FH Mini - No I in Team

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Hey, welcome back to another Flophouse Mini, where we talk about...

[0:09] Are we sold on that name, Flophouse Mini?

[0:12] Wow, just derailing right off the bat.

Elliott Kalan

[0:15] I mean, the fact that it helps, it's kind of like a subtle little product placement for your wife's new bar.

[0:20] Oh, that's actually true.

S4

[0:22] I will say a smaller house is like a hut, so it might be Flophut.

[0:26] A third person.

Elliott Kalan

[0:28] Yeah, hold on, who's with us on this Flophouse Mini?

[0:30] Wait, a fourth person, rather. I can't count.

[0:32] No, Dan, it's the third person where you are, so that makes sense, and I know that you have trouble seeing people on screens,

[0:38] which is why it's so amazing that you do a movie podcast at all.

Dan McCoy

[0:41] Yeah, I'm like a cat that way.

[0:43] Some cats can see the flat images, but most cannot.

Stuart Wellington

[0:47] Wait, really?

[0:48] Yeah.

[0:49] Wait, where are you getting this information? From Cat Fancy?

[0:52] I don't know, the internet?

[0:53] From Jackson Galaxy, the cat whisperer?

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] If it's on the internet, it can't be false.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Okay, well, anyway, let's introduce our guest for this Flophouse Mini.

[1:02] Uh-huh.

[1:02] The same...

[1:03] We have...

[1:04] Well...

[1:05] Same one we had.

[1:06] Well, I feel special. Thanks, man.

[1:09] Wow, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10] We're stuck with the same old boring guests as last time.

[1:15] Okay, well, I guess...

[1:17] Everybody give a big yawn for...

[1:19] Start from the bottom and build up, I guess.

[1:23] Uh, yeah, so our guest is, of course, one of the hosts of the hit podcast,

[1:28] Hello from the Magic Tavern, and the hit podcast, Hey Riddle Riddle.

[1:32] That's right, Adle Refai.

[1:34] Hey there, Adle.

[1:35] Hey there, thanks for having me back.

Dan McCoy

[1:36] Oh, no problem.

[1:37] Okay, so what we've been doing with these Flophouse Minis, we'll table the...

[1:41] Wow, right to business.

[1:42] Dan doesn't even say hi to Adle.

[1:43] Nope.

[1:44] Well, these are supposed to be between 10 and 15 minutes, so we can't dither as much as we normally do.

[1:51] That's what politeness is to Dan, dithering.

[1:53] It kinda is.

[1:55] That's caused many problems in my life, actually.

[1:58] I'm like, why do we have to waste time with this part?

[2:01] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02] Anyway, um...

[2:03] And that's when an old man is like, well, if you had been nice to me, I was gonna share my billions with you.

[2:09] Instead, I'll just give it to this man.

[2:11] What's your name?

[2:12] And then it's, I don't know, Hitler or something.

[2:13] And you're like, no!

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Yeah, and you find out he actually wanted to share his DVDs of the TV show Billions.

[2:20] And you're like, thank God.

[2:21] What a...

[2:22] Dodged a bullet.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] What a chilling morality tale you've spun for me.

[2:27] Anyway, so these Flophouse Minis lately...

[2:30] I'm sorry, Adle.

[2:31] I apologize for my...

[2:33] Now you apologize to me?

[2:34] Not when you insulted my personality and talent?

[2:37] No, I just...

[2:37] I'm terrible.

[2:40] Anyway, moving on to...

Elliott Kalan

[2:41] Dan, so we know that it's only been minutes since we recorded the last episode.

[2:46] But to the listener, it's been a week.

[2:47] So they can only imagine what terrible things have happened to lead you to this place where you're so down on yourself.

[2:51] What happened, Dan, this past week?

Dan McCoy

[2:53] Oh, you know, I mean, I've got a cold.

[2:55] I think that's probably just it.

[2:57] I'm...

[2:57] As frequent listeners know, regular listeners, I have no immune system, apparently, because I spend at least two-thirds of episodes sick.

[3:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] Anyway, let's...

[3:11] But the other third, you're sick, which is cool.

[3:14] Uh-huh.

S4

[3:14] And then you do a kickflip on a...

[3:17] 360 Jesus Ollie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:19] Thank you.

[3:20] On a skateboard made out of a giant pepperoni pizza instead of wheels.

[3:23] That's right.

[3:24] They're donuts.

[3:26] Wow.

[3:27] Yeah, you get dessert as well as dinner.

[3:30] But which is dessert and which is dinner?

