FH Mini 7 - Missed That Movie - GetEven

[0:00] All right, this is The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[0:06] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:08] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:09] And Dan, you wanted to follow the Stu bandwagon because he's a transseller.

Dan McCoy

[0:14] So this is a mini episode. We do these in the off weeks when we don't drop a full episode.

[0:20] And Stuart introduced a new segment last mini episode called Missed That Movie that I was quite sticking with.

[0:29] Catch That Kid.

[0:30] Yep, it was called Catch That Kid's Movie, Rusty, A Dog's Tale.

Stuart Wellington

[0:37] Now, Dan, I hate to interrupt all the flow you got spitting.

[0:42] But just letting you know, I only got two beers down here in this basement that I'm setting in to record this.

[0:49] So you got to wrap this bad boy up in two beers.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] Now, Stuart, you're in a basement. That's a below level room.

[0:58] What's another word for like a below level room?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01] I don't know. A well?

[1:04] No, like maybe one you'd find in like a castle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] Okay, like a dungeon?

[1:10] Is that possible? And like you're kind of a fanatic about the things you love.

[1:13] You know, like what's another word for like a fanatic or someone who's just kind of gets so excited about the stuff they love?

[1:19] A freak?

[1:21] Okay. And now in a dungeon.

[1:22] Oh, I already said castle earlier.

[1:24] I should have waited to use castle till now.

[1:26] Anyway.

[1:26] Oh, wow. Yeah.

[1:27] You're becoming the castle freak is what I'm saying.

[1:29] So your ding dong better watch out.

[1:31] Oh, man.

[1:32] Yep.

[1:33] Okay, well, that's over.

[1:34] Took us a while, but we got there.

Dan McCoy

[1:36] So, Stuart, how quickly would you say is a single beer consumption?

[1:42] What rate are we...

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] I mean, the thing is that you're going to have to watch my screen and watch how much of my beer I'm drinking.

[1:50] Just guess.

[1:50] And the better you're doing, the slower I'll be drinking.

Dan McCoy

[1:53] Okay, and I'll try and gauge the relative heaviness of the beer that you're lifting to your lips by how much strain I see.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01] And if you're doing a bad job, I'm going to be drinking it faster.

[2:04] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[2:05] Well, I better get started.

[2:06] Okay, so I watched a movie called Get Even.

[2:11] Now, that's all one word.

[2:12] Get Even.

Elliott Kalan

[2:13] Uh-huh.

[2:13] It's not Getting Even with Dad, starring Macaulay Culkin and Ted Danson.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] No, it is Get Even.

[2:19] And it is also known as Road to Revenge.

[2:22] I read an interview with the guy who did this.

[2:25] Apparently, there's a third...

[2:27] These are actually separate cuts of the movie under these two names.

Elliott Kalan

[2:30] Now, when you say the guy who did this, can we have some more...

[2:32] What was his role?

[2:33] I'm going to fucking get to this shit, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[2:36] Okay.

[2:36] I'm just saying...

Elliott Kalan

[2:37] I'm just saying usually someone would say, like, the director or the screenwriter, not the guy who did this.

Dan McCoy

[2:41] No, well, you'll see why the guy who did this.

[2:43] This is, in fact, the most appropriate way to refer to it.

[2:46] But there's also a third cut of this movie that's called, like, Champagne and Bullets or something, some bullshit like that.

[2:53] I didn't write it down because I did these notes before I read that interview.

[2:57] But the film...

[2:58] And the notes had locked themselves up.

[3:00] It was too late.

[3:01] The film stars John DeHart, who's also, also, Elliot, the writer, co-director, composer, and producer of this movie.

[3:11] So he is, in fact, the guy who did this.

[3:13] No, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] In film school, when they talk about an actor, writer, director, composer, the correct term is guy who did this.

[3:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:20] And it's John DeHart.

[3:23] John DeHart.

[3:24] John DeHart.

[3:25] So, obviously, he's a member of the Hart Foundation.

[3:28] So what's his relationship?

[3:29] Is he, like, the brother of Brett the Hitman Hart?

[3:32] Is he Owen Hart's child?

[3:34] Now, how are you spelling Hart?

[3:35] Is he Jimmy Anfield Neidhart?

Dan McCoy

[3:36] I mean, H-E-A-R-T?

[3:40] No, incorrect.

[3:41] This is John De space H-A-R-T.

[3:46] He used to be a lawyer.

[3:49] He was a lawyer at the time this movie was made.

[3:52] Maybe.

[3:52] The timeline is a little confusing, depending on what you read.

Stuart Wellington

[3:56] Was he disbarred?

[3:57] Was he disbarred during the course of the movie?

Dan McCoy

[3:59] He was definitely a lawyer after this movie.

[4:01] Whether he was a lawyer before is what's in question.

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] So you're saying you did not go into the public records that are available?

Dan McCoy

[4:09] No, I didn't.

[4:09] I didn't go into a what-if-penny-might-a-dinosaur sort of rabbit hole of madness and sexual intrigue

[4:17] to find out what's going on.

[4:19] But this also stars Wings Hauser, William Smith, and Playboy model Pamela Jean Bryant.

[4:28] And it may be reductive to refer to her that way,

[4:31] but that is definitely, I'm sure, 100% the reason why this guy cast her.

[4:35] Because this is a vanity project through and through,

[4:37] and there's a special type of bad movie, The Vanity Project,

[4:42] that is often a special flavor of bad,

[4:45] because it is an excuse for some person of questionable talents

[4:51] to live out their fantasies of being like an action star and kissing pretty people.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] So you're saying kind of what we would call the D'Angelo, the Frank D'Angelo way of movie making.

Dan McCoy

[5:06] It's a Frank D'Angelo.

[5:07] It's a bit of a Neil Breen, although he doesn't have the weird madness of a Neil Breen.

[5:12] He just seems like, he seems like just a dude who wanted to,

[5:17] he's like, I took some karate classes.

[5:19] I want to make an action movie.

Stuart Wellington

[5:21] It's kind of like every role-playing game I played in in high school.

[5:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] Dan, I'm surprised you're not mentioning that Pamela Jean Bryant was appeared in the movie H-O-T-S, Hots.

Dan McCoy

[5:32] I definitely would have if I had known.

[5:38] I introduced some friends to the film Joysticks recently,

[5:42] and I said that it's probably second only to Hots in my enjoyment of dumb 80s sex comedies.

Elliott Kalan

[5:49] I mean, Joysticks has King Vidiot in it,

[5:51] who is one of the greatest punk characters ever put on film.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Yes, played by the great John Grease,

[5:56] who you may remember from Real Genius or Terror Vision,

[6:01] or he was one of the CIA buddies in all three Taken movies.

[6:06] Joysticks, however.

Elliott Kalan

[6:07] I love the part in Joysticks where he goes into Joe Don Baker's house,

[6:10] and he comes through a window, and he goes,

[6:11] why don't you use the door?

[6:12] I hate doors.

[6:13] Well, take a chair.

[6:14] I hate chairs.

[6:15] And then he kicks a chair over.

[6:17] And he's like, I'll do your plan for you, evil rich man,

[6:20] but I want wheels.

[6:21] And he gives him those tiny little weird riding contraptions.

Dan McCoy

[6:25] Now, I know this isn't a Joysticks podcast, but I will say that.

[6:28] I will say, why is this not a Joysticks podcast?

[6:30] The two villains, the two so-called villains in Joysticks,

[6:34] are so much more sympathetic than the heroes,

[6:36] because the heroes are like a smug asshole frat guy

[6:41] who runs the arcade and uses it to hit on women.

[6:45] A would-be sort of party animal dude

[6:50] who actively encourages the nerd to molest the bad guy's wife

[6:59] in the worst scene in the movie,

[7:01] where they're breaking and entering into his home.

