, your hormones?

Dan McCoy

[9:04] But, you know, it's like normal life.

[9:06] You ejaculate brain power.

Elliott Kalan

[9:11] I think I know why nobody wants to share an office with you at work, Dan.

[9:19] Now I like to think you, now I think you like to go like, here's an idea, and then you just ejaculate.

[9:28] Straight from the old think box.

[9:32] Okay.

[9:32] It turns out this tower that they knocked down, it wasn't real.

[9:35] It's just a dream this kid Jake is having.

[9:37] Jake's a truck.

[9:38] There was an earthquake.

[9:39] Wait, earthquake.

[9:39] There was an earthquake while he was.

[9:41] It's a cake made out of soil, and there's worms in it.

[9:45] It's very good for you.

[9:46] Those are great.

[9:46] Yeah.

[9:48] There was an earthquake in the night.

[9:49] He slept through it.

[9:50] But he's a troubled kid.

[9:51] He really misses his dad, who is a dead firefighter.

[9:54] And he does a lot of...

[9:57] I didn't...

Dan McCoy

[9:57] Nothing a Brooklyn audience finds funnier than dead firefighters, apparently.

Elliott Kalan

[10:04] But all I guess, the audience reacted to that as if I was making a joke.

[10:08] Because I was like, this is going to get him.

[10:11] I'll...

[10:11] And he's always drawing stuff from the stuff we saw in the beginning.

[10:17] He's always drawing these crazy fantasy pictures.

[10:19] And it's like, I mean, come on.

[10:21] Who is this guy?

[10:21] One of the Hildebrandt brothers?

[10:22] Like, what's going on here?

[10:23] You know?

[10:24] This is Boris Vallejo all of a sudden?

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] How come the kids in these movies...

Elliott Kalan

[10:28] Wayne Barlow walk into this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[10:30] These kids, they get visions in these movies.

[10:32] How come they're all artistically talented?

[10:35] Like, what if they went to a kid and everyone's like, I don't know what you're doing.

[10:39] Is that a...

[10:40] Is that person?

[10:41] Is that...

[10:42] Yeah.

[10:42] Just like stick figures?

[10:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:45] I had a vision of a dark tower and a man in black.

[10:47] Oh, yeah.

[10:49] Okay.

[10:49] I kind of see that now.

[10:51] Yeah.

[10:51] Oh, no.

[10:51] It's great.

[10:52] So this is the man here.

[10:54] You're holding it upside down.

[10:56] Oh, okay.

[10:58] No, you're great, kid.

[10:59] You're great.

[11:00] Anyway.

[11:01] He gets bullied.

[11:02] He gets into fights at school.

[11:03] His therapist thinks you're always dreaming about darkness and fire because of this family trauma

[11:08] you're dealing with.

Hallie Haglund

[11:08] No, this was a scene that actually really stuck out to me in a movie that I didn't pay attention

[11:13] to at all.

[11:15] No, because it just felt like very aggressive by the therapist.

[11:19] It's like, he wasn't listening to him.

[11:21] He was more just like telling him what all his thoughts meant.

[11:25] And I was like, this is not therapy, okay?

Dan McCoy

[11:28] Yeah, fire him.

[11:30] You deserve better, kid.

Hallie Haglund

[11:32] I mean, that's really the part that stood out to me.

Elliott Kalan

[11:37] Well, the part that stood out to me, strangely enough, comes up in the next scene that the

[11:41] kid is wandering around the streets, specifically Broadway just below 14th.

[11:45] I knew it well because I went to school around there.

[11:48] So I was like, hey, I remember that like kitchen supply store.

[11:52] I used to walk by that all the time.

[11:54] And then I got back into the movie.

[11:56] He sees a guy kind of from his dream who's got weird skin.

[11:59] And then a crazy homeless man is like, hey, stay away.

[12:02] Watch out.

[12:03] You didn't talk.

Dan McCoy

[12:05] Well, tell me.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] Talk it into the microphone, Hallie.

[12:09] Hallie, take advantage of this opportunity to talk about the skin seams.

Hallie Haglund

[12:11] The skin seams.

[12:12] So that's how they know that people are from this other universe.

[12:15] That's how he knows.

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] Yeah, there's rat people who put fake skin on their body and there's a seam in the back

[12:20] of their neck.

[12:21] That's pretty standard.

[12:22] That's boilerplate.

[12:23] Oh.

[12:24] And Matthew McConaughey gets mad if you don't put your skin on.

[12:27] I mean, come on.

[12:27] Oh.

[12:30] Tell me another one.

Elliott Kalan

[12:35] So, uh, anyway.

[12:37] So, we're checking off the boxes.

[12:39] He's a troubled kid.

[12:40] Draws pictures of his dreams.

[12:41] Yeah.

[12:42] Homeless man yells some kind of warning prophecy at him.

[12:45] You got it.

[12:45] Skin seams.

[12:46] We're all checking off the boxes.

[12:48] He has another dream about Matthew McConaughey.

[12:50] And Matthew McConaughey's just talking kind of about the bleak emptiness of the universe

[12:53] to some dude right before he burns up up in fire.

[12:56] And as we'll learn, Matthew McConaughey is playing the villain, the man in black, a.k.a.

[13:01] Walter.

[13:03] Which is what the hero of the movie, Idris Elba, continually refers to him as.

[13:07] He's like, Walter!

Dan McCoy

[13:09] Walter!

[13:09] The same name as the protagonist of the new Muppet film.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] What if, now, that, what if it was Walter the Muppet?

Dan McCoy

[13:17] And I'm like, I knew you were a bad guy, Walter.

[13:19] Yeah.

[13:20] Your blank affect disguised your evil...

[13:25] Wow, calm down.

[13:26] Okay.

[13:27] I hate...

[13:28] I hate that character so much.

[13:31] I know.

[13:32] He came in, he took what rightfully was permits.

[13:37] And now everyone's pretending.

[13:39] And he gets to be Jason Segel's brother, right?

[13:41] I know.

[13:42] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[13:42] All right, I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[13:44] I think the freeze frame at the end of the Muppets, when they throw Walter up in the air

[13:47] and it freeze frames, I was like, he gets the freeze frame?

[13:51] Nobody likes him.

[13:52] And it was like that moment in Crystal Skull when Shia LaBeouf puts on Indy's hat and I

[13:56] wanted to walk into the screen and slap it off his head.

[14:00] Like, you don't get to do that.

[14:04] Anyway, also in this dream, he sees Idris Elba, who's playing the character of Roland,

[14:09] the gunslinger.

[14:10] Yep, that, I guess, either there's some kind of wild animal in the audience or someone

[14:15] was just thinking about Idris Elba.

[14:20] Now, Idris Elba is talking to Dennis Haysbert.

[14:23] They're both gunslingers, I guess.

[14:24] And he's like, oh no, we've lost.

[14:26] This is the end.

[14:27] Oh no.

[14:28] And then they say this oath about like, I don't shoot with my gun.

[14:30] I shoot with my heart or some garbage.

[14:32] And Matt McConaughey kills Dennis Haysbert.

[14:35] And then he's like, Roland, you're immune to my magic.

[14:37] And then it cuts to a shot of an old house.

[14:41] And Jake is like, I gotta, he wakes up and he goes, I gotta find that old house.

[14:45] And of course he posts on the message board, where's that house dot com.

[14:50] To find where this house is.

Stuart Wellington

[14:51] There's a moment around here where Idris Elba shoots Matthew McConaughey in the back

[14:56] of the head.

[14:57] And Matthew McConaughey just pulls the bullet out of the air.

[15:00] And it is so uninteresting.

[15:05] We watched a movie a little bit ago that was like filmed in 1993 with a shoestring budget

[15:10] with Andrew Dice Clay in it.

[15:11] And that had bullet grabs that were way more exciting than this.

Elliott Kalan

[15:16] There's a scene in the, later on where Matthew McConaughey catches a bullet and then hurls

[15:20] it back really fast.

[15:22] And the same exact thing happens in this Andrew Dice Clay movie from 25 years ago.

[15:26] And in that movie, I was like, that was pretty cool.

[15:27] And in this one, I'm like, oh, it looks really goofy because his hand moves super fast.

[15:31] Like he's a cartoon character.

[15:32] Or like the universe turned on motion smoothing for some reason.

[15:37] Okay.

[15:38] This is all this.

Hallie Haglund

[15:39] Well, also one of his murder techniques is he just goes up to people and goes, stop breathing.

[15:43] And then they die.

Elliott Kalan

[15:46] And when Matthew McConaughey does.

[15:47] And I've tried that.

[15:49] That doesn't work.

Stuart Wellington

[15:51] And it plays really well in a movie.

[15:53] Like that's a really visual way to kill someone.

[15:56] Why couldn't he say like, have your head explode or something?

Elliott Kalan

[16:01] Now, Matthew McConaughey, he's a wizard.

[16:03] Be a scanners.

[16:04] He's an evil wizard.

[16:06] And he goes up to people all the time and he tells them like, kill each other.

[16:09] Or like, stop breathing.

[16:11] Now, imagine if you will, Matthew McConaughey, right before the director yelled, action.

[16:16] He was reading his credit card number.

[16:19] To maybe he was buying, it's like in Being John Malkovich, he's buying a set of towels.

[16:23] And he's just reading his credit card number and the director said, action.

[16:25] And with that same enthusiasm, he just rolls into his lines.

[16:29] Like that's kind of the level of energy he brings to the entire movie.

[16:34] His every line is like, well, I guess it's going to be a rude awakening for planet Earth.

[16:38] You know, that kind of stuff.

[16:39] You know, like we got to knock down the tower, then I'll be king of it all.

[16:44] Like he could not be less interested in his own wicked plans.

[16:50] Hallie, your rebuttal.

Hallie Haglund

[16:53] Dallas Buyers Club.

[16:55] More like Dallas Sellout Club.

[16:59] Oh!

[17:01] Oh!

Dan McCoy

[17:03] Oh!

[17:04] Bing!

[17:05] Bing!

Dan McCoy

[17:05] Bing!

[17:06] Bing!

Dan McCoy

[17:06] Bing!

[17:07] Bing!

[17:08] Bing!

[17:09] Bing!

[17:10] Bing!

[17:11] Bing!

[17:12] Bing!

[17:13] Bing!

[17:14] Bing!

Elliott Kalan

[17:15] Bing!

[17:16] Bing!

[17:17] We all mimed different things.

[17:18] Bing!

[17:19] Bing!

Elliott Kalan

[17:19] Bing!

[17:20] Bing!

[17:21] Listening to that.

[17:22] Allie, great work.

[17:27] If you'd like to pick up your guest gift

[17:30] and just go now, that's okay.

Dan McCoy

[17:31] You're Amy for best podcast guest.

Elliott Kalan

[17:37] Okay, all of Jake's craziness,

[17:39] the fights at school, those dumb drawings,

[17:41] always...

[17:42] That was a cheer for Stuart opening a beer.

[17:49] I thought someone got shot.

Dan McCoy

[17:51] No, we would protect you by plucking it out of the air

[17:56] and throwing it someplace else, Hallie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:58] It's cool.

[18:00] So, Jake's BS is not going over well with his stepdad.

Dan McCoy

[18:04] We're only this far into the movie.

[18:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] No, we're going to rush through a lot of other stuff.

[18:09] Let's speed it up.

[18:11] Jake's stepdad, he's arranged for some people

[18:13] from a psychiatric clinic to come by and pick up Jake.

[18:15] And Jake's mom is like,

[18:16] ah, I guess so, okay.

[18:19] But the driver of the van from the clinic

[18:21] he's got...

Hallie Haglund

[18:22] A fucking skin seam.

Elliott Kalan

[18:25] It's clear.

[18:26] These people are from that other world

[18:28] where the bad guy lives.

[18:29] And then Jake manages to catch a glimpse

[18:31] of the message board of his computer

[18:32] and the address of that house comes up.

[18:34] And he goes, bathroom window, don't fail me now.

[18:36] And he jumps out of it.

[18:38] Rooftop, chase, parkour, parkour, parkour.

[18:41] Jake loses the bad guys by,

[18:43] correct me if I'm wrong,

[18:44] entering the uptown side of,

[18:45] I think it's the 28th Street subway station,

[18:47] and then exiting the downtown side

[18:49] of the 28th Street subway station.

[18:51] Unless he ran across the tracks,

[18:53] Jake, you can't do that.

[18:59] This is when the movie

[19:00] really pushed my suspension of disbelief

[19:03] too far.

[19:04] I was like,

[19:05] the kids have laser beams

[19:06] that come out of their heads

[19:07] and they knock over a magic tower.

[19:08] You got it.

[19:09] Portals, bad guys, so forth.

[19:10] Wait, hold on a second.

[19:12] We're supposed to believe

[19:13] this is a hub station?

Stuart Wellington

[19:17] No, thank you.

[19:17] Yeah, Elliot was on IMDb

[19:18] pointing this out.

Elliott Kalan

[19:22] Dark Tower,

[19:23] meet the goofs page.

[19:26] Because I got one for you.

[19:28] Anyway,

[19:29] Jake goes to this house.

[19:30] It's abandoned.

[19:30] It's got a portal in its other worlds.

[19:32] He's about to step through this portal

[19:34] when suddenly

[19:34] the wood of the house

[19:35] starts attacking him.

[19:36] It looks like he's a goner

[19:37] until he yells,

[19:38] stop,

[19:39] and it does.

[19:41] He goes through the portal

[19:42] to kind of like...

Stuart Wellington

[19:42] It's like they had

[19:43] a wood monster for one day

[19:45] and they're like,

[19:45] I guess we gotta use it.

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] We need a monster for this scene.

[19:51] All we have are the old bleachers

[19:53] from the abandoned high school.

[19:55] Make it work.

[19:55] Make it with Tim Gunn

[19:56] as the director.

[19:56] Make it work.

[19:59] He goes to this desert world

[20:00] that looks kind of like

[20:01] the desert world from Phantasm

[20:03] but not as cool.

[20:04] And he's like,

[20:05] whoa.

[20:05] But to be honest,

[20:06] it looks pretty crappy.

Stuart Wellington

[20:08] Yeah, so he goes through

[20:09] a portal,

[20:10] I'm assuming to what?

[20:11] New Jersey?

[20:11] Is that the closest thing

[20:13] to New York?

[20:13] Yeah, the deserts

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] of New Jersey, yeah.

[20:15] Sorry.

[20:16] He's in a place

[20:17] called Midworld now

[20:18] and there's all these

[20:20] different worlds.

[20:20] Still sounds like

[20:21] New Jersey to me.

[20:24] Meanwhile,

[20:25] Matty McConaughey's place,

[20:25] his headquarters in Midworld,

[20:26] they're still trying out

[20:27] different kids

[20:28] to see if they've got

[20:28] the strong enough laser beam

[20:29] to knock down these things.

