Ep. #301 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, a very special Flophouse in theaters, we discuss Star Wars Rise of Skywalker.

S5

[0:12] Stuart gives it two thumbs somewhere.

[0:15] Oh man, you don't want to know.

Stuart Wellington

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:48] Oh, hey there Dan, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:51] That was a little bit of a cowboy.

[0:52] Oh, hey there Dan.

[0:54] Oh, let's mosey on over to this cantina.

Dan McCoy

[0:58] Well, as the sun goes down over Flophouse Town.

[1:03] That's really the first thing you can think of?

[1:05] We ambled on down to the Catfish Creek to catch ourselves dinner.

[1:10] I mean, we should have caught dinner before the sun went down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13] It's going to be more difficult doing night fishing, but you know what?

[1:16] Nothing tastes better than a 1 a.m. meal.

S5

[1:18] I mean, the hard part's going to be building the fire when it's dark out.

[1:22] Well, I mean, the question is what time of year is it?

[1:24] It's called the fourth meal over at Taco Bell.

[1:26] I mean, if it's near the solstice, the winter solstice is it is right now.

[1:29] You're right, Dan.

[1:29] It's late in the year, so it gets darker earlier.

[1:32] Who wants to eat dinner at 3 p.m. out on the range?

[1:36] I'm Elliot Kalin, by the way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37] Though, to quote my father, at 3 p.m. there's less of a crowd, so the restaurant's better, obviously.

[1:44] You're right.

S5

[1:44] The river, it's easier to get a table by the river with a catfisher and jumping.

[1:50] Would you call it a crick earlier?

Dan McCoy

[1:52] Yep.

[1:53] A crackling crick.

[1:54] Okay, let's...

[1:55] Wait, the crick is crackling?

[1:57] It's crack-a-lack-lack-lack.

[2:00] And that would be the moment when the sheriff shoots you.

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] I don't want to unpack-a-lack that joke, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[2:08] So we're all together here in my suddenly very hot apartment.

Elliott Kalan

[2:13] Yeah, we're all together now, all together now, on this episode of The Flophouse.

[2:19] And it's kind of impromptu, so we don't have it planned the way we normally do.

Dan McCoy

[2:24] Yeah, this is going to be a slightly different episode of The Flophouse, number one.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] Yeah, we're trying things out, you know, mixing it up.

Dan McCoy

[2:30] I guess.

[2:31] Or maybe it's just that we sort of threw this together at the last minute because Elliot was going to be in town.

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] I was in town for my cousin's wedding, and it all happened to be...

Dan McCoy

[2:39] Well, you are in town currently.

[2:40] I know you're speaking to the listener.

Elliott Kalan

[2:42] I mean, when this episode's released, I may still be in town.

Stuart Wellington

[2:44] Do you think my cousin's wedding was the play and sequel for My Cousin Vinny?

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] Do I think that?

[2:50] Yeah, when we finally see Vinny...

[2:51] Yeah, if you ever think that.

[2:52] When we finally see Vinny get married to Marissa Tomei, but here's the thing.

[2:55] This time, Vinny's in jail.

[2:58] And Marissa Tomei has to argue the case to get him out.

[3:01] Because only a fool would represent himself in court.

[3:04] And Vinny is no fool, as seen in My Cousin Vinny, in which that fast-talking New York wise guy...

[3:10] Not actually a wise guy, but you know what I mean.

[3:12] He manages to pull one over on those smooth southern slicksters.

[3:17] Yeah.

[3:18] He seems so nice.

[3:19] Wait, wait, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[3:20] They're slick southerners?

Dan McCoy

[3:21] Well, the lawyer is.

[3:22] Oh, okay.

[3:23] Vinny seems so nice in that movie.

[3:25] But then I saw The Irishman recently, and I don't know what time happened to him, but he was really mean to people.

Stuart Wellington

[3:30] Well, I mean, I wouldn't describe him as not nice.

S5

[3:34] He wants to be friends with The Irishman's daughter really badly, you know?

[3:39] And obviously, being spurned in the friendship of a kid...

Dan McCoy

[3:42] He's relatively patient with Al Pacino, considering.

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] And he's very wrinkly at one point.

[3:49] They're all very wrinkly.

S5

[3:51] The Irishman is the movie where I spent the first 40 minutes being like, how old is Robert De Niro supposed to be?

[3:57] Because he looks like he's in his 50s, but they're all calling him the kid, and he just got back from the war.

Stuart Wellington

[4:02] Yeah, there's that bit where he beats up that shopkeeper, and he curb stumps him, and it's the fagest thing I've ever seen.

S5

[4:10] He's worried that his corset's going to pop if he lifts his leg too high.

Dan McCoy

[4:13] Well, we've derailed ourselves almost immediately.

[4:16] We're talking about The Irishman, right?

[4:17] The point is, all right, number one...

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] Also, Robert De Niro, I think, is Italian.

[4:22] Wait, what?

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] Hold on.

[4:24] I think you need to look at the Chiron again.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] Good point.

[4:28] Number one, this episode is going to be slightly different, because we sort of threw it together, because Elliot's in town.

[4:33] Number two, we're...

Elliott Kalan

[4:33] And we realized we had all seen the same movie.

Dan McCoy

[4:36] Yes, we're talking about Rise of Skywalker, because we all have thoughts about it.

[4:43] Everyone rises.

Elliott Kalan

[4:44] Dark Nights, Planet of the Apes, eventually Skywalker was going to...

[4:48] You know what?

Dan McCoy

[4:48] Normally, we don't see movies in theaters, but...

[4:51] Well, we do, but not for the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] We frequently...

[4:54] Well, you guys frequently see movies in theaters.

[4:55] I do not normally see them, because it's hard for me to get out at night.

Stuart Wellington

[4:58] Yeah, I mean, there was a moment in life...

[5:01] It's like in a video game, where an NPC gave me an option.

[5:05] I had two options.

[5:05] I could go see movies, or I could have children.

Elliott Kalan

[5:09] And I chose option A.

[5:10] Yeah.

[5:11] There are times when I wonder if I made the wrong choice.

[5:14] Then I see those sweet little boys' faces, and I go, aww.

[5:16] I see sweet little boys on the silver screen.

[5:18] They're similar things.

[5:19] Both are very, very popular choices.

[5:22] I mean, you could go see Jojo Rabbit and see someone who looks just like my son on the

[5:26] movie screen.

[5:27] You could also see a good movie.

[5:29] Whoa!

[5:30] Oh!

[5:31] Oh!

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] I hope Taika Waititi doesn't listen to this, right?

Dan McCoy

[5:33] No, he's never going to listen to this.

[5:34] He's very cool.

[5:35] He's too busy and cool.

[5:36] Yeah, we all like you, Taika.

[5:38] But the other thing...

[5:40] Danny's not listening.

[5:41] That sounded much more dismissive than I mentioned.

[5:41] Somehow that was much worse than Dan being legitimately afraid that he would hear it.

S5

[5:45] But then Stuart, I'm sorry.

[5:46] I called you the other.

Dan McCoy

[5:47] The other thing is, like, I don't know.

[5:50] Maybe we'll do some of our other regular segments, but maybe we won't in this episode.

[5:55] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[5:55] Keep them guessing.

[5:56] So think of this as a Flophouse after dark, because it is after dark, because it's near

[6:00] the solstice, the winter solstice.

[6:01] You're really hitting that solstice hard.

[6:03] Really dating the episode, Dan.

S5

[6:05] So this is going to be released, at the very least, a week after the solstice.

Dan McCoy

[6:10] I mean, the solstice already...

[6:11] What is it?

[6:12] The 21st of December?

[6:13] Why are you looking at me?

[6:14] You're a pagan.

[6:16] Because you're a calendar man, Stu.

S5

[6:18] Oh, sorry.

[6:19] I shouldn't have revealed that.

[6:20] Batman, don't...

[6:21] Batman's been listening this whole time.

[6:22] I hope Batman's not listening.

[6:23] We love you, Bats.

[6:24] It's okay.

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] Who's Batman?

[6:26] Yeah, it was...

[6:26] Who's Batman's tech person?

[6:28] It was the 21st.

[6:28] Is it like radio or...

Elliott Kalan

[6:30] It's not microchip, because that's...

[6:33] It's Oracle, the tech person, or just like a research assistant?

Stuart Wellington

[6:36] Dan, who's Batman's tech person?

[6:38] The Geek Squad?

Elliott Kalan

[6:39] The one...

[6:40] Morgan Freeman?

Dan McCoy

[6:41] Morgan Freeman.

[6:42] Let me check the...

[6:44] Oh, Lucius Fox.

Stuart Wellington

[6:44] Okay, Lucius Fox, yeah.

[6:46] Okay.

[6:46] So the...

[6:47] We've had a lot of fun here, but we're not talking about DC Comics character, the Batman.

[6:51] We're going to talk about the Irishman.

[6:53] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[6:54] He's the superhero who has the power of the Irish, which means he's lucky, which means

[6:58] he's long shot.

Stuart Wellington

[6:59] Before we move on, I'll say...

[7:00] And Domino.

[7:01] I'm impressed that, you know, we've had a lot of laughs at the expense of the Irishman's

[7:04] wacky digital effects.

[7:05] But you know what?

[7:06] It manages to still be really good despite those things, or possibly because of those things.

Elliott Kalan

[7:10] Well, the Irishman is to me, and then we'll get into what the movie is, it's like when

[7:14] you see a band live, and you're like, I love this band, I love this song, and the band

[7:18] is like, you know what?

[7:19] We've been playing this song for 30 years.

[7:21] We're going to do kind of like a loose jam version of this song.

[7:24] And you're like, you know what?

[7:25] If this had been the first version I ever heard, I don't think it would have been my

[7:28] favorite, but I love seeing them playing around and having fun with this thing that they

[7:32] do so well.

[7:32] And that to me is the Irishman, and Martin Scorsese is like, I've done this story before,

[7:37] I'm going to do the kind of thing where I play around with it, and I just take my time with

[7:41] it, and I do things that normally I would cut out, because I'm trying to make this movie

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] punchy.

[7:46] Like a scene where two characters talk about serial preferences.

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] Yeah, well, frankly, my favorite parts are the fact that Joe Pesci cannot become friends

[7:56] with Rob De Niro's daughter, and Jimmy Hoffa so naturally becomes friends with Rob De Niro's

S5

[7:59] daughter, and I'm like, I want to see a movie about that, about these two.

[8:02] These corrupt guys are fighting over the friendship of this adolescent girl, and there's nothing

Elliott Kalan

[8:07] creepy about it.

[8:09] It's literally just that this girl is, they just want the thing that childless old men

[8:14] have, where they're like, oh, I need the life that comes from being around a young person.

[8:17] You guys will know what it's like.

[8:18] Anyway, eventually.

Stuart Wellington

[8:20] Wait, does that make me Hoffa or Joe Pesci?

[8:24] Look, everyone decides whether to be a Hoffa or a Pesci.

Dan McCoy

[8:27] Look, between the two of us, I think we both know who a child would naturally find warm

[8:32] and approachable.

Elliott Kalan

[8:35] I don't know, Dan.

[8:36] I would refer you to, again, when you would come over for dinner and you and Sammy would

[8:39] watch the Muppets together.

[8:40] That's true.

[8:41] But the...

[8:42] Well, your son is a very special child.

[8:44] Yeah.

[8:45] Hey, what's this supposed to be?

Stuart Wellington

[8:46] Whereas I might be cool, put on Mr. Freeze costume, blast ice all over the place.

[8:52] Whoa.

[8:54] This is my apartment, Stuart.

[8:56] Not anymore.

[8:56] It defrosts us all over the place.

[8:57] Okay, it'll melt.

[8:58] It'll melt, Dan.

[8:59] It'll melt.

S5

[8:59] Then the water damage?

[9:00] Yeah, well, that you'll have to deal with, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[9:02] Yeah, that's one thing that Batman doesn't really talk about, is the water damage caused

[9:06] by Mr. Freeze's bullshit.

[9:07] And that's the real crime.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] Yeah.

[9:09] So I guess what I'm saying is I wish the Irishman was called the Irishman's daughter.

[9:12] And it was just these two old gangsters fighting over the friendship of this kid.

[9:16] But okay, it's the jam band version.

[9:18] Okay, but we heard talk about Star Wars, The Rise of Skywalker.

[9:21] The possibly final chapter in the Star Wars saga.

[9:25] Of course, we know it won't be.

[9:27] There's money to be made.

[9:28] According to a word on the street, it was a huge financial flop, right?

Dan McCoy

[9:32] What?

[9:34] I mean, it did make the least of the three new movies.

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] But it's also like, one, I'm sure it was disappointing to them, but also, I remember when The Last

[9:42] Jedi came out, and they were like, didn't do the business that Force Awakens did.

[9:47] Looks like Star Wars is slipping.

[9:48] I was like, yeah, dude, Force Awakens was the first new Star Wars movie in, what, 15 years?

[9:52] Yeah.

[9:53] Of releasing another movie a year or two later, of course it's not going to be as exciting,

[9:56] and people aren't going to rush out to see it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] I don't like Han Solo's in that shit, dude.

[9:59] People love him.

Elliott Kalan

[10:01] People do love Han Solo.

[10:03] Once Han Solo.

[10:04] Except for Harrison Ford.

[10:05] They like Han Solo when it's Harrison Ford.

[10:09] Yeah.

[10:09] Because when it's someone else playing Han Solo, people are not quite so eager to see the

[10:13] adventures of Han Solo.

Dan McCoy

[10:15] This guy kind of is Han Solo.

[10:19] He can't just slot another dude in.

[10:22] It's like when they tried to make all those Pink Panther movies without Peter Sellers.

S5

[10:27] The thing about the Pink Panthers, he's a mythic character.

[10:30] Anyone can play him.

[10:31] He's like Odysseus.

[10:32] He has many masks.

[10:33] And it's like, no, it's pretty much just Peter Sellers.

Dan McCoy

[10:35] Now, I know that, I mean, people are going to write in.

[10:39] Elliot knows that the character's, in fact, called Inspector Clouseau.

[10:43] Yes.

[10:43] Pink Panther was the diamond.

Elliott Kalan

[10:44] The diamond that was stolen by, what's David Niven's character?

[10:48] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[10:48] But I've only watched that one once because it's actually one of the less funny ones.

[10:53] The first one.

Elliott Kalan

[10:54] I reached a certain age where I stopped caring whether Frankenstein was the Doctor or the

[10:58] monster.

[10:58] I'm just going to call Clouseau's character the Pink Panther since he essentially became

[11:02] that.

[11:02] The same way, I know Nick Charles is not the thin man.

[11:05] The thin man is the man he is looking for who's disappeared.

[11:08] But by the second movie, it's like, look, we're just going to start talking about him as if

[11:12] he's the thin man.

[11:13] Come on.

[11:13] So, Peter Sellers.

[11:15] There's no reason to call those movies the Pink Panther if it's not Peter Sellers because

[11:18] the diamond is no longer a plot point.

Stuart Wellington

[11:20] David Niven is the bad guy in Time Bandits, right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:24] No.

[11:25] That's Ralph.

[11:26] That's, that's, that's, why am I forgetting his name?

Dan McCoy

[11:29] For a second, you said we're going to say Ralph Richardson's a complete god.

Elliott Kalan

[11:33] It's, I don't remember.

[11:35] Googling it right now.

[11:36] Look it up.

[11:37] David Warner?

[11:38] Yes, it's David Warner.

[11:39] God damn it.

[11:39] Who is much younger than David Niven.

[11:41] Okay, well, that was a fun trip.

[11:43] David Niven is from the golden age of Hollywood.

[11:45] David Warner is from later on.

[11:47] Anyway, so the Rise of Skywalker.

[11:48] So guys, we're going to get into it.

[11:50] It's like I'm avoiding talking about this movie.

[11:53] So basically, here's what you need to know about the plot of the Rise of Skywalker.

[11:56] The Emperor is back somehow.

[11:58] That's how it's explained in the movie.

[11:59] The Emperor came back somehow.

[12:01] And he's like.

[12:02] Sometimes they come back.

[12:03] So going into this one, we're all like Star Wars freaks, right?

[12:08] I mean, it's weird what kind.

[12:10] Knowing that Star Wars is a wholly corporate-owned entity.

[12:15] And it exists at this point to make money and not because it's expressing the vision of an artist.

[12:20] Yeah.

[12:21] I still have such a strong emotional connection with it.

[12:24] And I'm still, I watched the first, I was very excited to watch the first movies with my son finally.

[12:28] And watching them, I'm like, these still cast a spell over me.

[12:31] And it's still amazing to me that so much of this came out of George Lucas' mind combining different disparate elements into a story that is, you know, phenomenally entertaining and, like, moving in a way that is not necessarily meant to be.

[12:46] And that is beautiful in some ways and gave all these other people the opportunity to exercise their craft in really fantastic ways.

Stuart Wellington

[12:54] And it's also, there are also movies that, like, I feel like for the, like, you can look at most of them and find, like, cast a critical eye on them and try and pick apart details.

[13:04] But at this point, I have no control over my emotional attachment.

[13:08] Like, I have seen every single Star Wars movie and I have left the movie theater not disappointed.

[13:16] That includes the prequels.

[13:17] I can't control it.

[13:19] Like, I can be like, this was dumb and silly, but I wasn't mad.

[13:24] Yeah.

[13:24] But when you left this one, how did you feel?

[13:26] I felt very unhappy.

Elliott Kalan

[13:27] So I think Dan and I and you, we form a spectrum where you were very unhappy about it.

[13:32] Yeah.

[13:33] Dan was like, eh, Star Wars, what you gonna do?

[13:35] I'm kind of in the middle where I'm like, I think I'm not, if I was younger, I'd be mad.

[13:41] But instead, I'm just kind of like, you know what, I'm not angry.

[13:43] I'm just disappointed.

Stuart Wellington

[13:44] I'm disappointed.

[13:45] Yeah.

[13:45] So mature of you.

[13:46] Well, that's, I raged and tore at my hair and garments.

[13:50] Well, if only.

[13:50] Which was a cool Darth Maul all over print t-shirt.

[13:53] Yeah.

[13:55] I don't know why I had to say cool.

[13:57] I think you guys have seen that.

Elliott Kalan

[13:58] But then you say, it's redundant to say cool Darth Maul all over print t-shirt.

[14:03] That it's like, oh, you were handed the reins, all the people involved.

[14:06] And it's easy to put this at the feet of one person, but a lot of people were involved.

[14:09] You were handed the reins of like, this really, this, it is a franchise, but it's a special

[14:14] thing that holds a special place in people's hearts.

[14:16] Yeah.

[14:16] And you were like, uh, I guess we'll just do it again.

[14:20] Yeah.

[14:21] But we'll make it into like a scavenger hunt for magic objects.

[14:24] Yeah.

[14:25] But Star Wars has never been.

Dan McCoy

[14:26] We'll get into that.

[14:27] I just like, there's a very MacGuffin based Star Wars movie.

S5

[14:30] The fact that they have to find a magic dagger so they can read an inscription on the dagger

[14:34] to find the Wayfinder so that they can use the Wayfinder to find the evil planet where

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] the Emperor has his huge fleet of ships that he built somehow.

Stuart Wellington

[14:40] It's a point and click adventure, Elliot.

[14:42] It does feel like a point and click adventure.

[14:43] The fleet of Star Destroyers that all grew giant planet destroying dicks.

Elliott Kalan

[14:47] That are easily destroyed by just shooting them with B-wings and A-wings.

[14:53] It's like if, it's like if in the first movie, Luke, and we'll get into the plot briefly,

[14:57] but it's like if the first movie, Luke and Han went to the Death Star.

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] I love that you're mad how easily they blew up.

[15:02] You're like, their armor rating is much higher than the attack.

Elliott Kalan

[15:05] Well, no, because they were built up as this enormous threat and then it's just like,

[15:08] oh, a couple shots just takes it out when it's time for them to be taken out.

[15:11] But if Luke and Han went to the Death Star and they went to the cell block and they

[15:16] opened the door and there's a fucking mushroom man and he said,

[15:19] the princess is in another Death Star.

[15:20] Here's a clue that'll help you find that.

S5

[15:22] The fact that in this movie they're like, we have to find the clue to the Wayfinder

[15:26] without any sense of how ridiculous that is.

Dan McCoy

[15:28] Well, I mean like, not to jump way ahead in the movie,

[15:30] but like the most egregious example of that is when they go and like to the ruins of like

[15:37] the old Death Star off in the ocean of some planet and they pull out the dagger

[15:42] and the side of it, the grooves match up with the destroyed Death Star.

[15:47] And I'm like, okay, well, who did this at what point and why?

Elliott Kalan

[15:51] Did it match up with the Death Star or was it like a mountain or something like that?

Stuart Wellington

[15:54] No, it matched up with the Death Star.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] It was like the circle part of the Death Star room.

[15:58] Well, I mean, it was a dagger that was held by this super tough bounty hunter everyone was afraid of

[16:03] who also had the goofiest, doofiest robot sidekick.

[16:07] Just the fact that they're like, we're introducing a new robot.

[16:09] By the way, he looks like he's made out of shit and he has no personality and he bumps into things.