[7:03] And then just a nerd that is not a likable nerd,

[7:07] just kind of an off-putting, annoying nerd.

[7:11] But on the other hand, you have John Grease,

[7:13] who's totally fun,

[7:14] and Joe Don Baker, who's Joe Don Baker.

[7:16] I know which side I'm on.

[7:18] JDB.

[7:20] But we're not talking about Joysticks.

Elliott Kalan

[7:22] Yeah, the notorious JDB.

[7:23] Anyway, so we're talking about this other movie

[7:25] that has three names.

[7:26] Which name did you watch it under?

Dan McCoy

[7:29] I watched it under Get Even.

[7:31] Okay.

[7:32] And so let me get into the plot of this thing,

[7:34] such as I remember it.

[7:35] Now, you have to realize that

[7:37] as is part of our new world that we live in,

[7:40] I was watching this as part of a group watch

[7:43] that we were chatting during.

[7:45] Okay.

[7:46] So my notes are a little fuzzy

[7:49] between that and the fact that this movie

[7:53] defies logic and sense.

[7:57] Okay.

[7:57] So at the beginning,

[7:58] some dude who looks like Robert Evans

[8:00] or kind of like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's,

[8:03] like just combine those two.

[8:05] Identical twins.

[8:06] Yeah.

[8:06] I often get them confused.

[8:08] And they're both dead now.

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] So, you know, they're even more similar.

Stuart Wellington

[8:12] Yeah.

[8:12] When I started my VHS tape

[8:15] of Weekend at Bernie's in the middle,

[8:17] I was like,

[8:17] oh my God,

[8:18] what happened to movie mogul Robert Evans?

Dan McCoy

[8:23] But, so this guy shoots up some people in a house.

[8:27] And I think that the thing is that he's like corrupt

[8:30] and he shouldn't just like open fire on these guys.

[8:32] It's kind of unclear.

[8:33] But anyway,

[8:33] 10 years later.

[8:34] I mean, to be honest,

Elliott Kalan

[8:35] corrupt is a minor way of putting

[8:37] that someone shoots up a bunch of people in a house.

[8:40] I mean,

[8:41] if you're looking for the reason why he's not good after that,

[8:44] I think you're missing the forest for the trees.

[8:46] In this case,

Dan McCoy

[8:47] I'm making a distinction of intense, Elliot.

[8:50] Like, he may just be a bad cop.

Stuart Wellington

[8:52] Yeah.

[8:53] It's not like he's going to jail for gambling.

Elliott Kalan

[8:56] You're saying it's not one of those scenarios

[8:58] where he lost,

[8:59] it was like a fire hose in a cartoon

[9:00] and he just lost control of it

[9:01] and it was spraying all over the place.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] Well, I mean, you know,

[9:04] maybe he's just gun crazy and scared

[9:07] versus like he's eliminating people purposefully,

[9:11] let's say.

[9:12] But either way,

[9:13] he's going to be our bad guy.

[9:15] So, 10 years later,

[9:16] that corrupt cop is a corrupt judge.

[9:19] Okay.

[9:20] So, meanwhile,

[9:20] we meet our hero.

[9:22] He's got a mustache.

[9:24] He's an ex-cop

[9:25] and he sort of gives off this vibe

[9:27] if like a cowboy was like a middle-class dentist.

[9:31] And we first see him,

[9:34] we early,

[9:35] I don't know if it's we first see him,

[9:36] but early on,

[9:37] we see him hitting a bunch of punching bags

[9:39] like 30 times,

[9:41] but they're just from like,

[9:42] like the same three repeating angles,

[9:44] one of which is upside down.

[9:47] Oh, cool.

[9:48] Like they just flipped the film.

[9:50] They didn't like...

Elliott Kalan

[9:50] No, no, no.

[9:51] They flew to Australia for that shot.

[9:52] He wasn't.

Dan McCoy

[9:53] Well, he wasn't like on his like head

[9:56] when he was kicking his bags.

[9:57] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[9:59] So he's not a kickboxer,

[10:00] he's just a hand boxer.

[10:01] Yes.

[10:01] Or a punch boxer,

Dan McCoy

[10:02] I guess you'd call it.

[10:03] Our hero goes to this bar

[10:05] and he's reconnecting with his ex.

Stuart Wellington

[10:06] I think they do call it punch boxing

[10:08] when you use your fists, right?

[10:10] I think so, yeah.

[10:11] I mean, that's the only thing

Elliott Kalan

[10:12] that would make sense.

[10:13] If you look at the ticket,

[10:14] it says punch boxing

[10:16] because they don't want

[10:17] another football scenario

[10:18] where people use their hands

[10:19] much more than their feet

[10:20] in that game.

[10:21] It's just a poorly named game.

[10:23] Or baseball,

[10:23] where it's like,

[10:24] you're not hitting the ball

[10:25] with the bases.

[10:26] Or hockey,

[10:27] what is that?

[10:27] It's not even a,

[10:28] like it's not related

[10:29] to David Hockney's work,

[10:30] so I don't understand

[10:31] why you're calling it that.

Dan McCoy

[10:32] I thought that punch boxing

[10:36] referred to this type of boxing

[10:38] performed by Punchy,

[10:41] the Hawaiian punch pitchman.

[10:42] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Oh, you mean unlicensed boxing

[10:46] where the other person

[10:47] does not realize

[10:48] they're in a boxing match.

Dan McCoy

[10:48] Exactly.

[10:50] And they think

[10:50] they're agreeing to it.

[10:51] I mean, their only warning

[10:51] is someone asking them

[10:53] if they would like

[10:53] a nice Hawaiian punch.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] It's a strange ad campaign

[10:56] because what they're basically saying

[10:57] is if you ask for a product,

[10:59] you'll get punched in the face.

Stuart Wellington

[11:01] And it's not to be confused

[11:03] with what happens

[11:04] when my wife tells me

[11:05] to clean out our storage area

[11:07] and I just start punching boxes

[11:09] because that's punch boxing.

[11:11] Well, that's box punching.

[11:15] So anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[11:16] What did I say?

[11:18] Punch boxing is when you have,

[11:19] it's like a Punch and Judy show

[11:21] and it's puppets that box.

[11:22] Like those boxing nun puppets.

Stuart Wellington

[11:24] Oh, okay.

[11:25] That's when you take a punch doll

[11:27] and you put it in a box.

[11:28] Exactly.

[11:29] It's also called packing.

Dan McCoy

[11:31] So this guy is a kickboxer

[11:34] and a punch boxer.

[11:36] I mean, he's a kick punch boxer,

[11:38] which is really what

[11:38] kickboxing should be called

[11:40] because they do punch people.

[11:42] So there's that.

[11:43] That's not what the name sells me.

[11:44] But, so this guy is at a bar

[11:47] reconnecting with his ex

[11:48] and he sings a song

[11:49] at everyone's insistence.

[11:51] He gets up and sings with a band.

[11:53] He sings a song called

[11:54] The Shimmy Slide,

[11:55] which I read.

[11:59] It's the only song that he bought

[12:01] rather than wrote himself

[12:02] and it is obvious

[12:04] because it is the only one

[12:05] that shows any sort of understanding

[12:06] of songwriting.

[12:09] But, he sings the whole song

[12:11] and he like...

[12:13] It's a musical.

[12:14] His eyes...

[12:14] His eyes are kind of

[12:17] that sort of discomfort

[12:18] that like David Byrne's eyes have

[12:20] when he's singing Psycho Killer.

[12:22] But like that is a put on

[12:24] of a character he's doing

[12:25] whereas this guy

[12:25] just seems like

[12:27] he thinks that he should sing

[12:29] in a movie

[12:30] but doesn't know how to do it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:31] So, what I'm taking from you

[12:33] and correct me

[12:33] if I'm misinterpreting

[12:34] but I think I'm pretty dead on

[12:35] is you're saying that

[12:36] David Byrne is kind of a poser.