[3:31] You don't know, because you're an adult.

[3:33] You can do whichever one you want.

[3:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:34] Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time.

[3:36] No kids allowed when it's pizza, donut, skateboard time.

Stuart Wellington

[3:40] Well, I mean, that seems weird, because those are the perfect foods for growing kids.

[3:44] Oh, man.

[3:44] When you're dabbing on a skateboard.

Elliott Kalan

[3:47] Go to that strip club where it's all chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese.

[3:50] Adults only.

Dan McCoy

[3:51] Ooh.

[3:52] Okay.

[3:53] So, what we've been doing on these minis so far is taking suggestions of topics from Twitter.

[4:02] If you want to suggest a topic, it's at the Flophouse Pod.

[4:06] Or, wait, at Flophouse Pod.

[4:08] At Flophouse Pod.

[4:08] Sorry.

[4:09] I think it's the Flophouse Pod.

[4:10] Oh, boy.

[4:10] Wait, hold on.

[4:11] At the Flophouse Pod.

[4:13] All right.

[4:13] If you're wondering whether it has a definite article, it does.

[4:17] When I set this up.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:19] That's how you remember.

[4:20] It definitely has a definite article.

[4:22] Okay.

[4:23] Nope.

[4:23] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] Or you could just say, hey, what's the title?

[4:25] Oh, the Flophouse.

[4:26] And it's a podcast.

[4:27] At the Flophouse Pod.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Most people would have gone with Flophouse Podcast.

[4:33] Yep.

[4:33] And why didn't you?

[4:34] Well, I started going for the Flophouse Podcast, I think.

[4:39] And then the character limit kicked in.

[4:41] Maybe Flophouse Podcast has too many characters.

[4:43] Anyway, we're stuck with the Flophouse Pod.

[4:45] It's the Flophouse Pod.

[4:47] Uh-huh.

[4:47] Anyway, that's our mini episode on how the Twitter got named.

[4:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:51] No, we've had suggestions coming in.

[4:54] And the suggestion we chose this time around is teams of specialists in movies.

Stuart Wellington

[5:01] Yeah, I think we're all fans here.

[5:04] I am going to speak for all of you.

[5:05] We're all fans of heist movies, especially when they put together a sweet team of specialists.

[5:12] Obviously, if we're in a team of specialists, I would be like the brains of the operation.

[5:20] Oh, interesting.

[5:20] You know, like the mastermind.

[5:22] Because, you know, I'm pretty good at managing multiple things and also thinking through an entire sentence before I start talking.

Dan McCoy

[5:31] I mean, you are one of the two of us with managerial skills.

[5:38] Well, actually, I don't know about Adel, but I, you know, I've labored in a subordinate role my entire life.

[5:46] Whereas Elliot has been a...

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] I think it's pretty clear from the production of the podcast that you have no managerial experience.

[5:52] Shots fired.

Dan McCoy

[5:53] Woo, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Elliott Kalan

[5:54] That's because I'm the specialist who's like the marksman, you know, like the trick shot guy.

[6:00] But I'm also the master of disguise because who's this on our team?

[6:04] It's Randy Newman.

[6:05] Well, I think we're going to get this mission.

[6:08] We're robbing a bank or maybe we're breaking someone out of jail because they ain't got a friend in me.

S4

[6:15] He just carries a full piano with him at every heist they go to.

[6:20] Yeah, yeah.

[6:20] So he plays that song.

[6:22] Do we have to get this fucking Steinway in the bank?

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] I'll distract the guards while you sneak in the back.

[6:27] Yeah, the guards are confused as to why a Steinway piano has been delivered to the bank.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] So, yeah, I think Stuart's the brains.

[6:39] I'll be the marksman master of disguise.

[6:41] Dan, what would you do in this?

[6:42] There's a lot of good things you could do.

Dan McCoy

[6:43] Okay.

[6:44] Well, I can't be the wheel man because...

[6:46] Well, having lived in New York for, whoa, Jesus, like 17 years now, all of my driving skills have gone out the window.

[6:55] I would not trust myself with explosives.

[6:59] Could I just be...

[7:00] Could I be like the guy who like infiltrates the whatever we're doing?

[7:04] So, like, you sneak around and nobody notices you?

[7:07] No, no, not nobody notices.

[7:08] I'm playing a part, you know, like...

[7:10] Oh, cool.

[7:11] Like Carl Reiner in Ocean's Eleven.

[7:14] Okay.

[7:15] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] I think Dan, you might be the one who stays behind and looks up stuff on the computer.

