FH Mini 132 - Stu Brings Down the Hammer

[0:00] Hey, it's me, Stuart Wellington, one of the hosts of the Flophouse podcast, and you are

[0:09] listening to the Flophouse podcast, and this is not a main episode, this is a Flophouse

[0:13] podcast mini episode.

[0:15] That's right.

[0:16] On the off weeks, instead of watching a bad movie and talking about it, we kind of do

[0:19] whatever we want.

[0:20] And today I'm in the driver's seat.

[0:23] That means the lore master has returned.

[0:26] I shall be sharing one of my passions with my co-hosts.

[0:31] Introduce themselves now.

[0:32] Dan McCoy.

[0:33] Elliot Kalin.

[0:34] Very nervous.

[0:36] I am introducing one of my passions to my co-hosts, and that passion is Warhammer 40,000,

[0:44] or as we fans of Warhammer call it, Whammer.

[0:48] So guys, we're going to be talking about Whammer 40k.

[0:54] I don't know enough to know if that's a joke or if that's actually what Warhammer fans

[0:57] call it.

[0:58] So you're going to have to trust me, I think.

[1:02] So in order to, I've explained a little bit about Whammer 40k to them in the past, but

[1:08] what we're going to do today is I had them watch an episode of a television program on

[1:15] the Amazon Prime Network.

[1:16] It's a program called Secret Level.

[1:18] This is an anthology animated show where they are, each episode is about a different

[1:25] video game or gamers or things like that, and each one has a different theme.

[1:30] And there is the fifth episode in the series is themed around Warhammer.

[1:36] It is titled Whammer 40,000.

[1:38] Yep.

[1:39] Well, the title is Warhammer 40,000, colon, and they shall know no fear.

[1:45] Since this was a relatively short thing, I feel like this would be an interesting way

[1:49] to introduce my two buddies to a thing that I love, and we're going to see how it goes.

[1:56] So before we get into this, guys, did you have any background with other than me briefly

[2:01] explaining it on a what hour and a half long podcast?

[2:05] Do you have any understanding of Warhammer 40,000?

[2:08] And at least one live show presentation.

[2:10] Yeah.

[2:11] Stuart, I can say that even after you explained it on a previous thing and a presentation,

[2:17] I have no understanding of what Warhammer is other than a thing that is played with

[2:24] little figurines and sort of a strategy game thing.

[2:30] I mean, like it kind of exists in the nether realms between, you know, like a tabletop

[2:37] game and like a role playing thing.

[2:42] That's pretty close.

[2:43] Yeah.

[2:44] Yeah.

[2:45] And as you can see, the and also because this is a this show Secret Levels all about video

[2:50] games, there has also been a number of video game adaptations of Warhammer.

[2:55] So Elliot, you answer the question.

[2:57] What's your familiarity level?

[2:58] I've never played it.

[2:59] I know partly because you talk about it.

[3:01] I know a little bit, very tiny amount of the basic concept and premise and lore.

[3:06] And it's the kind of thing that I feel like I have enjoyed more as a thing that I only

[3:10] know little bits about, rather than a thing I really immerse myself in, because I know

[3:16] there's a there's a certain aspect of it that is, as they say in Warhammer itself in this

[3:23] show, and I know is the most important aspect of Warhammer, that it's in the grim, dark

[3:26] world of the future.

[3:28] And it gets a little, I think in general, the more the deeper I try to delve into it,

[3:32] the grimmer it gets in a way that I find not fun.

[3:35] Well, let's also say, I mean, you said you said specifically about like video games.

[3:40] This show Secret Levels is about various video games.

[3:45] Secret Levels, sorry.

[3:46] I had not watched it.

[3:47] We discovered that an old acquaintance of Elliot and mine, JT Petty, a nice, nice guy.

[3:53] He directed our friend and former guest on the podcast Eric Marszak in the movie Sandman,

[3:57] which is a creepy fake documentary horror movie.

[4:00] Yeah.

[4:01] So he was getting work.

[4:02] But I had not watched any of this show because also in video games, like I kind of tapped

[4:06] out around the Super Nintendo.

[4:08] I do have a Switch, but mostly just to like continue playing Super Mario games, whatever

[4:14] new Mario game comes out.

[4:15] And that's basically it.

[4:16] So, Elliot, you have you have two young boys.

[4:19] Are they super hardcore gamers yet?

[4:21] Are they big video gamers?

[4:22] They certainly want to be.

[4:23] We've held the line on not having a video game system in the house.

[4:26] But we recently recently they've been really getting into Minecraft, which you know, which

[4:30] kids love and because they saw the movie and were inspired.

[4:34] Yes.

[4:35] I got to know what this chicken jockey is.

[4:37] They were so I mean, they knew a little bit before they saw the movie, but the movie only

[4:41] had that appetite more and made them hungry for more.

[4:44] But yeah, we don't have a lot of video games in our house.

[4:47] I was a big video game player when I was a kid.

[4:49] I was a big Nintendo guy, but I just don't have the time in my life these days, which

[4:54] is sad.

[4:55] Really, I hear friends of mine and they're like, oh, yeah, I just played through this

[4:57] game and now I'm playing through it again to all the extra stuff.

[4:59] And I'm like, oh, I wish I had time for it's hobbies, but I wish I had time with it.

[5:06] This is and this is I dug my own grave when it comes to my schedule.

[5:09] So I'm not complaining about that.

[5:11] But yes, I'm outside the video game mainstream and my kids are not yet in it, but they really

[5:15] want to be in it.

[5:16] They want to be in that someday.

