FH Mini 12 - Flop House: The Movie!

[0:00] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house mini for the week i'm dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington

[0:12] for the week i'm ellie kaelin i love that i love that coy way you announced it dan like

[0:16] oh we might be some naughty boys on this one yeah we got a little taste of uh dirty d mc right there

[0:22] yeah i mean the thing is like i don't think we've codified these uh the way we get into

[0:27] these minis the same way we have for our uh regular episodes so i'm just trying some shit

[0:33] out you know no yeah i like it better than the previous standard which was us reminding you to

[0:37] introduce us yeah it's always it's always a messy uh messy entrance but you know what uh i'm a fiend

[0:44] for the drama so whatever yeah well so uh to explain to anyone who had the misfortune of

[0:50] coming in on this episode normally uh we are a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we

[0:55] talk about it that is every other

[0:57] week we have taken to uh doing slightly shorter not so much recently slightly shorter episodes

[1:04] and off weeks about uh whatever strikes your fancy but before we get into this uh mini sewed

[1:11] elliot i think you wanted to say something off the top yes i want to say mini sewed is a combination

[1:17] of two words mini for miniature and sewed from uh yep soda oh it's like one of those

[1:27] tiny bottles of soda that you get it's a portmanteau of yeah it's where you uh you bite the little wax

[1:33] top off of the little bottle and then you suck the delicious soda out of the soda bottle right

[1:37] exactly and that's exactly what i wanted to say also in addition to that i wanted to mention that

[1:42] hey we're currently in the midst of a kind of cool casual low intensity extra long max fun pledge

[1:50] drive that's right everybody we're just kicking back taking it easy and asking you to take a

[1:55] moment to support

[1:57] the podcasts and podcast network that you love we are always grateful for our members maximum

[2:03] members are literally the people who give us the ability to keep the show going uh who make it

[2:10] worthwhile in terms of time in terms of effort in terms of energy and help keep the lights on

[2:16] even though right before we started recording one of dan's lights went off disastrously so oh my god

[2:22] i can't believe you brought that up on the show so embarrassing looks like such an

[2:27] idiot

[2:27] what a moron with his lights that don't work they don't stay on anyway uh this is all about

[2:36] helping us make this show but uh because i shouldn't say but yet because max fun is

[2:41] audience supported most of our money that we make from the show the vast majority of it comes from

[2:46] you the members uh and that means that we're not beholden to some big corporation that tells us

[2:53] what we can and can't talk about no we get to do the shows that we want to do

[2:57] and it's all thanks to you so we really appreciate it we know that this is

[3:00] a difficult time it is for all of us uh and that means that it might not be the easiest time to

[3:07] make a contribution to join or to raise your membership level but if you can we'd really

[3:13] appreciate it because it really helps us out and keeps the wolf away from our door

[3:18] the wolf is getting closer oh no anyway i we had to pay a lot for that sound effect so again if you

[3:26] could uh become a member that'd be great uh you just go to a maximum fun.org join and choose a

[3:33] monthly amount that's comfortable for you it could be as low as five dollars a month maybe ten dollars

[3:37] a month or if you're already giving that and you feel like now's the time that you feel comfortable

[3:41] upgrading you can afford it and we've been doing a better job than before and so you think we

[3:45] deserve it which would that's certainly not going to be the case i mean we are certainly doing more

[3:49] of a job i don't know if it's a better job yeah then you can upgrade as high as 20 35 even a

[3:56] hundred percent of the time and then you can do a better job and then you can do a better job

[3:56] per month or more it's about what works for you this is something that again you don't need to do

[4:02] it it just helps us out and it's thanks to your support that we can keep making this the show that

[4:07] it is and bring it to you now pretty much weekly uh so thank you very much we'll be dan will be

[4:14] back later to tell you about some of the things you might get in return am i going somewhere

[4:19] before that though uh yeah anyway dan has to go fix his light which yeah it's an it's working i

[4:26] in case you're worried about me i'm doing fine i kicked my power strip don't send me light bulbs

[4:32] as i know that the rabbit listener wants to do like dan needs light bulbs you scream to yourself

[4:38] and you rush to the the nearest mailbox on the street and you try to shove light bulbs into it

[4:45] and that's not a you can't do that anymore they don't have that little door you don't have the

[4:48] door now it's just a lot yeah so you're just breaking a bunch of light bulbs and now you've

[4:53] got a bloody hand and that doesn't help

[4:56] anyone not in these times no better back when back when people were doing that with mangoes

[5:00] it was messy but it wasn't dangerous because they heard how much you love mangoes i think that's a

[5:07] pretty sweaty way to bring mangoes into the conversation but uh no he's not sweating at

[5:12] all he's looking cool as a cucumber over this skype call uh so that's maximumfun.org join uh

[5:19] we'll be back to ask you for money again later in the show now turning to sports in high school

[5:25] there weren't any right now it's the summer and also there's a pandemic so instead let's imagine

[5:30] what the high school sports would be like if they were happening right now now dan go into your

[5:37] famous high school sports routine hey pass that over here yeah sure what game are we playing i

[5:43] need the ball for the hey forget about it here we are here we are in lawrence kansas playing high

[5:51] school football we're as always we're doing it with tri-state area accents

