FH Mini #1

[0:00] Hey everyone, it's an off week thing we're trying out.

Dan McCoy

[0:08] We don't know whether we're going to keep it up, so don't.

[0:12] First off, it's too attached.

[0:13] And Dan, what is this? Is this the Flophouse?

[0:15] This is the Flophouse. Sorry about that.

[0:18] Normally, you know, we come to you and we talk about a bad movie for about 90 to two hours and a half.

[0:25] Question mark, question mark, question mark.

[0:26] But we're going to try the thing that's a lot shorter, where we just, you know, do something different in these off weeks.

[0:36] And this time we're doing something we like to call Flophouse Unsolved Mysteries.

[0:45] So Elliot, you came to me with this question. What is the question?

Elliott Kalan

[0:49] The question was like, what's Goofy's deal? Like Goofy the cartoon character?

[0:54] Because, okay, one, we all know, nobody knows exactly what kind of animal he is.

[0:58] Two, he has a son.

Dan McCoy

[1:00] I thought he was a dog.

[1:01] He did start out as a dog. I think we'll address that, perhaps.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06] And also, he has a son, so we know that he had sex with somebody.

[1:09] But who was that? Because she is out of the picture when Goof Troop starts.

[1:12] Yeah.

[1:13] And they never refer to her.

[1:14] So either, I mean, it's possible that Goofy is reproduced through, was it Parthenogenesis?

[1:19] Where he just, like, splits another little Goofy off of him?

[1:22] But I don't think that's the case.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23] Yeah, like a beholder.

[1:24] He, like, he dreams, he gets into a dream state and imagines another Goofy into being.

Dan McCoy

[1:30] Now, I don't want to, like, you know, cut off this imaginative, you know,

[1:35] Oh, yeah, you're just going, just the facts.

[1:38] Yeah, I do believe that Goofy in Goof Troop is a widower.

[1:43] I think that's the case.

[1:44] Yeah.

[1:45] Because in Disney, it is more acceptable for a spouse to die than to have a divorce.

[1:51] Uh-huh.

[1:52] Mm-hmm.

[1:52] That makes sense.

[1:53] Or for him to have adopted a child as a single man.

[1:56] Yeah.

[1:56] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57] Or for him to have just found a little bundle of joy in a basket on his doorstep.

[2:04] Uh-huh.

[2:04] And they were like, oh, this is this weird kind of dog man thing, and we see you're kind of a weird dog man,

[2:09] so maybe you can teach him, like, I don't know, dog man stuff?

[2:11] That's what the note said.

Stuart Wellington

[2:13] So are you familiar with Dog Man?

[2:15] It's a children's comic book about a man, like a half man, half dog, policeman hybrid?

Elliott Kalan

[2:24] Yes.

[2:24] I'm always confused by it because it makes me think of Dog Boy, the Charles Burns character,

[2:28] who is a 1950s teen who gets the heart of a dog in a back room, back alley heart transplant,

[2:34] and now does dog things.

Dan McCoy

[2:35] Yeah, and he would have, there would be cartoons of that on liquid television.

[2:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] Well, live action, but they all had rubber hair, like those creepy battery people.

Stuart Wellington

[2:43] Now, Dan-

[2:43] I got excited that they had made a comic book based on the friend of Logan Ninefinger's Dog Man,

[2:51] the current king of the Northmen, but apparently I was misled.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] Oh, sorry to hear that.

[2:57] Now, Dan, now you had some facts that you wanted to introduce about this Goofy character,

[3:01] or I guess Goofy is a nickname, so it's probably short for, like, Goofum, or am I wrong about that?

Dan McCoy

[3:05] Yeah, we were talking a bit off air now.

[3:07] Isn't it Goofus?

Stuart Wellington

[3:08] Isn't that a normal name?

[3:10] Goofum?

[3:10] Yeah, Goofus.

[3:10] Goofus, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:11] Well, only in tandem with Gallant.

Elliott Kalan

[3:14] Yeah, okay.

[3:15] For every Goofus, there's also a Gallant.