[16:14] I was like, what the fuck is this?

Dan McCoy

[16:15] Let's not bad mouth the best thing in the movie.

S5

[16:17] Oh, Bob and Rick?

[16:19] The best thing in the movie is the chimp blacksmith who welds Kylo Ren's mask back together.

[16:25] And I was like, more of this, please.

Stuart Wellington

[16:27] Like the craziest thing is that he's just a normal chimp.

S5

[16:30] Yes, this is like just a regular chimp that they trained to do this.

[16:34] Because here's the thing about chimps.

Dan McCoy

[16:38] Finally, after 300 episodes, we're finally getting to the thing about chimps.

Elliott Kalan

[16:43] And this is something that I just learned this year.

[16:45] Chimps, you can teach them how to smoke cigarettes.

[16:48] Okay.

[16:49] But then you don't have to.

[16:51] But try and get them to stop.

[16:52] And then you can get them to do anything.

[16:58] Because the trick is they don't have the right thumbs to light a lighter.

[17:01] So they need you to light that cigarette.

[17:03] So it's not that they're trained to smoke cigarettes.

[17:05] It's that you can train them to do anything else you want.

[17:07] So as long as you keep supplying them with smokes.

Dan McCoy

[17:10] Sorry for laughing because that's one of the worst things I've ever heard.

[17:13] Oh, it's terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[17:14] But almost as terrible as learning that all the First Order stormtroopers who are massacred en masse

[17:19] were kidnapped as children and abused and forced to become stormtroopers.

Stuart Wellington

[17:23] Yeah, I mean, it's so crazy that J.J. Abrams, who put together the first movie and then is doing the final movie,

[17:32] that he introduced Finn, who is a stormtrooper who we find out is enslaved and forced to become a stormtrooper,

[17:39] like a child soldier.

[17:40] Yeah.

[17:41] And he breaks himself free.

[17:43] And his arc was not to liberate them in like a revolution.

[17:47] It's for him to go and blow them all up.

[17:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] And well, that's the, I mean, this, the story for this was also partly based on the Colin Trevorrow movie that didn't get made, it seems.

[17:56] And as we know from the book of Henry, he has some interesting ideas about childhood and like how children are supposed to be done anything with.

[18:03] But just that like, it puts such a weird cast on the movie.

[18:07] And again, jumping ahead, that the main character is struggling with whether or not to kill the evilest man in the universe

[18:14] who can shoot spaceship destroying lightning out of his hands.

S5

[18:18] That's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[18:19] What was going on there?

[18:20] But people who are forced to become soldiers, it's like, kill them all.

[18:23] Just kill them all.

[18:24] Wipe them out.

[18:25] Exterminate them.

[18:25] Like, it made me really like feel gross about Star Wars in general.

[18:29] But okay, but like.

Stuart Wellington

[18:30] How was he shooting so much lighting?

[18:31] Was it because he was hooked up to that Hellraiser 2 thing?

Elliott Kalan

[18:33] Because he drained.

[18:34] Oh, he drained the power of the dyad.

[18:36] Because Kylo Ren and Rey have a special friendship.

[18:39] Oh, yeah.

[18:40] They're the way when you're, when you have a.

Dan McCoy

[18:41] They have a special relationship like we do with Great Britain.

[18:45] Oh, okay.

[18:45] And he drained that.

Elliott Kalan

[18:46] So anyway, here's the, here's the plot very quickly.

[18:49] The Emperor's back.

[18:49] How'd he do it?

[18:50] He's got magic powers.

[18:51] He just did it.

[18:52] He's got a planet of Sith that just sit around in cloaks.

[18:55] In a stadium waiting for him to become all powerful.

[18:58] And he's attached to like a big metal gantry like Cameron Hodge in Genosha.

[19:02] But the thing is like.

Dan McCoy

[19:03] It's like the wait means it's going to be so good when something happens.

Elliott Kalan

[19:07] Yeah.

[19:08] It's tantric worship, I guess.

[19:09] Yeah.

[19:10] And the, and he tells Kylo Ren, hey, I want you to bring Rey to me.

[19:14] Ha, ha, ha.

[19:15] There's, there's a secret.

[19:16] Blah, blah, blah.

[19:16] And instantly you're like, oh, is he like her dad or a grandpa or something?

[19:20] Because that would be dumb.

[19:21] But I guess that's exactly what it is.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:23] To find this secret Sith planet, you need a Wayfinder, which is a magic Triforce type of triangle.

[19:29] So the heroes of the movie have to find this Wayfinder, which means finding a magic dagger, which means finding, so they can find the, which has inscribed on it the information where the Wayfinder is.

[19:38] And then they find the Wayfinder.

Stuart Wellington

[19:39] So they're also over the part where Rey uses her magic powers to heal the angry snake.

Elliott Kalan

[19:44] No.

[19:44] Well, because to get the dagger, they've got to go to a desert planet that is not Tatooine or Jakku.

[19:49] It's a different desert planet.

[19:50] Okay.

[19:50] Where there is some kind of Burning Man alien worship ceremony, which was one of the few things in the movie where it was like, okay, this is great.

[19:57] This is something I've never seen in Star Wars before.

[19:58] And they leave it very quickly after a little girl gives Rey a lei and asks her her family name.

[20:04] And she says, oh, I don't have one.

Stuart Wellington

[20:06] I was really hoping that little girl was going to ask for money.

Elliott Kalan

[20:09] And Rey then heals a sandworm that is wounded.

[20:13] And I was like, okay.

[20:13] Wait, were there already?

[20:14] I spaced out all of a sudden and we're in the middle of the movie.

[20:16] We skipped a lot.

S5

[20:17] But the reason I like the sandworm was like, oh, they did manage to get some dune in this Star Wars.

[20:22] She should be riding that sandworm.

Elliott Kalan

[20:23] Also, Poe used to be a spice trader, apparently.

[20:26] Well, but they're all spice traders.

[20:27] Like Han was a spice.

[20:28] That was the whole thing that got him in trouble with Jabba, was he dumped a shipment of spice, right?

Dan McCoy

[20:33] Was it specifically spice?

[20:34] I thought they just talked about, like, you know, Jabba doesn't have time for someone who dumps his cargo.

[20:39] But the first sign of...

Elliott Kalan

[20:40] Maybe it was in an extended universe that they called it spice.

[20:43] Could be.

[20:44] Maybe it was subscriptions to the spice network.

[20:47] Oh, boy.

[20:48] Anyway, so...

[20:49] That is important to the universe.

[20:50] The thing is, I didn't take notes while watching this movie because I just watched it for fun zones.

[20:53] Yeah, sure.

[20:54] So it's going to be this...

[20:54] Oh, also...

Dan McCoy

[20:55] This is a classic Flophouse screw around.

[20:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:59] General Princess Leia also tells Rey with some very generic lines of dialogue that were clearly recorded before Carrie Fisher died.

[21:08] Yeah.

[21:08] And were then inserted into the movie that she needs to go off and do her thing.

[21:12] Yeah.

[21:12] Like, it's all...

Dan McCoy

[21:13] I was easier on the movie than I think either of you.

[21:16] But this was, like, the first huge warning sign to me.

[21:19] Just, like, having Carrie Fisher stand around.

[21:22] Like, obviously superimposed.

[21:24] Saying, like, whatever loose lines they had.

[21:27] And, like, okay, let's write around these.

Elliott Kalan

[21:28] It really shows you how much Star Wars dialogue out of context is just, like, generic random gibberish.

[21:35] Mm-hmm.

[21:35] Like, that...

[21:36] You could take Yoda saying, you know, do or do not.

[21:38] There is no try.

[21:39] And insert it into any scene.

[21:40] And it, like, you're like, oh, yeah.

[21:42] A lot of the Force philosophy stuff is just kind of like...

Dan McCoy

[21:45] Listeners, go ahead and do that.

[21:47] Take that dialogue and insert it into any scene.

[21:49] But in any scene.

[21:49] From any movie.

[21:50] I would love to see that.

Elliott Kalan

[21:51] So I'll try to go.

[21:52] So General Leia is like, you gotta find...

[21:55] We also have a spy.

[21:56] You got a friend in me.

S5

[21:57] There's a spy.

[21:58] You got her.

[21:58] Then she's like, Randy Newman medley.

[22:01] Which is, I mean, fine, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[22:03] I mean, most of it's pretty good.

[22:04] I think short people didn't age well, even if it was a joke at the time.

[22:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:07] I mean, even I love L.A.

[22:08] Because L.A. has changed quite so much over the period.

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] So, yeah, you don't know if he still loves L.A.

[22:13] or if that relationship's cooled a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[22:15] Yeah, exactly.

[22:16] And so...

[22:17] But there's a spy in the First Order who's telling them all this stuff.

[22:19] The Emperor's back.

[22:20] I wonder who it could be.

Stuart Wellington

[22:21] Is it the Emperor?

[22:21] Is it Kylo Ren?

[22:22] Who knows?

Elliott Kalan

[22:23] It has to be one of the three speaking characters.

[22:26] So it's either the Emperor, Kylo Ren,

[22:28] Hux, or Richard E. Grant as new bad guy who's always been there.

[22:33] And the Emperor's like, oh, I've always been around.

[22:35] Snoke was just my puppet.

[22:36] And I'm like, well, Snoke was less a puppet than a crappy CGI effect.

[22:40] So...

[22:40] I did think it...

Stuart Wellington

[22:41] Not crappy, I should say.

[22:42] Leaping back and forth, but...

[22:44] Andy Serkis is listening right now.

[22:46] He's super mad at you.

Elliott Kalan

[22:46] And the performance is not the problem with Snoke.

[22:48] The problem is that there was no reason for that to be a CGI character in the first place.

[22:51] Well, but I...

Stuart Wellington

[22:52] That's arguably true.

[22:52] I also...

[22:53] Except his face was really gross, right?

[22:56] That's the thing.

S5

[22:57] Because there's never been a gross character with practical effects.

Stuart Wellington

[22:59] You can see the inside part, even though you're looking at the outside like he's Jonah Hex.

Dan McCoy

[23:04] Here's the thing.

[23:05] Like...

[23:06] Okay.

[23:06] Defend Snoke.

[23:07] No, I'm not.

[23:08] I'm not going to.

[23:08] I'm just going to say, like, the...

[23:10] So, obviously we're in Star Wars.

[23:13] Yeah, obviously.

[23:14] A world full of...

[23:16] I'd say a galaxy.

[23:17] A galaxy.

[23:18] A galaxy full of great, crazy aliens.

[23:21] Interesting stuff to see.

[23:23] Yeah, Kraylians, we call them.

[23:24] Crazy aliens.

[23:26] Crayola Kraylians.

[23:27] Craisins.

[23:27] Raisins that are crazy somehow.

[23:28] They have raisins, craisins, raisinettes.

[23:31] But the thing is, like, you got these great aliens, right?

[23:34] But, like, Palpatine is not one of them.

[23:35] Yeah, Kraylians, we call them.

[23:37] Great aliens.

[23:37] Palpatine looks like an earthling, even though he comes from whatever planet.

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] Palpatine looks like the elephant man got a little bit of work done.

Dan McCoy

[23:45] Well, no, but he's, like...

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] He's, like, a normal...

[23:47] Not all the work done.

Dan McCoy

[23:48] He's a normal man who, like, Dorian Gray style has gotten super, like, gross because he's evil, right?

Stuart Wellington

[23:54] I'm pretty sure because Mace Windu reflected his force lightning into his face.

[23:58] That's when his face got all wacky.

S5

[23:59] That was one of the funnier parts of the prequels to me, where they were like, wait, you feel like you have to explain how he got old?

[24:04] Yeah, I love that.

[24:05] That it wasn't the ravages of time?

[24:07] But I just think it's funny...

[24:08] That's a good one.

[24:09] When they, like, when they reveal that Snoke is a puppet, like, it's, like...

Dan McCoy

[24:13] And then later on, on the planet, there's, like, these tubes full of, like, cloned Snoke.

[24:19] Like, we're at the end of Alien Resurrection.

[24:21] And I'm like, okay, that's fun because it reminds me of how weird Alien Resurrection was.

[24:25] But, like, why is Palpatine, like, cloning this made-up Snoke character as, like, a non...

[24:32] Like, this other alien who's not...

[24:34] Doesn't look like him.

[24:35] It's very confusing to me.

[24:37] Yeah.

[24:37] It doesn't...

Stuart Wellington

[24:37] It's because it's dumb.

[24:39] Bring Palpatine back's dumb.

[24:40] It's a dumb idea.

S5

[24:41] Since Palpatine could essentially just...

[24:42] Snoke could have just been Palpatine with his cloak off.

[24:45] Yes.

[24:45] And, like, why...

[24:46] I don't understand.

[24:46] Or normal-looking Palpatine.

Dan McCoy

[24:47] No one would...

[24:48] Like, if he was, like, normal, pretty, like, weird Palpatine...

Elliott Kalan

[24:50] How many people saw the Emperor?

[24:51] Was he appearing in ads?

Stuart Wellington

[24:53] They didn't even say his name was Palpatine in the original three movies.

[24:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] Because he was, you know, because it's a dumb name.

[24:58] So, anyway...

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] They certainly don't call him Sheev at any point.

S5

[25:03] Which is his first name.

[25:04] Well, also, the revelation later on that...

[25:06] Only friends.

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] The revelation that Palpatine had a family, which is also kind of crazy.

[25:11] Uh-huh.

[25:12] But, uh, so...

[25:13] So, this spy is telling them that Palpatine's back somehow.

[25:17] As Poe says to the rebels, Palpatine's back somehow.

[25:20] And the...

Dan McCoy

[25:20] Palpatine's back, all right, he says.

S5

[25:25] Everybody, you've got to rock your body.

[25:27] Palpatine's back.

[25:28] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[25:29] Uh, so, they're going to go on a quest.

[25:31] Who's going to go on this mission?

[25:32] Oh, all our favorite heroes.

[25:34] Poe, Rey, Finn, C-3PO, Chewbacca.

S5

[25:37] Not so fast, R2-D2.

[25:39] Yes, you're arguably the most lovable character in the entire series.

[25:42] Uh-huh.

[25:42] But it's time for BB-8 to get in.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] I did feel kind of like...

[25:46] This was like, okay, this is another Grover-Elmo situation.

S5

[25:49] Exactly my thought.

[25:51] I was...

[25:51] When you're old enough and you're like, what the fuck's with all this Elmo stuff?

[25:55] Grover's the star, who's...

[25:57] Or, like...

Stuart Wellington

[25:57] And they're like, well, and somebody needs to take care of R2-D2.

[26:00] Rose, you stay back.

S5

[26:02] Rose, arguably the second most interesting character from the new movies.

[26:06] You stay over here.

[26:07] First most interesting character, of course, being that chimp, Blacksmith, that we see in the beginning fixing Kylo Ren's helmet.

Elliott Kalan

[26:11] But, like, that it was...

[26:13] Or, in the Muppets, where at the end...

[26:15] What's his name?

[26:16] Walter?

[26:16] Yes, Walter.

[26:17] Gets the freeze frame.

[26:18] Gets the freeze frame.

Dan McCoy

[26:18] And you're like, wait, Kermit's been here the whole fucking time.

[26:21] The glue that holds the Muppets together.

[26:23] Which also means that later...

Stuart Wellington

[26:24] I...

[26:24] You know, if I was ever responsible for this sort of thing, I don't think I would ever leave Dan alone in a room with Walter.

S5

[26:32] You just hear bang, and you run in, and Dan is shoving a gun into Walter's hand and going, I don't know, he said something about not being worthy.

[26:39] And he just shot himself in the head.

[26:44] Dan, why are there powder burns on your hands?

[26:46] Oh, well, I was wrestling with him with the gun to try to get him to stop.

[26:50] Why is there a knife in his back also with your fingerprints on it?

Stuart Wellington

[26:53] Why does the handle of the gun have a monogram, The Real McCoy, written on it?

Dan McCoy

[26:57] It's okay, we can re-stuff him.

[26:59] No, I threw the stuffing down the toilet.

S5

[27:02] It was what he wanted.

[27:03] In his last moments, he told me that was his last wish.

[27:07] Because that's the magic element that brings them up into life, is the stuffing.

Elliott Kalan

[27:11] So, they're going to go on this...

[27:13] But I was...

[27:14] That was the...

[27:14] When the Emperor turned back, I was like...

[27:17] Came back, I was like,

[27:19] All right, well, I'm not crazy about that.

[27:20] But what I really turned on the movie was when they said,

[27:23] R2-D2.

[27:24] Not so fast, buddy.

[27:25] Not for you, buddy.

[27:26] And it was like, did Kenny Baker ask for too much money?

[27:29] Like, I don't understand.

[27:30] So, they're going to go on this mission.

[27:32] And the fact that Chewbacca's with them means that later on...

[27:34] Wait, wait, hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[27:35] I feel like most likely what happened is that one commenter on Reddit was like,

[27:39] I don't like R2-D2 anymore.

[27:41] And J.J.'s like, okay.

[27:43] Okay, anything.

Dan McCoy

[27:44] Maybe as the most beloved character, R2 is the designated survivor.

[27:49] Okay, that's fair.

[27:50] That's fair.

S5

[27:51] R2 is in a safe location.

Dan McCoy

[27:52] No, R2, you need to stay here for future Star Wars adventures.

[27:56] Should we not come back?

Stuart Wellington

[27:57] That's also why when they finally reveal his voice, it's Kiefer Sutherland, right?

Dan McCoy

[28:00] Who is the most lovable lost voice?

Elliott Kalan

[28:04] Certainly the most lovable Sutherland.

[28:06] Donald, I respect you more.

[28:08] But you're hard to love.

[28:10] You're a little cold.

[28:12] So they go to Pasana.

[28:14] That's the planet where there's a big Burning Man party.

[28:18] And they are...

[28:19] Uh-oh.

[28:19] Some stormtroopers find them.

[28:20] But one of the stormtroopers gets shot with a crossbow bolt.

[28:23] Who could it be?

[28:24] A masked stranger who turns out to be...

[28:26] It's our old buddy Lando.

[28:28] And I'm just going to say this.

[28:29] It was exciting to see Billy Dee Williams again.

[28:31] But he is an old man.

[28:34] And so there's something about having all these older characters coming back.

[28:37] And there's a part at the end where I think Wedge shows up again in a fighter jet.

[28:41] And I was like, these guys are a little old to be.

[28:44] In a real world, they would not be on the front lines of this galactic battle.

Dan McCoy

[28:48] Now a little peek behind the scenes.

[28:50] This was the point of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:51] Now you were on the set when they shot this.

[28:53] I was on the set.

Dan McCoy

[28:55] And Billy Dee Williams was a perfect gentleman to me.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] I mean, he seems to be a delight, a treasure.

[29:00] I love his work.

[29:01] He's great.

[29:02] And when he's in the movie, it's like, I love having him around in the movie.

[29:06] But I kept thinking, oh, this isn't Lando.

[29:07] This is Billy Dee Williams.

[29:09] The same way as when, spoiler alert, Han Solo appears in a scene.

[29:13] And I was like, this is Harrison Ford.

[29:15] This is not Han Solo.

[29:15] That's true.

[29:16] They didn't feel like the characters to me.

Dan McCoy

[29:18] No, I just wanted to say, behind the scenes of me watching this.

[29:21] Oh, okay.

[29:22] So not really behind the scenes.

[29:23] Someone just in front of the screen.

[29:24] This was the moment that I had picked to run to the restroom.

[29:29] And when I came back...

[29:30] Because you were eating a chalupa during the first part of the movie.

[29:32] When I came back, my girlfriend, who has said...

[29:36] Just a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[29:38] Stop mentioning me on the podcast.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] No, she said...

[29:40] No, she said...

[29:41] She was like, Harvey Dent showed up for some reason?

[29:44] No, no.

[29:45] This is a side thing.

[29:47] I'm going to just call her by her name, which is Audrey from now on.

[29:49] Because she's like, you can use my name on the podcast.

[29:51] Originally, she was like, maybe some privacy.

[29:53] Now she's like...

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] She said to you, call me by your name.

[29:56] And you were like, Dan?

[29:57] They're not going to know if I'm talking about me or you.

Dan McCoy

[29:59] Well, we both realized that me referring to my girlfriend...

[30:01] That's a pretty top of a joke, Elliot.

[30:02] That's pretty good.

S5

[30:03] He's only had one movie since then, right?

[30:05] I mean, the author's only wrote a sequel since then.

[30:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:07] It was more that at age 41, me referring to my girlfriend made it sound like I was a high

[30:11] schooler pretending I had a girlfriend.

Stuart Wellington

[30:13] It was a lot like when Uncle Owen in Star Wars episode 2 Attack the Clones is like, hey, this

[30:18] is my girlfriend, Beru.

[30:20] And you're like, what the fuck?

Dan McCoy

[30:21] So girlfriend is the way you describe it?

[30:24] The point is, so I come back from the bathroom and I see that Lando is on screen.

[30:31] And she's like, you missed it.

[30:33] And I'm like, oh, you'll explain later.

[30:35] And then I ask, oh, after the movie, I'm like, oh, what happened when Lando showed up?

[30:40] And she's like, eh, you didn't miss anything.