[5:55] all my life i wanted to be a football guy

[6:00] that's that's the term right for as long as i can remember so i even fucked up the joke anyway uh so

[6:07] no and then he goes he goes he gives him money goes you got tackled you didn't say nothing good

[6:12] job good on you good on you you did good uh so that's from the that's from the movie that's

[6:19] martin scorsese's movie foot fellas what what if that was what happened if like someone got tackled

[6:25] in football the opposing team drags you off somewhere and interrogates you yeah

[6:30] now now uh i'm going to constantly be thinking about

[6:35] shouting at martin scorsese hey marty foot fellas i liked it

[6:40] what was it kundun was the one that he was saying yeah

[6:46] yep yeah i think that's their i think about that line like once a day wait what is that from that's

[6:55] from the sopranos okay uh christopher michael imperioli he sees martin scorsese and he just

[7:00] yells out kundun i liked it that is great so uh dan so when they interrogate the football player

[7:08] the other team or that they're like tell us who you work for and he's like oh the coach

[7:11] i mean in a larger sense the manager and i guess we're all kind of working for

[7:17] nfl just in general wow wait a minute this is woody allen wait a minute improvise

[7:23] come to think of it

[7:25] the advertisers kind of pay our bills so uh uh do we do we work for do we work for doritos i don't

[7:31] know yeah and they get into a real crisis like they follow it down the line yeah it's a real

[7:38] crisis of identity who do i work for all this time who am i who am i endangering my health and

[7:43] my mental stability for is it for the coach the owners of the team the nfl commissioner

[7:49] or doritos is it honestly love of the game if i'm honest with myself

[7:54] i'm most comfortable with doing it for doritos the crispity crunch the nacho cheesy flavor or

[8:01] occasionally cool ranch and the fact that it comes in such a pleasing to open bag and to the bags they

[8:07] don't have little windows anymore right the old doritos bags they had little windows so you could

[8:11] see how low you were getting do they still have those ones that are like you know like uh like

[8:16] plump doritos they're like three-dimensional doritos i mean they're like yeah they're like

[8:21] still a triangle but they're like puffed yeah

[8:24] i don't know you're asking the wrong person sounds good to me yeah let me ask let me ask

[8:29] the brothers frito-lay see if they're safe they know so uh as long as we're pitching products

[8:36] elliot i think that you came uh with a notion you might want to start pitching to us i mean

[8:42] technically it's elliot and stewart i think we both get equal credit on the screenplay so here's

[8:47] the thing uh and stew just feel free to jump in uh whenever absolutely yeah so the flop house is all

[8:54] about movies right we watch them we love them or we don't love them but either way we're watching

[9:01] them and at this point it's it's the what the flop house has gone into so many different media

[9:06] we're a podcast we're a radio show we're a book series we're a lifetime original movie we're a

[9:13] hallmark holiday movie we're a deodorant we're a foot soap oh don't use that soap anywhere but

[9:19] your foot i'm so sorry but we have to make that clear the lawsuit stipulated we had to

[9:24] make it clear it's just for the bottom of your foot just the toughest most durable part of your

[9:29] body don't use on any of your else your skin just the bottom of your foot maybe maybe maybe we should

[9:35] get to the point though yeah okay so it's time for the flop house to finally work move into the world

[9:40] of movies that's right movies people love them like us on the flop house we love them or sometimes

[9:46] we don't love them but either way we love them so we're here to pitch you dan dan mccoy head of mgm

[9:54] which again is mccoy good coy mccoy studios you named it after yourself three times but the second

[10:00] time you got hit on the head and you thought your name was good coy for a little bit and by that

[10:04] time i'd filed the paperwork i guess yeah you had already filed the paperwork uh we wanted to pitch

[10:10] you on the flop house the movie the story of three guys we're gonna have a little bit of a

[10:17] wait a minute excuse me oh yeah yes sorry i've heard of hot dog the movie but flop

[10:23] house the movie you haven't heard about it you're right because it's not a real movie yet

[10:28] we were we were anticipating this question actually yes yeah uh how this process works

[10:34] is we're actually bringing to you a new movie that doesn't exist yet in the hopes that you

[10:37] would help us produce it i'm sorry i recently had a head injury apparently

[10:41] no we're well aware we read the story in variety as you called it at the time

[10:47] and the gollywood reporter i don't know why you were in charge of

[10:53] renaming the magazines for that day but the trades we call them so let's trade you something

[10:59] let's trade your question for an answer yes flop house the movie what is it well we'll tell you

[11:04] it's a movie and it goes a little something like this okay we all know the famous floppers

[11:11] but do we know how they began that's right in the flop house rise of the dawn of the flop house

[11:18] we'll find out how these three famous podcasters really met well actually we'll find out how

[11:23] one of them met the other two because when the movie starts uh dan a down in his luck divorcee

[11:28] who just can't catch a break he's already he's already roommates with stewart a ski instructor

[11:33] who also doubles as a karate teacher okay now i all right away i like uh i see that you're diverging

[11:41] from um the the the real life for what i can only assume are dramatic reasons yeah yeah and also

[11:47] because stewart really wants to communicate his new fighting form of ski roddy stew you want to