[5:18] Someday they'll do what Nintendo.

[5:19] Wait, no, that's Genesis.

[5:21] Genesis does what Nintendo don't.

[5:23] I was a Genesis guy growing up.

[5:24] I remember Genesis.

[5:25] It was the next level, right?

[5:28] Whatever it was, was it Genesis or which one said you are not ready?

[5:33] And that was their slogan.

[5:34] I don't remember.

[5:35] Dan, do you remember?

[5:36] I know that now you're playing with power when you have the power glove, which is a

[5:39] lie because it barely works.

[5:42] It's actually not that not a very great accessory.

[5:44] Yeah.

[5:45] Oh, it could have been.

[5:46] It could have been something special.

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:48] That and the gyro bot.

[5:49] OK, so and before we get into the plot, what there is in this episode, this is a tie in

[5:57] to the space.

[5:58] I think Space Marine and Space Marine two video games, Space Marine two just kind of

[6:03] recently came out, which feature the main the the protagonist of those games is Lieutenant

[6:10] Titus, who is featured in this in this little character of Titus from the Unbreakable Kimmy

[6:15] Schmidt.

[6:16] Yeah.

[6:17] I thought it was.

[6:18] Yeah.

[6:19] The character Titus.

[6:20] Not the actor.

[6:21] Not the actor.

[6:22] Or Christopher Titus, the comedian.

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:25] Exactly.

[6:27] So as as we said in this Warhammer 40,000 takes place in the grim darkness of the far

[6:32] future, 40,000 years in the future.

[6:35] OK, and we follow a the the to give a quick summary, this we follow a squad of Adeptus

[6:44] Astarte's ultramarine blade guard veterans.

[6:48] Oh, they're blue.

[6:49] As they go.

[6:50] Yep.

[6:52] As they are sent down on a mission to a planet that is held by the forces of chaos and they

[6:58] have to they have to identify and destroy a relic before, in turn, they themselves are

[7:05] going to most likely die.

[7:07] They believe going on this mission is a suicide mission.

[7:09] As of the beginning, mortality 100 percent.

[7:11] Uh huh.

[7:12] So the the the actual episode begins.

[7:16] We get a voiceover narrative from the the the leader of this blade guard regiment or

[7:21] this blade guard unit, Sergeant Metaurus, who is explaining a little bit about the how

[7:29] a child, a human child, the psychological and physical training and changes that go

[7:38] go into making them into a space marine soldier, a member of the Adeptus Astarte's.

[7:44] Were you super excited about this idea, guys?

[7:46] What do you think of the art?

[7:47] There's there's explaining, but I don't remember any plot to this thing.

[7:51] I have to.

[7:52] And he talks about how, like, you know, you you make them obedient, you break them.

[7:56] But what if you took a child who never knew fear?

[7:59] That's what if what if what could they be capable of if they were made into one of these

[8:02] giant monster marines wearing armor that is unstoppable and they can say that having no

[8:09] particular context for Warhammer four K, 40 K, 40 K.

[8:15] It was a hammer for a case off.

[8:21] This seems like four K to me.

[8:24] It's too many K's. I just like without the here's my first note.

[8:28] Do you need all the K's?

[8:30] That's a lot of K's.

[8:31] I mean, all the budgets are going to go to that league without any context.

[8:37] I'm sure that fans love like that.

[8:40] There's no handholding me.

[8:42] I was like, what the fuck is going on?

[8:44] Especially because you call this grimdark.

[8:46] It might have been grim.

[8:47] I can't tell because it was so goddamn dark.

[8:49] I could not see any fucking thing that was going on.

[8:52] We're God.

[8:53] Were you watching it on your laptop on the beach stand?

[8:56] I will say I did not watch it on like our like nice TV.

[9:01] I was watching it on a computer monitor that does not get as bright.

[9:04] But I would argue that, you know, maybe test it out on various screens.

[9:10] And if it's impossible to see on anything but the highest quality screen.

[9:14] Yeah.

[9:14] I'll send it back to the drawing board.

[9:16] Are you watching this on your on your laptop while doing dishes?

[9:20] No, I was watching it on an iPad while eating while eating lunch.

[9:22] So I was paying full attention to it.

[9:24] It was dark, but I knew that I was not giving it the best opportunity to shine.

[9:29] But I found I differently.

[9:32] It wasn't until the credits that I realized that these characters had names

[9:35] and were like characters, I thought they were just kind of generic.

[9:39] Who's this?

[9:39] I didn't know.

[9:40] It was very unclear to me.

[9:41] And by the end of it, it was like, OK, this is about the relationship

[9:44] between this guy and his protege, like the kid he trained,

[9:48] who is now a space marine and is reaching the next level of strength

[9:52] and confidence and power.

[9:53] But I didn't get that relationship until the very end of the end of the thing.

[9:58] Like it was it was I was.

[10:00] Like, okay, oh, I guess I was supposed to be tracking

[10:01] the relationship between these characters.

[10:03] Because so much of it is just guys in armor

[10:05] killing the shit out of randos and then blowing things up.

[10:08] Yeah, I'm only getting it now

[10:10] that you are explaining it back to me.

[10:12] So we, after this brief introduction,

[10:16] we are then on a space marine battle barge

[10:19] where this Sergeant Matoris

[10:20] is getting the mission information

[10:23] that's come through this like, kind of,

[10:26] one of the themes of the human empire in Warhammer

[10:31] is that everything is like,

[10:32] both a mix of high fantasy, like, fantastical,

[10:36] and also like, old-timey and kind of like, junky.

