Ep.#457 – Red One, with Linda Holmes

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Red One.

[0:03] The movie where we learn how Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren,

[0:07] John Malkovich, and other old stars got into this mess or whatever, right?

[0:12] Right.

[0:14] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:39] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] And I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And surprise, surprise, who's here?

[0:44] Elliot Kalin.

[0:45] Oh, wow.

[0:46] Hey, Elliot.

[0:47] You look different.

[0:48] Yeah.

[0:49] I'm feeling good.

[0:50] I'm feeling good.

[0:51] Elliot, you know, I don't know.

[0:54] He's got some nonsense, some bullshit going on.

[0:58] And by that, it means a busy, you know, like a busy social life.

[1:03] He's just goofing around on a beach somewhere.

[1:05] Whatever.

[1:06] He's on a beach.

[1:07] Yeah.

[1:08] Having a banana daiquiri.

[1:09] No, we've got Linda Holmes back.

[1:10] Of course.

[1:11] Of course we do.

[1:12] Who better?

[1:13] I'm so delighted to be here on my dog's favorite podcast.

[1:16] Now, I'm glad that you brought this up.

[1:18] Your dog's dog's favorite podcast.

[1:20] That's right.

[1:21] There was this, you put an Instagram story up about this, actually, about how you, the

[1:28] dog had gotten used to hearing the podcast in bed.

[1:32] And so now if the dog gets lonely, if you're not ready to go to bed at the same time as

[1:37] the dog, that we are there to...

[1:41] I have a tendency to use the back catalog of some of my favorite podcasts as my kind

[1:46] of like soothing audio.

[1:48] You know, I've done this with like various shows, but I do it a lot with this show.

[1:52] So the dog's very used to it.

[1:53] This is calming downtime.

[1:55] And so if he's upstairs and he's kind of grumpy and whining at me, I just pick up my phone

[2:02] and I play a little episode on the Sonos speaker up in the bedroom for him and he settles down

[2:07] right away.

[2:08] It just brings him a sense of calm.

[2:10] The funny thing is, that's also how I calm Dan down.

[2:13] I put him on the couch, I fire up an episode of his favorite podcast, Talk To A, and it

[2:21] just puts him right to sleep.

[2:23] Now, should we sing the dog a lullaby or something?

[2:26] I feel like it's due to some sort of targeted...

[2:29] No, it's just what it is.

[2:30] It's just perfectly what it is.

[2:32] Yeah, I feel like with Elliot not here, all of a sudden we're a singing podcast.

[2:39] He just wants it exactly as it is.

[2:41] Okay, well, that's good.

[2:44] You can't change things, Dan.

[2:45] Friend to the animals.

[2:46] Don't try to exert control.

[2:47] No, okay.

[2:48] But I am here with my...

[2:49] I am no Elliot Kaelin, but I am here with my willing heart and my list of famous people

[2:55] I have seen on Broadway.

[2:56] Oh, great.

[2:57] That's great.

[2:58] Excellent.

[2:59] Well, so we're gonna talk about Red One today, and part of the reason we were going to do

[3:04] it now was for it to be Christmas in July, and it was only as I was sitting down to watch

[3:09] that I realized that because of the schedule, this, of course, will come out at the beginning

[3:14] of August.

[3:15] So that reason has gone away, but the reason still exists that we promised that we would

[3:22] have Linda Beck to defend this, I assume, her favorite movie.

[3:28] That's what we do.

[3:29] That's what this show's all about, is bringing guests on to defend a movie they like.

[3:33] That's right.

[3:35] When I was on here talking, I think when I was talking about Trap with you guys, right?

[3:38] Yeah.

[3:39] The Josh Hartnett classic, Trap.

[3:42] I mentioned...

[3:43] I think we all liked it.

[3:44] Yeah.

[3:45] Right?

[3:46] Yeah.

[3:47] I mean, I think Linda liked it least.

[3:48] Yeah.

[3:49] I liked it least, and I still think he's very good in it.

[3:51] I still think he's...

[3:52] And by the way, if you have not seen him in Fight or Flight, it is a killer.

[3:56] You must see it.

[3:57] It's like...

[3:58] Does he get trapped on a plane?

[3:59] Yes.

[4:00] Awesome.

[4:01] Perfect.

[4:03] He's been fighting assassins for an hour and a half, and it is, I would say, 49% John Wick

[4:09] and 51% Sharknado, plus or minus 2%.

[4:13] Right?

[4:14] And he's got bleach blonde dye job, right?

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] Perfect.

[4:19] Yeah.

[4:20] And at one point, he's high on toad venom.

[4:21] There's like...

[4:22] It is a whack-a-doodle movie, and I absolutely loved it.

[4:25] Closing in on crank territory right there.

[4:28] Yeah.

[4:29] And it's incredibly bloody.

[4:30] I enjoyed it very, very greatly.

[4:32] But anyway, when I was here talking about Trap, I mentioned that I had seen Red One,

[4:37] and I had enjoyed it in 4DX, being thrown around like a sack of potatoes.

[4:43] Or presents.

[4:44] Or presents, exactly.

[4:47] And so I find myself back here, having watched it again, to see whether I still like it.

[4:53] Without the additional D.

[4:55] Yes.

[4:57] Without the additional D, and also without the timing of the fact that the first time

[5:00] I saw this movie, it was a week after the election in November of 2024.

[5:06] So it was like the end of a long season, and I work in a newsroom, and so just like a bit

[5:12] of a heavy time for people.

[5:15] I was probably going into it hoping that it would be a good time.

[5:19] So I was curious, when I got into it this time, whether I would still like it without

[5:23] the pressure of, you know, wanting desperately to have a good time.

[5:28] Yeah, I mean, the world's gotten so much better since then, right?

[5:31] Yeah, since everything is cool now.

[5:33] Everything.

[5:34] I had imagined you were going to say, like, oh, you know, and of course the first time

[5:37] I saw it was a time that there was a gas leak in my home.

[5:40] I was high on toad venom.

[5:43] I wouldn't have, no, I went out to an actual movie theater.

[5:47] I got air blown in my face.

[5:50] Does that interrupt the ability to snack in the movie?

[5:55] No.

[5:56] I've never done 4DX.

[5:57] I can say that I went to see Twisters in 4DX, which, you know, like left 4DX and then came

[6:04] back to it because it was like, everyone wanted to see it that way.

[6:07] I heard it was great in 4DX.

[6:10] I mean, we had a lot of fun other than like, it was one of the wildest screenings in terms

[6:16] of like weird shit going on around us that distracted us for the first half of the movie.

[6:20] But once those people were thrown out, it was fine.

[6:24] But I can tell you that Audrey, for some reason, decided that this was the time to get nachos.

[6:28] Yes.

[6:29] And if you're getting thrown around.

[6:32] It really, like, people think it's just going to be like a vibrating chair, like a massage

[6:36] chair or something.

[6:37] No, this thing throws you around and it is serious.

[6:42] Fortunately, at the beginning of that screening, I did find the button on the arm of the chair

[6:47] that said water so that I could turn it off.

[6:50] Because, listen, I'm a good sport.

[6:53] I'm a game girl.

[6:54] I don't want dirty movie theater water sprayed in my face.

[7:00] That's not, that's over the line.

[7:02] That's over the line.

[7:03] So I just got the, you know, the chair throwing me around and the breeze blowing in my face.

[7:08] There were some snow splosions that happened.

[7:13] And there are these things that like poke you in the back.

[7:16] Not entirely pleasant.

[7:17] But yeah, that was my first experience of Red One.

[7:21] Now I got to enjoy it at home.

[7:23] The way, believe it or not, I think it was originally intended to be.

[7:26] Yeah.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:28] This was supposed to first be just just an Amazon release.

[7:32] And then I read on the Wikipedia page that The Rock saw Oppenheimer and said Red One in IMAX would be a game changer.

[7:42] Yeah.

[7:43] That was his quote.

[7:44] It would be a game changer.

[7:45] That's what I heard, too.

[7:46] He's right.

[7:47] Well, no, Red One in theaters was a bomb.

[7:52] It was, however, a huge, you know, hugely viewed on Amazon Prime.

[7:58] I don't quite understand, though, still the economics of that idea, because it's like at this point people have these services or they don't have these services to do like a huge movie as like a loss leader to get people in the door.

[8:11] I don't know who's subscribing to be like, I see that Red One.

[8:14] I mean, the only time we've subscribed for something is when Poker Face came out on Peacock and we subscribed to Peacock for that.

[8:25] That's good.

[8:26] Still to this day, maintain that subscription.

[8:28] That's worthwhile.

[8:29] It's not a bad service.

[8:30] People make fun of that one for some reason, but I feel like it's got.

[8:33] Yeah.

[8:34] I mean, they're all the the the UI on all of them is terrible.

[8:37] Yes.

[8:38] Sure.

[8:39] But so it's hard to complain as one being worse than the others.

[8:41] But yeah.

[8:42] And I don't want to the traitors to write traitors.

[8:46] Watch is the fuck out of traders.

[8:47] Although I feel like traders U.S. is despite outside of Alan Cumming and his little outfits and attitude.

[8:55] He's got a lot of attitude outside of that.

[8:57] I feel like it's it's not as good as the other ones.

[8:59] Like UK traders is awesome.

[9:01] I would agree with that.

[9:02] Australian traders is awesome.

[9:04] I think on the whole, the fact that the U.S. traders is much more interested in celebrities and and famous is.

[9:11] Yeah.

[9:12] Well, specifically like people who really reality show people.

[9:15] Yes.

[9:16] I think hurts it.

[9:17] But yeah, I mean, listen, Alan Cumming and his little outfits is a lot.

[9:20] But yes, it takes you quite a ways.

[9:23] It gets me through.

[9:24] It gets you quite a way, especially after they added his dog.

[9:26] I mean, come on, man.

[9:27] But I will say as as what I promise will be my last piece of wind up.

[9:31] I do have a long history of being a liker of made for streaming action block bumpers.

[9:39] They're not like blockbusters, but they're like maybe a bumpier block a little bit like they're not like I was the person who liked.

[9:46] I liked Red Notice more than most people.

[9:48] I liked the gray man more than most people.

[9:51] I liked the Kevin Hart heist movie Lift, which was on Netflix, which I think no one saw.

[9:58] You haven't even said like.

[10:00] Like Carry-On or something, something that was genuinely liked.

[10:03] Carry-On was good. People genuinely liked that and I liked that.

[10:06] G20 with Viola Davis as the president.

[10:08] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that too.

[10:10] I mean, the thing is, is I would vote twice just for those shoulders alone.

[10:15] I mean, she is yo.

[10:16] Absolutely.

[10:17] So I am sort of like, I have a history for whatever reason of being

[10:21] kind of in the bag for these cheap, disposable action movies.

[10:26] I don't know why.

[10:27] So this is all the history that I bring to Red One.

[10:30] Okay.

[10:30] Well, let's dig into Red One.

[10:34] I'm going to be...

[10:35] But now the gloves are coming off.

[10:36] I'm going to be driving this.

[10:38] Good luck.

[10:39] Apologies if I ever get too detailed.

[10:42] You guys can.

[10:43] Without Elliot here, though, I feel like...

[10:44] Already, it's pretty detailed.

[10:45] I'll do my best to interrupt constantly.

[10:47] Okay.

[10:48] So at the beginning, we get a little preface where the kid version,

[10:52] who will be Chris Evans' character, takes a key from his relatives.

[10:55] They look exactly alike, do you?

[10:57] Well, I kind of liked that they didn't try and find a kid that looked exactly like...

[11:01] Because I wish they had stuck Chris Evans' head on a little kid's body.

[11:06] He could do it.

[11:07] He's got the range.

[11:08] He does have the range.

[11:08] Yeah, it's true.

[11:10] What they should do is do an opposite materialist and make him six inches shorter.

[11:16] Do they make him taller in materialist?

[11:18] Not him.

[11:19] Oh, who?

[11:20] Hayro?

[11:21] Yeah.

[11:22] You haven't watched materialist yet?

[11:24] You know, I was all...

[11:25] Don't want to be in the conversation.

[11:26] I was all in for it.

[11:28] Like, you know, I like past lives, not as much as you, but I liked it.

[11:33] And I like all those people.

[11:34] And then there was like such sort of mixed word on it.