[3:16] It's every 5,000 years, and if you're the emperor and you're the king of the dark side,

[3:21] you can pull the energy out of that Goofus and Gallant dyad.

[3:24] But again, it only happens every 5,000 years.

[3:26] Now, here's the exciting thing scientifically about Goofus and Gallant.

[3:29] They cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and if they touch each other, they'll

[3:33] explode.

Dan McCoy

[3:34] Okay.

[3:34] Well, I mean, the first part of that is true of any matter, that it cannot occupy the same

Elliott Kalan

[3:39] space at the same time.

[3:40] So I just want to...

[3:41] I mean, but that was my old pickup lines.

[3:43] I would say, hey, you ever occupy the same space at the same time?

[3:47] You want to try?

[3:48] It never worked.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] Dan, why didn't it work?

[3:50] Well, because you're a gross creepo.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] But getting back to Goofy.

Stuart Wellington

[3:54] Yeah, because when you were saying it, you kept pushing out your suspenders and your

[3:58] bow tie would spin around provocatively.

Elliott Kalan

[4:02] I like provocatively as a description of a bow tie spinning.

[4:06] It's provocative.

[4:12] Hey, Jay Keith.

S5

[4:13] Hey, Helen.

[4:13] I hear you have a true-false quiz you want me to finish.

S4

[4:15] I do.

[4:16] Here we begin.

[4:18] We host a trivia game show podcast on the MaxFun Network called Go Fact Yourself.

[4:23] True.

[4:24] Correct.

[4:24] The show is all about celebrity guests answering trivia questions about things Jay Keith enjoys.

S5

[4:30] False.

[4:30] We sometimes don't talk about baseball or cats.

S4

[4:32] Thank God.

[4:33] It's questions about things they enjoy.

[4:36] Next, we bring on surprise experts every episode.

[4:39] True.

[4:39] Correct.

[4:40] Final question.

[4:41] It's just the two of us sitting alone with these guests.

[4:43] False.

[4:44] Correct.

[4:44] We have a live audience at the Angel City Brewery.

[4:49] See?

[4:49] You can hear Go Fact Yourself every first and third Friday of the month.

[4:53] And if you don't listen, you can go fact yourself.

[4:56] True.

[4:57] True.

S5

[5:01] Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made,

Stuart Wellington

[5:05] featuring actors like Patton Oswalt.

S5

[5:07] So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude's studio during the day,

[5:12] and they hunt monsters at night.

[5:13] It's Blade meets the Odd Couple.

[5:17] Adam Scott and Jane Levy.

[5:18] Come on, Corey.

[5:20] She's too serious, too business-y.

[5:23] She doesn't know the hokey pokey.

[5:24] She'll learn what it's all about.

[5:28] Busy Phillips and Dave Koechner.

S4

[5:30] Baby, this is family.

S5

[5:32] My Uncle Tel, who showed his wiener to Cinderella at Disneyland, is family.

[5:37] Do you want him staying with us?

[5:39] He did stay with us for three months.

[5:41] And he was a delight.

Dan McCoy

[5:44] A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society, for maximum fun.

[5:49] To speak to the dog issue that Stuart brought up,

[5:52] now originally Goofy's name was Dippy Dog,

[5:55] and I was saying off air that, so he changed his name at some point,

[6:00] but it seems like a lateral move.

[6:02] I understand not when you'd be called Dippy, but then you're called Goofy.

Elliott Kalan

[6:06] Well, especially at the entertainment industry at that time,

[6:08] an openly Jewish name like Dippy was just hard to carry and be a star.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:13] So that was just the prejudices of the time.

[6:16] Dog, of course, just seemed redundant because people looked at him and they were like,

[6:20] yeah, I thought you were some kind of weird dog.

[6:21] And he was like, yeah, well, so you think I don't need that in my name?

[6:24] And he was talking to Cary Grant at the time, and Cary Grant was like, well, my name's not

[6:27] Cary Human.

[6:29] My name was Archibald Leech because I was a leech, and then a witch who passed a spell on me

[6:33] that turned me into a human being, and I needed a new name.