[10:40] Like, they have latched onto technology

[10:42] and they're just trying to keep the same technology,

[10:44] even if it's like, breaking and looks kind of

[10:47] a little bit crappy and a little bit like,

[10:49] and very religious.

[10:51] Like, they, space marines treat the act of war

[10:54] and preparing for war very religiously.

[10:56] So there's these like, little guys hanging around

[10:58] that are like, you know, wearing like, monk's robes

[11:01] and they're like, putting the armor on the sergeant.

[11:04] And then he and the rest of his squad,

[11:05] after all being geared up,

[11:07] they climb aboard a drop pod, which is like a giant bullet,

[11:11] which is then fired at the planet and it lands

[11:14] and then they come stomping out.

[11:16] That was pretty cool, right?

[11:17] They're in like, a giant flying bullet, right?

[11:18] That's cool.

[11:19] Yeah, I mean, these are all, hearing you describe it

[11:20] and when you've described the concepts in the past short,

[11:23] each time you've described it, I'm like,

[11:24] this sounds pretty cool.

[11:26] They sound really fun and like, neat

[11:27] and the amount of work that's gone into

[11:29] figuring out every detail of it.

[11:31] They don't just take a drop ship down.

[11:32] They take, they're shot down because

[11:34] all this world knows is war.

[11:36] All this universe knows is war.

[11:37] So everything has a war aspect to it.

[11:39] Even their vehicle is a bullet, you know.

[11:41] There's something kind of like, cool and coherent about that

[11:43] but seeing it, I'm like, ugh, kind of unrelenting.

[11:46] Kind of unrelenting in one note.

[11:47] It is, yeah.

[11:48] Yeah.

[11:49] So they, yeah, there's not a lot of joy

[11:51] unless you're talking about battle joy.

[11:54] But even then, they're so, they do not have the,

[11:57] when I think battle joy, I think of like a Viking berserker

[12:00] where there's a certain amount of like,

[12:01] ha ha, we shall swim in blood today and we may die

[12:04] but we may die gloriously.

[12:05] Whereas these characters are so,

[12:08] are so kind of emotionless, so joyless even in the fight

[12:12] that I was like, ugh, so nobody's liking this.

[12:15] Like, no, even the people, even the characters

[12:16] are not liking what they're doing, you know.

[12:18] Yeah, I feel like there were like,

[12:19] maybe 30 words spoken in this episode.

[12:23] Like, I appreciate trying to tell a story visually

[12:28] but if you're gonna do that,

[12:28] maybe turn some goddamn lights on.

[12:30] Lights on, yeah.

[12:31] Yeah, this old man Dan, he has trouble with his eyes.

[12:33] His eyes can't see him so well.

[12:35] And this is something that I think we'll talk about

[12:36] as we go further into the story

[12:37] but I have to mention it now so I don't forget.

[12:40] When, if you see like these invincible bruiser guys

[12:44] in armor who are totally joyless

[12:46] and they are just slicing their way through unarmored humans,

[12:50] to me, those are the villains.

[12:52] Like, and maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

[12:53] Maybe I'm supposed, I'm not picking up

[12:55] on the kind of like British kind of like dark humor

[12:58] of this kind of, this Judge Dredd type stuff

[13:00] that I've seen in British comics.

[13:02] But here, it just felt like,

[13:04] I obviously cannot sympathize with these guys

[13:06] because they are never in danger until the very end, I guess.

[13:08] And it's just evil guys mowing their way through

[13:12] people in masks and in Jeeps and Humvees.

[13:15] Yes.

[13:16] Yeah, I think you touch on a thing

[13:19] that the Warhammer intellectual property

[13:22] has kind of struggled with translating outside of the game

[13:27] is that initially, you know, it was very 2000 AD

[13:31] like tongue-in-cheek dark humor.

[13:32] Like there's a dark humor to the,

[13:35] like the grimness of this future for humanity

[13:38] and these effectively like emotional warrior,

[13:41] emotionless warrior monk superhuman soldiers

[13:44] whose act of worship is battle.

[13:47] Like there's something very,

[13:49] there was something very tongue-in-cheek initially,

[13:51] but as time has gone on-

[13:52] And over the top.

[13:53] I feel like in British fantasy science fiction stuff,

[13:55] there's a lot of over the topness

[13:57] where you're supposed to guess.

[13:57] This is so over the top

[13:59] that there's an element of irony to it, yeah.

[14:00] Yes.

[14:01] And, but as time has gone on, that line has blurred.

[14:05] Also, I think translating it to American audiences,

[14:08] which is the largest consumer of Warhammer stuff

[14:11] at this point and Europe.

[14:13] Yeah.

[14:14] And until recently the best country in the world.

[14:17] Yeah.

[14:22] So as time has gone on and they have,

[14:25] like the elements of humor have kind of been shaved off

[14:28] a little bit and it's been flattened out.

[14:31] So it isn't quite as,

[14:33] it isn't intended to be quite as silly

[14:35] as it actually kind of,

[14:37] it is when you step back and look at it as an adult.

[14:39] Yeah.

[14:40] I think the, it reminds me of the, a couple of different,

[14:44] I mean, one is the way that Judge Dredd has been handled.

[14:46] We're like, when you read those British comics to clear,

[14:48] like Judge, this Judge Dredd is not a good thing.

[14:50] Like if any society that has Judge Dredd in it

[14:53] is a failed society, you know,

[14:54] and you're supposed to take that for granted.

[14:56] But if you make a movie of it, it's like,

[14:58] well, of course he's a hero

[14:59] and he's just the toughest cop in the world.