[12:38] He's not authentic.

[12:39] Whereas this guy

[12:40] is the real deal.

Dan McCoy

[12:43] I mean, yeah.

[12:43] This guy is sort of like...

[12:45] You know, it's like naive art.

[12:48] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[12:48] So, we know that this guy

[12:50] is like a badass warrior

[12:51] and he's got the heart of a poet.

[12:53] But, what does he do for work?

[12:55] Is he a cop?

[12:55] Do we know that?

[12:57] He's an ex-cop.

Dan McCoy

[12:57] Is he a claims adjuster?

[12:58] Oh, he's an ex-cop.

[12:59] Ex-cop.

[13:01] I think he has money

[13:03] for some reason

[13:04] but I forget what it is.

[13:06] Well, maybe he's a day trader

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] in addition to being an ex-cop.

[13:08] Or maybe he was a millionaire

[13:09] when he became a cop.

Stuart Wellington

[13:11] Maybe he won the McDonald's

[13:12] Monopoly game.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] Yeah, yeah.

[13:14] Maybe he sold his life story

[13:15] to a magazine.

[13:17] Like highlights for kids.

[13:19] He's goofus.

[13:20] He's goofus.

[13:21] And what's interesting

[13:23] is that Gallant

[13:24] actually...

[13:25] Gallant sold his life rights

[13:27] just for a lump sum

[13:28] whereas goofus went

[13:30] with the percentage.

[13:31] And is raking in money

[13:32] to this day.

[13:33] So in this case

[13:33] goofus really made

[13:34] the right decision

[13:35] and did the right thing.

[13:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:37] Yeah.

[13:37] I mean,

[13:37] Goofy did lose

[13:39] a little money

[13:40] when Goofy sued him

[13:42] for copyright infringement.

Elliott Kalan

[13:45] Yeah, but he had to sue him

[13:46] in ancient Rome

[13:47] because that's the only place

[13:47] where Goofy

[13:48] is pronounced Goofus.

[13:52] So it ended up being

[13:53] a wash for everybody involved.

[13:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:56] Well, anyway,

[13:56] some gang of evil cowboy

[13:59] shit kicker types

[14:01] come in

[14:01] and they start a fight.

Stuart Wellington

[14:02] And this movie's set

[14:03] in modern times, right?

Dan McCoy

[14:06] It's set in,

[14:07] like,

[14:08] I think it was made in 91.

Stuart Wellington

[14:10] So probably not in 2020.

[14:13] So it's set in those times.

Elliott Kalan

[14:15] It's set in 2020

[14:16] but they all have flying cars

[14:17] and headsets

[14:18] that allow them

[14:18] to control their shoe computers

[14:20] and things like that.

[14:21] And nobody is in quarantine.

Dan McCoy

[14:23] And I think it's at this point

[14:25] that his friend shows up,

[14:27] played by Wingshauser.

[14:28] His friend is named

[14:29] Huck Finley.

[14:32] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] Mark Twain can't sue him.

[14:34] Sorry.

[14:35] They learned from

[14:36] the Goofy v. Goofus case.

Dan McCoy

[14:38] Yeah.

[14:39] And it's really obvious

[14:40] that Wingshauser

[14:41] is improvising

[14:42] all of his lines.

[14:43] Like,

[14:44] you get the feeling

[14:45] that he's like,

[14:46] he knows that he's

[14:47] the only real actor on set

[14:48] so he's like,

[14:49] I can push these people around

[14:50] and do whatever I want.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] Now,

[14:52] do you think it was disappointing

[14:53] when Wingshauser,

[14:55] when they did the TV show Wings

[14:57] and he's like,

[14:58] I'm a shoo-in for this.

[14:59] I'm going to be the star.

[15:00] And then he didn't get

[15:01] the role that eventually

[15:02] went to,

[15:03] went to a TV's monk.

[15:06] Wings Daily.

Stuart Wellington

[15:08] Yeah.

[15:08] Well,

[15:08] that was the thing.

[15:09] He was like,

[15:10] Wings Weber.

[15:11] He's like,

[15:11] I've looked at the script

[15:13] and there's nobody

[15:13] playing the role of the hanger

[15:15] but me,

[15:16] Wingshauser.

[15:18] I'm a house for Wings.

[15:19] Of course,

Elliott Kalan

[15:20] I should be the hanger.

[15:21] I'm housing Wings

[15:22] and they're like,

[15:23] there's no,

[15:24] there's no hanger in the show.

[15:26] It all takes place

[15:26] like in the terminal.

Dan McCoy

[15:29] And then his friend

[15:29] was like eating

[15:31] like a lot of chicken wings

[15:32] at the same time.

[15:33] He's like,

[15:33] look at me,

[15:34] I'm housing Wings too

[15:35] and they all had

[15:36] a good laugh about it.

[15:37] Yeah.

[15:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] I mean,

[15:40] Wingshauser now,

[15:41] of course,

[15:42] works,

[15:42] we all know,

[15:42] as a Wings hoser,

[15:44] someone who washes off

[15:45] the barbecue sauce

[15:46] from Wings

[15:46] for people who don't want

[15:47] sauce on their wings.

Dan McCoy

[15:49] Now,

[15:49] what do yoga hosers do,

[15:51] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[15:52] My guess is that

[15:54] they make pantyhose

[15:56] for yoga.

[15:58] So,

[15:58] it's kind of like

[15:58] a stretchier pantyhose,

[16:00] either that

[16:00] or they hose off

[16:02] people who just did yoga.

[16:03] Like,

[16:03] they're really hot yoga.

[16:04] They just hose them off.

Stuart Wellington

[16:05] And then when they're done

[16:06] working,

[16:07] they go home

[16:07] to their rich parents

[16:08] who make movies.

Dan McCoy

[16:10] Okay.

[16:11] So,

[16:12] so,

[16:13] Mustache Hero

[16:13] and his...

[16:14] Now,

[16:14] wait,

Elliott Kalan

[16:14] I should mention

[16:15] that there is also

[16:16] a job,

[16:17] Cole Hoser,

[16:17] and you hose

[16:18] coleslaw off of plates

[16:19] when people don't want

[16:20] coleslaw.

[16:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] Anyway,

[16:22] so,

[16:23] our Hero

[16:24] and his ex...

Stuart Wellington

[16:25] We're Cole Hoser

[16:26] and Wingshauser related.

[16:27] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] Hero and his ex...

[16:30] I don't think they are,

[16:31] but you gotta assume it.

[16:32] But they're not,

[16:33] I don't think.

[16:34] Oh,

[16:34] no,

[16:35] wait,

[16:35] no.

[16:36] He,

[16:37] let's Cole Hoser

[16:37] is Wingshauser's son,

[16:39] according to Wikipedia.

[16:40] Oh,

[16:40] wow,

[16:40] that's great.

Dan McCoy

[16:42] The Hero

[16:43] and his ex

[16:43] have dinner,

[16:44] and the Hero

[16:45] tells a couple

[16:46] of sexist jokes

[16:47] to the waiter,

[16:48] and during this,

[16:49] the ex is,

[16:50] like,

[16:50] just gazing at him

[16:52] with so much love,

[16:54] just,

[16:54] like,

[16:54] fascinated by

[16:55] everything

[16:56] that is happening,

[16:58] and it,

[16:59] like,

[16:59] it really feels

[17:00] like,

[17:01] I don't know,

[17:01] like this,

[17:03] like a middle-aged man

[17:05] who has paid an escort

[17:06] who hates to be there.

[17:07] Like,

[17:08] that is,

[17:08] like,

[17:08] the vibe

[17:09] that is being given off

[17:10] in this relationship.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] Are we supposed to think

[17:12] the jokes are funny?