Dan McCoy

[6:35] It seems like a very benevolent witch because a leech is kind of an unpleasant creature,

[6:41] whereas Cary Grant is one of the most charming stars in Hollywood history.

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] That's easy for you to say, Dan, because you're a human, but to a leech, Cary Grant is disgusting.

[6:49] He doesn't suck blood.

[6:50] In fact, the only thing that he sucks is the air out of a room when he starts one of his

[6:55] interminable stories.

[6:56] And also, you know, leeches find each other attractive.

[6:59] I hate to break it to you, Dan, but like, leeches are not attracted to the same things that

[7:03] you're attracted to.

[7:04] I know you love Cary Grant.

[7:06] Leeches, they're attracted to more of a like, what's the opposite of Cary Grant?

[7:10] Like a Pauly Shore type figure?

[7:12] I don't know.

[7:12] Oh, wow.

[7:12] Okay.

[7:13] Okay, well.

[7:14] Which is strange because Pauly Shore is, again, a weasel.

[7:18] But a leech looking at a weasel would say there's a source of food.

[7:21] So you could see why they'd be attracted to it.

[7:22] But Dan, so Dippy Dog, he changed it to Goofy, lateral move.

[7:25] I agree.

[7:26] You think Goofy, so Dippy, did it have some kind of connotation that people didn't like

[7:30] at the time?

Dan McCoy

[7:31] You know, it means dumb in the same way that Goofy does, I believe.

Stuart Wellington

[7:36] I mean, I assume Goofy was just like he was silly.

[7:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:40] Well, I don't know.

[7:41] He's presented as maybe not the smartest member of the team.

[7:44] He's like Gorsh a lot.

[7:46] Yeah.

[7:47] Well, it's because he's best friends with Frank Gorshin, and that's what he calls him.

[7:49] That's his nickname for him.

[7:50] He does also laugh like, which is not typically a thing that you associate with, you know,

[7:58] an academic, say.

Elliott Kalan

[7:59] So what would be a smart laugh, Dan?

[8:01] Like, laugh like you imagine a smart person would.

[8:04] Very good.

[8:05] Very good.

[8:08] Okay, fair point.

[8:09] That does sound very smart.

[8:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:10] Now, Goofy, he started out kind of as just, you know, like a pal of, you know, Mickey and

[8:17] the gang.

[8:18] Uh-huh.

[8:18] But then, you know, there was that period kind of later on where he seemed to get into

[8:23] the instructional video business.

[8:26] Do you remember these cartoons where it would be like-

[8:29] The goofy how-to videos.

[8:30] Yeah, it'd be like, skiing.

[8:32] Oh, the sports of, you know, the wealthy and whatever.

[8:37] I can't remember.

[8:38] But like, how many of us want to ski?

[8:42] You know, that kind of like-

Elliott Kalan

[8:43] No, Dan, keep going.

[8:44] I want to hear more.

[8:45] Tell us more.

[8:45] Tell me about skiing.

[8:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:49] Now, to slow down is the easiest thing in the world.

[8:53] Just simply point your skis in and make a pizza shape.

[8:59] God damn it.

[9:00] Make a pizza shape.

[9:02] I bail so quickly on these things, and I know I shouldn't.

[9:06] It's like a reverse pyramid.

Elliott Kalan

[9:08] Yeah.

[9:09] I like to add that to you, a triangle is just a pizza shape.

[9:12] When, to me, pizza would be round.

[9:14] Oh, that's true.

[9:15] A pizza slice, let's say.

[9:17] My guess is that Goofy saw all that Dorf money going out the window.

[9:20] That's true.

[9:20] And was like, I got to get on this.

[9:22] Tim Conway is sucking up all this money for these Dorf videos.

[9:25] I can do instructional stuff.

[9:26] Stuart, what do you think about that?

[9:27] Dorf versus Goofy.

[9:28] Who would you trust more to teach you how to do things?

Stuart Wellington

[9:31] Well, Tim Conway is not animated.

