Ep. #318 - Hudson Hawk, w/ Roman Mars

[0:00] on this episode we discuss hudson hawk the story of sully sullenberger and the miracle on the

[0:06] hudson the miracle of course being the creation of the movie hudson hawk directed by sully sullenberger

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:46] Oh, hey Dan. It's me, Stuart.

[0:50] Uh-huh. Last name, and your last name also?

[0:54] Wellington.

[0:54] Good. Okay, you're coming along great, Stuart, and I'm glad we put all that practice in beforehand.

[1:00] And I'm Stuart's, you know, Miracle Worker style tutor, Elliot Kalin.

[1:03] But today, we've got some exciting guesting with us today, because joining us...

[1:09] Great.

[1:09] We've got one of our biggest, most blockbuster guests, and we're really, you know, out of the gate.

[1:15] We're stumbling.

[1:16] It's like when a horse is just, like, ready to go, and then they open the gate, and all four of the horse's legs immediately fall off.

[1:22] It's because somebody pushed the little button underneath the horse, and it just collapsed.

[1:26] Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[1:28] Our guest—oh, because it's one of those toy horses with, like, the rubber band legs?

[1:32] Okay, sure.

[1:32] Our guest tonight—tonight.

[1:35] When are you listening to this?

[1:36] Probably during the early morning hours.

[1:37] Our guest is Roman Mars, host of 99% Visible.

[1:42] That's right.

[1:43] One of the top podcasters in podcasting and someone I personally am very excited to have on

[1:48] because 99% Visible is one of my favorite shows

[1:51] and was one of the first podcasts I listened to where I was like,

[1:54] oh, this is what a podcast is supposed to be like.

[1:58] Not just three jackasses gabbing.

[2:00] Yeah, not just three gabbing jacks, but like a real show where I'm like learning things and feeling things.

[2:05] So, Roman, thank you so much for joining us.

[2:07] Always my pleasure.

[2:08] I've been a listener for a very long time, so it's a real privilege to be here.

[2:12] There's my professionalism coming out right there.

[2:14] Oh, no, that's just Dan.

[2:16] Dan is contagious, and he affects all of us.

[2:18] Somebody clapped him, so they edit that part out.

[2:20] What I like also is we now have, I think, the most extreme polls of voice tone ever on the show with Roman's kind of like deep dulcet, you know, kind of, you know, beautiful sound and my kind of like, what if a praying mantis could talk kind of voice, you know?

[2:35] And I sound like an orc that's been hit on the head.

[2:40] Only because you're like, oh, it looks like meat's on the menu.

[2:43] Wait, what's a menu?

[2:44] How do I, an orc in Middle Earth, know what a menu is?

[2:47] Yeah, suddenly I've achieved consciousness, and I'm going to wander off to start, I don't know, painting horns and ants in the woods.

[2:55] And Dan, what does your voice sound like?

[2:57] I mean, I'm sort of a Roman that's more of an Eeyore, I think.

[3:04] Oh, wow.

[3:04] Okay.

[3:04] A joyless Roman.

[3:06] I can see that.

[3:07] Speaking of joyless Romans, we're going to talk about Hudson Hawk today.

[3:14] but for sure i believe you had uh you had something you wanted to talk about yeah i want

[3:19] to bring up the fact this episode in addition to having a blockbuster guest is happening at a

[3:23] blockbuster time uh for the podcast not the world the world's bad right now um but the podcast is

[3:30] we're in the middle of the max fun drive this is one of those chill cool low pressure max fun drives

[3:35] that take like two extra weeks to do and that's when we're going to talk about why uh during this

[3:41] time we talk about why our show is important and we encourage you if you like the show to support

[3:45] it with your dollars and part of what makes uh the show part of what makes the show great and

[3:52] also max fun in general is that the it's max fun is supported almost exclusively by listeners like

[3:59] you listeners who reach deep into their pockets and support uh support the show with their hard

[4:05] dollars and that keeps us from being controlled by corporate interests uh how am i doing guys

[4:13] i think that's great i would like to step here's what you got to do you got to bring the call to

[4:17] action up front so you got to tell people what to do to join like right now is that the time you're

[4:21] going to need to do this okay okay no that's that's all all this is all good input um so what

[4:28] you should do you're listening to this and you're like man i want to be one of those badasses that

[4:32] steward is talking about right now so i will go to maximumfund.org join and select a level that is

[4:41] uh that i am comfortable with uh based on my i don't know financial stability because right now

[4:46] things are tough but you know what isn't tough supporting things that are great like our show

[4:50] or you know okay uh yeah you bring up the pandemic and uh if you're anything like i am uh maybe you're

[4:59] a little lonely during the pandemic and if you're anything like i am maybe you labor under the

[5:05] delusion that your favorite podcasters are your ear buddies and so it's it's great to hang out

[5:10] with your ear buddies uh and i hope that you know during this hard time we provide at least some

[5:16] semblance of a service to listeners and uh we're happy that you're still listening to us

[5:22] and uh you know we have we're happy that you help us produce these things

[5:26] as a listener and donor i would i can testify to that that that is absolutely the truth you do give

[5:32] comfort in these times and especially when you're talking about the times of a pandemic

[5:35] but there's so few things you can control and especially when you talk about advertising

[5:42] bottoming out in the world this is something you can control because maximum fun is supported by

[5:48] you the listener so you can just donate at maximumfund.org join and you can control this

[5:54] moment you can control this thing you can control this this is the one thing you can reach in and

[6:00] give a little bit of what you have to like support a whole network of people creating art that don't

[6:06] have to depend on the whims of advertisers i feel like we just got so totally schooled we're just

[6:13] getting this is like one of those ads for a master class youtube and they're like meet your new

[6:18] teacher roman mars he's gonna teach you it's like dog draper just walked into the room

[6:22] but like dog draper just pulled out like a a slide uh a slide

[6:28] i just turned my phone on i turned my phone on and started recording what roman was saying so

[6:35] i could remember it for the future yeah that's so uh so maximumfund.org join is what we want to say

[6:42] right yep that's what you want to say guys yeah and now that we've gotten that out of the way

[6:46] The audience is rushing to their computers or perhaps the web browser on their phone to become a new or upgraded Maximum Fun member.

[6:57] Guys, let's talk about a little movie that Roma decided to bring into our lives.

[7:02] This is a movie that I have heard about for years and years and years, but I had never actually watched it.

[7:07] And so I'm curious, Mr. Mars, why this one in particular?

[7:13] Well, I think it's held this sort of bit of fascination for me because when it came out, I was, I think I was around 15 or 16 when it came out. And this is an age where I was prepared to hate anything and everything that existed in popular culture. And I saw it on video and I knew people hated this movie. And so I was ready to kind of join in on it.

[7:33] But this is the first time I felt like I knew that people were hating it for the wrong reasons.

[7:38] Because they hated it because they wanted it to be Die Hard 3.

[7:41] But it wasn't trying to be Die Hard 3.

[7:43] It was trying to be an R-rated live-action Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

[7:47] And I felt like this was totally missed on the public.

[7:50] And so I was fascinated by it.

[7:52] And I kind of just sort of always thought about it afterward.

[7:55] Yeah, and the advertising didn't do any favors because they were trying to sell it as an action movie.

[8:00] which I can't blame them because I don't know how they would have sold it as the movie it is.

[8:04] Because they could sell it as a comedy, I guess.

[8:06] I mean, I'm looking at the poster right now, and it says in big letters,

[8:08] Catch the Excitement, Catch the Adventure, Catch the Hawk, and then Bruce Willis.

[8:12] And then Hudson Hawk is in kind of the second smallest letters on the poster,

[8:16] but Hawk is in huge letters.

[8:18] So it's almost like they want people to just think it's called Hawk or maybe Catch the Hawk.

[8:22] To piggyback off that Hawk the Slayer madness that was sweeping the nation.

[8:27] And Lady Hawk and Hawk the Slayer had burned up the screens five to ten years before this, and they wanted to jump on that Hawk wagon.

[8:35] Hawkwind had, you know, of course by 1991 was long replaced by Motorhead in the hearts of Lemmy fans everywhere.

[8:43] But, you know, they thought, hey, maybe we can get some Hawkwind fans in there.

[8:45] And let's not forget, someone must like Hawkman.

[8:48] Somebody somewhere must like that character.

[8:51] Hudson Hawk is going to get it.

[8:52] Yeah, I was reading some of the reviews from the time this movie came out.

[8:56] And I was baffled at how much the reviews kind of didn't seem to understand what was going on in the movie, like what the movie was doing.

[9:02] But maybe, maybe it's because, and I have a theory about this, maybe it's because at the time there were a lot of action comedies.

[9:10] And so it was hard for them to look and looking at it back now, I'm like, oh, this is like, I mean, this is like if someone watched Tango and Cash when it came out, they're like, oh, another one of these and it doesn't make sense and it's dumb.

[9:24] Forget it.

[9:25] But looking at it now, you're like, this is a refreshing slice of madness that is nothing like the things that are being made right now.

[9:31] Well, and I think that when I first tried to watch this, I knew it was a bad movie and I was trying to watch it for being a bad movie or not a bad movie necessarily.

[9:39] We'll get to that. But like a critical and commercial flop.

[9:43] And and even as like viewing ironically, it confounded me.

[9:49] And now I feel like I've cast away all preconceived notions and I can see that it's almost like more in the spirit of like, I don't know, like our man Flint or something like a like a super campy, like globetrotting adventure.

[10:04] And I don't know, but like I do want to say, let's not pretend that everything about this movie is the product of calculation, because I my friend, I'll shout out my friend Kevin Cecil, who sent me a.

[10:19] introduction that he did to this movie when he presented it uh yeah i think it was either at

[10:24] the nighthawk or the alamo i can't recall but um but this movie like the character of hudson hawk

[10:30] is based on a song that like bruce willis bruce was playing harmonica in like the house of blues

[10:36] or somewhere like that he was playing harmonica when he was still a bartender no no i'm saying

[10:41] that he was playing harmonica at this place uh-huh and like he just got up and started joining in

[10:47] with the band unasked for oh yeah i'm just saying this is not this was not this was before he was

[10:51] famous that this happened so it wasn't i probably wasn't like the stage of the house of blues there's

[10:54] like a band playing at a bar somewhere you know uh well i mean my point is he did it without like

[11:01] it's not like he was in the band so it could have been either one what was he but the band

[11:05] called him up on stage i need to know more well the reason i bring well this wouldn't have gotten

[11:10] so fucking convoluted if elliot didn't jump in with their relevancies no no the reason i bring

[11:15] it up is because this is something that this is an idea that was in bruce willis's head for a long

[11:19] time this character of hudson hawk the celebrity thief you know yeah elliot that was the thing that

[11:24] i was explaining you didn't need to jump in and hijack it sorry i apologize i was a real hudson

[11:29] hawk there cat burglaring in to take control yeah the point is uh this he like came up with

[11:36] this character with one of his like blues buddies and uh like in the hit movie the blues buddies

[11:41] yes and this was before uh as you say uh bruce willis was famous in any way but he like always

[11:48] said like he was gonna make this movie about this character that they came up with for his song

[11:53] long ago and uh turned this into a movie and then meanwhile like stevie de souza like wrote the

[11:59] script for this the diehard guy but then they brought in daniel waters who wrote heathers and

[12:04] demolition man and batman returns and then less awesome things like the adventures of ford fairlane

[12:10] i assume to like weird up the script a little but then bruce willis kept rewriting all the stuff

[12:15] on set to his own like whims his like bruno whims it was a little bit like with doolittle where it's

[12:22] apparently robert denny jr would just come to the set and be like hey what if i gave an anima to a

[12:26] dragon and they're like okay like it's your movie go ahead we're gonna i guess that's what's gonna

[12:31] happen in this movie now that people are gonna pay money to go see that we're gonna release in

[12:35] theaters as a professional thing but dan i think uh probably there's a lot of we'll get we'll get

[12:40] we'll talk more about the behind the scenes shenanigans because this was a very difficult

[12:43] shoot but i will say as you said not everything was kind of like uh was according to plan but

[12:49] how could that be when the first time it was released on blu-ray in 2013 it was included as

[12:54] a set with hollywood homicide starring harrison ford and josh hartnett which is clearly exactly

[12:59] where it was meant to be with some random movie no one cared about from 12 years later guys let's

[13:06] talk about it wait okay okay or let's see i just i just wanted to say to the listener uh i feel like

[13:13] there's been a lot of concern about how much more irritable we are with one another of late uh from

[13:19] listeners they like the show because of the friendship i just want to say it's because of

[13:24] the friendship that we can be irritable to one another and then just ignore it five seconds

[13:30] i have to imagine dan i've not heard any any worries or complaints oh yeah look at all these

[13:34] letters sax and sax full of letters addressed to santa claus which i guess is me asking

[13:38] at santa claus for christmas can you please have elliot be meaner to dan and i'm like all right if

[13:45] if chris if chris kringle noted anti-semite wants me to do it then sure okay i mean go ahead

[13:52] i'm speaking to the sensitive listener elliot the one like me who uh worries about things that

[13:59] have have no bearing on his life okay that's fair now we should get into the movie since i do have

[14:03] seven and a half pages of notes about what happens so this is gonna be buckle up boys okay so uh this

[14:10] the movie begins as the best movies do with a giant illuminated tone telling the story of

[14:15] da vinci is this so how da vinci was supposed to build an enormous bronze horse statue that's a

[14:20] true story he was uh commissioned to do that i think eventually they did build that statue

[14:25] like sometime in the last 15 years or so based on his original plans but as they explained bronze

[14:31] got scarce because of all the wars you need bronze for wars because nothing wins wars like

[14:36] bronze and so he's so he makes a big uh what i would call steampunk but i'm wrong about that

[14:43] because according to wikipedia it's clock punk technology it predates steam so uh by which i

[14:50] mean it predates the peter gabriel song steam uh so it's it's a clockwork machine that turns

[14:55] he wants to turn lead into bronze but uh-oh he did it wrong using his three magic

[15:02] medley crystal-y jaggedy pieces that when you put them together into puzzle and you hit them

[15:07] with a laser it turns lead into gold bump bump bomb and we spend a lot of time watching dr

[15:14] dr da vinci watching leonardo da vinci uh who is not a doctor do not take medical advice from him

[15:20] oh wait hold on now we gotta sell this to cbs like the rest of the podcast is beating out the

[15:27] pilot to dr dan honestly like if we could sell that to cbs tomorrow that's what separates us from

[15:33] rich famous television producers is i say dr da vinci and i'm like that's stupid he wasn't a

[15:38] doctor and they would be like yes it's leonardo da vinci but he's a doctor this is perfect it's

[15:43] like house meets uh what's that what's an old-timey that meets uh the da vinci code that sell it dan

[15:49] why are we not selling this right now i don't know anyway this is a whole section of the movie that i

[15:55] did not remember actually at all like i did not remember how it opened this this da vinci code

[15:59] nonsense is like completely was like seeing it with fresh eyes it's so absurd it takes it's so

[16:05] it takes a long time and it was obviously very expensive and the movie does not need it uh there's

[16:11] like a little bit of like kind of jokey voiceover and then it's just in italian with no subtitles

[16:16] da vinci walking through his workshop just yelling things at people and then putting on sunglasses so

[16:21] he can watch the laser turn bronze into turn lead into gold and then he tricks someone into testing

[16:27] a glider that'll come up later we have to see that glider work because we know you need to know that

[16:32] someone has a has a glider and he walks past he's painting mona lisa but he hasn't painted in the

[16:37] smile yet and she smiles and she's got terrible teeth oh boy that's a joke for the art crowd

[16:41] that's a highbrow joke and then uh there's going to be a second tooth joke soon but i want to say

[16:47] uh perhaps part of the reason this was roundly rejected by the public is uh i you know i was

[16:53] watching this this with audrey who had no prior sort of context for the movie or idea of what to

[16:58] expect and it was very confusing to a start with leonardo da vinci and then b uh have everyone in

[17:07] the movie sort of off the bat talking about like old timey tough guys and it was just like she had

[17:14] a reaction that i i didn't understand but i think other people like perfectly reasonable to have was

[17:20] like what is this movie where is it set like when is it set like what type of thing is this and i

[17:27] think that people who don't see a lot of movies are less comfortable with uh not knowing exactly

[17:33] what type of movie they're seeing.

[17:36] I can see that.

[17:36] Well, I think also there's certain types of movies

[17:38] that you expect to come in certain forms.

[17:40] I think this is a corollary to what you're saying,

[17:42] much as my I know who killed me theorem,

[17:45] which is that if I know who killed me had been in Italian,

[17:47] people would be like, oh, look what it does with color.

[17:49] It doesn't matter that the plot doesn't make sense.

[17:51] Oh, look at it.

[17:52] It's a dreamscape.

[17:53] I think if Hudson Hawk was a Hong Kong movie

[17:56] with Hong Kong actors,

[17:58] the clashing of tones and the craziness,

[18:00] people would be like, I love it.

[18:01] It's crazy.

[18:02] It's like a goofy cartoon.

[18:03] But to have an American movie with American actors, and it's a huge name cast, and British actors, to have them all in it, it's like, what is going on here?

[18:11] Whereas the same movie from another country, I think people might have been like, those goofballs in that other country, they make these crazy movies.

[18:19] Oh, boy.

[18:20] I remember when I watched it the first time, I was watching a lot of Monty Python movies, and it sort of fit squarely into that in my head.

[18:31] And one of the reasons why I think my brain accepted it at that time and was rejected

[18:35] by other people at that time was the same sort of thing.

[18:37] Like it felt, I got it.

[18:40] I didn't think it was altogether successful, but at least I got what was going on.

[18:44] Yeah.

[18:44] I mean, it is not altogether successful.

[18:46] And there's one scene in particular, which I think is, we'll get, it's probably the scene

[18:49] everyone is assuming is I think maybe one of the worst scenes in the history of film,

[18:53] but we'll get to it.

[18:54] So now flash forward 500 years later, and we're introduced to cat burglar, Eddie, the

[19:00] hudson hawk now is his last name okay his last name is hawkins okay because sometimes the characters

[19:06] call him eddie sometimes they call him hawk and sometimes they call him hudson and i was very

[19:11] unsure at any point which of those words was actually part of his real name uh but he's he's

[19:17] a famous cat burglar we meet him on the day he's getting out of jail and he's so smooth and you

[19:20] know that because he's got three earrings in one ear none in the other i believe and he's got a

[19:24] black fedora and a black trench coat and a black t-shirt and black slacks and black shoes but

[19:29] By the way, those clothes, the clothes that...

[19:32] And again, Cadillac, yeah, thanks.

[19:33] The boys at Time Bomb.

[19:34] You're saying, Stuart, that the boys at Time Bomb.

[19:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[19:37] I just wanted to say that the releasing officer

[19:42] makes fun of him for wearing the same clothes

[19:45] when presumably these are the clothes

[19:47] that he came in with when he was arrested.

[19:49] Like, I don't think that you could be like,

[19:52] oh, check out Mr. Prisoner over here

[19:54] wearing the same thing that he came in with.

[19:57] Oh, crazy.

[19:58] Can't even online shop?

[20:00] Don't you get the J.Crews catalogs in behind bars?

[20:05] Come on, come on, guy, come on.

[20:07] Hey, consider the real real.

[20:08] Consignment for less.

[20:12] But this is also the first moment where I realized, again, I forgot,

[20:15] that this is an R-rated movie.

