Ep. #301 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, a very special Flophouse in theaters, we discuss Star Wars Rise of Skywalker.

[0:13] Stewart gives it two thumbs somewhere.

[0:16] Oh man, you don't want to know.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:48] Hey there Dan, it's me, Stewart Wellington.

[0:51] That was a little bit of a cowboy angle.

[0:54] Oh, let's mosey on over to this cantina.

[0:58] Well, as the sun goes down over Flophouse Town...

[1:03] That's really the first thing you can think of?

[1:05] We ambled on down to the Catfish Creek to catch ourselves dinner.

[1:10] I mean, we should have caught dinner before the sun went down.

[1:13] It's going to be more difficult doing night fishing, but you know what?

[1:16] Nothing tastes better than a 1am meal.

[1:19] The hard part is going to be building the fire when it's dark out.

[1:23] It's called the fourth meal over a taco bell.

[1:27] I mean, if it's near the winter solstice...

[1:29] You're right Dan, it's late in the year so it gets darker earlier.

[1:32] Who wants to eat dinner at 3pm out on the range?

[1:36] I'm Elliot Kaelin, by the way.

[1:38] Though, to quote my father, at 3pm there's less of a crowd so the restaurant's better, obviously.

[1:44] You're right, it's easier to get a table by the river with a catfisher jumping.

[1:50] What did you call it? A crick earlier?

[1:52] A crackling crick.

[1:54] Wait, the crick is crackling?

[1:57] It's crack-a-lack-ling.

[2:00] That would be the moment when the sheriff shoots you.

[2:04] I don't want to unpack-a-lack that joke.

[2:09] So, we're all together here in my suddenly very hot apartment.

[2:14] All together now, all together now, on this episode of The Flophouse.

[2:19] And it's kind of impromptu, so we don't have it planned the way we normally do.

[2:24] Yeah, this is going to be a slightly different episode of The Flophouse.

[2:27] Number one...

[2:28] Yeah, we're trying things out, you know, mixing it up.

[2:30] I guess.

[2:31] Or maybe it's just that we sort of threw this together at the last minute,

[2:34] because Elliot was going to be in town.

[2:36] I was in town for my cousin's wedding.

[2:38] Well, you are in town, currently.

[2:40] I know you're speaking to the listener.

[2:42] I mean, when this episode is released, I may still be in town.

[2:44] Do you think my cousin's wedding was the planned sequel for My Cousin Vinny?

[2:49] Do I think that?

[2:51] Yeah, have you ever think that?

[2:53] We finally see Vinny get married to Marissa Tomei, but here's the thing.

[2:56] This time, Vinny's in jail.

[2:58] And Marissa Tomei has to argue the case to get him out,

[3:02] because only a fool would represent himself in court.

[3:04] And Vinny is no fool, as seen in My Cousin Vinny,

[3:08] in which that fast-talking New York wise guy,

[3:11] not actually a wise guy, but you know what I mean,

[3:13] he manages to pull one over on those smooth southern slicksters.

[3:18] He seems so nice.

[3:20] Wait, they're slick southerners?

[3:22] Well, the lawyer is.

[3:23] Vinny seems so nice in that movie,

[3:25] but then I saw The Irishman recently,

[3:27] and I don't know what time happened to him,

[3:29] but he was really mean to people.

[3:31] Well, I mean, I wouldn't describe him as not nice.

[3:35] He wants to be friends with the Irishman's daughter really badly, you know,

[3:39] and obviously being spurned in the friendship of a kid.

[3:42] He's relatively patient with Al Pacino, considering.

[3:46] And he's very wrinkly at one point.

[3:49] They're all very wrinkly.

[3:51] The Irishman is the movie where I spent the first 40 minutes being like,

[3:54] how old is Robert De Niro supposed to be?

[3:57] Because he looks like he's in his 50s,

[3:59] but they're all calling him The Kid, and he just got back from the war.

[4:02] Yeah, there's that bit where he beats up that shopkeeper,

[4:05] and he like curb stomps him,

[4:07] and it's the fakest thing I've ever seen.

[4:10] He's worried that his corset's going to pop if he lifts his leg too high.

[4:14] Well, we've derailed ourselves almost immediately.

[4:16] We're talking about The Irishman, right?

[4:17] The point is, all right, number one.

[4:19] Also, Robert De Niro, I think, is Italian.

[4:22] Wait, what?

[4:24] Hold on.

[4:25] I think you need to look at the chyron again.

[4:27] Good point.

[4:28] Number one, this episode is going to be slightly different

[4:30] because we sort of threw it together because Elliot's in town.

[4:33] And we realized we had all seen the same movie.

[4:36] Yes, we're talking about Rise of Skywalker

[4:41] because we all have thoughts about it.

[4:43] Everyone rises.

[4:44] Dark Nights, Planet of the Apes.

[4:46] Eventually Skywalker was going to.

[4:48] You know what?

[4:49] Normally we don't see movies in theaters.

[4:51] Well, we do, but not for the podcast.

[4:54] Well, you guys frequently see movies in theaters.

[4:56] I do not normally see them because it's hard for me to get out at night.

[4:59] Yeah, I mean, there was a moment in life.

[5:02] It's like in a video game where an NPC gave me an option.

[5:05] I had two options.

[5:06] I could go see movies or I could have children, and I chose option A.

[5:11] There are times when I wonder if I made the wrong choice.

[5:14] Then I see those sweet little boys' faces and I go, oh.

[5:17] You might see sweet little boys on the silver screen.

[5:19] They're similar things.

[5:20] Both are very, very popular choices.

[5:22] I mean, you could go see Jojo Rabbit and see someone who looks just like my son on the movie screen.

[5:27] You could also see a good movie.

[5:29] Oh, whoa, oh.

[5:32] I hope Taika Waititi doesn't listen to this.

[5:34] He's very cool.

[5:35] He's too busy and cool.

[5:36] Yeah, we all like you, Taika.

[5:38] But the other thing.

[5:40] Danny's not listening.

[5:41] Somehow that was much worse than Dan being legitimately afraid that he would hear it.

[5:45] But then, Stuart, I'm sorry.

[5:47] The other thing is, like, I don't know.

[5:50] Maybe we'll do some of our other regular segments, but maybe we won't in this episode.

[5:55] Keep them guessing.

[5:56] So think of this as a Flophouse after dark because it is after dark because it's near the solstice, the winter solstice.

[6:02] You're really hitting that solstice hard.

[6:04] Really dating the episode, Dan.

[6:06] This is going to be released at the very least a week after the solstice.

[6:10] The solstice already.

[6:12] What is it, the 21st of December?

[6:14] Why are you looking at me?

[6:15] You're a pagan.

[6:17] Because you're a calendar man, Stu.

[6:19] Oh, sorry.

[6:20] I shouldn't have revealed that.

[6:21] Batman, don't.

[6:22] Batman's been listening this whole time.

[6:23] I hope Batman's not listening.

[6:24] We love you, bats.

[6:25] It's okay.

[6:26] Who's Batman's tech person?

[6:28] Is it, like, radio or gizmo duck?

[6:32] Is Oracle the tech person or just, like, a research assistant?

[6:36] Dan, who's Batman's tech person?

[6:38] The geek squad?

[6:39] The one Morgan Freeman?

[6:41] Morgan Freeman.

[6:43] Oh, Lucius Fox.

[6:44] Okay, Lucius Fox, yeah.

[6:46] Okay.

[6:47] We've had a lot of fun here, but we're not talking about DC Comics character the Batman.

[6:51] We're going to talk about the Irishman.

[6:53] No, he's the superhero who has the power of the Irish, which means he's lucky, which means he's long shot.

[6:59] Before we move on, I'll say I'm impressed that we've had a lot of laughs at the expense of the Irishman's wacky digital effects.

[7:06] But you know what?

[7:07] It manages to still be really good despite those things or possibly because of those things.

[7:11] Well, the Irishman is, to me, and then we'll get into what the movie actually is about.

[7:14] It's like when you see a band live and you're like, I love this band, I love this song, and the band is like, you know what?

[7:19] We've been playing this song for 30 years.

[7:21] We're going to do kind of like a loose jam version of this song.

[7:24] And you're like, you know what?

[7:25] If this had been the first version I ever heard, I don't think it would have been my favorite, but I love seeing them playing around and having fun with this thing that they do so well.

[7:33] And that, to me, is the Irishman.

[7:34] Mark Scorsese is like, I've done this story before.

[7:38] I'm going to do the kind of thing where I play around with it and I just take my time with it and just – I do things that normally I would cut out because I'm trying to make this movie punchy.

[7:47] Like a scene where two characters talk about cereal preferences.

[7:50] Yeah, well, frankly, my favorite parts are the fact that Joe Pesci cannot become friends with Rob De Niro's daughter and Jimmy Hoffa so naturally becomes friends with Rob De Niro's daughter.

[8:00] And I'm like, I want to see a movie about that, about these two corrupt guys fighting over the friendship of this adolescent girl, and there's nothing creepy about it.

[8:09] It's literally just that, like, this girl is – they just – the thing that childless old men have where they're like, oh, I need the life that comes from being around a young person.

[8:17] You guys will know what it's like.

[8:20] Wait, does that make me Hoffa or Joe Pesci?

[8:24] Look, everyone decides whether to be a Hoffa or a Pesci.

[8:27] Between the two of us, I think we both know who a child would naturally find warm and approachable.

[8:34] I don't know, Dan.

[8:36] I would refer you to, again, when you would come over for dinner and you and Sammy would watch The Muppets together.

[8:41] That's true.

[8:42] Your son is a very special child.

[8:45] Yeah, you're warm, whereas I might be cool, put on Mr. Freeze costume, blast ice all over the place.

[8:53] Whoa.

[8:54] This is my apartment, Stuart.

[8:56] Not anymore.

[8:57] OK, it'll melt. It'll melt, Dan. It'll melt.

[8:59] Yeah, but then the water damage.

[9:01] Yeah, well, that you'll have to deal with, sure.

[9:03] Yeah, that's one thing that Bayman doesn't really talk about is the water damage caused by Mr. Freeze's bullshit.

[9:08] And that's the real crime.

[9:10] So I guess what I'm saying is I wish The Irishman was called The Irishman's Daughter and it was just these two old gangsters fighting over the friendship of this kid.

[9:17] But OK, it's the Jam Band version.

[9:19] OK, but we're here to talk about Star Wars, The Rise of Skywalker, the possibly final chapter in the Star Wars saga.

[9:26] Of course we know it won't be.

[9:27] There's money to be made.

[9:28] According to a word on the street, it was a huge financial flop, right?

[9:32] What?

[9:34] I mean, it did make the least of the three new movies.

[9:38] It was also like – one, I'm sure it was disappointing to them, but also I remember when The Last Jedi came out and they were like, didn't do the business that Force Awakens did.

[9:47] It looks like Star Wars is slipping.

[9:49] It was like, yeah, dude, Force Awakens was the first new Star Wars movie in, what, 15 years?

[9:53] Yeah.

[9:54] Releasing another movie a year or two later, of course it's not going to be as exciting.

[9:57] People aren't going to rush out to see it.

[9:58] Like Han Solo's in that shit, dude.

[10:00] People love Han Solo, except for Harrison Ford.

[10:07] They like Han Solo when it's Harrison Ford, because when it's someone else playing Han Solo, people are not quite so eager to see the adventures of Han Solo.

[10:16] This guy kind of is Han Solo. You can't just slot another dude in.

[10:22] It's like when they try to make all those Pink Panther movies without Peter Sellers.

[10:28] That's the thing about the Pink Panthers. He's a mythic character. Anyone can play him. He's like Odysseus. He has many masks.

[10:33] And it's like, no, it's pretty much just Peter Sellers.

[10:36] Now, I know that, I mean, people are going to write in.

[10:39] Elliot knows that the character is, in fact, called Inspector Clouseau in Pink Panther.

[10:44] There was the diamond.

[10:45] The diamond that was stolen by, what's David Niven's character?

[10:49] I've only watched that one once, because it's actually one of the less funny ones.

[10:54] I reached a certain age where I stopped caring whether Frankenstein was the doctor or the monster.

[10:58] I'm just going to call Clouseau's character the Pink Panther since he essentially became that.

[11:02] The same way I know Nick Charles is not the Thin Man.

[11:05] The Thin Man is the man he is looking for who's disappeared.

[11:08] But by the second movie, it's like, look, we're just going to start talking about him as if he's the Thin Man.

[11:13] Come on.

[11:14] So there's no reason to call those movies the Pink Panther if it's not Peter Sellers, because the diamond is no longer a plot point.

[11:20] David Niven is the bad guy in Time Bandits, right?

[11:24] No.

[11:25] That's Ralph.

[11:26] That's – why am I forgetting his name?

[11:29] For a second, you said we're going to say Ralph Richardson.

[11:32] Who plays God, yeah.

[11:33] It's – I don't remember.

[11:36] Look it up.

[11:37] David Warner?

[11:38] Yes, it's David Warner, who is much younger than David Niven.

[11:41] Okay.

[11:42] Well, that was a fun trip.

[11:43] David Niven is from the golden age of Hollywood.

[11:45] David Warner is from later on.

[11:47] Anyway, so The Rise of Skywalker.

[11:49] So, guys, we're going to get into it.

[11:51] It's like I'm avoiding talking about this movie.

[11:53] So basically here's what you need to know about the plot of The Rise of Skywalker.

[11:56] The emperor is back somehow.

[11:58] That's how it's explained in the movie.

[12:00] The emperor came back somehow, and he's like –

[12:02] Sometimes they come back.

[12:04] So going into this one, we're all like Star Wars freaks, right?

[12:08] I mean it's weird what kind – knowing that Star Wars is a wholly corporate-owned entity and exists at this point to make money and not because it's expressing the vision of an artist.

[12:21] I still have such a strong emotional connection with it, and I'm still – I watched the first – I was very excited to watch the first movies with my son finally, and watching them, I'm like, these still cast a spell over me.

[12:32] And it's still amazing to me that so much of this just came out of George Lucas' mind combining different disparate elements into a story that is phenomenally entertaining and moving in a way that is not necessarily meant to be and that is beautiful in some ways and gave all these other people the opportunity to exercise their craft in really fantastic ways.

[12:54] And it's also – there are also movies that like – I feel like for the – like you can look at most of them and find – like cast a critical eye on them and try and pick apart details, but at this point, I have no control over my emotional attachment.

[13:08] I have seen every single Star Wars movie, and I have left the movie theater not disappointed.

[13:15] That includes the prequels.

[13:18] I can't control it.

[13:20] I can be like, this was dumb and silly, but I wasn't mad.

[13:24] Yeah, but when you left this one, how did you feel?

[13:26] I felt very unhappy.

[13:28] So I think Dan and I and you, we form a spectrum where you were very unhappy about it.

[13:33] Dan was like, Star Wars, what are you going to do?

[13:35] I'm kind of in the middle where I'm like – I think I'm not – if I was younger, I would be mad, but instead I'm just kind of like, you know what?

[13:43] I'm not angry.

[13:44] I'm just disappointed.

[13:45] I'm disappointed in you.

[13:46] So mature of you.

[13:47] I'm enraged and tort my hair and garments, which was a cool Darth Maul all-over print T-shirt.

[13:54] I don't know why I had to say cool.

[13:57] I think you guys have seen that.

[13:58] It's redundant to say cool Darth Maul all-over print T-shirt.

[14:02] It's like, oh, you were handed the reins – all the people involved, and it's easy to put this at the feet of one person, but a lot of people were involved.

[14:10] You were handed the reins of like this really – it is a franchise, but it's a special thing that holds a special place in people's hearts.

[14:16] And you were like, I guess we'll just do it again, but we'll make it into like a scavenger hunt for magic objects that Star Wars has never been.

[14:26] We'll get into that.

[14:27] I just like – this is a very MacGuffin-based Star Wars movie.

[14:31] The fact that they have to find a magic dagger so they can read an inscription on the dagger to find the Wayfinder so that they can use the Wayfinder to find the evil planet where the emperor has his huge fleet of ships that he built somehow.

