Ep. #309 - Book Club

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Book Club!

[0:04] The chilling tale of four people getting together in the same space less than six feet apart.

Dan McCoy

[0:30] The chilling tale of four people getting together in the same space less than six feet apart.

[1:00] Yes, the COVID-19, colloquially named the coronavirus, has sent us scattered to the winds.

[1:11] Normally it was just Elliot scattered.

[1:15] Yeah, well...

[1:17] I mean, that's pretty much my reaction to it. Yeah, well...

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] We are doing our best to try to keep up with what the governments tell us to do.

[1:28] We are setting an example for the young people out there by keeping distance from each other so as to not become disease vectors.

[1:35] Dan and Stuart are feeling a little under the weather.

[1:38] And I'm just dealing with an overdose of California sunshine.

[1:42] There's just too much bright sun that I can only escape by staying in my house 23 hours a day.

[1:48] And only occasionally venturing outside to peer into the light like a mole man or a vampire that got tricked into escaping his coffin too early.

[1:57] So this episode might be a little strange because we're all in three different locations.

[2:02] I don't think any podcast has ever done this before, right?

[2:05] No, I don't think in the history of podcasting.

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] And my levels are all crazy.

[2:09] So this might be the weirdest sounding story you'll ever hear.

[2:13] Hopefully it's extra loud.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] Yeah, I think I have it the easiest of all three of us because I'm not as sick as Stuart, nor do I have two children.

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] No, Dan, you have the easiest of most people in the country.

Dan McCoy

[2:26] No, I know.

[2:27] We weren't...

[2:28] I was comparing to you two.

[2:30] I was not...

[2:30] Oh, okay, okay.

[2:31] That's fair.

[2:31] We don't need to get into how privileged I am, which is very, but...

[2:35] All right, don't rub it in.

Elliott Kalan

[2:37] Dan is recognizing his privilege in a very positive way.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] Well, I mean, what am I supposed to do about it?

[2:45] Just count my lucky stars, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[2:48] Yeah, and your purple moons and green clovers too.

[2:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:53] So this is a weird way to start an episode, huh?

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] So Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[2:58] For anyone who's stuck at home looking for entertainment and they stumbled on the picture of us and they're like,

[3:03] well, I like chicken legs and beer and remote controls.

[3:05] I'll check out what these three dudes do.

[3:07] What do we do on this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[3:09] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[3:14] Now, you were very interested.

[3:17] We had a short Vogue for theme months and you were going to do what you called Momuary, where we watched this in palms.

[3:24] Let me explain.

Elliott Kalan

[3:25] Momuary was for me.

[3:26] I wanted to do a theme month of...

[3:28] Because let's face it.

[3:29] We're dudes.

[3:30] We watch a lot of dude movies.

[3:31] We watch a lot of...

[3:32] Not to gender stereotype there, but we watch a lot of traditionally dude movies.

[3:37] Horror movies.

[3:37] Action movies.

[3:38] Sci-fi action horror.

[3:40] Horror sci-fi action.

[3:42] Fantasy horror.

[3:43] Horror fantasy.

[3:44] Sci-fi action and action horror.

[3:46] Sci-fi fantasy action.

[3:48] And we don't...

[3:48] There's a whole world of movies out there.

[3:50] Sure, yeah.

[3:51] We don't really touch upon usually that I would call, generically, movies my mom watches.

[3:56] And so I was...

[3:57] And this...

[3:58] So I wanted to see Book Club and Palms and it would double as also, what is going on with Diane Keaton these days, month?

[4:04] Because Diane Keaton, who is...

[4:06] I don't think I'm going to have any opposition on this.

[4:09] National treasure and one of the most charismatic actresses in probably the history of motion pictures.

Dan McCoy

[4:16] Delightful, instantly likable, very funny.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] And can wear the hell out of a high collar and a hat.

[4:23] Oh, she...

[4:23] You know, her style...

[4:25] I mean, there's a reason that the Annie Hall look took off like a wildfire when she introduced it.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Audrey, there's a scene like this movie where they're in...

[4:32] Spoiler alert.

[4:33] Diane Keaton is on a large inflatable swan in a pool.

[4:36] And Audrey said, why is she wearing a hat?

[4:38] I'm like, because she's Diane Keaton.

[4:40] Also, it's nighttime.

[4:41] And she's wearing a huge sun hat.

Elliott Kalan

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:43] There's a part where her girlfriends are trying to help her dress up for a date.

[4:47] And Jane Fonda is like, open up your collar.

[4:50] Show off the girls a little.

[4:51] But she's wearing like a turtleneck underneath the shirt that she's wearing.

Dan McCoy

[4:54] Yeah, there's no way the girls are getting anywhere near to being shown off.

[4:58] No, but she looks great.

[4:59] Yeah, no, she looks tremendous.

[5:01] She always does.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] But Diane Keaton is...

[5:02] She's also a working actor.

[5:04] And so for years now, she's been doing movies like this or Something's Gotta Give.

[5:08] Where I'm like...

[5:09] It's like Diane Keaton.

[5:10] Like, what happened to the Diane Keaton of Reds?

[5:13] You know?

[5:13] Or the Diane Keaton of, you know...

[5:17] You know, the Woody Allen movies that she made.

[5:19] Like, there's part of me that's like, Diane Keaton, you're better than this.

[5:21] This was gonna double as Diane Keaton, you're better than this month.

[5:23] But mostly it was movies that my mom watches.

[5:27] And unfortunately, I don't know that we're gonna get to Palms.

[5:29] Yeah.

[5:30] Because there's so much else going on right now.

[5:32] But...

Dan McCoy

[5:32] We're just gonna skip right to Wild Palms.

[5:35] The TV show?

[5:37] Yeah, weird.

[5:39] Part of the national conversation, too.

[5:41] Wild Palms.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] Well, inevitably, when things start going south socially, people start talking about the Oliver Stone television short-lived series, Wild Palms.

Dan McCoy

[5:50] I will say, Elliot, I know for a fact that my parents saw Book Club.

[5:56] Okay.

[5:57] And their reaction was, you know, like, look, we know it's dumb, but your elderly parents had a good time.

Elliott Kalan

[6:04] Yeah, sure.

[6:04] I mean, that's the thing.

[6:05] This is a comfort food movie.

[6:07] And maybe at this time in American history, we all need a little comfort food.

[6:10] But, guys, I wanted to talk about where this movie goes wrong, because it does so much right.

[6:14] Number one, it brings together an amazing cast.

[6:17] This is Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, and Mary Steedburgen.

[6:20] They're all great.

[6:22] And also, you got Don Johnson and Wallace Shawn and Richard Dreyfuss and Ed Begley-Junas.

[6:26] It's an all-star, older star cast.

[6:28] And Alicia Silverstone in an, as far as I know, unheralded performance in a supporting role.

[6:33] But, so it obviously gets that right by getting cast together.

Stuart Wellington

[6:37] Wait, are you saying, like, a little guy in a little suit didn't come out and, like, tell everybody that Alicia Silverstone was showing up?

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] Like, at the beginning of Frankenstein, when a man comes out and he goes, watch out, this movie may be too horrifying for you.

[6:50] I wish that he had gone out and said, it may shock you to find that Alicia Silverstone is in this film in a very small role.

Dan McCoy

[6:57] Well, also, are you saying that Andy Garcia and Craig T. Nelson are chopped liver, my friend?

Elliott Kalan

[7:02] I'm saying that, Dan, I'm saying that there are so many stars in this movie that the heavens were dark and I can't even remember all of them.

[7:08] So, there's a lot of stars in the movie.

[7:10] Two, it taps into the national zeitgeist because it's all about the Fifty Shades of Grey craze, which was only seven years old when this movie came out.

[7:21] And so, the only way they could have fixed that is if the movie, at the beginning, there was just a montage of things that happened in the year 2011 that they were just like, just to set the scene.

[7:31] But here's what this movie does wrong.

[7:34] Now, just spoiler alert, I'm going to do a general thesis statement about the film and then we'll get into the summary of it.

[7:40] This movie is essentially a sitcom episode that has been expanded to the length of a feature film.

[7:45] And that sitcom is called Golden Girls.

[7:47] And this is essentially a backdoor attempt.

[7:50] And I don't mean backdoor in a sexual way, even though this is a heavily Fifty Shades of Grey movie.

[7:55] Because as we'll get into, it totally just eliminates the promise of a sexually charged elder movie.

[8:02] But it's like if they made a Golden Girls movie and they forgot a very valuable ingredient.

[8:06] Because let's take a look at who the characters are in this one.

[8:08] Okay, this is a story about a book club that's been meeting regularly since 1974.

Dan McCoy

[8:16] And we have the receipts to prove it, right?

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] Yes, because we're introduced to them with the most incredibly fake Photoshopped photo I think I've ever seen in the history of film.

[8:25] Featuring young Jane Fonda, young Candace Bergen, young Mary Steenburgen, and young Diane Keaton.

[8:29] And we'll talk about their characters in a moment.

[8:31] Jane Fonda, she's a...

Dan McCoy

[8:32] I just want to say there's a worse Photoshop job to come, but I'll leave that as a...

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] But which one is it?

[8:38] Is it the Egg Begley Jr. photos?

Dan McCoy

[8:39] Egg Begley Jr., yes.

[8:42] So much so that I thought it was going to be a plot point that he was faking these vacation photos.

Elliott Kalan

[8:47] It looks...

[8:48] There's a part where later on, Candace Bergen is looking at her ex-husband, Egg Begley Jr.'s vacation photos.

[8:52] And it looks like he and his fiance went to the mall and stood in front of a green screen...

[8:56] Like went to a carnival.

[8:57] And had like a fake photo made.

[9:00] So Jane Fonda, she's your classic lifelong bachelorette.

[9:04] Refuses to settle down.

[9:05] Loves to have sex.

[9:06] And owns a successful hotel.

[9:08] She's obviously the Rue McClanahan in this scenario.

[9:12] She's the Blanche.

[9:13] She is very sexually active.

[9:14] Does not want to be tied down by a man.

[9:16] And also has kind of similar hair to Blanche.

[9:19] Then you've got Sharon.

[9:20] That's Candace Bergen.

[9:21] She's a federal judge.

[9:23] And she is very ultra proper.

[9:25] And she's very repressed.

[9:26] She hasn't even dated a man, let alone had sex.

[9:28] And she divorced her ex-husband, Egg Begley Jr.

[9:30] This is clearly the Dorothy.

[9:31] Who she chose to divorce.

[9:34] Who she chose to divorce, yeah.

[9:35] This is clearly the Dorothy, the Bea Arthur.

[9:37] You know, just kind of like the one who sneers at everybody else and looks down on them.

[9:40] Here's where the problem gets in.

[9:42] You've got Mary Steenburgen as Carol, who is a chef.

[9:45] Who is married to Craig T. Nelson.

[9:46] And is kind of, she's just kind of a lady who is upset that she and her husband aren't intimate very often.

[9:52] And you've got Diane Keaton, who is a woman with two grown daughters who are treating her as if she is more fragile than she is because of her age.

[10:00] You've got two roses right here.

[10:03] You've got two Betty Whites.

[10:04] There is nary a Sophia to be found in the film.

[10:08] They're missing an Estelle Getty.

[10:09] And this throws off the very perfect and very essential chemistry of the Golden Girls experiment.

[10:14] Where you had, one, the sexpot.

[10:16] Two, the goof.

[10:18] Three, the uptight one.

[10:20] And four, the sarcastic mom of the uptight one.

[10:23] Guys, this movie needs an older old woman.

[10:26] Even grumpy old men had a grumpy older man in the form of Burgess Meredith.

[10:30] That's true.

[10:31] And yet in this movie, you've got two roses and no Sophias.

[10:35] And of the roses, Diane Keaton is by far the better rose.

Dan McCoy

[10:38] Well, and they don't give the roses as much comedically to do as the rose in Golden Girls.

Elliott Kalan

[10:45] No, I mean, Golden Girls is also great.

[10:47] That's the difference is also that Golden Girls is great and Book Club is kind of like, it's just kind of running through the motions.

[10:53] But let's explain.

[10:53] Okay, so you've got these four indelible characters.

Stuart Wellington

[10:55] I kind of feel like they're a little bit closer to the four women in the Sex in the City or Sex and the City series.

[11:04] It's called Sexy City.

[11:04] I don't remember what it is.

[11:05] It's called Sexy City, New York.

Dan McCoy

[11:07] I believe it's Sex and the City because there's an ampersand, isn't there?

Elliott Kalan

[11:11] Yeah, but that ampersand stands for a Y.

[11:13] Sexy the City.

Dan McCoy

[11:14] Maybe it's Sex and the City.

[11:15] Let's look it up.

Elliott Kalan

[11:16] Sex and the City.

[11:17] It's Sex and the City, guys.

[11:18] It's not Sex in the City.

[11:20] It's Sex and the City.

[11:22] All right.

[11:23] Or is it Sex in the City?

[11:24] It's like Dan.

[11:25] Dan.

[11:25] Okay, so how does it map on?

[11:27] Map these characters onto the Sex and the City characters.

[11:28] Let's see.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] So there's Charlotte.

[11:33] Okay.

[11:34] She's like one of them.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] Okay, she's like Candace Bergen because she's the uptight one and she's a lawyer and Candace Bergen is a federal judge.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] There's Miranda.

[11:45] Okay.

[11:46] She's like one of them.

[11:48] Okay.

[11:50] Is Miranda the Kim Cattrall?

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:53] Because Jane Fonda is very much the Kim Cattrall.

Stuart Wellington

[11:57] There's a Courtney.

[12:00] Is there?

[12:01] I don't think there's a Courtney.

Dan McCoy

[12:03] You're thinking of the Friends.

[12:04] That's Courtney Cox.

[12:05] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:06] Wait, that was her name?

[12:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:09] Yeah, I mean, it is her name.

[12:10] Well, in this movie, Diane Keaton is playing Diane, which is pretty good.

[12:13] Her character's name is Diane, which I thought was very funny.

[12:15] Guys, I discovered that it is sex and the city, but there is no ampersand.

[12:19] It's written out.

[12:20] So I totally misremembered that.

[12:22] I'm sorry.

[12:23] I want to apologize to everyone for that before I get tweeted.

Elliott Kalan

[12:26] No, Dan, I have to assume that you've been watching some kind of like bootleg ripoff called Sex and a City.

[12:33] They're very generic about what city it is because they don't want to get sued, but it probably is Cincinnati.

[12:37] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[12:39] It is hot there, I hear.

Elliott Kalan

[12:40] Yeah.

[12:41] No, no.

[12:41] It's Cleveland is where it's hot, Dan.

[12:43] Hot in Cleveland.

Dan McCoy

[12:44] Oh, it's WKRP in Cincinnati is what it is.

Elliott Kalan

[12:47] Yeah, yeah.

[12:47] It's very Wook Rup in Cincinnati.

