Ep. #289 - Robin Hood

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Robin Hood.

[0:03] You mean The Adventures of Robin Hood from 1938?

[0:05] No, not that one.

[0:06] Robin Hood from 1973?

[0:08] No.

[0:09] Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves from 1991?

[0:11] No.

[0:12] Robin Hood, Men in Tights from 1993?

[0:14] Nope.

[0:14] Robin Hood from 2010?

[0:16] No.

[0:17] Then, Robin Hood from 2018?

[0:20] That's the one.

[0:30] Hey, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:49] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:50] Oh, hey, guys.

[0:51] It's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:52] And this is Elliot Kalin.

[0:54] Guys, it sounds like we're in the same room right now.

[0:57] How is that possible?

[0:57] No, the acoustics are so great.

[1:00] Everyone's like, are they in a professional sound studio?

[1:02] Yeah.

[1:02] Maybe where Paul McCartney recorded most of the parts for the Wings albums?

[1:06] Oh, he did that?

[1:08] He did that in a sound studio?

[1:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:10] He didn't do it just like in a looking-to-sweets hotel room.

[1:14] Well, it sounds so great because you were nailing up, like, eggshell foam in the room,

[1:19] right?

[1:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:20] Will I lose my deposit on this hotel room?

[1:22] I mean, I don't think...

[1:23] I think it doesn't matter.

[1:24] It just sounds so good.

[1:25] You'll just play the podcast for them and they'll just be like, hmm, nothing in the

[1:29] rulebook says you can't put eggshell foam in here.

[1:31] I'm pretty sure there is a rulebook that says you can't just nail stuff to the wall.

[1:34] We'll figure that out.

[1:35] Yeah, but it's no joke.

[1:36] We're in a glamorous Lockington.

[1:39] Woo!

[1:40] The hotel's so glamorous they provide shampoo but not conditioner.

[1:45] Sorry, Rockefeller.

[1:47] And the tiniest of the tiniest shampoo bottles.

[1:51] Even for a hotel room, it's a tiny bottle.

[1:53] Yeah, I accidentally snapped the cap right off the top of it while trying to open it

[1:58] and I thought for a second, was I hit by radiation?

[2:01] Has my strength increased a thousandfold?

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:03] No, no.

[2:04] Or maybe there's like a bullet that has been lodged in your brain and it's slowly traveling

[2:09] toward the center of your brain to kill you but in the meantime it makes you super strong.

[2:13] That's how medicine works.

[2:15] Anyway, what are you doing this podcast, Dan?

[2:18] Well, guys, it's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:22] Here's my favorite thing about what just happened.

[2:24] Is Dan asked himself the question and then seems to not remember what the answer is for a moment.

[2:30] They say when you're a lawyer, never ask a question you don't know the answer to.

[2:33] But I would say in real life, never ask yourself a question you don't know the answer to.

[2:37] What I like about that bit, Elliot, is, oh yeah, you did it.

[2:45] So Dan, we watched a bad movie.

[2:46] Now we're going to talk about it.

[2:48] Yeah, we watched Robin Hood.

[2:50] No extra words.

[2:52] We all know it's not a Men in Tights.

[2:54] It's not a Prince of Thieves.

[2:56] It's just we all know Robin Hood, the character.

[2:59] No waffling around.

[3:00] No fencing about Robin Hood.

[3:02] Yeah, no Robin Hood colon bad boy boogie or anything like that.

[3:07] No, that would have been appropriate, I think.

[3:09] Robin Hood colon wild in the streets.

[3:13] Now, I'm surprised because we'll get into it, but I'm surprised since they wanted to

[3:16] make this movie kind of gritty and modern that they didn't just call it Hood.

[3:20] That would have made more sense.

[3:21] Was it because of the TV show The Cape?

[3:25] Now, was that a TV show about...

[3:28] A man who makes capes, yes.

[3:29] Cape Cod?

[3:29] Yeah, it was about a man who makes capes on Cape Cod.

[3:33] Because there's a villain who owns much of the property in Cape Cod whose name is Chess.

[3:38] Yeah, so Dan, Robin Hood.

[3:42] Yes, wait.

[3:43] Explain.

[3:45] Well, do you want me to explain the character of Robin Hood?

[3:47] Yeah, so anyone who's not familiar with the centuries-old character of Robin Hood,

[3:51] what's his deal?

[3:52] What's he like?

[3:53] What are his turn-ons and turn-offs?

[3:54] Is he just like us?

[3:55] In the simplest of words, Elliot, he robs from the rich and he gives to the poor.

[4:00] I thought you were like, in the simplest of words, Elliot, he-man take thing.

[4:05] He-man take thing, not his.

[4:07] Now, in the earliest versions...

[4:09] He robs from the rich and gives to the poor where?

[4:10] In 1970s Burbank, California?

[4:13] Is it in 1920s Paris?

[4:15] Is he a caveman?

[4:16] Where, Dan?

[4:17] Set me a scene.

[4:18] In old-time England.

[4:21] The merry old era?

[4:22] Merry old era.

[4:24] In Sherwood Forest and in Nottingham.

[4:26] Okay.

[4:27] And back when everybody had green sleeves playing in their Walkman.

[4:32] You could not pass a car window without hearing green sleeves blasting out of it.

[4:36] It was surely the song of the summer.

[4:39] Now, in the earliest versions of Robin Hood, Robin Hood was a member of the Yeoman class.

[4:45] How do you pronounce that?

[4:46] Yeoman.

[4:47] No, he was also a Yeoman.

[4:48] He was a human.

[4:49] If this was D&D, he would be a human class.

[4:51] I mean, that's not a class, it's a race.

[4:54] I don't know.

[4:55] He was a landowner, but he was not a noble.

[4:58] In later versions of Robin Hood's story, he was a noble who turned against the government.

[5:05] And that is the more popular one to adapt these days, it seems.

[5:08] When he was a Yeoman.

[5:09] It's great when a super wealthy, rich landholder deigns to give poor people stuff.

[5:14] Yeah.

[5:15] Yeah, we'll get to that.

[5:16] So he was Robin of Locksley, right?

[5:19] So you're saying when he was a Yeoman farmer, it was just, that's Robin who lives in Locksley.

[5:23] But then he became Lord Robin, owner of Locksley.

[5:26] My knowledge is not that deep.

[5:29] The thing is that you don't need to have that much knowledge because as the movie opens and

[5:32] we look at a leather-bound tome that says Robin Hood on it, we get some narration from

[5:37] a character named Tuck.

[5:39] Oh boy, everlasting.

[5:40] Who is immediately winking at the audience being like,

[5:44] hey, all that stuff about history, forget all that shit.

[5:47] What year is it?

[5:48] Who cares?

[5:49] Let's just do this story, dudes.

[5:51] It's a lot of the like, the story you've heard is wrong.

[5:54] Don't think that what they tell you is the right thing because real history is a lot

[5:57] messier.

[5:57] And then spoiler, he goes on to tell the least messy, most by the numbers.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:02] This is exactly.

[6:02] This is not your daddy's Robin Hood, which would have been Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.

[6:08] Or your grandpa's Robin Hood, Errol Flynn and the Adventures of Robin Hood.

[6:12] Uh-huh.

[6:13] So the movie opens with a young ninja dressed like Katana sneaking into a stable.

[6:19] Now, are they dressed like Katana or more like an Assassin's Creed?

[6:23] I think she's dressed more like Princess Katana from the Mortal Kombat series.

[6:27] But I don't know.

[6:28] I'm not a big Assassin's Creed guy.

[6:29] I think we established that in the Assassin's Creed episode.

[6:32] The asterisk.

[6:32] See the Assassin's Creed episode.

[6:35] So this ninja sneaks into a stable.

[6:38] She is accosted by a handsome landowner.

[6:41] A young landowner.

[6:43] Wow.

[6:43] A young lord.

[6:44] Whose name he gives as?

[6:46] Rob.

[6:46] And we find out that her name is Marion.

[6:49] Oh, it's a twist on the Maid Marian.

[6:51] Already, we're like.

[6:52] Is it a twist on it?

[6:54] I mean, because this isn't the Maid Marian who's like, oh, save me, save me.

[6:57] This is a Maid Marian who steals.

[6:59] She's tough.

[7:00] She probably fucks.

[7:01] And she's really stealing Stewart's line there.

[7:05] And she's just like everyone in this movie is a super badass.

[7:07] And Tuck has already said earlier.

[7:09] He goes, the story starts with a thief, but not the thief you're thinking of.

[7:13] Uh-huh.

[7:13] Record scratch.

[7:16] That record, of course, is Greensleeves.

[7:19] So we get a little bit of a love montage between Rob and Marion.

[7:23] What is she stealing?

[7:24] She's stealing a horse to give to a local farmer whose horse has died.

[7:27] And Rob at first makes it seem like he's a stable boy.

[7:30] But actually, he's the owner.

[7:31] And he lets her get away.

[7:33] At that point, it's not stealing.

[7:34] It's just a gift.

[7:35] He looks hot enough to be a stable boy, but clean enough to be a lord.

[7:41] Sheets, streets, et cetera.

[7:43] So we get a love montage between Rob and Marion.

[7:45] Fast forward, explains how great everything is.

[7:48] We see a little bit of the evil Sheriff of Nottingham from behind.

[7:51] Like, ooh, who's that guy?

[7:53] We're told again to forget history.

[7:55] Forget what you think you know.

[7:56] This is no bedtime story.

[7:59] Hell yeah.

[8:00] Robin gets a really cool letter in the mail that is a draft notice for the Third Crusade.

[8:05] As they did at the time.

[8:07] It's so funny because it's written out like,

[8:09] you have been drafted to join the Third Crusade, signed by the Sheriff of Nottingham.

[8:14] And it's like, this is the beginning of the parallel they're trying to draw between

[8:20] modern times and Robin Hood times.

[8:24] Which parallel, spoiler alert, does not work.

[8:28] The, yeah.

[8:28] So he goes, he goes off to war with the other doughboys.

[8:33] With the host of the doughboys?

[8:34] No, isn't that what they called like, uh...

[8:36] Those World War I soldiers are doughboys, yeah.

[8:37] Yeah, I know.

[8:39] Yeah, I'm not a maniac.

[8:42] I know, you're making a joke.

[8:43] Maybe not for that reason.

[8:44] I mean, you're a maniac on the floor.

[8:47] So there's a couple of questions.

[8:48] You took part in that drug trial in the future.

[8:50] So that makes you a maniac, right?

[8:51] Where it didn't really go anywhere.

[8:53] Yep.

[8:53] And that's, taking those drugs had me, what?

[8:56] Cutting off people's scalps and putting them on mannequins?

[8:58] Is that what happens in that movie?

[8:59] Probably, yeah.

[9:00] Let's ask our old pal, Elijah Wood.

[9:03] I think you're talking about two different maniacs at this point.

[9:05] We are.

[9:05] Maniac McGee.

[9:07] I slapped Dan's shoulder expecting a dead-on Elijah Wood impression, but I got nothing.

[9:12] I'll make my eyes grow three sizes.

[9:16] Oh, just like the Grinch.

[9:17] Just like, uh, Battle Angel Levi.

[9:19] When he saw that roast beef.

[9:20] So apparently the Sheriff of Nottingham can, like, draft a nobility?

[9:27] The Sheriff of Nottingham seems to be a all-powerful guy in the Nottingham region.

[9:33] Now, he, there's a council of lords, but they don't really do anything other than advise him.

[9:38] And also, the only power higher than him is the Catholic Church,

[9:41] which raises its own questions about how this, this England works.

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:45] But, uh, Stuart, so they go and they're, and they're fighting.

[9:48] Is this war like the Crusade movies we've seen before?

[9:51] Heck no, it isn't.

[9:52] Well, it depends on what you mean by a Crusade movie,

[9:54] because it's a lot like any movie that takes place in, like, modern, uh, Middle East war.

[10:00] movies. So like your Blackhawk Downs. Yeah, your Hurt Lockers. It takes place four

[10:04] years later, right? We get a little four-year-later joke. I don't remember. Robin and his unit

[10:08] are pinned down by a mechanized crossbow sniper. Yeah, it's basically like a

[10:13] gambling gun crossbow. And at that point I was like, you know what? If the movie

[10:17] maintains this level of stupidity, maybe I'll actually enjoy it out of just like

[10:22] how dumb it is. But it doesn't really. I love this shot of like Middle Ages

[10:27] Crusaders like sneaking through a ruined city, holding their bows at the

[10:33] ready like they're rifles. Yeah, like shouldn't they have like shields and

[10:38] stuff that would totally serve them better against this mechanized crossbow?

[10:41] And also the idea that the Crusades was like a modern war where it's like, and I could

[10:45] be wrong on this, but like street by street fighting through ruins that were

[10:48] caused. I mean there's literally a part where they're like, they have their

[10:51] little mission and they're like, get out of the way, I'm calling in the stones. And

[10:55] he like, what, sends up a flare so that they shoot, they catapult rocks in?

[11:00] Yeah, like a mortar attack, but instead of, I mean the results are the same.

[11:03] It's one of those things that almost all movies do where they're

[11:07] like, when a stone or a cannonball hits, it's an explosion. Like it explodes like

[11:12] it's a bomb. And when I was first watching this, at first I was like, I was

[11:15] kind of into it. I was like, okay this is a different way to show the Crusades.

[11:18] Like they're clearly trying to make it as modern as possible, but it just

[11:22] doesn't work. When Robin, I was gonna say Sherlock, when Robin is

[11:27] a wrong English public domain character, when Robin goes off to stop this, it's

[11:31] the class, and also the thing you've seen in every war movie where it's like, we're

[11:34] pinned down by a sniper, I'm gonna go stop him. Hey, that's an order, come back.

[11:37] And he goes off and takes care of this sniper. Yeah, he's such a badass.

[11:40] Yeah, like in The Marine. Yeah, or Saving Private Ryan. Oh yeah, there's other

[11:45] movies than The Marine. There's at least three. There's Saving Private Ryan, there's

[11:50] Robin Hood, and there's 9 to 5. I don't remember if there's a sniper scene in 9 to 5,

[11:55] but probably. But the minute he's like, stay with your unit, that's an order, I

[12:00] was like, okay this doesn't work. Yeah, and I like the idea that like, I mean this

[12:04] guy's landed nobility, right? So like, who's giving him an order? He would have

[12:09] raised, he would have taken his, what, fiefdom people, his serfs, and

[12:14] then would have said like, you're in my unit now, I'm raising you

[12:18] and I'm raising the money, and we're gonna go fight. Yeah, and he's like, and I'm going to go

[12:22] to another country and steal stuff with all my other friends, because that's

[12:26] basically what they were doing. If you come with me and kill a bunch of Moors,

[12:29] then the Pope will forgive me for all the terrible things I've done. So we're

[12:34] doing this right now. Like it's, it's what they're just trying to cram.

[12:37] But we should, we should forget all the history that we think we know.

[12:40] Good point. I mean, that's right, you know what, I forgot what Doug told me in the

[12:43] beginning. Forget all the history you know about how the Crusades were. The other

[12:45] weird thing is that they're, they're running around with bows and arrows, and

[12:48] you know, they're fucking sick with those things, and they're pinned down by a

[12:51] mechanized crossbow, and they act like this thing is like serious business. But

[12:56] like, later on we see, just like regular guards, like regular, basically like the

[13:02] police force for the Sheriff of Nottingham, all have the same like

[13:05] mechanized crossbows. Yeah. So like, it is weird that those, those like regular

[13:10] guards have better equipment than these soldiers do, but you know. It's a, it's a

[13:15] cutting comment on how we often send our men and women of the fighting forces

[13:20] into battle unequipped. Remember their unarmored Humvees during the beginning

[13:23] of the Afghanistan and Iraq Wars. I thought you were going to say in the beginning of the movie.

