Ep. #280 - Peppermint

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Peppermint.

[0:03] Starring in Head Over Heels, only on Broadway.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] Oh hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:40] And over here, it's Elliot Kalin, a guy who occasionally yawns, which Dan McCoy takes to me.

[0:45] And hold the phone, everybody. The world has to stop while Elliot is yawning.

[0:49] Well, you know what, folks? Sometimes I yawn, and sometimes people can just keep moving and working my yawning.

[0:55] Dan, what do you think about that?

Stuart Wellington

[0:56] Elliot's peeling back the shell of this oyster right now.

[0:59] Showing people the sticky goodness that makes the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:02] Referring to a thing that happened before the podcast started, which was me pausing to start the podcast to allow him to yawn.

[1:09] Which, you know, seems to me to be a reasonable thing for a broadcaster to try and do, but...

[1:15] Nope.

[1:15] Elliot's like, no, we gotta get this show on the road.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19] Dan, might I remind you that one of the most successful recording artists in adult contemporary history was Yanni?

[1:24] A man who, live at the Acropolis, yawned through his entire act.

[1:29] Hence the name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30] Alright.

[1:31] Guys, I just suggested that oysters are sticky.

[1:34] Do you think I'm smearing them with an unfair label, or...?

Elliott Kalan

[1:37] I think, considering I've eaten many oysters and I've never had a sticky one, yeah, it's a little inaccurate.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40] Or maybe I'm just revealing that I'm not a real oyster freak, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:45] You also said something about peeling back the shell, which is not really how the shells of oysters work either.

[1:50] You gotta pry that thing open.

[1:51] It's not like a sardine can.

Dan McCoy

[1:53] Yeah, oysters are kinda known for just sort of sliding down the throat.

[1:57] If they're sticky, you would be choking.

[2:00] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01] An oyster, let's just, to put it in the most palatable terms, this is the way I described oysters to my son.

[2:06] An oyster is kind of like a big piece of snot that you just gulp on down.

[2:10] Uh-huh.

[2:10] And it's delicious, and there's kind of like a briny aftertaste, because it's of the sea.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Oh, wow.

[2:15] So you're working on your Yelp review for oysters right now?

[2:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] Thumbs up, like a big piece of snot.

[2:23] I say, hey, remember that scene in Indiana Jones?

[2:24] It's not a thumb system.

[2:26] That scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where they eat a monkey's brain?

[2:29] Uh-huh.

[2:30] This is like that if it was a sea monkey's brain.

[2:32] Uh-huh.

[2:32] Oysters, won't you?

Dan McCoy

[2:33] Okay, well, now that we've put our best foot forward, let's ask for money.

[2:37] Because-

[2:38] What?

[2:38] Right now, it's the most wonderful time of the MaxFun year.

[2:42] MaxFunDrive.

[2:44] A time when we come to you hat in hand and say, hey, pay us, won't you?

[2:50] P-p-p-please?

[2:51] Yeah.

[2:52] Please, sir, can we have some more?

[2:54] Mm-hmm.

[2:55] Because, look, this place doesn't run on nothing.

[3:00] That's true.

[3:01] I mean, it mostly runs on love.

[3:02] Runs on Duncan, right?

[3:03] Uh-huh.

[3:03] Oh, and love.

[3:04] Love and Duncan, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:05] I think America runs on Duncan.

[3:07] I like.

[3:08] And this is an American podcast, correct?

[3:11] I guess you're right, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] But, Dan, we also run on money, as you say.

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:14] Stuart, do you have something you wanted to say about money?

[3:16] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[3:17] Yeah, so just first off, we mentioned it's the MaxFunDrive.

[3:21] That's going to start on Monday.

Dan McCoy

[3:23] No, incorrect.

[3:25] Oh, shit.

[3:26] This is right in the middle of it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:28] Oh, wow.

[3:28] Okay.

[3:29] My big mistake.

[3:31] It's already started.

[3:32] Dan just corrected me.

[3:34] Or perhaps he misled me with earlier information.

[3:37] We'll find out.

Dan McCoy

[3:37] Perhaps you didn't pay attention the way that you could have.

Stuart Wellington

[3:40] No, that seems very unlike me.

[3:43] Maybe we could redirect it to MaxFunDrive.

Elliott Kalan

[3:45] Now, MaxFunDrive is the time of year when we ask you, the listener, to help support us,

[3:50] the creator.

[3:51] Because, as Dan said, it takes money to make this show.

[3:53] And it takes money to live a life in this world.

[3:56] We don't yet have the socialist paradise we're all hoping for with the universal basic income

[3:59] and everything.

[4:00] So let's work together.

[4:02] And by that, I mean you give us money.

[4:04] You do the part that you should do by giving us money.

[4:07] You don't have to give us all your money.

[4:09] That would be crazy.

[4:09] That would be insane.

[4:10] I don't want you to do that.

[4:11] But to give us the reasonable amount you think that you can provide to us, maybe as a one-time

[4:15] donor, but we'd love it.

[4:16] You could be a monthly donor.

[4:18] Stuart, tell us more about it, won't you?

Stuart Wellington

[4:20] Yeah.

[4:22] It's important for us because, obviously, we're all, you know, you're directly supporting

[4:27] us.

[4:27] But also, we're all MaxFun supporters ourselves.

[4:31] I think we were all supporters even before we joined the network.

[4:35] And at least for me, I'm a big fan of the way that MaxFun provides a model where you have

[4:42] the option to, obviously, our content remains free.

[4:47] But a big part of it, the reason it's able to remain free is that we have a donor-supporting,

[4:54] a listener-supported model where you're able to provide, you're able to support the things

[5:01] that you like with money, I guess.

[5:03] I did this very poorly.

[5:05] And I went all over the place.

[5:07] Dan, back me up.

Dan McCoy

[5:10] On what?

[5:10] What are we talking about now?

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] Which part of the ask is this?

[5:15] Okay.

[5:16] So, Dan, would you say that supporting MaxFun shows like you do, like I do, like Stuart does,

[5:21] it helps give us a sense of both belonging and ownership, in a sense, over what we listen

[5:26] to and a place in the MaxFun community that really feels like solid, like we're supporting

[5:31] the people who give us so much to enjoy?

Dan McCoy

[5:33] Yeah.

[5:34] I mean, like, look, I'm a listener to these shows as well as being a part of the MaxFun

[5:40] quote-unquote family.

[5:43] And I say that because, Jesse, you're not my real dad and you never will be.

Elliott Kalan

[5:49] But he is dating your mom.

Dan McCoy

[5:51] Well, I'm a little uncomfortable with that since my parents are still together after.

[5:55] Yeah, but they have an open relationship, right?

[5:57] I'm not so sure, but anyway, the point is.

Elliott Kalan

[6:00] But there's a chance.

Stuart Wellington

[6:02] Yeah, he's leaving a crack.

[6:03] He cried it open.

[6:04] He's cracking that door open.

Elliott Kalan

[6:06] Yeah, I peeled back that shell a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[6:08] No, the point, what was I saying?

[6:09] Oh, I'm a listener.

[6:10] I like all of the shows.

[6:12] I mean, almost all of them.

[6:12] You feel like a part of the MaxFun.

[6:13] You know who you are.

Elliott Kalan

[6:14] You feel like a part of the MaxFun family.

[6:16] I do.

Dan McCoy

[6:17] And I like, look, here, I've said this in previous drives.

[6:20] I'll say it again.

[6:22] For me, podcasts are one of my primary forms of entertainment these days.

[6:27] I listen to them on the subway going to work.

[6:31] I listen to them when around the house doing chores.

[6:34] There are frequent times when I'm like, oh, do I want to watch any of these television

[6:39] shows I've recorded on my DVR?

[6:41] You know what?

[6:41] I don't actually.

[6:42] I want to have something vaguely on in the background while I listen to a podcast because

[6:47] I need two things happening at once to distract myself because I'm a modern person who has

[6:51] no attention span.

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] TMI, Dan.

[6:54] You're veering off course.

Dan McCoy

[6:55] The important thing is that I like podcasts.

[6:58] And podcasts are kind of my major source of entertainment these days.

[7:04] And I pay for things like, I don't know, Hulu, which I barely watch.

[7:08] I have around just in case I miss a television show once and I'm like, I want to go back

[7:13] and check it out.

[7:14] And that's like $7 or $8 a month that I'm spending.

[7:18] Why not throw that money over to a podcast instead?

[7:21] Something that engages me directly, that I care about, that I have a very strong emotional

[7:25] connection to.

[7:27] Support that.

[7:29] That's what I would have to say.

Stuart Wellington

[7:30] Yeah, that's a much better version of what I was trying to say, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[7:33] So it sounds like what you guys are saying is it would be worth it for people to become

[7:37] members of Maximum Fun and donate at this year's Maximum Fun Drive.

[7:41] Now, Maximum Fun has a goal.

[7:43] And that goal is 25,000 new and upgrading members.

[7:46] This is not a crazy goal.

[7:48] They have reached huge goals in the past.

[7:50] It's why Stuart did a podcast at the Grand Canyon.

[7:53] Oh yeah, I did that, didn't I?

[7:55] That was pretty crazy.

[7:56] That was incredibly crazy, yeah.

[7:57] So you have your chance to become a member just like them, or if you're already a member,

[8:01] to upgrade your membership.

[8:02] When you upgrade, you get special gifts.

[8:04] We'll talk about those later in the show.

[8:06] Stay tuned to hear what the gifts are.

[8:08] But you could go as little as $5.

[8:10] You go as much as $200.

[8:11] Most people, it seems, go in the $10 to $20 to $35 range per month.

[8:15] And once again, pay what you have, what you can afford to.

[8:18] We're not asking you to go into Hawk for this.

[8:20] But here's how you do it.

[8:21] You go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[8:24] And that's a website.

[8:26] It's not like a building called MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[8:29] Let's go on your web browser and do that.

[8:31] I should have made that clear, and I apologize that I didn't.

[8:34] And you just select the membership level that you feel is worth it to you, the membership

[8:38] level you can afford.

[8:39] Again, we don't want you to get into trouble.

[8:41] And the membership level that you feel best reflects your love of MaximumFun, I guess.

[8:45] You know, as a parent, I try not to peg my love of my children to the money that I give

[8:50] them, but it's kind of hard not to in the world we live in.

[8:52] You'll give your credit card information and some very basic information like which MaxFun

[8:57] shows you listen to.

[8:59] And that tells MaxFun who to give the money to, basically.

[9:02] So don't feel like MaxFun is like trying to spy on your listening habits.

[9:06] It's that they know it.

[9:07] You don't want your money going to some podcast you don't listen to.

[9:09] You want it to go to the love podcast you do listen to.

[9:11] But really, they're all good ones.

[9:12] And then that's it.

[9:13] You just go to that website, MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[9:16] Choose your membership level.

[9:17] Put in your payment information and tell them what shows you listen to.

[9:20] And you're a member.

[9:21] And your membership contribution is ongoing.

[9:23] It'll process automatically every month.

[9:26] You don't have to do anything unless you decide to cancel at some point or your credit

[9:29] card expires, in which case you'll have to put in a new card number.

[9:32] But it's super easy.

[9:34] We've all done it.

[9:34] And as you can tell from most of this episode, we're morons.

[9:37] And we were able to figure it out.

Dan McCoy

[9:40] Our circular rambling conversations.

[9:43] You can tell that if we can get our act together to go to this website, then you

[9:47] can too.

[9:48] Yeah.

[9:49] I mean.

[9:49] So it's your chance.

[9:50] Oh, sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[9:50] You're going to say it's your turn.

[9:50] I was just going to describe my brain as a booze-soaked piece of bread at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] That's delicious.

[9:57] It does sound delicious.

[9:59] Yeah.

[10:00] I mean.

[10:00] And so you could do it right now.

[10:02] Like, we'll wait for you.

[10:03] I mean, you can also pause the podcast and do it right now.

[10:05] But I find that with this stuff, I put it on a to-do list.

[10:08] I never get around to it.

[10:09] Better to do it right now while it's in your brain.

[10:11] So while you go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and become a MaxFun member, and we'll give

[10:15] you other chances during this episode.

[10:17] Dan and I and Stuart will talk about something you don't want to hear about so that you don't

[10:22] feel like you're missing anything.

[10:23] So guys, let me tell you about changing a diaper this morning.

[10:27] Okay.

[10:28] Oh boy.

Stuart Wellington

[10:29] And the weird thing was, it was on yourself.

Elliott Kalan

[10:34] Maybe we shouldn't tell this story, actually, now that I think about it.

[10:37] Well, we'll be back with more MaxFunDrive later in the episode.

[10:41] Your chance to make a difference in the lives of some lucky Maximum Fun podcast creator.

[10:46] What do we do next on this podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[10:48] Well, the next thing we do on this podcast is the main thing that we do on this podcast.

[10:52] The meat of it, if you will.

[10:54] Which part of it?

[10:54] Unless you're a vegan, in which case you don't like me referring to the main thing as meat.

[10:59] Then I guess it's like a cauliflower steak or something.

[11:01] Yeah, let's call it the chickpea of the podcast.

[11:03] Yeah, the vegetables of the podcast.

[11:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:05] In England, they would call it the mains.

[11:08] No, that's good.

[11:09] With an S at the end of the podcast.

[11:10] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] The entree.

[11:13] Okay, cool.

[11:14] Stuart's getting frustrated.

[11:16] I love it.

[11:18] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[11:21] And this time around, we watch the Jennifer Garner revenge movie, Peppermint.

[11:27] Peppermint.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] Yeah, and let's just get into that, guys.

[11:33] Based on my earlier performance, you're probably quaking when I say,

[11:35] I'm going to take the wheel.

[11:38] Nah.

[11:39] Yeah.

[11:39] Well, you're on this train.

[11:41] You're trapped with me, the conductor, Stuart Wellington.

[11:45] Peppermint.

[11:45] We open with...

Elliott Kalan

[11:47] Stuart Wellington summarizing joint.

Stuart Wellington

[11:51] We open on multiple production logos, including a couple that I do not recognize at all.

Dan McCoy

[12:00] We open on...

Stuart Wellington

[12:02] This is going to be very detailed, I suppose.

[12:05] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[12:05] We open on a nighttime scene over the city of Los Angeles, I'm assuming, and a car is rocking

[12:14] in the parking lot, and you're like, oh, is this an R-rated movie?

[12:20] It is an R-rated movie.

[12:23] But we get a little bit of a twist-em-up because there is no couple in there, you know, sharing

[12:31] romantic affections.

[12:32] No, no, no.

[12:34] It is...

[12:34] Very gentle.

[12:35] Very gently.

[12:36] It is...

[12:37] No, no, no.

[12:38] It is Jennifer Garner stabbing a dude with a knife.

[12:43] And she's like, remember me or something?

[12:45] And then tosses...

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] What does this dude look like?

[12:48] Does he look like an accountant?

[12:50] Is he a police officer?

[12:51] Paint us a word picture about this dude, because we'll be seeing a lot of dudes like this dude.

Stuart Wellington

[12:54] He looks like a...

[12:56] Kind of the...

[12:57] You're like cliched image of a...

[12:59] Like a Mexican gangster.

[13:01] You know, face tattoos in old English script.

[13:06] A...

[13:07] Mm-hmm.

[13:07] Most...

[13:07] I think a plaid shirt that's just buttoned at the top.

[13:10] That sort of thing, right?

[13:11] And probably a bandana.

[13:13] He looks like a police album under his arm.

[13:15] So she stabs this dude and tosses him in the very large trunk of the car she was driving.

[13:21] And then we get...

[13:23] Then we get some cool-ass credits, right?

[13:27] Yeah, we see the city of Los Angeles in, like, jerky stop-start, fast-forward motion.

Dan McCoy

[13:34] Yeah, like the shutters having a problem.

[13:36] Uh-huh.

[13:36] Which is weird, because cameras don't have shutters anymore, but...

Stuart Wellington

[13:39] And it's all tied...

[13:41] It's all wrapped up in a neat bow of some cool-ass, hard-rockin' tunes.

Elliott Kalan

[13:46] And a lot of footage of homeless people on L.A.'s Skid Row.

[13:49] Now, I do want to say one thing earlier, that the reason I wanted to emphasize what that tough guy looks like

[13:54] is that the bad guys in this movie have walked straight out of a, like, build-the-wall commercial.

[14:00] So get used to it.

[14:01] When Stuart says, your idea of a Mexican gangster, he's not being racist.

[14:06] The movie's being racist.

[14:07] So let's continue.

Dan McCoy

[14:08] Oh, there'll be a lot about how racist this movie is, but we'll get to it.

Stuart Wellington

[14:13] So, yeah, we then get a title card five years later, or five years earlier.

[14:19] Not five years later.

[14:20] That would be crazy.

[14:21] The world will be a blasted hellscape with Robocops battling predators all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[14:27] We briefly see Jennifer Garner giving herself some Old West Frontier First Aid, some Pioneer Medicine,

[14:33] in her battle van, where she's using duct tape and staples to close her own wounds.

Stuart Wellington

[14:37] Uh-huh.

[14:38] Yeah, and she just walks through this.

[14:40] And, like, this tent city, this Skid Row, as they refer to it later, feels a little bit like,

[14:45] I don't know, like, it feels like something out of, like, an 80s movie, the way that, like, 80s or, like, 90s movies might portray any neighborhood in New York City.

[14:54] Like, it kind of reminds me of when Arnold Schwarzenegger jumps out of the movie screen in Last Action Hero and is walking around New York,

[15:01] and there's, like, guys getting killed for shoes and stuff.

[15:04] Did you guys have that feeling?

Elliott Kalan

[15:05] Yeah, I mean, the thing is, Skid Row is, like, a real major neighborhood in Los Angeles that is majority homeless population.

[15:14] I mean, it is the major homeless encampment in L.A. where homelessness is a serious problem.

