Ep. #312 - Sonic the Hedgehog

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Sonic the Hedgehog.

[0:05] The movie that finally answers the question.

[0:08] So if you had to make a movie about Sonic the Hedgehog, like, what would you do?

[0:13] Like, how would you do that?

[0:15] Where would you even start to make a movie about Sonic the Hedgehog?

[0:18] This movie answers the question.

[0:21] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:50] Oh, hey there, Dan McCoy, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:53] Hey guys, Elliot Kaelin here from a little place I call Heaven,

[0:57] aka my house stuck inside all the time with a six-year-old and an almost two-year-old.

[1:02] It's amazing.

[1:04] Okay, everyone's cracking up.

[1:06] And also, as a guest this week, we have Jamal Bowie.

[1:14] He is a columnist for the New York Times.

[1:17] You may have seen him on television talking about serious stuff, and now he's here to talk about Sonic the Hedgehog.

[1:24] If I could say very briefly, Jamal, before you start talking, I just want to say I've been an admirer of your writing for a very long time.

[1:31] I'm a subscriber to your newsletter, which if anyone is interested in trenchant thoughts on politics and history and recipes and also photographs of old buildings, then this is the newsletter for you.

[1:43] But you're someone who's – you're a piercing mind who has a lot to say about the issues of the day, so that's why we needed you to come on for our Sonic the Hedgehog episode.

[1:53] I'm ready to bring ten years of writing experience and deep thought to the question of a blue animated hedgehog.

[2:02] Wait, he was animated?

[2:05] Oh, boy, Stuart.

[2:07] Don't –

[2:08] First things first.

[2:09] Don't shatter the illusion.

[2:11] I think you have summed up the entire personality of Sonic as depicted in this movie.

[2:16] He is blue.

[2:18] But I believe what you mean to say, Dan, to extrapolate further from that statement is that he is blue, dab-a-dee-dab-a-die, dab-a-dee-dab-a-die, dab-a-dee-dab-a-die.

[2:29] Oh, disclaimer.

[2:31] If Stuart seems like he's bringing a different energy to the podcast, it's because he's standing up.

[2:37] Oh, yeah.

[2:38] It's also because my quarantine mustache is threatening to strangle me at this point.

[2:46] Now, Dan, normally on this show we watch a bad movie and talk about it, but would you say that this movie fits that category?

[2:53] I mean it is the second highest grossing movie of 2020.

[2:58] Jesus.

[2:59] That is the year that the movie theaters all shut down.

[3:02] Because Sonic.

[3:04] Even still, even still, that sounds insane to me.

[3:08] Who were the throngs of people who went out there who were screaming, give us Sonic, give us Sonic?

[3:14] Well, it's strange because those same people were screaming, give us Sonic, but also screaming, don't give us Sonic with real human teeth and animal eyes.

[3:21] We don't want that.

[3:23] I don't know.

[3:24] Based on the internet, I am pretty sure everyone wanted a Sonic movie, although they wanted one where he was pregnant.

[3:30] Possibly by Tails.

[3:33] Who knows?

[3:34] That would have been the mystery of the movie.

[3:35] Was it Tails or Knuckles that did the deed?

[3:37] But then also, of course, Tails would die and Sonic would grieve him because that seems to be the other main fan art is Sonic characters grieving each other.

[3:45] Yeah, and also sometimes they're Christians.

[3:48] Yeah.

[3:49] Yeah, sometimes.

[3:50] Yeah, well, that was in the movie.

[3:51] You just had to read between the lines.

[3:52] Now, Jamel, do you have much of a history with Sonic the Hedgehog or the Sega Genesis gaming platform?

[3:57] I do.

[4:00] Very formal question.

[4:04] So when I was a kid, we weren't much of a Nintendo house.

[4:09] We were definitely a Sega house.

[4:10] So my dad had bought a Sega Master System and I got a Sega Genesis.

[4:16] I guess I would have been like second or third grade or something.

[4:20] So we always had a Sega Genesis around all the Sonic games.

[4:23] I've played Sonic 2, Sonic 3, and Sonic and Knuckles a million times.

[4:29] I watched the cartoon a bunch.

[4:31] There were two different Sonic cartoons back in the mid-90s.

[4:34] One was sort of like a fantasy cartoon and the other was like Looney Tunes.

[4:38] But it was Jaleel White for both of them, right, as the voice of Sonic?

[4:41] Yeah, I think that's right.

[4:42] There was a brief period in the 90s where if your original role that you were famous for was not on anymore, you would become a Saturday morning cartoon star.

[4:51] Like Mark Hamill was the Joker and Jaleel White was Sonic the Hedgehog.

[4:54] And Mr. Belvedere was doing the voice of I think Raphael of the Ninja Turtles.

[4:59] Really?

[5:00] Yeah, and then we had – who else was there?

[5:02] Like John Wayne was doing the voice of Denver the Last Dinosaur.

[5:07] And let's see.

[5:09] John Wayne Gacy, of course, was doing other cartoon voices.

[5:13] Anyway, it's interesting you say that because I grew up in a Nintendo household, and so to me Sonic always seemed weird and strange, and I couldn't get it.

[5:22] And I was like the premise of a fast hedgehog makes no sense to me.

[5:25] It should be about an Italian plumber who jumps on turtles.

[5:28] I feel like this is like a rough equivalent of growing up in a Protestant household and knowing Catholics existed.

[5:35] I just don't get it.

[5:37] I don't understand what it's all about.

[5:39] I mean I – yeah, I grew up in a Nintendo household too, although I stopped at the original NES system.

[5:46] I don't think I ever even got a Super NES, but I was – like I was much more a Nintendo guy, but I was jealous of mostly Sonic when it came to Genesis.

[5:56] I also enjoyed – I enjoyed a little Strider, a little Max.

[6:01] What about fucking Altered Beast, dude, where you get super jacked?

[6:06] Yeah, sure.

[6:07] Well, that happens with Mario too.

[6:08] When you eat a mushroom, suddenly you're like a monster.

[6:10] You're so much bigger than you were before.

[6:12] I think that is an unfair comparison, although that Kanuki suit is kind of like an Altered Beast.

[6:17] Yeah, yeah.

[6:18] He is becoming a kind of merger of man and animal, a manimal if you will, or marionimal.

[6:24] But yeah, it's the – for some reason when I was a kid, my cousins had Sega Genesis, and the only game they really had was Echo the Dolphin.

[6:31] Oh, no.

[6:32] So that was not as fun.

[6:34] It was a very exploration-based game.

[6:36] Yeah.

[6:37] Listen, Nintendo may have had Mario and Zelda and Final Fantasy even, but could you play a game like Streets of Rage where you could get freshly cooked turkeys out of trash cans?

[6:47] You couldn't.

[6:48] What a fantasy.

[6:51] I just remembered that I won a prize in Electronic Gaming Monthly.

[6:59] What?

[7:00] Because I was supposed to name a Streets of Rage move, and my move was the lead pipe cinch when you hit someone with a lead pipe, and I believe I got a controller for that.

[7:13] Wow.

[7:14] You were vastly over-rewarded for the amount of work you put in for that one.

[7:18] That entire sentence is unintelligible to anyone younger than 32.

[7:23] I'm the youngest person for whom that sentence made sense.

[7:28] That was the first time I was paid for my writing, Elliot.

[7:31] Oh, that's pretty fair, and that was when you knew, of course, this is what I am.

[7:35] I'm a writer, and that's where your novel Lead Pipe Cinch, which is kind of like a Bukowski, Tarl Hunter-Thompson-type thing came out of.

[7:43] Yeah, where you're always chasing that turkey leg.

[7:47] So, Dan, your family stopped with the original Sega?

[7:50] The original Nintendo, I think so.

[7:53] Original Nintendo, I'm sorry.

[7:54] So your dad was like 8-bit?

[7:56] That's the only amount of bits that this household will hold.

[7:58] I may be misremembering.

[8:02] It's hard to say.

[8:03] It's all – my childhood is just a warm fuzz at this point.

[8:09] All right.

[8:10] Well, that was – I mean that was a surprisingly steeped in possible trauma response, so let's move on from that.

[8:16] No, my memory is just terrible, that's all.

[8:19] I'm like thinking – while I was watching this movie, I was thinking back to playing the Sega Genesis in my parents' basement,

[8:25] and the smell of the carpet down there, and the weird sadness that the game gives me,

[8:32] and I'm like, was I just sad, or is the game sad?

[8:36] Is it sad for a little blue guy to get hurt and all his rings to shoot out of him?

[8:42] I think that's just nostalgia sadness, Stuart.

[8:45] I think that is you – despite the fact that childhood is a place filled with pain and misery,

[8:51] you still desire to go back there in some corner of your heart.

[8:55] Okay.

[8:56] Well, cool.

[8:57] Fun.

[8:58] I'll try and do that.

[8:59] Well, I think here's a way –

[9:00] Pure magic.

[9:01] Here's a way – I mean perhaps if you could trick your childhood self into touching a magic skull at the same time you do,

[9:08] and your brain would go into your child self's body,

[9:11] you'd just have to redo this every few years, because as you grow up, you'd stop being a child.

[9:16] Oh, man.

[9:19] Okay, so I think we should start this movie because it opens with a special logo.

[9:26] That's right.

[9:27] Instead of stars around that logo, it's gold rings.

[9:30] That's how you know it's made by true fans.

[9:33] Because Paramount was like, we've had this logo for just about 100 years.

[9:37] When should we change it?

[9:39] When there's a hedgehog that needs some rings.

[9:41] This will show the audience we get it.

[9:44] Now, Elliot, are you under the misapprehension that the Paramount logo is now changed forever?

[9:49] Yeah, I think now every Paramount movie is going to have rings instead of stars,

[9:53] and it's just like I hope it was worth it for Sonic.

[9:55] It's like when you get a tattoo of someone's name and then you break up with them a couple weeks later.

[10:00] And you're like, oh boy, I can only date people named Charisse now.

[10:05] Dan, have you been to the movie theater and seen a new Paramount movie since Sonic?

[10:12] You know what?

[10:13] You got me, Stuart.

[10:14] So we seem to be in a sort of Schrodinger's Paramount logo situation where until we see

[10:19] one of these movies, we have to assume the logo has both rings and stars.

[10:23] And I guess only time will tell.

[10:27] Jamal, do you have any thoughts?

[10:28] The other thing is that since Sonic was a big hit, Paramount now demand the producers,

[10:33] their executives want a hedgehog in every single Paramount film.

[10:37] So when they eventually reboot the Dark Universe, there's going to be Sonic the

[10:42] Hedgehog. I mean, Knuckles would fit right in because that dude is pretty scary.

[10:48] I wouldn't complain if it was a real hedgehog in every movie because those things are

[10:52] cute. Or if it was you were saying how much you wanted Ron Jeremy to be

[10:58] playing the lead role this week.

[11:01] I mean, he's kind of a hedgehog wife, I guess.

[11:04] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[11:05] Can we can we stop as a culture putting Ron Jeremy and ironic cameos in comedies?

[11:11] Dan, how much is that really happening these days?

[11:14] I mean, there was a high point in the 90s of edgy comedies.

[11:19] Put that message in a bottle and send it back through a time window because I don't

[11:23] think it's happening too much anymore.

[11:25] All right. OK, so we we open.

[11:28] We opened media as Sonic is running around the streets of San Francisco, running away

[11:33] from Dr. Wiley and we have Dr.

[11:36] Robotnik. Dr.

[11:38] Wiley is from the Mega Man games.

[11:39] I knew I was going to fuck that up at some point.

[11:41] Yeah, it's Dr.

[11:43] Dr. Eggman Robotnik.

[11:45] He's running. I want to I want to take a moment just to celebrate the fact that this

[11:49] is the first time that Stewart has said something that is open in media as when it

[11:53] actually has.

[11:54] It's true. Usually, usually it's opened very much in pre-res.

[11:58] But now this is so so we have our like, I bet you're wondering how we got here

[12:05] freeze frame and we're about to do a flashback.

[12:08] But while Sonic is talking shit about Dr.

[12:10] Robotnik, we also learned that Sonic is familiar with the American Civil War, which

[12:15] is was kind of chilling for me at that point.

[12:17] Like this is a movie for children.

[12:20] Now, this is this will be a reoccurring theme because I am baffled by like the degree

[12:25] to which Sonic does or does not understand Earth history and culture.

[12:31] I mean, you mean just because he doesn't seem to know that humans have names, but he

[12:36] does know about the Olive Garden franchise?

[12:38] Yeah, stuff like that.

[12:39] Or it was very strange to hear Sonic go on a long digression about the campaign at

[12:44] Vicksburg. I'm just going to say, well, especially because he was so

[12:49] pro-Confederate, which is a strange choice now.

[12:51] Right, right.

[12:52] Sure. Yeah, he was like that.

[12:54] Sonic was like all those brave men fighting for their ideals.

[12:57] You know, you don't have to agree with everything they said.

[12:58] I was like, Sonic, this is intense.

[13:00] Yeah. And he was he was saying something about how I was taped up.

[13:03] Sneakers is in solidarity with those poor soldiers who didn't have shoes.

[13:08] Oh, weird.

[13:09] Anyway, so there's two hours, two, two hours of apology for the lost cause.

[13:14] And then we finally get to the end of the flashback, right?

[13:17] Yes. The beginning of the flashback.

[13:19] Yeah. Yeah. So we go right into a flashback.

[13:21] We're on like a forest planet.

[13:23] Sonic's a little kid.

[13:25] We get a little bit of exposition.

[13:26] We're introduced to Sonic's mother, Longclaw, who is some kind of is not a sword,

[13:32] but in fact, a an owl.

[13:35] And I know this is a character who I believe was invented.

[13:38] I believe this character was invented for the movie.

[13:40] Do you guys is he does she ever appear in any Sonic games or associated media?

[13:45] As far as I know, no.

[13:47] I mean, that was the point at which I was like, I have no idea what's happening in this movie.

[13:50] Like, I feel like I have a decent sense of Sonic lore in my head just from like being a kid.

[13:55] And I was like, I don't recognize any of this now.

[13:57] So I don't know what.

[13:58] Did you ever read any of the Sonic comic books where like Knuckles became one with the universe?

[14:02] And there was all this strange stuff that was going on.

[14:05] I I did not.

[14:07] OK, well, much like the much like the Archie Ninja Turtles comics, which spun off into their own bizarre continuity.

[14:15] The the Sonic ones did, too.

[14:16] But yeah, it's this was so Sonic right away.

[14:19] He's like, I grew up on this planet and I always had special powers.

[14:22] And it was like, wait, are you not going to explain whether you come from like a race of hedgehogs?

[14:26] Like, where is that?

[14:27] Like, you don't explain how you got powers at all.

[14:30] He's just he's just burst into existence.

[14:32] Right. Yeah, this is.

[14:33] Well, this is a. All right.

[14:35] Look, I threw up my hands immediately during this movie because of this prologue, because it is like eating your hands.

[14:43] Yeah, I threw them up and discussed because it is the laziest like hero stuff that's just thrown away at the beginning of the movie.

[14:52] Like Sonic has powers, but he thinks he's one of a kind, which that seems like a weird choice right off the bat.

[14:58] I would have assumed that like this alien hedgehog would just come from a race of fast alien hedgehogs and he gets stranded on Earth.

[15:05] He has this mother protector figure, this owl, who I assume is not his biological mother, although I don't know what.

[15:14] Do not assume that, Dan.

[15:15] That's unfair. I do not know Sonic biology.

[15:19] And he's being, you know, well, we know that we know that Sonic has no genitals.

[15:23] So it stands to reason that his species does not have genitals either.

[15:27] So maybe maybe the owl is his biological mother.

[15:30] And it's a race where like if a if like if a horse and a donkey mate and they have a mule and the mule is sterile, if an owl and a crocodile mate, you end up with a Sonic.

[15:38] Yeah, Sonic is incapable of procreating.

[15:40] That's just my theory. I'm just throwing it out there, guys.

[15:42] Sure. Publishing it in the New England Journal of Medicine.

[15:44] We'll see if it gets picked up.