[11:38] And there were other things.

[11:39] I just never got around.

[11:41] Okay.

[11:42] Interesting.

[11:43] Interesting.

[11:44] It's only okay.

[11:45] It's only okay.

[11:46] But it's got, you know, I can't miss a DJ theater movie, you know?

[11:50] That's what you call it.

[11:51] My favorite crazy person.

[11:55] Did we see Madame Web together, Stuart?

[11:57] Or was it...

[11:58] No, I watched it by myself.

[12:00] And a guy was like, one for Madame Web?

[12:04] Yep.

[12:06] So, okay.

[12:07] Young kid Chris Evans steals a key from relative to show his cousins that Santa doesn't exist.

[12:13] There's a cache of presents upstairs.

[12:17] And we get a too short cameo from Mark Evan Jackson as his uncle who insists that Santa is real.

[12:24] So, this does bypass my problem with a lot of like Santa is real movies where the adults don't.

[12:32] Like the adults don't think Santa is real.

[12:34] And then I'm like, well, where did all those presents come from?

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:38] But anyway, we flash forward 30 years.

[12:41] So, what maintains the economy if Santa's real?

[12:47] Who's buying all the stuff?

[12:48] Well, you still buy presents for non-Santa presents.

[12:52] Like you got a...

[12:53] There's the ones from your parents.

[12:54] I don't.

[12:55] Santa.

[12:56] Okay.

[12:56] I just wait for Santa.

[12:57] I think Santa would have to have like a sideline in crime to obtain the funds to run all this.

[13:05] Well, yeah.

[13:06] And that's the kind of in the weeds that this movie gets regarding the science and reality

[13:12] of the Santa situation.

[13:13] But go on.

[13:15] We go forward 30 years.

[13:16] Adult Chris Evans, aka Jack O'Malley, aka The Wolf, is some kind of tracker, super hacker.

[13:24] He's MacGyvering a distraction.

[13:26] I'm like a bad guy.

[13:27] He's like a bad guy.

[13:29] Yeah, he's a bad guy.

[13:30] But like for someone who apparently is like a criminal who does work for all these like

[13:34] mercenaries all over the world.

[13:35] Like he's more of like a, you know, he's a comedy bad guy.

[13:39] He's got a...

[13:40] He steals candy from a baby, literally.

[13:42] Yeah, he's got a big city New York accent of some kind that he's put on.

[13:49] East Coast.

[13:50] Anyway, he's MacGyvering his way into a security center to implant a USB for some reason as

[13:58] a job to pay off gambling debts.

[14:00] As you say, he steals some candy from a baby.

[14:03] And then we get the title drop, Red One.

[14:06] So that's when we stand up and cheer, right?

[14:09] Yeah, immediately.

[14:11] It's like the flash has entered the speed force and we get to see the titular Red One

[14:16] immediately.

[14:17] He's J.K. Simmons.

[14:19] He's the real Santa.

[14:21] He's a jacked Santa.

[14:23] Yeah, yeah.

[14:25] I have to say, like, if they're going to use a thing we know about J.K.

[14:30] Simmons as a quality of Santa Claus, like they went with lifting.

[14:35] I would maybe have gone with singing the fugue for Tin Horns from Guys and Dolls.

[14:42] Like, I might have incorporated that into Santa, but they go with the lifting.

[14:47] Now, one of my friends commented on this movie that it was like if Spike TV was trying to

[14:53] get in on the Hallmark movie thing.

[14:55] And I think part of that is like this jacked Santa thing.

[15:00] So yeah, you see J.K.

[15:01] Simmons working out, which is the thing we all know, right?

[15:03] From like Instagram and.

[15:06] Well, I mean, it's hard to miss, I feel like, because at this point, yeah, he's made a point

[15:13] of it.

[15:13] I actually did not know until just like this month that he was a singer, that he'd been

[15:19] on Broadway.

[15:21] I saw one of those like YouTube I'm talking about all my roles things.

[15:26] And he was talking about how like when he was looked at for Whiplash, you know, the

[15:32] director didn't know that he had a background in music.

[15:35] Yeah, he's got a beautiful voice.

[15:38] So that was exciting.

[15:39] I immediately sent Audrey videos of him singing.

[15:42] He was wonderful.

[15:43] He was in this like really, really successful revival of Guys and Dolls that Peter Gallagher

[15:49] was in and Nathan Lane was in.

[15:50] Oh, that one.

[15:51] Yeah, the big one.

[15:52] I mean, I feel like was that a was that a bigger surprise than finding out that Mads

[15:57] Mickelson was a ballet dancer?

[16:00] Uh, maybe.

[16:03] I mean, because like Simmons is known for like being like a gruff dude.

[16:08] Did it give you the tummy butterflies finding out Mads Mickelson was a ballet dancer?

[16:12] No, not the same.

[16:13] I mean, he's got that grace.

[16:15] Uh, anyway, so so he's he's he's posing as a mall Santa to get out amongst the kids,

[16:22] hear what's up in the world.

[16:23] Some asshole influencer tries to cut the line and we meet the Rock, who's his security,

[16:30] Santa security with a totally normal name, Callum Drift.

[16:33] Hell yeah.

[16:35] Oh, hell yeah.

[16:36] That's like, man, that's like a that's like a first draft D&D character name.

[16:41] Um, we get a little drift.

[16:45] My mistake.

[16:45] Sorry, Ellie.

[16:46] It's not here to call me on it.

[16:48] So, uh, he backs the influencer off after, you know, his shift as mall Santa.

[16:54] We get a little talk back and forth.

[16:55] We learned that the Rock is losing his Christmas spirit and wants to quit retiring.

[17:02] Yeah, Santa's motorcade goes to the airport.

[17:05] Yeah, the whole thing is very like, uh, like action movie, like dealing with a VIP or a

[17:10] president.

[17:10] And yes, they're like, uh, the Rock is like Santa's secret service, right?

[17:14] Yeah, I know he's treated as a head of state.

[17:17] Santa is sort of, um, and there's so many people involved in this fucking process.

[17:23] They like when the when they take off on their sleigh, there's like fighter jets following them.

[17:30] Like how what's going on?

[17:32] How do they keep this secret?

[17:35] They're just really they're just really good.

[17:38] Also, yeah, I guess that must be it at this point.

[17:41] Why do they keep this secret?

[17:43] Like, why do they let it be, uh, thought by, you know, many apparently that Santa does

[17:50] not exist.

[17:51] If he is, in fact, someone who exists and gives presents, you would think that spend

[17:56] so much time with the logistics of everything else would take a second to think about that.

[18:02] Uh, anyway, well, so as he takes off, uh, just because it'll become important at the

[18:07] end, Santa says Kavalame, his magic version of mush to his flying reindeer.

[18:13] Was this is this in canon, guys?

[18:15] Is this?

[18:16] I did not look up.

[18:17] I don't know.

[18:18] I don't know that.

[18:20] I looked up some other stuff that we'll get into later, but, uh, not not that word.

[18:26] Yeah, you looked up Bonnie Hunt feet.

[18:30] I would add, by the way, the reindeer are also quite jacked.

[18:35] Reindeer have been drinking a lot of, uh, Mountain Dew or what's the new one?

[18:40] What's the one that code red?

[18:43] No, I'm like, what's the like?

[18:45] Is it cert not surge?

[18:47] But what's the one that like, uh, it's similar to influencers or Hawking.

[18:52] Oh, man, crunch.

[18:53] I don't know that much about influence influencers and soda pop buddy.

[18:57] I have a I have a friend with like a son who spends all his time on YouTube and very into

[19:02] YouTube based food and drink.

[19:04] All I know about influencers and liquids is that they use expensive bottled water to do

[19:10] everything.

[19:11] Yes.

[19:11] Right.

[19:12] Um, so Chris evidence, Chris evidence.

[19:19] Now, that is a thing that's going to stay with me that I'm going to work on.

[19:25] Sometimes I think I have some sort of a patient and I get worried.

[19:28] Elliot line text about all the time.

[19:30] Really?

[19:31] Oh, no.

[19:32] Chris Evans sends some coordinates to some mysterious.

[19:38] And Santa arrives at the North Pole, which is, of course, a bunch of CGI mush.

[19:44] Just great.

[19:46] It's like winter Dubai, right?

[19:48] Yeah.

[19:49] Basically.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] Creatures are getting ready for Christmas.

[19:53] We get Mrs. Claus.

[19:55] Before mentioned Bonnie Hunt, another person who's not in the movie long enough.

[19:59] Yeah.

[20:00] Um, and, uh, so the rock, we get follow up on him wanting to quit.

[20:05] He hands in his resignation letter and he and Santa have a heart to heart, uh, during

[20:11] weightlifting.

[20:12] Yeah.

[20:13] And I'm like, wow, that's a, that's a serious overhead press.

[20:15] He's, he's doing there.

[20:16] I'm like, oh, he's going to squat three plates.

[20:19] That's pretty good.

[20:20] That's like the max I've ever done.

[20:21] And then he just starts overhead pressing it and I'm like, there's no way he's gotta

[20:25] be magic.

[20:26] Yeah.

[20:27] And then they like later on, they make a comment that it's okay that he eats cookies

[20:30] because he burned so many calories or something on Christmas Eve.

[20:34] And I'm like, what the fuck dude?

[20:35] He's magic.

[20:36] You don't need to talk about calories and shit.

[20:38] Yeah.

[20:39] I guess this is like a reason to explain why he's, uh, you know, a Jack Santa rather than

[20:44] the traditional, uh, jolly round man that we all know.

[20:48] But, uh, I don't know.

[20:49] Uh, but give me a rounder one.

[20:51] He can be checked and round at the same time.

[20:54] Yeah.

[20:56] So, uh, yeah, Santa doesn't want the rock to go.

[20:59] They have, uh, they talk about it, but this is the first year that there are more people

[21:04] on the naughty list than a nice list.

[21:06] And, uh, and Calum, that's very hard to believe that up and, uh, like what about during slavery,

[21:13] dude?

[21:14] That's crazy.

[21:15] And, uh, Santa says that they can't change people just see who they really are and believe

[21:20] in them.

[21:21] Will this have some thematic significance later in the, in the movie?

[21:25] Who knows?

[21:26] Can't imagine.

[21:27] Probably not.

[21:28] Uh, meanwhile, an armed mercenary team are approaching the North pole.

[21:32] Like it's the beginning of Scrooged and the rock notices that there's something wrong

[21:36] with some of the security lights and, uh, they can't find red one, AKA Santa.

[21:41] He's been taken with Neria Liam Neeson in sight.

[21:46] Um, it's more sludgy CGI where there's a chase.

[21:50] She catches up to the sled, but Santa's not in it.

[21:53] Uh oh.

[21:54] Yeah.

[21:55] Charlene was asking, uh, Charlene spent like 10 minutes asking me my thoughts on when there's

[21:59] sequences where, uh, where the rock is like sliding down like slides and stuff.

[22:04] Yes.

[22:05] Like, like he's on a roller coaster track.

[22:07] They're like, she's like, so did they film him like pretending to be sliding down something?

[22:12] I'm like, I don't know.

[22:13] I think the rock is one of those performers that's really easy to animate because he doesn't

[22:16] have any hair or anything.

[22:18] So he's like a default guy, like default strength build basically.

[22:23] You told Charlene, like, hold on, let me text Todd Vaziri, Todd, how they make rocks slide.

[22:29] Well, the thing that I think is interesting about this that I was thinking about while

[22:33] I was watching this opening is like, I think all the effects, like in that part where they're,

[22:39] he's outside and he's sliding on these tracks and he's falling around, like all that is

[22:44] that stuff I think looks terrible.

[22:46] And yet I think some of the, not all, I think some of the like creature stuff is cool.

[22:52] Like I like the, I like the big security polar bear.

[22:56] I like that guy.

[22:57] Garcia.

[22:58] Garcia.

[22:59] And a lot of the non effects based parts of this movie look better than this type of movie

[23:04] usually do.

[23:05] Like Jake Kasdan's the director and he's a reliable, you know, journeyman director.

[23:10] It's crazy because he doesn't have like a famous dad who's ever been or any famous relatives,

[23:14] right?

[23:15] Exactly.

[23:16] He got there.

[23:17] I just got there the old fashioned way.