[11:52] expand on that a little bit

[11:53] yeah so ski roddy involves uh so have you ever heard of skiing first should i should bring it

[12:00] back you said actually i mean that's what destroyed my knee famously uh yeah i've never done it since

[12:06] then the key to ski roddy is you have to get say uh you get an average person your regular joe like

[12:14] let's call him dan for instance okay and and the trick to the martial art is you put him on some

[12:20] skis and just let him go down a hill

[12:23] and he's gonna beat the shit out of himself oh yeah it's a self martial arts a self-directed

[12:28] martial art here's the thing about it perfect for quarantine you don't need somebody else to spar

[12:33] with it's all about using your opponent's force against them by letting them just roll down a hill

[12:38] basically so is this uh okay would you then refer to this as sort of like uh a martial art that you

[12:44] do for self-improvement and exercise as you're doing it on your own or is it do you do it this

[12:49] way because you hate yourself and you want to punish yourself

[12:52] um

[12:52] i mainly do it because i'm hoping to get a sponsorship and have it uh translated into

[12:57] the mortal kombat game series okay because i feel like that's the only way that you can beat

[13:04] scorpion because scorpion is this like revenant he's a ninja and i mean ninjas are all over the

[13:11] place in in mortal kombat they're like falling out of the sky they're falling out of the sky

[13:15] into the pit then you're in the pit bottom and you're battling them guys where have the all the

[13:20] ninjas gone because i feel like in the late 80s early 90s there are all these ninjas all over the

[13:25] place you're like you couldn't walk down the street without hitting a couple of ninjas and now

[13:28] well ninjas we all remember in the early 2000s when the bottom fell out of the ninja market

[13:33] a lot of those ninjas had to get other jobs a lot of them sadly had to be put to sleep because they

[13:38] were just a little too old and injured and a lot the ninja schools they mainly closed down

[13:44] it's all in that documentary american ninja which is all about uh you know the last ninja school

[13:49] it's located in oh

[13:50] bakersfield california uh in a strip mall and they just don't get the same quality student

[13:56] because there's just not the same job market for ninjas anymore ironically did you guys ever go to

[14:02] that ninja themed restaurant in manhattan what there was such a thing no i heard about it but

[14:08] i never went you go through like the like waiters come out of like like hidden doors and shit and

[14:13] they oh that's i i assume they like for your drink they make you lie down in a bed and then

[14:20] they like pour the drink down a thread into your mouth that sounds so you drink it amazing like

[14:26] even without the made-up stuff that sounds amazing like i it's to my great shame that you know

[14:31] i mean now the pandemic is going on and i can't go uh do this but like i i've never been to what

[14:37] is it jekyll and hyde is that the yeah i mean you owe it to yourself to go back in time to when you

[14:42] were 14 and then go to jekyll and hyde okay but you should i mean is it still in in business i

[14:48] think they're i think yeah

[14:49] and you should go i know i mean i don't know about now but i mean mars 2112 is long gone

[14:54] okay uh that was i felt like that was that that was the pièce de résistance of theme restaurants

[15:00] where you literally had to go through a little like spaceship show to get into the dining room

[15:06] and the idea was that you were on mars the whole time uh and i guess the nadir would be the guy

[15:11] fieri's american cafe or whatever it was called where the theme of it was just guy fieri throwing

[15:16] cheese sauce in your face now elliot i have a i have a question once again gotta

[15:19] defend guy fieri apparently he's a really good dude donates a lot of money to charity i'm just

[15:24] judging him by his restaurant yeah not at all by his actions as a person the guy's the guy's

[15:30] helping to prop up the sunglasses market by putting one sunglasses on the back of his head

[15:34] yeah he's also propping up the frosted tip market which it

[15:40] went way down like it really the bottom fell out of that too well it's hard with climate

[15:44] change because it's hotter so you really got to work harder to keep those tips frosted they melt

[15:48] yeah

[15:48] uh

[15:49] no i wanted to ask about the mars restaurant though like okay then we can get back to my

[15:53] movie pitch but i really want to get to the bottom of this mars thing it was like conceptually was

[15:58] it a deeper concept in that like was the idea there are no more restaurants on earth we got

[16:05] to go to mars here's the concept there's a restaurant on mars and you're going to it

[16:10] that is the extent of the con there's no backstory there's no reason you have to go to mars what was

[16:15] what was the food like i mean because honestly tubes and shit no

[16:19] it was just i mean occasionally i think there was dry ice on the plate but it was it was just like

[16:24] it was just you know food it was not anything special chicken fingers here's my problem is

[16:29] like you know i rarely want to leave my own neighborhood to go to a restaurant let alone mars

[16:34] so i just it's a flawed concept for the beginning i mean the fact that it's been

[16:40] out of business for years all but also point to a concept all right so dan's just keeping

[16:47] him honest you know yeah look look defunct restaurant no business from me you're just

[16:54] not my cup of tea so so dan and stew are roommates dan's always mad that stew's throwing these crazy

[17:01] ski parties and stew is always trying to get his pal dan to lighten up but then uh-oh what should

[17:08] crash land into their apartment one night but an alien spaceship and wrapped up inside is a little