[20:17] Like the parole officer says fuck for the first time,

[20:19] and then I was like, oh, well, they used up their fuck for the first time,

[20:22] and it's got to be no fucks from here on out.

[20:24] But it is full of fucks after that.

[20:27] This movie, you could say it doesn't give a fuck, but it actually gives dozens of them.

[20:30] It has no business being an R-rated movie.

[20:33] It makes no sense whatsoever.

[20:34] This should be a PG-13 movie, but it shows it's 1991.

[20:38] It's interesting to see how things shift.

[20:42] In the 80s, you could have a PG-rated comedy that had nudity in it.

[20:46] In the 90s, if you were making an action movie, people were just going to swear the shit out of that action movie.

[20:51] But now, even if you're making a horror movie, they're going to want it to be a PG-13 movie.

[20:56] And it's just interesting the way that that goes back.

[20:59] You'll watch movies from back then, and you're like, this would not fly now.

[21:03] But also, the swearing is so gratuitous.

[21:05] Any movie where a big plot point is the character being able to sing old standards with his buddy,

[21:11] there's not really a reason why it should be an R-rated movie and they should be swearing all the time.

[21:15] Not only a big plot point, the best plot point.

[21:18] This is where you and I maybe are again on opposite poles.

[21:23] So Eddie, his parole officer, immediately tries to threaten him into robbing an auction house.

[21:29] And he's like, come on.

[21:30] It's my first day out of jail.

[21:31] You want me to go back to being a criminal again?

[21:33] But he's a real—

[21:34] Wait, that's your Bruce Willis?

[21:36] Oh, yeah.

[21:36] Sorry, Bruce Willis.

[21:37] Well, the thing is I can't do 90s Bruce Willis.

[21:39] I can do now's Bruce Willis where he's like, hey, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be going back there anymore.

[21:45] I can do like current sad all the time Bruce Willis.

[21:48] But I don't think I can do like the Bruce Willis back when his thing was jokes.

[21:52] I can do the Bruce Willis now when his thing is that he's always on the verge of crying?

[21:55] I mean, I think old Bruce Willis had the same sort of lack of enthusiasm for stuff.

[22:01] He was just a lot smugger about it.

[22:03] So if you can just sort of combine those two things.

[22:06] Okay, he is very smug.

[22:07] And I think that's the other thing that turned people off instantly is that Bruce Willis is so incredibly smug in this,

[22:12] especially for a character who never really seems to be in real danger and always gets what he wants.

[22:17] I mean, that's what makes him smug is he always ends up on top.

[22:20] And sometimes that's funny when it happens here, but there are times when it's like, the movie is so, like, you love this guy, he's so funny.

[22:29] Look at him, he's your favorite.

[22:31] Don't you want to, like, be him?

[22:33] Don't you want to do him and be him?

[22:34] Don't you want to be him and do him so it's two of him doing each other?

[22:38] And, like, wouldn't that be the best?

[22:39] And it's very...

[22:41] And I think that's you feeling the influence of Bruce Willis, like, co-writer and, you know, driving creative force behind this in the movie.

[22:51] He also, he does have some of the worst quips I've ever heard in a not worst movie in the world action movie.

[22:58] He has, like, and I have to assume he ad-libs some of them, but they're terrible.

[23:01] They're just terrible jokes.

[23:02] But also the time, at the time, I was more bought into him.

[23:07] He's kind of like Bruce Willis at this time is kind of like, you know, like a kid who's like two years older than you.

[23:12] Like you're you're you're 13. He's 15. He has a popped collar.

[23:15] And he's like he's like super cool. And you think he's amazing.

[23:19] You just want to be him. And then you get like two years older and you're like, that guy was a loser.

[23:24] Like that guy sucks. And but at the time, he's just fascinating.

[23:28] And so he has that like my tolerance for his smugness has dropped precipitously in the 30 years since this movie came out.

[23:36] I think that says a lot about your maturing as a person, and I'm proud of you, Roman, that you didn't stick with that love of Bruce Willis is like the ultimate dude.

[23:44] Oh, man, look at this guy.

[23:45] And you're probably on to like, what, like more of a Jeff Bridges type of admiration?

[23:49] Yeah, of course.

[23:50] I feel like once you reach a certain age, you transfer from Bruce Willis to Jeff Bridges, and you're like, oh, I should have always felt this way.

[23:56] But you can't.

[23:57] It's impossible.

[23:57] Like, Jeff Bridges, one, he doesn't make that many movies that kids and teenagers see.

[24:02] And number two, it's just kind of a deeper sort of dudeness that eventually we'll get old and we'll find Jeff Bridges to be smug.

[24:09] And that's when it's all Charles Durning all the time.

[24:11] And we just know that Charles Durning is just like the coolest guy with the smoothest moves.

[24:16] I mean, that's the most logical progression.

[24:18] It goes Bruce Willis, Jeff Bridges, Charles Durning.

[24:22] The descent of man right there.

[24:23] Yeah, exactly.

[24:24] And then you die and you go all the way back around and you're like, Eric von Stroheim has it going on in all these movies.

[24:29] Recent evil German.

[24:30] Amazing.

[24:32] Okay, anyway, so Eddie, he gets out of jail.

[24:34] Right as he's leaving the doors, his best friend, that's right, Tommy Five-Tone, Danny Aiello, pulls up in his fancy old car.

[24:42] He hands him an espresso, which he knows is the thing that, or it's a cappuccino, the thing that he knows that Eddie wants more than anything else.

[24:49] And I have to imagine he must have gotten it before driving up to the prison, so it must be so lukewarm by now, if not cold.

[24:54] But Bruce Willis just cannot wait to have this cold coffee in a diner cup.

[25:00] They go back to Five Tones, Tommy's Bar, which Bruce Willis is, I guess, a co-owner of maybe, which in the time he was in prison, it went from a cool kind of probably not guys who are connected, but guys who want to be connected, you know, kind of the old neighborhood type guys.

[25:17] It turned into a real yuppie hangout that even has the most horrible food Bruce Willis can imagine, reindeer goat cheese pizza.

[25:25] Now, let's stop for a moment. Is it goat cheese pizza with reindeer meat, or is it that when you make reindeer cheese, you also call it goat cheese because it's more similar to goat cheese in consistency than cow cheese?

[25:35] Dan, you're the culinary expert. Please explain. What is reindeer goat cheese pizza?

[25:39] You know, I guess this would – all right. When I heard it, I thought it was referring to a type of cheese. The whole thing was referring to a type of cheese.

[25:51] And I thought that because later in the movie, Bruce Willis says, go back to your reindeer goat cheese.

[25:57] As if that was the thing and not like the pizza was not an important part of that.

[26:02] But reindeer meat with goat cheese definitely would make more logical sense.

[26:08] I will say that this is how you also, you know, what time period this is, because the worst threat America was facing was yuppies and the ascent of yuppies.

[26:18] it's kind of like how when we watched how are the duck uh that live show is up on our youtube

[26:22] channel when we watched however the duck it was like just it was a just a joke that a restaurant

[26:26] would serve sushi the idea of a fusion restaurant that had sushi in it was like instant instant joke

[26:31] and that dates that movie now according to imdb trivia bruce willis also mentions reindeer goat

[26:36] cheese pizza in the last boy scout so does that mean these movies are in the same cinematic

[26:40] universe the reindeer goat cheese pizza cinematic universe or rgc pcu i feel like he must have had

[26:48] one bad experience with reindeer goat cheese and he's like i mean i don't know where you get it but

[26:54] do you think there's a chance that it was just reindeer cheese it just happens to be

[27:00] the greatest of all time reindeer cheese oh that could be it it was sold to him as greatest of all

[27:06] time cheese from a reindeer and he never let it go okay yes now it makes perfect sense thank you

[27:11] stewart uh for explaining that to me uh now here is where uh a mobster gets bruce willis's attention

[27:18] by shooting the espresso cup out of his hand uh the fact that that bullet would not be would not

[27:23] be stopped by the cup but would instead go keep going and kill someone is never attended to

[27:28] similar much later in the movie bruce willis a bullet bounces off his belt buckle which is crazy

[27:34] that's and it's not like he has a big crazy belt buckle it's just a regular men's belt buckle

[27:38] that would have killed him yeah and this also sets up the like the character arc for the entire movie

[27:44] which is uh will willis's search for cappuccino being thwarted at every turn this is kind of a

[27:49] birds of prey egg sandwich situation yeah this was very frustrating this was yeah every time he wants

[27:57] a cappuccino he just it's it's a real uh discrete charm of the bourgeoisie uh that's going on in the

[28:02] background of this movie where he just cannot get that cappuccino you know i've been talking about

[28:06] stress streams with a lot of people lately for i don't know what the reason i'd be talking about

[28:10] stress streams right now but um but i was saying that my most common type of stress stream is there

[28:17] is a relatively simple task that i need to perform i want to perform and things keep getting in my

[28:22] way i'm gonna need an example so uh what i need an example of one of these simple tasks yeah paint

[28:29] a word like i oh there was one where it's just like i have to like look up something and i can't

[28:38] like i can't get the computer to work i can't like find like a reference book like all this

[28:44] like i i mean i forget my dreams pretty quickly because they're also extremely elaborate

[28:49] like baroque nonsense that keeps shifting genre but we often forget elaborate things yeah

[28:55] uh oh i i see what's happening here i get i get the bit so uh and my venmo for this session is

[29:05] okay all right well i mean fair enough you did the work dan i'm gonna write you a prescription

[29:12] for 100 milligrams of nobody cares uh so if you could take this 10 times a day

[29:17] fair enough i'm just kidding i'm fascinated by your subconscious it's a crazy place

[29:24] Okay, so it turns out the cup was shot out of his hand by some thugs led by these mobsters, the Mario Brothers.

[29:30] Get it? It's a joke.

[29:31] They're two Mario Brothers.

[29:32] Frank Stallone is the brains of the group, which gives you an indication of the level of these mobsters.

[29:37] And you'll recognize Frank Stallone because he looks exactly like his brother, only a little less droopy.

[29:44] I mean, he looks like a guy who got surgery to look like Sylvester Stallone.

[29:47] They want him to pull off this heist of the auction house, the same one that the parole officer was trying to get him to do.

[29:54] And Danny Ayo, he smashes a wine bottle over one of their heads, and they leave, but they are still threatening him.

[30:00] So he's got to go do this heist.

[30:03] He just got out of jail, as he continues to remind everybody throughout the movie.

[30:06] As they're preparing, they're going over the robbery plan, and Danny Ayo is quizzing Eddie on the lengths of different songs.

[30:12] This is his amazing skill, besides being a cat burglar, is he knows the exact length to the second of every song that you ask him.

[30:20] According to IMDb goofs, he's often wrong in his answers, but the movie takes them as totally correct.

[30:26] You're treating that as if those two things are unrelated, but they are joined facts.

[30:30] The reason why he's such a good cat burglar is because he knows all the length of these songs, because that is his timing watch, is the length of the songs.

[30:37] I wonder if that's something that is a way of them trying to make him into a fantasy figure, is it's like, well, I could never be a cat burglar, but I do know how long that song is.

[30:46] It's like all these music nerds are like, hey, maybe I could do it too.

[30:50] um i the thing that uh it's gonna seem so weird for me to object to the reality of this in hudson

[30:58] hawk the movie hudson hawk but uh the thing that bothered me is i feel like if this was a guy who's

[31:05] like i know the length to the second of every sinatra song or old standard like yeah sure but

[31:11] it seems like he knows every song in that like he's asked about mariah carey singing the national

[31:16] anthem at uh the super bowl at one point they mentioned in the goofs that uh on imdb that uh

[31:22] he says that it takes he they say how long does whitney houston sing the national anthem and he

[31:27] goes seven minutes and in actuality it was like someone else sang it at that super bowl it was

[31:30] two and a half minutes and it's only after i read that goof that i was like yeah seven minutes is a

[31:34] crazy amount of time to sing the national anthem like is she singing every verse even the bad ones

[31:40] even like the ones that that are offensive like what is going and like i know when you're like a

[31:45] soul or or or hip-hop type singer you really extend those syllables and you can really extend

[31:49] a song but like that seems like for the national anthem you got to believe that the super bowl

[31:54] producers were tapping their watches and they're like she's she's eating into the commercial time

[31:57] like we cannot and we and we need to and we need to have the premiere of friends right after the

[32:02] super bowl we said in the commercials right after the super bowl like just pull her mic she can't

[32:07] even finish we'll just we'll just end on uh on rockets red glare and then we don't need the rest

[32:10] of the song like come on now elliot was was finding out that piece of information was that

[32:15] the straw that broke the camel's back and you're like i don't know what to trust anymore were you

[32:19] like yes yes is this my computer or is it uh a cake like i'm just sort of thing i'm just like

[32:25] the guy in the guy in maltese falcon who almost got hit by a girder i walked away from my family

[32:29] walked away from my job i just said i live in a world where there are no standards and i've got a

[32:34] i've got to start over anew and that's why i gotta tell everybody this is my last episode of the

[32:38] flop house next week i'll be starting even i'll be starting my new podcast hey what which is me

[32:44] just kind of not knowing what things are going on just kidding this is my last episode of the

[32:47] podcast i'm gonna do probably a thousand more episodes yeah i would say too uh i would be

[32:53] perfectly happy for this to uh be moved over to incorrectly regarded as goofs under the assumption

[32:59] that the hawk is just fucking with him if not for as roman says the fact that this is integral to

[33:06] his uh cat burglaring like to know the lengths of these songs it is also to me enjoying the movie at

[33:12] all yeah okay interesting this is what unlocked the movie for me is is its ridiculousness of this

[33:18] premise what's funny is when that when the bullet shatters his coffee cup and he just like does a

[33:23] jack benny slow burn look that's when i started realizing i don't think this movie is on the level

[33:28] i think this movie might be messing with me but then uh this next scene really pulls it off but

[33:33] it's really one of those things like that shows you the the mix of tone in that sometimes violence

[33:39] is just goofy the coffee cup exploding and sometimes violence is a bunch of syringes in

[33:44] your face and it's sort of like the tone of this thing just bounces back and forth in these

[33:49] incredible ways that and also it's crazy and it gets increasingly cartoony at an increasing pace

[33:56] like i'm sure somebody could do the algebraic formula that talks about the increasing rapid

[34:00] rate of cartoonists as the movie goes on and by the end of it i was just like all right like i

[34:04] can't even yeah like i don't even i don't cannot pretend to care what happens to these characters

[34:09] as we'll see when uh when james coburn's martial arts abilities cause bruce willis to be trapped

[34:14] in a just swiveling at the waist loop stun locks them in that animation yeah yeah so uh they go

[34:21] and they do they're gonna do this elaborate job they gotta use uh pooled lifesavers to uh to get

[34:27] on a rope and walk across this building and the whole time and they've got to switch the security

[34:31] tapes so that the guards don't notice and the whole time they are having a ball they are laughing

[34:37] they are joking there is no suspense on their part they could they are so this is when the

[34:42] smugness really got to me because it was like they are so confident in their abilities to pull

[34:45] off this heist that at no point do they ever betray that they're even taking it seriously

[34:50] or care that much about it you know well there's also this constant patter of like kind of busting

[34:55] each other's balls that's all of it's in the form of jokes like like bruce willis clearly thought

[35:01] that these were all jokes but none of them are really funny none of this like yeah this banter

[35:07] that basically just comes down to him being like hey you're fat danny iel hey hey no no you're

[35:12] looking good you're looking good you're fat so hey like that's basically the level and it has

[35:16] the classic heist trope of not telling each other what they're going to do during this elaborate

[35:21] a heist which is something that always amazes me especially since they we had a scene right before

[35:27] this where they're supposed to be going over the plan for the heist but they keep surprising each

[35:30] other and it's almost like they are they're a they're a heist couple that has been doing this

[35:34] for so long they're so bored with each other the only way they can keep the spark alive is to

[35:38] constantly surprise each other in the heist room and just kind of keep kind of keep pulling tricks

[35:43] so that they keep each other on their toes you know like it's like oh let's let's role play during

[35:47] this heist let's say during this heist that i'm the school principal and you're a naughty student

[35:51] Okay, but we're still stealing a horse statue from an auction of tacky horse art, right?

[35:55] Yes, of course.

[35:56] That's exactly what we're doing.

[35:57] But maybe I handcuff you, but they're like fuzzy handcuffs.

[36:00] Like that's what it feels like.

[36:01] They really got to get the spark back in.

[36:03] Yeah, they've got this elaborate song-based timing thing.

[36:06] And I kept wondering like, so does the timing of the song figure in like the way that they're going everywhere really slowly because they're dancing along to their own singing?

[36:16] and does it like figure in the fact that after the heist they just kind of stand around congratulating

[36:20] each other for a while this is the problem is that the song it the idea of a heist time to a song is

[36:26] a really neat idea and you could build a real neat sequence about it but it fails for these reasons

[36:31] one smug up the wazoo they're so smug about it two they're singing would you like to swing on a star

[36:37] which is i'm just gonna say it a dumb song it's a standard but i think it's a really dumb song

[36:42] three it doesn't like you're saying it does not line up with any of the things that they're

[36:46] actually doing and four it's not the same length as the heist so they do end up having all this

[36:51] dead time at the end where they're just kind of killing time when they should be leaving you know

[36:56] yeah and i i i am glad that you brought up uh the song would you like to swing on a star um

[37:02] because i was thinking about after the movie i'm like i like that song i think like the tune for

[37:07] instance is is great and like the the the chorus i like quite a bit but there's two problems with

[37:14] it one it posits uh that you the listener doesn't know what various animals are and need them

[37:20] explained to you and two it gives this world where your um your two options are either being turned

[37:29] into an animal or swinging on a star which i don't think i can't relate to that i mean to be honest

[37:34] there's a fantasy movie in the world that that song describes where you reach the age of like

[37:39] what 13 and you have a choice of either becoming a celestial being who cannot interact with the

[37:45] physical world like you swing on stars that's how you control your trajectory as a spirit being

[37:49] through space and you get to see all these amazing wonders you're part of the ether and part of the

[37:53] firmament of the heavens but you can't enjoy regular life or you become the lowest of brute

[37:58] animals and you can take part in the physical pleasures of life fee eating rutting pooping but

[38:03] you'll never know any of the higher pursuits of you know the the cosmos and so i mean that's i

[38:10] mean it maybe it's not a movie maybe it's like a short story uh but i mean maybe that's maybe

[38:14] that's what the song is about but as it comes out now it's just two guys who like every italian man

[38:20] of a certain age believes he can sing just like tony bennett and and it's just belting it out

[38:25] while kind of like half chuckling to himself and they're like it's it really seems to get in the

[38:31] way of the robbery i guess that's what the problem is that i have with it uh but they do manage to

[38:35] steal the scale model of da vinci's horse their mischief gets noticed they've got to run from the

[38:39] guards bruce willis bongs their heads together and it makes like a bonk hannah barbara sound effect

[38:43] which is the kind of thing i always love but you gotta you gotta prepare me for it in some way it

[38:48] can't come out of nowhere i gotta i gotta know this is like there's it's if it just let me know

[38:53] ahead of time it's the kind of movie where i'm going to be able to hear where you might hear

[38:56] see someone run and hear bongo noises at the same time i just need to know for instance the heist

[39:00] This could be taking place in, like, Toontown or something, right?

[39:02] Exactly.