[23:18] But no, I think like parts of it look really, really cheap and terrible.

[23:23] And other parts of it, I was like, yeah, okay.

[23:25] Like the, you know, Garcia and like I said, the reindeer I think are like pretty cool.

[23:29] But then other parts of it is like sub sci-fi channel.

[23:34] Well I liked a lot of the monsters in Krampus' cavern of weirdos.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:39] Yeah.

[23:40] I felt like a lot of those were masks unless the CGI is so good and I'm getting so old

[23:45] that I can't tell the difference.

[23:46] No, it could be.

[23:47] It could be.

[23:48] And I wouldn't say it looks like great per se, but I found the killer snowmen that come

[23:52] up later on pretty fun.

[23:53] Oh yeah.

[23:54] Those guys are, those guys are cool and kind of creepy.

[23:56] And they're all kind of hot frosties too.

[23:58] They are.

[23:59] They are hot frosties.

[24:00] They have well defined butt cheeks.

[24:01] You see some glutes.

[24:02] Yeah.

[24:04] Okay.

[24:05] Well, Lucy Liu appears in the movie and I'm glad to see her because I've been watching

[24:10] Elementary with Audrey.

[24:12] Have I talked about how much I think Johnny Lee Miller's performance is inspired by Sam

[24:16] the Eagle from the Muppets?

[24:18] You have not.

[24:19] Please.

[24:20] Because he doesn't turn his neck at all when he acts.

[24:21] I love it.

[24:22] It's true.

[24:23] That's true.

[24:24] That's like his whole thing.

[24:25] I love it.

[24:28] She appears on the screen in the North Pole situation room to yell at the rock about Santa

[24:34] being kidnapped and to say that they picked up some kind of tracking device that pinged

[24:38] the North Pole that they've traced it to the wolf.

[24:41] So back to Chris Evans, who's down and out.

[24:45] He's being reamed over the phone by his kid's mom, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, the waitress from

[24:50] It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

[24:53] He's a bad dad, hacker dad.

[24:55] We learned that among other things, he needs to learn how to be a better father.

[25:01] That's going to be his arc.

[25:04] She wants him to pick up their son, Dylan, from school.

[25:07] He's in trouble for doing some shenanigans and sort of following his dad's footsteps.

[25:13] And they have a conversation in the car that sort of makes it clear that while Chris Evans

[25:18] isn't the greatest role model, they still have a pretty good relationship in that he's

[25:23] a teen boy who actually talks to his dad and wants to talk to his dad.

[25:29] And the kid mentions that there's this winter jazz band pageant thing that night playing

[25:33] off like it's dumb, but it's clear that he wants his dad to be there, although he doesn't

[25:38] get the message.

[25:39] The wolf is not listening.

[25:40] No.

[25:41] It's too early in the arc for listening.

[25:44] Yeah, yeah.

[25:45] Yeah.

[25:46] And his apartment, he's surprised by a bunch of law enforcement and gets to show off some

[25:50] of his Captain America moves.

[25:52] He almost gets away, but is zapped by Lucy, who does a terrible job of interrogating

[25:58] him in the next scene with a lot of vague questions or statements like, we know what

[26:03] you did and who hired you to find him.

[26:05] Yeah.

[26:06] Which for a man who does a lot of this work seems very nonspecific.

[26:11] I do like that they zap him with these special guns that you have to like touch somebody

[26:17] with to knock him out and then they have to touch him with a different gun to wake him

[26:21] up.

[26:23] It's efficient.

[26:24] It's efficient.

[26:25] And I think like I think the reason why she does the interrogation that way, the reason

[26:28] why it's written that way is that what they're really going for in this interrogation is

[26:32] him gradually realizing what's going on there.

[26:35] They're going for him gradually being like, well, like, what are you talking about?

[26:40] Who are you asking about?

[26:41] Because naturally he's eventually going to figure out that they're talking about Santa

[26:44] Claus.

[26:45] Yeah.

[26:46] And so I think if she came in like to she came in being like, why did you help kidnap

[26:51] Santa Claus?

[26:52] You wouldn't have that slow like him figuring out that that's what she's talking about,

[26:57] which is kind of where they're going.

[26:58] I think with the interrogation, yeah, I think that's where they're going.

[27:01] I don't think it particularly works because we know there's a movie about Santa Claus

[27:05] getting kidnapped.

[27:06] Yeah, you know that.

[27:08] But he doesn't know that.

[27:09] I understand.

[27:10] But I feel like spending time wasting our time doing this cliche is less interesting.

[27:17] Well, I like the idea.

[27:19] I didn't realize that they had a different wake up gun.

[27:21] I like the idea.

[27:22] They're like, oh, sorry.

[27:23] I left the wake up gun back at the office.

[27:26] We just have the sleepy gun.

[27:27] Yeah.

[27:28] There's a lot of stuff where he's like mentioning things and they'll be like, oh, wow, is that

[27:31] the headless horseman?

[27:32] And they're like, yeah, he's real ho-hum boring.

[27:35] Yeah.

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:37] Well, that happens at the the bunker.

[27:39] That's sort of the headquarters of M.O.R.A., the Mythological Oversight and Restoration

[27:45] Authority, where Lucy Liu is presumably the chief of that operation, director.

[27:53] And yeah, Evans, we skip over him being like, this is crazy by him seeing the headless horseman,

[27:59] which is pretty good proof right away that creatures and beasties exist.

[28:06] And he learns that he accidentally helped kidnap Santa and the Rock shows up.

[28:12] He introduces himself as the head of E.L.F., which is Enforcements, Logistics and Fortification.

[28:20] E.L.F.

[28:21] Mm hmm.

[28:22] I get it.

[28:23] I get it, guys.

[28:24] Electric Light Orchestra.

[28:25] Yeah.

[28:26] They play electric forks.

[28:36] So we get some of the film's most cliched writing in this scene.

[28:40] Like this is like I'm going to spoil some of my reaction, like some of this movie worked

[28:46] for me.

[28:47] But the main problem is how many like cliches are piled on cliches in this movie, like just

[28:53] on a screenplay level.

[28:55] And we get Evans being saying the line, are you saying Santa Claus has been kidnapped?

[29:03] And also he gets to say lower for the trailer, please.

[29:08] They're talking about him and he gets to say, I'm right here.

[29:11] Oh, yeah.

[29:13] But, you know, he's a he has no loyalties.

[29:18] He finds people.

[29:19] So Lucy Lou decides just to pay him to find the guy he helped lose.

[29:25] And we've got our mismatched buddy team for this action comedy.

[29:30] And I want to say, like, this movie could have been so much more insufferable if Chris

[29:37] Evans' character was Ryan Reynolds.

[29:39] Like this feels like a Ryan Reynolds character and Evans does everything right.

[29:47] Reynolds would do wrong.

[29:50] Like so much as think about how bad the materialist would have been if it had been Ryan Reynolds.

[29:56] Oh, man.

[29:58] In a way, I kind of wish they did that.

[30:00] So it actually become like serious bad movie.

[30:03] Yeah.

[30:04] I mean, I think like when I watched Chris Evans, when I became a fan of Chris Evans

[30:09] in his time in the MCU, I was very like, I am super into Chris Evans, handsome dork,

[30:18] right?

[30:19] But it has turned out later that I am way more into Chris Evans, hot dirtbag, like that

[30:25] is even better to me.

[30:28] That's sort of what he's doing in Materialist.

[30:30] It's what he's doing in this.

[30:31] It's kind of what he's doing in Gray Man.

[30:33] Like when he's a dirtbag, I'm very, very into it as I am in this in this movie.

[30:38] Or, you know, an asshole, like that's a good gear for him, like Knives Out or Skull Pilgrim

[30:45] or Gray Man again.

[30:46] Yeah, that too.

[30:48] Oh, such a hot dirtbag.

[30:52] Well, of course, you know, a pro like the Wolf has actually does have some idea of where

[31:00] the money man who asked him to do this is.

[31:02] He put a tracker on something or other.

[31:04] So they go, they need to go to Aruba.

[31:09] The Rock reveals that toy stores are transit stations for Elf.

[31:12] They can zap people all around the world.

[31:14] So they go to Aruba and he has a...

[31:17] By the way, as you were saying, toy stores are transit stations.

[31:20] I'm literally like nodding along happily.

[31:22] Stuart is shaking his head.

[31:24] I hate it.

[31:26] Yeah.

[31:27] They like walk into this massive toy store and I'm like, do these even exist anymore?

[31:31] I thought they were all out of business.

[31:33] And then they go through, they use a special key and go through an employee closet that

[31:38] connects to a different, to a closet in an Aruba toy store.

[31:44] In the process, they scoop up a whole bunch of toys, which they will later use The Rock's

[31:50] arm bracer to distort, alter the reality and make it a real thing.

[31:57] This is a, I'm somewhere between the two of you because I'm like, well, if you're gonna

[32:03] make this movie and I don't recommend it, but you gotta make it, like you gotta do some

[32:08] of this stuff, right?

[32:09] You gotta be like, okay, let's like, what are the Christmas things that we can work

[32:14] with here?

[32:15] But it also does feel like they put up a big whiteboard and they're like, Christmas go

[32:20] toys, toy stores.

[32:22] What do you do with them?

[32:23] Like we gotta go down the checklist, you know?

[32:27] I do like the reoccurring, there's this movie got at least three laughs out of me.

[32:31] And one of them was when they're in the mall in Philadelphia and there's a woman angrily

[32:36] complaining on the phone about essential oils.

[32:39] And then they end up going into a mall in Germany and there's a woman in German complaining

[32:45] about essential oils.

[32:47] Yes.

[32:48] And Chris Evans clocks it, so I guess he speaks German.

[32:52] That's an unknown.

[32:53] Yeah, interesting character trait.

[32:55] But anyway, Santa's being held by our villain.

[33:00] Turns out our villain is Kiernan Shipka, Miss Mad Men, Sabrina herself.

[33:04] She's draining his magic energy in some kind of Santa tank.

[33:10] Some of this is like a lot of order and grouping things rather than, she's trying to duplicate

[33:16] some kind of a weapon, which is a reveal to be.

[33:18] This is all what I call the blah, blah, blah section of the movie.

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:23] She's got a weapon that's like the snow globe.

[33:25] She wants to use it.

[33:27] She says, I'll start with the first name on the list and her magic list reveals the name

[33:31] Aaron Abel.

[33:32] And I'm like, there's no way that's the first name on the list.

[33:35] There's no like Aaron Aronson, Ardberg, Ardvark, like, come on.

[33:40] Yeah.

[33:41] You know, you should put all these in a letter and you should send it to them in the event

[33:47] they make a sequel.

[33:48] Dear Santa, I was very disappointed in your movie.

[33:53] And here's why.

[33:54] Also, I would.

[33:55] Well, I love that Linda's basically saying like a blanket to the plophouse, go tell it

[34:00] to the Marines.

[34:01] Oh, yeah.

[34:02] Exactly.

[34:03] Well, we're in Aruba now on the beach.

[34:04] There are more Charlie.

[34:05] Charlene made a comment.

[34:06] She's like, oh, I guess somebody wanted to go to Aruba.

[34:07] And I'm like, there's no way in the world they went to Aruba for this.

[34:08] Yeah.

[34:09] Yeah.

[34:10] It looks like they just threw some sand.

[34:11] Yeah.

[34:12] But yeah, on the beach, there are more thong bikinis than I was expecting in Red One.

[34:13] And Evans uses his scumbum powers to detect other people.

[34:14] Yeah.

[34:15] Yeah.

[34:16] Yeah.

[34:17] Yeah.

[34:18] Yeah.

[34:19] Yeah.

[34:20] Yeah.

[34:21] Yeah.

[34:22] Yeah.

[34:23] Yeah.

[34:24] Yeah.

[34:25] Yeah.

[34:26] Yeah.

[34:27] Yeah.

[34:29] The way that Evans uses his scumbum powers to detect other scumbums and locate the bad

[34:34] guys, there's a fight where the Rock changes size from guys.

[34:38] Rock size.

[34:39] I kind of like this.

[34:40] Yeah.

[34:41] You like the Little Rock?

[34:42] Yeah.

[34:43] Yeah.

[34:44] Wasn't that a show?

[34:45] Little Rock.