[15:01] And that's why he's so cool.

[15:02] He's the only one who can bring law to the super blocks.

[15:06] Okay.

[15:06] So these space Marine veterans arrived.

[15:08] There's four of them.

[15:09] They're fully equipped in armor.

[15:11] They're carrying massive shields

[15:13] as well as high powered ranged weaponry.

[15:17] And Lieutenant Titus is dragging, has a chain

[15:20] and he is dragging a large sarcophagus along with him.

[15:25] That was the one element that was kind of funny to me

[15:27] that I liked was the idea that

[15:29] they've got to keep dragging this thing

[15:30] no matter what they're doing.

[15:31] And every now and then, just a reminder of like,

[15:33] and they're going to pull this thing behind them.

[15:35] Yeah.

[15:36] Well, it's a sign of like,

[15:36] there's a regular element of space Marine stuff

[15:39] where it's like, there's like an element of duty.

[15:42] Like it's a duty and worship.

[15:44] And they attract the attention of a bunch of humanoid

[15:50] worshipers of the ruinous powers, the gods of chaos,

[15:54] who are, I would argue, the primary antagonist

[15:58] in the Warhammer 40,000 universe.

[16:00] Now, I have told you guys multiple times,

[16:02] so this will really upset me if you don't remember.

[16:04] Can you tell me the names of the four gods of chaos?

[16:08] Of course, sure.

[16:08] There's Olympus, the god of, where'd my keys go?

[16:12] There's Porpoise, the god of the waters.

[16:18] He squeaks a lot, yeah.

[16:19] Yeah, there's Shelfus, the god of the chaos

[16:22] of poorly organized stores.

[16:24] Yeah, of course.

[16:25] Can't find what you're looking for.

[16:26] And there's also Krampus, which is like Krampus,

[16:30] but his hair is crimped.

[16:32] Yep, and Dan, can you name the greater demons

[16:35] of each of those four chaos gods?

[16:37] Well, was Chaos in the Kit Smart?

[16:42] Was that the organization?

[16:43] Yeah, I believe it was, yeah.

[16:44] Yeah, there's, so of course, it's Don Adams.

[16:47] Uh-huh.

[16:48] And there's the powerful greater demon.

[16:49] Barbara Felden, yeah.

[16:50] Yeah, thank you for reminding me who Agent 99 was.

[16:53] I couldn't remember.

[16:54] And of course, Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks.

[16:57] Yeah, yeah, you nailed it.

[16:58] Don't believe Carl Reiner was involved in the show,

[17:00] but Mel Brooks was.

[17:01] I don't think you, and Buck Henry.

[17:02] Buck Henry was the-

[17:03] Maybe I was imagining, maybe I was mixing them up.

[17:06] That was the one where Buck Henry was always like,

[17:07] I created that show, not Mel Brooks.

[17:09] So the, so these-

[17:12] Did we get it right, Sue?

[17:13] You nailed it, no question, no notes.

[17:15] This was another, this confusion.

[17:16] At a certain point, I'm like, okay, they're on this planet.

[17:19] These guys who keep just showing up and to get killed

[17:21] must be their opponents.

[17:23] But the idea that they were worshipers

[17:24] of a chaos god or something, that did not,

[17:27] that didn't come through to me.

[17:29] Yeah, humanoid cultists of the forces of chaos.

[17:31] So they arrive, and they're very Mad Max-y.

[17:34] Yes, yeah, Mad Max-y pad, yeah.

[17:36] And they-

[17:39] That was a short-lived tie-in to the original movie.

[17:42] Yeah, yeah, didn't sell super well.

[17:44] The, so they attack these four space marines.

[17:47] These four space marines are horribly outnumbered.

[17:50] Seems like they're in trouble.

[17:52] No, it doesn't.

[17:53] But what happens, Elliot?

[17:54] They just kill all of them.

[17:55] They just mow their way through these guys.

[17:56] They're chopping them in half.

[17:57] They're blowing them up.

[17:58] They're shooting them with big guns and stuff.

[18:00] Like, motorcycles are ramming into these armored giants

[18:04] only to explode or go flying.

[18:06] I wish I had seen this.

[18:07] This sounds really cool.

[18:08] Their shields are strong enough that like a tank type

[18:11] or some kind of mounted artillery gun is fired at them.

[18:14] And they just, it just bounces off their shield, yeah.

[18:18] Yeah, it's a tank with a, like a heavy gatling weapon.

[18:21] And the shells are bouncing off their shields.

[18:23] There's a lot of chopping people in half

[18:25] or like stabbing a, like a sword

[18:28] straight through somebody's body, impaling them on it.

[18:31] Doesn't someone's head get like just exploded

[18:34] with a headbutt or something like that?

[18:36] I can't remember.

[18:36] Exploded with a headbutt.

[18:37] This guy's head gets crushed

[18:39] under a Space Marines armored gauntlet.

[18:41] Yes, yeah, yeah.

[18:42] And there's a, they're both-

[18:43] It's very bloody.

[18:44] Despite their size, they are very fast

[18:47] and they're very efficient.

[18:48] Not a lot of additional movement.

[18:50] Yes, they're, despite the fact that they're wearing

[18:52] this enormous bulky armor, they move like John Wick.

[18:55] You know, it's just, yeah, no wasted movement.

[18:58] And that is-

[18:59] They're always knowing where they need to be, yeah.

[19:00] I will say that this is fairly accurate

[19:02] to the background and lore.

[19:04] These Space Marines are faster

[19:06] than you would expect, both because of their training,

[19:10] they, as well as the like accentuators and servos

[19:14] in their ceramite powered armor.