[15:18] There are a lot of people who cannot afford basic housing and basic medical care, basic education, anything like that.

[15:25] So it is, like, a real tent city like that.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] Okay, so I'm just being incredibly insensitive and uninformed.

Elliott Kalan

[15:31] No, no, but in the movie, they do danger it up quite a bit.

[15:34] Yeah.

[15:34] And it seems the movie's version of Skid Row, okay, so the movie's version of L.A., here are the people who live in L.A.

[15:40] There are suburban families, there are gangbangers from south of the border, and there are homeless children just looking for saviors.

[15:48] And there are also, like, cops, and that's everybody who lives in Los Angeles, is either a suburban mom, a gangbanger, a homeless kid, or a cop.

[15:57] Yeah.

[15:57] And so, like, this seems to, it's kind of like the Beyond Thunderdome version of Skid Row, where it's just, like, a lot of children wandering around and stuff like that.

[16:06] But Skid Row, it is a real place and a real problem.

Dan McCoy

[16:10] Now, when they named it Skid Row, did they think possibly that they shouldn't have named it Skid Row because then it would become Skid Row?

Elliott Kalan

[16:17] Well, they named it after the band.

Dan McCoy

[16:19] Oh, okay, I get you.

[16:20] Yeah.

[16:20] Because it was filled with youth gone wild.

[16:22] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] I don't know.

[16:23] Yeah, exactly.

[16:24] As seen in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[16:25] All doing the rattlesnake shake.

[16:27] So, yeah, we flashback.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] No, wait, is the rattlesnake shake what McDonald's serves when they don't have the shamrock shake on the menu?

Stuart Wellington

[16:35] They grab a rattlesnake out of their rattlesnake tub.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:38] They start milking that venom, right?

Dan McCoy

[16:40] They're like, you're shaking.

[16:41] They give it to you.

[16:42] They say, we advise you to throw this away immediately.

[16:45] Do not drink it.

Stuart Wellington

[16:47] Or throw it into the face of your enemies if they're lactose intolerant.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] It's like when they stopped serving the McRib and they started serving the McShiv, which has a blade that pops out once you bite into it.

[16:59] Very dangerous.

Stuart Wellington

[17:00] Like that pair of boots I was Googling on the internet for possible purchase.

Elliott Kalan

[17:07] Wait, in case you met a crocodile Dundee or something?

[17:09] Yeah.

[17:10] Or in case I had to like...

Stuart Wellington

[17:11] In case I was wanting to make an audition tape for me to play the tarantula in the next Spider-Man movie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:19] I would love it if that was their next thought.

[17:21] They're like, what villain should we go to next?

[17:24] Tarantula, of course.

[17:26] But you could also use that to climb up walls, right?

[17:28] You just like stick the blade into the side of a brick building or something?

Stuart Wellington

[17:31] Oh, yeah.

[17:31] I mean, I've been watching a lot of The Rock's Titan Games television show.

[17:35] And one of their key obstacles is like a fake brick wall where you have to punch through the drywall to climb up it.

[17:43] You have to make your own holes.

[17:44] It's pretty cool.

Elliott Kalan

[17:47] Usable skills.

[17:48] Okay, so five years earlier.

Stuart Wellington

[17:49] Five years earlier.

[17:51] And we see our hero, Jennifer Garner, playing the character Riley North.

[17:55] Which is odd that the woman whose last name is North is fighting Mexican people.

[18:00] That feels racist.

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] Oh, yeah.

[18:03] This movie is subtle.

[18:05] It's all the subtlety of a political cartoon where everyone has big labels drawn on them to explain what they're doing.

Stuart Wellington

[18:10] Yeah.

[18:11] And yeah, I don't want to get into that.

[18:15] So Jennifer Garner is now...

[18:18] Back then, she was like a soccer mom type.

[18:22] She is hanging out with her daughter selling Girl Scout cookies.

[18:25] She has a brief encounter with a rival Girl Scout cookie mom who is clearly the like Queen Bee type.

[18:33] They argue quite a bit.

[18:35] We find out that it's her daughter's birthday, which is...

[18:38] That's a weird way to spend your birthday, being forced to sell cookies.

[18:41] But whatever.

[18:42] Maybe, you know, they got to sell those cookies.

[18:44] Got to keep grease in the wheels of industry.

Elliott Kalan

[18:46] And their family is having money trouble.

[18:48] It's not like they can afford to not sell cookies every day.

Stuart Wellington

[18:51] Yeah, we see that she has to rush off to work.

[18:53] She ends up having to work late, even though it's her daughter's birthday.

[18:57] Her boss at the bank is incredibly unsympathetic to this situation.

[19:02] We also see her husband, who I don't...

[19:05] I could never find his name, which it turns out it doesn't matter.

[19:08] It doesn't last very long in the movie.

[19:11] Who is working as a mechanic.

[19:14] And I feel like this is one of those things where movies have a tendency to underestimate the...

[19:20] Like, how lucrative it is to be a trained...

[19:23] Like, a mechanic or a plumber or something.

[19:26] It's like, I'm never going to get out of this.

[19:28] It's like, you shouldn't.

[19:29] It's a good job.

[19:30] It pays well.

[19:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:31] A tradesman these days is not something to be sneezed at.

[19:35] Unless their trade is sneeze catching.

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:38] And then they would appreciate your business.

[19:40] Go sneeze at your local sneeze catcher today.

[19:43] Like, support mom and pop sneeze catchers.

Elliott Kalan

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:46] At Max Sneeze Drive.

[19:48] That's a special thing.

[19:49] So, sneeze catchers, they're coming in and coming out because you pay them to catch your sneeze.

[19:55] And then they turn around and they sell that sneeze to the Chinese as raw material.

[19:59] So, it's like, they're getting paid both ways.

[20:01] Yeah, both ways.

[20:02] It's such a good deal.

[20:03] Uh-huh.

[20:04] So...

[20:04] And the other thing is, like, movies always assume that if you have a blue-collar job, you are one step away from crime.

[20:11] Uh-huh.

[20:11] That, like, not only is it not lucrative and you can't support a family on it, but everyone you interact with is probably partly a criminal and you're on the edge of becoming a criminal, too.

[20:20] Which, I don't...

[20:21] Like, most of the people I know who commit crimes are white-collar criminals.

[20:25] So, maybe that's just the people I spend time with.

[20:26] My friend Lex, he's a luther.

[20:28] And some of the other guys that I know.

[20:30] But the blue-collar people I know, they don't commit crimes as much.

Stuart Wellington

[20:34] Do you think...

[20:35] I mean, do you just think it's a basic idea of, like, most people feel divorced enough from the people who do jobs for them, who, like, do service jobs for them, that they just assume that they operate on the same level as the streets or something?

[20:49] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[20:50] Maybe.

[20:50] I think it's a side benefit...

[20:52] A benefit.

[20:53] I think it's a side effect.

[20:54] Not a benefit.

[20:55] It's a bad thing.

[20:56] I think it's a side effect of an entertainment industry that is mostly made up of people who could afford to go to film school or who grew up in the entertainment industry.

[21:08] Like, I've been very...

[21:09] Like, and I have done very...

[21:10] I've been very lucky in my career and in my life, but I'll look at, like, screenwriters or directors that I'm interested in, and I'm like, I wonder how they got where they are.

[21:17] Oh, their parents were in the entertainment industry.

[21:19] Yeah.

[21:19] Like, it's a...

[21:19] It's a...

[21:21] Not...

[21:21] Again, guys, why are we getting so political?

[21:23] But there's all this income inequality, and it means that the people who do stuff like this are pretty separated from the people who do stuff like fixing cars.

[21:30] And so they assume that if you...

[21:32] Basically, that if you wear a jumpsuit, underneath that jumpsuit is, like, a prison uniform or something like that.

[21:38] You know?

[21:38] A second jumpsuit of a different color.

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] Yeah.

[21:41] And we also find out...

Dan McCoy

[21:43] I guess they're both jumpsuits.

[21:44] You're right, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[21:45] So we also find out in the movie that it's apparently Christmas time.

[21:49] These are little bits of information to help build this whole world to make it more believable.

Elliott Kalan

[21:53] This takes place in a world where Christmas exists.

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] So we see her husband, Jennifer Garner's husband, Riley's husband.

[22:04] He goes by a lot of labels.

[22:06] He meets a friend, Mickey, whose name I remember, or Nicky, one of the two.

[22:12] And he...

[22:13] They're apparently planning to rob the most notorious drug lord in Los Angeles.

[22:22] And it's the only way he can get out of this dead-end job of fixing cars.

[22:26] And, I mean, I don't know what kind of life he lives.

[22:28] Maybe he lives far beyond his means.

[22:30] Who knows?

[22:30] They have a nice-looking house.

[22:33] But they...

Elliott Kalan

[22:35] And they can afford to go to the Christmas carnival.

Stuart Wellington

[22:37] Yeah, the husband is, like, not completely on board, but he does like the idea of making a little bit extra money.

[22:43] So we then cut a few hours later.

[22:48] Nobody showed up for the daughter's birthday party because they were all at a last-minute holiday party thrown by the rival Girl Scout mom.

[22:57] Peggy, I think, is her name.

[23:00] And Jennifer Garner comes home.

[23:01] They commiserate with their daughter a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[23:03] And we know that Peggy, the rival Girl Scout mom, is evil and rich because she is blonde and her daughter is blonde.

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] And they have matching outfits.

[23:11] Yes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:15] Anyone who has the money for matching outfits is evil.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] When, ironically, if their outfits were matching, it would make me think more that they were made at home by their grandma.

[23:24] Like, I only know one pattern.

[23:26] I can do it in different sizes.

[23:28] People will just assume we're rich.

[23:29] It's okay.

Stuart Wellington

[23:30] The...

[23:31] My favorite moment in this scene is where Jennifer Garner's trying to make lemonade out of lemons here.

[23:37] And she suggests that they go out for pizza.

[23:40] And the look on the dad's face when she says pizza, he's so excited.

[23:44] Like, he hasn't had a sniff of pizza in weeks.

Dan McCoy

[23:47] It makes you suspect that the dad had called the other mom and been like,

[23:50] all right, set up a conflicting party to make my daughter sad.

[23:55] And then maybe I can get some pizza out of this deal.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] He's like, she's got me, Riley's got me on this bullshit gluten-free diet.

[24:02] I haven't had pizza in a month.

[24:04] The only way we're going to do it is a code red catastrophe.

[24:07] So you need to ruin my daughter's birthday so that I can finally get some pepperonis in my mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[24:12] Uh-huh.

[24:12] code red catastrophe was a rejected Mountain Dew variety name.

Elliott Kalan

[24:21] It was somebody like, they take a sip of Mountain Dew and then like a hurricane destroys the town or something like that.

[24:28] And someone goes, oh, there's a lot of energy.

[24:30] Yeah, I mean, that's a decent commercial pitch.

Stuart Wellington

[24:34] So our hero and her family.

Elliott Kalan

[24:37] Let me just say, guys, here's the interesting thing about Mountain Dew.

[24:39] Mountain Dew, as you all know, when it was first released, was a hillbilly-themed drink.

[24:44] That's why it's called Mountain Dew.

[24:45] Uh-huh.

[24:45] Because it was supposed to be like moonshine.

[24:47] And it has become an extreme sports type thing.

[24:50] But really, isn't the most extreme sport living the hillbilly lifestyle?

Stuart Wellington

[24:54] I mean, I think various television shows have pitched that idea to us, including award-winning Ozark.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] Yeah, there's nobody who lives more on the edge than your hillbilly-themed Williams is.

[25:06] And so I think Mountain Dew has been pretty true to its core concept, which is drink this.

[25:11] It'll hurt you probably.

[25:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:15] Yeah, it'll help you get over the pain of your extreme sports injuries.

[25:19] So our hero and her family go to the Christmas carnival.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Well, actually, Dan, when you tore your ACL, did the doctor prescribe Mountain Dew to you?

Dan McCoy

[25:26] Yes, but only topically.

[25:28] Yeah, I had to rub it in.

[25:32] Okay, so that's what you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] Yeah, and how did that affect your coat, your pelt?

[25:36] My pelt?

[25:37] Oh, it was shiny and lustrous.

[25:39] Oh, lovely.

[25:41] So our heroes go to the Christmas carnival.

[25:44] They get ice cream and they order two orders of Rocky Road and one order of peppermint.

[25:52] That's right.

[25:53] We got title.

[25:55] That's the one reason it's called peppermint.

[25:58] Is it ever referred to again after this point?

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] That's a big N-O.

Dan McCoy

[26:03] Okay, cool.

[26:04] Jennifer Garner, as an avenging angel, does not come to be known as peppermint.

Elliott Kalan

[26:08] No, and I was waiting for the moment when she would refer to the peppermint ice cream as like,

[26:12] that's the detail that sticks in my mind, peppermint.

[26:16] She wanted peppermint ice cream.

[26:18] She was still, she never had peppermint ice cream before that.

[26:21] She wanted something new.

[26:22] She had her whole life ahead of her, doing new things, trying things.

[26:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:26] She was so open to the world, my daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] You had to do what you did.

[26:30] Well, I hope the last thing that you remember as this bullet goes through your face,

[26:35] because she shoots a lot of people in the face in this movie,

[26:37] is the sweet taste of peppermint ice cream.

Dan McCoy

[26:40] And then it turns out it's an ad for peppermint ice cream.

[26:43] The whole movie.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] Yeah.

[26:44] She turns and she goes, dryers.

Dan McCoy

[26:45] She's subsidized by the peppermint industry.

[26:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] Yeah.

[26:49] Do you think, I mean, do you think there was a scene that was deleted where she bumps into

[26:53] a, like a humble ice cream vendor and she, you know, reluctantly buys some ice cream and

[27:00] the vendor's like, what flavor would you like?

[27:02] I have plenty of peppermint.

[27:04] And her eyes light up.

[27:06] Light up like she loves peppermint.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] Yeah.

[27:09] Because, because when her daughter died, she took the ice cream and ate it.

[27:12] I've never had peppermint ice cream before.

[27:14] This is good ice cream.

[27:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:15] I guess this is the silver lining.

Elliott Kalan

[27:17] I've learned to like peppermint.

[27:19] Dan, you're a, you're a cook.

[27:20] You like to make food.

Dan McCoy

[27:21] I thought you were going to be like, you're a dad.

[27:23] I'm like, no, I'm not.

[27:24] I don't understand why you got that idea.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] You're like, Dan, you're a dad.

[27:27] Would you enjoy your children being taken from you this way?

[27:29] No, of course not.

[27:30] So Dan, what is it about the combination of pepper and mint?

[27:34] Is it the freshness of mint and the spiciness of pepper?

Dan McCoy

[27:38] I see where you as a person who does not enjoy a lot of, let's say.

[27:45] Yeah, foods may have gotten confused here.

[27:48] You see, it's not, peppermint is a type of mint.

[27:54] So mint is not a separate.

[27:55] Yeah, it's mint you put pepper on.

[27:56] No, no, no, no, no.

[27:57] You don't, it's not, you don't put a pepper with it.

[27:59] Is it like cracked pepper?

[28:01] Or you don't put the ground pepper on it.

[28:02] Yeah, yeah, cracked black pepper.

[28:03] There's spearmint and there's peppermint.

[28:05] And I believe there are other kinds of mint.

Elliott Kalan

[28:06] So spearmint is when you put a mint on a spear.

Dan McCoy

[28:11] No, again, they're just different plants, different varieties of the same plant family.

[28:19] Okay.

[28:19] They have the same minty flavor we've grown to know and love.

[28:22] And what's gum and tea and toothpaste?

Stuart Wellington

[28:25] And what's a Franklin mint?

[28:29] Well, that's a scam.

Dan McCoy

[28:33] Trying to make people think that you can make money off of commemorative items.

[28:37] Cool, cool.

[28:38] No, that's too bad.

Elliott Kalan

[28:39] What about a Dan Mintz?

Dan McCoy

[28:41] Dan Mintz?

[28:42] Yeah.

[28:43] I believe he plays Tina on Bob's Burgers.

[28:46] Oh, and he's also part of that same plant family?

[28:49] Well, maybe.

[28:50] I've never met the man personally.

[28:52] But I hope this has helped.

[28:54] And what about a mince pie?

[28:56] Okay, well, that's...

[28:58] It's usually a combination of meat and like raisins.

[29:03] Uh-huh.

[29:05] And what about a...

Elliott Kalan

[29:06] What about Minty Mouse?

[29:07] Uh-huh.

[29:08] Or Christopher Mintz.

Dan McCoy

[29:09] That's a mishearing of Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie Mouse, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[29:14] Dan, you don't have to put labels on it.

[29:16] Okay.

[29:16] Mickey and Minty don't believe in labels.

Dan McCoy

[29:20] Right.

[29:20] They have an open relationship.

[29:22] Like my parents, apparently.

[29:23] According to Jesse Thorne.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] Dan, this isn't how I wanted you to find out that Jesse is the unicorn in your parents' marriage.

Stuart Wellington

[29:29] So while our heroes are having a chowdown party on some ice creams, we cut across town.

[29:37] We cross town to the villain of the movie, Garcia the Guillotine, a vicious drug lord who has...

[29:48] Diego Garcia, the Guillotine, we call him.

Elliott Kalan

[29:50] Or Guillotine-A?

[29:51] I don't know how to pronounce it.

Stuart Wellington

[29:52] Who is...

[29:53] Who has the potential accomplice of Jennifer Garner's character's husband tied up and beaten up.

[30:01] And he's surrounded by this guy's henchmen.

[30:06] As well as a really cool skeleton statue that has a scythe.

[30:11] If you are a fan of that type of a statue, get ready.

[30:14] There's a couple more in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[30:16] If you liked the Sicario sequel posters, which were huge bulletin boards, billboards all over L.A. of a sort of assassin skeleton.

