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FH Mini 7 - Missed That Movie - GetEven

mini May 16, 2020 00:39:41
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Transcript

[0:00] Alright, this is The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.
[0:07] I'm Stuart Wellington.
[0:08] And I'm Elliot Kalin. And Dan, you wanted to follow the Stu Bandwagon because he's a transsexual.
[0:14] Yeah. So this is a mini-episode. We do these in the off weeks where we don't drop a full episode.
[0:20] And Stuart introduced a new segment last mini-episode called Missed That Movie that I was quite taken with.
[0:29] Catch That Kid.
[0:31] Yep, it was called Catch That Kid's Movie, Rusty, A Dog's Tale.
[0:37] Now, Dan, I hate to interrupt all the flow you got spitting.
[0:41] But just letting you know, I only got two beers down here in this basement that I'm sitting in to record this.
[0:49] So you got to wrap this bad boy up in two beers for us.
[0:53] Now, Stuart, you're in a basement. That's a below-level room.
[0:58] What's another word for a below-level room?
[1:01] A well?
[1:05] No, maybe one you'd find in a castle.
[1:08] Okay, like a dungeon?
[1:10] Possible. And you're kind of a fanatic about the things you love.
[1:13] What's another word for a fanatic or someone who just gets so excited about the stuff they love?
[1:19] A freak?
[1:21] Okay, and now in a dungeon – oh, I already said castle earlier.
[1:24] I should have waited to use castle until now.
[1:26] Anyway, you're becoming the castle freak is what I'm saying, so your ding-dong better watch out.
[1:31] Oh, man.
[1:33] Okay, well, that's over.
[1:34] Took us a while, but we got there.
[1:36] So, Stuart, how quickly would you say is a single beer consumption?
[1:42] What rate are we –
[1:44] I mean, the thing is that you're going to have to watch my screen and watch how much of my beer I'm drinking.
[1:50] Just guess.
[1:51] And the better you're doing, the slower I'll be drinking.
[1:54] Okay, and I'll try and gauge the relative heaviness of the beer that you're lifting to your lips by how much strain I see.
[2:01] And if you're doing a bad job, I'm going to be drinking it faster.
[2:05] Oh, no.
[2:06] Well, I better get started.
[2:07] Okay, so I watched a movie called Get Even.
[2:11] Now, that's all one word, Get Even.
[2:14] It's not Getting Even with Dad starring Macaulay Culkin and Ted Wilson.
[2:17] No, it is Get Even, and it is also known as Road to Revenge.
[2:22] I read an interview with the guy who did this.
[2:25] Apparently, there's a third – these are actually separate cuts of the movie.
[2:29] Now, when you say the guy who did this, can we have some more – what was his role?
[2:33] I'm going to fucking get to this shit, Elliot.
[2:36] I'm just saying.
[2:37] I'm just saying usually someone would say, like, the director or the screenwriter, not the guy who did this.
[2:41] No, well, you'll see why the guy who did this is in fact the most appropriate way to refer to it.
[2:46] Okay.
[2:47] But there's also a third cut of this movie that's called, like, Champagne and Bullets or something – some bullshit like that.
[2:53] I didn't write it down because I did these notes before I read that interview.
[2:57] But the film –
[2:58] And the notes had locked themselves up.
[3:00] It was too late.
[3:01] The film stars John DeHart, who is also – also, Elliot – the writer, co-director, composer, and producer of this movie.
[3:11] So he is, in fact, the guy who did this.
[3:13] No, you're right.
[3:14] In film school, when they talk about an actor, writer, director, composer, the correct term is guy who did this.
[3:19] Yeah, and it was – it's John DeHart.
[3:22] John DeHart.
[3:24] John DeHart.
[3:25] So obviously he's a member of the Hart Foundation.
[3:28] So what's his relationship?
[3:29] Is he, like, the brother of Brett the Hitman Hart?
[3:32] Is he Owen Hart's child?
[3:34] Now, how are you spelling Hart?
[3:36] I mean H-E-A-R-T?
[3:40] No, incorrect.
[3:41] This is John D-E space H-A-R-T.
[3:47] He used to be a lawyer.
[3:50] He was a lawyer at the time this movie was made, maybe.
[3:53] The timeline is a little confusing depending on what you read.
[3:56] Was he disbarred?
[3:58] Was he disbarred during the course of the movie?
[4:00] He was definitely a lawyer after this movie.
[4:02] Whether he was a lawyer before is what's in question.
[4:05] So you're saying you did not go into the public records that are available.
[4:09] No, I didn't.
[4:10] I didn't go into a what-if-penny-might-a-dinosaur sort of rabbit hole of madness
[4:16] and sexual intrigue to find out what's going on.
[4:20] But this also stars Wings Houser, William Smith, and Playboy model Pamela Jean Bryant.