[17:15] a little dude from outer space whose name is elliot

[17:17] and he will not shut up he just keeps talking is this your way of getting back at et the

[17:24] extraterrestrial like you're like okay i would be like fucking put me in the second build to an

[17:30] alien now i'm the alien you jackasses to answer your question dan yes big time yeah right finally

[17:39] now i get to be the alien i'm the alien now dog anyway so he they've got to get him elliot the

[17:46] alien who is lovable

[17:47] and he's gonna be heavily merchandised stuffed animals talking dolls lunch boxes shitty atari

[17:53] games you name it we're gonna do it uh they've got to get him to the max fun rocket it's the

[17:59] only rocket that can get him up into space and there's only one way to do that they're gonna

[18:03] have to start a podcast but can they start a marginally i would say no can they start a

[18:10] successful yet let's be honest maybe third tier podcast you know your top tier is what like cereal

[18:16] and your

[18:17] second tier would be like um uh are we talking about just listenership or quality both both

[18:25] wow because i feel like i feel like like no trap we're walking into if you're uh uh so the they're

[18:32] gonna they're gonna have to start a podcast but how are they gonna record it when they're on the

[18:36] run from government agents and a real estate developer that are looking to stop to get this

[18:41] the government oh there's three people chasing them or three groups there's the government agents

[18:45] who want to get this alien and

[18:47] stick him in a secret lab so they can find out what makes him so hilarious because maybe they

[18:51] could turn that into a military weapon how amazingly funny he is just off the top of his

[18:54] head off the cuff how does he do it the government wants to find out yeah and this alien much like uh

[19:00] alf is uh cats are his natural enemy i mean look i mean that's like saying chocolate cake is my

[19:06] natural enemy which it is not i realize that the the flaw in what i was saying as i was saying

[19:11] when when we landed at normandy we did not proceed to eat the nazis dan it's not what you do with your

[19:16] enemy

[19:16] usually but then we gained their strength no it's not how it works so the the second group that's

[19:24] after them this real estate developer who wants to turn elliot's home planet into condos and the

[19:29] third ones chasing after them are this these uh big corporate businessmen who want to turn

[19:34] elliot into like uh you know a talking doll or something or it's like santa claus the movie i

[19:39] don't know what they were gonna do with the stuff that the elf gave them in santa claus the movie

[19:42] it seems like they already know how to make toys so i don't know what like the idea that

[19:46] this elf is like hey guess what i'll sell you the secret of little wooden rocking horses oh that

[19:52] people can ride no they're too small for that they're just toys you push back and forth it

[19:56] doesn't seem like the corporate espionage that we'd really need you know yeah i think i think

[20:00] we've talked about this before i can't recall whether it was um in direct relation to santa

[20:05] claus the movie but it may have been it is so amazing to me the number of movies ostensibly

[20:11] for children that take a hard left turn into corporate espionage like like

[20:16] these screenwriters have been joyless adults so long that they cannot imagine any other story

[20:23] other than like businesses at war with one another and think that you know small children are going

[20:29] to be fascinated by this they are not it's like in the movie big where they're like you know the

[20:33] best part about being an adult is getting to dance on a fucking keyboard i mean he does go to board

[20:40] meetings in that too pretty oh he does yeah he goes to he goes to toy research and development meetings

[20:46] and i thought he just went to fao shorts and dance on that fucking keyboard for like

[20:51] four hours it'd be so funny if they did like a kid's cut of big and it's just the stuff kids

[20:55] would do so it's like 25 minutes long and it's like he wakes up big he eats that little corn

[21:00] he dances on the piano he touches the lady's boobs and then suddenly he's back home again

[21:04] yeah uh that's weird guys let's take a little moment here uh to go back to the max fun drive

[21:14] i don't you know i don't want to kill anyone's momentum

[21:16] i don't want to kill anyone's joy i just want to say it's the max fun drive uh this is the time

[21:21] when we come to you hat in hand and say hey if you've got a little money to spare uh we do make

[21:27] this thing it takes up a lot of our time it's a second job or a co-job for many of us at this

[21:34] point and um and that's what makes it worth uh worth doing to some degree look would i love to

[21:41] hang out with my friends stewart and elliot without uh maximum

[21:45] fun uh monies sure i would but would i have done a show for 13 years maybe not it's hard to justify

[21:55] after a certain point yeah there's definitely certain points in my life and schedule where

[22:01] i'm like if there wasn't some element of job to this i might have to prioritize my other job

[22:08] yeah and i don't make i don't i don't say that to make anyone sad i mean uh i think you can tell

[22:15] we are all the best of friends and love one another and uh love that we are able to do this

[22:20] for you but there's also a little more mercenary uh reward in it for us and we thank you for that

[22:28] we thank you it is hard to ask you for money at this time i have a hard time asking honestly

[22:34] in years where the world is doing perfectly well but um you know it is still important we've heard

[22:41] from a lot of people who value the stuff that we do in maximum fun particularly right now

[22:45] when you know we're spending a lot of time apart from people and hearing another human in your ears

[22:52] uh maybe of great comfort um and so maximum fun membership starts at five dollars a month

[23:00] that will get you access to over 200 hours of bonus content including

[23:05] a lot from us there's like an eight part role-playing game that stewart ran with us