[20:31] They say,

[20:31] oh, someone crossed

[20:32] through an old portal.

[20:33] McConaughey goes,

[20:34] send me there.

[20:35] Jake stumbles across

[20:36] Roland the Gunfighter's campsite.

[20:38] He's like,

[20:38] you're the guy from my dream.

[20:40] You're that gunslinger.

[20:41] And Roland's like,

[20:42] there's no gunslingers anymore.

[20:43] And then I was like,

[20:44] oh, we're going to do this game.

[20:45] Okay.

[20:47] I put that life behind me.

[20:48] We're all gone.

[20:49] I'm a reluctant hero.

[20:50] And then I was just like,

Dan McCoy

[20:51] I'm going to be a dick to you

[20:52] for a little while.

Elliott Kalan

[20:54] This is the part where we don't,

[20:55] we haven't,

[20:55] I'm Shrek and you're the donkey

[20:58] and we're not friends yet.

[20:59] Then we're going to become friends

[21:01] and then later on

[21:01] we'll get into an argument

[21:02] and we split up

[21:03] for a short amount of time

[21:04] and then we come back again

[21:05] because we're true friends

[21:06] and we saved the day.

[21:07] Anyway,

[21:08] Jake,

[21:08] you want to do that with me?

[21:09] Just like a Shrek donkey thing?

[21:11] And Jake's like,

[21:12] gee,

[21:12] Mr. Shore,

[21:13] I remember you from The Office

[21:16] and it just,

[21:17] Elvis was like,

[21:17] you remember that story?

[21:18] That season of The Office?

[21:19] That's where you know me from?

[21:20] That's what you know me for best?

[21:22] Not even like Prometheus

[21:23] or like Pacific Rim?

[21:25] Gee,

[21:25] Willikers,

[21:26] I'm 15 years old.

[21:27] I never saw those movies.

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] I mean,

[21:30] Pacific Rim's right up

[21:31] a 15 year old's alley,

[21:32] right?

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] Well,

[21:33] but he wasn't 15

[21:34] when it came out.

Stuart Wellington

[21:35] And Prometheus would be great

[21:36] because he wouldn't have

[21:37] all that built in like background,

[21:39] having watched Alien growing up.

[21:41] Like this would be

[21:41] his first exposure

[21:42] and he'd really like it,

[21:43] I think.

[21:43] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[21:43] He'd be like one of those kids

[21:44] where they're like,

[21:44] well,

[21:45] I saw Spaceballs before Star Wars

[21:46] so that's the original to me.

Stuart Wellington

[21:47] And he might not realize,

[21:50] he's like,

[21:50] that old man was really

[21:52] Guy Pearce in old age makeup?

[21:55] That's crazy.

[21:56] It was so believable.

[21:57] I thought they got

Elliott Kalan

[21:57] Guy Pearce's dad

[21:59] and then just put glue

[22:00] all over his face.

[22:02] Okay,

[22:03] so.

Dan McCoy

[22:04] That's a lot about Prometheus.

[22:06] And we didn't even talk about

[22:08] how he played a concertina in that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:10] Yeah,

[22:10] and he played,

[22:11] yeah,

[22:11] he played a little,

[22:12] one of those little

[22:12] maritime accordions.

[22:13] A little scuse box,

[22:14] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:14] Are we talking about

[22:15] Idris Elba?

Elliott Kalan

[22:16] Yeah,

[22:16] that's right.

[22:17] Yeah.

[22:18] Which is where Napoleon,

[22:19] America's sweetheart.

[22:20] Where Napoleon was exiled to.

[22:23] Idris Elba.

[22:25] Anyway,

[22:26] thank you.

[22:28] Thanks guys.

[22:29] Wait,

Dan McCoy

[22:29] did you make a Napoleon joke?

[22:30] I didn't even hear.

[22:31] What's weird is,

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] what's weird is,

[22:31] I got booze from one half of the crowd

[22:33] and nothing from the other half of the crowd.

[22:36] And I'll tell you what,

[22:37] nothing was worse than the booze.

Stuart Wellington

[22:39] At least it was a reaction.

[22:41] Yeah,

[22:41] yeah,

[22:41] they're Wellington fans.

Elliott Kalan

[22:43] Yeah.

[22:43] Oh!

[22:45] History jokes.

[22:49] So,

[22:50] Roland is like,

[22:50] I'm not a hero anymore,

[22:52] but I guess let's go save the day.

[22:53] And they're on the hunt.

[22:54] The man in black,

[22:55] Matty McHoney,

[22:56] he goes to that old house,

[22:57] he finds some sort of clue or nonsense,

[22:58] and he takes it to the court of the Crimson King,

[23:01] which is the same kind of like,

[23:04] weird Euro chic bar that bad guys hang out in

[23:07] every vampire or magic movie.

[23:08] It's basically where like,

Stuart Wellington

[23:09] bad guys hang out and wait for Blade to show up

[23:12] and kill them.

[23:13] Yeah,

[23:13] basically.

[23:14] Like,

[23:14] you know,

[23:15] Udo peers in the back,

Elliott Kalan

[23:16] like doing coke off of a mutant or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[23:20] I didn't even know this was a movie.

Dan McCoy

[23:24] Hallie,

[23:24] you look baffled by something.

[23:26] Well,

Hallie Haglund

[23:26] this is a question I had while I was watching it,

[23:28] but I didn't look it up

[23:29] because I just wanted it to play out live on stage

[23:33] because it's exciting.

[23:35] Okay,

[23:35] so you know,

[23:35] like the bar,

[23:36] not bartender,

[23:38] but the guy who,

[23:39] when he goes into that place and...

[23:41] The bald guy.

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] Yes.

[23:43] Yeah,

[23:43] who's kind of like the host,

[23:44] Maid or D,

[23:45] also the biggest customer.

Hallie Haglund

[23:48] I don't,

[23:48] I wasn't sure he works there or not.

[23:49] I hope we're talking about the same person.

[23:51] Isn't that character,

[23:53] who's like the secondary character

[23:54] that Matthew McConaughey

[23:55] always goes and talks to,

[23:57] isn't that the guy who

[23:58] was in Little Children

[24:00] who like jerked off in the car?

[24:03] Oh yeah,

[24:03] yeah.

[24:04] Okay.

[24:04] Jackie Earl Haley.

[24:05] That was Jackie Earl Haley?

[24:06] Just wanted to make sure.

[24:07] Really?

Stuart Wellington

[24:08] Yeah.

[24:08] Are you sure?

[24:09] He's a chameleon.

Dan McCoy

[24:13] He could be everything.

[24:14] He was a kid in a movie once.

[24:14] I love the idea that like

[24:15] if Hallie ever saw Jackie Earl Haley

[24:17] on the street,

[24:18] she'd be like,

[24:18] check off guy.

[24:20] Probably on your way to a playground,

[24:22] huh?

Hallie Haglund

[24:22] I mean,

[24:23] it haunted me.

[24:24] I remember literally nothing

[24:25] about this movie

[24:26] that I watched yesterday

[24:27] and I was like,

[24:29] except,

[24:29] I watched Little Children

[24:31] like 20 years ago,

[24:33] probably.

[24:34] And I was like,

[24:35] this is the recommendations portion

Dan McCoy

[24:36] of the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[24:39] They're like,

[24:40] oh yeah,

[24:41] everyone there is trying

[24:42] on flesh masks.

[24:43] It's like a flesh mask warehouse.

[24:44] And they go,

[24:45] oh,

[24:46] this is from a kid

[24:46] with a shine so powerful

[24:48] he can kill a house demon.

[24:49] And I'm like,

[24:50] okay,

[24:50] I guess I was supposed

[24:51] to be impressed

[24:51] by what we saw earlier.

[24:53] And you know what a shine is?

[24:55] Come on,

[24:55] it's Stephen King stuff.

[24:56] It's like all mind telepiece stuff.

[24:59] Anyway,

[24:59] Roland and Jake,

[25:00] they're wandering

[25:01] through your classic fantasy swamp

[25:02] and there's an ancient

[25:03] rundown theme park.

[25:05] oh,

[25:05] there's a rundown theme park

[25:06] over there.

[25:07] And he's always like,

[25:07] we don't know what it is.

[25:08] It's ancient.

[25:11] I can't wait to see

Elliott Kalan

[25:11] how this like abandoned

[25:12] roller coaster plays

[25:13] into like a kick-ass action scene.

[25:14] No,

[25:15] doesn't.

Dan McCoy

[25:16] You're like,

[25:16] when do we get

[25:17] to the fireworks factory?

Elliott Kalan

[25:19] To be fair,

[25:21] to be fair,

[25:22] this is not a

[25:23] William Goldman

[25:24] watching the Big Lebowski

[25:25] and wondering when

[25:25] they're going to get

[25:26] to the bowling tournament thing.

[25:27] We are in a fantasy

[25:29] adventure movie.

[25:30] We see an abandoned

[25:31] roller coaster.

[25:33] I am well within my rights

[25:34] to be like,

[25:35] well,

[25:35] that's something

[25:36] they're going to do

[25:36] something with.

[25:38] It wasn't just

[25:38] that they happened

[25:39] to be filming

[25:40] in the forest

[25:40] next door

[25:41] to the closed-down

[25:42] action park.

Stuart Wellington

[25:42] Even the movie

[25:43] Clifford

[25:44] had a roller coaster scene.

Dan McCoy

[25:47] You say,

[25:49] even the movie Clifford.

[25:50] Even the movie Clifford.

[25:51] As if that was terrible

[25:52] in some way.

[25:54] We all know

[25:55] that Clifford,

[25:55] of course,

[25:56] was the pinnacle

[25:57] of filmmaker's prowess.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] Yep.

[26:00] Who was the filmmaker,

[26:01] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[26:05] I'd like to imagine

[26:06] that Charles Grodin

[26:07] directed himself

[26:07] under a pseudonym.

[26:10] Garls Troden.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] Okay,

[26:13] so,

[26:14] Roland's all,

[26:14] he's like a master forester.

[26:16] He's like,

[26:16] don't eat that.

[26:17] Don't make a sound.

[26:18] Eat this rabbit.

[26:19] Do that.

[26:19] And they become friends.

[26:21] Meanwhile,

[26:21] the man in black,

[26:22] he meets up

[26:22] with those two people

[26:23] from the psychiatric clinic

[26:24] at a burger stand.

[26:25] They give him the information

[26:26] about Jake.

[26:26] He says,

[26:27] kill each other.

[26:27] And then he leaves.

[26:29] he tells the people

[26:29] I was walking out.

[26:30] He goes,

[26:30] enjoy the show, folks.

[26:32] And it's like,

[26:33] how much,

[26:35] like,

[26:36] how many sedatives

[26:36] did he take

[26:37] right before the shot?

[26:39] He's like,

[26:40] man,

[26:41] I was up all night

[26:41] driving this long haul

[26:42] truck across the country.

[26:44] Now I'm wired,

[26:45] but I gotta get to sleep.

[26:46] Let me just pop

[26:47] a couple sleeping pills.

[26:48] Matt,

[26:48] you're needed on set.

[26:49] Oh boy.

[26:50] Uh oh.

Stuart Wellington

[26:51] Yeah,

[26:51] do you think

[26:52] after he said that,

[26:53] he's like,

[26:54] nailed it.

[26:54] That's gonna be

[26:54] in the trailer.

[26:55] Yeah,

[26:56] yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[26:57] Uh,

[26:57] meanwhile,

[26:58] they're,

[26:59] Roland and Jack,

[27:00] Jake are still,

[27:01] they're really best buds.

[27:02] Roland explains

[27:03] that there's a tower

[27:03] that keeps reality safe.

[27:05] Walter's trying to destroy it

[27:06] to make a lot of monsters

[27:07] come in the world

[27:07] and he'll be the king

[27:08] of the monsters.

[27:10] one,

[27:10] there's one king

[27:11] of the monsters.

[27:11] His name's Gojira.

[27:12] But anyway,

[27:13] they,

[27:13] heard of him?

[27:16] Heard of him,

[27:16] anybody?

[27:17] Anyway,

[27:18] so,

[27:18] uh,

[27:18] but it's also like,

[27:19] yeah,

[27:19] the text told me that.

[27:21] I don't know,

[27:21] come on,

[27:21] guys.

[27:22] But I guess that was for Hallie.

[27:23] That the director of the film

[27:24] was like,

[27:24] but what if Hallie doesn't know?

Hallie Haglund

[27:27] I miss that too.

[27:29] Oh.

[27:29] Uh,

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] that night,

[27:32] a monster tempts Jake

[27:33] into the forest

[27:34] in the form of his late dad.

[27:35] It turns out,

[27:36] this kind,

[27:37] to be this kind of goopy,

[27:38] you know,

[27:38] sharp monster

[27:39] that is the kind of thing

[27:40] that'll come through the walls

[27:42] when the tower goes down.

[27:43] And Roland's like,

[27:44] bam,

[27:44] shooting him with his gun.

[27:45] Bam,

[27:45] bam,

[27:45] bam.

[27:46] And then the monster

[27:46] comes back again

[27:47] and he goes,

[27:47] bam,

[27:48] bam,

[27:48] shoots him with his gun.

[27:49] Monster's dead.

[27:50] And it was,

[27:50] you know,

[27:50] it goes on a little bit longer

[27:51] than that,

[27:52] but I was like,

[27:52] oh,

[27:52] okay,

[27:52] so it's really,

[27:53] he really just shoots

[27:54] stuff with that gun,

[27:54] huh?

[27:55] Like,

Dan McCoy

[27:56] it's really just a gun.

[27:56] He's a gun slinger.

Elliott Kalan

[27:58] And we learn later,

[27:59] we learn later

[28:00] that that gun was forged

[28:01] from the metal of Excalibur.

[28:04] Yeah.

[28:04] Which seems crazy.

[28:08] That seems nuts.

[28:11] It is bullshit.

[28:13] That's bullshit.

[28:14] Yeah,

[28:14] it is,

[28:14] dude.

[28:16] Complete.

[28:16] Well,

[28:16] you don't have to say it again.

[28:17] We heard it,

[28:17] we amplified it.

[28:18] It's okay.

[28:19] Noted,

[28:20] addressed and answered.

[28:20] Okay,

[28:21] let's go.

[28:23] Matthew Mahoney

[28:23] goes to Jake's parents' apartment.

[28:25] He kills both of them.

[28:26] He sees all the drawings

[28:27] and he's like,

[28:27] eh,

[28:27] it's a pretty good likeness.

[28:29] And the thing,

[28:29] and it is this,

[28:30] in this scene

[28:31] that the movie had,

[28:32] what was for me,

[28:32] the scariest moment.