[4:29] And it may be reductive to refer to her that way,
[4:31] but that is definitely, I'm sure, 100% the reason why this guy cast her
[4:36] because this is a vanity project through and through,
[4:38] and there's a special type of bad movie, The Vanity Project,
[4:42] that is often a special flavor of bad because it is an excuse for some person of questionable talents
[4:52] to live out their fantasies of being like an action star and kissing pretty people.
[5:00] So you're saying kind of the – what we would call the D'Angelo, the Frank D'Angelo.
[5:07] It's a bit of a Neil Breen although he doesn't have like the weird madness of a Neil Breen.
[5:12] He just seems like just a dude who wanted to – he's like, I took some karate classes.
[5:19] I want to make an action movie.
[5:21] It's kind of like every role-playing game I played in in high school.
[5:25] Yeah.
[5:26] Dan, I'm surprised you're not mentioning that Pamela Jean Bryant was appeared in the movie H.O.T.S., Hots.
[5:33] I definitely would have if I had known.
[5:38] I introduced some friends to the film Joysticks recently and I said that it's probably second only to H.O.T.S.
[5:46] in my enjoyment of dumb 80s sex comedies.
[5:49] I mean Joysticks has King Vidiot in it who is one of the greatest punk characters ever put on film.
[5:54] Yeah, played by the great John Gries who you may remember from Real Genius or Terror Vision or he was one of the CIA buddies in all three Taken movies.
[6:05] Joysticks, however –
[6:07] I love the part in Joysticks where he goes into Joe Don Baker's house and he comes through a window.
[6:11] He goes, why don't you use the door?
[6:12] I hate doors.
[6:13] Take a chair.
[6:14] I hate chairs.
[6:15] I think he kicks a chair over and he's like, I'll do your plan for you, evil rich man, but I want wheels.
[6:21] And he gives him those tiny little weird riding contraptions.
[6:24] Now, I know this isn't a Joysticks podcast, but I will say –
[6:27] Why is this not a Joysticks podcast?
[6:30] The two villains, the two so-called villains in Joysticks are so much more sympathetic than the heroes because the heroes are like a smug asshole like frat guy who runs the arcade and uses it to hit on women.
[6:45] A would-be sort of party animal dude who actively encourages the nerd to molest the bad guy's wife in the worst scene in the movie where they're breaking in and entering into his home.
[7:03] And then just a nerd that is not a likable nerd, just kind of an off-putting annoying nerd.
[7:11] But on the other hand, you have John Grease who's totally fun and Joe Don Baker who's Joe Don Baker.
[7:16] So I know which side I'm on.
[7:18] JDB.
[7:19] But we're not talking about Joysticks.
[7:22] You have the notorious JDB.
[7:23] Anyway, so we're talking about this other movie that has three names.
[7:26] Which name did you watch it under?
[7:28] I watched it under Get Even.
[7:31] OK.
[7:32] And so let me get into the plot of this thing such as I remember it.
[7:35] Now you have to realize that as is part of our new world that we live in, I was watching this as part of a group watch that we were chatting during.
[7:45] OK.
[7:46] So my notes are a little fuzzy between that and the fact that this movie defies logic and sense.
[7:56] OK.
[7:57] So at the beginning, some dude who looks like Robert Evans or kind of like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's, like just combine those two.
[8:05] Identical twins.
[8:06] Yeah.
[8:07] I often get them confused.
[8:08] And they're both dead now.
[8:09] So they're even more similar.
[8:12] Yeah.
[8:13] When I started my VHS tape of Weekend at Bernie's in the middle, I was like, oh, my God.
[8:18] What happened to movie mogul Robert Evans?
[8:24] So this guy shoots up some people in a house, and I think that the thing is that he's corrupt and he shouldn't just open fire on these guys.
[8:32] It's kind of unclear.
[8:33] But anyway, ten years later.
[8:34] I mean, to be honest, corrupt is a minor way of putting that someone shoots up a bunch of people in a house.
[8:40] I mean, if you're looking for the reason why he's not good after that, I think you're missing the fars for the trees.
[8:47] In this case, I'm making a distinction of intense.
[8:50] Like he may just be a bad cop.
[8:53] Yeah.
[8:54] It's not like he's going to jail for gambling.
[8:56] You're saying it's not one of those scenarios where he lost.
[8:59] It was like a fire hose in a cartoon, and he just lost control of it, and it was spraying all over the place.
[9:04] Well, I mean, maybe he's just gun crazy and scared versus like he's eliminating people purposefully, let's say.
[9:13] But either way, he's going to be our bad guy.
[9:15] So ten years later, that corrupt cop is a corrupt judge.
[9:19] Okay.
[9:20] So meanwhile, we meet our hero.
[9:22] He's got a mustache.