[23:10] it's like it's like we threw a third job onto the second job yeah doing the main podcast

[23:15] yeah stewart's like oh i want to run you guys through another red adventure for the bonus

[23:18] content oh how many chapters will this be uh do you have several months free yep well i mean you

[23:24] guys have to get into character we have to do exercises yeah i mean uh look people really love

[23:32] these things that stewart does uh and he puts a lot of work into them so i don't want to that's

[23:37] on my tinder profile i cannot bad mouth them as much as i uh is not my my bag but people really

[23:44] like it

[23:45] and i'm glad that stewart is is doing that for us really sell it dan you're doing a great job

[23:49] really sell that bonus you're like i don't like it but maybe you will no i love i love the fact

[23:56] that it exists i just don't like trying to anyway uh if you choose to join you wouldn't like you

[24:02] wouldn't like if if you were trying to impress like a famous person you wouldn't be like hey i

[24:08] do a podcast and one of the things that it does is this bonus content where my friend makes me play a

[24:14] role-playing game against my will here's the thing if i could go into a fugue state where i don't

[24:20] recall doing the actual role-playing i would think these are the most amazing things in the world and

[24:26] i hope that you listeners do as well um and part of the joy is that stewart is uh has this power

[24:34] over us knowing that this is a fan favorite thing that he can force us to do uh but if you choose to

[24:44] pin along with your bonus content pin every podcast correctly it is enamel pin pin pin yeah

[24:53] every podcast has its own pin you can choose one and the flophouse one this time it's got a certain

[24:58] rocket crocodile on it spaceman alligator i call him uh do you guys know that's the knockoff

[25:05] obviously we all love the flophouse pin was there another pin that caught your eye i thought the

[25:10] switchblade sisters pin was really great that's the one i was gonna say i love that sawbones

[25:14] one that says homeopathic means pretend for the first time there's an ipodius pin never never been

[25:21] done before i mean cool that would be a nice pin to get and then throw in the garbage wow i mean

[25:27] the money still goes to max fun so thank you for doing it i mean i all of the pins are great

[25:31] honestly if i was uh just a listener and not a member of the the max fun network i would have a

[25:38] very hard time deciding but i impartial not impartial i am

[25:44] partial to ours this year it looks really great it's a great one yeah so if you want to uh you

[25:52] know get those um those uh thank you gifts you can go to maximum fun.org join to be slash join

[26:01] to become a member uh maximum fun.org slash join thank you for reiterating that since i didn't say

[26:07] it that well the first time around and uh because it is a hard time because um

[26:14] it is a weird time we just want to thank everyone out there who is in health care uh retail all

[26:21] sorts of essential jobs that are uh continuing to make society work no matter how much our own

[26:29] government seems to want it to crumble uh we are thinking about you we're grateful for everything

[26:33] you do and we hope that our much dumber thing that we do can divert you and we can uh help in

[26:43] the only way we know how to do it and we hope that you can help in the only way we know how to do it

[26:44] and we hope that you can help in the only way we know how to do it and we hope that you can help in the only way we know how to do it

[28:14] yeah i mean that's what gave them their

[28:17] yeah i mean that's what gave them their

[28:17] yeah i mean that's what gave them their signature sound her made up

[28:18] signature sound her made up

[28:18] signature sound her made up wild child language but hey guys guys

[28:21] wild child language but hey guys guys

[28:21] wild child language but hey guys guys what's harvey is harvey kytel's wiener

[28:24] what's harvey is harvey kytel's wiener

[28:24] what's harvey is harvey kytel's wiener in nell

[28:25] in nell

[28:25] in nell wiener what yes i mean isn't harvey

[28:29] wiener what yes i mean isn't harvey

[28:29] wiener what yes i mean isn't harvey kytel's wiener in that movie what are

[28:30] kytel's wiener in that movie what are

[28:30] kytel's wiener in that movie what are you talking about god you're

[28:32] thinking of the piano i'm thinking of the goddamn piano okay i mean his wieners in a lot of movies

[28:38] every movie he's been in but usually he's got pants over it yeah i mean it's not like he takes

[28:42] it out and puts it in a jar when it's not called for in a scene what i don't understand is why dan

[28:46] is freaking out that i'm talking about wieners all of a sudden well no idea what the fuck you're

[28:55] talking about also i you know we got to save harvey kytel's wiener as a subject for a future

[29:00] mini steward yeah it's such a rich topic i mean i'm just i'm teasing people to be fair that we

[29:07] we're not just funded by the pledge drive we are funded also by sponsors and today's sponsor is

[29:11] harvey kytel's mini wieners the next time you're holding a little tiny barbecue throw a couple of

[29:17] harvey kytel's mini wieners on that itty bitty grill yeah yeah or any other kind of small any

[29:22] other kind of small function you might be holding or large function we don't know we don't know how

[29:29] your function looks once it's erect we don't know it could be uh harvey kytel's mini wieners are the

[29:34] only tiny sausage frankfurter fully endorsed by harvey kytel reminds me of the wieners i have at

[29:40] home says harvey kytel right on the package so just crack open a case they're gonna get sued

[29:49] for using his visage they do not have his image rights it's the only hot dog whose casing replicates