[39:04] Or, like, for instance, when in the moment in Godzilla Final Wars,

[39:06] when Rodan's wings flap and create a wind,

[39:09] and a cop's hat and a pimp's hat fly off their heads,

[39:11] and you hear zing, by that point,

[39:13] you know this is the kind of movie where there might be a sound effect

[39:16] when someone's hat flies off their head.

[39:17] It's not totally taking you by surprise.

[39:19] But I digress.

[39:21] They manage to escape by jumping off the skyscraper,

[39:25] an awning that rips almost instantly manages to break their fall,

[39:28] And rather than having all their bones shattered or dying, they end up in the apartment of Eddie's parole officer.

[39:33] He's delivering the horse, and that's when, uh-oh, a new character enters.

[39:37] The first of an increasing series of goofy characters as a kind of butler assassin.

[39:43] An English butler assassin comes in, and he dresses like a butler and has a bowler hat and has an English accent.

[39:50] So everyone just assumes he's a butler, and he does turn out to be a butler.

[39:52] So I thought it was just a quip that Bruce Willis was making.

[39:55] But, no, he was accurately identifying in the wild this life form, the English butler.

[39:59] He accepts the horse and then smashes it.

[40:03] Inside is one of the pieces of the gold-making machine.

[40:06] Then, for some reason, he uses a retractable knife in his sleeve to kill Hawk's parole officer by just slashing his throat open.

[40:13] Don't know why he did that.

[40:14] And then he leaves.

[40:15] And he doesn't kill the other witnesses.

[40:18] He just does that.

[40:20] Now, this was also the first moment in the movie where it was, like, real hardcore violence.

[40:25] And again, the tone of it was like, again, if I was, if this was a Hong Kong movie, I'd

[40:28] be like, yep, I'm ready to see someone's head explode and then see a scene where someone

[40:31] cries over their best friend being in the hospital.

[40:33] And then a scene where someone's slipping on paint and they just fall down and get all

[40:36] paint messy.

[40:37] But again, in an American movie, I was like, whoa, that was more extreme than I thought

[40:40] it was going to be.

[40:41] How did you guys take it?

[40:42] How did it affect you guys?

[40:43] Roman sitting in the theater, we were like, whoa, cool.

[40:45] Or you, were you like, what?

[40:46] Or were you just like, huh?

[40:48] Or were you just like not paying attention?

[40:49] Or maybe you'd gotten up to use the bathroom at that point.

[40:51] I don't know.

[40:52] Fill me in.

[40:53] I mean, I don't know if I was shocked at the time, but I definitely feel it today where it was just like that doesn't that, you know, like I was pretty down with any type of violence that could happen at the time.

[41:03] Yeah. And so now I notice it as being sort of incongruous.

[41:05] But but but I like the whole scene starts with him.

[41:09] You know, they they they jump to the awning and then it it cuts to him falling through onto the Barca lounger in the apartment.

[41:17] and so and again this is one of those things where i'm like i i don't know if i want more of that

[41:22] movie but at least it's something you know like there's you know like and then and then he comes

[41:26] in with the the knife and slits a throat and you're just like what the fuck is going on

[41:31] and there's a there's a better version of that exact bit later in the movie but there was a

[41:36] moment where i was like wait did he fall through an awning or did he fall through the roof of an

[41:39] apartment yeah or did is there an apartment under the sidewalk under the awning and he fell through

[41:45] like it's a very confusing cut but yeah it's like this is a it's a movie that it's almost like a

[41:50] movie that's like it's like an optometrist and they're like you like it like this or do you

[41:53] like it like this better number one or better number two better if it's a heist thriller or

[41:57] better if it's a goofy comedy better if it's super violent or better if it's a it's like

[42:01] pan-barbaric sound effects better if they say the swear words a lot or better if the jokes are like

[42:06] things that a 10 year old would enjoy it's it's i guess what i'm saying is hudson hawk has something

[42:11] for everybody put it on the dvd box elliot calen on the blob house uh has david caruso shown up yet

[42:17] no uh he he's about to he's about to the next day the robbery has been the weird thing is

[42:22] stewart asked that about everybody yeah yeah next day uh the robbery uh has been covered up

[42:28] the auction is still going on for this horse statue eddie goes to the auction to see what's

[42:32] going on he asks he's like how much does a tuxedo cost and then you see him in the most

[42:36] 1991 tuxedo it is roman you're the design expert please explain this he shows up like a member of

[42:43] the revolution a princess revolution and it is just glorious and if you could you know if there's

[42:49] a still of an image that represents 1991 you know like this is it it is beautiful this it has a nice

[42:58] padded shoulders no tie because who has time for that nonsense when it comes to a tuxedo

[43:04] and oh it is cut beautifully it is absurd socks for days like it has loafers really low loafers

[43:11] and just socks that just are like the great plains um it is just glorious it's a it's a

[43:19] beautiful tuxedo and he's not the only one who's dressed up because there's also it it's the kind

[43:23] of it's the kind of tuxedo you might wear uh if you were escorting cindy crawford to a planet

[43:29] a hollywood opening you know that's i mean that that seems like a very specific scenario

[43:35] and he seems to be the only one wearing a tuxedo so i don't know why this is required

[43:39] of this particular job it's like i wish there was a joke about it where it was like he thinks that

[43:44] every auction is like a black tie event so he's in a tuxedo and everyone else is in just kind of

[43:49] like suits but no there's also yeah well with no time of course yeah but there's also uh a bunch

[43:55] of people who we're not sure who they are but they're also very they're also dressed up like

[43:58] dick tracy villains circa 1991 uh in the back uh one of them being that's right the star of jade

[44:04] david caruso uh we'll get to him um they ask they i was trying to explain who david caruso was and

[44:12] i'm like uh okay well if you haven't seen nypd blue and you have no idea what jade the movie

[44:20] he left nypd blue for is uh i don't know and then i'm like oh yeah later on i'm like oh yeah he's in

[44:26] that csi show that's the that's the current david caruso contest i mean even that is like a 12 year

[44:33] old david caruso context but it's it's hard to it's hard it would be hard to explain to someone

[44:37] what a big deal it was that david caruso left nypd blue after one season to make jade like i was a

[44:44] kid and i remember it being something that i was aware of that a show i had never watched the star

[44:50] of it who i had never heard of before was leaving to make a movie i would never see and yet somehow

[44:55] the erotic action thriller jade and it was a big deal that he was going to be in

[44:59] dave he was going to be in the ester house follow-up to basic instinct like oh man it was

[45:05] it was a simpler time by which i mean a time when the decisions of white men were just of a higher

[45:11] importance an inflated importance some would say uh an unreal unnecessary importance so uh he goes

[45:17] to the auction house and he knows that this horse is a fake because he stole the horse and yet

[45:22] auction expert andy mcdowell attests that the horse is real by holding it briefly for a moment

[45:28] uh holding it briefly this is the first of a series of time in which people touch priceless

[45:35] artifacts with their bare hands which really stressed me out a lot oh yeah but later when

[45:42] he steals a leonardo da vinci codex and he's just pulling it he's that like shoots it with a dart

[45:46] and then pulls it with a grappling hook up into the air and i was like that thing is falling apart

[45:50] there's no way yeah but it's also also before he knows that andy mcdowell is the appraiser he kind

[45:56] of like tries to hit on her by saying something about oh i guess if you want to get into art you

[46:01] have to look like a constipated warthog or something like that and i'm like okay first

[46:06] off that's a terrible pickup line but second like she's at the art auction why would you think that

[46:12] insulting people at an art auction would be the way to go because he's brucey w he's there ironically

[46:18] and it's clear that she notices the horse and also the gloves that could have helped to build

[46:25] the suspense like he's like uh-oh she's gonna know it's a fake as she's putting the gloves on

[46:30] and getting ready but they don't do that she just picks it up she knows it's a fake she looks at him

[46:34] and then says oh no it's real it's the real da vinci horse statue that's when who bursts in

[46:39] but the best character one of the two best characters in the whole movie that's right

[46:43] darwin mayflower the eccentric mean billionaire played by the great immortal richard e grant and

[46:50] this is the book i've been this movie i've been wanting to read richard e grant's memoirs

[46:54] for a long time and it wasn't until i watched this movie and in doing research realized an

[46:58] entire chapter of his his book is about hudson hawk that i ordered it i was like i have to read

[47:03] it now totally uh he's so good he is he's so good at it he's like he's the only person in the movie

[47:09] who i feel like him and cinderella bernhardt are the only people who are accurately getting the

[47:13] tone of the movie which is big and dumb and like he just walks in and he walks and yells

[47:18] a hundred million dollars clams hundred million clams is that what he said oh i forgot i i will

[47:24] make the objection i do think that they're the two people who get the tone and i really like

[47:29] sandra bernhardt in like kind of as a per as a persona as like a performer i don't think that

[47:36] her acting is very good here in hudson are you saying like are you saying the part of the the

[47:42] evil billionaire who wants to destroy the world by undermining the gold market with a

[47:46] 15th century machine that she didn't pull that off realistically that you never believed the

[47:51] situation i just think that she sometimes has some like complex lines that she has to spit at

[47:56] the camera and they always sound like they're lines rather where richard e grant is you know

[48:01] like i mean amazing if you're getting me if you're trying to get back me into a corner where i argue

[48:04] that sandra bernhardt is as good an actor as richard e grant i'm gonna avoid that corner i'm

[48:08] not going in there i'm not all right call me call me baby because you're not there's a there's a

[48:14] stiffness to her that i feel like is a choice but it is definitely odd yeah whereas he is really

[48:20] hamming it up in a way that still feels like it comes from the character in some ways yeah you

[48:26] can you can see her choices but i still think both of them like i would drop the mayflowers as

[48:31] villains into any movie as far as i'm concerned they're so good apparently they're like they're

[48:36] like a team rocket of this movie uh yeah pokemon apparently it's like pokemon yeah yeah yeah team

[48:42] rocket yeah we got it's a guy and a girl they're evil they're all they're trying to catch them all

[48:45] yeah we understand and they have a cat character kit kat i think i'm seeing a connection here guys

[48:51] let me let me get back to my connection board over here and draw some yeah okay uh so they are

[49:00] they are they are incredibly evil billionaires i think you're right dan that that uh that sandra

[49:03] Bernhardt is much more stiffly performative

[49:06] in a way that I agree Roman I think is

[49:07] on purpose whereas Richard E. Grant

[49:10] you imagine he could just ad lib in this character

[49:12] for a hundred hours

[49:13] Richard E. Grant has a way

[49:15] of performing where he looks

[49:18] like he's shocked that he's allowed

[49:19] to get to do this he's like so

[49:21] excited he's like I can't believe

[49:24] it and he's so

[49:25] physical like he jumps from like

[49:27] off a table and he thrusts his

[49:29] pelvis and stuff he's just delightful

[49:32] yeah like he's making he does seem like the yeah the physical manifestation of the phrase

[49:37] well he seems like he's the he's the guy also like that he is it's kind of like nicholas cage

[49:44] and uh kiss the vampire in that it's like we're making this movie it's crazy that i'm making this

[49:49] movie so i'm gonna go all out all the time like it's almost like he's pushing himself to have as

[49:53] much fun as possible because he hates the movie that he's in so much can you just call that movie

[49:58] kiss the vampire a kiss of the vampire kiss the vampire was a booth that i had at a carnival did

[50:03] not go well people did not want to kiss that vampire i my mistake is instead of getting one

[50:11] of the sexy vampires i got nosferatu and people were not crazy about vampire yeah you're like

[50:18] come on come on orlok put on some uh makeup or something get that pale you know just hide those

[50:25] ears maybe put some rouge on those cheeks we're a wig uh so here's something that i learned while

[50:30] watching the movie while reading about the movie afterwards is that so originally the villain in

[50:33] the early drafts was a guy then they changed it to a woman and apparently according to the thing

[50:37] i was reading they tried to get audrey hepburn to come out of retirement to play the villain in

[50:41] this movie which would have been bonkers it would have been quite a coup incredibly bonkers yeah

[50:46] but instead they couldn't so bruce willis was like let's just have the man villain and the woman

[50:50] villain be in the same movie uh i mean i i feel like the fact that they wanted her plus the fact

[50:55] that james coburn is in this movie maybe they were also that points to a charade influence on

[50:59] what they were trying to do i could see that i think it's a i mean that was also at the time

[51:04] when like those are the movies that the stars of this the people making this movie grew up on those

[51:07] movies you know so they wanted to i should mention we're recording this on the day that olivia had

[51:11] to haviland has the news of her passing came around and that was a moment for me that i was

[51:16] very it really hit me hard that like that era of hollywood is dead like a couple weeks ago i made

[51:21] sammy watch the adventures of robin hood the errol flynn version which he really liked a lot

[51:25] and while we're watching olivia de havilland's in the movie and i'm like she's still alive can

[51:29] you believe that and she was like that's amazing i cannot tell him that anymore because at 104

[51:33] she's dead you know what they say fame ain't it a bitch and by they i mean aj benza in uh old

[51:39] promos for a true hollywood story now uh guys here's what happens i don't think fame is the

[51:45] problem rather than the inexorable uh progression of time curse of fame she'd still be alive today

[51:50] if it wasn't for fame.

[51:51] It always gets you in the end.

[51:52] It hit 105

[51:52] if it wasn't just for that fame

[51:54] that she had.

[51:54] Yeah, exactly.

[51:55] Well, here's the thing

[51:56] is that she was actually

[51:57] on a plane flight

[51:58] that was supposed to crash,

[51:59] but she escaped

[52:00] and death has been trying to,

[52:01] Tony Todd has been trying

[52:02] to track her down

[52:02] ever since then

[52:04] and it's been 80 years

[52:05] and he finally got her.

[52:06] I think we're going

[52:07] in a less sensitive direction

[52:09] suddenly.

[52:09] So anyway,

[52:10] Sandra Bernhardt walks in.

[52:13] She outbids her partner

[52:15] for no reason.

[52:16] They waggle their tongues

[52:17] at each other.

[52:17] Instantly I was like,

[52:18] I love these characters.

[52:20] And the guard

[52:22] With one dollar

[52:22] Which I don't think

[52:23] I don't think you can sort of

[52:25] I think with one million dollars

[52:26] I think it was a hundred and one million

[52:28] Oh okay

[52:28] Yeah

[52:28] I mean you could still say

[52:29] I was like what

[52:30] I thought they were doing

[52:30] A price is right thing

[52:32] Yeah a hundred million and one

[52:36] It's like a hundred million and one

[52:37] And fifty cents

[52:38] And the auctioneer is like

[52:39] Please can we

[52:40] I know we're starting

[52:40] At a hundred million

[52:41] This is already more

[52:42] Than the item was listed as

[52:44] But still

[52:45] Let's not get caught

[52:47] In the weeds here

[52:48] So the guard notices Eddie

[52:49] but andy mcdowell trips him the auctioneer's gavel then explodes as he hits it on the ground

[52:54] causing chaos eddie manages to save andy mcdowell from a falling pillar and then gets hit by a

[52:59] statue that swings on a wire i guess it was suspended in the air above the room for some

[53:04] reason probably swinging from a star yeah probably it was swinging from a star and then it made the

[53:08] wrong choice and became a horse uh so he wakes up in an ambulance and now we'll get to the andy

[53:13] mcdowell character later what i also learned was that isabella rossellini was supposed to play this

[53:16] part which also makes it makes a ton more sense seeing as she is supposed to be italian so uh

[53:22] he wakes up in an ambulance with the mario brothers mobsters he manages to slam a whole

[53:28] thing full of hypodermic needles into the dumb brother's face which for some reason causes the

[53:33] driver of the ambulance to lose control i couldn't quite understand why that happened he grabbed his

[53:38] gun and started firing that's when he lost control oh that's what it was uh eddie escapes on a gurney

[53:44] right onto the Brooklyn Bridge

[53:45] and we lead to my,

[53:47] I think actually my favorite moment

[53:49] of the movie

[53:49] when a woman in a convertible

[53:50] is driving by him

[53:52] on the side of the Brooklyn Bridge

[53:52] and she just goes,

[53:53] hey, are you going to die?

[53:54] I love that.

[53:56] And I don't remember

[53:57] if he has a quip or not,

[53:58] but I love that moment.

[53:59] It's just like, yes,

[54:00] this is a movie

[54:01] where the bystander is,

[54:02] if anything, mildly entertained.

[54:04] This man might die next to her.

[54:05] And he like,

[54:07] somebody throws a cigarette

[54:08] out their window

[54:09] and he catches it and smokes it.

[54:11] And then he like,

[54:12] he has to throw change

[54:13] through the toll booth

[54:14] because he accidentally

[54:15] goes in the exact

[54:16] that was a really good joke

[54:19] I gotta give it to Hudson

[54:20] he's on this runaway journey

[54:22] headed toward the toll booth

[54:24] and he has to pick

[54:25] like change out of his pocket

[54:26] and hurl it

[54:27] so he doesn't get knocked off

[54:29] yeah ruined only by the fact

[54:30] that there is no toll booth there

[54:32] they somehow ended up

[54:33] on the

[54:33] going into the

[54:34] I think the battery tunnel

[54:35] from the Brooklyn Bridge

[54:37] but anyway

[54:37] he just keeps quipping

[54:39] the whole time

[54:40] finally his gurney stops

[54:41] at the exact place

[54:43] were a group of CIA agents.

[54:44] That's right, David Caruso and his gang

[54:46] are waiting for him.

[54:47] They're all named after candy bars.

[54:49] David Caruso is named Kit Kat because he's mute,

[54:52] don't know how they're connected.

[54:53] The big guy is named Butterfingers

[54:55] because he's clumsy even though he's strong.

[54:57] How he became a CIA agent is amazing

[54:59] because he's so dumb and constantly messing things up.

[55:02] And there's two other CIA agents also.

[55:04] They also seem like they really need to take a lot of time

[55:07] explaining that they're named after candy bars.

[55:09] I mean, especially considering that we all saw them

[55:11] with candy bars in their pockets

[55:13] because they're so on brand earlier in the movie.

[55:17] Kit Kat manages to have pre-printed dialogue cards

[55:20] he hands to people that exactly fit the situation

[55:23] that they're in at the moment.

[55:23] It's a joke that should work, but it never,

[55:25] until the last one, I feel like it never quite works.

[55:28] Who walks out?

[55:30] That's right, it's their boss, James Coburn,

[55:32] who introduces himself as George Kaplan.

[55:34] That's a little nod for the movie fans out there,

[55:37] since George Kaplan is Dan.

[55:40] He is the made-up spy in North by Northwest.

[55:44] You got it.

[55:45] The one that people think Cary Grant is.

[55:46] And it's like this movie is saying, hey, we're the heirs to that kind of filmmaking.

[55:50] And I'm like, I don't remember a Cary Grant knocking two guards' heads together and making a bonk sound.

[55:54] Okay, sure, whatever.

[55:56] When he was hanging off Mount Rushmore, I don't remember him being like, hey, should we sing?

[56:01] Is this a good time to sing Me and My Shadow?

[56:04] I don't think so.

[56:05] Elliot, be honest.

[56:07] North by Northwest with a coconut bonk.

[56:09] Better or worse?

[56:10] I think it's a lateral move, Dan.

[56:12] I got to tell you.

[56:13] I think it doesn't ruin what is a near perfect adventure movie.

[56:17] But I don't think it improves it, you know.

[56:19] So they knock him out.

[56:25] And then he falls into a crate of packing peanuts.

[56:27] He then is taken out of the crate.

[56:29] He wakes up in an empty house in Rome.

[56:31] And it's like this character is in the classic film noir tradition is constantly getting knocked out and waking up places.