[9:24] He's an ex-cop, and he sort of gives off this vibe if like a cowboy was like a middle class dentist.
[9:31] And we first see him.
[9:34] I don't know if it's we first see him, but early on we see him hitting a bunch of punching bags like 30 times.
[9:41] But they're just from like the same three repeating angles, one of which is upside down.
[9:47] Oh, cool.
[9:48] Like they just flipped the film.
[9:50] No, no, no.
[9:51] They flew to Australia for that shot.
[9:53] Well, he wasn't like on his like head when he was kicking these bags.
[9:58] Oh, okay.
[9:59] He's not a kickboxer.
[10:00] So he's just a hand boxer, or a punch boxer, I guess you'd call it.
[10:04] Our hero goes to this bar and he's reconnecting with his ex.
[10:06] I think they do call it punch boxing when you use your fists, right?
[10:10] I think so, yeah.
[10:11] I mean, that's the only thing that would make sense.
[10:13] If you look at the ticket, it says punch boxing, because they don't want another football scenario
[10:18] where people use their hands much more than their feet in that game.
[10:21] It's just a poorly named game.
[10:23] Or baseball, where it's like you're not hitting the ball with the bases.
[10:26] Or hockey, what is that?
[10:28] It's not related to David Hockney's work, so I don't understand why you're calling it
[10:31] that.
[10:32] I thought that punch boxing referred to this type of boxing performed by Punchy, the Hawaiian
[10:41] punch pitchman.
[10:44] You mean unlicensed boxing where the other person does not realize they're in a boxing
[10:48] match?
[10:49] Exactly.
[10:50] And they think they're agreeing to it.
[10:51] I think their only warning is someone asking them if they would like a nice Hawaiian punch.
[10:55] It's a strange ad campaign, because what they're basically saying is if you ask for
[10:58] a product, you'll get punched in the face.
[11:02] And it's not to be confused with what happens when my wife tells me to clean out our storage
[11:07] area, and I just start punching boxes, because that's punch boxing.
[11:11] Well, that's box punching.
[11:14] So anyway.
[11:15] What did I say?
[11:18] Punch boxing is when you have, it's like a Punch and Judy show, and it's puppets that
[11:22] box.
[11:23] Like those boxing nun puppets.
[11:24] Oh, okay.
[11:25] That's when you take a punch doll and you put it in a box.
[11:29] It's also called packing.
[11:31] So this guy is a kick boxer and a punch boxer.
[11:36] I mean, he's a kick punch boxer, which is really what kick boxing should be called,
[11:41] because they do punch people.
[11:42] So there's that.
[11:43] That's not what the name tells me.
[11:46] So this guy is at a bar reconnecting with his ex, and he sings a song at everyone's
[11:50] insistence.
[11:52] a band.
[11:53] He sings a song called The Shimmy Slide, which I read, it's the only song that he bought
[12:01] rather than wrote himself.
[12:03] And it is obvious because it is the only one that shows any sort of understanding of songwriting.
[12:09] But he sings the whole song, and he like, his eyes are kind of that sort of discomfort
[12:18] that like David Byrne's eyes have when he's singing Psycho Killer, but like that is a
[12:23] put on of a character he's doing, whereas this guy just seems like he thinks that he
[12:29] should sing in a movie but doesn't know how to do it.
[12:31] Okay.
[12:32] So what I'm taking from you, and correct me if I'm misinterpreting, but I think I'm pretty
[12:35] dead on, is you're saying that David Byrne is kind of a poser, he's not authentic, whereas
[12:39] this guy is the real deal.
[12:43] I mean, yeah, this guy is sort of like, you know, it's like naive art, you know?
[12:49] So we know that this guy's like a badass warrior, and he's got the heart of a poet, but what
[12:54] does he do for work?
[12:55] Is he a cop?
[12:56] Do we know that?
[12:57] He's an ex-cop.
[12:58] Is he a claims adjuster?
[12:59] Oh, he's an ex-cop.
[13:00] Okay.
[13:01] Ex-cop.
[13:02] I think he has money for some reason, but I forget what it is.
[13:06] Well, maybe he's a day trader in addition to being an ex-cop, or maybe he was a millionaire
[13:10] when he became a cop.
[13:11] Maybe he won the McDonald's Monopoly game.
[13:14] Maybe he sold his life story to a magazine, like highlights for kids.
[13:19] He's Goofus.
[13:20] He's Goofus.
[13:22] And what's interesting is that Gallant actually, Gallant sold his life rights just for a lump
[13:28] sum, whereas Goofus went with the percentage, and is raking in money to this day.
[13:33] So in this case, Goofus really made the right decision and did the right thing.
[13:36] Yeah.
[13:37] I mean, Goofy did lose a little money when Goofy sued him for copyright infringement.