[14:41] It's a point-and-click adventure, Elliot.

[14:43] It does feel like a point-and-click.

[14:44] The fleet of star destroyers that all grew giant planet-destroying dicks.

[14:48] That are easily destroyed by just shooting them with B-wings and A-wings.

[14:53] It's like if in the first movie Luke – and we'll get into the plot briefly.

[14:57] But it's like in the first movie, Luke and Han went to the Death Star.

[15:00] I love that you're mad at how easily they blew up.

[15:02] You're like, their armor rating is much higher than the –

[15:05] Well, no, because they were built up as this enormous threat, and then it's just like, oh, a couple shots just takes it out when it's time for them to be taken out.

[15:11] But the – if Luke and Han went to the Death Star, and they went to the cell block, and they opened the door, and there's a fucking mushroom man.

[15:18] And he said, the princess is in another Death Star.

[15:20] Here's a clue that will help you find that.

[15:22] The fact that in this movie they're like, we have to find the clue to the Wayfinder without any sense of how ridiculous that is.

[15:29] Not to jump way ahead in the movie, but the most egregious example of that is when they go to the ruins of the old Death Star off in the ocean of some planet.

[15:40] And they pull out the dagger, and the side of it, the grooves match up with the destroyed Death Star.

[15:47] And I'm like, OK, well, who did this at what point and why?

[15:51] Did it match up with the Death Star, or was it like a mountain or something like that?

[15:54] No, it matched up with the Death Star.

[15:56] It was like the circle part of the Death Star, really.

[15:59] It was a dagger that was held by this super tough bounty hunter everyone was afraid of, who also had the goofiest, doofiest robot sidekick.

[16:07] Just the fact that they're like, we're introducing a new robot.

[16:10] By the way, he looks like he's made out of shit, and he has no personality, and he bumps into things.

[16:14] Like, what the fuck is this?

[16:16] Let's not badmouth the best thing in the movie.

[16:18] The best thing in the movie is the chimp blacksmith who welds Kylo Ren's mask back together.

[16:25] And I was like, more of this, please.

[16:27] The craziest thing is that he's just a normal chimp.

[16:31] This is just a regular chimp that they trained to do this.

[16:35] Because here's the thing about chimps.

[16:38] Finally, after 300 episodes, we're finally getting to the thing about chimps.

[16:43] And this is something that I just learned this year.

[16:45] Chimps, you can teach them how to smoke cigarettes.

[16:49] But then you don't have to.

[16:51] But try and get them to stop.

[16:53] And then you can get them to do anything.

[16:58] Because the trick is, they don't have the right thumbs to light a lighter.

[17:01] So they need you to light that cigarette.

[17:03] So it's not that they're trained to smoke cigarettes.

[17:05] It's that you can train them to do anything else you want, as long as you keep supplying them with smokes.

[17:10] I'm sorry for laughing, because that's one of the worst things I've ever heard.

[17:14] Oh, it's terrible.

[17:15] But almost as terrible as learning that all the First Order stunt troopers who are massacred en masse were kidnapped as children.

[17:21] And abused and forced to become stormtroopers.

[17:24] It's so crazy that J.J. Abrams, who put together the first movie and is doing the final movie,

[17:32] that he introduced Finn, who is a stormtrooper who we find out is enslaved and forced to become a stormtrooper, like a child soldier.

[17:41] And he breaks himself free.

[17:44] And his arc was not to liberate them in a revolution.

[17:47] It's for him to go and blow them all up.

[17:50] The story for this was also partly based on the Colin Trevorrow movie that didn't get made, it seems.

[17:56] And as we know from the Book of Henry, he has some interesting ideas about childhood and how children are supposed to be done anything with.

[18:03] But it puts such a weird cast on the movie, and again, jumping ahead,

[18:09] that the main character is struggling with whether or not to kill the evilest man in the universe

[18:14] who can shoot spaceship-destroying lightning out of his hands.

[18:18] That's crazy. What was going on there?

[18:21] But people who are forced to become soldiers, it's like, kill them all. Just kill them all. Wipe them out. Exterminate them.

[18:26] It made me really feel gross about Star Wars in general.

[18:30] How was he shooting so much lighting? Was it because he was hooked up to the Hellraiser II?

[18:34] Because he drained the power of the dyad.

[18:36] Because Kylo Ren and Rey have a special friendship.

[18:39] Oh, yeah.

[18:41] They have a special relationship, like we do, with Grapefruit.

[18:45] Oh, okay.

[18:47] So anyway, here's the plot very quickly.

[18:49] The Emperor's back. How'd he do it? He's got magic powers. He just did it.

[18:52] He's got a planet of Sith that just sit around in cloaks in a stadium waiting for him to become all-powerful.

[18:58] And he's attached to a big metal gantry like Cameron Hodge in Genosha.

[19:02] But the thing is, the weight means it's going to be so good when something happens.

[19:07] It's tantric worship, I guess.

[19:10] And he tells Kylo Ren, hey, I want you to bring Rey to me. Ha ha ha.

[19:15] There's a secret. Blah, blah, blah.

[19:17] And instantly you're like, oh, is he like her dad or her grandpa or something?

[19:20] Because that would be dumb, but I guess that's exactly what it is.

[19:23] To find this secret Sith planet, you need a Wayfinder, which is a magic Triforce type of triangle.

[19:29] So the heroes of the movie have to find this Wayfinder, which means finding a magic dagger,

[19:33] which has inscribed on it the information where the Wayfinder is, and then they find the Wayfinder.

[19:39] Did you gloss over the part where Rey uses her magic powers to heal the angry snake?

[19:44] No, because to get the dagger, they've got to go to a desert planet that is not Tatooine or Jakku.

[19:49] It's a different desert planet where there is some kind of Burning Man alien worship ceremony,

[19:54] which was one of the few things the movie was like, OK, this is great.

[19:57] It's something I've never seen in Star Wars before.

[20:00] very quickly after a little girl gives Ray a lei and asks her her family name and she

[20:05] says oh I don't have one.

[20:06] I was really hoping that little girl was going to ask for money.

[20:10] And Ray then heals a sandworm that is wounded and I was like okay.

[20:13] Wait were there already?

[20:14] I spaced out all of a sudden and we're in the middle of a movie.

[20:15] Well we skipped a lot but the reason I like the sandworm was like oh they did manage to

[20:20] get some dune in this Star Wars.

[20:22] She should be riding that sandworm.

[20:23] Also Poe used to be a spice trader apparently.

[20:26] Well but they're all spice traders.

[20:27] Like Han was a spice.

[20:28] That was the whole thing that got him in trouble with Jabba was he dumped a shipment

[20:31] of spice.

[20:32] Right?

[20:33] Was it specifically spice?

[20:34] I thought they just talked about like Jabba doesn't have time for someone who dumps his

[20:38] cargo at the first sign of.

[20:40] Maybe it was in an extended universe that they called spice.

[20:44] Maybe it was subscriptions to the spice network.

[20:47] I don't know.

[20:48] Oh boy.

[20:49] Anyway.

[20:50] That is important to the universe.

[20:51] The thing is I didn't take notes while watching this movie because I just watched it for fun

[20:53] zones.

[20:54] Yeah sure.

[20:55] So it's going to be this.

[20:56] Oh also.

[20:57] General Princess Leia has also tells Rey with some very generic lines of dialogue that were

[21:05] clearly recorded before Carrie Fisher died and were then inserted into the movie that

[21:09] she needs to go off and do her thing.

[21:13] I was easier on the movie than I think either of you but this was like the first huge warning

[21:18] sign to me.

[21:19] Just like having Carrie Fisher stand around like obviously superimposed saying like whatever

[21:25] loose lines they had and like okay let's write around these.

[21:29] It really shows you how much Star Wars dialogue out of context is just like generic random

[21:34] gibberish like that.

[21:36] You could take Yoda saying you know do or do not there is no try and insert it into

[21:39] any scene and it like you're like oh yeah a lot of forced philosophy stuff is just kind

[21:44] of like.

[21:45] Listeners go ahead and do that.

[21:46] Yeah.

[21:47] Take that dialogue and insert it into any scene from any movie.

[21:50] I would love to see that.

[21:52] So I'll try to go.

[21:53] So General Leia is like you got to find.

[21:55] We also have a spy.

[21:56] You got a friend in me.

[21:57] There's a spy.

[21:58] Then she says I'm Randy Newman Medley which is I mean fine I guess.

[22:03] Most of it's pretty good.

[22:04] I think short people didn't age well even if it was a joke at the time.

[22:07] I mean even I love L.A. because L.A. has changed quite so much over the period.

[22:11] So yeah you don't know if he still loves L.A. or if that relationship's cooled a little

[22:15] bit.

[22:16] Yeah exactly.

[22:17] And so but there's a spy in the first order who's telling them all this stuff.

[22:20] The Emperor's there.

[22:21] I wonder who it could be.

[22:22] Is it Kylo Ren.

[22:23] Who knows.

[22:24] It has to be one of the three speaking characters.

[22:25] So it's either the Emperor, Kylo Ren, Hux or Richard E. Grant as new bad guy who's always

[22:32] been there.

[22:33] And the Emperor's like oh I've always been around.

[22:35] Snoke was just my puppet.

[22:36] And I'm like well Snoke was less a puppet than a crappy CGI effect.

[22:40] So I did think it like not crappy I should say.

[22:43] Leaping back and forth.

[22:44] But Andy Serkis is listening right now.

[22:46] He's super mad at you.

[22:47] And the performance is not the problem with Snoke.

[22:48] The problem is that there was no reason for that to be a CGI character in the first place.

[22:52] Well that's arguably true.

[22:53] Except his face was really gross.

[22:55] Right.

[22:56] That's the thing.

[22:57] Because there's never been a gross character with practical effects.

[23:00] You can see the inside part even though you're looking at the outside like he's Jonah Hex.

[23:04] Here's the thing.

[23:05] Like.

[23:06] OK.

[23:07] Defend Snoke.

[23:08] No I'm not.

[23:09] I'm not going to.

[23:10] I'm just going to say like.

[23:11] The.

[23:12] So.

[23:13] Obviously we're in Star Wars.

[23:14] Yep.

[23:15] Obviously.

[23:16] World full of.

[23:17] I'd say the galaxy.

[23:18] The galaxy.

[23:19] The galaxy is full of great crazy aliens.

[23:22] Interesting.

[23:23] Yeah.

[23:24] Stuff to see.

[23:25] Kralians we call them.

[23:26] Crazy aliens.

[23:27] Crayola Kralians.

[23:28] Craisins.

[23:29] Raisins that are.

[23:30] They have.

[23:31] Craisins.

[23:32] Craisins.

[23:33] Raisinets.

[23:34] But.

[23:35] But the thing is like you have these great aliens right.

[23:36] And.

[23:37] But like Palpatine is not one of them.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:39] Kralians we call them.

[23:40] Great aliens.

[23:41] Palpatine looks like an earthling.

[23:42] Even though he comes from whatever planet.

[23:43] Palpatine looks like.

[23:44] But he's.

[23:45] The elephant man got a little bit of work done.

[23:46] Well no.

[23:47] But he's like.

[23:48] He's like a normal.

[23:49] He's a man who like Dorian Gray style has gotten super like gross because he's evil.

[23:53] Right.

[23:54] Yeah.

[23:55] I'm pretty sure because Mace Windu reflected his force lightning into his face.

[23:58] That's when his face got all wacky.

[23:59] That was one of the funnier parts of the prequels to me where they were like wait you feel like

[24:02] you have to explain how he got old.

[24:04] Yeah.

[24:05] I love that.

[24:06] That it wasn't the ravages of time.

[24:07] Oh man.

[24:08] But I just think it's funny.

[24:09] That's a good one.

[24:10] When they like.

[24:11] When they reveal that Snoke is a puppet.

[24:12] Like.

[24:13] It's like.

[24:14] And then later on.

[24:15] On the planet.

[24:16] There's like these tubes full of like.

[24:17] Like Snoke clones.

[24:18] Like we're at the end of Alien Resurrection.

[24:20] And I'm like okay.

[24:21] That's fun because it reminds me of how weird Alien Resurrection was.

[24:25] But like.

[24:26] Why is Palpatine like cloning this made up Snoke character as like a non.

[24:31] Like this other alien who's not.

[24:33] Doesn't look like him.

[24:35] It's very confusing to me.

[24:36] Yeah.

[24:37] It doesn't.

[24:38] It's because it's dumb.

[24:39] Bringing Palpatine back is dumb.

[24:40] It's a dumb idea.

[24:41] Since Palpatine could essentially be.

[24:42] Snoke could have just been Palpatine with his cloak off.

[24:44] Yes.

[24:45] And like.

[24:46] Why.

[24:47] Why would he be Palpatine.

[24:48] No one would.

[24:49] Like if he was like normal.

[24:50] How many people.

[24:51] Like weird Palpatine.

[24:52] Saw the Emperor.

[24:53] Was he appearing in ads?

[24:54] They didn't even say his name was Palpatine in the original three movies.

[24:56] Yeah.

[24:57] Because he was.

[24:58] You know.

[24:59] Because it's a dumb name.

[25:00] So.

[25:01] Anyway.

[25:02] They certainly don't call him Sheave at any point.

[25:03] Which is his first name.

[25:04] Well.

[25:05] Also.

[25:06] The revelation later on.

[25:07] All my friends.

[25:08] The revelation that Palpatine had a family which is also kind of crazy.

[25:11] But.

[25:12] So.

[25:13] So.

[25:14] The spy is telling them that Palpatine's back.

[25:17] Somehow.

[25:18] As Poe says to the rebels.

[25:19] Palpatine's back somehow.

[25:20] And the.

[25:21] Palpatine's back.

[25:22] All right.

[25:23] He says.

[25:24] Everybody.

[25:25] You gotta rock your body.

[25:27] Palpatine's back.

[25:28] So.

[25:29] They.

[25:30] They're gonna go on a quest.

[25:31] Who's gonna go on this mission.

[25:32] Oh.

[25:33] All our favorite heroes.

[25:34] Poe.

[25:35] Rey.

[25:36] Finn.

[25:37] C3PO.

[25:38] Chewbacca.

[25:39] Not so fast R2D2.

[25:40] Yes.

[25:41] You're arguably the most lovable character in the entire series.

[25:42] But it's time for BB8 to get in.

[25:43] I did feel kind of like.

[25:44] This was like.

[25:45] Okay.

[25:46] This is another Grover Elmo situation.

[25:47] Exactly.

[25:48] My thought.

[25:49] I was.

[25:50] When I.

[25:51] When.

[25:52] You're.

[25:53] When you're old enough.

[25:54] And you're like.

[25:55] What the fuck's with all this Elmo stuff.

[25:56] Grover's the star.

[25:57] Who's.

[25:58] Or like.

[25:59] And they're like.

[26:00] Well.

[26:01] And somebody needs to take care of R2D2.

[26:02] Rose.

[26:03] You stay back.

[26:04] Rose.

[26:05] Arguably the second most interesting character from the new movies.

[26:06] You stay over here.

[26:07] First most interesting character.

[26:08] Of course being that chimp.

[26:09] Blacksmith.

[26:10] That we see in the beginning.

[26:11] Fixing Kylo Ren's helmet.

[26:12] Yeah.

[26:13] And it's like that.

[26:14] It was.

[26:15] Or in the Muppets.

[26:16] Where at the end.

[26:17] What's his name?

[26:18] Walter.

[26:19] Yes.

[26:20] Walter.

[26:21] Gets the freeze frame.

[26:22] Gets the freeze frame.

[26:23] And it's like.

[26:24] Wait.

[26:25] Kermit's been here the whole fucking time.

[26:26] The glue that holds the Muppets together.

[26:27] Which also means that later.

[26:28] I.

[26:29] You know.

[26:30] If I was ever responsible for this sort of thing.

[26:31] I don't think I would ever leave Dan alone in a room with Walter.

[26:32] You just hear.

[26:33] Bang.

[26:34] And you run in.

[26:35] And Dan is shoving a gun into Walter's hand.

[26:36] And going.

[26:38] He said something about not being worthy.