Dan McCoy

[7:20] I don't have that skills.

[7:21] That skills.

[7:22] That skills.

[7:23] I mean, listen to the way I talk.

Stuart Wellington

[7:25] I don't have that skills.

Dan McCoy

[7:26] Although, as much as I want to be DJ Qualls in the core and hack the planet...

[7:31] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:32] I know.

[7:32] What about like a hand-to-hand combat master?

[7:36] Oh, yeah.

[7:36] Yeah, you could do that.

[7:37] Get up close and personal.

Dan McCoy

[7:39] I am learning something about myself, guys, that I do not like, which is I would be useless on a team.

[7:44] Would you be the, like, sexy distraction on the team?

Elliott Kalan

[7:50] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[7:51] Like you drop your something and you bend over and they're just looking down your shirt

[7:55] while we steal the gold.

S4

[7:57] You put a leg out from behind a brick wall.

[7:59] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[8:00] You walk by and everyone turns and lowers their sunglasses.

Dan McCoy

[8:03] Hey, boys.

[8:05] I have a handkerchief that I'm waving in the air.

[8:08] Uh-huh.

[8:09] And then the guard straightens his necktie going, hmm, and goes around the corner.

Stuart Wellington

[8:13] And then we would steal behind you and then sneak out with the pie that is cooling on the window.

[8:19] That's what it was all for.

Elliott Kalan

[8:21] Now, Dan, the handkerchief always seems like a weird thing to me because what's seductive about

[8:24] be reminded that a sexy lady also has boogers in her nose?

Dan McCoy

[8:29] Uh, that's a good question.

[8:31] Maybe the laciness of the handkerchief is reminiscent of the laciness of the lingerie.

Elliott Kalan

[8:38] But it's still going to make me think that there's snot all over the lingerie because that's what's on the handkerchief, right?

Stuart Wellington

[8:43] I feel like we've given Dan a lot to think on.

[8:45] He's currently tabulating it all on his computer.

[8:48] Adol, how about you, buddy?

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] And keep in mind that, as you can tell from that siren, the police are after us.

[8:54] They know that we're planning a heist right now.

S4

[8:56] Um, well, they heard the piano and that's a signature of the Newman Bunch.

[9:00] The Newman Bunch.

[9:03] The mysterious leader of the Newman Bunch.

Stuart Wellington

[9:06] That's Randy Newman.

[9:07] Well, how can you tell?

S4

[9:09] Well, there's a bunch of new mans.

[9:12] I would definitely want to be the sort of like the Q or the Simon Pegg in Mission Impossible.

[9:18] Where it's like, I get to wear like sweatpants with like a Hawaiian shirt and a tie.

[9:22] And I introduce all the cool shit where I'm like a technology sommelier.

[9:26] But then I never have to get my hands dirty.

[9:29] And there's a lot of me, like the audience is like, not the audience is watching it.

[9:32] But anyone who sees the technology is going fucking wild for it.

[9:35] But then like Stuart goes to like, you know, press the button on the cap.

[9:39] And I'm like, careful, that's arsenic.

[9:40] And I just saved his life and I'm kind of cool and young.

[9:42] I have suspenders probably.

Stuart Wellington

[9:43] And you're also like, you're also like a big fan of all the heisters.

[9:47] Oh, yeah.

[9:47] Like, because I remember when we first met and I was like, hey, I'm Stuart.

[9:50] Like, you were so impressed, right?

[9:53] You were really blown away.

[9:54] Yeah, yeah.

[9:55] Like, I had to sign all those photos you brought to me.

[9:58] And I sell them online.

[10:00] Then you start selling them online.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] So you're the weapons master.

[10:04] You're the technology guy.

[10:05] Yeah, yeah.

[10:06] I'm, of course, a marksman and a master of disguise.

[10:08] Stuart is the brains.

[10:09] Dan is the body.

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:12] He's the distraction.

[10:13] So what is our mission?

Dan McCoy

[10:17] Yeah, I think you should pick our first mission, Dan.

[10:19] Oh, God.

[10:20] Let's see.

[10:22] Pressure's on.

Stuart Wellington

[10:23] You heard those cops.

Dan McCoy

[10:24] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[10:26] Yeah, we're already on the run.

[10:27] So we better figure out what the crime is we're committing.

[10:29] What if we steal the Pink Panther diamond?

[10:31] Ooh.

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Okay.

[10:34] Wait, is it the diamond that's in the Pink Panther?

[10:36] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[10:36] See, the Pink Panther.