Elliott Kalan

[30:43] Not really.

[30:44] So you saw it in the theaters?

[30:46] I did see it in the theaters.

[30:46] Because I watched the...

[30:47] I did not get to see it in the theaters due to various holiday scheduling difficulties.

[30:52] But luckily, as a Writers Guild Awards voter, I received a digital screener that was watermarked

[30:57] just for me, which meant my name, Elliot Kalin, was burned into the screen the entirety

S5

[31:02] of the movie.

[31:02] Oh, cool.

Dan McCoy

[31:03] Sort of like you were in Star Wars.

S5

[31:05] Finally.

[31:05] I was living my dream of being in Star Wars.

[31:07] But it had to be this Star War?

[31:09] Anyway.

[31:10] It was a monkey's paw situation.

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] So again, if it was the monkey's paw, by which I mean the chimp that was wielding that

[31:16] helmet together.

Elliott Kalan

[31:16] The monkey that reforged that piece of merch.

[31:18] The great ape's paw.

[31:20] So Lando saves them and is like, hey, the Wayfinder's probably over there.

[31:24] Oh, not the Wayfinder.

[31:25] The Wayfinder's probably at this place.

[31:26] You need to find this knife that belonged to an assassin named Ochi, right?

[31:31] And here's his ship and his droid.

[31:33] And what was the droid's name?

[31:34] The droid is like, it's like a traffic cone on a pole on top of a ball.

[31:39] Or like a wheel.

[31:40] Let's just call it Luxo Jr.

[31:42] Yeah.

[31:43] It did feel like it wandered out of a Pixar short.

[31:46] And the whole time I was like, this droid is weird.

[31:49] Like, I don't understand the purpose.

[31:50] And I kept waiting for the moment when this droid would like, have a plot purpose.

[31:54] Like it would reveal a piece of information.

[31:56] Or it would save someone at the last minute.

[31:58] Or it would kill someone at the last minute.

Dan McCoy

[31:59] It had a plot purpose eventually.

[32:01] What?

[32:01] I don't remember.

[32:02] Like it had the knowledge of a thing, right?

[32:04] Like it was like, oh.

[32:07] It knew where the thing was.

[32:09] I forget.

[32:10] Like the plot is so many MacGuffins.

[32:12] Let's see.

[32:12] Like we said earlier.

[32:13] It's like we lead to one thing.

[32:14] Oh, wait.

[32:15] We need another thing.

[32:16] Now we need a third thing.

[32:17] But like there was a point where like, oh, we don't know where whoever is.

[32:22] And the.

[32:22] Oh, that's right.

[32:23] And the droid is like.

[32:24] We got to talk to this droid.

[32:25] I think he's got something important to say.

Stuart Wellington

[32:27] So this is right around where like they sink in the quicksand.

[32:31] And Finn's like, hey, Ray, I got to tell you something.

[32:33] Oop.

[32:34] Yeah.

[32:34] And then we never find out what that is.

[32:36] No.

[32:37] I don't know if it.

[32:37] And then she battles some First Order dudes.

Elliott Kalan

[32:39] Oh, and she saves that sandworm.

[32:41] She heals.

[32:42] There's a wounded sandworm.

[32:43] That looks like it's going to attack them.

[32:44] But she uses the force.

[32:45] And this is important.

[32:46] We learn the force can heal people.

[32:49] Hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[32:49] I mean, I learned that the day before I watched it when I was watching The Mandalorian.

[32:52] And Baby Yoda used the same power.

[32:54] Well, I haven't seen The Mandalorian yet.

[32:55] But that's why they released that episode early.

[32:57] So fans wouldn't be like, this is bullshit.

Dan McCoy

[32:59] So the healing stuff is important to the plot.

[33:01] But I do also want to get into like a little bit of the background.

[33:05] Of the sandworm?

[33:06] No, of the like, I need to tell you.

[33:08] They make spice.

[33:08] I need to tell you something.

[33:10] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[33:10] Is this a real background of the movie?

Dan McCoy

[33:11] This is a real background.

[33:12] Or is this when you were watching the movie?

[33:13] Because like, okay, on the internet, if you look into this thing.

Stuart Wellington

[33:17] Like on Wookieepedia, Twitter?

Dan McCoy

[33:18] On Wookieepedia.

[33:19] Well, Twitter.

[33:21] What about Cookiepedia?

[33:22] Cookiepedia is about how cookies are now sometimes.

[33:25] Oh, man.

[33:27] Just bring the bottle over here, Stuart.

[33:29] And maybe like a bowl of ice.

[33:31] Yeah, yeah.

[33:33] That's what we need to get through this.

[33:34] Yeah, just to.

[33:37] No, what were we talking about?

[33:39] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[33:39] So we're talking about Finn is like, Ray, I got to tell you something.

[33:42] Ray, I got to tell you something.

[33:42] I got to get swallowed up by quicksand.

Dan McCoy

[33:43] So like, there's a lot of discussion about what this is on the internet.

[33:46] And people are like, oh, you know, he was going to say he loves her, which is the most obvious, like, interpretation of what's going on.

[33:55] And maybe a thing that you would say when you were dying.

[33:58] But according to the internet, some fan talked to J.J. Abrams at a thing.

[34:05] And J.J. was like, no, no.

[34:08] He was going to say that he's force sensitive.

[34:10] Which to me would be the weirdest fucking thing to say while you were dying in quicksand.

Elliott Kalan

[34:15] Ray, Ray, before we die, I just need you to know.

[34:16] I also have the force.

[34:18] And then they get pulled into quicksand.

[34:20] Yeah, so that's crazy.

[34:22] I think, I mean, that actually was my guess, that that's what he was going to say.

[34:25] That, like, I can do it.

[34:26] I've corked it again.

[34:27] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[34:29] So we realize that he's not nearly as special as she is.

[34:32] Because in a second, she gets on a tug of war with a transport ship with Kylo Ren.

Elliott Kalan

[34:38] So Kylo Ren has arrived there with his special select group of baddies who we never really see them do much.

Stuart Wellington

[34:45] The Knights of Ren.

[34:46] Which they, like, especially after The Last Jedi where we had those throne room dudes who were fucking cool.

[34:51] Which was amazing.

[34:52] That was great.

[34:53] These guys are just, like, some jokers with, like, shovels and axes and stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[34:57] They just kind of loom around and they keep showing up in the background to be a threat.

[35:02] And they show up and they're chasing after.

[35:05] And Ray and Kylo Ren have the first of several fights during the movie.

[35:09] And in this one, there's a transport ship that has Chewbacca with this magic dagger that has the information of where the wayfine is.

[35:16] The wayfinder is.

[35:17] Uh-huh, yeah.

[35:17] And that, and it's written in Sith.

[35:19] And C-3PO understands Sith, but he has been programmed never to translate it because it's an evil language.

[35:24] So they need the dagger and they need Chewbacca.

[35:26] They need the dagger because of the information.

[35:27] And they need Chewbacca because he's great.

Stuart Wellington

[35:29] And then they need to get the galaxy's greatest hacker to hack that information out of C-3PO's noggin.

[35:33] Wait, wait, we haven't got that yet.

[35:34] We haven't got that yet.

[35:34] Yes, to hack the planet?

[35:36] I mean, kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[35:37] I mean, in that every droid's soul is its own planet.

[35:39] Okay.

[35:39] And when you kill a droid, you kill a world.

[35:41] But they're fighting over this transport ship using the Force.

[35:44] So happy to see DJ Kwall show up.

[35:47] Anyway.

[35:48] And Rey, the dark side of her, gets out of control and shoots out an Emperor-style lightning bolt at this transport ship and blows it up.

[35:57] And everyone's like, no, Chewbacca, you killed him.

[36:00] Next scene, Chewbacca's fine.

[36:02] He was on a different ship.

[36:03] What?

Stuart Wellington

[36:04] There was a brief moment where I was like, I was not expecting this to happen.

[36:08] And then those hopes were dashed.

Elliott Kalan

[36:10] It would have been a genuinely shocking death for Chewbacca.

[36:13] It would have been a genuinely traumatic moment for her that because the dark side of her came out and she lost control, she killed a friend.

[36:20] Someone who has been one of the hearts of the Rebellion for years.

[36:24] But instead, they're like, tricked ya.

[36:26] And then later on, she's like, Chewbacca's okay.

[36:28] And they're like, how do you know?

[36:29] She goes, he must have been in a different transport ship.

[36:31] And I was like, then why did you think he was in that transport ship?

[36:34] Like, what was the point of all that?

[36:35] But also, she doesn't really give a shit about the other people she killed on that transport ship.

Dan McCoy

[36:39] Also, it was kind of like, the stormtroopers were like, okay, Rey's looking the other direction for a second.

[36:45] Let's hustle Chewbacca over to this other ship.

[36:47] Let's play a trick on her.

S5

[36:48] Kylo Ren's like, let's hide over a little bit of the old misdirection.

[36:51] And then suddenly he has a card in his hand.

[36:53] He puts his hand down and he has a rabbit in the other hand.

Stuart Wellington

[36:56] You guys are on decoy duty.

[36:58] Like, uh, wait a minute.

[37:00] I don't want to be on decoy duty.

Elliott Kalan

[37:02] What they saw was Don King in a huge fur coat being hustled into that transport ship.

[37:06] They thought it was Chewbacca.

[37:08] Anyway, uh, they, they have to go and rescue, uh, Chewbacca and, uh, oh no.

[37:15] First they go to Kijimi, which is a planet we've heard.

[37:18] Kathy Najimy.

[37:18] They go to the planet of Kathy Najimy.

[37:20] And, and they're like, you're so great.

[37:23] You were so great in King of the Hill.

[37:24] You're so great in the Sister Act movies.

[37:26] Like, you're just, you're just a treasure.

[37:28] And she's like, oh, thank you.

[37:29] Well, I'm just a modest person.

[37:30] You know, I, I don't, I don't deal with praise well.

[37:32] And they're like, but Kathy Najimy, no, you are really great.

[37:34] And she's like, I told you I don't deal with praise well.

[37:37] And you just, I was just going to say swinging fists.

[37:40] I guess, yeah.

[37:41] I mean, everyone in this movie, someone on Twitter pointed out to me that, uh, the stormtroopers

[37:46] frequently give the heroes a chance to surrender.

S5

[37:48] And the heroes kill at first sight when they see stormtroopers.

[37:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:51] That like everyone's first instinct in this movie, if you're a hero is to shoot immediately

[37:55] and just murder your way through the galaxy.

[37:57] But they go to Kijimi, which is because there's someone.

Stuart Wellington

[37:59] Even when they find that wounded sandworm, I think Finn's like, kill that fucking thing.

[38:03] Right.

Elliott Kalan

[38:04] They are bloodthirsty.

[38:06] Uh, Poe is like, we got to go find the best hacker in the universe.

[38:10] He's on Kijimi.

[38:11] Yeah.

[38:11] But uh-oh, I have some bad blood for me on Kijimi.

[38:15] And of course, they run into the one person that he has a bad experience with.

[38:19] Yeah.

[38:19] And that's played by?

[38:21] Uh, Keri Russell.

[38:22] Keri Russell in a almost entirely masked performance, which I mean, I think it's just her voice.

Dan McCoy

[38:26] Yeah, it is her voice.

[38:27] Well, she pulls her visor up at a second.

[38:29] I was like, I know that voice.

[38:31] Who is it?

[38:32] And then she put her visor up and I saw her impeccable eye makeup.

[38:35] I'm like, that's Ms. Keri Russell.

Stuart Wellington

[38:36] And then Dan looked at both his hands and he's like, this movie has two Keri's in it?

Dan McCoy

[38:43] I mean, also, you know, it's a J.J. Abrams movie.

[38:45] So him having Keri Russell makes perfect sense.

[38:47] I'm not saying she's not wonderful.

[38:49] I love Keri Russell.

[38:50] I was happy to see her.

[38:51] But I thought that...

Stuart Wellington

[38:51] You wouldn't be like, she's a great, wonderful actress.

[38:54] Let's stick a helmet on her the whole time.

[38:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:57] This character is, of course, named Zori Bliss.

[39:00] Uh-huh.

[39:01] Because why not?

[39:02] And they...

[39:04] This character does not need to exist.

[39:06] There is no reason...

[39:07] I thought this character...

Dan McCoy

[39:08] Saw...

[39:09] Saw...

[39:10] Saw cats yesterday.

[39:12] So I think that I'm particularly in the right mood to find funny names.

[39:16] Even funnier.

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] Uh...

[39:19] Yeah.

[39:20] I mean, like, I...

[39:21] This could just be based on speculation I've read on the internet.

[39:24] But it seems like this character was introduced mainly to give a hint of a heterosexual love

[39:30] interest for Poe.

[39:32] To take the fan assumption that Poe and Finn, or foe, as I just called them...

[39:39] After their favorite form of beef soup.

[39:43] As being the ideal romantic relationship for these movies.

Elliott Kalan

[39:46] Now, all they could have had is just them not kiss Poe and Finn.

S5

[39:50] Uh-huh.

[39:50] And that would have been fine.

[39:52] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[39:52] Uh-huh.

[39:52] And allow the people who would like to maybe see the representation of a gay relationship

[39:58] have that headcanon if they like to.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] Yeah, sure.

[40:01] I mean, they could still have it.

[40:03] Poe could easily be bi or...

Dan McCoy

[40:04] Or, you know, Carrie Russell could be his beard.

[40:06] That's...

[40:07] There's always that chance.

[40:07] That's true.

[40:08] I mean, in a way, she was a beard.

[40:09] I mean, she wears a helmet.

Elliott Kalan

[40:10] She...

[40:10] I mean, I guess we don't know if she has a beard.

[40:12] Look, she was on The Americans, home of lots of wigs and beards.

[40:16] Yep.

[40:17] So, I have to assume she's familiar with beards and wigs.

[40:19] That was the slogan.

[40:20] The American.

S5

[40:21] Homes of wigs and beards.

[40:23] People are like, what's that show about?

[40:25] I'm like, you should see it.

[40:25] It's about the craziest wigs and the craziest beards.

Elliott Kalan

[40:29] They...

[40:30] So, they're going to go and do this thing.

[40:31] Meanwhile, Kylo Ren and Rey, we've established they can talk to each other through the force

[40:35] throughout the universe.

Stuart Wellington

[40:36] We didn't mention...

[40:37] There is a character that I like in this movie a lot.

[40:39] He's introduced in this scene.

[40:40] His name's Babu Frick.

[40:42] He's a tiny little hacker.

S5

[40:43] He's a tiny hacker who sometimes speaks in a crazy alien language and sometimes just speaks

[40:46] with a heavy accent.

Stuart Wellington

[40:47] Yeah.

[40:49] Yeah, he's pretty fun.

[40:50] He's got giant hands.

[40:51] No, no, Babu Frick's my second favorite new character after Blacksmith Chimp.

[40:54] Uh-huh.

[40:54] Because he also exists in a...

[40:57] There's no subtext.

[40:59] Babu Frick.

[41:00] He's all in.

[41:01] That's what's great about him.

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] And later on, Zori shows up as part of this giant fleet of volunteer fighters.

[41:07] And Babu just pops up in a cockpit and is like, hey, hey!

S5

[41:10] So are you not strapped in?

[41:13] So when she does turns and barrel rolls, are you just flying around the cockpit and slamming

[41:17] into instruments?

[41:17] He's like a little ghouly, though.

[41:19] He's going to pop up out of a toilet.

[41:21] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[41:22] Yeah, I'm sure when the creature design team got together, they're like, give me 90% more

[41:28] ghouly.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] So, Stuart, what is it about Babu Frick that you particularly like?

[41:32] Well, I like the...

[41:33] Paint us a word for him.

[41:33] I mean, it's...

Stuart Wellington

[41:34] I mean, making a character small and weird is always best.

[41:38] And he wears like a little hat.

Dan McCoy

[41:41] And he doesn't have a shirt, though, right?

Stuart Wellington

[41:43] He doesn't have a shirt.

[41:44] And he's...

[41:45] Everybody is really impressed with him, but they're also annoyed by him.

Dan McCoy

[41:48] He seems like an old pro, too.

[41:50] Like, you know, he'll get the job done, but you might get a little irritated.

Stuart Wellington

[41:53] Yeah, there's a lot of mud on those tires.

[41:55] You know what I mean?

[41:56] He's got a little bit of...

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] He's a little bit like Yoda that way.

[41:59] Looks like he's the best, which means he's allowed to be eccentric.

[42:02] But there's also a little bit of Battletoad in his visual.

[42:04] And I like that, too.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] He's also kind of like a little bit like the IT guy who's a little annoyed at you that you don't understand the technology as well as he does.

[42:11] That's fair.

Stuart Wellington

[42:12] Yeah, I mean, there was a brief moment when I was watching a Star War and I saw a character that wasn't Baby Yoda.

Dan McCoy

[42:17] And I was like, I like that character.

[42:19] I want to say here, though, this connection between Rey and Kylo Ren.

[42:25] There's a lot of The Last Jedi erasure in this movie that's much more egregious than this.

[42:32] But I did watch that part where they're connected and talking to each other.

[42:36] And I'm like, okay, wait, hold on.

[42:37] I thought in The Last Jedi, the fact they had a connection was just something Snoke was doing to fool them into thinking to bring her to him that she might be redeemed or whatever.

[42:52] And this movie is like, no, no, no, no.

[42:53] They really have this soul connection.

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] They can also transport objects through this force connection.

[42:59] Which I thought was pretty, it was like, as long as I don't try to think about the science of it, I thought it was a really cool thing.

Dan McCoy

[43:05] Yeah, I thought it was kind of fun where they're like having fights and they're like, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:08] And they use it in neat ways.

[43:09] Like he knows she's in his office because that Darth Vader helmet shows up.

[43:14] Or like the first time that happens, he snatches the flower necklace from around her neck.

[43:18] And she's like, huh, what?

[43:20] That's why that girl gave it to her.

[43:21] Yeah, that's the only reason is to establish that physical connection.

[43:25] But like, so I thought that was kind of a neat thing.

[43:27] But it also means that like, apparently anyone with the force can talk to anybody.

[43:31] Because later on Princess Leia is like, hold on, let me send a telegram to my son Kylo.

[43:34] Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Dan McCoy

[43:36] Speaking of that, like later on when like Luke does like a major thing with the force that affects like the real like living human world.

[43:45] Like granted, the seeds for that were planted by Yoda in The Last Jedi.

[43:49] I'm moving out like a lot more than this one.

[43:51] But I am kind of like, okay, so ghost Jedis can do anything normal Jedis can do.

[43:57] And they're just kind of hanging out in the ghost dimension being like, you guys take care of it yourselves.

[44:02] You wonder why ghost Luke didn't just show up.

S5

[44:03] Doctor Strange in the ghost dimension.

[44:05] Ghost Luke didn't just show up at Emperor Palpatine's house and like smother him with a pillow.

[44:09] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[44:11] Just like unplug his little machine.

[44:13] Yeah, come here.

[44:14] The, you know, and the thing that ghost Luke does is he just raises his old X-Wing out of the water.

[44:21] And you're like, finally, dude, I've been waiting for you to be able to do that forever.

S5

[44:26] Ever since Dagobah, man.

[44:27] He's like, I couldn't do this till I was dead.

[44:29] Then I really figured out how to lift X-Wings with the force.

Dan McCoy

[44:31] Like the funny thing is like, yeah, sure.

[44:33] Like that's a, like, kind of like, I guess a fun payoff for Empire.

[44:37] But all I could think of is like, that fucking thing's been down there for 30 years, dude.

[44:41] Like, it's not going to fly anywhere.

S5

[44:45] Well, this is, if that's the thing you're picking apart in the movie, then maybe Star Wars is not for you.

[44:51] Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring actors like Patton Oswalt.

Justin McElroy

[45:04] So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude's studio during the day, and they hunt monsters at night.

[45:10] It's Blade meets the Odd Couple.

Stuart Wellington

[45:14] Adam Scott and Jane Levy.

Dan McCoy

[45:15] Come on, Corey.

[45:17] She's too serious, too business-y.

[45:20] She doesn't know the hokey pokey.

Justin McElroy

[45:21] She'll learn what it's all about.

[45:26] Busy Phillips and Dave Koechner.

[45:27] Baby, this is family.

Stuart Wellington

[45:29] My Uncle Tel, who showed his wiener to Cinderella at Disneyland, is family.

[45:34] Do you want him staying with us?

[45:36] He did stay with us for three months.

[45:38] And he was a delight.

[45:41] A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society, for maximum fun.

Justin McElroy

[45:47] One, two, one, two, three.

[45:49] Hi, everybody.

[45:50] My name is Justin McElroy.

[45:51] I'm Sydney McElroy.

[45:51] We're both doctors, and...

[45:53] Nope, just me.

[45:54] Okay, well, Sydney's a doctor, and I'm a medical enthusiast, and we create Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

Elliott Kalan

[46:00] Every week, I dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the wildest, grossest, sometimes dumbest tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history.

Justin McElroy

[46:10] Lately, we do a lot of modern fake medicine, because everything's a disaster.

[46:15] But it's slightly less of a disaster every Friday, right here on maximumfun.org, as we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

[46:22] And remember, don't drill a hole in your head.