[12:49] Do you think there was somebody at the time who was like, Wook Rup in Cincinnati?

[12:53] What is this?

[12:54] A science fiction show?

[12:55] It must be a typo in the old TV guy.

[12:59] I'm going to assume it's called Woke Up in Cincinnati, and it's about somebody who fell asleep on a bus, and now they've got to get back.

[13:05] But with a typo.

[13:08] Well, I guess I don't need to watch the show because I'm not interested in that premise.

[13:11] And he missed out on one of the classic sitcoms of the 1970s.

Dan McCoy

[13:15] Yeah, and he's never going to get to see it because of the music rights, at least not in a very cut-up form.

[13:20] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:20] Well, now when he finally watches it, he's going to be like, this is the show?

[13:23] Because they can't play those scenes that have the old music in them.

[13:25] Yeah.

[13:25] So, guys, so you've got these four characters.

[13:27] They're Sex and the City Golden Girls.

[13:29] And they each have their story very much like a sitcom.

[13:32] They each have their story that they're going to go through.

[13:34] But they're all friends, and they still meet every week for Title Card Book Club.

[13:39] Now, I want to mention before we get into the plot that the soundtrack to this movie is bonkers.

[13:45] Like, I think Austin Powers had a more subtle soundtrack than this one.

[13:49] Like, if you just listened to the music, you'd be like, what kind of crazy cartoony hijinks are going on in this movie?

[13:54] Oh, so you mean the score.

Dan McCoy

[13:55] You're not talking about how they use More Than This by Roxy Music.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] No, no.

[14:00] I'm not talking about the pop song soundtracks.

[14:02] Okay.

[14:03] Because they also, those are, there's a part at the end where they play a meatloaf song, and everybody acts as if it's the craziest thing they've ever heard.

[14:11] Okay, so these women, when they get together, you better believe they make lots of sex puns.

[14:17] Oh, boy.

[14:17] The innuendos are flying wild.

[14:20] They have just, speaking of, they've just read the book Wild, and Jane Fonda did not like it.

[14:25] They mentioned that the theme of this year's book club is bestsellers that were made into movies, which is kind of a silly theme for a book club, because they probably would have read these books already.

[14:34] But Jane Fonda's like, hey, ladies, here's the book we should read, Fifty Shades of Grey.

[14:39] And they're like, no, come on, come on.

[14:41] And she goes, hey, we started, and Candace Brinkham says, we started this to stimulate our minds.

[14:46] And Jane Fonda goes, I hear it's quite stimulating.

[14:48] That's the level of dialogue that we're going to get in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[14:51] And it's great for me, Stuart, the person watching the movie, because I know those stories, so I know what they're in for.

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] Yeah, that was the funny thing, was watching it, having seen all three movies for this very podcast, there were times where I'm like, so how are they going to deal with the part where they think he's died in a helicopter crash?

[15:08] Is that something that they're going to bring up?

[15:09] Like, are they going to bring up the whole subplot with the guy who wants revenge?

[15:13] They don't.

Dan McCoy

[15:13] Can I just, I know that we've paused a lot before getting into the plot, but can I just say my thing about it?

[15:18] Dan, we get to make the rules.

Elliott Kalan

[15:19] Look, it's coronavirus time.

[15:20] We make the rules.

[15:21] Things are crazy.

[15:21] Just say what you want to say.

[15:22] Do what you want to do.

[15:23] Can you stop a friend at his family?

Dan McCoy

[15:25] Well, I just want to talk about how linked this movie is to Fifty Shades of Grey.

[15:31] Because, like, all right, I don't want to deny, like, at the time there were all these articles about how, like, you know, like, older women or women who, like, maybe had, like, sort of settled into married life were, like, rediscovering, like, sex or whatever.

[15:50] Because of Fifty Shades of Grey or, like, whatnot.

[15:52] Although.

Elliott Kalan

[15:53] I believe there was a run at the hardware stores on nylon rope because so many women were begging to be tied up.

Dan McCoy

[15:58] Well, that's one of the things, though.

[16:00] Like, I feel like all of those stories were more about how, like, women who maybe were from an earlier generation where they didn't, like, talk so much about their needs were, like, connecting with, like, they could be honest about if they were kinky or not.

[16:17] Or, like, inject new elements into their sex life.

[16:21] Which is not what this movie is.

[16:23] New elements like boron or magnesium.

[16:25] This movie is much more, like, it's just, like, these women are like, oh, yeah, sex when they read Fifty Shades of Grey.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] But that was one of the things.

[16:31] I feel like this movie makes a promise early on that we are going to see some older women getting invested in BDSM play.

[16:38] And that never happens.

[16:39] I'm like, this movie promised me implicitly that I was going to see Diane Keaton in a leather mask.

[16:44] And that never happened.

[16:45] And I was very disappointed.

Dan McCoy

[16:47] No one ever holds a riding crop.

[16:48] It's just like, what is this movie about, you know?

[16:50] Yeah, but also I think that it's, I personally would have preferred that the movie just make up, like, an erotic bestseller rather than tying it so specifically to Fifty Shades of Grey.

[17:03] Because the movie feels like this giant commercial for a lot of things.

[17:08] There are other things it feels like a commercial for, but specifically for Fifty.

Stuart Wellington

[17:11] Oh, yeah, motorcycles, earplugs.

[17:13] Well, Bumble.

[17:14] Oh, Bumble, yeah.

[17:15] Do you think if this movie had been made, like, 20 years earlier, it would have been a movie club and they were watching Basic Instinct or something?

[17:24] Yes, exactly.

[17:25] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[17:25] They don't just read the first book.

[17:27] They, like, throughout the course of the movie, they read the entire Fifty Shades trilogy.

[17:31] And, like, I mean, maybe it's just because I've, you know, picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and read some of it and know how horribly written it is.

[17:39] But I would prefer they just, like, you know, like, good.

[17:42] Good on you.

[17:42] Go read some erotica if you want to.

[17:44] But, like, god damn, there's much better erotica to be had.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] They never make any jokes about the writing in the book, which surprised me.

[17:52] And I wonder if it's because they don't want to alienate.

[17:54] Or maybe they like those books.

[17:55] I don't know.

[17:55] They don't want to alienate the people seeing this movie who were like, oh, I read those books.

[17:59] Those were good books.

[18:00] I really liked them a lot.

[18:02] It reminds me of a, there was a time when Oprah's Book Club, they picked 100 Years of Solitude.

[18:09] And then they were picking some other book.

[18:11] And I remember for some reason, maybe it was on at work, like, seeing a little bit of the episode.

[18:14] And she's like, okay, now I know the last book was a little difficult for some people.

[18:18] And women in the audience were nodding.

[18:20] And I was like, 100 Years of Solitude is a beautiful book.

[18:22] Like, I love it.

[18:23] I love that book.

[18:24] And it's, and I remember at the time being a young.

[18:26] But now you're going to drag it?

[18:27] Well, no, no.

[18:28] At the time being a young, callow jerk and being like, that's not a difficult book.

[18:32] Like, it's a beautiful book.

[18:33] And it had to be pointed out to me by someone else.

[18:36] Like, not everybody is like a reader.

[18:38] And I don't mean that in a condescending way.

[18:39] But like, not everybody is just going to pick up Gabriel Garcia Marquez and be like, oh, yeah, I really get this.

[18:45] So for a lot of people, it probably was a much more challenging book than they're used to.

[18:48] And they might be the kind of people who when they read Fifty Shades of Grey, they're not like, oh, this is so horribly written.

[18:53] They might be like, eh, this isn't the best written book, but I'm enjoying it.

[18:56] So like, I want to see it from the point of view of people who maybe don't have such snobbish standards as me.

Dan McCoy

[19:02] Right.

[19:02] And I also want to say, like, we are aware that we are all middle-aged men.

[19:08] And so speaking.

[19:09] I'm approaching middle age.

[19:12] Speaking as such, you know, we can't necessarily speak to older women's desires and hearts.

[19:22] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[19:22] But I think we all come to this from a place of, like, older women's sex positivity.

Dan McCoy

[19:27] No, definitely.

Elliott Kalan

[19:28] Okay, so getting into the plot.

[19:30] Basically, Diane Keaton, she has to go visit her kids.

[19:33] They all live in L.A., I think.

[19:35] Her kids live in Arizona.

[19:36] And she's going to go visit them.

[19:38] And she has a meet-cute on an airplane with Andy Garcia.

[19:42] And they're flirting.

[19:43] And then she accidentally grabs his dick for a reason I couldn't quite understand.

[19:47] It was because she got scared.

Stuart Wellington

[19:48] He also, Andy Garcia, from scene one until the end of the movie, seems drunk the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] Yeah.

[19:56] He's doing an accent that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

[19:58] I thought he might have been Greek.

[19:59] I'm not sure.

Dan McCoy

[20:00] I will say, having watched this movie with Audrey, she was, like, shouting at the screen she did not like Andy Garcia.

[20:06] Because she felt like he was a cocky guy who was constantly, like, sort of assuming that Diane Keaton could drop everything at any moment to, like, come see him in another city.

[20:21] Like, there's a later point where he sort of ignores her fears.

[20:25] I mean, in the interest of trying to push her past them.

[20:27] But, like, in a way that Audrey really didn't respond to.

[20:30] And I get it.

[20:32] Like, I think he's being presented as, like, this romantic type that may have been better in a previous age where he's, like, a little pushy.

[20:41] He's a pilot.

Stuart Wellington

[20:42] He can still drive himself at night.

Elliott Kalan

[20:45] Yeah.

[20:45] But he's the most Christian Grey-like figure in this, in that he is a millionaire who has nobody else in his life and can indulge just whatever desires or fantasies he has.

[20:56] And who also, very early on, has a sense of possession and ownership over Diane Keaton.

[21:02] And this is not explored because he's just a fantasy figure of a rich, handsome man who is available and shows interest in her.

Dan McCoy

[21:08] Yeah, there's a certain, he has a certain amount of charm because he's Andy Garcia.

[21:12] But, like, he also, I think he's being presented as a figure that will push Diane Keaton past her neuroses.

[21:20] But just from Audrey's perspective watching it, she was like, well, he's a little too, like, controlling and thinks he knows better.

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] I mean, later he hits on her, but she doesn't know he's a pilot and she's flying back home.

[21:34] And a flight attendant calls her up and is like, oh, we need some information from you.

[21:38] What's your name and your phone number?

[21:40] What's your address?

[21:41] And what nights are you free?

[21:42] And then the pilot, Andy Garcia, walks out and he's like, I'll take it from here.

[21:46] And the flight attendant has this look on her face like, hey, glad I could be part of this little love prank.

Dan McCoy

[21:51] Yeah, rather than the look that they really would have on their face, which is like, don't involve me in your dating life.

Elliott Kalan

[21:56] In your stalking.

[21:57] And then an alarm goes off in the cockpit and he refuses to answer it until Diane Keaton agrees to go on a date with him.

[22:04] And it's supposed to be, I think, cute, but it's like, this is scary.

[22:07] Yeah.

[22:08] And if he set off the alarm on purpose as like a part of the prank, which I assume he did, it's like, that's worse.

[22:14] Like, he's playing a lot of mind games with her.

[22:17] And in a movie that was more keyed into Fifty Shades of Grey, that would be like acknowledged as creepy, but instead it's supposed to be just cute here, you know?

[22:23] Yeah.

[22:24] Anyway.

[22:25] Anyway, meanwhile, Mary Steenburgen, Craig T. Nelson, her husband, has just not been showing interest in the bedroom.

[22:31] And we see her, they go on their anniversary dinner.

[22:35] And Craig T. Nelson gets her a very romantic gift, two sets of earplugs, so that she can watch her TV shows while he's sleeping and his snoring won't keep her up.

[22:43] And she gets him dance lessons because her annual charity dinner is coming up and it's going to be a talent show and she wants to dance.

[22:50] Neither of them are happy with these gifts.

[22:53] She starts reading the book while watering a plant and we see the moisture meter on the plant go to high.

[22:58] And it was like, come on, everybody.

[23:00] Like, come on.

[23:01] What are we doing here?

[23:02] Like, what kind of Benny Hill level joke is this?

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] I mean, I expected it to cut to a shot of, like, the Great British Baking Show and have Mary Berry be like, that's a soggy bottom.

[23:12] Oh, my.

[23:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] There's a lot of those types of puns, too.

[23:16] Later on, Craig T. Nelson really gets into his old motorcycle and there's so many lines about, like, oh, yeah, I got to lube her up so I can mount her and I can climb on top of her and ride her all night.

[23:25] And she looks at the camera, basically, and is like, oh, what about me?

[23:28] I gotta say, like, I found some of that.

[23:30] It's like sexy Andy Cap is what it feels like to me.

Stuart Wellington

[23:32] Yeah, yeah.

[23:33] Craig T. Nelson's like, I want to get on my motorcycle and squirt jizz out of my ball sack all over it.

Elliott Kalan

[23:38] He's like, I just can't wait to insert my dick into this motorcycle and pleasure it all night long.

Dan McCoy

[23:43] I found some of that funny, not because the, like, gag itself is funny, but because, like, all of the women are in a room and they know the problem that the two of them have been having.

[23:54] And so they're all kind of, like, reacting to it and sort of trying to stifle their reactions.

[23:58] And this is going to be a running theme in the movie.

[24:01] The material is bad, but the actors are also good that they managed to sell a surprising amount of it.

Elliott Kalan

[24:08] I mean, it's kind of like Sex and the City that way.

[24:09] Sex and the City was so full of dumb puns.

[24:12] But, like, the performers in it are good performers.

[24:15] You know, there's a line that our old boss at the Daily Show, Tim Carvel, used to do, which was his version of a Sex and the City about old women, where it would be,

[24:23] meanwhile, on the other side of a town, Estelle was having some assisted living of her own.

[24:27] And, like, that's kind of what this movie is, is that line, that joke, like, pumped up into a whole movie.

[24:34] All the women, they're reacting super cartoonishly as they read it.

[24:37] Like, they're Tex Avery wolves.

[24:38] Their eyes are popping out of their heads.

[24:40] They're turning into steam whistles.

[24:42] And the soundtrack, like I said, the score is so cartoony.

[24:44] In my notes, I wrote that it's like the whole movie is a swing band in a car chase.

[24:48] Like, that's what it sounds like at times.

[24:51] Jane Fonda's old beau, Arthur, played by Don Johnson, he shows up.

[24:55] And he just will not leave her alone and takes her out for ice cream, talks about how his wife left him, and they end up waiting in a fountain for a lucky penny because she made a bad wish on it.

[25:05] It's all so adorable.

[25:06] And a security officer on a Segway comes by and takes a picture of them.

[25:10] And there are a couple of security officer or cop moments in this movie.

[25:13] And I just kept imagining the auditions where improv actor after improv actor came in to, like, audition for this role.

[25:19] And they'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, when we shoot it, you'll make it into a bigger role with your improv.

[25:22] And that doesn't happen.