[26:39] And he just shot himself in the head.

[26:40] Dan.

[26:41] Why are there powder burns on your hands?

[26:42] Oh.

[26:43] Well.

[26:44] I was wrestling with him.

[26:45] With the gun.

[26:46] To try to get him to stop.

[26:47] Why is there a knife in his back also?

[26:48] With your fingerprints on it.

[26:49] Why does the handle of the gun have a monogram.

[26:50] The real McCoy written on it?

[26:51] It's okay.

[26:52] We can.

[26:53] We can re-stuff him.

[26:54] No.

[26:55] I threw the stuffing down the toilet.

[26:56] It was what he wanted.

[26:57] In his last moments.

[26:58] He told me that was his last wish.

[26:59] Because that's the magic element that brings the Muppets to life.

[27:00] Is the stuffing.

[27:01] Yeah.

[27:02] Yeah.

[27:03] Yeah.

[27:04] Yeah.

[27:05] Yeah.

[27:06] Yeah.

[27:07] Yeah.

[27:08] Yeah.

[27:09] Yeah.

[27:10] Yeah.

[27:11] So.

[27:12] They're gonna go on this mission.

[27:13] I was.

[27:14] That was the.

[27:15] When.

[27:16] When the Emperor.

[27:17] Turned back.

[27:18] I was like.

[27:19] Came back.

[27:20] I was like.

[27:21] Alright.

[27:22] Well.

[27:23] I'm not crazy about that.

[27:24] What I really turned on the movie was when they said.

[27:25] R2D2.

[27:26] Not so fast.

[27:27] Not for you buddy.

[27:28] Yeah.

[27:29] It was like.

[27:30] Did Kenny Baker ask for too much money?

[27:31] Like I don't understand.

[27:32] So they were gonna go on this mission.

[27:33] And the fact that Chewbacca's with them means that later on.

[27:34] I feel like.

[27:35] I feel like most likely what happened is that one commenter on Reddit was like.

[27:40] I don't like R2D2 anymore.

[27:41] And JJ's like.

[27:42] Okay.

[27:43] Okay.

[27:44] Anything.

[27:45] Maybe as the most beloved character.

[27:46] R2 is the designated survivor.

[27:47] Okay.

[27:48] That's fair.

[27:49] That's fair.

[27:50] Yeah.

[27:51] Yeah.

[27:52] They're like.

[27:53] No R2.

[27:54] You need to stay here.

[27:55] For future Star Wars adventures.

[27:56] That's also.

[27:57] Should we not come back.

[27:58] That's also why when they finally reveal his voice.

[27:59] It's Kiefer Sutherland.

[28:00] Right?

[28:01] Yeah.

[28:02] Who is the most lovable lost voice.

[28:03] Certainly the most lovable Sutherland.

[28:06] Donald.

[28:07] I respect you more.

[28:08] But you're hard to love.

[28:09] You're a little cold.

[28:10] So they go to Pasana.

[28:11] That's the planet where there's a big like Burning Man party.

[28:12] And they are.

[28:13] Uh oh.

[28:14] Some stormtroopers find them.

[28:15] But one of the stormtroopers gets shot with a crossbow bolt.

[28:16] Who could it be?

[28:17] A masked stranger.

[28:18] Who turns out to be.

[28:19] It's our old buddy Lando.

[28:20] And I'm just going to say this.

[28:21] It was exciting to see Billy Dee Williams again.

[28:22] But he is an old man.

[28:23] And so there's something about having all these older characters coming back.

[28:24] And there's a part of me that's like.

[28:25] Okay.

[28:26] Okay.

[28:27] Okay.

[28:28] Okay.

[28:29] Okay.

[28:30] Okay.

[28:31] Okay.

[28:32] Okay.

[28:33] Okay.

[28:34] Okay.

[28:35] Okay.

[28:36] Okay.

[28:37] Okay.

[28:38] Okay.

[28:39] Okay.

[28:40] Okay.

[28:41] Okay.

[28:42] Okay.

[28:43] Okay.

[28:44] Okay.

[28:45] Okay.

[28:46] Okay.

[28:47] Okay.

[28:48] Okay.

[28:49] Okay.

[28:50] Okay.

[28:51] Okay.

[28:52] Okay.

[28:53] Okay.

[28:54] Okay.

[28:55] But there are so many new characters coming back.

[28:56] And there's a part of the end where I think Wedge shows up again in a fighter jet.

[28:57] And I was like.

[28:58] These guys are a little old to be.

[28:59] In a real world.

[29:00] They would not be on the front lines of this galactic battle.

[29:01] Now a little peek behind the scenes.

[29:02] This was the point at the movie.

[29:03] Now you were on the set when they shot this.

[29:04] Yeah.

[29:05] I was on the set.

[29:06] And I kept thinking.

[29:07] Oh.

[29:08] This isn't Lando.

[29:09] This is Billy Dee Williams.

[29:10] Okay.

[29:11] The same way as when I.

[29:12] Spoiler alert.

[29:13] Han Solo appears in a scene.

[29:14] And I was like.

[29:15] This is Harrison Ford.

[29:16] This is not Han Solo.

[29:17] That's true.

[29:18] They didn't feel like characters to me.

[29:19] No.

[29:20] I just wanted to say.

[29:21] Behind the scenes of me watching this.

[29:22] Oh.

[29:23] Okay.

[29:24] So not really behind the scenes.

[29:25] So much as in front of the screen.

[29:26] This was the moment that I had picked to run to the restroom.

[29:29] And when I came back.

[29:30] Because you were eating a chalupa during the first part of the movie.

[29:33] When I came back.

[29:34] My girlfriend.

[29:35] Who has said.

[29:36] Just a moment.

[29:37] Stop mentioning me on the podcast.

[29:38] No.

[29:39] She said.

[29:40] No.

[29:41] She said.

[29:42] She was like.

[29:43] Harvey Dent showed up for some reason.

[29:44] No.

[29:45] No.

[29:46] This is a side thing.

[29:47] I'm going to just call her by her name.

[29:48] Which is Audrey from now on.

[29:49] Because she's like.

[29:50] You could use my name on the podcast.

[29:51] Originally she was like.

[29:52] Maybe some privacy.

[29:53] Now she's like.

[29:54] She said to you.

[29:55] Call me by your name.

[29:56] And you were like.

[29:57] Dan?

[29:58] They're not going to know if I'm talking about me or you.

[29:59] Well.

[30:00] as in the like referring to the top of a joke a little bit about

[30:03] he's only had one movie since then

[30:05] i mean you know there's only wrote a sequel since then it was more than at

[30:08] age forty one me referring to my girlfriend made it sound like i was a

[30:11] high schooler pretending i had a girlfriend it made it was a lot like

[30:14] when uncle owen in star wars episode two attack the clones like hey this is my

[30:19] girlfriend baroo and you're like what the fuck so girlfriend is the piss is that how you describe it the point is

[30:25] so i come back from uh... the the the bathroom and i see that

[30:29] uh... that lando is on screen and i'm like and she's like you missed it and i'm

[30:33] like oh you'll explain later

[30:35] and then i ask oh after the movie i'm like oh what happened

[30:39] when uh... lando showed up and she's like

[30:41] you didn't miss anything

[30:43] not really so you saw it in the theaters

[30:46] i did see it in the theaters i did not get to see it in the theaters

[30:49] uh... due to various holiday scheduling

[30:51] uh... difficulties

[30:53] but luckily as a writers guild awards voter i received a digital screener that

[30:56] was watermarked just for me

[30:58] which meant my name elliot kaelin was burned into the screen the entirety of the movie

[31:02] it's sort of like you were in star wars finally i was living my dream of being in star wars

[31:07] but it had to be this star war

[31:09] anyway it was a monkey's paw situation so uh... again if it was the monkey's paw by which i mean the chimp

[31:14] that was reels of welding that re-forged that piece of merch

[31:20] so lando saves them and is like

[31:23] the wayfinder is probably over there or not the wayfinder is probably at this place you need to

[31:26] find this uh...

[31:27] this knife that belonged to an assassin named ochi right

[31:31] and here's his ship and his droid and what was the droid's name

[31:35] the droid is like

[31:36] it's like a traffic cone on a pole

[31:38] on top of a ball or like a wheel let's just call it luxo junior

[31:44] it didn't feel like it wandered out of a pixar short and the whole time i was like

[31:47] this droid is weird

[31:49] like i don't understand the purpose and i kept waiting for the moment when this droid

[31:52] would like

[31:53] have a plot purpose like it would reveal a piece of information

[31:56] or it would save someone at the last minute

[31:58] or it would kill someone at the last minute it had a plot purpose eventually

[32:01] what i don't remember it had like the knowledge of a thing right like it was like oh

[32:07] it knew where the

[32:09] thing was i forget like the plot of so many macguffins like we said earlier

[32:13] we lead to one thing oh wait

[32:15] we need another thing now we need a third thing but like there was a point where like

[32:19] oh we don't know where

[32:21] whoever is and uh... oh that's right and the droid is like we gotta talk to this droid uh...

[32:25] i think he's got something important to say so this is right around where like

[32:29] they sink in the quicksand and finn's like hey ray i gotta tell you something

[32:34] and then uh... we never find out what that is no

[32:37] and then she battles some first order dudes and then

[32:40] oh and she saves that sandworm

[32:41] she heals there's a wounded sandworm that looks like it's going to attack them but she uses the force

[32:45] and this is important

[32:46] we learn the force can heal people hold on i mean i learned that the day before i

[32:51] watched it when i was watching the mandalorian and baby yoda used the same power

[32:54] i haven't seen the mandalorian yet but that's why they released that episode early so fans wouldn't be like

[32:58] this is bullshit so the healing stuff is important to the plot but i do also want to

[33:02] get into like a little bit of the background of the uh... of the sandworm?

[33:06] no of the like i need to tell you they make spice

[33:08] that i need to tell you something finn okay is this a real background of the movie or is this

[33:12] this is real background when you were watching the movie because like okay on the internet if you

[33:15] look into this thing

[33:17] uh... like on wookieepedia twitter on wookieepedia well twitter but they what about

[33:21] cookiepedia cookiepedia is

[33:24] about how cookies are now sometimes food

[33:26] oh man just bring the bottle over here stewart and maybe like a bowl of ice

[33:33] that's what we need to get through this

[33:35] yeah just uh...

[33:37] now uh... what were we talking about oh so we're talking about

[33:40] finn is like

[33:41] ray i gotta tell you something and i get swallowed up by quicksand so like there's a lot of discussion about what this

[33:45] is on the internet and people are like

[33:48] oh you know he was going to say

[33:50] he loves her which is the most obvious like

[33:53] interpretation of what's going on and maybe a thing that you would say

[33:57] when you're dying

[33:59] but according to the internet

[34:01] some fan

[34:03] talked to j.j. abrams at a thing and j.j. was like no no

[34:08] he was going to say that he's force sensitive which to me would be the weirdest

[34:11] fucking thing to say

[34:13] while you were dying quicksand ray ray before we die i just need you to know i also have the force

[34:18] and then they get pulled into quicksand

[34:20] yeah so that's crazy i think that actually was my guess that that's what he was going to say

[34:25] that like i can do it i can do it i've quarked it again thank you

[34:28] uh... i don't know but so we realize that he's not nearly as special as she is

[34:32] because in a second

[34:33] she gets in a tug of war with a transport ship with kylo ren

[34:38] so kylo ren has arrived there with his

[34:41] his special select group of baddies who we never really see them do much

[34:45] the knights of ren which they like especially after the last jedi where we

[34:49] had those throne room dudes who were fucking cool

[34:53] uh... these guys are just like some jokers with like

[34:56] shovels and axes and stuff they just kind of loom around and they keep showing up in the

[35:00] background to be a threat

[35:02] but we never and they show up and they're chasing after

[35:05] and ray and kylo ren have the first of several fights during the movie

[35:10] and in this one

[35:10] there's a transport ship that has chewbacca with this magic dagger that has

[35:14] the information of where

[35:16] the wayfinder is and that and

[35:18] it's written in sith and c-3po understands sith but he has been

[35:21] programmed never to translate it because it's an evil language

[35:24] so they need the dagger and they need chewbacca they need the dagger because of the

[35:27] information and they need chewbacca because he's great and then they need to get the

[35:30] galaxy's greatest hacker to hack that information on a c-3po's naga

[35:34] you have to hack the planet?

[35:37] i mean in that every droid's soul is its own planet uh... when you kill a droid you kill a world

[35:42] but uh...

[35:42] they're fighting over this transport ship using the force so happy to see

[35:45] dj quall show up later on

[35:50] and ray

[35:51] the dark side of her

[35:53] gets out of control and shoots out an emperor style lightning bolt at this transport ship

[35:56] and blows it up and everyone's like no chewbacca you killed him

[36:00] next scene

[36:01] chewbacca's fine he was on a different ship

[36:03] what? there was a brief moment where i was like i was not expecting this to happen

[36:08] and then those hopes were dashed it would have been a genuinely shocking death for

[36:12] chewbacca it would be a genuinely traumatic moment for her that because

[36:16] the dark side of her came out and she lost control she killed a friend

[36:20] someone who has been one of the hearts of the rebellion for years

[36:24] but instead they're like

[36:26] tricked ya and then later on she's like chewbacca's okay and they're like how do you know

[36:29] he must have been in a different transport ship and i was like then why did you think he

[36:32] was in that transport ship like what was the point of all that but also

[36:36] she doesn't really give a shit about the real the other people she killed on that

[36:39] transport ship also it was kind of like

[36:41] like the stormtroopers were like

[36:42] okay rey's looking the other direction for a second let's hustle chewbacca over to this other ship

[36:47] to play trick or treat

[36:48] kylo ren's like let's have a little bit of the old misdirection

[36:51] and then suddenly he has a card in his hand he puts his hand down he has a rabbit in the other hand

[36:57] you guys are on decoy duty like uh... wait a minute i don't want to be on decoy duty

[37:02] what they saw was don king in a huge fur coat being hustled into that transport ship

[37:07] they thought it was chewbacca

[37:08] anyway uh...

[37:09] they

[37:10] they have to go and rescue uh... chewbacca and uh...

[37:14] oh no

[37:15] first they go to kajimi

[37:17] which is a planet we call kathie nojimi

[37:21] and they're like

[37:22] you're so great you were so great in king of the hill you're so great in the sister act movies

[37:27] you're just a treasure and she's like oh thank you i'm just a modest person

[37:30] you know i i don't i don't deal with praise well and they're like but kathie nojimi

[37:34] no you are really great and she's like i told you i don't deal with praise well

[37:37] and you just start swinging fists

[37:38] i was just going to say swinging fists

[37:41] i mean everyone in this movie someone on twitter pointed out to me that uh...