[19:17] Yep.

[19:18] But this is, this is one of those where like

[19:20] the violence is very gruesome and over the top,

[19:23] but not so far that it becomes ludicrous.

[19:26] You know, instead, it always looked to me

[19:28] like it was supposed to be cool.

[19:29] And I kind of wish, if it was,

[19:31] they're like mashing people up in their hands

[19:33] by the dozens, you know, or they're like,

[19:35] you run your sword through four guys at the same time.

[19:38] You know, like that, that's the kind of stuff

[19:39] where it might've, for me at least,

[19:40] might've started getting to that level of like,

[19:42] oh, okay, this is tongue in cheek.

[19:43] Or like, I'm not supposed to take this straight.

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:45] The, and then of course, after killing all these guys,

[19:50] the Sergeant hands Titus the chain to the sarcophagus

[19:54] so he has to keep dragging it.

[19:56] Duty is not over.

[19:57] Only, as they say in Warhammer,

[20:00] Only in death does duty end.

[20:02] Duty, D-U-T-Y, not D-O-O-D-Y.

[20:05] I mean, in death, duty also ends.

[20:08] I mean, like, there's one big one at the end.

[20:08] There's that one big one in death.

[20:10] Actually, in death, you get the biggest one yet, yeah.

[20:13] But then, at the end.

[20:14] Is it known as being the biggest one yet?

[20:16] I think it was the biggest one.

[20:18] You're voiding everything at that point, I guess.

[20:21] Well, because that's the uneaten food in your body

[20:23] trying to get out so it can find a new host.

[20:25] So all of it's coming right out, yeah.

[20:27] I've only cleaned up one death turd in my life,

[20:29] and it was not necessarily the largest,

[20:31] but oh boy, howdy, it did not smell good, let me tell you.

[20:33] I'm sure it smelled bad.

[20:34] So, Stuart, you know what the name of your band

[20:36] is gonna be, Death Turd?

[20:40] Yeah, and it's, you know, like a dance pop type situation.

[20:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[20:44] Interesting.

[20:45] You're trying to do what, for America,

[20:47] what K-pop has been doing for the rest of the world,

[20:49] which is just bring fun. I think it'll work.

[20:50] Fun and kind of big emotions, yeah, yeah.

[20:52] Dance routines, yeah.

[20:54] Yeah, a lot of like hand hearts.

[20:57] Yes, yes, but you do hand turds.

[20:59] Hand turds.

[20:59] Kind of more of a poop shape with your hands.

[21:01] Yeah, show me with your hands

[21:04] what your turds look like, Elliot.

[21:05] Yeah, immaculately formed, you know,

[21:09] just what you want them to be.

[21:11] You're a lucky middle-aged man.

[21:15] I said, you're a lucky middle-aged man, then.

[21:17] Yeah, yeah, no, it's one of the things I excel at, yeah.

[21:19] Elliot, high-fiber kaolin.

[21:21] So they-

[21:22] In the grim poop world of the future,

[21:24] only the elites have the best turds, yeah.

[21:27] That's a different chaos god there.

[21:29] So-

[21:30] War Pooper 4000.

[21:31] The space marines then slide down a massive-

[21:34] Wait, War Pooper 40-year-old thousand,

[21:35] that's what it is, yeah?

[21:36] Okay.

[21:38] The space marines then have to slide down

[21:40] what seems to be like a massive chasm.

[21:43] Massive chasm is another great name for a band.

[21:45] It's great, right?

[21:47] The Chasm is a great death metal band.

[21:49] And for a butt.

[21:50] Yeah, for a butt.

[21:51] That's a great name for a butt, sure.

[21:55] Massive Chasm Magazine.

[21:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[21:58] Massive chasms with massive chasms.

[22:03] Guys, why are we in this business?

[22:05] We should be in the proctology,

[22:07] porn-based magazine industry.

[22:09] Which is doing so well right now, Dan.

[22:11] That's crushing.

[22:12] Print is just, you know, killing it.

[22:14] Oh man, oh wow.

[22:19] Do you want to travel this summer,

[22:20] but don't have the time?

[22:22] Want to learn all about state mottos

[22:23] and history without summer school?

[22:25] Or maybe you just love urban legends and Latin?

[22:28] Well, my friends, there's one podcast

[22:29] that ties it all together

[22:30] and celebrates the American state's

[22:32] many-call home, E Pluribus Motto.

[22:34] Every episode, we showcase a different state

[22:36] or commonwealth or district or territory

[22:38] and celebrate its official motto

[22:40] and the absurdity of all its local life.

[22:42] We'll go across the country with stops at Oregon,

[22:45] New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and so many more.

[22:47] Join us, won't you, to take in the sights and sounds.

[22:50] New episodes of E Pluribus Motto

[22:52] every other week on Maximum Fun.

[22:56] What's more action-packed than prestige television?

[22:59] With more continuity than comic books?

[23:02] And more reality than reality television?

[23:05] One, two, three, yeah!

[23:08] It's professional wrestling!

[23:12] This is awesome!

[23:14] This is awesome!

[23:16] And to better understand wrestling

[23:18] is the ultimate form of entertainment,

[23:20] you need the Tights and Fights podcast.

[23:22] This is the perfect wrestling show

[23:24] with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity,

[23:27] and just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandex.

[23:32] Listen to Tights and Fights every Saturday

[23:34] on Maximum Fun.

[23:38] Let's get back to Warhammer, guys.

[23:40] Oh, okay.