[13:27] In the beginning of the movie. I wish, it'd be like, forget what you know about Robin Hood, and then he's just

[13:32] tear-assing around in a Humvee. Like, with Aerosmith blasting out of the speakers.

[13:38] So. I'm sorry, Aerosmith covering Greensleeves. Yeah, so Robin Hood goes behind enemy

[13:43] lines to save his buddy Clayton, who has been captured. Then they get ambushed by

[13:47] an even cooler giant crossbow. Then they call down a trebuchet strike by using a

[13:53] flare, and they're supposed to retreat. Robin Hood gets almost captured and

[13:57] killed by like, the leader of the, the, the Moorish forces. Yeah. But then. Who's a super badass.

[14:04] Yeah, he's like the most badass. But then. Lots of flips. You think he's like a Jedi?

[14:08] What's going on? Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming he's, yeah. And he. I'm like, can, can

[14:13] Muslims do that? Oh my god, now I understand why Republicans are so scared of him.

[14:18] And right before he's about to get stabbed to death, his unit commander, Guy of Gisborne,

[14:24] or Guy of Gisborne. Guy of Gisborne, yeah. Jumps out and chops off the Moor's hand, and saves Robin's life.

[14:30] And that means the Infinity Gauntlet falls to the ground, and they're all scrambling for it.

[14:34] They can't let him get it, right? We see them scrambling for a while. And then Robin,

[14:40] then we cut to some scenes in like, the, the English camp, where, the Crusaders camp,

[14:45] where they have all the prisoners. And Robin is like, wandering around in that like,

[14:50] post-battle fugue, distressed by the horrors of war. And he's watching as they're, they're

[14:55] executing their prisoners. Yeah. Torturing them for information. Yeah, that's how we know

[14:59] that Robin Hood is a good dude. Because he's like, hey. He's still Roblox at this point.

[15:03] Maybe, maybe you shouldn't just randomly kill prisoners. He's like, hey, I know I'm also

[15:09] part of the fighting force that has invaded this foreign country, because for some reason

[15:14] the Pope has decided he wants it really badly. I mean, for some reason, because it's sacred to them

[15:18] like it is to everybody. Not to everybody, but to everybody in the Judeo-Christian Islamic faiths.

[15:22] And probably some other ones that I don't remember. Baha'i maybe? I don't know enough about Baha'i.

[15:26] Guys, I'm trying to cover my bases. I don't want to leave anybody out. But he's like,

[15:30] I know I was part of this, and I was literally just killing these guys a moment ago.

[15:33] But now, I'm the good guy. Yeah. And so I'm mad about all this stuff. Not mad about it like,

[15:38] mad about you, where it means I'm in love with it. Mad about it like...

[15:41] Well, sort of in love. I don't know about those guys.

[15:46] But anyway, yeah, he's the good guy who thinks they should be treating the prisoners right.

[15:49] So we're, the enemy soldier who almost killed Robin Hood is revealed to be played by Jamie Foxx.

[15:57] And Jamie Foxx is pleading to save his son, who has his head on the execution block.

[16:03] Right before he gets his head chopped off, Rob, in an act of sympathy,

[16:08] pulls out his sword and deflects an executioner's axe with it, which is wild.

[16:13] Like, that's crazy. That would never happen.

[16:15] In reality, probably the axe would just push the sword down, and the sword would cut the guy's head off.

[16:19] And Rob would be like, oh, oh, oh. And they'd be like, cool move, bro. Cool.

[16:23] Yeah, they would say two-hit combo on the screen. They'd be like, wow, I haven't done a combo before.

[16:27] It would be like in Barry when he kills that guy, and they're like, Barry, you're a maniac. Yeah, awesome.

[16:32] And, yeah, and there'd be a moment of him, like, staring at the sky like, why? I was trying to be better.

[16:37] Yeah, and then we cut to Robin Hood in his acting class with Henry Winkler.

[16:40] And Henry Winkler's like, you've got to tell that story, Robin.

[16:43] But I can't. This isn't, forget about history. Forget about the stories you heard.

[16:47] So, so Rob, his turn traitor on his unit, he gets shot in the chest with an arrow.

[16:53] And they're like, if you weren't a lord, we would hang you.

[16:55] But instead, put him on a hospital boat back to England.

[16:59] One of at least two or three times.

[17:01] Chopper him out, boys.

[17:03] One of at least two or three times where Robin gets what should have been a fatal wound with the medical technology of ye olden days,

[17:09] but instead he shakes it off, like Taylor Swift.

[17:13] Which she got shot with an arrow.

[17:15] Yeah, and then she shook it off.

[17:16] By Katy Perry.

[17:17] But she was shot with an arrow through the heart.

[17:19] And that arrow was shot by a man named Cupid.

[17:21] And that man is cruelly wanted by the police for shooting Taylor Swift with an arrow.

[17:24] If you've seen a man answering to the name Cupid, please contact local authorities.

[17:28] He's wearing a diaper.

[17:32] You'd think that would be easy to catch.

[17:34] But I guess he's got wings.

[17:35] It's hard to catch him.

[17:38] So in the process of Rob turning traitor, he also released all the captives.

[17:43] And one of those captives who's released is Jamie Foxx's character, who grabs a couple weapons and then sneaks aboard and stows away on the same hospital boat going back to England.

[17:52] Why?

[17:54] We'll find out.

[17:56] So Rob gets home.

[17:58] He goes back to Loxley Manor, which has been – the whole village seems to have been razed.

[18:04] His home has been sacked and is in extreme disrepair.

[18:09] And there's a sign that says it's been seized by the Sheriff of Nottingham, which is like – I mean wouldn't he just have installed one of his own lords into that castle?

[18:18] Because, like, there's money to be made on that land.

[18:21] You don't just, like, leave it there.

[18:23] You're not leaving it as a haunted house for kids to dare each other to go into because they think a witch lives there.

[18:28] Yeah, like that's where Darkman does his research.

[18:30] Well, it's like the movie.

[18:32] And makes his cool mask.

[18:33] Makes his little nose.

[18:34] Yeah, his little nose.

[18:36] I'll give myself a button nose today.

[18:39] It's the movie – so the Sheriff of Nottingham, he's stealing all this money with his war taxes to pay for the war.

[18:44] But the movie seems to think that the way you tax someone is by going to their house and taking all their money and then kicking them out of town.

[18:50] And it's like, no.

[18:52] Like Stuart's saying, like, you keep them working and take the stuff that they're making so that you make more money.

[18:57] It's the very – I guess what I'm saying is the Sheriff of Nottingham is a short-sighted planner, as we'll learn later.

[19:03] The value of Locksley Manor is probably not in the, like, furniture.

[19:09] They only take the effects.

[19:11] What about his rich pasture lands?

[19:12] Burn them, I suppose.

[19:14] I'm really interested in the tapestries.

[19:17] I want to take them on Antiques Roadshow to get a sense of what they're worth and then go on Palm Stars, really get my money.

[19:24] So Robin shows up to the confessional where he bumps into his old pal, Tuck, who had been narrating earlier.

[19:31] His old pal that we've never met before.

[19:33] Yep.

[19:34] And also, why does he go to the confessional?

[19:36] Probably to find Tuck so he can find out what's going on.

[19:40] So we find out that Robin had been falsely pronounced dead by the sheriff two years ago and that his lands had been seized and that other lands had been seized.

[19:48] And the commoners had been forced to work in the mines, which is kind of like the Narrows in Batman Begins.

[19:54] Not the first of many comparisons to Batman Begins.

[19:57] This movie is kind of cobbled together from the part.

[20:00] So Batman Begins, Casablanca, The Hurt Locker, like other movies, it's like, they're like,

[20:05] we're going to stitch together a Frankenstein of movies and then put Robin Hood's brain in it.

[20:10] And hopefully it'll shudder around and act like a movie.

[20:12] And it kind of reminds me of the recent Devil May Cry remake, the DMC remake,

[20:19] which is the same like the same kind of design and everything.

[20:21] And Tuck is a cool priest, like the like the priest from Fleabag.

[20:25] Not as incredibly hot, but the same sort of attitude.

[20:28] I would say he's not a cool priest at all.

[20:30] He's a goofy, lovable priest.

[20:32] Okay.

[20:32] He's what I would call-

[20:33] He's cool in that he doesn't seem to like be like your average, like God-

[20:38] Well, he's the monk who's like-

[20:40] God-slinging guy.

[20:41] He's casual with everybody and calm, but he's the only one who truly believes in the words of Christ.

[20:45] Everyone else is venal and power hungry.

[20:47] But he's got like long, greasy, stringy hair and like a beard.

[20:50] And he's always like, oh, I'm making jokes.

[20:52] He's kind of what I would call Russell Brand X.

[20:54] Oh, yeah.

[20:55] You can't get the real Russell Brands to get Russell Off Brands.

[20:58] I was going to say that like the casting notes were like, give me 10% Bill Bailey.

[21:03] Yeah, no.

[21:04] 100%.

[21:05] I actually had to check to make sure he wasn't Bill Bailey.

[21:08] And you're like, wow, Bill Bailey looks great.

[21:10] So the problem was Bill Bailey didn't come home.

[21:12] And they're saying, why don't you come home, Bill Bailey?

[21:13] Why don't you come home?

[21:15] He wouldn't do it.

[21:16] So they got this guy instead.

[21:17] Okay, so-

[21:18] Oh, so Sheriff of Nottingham's taken over everything.

[21:20] I forget.

[21:20] Did you say what's going on with Marion?

[21:22] Yeah, so Robin goes to track down Marion, who is operating some kind of a soup cart

[21:28] And this is another one of those things where it's like, how do I show she's a heroic character?

[21:32] I know she'll be feeding the poor of the mines, which is stolen from Metropolis, I think.

[21:37] Like, I mean, I'm sure they didn't originate in Metropolis.

[21:39] But it's just like the whole movie is just pieces of other movies thrown into a pot,

[21:43] into a rich stew, a rich gumbo.

[21:45] And while she's feeding some poor people, all of a sudden,

[21:48] Jamie Dornan walks up with like a really fetching cardigan combo on her.

[21:54] And she gives him a kiss.

[21:55] And you're like, oh, fuck.

[21:57] You're like, no, he's going to be controlling.

[21:58] Like, he might spank you in a way you enjoy, but he's going to take over your life.

[22:02] Yeah, it's a real bummer.

[22:04] I think you mentioned the clothes.

[22:06] I feel like to set the scene, we should mention also that no one's wearing, like, period,

[22:09] really specific clothes.

[22:10] They're wearing the classic, like, everyone's wearing kind of like leather and button downs

[22:16] and things that are not exactly, and like torn scarves.

[22:20] Like, not exactly old, but not exactly new.

[22:22] Yeah, like cosplay version of Robin Hood, kind of.

[22:25] Yeah, yeah.

[22:26] As we're introduced to the Sheriff of Nottingham, played by Ben Mendelsohn, it feels like they

[22:30] were like, not only do we want you to basically bring your character Orson Krennic into this

[22:36] movie, but also bring his outfits.

[22:40] There's, like, these shots of him putting on his long leather duster.

[22:43] And I'm like, is that the same coat that he was wearing in Force Awakens?

[22:46] It's in Rogue One?

[22:47] Like, he must have stolen it from the shoot.

[22:50] He puts on that coat after he brushes his hair with two brushes simultaneously and

[22:55] immediately I'm like, give me more of this.

[22:57] Like, where's that confidence when you're planning your evil plots?

[23:01] I will say this, just off the bat, Ben Mendelsohn is the bright spot in this movie for me.

[23:06] Yeah, he's always great.

[23:07] He's always great.

[23:07] And he just knows how to, like, ham it up and chew the scenery.

[23:10] And they give him a couple of super bad guy speeches about, like, his sad past and then

[23:14] about how he, I want, I want the hood boiled in his own piss.

[23:19] And it's like, oh, he's such a, like, he's really hamming it up, old-fashioned style.

[23:23] And then the movie delivers probably the greatest gift a movie can,

[23:27] which is they take Ben Mendelsohn and then they one-up it with an F.

[23:31] Marie Abraham.

[23:32] Oh, we'll get to that, we'll get to that.

[23:33] Oh man, it's amazing.

[23:35] So Robin's obviously distraught.

[23:37] He doesn't know what to do.

[23:38] And then he gets jumped by Jamie Foxx.

[23:42] And who wouldn't want to be jumped by Jamie Foxx?

[23:44] Hello!

[23:44] Who then recruits Rob into his eternal, his twilight struggle, his eternal war against

[23:51] the Catholic Church and the rich.

[23:52] The rich and the powerful.

[23:53] Yeah, the rich and the powerful.

[23:55] He's a real, the rich are causing these wars to keep the poor down, da-da-da, which is

[24:00] partly true, partly not.

[24:02] I mean, like, and Jamie Foxx's, like, cause is just.

[24:07] But I'm sort of surprised that Rob, you know, converts to it so quickly.

[24:11] Like, he seemed a little disgusted by what he saw in the Crusades.

[24:14] And, like, obviously, like, the sheriff is, like, overreaching his power.

[24:21] But he's also still, like, a noble, like, for all of his life.

[24:24] And, like, immediately he's like, yeah, yeah, fight the power.

[24:28] Yeah, yeah.

[24:28] Because as soon as he lost all his riches, he was like, I got to get me back on the pyramid.

[24:32] Give me the baton.

[24:33] Yeah.

[24:33] And the easiest way to do that is through violence.

[24:36] Yeah.

[24:38] Inherent in any power system is the threat of violence or the use of violence.

[24:42] And so I'm going to definitely use that.

[24:44] There's no way to enforce property ownership without the oppression of the property owner-less.

[24:49] Yeah.

[24:49] Can I say, speaking of violence, I'm not one who usually, like, objects to, like,

[24:53] a lot of violence in a movie.

[24:54] Like, normally, like, I'm like, whatever.

[24:56] This is, you know, it's, like, fake.

[24:58] But, like, Robin Hood shoots so many people with arrows in this movie.

[25:01] The body count in this movie is enormous.

[25:04] And, like, they're just, like, I mean, they're not innocent, I guess, in the sense that they're

[25:08] taking part of this corrupt system.

[25:09] But they're not, like, bad guys.

[25:10] Especially for a guy who was already drafted into a war.

[25:14] It's like, I assume most of the, like, faceless guards, because they all have helmets on,

[25:18] which makes it easier to kill them, because you can dehumanize them.

[25:20] They, like, when you put a mask on your enemy, you're not killing the enemy, you're killing

[25:24] the mask, and therefore, psychologically, it's okay.

[25:26] The, uh, that, I assume most of them were also, like, farm boys who got drafted by the

[25:31] sheriff into being guards.

[25:32] They don't know any better.

[25:33] And Robin Hood's just slaughtering them left and right.

[25:35] Also, he's so amazing with his bow and arrow that the arrow goes, arrows, his arrows go

[25:38] straight through armor, which is, like, arrows are, like, arrows are, like, bullets in this

[25:42] movie.