[37:45] stormtroopers frequently give the heroes a chance to surrender and the heroes kill

[37:49] at first sight when they see stormtroopers that like everyone's first instinct in this

[37:53] movie if you're a hero is to shoot immediately and just murder your way through the galaxy

[37:57] but they go to kajimi which is because there's someone even when they find that

[38:00] wounded sandworm i think finn's like kill that fucking thing right

[38:05] they are

[38:05] bloodthirsty

[38:07] poe is like we gotta go find the best hacker in the universe he's on kajimi

[38:11] but uh oh

[38:12] i have some

[38:13] bad blood for me on kajimi and of course they run into the one person that he has a

[38:18] bad experience with and that's played by

[38:21] uh... kerry russell kerry russell in a almost entirely masked performance which

[38:25] i means i think it's just her voice yeah it is her voice well she pulls her visor up

[38:29] and it's like i was like i know that voice

[38:31] who is it who is it and then she put her visor up and i saw her impeccable eye makeup

[38:36] miss kerry russell and then and then dan look at both his hands and he's like this

[38:40] movie has

[38:41] two kerrys

[38:43] i mean also you know it's a j.j. abrams movie so him having kerry russell makes

[38:47] perfect sense i'm not saying she's not wonderful i love kerry russell i was happy to see her

[38:51] but i thought that you wouldn't be like uh... she's a great wonderful actress let's

[38:54] stick a helmet on her the whole time

[38:57] this character is of course uh... named zorie bliss because why not

[39:02] and they

[39:04] this character does not need to exist there is no reason

[39:07] i thought you were gonna say

[39:08] saw

[39:10] saw cats yesterday so i think that i'm particularly in the right mood to find

[39:15] funny names even funnier

[39:19] uh... yeah i mean

[39:20] like this could just be based on speculation i've read on the internet

[39:24] but it seems like this character was introduced mainly to give a hint of a

[39:29] heterosexual love interest for poe

[39:32] uh... to to take

[39:33] the fan uh... assumption that

[39:36] foe uh... poe and finn or foe as i just called them

[39:40] as being their favorite form of beef soup

[39:43] uh... as being the ideal romantic relationship now all they could have had

[39:47] is just them

[39:48] not kiss poe and finn and that would have been fine

[39:52] and allow the people

[39:54] who would like to maybe see the representation of a gay relationship

[39:58] have that headcanon

[40:00] and if they like to

[40:01] i mean i think it's still have a token easily be by or or you know kerry

[40:05] russell could be a beard that's there's always that chance to i mean she in a

[40:08] way she was a bit of a helmet

[40:11] i mean my guess we don't know if she has appeared look

[40:13] she was on the americans

[40:15] home of lots of wigs and beards so i have to assume she is familiar with beards and wigs

[40:20] the american homes of wigs and beards

[40:23] people are like what's that show about and i'm like you should see it it's about the craziest wigs and the craziest beards

[40:29] uh... they so they're going to go and do this thing meanwhile kylo ren and

[40:33] rey we've established they can talk to each other through the force throughout the

[40:36] universe we didn't mention there is a character that i like in this movie a lot

[40:39] he's introduced in this scene his name's babu frick he's a tiny little hacker

[40:43] he's a tiny hacker who

[40:44] sometimes speaks in a crazy alien language and sometimes just speaks with a

[40:47] heavy accent yeah uh... yeah he's pretty fun he's got giant hands my second

[40:52] favorite new character after blacksmith jim uh... because he also like exists in

[40:56] a uh... like there's no subtext babu frick like he's just he's all in

[41:01] yeah and later on zori shows up as part of this

[41:04] giant fleet of uh... volunteer fighters

[41:07] and babu just pops up in a cockpit and is like hey hey so you got strapped in

[41:13] so when she does turns and barrel rolls are you just flying around the cockpit and slamming into instruments

[41:18] he's like a little ghouly though

[41:19] so he's going to pop up out of a toilet

[41:22] yeah i'm sure when the creature design team got together they're like

[41:26] give me ninety percent more ghouly

[41:29] so what is it about babu frick that you particularly like

[41:32] well i like it i mean it's

[41:35] i mean making a character small and weird is always best and he wears like a little hat

[41:41] he doesn't have a shirt though right? he doesn't have a shirt and he's uh... everybody is

[41:45] really impressed with him but they're also annoyed by him he seems like an old pro too

[41:50] like you know he'll get the job done but you might get a little irritated but yeah there's a

[41:54] lot of mud on those tires you know what i mean he's a little bit like yoda that way

[41:59] he's the best which means he's allowed to be eccentric but there's also a little bit of

[42:03] battle toad in his visual and i like that too he's also kind of like a little bit like the

[42:07] IT guy who's a little annoyed at you that you don't understand the technology as well as he does

[42:11] that's fair i mean there was a brief moment when i was watching a star war

[42:15] and i saw a character that wasn't baby yoda and i was like

[42:18] i like that character i want to say here though this connection between

[42:22] rey and kylo ren

[42:25] this like there's a lot of the last jedi erasure in this movie that's much

[42:30] more egregious than this but i did watch that part where they're like

[42:34] connected and like talking to each other and i'm like okay wait hold on

[42:38] i thought in the last jedi

[42:40] the fact they had a connection was just something snoke was doing

[42:43] to make like to fool them into thinking like to like bring her

[42:48] to him that like she might be redeemed or whatever

[42:52] and this movie's like no no no no they really have not only do they really have that they can also

[42:56] transport objects through this force yes which i thought was pretty it was like

[43:01] as long as i don't try to think about the science of it i thought was a really cool

[43:04] thing

[43:05] yeah i thought it was kind of fun where they're like having fights and they're like yeah

[43:08] and they use it in neat ways like he knows she's in his office

[43:12] because

[43:13] that darth vader helmet shows up or like the first time that happens

[43:16] he snatches the

[43:17] flower necklace from around her neck and she's like huh what that's why that girl

[43:21] gave it to her yeah that's the only reason is to establish that

[43:24] physical connection but like so i thought that was kind of a neat thing

[43:27] but it also means that like

[43:29] apparently anyone with the force can talk to anybody because later on princess leia is like

[43:32] hold on let me send a telegram to my son kylo

[43:34] beep beep beep

[43:36] speaking of that like uh... later on when like

[43:39] luke does like a major thing with the force that affects like the real

[43:44] like living human world like

[43:46] granted the seeds for that was were planted by yoda in the last jedi movie

[43:49] okay i like a lot more than this one

[43:51] but i am kind of like okay so

[43:54] ghost jedi's can do anything normal jedi's can do

[43:58] and they're just kind of hang out in the ghost dimension being like you guys take care of

[44:01] it yourselves

[44:03] dr strange in the ghost dimension ghost luke didn't just show up at

[44:07] emperor palpatine's house and like smother him with a pillow

[44:11] just like unplug his little machine

[44:15] you know and uh... and the thing that ghost luke does is he just raises his

[44:19] x-wing out of the water and you're like

[44:22] finally dude i've been waiting for you to be able to do that forever

[44:26] that's a stegobot man

[44:28] i couldn't do this until i was dead then i really figured out how to lift x-wings with the force

[44:32] like the funny thing is like yeah sure like that's a

[44:34] like kind of like i guess a fun payoff for empire but all i could think of is like

[44:39] that fucking thing's been down there for thirty years dude like

[44:42] it's not gonna fly anywhere

[44:44] uh... well this is

[44:46] if that's the thing you're picking apart in the movie then maybe star wars is not for you

[44:58] dead pilot society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were

[45:02] never made featuring actors like patton oswalt

[45:04] so the vampire from the future

[45:06] sleeps in the dude's studio during the day

[45:09] and they hunt monsters at night

[45:11] it's blade meets the odd couple

[45:14] adam scott and jane levy

[45:16] come on cory

[45:17] she's too serious too businessy

[45:20] she doesn't know the hokey pokey

[45:22] she'll learn what it's all about

[45:26] busy phillips and dave keckner

[45:27] baby this is family

[45:30] my uncle tell

[45:31] who showed his wiener to cinderella at disneyland is family

[45:34] do you want him staying with us? he did stay with us for three months and he was a delight

[45:41] a new pilot every month only on dead pilot society for maximum fun

[45:47] one two one two three

[45:49] hi everybody my name is justin mcelroy i'm sydney mcelroy we're both doctors and no just me

[45:54] okay well sydney's a doctor and i'm a medical enthusiast and we create

[45:58] sawbones a marital tour of misguided medicine

[46:00] every week i dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the

[46:04] wildest

[46:05] grossest

[46:06] sometimes dumbest

[46:08] tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history

[46:10] lately we do a lot of modern fake medicine

[46:13] because everything's a disaster but it's slightly less of a disaster every friday

[46:18] right here on maximumfun.org as we bring you sawbones a marital tour of misguided

[46:22] medicine and remember don't drill a hole in your head

[46:28] i mean this is a movie where they tried to hide a man from the most evil most

[46:32] powerful man in the universe and didn't bother to change the baby's last name

[46:36] and they took him to his

[46:37] wait they took him to so let's so

[46:40] you're an evil you're an evil man they want to hide your baby from you they

[46:43] take you to your family's house on your home planet and they don't change the

[46:48] last name they are fools in the star wars universe let's just call this the x-wing that broke

[46:53] the camel's back alright i mean to be fair if you put an x-wing on a camel's back

[46:56] that camel's back is breaking i was rolling they may be the ships of the

[47:00] desert but they cannot hold a spaceship i was rolling with so much of this movie

[47:03] and then he like raised the x-wing out of the water and i went

[47:08] and put my hands up and audrey's like what

[47:12] you know what you put your hands up because they were playing your song and

[47:15] the butterflies flew away

[47:16] because it was a party in the USA on that weird what's that planet where

[47:21] luke was just living tended by those nuns

[47:23] and he was drinking titty milk drinking dr. seuss milk

[47:27] it wasn't a whole planet it was on a specific island the island was on a planet dude

[47:32] like dan the island was not floating in space like the little prince was living

[47:36] there with his one chair

[47:37] this islander like uh... like thanos is weird uh... like

[47:41] meteorite in the uh... where he just has his floating throne yeah

[47:45] so okay they have to get the information from c-3po's mind to do it they have to

[47:49] wipe his memory and that was a genuinely affecting moment where he's like oh he's

[47:53] giving this up this is the first time c-3po has

[47:56] been like i'm gonna make the choice to really sacrifice myself

[47:59] for the for the rebellion again this would have been a really fitting

[48:02] and kind of surprising death for a main character

[48:04] don't worry r2 just brings it back later and it's totally cool

[48:07] but didn't uh... didn't he get his memory wiped uh... at the end of

[48:12] revenge of the sith as well so he doesn't remember the details of anakin's wedding

[48:18] well that's because the wedding was such a debacle

[48:21] guys this is a total side thing but i have to tell you

[48:24] uh... we watched this uh... christmas netflix movie

[48:27] yeah and then otter

[48:29] i was on like hulu or something actually

[48:31] it was called correcting christmas or something it was like a sliding door

[48:34] scenario where like

[48:35] she goes back in time to like to save jesus she goes back in time to the previous christmas

[48:41] where she like had broken up with her old like uh... like fiance okay or or

[48:47] she broke up with her old boyfriend how old was he

[48:50] she broke up with he was the end of nicole smith's story she was very old she broke up with her

[48:54] previous

[48:56] boyfriend sorry because she thought he was going to propose on christmas

[48:59] and he didn't and then she regretted it so she went back

[49:02] but she learned

[49:04] obviously she was supposed to be with her best friend the whole time

[49:08] but the hilarious thing is a lie that has

[49:11] ruined the friendships of many young men and girls because the men assume that the

[49:16] girl will eventually become their lover but the whole point of all this is like

[49:19] the movie does one of those like flash forward things where like okay

[49:23] the mystical stuff is done we're in the present day again

[49:26] and now like

[49:28] the two of them

[49:29] are like married and this is revealed by the guy being like

[49:33] oh you left your ring by the sink i want you to put it on because i don't like all

[49:37] those guys hitting on you

[49:38] and audrey's like

[49:40] they took her back and they didn't get to see the proposal

[49:43] like the fucking like

[49:45] fairy godmother character like skipped over that part

[49:49] she doesn't get to have her proposal

[49:52] what the fuck

[49:53] yeah

[49:54] and this is like a romance movie that's the only reason these movies exist is for

[49:58] like

[49:58] the climactic like

[50:00] They come, they're like finally together.

[50:02] It's as true as it is relevant to our discussion

[50:04] of Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker.

[50:05] It's similar to how my wife recently read a thriller

[50:10] and part of the mystery or thriller hinged on the idea

[50:14] of one woman letting another woman borrow her mascara.

[50:17] And she was like, that would never happen.

[50:20] Adults don't do that.

[50:21] It goes in your eyeball.

[50:23] So to make a long story short,

[50:25] Kylo tells Rey the truth, you're a Palpatine.

[50:28] You're the granddaughter of the Emperor.

[50:30] And she's like, ew.

[50:31] So the Emperor had sex with somebody and had a baby?

[50:34] And we're like, yeah, we don't want to think about it either.

[50:36] I mean, like how long ago was that though?

[50:38] I mean, it would have been when he was a senator probably.

[50:40] She was like, she's what, like 25?

[50:43] I have no idea.

[50:44] And her parents were like, let's say 25.

[50:47] So that's like 50 years ago.

[50:49] So that's about when Yoda and Yaddle

[50:51] were presumably having sex to create baby Yoda.

[50:56] You're right.

[50:56] I mean, I don't want to think about that either.

[50:58] Once again, I haven't read Wikipedia.

[51:00] Have you, Dan?

[51:00] Do you know?

[51:01] So when Yoda has sex, is Yoda's sex talk

[51:05] in that same backward syntax or no?

[51:09] What?

[51:10] Is he like, coming I am?

[51:13] Cool, yeah, yeah.

[51:14] That's how, yeah.

[51:15] No, weirdly enough, when he does dirty talk,

[51:18] that shit goes by the wayside and he is all business.

[51:23] So it's not like, right there, touch me.

[51:25] He's like, I'm not fucking around.

[51:28] It's time for bad Yoda to come out.

[51:31] Okay, so.

[51:32] Does he have baby Yoda?

[51:33] He's super into forced children.

[51:34] I haven't watched the rest of it.

[51:35] No, I don't like that.

[51:36] I don't like that at all.

[51:37] I don't like it as a joke.

[51:38] Well, you don't do it to the windpipe.

[51:39] You do it to the sides of the neck.

[51:40] No, I don't like that.

[51:41] It's not okay.

[51:42] It's all consensual.

[51:43] I mean, this brings back something

[51:44] that I think I mentioned years ago in this podcast,

[51:47] which is the idea of having a significant other

[51:50] who's a Jedi and they give you a forced job,

[51:52] even in public, even if you're across the room,

[51:54] then they can pleasure you,

[51:55] because no one knows.

[51:56] They're just moving their hands.

[51:58] So anyway.

[51:58] It's like if Garth Ennis wrote a fucking Star Wars comic.

[52:03] So, okay.

[52:06] The Emperor wants Rey for some reason.

[52:08] We don't know.

[52:08] It turns out that General Hux is the mole in the First Order

[52:12] and he helps save Poe and Finn and Chewbacca.

[52:14] And he's like, I'm the spy.

[52:16] And they shoot him in the knee

[52:17] and he gets caught almost instantly

[52:18] and is executed for treason.

[52:20] Which, while, yeah, I guess that was kind of funny

[52:23] how he got blasted across the room

[52:25] and it was a surprise.

[52:26] Once again, this is another character

[52:27] that I felt like was given short shrift.

[52:29] Like, Hux was one of the more fun parts of the last movie.

[52:32] And in The Force Awakens,

[52:35] he's being built up as the bad guy.

[52:37] Him and Kylo Ren are the two bad dudes.

[52:40] I mean, what a fucking good actor, too.

[52:43] That guy, like, every different movie,

[52:45] I'm like, it's the same man?

[52:47] Yeah, yeah.

[52:50] Yeah, and he's standing right next to Adam Driver,

[52:52] who I guess is the best actor of his generation, right?

[52:55] I mean, to be honest, this movie has,

[52:57] it has them, it has Richard E. Grant.

[52:59] Like, there's a lot of really great actors.

[53:01] Ian McDermid?

[53:02] I mean, look, Daisy Ridley,

[53:04] like, this might not be our best Star Wars movie,

[53:06] but she's amazing.

[53:08] Like, all the actors are great in this movie.

[53:10] She does something that makes sense,

[53:11] but I thought it was really funny,

[53:12] which is she has a lot of, like, athlete motions.

[53:15] So, like, there's a part where she's gotta run

[53:17] into the ocean or something.

[53:18] And she's like, and she goes like,

[53:21] like, breathes out and shakes her head

[53:22] the way that, like, an athlete does before they run.

[53:24] And then later on, she, like, is lightsabering

[53:27] and she, her wrist hurts a little bit

[53:29] and she has this, like, ah, look on her face

[53:31] that tennis players get sometimes.

[53:33] And I was like, it is a totally valid choice

[53:36] as a performant.

[53:37] I also think it's kind of funny

[53:38] that she's playing Rey as, like, a Jedi athlete.

[53:41] But I feel like that's not something

[53:42] I had not seen before with these characters.

[53:44] Like, that was a neat way to do it.

[53:45] Long story short, they go to the planet

[53:47] where the Death Star crashed.