[28:34] They walk into the apartment,

[28:36] Jake's stepmom and his dad

[28:37] and they're like,

[28:37] oh,

[28:38] I hope Jake's loving his time

[28:39] at the psychiatric clinic.

[28:40] You know,

[28:40] they haven't called

[28:41] so I assume they just got there

[28:43] and everything turned out fine.

[28:44] And Matthew McConaughey

[28:47] is in the kitchen,

[28:48] apron on,

[28:49] cooking himself up some chicken.

[28:51] And that's not the scary part.

[28:52] He says,

[28:53] he says,

[28:54] hope you don't mind.

[28:55] We don't have chicken

[28:56] in the world I'm from.

[28:58] no,

[29:00] no,

[29:01] no.

[29:02] What kind of nightmare world?

[29:04] And from that moment on,

[29:05] Matthew McConaughey

[29:06] was the hero of the movie

[29:07] because it's like,

[29:07] if I'm in a world without chicken,

[29:09] knock that fucking tower down.

[29:10] Bring in the darkness.

[29:12] That world doesn't deserve to live.

[29:14] No chicken.

Stuart Wellington

[29:16] What I like is that

[29:17] he was cooking that chicken

[29:18] while wearing an apron.

Dan McCoy

[29:20] Yeah,

[29:21] I mean,

[29:21] well,

[29:21] he might be the walking man,

[29:23] the embodiment of all evil,

[29:24] but he doesn't want to get

[29:24] his clothes all screwed up.

[29:26] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] come on.

[29:26] No magic is going to get

[29:28] those stains on.

Hallie Haglund

[29:31] Allie?

[29:31] He's the man in black.

[29:32] He's known for his outfit.

[29:34] He can't be floppy.

[29:35] Yeah,

[29:35] that's true.

[29:36] It's literally his name.

Stuart Wellington

[29:37] Do you think he showed up

[29:38] and he's like,

[29:39] well,

[29:39] they do have a black apron.

[29:42] I mean,

[29:42] it would be dumb

[29:43] for me not to use it.

Hallie Haglund

[29:46] I actually remember

[29:47] this scene,

[29:48] though.

[29:49] Like,

[29:49] all of the plot points know,

[29:51] but I was like,

[29:51] chicken.

[29:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] Now,

[29:54] the implication here

[29:55] is that Matthew McConaughey

[29:56] got to the apartment,

[29:57] went,

[29:58] boo,

[29:58] oh,

[29:59] no one's here.

[30:01] I guess I'll just

[30:01] check the fridge,

[30:02] see what's in there.

[30:03] And he's just like,

[30:04] what can I do with this stuff?

[30:05] Real,

[30:05] real top chef challenge

[30:07] I got on my hands here.

[30:08] Okay.

[30:08] At this point,

Dan McCoy

[30:09] he's basically a bored babysitter

[30:10] who's like,

[30:11] well,

[30:11] they said I could have

[30:12] anything in the fridge,

[30:13] so.

Stuart Wellington

[30:14] He's like,

[30:14] it's Thursday

[30:15] and there's like

[30:16] four blue aprons here.

[30:17] I don't think they're

[30:18] going to have time

[30:18] to make them all.

S7

[30:20] Don't have time

[30:21] to make them all.

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] I mean,

[30:24] I'm probably going to

[30:24] kill them in a second,

[30:25] so.

[30:27] So,

[30:27] Jake's parents,

[30:28] they're dead now.

[30:29] Meanwhile,

[30:29] Jake and Roland are wandering.

[30:30] They wander into a shanty town

[30:32] that happens to have a portal.

[30:33] And just to describe

[30:35] the rich,

[30:36] epic fantasy world

[30:37] that we've been in,

[30:38] so far we've seen

[30:39] kind of a pebbly desert,

[30:41] a kind of dim swamp,

[30:44] and then this hobo jungle.

[30:46] And that's kind of

[30:47] the extent of mid-world,

[30:49] which I guess is what,

[30:49] like,

[30:50] the world of magic

[30:51] and wonderment

[30:52] and I don't know what.

[30:53] Now,

[30:53] Stuart and Dan,

[30:54] you've read some of these books.

[30:56] And Dan,

[30:56] you've read all of them.

[30:57] Is it supposed to be

[30:58] this is like

[30:58] the world has fallen

[30:59] under Walter's evil

[31:01] and that's why

[31:01] it's so crappy?

Dan McCoy

[31:03] I can't remember

[31:04] a lot of it

[31:05] because I read

[31:06] like half of them

[31:06] like a long time ago

[31:07] and then two of them

[31:08] this year.

[31:10] But there's like,

[31:11] yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] there's like weird radiation.

[31:13] That part is weirder.

[31:14] Yeah.

[31:16] Dan's life's weirder

[31:17] than a book,

[31:18] everybody.

[31:19] The,

[31:21] no,

[31:21] like,

[31:22] someone went aw.

Elliott Kalan

[31:24] I mean,

[31:24] it's weirder than some books.

[31:28] Sure.

[31:29] That's right.

[31:30] I would say,

[31:31] I would say,

[31:32] okay,

[31:32] the frog and toad stories,

[31:34] okay,

[31:34] it's weird.

[31:34] They're a frog and a toad

[31:35] that wear clothes

[31:36] and talk in

[31:36] at least one story

[31:38] baked cookies and cakes.

[31:39] Which means

[31:40] they have a tiny oven.

[31:42] How do they fuel it?

[31:43] Twigs?

[31:44] I would say

[31:45] Dan's life

[31:46] is a little weirder

[31:46] than those books.

Dan McCoy

[31:51] Yeah,

[31:52] Midworld is sort of

[31:54] this thing where

[31:55] like all these stories

[31:56] get,

[31:58] that exist in our world

[31:59] kind of have

[32:00] bled over from Midworld.

[32:03] Like,

[32:04] Wizard of Oz,

[32:05] Harry Potter,

[32:05] like,

[32:06] all kind of

Stuart Wellington

[32:07] It's like if you had to make

[32:09] a place out of

[32:10] the inside of

[32:11] Stephen King's brain.

[32:12] Yeah.

[32:13] Oh,

[32:13] okay.

[32:14] I got it.

[32:15] So everyone drives

[32:17] like hot rods

[32:17] and speaks in

[32:18] crazy gibberish.

Dan McCoy

[32:20] Yeah,

[32:20] yeah.

[32:20] Slang that never existed.

[32:22] Exactly.

[32:23] All the black characters

[32:24] are a little uncomfortable.

[32:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] And there's always

[32:31] one sex scene

[32:32] where you're like,

[32:32] this is not your forte.

[32:35] Have you done this

[32:36] before,

[32:36] Stephen?

[32:37] Yeah.

[32:39] So they go to this

[32:40] shanty town.

[32:40] It's got a portal.

[32:41] There's also a seer there.

[32:42] And the seer says,

[32:43] oh,

[32:43] Jake,

[32:44] you've got a super shine.

[32:45] You've got amazing

[32:46] psychic powers.

Stuart Wellington

[32:47] The seer named like

[32:48] Aura or something?

[32:49] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[32:49] I think so.

[32:49] Yeah,

[32:50] or Aura on the nose.

[32:51] Yeah.

[32:52] The seer,

[32:52] whose name is

[32:53] Psycho Mind.

[32:56] So the fastest way

[32:57] to get to

[32:58] Walter's headquarters,

[32:58] it's like all the way

[32:59] on the other side

[32:59] of Midworld.

[33:00] Just pop in a

[33:00] teleportal portal to Earth,

[33:02] then pop back into

[33:03] that one to Midworld.

[33:04] So that's what

[33:04] they're going to do.

[33:06] Meanwhile,

[33:06] we learn a little bit

[33:07] about Roland's backstory.

[33:08] He was a noble gunslinger,

[33:09] but he's been poisoned

[33:10] by his desire for revenge

[33:12] because he wants to kill

[33:13] the man in black.

[33:14] Now here's something

[33:14] that I never fully understood.

[33:17] The man in black

[33:17] is an evil wizard

[33:18] who wants to destroy

[33:19] the universe.

[33:20] And everyone acts like

[33:21] killing him for revenge

[33:22] would really fuck up

[33:23] saving the universe.

[33:25] But it seems like

[33:25] that is the one thing

[33:27] he has to do.

[33:28] And that his motive

[33:29] really shouldn't have

[33:31] that much to do.

[33:32] Is it like if he kills him,

[33:34] but he does it for revenge

[33:35] not to save people,

[33:36] God will be like,

Dan McCoy

[33:36] uh-uh, do over.

[33:38] Yeah, this makes

[33:39] a little more sense

[33:40] in the books

[33:40] where like Randall Flagg

[33:42] is kind of like

[33:42] this minor character almost.

[33:45] He's just like,

[33:45] oh, you know,

[33:46] he's like evil,

[33:47] but he's not the most evil.

[33:48] And the important thing

[33:49] is that he makes it

[33:50] to the Dark Tower

[33:51] and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[33:52] No one cares

[33:53] because it has nothing

[33:54] to do with anything.

[33:55] And I'm just boring

[33:56] every one of those boys.

[33:57] Dan's reading

Stuart Wellington

[33:57] the back of the book jacket.

[34:00] From the mind

[34:01] of horror master Stephen King,

[34:02] blah, blah, blah,

[34:03] no one cares.

Dan McCoy

[34:04] Like Stephen King

[34:05] got really depressed

[34:06] while writing

[34:06] The Dark Tower.

[34:07] Like blah, blah, blah,

[34:08] no one cares.

[34:10] If you look on the back

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] of a hardcover Stephen King book,

[34:12] it's just a big picture

[34:13] of his face.

[34:13] They don't even bother

[34:14] to tell you

[34:14] what the book's about.

Stuart Wellington

[34:16] And you're like,

[34:16] ha!

[34:17] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[34:19] And then you pick up

[34:21] a Dean Koontz book

[34:22] and you turn around

[34:23] to his picture

[34:23] and you're like,

[34:24] not as scary.

[34:25] I'm sorry.

[34:26] You're trying, Dean.

[34:27] I apologize.

[34:27] You know,

[34:27] it's just not like there.

Stuart Wellington

[34:28] Maybe killing

[34:29] the man in black

[34:30] is kind of like the way,

[34:32] it's kind of like Christianity,

[34:34] the way you can eat up.

[34:35] Keep talking.

[34:36] Whoa.

[34:37] The way that you can satisfy

[34:39] your natural urges

[34:41] by eating a pizza,

[34:43] but only for sustenance,

[34:45] not because it's delicious.

[34:47] Oh, I get you.

[34:48] Oh, okay.

[34:48] Wait, how is that

[34:49] like Christianity?

[34:58] I don't know now.

[34:59] I confused myself.

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] I think it's in,

[35:04] I think it's in Peter's

[35:05] letter to Papa John.

[35:17] Wait, what?

[35:19] Just keep moving.

[35:20] Okay, I don't know.

[35:20] Someone yelled something

[35:21] and I, for a second,

[35:22] I was like,

[35:23] did the movie just happen?

[35:25] Okay, so they're all like,

[35:26] he's not a gunslinger anymore.

[35:27] And Jake's like,

[35:28] no, he's still a gun.

[35:28] He's still a gunslinger.

[35:29] I don't care if he technically

[35:30] meets the requirements

[35:31] of a gunslinger anymore.

[35:33] Walter sends some trackers

[35:34] to attack the village

[35:35] and they're basically

[35:36] like what Nazgul dog men.

[35:37] They look like orcs.

[35:38] Yeah, they're like orcs

[35:39] or some nonsense.

[35:40] And Roland...

[35:41] Hallie just made

Dan McCoy

[35:42] the most dismissive gesture

[35:43] when orcs came up.

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] Yeah, Hallie,

[35:47] what is it about orcs

[35:47] that you think

[35:48] is not important?

Hallie Haglund

[35:49] None of it.

[35:50] The existence of Star Wars.

[35:53] And Lord of the Rings.

Stuart Wellington

[35:57] I guess Star Wars

[35:58] invalidates orcs.

Elliott Kalan

[36:04] I'm gonna leave that there.

[36:06] There is no way

[36:07] for me to respond to that

[36:08] that is not in some way

[36:09] mansplaining.

[36:09] So I'm just gonna...

[36:10] I'm just gonna say,

[36:12] yes, I agree.

[36:13] It's time.

[36:15] So anyway,

[36:16] Roland fights back

[36:17] but in kind of

[36:18] the laziest way possible.

[36:19] He just kind of stumbles

[36:20] around the shanty town

[36:21] and if he bumps into a dog man

[36:22] he shoots them.

[36:23] And meanwhile,

[36:23] they're like picking up kids

[36:25] to see if they're Jake

[36:25] and sniffing them

[36:26] and throwing them in the air.

[36:27] And he's just kind of like

[36:28] stumbling around

[36:29] and a tracker takes Jake

[36:30] and Roland,

[36:31] that's when he gets

[36:32] his act together

[36:33] and he uses his amazing

[36:34] daredevil senses

[36:35] to hear all the little things

[36:37] going on around him

[36:38] so he knows to shoot

[36:39] in that direction.

[36:40] And his bullet hits the tracker

[36:41] right in the back of the head.

[36:43] And it's kind of the one time

[36:44] we see him do like

[36:45] a fancy thing with a gun

[36:46] other than load it really fast.

Hallie Haglund

[36:48] Wait, did we talk about

[36:49] the scene that I remember?

[36:51] I don't know, Hallie,

[36:53] did we?

[36:53] Only you have the answer to that.

[36:56] Which was when

[36:57] he taught him to shoot.

Elliott Kalan

[36:58] No, we haven't gotten there yet.

[37:00] Oh, okay.

[37:00] That hasn't happened yet.

[37:01] We'll get there.

[37:01] Anyway, Jake and Roland

[37:02] are like,

[37:03] we gotta get this guy.

[37:04] So they go through

[37:04] the portal to Earth.

[37:05] They end up in a restaurant kitchen.

[37:06] This movie loves kitchens.

Stuart Wellington

[37:07] This is when the movie

[37:08] turns into last action here.

Elliott Kalan

[37:10] Yes, because it's like,

[37:12] Roland, you're hurt.

[37:13] We gotta get you to a hospital.

[37:14] Uh-oh.

[37:15] This man from Midworld

[37:16] is gonna...

[37:17] So you have medicines here

[37:19] of many interesting kinds.

[37:22] Here is a gold coin

[37:23] for your effort.

[37:24] And they go,

[37:24] you have all these diseases.

[37:26] They name three different types

[37:27] of hepatitis that he has.

Hallie Haglund

[37:28] Wait, I have a question.

[37:30] Were all of those real?

[37:31] No, it wasn't three.