[25:42] I'm not saying that Robin had never killed anyone, but, like, traditionally, he was more

[25:45] of a, like, like, uh, I don't know.

[25:48] He was more of a puckish figure.

[25:49] Well, it's like, it's like Time Bandits, where he's innocent and his men just go around

[25:52] murdering people.

[25:53] Yeah.

[25:54] The, I mean, the argument about arrows, Elliot, I mean, uh, historically speaking, during

[25:59] the Hundred Years War, the English longbowmen were known for being able to put arrows straight

[26:03] through the French plate mail.

[26:05] That's why.

[26:06] But from that, from point blank range?

[26:08] Yeah.

[26:09] I mean, well, because they were trained from, like, a very young age to be able to pull

[26:13] back these longbows.

[26:14] Oh, I see.

[26:15] And so that they were able to out, outrange Genoese crossbowmen, and they can also put

[26:22] a, there's more strength behind the shot.

[26:24] And that's why the, uh, the majority of the French nobility were killed in Agincourt and,

[26:28] uh, Cressy.

[26:29] All right, you got me right.

[26:30] And at Agincourt, they were doing a lot of, like, spins and flips.

[26:33] Yeah, they did.

[26:34] And, like, firing at guys that are behind them and things like that.

[26:36] Well, yeah, it was, uh, it was also called the Birth of the Legolas Movement.

[26:40] Uh, and, and what is, uh, so Jamie Foxx is going to train him.

[26:45] And, uh, tell us more about this sheriff.

[26:47] What's he like?

[26:48] Is he at all a, a thin analog from modern day warmongers?

[26:52] Oh, of course.

[26:52] So Ben Mendelsohn shows up brushing his hair with two combs, as I mentioned.

[26:56] Uh, he addresses people at, like, uh, at, like, a town hall, uh, where you have your

[27:01] nobles up top and then your commoners below.

[27:03] Uh.

[27:04] Nobles up top, party in the back.

[27:06] And the, uh, Marion and, uh, Jamie Dornan's character, Will Scarlet.

[27:10] Uh.

[27:11] They just call him Will, though, right?

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:12] And they're, like, kind of, they, like, shout back at him.

[27:15] It's very, like, I don't know.

[27:17] It's kind of weird.

[27:17] I find this scene strange because, like, the sheriff is, like, up there, it seems like

[27:21] justifying his taxes to the people.

[27:23] I guess maybe he would do that to keep them from revolting, but, like, it seemed like

[27:27] if he's in that sort of power at that time where he's not, like, an elected official,

[27:31] like, why is he bothering to be, like, this is why we're taxing you?

[27:35] And he's using some very, uh, like, very thin, modern, uh, arguments.

[27:40] We're fighting them over there so that they, because they want to come over here and they'll

[27:44] infect our courts, our schools.

[27:46] They hate our freedom.

[27:46] They hate, he literally says they hate our freedom, which is nuts in feudal times.

[27:50] Like, their freedom does not exist at that time.

[27:53] And, but, yeah, but then Will and Marion can heckle him with no repercussions.

[27:58] Yeah.

[27:58] Which also seems crazy.

[27:59] Uh.

[27:59] I guess it's the right of an Englishman.

[28:01] The great moment is then when Friartuck shows up and he's like, yeah, Robin, Robin of Loxley's

[28:07] alive, which, okay, I guess, uh, I guess Robin of Loxley's alive.

[28:12] Everybody knows it.

[28:12] And they're kind of shocked.

[28:13] So they have to delay the war tax vote for a little bit.

[28:17] Because Robin of Loxley isn't around.

[28:19] And so the full council's there.

[28:20] It's one of those movies, too, like V for Vendetta, where there's an evil government

[28:24] that has, like, three or four people in it.

[28:26] And everyone, all the peasants, they hate this government.

[28:29] Oh, they don't want to do bad things.

[28:31] They don't like it.

[28:32] And it's such a, it made me so mad.

[28:34] Because it's like, when there's a bad leader in charge, it's usually because he's appealing

[28:38] to a lot of people who believe in them.

[28:40] There might be some who don't.

[28:42] But, like, anytime there's been a dictator who's taken over a country, it's never, like,

[28:45] 98% of the country hates him and 2% likes him.

[28:48] Like, it's, it's a foolish thing for it to be like, everyone's like, oh, that Ben Mendelsohn.

[28:53] I don't like what he does.

[28:54] But what can I do?

[28:55] He's the sheriff.

[28:57] There's nothing we can do.

[28:58] There's only 100,000 of us, you know.

[29:00] There's a, we then, we then do a little bit of background with Robin.

[29:04] He is trading with Jamie Foxx, who we are introduced.

[29:07] We're given his name.

[29:09] And then there's the most obvious joke, which is Robin can't pronounce his name.

[29:13] His Arabic name.

[29:14] His Arabic name.

[29:15] So, they just call him Little John, or they call him John.

[29:18] Yeah, not Little John.

[29:19] Yeah, they just call him John.

[29:20] Or Lil' John.

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:21] Different guy.

[29:22] So, they plan on stealing money to-

[29:24] Or John Connor.

[29:25] Also a different John.

[29:26] They start plan, they're, in Loxley Manor, they start coming up with plans for

[29:30] stealing money because they think that if they steal money, it will undermine the sheriff's

[29:34] power and without money that he'll, you know, they'll be able to mess with the system.

[29:39] And they'll cut off funding to the war too.

[29:41] That's part of it.

[29:42] If they cut off funding to the war, then the real power behind all this will reveal itself

[29:46] because it'll want to know what's going on.

[29:48] Yeah, pull the tail.

[29:49] Pull the tail and see who bites, they keep saying.

[29:51] And, but at the same time, he can't just be a vigilante.

[29:56] He also has to be the noble Robin of Loxley.

[29:59] So, he has-

[30:00] to 100% do a Batman double life thing.

[30:02] Yes.

[30:03] Playboy by day, thief by night, dresses in a costume.

[30:07] And then to remind you of anybody?

[30:09] The Scarlet Pimpernel.

[30:10] That's right, the Scarlet Pimpernel.

[30:12] All the blockbuster characters, the Scarlet Pimpernel.

[30:16] It's around then when Marianne.

[30:17] There must be somebody who's been pitching

[30:19] a Scarlet Pimpernel movie,

[30:20] who's like, he's the original superhero.

[30:23] You like your Batmans, well then you wouldn't have Batman

[30:25] without the Scarlet Pimpernel.

[30:27] So tell me the story.

[30:29] Okay, I don't know what a Pimpernel is,

[30:30] so maybe you can change that.

[30:31] Nope.

[30:32] Well, okay, tell me the story.

[30:33] I know there's a rhyme about him.

[30:35] So it's the French Revolution.

[30:36] Okay, I don't know, forget it, stop.

[30:38] How about we just call him Red?

[30:42] Like the Red Pimpernel?

[30:44] Why don't we just call him Pimp?

[30:46] Like it's a cool kid's version of the Scarlet Pimpernel.

[30:48] All right, you don't think he's the original Batman,

[30:50] but how about this?

[30:51] He's the original Zorro.

[30:54] It's good, without the Scarlet Pimpernel,

[30:56] you don't have Zorro and you don't have Batman.

[30:59] I guess we can go all the way back to Jack Springheels.

[31:01] I guess that predates the Scarlet Pimpernel.

[31:04] So it's around this point where Marion shows up

[31:06] knocking on the door and John is like,

[31:09] she cannot know what we're doing

[31:11] or else they'll just kill her,

[31:12] which that's another strange leap.

[31:15] I don't know why that would be.

[31:16] I mean, it's the thing that happens

[31:18] in all the superhero movies

[31:19] where they're like, no one can know my identity

[31:20] and then people learn it and it's fine.

[31:23] It's great because it encourages the idea

[31:26] of like men having to keep their romantic partners

[31:28] in the dark because their work is too important.

[31:31] You know what, they should have had the scene

[31:33] where he's like, but what if I'm going to strike by night?

[31:37] I need a costume, a symbol, what should it be?

[31:39] And then like a hooded sweatshirt flies through the window

[31:42] and goes, this is it, I'll be a hood.

[31:44] I mean, they kind of do that where he gets this,

[31:47] John gives him the scarf that his son used to wear

[31:51] and he used that as his mask.

[31:53] So we get a cool training montage.

[31:55] We learn that he can't just use a regular old bow and arrow.

[31:57] He needs to use a street weapon

[31:59] that has like knuckle dusters built in and like sharp edges.

[32:03] He also does like with the training,

[32:04] like there's one of those scenes where Jamie Foxx is like,

[32:06] you got to do it faster.

[32:07] And he's like, try and hit me.

[32:09] And like does the thing where he's like walking

[32:11] towards Robin the whole time

[32:13] as Robin keeps like reloading arrows

[32:14] and he's knocking them out of the air, dodging them.

[32:17] And I'm like, all right,

[32:18] this is always like kind of cool when it happens.

[32:21] But at the same time, these scenes always bother me

[32:25] because I'm like, but what if Jamie Foxx can't do it?

[32:28] He's like super confident

[32:30] and he just gets shot immediately in the face.

[32:32] Also, it's like, he's trying to get Robin so mad

[32:34] that I guess he connects with the true archer within.

[32:36] But like, I don't know if you guys ever done archery

[32:38] in like summer camp.

[32:39] The less calm you are, the worse you do.

[32:42] Like the more frustrated and angry you get,

[32:44] like the shittier your shooting gets.

[32:47] So like, I don't know.

[32:49] But also we see, they invent weight training.

[32:51] They invent weight training.

[32:52] They would invent graduated weight training.

[32:55] I'm sorry, Milo Cretonia.

[32:56] I guess they stole your idea.

[32:57] Wow.

[32:58] And also Jamie Foxx makes himself

[33:01] a bad-ass metal stump cover for his arm.

[33:04] Yeah, that he like heats up super hot,

[33:06] then sticks his stump in and he's like, ah.

[33:08] Now, why didn't he wait for it to cool down?

[33:09] A la Doctor Doom.

[33:11] I think he wants to,

[33:12] I think he wanted to like melt it all together,

[33:14] which seems like a mistake.

[33:15] Like those burns, yeah, it's not gonna heal.

[33:17] I'm not gonna breathe.

[33:18] It's crazy.

[33:19] No, medieval medicine, he's gonna lose that arm.

[33:20] So they plan on stealing and then donating the money

[33:25] to get close to the sheriff.

[33:27] So he kills a bunch of guards in the rain.

[33:29] You know, the best time to use a bone arrow.

[33:31] He's robbing a toll gate.

[33:32] He robs a toll gate.

[33:33] For delicious cookies.

[33:34] Yeah.

[33:35] For the toll house, nevermind.

[33:37] He kills some like cartoonishly villainous guards

[33:40] who are like, time to pay the toll.

[33:42] And then they just start like body slamming people.

[33:45] And then he immediately goes and gives that money

[33:48] in like a little sack with a dollar sign written on it

[33:51] to the sheriff.

[33:52] And the sheriff's like, ooh, cool.

[33:53] I like you.

[33:54] And then he donates a bunch of money to the church.

[33:56] He makes it rain at the church at the collection plate.

[33:58] And everyone's like, oh.

[33:59] And the sheriff's like,

[34:00] I think you'll really help us capture the youth vote.

[34:03] And here's something that I thought was really weird

[34:07] is that like Robin is talking to, I don't remember who.

[34:10] And then John shows up and is like,

[34:12] oh, Robin, we have to go.

[34:13] And I'm like, so it's not weird to anybody

[34:16] that this Moore is walking around England,

[34:19] it's just kind of like how you do hanging out with Robin.

[34:21] And like, it's this weird colorblind version

[34:24] of ye old England where we see a few people of color

[34:26] in crowd scenes where we're like, yeah,

[34:27] when Robin Hood does stuff.

[34:29] But it's very weird to set something during the Crusades

[34:31] and yet have this like, I guess,

[34:34] idea of like a multi-ethnic merry old England

[34:37] where literally the guy that was a captured,

[34:41] enemy combatant is just walking around

[34:43] and everyone's like, oh, I guess that must be his butler.

[34:45] Like, I don't, it really threw me off

[34:47] that Jamie Foxx would just walk around old England

[34:50] with impunity without people having

[34:51] at least questions about it.

[34:52] But I guess this isn't your daddy's old England.

[34:54] Yep, I think they warn you about that right up front.

[34:56] Rob immediately brushes off Mary and he's like,

[34:58] I don't got time to talk to you.

[35:02] He then immediately goes and robs from the church collection.

[35:06] Tuck is there, but he does not hurt Tuck.

[35:09] At one point, I think, my next note refers to,

[35:14] you know, the sheriff finds out about the robberies

[35:17] and this Hood character going around

[35:18] and he gets super angry about it

[35:20] and he does it in the presence of Tuck.

[35:23] And Tuck's like, do you want to confess to your friar?

[35:27] And I'm like, did friars do confessionals?

[35:31] Like.

[35:31] I mean, I guess they could probably.

[35:34] They are men of the cloth.

[35:35] I don't know specifically.

[35:36] Friars usually were just at monasteries

[35:39] for the most part, right?

[35:40] Yeah.

[35:41] I mean, they could perform weddings.

[35:43] They could probably take confessionals, too.

[35:46] Back then, the church hadn't,

[35:47] I mean, they hadn't split,

[35:48] the English church hadn't split off from the Catholic,

[35:50] so maybe things were a little different, I don't know.

[35:52] So Rob overhears Marion talk about,

[35:54] after he leaves a little pouch of money for Marion,

[35:57] he overhears that she wishes

[35:59] he would just give it to the poor.

[36:01] So he rides around the Narrows,

[36:03] throwing money at everybody.

[36:06] Going, who are you going to trust?

[36:08] Me or that man?

[36:10] And then it was like, I thought you were our Batman.

[36:13] Like, I thought you were the Batman before Batman.

[36:16] And that's why we couldn't trust the stories.

[36:18] Like, you're more of a Batman than our daddy's Robin Hood.

[36:21] And they're like, how did you get that amazing accent?

[36:23] Did you study that?

[36:26] Then we're in like, the sheriff's evil.

[36:28] I wish now there was a scene where Robin was just,

[36:30] I mean, he rides his horse through the town,

[36:32] and like a real rich, stuck-up asshole,

[36:34] just throws money on the ground

[36:35] and lets the poor people scramble for it.

[36:37] But now I kind of wish that he was just hurling

[36:39] at people's faces, like throwing handfuls of coins

[36:41] in people's faces.

[36:42] Hey, poor, here you go, poor guy.

[36:44] Hey, poor-o.

[36:47] Then we're in like, the sheriff's evil salon

[36:51] with all the nobles, and Rob's there,

[36:54] and he suggests, you know,

[36:55] because he's doing his like, double thing,

[36:57] he's trying to win over the sheriff's trust.

[36:59] He suggests maybe putting out a big bounty on the Hood.

[37:03] And he'll put up the money.

[37:04] Yeah, and then the sheriff like, kicks out all the lords,

[37:08] and then we get like, his complicated backstory

[37:11] about how he was raised poor at an orphanage,

[37:13] and he was abused by the very lords

[37:15] that were sitting in the room with them.

[37:17] And we get some like, kind of confusing hierarchy

[37:21] about who's in charge.

[37:23] I could never quite tell, like they were talking

[37:25] about maybe like, hanging one of the lords.

[37:27] It was just kind of strange.

[37:29] Here's my guess.