[13:44] Yeah, but he had to sue him in ancient Rome, because that's the only place where Goofy
[13:48] is pronounced Goofus.
[13:49] So it ended up being a wash for everybody involved.
[13:55] Yeah.
[13:56] Well, anyway, this gang of evil cowboy shit-kicker types come in and they start a fight.
[14:02] And this movie's set in modern times, right?
[14:06] It's set in, like, I think it was made in 91.
[14:11] So probably not in 2020, but it's set in those times.
[14:15] It's set in 2020, but they all have flying cars and headsets that allow them to control
[14:19] their shoe computers and things like that.
[14:21] And nobody is in quarantine.
[14:23] And I think it's at this point that his friend shows up, played by Wingshauser.
[14:29] His friend is named Huck Finley.
[14:31] Oh, Moth Twain can't sue him, sorry.
[14:36] They learned from the Goofy v. Goofus case.
[14:38] Yeah.
[14:39] And it's really obvious that Wingshauser is improvising all of his lines.
[14:44] You get the feeling that he knows that he's the only real actor on set, so he's like,
[14:49] I can push these people around and do whatever I want.
[14:51] Now, do you think it was disappointing when Wingshauser, when they did the TV show Wings,
[14:57] and he's like, I'm going to shoo in for this, I'm going to be the star, and then he didn't
[15:01] get the role that eventually went to a TV's monk.
[15:06] Wings Daily.
[15:07] Yeah, well, that was the thing.
[15:09] He was like-
[15:10] Wings Weber.
[15:11] He's like, I've looked at the script and there's nobody playing the role of the hangar, but
[15:16] me, Wingshauser, I'm a house for wings, of course I should be the hangar.
[15:21] I'm housing wings.
[15:23] And they're like, there's no hangar in the show.
[15:26] It all takes place in the terminal.
[15:29] And then his friend was eating a lot of chicken wings at the same time.
[15:33] He's like, look at me, I'm housing wings too, and they all had a good laugh about it.
[15:37] Yeah.
[15:38] Yeah.
[15:39] I mean, Wingshauser now, of course, works, we all know, as a wings hoser.
[15:44] Someone who washes off the barbecue sauce from wings for people who don't want sauce
[15:48] on their wings.
[15:49] Now, what do yoga hosers do, Elliot?
[15:53] My guess is that they make pantyhose for yoga.
[15:57] So it's kind of like a stretchier pantyhose, either that, or they hose off people who just
[16:02] did yoga, like really hot yoga.
[16:06] And then when they're done working, they go home to their rich parents who make movies.
[16:10] Okay.
[16:11] So mustache hero and his-
[16:14] Now wait, I should mention that there is also a job, coal hoser, and you hose coleslaw off
[16:18] of plates when people don't want coleslaw, yeah.
[16:22] Anyway, so our hero and his-
[16:25] Wait, are Kohlhauser and Wingshauser related?
[16:28] Okay.
[16:29] Hero and his ex-
[16:30] I don't think they are, but you've got to assume it.
[16:33] But they're not, I don't think.
[16:34] Oh, no, wait, no, Kohlhauser is Wingshauser's son, according to Wikipedia.
[16:40] Oh, wow.
[16:41] That's great.
[16:42] The hero and his ex have dinner, and the hero tells a couple of sexist jokes to the waiter,
[16:49] And during this, the ex is just gazing at him with so much love, just fascinated by
[16:55] everything that is happening.
[16:58] And it really feels like, I don't know, like a middle-aged man who has paid an escort who
[17:07] hates to be there.
[17:08] That is the vibe that is being given off in this relationship.
[17:11] Are we supposed to think the jokes are funny?
[17:13] I think so.
[17:15] So speaking to the issue of Wingshauser improvising, this interview I read, the writer, director,
[17:25] producer, actor, he was saying like, oh, yeah, Wings improvised all this stuff, but I didn't
[17:31] mind because he always hit my jokes.
[17:33] He always hit my jokes.
[17:35] So the jokes, he was very proud of.
[17:38] I see Stewart has opened his second beer.
[17:40] Oh, boy, yeah.
[17:41] It's like the sword of Damocles over my head.
[17:45] You might be running out of time here, Dan.
[17:47] You might want to speed it up on this one.
[17:49] Okay.
[17:50] So the next day, I think, it's hard to judge time in this movie.
[17:55] He's with his ex at his house, and she's like, hey, are you still trying out for acting parts?
[18:00] Because apparently, in addition to being an ex-cop, he was an F actor, and he says he's
[18:05] been trying occasionally, and she's like, oh, you're using the same old audition monologue?
[18:10] And he starts doing it, and it's the goddamn to be or not to be soliloquy from Hamlet,
[18:16] which he reads.
[18:17] Hey, go with the best.
[18:18] Go with the best, Dan.