[53:48] There's a whole tribe of ex-stormtroopers there

[53:50] who ride around on alien horses.

[53:53] They have no personalities whatsoever.

[53:55] Finn instantly becomes best friends

[53:57] with one who I'm learning the name of.

[53:58] His name's Ajana.

[53:59] I did not know her name during the movie.

[54:02] And it feels like the movie wrote off Rose

[54:05] so they could give, at least to me,

[54:07] felt like they could give Finn a new, sexier love interest.

[54:11] Maybe, yeah.

[54:12] Like, one that is dressed at least more scantily.

[54:14] Well, and I don't wanna, like, look.

[54:16] This is, these are murky waters

[54:21] and I don't wanna, like, call anyone out unnecessarily.

[54:24] I don't wanna say anything weird.

[54:26] But it did, like, I did feel weird watching it

[54:28] where they're just like, no, no, no, no, Finn.

[54:30] Like, let's give you a black love interest.

[54:32] No, no, I mean, that did strike me, too,

[54:34] that it was eventually, that it was like,

[54:36] yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we have to pair him up

[54:37] with a black character.

[54:38] Yeah, it was weird.

[54:40] At the same time, though,

[54:41] there was something genuinely exciting to me

[54:43] at the end where Land, spoiler,

[54:45] well, what's spoiling everything?

[54:46] Lando is flying the Millennium Falcon

[54:48] and he saves the two of them and they're all together.

[54:51] Somehow, they're gripping the top of the Millennium Falcon

[54:53] as it swoops and dives through the space

[54:55] where I was like, this ship has only black characters on it

[54:59] and it is really exciting to me

[55:00] that this scene is all black characters.

[55:02] So there's a thin line between it feeling like tokenism

[55:05] where you have to line up black people with black people

[55:07] and it being exciting that it's like,

[55:08] okay, there's more people of color in Star Wars now.

[55:10] No, that's all fair.

[55:11] It's not just Lando and it's not just Ula.

[55:13] Those are not the only two people, and Max Rebo.

[55:15] Those are not the only characters of color

[55:16] in the Star Wars universe now.

[55:18] You know, blue, green, and so forth.

[55:21] So it felt weird at the moment.

[55:24] Until that moment, it felt weird to me

[55:25] that it was like, that they were doing that.

[55:27] But anyway, long story short, they go to the Death Star.

[55:30] Guess what?

[55:31] Rey sees herself as a Sith and has a fight with herself.

[55:35] And Sith version has cool, scary teeth, right?

[55:38] Cool, scary, sharp teeth and a double-headed lightsaber

[55:40] that she can also separate out,

[55:42] which was explained to me today by a seven-year-old

[55:44] as maybe it had magnets in the base.

[55:46] And that's how it could have,

[55:47] and I was like, that's a good way to explain that.

[55:48] Seven-year-old part of the Insane Clown Posse, or?

[55:51] He was like, I don't know how they work, but.

[55:54] No, no, this seven-year-old is not an insane clown.

[55:59] Anyway.

[56:00] A rational clown.

[56:00] He's a very rational clown.

[56:03] His name is Professor Pickles.

[56:06] He is a clown with a PhD.

[56:08] He did his study in fitting as many clowns

[56:10] into a car as possible.

[56:11] Well, he figured out the mathematic equation

[56:14] that explains the physics of how you can fit

[56:16] so many clowns into a car.

[56:17] They call it Pickles' Theorem.

[56:20] And so, Kylo Ren has another lightsaber fight with Rey

[56:26] and General Princess Leia.

[56:28] This is also, they've been told,

[56:29] oh, the Emperor is gonna attack the whole universe

[56:32] with his fleet of Star Destroyers in 16 hours.

[56:34] We better get a move on.

[56:35] Then they have an adventure that must take three days.

[56:39] Anyway, General Princess Leia is like,

[56:40] this is a good time for me to reach out to my son.

[56:42] We never talk anymore.

[56:43] And she sends a force message across the universe to him.

[56:46] So she's a lot like me.

[56:47] Whenever I need to actually call someone on the phone,

[56:50] I have to get my whole environment set up.

[56:54] Everybody leave the room, I'm gonna need the room.

[56:57] And she distracts-

[56:58] Maybe light some incense.

[57:01] She distracts Kylo just enough for Rey

[57:02] to mortally wound him.

[57:04] But then, just like he was a regular old sandworm-

[57:07] Once again, this is a moment where I'm like,

[57:09] oh, wow, I wasn't expecting this to happen.

[57:11] No, and then she heals him

[57:13] using her sandworm healing powers.

[57:15] And then Rey goes to-

[57:17] Yeah, because he's a lot like a sandworm, right?

[57:20] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[57:22] Rey goes to where Luke's ghost still lives.

[57:24] I guess when the lights are out, you know.

[57:25] Yeah, when the lights are out, everyone's a sandworm.

[57:29] Rey goes to Luke's old house.

[57:31] You're doing it right.

[57:33] Anyway, Ghost Luke is like,

[57:35] hey, you should take Leia's old lightsaber.

[57:37] You're doing good.

[57:38] Go up to the Emperor and kick him in the nuts.

[57:40] Here's my old X-Wing.

[57:41] I lifted it out of the water for you.

[57:43] And Kylo Ren has a conversation with,

[57:45] not the ghost of, but his memory of Han Solo,

[57:48] where Han Solo's like, hey, you could be a good guy.

[57:50] And Kylo Ren throws his lightsaber away

[57:52] and starts calling himself Ben again, right?

[57:54] Mm-hmm, yeah.

[57:55] Because his name is Ben Solo.

[57:56] I gotta say, like there's-

[57:57] And Palpatine is like,

[57:59] it's been a while since I've been in the movie.

[58:01] Blow up Kijimi with a super laser.

[58:03] Maybe it was just because I like seeing Harrison Ford again

[58:06] because I have so much affection for that dude.

[58:08] Because you like seeing him and being like,

[58:10] I bet he hates this.

[58:11] Yeah.

[58:12] But like, I just, like-

[58:14] I imagine it's one of those things where they were like,

[58:16] we'll pay you any amount of money.

[58:17] And he's like, don't bother about the money.

[58:19] I'm gonna make some weird requests

[58:21] and I'm gonna see if it's worth it to you

[58:23] to make me have it.

[58:24] So you heard of aye-ayes?

[58:26] Yeah, they're these little weird primates.

[58:27] I want you to go get me one.

[58:29] They're very hard to find and they're endangered.

[58:31] It's illegal to move them out of the rainforest.

[58:32] And also again, they're very hard to find.

[58:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[58:35] I've always wanted a pet aye-aye.

[58:36] So you better get me one in two days.

[58:38] No, you know what?

[58:39] 36 hours.

[58:40] And then I'll be in your Star Wars.

[58:41] And so J.J. Abrams is hacking through the jungle

[58:43] at night, mind you, it's a nocturnal animal

[58:45] until he can find and trap an aye-aye

[58:47] and hands it, deliver it to Harrison Ford.

[58:49] And when he brings it to-

[58:50] I'm gonna Google this afterwards.

[58:51] Are they hackers?

[58:53] Yeah, when he brings it, no, yeah, they're hackers.

[58:56] And when he brings it to Harrison Ford,

[58:57] Harrison Ford's like, cool, I changed my mind.

[58:59] I don't want it anymore.

[59:00] So here's, now you gotta go to numbers two through 10

[59:05] on my checklist.

[59:06] Okay.

[59:07] What I wanted to say though, before that thing.

[59:09] Harrison Ford, yeah, the star of Random Hearts.

[59:10] No, no, and Six Days, Seven Nights.

[59:13] And Six Days, Seven Nights, and the Frisco Kid,

[59:14] all your favorite movies.

[59:15] And Regarding Henry.

[59:17] Star of Firewall, yeah.

[59:20] No wonder he has such a deep place in your heart.

[59:22] He was in, what was that movie that we watched

[59:24] with the lesser Hemsworth where he was like a hacker

[59:26] or something?

[59:27] Oh, shit, what was that called?

[59:30] Code Breakers?

[59:31] No, but the thing I wanted to say about this was like,

[59:34] so like, look, I was talking to Audrey about like

[59:38] George Lucas and this whole fucking shebang of Star Wars.

[59:43] Yeah, this thing we call Star Wars.

[59:44] And I wanna make it clear, like,

[59:46] she's not like a Star Wars fan.

[59:48] She saw like these movies, like the original trilogy

[59:51] for the first time this year.

[59:53] So like, this is not like me dance-planning to her.

[59:56] She was curious about this.

[59:57] I mean, it might still be you dance-planning.

[59:58] It might still be my dance-planning, but.

[1:00:00] He seemed genuinely interested.

[1:00:01] Perhaps he was just being nice.

[1:00:03] But like, George Lucas, I was saying,

[1:00:06] that like, you know, he had this idea of,

[1:00:09] okay, I'm gonna make these, like, rhyming trilogies.

[1:00:13] Like, I want the movies to rhyme in these different ways,

[1:00:16] which, in effect, in these new movies,

[1:00:20] has led to, like, even though he's not been

[1:00:24] involved in them, that spirit lives on,

[1:00:26] and it's just like, let's retread certain plot points

[1:00:31] or certain things in these new movies.

[1:00:35] And at its worst, you know, you get, like,

[1:00:38] movies like The Force Awakens or this one,

[1:00:42] which, like, The Force Awakens, I liked.

[1:00:44] The first half of The Force Awakens,

[1:00:45] I really liked a lot, yeah.

[1:00:47] But they, like, borrow so much from the old movies

[1:00:49] that it seems less like rhyming

[1:00:51] and more like just a retread.

[1:00:53] Just retreading, yeah.

[1:00:54] But there are ways of doing parallel scenes

[1:00:57] that work well, and for me, just for me,

[1:01:01] like, I kind of enjoyed this parallel scene

[1:01:03] with Harrison Ford where it's like,

[1:01:05] okay, Kylo Ren is replaying the moment

[1:01:07] where he killed his father.

[1:01:08] He's at a different place in his life.

[1:01:11] He's confused, and this time he makes the moral choice

[1:01:15] instead and throws his lightsaber away.

[1:01:16] Oh, no, I thought this was one of the scenes

[1:01:18] that worked best for me in the movie, for that reason.

[1:01:21] And it helps that, like,

[1:01:22] Adam Driver is a genuinely good actor.

[1:01:24] Adam Driver's a great actor.

[1:01:25] Harrison Ford's a great actor.

[1:01:26] Like, they have, and this moment

[1:01:28] has a lot of emotion freighted to it

[1:01:29] that is real human emotion.

[1:01:31] He is a man who killed his father

[1:01:33] and betrayed his mother's dreams for him,

[1:01:36] and, like, that's a real human thing,

[1:01:38] as opposed to your grandfather is an evil wizard

[1:01:42] and wants to steal your body

[1:01:44] to make you the ultimate avatar of evil.

[1:01:45] That is not a human emotion,

[1:01:47] and that's not something I can connect to, really.

[1:01:48] Your mother is Villanelle from Killing Eve.

[1:01:52] That's gotta be hard.

[1:01:53] That's difficult.

[1:01:54] She's always trying to kill Eve.

[1:01:56] I don't know.

[1:01:57] I watched the first season.

[1:01:58] I forget what happened.

[1:01:59] But you're right that, like,

[1:02:00] at a certain point, rhyming becomes repeating.

[1:02:02] Yeah.

[1:02:03] But this was one of the scenes where it was like,

[1:02:05] and it would have done better for me

[1:02:06] if it didn't feel at times like the movie was like,

[1:02:08] hey, we'll bring them back, all your old pals.

[1:02:10] Come on, they're all here.

[1:02:12] You like these characters, right?

[1:02:14] Like, come on, bring them in.

[1:02:15] Like, I was half waiting for, like, Jabba the Hutt

[1:02:18] to show up and tell somebody that he was their dad

[1:02:21] and, like, a robot to show up and tell a new cyborg,

[1:02:26] like, hey, you gotta do it for the rebellion, you know?

[1:02:28] It's like the-

[1:02:29] Gonk droid just, like, ducks his head in the frame

[1:02:31] and goes gonk, and then, that's it.

[1:02:33] I just like that.

[1:02:33] It's like that scene near the end of Labyrinth

[1:02:35] where those weird pack rat monsters keep being like,

[1:02:38] oh, you like this thing?

[1:02:39] Oh, you want this?

[1:02:40] Take that.

[1:02:41] Yeah, exactly.

[1:02:42] What an interesting commentary on nostalgia.

[1:02:44] Thank you, Labyrinth.

[1:02:47] Thank you for that,

[1:02:48] and the sexual awakening of millions.

[1:02:51] So they destroy that planet, C-3PO,

[1:02:53] he gets his memory back from R2-D2,

[1:02:55] and they all go to, they follow Rey on her trip, too,

[1:02:58] because Rey now has a wayfinder

[1:02:59] that helps her get to Exegol, the evil Sith planet

[1:03:02] that nobody ever knew about before.

[1:03:04] It's not even the first mystery planet in Star Wars

[1:03:06] because Geonosis, right?

[1:03:07] Oh, no, what was, no, Ferrari Carrera?

[1:03:10] What was the planet where they were making the clones?

[1:03:12] Kamino?

[1:03:12] Kamino Borealis?

[1:03:13] Kamino Borealis, yeah.

[1:03:14] It was deleted from the Jedi dictionary by Sifo-DS,

[1:03:20] but you're right, Star Wars has always been dumb.

[1:03:24] I used to find it funny that all of the Star Wars planets

[1:03:29] had one type of ecosystem.

[1:03:31] Yeah, snow, forest, desert, or city slash factory.

[1:03:34] Well, that's not entirely crazy.

[1:03:36] Obviously, there are planets out there

[1:03:38] that are the same thing all through the planet.

[1:03:41] I mean, those are planets that have,

[1:03:43] as far as we know, no inhabited life.

[1:03:44] Well, that's true.

[1:03:45] But it's also, this planet, I feel,

[1:03:47] bumps it up to the next level,

[1:03:48] where it's like, not only is this planet like this type,

[1:03:51] but only this type of people live there.

[1:03:53] It's the evil planet.

[1:03:54] It's like the Sorting Hat has put all the Slytherin

[1:03:56] on this planet.

[1:03:58] They're like, this planet is naturally an evil habitat.

[1:04:00] Yeah.

[1:04:01] We're like, we're equal kids.

[1:04:03] We get to go to the same classes.

[1:04:06] But now you have me thinking that there's an ecosystem

[1:04:08] of where bunny rabbits are like, hehehe,

[1:04:11] or rubbing their hands together

[1:04:13] and hopping away into the trees, you know?

[1:04:15] So what, they all go there.

[1:04:18] I mean, why doesn't they have a lightning-based economy?

[1:04:20] There's this fleet of Star Destroyers that's already there,

[1:04:23] which, most of them were there already,

[1:04:26] but then the bad guys from the rest of the movie

[1:04:27] are there too.

[1:04:28] Didn't they like, squirt out of the fucking ground

[1:04:30] like little plants?

[1:04:31] Yeah.

[1:04:32] Like, that, I mean, a Star Destroyer wouldn't survive

[1:04:36] being in, like, they're not in, like,

[1:04:40] the Gravity Well-type ships, right?

[1:04:42] They can't be in atmosphere.

[1:04:43] Well, but here's the thing.

[1:04:44] They're way too heavy.

[1:04:45] They're way too heavy.

[1:04:46] They would get, they would destroy all sorts of stuff.

[1:04:47] But also, they've just been floating in the air,

[1:04:49] idling, for days, it seems.

[1:04:51] Yeah.

[1:04:52] And that's one against the law.

[1:04:53] You can't idle for more than 15 minutes,

[1:04:55] I think, in New York City.

[1:04:56] But also, like-

[1:04:58] Also, there's a film shoot going on there.

[1:05:00] They're shooting The Rise of Skywalker.

[1:05:01] They can't park there.

[1:05:03] Yeah.

[1:05:04] What, do they see orange cones in the sky?

[1:05:06] But it's like, they're just kinda hanging around waiting.