[34:46] Yeah.

[34:47] Wasn't that a big capitol?

[34:48] Yeah, I think it was.

[34:49] It is.

[34:50] It is a city.

[34:51] It's also there was a show, I think, Young Rock, I think was a show.

[34:52] Well, it's not young rock, it's.

[34:53] Well, I think it's.

[34:54] I think it's kind of a, sort of a jungle.

[34:57] I think that's true.

[34:58] Well, he's not young, he's just little because he clicks his little heels together and he

[35:00] gets small.

[35:01] Yeah.

[35:02] He gets small and then big.

[35:03] Cut right, Ant-Man.

[35:04] Uh-huh.

[35:05] Yeah.

[35:06] Uh-huh.

[35:07] Uh-huh.

[35:08] It's pretty funny, though.

[35:09] But he only gets like, he gets like, he doesn't get tiny.

[35:10] He just gets like.

[35:11] No, just enough to be distracting.

[35:12] He gets like scale model size.

[35:14] He gets like if you were making a model of the Rock to like show somebody how you were

[35:19] going to costume him or something, but you didn't want it to be like six and a half feet

[35:23] tall.

[35:24] Yeah.

[35:26] You wanted a scale model of the Rock.

[35:27] That's how big he looks.

[35:28] Yeah.

[35:29] You're trying.

[35:30] Yeah.

[35:31] Because the Rock is too big.

[35:32] So if you need to print him, you're like, I got to do this in what, like 60%?

[35:33] Yeah.

[35:34] Exactly.

[35:35] Some mech heads of the Rock.

[35:36] Exactly.

[35:37] We want to build the Rock.

[35:38] It's a figure.

[35:39] It's a figure.

[35:40] Yeah.

[35:41] A Rockette.

[35:42] So we do.

[35:43] A Rockette.

[35:44] Christmassy.

[35:45] We do.

[35:46] We meet the middle man, who's played by Nick Kroll.

[35:47] Nick Kroll.

[35:48] And he makes a meal out of this one, guys.

[35:49] Yeah.

[35:50] No, he's always good for a big performance.

[36:02] He won't give the name of the woman who employed him because she will hear it.

[36:08] So the Rock says, write it in the sand.

[36:09] And then Evans reads it aloud anyway, like a doofus.

[36:15] And it's Grilla, who is an actual figure from Scandinavian mythology, a kind of a troll

[36:22] queen.

[36:23] The guy that Han Solo shot.

[36:26] No, that's that's Grillo and Stitch.

[36:34] She hears her name from across the globe and possesses Kroll.

[36:39] This is, I think, a fun bit, like he gives he gives a lot to this.

[36:43] He enjoys this part.

[36:44] Yeah, he's like, I'm not going to be in this movie long.

[36:48] I'm going to do the most he's the he's the he enjoys being possessed by a witch.

[36:53] Yeah.

[36:54] I mean, I get it.

[36:59] So through through Kroll, she outlines her plan.

[37:02] She wants to punish everyone who's ever been naughty.

[37:06] And she sends some snowmen to attack them.

[37:09] These guys are hard to fight until you realize you you can just yank their carrot noses off.

[37:14] And kill them.

[37:15] And they have freezing powers and they're ridiculously jacked.

[37:19] And they all pile out of a one ice cream truck.

[37:21] Yeah.

[37:22] Yeah.

[37:23] I got to look more like the snowman.

[37:24] Yeah.

[37:25] Yeah.

[37:26] We get a little vignette of Aaron Abel acting like an asshole and getting trapped in a snow

[37:31] globe left by the bad guys.

[37:33] And I'm supposed to, I guess, zap immediately back to Grilla, but Grilla, but doesn't.

[37:41] So I don't know.

[37:43] I don't know why this scene is here necessarily.

[37:47] I think they're trying to show that it's not quite ready yet.

[37:50] Also, that it does something when you open the box and they need to show the stakes so

[37:55] that later on when somebody opens a box, you're like, oh, no, they're just trying to introduce

[38:00] the idea that these snow globes are no bueno.

[38:03] You open the snow globe, you touch it.

[38:06] And like Aaron Abel, you scream inside your car and then you disappear.

[38:13] It's such a shame, right, because this really killed the snow globe industry when they put

[38:17] it in this movie like this.

[38:19] Kids were terrified of them.

[38:20] Gigantic lawsuit, I think, from the snow globe industry.

[38:24] This is like a baseball stadium where they were just like burning snow globes.

[38:29] Yeah.

[38:30] Yeah.

[38:31] Yeah.

[38:32] Yeah.

[38:33] Throwing those in Philadelphia.

[38:34] Throw them on to the throw them on to the field.

[38:35] And previously, kids loved snow globes, their favorite toys.

[38:41] Just shaking them, look at them after they've been chewed.

[38:44] Kids' favorite toy is their phone, I think, forever.

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:48] Yeah.

[38:49] So, OK, the trail's gone a little cold, but Lucy Liu and her team look for unauthorized

[38:56] magic and find one at the home of Santa's adopted brother.

[39:01] So they go to Germany where Evans, on the way, gets a phone call about this concert

[39:08] from Dylan's mom that he should go to.

[39:10] But he's busy saving Christmas.

[39:13] And we get another heart to heart where Evans tells The Rock he's staying out of Dylan's

[39:17] life because he doesn't want to disappoint him.

[39:19] And The Rock is like, well, that strategy is clearly not working.

[39:23] So we're going to get a Christmas change of heart, I think.

[39:27] You should be a good dad, Hacker Dad.

[39:30] Fingers crossed.

[39:32] We get a little info dump outside of Santa's brother's lair about how they used to work

[39:38] together.

[39:39] But the brother got interested in punishing people more than punching the naughty, more

[39:44] than rewarding the nice.

[39:45] So Santa took the list away from him.

[39:48] And of course, Santa's brother is revealed to be Krampus, everyone's favorite Christmas

[39:56] themed villain, I guess, semi villain.

[40:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[40:01] Oh, man, as Evans later says.

[40:05] Yeah.

[40:06] So Evans immediately ignores the Rock's

[40:08] warning not to touch anything inside of Krampus's home

[40:12] and steal some gold, which gets them caught.

[40:14] And in prison, the Rock gives him a little quiet lecture

[40:19] about there's always a choice to be good or not be good.

[40:24] And he also says the line, I was one day away from retirement.

[40:27] Hell yeah.

[40:28] Yeah.

[40:30] Because why do it if you're not going to say it?

[40:32] Exactly.

[40:35] So I do like there was a little bit

[40:37] where they have to distract some hellhounds by the Rock,

[40:42] what, altering the reality of his little rubber chicken

[40:45] keychain to turn into a chicken that distracts the dogs,

[40:49] only for it to show up right when they're leaving

[40:51] so that the chicken can come back to him.

[40:53] That was a good character.

[40:54] I like that one.

[40:55] Helpful rescue chicken.

[40:56] Yeah.

[40:58] That's very D&D to me.

[40:59] That feels like a very D&D move.

[41:02] They go to see Krampus.

[41:03] He's in the middle of this slapping game

[41:06] where creatures slap each other to unconsciousness or death.

[41:09] What do you think of the slapping game, Stuart?

[41:11] Would you ever?

[41:12] Yeah, I mean, I'm a gamer, boy.

[41:15] Put me in.

[41:16] OK.

[41:17] I like this because I thought it was,

[41:19] I think it's extremely weird.

[41:21] And I think this movie is at its best when it's more weird.

[41:24] Yep.

[41:25] And I think the idea of them just slapping

[41:28] the shit out of each other is weird and funny.

[41:32] I was into the slapping contest.

[41:34] Yeah.

[41:35] And this is a rare moment where The Rock is presented,

[41:39] rare moment in his career where The Rock is presented

[41:42] to be less tough than someone else.

[41:44] Yes, that's true.

[41:45] There's no, you didn't put in his contract,

[41:49] like, The Rock must be shown to be able to beat any Krampuses.

[41:52] Yeah.

[41:54] He can't be shown as getting the shit slapped out of him

[41:57] by a mythological figure.

[41:59] I mean, it's a good thing they didn't have Vin Diesel

[42:01] playing Krampus or they couldn't have done it this way, I think.

[42:05] Because wasn't that the rumor was that they wouldn't allow

[42:09] each other to beat them up in the,

[42:11] or was that him and Jason Statham?

[42:13] No, no, that was, yeah, it was him and Vin Diesel.

[42:16] The understanding I had was, yeah, that all fights

[42:20] had to sort of be interrupted at the end.

[42:22] So there's no clear winner.

[42:25] Yeah.

[42:28] So The Rock tries to appeal to Krampuses' brotherly affections.

[42:32] Vin Diesel's history with being a Street Shark spokesperson,

[42:36] I think would have really translated well to him

[42:38] being a good Krampus.

[42:39] Not to deride the guy who's playing Krampus who's doing...

[42:42] Yeah, he was also an Iron Giant.

[42:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[42:45] And the guy who plays Krampus, I think is a Game of Thrones guy,

[42:48] but he is doing his damnedest to sound like Nandor

[42:51] from What We Do With the Shadows.

[42:53] Yeah, he was a Street Shark spokesperson.

[42:56] Yeah, he was like, there's a commercial

[42:57] of Vin Diesel selling Street Sharks.

[42:59] Okay.

[43:00] You haven't seen this?

[43:02] Maybe, I don't know.

[43:03] This is, it slipped my mind if I...

[43:04] Okay, we're gonna pause the podcast

[43:05] and Dan's gonna Google this real quick.

[43:09] It'll change your life.

[43:10] It's like Googling Vin Diesel with hair,

[43:12] which is also a very fun thing to look at.

[43:14] At first it sounded to me like, you know,

[43:16] like the Street Sharks, you know, would amongst themselves,

[43:21] come up with like their feelings on a thing

[43:23] and then Vin Diesel would come out.

[43:24] Oh, yeah, that's it.

[43:25] Yeah, he was a representative for Street Sharks.

[43:30] It's definitely the most...

[43:30] He's like a big slam-moo,

[43:32] who's really standing up for trans rights.

[43:34] It's the most bureaucratic part of West Side Story.

[43:40] So Krampus says, look, I'll let you,

[43:44] the wolf, Jack O'Malley, Chris Evans,

[43:47] I'll let you go to deliver a warning to Mora

[43:50] to not do this, not sneak into my lands,

[43:52] but I am gonna keep Callum Drift forever

[43:56] as my prisoner, as punishment.

[44:02] Nobody ever wants to imprison anybody temporarily.

[44:04] Have you noticed that?

[44:05] In things like this, it's always like,

[44:06] you're gonna be imprisoned forever in the snow globe.

[44:09] You're gonna get bored of him for a while, right?

[44:11] Well, exactly.

[44:12] It's like, how long do you wanna feed this guy?

[44:14] Have you seen him?

[44:15] Yeah, I've seen what he eats.

[44:17] Have you seen what The Rock eats?

[44:19] It's crazy.

[44:20] I mean, I don't think they're gonna

[44:21] keep up with his regime.

[44:23] Three giant salmon and...

[44:27] Yeah, he eats one of those steaks

[44:29] that tips your whole prehistoric car over.

[44:33] I mean, he is called The Rock, right?

[44:35] That's a Flintstones name.

[44:37] It's true, it's true.

[44:40] Also, in terms of their detective work or whatever,

[44:42] it turns out that Santa is not there,

[44:45] that Rilla just came there to get

[44:48] the original evil snow globe that she's now-

[44:50] Because she and Krampus used to date

[44:53] or be an item of some flavor.

[44:54] Yeah, so again, Evans is free to go,

[44:58] but he takes The Rock's words to heart

[45:00] about seizing the opportunity to do the right thing.

[45:04] And he says he recognizes another bedding man in Krampus

[45:08] and challenges Krampus to a slap fight

[45:12] against The Rock for their freedom.

[45:15] And The Rock, of course, is like a WTF

[45:18] because Krampus is like a winter god, essentially.

[45:24] And he is overmatched until Evans pickpockets

[45:27] the risk doohickey back,

[45:30] which allows him to slap Krampus harder

[45:33] and also zap some Rock'em Sock'em robots large

[45:35] so they can escape.

[45:37] I think that's cute.

[45:37] I like the Rock'em Sock'em robots.