[15:46] OK, but the point is, gotta be peer reviewed.

[15:48] Sonic is being chased by these like sort of like like tiki styled, maybe like native people with with bows and arrows.

[15:59] And you got to look a little closer, Dan.

[16:01] Those are echidnas.

[16:02] OK, well, anyway, there's because, you know, one of them is Knuckles.

[16:06] Yeah, so they're being chased, though.

[16:08] And and the owl is like, hey, use these magic rings to escape to another planet like planet where you'll be safe.

[16:16] Like and if you need to use them again, here's a bag full of magic rings.

[16:20] And she's like, no time to explain, basically, like pushes him into like this earth portal.

[16:26] We were watching this.

[16:27] Audrey was like, I don't understand these movies.

[16:30] Why? Like if you know that this danger is coming, like run a few like fire drills for it ahead of time and explain the things that need to be explained beforehand rather than being like mysterious and pushing Sonic through a portal.

[16:44] And the thing is, Dan, we don't actually know that Longclaw dies.

[16:47] Like maybe Longclaw just needs some alone time.

[16:50] Yeah, maybe Longclaw isn't cut cut out to be a parent.

[16:54] You don't know.

[16:55] Hey, look, someone could be a great parent and still need alone time.

[16:58] But this is like so much like like fantasy, sort of almost chosen one bullshit that's thrown away so quickly at the beginning of the movie and not really important to anything else that happens.

[17:12] OK, I'm going to make two points, Dan, one to support and one to rebuttal.

[17:15] First, rebuttal.

[17:17] As we see from the movie, Sonic has very little attention span skills.

[17:20] So it's very possible Longclaw tried to explain these things to him and he just did not listen, that he was too busy making jokes about like about like professional football and Kenny Chesney and Heinz Ketchup and whatever other American things happened to come into his head.

[17:35] But you also is in support of you.

[17:37] This is a very lazy movie.

[17:39] And the story is very is very paint by numbers.

[17:43] But, Stuart, you were going to disagree.

[17:44] You said you think I was just going to say that I was going to say that the movie, like its protagonist, has got to go fast.

[17:50] Mm hmm. I mean, I will say very paint by numbers.

[17:55] All these things are true, but I did deeply appreciate this movie was 90 minutes or a hundred.

[18:00] It was it was I was when I when I when I rented it on iTunes, I was like, I hope to God I'm not going to be here for two hours.

[18:06] And I wasn't. And that's a blessing.

[18:09] That's true. So you're saying you don't want the the two and a half hour Snyder cut of Sonic the Hedgehog, which which again, weirdly, an hour of that is Sonic going on about the Army of Northern Virginia.

[18:21] Very strange. Very strange.

[18:23] Yeah. You know, Sonic can't stay on topic often.

[18:26] But when it comes to that sort of thing, he's on point.

[18:29] Now I want to see I want to see now the Snyder cut of this where Sonic is fighting Dr.

[18:33] Robotnik and one of them says Longclaw and Dr.

[18:35] Robotnik was like, my mother was named Longclaw.

[18:39] I guess we're best buds now.

[18:41] OK, so and and the basic thing is that we learn that Longclaw explains to Sonic that people are going to try and steal his power, that his power, that Sonic's power is magical.

[18:53] So we then, of course, cut to 10 years later.

[18:57] We're on Earth in a small town of Green Hills, Montana, and we're introduced to Thomas, the donut loving police officer and Matty, his supportive veteran.

[19:10] His supportive veterinarian wife now Thomas's last name is Wachowski, which I assumed was a little tip of the hat to the to the filmmakers behind Speed Racer.

[19:18] What do you guys think? Coincidence or no?

[19:20] Oh, probably. Now, OK, thanks.

[19:25] That was fair. Now, now Sonic is living in the woods like a hermit near this small town.

[19:31] He has come up with nicknames for Thomas and Matty.

[19:34] Thomas, of course, is the donut lord because you know what shape a donut is?

[19:39] A ring. Exactly.

[19:41] That's movie making.

[19:43] Now, now, Sonic lives in a hovel.

[19:46] He's lonely and well, I don't know.

[19:50] Like, you know, he's sad, but he has invented like a rich history and backstory for all the people in this town.

[19:57] Once again, he doesn't really understand them, but he.

[20:00] It's quite a bit about American history and pop

[20:03] Yeah, he so you mentioned that this this copy calls Donut Lord is played by James Marsden who is once again

[20:11] criminally underused

[20:13] Yeah, I find James Marsden to be like such it such a likable performer

[20:17] And he gets he doesn't he doesn't get to do too much in this movie other than be like Sonic stop or like hey come on

[20:23] Yeah, I cut it out. I mean in so much as this movie works at all

[20:27] I think it works because the performers are all very likable, but they yet to him to a man other than Jim Carrey

[20:34] They're given almost nothing to do like he does not have a character to play here

[20:39] He is just sort of pleasant now the action really gets kick-started when Thomas gets offered a

[20:46] Beat cop job on the mean streets of San Francisco and Maddie his wife

[20:51] Immediately starts using Zillow and talks about it in one of the many advertisements

[20:56] So they decide that they're going to move to San Francisco Sonic plays baseball by himself

[21:01] Which I feel like is an interesting commentary on quarantine. What do you guys think?

[21:08] Certainly Sonic is very lonely the thing that drives Sonic through this is his loneliness and his need to reach out and he lives in

[21:14] A cave and he watches a lot of TV, so yeah, I guess he's this is very

[21:18] Prescient in its quarantining not since the lighthouse have I seen a movie that so captured what it felt like to be living in quarantine

[21:25] you know now this and the solo baseball scene of course makes Sonic sad and

[21:30] His loneliness causes him to do a big blue electric explosion

[21:35] Which shorts out the power grid and draws the government's attention now should we mention now Sonic up to this point now?

[21:42] He's been living for 10 years in just watching other people and not not having any friends

[21:47] You would imagine he's like kind of a dour quiet type like real kind of bitter and gruff doesn't say very much, right?

[21:53] Is that pretty accurate?

[21:55] No, he is a

[21:57] jolly

[22:00] He's full of them and vinegar

[22:03] He's played by the voice performances Ben Schwartz, and he does you know a fine job. I think like

[22:10] There are some funny bits that I assume are just Ben Schwartz improvising because everything else is the blandest

[22:17] Nonsense, they throw so many

[22:19] he's constantly doing like like

[22:23] stick stick

[22:24] Yeah

[22:24] Japes and jabs and constant running gags and jokes and it's like they they

[22:29] This I can imagine being an eight-year-old and watching this and being like this is hilarious

[22:34] Because it's because that's how I felt when I would watch like the Ninja Turtles and they'd be constantly making jokes

[22:39] But watching as adult I was like shut up Sonic

[22:42] Shut your mouth, come on

[22:44] I mean sort of on that point this movie feels like a real throwback to kind of like 90s

[22:49] That kind of like late 80s 90s based off of some external video game property movie like it it has some

[22:57] Bizarre mythology with no connection to the actual game

[23:00] Like it involves the character from the game going into a whole new world like it's it feels like someone sat down

[23:07] With a script generator for from like 90

[23:10] 1991 and was like can we plug this in and see what comes out?

[23:13] Yeah, this is what would basically come out and there's like and there's like a road trip element

[23:18] Which I feel like is also a very 90s property movie

[23:22] Well, I I put a review on letterboxd and I think the key line to what you're saying Jamel is like I was like, okay

[23:29] Imagine a Sonic movie in your head. That's what this movie is

[23:33] Exactly they didn't enhance it in any way

[23:36] They didn't add any plot or characterization beyond what your vague idea of what a Sonic movie might be and that's this film

[23:43] The only thing that's missing to be a movie that could have come out in

[23:46] 1990 is like an evil land developer who wants to get to Sonic's homeworld so he can build condos there like that

[23:53] Or like someone who's gonna like who's like I'm gonna merchandise Sonic

[23:57] Come on Sonic Sonic dolls Sonic games Sonic yo-yos and sounds like no way man

[24:02] I'm one of the kinds one of the interesting things about the whole like evil land developer trope is that I feel like it just gave

[24:09] Like, you know

[24:10] There's a lot of young people coming up in the late 80s early 90s who saw those movies and I feel like it gave them

[24:17] The idea because it's not like there's fewer evil land developers in the world now

[24:21] No, no, there's much more of them and they are more powerful than ever before

[24:24] So, I guess what maybe we were looking at those movies wrong and those were actually the heroes the whole time I

[24:30] Do also think that this might be the point to bring up that the screenwriters of this movie. There's two screenwriters

[24:36] they appear to be a screenwriting team because their IMDb pages are exactly the same with writing credits and

[24:43] Either a team or the same person getting two checks and they're like, oh

[24:48] Jeremy I'll go get him and they leave the room and put on a mustache and they walk back in Oh

[24:53] Frank I'll go get him and they go back out and

[24:57] Probably but but these screenwriters

[25:00] have a long career in things like they wrote some Hot Wheels TV movies and

[25:06] They're the writers of National Lampoon's dorm days and dorm days, too

[25:12] And this is a dead days spelled da Z. It is in fact spelled da Z. Oh, thank goodness

[25:18] I was really left some joke money on the table

[25:21] And and this is their first

[25:24] Big blockbuster movie. They got this huge

[25:28] plum screenwriting job

[25:31] From I I do not know what maybe they're good in the room

[25:35] And I do not want to like intimate that people can't come up through

[25:41] Exploitation movies, which is basically what the National Lampoon movies are the equivalent to

[25:46] Because you know a lot of great talented filmmakers came up through that but it is strange that they seem to have jumped directly

[25:53] from

[25:54] nonsense movies to

[25:56] The hugest blockbuster of this past year. I would disagree

[26:01] I think one day like you're saying you can't really judge a writer just by their past credits

[26:06] To jump from National Lampoon dorm days to the Sonic the Hedgehog movie is not the quantum leap in the in career

[26:13] Elliot

[26:15] Elliot you are

[26:17] Misconstruing what I'm saying? I know that I know that's a better movie

[26:20] I would rather watch National Lampoon's dorm days than Sonic probably no

[26:25] No, I'm saying what you described to me is like a pretty common career progression

[26:29] It's not like they were like Sonic the Hedgehog. We need only the top screener screenwriters. Get me David Kepp. Get me William

[26:36] Totally wrong Elliot they put

[26:38] Millions like hundreds like put a hundred million dollars in this movie

[26:42] They're not like get me the writers of National Lampoon

[26:46] Cuz I'll tell you how they did it. This is how they do the damn

[26:48] They had a couple different groups of screenwriters come in and pitch their takes on the character

[26:52] Then they made them come back and pitch it again for fleshed out and they narrowed it down and their agents got them this meeting

[26:59] And then or they knew one of the executives and then eventually they wrote the script and the network and the network the studio said

[27:05] Can you make it blander and then they rewrote it to make it blander and the studio said hmm, can you put Zillow in there?

[27:11] I understand the pitching and development process. I'm saying this is a surprising leap that they have made in their careers and

[27:19] Congratulations. Congratulations after laboring in schlock

[27:24] Big budgets schlock

[27:26] My under my understanding is that this movie early a sonic movie has been in development for a while

[27:32] And this is they're like there've been multiple groups of screenwriters who have taken a swing

[27:36] I don't know. And so this is this

[27:39] These guys are the ones who I guess cracked it. Yeah, and well, unfortunately

[27:44] We'll never get to see that Sonic movie that Richard LaGravity's worked on 20 years ago, you know, yeah

[27:49] Yeah, I'm assuming what happened is John's Hectic Shanley

[27:53] Versions

[28:02] Involved actually just like a human man painted blue

[28:08] Yeah, I'm assuming these screenwriters were rejected for their original script for portrait of a lady on fire

[28:16] Well, the problem was there said they went to the pitching session for portrait of a lady on fire and they were like

[28:21] Okay, spin us a tale and they're like, okay. So this lady, right?

[28:25] She's on this fantasy world and her mom's an owl and she has the ability to burst into flame and they're like we don't did

[28:31] You read did you take a look at our lookbook about what the film is gonna be like? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we threw that away

[28:37] Okay, when hurry this up because we got a meeting later for that Schindler's List reboot

[28:41] We got

[28:44] Reboot

[28:48] Into a whole a whole cinematic universe. Yeah, the SCU

[28:56] Man it's just like it's a they're trying to look this

[28:59] There's some studio that bought up a bunch of the rights to a bunch of different adult dramas

[29:03] so they're like finally Schindler Carlito from Carlito's Way Don Corleone and

[29:09] Oh, let's say

[29:12] Let's say

[29:13] The sisters from a league of their own. They're finally in they're finally in one movie together

[29:20] So, okay, so so now so now we finally have we finally have a villain the US government has to bring in their

[29:27] Perfect agent. That's right. Jim Carrey playing

[29:32] Eggman

[29:33] Robotnik and he's kind of a loose cannon

[29:36] But they have to because he always gets the job done and he's like a super scientist guy

[29:40] He's got a power glove on he's got an army of egg-shaped drones

[29:45] He drives around in a bunch of trucks that are all covered covered in plates

[29:50] This is one of them many like very hand-waving moments in the script where they're like, okay

[29:56] We need to get to the next thing where like every one of the government's

[30:00] seems to know that this guy's crazy but they're like

[30:02] and we need to make you pay him

[30:05] okay

[30:07] well that's when if anything it would have been better

[30:09] they they could have had a real political moment here where

[30:11] they talking to the president's clearly trumpets and from behind his head like

[30:15] george steinbrenner on seinfeld

[30:16] and he's just like

[30:18] robotic and they're like no he's a crazy person like why would

[30:21] none of the treated at me robotic get him out there and okay you said so

[30:25] commander-in-chief

[30:26] but i instead you're right and they're kind of like

[30:29] let's get robotic

[30:30] what he's nuts and they're like

[30:31] uh... yeah but what it's you have you not seen every one of the property

[30:35] everyone in the room is basically like that's a terrible idea let's do it

[30:39] i mean i'm i'm glad that the movie

[30:41] it does do once it doesn't couple things

[30:44] right which is one that cast him carry in this role and there's something very

[30:48] chicken soup for the soul comforting to me about seeing jim carrey do the kind

[30:51] of role that he did when i was a kid

[30:53] but i totally agree they weren't like

[30:55] get doctor robot robert nicholas so he's so crazy he loves robots they call

[30:59] him robotic behind his back

[31:01] that they just are out now like his name's robotic let's just do whatever

[31:04] who cares

[31:06] and he he so he shows up to green hills any takes over the investigation of

[31:12] course he has to supplant the local military leader

[31:15] who was played by neil mcdonough

[31:17] hired of course for his blue blue eyes

[31:20] his husky dog eyes and by that i mean the dog husky not that his eyes are fat

[31:26] and he has dog eyes

[31:27] big ol' fat dog eyes

[31:30] the biggest eyes from the baddest dog

[31:32] he was thrown away in one scene stewart i was like okay neil mcdonough is gonna

[31:36] come back at some point but it's like no he's just there to be

[31:39] humiliated by funny jim carrey and then he disappears

[31:43] he's like he was in street fighter the legend of chun li for god's sakes

[31:48] give him some respect

[31:49] he played dum-dum-dugan come on everybody

[31:54] he was a villain in an entire season of arrow

[31:57] yeah and uh... justified

[32:00] which character did he play in arrow

[32:04] was it was it damien dart?