[10:38] Interesting side note.

[10:38] Is it shaped like the character of the Pink Panther?

[10:41] The Pink Panther, the first movie, is named after the diamond.

[10:45] Okay, go on.

[10:46] Which is the Pink Panther.

[10:47] I didn't know that.

[10:48] And then they made Shot in the Dark, second Pink Panther movie.

[10:54] But they logically were like, oh, no.

Stuart Wellington

[10:56] Is that the song that Whitesnake recorded for the movie?

[10:59] No.

Dan McCoy

[11:00] Yeah.

[11:00] No, Stuart's right.

[11:01] Although it does have a different theme than the famous Pink Panther theme.

[11:05] Both of them by Mancini.

[11:06] But logically, they're like, oh, there's no Pink Panther diamond.

[11:08] I'm going to tell you this.

[11:09] I prefer the Shot in the Dark theme.

[11:11] Shot in the Dark theme is great.

[11:13] It's a great theme.

[11:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:14] And it's the best movie in the series, as far as I'm concerned.

[11:17] Best movie in the series.

[11:18] And that's Shot in the Dark.

[11:20] And you're to blame.

[11:22] There's no Pink Panther in this one.

[11:25] Randy, get in there.

[11:36] Well, when you're Shot in the Dark, you still got a friend.

Dan McCoy

[11:42] Never not funny.

[11:43] Never not.

[11:44] But anyway, they logically thought that there was no need to name it Pink Panther

[11:48] because there was no Pink Panther diamond in it.

[11:50] Yeah.

[11:51] But then in future films, they're like, oh, we need that name recognition.

[11:55] We're just going to stick Pink Panther in there, even though there's no...

[11:59] The character's Inspector Clouseau.

[12:01] So it doesn't make any sense.

[12:02] Also, Shot in the Dark, based on an unrelated play that was changed to be an Inspector Clouseau

[12:10] movie, came out, was in production, came out three months or something after the first

[12:15] Pink Panther movie.

[12:16] And William Peter Blatty, who wrote The Exorcist, co-wrote Shot in the Dark.

[12:22] So that's our podcast on Shot in the Dark.

S4

[12:25] I think our first mission should be finding the lost colony of Roanoke.

[12:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[12:31] I think that's a good idea.

[12:32] Just a real layup, a real softball of a mission.

[12:35] Good heist.

Dan McCoy

[12:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:36] Well, because we have to find it, and then I guess we have to steal it from the...

[12:42] The...

[12:42] The werewolves?

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] Whoever's got it.

[12:47] Whoever's got it, we'll steal it from them.

[12:49] So if you...

[12:50] Well, first we'll start out by putting lost posters all over the city.

[12:54] Lost, Colony, Have You Seen This?

[12:56] And there'll be little slips with phone numbers on them.

[12:58] Not our real phone numbers, because again, we're criminals.

[13:00] Like a fake phone number that goes to a voicemail where we can get tips.

[13:04] And then...

Stuart Wellington

[13:05] Dan, you've been putting out those posters with your number to teach people guitar, right?

[13:09] So we'll just use the same poster, just cross out some of the information.

[13:13] And those posters say Crow Toa on them, right?

Dan McCoy

[13:14] Those posters say Dan McCoy will teach you mediocre guitar.

[13:19] You'll sort of plateau after learning a bunch of chords.

[13:23] Like you will learn like bar chords and some of the fancier ones.

[13:27] But you will not get beyond strumming.

[13:29] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] You're not going to be Steve Vai or anything.

[13:33] We'll put up a flyer that says Dan McCoy will teach you everything you needed to know and

[13:37] more about the Pink Panther movies.

[13:38] We'll have your number, which let me look up what it is.

[13:41] Hold on.

[13:42] Now it's a New York number, so the area code is...

[13:44] No, not on the air.

[13:46] Oh, okay.

[13:46] Maybe I'll tell you your phone number after we get off the air.

[13:48] Yeah.

[13:49] And then from that, we'll get all our tips and clues about Roanoke.

[13:53] I assume we'll go down to where the shoeshine boy spreads all the tips about what's going

[13:57] on in the Lost Colony biz.

[14:00] And it's probably going to be in like a safe that's owned by like a crazy billionaire who

[14:05] runs a, I don't know, like a theme restaurant.

[14:08] Like maybe it's the guy who owns TGI Friday.

[14:10] It's Mr. Theodore Gustav Ivan Friday.

[14:14] And so like we got to break into his restaurant-themed house to find the Lost Colony, which is in

[14:20] a vault.