[37:32] It was like,

[37:32] you have hepatitis

[37:33] A, B, C, E, D, G, Z, F.

[37:38] Guys, I'll just...

[37:39] Like, art.

Elliott Kalan

[37:41] Stuart just got up

[37:42] from the table

[37:43] to lay down some law.

Stuart Wellington

[37:44] Not to get on the high horse

[37:46] or anything,

[37:46] but you know

[37:48] this is a fantasy movie

[37:49] when a strange gunslinger

[37:50] from another world

[37:51] has five doctors

[37:53] show up and see him

[37:54] in the hospital.

[37:55] That's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[37:57] Maybe he has insurance, Stuart.

[37:59] We don't know.

[38:00] He just gave them

Dan McCoy

[38:02] his mid-world health card.

[38:04] Stuart,

[38:05] that was your searing indictment

[38:07] of the healthcare system.

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] Dan, when I see

[38:11] a problem happening,

[38:12] I just gotta say something.

Elliott Kalan

[38:14] I'm just glad Stuart

[38:15] didn't go off on a rant here.

[38:16] Call me like

[38:17] a modern-day gunslinger.

[38:19] This is this

[38:20] and the next scene

[38:21] where they're on a bus

[38:22] and Idris Elba

[38:23] drinks soda

[38:23] for this first time

[38:24] and yells at some

[38:25] kind of like

[38:26] some, you know,

[38:27] girls who are dressed

[38:28] a little, you know,

[38:29] showily.

[38:30] Oh, that was...

[38:30] No, he goes,

Hallie Haglund

[38:32] you have forgotten

[38:33] the faces of your fathers.

[38:35] hey, can we join the party?

Elliott Kalan

[38:37] can we join the party?

[38:38] He goes,

[38:38] you've forgotten

[38:39] the faces of your fathers.

[38:40] He goes,

[38:41] what is this I'm drinking?

[38:42] Sugar?

[38:43] Hmm.

[38:43] And like,

[38:44] these are the two

[38:44] best scenes in the movie.

[38:47] It's like,

[38:47] I could have watched

[38:48] a whole,

[38:48] and it's the oldest

[38:49] story in the book.

[38:50] He's like,

[38:50] like Last Action Hero

[38:51] or like Beastmaster 2

[38:53] or any of that stuff.

[38:54] Encino Man.

[38:54] He's like,

[38:56] or other,

[38:56] Blast from the Past.

[38:57] Blast from the Past, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] Or George of the Jungle.

[38:59] Any number of

Elliott Kalan

[39:01] Brendan Fraser movies.

[39:02] Versus Thor.

[39:04] Like With Honors.

[39:06] Gods and Monsters.

[39:08] School Ties.

[39:09] School Ties, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:11] The new show Trust.

Elliott Kalan

[39:13] Yep.

[39:14] Yep, exactly.

[39:15] The Affair.

[39:16] Wait.

[39:16] Oh, yeah, he's in that scene.

[39:17] Right, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] Later seasons of The Affair.

Elliott Kalan

[39:19] Yeah.

[39:20] It's just like,

[39:21] I'm this kind of fantasy character

[39:23] and now I'm in real life

[39:23] and I don't get it.

[39:25] Which is,

[39:25] usually I'm not a huge fan of those.

[39:27] I'm not a huge fan

[39:27] of the fish out of water comedy

[39:28] unless this guy is named Dundee

[39:30] and maybe he's half crocodile.

[39:32] I think you may have

[39:34] misunderstood those movies, Elliot.

[39:35] I'm just like,

[39:36] the thing about it is like,

[39:37] it's hard to pay attention

[39:38] to those movies

[39:38] because you're like,

[39:38] how did his dad do it

[39:39] with a crocodile?

[39:40] Or was his dad

[39:41] the crocodile?

[39:43] It's hard.

[39:44] And so,

[39:45] but those are the best scenes

[39:46] in the movie.

[39:46] So it's like,

[39:47] oh, I'm ready for them

[39:48] to spend some time on Earth.

[39:49] Well, don't get too ready

[39:50] because they don't spend

[39:50] that much time on Earth.

[39:51] They go to,

[39:52] they go to his,

[39:53] they see the homeless guy

[39:54] who gave him a prophecy earlier

[39:55] and they learn

[39:56] where the bad guy's hideout is.

[39:57] Instead of going there,

[39:58] they go to Jake's apartment

[39:59] and they find what's left

[40:00] of his mom and dad.

[40:01] Oh no, stormtroopers killed him.

[40:02] Ah.

[40:03] The thing that's kind of nice

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] about it is you see

[40:07] has burned his mom

[40:08] up to a little crisp

[40:08] and he freaks out.

[40:10] But you also see on the wall

[40:12] has left a message

[40:12] that even though

[40:13] he's a powerful wizard,

[40:15] he is not skilled

[40:15] in artwork.

[40:18] Because the smiley face

[40:20] he draws is shitty.

Elliott Kalan

[40:23] Uh oh.

[40:24] He is,

[40:25] he is,

[40:25] he is a master wizard.

[40:27] He is the black sorcerer

[40:28] of evil

[40:28] at the center of the universe.

[40:30] As a tagger,

[40:31] not great.

Dan McCoy

[40:32] Like,

[40:33] I mean,

[40:33] maybe his medium

[40:34] isn't burned up mom.

Elliott Kalan

[40:37] Fair point.

[40:38] Fair point.

[40:38] It's very hard to work with.

[40:39] It's very unforgiving.

[40:40] Yeah.

[40:42] So,

[40:43] where else are they getting,

[40:44] so this is when

[40:45] Jake,

[40:47] Roland teaches Jake

[40:49] how to shoot

[40:50] and teaches him

[40:50] the gunslinger's credo.

[40:53] And Hallie,

[40:53] you want to say something

[40:54] about this scene

[40:54] that you remembered?

Stuart Wellington

[40:58] Hallie squints her eyes.

[40:59] It was weird

[41:00] that they said it

[41:00] to the song

[41:01] Walk Like a Man.

[41:02] And then they started

Elliott Kalan

[41:05] singing along to it

[41:06] and making a pizza

[41:07] at the same time.

Hallie Haglund

[41:10] It was actually

[41:11] the scene of Stand By Me

[41:14] where they're like

[41:14] lollipop,

[41:15] lollipop.

[41:18] Another Stephen King story.

[41:19] It's Stephen King themes.

[41:21] Yeah.

[41:21] No,

[41:22] he was like

[41:23] I shoot with the heart

[41:24] of my father.

[41:25] I don't shoot

[41:25] with my eyes

[41:26] or something.

Elliott Kalan

[41:27] If I've done,

[41:28] if I do such and such,

[41:29] I've forgotten

[41:30] the face of my father.

[41:31] I don't aim

[41:31] with my hand.

[41:33] I aim with my eyes.

[41:34] I don't shoot

[41:34] with my gun.

[41:35] I shoot with my heart.

[41:36] I shoot with the heart

[41:37] of my father,

[41:38] I thought they said.

[41:38] I don't think,

[41:39] maybe,

[41:40] I don't remember.

Dan McCoy

[41:40] I think all of it

[41:42] is like if you don't

[41:43] do this,

[41:43] you've forgotten

[41:44] the face of your father.

Elliott Kalan

[41:45] Hallie,

[41:45] we've established

[41:46] time and time again

[41:46] that you remember

[41:47] the movie better than me.

[41:48] So I'm just gonna

[41:48] sit back and say yes.

[41:50] Okay,

[41:51] so I think he does,

[41:51] maybe.

Hallie Haglund

[41:52] I have times

[41:53] of serious lucidity

[41:54] when all of you guys

[41:56] have forgotten.

[41:58] So,

[41:59] but yeah.

[42:00] Honestly,

[42:00] I don't think

[42:02] was wearing an apron

[42:03] in that scene

[42:04] when they were riffing.

[42:05] I'm serious.

[42:08] We're gonna have

Dan McCoy

[42:09] to check the tape.

[42:09] This is like,

[42:10] this is like

[42:11] Berenstain,

[42:11] Berenstain.

[42:12] I mean,

[42:12] right now,

[42:13] this is...

[42:14] I mean,

[42:14] it's Berenstain,

[42:15] Berenstain.

[42:15] There never was

[42:15] a Berenstain.

[42:17] Why wasn't there,

[42:18] Elliot?

[42:19] Maybe there should have been.

Elliott Kalan

[42:21] The name was

[42:22] the people who made it

[42:23] and they're not Jewish,

[42:25] which is why

[42:25] it's not Berenstain or Berenstain.

Dan McCoy

[42:26] That's what I'm saying.

[42:27] Why couldn't

[42:28] a Jewish family

[42:29] make a bear family books?

[42:32] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[42:33] now you're being naive

[42:34] about the society

[42:38] we live in today.

[42:39] So, Hallie,

[42:39] I want you to

[42:40] imagine you're

[42:41] in this situation.

[42:43] Idris Elba

[42:43] is teaching you

[42:44] how to shoot

[42:45] with a magic gun.

[42:46] He's teaching you

[42:47] the gunslinger's credo.

[42:48] How would you handle that?

[42:49] Are you ready

[42:50] for a situation like that?

[42:51] Fuck yeah.

[42:54] That's what I thought

[42:54] you were gonna say.

[42:55] Okay,

[42:56] they go,

[42:56] where else are you gonna go?

[42:57] Go.

[42:58] To a Chinatown

[42:59] hunting store.

[43:01] Wait a minute.

Hallie Haglund

[43:02] This was a

[43:03] controversial scene,

[43:04] I thought.

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] I mean,

[43:06] I was like,

[43:07] I had no idea

[43:07] there were this many

[43:08] sportsmen

[43:09] shooting stores

[43:10] just in the middle

[43:11] of New York

[43:11] in Chinatown.

Hallie Haglund

[43:12] It was very weird.

[43:14] They walked into

[43:15] a gun store

[43:17] and pulled out a gun

[43:18] and were like,

[43:19] give me all your guns.

[43:22] not,

[43:23] I mean,

[43:24] I know this is a,

[43:26] you know,

[43:27] placing this

[43:27] in a historical context

[43:29] again,

[43:30] I'm not sure

[43:31] that I'm comfortable

[43:32] with this armed robbery

[43:33] of a gun store.

[43:35] You would think

Stuart Wellington

[43:35] that if this gunslinger

[43:38] travels from

[43:39] another dimension,

[43:40] New Jersey

[43:40] as we've established,

[43:42] to come to

[43:44] Keystone World Earth,

[43:46] you would think

[43:47] that he would go

[43:48] to any other city

[43:49] in America

[43:50] than New York

[43:51] to get guns.

Dan McCoy

[43:53] Right?

[43:54] I do like

[43:55] that this is one

[43:56] gun-based movie

[43:56] that seems

[43:57] obsessed with

[43:58] the idea of reloading.

[44:01] Like...

Elliott Kalan

[44:01] It's the one thing

[44:02] he does that's really cool

[44:03] is he reloads

[44:03] super fast.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:05] And that's the one thing

[44:06] he does as a gunslinger

[44:06] where I was like,

[44:07] that's pretty neat.

[44:07] He just flips it open,

[44:08] bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop,

[44:09] bop, flips it closed

[44:10] because it's a six-shooter

[44:11] because...

[44:12] Yeah, of course it is.

[44:13] Like, he's a gunslinger.

[44:14] What kind of gun

[44:14] are you going to sling?

[44:15] It's got to be a six-shooter.

[44:16] But it's...

[44:17] Yeah, the movie is very...

[44:19] They want to make sure

[44:20] at all times

[44:20] that he is fully stocked

[44:21] with ammo

[44:22] because, Dan,

[44:24] there's a certain thing

[44:24] called suspension of disbelief.

[44:26] You'll believe the big lies

[44:27] if all the small truths

[44:28] are there.

[44:29] Like, you can't just walk

[44:30] into a 28th Street subway station

[44:32] and then just walk out

S7

[44:34] the other track

[44:35] on the other platform.

Elliott Kalan

[44:37] You can't do that.

[44:37] And it makes you believe

[44:38] the part where there's

[44:39] like a goop monster

[44:40] that can change shape

[44:41] that if you shoot it

[44:42] a certain amount of times

[44:43] it's not dead,

[44:44] but if you shoot it

[44:45] a few more times

[44:45] it is dead.

Dan McCoy

[44:47] Yeah.

[44:48] It's like how Steve Martin

[44:49] said that he included

[44:50] the weird, like,

[44:52] tennis racket fight

[44:53] at the beginning of Roxanne

[44:54] because he was like,

[44:55] if you put the craziest thing

[44:56] at the beginning of the movie

[44:57] then everything else

[44:58] seems sensible.

[45:00] That's just a fact

[45:00] about Roxanne.

Hallie Haglund

[45:04] I think that's true.

[45:06] I was like, yeah,

[45:07] someone could totally

[45:08] have a nose that big.

[45:10] Yeah.

[45:11] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[45:14] I mean, I didn't think

[45:15] it was that big.

[45:16] I mean, it's above average size.

Hallie Haglund

[45:19] He drank glasses of water

[45:24] out of his nose.

Stuart Wellington

[45:25] Wait, out of it?

Hallie Haglund

[45:26] Don't you remember the movie?

[45:28] He like,

[45:28] Yeah.

[45:29] He like,

[45:29] he had his nose in a glass.

Stuart Wellington

[45:30] Oh, right.

[45:32] Okay, so.

[45:32] Now that's a movie

[45:33] I remember.

Elliott Kalan

[45:39] Roxanne is one of those movies

[45:40] that I saw many times

[45:41] as a kid and I was like,

[45:42] when I'm a grown up,

[45:42] I'll get this.

[45:43] And I have yet,

[45:45] I just haven't gotten around

[45:46] to seeing it as a grown up.

[45:47] Neither have I.

[45:48] Yeah.

[45:50] The Kids Only Roxanne Club.

[45:52] Hallie and Elliot,

[45:53] no adults allowed.

[45:54] We're going to watch Roxanne.

[45:55] We don't really get it,

[45:56] but okay.

[45:58] Anyway,

[45:59] in the gun store,

[46:00] Walter shows up

[46:01] as an astral projection.

[46:02] He just taunts Roland

[46:03] and traps him

[46:04] so that Jake can get

[46:04] captured by his trackers

[46:06] while Roland is shooting people

[46:08] and trying to track down Jake.

[46:09] Jake gets strapped

[46:10] into that psychic beam chair.

[46:12] Roland makes it to

[46:13] Matthew McConaughey's

[46:14] New York base,

[46:14] which seems to be

[46:15] some sort of

[46:15] ancient shopping mall.

[46:17] Yeah.

[46:17] I couldn't quite figure it out.