[37:30] Is he the king?

[37:31] Like, what's happening?

[37:32] The sheriff is like the king's agent in the county.

[37:34] Yeah.

[37:35] And the lords have their,

[37:36] because we don't know what year it is,

[37:38] we don't know if this is before or after the Magna,

[37:40] I guess we do know what year it is.

[37:41] It's the Third Crusade.

[37:42] So like, when they're like, what year it was?

[37:44] I don't remember at the beginning.

[37:45] It's like, well, it's the Third Crusade.

[37:46] We know when that happened, right?

[37:47] Yeah.

[37:48] But like, so I don't know if that was pre

[37:50] or post Magna Carta, but like the lords have their privileges.

[37:53] We should go watch that movie that I recommended.

[37:55] I can't remember what it's called.

[37:56] Like, Citadel or something about the Magna Carta?

[37:58] Yeah.

[37:59] Stronghold or something?

[38:00] So like, the lords have a certain power,

[38:03] but they're not in control.

[38:05] But the sheriff seems to work for the church

[38:08] more than the king.

[38:09] Yeah.

[38:10] It's all, and like, Friartuck works for the sheriff,

[38:13] which I thought was really weird.

[38:14] Like, I don't, it's not clear to me who,

[38:16] and maybe that's just how it was back then.

[38:19] Yeah.

[38:19] I didn't live then, you know?

[38:20] Yeah, and maybe the intention is to use the bureaucracy

[38:23] to be confusing, to make it harder for people to move up.

[38:25] Oh, deep state.

[38:26] Got it.

[38:28] So Rob is frustrated and he plans on hitting the treasury.

[38:33] So they come up with a surprise plan, you know?

[38:36] Oh, before this, he meets up with Will,

[38:38] and Will is a real, like, politician.

[38:41] He considers himself like an activist,

[38:43] but he's gonna work within the political system

[38:45] and change things that way.

[38:47] The political system that, again, does not exist.

[38:48] You cannot move up through the feudal political system

[38:51] from guy who lives in a mine to local establishment guy.

[38:56] But like a-

[38:57] Yeah, unless you're, like, once again,

[38:59] unless you're Sergeant Richard Sharp

[39:01] and you save Wellington's life in a battle in India,

[39:06] and then you get raised up to a different rank

[39:09] and you become part of the officer class,

[39:10] like, unless that happens,

[39:12] it's unlikely that you can move up.

[39:14] I mean, I kind of wonder why Will didn't get drafted

[39:16] to go fight in the Crusades.

[39:17] Like, again, they weren't really,

[39:19] they weren't drafting lords so much.

[39:21] Like, the lords had to raise their men to go.

[39:23] I mean, they were probably expected to go,

[39:25] but like, they probably did that willingly

[39:26] because what else was he gonna do?

[39:27] Yeah, exactly.

[39:28] But like, this guy, but anyway,

[39:31] but it's like, oh, I see.

[39:32] Marion's gonna have to choose between the, like,

[39:34] roguish guy and the guy who's more of an established

[39:37] voice of the people.

[39:38] It's Casablanca, everybody.

[39:40] Hey, except the dumb version of Casablanca.

[39:42] It's a reverse Casablanca.

[39:44] The classic reverse Casablanca.

[39:46] But he's gonna rob the treasury.

[39:48] So he starts to rob the treasury

[39:49] and we go right to the action, okay?

[39:51] We don't worry about listening to the whole plan.

[39:53] But during the process, he overhears,

[39:56] oh no, they have a new system

[39:57] because the sheriff is nervous

[39:58] about this hood character running around.

[40:00] The plan immediately goes awry.

[40:02] He starts killing all kinds of people.

[40:04] Yeah.

[40:05] Arrows are flying like bullets,

[40:07] chipping stone pillars as they fly through.

[40:10] Like, I gotta believe that,

[40:12] like it's just so hard for me to believe

[40:13] that arrows and bullets were that similar.

[40:15] All these dudes are running around

[40:16] with these like repeating crossbows.

[40:20] And he ends up like, after killing a bunch of dudes,

[40:23] he gets shot in the leg and he gets the bolt out,

[40:28] but he's still running around.

[40:29] He eventually has to like jump out of a window

[40:31] and he's barely saved by John,

[40:33] who has already prepped everything

[40:35] and they managed to get away.

[40:36] And while he's like, I failed,

[40:38] John's like, no, we got their attention.

[40:40] Yeah, John like lights a big fire.

[40:42] I'm like, what?

[40:43] I'm like, you don't want their attention.

[40:47] Like the heat is gonna be on you now.

[40:49] And also they had their attention already.

[40:51] Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

[40:53] Yeah, and the commoners are now,

[40:54] we see that the commoners have been nailing hoods up

[40:57] on like the rafters to show support.

[40:59] That's just a waste of cloth, yeah.

[41:01] So it like, one, yeah,

[41:03] where are they getting all this cloth from?

[41:04] But also it's such a stupid like show of like,

[41:07] oh, the people love him.

[41:08] It's a protest.

[41:09] Well, it's like how at Hogs and Heifers,

[41:12] they decorate the chandeliers with bras.

[41:15] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[41:16] Or like there's a restaurant I ate in once in Denver,

[41:19] I think it was, where you're not allowed to wear a necktie.

[41:21] And if you do, they cut it off you

[41:23] and they nail it to the wall.

[41:24] There's a wall of neckties.

[41:26] Wow.

[41:27] And I went there with a coworker

[41:28] and he deliberately wore a necktie

[41:29] and they were like, we're gonna cut it off.

[41:31] And he was like, it was a cowboy themed place.

[41:33] And he's like, sir, he made up a whole story.

[41:35] He was like, my father on his deathbed gave me this necktie.

[41:39] You wouldn't have the temerity to cut it.

[41:41] And then when they cut it off, he was like,

[41:42] oh, whoa, oh, he would put on a big cartoon face about it.

[41:46] Yeah, yeah.

[41:46] And I was like, you can't cut that off.

[41:48] It's just a brightly colored skin tag.

[41:49] And they still did it.

[41:53] Saved me some medical bills.

[41:54] It's just a skin tag with a hula girl painted on it.

[41:59] So we also find out that the Archdeacon is coming

[42:04] or no, the Archdeacon is warning

[42:05] that the Cardinal is going to come

[42:07] and that he's warning of treason.

[42:08] And he talks about the Cardinal showing up

[42:11] like the emperor, like an evil warlock.

[42:14] The church is so openly evil and openly sinister in this.

[42:18] And you're like, the whole time you're like,

[42:19] Tuck, do you not realize that they're all super evil?

[42:22] Like, I don't understand.

[42:22] Everyone you work with, like,

[42:24] talks like an evil sorcerer, you know?

[42:26] Yeah, and we see that the church, like,

[42:28] firmly has the Sheriff's fortunes in their hand.

[42:32] Like, he is beholden to the church.

[42:36] Yes.

[42:36] And also, and Tuck is there the whole time.

[42:39] He's kind of listening in.

[42:39] And we also meet that the Sheriff has brought in

[42:42] an elite team of hunters to hunt down this hood.

[42:45] Oh, yeah.

[42:46] That's right, guys.

[42:47] It's the super posse from Butch Cassidy

[42:48] and the Sundance Kid.

[42:50] Yeah, like Bosk and Zuckus and Forlom.

[42:53] Yeah, if they're like mercenaries,

[42:56] we don't need their scum.

[42:57] And then Bosk is there and goes,

[42:59] rrrr, it's like, wait, how, wait, so there's, okay.

[43:01] It's not, it's not, it's not your daddies robbing us.

[43:04] I can under, okay, so I'll buy that in medieval England,

[43:07] they also have people of color who are just Englishmen.

[43:09] But that Trandoshans are there?

[43:11] Like, lizard men are there?

[43:12] I don't understand.

[43:13] Yeah, I mean, they're jerks.

[43:14] And who's leading?

[43:16] It's his old army buddies.

[43:18] It's his old unit led by Guy Gisborne,

[43:21] who's got a new, like, new facial hair,

[43:24] and he's talking basically like Lobo from DC Comics.

[43:28] Uh-oh, uh-oh, our hero has a personal connection

[43:32] to the villain.

[43:34] This will come into play, never.

[43:36] No, it sort of does, I mean, kind of barely.

[43:38] They're kind of leading you up to a big

[43:39] Rob and Guy Gisborne confrontation that does not happen.

[43:42] Not really.

[43:43] Yeah, if you were hoping for payoff,

[43:45] you're gonna be hoping, you're gonna be left wanting.

[43:47] Stewart, sounds like it's time

[43:48] to throw a big costume party.

[43:50] Oh yeah, the Cardinal's coming,

[43:52] and Rob gets invited to the party,

[43:54] along with Marion and Will,

[43:56] and a couple of their commons, which is weird.

[43:58] It's so weird, they're like,

[43:59] we're gonna throw this big, hedonistic,

[44:01] basically Gatsby-esque, eyes wide shut,

[44:04] casino night for the Cardinal.

[44:06] Let's invite some of the poor people.

[44:08] Like, why?

[44:09] Well, they're characters in the movie, aren't they?

[44:10] Purple color.

[44:12] Yeah, so they can watch us play casino games

[44:15] and make very obvious comments

[44:17] about how poor people don't deserve money and stuff.

[44:21] This is also the part where the costuming

[44:22] just gives up on being, in any way, period-specific.

[44:25] Like, they're just wearing Las Vegas showgirl costumes

[44:28] and things like that.

[44:29] I mean, at least it's fun to watch.

[44:30] Yeah, that's true.

[44:31] I mean, it is the party scene from The Great Gatsby,

[44:34] but in a castle, like the Lord Gatsby.

[44:37] We also are believing that Tuck,

[44:40] we now know that Tuck and Marion also have a secret plan,

[44:43] that they have something going on,

[44:44] and you're like, uh-oh, that's so many secret plans

[44:46] going on at once.

[44:47] Two.

[44:48] I guess three, the bad guy's plan, also.

[44:50] We see in the party in the casino,

[44:53] Tuck manages to steal keys from the Lord character

[44:56] whose name I don't remember.

[44:56] Now, here's my question.

[44:58] Is Tuck supposed to be dressed as a Jew?

[45:01] He's wearing all black with a black hat,

[45:03] and he already looks Jewish

[45:04] because he's got that long hair and a beard,

[45:07] and everyone else is dressed in costumes.

[45:08] So I was like, he doesn't look like,

[45:11] he's not dressed like a monk,

[45:12] but I was like, is he going as a Jewish person

[45:14] for the carnival night?

[45:16] He seems to be balding, but that's not a tonsure.

[45:19] No, it's not.

[45:21] And he covers it up with a yarmulke.

[45:23] But his costume is so dour that I was like,

[45:27] so is he, it was just very weird to me, I don't know.

[45:30] Yeah, I mean, I think it's-

[45:31] He was carrying a menorah with him.

[45:33] Yeah, he did keep saying, no, so we have a plan, no.

[45:37] And he's like, a party, where's the cake?

[45:40] Yeah.

[45:42] Famously, he's always looking for cake.

[45:46] I mean, I'm a party.

[45:47] Don't deny it, Elliot, you're always sniffing out cake.

[45:49] Always looking at, yeah,

[45:50] thank you for making it an animalistic thing, too.

[45:53] Appreciate that, yes.

[45:54] As is my people, the Hebrew race,

[45:57] we're always on the hunt for cake.

[45:59] Using their snouts, that's what Dan was saying.

[46:04] Yeah, that's why in Nazi Germany, of course,

[46:08] we had to wear yellow badges in the shape of cake.

[46:10] It was yellow cake.

[46:12] So, Tuck manages to-

[46:14] It was just so funny, there's some racist somewhere

[46:17] who just doesn't know what they're talking about,

[46:18] and they're like, gotta keep my cake safe.

[46:22] Tuck manages to do a little sleight of hand,

[46:23] he steals keys from the Lord, he passes them to Merion.

[46:26] Merion uses these keys to break into his office

[46:29] and go through some paperwork.

[46:32] They gotta follow the money.

[46:33] Yeah, right then, the Cardinal arrives,

[46:36] and fuck yes, F. Murray Abraham.

[46:40] Fuck Mary Abraham.

[46:42] Guys, have you ever played Fuck Mary Abraham?

[46:43] We've talked about it on the show before.

[46:45] I actually leaned into Stuart's notes,

[46:47] because I was like, there's something that's written

[46:49] in twice as big as anything else

[46:51] with three exclamation points after it.

[46:53] I'm like, oh, that's F. Murray Abraham.

[46:55] And F. Murray Abraham, you mentioned his accent.

[46:57] It is glorious, but he seems to play the same characters

[47:00] when he was on Louis as Louis C.K.'s uncle.

[47:03] He was with some from indeterminate foreign country

[47:06] and told an anecdote that made no sense.

[47:09] And you're like, well, he's got this great costume,

[47:12] and he's got this great accent.

[47:13] Does he have a great wig?

[47:14] Oh, yes he does.

[47:16] Guys, have I mentioned before how I saw F. Murray Abraham

[47:18] on stage in a play?

[47:20] You've mentioned it many times.

[47:21] He was playing God in a debate with Marklyn Baker.

[47:24] Marklyn Baker was a loving, new, modern God,

[47:27] and F. Murray Abraham was an Old Testament hateful God,

[47:31] and it was very funny.

[47:33] So we, the Cardinal takes the Sheriff aside.

[47:36] They go into an office.

[47:37] They start talking about an evil,

[47:39] they start doing some evil planning.

[47:42] And we, Robin manages to break into this meeting

[47:46] by winging a plan that involves grabbing Tuck

[47:49] and using him as bait.

[47:50] He's like, Tuck, do you trust me?

[47:51] And then he starts revealing that Tuck has stolen some keys

[47:54] from one of the Lords.

[47:55] Before Tuck gets murdered,

[47:59] Rob's like, wait a minute.

[48:01] Rather than murdering him,

[48:02] why don't we take away his job?

[48:05] And they're like, oh, the most evil thing you can do.

[48:09] In this economy.

[48:11] So we then, they like defrock him and kick him out.

[48:14] And then we hear.

[48:15] This instantly puts Robin in the confidence

[48:19] of both the Sheriff and the Cardinal.

[48:20] And they're like, stick around as we unveil our evil plan.

[48:24] The craziest plan, where the Sheriff is taking

[48:27] all this money to give the church

[48:29] because they have a deal with an Arabian army commander

[48:34] so that they can funnel money to the Muslim forces

[48:38] so that they can win the war.

[48:40] And then the church and the Sheriff

[48:41] can depose the King of England.

[48:44] It's such a crazy plan for many reasons.

[48:46] But here's two that I want to mention.

[48:48] One, the implication.

[48:50] I mean, maybe they're just funding these guys

[48:52] to keep them going.

[48:53] But the implication that I think is said at one point is,

[48:56] oh, they're paying the Arabs to fight the English.

[48:59] The English have invaded Arab lands.

[49:01] So I don't think the Arabs needed,

[49:03] they weren't like, oh yeah, yeah,

[49:04] come on in and take over our holy places.

[49:07] Oh wait, you're gonna pay us to fight?

[49:08] Okay.

[49:09] But also, they're so excited about the English crown.

[49:12] And at that time, the church was the most powerful

[49:15] organization in the world.

[49:18] England was like, not the prize it is today.