[56:38] And it's almost like the movie forgot they did it already

[56:40] because they keep having that happen to them.

[56:42] The killer butler is there.

[56:44] He takes him into Mayflower's high-tech limo.

[56:46] It's so high-tech that he has like

[56:48] some kind of ticker tape message fax machine

[56:51] that he then can stuff into a shredder

[56:53] and the shredder just shoots the shreds out

[56:55] into the streets of Rome.

[56:56] It's like, where can I get that car?

[56:58] Guys, did they ever make that?

[57:00] Is it real?

[57:00] Roman, you strike me as a real gearhead.

[57:02] Is that a real car?

[57:03] Not as far as I know.

[57:05] I have no idea.

[57:06] But the shredding is like, is glorious.

[57:08] That's just, it's perfect supervillain, you know, like, and he even says, I'm the villain.

[57:13] Like, it just looks so great.

[57:14] He's so, he's so aware of what he's doing.

[57:17] Now, the moment they showed up in Rome, again, you're 15 years old or so, you're watching

[57:22] this movie.

[57:22] Were you like, finally, a movie that speaks to me?

[57:25] I don't know.

[57:28] I mean, I feel like I was totally confounded by it when it, when it happened.

[57:31] So at this point it was, I think it bludgeoned me into just like accepting what was going

[57:35] happen next at this point okay and by this point you're like i've seen what this movie has to offer

[57:40] me no i don't think you have unfortunately because uh they go to what i guess is like uh the mayflowers

[57:48] office or conference room but it's very clearly the lobby of a large building that they've made

[57:52] look like an office or conference room right where he's meeting with his board which includes like a

[57:56] kid i think like it's there's like a wes anderson-esque touch to who isn't on the at the

[58:01] board of this of this corporation uh cinderella is sitting in the middle of the table kind of

[58:06] barking out the lyrics to i've got the power on her walkman we never actually hear the song but

[58:11] she's just kind of saying it out loud and also her dog uh bunny is there right who is a little

[58:17] dog who's always chasing after his ball ball uh which in a hilarious mix-up uh he gets what lodged

[58:24] under bruce willis's testicles while he's handcuffed to a chair or something and he's just

[58:28] The dog is just sniffing around in his crotch.

[58:30] It's a real Benini-style humor moment for a moment.

[58:32] Yeah, and the joke is that Bruce Willis, instead of being concerned, actually is enjoying it, right?

[58:37] Yeah, yeah.

[58:39] Actually, you know what it is?

[58:39] It's the trailer.

[58:40] So before I had ever seen any Sacha Baron Cohen stuff, I was visiting my college girlfriend who was studying in England.

[58:46] And we went to see a movie, and they showed the trailer for a Dolly G movie beforehand.

[58:50] And I was not aware of this character.

[58:51] I had seen the bus ads all over London.

[58:53] Every bus had an ad where he was just pointing guns at the person looking.

[58:57] i had no idea who this character was didn't know and the entirety of the trailer was him

[59:01] think waking up thinking a woman was filleting him but it was actually his dog and then realizing he

[59:05] was enjoying it and going back to sleep and i was like don't care for it not my kind of material

[59:10] thank you so this is what that was like it puts down the newspaper he's reading

[59:15] and then uh bruce willis uh then has one of my favorite lines in the movie he goes i guess i

[59:23] guess we see who wears the penis in the family which is such a dumb quip that i was like oh

[59:27] All right, I'll give you points for it.

[59:28] That's a dumb quote.

[59:29] Also, I read, I think it was a New York Magazine article about the making of this movie.

[59:37] And apparently, Bruce Willis wanted to say something more along the lines of like, I guess who has the dick?

[59:44] We know who has the dick or something like that.

[59:46] And he kept doing it.

[59:48] And they're like, okay, could we try one where you say, I guess we see who wears the penis in the family?

[59:55] Because, like, at least that's not a good joke, but it's a play on a phrase rather than, like, what the other thing would be.

[1:00:01] And he did it literally one time after they did, like, 12 takes and they, like, used the one where he actually said the line.

[1:00:07] Because that's what's Bruce Willis.

[1:00:09] So that's Bruce Willis for you.

[1:00:10] That's what's called a one-er, which is the single perfect take that comes after 12 bad takes.

[1:00:15] Roman, I want you to know we usually don't do this much research before episodes.

[1:00:19] And I think we were intimidated that you were coming on.

[1:00:21] And so we actually wanted to know something about this movie.

[1:00:25] The Mayflowers, oh yeah, we put real work into this,

[1:00:28] which you wouldn't know from the,

[1:00:29] when you first joined us on the Skype call

[1:00:31] and we had no idea what we were doing

[1:00:32] and we're making it up as we went along.

[1:00:33] So the Mayflowers want world domination.

[1:00:36] They threaten him.

[1:00:37] But they're like, world domination is based on chaos, right?

[1:00:41] They want to throw the world into chaos

[1:00:42] because they've already made so much money.

[1:00:45] There's no challenge in that anymore.

[1:00:47] And I feel like in 1991,

[1:00:49] no villain is scarier than one

[1:00:52] that wants to upset the capitalist order.

[1:00:55] Oh yeah, well, because that was at a time when it was,

[1:00:57] it was still a time when every kid's movie

[1:00:59] was about the loss of control of a corporation

[1:01:01] or whether a businessman

[1:01:02] was going to be able to find his soul.

[1:01:04] So people just took it for granted back then

[1:01:06] that capitalism rocked and, you know,

[1:01:09] that capitalism rules and human empathy rules.

[1:01:11] That's just the way they felt back then.

[1:01:13] So they're like,

[1:01:14] if you don't go and steal this Da Vinci Codex

[1:01:16] from the Vatican,

[1:01:17] we're going to throw your friend Tommy,

[1:01:19] Danny Aiello, in jail.

[1:01:21] And he's like, Danny, he would never be able to survive it.

[1:01:23] He's too old now.

[1:01:24] So Eddie goes to the Vatican.

[1:01:26] He cases the joint.

[1:01:27] He uses a bratty kid's stuffed animal.

[1:01:30] She's literally just slamming a stuffed animal into a banister.

[1:01:33] And you'd think the Swiss guard would take her down almost instantly.

[1:01:36] Like the Vatican seems like a pretty heavily guarded place in real life.

[1:01:39] But instead, there's just three goofy guards just like the auction house in America.

[1:01:43] And, yes, are they eating spaghetti while they're watching the cameras?

[1:01:46] Yes, of course they're eating spaghetti because it's Rome.

[1:01:50] Can I ask you something, you guys, about this young girl with the stuffed animal?

[1:01:57] I looked that actress up.

[1:02:00] She was 12 when she made this, but to me she looked about 30.

[1:02:07] Did you guys have this issue at all?

[1:02:10] I didn't, but you know what?

[1:02:11] People back then dressed older.

[1:02:13] If you watch Seinfeld now, the characters are supposed to be younger than me,

[1:02:18] but they dress like my grandparents.

[1:02:20] And I think people now dress young.

[1:02:22] Like, you can go to work as a middle-aged man like me, let's say, wearing a T-shirt and jeans.

[1:02:27] But back then, like, people dressed older than they were.

[1:02:29] Not as much as in the 50s when teenagers wore suits, but, you know, slightly older.

[1:02:34] Well, speaking of dressing older.

[1:02:35] Stu was covering.

[1:02:35] Go ahead.

[1:02:36] No, I was just saying, Stu was covering his face and his hands.

[1:02:39] And I'm not quite sure why he was so dismayed by my question.

[1:02:43] But it was just, it was weird to me because I was like, why is that old person pretending to be a child?

[1:02:50] Like, why did they cast that old person?

[1:02:53] Like, is this the producer of the movie who, like, wanted a weird cameo?

[1:02:57] Like, what's going on?

[1:02:58] I think Stuart did some more research and knows that that girl actually had Jack's disease.

[1:03:01] Oh, no.

[1:03:02] And, you know, even though she was 12, she was physically 48.

[1:03:05] Like, I don't want to tell you guys.

[1:03:07] Robin Williams in the hit film, Jack.

[1:03:09] I apologize.

[1:03:10] Speaking of dressing older, I mean, this is where you really start to notice Bruce Willis's penchant for high-waisted pants in this scene.

[1:03:17] Like he has a blue t-shirt tucked into.

[1:03:22] He looks like he's dressed like a six-year-old mafia boss in this scene.

[1:03:27] And you realize, oh, yeah, he always wore high-waisted pants.

[1:03:29] It's just because he had a black t-shirt on.

[1:03:31] He didn't quite notice it as much.

[1:03:32] The wardrobe is just fantastic in this movie.

[1:03:37] In fact, so much so that it gets its own credit before the cast and crew are announced at the end of the movie.

[1:03:45] It is really glorious.

[1:03:46] It's funny that you bring up The High Waist of Pants because I feel like that's another connection.

[1:03:52] We mentioned Birds of Prey earlier, and I was kind of thinking about Birds of Prey when I was watching this movie

[1:03:57] because Birds of Prey feels like it has a connection to that, like, 90s, like, glitter bomb action comedy thing.

[1:04:05] And yet, that movie also features Chris Messina wearing high-waisted pants as Zaz.

[1:04:11] And I remember watching that movie and being like, could I pull those off?

[1:04:16] The answer is no.

[1:04:16] But I thought about it.

[1:04:18] And also, a hawk is a bird of prey.

[1:04:21] Stuart, put it all up on your connections board.

[1:04:23] Hudson Hawk, Pokemon, birds of prey.

[1:04:24] They're all related.

[1:04:25] It's all connected to your cell phone.

[1:04:27] I mean, have you checked the presence of reindeer goat cheese inside birds of prey?

[1:04:34] I have not seen it, but if you do, then it seals it.

[1:04:37] It's all connected.

[1:04:38] All part of the Ranger-Gochi cinematic universe.

[1:04:41] We talked about the fact that along with this being co-written by the person who wrote Heathers,

[1:04:49] the director did Heathers, one of my favorite movies,

[1:04:53] but he also directed Stewart's least favorite movie, 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[1:04:58] Now, since Hudson Hawk is clearly one of your favorite movies, Stewart,

[1:05:03] Where does Michael Lehman now rank in your estimation?

[1:05:07] Oh, well, I mean, that's a huge hit.

[1:05:10] I don't know.

[1:05:12] I mean, Stuart, remember my favorite movie,

[1:05:16] The Taken Pelham on 2-3, was directed by Joseph Sargent,

[1:05:18] who also directed Jaws 4, The Revenge.

[1:05:19] So it's okay to like a movie by someone who made a bad film.

[1:05:23] It's 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[1:05:24] That's the Josh Hartnett one.

[1:05:26] Yeah.

[1:05:27] And I've heard you talk about it.

[1:05:29] But does that take place in San Francisco?

[1:05:33] I think it, I mean, it takes place at like a tech company, so I can only assume.

[1:05:36] Because I was living in Petro Hill in San Francisco, and I think that was the movie that they shut down my street to film.

[1:05:44] Oh, man.

[1:05:46] And then even, maybe even paid it.

[1:05:47] I could have put a stomp to that movie for you, Stuart.

[1:05:49] I'm so sorry.

[1:05:50] I'm radicalizing Roman against that movie as well.

[1:05:54] That reminds me of the day I couldn't walk down a street in New York because they were shooting Little Nicky, starring Adam Sandler.

[1:06:03] as luckily the final product made it all worth it right luckily when i finally saw the movie i was

[1:06:09] like that was worth inconveniencing me a little bit uh okay so andy mcdowell is also there she's

[1:06:14] leading a tour of the vatican which at this point is we gotta be like what is her job she is like an

[1:06:20] art authenticator and she leads towards the vatican eddie uses that stuffed animal from that middle

[1:06:24] aged little girl and sets off the security things which involves like these like uh telescoping

[1:06:30] gates that close around this codex uh and and in the and some gas gets sprayed out scary like they

[1:06:36] look very slowly right yes and also they look like you could just kind of snap them all uh yeah they

[1:06:42] kind of look like uh the crystals in uh the fortress of solitude almost yeah very snappable

[1:06:48] yeah uh andy mcdowell takes eddie into the vatican's secret postal subway tunnels which

[1:06:54] could be a real thing i don't know it's not that out of the question you know they do have a subway

[1:06:58] in vatican city but the one that they uh the one that they show is the mail rail in london actually

[1:07:05] oh okay um i guess they didn't get permission from the vatican to shoot well i think the one

[1:07:12] in the vatican is actually like a normal like it's a it's a it's it's actually the world's

[1:07:17] shortest subway apparently it's like oh it's a real like less than a mile but that's not what

[1:07:20] they're showing there that's actually a passenger railway like the the smaller gauge mail railway

[1:07:25] is a thing from London

[1:07:27] and I think that's what

[1:07:28] they're showing in that scene.

[1:07:29] They agree to have dinner that night.

[1:07:32] Andy McDowell seems to find

[1:07:34] Bruce Willis irresistible

[1:07:35] even though he is smug and gross

[1:07:38] and she just saw him

[1:07:39] try to rob something.

[1:07:40] They're going to have dinner that night

[1:07:42] and that's when we learn

[1:07:43] she's a secret agent for the Vatican.

[1:07:46] I mean, Eddie doesn't know that yet,

[1:07:47] but we know.

[1:07:48] And she's a secret agent.

[1:07:49] She reports that he's planning

[1:07:50] to rob the place to her boss,

[1:07:52] who is a cardinal.

[1:07:53] This is, again, one of those moments

[1:07:54] where when I found it,

[1:07:55] was supposed to be isabella rosalina i was like uh this again makes so much more sense so much

[1:07:59] better with her yeah i totally see her as a secret agent fine but it totally would it would it would

[1:08:04] have made much more sense that way i mean i'm gonna i'm gonna be honest annie mcdowell i think

[1:08:07] is my third favorite performer in the movie because she really sells it especially at the

[1:08:12] end when she is faking being a uh being out of her mind her i think that's what i was gonna say

[1:08:17] madcap energy like her sort of sitcom madcap energy and everything like that is totally solid

[1:08:21] like there's nothing wrong with it it just would have made the tone of it would have made more sense

[1:08:24] with an absurdist isabella rossolini performance i think yeah yeah other than sex lies and videotape

[1:08:31] i i'm not like a big fan of early andy mcdowell like i think she's become a very good uh sort of

[1:08:37] character actor lately i liked her in uh ready or not recently but um but like you know i mean i

[1:08:44] think she in groundhog day for me the best you can say about the movie is like she does not make it

[1:08:49] bad and i didn't like her in four weddings and a funeral that much but here like yeah the i thought

[1:08:54] she was very funny

[1:08:55] in a lot of it

[1:08:56] she's good in a movie

[1:08:59] called Shadrach

[1:08:59] that came out years ago

[1:09:01] but the

[1:09:02] see right after

[1:09:03] I watched this

[1:09:03] I actually ended up

[1:09:04] watching Ready or Not

[1:09:05] and it was like

[1:09:06] Annie McDowell

[1:09:07] then and now

[1:09:08] I like it

[1:09:09] when I get to see

[1:09:09] an actor at different

[1:09:10] points in their career

[1:09:11] one after another

[1:09:12] that's the power of movies

[1:09:13] but now I've got to

[1:09:14] wait like another

[1:09:14] 20 years

[1:09:15] until I can have

[1:09:16] that effect again

[1:09:16] when I watch Ready or Not

[1:09:17] and then

[1:09:18] like the remake of

[1:09:20] Cocoon

[1:09:20] that she's in

[1:09:21] you know

[1:09:21] Ready or Not

[1:09:22] the next generation

[1:09:23] yeah when they

[1:09:24] She's bringing her back as a cameo.

[1:09:25] Yeah, still ready.

[1:09:26] And she comes back, I guess, as like a ghost.

[1:09:28] I don't know.

[1:09:28] Anyway, Eddie tries to call Danny Aiello, but he can't get him on the phone.

[1:09:32] Why is that?

[1:09:33] Because, as we see in the background behind Eddie, Danny Aiello's in Rome already, just

[1:09:38] getting into a fancy car.

[1:09:39] And the CIA is like, Eddie, you've got to rob the Vatican tonight.

[1:09:42] You've got to do it.

[1:09:43] There's a little bit of comedic violence.

[1:09:45] And anyway, let's get to the robbery, shall we?

[1:09:47] Eddie mails himself to the Vatican using his cat burglar tricks, which essentially is putting

[1:09:51] himself in a box and mailing it to the vatican and getting on that train and then just popping

[1:09:56] his hat out of the crate while he's on that train it's a shot that i actually really love where he's

[1:10:00] he's got this wild-eyed look on his face while he's he's on this train uh the italian guards

[1:10:05] again just as bad as the american guards eddie steals the codex with a fishing hook as we

[1:10:09] mentioned that would almost certainly destroy this 500 year old manuscript to be flung through

[1:10:14] the air on a fishing hook but maybe they had it rebound recently or maybe i don't know it's i mean

[1:10:20] old paper is stronger than new paper yeah they laminated the whole thing uh it's on real lambskin

[1:10:25] it's not on that newsprint that they use for for uh for books now uh he narrowly escapes getting

[1:10:30] caught jumps off a what like a double-decker bus or something and lands in the chair at the table

[1:10:35] where andy mcdowell is sitting and that was the moment in the movie where i was like that worked

[1:10:39] for me like to have him go on this madcap chase and end up exactly where he was supposed to be

[1:10:43] i'm like all right movie now i get what you're doing and i'm gonna force myself to be on board

[1:10:48] uh the cia agents are at another table which bothered me uh bruce willis asked for pasta

[1:10:56] in impeccable italian then asked for ketchup too i don't know it like it doesn't i think just to

[1:11:00] piss off the waiter it doesn't track at all i don't know why yeah and there's no payoff like

[1:11:05] i was expecting him to use the pot totally it seemed like a thing that was going to have a

[1:11:09] payoff and like they were going to use the bottle to do something like thwart the cia agents in the

[1:11:13] next table but i mean i wonder if there's a scene where they do that where but it feels like

[1:11:18] something that it feels like half of a joke like legitimately yeah there's a number of things in

[1:11:23] the movie that do feel like half a joke where it's like does he save that ketchup and then use it as

[1:11:27] fake blood when uh they fake him killing danny aiello later don't spoiler alert sue we're not

[1:11:34] up to it but yes probably they do use it but that isn't no it's such a tenuous connection that you

[1:11:38] can never sort of connect it between that moment and the next is that actually what happens they

[1:11:43] do say it he says ketchup like danny aiello says something about the ketchup on his chest

[1:11:47] but it's right and there's nowhere else they could have gotten ketchup in between

[1:11:51] it's not only is there nowhere else he could have gotten ketchup but he doesn't know at that moment

[1:11:56] that danny aiello is in the city the idea that he's planning to fake someone's death at some point

[1:12:00] it's like what happens in uh in uh when when christopher priest was writing the black panther

[1:12:06] comic book and black panther always had these amazing schemes that he would out scheme other

[1:12:10] people and it got to the point where it was like okay so do you just know everything that everyone's

[1:12:15] gonna do 15 moves ahead because there's no way you could have planned for that or in um in uh

[1:12:19] what's the which is the bond movie with javier bardem is that quantum of solace or is it uh

[1:12:25] no skyfall the moment skyfall when they're in the sewers and that subway train comes through

[1:12:32] and blocks James Bond.

[1:12:33] And it's like, so did you cloud everything

[1:12:35] around the subway schedule?