[30:28] Yeah.

[30:28] And I was just so glad that my son was not old enough to really take an interest and be frightened by it.

[30:33] Because that is good nightmare fuel for a child.

[30:36] Yeah.

[30:37] Just a 50-foot tall skeleton assassin.

[30:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:39] And he's got his arms outstretched with guns like he's Reaper doing the Death Blossom ultimate move.

[30:45] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[30:48] Or Ollie G in the posters for Da Ollie G movie that I saw when I went to London years ago before that TV show had come to the United States.

[30:56] And I was like, what is this stupid thing everywhere?

[30:59] Everywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] And luckily you did a complete reversal on your opinion of that thing, right?

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] Oh, sure.

[31:05] Well, my first experience of Ollie G was seeing the trailer for that movie before another movie in a British movie theater.

[31:11] And I was like, this is the dumbest movie I've ever seen a trailer for.

[31:15] Almost the entire trailer was about him waking up to find his dog is giving him a blowjob and being okay with it.

[31:21] And I was like, I'm never seeing anything this man makes.

Stuart Wellington

[31:28] Flash forward.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] Flash forward to when a little movie called Borat came out.

[31:33] And I watched it and I laughed and then felt really bad about laughing.

Stuart Wellington

[31:36] So we are back in the movie, guys.

[31:41] Garcia says, you are going to steal from me, which makes the audience wonder, why were they going to steal from this guy?

[31:47] That seems crazy.

[31:48] So he then pulls out a super cool looking kukri knife and chops the dude's head off and blood sprays all over that cool ceremonial statue.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] And something you should mention is that the dad had already called his friend and said, hey, you know what?

[32:02] I don't want to do it.

[32:03] I changed my mind.

[32:04] My family is too important.

[32:05] I don't want to risk it.

[32:06] But Gio Garcia is irritated that the guy just had the very thought of stealing from him.

[32:11] Yeah.

[32:12] Maybe he didn't go through with it.

Stuart Wellington

[32:13] And does he even know that, like, did they mention that he, that Garcia had read the, had heard the voicemail or no?

[32:21] Because it feels like everybody, in this movie, everybody constantly knows all of the possible information.

[32:27] Nobody is surprised in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[32:29] I think we're supposed to assume that Mickey ratted out, that they tortured him and he ratted out, unnamed husband of Riley North.

[32:39] But it's also, the characters just know stuff that the movie needs them to know.

[32:44] It's like, the characters will wander around like morons and then it's like, the movie needs you to know this thing.

[32:49] It's time for you to know it.

[32:50] And they'll just wake up with that information in their head as if through some sort of Gnostic meditation, they have somehow achieved, you know, inner information.

[32:59] From the universe, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[33:01] Uh-huh.

[33:01] So, the, yeah, so he says, oh, he was even going to consider stealing from me, make a big, send a big message.

[33:09] So, he sends a trio of guys in a car with Uzis to drive by them at the, at the Christmas carnival and shoot them full of bullets from their Uzis.

[33:23] Killing Jennifer Garner's family and hitting her in the head, I guess, with a bullet.

Elliott Kalan

[33:29] Yeah, she goes into a coma.

[33:31] Uh-huh.

[33:31] And a police detective visits her and says, we all know Diego Garcia did it, but nobody will testify.

[33:37] And Jennifer Garner then flashes back to what we just saw one scene earlier of her family being gunned down.

[33:44] And it was like, movie, did you think we forgot?

[33:47] Like, is that in case people thought, somebody who bought a ticket thinking this was a violent movie was like, oh, I guess it's a Christmas carnival movie.

[33:54] I'll go use the bathroom now and miss that scene.

[33:57] Like, it seems weird.

Dan McCoy

[33:58] It's also her, like, he's like, you know, no one will, like, no witnesses will testify.

[34:02] And it's her being like, I'll testify because I saw it.

[34:04] And this is the point where I'm like, bullshit.

[34:07] Bullshit movie.

[34:08] At the best of times.

[34:10] At the best of times.

[34:11] Eyewitness testimony is mostly bullshit.

[34:15] Like, it's mostly bunk.

[34:16] Like, people are not good at being eyewitnesses.

[34:19] But this is Jennifer Garner who saw these gang members driving past in a car from several feet away and got shot herself.

[34:31] In the head.

[34:32] Yeah.

[34:32] She's not going to be able to identify these people, but she identifies them with crack accuracy.

Stuart Wellington

[34:37] Well, it also helps that when they do, he brings her in to do a lineup for all the guys.

[34:42] And they do three different.

Elliott Kalan

[34:43] Wait, let me just say real quick.

[34:43] Dan, nice job doing the evil, the evil defendant's job for him.

[34:47] Since the evil defense lawyer makes basically the same argument at the arena.

[34:51] Well, he's right, though.

Stuart Wellington

[34:53] Like, there's no, like.

[34:54] Oh, yeah.

[34:55] Let's get that sound clip on down.

[34:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:58] Check out my cousin Vinny over here making the big case.

[35:01] So, Stuart, they go to the lineup.

[35:03] They go to the lineup.

Stuart Wellington

[35:04] Each batch of lineups, it's silly because they'll bring out five guys.

[35:09] And one guy in each batch who is the culprit has very obvious face tattoos.

[35:16] No one else has a tattoo.

[35:17] But they pick out, they only have those guys.

Elliott Kalan

[35:20] That's what I was going to say, Dan, is that it's a little easier when they have pre-marked themselves with identifying tattoos on their face.

[35:28] And just as with zebras, no two zebras have the same stripe pattern.

[35:32] No two tigers have the same stripe pattern.

[35:34] No two fictional gangbangers have the same tattoo pattern.

Dan McCoy

[35:37] Clearly a failing of the police department for not finding other lineup members who have tattoos.

Elliott Kalan

[35:43] Wow.

[35:44] Wow.

[35:45] Check out Mr. American Civil Liberties McCoy over here.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] So we.

[35:49] I just wanted to spell the myth of the reliable eyewitness.

[35:52] That's all.

[35:53] That's the most important thing that this podcast can do.

Elliott Kalan

[35:57] Dan started this podcast 12 years ago hoping for an opportunity to get across the idea that eyewitness testimony is not reliable.

[36:04] Which it's not.

[36:05] That's true.

[36:05] You only have to.

[36:06] It's one of those funny things where it's like if I was a defense attorney, they'd be like, we have eyewitnesses who put your client at the scene.

[36:14] And I'd say, hey, have you ever read a Berenstain Bears joke?

[36:18] A Berenstain Bears book?

[36:20] Yeah, yeah.

[36:20] I love the Berenstain Bears.

[36:22] Then perhaps you'd really know they're actually the Berenstain Bears and the jury's mind would be blown.

[36:26] And they'd be like, what?

[36:27] What?

[36:28] What?

[36:28] And I'd say, exhibit A.

[36:30] Berenstain Bears.

[36:31] Yeah.

[36:31] From 1982.

[36:32] That's right.

[36:33] You all remembered it wrong.

[36:35] So how can we believe that this eyewitness is reliable when your own memories of your favorite vaguely conservative bear family are not reliable?

[36:43] I rest my case and the judge would be like, whoa, is everything a lie?

[36:48] Can I trust my own brain?

[36:50] And people would just be like sawing their heads open to pull their brains out because they felt betrayed.

[36:54] And my client, in the ensuing chaos, I would just slip him some money to disappear.

Stuart Wellington

[37:00] Oh, wow.

[37:01] Yeah, that's – I like this humble small town lawyer screenplay you're working on.

Elliott Kalan

[37:08] Yeah, it's called the Berenstain lawyer.

Stuart Wellington

[37:10] So we get a little bit of an info dump at this point while Detective Carmichael, our hero detective, and his partner, Detective something else whose name I don't remember.

[37:21] I couldn't get his name either.

[37:23] So his – the partner, who seems to be acting kind of shady throughout the whole movie, but that's just a big twist him up later on.

[37:30] We get a bit of an info dump about Garcia the guillotine and how he's the most notorious gangster in the city and that he even has people in the police department working for him.

Elliott Kalan

[37:44] And so the partner says to Carmichael, you better let this go.

[37:47] Like this is dangerous.

[37:49] You're playing with fire and you might get burned.

Stuart Wellington

[37:51] And Carmichael, who kind of looks like a – like Ike Barinholtz.

[37:55] Like Ike Barinholtz is like stand-in.

Dan McCoy

[37:58] Yeah, Spike Barinholtz.

[38:00] Yeah, he's the kind of like – if you saw the terrible Aaron Sorkin show, The Newsroom, which I did because it was like most late period Aaron Sorkin, it was enjoyable to watch and be angry at.

[38:14] He was the like doofy kind of like love interest-y guy.

[38:18] And he's very baby-faced, but they try and make him not baby-faced by giving him a big bushy mustache and some stubble in the city.

Elliott Kalan

[38:27] Dan, now I just imagine you're going to see To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway.

[38:31] And you're just like – you're hate watching it because it's Aaron Sorkin.

[38:35] You're like – and you're just loudly going like –

[38:37] As if – and you're like live tweeting your snark about it.

[38:40] I mean there's reason –

Dan McCoy

[38:41] This is so expensive.

[38:42] Why did I do this?

Stuart Wellington

[38:43] And there's reason to hate that production because they've been going around like sending people cease and desist orders to halt their own productions of To Kill a Mockingbird.

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] They have been shutting down school versions of To Kill a Mockingbird community productions.

[38:56] But that's not Aaron Sorkin's fault.

[38:58] You don't think he's pulling the strings?

[39:03] Sinister puppet master Aaron Sorkin.

[39:07] So let me – I want to say one thing again about these thugs that have been – that she has – that Garner has eyewitnessed.

[39:13] They are so cartoonishly thuggish.

[39:16] Yeah, yeah.

[39:16] Like they are just so over-the-toply like non-human and just mean and angry.

[39:24] And also – and we'll get to later when they actually have – their headquarters are literally in a piñata factory.

[39:30] Uh-huh, yeah.

[39:30] But the – but so they – there's a – there's what?

[39:34] An arraignment?

[39:35] Uh-huh.

[39:35] And Dan McCoy, super defense attorney, he gets Jennifer Garner's testimony basically thrown into doubt.

[39:42] And Jennifer Garner has – the judge says there'll be no trial here.

[39:46] And Jennifer Garner has an outburst and tries to attack the attackers.

[39:49] Yep.

[39:49] And gets tased and sentenced to be thrown in a mental hospital.

[39:53] Uh-huh.

[39:53] And this is after she's –

[39:55] And the thugs sit there laughing.

Dan McCoy

[39:55] Like I don't know if that's the way it works too.

[39:58] Like just like take her away to a mental hospital, boys.

[40:01] But I'm not sure.

Elliott Kalan

[40:02] It is so crazy that the judge is just like – based on this – I mean you could – if some – if a witness decided to try to assault a suspect,

[40:10] even if the suspect hadn't just been let loose by this crazy judge, that would still be a crime.

[40:14] Yeah.

[40:15] But the idea that he's just like, you're crazy.

[40:17] Take her to the booby hatch.

[40:18] Like get this – get this lady out of here.

[40:20] Like is nuts.

Stuart Wellington

[40:21] Yeah.

[40:22] It's – and this is after like – we see that she's kind of pushed to the breaking point at this point.

[40:28] Obviously, like she lost her family.

[40:31] There's a little scene where we find out that she has lost her house and is being evicted.

[40:35] This idyllic middle class life that she had can so quickly be snatched from her by forces outside of her control.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] And that they were so struggling for.

[40:45] They were struggling.

[40:46] They were forgotten by the community at large.

[40:49] And now they're being stepped on by this institutional system that is so totally stacked against middle class white people.

Stuart Wellington

[40:56] And the – even the evil lawyer had showed up to her house and tried to pay her off.

[41:03] And I feel like the amount of money he was trying to give her was more than her husband would have stolen.

[41:08] Also – yeah, we didn't really address that like –

Elliott Kalan

[41:11] Well, also there was a giant publisher's clearinghouse check for $3 million.

[41:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:15] I was like – I was like maybe she should have mentioned at some point, hey, that guy who's defending the criminals literally came to my house with a big stack of money.

[41:26] Like the guy who's –

[41:27] Not relevant.

[41:28] The same person.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] I'm sure she did and the judge said – yeah, overruled.

[41:32] That's hearsay.

[41:33] She's like it's not hearsay.

[41:35] It happened.

[41:35] I was right there.

[41:37] So she –

[41:37] Well, you're an eyewitness.

[41:39] Well, we have an argument against that.

[41:41] Dan McCoy, come on out and explain why she's wrong.

Stuart Wellington

[41:45] So they throw her in after she's been tased.

[41:50] She watched the villains cackle at her as she's dragged off.

[41:54] She's put in the back of an ambulance.

[41:56] She then breaks free by attacking the detective who I guess was trying to save her.

[42:03] Uh-huh.

[42:04] And she hits him in the head and she runs off.

[42:07] And it felt like for a moment the ambulance workers looked at the detective and were like, well, our orders were to take somebody to the mental hospital.

Dan McCoy

[42:15] But this is also like a very like zero to 60 moment where it's like she was a bereaved housewife moments before.

[42:23] And then suddenly she turns in like – suddenly her response to being taken to a mental hospital is to like kick her way out of an ambulance.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] Well, it's that moment – it's the moment when like someone goes – she basically has that Wolverine moment where she's like, I'm a person.

[42:38] I'm a person.

[42:39] No.

[42:40] Now I'm so mad I'm reverting to the savage animal inside me.

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:43] And it gives her super strength and also super animal cunning to figure out how to escape and get away.

Stuart Wellington

[42:49] And I feel like the most appropriate animal to tap into at this point is a crow because this movie is basically lifting the plot of the crow.

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] It just goes to show that within every one of us is a beast just waiting to be let out.

[43:07] Which –

[43:07] My beast is named Gringor.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] Uh-huh.

[43:10] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] Yeah, and he's like kind of a cuddly, you know, like cuddly-tuddly teddy bear.

[43:16] Uh-huh.

[43:16] But he also is very good with macromay and crocheting.

[43:21] Okay.

[43:21] He's just very crafty.

[43:22] Uh-huh.

[43:22] So Gringor is a very crafty beast and that's what's inside of me an otherwise very violent and like hostile person.

[43:28] Okay.

[43:28] But inside I have this really sweet, cuddly, crafty animal.

Stuart Wellington

[43:32] Oh, cool.

[43:32] Okay.

[43:33] Well, tap into that guy some more.

[43:35] So we then flash forward to present day.

[43:39] The Detective Carmichael looks exactly the same and he and his partner, who are still partners,

[43:44] are – go to the scene of a crime at the Christmas carnival, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[43:50] The same Christmas carnival.

[43:52] And what do they find hanging from the Ferris wheel?

Stuart Wellington

[43:54] Yep.

[43:54] We see three gangsters.

[43:57] The three defendants.

[43:59] The three guys who killed her family are hung upside down from the Ferris wheel.

Elliott Kalan

[44:04] Which leads me to ask the question, so did she climb up the Ferris wheel dragging those bodies or did she turn the Ferris wheel on and nobody noticed?

Stuart Wellington

[44:13] Yeah.

[44:13] I mean, you tie them and then you turn it.

[44:15] That's how it works.

Elliott Kalan

[44:16] I get you.

[44:17] I get you.

Dan McCoy

[44:20] Yeah, and this is like –

Stuart Wellington

[44:21] Are you saying there should have been a scene where she's comically trying to climb up the thing and they keep falling and she's like, oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[44:28] Oh, man.

[44:29] And then the carny folk down at the bottom are just like, just turn the wheel.

[44:34] Just tie them on the ground and then turn it.

[44:37] And she's like, I didn't have the key.

[44:39] You just had to ask us.

[44:40] Just ask us to use the key.

[44:42] People use this Ferris wheel for revenge all the time.

[44:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:45] Yeah.

[44:46] So I was watching this movie with my friend and like both of us, this scene points us, points up the biggest problem that we both had with the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[44:56] Wait, Dan, I asked if you wanted to watch it with me and you said you couldn't watch it.

[45:01] So you have another friend that you watch movies with?

Dan McCoy

[45:07] So the podcast is canceled.

Stuart Wellington

[45:09] I thought you told me that you'd like to watch movies by yourself now in a dark room so that you have no distractions.

[45:14] What's going on, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[45:17] Can I just make my point about the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[45:20] Yeah, okay.

[45:20] Dan, you told me that in order to better enhance the inner you, you are cutting yourself off from all human contact except for every two weeks to record this podcast.

Dan McCoy

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:30] No, I live in a sensory deprivation tank now.

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] A sensory deprivation tank?

Dan McCoy

[45:35] I live in a sensual deprivation tank.

[45:37] That's how Ra's al Ghul stays alive forever.

[45:41] It's just me floating in a bunch of lube.

Elliott Kalan

[45:45] Yeah, I spent many years in a sexual deprivation tank from roughly the ages 16 to 24, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[45:55] Thanks for being specific.

Elliott Kalan

[45:56] Where I was deprived of sexuality.

[45:58] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] Anyway, no, let me, you're pulling up his notes as if I had ever gotten a point.

[46:05] You made your point.

Elliott Kalan

[46:06] You have another friend.

[46:08] We get it.

[46:08] No, that's not it.

[46:09] You're not a peppermint.

[46:10] We understand.

[46:10] No.

Stuart Wellington

[46:11] We don't need to check the receipts, Dan.

[46:13] You have friends.

Dan McCoy

[46:13] It's that this movie cuts out the most interesting shit.

[46:18] Uh-huh.

[46:19] For instance, it cut the entire part where she learns how to be, like, not just a normal lady,

[46:27] but a super ninja assassin.

