FH Mini #1

[0:00] Hey everyone, it's an off-week thing we're trying out.

[0:09] We don't know whether we're going to keep it up, so don't, first off, too attached.

[0:13] And Dan, what is this?

[0:14] Is this the Flophouse?

[0:15] This is the Flophouse, sorry about that.

[0:18] Normally, you know, we come to you and we talk about a bad movie for about 90 to 2 hours

[0:24] and a half.

[0:25] Question mark, question mark, question mark.

[0:28] But we're going to try a thing that's a lot shorter, where we just, you know, do something

[0:34] different in these off-weeks.

[0:38] And this time we're doing something we like to call Flophouse Unsolved Mysteries.

[0:43] So Ellie, you came to me with this question.

[0:48] What is the question?

[0:49] The question was like, what's Goofy's deal?

[0:53] Like Goofy the cartoon character?

[0:54] Because, okay, one, we all know, nobody knows exactly what kind of animal he is.

[0:58] Two, he has a son.

[0:59] I thought he was a dog.

[1:01] He did start out as a dog.

[1:03] I think we'll address that.

[1:06] And also, he has a son, so we know that he had sex with somebody, but who was that?

[1:10] Because she is out of the picture when Goof Troop starts.

[1:13] And they never refer to her.

[1:15] So either, I mean, it's possible that Goofy is reproduced through, was it parthenogenesis?

[1:19] Where he just like splits another little Goofy off of him, but I don't think that's the case.

[1:23] He's like a beholder.

[1:24] He like, he dreams, he gets into a dream state and imagines another Goofy into being.

[1:30] Now I do, I don't want to like, you know, cut off this imaginative, uh, you know, uh,

[1:35] uh, uh.

[1:36] Oh yeah, you're just going, just the facts.

[1:38] Yeah, I do believe that Goofy in Goof Troop is a widower.

[1:43] I think that's the case.

[1:45] Because in Disney, it is more acceptable for a spouse to die than to have a divorce.

[1:51] Uh huh.

[1:52] Mm hmm.

[1:53] I don't know if that makes sense.

[1:54] Or for him to have adopted a child as a single man.

[1:56] Yeah.

[1:57] You know.

[1:58] Or for him to have just found a little bundle of joy on his, in a basket on his doorstep.

[2:04] And they were like, oh, this is this weird kind of dog man thing.

[2:07] And we see you're kind of a weird dog man.

[2:09] So maybe you can teach him like, I don't know, dog man stuff.

[2:12] That's what the note said.

[2:13] So are you familiar with Dog Man?

[2:15] It's a, uh, a, a children's comic book, uh, about a man, uh, like a half man, half dog

[2:22] policeman hybrid.

[2:23] Yes.

[2:24] I'm always confused by it because it makes me think of Dog Boy, the Charles Burns character.

[2:28] Uh huh.

[2:29] Who is a 1950s teen who gets the heart of a dog in a back room, back alley heart transplant,

[2:34] and now does dog things.

[2:35] Yeah.

[2:36] And he would have, there would be cartoons of that on liquid television.

[2:39] Yeah.

[2:40] Well, live action.

[2:41] And they, but they all had rubber hair like those creepy battery people.

[2:43] I got excited that they had made a, they had made a comic book based on, uh, the, uh, friend

[2:49] of Logan Ninefinger's, uh, Dog Man, the current king of the Northmen.

[2:54] But apparently I was, I was misled.

[2:55] Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

[2:57] Now, Dan, now you had some facts that you wanted to introduce about this goofy character

[3:01] or I guess goofy is a nickname.

[3:02] It's probably short for like goofum.

[3:03] Or is that wrong?

[3:04] Yeah.

[3:05] We were talking a bit off air now, uh, isn't it Goofus?

[3:08] Isn't that a normal name?

[3:09] Goofus?

[3:10] Yeah.

[3:11] Well, only in tandem with Gallant.

[3:13] Uh, yeah.

[3:14] Okay.

[3:15] For every Goofus, there's also a Gallant.

[3:17] It's every 5,000 years and the dark, and if you're the emperor and you're the king of

[3:21] the dark side, you can pull the energy out of that Goofus and Gallant dyad.

[3:24] But again, it only happens every 5,000 years.

[3:26] Now here's the exciting thing scientifically about Goofus and Gallant.

[3:29] They cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and if they touch each other, they'll

[3:33] explode.

[3:34] Okay.

[3:35] Well, I mean, the first part of that is true of any matter, that it cannot occupy the same

[3:39] space at the same time.

[3:40] So I just want to.

[3:42] I mean, but that was, that was my old, that was my old pickup lines.

[3:44] I would say, hey, you ever occupied the same space at the same time?

[3:47] You want to try?

[3:48] It never worked.

[3:49] Dan, why didn't it work?

[3:50] Well, because you're a gross creepo.

[3:51] But getting back to Goofy.

[3:52] Yeah, because when you were saying it, you kept pushing out your suspenders and your

[3:58] bow tie would spin around provocatively.

[4:02] I like provocatively as a description of a bow tie spinning.

[4:06] It's provocative.

[4:11] Hey, J. Keith.