[1:12:37] Because you're acting like that was not a lucky break.

[1:12:39] Like you're acting like that was part of the plan,

[1:12:41] but it's unbelievable.

[1:12:43] Oh, oh, oh, oh, unbelievable.

[1:12:46] Jordan, just put in that sound hit, please,

[1:12:48] from EMF's Unbelievable.

[1:12:50] Yeah, we wanted to pay EMF some licensing, right?

[1:12:53] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1:12:54] So let's, I mean, just the other day, Dan,

[1:12:56] you were like, what can we do for EMF in this hard time?

[1:12:58] I know they're probably hurting.

[1:13:00] I mean, things are so unbelievable right now that nobody is listening to that song.

[1:13:03] Yeah, well, they can't tour.

[1:13:05] I mean, no one can tour right now.

[1:13:07] Because they only have the one song.

[1:13:08] What, are they going to perform it once and then get off the stage,

[1:13:10] come back to the same song as an encore, and then leave?

[1:13:13] No one's paying Ticketmaster or Live Nation subcharges for that.

[1:13:18] You know, it's impossible.

[1:13:19] So I guess what I'm saying is this Max Fund Drive, please reach out to EMF.

[1:13:23] See what you can do for them.

[1:13:26] So, Annie McDowell is giving Eddie a massage at her apartment, learns that he was in prison, explains his nickname, which is that the wind that comes off the Hudson is called the Hawk, because it's so cold, I guess.

[1:13:40] And so, he was given the name Hudson Hawk, what, because he's a cool customer?

[1:13:43] It's not super clear.

[1:13:44] Yeah.

[1:13:45] That's also a Chicago story.

[1:13:46] That's not, the Hudson isn't notorious for its coldness, but Lake Michigan is.

[1:13:51] that the winds

[1:13:52] coming off the Hudson

[1:13:53] can be cold sometimes

[1:13:55] but you're right

[1:13:56] it's not as cold

[1:13:56] as Chicago winds

[1:13:57] but that's why

[1:13:58] they call New York

[1:13:59] the Windy City

[1:14:00] so she's like

[1:14:01] oh I like it

[1:14:02] that you were in jail

[1:14:03] she takes

[1:14:04] she goes back

[1:14:05] oh so this is before

[1:14:06] they go back to her place

[1:14:07] she's giving a massage

[1:14:07] they start making out

[1:14:09] when she gets a signal

[1:14:09] from her boss

[1:14:10] through the form

[1:14:11] of a crucifix on her wall

[1:14:12] that lights up

[1:14:13] and then just has voices

[1:14:14] coming out of it

[1:14:15] which is a hilariously

[1:14:17] not subtle way

[1:14:18] for a secret agent

[1:14:19] to get a message

[1:14:20] Maybe while they're entertaining someone in their apartment

[1:14:23] Who doesn't know that they're a secret agent

[1:14:24] It seems like there's no way to turn it off or anything

[1:14:26] And she sees the codex in his bag

[1:14:29] And she's like wait you did rob the Vatican tonight

[1:14:31] Don't know why she's surprised

[1:14:32] Meanwhile this is the weirdest joke

[1:14:35] In the movie and I could not understand it

[1:14:36] The CIA agents are outside on a stakeout

[1:14:39] Watching and one goes hey what's happening

[1:14:41] Up there and Butterfinger the big dumb one goes

[1:14:43] Want me to rape them and I was like what

[1:14:45] Did I hear that right

[1:14:47] But the subtitle said it too and it was one of the

[1:14:49] It was just like another 1991 joke where I'm like, this is not a joke that would fly at any other point in history maybe except at a time when like it was – I don't know.

[1:14:59] It was okay to be a douche.

[1:15:00] Like I don't understand.

[1:15:01] Dan, explain it.

[1:15:02] You love jokes about sensitive subjects.

[1:15:04] I'm sorry.

[1:15:05] I was busy looking up EMF on Wikipedia just to make sure that like there were a thing we could like – a cause we could support and that there was no big tragedy we're being insensitive to.

[1:15:19] Okay.

[1:15:19] one of their bases did pass away from a drug uh overdose but when was that but

[1:15:26] uh let's see here it's uh it was during the third or the second reunion uh i mean wait it boggles

[1:15:35] my mind they've broken up and reunited three times apparently but this isn't something that

[1:15:40] happened like a couple months ago no no no no no also they um did a lot of uh relief work for

[1:15:48] aids so i think it's i think it's good for us to support emf that's all cool thank you i mean dan

[1:15:54] you know i wasn't really suggesting that people like send emf money what i hate to i appreciate

[1:16:00] that you did our due diligence on this one but yeah but i'm glad you realized i'm glad you

[1:16:05] ascertained that emf falls in that meaty middle of things that are neither too good nor too bad

[1:16:10] for us to make fun of so but the joke that you just mentioned there's a couple other jokes earlier

[1:16:15] in the movie uh that are i think and later in the movie they're kind of insensitive and i think it

[1:16:20] just it speaks to a time where the entire like editorial board was just a bunch of white guys

[1:16:26] being like doesn't offend me that's fine yeah yeah there's uh there's a moment early in the film

[1:16:32] where it's like uh one of the guards is is making a joke at the expense of a chinese person oh i

[1:16:39] forgot about that yeah that's and it's like it's like you're like oh this is bad and then they do

[1:16:43] one of those asian music yeah that was like okay come on movie i should have made a note about that

[1:16:49] that was that was bad that's the uh the it's like i was explaining gremlins 2 to sammy the other day

[1:16:55] and i got to the part about the the asian tourists with the camera and i was like uh can i remove that

[1:17:01] from the movie there was a time in history when it was hilarious that well it's one of those they

[1:17:06] liked cameras it's one of those stereotypes i've never really understood i guess because i was a

[1:17:10] kid at the time but i'm like what what like what kind of stereotype is well you know those types

[1:17:15] of people they love visiting other places and bringing home memories with them let's make fun

[1:17:19] of that they love they love to expand their horizons by travel and they love to remember

[1:17:23] the moment in a photo that's hilarious i think i think it was exactly that elliot that like that

[1:17:28] was the first time kind of in uh history that there was an influx of more asian tourists to

[1:17:34] america and just the simple fact that they took cameras around which any human would do on their

[1:17:40] vacation that became a stereotype it's very it's a it's sometimes there's stereotypes that i just

[1:17:46] i just they're i guess they're rooted in that in that one moment of history anyway so i guess what

[1:17:50] i'm saying is guys i can no longer wholeheartedly endorse gremlins 2 i can only endorse every other

[1:17:56] thing about that movie except for that one character uh so uh anyway uh she mcdowell any

[1:18:01] mcdowell drugs eddie tells the cia that she wants to see caplan because everybody is working together

[1:18:06] I don't know why she acts surprised that he committed the robbery, even though everyone in Rome seems to be working together and knows that Eddie is committing this robbery.

[1:18:14] And they go, oh, no.

[1:18:16] And James Coburn's like, it's a sting operation.

[1:18:19] We're going to catch the Mayflowers.

[1:18:21] And he goes, okay, now we've got to get you back to Rome.

[1:18:24] But don't worry.

[1:18:24] We have a body double.

[1:18:25] And David Crusoe is wearing the same dress as Andy McDowell and a wig for no reason.

[1:18:29] Again, this is like the first half of a joke, and it's never paid off.

[1:18:32] there's no like like there's no reason she needs a body double no we're never seeing a situation

[1:18:37] where like he could he can uh convince someone he's hurt it doesn't make sense ada mcdowell

[1:18:42] talks to her boss in confessional uh and we find out she's not just a secret agent she's a nun

[1:18:48] that's right she's a battle nun or a warrior nun whatever that independent comic from years ago

[1:18:53] was it's now a netflix tv show really it is yeah yeah it just it just launched like a week or two

[1:18:58] ago it's crazy oh i didn't know about that that was one of those things i would see in the back

[1:19:02] of the previews catalog and i'd be like i don't know that i'll ever find out what this really is

[1:19:06] uh the vatican wants to keep the gold machine from wrecking the world economy because i mean

[1:19:11] it makes sense the vatican owns a lot of gold uh but if there's anything that uh the teachings of

[1:19:17] jesus tell us it is that it's very important to have a functioning global economy based on

[1:19:22] precious metals and that that he's i remember he says i think at one point uh to peter he said you

[1:19:28] will be the rock on which my church is built and through which we will regulate capitalism to

[1:19:32] ensure that people can still make loads of money through the accumulation of commodities and peter

[1:19:37] was like let me get all this down this is a big job hold on a second uh so the mayflowers they're

[1:19:44] mad at hudson hawk uh i don't remember why they get the last gold machine bits uh from the codex

[1:19:50] right it's like every da vinci thing he steals they have to break to get the machine parts that

[1:19:54] inside of it uh and minerva kills her henchmen uh kind of as a joke uh hudson hawk steals something

[1:20:01] uh that i don't remember seeing later on we find out what it is i guess and the next couple of

[1:20:07] minutes are just everyone taking turns overacting hysterically largely we're like hudson hawk gets

[1:20:12] out of his handcuffs and starts dancing with minerva and just shouting at them while they

[1:20:16] stand there watching him and then he stops and watches as richard e grant overacts and just

[1:20:20] flops around for a while it's the scene makes no sense it's like the worst improv exercise i've

[1:20:25] ever seen and they were just like keep it in the movie whatever okay uh the uh and so the mate

[1:20:31] flowers as i say my notes they explain their plan to make gold and undermine the world so they can

[1:20:35] dot dot dot question mark uh it's never really clear what the end game is uh and now he's got

[1:20:41] to go rob the louvre to get a model of da vinci's helicopter flying machine and he's like how much

[1:20:47] globetrotting robbery am i gonna have to do that's when he's like i don't want to do this anymore and

[1:20:51] they say take it up with our partner it's danny aiello that's right he set hawk up somehow not

[1:20:58] sure how he did it not sure what they needed him for it's not clear he's played no except i guess

[1:21:03] in doing the first robbery with him it's unclear what he has to do with any of it they fight he

[1:21:08] seems to get shot during the fight and they're both taken away in an ambulance hey guess what

[1:21:12] guys as stewart said it was a fake fight the oldest gag in the books the old pretend to fight

[1:21:17] with your partner so that you can knock over the guy holding a gun on you uh and eddie is like look

[1:21:21] at this i stole part of the gold machine and they're like you did it we saved the day well

[1:21:26] but also here's what i don't understand because like it was a genuine uh betrayal eddie just

[1:21:34] forgives him for it because uh danny aiello was like no no no this is wrong i shouldn't have done

[1:21:40] this like like he like here's my guess changes at the so off camera who's a super charming guy and

[1:21:47] i miss him every day here's my guess baffled by when they set up this fake uh death scheme

[1:21:53] they were fighting and bruce willis is mad danny aiello started singing like i only have eyes for

[1:22:00] you or something and bruce willis sang along with him or like uh fly me to the moon that's what it

[1:22:05] would have been saying fly me to the moon they joined the duet and then and then bruce goes hey

[1:22:08] plan 49b and i all goes yeah 49b and that's all they know because they got their crook shorthand

[1:22:15] and they that they know that's the fake of fight so that i can pretend to be shot so that the

[1:22:19] vatican ambulance can take me away plan because that's just how good they are dan that's just

[1:22:24] okay i mean i guess i'm the idiot but i mean i wouldn't say idiot i would say moron but you know

[1:22:29] that's fair okay we like to keep it to medical terms here yeah yeah yeah thank you uh they're

[1:22:35] celebrating at andy mcdowell's apartment eddie tries to get andy mcdowell to sleep with him

[1:22:40] even though her bed is just behind like a thin see-through scrim so i guess like danny aiello

[1:22:44] would just watch the whole time or just like stay really focused on the tv and pretend his friend

[1:22:49] was not having sex feet away from him or maybe they're just the kinds of friends like in wolf

[1:22:53] of wall street who have sex in front of each other i don't know that never gets answered

[1:22:57] because andy mcdowell makes them sleep on the couch uh the next morning the cia shows up wakes

[1:23:03] them up, injects them with a poison that

[1:23:04] paralyzes them from the necks down

[1:23:06] so that they can...

[1:23:08] You would think that this scene

[1:23:10] would hamper their ability

[1:23:12] to overact, but

[1:23:14] no, no, no.

[1:23:15] They do the most neck and face acting

[1:23:19] you can imagine.

[1:23:19] All of the energies, all the

[1:23:22] chi from the rest of their body is

[1:23:24] channeled up into their face.

[1:23:26] Not since the head-shaking

[1:23:28] demons from Jacob's Ladder has there been

[1:23:30] such head and neck overacting

[1:23:32] motion in a movie uh uh james coburn is there he's like hey you don't have to rob the louvre

[1:23:38] i did i did it instead of you we killed a bunch of guards here's the helicopter model breaks it

[1:23:42] open here's the gold machine piece and it's like hey why did they come here to tell them this it

[1:23:47] seems unnecessary it seems like it can only hurt their plan to get hudson hawk and tommy who are

[1:23:53] about to go home to get them back mixed up in the plot why would you do it i don't know they just

[1:24:00] dropped by to explain to the audience no there won't be a third heist to this movie don't worry

[1:24:04] we got bored of the heist we're not gonna make you do that movie so is this the scene where they

[1:24:09] introduce they introduce a weapon that's like a bazooka that fires these rockets that stick to

[1:24:15] things and have a timer on them and i do love that they introduce this uh this bullshit weapon

[1:24:21] and then it shows up multiple times for the rest of the movie like it's it's very like wolfenstein

[1:24:27] or doom or whatever with well but here's the question ammo yeah just unlimited well that's

[1:24:33] yeah that was my question is where do they get even if they held on to it where do they get the

[1:24:36] probably very unique ammo these suction cup time bomb missiles but also yeah the timer doesn't seem

[1:24:43] to matter that much because they shoot one onto the wall and has a two minute timer then they

[1:24:47] another one accidentally gets shot to a ci agent's forehead and has a two minute timer the forehead

[1:24:51] one goes off first and then the heroes run away and then the other one i guess goes off like it's

[1:24:56] So, yeah, no, it goes down to, yeah, the timer's at zero, and then they're like, hey, maybe we should jump out the window.

[1:25:01] Yeah, all bomb timers give you a little bit of leeway once it hits zero.

[1:25:05] Yeah.

[1:25:05] They call that the margin of error in any explosive.

[1:25:09] The Mayflowers, they kidnap Andy McDowell.

[1:25:12] They want her to decipher Da Vinci's plans so they can build the gold machine.

[1:25:16] That never really matters because they've already built the gold machine.

[1:25:19] But she pretends that she is still babbling gibberish from the drug they injected her with.

[1:25:25] This, I think, was a pretty funny bit for me in that she thinks she's a dolphin and has to talk to other dolphins, and Annie McDowell really gives it her all.

[1:25:31] Eddie and Tony, they use that bazooka that shoots suction cup time bombs to storm Castle Da Vinci where they are.

[1:25:39] Now, I don't believe Castle Da Vinci was ever a real place.

[1:25:41] My understanding was Leonardo da Vinci was always in the employ of different kind of feudal lords and barons because he needed money because he was not part of the landed gentry.

[1:25:50] Guys, prove me wrong.

[1:25:52] Dan, I know you're a Da Vinci scholar.

[1:25:54] Tell me what I'm wrong about that.

[1:25:55] uh no i don't i don't know that but um there was a question that came up uh toward when we were

[1:26:02] watching the movie uh in shays mccoy uh here and um it was was there a war going on at the time

[1:26:11] and i was like ellie would know this because they're like when they're saying we need bronze

[1:26:14] for the war i mean i mean da vinci was constantly building or designing military weapons i guess and

[1:26:20] like there was warfare going on but it wasn't like it wasn't like a you know there was skirmishes

[1:26:25] between different kind of like warring,

[1:26:29] like either city-states or feudal vassals

[1:26:31] and things like that.

[1:26:32] It wasn't like Italy is at war with Germany

[1:26:34] because Italy as a nation did not exist at the time.

[1:26:36] Not until like the late 19th century, basically.

[1:26:39] Oh yeah, I mean, it's possible.

[1:26:41] I mean, it's true that they did not build that horse.

[1:26:44] I don't know if that's the reason why.

[1:26:45] I don't remember.

[1:26:46] But the Le Sforza or whatever it's called,

[1:26:48] that horse he designed,

[1:26:49] which was supposed to be the largest equine statue

[1:26:51] in the world,

[1:26:52] it was not built until modern times.

[1:26:54] so like that part of it is released in real life the model for the horse was destroyed they still

[1:26:59] had his blueprints but they but the model is not real so it was destroyed because there's part of

[1:27:03] his gold making machine in it exactly yes that's that's the truth of that well i wanted to yeah i

[1:27:09] wanted to get to the bottom of the most important thing about this movie hudson hawk's accuracy

[1:27:13] to uh renaissance history as people will know when we finally release that battle angel episode you

[1:27:17] love to know backstory about wars uh tell me more please what i what i love about this movie

[1:27:24] is that the big conclusion takes place at a fucking castle you know as soon as that happens

[1:27:30] i'm like i'm in baby if you're like what did charlie bands produce this come on is uh yeah

[1:27:35] it's like it's just like if looks could kill or i don't know uh other movies that have castles

[1:27:43] and i'm like uh that's the two yeah uh so they storm the castle while singing side by side

[1:27:52] because they but again the song the timing doesn't matter it's not like that they have an intricate

[1:27:56] plan for this other than split up and blow things up as you walk along um yeah but they're they're

[1:28:02] having a ball uh the mayflowers kill they they so kit kat the david crusoe character i guess the

[1:28:08] joke was supposed to be that he's like a master of disguise because he's painted to look like a

[1:28:12] roman statue with a spear for no reason like i don't know who he's fooling because everyone

[1:28:16] knows he's there and they say guard that guard the seat the the the nun spy and he puts a spear

[1:28:22] up to her and they're like actually and they kill him and i was like what was what was the point of

[1:28:26] that whole ruse like why even bother that that first step just go ahead because the mayflowers

[1:28:31] are just killing the cia agents uh meanwhile uh they're the good guys are throwing bombs everywhere

[1:28:38] uh and eddie so this is when eddie ends up in a fight with james coburn who it turns out he still

[1:28:44] knows kung fu from his days as like an hour man flint in like flint uh secret agent and you have

[1:28:51] this is yeah stewart describe what happens here this is the i think the cartooniest part of the

[1:28:55] yeah so they're they're doing a fight on the top of the on the roof of the castle uh and james

[1:29:01] coburn uh is doing a pretty complicated combo with you know he's got his uh he's got his combo

[1:29:08] links down he understands the frame data and he manages to lock hudson hawk in this stun lock

[1:29:13] animation up against the wall basically where he just keeps bending backwards and bending forwards

[1:29:17] over and over so that even after he stops his combo he drops his combo you're like what what

[1:29:22] a loser why did he drop his combo why doesn't he practice those b and b's but uh he's still

[1:29:27] locked in that animation of course doing that makes him bend over to pick up his hat which

[1:29:32] has fallen on the ground and at this point we know hudson hawk loves his fucking cool hat so he bends

[1:29:38] over to grab that hat james coburn goes for a jump and you're like you're gonna do a jump kick right

[1:29:44] now in this point of the match you're just leaving yourself open to a counter-attack like what if he

[1:29:48] sure you can see you or does one of those uh those uh guile kicks so he jumps off the over what over

[1:29:54] the barbican like what's the uh what's that thing called he jumps all the ramparts he jumps over the