[46:29] But we also, like, in these movies, no one expects her killing the people that actually killed her family to be the final boss.

[46:39] Like, that is not the last people that you kill in a revenge movie.

[46:44] You kill the, like, people who ordered the hit in the first place.

[46:48] Yeah.

[46:49] But you usually have a satisfying moment where you see the actual, like, killing of the killers.

[46:58] I thought we saw that right at the very beginning of the movie.

[47:00] Here we skip to just them being strung up on a Ferris wheel.

[47:06] And it's like, well, what are we doing here?

[47:08] Execution style.

[47:09] Why are we even doing a revenge movie?

Elliott Kalan

[47:11] We never saw her kill that sacred deer.

Stuart Wellington

[47:13] Mm-hmm.

[47:14] I mean, I don't know.

[47:15] I'm not a big Yorgos Lanthimos fan.

Elliott Kalan

[47:18] So we...

[47:19] Oh, Dan, one other thing that you mentioned is we learned also that what she did was she robbed a bank,

[47:25] then traveled the world becoming an assassin off camera, and then came back for her revenge.

[47:30] How do you guys think she decided it was time to get the revenge?

[47:32] Because it's been five years.

Stuart Wellington

[47:34] I mean, I feel like she was looking at...

[47:37] She started her process of becoming a killing machine, honing her body, perfecting her brain, etc.

[47:43] And she looked at her calendar, and she's like, when would be a good anniversary?

[47:48] And I think five years makes sense.

[47:50] And I'm glad that she timed it pretty well.

Elliott Kalan

[47:52] Oh, that is the revenge anniversary.

[47:54] I guess that's true.

[47:54] Five years is revenge.

[47:55] Mm-hmm.

[47:56] Ten years is forgiveness.

[47:59] Fifteen years is, oh, the forgiveness was a trick.

[48:01] Actually, it's double revenge.

[48:03] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[48:03] Who did you...

[48:03] What did you get for Danielle for your five-year anniversary?

[48:07] Revenge anniversary.

[48:07] Revenge.

[48:08] I said...

[48:09] Cool.

[48:09] I said write a name on a piece of paper.

[48:09] You got a DVD copy of Revenge?

Elliott Kalan

[48:11] Yeah, I said write a name on a piece of paper.

[48:14] I won't ask any questions.

[48:15] That person is taken care of, if you know what I mean.

[48:17] Mm-hmm.

[48:17] And she wrote down her best friend's name.

[48:21] Oh, that's crazy.

[48:22] I was surprised.

[48:22] And I took care of her best friend, if you know what I mean.

[48:25] Mm-hmm.

[48:25] And then she came back.

[48:26] She goes, so what did you do that was nice to take care of my best friend?

[48:29] Uh-huh.

[48:29] And I was like, uh-oh.

[48:31] Oh, boy.

[48:32] Good.

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] Elliot looked at the name, put his hands over his face, and he morphed into a different person

[48:37] like a faceless man.

[48:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:40] Here's something that I always wonder about mob bosses is whether it becomes difficult

[48:45] for the people they work with to figure out exactly what they're saying when they're

[48:49] like, make sure Silvio leads a long, happy life.

[48:55] Mm-hmm.

[48:55] You got it, boss.

[48:56] Like, they never really know if he actually means that sarcastically or not.

Stuart Wellington

[49:01] I feel like this was a bit in like, uh, in like that, what, Mafia or whatever the fuck

[49:06] movie that was?

[49:07] Jane Austen's Mafia.

[49:08] Yeah, Jane Austen's Mafia.

[49:09] Yeah, that feels like something straight out of there.

Elliott Kalan

[49:10] The only bit I remember from that movie is when, uh, Lloyd Bridges' aged mob boss character

[49:16] is being shot with a machine gun in a herky-jerky way that makes it so that he starts doing

[49:20] the Macarena.

[49:21] Oh, cool.

[49:22] And everyone thinks he's dancing.

[49:23] Yeah, that's gonna last forever.

[49:24] And everyone's seeing that in the theater and being like, what the hell am I watching?

[49:30] All right, where are we in this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] Uh, so we find out that the FBI has a file on her and that we get this huge amount of

[49:38] information about all of her adventures and backstory, uh, her adventures in babysitting.

[49:44] Uh-huh.

[49:44] And how she has, uh, you know, she's been traveling the world.

[49:49] She's become an MMA fighter.

[49:52] She has robbed a bunch of guns recently from a gun store and picked out exactly the perfect

[49:57] guns to use.

[49:59] Um, and so we get all this information.

[50:03] Uh, she is a fully formed killing machine at this point in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[50:07] Yes.

[50:08] And so she goes on her rampage.

[50:09] She blows up the judge who let the bad guys go.

[50:12] Off camera, she kills the, what, the DA, you know, she's, or the, the defense attorney,

[50:17] whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[50:18] She kills both of them, I think.

[50:19] And then we cut to her torturing the judge who so quickly dismissed her case.

[50:25] Her, she's demanding that he just tell her her name.

[50:29] All he has to do is remember her name, which, uh, was then echoed in a recent Saturday Night

[50:35] Live sketch.

[50:36] Um, the, uh, it doesn't work.

[50:39] She steals a toy, blows up the judge, uh, and then gives the toy she stole from a judge,

[50:44] uh, to a kid she meets on the bus, which makes it the perfect crime.

Elliott Kalan

[50:50] And that leads to my favorite line in the whole movie, uh, where she, so the kid on the bus

[50:55] has this deadbeat drunk dad and she threatens the deadbeat drunk dad at gunpoint and says,

[50:59] you be a better dad.

[51:00] Take this kid to buy some presents.

[51:02] But before that, the dad, as they're walking off the bus, he says to his kid, who gave you

[51:06] that shitty toy?

Stuart Wellington

[51:08] And it's like, so unnecessarily mean.

Elliott Kalan

[51:12] There's no reason for him to notice it.

[51:14] There's no reason for him to disparage it.

[51:16] Just who gave you, who gave you that shitty toy?

Dan McCoy

[51:18] My, my reaction to this film, this scene in the film, by the way, was like, all right.

[51:22] So like, we're only a couple of kills in, but we've already gotten mission creep on behalf

[51:26] of Jennifer Garner.

[51:27] Now she's just avenging random kids on the, on the, on the bus.

[51:31] But also like best case, like there are two scenarios that happen here after she threatens

[51:36] his dad.

[51:37] Like either she threatens him and then he immediately backslides as soon as she's out of sight, which

[51:42] is the most likely thing.

[51:43] Almost certainly.

[51:44] Or he just pretends to love his kid for the rest of his life because he's afraid of Jennifer

[51:49] Garner.

[51:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:51] Or he calls the police and said, a crazy lady put a gun in their face in a liquor store.

[51:56] And they said, oh, did it look like Jennifer Garner?

[51:58] Yeah, it did.

[51:59] Oh, that's Riley North.

[51:59] She's a one woman killing machine.

[52:01] You better watch out, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[52:02] Don't post anything on social media because people will trash you.

Elliott Kalan

[52:06] We also learned that Diego's in trouble with the cartel.

[52:09] He lost a couple of shipments of drugs and they, and, and we, they, and now she, he's

[52:14] worried.

[52:15] Now he really is as if it wasn't enough that Riley wants to kill him.

[52:18] Now he really has a motivation.

[52:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:19] And we know, we know it's a, the meeting he has with his cartel boss.

[52:24] We know it's a drug lab because it's full of people in their underpants packing drugs,

[52:29] New Jack city style.

[52:30] Yeah.

[52:31] And of course he has more of those super cool skeleton statues holding sides.

Elliott Kalan

[52:37] Now cut to, we got our first real big set piece in the movie, which is Jennifer Garner breaks

[52:42] into the gang headquarters, which as we mentioned earlier is a pinata factory, which is a little

[52:47] on the nose.

[52:47] I guess like, I mean, the one thing this movie doesn't do is they don't have a shootout at

[52:52] a quinceanera celebration.

[52:53] So I guess we should be thankful for that.

[52:55] And she has a blanket draped over her.

[52:57] Like she's some kind of low budget Jedi.

[53:00] And there's a, there's a news report about her rampage.

[53:03] She's shooting all these guys.

[53:04] She loves to shoot people in the face.

[53:06] She gets caught while she's in there and she fights her way through everybody.

[53:09] She has this kind of infinite ammo military grade shotgun that just keeps firing and it hurls

[53:14] people backwards.

Stuart Wellington

[53:15] And I'll say, I think, I think at this point, like the action sequences aren't bad.

[53:19] Like they're, they, they're readable.

[53:21] They have a lot of like, they have some stakes.

[53:24] They're not, I think they're pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] Oh yeah.

[53:26] They're not terrible action sequences.

[53:27] Everything about the movie otherwise is like the context they're in is terrible.

[53:31] Yes, of course.

[53:32] I would like, uh, yep.

Dan McCoy

[53:34] I would just like to say something about the pinata factory.

[53:37] Like, like, yep.

[53:39] Go on, Dan.

[53:40] No, I just, I want to tread lightly.

Stuart Wellington

[53:42] You want to see the room where they stuff the pinatas with stuff?

[53:45] Oh God.

Elliott Kalan

[53:45] You were wondering why they didn't have any of those licensed pinata characters that look

[53:49] a little bit off model?

[53:50] No, that would be hilarious.

[53:52] Licensed.

Dan McCoy

[53:55] No, I, uh, I want to, uh, tread lightly cause I don't want to be misunderstood, which I almost

[54:00] certainly will be.

Elliott Kalan

[54:01] But like, so what you're saying is you're just a man whose intentions are good.

[54:05] Uh huh.

Dan McCoy

[54:06] This is gonna, this is gonna go well.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] Please don't, no, I just like, please don't let him be misunderstood.

Dan McCoy

[54:10] There are a lot of movies out there that like, um, try and avoid charges of racism by like

[54:17] making like their gangs ridiculously multicultural.

[54:21] Mm-hmm.

[54:21] Which is silly in its own way because like, like, unfortunately, like that's not usually

[54:26] how these things work.

[54:27] Like, like the gang system typically is sort of, uh, culturally like, uh, yeah.

[54:34] Like, uh, insular.

Elliott Kalan

[54:35] You're like, you're like, you're like, unfortunately there's just not enough integration in our gangs.

[54:39] Yeah.

[54:40] We need to, we need to start really working on that everybody.

[54:42] Right.

Dan McCoy

[54:42] But there's a way to like, make this movie and not have like every Mexican gang member

[54:49] just be like a faceless monster that is shot by a white lady.

[54:53] Mm-hmm.

[54:53] Especially in this modern, uh, climate where.

[54:57] Yep.

[54:57] Immigration is a huge issue that, uh, is being used as a divisive topic.

[55:02] Uh, so it just, maybe it's the wrong, wrong movie for this time is, is perhaps what I'm

[55:07] saying.

[55:08] Or any time.

[55:08] Yeah.

[55:10] Uh, that's what I wanted to say about the pinata factory shootout.

Stuart Wellington

[55:14] So let's, uh, let's leave a pause so people can gasp at Dan's, uh, insensitivity.

[55:20] Uh-huh.

[55:20] And then, uh, we'll pick it back up.

[55:22] We get some news stories about the shootout at the pinata factory.

[55:25] Uh, the, the news is incredibly, uh, informed at this point.

[55:32] Like they know every single thing.

[55:35] And also people on social media have already picked up this story.

[55:39] They, they know her whole story and they are, they're behind her.

[55:42] She is a champion of the people.

Elliott Kalan

[55:44] Uh, it is referred to by the FBI agent as a typical social media shit storm.

[55:49] Mm-hmm.

[55:49] Uh, and Diego is like, now I'm serious.

[55:52] I'm putting out a hit on Riley North.

[55:53] Cause here's what Riley North does.

[55:54] She leaves one guy alive at the pinata factory to, uh, to, uh, to send a message.

[56:00] The guy, here's what I, and he, and she's like, tell me everything.

[56:03] And she threatens him and he reveals everything.

[56:05] That guy, if it was me, I am leaving town.

[56:08] I am never coming back.

[56:09] But instead he goes back to Diego to be like, Hey boss, sorry.

[56:12] I told her everything about where all our drug stuff is.

[56:15] Hey, frenzies still, you know, people make mistakes.

[56:19] Like Diego to air is human, but to forgive is divine.

[56:22] So maybe, uh, you can give me a mulligan on this one.

[56:24] Diego of course replies to this by killing him.

[56:27] Like it's, it's a foolish move.

Dan McCoy

[56:29] What if after the scene of the pinata factory, by the way, the, uh, the drug Lord goes through

[56:35] and he's like, where are all my henchmen?

[56:36] Where are the dead bodies of my henchmen?

[56:38] And he like looks through and then finally he hits a pinata and all these body parts fall out.

Elliott Kalan

[56:43] I mean, that'd be a huge pinata.

[56:46] I just imagine somebody driving up to buy a pinata with their kid for their kid's birthday

[56:50] party and just being like, okay, what kind of pinata do you want?

[56:53] You want a Spider-Man pinata?

[56:55] I mean, I know it's kind of weird to hit Spider-Man cause you're such a big fan of his

[56:58] literally to beat him with a baseball bat until his body bursts open, but we can get you a

[57:02] Spider-Man pinata.

[57:03] Anyway, it seems like more of the kind of thing a villain would do, but okay, let's just look

[57:06] in here and Oh God.

[57:07] Oh no.

[57:08] They've been burst like so many pinatas.

[57:10] Do you think that happened or no?

Stuart Wellington

[57:12] Probably.

[57:13] They probably got that.

[57:14] Yeah.

[57:14] I would imagine.

[57:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:16] Now guys, here's something I want to talk.

Stuart Wellington

[57:17] Or like, or, or like a family shows up to buy a pinata and they're like, this is a

[57:22] strange looking pinata.

[57:23] And they're like, Oh no, it's a dead guy.

Elliott Kalan

[57:26] Ah, doesn't look like SpongeBob.

[57:28] Now here's, here's okay guys.

[57:30] Something I wanted to mention in this scene, Diego's henchmen are all standing around and

[57:34] they're like, so what are we going to do boss?

[57:35] And he buys himself some time by pouring himself a drink.

[57:39] Uh-huh.

[57:39] And at this moment I was like, oh, okay, you know what?

[57:43] Diego is an employee, is a manager.

[57:45] He has to make decisions very quickly in front of his subordinates while they're literally

[57:49] watching him and waiting.

[57:51] And I really sympathize with that kind of pressure and stress.

[57:54] Yeah.

[57:54] And someone who finds themselves in like a middle manager position.

[57:57] Sure.

[57:57] Yeah.

[57:57] If I do the wrong thing, this is going to hurt the organization.

[58:00] If I do the wrong thing, I'll get in trouble with my bosses.

[58:02] Uh-huh.

[58:02] And I don't really have a lot of time and I don't have the space to like get in a room

[58:06] and really think it out by myself.

[58:08] I have to make this decision right now and I have to do it with the pressure of the eyes

[58:12] of my employees on me.

[58:13] I really sympathize with that.

[58:14] And it was the first time that I think I sympathized with the character in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[58:18] Yeah.

[58:18] And he makes that call.

[58:21] You know, he understands that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Elliott Kalan

[58:24] Yeah.

[58:24] So, uh.

[58:26] And now is when we learn that there's one portion of Skid Crow.

[58:30] Skid Crow.

[58:31] There's one portion of Skid Row.

[58:32] Skid Crow is, of course, the version of the crow that stars the man in.

[58:38] members of Skid Row.

[58:39] That Skid Row has been crime free for three months.

[58:42] Wait a minute.

[58:43] Riley North returned to America three months ago.

[58:46] Yeah.

[58:46] Oh, and as if it, and just to drive the point home, there's a huge wall mural of Riley North

[58:50] as an avenging angel with guns in her hands.

[58:52] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:52] Painted on the side of a building.

[58:53] Yeah, move over, Alita.

[58:54] We got a new battle angel.

[58:56] The, yeah.

[58:58] So, yeah, this is all figured out by the FBI agent who's been liaising with Detective

[59:04] Carmichael and Detective Beltran.

[59:06] Thank you, IMDb.

[59:08] Oh, that's his name.

[59:10] FBI agent Lisa Inman.

[59:12] And there's, like, jokes that there might be a romantic relationship between her and the-

[59:18] Carmichael.

[59:19] Carmichael.

[59:19] And that felt pretty weird.

[59:22] Yeah.

[59:22] But it's all a big bit of a filmmaking trickeroonie, but we'll get to that in a second.

Elliott Kalan

[59:29] And so, Riley, she gets, they trap her in an exploding drug lab, right?

[59:33] Yep.

[59:33] Like, she goes to take down a lab and they trap her in it, but she escapes through the

[59:36] sewers like a regular ninja turtle.

[59:38] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[59:39] Yep.

[59:39] She's chomping on some pizza.

[59:40] A regular ninja turtle.

[59:41] Not a teenage mutant one.

Elliott Kalan

[59:43] Not a teenage, yeah, just a regular ninja turtle.

[59:45] Not one who is either middle-aged or not radioactive or not mutated in any way.

[59:50] Yeah.

[59:51] And so, she steals a car to get away, and then she does what I think is the second funniest thing

[59:55] in the movie after, where'd you get that shitty toy?

[59:57] There's, like, a cup of soda in the car that the owner of the car had, and she just picks

[1:00:02] it up and slurps it down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:04] Yeah.

[1:00:04] And you think there's a moment where she starts drinking that and she's like, this reminds

[1:00:08] me of my old life, the person I used to be.

[1:00:11] When I enjoyed soda.

[1:00:12] Peppermint soda.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:14] No, I think what she did is she picks it up and she takes a sip and she's like, ugh,

[1:00:17] Sprite.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:18] Well, whatever.

[1:00:19] So, yeah, she used the car, she tails the gangsters who are very excited to be able to

[1:00:25] call shots as they are promised by their boss.