[32:07] yeah and did he play the same character in justified because i want justified and

[32:11] arrow to be in the same universe

[32:12] uh... he's not that different in justified to be honest with you

[32:17] sounds pretty good

[32:18] uh... and so that so

[32:20] dr robotnik is on the case and

[32:23] where does sonic go sonic knows he's gonna be in trouble so where does he go for help

[32:26] so he runs back to his cave he packs up all his stuff

[32:29] uh... or most of his stuff and he heads to the only house that he's familiar with

[32:33] that's right

[32:34] the house of tom and maddie

[32:36] uh... tom is already preparing to go to san francisco maddie is already gone

[32:40] ahead uh... to find them an apartment i guess

[32:43] uh... tom is so excited he's staying with her sister who does not like tom

[32:48] despite the fact that he is by all accounts a very supportive and loving

[32:52] spouse he took three jobs to help her get through veterinary school

[32:55] but for some reason because the movie wants jokes

[32:58] her sister does not like him

[33:00] yeah this is one of my least favorite stock characters in the movie the sister

[33:04] that

[33:05] hates the lead uh... husband character for no reason that anyone can see

[33:12] yeah if you wanted to make the movie just like a little bit edgy she could

[33:15] hate him because he's a cop

[33:17] yeah i mean that's kind of what i felt like they were hinting at but it never

[33:21] it never came out

[33:22] but like this is this is a black lady in san francisco she hates him because he's

[33:26] a cop

[33:29] and she knows inevitably there's going to be a time when

[33:32] she's gonna have some kind of interaction with him in her home city

[33:35] and their family and it's going to be

[33:37] really bad for all of them she knows his mask is going to slip at some point

[33:42] there should be a scene where she just whispers a cab

[33:49] and uh...

[33:50] and he's wearing a t-shirt that says san francisco on it because he just cannot

[33:54] wait he's trying to become the city i kinda love like i love the idea of this

[33:58] dorky ass dude who's like

[34:00] i can't wait to move there i'm gonna buy the t-shirt in advance like those guys

[34:04] who bought the darth maul shirt before seeing phantom menace

[34:07] uh... so disappointed what about the guys who bought the wado shirt before phantom menace

[34:11] you mean you and griffin newman?

[34:16] we saw him and we were like this character is going to be so great and not at all offensive

[34:20] and then we saw him and i was like well i did pay for the shirt i guess i'll wear it

[34:25] he is kind of like a uh... he is kind of like

[34:27] uh... a more realistic anti-semitic gonzo so i guess that's ok

[34:32] you're wearing the shirt about around being like

[34:34] look i'm reclaiming wado i guess it was a tip off when the wado t-shirt had gold

[34:39] coins on it

[34:39] yeah it was the fact that he had gold coins on the back it said more blood

[34:44] please it was like this is the shirt oh wow hey i didn't make the shirt dan

[34:49] i'm not the one who put those shirts out

[34:51] yeah so

[34:52] you got the shirt and you're like well i don't like the character that much i guess it's

[34:55] gonna be my gym shirt and then you just didn't go to the gym it was a very good

[35:00] excuse not to go to the gym because i was like i can't wear this shirt at the gym this is crazy

[35:03] but i don't have another gym shirt wait i never realized this guy so wado clearly anti-semitic

[35:08] what about gonzo he's got a similar nose similar coloring he also is kind of an outsider he just

[35:14] doesn't fit in and he has elaborate stunts that he always wants to pull off which isn't a big

[35:19] jewish stereotype that jews always want to get shot out of cannons or ride unicycles across

[35:23] tightropes and that jews love chickens i mean we do you know well i mean based on the sample

[35:30] size in this group jews do love chickens but i i mean gonzo is one of the most lovable characters

[35:39] in the muppet averse so yeah that's true it's just him and scooter two tops oh god

[35:47] and what's the one from the muppets the first of the of the disney movies kevin wayne what's

[35:52] his name walter his name is walter he has no personality and when you say walter is more of

[35:56] a top or a bottom dan uh weirdly he's a switch anyway let's go on he's a nintendo switch all

[36:05] right let's keep going so uh so sonic goes to uh james marston's house that goes great right well

[36:12] james marston surprises him before he can run away and he shoots him in the leg with a tranquilizer

[36:17] dart uh that he had to shoot a raccoon presumably um and then that of course leads sonic to

[36:23] accidentally opening up a portal to san francisco because he reads it on his shirt and then he drops

[36:28] all of his rings in san francisco like you do and he passes out a reference to tony bennett's classic

[36:34] song classic song i left my rings in san francisco now stewart is saying this as if it is a normal

[36:40] thing so i feel like i need to clarify for the audience that yeah like his magic rings he needs

[36:47] to escape to another planet have now gone through a portal to an entirely different city they're on

[36:52] the top of the transamerica pyramid and also as within real life when you are hit with a

[36:56] tranquilizer dart you must read whatever words are in front of you at that moment

[37:02] that's the only way your brain can regain purchase on reality so like for instance

[37:08] so if you're standing at a pool and you get hit with a tranquilizer dart you would say

[37:14] lifeguard on duty and then you'd and then you'd pass out or if you were at uh like a baseball

[37:20] stadium and you got shot with a tranquilizer dart you'd be like budweiser 12 and then you'd fall

[37:25] down like there's a lot of choices coming out of elliot you're at like you're at the jersey shore

[37:31] and you're like uh female body inspector yeah again you're at the jersey shore when i was a

[37:37] kid in like 1986 all right the idea that dan has he's like uh mesh mesh tank top that dan is like

[37:46] an encino man or blast from the past type or but he just or like a rip van winkle but he was just

[37:51] in cryogenic freeze for like 20 years i'll tell you something uh writing for a younger

[37:57] hipper uh talk show host has been great for me lately uh with all of my 40 year old man

[38:05] references you're like you're like uh trevor and then we'll have a quick joke to the scene

[38:11] in just one of the guys where and he's like i don't know what that is and you're like trevor

[38:15] we all watched it on hbo when we were kids and he's like i didn't do any of that it had nudity

[38:20] and played during the day trevor i have i have a joke here about zima and crystal pepsi

[38:28] oh we the show the show i'm working on right now we have a zima joke in one of the episodes

[38:32] and i'm like i love it great but there was a younger writer in the room who was like what

[38:36] zima and i was like i'll tell you about it later there's the guy he'd like to have words that start

[38:42] with z anyway it aired around the same time as those richard lewis boku ads and they were like

[38:47] what he had a hat

[38:55] cool so uh our team uh sonic and uh sonic wakes up he talks to thomas they immediately decide

[39:02] okay we gotta get uh we gotta save this guy robotnik's on his trail uh robotnik shows up

[39:08] to thomas's house and uh tricks his way into the home uh they knock out robotnik and go on the run

[39:15] together did i skip over anything no all you all you need to mention is robotnik has an army of

[39:20] robot drones and also that he manages to get his hands on one of sonic's quills oh that's what that

[39:28] was yeah what did you think it was like his his like uh his tail or i thought it was like a like

[39:35] a shard of his essence like in the dark crystal or like or it was like a crystal that he'd have

[39:42] to take down and uh build the fortress of solitude with maybe or just like leave on his nightstand to

[39:48] heal the energy of the room or like if sonic is if sonic is anything like my children they'll just

[39:53] pick up broken pieces of plastic off the ground and carry it around all day and then leave it in

[39:57] their room and then i'll step on it and i'll be like what is this

[40:00] Why is this in my house?

[40:03] But no, it's one of Sonic's power quills.

[40:06] Stewart, you'd miss one thing, which is how Robotnik's demand to go into Marston's

[40:12] house was a violation of posse comitatus.

[40:18] I had that written down in my notes and I just skimmed right over it, that's one mistake.

[40:23] How many amendments is he breaking at that point?

[40:26] That's unreasonable search and seizure for sure.

[40:28] It's not like he went to a judge and he said, I have reasonable suspicion that there's a

[40:33] magic hedgehog in this man's house, I need a warrant to search the premises.

[40:38] And I love their subtle dance when they first meet each other, because you're like, either

[40:43] of you could address the fact that you're either a police officer or working for the

[40:48] government.

[40:49] You don't have to hide that information.

[40:52] But they're like, nope, I gotta tease this situation out.

[40:56] I love that Jim Carrey is like, I'm here to read the meter and he's like wearing a

[40:59] long black trench coat.

[41:00] He has black leather gloves on his hands.

[41:03] It's like, what crazy world are you from where people dress like Dracula to read the electricity

[41:07] meter?

[41:08] Like, come on.

[41:09] Cool.

[41:10] So they're on the run.

[41:12] They reluctantly decide to team up.

[41:15] At first they have this moment where you're like, oh shit, they're already breaking up

[41:19] with each other.

[41:20] But no, you know, they pretty quickly get over that.

[41:22] Sonic runs into the ocean and runs back.

[41:24] What's up?

[41:25] I do not want to gloss over this moment because this is one of my actual major problems with

[41:31] this movie.

[41:32] Where like, James Marsden's like, hey, I saved your life.

[41:36] That's all I'm going to do for you.

[41:37] Like I don't want to go on the run with you or anything.

[41:40] And Sonic's like, oh, okay, uh, all right, I guess I'll go to San Francisco on my own.

[41:45] Like, I guess I'll find it somehow.

[41:47] And like, and James Marsden's like, just go west.

[41:50] You'll hit it.

[41:51] Sonic zooms off, comes back immediately with a fish on his head because he ran into the

[41:56] ocean and he's like, see, I can't do it on my own.

[41:59] I'm like, fucking give him a map.

[42:02] Like this movie does not adequately explain like why they like go off together.

[42:09] And I feel like he could do it fairly easily by like, later on, like they blame James Marsden

[42:16] for like, they say he's a domestic terrorist.

[42:19] Like there are reasons that they could give at this point that they're stuck together,

[42:24] but they do not.

[42:25] And I never feel like they truly bonded this movie, no matter how much work they put into it.

[42:31] The easiest thing to have done, given what's already in the script is for the tranquilizer

[42:38] or the electric explosion to sap Sonic's speed.

[42:41] There you go.

[42:42] He can't run as fast anymore, so he needs to be driven.

[42:45] Problem solved.

[42:46] Yeah.

[42:47] Yeah.

[42:48] Actually, that's pretty good.

[42:49] What I bumped against was that James Marsden is like, okay, there's a talking bipedal hedgehog

[42:55] that wears gloves and sneakers, but no other clothes.

[42:58] And he's suddenly in my house and he's blue and he runs really fast.

[43:03] Okay.

[43:04] Just one of those days.

[43:05] I'm not helping you.

[43:06] Like he accepts the existence of Sonic so quickly and there's not even, and it's pretty

[43:11] cliche the moment of like, what are you?

[43:12] But they don't even do that.

[43:13] It's just like, dude, get out of my house.

[43:16] Take the fact that you are some kind of abomination of nature and get no human and proof of life

[43:21] in other dimensions and other plants.

[43:23] You're the first.

[43:24] This is the first contact between a human and a sentient being that is not human.

[43:28] Get out of my life.

[43:29] I'm a busy man.

[43:30] I'm moving to San Francisco.

[43:31] Like it's such a strange, it's a strange choice to have him be so nonplussed by the existence

[43:35] of Sonic.

[43:36] I'm sure there was an early version of the script where they're like, and here's the

[43:40] part in the script where Sonic loses his speed and the executives are like, uh, Sonic's

[43:45] fast and they're like, no, I know, but he'll, you know, he'll get it back.

[43:48] They're like, nope, that doesn't work for us.

[43:50] They're like, yeah.

[43:51] Okay.

[43:52] So can the villain be fast?

[43:53] Yeah.

[43:54] That's okay.

[43:55] That works.

[43:56] And we'll get, we'll get to it later, but there is like a, like a Quicksilver from X-Men

[44:02] sequence in this movie that shows Sonic to like, not only be fast, but basically a superhero

[44:09] himself.

[44:10] And it's like, why does he need James Marsden?

[44:12] Cause he doesn't know where San Francisco is in and there's no way for him to learn

[44:15] that information.

[44:16] Otherwise it's locked inside James Marsden's head, like the map on the back of the girl

[44:20] in water world.

[44:21] There's only one way to find out.

[44:23] Okay.

[44:24] That's a good point because it sort of gets to like the fund, or get fundamental problem

[44:27] with any property that involves someone that fast, which is that like, they're no longer

[44:32] bound by the laws of physics.

[44:34] And so there are no problems anymore, right?

[44:36] Like all things can be solved, right?

[44:38] Like, Oh, Oh, Oh no, someone died.

[44:41] I'll just use speed to break the time barrier.

[44:45] It makes the problem.

[44:46] Oh, I don't know where San Francisco is.

[44:49] Well, I can apparently traverse the entire earth in a minute.

[44:53] Let me do that.

[44:54] I'll figure it out.

[44:55] Yeah.

[44:56] I'll just do that.

[44:57] If he had simply gone directly to San Francisco, like there would have been no time for Robotnik

[45:03] to do any of the things he does in this movie.

[45:06] No, but Dan, they had to stop off at a roadhouse.

[45:08] To get into a bar.

[45:09] Yeah.

[45:10] Well, I'm sure that I'm sure in the goof section of this movie, somebody's like, Sonic is fast

[45:17] enough.

[45:18] This movie shouldn't have lasted this long.

[45:20] Guys, I want to rebut my own statement from earlier.

[45:24] I just realized this movie is better off if James Marsden just accepts Sonic because it

[45:29] spares us from a scene where he's like, get out of that costume.

[45:32] And he's grabbing them all over and he goes, here's the zipper and Sonic goes, that's not

[45:36] a zipper.

[45:37] And then he pulls his hand back because there's a worse version of this movie that has that

[45:41] scene in it.

[45:42] I guarantee you.

[45:43] So I'm glad that didn't happen.

[45:45] Oh, actually, Stuart, I have another goof for you to put in the IMDb entry.

[45:48] OK, let me just type that up.

[45:49] OK.

[45:50] OK.

[45:51] In real life, hedgehogs are not fast.

[45:52] Real life hedgehogs are not fast.

[45:54] Or actually, put that under factual error.

[45:57] OK.

[45:58] Yeah.

[45:59] So our heroes are on the run.

[46:01] Of course, they stop at a roadhouse that has some very energetic bikers and hot wheelers

[46:07] out front.

[46:09] They talk about how Sonic needs to work on his bucket list, introducing children to the

[46:13] concept of dying one day.

[46:17] And this is one of the things that Sonic doesn't know.

[46:19] Would you put that in the column of Sonic does not know this, as opposed to all the

[46:25] other things that he seems to be intimately familiar with?

[46:28] Well, we know he's seen the movie Speed, because we see him watching it.

[46:32] And we know that he's familiar with the Olive Garden, but he hasn't seen the bucket list.

[46:36] And you know what?

[46:37] He's not the target demographic.

[46:38] Like, the bucket list of the movie was for, like, older people, the same people who really

[46:42] love, like, Grace and Frankie.

[46:44] Or what's that movie that we watched where the old people go to Las Vegas, and it's Kevin

[46:48] Kline and Robert De Niro?

[46:49] Las Vegas.

[46:50] Las Vegas.

[46:51] Is that what it was called?

[46:52] Las Vegas?

[46:53] Or it was called Las Vegas.

[46:55] Because the implication was that they were all going to die.

[46:58] So like, he's not going to go see the bucket list.

[47:00] He's going to be like, that's an old man movie.

[47:02] I want to watch Speed or Speed 2, cruise control.

[47:05] Yeah.

[47:06] So this is where, of course, they get into a big, you know, they have a little montage

[47:10] of Sonic crossing things off his list in this, you know, pretty populous roadhouse.

[47:17] And then they of course...

[47:18] It is a packed roadhouse.

[47:19] I mean, it's a big...

[47:20] It's a roadhouse that also has, like, basketball games, like you would find at, like, Coney

[47:25] Island or any, like, or Chuck E. Cheese.

[47:30] And you know, like, this is a confusing roadhouse to me in terms of the entertainment there

[47:35] versus the crowd that it seems to be.

[47:37] Well, it is very much a children's movie version of a roadhouse, where it's like, it's supposed

[47:42] to seem super tough and super crazy, but like, you can't show...

[47:46] It's not that...

[47:47] It can't be from dusk till dawn.

[47:48] Yeah.

[47:49] You can't have, like, a strip show going on or, like, guys with guns.

[47:50] It's not the Double Deuce or anything.

[47:52] Yeah, exactly.

[47:53] So it's just like, uh-oh, this roadhouse is pretty crazy.

[47:57] Well, let's just play this basketball game and get enough tickets so that we can get

[47:59] a big novelty comb, and then we'll leave.