[45:39] I did like the Rock'em Sock'em.

[45:40] It was fun.

[45:42] But now they're a true team.

[45:44] They leave to save Christmas,

[45:46] but Evans again accidentally says Grilla's name,

[45:49] which makes her manifest a piano in the road

[45:52] in front of their car,

[45:53] which is playing the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

[45:57] And it has a present addressed to Jack O'Malley.

[46:00] That was a good line when Chris Evans is like,

[46:03] does this sort of thing happen to you a lot?

[46:05] And The Rock's like, what, a player piano

[46:08] in the middle of a road in Germany?

[46:10] No, that's rare.

[46:12] Yeah.

[46:15] Yeah, he is wisely suspicious of this

[46:19] mystery magic piano present.

[46:24] He doesn't pick up the snow globe

[46:26] and tell Dylan Phones mad that he is not

[46:30] at this jazz pageant performance.

[46:35] Guys, TV and movies show people using FaceTime

[46:38] like all the time.

[46:39] Yeah.

[46:40] Do you guys, is this a thing that I'm just,

[46:43] I just don't do and everybody else is doing?

[46:45] Should I be FaceTiming?

[46:46] The young people might.

[46:47] I don't personally because the percentage

[46:50] of the time that I wish to be seen

[46:53] is not as high as it is perhaps

[46:55] for Chris Evans and his son.

[46:56] I like having, I like being seen a lot,

[46:59] but I also feel like it's hard for me

[47:01] to get the angle right.

[47:02] So it's not just all nose hair.

[47:04] Right, sure.

[47:05] I would say that like,

[47:07] definitely like phoning is sort of

[47:12] mostly off the menu.

[47:13] It's primarily text and I will FaceTime,

[47:17] but only with like family.

[47:19] If it's like, this is, we gotta see each other

[47:23] face to face every once in a while.

[47:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[47:26] Make sure my dad didn't get a really weird haircut

[47:28] or something.

[47:29] I do have, I do have like, I have a couple

[47:32] of people that I still talk to on the phone.

[47:35] And the great thing is that now it's like,

[47:37] that's like really special.

[47:38] Like I have a friend who lives in Wisconsin

[47:39] and she calls me like sometimes from her car

[47:41] when she's on the way home from work,

[47:42] she'll just call me just so we can chat.

[47:45] And like, it's really cool.

[47:46] Cause like nobody talks to me at the phone anymore.

[47:48] So she calls me, I was like, yay.

[47:50] Cause you know, my little phone lights up,

[47:51] which usually just means it's something about work.

[47:54] But it's like, oh, it's someone who just wants

[47:56] to chat and say hello.

[47:57] So I agree.

[47:58] Phoning is mostly gone, but it's not completely gone.

[48:01] And when it comes back in my life,

[48:03] I'm always a little bit glad.

[48:04] I will say that the one person I will have

[48:06] a phone conversation with is the absent Elliot Kaelin.

[48:10] Every once in a while, we will have a phone call

[48:13] to reaffirm our friendship apart

[48:16] from this business enterprise long running.

[48:20] Yeah, we have to have real, a lot of it.

[48:23] It's always like Elliot, you need to take more time off.

[48:25] Yeah.

[48:26] Yeah, it's a lot of me just, yeah, you're killing yourself.

[48:29] And sometimes I'll get a phone call from,

[48:32] I'm always excited when I get a phone call from Hodgman

[48:35] when he's driving up to Maine or something.

[48:37] Nice.

[48:38] I absolutely believe it.

[48:40] Yeah.

[48:41] Entertain me, Stuart.

[48:42] I'm like, oh, I'll try.

[48:43] Oh, this is what a bar is.

[48:46] This is what beers we have on tap.

[48:49] Okay.

[48:49] So The Rock realizes that if Grilla wants

[48:53] to mass produce these snow globes,

[48:55] the one place to do it is the North Pole.

[48:58] So Santa must actually have never left.

[49:00] It was all a fake out, a diversion.

[49:03] Do we address that Chris Evans and his son

[49:05] both get sucked up in snow globes?

[49:06] Oh yeah, sorry, sorry.

[49:08] We sort of, yeah, we got diverted in the middle of it.

[49:11] Yes, Dylan had phoned him mad about

[49:15] not being at the performance

[49:17] and sending this dumb snow globe instead.

[49:20] And he's like, no, don't touch the snow globe.

[49:23] He gets sucked in.

[49:24] So Chris Evans says, you know,

[49:27] I'm gonna get sucked into this snow globe.

[49:29] Find me.

[49:30] Find me, very last of the Mohicans.

[49:32] Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna steal,

[49:34] steal from the best.

[49:35] So romantic, so romantic.

[49:38] Find me.

[49:39] So yes, again, The Rock realizes,

[49:42] okay, he must actually be at the North Pole.

[49:45] Santa must have never left.

[49:47] It was a fake out.

[49:48] He calls the pole.

[49:49] He realizes that Mrs. Claus is actually

[49:52] one of Grilla's shape-shifting sons.

[49:55] Yeah, yeah, you're like,

[49:56] your foster parents are dead.

[50:00] So, in the globes, the snow globes, that is, Evans tells Dylan that, look, we're not here

[50:13] because of anything that Dylan, you did.

[50:16] I'm sorry.

[50:17] I've been a bad father.

[50:19] And their hearts figuratively grow three sizes, shattering them out of their globes, where

[50:24] they reunite with The Rock and Lucy Liu, who've snuck back into the pool.

[50:28] And they realize that Kieran and Shipka, Greela needs Santa to power the sleigh so she can

[50:35] deliver her evil presence.

[50:37] So they can't let the sleigh take off.

[50:40] And there's a chase and a fight and they free Santa.

[50:43] But Greela takes her giant troll form.

[50:47] It's pretty cool.

[50:48] I like it.

[50:49] They have no hope of fighting her until Krampus arrives, having had his predictable change

[50:54] of heart.

[50:55] Do you think Kieran and Shipka mo-capped all that?

[50:58] Actually, that's a good question.

[50:59] I don't think so.

[51:00] That thing had a lot of arms.

[51:01] I don't know what you'd gain, necessarily.

[51:02] I mean, she might have a lot of arms.

[51:03] We don't know.

[51:04] Yeah, it's true.

[51:05] CGI'd out in other roles.

[51:06] That's a good point.

[51:07] Yeah, I heard that about Mad Men, that that's what made it such an expensive show to produce.

[51:08] They're just cutting out all the extra arms.

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:10] They considered putting him back in for Totally Killer, but still, they didn't think it worked.

[51:11] Yeah.

[51:12] Wow.

[51:13] There's a cut where she does that.

[51:14] What a fucking cut.

[51:15] Yeah.

[51:16] Yeah.

[51:17] Yeah.

[51:18] Yeah.

[51:19] Yeah.

[51:20] Yeah.

[51:21] Yeah.

[51:22] Yeah.

[51:23] Yeah.

[51:24] Yeah.

[51:25] Yeah.

[51:26] There's a cut where she does that.

[51:27] What a fucking pull.

[51:28] Yeah.

[51:29] Yeah.

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:31] Yeah.

[51:32] Yeah.

[51:33] Totally Killer.

[51:34] Oh, OK.

[51:35] Anyway, more CGI fighting.

[51:36] Grilla grabs the rock to kill him, but an awakened Santa yells his magic reindeer word,

[51:40] and the rock slips from her grasp, and she's butted by those hyperdrive antlers into the

[51:46] sleigh of snow globes.

[51:48] She gets trapped her inside.

[51:49] They trap her inside.

[51:52] There's some brief unsentimental making up between Santa and Krampus, and now we gotta

[51:56] deliver presents.

[51:57] It's Christmastime.

[51:58] Evans and his kid get to ride on the sleigh, watching Santa deliver billions of gifts at

[52:06] warp speed.

[52:07] There's a lot of Pym particle growing and shrinking.

[52:10] Do they text his mom why he's missing?

[52:14] There's a call where Dylan's like, you won't believe where I am, and with no context for

[52:20] the mom, I assume she doesn't believe where he is.

[52:23] Yeah, that's true.

[52:25] What is your jerk dad have you doing now?

[52:29] That's one of your dad's con men friends dressed up as Santa.

[52:33] Santa can't believe that, Jack.

[52:37] There's one moment I like in the present deliveries where Santa steps on a bulb accidentally and

[52:44] an elf swoops down to replace it to erase any evidence of him ever being there.

[52:48] I thought it was a good bit when he was taking cookies off plates, and there's a shot of

[52:53] him taking a macaron off a plate and then putting it back.

[52:55] Yeah, because earlier in the movie, it was established that he doesn't like macaroons.

[53:00] And Santa, I'll eat all of your macaroons.

[53:02] I love those things.

[53:05] You heard it here, folks.

[53:06] Mail Dan macaroons.

[53:07] Mail Dan all the coconut macaroons that you left there.

[53:12] As the sun rises, the rocks, father and son reconnecting and the music rises to and he

[53:20] says to Santa, he says, I almost lost it.

[53:24] And Santa says, it's easy to lose it.

[53:27] The important thing is to keep trying, which, given the state of the world, I found more

[53:31] moving than the film deserve.

[53:32] Yeah.

[53:33] That's the plot of the movie, Losing It, right?

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:38] Well, this is because he looks over and he sees Chris Evans had morphed into his child

[53:42] version, right?

[53:43] Mm hmm.

[53:44] Mm hmm.

[53:45] Yeah.

[53:46] Um, anyway, they all really Dylan should not be there because, like, if we've if we've

[53:50] morphed back to dad as a child and like Dylan should really not exist yet.

[53:55] He's only as an idea.

[53:58] I think he sees people as children, not his eyes or time turners.

[54:02] Time travel.

[54:03] I hear you.

[54:04] I hear you.

[54:05] Your way is good, too.

[54:06] I guess.

[54:08] Yeah.

[54:09] I mean, they both work.

[54:10] Yeah.

[54:11] Well, they have a moment of pride over saving Christmas.

[54:14] And we get Santa Claus is coming to town, blaring over the credits.

[54:18] And that's the tale of red.

[54:20] Amazon made a point of telling me that that was Mariah Carey singing.

[54:25] Were there any bloops or any post credit things?

[54:28] Because I turned it off immediately.

[54:29] No post credit stuff.

[54:30] OK.

[54:31] OK.

[54:32] I'm sorry.

[54:33] I was distracted because Barbara Crampton sent in the line that she recorded for Fly

[54:40] Scraper.

[54:41] Oh, she said, here you go.

[54:43] Hugs and kisses.

[54:44] Oh, man.

[54:45] She's the best.

[54:46] Kisses.

[54:47] Yeah.

[54:48] I thought about you, Stuart.

[54:49] We did a whole pop culture happy hour episode about post credit sequences.

[54:52] Oh, cool.

[54:53] I thought about you, the guy who never sees them.

[54:56] Yeah.

[54:57] When those words don't make any sense to me, post credit sequence, that doesn't make any

[55:01] sense.

[55:02] Yeah.

[55:03] The story is over at the credits.

[55:04] I took the I took the anti listen, I was the I was the lady who left too early at Sinners

[55:10] and Jesus.

[55:11] No.

[55:12] You're the second person.

[55:13] Oh, wow.

[55:14] Did that.

[55:15] Yeah.

[55:16] Is that that one actually like raises the movie up significantly?

[55:17] I know.

[55:18] Even though I really have my temptation moment, I had totally loved it.

[55:21] And but but I you know, I was at a press screening and I was trying to get to my car.

[55:25] I was like, OK, that's a credit.

[55:28] Movie's over.

[55:29] I know who won.

[55:30] I know, dude.

[55:31] I never do that.

[55:33] I didn't stay and I didn't stay.

[55:34] And then, like, it took forever for, like, my buddy that I was meeting after to get out

[55:37] of there.

[55:38] And he was like, did you see the part where blah, blah, blah.

[55:39] And I was like, no, you're like, I did not want to risk seeing the name of a single grip.

[55:48] So I was the you in that situation.

[55:49] Wow.

[55:50] I'm so sorry.

[55:51] You with many other many other movies.

[55:53] But no, I don't think this one didn't have any as far as I know.

[55:57] Well, let us do our final judgments on Red One, whether this is a good bad movie, a bad

[56:03] bad movie or a movie we kind of liked.