[1:05:09] And there's something about it where I was like,

[1:05:10] I can't tell if this is a really cool image

[1:05:13] or if it's really dumb.

[1:05:14] And it was like, if this was like a Yodorovsky,

[1:05:17] Mobius comic, I'd be like, this is really cool.

[1:05:19] This endless sky of just hugely,

[1:05:24] these dreadnought, juggernaut ships.

[1:05:26] But here, it was like, so are they gonna do anything?

[1:05:29] Or is the Emperor just gonna look at them

[1:05:31] and masturbate at all these ships that he's got?

[1:05:33] I mean, he kinda does, right?

[1:05:34] He does kinda, and the Emperor is just kinda like-

[1:05:36] When he's trying to squirt lightning up there?

[1:05:39] So that's what it is, he's ejaculating lightning.

[1:05:41] The Emperor also is like,

[1:05:42] just hanging around, doing nothing.

[1:05:44] And it's one of those things where it's like,

[1:05:45] so what is the Emperor doing to pass the hours

[1:05:47] while he's just hanging around on this,

[1:05:49] and this machine arm?

[1:05:50] He's doing like, warm-up comic shit

[1:05:52] for that assembled crowd.

[1:05:54] Ooh, here's from Mexico.

[1:05:56] Oh, you!

[1:05:57] Oh, the thing about Jedis is-

[1:06:00] That'd be so funny.

[1:06:01] Oh, I can't wait to hear this!

[1:06:02] I'd love to see him doing crowd work.

[1:06:04] That'd be so amazing.

[1:06:06] So, Rey shows up and he's like,

[1:06:08] you wanna kill me?

[1:06:09] Good, that's what I want too.

[1:06:11] When you kill me, let me explain, it's a little crazy.

[1:06:14] When you kill me, my spirit will go into you,

[1:06:17] and with me comes all the Siths,

[1:06:19] so you'll be the most powerful Sith,

[1:06:20] and you'll be the Empress of the universe,

[1:06:22] but it'll be really me inside of you,

[1:06:24] and I know it's kind of creepy that I'm a grandpa

[1:06:26] and I wanna get inside my granddaughter.

[1:06:28] That's, it's weird, yes, but it's just my spirit.

[1:06:31] There's this cool story by Lovecraft.

[1:06:33] It's one of the less not-so-cool ones,

[1:06:36] if you know what I mean.

[1:06:41] It's a weird plan,

[1:06:42] and it also doesn't feel very Star Wars-y.

[1:06:44] It feels very magical, and like,

[1:06:46] to put it, not to put this kind of point on it,

[1:06:49] but Lord of the Rings-y.

[1:06:50] Rey just pointed at me

[1:06:51] like he's about to shoot me with force.

[1:06:52] I mean, it feels Star Wars-y in that

[1:06:54] it is a complete, exact retread

[1:06:57] of the end of Return of the Jedi,

[1:06:59] where he's like, yes, yes, your anger, strike me down!

[1:07:02] No, no, but there, the assumption was,

[1:07:05] you're gonna turn evil, and that's gonna be good for me,

[1:07:09] whereas here, it's like, you're gonna turn evil,

[1:07:11] but then I'm gonna enter your body,

[1:07:12] and you're gonna be possessed by the souls of the Sith,

[1:07:15] but also, it was one of those things where it was like,

[1:07:17] so, so like, she can, so you can never,

[1:07:21] it's a real convenient thing for the bad guy to say,

[1:07:23] to be like, if you kill me, I'm gonna win,

[1:07:26] so I guess you can't stop me, and it's like,

[1:07:28] I wish you'd just tell me.

[1:07:29] Diplomatic immunity!

[1:07:30] I wish he, there were two ways I wanted her to end this,

[1:07:33] which are not, one was for her to be like, bullshit,

[1:07:35] and then kill him, and he'll be like, oh, I was lying!

[1:07:38] Oh, called my bluff!

[1:07:40] Just grandpa's little girl!

[1:07:42] You're the first Jedi ever to think of that!

[1:07:44] But the other one was, he keeps saying,

[1:07:46] if you kill me out of hate,

[1:07:47] and then he's pointing at her friends in the sky,

[1:07:50] who have appeared and are fighting these ships,

[1:07:51] and are all dying, and he's destroying them

[1:07:53] with lightning bolts, and he's like,

[1:07:54] you can't say, if you wanna save your friends,

[1:07:56] you gotta kill me, but then I'm gonna win,

[1:07:58] look at this, isn't it a real catch-22?

[1:08:00] Yes, we have that novel in this universe!

[1:08:02] But I wanted her, this was,

[1:08:04] if I had been writing this movie, which I was not,

[1:08:06] I would have wanted her to say, him to be like,

[1:08:09] you can't kill me out of anger,

[1:08:10] and for her to say something about her friends,

[1:08:13] and be like, I'm not killing you out of anger,

[1:08:14] I'm killing you out of love,

[1:08:15] and then just chop his head off.

[1:08:16] And I was waiting for that moment,

[1:08:19] and instead, Kylo shows up, and he's like,

[1:08:22] now I'm gonna feast on your friendship!

[1:08:24] And it was like, wait, what?

[1:08:25] How many rules are you making up as you go along?

[1:08:28] Also, I don't wanna leap ahead, but I'm going to.

[1:08:31] It's not that much of the movie-like.

[1:08:33] This thing goes on for a long time.

[1:08:34] Kylo comes back, and like, whatever, like, uh,

[1:08:39] well, let's-

[1:08:40] You said Kylo, not Kyle,

[1:08:42] because if Kyle Katarn showed up,

[1:08:43] I would have been like, what?

[1:08:44] Yes, instantly great.

[1:08:47] All this shit happens-

[1:08:48] Yeah, if Dash Rendar showed up

[1:08:49] and helped out at the end, it'd be crazy.

[1:08:51] They're like, yes, all the LucasArts games

[1:08:54] are officially canon now.

[1:08:55] Well, we'll-

[1:08:56] Full throttle, and then full throttle,

[1:08:58] and Grim Fandango show up, here's Sam and Max,

[1:09:01] they hit the road to Star Wars!

[1:09:03] Maniac Mansion is here!

[1:09:07] Indiana Jones, you found Atlantis?

[1:09:10] No, we're gonna-

[1:09:11] Oh, that reminds me of that great Star Wars comic

[1:09:14] where the Millennium Falcon lands,

[1:09:16] crash lands on Earth thousands of years ago,

[1:09:18] and Chewbacca becomes Bigfoot,

[1:09:23] and Indiana Jones stumbles on this old spaceship

[1:09:26] with a skeleton in it, and he's like,

[1:09:28] this is weird.

[1:09:29] I was like, oh, what a great story.

[1:09:30] Harrison Ford finds his own dead body.

[1:09:34] I wanna loop, we can loop back and get the stuff

[1:09:36] that I'm skipping over.

[1:09:37] We'll loop back and kill our loopers, yeah.

[1:09:40] You can get the stuff I'm skipping over,

[1:09:41] but eventually, Ray, spoiler alert,

[1:09:44] kills Palpatine by basically reflecting

[1:09:49] his zaps back at him, and I'm just like, okay.

[1:09:52] The old zap back attack, yeah.

[1:09:54] That's the loophole in this.

[1:09:55] You can't strike me down in anger,

[1:09:56] but if I'm angrily zapping you,

[1:09:58] and you reflect it at me.

[1:10:00] Then everything's cool and like the thing that got me was she was like yeah

[1:10:04] I can't kill someone in anger even if he's the evilest man in the world

[1:10:07] I guess I'll just cold-blooded he kill all these child soldiers that are in armor

[1:10:11] They have masks so I can't see their faces. They're not people to me. Yeah anyway poe damn, Ron

[1:10:16] He's like we got to get it. There's a bunch of crap about how they he's a general at this point, right?

[1:10:20] He's a general. I want to call him general damn, Ron

[1:10:22] Sorry

[1:10:24] Gotta respect the ranking. I don't respect the man who holds it

[1:10:28] Like they've got this they gotta destroy a transmitter because the Star Destroyers can't

[1:10:32] Not crash into each other that's transmitter, and he's like we'll send out a message for all the volunteers

[1:10:36] We're gonna Dunkirk this we're gonna have a fleet of civilian ships come in, but nobody's showing up

[1:10:41] I also love it

[1:10:42] I love that they also like made a point of being like in the last movie

[1:10:46] We tried to get people to show up, but they wouldn't cuz the movie wasn't as good

[1:10:52] And I mean the charitable look but no there is a charitable like interpretation

[1:10:57] Which is not yeah?

[1:10:58] You have to try and get everyone to show up in the last movie and them not come for to pay off

[1:11:03] I

[1:11:04] Didn't take that as necessarily common the last one

[1:11:06] But it did it what bothered me was they all show up, and he's like they did it we did it

[1:11:11] I am the greatest take that dead Laura Dern

[1:11:14] I'm the greatest, but then they show up and and

[1:11:17] Richard E. Grant who again I love everything he says wait as a he says what are these ships?

[1:11:23] They don't have a fleet and his second-in-command goes. It's not a fleet. It's just

[1:11:28] People and I was like movie

[1:11:30] Richard E. Grant is a person the Emperor is a person when it comes down to it all the stormtroopers are people the bad guys

[1:11:36] Are also people so like you have now set up a dichotomy where the rebels are good because I guess they don't have uniforms

[1:11:43] Whereas the bad guys are inhuman and can just be civilians and Elliot then say they don't they well

[1:11:48] Then here's what they should said they should have said

[1:11:51] He said they don't have a fleet and the segment should have said I suppose they do now

[1:11:55] And then you don't bring up this question in my mind of like so I guess the bad guys can be killed with impunity because

[1:12:00] They're not human beings. They're just they're just monsters. Well. You're ruining the thing

[1:12:04] I was gonna say which is like. I know how much you loved that moment

[1:12:07] Well, no, I know I know this is a I know this is a ripoff

[1:12:10] I mean, it's not a ripoff ripoff of Dunkirk the real thing that happens. You've seen it in plenty of movies

[1:12:16] You've seen it in life in Dunkirk, but like

[1:12:27] What I'm going to say is like

[1:12:29] this this movie comes like so

[1:12:33] becomes so soon on

[1:12:36] the heels of

[1:12:38] Avengers endgame

[1:12:39] Yes, we're like the same thing oh, and it was and it was I was I was it was so much more powerful for me in

[1:12:45] Avengers endgame yes, and I think partly because

[1:12:48] Other than Lando and you get to see a giant man punch a flying space worm

[1:12:52] I mean, that's always my favorite thing in any of the Avengers movies is seeing him as giant man when when in Civil War when he

[1:12:57] Grows giant man and ripped the wing off plane. I was like this is why I went to see this movie

[1:13:01] I didn't know what's happening, but I always want to see this except Elliot

[1:13:05] He has the strength of a man when he's small. Why does he have the strength of a superman when he's big?

[1:13:11] Huge also Dan if that's the thing molecules are further apart

[1:13:15] Yeah

[1:13:16] this these movies are also asking you to believe that the Norse mythology is the one true religion because we've seen those gods and we

[1:13:23] Know that that is the underworld that exists so if you're willing to buy that then maybe you can buy that this guy gets super

[1:13:29] And it also make it's also posits the idea that Benedict Cumberbatch's character is actually speaking with a normal New York accent

[1:13:37] Which that's a crazy accent

[1:13:39] Want to say though like even though it was scooped by Avengers and even though this is like a cheap moment designed to make me

[1:13:48] Emotional I did get a little emotional when everyone showed I think I would have gotten more emotional if there were more characters

[1:13:54] That I was seeing that were not

[1:13:57] New to this movie, I don't really care if Kerry Russell shows up at the end

[1:14:00] That is not a character that has not been built up for me Lando

[1:14:03] We saw already earlier in the movie, so it's not a big surprise we get to see wedges coming great wedge

[1:14:09] Fantastic and but like there was a when I was trying to think why is it so affecting to me an endgame and even an

[1:14:15] Endgame there was a port where at a certain point. It's just like don't forget me boss

[1:14:20] But I think it was because

[1:14:22] One movie ago. We had seen a lot of those characters die

[1:14:25] Yeah, but also that those movies like we're spaced out just in a different way

[1:14:29] And I felt like it was weird because it's like oh, I I feel with the event with the Marvel movies

[1:14:34] It was like we're seeing all these characters that have been built up over years all in one scene for the first time

[1:14:40] But with Star Wars. I was like I should be feeling that too. These are characters. I've seen for all my entire life except that

[1:14:46] For some of it. I think they've ruined some of the impact by having like having Lando show up having Han show up

[1:14:52] Having Leia playing such a big part up till then having Luke already have shown up

[1:14:57] It was like the idea of all these characters coming back was not as exciting

[1:15:00] We've already seen them come back in that movie. You know so I don't know I could be wrong

[1:15:04] But for some reason just didn't have the same maybe I just don't know how you square that circle because you want to see those

[1:15:07] Characters come back earlier in the story than like at the very last moment

[1:15:12] I think you I think you I mean part of is just dig deeper and get some more characters

[1:15:15] Why isn't mom on a don that there? Where's Dengar come on? I will bring bring them all back. We're salacious crumb pilot

[1:15:21] Laughing his head off come on. Yeah, anyway while there now that there's a lot of ships. It's the law

[1:15:27] I was mad there wasn't a scene where bb-8 got to beat the shit out of BB 9e I

[1:15:33] Mean I was mad that R2 barely came back like if there's every character. I wanted to see play a big part

[1:15:38] It's R2 instead bb-8 has one moment R2 like has a moment where he gets zapped and pose using him in his ship

[1:15:44] And I was like Poe since what are you an R2 like best buds like I mean

[1:15:48] I'd already mentioned this that they pushed the release of an episode of the Mandalorian up so that they could show off a

[1:15:54] Force-power so fans wouldn't see it for the first time in the movie and get mad

[1:15:59] but I

[1:16:01] Was kind of bummed that like man Carl Weathers should have shown up or Gina Carano or babe?

[1:16:07] Well, baby Yoda, of course if baby Yoda showed up flying a plane at the end that have been amazing

[1:16:12] I mean, I think I would have thrown somebody else's popcorn in the I wasn't

[1:16:17] Saying can't take the calories in there for in the morning

[1:16:22] Dash rendars should have been there. Yeah

[1:16:24] Yeah, and if they were if they were rendered exactly as they were in the original video

[1:16:29] Mara Jade is there just his text, you know

[1:16:31] Yeah, but they I think the I don't know for some reason it just didn't and it because of the general Grievous was there

[1:16:37] I mean, he's dead, but sure they're all coming back. Yeah, why not?