[29:57] the leathery skin of america's mini wieners

[29:59] favorite tough guy character actor harvey kytel

[30:01] this is our second penis based uh sponsor by the way after sweet delicious penises or whatever it

[30:13] was a long time ago that was a long time ago yeah yeah that's a real so the three groups of of bad

[30:19] guys are after the floppers yeah and they've got to start this podcast of course along the way the

[30:26] podcast they're traveling across the country actually around in circles and they're traveling

[30:29] in circles for a lot of it because dan's having trouble with the directions and we're like why was

[30:33] dan tasked with dealing with this aspect of it he gets so stressed out when he can't read the map

[30:36] and it doesn't look the way he thinks it will and so they're just going around the country and

[30:42] meanwhile people are loving this podcast that they're broadcasting from their pirate podcast

[30:47] van let's call it uh yeah okay you're using alien technology to be able to broadcast the podcast

[30:53] live it's a podcast broadcast from the van and so uh there's just more and more people

[30:59] in the streets with big signs that say we love elliot elliot's the best dan and sue too but

[31:03] elliot mostly and you know they're gonna have to eventually get past uh-oh what's this not just

[31:09] the federal agents not just the real estate developer and his army of ninjas that's right

[31:14] this is where the ninjas come in stewart okay thank you yep not just the big business guy

[31:19] and his army of what wives butts dan what do you want to say there there be uh wait sorry the

[31:25] business guy so yeah no i i mean he has to be part of like an

[31:28] evil organization right wives butts is not an evil thing to well maybe he brainwashes them i don't

[31:34] know there's a whole scene there's a whole scene of women washing their butts and it's just for dan

[31:40] okay i don't need that i'm just saying i mean the question of need is i think unfair i mean

[31:47] it's not in maslow's hierarchy footage of a butt wash is pretty low but still who needs a flower

[31:54] what does it yeah and yet it's beauty and it's sweet

[31:58] nectar give us the honey and and the eye candy that we need and so but now they're going to have

[32:05] to deal with uh-oh elliot's home planet is coming to get him because that's right elliot is a thought

[32:11] criminal his crime talking too much uh-oh so now it's an intergalactic chase the they're

[32:19] they're using technology from the max fun offices which they get to uh they're managed to turn the

[32:24] van itself into a rocket ship it also travels through time and can go into people's dreams

[32:28] and so it's just a phantasmagoric psychedelic uh ride through the last hour and a half or so of

[32:35] what i think is like a four and a half hour movie uh because we're gonna call it a tv binge of a

[32:42] movie because here's the thing movies they're like what an hour and a half two and a half hours

[32:46] people will binge like four four and a half hours of tv all the time so why don't we make movies

[32:51] that long let's just do it let's just go for it we'll say you're binging the movie okay just just

[32:55] just make sure that you have enough incidents and you're not going to have enough incidents

[32:58] in each half hour so it feels like that movie is just a bunch of small half hours mushed together

[33:02] and also we run credits in between every half hour and there's a theme song for the movie

[33:06] that plays in between every half hour to remind you what's going on in the movie

[33:10] and it the screen makes it seem like you have the option to skip the intro but you don't actually

[33:15] have that option unless you leave the theater to go to the bathroom and come back in which case

[33:20] that's that's called skipping the intro we call that real-time intro skipping because it doesn't

[33:24] save you any time but you do get to avoid the intro and the intro is

[33:28] very annoying and very earworm catchy so you are going to want to hit those bathroom breaks

[33:32] now i so i feel like i understand a lot about the plot of the movie right now but i have a

[33:39] couple so you know like they're they're on the run businessmen are the antagonists your fellow

[33:45] aliens are the antagonists there are a few character questions yeah i just told you all

[33:49] that stuff i don't know why you're pitching the movie back to me unless yeah let's do it it's

[33:53] great i love it let's um no no no i wonder all right there's two key questions i have here number

[33:58] one okay what about them being podcasters sort of like like informs and reflects upon the characters

[34:05] why are these characters podcasters and number two oh boy you have to take notes arcs over the

[34:10] course of this movie that's what i because characters king you know as a writer myself

[34:15] you know it all comes they're welcome yeah characters and especially king character the

[34:20] king of all you're welcome wait is king character related to king cruel the alligator uh like

[34:28] boxer punching guy who fights uh donkey kong no no king cruel king character king koopa and every

[34:33] other king are not like king hippo no they're just kings they just also a boxing guy just all

[34:38] have the same title they they are in the same place of their individual nation states or

[34:42] fiefdoms uh usually having the title king does not mean you're related to someone unless you

[34:48] are a family member of some with the last name king stephen king's son martin luther king for

[34:52] instance like they're related because they're both they're both named king so back to the

[34:57] characters yeah okay so stewart i think you you had some ideas about why they are specifically

[35:03] podcasters and what it is about podcasting that informs their character choices yeah i i mean i

[35:08] feel like that they have a uh i don't know they have well they all have lovely voices

[35:14] uh we we agree to that right the voices thing yeah to a man

[35:18] yep and they look kind of weird so if they wouldn't want to be in some kind of visual medium

[35:27] also they all grew up listening to radio like in dream on but with radio instead of tv right right