Dan McCoy

[17:13] I think so.

[17:14] I think that,

[17:15] so,

[17:16] speaking to

[17:16] the issue

[17:18] of Wingshauser

[17:18] improvising,

[17:19] this,

[17:20] this,

[17:20] interview I read,

[17:22] the,

[17:23] writer,

[17:24] director,

[17:25] producer,

[17:25] actor,

[17:26] he was saying,

[17:29] like,

[17:29] oh,

[17:29] yeah,

[17:29] Wings improvised

[17:30] all this stuff,

[17:31] but I didn't mind,

[17:32] because he always

[17:32] hit my jokes.

[17:33] He always hit my jokes.

[17:35] So,

[17:36] like,

[17:36] the jokes he was

[17:38] very proud of.

[17:38] I see Stuart has

[17:39] opened his second beer.

[17:40] Oh,

[17:41] boy,

[17:41] yeah.

[17:41] It's like the sword

[17:42] of Damocles

[17:43] over my head.

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] you might be running

[17:46] out of time here,

[17:46] Dan,

[17:47] you might want to

[17:47] speed it up

[17:47] on this one.

Dan McCoy

[17:49] Okay,

[17:50] so,

[17:51] the next day,

[17:52] I think,

[17:53] it's hard to judge

[17:54] time in this,

[17:55] in this movie,

[17:55] he's with his ex

[17:56] at his house,

[17:57] and she's like,

[17:58] hey,

[17:58] are you still

[17:59] trying out for

[17:59] acting parts?

[18:00] Because apparently,

[18:01] in addition to being

[18:02] an ex-cop,

[18:02] he was an ex-actor,

[18:04] and he says,

[18:04] he's been trying

[18:05] occasionally,

[18:06] and she's like,

[18:07] oh,

[18:07] you're using the

[18:08] same old audition

[18:08] monologue?

[18:09] And he starts

[18:10] doing it,

[18:11] and it's the goddamn

[18:12] to be or not to be

[18:13] soliloquy from Hamlet,

[18:15] which he reads.

[18:17] Go with the best.

[18:18] Go with the best,

[18:18] Dan.

[18:19] He reads basically

[18:20] all of,

[18:23] reading it in this way

[18:24] that like,

[18:25] reminds me of

[18:26] like,

[18:28] the best actor

[18:29] in high school

[18:30] who is reading

[18:32] like,

[18:34] Shakespeare,

[18:34] and he thinks

[18:34] that he's doing

[18:35] a really good job

[18:36] because he's like,

[18:38] declaiming,

[18:39] it in a very

[18:40] dramatic way

[18:41] and speeding up

[18:42] and slowing down,

[18:43] but there's no sense

[18:44] of understanding

[18:45] of what the text

[18:46] actually means

[18:47] or any emotion

[18:49] behind it.

[18:49] All I heard was

[18:50] you said he was

[18:50] the best actor.

[18:52] Okay.

[18:52] And now,

Elliott Kalan

[18:53] does he credit

[18:54] William Shakespeare

[18:54] with additional material?

Dan McCoy

[18:57] No,

[18:57] but there is a scene

[18:58] later on

[18:59] where Wingshauser

[19:00] is drunk

[19:00] and he's talking

[19:01] to like,

[19:01] some bad guys

[19:03] this man can talk

[19:04] Shakespeare.

[19:05] It's very important

[19:06] to him that this is

[19:07] a thing.

Stuart Wellington

[19:08] And he's talking

[19:09] about his friend

[19:09] and not just

[19:10] one of the bad guys,

[19:11] one of the henchmen

[19:12] who's like,

[19:12] so I'm Caliban,

[19:13] who cares?

[19:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:15] And I looked it up,

[19:16] this lawyer did

[19:17] direct a local

[19:19] production of Hamlet,

[19:21] so he feels

[19:21] Hamlet in his bones.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] Yeah,

[19:24] that's a pretty bad,

[19:24] I mean,

[19:25] they're working

[19:25] on a cure for that,

[19:26] but it's still,

[19:28] I mean,

[19:28] there's a treatment,

[19:28] but there's not a cure

[19:29] for when you feel

[19:30] Hamlet in your bones.

[19:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:32] I mean,

[19:33] it just,

[19:33] it keeps putting it off.

[19:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] They call it

[19:37] Denmark marrow.

[19:38] Anyway,

[19:38] Dan,

[19:38] continue.

Dan McCoy

[19:39] Which is different

[19:39] from Danish disease,

[19:41] which is when I can't

[19:41] stop eating these

[19:42] delicious Danish's.

[19:45] Anyway.

[19:46] Oh,

[19:46] God.

[19:46] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] boy.

[19:47] Oh.

[19:48] You performing at,

[19:49] like,

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] an old folks home

[19:50] later tonight,

[19:51] or?

Dan McCoy

[19:52] So,

[19:53] the ex talks about

[19:54] how that,

[19:55] you know,

[19:56] she had left him

[19:56] because he was a cop,

[19:58] and after that,

[19:59] she got mixed up

[20:00] with,

[20:00] of course,

[20:01] some Satan worshipers,

[20:03] who were led by the

[20:04] corrupt judge

[20:05] we learned before,

[20:06] we saw before.

[20:07] Thank God it ties

Elliott Kalan

[20:07] into the characters

[20:08] that we've already

[20:09] been aware of,

[20:09] and it's not like

[20:10] a side quest

[20:11] against Satanists.

Dan McCoy

[20:12] I mean,

[20:13] and this is like

[20:13] halfway through the movie

[20:14] at this point,

[20:16] too.

[20:16] I mean,

[20:16] we're more than

Elliott Kalan

[20:17] halfway through the beers

[20:18] at this point,

[20:19] so.

[20:19] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[20:20] So,

[20:21] she saw these

[20:22] Satan worshipers

[20:22] sacrifice a baby,

[20:24] so she ran away

[20:26] to hide.

[20:26] She's worried

[20:27] that they're gonna

[20:27] be after her.

Stuart Wellington

[20:30] I mean,

[20:30] I don't mean to,

[20:32] you know,

[20:33] I know I might

[20:34] make some people mad,

[20:35] but I think it's

[20:36] really bad

[20:37] when that happens.

[20:40] I kind of want

[20:41] to make a stand.

[20:42] Sacrificing babies.

[20:42] Hey,

[20:43] sure,

[20:43] we don't need

[20:43] your virtuous signaling

Elliott Kalan

[20:44] about how much

[20:45] you want babies

Stuart Wellington

[20:45] to not be sacrificed.

[20:47] You know,

[20:47] I think children

Elliott Kalan

[20:48] are our future guys.

Dan McCoy

[20:50] Our future guys

[20:51] and future girls,

[20:52] Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[20:53] They are our future guys.

[20:55] When you,

[20:56] when you,

[20:56] when you have

Dan McCoy

[20:56] And future non-conforming

[20:58] people,

[20:58] Stuart.

[20:59] Oh,

[20:59] wow,

[21:00] thank you,

[21:00] you've got me.

Elliott Kalan

[21:01] in New Jersey,

[21:02] as everyone knows,

[21:03] guys is a unisex term,

[21:04] and when you get

[21:05] a birth certificate,

[21:05] it does say future guy,

[21:07] it says name of future guy,

[21:09] date of birth,

[21:10] future guy.

[21:10] So,

[21:11] you know,

[21:11] he's totally right

[21:11] if we're in New Jersey

[21:12] right now,

[21:13] or any of us in New Jersey.

Dan McCoy

[21:14] I'm the closest.

[21:16] Well,

[21:16] you're,

[21:16] Stuart,

[21:17] well,

Elliott Kalan

[21:18] I don't know.