[1:00:28] She drives around them and then murders both of them and then takes the car and shows up

[1:00:34] at Diego Garcia's home.

[1:00:37] Now, here's my question.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:38] Yep.

[1:00:39] Does she drink or eat whatever she finds in the thug's car, too?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:42] I mean, I can only assume.

[1:00:44] That seems to be her calling card.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:46] It's like they go to the judge's house and they're like,

[1:00:49] someone blew up the judge and they ate his leftovers.

[1:00:52] I mean, she took that.

[1:00:53] Oh, Riley North was here.

[1:00:54] She took that toy, right?

[1:00:56] So.

[1:00:57] She's always stealing a little bit of something.

[1:00:59] Because it's, weirdly for a movie that is about someone who is basically turned herself

[1:01:04] into a human bullet who is dedicated only to killing.

[1:01:07] Yep.

[1:01:07] The thing that really symbolized for me that she's at rock bottom is just picking up a

[1:01:12] cup of soda in somebody else's car that you don't know what it's in and just drink, what's

[1:01:15] in it is just drinking it.

[1:01:16] Like, that's so gross to me.

[1:01:18] Yep.

[1:01:18] To wrap your lips around somebody else's straw and just drink whatever they have in their

[1:01:22] car.

[1:01:22] That I was like, wow, she really does have no fear.

[1:01:25] Yeah.

[1:01:25] She really is on rock bottom.

[1:01:27] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:27] So she tricks the large security force at the well-appointed home of the drug lord by just

[1:01:38] rolling the car forward.

[1:01:39] And then she keeps jumping around, shooting him.

[1:01:41] And again, this is a, I think this is a well-choreographed, organized action sequence.

[1:01:45] Reads well, obviously.

[1:01:47] Terrible movie.

[1:01:49] Uh, don't agree with any of this.

[1:01:50] But, uh, she fights her way into the compound.

[1:01:53] She has a final, uh, showdown or so it seems with Garcia.

[1:01:59] She has him in her sights.

[1:02:00] But then her greatest weakness, her kryptonite shows up.

[1:02:04] That's right.

[1:02:05] A little kid who, when she looks at the Garcia's daughter, she sees her own daughter's face

[1:02:10] and that leaves her open to an ice pick attack to the side.

[1:02:14] Uh, and he, we saw him like fucking around.

[1:02:16] For one weakness.

[1:02:17] Yeah.

[1:02:17] We saw him, we saw him, we saw him fucking around with that ice pick right earlier.

[1:02:21] I feel like he was like jamming it into a bucket of ice cubes.

[1:02:25] And I'm like, you don't need an ice pick for this dude.

[1:02:27] Like, they're already cubes.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:28] I mean, sometimes ice cubes, you know, they like melt a little and they freeze together

[1:02:32] and like you gotta re-separate them.

[1:02:35] Oh no, that seems far-fetched.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:37] I'm with Dan on this one.

[1:02:39] Dan won me over with that eyewitness argument earlier.

[1:02:42] Now I'll just believe whatever he says.

[1:02:43] So yeah.

[1:02:44] I see how it is.

[1:02:45] But maybe he's like, maybe he prefers crushed ice to cubed ice.

[1:02:49] Yeah.

[1:02:49] I mean, he is a monster.

[1:02:50] Uh-huh.

[1:02:50] We do know that he is an evil villain.

[1:02:52] So maybe he does prefer to have little weird gravelly chunks of ice that slip into your throat

[1:02:57] and you crunch on them as opposed to beautiful cubes that keep the water cold and you don't

[1:03:02] have to swallow them whole.

[1:03:03] Maybe he's just the kind of evil villain that prefers crushed ice.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:07] You're listening?

[1:03:07] You listening?

[1:03:08] Jesse Thorne?

[1:03:09] Not my dad?

[1:03:10] That's what we think about your pebble ice shit.

[1:03:12] Oh wow.

[1:03:13] Jesse likes pebble ice.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:15] Oh man, I guess I gotta update my fucking live journal about Jesse's preferences.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:20] Yeah, I'll put that in my dossier.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:23] Oh wow.

[1:03:24] You're gonna give that to your hitman squad?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:27] Yeah, my Mr. Sinister style database on everybody I know and everything about them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:32] Uh, so Riley's hurt.

[1:03:35] We do not get the satisfactory ending we were hoping for.

[1:03:39] In fact, there's much more movie to go.

[1:03:41] She escapes the home.

[1:03:43] Garcia gets the remainder of his henchmen around him.

[1:03:47] He is once again impregnable and defended.

[1:03:50] Uh, she goes to the only place she thinks she can go.

[1:03:55] The home of the rival mom, Peggy, where she immediately punches her former rival in the face, ties her up, and then enjoys the luxuries of Peggy's home.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:08] And also threatens her with a gun to the point that Peggy pees herself a surprising amount.

[1:04:14] I mean, I don't know why you're judging that part of it.

[1:04:18] I just say, it was like, it was, I was just surprised at how quickly the pee hit the floor.

[1:04:23] And I'm like, because she puts a gun in her face and then immediately there's water splattering, like there's liquid splattering on the floor.

[1:04:29] And I was like, that's what you like.

[1:04:31] Your pants would absorb most of that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:33] Do you think she was already peeing when, before the gun even came out?

[1:04:36] I mean, that would make sense.

[1:04:37] Oh, because she was tied up for so long?

[1:04:38] Yeah, she already has the gun.

[1:04:39] It doesn't need to be pointed at her.

[1:04:41] But yeah, so we see our hero bully a woman.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:44] Yeah, but you know, she, you know, she deserved having a gun stuck in her face because she was not nice, I guess.

[1:04:49] Do you think she was on the last minute party once?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:52] She was, do you think she was in a, like part of Garcia's plan was he got Peggy to throw that party?

[1:04:58] So.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:00] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:03] So.

[1:05:03] So tell us what happens next with Carmichael.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:06] Yeah.

[1:05:07] So we introduce, you know, the cops show up to Garcia's home.

[1:05:12] They're picking over the bodies.

[1:05:14] We're introduced to Method Man.

[1:05:17] He's in this movie.

[1:05:18] We got a new character who is playing one of the detectives.

[1:05:21] And he reveals that, that Carmichael is unavailable.

[1:05:27] Carmichael's partner Beltran's like, where is he?

[1:05:30] Turns out Carmichael's been lying to both of them.

[1:05:32] And we realize that he is the dirty cop.

[1:05:36] Yeah.

[1:05:36] Just in time for him to show up to meet his FBI contact who we thought was a love interest

[1:05:41] at Skid Row.

[1:05:44] And then he shoots her.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:45] Yeah.

[1:05:45] This is the one stab the movie makes at being like, see, we're not racist.

[1:05:50] The white cop was the bad cop and the Hispanic cop was good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:54] Uh-huh.

[1:05:54] That's true.

[1:05:55] The movie's previous racism made me believe that it was going to go the other direction.

[1:06:00] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:00] I mean, also the fact that the good cop, the man who turns out to be the good cop, Beltran,

[1:06:06] is constantly presented as kind of sinister and hiding something.

[1:06:10] Yeah.

[1:06:10] And like, kind of like a shadowy figure, whereas Carmichael is always presented as being

[1:06:16] Jennifer Garner's kind of sympathetic protector.

[1:06:19] Really, he was just watching her because he's working for the cartel.

[1:06:22] And he calls in the location of Riley's battle van to Diego.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:27] Uh-huh.

[1:06:28] So the drug lord does the, you know, the smart choice, which is he gets all his guys to go

[1:06:34] down to Skid Row and start popping off and shouting and rousting.

[1:06:39] Popping and locking.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:40] They're just dancing.

[1:06:42] Singing Skid Row from Little Shop of Horrors.

[1:06:44] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:44] Yeah, yeah.

[1:06:45] Yeah, so they try and draw out, they try and draw Riley out by attacking the people that

[1:06:52] had previously been under, or I guess still are under her protection.

[1:06:57] And she, I think, kills a couple of them and tricks a couple of them and eventually uses

[1:07:03] a stolen phone to videotape Diego Garcia and Carmichael and videotape all this shit.

[1:07:11] And I guess she FaceTimes the news?

[1:07:15] I don't exactly know how this happened.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:17] It's something that the police are literally like, hey, check out the TV.

[1:07:20] And on the news, Riley is FaceTiming with the anchor explaining what's going on and how

[1:07:26] this is a big deal and that guy's a dirty cop.

[1:07:28] And LAPD, come on down.

[1:07:30] And it's one of those things where you're like, I guess she decided to do it publicly so that

[1:07:34] the LAPD, if they were dirty, couldn't just get rid of her if she just called them.

[1:07:39] But it's just this very funny thing of like, this aspect of like, hey, someone I know.

[1:07:45] It's treated with the importance of, hey, someone I know is on TV.

[1:07:49] Like, oh, Riley North, this person I know a little bit.

[1:07:52] I guess they're in New York and they're behind the window at the Today Show.

[1:07:56] And I can see them waving.

[1:07:57] This is amazing.

[1:07:58] Like, it kind of comes out of nowhere and it's very goofy.

[1:08:00] But it's handled very casually.

[1:08:02] Like, oh, yeah, of course she's just going to FaceTime with the news.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:05] Yeah, so, and I think she uses the phone from the FBI agent, right?

[1:08:11] She finds it on the FBI agent's body in the dumpster.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:14] To be honest, I kind of, I wasn't sure where she got the phone from.

[1:08:17] I had forgotten.

[1:08:18] And so I thought for a minute, oh, did she have a phone this whole time?

[1:08:21] Yeah.

[1:08:22] So did Riley North like go in and sign up for a plan?

[1:08:26] Yep, yep.

[1:08:26] Like, and they're really trying to upsell her on one of the newer iPhones.

[1:08:32] And she's like, I'll just take an older one.

[1:08:33] Like, it doesn't matter.

[1:08:35] Does it have FaceTime on it?

[1:08:36] Yeah, but you're also going to want this measuring app.

[1:08:39] It's like you have a level with you all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:41] I mean, that's kind of useful though, right?

[1:08:44] I use my level app.

[1:08:46] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:46] You know, to hang pictures.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:48] Oh, you have pictures?

[1:08:49] Yeah, I do.

[1:08:50] Wow.

[1:08:50] Okay, Mr. Rockefeller.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:52] Look, I've got friends and I've got pictures.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:55] I guess Dan has this ritual life outside of what I know him from.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:59] So I guess that's what you know me from.

[1:09:01] Oh, you're that guy from the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:03] Uh-huh.

[1:09:05] So Garcia.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:06] So Diego threatens a street kid, right?

[1:09:09] To draw out Riley.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:10] Yeah, he's threatening one of the humble urchins who has been part of the Greek chorus of homeless

[1:09:15] people in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:17] These surprisingly clean-faced street kids.

[1:09:20] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:20] So she turns herself in.

[1:09:23] She turns herself over.

[1:09:24] She kind of like challenges him to a fight and they fight for a little bit and he's beating

[1:09:29] her up.

[1:09:29] And then he knocks her into a shopping cart where Carmichael had previously stashed the

[1:09:38] murder weapon that he used to kill FBI agent Inman.

[1:09:42] And just then, that's about when the police show up.

[1:09:47] Mm-hmm.

[1:09:48] Garcia is not happy about this because previously he thought they were his friends.

[1:09:51] So he just immediately shoots Carmichael in front of everybody.

[1:09:54] And then he and his gang kind of scatter and run amongst the tent city.

[1:10:02] He and Garcia and Riley have their final showdown.

[1:10:07] They punch a bunch and she beats him up and she has...

Dan McCoy

[1:10:11] That sounds like a TV action kid show.

[1:10:16] The punch a bunch.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:19] So she's got a gun on him.

[1:10:21] The cops got guns on her.

[1:10:23] They're like, don't do it.

[1:10:24] And she goes, I'm going to do it.

[1:10:26] So she just shoots him and kills him.

[1:10:27] And then they shoot her.

[1:10:29] And then that's when they like, oh yeah, then she like sneaks away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:34] Well, this is the most inexplicable moment in the movie.

[1:10:36] There are so many cops surrounding them.

[1:10:38] It's a pretty well-lit nighttime area.

[1:10:41] She shoots Garcia and the cops shoot at her.

[1:10:44] And then Beltran's like, stop, cease fire, cease fire.

[1:10:47] And they look and she's gone.

[1:10:49] She's disappeared.

[1:10:50] And it's like, in what?

[1:10:51] The haze of gun smoke?

[1:10:53] Like, how did they...

[1:10:55] Yeah, they were all watching gun smoke.

[1:10:56] So that's why.

[1:10:57] Yeah.

[1:10:57] But it's just this moment of like, there is no possible way they would not see her running

[1:11:01] off somewhere.

[1:11:02] She lets...

[1:11:03] This is the moment where she becomes Jason, essentially, or Michael Myers, where it's like,

[1:11:08] oh yeah, he fell down right over there.

[1:11:09] Huh?

[1:11:10] He's gone?

[1:11:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:11] It's like she realized she was close to death and used whatever item you used to summon yourself

[1:11:15] back to the spawn point.

[1:11:16] So you don't lose all your experience points.

[1:11:18] Exactly.

[1:11:19] So she sneaks off and the detective's like, I know where she's going.

[1:11:24] Because everybody knows everything that's important.

[1:11:26] And they find, of course, Detective Beltran finds her crumpled at the grave of her family.

[1:11:34] She's like, just let me die.

[1:11:35] And he's like, no can do.

[1:11:37] I gotta take you in.

[1:11:38] So she is taken in.

[1:11:40] And then she's in the hospital, handcuffed.

[1:11:45] And Beltran shows up and he's like, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:48] There's an announcement on the TV that the LAPD will be...

[1:11:51] She will be brought up on charges.

[1:11:52] Yeah.

[1:11:53] And she will go to trial, as she should.

[1:11:55] Because no matter how righteous her cause, she is a regular human being who has decided

[1:12:01] to take the law of murder into her own hands and killed dozens of people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:05] So she's handcuffed to the bed and Beltran shows up again.

[1:12:10] And he says, you know what?

[1:12:12] All us cops would have done the exact same thing.

[1:12:14] And then gives her the keys to the cuffs.

[1:12:16] And that is the end of the movie.

[1:12:18] So I wonder, why did he take her in in the first place?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:22] I guess to get the medical care?

[1:12:24] I'm not sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:25] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:25] And also, maybe it looks good for his...

[1:12:28] Does it look good for his record that he closed the case?

[1:12:32] They did his job?

[1:12:32] Yeah, probably.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:33] I love that at his employee review, they're like, okay.

[1:12:37] Compliment number one.

[1:12:39] You really handled the situation well with Riley North in that you brought her in.

[1:12:44] A little bit of a criticism, you let her go.

[1:12:47] You just gave her the key to the cuffs.

[1:12:49] And then I just want to end with a compliment that you really bounced back well from your

[1:12:54] partner turning out to be a crooked cop who was then murdered in front of you.

[1:12:59] So I guess that's the review is I really want you to work harder on not letting them go

[1:13:03] after you bring them in.

[1:13:05] And keeping a better eye on your partner.

[1:13:07] Yeah.

[1:13:07] Letting us know if he turns out to be crooked.

[1:13:09] Yeah.

[1:13:09] So thank you.

[1:13:10] Pretty obvious.

[1:13:11] Send in the next cop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:12] Pretty obvious that he was crooked.

[1:13:13] We gave you all the clues, Mr. Policeman.

[1:13:15] But, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:16] Now, if you need some help, I'll give you the key to the bat signal.

[1:13:23] If you could send in Detective Bullock now for his employee review, I'd appreciate it.

[1:13:27] And Detective Montoya.

[1:13:28] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:29] Yeah, so that is Peppermint.

[1:13:31] We get some hard-rockin' tunes over the credits.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:37] That's Stuart's favorite part.

[1:13:39] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:40] So, all right.

[1:13:40] We've almost gone as long as the movie itself.

[1:13:43] Let's say our final judgments quickly, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[1:13:47] or a movie we kind of liked.

[1:13:48] I think it was bad, bad.

[1:13:50] I think it was, like, the most basic revenge movie.

[1:13:54] But it didn't give me even, like, the sick, like, thrills that a revenge movie normally gives me.

[1:14:00] I wasn't like, yeah, like, kill those people.

[1:14:02] I was like, ugh, this makes me feel gross.

[1:14:05] And I was kind of bored.

[1:14:07] I have to admit, I dozed off a couple times.

[1:14:09] And it was mostly during the action sequences, which...

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:12] Hey, Dan, let me let you in on something.

[1:14:14] You don't have to admit that.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:15] Because we assume it.

[1:14:16] I do have to admit it.

[1:14:17] I'm legally required to admit that I dozed off a couple times during the action sequences,

[1:14:21] which Stuart seemed to think were the best thing about the movie.

[1:14:24] So I didn't even get that enjoyment.

[1:14:26] So, no thanks, Peppermint.

[1:14:29] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:30] Was that supposed to be a pun?

[1:14:32] No thanks, Peppermint?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:33] I don't know.

[1:14:34] It's my 40s detective catchphrase.

[1:14:38] No thanks, Peppermint.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:40] I just like the idea of, like, Dan is like an Arnold Schwarzenegger type action hero,

[1:14:44] and his catchphrase is, no thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:49] So, here's the thing.

[1:14:51] I think this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:14:53] It's kind of creepy, and it's like the thinnest drawn, like, straw man type villains, right?

[1:15:05] But it, I think the action scenes are actually pretty decent.

[1:15:10] They make sense.

[1:15:11] And the storytelling is the fastest I've ever seen.

[1:15:17] They give you all the information.

[1:15:19] It never pauses, although it's way too long.