[48:02] So of course, this is where they get in a bar fight, and this is where we have that

[48:05] moment where Sonic moves so fast he's able to stop time, and we get that full-on Quicksilver

[48:10] moment that Dan was talking about.

[48:11] I mean, we knew this was coming, right, guys?

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:16] That scene was the breakout star of that X-Men movie.

[48:19] It has to be replicated.

[48:20] I mean, and the scene here is fun enough.

[48:23] Some gags are set up, but it is...

[48:25] It did immediately raise the question to me, like, okay, well, Sonic is, like, much faster

[48:30] than I thought he was.

[48:32] He can stop time fast.

[48:34] He can walk between seconds.

[48:35] Yeah, I think that's...

[48:36] Yes.

[48:37] Also, so here's the thing.

[48:38] If you were moving super fast, could you push, like, bullets and missiles out of the way

[48:42] like Quicksilver and Sonic do, or would you, like, go to touch it and it would go right

[48:47] through your finger?

[48:48] Because it's still moving really fast.

[48:49] Does your speed really cancel out the speed of the projectile?

[48:53] Right.

[48:54] If your velocity is such that you can do that, then at which point you are generating enough

[49:00] force to be able just to, like, move it.

[49:03] Because my also wonder is, like, if you slam your hand onto a knife, the knife will go

[49:08] through your hand.

[49:09] Are you moving so fast that your velocity is adding to the velocity of the bullet or

[49:12] the missile and it is that much more of an impact?

[49:16] Now, this probably has nothing to do with it, like, in terms of real life physics, but

[49:22] I will say he is, you know, like, in these movies, like, they do push the bullet away

[49:27] from the side.

[49:28] Rather, they do not put their hand in front of the bullet.

[49:30] Yeah, right.

[49:31] That's probably it.

[49:32] Because that's a force that only moves in one direction, I think.

[49:33] So...

[49:34] I'm just, you know...

[49:35] Yeah, do you...

[49:36] Should I...

[49:37] So I have the...

[49:39] I have the question open.

[49:40] Should I add this to the goofs column, guys?

[49:41] I guess as...

[49:42] Make it...

[49:43] Call it incorrectly regarded as goofs.

[49:44] And it is...

[49:45] I feel like this is the stupid thing in movie viewers' brains, where I'm like, magic rings.

[49:46] They create portals.

[49:47] You got it.

[49:48] OK.

[49:49] Speedy blue hedgehog, yes.

[49:50] Could he really do that with his super speed?

[49:51] Yeah.

[49:52] Yeah.

[49:53] Yeah.

[49:54] Yeah.

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:56] Yeah.

[49:57] Yeah.

[49:58] Yeah.

[49:59] Yeah.

[50:00] Yeah.

[50:00] He's like, it's the dumbest thing for me to fixate on.

[50:03] The one thing we shouldn't neglect to mention about this

[50:07] whole sequence is that thus far, the only human who has met

[50:11] Sonic is James Marsden's character, they go into this bar

[50:15] and Sonic is just hanging out and people look at him and have

[50:20] no reaction to the fact that he is a talking blue space

[50:23] hedgehog. It is it is it is so normal to them that it suggests

[50:29] what it actually suggests about the world is that there are lots

[50:32] of Sonic like creatures in the world. And that this Montana

[50:35] town just happens to have never gotten one before.

[50:39] Well, it's like, it's like Citrusville, Florida home of the

[50:42] man thing, which happens to be the nexus of all realities. So

[50:45] there's always like Howard, the ducks and barbarians walking

[50:47] through. So I guess this little part of Montana, yeah, they're

[50:50] just used to trans dimensional visitors. But it does. It is

[50:52] very strange that Sonic's like, no one can ever see me. And then

[50:55] all he has to do is put on a hat and a jacket. And people are

[50:57] like, sup, little dude, can I get you a drink? It's like, I

[51:00] wonder if at any point he's like, all I needed was a hat.

[51:03] Why didn't I just put a hat on all this time? Especially since

[51:06] you know, he's a fan of Sunday in the park with George. And of

[51:09] course, it's iconic song finishing the hat. So it's

[51:11] familiar with the concept of hats, because we see him later

[51:14] singing that song, right? Or did I dream that?

[51:18] You may have dreamed it. So we've opened this door, I do

[51:21] want to read three actual goofs from the IMDb page. When Sonic

[51:27] and Robotnik arrive in Egypt near the Giza pyramids, there's

[51:30] nothing but desert visible in all directions. The pyramids of

[51:34] the Sphinx are actually surrounded by roads, numerous

[51:36] other monuments and city on three sides. There's a pizza

[51:39] hut less than 1000 feet from the Sphinx itself.

[51:42] Oh, that's interesting. I wonder if but I wonder if that I mean,

[51:46] that raised the question of did that ring take them to a

[51:49] different time period? Sure.

[51:52] Oh, yeah. I mean, and that's why there was that's why the

[51:55] Pharaoh did a double take looking at them. And then

[52:00] there's a hieroglyphic in the pyramid of a sonic type figure

[52:02] running from a man with a mustache.

[52:05] There's an Israelite slave pushing up a block. Weird. And

[52:10] keeps on because he goes, let my people go and he just walks

[52:15] away.

[52:15] I may laugh at this goof, but I did learn something from it. So

[52:20] that's useful. Yeah, you learned where to get where to get pizza

[52:23] if you're ever in Cairo.

[52:26] Now, this is a minor goof. But in the end credit music listing

[52:30] for Queens don't stop me now. Freddie that's with an IE

[52:33] Mercury's first name is misspelled as Freddie with a Y.

[52:37] Okay, so that's a minor goof. But that's a fair goof. Here's

[52:41] one. Even if sonics electromagnetic magnetic pulse

[52:45] didn't knock out cell phones themselves, it would affect the

[52:48] cell towers making them useless. Tom calling Wade during the

[52:51] blackout would not have happened either way.

[52:53] That was a question I had was that there's a there's a

[52:55] blackout, everything's out yet the phone at the police station

[52:58] works fine. So I wondered if those phones do those phones

[53:02] still work during blackouts?

[53:03] That's a landline a landline would in fact, you're not old

[53:06] enough to know this Elliot, but the landline would still be

[53:09] working.

[53:10] It's just that I've forgotten it, Dan. I like I'm, I'm almost

[53:13] 40 years old. I know I've lived through landline phones.

[53:17] blackouts.

[53:18] The thing that was great about a landline Elliot is it had this

[53:21] long it had this long cord and you can like spin it while you

[53:24] talked.

[53:25] Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

[53:27] Now. Now, you don't see this but but Stuart was sort of spinning

[53:31] it like say a burlesque dancer would be spinning a feather

[53:35] Yeah, now. Yeah, now I'm of course too young to remember

[53:39] this. But at the time, they had real hoverboards that they were

[53:42] going to sell in stores, but parents said it was too

[53:45] dangerous. And so they were removed from the market.

[53:48] Now we did get those shoes from that movie, but they didn't

[53:51] automatically lace up like they were supposed to.

[53:53] No, no, no. Instead, they just placed the normal way by you

[53:57] yelling at your mom to do it for you.

[53:59] Okay, well, anyway, let's get back to this movie before

[54:01] Stuart explodes.

[54:02] Promises undelivered. So okay, so. So we get introduced that

[54:09] there's one last element on Sonic's bucket list. And then of

[54:13] course, he can die, which is he wants to make a real friend. And

[54:18] at this point, I think at this point, we can address Sonic can

[54:22] die for real, right? Because he doesn't have any rings in his

[54:24] body. So

[54:26] now he never now now that's video game lore. He never

[54:29] ingests the rings. I think it's just, it's just assumed that

[54:32] he'll die if he gets blown up or shot or poisoned, or auto

[54:36] erotic asphyxiation, or drowns or any of those things, the same

[54:41] ways normal people die.

[54:42] So so they get in yet another fight. This time they get in a

[54:45] fight about Tom wanting to move to San Francisco. Because of

[54:49] course, Sonic believes that small towns are better than big

[54:52] towns. And why would he ever want to leave Green Hills?

[54:55] This is another thing that like, sorry, I do want to just as

[54:58] quickly, Sonic is like obsessed with how nice this town is that

[55:03] that James Marsden's character wants to get out of. And like

[55:06] Sonic, as we have established, I don't know if you know this,

[55:09] guys, he's fast. He could see the rest of the world.

[55:13] Apparently, he has had no curiosity about planet Earth

[55:17] beyond Green Hills.

[55:18] I mean, in his defense, the last thing his adopted possibly

[55:22] biological owl mother said to him was hide yourself. Don't let

[55:25] anyone see you. So he has been living in seclusion on purpose.

[55:29] Now, can he move faster than the human eye can see? Of course

[55:31] he can. So yeah, but then he's gonna get what a split second

[55:35] view of Brussels before he's got to spin around and turn back

[55:37] because he's got to stay moving fast enough that no one can see

[55:39] him. Is he going to see Tokyo for one day? What is he my

[55:42] brother?

[55:42] I don't understand why you think that Green Hills is the only

[55:45] place where he can be stealthy and hide though like he see the

[55:48] world Sonic. You know, maybe you don't want to stay down on the

[55:52] farm.

[55:52] It is one of many movies that takes it for granted that you

[55:56] know what it is wrong to leave your hometown to go to the big

[55:59] city, which is the exact opposite of the lesson that life

[56:02] gives you.

[56:05] So while they're in this fight, Dr. Robotnik's car drone catches

[56:09] up with them and Sonic just blows the shit out of it, right?

[56:13] He does that like roll thing and lightning flies everywhere. And

[56:16] then we have a increasing or decreasing in size series of

[56:20] robots that keep chasing them.

[56:22] This was a really funny concept. I thought that it keeps every

[56:25] time they blow it up, a smaller thing comes out and goes after

[56:27] them. Also, I should notice I should mention, as soon as I

[56:30] said cities were bigger, better than small towns, as if as if

[56:33] God wanted to get back at me. One of you guys had a police

[56:36] siren go off in the background. So it's like, all right, I get

[56:40] it. Okay, thanks for thanks for getting back at me reality. But

[56:43] yeah, I like the idea that like each time they blow up a thing,

[56:45] there's a smaller thing that comes out after them. There's

[56:48] something kind of Looney Tunes-y about it.

[56:49] Sonic does some flossing. So you know that kids are into it. Dan

[56:53] was into it. Dan loves TikTok.

[56:55] Wait, explain to me what you're talking about. Because I don't

[56:58] remember that. At first I thought you meant he actually flossed

[57:01] with something and I was like,

[57:02] No, he does a little dance. Yeah, Dan, show us the dance.

[57:05] I didn't know that that was called flossing. Okay.

[57:07] Yeah, that's the dance. Yeah, yep.

[57:10] Yeah, I see it, Dan.

[57:12] People who can't see me, I'm doing it 100% perfectly. It's

[57:16] not jerky at all. It's like, I'm not really thinking about it

[57:19] while I'm doing it.

[57:22] Dan said people who can't see me, which means all 6 billion

[57:25] people in the world except for three other people.

[57:27] Yeah. The audience of this stupid thing.

[57:32] So that's called flossing.

[57:33] Yeah, that's called flossing. So Sonic then manages to get the

[57:37] final drone turns into a little bomb and Sonic manages to get

[57:41] hurt in the explosion and knocked out. And then Sonic is

[57:46] whisked away to San Francisco where Tom takes him to be healed

[57:50] by his veterinarian wife, who, as I mentioned before, is

[57:53] staying with her sister in San Francisco. She is obviously

[57:57] nonplussed about a blue alien monster that just appeared in

[58:00] her home, or her sister's home. Her sister is not very happy

[58:04] because of course, Tom is there. Her sister's daughter has tied

[58:08] her up to a chair, which, you know, is just a running goof.

[58:11] Like it's, you know, that's the kind of jokes we get in this

[58:13] movie.

[58:14] I mean, later on, she's like, I have to go to the bathroom. And

[58:16] then hours later, she's still tied up. And it's like, that's

[58:18] torture. They're torturing this woman. Like that is the

[58:21] definition of torture. Like, come on.

[58:23] Also, also, the sister may unreasonably like Tom just in

[58:27] general, but just like Tom, to be fair, at this point,

[58:30] you can't unreasonably like James Marsden. He's giving you

[58:32] so many reasons to like him. There's nothing unreasonable

[58:34] about that.

[58:35] But at this point, he is a wanted man who is on the news

[58:42] for domestic terrorism, carrying an alien into her home. So she

[58:48] has more reason at this point to be disturbed by his presence.

[58:51] Yeah.

[58:54] So they make a plan to go to the pyramid building and get the

[58:56] rings. So Tom and Maddie go along with Sonic. I wrote this

[59:00] sentence before, before the end happened here, but I wrote,

[59:05] they find the rings, become best friends and get interrupted by

[59:08] Robotnik, which I wrote moments before Robotnik actually showed

[59:12] up.

[59:14] Because I knew it was gonna happen.

[59:16] Now, before this point, also Robotnik, he did an experiment

[59:19] on Sonic's quill. And it was so powerful, he overloaded his

[59:23] entire mobile lab. And so he, he knows he can power all of his

[59:28] machines with Sonic's energy if he can capture him.

[59:30] Yeah, yeah, I've been kind of, I've been kind of glossing over

[59:33] the Robotnik elements of this movie, but Jim Carrey gives it

[59:36] his all. I mean, I feel like he gives such a big performance

[59:39] that I feel like Sonic and Robotnik, the whole time, I'm

[59:42] just like, get these two annoying people together, so I

[59:45] don't have to deal with them anymore.

[59:48] See, but like, I like Jim Carrey's performance in this, I

[59:51] agree with what Elliot said before, like, I found it very

[59:54] like comforting to see Jim Carrey giving a Jim Carrey

[59:57] performance again, because like, Jim Carrey is like

[1:00:00] Like, he has proven in a few movies that he's, you know, quite a good dramatic actor, but

[1:00:07] then he got kind of sidetracked into doing bad dramas, like, unlike, say, Eternal Sunshine,

[1:00:15] where he started out, like, kind of in that zone, doing good stuff.

[1:00:19] He's been in bad dramas and children's movies exclusively.

[1:00:23] And this is a children's movie, but it's more of like, I think, like a crossover children's

[1:00:27] movie where it's not just, like, I don't know, Mr. Popper's Penguins or something,

[1:00:31] where, like, it's fun to see him do a big, silly performance again, and he's committing.

[1:00:37] I think the fact that Mr., that, I was about to say Mr. Robotnik, I forgot about his Ph.D.

[1:00:41] At least, that's his father.

[1:00:43] Yeah.

[1:00:44] Mr. Robotnik is my father.

[1:00:45] Call me Dr. Robotnik.

[1:00:46] That's a joke they should have had in the movie.

[1:00:50] That Dr. Robotnik is never presented as a scary or in any way realistic character.

[1:00:55] He is just an over-the-top cartoon villain, and Jim Carrey is the perfect person to do

[1:01:00] that, and that there's never, and also, and like, Jim Carrey seems to be the one person

[1:01:05] in the movie who I don't remember them making any, like, pop culture references that kids

[1:01:09] wouldn't get.

[1:01:10] Like, his jokes are awful.

[1:01:11] So much of it is just him either insulting people or, like, saying things in a funny

[1:01:15] way.

[1:01:16] There's a part where his assistant, who he's mean to, says something about, like, I brought

[1:01:19] you this latte with Austrian goat milk.

[1:01:20] I thought you might like it.

[1:01:21] And he goes, am I an idiot?

[1:01:23] Of course I want one.

[1:01:25] I love the way you make it!

[1:01:26] And he just shouts it as loud as possible, and I was like, that's a dumb joke.

[1:01:30] Like, the joke is just that, of course he loves it, but, like, the way he delivers it

[1:01:34] is so huge that I laughed at it, and it's just, like, it's really, it was very fun to

[1:01:39] me to see him, like, just doing that kind of character, and, like, he's really good

[1:01:44] at, like, certain types of movements that, you know, like, real, like, clown body movements.

[1:01:48] Would you say he's a physical comedian, Elliot?