Dan McCoy

[25:23] I will say, regarding...

[25:25] Yeah, I felt so bad.

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:27] Regarding Don Johnson, I know that this is...

[25:29] I mean, maybe it's like...

Elliott Kalan

[25:30] Whose name is also...

[25:31] His name is a pun for penis.

[25:33] Like, that's the other thing.

[25:33] It's like, the movie is so full of puns that even the actor's name in the credits reads as a pun.

[25:39] Metaphor bleeds into reality.

[25:41] Yeah.

[25:41] I mean, maybe...

[25:42] It's like in the mouth of madness that way.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] Maybe this is just turnabout is fair play because, like, women so often get underwritten roles in this sort of movie.

[25:52] But I could not tell you anything about what the character of Don Johnson was supposed to be other than he likes Jane Fonda.

[25:58] His whole personality was he wears a kind of a funny hat.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] He wears a funny hat.

[26:01] He used to be a radio DJ.

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:04] And he likes Jane Fonda.

[26:05] And that is the...

[26:06] And I don't know what he does for business now.

[26:08] He had to fly into L.A. for business.

[26:09] Maybe it was a radio convention.

[26:11] But he also seems to be genuinely rich like everybody in the movie is.

Stuart Wellington

[26:15] Now, I haven't watched all the special features on the Blu-ray disc of this.

[26:18] But I'm assuming there was a scene that's on the cutting room floor where Don Johnson's character is talking to Jane Fonda's character.

[26:25] And he's like, oh, you're in a book club.

[26:27] What are you reading right now?

[26:28] And she shows him.

[26:29] And it, like, cuts to his eyeballs in, like, a Giallo movie.

[26:33] And his blood runs cold because it makes him think that's his daughter in those movies.

[26:38] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] Yeah.

[26:40] That's probably exactly what happens.

[26:43] Do you think he, at a family event, he was like, oh, I'm making a Fifty Shades movie, too.

[26:47] Yeah, it's family stuff.

[26:48] We can bond over this.

Stuart Wellington

[26:50] That's probably...

[26:51] That's a really good Don Johnson impression.

[26:53] That's better than that.

[26:54] Hey, it's me, Don Johnson.

[26:55] We, me and my daughter.

[26:56] We're going to bond over this.

Elliott Kalan

[26:58] Hey, hey, I'm making one of these...

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] That's more of like a Donald Johnson.

Elliott Kalan

[27:04] Yeah.

[27:04] I'm making one of these Fifty Shades movies just like you were, like daughter, like daddy, huh?

[27:09] Yeah, I mean, your daddy's in a Fifty Shades movie.

[27:11] And she's like, please stop saying that.

[27:13] No, call me daddy more.

[27:15] Meanwhile, Candace Cameron, she is cyber-stalking her ex-husband who has a...

[27:19] I'm sorry, Candace Cameron?

[27:21] Sorry, Candace Bergen, I apologize.

[27:22] Oh, man, Dan's been waiting for that fuck up.

[27:24] You knew it was going to happen and you got me.

[27:27] Finally.

[27:29] Candace Bergen, she is cyber-stalking her ex-husband.

[27:32] And she finds these, what we mentioned before, were the worst Photoshopped pictures maybe in the history of Photoshop.

[27:37] Now, I want to...

[27:38] In a way, I think they're deliberately bad-looking because they're so silly.

[27:42] They have to be.

[27:43] Like, it literally was like a photo booth at a wedding.

[27:46] Like, that's what it looks like.

Dan McCoy

[27:48] Now, I want to object to this scene because, like, all right.

[27:52] So, as a...

Elliott Kalan

[27:53] Oh, I'll say also, she gets caught by her law clerk because she's doing this at work.

[27:57] And, anyway, but Dan.

Dan McCoy

[27:58] As a previously unattached man, this originally confused me a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[28:04] This was before you were turned into a human centipede, now that you're attached?

Dan McCoy

[28:07] Yeah.

[28:08] Uh-huh.

[28:08] Yeah, I'm attached.

[28:10] It's amazing that I can still talk with my mouth sewn to someone's butt, but...

Elliott Kalan

[28:15] Well, I assumed you were the front, but I didn't realize.

[28:17] Are you the middle or are you the back?

Dan McCoy

[28:18] No, I'm talking into the butt.

[28:20] Even the person in front is saying what I'm saying with my voice, like a kind of a ratatouille, like, you know, like, pull the hair and make the guy move sort of situation.

Elliott Kalan

[28:29] Okay.

[28:29] I think that's the first time someone's compared human centipede and ratatouille.

[28:32] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[28:33] I mean, you need to answer my question.

[28:34] Are you in the middle or are you in the back?

[28:37] What?

[28:37] Are you in the middle?

[28:39] I am in the second best position, which is the middle.

[28:45] Now, I wonder if...

[28:46] What?

[28:46] Not at all.

[28:47] Not at all, sir.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] Not at all.

[28:49] You think the back is the best?

[28:51] See, you have a little bit of freedom, and then you can just poop freely into the air, like God intended.

Dan McCoy

[28:55] But you've got two people's poop.

[28:56] I mean, I guess, like, there's a lot less poop maybe by the time...

[28:58] No, there's no way out for the poop to go.

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] I gotta say, Dan, once you're eating one person's poop, you might as well throw the other person's poop on the plate.

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] Let's not...

[29:04] I mean, I don't think we...

[29:06] I don't think there's any contest.

[29:07] You know, the front is the best, because you get to eat all the food, and you have somebody eating your ass all day long.

[29:12] Yeah, sure.

[29:14] The back is second best, because you can poop whenever you want, and you get to eat someone's ass all day long.

[29:21] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[29:21] And so...

Stuart Wellington

[29:22] Why is this happening in the book club episode?

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] So, I think...

[29:27] I'm wondering if...

[29:28] What if this movie came out a couple years earlier and it was called Movie Club, and it's these four women who watch Human Centipede, and they're like,

[29:32] I guess this is what people are doing now.

[29:35] And they make themselves into Human Centipede, and it reinvigorates.

[29:37] They're lives.

Dan McCoy

[29:38] Let's not talk about this anymore.

[29:41] What I wanted to say was, you know, there was a period when I was using dating apps, so this Bumble thing confused me for a long time.

[29:48] Because, all right, first off, it wasn't clear...

Elliott Kalan

[29:49] Okay, so she goes on Bumble to find this stuff.

[29:52] We should say that.

[29:52] Well, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:53] It was...

[29:54] It wasn't clear that this was on it.

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] Dan, I mean, you do know that Bumble is a dating app for bees, right?

[29:59] Could...

[29:59] That's why you were dating so many bees for a while.

[30:02] I'm speaking from experience, so let me...

[30:03] Or clumsy people.

[30:04] Or clumsy people, yeah.

[30:05] Well, that's Fumble.

[30:07] All right.

[30:08] Fumble is the dating app for people like Steve Carell and 40-year-old Virgin who just keep having clumsy accidents that get in the way of their love life.

[30:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:16] So...

Elliott Kalan

[30:17] Not to be confused with Grumble, the dating app for people...

[30:20] For Andy Rooney's.

[30:21] Now, Dan, you were saying Bumble.

[30:23] It was confusing for...

[30:24] Here's a look behind the curtain.

[30:26] I like to talk until Dan is so irritated that he just starts checking his phone.

[30:29] When he picks up his phone, I know it's time to let him talk.

[30:31] So, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[30:34] Yeah, it was confusing to me for a moment because it looked like she was doing this on her desktop.

[30:38] And I'm like, okay, well, first off, Bumble's an app, so that's weird.

[30:41] But then later on, it becomes clear that she is using a tablet to do this.

[30:44] But then secondly...

[30:46] Oh, good.

[30:47] I'm glad that plot hole got covered up with cement.

Stuart Wellington

[30:49] That's how my mom does most of her computing.

Dan McCoy

[30:52] Yeah.

[30:53] So, but secondly, she learns that her husband is dating this much younger woman by, like, the Bumble thing.

[31:02] It was like, oh, matched.

[31:04] And I'm like, what?

[31:05] You can't see other people's matches on Bumble.

[31:07] But it turns out that I guess it's an ad for Bumble that's like, oh, these two people matched.

[31:13] You could, too.

[31:14] But that, like, suggests the question, why is her husband showing up for her in this ad?

[31:20] I mean, she was Googling him right before, but, like, he's not going to be a keyword, like, in this advertisement for Bumble.

Elliott Kalan

[31:26] Well, she has learned that her husband is dating because her son calls her to announce his engagement.

[31:32] And he mentions that.

[31:32] So she goes on Bumble and is confronted with this ad.

[31:35] And I have to assume that, as in the song, there's always something there to remind her.

[31:40] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

[31:42] And in this case, it's that ad.

[31:44] She's just, it's a Kafkaesque existence where she's confronted at every moment with evidence of her ex-husband's life.

[31:50] I assume that as a judge, she deals with a lot of cases that are tangentially related to her ex-husband, which, again, is a conflict of interest.

[31:55] She should be recusing herself from those cases.

[31:58] But I think it is the kind of movie logic, Dan, where, like, someone will turn on the radio and there's a news report about whatever's going on that's important to the plot.

[32:07] Yeah.

[32:07] You know?

[32:09] So, but you're right.

[32:10] This ad comes up that's like, Bumble helped this older man to get with a much younger woman.

[32:15] Isn't Bumble right for you?

[32:17] Yeah.

[32:18] But she gets caught by her clerk and she doesn't want to get involved.

[32:21] She doesn't want to dip her toe in the radical revolutionary world of internet dating, which I'll mention again is how I met my wife 15 years ago.

[32:28] I mean, the thing is that Candace Bergen's character is hungry.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] She needs a slice of something.

[32:36] That's right.

[32:36] I think she needs a slice of Drife.

[32:38] Richard Drife shows up.

Elliott Kalan

[32:39] I haven't thought about slice of Drife in a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[32:42] Playing 69-year-old George.

Elliott Kalan

[32:46] We'll get to that.

[32:47] We'll get to that because she hasn't put herself out there yet, but she is.

[32:50] Anyway.

[32:50] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:50] I don't want to spoil it for everybody.

[32:52] I know everybody's waiting for George to show up.

[32:54] It's going to be great.

Elliott Kalan

[32:55] I don't want to bear the lead.

[32:57] I mentioned Richard Drife in the beginning.

[32:58] People are like, but who does Richard Drife play?

[33:00] Because Richard Drife, I mean, he hasn't been on movie screens that much for a while.

[33:05] I mean, what was the last time?

[33:06] For a lot of people, he's still Max Bickford or Kippendorf, and he doesn't have a new character to replace that.

Dan McCoy

[33:12] Krippendorf.

[33:13] I'm sorry.

[33:14] Please.

[33:15] I actually looked him up.

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] I should remember from my anthropology minor at school that it was Krippendorf who discovered that tribe.

Dan McCoy

[33:21] Yes, Dan?

[33:21] It turns out he has been working much more than you would have thought.

[33:25] Like, he's been in movies over the past few years, but they just haven't been movies that people have seen.

Stuart Wellington

[33:31] Yeah, he played Thanos.

[33:34] He played Tony Stark.

Elliott Kalan

[33:37] Nope.

[33:38] Oh, so he was two different characters in Avengers.

Stuart Wellington

[33:40] Yeah.

[33:41] Yeah, they used CGI.

[33:44] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[33:44] Okay.

[33:45] So it was a Dead Ringers type scenario, I guess.

[33:48] The last thing I think I remember seeing him in was that movie that we watched.

[33:52] Was it, what was the, when, where he was Lesser Hemsworth's dad.

[33:57] What?

[33:58] Piranha 3D.

[33:59] No, no.

[34:00] He's not in that, right?

[34:01] He is in it.

Dan McCoy

[34:02] He's at the beginning.

[34:03] He gets eaten by piranhas.

[34:04] It's a joke about Jaws.

Elliott Kalan

[34:05] I forgot about that.

[34:06] But we did a movie for Flophouse that he was in years ago.

[34:09] But, so, Diane Keaton is visiting her daughters again.

[34:13] They're treating her, they're really babying her.

[34:15] Mary Steenburgen calls to ask if sex banking.

Stuart Wellington

[34:17] This specific relationship is, was the one that made my wife the most angry.

[34:22] Which one?

[34:23] Between Diane Keaton and her daughters.

[34:24] Diane Keaton and her daughters.

[34:26] Me too.

[34:27] They treat her like such a weird child the whole time.

[34:30] And it's like, dude, we're at fucking Pucca de Beppo, man.

[34:34] Just let me take this fucking phone call.

[34:37] Like, she, like, leaves, she leaves the restaurant to take this fucking phone call.

[34:41] And both of them leave the table.

[34:42] And it's like, you can't leave your fucking idiot husbands at Bucca de Beppo.

[34:46] They're going to eat all this shit.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] Yeah, they're going to finish it.

[34:49] There'll be none left.

[34:50] And that's expensive.

[34:51] They're going to give it all over your children.

Dan McCoy

[34:54] To be fair, her children are horrible meddlers.

[34:57] But Diane Keaton also treats it, like, this is the sitcom-iest plot.

[35:02] Because for reasons that, you know, maybe if I'm, you know, maybe if I was an older mother of adult children, I would think differently.

[35:12] But I'm like, why aren't you just talking to your children about what's going on in your life?

[35:16] You feel the need for the whole movie to hide your new relationship.

Elliott Kalan

[35:21] Dan, as the son of two parents who often don't tell me things about their personal lives that you'd think would be useful for me to know, I can speak to that.

[35:30] Which is, I believe that part.

Dan McCoy

[35:32] But she's not just, like, not thinking about it.

[35:36] Like, she's actively hiding it away.

[35:37] Like, she, like, makes up a lie to run off with this guy.

[35:41] And then doesn't answer her phone as they get increasingly worried about her.

[35:45] Hey, you've got to hide your love away, Dan.

[35:47] Sorry, I yelled hey just for that joke when it was really rude.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] And the thing is, like, I dream of a day when, like, a hunky, drunk, Arizonan pilot takes my dad away.

Elliott Kalan

[36:05] It'll happen, Stu.

[36:06] It'll happen.

[36:07] Just, you gotta make sure he gets out there.

[36:09] Also, your parents are still married, I believe?

Stuart Wellington

[36:12] Yeah, I mean, my mom can go, too.

[36:13] She's chill.

Elliott Kalan

[36:15] Oh, wow.

[36:15] Your mom is very cool.

[36:17] You do have a very cool mom.

[36:19] So Mary Steenburgen calls an emergency book club.

[36:22] This is the part I didn't believe.

[36:23] She goes, I have to call an emergency book club so we can figure out if sex banking is a thing.

[36:27] Because this book has got me all turned inside out.

[36:29] You have to fly back now.

[36:31] And she and Craig T. Nelson have a dance lesson from their very stern dance teacher.

[36:34] And he is not enjoying it.

[36:36] So Candace Bergen, meanwhile, she goes to the vet with her cat.