[1:15:23] If, maybe if the movie had ended the first time she attacked Garcia in his house,

[1:15:28] I might have, like, it might have been a little bit better for, like, a shitty, like, grindhouse movie.

[1:15:34] But it just goes on too long.

[1:15:35] This is a bad, bad movie.

[1:15:36] Don't watch it.

[1:15:38] But Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Garner is, I think, a solid action actor.

[1:15:42] Still, she remains a solid action.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:43] I loved the first few seasons of Alien, so I was kind of excited to see this movie

[1:15:47] before I realized it was going to be horrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:50] And you were telling me how much you loved her as Elektra, right?

[1:15:53] Oh, yeah.

[1:15:54] She was electric.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:55] I think you raved.

[1:15:56] Best Marvel movie ever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:58] Better than Black Panther, raves Dan McCoy.

[1:16:03] I think, yeah, bad, bad movie.

[1:16:05] It makes you feel gross.

[1:16:06] And there's lots of stuff about it, as we mentioned, that is problematic.

[1:16:10] But also, it's just, like, not fun.

[1:16:12] And it's just gross.

[1:16:13] And there's only so much credit I'll give a movie for having a great line like,

[1:16:17] where'd you get that shitty toy?

[1:16:19] If you're going to watch a movie starring a very accomplished actress where she is thrust into a situation where she has to kick ass to protect her child or get revenge,

[1:16:29] there's a movie called Kidnap.

[1:16:31] It stars Halle Berry.

[1:16:32] We covered it on the show before.

[1:16:33] If you want to see, like, a grimy, grindhouse movie about a mom driven to the edge, I'd say go for Kidnap instead.

[1:16:40] That's not my recommendation for the episode.

[1:16:42] But bad, bad movie.

[1:16:43] Go see Kidnap instead.

[1:16:45] Now, guys, let's talk about something that's good, good.

[1:16:48] And that's the MaxFun drive.

[1:16:50] Yes, please.

[1:16:51] The listener's chance, as we were saying, to get involved with the MaxFun community,

[1:16:56] to support the shows they love in the form of monies that we can then spend on clothes, food, housing, luxury items, medical care, all sorts of things.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:08] Renting the movies that we have to watch for the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:11] That's true.

[1:17:11] I mean, there are web hosting, all those big costs.

[1:17:14] So, Dan, I wondered, should we talk about the gifts that people could get?

[1:17:20] Yes, please.

[1:17:21] We know what we get from it.

[1:17:22] We get money.

[1:17:23] But what do the gifts get?

[1:17:24] Well, let's talk about the levels.

[1:17:25] You want me to go through them?

[1:17:26] Yeah, sure.

[1:17:28] Okay.

[1:17:28] First off, there's that $5 monthly membership.

[1:17:31] That gives you access to all the exclusive bonus content from all the shows, over hundreds of hours of bonus content,

[1:17:37] only available to monthly subscriber members.

[1:17:40] What kind of stuff do we have coming down the pipe for our bonus content this year?

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:44] Yeah, I mean, we already posted the first bit of bonus content.

[1:17:48] And what we're working on right now is a continuation of some of the bonus content that we've done in the past,

[1:17:56] which is the Flop Tales episodes where I force you guys to play a role-playing game with me.

[1:18:05] And we originally started as a crossover with the very popular Adventure Zone podcast.

[1:18:11] And then it's kind of spun off in its own stranger direction.

[1:18:17] And I have a couple more episodes ready to go.

[1:18:20] And I'm just hoping that we'll hit the MaxFunDrive target.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:28] Yeah.

[1:18:28] I don't want to backseat bonus content drive here, but I want to make it clear that these extra episodes,

[1:18:36] these role-playing episodes that Stuart was talking about,

[1:18:39] are bonuses that we're looking to do if we meet our goal of, what is it, 25,000 new or upgrading members.

[1:18:48] We have some bonus content out already for current donors or people who are donating this time around.

[1:18:56] And that is us talking about the legendary failed pilot, Puchinski, about Peter Boyle coming back as a dog cop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:04] We use the bonus stuff as an opportunity to do stuff that we don't normally do on our regular episodes.

[1:19:10] It gives us a chance to, I don't know, take a breather.

[1:19:13] And we've already recorded a bunch of stuff in previous years.

[1:19:17] And if you're a MaxFun donor of $5 or more a month, you have access to hundreds and hundreds of hours of stuff from us and others.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:26] So that's the $5 monthly membership, but the really good stuff comes at a little bit more.

[1:19:30] $10 monthly membership.

[1:19:32] You get access to the bonus content plus the exclusive to this drive-your-only enamel pin designed by Megan Lynn Knot.

[1:19:38] And you get to choose what show you want the pin from.

[1:19:41] What did I say?

[1:19:42] Oh, I said Knot.

[1:19:43] Sorry.

[1:19:44] Megan Lynn Knot.

[1:19:45] Megan Lynn Knot is, of course, a different person.

[1:19:50] At $20.

[1:19:51] At the $20 monthly membership.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:52] Another person with no defining features, apparently.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:55] No.

[1:19:56] At $20 monthly membership, you get the bonus content.

[1:19:59] You get the pin.

[1:20:00] And you get a 550-piece Maximum Fun puzzle designed specifically for MaxFun monthly members.

[1:20:07] Hey, you're looking for something to do with your hands and your eyes while you listen to a podcast?

[1:20:11] Maybe do the MaxFun puzzle.

[1:20:13] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:14] Start up a Puzz Club and fucking do some Puzz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:17] Yeah, call it a Puzzcast.

[1:20:18] Be all Puzzy about it.

[1:20:21] You get a glass coffee mug engraved with the MaxFun Rocket logo.

[1:20:25] We love that logo, plus all the preceding bonus stuff.

[1:20:28] And there's some other...

[1:20:29] And once you get a higher $50, $100, $200, you get even more stuff.

[1:20:36] You get a special, extra special medal membership card.

[1:20:39] Or you can be in the MaxFun Inner Circle for $100.

[1:20:42] You can learn about that on the website.

[1:20:45] You get free registration for MaxFunCon 2020.

[1:20:47] That's all stuff.

[1:20:48] But where do people enjoy doing it the most?

[1:20:51] Well, in their bed at home.

[1:20:52] But where do people enjoy donating the most for MaxFun?

[1:20:56] I feel like a lot of people go for the $10 monthly.

[1:20:58] The $20 is also popular.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:00] What's our pin look like this year, Dan?

[1:21:02] Why are you underselling the $20 a month, first of all?

[1:21:05] I mean, please, if you feel moved to, give us $20 a month.

[1:21:09] But yes, also, we should specify that this year's pin, and people love these enamel pins,

[1:21:16] this year's pin, is the Flophouse Housecat, who is not saying rah-rah, as is the trademarks catchphrase.

[1:21:25] He's saying the Flophouse.

[1:21:26] He's saying the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:27] And it's adorable.

[1:21:29] It is adorable.

[1:21:29] It's a very normcore.

[1:21:31] It's an adorable normcore version of the housecat.

[1:21:33] I love it.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:33] It looks very much like my dearly departed cat, Lulu, actually.

[1:21:37] It's a tuxedo cat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:40] So those are the gifts you can look forward to at $10.

[1:21:43] The pin, $5, the bonus content, $20 a puzzle, $35 a glass coffee mug with the Maximum logo.

[1:21:49] And again, when you go at the membership level, you get all the prizes for the lower levels that go along with it.

[1:21:56] It's all great stuff.

[1:21:57] And that's if you donate in a monthly member.

[1:22:00] And so here's how you do donate.

[1:22:01] You go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[1:22:03] Like we said, it's like the membership level you like.

[1:22:05] Look into your heart.

[1:22:07] Look into your wallet.

[1:22:08] Look into your brain.

[1:22:08] Figure out what's right for you.

[1:22:09] Put in your credit card information.

[1:22:11] And the shows you listen to, beep, bop, boop, takes very little time.

[1:22:14] Suddenly you're a member, and those gifts are going to come to you in the mail thanks to the U.S. Postal Service.

[1:22:20] Yeah.

[1:22:20] Thank you, U.S. Postal Service.

[1:22:21] Thank you, Ben Franklin, for being one of the founders of said postal service.

[1:22:24] Okay.

[1:22:25] And for making this possible.

[1:22:26] And why not celebrate that by donating $100?

[1:22:29] That's one Ben Franklin, right?

[1:22:30] I don't know.

[1:22:31] Whatever you want to do.

[1:22:31] Dan, do you want to talk a little bit about the MaxFun Drive?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:34] Oh, thank you for teeing me up.

[1:22:35] I didn't know whether you were going to do it or not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:37] Well, I mean, we talked about me doing it earlier, so I figured I would.

[1:22:41] Yeah.

[1:22:42] And while Dan is rambling on, now's a good time to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and choose the membership level that's right for you and provide your credit card information and your basic information.

[1:22:51] Dan, continue to talk.

[1:22:52] Give them something to listen to while they sign up.

[1:22:54] Look.

[1:22:54] Or upgrade.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:55] So I don't want to bring anyone down.

[1:22:57] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:58] You don't, because that's kind of your thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:01] I don't want to bring anyone down.

[1:23:03] We love doing the show.

[1:23:04] Uh-huh.

[1:23:05] We have a great time doing the show.

[1:23:06] We have a lot of fun.

[1:23:07] It's a good excuse for us three as probably at this point, I would call us best friends.

[1:23:15] Getting in touch regularly.

[1:23:17] Getting to see one another regularly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:19] Best friends who turn down Stuart's invitation to watch a movie together.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:23] It's a good chance for us to stay close.

[1:23:27] It's a good chance for us to talk.

[1:23:28] It's a good chance for us to put out something in the world for you people who enjoy, which we love.

[1:23:33] But I will be honest, it gets tough.

[1:23:36] It gets tough sometimes.

[1:23:38] It gets harder as the years go by to find the time to set aside to record the podcast, to edit the podcast.

[1:23:44] The bigger the podcast gets, the more it's like a second business that we all have to kind of run together.

[1:23:51] So it makes it good if we get money for it.

[1:23:55] That's true, yeah.

[1:23:56] Money equals we can put time into the podcast that you like.

[1:24:00] Yeah.

[1:24:00] And we can do extra stuff like touring.

[1:24:04] I just want to mention quickly, I said something about it last week.

[1:24:09] We are touring this summer and fall, June 8, Portland, July 13, Minneapolis, September 28, Boston, October 12, Los Angeles.

[1:24:20] You can find out about that on the website.

[1:24:23] We won't waste a lot of time on that because it's the MaxFunDrive.

[1:24:25] But that's the sort of thing that having money can let us do.

[1:24:29] Yep.

[1:24:30] So it's good to have as well as, you know, to feed us, clothe us, house us.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:37] Keep Archie and then my multiple cats in food and clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:41] Yeah.

[1:24:41] And my children.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:42] Oh, well, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:44] Yeah, them too.

[1:24:45] Yeah.

[1:24:45] So, yeah, that's the MaxFunDrive.

[1:24:47] Please show us your support.

[1:24:49] We'll talk a little bit more about it again at the end of the episode.

[1:24:53] But take any time you want during this episode to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[1:24:58] Pick what kind of membership level you want to go at and just give us your information and just be a part of the fun that is supporting Maximum Fun and being a member.

[1:25:06] There's a lot of great stuff about it.

[1:25:08] I don't want to tell you all of it because if you're not a member already, you don't deserve to know until you become a member.

[1:25:12] And if you are a member already, then you already know how amazing it is and you don't need me wasting your time telling you.

[1:25:18] So, let's talk about it more later at the end of the episode.

[1:25:21] Maximum Fun Drive.

[1:25:22] Donate now.

[1:25:22] MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[1:25:24] Dan, what do we do next on the regular episode podcast?

Dan McCoy

[1:25:26] Next, we talk to you via the medium of email.

[1:25:31] Uh-huh.

[1:25:31] Specifically, you email us and we talk back to you.

[1:25:34] Uh-huh.

[1:25:34] Letters, we call it.

[1:25:35] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:35] It's our classic segment, email talk back.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:39] This first letter is from, let's see, Taj, last name withheld.

[1:25:44] Mm-hmm.

[1:25:45] Who writes,

[1:25:46] I finally got round to see one of Elliot's favorite films, Tarsing Sings' The Fall.

[1:25:52] I was shocked to find an Elliot suggestion that had been made in the last 70 years, however,

[1:25:56] as the film is set in 1915 and features silent movies, it makes sense why it gets the Caelan seal of approval.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:02] Hardy har har.

[1:26:04] I...

[1:26:05] Well, well, well.

[1:26:07] Okay.

[1:26:07] I get a lot of guff about having love in old movies, but now he's gone too far.

[1:26:13] You know why?

[1:26:14] Why?

[1:26:16] Yeah.

[1:26:17] Because I needed attention.

[1:26:18] I'm sorry, guys.

[1:26:18] I shouldn't have interrupted.

[1:26:19] Dan, continue.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:20] Okay.

[1:26:20] I enjoyed watching it.

[1:26:22] There was a charming child performance at its core and some stunning images.

[1:26:26] There was an unevenness there, too, which reminded me of Terry Gilliam's work.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:29] Is this just fucking Letterboxd now?

[1:26:30] What's going on here?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:33] It reminded me of Terry Gilliam's work, and I wondered how the former Python might have approached

[1:26:37] the fall.

[1:26:38] I suspect there would have been more comedy and even more chaos.

[1:26:41] I then started really wishing for a Guillermo del Toro version.

[1:26:45] My questions are these.

[1:26:47] Do you have any films that you'd like to see directed by someone else?

[1:26:49] If yes, which films?

[1:26:50] By whom?

[1:26:51] And why?

[1:26:52] Bonus question.

[1:26:53] I've recently bought Elliot's excellent Horse Meets Dog to read to my son.

[1:26:57] Oh, thank you.

[1:26:58] That I'm going to try a John Gielgud voice for Horse, but an alive Gielgud, naturally.

[1:27:03] And Alan Cumming for Dog.

[1:27:05] Who would you cast in the roles?

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:08] Oh, wait.

[1:27:09] Which question should we talk about first?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:10] Well, I don't know.

[1:27:11] I've forgotten the first one already.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:13] It's movies directed by different directors.

[1:27:16] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:18] I'll just say it right here.

[1:27:19] I'll just say it right now.

[1:27:20] Pedro M. Odovar's Jurassic Park.

[1:27:22] Mm-hmm.

[1:27:23] For obvious reasons.

[1:27:24] Yeah, yeah.

[1:27:24] No need to say anything else.

[1:27:26] Don't need to explain it.

[1:27:27] That's what I want to see.

[1:27:28] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:28] Probably couldn't.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:31] Yeah, I mean, I guess that's...

[1:27:32] I guess that would probably make more people happy than Mike Lee's Jurassic Park.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:39] Mike Lee's Jurassic Park is entirely just like semi-improvised conversations among the marketing

[1:27:45] team over what they're going to name this dinosaur park.

[1:27:49] Dan, Stuart, do you have any ideas?

[1:27:51] Movies you'd like to see directed by other people?

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:53] Oh, God.

[1:27:54] It's always tough for me to think about...

[1:27:57] To take a movie and then just have a completely different director do it because it's hard

[1:28:03] to say how much impact the original director had on what I liked about the original.

[1:28:08] Are we talking about just...

[1:28:10] I mean, not to ask the rules or anything, but if it's just like a different person starts

[1:28:16] from the screenplay and works their way up, I guess.

[1:28:18] I don't know.

[1:28:19] I'm a big fan of...

[1:28:21] I had mentioned previously many moons ago when I talked about the human centipede, how much

[1:28:31] I would have preferred that movie if it had been directed by Stuart Gordon because the Stuart

[1:28:38] Gordon, much more so than Tom Six, seems to understand, well, how to make a good movie and also

[1:28:45] how to make body horror and physical horror so and gore so physically revolting.

[1:28:55] And I think that would have made that movie a little more effective as opposed to not effective.

[1:29:01] But it's tough.

[1:29:03] Like, outside of that, just saying, like, I would like to see more kind of boring, normal

[1:29:09] Oscar fare directed by weirder directors, like, I would have much preferred...

[1:29:14] I don't know, like...

[1:29:17] I feel like David Cronenberg doesn't get to direct enough movies, so I guess more movies

[1:29:21] directed by him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:22] So, like, Bohemian Rhapsody directed by David Cronenberg?

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:25] I mean, I feel like if you completely change the direct...

[1:29:28] I mean, changing the director in Bohemian Rhapsody is the minimum thing you can do to fix

[1:29:31] that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:32] I mean, it is something they actually did during the production of the film, now that I think

[1:29:36] about it.

[1:29:36] Yeah.

[1:29:37] So, let's say David Cronenberg's Green Book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:41] I don't know about that.

[1:29:43] I didn't see it, and I don't plan to.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:45] I'd assume, then, that the book would become, like, some kind of portal to an alternate universe

[1:29:51] or something like that, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:54] Yeah, and it's bound when human skin or something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:56] I mean, isn't the ultimate body horror the horror that people judge each other by their

[1:30:01] physical appearances and their bodies rather than what's inside them?

[1:30:05] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:07] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:08] Isn't that the ultimate horrible thing that people do?

[1:30:12] Yes, I'll...

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:13] Wow, you're really bumbling this bounce pass, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:16] Well, it's a question I was not prepared to answer, and I get the feeling Elliot is doing

[1:30:22] it as a joke to make himself seem extra, like, you know, like, cool.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:28] Not at all.

[1:30:29] Not at all.

[1:30:30] Okay.

[1:30:31] I'm just saying, look, it's easy for us to escape into realms of grotesquerie rather

[1:30:37] than grappling with the real problems of humanity.

[1:30:39] I mean, that's 100% me.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:45] To answer the question that's not Elliot's question.

[1:30:48] Yeah.