[49:20] It's like, it was a weird thing that they'd be like,

[49:23] we gotta hold this crusade so that we can take over England,

[49:25] this tiny island nation full of poor people.

[49:29] Prove me wrong.

[49:31] Tell me why it's a great plan.

[49:32] So at this point, encouraged by the cardinal,

[49:37] the sheriff decides that the only way they can get

[49:40] extra money for the war tax,

[49:42] because Rob's been stealing it all,

[49:44] is to go to the narrows and basically burn down the mines.

[49:48] Well, it's the mines, yeah.

[49:49] But it's the same thing.

[49:50] Goes there and steal all the money from the commoners

[49:54] and burn down their homes.

[49:55] And he doesn't care.

[49:57] And then we see that Marion has.

[50:00] snuck out of that room with the contracts

[50:04] marianne and the librarian if you will know that she has the documents she has

[50:08] a she has the documents proving that the cardinal and the sheriff had to deal

[50:13] with this arabian general which is going to have to be i don't know that the

[50:18] papers and i don't know what the post is about it's it's it is funny that they

[50:22] have a contract that's in a in arabic that they all signs like this

[50:25] a silly thing so finally we can impeach this guy it's also like usually when you

[50:31] funnel money illicitly to a secret organization you don't have it

[50:34] you like you don't have a written contract no you got everything written

[50:37] down and she shows these contracts to her boyfriend will

[50:41] and she's like

[50:43] we should we should act on this and wills like no this could ruin my

[50:46] political career like i've been putting so much time into building up my power

[50:52] within the structure this is shown by nothing all we've seen him do is heckle

[50:55] the sheriff once he's like this could this could ruin me they'll come down on

[50:59] me and we realize uh oh this guy doesn't have the courage of his convictions he's

[51:02] just a poser and this is when i looked at the movie and i'm like there's 43

[51:07] minutes okay so the forces of darkness show up at the mines they start taking

[51:14] everybody's money the young urchin whose relation to marianne i don't know named

[51:19] penny gets taken assuming because her name is penny and they thought she was

[51:22] money which put a spell on a penny to turn into a person like in those old

[51:28] penny claymation cartoons that were on a what show was that

[51:32] Nickelodeon no the penny cartoons were on peewee's play oh that's right not

[51:37] even if he was they thought that that's what happened that someone had turned

[51:40] had taken pennies and made a girl mm-hmm and then she meets a dinosaur what

[51:45] happened and but and guy of gisborne is leading these troops and it's like this

[51:50] is real mission creep I thought you were brought in to stop the hood now

[51:53] you're just enforcing the tax I mean I think in his head he's like by doing

[51:57] this we're going to pull the to use the words of another character in this movie

[52:01] pull the tail and see who bites so they're trying to draw out the hood I

[52:05] see and in the process he and Marion get a little scuffle so it gets a little

[52:09] more personal and then they capture Marion and they and then when Rob sees

[52:13] that the Marion's in trouble he's like well I gotta do something and he and

[52:16] John attack and John's like well then he was roasting hot dogs on the burning

[52:20] homes of the mine and he's like we gotta do something John's like oh there's too

[52:24] many of them and he's like there's not enough I'm gonna bury all these fools so

[52:28] they attack then we get a sweet stagecoach chase guys horseback chase

[52:32] yeah this is awesome through the mines there's there's a point where a giant

[52:38] molten thing of metal crashes behind them as they run away like a giant

[52:44] explosion it's so awesome I also wrote down that I hope no horses got hurt in

[52:48] the sequence because it's not cool enough no I mean you know art is art

[52:55] sometimes you have to suffer so they're on they're having this chase through

[53:00] through the robot the droid factory of Geonosis yeah what happened it's the

[53:03] Donkey Kong Country minecart race they turn a corner and a ballista shoots an

[53:09] exploding bolt and they all jump off it and they're like here we go or and then

[53:15] John's like next time you drive and then they start to get surrounded so it's

[53:25] never tells me the odds they start getting certain you got any more no okay

[53:30] they start getting surrounded and John's like a waste of the podcast and John's

[53:35] like you guys leave and he fights for a little bit and then he gets captured and

[53:40] Robin Marion escape and Rob has a moment of doubt yeah I don't know why and she's

[53:46] like she obviously still has feelings for Rob and he's like and she knows he's

[53:50] the hood I forgot to mention this that like while he's rescuing her she sees

[53:54] him in full costume but she knows immediately it's him she somehow

[53:58] recognizes his face and voice yeah just like body you know like how you can

[54:03] sometimes just oh yeah intimately established from the beginning of the

[54:08] movie it's what those things were like if a friend of mine is wearing like a

[54:11] balaclava or something like that because it's cold out or they have a scarf over

[54:14] there from their face and they're robbing a bank like if it's like I can

[54:18] still recognize it's not like I'm like stranger get away from me they pull

[54:22] their scarf down like oh damn thank goodness I thought you were a monster

[54:28] or a thief no you're just wearing a scarf and he puts the scarf back up my

[54:32] so she's clearly sympathetic to both his cause and the hood scars and he says you

[54:38] don't know me the hoods a disguise and she's like no I think Rob's it's it's

[54:42] stupid it's a stupid moment where it's like all the stuff people say about

[54:46] Batman that Bruce Wayne is the mask that Batman yeah and it's this moment where

[54:49] you're like there you're just forcing problems here yeah like as much as you

[54:53] claim that you want Marion back in your life you don't you just like being a

[54:56] freewheeling maniac so John has been captured and he gets threatened by Ben

[55:02] Mendelsohn and a pretty fun scene cuz like I gotta say like Jamie Foxx is

[55:06] pretty good in this movie oh I agree they're both top scenery chores and it's

[55:09] yeah I see them going at each other yeah his character is like rote badass dude

[55:15] but he's you know charismatic guy so it's fun to watch him yeah he's super

[55:19] fun and every every any minute you're like is he gonna start playing get the

[55:22] road jack he's gonna break out in it yeah at this point what there's a big

[55:28] meeting of the commoners will is trying to make an argument that like they

[55:34] should they should leave the mines strike out elsewhere and he wants to

[55:38] like lead them to to freedom yeah and then the hood shows up along with

[55:44] Marion and he makes and he reveals himself which is a strange choice yeah

[55:49] it's just shows penis yeah he reveals himself and he gets everyone to decide

[55:54] to fight alongside him and the commoners are with him and will looks over and

[55:58] that's when he realizes the hood really is a thief he stole his girl oh that

[56:03] would be the scene in an 80s movie where Will's best friend would come over and

[56:06] try to reassure him and we'll would push him away yeah and look I maybe I'm

[56:12] getting ahead of myself maybe I should save this till like the moment that will

[56:15] does a heel turn because he's gonna do a heel turn but uh Jamie Dornan no way

[56:19] he's such a nice guy what am I one of my problems with this movie is like it's

[56:25] like class politics are so fucked up because I feel like it betrays the

[56:29] character of will like it sets up this character to be this you know like this

[56:32] of the people revolutionary and they're and the movie is like no no no we don't

[56:37] need that we need a rich guy to come down and save these commoners and then

[56:41] that'll be cool yeah we don't you know what let's reveal that the guy who comes

[56:44] up from the people is actually just selfish and greedy and the rich guy is a

[56:48] selfless hero yeah he's the one that we that's what I mean the movie is and I'll

[56:54] just I'll not to skip ahead plot wise but just to say like the movie then

[56:58] starts playing on a lot of like occupy type imagery yeah it is very it is this

[57:03] movie that like really is cloaking itself in what it thinks are like cool

[57:07] modern ideas and I have to admit like it's very open about the idea that like

[57:11] the religious order is bad and that like that it's it's very open about like

[57:17] ruling authority and and organized religion is evil which is and and police

[57:22] tactics are shit yeah are bad and which is which are fairly you know radical

[57:27] ideas to have in a big-budget entertainment thing yeah like it's still

[57:30] all about like we need one guy who's a rich guy to step in do that do all the

[57:36] fighting because he's the best and the toughest and the only way to get what we

[57:40] want is is through violent action where we take no prisoners it's like a really

[57:45] regressive movie a bit like great man theory of history yeah it's a really

[57:49] aggressive movie that thinks it's a progressive movie and it dresses itself

[57:51] up in these ideas of like modern warfare and like there's a scene coming up where

[57:56] it seems like Rob is having some kind of PTSD attack yeah and like it feels a lot

[58:01] like what it must have been like to be in the 60s and see the movies where it's

[58:05] like this hippie has to take down the local drug dealer and it's like he's a

[58:09] cop but he's also a hippie you know like a Billy Jacks or a thing yeah yeah very

[58:14] much so my way to social justice yeah exactly like it's like to be like what

[58:19] the fuck like you're like I'm just gonna take the same old shit and dress it up

[58:22] like modern clothing so that we seem cool like it made me it made me very mad

[58:26] so the people have joined Rob and they have this big like preparing montage so

[58:31] they can steal the funds that the the big order of money that the Cardinal is

[58:37] sending to the Arabian general they have one last chance because it's about to

[58:40] ship out yeah the money that's going to the Arabs and the and part of his

[58:44] argument to sway the people to his side is that that the sheriff is taking their

[58:49] money to give to the Arabian army but it's like I thought you were sympathetic

[58:54] to their side to do like you can't like the argument he was he seems swayed by

[59:00] the brutal tactics of the English army the invaders and all of a sudden he's

[59:04] like well everybody they're trying to help the army that is defending themselves

[59:08] isn't that terrible he's I think Rob is the master real master politician that

[59:13] he will say whatever the crowd he's talking to wants to hear or whatever the

[59:17] scene needs to move the plot forward I mean that's true too he'll say whatever the

[59:20] movie needs to like just keep going so there's this big preparing montage where

[59:24] they're like everybody all the commoners come together and they're building stuff

[59:27] and this is the point where I'm like in any actual situation one of these people

[59:32] would be like well I know who the hood is I'm gonna go tell the sheriff and get

[59:35] money for it yeah and then they'll just stop this but that doesn't happen no it

[59:38] said they all put on hoods and this is when they would uh they if they had the

[59:42] guts they would have played that song from Ghostbusters 2 is it is that the

[59:47] one it's like that when they're when they're gearing up to finally defeat Vigo

[59:52] that take control song okay yeah yeah yeah

[1:00:00] Take control.

[1:00:02] I mean, while they're doing Bobby Brown songs,

[1:00:04] maybe you could've done

[1:00:06] Don't Be Cruel

[1:00:08] or Rony.

[1:00:10] We'll move on.

[1:00:12] And he's sort of gearing up Pop Song.

[1:00:14] Firework.

[1:00:16] Shake it off.

[1:00:18] Jamie Foxx is lying on the ground and they give him a bowl of food

[1:00:20] that they spit in and he headbutts the bowl

[1:00:22] which is pretty cool.

[1:00:24] And then he hides a chunk of ceramic

[1:00:26] piece in his mouth.

[1:00:28] That'll be used later.

[1:00:30] He's not just like, oh man, my food.

[1:00:32] I guess I'll eat this.

[1:00:34] Like an elephant licking the salt

[1:00:36] rocks inside a cave.

[1:00:38] I guess I'll just eat the ceramic walls of my cell.

[1:00:40] Or he's like, this is how I'll escape. I'll eat my way out.

[1:00:42] We see the

[1:00:44] money convoy, like the money train

[1:00:46] being put together

[1:00:48] as the money train is moving down the streets.

[1:00:50] Money stagecoach.

[1:00:52] The rebels attack.

[1:00:54] As we mentioned, it's very

[1:00:56] Antifa type.

[1:00:58] They've all got scarves over their faces and they've got Molotov cocktails

[1:01:00] and things like that. And they're like waving

[1:01:02] sticks. It's very like

[1:01:04] the 1999

[1:01:06] WTO protests in Seattle.

[1:01:08] That kind of stuff.

[1:01:10] John manages to escape using a piece of ceramic

[1:01:12] lodged in his mouth to cut a guy's throat.

[1:01:14] Kind of like Glass, right?

[1:01:16] Glass did something like that?

[1:01:18] Yeah, he did. I thought you meant the material, but I realize now you mean the character.

[1:01:20] So yeah,

[1:01:22] we have

[1:01:24] rioters versus riot cops.

[1:01:26] Finally,

[1:01:28] we see guys armed with shields

[1:01:30] and like stun batons.

[1:01:32] Or like cudgels.

[1:01:34] I mean, they just should have brought out modern riot police

[1:01:36] at that point. And it would have been like

[1:01:38] the end of Mother, where all the eras

[1:01:40] are smashing together at once.

[1:01:42] The history of man takes place in this one house.

[1:01:44] What a great movie, huh?

[1:01:46] What a crazy turn that movie takes.

[1:01:48] In retrospect, you're like, oh, it makes perfect sense.

[1:01:50] So while

[1:01:52] the riot is going on, they

[1:01:54] manage to undermine the money cart

[1:01:56] and it collapses through the

[1:01:58] ground and they have a tunnel

[1:02:00] underneath.

[1:02:02] So they undermine it by telling it it's been gaining weight.

[1:02:04] And then Rob

[1:02:06] shoots the lock off

[1:02:08] because, you know, it's a gun, basically.

[1:02:12] I'm so surprised

[1:02:14] that at some point they didn't have a crossbow silencer

[1:02:16] in this movie.

[1:02:18] And the sheriff is trapped

[1:02:20] on the other side of a firewall.

[1:02:22] And he's like, and that's not computer

[1:02:24] stuff, I'm talking about an actual wall of fire.

[1:02:26] And he's like, get me to that cart!

[1:02:28] So his men use their shields to part

[1:02:30] a firewall?

[1:02:32] Like, it's pretty weird.

[1:02:34] This isn't

[1:02:36] your daddy's physics.

[1:02:38] Forget everything you know

[1:02:40] about reality.

[1:02:42] So they're stealing the money out of the cart and transferring it to other carts.

[1:02:44] The sheriff's forces, led by

[1:02:46] Guy Giesborne, surround them

[1:02:48] and start shooting down into the hole.

[1:02:50] Rob gets shot.

[1:02:52] It's the Battle of the Crater all over, everybody. Am I right, Civil War buffs?

[1:02:54] Yeah.

[1:02:56] Rob gets shot and he and Marion

[1:02:58] have a moment of romance just in time

[1:03:00] for Will to show up and see it.

[1:03:02] And it distresses him so much he gets

[1:03:04] knocked on the head and drops his

[1:03:06] petrol bomb at his feet and he burns himself up.

[1:03:08] Will, we have a two-face

[1:03:10] moment? Maybe.

[1:03:12] So they're like,

[1:03:14] let's get this out.

[1:03:16] You've got to be pretty shocked by seeing

[1:03:18] a girl with another guy to drop a petrol bomb

[1:03:20] at your feet. He's like,

[1:03:22] don't need these trainers anymore.

[1:03:24] Giesborne jumps down there.

[1:03:26] She likes to jog.

[1:03:28] Giesborne jumps down there to try and kill Rob

[1:03:30] and we have this great Lobo moment.

[1:03:32] And then,

[1:03:34] pretty quickly, Rob beats him up and he's

[1:03:36] begging for his life.

[1:03:38] And Rob doesn't kill him,

[1:03:40] which is crazy. He's killed

[1:03:42] so many people.

[1:03:44] But Rob is like,

[1:03:46] hey, this guy saved my life

[1:03:48] in the crusade so I can't bring

[1:03:50] myself to do it. I guess. It's a weird

[1:03:52] moment after he's murdered so many people.