[46:18] It was like

Stuart Wellington

[46:18] this little part of New York

[46:20] that was also Blade Runner

[46:21] that was also

[46:21] a million years old.

[46:23] Yeah.

[46:23] And it's isolated enough

[46:25] that nobody will hear

[46:26] a million gunshots go on.

Elliott Kalan

[46:27] So many ricochets,

[46:29] the sound bouncing off

[46:30] of every pavement

[46:31] and glass surface in there.

[46:33] And so anyway,

[46:34] Roland shoots and kills

[46:34] pretty much everyone

[46:35] in New York

[46:36] while Jake

[46:37] is fighting back

[46:39] in that psychic chair.

[46:40] He's too strong.

[46:41] He's holding the portal

[46:42] to New York open himself

[46:43] with his mind.

[46:44] Oh no.

[46:46] Roland comes through

[46:47] and wouldn't you know it,

[46:48] it's time for that

[46:48] big duel we've been waiting for.

[46:51] Roland, the man with the gun,

[46:52] who's immune to magic.

[46:54] Walter, the man with magic,

[46:56] who's immune to guns.

[46:59] Who's gonna win?

[47:01] And so Walter pulls out

[47:02] that same telekinetic,

[47:04] I'm gonna wave my hands

[47:05] and a big thing of glass

[47:06] flies through the air

[47:07] stuff we've seen

[47:08] 20 million times

[47:09] over the past two decades.

[47:10] Do you think there's a moment

Stuart Wellington

[47:11] in the ad campaign

[47:11] for like the DVD release

[47:13] where they're like,

[47:14] you think Thanos

[47:15] is a bad guy?

[47:16] He wants to kill

[47:17] half the universe.

[47:18] Walter wants to kill

[47:19] everyone.

[47:21] Go see this movie,

[47:23] Dark Tower on DVD.

Elliott Kalan

[47:24] That reminds me of,

[47:25] there was an ad

[47:26] that was in the newspaper

[47:27] once when

[47:28] Incredible Hulk

[47:29] came out on DVD

[47:29] and it said,

[47:30] just as good as Iron Man.

Dan McCoy

[47:35] Said Greg.

Elliott Kalan

[47:37] In the Marvel

[47:38] marketing department.

[47:40] I was like,

[47:41] oh, come on.

[47:42] That's not a winning

[47:44] sales slogan.

[47:47] Anyway,

[47:47] there's a lot of,

[47:48] there's some fancy fighting

[47:49] and Roland gets a girder

[47:50] dropped on him.

[47:51] There's the part,

[47:52] as we mentioned,

[47:53] Matthew Garner

[47:53] catches a bullet

[47:54] and then tosses it back

[47:55] real fast like he's

[47:56] skipping a stone

[47:56] across a lake

[47:57] and it looks hilarious.

[48:00] Roland gets a girder.

Hallie Haglund

[48:01] And then he teaches

[48:02] his son to do it.

[48:05] That would be great

Elliott Kalan

[48:06] if there were

[48:06] a young kid too.

[48:09] Someday,

[48:09] all this will be yours

[48:11] but then I'm going

[48:11] to destroy it together.

[48:12] Oh, gee, dad,

[48:13] like, to be honest,

[48:14] that would have made

[48:15] the movie instantly

[48:16] more interesting to me

[48:17] if he was like

[48:17] a loving dad.

[48:18] He's like,

Hallie Haglund

[48:19] look how many skips

[48:20] I can get

[48:21] with this bullet.

[48:24] I can't get that many, dad.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] No, you just got to practice.

[48:27] I've been doing this

[48:27] a lot longer than you have.

[48:28] One day,

Hallie Haglund

[48:29] you'll learn it soon.

Elliott Kalan

[48:32] Now let's go kill

[48:32] Idris Elba.

[48:34] Yeah, I remember him

[48:35] from The Office

[48:36] that one season

[48:37] and Idris Elba's like,

[48:38] how is that what

[48:39] everyone remembers me from?

[48:41] I was in The Wire.

[48:43] I was almost James Bond

[48:45] but racism.

Dan McCoy

[48:47] I'm enjoying this movie

[48:48] that Elliot and Hallie

[48:50] are starring in.

Elliott Kalan

[48:52] I like the idea

[48:52] that there's like

[48:53] a supervillain

[48:54] who really needs

[48:54] to bond with his son

[48:55] so he's like,

[48:56] I guess let's destroy

[48:56] the universe together.

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] Yeah, Elliot loves

[48:59] the Austin Powers movies.

Elliott Kalan

[49:02] Oh, you're right.

[49:03] They did that.

[49:05] Never mind.

[49:06] Forget it.

Stuart Wellington

[49:07] Speaking of Scott Evil,

[49:09] this movie does also

[49:10] have the crime

[49:12] of having

[49:14] crayons in it

[49:16] from Dollhouse

[49:16] and Cabin in the Woods

[49:17] and totally not use him.

[49:18] And I went to college

Hallie Haglund

[49:19] with him.

[49:20] I don't remember him

[49:21] from the movie at all.

[49:23] What?

[49:23] Yes, I went.

Dan McCoy

[49:25] Hallie, you waited

[49:25] this long.

[49:27] Hallie.

Stuart Wellington

[49:28] Hallie.

[49:28] Wait, you went to college

[49:29] with somebody who was

[49:30] in the movie

[49:31] and you didn't know

[49:32] he was in the movie?

[49:33] Absolutely not.

[49:35] When was he in it?

[49:36] I went to college

[49:37] with the sister

[49:38] of Dean Cameron

[49:40] from ski school

[49:41] and summer school

[49:42] and I tell everybody this.

Hallie Haglund

[49:47] Who was he?

[49:48] Who was he in the movie?

Stuart Wellington

[49:49] He's kind of

[49:50] He's one of the technicians.

[49:51] He's kind of like

[49:53] his major domo

[49:54] in his weird

[49:55] Westworld house.

[49:55] He's the guy

[49:55] with the floppy hair

Elliott Kalan

[49:56] who's always like

[49:57] it's not working.

[49:59] There was an unauthorized

[50:00] portal entry.

[50:02] who gives bad news.

[50:03] He was the one

Stuart Wellington

[50:03] who fucks up

[50:04] and then Matthew McConaughey's

[50:05] way of punishing him

[50:06] is burning

[50:06] some other lady's face.

Elliott Kalan

[50:10] there's the guy

[50:10] in every one

[50:11] of these movies

[50:12] who's the main

[50:13] sidekick to the bad guy

[50:14] and he's the one character

[50:15] who can give the bad guy

[50:16] bad news

[50:17] and not get killed.

[50:18] Like in

[50:19] who's the guy

[50:20] in Star Wars

[50:20] there's this one admiral

[50:21] that Darth Vader loves

[50:23] and he doesn't kill him.

Hallie Haglund

[50:24] Oh I've got it.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] Okay.

[50:27] Alright good.

Stuart Wellington

[50:28] Okay wait

[50:29] let me buckle my seatbelt.

Hallie Haglund

[50:32] No honestly

[50:33] I sort of tuned out

[50:35] whenever

[50:36] whenever it wasn't happening

[50:37] on Keystone Earth.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] So they're fighting.

[50:43] Anyway

[50:43] Jake uses telepathy

[50:45] to help Roland

[50:46] at his lowest moment

[50:47] by reciting mentally

[50:49] the Gunslinger's Creed

[50:50] with him.

[50:51] Roland's like

[50:52] fancy shooting

[50:53] isn't going to be enough

[50:53] to take this guy down.

[50:54] I better do

[50:55] super fancy shooting.

[50:57] And he shoots

[50:59] one bullet

[50:59] and Matthew McConaughey

[51:00] goes to catch that

[51:01] and then he shoots

[51:02] that bullet

[51:02] with another bullet

[51:03] to ricochet off of it

[51:05] and go past his hand

[51:06] into his heart.

[51:07] Because he shot so fast

[51:13] he shot so

[51:14] he can shoot

[51:14] faster than bullets fly.

Dan McCoy

[51:16] Yeah.

[51:17] This was some

[51:18] wanted bending

[51:19] bullet shit.

Stuart Wellington

[51:20] And when Matthew McConaughey

[51:21] dies

[51:22] he emotes

[51:24] exactly as much

[51:25] as he has

[51:25] the rest of the movie.

[51:27] For a while

[51:28] I'm like

[51:28] I don't think he's dead

[51:29] because he's acting

[51:30] the exact same.

[51:32] Watch out guys.

Elliott Kalan

[51:33] Now wait

[51:33] now did

[51:34] did Walter

[51:35] slow down the bullet

[51:36] or it's just

[51:36] he just shoots it

[51:37] real fast?

[51:37] I can't remember now.

Stuart Wellington

[51:39] I don't know dude.

[51:40] I didn't read

[51:40] the fucking novelization.

Elliott Kalan

[51:43] Okay well

[51:44] anyway

[51:44] and then Roland's like

[51:46] yeah I'm a gunslinger

[51:47] and he's just

[51:47] shooting everything.

[51:48] He shoots the restraints

[51:49] off of Jake's chair

[51:50] so he can get out.

[51:51] He shoots the psychic

[51:52] laser machine

[51:53] and the whole

[51:53] headquarters blows up

[51:54] and it's like

[51:55] he's like

[51:56] I'm a shooting fool.

[51:57] Bang bang

[51:57] bang bang bang bang

[51:58] save the day.

[52:00] Jake and Roland

[52:01] they save the universe.

[52:02] They're going to celebrate

[52:03] the same way

[52:03] everyone does

[52:04] after Avengers

[52:05] with a street cart hot dog

[52:07] because it's like

[52:08] we better throw this

[52:09] into stark relief.

[52:10] We'll have the characters

[52:11] do like kind of

[52:11] an everyday

[52:12] street food thing.

[52:13] Nobody's done that

[52:14] in a movie right?

[52:16] Roland is with them

[52:17] and on Midworld

[52:18] on Keystone Earth

[52:20] Roland's like

[52:20] so you want to come

[52:22] with me back there?

[52:23] Gunslinger

[52:24] and Jake is like

[52:25] well my parents are dead

[52:27] and everyone here

[52:27] thinks I'm crazy.

[52:30] So like yeah dude

[52:31] I'll go back

[52:31] and be a gun slinger

[52:32] with you.

[52:33] But we have chicken here

[52:34] so I'll stay.

[52:35] Like my mind

[52:37] melted with a seer

[52:38] and it was the closest

[52:38] I'm ever going to come

[52:39] to kissing a girl

[52:40] so like yeah

[52:41] I want to go back

[52:41] to that world.

[52:44] And that's the end

[52:45] of the movie

[52:45] and I kept skipping ahead

[52:46] through the credits

[52:47] to find the post credit

[52:48] sequence about a sequel

[52:50] but there was none.

[52:51] The story has been told

[52:52] capstone to capstone.

Stuart Wellington

[52:54] Let's go on to IMDb

[52:55] and add to crazy credits

[52:57] that there's a director

[52:58] in this movie.

[53:06] That's me Duncan.

Dan McCoy

[53:09] So let's do our final

[53:11] judgments on this movie

[53:11] whether it was a good

[53:12] bad movie

[53:13] a bad bad movie

[53:14] or a movie we kind of liked.

[53:15] Elliot what do you have to say?

[53:17] This was a very boring movie.

Elliott Kalan

[53:18] I will say this

[53:20] for the movie.

[53:20] Well in our

[53:21] classification system

[53:22] bad bad.

[53:23] it was very

[53:23] boilerplate by the numbers.

[53:25] It did not

[53:26] transport me

[53:27] to a magical world

[53:28] of craziness

[53:29] and whimsy

[53:29] and wackiness

[53:30] and super guns

[53:31] but I was like

[53:32] I've always been

[53:34] trepidatious

[53:35] about starting

[53:36] the Dark Tower books

[53:36] because they are

[53:37] very long

[53:38] and there's a lot of them

[53:39] and I like Stephen King

[53:41] a lot

[53:41] but every time

[53:42] I'm about to start

[53:43] a Stephen King book

[53:43] I'm like

[53:44] how is this one

[53:45] going to turn out?

[53:47] is this going to be

[53:48] really good

[53:49] or is it going to be

[53:50] awful

[53:50] because he only has

[53:51] two settings

[53:52] but you know what?

[53:54] I

[53:55] and I love a lot

[53:56] of his books

[53:57] I love Misery

[53:57] I love The Long Walk

[53:58] even though I know

[53:59] that's technically

[53:59] a Bachman book

[54:00] you know

[54:01] he has a lot of good stuff

[54:02] but

[54:02] Cell is really good

[54:04] until the last chapter

[54:05] or so

[54:05] this movie

[54:07] made me more curious

[54:09] than anything else

[54:10] ever

[54:10] to read these books

[54:11] because I'm like

[54:12] what is it in these books

[54:13] that they felt

[54:14] was so interesting

[54:15] that they needed

[54:16] to like ruin it

[54:18] by doing it this way

[54:19] so I really want

[54:21] to read those books now

[54:22] but Bad Bad Movie

[54:23] what do you guys think?