[23:42] The Space Marines find themselves

[23:44] in a lightless cavern that has

[23:47] stone-tiled floors.

[23:49] There's no dialogue through all of this.

[23:51] It's entirely visual fighting.

[23:53] There's no talking.

[23:55] Yeah, no communication.

[23:57] The only communication is through,

[23:59] I guess, body movement.

[24:01] And the Space Marines are ambushed

[24:03] by a squad of mutant creatures.

[24:08] Can you describe these creatures?

[24:10] I'm not going to ask Dan because he couldn't see it.

[24:12] Kelly, can you describe them?

[24:14] I was playing with you when you said lightless cavern.

[24:16] I'm like, oh, that was different from before.

[24:18] Were there more than one of these?

[24:20] They got ambushed by a group of

[24:23] bird-like mutants,

[24:25] known in lore as Zangor,

[24:29] as they are worshippers of

[24:31] the chaos god, Zinch,

[24:33] the trickster lord of deceit.

[24:35] And that's where the Space Marines

[24:37] slaughter them, and their blood

[24:39] or ichor splatters everywhere

[24:41] in a neon blue.

[24:43] Oh, that's right.

[24:44] Because you know what?

[24:45] I totally forgot this part.

[24:47] I thought about it afterwards

[24:49] and the Space Marines seem to have met their match.

[24:51] That's what I was thinking.

[24:52] I don't even remember these characters at all.

[24:54] I apologize.

[24:55] That's fine.

[24:56] The Space Marines dispatch these foes again,

[24:58] pretty handily,

[25:00] and they make it to this large,

[25:02] almost cathedral-like structure,

[25:04] deep underground, it seems.

[25:06] There's a huge statue inside of it.

[25:08] There's a huge statue.

[25:10] This is clearly their target.

[25:12] Upon arrival, before they

[25:14] try to destroy the statue,

[25:16] they finally open up this sarcophagus.

[25:18] Can you describe what's inside, Elliot?

[25:20] Inside, there's just a dude.

[25:22] There's a monk dude, and he's gonna

[25:24] murmur some prayers

[25:26] in order to create a shield for them,

[25:28] a kind of force field barrier for them,

[25:30] to protect them against the unholy power

[25:32] of this chaos statue.

[25:34] Is this a non-moving shield?

[25:36] Is it?

[25:38] Yeah, because why does it have to

[25:40] wait until this point?

[25:42] Pull them out of the...

[25:44] This is when they're, I assume,

[25:46] it's a spiritual shield.

[25:48] This is to protect them

[25:50] from the occult powers

[25:52] rather than from the

[25:54] guys on trucks with guns,

[25:56] which they are totally good at.

[25:58] I'm wondering why he has to be dragged in a sarcophagus.

[26:00] Because it's cool, Dan,

[26:02] but also to protect him.

[26:04] Well, obviously to protect him,

[26:06] but if he had shield powers,

[26:08] I'm saying, couldn't he just...

[26:10] His shield power is only for the mystical properties,

[26:12] which is how he gets killed so easily.

[26:14] This is a sanctioned psyker

[26:16] in the Warhammer

[26:18] 40,000 universe.

[26:20] There are humans and other

[26:22] races that are

[26:24] blessed by being touched by the

[26:26] warp, so they have access to

[26:28] psychic abilities.

[26:30] Are his eyes covered?

[26:32] Yes, he has a steel

[26:34] covering over his eyes.

[26:36] He reminds me a lot of the character,

[26:38] I think his name is Eggplant Man from Akira

[26:40] from the comic books.

[26:42] He has an eye drawn on his forehead

[26:44] and he's the guy who's always like,

[26:46] I can see over there, they're over there.

[26:48] Similarly, he has psychic powers.

[26:50] There's this

[26:52] element of techno-arcane

[26:54] type machinery.

[26:56] As he is chanting

[26:58] an imperial prayer,

[27:00] it creates a shield around

[27:02] them and the space marines begin attacking

[27:04] this massive statue.

[27:06] The statue has a defense mechanism.

[27:08] It releases a mutated

[27:10] chaos demon

[27:12] sorcerer character that flits

[27:14] about on these bone wings

[27:16] and it uses its powers

[27:18] to conjure up

[27:20] this spear of

[27:22] dark energy that

[27:24] it rams through the psyker

[27:26] and then gives

[27:28] that shield

[27:30] is gone and it then is able to use

[27:32] its massive power to

[27:34] stop time and attack

[27:36] the space marines one by one.

[27:38] Its face

[27:40] unfolds to reveal

[27:42] this eye and then it's getting

[27:44] into their minds

[27:46] and destroying them psychically.

[27:48] Its face unfolds

[27:50] to this singular

[27:52] massive eye with a pupil

[27:54] split down the center

[27:56] and then that opens again

[27:58] to form a weird mouth.

[28:00] What do you think of the design of that?

[28:02] That's undeniably cool.

[28:04] This whole character is super cool.

[28:06] I don't love the bone wings too much

[28:08] and the way he struts over.

[28:10] I feel like

[28:12] this is one of those worlds where every character is always

[28:14] strutting like, I'm super tough.

[28:16] I get my fill of that.

[28:18] This is a great monster design.

[28:20] I love any monster that has no eyes

[28:22] but then its face opens up and there's an eye

[28:24] and the eye opens up for a mouth with teeth in it.

[28:26] Extra eyes, extra mouth.

[28:28] Dan, you love this stuff.

[28:30] You could do a montage of the

[28:32] dubious and confused looks.

[28:34] I am.