[1:30:49] So, I didn't really think about this that much, despite getting this email early on and

[1:30:54] forwarding it to you guys.

[1:30:56] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:57] So...

[1:30:58] Why would you?

[1:30:58] No, why would I?

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:59] You were busy falling asleep while watching Peppermint.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:01] Had a podcast to record.

[1:31:05] So, the things that occur to me most foremost are movies that were taken away from their original

[1:31:12] director and how I would rather see the original director do it, like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:16] It's a better way to approach my problem.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:17] Like Ant-Man or Lord and Miller doing solo.

[1:31:22] Like, I would have preferred seeing those versions.

[1:31:24] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:24] Or Bryan Singer with Bohemian Rhapsody.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:26] No.

[1:31:27] Did not say that.

[1:31:29] But for other movies, let's just say Joe Dante gets to do all of them.

[1:31:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:35] Yeah, Joe Dante's Green Book.

[1:31:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:39] Do you have anything, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:41] Yeah.

[1:31:41] Pedro Moldovar's Jurassic Park.

[1:31:43] I said it already.

[1:31:43] All right.

[1:31:44] Well, then let's move on.

[1:31:45] I mean, anytime you can have a...

[1:31:47] I mean, similarly to like you're saying, these kind of like middle-of-the-road kind of like

[1:31:51] mainstream movies to having more interesting people doing them.

[1:31:54] I would love for people to...

[1:31:58] You know, the thing that always gets promised, where it's like, oh, this franchise is going

[1:32:02] to have someone with a unique vision take over.

[1:32:04] Uh-huh.

[1:32:04] And that rarely actually happens.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:06] Except for like Alfonso Cuadron's Harry Potter movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:11] Yeah, kind of.

[1:32:12] Or like, I would love to see like, I don't know, people do like James Bond movies who are

[1:32:16] not regular James Bond people or something like that.

[1:32:18] There's so...

[1:32:18] Or like Godzilla movies.

[1:32:19] Like, there's so many of them already.

[1:32:21] We've established the default norm that we can...

[1:32:25] That now they can move off of that and go into other directions, you know.

[1:32:29] But they rarely do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:31] Elliot, nostalgia is very important to people, and people don't actually want to be surprised

[1:32:35] by the thing that they love.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:38] That's a fair point, actually.

[1:32:39] That's a good point.

[1:32:41] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:43] Uh...

[1:32:43] Let's move on.

[1:32:45] Uh-huh.

[1:32:45] To a different letter that I will look at right now.

[1:32:49] Wow.

[1:32:51] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:53] So remember, everybody, think about how great the Flophouse is and donate the amount of

[1:32:57] money you think goes with that.

[1:32:59] Mmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:01] I didn't think so.

[1:33:02] Just click on the Flophouse episode you're listening to now.

[1:33:05] I was looking up something...

[1:33:05] Drag it to your old recycling bin.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:07] I was looking up...

[1:33:08] I was looking up something related to the show.

[1:33:10] Then unplug your computer.

[1:33:12] And Stuart stops talking sooner than I thought, so I needed to flip back to the right tab.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:15] Pour gasoline all over that computer.

[1:33:17] Then light it on fire.

[1:33:19] Get rid of the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:21] Okay, so just put a drill up to your head and trip hand yourself so that the memories of

[1:33:26] this episode flow out the hole in your skull.

[1:33:28] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:31] Christine, last name withheld, writes...

[1:33:33] Uh-huh.

[1:33:33] For Anzzi.

[1:33:34] A car?

[1:33:35] Hey, flippity-floppers.

[1:33:37] I've been seeing a lot of my favorite shows or movies getting the reboot treatment.

[1:33:41] Uh-huh.

[1:33:42] While I would love to see more of these worlds, I feel a disconnect with the new interpretations

[1:33:45] of the material.

[1:33:47] Either it feels tonally off to the source, or it's just a retelling of an already fleshed

[1:33:51] out arc with a new cast.

[1:33:53] I'm not against remakes, but it seems like when a story has reached an end point, we could

[1:33:57] go elsewhere with the plot.

[1:33:59] For example, with talks of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot, I would prefer to see a series

[1:34:05] about a different Slayer in the Buffyverse, like Nikki Reed, Kendra, or have an older Buffy

[1:34:09] become a Watcher training a younger Slayer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:12] What about if it was a fish and it was Orange Ruffy the Vampire Slayer?

[1:34:17] That was certainly worth stopping a letter for.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:25] I'd rather have those than have a new series about her, especially when we already have

[1:34:28] the movie, show, and comic telling her story.

[1:34:31] Are there any remakes that you wish had further explored the world they took place in instead

[1:34:35] of following the characters you already knew?

[1:34:37] Christine, last name withheld.

[1:34:41] Um...

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:42] So...

[1:34:43] I mean, I will say one of the things that I like about the new Star Wars movies is that

[1:34:47] they are shedding the old characters and moving on from them.

[1:34:51] Like, I would...

[1:34:52] As much as I enjoy the old Star Wars movies and love them, I would like nothing more than

[1:34:56] for them to stop talking about the Skywalker family.

[1:34:59] Yeah.

[1:34:59] And...

[1:34:59] You have to let the past die.

[1:35:01] You must kill it.

[1:35:02] Yeah, exactly.

[1:35:03] A thing that did not do this as well, I think, were the J.J. Abrams Star Trek movies,

[1:35:08] where I got so mad that the second movie just ended up being...

[1:35:12] A redo of the Khan story.

[1:35:14] And I was like, can we not do, like, new stories?

[1:35:18] I know it's not exactly the same thing because it's not totally new leads, although it would

[1:35:23] be interesting to me to have new types of characters in those two.

[1:35:25] But, like, to just, like, do a remake of literally a story from before seems like a wasted opportunity.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:31] Come up with a new story, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:32] Or do a remake of Star Trek V, my favorite one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:35] Well, it makes...

[1:35:37] It kind of reminds me of how, like, Dark Horse Comics was doing all those branded, like,

[1:35:43] aliens and predator comics for a while.

[1:35:46] And they seem...

[1:35:48] The comics seemed to handle that stuff so much better than the eventual movies did.

[1:35:53] I mean, this doesn't directly answer the question because I have trouble thinking of a remake

[1:35:58] or a property that had been remade that I cared enough about either part.

[1:36:03] I don't know.

[1:36:04] But the...

[1:36:07] I guess what I'm trying to say is, yeah, I like...

[1:36:11] I'd like to see something more like the way that Matt Wagner handled his Grendel comics

[1:36:17] and his Grendel characters where he...

[1:36:20] After, like, the first Hunter Rose stuff wrapped up, he just kind of went in weirder and stranger directions

[1:36:26] and took kind of the essence of the character or even just the look of the character

[1:36:30] and made weird, strange little sci-fi comics out of him and handed it off to other creators.

[1:36:37] Do you know what I'm talking about?

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:38] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1:36:40] Instead of it just being the continuing adventures of Hunter Rose and then his granddaughter.

[1:36:46] Or...

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:46] And his granddaughter just going through...

[1:36:48] Cycling through the exact same things, basically.

[1:36:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:52] That it then became...

[1:36:53] Using the theme of, I guess, like, the trouble of this spirit of violence that corrupts humanity,

[1:37:00] that it then became this...

[1:37:02] Yeah, some bizarre stories and that then the idea of a Grendel as a thing became the unifying element.

[1:37:08] I think that's a good way to put it.

[1:37:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:10] And I would like to see fewer, you know, lazy reboots like this Mystery Science Theater

[1:37:17] through Thousand, The Return.

[1:37:18] Uh-huh.

[1:37:19] That just rehashes the whole...

[1:37:20] The old format with new characters.

[1:37:23] Not even fully new characters.

[1:37:25] What you would rather have seen is...

[1:37:26] I would like to see the adventures of CamBot grappling with what it's like to be a camera

[1:37:33] that's also a robot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:35] Yeah.

[1:37:36] I mean, that's a pretty good idea.

[1:37:38] They could call it Cam.

[1:37:39] Mm-hmm.

[1:37:40] And it would be about...

[1:37:42] It would be about...

[1:37:43] I don't know.

[1:37:44] Somebody who makes their living by being videotaped.

[1:37:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:48] Go on.

[1:37:48] Okay.

[1:37:48] I'll take these ideas to Joel and I'll see what he says about them.

[1:37:52] He's a young guy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:53] You can probably roll with it, right?

[1:37:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:55] You've always felt that the best thing about Mystery Science Theater is when they're not

[1:37:58] watching the movie.

[1:37:59] And I respect you for that.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:01] I actually really like...

[1:38:02] I really like the host segments.

[1:38:04] I know that they're always, like, deeply, deeply stupid.

[1:38:08] But that's what I respond to.

[1:38:10] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:10] Dan gave up on the bit really fast.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:13] No, I'm honestly saying, I've never understood people who are like, I really like Mystery Science

[1:38:18] Theater, but I don't like, you know, when they're not watching the movie.

[1:38:20] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:21] I don't get it.

[1:38:21] That's crazy.

[1:38:22] What's the same...

[1:38:23] I mean, that's such a lesser version of the people who are like, I love Star Wars.

[1:38:30] I fucking hate the Star Wars movies.

[1:38:31] And it's like, I don't know.

[1:38:32] Hold on a second.

[1:38:33] I don't understand what you like anymore.

[1:38:34] Yeah.

[1:38:35] Like, what's your deal?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:38] Should we move on to the final letter?

[1:38:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:38:40] Why not?

[1:38:41] Okay, this is from Aiden, last name withheld.

[1:38:43] Mm-hmm.

[1:38:44] Hey there, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:45] Oh, God.

[1:38:45] It strikes me that this is a very special episode that hasn't had a song yet.

[1:38:50] So let's have a special song.

[1:38:53] For this final letter, it's gonna be the better letter.

[1:38:57] This last one, cause I'm sure Dan thought about it ahead of time.

[1:39:01] And organized them precisely to save the best letter for last.

[1:39:06] It certainly doesn't seem like Dan that he might just take three random letters and throw

[1:39:12] them in whatever order they happen to arrive in.

[1:39:16] Or maybe the order that they were already in in his inbox.

[1:39:20] That wouldn't be like Dan.

[1:39:22] Dan puts in extra effort all the time.

[1:39:26] He certainly doesn't fall asleep in the movies.

[1:39:29] Or forget what letter we're doing next.

[1:39:32] Or maybe what the question was.

[1:39:34] So Dan, hey, give us this amazing final letter that ties together all the threads that you've

[1:39:41] laid up till this point.

[1:39:43] In some magical mystery way.

[1:39:46] That reveals to us today.

[1:39:49] This intricate design that we call the Flophouse.

[1:39:52] Donate now.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:54] Okay.

[1:39:55] Last letter.

[1:39:56] Thanks.

[1:39:57] Aiden, last name withheld, writes,

[1:39:59] To Stu.

[1:40:00] That's me.

[1:40:01] Which movies pair best with your favorite beers?

[1:40:03] To Elliot.

[1:40:04] I know that you have a strong interest in the presidency of a certain vampire hunter.

[1:40:09] Ruffy.

[1:40:09] But are there other particular periods of world history that intrigue you?

[1:40:14] And are there any good, great movies about them too?

[1:40:17] To Dan.

[1:40:18] You aren't the Leonardo of the group.

[1:40:20] You're the splinter.

[1:40:21] I know that wasn't a question, but I asked Elliot too.

[1:40:25] So I get to sit back, relax, and not answer this.

[1:40:31] So Stu, movies and beers?

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:33] Oh, I mean, based on my beer consumption when watching movies lately,

[1:40:38] I've been going through a lot of the other half Green City IPA,

[1:40:44] which is a nice juicy East Coast IPA.

[1:40:48] And I drink that every time I'm at the movies,

[1:40:50] whether it's a movie that allows me to drink beer or not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:57] So it's the movie that's allowing you to drink beer or not?

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:01] Yeah, yeah.

[1:41:01] I asked the movie.

[1:41:03] Everyone in the crowd yells at me,

[1:41:04] but I wait for the movie to respond.

[1:41:06] And they never do.

[1:41:08] Pardon me, the favorite.

[1:41:11] Would you mind if I enjoy this other half beer?

[1:41:14] And the favorite said nothing to me.

[1:41:19] I was left there just wondering and wanting.

[1:41:22] Similar to the characters of the favorite.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:25] Excuse me, call me by your name.

[1:41:28] Can I call you by my name while I'm drinking a beer?

[1:41:31] Or is that not okay?

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:32] Uh-huh.

[1:41:33] And they're like, well, I'm glad you used our name as part of the question.

[1:41:35] That's impressive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:40] So, favorite movie to drink a beer to?

[1:41:44] All of them.

[1:41:45] On to my question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:46] Yeah, I mean, that's 100% me, though, right?

[1:41:50] Like, I've already made that pretty clear.

[1:41:52] Yeah, sure.

[1:41:53] There's never been a movie that I've watched that I didn't want to be drinking during it.

[1:41:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:58] Elliot's distracted by something, so let's talk about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:01] Elliot's Googling help centers to call.

[1:42:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:05] Does Stuart have a problem?

[1:42:06] Oh, here on Quora, it says no.

[1:42:09] Okay.

[1:42:10] They crowdsourced it.

[1:42:11] I'll say, other periods in world history that I'm particularly interested in, it's hard to find a period in world history that I am not interested in.

[1:42:19] They're all pretty interesting.

[1:42:20] It's taken me until my adulthood to really get into medieval Europe, which I was not so interested in when I was younger, but now I am.

[1:42:28] But great, good movies, that's a good question.

[1:42:30] Look, if you're interested in feudal Japan, there's a ton of different movies to watch.

[1:42:35] Go watch Seven Samurai.

[1:42:37] Go watch Kill.

[1:42:38] There's tons of good samurai movies, so maybe start from there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:40] Sword of Vengeance.

[1:42:42] Yeah, Sword of Vengeance.

[1:42:43] Or Sword of Doom.

[1:42:44] My mistake.

[1:42:44] Sword of Doom, yeah.

[1:42:45] If it's a sword, it's probably good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:49] But there's also, like, if you're interested in kind of pre-Civil War America, this isn't exactly about that history, but the movie The Devil and Daniel Webster is a favorite of mine.

[1:43:02] And it's kind of like if they made a scary movie about the period of America in, like, the 18, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:11] Oh, are they still making scary movies?

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:13] Why, I ought to.

[1:43:14] I mean, how many of them have made?

[1:43:17] Scary movies?

[1:43:18] Uh-huh.

[1:43:18] Like five?

[1:43:19] There's made, like, five or six of them.

[1:43:20] Yeah.

[1:43:21] And I would say a period in world history that people find really boring, but it's not, is Ancient Rome.

[1:43:27] And this is not a movie recommendation, but I would say go read I, Claudius by Robert Graves.

[1:43:32] It's a great book.

[1:43:33] I actually have never seen the miniseries that they made of it, which I've heard all lots is really good.

[1:43:38] But that's a book where it really turned me around on Ancient Rome, where it was hard for me to keep straight any of the history of Rome in my head.

[1:43:46] And I read I, Claudius, and I was like, oh, yeah.

[1:43:47] The secret is they were all individuals and all different people.

[1:43:51] So go watch that.

[1:43:53] Or by watch, I mean look at it with your eyes and then read it.

[1:43:56] Which is like a form of watching.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:58] Yeah, basically.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:00] All right, so let's get on to the final segment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:04] Real quick before we get into that final segment, I just want to relay a little bit of information passed on from my buddy Max.

[1:44:11] I want to give a quick shout out and a congratulations to Flophouse listener Daniel LaSpada for winning his election for Chicago's first ward and being elected alderman.

[1:44:24] Congratulations, sir.

[1:44:26] Okay.

[1:44:28] Now what do we do?

Dan McCoy

[1:44:29] All right, well, thanks for that.

[1:44:31] I forget.

[1:44:32] Oh, wait, we recommend movies.

[1:44:34] Recommendations.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:35] Dan, come on.

[1:44:36] All right, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

[1:44:38] Here's what I do.

[1:44:39] Before every episode, I write up a document with all the things I need to remember for that episode.

[1:44:45] Things that are not that hard to remember.

[1:44:47] Maybe you could have a helper thing like this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:49] You write it down.

[1:44:51] I mean, in Daniel's defense.

[1:44:53] I threw him a curveball.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:55] I was busy thinking like, is this someone that we want to politically endorse?

[1:44:59] Or are they good or they're bad?

[1:45:02] I don't know anything about them, but congratulations to them as a listener.

[1:45:05] Definitely.

[1:45:07] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:08] Yeah, he won on the American Nazi Party platform.

[1:45:12] Sure.

[1:45:12] And we could not be happier.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:13] Yeah, most likely I did literally no questioning or research and just blindly recommended somebody.

[1:45:19] Yeah, right, Dan.

[1:45:20] That sounds like me.

[1:45:22] Idiot.

[1:45:22] Okay, well, thanks.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:24] A lot of attacks on Dan this episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:27] And I don't know why.

[1:45:28] You've been at peak efficiency and peak performance all episode.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:34] It's similar to how King Kong was climbing so high and as he got higher and higher, more planes kept showing up.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:39] I feel like I woke up for the parts of this episode where we're asking for money.

[1:45:46] No, you were great.

[1:45:48] So this is where we recommend movies that we watched recently.

[1:45:52] Hey, guys, I haven't seen a lot recently, so I'm going to recommend something pretty obvious.

[1:45:58] I hope Stuart wasn't already going to recommend it.

[1:46:00] But I went out and I saw Captain Marvel.

[1:46:02] I liked it a lot.

[1:46:03] It was good.

[1:46:04] I like those Marvel movies in general.

[1:46:07] Yeah.