[1:30:00] ramparts with his uh with his kick and then of course lands on a car but he's fine he's fine

[1:30:04] so uh thank you sir for putting that to layman's terms that we could all understand that was

[1:30:09] incredibly helpful uh there is one funny moment where james coburn's doing all these spinning

[1:30:13] high kicks and then gets dizzy and i was like that's kind of a funny joke he would get dizzy

[1:30:17] doing that um he lands on top of a car where daniello is fighting richard e grant the car

[1:30:23] is being driven by the butler uh and they i don't remember why for some reason the runaway limo

[1:30:29] explodes uh so and and and anyway you're like okay the movie is over right good the movie is

[1:30:38] over they defeated the bad guys oh au contraire my friend that was the end of act two because the

[1:30:45] mayflowers they capture eddie and anna i don't know how they survived it doesn't make any sense

[1:30:51] uh eddie assembles the gold machine crystals for them don't know how he knows how to do that it's

[1:30:56] something that i guess you were supposed to have to read a little da vinci codex to know how to do

[1:31:00] that but eddie is just a master thief who knows the lengths of all the songs so of course he can

[1:31:04] reconstruct the work of a renaissance master um the bad guys gloat sandra bernhardt they both get

[1:31:09] great speeches great little mini speeches here that i love where richard e grant is like civilization

[1:31:14] art human achievement those are trophies on my desk and uh and richard bernhardt is like everyone

[1:31:20] thinks they're the center of the world there's a traffic problem and you're like why does this

[1:31:25] happened to me it but for us that's not a fantasy for us it is our reality and it's like i love that

[1:31:31] they are just like marvel villains just stating their philosophies outright in the middle of the

[1:31:36] scene uh but it turns out uh-oh roman was any playing fair when he gave them the pieces of

[1:31:41] the gold machine absolutely not because even though we have no idea how he can put this crystal

[1:31:46] together he even knows how to put the crystal together wrong and have it stay together and be

[1:31:52] given to them to blow up the machine yeah i mean it's more likely that he just did it wrong i guess

[1:31:57] but the movie makes it seem like he did it on purpose but i wonder if he if he was like they

[1:32:02] were like hey you messed up the machine on purpose and he's like yeah that's me old eddie hawkins you

[1:32:07] know uh the machine explodes uh mayflower minerva die in the chaos uh mayflower is uh is electrocuted

[1:32:14] minerva i guess she's killed when molten gold or molten lead spatters all over it's not super clear

[1:32:20] uh it's the kind of thing where in a movie like this i could see her coming back just as a half

[1:32:24] lead half flesh creature but it doesn't happen uh like a lady stoneheart kind of person you know

[1:32:30] uh that's exactly what that character's like yeah isn't she made out of stone that's why it's called

[1:32:36] that like like so in the game of thrones books i forget which one of us i think it might be

[1:32:40] she's been using her geomancy too much and it turns her body into stone yeah in volume six

[1:32:45] a pummeling of pasta she falls into a swamp and she's kind of half fossilized like half petrified

[1:32:51] and then claws her way out yeah uh i i i would i would describe uh stewart's grin as tight when uh

[1:33:00] elliot makes fun of the game of thrones uh yeah yeah sorry no no the game of thrones is the first

[1:33:07] one he goes game of thrones uh-huh uh a chat with checkers oh sure that's where they talk to a cat

[1:33:12] named checkers uh a dance with dogs uh kick with the kangaroo and then there's uh llama llama nighty

[1:33:21] night and uh i think um what other what other unfortunate events happen in the series stewart

[1:33:27] like a classy conundrum so he's anger laughing now i've never seen that before and then at some

[1:33:37] point at some point a pigeon wants to drive a bus anyway that's the series so uh they anna tries to

[1:33:42] she's firing guns to try to save Eddie from the butler,

[1:33:45] but she just manages to shoot Eddie in the arm

[1:33:47] and also shoot his belt buckle,

[1:33:49] which of course saves his life, as mentioned earlier.

[1:33:50] Eddie somehow uses the blades coming out of Alfred's wrists

[1:33:54] to chop off Alfred's own head

[1:33:56] in a very Story of Ricky type of moment.

[1:33:58] And the quip,

[1:33:58] he won't be going to the hat convention in July.

[1:34:02] Now, I love that joke, and here's why.

[1:34:06] One, it's based on nothing.

[1:34:08] The character, I think, wears a hat once.

[1:34:12] I think we know that Hudson Hawk loves hats, Elliot.

[1:34:16] The specificity of July makes me think that this is a real event Hudson Hawk is going to

[1:34:21] and thinks everybody else knows about.

[1:34:23] And so they'd be like, ha-ha, yeah, we get it, the hat convention.

[1:34:26] But I wish there was a beat of Andy McDowell being like, is there a hat convention?

[1:34:29] Like, I don't understand.

[1:34:30] It's such a weirdly specific off-base quip.

[1:34:36] Anyway, there's only one way.

[1:34:39] Oh, they also kill Minerva's dog for no reason.

[1:34:42] With what, like a crossbow bolt or something?

[1:34:44] I don't remember.

[1:34:44] It fires a ball and knocks him out the window.

[1:34:47] Oh, right.

[1:34:48] That's right.

[1:34:49] He shoots him with a tennis ball cannon out a window.

[1:34:52] And you described that with all the sympathy of being a noted animal lover.

[1:34:57] I mean, I care about all living things.

[1:35:00] I did say there was no reason to do it.

[1:35:01] What I like about this action sequence...

[1:35:03] I do not advocate violence against any form of animal or human,

[1:35:09] but the dog was attacking them.

[1:35:12] Let's not say there was no reason.

[1:35:13] They had a motivation.

[1:35:15] Now, they should not have killed the dog.

[1:35:17] Let me be clear about that.

[1:35:18] Yeah, it's not like Hudson Hawk on the way out was like,

[1:35:21] and fuck you, dog.

[1:35:23] I mean, I might have liked it more if he did that

[1:35:25] and then just kicked the dog out of the window.

[1:35:27] Okay, so there's only one way to escape this castle.

[1:35:30] Hey, guys, was there a special Da Vinci device

[1:35:33] that we saw in the opening of the movie

[1:35:34] that we have not seen nor heard about since then?

[1:35:39] I think there was.

[1:35:40] And what was it?

[1:35:40] What was it?

[1:35:41] Think back.

[1:35:42] Think back.

[1:35:43] It was glaring in the first scene because there was no reason for it to be there.

[1:35:47] It was one of those gliders, those gliders, right?

[1:35:50] That's right.

[1:35:51] Those Da Vinci gliders.

[1:35:52] One of those gliders, one of those Batwing gliders.

[1:35:54] They managed to fly it off, and it's almost, okay, so in Howard the Duck, there's a very

[1:35:59] long sequence where Howard and Tim Robbins are riding around in a little, what, gyroplane.

[1:36:04] It takes forever.

[1:36:05] Imagine the exact opposite of that is Andy McDowell and Bruce Willis get on this glider.

[1:36:09] There is one moment or two of them being worried.

[1:36:11] And then they're like, we did it.

[1:36:12] And they land.

[1:36:13] And it was like, wait, was this supposed to be funny or exciting?

[1:36:16] I don't know.

[1:36:16] And it's like, and it looks terrible.

[1:36:19] So I imagine that in the edit, they were like, this looks awful.

[1:36:21] Like, let's just not have a lot of this.

[1:36:23] And also the movie should have been over 10 minutes ago when they killed the bad guys the first time.

[1:36:27] But anyway, they land in a picturesque Italian village and kiss.

[1:36:32] Hey, guess who happens to be there by the logic of the movie?

[1:36:35] It's Tommy.

[1:36:35] He's there and he's alive.

[1:36:37] And they joke about how ridiculous it all is.

[1:36:39] And guess what Eddie finally gets?

[1:36:41] That cappuccino he's wanted so long.

[1:36:45] And the voiceover at the beginning of the movie, which was not anywhere else in the movie,

[1:36:48] comes back and goes, and Eddie finally got his coffee.

[1:36:50] And they close the big tome and it's the end of the movie.

[1:36:52] I do want to say, I mean, you mentioned it in passing,

[1:36:56] but I really did enjoy the jokes surrounding Danny Isle's reappearance.

[1:37:01] Because he's like, oh, you should have exploded in that car.

[1:37:03] And he's like, airbags.

[1:37:04] like yeah but the fire is like there's a sprinkler in the car do you believe it and they're all just

[1:37:09] like lit there they're literally all like yeah sure why not yeah they are so openly not even

[1:37:15] caring about the fact that he was just in a car explosion like yeah oh i think that the rest of

[1:37:21] the movie would have done better with that tone of knowing that you're in a movie yes way like it

[1:37:28] but it but there again it just sort of sticks out as being so odd you know like it's like the it's

[1:37:34] the movie it's kind of like a a like an er austin powers in a way where it's like we're gonna do a

[1:37:40] throwback it's gonna be really goofy the characters are gonna stretch the reality of the movie to such

[1:37:45] an extent that by the end of it nobody believes in that reality but they're still having a good time

[1:37:49] but they like couldn't they just couldn't stick the landing or the takeoff or the flight in between

[1:37:54] and the in-flight meal wasn't very good and also they ran out of soda like halfway through the

[1:37:58] flight uh and also when they brought you a bag of peanuts there was a hole in the bag and a spider

[1:38:04] had crawled into the bag and you opened it up and the guy next to you was like oh spider i hardly

[1:38:09] know her and you're like that doesn't make sense as a joke like that's uh i think that's a perfect

[1:38:15] lead-in to final judgments about whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie

[1:38:21] you kind of like uh guys like i said i um tried to watch this a couple times before when i was

[1:38:28] younger and just sort of like lost interest um and now i don't know why because there's constantly

[1:38:34] stuff going on uh i think that there's like multiple uh factors at play like i said i didn't

[1:38:40] have any i didn't bring any preconceived notions this time to it unlike roman i don't find bruce

[1:38:47] willis's smugness more inseparable as i grow older i i find that i have a ironic appreciation for it

[1:38:55] as part of the persona of who Bruce Willis is now.

[1:38:58] Okay, you'll get to the Jeff Bridges stage eventually.

[1:39:01] Guys, I'd never seen this movie.

[1:39:03] Like Ishtar, it just lived in my mind

[1:39:05] as a movie with a bad reputation.

[1:39:08] And unlike Ishtar, which I do not like at all,

[1:39:11] by the end of it, I was like,

[1:39:12] you know what, Hudson Hawk,

[1:39:13] you're a movie I kind of like.

[1:39:15] You're not good, but I have to admit,

[1:39:18] like the things that made this totally unswallowable

[1:39:21] for the audiences of 1991

[1:39:23] are the exact things that are refreshing to me about it now where it's like yeah whatever you

[1:39:28] can say about this movie it was not made by a studio committee trying to be as safe as possible

[1:39:32] like this is a bonkers movie and knowing that it is the close much like nothing but trouble is the

[1:39:38] clearest mirror of the warped psyche of Dan Aykroyd knowing that this is kind of the movie

[1:39:43] that plays in Bruce Willis's head when he thinks about making a movie that kind of adds a little

[1:39:47] bit of extra meaning to it for me it was unfairly maligned at the time and i feel like now there are

[1:39:53] a bunch of people who claim that it's this misunderstood masterpiece which is just

[1:39:57] contrarian hipster nonsense it does exist in the middle i think that like uh people

[1:40:03] there's a weird lack of nuance to people's opinions uh nowadays perhaps because of the

[1:40:09] internet where they can't justify liking something if it's not actually awesome like it's like no no

[1:40:15] no you're right you're wrong this movie is amazing i wouldn't say this movie is amazing but this movie

[1:40:20] is a lot more fun than i thought it would be and i kind of liked it uh yeah i would say i don't know

[1:40:26] i feel like this is probably the closest i feel like this is a solid good bad movie uh there's

[1:40:33] parts of it that i like uh there's parts of it that are uh not as not so good um you were gonna

[1:40:40] do an italian accent there and you didn't do it you know i'm trying to be better about that you

[1:40:44] know uh it's appropriate yeah it was you know it was a character i'm doing a character um yeah i

[1:40:52] i definitely have uh i i have a lot of affection for this movie if this movie was a person i would

[1:41:00] hand it my nintendo switch and say would you play nintendo with me yeah that's fair that's fair i i

[1:41:07] think i'm right where you guys are it's like i think 30 years ago it was a movie i kind of liked

[1:41:11] i think now i think of it more as a good bad movie because my tolerance for bruce willis's

[1:41:16] smug face has dropped a lot since then but it's also like it is going for it and you got to admire

[1:41:22] that it was it was during that phase of where action movie writers and directors kind of like

[1:41:28] last action hero and uh where they were bored with action movies but like the audience was

[1:41:34] not bored with action movies yet so they were doing these bad commentaries on action movies

[1:41:38] but um but you know the audience was like i like action movies i want our schwarzenegger to go back

[1:41:44] to what he was they're like wait can i not watch bruce willis just be a cat burglar like does it

[1:41:49] have to be like in a crazy world like and so it sort of has this interesting time capsule in that

[1:41:55] in that sense but yeah i i think it's it's pretty enjoyable i watched it twice in preparation for

[1:42:00] this and that was about my wow like i i don't i'm not going to be seeing it again for another 30

[1:42:05] years but it is it is in that it's really right down the middle to me to a good bad movie you

[1:42:12] know and a movie i kind of liked uh okay well elliot is gonna talk a little bit more about the

[1:42:23] max fun drive in a moment but to give you a uh break from his voice before he starts i'm gonna

[1:42:29] to say a quick word for Squarespace, which you can use to create a beautiful website to turn your

[1:42:37] cool idea into a site people might enjoy out there in the world, blog or publish content, sell products

[1:42:42] and services of all kinds and much more. And Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful,

[1:42:48] customizable templates created by world-class designers with everything optimized for mobile

[1:42:54] right out of the box. You can use it on your phone, tablet, whatever. A new way to buy domains

[1:42:59] and choose from over 200 extensions, free and secure hosting,

[1:43:03] and much more call to action.

[1:43:05] This is it, guys.

[1:43:07] This is the call to action.

[1:43:09] You've got to go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:43:15] And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code FLOP

[1:43:18] to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:43:22] Was I not supposed to read call to action?

[1:43:25] Maybe.

[1:43:26] Let's move on.

[1:43:28] It's on the page.

[1:43:28] Now, Roman's Squarespace ads particularly are beautiful to behold on 99% Invisible.

[1:43:35] And so I just, it was very entertaining for me to watch.

[1:43:40] It was kind of like watching like a professional NFL player watching like a peewee football match.

[1:43:45] And the kids realized suddenly that there was a peewee footballer there and just started running a little faster just at the very end.

[1:43:51] I was just amazed that you actually do these like in line, like live to tape, which is like,

[1:43:57] you do realize that you can record things

[1:43:59] like at separate times and like put them in

[1:44:01] yeah never heard of it

[1:44:03] never heard of it yeah we do things

[1:44:04] for that we wouldn't have to have our

[1:44:07] guests just

[1:44:09] sit around for them I guess

[1:44:10] we do things Steve Allen style

[1:44:13] all live I love it

[1:44:15] watching the magic unfold like that

[1:44:17] was really something

[1:44:18] now normally I would

[1:44:21] then make up some kind of

[1:44:22] silly website that maybe

[1:44:25] Squarespace could help me with that's based somewhat

[1:44:27] on the movie. Like, for instance,

[1:44:29] ismygirlfriendanone.com

[1:44:31] Your site to find out whether your girlfriend

[1:44:33] is secretly a nun, and also a

[1:44:35] secret agent. But, you know, mostly the nun thing.

[1:44:37] But we don't have time for that, because here's a website I'm going to tell you about.

[1:44:39] It's called maximumfun.org

[1:44:41] You don't want to do a

[1:44:43] ad for spaghetti thermoses or

[1:44:45] something?

[1:44:45] Oh yeah, we never even talked about spaghetti thermoses.

[1:44:49] Alright. Oh, sorry.

[1:44:51] So here's a website called findmecoffee.com

[1:44:53] Hey, have you ever just landed

[1:44:55] in a glider in a little italian village and you're not sure if they served coffee there

[1:44:58] just log on to findmycoffee.com it'll show you where the coffee is anyway but maximumfun.org

[1:45:03] joins the site i want to talk about because again it is pledge time we've been hearing a lot from

[1:45:08] our great listeners uh and how much this show means for them i've been getting a lot of tweets

[1:45:13] about it and it's been really wonderful and it's been really um you know just uplifting to us to

[1:45:19] find out how people feel about the show and how much it means to them and especially economically

[1:45:24] uplifting to find out how much it means to them in monetary form. So here's the ask. We're going

[1:45:30] to be asking of you. We're going to ask you to think about, hey, what can you afford in this

[1:45:34] time, as mentioned before? And also, you didn't need the mention because you know it's a hard

[1:45:38] time. It's a hard time right now. It's not an easy time to be throwing money at the guys talking

[1:45:43] about Hudson Hawk and making Dan mad on a weekly now basis. But we appreciate you continuing or

[1:45:51] increasing your support here's now i'm imagining uh my enemies whoever they may be out in the world

[1:45:57] secretly funding this podcast uh just so i get eventually dan will literally blow his top and

[1:46:04] then we'll have our revenge um we need your support uh it helps us helps us keep going with

[1:46:10] the podcast it's something that uh helps me i know just being personally convinced my family

[1:46:14] to let me sit in a room uh twice a week away from them for a choice week once every once a week sit

[1:46:19] a room away from them and take time i should spend uh you know taking care of my family or

[1:46:24] playing with them or whatever are you sure i feel like they're like uh yeah why don't you take some

[1:46:30] dad time me time with your buddies i mean that's fair that's fair but so so aside from the main

[1:46:39] reason you should become a member which is to keep all this great flop house content coming to you

[1:46:42] uh with our mini episodes now we're giving you i would say twice the content but our regular

[1:46:47] episodes are so long that it's more like 35 more content uh with the mini episodes uh here's the

[1:46:52] other reason you join because you can now get not just bonus content which is hours and hours and

[1:46:58] hours and hours and hours of shows from maximum fun shows that you can't listen to otherwise not

[1:47:02] just our show although our show does have lots of bonus content including a some would say prolonged

[1:47:08] uh role-playing adventure starring us run by stewart in which we travel to the outer bounds

[1:47:13] of space over 10 or so hours i don't know it's a long it's a long one uh but a lot of exciting

[1:47:19] stuff happens when we meet some crazy creatures uh in addition to that you can also get that's

[1:47:25] right the classic new one every year i can't believe elliot's fucking riding me so much this

[1:47:31] episode i know you can also you also get if you go to the ten dollar a month limit because that's

[1:47:38] the thing you can you could be a five dollar a month donor or a contributor let's say you could

[1:47:42] be a $10 a month contributor, you can go as high as $50 or $100 a month. And each one of those

[1:47:46] levels has its own gifts. That also includes the gifts from the previous levels. But at $10 a month,

[1:47:51] you get the pins. That's right. Everyone's favorite thing about the MaxFun Pledge Drive,

[1:47:55] it's the pins. Every show has its own pin. You get to choose what show you want to wear the colors

[1:48:01] of on your, you know, jean jacket or maybe on your backpack. So that when you go to school,

[1:48:06] everyone's like, hey, cool Flophouse pin. What is it? And you're just like, yeah, it's, you know,

[1:48:09] It's Rocket Crocodile.