[14:21] And then we can sell it on the open market for probably, I don't know.

[14:24] Well, what do you call this?

[14:25] Well, that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[14:26] I feel like you would think that we'd be stealing it so that we could make a profit off it.

[14:31] But in the end, I think we just set it free.

[14:34] Yeah, because we've come to love it so much.

[14:36] Because we're actually good guys.

[14:37] We're historians.

[14:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:38] And if it loves us, it'll come back.

Stuart Wellington

[14:40] And if it loves us, it'll come back like Harry and the fucking Hendersons.

Dan McCoy

[14:44] But Harry doesn't come back to the Hendersons.

Stuart Wellington

[14:47] Wait, how does that movie end?

Elliott Kalan

[14:50] It ends always.

[14:50] Is he shot by a hunter?

[14:52] So they're like, get out of here.

[14:54] We don't want you anymore.

[14:55] And Harry goes away.

[14:56] And then the next scene is they're at a steakhouse.

[14:58] And John Lithgow looks up and Harry's head is mounted on the wall.

[15:01] And he's like, no, no.

[15:03] What am I eating?

[15:04] And they're like, we told you it was called the Sasquatch steak.

[15:06] He's like, I thought that was a cute nickname just because it was a big steak.

[15:10] They're like, no, you're eating Sasquatch.

[15:11] And he's like, no, my friend Harry.

[15:13] But he keeps eating it because it's so good.

Stuart Wellington

[15:15] And because he knows if he finishes it, he doesn't have to pay for it.

[15:18] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[15:18] And that would be insult to injury if he had to pay for the steak of his good friend that he's eating.

[15:22] The old 96er.

Dan McCoy

[15:24] You ever just sit around thinking how weird it is that David Suchet is the bad guy in Harry and the Hendersons?

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] I can honestly say I've never thought that ever.

[15:31] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[15:32] So I think that's the perfect way to end our mini-sode about heists and teams thereof.

[15:40] Thanks for listening.

[15:42] Again, if you have an idea, toss it our way on Twitter, at the Flophouse pod.

[15:48] If you are not a Twitter user and many people make that choice, which is probably a good choice.

[15:52] It's a healthy choice, yeah.

[15:54] To tell a friend to tweet at us.

Elliott Kalan

[15:56] Yep.

[15:57] Or, Dan, why don't you leave the Flophouse email address?

[15:59] No, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[16:00] Let's keep that separate for letters.

[16:02] Let's make this a new thing that's sort of related to the other thing that we do.

Stuart Wellington

[16:07] Yeah, I think Dan's basically saying, go tell it to the Marines.

[16:10] Yeah, go tell it to the Marines.

Dan McCoy

[16:12] Up your nose with a rubber hose.

Stuart Wellington

[16:14] Go to the Flophouse.

[16:15] Yeah, once again, I want to thank our guest, Adlerify.

[16:18] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[16:19] Thanks so much for having me.

[16:20] No problem.

[16:21] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[16:21] Thank you for being here.

[16:22] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[16:23] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] I've been Cinema Boy Adlerify.

[16:27] And I'm Elliot Kalin, saying, make sure your pets are within sight if there are coyotes on the loose.

[16:34] Bye.

S5

[16:40] Mission Control, this is Rocketship One.

[16:42] Come in, Mission Control.

[16:43] This is Mission Control.

[16:44] Go ahead.

[16:45] We have incoming, and it looks big.

[16:48] Can you identify?

[16:49] It looks like some sort of pledge drive.

S6

[16:53] Affirmative.

[16:54] It's MaxFunDrive.

[16:55] That's a verified MaxFunDrive.

[16:57] Countdown to MaxFunDrive is initiated.

[16:59] Can you project a time to intercept?

[17:01] Based on the current trajectory, MaxFunDrive will be here from March 16 to March 27.

[17:06] March 16 to March 27, roger.

[17:09] Rocketship One, can you confirm a visual on common MaxFunDrive phenomena,

[17:13] such as the best episodes of the year, bonus content, and special gifts for new and upgrading monthly members?

S5

[17:19] We have a visual.

[17:20] Great episodes, bonus content, premium gifts confirmed, and more.

[17:25] Sure sounds quiet down there.

[17:28] Mission Control, what's your status?

S6

[17:29] All systems go, Rocketship One.

[17:31] Just catching up on our favorite MaxFun shows so we can tune into MaxFunDrive episodes between March 16 and March 27.

[17:38] Over and out.

FH Mini - No I in Team

Transcript

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