[1:16:41] They I think the law of movie plot means that when it's time for the good guys to win all the bad guys

[1:16:47] Supermachines are suddenly incredibly vulnerable. So a couple shots just takes out their big plan to destroying spaceship dicks. Meanwhile

[1:16:53] Ray is effectively killed by the Emperor right and who shows up Kylo Ren. He's a good guy now

[1:16:59] He fights all of his Knights of Ren, which we don't get to see that much of yeah, they're they're boring and he shows up

[1:17:05] And oh, no, that's when it's like, oh your friendship is so powerful

[1:17:09] You are this fabled Jedi friendship that only appears once every thousand years

[1:17:13] It's like it's called love Palpatine and happens all the time like maybe it's weird to you and he sucks their friendship out

[1:17:19] that's when he gets super powerful and

[1:17:21] what happens like Kylo Ren like

[1:17:24] Rey does the thing where she has two lightsabers and she

[1:17:27] Reflects the lightning bolts back at him and he dissolves and it's well

[1:17:30] Before that happens. She calls basically she calls on the power of all the Jedi's that came before. Oh, right

[1:17:36] Then they're all like I'm with you here with you. I am too like that kind of stuff

[1:17:43] You hear Mace Windu for a moment, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, and you probably hear and he's like fucking king of reflecting shit

[1:17:50] I'm serious

[1:17:52] City is that voice and he's like fuck I'm gonna need a new face

[1:17:59] Kyle Katarn because he became a Jedi in this in the second game and so they're all there and yes, right

[1:18:06] I forgot how can a

[1:18:09] She calls on whatever the character I named in Knights of the Old Republic

[1:18:13] and

[1:18:14] Kulak Eldroma is there? Yeah, sure and and

[1:18:18] Rey uses that to deflect it with the lightsabers and she did a great job of

[1:18:22] Getting across something that no actor is is trained to do which is they're like, okay now you have to pretend

[1:18:29] You're pushing against something really hard and it's made out of force bolts or no actor mimes Elliot

[1:18:35] They've been training their whole life

[1:18:39] Training earlier in the movie and it came into effect here and the lightning dissolves

[1:18:44] Palpatine and all and the planet starts it releases a huge thing of energy which kills all of his followers and it's like

[1:18:51] Like again, that was like a thousand people and I guess maybe there will chalk that up to Palpatine's casualties

[1:18:57] I don't know. I mean as they're dying, they're all like it was worth

[1:19:03] This is the show

[1:19:05] And and

[1:19:07] Rey is like, oh, I'm dead now and Kyle Kylo Ren is like I landed a thing or two about force healing and he

[1:19:14] Brings her back to life and they kiss and then Kylo dies

[1:19:18] And you know, he's dead for real cuz he disappears in his clothes falls to the ground

[1:19:22] Cuz that's how a real Jedi dies. Dan. I learned that watching the Dark Crystal

[1:19:27] And

[1:19:30] Now they blow up the bad guy spaceship now that the Emperor's dead

[1:19:33] I'm not a huge fan of the Emperor showing back up in this movie

[1:19:36] I think it's really dumb that he shows up. They wait to reveal him until the very last movie and he's

[1:19:42] But the I don't know if I would have preferred

[1:19:46] I don't know if I think it's cool that like he's a physical body

[1:19:50] I wish if he was a physical body

[1:19:52] They played up more the idea that he was a clone and specifically that like because he's a Sith he can't live on after

[1:20:00] death, like he's obsessed with, like, unlike a Jedi, he can't, he can't come

[1:20:05] back as a ghost, so he's gotta keep transferring his consciousness to bodies. Or if, or if, I think he

[1:20:10] should have just been a weird spirit that they couldn't fight, but is more

[1:20:13] this, like, feeling of darkness, but I don't know. I think those are both super

[1:20:17] great, valid ways to do it. I've, I've been on the record, I think, before I was

[1:20:21] saying, I don't, I've never liked the Emperor as a character. I feel like he

[1:20:24] tips it too far from iconic, legendary status into child's fairy tale status.

[1:20:30] Yeah. And I just don't buy that this huge intergalactic empire is run by a creepy

[1:20:35] old wizard man who uses a, like, a twisted black cane. Yeah, what about that part at

[1:20:39] the end of The Phantom Menace where he's like, oh, Mr. Skywalker, I'll be watching

[1:20:44] you with extreme interest, or whatever the fuck he says. And you're like, Sheev, you

[1:20:50] fucking dirty dog, I know what you're up to. The, uh, the, but I think it's, it's, it

[1:20:56] feels like such a, yeah, it's just a disappointment when you see him show up

[1:21:00] in the beginning, because it's like... Dan, are you texting all your friends about Emperor Palpatine right now?

[1:21:03] Totally. It's like, it's like, it feels like you should, what, that you're really paying

[1:21:08] close attention to texting during the, during the recording? That it's, uh, that

[1:21:11] they should, they should, the opening calls from, like, episode 9. It is a time of

[1:21:15] lack of imagination in the universe. Uh, the Emperor's back. We couldn't think of a better bad guy.

[1:21:18] Doesn't it open with, like, episode 9, the dead speak? Something like that, yeah.

[1:21:23] Well, I mean, and... Because they're referring to the fact that, of course, if you'd

[1:21:26] been playing the video game Fortnite, you would have heard messages from Emperor Palpatine.

[1:21:29] Well, that's the thing, like, if they had started the movie with these

[1:21:33] mysterious messages that say they're from Palpatine, and it's a mystery whether

[1:21:36] he's actually back or not, I think that would have been really cool. There's

[1:21:40] something really disappointing about him just showing up in the first scene and

[1:21:42] being like, Hey, sup, Kylo, it's me, Palp. I'm back, my buddy. That was a thing, like, that

[1:21:47] opening scene, I was like, uh-oh. Like, the movie gets off on the wrong foot, and it's

[1:21:54] partly because it's like, uh, there's no, like, I don't want a lot of mystery from

[1:21:59] a Star Wars movie, but I want, like, storytelling, you know? I do feel like the

[1:22:03] trilogy... That's a rough thing for me to say, I shouldn't say that. The trilogy writes itself into kind of a weird place, and I don't know

[1:22:08] what to do about it, because, like, look, like, for me, Kylo Ren is actually one of

[1:22:13] the best things about the new trilogy. Yeah, I like him a lot. Like, Adam Driver's

[1:22:17] great in the role, and it's an interesting conception of the role. Like,

[1:22:20] we've seen, like, the conflicted bad guy before, but only, like, kind of at the end

[1:22:25] of the Darth Vader arc. The Darth Vader arc? Dark Vapor is the

[1:22:30] bootleg toy that you find, like, at a street fair next to a socks booth? It's interesting to see, like, the

[1:22:36] whole arc of these movies, like, he is, like, this emo guy who's trying really hard to

[1:22:43] be bad, even though something's pulling him good, and that's interesting, but you

[1:22:47] do write yourself into a corner, and I wonder how this last movie would go if

[1:22:51] someone else did it, where, like, you need someone to be the actual bad guy of the

[1:22:57] movie, but you don't necessarily want that to be Kylo Ren, because he's such a

[1:23:00] complex, like, character at that point. Yeah, I mean, I don't think... I feel like you

[1:23:07] could have done this movie... Obviously, this is stupid that I'm doing this, like,

[1:23:10] backseat. I'm trying to rewrite a fucking Star Wars movie right now, but, like... These movies are

[1:23:14] incredibly hard to make. There's a lot of expectations on them, and they're scheduled to hit.

[1:23:18] Like, it's hard. You know, that's part of the part of the thing that felt... I felt

[1:23:22] strongest about was how rushed the whole thing felt, more than any of the other

[1:23:26] Star Wars. Which is strange, because Force Awakens, I know, they really had to rush. Like, the

[1:23:30] release date was announced, and they had, I don't know, what, a year and a half to

[1:23:33] make that movie from start of scripting to finish of production and then release,

[1:23:38] and that comes together. But that, I guess, that's being carried along by the

[1:23:41] excitement of new things and old things. Yes. It's hard to have a culmination that

[1:23:45] that really is like, that pulls it up. But anyway, you were saying... I interrupted you. No, like, I mean, I feel

[1:23:50] like you... If you... The focus of the movie was on Rey and Kylo's relationship, and

[1:23:56] Kylo is now in charge of this whole fucking big army, and then you have the

[1:24:01] idea of, like, a mysterious message from Palpatine. Is it from Palpatine or not?

[1:24:04] And that pushes both of them. Like, Kylo's obviously angry that somebody

[1:24:10] else is, like, claiming to be the Supreme Dark Side dude, so he starts acting out.

[1:24:14] And it forms a confrontation between the two of them, and then over the course of

[1:24:18] that, he realizes that, you know, whatever, he's not a bad... He, you know, whatever, he's a

[1:24:21] good... He's a good dude, and that Hux is the real bad guy. Here's the way I would have

[1:24:25] done it. Okay. Okay. One of many ways. This is backseat... I was... I'm gonna be... This is a

[1:24:30] little segment I'm gonna call Backseat Adam Driver, where I tell you how I would

[1:24:33] have done it, is you start off... There's these... It's... Kylo Ren and Rey have this

[1:24:38] weird kind of relationship, but they are also the leaders of enemy forces. And

[1:24:43] like you're saying, Kylo Ren is struggling with this Dark Side aspect

[1:24:46] of him, and because... Or struggling with the Light Side aspect of him. He wants to

[1:24:50] be a bad guy. It's... It's because to be a bad guy is to be emotionally

[1:24:54] invulnerable, and to be a good guy is to open yourself up to feelings like love

[1:24:58] and insecurity and relying on other people, and he can't abide that. He can't

[1:25:01] abide the weakness inside himself that all people have. So he wants to be Darth

[1:25:04] Vader, who he believes had no weakness, because he doesn't know that Darth Vader

[1:25:07] went, No! He found out that his wife had passed, and... And that Darth Vader was...

[1:25:12] How's my girlfriend? That the Darth Vader was the weakest thing of all, a deadbeat

[1:25:16] dad. But anyway, that... So he... But there's these mysterious messages start

[1:25:22] appearing, I don't know, over the radio or something, or to force sensitive people

[1:25:26] all over the galaxy, because we've established in the last movie, there are...

[1:25:29] People are force sensitive all over. Little boys can use the force to put

[1:25:32] brooms in their hands, you know? And if a little boy can put a broom on his hands,

[1:25:35] then we can make a pencil out of leaves, you know? And so...

[1:25:38] Ali is like tapping me. Ali knows how to pitch to his audience.

[1:25:41] I'm like, Dan, you like this, right? So here's what happens next. Here's what happens next.

[1:25:45] Get a load of this. See if this grabs you. So they... And they're... So they're

[1:25:48] battling, and Kylo Ren is getting more and more distracted by trying to figure

[1:25:52] out who this Palpatine guy is, and Rey... And the heroes are like, Well, we... If

[1:25:55] Palpatine's back, obviously he's the real villain. We got to go after him, and

[1:25:59] I would have it turn out at the end that Kylo Ren is basically a split

[1:26:04] personality, and he's been making this happen. The dark side of him is, if

[1:26:09] anything, disgusted with the light side of him, and is trying to pull away, and

[1:26:12] either goad him into being worse, or create some sort of force and

[1:26:18] parenthood like you're talking about. And so the way that Kylo Ren can defeat this...

[1:26:22] And this makes it more of a Kylo Ren movie than a Rey movie. You'd have to come up

[1:26:24] with what Rey's plot is. Is that he is figuring out that he is not a slave,

[1:26:31] basically, to the dark side of his passions and things like that. Sure. But I would so

[1:26:35] much more like... Like, that would play into the duality of it, somewhat. But... And

[1:26:38] then you... And focus on these characters instead of just, like, dumb bullshit.

[1:26:42] And instead of sending Rey and her pals on a treasure hunt to find, like, one

[1:26:46] item after another. But that... I think... Because that was part of what bugged me

[1:26:49] about the movie, was it didn't feel like it was about the characters in the movie.

[1:26:52] Like, Star Wars, you could say, has a MacGuffin in it. It's got the Death Star

[1:26:56] plans. But it's very clearly... This is a movie about, like, Luke's journey. And then

[1:27:00] it becomes about Han's journey, too. And it becomes a little bit about Leia's

[1:27:03] journey. And they both... They all have trauma to deal with. Leia loses her entire

[1:27:06] planet. Luke loses a friend that he had made a couple days ago. And... Luke loses his surrogate

[1:27:12] parents, Elliot. And he's... And also... Yeah, but he doesn't like them. That's true. And his aunt and uncle.

[1:27:17] Well, no. He doesn't like... But that doesn't mean he doesn't like seeing, like... I mean, he loves his hometown. He doesn't want to see, like, roasted skeletons. I like my hometown. I don't want to see my parents roasted by Sand People.

[1:27:25] Stormtroopers, Dan. That's true. Who pretend to be Sand People. Who pretend to be Sand People. Sorry. And they prefer to be called

[1:27:31] Tusken Raiders. Sand People is a negative term. But the... This movie, it kind of

[1:27:35] felt like... But Stormtroopers never actually shoot people, right? It's the one-time story. Well, Stormtroopers can

[1:27:41] shoot civilians. That's what they're good at. They can set a non-flammable hut on fire.

[1:27:45] And so it's like... They were trying to make this story... Civilians' armor class is much lower, so it's easier to hit them. They were trying to make this

[1:27:54] story about Rey kind of finding herself. Who is she? And who does she belong to?

[1:27:57] And rejecting this legacy of evil. But it never quite felt like it was built

[1:28:03] around the character that we've come to know. I don't know. It felt like, at points

[1:28:06] where the character... It should have been about Carol. I just love the continuing

[1:28:09] message that you can only have force powers if your parents had force powers. Yeah, let's wrap this all up, though.

[1:28:15] Just like the very end of the actual movie, the synopsis. At the end of the movie, everyone's

[1:28:20] celebrating. We did it. Yay! And this was the biggest piece of stupid fan service,

[1:28:25] is that someone hands Chewbacca a medal. Like, here you go. You got one, finally.

[1:28:30] And I was like, wow. They're really closing the loop on this thing that

[1:28:33] happened at the end of the first movie. I had to pause the movie, because I was watching

[1:28:37] a Deedless Reader, and call my wife over and go, this was the dumbest moment.

[1:28:40] They're like, finally we rectified the historic crime of Chewbacca not getting a medal.

[1:28:44] And then Danielle's like, could I go to sleep now? No, stay awake. Now, the next thing

[1:28:49] you're gonna see is somebody slap the cuffs on Ozymandias. The only thing that

[1:28:54] would have made that scene more ridiculous to me is if they gave him the Cowardly

[1:28:57] Lions medal from the Wizard of Oz. It's just like courage in big letters. So then, and Rey goes to...

[1:29:03] They translate Chewbacca's yowl. It says, this looks fake.

[1:29:08] He takes a bite and there's chocolate inside. So Rey goes to Tatooine, to Luke's old home.

[1:29:15] I'm sure it's the real set, which is really there, still in Tunisia, being devoured by the desert,

[1:29:20] slowly over time. And because Jedi have no bodies to bury, and their ghosts just hang

[1:29:25] around to talk to you anyway, so why bother? She buries Luke and Leia's lightsabers. Or is

[1:29:30] it Kylo Ren? And Luke and Leia's ghosts are like, thanks, pal. And then someone's like...

[1:29:40] Then an old lady is just wandering by with her amazing Beast of Berserk, and she's like,

[1:29:45] oh, who are you? We don't get many strangers around these parts. What's your name? She goes,

[1:29:50] Rey Skywalker. And I wanted, and like, I get that she's taking on that mantle,

[1:29:56] but I wanted Luke's ghost to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

[1:30:00] Second now

[1:30:02] To be horrified. Hold on. Wait a minute like Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader guards

[1:30:09] Skywalker who mayor who killed his aunt and uncle how no you Luke Skywalker who kissed his sister on the lips once I

[1:30:16] Want to see you think the people in Tatooine think Luke kills an uncle and then skip town. That's a totally valid reading of what?

[1:30:24] Wanted posters for Luke all over most likely he committed the worst crime

[1:30:30] When he was

[1:30:32] In the company of an old man who chopped off the arm of one

[1:30:38] So this this boy will love this girl growing up. He seemed like such a quiet boy

[1:30:42] He kept shooting womp rats, but that's normal, right? Oh, we know. Yeah, he killed animals as a youth

[1:30:46] He never wanted to do his chores. So I was hanging out with those losers at Tosche station next thing

[1:30:51] We know his house is on fire. His aunt and uncle who only loved him are dead

[1:30:55] He's run away we're in just a karate key with a crazy old man who lived out in the desert

[1:31:00] We heard they jump ship with a pirate and a bear dog

[1:31:05] After going to it to a seedy spacer bar. Oh that Luke Skywalker. He is bad news

[1:31:11] That is a totally valid reading for the local Tatooine gossips

[1:31:17] Okay, that all being said the Tatooine tattler

[1:31:26] Is this blind item which lugubrious Hut was seen eyeing a certain six-breasted dancer

[1:31:34] Our lips are sealed

[1:31:36] And it's by Gurindan. It's the Tatooine tattler by Gurindan that all being said

[1:31:45] For me look, I know I know that the which Mandalorian bounty hunter was seen

[1:31:51] Yucking it up with those twin ladies that hang out of the bar

[1:31:55] Post the they'll post the picture when Han steps on Jabba's tail and they're like a job of the

[1:32:02] Sources tell me that figured to end and the modal nodes may be breaking up or recording a new album. I guess time will tell I

[1:32:09] Will say for me

[1:32:12] even though I know that that woman wandering by and asking Ray's name is the most

[1:32:17] Egregious like set up for an emotional moment. Yep. I did find the very end of this movie

[1:32:25] moving like the idea that Ray who like so

[1:32:30] So

[1:32:32] Found it important to like think about who her parents were

[1:32:35] was like

[1:32:37] sort of disappointed to find out maybe that like like

[1:32:41] Well, like felt like spent so much time thinking that her parents were bad people and when she was when we're first introduced to her

[1:32:48] She has nobody. Yes. There's no one no one in the world. She's totally alone

[1:32:51] yes, and then like thinks her parents are bad people then finds that they were like

[1:32:56] Killed because they were protecting her from a bad person and then had these like real people in her life that were

[1:33:04] surrogate

[1:33:05] Parent figures to her I did find it moving that she took on their name and we can leave aside the fact that her

[1:33:11] surrogate father and surrogate mother are siblings

[1:33:14] Sure, and the weirdness I guess you know what and they got blasted Harry Potter style

[1:33:19] that's Anna of Green Gables, and I can't find fault with that because and surrogate parents eventually are basically Marella and

[1:33:26] What's uh?