[18:19] He reads basically all of, and he's reading it in this way that reminds me of the best
[18:28] actor in high school who is reading Shakespeare, and he thinks that he's doing a really good
[18:35] job because he's, like, declaiming it in a very dramatic way and speeding up and slowing
[18:43] down, but there's no sense of understanding of what the text actually means or any emotion
[18:49] behind it.
[18:50] All I heard was you said he was the best actor.
[18:51] Okay.
[18:52] Anyway.
[18:53] And now, does he credit William Shakespeare with additional material?
[18:56] No, but there is a scene later on where Wings Houser is drunk, and he's talking to, like,
[19:02] some bad guys, and he's like, this man can talk Shakespeare.
[19:05] It's very important to him that this is a thing.
[19:08] And he's talking about his friend and not just one of the bad guys, one of the henchmen
[19:12] who's like, so I'm Caliban.
[19:14] Who cares?
[19:15] Yeah.
[19:16] And I looked it up.
[19:17] This lawyer did, like, direct a local production of Hamlet, so he feels Hamlet in his bones.
[19:23] Yeah.
[19:24] That's a pretty bad.
[19:25] I mean, they're working on a cure for that, but it's still, I mean, there's a treatment,
[19:28] but there's not a cure for when you feel Hamlet in your bones.
[19:31] Yeah.
[19:32] I mean, it just, it keeps putting it off.
[19:35] Yeah.
[19:36] Yeah.
[19:37] They call it Denmark marrow.
[19:38] Anyway, Dan, continue.
[19:39] Which is different from Danish disease, which is when I can't stop eating these delicious
[19:43] Danishes.
[19:44] Anyway.
[19:45] Oh, God.
[19:46] Oh, boy.
[19:47] Oh.
[19:48] Are you performing at, like, an old folks' home later tonight, or?
[19:52] So the ex talks about how that, you know, she had left him because he was a cop, and
[19:58] after that, she got mixed.
[20:00] with, of course, some Satan-worshippers
[20:03] who were led by the corrupt judge we saw before.
[20:07] Thank God it ties into the characters that we've already been aware of. It's not like a side quest against Satanists.
[20:12] I mean, and this is like halfway through the movie at this point, too.
[20:15] I mean, we're more than halfway through the beers at this point.
[20:20] So she saw these Satan-worshippers sacrifice a baby,
[20:25] so she ran away to hide. She's worried that they're going to be
[20:28] after her. I mean, I don't mean to, you know,
[20:34] I know I might make some people mad, but I think it's really bad when that happens.
[20:41] I kind of want to make a stand. Hey, Stuart, we don't need your virtual signaling about how much you want babies to not be sacrificed.
[20:47] You know, I think children are our future guys. Our future guys and future girls, Stuart.
[20:53] They are our future guys. And future non-conforming people, Stuart.
[20:59] Oh, wow. Thank you. You got me. In New Jersey, as everyone knows, guys is a unisex term.
[21:04] And when you get a birth certificate, it does say future guy. It says name of future guy, date of birth, future guy.
[21:10] So, you know, he's totally right if we're in New Jersey right now or any of us in New Jersey.
[21:14] I'm the closest. Well, no, you're, Stuart, well, I don't know.
[21:19] I mean, you guys live so close together. It's not like he's...
[21:22] Elliot, see, I look behind you in your office and there's a giant wall hanging that is a painting of the outline of the state of New Jersey in the colors of the Italian flag.
[21:33] So, you know, you're closest. I mean, that's because Jersey's in my heart.
[21:36] You know, I feel it in my bones, which, again, there's a treatment for, but there's not a cure for right now when you feel Jersey in your bones.
[21:42] And underneath that tapestry you have, it looks like there's a plate of offerings to some kind of New Jersey god.
[21:50] It's like Zeppoles and like a cheesesteak, deep fried Oreo.
[21:57] Yeah, and also and also just something that says waiting online for tickets and sneakers, just words and phrases we use in New Jersey, mischief night and stuff like that.
[22:08] It's actually an offering not to a Jersey god, but to a Jersey devil.
[22:14] Well, let's let's move along back to get even.
[22:17] OK, so the Satanists have sacrificed a baby, which I got to ask her.
[22:21] What did you think you were going to get when you got mixed up with these Satanists?
[22:24] Like she was confused, you know, she was alone.
[22:28] You know, let's not judge her after that.
[22:31] I mean, she did the right thing and left after the baby sacrifice.
[22:35] She did. She did the right thing.
[22:37] And after witnessing a horrific crime and told nobody ever.
[22:40] Yeah. So, OK.
[22:41] And sometimes somewhere in here they have sex.
[22:44] And for the first scene, it looks like she was contractually told him not to touch her boobs at all because he's like, like, like doing like it, like almost like there's a force field around her the whole time.