Elliott Kalan

[46:28] I mean...

[46:29] This is a movie where they tried to hide a man from the most evil, most powerful man in the universe, and didn't bother to change the baby's last name.

[46:36] And they took him to his...

[46:37] Wait, they took him to...

[46:39] So, let's...

[46:39] So, you're an evil...

[46:40] You're an evil man.

[46:41] They want to hide your baby from you.

[46:43] They take you to your family's house, on your home planet, and they don't change the last name.

[46:48] Let's just...

Dan McCoy

[46:49] They are fools in the Stover's universe.

[46:51] Let's just call this the X-wing that broke the camel's back.

S5

[46:54] All right.

[46:54] I mean, to be fair, if you put an X-wing on a camel's back, that camel's back is breaking.

[46:58] I was rolling with...

[46:59] They may be the ships of the desert, but they cannot hold a spaceship.

Dan McCoy

[47:01] I was rolling with so much of this movie, and then he, like, raised the X-wing out of the water, and I went...

[47:08] And, like...

[47:09] And put my hands up, and Audrey's like, what?

[47:12] I'm like, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[47:13] Well, you put your hands up, because they were playing your song, and the butterflies flew away.

[47:16] But, so...

[47:17] Because it was a party in the USA.

[47:18] Yeah.

[47:19] On that weird...

[47:19] What's that planet where Luke was just living tended by those nuns?

[47:23] And he would just...

[47:24] Oh, and he was drinking titty milk?

[47:25] Drinking Dr. Seuss milk?

Dan McCoy

[47:26] It wasn't a whole planet.

[47:28] It was, like, on a specific island.

S5

[47:29] The island was on a planet, dude.

[47:31] I know.

[47:32] Like, Dan, the island was not floating in space like the little prince was living there with his one chair.

[47:37] Oh, I get it.

[47:37] This island or everything.

[47:39] It's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[47:39] Like Thanos' weird, like, meteorite in the Infinity Gauntlet.

[47:43] Where he just has his floating throne, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:45] So, okay, they have to get the information from C-3PO's mind.

[47:48] To do it, they have to wipe his memory.

[47:50] And that was a genuinely affecting moment where he's like, oh, he's giving this up.

[47:54] This is the first time C-3PO has been like, I'm going to make the choice to really sacrifice myself for the rebellion.

[48:00] Again, this would have been a really fitting and kind of surprising death for a main character.

[48:04] Don't worry.

[48:05] R2 just brings it back later, and it's totally cool.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] But didn't...

[48:08] Yeah, C-3PO's in the cloud.

[48:10] Didn't he get his memory wiped at the end of Revenge of the Sith as well?

[48:14] Yes.

[48:14] He doesn't remember the details of Anakin's wedding.

S5

[48:18] Well, that's because the wedding was such a debacle.

[48:20] Oh, God.

Dan McCoy

[48:21] Guys, this is a total, like, side thing, but I have to tell you, we watched this Christmas Netflix movie.

[48:27] Yeah, and then Otter.

Stuart Wellington

[48:29] I was on, like, Hulu or something, actually.

Dan McCoy

[48:30] It was called Correcting Christmas or something.

[48:33] It was like a sliding door scenario where, like, she goes back in time to, like...

[48:36] To save Jesus?

[48:37] She goes back in time to the previous Christmas where she, like, had broken up with her old, like, fiancé.

[48:45] Okay.

[48:46] Or...

[48:46] She broke up with her old boyfriend.

[48:48] How old was he?

[48:49] Okay.

[48:50] She broke up with...

[48:51] It was the Anna Nicole Smith story.

[48:52] So he was very old.

[48:53] She broke up with her previous boyfriend, sorry, because she thought he was going to propose on Christmas, and he didn't.

[49:00] And then she regretted it, so she went back.

[49:02] But she learned, obviously, she was supposed to be with her best friend the whole time.

[49:07] Oh.

[49:07] But the hilarious thing is...

Elliott Kalan

[49:09] A lie that has ruined the friendships of many young men and girls.

[49:14] Yeah, no, that's...

[49:15] Because the men assume that the girl will eventually become their lover.

Dan McCoy

[49:17] But the whole point of all this is, like, the movie does one of those, like, flash-forward things where, like, okay, the mystical stuff is done.

[49:25] We're in the present day again.

[49:26] And now, like, the two of them are, like, married.

[49:30] And this is revealed by the guy being, like, oh, you left your ring by the sink.

[49:35] I want you to put it on, because I don't like all those guys hitting on you.

[49:38] And Audrey's, like, they took her back, and they didn't get to see the proposal?

[49:43] Like, the fucking, like, fairy godmother character, like, skipped over that part?

[49:49] She doesn't get to have her proposal?

[49:52] What the fuck?

[49:53] Yeah.

[49:54] And this is, like, a romance movie.

[49:55] That's the only reason these movies exist is for, like, the climactic, like, they come, they're, like, finally together.

Elliott Kalan

[50:01] It's as true as it is relevant to our discussion of Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker.

Stuart Wellington

[50:05] It's similar to how my wife recently read a thriller, and part of the mystery or thriller hinged on the idea of one woman letting another woman borrow her mascara.

[50:17] And she was like, that would never happen.

[50:20] Adults don't do that.

[50:21] It goes in your eyeball.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] So, make a long story short.

[50:26] Kylo tells Rey the truth.

[50:27] You're a Palpatine.

[50:28] You're the granddaughter of the Emperor.

[50:30] And she's like, ew.

[50:31] So, the Emperor had sex with somebody and had a baby?

[50:34] And we're like, yeah, we don't want to think about it either.

[50:36] I mean, like, how long ago was that, though?

Stuart Wellington

[50:38] I mean, it would have been when he was a senator, probably.

[50:40] She was like, she's what, like, 25?

[50:43] I have no idea.

[50:44] And her parents were like, let's say, 25.

[50:47] So, that was like 50 years ago.

[50:49] Yeah.

[50:49] So, that's about when Yoda and Yaddle were presumably having sex to create baby Yoda.

[50:56] I mean, I don't want to think about that either.

[50:57] Once again, I have a red Wookieepedia.

[51:00] Have you, Dan?

[51:00] Do you know?

[51:01] So, when Yoda has sex, is Yoda's sex talk in that same backwards syntax or no?

[51:09] What?

[51:09] Is he like, coming I am?

[51:13] Cool, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:14] That's how, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:15] No, weirdly enough, when he does dirty talk, that shit goes by the wayside.

[51:20] And he is all business.

S5

[51:23] So, it's not like, right there, touch me.

Stuart Wellington

[51:25] He's like, I'm not fucking around.

S5

[51:28] It's time for bad Yoda to come out.

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:31] Okay, so.

[51:32] Is this how baby Yoda happened?

[51:32] He's super into force, Jimmy.

[51:34] I don't watch the rest of it.

[51:35] No, I don't like that.

[51:36] I don't like that at all.

[51:37] Well, you don't do it for the windpipe.

Stuart Wellington

[51:39] You do it to the sides of the neck.

[51:40] No, I don't like that.

[51:41] It's not okay.

[51:42] It's all consensual.

[51:43] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[51:43] I mean, this brings back something that I think I mentioned years ago in this podcast, which

S5

[51:47] is the idea of having a significant other who's a Jedi, and they give you a force job,

[51:52] even in public.

[51:53] Even if you're across the room, then they can pleasure you, because no one knows.

[51:56] They're just moving their hands.

Stuart Wellington

[51:58] It's like if Garth Ennis wrote a fucking Star Wars comic.

Elliott Kalan

[52:02] So, okay.

[52:04] The Emperor wants Rey for some reason.

[52:08] We don't know.

[52:08] It turns out that General Hux is the mole in the First Order, and he helps save Poe and

[52:13] Finn and Chewbacca, and he's like, I'm the spy, and they shoot him in the knee, and he

[52:17] gets caught almost instantly and is executed for treason.

Stuart Wellington

[52:20] Uh-huh.

[52:20] Which, while, yeah, I guess that was kind of funny how he got blasted across the room,

[52:24] and it was a surprise.

[52:25] Once again, this is another character that I felt like was given short shrift.

[52:29] Like, Hux was one of the more fun parts of the last movie.

Elliott Kalan

[52:32] And in The Force Awakens, he's being built up as the bad guy.

[52:38] Him and Kylo Ren are the two bad dudes.

[52:40] I mean, what a fucking good actor, too.

Dan McCoy

[52:43] That guy, like, every different movie, I'm like, it's the same man?

Stuart Wellington

[52:48] Yeah.

[52:50] Yeah, and he's standing right next to Evan Driver, who I guess is the best actor of his

[52:54] generation, right?

Elliott Kalan

[52:55] I mean, to be honest, this movie has, it has them, it has Richard E. Grant.

[52:59] Like, there's a lot of really great actors in this.

[53:01] Ian McDermid?

Dan McCoy

[53:02] I mean, I, look, Daisy Ridley, like, this might not be our best Star Wars movie, but she's

[53:07] amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[53:08] Like, all the actors are great in this movie.

[53:10] She does something that makes sense, but I thought it was really funny, which is she

[53:12] has a lot of, like, athlete motions.

[53:15] So, like, there's a part where she's got to run into the ocean or something.

[53:18] And she's like, and she goes like, like, breathes out and shakes her head the way that,

[53:23] like, an athlete does before they run.

[53:24] And then later on, she, like, is light-saboring, and her wrist hurts a little bit, and she has

[53:29] this, like, ah, look on her face that tennis players get sometimes.

[53:33] And I was like, it is a totally valid choice as a performant.

[53:37] I also think it's kind of funny that she's playing Rey as, like, a Jedi athlete.

[53:41] But I think, like, that's something I had not seen before with these characters.

[53:44] Like, that was a neat way to do it.

[53:45] Long story short, they go to the planet where the Death Star crashed.

[53:48] There's a whole tribe of ex-stormtroopers there who ride around on alien horses.

[53:53] They have no personalities whatsoever.

[53:55] Finn instantly becomes best friends with one who I'm learning the name of is named Janna.

[53:59] I did not know her name during the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[54:01] And it feels like the movie rode off Rose so they could give, at least to me,

[54:07] felt like they could give Finn a new, sexier love interest.

[54:11] Maybe.

[54:12] Like, one that is dressed at least more skinnily.

Dan McCoy

[54:13] Well, and I don't want to, like, look, this is, these are murky waters,

[54:21] and I don't want to, like, call anyone out unnecessarily.

[54:24] I don't want to say anything weird.

[54:26] But it did, like, I did feel weird watching it where they're just like,

[54:29] no, no, no, no, no, Finn.

[54:30] Like, let's give you a black love interest.

Elliott Kalan

[54:32] No, no.

[54:32] I mean, that did strike me, too, that it was eventually, that it was like,

[54:36] yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we have to pair him up with a black character.

[54:38] Yeah.

[54:38] It was weird.

[54:40] But at the same time, though, there was something genuinely exciting to me at the end where,

[54:44] spoiler, what, spoiler, everything.

[54:46] Lando is flying the Millennium Falcon, and he saves the two of them, and they're all together.

[54:51] Somehow they're gripping the top of the Millennium Falcon as it swoops and dives through the space.

[54:55] Where I was like, this ship has only black characters on it.

[54:59] And it is really exciting to me that this scene is all black characters.

[55:02] So there's a thin line between it feeling like tokenism, where you have to line up black people to black people,

[55:07] and it being exciting that it's like, okay, there's more people of color in Star Wars.

[55:10] No, that's all fair.

[55:11] It's not just Lando, and it's not just Ula.

[55:13] Those are not the only two people, and Max Rebo.

[55:15] Those are not the only characters of color in the Star Wars universe now.

[55:18] You know, blue-green and so forth.

[55:21] But it felt weird at the moment.

S5

[55:24] Until that moment, it felt weird to me that it was like, that they were doing that.

Elliott Kalan

[55:27] But anyway, long story short, they go to the Death Star.

[55:30] Guess what?

[55:31] Rey sees herself as a Sith and has a fight with herself.

[55:35] And the Sith version has, like, cool, scary teeth, right?

[55:38] Cool, scary, sharp teeth, and a double-headed lightsaber that she can also separate out,

[55:42] which was explained to me today by a seven-year-old as maybe it had magnets in the base.

[55:46] Oh, okay.

[55:47] And I was like, that's a good way to explain that.

Dan McCoy

[55:48] Was that a seven-year-old part of the insane clown posse?

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] He was like, I don't know how they work, but...

[55:54] No, no.

[55:55] This seven-year-old is not an insane clown.

[55:58] Anyway.

[55:59] A rational clown.

[56:00] He's a very rational clown.

S5

[56:03] His name is Professor Pickles.

[56:06] He is a clown with a PhD.

Dan McCoy

[56:08] He did his study in fitting as many clowns into a car as possible.

S5

[56:11] Well, he figured out the mathematic equation that explains the physics of how you can fit

[56:16] so many clowns into a car.

[56:17] They call it Pickles theorem.

Elliott Kalan

[56:20] And so Kylo Ren has another lightsaber fight with Rey, and General Princess Leia.

[56:28] This is also...

[56:29] They've been told, oh, the Emperor is going to attack the whole universe with his fleet

[56:32] of Star Destroyers in 16 hours.

[56:34] We better get a move on.

[56:35] Then they have an adventure that must take three days.

[56:38] But anyway, General Princess Leia is like, this is a good time for me to reach out to my son.

[56:42] We never talk anymore.

[56:43] And she sends a force message across the universe to him.

[56:46] So she's a lot like me.

Stuart Wellington

[56:47] Whenever I need to actually call someone on the phone, I have to get my whole environment

[56:53] set up.

[56:54] I'm like, everybody leave the room.

[56:56] I'm going to need the room.

[56:57] And she distracts...

[56:58] Let me light some incense.

Elliott Kalan

[57:00] She distracts Kylo just enough for Rey to mortally wound him.

[57:04] But then, just like he was a regular old sandworm...

Stuart Wellington

[57:07] Once again, this is a moment where I'm like, oh, wow, I wasn't expecting this to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[57:11] No, and then she heals him using her sandworm healing powers.

[57:15] And then Rey goes to...

[57:17] Yeah, because he's a lot like a sandworm, right?

[57:20] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[57:22] Rey goes to where Luke's ghost cell is.

[57:24] I guess when the lights are out, you know.

[57:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:26] When the lights are out, everyone's a sandworm.

Elliott Kalan

[57:29] Rey goes to Luke's old house.

[57:30] If you're doing it right.

[57:33] Anyway, ghost Luke is like, hey, you should take Leia's old lightsaber.

[57:36] You're doing good.

[57:37] Go up to the Emperor and kick him in the nuts.

[57:39] Here's my old X-Wing.

[57:41] I lifted it out of the water for you.

[57:43] And Kylo Ren has a conversation with, not the ghost of, but his memory of Han Solo.

[57:48] Where Han Solo's like, hey, you could be a good guy.

[57:50] And Kylo Ren throws his lightsaber away and starts calling himself Ben again, right?

[57:54] Mm-hmm.

[57:55] Yeah.

[57:55] Because his name is Ben Solo.

S5

[57:56] I gotta say, like there's...

[57:57] And Palpatine is like, mm, it's been a while since I've been in the movie.

[58:01] Blow up Kijimi with a super laser.

Dan McCoy

[58:03] Maybe it was just because I liked seeing Harrison Ford again because I have so much affection for that dude.

Stuart Wellington

[58:08] Because he likes seeing him and being like, I bet he hates this.

[58:11] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:12] But like...

[58:14] I just...

[58:14] I imagine it's one of those things where they were like, we'll pay you any amount of money.

[58:17] And he's like, don't bother about the money.

[58:19] I'm gonna make some weird requests.

[58:21] And I'm gonna see if it's worth it to you to make me have it.

[58:24] So, you heard of IIs?

[58:26] Yeah, they're these little weird primates.

[58:27] I want you to go get me one.

[58:29] They're very hard to find and they're endangered.

[58:31] It's illegal to move them out of the rainforest.

[58:32] And also, again, they're very hard to find.

[58:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[58:34] Well, I've always wanted a pet IIs, so you better get me one in two days.

S5

[58:38] No, you know what?

[58:39] 36 hours.

[58:40] And then I'll be in your Star Wars.

[58:41] And so J.J. Abrams is hacking through the jungle at night, mind you.

Elliott Kalan

[58:44] It's a nocturnal animal until he can find and trap an II and hand and deliver it to Harrison Ford.

[58:49] And when he brings it to Harrison Ford.

[58:50] I'm gonna Google this afterwards.

[58:51] Are they hackers?

S5

[58:53] Yeah, when he brings it to Harrison Ford, Harrison Ford's like, cool, I changed my mind.

[58:59] I don't want it anymore.

[59:02] So, now you gotta go to numbers two through ten on my checklist.

Dan McCoy

[59:06] Okay.

[59:07] What I wanted to say, though, before that thing.

[59:08] Talk about Harrison Ford, yeah.

[59:09] The Star of Random Hearts.

[59:10] No, no.

S5

[59:11] And 67 Nights.

[59:12] And 67 Nights.

[59:14] And The Frisco Kid.

[59:15] All your favorite movies.

[59:15] Regarding Henry.

[59:17] Star of Firewall, yeah.

[59:20] No wonder he has such a deep place in your heart.

[59:22] He was in, what was that movie that we watched with the lesser Hemsworth where he was like a hacker or something?

Dan McCoy

[59:27] Oh, shit.

[59:28] What was that called?

Stuart Wellington

[59:29] Probably Code Breakers.

Dan McCoy

[59:31] No, but the thing I wanted to say about this was like, so, like, look, I was talking to Audrey about, like, George Lucas and this whole fucking shebang of Star Wars.

[59:43] Yeah, this thing we call Star Wars.

[59:44] And I want to make it clear, like, she's not, like, a Star Wars fan.

[59:48] She saw, like, these movies, like, the original trilogy for the first time this year.

[59:52] So, like, this is not, like, me dansplaining to her.

[59:56] She was curious about this.

[59:57] I mean, it might still be you dansplaining.

[59:58] It might still be my dansplaining.

[59:59] Yeah.

[59:59] But she seemed genuinely interested.

[1:00:01] Perhaps she was just being nice.

[1:00:03] But, like, George Lucas, I was saying that, like, you know, he had this idea of, okay, I'm going to make these, like, rhyming trilogies.

[1:00:13] Like, I want the movies to rhyme in these different ways, which, in effect, in these new movies has led to, like, even though he's not been involved in them, that spirit lives on.

[1:00:26] And it's just, like, let's, like, retread certain plot points or certain things in these new movies.

[1:00:34] And at its worst, you know, you get, like, movies like The Force Awakens or this one, which, like, The Force Awakens, I liked.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:44] The first half of The Force Awakens, I really liked a lot, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:47] But they, like, borrow so much from the old movies that it seems, like, less, like, rhyming and more, like, just a retread.

[1:00:53] Just retreading, yeah.

[1:00:54] But there are ways of doing parallel scenes that work well.

[1:00:59] And for me, just for me, like, I kind of enjoyed this parallel scene with Harrison Ford where it's, like, okay, Kylo Ren is replaying the moment where he killed his father.

[1:01:08] He's at a different place in his life.

[1:01:10] He's confused.

[1:01:11] And this time he makes the moral choice instead and throws his lightsaber away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:17] Oh, no, I thought this was one of the scenes that worked best for me in the movie for that reason.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:21] And it helps that, like, Adam Driver is a genuinely good actor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] Adam Driver's a great actor.

[1:01:25] Harrison Ford's a great actor.

[1:01:26] Like, they have, in this moment, has a lot of emotion frayed into it that is real human emotion.

[1:01:31] Yeah.

[1:01:31] He is a man who killed his father and betrayed his mother's dreams for him.

[1:01:36] And, like, that's a real human thing.

[1:01:38] As opposed to your grandfather is an evil wizard and wants to steal your body to make you the ultimate avatar of evil.

[1:01:45] That is not a human emotion and that's not something I can connect to, really.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:48] Man, your mother is Villanelle from Killing Eve.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:52] That's got to be hard.

[1:01:53] That's difficult.

[1:01:54] She's always trying to kill Eve.

[1:01:56] I don't know.

[1:01:57] I watched the first season and I forget what happened.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:59] But you're right that, like, at a certain point, rhyming becomes repeating.

[1:02:02] Yeah.

[1:02:02] And this, but this was one of the scenes where it was like, and it would have done better for me if it didn't feel at times like the movie was like,

[1:02:08] Hey, bring them back all your old pals.

[1:02:10] Come on.

[1:02:11] They're all here.

[1:02:12] You like these characters, right?

[1:02:14] Like, come on.

[1:02:15] Bring them in.

[1:02:15] Like, I was half waiting for, like, Jabba the Hutt to show up and tell somebody that he was their dad.

[1:02:21] And, like, like a, like a.

[1:02:23] It's like, it's like.

[1:02:24] Lobot to show up and tell a new cyborg, like, hey, you got to do it for the rebellion.

[1:02:28] It's like.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:29] Gonk droid just like ducks his head in her frame and goes gonk.

[1:02:31] And then.