[21:19] I mean,

[21:19] you guys live

[21:19] so close together.

[21:21] It's not like he's...

Stuart Wellington

[21:22] Elliot,

[21:22] see,

[21:23] I look behind you

[21:24] in your office,

[21:24] and there's a giant wall

[21:26] hanging that is a painting

[21:27] of the outline

[21:29] of the state of New Jersey

[21:31] in the colors

[21:32] of the Italian flag,

[21:33] so I think you're closest.

Elliott Kalan

[21:35] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[21:35] I mean,

[21:35] that's because Jersey's

[21:36] in my heart,

[21:36] you know,

[21:37] I feel it in my bones,

[21:38] which again,

[21:38] there's a treatment for,

[21:39] but there's not a cure for right now

[21:41] when you feel Jersey

[21:41] in your bones.

Stuart Wellington

[21:42] And underneath that,

[21:43] that,

[21:44] that tapestry you have,

[21:46] it looks like there's a plate

[21:47] of offerings

[21:48] to some kind of New Jersey god.

[21:50] It's like Zeppelis

[21:51] and,

[21:52] like a cheesesteak.

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] We're,

[21:55] we're actually,

[21:55] deep fried Oreo.

[21:57] Yeah,

[21:57] and also,

[21:58] and also just something

[22:00] that says waiting online

[22:01] for tickets and sneakers.

[22:04] Just words and phrases

[22:05] we use in New Jersey.

[22:06] Mischief night

[22:07] and stuff like that.

[22:08] It's actually an offering

[22:09] not to a Jersey god,

[22:10] but to a Jersey devil.

Dan McCoy

[22:13] All right.

[22:13] Well,

[22:14] let's,

[22:14] let's move along

[22:16] back to get even.

[22:17] Okay,

[22:18] so,

Elliott Kalan

[22:18] so these Satanists

[22:19] have sacrificed a baby,

[22:20] which I gotta ask her,

[22:21] what did you think

[22:22] you were gonna get

[22:22] when you got mixed up

[22:23] with these Satanists?

[22:24] Like,

Dan McCoy

[22:25] she was confused,

[22:26] you know,

[22:26] she was alone.

[22:28] You know,

[22:29] let's not judge her

[22:30] after that.

[22:31] I mean,

[22:31] she did the right thing

[22:32] and left after the baby

[22:33] started getting sacrificed.

[22:34] she's not listening,

[22:35] Dan.

[22:36] She did,

[22:36] she did the right thing

Elliott Kalan

[22:37] and after witnessing

[22:38] a horrific crime

[22:39] and told nobody ever.

Dan McCoy

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:41] So,

[22:41] okay,

[22:41] and sometimes,

[22:42] somewhere in here

[22:43] they have sex

[22:44] and for the first scene

[22:45] it looks like

[22:46] she was,

[22:47] like,

[22:48] contractually told him

[22:49] not to touch her boobs

[22:50] at all

[22:50] because he's,

[22:51] like,

[22:52] doing,

[22:52] like,

[22:52] almost like there's

[22:53] a force field around her

[22:54] the whole time.

[22:55] Yeah.

[22:56] But then later on,

[22:57] you know,

[22:57] whatever.

[22:59] The whole time,

[23:00] though.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] I'm not sure what,

[23:02] that's both weirdly specific

[23:05] and weirdly general

[23:06] and abstract.

[23:06] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[23:07] the thing was,

[23:07] like,

[23:07] my theory was that,

[23:09] like,

[23:09] she had this

[23:10] no touching clause

[23:11] with this,

[23:13] like,

[23:13] weird dude,

[23:14] but then.

[23:14] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[23:15] you can't fool me.

[23:15] There ain't no

[23:16] no touching clause.

Dan McCoy

[23:18] But,

[23:19] then he's,

[23:20] like,

[23:20] rubbing ice on her

[23:20] in the next scene,

[23:21] so who knows.

[23:22] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[23:22] he certainly shouldn't

[23:23] touch her with claws.

[23:25] I mean,

[23:25] who is he,

[23:25] Freddy fucking Krueger?

[23:27] Oof.

Dan McCoy

[23:29] But,

[23:29] um,

[23:30] the whole time,

[23:31] uh,

[23:31] during this scene,

[23:32] he's also on the soundtrack

[23:34] singing a folk duet

[23:36] with a woman,

[23:37] and it's mixed,

[23:39] so,

[23:39] like,

[23:40] the soundtrack is

[23:41] as loud as any talking.

[23:43] Uh,

[23:44] meanwhile,

[23:45] there's a subplot

[23:46] that doesn't go anywhere

[23:48] and is the worst part

[23:49] of the movie by far.

[23:50] His friend Huck

[23:51] is drunk,

[23:52] and he hasn't been

[23:53] paying child support,

[23:56] but still somehow

[23:57] we're supposed to

[23:57] sympathize with this guy

[23:58] because his wife

[24:00] comes over

[24:00] and she,

[24:01] like,

[24:01] rips her shirt apart,

[24:02] like,

[24:03] exposing herself,

[24:04] and then goes outside

[24:05] and says the,

[24:06] tells the police

[24:07] that he assaulted her

[24:08] and he gets arrested.

[24:08] So that's the grossest,

[24:10] worst part of the movie,

[24:12] uh,

[24:13] uh,

[24:13] with this,

[24:14] like,

[24:14] fake accusation,

[24:17] but,

[24:17] uh,

[24:18] fortunately,

[24:19] that goes nowhere,

[24:20] so let's forget

[24:21] it ever happened.

Elliott Kalan

[24:21] Oh,

[24:22] God.

[24:22] Already did.

[24:23] Glad we mentioned it.

[24:25] I mean,

[24:25] legally,

[24:26] he had to,

[24:26] right?

[24:27] Legally.

[24:28] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[24:29] that's part of the curse

[24:31] he's laboring under.

[24:32] If he doesn't list

[24:33] every part of the movie,

[24:34] he's gonna have to

[24:35] spin his hair into gold.

Dan McCoy

[24:37] No,

[24:37] I do think that

[24:38] for this small subset

[24:40] of the listening audience

[24:41] that runs out

[24:42] and tries to find

[24:43] this movie afterwards,

[24:44] uh,

[24:45] you just should be aware.

[24:47] Um,

[24:47] they,

[24:48] you know,

[24:48] just maybe fast forward.

[24:49] Uh,

[24:50] so,

[24:51] somewhere in here,

[24:52] Huck gets out of jail.

[24:53] We see him in the pool

[24:54] with some women,

[24:55] like,

[24:56] wearing fully clothed.

[24:57] He's just standing in there.

[24:58] He rants,

[24:58] more improvised dialogue.

Elliott Kalan

[25:00] Now,

[25:00] fully clothed,

[25:00] you mean like wearing

[25:01] a business suit?

[25:02] Tuxedo?

Dan McCoy

[25:03] What is he?

[25:03] Like, uh,

[25:04] just like a button up

[25:05] and some jeans.

[25:05] Oh,

[25:07] just standing in the

[25:08] shallow,

[25:08] shallow end with some

[25:10] jeans on.

[25:10] Does he tuck his,

Stuart Wellington

[25:11] does he tuck his button

[25:12] down in or is he more like

[25:14] Sunday afternoon?

[25:14] No,

[25:14] no,

[25:15] this guy,

[25:15] he's a wild man.

Elliott Kalan

[25:16] Just got out of church,

[25:19] untuck that shit,

[25:21] get ready to relax.

[25:23] God's time is over,

[25:25] it is time for you.

[25:26] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[25:26] it's you and Chili's time,

[25:28] that's it.

[25:30] There's another sex scene

[25:31] on a bubble bath

[25:32] where he drinks champagne

[25:33] super lazily

[25:34] and there's more singing

[25:35] on the soundtrack

[25:36] of the same song.