[35:38] right right and of course like i assume that we want to like piggyback on all of that of the

[35:43] success that alex incorporated had um oh yeah oh yeah the hit sitcom hit sitcom it's been running

[35:50] for years won all the emmys uh and people remember it it lives on in more ways than just as mugs that

[35:57] max fun offices

[35:58] uh yeah exactly and so dan your other question what their arcs are over the course of it okay

[36:07] dan of course dan will finally let down his hair eventually and have a have an amazing night as a

[36:13] party dude and finally realize what his life is missing which it turns out is a small cactus

[36:19] plant in a little like a little pot that he can take with him because then he's always got a

[36:23] friend with him and a friend that will never run away because it's rooted into the soil but he

[36:27] also doesn't have to give it very much because it only needs water like every week or so so he

[36:31] finally realizes what's missing from his life which after a wild whirlwind night and this amazing

[36:35] journey he realizes he needs this little cactus plant in a pot and he can just put it on his desk

[36:40] or like put on the counter while he's making breakfast and just talk to it and it's not going

[36:43] to go anywhere he could just say whatever he could just whatever abuse he wants to hurl at it it

[36:48] doesn't matter it's a cactus it can take it now stewart's arc is that he will finally uh meet a

[36:54] kung fu master and is able

[36:57] to use skirati to challenge him and in doing so he manages to form his first martial arts school

[37:04] and now he's a respected and of course opens his first bank account yes yeah and well that's the

[37:10] he turns his back on martial arts after this whole adventure because he realizes violence is not the

[37:14] answer money is the answer and he opens a bank account and becomes like a like a venture capital

[37:19] guy i mean in a way uh money is violence but uh and let me just jump in here i mean in a very real

[37:26] way yes wow wow

[37:27] for uh yeah yeah uh you know made you think um and then for the elliot character uh it's a pretty

[37:34] classic arc you know uh we're dealing with a character who has some weaknesses and his arc

[37:41] is all about overcoming that weakness so he begins uh he begins the movie this uh you know short

[37:49] little alien guy who talks too much and by the end he grows like three or four feet and you're like

[37:54] what and that's his arc

[37:56] oh okay wait what am i like stewart you're like what i like it i think i could sell that to the

[38:05] people upstairs well we thought you were the head of the company it's named after you

[38:09] no i just there's a what do you mean there's a family upstairs i kind of use just as like a

[38:15] barometer of what you know an average american wants to see in a movie yeah so you're the head

[38:20] of a you're the head of a movie studio but you live kind of like downstairs from an average

[38:24] american family well we live in a movie studio and we live kind of like downstairs from an average

[38:26] american family but we don't have the air rights to our studio so his family just came in and built

[38:31] a house up there i mean that's not really how air right i mean you do have the air rights over

[38:36] whatever skype's breaking up elliot i can't hear you i can't hear your logical objections

[38:43] so i guess that's uh flop house the movie and uh we've already got a uh a commitment from robin

[38:51] uh the musician to do the theme um no wait i'm sorry

[38:56] i miss i misread i misread the name uh it's from robin uh robin is not known by anybody not a famous

[39:03] musician and in fact not a musician it's actually a dog that i know but i'm pretty sure robin will

[39:09] do the theme for us uh when you say you know him have you been over to his house what what is it

[39:14] what it is to know a dog uh well that's a little personal but uh you can't ever really know him

[39:20] because he has such multitudes but you know i've walked him a couple times and we've talked about

[39:24] you know the life and what it's like to be

[39:26] and you made eye contact with him when he was doing his business on the street and you were like

[39:31] i i get it i see you it was in that moment where i felt like i looked into his soul

[39:35] and i liked what i saw and what i saw was the theme song for this flop house movie

[39:40] uh we also we need to attach some more talent certainly to play the the head of the federal

[39:45] agents i was thinking probably like lance henriksen and uh to play the uh the real

[39:51] estate agent i was thinking his brother vance henriksen and to play the the

[39:56] capitalist kind of banker i was thinking that's right dance henriksen which is the dance troupe

[40:01] lance henriksen started he's no longer a member in it he kind of can't move the same way he did

[40:05] when he was younger but he still designed he still choreographs it and uh dance henriksen

[40:10] will kind of like get into this giant business suit and they'll operate it almost like an

[40:14] enormous puppet but dance and i think that'll be really cool and something new that the kids

[40:19] haven't seen yet with their tiktoks and their instagrams and their catfishes and their uh hush

[40:25] puppies and their you know uh roller discos and their elephants and their circus peanuts and their

[40:31] you know polaroid photographs and their you know uh birkenstock shoes and their alarm clocks and

[40:36] their you know love and rockets comic books and their ikea furniture you know their sealy

[40:41] posturpedic mattresses and their buddhism and their you know all hebrew national all beef salami

[40:48] and their you know deciduous trees and you know their peacocks and you know uh you know their

[40:55] tigers and other extinct mammals you know their tide laundry detergent you know and their uh

[41:00] their uh you know uh you know early onset alzheimer's and their and their you know

[41:06] those plastic novelty combs really big ones that you get at amusement parks and like

[41:10] you know teddy ruxpins you know and their earthworms and their earthworm gyms uh for the