[36:39] The doctor refers to it as a lethargic pussy.

[36:42] And we're like, yeah, yeah, we get it.

[36:43] Okay.

[36:44] She has an elderly cat.

[36:45] And we already mentioned that Andy Garcia hits on Diane Keaton while playing on her fears of flying and being a creepy stalker dude.

[36:53] They have another book club scene.

[36:54] And Diane Keaton is like, oh, no, wait, that's later on.

[36:59] Sorry.

[37:00] I have to go into my notes here that we're 27 minutes into the movie.

[37:02] And this was when Danielle quit watching.

[37:03] When my wife walked away and said, I can't take any more of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[37:06] Yeah.

[37:06] She was hoping for them to spend more time talking about the books, right?

Dan McCoy

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:10] Well, I will say that the movie is like, one of the times that the movie works better than others is when they're all together at book club.

[37:18] Because then you get to see these great actors like interacting.

[37:22] I mean, other than like, there were some parts where like, I was annoyed at the movie's like script because it was just like, let's reiterate exactly what's going on.

[37:30] So the slowest members of the audience will understand exactly what's happening.

[37:34] But the interplay was good.

Stuart Wellington

[37:37] And a lot of the scenes just feel like delivery systems for these women to walk from one well-appointed snack spread to the next.

[37:45] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] I mean, this is in that very Nancy Meyer vein of like, it's a certain sort of pornography about beautiful kitchens and the ease of having everything that you want at your fingertips at all times.

Dan McCoy

[37:59] I actually have a voice memo from Audrey about this book club that I feel like this is the time to play.

[38:04] So I'm going to just pump up my volume on this.

[38:07] And here you go.

[38:09] Now.

Elliott Kalan

[38:11] Book club?

[38:12] I think it's more of a wine club.

[38:14] Am I right?

Dan McCoy

[38:16] All right.

[38:16] So that was the...

Elliott Kalan

[38:17] Yeah, she's right.

[38:19] More of a wine club, you said?

[38:20] More of a wine club.

[38:21] I mean, most book clubs, it feels like to me, are excuses to drink with your friends.

[38:25] But like in a structured setting.

[38:27] I mean, a book club is just a way to force you to get together with your friends regularly so you don't lose track of them.

[38:33] Right?

[38:34] Yeah.

[38:34] It's not like the shitty podcast we've been doing forever.

[38:42] Anyway, now we're going to enter into what I call the dating sequence where everyone goes on dates.

[38:46] Diane Keaton goes on a date with her pilot, tells him the story of her first kiss, which also involves a man grabbing...

[38:52] When she's a teenager, another teacher grabbing her head and then planting a kiss on her, which she calls very romantic, but which felt like, again, like a story where I was like, that's not an okay story.

[39:02] That sounds creepy too.

Stuart Wellington

[39:04] And she tells that story when they're out at dinner at a table that is very far away from the edge of this outdoor seating area.

[39:13] Like, I've been to outdoor restaurants.

[39:16] They kind of pack them in there so they can maximize the space, but no dice at this one.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] No, no.

[39:20] Well, you know, it's a movie.

[39:21] They had camera equipment and stuff, probably.

[39:23] The others have goaded Candace Bergen into online dating.

[39:27] She finally joins.

[39:28] She sets up a profile with a picture of her with a face mask on for some reason, like one of those nighttime face masks.

Dan McCoy

[39:33] Well, not for some reason.

[39:35] She can't figure out how to operate the app, so she takes an accidental picture of herself.

[39:40] Okay, that's fair.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] I'm just going to skip ahead a little bit and just say that she goes on this...

[39:46] Well, you know what?

[39:47] I'll just say very briefly, Mary St. Murchin, she tries to seduce Craig T. Nelson with her old waitress uniform.

[39:52] She looks amazing.

[39:54] And he is so much more interested in his motorcycle.

[39:56] He is not interested in it.

[39:58] They try to buy Candace Bergen a sexy dress, and she seems to be unable to put dresses on.

[40:04] She tries to put it on over her clothes, which makes no sense to me.

[40:07] Or maybe it's just a very elaborate kind of Spanx undergarment that she's wearing that looks like a full suit of clothes under her dress.

[40:14] And this is important for later.

[40:16] Jane Fonda slips Mary Steenburgen in her hands, gives her a Viagra pill to slip to her husband later.

[40:23] Because as she says, a lumberjack is happiest when he has wood.

[40:27] Oh my god.

[40:28] I'll leave it to you guys to untangle with that.

[40:30] Oh god.

Dan McCoy

[40:31] Is that true, lumberjacks?

[40:33] If there's lumberjacks listening, tell us if you're happiest when you have wood.

[40:36] Because to me, it seems like that's your job.

[40:39] Maybe you like it, maybe you don't.

[40:41] But right in.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] But I feel like if there's, I mean, no wood means no work.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] You know.

[40:48] So I assume that's part of it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] But I'm not necessarily at my happiest when I'm at work, Elliot.

[40:52] Very good point.

[40:53] Very good point.

[40:54] In fact, I would say you're at your unhappiest, which would make it difficult if, say, someone was trying to supervise you and get you to do some work.

[41:01] But I wouldn't know what that's like.

[41:02] I always did my goddamn work.

[41:03] Don't fuck with me.

[41:05] So, but let's skip ahead to where the date.

[41:08] This is a real slice of Dreyf.

[41:10] Stuart, why don't you set the scene for this one?

[41:12] Since I know you're raring to talk about Richard Dreyfuss' indelible, iconic persona as George.

Stuart Wellington

[41:17] Okay, so they're like in a restaurant and George seems like a normal guy.

[41:22] Like, he doesn't seem like, you know, he has a Brooks Brothers shirt on.

[41:27] And, yeah, it's a nice little date, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[41:30] They have a really pleasant first date.

[41:33] But for some reason, it's written so that Candace Bergen's character thinks this is a disaster at every moment.

[41:39] It's like they're both nervous.

[41:40] They get over it.

[41:41] They talk with ease and calm.

[41:43] By the end of it, they kiss.

[41:45] She kisses him.

[41:46] And then they have sex in the back of her car.

[41:48] And the lesson she gets from that is, I do not want to see this man ever again.

[41:53] And I'm just going to date other people now.

[41:55] Which makes no sense to me.

Dan McCoy

[41:56] Yeah, I don't know what happens there.

[41:58] Like, I wonder if there was something cut from the movie.

[42:01] I have no idea.

[42:02] The whole movie, I'm just like, whenever they went back to Candace Bergen, I'm like, why aren't you dating Richard Dreyfuss?

[42:06] You had a good date.

[42:07] Well, I'll tell you why.

Elliott Kalan

[42:07] Because she goes back home and she's got more messages.

[42:09] And the first one we see is from, you guessed it, Wally Sean.

[42:13] Oh, yeah.

[42:14] Oh, man.

[42:14] Some man candy.

[42:16] One please.

[42:17] Somebody's not having dinner with Andre tonight because he's taking Candace Bergen out for a date.

[42:22] And it was the moment I saw Wallace Sean, I was like, thank you, movie.

[42:27] Yes, this is exactly what I needed right now.

[42:28] Is to know that a little bit of this movie's budget went to paying Wallace Sean so that he could write, like, the most scathing, like, unpleasant, like, wonderful play about how modern society is built on the back of exploited workers and bloodshed.

[42:42] I'm like, it makes me very happy to know that book club has contributed to that in some way by employing him.

[42:48] Diane Keaton, she runs off from her family.

[42:50] She makes an excuse and says that her house was robbed and she has to leave.

[42:53] But she doesn't fly home.

[42:54] She flies to her pilot's house.

[42:57] And this is when we first realized that he's probably a millionaire because he has an enormous house.

[43:00] And he takes her for a ride.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] He invented some plane thing, right?

Elliott Kalan

[43:04] He invented some kind of engine that has less drag or something.

Stuart Wellington

[43:08] Yeah, it's like a Tuscan villa.

Dan McCoy

[43:11] Yeah, it's nice.

[43:13] I mean, it's not in Tuscany, but it's in the style of such a thing.

Elliott Kalan

[43:16] It's an Arizona villa.

[43:17] And he takes her in a little prop plane.

[43:20] And she's like, no, no, no, I'm scared.

[43:22] But he takes her in it.

[43:23] And this is when it's the most like a Fifty Shades of Grey movie because the whole scene is just helicopter shots of Arizona desert.

[43:30] And then shots of them in the cockpit going like, wow, look at that.

[43:34] Whoa.

[43:34] Like, and the whole point of the movie is, oh, well, life is wonderful if you're rich and have your own plane and can fly around whenever you want.

[43:40] So very Fifty Shades of Grey in that particular.

[43:44] And she says, hey, my marriage actually died a long time.

[43:47] Oh, I forgot to mention she's a widower, Diane Keaton.

[43:49] Her husband died last year.

[43:50] She's a widow.

[43:51] A widower would be a gentleman.

[43:53] That's right.

[43:53] And, you know, well, maybe she's.

Dan McCoy

[43:55] This is a two correction show for me.

[43:58] This is great.

[43:59] Wow.

[43:59] Dan, you're on top.

[44:00] The world has been turned topsy-turvy.

[44:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:03] Actually, what if I, can I defend myself and say that I was saying she's a widow?

[44:06] Er.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] Could be.

[44:08] Could be.

[44:09] No.

[44:10] Let's rewrite history.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Sure.

[44:13] Okay.

[44:14] Abraham Lincoln lived.

[44:16] Yeah.

[44:16] And the dinosaurs are still around.

Dan McCoy

[44:18] Yeah.

[44:18] And Trump didn't win.

[44:19] All right.

[44:19] Let's go.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] Now, guys, in DuckTales, they never did rewrite history, did they?

Dan McCoy

[44:24] No.

[44:25] They solved occasional mysteries.

[44:28] Yeah.

[44:28] And I would say life wasn't really a duck blur.

[44:32] No.

[44:32] Was it like a hurricane, though?

[44:35] I mean.

[44:35] In Duckburg, specifically.

Elliott Kalan

[44:37] Okay.

[44:38] So she says, my marriage died long before my husband did, which is a cruel thing to say.

[44:44] Uh-oh.

[44:44] Let's get back to Candace Bergen, because while waiting for her date with Wallace Shawn, which

[44:48] I have to assume is, like, how many...

[44:51] That's everybody's dream, right?

[44:53] Is to have a one-on-one time with Wallace Shawn?

[44:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:55] Or is it just mine?

[44:56] I mean, he's a lovable guy.

[44:58] You know, and it's...

[45:00] I think this movie missed a beat by not having Alicia Silverstone interact with him in a clueless

[45:05] reunion.

Elliott Kalan

[45:06] Oh, that would have been wonderful.

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:07] That would have been great.

[45:09] While she's waiting for him, she runs into her ex-husband and his much younger fiancé, because

[45:15] they live nearby.

[45:18] I...

[45:18] The whole thing...

[45:19] I was so confused by her relationship with her family members.

[45:22] Yeah.

[45:22] She has a son who she seems to have almost no relationship with.

Stuart Wellington

[45:25] He certainly doesn't show up in the movie until the very end.

[45:28] Well, in this scene, too...

[45:29] And when he does show up, he looks like the guy from Love on a Leash when he's a man.

[45:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:34] Not when he's a dog.

[45:36] Also, in this scene, Candice Bergen...

[45:38] Candice Bergen seems to be learning for the first time that her ex and her son are having

[45:44] a joint engagement party.

[45:46] And I'm like, okay, even if you're, like, not talking to your ex, like, you should know

[45:49] this from your son, probably, that he's having an engagement party.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] I mean, it seems like she has really cut herself off in a big way from her family.

[45:58] Her son calls and says he's getting engaged, and she seems to be surprised even

[46:03] that he's in a relationship.

[46:05] Like, it really feels like she is...

[46:07] Yeah, she's like, but you're a dog.

[46:12] Only during the day.

[46:14] Mom, my love is on a leash now.

Dan McCoy

[46:16] I want to say that we thought that the much younger girlfriend was a real scene stealer.

[46:21] She had a really funny reaction in a later scene that I want to highlight.

[46:25] But also, the way she's, like, just overly friendly to everyone and does, like, a little

[46:29] bent-over hug as she's meeting them.

[46:32] It was pretty funny, I thought.

Elliott Kalan

[46:34] So you're saying, this is, I believe this is Mercier Monroe is her name?

[46:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:38] She's been in a lot of stuff, but mostly, you know, one-shots on TV.

Elliott Kalan

[46:43] Yeah.

[46:44] Apparently, according to Wikipedia, she was in a movie that was a parody of Judd Apatow

[46:48] movies that I've never heard of before.

[46:50] But anyway, so Wallace Shawn shows up, and Candace Bergen is like, oh, this is weird.

[46:58] Wallace Shawn, Ed Begley Jr., and Cheryl, the fiancee, proceed to have a very pleasant, normal

[47:03] conversation.

[47:04] There's nothing weird about it.

[47:05] No one is awkward.

[47:06] Even when Wallace Shawn mentions that he's a DJ, in addition to being a doctor, he has a

[47:10] great line where he's like, I'm Dr. Dan.

[47:13] You can just call me Dan.

[47:14] That's my name.

[47:14] Or something like that.

[47:15] He has a funny, he introduced himself as a doctor, or Dr. Derek.

[47:19] He's like, I'm Dr. Derek, but you can just call me Derek.

[47:21] Which is a funny line to me.

[47:23] But everything seems to be going super pleasantly, but what she decides is, too embarrassing.

[47:28] Gotta deactivate my Bumble account.

[47:29] It is time to, whatever's going on downstairs, gotta shut it down.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] I think the implication here is that, you know, Ed Begley Jr., her ex-husband shows up

[47:39] with this, like, hot young fiancé, and then Wallace Shawn shows up.

[47:43] Yeah, and she shows up with Wallace Shawn, which is, like, even better.

[47:47] Like, everyone's dream.

[47:49] You don't have to tell me.

[47:51] Tell Candace Bergen that she should be lucky to be with Wallace Shawn.

[47:56] She should be so lucky.

Stuart Wellington

[47:57] Brilliant Wallace Shawn.

[47:59] Hilarious.

[47:59] One of the pillars of the New York theater community.

[48:02] And she was worried she would, like, lose herself in the passion, you know?

[48:05] Yeah.

[48:06] I guess that's probably what it was.

[48:07] It'd be like a Wild Orchid or Wild Orchid 2 situation.

[48:10] Yeah, like a nine and a half weeks or something.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] Yeah.

[48:13] She was worried it would be a real shade is a great thing, and she'd suddenly just be

[48:16] a creature of pure lust.

[48:18] Okay.

[48:20] Jane Fonda, she has a date with Arthur Don Johnson.

[48:23] She manages to take a moment to debunk a popular reading of a Robert Frost poem, and then they

[48:28] fall asleep together with her tickling her arm and them listening to a full album all the

[48:32] way through the fantasies that they shared with each other on the date.