[56:08] So I I scoffed at the idea of Red One when you said you had enjoyed it when we when we

[56:16] talked last.

[56:19] I I have to say I'm not I'm still going to come down on on bad bad because it is such

[56:27] a cavalcade of cliches that on just like a story screenplay level, I can't see my way

[56:36] clear to enjoying it.

[56:38] But I will say for a bad bad, I liked it a lot more than I thought I was going to.

[56:43] It was a lot more watchable than I assumed.

[56:46] I think that between again, Jake Kasten is a reliable sort of like working director.

[56:56] Chris Evans in particular, I enjoyed, but the whole cast is doing a pretty good job.

[57:02] Even I'm getting tired of this type of thing for The Rock.

[57:06] But this is less annoying than this type of thing for The Rock usually is.

[57:10] So like it's I will give it my my highest possible recommendation, which is even is

[57:16] marginal.

[57:17] I like it better than I thought I would.

[57:19] Even bad bad is still a scale.

[57:20] It's still a scale.

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:22] Yeah.

[57:23] I mean, I would say I'm going to kind of be with you.

[57:24] I'm going to say this is a soft bad bad for me.

[57:27] I it I'm just not I'm like so tired of the magical thing is real, actually.

[57:32] And here's all the rules.

[57:34] I find it takes a lot of joy out of life and the movie, but I think that the two leads

[57:42] are very winning.

[57:44] As long as Dwayne The Rock Johnson is not running for office, I still think he is a

[57:48] very fine, passable movie star action hero guy.

[57:52] Chris Evans.

[57:53] He's great.

[57:54] You know, it's it's fine.

[57:57] I wish there was more, I guess, women in this movie, but that's there's a couple of women

[58:02] in it, but they don't really get to do anything.

[58:05] And yeah, like the yeah, it's not not my bag, but I'm not too mad at it.

[58:11] I feel like you guys feel an obligation to let me down easy that I assure you is not

[58:16] necessary.

[58:18] I am by far in the minority about this movie and saying that it is a movie that I kind

[58:23] of like.

[58:24] I, I think the reason it worked on me is that.

[58:31] Throughout I think almost the entire movie, Chris Evans thinks he's in a comedy and The

[58:37] Rock thinks he's in the North Pole has fallen slash taken for slash something incredibly

[58:47] serious.

[58:48] Yes.

[58:49] And I think the fact that he I think even for him, I think he he leans into the silliness

[58:54] and the kind of up eyebrow thing less than he does in most movies and stays very, very

[59:00] severe as does like Lucy Liu and, you know, and I think the fact that most of those people

[59:06] play it like super, super, super straight is what made it funny to me.

[59:11] I can't really like I can't really make a good argument on its behalf other than Chris

[59:18] Evans hot dirt bag.

[59:20] But watching it again, I was like, I'm probably not going to like this watching it like outside

[59:23] the context of, you know, really needing to be entertained at that particular moment

[59:27] and like having this weird 40 X experience where I was just so happy every time they

[59:31] stopped shaking my chair that I think it gave me a rush of like affection for the movie

[59:35] every time they stopped beating the hell out of me while I was in my seat.

[59:40] But honestly, watching at home, I still I still liked it.

[59:44] I still liked it even as a as a as a as a summer movie.

[59:47] So what can I say it?

[59:50] It is what it is.

[59:51] I am that girl.

[59:53] Yeah, yeah.

[59:54] And I look, I maybe you don't have to let her down.

[59:58] He's not like maybe I maybe.

[1:00:00] My language was gentle, but I actually, yeah, it is marginal for me.

[1:00:03] Like I came so close to being something I was like, I kind of like this.

[1:00:08] But to me, it's a good one to watch for me in the future.

[1:00:12] If I watch it at Christmas, I will watch it with like a lot of like fast forward button because

[1:00:17] yeah, I really did mean it when I said like to me, I like Karen and Shipka.

[1:00:20] But most of the actual baddie stuff is very like blah, blah, blah.

[1:00:25] I don't care.

[1:00:25] Just I just tell me what they're fighting over and get me back to the buddy movie.

[1:00:29] How do you think this one compares to some of the other like

[1:00:32] Christmas kind of action movies like something like Ernest Saves Christmas?

[1:00:38] What was that?

[1:00:39] That's what we're saying.

[1:00:40] What was the violent night or the holdovers?

[1:00:46] It's emotional.

[1:00:48] It's definitely not up there, I think, with like the best Christmas action movies.

[1:00:55] But it's also not down there with the Christmas movies that make me hate Christmas.

[1:01:01] So, oh, come on.

[1:01:04] You got me.

[1:01:05] You got to spill the tea.

[1:01:06] You got to name names.

[1:01:06] I can't.

[1:01:07] I now, of course, I'm completely blanking.

[1:01:11] Like, how do you feel about like the Hallmark Christmas movies?

[1:01:15] Love them.

[1:01:16] OK, love them.

[1:01:17] If you're going to talk trash, I was going to tell Alonzo to turn on.

[1:01:19] No, no, no.

[1:01:21] The interesting thing is like those those have markedly improved in the last few years.

[1:01:27] Yeah, I think they had some executive shuffling maybe,

[1:01:31] and I'm not sure if that's going to continue.

[1:01:33] But those that actually like they're much more endearingly written than

[1:01:37] then I think people who only watched them like 10 years ago

[1:01:41] would necessarily be aware of.

[1:01:43] They write some pretty cute ones.

[1:01:44] I love I would imagine the the writer pool has grown for that.

[1:01:48] Like the people who want to write those movies.

[1:01:50] I think that's right.

[1:01:51] I actually know.

[1:01:52] I actually know somebody who I knew from like an old job who writes for them,

[1:01:56] who's a good writer and writes like good, cute movies.

[1:01:59] And I'm always so excited when he has like a movie that's running.

[1:02:03] So, yeah, I mean, I thought you were going to say,

[1:02:06] where does this fit on the on the scale of these cheapo streaming blockbusters?

[1:02:15] And I think on that I think on that scale,

[1:02:17] this is like probably top half of those.

[1:02:21] Yeah, that's right.

[1:02:22] But like I said, I have like a I have like a weird soft spot for these.

[1:02:25] I don't know why.

[1:02:26] It's one of my most inexplicable.

[1:02:30] It helps that it's not dreary.

[1:02:32] I think some of them end up being like weirdly dreary.

[1:02:34] Like, I feel like the gray man was too dreary for me.

[1:02:37] I get that.

[1:02:38] And one of my one of my friends who saw this said that she wished it had been

[1:02:41] like more colorful, that the color palette is very like even the Santa suit is like

[1:02:45] a red leather that's kind of a it's a sort of a dark red, like almost a maroon.

[1:02:51] She wanted like a more Christmassy, like red look.

[1:02:54] Yeah, but they're not.

[1:02:55] But they're not trying to go for that.

[1:02:56] They're trying to go for like serious, cool, like leather guy.

[1:03:01] So tired of that digital dreariness.

[1:03:03] I was thinking the same thing.

[1:03:06] Yeah, I get that.

[1:03:07] I like that.

[1:03:08] I like the polar bear.

[1:03:16] Hey, it's John Moe from Depressed Mode.

[1:03:18] Every week on our show, we have honest, humane conversations with artists,

[1:03:22] entertainers and experts about what it's like to live with an interesting mind.

[1:03:27] I just interviewed Gavin Rossdale from the band Bush.

[1:03:30] You might be wondering, what would a successful,

[1:03:33] handsome, popular musician know about mental health?

[1:03:37] Turns out, lots.

[1:03:38] All the time, we're like we're forced into happy situations, sad situations,

[1:03:44] challenging situations, happy, sad, challenging.

[1:03:47] And it just never ends.

[1:03:49] And why should it?

[1:03:50] You know, we're just the sum of all these journeys.

[1:03:53] Check out Depressed Mode with John Moe every Monday at MaximumFun.org

[1:03:58] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:04:00] Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture?

[1:04:03] Well, I have just the thing for you.

[1:04:06] Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries.

[1:04:09] Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by me.

[1:04:15] And me, host Brenda.

[1:04:16] We've already tackled mysteries such as

[1:04:18] what happened to the puppets from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

[1:04:21] Is Snoopy Mexican?

[1:04:22] And why do people hate Barney so much?

[1:04:25] From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all.

[1:04:29] Check us out every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

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[1:05:40] Flop TV Season 3 is officially on sale.

[1:05:44] Tickets are on sale.

[1:05:45] We'll be streaming six episodes once a month

[1:05:48] from September through February of next year in our usual time slot.

[1:05:52] That's the first Saturday of the month at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 Pacific.

[1:05:57] This year's theme is Flopsterpiece Theater.

[1:05:59] We'll be covering some classic bad movies decade by decade

[1:06:03] from the 2000s back to the 1950s.

[1:06:07] And those movies are The Adventures of Pluto Nash,

[1:06:11] Jack Frost, the Michael Keaton one,

[1:06:13] Xanadu, Zardoz, Dr. Dolittle, and Plan 9 from Outer Space.

[1:06:19] These are film discussions, not screenings.

[1:06:22] We don't have the expensive screening rights,

[1:06:24] but we will enliven every show with presentations,

[1:06:29] fun pre-tapes, and questions from the chat.

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[1:06:34] Go to theflophouse.simpletix.com.

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[1:06:40] And just like last time, individual show ticks will be $7.

[1:06:44] Or you can get a full season pass for $35 for the whole season.

[1:06:50] That's the equivalent of getting one episode for free.

[1:06:54] Also, if you have tickets,

[1:06:55] that entitles you to video-on-demand versions of the show

[1:06:57] after the live taping is done.

[1:07:00] You can watch those or re-watch at your leisure

[1:07:03] through the end of February

[1:07:04] or possibly later if we offer a grace period.

[1:07:06] So if you miss a show, when it airs,

[1:07:09] or buy a season pass later in the season,

[1:07:12] that is no problem.

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[1:07:21] We hope you will join us.

[1:07:23] Now back to the show.

[1:07:25] Well, let's move on to letters from listeners.

[1:07:29] Uh, if you're a listener,

[1:07:31] maybe this is your letter.

[1:07:32] Who knows?

[1:07:32] There's a chance.

[1:07:34] Is your name Ben, last name withheld?

[1:07:37] Well, let's see if this is your letter.

[1:07:39] As I write this,

[1:07:41] I am listening to the Venom Last Dance episode.

[1:07:43] I have neither read Venom nor seen any of the movies

[1:07:47] or even the Raimi Spider-Man 3.

[1:07:50] This means that when I listen to

[1:07:52] or passively ingest Venom-related trivia,

[1:07:55] I am deeply confused about how he is represented on screen.

[1:07:59] He can be worn like clothes,

[1:08:00] but he's also Eddie Brock's internal monologue.

[1:08:03] Eddie Brock can transform into him,

[1:08:06] but also Venom can hold on to Eddie Brock.

[1:08:09] Are Venom or Eddie Brock or both of them

[1:08:12] biting people's heads off?

[1:08:13] He slash it can dance.

[1:08:16] Just some of the challenges I face

[1:08:18] in movie nerd podcast land.

[1:08:20] I mean, yeah, the thing is like,

[1:08:21] all of that is accurate.

[1:08:23] Like having seen it,

[1:08:24] I'm like, yeah, of course.

[1:08:26] When you lay it out like that,

[1:08:28] it seems crazy.

[1:08:29] Have any of you guys been so completely lost

[1:08:32] by the description of a movie

[1:08:34] that you had to see it

[1:08:36] to understand how it worked on screen?

[1:08:39] Thanks for the great memories

[1:08:40] and for being such great companions

[1:08:42] to my growing older.

[1:08:44] Long may you endure.

[1:08:45] Peace, Ben, last name withheld.

[1:08:48] This is such an interesting question.

[1:08:51] I wanted to pose it,

[1:08:53] even though I don't know

[1:08:54] if I can think of a good example.

[1:08:56] I'm sure there's stuff where I'm like,

[1:08:58] wait, what?

[1:08:59] I will say like my immediate connection

[1:09:03] to this question is also about

[1:09:05] listening to episodes of this show

[1:09:07] where I haven't seen the movie,

[1:09:09] whether it's like a new episode,

[1:09:10] old episode.