[54:24] Allie

Hallie Haglund

[54:25] I would say

[54:27] a Bad Bad

[54:27] and what

[54:28] I kept thinking about

[54:30] was

[54:30] I mean you guys

[54:31] watch a lot

[54:32] more of these

[54:33] like super shitty movies

[54:34] than I do

[54:35] but I'm constantly

[54:37] surprised

[54:38] of like

[54:38] right

[54:39] but I was like

[54:40] wow

[54:41] Idris Elba

[54:42] not the other person

[54:45] who I thought

[54:46] you guys clarified

[54:47] was not the person

[54:48] who I thought it was

Stuart Wellington

[54:49] Dennis Haysburg's in this

[54:50] yes

[54:51] and I believe

[54:56] I believe Jack's mom

[54:57] is played by a woman

[54:58] who was also in

[54:59] Geostorm

[55:00] a movie we recently watched

[55:02] woo Geostorm

[55:04] why couldn't we watch

[55:05] that again

[55:05] when you finish a movie

Elliott Kalan

[55:08] and you're like

[55:09] I wish I was watching

[55:10] Geostorm again

[55:11] not a good sign

[55:12] for the movie

Hallie Haglund

[55:13] but it made me

[55:14] well at first I was like

[55:15] how much do they get

[55:16] paid for this

S6

[55:17] because this is

Hallie Haglund

[55:18] such a bad movie

[55:19] like why would you

[55:21] wouldn't you

[55:22] isn't there some universe

[55:23] in which even if you

[55:24] got paid a lot for it

[55:25] you would just feel

[55:26] so humiliated

[55:27] to like have your name

[55:29] on it

[55:29] wow

[55:29] and then I was like

Elliott Kalan

[55:30] it's boring

[55:32] I wouldn't go as far

[55:33] as to say it is

[55:34] like

[55:34] are you kidding me

Dan McCoy

[55:35] it's not like

[55:35] Stallone with the

[55:36] Italian Stallion

[55:37] or something like that

Hallie Haglund

[55:37] no it definitely is

[55:39] like fucking

[55:39] Idris Elba

[55:40] was in The Wire

[55:41] like he's in all

[55:43] this good stuff

[55:44] like they've been

[55:45] in legit stuff

[55:46] he's played

[55:46] Nelson Mandela

[55:47] but that's what

Elliott Kalan

[55:50] wait I thought

[55:52] we were talking

[55:52] about Idris Elba

[55:53] oh that makes

[55:54] more sense

Hallie Haglund

[55:54] but I was

[55:56] it was just like

[55:57] oh yeah

[55:57] these people are

[55:59] actors

[56:00] they just like

[56:03] play

[56:04] they're just like

[56:05] in really good movies

[56:06] they're not

[56:07] they're just playing

[56:08] roles

[56:09] yeah

[56:13] and it was

[56:14] it challenged

[56:16] my perception

[56:18] of the universe

[56:18] but

[56:19] it was a learning

[56:20] experience

[56:21] so bad bad

[56:23] yeah

Dan McCoy

[56:23] yeah

[56:24] you guys

[56:25] already pulled

[56:26] back the curtain

[56:26] on what I was

[56:27] going to say

[56:27] which was that

[56:28] like I don't

[56:28] want to make

[56:29] you guys feel

[56:29] jealous

[56:30] I don't want

[56:30] to make the

[56:31] audience here

[56:32] feel bad

[56:32] but the last

[56:33] live show we

[56:34] did was

[56:34] Geostorm

[56:35] which was

[56:36] an amazing

[56:38] bad movie

[56:39] and this one

[56:41] was just

[56:42] 90 minutes

[56:43] of a thing

[56:44] that happened

[56:44] and so

[56:46] I say

[56:47] bad bad

Stuart Wellington

[56:48] yeah

[56:50] it feels

[56:51] it feels

[56:51] very much

[56:52] like

[56:52] I guess

[56:53] it's the

[56:54] first season

[56:54] of a TV

[56:55] show

[56:55] that has

[56:56] been edited

[56:56] down for

[56:57] content

[56:58] into just

[56:58] into like

[56:59] 85 minutes

[57:01] of movie

[57:01] so yeah

[57:03] it's bad

[57:03] bad

[57:03] don't watch

[57:04] it

[57:04] avoid

[57:05] hey guys

Dan McCoy

[57:11] hope you're

[57:12] enjoying this

[57:12] live show

[57:13] you know

[57:14] what that

[57:15] means

[57:15] it's Dan

[57:16] McCoy

[57:17] that's me

[57:18] doing a

[57:18] solo ad

[57:19] read

[57:20] woo woo

[57:21] woo woo

[57:21] look I'm not

[57:22] going to pretend

[57:23] that I'm

[57:23] not very

[57:25] tired

[57:25] it's

[57:26] I'm doing

[57:27] this on the

[57:27] week of

[57:28] on the week

[57:30] of

[57:30] daylight

[57:31] savings

[57:32] I've

[57:33] had a lot

[57:34] of late

[57:34] nights

[57:35] I just

[57:36] had a very

[57:36] heavy

[57:36] soup

[57:37] with a lot

[57:38] of rice

[57:39] a lot

[57:39] of taro

[57:40] in it

[57:40] just a

[57:42] just a lot

[57:42] of starch

[57:43] and I'm

[57:44] struggling

[57:45] but

[57:47] for you

[57:48] I will bring

[57:49] the energy

Elliott Kalan

[57:50] bow bow bow

[57:51] bow bow bow

[57:53] that was the

[57:55] energy

Dan McCoy

[57:55] it's gone

[57:56] now

[57:57] hey

[57:57] guys

[57:58] the flop

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[57:59] supported in

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[58:07] this is

[58:08] the 90s

[58:10] now

[58:10] if Captain

[58:12] Marvel taught

[58:12] me anything

[58:13] and

[58:14] the internet

[58:15] is going to

[58:16] be big

[58:17] so maybe

[58:18] you need a

[58:19] website

[58:19] and if you

[58:20] want a

[58:20] website

[58:20] you can

[58:21] go to

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[59:26] deal

[59:27] right

[59:27] what a

[59:29] segue

[59:29] next thing

[59:30] hey

[59:31] jumbotrons

[59:33] we all love

[59:33] them

[59:33] here's one

[59:34] please

[59:36] listen to

[59:37] this

[59:38] we're

[59:39] Alberto

[59:39] Mickey

[59:40] and Brandon

[59:41] three lifelong

[59:43] friends united

[59:44] through our

[59:44] love of movies

[59:45] and each

[59:45] other

[59:46] please join

[59:47] us as we

[59:48] goof around

[59:48] about the

[59:49] newest

[59:49] Hollywood

[59:50] blockbusters

[59:50] and delve

[59:52] into the

[59:52] films of the

[59:52] criterion

[59:53] collection

[59:53] forever

[59:54] demystifying

[59:56] the notion

[59:56] that the

[59:57] love of

[59:57] popcorn

[59:57] films

[59:58] and classic

[59:59] foreign and

[59:59] art house

[1:00:00] cinema

[1:00:00] are incongruous

[1:00:02] please listen

[1:00:03] to our

[1:00:03] cool podcast

[1:00:04] the three

[1:00:05] friends

[1:00:05] grow

[1:00:05] nope

[1:00:07] there's no

[1:00:08] grow in

[1:00:08] there

[1:00:08] let's try

[1:00:09] it again

[1:00:10] not let's

[1:00:11] let's you know

[1:00:12] let's try and give

[1:00:12] the people what they

[1:00:13] paid for not

[1:00:14] confuse the

[1:00:14] audience

[1:00:15] listen to our

[1:00:16] cool podcast

[1:00:17] the three

[1:00:17] friends go

[1:00:18] criterion

[1:00:19] at the

[1:00:21] three

[1:00:22] friends

[1:00:22] dot com

[1:00:23] apple

[1:00:24] podcasts

[1:00:24] stitcher

[1:00:26] or the

[1:00:26] podcatcher

[1:00:27] of your

[1:00:28] choice

[1:00:28] nice of

[1:00:29] them

[1:00:29] to let

[1:00:30] you

[1:00:30] choose

[1:00:31] hey

[1:00:32] here's a

[1:00:33] personal

[1:00:33] message

[1:00:34] this

[1:00:35] message

[1:00:35] is

[1:00:35] for

[1:00:36] joe

[1:00:37] and it

[1:00:38] is from

[1:00:38] emily

[1:00:39] last name

[1:00:39] withheld

[1:00:40] emily

[1:00:41] writes

[1:00:42] it's rare

[1:00:43] to find

[1:00:44] someone who

[1:00:44] can appreciate

[1:00:45] a great

[1:00:45] wallpaper

[1:00:46] like

[1:00:46] stewart

[1:00:47] make

[1:00:47] words

[1:00:48] sound like

[1:00:48] other words

[1:00:49] like

[1:00:49] elliot

[1:00:49] and enjoy

[1:00:50] this wife's

[1:00:51] butt

[1:00:51] as much

[1:00:52] as any

[1:00:52] dan

[1:00:52] could

[1:00:52] ever

[1:00:53] do

[1:00:53] i am

[1:00:55] lucky

[1:00:55] to have

[1:00:56] you in

[1:00:56] my life

[1:00:56] and wanted

[1:00:57] to make

[1:00:58] it known

[1:00:58] in the most

[1:00:58] public way

[1:00:59] possible

[1:01:00] via podcast

[1:01:01] yes i got

[1:01:03] you baby

[1:01:03] wait no

[1:01:05] wait sorry

[1:01:06] yes i got

[1:01:08] you a baby

[1:01:08] hope it

[1:01:09] fits

[1:01:10] i had her

[1:01:11] monogrammed

[1:01:12] no returns

[1:01:13] look um

[1:01:15] i hope this

[1:01:16] isn't the way

[1:01:16] that you're

[1:01:17] announcing that

[1:01:18] you're pregnant

[1:01:18] if if if

[1:01:19] if the person

[1:01:22] that you have

[1:01:23] the baby

[1:01:23] with doesn't

[1:01:24] know

[1:01:24] then

[1:01:25] either i

[1:01:27] mean like i

[1:01:27] mean i guess

[1:01:28] there's situations

[1:01:28] where you're not

[1:01:29] living in the

[1:01:29] same place i

[1:01:30] don't want to i

[1:01:30] don't want to put

[1:01:31] anything on

[1:01:32] um you guys i

[1:01:33] don't know your

[1:01:34] your deal i

[1:01:35] don't know what

[1:01:35] your thing is

[1:01:36] um but

[1:01:37] but if you're

[1:01:39] living in the

[1:01:40] same place

[1:01:40] and he hasn't

[1:01:42] noticed that

[1:01:42] you're pregnant

[1:01:43] yet

[1:01:43] uh you

[1:01:46] may want

[1:01:47] to look

[1:01:49] into

[1:01:50] others

[1:01:51] or uh

[1:01:52] arrangements

[1:01:53] i'm not

[1:01:55] saying that

[1:01:55] he's a

[1:01:56] dud

[1:01:56] per se

[1:01:57] i'm just

[1:01:58] saying that

[1:01:59] he may not

[1:01:59] be the most

[1:02:00] observant person

[1:02:01] you know

[1:02:02] i mean even

[1:02:03] if it's early

[1:02:03] on the fact

[1:02:05] that you're

[1:02:05] constantly going

[1:02:06] to the you

[1:02:07] know what i

[1:02:08] don't know

[1:02:08] anything about

[1:02:08] pregnancy what

[1:02:09] am i talking

[1:02:10] about why am

[1:02:11] i even doing

[1:02:12] this this bit

[1:02:13] does not work

[1:02:14] it's possibly

[1:02:16] offensive i

[1:02:17] don't know

[1:02:18] anything about

[1:02:18] pregnancy

[1:02:19] like i have to

[1:02:21] admit my i have

[1:02:22] to i you know

[1:02:23] it's it's my

[1:02:24] branding dan

[1:02:24] mccoy is the

[1:02:25] guy who does

[1:02:26] not know about

[1:02:26] pregnancy it's

[1:02:27] on my business

[1:02:28] cards

[1:02:28] guys

[1:02:31] look i'm

[1:02:33] happy for you

[1:02:34] joe and

[1:02:36] emily last name

[1:02:36] with hell

[1:02:37] congratulations on

[1:02:37] the baby i hope

[1:02:39] i haven't ruined

[1:02:40] things by the way

[1:02:41] i read that

[1:02:41] it's uh i blame

[1:02:46] the tarot root

[1:02:47] it was very

[1:02:48] starchy

[1:02:49] there's a a few

[1:02:51] things that i

[1:02:52] should uh let

[1:02:53] you guys know

[1:02:53] about

[1:02:53] number one

[1:02:55] we're going on

[1:02:57] tour

[1:02:57] yeah if you

[1:02:59] want to hear

[1:02:59] me not do

[1:03:01] this do it

[1:03:03] better because

[1:03:04] there are two

[1:03:05] other people

[1:03:06] helping me do

[1:03:07] it then you

[1:03:08] can come see

[1:03:09] us on tour

[1:03:10] and and and

[1:03:10] listen we've

[1:03:11] got four tour

[1:03:12] dates uh all

[1:03:15] across this great

[1:03:15] land of ours the

[1:03:17] first one is

[1:03:17] june 8th in

[1:03:18] portland we're

[1:03:20] going to be at

[1:03:20] revolution hall

[1:03:21] the second is

[1:03:23] july 13

[1:03:24] minneapolis

[1:03:26] at the parkway

[1:03:27] the third is

[1:03:29] september 28th

[1:03:31] boston

[1:03:32] that's at

[1:03:34] city space

[1:03:35] and in all

[1:03:37] likelihood we

[1:03:38] will be doing

[1:03:39] two shows in

[1:03:40] that one night

[1:03:41] at boston

[1:03:42] the venue

[1:03:43] seats 250

[1:03:45] so if we sell

[1:03:46] out the first

[1:03:46] we are going

[1:03:47] to do a

[1:03:47] second and

[1:03:49] on october

[1:03:50] 12th in la

[1:03:52] we'll be at

[1:03:53] the regent

[1:03:54] theater again

[1:03:55] we play the

[1:03:55] regent theater

[1:03:56] once more once

[1:03:57] before in los

[1:03:58] angeles but

[1:03:58] stewart was

[1:03:59] unable to attend

[1:04:00] due to back

[1:04:01] problems so this

[1:04:02] will be the

[1:04:02] first full

[1:04:03] team flop house

[1:04:06] live show in

[1:04:07] los angeles and

[1:04:09] if you go to

[1:04:09] the website the

[1:04:10] listing for this

[1:04:12] show should have

[1:04:14] links to all

[1:04:15] of these

[1:04:16] ticket links for

[1:04:18] all of these

[1:04:19] we also have a

[1:04:22] shows live shows

[1:04:23] page and we'll

[1:04:24] see whether i've

[1:04:25] remembered to

[1:04:26] update the live

[1:04:27] shows page by the

[1:04:28] time you get

[1:04:29] this podcast

[1:04:30] i am not

[1:04:33] good at

[1:04:34] doing that

[1:04:35] but i will do

[1:04:36] it as soon

[1:04:37] as i can

[1:04:38] and i also

[1:04:40] remember

[1:04:40] hey

[1:04:41] here's the

[1:04:42] thing

[1:04:43] max fun drive

[1:04:44] it's coming up

[1:04:45] it's just around

[1:04:47] the corner

[1:04:47] and next week

[1:04:50] would normally be

[1:04:51] an off week for

[1:04:52] the flop house

[1:04:53] podcast you know

[1:04:54] that we do

[1:04:55] a bi-monthly

[1:04:57] show or

[1:04:59] bi-weekly show

[1:05:00] weirdly they

[1:05:01] could mean the

[1:05:03] same thing

[1:05:04] depending on how

[1:05:04] you're using those

[1:05:05] words once every

[1:05:07] other week that's

[1:05:08] the easiest way of

[1:05:08] saying it but in

[1:05:09] this case because

[1:05:10] of the max fun

[1:05:11] drive we are

[1:05:13] doing an extra

[1:05:14] show to fall

[1:05:15] smack right dab

[1:05:17] in the middle of

[1:05:18] said drive and

[1:05:20] we'll talk a lot

[1:05:22] more about how

[1:05:23] you should donate

[1:05:24] to max fun then

[1:05:25] but if you cannot

[1:05:26] wait the drive

[1:05:27] website will go

[1:05:29] live at

[1:05:30] maximum fun dot

[1:05:31] org slash

[1:05:31] donate on

[1:05:32] monday march

[1:05:33] 18 so all of

[1:05:37] that is great i

[1:05:39] guess i don't know

[1:05:40] i'm just running on

[1:05:42] autopilot at this

[1:05:42] point um hey

[1:05:44] hope you're enjoying

[1:05:46] the show let's get

[1:05:47] back to it all right

[1:05:48] okay now what do we

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:50] do dan looks like

[1:05:51] that gun has been

[1:05:52] slung and that

[1:05:53] tower has been

[1:05:53] done we have

[1:05:55] forgotten the face

[1:05:55] of our fathers

Dan McCoy

[1:05:56] so uh hissing that's

[1:06:02] weird um so there's a

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:05] snake loose in the

[1:06:06] audience

[1:06:06] oh no parcel tongue

[1:06:09] uh-oh this is the

Dan McCoy

[1:06:11] part where uh so we

[1:06:13] like to take some

[1:06:14] questions from the

[1:06:15] audience we're gonna

[1:06:16] take as many as we

[1:06:17] can we don't have all

[1:06:18] that much time because

[1:06:19] we always went way too

[1:06:20] long what dan man is

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:21] we're gonna take as

[1:06:22] many as we can within

[1:06:22] the time limits yes he

[1:06:25] didn't mean look we're

[1:06:26] doing this until we drop

[1:06:27] dead no the next like

Dan McCoy

[1:06:30] 15 minutes or so so we

[1:06:32] have a microphone set up

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:33] over here please get in