Dan McCoy

[48:35] Oh, that Robert Frost thing reminded me.

[48:37] Early on, there's a, like, joke about how, you know, someone's vagina is not getting attention,

[48:44] and they say, they reference Cave of Forgotten Dreams, the Herzog documentary.

[48:49] And I was like, what a weird line to be in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[48:52] It's a fairly obscure, it's not, I mean, Werner Herzog is, I guess, much better known

[48:57] now than he once was, but that's not one of his better known movies.

[48:59] I mean, it's a recent movie of his.

Dan McCoy

[49:01] And this is the most, like, widely pitched, as you say, sitcom-y comedy.

[49:05] So to have that in there, I'm like, okay, how did that make sure all the drafts?

Stuart Wellington

[49:10] They should have, the reference should have been Grizzly Man, then, is what you're saying.

[49:14] I think so, yeah.

[49:15] I mean, the only way.

[49:16] My generals are real Grizzly Man.

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] I wish, and that would lead to a hilarious waxing scene, sure.

[49:22] Yeah.

[49:23] I wish they'd gone further with that then.

[49:24] Now all I can think of is a scene where they've picked, like, a Calvino book for the

[49:29] book club, and they're like, I'll tell you, my life has a non-existent night.

[49:32] Oh, tell me about it.

[49:33] People act like my vagina's an invisible city.

[49:36] I thought you were going to.

[49:37] If on a winter's night, a traveler showed up at my house.

Dan McCoy

[49:40] I thought you were going to go with more Herzog.

[49:42] I thought you were going to be like, little Dieter needs some sex, if you know what I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[49:46] I'm like, let me tell you.

[49:48] I could use a wrath of God down here.

[49:50] Where's my Aguirre?

Dan McCoy

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:56] Encounters at the end of the world.

[49:59] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[50:01] Let's move on, I guess.

[50:03] Encounters at my end of the world.

[50:05] Yeah.

[50:06] Now I'm trying to think of it.

[50:07] No, but now I'm trying to think about the burner hurts out there.

[50:09] I'll tell you, even dwarves start out small.

[50:12] I'd take that right now.

[50:13] But, okay.

[50:15] So, she leaves it, and Diane Keaton's kids call the police to track her down.

[50:22] They track her phone to the pilot's house, where she falls off the aforementioned inflatable

[50:26] swan into the pool.

[50:27] It's all so charming.

[50:30] As I think has been mentioned on the previous episode of the podcast, Andy Garcia falls in

[50:35] the pool, and my first thought is, oh no, his phone.

[50:40] Mary Steenburgen finally puts that Viagra in Craig T. Nelson's beer, and he is not happy

[50:44] about it, as I wouldn't be, also, if my wife did that to me.

[50:47] Oh, you don't like being assaulted?

[50:49] No, I don't like being drugged.

[50:50] They get pulled over on the way home, and the lady cop makes him stand up, and then she

[50:55] lets him go so that they can go have sex.

[50:57] But they do not have sex.

[50:58] Instead, they argue in the house.

Dan McCoy

[50:59] A funny little wink, where he's like, you all have a good night.

[51:01] And she goes into Mary Steenburgen, and he's like, and you have a good night, and winks

[51:05] at him.

[51:06] And I, you know, it's a good performance.

Elliott Kalan

[51:09] I guess so.

[51:09] But they have an argument, which was kind of a strangely real argument to me.

[51:14] Yeah.

[51:14] It felt, where Craig T. Nelson's like, ever since I've retired, I kind of don't know who

[51:18] I am, and I need to figure out who I am and my relationship to my life and my own

[51:21] body.

[51:22] And this is, and you putting this pressure on me is not helping.

[51:24] And then he walks away and bumps his dick into the wall and goes, ow.

Dan McCoy

[51:28] Well, yeah, they're having a serious argument, and throughout the entire argument, you can

[51:32] see this huge tint in his pants.

[51:34] Which I'm ashamed at, like, the amount that I did find that funny, the contrast between

[51:40] the two.

[51:40] I want to say, like, maybe we can rate the movie's storylines at the end, but this was

[51:47] my personal favorite of the storyline.

[51:49] The Mary Steenburgen and Craig T. Nelson won, because it felt like it had a certain amount

[51:54] of actual emotional honesty.

[51:56] Like, I had an idea of who both of the characters involved were supposed to be, and what their

[52:02] feelings were.

[52:05] You know, I mean, I like Mary Steenburgen a lot, anyway.

[52:08] And you got a sense of what he was packing downstairs, you know?

[52:11] Yeah, a lot.

[52:12] I mean, there's a reason he's the coach.

[52:13] A huge boner through some khakis.

Elliott Kalan

[52:17] Mm-hmm.

[52:17] I mean, it's not to poltergeist too much, but it's here.

[52:22] Yeah.

[52:25] What's some of the Craig T. Nelson stuff?

Dan McCoy

[52:27] The Incredibles.

[52:28] Talk about Mr. Incredible.

Elliott Kalan

[52:30] There you go.

[52:31] Okay, great.

[52:32] And that's the Craig T. Nelson bit.

[52:34] That T stands for tent in his pants.

Stuart Wellington

[52:38] I'd turn her that hooch.

[52:41] No, he's not in that.

Elliott Kalan

[52:43] I thought he was the bad guy.

[52:44] I'd turn her in hooch.

[52:44] Oh, is he?

[52:45] Maybe.

[52:45] I don't remember.

[52:46] Is he Action Jackson?

[52:49] I mean, he is now.

[52:50] But, okay.

[52:51] Wasn't Bobby Goldberg Action Jackson?

Dan McCoy

[52:52] No, that's Jumpin' Jack Flash.

Elliott Kalan

[52:56] Although, again, this Jack Flash is jumping.

[52:59] Okay, Stuart and Dan both looking up Craig T. Nelson's credits on their phone.

Dan McCoy

[53:03] Yeah, Craig Nelson was in Action Jackson, but Jackson was Carl Weathers.

[53:08] Oh, oh, so was Craig T. Nelson the bad guy in that too?

Elliott Kalan

[53:12] I'm sorry, Stuart, though I didn't know about Action Jackson.

[53:16] Although, Craig T. Nelson, he did do the voice of a monster with a huge boner in Flesh Gordon.

[53:22] What?

[53:23] Wow.

[53:23] Yeah, so he's coming back to his roots.

[53:26] That was early on in his career.

[53:27] Hold on.

[53:28] Let me double check that to make sure I'm not misremembering it.

[53:33] Just Google Craig T. Nelson Flesh.

[53:36] Yeah, Flesh Gordon, Craig T. Nelson as the monster.

[53:38] There's this kind of like stop motion animation monster with a big penis, and he does the voice of it.

[53:43] So you know what?

[53:44] So when they said, hey, are you ashamed about doing this role?

[53:47] He was like, I'm going back to my roots.

[53:49] And they said, please, no more penis buns.

[53:52] So anyway, so they're upset.

[53:55] And she says, okay, fine.

[53:56] You don't have to dance with me at the charity dinner.

[53:59] And Diane Keaton says to Andy Garcia, I have too many responsibilities with my kids.

[54:03] I can't be in a relationship with you.

[54:06] And Jane Fonda is like, this is too much pressure, me and Arthur.

[54:09] I can't believe I fell asleep next to a man.

[54:11] I've had sex with lots of men, but I've never slept next to one.

[54:13] I can't handle this.

[54:14] And as mentioned, Candace Bergen is like, Wallace John, too overpowering.

[54:18] I'm a beast when I'm around him.

[54:20] I just can't control myself.

[54:21] I become an animal.

[54:22] So I got to stop doing this.

[54:23] So the book club, everyone's at their act to nadir.

[54:27] And Diane Keaton says, you know what?

[54:29] I'm moving to Arizona, not for the pilot, but to be babied by my kids.

[54:33] This is going to be my last book club.

[54:35] And it's like, oh, no, you can't break up the book club.

[54:38] You've been meeting for 40 some odd years ever since you first read Fear of Flying.

[54:42] Yeah.

[54:42] Which is ironic because she does have a fear of flying, but that's not really what the book Fear of Flying is about.

Dan McCoy

[54:47] I did think, like, did she pick it up thinking like it was a self-help thing or what?

Elliott Kalan

[54:54] They sit around and drink together, and they kind of snipe at each other about their life problems.

[54:58] And then they're, you know what?

[54:59] They say, we have to read book three.

[55:01] That's the only way we can get out of this.

[55:03] And they cry together.

[55:04] And my note here says they all go forward with their lonely lives.

[55:08] Arthur, he confronts Jane Fonda, and he says, hey, I love you.

[55:11] And she just kind of brushes him off, gives him the cold shoulder.

[55:13] And Candace Bergen, she goes to her son slash husbands.

[55:16] It's two different people.

[55:17] They're not the same person.

[55:18] This is not that kind of movie.

[55:20] Oh, yeah.

[55:21] Her son and husband.

Stuart Wellington

[55:22] The engagement party.

[55:23] Their engagement pool party.

[55:24] And at one point she gives a speech, and you're like,

[55:27] are we about to hear her give a speech about a character we don't know at all?

[55:31] And she gives a speech while standing next to a surfboard that has,

[55:35] this is art written on it, which was very confusing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:38] I think that was meant to be an example of the kind of crazy things that this young woman is bringing into her ex-husband's life.

[55:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:46] I kind of like the speech she gives because I think it has, like, you know, like, for a movie that is a sitcom-y,

[55:54] it has, like, some general, genuine wisdom and heartfelt content.

[55:59] And most speeches like this in movies end up being more about the person who's giving them than the people she's supposed to be giving the speech about,

[56:11] but in, like, a really obvious way.

[56:13] And this played the thing, I think, it went down the line kind of nicely where it is, like,

[56:19] clearly this is influenced by, like, the lessons she has learned over the movie,

[56:22] but she is still making it about them rather than herself.

Elliott Kalan

[56:26] Now, what's the speech?

[56:27] Give me the gist of the speech.

[56:28] I know she talks about how love is a thing you have to create or something.

[56:32] What was it?

Dan McCoy

[56:33] Something about love.

[56:34] Something that, you know, is given meaning only by the people who are meaning it,

[56:39] and, like, it takes bravery.

[56:41] I just remember, I don't remember it.

[56:43] I just remember my emotional response.

[56:45] Yeah, he's thinking it tattooed on himself or something.

[56:47] Yeah, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[56:48] You're right.

[56:49] I thought maybe he mementoed it.

[56:51] I was, when I first saw her dinging her glass to make a speech,

[56:55] I was like, uh-oh.

[56:57] I know what happens when someone in my family gets up to make an unannounced speech.

[57:00] This is going to be bad.

[57:01] It is time for the grievances to be aired.

[57:04] But, no, it was a nice speech.

[57:05] All about love.

[57:07] The next afternoon, Jane Fonda is depressed.

[57:10] She couldn't even get up and get dressed.

[57:11] And the other book clubbers, I guess, they couldn't get her on her phone,

[57:14] so their book club sense was tingling,

[57:16] and they knew that their friend was in trouble.

[57:18] They just show up, and she's like,

[57:19] oh, I said no to Arthur, and now I feel terrible.

[57:22] And they're like, you have to go after him.

[57:23] Run to the airport.

[57:24] They go, his flight is leaving in an hour.

[57:26] Go get him.

[57:27] And it's like, she's never going to make it to the airport in an hour.

[57:29] That's crazy.

[57:30] He's already passed the security gate.

Stuart Wellington

[57:32] And the, like, rush to the airport thing doesn't have the same weight it kind of used to,

[57:37] because, like, you can, like, text him on the fucking phone now.

[57:42] Like, while he's, like, on the plane, you can FaceTime with his ass.

[57:45] And you can only make it as far as security.

Elliott Kalan

[57:47] But, like, I will say that this didn't have the tense stakes

[57:52] that the run to the airport scene in Little Italy had,

[57:55] which is saying quite a lot.

[57:56] But, Dan, you're going to say it.

Stuart Wellington

[57:57] She, like, owns a hotel.

[57:59] She can just fly to fucking New York and see him there.

Dan McCoy

[58:02] There are a couple things I want to say about this scene.

[58:06] Number one, I feel like it illuminates one of the big problems with the movie,

[58:09] which is, like, it comes to life more when they're all together,

[58:12] and they're together very rarely.

[58:14] And this is one of the few times they're together not just for book club.

[58:18] They're, like, doing a thing, which is supporting Jane Fonda.

[58:22] Number two, I like this.

Elliott Kalan

[58:23] They're like, help her get dressed.

[58:25] Dress her up in something sexy.

[58:26] Everything she owns is sexy.

[58:27] And then they put her in kind of like the kind of standard blue dress

[58:31] that I would imagine a waitress in the 70s wearing in, like,

[58:35] Alice doesn't live here anymore or something like that.

[58:36] I'm like, this is not the most provocative thing that you could throw on her.

[58:40] Again, I want this to be about the erotic awakening of these four women.

[58:43] It's disappointing me that it's not.

[58:44] But, Dan, you're saying?

Dan McCoy

[58:45] I also think that, like, so throughout the movie,

[58:48] I feel like Jane Fonda's storyline gets sort of shortchanged the most.

[58:52] I kind of, like...

[58:53] Yes.

[58:54] And I'm also sort of throughout the movie baffled by, okay, like, what is her deal?

[58:58] Like, she keeps...

[58:59] Everyone keeps talking about how she's, like, afraid of commitment.

[59:04] But there's, like, it's just sort of spoken about.

[59:07] And this is the first time I sort of get what's going on.

[59:10] Like, she is pushing Don Johnson away because she is afraid...

[59:14] She is too afraid of losing him again to even give it a chance.

[59:19] Particularly as an older woman who is scared that, like,

[59:22] he will lose interest and just run off with someone younger.

[59:26] And Jane Fonda's, you know, a great actor.

[59:29] And she, like, really sells this.

[59:31] And I have to admit, guys, like, I started crying at this point.

[59:35] And I think it's because, like, one thing that connects with me,

[59:39] I don't know why, is someone later in life sort of making an emotional breakthrough.

[59:45] And she is opening herself up to something scary.

[59:50] And I was, like, I was genuinely crying watching this.

Stuart Wellington

[59:53] Is that kind of what you're doing right now by revealing this emotional honesty to us?

[59:57] Well, I'm tearing up a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[59:59] There's another part that also made me cry.

[1:00:02] I think it was primed to cry because I was already crying from this scene.

[1:00:05] But I'll tell you when we get to it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:07] Okay, wow.

[1:00:08] Dan, I had no idea it had such an emotional impact on you.

[1:00:10] And I'm really happy that you managed to get around to watching the movie this morning.

[1:00:16] What are we talking about?

[1:00:18] When have I never...

[1:00:19] I mean, like, I've fallen asleep during movies before.

[1:00:21] But I always watch them.

[1:00:23] So I want to hear about the other scene that's going to make you cry.