[1:09:11] Some of it is like some of the

[1:09:12] with the kind of catalog episodes

[1:09:15] are things that I've never even heard of.

[1:09:17] And I'm like, I never even heard of this.

[1:09:19] Never saw it.

[1:09:19] Never heard of it.

[1:09:20] Have no idea.

[1:09:21] And sometimes there have been things

[1:09:22] where I'm like, OK, I'm going to sneak in

[1:09:24] and like see what this actually looks like.

[1:09:26] Like, what does this?

[1:09:27] I remember.

[1:09:28] Oh, gosh, I can't.

[1:09:29] I'm trying to remember what it was.

[1:09:30] I don't think it was when you did food fight.

[1:09:33] It was one of the animated ones.

[1:09:35] The description of the animation

[1:09:36] was so evocative that I was like,

[1:09:38] I have to actually go see what.

[1:09:41] So I think like I think

[1:09:42] it can come up any time

[1:09:43] you're hearing people discuss something

[1:09:46] that like no matter how.

[1:09:49] Like specific the visual description is,

[1:09:52] you just really feel like you want a reference.

[1:09:54] So it's not uncommon for me to go in

[1:09:56] and like, you know, look up something.

[1:10:00] But I think other than that,

[1:10:01] I usually now am so like overexposed to imagery

[1:10:07] from movies and stuff like that,

[1:10:08] that I usually have at least some reference point

[1:10:10] if it's something new and something relatively popular,

[1:10:13] like I don't care about venom either,

[1:10:16] but I sort of knew some stuff about venom

[1:10:19] just like by osmosis, so.

[1:10:21] There is, it's not exactly this

[1:10:23] where it's not like I can't get my head around it,

[1:10:25] but I was really thinking that like,

[1:10:28] sometimes I read criticism, I read reviews,

[1:10:33] and either because they don't wanna reveal something

[1:10:36] or because the movie's tone is hard to describe,

[1:10:43] I'm like, I'm not sure what this movie is,

[1:10:45] like I need to see it to understand.

[1:10:48] And one of the things that I had that experience with

[1:10:52] is the movie, Good One, which is a very simple story

[1:10:56] about a girl going on a camping trip

[1:10:59] with her dad and her dad's friend.

[1:11:01] But the way like criticism around it went,

[1:11:07] I'm like, I don't understand, is this a thriller,

[1:11:12] is this a drama, like I was trying to fit it into a box

[1:11:17] and having seen it, like I understand what it is

[1:11:21] and I don't think it needs to fit

[1:11:23] into any kind of box necessarily,

[1:11:27] but I kind of also get why it's hard to write about

[1:11:31] because it's so much about tone and small things

[1:11:36] that you have to see it to understand.

[1:11:39] Well, and the other thing that sometimes happens for me

[1:11:43] when I'm talking about movies is that depending

[1:11:45] on how much distance there is from the movie,

[1:11:47] this is more of an issue with new things,

[1:11:49] that sometimes you really do wanna talk

[1:11:51] about the essence of something in a way

[1:11:52] that people would consider to be spoiling it.

[1:11:55] And so sometimes you're talking around things

[1:11:58] in the movie so much that it's really difficult

[1:12:02] to convey how the thing actually looks

[1:12:05] because you can't talk very specifically about anything.

[1:12:09] And so that can be, I think, a reason why sometimes people

[1:12:12] feel like the thing is just not,

[1:12:13] they can't get their arms around what in the hell

[1:12:15] you're talking about, you're trying not to say

[1:12:18] what happens in it.

[1:12:19] And like, so I think that can come up too.

[1:12:22] I had this experience talking to Stuart just recently

[1:12:26] because I mostly enjoy Mike Flanagan

[1:12:30] and Stuart's more of a doubter,

[1:12:32] but I saw Life of Chuck and I was like trying to be like,

[1:12:35] no, I enjoyed it and I was trying to explain it

[1:12:37] in a way that makes me interested

[1:12:40] but not reveal what the whole deal is.

[1:12:43] I think I ran into that exact thing with that exact movie

[1:12:46] when I wrote a review of that movie

[1:12:48] and I had exactly the same experience.

[1:12:50] It's really hard to describe,

[1:12:52] but you don't want to sound like you're being like,

[1:12:54] oh, I can't even describe it to you.

[1:12:56] It's so like, you know, it's not that,

[1:12:58] it's like trying to actually explain

[1:13:00] how that movie is structured is you feel like

[1:13:03] you're giving away something that maybe the person

[1:13:05] has the right to experience in that.

[1:13:08] Because that's always my mindset about spoilers

[1:13:10] is like, am I taking away an experience

[1:13:12] that the person has a right to have, right?

[1:13:15] And with Life of Chuck, it's like, yeah, anyway.

[1:13:20] And you know, that movie is essentially

[1:13:23] like not that complex a story,

[1:13:25] but everything that makes it work,

[1:13:29] you know, you can't tell someone that it's not.

[1:13:32] Yeah, it doesn't feel right to lay it out,

[1:13:35] you know, quite the way you would feel like you need to.

[1:13:38] Yeah, I mean, I feel like there's gotta be an answer,

[1:13:42] but for me, it's just like,

[1:13:45] I guess it's like all the movies that Christina shows

[1:13:51] at the ridiculous sublime screenings at the Nighthawk,

[1:13:53] where every time I'll read the description,

[1:13:56] I'm like, okay, well, I'm in, sign me up.

[1:13:59] I'll see what kind of madness I'm in for.

[1:14:02] I trust our friend's taste when it comes

[1:14:04] to weird silliness, but we gotta see it.

[1:14:08] And it can happen the other way around too.

[1:14:10] There are times when I see something,

[1:14:12] and then I think, I'm not gonna really feel

[1:14:14] like I have had a complete experience

[1:14:16] until I hear other people try to explain this.

[1:14:20] You guys did not do Wolfman, right?

[1:14:22] The Wolfman with Christopher Abbott?

[1:14:25] No.

[1:14:25] The Leigh Whannell Wolfman?

[1:14:28] Christopher Abbott's in that?

[1:14:29] The one that was, what's his face?

[1:14:30] Yeah, with Julia Garner.

[1:14:31] Yeah, I had high hopes for that,

[1:14:33] because I liked Invisible Man so much, and then.

[1:14:36] Exact same, and then it is not good.

[1:14:38] It is not good.

[1:14:39] And the way that they transform him

[1:14:40] into Wolfman is very strange.

[1:14:43] And when I got out of that, I was like,

[1:14:45] I really wanna read a bunch of reviews

[1:14:47] of whether I am completely off

[1:14:49] about how weird I thought this was.

[1:14:51] Anyway, good question, Ben, last name withheld.

[1:14:57] The next letter is from Saoirse, last name withheld,

[1:15:01] who writes, recently, someone on Blue Sky brought up

[1:15:05] how strange it was that a Best Picture winner

[1:15:07] like Forrest Gump spawned a successful chain restaurant

[1:15:11] that was actually comparatively kind of fine.

[1:15:15] Peaches.

[1:15:16] I can't make any judgment calls on this.

[1:15:17] Yeah, I've never been.

[1:15:18] Me neither.

[1:15:19] Peaches, in a world where Oscar.

[1:15:20] And more of a, what, Dick's Crab Shack, or whatever,

[1:15:23] kind of guy.

[1:15:24] Is that a, is that a chain?

[1:15:27] I don't remember.

[1:15:28] Probably.

[1:15:29] Okay, I don't know that one.

[1:15:31] Peaches.

[1:15:32] Dan's more of a Tilted Kilt kind of guy.

[1:15:36] In a world where Oscar nominees had themed restaurants,

[1:15:40] what would be your go-to order?

[1:15:42] The Conclave Clam Linguine, the Happy Hour Mank Frank,

[1:15:47] the Zookeeper $3 Bucket of Oranges,

[1:15:50] Thanks for the Laughs, and the Boko Susha.

[1:15:53] Yeah, the Lidia Tar Serpentar, Serpentar, Serpentar.

[1:16:00] Your Lord.

[1:16:02] That's great.

[1:16:05] The Conclave Clam Linguine is pretty good,

[1:16:07] but it has to come with a little vape on the side.

[1:16:13] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[1:16:15] Yeah, I think, you know, I mean, first of all,

[1:16:17] I just want to say, don't kid a kid, Arsershi.

[1:16:18] You wanted to just, you just wanted to show us

[1:16:20] how many good ones you had come up with.

[1:16:22] I agree you did.

[1:16:24] I agree you did.

[1:16:25] I absolutely all hail you.

[1:16:28] Yeah, I think that it would probably be something like,

[1:16:34] I think I would have to work backwards

[1:16:36] from what the movie is,

[1:16:38] but I would want to have the theme restaurant

[1:16:40] of a particular movie.

[1:16:41] But the problem with that is that

[1:16:45] Best Picture nominees are often so grim.

[1:16:48] Like, what do I want to do,

[1:16:49] eat at like the Oppenheimer restaurant?

[1:16:52] It's not gonna be Japanese food.

[1:16:53] That doesn't sound fun.

[1:16:55] We're eating at the Parasite restaurant?

[1:16:57] I don't, that doesn't sound good.

[1:16:59] It's pretty awesome, actually.

[1:17:00] You have to eat under the table.

[1:17:03] Maybe La La Land Lobster?

[1:17:06] Oh, yeah.

[1:17:07] You know, you'd have to pick

[1:17:08] like a relatively upbeat movie,

[1:17:09] otherwise you just end up

[1:17:11] in a really strange place very quickly.

[1:17:13] How about Sean Baker's and Orange Julius?

[1:17:17] It's a Russian restaurant, or Ukrainian.

[1:17:21] Okay.

[1:17:22] It's true, that's true.

[1:17:25] It's basically just Tatiana's out in Brighton Beach,

[1:17:28] which is great, you should go.

[1:17:31] Yeah, you getting a kickback for that?

[1:17:33] I wish.

[1:17:36] I wish I could get a table,

[1:17:37] because I see every time I go there,

[1:17:38] there's always like a bunch of like older guys.

[1:17:40] It's middle of the afternoon, summer,

[1:17:42] and there's always a couple of older guys there,

[1:17:44] smoking and drinking so much beer and vodka,

[1:17:47] and like eating the, you know, the heaviest food.

[1:17:50] And I'm so jealous of how sweaty they are.

[1:17:52] It's the life.

[1:17:54] Let's do recommendations,

[1:17:56] movies that we saw that maybe we can recommend

[1:17:58] with a fuller throat than-

[1:18:01] I see Dan's finger hovering around

[1:18:03] beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens,

[1:18:05] which I think you already recommended, right?

[1:18:06] No, I didn't even mention.

[1:18:09] Yeah, I saw that it was a 35 millimeter screening

[1:18:15] of what they claimed was the only extant copy

[1:18:19] of Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens.

[1:18:21] That was at-

[1:18:22] Streaming's just killing cinema.

[1:18:24] Yeah.

[1:18:25] No, I was, in passing,

[1:18:29] because it will not require my support,

[1:18:34] I'd like to mention that the most recent Superman

[1:18:37] had a similar message of like,

[1:18:39] hey, we can all make choices every day to be nicer.

[1:18:43] And it's a better movie overall than Red One.

[1:18:49] I will allow that, yeah.

[1:18:50] I enjoyed it very much,

[1:18:52] but I don't think it needs my voice thrown behind it.

[1:18:56] So I'll say I finally caught up with a movie

[1:18:58] that I kept seeing trailers for right before COVID.

[1:19:04] And I was like, oh, you know, I'll go see that.

[1:19:07] That looks fun.

[1:19:08] And I saw this trailer so many times and then COVID hit,

[1:19:11] and I never caught back up with it until just recently.

[1:19:15] It's Extraordinary.

[1:19:18] It's sort of a low-key, supernatural comedy

[1:19:25] starring Maeve Higgins.

[1:19:27] Yeah.

[1:19:28] And some-

[1:19:30] Will Forte.

[1:19:31] Will Forte, Claudio Odorgi, who's always great.

[1:19:34] Always so great.

[1:19:36] Bring back, what, Killing It?

[1:19:39] Yeah.

[1:19:40] It's almost like so gentle and low-key

[1:19:43] that like watching it not in the theater,

[1:19:45] watching it at home, like some of it, you know,

[1:19:49] almost passed right through me like a ghost.