[1:02:32] I like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:33] It's like that scene near the end of Labyrinth where in those weird pack rat monsters keep being like, oh, you like this thing.

[1:02:39] Oh, you want this.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:40] Take that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:41] Yeah, exactly.

[1:02:42] What an interesting commentary on nostalgia.

[1:02:44] Thank you, Labyrinth.

[1:02:47] Thank you for that.

[1:02:48] And the sexual awakening of millions.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:50] So they destroy that planet.

[1:02:53] C-3PO, he gets his memory back from R2-D2.

[1:02:55] And they all go to.

[1:02:56] They follow Rey on her trip, too.

[1:02:57] Because Rey now has a wayfinder that helps her get to Exegol, the evil Sith planet that nobody ever knew.

[1:03:03] About before.

[1:03:04] It's not even the first mystery planet in Star Wars because Geonosis, right?

[1:03:07] Oh, no.

[1:03:07] What was.

[1:03:08] No.

[1:03:09] Ferrari Carrera.

[1:03:10] What was the planet where they were making the clones?

[1:03:12] Kamino.

[1:03:12] Kamino Borealis.

[1:03:13] Kamino Real.

[1:03:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:13] Because it was deleted from the Jedi dictionary by Sifo DS.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:20] You're right.

[1:03:21] Star Wars has always been dumb.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:23] I used to find it funny that, like, you know, like all of the Star Wars planets had one type of ecosystem.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:31] Yeah.

[1:03:31] Snow.

[1:03:32] Forest.

[1:03:33] Desert or City slash Factory.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:34] But that's not, like, entirely crazy.

[1:03:36] Like, obviously there are planets out there that are, like, the same thing all through the planet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:41] I mean, those are planets that have, as far as we know, no inhabited life.

[1:03:45] That's true.

[1:03:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:45] But it's also, like, this planet, I feel like, bumps it up to the next level where it's, like, not only is this planet, like, this type, but, like, only this type of people live there.

[1:03:53] It's the evil planet.

[1:03:54] It's like the sorting hat has put, like, all the Slytherin on this planet.

S5

[1:03:57] Yep.

[1:03:57] They're like, this planet is naturally an evil habitat.

[1:04:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:01] So all the animals are always...

[1:04:02] We're equal kids.

[1:04:03] We get to go to the same classes.

S5

[1:04:05] But now you have me thinking there's, like, an ecosystem of, like, where bunny rabbits are, like, hey, hey, hey.

[1:04:11] They're, like, rubbing their hands together and hopping away into the trees, you know?

[1:04:15] So they all go there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:17] Yeah, they have a lightning-based economy.

[1:04:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:20] There's this fleet of Star Destroyers that's already there, which most of them were there already, but then the bad guys from the rest of the movie are there, too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:28] Didn't they, like, squirt out of the fucking ground like little plants?

[1:04:31] Yeah.

[1:04:32] Like, that, I mean, a Star Destroyer wouldn't survive being in, like, they're not in, like, the gravity well-type ships, right?

[1:04:42] They can't be in atmosphere.

[1:04:43] Well, but here's the thing.

[1:04:44] They're way too heavy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:45] They're way too heavy.

[1:04:45] They would destroy all sorts of stuff, but also they've just been floating in the air idling for days, it seems.

[1:04:51] Yeah.

[1:04:52] And that's one against the law.

[1:04:53] You can't idle for more than 15 minutes, I think, in New York City.

[1:04:56] But also, like.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:58] Also, there's a film shoot going on there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:00] They're shooting The Rise of Skywalker.

[1:05:01] They can't park there.

[1:05:03] Yeah.

[1:05:04] What if they see the orange cones in the sky?

[1:05:06] But it's, like, they're just kind of hanging around waiting, and there's something about it where I was, like, I can't tell if this is a really cool image or if it's really dumb.

[1:05:14] And it was, like, if this was, like, a Jodorovsky-Mobius comic, I'd be, like, this is really cool.

[1:05:19] This endless sky of just hugely, this dreadnought juggernaut ships.

[1:05:26] Uh-huh.

[1:05:26] Yeah.

[1:05:26] But here it was, like, so are they gonna do anything?

[1:05:29] Or is the Emperor just gonna look at them and masturbate at all these ships that he's got?

S5

[1:05:33] Like.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:33] I mean, it kind of does, right?

[1:05:34] I mean, it does kind of.

[1:05:35] And the Emperor is just kind of, like, hanging around.

[1:05:36] When he starts squirting lightning up there.

[1:05:38] So that's what it is.

[1:05:40] He's ejaculating lightning.

[1:05:41] The Emperor also is, like, just hanging around doing nothing.

[1:05:44] And it's one of those things where it's, like, so what is the Emperor doing to pass the hours while he's just hanging around on this machine arm?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:50] He's doing, like, warm-up comic shit for that assembled crowd.

S5

[1:05:54] Oh, here's from Exegol.

[1:05:56] Oh, you.

[1:05:57] Oh, the thing about Jedis is.

[1:06:00] That'd be so funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:01] Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

[1:06:02] I'd love to see him doing crowd work.

[1:06:04] That'd be so amazing.

S5

[1:06:06] So Rey shows up, and he's like, you want to kill me?

[1:06:09] Good.

[1:06:09] That's what I want, too.

[1:06:11] When you kill me, let me explain.

[1:06:13] It's a little crazy.

[1:06:14] When you kill me, my spirit will go into you.

[1:06:17] And with me comes all the Siths.

[1:06:19] So you'll be the most powerful Sith, and you'll be the Empress of the universe.

[1:06:22] But it'd be really me inside of you.

[1:06:24] And I know it's kind of creepy that I'm a grandpa, and I want to get inside my granddaughter.

[1:06:28] It's weird, yes.

[1:06:29] But it's just my spirit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:30] There's this cool story by Lovecraft.

[1:06:33] It's one of the less not-so-cool ones, if you know what I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:39] It's a weird plan, and it also doesn't feel very Star Wars-y.

[1:06:44] It feels very magical.

[1:06:45] And like, to put a, not to put a, this kind of point on it, but Lord of the Rings-y.

[1:06:49] And they just point it at me like he's about to shoot me with force.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:52] I mean, it feels Star Wars-y in that it is a complete, exact retread of the end of Return of the Jedi,

[1:06:59] where he's like, yes, yes, your anger strike me down.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:02] No, no, but there, but there, the assumption was, you're going to turn evil, and that's going to be good for me.

[1:07:08] Whereas here, it's like, you're going to turn evil, but then I'm going to enter your body,

[1:07:12] and you're going to have, you're going to be possessed by the souls of the Sith.

[1:07:15] But also, it was one of those things where it was like, so, so like, she can, so you can never,

[1:07:21] it's a real convenient thing for the bad guy to say, to be like, if you kill me, I'm going to win.

[1:07:26] So I guess you can't stop me.

[1:07:28] And it's like, I wish she had just taken me.

[1:07:29] Diplomatic immunity.

[1:07:30] I wish she, I had, there were two ways I wanted her to end this, which are not it.

[1:07:34] One was for her to be like, bullshit, and then kill him, and he'll be like, oh, I was lying.

[1:07:38] Oh, called my bluff.

S5

[1:07:39] He called my bluff.

[1:07:40] Just grandpa's little girl.

[1:07:42] You're the first Jedi ever to think of that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:44] But the other one was, he keeps saying, if you kill me out of hate,

[1:07:47] and then he's pointing at her friends in the sky who have,

[1:07:50] who have appeared and are fighting these ships and are all dying,

[1:07:52] and he's destroying them with lightning bolts, and he's like,

S5

[1:07:54] you can't say, if you want to save your friends, you got to kill me,

[1:07:57] but then I'm going to win.

[1:07:58] Look at this, isn't it a real Catch-22?

[1:08:00] Yes, we have that novel in this universe.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:02] But I wanted her, this was, if I had been writing this movie, which I was not,

[1:08:06] I would have wanted her to say, him to be like,

[1:08:08] you can't kill me out of anger, and for her to say something about her friends

[1:08:13] and be like, I'm not killing you out of anger, I'm killing you out of love,

[1:08:15] and then just chop his head off.

[1:08:16] Well, that was like, I was like, waiting for that moment,

S5

[1:08:19] and instead, Kylo shows up, and he's like,

[1:08:21] now I'm going to feast on your friendship.

[1:08:24] And it was like, wait, what?

[1:08:25] How many rules are you making up as you go along?

[1:08:27] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:27] But also, like, I don't want to leap ahead, but I'm going to.

[1:08:31] There's not that much of the movie left.

[1:08:32] This scene goes on for a long time.

[1:08:34] Kylo comes back, and like, whatever, like, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:39] You said Kylo, not Kyle, because if Kyle Katarn showed up,

[1:08:43] I would have been like, what?

[1:08:43] I would have been like, yes, instantly great.

S5

[1:08:46] Yeah, all this shit happens.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:48] Yeah, if Dash Rendar showed up and helped out at the end,

[1:08:50] they'd be crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:51] They're like, yes, all the LucasArts games are officially canon now.

S5

[1:08:55] Well, we'll...

[1:08:56] Full Throttle, and then Full Throttle and Grim Fandango show up.

[1:09:00] Here's Sam and Max, they hit the road to Star Wars.

[1:09:03] Maniac Mansion is here.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:07] Indiana Jones, you found Atlantis.

[1:09:10] No, um, we're going to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:11] Oh, that reminds me of that great Star Wars comic

[1:09:13] where the Millennium Falcon lands,

[1:09:16] crash lands on Earth thousands of years ago,

[1:09:18] and then Chewbacca becomes Bigfoot,

[1:09:23] and Indiana Jones stumbles on this old spaceship

[1:09:26] with a skeleton in it, and he's like,

[1:09:27] hmm, this is weird.

[1:09:29] I was like, oh, what a great story.

[1:09:30] Harrison Ford finds his own dead body.

[1:09:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:33] I want to loop...

[1:09:35] We can loop back and get the stuff that I'm skipping over.

[1:09:38] We'll loop back and kill our loopers, yeah.

[1:09:39] You can get the stuff I'm skipping over,

[1:09:41] but eventually, like, Rey, spoiler alert,

[1:09:44] kills Palpatine by, like,

[1:09:47] basically, like, reflecting his, like, zaps back at him.

[1:09:51] Yeah.

[1:09:51] And I'm just like, okay.

[1:09:52] The old zap back attack.

[1:09:53] That's the old...

[1:09:53] That's the loophole in this.

[1:09:55] Like, you can't strike me down in anger,

[1:09:56] but if I'm angrily zapping you and you reflected at me,

[1:10:00] then everything's cool.

[1:10:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:01] And, like, the thing that got me was she was like,

[1:10:04] yeah, I can't kill someone in anger,

[1:10:06] even if he's the evilest man in the world.

[1:10:08] I guess I'll just cold-blooded kill all these child soldiers

S5

[1:10:11] that are in armor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:12] They have masks, so I can't see their faces.

[1:10:13] They're not people to me.

[1:10:15] Yeah.

[1:10:15] Anyway, Poe Dameron, he's like,

[1:10:16] we gotta get out...

[1:10:16] There's a bunch of crap about how they have to blow up the pipe.

[1:10:18] He's a general at this point, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:20] He's a general.

[1:10:20] Might want to call him General Dameron.

[1:10:22] Sorry, General Dameron.

[1:10:23] Show him the respect of his rank.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:25] You gotta respect the rank,

[1:10:26] even though I don't respect the man who holds it.

[1:10:28] Like, they've got this...

[1:10:29] They gotta destroy a transmitter

[1:10:30] because the Star Destroyers can't...

[1:10:32] not crash into each other with a transmitter.

[1:10:34] And he's like,

[1:10:35] we'll send out a message for all the volunteers.

[1:10:36] We're gonna Dunkirk this.

[1:10:38] We're gonna have a fleet of civilian ships come in.

[1:10:40] But nobody's showing up.

[1:10:41] I also love that...

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:42] I love that they also, like,

[1:10:44] made a point of being like,

[1:10:45] in the last movie,

[1:10:46] we tried to get people to show up,

[1:10:48] but they wouldn't

[1:10:49] because the movie wasn't as good.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:52] I mean, the charitable...

[1:10:54] Look, there is a charitable, like, interpretation,

[1:10:57] which is...

[1:10:57] Yeah, go on.

[1:10:58] They have to try and get everyone to show up

[1:11:00] in the last movie

[1:11:00] and them not come

[1:11:02] for it to pay off in this movie

[1:11:03] that they do come.

[1:11:04] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:04] I didn't take that as necessarily common in the last one.

[1:11:06] But it did...

[1:11:07] What bothered me was

[1:11:08] they all show up

[1:11:09] and he's like,

[1:11:09] they did it!

[1:11:10] We did it!

[1:11:11] I am the greatest!

[1:11:12] Take that, dead Laura Dern!

[1:11:14] I'm the greatest!

[1:11:15] But then they show up

[1:11:16] and Richard E. Grant,

[1:11:18] who I love,

[1:11:19] he's great in everything,

[1:11:20] he says...

[1:11:20] Wait, wait, wait.

[1:11:21] He says,

[1:11:22] what are these ships?

[1:11:23] They don't have a fleet.

[1:11:24] And his second-in-command goes,

[1:11:26] it's not a fleet,

[1:11:27] it's just people.

[1:11:28] And I was like,

[1:11:29] movie,

[1:11:30] Richard E. Grant is a person.

[1:11:32] The Emperor is a person

[1:11:33] when it comes down to it.

[1:11:34] All the stormtroopers are people.

[1:11:35] The bad guys are also people.

[1:11:37] So, like,

[1:11:38] you have now set up a dichotomy

[1:11:39] where the rebels are good

[1:11:41] because I guess they don't have uniforms,

[1:11:43] whereas the bad guys are inhuman

[1:11:44] and can just be just...

[1:11:45] He means civilians, Elliot.

[1:11:47] Then say,

[1:11:48] they don't,

[1:11:48] then here's what they should have said.

[1:11:49] They should have said,

[1:11:51] they don't have a fleet

[1:11:52] and the second man should have said,

[1:11:54] I suppose they do now.

[1:11:56] And then you don't bring up

[1:11:56] this question in my mind of like,

[1:11:57] so I guess the bad guys

[1:11:58] can be killed with impunity

[1:11:59] because they're not human beings.

[1:12:01] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:01] They're just monsters?

[1:12:03] Well, you're ruining the thing

[1:12:04] I was going to say,

[1:12:05] which is like,

[1:12:05] I know that this...

[1:12:06] I don't know what you loved that moment.

[1:12:07] Well, no, this is a...

[1:12:07] I know this is a rip-off.

[1:12:11] I mean, it's not a rip-off.

[1:12:12] It's a rip-off of Dunkirk,

[1:12:13] the real thing that happens.

[1:12:14] You've seen it in plenty of movies.

[1:12:16] You've seen it in life in Dunkirk,

[1:12:18] but like...

[1:12:19] I mean, I wasn't there.

[1:12:21] I wasn't on the beaches.

[1:12:22] There was that time

[1:12:23] where my friends Bill and Ted

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:24] took me back

[1:12:25] to look at some shit for class.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:27] What I'm going to say is like,

[1:12:29] this movie comes so soon

[1:12:34] on the heels of Avengers Endgame

[1:12:39] where like the same thing happens.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:41] Oh, and it was...

[1:12:42] I was...

[1:12:43] It was so much more powerful for me

[1:12:45] in Avengers Endgame.

[1:12:46] Yes.

[1:12:46] And I think partly because

[1:12:47] other than Lando and...

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:49] You get to see Giant Man

[1:12:51] punch a flying space worm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:52] I mean, that's always my favorite thing

[1:12:54] in any of the Avengers movies

[1:12:55] is seeing him as Giant Man.

[1:12:56] When in Civil War,

[1:12:57] when he grew up as Giant Man

[1:12:58] and ripped the wing off a plane,

[1:12:59] I was like,

[1:12:59] this is why I went to see this movie.

[1:13:01] Except...

Dan McCoy

[1:13:01] I didn't know it was happening,

[1:13:03] but I've always wanted to see this.

[1:13:04] Except Elliot.

[1:13:05] He has the strength of a man

[1:13:07] when he's small.

[1:13:08] Why does he have the strength

[1:13:09] of a superman when he's big?

[1:13:11] Because his muscles are huge.

S5

[1:13:12] Also, Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:13] if that's the thing...

[1:13:14] But his molecules are further apart.

[1:13:15] Dan,

[1:13:16] these movies are also asking you

[1:13:18] to believe

[1:13:18] that the Norse mythology

[1:13:19] is the one true religion

[1:13:21] because we've seen those gods

S5

[1:13:22] and we know that

[1:13:23] that is the underworld that exists.

[1:13:25] So if you're willing to buy that,

[1:13:26] then maybe you can buy

[1:13:27] that this guy gets super strong

[1:13:28] when he's Giant.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:29] And it also posits the idea

[1:13:32] that Benedict Cumberbatch's character

[1:13:34] is actually speaking

[1:13:35] with a normal New York accent,

[1:13:37] which that's a crazy accent, guys.

[1:13:39] It is crazy.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:39] I did want to say, though,

[1:13:41] even though it was scooped by Avengers

[1:13:43] and even though this is like

[1:13:45] a cheap moment designed

[1:13:47] to make me emotional,

[1:13:48] I did get a little emotional

[1:13:50] when everyone showed up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:51] I think I would have gotten

[1:13:52] more emotional

[1:13:52] if there were more characters

[1:13:54] that I was seeing

[1:13:55] that were not new to this movie.

[1:13:58] I don't really care

[1:13:59] if Cary Russell shows up

[1:14:00] at the end.

[1:14:00] That is not a character

[1:14:01] that has not been built up for me.

[1:14:03] Lando, we saw already earlier

[1:14:04] in the movie,

[1:14:05] so it's not a big surprise.

[1:14:06] We get to see Wedge.

[1:14:07] Wedge is coming, baby.

[1:14:08] Great.

[1:14:08] Wedge.

[1:14:09] Fantastic.

[1:14:10] But I was trying to think

[1:14:13] why is it so affecting to me

[1:14:14] in Endgame?

[1:14:15] And even in Endgame,

[1:14:15] at a certain point,

[1:14:17] it was just like,

[1:14:17] don't forget me, boss.

[1:14:18] And what about me, boss?

[1:14:19] And over here, boss.

[1:14:20] But I think it was because

[1:14:21] one movie ago,

[1:14:23] we had seen a lot

[1:14:23] of those characters die.

[1:14:25] But also that those movies

[1:14:27] were spaced out

[1:14:28] just in a different way.

[1:14:29] And I felt like,

[1:14:30] it was weird because it's like,

[1:14:31] oh, I feel with the Marvel movies,

[1:14:34] it was like we're seeing

[1:14:34] all these characters

[1:14:35] that have been built up

[1:14:37] over years

[1:14:37] all in one scene

[1:14:39] for the first time.

[1:14:40] But with Star Wars,

[1:14:41] I was like,

[1:14:41] I should be feeling that too.

[1:14:42] These are characters I've seen

[1:14:43] for my entire life.

[1:14:45] Except that for some of the,

[1:14:47] I think they ruined

[1:14:48] some of the impact

[1:14:48] by having like,

[1:14:50] having Lando show up,

[1:14:51] having Han show up,

[1:14:53] having Leia playing

[1:14:53] such a big part up till then,

[1:14:55] having Luke already

[1:14:56] have shown up.

[1:14:57] It was like,

[1:14:57] the idea of all these characters

[1:14:58] coming back was not as exciting

[1:15:00] when we've already seen them

[1:15:00] come back in that movie.

[1:15:02] You know?

[1:15:02] So I don't know.

[1:15:03] I could be wrong.

[1:15:04] But for some reason,

[1:15:04] it just didn't have the same.

[1:15:05] Maybe.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:05] I just don't know

[1:15:05] how you square that circle

[1:15:06] because you want to see

[1:15:07] those characters come back

[1:15:08] earlier in the story

[1:15:10] than like,

[1:15:10] at the very last moment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:11] I think you,

[1:15:12] I think you,

[1:15:13] I mean,

[1:15:14] part of it is just

[1:15:14] dig deeper

[1:15:15] and get some more characters.

[1:15:15] Why isn't Momon Adan

[1:15:16] that there?

[1:15:17] Where's Dengar?

[1:15:18] Come on.

[1:15:19] Bring them all back.

[1:15:20] Where's Salacious Crumb

[1:15:21] piloting somebody

[1:15:21] just laughing his full head off?

[1:15:23] Come on.

[1:15:24] Anyway,

[1:15:24] while they're,

[1:15:25] now that there's a lot of ships,

[1:15:26] it's the law of-

[1:15:27] I was just mad

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:27] there wasn't a scene

[1:15:28] where BB-8

[1:15:29] got to beat the shit

[1:15:30] out of BB-9-E.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:33] I mean,

[1:15:33] I was mad that

[1:15:34] R2 barely came back.

[1:15:36] Like,

[1:15:36] if there's ever a character

[1:15:37] I wanted to see

[1:15:37] play a big part,

[1:15:38] it's R2.

[1:15:39] Instead,

[1:15:39] BB-8 has one moment.