[1:46:07] To me, this was sort of down the middle when it comes to all Marvel movies, but I was really happy to enjoy it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:14] I mean, but as I think Scott DeVice was saying on the last picture show, he mentions that like, or he puts out the idea that Marvel movies,

[1:46:29] the difference between the worst Marvel movie and the best Marvel movie is pretty small.

[1:46:33] Yeah.

[1:46:33] So like right down the middle is pretty good.

[1:46:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:36] I mean, also considering that I have pretty much enjoyed all of them to some degree or another, I, you know, like possible exception, exception one or two.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:46] But you were saying that Ed Norton Hulk really like satisfied you in a way that other movies haven't.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:51] Yeah.

[1:46:51] The Norton Hulk and Thor The Dark World, maybe not so much, but every one of the other ones I would give a recommend to.

[1:46:58] So to say it's down the middle is good praise.

[1:47:01] And I was very happy to see that it made a ton of money proving the internet trolls wrong who just hated, I guess, the idea of a woman in charge of a superhero movie.

[1:47:15] So it's good.

[1:47:17] It's very fun.

[1:47:18] And it's like a fun 90s buddy comedy between Brie Larson and Sam Jackson for most of the part of it, which is something that I very much enjoyed.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:27] Yeah.

[1:47:28] Somebody's finally mining that rich vein of 90s nostalgia.

[1:47:32] Uh-huh.

[1:47:33] Give me some no doubt in that soundtrack.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:37] That podcast that Scott Depuis on is the next picture show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:39] Jesus Christ.

[1:47:40] I'm an idiot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:42] No, it's, you know, but so.

[1:47:43] It's okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:44] You know, he's just, you know, I think he's a listener, so he probably won't be upset at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:49] No, I know.

[1:47:50] And like I listen to his podcast.

[1:47:52] I just don't like remember stuff very well.

[1:47:54] I think we've covered.

[1:47:56] Yeah.

[1:47:59] So I'll look forward to the.

[1:48:01] A little indie film.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:02] Yeah.

[1:48:03] Captain Marvel.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:03] Yeah.

[1:48:04] Hopefully, hopefully your support will help make it some money.

[1:48:07] You know, push it over the top.

[1:48:09] Mm-hmm.

[1:48:10] Cool.

[1:48:10] Uh, I'm going to recommend a little movie called, wait for it, called The Wailing.

[1:48:18] Uh, this is a Korean movie.

[1:48:21] Um, I'm not going to mention any names.

[1:48:23] Oh, like Moby Dick.

[1:48:24] Yep.

[1:48:25] Uh, it's a kind of lengthy, I would almost call it epic, uh, small horror movie.

[1:48:33] Just based on the length.

[1:48:35] Um, but it's this beautiful movie about a, uh, stranger showing up in a isolated, uh, village.

[1:48:43] And all of a sudden a strange kind of sickness starts spreading around and a variety of other

[1:48:49] strange happenings.

[1:48:50] And we follow a kind of, uh, kind of doofy police officer who, uh, is trying to make sense out of what's going on.

[1:49:00] And he also is trying to hold his family together.

[1:49:04] And, uh, it is a kind of moving, it's a moving and beautiful movie that is also strange and scary at times.

[1:49:14] I totally recommend it.

[1:49:16] It's called The Wailing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:18] Oh, I was not familiar with it.

[1:49:19] And looking up now, it was made by the same director who made The Chaser.

[1:49:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:49:23] Which is good.

[1:49:24] Yeah.

[1:49:24] Okay, that's good.

[1:49:27] Uh, and I'm going to recommend a little movie because we're doing little movies today.

[1:49:32] Yep.

[1:49:32] Uh, this is a movie that is not going to, it's not going to change your life.

[1:49:37] It's called, it's called Little Stuart Little.

[1:49:39] It's about Stuart Little when he was a baby.

[1:49:40] Uh, there's, uh, Nick Park who created Walson Gromit came out with a movie last year called

[1:49:46] Early Man that kind of came and went.

[1:49:48] And I can understand why it did.

[1:49:50] It's essentially the story of cavemen having a soccer competition.

[1:49:53] But, uh, we watched it just the other week with, uh, my son.

[1:49:58] We've instituted now Friday night is movie night where he gets to watch a movie.

[1:50:02] Uh, before he goes to bed.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:04] How many of those, uh, how many of those movies are Cars 3?

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:08] We have put a limit on how many times we can watch the Cars movies.

[1:50:12] Because for a while I was like, oh, it's movie night.

[1:50:13] What do you want to watch?

[1:50:14] Cars?

[1:50:15] No, we're not watching Cars tonight.

[1:50:16] Cars 3?

[1:50:17] No, we're not watching Cars 3 tonight.

[1:50:18] Uh, but he's a big fan of Walson Gromit, my son, as of course everyone with love in their

[1:50:23] heart is.

[1:50:24] And I didn't know, early man kind of came and went and I hadn't heard much about it.

[1:50:28] And we were like, we'll give it a shot.

[1:50:29] And it was just really funny.

[1:50:30] Like, which shouldn't have surprised me.

[1:50:32] Like, it has a lot of the Aardman animation inventiveness to it.

[1:50:35] The story is just kind of, you know, whatever.

[1:50:37] It's cavemen who want, it's the same old story of cavemen trying to save the valley from invaders

[1:50:42] by having a soccer competition with them.

[1:50:44] But, uh, it's just a really funny, fun movie.

[1:50:47] And I enjoyed it a lot and I recommend it for families to watch.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:51] Great.

[1:50:52] Okay.

[1:50:53] Three family recommendations.

[1:50:55] Yeah, I guess so.

[1:50:56] Wait, no.

[1:50:57] Well, depends on how cool your family is, dudes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:02] You got Dan.

[1:51:03] You got him on that one.

[1:51:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:04] Okay.

[1:51:05] Now that we've got all that business out of the way, guys, let's talk about something fun.

[1:51:08] Oh yeah.

[1:51:10] We're talking about the MaxFun pledge drive.

[1:51:12] Uh, this is our last break.

[1:51:14] Uh, I just wanted to hammer home that, uh, the MaxFun, being part of the MaxFun network

[1:51:20] is a huge deal for us.

[1:51:22] Um, it was really, uh, it was, it was kind of like a career milestone for us when we were

[1:51:28] invited and we were, we joined the network.

[1:51:31] Um, it feels like we're part of a family and through listening to MaxFun shows and interacting

[1:51:37] with both, uh, MaxFun listeners and the hosts of the other programs, I feel like I've become

[1:51:43] a better person.

[1:51:45] Uh, and I like to think that a lot of that has to do with MaxFun.

[1:51:50] Um, and I think that's an organization that's worth supporting and our shows are all worth

[1:51:55] supporting.

[1:51:56] So if you have, uh, if you have a little bit of spare income and you'd like to support a,

[1:52:03] uh, a bunch of cool shows and you'd like to support the entertainment that helps get you

[1:52:08] through the day, uh, please consider, uh, either donating or if you're already a listener

[1:52:14] and you can afford it and you'd like some of the cool gifts, uh, why not upgrade?

[1:52:18] Dan, why are you laughing at me?

[1:52:20] I was burying my soul, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:22] I was like very touched by what Stuart was saying and Dan is meanwhile just like snickering

[1:52:26] through the whole thing.

[1:52:28] He's a kid, he's like a middle school kid at an assembly about bullying and he's just

[1:52:32] like.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:33] No, it was a very nice thing that was said and it was all true.

[1:52:36] I just, at some point I, I, Dan looked over and on my notebook, I'm just writing 69 over

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:42] and over like a madman.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:46] No, uh, for some reason I suddenly imagined you going, if you've got a song in your heart

[1:52:50] and a dollar in your pocket, donate to a maximum fund.

[1:52:54] That would be, that would be weird for me to say.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:58] That would, that does sound like the thing he would say too.

[1:53:01] Yeah, sure.

[1:53:01] Uh, I, I'd like to say, uh, when it comes to the max fund drive, like, uh, doing the flop

[1:53:09] house is something that's very important to me and I'm always touched by people who take

[1:53:13] something out of it, uh, that helps them in their lives.

[1:53:16] Even if it's just having a silly thing to listen to.

[1:53:19] Uh, it's been very helpful to me to have a source of income that I can rely on that helps supplement,

[1:53:24] uh, what is a pretty uneven lifestyle, which by which I mean being in entertainment and not

[1:53:30] having a steady year round job.

[1:53:33] So I really appreciate that and something that I've come to rely on quite a bit.

[1:53:37] Uh, but max fund is not drive is not just about our show.

[1:53:40] Although our show is important to us and hopefully meaningful to you in some way.

[1:53:44] It's about a family of shows, nay, a galaxy of shows.

[1:53:48] Actually, no, nay, let's go back to family of shows.

[1:53:51] That sounds better because when you donate to us, you're also donating to the network.

[1:53:56] The network helps support a lot of different voices and a lot of different people who now

[1:54:01] have access to a wider audience and now can be a part of this family that we're all in.

[1:54:06] And I wanted to take a moment to thank our existing members.

[1:54:09] Uh, you really make it very possible for us to do this.

[1:54:13] Uh, and we're very glad that you have shown that support for us when you don't have to.

[1:54:17] You could listen to this show for free.

[1:54:19] You could say, hey, cram it with walnuts, buddy.

[1:54:22] Cram it with walnuts.

[1:54:23] I'm going to take this for nothing and I don't want anything to give back.

[1:54:27] But a lot of people have said, no, I don't want to do that.

[1:54:29] I don't want to basically be, let's just say scum, uh, for all those free riders.

[1:54:33] That might be a little harsh, but, uh, there, uh, I want to thank the people who have already

[1:54:37] been supporting us, uh, who are not scum.

[1:54:40] And I want to say that if you like your current membership level, just like stick with it.

[1:54:44] And we would really appreciate that.

[1:54:46] If you want to upgrade, we'd appreciate it so much.

[1:54:49] We would still appreciate that.

[1:54:51] And like, you don't need to do it, but it would just be really meaningful.

[1:54:54] And we have that goal of 25,000 for the whole network, new, upgrading members.

[1:54:59] And that'll help us to do more.

[1:55:00] It'll help MaxFun to do more.

[1:55:02] Like Dan said, things like travel are things that we can do because the flop house has

[1:55:07] this money from members in its coffers that we can use to pay for stuff like airplanes and

[1:55:13] hotels and one, one steak dinner, a trip, which we didn't get to do in Wisconsin, which was

[1:55:19] kind of a bone of contention for me that I was really looking forward to just sitting

[1:55:22] down and eating steak with my buds and we didn't get to do that.

[1:55:24] But you know, whatever.

[1:55:25] Dan needed to go out and hang out with people.

[1:55:27] Sure.

[1:55:27] That's fine.

[1:55:27] Yeah.

[1:55:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:28] Make fun of me while we're asking for money.

[1:55:30] Make fun of me for wanting to hobnob with listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:36] Uh, but this is like when we were first asked, uh, to, well, when we talked to MaxFun about

[1:55:43] it and they agreed to, uh, let us be part of their network.

[1:55:46] I didn't realize what a strong community we were going to be a part of and how many friends

[1:55:51] I was going to make from it and what a, what a real feeling of like togetherness and, uh,

[1:55:57] this connection we were going to get from it.

[1:55:59] And so I appreciate it personally.

[1:56:02] I know we all do.

[1:56:03] And everyone at MaxFun does when our listeners become part of that community too, by helping

[1:56:08] us to keep going and supporting us.

[1:56:09] So we really appreciate it.

[1:56:11] Uh, again, if you can go to maximumfund.org slash donate and select the membership level

[1:56:16] that feels right for you, credit card information, your basic information about shows, and that's

[1:56:20] all it takes.

[1:56:21] And then you can say as you walk around in your daily life, Hey, I'm more than just one

[1:56:26] of these regular people, MaxFun donor.

[1:56:29] I'm a member of the MaxFun family.

[1:56:32] Uh, because like, like Stuart, like Stuart has seen real, you know, change, like he was

[1:56:40] saying, changes in his thinking and being, I think I felt a little bit of that too.

[1:56:43] And it's just been like a really rewarding, wonderful place to be a part of.

[1:56:47] And please help us to continue to be a part of it and help us to keep going.

[1:56:49] We really appreciate it.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:51] Uh, and on a slightly less personal note, but an important note, uh, we sort of addressed

[1:56:55] it, uh, briefly before, but, uh, selecting the shows that you listen to means that the

[1:57:02] money that you give goes directly to supporting the shows that you like, uh, which I think

[1:57:07] is a very important thing that, um, for, for listeners to know that if they're giving money,

[1:57:13] it's going to go to, uh, the entertainment that they are specifically interested in.

[1:57:19] You know, some of it goes to a general operating costs as it should.

[1:57:22] Yep.

[1:57:22] Uh, but the rest goes, uh, directly to us, the, uh, the podcast creators.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:28] And after listening to this episode, if you're already a donor, you can just go in there and,

[1:57:33] uh, remove the flop house because we're terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:36] To set it to zero for the flop house.

[1:57:39] Uh, I think I would say that, uh, knowing this is a max fun drive episode, I felt a little

[1:57:44] bit of extra pressure and might've buckled under that pressure slightly.

[1:57:48] Uh, and Stuart did a great job summarizing and Dan of course did his usual, uh, I don't

[1:57:54] know what he does with his time or with his energy, but, uh, that's.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:57] Sure.

[1:57:58] That's fine.

[1:57:59] I only started the podcast, but it's, it's, it's, it's cool.

[1:58:01] Whatever.

[1:58:02] Oh yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:05] Okay.

[1:58:06] Uh, I will, this is, this might be getting too personal, but also like working as a creative

[1:58:10] person.

[1:58:11] And I, I don't know if Dan feels this way.

[1:58:13] Uh, the, and Stuart is also a creative person, but, but his profession is not based explicitly

[1:58:18] in it.

[1:58:18] So I don't know if it's the same thing.

[1:58:19] I find myself doing a lot of work and this is going to sound woe is me for working on

[1:58:24] TV shows and stuff.

[1:58:25] I find myself doing a lot of work where I am present.

[1:58:29] I am using my abilities to get someone else's message across or get someone else's idea across

[1:58:35] and to have something like the flop house where I can point to it and I can say, that's me

[1:58:40] and Dan and Stuart.

[1:58:41] The things that people like about it, that's me and Dan and Stuart.

[1:58:43] The things people don't like about it, that's still me and Dan and Stuart.

[1:58:46] Like we can take credit, we can take blame, but it's our thing and we can point to it and

[1:58:50] say, that's ours.

[1:58:51] It doesn't, it's not anybody else's and we're not working for anybody else.

[1:58:54] It's something that's very special to me.

[1:58:56] And the max fund drive is really what makes that possible because it makes means that we

[1:58:59] can carve out the time in our busy lives and I can justify to my family sitting downstairs

[1:59:05] for a couple hours, talking to Dan and Stuart about peppermint while my wife takes care

[1:59:09] of both of our children.

[1:59:10] Uh, because max fund donors make it practical, but on an emotional level, I know it's

[1:59:16] very meaningful to me to have a thing where I can point to and I can say that's Dan and

[1:59:20] Stuart's of mine.

[1:59:21] It's nobody else's.

[1:59:22] And that provides something for my soul that's very necessary.

[1:59:25] So thank you to everybody for making that possible.

[1:59:28] Yeah.

[1:59:28] And please help us continue to make that possible.

Dan McCoy

[1:59:30] Yeah.

[1:59:30] I mean, this is broadcast to the world.

[1:59:33] So my official position as a person who's employed regularly is that my job is wonderful

[1:59:38] and I have no complaints.

[1:59:41] But as a human being, my, uh, my message is thank you for keeping me sane by allowing

[1:59:49] me to have a thing that is, uh, my creative endeavor and not me putting words in someone

[1:59:55] else's mouth.

[1:59:56] Um, yeah.

[1:59:58] Uh, yeah.

[1:59:59] What you guys said.

[2:00:01] Uh, all right.

[2:00:02] Well, I guess that is the most elegant way to sum everything up.

[2:00:06] So, uh, thank you for listening.

[2:00:08] Thank you for hopefully donating.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:11] Uh, go to maximumfund.org slash donate.

[2:00:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:14] And while you're at maximumfund.org, you can check out other shows, obviously.

[2:00:18] Yeah.

[2:00:18] Tons of great content.

[2:00:19] Keep on tweeting about us.

[2:00:20] Keep on rating us on iTunes.

[2:00:22] But, uh, for now.

[2:00:24] Yep.

[2:00:24] We should say goodbye.

[2:00:25] And I'm saying goodbye.

[2:00:26] And my name is Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:28] I'm also saying goodbye.

[2:00:29] And my name is Stuart Lenton Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:33] I'm saying goodbye.

[2:00:34] And I'm also saying going to maximumfund.org slash donate and, uh, donate some more, upgrade

[2:00:38] your membership or whatever.

[2:00:39] I don't know.

[2:00:40] But I'm saying goodbye mostly.

[2:00:41] And my name is Elliot Charles Kalin II.

[2:00:46] See ya.

[2:00:46] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:59] And Dan, uh, you, just sit back, be your regular self, uh, just kind of be bemused at

[2:01:05] the whole thing.

[2:01:06] Okay.

[2:01:06] Thanks.

[2:01:07] And, uh, eventually chortle.

[2:01:08] And that's how we know you're here.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01:10] Thank you.

[2:01:11] Wow.

[2:01:11] That's an accurate representation of Dan's performance sometimes.

[2:01:15] Burn.

[2:01:16] Burn.

[2:01:16] I'm just kidding, Dan.

[2:01:17] You're an integral part.

[2:01:19] Hey.

[2:01:19] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:22] Somehow a harsher burn.

[2:01:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:28] Maximumfund.org.

[2:01:29] Comedy and culture.

[2:01:30] Artists don't.

[2:01:31] Audience supporting.

Ep. #280 - Peppermint

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