[1:01:52] I mean, he's certainly a comedian who uses his body as an instrument more than, say,

[1:01:57] Stephen Wright, a comedian who could be doing the same act if he was a brain in a jar.

[1:02:02] He was doing some dancing around, Elliot, in the scene that you were just now referencing

[1:02:06] where he discovers the energy powers of Sonic, that I was, like, you know, Jim Carrey's not

[1:02:13] a young man at this point, and I was amazed at some of the physical stuff he was doing

[1:02:17] in that scene.

[1:02:19] I think, well, he's, you know, he's in good shape.

[1:02:21] He's the J-Lo of male comedy performers in that, at his age, his body is impeccable,

[1:02:26] but I think, like, there's that scene in Bloodshot that we watched recently where the bad guy

[1:02:30] is, like, dancing to Psycho Killer, and the whole point of it is this is, like, a cliche

[1:02:35] thing, and when Jim Carrey does it, it is cliche for the villain to have, like, a little

[1:02:39] dance, but Jim Carrey is so good at moving himself that I was, like, oh, I could watch

[1:02:43] this for a while, so it was just, I liked those, I liked seeing him on, it was called

[1:02:46] the Dr. Robotnik movie.

[1:02:48] I would have been, like, all right, maybe I'll like this movie, but then, instead, Sonic's

[1:02:52] got to come in and spout out, like, 40, like, quick jabs constantly, and it's too much.

[1:02:59] I'll just say that Jim Carrey is great in this, but the fact that he was cast as Dr.

[1:03:04] Robotnik is, again, like, a very 90s element of this movie, like, that casting is straight

[1:03:09] of, like, an issue of Wizard Magazine.

[1:03:12] Because if it was, yeah, it would be Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik, Howie Long as Venom,

[1:03:18] of course, Glenn Danzig as Wolverine, and probably Glenn Danzig as Knuckles.

[1:03:24] Who would, who do you think Wizard would cast as the, in the Sonic movie?

[1:03:26] Who else, who would they cast as Sonic, like?

[1:03:29] I mean, I feel like they would get some, who's that wrestler with the slick back hair?

[1:03:34] That guy would be, that guy would be Knuckles.

[1:03:36] Oh, Slicky?

[1:03:37] I can't remember his name.

[1:03:39] For Sonic, it would either be, like, Danny DeVito, or, because he's short, or it would

[1:03:44] be, like, I don't know, somebody who, because they would either cast it just on appearance,

[1:03:50] or it would be on, like, someone that they thought was cool because they were a wrestler

[1:03:54] or a football player, but Gambit would be Jean-Claude Van Damme, which is actually great

[1:04:00] casting, and...

[1:04:03] We're still casting the Sonic movie, right?

[1:04:05] Yeah, the Sonic movie.

[1:04:06] Yeah, but I don't know the Sonic characters, so.

[1:04:09] And Tails would be, like, what, like, I don't know.

[1:04:13] Macaulay Culkin.

[1:04:14] That's what I was thinking, too, Macaulay Culkin, yeah.

[1:04:17] Look, this is Wizard casting, they can get big stars.

[1:04:19] Yeah, I mean, I feel like, when I said that Robotnik is annoying, it isn't an indictment

[1:04:25] of Jim Carrey's performance.

[1:04:27] I feel like the character is meant to be annoying like a non-threatening villain in a children's

[1:04:31] movie is.

[1:04:32] Oh, yes, very much so, yeah, yeah.

[1:04:35] So, they have a big fight, Sonic pushes his friends off a building, he plays drums on

[1:04:41] a bunch of bullets, and then he starts to run away and we learn, uh-oh, Robotnik has

[1:04:47] managed to supercharge his little spaceship thing, now he's just as fast as Sonic, or

[1:04:54] is he?

[1:04:55] We'll find out.

[1:04:56] So, we are now back at the beginning of the movie, where Robotnik is chasing him around

[1:05:00] San Francisco.

[1:05:01] Full circle, it's a real last year at Merriam-Bad.

[1:05:04] I want to make it clear, he did not push his friends off a building to their death,

[1:05:09] he did it with a ring that sent them back to Green Hills.

[1:05:14] Yeah, well, but we don't know that at first, at first we just see him push them off the

[1:05:17] building, he says, you've done your use to me, I'm done with you, and he pushes them

[1:05:20] off the building, and we're like, wow, that was cold, Sonic.

[1:05:23] And then he looks at the camera and goes, ain't I a stinker?

[1:05:28] And then James, and then both their bodies splat on the ground and he's like, ehh.

[1:05:33] And then he jabs.

[1:05:34] He jabs.

[1:05:35] And he goes.

[1:05:36] Yeah, the next we see them, they're crawling out of a James Martian shaped hole in the

[1:05:40] cement.

[1:05:41] Yeah, and they're like, ehh, and there's little tails fluttering around their heads.

[1:05:46] Yeah, that's great.

[1:05:47] Yeah, so, they're running around San Francisco, they take this fight out of San Francisco,

[1:05:51] of course.

[1:05:52] Sonic starts throwing rings.

[1:05:53] Let me say, I want to mention only, sorry to interrupt that, San Francisco, a notoriously

[1:05:57] overcrowded city, and that's why the real estate prices are so high and everything,

[1:06:01] the streets are so empty, there's maybe one car per road because they have to CGI the

[1:06:05] whole thing.

[1:06:06] And I was like, it is a slow day in San Francisco.

[1:06:08] Maybe this is happening during the quarantine, like there's nobody out on the streets.

[1:06:12] So they throw a ring and they go to Egypt, where else do they go before, they eventually

[1:06:17] just end up back in Green Hills because Sonic has a limited imagination.

[1:06:21] Do they go to, yeah, where do they go aside from Egypt?

[1:06:24] I was waiting for them to be like all over the world, but they don't go that many places.

[1:06:28] No, the Great Wall, that was on his bucket list.

[1:06:31] That's right, and they run the Great Wall, and he's like, finally, I can open up.

[1:06:35] And he doesn't, again, they should be knocking over tourists left and right, but there's

[1:06:39] nobody on the Great Wall.

[1:06:40] Now, for a big special effects movie, the imagination of this film is limited in terms

[1:06:47] of scope.

[1:06:48] Yeah, I mean, he should have opened a portal to the moon, runs past Neil Armstrong, and

[1:06:52] he's like, one small step for a man, one giant leap for a hedgehog.

[1:06:56] And then Ground Control's like, what was that?

[1:06:58] And then he goes through Paris, and they run up and down the Eiffel Tower, and a mime

[1:07:01] goes sacre bleu, and then covers his mouth with his hands, because he's not supposed

[1:07:04] to talk.

[1:07:05] He's a mime.

[1:07:06] Oh, there is a mime joke, right?

[1:07:07] Like, they do go to Paris.

[1:07:08] Oh, you're right.

[1:07:09] They do go to Paris, and there is a mime, and this girl does not enjoy this mime, and

[1:07:12] then she sees Sonic behind the mime and laughs.

[1:07:14] That's not the mime joke they should do.

[1:07:15] They should have done my mime joke.

[1:07:16] Yeah, yeah.

[1:07:17] And then like, they go to, I don't know, Japan, and there's samurai or something.

[1:07:21] You know, kids' ideas of what countries are like.

[1:07:23] Countries are still what we think they are.

[1:07:24] They go to the Wild West.

[1:07:27] I wrote a joke once for the Daily Show that did not make it on the air, I think.

[1:07:30] That was during the big uprising in Tahrir Square that overthrew Mubarak.

[1:07:35] And I was like, so now there's a new thing for us to know about Egyptian history.

[1:07:38] And I had a timeline of Egyptian history, and it said pyramids, 3000 BC, and then nothing

[1:07:43] until now, because all Americans know about Egypt is the pyramids, which is thousands

[1:07:49] of years ago.

[1:07:50] But they didn't, instead they just did the pyramids and the Great Wall, and then that

[1:07:52] one moment in France.

[1:07:53] Yeah.

[1:07:54] But not as good as mine.

[1:07:55] Okay, so Sonic eventually ends up back here.

[1:07:57] They go to Rio, and it's Carnival, and Sonic's like hiding behind ladies' butts.

[1:08:01] Like also, you would love that, Dan.

[1:08:03] So they end up in Green Hills.

[1:08:06] All the locals show up.

[1:08:08] It looks like Sonic gets blasted, and he's lying on the ground, and we're like, whoa,

[1:08:14] Sonic's dead.

[1:08:15] And then like, Tom starts to stand up.

[1:08:17] Wait, hold on.

[1:08:18] If I get it, so Jamel, did you think Sonic was dead at this point?

[1:08:20] I did not, no.

[1:08:22] Okay.

[1:08:23] So he's just speaking for himself then.

[1:08:27] So everybody assumes Sonic is dead.

[1:08:29] He's covered in scorch marks, and you're like, man, he got roasted.

[1:08:34] And then Tom uses a ring to jump on the back of Robotnik's thing, and you're like, oh,

[1:08:40] wait, oh, that didn't work.

[1:08:41] And then Tom pledges his eternal friendship, which of course wakes Sonic up in friendship

[1:08:47] lightning.

[1:08:48] Sonic, like, is totally cheesed out.

[1:08:50] He's like super yoked.

[1:08:52] And he starts bouncing all around and blasting Robotnik before knocking him onto the Mushroom

[1:08:56] Planet.

[1:08:57] The locals rally around Sonic.

[1:09:01] After one crazy weekend, they all decide to just move back to Montana.

[1:09:06] A government official shows up with an Olive Garden gift certificate.

[1:09:10] To thank them for covering up the situation, and I assume getting rid of Robotnik.

[1:09:15] Yeah.

[1:09:16] Yeah.

[1:09:17] This seemed unclear to me, like, what the hell?

[1:09:19] Like, why the government, who sent in Robotnik, is suddenly like, oh, we're cool with you

[1:09:24] just keeping this alien, and thanks for everything you did.

[1:09:28] And it's like, okay, like, I would appreciate at least one scene before that where they're

[1:09:33] like calling him and be like, Robotnik, you're destroying cities, or like, I don't know.

[1:09:37] It just seemed very strange that they just turned around immediately and were like, thanks

[1:09:41] for your service.

[1:09:42] It was also around this time that I started wondering, how old is Sonic supposed to be?

[1:09:46] Like, is he a kid, or is he a grown-up?

[1:09:48] Because if he's a kid, there's something very weird about James Marsden, like, sharing a

[1:09:51] hotel room with this kid that he just met.

[1:09:53] Yeah.

[1:09:54] But if he's a grown-up, then it's very weird that he's like, just wearing shoes and no

[1:09:58] other clothes.

[1:09:59] It's a 90s movie.

[1:10:00] Young teen, young teen is the vibe I got, I don't know.

[1:10:04] Okay, he's ageless and eternal, okay, yeah.

[1:10:06] Yeah.

[1:10:08] Yeah, so they welcome Sonic into their home.

[1:10:10] We get a post-credits scene where Jim Carrey

[1:10:12] fully goes Dr. Robotnik.

[1:10:14] He looks just like the guy in the video game,

[1:10:16] which is like such a classic adaptation of a property

[1:10:20] where they're like, we're gonna introduce you

[1:10:22] to the bad guy before he actually looks like

[1:10:25] the bad guy you're familiar with.

[1:10:26] Yeah.

[1:10:28] To that end, I just wanna say him with his crazy mustache

[1:10:32] like growling to himself on this really kind of

[1:10:35] fun-looking mushroom planet, I was like,

[1:10:37] this is the movie I wanted to watch the whole time.

[1:10:39] Yeah, it's kinda how I felt when I saw Joker,

[1:10:41] and at the end, he's the Joker, and I was like,

[1:10:43] okay, I'm kinda interested to see what the Joker does now,

[1:10:45] and then the credits started, and I was like, wait, what?

[1:10:48] I just watched this guy be sad for two hours,

[1:10:51] now he's finally the Joker and the movie's done?

[1:10:53] And then we get our second post-credits scene,

[1:10:56] and that's Tails, baby!

[1:10:58] Yeah, Tails hops through and goes,

[1:11:00] my reader device says that Sonic should be here

[1:11:03] and flies off into the distance,

[1:11:05] and that was when I turned to my wife,

[1:11:06] she was not watching the movie with me,

[1:11:08] but she happened to be in the room,

[1:11:09] and I turned to her and I was like,

[1:11:11] so when the first Avengers movie ended

[1:11:14] and Thanos turned around and I got really excited,

[1:11:17] is this that, like, was that as dumb as the idea

[1:11:20] that the audience would get excited

[1:11:22] that Tails is gonna be in the next movie?

[1:11:24] Is my stuff that I'm passionate about

[1:11:26] as stupid as this stuff?

[1:11:28] And guys, I gotta-

[1:11:29] Probably, Elliot.

[1:11:30] Probably, I gotta hope that Jim Starlin's

[1:11:33] philosophical work in the Thanos comics

[1:11:36] did not make it so, but there was part of me,

[1:11:38] it really brought me down to be like, okay,

[1:11:40] so when I get excited, when one of my characters shows up,

[1:11:42] it's just as stupid as if I was there

[1:11:45] and Tails showed up and I was like, Tails, yeah!

[1:11:47] I mean, I'll defend the difference there,

[1:11:50] because Thanos is kind of a deep cut,

[1:11:54] not every single person who's familiar

[1:11:55] with Marvel comics would know who he was prior to that,

[1:12:00] and Tails is in the title

[1:12:02] of the second or third Sonic game, right?

[1:12:05] Yeah, okay, yeah, that's true.

[1:12:06] Yeah, there's a-

[1:12:07] So that makes it better

[1:12:08] that they're introducing him as a character?

[1:12:10] I don't know.

[1:12:11] No, it makes it-

[1:12:12] All right, go ahead, Stuart.

[1:12:13] I was just gonna say, Elliot, it's not the same.

[1:12:16] Okay, thank you.

[1:12:19] I was watching this with my wife,

[1:12:21] and this is the point at which she looked up

[1:12:23] and goes, the fuck is that?

[1:12:25] And I said, it's a fox.

[1:12:30] Yeah, similarly, as long as we're telling the stories

[1:12:35] about watching this with our significant others,

[1:12:37] I, like, toward the end, Audrey was like,

[1:12:41] so do you think we're gonna, I guess,

[1:12:43] are we gonna see Tails?

[1:12:44] And I'm like, no, I guarantee you,

[1:12:46] the last thing in this movie is gonna be Tails appearing

[1:12:49] and being like, saying something like,

[1:12:51] finally, I found him, or something like that.

[1:12:54] And lo and behold, that's exactly what happens

[1:12:56] at the end of this movie.

[1:12:57] Exactly, I wasn't sure if it was gonna be Tails

[1:12:59] or if it was gonna be Knuckles coming through the portal

[1:13:01] and being like, all right, boys, get him,

[1:13:03] you know, or something like that.

[1:13:04] Yeah, that would have been interesting, right?

[1:13:06] Knuckles shows up and is like,

[1:13:08] you know, we gotta finish the job.

[1:13:10] Yeah, yeah.

[1:13:12] But instead, like, Tails is gonna find him and what?

[1:13:13] It's like, I mean, if there's,

[1:13:15] I assume they're gonna make a sequel

[1:13:16] because this movie did well,

[1:13:17] but that might end up being like

[1:13:18] the end of the Super Mario Brothers movie

[1:13:20] where the princess comes through the portal

[1:13:21] with this huge gun and is like, we need your help.

[1:13:23] And we never found out what that was about

[1:13:25] because they never made another movie.

[1:13:28] Man, I love it.

[1:13:29] Yeah, so that was Sonic the Hedgehog.

[1:13:31] It was like, just exactly enough of a movie.

[1:13:35] I didn't hate it.

[1:13:37] Wait, wait, wait, wait, if you're giving, wait, we,

[1:13:40] how many years have we been doing this podcast?

[1:13:43] Like, I feel like every time we do it.

[1:13:45] Too many, Dan, too many.

[1:13:47] People start giving their final judgments

[1:13:50] before we introduce the segment

[1:13:52] that we've established since the beginning,

[1:13:54] which is called Final Judgments.

[1:13:56] You're right, Dan, let's start being professional now.