[25:37] Now,

[25:37] when you say he,

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] which of the two

[25:38] despicable characters

[25:39] is it?

[25:41] Or is it the judge?

[25:42] No,

[25:42] the main guy.

[25:43] Okay,

[25:43] the main guy.

[25:43] So they get married.

[25:44] Mustache.

[25:45] And what's the guy's

[25:46] character's name

[25:46] with the mustache?

Dan McCoy

[25:48] I have no idea.

[25:49] Let's call him

[25:50] Stashy.

[25:52] Stashy,

[25:52] you got it.

[25:54] So he gets married

[25:56] to this old flame

[25:57] and he is wearing

[25:59] for the wedding

[26:00] a tracksuit

[26:01] with big stripes on it.

[26:03] This guy favors...

[26:04] Like he's a prisoner?

Stuart Wellington

[26:07] I'd describe that

[26:08] as a tracksuit.

Dan McCoy

[26:10] This guy favors

[26:11] kind of like

[26:12] big like

[26:13] polo

[26:15] sort of

[26:16] hockey jersey

[26:17] kind of shirts

[26:18] and then

[26:19] like leather pants

[26:21] together.

[26:21] He wears

[26:22] black leather pants

[26:23] with that.

[26:24] Interesting personal style.

Elliott Kalan

[26:26] So what it's from

[26:27] is like

[26:27] up top

[26:28] I'm a dad

[26:29] down below

[26:30] I'm a biker.

[26:33] It's like

[26:33] what if

[26:34] Lenny Kravitz

[26:35] grew up in like

[26:36] grew up in Philadelphia

[26:37] as like a Flyers fan?

Stuart Wellington

[26:39] Yeah,

[26:39] if Lenny Kravitz

[26:40] and Kevin Smith

[26:41] had a child.

Dan McCoy

[26:43] So

[26:43] the bad guys

[26:46] the bad cowboys

[26:48] from earlier

[26:48] I guess

[26:49] are connected

[26:50] with the Satanist

[26:50] somehow

[26:51] and they see

[26:51] the woman

[26:51] and so they

[26:53] chase the motorcycle

[26:54] that our two leads

[26:55] are on

[26:55] and it's a very

[26:56] slow car chase

[26:57] and then...

[26:58] A motorcycle chase.

[26:59] Yeah.

[27:00] Well,

[27:00] I mean one of them

[27:01] is in a car

[27:01] and one of them

[27:01] is in a motorcycle.

[27:02] I'm just using

[27:03] car chase

[27:03] to describe

[27:04] the genre

[27:04] of thing

[27:05] that we're

[27:06] talking about.

[27:07] Sure.

[27:07] A vehicle chase.

[27:08] Okay,

[27:08] yeah.

[27:09] And the woman

[27:10] either dies

[27:13] in an accident

[27:13] or maybe a shot

[27:16] because she has

[27:16] like a

[27:17] something that looks

[27:19] like a wound

[27:19] on her head

[27:20] in a very

[27:21] bullet-y way

[27:22] but I think

[27:23] she just crashed.

[27:24] I mean are they

[27:24] shooting at them?

[27:26] I think they are

[27:27] threatening them.

[27:29] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] Anyway,

[27:31] I think...

[27:31] This is Dan

[27:31] is making such

[27:32] a good argument

[27:33] against the use

[27:34] of eyewitnesses

[27:35] in court cases.

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:37] So,

Dan McCoy

[27:39] she's taken

[27:40] to the hospital

[27:41] where she dies

[27:42] and a young nun

[27:43] comforts our hero.

[27:45] Okay.

[27:45] So,

[27:46] at this point

[27:46] Audrey and I

[27:47] ate a mango

[27:48] so it's a little fuzzy

[27:50] because we went

[27:51] to the kitchen

[27:51] and we cut open

[27:52] a mango

[27:52] and we're eating it.

[27:54] Is that code

[27:55] or something?

[27:55] No,

[27:56] there's no code.

[27:58] Is that like

[27:58] a drug thing?

[27:59] Like,

[27:59] hey,

[27:59] I'm going to eat

[28:00] a mango,

[28:00] man.

[28:01] Cut it open.

[28:01] Just a delicious mango.

[28:03] Just,

[28:03] you know.

[28:03] Now,

[28:04] and I assume

[28:04] the mango

[28:04] was either so...

Elliott Kalan

[28:05] it was so large

[28:07] that it could not

[28:07] fit through the door

[28:08] between where the kitchen

[28:09] is and where the television

[28:10] is so you couldn't

[28:11] bring it back

[28:11] to the room

[28:12] where you were

[28:12] watching the movie?

Dan McCoy

[28:13] I know we did

[28:13] but it's,

[28:14] you know,

[28:14] like,

[28:14] I know you don't

[28:15] understand

[28:15] because you hate

[28:16] all fruit

[28:16] but a mango

[28:17] is a difficult

[28:18] fruit to prepare

[28:19] for eating.

[28:20] There's a lot

[28:21] of outside

[28:22] that needs

[28:24] to be pulled apart.

[28:25] You gotta like

[28:25] cut around.

[28:26] But it's clearly

[28:26] a two-man job.

Stuart Wellington

[28:28] And it requires

[28:29] a lot of cutting.

[28:30] You had to pull out

[28:31] your ceremonial

[28:32] daisho,

[28:33] use your katana

[28:34] and wakazashi

[28:35] to slice it

[28:36] into slightly

[28:37] smaller pieces.

[28:38] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[28:38] and this does

[28:39] remind me of the time,

[28:40] I forget what movie

[28:41] it was,

[28:41] when you said

[28:41] you were having

[28:41] trouble keeping track

[28:42] of it because

[28:43] you were folding

[28:43] laundry at the time.

Dan McCoy

[28:46] Anyway,

[28:47] so,

[28:48] well,

[28:48] I mean,

[28:48] also this movie

[28:49] is hard to keep

[28:50] track of because

[28:50] none of it makes

[28:51] sense.

[28:51] so,

[28:53] this is a little

[28:53] more fuzzy,

[28:54] but the guy

[28:54] wants revenge

[28:55] for his wife,

[28:55] so he takes

[28:56] the bad gang down,

[28:57] he fights the corrupt judge,

[28:58] and he burns down

[28:59] a building with

[29:00] the judge inside,

[29:01] and it all happens

[29:02] like really fast

[29:03] considering this is

[29:04] what the movie's

[29:05] been building toward

[29:06] and theoretically

[29:07] this is an action movie.

[29:10] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] who postulated

[29:12] that theory,

[29:13] that it was an action movie?

[29:14] Because it sounds

[29:15] like a musical to me.

[29:16] It sounds like

Dan McCoy

[29:16] a musical romance to me.

[29:17] You're not wrong,

[29:18] Elliot,

[29:19] but I mean,

[29:19] any movie that starts

[29:21] off with a man

[29:22] just like wailing

[29:23] on punching bags

[29:24] for a long time,

[29:25] I figure he's gonna

[29:25] have some bad action.

Stuart Wellington

[29:27] What's the poster

[29:29] look like?

[29:29] Describe the poster

[29:30] to me.

Elliott Kalan

[29:31] And if there isn't

[29:32] a real one,

[29:33] just design it for us

[29:34] then,

[29:35] design it for us.

[29:35] What would you

[29:36] make the poster?

Stuart Wellington

[29:37] Yeah,

[29:37] if you were trying

[29:38] to sell,

[29:38] get even to somebody.

Elliott Kalan

[29:40] Now,

[29:40] clearly you're putting

[29:40] that Jurassic Park

[29:41] skeleton Tyrannosaur

[29:42] on there just to get

[29:43] people in through the door.

[29:44] Yeah,

[29:45] yeah,

[29:45] yeah.