[1:00:27] Anyway, she goes after him.

[1:00:30] And she rushes to catch Arthur at the airport.

[1:00:32] But she fails to catch him there.

[1:00:34] Meanwhile, it's the talent show at the charity dinner.

[1:00:37] And Mary Steenburgen is like, I'm just going to dance without my husband.

[1:00:40] I'm going to do my old little kid tap dance routine to Red Red Robin.

[1:00:43] But the wrong song starts playing.

[1:00:45] It's Meat Loaf's...

[1:00:46] Which Meat Loaf song is it?

[1:00:47] Is it I Will Do Anything for Love?

[1:00:48] I Will Do Anything for Love.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:49] And the guy backstage when she's like, this is the wrong song, is the most comical.

[1:00:52] Like, I don't know.

[1:00:53] I don't know how to work this CD player.

[1:00:56] And everyone's like, she's dancing to Meat Loaf.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:59] And she's making it work.

[1:01:01] And it's like, as if this is crazy.

[1:01:03] As if what she's doing is insane.

[1:01:05] And yet somehow she's managed to do it.

[1:01:06] And then who shows up?

[1:01:08] Craig T. Nelson.

[1:01:09] And I'm not sure if it was like that he put the wrong song on on purpose for this.

[1:01:13] Or he just managed to show up.

[1:01:14] But I think he runs...

[1:01:15] Does he ride his motorcycle into the room?

[1:01:18] Or does he just run in?

[1:01:19] I think you were imagining that.

[1:01:19] I think you just imagine it that way.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:21] Because he runs in with his motorcycle helmet on and a leather jacket.

[1:01:24] That must be it.

[1:01:24] I was like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] Because it could have been a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:26] It's like improv shorthand for...

[1:01:28] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:29] It could have been a tip of the hat to the scene in Rocky Horror where Meat Loaf rides his motorcycle into the room.

[1:01:34] But they didn't do that, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] And this was the other time I cried.

[1:01:37] Not because it wasn't...

[1:01:39] I mean, this is utterly predictable that he would show up for her big moment.

[1:01:42] But they had done the work.

[1:01:44] Again, I feel like this is the most emotionally grounded one that I'm like, aww.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:49] They're reconnecting.

[1:01:50] That's nice.

[1:01:50] Yeah.

[1:01:51] I mean, but this is the kind of story that would usually take up about 9 to 10 minutes of a 22-minute sitcom.

[1:01:57] Yeah, sure.

[1:01:57] Rather than a feature film.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:58] I get it.

[1:01:58] It was pretty emotional for me because, you know, that was a great song playing it.

[1:02:03] It just made me think about how Meat Loaf is a climate change denier.

[1:02:06] And it's hard to appreciate and enjoy his music anymore.

[1:02:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:09] Well, I mean, you also have to ignore Craig T. Nelson's political views, too.

[1:02:14] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:15] Yeah.

[1:02:15] I remember we used to play that clip on The Daily Show a lot when he was on Fox and he said, I was on welfare.

[1:02:20] I was on food stamps.

[1:02:21] Nobody offered me a handout.

[1:02:23] It was like, hold on a second.

[1:02:26] But the – and they are so turned on that they rush home to have sex on his motorcycle.

[1:02:33] I mean, they're rushing home on his motorcycle.

[1:02:34] I don't know where they had sex.

[1:02:36] Maybe it was just on a motorcycle.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:37] They probably had sex on the motorcycle because for Craig T. Nelson, that would be a threesome at that point.

[1:02:40] He loves that motorcycle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:42] I guess so.

[1:02:43] Do you think she got – we don't see the scene.

[1:02:45] But do you think maybe she got irritated that he was lavishing so much attention on the motorcycle and not at her?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:51] What do you mean we didn't see that scene?

[1:02:52] That was the whole fucking –

[1:02:53] We didn't see them having sex, Dan.

[1:02:55] We didn't see a threesome.

[1:02:56] No, we didn't see Craig T. Nelson sticking –

[1:02:58] But, Dan, did you see the unrated cut of Book Club that I wasn't aware of?

[1:03:04] Yeah.

[1:03:05] I fell asleep watching this and Crash came on the TV afterwards and, like, I just merged them in my mind.

[1:03:12] Oh, fair, fair.

[1:03:13] And what channel was this that was playing both of these movies?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:16] Yeah.

[1:03:17] Dan was reading –

[1:03:19] A cognitive dissonance show.

[1:03:20] Dan was reading a penthouse magazine and fell asleep on a Soryama painting.

[1:03:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:26] Dan was watching the Cognitive Dissidence Channel, or CDC.

[1:03:29] Dan, that's not the CDC you're supposed to be getting your virus information from.

[1:03:35] Okay.

[1:03:36] Jane Fonda, she goes back to her hotel.

[1:03:37] Hey, guess who's there waiting for her?

[1:03:39] It's Arthur.

[1:03:40] He didn't get on the plane.

[1:03:41] He needed her.

[1:03:42] They kiss.

[1:03:43] And Diane Keaton, she's with her daughters, eating pizza in Arizona.

[1:03:46] And this is what – I was like, it's just the three of them eating pizza at a table.

[1:03:49] And I couldn't help but think, like, where's the rest of their families?

[1:03:52] Like, the grandma just showed up.

[1:03:54] Why are their kids and their husbands not there for dinner?

[1:03:57] It was very strange to me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:58] The husbands are, like, I'm assuming out in the yard drinking from a bowl and eating slop.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:04] Is that what married life is like for you, Stu?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:07] What I like about this scene is when one of the daughters goes, does anyone want a piece of pizza?

[1:04:12] And my wife audibly groaned at the term piece of pizza.

[1:04:18] And then Alicia Silverstone lifted up the slice of pizza in her hand and goes, I already got one.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:27] That's a little story in miniature, you know?

[1:04:29] There's a setup and a resolution.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Act one, there's pizza.

[1:04:34] Act two, the question goes out.

[1:04:37] Is there pizza?

[1:04:37] Act three, I don't need pizza.

[1:04:39] Thank you.

[1:04:39] But that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:40] That is her daughter's proving that they don't need their mom in their life anymore because they can provide their own pieces of pizza.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:49] I mean, that wasn't really the – I think the lesson was more that she doesn't need them to take care of her.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:54] She doesn't need to provide pieces of pizza for their hungry mouths.

[1:04:58] No.

[1:05:00] Now, how is this map onto –

[1:05:01] She doesn't need to chew them up like a bird.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:03] Now, how is this map onto a Dan Harmon story circle?

[1:05:06] Okay, they're in a zone of comfort.

[1:05:08] They have their mother with them.

[1:05:10] Then there's a problem.

[1:05:11] Pizza.

[1:05:13] Eventually, they meet the goddess, who I assume in this case is Diane Keaton.

[1:05:16] And by the end, they are back where they started, that zone of comfort.

[1:05:19] But they've learned a lesson, which is that Diane Keaton needs to go live her own life.

[1:05:22] She – I don't remember what it is that causes her to finally snap.

[1:05:26] Maybe it's them saying –

[1:05:27] It's the fucking piece of pizza shit.

[1:05:29] Them saying piece of pizza.

[1:05:31] But she goes, hey, stop taking care of me.

[1:05:33] I have my own life to live and I'm not done living yet.

[1:05:35] And she drives through a year hall.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:36] They're telling her that she shouldn't have driven all the way down herself.

[1:05:39] Oh, right, right.

[1:05:40] She could have killed someone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:41] Yeah, because she's such an old person driver.

[1:05:44] And she drives through a U-Haul over to the pilot's house.

[1:05:47] And he's like, what's this?

[1:05:47] And she goes, my overnight bag.

[1:05:49] And it's like, JK, I'm moving in.

[1:05:50] I live here now.

[1:05:51] I'm a squatter.

[1:05:53] This is just like the servant.

[1:05:55] I now live here.

[1:05:56] This is my house.

[1:05:57] I control it.

[1:05:59] And Candice Bergen, guess what?

[1:06:01] She reactivates her online dating account and reconnects with George, Richard Dreyfuss.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:05] Like, she swipes on him and they match.

[1:06:08] I'm like, wait, they matched before.

[1:06:10] What the fuck is going on?

[1:06:12] Why?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:12] So you thought he might have changed enough since that date that they don't match anymore?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:17] No.

[1:06:17] I mean, I guess sometimes Bumble connections run out over time.

[1:06:23] But I don't think it's been a long enough time in the world of book club for that to have happened.

[1:06:27] I mean, at this point, also, you could assume that she could just call him.

[1:06:29] They probably exchanged some numbers.

[1:06:31] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:32] But guys, the next thing is...

[1:06:35] They exchanged more than that.

[1:06:36] You know what I mean?

[1:06:38] No, I don't.

[1:06:39] Explain it, Stuart.

[1:06:39] Can you explain that in clearer terms?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:43] Okay.

[1:06:43] So imagine life is like a piece of pizza.

[1:06:47] Okay.

[1:06:48] Yeah.

[1:06:50] And life begins when one piece of pizza and a pepperoni.

[1:06:55] Are you following me?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:56] Okay.

[1:06:56] Kind of.

[1:06:57] I mean, my mom always said life is like a box of chocolate.

[1:06:59] So this is very confusing to me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:00] So you're talking about a piece of pepperoni is what you're talking about, right?

[1:07:03] A piece of pepperoni?

[1:07:04] A single piece.

[1:07:05] Yeah.

[1:07:06] A piece of pepperoni.

[1:07:07] A single piece of pepperoni and a single piece of pizza.

[1:07:10] Yeah.

[1:07:12] What's the next step of this podcast?

[1:07:14] Okay.

[1:07:14] Then a piece of sauce is probably involved, right?

[1:07:17] No.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:17] The credits is the next step.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:19] Then there's...

[1:07:19] And then during the credits, there's this little scene where we see the ladies recreating their

[1:07:24] old fake photo of how they were posed in a bar together.

[1:07:28] And that's it.

[1:07:30] They're in the book club still, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:31] I thought for sure there were going to be some bloops, but there were no bloops.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:34] There were no bloops.

[1:07:35] You know why?

[1:07:35] Because they're such flawless professionals that they got every line right on the first

[1:07:39] take.

[1:07:40] And so there you have it.

[1:07:41] Four ladies.

[1:07:41] They read Fifty Shades of Grey.

[1:07:43] They realize what's wrong with their lives.

[1:07:44] And they take minimal steps to do the obvious to achieve success and satisfaction.

[1:07:51] Look club, won't you?

[1:07:52] Yeah.

[1:07:53] Yeah.

[1:07:53] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:54] Well...

[1:07:54] It seemed like they had it all.

[1:07:56] And now they do.

[1:07:59] The end.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:01] That's the slogan on the post.

[1:08:03] They thought they had it all.

[1:08:04] Dot, dot, dot.

[1:08:05] And now they do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:06] Book club.

[1:08:07] Yeah.

[1:08:07] I mean, do you think the tagline of this movie should have been, like, join the book club?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:13] Well, the tagline was, the next chapter is always the best.

[1:08:17] Oh.

[1:08:18] So it's the next chapter in their lives.

[1:08:20] Oh, that's cool.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:21] I mean, that's categorically untrue.

[1:08:23] Like, it's not always the next chapter that is the best, but sure.

[1:08:27] Why not?

[1:08:27] I mean, it's optimism.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:29] Dan, with a nihilistic view of reading.

[1:08:31] Hey, stop that book right now.

[1:08:32] This chapter is probably the best.

[1:08:34] The next chapter probably sucks.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:35] Look, the next chapter could be the best.

[1:08:37] But let's not make any assurances.

[1:08:40] Let's not write any checks our butt can't cash here.

[1:08:43] Dan, why is your butt cashing your checks?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:46] Dan, when I said you needed to get someone to have power of attorney, not power of butt-tourney,

[1:08:51] I think you misunderstood.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:53] Ugh, doesn't even sound alike.

[1:08:54] Anyway, let's go on to Final Judgments.

[1:08:57] This is a good, bad movie.

[1:08:59] A bad, bad movie.

[1:09:00] A movie you kind of liked.

[1:09:02] I gotta admit, I kind of liked this movie.

[1:09:05] Like, it is not...

[1:09:06] I mean, it made you cry twice, Dan.

[1:09:08] I think you liked this movie.

[1:09:09] The movie...

[1:09:11] Here's my take on the movie.

[1:09:13] This movie works in spite of the script and direction.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:18] What?

[1:09:18] That poll quote on the posters now.

[1:09:20] This movie works.

[1:09:21] Dan McCoy, The Flop House.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:23] Like, it works entirely on the fact that this is...

[1:09:27] These are old pros.

[1:09:28] They're great.

[1:09:29] Like, you love seeing them interact.

[1:09:30] You love seeing them in a movie.

[1:09:32] And it just proves that, like, there should be more movies featuring...

[1:09:36] There should be more movies, Dan McCoy.

[1:09:39] It proves that there should be more movies featuring older characters, featuring older actors, specifically older women.

[1:09:48] Because, like, if this movie can squeak by and work on me with bad material.

[1:09:57] Imagine the same cast with good material.

[1:10:01] Yeah.

[1:10:02] That's my take.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:03] Imagine if it was the best exotic Marigold Hotel, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:10:07] Yeah.

[1:10:08] Instead of the mediocre exotic Marigold Hotel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:12] Dan, I'm not going to go so far as to say it's a movie I kind of liked because I didn't like it.

[1:10:16] But I will call it a good-bad movie in that throughout the movie, I just kept being like, all right, movie.

[1:10:22] Like, I couldn't...

[1:10:23] The movie was so, like, exactly what I thought it would be in a way that I found comforting, I guess.

[1:10:30] But it also just, every time I was watching, I was like, there's a whole world of cinema out there.

[1:10:34] And I'll call it cinema.

[1:10:36] That I don't see normally, and that most of America sees.

[1:10:39] And, like, it's good for me to recognize that.

[1:10:41] But also, like, this is a pretty dumb movie.

[1:10:43] I could see watching it and just groaning with people.

[1:10:45] It's not the kind of movie where you're going to, like, be making snide comments.

[1:10:48] But you're going to groan at it.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:49] Could you say that in a more coastal elite way, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:52] I can't.

[1:10:53] I'm a coastal elite.

[1:10:54] I watched it in a condescending way.

[1:10:56] I mean, I don't know if I'd say coastal elite, because my mom, who also lives on a coast, I think would love this movie.

[1:11:01] Yeah.

[1:11:01] But I guess it's more of a generational condescension.

[1:11:03] I will say this, Dan.

[1:11:04] Just looking at it right now, looking at the ages of these women in the movie.

[1:11:08] Mary Seenburgen, you can tell, is the youngest of them.

[1:11:10] Jane Fonda, I didn't realize, according to Wikipedia, is 82 years old.

[1:11:14] And she looks amazing in the movie.

[1:11:17] Everyone's talking about Jane.

[1:11:18] Jane Fonda is amazing.