Dan McCoy

[1:06:33] line it's uh yeah and

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:36] as always because we are

[1:06:37] strapped for time because

[1:06:38] we talked a long time

[1:06:39] please if you could try

[1:06:42] to boil your question

[1:06:43] down to the most relevant

[1:06:45] nub and please avoid any

[1:06:47] stories about how much you

[1:06:49] love the podcast because we

[1:06:50] know you love it you're

[1:06:50] here thank you very much

Dan McCoy

[1:06:51] wow wow jesus very very

[1:06:55] uh a lot of ego in that

[1:06:57] elliot says no wedding

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:58] proposals i'm sorry i know

[1:07:01] you guys bought tickets to

[1:07:02] see the show because you

[1:07:03] hate us it's like in the

[1:07:05] simpsons when she was in

[1:07:06] the second best band lisa

[1:07:08] and they just start booing

[1:07:09] and she goes why would

[1:07:10] they pay to boo us all

Dan McCoy

[1:07:14] right so the people who are

[1:07:15] in line uh hello you you

[1:07:20] yeah that's the microphone

S5

[1:07:21] yeah hi um whole name

[1:07:23] withheld you don't even

[1:07:24] know who i am um so

[1:07:25] recently i was reading some

[1:07:27] articles about the 1988

[1:07:28] remake of the blob you

[1:07:30] know as you do and a

[1:07:32] number of people who've

[1:07:33] seen this movie are

[1:07:34] laboring under the delusion

[1:07:35] that the titular blob is a

[1:07:37] metaphor for the aids

[1:07:38] crisis i don't know if you

[1:07:40] guys have seen that movie

[1:07:41] it's not it's not about that

[1:07:43] at all so i was so liz

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:45] this is not a question yet

[1:07:47] no no no hey this is you

[1:07:48] talking about an article you

S5

[1:07:49] read no this is versus

[1:07:51] multiple articles second no

[1:07:53] so that's the hot take

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:54] microphone that's the hot

S5

[1:07:55] take um the question is

[1:07:57] have you guys uh can you

[1:07:58] guys think of any examples

[1:07:59] when people have claimed that

[1:08:01] there was something deep and

[1:08:03] subtextual in a movie when

[1:08:04] it just was not it just was

[1:08:06] not there i mean that's

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:08] that's kind of what the

[1:08:08] entirety of the movie room

[1:08:09] 237 is the shine

[1:08:11] documentary which is an

[1:08:12] amazing movie and it was

[1:08:14] like all these people being

[1:08:15] like this is what the

[1:08:16] shining is about you hear

[1:08:17] them talking about you're

[1:08:17] like that is crazy but it

[1:08:20] was like i watched that

[1:08:20] movie and i'm like oh this

[1:08:21] is a movie about how

[1:08:22] people need god they need

[1:08:24] they need to believe in

[1:08:26] kind of like an all

[1:08:27] powerful hands that has

[1:08:28] created a reason for

[1:08:29] things yeah because

[1:08:30] arbitrariness does not

[1:08:31] fit into the view of the

[1:08:32] universe and it's a really

[1:08:33] good movie but that's

[1:08:34] basically basically the

[1:08:34] whole movie is people

[1:08:35] being like so that's what

[1:08:36] the shining is about and

[1:08:37] you're watching you're

[1:08:37] like what are you what

[1:08:38] are you talking about

[1:08:39] it's about stephen king's

[1:08:41] battle with his own

[1:08:41] alcoholism that's he said

[1:08:42] that's what it's about i

Dan McCoy

[1:08:44] also kind of feel that

[1:08:44] way about the original

[1:08:45] uh invasion of the body

[1:08:47] snatchers where everyone's

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:48] like oh this is a movie

[1:08:50] about anti-communist

[1:08:51] hysteria and it's like

Dan McCoy

[1:08:52] well it could easily be

[1:08:53] read just as like

[1:08:54] communist hysteria like

[1:08:56] either way i feel works

[1:08:59] like you can't really like

[1:09:00] say like oh he was

[1:09:02] maybe ironically you don't

[1:09:04] know that like i don't

[1:09:05] know that's not very funny

[1:09:06] but that's what i came to

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:07] my mind hey i thought

[1:09:09] that way about the love

[1:09:10] song of j alfred

[1:09:11] proof rock i was like

[1:09:12] this is just like silly

[1:09:13] the guy wants to be a

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:17] crab like that's a

[1:09:19] daniel tiger type stuff

[1:09:20] uh i hope that answers

Dan McCoy

[1:09:25] your question

[1:09:26] hi i'm john last name

[1:09:30] withheld hi joe hi um

[1:09:32] thank you uh to elliot

[1:09:34] for his extremely

[1:09:35] informators

[1:09:36] uh

[1:09:38] i wish

[1:09:40] seriously

[1:09:40] um thank you to elliot

[1:09:42] for his extremely

[1:09:43] informative uh presentation

[1:09:44] before the show about the

[1:09:46] differences between the new

[1:09:47] york boroughs

[1:09:48] uh i was just wondering if

[1:09:49] there's a uh quintessential

[1:09:51] new york experience for

[1:09:53] each of you that you could

[1:09:54] say

[1:09:55] for someone to do if they

[1:09:58] were here say on vacation

[1:09:59] well if you if you ever

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:00] want to like go on a

[1:10:01] kill spree to free a teen

[1:10:02] prostitute from harvey

[1:10:03] kytel

[1:10:03] always

[1:10:04] i feel like you you can't

[1:10:07] call yourself a new yorker

[1:10:08] until you've done that

Dan McCoy

[1:10:09] if you want a quintessential

[1:10:11] new york experience i say

[1:10:13] that um if you ever come

[1:10:15] across a subway car with

[1:10:18] nobody in it

[1:10:18] definitely go into that car

[1:10:21] yeah

[1:10:23] and just

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:26] that's and then

[1:10:27] enjoy the scent

[1:10:28] because then you get the

[1:10:29] joy of you get the joy of

[1:10:31] you when you go to the next

[1:10:32] car and you will

[1:10:33] you get the joy of at each

[1:10:34] station watching other

[1:10:36] people have the experience

[1:10:37] you just had

[1:10:37] i was just gonna say go to

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:44] if you go anywhere along

[1:10:45] beautiful fourth avenue here

[1:10:47] in brooklyn you're gonna see

[1:10:48] many high rises going up so

[1:10:49] there's gonna be a lot of

[1:10:51] construction crews and just

[1:10:53] follow one of those

[1:10:55] construction workers when

[1:10:56] they walk away and then

[1:10:57] open their car door and

[1:10:59] then just pee on the ground

[1:11:00] because that's that's crazy i

[1:11:05] guess i can't see your dick

[1:11:07] so it's cool

[1:11:08] how do you have any advice or

Dan McCoy

[1:11:12] should we move on

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:13] how do you have any advice or

[1:11:14] should we move on how do you

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:15] what's it what's it went for

[1:11:16] like a midwestern gal transplant

[1:11:17] like you i thought you were i i

[1:11:19] didn't think you were asking for

[1:11:19] i thought you were asking us to

[1:11:20] tell you our quintessential new

[1:11:22] york experiences i mean i think

Dan McCoy

[1:11:24] you can do that too if you want

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:25] oh okay well mine was definitely

[1:11:27] when tom hanks proposed to me at

[1:11:29] the top of the eiffel tower i'm

Dan McCoy

[1:11:32] sorry the top of the eiffel tower is

[1:11:33] that what you said yeah new york's

[1:11:36] famous eiffel tower dan went in

[1:11:38] rome

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:38] all right that's the best answer

Dan McCoy

[1:11:46] that could possibly have been

[1:11:47] given so we should move along thank

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:49] you very much thanks for the

[1:11:51] question next question please hello

S6

[1:11:53] um first name gun last name slinger

[1:11:55] whoa

[1:11:56] um i just had a question about now

[1:12:01] that elliott's moved to the west

[1:12:02] coast and like has seen kind of the

[1:12:04] movie business over there i was

[1:12:06] wondering let's let's assume i've

[1:12:08] seen

[1:12:08] over there

[1:12:09] let's not assume it's just a locked

[1:12:11] door i'm banging against saying let

[1:12:13] me in let me in

[1:12:14] um so would you say that um i guess

[1:12:17] it's kind of more for elliott but

[1:12:19] would you say that the east coast or

[1:12:20] the west coast has like more of an

[1:12:22] artsy movie scene like kind of

[1:12:23] private viewings and indie shows and

[1:12:25] stuff like that

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:26] actually to be honest it's both it's

[1:12:29] pretty competitive both of them

[1:12:30] in la has this has this reputation

[1:12:33] especially in new york for being like

[1:12:35] this really culturalist classless

[1:12:37] place but you like there's all these

[1:12:39] people out there who are making things

[1:12:41] because they want to make things and

[1:12:42] dancing to jazz and stuff yeah yeah

[1:12:44] they're all and there's a lot of

[1:12:46] there's a lot of people dancing to

[1:12:47] like

[1:12:48] there's a there's a lot of people

[1:12:52] dancing to music that reminds you of

[1:12:54] better music that was but uh they uh

[1:12:57] but there's a lot of that stuff in la

[1:12:59] and it's like i am the i'm kind of the

[1:13:01] wrong person to ask because as a

[1:13:02] parent i don't get to go out and do

[1:13:04] that stuff very much but i feel like

[1:13:06] new york has a fair amount and la has

[1:13:08] a fair amount like there's both a lot

[1:13:09] of it if you and the only difference

[1:13:11] is that new york like if you walk a

[1:13:13] block you'll stumble on someone making

[1:13:15] either a student film or law and order

[1:13:17] episode but in la someone has to tell

[1:13:20] you like go to this place it's really

[1:13:21] cool so they're there but it's a lot

[1:13:23] easier to find them in new york moving

[1:13:27] on more questions for me please yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:29] guys it's me will

[1:13:31] hey will hello uh glad to see all the

S7

[1:13:35] peaches in the same bathroom um i uh

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:39] that's what we call our bed people

[1:13:40] chill out

[1:13:41] so i i really been waiting for years

[1:13:45] just to play radio zork

Dan McCoy

[1:13:46] sure

[1:13:48] damn time for radio zork everybody

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:51] many of them tried cube has succeeded

[1:13:53] so what do you do uh if i remember

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:00] i think last time we listened to a

[1:14:02] door

[1:14:02] so uh i really just want to get

Dan McCoy

[1:14:05] through that door so

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:06] uh is elliot is get through a door a

[1:14:09] valid command

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:10] you walk into the door

[1:14:13] do i get al you say clutching your

[1:14:16] nose

[1:14:16] the door remains closed we'll find out

[1:14:20] what happens next time on the next

[1:14:21] episode of radio zork thanks for

[1:14:23] playing the game

Dan McCoy

[1:14:24] what the fuck

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:28] i know right

Dan McCoy

[1:14:29] yeah stuart quit showing off your

[1:14:31] shorts

[1:14:32] guys i want some shorts

[1:14:34] short shorts on and he's putting his

[1:14:36] leg up on it

[1:14:37] all right

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:38] okay so

[1:14:39] introduce yourself

[1:14:40] all right

[1:14:43] k-cell

[1:14:44] former co-worker of

[1:14:46] of me

[1:14:47] yeah

[1:14:48] why is everyone being fucking weird

[1:14:51] congrats

[1:14:51] congrats on the emmy

[1:14:55] i love you

[1:14:55] fernando says hi

[1:14:57] okay thank you

[1:14:57] here's the question

[1:14:59] i'm a man of tradition so i'll keep it the same

[1:15:02] sure yeah

[1:15:02] if you had to human centipede

[1:15:05] oh this old chestnut huh

[1:15:06] does it change

[1:15:08] of course

[1:15:08] okay

[1:15:09] if you had to human centipede

[1:15:11] the justice league

[1:15:14] okay

[1:15:15] in what order

[1:15:17] would it be

[1:15:19] wait do we have to be

[1:15:21] do we have to be involved in the human

[1:15:23] centipede or do we just have to make

[1:15:24] them into a human centipede

[1:15:26] i think we just have to

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:26] i mean if you want to be involved

[1:15:28] i guess

[1:15:28] i feel like

[1:15:30] i wasn't digging that

[1:15:30] i guess i can opt out

[1:15:32] i don't know

[1:15:32] let me just say this guys

[1:15:33] you want to opt out of this human centipede

[1:15:35] because at some point

[1:15:37] superman's shit is going to come flying

[1:15:39] at the speed of like a bullet

[1:15:42] you don't want to be in the path of that

Dan McCoy

[1:15:44] so put him at the back is what you're saying

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:47] yeah i'm saying superman goes at the back

[1:15:49] and then put martian manhunter behind him

[1:15:50] i hate that guy

Dan McCoy

[1:15:51] oh wow

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:53] he's like i'm superman but i'm green

[1:15:54] he's like oh i'm weak because of fire

[1:15:56] everyone is dude that's not special

[1:15:58] yeah i i don't want to do it

Dan McCoy

[1:16:04] i don't want to do this to anyone

[1:16:05] why do i have to be playing god with a human centipede

[1:16:10] dan you asked for this responsibility when you started a podcast

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:13] it goes uh marshman hunter in the back