[28:36] I kind of re-watched

[28:38] this thing I guess on

[28:40] the TV this time.

[28:42] I thought it was

[28:44] absolutely madness

[28:46] how little I could see.

[28:48] It is the madness of the

[28:50] far future when there's only war.

[28:52] A reason

[28:54] that I wish I could get onto the

[28:56] Warhammer wavelength a little more is

[28:58] I do like a lot of their monster designs.

[29:00] They have great monster and creature designs

[29:02] and this one looks really cool.

[29:04] It's cool that finally the Ultramarines

[29:06] or whatever they're called.

[29:08] Yes, they are Ultramarines.

[29:10] Sons of Ultramar.

[29:12] Scions.

[29:14] Seemingly met their match.

[29:16] They're primal.

[29:18] You could just be making it up.

[29:20] It's possible.

[29:22] Finally, something can hurt them

[29:24] because it's not trying to hurt them physically

[29:26] but psychically.

[29:28] Their strength

[29:30] of arms is of no use

[29:32] as this sorcerer is able

[29:34] to get into their minds.

[29:36] One by one it is picking them out

[29:38] and taking them into this

[29:40] mental vortex where they

[29:42] are forced to face their darkest

[29:44] fears or shortcomings.

[29:46] One by one they are collapsing

[29:48] until it finally

[29:50] takes out the sergeant.

[29:52] The sergeant's fear in this case is that

[29:54] he has not trained his

[29:56] that somewhere in the process

[29:58] his

[30:00] his protege, Titus, will be turned to chaos.

[30:03] And in that vision, that's what defeats him.

[30:06] So the Sargent collapses.

[30:07] And I have to admit, I have to admit I did not understand any of that when I was watching

[30:09] it.

[30:10] I didn't quite follow what was going on.

[30:11] But I knew it was something bad.

[30:14] The sorcerer then attempts the same maneuver on Titus, but we realize Titus was the youth

[30:19] in the beginning who has never known fear.

[30:22] And so this sorcerer's psychic attack is worthless.

[30:27] Then the illusion he has created is shattered as Titus destroys his staff and then cuts

[30:33] him right down the middle, splitting him in half.

[30:36] The kind of thing that you wonder why none of the Marines did.

[30:40] I guess time was stopped.

[30:41] That's why.

[30:42] Because I was like, why didn't Titus do this when he was attacking all the others?

[30:47] Like he could have just walked up to him and killed him.

[30:49] I guess time was stopped is what you're saying.

[30:51] I don't think I fully understood that.

[30:53] So the mission has been completed.

[30:56] They knew that it was going to be a suicide mission.

[31:01] Their efforts has drawn the attention of what appears to be a massive army of chaos cultists.

[31:06] Titus drags his sergeant out of the temple and the sergeant's like, our job's done here.

[31:12] And Titus is like, no, no, no.

[31:14] And he runs off to fight this massive army of chaos cultists seemingly by himself.

[31:19] And knowing that he is in the video game, he's going to survive, guys.

[31:24] Unless this takes place after the video game.

[31:26] Unless this takes place after, yeah, unless there's going to be a third Space Marine game

[31:31] where you play Titus, in which case it would have to take place after that.

[31:35] Yeah.

[31:36] So, guys, that was our trip through Warhammer 40,000.

[31:40] Do you feel like you know more about Warhammer now than you did before?

[31:45] I feel like every time you say anything new about Warhammer, like I understand less, like

[31:52] a piece of my brain falls out of my ear every time this happens.

[31:59] It's just certain things in this world were not meant for me to the degree that, like,

[32:04] my body rejects them.

[32:07] Elliot?

[32:08] I don't know if I necessarily understand more about Warhammer, but I guess now I know there's

[32:14] like characters.

[32:15] There are characters.

[32:16] There's like named characters.

[32:18] It's not just like Grimmelmob, the Grimmelmob, the defenestrator or stuff like that, you

[32:24] know?

[32:25] Yeah, I feel like it would be good for the USA Network because characters are welcome

[32:30] in Warhammer.

[32:31] I mean, they've been trying to make a Warhammer show for a long time.

[32:33] They made a deal with Amazon, yeah.

[32:37] So you know that there's a little bit of background in characters now.

[32:43] Having seen this episode, how inclined are you to look up more Warhammer content?

[32:51] I mean, I guess I'm inclined to, again, go back and try and watch this again to see how

[32:59] different it looks.

[33:00] I feel like, Dan, you need to go back and watch it again, and then if it still looks

[33:03] the same, I think you need to see your optometrist.

[33:05] Probably.

[33:06] That's true, yeah.

[33:08] I am not particularly inclined.

[33:10] Again, I found as much as I like the idea of the grimdark world of the future, actually

[33:17] spending time in that world, I find a little, not for me, a little unpleasant, you know?

[33:23] I think maybe if I lived in a real world that felt less grim, I would be able to take more

[33:28] joy in being in an over-the-top, depressing kind of like dark world of war, you know?

[33:34] Who, at the beginning of this, said that I have a switch mostly to keep up with the further

[33:38] adventures of Mario.

[33:39] I like happy light, clearly.

[33:42] Yeah, I mean, I think all these things are fair.

[33:47] And I think it hurts, and this shouldn't hurt my enjoyment of it, but it does hurt my enjoyment

[33:52] of it, knowing that there are fans out there who are not engaging with it on an ironic

[33:56] level, but think that when they're watching this show, they're like, yeah, fuck yeah,

[34:01] look at them, you know, just slice their way through those guys, shit, oh, they're so tough,

[34:05] man, oh, they don't know, he doesn't know fear, oh god, yeah, that's awesome.