[9:35] Oh, well, I don't know about that.

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] Well, he's especially not animated now, because I believe he's passed.

Stuart Wellington

[9:40] But yes.

[9:41] He is in a toon.

[9:44] And you know, ever since, you know, I have my own issues with toons.

[9:49] Yeah.

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:51] You want to put him in some dip.

[9:53] Yep.

[9:53] I want to put it in dip.

Elliott Kalan

[9:55] So that's where Dippy Dog got his name from.

[9:58] Because he used, because dip kills toons.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] That Tim Conway as Dorf was not that animated, because he had to constantly just keep his knees on the shoes in front of him.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] His range of motion was pretty limited.

[10:12] Now, Stuart, I don't want to burst your mind like a bubble.

[10:14] Uh-huh.

[10:14] But Tim Conway was animated on an episode of the Scooby-Doo movies.

[10:19] Who did he play?

[10:21] He played Tim Conway.

[10:22] Okay.

[10:22] Because that was the Scooby-Doo series where celebrities would be on as themselves.

[10:26] Uh-huh.

[10:27] Like the Harlem Globetrotters.

[10:28] Yes.

[10:29] It posited a universe where Scooby-Doo, the Harlem Globetrotters, Batman, and the Three Stooges, and Cher all existed in one shared universe.

Stuart Wellington

[10:38] Uh, I mean, that's our universe though, right?

[10:42] Don't they all exist?

Dan McCoy

[10:43] Except for the talking dog.

[10:44] That's true.

[10:45] And Batman.

[10:47] I mean, Batman exists in our universe, just not as a, you know, a real person.

[10:52] Okay.

[10:53] I'm glad.

Elliott Kalan

[10:53] Well, I mean, unless you consider a real person to be Michael Keaton.

[10:57] And I do.

[10:58] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[10:59] Wow.

[11:00] So, have we cracked this code yet?

Dan McCoy

[11:02] I guess we have.

[11:03] I guess that's the mystery of Goofy.

Stuart Wellington

[11:05] What's he do for work?

[11:07] Not to define somebody in such capitalist terms?

Dan McCoy

[11:09] He seems to be just kind of a businessman.

[11:12] Just kind of a nondescript business.

[11:14] He does business things.

Elliott Kalan

[11:16] Oh, okay.

[11:16] Business stuff.

[11:18] His son must be a middle-aged man by now.

[11:20] What does he do?

[11:21] Uh, ooh, you don't want to know.

[11:22] Wait, what's his son's name?

[11:25] A son's, I don't remember, so I'm going to guess that his son was named Goofy Jr.

[11:28] Or perhaps Lee Fug, which is Goof backwards.

[11:31] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[11:31] Uh, guys, are we now kind of like a, is this like a true crime podcast or like a journalism

[11:37] podcast?

[11:37] Certainly, yeah.

[11:38] We're solving mysteries.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] We're trying to figure out what happened to Goofy's son.

[11:42] Was it murder?

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] We're trying to catch and kill Goofy, I guess.

[11:44] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] Um, yeah, let's call that the end of this thing that we're trying out.

[11:52] I mean, I think we answered all the questions that we asked.

[11:55] Yeah.

[11:56] So, let us know, I guess, whether you liked it or not.

Elliott Kalan

[12:00] If you'd like more off-week shenanigans from the Flophouse, yeah, give us a letter at Dan

[12:06] McCoy, Brooklyn, New York, 1123 Fake Street, Brooklyn, New York.

[12:12] Brooklyn, New York was your company.

[12:13] That's why I put it earlier also.

[12:15] You don't need to tell me that, Elliot.

[12:17] I know what the name is.

[12:17] Yeah, but let us know if you like this experiment or if you never want us to ever do this ever

[12:23] again.

Dan McCoy

[12:24] All right.

[12:24] We'll see you next time.

[12:25] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[12:33] Maximumfun.org.

S5

[12:34] Comedy and culture.

S6

[12:35] Artist owned.

[12:37] Audience supported.

FH Mini #1

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