[1:15:41] R2 like,

[1:15:41] has a moment

[1:15:42] where he gets zapped

[1:15:42] and Poe's using him

[1:15:43] in his ship

[1:15:44] and I was like,

[1:15:44] Poe,

[1:15:45] since why are you

[1:15:45] and R2 like best buds?

[1:15:47] Like,

[1:15:47] your BB-8's dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:49] I'd already mentioned this

[1:15:50] that they pushed

[1:15:51] the release of an episode

[1:15:52] of The Mandalorian up

[1:15:53] so that they could

[1:15:54] show off a force power

[1:15:55] so fans wouldn't see it

[1:15:56] for the first time

[1:15:57] in the movie

[1:15:57] and get mad.

[1:15:59] But,

[1:16:00] I was kind of bummed

[1:16:02] that like,

[1:16:03] man,

[1:16:03] Carl Weathers

[1:16:03] should have shown up

[1:16:04] or Gina Carano

[1:16:06] or Baby-

[1:16:07] well,

[1:16:07] Baby Yoda,

[1:16:08] of course.

[1:16:08] If Baby Yoda

[1:16:09] showed up flying a plane

[1:16:11] at the end,

[1:16:11] that would have been amazing.

[1:16:12] I mean,

[1:16:13] these,

[1:16:13] I think-

[1:16:14] I would have thrown

[1:16:15] somebody else's popcorn

[1:16:16] in the air.

[1:16:16] I wasn't eating popcorn

[1:16:17] at that point.

[1:16:17] And like you're saying,

[1:16:18] coffee corn should have been there.

[1:16:19] at four in the morning.

S5

[1:16:22] Dash Rendar should have been there.

[1:16:23] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:24] And if they were rendered

[1:16:26] exactly as they were

[1:16:27] in the original video game.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:29] Mara Jade is there,

[1:16:30] just his text,

[1:16:31] you know.

[1:16:31] But,

[1:16:32] I think the,

[1:16:33] I don't know,

[1:16:34] for some reason

[1:16:34] it just didn't,

[1:16:35] because of the law-

[1:16:36] General Grievous was there.

[1:16:38] I mean,

[1:16:38] he's dead,

[1:16:39] but sure,

[1:16:39] they're all coming back.

[1:16:40] Yeah, why not?

[1:16:41] I think the law of movie plot

[1:16:43] means that

[1:16:44] when it's time

[1:16:45] for the good guys to win,

[1:16:46] all the bad guy super machines

[1:16:47] are suddenly incredibly vulnerable.

[1:16:49] So a couple shots

[1:16:49] just takes out

[1:16:50] their big plan

[1:16:51] of destroying spaceship dicks.

[1:16:52] Meanwhile,

[1:16:53] Rey is effectively killed

[1:16:55] by the Emperor, right?

[1:16:56] And who shows up?

[1:16:57] Kylo Ren.

[1:16:58] He's a good guy now.

[1:16:59] He fights all of his

[1:17:00] Knights of Ren,

[1:17:00] which we don't get to see

[1:17:01] that much of.

[1:17:02] Yeah, they're boring.

[1:17:03] And he shows up,

[1:17:05] and, oh no,

[1:17:06] that's when it's like,

[1:17:07] oh, your friendship

[1:17:08] is so powerful.

[1:17:09] You are this fabled

[1:17:10] Jedi friendship

[1:17:11] that only appears

[1:17:12] once every thousand years.

[1:17:13] And it's like,

[1:17:14] call love, Falpatine.

[1:17:15] It happens all the time.

[1:17:16] Maybe it's weird to you.

[1:17:17] And he sucks

[1:17:18] their friendship out.

[1:17:19] That's when he gets

[1:17:19] super powerful.

[1:17:20] And what happens?

[1:17:22] Like, Kylo Ren,

[1:17:23] Rey does the thing

[1:17:25] where she has

[1:17:25] two lightsabers,

[1:17:26] and she reflects

[1:17:27] the lightning bolts

[1:17:28] back at him,

[1:17:29] and he dissolves,

[1:17:30] and his skin's tearing up.

[1:17:30] Well, no,

[1:17:30] but before that happens,

Dan McCoy

[1:17:32] she calls on the power

[1:17:34] of all the Jedis

[1:17:35] that came before her.

[1:17:35] Oh, right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:36] Uh-huh.

[1:17:36] Oh, then they're all like,

[1:17:38] I'm with you.

[1:17:38] Here with you,

[1:17:39] I am too.

[1:17:40] Like that kind of stuff.

[1:17:41] It's me,

[1:17:41] Ki-Adi-Mundi.

[1:17:43] I mean,

[1:17:44] you hear Mace Windu

[1:17:45] for a moment, right?

[1:17:45] Yeah, I think so.

[1:17:46] Yeah, and you probably hear like,

[1:17:47] And he's like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:48] the fucking king

[1:17:49] of reflecting shit

[1:17:50] on Sidious, right?

[1:17:52] Sidious hears that voice

[1:17:54] and he's like,

[1:17:54] fuck,

[1:17:55] I'm gonna need a new face.

S5

[1:17:57] Kit Pisto's there.

[1:17:59] Yeah, and I have to assume

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:59] Kyle Katarn

[1:18:00] because he became a Jedi

[1:18:01] in the second game.

[1:18:04] And so they're all there,

[1:18:05] and that's right,

[1:18:06] I forgot.

[1:18:06] Alcanane?

[1:18:07] Sorry, go ahead.

[1:18:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1:18:09] She calls on all that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:10] Whatever the character I named

[1:18:11] in Knights of the Old Republic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:14] And Kulik Eldroma is there.

[1:18:16] Yeah, sure.

[1:18:17] And Rey uses that

[1:18:19] to deflect it

[1:18:20] with the lightsabers,

[1:18:21] and she did a great job

[1:18:22] of getting across

[1:18:23] something that

[1:18:24] no actor is trained to do,

[1:18:27] which is,

[1:18:27] they're like,

[1:18:27] okay, now you have to pretend

[1:18:29] you're pushing against

[1:18:29] something really hard

[1:18:30] and it's made out of force bolts

[1:18:32] or whatever.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:32] No actor?

[1:18:33] Mimes Elliot.

[1:18:34] Oh, yeah.

[1:18:35] They've been training

[1:18:36] their whole life to that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:37] Now I wish you'd been

[1:18:38] taking mime training

[1:18:39] earlier in the movie

[1:18:40] and it came into effect here.

[1:18:41] And the lightning

[1:18:43] dissolves Palpatine

[1:18:45] and the planet

[1:18:46] releases a huge thing

[1:18:48] of energy

[1:18:48] which kills

[1:18:49] all of his followers

[1:18:49] and it's like,

[1:18:51] uh, like again,

[1:18:52] that was like a thousand people

[1:18:53] and I guess maybe they're,

[1:18:55] we'll chalk that up

S5

[1:18:56] to Palpatine's casualties?

[1:18:57] I don't know.

[1:18:57] I kind of feel like

[1:18:58] that was Rey's fault.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:58] I mean, as they're dying,

[1:18:59] they're all like,

[1:19:00] it was worth the wait.

S5

[1:19:03] This is the show?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:05] And, uh,

[1:19:06] and Rey is like,

[1:19:08] oh, I'm dead now.

[1:19:09] And Kylo Ren is like,

[1:19:11] mm, I learned a thing or two

[1:19:12] about force healing.

[1:19:13] And he brings her back to life

[1:19:15] and they kiss

[1:19:16] and then Kylo dies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:18] And then he dies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:19] And you know he's dead for real

[1:19:20] because he disappears

[1:19:21] and his clothes fall to the ground.

[1:19:22] Mm-hmm.

[1:19:23] Uh,

[1:19:23] because that's how a real Jedi dies,

[1:19:24] Dan.

[1:19:25] Uh-huh.

[1:19:25] I learned that watching

[1:19:26] the Dark Crystal.

[1:19:29] And, uh,

[1:19:30] now,

[1:19:30] they blow up the bad guy spaceships.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:32] Now that the Emperor's dead,

[1:19:33] uh,

[1:19:34] I'm not a huge fan of the Emperor

[1:19:35] showing back up in this movie.

[1:19:37] I think it's really dumb

[1:19:37] that he shows up.

[1:19:38] Uh,

[1:19:38] they wait to reveal him

[1:19:39] until the very last movie

[1:19:40] and he's,

[1:19:42] I don't know,

[1:19:42] it's just stupid.

[1:19:43] But the,

[1:19:44] I don't know if

[1:19:45] I would have preferred,

[1:19:46] I don't know if I think

[1:19:47] it's cool that,

[1:19:48] like,

[1:19:49] he's a physical body.

[1:19:51] I wish if he was a physical body

[1:19:52] they played up more

[1:19:53] the idea that he was a clone

[1:19:54] and specifically that,

[1:19:56] like,

[1:19:56] because he's a Sith

[1:19:58] he can't live on

[1:19:59] after death.

[1:20:00] Like,

[1:20:00] he's obsessed with,

[1:20:02] like,

[1:20:02] unlike a Jedi,

[1:20:04] he can't,

[1:20:04] he can't come back as a ghost

[1:20:05] so he's gotta keep

[1:20:06] transferring his consciousness

[1:20:07] to bodies.

[1:20:08] Or if,

[1:20:09] or if,

[1:20:10] I think he should have

[1:20:11] just been a weird spirit

[1:20:12] that they couldn't fight

[1:20:13] but is more this,

[1:20:14] like,

[1:20:14] feeling of darkness.

[1:20:15] But,

[1:20:15] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:16] I think those are both

[1:20:17] super great,

[1:20:18] valid ways to do it.

[1:20:19] I've,

[1:20:19] I've been on the record,

[1:20:20] I think,

[1:20:21] before I was saying,

[1:20:22] I don't,

[1:20:22] I've never liked the Emperor

[1:20:23] as a character.

[1:20:24] I feel like he tips it

[1:20:25] too far from

[1:20:26] iconic,

[1:20:27] legendary status

[1:20:28] into

[1:20:28] child's fairy tale status.

[1:20:30] Yeah.

[1:20:30] And I just don't buy

[1:20:32] that this huge

[1:20:32] intergalactic empire

[1:20:34] is run by

[1:20:34] a creepy old wizard man

[1:20:36] who uses a,

[1:20:37] like,

[1:20:37] a twisted black cane.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:38] Yeah,

[1:20:38] what about that part

[1:20:39] at the end of

[1:20:40] The Phantom Menace

[1:20:41] where he's like,

[1:20:42] oh,

[1:20:42] Mr. Skywalker,

[1:20:43] I'll be watching you

[1:20:44] with extreme interest

[1:20:46] or whatever the fuck

[1:20:46] he says.

[1:20:48] And you're like,

[1:20:49] Sheev,

[1:20:49] you fucking dirty dog,

[1:20:51] I know what you're up to.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:52] the,

[1:20:53] the,

[1:20:54] but I think it's,

[1:20:55] it's,

[1:20:56] it feels like such a,

[1:20:58] yeah,

[1:20:58] it's just a disappointment

[1:20:59] when you see him show up

[1:21:00] in the beginning

[1:21:00] because it's like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:01] Are you texting all your friends

[1:21:02] about Emperor Palpatine

[1:21:02] right now?

[1:21:03] Totally.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:04] It's like,

[1:21:05] it's like,

[1:21:05] it feels like it should,

[1:21:06] whether you're,

[1:21:07] you're really paying

[1:21:08] close attention to texting

[1:21:08] during the,

[1:21:09] during the recording

[1:21:10] that it's,

[1:21:11] that they should,

[1:21:11] they should,

[1:21:12] the opening call should be like,

[1:21:13] episode nine.

[1:21:14] It is a time of lack

[1:21:15] of imagination

[1:21:15] in the universe.

[1:21:16] The Emperor's back.

[1:21:17] We couldn't think

[1:21:18] of a better bad guy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:18] Is that open with like,

[1:21:20] episode nine,

[1:21:21] The Dead Speak?

[1:21:22] Something like that,

[1:21:23] yeah.

[1:21:23] Well,

[1:21:23] I mean,

[1:21:24] because they're referring

[1:21:24] to the fact that of course

[1:21:26] if you'd been playing

[1:21:26] the video game Fortnite,

[1:21:27] you would have heard messages

[1:21:28] from Emperor Palpatine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:30] Well,

[1:21:31] that's the thing,

[1:21:31] like if they had started

[1:21:32] the movie with these

[1:21:33] mysterious messages

[1:21:34] that say they're from Palpatine

[1:21:35] and it's a mystery

[1:21:36] whether he's actually back

[1:21:37] or not,

[1:21:38] I think that would have

[1:21:38] been really cool.

[1:21:39] There's something really

[1:21:40] disappointing about him

[1:21:41] just showing up

[1:21:42] in the first scene

[1:21:42] and being like,

[1:21:43] Hey,

[1:21:43] sup,

[1:21:43] Kylo,

[1:21:44] it's me,

[1:21:45] Palp,

[1:21:45] I'm back,

[1:21:46] my buddy.

[1:21:46] That was the thing,

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:47] like that opening scene,

[1:21:48] I was like,

[1:21:49] uh-oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:51] Like the movie gets off

[1:21:52] on the wrong foot

[1:21:53] and it's partly because

[1:21:55] it's like,

[1:21:56] there's no,

[1:21:58] like I don't want

[1:21:58] a lot of mystery

[1:21:59] from a Star Wars movie

[1:22:00] but I want like,

[1:22:01] storytelling?

[1:22:02] I do feel like the trilogy,

[1:22:03] That's a rough thing

[1:22:03] for me to say,

[1:22:04] I shouldn't say that.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:04] The trilogy writes itself

[1:22:05] into kind of a weird place

[1:22:07] and I don't know

[1:22:08] what to do about it

[1:22:10] because like,

[1:22:10] look,

[1:22:11] like for me,

[1:22:12] Kylo Ren is actually

[1:22:13] one of the best things

[1:22:15] about the new trilogy.

[1:22:15] Yeah,

[1:22:16] I like him a lot.

[1:22:16] Like,

[1:22:17] Adam Driver's great

[1:22:18] in the role

[1:22:18] and it's an interesting

[1:22:19] conception of the role.

[1:22:20] Like,

[1:22:20] we've seen like,

[1:22:21] the conflicted bad guy

[1:22:22] before but only like,

[1:22:24] kind of at the end

[1:22:25] of the Dark,

[1:22:25] Darth Vader,

[1:22:26] Dark Vader,

[1:22:27] the Darth Vader arc.

[1:22:28] Dark,

[1:22:29] Dark Vapor is the,

S5

[1:22:30] is the bootleg toy

[1:22:31] that you find.

[1:22:32] No,

[1:22:32] but like,

[1:22:33] like at a street fair

[1:22:33] next to a socks.

[1:22:34] It's interesting to see

[1:22:35] like,

Dan McCoy

[1:22:36] the whole arc

[1:22:37] of these movies,

[1:22:38] like he is like,

[1:22:39] this emo guy

[1:22:41] who's trying really hard

[1:22:42] to be bad

[1:22:43] even though something's

[1:22:44] pulling him good

[1:22:45] and that's interesting

[1:22:46] but you do write yourself

[1:22:47] into a corner

[1:22:48] and I wonder how

[1:22:50] this last movie would go

[1:22:51] if someone else did it

[1:22:53] where like,

[1:22:54] you need someone

[1:22:55] to be the actual

[1:22:56] bad guy of the movie

[1:22:57] but you don't necessarily

[1:22:58] want that to be Kylo Ren

[1:23:00] because he's such a complex

[1:23:01] like,

[1:23:02] character at that point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:03] Yeah,

[1:23:04] yeah,

[1:23:04] I mean,

[1:23:04] I,

[1:23:05] I,

[1:23:05] I don't think,

[1:23:06] I feel like you could

[1:23:07] have done this movie.

[1:23:09] Obviously,

[1:23:09] this is stupid

[1:23:10] that I'm doing this

[1:23:10] like backseat.

[1:23:11] I'm trying to rewrite

[1:23:12] a fucking Star Wars movie

[1:23:13] right now.

[1:23:13] But like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:14] these movies are incredibly

[1:23:14] hard to make.

[1:23:15] There's a lot of

[1:23:16] expectations on them

[1:23:17] and there's a schedule

[1:23:17] to hit.

[1:23:18] Like,

[1:23:18] it's hard.

[1:23:18] You know,

[1:23:19] it's not easy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:19] That's part of the,

[1:23:20] part of the thing

[1:23:20] that felt,

[1:23:21] I felt strongest about

[1:23:22] was how rushed

[1:23:24] the whole thing felt

[1:23:25] more than any

[1:23:26] of the other Star Wars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:27] Which is strange

[1:23:27] because Force Awakens,

[1:23:28] I know,

[1:23:28] they really had to rush.

[1:23:30] Like,

[1:23:30] the release date

[1:23:31] was announced

[1:23:31] and they had,

[1:23:32] I don't know,

[1:23:33] what,

[1:23:33] a year and a half

[1:23:33] to make that movie

[1:23:34] from start of scripting

[1:23:35] to finish of production

[1:23:37] and then release.

[1:23:38] And that comes together

[1:23:39] but that,

[1:23:40] I guess that's being

[1:23:40] carried along

[1:23:41] by the excitement

[1:23:41] of new things

[1:23:42] and old things.

[1:23:43] Yeah.

[1:23:43] And this,

[1:23:44] it's hard to have

[1:23:44] a culmination

[1:23:45] that,

[1:23:45] that really is like,

[1:23:47] that pulls it up.

[1:23:48] But anyway,

[1:23:48] you were saying,

[1:23:48] I interrupted you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:49] No,

[1:23:49] like,

[1:23:50] I mean,

[1:23:50] I feel like you,

[1:23:51] if you,

[1:23:52] the focus of the movie

[1:23:53] was on Rey

[1:23:54] and Kylo's relationship

[1:23:55] and Kylo is now

[1:23:57] in charge of this

[1:23:58] whole fucking big army

[1:24:00] and then you have

[1:24:01] the idea of like

[1:24:02] a mysterious message

[1:24:03] from Palpatine,

[1:24:03] is it from Palpatine or not?

[1:24:05] And that pushes

[1:24:06] both of them,

[1:24:07] like,

[1:24:08] Kylo's obviously angry

[1:24:09] that somebody else

[1:24:10] is like claiming

[1:24:11] to be the supreme

[1:24:12] dark side dude

[1:24:13] so he starts acting out

[1:24:14] and it forces

[1:24:15] a confrontation

[1:24:15] between the two of them

[1:24:16] and then,

[1:24:17] over the course of that

[1:24:18] he realizes that,

[1:24:19] you know,

[1:24:19] whatever,

[1:24:20] he's not a bad,

[1:24:20] you know,

[1:24:21] whatever,

[1:24:21] he's a good dude

[1:24:22] and that Hux

[1:24:23] is the real bad guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:24] Here's the way

[1:24:25] I would have done it.

[1:24:26] Okay.

[1:24:26] Here's just one of many ways.

[1:24:28] This is backseat,

[1:24:28] I was,

[1:24:29] I'm gonna be,

[1:24:30] this is a little segment

[1:24:30] I'm gonna call

[1:24:31] backseat Adam Driver

[1:24:32] where I tell you

[1:24:33] how I would have done it

[1:24:34] is,

[1:24:35] you start off,

[1:24:36] there's these,

[1:24:36] it's,

[1:24:37] Kylo Ren and Rey

[1:24:38] have this weird

[1:24:39] kind of relationship

[1:24:40] but they are also

[1:24:41] the leaders of enemy forces

[1:24:43] and like you're saying,

[1:24:44] Kylo Ren is struggling

[1:24:45] with this dark side

[1:24:46] aspect of him

[1:24:46] and because,

[1:24:47] or struggling with

[1:24:48] the light side aspect of him.

[1:24:49] He wants to be a bad guy.

[1:24:51] It's,

[1:24:51] because to be a bad guy

[1:24:52] is to be emotionally invulnerable

[1:24:54] and to be a good guy

[1:24:55] is to open yourself

[1:24:56] up to feelings like

[1:24:57] love and insecurity

[1:24:58] and relying on other people

[1:25:00] and he can't abide that.

[1:25:01] He can't abide the weakness

[1:25:02] inside himself

[1:25:02] that all people have.

[1:25:03] So he wants to be Darth Vader

[1:25:04] who he believes

[1:25:05] had no weakness

[1:25:06] because he doesn't know

[1:25:06] that Darth Vader went,

[1:25:07] no,

[1:25:08] when he found out

[1:25:09] that his wife had passed

[1:25:10] and that Darth Vader was,

[1:25:12] How's my girlfriend?

[1:25:13] That Darth Vader

[1:25:14] was the weakest thing of all,

[1:25:16] a deadbeat dad.

[1:25:17] But anyway,

[1:25:18] that,

[1:25:19] so he,

[1:25:19] but there's these mysterious

[1:25:20] messages start appearing,

[1:25:23] I don't know,

[1:25:23] over the radio

[1:25:24] or something

[1:25:24] or to force sensitive people

[1:25:26] all over the galaxy

[1:25:27] because we've established

[1:25:27] in the last movie

[1:25:28] there are people

[1:25:29] are force sensitive all over.