[1:13:58] I guess I should,

[1:13:59] so should I just continue talking about this movie

[1:14:01] without any opinion injected, Dan?

[1:14:04] Should I talk about it like I'm one of Robotnik's drones,

[1:14:07] perhaps?

[1:14:08] We have a dedicated segment where you give your opinion,

[1:14:12] yet you feel like you must give it beforehand.

[1:14:15] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[1:14:18] or a movie you kinda like,

[1:14:20] Stuart, what were you gonna say about it?

[1:14:21] You have an opinion about it.

[1:14:23] Oh, oh, you want my opinion now, whoa, okay.

[1:14:26] Yes, during the right to the next question.

[1:14:27] Okay, I don't know, it was fine, it was short.

[1:14:31] I actually like, you know, there's a lot of jokes.

[1:14:36] I don't know what it would be like if you're a parent

[1:14:38] and you have to watch this with your kid a million times,

[1:14:41] but yeah, it was fine.

[1:14:43] I guess it's not a movie I like,

[1:14:46] and it's not really, I don't know,

[1:14:50] I guess it's a movie.

[1:14:52] It's almost like this shows why

[1:14:53] our Final Judgment segment is a little flawed

[1:14:55] in that so often the movies don't fit the three categories.

[1:14:58] I mean, people can say that in the segment,

[1:15:00] I just want to, you know.

[1:15:04] I would say this movie is, as people have said,

[1:15:07] it's relatively short at an hour 40,

[1:15:11] it could've been 90 minutes.

[1:15:13] When I watch a movie like.

[1:15:15] 90 minutes, what would you cut, Dan?

[1:15:17] The part where Sonic is just riding

[1:15:18] a mechanical bull for no reason?

[1:15:21] Probably.

[1:15:22] When I watch a movie like this that has so little

[1:15:25] in the way of interesting plot turns or characterization,

[1:15:30] I am amazed at movies or TV shows that are much shorter,

[1:15:33] that pack in so much character development

[1:15:38] and interesting plot turns.

[1:15:39] I'm like, how do these exist in the same universe?

[1:15:42] Do better movies have some sort of time dilation power

[1:15:46] where they're able to stuff this stuff in?

[1:15:49] So, I don't know.

[1:15:51] This movie looks okay.

[1:15:53] The director is an animation director

[1:15:55] and the actors are giving it their all.

[1:15:57] It just doesn't have much to it.

[1:16:00] I think that if you're eight,

[1:16:03] this is probably a pretty good movie.

[1:16:04] There are a couple off-color jokes

[1:16:05] that don't need to be in there,

[1:16:06] but that's the best I would say about it.

[1:16:09] This movie could be worse.

[1:16:12] Yeah, I didn't quite like it for myself.

[1:16:15] I could see allowing my children to watch it.

[1:16:18] I will say, grading it on the very poor curve

[1:16:21] of video game-based movies,

[1:16:24] I think it probably is pretty,

[1:16:26] is relatively high on that curve.

[1:16:28] Like, if you compare it to like-

[1:16:28] Yeah, it's up there with Double Dragon, right?

[1:16:30] Yeah, yeah, it's right up there with Double Dragon

[1:16:32] and Doom and Chun-Li.

[1:16:34] What was the Street Fighter The Legend of Chun-Li?

[1:16:36] Like, and Mortal Kombat.

[1:16:38] Like, as far as movies based on video games go,

[1:16:41] this is one of the better ones.

[1:16:44] But it's still not,

[1:16:45] I would, if you're over the age of like nine,

[1:16:47] I wouldn't be like, pop it in.

[1:16:48] You're gonna love it.

[1:16:50] So incidentally, we actually watched Mortal Kombat last,

[1:16:54] not last night, but the night before,

[1:16:56] because we were just going through Netflix and it was on,

[1:16:59] and I hadn't seen it in a long time.

[1:17:01] And it was a movie that I watched a ton of as a little kid.

[1:17:05] And Mortal Kombat is a worse movie,

[1:17:08] but it's bad in interesting ways.

[1:17:12] It's sort of like, it's not bland at all.

[1:17:14] It's just sort of like kind of gonzo.

[1:17:16] And that makes it way more enjoyable than Sonic,

[1:17:18] which is objectively a better put-together movie,

[1:17:22] but it's just so bland and paint-by-numbers

[1:17:24] and obviously written by committee

[1:17:29] that it kind of like,

[1:17:30] it's like the only thing about Sonic

[1:17:32] that I would recommend anyone.

[1:17:34] It's just like, yeah,

[1:17:35] I used to see Jim Carrey do his thing for 40 minutes tops.

[1:17:42] And that's fun, I guess.

[1:17:44] But there's nothing like, there's nothing crazy about it.

[1:17:48] It's just sort of like a movie.

[1:17:49] This is definitely, this is the movie you put on

[1:17:52] if you have that car with the TV in the backseat for kids,

[1:17:55] like you just put it on and you ignore it.

[1:17:57] And an hour and 40 minutes later,

[1:17:59] hopefully you've made it through traffic

[1:18:01] and you're where you need to be.

[1:18:03] Well, and it doesn't have like,

[1:18:04] it doesn't have any like super irritating musical numbers.

[1:18:07] It doesn't have like any particularly

[1:18:10] like long extended annoying parts.

[1:18:12] Like I feel like it's actually pretty,

[1:18:15] you know, it goes pretty fast.

[1:18:17] Yeah, them casting Jim Carrey goes a long way for me

[1:18:21] in making it more bearable.

[1:18:24] So I haven't seen Mortal Kombat

[1:18:26] since I saw it in the theaters.

[1:18:28] I kind of remember Goro just walking out

[1:18:30] and then not making a big deal about Goro being there.

[1:18:33] Is that, does that the case or does he get a big buildup?

[1:18:37] No, that's totally the case.

[1:18:38] There's a scene where Kano is like eating chicken

[1:18:41] and Goro's in the chair and the camera turns to Goro

[1:18:44] and just sort of like, oh yeah, here's his like forearmed,

[1:18:47] you know, man guy.

[1:18:48] He's a monster giant with forearms.

[1:18:52] No, I mean, so the thing I had forgotten about that movie

[1:18:54] is it starts with the Mortal Kombat theme song.

[1:18:57] Like there's no, there's no like opening credits

[1:19:00] for anything.

[1:19:01] It's just like immediately the theme song plays

[1:19:03] and it's like at the volumes, like 120%.

[1:19:06] And in all seriousness, like I kind of lost my mind.

[1:19:12] Like I heard it and I was like,

[1:19:14] I got like legitimately excited to watch the movie.

[1:19:16] It was a very strange feeling.

[1:19:18] Yeah, you like look down in your remote control

[1:19:20] had been shattered by your fist.

[1:19:26] Okay.

[1:19:28] Can you guys think of any genuinely good movies

[1:19:30] based on video games?

[1:19:32] Are there any?

[1:19:34] There must be some.

[1:19:35] I want someone to write us in.

[1:19:36] Taking a Pelham one, two, three.

[1:19:38] Yeah, yeah.

[1:19:39] That's based on the video game.

[1:19:40] Sure, yeah.

[1:19:40] And of course there's the movie Descent,

[1:19:42] which is based on that rail shooter, Descent, right?

[1:19:46] Yes, yes, of course.

[1:19:48] I'm looking at a list.

[1:19:51] But are you checking it twice?

[1:19:53] The, oh God, this is not a great,

[1:19:59] this is not a great.

[1:20:00] this at all. Uh, I kinda like the first Resident Evil, like, later on it gets, like, way into,

[1:20:07] uh, like, mythology, and I don't follow it. It's like, it's got as complex a mythology

[1:20:11] as the Fast and Furious movies, which I just ignore the, uh, that element of them. Um,

[1:20:17] Rampage is okay, it's not, I don't know.

[1:20:20] Yeah, Rampage, I thought Rampage was, like, much better than I expected it to be.

[1:20:24] Oh, see, I didn't, I never saw Rampage. I should've, I used to love that game as a kid,

[1:20:28] because it was what I wanted to do, just smash stuff. Wait a minute.

[1:20:31] Do any of the monsters turn into a person in their underpants, though? That's the question.

[1:20:35] That was the best part, yeah. Because it was, like, not so big now, are you, you big bully?

[1:20:40] Yeah, I think they're all just, uh, monsters that have been, like, mutated. I don't think

[1:20:44] they're actually, like, humans that have become monsters in that way.

[1:20:47] Now, guys, I want to take issue with, uh, I'm looking up on Google, uh, movies based

[1:20:51] on video games.

[1:20:52] Oh, oh, I, I, sir, I have an answer to this. Um, it just came up.

[1:20:55] Okay.

[1:20:57] Oh, okay. Uh, now, Google has a category here, fantasy movies about video games, and

[1:21:03] they have some interesting movies in this section. Beowulf, uh, Lord of the Rings, uh,

[1:21:09] Big Trouble in Little China, King Kong, the original, I don't know who's, uh, City of

[1:21:15] Lost Children, I don't know who is, uh, whose algorithm, what algorithm is making these

[1:21:20] video game movies, but, okay, oh, The Wizard. That's a movie based, about video games.

[1:21:23] There you go, great movie, sure.

[1:21:25] They visit those dinosaurs from Peewee's Big Adventure, they introduce the Power Glove

[1:21:29] in Super Mario 3, oh, yeah, it's great.

[1:21:36] Hi, I'm Jackie Cashion.

[1:21:37] Hi, I'm Laurie Kilmartin.

[1:21:38] And we have a podcast called The Jackie and Laurie Show. Who are you, Laurie Kilmartin?

[1:21:43] Oh, my God, so much pressure. Uh, I've been a stand-up, I've been doing stand-up since

[1:21:47] 1987, uh, I'm a writer for Conan, I've written a couple books, have a couple CDs out, have

[1:21:52] a special out.

[1:21:53] Who are you, Jackie?

[1:21:54] Well, I, too, am a stand-up comic since 1984, and, uh, I do the road like a maniac, and,

[1:22:01] uh, don't have a cool writing job, but I have four albums out, working on a new album. We

[1:22:06] talk about stand-up, we talk about, uh, all the different parts of stand-up comedy, so

[1:22:10] that's The Jackie and Laurie Show, and you should subscribe on Maximum Fun if you want

[1:22:15] to hear that. And I would encourage you not to.

[1:22:22] Welcome.

[1:22:23] Thank you, Powell.

[1:22:24] These are real podcast listeners, not actors.

[1:22:27] What do you look for in a podcast?

[1:22:29] Reliability is big for me.

[1:22:31] Power.

[1:22:32] I'd say comfort.

[1:22:33] What do you think of this?

[1:22:35] Oh.

[1:22:39] That's Jordan Jesse Goh.

[1:22:40] Jordan Jesse Goh?

[1:22:41] They came out of the floor? And down from the ceiling?

[1:22:45] That can't be safe.

[1:22:47] I'm upset.

[1:22:48] Can we go now?

[1:22:49] Soon.

[1:22:52] Jordan Jesse Goh, a real podcast.

[1:22:57] Now we go on to, uh, the, woo, apparently on Rotten Tomatoes, the best-ranked, uh, the

[1:23:07] best-ranked video game movie is The Angry Birds Movie 2, which seems strange, but, uh,

[1:23:12] Detective Pikachu is right behind it.

[1:23:15] It's the Empire Strikes Back of the franchise.

[1:23:18] Finally, finally, Angry Birds got serious.

[1:23:20] And, uh, they really, they had a darker story.

[1:23:23] Okay, well, the Flophouse is sponsored in part by ExpressVPN.

[1:23:30] Hey, look, uh, unless you are, uh, an essential worker, and if you are, God bless you, uh,

[1:23:36] stay safe out there, um, you are probably stuck at home a lot.

[1:23:41] And not only can ExpressVPN protect your privacy and security online, but you can also use

[1:23:47] it to unlock movies and television shows that are only available in other countries.

[1:23:53] You may have run out of stuff to watch, uh, already, uh, and you can reuse that, uh, ExpressVPN

[1:24:00] service to change your location to almost 100 different countries.

[1:24:04] Just think about all the extra libraries you'll be able to access.

[1:24:07] For instance, outside of the U.S., you could watch, uh, Star Trek Discovery on Netflix

[1:24:12] UK, uh, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Netflix Australia, Blackadder, also on Netflix UK,

[1:24:20] um, all kinds of movies and television programs.

[1:24:26] So, uh, it's compatible with all of your devices, phones, media consoles, smart TVs, and more.

[1:24:31] You can watch what you want on a personal device or on the big screen, wherever you are.

[1:24:36] If you visit our special link right now at expressvpn.com slash flop, you can get an extra three months

[1:24:43] of ExpressVPN for free, support our show, watch what you want, and protect yourself with ExpressVPN

[1:24:51] at expressvpn.com slash flop.

[1:24:57] No one has anything to say about that, so let's move on to Jumbotrons.

[1:25:01] I think I sent you some Jumbotrons.

[1:25:03] Support our sponsors, that's what I would say.

[1:25:05] I got a Jumbotron, Stuart. Do you want to go first? Do you have one?

[1:25:07] I do! This message is for Murghan.

[1:25:11] The message is from Mert.

[1:25:13] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1:25:16] Introducing Dr. Last Name Withheld.

[1:25:19] I'm so proud of you for passing your dissertation defense, even if you declined to title it.

[1:25:25] Intrigues, intrigues, intrigues!

[1:25:29] You continuously amaze me with your hard work, courage, and caring.

[1:25:33] I'll always be there for you, even after 10 p.m.

[1:25:37] P.S. Tacos for dinner?

[1:25:39] Okay, we end with a mystery.

[1:25:43] That's the extra zazz that you get with a Stuart Wellington Jumbotron read.

[1:25:50] Elliot, he set the mark.

[1:25:53] Pretty high, so let me try if I can outdo it.

[1:25:56] Okay.

[1:25:57] Check out my wife's new book from Northwestern University Press,

[1:26:01] Imitation Artist, Gertrude Hoffman's Life in Vaudeville and Dance.

[1:26:06] Gertrude Hoffman was a dancer in the gay 90s who became a vaudeville superstar

[1:26:10] and one of the highest paid entertainers in America

[1:26:13] through her innovation of bringing over popular dances from overseas

[1:26:16] before the original companies could.

[1:26:19] Sunny Stalter Pace shows how Hoffman influenced the rise of contemporary celebrity culture

[1:26:23] through performance of gender, race, and national identity.

[1:26:26] If you're interested in modernism, theater, and dance history, women, or copyright,

[1:26:31] it's a must read.

[1:26:34] So that's Imitation Artist, Gertrude Hoffman's Life in Vaudeville and Dance.

[1:26:39] You make fun of me as a producer sometimes, but see,

[1:26:42] I do things like making sure to assign Elliot the Jumbotron that mentions vaudeville

[1:26:47] and Stuart the one that mentions tacos.

[1:26:50] So that's the kind of value that I'm bringing to the show as a smart producer.

[1:26:55] You're really earning that $400,000 a year producing bonus.

[1:27:00] Look guys, I took over the board fair and square so I can vote myself.

[1:27:08] Okay, anyway, that bit has petered out, so let's go on to one more thing in this section

[1:27:14] which is to remind listeners that MaxFun is running a survey to help figure out

[1:27:19] which advertisers are a good fit for our audience.

[1:27:22] We are still primarily audience supported, and we realize that times are tough right now.

[1:27:29] We appreciate anyone who is supporting us, and we will always continue to be audience supported,

[1:27:34] but advertising can be a big help, especially right now.

[1:27:39] The results of the survey will help us talk to new advertisers, convince them to give us a shot.

[1:27:44] It's short. It shouldn't take more than 10 minutes, and you'll get a discount at the MaxFun store

[1:27:49] for filling it out as well as our gratitude.

[1:27:52] So go to MaximumFun.org slash ad survey to fill it out.

[1:27:58] I filled out that survey as a MaxFun listener, and I enjoyed it, but I also like filling out surveys.

[1:28:04] It makes me feel important.

[1:28:07] Oh, they care what I think? Yeah, sure. Monetize this, please.