[1:11:19] Everyone's talking about J-Lo at 50.

[1:11:21] Jane Fonda at 82 is much more impressive.

[1:11:23] And she's, like, never for a moment do I not buy that she is an incredibly, like, sexually active.

[1:11:30] An attractive woman.

[1:11:31] And I think that's fantastic.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:32] And she's also been, like, putting up with bullshit for so long.

[1:11:37] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:38] I both agree with you, Elliot, and am glad for her.

[1:11:42] And think that we probably shouldn't spend much time talking about these women's looks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:47] Dan, I want to celebrate the beauty of these women.

[1:11:50] I'm just saying that beauty is ageless.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:52] Okay.

[1:11:53] Stuart, what do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:55] So I'm going to say this is, you know, there's stuff going on in the world right now.

[1:12:00] And the idea of watching a movie that has, like, basically no tension or drama or thrills, that's kind of comforting right now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:11] It was good to watch a movie where if everything went wrong for these characters, they would be fine.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:17] Yeah.

[1:12:17] It's not like the other movie I was watching that I've been watching spread out over the last couple days.

[1:12:24] I Saw the Devil, which is horrible and violent.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:27] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:28] That's a rough movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:30] Yeah.

[1:12:30] But it's, you know, it's still great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:32] It's really good.

[1:12:32] But it's, yeah, that's a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:34] That's the, let's say, polar opposite of the movie we're talking about.

[1:12:38] Yeah.

[1:12:39] So I...

[1:12:40] I think that's fair, yeah.

[1:12:42] I'll go as far as to say, like, it's kind of...

[1:12:44] It doesn't necessarily fall under the, like, good-bad criteria, but it isn't necessarily...

[1:12:50] Like, I'm not mad at it, so it's kind of in between good-bad and movie I'm fine with.

[1:12:59] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:00] Movie I'm fine with.

[1:13:02] I'll allow it, says Judge Wellington.

S5

[1:13:04] There's nothing quite like sailing in the calm international waters on my ship, the SS Biopic.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:18] Avast!

[1:13:19] It's actually pronounced Biopic.

S5

[1:13:23] No, you dingus!

[1:13:24] It's Biopic!

[1:13:25] Who the hell says that?

S4

[1:13:27] It's Biopic.

[1:13:29] It comes with the words Biology.

[1:13:29] It's the words for Biography and Picture.

[1:13:32] If you...

[1:13:32] All right, that is enough.

[1:13:34] Ahoy!

[1:13:35] I'm Dave Holmes.

[1:13:36] I am the host of the rebooted podcast formerly known as International Waters, designed to

[1:13:41] resolve petty but persistent arguments like this.

[1:13:44] How?

[1:13:45] By pitting two teams of opinionated comedians against each other with trivia and improv games,

[1:13:50] of course.

[1:13:51] Winner takes home the right to be right.

[1:13:53] What podcast be this?

[1:13:55] It's called Troubled Waters, where we disagree to disagree!

[1:14:00] Macho Man to the top rope!

[1:14:02] Macho Man to the top rope!

[1:14:03] The flying elbow!

[1:14:04] The cover!

S4

[1:14:04] The cover!

[1:14:08] We've got a new champion!

S5

[1:14:12] We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion!

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:17] What are you going to do now, match?

S5

[1:14:18] I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast!

[1:14:23] Oh yeah!

S4

[1:14:23] Tell us more about this podcast!

S5

[1:14:25] It's the podcast of power!

[1:14:27] Too sweet to be sour!

[1:14:28] Funky like a monkey!

[1:14:30] Woke discussions, man!

[1:14:31] And jokes about wrestlers' fashion choices, myself excluded!

[1:14:36] I can't wait to listen!

[1:14:38] Neither can I!

[1:14:39] You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun!

[1:14:42] Oh yeah!

[1:14:44] Dig it!

Dan McCoy

[1:14:47] Letters is our next thing.

[1:14:48] Normally we would have some sponsors here.

[1:14:51] Originally this was going to be in sort of the Max Fun Drive zone, so there's nothing scheduled.

[1:14:57] But I do want to take this moment...

[1:14:59] I could talk for a while again about how attractive I found all of the women in the movie.

[1:15:03] Yeah, I mean that's been kind of working so far, right?

[1:15:08] I do want to take this moment to say...

[1:15:14] I think it will surprise no one to know that the Toronto show has been cancelled, as has that entire film festival.

[1:15:21] But we hope to be past this pandemic, as everyone does soon.

[1:15:26] And we hope to be back out on the road entertaining folk and entertaining ourselves.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:32] Obviously, the big worry about this pandemic is not when is the Flophouse going to get back on the road,

[1:15:38] but it is something that we will do when the time is ready.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:43] Yeah.

[1:15:44] But let's move on to letters.

[1:15:47] This first one is from Eli, who writes,

[1:15:53] Howdy Floppers.

[1:15:56] I'm going to skip over this part where he tells us that we're great and go on to the question, which is...

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:03] He probably doesn't feel that way anymore after listening to this episode anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:07] He thinks I'm a creep.

[1:16:09] He thinks Dan is rude to people who write in letters.

[1:16:11] And he still likes to.

[1:16:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:14] But Eli writes...

[1:16:15] I mean, that's the usual way it goes.

[1:16:17] Eli writes,

[1:16:17] With the success of The Purge TV show,

[1:16:20] what movie have you watched for the podcast that you would turn into a TV show?

[1:16:24] Hopefully, it doesn't take two years for this email to be read.

[1:16:26] R-O-C-K in the USA.

[1:16:28] Eli, you know, he got his jabs in at the end, even though he was nice to us before.

[1:16:33] He got you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:33] Well, I don't know he was nice to us.

[1:16:34] You described it, but I didn't get to hear it.

[1:16:36] You know, it was about helping him through rough times or some nonsense.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:40] Yeah, I feel like I've watched a couple of series that are based on movies.

[1:16:45] I just watched the High Fidelity series on Hulu, which is basically just like a slight palette swap.

[1:16:53] And I don't quite buy some of the choices.

[1:16:59] Like, I don't really buy Zoe Kravitz as this, like, unlucky in love jerk.

[1:17:04] Because, you know, she's, you know, one of the most beautiful women in the world.

[1:17:08] So that's weird.

[1:17:09] But the...

[1:17:10] And then I also watched The Outsider on HBO.

[1:17:13] And in both cases, which I guess isn't based on a movie,

[1:17:16] but it feels like a horror movie just strung out into ten episodes.

[1:17:21] And I feel like in both cases, they just took material that would normally make one movie.

[1:17:26] And they're like, how can we turn this into a ten episode series for good and bad?

[1:17:32] Like, I mean, you know, like stretching things out, let you add a little more depth.

[1:17:39] And so what I'm going to...

[1:17:40] The way I'm going to answer this question is looking back at our recent movies,

[1:17:44] I think they should make a TV show out of Pottersville,

[1:17:48] turn it into a 30-minute long sitcom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:52] And now tell us a little bit about how they would do that.

[1:17:54] Is it a long-running...

[1:17:56] Is it like a long-running thing about Bigfoot?

[1:17:58] Or is there a new adventure every week?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:02] I would say it's a 30-minute long sitcom.

[1:18:05] It is...

[1:18:07] The Bigfoot thing stays there.

[1:18:09] That is a consistent running thing in the show.

[1:18:12] There's no arc.

[1:18:14] Each episode can be taken entirely separate from the other episodes.

[1:18:18] Like you're trapped in this endless cycle of Pottersville, Christmas...

[1:18:25] So it's always Christmas in every episode.

[1:18:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:32] Okay.

[1:18:32] All right.

[1:18:34] And so it's kind of like...

[1:18:35] And it's about...

[1:18:36] A series of 30-minute Hallmark movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:40] Yeah, kind of.

[1:18:41] But there's kind of like a little bit of Twin Peaks about it.

[1:18:44] Yeah, there's certainly a little bit of Twin Peaks about it.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:47] Siri, for some reason, picked up a series of 30-minute Hallmark movies

[1:18:52] and thought that was a thing that I wanted information about, I guess.

[1:18:56] Oh, wow.

[1:18:56] It just turned on.

[1:18:57] Yeah.

[1:18:59] I was going to say...

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:00] So is it...

[1:19:01] Wait, I just want to...

[1:19:03] About Pottersville.

[1:19:03] So it takes place at the store, I assume?

[1:19:05] Like Michael Shannon's store is like the central set?

[1:19:08] Yeah, of course.

[1:19:09] That's the main set.

[1:19:09] And now is he...

[1:19:11] Is it continuing on from the movies?

[1:19:13] Was he now in a relationship with Judy Greer or is he still married to Christina Hendricks?

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:17] I mean, it's going to start all the way at the beginning.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:19] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:20] So he's going to begin married...

[1:19:22] In some episodes, he'll be married to Christina Hendricks.

[1:19:24] In other episodes, he's going to be dating Judy Greer and you don't know how he got from point A to point B.

[1:19:29] Okay.

[1:19:31] That's fair.

[1:19:32] You can't tell if you're like somebody just took the episodes and like shuffled them like a deck of cards.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:38] Now, Stuart, why are you doing this?

[1:19:40] There's no path.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:42] And there's some places where there's like...

[1:19:45] There's a character with a broken arm in one episode.

[1:19:47] And then in a completely different episode, he breaks his arm.

[1:19:50] But it doesn't track with the marriage and the other plot lines.

[1:19:53] And you're like, what is happening?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:55] So this is so traditional sitcom, if I can interject.

[1:19:58] A traditional sitcom, there's an assumption that the episodes take place in some sequence, one after the other.

[1:20:02] Even something like The Simpsons, there's either slow development over time or it's just, well, this is another day.

[1:20:08] What you're suggesting is a radical new reinvention of the sitcom where each episode takes place in an alternate reality from a previous episode

[1:20:15] where it's the same characters and situation but they're in a slightly different place.

[1:20:19] And because they're existing in a parallel dimension, there is no sequencing.

[1:20:23] There's no continuity.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:25] It's almost like each element in the story, whether it's physical set decoration items or people's lives,

[1:20:33] those all are on completely different trajectories at any given time.

[1:20:37] So you don't know what point in Pottersville you're at.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:41] So the first 10 minutes of each episode is more just getting your bearings of what's going on in Pottersville in this episode.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:47] The first 25 minutes, you're like, what is happening?

Dan McCoy

[1:20:49] Well, the first 25 of the 30-minute show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:51] You're trying not to vomit because your mind is just, you're trying to, the pattern recognition of it is just so hard.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:58] So you're saying it's less about alternate realities, more like Pottersville has come unstuck in time.

[1:21:04] But individual elements of it may be differently unstuck in time.

[1:21:09] Exactly.

[1:21:10] You're suggesting here...

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:11] Dan gets it perfectly, Elliot.

[1:21:12] I don't know what your problem is.

[1:21:14] I'm impressed with you.

[1:21:15] I don't get it.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:15] I don't quite understand the creative choice you're making.

[1:21:18] No, no.

[1:21:18] He is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:19] He is...

[1:21:20] This is a radical reinvention.

[1:21:21] The normal purpose of a sitcom is reassurance.

[1:21:25] It's slight agitation, which has then led to a catharsis of return to the norm.

[1:21:30] But what he's suggesting is instead a sitcom that aims for the opposite objective, where it unsettles the viewer,

[1:21:35] and in fact leaves them teetering on the brink of madness as they try to make sense of how this experience squares the past experiences.

[1:21:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:43] Yeah.

[1:21:43] I mean, luckily, this pitch worked pretty well when I yelled it at Michael Shannon when we were crossing each other on the street in my neighborhood the other day.

[1:21:53] At least six feet apart.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:53] Seems like a complex idea to get across just yelling to Michael Shannon as you're crossing past each other.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:59] I mean, I was like, hey, hey, Pottersville, but crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:03] And he just nodded and he's like, yep, gave me a thumbs up.

[1:22:07] I mean, Pottersville the movie is already a little crazy, so he probably thought you said Pottersville was crazy and nodded.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:13] I don't think that's him greenlining the series, though, necessarily, Stuart.

[1:22:17] I think he might just be indulging what he assumes is a fan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:22] I don't know.

[1:22:23] It seemed like the behavior of an executive producer credit.

[1:22:26] Okay.

[1:22:28] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:28] I mean, the president of HBO Max was walking with Michael Shannon at the time and also gave you a nod, right?

[1:22:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:34] Yeah, yeah.

[1:22:34] HBO Max, is that the HBO that's, like, a little bit too hot for comic book stands?

[1:22:39] Yeah.

[1:22:40] No.

[1:22:40] It's Maximum.

[1:22:42] It's what?

[1:22:43] It's Maximum.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:44] Yeah, yeah.

[1:22:44] It's the Maximum HBO.

[1:22:46] But I think this is a great idea.

[1:22:49] Dan, what were you going to do?

[1:22:51] What show were you going to make of a movie?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:51] Well, I won't talk at length because nothing can top that.

[1:22:54] I was just going to, like, this is a bit of a cheat because this is a movie, like, that we enjoy.

[1:22:59] Based on a TV show?

[1:23:00] No, this is a movie that we enjoy and we did as a special episode.

[1:23:05] But, you know, a Tango and Cash TV show.

[1:23:07] I would love to get the original stars back as an aging Tango and Cash, you know, just adventures every week.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:13] Not to reveal too much.

[1:23:15] This is something that a former podcast guest, Brendan Hay, and I have talked about before and looked into and the rights to that movie are so mixed up.

[1:23:25] Oh, wow.

[1:23:26] But it was something that we were genuinely thinking about developing and pitching was a Tango and Cash TV show.

[1:23:31] Oh, wow.

[1:23:32] And I'll just say I would make a TV show at a book club.

[1:23:35] They already did it.

[1:23:35] It's called Golden Girls.

[1:23:36] Boom.

[1:23:36] We're there.

[1:23:38] Well, there's one more letter.

[1:23:41] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:41] I would also say I was considering maybe a TV show of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

[1:23:46] Oh, yeah.

[1:23:46] But that would kind of just turn into Babylon 5, right?

[1:23:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:51] Yeah, probably.

[1:23:53] So there's one more letter.

[1:23:55] It has no question, but it's a delightful anecdote.

[1:23:58] It's from David, last name withheld.

[1:24:01] And David writes...

[1:24:03] So not my...

[1:24:03] Wait.

[1:24:04] So is it...

[1:24:05] Well, we'll just hear it.

[1:24:06] We'll see.

[1:24:06] It's not the David I'm thinking of.

[1:24:07] It's not your brother.

[1:24:08] It's not my brother.

[1:24:09] Okay.

[1:24:10] Okay.

[1:24:10] Is it David Duchovny?

[1:24:12] It is David Duchovny.

[1:24:13] You guessed it.

[1:24:13] Okay.

[1:24:14] David Duchovny writes, while Mr. Payback has come up...