[1:25:30] Little boys can use the force

[1:25:31] to put brooms in their hands,

[1:25:33] you know,

[1:25:33] and if a little boy

[1:25:34] can put a broom on his hands

[1:25:35] then we can make a pencil

[1:25:35] out of leaves,

[1:25:36] Dan.

[1:25:38] Elliot is like tapping me.

[1:25:39] Elliot knows how to pitch

[1:25:40] to his audience.

[1:25:41] I'm like,

[1:25:41] you like this,

[1:25:42] right?

[1:25:43] So here's what happens next.

[1:25:44] Here's what happens next.

[1:25:45] Get a load of this.

[1:25:45] See if this grabs you.

[1:25:46] So they,

[1:25:47] and they're,

[1:25:48] so they're battling

[1:25:49] and Kylo Ren

[1:25:50] is getting more and more

[1:25:50] distracted by trying to figure out

[1:25:52] who this Palpatine guy is.

[1:25:53] And the heroes are like,

[1:25:55] well,

[1:25:55] if Palpatine's back,

[1:25:56] obviously he's the real villain.

[1:25:58] We gotta go after him.

[1:25:59] And I would have it

[1:26:00] turn out at the end

[1:26:01] that Kylo Ren

[1:26:02] is a,

[1:26:04] basically a split personality.

[1:26:05] And he's been making this happen.

[1:26:07] The dark side of him is,

[1:26:09] if anything,

[1:26:09] disgusted with the light side of him

[1:26:11] and is trying to pull away.

[1:26:12] And if,

[1:26:13] either goad him

[1:26:14] into being worse

[1:26:15] or create some sort of

[1:26:17] force,

[1:26:17] emperor entity

[1:26:18] like you're talking about.

[1:26:19] And so the way that Kylo Ren

[1:26:20] can defeat this,

[1:26:22] and this makes it more of a

[1:26:22] Kylo Ren movie

[1:26:23] than a Rey movie,

[1:26:24] you'd have to come up

[1:26:24] with what Rey's plot is,

[1:26:26] is that he is figuring out

[1:26:28] that he is not a slave

[1:26:31] basically to the dark side

[1:26:32] of his passions

[1:26:33] and things like that.

[1:26:34] Sure.

[1:26:34] But I would so much more like,

[1:26:35] that would play into

[1:26:36] the duality of it somewhat.

[1:26:38] And focus on these characters

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:40] instead of just like

[1:26:41] dumb bullshit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:42] And instead of sending

[1:26:43] Rey and her pals

[1:26:44] on a treasure hunt

[1:26:45] to find like

[1:26:46] one item after another.

[1:26:47] But that,

[1:26:48] I think,

[1:26:48] because that was part of

[1:26:49] what bugged me about the movie

[1:26:50] was it didn't feel

[1:26:50] like it was about

[1:26:51] the characters in the movie.

[1:26:53] Like Star Wars,

[1:26:54] you could say,

[1:26:54] has a MacGuffin in it.

[1:26:55] It's got the Death Star plans.

[1:26:56] But it's very clearly

[1:26:57] this is a movie about like

[1:26:58] Luke's journey

[1:26:59] and then it becomes

[1:27:00] about Han's journey too

[1:27:01] and it becomes a little bit

[1:27:02] about Leia's journey.

[1:27:03] And they all have trauma

[1:27:04] to deal with.

[1:27:05] Leia loses her entire planet.

[1:27:06] Luke loses a friend

[1:27:07] that he had made

[1:27:08] a couple days ago.

[1:27:09] Luke loses his

[1:27:10] surrogate parents, Elliot.

S5

[1:27:14] And also,

[1:27:15] yeah,

[1:27:15] but he doesn't like them.

[1:27:16] And his aunt and uncle.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:17] Well, no,

[1:27:18] he doesn't like

[1:27:18] he wants to see

[1:27:19] his hometown.

[1:27:20] He doesn't want to see

[1:27:21] like roasted skeletons.

[1:27:22] I don't like my hometown.

[1:27:22] I don't want to see

[1:27:23] my parents roasted

[1:27:24] by sand people.

[1:27:26] Stormtroopers' dad.

[1:27:28] Who pretend to be sand people.

[1:27:29] Who pretend to be sand people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:30] Sorry.

[1:27:30] And they prefer to be

[1:27:31] called Tusken Raiders.

[1:27:32] Sand people is a negative term.

[1:27:33] But this movie,

[1:27:35] it kind of felt like

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:36] But stormtroopers

[1:27:36] never actually shoot people, right?

[1:27:39] It's the one time storm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:40] Well, stormtroopers

[1:27:41] can shoot civilians.

[1:27:42] That's what they're good at.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:43] They can set

[1:27:44] a non-flammable hut on fire.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:46] And so it's like

[1:27:47] they were trying

[1:27:48] to make this story.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:50] Civilian's armor class

[1:27:51] is much lower

[1:27:52] so it's easier to hit them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:53] They were trying

[1:27:54] to make this story

[1:27:54] about Rey

[1:27:55] kind of finding herself.

[1:27:56] Who is she

[1:27:56] and who does she belong to

[1:27:57] and rejecting

[1:27:59] this legacy of evil.

[1:28:00] But it never quite felt

[1:28:02] like it was built

[1:28:03] around the character

[1:28:03] that we've come to know.

[1:28:05] I don't know.

[1:28:05] It felt like

[1:28:06] at points where

[1:28:06] it should have been about

[1:28:07] I just love

[1:28:08] the continuing message

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:10] that you can only have

[1:28:11] force powers

[1:28:12] if your parents

[1:28:12] had force powers.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:14] Let's wrap this all up

[1:28:15] though like

[1:28:16] just like the very end

[1:28:17] of the actual movie

[1:28:18] the synopsis.

[1:28:19] At the end of the movie

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:20] everyone's celebrating

[1:28:21] we did it.

[1:28:21] Yay!

[1:28:22] And this was

[1:28:23] the biggest piece

[1:28:24] of stupid fan service

S5

[1:28:25] is that someone

[1:28:26] hands Chewbacca a medal

[1:28:27] like here you go

[1:28:28] you got one finally.

[1:28:30] And I was like

[1:28:30] wow,

[1:28:31] they're really closing

[1:28:32] the loop on this thing

[1:28:33] that happened

[1:28:33] at the end

[1:28:33] of the first movie.

[1:28:35] And I said

[1:28:35] I had to pause the movie

[1:28:36] because I was watching

[1:28:37] a deal screener

[1:28:37] and call my wife

[1:28:38] over and go

[1:28:39] this was the dumbest moment.

[1:28:41] They're like

[1:28:41] finally we rectified

[1:28:42] the historic crime

[1:28:43] of Chewbacca

[1:28:44] not getting a medal.

[1:28:44] And then Danielle's like

Dan McCoy

[1:28:46] could I go to sleep now?

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:47] No, stay awake.

[1:28:48] Now the next thing

[1:28:49] you're going to see

[1:28:50] is somebody slap

[1:28:51] the cuffs on Ozymandias.

S5

[1:28:53] The only thing

[1:28:54] that would have made

[1:28:55] that scene more ridiculous

[1:28:56] to me is if they gave him

[1:28:56] the Cowardly Lion's Medal

[1:28:58] from The Wizard of Oz

[1:28:59] that just said

[1:28:59] courage in big letters

[1:29:00] on him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:01] So then

[1:29:02] and Ray goes

[1:29:03] to

[1:29:03] They translate

[1:29:05] Chewbacca's yowl

[1:29:06] that says

[1:29:06] this looks fake.

S5

[1:29:09] He takes a bite

[1:29:10] and there's chocolate

[1:29:11] inside.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:12] So Ray goes to

[1:29:14] Tatooine to Luke's

[1:29:15] old home.

[1:29:16] I'm sure it's the real set

[1:29:17] which is really there

[1:29:18] still in Tunisia

[1:29:19] being devoured

[1:29:19] by the desert

[1:29:20] slowly over time.

[1:29:22] And because Jedi

[1:29:23] have no bodies to bury

[1:29:24] and their ghosts

[1:29:24] just hang around

[1:29:25] to talk to you anyway

[1:29:26] so why bother?

[1:29:27] She buries

[1:29:28] Luke and Leia's

[1:29:29] lightsabers

[1:29:30] or is it Kylo Ren

[1:29:31] and I don't remember

[1:29:31] whose lightsabers they are.

[1:29:32] Yes, Luke and Leia

[1:29:33] and then

[1:29:35] Luke and Leia's

[1:29:36] ghosts are like

[1:29:37] thanks pal

[1:29:38] and then someone's like

[1:29:40] then an old lady

[1:29:41] who's just wandering by

[1:29:42] with her amazing

[1:29:42] beast of burden

[1:29:43] She's awesome, man.

[1:29:44] And she's like

[1:29:45] oh, who are you?

S5

[1:29:46] We don't get many

[1:29:46] strangers around these parts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:47] Last names only, please.

S5

[1:29:50] What's your name?

[1:29:50] She goes

[1:29:50] Ray

[1:29:51] Skywalker

[1:29:52] and I wanted

[1:29:53] and I get that

[1:29:55] she's taking on that mantle

[1:29:55] but I wanted

[1:29:56] Luke's ghost to be like

[1:29:57] whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[1:29:59] Hold on a second.

[1:30:00] You are not a Skywalker.

[1:30:01] Or a woman to be horrified.

[1:30:03] Hold on.

[1:30:04] Wait a minute.

[1:30:05] Like Anakin Skywalker,

[1:30:06] Darth Vader,

[1:30:07] guards, kill her.

[1:30:08] Luke Skywalker

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:09] who killed his aunt and uncle?

[1:30:11] You know

S5

[1:30:11] Luke Skywalker

[1:30:12] who kissed his sister

[1:30:14] on the lips once?

[1:30:16] So you think

[1:30:17] the people in Tatooine

[1:30:17] think Luke killed his aunt and uncle

[1:30:19] and then skipped town?

[1:30:20] That's a totally valid reading

[1:30:21] of what happened.

[1:30:22] I love the idea

[1:30:24] there's wanted posters

[1:30:25] for Luke all over

[1:30:26] Mos Eisley's face

[1:30:27] where he committed

[1:30:28] the worst crime

[1:30:29] aunt and uncle side.

[1:30:30] Last scene

Dan McCoy

[1:30:31] in the company

[1:30:33] of an old man

[1:30:34] who chopped off

[1:30:35] the arm

[1:30:36] of one of our upstandings.

[1:30:38] So this boy

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:39] I must beloved him.

[1:30:40] Growing up

[1:30:40] he seemed like such a quiet boy

[1:30:42] he kept shooting womp rats

[1:30:43] but that's normal, right?

S5

[1:30:44] All we know

[1:30:45] yeah, he killed animals

[1:30:46] as a youth

[1:30:46] he never wanted to do his chores

[1:30:48] so he was hanging out

[1:30:48] with those losers

[1:30:49] at Tashi Station.

[1:30:50] Next thing we know

[1:30:51] his house is on fire

[1:30:53] his aunt and uncle

[1:30:54] who only loved him

[1:30:55] are dead

[1:30:55] he's run away

[1:30:56] wearing just a karate gi

[1:30:58] with a crazy old man

[1:30:59] who lived out

[1:31:00] in the desert

[1:31:00] we heard they jumped ship

[1:31:01] with a pirate

[1:31:02] and a bear dog

[1:31:03] after going to

[1:31:06] a seedy spacer bar

[1:31:08] oh, that Luke Skywalker

[1:31:09] he is bad news.

[1:31:11] That is a totally

[1:31:12] valid reading

[1:31:13] for the local

[1:31:14] Tatooine gossips.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:17] Okay.