[1:28:11] Okay, so we've bored Jamel long enough, so let's move on to a non-businessy section of recording the podcast.

[1:28:18] I mean, that's usually what you would say when we would end the show and let him go finally for the day.

[1:28:23] We've bored Jamel long enough. Let's do 30 more minutes of the show.

[1:28:27] He's like, please let me go back to my wife and darling child that we've seen in the background running around.

[1:28:34] No, but we have to do letters first.

[1:28:38] This first letter is from John Lastname Withheld. It's titled,

[1:28:42] From Cincinnati.

[1:28:43] A Worthless Peter Riegert Story.

[1:28:46] Love it already.

[1:28:47] Dear Flophouse, you guys were talking about Peter Riegert in the Oscar episode, and I wanted to share my Peter Riegert anecdote.

[1:28:54] When I was a kid around 1994, my mom had heard they were filming something a few blocks away from my house in Portland, Oregon,

[1:29:04] and that Peter Riegert was in it.

[1:29:06] Mom loved Peter Riegert because Local Hero is her and dad's favorite movie.

[1:29:11] I remember that Jane Curtin was also filming in this thing, and my IMDb sleuthing tells me it was the pilot episode of Mystery Dance.

[1:29:21] Anyway, we rode our bikes to set.

[1:29:24] I got to meet –

[1:29:25] Wait, Dan, I like the – it's Peter Riegert they love. They love Local Hero. Here's their favorite.

[1:29:29] Jane Curtin was also there.

[1:29:31] What a snub to Jane Curtin.

[1:29:34] Not the Kate and Allie fan that they are, the Local Hero fan.

[1:29:39] They like Kate but not Allie. Which was which on that show?

[1:29:42] I don't know. That's a show that I watched.

[1:29:45] I remember watching it as a young child, and it's one of those ones where I'm like – the premise didn't seem targeted at me.

[1:29:54] No, I don't think you were – I used to watch it every day in syndication, and to this day, the only episode –

[1:30:00] I remember is the flashback episode that was just them recapping scenes from previous episodes

[1:30:05] I mean like hey, I remember when but I as a kid, I think I don't remember what the premise was as a kid

[1:30:11] I just assumed they were married. I assumed they were lesbians who were married. No, there were

[1:30:16] Two that you know, that would probably have been a better show, but there were two

[1:30:22] divorcees who were

[1:30:24] You know living together moved to their families in together

[1:30:28] Anyway, yeah, that doesn't sound targeted to you and that usually makes you pretty angry based on your letterbox reviews, right?

[1:30:34] When the media isn't targeted toward you

[1:30:37] I

[1:30:39] I'm just often

[1:30:40] Astounded by the things I watch as a TV as a kid just because they're on TV

[1:30:45] When there are not things that like my life experience at that time as a child would have set me up to enjoy

[1:30:49] I've often said the the show dear John with Judd Hirsch about a very sad man recovering from his divorce

[1:30:58] You know, maybe today it would have I mean like I'm I'm not sad anymore

[1:31:02] But like a few years ago, it may have spoken to me very well, but right now but as a kid

[1:31:08] I don't know what I saw that

[1:31:11] The fact that as a kid my favorite things to watch were Gremlins 2 Golden Girls and Empty Nest

[1:31:17] It was like yeah

[1:31:19] I was either watching a Golden Girls Empty Nest hour or I was watching Gremlins 2 or the Dark Crystal and for some reason those

[1:31:24] Were equivalent levels of entertainment to me

[1:31:26] I mean that's sort of the magic of like the age of cable and just like

[1:31:31] TVs on whatever it's on you get you as a kid. You can just stumble on the stuff that

[1:31:36] Makes no sense for a child to watch but some kids are really taken with it

[1:31:41] So like when I was, you know, 10 or 11, I watched all of mash because it came on on

[1:31:48] TV land right before I went to bed

[1:31:50] And so I ended up just like over the course of two years like watching most of that series

[1:31:56] And on Saturdays, I think there was a it was like a two-hour long block every hour and a half or whatever

[1:32:02] And it was designing women and then in the heat of the night

[1:32:08] Every Saturday

[1:32:10] That's can't miss television, you know, our kids will never know that cuz my son

[1:32:14] He's just like newsies put it on and he could just watch newsies whenever

[1:32:17] So it's never gonna have to know what it's like to be like what's on television

[1:32:21] I guess it's what's going in my face right now is yeah, this syndicated show from when I was from before I was born, you know

[1:32:28] Wow, he'll never know the joy of WKRP in Cincinnati

[1:32:33] Nobody will because they can't release the original episode. I know it's a clearance, right?

[1:32:37] It's a shame because that's actually a very very funny show. Anyway

[1:32:41] Anyway, we wrote our bikes a set. I got to meet Peter Riegert and this lady who my mom thought was Jane Curtin

[1:32:48] Peter Riegert

[1:32:49] Was super cool and talked to my mom and I for about 10 minutes and even signed my baseball glove

[1:32:54] I've been a big fan of those every ever since and I've always been delighted when he pops up and stuff

[1:32:59] I still have that baseball glove somewhere though. The autograph has like likely faded

[1:33:05] Oh, and it turns out that wasn't Jane Curtin. Thanks for the laughs and keep on flopping John lasting without so double insult to Jane Curtin

[1:33:13] Yeah, usually when you say a person that I thought was so-and-so it you're the implications pretty clear that it wasn't that person like

[1:33:19] Yeah, it's never like and then I ran into someone. I was pretty sure was Arnold Schwarzenegger and it was

[1:33:26] Also, I

[1:33:27] Tipped the twist ending by really punching that I thought was Jane Curtin

[1:33:32] Yeah, I knew the I knew the end of the beginning

[1:33:34] So how much do you think a baseball glove signed by Peter Riegert would go for because again, he's not a baseball player, you know

[1:33:40] almost

[1:33:42] But at that point are you paying for the autograph or for the quality of the baseball glove

[1:33:49] Sometimes you meet it. Sometimes you meet a celebrity and you just need them have signed something

[1:33:53] I have a friend

[1:33:54] Who when we were in college?

[1:33:56] George Clinton was performing and signing records at the bookstore and she went and didn't have a George Clinton record

[1:34:02] but how I had a copy of the wealth of nations on her until she has a

[1:34:05] George Clinton signed copy of Adam Smith's the wealth of nations

[1:34:09] That's even better than my copy of Elmer Gantry signed by Neil Gaiman because that was the book I had on me at the time

[1:34:15] Maybe George Clinton did write wealth of nations. I mean, it's possible, but there's time travel involved

[1:34:21] Time travel Adam Smith noteworthy notably wrote about funk and

[1:34:31] Right, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad Jamal said funk cuz I I'll admit that I

[1:34:39] Spaced out for a moment and I came back in. I'm like wait, are we talking about Parliament? Fuck? Adele George Clinton?

[1:34:46] No, we're talking about New York governor in the 1790s George

[1:34:51] Also was very funky and that's a valuable autograph because you can't get that anymore. Yeah. Yeah very much

[1:34:58] He was he came after he came after New York governor Bootsy Throckmorton

[1:35:02] Okay

[1:35:04] Okay, this second and final letter is from

[1:35:08] Tony last name withheld who writes hey flop crew, you know, it's interesting about Tony

[1:35:13] It's his middle name is Tony and his last name is Tony, but they're all spelled differently

[1:35:17] That is interesting. My friends and I just started a movie group so we can connect with each other

[1:35:23] During this time. Do you have any tips for engaging?

[1:35:27] Conversation on movies, are there any thought-provoking questions you rely on?

[1:35:33] I don't I don't have a good one here other than like I

[1:35:38] Do think it's interesting to sort of look at the individual elements of a movie

[1:35:45] you know direction versus writing versus acting versus

[1:35:50] Look of a film even though they're all so deeply interconnected. You don't want to separate them completely

[1:35:57] it's a way that you can kind of talk about movies without just

[1:36:00] saying I liked it or didn't like it because they're there there may be you know mixed elements in it that you like or just

[1:36:06] like I but I would say

[1:36:08] Maybe put a little effort into researching

[1:36:12] what different people are

[1:36:16] Are into or like what they do on a movie because

[1:36:19] This is a weird like personal pet peeve, but I often find people like

[1:36:25] Complaining about movies they think are too long and being like, oh

[1:36:30] They needed a good editor on this movie like that's really like a screenplay problem

[1:36:35] Compounded by the director not knowing what to cut

[1:36:39] after seeing the screenplay shot like the editor is not like necessarily making decisions on like

[1:36:47] Like oh, let's just cut out this entire subplot unless he's like making Annie Hall or something

[1:36:52] So unless unless the editor is Ralph Rosenblum you do not it's probably not in his purview

[1:36:57] yeah, well, I I guess I'm making assumptions about what the audience knows, but like that movie was vastly different and

[1:37:06] Woody Allen was a

[1:37:08] Nation filmmaker at that time and didn't quite know how to do it

[1:37:13] And so there a lot of that film was made in the editing. You've read his book, right? Yes

[1:37:17] When the shooting stops the cutting begins, it's a great book

[1:37:20] But it's like it's it's kind of funny because it's also like and here's another story about a movie. I saved

[1:37:29] That's cool, yeah, I feel like I

[1:37:32] Mean, I would say do something like what our buddies over at blank check do which is you can always look at a movie in

[1:37:38] The context of when it was released and what other movies came out around the same time

[1:37:43] And I think it I think that leads some kind of fun conversation

[1:37:47] But that might that might just be for you know

[1:37:50] Movie nerds what and also like where it falls in that filmmakers

[1:37:57] Ouvre to use the annoying word I

[1:38:00] Would say I don't have any thought-provoking questions, but I would say a tip for engaging in conversation on movies is to

[1:38:07] avoid

[1:38:08] two definitive

[1:38:09] statements about things that are matters of taste not being like this was the worst movie or this was the best movie or like

[1:38:16] This is anyone who likes this is dumb or like you liked it

[1:38:19] So you're dumb like to just go into it and be ready to

[1:38:22] You piece of shit you get it get out of here

[1:38:25] Like that's not a polite way to talk

[1:38:27] But this to to go into it kind of being open about like if I like a thing and someone else doesn't like it

[1:38:33] That's okay if they like it and I don't like it

[1:38:35] That's okay

[1:38:36] And I want to talk to them and find out

[1:38:38] Why they felt this way or why I felt this way without it becoming a battle unless your relationship with your friends is you like

[1:38:43] to argue with them I like I there's certain friends of mine that I'd like to argue with but

[1:38:47] You kind of have to know how to keep in your mind in certain bounds of like I respect these people and I respect their

[1:38:53] Taste so if we disagree, that's okay, and I don't want to go too far in what I'm saying

[1:38:57] well, also just knowing that like a matter of taste is often informed by

[1:39:03] the perspective of the person which is often informed by like

[1:39:06] The life that they have led which for instance, you know

[1:39:11] If I talk about a movie with Audrey like on a very basic level

[1:39:16] like she as a woman may have concerns that I don't have as a man or like

[1:39:22] you know removing it from that sort of identity like if you

[1:39:27] grew up a certain place with a certain way like

[1:39:30] It's an opportunity to widen your perspective through putting yourself in their shoes, I think

[1:39:36] But it's also even just the fact that like I had to come to terms at a certain point with at that just like

[1:39:42] Big trouble in little China just doesn't do it for me

[1:39:44] But it does it for a lot of my friends and I can't it's not worth it for me to argue either way

[1:39:48] You know, no. No, I think it's important in the age of the Internet to

[1:39:52] To like realize that these are things that are a matter of opinion and not a personal affront

[1:39:57] but I do think that there's like

[1:40:00] Extra level of learning that you can put on top of that and be like, okay, like I'm broadening like my personal perspective by

[1:40:07] Empathy. Oh, yeah for sure. I mean, it's like a movie that I'm surprised hasn't been

[1:40:13] Re-evaluated in some ways is his girl Friday

[1:40:15] And I remember the first time watching that with my wife and maybe like this movie is so funny

[1:40:20] You got to watch it and she's like, okay

[1:40:22] Well, I see this woman constantly being crushed by her husband and then at the end her dreams for her life are destroyed

[1:40:27] It's like, okay. Well, yeah, but it's really funny, right?

[1:40:30] Like it was I had the exact same thing with Audrey who likes the movie who thinks it's very funny

[1:40:36] But it's also like but he's he's a monster horrible to her

[1:40:42] And and we had a similar experience with I spit on my grave, but anyway, so I

[1:40:47] Wait, I spit on my own grave

[1:40:50] Yes, I guess it's I spit on your grave you wouldn't want to spit on your own grave

[1:40:54] We go I spit on my grave where someone has to get revenge on themselves

[1:40:58] Jamal I know I follow you on letterboxd. So I know that you are both a

[1:41:05] Great fan of movies and an incisive writer about them. What do you have to say about this?

[1:41:11] I mean, I guess when I'm like talking to if I'm like at a party or something and talking about movies or you know in

[1:41:17] The before times when there were still parties it when I was

[1:41:20] In movies came up

[1:41:22] Should I not date the podcast like that? Oh parties

[1:41:28] Wait, I'm sorry. What is a par T?

[1:41:33] Going to parties even the before time. No, that's true. I wasn't or if I went there

[1:41:38] I would leave as quickly as possible, which for me was very it took a long time to leave them

[1:41:41] But my my wife would always be like, okay, we want to leave in like an hour start saying goodbye to people

[1:41:47] Yeah, but how would you talk to people I look for stuff that I'm very enthusiastic about in a movie and sort of just to

[1:41:55] Talk about that

[1:41:56] I you know if I find that trying to have a conversation about something unless

[1:42:00] Both people agree that the thing is bad or whatever. It's I think it's kind of difficult to have a

[1:42:06] Negative discussion but say like oh, you know

[1:42:09] Have you seen this movie or we saw this movie and this is this element of the movie?

[1:42:13] I really liked and here's why I in my experience can get people talking either because they disagree or they agree or they can

[1:42:21] Think of other similar examples, you know

[1:42:23] Getting people to be enthusiastic about things tends to in my experience lead to pretty good conversation

[1:42:28] That's yeah

[1:42:30] I mean, yeah

[1:42:31] it's it's all about like trying to find something people are excited about and actually want to talk about I

[1:42:37] find like when I'm bartending I'm always like

[1:42:40] Trying to you know

[1:42:41] I'm trying to find things to talk to people about and I'm like I

[1:42:44] Stopped I stopped saying got any plans for the weekend because I got tired to be like, oh

[1:42:49] No, huh? Just just this, huh? Okay

[1:42:55] You're you're bartending you're like so things going great

[1:42:58] And the customers be like be like a Stewart

[1:43:02] Remember to ask people about themselves not like a Dan who is interested in other people but forgets to do that very simple thing

[1:43:10] No, damn, I mean you assume that people just open themselves up to you without

[1:43:18] Genuine nerve, you know, I've had this talk with many people over the years like I don't want to like blame my upbringing because I have

[1:43:24] my own

[1:43:27] Agency, but I did grow up in a very quiet Midwestern home where

[1:43:32] Asking people about themselves was equivalent to prying a lot of times and we assumed that if people wanted to talk about things

[1:43:39] They would just bring it up

[1:43:41] Now it seems like there's certain parts of the country where people are just quieter and less intrusive and the difference between them

[1:43:47] I'm talking mainly about the Midwest and the Northeast is that the Northeast it's from a spooky point of view

[1:43:52] We're like you can't if you ask somebody about themselves, they may curse you because they're a witch. We're in the Midwest

[1:43:57] It's more like you it's like I don't want to I don't try attention to myself. I won't ask you any questions

[1:44:02] I don't know

[1:44:02] Is that the case Dan or as someone who comes from New Jersey where everyone's always talking loud and wants all the attention

[1:44:07] Constantly is scarfing down pizza at the beach. Like am I wrong from my perspective?