[29:45] Because that Tyrannosaur

[29:46] skeleton puts butts

[29:47] in seats.

[29:48] I don't know if you

[29:48] heard a little of a movie

[29:49] called Jurassic Park,

[29:50] but it was huge.

Dan McCoy

[29:52] I mean,

[29:52] I don't want to,

[29:54] I mean,

[29:55] like no one at home

[29:55] can see this,

[29:56] but I actually do feel

[29:57] like I have to

[29:58] really genuinely show

[30:00] you what it looks like

[30:01] if you look this.

[30:02] Okay,

[30:02] I see a blurry,

[30:03] I see a blurry phone screen.

[30:04] It looks like a,

Elliott Kalan

[30:05] it looks like a baseball card.

[30:07] Oh,

[30:08] shit.

[30:09] Dan,

[30:09] can you turn blur

[30:10] background off

[30:11] on your skin?

[30:12] Okay,

[30:12] I'll turn blur background off.

[30:12] grab up.

[30:12] I think that's what's

[30:13] really getting in the way here.

[30:16] Here,

[30:16] take a look at this,

[30:17] but first let me turn

[30:18] Hailstorm on.

Dan McCoy

[30:22] Yeah,

[30:22] sorry.

[30:23] Here,

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] let me,

[30:23] I have this painting

[30:24] I want you to look at.

[30:25] First let me smear

[30:25] chicken grease

[30:26] all over your glasses.

Dan McCoy

[30:27] How do you turn it off?

[30:29] Oh boy.

[30:30] Oh no.

[30:33] Choose background effects.

[30:36] Yes.

[30:36] None.

[30:37] Okay.

[30:38] Oh man,

[30:38] now I'm going to see like

Stuart Wellington

[30:40] Samara from the ring

[30:41] crawling out of the back

[30:42] of Dan's bookcase.

[30:43] Whoa.

[30:43] Wow,

[30:44] it does look very collagey.

[30:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:48] So does she wear that outfit

[30:49] in the movie?

[30:50] The outfit that Ellie

[30:52] was talking about

[30:53] is some thigh highs

[30:55] with a garter,

[30:56] you know,

[30:57] like the lingerie top.

[30:58] She's sort of bent over.

[30:59] She does not wear this

[31:00] in the movie.

[31:01] The hero is looking

[31:03] like maybe he's sort of a...

[31:07] He's fucking jacked.

[31:08] Well,

[31:09] but he's got this look

[31:10] in his eye

[31:10] like maybe he's like

[31:11] sort of a fringe militia guy

[31:13] who got woken up

[31:14] in the middle of the night

[31:15] and thinks shit's going down.

[31:17] He has the kind of look

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] you see on a,

[31:20] if you ever go to a barbershop

[31:21] in a suburban town,

[31:23] not the best barbershop in town,

[31:24] one of the more middling ones,

[31:25] and you're looking at the like

[31:26] poster of different hairstyles

[31:28] and it's clear

[31:29] that they couldn't get

[31:29] like the really fancy

[31:31] poster of hairstyles.

[31:33] Like that guy could be on that.

Stuart Wellington

[31:34] He has a look on his face

[31:36] like somebody just put

[31:37] Hank Williams Jr.

[31:39] ketchup on my blue jeans

[31:40] on the fucking jukebox

[31:42] I'm going to beat some ass.

Dan McCoy

[31:44] Yeah,

[31:44] and we are talking about

[31:45] the picture

[31:47] that is associated

[31:48] with this film on IMDb

[31:51] under the title

[31:51] Road to Revenge.

[31:52] So if you want to see

[31:54] what we're talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] Let me see it again, Dan.

[31:55] Can you hold it up

[31:56] to the camera again?

[31:57] I mean, who am I talking?

[31:58] I say knowing that I could

[31:59] look it up on my computer

[32:00] and there's no reason

[32:01] to read over it.

[32:02] Yeah, why don't you

Stuart Wellington

[32:02] just slap that on a birthday cake

[32:06] for me and send it over?

Elliott Kalan

[32:08] Now, who's that?

[32:08] In the lower right-hand corner,

[32:09] it looks like Hitler

[32:10] is holding a gun.

Dan McCoy

[32:14] There's a,

[32:14] I think that is the bad guy.

[32:17] Well, if it's Hitler,

[32:17] then it certainly is, Dan.

[32:19] You shouldn't have

[32:19] to think about it.

[32:20] No, he's the,

[32:21] I mean, the bad guy

[32:22] in the movie.

[32:23] He kind of,

[32:23] yeah, he does kind of

[32:24] look like Hitler

[32:24] crossed with Charles Bronson here.

[32:26] Okay, sure.

[32:28] Anyway.

[32:30] Arguably,

Stuart Wellington

[32:30] both of them have problems

[32:31] with minorities.

Dan McCoy

[32:33] We're not,

[32:34] so we haven't gotten

[32:35] to the best.

[32:35] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[32:36] Charles Bronson's characters

Dan McCoy

[32:37] in the Death Wish movies.

[32:39] Yeah, you don't mean

[32:39] Charles Bronson himself.

[32:40] Yeah.

[32:41] Let's get to the finale,

[32:43] the grand finale of this.

[32:44] Oh, so the finale

[32:45] is not when he burns down

[32:46] the building

[32:46] with the bad guy in it?

[32:47] There's a denouement

[32:48] after the climax,

[32:50] and that is that

[32:51] the nun comes

[32:52] and she visits the hero

[32:54] at the grave of his wife,

[32:55] and she is, like,

[32:56] really super insistent

[32:57] on getting a ride

[32:58] back to the hospital.

[33:00] Like, you know,

[33:01] he's like,

[33:02] oh, I'd like to stay

[33:03] with my dead wife.

[33:04] He's like, no, no,

[33:04] you gotta take me

[33:05] back to the hospital.

[33:06] And it really is kind of like,

[33:08] all right, back off, nun.

[33:09] But it turns out

[33:10] that the reason

[33:11] she wants this ride

[33:12] so bad

[33:12] is that she's got

[33:13] a big surprise

[33:14] at the hospital.

[33:15] The hero's wife

[33:16] is not dead.

[33:18] The police just made her

[33:19] pretend to be dead

[33:20] because killers

[33:20] were looking for her.

[33:22] So he killed

[33:23] all these people

[33:23] in revenge,

[33:26] but she was still alive.

[33:27] So is he gonna face

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] any charges for this,

[33:29] or?

Dan McCoy

[33:30] I don't think so.

[33:32] They seem to be

[33:32] pretty happy

[33:34] and just go on

[33:35] about with their lives.

[33:37] But wait,

Elliott Kalan

[33:38] so they had a funeral

[33:39] and everything

[33:39] with a tombstone?

Dan McCoy

[33:40] Yeah, that's the thing.

[33:41] There is a grave.

Stuart Wellington

[33:43] I mean,

[33:43] you're gonna need

[33:44] more than one tombstone

[33:45] to feed a whole funeral.

Elliott Kalan

[33:50] If you get a large

[33:52] and it's a small funeral,

[33:53] maybe, I don't know.

[33:53] Get the fuck out of here.

Dan McCoy

[33:54] The thing about these

[33:56] vanity project movies

[34:00] is they often have

[34:02] some really kind of

[34:04] unpleasant elements

[34:05] where the guy behind it

[34:07] is working through

[34:08] some things or whatever,

[34:09] or uses it as a chance

[34:12] to have love scenes

[34:14] with women he finds attractive

[34:17] or whatever.

[34:19] And so there are

[34:20] these off-putting elements,

[34:21] but I would make a pitch

[34:23] that these movies also,

[34:25] because of the fact

[34:27] that these vanity projects

[34:28] are just kind of

[34:30] one step away

[34:31] from being a parody

[34:33] of male ego.