[41:16] sega genesis particularly and you know their kleenexes and you know their denny's and their

[41:23] den for the last dinosaurs

[41:25] and you know their hardwood floors you know and their walk-in closets and you know their indoor

[41:30] plumbing and their internal combustion engines you know and their separated rights for various

[41:36] merchandising and you know adaptation things their palm trees and their you know you know

[41:41] dandelions you know it's gonna be great it's gonna be great when dan goes to visit elliot in la and

[41:48] walks into elliot's office and he has this like chas palminterian usual suspects moment where he

[41:53] sees all the things

[41:55] that elliot just talked about i mean they were uh uh an astounding from my perspective an astounding

[42:04] series of pulls of seemingly random but very specific things other than the fact that uh other

[42:12] than the one moment at which i was dabbing my forehead because i was sweating from the hot room

[42:17] and the laughter at the same time and he said kleenex other than that i think it was a pretty

[42:21] clean thanks that was a weak moment for me i'm i

[42:24] don't like that i said palm trees and then i think or i think i said deciduous trees and

[42:28] dandelions at the same time there were a couple things where the links were a little too strong

[42:32] but anyway i think the kids and you mentioned earthworm jim which is one of those kind of sad

[42:36] ones because isn't that dude like a huge asshole yeah he's a real jerk he's a he's a terrible he's

[42:40] a he's well he's a guy who i uh don't agree with politically and also he's uh intolerant of people

[42:46] who are not like him and so yeah but anyway we don't have to talk about him okay so instead of

[42:51] earthworm jim pretend i said toe jam and earl though the kids with their toe jam and

[42:54] earls and their mc mc scat cats and their you know jet skis and samson max hits the

[43:01] roads samson max hits the roses from lucasarts and there's big fan men that are outside of

[43:06] used car dealerships and they're enormous enormous flags that just have like a picture

[43:11] of the devil and underneath it says hey buddy and their novelty t-shirts and their roller skates

[43:17] and their wicker laundry hampers and and you know their their curly wigs with

[43:24] lots of multi-colored colors on it and and their clown noses you know and their gloves without the

[43:32] fingers that they can handle coins when they're selling papes on the street and you know their

[43:36] number two ticonderoga pencils and you know okay well uh no you look you got it you got the movie

[43:44] green light sold in the room we did that was me uh putting a putting a cap on this uh you know the

[43:53] the you know i think this is a good idea i think this is a good idea i think this is a good idea

[43:54] i think this is the most informative episode of the show we've ever done yeah uh this is one this

[43:59] is definitely one of those uh click on it hold down the button drag it over into the little

[44:05] garbage bin and empty trash i think i think i think you mean drag it over to the little thing

[44:09] that says time capsule and save it for 5 000 years for future generations so they know that we had

[44:14] band-aids and also like uh glue sticks and you know paper clips not to mention pomeranian dogs

[44:24] and you know hulk hogan and not to mention you know those rubber bands that they they're really

[44:30] thin and they're really long you know the ones i'm talking about and also like little keychain

[44:34] flashlights and not not not to mention those screens you put up on the windshield of your car

[44:40] so the inside of the car doesn't get hot and it looks like sunglasses so this is you know this is

[44:47] the kind of thing that you the max fun the max fun subscribe

[44:54] subscribers the supporters of this show you made this happen

[44:57] i'd hate to say it's your fault but it kind of is uh and uh for all you folks that are listeners

[45:07] thank you so much for all the supporters uh to be honest we kind of couldn't do the show without you

[45:14] um you uh you keep us going um and this is the time of year where we thank you by putting out

[45:22] all this amazing

[45:23] content like what you just listened to um if you so yeah if you join today i can name more things

[45:31] ninja turtles it was a real harrison it was a real fantasia on stupid themes this last episode

[45:38] the uh so if if you are not already a supporter uh and you're interested head over to maximum

[45:47] fun.org uh slash join uh pick a level that you are comfortable with um be

[45:53] prepared to receive some lovely gifts as well as uh the warm and fuzzy feeling of supporting art

[46:00] that i hope you like because we like what we make and uh we think it it's worth something so thanks

[46:07] uh yeah with that note um you know i think that if we don't sign off there's always the risk

[46:16] that elliot will keep saying things until he forgets things to say which means that we will

[46:23] literally be here until the heat death of the universe i mean i don't know about that i mean i

[46:28] guess i could talk about like altoids mints and then they got their three ring binders and their

[46:32] footie pajamas and their swim caps their and their they've got their temporary tattoos that's just

[46:38] like a tiger and they've got their plastic flowers not real flowers plastic ones and they got their

[46:45] videos of sports bloopers you've got your fart sound effect cds and you got your halloween sound

[46:51] effect cds of course and of course these kids today

[46:53] with their clouds and of course their stuffed animal rabbits and their manhole covers and of

[46:58] course their pickup trucks and of course you got their their uh plastic bags with the ziploc top so

[47:04] you can keep things fresh inside and uh you know rubbermaid products of all different kinds and

[47:09] let's not forget the kids these days they've got hacksaws and then they've also got airbags

[47:14] maximum fun.org comedy and

[47:23] and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.

FH Mini 12 - Flop House: The Movie!

Transcript

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