[1:16:17] then superman then dan mccoy and then aquaman

[1:16:20] i think we all covered it

[1:16:21] okay

Dan McCoy

[1:16:22] yeah that sounds good

[1:16:23] sounds good

[1:16:24] thank you guys

[1:16:25] love you still

[1:16:28] yes

[1:16:29] what's up

[1:16:30] uh martin last name with help

[1:16:32] um so when i was like first getting into movies

[1:16:34] and i would be around people who knew about movies

[1:16:36] i would probably pretend sometimes like i knew more about

[1:16:39] than i actually did so i didn't look like an idiot

[1:16:40] that's called being a man

[1:16:42] yep

[1:16:42] um

[1:16:43] and as i've gotten older i've sort of like

[1:16:45] all the time

[1:16:46] grown out of it but

[1:16:47] so i get my question is uh when have you lied

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:49] about having seen a movie and why

Dan McCoy

[1:16:51] oh

[1:16:52] i know what's happened i just can't

[1:16:56] thank you

[1:16:57] oh yeah

Hallie Haglund

[1:16:57] i can't remember

Dan McCoy

[1:17:00] no i mean like i think it happened a long time ago is the thing like i now i'm an adult

[1:17:06] and i'm just like i haven't fucking seen that movie one of the fucking like but when i was a kid

[1:17:11] like i thought like it was important

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:13] yeah you think people will think less of you

[1:17:15] exactly

[1:17:15] if you haven't seen i don't know whatever like it's like uh i'm trying to think what

[1:17:20] there were so many movies i faked having seen when i was younger

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:23] no way i saw that i lied about seeing wake and fright for a while and then i admitted i've never seen it

[1:17:28] i want to

[1:17:30] oh it's a good movie i just haven't gotten around to it i know it's good that's why i lied about it

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:33] i often lie i don't lie so much about having seen things but i lie about having heard of things

[1:17:39] um people be like the trailer for sessions has dropped i'm like oh yeah how's it look and the implication is oh i'm aware of that

[1:17:45] but really like recently people have been like oh hereditary is coming out excited and like of course i am

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:52] and i'm like then i'm like google hereditary

[1:17:54] do you do you work in the tmz office now

Dan McCoy

[1:17:58] hallie i assume that this idea is almost completely foreign to you no i think i've probably done that tonight

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:06] oh yeah yeah

[1:18:07] but i just know you guys

[1:18:11] you've never seen roxanne

[1:18:13] no i've seen roxanne

[1:18:15] but i also know that you guys are doing it way more than you admit you're like oh yeah when i was

[1:18:20] younger i'm like elliot come on you do that all the time

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:24] i say i only pretend i know things i don't pretend i've seen things

[1:18:29] because i've seen things halle

Dan McCoy

[1:18:31] terrible things

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:34] all right moving on hey joe last name with health uh a few months ago i was on a flight and i watched

[1:18:41] the entirety of suicide squad over somebody's shoulder completely on mute did not think to put it on

[1:18:46] the screen myself what's the last movie you remember watching over someone's shoulder on a plane

[1:18:53] i watched the vast majority of valerian over someone's shoulder and i think that's having seen

[1:19:00] it not over someone's shoulder i think that's the better way to watch it i also really enjoyed seeing

[1:19:06] people watching dunkirk on a plane

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:11] and gravity that was another great one the only the only time i've ever seen any of avatar was the guy

[1:19:19] next to me was watching it on a plane and i was like i've never seen that movie but i know that's not

[1:19:24] not the way to watch that movie and it just made me think that james cameron was somewhere going like

[1:19:28] ah why

[1:19:31] why do i hurt all of a sudden

Dan McCoy

[1:19:34] i'd like to introduce myself i'm dan mccoy

[1:19:38] i watch movies on planes all the time i don't watch over people's shoulders

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:47] all right do you have anything or should we move on no i i don't i i don't know i watched nacho libre

[1:19:56] once twice in a row on a plane because the first time were you worried you missed stuff so that that

Dan McCoy

[1:20:04] that increases the worldwide total of people watching nacho libre to four

Hallie Haglund

[1:20:09] it was so funny the first time i was like i'm ready to go again

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:13] let me back on that roller coaster you weren't like well time for me now that i know the ending

[1:20:18] time for me to decode that puzzle

S7

[1:20:23] yes sir uh josh last name withheld uh so about an hour and a half ago my phone was like hey you're

[1:20:30] supposed to be at the bell house in ten minutes to see the flop house i was like oh

[1:20:34] shit that's tonight and i got in a cab and i got here uh so do you have a stirring tale of survival

[1:20:40] and triumph over the odds for your consideration and uh my nervousness is masking my enthusiasm for

[1:20:47] making it but is there something have you had a near miss recently or a memorable one in your life

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:53] uh uh you guys i feel like i heard that those stories from dan stewart literally right before the show

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:00] yeah well yesterday yesterday my wife and i went to the bronx zoo which is amazing it's great we it

[1:21:09] took us forever to get there and we only had an hour but i did still see some fucking giraffes

[1:21:16] so we rushed all the way back to brooklyn and traffic was terrible and we're like we have tickets

[1:21:21] to go see an early screening of oceans eight at the draft house i'd even bought my i'm very excited i

[1:21:26] even bought my wife the uh the commemorative pint glass to put on my collection of other mondo star wars

[1:21:33] pint glasses like we're gonna do it up it's wednesday baby and we uh and we end up you know parking and

[1:21:41] we went down and had some food and we got all the way up to the draft house and i'm like um i believe

[1:21:45] you owe me one glass please and he's like for what solo and i'm like no for oceans eight and he's like oh

[1:21:52] you're pretty early right uh and it turns out that the ticket i had bought was for a screening at yonkers

[1:22:02] i know

[1:22:06] and yonkers isn't even that far from the bronx zoo you could have ridden a giraffe over there

Dan McCoy

[1:22:13] elliot i have no idea what you're implying that i almost missed you were telling the story about

[1:22:17] showing up on the wrong day for a movie that oh yeah yeah yeah no i i likewise

[1:22:23] i likewise went to the alma draft house on the wrong monday they were having a frank hennenlotter

[1:22:30] retrospective the guy did basket case and frank and hooker and brain damage i was gonna go see the

[1:22:36] movie bad biology about a woman with seven clits who meets a man with a giant sentient penis and they

[1:22:44] have a romance uh you know shakespeare's told it best um and i was i showed up on the wrong monday

[1:22:56] and i was like fuck all right i've spent my whole night on this like it's 9 30 what else are they showing

[1:23:04] here and like what they're showing was there was a video vortex of secret agent double o soul starring

[1:23:11] billy d williams directed by billy d williams's stunt double on return of the jedi

[1:23:20] and so i went to see that and you know bad dramas are fun

[1:23:27] and bad comedies are like punching yourself in the eye and so i decided like 15 minutes into the movie like

[1:23:36] well this is going to be a nice nap that i'm going to take for the next

[1:23:40] 90 minutes and that's what i did so that that's my story but uh i think i think we may actually if we

[1:23:49] do it fast we may actually have time enough to get through the entire line so let's do it fast

[1:23:53] this is quick uh nick last name withheld my only question is did any of you notice that matthew mccanae

[1:23:59] only used the word magic in plural for all of the dark tower it was only magic

[1:24:06] yes do you have any thoughts on it the very wick any way of saying it you mean like wick any wick any whack

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:14] like that

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:16] you know i didn't notice that uh i mean he gives such a sleepy performance i just wasn't paying that much

[1:24:22] attention he's a very charismatic actor and i know that when you have a mcconaughey you're going to stick

[1:24:27] him in as many scenes as possible especially because roland's not the most exciting hero but man it was

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:34] boring wow i didn't have a scathing uh uh review of his performance i was like he's trying something new

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:43] very handsome like for too long matthew mcconaughey has leaned on the crutch of his charisma in his

[1:24:49] performances finally he's experimenting with no charisma i liked it yes sir uh so the so the first thing

Dan McCoy

[1:24:57] i just wanted to say was i i don't think i've ever laughed as hard as i think it was the ouija episode

[1:25:02] where hallie tried to explain that dan was a ghost and and that was probably the hardest i've ever laughed

[1:25:10] at an episode of the flop house but um the other thing is in this movie uh dennis haisbert and jackie

[1:25:17] girl haley kind of play characters that basically an extra could have played so so i wanted to know

[1:25:27] uh what what is the what is the role in any terrible movie that you think uh a kind of good actor was

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:36] kind of wasted on but don't you want to know how much they got paid

[1:25:40] that was my question it's crazy i'm sure dennis haisbert was paid well very handsomely that's what

Dan McCoy

[1:25:47] i'm saying we already addressed it in the podcast but i we watched uh what was it the layover

[1:25:55] yeah and it was just baffling the fact that they put cal pen in a role where they gave him no jokes

[1:26:01] cal pen and molly shannon yeah they were just like hey we've got funny actors so i guess we can give them this drama

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:10] script that we wrote it's like uh william h macy has some kind of blackmail material against both of

Dan McCoy

[1:26:16] them i don't know he's a pied piper character he's just sure no wait goes into town steals all the

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:23] children yeah have you seen this was the most fucked up crazy example i ever saw of this did you guys ever

[1:26:30] see that movie when i tony collette was like um a rock journalism report she was like a rock journalist

[1:26:40] and she had dated some big music star who had disappeared do you guys

[1:26:48] was that and it was fucking johnny depp who had no lines yelling by the way this character had

[1:26:54] disappeared so it was basically like she had dated this guy who was this huge rock star and had

[1:27:00] disappeared and it was the 20th anniversary of his disappearance and the whole movie is about

[1:27:04] her trying to find him and she like goes to his like she finds him and it's johnny depp in the last

[1:27:13] like two seconds am i wrong

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:19] what is it then no but i want to see this movie i'm really curious about it

[1:27:22] i always remember everything wrong it was jackie dap

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:25] does it no

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:27] doesn't square with the velvet gold mine i saw because in my

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:30] in my memory i'm always wrong about this kind of stuff so i'm totally willing to admit that but

[1:27:35] like but it was literally like he came out and like stood next to a picket fence

[1:27:42] and she was like hey and he was like hey and then he disappeared from the movie how am i wrong

[1:27:47] i'm seriously want to know wait you know

Dan McCoy

[1:27:52] how is giving the microphone to an audience member this is like this is like bruce springsteen's

S5

[1:27:57] dance in the dark video well as christian bale was the journalist tony collette was in it you're

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:04] right about that she was the wife of the singer who was jonathan reese myers and ewan mcgregor was in

S7

[1:28:12] it i said you got the part about tony collette right but it was i don't think we can untangle

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:20] this knot right i feel like i feel like you're definitely he's like fucking rashomon now

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:28] it feels like i feels like i'm watching hallie in front of an audience learn that the tooth fairy

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:32] was her parents the whole time no i i want to get to the bottom of this but this might not be the

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:39] time right into who was in bill of gold mine care of hallie hangland at the tension the flop house

Dan McCoy

[1:28:45] one two three fake street how is squinting very very dubiously no because they were like you dated

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:53] him you're the one to write this story all right all right we'll figure it out look i had to answer

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:59] for that question but i can't top hallie's journey of self-discovery all right we've got to get to

Dan McCoy

[1:29:05] these last couple questions i'm totally open to believing i'm wrong about this all right we got to get

[1:29:09] to these last questions i can't follow that but my question was do you think the gunslinger could

[1:29:14] beat omar little and brother muzone in a gunfight no no no question omar spoiler alert was killed by a

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:21] child wait wait hold on hold on hold on dan dan hold on dan what is wrong with you

[1:29:34] number one that just shows how amazing his game was because it took the innocence of a child the

[1:29:41] only type of person who can figure out that that planet in star wars was erased from the galactic

Dan McCoy

[1:29:45] library system child the only the only person who can bring down the dark tower is a mind of a child

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:50] i guess exactly yeah i would say omar all the way even though yes he does announce that he's coming

[1:29:58] very clearly and he uses a very unwieldy weapon that needs to be reloaded very frequently

[1:30:06] and he's based on a character that doesn't exist in real life unlike the gunslinger yeah well no i

[1:30:12] mean in the world of the wire they're like it's going to be this super real look at the world of

[1:30:16] guns a world of drugs but we're also going to throw a boba fett in there because every story needs a boba

[1:30:21] that okay last question of the night hey guys how are you thank you so much uh thank you lady and

Dan McCoy

[1:30:29] gentlemen this is my third this is my third well it's my third live show which is amazing um

[1:30:38] uh and i want to talk to you guys more about maybe what you were talking about tonight now's the time

[1:30:44] i want to talk about what you're talking about tonight

Hallie Haglund

[1:30:48] he has a toothpick in his mouth right now it's out i don't have it anymore

Dan McCoy

[1:30:54] i want to talk to you about you what you guys were talking about tonight and other topics but uh

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:59] is there anywhere are you guys gonna have a beer somewhere i think after this maybe you're gonna go

[1:31:04] somewhere after this uh yeah well immediately after the show we're gonna be outside uh signing stuff

[1:31:11] i guess if you want that if anyone wants that for some reason that will happen and then we're gonna all

[1:31:16] and well not all of us i'm going to end up yeah i dance tits

Dan McCoy

[1:31:24] i would say at least at least one half of us will probably end up at hinterland's bar

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:31] hinterland's bar in kensington brook i know it's a school night but if people want to come out that's

[1:31:35] where it'll be okay dan big energy finale wait wait i'm hearing i'm hearing what's the address from

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:41] someone who sounds suspiciously like a co-owner of that bar it's 739 church avenue just punch that into

Dan McCoy

[1:31:49] your app 739 church avenue all right but thank you so much for coming thank you for uh sitting through

[1:31:56] all this it's gone longer than it usually does uh but thank you to hallie for being here

[1:32:04] uh it's so great to be back doing a show in new york yeah

[1:32:12] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:32:12] and thank you to everyone at the bell house thank you to everyone at the bell house they're the best

[1:32:18] yeah for the flop house i've been dan mccoy for the flop house i've been stewart wellington

Hallie Haglund

[1:32:26] for the flop house elliot kalen that's me for the flop house hallie hagglin

[1:32:39] so dan's making real progress is what i'm saying i've been waiting so long to hear you say that elliot

Dan McCoy

[1:33:07] on this episode of the show we discuss and that's not how we do it right

[1:33:13] i call it a podcast right that's what i do

[1:33:18] you know what guys

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:21] i think uh too much unearned praise has made dan uh foolishly overconfident

[1:33:27] i retract what i said all right never in my years have i seen someone backslide so quickly

Dan McCoy

[1:33:36] maximumfund.org

[1:33:38] comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #279 - The Dark Tower LIVE

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