[22:56] But then later on, you know, whatever the whole time, though, I'm not sure what that's both weirdly specific and weirdly general.
[23:06] I mean, the thing was, like, my theory was that, like, she had this no touching clause with this like weird, weird dude.
[23:14] But then you can't fool me.
[23:15] There ain't no no touching.
[23:18] But then he's like rubbing ice on her in the next scene.
[23:21] So who knows? But he certainly shouldn't touch her with claws.
[23:25] I mean, who is he?
[23:25] Freddy fucking Krueger.
[23:27] But the whole time during this scene, he's also on the soundtrack singing a folk duet with a woman and it's mixed.
[23:39] So, like, the soundtrack is as loud as any talking.
[23:44] Meanwhile, there's a subplot that doesn't go anywhere and is the worst part of the movie by far.
[23:50] His friend, Huck, is drunk and he has been paying child support.
[23:56] But still somehow we're supposed to sympathize with this guy because his wife comes over and she like rips her shirt apart, like exposing herself and then goes outside and tells the police that he assaulted her and he gets arrested.
[24:08] So that's the grossest, worst part of the movie with this, like, fake accusation.
[24:17] But fortunately, that goes nowhere.
[24:20] So let's forget it ever happened.
[24:22] Already did.
[24:23] Glad we mentioned it.
[24:25] I mean, legally, he had to, right?
[24:26] Legally.
[24:29] I mean, that's part of the curse he's laboring under.
[24:32] If he doesn't list every part of the movie, he's going to have to spin his hair into gold.
[24:37] No, I do think that for this small subset of the listening audience that runs out and tries to find this movie afterwards, you just should be aware.
[24:48] You know, just maybe fast forward.
[24:50] So somewhere in here, Huck gets out of jail.
[24:53] We see him in the pool with some women, like, wearing fully clothed.
[24:57] He's just standing in there.
[24:58] He rants more improvised dialogue.
[25:00] Now, fully clothed, you mean like wearing a business suit, tuxedo?
[25:03] What is it?
[25:03] Like, just like a button up.
[25:05] A parka?
[25:07] Just standing in the shallow end with some...
[25:11] Does he tuck his button down in or is he more like Sunday afternoon?
[25:14] No, no, this guy, he's a wild man.
[25:16] Yeah.
[25:18] Just got out of church.
[25:19] Untuck that shit.
[25:21] Get ready to relax.
[25:23] God's time is over.
[25:24] It is time for you.
[25:26] Yeah, it's you and Chili's time.
[25:28] That's it.
[25:30] There's another sex scene on Bubble Bath where he drinks champagne super lazily and there's more singing on the soundtrack of the same song.
[25:36] Now, when you say he, which of the two despicable characters is it?
[25:40] Or is it the judge?
[25:42] No, the main guy.
[25:43] Okay.
[25:43] So they get married.
[25:45] And what's the guy's character's name with the mustache?
[25:48] I have no idea.
[25:49] Let's call him Stashy.
[25:52] Stashy gets married to this old flame and he is wearing for the wedding a tracksuit with big stripes on it.
[26:03] This guy favors...
[26:04] Like he's a prisoner?
[26:08] I'd describe that as a tracksuit.
[26:10] This guy favors kind of like big like polo sort of hockey jersey kind of shirts and then like leather pants together.
[26:21] He wears like black leather pants with that.
[26:23] It's an interesting personal style.
[26:25] So what it's like up top, I'm a dad.
[26:29] Down below, I'm a biker.
[26:33] It's like what if Lenny Kravitz grew up in Philadelphia as like a Flyers fan?
[26:39] Yeah, if Lenny Kravitz and Kevin Smith had a child.
[26:43] So the bad guys, the bad cowboys from earlier, I guess are connected with the Satanists somehow
[26:51] and they see the woman and so they chase the motorcycle that our two leads are on.
[26:55] And it's a very slow car chase.
[26:57] A motorcycle chase.
[26:59] Yeah.
[27:00] Well, I mean, one of them's in a car, one's in a motorcycle.
[27:02] I'm just using car chase to describe the genre of thing that we're talking about.
[27:06] Sure.
[27:07] Vehicle chase.
[27:08] Yeah.
[27:09] And the woman is either dies in an accident or maybe a shot.
[27:16] She has like something that looks like a wound on her head in a very bully way.
[27:22] But I think she just crashed.
[27:24] I mean, are they shooting at them?
[27:27] I think they are threatening them.
[27:28] So anyway, I think.
[27:31] This is Dan is making such a good argument against the use of eyewitnesses in court cases.
[27:38] So she's taken to the hospital where she dies and a young nun comforts our hero.
[27:45] OK.
[27:45] So at this point, Audrey and I ate a mango.
[27:48] So it's a little fuzzy because we went to the kitchen and we cut open a mango and we're eating
[27:53] it.