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:18] It's ironic because on Red Shoe Diaries, people were writing to David Duchovny, but now he's writing to us.

[1:24:23] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:24] Yeah.

[1:24:25] Wait right until I'm starting the letter.

[1:24:29] While Mr. Payback has come up several times before on your show, I didn't realize until the discussion on your Veratica episode that none of you had actually seen it.

[1:24:38] I have not only seen Mr. Payback in theaters, I've seen...

[1:24:41] I am Mr. Payback.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:44] Please.

[1:24:45] Mr. Payback is my father.

[1:24:46] Call me John Payback.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:50] I've not only seen it in theaters, I've seen everybody.

[1:24:53] Wow.

[1:24:54] I did it by ruining the film for everybody.

[1:24:59] He explains, I was working at a place where one of the theaters had to be converted to an all-Mr. Payback cinema.

[1:25:06] The large controller armrest and the new, for the time, digital projector meant that the theater could not be used for anything else.

[1:25:15] Oh, wow.

[1:25:15] And we had to keep screening the half-hour longer film for six weeks, even though there was hardly anyone ever in it.

[1:25:25] Anyone in the theater.

[1:25:26] Anyone in the theater.

[1:25:26] Not hardly anyone in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:27] Because the movie, it featured Christopher Lloyd, Eddie Deason.

[1:25:31] Lots of people were in the movie.

[1:25:32] And, of course, Billy Warlock as Mr. Payback.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:35] Yeah.

[1:25:36] We had an employee screening before it opened.

[1:25:38] We all knew it was doomed right from the start.

[1:25:40] But the bad movie fan in me got the idea of trying to watch all the paths.

[1:25:45] So, for the first week, I would slip into the theater with the five or so patrons watching it and just go along with them.

[1:25:51] Then, I made a discovery.

[1:25:53] The voting mechanism did not work properly.

[1:25:56] Rather than letting each seat vote once, Mr. Payback counted each time the button was pressed as a vote.

[1:26:02] Once I discovered this, I began stuffing the ballot box in all of the Mr. Payback screenings so I could see the bits of the movie I hadn't watched yet.

[1:26:11] People would be sitting alone in that theater and I'd come in the back and vote a dozen times on the part I wanted to see.

[1:26:16] I wonder how many of those people left thinking that the Mr. Payback voting was as rigged as Mr. Sardonicus.

[1:26:24] 25 years later, the only thing I remember about Mr. Payback as a movie was that the biggest celebrity they could get for it was Frank Gorshin.

[1:26:32] Keep on flopping.

[1:26:33] David, last name withheld.

[1:26:34] I mean, Frank Gorshin's a pretty big star, right?

[1:26:38] For us, maybe.

[1:26:39] I don't know.

[1:26:41] That's a charming tale of cruelty towards others.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:45] I just really love that the theater had to make such an investment in Mr. Payback.

[1:26:52] Like, that was an all-in risk.

[1:26:54] And if it had paid off, they'd look like geniuses.

[1:26:57] They would have been paid back.

[1:26:58] It was going to be the future of cinema, Elliot.

[1:27:02] It was going to be the future of cinema.

[1:27:03] So, have you guys ever seen an interactive movie that you really liked?

[1:27:08] Like, that worked for you?

[1:27:09] Because I feel like every now and then they try it.

[1:27:11] Like, they had that Black Mirror episode.

[1:27:13] And I feel like when I see a movie, I don't want to have to make choices.

[1:27:16] I want to be, like, in the world the filmmaker is creating and I want to see where they take me.

[1:27:20] But maybe, do you guys feel differently?

[1:27:21] Do you like having a sense of control over the narrative?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:23] I feel like video games have taken over that space, right?

[1:27:27] And I'm not really much of a game player.

[1:27:31] So, I wouldn't know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:33] You wouldn't describe yourself as a game boy?

[1:27:37] I would not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:39] Okay.

[1:27:39] But, Dan, you were so into Gamergate at the time.

[1:27:41] You said that ethics in game journalism was really important, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:44] God, why do you slander me every episode?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:46] Dan, I've been such a creep in this episode.

[1:27:48] I just got to make someone else the bad guy for once.

[1:27:51] You got to lean into it.

[1:27:51] Okay.

[1:27:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:53] That was a great story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:55] Thank you, David, for writing in.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:57] Let us move along to the last segment where we recommend movies that we watched recently or not so recently that you should, you know, why not check them out?

[1:28:10] Maybe you're, you know, self-isolating and you got to fill the hours.

[1:28:15] Who knows?

[1:28:18] I'll go first.

[1:28:19] So, I will admit that this may be a very specific reason I liked this movie.

[1:28:26] Are you going to recommend Book Club?

[1:28:30] Yeah.

[1:28:30] No, I had taken part of an edible to deal with the anxiety of our current world and it kicked in right when I...

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:37] Wait, Dan, you mean a piece of an edible?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:41] I don't get...

[1:28:42] Oh, yeah.

[1:28:43] It's a callback.

[1:28:44] Yeah.

[1:28:44] Remember?

[1:28:46] Earlier?

[1:28:46] Go on.

[1:28:47] The piece thing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:48] Yeah, I remember.

[1:28:49] Dan, give a piece a chance.

[1:28:50] A piece of pizza, that is.

[1:28:52] Okay.

[1:28:54] Don't fucking steal my bit.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:57] It's stolen.

[1:28:57] It's mine now.

[1:28:58] I'm the Milton Berle of this bit.

[1:29:00] So, the edible kicked in right when I happened across the very beginning of Tommy on television.

[1:29:07] And I had never watched Tommy.

[1:29:09] And, oh boy, you know, if you happen to be in that situation where you're both mildly stoned and just want something that will wash over you and you don't have to think about it that much,

[1:29:20] Tommy will fit the bill because it is a crazy rock opera by the Who about a kid with psychosomatic deaf, dumb blindness who becomes a pinball wizard, as we all know,

[1:29:33] and then becomes kind of a messianic figure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:36] Is this the movie with Chris Farley and David Spade?

[1:29:39] Yes, exactly.

[1:29:40] Yes.

[1:29:40] No, that's Tommy Boy.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:41] Oh.

[1:29:42] Cool.

[1:29:42] This is the one with Oliver Reed, who cannot sing, and Anne Margaret, who can.

[1:29:48] And it is directed by Ken Russell, the master of crazy excess and bad taste.

[1:29:54] And it just explodes all over the screen.

[1:29:56] And I will say, I don't know whether it was just like a weird airing on the channel I was watching.

[1:30:04] The vocals were mixed so low in the explosive Who soundtrack that I, you know, they might as well not have been singing.

[1:30:15] So I turned on the closed captions.

[1:30:17] That may be something you need to do.

[1:30:19] But it's just a sensory overload.

[1:30:22] So if you're in the mood for that, it's crazy and weird and fun.

[1:30:28] And, yeah, Tommy.

[1:30:31] Cool.

[1:30:32] Tommy Boy.

[1:30:34] Yeah.

[1:30:35] That's going to leave a mark.

[1:30:37] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:38] I'm going to recommend a movie starring one Elijah Wood called Come to Daddy.

[1:30:47] It's a movie about a young DJ who is a type of dude.

[1:30:52] Yeah, he is a DJ.

[1:30:53] Sorry.

[1:30:54] I thought you were making some crazy.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:55] Dan, why are you real-time fact-correcting Stewart's recommendation?

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:58] Sorry.

[1:30:58] Go on.

[1:30:59] Sorry.

[1:31:00] I apologize.

[1:31:01] So he's a young DJ.

[1:31:04] And he wants to reconnect with his biological father who he has never had a relationship with.

[1:31:11] Wait, wait, wait.

[1:31:11] And does not know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:12] Dan, can you verify that for me?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:15] Yes.

[1:31:15] Sorry.

[1:31:15] I can't verify this.

[1:31:16] Yeah.

[1:31:17] Okay, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:18] And, of course, this reunion does not go exactly as he had hoped.

[1:31:24] It's a weird thriller that starts strange and then spirals into weirder and darker places than you would expect.

[1:31:32] And it turns into a real showcase for a lot of fun character actors.

[1:31:38] It's fun and gross.

[1:31:39] It's fun and gross.

[1:31:39] And, yeah, funny.

[1:31:42] Check it out.

[1:31:42] Come to daddy.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:43] Yeah.

[1:31:44] It was kind of...

[1:31:45] Like, I feel like it has, like, the vibe...

[1:31:47] It's a Canadian-New Zealand co-production.

[1:31:51] And it has some of that...

[1:31:52] Yeah, so it's got that vibe.

[1:31:53] It's got that crazy vibe.

[1:31:55] Sorry, I shouldn't say crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:56] Oh, it's the guy who did the greasy strangler made it.

[1:31:59] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:59] Yeah, it's got that weird vibe.

[1:32:02] It's like a much stranger, goofy version of, like, a Jeremy Saulnier thriller, I feel like.

[1:32:12] Yeah, I can see that.

[1:32:15] Sorry.

[1:32:16] Elliot, what were you going to say?

[1:32:17] Oh, nothing.

[1:32:18] I have my recommendation if you guys are ready.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:20] Yeah, please.

[1:32:21] If you're done providing the Pinocchios for Stuart's recommendation.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:26] Oh, God.

[1:32:26] The frustration is coming out right at the end of the episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:29] I'm going to recommend two movies.

[1:32:32] One of them might be a little on the nose.

[1:32:34] And the other one is more of a comfort food movie.

[1:32:36] So a movie that I saw recently that I liked more than I thought I would,

[1:32:42] but which may not be the right one for people right now,

[1:32:45] is a movie called The World, The Flesh, and The Devil.

[1:32:48] This is a movie from 1959 starring Harry Belafonte and Inger Stevens and Mel Ferrer

[1:32:52] about a...

[1:32:54] It's an end-of-the-world movie where Harry Belafonte, for a while,

[1:32:58] thinks he is the last person left on Earth.

[1:33:00] There is...

[1:33:01] There's been use of some kind of atomic poison that's wiped out most of humanity.

[1:33:05] And the strange thing about this movie is we never see any bodies.

[1:33:08] They seem to have all disappeared.

[1:33:09] And a lot of it is Harry Belafonte trying to make his way,

[1:33:13] thinking he's the only person there,

[1:33:14] and then finding a woman alive in New York,

[1:33:16] and trying to figure out how to kind of like shake off the limits he feels

[1:33:24] from where his place was in the previous society.

[1:33:27] And the thing that I found really interesting in this movie

[1:33:29] that they don't play with as much as they...

[1:33:30] I would have liked,

[1:33:32] is the idea that he doesn't necessarily want to return to the way life was before.

[1:33:36] Because for a black man in America in the 1950s,

[1:33:40] it might be better for him to now be on his own and self-sufficient

[1:33:44] and in control of his surroundings rather than part of this institutional culture

[1:33:48] in which he can never have everything he wants

[1:33:51] and is always going to be kind of a second-class citizen.

[1:33:53] So they do a little bit with that in it that I found really fascinating.

[1:33:56] And it eventually turns into kind of like a weird love triangle

[1:33:59] that is not super successful.

[1:34:01] But if you don't want to watch a movie about most of the people in the world dying,

[1:34:05] which I understand is not the thing you might want to watch right now,

[1:34:07] I would also recommend one of my favorites, The Music Man.

[1:34:11] We recently got a record player and hooked it up in our house

[1:34:13] and we got my wife's parents' old record collection

[1:34:16] and my son has been crazy about the soundtrack to The Music Man

[1:34:19] and we've been listening to it a lot lately.

[1:34:21] And it just reminds me what a like, for me, feel-good movie that movie is.

[1:34:25] I love the songs in it.

[1:34:26] It's really bright and colorful.

[1:34:27] The dancing's great.

[1:34:28] The performers are really great.

[1:34:30] And I just really love it.

[1:34:31] So if you want something that's just going to make you feel good,

[1:34:34] I'll recommend The Music Man.

[1:34:35] If you want something that is going to tap into your anxieties,

[1:34:38] then perhaps the world, the flesh, and the devil.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:40] There's some line readings that Robert Preston gives in that

[1:34:44] that I find so funny.

[1:34:45] Like, he just knows what he's doing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:49] The only thing I will say about The Music Man is there's one song in it,

[1:34:52] you can probably guess which song it is, that I do not like.

[1:34:54] It's Ship Hoopy.

[1:34:55] The song that is basically about, like, if a girl's not interested in you,

[1:34:59] just keep pressing your case and eventually you'll win her over.

[1:35:01] And I don't like that song.

[1:35:02] I both don't like it as a song and I think it's gross.

[1:35:05] But otherwise, I like the rest of the movie a lot.

[1:35:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:08] Well, guys, I think this was fun.

[1:35:11] It's nice to see other human faces.

[1:35:12] Well, think about it, Dan, and see how you feel later.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:15] It's nice to see people out in the world.

[1:35:19] Yeah, I mean, you know, I've been sick for a couple of days,

[1:35:21] and I just thought, like, if I'm going to go, you know,

[1:35:26] I want to be telling dumbass jokes about Book Club with you guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:30] Yeah.

[1:35:31] Yeah.

[1:35:32] I think it's nice that we can still use modern technology

[1:35:36] to interact with each other,

[1:35:37] and I had a lot of fun talking with you guys about Book Club,

[1:35:41] and I apologize again for my comments

[1:35:43] about the incredibly attractive stars of Book Club.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:48] You know, do the usual stuff.

[1:35:50] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[1:35:51] Find other podcasts you might like.

[1:35:55] Look, you're pretty busy right now, I assume,

[1:35:57] so you don't have to, like, review or tweet about us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:00] Yeah, normally you would say, like,

[1:36:02] write us a review or tweet about us.

[1:36:03] I would say, like, right now, take that energy.

[1:36:05] Use it to take care of yourselves,

[1:36:07] to take care of your families,

[1:36:08] and, like, do what you can to help other people.

[1:36:10] If you see someone who needs help, help them as best you can.

[1:36:14] Don't worry about us.

[1:36:14] We'll be okay for a little bit.

[1:36:16] But also, if people are like,

[1:36:18] hey, what podcast should I listen to?

[1:36:19] Like, mention the Flophouse.

[1:36:20] But otherwise, like, focus on helping other people

[1:36:23] and taking care of yourselves

[1:36:23] and not on pumping us up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:25] Yeah, be safe.

[1:36:26] And if you're a MaxFun member,

[1:36:28] we just put up some new bonus content.

[1:36:31] So, you can check that out.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:33] Well, I guess that's it.

[1:36:36] Another classic Flophouse ending.

[1:36:39] Yeah, thank you for being with me, guys.

[1:36:41] And thank you for being with us, listeners.

[1:36:43] Until next time, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:36:45] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:36:47] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:36:48] Bye.

[1:36:58] MaximumFun.org

S6

[1:37:20] Comedy and culture.

[1:37:22] Artist owned.

[1:37:23] Audience supported.

Ep. #309 - Book Club

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