[1:48:10] Amazing that you didn't recognize the character, but you knew it was a Flophouse pin, even though it doesn't say Flophouse on it.

[1:48:15] And they're like, hey, that's because we're MaxFun listeners, kind of.

[1:48:18] Anyway, so did you get the answer from number four on the algebra homework?

[1:48:21] And you're going to be like, aren't we still going to talk about the pin?

[1:48:23] And they're like, we're done talking about the pin.

[1:48:25] We've got more important things to talk about.

[1:48:26] Do you think Shirley likes me?

[1:48:28] And it's like, I don't think so.

[1:48:29] You're crazy, dude.

[1:48:30] So those pins are yours at the $10 a month level.

[1:48:33] You get to choose which one.

[1:48:36] There's a lot of great pins for a lot of great shows.

[1:48:37] Oh, there's Shirley Jackson?

[1:48:39] Yes, Shirley Jackson came to speak at their school, and the guy is convinced she has a crush on him.

[1:48:47] And he's like, hey, I could always live in the castle.

[1:48:52] Speaking of castles, Hudson Hawk, we've always lived in the castle.

[1:48:59] Stuart, you do the math.

[1:49:00] Yeah, put it on your board.

[1:49:01] I'm not on my board, Dan.

[1:49:07] And so according to this, according to this document, and Dan, tell me if I'm wrong at any point because we're in week three, right?

[1:49:14] This will be released in week three.

[1:49:16] According to this document, this week, if all our $10 a month members have the option to purchase additional pins from the store, not just the one that you chose, and the proceeds from those additional pins go to charity, there are so many great ones.

[1:49:29] I know I'm going to take advantage of it.

[1:49:30] I'm going to buy a bunch of them.

[1:49:31] I want that Switchblade Sisters one, and I want the iPodius one.

[1:49:34] Anyway, there's a bunch of good ones.

[1:49:36] I know I'm going to get them.

[1:49:37] I'm already a MaxFun member, but I always choose the Flophouse bin because even though I think it's weird that I have to buy a pin from my own podcast, I still want to support the network.

[1:49:46] Come on.

[1:49:47] Let's create shows.

[1:49:47] So you go to MaximumFun.org slash join.

[1:49:50] You sign up for the $10 a month level, and you can get that pin that you want and also additional pins.

[1:49:56] Hey, you don't have to do $10 a month, but if you do, that's what you get.

[1:50:00] There's lots of other levels.

[1:50:01] There's lots of other gifts.

[1:50:02] I would advise you to – yeah?

[1:50:05] Allie, I just want to say two things while this is going on.

[1:50:07] Number one, there was a point where you're talking about pins where it sounded like when I accidentally hit two times speed on my podcast when listening.

[1:50:16] You just, I don't know.

[1:50:18] It was like, I don't know.

[1:50:20] You shifted into Micro Machines guy and I was very impressed.

[1:50:23] Oh, thanks.

[1:50:23] Number two, as long as we're talking about MaxFun things that happened this week, I just want to quickly plug.

[1:50:30] If you go to the MaxFun YouTube page, I did a charity dinner for Meals on Wheels with some other MaxFun podcasters that you can see.

[1:50:39] It, you know, it streamed live, but you can always donate to Meals on Wheels and watch the YouTube dinner party.

[1:50:46] Back to you, Elliot, in the studio.

[1:50:48] Thank you.

[1:50:49] So, please, I would advise you to go to MaximumFun.org slash join now while you are thinking about it.

[1:50:56] I know that it took me weeks and weeks to remember to donate to a recent charity that I wanted to

[1:51:01] donate to. I donate to charities regularly, but this particular one I kept forgetting.

[1:51:03] Don't let that happen to you. Go to maximumfund.org slash join now. Are you in a car driving

[1:51:08] listening to this? Pull over. Pull over and get your phone out. Are you on public transportation?

[1:51:13] Even better. You don't have to pull over. Just keep going. So this is the chill Max Fund drive?

[1:51:18] Yeah. If you're on a plane right now, parachute out of that plane. Get a signal. If you're at a

[1:51:24] funeral right now i don't know why you're listening to this at a funeral but like you're already

[1:51:27] listening to your phone just just take it out and make the donation uh just go if you're at a

[1:51:32] wedding right now same thing uh you should do it now before you forget and i want to say thank you

[1:51:37] it it means a lot to us that anyone is interested in listening to what is let's just face it

[1:51:44] nonsense and that it means enough to people for them to really reach into their pockets and help

[1:51:50] us out in making us make it happen uh this is a strange time this show i know has provided a real

[1:51:55] outlet for me it seems like for a lot of our listeners it's also provided a kind of special

[1:52:00] outlet where they can escape the cares and woes of the world and like the prisoners at the end of

[1:52:05] sullivan's travels uh laugh for a few moments before returning to the drudgery and hell that

[1:52:10] is life so please uh why not help keep that brief shining moment of pleasure in an otherwise

[1:52:16] blasted and tear-filled veil that

[1:52:18] we live in. And just join us

[1:52:20] at MaximumFun.org slash join.

[1:52:22] Become a member. If you're already a member, consider

[1:52:24] upgrading. And if you're not a member,

[1:52:26] if you don't become a member, thank you still for

[1:52:28] listening, but still

[1:52:30] consider becoming a member.

[1:52:31] Let's do a quick little post-mortem of that little

[1:52:34] pledge break there.

[1:52:35] The pitches this

[1:52:38] week have been a little more psychological

[1:52:40] than I'm comfortable with.

[1:52:41] Just like, I mean, whether it be

[1:52:44] like playing on people's psychological

[1:52:46] weaknesses right now

[1:52:48] or just sort of veering

[1:52:50] into kind of a nihilistic view

[1:52:52] of everything.

[1:52:53] This is also how my home life goes.

[1:52:56] Sammy will be like, I love you, Daddy.

[1:52:58] And I'm like, do you love me?

[1:52:59] And then I shake a tip jar. I'm not seeing a lot

[1:53:02] in the old TJ.

[1:53:03] And then he's got to put some bills in there

[1:53:06] and I'm like, oh, you do love me. Or he'll put

[1:53:08] some coins and I'm like, oh, I guess Sammy doesn't love me as much

[1:53:10] as he did yesterday. He's like, sorry, Dad.

[1:53:12] Because then he's just doing a flex and you're like,

[1:53:14] Fuck you, dude.

[1:53:15] Stop trying to buy my attention.

[1:53:17] And next week for the pledge drive, we'll do reverse psychology.

[1:53:20] We'll be like, hey, it's pledge drive.

[1:53:22] We don't even want you to pledge.

[1:53:23] Don't worry.

[1:53:24] Don't even do it.

[1:53:25] Don't become a member.

[1:53:26] And they'll be like, fuck you, Flophouse.

[1:53:27] I'll do whatever I want.

[1:53:28] And they'll become members, right?

[1:53:30] Maybe.

[1:53:30] Okay.

[1:53:31] I don't like this new psychological warfare direction we're going in.

[1:53:35] So, Dan, what do we do next?

[1:53:37] Oh, yeah?

[1:53:37] The next thing we do on the show is do a couple of letters from listeners.

[1:53:42] Listeners like you.

[1:53:43] If you want to write us a letter, go to the website and figure it out.

[1:53:48] I don't like saying it on the air because we get so many letters.

[1:53:51] Okay, Dan, if I can for a moment do a post-mortem on that.

[1:53:57] I feel like that was for someone who was ready to open the door on a kinder, gentler era of the Flophouse episode.

[1:54:06] It seems like you really slammed that door shut in the faces of the listeners by saying, and I quote, hey, this is how you send us a letter.

[1:54:14] Go to hell.

[1:54:15] Seems like a bit much.

[1:54:17] No, I love that you guys care.

[1:54:21] There have been so many touching letters over the years.

[1:54:24] I'm just really tired.

[1:54:26] I apologize.

[1:54:26] No, not good, does it?

[1:54:27] It's okay.

[1:54:28] So let me just take a moment and say, hey, we're sorry from the Flophouse.

[1:54:33] We're sorry for Dan from the Flophouse.

[1:54:36] I'm sure that Stuart and I have said things today that may have caused a bit of dismay for listeners of the Flophouse.

[1:54:44] But even more than that, I'd just like to take this moment to chat and say we're sorry for Dan from the Flophouse.

[1:54:51] We love when you write to us.

[1:54:53] It really makes us smile.

[1:54:55] We'd run for miles and miles and miles for a letter from you.

[1:54:59] And I know Dan makes it sound like torture that you reach out to us and empty your hearts with affection and love for the Flophouse.

[1:55:07] But Dan's just uncomfortable with feelings and emotions.

[1:55:10] It's the way he was raised in Eureka, Illinois.

[1:55:14] Yeah, you know what?

[1:55:17] I apologize to everyone.

[1:55:18] I feel like between this and Topeka, I've taken a hard left turn into meanness over the last few episodes.

[1:55:25] I'm sorry.

[1:55:26] Wow.

[1:55:27] Did you get that feedback from the overfull letters bag that you have

[1:55:32] that is crushing your body?

[1:55:33] Can barely tolerate?

[1:55:34] Yeah, okay.

[1:55:36] Well, my class name withheld.

[1:55:37] This does remind me of years ago when Ringo Starr released that video message

[1:55:42] where he was like, fans, I love you.

[1:55:44] Peace and love.

[1:55:44] You're the best.

[1:55:45] Do not write me any more letters.

[1:55:46] I will not write back.

[1:55:47] Peace and love.

[1:55:47] Do not write me letters.

[1:55:48] Well, he, I mean, he, you know,

[1:55:51] set himself an unreasonable

[1:55:53] thing

[1:55:55] when he said that he would write back.

[1:55:57] He wrote back to everything for years.

[1:55:59] That was foolish of him.

[1:56:00] Okay, my class name withheld

[1:56:03] writes, Peaches,

[1:56:05] as Stuart has noted earlier,

[1:56:07] a movie is a horror movie if a character dies.

[1:56:09] Which makes me think that

[1:56:11] Waking Ned Divine is the best horror movie

[1:56:13] of all time. On that note,

[1:56:15] what is your favorite genre-defying

[1:56:17] or cross-genre

[1:56:19] movie?

[1:56:21] I'll say there's one of my favorite movies that I actually want to watch again soon,

[1:56:26] but I have to buy a new copy because I lent my DVD to somebody and they lost it,

[1:56:29] is a movie called The Fall, directed by Tarsem Singh that stars Lee Pace.

[1:56:33] And it's kind of hard to describe.

[1:56:37] It's like kind of a fantasy, but it's not a fantasy movie.

[1:56:41] And it's kind of adventure, but it's not quite an adventure movie.

[1:56:43] And it's kind of a drama, but it's a strange movie.

[1:56:46] And it's this movie that's set in the silent era of Hollywood

[1:56:50] and this stuntman is in a hospital

[1:56:52] because he broke his leg in a stunt

[1:56:53] trying to impress his ex-girlfriend

[1:56:54] and he befriends this little girl

[1:56:56] and starts telling her this fantasy story

[1:56:58] and we're seeing her imagining

[1:57:00] of what he's telling her

[1:57:01] and the story is so building off

[1:57:05] of the way they feel at any given moment

[1:57:06] and it's a movie that is very hard to classify

[1:57:09] but I really love it

[1:57:10] and it's one that means a lot to me

[1:57:12] so I would say The Fall

[1:57:13] which is not my recommendation for this week

[1:57:15] but I do recommend it.

[1:57:15] Anyway, back to you guys.

[1:57:18] I think like that one, I think my favorite movie of all time, if I had to pick one, is probably Jaws.

[1:57:25] And I think because I think it's probably one of the best horror movies, the best buddy cop movie, the best adventure movie, the best disaster movie.

[1:57:33] It's a good family drama.

[1:57:34] I like movies that actually mix it up a lot in terms of genres.

[1:57:40] yeah obviously i'd say audition the takeshimi aka movie because the first half is like a weird uh

[1:57:47] romance like romance drama and then the second half is uh i don't want to talk about it too much

[1:57:53] uh or i mean uh i've talked about this movie a lot on the show but uh the guest i think is great

[1:58:00] because you don't kind of don't know what it is for a lot of the movie it like it's it's so funny

[1:58:07] and weird and then also because it gets actiony and scary it's great yeah that's good uh i i i'm

[1:58:15] just going to sort of make a more broad uh uh statement about i think that a lot of these sort

[1:58:21] of uh korean new wave of films uh fall into this where like it seems like they can make genre

[1:58:31] movies there like thrillers or horror films or or or just you know kind of i don't know like

[1:58:38] science fictiony things that uh don't feel the need to adhere to one tone like i think that

[1:58:46] there's a lot of uh problem that american audiences often have if like tone varies wildly

[1:58:53] um but i don't know maybe it's just because of what you said earlier that we're willing to accept

[1:58:59] uh different things from different cultures i don't know but like um they don't seem to reject

[1:59:05] in south korean films how often you know they'll throw a stew of like me horrifying

[1:59:12] or throw stewart in there no i have like horrifying events horrifying violence but

[1:59:17] then they'll have a very broad comedy or they'll have uh characters uh you know reacting to things

[1:59:25] in ways that are both

[1:59:27] emotionally honest

[1:59:29] and melodramatic simultaneously

[1:59:31] and I find that

[1:59:32] so much more fascinating than something

[1:59:35] that feels beholden to

[1:59:37] one tone the whole way through.

[1:59:39] I'm always curious about whether those movies

[1:59:41] are successful in their home

[1:59:43] countries.

[1:59:43] That reminded me of a movie I should

[1:59:47] have used as another answer to this, which is Save the Green Planet,

[1:59:49] which is a South Korean movie

[1:59:51] that's like a thriller and

[1:59:53] also a comedy and also

[1:59:55] like a plea for for ecological uh conservation and it's such a strange movie and i know that

[2:00:01] that was not a success in south korea and i wonder if movies that are that come over here

[2:00:05] and get kind of cult followings here and we start to think that that's kind of like what they do

[2:00:10] over there whether those movies are actually mainstream movies over there sometimes they are

[2:00:14] certainly certainly like park chan wook and bang joon-ho like two of the biggest names like they

[2:00:19] are hugely successful that's true but i'm always like i have to look up like a movie like the good

[2:00:24] the bad and the weird like how how well that did or not because it's yeah because that's another

[2:00:27] crazy movie uh so ike writes uh president eisenhower

[2:00:34] uh how do we feel about like guys uh some people like them uh i feel like that it to put it just

[2:00:43] on a like and don't like polar access is a little bit hard when you're talking about a president

[2:00:48] who had such a mixed bag in some ways.

[2:00:51] On the one hand, he sent troops to integrate Southern schools.

[2:00:57] On the other hand, he did it reluctantly,

[2:00:59] and he was not happy that the Supreme Court forced his hand.

[2:01:02] Do you judge a man by his motives or by his actions?

[2:01:04] You know what? That's beyond my pay grade.

[2:01:07] I'll just say this.

[2:01:08] As far as presidents who looked like big babies,

[2:01:10] he was one of the best.

[2:01:11] Well, President Eisenhower writes,

[2:01:17] This week I finally watched a movie that has scared me my entire life

[2:01:21] since I watched it for the first time as a kid.

[2:01:23] I'm speaking, of course, of 1979's The Muppet Movie.

[2:01:28] In young my defense, it's still terrifying.

[2:01:32] However, I was able to sleep afterwards, so big improvement.

[2:01:35] I'm writing to ask whether any of you have movies that you watched as kids

[2:01:39] that you couldn't or still can't watch because they scared you so badly.

[2:01:42] Bonus points if it's not a traditionally scary movie,

[2:01:46] although uh i stand that uh i stand behind that animal is one of the most horrifying creatures to

[2:01:53] ever grace the screens oh sammy would argue with that thank you for your time and your podcast

[2:01:57] ike last name with sammy would argue with that mr president although i do know he he would get

[2:02:02] scared when the giant animal comes out of the end when he eats all those grow pills although for me

[2:02:07] the scariest scene in that movie is the one with mel brooks where they they're stuffing kermit into

[2:02:10] that device and it's like not funny it's just like really distressing and mel brooks is doing

[2:02:16] that weird german accent but he's like just looks like regular mel brooks like that whole that whole

[2:02:21] scene it's i every time i watch it i skip that scene i'm like don't need it this is too distressing

[2:02:25] for me well actually i mean like i i had actually forgotten that uh the muppet thing was in there

[2:02:31] when i was formulating my answer to this uh question because the three things that i came

[2:02:37] up with are not actually movies but they're tv things that i remember scaring me that weren't

[2:02:41] supposed to be scary as a kid one of them was at the beginning of the muppet show when they're like

[2:02:46] and the like biggest monsters start walking out of their little doors toward the camera that

[2:02:53] freaked me out i'd be freaked out uh i mean i was obviously primed to be freaked out because i just

[2:02:59] watched twin peaks but i'd be extra freaked out by the mark frost like production logo at the end

[2:03:05] that was all like sizzling electricity uh for a sudden loud noise afterwards for a moment i thought

[2:03:12] that you were primed to be freaked out by the muppet show because you had just walked

[2:03:15] twin peaks that's like i misunderstood for a moment yeah uh and lastly animal figure i think

[2:03:21] the thing that would terrify me the most when i was a kid was the emergency broadcast system

[2:03:29] test because my brother at some point was like oh you know like this is you know they that's the

[2:03:33] The government put it in place in case, like, there's a nuclear war or something like that.

[2:03:37] I'm like, what?

[2:03:37] And so every time, even though they would say it's only a test, it would freak me out.

[2:03:42] I think it's partly just, like, the fact that anything, anything could interrupt television, one of the most important pillars in my childhood.

[2:03:51] Something would have the audacity to break into the signal.

[2:03:55] When I was a kid, I would like, or like a teenager, you know, if I stayed up till four

[2:04:00] in the morning or something watching TV, and there was always the moment when I would go

[2:04:04] to the local PBS channels to watch the end of day where they would play, it must've been

[2:04:09] something they made in the early eighties or late seventies where it's images of Americana

[2:04:13] as the, as there's like a MIDI version of the Star Spangled Banner that plays.