[27:54] Is that code or something?
[27:55] No, there's no no code.
[27:58] Is that like a drug thing?
[27:59] Like, hey, I want to eat a mango, man.
[28:01] Just a delicious mango.
[28:02] Just, you know.
[28:03] Now, and I assume one of the top fruits.
[28:06] It was so large that it could not fit through the door between where the kitchen is and where
[28:10] the television is.
[28:10] So you couldn't bring it back to the room where you were watching the movie did.
[28:13] But, you know, like I know you don't understand because you hate all fruit, but a mango is a
[28:17] difficult fruit to prepare for eating.
[28:20] There's a lot of outside that needs to be pulled apart.
[28:25] You got to like, it's clearly a two man job.
[28:28] And yeah, it requires a lot of it requires a lot of cutting.
[28:30] You had to pull out your ceremonial die show.
[28:33] Use your katana and Wakazashi to slice it into slightly smaller pieces.
[28:38] Yeah.
[28:38] And this this does remind me of the time I forget what movie it was when you said you
[28:41] were having trouble keeping track of it because you were folding laundry at the time.
[28:46] Anyway, so well, I mean, also, this movie is hard to keep track of.
[28:50] It doesn't make sense.
[28:51] But so this is a little more fuzzy, but the guy wants revenge for his wife.
[28:55] So he takes the bad gang down.
[28:57] He fights the corrupt judge and he burns down a building with the judge inside and all happens
[29:02] really fast considering this is what the movie's been building toward.
[29:06] And theoretically, this is an action movie.
[29:10] I mean, who posted who postulated that theory that it was an action movie?
[29:14] Because it sounds like a musical to me.
[29:16] It sounds like a musical romance to me.
[29:17] You're not wrong, Elliot.
[29:19] But I mean, any movie that starts off with a man just like wailing on punching bags for
[29:24] a long time, I think you're going to have some action.
[29:27] What's what's the what's the poster look like?
[29:29] Describe the poster to me.
[29:31] And if there isn't a real one, just design it for us, then design it for us.
[29:35] What would you make?
[29:37] Yeah, you're trying to sell.
[29:38] Get even to somebody.
[29:40] Now, clearly, you're putting that Jurassic Park skeleton Tyrannosaur on there just to
[29:43] get people in through the door.
[29:44] Yeah, because that Tyrannosaur skeleton puts butts in seats.
[29:48] I heard a little of a movie called Jurassic Park, but it was huge.
[29:51] I mean, I don't want to I mean, like no one at home can see this, but I actually do feel
[29:57] like I have to really genuinely.
[30:00] what it looks like if you look this up
[30:30] oh no uh choose background effects uh yes none okay oh man now i'm gonna see like samara from
[30:40] the ring crawling out of the back of dan's bookcase whoa wow it does look very collagey
[30:47] yeah so does she wear that outfit in the movie the outfit is uh ellie was talking about is
[30:54] some thigh highs with a garter um you know like the lingerie top she's sort of bent over she does
[30:59] not wear this in the movie the hero is looking um like maybe he's sort of uh he's fucking jacked
[31:08] well but he's got this look in his eye like maybe he's like sort of a fringe militia guy
[31:13] who got woken up in the middle of the night uh and thinks shit's going down he has he has the
[31:18] kind of look you see on uh if you ever go to a barbershop in a suburban town not the best
[31:23] barbershop in town one of the more middling ones and you're looking at the like poster of different
[31:27] hairstyles and it's clear that they couldn't get like the really fancy poster of hairstyles
[31:32] like that guy could be on that he has a look on his face like somebody just put
[31:37] hank williams jr ketchup on my blue jeans on the fucking jukebox and he's like i'm gonna beat some
[31:42] ass yeah and we we are talking about the um the the picture that is associated with this film on
[31:50] imdb under the title road to revenge so if you uh want to see what we're talking about let me see
[31:55] it again dan can you hold it up to the to the camera again i mean who am i talking i say knowing
[31:58] that i could look it up on my computer and there's probably a picture yeah why don't you why don't
[32:02] you just slap that on a uh why don't you just slap that on a birthday cake for me and send it over
[32:07] now who's that in the lower right hand corner it looks like hitler is holding a gun uh uh there's
[32:14] a i think that is the bad guy well if it's hitler then it certainly is dan you shouldn't have to
[32:19] think about it no he's the i mean the bad guy in the movie he kind of yeah he does kind of look
[32:24] like hitler crossed with charles bronson here okay sure um anyway uh arguably both of them have
[32:31] problems with minorities we're not so we haven't gotten to the best i mean charles bronson's
[32:36] characters his characters in the death wish movies yeah you don't need charles bronson himself yeah
[32:41] let's get to the finale the grand finale of this oh so the finale is not when he burns down the
[32:45] building with the bad guy in it there's there's a denouement uh after the climax and that is that
[32:50] the nun comes and she visits the hero at the grave of his wife and she is like really super
[32:56] insistent on getting a ride back to the hospital like you know like he's like uh i'd like to stay