[4:12] Hey, Helen.

[4:13] I hear you have a true-false quiz you want me to finish.

[4:15] I do.

[4:16] Here we begin.

[4:18] We host a trivia game show podcast on the MaxFun Network called Go Fact Yourself.

[4:23] True.

[4:24] Correct.

[4:25] The show is all about celebrity guests answering trivia questions about things J. Keith enjoys.

[4:30] False.

[4:31] We sometimes don't talk about baseball or cats.

[4:32] Thank God.

[4:33] It's questions about things they enjoy.

[4:36] Next, we bring on surprise experts every episode.

[4:39] True.

[4:40] Correct.

[4:41] It's just the two of us sitting alone with these guests.

[4:43] False.

[4:44] Correct.

[4:45] We have a live audience at the Angel City Brewery.

[4:48] See?

[4:49] You can hear Go Fact Yourself every first and third Friday of the month.

[4:53] And if you don't listen, you can Go Fact Yourself.

[4:58] True.

[5:01] Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring

[5:06] actors like Patton Oswalt.

[5:07] So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude's studio during the day and they hunt

[5:12] monsters at night.

[5:13] It's Blade meets the Odd Couple.

[5:17] Adam Scott and Jane Levy.

[5:19] Come on, Cory.

[5:20] She's too serious, too business-y.

[5:22] She doesn't know the hokey pokey.

[5:24] She'll learn what it's all about.

[5:29] Busy Phillips and Dave Koechner.

[5:30] Baby, this is family.

[5:33] My Uncle Tel, who showed his wiener to Cinderella at Disneyland, is family.

[5:37] Do you want him staying with us?

[5:39] He did stay with us for three months.

[5:41] And he was a delight.

[5:44] A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society for maximum fun.

[5:49] To speak to the dog issue that Stuart brought up.

[5:52] Now, originally, Goofy's name was Dippy Dog, and I was saying off-air that, so he changed

[5:59] his name at some point, but it seems like a lateral move.

[6:02] I understand not wanting to be called Dippy, but then you're called Goofy.

[6:06] Well, especially at the entertainment industry at that time, an openly Jewish name like Dippy

[6:11] was just hard to carry and be a star.

[6:13] So that was just the prejudices of the time.

[6:16] Dog, of course, just seemed redundant because people looked at him and they were like, yeah,

[6:20] I thought you were some kind of weird dog.

[6:21] And he was like, yeah, well, so you think I don't need that in my name?

[6:25] And he was talking to Cary Grant at the time, and Cary Grant was like, well, my name's not

[6:27] Cary Human.

[6:29] My name was Archibald Leech because I was a leech, and then a witch cast a spell on

[6:33] me that turned me into a human being, and I needed a new name.

[6:36] It seems like a very benevolent witch because a leech is kind of an unpleasant creature,

[6:41] whereas Cary Grant is one of the most charming stars in Hollywood history.

[6:45] That's easy for you to say, Dan, because you're a human, but to a leech, Cary Grant is disgusting.

[6:49] He doesn't suck blood.

[6:50] In fact, the only thing that he sucks is the air out of a room when he starts one of his

[6:55] interminable stories.

[6:57] And also, you know, leeches find each other attractive.

[6:59] I hate to break it to you, Dan, but like, leeches are not attracted to the same things

[7:03] that you're attracted to.

[7:04] I know you love Cary Grant.

[7:06] Leeches, they're attracted to more of a like, mmm, what's the opposite of Cary Grant?

[7:10] Like a Pauly Shore type figure?

[7:12] I don't know.

[7:13] Oh, wow.

[7:14] Okay.

[7:15] Okay, well.

[7:16] Which is strange because Pauly Shore is, again, a weasel, but a leech looking at a weasel

[7:19] would say there's a source of food.

[7:21] So you could see why they'd be attracted to it.

[7:22] But Dan, so Dippy Doggy changed it to Goofy, lateral move.

[7:25] I agree.

[7:27] So Dippy, did it have some kind of connotation that people didn't like at the time?

[7:31] Uh, I, you know, it means dumb in the same way that Goofy does, I believe.

[7:36] I mean, I assume Goofy was just like, he was silly.

[7:39] Yeah.

[7:40] Well, I don't know.

[7:41] He's presented as maybe not the smartest member of the team.

[7:44] He does say Gorsh a lot.

[7:46] Yeah.

[7:47] Well, it's because he's best friends with Frank Gorshin, and that's what he calls him.

[7:50] That's his nickname for him.

[7:51] He does also laugh like, which is not typically a thing that you associate with, you know,

[7:58] an academic, say.

[7:59] So what would be a smart laugh, Dan?

[8:01] Like, laugh like you imagine a smart person would.

[8:05] Very good.

[8:06] Very good.

[8:07] Yeah.

[8:08] Okay.

[8:09] Fair point.

[8:10] That does sound very smart.

[8:11] Yeah.

[8:12] Now, Goofy, he started out kind of as just, you know, like a pal of, you know, Mickey

[8:17] and the gang.

[8:19] But then, you know, there was that period kind of later on where he seemed to get into

[8:23] the instructional video business.