[34:36] Like, you watch this movie

[34:38] and it could be,

[34:40] it could have been written,

[34:41] I think, as a comedy

[34:42] about a man

[34:43] who is like,

[34:44] like, just this mediocre dude

[34:46] who thinks he's the greatest.

Stuart Wellington

[34:49] Yeah, I think somewhere

[34:50] Vincent Gallo

[34:51] is listening to our podcast

[34:52] that motherfucker.

[34:54] He got there first.

[34:55] He did it.

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] I guess what you're saying,

[34:57] Dan,

[34:57] is there's a very thin line

[34:58] between parody

[34:59] of the male ego

[35:00] and expression

[35:00] of the male ego.

[35:01] Yes.

[35:02] Like, the purest expression

[35:03] of the male ego

[35:03] enters the realm

[35:04] of caricature.

Dan McCoy

[35:06] Of ridiculousness,

[35:07] which this movie

[35:08] definitely does.

[35:09] Well, like,

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] and like a movie like,

[35:11] what,

[35:11] Under the Silver Lake,

[35:12] I think,

[35:13] takes that concept

[35:14] and plays with it

[35:16] and makes fun of it.

[35:17] So much so

[35:17] that it ends up

[35:18] being off-putting

[35:20] to many people.

[35:21] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[35:22] I have to say,

[35:23] I got about 15 minutes

[35:25] into that

[35:26] and I was like,

[35:27] I'm gonna save this

[35:27] for another time.

[35:29] It was,

[35:30] like,

[35:30] I was like,

[35:31] I don't really know

[35:31] what he's getting at here.

Stuart Wellington

[35:33] But yeah,

[35:34] I mean,

[35:34] that's basically it.

[35:35] It's like,

[35:36] you know,

[35:36] it's like a,

[35:37] almost like a parody

[35:38] of an L.A. noir.

[35:39] I see.

[35:40] And it plays on the,

[35:41] like,

[35:42] the concept of,

[35:42] like,

[35:43] male entitlement

[35:43] and the male ego,

[35:44] but it does it

[35:45] so much so

[35:46] that it is off-putting.

Dan McCoy

[35:50] So guys,

[35:51] what were the made-up

[35:52] categories we came up with?

[35:54] Glad you missed it.

[35:55] Glad you missed it.

[35:56] Sad you missed it.

[35:57] Had to not miss it.

[35:58] Had to go un-miss it.

Stuart Wellington

[36:01] Yeah.

[36:02] Had to go un-miss it.

[36:03] Well,

[36:03] I mean,

[36:04] I was kind of divided

[36:05] until I saw that

[36:06] fucking poster, dude.

[36:09] I don't know

[36:09] if I can spin up

[36:10] that CD.

[36:11] I want to take that,

[36:12] I want to take that

[36:14] DVD box,

[36:15] which I'm sure

[36:15] is one of those

[36:16] cardboard jobbies

[36:17] with the weird

[36:18] plastic thing

[36:18] that you gotta snap

[36:19] and, like,

[36:20] open the cardboard up.

[36:21] I mean,

[36:21] my guess is

Elliott Kalan

[36:22] this is the kind

[36:22] of movie

[36:22] where the DVD

[36:23] comes in a paper sleeve

[36:25] with a little

[36:25] plastic window on it.

Stuart Wellington

[36:28] A little plastic window

[36:29] and, like,

[36:30] a post-it

[36:30] with a heart.

Dan McCoy

[36:32] Like,

[36:32] I don't know

[36:33] where this came from.

[36:33] One of those blockbuster

[36:34] guaranteed entertainment

[36:36] stickers,

[36:36] like,

[36:37] half ripped off.

Elliott Kalan

[36:37] But the title

[36:38] of the movie

[36:38] is written in Sharpie

[36:39] on the disc itself?

Stuart Wellington

[36:46] You know,

[36:47] it sounds a little bit

[36:48] like I'm sad

[36:49] we missed it,

[36:50] but it also seems like,

[36:51] I don't know,

[36:52] it's,

[36:52] you know,

[36:53] maybe I'm gonna

[36:56] have to go un-miss it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:59] This is actually,

[37:00] this is a movie

[37:01] I had heard,

[37:01] I've never seen,

[37:02] but I've heard about before.

[37:03] And, Dan,

[37:04] you've made me want to

[37:06] finally experience it

[37:06] for myself,

[37:07] although it does

[37:08] sound terrible.

Dan McCoy

[37:09] Yeah.

[37:10] It is,

[37:11] but I've seen,

[37:12] you know,

[37:12] a fair amount

[37:13] of, like,

[37:13] these, like,

[37:13] bad movie nights

[37:14] with friends lately,

[37:15] and this is one

[37:17] that everyone

[37:17] seemed to thoroughly enjoy.

[37:20] So,

[37:20] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[37:22] Okay,

[37:23] so we did it, guys.

[37:24] And,

[37:25] I got a little bit

[37:26] of this old brewski left,

[37:27] so let's get real,

[37:29] all right?

[37:29] Oh, God.

[37:30] Let's talk about

[37:31] some personal beefs.

[37:33] Oh, let's not.

Dan McCoy

[37:36] So,

[37:36] I guess that

[37:37] that's the end

[37:37] of our little

[37:38] Flophouse mini.

[37:39] Thanks for,

[37:40] joining us again

[37:41] next week.

[37:43] We'll have

[37:43] a full-length episode,

[37:45] but until then,

[37:46] I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[37:47] I've been Stuart Wellington,

[37:49] a representative

[37:50] of the MaxFun Podcast Network.

[37:53] Wait,

[37:54] I'm Ellie Kalin,

[37:55] who I guess

[37:55] is not a representative

[37:57] of the MaxFun Podcast Network?

[37:59] No,

[37:59] I mean,

[38:00] I just don't have

[38:00] any cool credits,

[38:01] so I thought

[38:02] I'd give myself one.

[38:05] Bye, everyone.

S4

[38:09] Strange planets,

[38:14] curious technology,

[38:17] and a fantastic vision

[38:18] of the distant future.

[38:20] Featuring Martin Starr.

[38:22] So we're going on

[38:23] day 14.

[38:24] Shuttle still hasn't come.

[38:25] Aparna Nancherla.

Elliott Kalan

[38:26] The security system

[38:27] provides you

[38:28] with emotional security.

[38:29] You do the rest.

S4

[38:31] Echo Kellum.

[38:32] Can you disconnect me

[38:33] or not?

[38:33] Hurry,

[38:34] Kondabolu.

[38:34] I'm staying.

[38:35] From Hitchhiker's Guide

[38:36] to the Galaxy,

[38:37] Jeffrey McGivern.

Stuart Wellington

[38:38] Could you play

[38:39] Cindy Lauper's Girls

[38:40] Just Want to Have Fun?

S4

[38:42] It's The Outer Reach.

[38:44] Stories from Beyond.

[38:48] Now available for free

[38:49] at MaximumFun.org

[38:51] or anywhere you listen.

[38:57] Welcome.

[38:58] Thank you.

[38:59] No problem.

[38:59] These are real podcast listeners,

[39:02] not actors.

[39:03] What do you look for

[39:04] in a podcast?

[39:05] Reliability is big for me.

[39:07] Power.

Elliott Kalan

[39:08] I'd say comfort.

[39:10] What do you think of this?

[39:13] Oh.

[39:15] That's Jordan Jesse Go.

[39:16] Jordan Jesse Go?

[39:17] They came out of the floor?

Dan McCoy

[39:19] And down from the ceiling?

[39:21] That can't be safe.

[39:23] I'm upset.

[39:24] Can we go, Dal?

[39:25] Soon.

S4

[39:26] Jordan Jesse Go.

[39:29] A real podcast.

FH Mini 7 - Missed That Movie - GetEven

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