[33:03] with my dead wife he's like no no uh you gotta take me back to the hospital and it really is
[33:07] kind of like all right back off nun but it turns out that the reason she wants this ride so bad
[33:12] is that she's got a big surprise at the hospital the hero's wife is not dead the police just made
[33:18] her pretend to be dead because killers were looking for her so he killed all these people
[33:24] in revenge but she was still alive so is he gonna face any charges for this or i don't think so they
[33:32] seem to be pretty happy and just go on about with their lives and uh but wait so he had a funeral
[33:38] and everything with a tombstone yeah that's the thing there is a there's a grave i mean you're
[33:43] gonna need more than one tombstone to feed a whole funeral
[33:50] so have you got a large and it's a small funeral maybe i don't know
[33:54] the thing about these uh the thing about these um vanity projects movies is they often have some
[34:02] like really kind of unpleasant elements where like the guy behind it is working through some
[34:08] things or whatever or like uses it as a chance to like have love scenes with uh women he finds
[34:17] attractive or whatever and it's there's so there's these off-putting elements but i would make a
[34:22] pitch that these movies also um because of the fact that they're the event these vanity projects
[34:28] are just kind of one step away from being a parody of of male ego like you watch this movie
[34:38] and it could be it could have been written i think as a comedy about a man who is like like
[34:44] just this mediocre dude who thinks he's the greatest yeah i think somewhere vincent gallo
[34:50] is listening to our podcast and he's like that motherfucker he got there first i guess what
[34:56] you're saying dan is there's a very thin line between parody of the male ego and expression
[35:00] of the male ego yes like the purest expression of the male ego enters the realm of of caricature
[35:06] of ridiculousness which this movie definitely does well like and like a movie like uh what
[35:11] under the silver lake i think takes that concept and plays with it and makes fun of it so much so
[35:17] that it ends up uh being off-putting to many people yes i have to say i i start i got about
[35:24] 15 minutes into that and i was like i'm gonna save this for another time it was like it was
[35:30] all i was like i don't really know what he's what he's getting at here but yeah i mean that's
[35:34] basically it it's like you know it's like a almost like a parody of an la noir and it plays
[35:41] on the like the concept of like male entitlement and the male ego but it doesn't so much so that
[35:46] it is off-putting um so guys what were the made-up uh categories we came up with glad you missed it
[35:54] glad you missed it or you had to go on miss it yeah had to go and miss it well i don't know i
[36:03] mean i was kind of divided until i saw that fucking poster dude i don't know if i can spin
[36:10] up that uh cd i want to take that uh i want to take that dvd box which i'm sure is one of those
[36:16] cardboard jobbies with the weird plastic thing that you got to snap and like open the cardboard
[36:21] i mean my guess is this is the kind of movie where the dvd comes in a in a paper sleeve with a
[36:25] little little plastic window on it a little plastic window and like a post-it with a heart
[36:31] like i don't know where this came from one of those blockbuster guaranteed entertainment
[36:36] stickers like half ripped off but the title of the movie is written in sharpie on the disc itself
[36:42] uh i don't know uh you know it sounds a little bit like uh i'm sad we missed it
[36:49] but it also seems like i don't know it's you know it
[36:53] uh maybe i'm gonna have to go on this is actually this is a movie i had heard i've never seen but
[37:00] i've heard about before and dan you've you've made me want to finally experience it for myself
[37:06] although it does sound terrible yeah it is but i've i've seen you know a fair amount of like
[37:11] these like bad movie nights uh with friends lately and this is one that everyone uh seemed to
[37:16] thoroughly enjoy so you know uh okay so we did it guys and i got a little bit of this old
[37:24] brewski left so let's get real all right oh god let's talk about some personal beefs oh let's
[37:33] um so i guess that that's the end of our little flop house mini thanks for uh joining us again
[37:39] uh next week we'll have a full-length episode but until then i've been dan mcclure and i'm
[37:46] i've been dan mccoy i've been stewart wellington a representative of the max fun podcast network
[37:53] i'm ellie caylan who i guess is not a representative of the max fun podcast network
[37:59] no i mean i just don't have any cool credits so i thought i'd give myself
[38:05] bye everyone
[38:06] um strange planets curious technology and a fantastic vision of the distant future
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[38:37] mcgiver could you play cindy lauper's girls just want to have fun it's the outer reach stories
[38:45] from beyond now available for free at maximumfun.org or anywhere you listen
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Description

Dan joins in the missed movie fun with his report on "Geteven" (yes, all one word) AKA "Road to Revenge," a passion project that's more passion than project.

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