[1:03:54] If he had a mask he would have smoked him.

[1:03:56] If he had a mask he would have been like, stranger,

[1:03:58] I don't know you.

[1:04:00] Stranger with guy's high-end voice.

[1:04:02] And so Marion, what, does she

[1:04:04] hit him with a sledgehammer or something?

[1:04:06] Maybe she kills him. I assume she killed him.

[1:04:08] I mean, after she

[1:04:10] knocked him out she then stabbed him a bunch.

[1:04:12] Devouring the carcass.

[1:04:14] And Robin's like, well, my hands are clean.

[1:04:16] She hits him, she goes,

[1:04:18] two in the back of the head, executes himself.

[1:04:20] She shoots a bow and arrow into the back of his head.

[1:04:22] Yeah, very John Wick.

[1:04:24] So they're about to leave,

[1:04:26] they're about to leave on boats with the money

[1:04:28] when they're like, where's Will?

[1:04:30] And Rob's like, we gotta go back, it's all or none.

[1:04:32] And I'm like, there's a ton of

[1:04:34] people left. There's no ton of people,

[1:04:36] there's no all or none.

[1:04:38] Most of them are still fighting.

[1:04:40] Where there's five students at the school

[1:04:42] who have names and personalities, and then just

[1:04:44] nameless background extras. In this movie

[1:04:46] there's like the five characters, and they're really

[1:04:48] all who counts. And all the nameless

[1:04:50] villagers, their job is just to go, oh!

[1:04:52] Or, yeah! Or to look sad or happy.

[1:04:54] Mr. Belding is a Sheriff of Nottingham

[1:04:56] type character. He's more

[1:04:58] like the Sheriff of Nottingham from

[1:05:00] The Adventures of Robin Hood, who is a buffoon.

[1:05:02] Because the real villain in that

[1:05:04] is Basil Rathbone's guy of Gisborne,

[1:05:06] who's a real badass. And they have

[1:05:08] one of the best sword fights.

[1:05:10] Him and Errol Flynn. And this movie does not live up

[1:05:12] to that sword fight. Is it?

[1:05:14] Now, let's compare

[1:05:16] it to the sword fight between Basil Rathbone, Errol Flynn

[1:05:18] and Captain Blood. Also a great sword fight.

[1:05:20] I'd say Robin Hood's a little better. Guys,

[1:05:22] prove me wrong. I would say

[1:05:24] is that the one where

[1:05:26] the music is Battle of the Fates

[1:05:28] and there's those like force

[1:05:30] laser walls?

[1:05:32] And guy of Gisborne

[1:05:34] he unsheathed the back end of his sword

[1:05:36] because it's double-weighted. What?

[1:05:38] What? And I'm like,

[1:05:40] I saw this in the trailer. I'll buy a t-shirt

[1:05:42] before seeing the movie.

[1:05:44] I was hoping that Seward would do

[1:05:46] the thing he did the last time Elliot said prove me wrong,

[1:05:48] which is just totally ignore what Elliot said.

[1:05:50] You would like that,

[1:05:52] Dan. You would like that.

[1:05:54] Much like Zeno's arrow,

[1:05:56] the closer we get to the end of the movie,

[1:05:58] the longer it takes us to get there.

[1:06:00] So, Marion

[1:06:02] finds a burned and

[1:06:04] beaten Will and he's like,

[1:06:06] Get out of here! Come on, get!

[1:06:08] He calls the real Harry

[1:06:10] and the Henderson's on her, but for real, he does want her

[1:06:12] to leave. So Rob has,

[1:06:14] you mentioned he has this PTSD moment.

[1:06:16] He's flashing back to the battles.

[1:06:18] And he's seeing the carnage of the

[1:06:20] riders being unmasked

[1:06:22] as the police are struggling to find the real

[1:06:24] Hood. So he climbs up

[1:06:26] on a carriage or something and he's like,

[1:06:28] It's me! Stop fighting! Which,

[1:06:30] why are you doing that, dude? They're not going to stop.

[1:06:32] But then he's like,

[1:06:34] I'm the Hood. He reveals himself.

[1:06:36] He gets captured.

[1:06:38] Spartacus things I wasn't going to say.

[1:06:40] No, no, they don't do that. It's just that this is

[1:06:42] the third time I think that he's revealed himself.

[1:06:44] He gets dragged into

[1:06:46] the church, right?

[1:06:48] Are they in a church or

[1:06:50] a castle or something? I don't know.

[1:06:52] So he goes into the throne room

[1:06:54] and the sheriff... It's a multi-use evil

[1:06:56] center. Yeah, the sheriff is super excited.

[1:06:58] He has this cool...

[1:07:00] He has this cool cage

[1:07:02] that he's going to lock him up in and

[1:07:04] he talks about how he's going to kill him, yada yada.

[1:07:06] Rob talks a little bit of

[1:07:08] trash and then he looks up. Before he gets killed,

[1:07:10] he looks up and he sees

[1:07:12] one of those guards has a really cool

[1:07:14] metal stump hand.

[1:07:16] Uh-oh!

[1:07:18] It's actually johnned in disguise and the two of them

[1:07:20] kill all the guards, killing more people.

[1:07:22] And then they wrap a rope around

[1:07:24] the sheriff's neck. No wrap.

[1:07:26] Well, in olden days,

[1:07:28] here's what I'm going to say. It's Robin Hood

[1:07:30] and we're doing real good.

[1:07:32] He's a real old school crappy rat.

[1:07:34] Yeah.

[1:07:36] In West Philadelphia, but actually England.

[1:07:38] It's back when

[1:07:40] just the idea of

[1:07:42] talking a rhyme

[1:07:44] was novel enough that

[1:07:46] people were like, yeah, we'll allow anything.

[1:07:48] We call it Wayne Bradying.

[1:07:50] That's what he did on Whose Line Is It Anyway a lot.

[1:07:52] Yeah, they wrap a...

[1:07:54] At this point, I would have expected the sheriff

[1:07:56] to pull a sword cane out and be

[1:07:58] super badass, but he doesn't.

[1:08:00] They just wrap a rope around his neck.

[1:08:02] And he's like, you can't kill me, I'm the sheriff!

[1:08:04] And they're like, not anymore.

[1:08:06] And then the sheriff revokes.

[1:08:08] He says not anymore, which just doesn't make sense.

[1:08:10] Sheriff revokes.

[1:08:12] And then the rope drags him

[1:08:14] up the air and he chokes to death.

[1:08:16] A good movie, his pockets

[1:08:18] would have spilled a few coins on the ground.

[1:08:20] And in real life, he would have pooped himself.

[1:08:22] He'd probably be pooping coins

[1:08:24] in the sky.

[1:08:26] They're both the same, man. Money's just

[1:08:28] shit we believe is valuable.

[1:08:30] Earlier, John had told

[1:08:32] the sheriff, you're

[1:08:34] going to ask for God when you die, but I'm going to be

[1:08:36] the last face that you see.

[1:08:38] So that prophecy is fulfilled.

[1:08:40] Yeah, he did it.

[1:08:42] So I guess they're outlaws at this point.

[1:08:44] They all run off and they're setting up their own little outlaw camp.

[1:08:46] It's like the last day of summer camp.

[1:08:48] They're all going their separate ways, but they're going to meet up and they're like,

[1:08:50] see you in Sherwood!

[1:08:52] They're giving each other high fives.

[1:08:54] And then we get an ending, but a fake ending.

[1:08:56] It cuts to black and we hear a

[1:08:58] Two-Face coin being flipped.

[1:09:00] Something like that.

[1:09:02] Why so serious?

[1:09:06] It's like Two-Face.

[1:09:08] He's going to destroy all of Gotham's water.

[1:09:10] So at this point, we cut to

[1:09:12] Will Scarlet's heel turn.

[1:09:14] His face is unwrapped. He is slightly

[1:09:16] burned. His ear is kind of gross.

[1:09:18] And it turns out that the cardinal

[1:09:20] offers him the position of

[1:09:22] sheriff, which again

[1:09:24] begs real

[1:09:26] questions about the power structure

[1:09:28] in England that the cardinal

[1:09:30] of the Catholic Church is hiring the local

[1:09:32] constabulary, but

[1:09:34] that's right, everybody. It's the end

[1:09:36] of the Green Lantern movie, but in Robin Hood

[1:09:38] times when Sinestro turns, or any other

[1:09:40] hundred movies.

[1:09:42] And then Will, as

[1:09:44] the new sheriff goes out, he starts addressing

[1:09:46] the crowd that they need to stop the hood. He holds

[1:09:48] up a really cool wanted poster. Arrow

[1:09:50] sticks that wanted poster to the wall.

[1:09:52] Bang! We cut to credits.

[1:09:54] And there's like 10 minutes of credits, so when I

[1:09:56] said 43 minutes earlier, it was only like

[1:09:58] 33 minutes.

[1:10:00] the credits there's some kind of song that's like

[1:10:02] at what i don't know if it was a have a good time somewhere if it was like a

[1:10:05] fight the power tax on probably about being a hero or something

[1:10:08] but we have learned all about probably not being here and there's a part in the

[1:10:12] credits where

[1:10:13] it's all animated like kind of drawings and they do a drawing that is a play on

[1:10:17] the famous image that's become a big graffiti thing of the guy with the

[1:10:20] scarf on his mask throwing a molotov cocktail during a street protest and i

[1:10:23] was like come on movie you don't you don't get to co-opt that yeah exactly

[1:10:27] all right quick final judgments because we got to do a live show tonight that's

[1:10:30] why we're in a la quinta

[1:10:32] so uh... show that's right hey thanks for coming to the show everybody

[1:10:37] uh... i think you're confused was this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie

[1:10:41] you kind of liked i'll say that like at the beginning when i was like like i

[1:10:44] said earlier when i thought it was going to be like dumb in a crazy way

[1:10:48] i thought i might like it but it turned out to be dumb

[1:10:52] in a way that i said

[1:10:54] you know kind of

[1:10:55] angered me politically a little bit and bored me so i say it's bad

[1:10:59] yeah this is a bad bad bad bad bad

[1:11:01] yeah this is a bad bad movie there's

[1:11:03] uh... there's some good bad stuff in it if you have a real soft spot for like a

[1:11:07] dumb

[1:11:08] his like

[1:11:09] faux historical action movie

[1:11:12] uh... at least the some of the performances are actually pretty fun and

[1:11:16] good so i like those

[1:11:17] i wish the lead uh... wasn't so bland

[1:11:21] and that the whole movie wasn't just stitched together from other movies but

[1:11:25] whatever

[1:11:25] so bad bad

[1:11:26] i'm gonna say

[1:11:27] bad bad also more just like the uh... the

[1:11:30] the cloaking itself in

[1:11:32] ideas that it didn't end images that it did not earn

[1:11:35] really irritated me but like

[1:11:37] i don't know maybe in some ways it's a good bad movie it's a pretty stupid

[1:11:40] movie

[1:11:40] aside from that so it's like we've seen worse worse movies yeah i mean it's it's

[1:11:44] pretty light so i don't know

[1:11:46] yeah if you're interested in that

[1:11:48] i mean if you're interested in it and you're not going to be troubled by our

[1:11:50] hero just murdering the hell out of a lot of guys

[1:11:53] yeah like a pg sort of way i mean i mean there's no blood it's just like an arrow

[1:11:57] hits them and they fall down

[1:11:59] and then arrows hit him and he gets up and walks away yeah

[1:12:02] alright uh... but he's not wearing armor so it's the uh... his arrow drives the armor

[1:12:07] into their body. The armor is the problem uh...

[1:12:15] hi i'm biv and i'm theresa and we host one bad mother a comedy podcast about

[1:12:20] parenting

[1:12:21] whether you are a parent or just know kids exist in the world join us each

[1:12:25] week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent

[1:12:29] these are really hard questions. They are really hard questions. I don't have any answers for that. I don't either.

[1:12:33] sack of garbage. I know.

[1:12:40] we end this show with just the five minutes of those and theresa crying and screaming until the

[1:12:45] outro is played

[1:12:47] so join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a

[1:12:52] great job. Find us on maximumfun.org

[1:12:55] on apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

[1:13:00] genre film fans hear me i know you're out there

[1:13:03] do not be ashamed of your love for gore, action, sci-fi, or fantasy it's time to

[1:13:09] come out of the shadows because on switchblade sisters we celebrate our love

[1:13:13] for genre films

[1:13:14] i'm film critic april wolf each week i have a conversation with a different

[1:13:17] female filmmaker about their fave genre film and we cover film craft, getting

[1:13:21] projects off the ground, working with actors, and our general love for genre

[1:13:25] movies. I've had so many great guests like heather grant. In the past it's like so

[1:13:29] many films are made by men that the female point of view is not always

[1:13:32] respected which is why all these stories haven't come out till now. Jennifer's body

[1:13:36] director karen kusama. I think there's a lot more fantasy and a lot more

[1:13:40] expectation projected onto a woman director. Comedian and actor kate berlant

[1:13:46] I mean it sounds so cheesy to talk about it in yourself like you just keep going

[1:13:49] you know i'm just a vessel like i i just do it you know i don't think but like

[1:13:54] that is what it is. And many others so check out switchblade sisters every

[1:13:58] thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts

[1:14:01] so guys

[1:14:07] the flop house is brought to you in part by Z-man games. Hell yeah. The makers of

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[1:15:02] about pandemic rapid response at Z-man games.com and grab your copy of the

[1:15:06] game from a target near you. That's awesome. Yeah I just I finally got a

[1:15:12] chance to crack that box and play it the other day and it was really fun.