[1:19:52] But it's sweet and funny and creative,

[1:19:56] and it's nice to see like a little small supernatural comedy.

[1:20:00] So I would say, go ahead and check it out.

[1:20:02] Stuart.

[1:20:03] Yeah, the movie I'm gonna recommend,

[1:20:06] I think by the time this is released certainly,

[1:20:08] came and went from theaters,

[1:20:10] and it hit the exact spot that I think Linda

[1:20:13] was talking about when you were talking about

[1:20:15] seeing Red One, and that is Megan 2.0,

[1:20:19] which is a very silly, more of an action movie

[1:20:24] than the first one.

[1:20:25] The first movie is kind of a horror comedy,

[1:20:27] and this is more of an action comedy,

[1:20:29] but it also reminded me of 90s action thrillers

[1:20:34] like Species and shit like that.

[1:20:38] I think it's still very funny, and I think it's weird,

[1:20:41] and it gets some good performances,

[1:20:44] and the action sequences I think

[1:20:45] are actually pretty well done,

[1:20:47] and I do like that even though at this point,

[1:20:50] Megan is almost entirely a digital character

[1:20:54] as opposed to a practical one,

[1:20:56] I like that they still kept the uncanny valley element

[1:21:01] where she still looks weird.

[1:21:03] There's something off about the way she looks.

[1:21:05] They didn't try to make her look real.

[1:21:08] Yeah, I'm with you on, I feel like we're a small club

[1:21:12] of people who likes the Megan sequel.

[1:21:16] I mean, what were people looking for in a Megan sequel?

[1:21:19] I think they wanted more of the same,

[1:21:20] and I liked that this swerved and was sillier and stranger,

[1:21:25] but it's still very good.

[1:21:26] But I feel like the tone is so similar that it's,

[1:21:30] yeah, maybe not to defend a movie, but you know.

[1:21:34] No, of course not, one would never.

[1:21:38] I...

[1:21:39] After what it did.

[1:21:40] After what it did.

[1:21:43] So I, if you're looking for a recent movie,

[1:21:47] I would have gone with Drop with Megan Fahey

[1:21:50] where she's in a restaurant, enjoyed that one very much,

[1:21:54] but.

[1:21:55] Still can't get over the fact that guy showed up

[1:21:56] for a date with a single mom.

[1:21:58] They've been talking for months.

[1:21:59] They go to a nice restaurant and he is dressed like shit.

[1:22:02] He is dressed, however, like a Chris Evans style dirtbag,

[1:22:05] but not as like a B tier Josh Hartnett dirtbag.

[1:22:10] That is a really fun movie, I liked it a ton.

[1:22:13] But then when I was preparing for a recent NPR conversation

[1:22:19] that I was part of, I watched a bunch of journalism movies.

[1:22:22] And so I watched, I re-watched all the President's Men

[1:22:26] and a bunch that I've seen before.

[1:22:29] I watched The Insider, so on and so on.

[1:22:32] And I really, really, I had never sat down

[1:22:35] and watched Shattered Glass all the way through,

[1:22:38] which I thought was really good.

[1:22:40] And if you don't know this story,

[1:22:41] Stephen Glass was a writer at the New Republic

[1:22:44] and got caught essentially fabricating in whole or in part,

[1:22:50] a whole bunch of magazine pieces that he had written.

[1:22:53] And I like a lot of things about this movie,

[1:22:55] one of which is this really tremendous cast that it has.

[1:22:58] And you go back and you're like,

[1:23:00] holy shit, this is, so many people are in this.

[1:23:03] It's like, you know, those two women

[1:23:05] who don't get to do a whole lot, but they're in it.

[1:23:07] Like that's Chloe Sevigny and Melanie Linsky.

[1:23:10] Yeah.

[1:23:11] And Hank Azaria is his boss at one point.

[1:23:14] And, but the thing I love about this movie,

[1:23:19] the thing that I responded to the most

[1:23:21] was Peter Sarsgaard playing his editor

[1:23:24] who goes through the most amazing,

[1:23:27] oh shit, oh no, oh shit transformation

[1:23:30] as he gradually figures out how bad this is.

[1:23:34] Because he comes in as the editor

[1:23:35] and mostly inherits this problem.

[1:23:37] And like, you see it dawning on him,

[1:23:41] like, this isn't great.

[1:23:43] Like, this might not be great.

[1:23:45] Like, oh, this might be really bad.

[1:23:47] And he just, in the face,

[1:23:49] he has been the best thing about so many things

[1:23:52] that I've seen him in.

[1:23:53] He was the only thing I liked about the TV version

[1:23:56] of Presumed Innocent, which was mostly,

[1:23:58] but he's really good in it.

[1:24:01] And he's so good in this that I just,

[1:24:04] I was really glad I watched it.

[1:24:05] It's one of those things where every once in a while

[1:24:07] NPR asks me to like prepare for something.

[1:24:09] And I go back and watch a bunch of catalog movies

[1:24:11] that there's no particular reason I've never watched them.

[1:24:14] I just haven't ever watched them.

[1:24:16] And this was a good opportunity to do that.

[1:24:19] So Shadow of Glass, you can find it on streaming.

[1:24:21] I thought it was great.

[1:24:22] Really, really enjoyed it.

[1:24:24] And it's a strong Hayden Christensen performance.

[1:24:26] It is a strong Hayden.

[1:24:27] I don't mean to leave out Anakin Scott Walker.

[1:24:29] It's funny, because his name is Glass.

[1:24:31] And Glass is made of sand.

[1:24:34] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:35] But he hates sand.

[1:24:36] Okay.

[1:24:37] It's a much better use of his vibe, though,

[1:24:40] than those Star Wars movies.

[1:24:42] Yeah, I think that's right.

[1:24:43] And I think-

[1:24:44] This and Little Italy.

[1:24:46] Well, and I think this is,

[1:24:48] are you saying you like this better than Awake?

[1:24:51] But I think this is a pretty good use of him

[1:24:56] as somebody who is a little bit of a cypher.

[1:24:58] Like, I don't know that this movie

[1:24:59] ever really tries to explain to you

[1:25:01] why this guy is like this.

[1:25:03] He just is.

[1:25:04] And does he feel bad?

[1:25:06] Like, maybe a little, but mostly it's about the problem

[1:25:09] that this creates for all these other people

[1:25:12] and how hard he tries to keep from being found out.

[1:25:16] I was really glad that I caught up with it.

[1:25:19] Yeah, that's a good one.

[1:25:21] Well, thank you so much, Linda, for being here

[1:25:25] and giving us an excuse to watch a movie

[1:25:27] that I did want to address on the podcast,

[1:25:29] but we kind of missed the first time around.

[1:25:32] Is this our chance to start doing some plugs?

[1:25:34] Because I have plugs.

[1:25:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:25:36] I was going to ask whether our guests had plugs,

[1:25:37] but maybe we'll let her in the plugs.

[1:25:40] Do you have a plug before that?

[1:25:40] I do have a plug.

[1:25:41] Sorry, Linda, I'm jumping in the plug zone.

[1:25:42] No, no, no.

[1:25:43] Not at all.

[1:25:44] Jump the plugs.

[1:25:45] Today I'd like to plug, I've mentioned this before,

[1:25:47] but my wife Charlene is opening a studio gym

[1:25:52] in Brooklyn, New York called Jiggle Studio.

[1:25:54] It is a body positive workout space

[1:25:58] that is going to have a variety of different classes,

[1:26:01] everything from traditional classes like step aerobics,

[1:26:05] some kickboxing, some Pilates, as well as like dance,

[1:26:11] as well as some like newer non-traditional classes

[1:26:14] like hangover recovery and things like that.

[1:26:19] We're very excited about it.

[1:26:20] We tried to do a Kickstarter a little under a year ago,

[1:26:24] and we didn't have much luck.

[1:26:25] And we had a variety of different struggles with the space,

[1:26:29] but we're finally going to be opening sometime

[1:26:31] in August or September.

[1:26:34] And if you would like to help support us

[1:26:35] and help push us over the finish line,

[1:26:38] we are running a couple of campaigns

[1:26:40] for tank tops and t-shirts.

[1:26:44] You can find it by going on the Instagram,

[1:26:47] following us on Instagram,

[1:26:48] which is jiggle underscore studio BK.

[1:26:52] And if you check the link in the bio,

[1:26:53] that'll link you to the campaigns.

[1:26:56] But we're very excited.

[1:26:58] And if you're in Brooklyn, get ready to move your tuchus.

[1:27:01] Get ready to jiggle.

[1:27:02] Love it.

[1:27:03] Absolutely love it.

[1:27:05] I will just say first that it is a great time

[1:27:10] to support your local public radio

[1:27:12] and public television station.

[1:27:15] That's all I'm going to say about that.

[1:27:16] They could really, really use your help.

[1:27:19] That's where I have made a bunch of my career.

[1:27:24] But on more cheerful note,

[1:27:29] my most recent book, which came out in February,

[1:27:31] is called Back After This.

[1:27:33] It is about podcasting in part.

[1:27:36] And I rolled up a lot of what I have learned

[1:27:39] from my long career in this kind of form.

[1:27:43] And it is part rom-com and part about influencers

[1:27:48] and part about podcasts

[1:27:50] and part about every terrible meeting

[1:27:52] I've ever been in at any media company.

[1:27:56] And so again, it is called Back After This.

[1:27:59] You can find it anywhere that you buy books.

[1:28:02] Co-sign, it's a fun read.

[1:28:03] Oh, thank you.

[1:28:04] And also, I read the audio book.

[1:28:05] So if that is your preference,

[1:28:07] you can hear me read it to you.

[1:28:11] And well, thank you for being here.

[1:28:13] And while we're thanking people,

[1:28:14] I'd like to thank our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:28:17] If you go to MaximumFun.org,

[1:28:19] you can find a lot of other great podcasts.

[1:28:25] We're Lister-supported, so we rely on people like you.

[1:28:29] And so why not check some of those other things out?

[1:28:33] And thank you to Alex Smith.

[1:28:36] He is our producer.

[1:28:37] He goes by the name HowlDotty.

[1:28:40] He is also a talented musician.

[1:28:42] He does Twitch streams.

[1:28:44] Look him up on the internet.

[1:28:46] If you like us, I bet you'll like his stuff as well.

[1:28:50] But that's it for this episode.

[1:28:52] So for The Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:28:55] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:28:56] And I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:29:00] Bye.

[1:29:01] Bye!

[1:29:11] We're gonna make it fun, Dan.

[1:29:12] It's gonna fix your day.

[1:29:13] We're gonna fix your day, Dan.

[1:29:15] I hope so.

[1:29:16] You having a bad day?

[1:29:17] Did I show up late?

[1:29:18] No, no, no, you didn't do anything.

[1:29:20] I just woke up a little sad.

[1:29:23] Wrong side of the bed?

[1:29:26] The whole, everything, everything is sad.

[1:29:29] You gotta grasp onto your joy, Dan.

[1:29:30] It's very important.

[1:29:31] Dan's just mad that they are not going

[1:29:33] to release the Epstein files.

[1:29:35] Yeah, aren't we all?

[1:29:39] I mean, he voted so that he would see

[1:29:42] what happened with the Epstein files.

[1:29:44] Right, right, of course.

[1:29:46] I think it is absolutely kind of amazing

[1:29:50] that like maybe this is the thing

[1:29:53] that actually makes a dent.

[1:29:56] We'll see.

[1:29:57] At long last.

[1:29:57] It's the most traction anything's had.

[1:29:59] At long.

[1:30:00] That's the thing that everyone could have assumed was true before.

[1:30:05] Anyway.

[1:30:06] It's not our problem for the next little while here.

[1:30:08] It's not our problem.

[1:30:09] Yeah, yeah.

[1:30:10] None of this is our problem.

[1:30:11] Our only problem is red one.

[1:30:12] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:13] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:14] It's a red problem.

[1:30:15] Okay.

[1:30:16] Here we go.

[1:30:17] Greta Gremlin committed suicide behind the screen.

[1:30:26] Maximum Fun.

[1:30:27] A worker-owned network.

[1:30:29] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:30:31] Supported directly by you.

Ep.#457 – Red One, with Linda Holmes

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