[1:31:17] That all being said

[1:31:19] the Tatooine Tattler

[1:31:20] we know

[1:31:21] that all

S5

[1:31:21] the local

[1:31:22] it comes in

[1:31:23] the most nicely

[1:31:24] penny saver

[1:31:25] the Tatooine Tattler

[1:31:26] it's this blind item

[1:31:28] which lugubrious

[1:31:29] hut was seen

[1:31:30] eyeing a certain

[1:31:32] six-breasted dancer

[1:31:33] our lips are sealed

[1:31:35] and it's by

[1:31:37] Gorindin

[1:31:38] it's the Tatooine Tattler

[1:31:39] by Gorindin

Dan McCoy

[1:31:40] that all being said

[1:31:42] for me

[1:31:46] like I know

[1:31:47] I know

[1:31:47] that the

S5

[1:31:48] which Mandalorian

[1:31:49] bounty hunter

[1:31:50] was seen

[1:31:50] yucking it up

[1:31:52] with those twin ladies

[1:31:53] that hang out

[1:31:53] of the bar

[1:31:54] for me

[1:31:55] they'll post

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:55] the picture

[1:31:56] when Han

[1:31:57] steps on Jabba's

[1:31:58] tail

[1:31:58] and they're like

[1:31:58] Jabba the nut

[1:32:00] sources tell me

S5

[1:32:03] that figurine

[1:32:04] to Anne

[1:32:04] and the modal

[1:32:04] nodes

[1:32:05] may be breaking

[1:32:05] up

[1:32:06] or recording

[1:32:07] a new album

[1:32:07] I guess

Dan McCoy

[1:32:08] time will tell

[1:32:08] I will say

[1:32:10] for me

[1:32:11] even though I know

[1:32:13] that that woman

[1:32:14] wandering by

[1:32:15] and asking

[1:32:16] Ray's name

[1:32:16] is the most

[1:32:17] egregious

[1:32:18] like set up

[1:32:19] for an emotional

[1:32:20] moment

[1:32:21] I did find

[1:32:22] the very end

[1:32:23] of this movie

[1:32:24] moving

[1:32:25] like the idea

[1:32:27] that Ray

[1:32:27] who like

[1:32:28] so

[1:32:29] so

[1:32:31] found it

[1:32:32] important

[1:32:33] to like

[1:32:33] think about

[1:32:34] who her parents

[1:32:34] were

[1:32:35] was like

[1:32:36] sort of

[1:32:38] disappointed

[1:32:38] to find out

[1:32:39] maybe that

[1:32:40] like

[1:32:40] well like

[1:32:42] felt

[1:32:42] like spent so much

[1:32:43] time thinking

[1:32:44] that her parents

[1:32:45] were bad people

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:46] and when we're

[1:32:47] first introduced

[1:32:48] to her

[1:32:48] she has nobody

[1:32:49] she has no one

[1:32:50] in the world

[1:32:50] she is totally

[1:32:51] alone

Dan McCoy

[1:32:51] yes

[1:32:52] and then like

[1:32:53] thinks her parents

[1:32:53] are bad people

[1:32:54] then finds

[1:32:55] that they were

[1:32:55] like killed

[1:32:57] because they were

[1:32:57] protecting her

[1:32:58] from a bad person

[1:32:59] and then had

[1:33:00] these like

[1:33:01] real people

[1:33:02] in her life

[1:33:02] that were

[1:33:03] surrogate

[1:33:05] parent figures

[1:33:06] to her

[1:33:06] I did find

[1:33:07] it moving

[1:33:08] that she took

[1:33:09] on their name

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:09] and we can

[1:33:10] leave aside

[1:33:11] the fact

[1:33:11] that her

[1:33:11] surrogate father

[1:33:12] and surrogate mother

[1:33:13] are siblings

[1:33:14] sure

[1:33:15] and the weirdness

[1:33:15] although I guess

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:16] you know what

[1:33:16] and they got

[1:33:17] blasted

[1:33:18] Harry Potter style

[1:33:19] that's Anne of

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:20] Green Gables

[1:33:20] and I can't

[1:33:21] find fault

[1:33:21] with that

[1:33:22] because Anne's

[1:33:22] surrogate parents

[1:33:23] eventually are

[1:33:24] basically

[1:33:24] Marilla and

S5

[1:33:25] what's

[1:33:26] why can't I

[1:33:27] remember that

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:28] I don't know

[1:33:28] I read the book

[1:33:29] so long

[1:33:30] anyway

[1:33:30] the brother and

[1:33:31] sister who

[1:33:31] take her in

[1:33:32] and then

[1:33:32] they become

[1:33:34] kind of her

[1:33:34] family

[1:33:35] so after

[1:33:36] bearing those

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:36] lightsabers

[1:33:37] does she have

[1:33:37] a cool

[1:33:38] lightsaber

[1:33:38] anymore Dan

Dan McCoy

[1:33:39] she has

[1:33:39] another

[1:33:40] that she

[1:33:40] apparently

[1:33:41] built herself

[1:33:41] cool

[1:33:42] what color

[1:33:42] is that

[1:33:42] it's like

[1:33:43] white

[1:33:43] I guess

[1:33:44] what

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:44] and it's got

[1:33:45] kind of a

[1:33:45] dial on

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:46] it

[1:33:46] a cool

[1:33:47] new

[1:33:48] it's like

[1:33:48] a hipster

[1:33:49] retro

[1:33:49] rotary

[1:33:50] so I

[1:33:52] think

[1:33:52] yeah Dan

[1:33:54] I think

[1:33:54] you were

[1:33:54] moved more

[1:33:55] by this

[1:33:55] movie than

[1:33:55] I was

[1:33:56] I think

[1:33:56] I found

[1:33:56] it more

[1:33:57] to be honest

[1:33:58] like

[1:33:59] boring

[1:33:59] and it's

[1:34:00] the first

[1:34:00] time

[1:34:00] even including

[1:34:01] the prequels

[1:34:02] and including

[1:34:02] Solo

[1:34:03] where I was

[1:34:03] watching a

[1:34:04] Star Wars movie

[1:34:04] and I was

[1:34:05] like

[1:34:05] I'm kind

[1:34:07] of done

[1:34:07] with this

[1:34:08] movie

[1:34:09] by the third

[1:34:10] time Kylo Ren

[1:34:11] and Rey

[1:34:12] were about to

[1:34:13] I was like

[1:34:13] are we going

[1:34:14] to watch

[1:34:14] them lightsaber

[1:34:14] fight again

[1:34:15] and I felt

[1:34:16] bad because

[1:34:16] I was like

[1:34:17] there's real

[1:34:17] fight choreography

[1:34:18] going into

[1:34:18] this

[1:34:19] the actors

[1:34:19] look like

[1:34:20] they really

[1:34:20] worked hard

[1:34:21] at it

[1:34:21] everybody's

[1:34:22] doing their

[1:34:22] best

[1:34:23] but I'm

[1:34:23] just kind

[1:34:23] of like

[1:34:23] over it

[1:34:23] the inner

[1:34:24] grandma

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:24] and you

[1:34:24] kicked in

[1:34:25] and you're

[1:34:25] like oh

[1:34:26] so many

[1:34:27] people

[1:34:27] worked hard

[1:34:27] I'm just

[1:34:28] so glad

[1:34:28] that so many

[1:34:29] people made

[1:34:29] a paycheck

[1:34:30] guys look

Dan McCoy

[1:34:30] look this is

[1:34:31] a this is a

[1:34:32] flop house

[1:34:33] after dark

[1:34:33] as we've

[1:34:34] decided

[1:34:35] I've certainly

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:36] been swearing

[1:34:36] up a storm

[1:34:37] I haven't been

[1:34:38] wearing pants

[1:34:38] at all

[1:34:39] so how is it

[1:34:40] different than

[1:34:40] a usual one

[1:34:41] it's very

[1:34:41] arousing

[1:34:42] we um

Dan McCoy

[1:34:44] I think I've

[1:34:46] decided we've

[1:34:46] gone uh

[1:34:47] as long as

[1:34:49] a normal episode

[1:34:49] just talking

[1:34:50] about the movie

[1:34:50] yeah

[1:34:51] like we're not

[1:34:51] gonna bother

[1:34:52] it's almost like

[1:34:52] the thing that we

[1:34:52] should do normally

[1:34:53] we're not gonna

[1:34:54] bother with any

[1:34:54] of the extra

[1:34:55] stuff we're just

[1:34:55] gonna kind of

[1:34:56] end it here

[1:34:56] but like I do

[1:34:57] think we should

[1:34:58] do uh final

[1:34:59] judgments whether

[1:35:00] it's a good bad

[1:35:01] movie a bad bad

[1:35:03] movie a movie

[1:35:03] kind of like

[1:35:04] Elliot you're

[1:35:04] kind of in it

[1:35:05] already

[1:35:06] yeah

[1:35:06] you're soaking

[1:35:07] in it

[1:35:08] oh

[1:35:08] what do you

[1:35:09] have to say

[1:35:10] about it

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:10] uh I mean

[1:35:11] I don't it's

[1:35:12] kind of not

[1:35:12] one of those

[1:35:13] things for me

[1:35:14] which is that

[1:35:14] I didn't like

[1:35:15] it but I

[1:35:15] didn't hate

[1:35:16] it it was the

[1:35:16] first time I

[1:35:17] saw a star

[1:35:17] wars movie and

[1:35:18] I was indifferent

[1:35:19] to it and

[1:35:19] maybe that's

[1:35:20] because star

[1:35:21] wars is not as

[1:35:22] important to me

[1:35:23] as it once

[1:35:23] was because I

[1:35:24] have other

[1:35:26] responsibilities in

[1:35:26] my life and

[1:35:27] also I've since

[1:35:29] and like when I

[1:35:29] think I've talked

[1:35:30] about on the star

[1:35:31] wars minute how

[1:35:31] like when I was

[1:35:32] younger the star

[1:35:32] wars universe was

[1:35:33] a universe that I

[1:35:34] could know about

[1:35:35] become an authority

[1:35:36] on really feel

[1:35:37] ownership over when

[1:35:38] the real world felt

[1:35:40] mysterious and

[1:35:41] alienating and

[1:35:42] isolating to me and

[1:35:43] over time that has

[1:35:44] been replaced by the

[1:35:45] real world becoming

[1:35:46] more warm and

[1:35:46] welcoming to me but

[1:35:47] also like my love

[1:35:48] of actual history and

[1:35:50] it's kind of when

[1:35:50] I'm so mad about

[1:35:51] James Buchanan and

[1:35:52] Andrew Johnson it's

[1:35:53] hard for me to get

[1:35:54] as mad about like

[1:35:55] emperor palpatine but

[1:35:56] it's the first time I

[1:35:57] ever watched a stars

[1:35:58] movie and I was

[1:35:59] like I'm kind of not

[1:36:01] feeling anything you

[1:36:02] know it's like what

[1:36:03] happens when you run

[1:36:04] into an ex-boyfriend

[1:36:05] or girlfriend or

[1:36:06] other relationship

[1:36:07] person and you're

[1:36:09] like relationship

[1:36:10] person and it's

[1:36:10] like you I'm trying

[1:36:11] to cover all bases

S5

[1:36:12] yeah sure and you

[1:36:13] run into them at a

[1:36:13] party or on the

[1:36:14] street or something

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:15] and you're like hey

[1:36:16] how's it going and

[1:36:16] you're talking to

[1:36:17] them and you're

[1:36:18] like I feel no

[1:36:19] emotions for this

[1:36:21] person I had this

[1:36:21] experience where I

[1:36:22] ran into an ex-girlfriend

[1:36:23] and I was like this is

[1:36:23] someone that I felt

[1:36:24] like I was in love

[1:36:25] with she broke up

[1:36:26] with me and it

[1:36:26] devastated me and

[1:36:27] now I'm meeting her

[1:36:28] and I'm like oh

[1:36:28] this is just a

[1:36:29] person I have no

[1:36:30] entanglements with

[1:36:31] this person whatsoever

[1:36:32] and when I leave

[1:36:33] this moment I will

[1:36:34] have it might as

[1:36:35] well not have

[1:36:35] happened yeah you

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:36] didn't immediately

[1:36:37] cue up like hug

[1:36:37] and touch and

[1:36:38] squeezing by a

[1:36:39] journey on your

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:40] iPod I did not do

[1:36:41] that and so that's

[1:36:41] what this Star Wars

[1:36:42] felt like to me it

[1:36:43] was like oh

[1:36:43] maybe I don't

[1:36:43] have the relationship

[1:36:44] with this franchise

[1:36:45] that I felt like I

[1:36:46] did until episode

[1:36:48] 10 Salacious Crumb

[1:36:50] and Dengar's Wild

Dan McCoy

[1:36:51] Adventure yeah who's

[1:36:53] Salacious Crumb

[1:36:54] question mark and

[1:36:55] it's him with the

[1:36:57] big like suction

[1:36:58] cups outside of a

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:59] building yeah let's

[1:37:01] I mean that two

[1:37:02] things style poster

[1:37:04] t-shirt has got to

[1:37:05] be made I know

Dan McCoy

[1:37:06] man yeah let's

[1:37:07] okay I'll let

[1:37:09] Stuart close this

[1:37:10] out with negativity

[1:37:11] because I know that

[1:37:12] that's where it's

[1:37:13] gonna go but no

[1:37:14] let me go first

[1:37:14] I'm saying I'll

[1:37:15] let you close out

[1:37:17] with negativity

[1:37:17] I'm gonna say

[1:37:18] that it's weird

[1:37:22] for me to like

[1:37:23] try and like

[1:37:24] play the maturity

[1:37:25] card because

[1:37:26] Elliot has two

[1:37:28] children that he's

[1:37:29] raising and

[1:37:30] Stuart has a

[1:37:31] successful small

[1:37:33] business but I am

[1:37:36] the oldest so I

[1:37:37] will say that

[1:37:37] sure I feel like I

[1:37:39] do have this I

[1:37:40] have reached a

[1:37:40] point in my life

[1:37:41] where I'm just

[1:37:41] like okay Star

[1:37:42] Wars is a thing

[1:37:43] it was my young

[1:37:44] love I will

[1:37:45] always in some

[1:37:47] part of my heart

[1:37:47] love it and I'm

[1:37:49] excited for a new

[1:37:50] Star War but

[1:37:51] watching this like

[1:37:53] you know I know

[1:37:55] that watching this

[1:37:56] is not going to

[1:37:57] ruin what Star

[1:37:59] Wars means to me

[1:38:00] so I can enjoy it

[1:38:01] just as like

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:02] one man show what

[1:38:03] Star Wars means to

[1:38:03] me on Broadway

[1:38:04] now I can just

Dan McCoy

[1:38:05] enjoy it as a

[1:38:05] thing that washes

[1:38:06] over me that like

[1:38:07] one man show on

[1:38:08] Broadway there let

[1:38:10] me finish my thing

[1:38:11] like there are

[1:38:12] things that I like

[1:38:12] about it things I

[1:38:13] didn't like about

[1:38:14] it like this is

[1:38:14] definitely the

[1:38:16] weakest non prequel

[1:38:17] movie for me and

[1:38:19] but I kind of

[1:38:23] just like you

[1:38:25] know I had fun

[1:38:25] I got my my

[1:38:27] look my my

[1:38:30] expectations were

[1:38:30] reduced I have

[1:38:32] brought up Audrey a

[1:38:33] lot in this podcast

[1:38:33] but I think it's

[1:38:34] interesting because she

[1:38:35] only watched Star Wars

[1:38:36] this year to like

[1:38:38] talk about her

[1:38:39] reaction last Jedi

[1:38:40] was her favorite of

[1:38:43] all of them and I

[1:38:45] think that's because

[1:38:46] it brought like

[1:38:47] sort of shades of

[1:38:47] gray into the Star

[1:38:48] Wars universe

[1:38:49] how many

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:50] more than 49 or

Dan McCoy

[1:38:54] less than 51

[1:38:55] it suggested it

[1:38:56] suggested that like

[1:38:58] there's maybe more

[1:38:59] to this

[1:38:59] it suggested that

[1:39:02] there's shades of

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:02] gray wherever you go

[1:39:03] the more you find

[1:39:03] out the less you

[1:39:04] know

Dan McCoy

[1:39:04] it suggested that

[1:39:05] there's maybe more

[1:39:06] to this universe than

[1:39:08] this one bloodline

[1:39:10] yeah

[1:39:10] and like I

[1:39:12] understand that

[1:39:14] viewpoint and I

[1:39:15] understand that like

[1:39:16] as someone seeing

[1:39:17] it for the first

[1:39:17] time this year

[1:39:18] that complexity

[1:39:20] might mean more to

[1:39:21] you and I also

[1:39:22] understand that like

[1:39:23] I'm a white male

[1:39:27] 41 year old and

[1:39:29] like she is a

[1:39:31] Filipino female

[1:39:34] 32 year old and

[1:39:35] thus like maybe

[1:39:37] the last Jedi like

[1:39:39] carries more meaning

[1:39:40] for her in the

[1:39:41] sense that like if

[1:39:42] she's seeing it all

[1:39:43] this year like to

[1:39:44] see so much of it

[1:39:45] undone by this

[1:39:47] movie is like more

[1:39:49] of a slap in the

[1:39:50] face necessarily than

[1:39:51] to me who is just

[1:39:52] like you know what

[1:39:53] I've seen Star Wars

[1:39:54] come and I've seen

[1:39:55] Star Wars go and

[1:39:56] this is one of them

[1:39:57] and that's the old

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:58] man at the train

[1:39:58] station well that's

[1:39:59] always be another

[1:40:00] Star Wars coming

[1:40:00] down the tracks yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:40:01] it's like this is the

[1:40:03] worst of the new

[1:40:03] trilogy but I do

[1:40:06] look at it and I'm

[1:40:07] like okay well this

[1:40:09] might be the worst I

[1:40:10] think it's fucking

[1:40:11] enraging that Rose

[1:40:12] is sidelined the way

[1:40:13] it is it's it's

[1:40:15] annoying that like

[1:40:17] Ray is like uh

[1:40:20] suddenly of a like

[1:40:22] significant bloodline

[1:40:24] rather than like the

[1:40:26] message he's a space

[1:40:27] trash no no the

[1:40:28] message that just

[1:40:29] anyone can be a hero

[1:40:31] in this universe like

[1:40:32] it does very much the

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:33] message of the last

[1:40:34] movie yes like that

Dan McCoy

[1:40:35] is a much better

[1:40:36] message than like you

[1:40:38] have to be like a

[1:40:39] special human being

[1:40:41] or whatever race they

[1:40:42] are in space like to

[1:40:44] like make a difference

[1:40:45] like that is a terrible

[1:40:46] message but I do also

[1:40:49] like look back on this

[1:40:50] new trilogy and be like

[1:40:51] oh you know like they've

[1:40:52] given us great characters

[1:40:55] in Ray and Finn and

[1:40:57] Rose and BB-8 and Poe

[1:41:00] like these are like

[1:41:00] Babu Frick

[1:41:01] Kylo Ren like no but

[1:41:04] they're like Kylo Ren's

[1:41:05] pretty cool there are all

[1:41:05] these like great

[1:41:06] characters in the new

[1:41:07] trilogy so I don't know

[1:41:09] I was happy to see the

[1:41:10] one last time definitely

[1:41:12] the worst of the three

[1:41:13] movies marginally kind of

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:16] liked yeah sorry I mean

[1:41:17] sorry for stepping on

[1:41:18] that Dan I mean you

[1:41:20] know it's it's tough

[1:41:21] when we start talking

[1:41:21] about Star Wars and

[1:41:23] telling jokes I get all

[1:41:24] worked up but uh you

[1:41:26] know he gets his force

[1:41:27] up it's it rises yeah

[1:41:28] it's I mean I already

[1:41:29] mentioned this kind of

[1:41:30] earlier but like Star

[1:41:31] Wars one of those things

[1:41:32] that I can't really

[1:41:32] control how I feel

[1:41:34] about it it's been

[1:41:35] like you know a big

[1:41:36] part of my my fantasy

[1:41:39] world uh since I was a

[1:41:42] little kid um and so it

[1:41:45] meant that like even

[1:41:45] going to the prequels

[1:41:46] like even knowing that

[1:41:48] they're not good I still

[1:41:49] like them uh and every

[1:41:54] single Star Wars movie I

[1:41:55] saw in the theater I

[1:41:56] remember leaving and

[1:41:57] liking and this was the

[1:41:58] first time I was bummed

[1:41:59] man like so much of it

[1:42:01] felt like it was an

[1:42:02] attempt to erase what it

[1:42:04] happened in the in the

[1:42:05] last Jedi a movie that I

[1:42:07] liked quite a bit and

[1:42:07] was uh a it shocked me

[1:42:11] by actually putting in

[1:42:12] surprising stuff um and

[1:42:15] it it felt so much like a

[1:42:17] response to like try to

[1:42:19] appease appeal to

[1:42:20] critics and like I

[1:42:21] remember when they first

[1:42:22] announced that they were

[1:42:22] going to be doing uh that

[1:42:24] Disney had gotten the

[1:42:25] rights and that a

[1:42:25] filmmaker other than

[1:42:26] George Lucas was going

[1:42:27] to get to make Star Wars

[1:42:28] movies and that was

[1:42:30] really exciting and that

[1:42:31] like and that excitement

[1:42:33] kind of paid off with at

[1:42:35] least the first half of

[1:42:36] Force Awakens where it

[1:42:37] felt like at least J.J.

[1:42:38] Abrams understood kind of

[1:42:39] what like what was exciting

[1:42:42] about Star Wars and then

[1:42:44] seeing The Last Jedi uh it

[1:42:47] was really great to see a

[1:42:49] skilled filmmaker make a

[1:42:51] movie wow whoa that is a

Dan McCoy

[1:42:53] harsh thing to say yeah I'm

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:54] sorry uh you want to write

[1:42:55] down all the great movies

[1:42:57] J.J.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:58] Abrams I really like uh his

[1:43:02] Mission Impossible movie

[1:43:04] Mission Impossible 3 I

[1:43:05] like I like his Star Trek

[1:43:07] reboot the first one not so

[1:43:09] much the second one I like

[1:43:11] the first couple seasons of

[1:43:12] Alias like J.J.

[1:43:13] Great great movie I'm

[1:43:15] saying I mean he's a

[1:43:16] talented pop filmmaker who

[1:43:19] gets a lot of shit from

[1:43:20] nerds on the internet but he

[1:43:23] also does stuff like Rise of

[1:43:26] Skywalker so what I'm saying

[1:43:27] is that I'm not I'm not

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:28] even saying he's necessarily

[1:43:29] bad but I'm not like he's

[1:43:31] not an exciting I don't

[1:43:33] think he's an exciting I'm

[1:43:34] just saying he's not an

[1:43:36] auteur the way that Ryan

[1:43:37] Johnson is an exciting

[1:43:38] artist who will bring

[1:43:40] something kind of new to

[1:43:41] the table that's all I'm

[1:43:42] just trying to say the

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:43] thing that the thing that

[1:43:44] just threw me into

[1:43:45] relief it threw into

[1:43:45] relief for me with the

[1:43:46] prequels is the prequels

[1:43:47] are goofy and they don't

[1:43:49] really work for me but the

[1:43:51] prequels are constantly

[1:43:52] even for all the things

[1:43:53] that rhyme with the with

[1:43:55] the old movies they're

[1:43:56] constantly throwing new

[1:43:57] things at you that you

[1:43:57] haven't seen and the

[1:43:59] story works in a different

[1:44:00] way than the first three

[1:44:01] movies and it's exciting to

[1:44:02] me that that was the

[1:44:03] disappointing thing to me

[1:44:04] about this one was it was

[1:44:05] like it's just not it's

[1:44:08] just not new stuff and

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:09] then the last one was new

[1:44:10] stuff and two final things

[1:44:12] I want to say that I feel

[1:44:13] like for me the the final

[1:44:15] shot as like I don't I

[1:44:17] don't like necessarily

[1:44:18] dislike the final shot of

[1:44:20] the Rise of Skywalker but

[1:44:22] I've just kind of been

[1:44:23] worn down at that point I

[1:44:24] was pretty bummed but I

[1:44:25] feel like the final shot

[1:44:26] of the last Jedi to me is

[1:44:29] the final shot of this like

[1:44:31] trilogy like of a young

[1:44:33] kid swinging a little

[1:44:36] swinging a broom around like

[1:44:37] a lightsaber that's that's

[1:44:39] what's all about folks and

[1:44:40] you know what I've kind of

[1:44:41] predicted this when they

[1:44:42] first showed the trailer for

[1:44:44] cats and they had talked

[1:44:46] about how and and I realized

[1:44:49] that cats was going to be

[1:44:50] coming out right around the

[1:44:51] same time as the new Star

[1:44:52] Wars movie and in my heart

[1:44:53] I'm like why am I more

[1:44:56] excited to see cats than I

[1:44:58] am to see Star Wars and

[1:45:00] then spoiler alert to have

[1:45:01] that excitement pay off and

[1:45:03] be proved true because I

[1:45:05] just saw cats oh man it's

[1:45:08] crazy what a crazy world we

[1:45:09] live in but we'll talk more

[1:45:10] about cats next time we

[1:45:11] were well I mean I think I

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:13] think we can we can tease

[1:45:14] that next time will be our

[1:45:15] first annual perhaps uh cat

[1:45:18] stacular well uh you didn't

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:22] mention the annual part but

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:23] I mean I feel kind of okay

[1:45:25] with it I'm just floating the

[1:45:26] idea out there we're gonna

[1:45:27] have some special guests we're

[1:45:28] gonna have some real uh

[1:45:30] Hollywood insider talk about

[1:45:32] the premiere of cats I can

Dan McCoy

[1:45:33] almost guarantee this will be

[1:45:35] the most jellicle episode

[1:45:37] we've ever done so so jellicle

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:40] oh man it'll it'll break my

[1:45:42] jellicle app on my phone so

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:44] I think stay tuned for our

[1:45:46] first annual cat stacular on

[1:45:48] the flop house but uh yeah

[1:45:50] I think it is weird but I

[1:45:51] think that's I think that

[1:45:52] comes with the newness I'm

[1:45:55] talking about like cats is

[1:45:55] something you I assume you

[1:45:56] didn't see cats in the

[1:45:57] theaters I mean it catched on

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:59] Broadway no I did when I was

[1:46:01] a kid oh you did oh yeah so

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:02] maybe it wasn't as new

[1:46:03] that's because I like the I

[1:46:05] never saw cats the show so

[1:46:06] I'm excited to see them I

[1:46:07] haven't seen the movie I

[1:46:08] went in oh Elliot I went in

[1:46:09] oh summer child

S5

[1:46:11] I'm so excited because I'll

[1:46:13] see you in the next couple

[1:46:14] days I guess I'm so excited

[1:46:15] to see it having no

[1:46:17] expectations other than that

[1:46:19] is gonna be crazy your only

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:21] expectation is the way that

[1:46:22] Dan and Stuart are staring at

[1:46:23] you right now and whispering

[1:46:26] like whispering traits of

[1:46:27] jellicle cats

Dan McCoy

[1:46:28] Twitter descent into madness

[1:46:30] I've done over the last day

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:31] yeah just of just cats names

S5

[1:46:33] I feel like I have not felt

[1:46:35] this from people since the

[1:46:37] time I almost took a

[1:46:38] Scientology stress test in a

[1:46:39] subway station and they were

[1:46:41] just like come over here and

[1:46:42] we'll use some words you've

[1:46:43] never heard before and we're

[1:46:44] very passionate about them

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:45] yeah and that just left you

[1:46:47] in a in a prison cell breaking

[1:46:50] a toilet next to Philip Seymour

[1:46:51] Hoffman all right I wish I was

S5

[1:46:55] as strong as crazy man

[1:46:56] walking in that movie but that's

Dan McCoy

[1:46:58] next time let's uh let's let's

[1:47:01] finally put a bow on this okay

[1:47:03] tie it all up a big laser bow just

[1:47:05] like J.J. Abrams did this has

[1:47:08] been another episode of the

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:10] flop house you know what a

[1:47:12] regular old episode of the

[1:47:13] flop house it's a different

Dan McCoy

[1:47:16] episode than normal so I'm just

[1:47:17] gonna say like and subscribe or

[1:47:19] whatever whatever they say

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:21] lichens those are the enemies of

[1:47:23] the vampires in the what nocturnal

S5

[1:47:26] movie what's that called fungus

Dan McCoy

[1:47:27] lichens anyway so anyway uh please

S5

[1:47:31] if you like this episode please

[1:47:33] review us on itunes like say some

[1:47:35] nice things if you don't like

[1:47:36] these episodes the door is right

[1:47:37] over there sir please throw your

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:39] phone into the ocean and uh save

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:42] yourself uh tell people about us

[1:47:43] if you like us share stuff about

[1:47:45] us I don't know whatever uh to

[1:47:47] check out other podcasts on the

[1:47:48] maximum fun network there might be

[1:47:49] talking about rise of skywalker

[1:47:50] too I don't know feel like it's on

[1:47:52] the tip of everybody's tongue

[1:47:54] everybody's long uh bib fortuna

Dan McCoy

[1:47:57] tongue uh anyway though for the

[1:47:59] flop house I've been Dan

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:01] McCoy I've been Stuart

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:03] Wellington moseying on off to the

[1:48:05] sunset bringing back that western

[1:48:07] thing from the beginning of the

[1:48:08] episode well I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:48:10] hitting the trails and saying

[1:48:12] sure I can't wait to talk about

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:14] sure you want to sure you want to

[1:48:15] hit the trails with that rumbling

[1:48:17] belly ears maybe you want to head

[1:48:19] over into Dan's little restaurant

[1:48:20] over by the crackling creek

S5

[1:48:22] I heard Dan's crackling creek cafe

[1:48:24] does have the best night catfish

[1:48:27] winter solstice night caught winter

[1:48:30] solstice catfish you know

[1:48:31] it takes a brave man to go out at

[1:48:33] night and pull those catfish from

[1:48:34] that freeze and crackling creek and

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:37] fry them up for us hungry cow

Dan McCoy

[1:48:38] hands see you next time everybody

[1:48:41] bye

[1:48:41] you look for a moment like a baby

[1:48:55] who had had a thing taken from

[1:48:56] them that they didn't like need but

[1:48:58] they were just sad to see it go

[1:49:00] the look on my son's face all the

S5

[1:49:02] time

[1:49:02] I know I'm gonna talk about this

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:05] whole episode

[1:49:05] maximumfun.org

Justin McElroy

[1:49:12] comedy and culture

[1:49:13] artist owned

[1:49:14] audience supported

[1:49:15] you

Ep. #301 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Transcript

In this episode

Description