[1:15:16] As a longtime fan of pandemic I thought this was a really cool twist on it and

[1:15:21] it's faster and I like I like having the little like ticking clock

[1:15:26] mechanic the little timer and then also I learned that you can there's ways to

[1:15:31] make the game easier if you're not very good at it which is good for me yeah

[1:15:34] and I'll take Stuart's word for it since he's the game expert and as not the

[1:15:39] game expert I'll just back him up really fun and I'm a huge fan of cooperative

[1:15:44] games because I just want everybody to get along hey guys why don't we all be

[1:15:48] friends nope only only destruction and winning oh man but well if you don't

[1:15:53] feel like Stuart just now then I heartily recommend it. Dan what's the

[1:15:58] name of that game again? Pandemic. Rapid response. From Z-man games. Get Z-ing

[1:16:03] with it. Is that their tagline? I suppose we should talk a little bit about our

[1:16:10] live show since we don't have any other things to talk about right now. We're

[1:16:14] gonna do one in a few hours. So if you listen to this right now through the

[1:16:19] hotel walls while we're recording we're doing a show tonight in Minneapolis but

[1:16:22] well it's sold out anyway. So why are we talking about it let's talk about our

[1:16:27] Boston shows which are technically in Brookline but it's just right over the

[1:16:30] river. We have a Boston show on September the 28th the early show is sold out but

[1:16:35] there's one at 945 that has tickets available. Now Stuart you did a show in

[1:16:40] this venue already WBUR city space right yeah and was it real fun? It was a blast

[1:16:45] and it's a pretty intimate venue so it you know you're right up on us and so if

[1:16:52] you want to be right up on the Flophouse guys. And behind the audience in the direct

[1:16:58] eyeline of the people on the stage is a giant floor-to-ceiling window so if you

[1:17:03] didn't get tickets to the first show but you want to mess with us feel free to

[1:17:07] stand outside. Or if you didn't get tickets and you want to come to the show just bring a

[1:17:12] stethoscope and put it up against the window. Like a real thief. It takes a thief to catch a

[1:17:18] Flophouse show. And on October the 12th we will be in Los Angeles. My hometown. I love it. I love it because it means I can stay at my house. I don't have to go to a

[1:17:27] La Quinta unless they want to sponsor the show. I think we also want to point out that the Boston shows are going to be doing two

[1:17:33] different movies. Yes. So if by chance you want extra nonsense from us we'll be

[1:17:38] doing two different episodes for almost four hours. But we will that's true we'll be

[1:17:42] doing two different shows so you might want to go to both. We'll be doing a

[1:17:45] different show from both of those when we're in Los Angeles. And I'm so excited

[1:17:49] that Stuart will finally knock on wood knock on wood knock on wood to to to

[1:17:51] don't let the evil eye get us. He will finally be able to join us in LA. I don't know my back's feeling a little twitchy. So even if you saw us in LA two years ago this will be a

[1:18:02] different show. I'm about to get in a fight with this guy named Bane but he's

[1:18:06] just a wimp right? I can't help Stuart's back that we are all hunched over a

[1:18:11] hotel room table. I'm a master of the darkness and unless he was born in the

[1:18:18] dark I think I got this one. I love the idea that Bane walks in and Batman goes wait before we fight no

[1:18:23] back stuff okay and Bane's like um well it's kind of what I do. Oh boy I got to

[1:18:28] really re-strategize on the fly here. Although he would say like oh Batman but

[1:18:34] Bane is like I can't break him over my knee he's my son Dan explain the riddle

[1:18:55] how is this possible? Let's go to letters instead. Doctor I am Bane. The first

[1:19:02] letter is from Jackie last name withheld. Chan? It's spelled J-A-C-Q-U-I so I doubt it's Jackie Chan.

[1:19:18] I don't know maybe he's trying something new. Sure Jackie says hiya fellas what's the

[1:19:23] dumbest pop cultural arguments you were on the wrong side of whether being just

[1:19:27] plain wrong or backing the lesser choice I got into an argument with a girl in

[1:19:31] middle school that quote no the female lead in brain candy is definitely played

[1:19:36] by a woman thanks Jackie last name withheld. Oh similar to that I once got

[1:19:41] into an argument when I was a teenager about the movie Dumblin' Demnity where I

[1:19:44] was insisting that Edward G. Robinson was not in the movie I had never seen

[1:19:48] Dumblin' Demnity but being a nerdy boy I could not admit that and so instead I was

[1:19:52] like no no no no and then I finally years later saw it was like oh he's the

[1:19:55] third lead in the film like he's very obviously in it. Yeah I mean this isn't

[1:20:00] This doesn't quite answer the question, but I want to tell the story anyway.

[1:20:02] It was, uh, when I went to, uh, Max FunCon West, I went to, uh,

[1:20:08] Hodgman and, uh, Chuck's, their trivia, their like cool, fun trivia thing.

[1:20:13] And I was totally worthless the whole time.

[1:20:15] I'm terrible at that sort of thing.

[1:20:17] But there was a question that was like, name all the actors

[1:20:20] who have played Hannibal Lecter.

[1:20:22] And I'm like, Oh, I got this one.

[1:20:24] Cause I thought for some reason, I knew the actor who played

[1:20:28] Hannibal and Hannibal rising or whatever that fucking movie was.

[1:20:31] Where it's like young, young, sexy Hannibal, uh, not to be confused with, uh,

[1:20:36] with, uh, Matt Nicholson, who was always, yeah, yeah.

[1:20:38] Sexy Hannibal.

[1:20:39] Or young Sheldon, which is a different thing.

[1:20:40] Yeah, but he's still Hannibal.

[1:20:41] That'd be an amazing twist in the last episode of young Sheldon

[1:20:45] as he eats one of the other characters.

[1:20:47] Yeah.

[1:20:47] And they're like, Oh, you thought this was that Sheldon for Big Bang Theory?

[1:20:50] This is a different Sheldon.

[1:20:51] It would be weird if it was the same Sheldon.

[1:20:54] And they'd be like, what happened?

[1:20:55] They didn't mention it through all the seasons of Big Bang Theory.

[1:20:57] You're just eating people on the side.

[1:20:58] Is that why Bob Newhart's character is a ghost on that show?

[1:21:02] Has he been eaten by Sheldon?

[1:21:04] It's like, it was a phase he went through and he doesn't feel the need to talk

[1:21:08] about it now that he's an adult.

[1:21:09] So it just never came up.

[1:21:10] So I, I like proudly exclaimed some name that I don't remember now who I thought

[1:21:15] was the actor and I was totally wrong and I've been shamed and we'll never

[1:21:19] do that trivia ever again.

[1:21:21] The one that comes to my mind is the end of, uh, Avengers Infinity War.

[1:21:26] I was convinced that at the end of that Thanos had died, like the power of the

[1:21:32] gauntlet, you know, overcame him.

[1:21:34] Cause like the next thing you see is him talking to Gamora in this like,

[1:21:38] like limbo-y area.

[1:21:40] And I thought like, okay, like he like sacrificed himself to do his mission

[1:21:44] and now he's dead.

[1:21:45] Now he's in heaven as his rightful.

[1:21:47] Well, he's in some sort of afterlife.

[1:21:49] I see.

[1:21:49] Yeah.

[1:21:49] He goes to see his family.

[1:21:53] So that's what I thought.

[1:21:54] And then I was like, oh no, he's, he's in the next movie.

[1:21:57] I think it's interesting that Stuart didn't mention his most famous, uh,

[1:22:00] arguing something that's incorrect about a movie involving a certain ripoffable

[1:22:04] ding dong.

[1:22:04] Oh, that's weird.

[1:22:05] Uh, yeah, I don't know.

[1:22:06] Uh, maybe we could talk about it after the show cause it doesn't sound like

[1:22:10] something I'm familiar with.

[1:22:11] I will.

[1:22:11] I will mention also something that I realized I had grown up at a certain point

[1:22:15] when, and this is not to endorse any personal behavior on the part of the

[1:22:19] filmmaker involved in this, but when I realized that it was not an injustice

[1:22:23] that Annie Hall had defeated Star Wars for best picture as a kid.

[1:22:26] It's always like, can you believe that Annie Hall beat Star Wars?

[1:22:28] Star Wars is amazing.

[1:22:29] And then I read, I remember being around 14 or 15 and seeing Anna Holliman and

[1:22:32] being like, oh, this is a beautiful movie.

[1:22:34] Like, oh yeah, that's why I beat Star Wars.

[1:22:36] Cause it's about grownups.

[1:22:36] Okay.

[1:22:37] You were like, there's no wars in the name at all.

[1:22:40] It's not Annie Wars Hall.

[1:22:41] So, so at what point does Alvy use his mind powers?

[1:22:44] Yep.

[1:22:45] This next letter from David T.

[1:22:46] Last name withheld.

[1:22:48] Okay.

[1:22:49] I assume that stands for David, the last name withheld.

[1:22:52] I thought it was David T.

[1:22:53] and the women.

[1:22:55] Uh,

[1:22:57] the famous Robert Altman film, Dr.

[1:22:58] T and the women.

[1:23:00] Took me a moment.

[1:23:01] And then I was like, I can't believe you said that.

[1:23:03] I can't believe that's the first thing I thought of.

[1:23:06] So David writes, hi floppers.

[1:23:08] On a recent long haul flight, I felt like it would be a good opportunity to

[1:23:12] channel my inner Dan and take in that most rarefied of cinematic forms, the

[1:23:15] plane movie, the onboard entertainment system had even had a number of things.

[1:23:20] I didn't meaning to see including the grand Budapest hotel and red Sparrow.

[1:23:25] However, very similar films.

[1:23:27] I was disappointed to find that upon starting these films, there was a notice

[1:23:31] saying they had been edited for content.

[1:23:33] This notice caused me to immediately lose interest for two reasons.

[1:23:37] The first is just a gut reaction against that kind of censorship.

[1:23:40] While I understand the airline's desire to prevent an unsuspecting kid a few rows

[1:23:44] back from seeing something super violent.

[1:23:46] I feel like that sort of edit fundamentally changes the character of a film.

[1:23:50] Second, if I did, if I did watch that edit, I would later feel compelled to

[1:23:54] go back and watch the real version.

[1:23:57] If I'm going to do that, why watch the censored one in the first place?

[1:24:00] My questions to you are as follows.

[1:24:03] And he's got one for each of us.

[1:24:04] Okay.

[1:24:05] Great.

[1:24:05] Okay.

[1:24:05] I'm assuming he's going to ask Dan about his feelings toward the censorship of the

[1:24:09] new final fantasy remake, where they made one of the women's chests smaller.

[1:24:14] Dan has been raging about it.

[1:24:19] Do not start that rumor.

[1:24:20] Dan, when on a plane, do you watch films that have similar content based edits?

[1:24:26] Elliot, as a father, do you appreciate that sort of censorship of plane movies

[1:24:32] for your children's sake?

[1:24:34] Stu, on a related note, which is the funnier line from a bad TV edit of an R

[1:24:40] rated movie, quote, I've had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to

[1:24:44] Friday plane, or quote, this is what happens when you fight a stranger in the

[1:24:49] Alps.

[1:24:51] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:24:53] P.S.

[1:24:53] I ended up watching the unedited Oceans 8.

[1:24:55] It was fine.

[1:24:56] So maybe we should take this in order.

[1:24:57] Dan, when on a plane, do you watch edited films?

[1:25:00] I do, but I too have the problem that you do.

[1:25:04] I wish that they were unedited.

[1:25:06] I understand the argument for, for editing them for the sake of other passengers, but

[1:25:12] I'm chaotic good.

[1:25:15] And I feel like, whatever, people will see what they'll see.

[1:25:19] It's weird that they, they edited out the objectionable content with just shots of

[1:25:23] planes crashing.

[1:25:26] I will say, I will tell this story.

[1:25:28] I watched, I watched The Overnight, which, The Overnight has long sequences of Adam

[1:25:36] Scott and Jason Schwartzman nude with prosthetic penises.

[1:25:41] But how do you know they're prosthetics?

[1:25:42] You've seen them?

[1:25:43] I've read interviews about them.

[1:25:46] But if you're like, compared to the photos I took through their windows, yeah, yeah.

[1:25:50] He picked up these Cinefix.

[1:25:51] Well, part of it is, part of the thing about it is, Gloria had a huge, huge special feature

[1:25:58] about it, how they, how they do the makeup effects, those prosthetic pieces.

[1:26:01] Also, part of the thing of it is Adam Scott has like a micro penis and Jason Schwartzman

[1:26:05] has a comically large penis.

[1:26:07] Oh, I see.

[1:26:07] But I mean, again, could be possible, but they're like dancing around fully dicks out

[1:26:12] for a lot of the movie.

[1:26:13] And I may be, I may be inventing this in my memory, but I believe that there was one

[1:26:19] point I was watching this movie and one of the captain's announcements came on, which

[1:26:24] of course freezes the screen on this dick scene.

[1:26:29] And I'm just like, oh God, I'm like putting my hand up over the screen.

[1:26:32] Because you want to touch their penis.

[1:26:34] I was like, maybe if I wish hard enough.

[1:26:36] Yeah, is this like a reverse last action hero?

[1:26:38] Where's my magic ticket?

[1:26:40] So anyway, that's, that's my answer.

[1:26:43] Ellie, do you appreciate the content editing or do you not?

[1:26:45] I mean, at this point, it doesn't matter to me because when my son, my son's at the age

[1:26:50] where if when he's on a plane, he sits in front of that screen and we just put on bubble

[1:26:53] guppies or something and he just is glued to it.

[1:26:57] And so he doesn't notice anything else going on in the world around him until it's time

[1:26:59] to eat pretzels.

[1:27:00] In which case we go through our pretzel routine that he and I have that's very cute, where

[1:27:03] we pretend that we're like wine tasters.

[1:27:05] And so we like sniff the pretzels and then listen to them and look at them really close

[1:27:10] and then eat them as if they're delicacies.

[1:27:12] I mean, I think it's for us to judge whether that's cute, Ellie.

[1:27:14] It is.

[1:27:15] Well, you should see it as objectively adorable.

[1:27:18] You get so into it.

[1:27:19] But other than that, he doesn't notice.

[1:27:20] But I'm sure, I mean, I don't know if it's, the thing is, I want, do they really edit

[1:27:24] the violent stuff out?

[1:27:25] Because I know that often nudity gets edited out, but not violence, and rather the violence

[1:27:29] get edited out.

[1:27:30] And swears.

[1:27:31] And swears, it's like the only person who's going to hear the swears is the person.

[1:27:34] It's like you should, your kid should not be watching a movie that you think is

[1:27:37] objectionable on a plane anyway.

[1:27:39] Well, I think it's for people looking over other people's shoulders.

[1:27:42] But that's, well, then swears doesn't matter.

[1:27:44] You worry that they're going to mouth the word, the swears.

[1:27:46] But like, I think it's, first, I think maybe when he gets a little older, I'll be glad

[1:27:50] about that stuff.

[1:27:50] But right now, I have no real opinion on it.

[1:27:53] So it's not the most interesting answer.

[1:27:54] Stewart, do you have a-

[1:27:55] I'm going to say the first one, the one from the-

[1:27:57] Monday to Friday.

[1:27:58] Yeah, the snakes on a plane.

[1:28:00] Monday to Friday is pretty funny.

[1:28:01] It's really great.

[1:28:02] I remember growing up, like, my favorite one was, because it was the one I saw edited

[1:28:07] for content the most, was Coming to America.

[1:28:09] And the whole, forget you too, scene where he's shouting out at the other denizens of

[1:28:14] Queens.

[1:28:14] When he's singing and they want him to shut up.

[1:28:16] Yeah.

[1:28:17] Well, how did they edit the scene where they watch the royal penis?

[1:28:19] I think it's completely removed.

[1:28:22] What they do is they add in a shot of planes crashing.

[1:28:25] Wow, even on television?

[1:28:27] It's strange.

[1:28:28] Comedy Central's wild.

[1:28:29] When I was growing up, my parents were very loose with us watching Booze Nudity.

[1:28:33] So we watched the unedited Coming to America off HBO all the time.

[1:28:36] But we had an edited-

[1:28:36] All the time.

[1:28:37] All the time, constantly.

[1:28:38] Looped.

[1:28:39] They put me in the, it was the Ludovico technique.

[1:28:41] And I had to, they stretched my eyes open.

[1:28:43] We had an edited for TV version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[1:28:46] So the lines, and it seemed when he, it's, I'm just, the line that's in my head in the

[1:28:50] movie is, Cameron is so tight, if you stuck a piece of coal in his fist, in one week you'd

[1:28:56] have a diamond.

[1:28:56] Or later on, Cameron's printing me someone on a phone and he goes, pardon my French, but

[1:29:00] you, sir, are a moron.

[1:29:03] And when I see the unedited one, I'm like, that's not the line.

[1:29:05] Hold on, he says moron there.

[1:29:07] Yeah.

[1:29:09] I was shocked.

[1:29:10] I feel like I was well into adulthood before I learned that Sixteen Candles has a brief

[1:29:15] shower scene in it.

[1:29:16] Oh, wow.

[1:29:16] Yeah.