[34:10] It hurts me to know that there's people watching it who are just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you

[34:14] know?

[34:15] Yeah, but does that affect your opinion of other things that are just taken on the most

[34:20] surface of values, like the legions of people who watch Fight Club and they're like, yeah,

[34:26] I should start a fucking Fight Club.

[34:28] I mean, it does, honestly.

[34:29] I think the difference is, like, I do have that, Fight Club in particular, I have that

[34:33] issue with, but I think there are certain things that I got into at a young enough age

[34:38] or early enough that I was able, like Star Wars, for instance, like I don't love a lot

[34:42] of Star Wars fans, but I got into it on my own terms, and I feel like now it's Warhammer,

[34:47] I know too much about some of the fan base to get into it just on my own terms and not

[34:52] think about that, but that's on me, that's on me, that's not on the work itself, you

[34:56] know?

[34:57] Okay, and then before we wrap up, I have a question from listeners, this is often asked,

[35:04] but I think it's very fitting with the upcoming release of the new edition of the Horus Heresy

[35:12] Warhammer 30K game, where you get to play out 30K, 10,000 years before the events of

[35:19] Warhammer 40,000.

[35:21] So this is all the Warhammer characters when they were babies.

[35:24] This is the age, in a way, this is the Age of Darkness, where the Space Marine legions

[35:29] engaged in a massive civil war that nearly tore the universe apart.

[35:34] Wow.

[35:35] My question, the question that they want to know is, guys, which of the 20 Space Marine

[35:40] legions are you going to pick up and play for Warhammer 30,000, and why?

[35:46] Probably the Baseball Furies.

[35:49] Baseball Furies, that's actually a pretty good one, I was gonna think that that was

[35:53] your choice.

[35:54] Is it because you like their Primark the most?

[35:57] What was the name of the Primark again of the Baseball Furies?

[35:59] That store that has the t-shirts in it?

[36:01] Yeah.

[36:02] Huh?

[36:03] Love it.

[36:04] Why Baseball Furies, Dan?

[36:06] Uh, you know, they just got some Elan, some style, some verve, a lot of beef.

[36:15] Okay, and that's, the Baseball Furies are firmly on the side of chaos under a Warmaster

[36:20] Horus fighting against the God Emperor of Mankind.

[36:25] Which Space Marine legion are you going to pick?

[36:28] I guess I'm gonna have to go with the Kushkins.

[36:30] They're Kushballs with faces and hands, and there's just the one that's the two eyes on

[36:34] socks.

[36:35] Clearly super soldiers, yeah.

[36:36] Yeah, exactly.

[36:37] They're, I guess, genetically manipulated humans or humanoids that have become kind of like

[36:42] fuzzy ball shapes, and I think they bounce around, and I think that'll be a fun power

[36:47] to play with.

[36:48] Oh, they're kind of like the Madballs.

[36:49] Yes, they're very like Madballs, yeah.

[36:52] Unfortunately, their mutation singled them out as being tainted by the Warp, and it was

[36:56] a horrible what happened to their home planet at the hands of, it seems like the Imperial

[37:01] Fists wiped out their home planet.

[37:03] Yeah, yeah, they destroyed Kushworld, yeah.

[37:04] The Fistons of Rogaldorn, always the hardline imperialists.

[37:08] Well, that's good to know.

[37:10] I think that's, I hope that answers our listeners' questions.

[37:13] Of course, I am the most duplicitous and dubious of the Flopsters, so that would mean I'm playing

[37:19] Alpha Legion, baby, Alpharius and Omegon, twin Primarchs, uh-oh, that's why I'm doing

[37:25] it, because I like two Primarchs for the price of one.

[37:28] Wait, but what is the, so what is the difference between two Primarchs or one Primarch?

[37:31] There's more of them?

[37:33] Yeah, basically.

[37:34] Double Primarchs.

[37:35] There is a smaller.

[37:36] Okay.

[37:37] See, the Alpha Legion Primarchs are smaller, so they can kind of blend in with the rest

[37:41] of their Legion, because the Alpha Legion, they're being tricksters, they all, the true

[37:46] identity of who their Primarch is, Alpharius, is shrouded in mystery, uh-oh, I like a mystery.

[37:53] But that's for the next time, when I do an entire mini, where I explain the Alpha Legion

[37:57] to my two friends.

[37:58] Wow.

[37:59] Okay, so this was, Stuart explained, Stuart, as his role of the Loremaster, tries to share

[38:05] one of his many passions with Dan and Elliot, to, let's say, mixed results.

[38:10] But I enjoy your enthusiasm.

[38:13] Thank you.

[38:14] What's important is encourage people's enthusiasm, as long as nobody's getting hurt.

[38:18] Yeah.

[38:19] Yeah.

[38:20] This is a mini-episode of the Flophouse podcast.

[38:24] Full episodes are every other week, where we watch a bad movie and talk about it.

[38:28] This episode is produced by Alexander Smith, who goes by HowlDotty on the internet.

[38:33] You should check him out.

[38:34] He does all kinds of great things on Twitch, Bandcamp, et cetera.

[38:39] For the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[38:41] I've been Dan McCoy.

[38:43] I'm Alpha Primartorious Elliot Kaelin.

[38:47] Oh, full title, I love it, okay.

[38:51] Bye.

[38:52] Maximum fun.

[38:53] A worker-owned network.

[38:54] Of artist-owned shows.

[38:55] Supported.

[38:56] Directly.

FH Mini 132 - Stu Brings Down the Hammer

Transcript

Description