[1:33:28] I read the book so long

[1:33:30] Anyway the brother and sister who take her in and then and then they become kind of her her family

[1:33:35] You know after bearing those lightsabers. Does she have a cool lightsaber anymore Dan?

[1:33:39] She has another lightsaber that she apparently built herself cool. What color is that like it's like white

[1:33:43] I guess it's got kind of a dial on it a cool new lightsaber. It's like a hipster retro rotary lightsaber

[1:33:51] So I think yeah, Dan. I think you were moved more by this movie than I was I think I found it more

[1:33:57] to be honest like

[1:33:59] boring and it's the first time counting the pre even including the prequels and including solo where I was watching the Star Wars movie and

[1:34:05] I was like uh

[1:34:06] Like I'm kind of done with this

[1:34:08] Yeah, like by the third time Kylo Ren and Rey were about to lightsaber

[1:34:13] I was like are we gonna watch them lightsaber fight again, and I felt bad cuz I was like there's real fight

[1:34:17] Choreography going into this the actors look like they really worked hard at it

[1:34:21] Everybody's doing their best, but I'm just like the inner grandma, and you kicked in and you're like

[1:34:25] I'm just so glad that so many people made a paycheck guys look look

[1:34:31] This is a this is a flop house after dark as we've decided

[1:34:35] I've certainly been swearing up a storm. I haven't been wearing pants at all. Yeah, so how's it different than a usual very rousing?

[1:34:43] We um I think I've decided we've gone

[1:34:47] As long as the normal episode just talking about the movie. Yeah, we're not gonna bother with thing that we should do normally

[1:34:53] We're not gonna bother with any of these training stuff. We're just gonna kind of end it here

[1:34:56] but like I do think we should do a final judgments whether it's a good bad movie a

[1:35:02] Bad bad movie a movie kind of like Elliot. You're kind of in it already. Yeah, you're soaking in it

[1:35:07] Oh, what do you have to say about it?

[1:35:10] I mean, I don't it's kind of not one of those things for me

[1:35:13] It's which is that I didn't like it, but I didn't hate it

[1:35:16] It was the first time I saw a Star Wars movie

[1:35:18] and I was indifferent to it and maybe that's because

[1:35:21] Star Wars is not as important to me as it once was because I have

[1:35:25] other responsibilities in my life and also I've

[1:35:28] since and like when I think I've talked about on a Star Wars minute how like when I was younger the Star Wars universe was a

[1:35:33] universe that I could

[1:35:35] Know about become an authority on really feel ownership over when the real world felt

[1:35:40] Mysterious and alienating and isolating to me and over time that has been replaced by the real world becoming more warm and welcoming to me

[1:35:47] But also like my love of actual history and it's kind of when I'm so mad about James Buchanan and Andrew Johnson

[1:35:53] it's hard for me to get as mad about like Emperor Palpatine, but it's the first time I ever watched a Star Wars movie and I

[1:35:58] Was like, ah, I'm kind of not feeling anything. You know, it's like what happens when you run into an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or other

[1:36:07] Relationship person and you're like relationship person and it's like you I'm trying to cover all bases

[1:36:11] Yeah, sure

[1:36:12] And you run into them at a party or on the street or something and you're like, hey

[1:36:16] How's it going? And you're talking to them and you're like, I feel no

[1:36:20] Emotions for this person. I had this experience where I ran into an ex-girlfriend and I was like

[1:36:23] This is someone that I felt like I was in love with she broke up with me and it devastated me and I'm meeting her

[1:36:28] And I'm like, oh, this is just a person. I have no

[1:36:31] Entanglements with this person whatsoever. And when I leave this moment, I will have it might as well not have happened

[1:36:36] Yeah, you didn't immediately queue up like hug and touch and squeezing by a journey on your iPod

[1:36:40] I did not do that. And so that's what this Star Wars felt like to me

[1:36:42] It was like, oh, maybe I don't have the relationship with with this franchise that I felt like I did until episode 10

[1:36:49] Salacious crumb and Dengar's wild adventure. Yeah, who's

[1:36:53] Salacious crumb question mark and it's him with the big like suction cups

[1:36:59] Yeah

[1:37:01] Let's I mean that two things style poster t-shirt has got to be made. I know man. Yeah, let's okay

[1:37:08] I'll let Stewart closes out with negativity because I know that that's where it's gonna go. But no, let me go first

[1:37:15] I'm saying I'll let you I'll let you close out with negativity. I'm gonna say

[1:37:20] That it's weird for me to like try and like play the maturity card because Elliot has

[1:37:28] two children that he's raising and Stewart has

[1:37:31] successful

[1:37:33] small business

[1:37:35] But I am the oldest so I will say that sure I feel like I do have this I have reached a point in

[1:37:41] My life where I'm like, okay Star Wars is a thing. It was my young love

[1:37:44] I will always in some part of my heart love it and I'm excited for a new Star War but

[1:37:52] watching this like

[1:37:54] You know, I know that watching this is not going to ruin

[1:37:58] What Star Wars means to me so I can enjoy it just as like your one-man show what Star Wars means to me on

[1:38:04] You just enjoy it as a thing that washes over me that like one-man show on Broadway there

[1:38:09] Let me finish my thing like there are things that I like about it things

[1:38:13] I didn't like about it. Like this is definitely the weakest non prequel movie for me and

[1:38:21] But I kind of just like, you know, I had fun I got my my look my

[1:38:29] My expectations were reduced I have brought up Audrey a lot in this podcast

[1:38:34] But I think it's interesting because she only watched Star Wars this year to like talk about her reaction last Jedi was

[1:38:41] Her favorite of all of them and I think that's because it brought like sort of shades of gray into the Star Wars universe

[1:38:49] More than 49 or less than 51. It's suggested it suggested that like there's maybe more to this

[1:38:58] It's adjusted the shades of gray wherever you go the more you

[1:39:02] Suggested that there's maybe more to this universe than this one bloodline. Yeah, and

[1:39:08] like I

[1:39:09] understand that

[1:39:11] Viewpoint and I understand that like as someone seeing it for the first time this year

[1:39:15] And I also understand that like I'm a white male 41 year old and like she is a

[1:39:26] Filipino female 32 year old and thus like maybe the last Jedi like

[1:39:33] Carries more meaning for her in the sense that like if she's seeing it all this year like to see so much of it

[1:39:39] Carries more meaning for her in the sense that like if she's seeing it all this year like to see so much of it

[1:39:45] Undone by this movie is like more of a slap in the face

[1:39:50] Necessarily than to me who is just like you know what I've seen Star Wars come and I've seen Star Wars go and this is

[1:39:56] One of them and that's the old man at the train station. Well, I'll always be

[1:40:00] Star Wars coming down the tracks. Yeah, it's like this is the worst of the new

[1:40:03] trilogy, but I do look at it and I'm like okay well this might be the worst. I

[1:40:09] think it's fucking enraging that Rose is sidelined the way it is. It's

[1:40:14] annoying that Rey is suddenly of a significant bloodline rather

[1:40:24] than like the message. Just a piece of space trash. No, no, the message that just anyone can be a

[1:40:30] hero in this universe. Which is very much the message of the last movie. Yes, like

[1:40:35] that is a much better message than like you have to be like a special human

[1:40:40] being or whatever race they are in space like to like make a difference. Like

[1:40:45] that is a terrible message, but I do also like look back on this new trilogy and

[1:40:50] be like oh you know like they've given us great characters in Rey and Finn and

[1:40:57] Rose and BB-8 and Poe. These are like Babu Frick. Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren's pretty cool.

[1:41:05] There are all these like great characters in the new trilogy so I don't

[1:41:09] know I was happy to see the one last time. Definitely the worst of the three

[1:41:13] movies. Marginally kind of like. Yeah sorry I mean sorry for stepping on that

[1:41:18] Dan. I mean you know it's it's tough when we start talking about Star Wars and

[1:41:23] telling jokes I get all worked up. He gets his force up. It rises. Yeah it's I

[1:41:28] mean I already mentioned this kind of earlier but like Star Wars one of those

[1:41:31] things that I can't really control how I feel about it. It's it's been like you

[1:41:36] know a big part of my my fantasy world since I was a little kid and so it meant

[1:41:45] that like even going to the prequels like even knowing that they're not good

[1:41:48] I still liked them and every single Star Wars movie I saw in the theater I

[1:41:55] remember leaving and liking and this was the first time I was bummed man like so

[1:42:01] much of it felt like it was an attempt to erase what had happened in the in the

[1:42:05] Last Jedi a movie that I liked quite a bit and was a it shocked me by actually

[1:42:11] putting in surprising stuff and it it felt so much like a response to like try

[1:42:18] to appease appeal of critics and like I remember when they first announced that

[1:42:22] they were gonna be doing the Disney had gotten the rights and that a filmmaker

[1:42:26] other than George Lucas was gonna get to make Star Wars movies and that was

[1:42:30] really exciting and that like and that excitement kind of paid off with at

[1:42:35] least the first half of Force Awakens where it felt like at least JJ Abrams

[1:42:38] understood kind of what like what was exciting about Star Wars and then seeing

[1:42:45] The Last Jedi it was really great to see a skilled filmmaker make a movie Wow

[1:42:51] that is a harsh thing to say I'm sorry you want to write down all the great

[1:42:56] movies JJ really like his Mission Impossible movie Mission Impossible 3 I

[1:43:05] like I like his Star Trek reboot the first one not so much the second one I

[1:43:10] like the first couple seasons of alias like great great movie and he's a

[1:43:16] talented pop filmmaker who gets a lot of shit from nerds on the Internet but he

[1:43:23] also does stuff like Rise of Skywalker so what I'm saying I'm not I'm not even

[1:43:28] saying he's necessarily bad but I'm not like he's not an exciting I don't think

[1:43:33] he's an exciting I'm just saying he's not the way that Ryan Johnson is an

[1:43:38] exciting artist who will bring something kind of new to the table that's all I'm

[1:43:42] just trying to say the thing that just threw me into Lee it threw into relief

[1:43:46] for me of the prequels is the prequels are goofy and they don't really work for

[1:43:49] me but the prequels are constantly even for all the things that rhyme with the

[1:43:55] with the old movies they're constantly throwing new things at you that you

[1:43:57] haven't seen and the story works in a different way than the first three

[1:44:00] movies and it's exciting to me that that was the disappointing thing to me

[1:44:04] about this one was it was like it's just not it's just not new stuff and then the

[1:44:09] last one was new stuff and two final things I want to say that I feel like

[1:44:13] for me the the final shot is like I don't I don't like necessarily dislike

[1:44:19] the final shot of the rise of Skywalker but I just kind of been worn down at

[1:44:23] that point I was pretty bummed but I feel like the final shot of the last

[1:44:28] Jedi to me is the final shot of this like trilogy like of a young kid

[1:44:34] swinging a little swinging a broom around like a lightsaber that's that's

[1:44:38] what's all about folks and you know what I've kind of predicted this when they

[1:44:42] first showed the trailer for cats and they had talked about how and and I

[1:44:48] realized that cats was going to be coming out right around the same time as

[1:44:51] the new Star Wars movie and in my heart I'm like why am I more excited to see

[1:44:56] cats than I am to see Star Wars and then spoiler alert to have that

[1:45:01] excitement pay off and be proved true because I just saw cats oh man it's

[1:45:07] crazy what a crazy world we live in but we'll talk more about cats next time we

[1:45:11] were well I mean I think maybe I think we can we can tea is that next time

[1:45:14] we'll be our first annual perhaps cat stacular well you didn't mention the

[1:45:22] annual part we're gonna have some special guests we're gonna have some

[1:45:29] real Hollywood insider talk about the premiere of cats I can almost guarantee

[1:45:35] this will be the most jellicle episode we've ever done it'll it'll break my

[1:45:42] jellicle app so I think stay tuned for our first annual cat stacular on the

[1:45:48] flophouse but uh yeah I think it is weird but I think that's I think that

[1:45:52] comes with the newness I'm talking about like cats is something you I assume you

[1:45:56] didn't see cats in the theaters I mean it catched on Broadway no I did when I

[1:46:00] was a kid oh you did oh yeah so maybe it wasn't as new there's a cuz I like the

[1:46:04] I never saw match the show so I'm excited to see them oh summer child I'll

[1:46:13] see you the next couple of days I guess I'm so excited to see it having no

[1:46:17] expectations other than that isn't gonna be crazy your only expectation is

[1:46:21] the way that Dan and Stuart are staring at you and whispering traits of

[1:46:27] jellicle Twitter dissension to madness I've done over the last day of just cats

[1:46:33] names I feel like I have not felt this from people since the time I almost took

[1:46:37] a Scientology stress test in a subway station and they were just like mmm come

[1:46:41] over here and we'll use some words you've never heard before and we're very

[1:46:44] passionate about them yeah and then just left you in a in a prison cell

[1:46:49] breaking a toilet next to Philip Seymour Hoffman all right I was as strong as

[1:46:55] crazy man walking in that movie but that's next time let's uh let's let's

[1:47:00] finally put a bow on this okay tie it all up a big laser bow just like J.C.

[1:47:06] Abramson this has been another episode of the Flophouse you know what a regular

[1:47:12] old episode it's a different episode than normal so I'm just gonna say like

[1:47:17] and subscribe or whatever whatever they say

[1:47:20] lichens those are the enemies of the vampires in the movie what's that called

[1:47:26] fungus lichens anyway so anyway please if you like this episode please review

[1:47:33] us on iTunes if you don't like the episodes the door is right over there

[1:47:38] sir please throw your phone into the ocean and save yourself tell people

[1:47:43] about us if you like us share stuff about us I don't know whatever to check

[1:47:47] out other podcasts on the Maximum Fun Network there might be talking about

[1:47:49] Rise of Skywalker too I don't know feel like it's on the tip of everybody's

[1:47:53] tongue everybody's long bib fortuna tongue anyway though for the Flophouse

[1:47:59] I've been Dan McCoy I've been Stuart Wellington moseying on off to the

[1:48:05] sunset bringing back that Western thing from the beginning of the episode well

[1:48:09] I'm Ellie Kaelin hitting the trails and saying I can't wait to talk about sure

[1:48:14] you wanna sure you want to hit the trails with that a rumbling belly ears

[1:48:17] maybe you want to head over into Dan's little restaurant over by the Cracklin

[1:48:21] Creek heard Dan's Cracklin Creek cafe does have the best night catfish winter

[1:48:27] solstice night caught winter solstice catfish you know it takes a brave man to

[1:48:33] go out at night and pull those catfish from that freezing Cracklin Creek and

[1:48:36] fry them up for us hungry cowhands see you next time everybody bye

[1:48:52] you look for a moment like a baby who had had a thing that they didn't like

[1:48:57] need but they were just sad to go look at my son's face all the time

[1:49:10] maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

Ep. #301 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Transcript

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