[1:29:17] But, which is completely, like, gratuitous, by the way.

[1:29:21] But, yeah.

[1:29:22] Removing that scene is the most gratuitous, offensive thing from that movie, you say,

[1:29:25] right?

[1:29:26] No, no.

[1:29:27] Again, don't put words into my mouth.

[1:29:29] No, no, let's quote Dan McCoy on that.

[1:29:32] This last letter is from L.

[1:29:34] Remainder.

[1:29:35] Iliot Kaelin, and it says, hey, guys, it's me.

[1:29:39] I'm trapped in Dan's phone.

[1:29:41] Please let me out.

[1:29:41] There's an imposter there recording with you.

[1:29:44] No, no, shoot him.

[1:29:44] I'm the real Iliot.

[1:29:46] I think we're supposed to shoot your phone, Dan.

[1:29:49] Wait, which one?

[1:29:49] I know this.

[1:29:50] Which one of them has a goatee?

[1:29:53] This is from L.

[1:29:54] Remainder of first name withheld.

[1:29:56] Izzard.

[1:29:57] So, some sort of lizard.

[1:29:59] Okay.

[1:30:00] leddy is there's been some who writes

[1:30:03] i have a question that's right ups that's right up elliot's alley but

[1:30:06] stewart and then feel free to weigh into it right get nice and you don't know

[1:30:10] that's all right about it i want it

[1:30:12] stick that question right on my own god come on get on their uh...

[1:30:16] my son is almost three so i've been watching the cars movies over and over

[1:30:20] welcome to my help

[1:30:21] from the first of the not that bad

[1:30:23] and the first movie two fans of lightning mcqueen flashed their

[1:30:25] headlights at him and he says something like

[1:30:28] i love my job

[1:30:29] in cars two

[1:30:31] mader approaches a vendor at the flea market and asks what she's selling when she

[1:30:34] says

[1:30:35] headlight monsieur headlights

[1:30:37] he seems embarrassed and drives away

[1:30:40] however in the first movie when mac finds mcqueen he says he's a sight for sore

[1:30:44] headlights

[1:30:45] that seems weird since their eyes are in their windshield

[1:30:48] so in the world of cars are headlights boobs? keep up the good work

[1:30:52] el

[1:30:52] izzard i think they are and that actually that joke is one of the

[1:30:56] few in the cars movies that i find that i

[1:30:58] don't like that i don't like outright on content reasons as you guys know

[1:31:02] long-established flop house canon i don't like jokes in kids movies that

[1:31:06] play off of like swear words or like references kids wouldn't know or

[1:31:10] sex stuff

[1:31:11] and so like

[1:31:12] i think the real problem here though is

[1:31:16] why are we mapping human anatomy

[1:31:18] onto non-human figures why are we assuming

[1:31:20] that one

[1:31:21] cars

[1:31:22] bear live young that require milk feeding they're not mammals they don't

[1:31:26] have hair

[1:31:27] or two

[1:31:28] that cars are

[1:31:29] sexually attracted to the same types of body parts that we are

[1:31:33] and also sexually attracted to a body part that is

[1:31:35] exposed at all times exactly you'd think they'd be attracted like they'd pop their

[1:31:39] hoods and show their engines and that's what like hustler in the cars world

[1:31:42] shows how girls pop their hoods have our imaginations gotten so limited

[1:31:46] there's a line in a theodore sturgeon short story where an alien is

[1:31:51] talking about a car

[1:31:52] and says something along the lines of why would they only streamline the

[1:31:55] parts that they could see

[1:31:57] why would they why wouldn't they streamline the whole thing

[1:32:00] and or something like that

[1:32:01] and it's like yeah let's open up our minds to the cars perspective

[1:32:05] why does everything about them

[1:32:07] have to be

[1:32:08] somewhat human you know why does it have to be a but maybe there's a body part

[1:32:11] that cars have

[1:32:13] that is the headlight

[1:32:14] that does a number of different things and yet it's still

[1:32:16] asexual object in some way you know

[1:32:20] yeah i mean i think that's that'll be saved for the uh... the follow-up uh...

[1:32:25] cars for novel written by jeff vandermeer

[1:32:28] it's not yet that really makes us rethink our body horror and our

[1:32:32] creeping paranoia about the cosmos yeah

[1:32:35] uh... so that's what i would say the booze

[1:32:38] yeah

[1:32:40] totally boobs uh... so let's go on to the final

[1:32:44] part of the show will make a few recommendations of movies you should watch

[1:32:48] instead of robin hood

[1:32:50] let's do it we all say i should mention to that person they haven't seen cars

[1:32:54] three with their kid

[1:32:55] cars three is the best of the car series

[1:32:57] do you think so? i do think so yeah i watched about

[1:33:00] a third of it on netflix and was enjoying it fairly well and then didn't

[1:33:03] feel the need to return to it i think that's ok i think we might have talked about this before

[1:33:07] and i might have mentioned you are not the target audience for the cars films

[1:33:10] so are we going to recommend robin hood movies

[1:33:12] uh... we don't have to but you can if you want ok

[1:33:15] i'm going to recommend robin hood from twenty eighteen it stars jamie foxx

[1:33:19] and it's just like finally a movie with ideas you know

[1:33:23] is it my daddy's robin hood? is your daddy jamie foxx?

[1:33:27] no my daddy's kevin costner

[1:33:29] ok then no it's not

[1:33:32] uh...

[1:33:33] i guess i'll go look

[1:33:35] look here's the here's the secret about recommendations

[1:33:38] we don't have to recommend something that we saw recently

[1:33:42] that often happens and i don't know why you guys do it but in my case because

[1:33:47] my memory is bad and i can't remember like what movie i liked in the past that i

[1:33:51] haven't recommended before

[1:33:53] and so

[1:33:54] uh... sometimes i end up just recommending whatever

[1:33:58] i saw recently

[1:33:59] which is not to say i did not like the movie i'm going to recommend it's just

[1:34:02] going to say it's just to say there's no

[1:34:04] need for me to recommend because it's a big blockbuster movie

[1:34:07] and that's uh... your spider-man far from home

[1:34:11] i really like the

[1:34:13] sam raimi spider

[1:34:15] men

[1:34:15] but uh...

[1:34:17] i think overall

[1:34:18] this new version of my favorite spider-man version

[1:34:22] i i will say that i think that uh...

[1:34:25] yeah you didn't like uh... spider-verse right? you like a plain old white spider-verse

[1:34:29] well spider-verse

[1:34:32] you said something about i can't relate to this spider-man

[1:34:36] again

[1:34:37] you guys are jerks you could put your finger on it but there's just something you found

[1:34:40] threatening you guys are assholes alright spider-verse actually might be the best spider-man movie

[1:34:46] almost certainly the best although sentimentally spider-man 2 was my favorite

[1:34:49] that being said of the continuing stories i'm sure they'll do a spider-verse sequel

[1:34:52] but of the continuing stories so far they already did a spider-verse sequel in the comics

[1:34:56] i like this version and i will say that

[1:35:00] definitely this is my favorite

[1:35:02] i think zendaya is my favorite uh... love interest for a spider-man i think she's

[1:35:07] super charming in this movie even though she's meachy

[1:35:10] i don't know why that would affect things

[1:35:15] i just the whole movie i was like spider-man that's meachy

[1:35:18] uh... i like the i like the

[1:35:21] the fact that they are able so so

[1:35:24] able in these movies

[1:35:25] to combine like a light-hearted teen comedy

[1:35:28] and a superhero movie

[1:35:30] and to the degree that i went to the theater with my girlfriend and she

[1:35:35] was so upset about the parts where there was conflict she's just like

[1:35:39] i want to see a movie about

[1:35:40] spider-man taking a

[1:35:43] european vacation and getting to kiss people

[1:35:45] i want to be happy about what's happening like

[1:35:48] there's so many complications that keep him from being happy well that's kind of the

[1:35:50] spider-man thing it's kind of his deal he never gets to be happy

[1:35:54] do not show her if looks could kill starring richard grieco

[1:35:57] uh... but anyway uh... just a lot of fun

[1:36:00] that's all

[1:36:02] i can go next i'm going to recommend i'm going to continue my trend of horror movies

[1:36:06] focusing on a single mother with a child

[1:36:09] i'm going to recommend a recent movie called uh... the hole in the ground

[1:36:13] uh... it's

[1:36:15] i think english or irish uh... it's an irish movie

[1:36:19] and it is about a woman who has moved into a new home

[1:36:23] and she discovers behind in the woods behind her house there is a massive like

[1:36:29] sinkhole thing

[1:36:30] and then one night when her son is out in the uh... her son she thinks her son

[1:36:35] has run off

[1:36:36] uh... but when she finds her son he he seems to be acting different than what

[1:36:41] she expected and she's concerned that her son might be some kind of a

[1:36:44] doppelganger or something and it's uh... it's you know it plays on some

[1:36:48] classic stuff uh... but it's a fun watch and if you like horror movies check it out

[1:36:53] uh... i'm gonna do a kind of

[1:36:55] too easy recommendation and then so i might throw in another one but i mean i

[1:36:58] mentioned already in this movie i feel like

[1:37:00] in this movie in this episode

[1:37:01] we watched a robin hood movie i really love the errol flynn adventures of robin hood

[1:37:04] so i'm really if you haven't seen it it's just like the most

[1:37:09] like one of those like

[1:37:10] perfectly put together thirties studio just

[1:37:13] glossy adventure movies that

[1:37:15] has

[1:37:16] really nothing going on in it except just non-stop like kind of fun and adventure

[1:37:20] and errol flynn

[1:37:21] is just so like charismatic and alive in it like our idea of what robin hood is

[1:37:25] like

[1:37:26] a lot of it comes from this movie

[1:37:27] olivia de havilland's in it and she's great and she's still alive and every day

[1:37:30] that i remember that olivia de havilland is still alive i'm like oh that's wonderful

[1:37:34] it's just like

[1:37:35] super fun like eugene pallett's fryer tuck is like

[1:37:38] always the fryer tuck for me and it's in color

[1:37:41] in that beautiful thirties technicolor because they put a lot of money into the sets and the

[1:37:44] costumes and everything

[1:37:45] it just looks gorgeous the sword fighting is great the adventures of robin hood

[1:37:49] like and i'm sure that

[1:37:50] i bet you there are things in it that don't like culturally hold up today i

[1:37:54] haven't seen it in a few years

[1:37:55] it's just like

[1:37:57] you know non-stop fantasy adventure in a great way but it feels like it's pretty

[1:38:00] easy

[1:38:01] to just recommend a better robin hood movie speaking i mean speaking of other

[1:38:04] robin hood movies i'm glad the one we watched today didn't try to be like

[1:38:08] the hot sexy robin hood because we already have that that's the animated robin hood

[1:38:12] which is the sexiest of all the robin hoods oh boy i watched that again recently and sammy

[1:38:16] loved it and i'm like oh i forgot this is one of the most boring animated movies

[1:38:20] ever made come at come at me haters that fox is super sexy i loved it when i was a kid

[1:38:24] it's super sexy but it is watch it again it is so dull partly because

[1:38:28] it was made on a

[1:38:29] really tight budget they're reusing animation from like other movies from the jungle book

[1:38:34] and the audio recording is bad you can hear the rooms that they're recording

[1:38:38] like peter ustinov is yelling and you can hear the sound bouncing off the

[1:38:41] ceilings but also the way it's shot

[1:38:44] it's all

[1:38:44] wide shot

[1:38:45] two shot close up on whoever's talking like there's no interesting they don't

[1:38:48] take advantage of animation because they didn't have the money to do it so like

[1:38:52] you're just using the same backgrounds over and over again like it's

[1:38:55] it's a you watch it as an adult and you're like oh this is a movie that was really made on a

[1:38:58] budget like

[1:38:59] you compare it to a movie like

[1:39:00] Pinocchio or even like Dumbo which was also made on a budget

[1:39:04] but thirty years earlier and it just doesn't

[1:39:06] hold up anyway

[1:39:07] so that's my hot take is I don't like the Disney Robin Hood but the Errol Flynn Robin Hood

[1:39:11] I love but because it's easy to recommend a Robin Hood

[1:39:14] I've been on a real western kick lately and it's made me think about

[1:39:17] one of my favorite westerns of all time

[1:39:19] I don't think I've recommended it on the show before I apologize for that it's called The Gunfighter

[1:39:22] starring Gregory Peck

[1:39:23] it's a Henry King movie

[1:39:25] and Gregory Peck plays the classic character of

[1:39:28] a gunfighter he's the quickest draw

[1:39:30] so he's always being challenged when he was a young man

[1:39:33] he made a big reputation and now he's haunted by it because men are constantly

[1:39:36] challenging him

[1:39:38] and he has to prove himself in order to save his life and that means he's racked up a

[1:39:41] trail of bodies along the way

[1:39:42] and he's become haunted and

[1:39:44] he has a love that he left behind in a town and a son who doesn't know that

[1:39:48] this man is his father

[1:39:50] and he decides that he's going to go back

[1:39:52] to the town they're in and visit them and the whole movie takes place pretty much over

[1:39:55] one

[1:39:56] day maybe even one afternoon no no it's one day

[1:39:59] and it's him in this

[1:40:00] And kind of dealing with the consequences of this life that he built for himself. It's a really really great movie

[1:40:05] Maybe doesn't know it doesn't all take it takes mostly place in one day. It's yeah, it's mostly

[1:40:09] It's not a real time or anything, but no no it's mostly in it, but Gregory Peck's really great

[1:40:13] And it's not like Nick of time

[1:40:15] No

[1:40:15] I once hosted a screening of it and because I one of the projectors was down we had to there had to be a break

[1:40:21] Between each of the reels while they were changing the reels. Oh because this is back in olden times everybody. We're using real film and

[1:40:26] Every single like it's like every 10 minutes

[1:40:30] There was enough of a little cliffhanger that like you needed that next reel

[1:40:33] And I was just amazed it wasn't till that moment

[1:40:35] I realized how beautifully structured the movie is so the gunfighter

[1:40:38] But if that's if you want something that's slightly more serious

[1:40:40] But if you just want to like check your brain of the door the adventures of Robin Hood

[1:40:43] Yeah, gunfighters one of those ones that I recorded off of turn classic movies

[1:40:48] Just sort of on faith because it had like five star rating or whatever and I'm like this is interesting

[1:40:54] You know I like Gregory Peck I like a Western and yeah, I was not disappointed. It's super good

[1:40:59] That's the movie that was not a huge success at the time and people were like because because Gregory Peck has a mustache

[1:41:04] How can you cover up that pun of an expect to make money come on?

[1:41:07] well, let's

[1:41:09] Close up the old flop house

[1:41:12] Bring down the gates turn the lights down. Yeah, we got a tense put the elephants back on the tanker schedule before the show

[1:41:19] So let's just end it and by ending it. I will start to end it by saying saving a lot of time

[1:41:25] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:41:27] I've been Stuart Wellington, and this isn't your daddy's Ellie Kalen saying I've been Ellie Kalen, but not your daddy's Ellie Kalen cool

[1:41:34] See ya

[1:41:36] Oh

[1:41:44] Nobody likes us everybody hates us. Yes

[1:41:48] Eat worms how do we fried worms on bookstores now? I mean on shelves on top of the store

[1:41:57] Big stack of them land your helicopter on Barnes & Noble pick up the book, okay?

[1:42:02] Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

Ep. #289 - Robin Hood

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