[2:04:17] And I just remember, and it's like super like seventies, early eighties video where like

[2:04:22] there's a lot of blur like and burn in when it moves from image to image and then it would just

[2:04:27] end the song and immediately cut to color bars and that would be it for about two hours and i was it

[2:04:32] just frightened me so much for a similar reason where it was like oh okay there's there's nobody

[2:04:36] at the wheel right now like that channel just doesn't exist like anything could happen right

[2:04:41] now and we're in a no man's and also it meant like well i've stayed up so late that i'm no

[2:04:45] longer tired and we'll get no sleep tonight which was the other scary thing so i think if i watch

[2:04:49] that on my own now i'd get that feeling of like the fright of well what am i going to do for the

[2:04:53] rest of the night till the sun comes up what do you guys think i would say my my my scariest one

[2:04:59] is i know this is sacred in this house but um is gremlins i saw gremlins in the theater i thought

[2:05:06] it was the scariest movie i'd ever seen i got none of the humor i just got the grimness of it

[2:05:11] and the and the grossness of it and i've never seen it again it it lives in my mind as the

[2:05:16] scariest movie that exists i mean it's a legitimately scary movie like that it's i

[2:05:22] always have to remind myself like oh yeah like the gremlins kill people and even when you see

[2:05:26] the gremlins killed on screen like it's really gross yeah but but then you see that part really

[2:05:31] there's that part where the gremlins are hanging out at the bar and they're just having a blast

[2:05:34] you know mutant madness that's great i just never found the humor and the like i was too young to

[2:05:39] sort of get the humor of it and the madcapness of it and i just remember uh her dad dying in the

[2:05:46] chimney trying to be Santa Claus and and then the grossness of the different gremlins that when they

[2:05:53] when they are turned nasty and stuff and I I've never seen gremlins too I've never seen any of

[2:05:59] the other ones like my kids are 13 now and uh we've talked about different um they used to

[2:06:06] really be pushing horror movies and horror you know like more and more extreme they really wanted

[2:06:10] to try them out and uh i drove the line of gremlins you're like martyrs it's funny that

[2:06:16] dad can dad can we watch gremlins no we're watching anthrophages that's what we're watching

[2:06:22] that dad dying uh phoebe kate's dad dying uh monologue scene disturbed me so much as a kid

[2:06:30] and it was like such an interesting process growing up and seeing gremlins over and over

[2:06:33] again and like like slowly getting that the joke of the scene is that there is no joke to it that

[2:06:41] they're like in the middle of it just telling this very grim sad story uh i mean there is a little

[2:06:49] bit of a joke in the idea that her dad thought this would be a great idea yeah like it's a

[2:06:54] terrible idea it's this horrible like like urban legend horror tale almost and uh but just the fact

[2:07:02] that it's played

[2:07:03] basically straight for

[2:07:06] this miserable thing in the middle

[2:07:08] of a horror comedy is

[2:07:09] funny in and of itself. Yeah, I was a

[2:07:12] pretty weird kid. I remember being

[2:07:14] really scared when

[2:07:16] I saw a clip of the movie

[2:07:18] The Shining.

[2:07:19] Wow, you were a little out there.

[2:07:24] You were a little out there as a kid.

[2:07:25] And obviously Large Marge.

[2:07:27] Like Large Marge. Oh, Large Marge.

[2:07:29] Large Marge was

[2:07:32] the scariest thing large margin that taxi cab ghost in ghostbusters were the two things that

[2:07:37] consistently i would cover my eyes for i think there was a there's an episode of i think it was

[2:07:41] the hogan family that opens like it's a halloween episode and it opens with the characters as

[2:07:46] zombies that was pretty scary i remember also now that i think about it being genuinely scared by

[2:07:54] the crypt keeper even though now i look at him as like silly and lovable because when you're a kid

[2:07:58] I know when I was a kid

[2:07:59] I thought he was a real guy

[2:08:00] like I didn't necessarily

[2:08:01] I didn't think he was

[2:08:02] a real zombie

[2:08:02] but I thought he was like

[2:08:03] I thought he was a real person

[2:08:05] who they put makeup

[2:08:06] on his face

[2:08:06] and I couldn't quite

[2:08:08] figure out whether

[2:08:09] he was a puppet or not

[2:08:10] and that really frightened me

[2:08:11] it's the uncanny valley

[2:08:12] yeah of course now

[2:08:14] I love him

[2:08:15] now he's a great guy

[2:08:16] and

[2:08:17] your best friend

[2:08:18] now we're best

[2:08:18] now we're best buds

[2:08:19] me and Grifty

[2:08:19] but

[2:08:20] yeah

[2:08:22] kids are scared of stuff

[2:08:23] Large Marge is the scariest

[2:08:24] thing in the world

[2:08:24] when you're a kid though

[2:08:25] and as an adult

[2:08:26] I watched it and I was like

[2:08:27] this is

[2:08:27] this could be on

[2:08:28] bb's playhouse like it's so goofy but and no and like i would know it was happening like that's one

[2:08:33] of those things where as a kid you watch it again and you're like i know this is going to happen and

[2:08:37] i know it's going to be scary and the anticipation yeah it's so frightening yeah yeah you're like

[2:08:41] you work yourself up you you start to vomit it's horrible yeah you're just peeing all over yourself

[2:08:46] pooping all over yourself and your mom is like you're not watching this movie again i will not

[2:08:51] allow it this happens every time and you're like but mom but mom he's got to get his bike back yeah

[2:08:55] I got to see that one moment where Ghidra shows up.

[2:08:58] Okay, so let's move on into the final segment of the show,

[2:09:07] which is recommendations, and we'll do it quick

[2:09:09] because we've wasted so much of podcasting legend Roman Marks' time today.

[2:09:14] Yeah, I apologize, Roman.

[2:09:15] You were like, no problem, In-N-Out.

[2:09:17] I'm sure they taped this show in a professional way,

[2:09:20] not all in a run for two hours plus.

[2:09:22] No, my pleasure.

[2:09:23] We should have warned you about that.

[2:09:25] i want to recommend uh relic which is uh new to video on demand as so many things are these days

[2:09:32] uh starring emily mortimer you mean the relic no i mean relic the new 2020 film

[2:09:38] no i think you're talking about screamers no it's uh it's a it is a new zealand canada

[2:09:48] co-production with a

[2:09:50] English lead actor

[2:09:51] and it is about

[2:09:53] you know a

[2:09:55] grandmother well the main character's

[2:09:58] mother the secondary

[2:09:59] the daughter's grandmother

[2:10:02] you know three generations let's just say that

[2:10:04] the grandmother is

[2:10:05] this is the quick one

[2:10:07] she is deteriorating in health

[2:10:10] they go out to her house

[2:10:12] to take care of her to look for her

[2:10:13] like she disappeared at the beginning of the movie

[2:10:15] and it is a movie

[2:10:18] that is a horror film based on sort of the metaphor of the horror of seeing your parent

[2:10:26] deteriorate in that way and um i think at first when i was watching it i'm like oh this is another

[2:10:33] one of these elevated horror movies that over relies maybe on a lack of incident and building

[2:10:40] dread and also maybe suffers from being a little close to hereditary and that it's you know this

[2:10:45] sort of generational horror but then as it went on i realized that it was like its own great thing

[2:10:51] the third act does some really scary stuff with sort of the geography of the house that's fun

[2:10:57] and then toward the end of the movie it just sort of pushes the metaphor so far that like the movie

[2:11:03] kind of becomes poetic and your emotions shift in a way that i've never seen a horror movie pull off

[2:11:11] so it's it's it's very interesting relic uh i'll go next real quick i'm going to recommend a movie

[2:11:18] that i had mentioned on a previous mini as one that i was kind of going back and forth on

[2:11:22] recommending and that's a 1972 western called buck and the preacher starring sydney poitier

[2:11:27] and harry belafonte it's the first movie that sydney poitier directed and taking over the

[2:11:32] direction after being dissatisfied with the work of joseph sargent director of my favorite movie

[2:11:37] the Taking Pelham 123. And of course, Jaws for the Revenge. But anyway, and it's a Western where

[2:11:41] there's a number of former slaves or former enslaved people are moving west to try to escape

[2:11:48] from becoming enforced kind of tenant farmers. And these militias from the South are trying to

[2:11:56] forcibly push them back, trying to kind of scare and bully them into coming back and working as

[2:12:02] tenant farmers. And they hire Sidney Poitier's character as a guide to help them through the

[2:12:08] West to get to where they'll be safe. And Harry Belafonte is kind of like a con man preacher

[2:12:12] who teams up with them and decides to help them at a certain point. And it was really interesting

[2:12:20] to see a Western movie that kind of treated white people, black people, and also Native Americans.

[2:12:27] And it commits the crime of having Native Americans played by non-Native actors, you know.

[2:12:32] But they do a good job of bringing dignity to those roles, portraying them as kind of like all different groups that are at odds with each other but are not in homogeneous blocks and are also not – there's a thing you see a lot in certain types of Westerns where the hero runs into a bunch of Native Americans and they're buddies.

[2:12:51] And it's like, well, you know this guy is a good guy because the Native characters all love – like in Maverick that happens basically.

[2:12:57] And in this one, there's this relationship between Sidney Poitier's characters and the natives where it's like they know each other, they're aware of each other, but they're still in this kind of tentative tension because these are groups of people who, even though they're starting to more and more exist in the same space, they have more complicated relationships than a movie would usually portray.

[2:13:18] And they kind of all want different things from this world that they're in.

[2:13:21] But anyway, it's a – there are a couple of really good action scenes in it, and it doesn't quite all the way come together, although Harry Belafonte is very funny in it a lot of times.

[2:13:31] And the soundtrack, which is by the jazz musician Benny Carter, is fantastic and uses like a Jew's harp in the best way that I've heard it outside of a Morricone score.

[2:13:42] And so it's a kind of interesting Western that isn't totally on point in terms of pulling everything together at the end, but I think it's worth watching.

[2:13:51] called buck and the preacher who's up next uh i can go uh i am going to recommend uh a movie that

[2:13:59] has gotten quite a quite a bit of good press but i want to talk about it anyway it's called

[2:14:04] portrait of a lady on fire uh it is a uh is playing at my house a lot lately the way you

[2:14:15] said it was a strange movie yeah it's uh so it's a french movie and it is a period piece about a

[2:14:22] doomed romance filled with subtle longing and it's uh i when i remember when i first went into

[2:14:31] it i was expecting it to be fairly dry but it really isn't uh it manages to balance that uh

[2:14:37] the tone of that kind of a doomed romance with uh like a feeling of uh like teenagers left alone in

[2:14:45] a house while the parents are out of town like a don't tell mom the babysitter's dead vibe uh and

[2:14:50] i think it's really fun there's a lot of really great little incidents uh the characters are fun

[2:14:55] and it has uh probably it has like it has such a great sad ending it's just awesome it's great

[2:15:02] i've watched it a bunch of times uh i think it was it was on hulu just like uh just like don't

[2:15:08] tell mom the babysitter's dead has that great yeah exactly and like don't tell mom the babysitter's

[2:15:12] dead you get you get like the proof of title in the movie like you're not they don't tease you

[2:15:18] with anything you get it you see that portrait yeah yeah and the mom they never the mom never

[2:15:23] finds out that the babysitter died right well i mean the babysitter dies in the first like five

[2:15:27] minutes of that movie they don't fuck around and don't tell mom the babysitter's dead or

[2:15:31] they don't tell the mom they never tell the mom right yeah well i mean does she just like i feel

[2:15:38] like maybe she discovers like right at the very end of the movie yeah she finds a decomposing hand

[2:15:44] and she's like oh wow yeah when she's when she's digging that when she's digging a hole to bury

[2:15:51] the treasure that she was off getting in the other movie that's happening in the fringes of

[2:15:55] don't tell mom yeah she was over in goonies

[2:15:58] so i was trying to think of another like a light crime comedy that's more successful than hudson

[2:16:06] hawk and the and this is actually one of my favorite movies it's called quick change it's um

[2:16:11] i think a genuinely funny um uh you know heist a movie with bill murray that he actually co-directed

[2:16:19] um and it's i think it's really underrated i think it's one of bill murray's best movies and

[2:16:23] i know um jesse thorne and i have bonded over this movie in particular because i wouldn't be

[2:16:29] surprised like he's very soon yeah he's probably going to tell us about you scooped him on this

[2:16:34] one the other benefit of this is i get to scoop jesse thorne my nemesis um uh and and tell you

[2:16:41] just how great quick change is because it's like i i watched it with my son uh one of my sons um

[2:16:46] a few weeks ago and uh he totally got it he was into it and it was it was a movie i had on uh

[2:16:52] video cassette and i watched it many many times growing up but for some reason i can't remember

[2:16:57] specific incidents just like the feeling like i remember like at the end where they're like

[2:17:02] walking down that street it's like they're like last chance to get away i don't know it's great

[2:17:06] uh i'm gonna say a last word about the max fun drive in a moment but i just want to

[2:17:14] say so at the end of don't tell mom the babysitter's dead and this is

[2:17:17] this is worth the i'm glad we have some clothes on this glad we have some clothes uh the mom

[2:17:23] asks where uh the babysitter is and as the credits roll the scene cuts away to the cemetery

[2:17:30] where two morticians look over a gravestone that reads,

[2:17:34] Nice old lady inside died of natural causes.

[2:17:37] And I think that's a pretty good joke.

[2:17:40] Don't tell mom the baby's just dead.

[2:17:41] The gravestone says that?

[2:17:42] Yeah, the gravestone says that.

[2:17:44] So do the kids buy a tombstone?

[2:17:46] That's the confusing part.

[2:17:48] Do you think kids eat tombstones?

[2:17:49] No, no, not a tombstone.

[2:17:52] Pizza store.

[2:17:52] Oh, boy.

[2:17:54] Also, Wikipedia says that there's two morticians at the gravestone.

[2:17:59] I doubt that that's actually who's there.

[2:18:01] Yeah, it's not a fucking mortician conference.

[2:18:03] Maybe the morticians like to stop by the cemetery

[2:18:06] to make sure they're taking good care of their work, you know?

[2:18:09] Let's make sure this was buried the right way.

[2:18:11] We put a lot of work into stuffing this old lady full of chemicals.

[2:18:14] Just want to make sure that this...

[2:18:16] And, you know, they leave a rock on the stone, you know,

[2:18:19] just to let people know that they're there, yeah.

[2:18:21] Okay, guys.

[2:18:23] Well, it's been a long day, so let's get to the end.

[2:18:28] Guys, here's the lesson that we learned is I need to edit my notes ahead of time.

[2:18:32] Yeah.

[2:18:33] I do want to say one more word in support of the MaxFunDrive.

[2:18:40] You can go to MaximumFun.org slash join if you haven't had a chance to become a member yet or upgrade your membership.

[2:18:47] That is where you can go.

[2:18:50] I just want to say one last word, which is that I don't love asking for money even when we're not in the middle of several world crises.

[2:18:59] So, you know, it's a difficult thing.

[2:19:02] I also like stability, and I chose a job, comedy writing, that I'm sure I'm going to age out of very soon.

[2:19:08] So I've made a lot of bad choices considering that we are listener-supported.

[2:19:13] But that is the point.

[2:19:15] We are listener-supported.

[2:19:17] As much as I may dislike coming to you hat in hand,

[2:19:20] we have to do it.

[2:19:21] And it's ultimately a good thing

[2:19:23] because as we've said before,

[2:19:25] being funded by people like you

[2:19:27] means that we can put on this show,

[2:19:30] which no one normally would pay for.

[2:19:32] Let's be honest, guys.

[2:19:34] Wow.

[2:19:34] But you like it.

[2:19:36] You like it.

[2:19:37] So you get the chance to keep entertainment

[2:19:41] that may not exist otherwise going.

[2:19:43] And for that, we are very grateful.

[2:19:47] Thank you if you're a person who donates.

[2:19:50] If you're not, if you don't have the means, believe me, we understand.

[2:19:55] We just thank you for listening as well.

[2:19:58] Spread the word about the show.

[2:20:00] Spread the word about the drive.

[2:20:01] Thank you again so much for those who have given or plan to give to keep the show going.

[2:20:08] And just thanks.

[2:20:10] That's the main message we wanted to say here at the end.

[2:20:14] And thank you to Roman Mars for coming and being a guest on this bumpy ride, much like the movie Hudson Hawk.

[2:20:23] Roman, is there anything that you would like to tell us about or plug before you go?

[2:20:28] Oh, sure.

[2:20:29] So I do a show called 99% Invisible.

[2:20:31] It's about architecture and design, but really it's kind of about everything in the built world and how it sort of speaks to us as what's important to us as humans.

[2:20:39] And actually, we have our first book coming out on October 6th.

[2:20:44] It's co-authored by Kurt Kolstad, who works on the staff as digital director.

[2:20:49] And it's called The 99% Invisible City.

[2:20:51] And so we hope people will buy it and enjoy that.

[2:20:55] I'm intrigued.

[2:20:56] I love that stuff.

[2:20:58] I'm going to buy that book.

[2:21:00] You know what?

[2:21:01] I'm going to buy that book.

[2:21:02] So listeners, if you want to be like me and own at least one book that I own, you should also buy it, too.

[2:21:09] And if you want to be like me, and I've been a regular donor to Maximum Fund for over a decade, I think, you should go to MaximumFund.org slash join.

[2:21:18] Because I think that putting your future in the hands of the listeners of Maximum Fund is a great choice.

[2:21:27] I think it's a very important choice, Dan.

[2:21:30] I think I'm proud of you for doing it because I think that these people will catch you.

[2:21:34] I think they will hold you and take care of you and let you be who you are and let you make the things you make.

[2:21:39] That's all I've ever wanted

[2:21:40] That's what they want to do right now

[2:21:43] That's what they want to do right now

[2:21:46] And they're going to come

[2:21:47] They're going to join me in this effort

[2:21:49] By going to MaximumFun.org

[2:21:50] And just take care of these men

[2:21:53] Who are really

[2:21:54] Who put so much

[2:21:57] I feel like Roman could be like a super villain

[2:22:00] Like one of those super villains

[2:22:01] That just like knows your psychological

[2:22:04] Profile immediately

[2:22:05] And just you know

[2:22:07] Uses it against you

[2:22:08] That's amazing

[2:22:09] but i think it's a it's a beautiful system and a great choice and it's nothing to be embarrassed

[2:22:15] about is nothing to apologize for this is really really like the greatest thing that we want is for

[2:22:21] us all to take care of each other in the way that we can and this is what is so beautiful about

[2:22:26] pledge drives is because they are about us giving what we can whatever we can to create something

[2:22:32] greater together so go to maximumfund.org slash join to join me join me because not just them

[2:22:39] like what i need is not just i need not only them supported you you're part of the team that i'm i'm

[2:22:44] part of because i'm one of these people that gives money to them so and it only works if we all join

[2:22:49] in together by going to maximumfund.org i feel like i feel like a couple of younglings sitting

[2:22:54] around the jedi master over here right yeah yeah it's like we're that we're we all it's like we

[2:22:59] were all auditioning to be dancers in a show and then roman was like okay well let me show you how

[2:23:04] that step's supposed to be done and then just like pulled it off so beautifully while reading a

[2:23:08] newspaper and it's like how did impossible yeah thank you so much for coming on the show and doing

[2:23:14] our job uh but now we need to say goodbye so i can get out of this hot room and roman can do

[2:23:21] important things and i don't know you guys can go uh do whatever the shit is that you do try and

[2:23:25] save my business yeah i'm gonna go do that oh okay uh try try and save my family like the titular

[2:23:31] stewart uh and i'd also no wait which one of you is saving elliot's family can't tell our voices

[2:23:38] apart now oh wow wow he's just he's just so in so hypnotized by rome and he doesn't know what's

[2:23:44] going on anymore uh well dan uh before we go i'd just like to thank everybody for listening in and

[2:23:49] let them and say hey if you have a chance to tweet or instagram or whatever about us go ahead and do

[2:23:53] so and i also want to give a special thanks to our editor jordan cowling who has her work cut

[2:23:58] out for her with this very long

[2:24:00] episode. Bye, everyone.

[2:24:02] Bye.

[2:24:05] Roman, your job is just to say four

[2:24:12] when the time arrives.

[2:24:14] Okay. One. Two.

[2:24:16] Three.

[2:24:17] Four. Five.

[2:24:20] Six.

[2:24:22] Four.

[2:24:23] What the? Why are you?

[2:24:26] I got distracted by something. You're the one who wants

[2:24:28] me to do two goddamn rounds we never do them immediately derail it we never do them i said

[2:24:33] i would do it long so i didn't believe you i didn't believe you maximum fun.org comedy and

[2:24:41] culture artist owned audience supported

Ep. #318 - Hudson Hawk, w/ Roman Mars

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