[1:44:12] I'm kind of baffled by what the the bit is here about the witch in the Northeast

[1:44:18] I I mean you got to spend more time in New England

[1:44:20] I guess it's full it's it's everything everything is kind of dark and spooky and scary. Whereas in the Midwest everyone's just kind of quiet

[1:44:27] Yeah, and I was really hoping that you were gonna tell me that the Midwest was also full of folklore

[1:44:34] Children of the corn

[1:44:38] It's

[1:44:40] Like if you go behind the dumpster behind the Bennegan's you

[1:44:45] This is spoken like a true Midwestern that you're like, ah those damn children in the corner out again

[1:44:50] Don't want to make a big fuss about it. Just ignore them

[1:44:53] Just don't you said it like you're you're you're a farmer and they're like, I don't know critters in your in your yard

[1:45:00] They're always

[1:45:02] Someone get the 22 we got to take care of those children of the corn again. You're just you're just young

[1:45:06] Yeah, yeah get get go to someone else's corn

[1:45:10] Now the children of corn. I don't remember it

[1:45:12] Well were they they grew out of corn stalks, right? Like the husk would open and be a child inside. Uh-huh. Yeah sort of

[1:45:19] They're sort of a what do you call them? They're I don't know Yannick cult

[1:45:25] they

[1:45:27] Worship some sort of corn god, I think

[1:45:29] And they kill adults. Yeah

[1:45:34] And Geddes brought them into life by opening a corn stalk and putting a baby in there

[1:45:39] She's the one who in her lab mix the DNA of a baby in a corner. Yeah, I mean considering

[1:45:45] How much of it we eat because of all those government subsidies, I guess we're all children of the corn. Am I right?

[1:45:51] Shots fired corn industry. Anyway, Dan, what do we do next on the podcast next on the podcast?

[1:45:56] We recommend movies that we enjoyed that, you know, leave Sonic to the kids

[1:46:02] Maybe watch one of these

[1:46:04] Now wait before we go Dan

[1:46:06] I just want to say Sammy was very in was very very emphatic that he wanted me to recommend newsies

[1:46:11] I'm not going to recommend it for me

[1:46:12] But if you are you want to wreck watch his favorite movie go watch newsies Dan continue, okay?

[1:46:18] I'm gonna go back a little bit because I've only been watching dumb stuff recently

[1:46:25] And say that you should watch

[1:46:28] Gemini

[1:46:29] Which is kind of a modern?

[1:46:32] neon-drenched

[1:46:35] Like almost like mumble cord noir

[1:46:38] That's focused on

[1:46:41] It's a it's very female focus, which is nice. It is

[1:46:44] Lola Kirk plays the assistant to a

[1:46:49] Woman an actress who's found murdered and

[1:46:54] the

[1:46:56] evidence kind of points to her but it's weirdly kind of pleasantly low stakes in that like

[1:47:02] The evidence kind of points to her but also

[1:47:05] No one seems to be that convinced. It's her but she's

[1:47:09] She's just this kind of industrious

[1:47:12] character and what I liked about it is

[1:47:14] it looks beautiful and

[1:47:17] the

[1:47:18] but mostly the characters feel very lived in like she seems like a character that

[1:47:24] I think I know in life, but don't see in the movies where she's like this

[1:47:30] Young woman up-and-coming

[1:47:32] Sort of like vaguely hipstery, but not like painfully so who is just

[1:47:37] Clearly comes from not that much and is working hard to

[1:47:42] Come up in the world as this woman's assistant

[1:47:45] and

[1:47:47] and kind of like

[1:47:49] half

[1:47:50] Wants to solve the murder mystery because this woman wants to solve the murder mystery

[1:47:56] But she's also kind of like a

[1:47:58] Half wants to solve the murder mystery because this woman was

[1:48:03] Sort of her best friend in a way and half it's just kind of an extension of her being

[1:48:06] This woman's assistant and being like, oh, well, this is the kind of the last thing I can do for her

[1:48:11] Uh, and it's you know

[1:48:13] Funny and a little twisty

[1:48:15] again

[1:48:16] Feels weirdly low stakes for a movie with murder in it, but a lot of fun jim and I now

[1:48:22] I'm confused. This is the angley will smith movie. No, that's jim and I man. Uh

[1:48:28] Right, right, right. This is jim and I woman

[1:48:32] Now this is this is jim and I on the holograms the uh cartoon about the rock band

[1:48:37] uh movie

[1:48:39] Yeah

[1:48:40] It's not jim and I uh, my own astrological sign either. It is just a movie called jim and I

[1:48:46] Oh, you're in the pocket of big star twins. I see. Yep

[1:48:51] So who wants to go next?

[1:48:53] anyone anyone

[1:48:55] anyone

[1:48:56] I'll go

[1:48:58] Okay, so i'm going to recommend a movie. Uh, I watched a little while ago like dan

[1:49:03] But uh, just because i've been so busy with life. This is a movie called in the soup

[1:49:08] It's a movie from 1992

[1:49:10] The star steve buscemi and uh, seymour cassell and it's a very very

[1:49:15] Uh independent movie of the time and it feels so much like the kinds of movies that were coming out of the early 90s

[1:49:20] independent scene and steve buscemi is a

[1:49:23] Screenwriter a want to be kind of like screenwriter and director who's written a 500 page screenplay and needs a producer

[1:49:30] And for some reason this kind of like small-time gangster

[1:49:34] decides that he wants to be the producer for this movie and he really believes in steve buscemi's talent as a filmmaker, but uh

[1:49:40] gets him into a series of kind of like

[1:49:43] uh

[1:49:45] offbeat misadventures and the movie is

[1:49:48] kind of this, uh

[1:49:50] Shaggy dog story kind of a movie but I enjoyed it a lot and seymour cassell is so good in it as this character who like

[1:49:55] Feels really real because he is alternately

[1:49:58] very charismatic

[1:50:00] very strange and very, at times, unlikable.

[1:50:03] And it's just like, this is such a complicated character,

[1:50:08] but he's being presented in this movie

[1:50:09] that is a fairly cartoony movie.

[1:50:11] Anyway, I enjoyed it.

[1:50:12] It's called In the Soup.

[1:50:13] See if you can find it and go watch it.

[1:50:14] I don't know.

[1:50:15] I think it's on Canopy right now.

[1:50:17] Stuart, go.

[1:50:19] I'm just assigning people now.

[1:50:21] Oh, okay.

[1:50:23] I will recommend, I'm gonna recommend a movie

[1:50:26] called Wheels on Meals.

[1:50:28] And before you ask Dan,

[1:50:29] yes, Jackie Chan is in this movie.

[1:50:33] It's directed by Sam Ohung.

[1:50:35] It is about a pair of guys who run a food cart in Spain,

[1:50:41] and they get wrapped up in some crime stuff,

[1:50:45] and Sam Ohung's in it,

[1:50:46] and he's got one of the all-time top 10 perms

[1:50:51] I've ever seen in a movie.

[1:50:53] And it also features a ton of goofy comedy,

[1:50:56] a lot of great slapstick,

[1:50:59] but with all that said,

[1:51:00] it also has some of the craziest, brutal fight scenes,

[1:51:04] like the final fight between Jackie

[1:51:07] and the head henchman, this actor,

[1:51:10] I am probably mispronouncing his name,

[1:51:12] Benny Urquidez, is so intense, and it's so vicious.

[1:51:19] There's stories, there were rumors

[1:51:22] that the two of them did not get along on set,

[1:51:24] but of course they did, because Jackie Chan's great.

[1:51:27] But it's such a violent sequence in a movie

[1:51:32] that is pretty light other than that.

[1:51:35] So check it out, Wheels on Meals.

[1:51:39] Jemel.

[1:51:41] We recently, over two nights, watched Barry Lyndon.

[1:51:46] We were kind of making our way through Kubrick,

[1:51:49] and I had seen a bunch of Kubricks,

[1:51:51] but I had never seen Barry Lyndon,

[1:51:53] and my impression is that a lot of people really like it,

[1:51:57] a lot of people really hate it.

[1:51:59] I absolutely loved it.

[1:52:01] It's maybe the most beautiful movie I've ever seen.

[1:52:04] It's just like gorgeously shot,

[1:52:06] and every frame looks like an actual painting.

[1:52:10] It's slow, but I kind of find it very compelling.

[1:52:14] It's the story of a would-be aristocrat

[1:52:17] and his misadventures through continental Europe

[1:52:21] in the late 18th century.

[1:52:23] It's much more entertaining

[1:52:24] than the way I just made it sound,

[1:52:26] and I would highly recommend it.

[1:52:30] It might be my favorite Kubrick thus far.

[1:52:32] Wow.

[1:52:34] It's a surprisingly funny movie, too, Barry Lyndon.

[1:52:37] Like, I put it off watching it for years

[1:52:40] because I always heard about it,

[1:52:40] oh, it's so slow.

[1:52:41] My dad would be like, what a slow movie,

[1:52:43] and I finally watched it years ago,

[1:52:45] and I was like, oh, this movie's really compelling,

[1:52:48] and it's also really fun.

[1:52:49] Like, I laughed so hard at the end of it,

[1:52:51] it's not really a joke,

[1:52:53] but there's just something about

[1:52:54] it has that kind of tossed-off cynicism in a way.

[1:52:59] I don't know.

[1:53:00] Like, it's a good movie.

[1:53:02] Maybe it might just be the larger moment we're living in,

[1:53:05] but the movie is such a vicious skewering

[1:53:08] of sort of refined, civilized culture.

[1:53:13] I mean, sort of the through line of the whole thing

[1:53:15] is that the aristocracy of the late 18th century

[1:53:19] presents itself as being a courtly gentleman,

[1:53:23] but the entire time they're killing each other

[1:53:25] in various ways, or gambling, or robbing each other blind.

[1:53:30] And so it's a very cynical,

[1:53:36] these people are monsters kind of film.

[1:53:40] And it might just be because we are living in an era

[1:53:42] where our would-be aristocrats were our monsters

[1:53:44] that that really-

[1:53:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:53:47] That really resonates for me.

[1:53:49] I hate to break it to you, they're always monsters.

[1:53:52] Yeah.

[1:53:55] Barry Lyndon was one that I always put off

[1:53:57] because I assumed it was super dry,

[1:53:59] and maybe I just heard that.

[1:54:00] And then I remember coming across a trailer of it,

[1:54:03] and it was so fun and funny,

[1:54:05] and also the prettiest thing I'd ever seen.

[1:54:09] Yeah, I think his reputation has kind of

[1:54:13] been redeemed a bit recently,

[1:54:14] but it still somehow seems to be

[1:54:17] kind of the overlooked Kubrick movie,

[1:54:19] and I also think it's very good.

[1:54:22] Yeah, I think it's better than a lot of his other ones.

[1:54:24] But yeah.

[1:54:26] And for people who love candles,

[1:54:29] this is the movie for you.

[1:54:31] Lots of candles in it.

[1:54:34] All the Chandlers out there.

[1:54:38] Well, okay, guys, we should let Jamel

[1:54:42] get back to doing important things.

[1:54:45] Whether it be writing for The Times,

[1:54:48] or actually spending time with his family.

[1:54:50] I mean, anything other than talking to us

[1:54:53] about Sonic the Hedgehog is more important than that.

[1:54:57] And Dan, I have to go open the takeout window

[1:55:00] at my small business, Dan.

[1:55:02] So that's important.

[1:55:04] And we also have to, like,

[1:55:05] Stuart has been a real trooper here

[1:55:07] with his bad back standing through this whole thing.

[1:55:10] You guys don't like watching me dance around

[1:55:13] in my little screen?

[1:55:15] I did like it, but at a certain point,

[1:55:17] I forgot it was about your back,

[1:55:18] and I was just like,

[1:55:19] Stuart must have, like, a live crab in his pants.

[1:55:22] He's just moving around a lot.

[1:55:25] Jamel, is there anything you wanna plug before we go?

[1:55:30] Read my column at the New York Times.

[1:55:32] Shows up on Tuesdays and Fridays.

[1:55:34] Sent it from a newsletter.

[1:55:36] It's, as time goes on, it's getting much more esoteric.

[1:55:39] I wrote about communist German refugees

[1:55:43] in the 19th century a couple weeks ago.

[1:55:44] They don't really tell me what I can't write about,

[1:55:46] and so I write about anything that interests me,

[1:55:49] and my interests sometimes run very strange.

[1:55:53] I thought that one about the communist

[1:55:55] who became the Civil War,

[1:55:58] was he a general, or was it?

[1:55:59] Yeah, he became a general late in the war, yeah.

[1:56:03] I thought that was a particularly fantastic one.

[1:56:07] Like, I love how far-ranging you've gotten,

[1:56:10] and it's really great, so.

[1:56:12] Thank you.

[1:56:13] Jamel, is your Instagram public, or is it?

[1:56:16] Yeah, no, it's public, yeah.

[1:56:17] So if you wanna, my Instagram, as Elliot suggested,

[1:56:21] I share lots of pictures of old buildings.

[1:56:23] I like old buildings a lot, and yeah.

[1:56:27] So it's like, the Instagram is mostly

[1:56:29] just photographs I take,

[1:56:31] and then the stories is my kid and my dog.

[1:56:35] Well, no, I was gonna say,

[1:56:36] there's two pleasures to your Instagram,

[1:56:38] which is your photos on the main Instagram are beautiful,

[1:56:42] and then your stories often show you cooking,

[1:56:44] which is my particular fascination, so.

[1:56:48] Elliot, were you gonna say something?

[1:56:49] Sorry.

[1:56:49] No, I was gonna ask, one, what you're cooking today,

[1:56:52] and two, I'm constantly also, I'm like,

[1:56:55] how does he find the time to be a parent

[1:56:56] and have a job and take photographs and cook?

[1:56:59] I don't get it.

[1:57:01] He's like some kind of Sonic the Hedgehog,

[1:57:02] moving faster than the speed of light.

[1:57:04] Um, the cooking thing is mostly,

[1:57:08] it's just like I've been doing it for so long

[1:57:09] that I don't know how to organize my life

[1:57:12] if I weren't doing it.

[1:57:13] It's sort of like a grounding thing.

[1:57:16] But tonight, I am making, from the cookbook,

[1:57:20] Madhur Jaffrey, Vegetarian India,

[1:57:24] chickpeas in a fresh cilantro sauce,

[1:57:26] with dry fried okra.

[1:57:30] Okay, somebody insert a drooling emoji, right?

[1:57:35] I think we can only do emojis of hearts

[1:57:38] or people putting their fist in their hand over Skype.

[1:57:42] Yeah, Skype's emoji selection is pretty weak,

[1:57:44] although Zoom's is worse.

[1:57:45] It's just clapping hands or thumbs up,

[1:57:47] and there's no way to express disappointment.

[1:57:51] Well, anyway, so everyone,

[1:57:55] you know, if you've got a little time,

[1:57:57] tell people about the Flophouse,

[1:57:58] because I think our numbers are slightly down

[1:58:00] because people are not commuting or exercising

[1:58:03] during this miserable time.

[1:58:04] Or because the show's bad.

[1:58:05] Or because the show's bad.

[1:58:05] Yeah, there's also that.

[1:58:06] We have taken a real slip in the slide,

[1:58:09] and our episodes are now four to five hours long.

[1:58:11] That's true.

[1:58:13] But mostly, take care of yourselves.

[1:58:15] Take care of your families.

[1:58:17] Be well.

[1:58:18] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:58:21] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:58:23] Elliot Kalin over here.

[1:58:24] Thanks for listening.

[1:58:25] I've been Jamal Bowie.

[1:58:27] See ya. Bye.

[1:58:29] Dan has a new career as a day trader,

[1:58:30] so he's got like three monitors up all the time.

[1:58:33] Right, right.

[1:58:33] Big black Bloomberg terminal with the text going down.

[1:58:37] Exactly.

[1:58:38] He's like, guys, I'd love to recommend a movie,

[1:58:40] but the Nikkei is going crazy right now.

[1:58:42] Yeah.

[1:58:46] Maximumfun.org.

[1:58:47] Click here to subscribe to Maximum Fun.

[1:58:59] Comedy and culture.

[1:59:00] Artist owned.

[1:59:01] Audience supported.

Ep. #312 - Sonic the Hedgehog

Chapters

Transcript

Description