[8:25] Do you remember these cartoons where it would be like...

[8:29] The Goofy how-to videos.

[8:30] Yeah.

[8:31] It'd be like, skiing.

[8:32] All the sports of, you know, the wealthy and whatever.

[8:38] I can't remember.

[8:39] But like, how many of us want to ski?

[8:42] You know, that kind of like...

[8:43] Yeah.

[8:44] No, Dan, keep going.

[8:45] I want to hear more.

[8:46] Tell us more.

[8:47] Tell me about skiing.

[8:49] Now, to slow down is the easiest thing in the world.

[8:53] Just simply point your skis in and make a pizza shape.

[8:59] God damn it.

[9:00] Make a pizza shape.

[9:01] I bail so quickly on these things and I know I shouldn't.

[9:06] It's like a reverse pyramid.

[9:08] Yeah.

[9:09] I like to hear that to you a triangle is just a pizza shape.

[9:12] When to me, pizza would be round, you know.

[9:14] That's true.

[9:15] A pizza slice, let's say.

[9:17] My guess is that Goofy saw that Dorf money going out the window and was like, I got to

[9:21] get on this.

[9:22] Tim Conway is sucking up all this money for these Dorf videos.

[9:25] I can do instructional stuff.

[9:26] Stuart, what do you think about that?

[9:28] Dorf versus Goofy.

[9:29] Who would you trust more to teach you how to do things?

[9:31] Well, Tim Conway is not animated.

[9:35] Oh, well, I don't know about that.

[9:37] Well, he's especially not animated now because I believe he's passed.

[9:40] But yes.

[9:41] He isn't a tune.

[9:44] And you know, ever since, you know, I have my own issues with tunes.

[9:49] Yeah.

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:51] You want to put him in some dip.

[9:53] Yep.

[9:54] I want to put it in dip.

[9:55] So that's where Dippy Dog got his name from because he used, because dip kills tunes.

[10:00] I guess it's true that Tim Conway as Dorf was not that animated because he had to constantly

[10:06] just keep his knees on the shoes in front of him.

[10:09] His range of motion was pretty limited.

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:12] I don't want to burst your mind like a bubble, but Tim Conway was animated on an episode

[10:17] of the Scooby-Doo movies.

[10:18] Who did he play?

[10:21] He played Tim Conway because that was the Scooby-Doo series where celebrities would

[10:25] be on as themselves.

[10:27] Like the Harlem Globetrotters.

[10:28] Yes.

[10:29] It posited a universe where Scooby-Doo, the Harlem Globetrotters, Batman, and the Three

[10:33] Stooges and Cher all existed in one shared universe.

[10:38] I mean, that's our universe though, right?

[10:42] I mean, except for the talking dog and Batman.

[10:46] That's true.

[10:47] I mean, Batman exists in our universe, just not as a, you know, a real person.

[10:52] Okay.

[10:53] Well, I mean, unless you consider a real person to be Michael Keaton.

[10:57] And I do.

[10:58] Mm-hmm.

[10:59] Wow.

[11:00] So have we cracked this code yet?

[11:03] I guess we have.

[11:04] I guess that's the mystery of Doobie.

[11:06] What's he do for work?

[11:07] Not to define somebody in such capitalist terms?

[11:10] He seems to be just kind of a businessman, just kind of a nondescript business.

[11:14] He does business things.

[11:16] Oh, okay.

[11:17] Business stuff.

[11:18] His son must be a middle-aged man by now.

[11:20] What does he do?

[11:21] Oh, you don't want to know.

[11:23] What's his son's name?

[11:24] I don't remember, so I'm going to guess that his son was named Goofy Jr. or perhapsly Fugue,

[11:30] which is goof backwards.

[11:31] Oh, okay.

[11:32] Guys, are we now kind of like a, is this like a true crime podcast or like a journalism

[11:37] podcast?

[11:38] Certainly, yeah.

[11:40] We're trying to figure out what happened to Goofy's son.

[11:42] Was he a murderer?

[11:43] We're trying to catch and kill Goofy, I guess.

[11:45] Okay.

[11:49] Yeah, let's call that the end of this thing that we're trying out.

[11:52] I mean, I think we answered all the questions that we asked.

[11:55] Mm-hmm.

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:57] So let us know, I guess, whether you liked it or not.

[12:00] If you'd like more off-week shenanigans from the Flophouse, yeah, give us a letter at Dan

[12:06] McCoy, Brooklyn, New York, 1123 Fake Street, Brooklyn, New York.

[12:12] Brooklyn, New York was your company.

[12:13] That's why I put it earlier also.

[12:14] Oh, okay.

[12:15] You don't need to tell me that, Elliot.

[12:16] I know what the name of my company is.

[12:17] Zip code DBD.

[12:18] Yeah, but let us know if you like this experiment or if you never want us to ever do this ever

[12:23] again.

[12:24] All right.

[12:25] We'll see you next time.

[12:26] Bye.

[12:32] Maximumfun.org

[12:34] Comedy and culture.

[12:36] Artist owned.

[12:37] Audience supported.

FH Mini #1

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