Ep. #325 - Fantasy Island

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Fantasy Island.

[0:04] You best start believing in Fantasy Island, dear listeners, because you're in one.

Dan McCoy

[0:11] You're in an island?

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:48] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] And this is Elliot Kalin. Big energy.

[0:54] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[0:56] Hey.

[0:56] What time of year is it, Dan?

[0:58] It is. I was going to ask you.

[1:00] I looked at the calendar and lo and behold, Shocktober is here.

[1:05] It feels like it's earlier every year.

[1:07] The time when we celebrate scares and spooks and thrills and chills and kills.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] Oh wow. Well, we'll find out.

[1:18] And sometimes the early Star Wars screenplay draft, Journal of the Wills.

[1:22] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:24] Yeah, it's our horror movie themed month.

[1:28] Unlike the early years of the Flophouse, which was every other movie was a horror movie.

[1:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34] Well, watch what you know. That's what they say, right?

[1:37] Yeah, we...

[1:37] Yep, that's exactly what they say.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39] Only partake in media that immediately fulfills your limited worldview is what they say, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46] That's why the entirety of my entertainment is the CCTV feed inside my own house.

[1:51] Wow.

[1:54] Sounds boring.

[1:54] Would you file that...

Stuart Wellington

[1:56] If you were stocking that movie in a blockbuster video, where would you put it, Elliot?

[2:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02] Sometimes in comedy.

[2:04] Sometimes in adults.

[2:05] Oh wow.

[2:07] Okay.

[2:08] I guess it can't be comedy all the time, you know?

[2:09] So...

[2:10] Very rarely in documentary, which is ironic.

[2:13] Are you watching...

[2:13] I don't know that is weird.

Dan McCoy

[2:14] Are you watching the feed while it's adults?

[2:16] Because I would argue you need to...

[2:17] You should probably be paying more attention to, you know, the matter at hand at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] Well, no.

[2:21] I'm a 21st century...

[2:22] No, no, no.

[2:22] I'm a 21st century millennial, so I live my life through screens.

[2:25] So I don't actually know if I'm being intimate with another human unless I'm seeing it happen through a screen at the same time.

[2:30] That's fair enough.

Stuart Wellington

[2:31] Okay, well...

[2:32] A very Patrick Bateman way of approaching life.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] Yeah, exactly.

[2:35] I saw American Psycho and I was like, yes, this guy understands.

[2:39] It's not his body that is experiencing these things that matters.

[2:43] It's the reflection of himself that other people can see that matters.

Stuart Wellington

[2:47] And Huey Lewis and the news is great.

[2:50] Fair enough.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] Well, this is where Patrick and I split ways.

[2:53] Alexa, play Huey Lewis and the news sports.

Dan McCoy

[2:57] That's for you, Jesse.

[3:00] Let's...

[3:00] I realize that I only explained one half, which is what we do this month, but not overall.

[3:05] Okay.

[3:06] Which is that we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:08] Or, you know, a presumed bad movie.

[3:10] We like to make up our own mind.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] Yeah, yeah.

[3:13] We're not sheeple.

[3:14] And so Shocktober is horror movies, right?

[3:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:16] And in this case, we watched a movie that was critically panned,

[3:19] but financially quite successful.

[3:21] It was a hit.

Dan McCoy

[3:22] And I think it...

[3:23] Like, this is...

[3:24] We watched Fantasy Island and I think it's a Blumhouse release.

[3:27] And I think it's instructive maybe to say a few words about Blumhouse off the top

[3:32] because I feel like...

[3:33] Sure.

[3:34] ...modern horror is kind of split into the Blumhouse thing or the A24 thing.

[3:39] And A24 is, you know, mostly all prestige, all the time, slow burn horror movies.

[3:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] Imagine a trailer with stark imagery.

[3:51] Yeah.

[3:51] Dollhouses.

[3:52] Winter.

[3:53] Mm-hmm.

[3:54] Sparse strings accompany these images.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] Heavy atmosphere.

[3:58] The A in A24 stands for atmosphere and 24 is the amount of atmosphere.

[4:02] Yeah.

[4:03] 24 hours a day.

Dan McCoy

[4:04] Roughly equal to the surface of Venus.

[4:07] Yes.

[4:08] And Blumhouse films, they sort of...

[4:10] They've become very successful.

[4:12] They started out, like, with a couple of franchises that were hugely successful, like...

[4:18] KFC.

[4:19] Paranormal Activity and The Purge were big for them.

[4:23] You know, these are movies that are sort of, like...

[4:25] A lot of their movies are based on a hook.

[4:28] And they've moved into more prestige-y horror...

[4:32] But not the movie hook.

[4:33] No, not the movie hook.

[4:34] Although that is a horror movie in many ways.

[4:38] What about Candyman?

[4:39] Candyman has a hook.

[4:40] Another hook based horror movie.

[4:42] Candyman does have a hook.

Elliott Kalan

[4:43] What about Dr. Hook?

[4:46] Dr. Hook?

[4:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:47] Yeah.

[4:48] Is that a...

[4:48] Yeah, musician Dr. Hook.

[4:49] Oh, okay.

[4:50] I'm not aware of that.

[4:51] The Hook by Blues Traveler?

Elliott Kalan

[4:52] Yeah, or the...

[4:53] Yeah, it does bring you back.

[4:54] Anyway, continue.

[4:55] Blumhouse is more the...

[4:57] They're more the William Castle type.

[5:00] Hey, we're gonna have a crazy idea that gets you in the door.

Dan McCoy

[5:01] Yeah, they're more the fun.

[5:02] I mean, like, they have...

[5:03] They've gotten into more prestige-y horror movies.

[5:05] Like, they released Get Out.

[5:07] But that's also, like, a glossy horror movie that, even though it's taking on serious issues,

[5:12] is more of, like...

[5:14] You're still gonna have, like, a fun, like, ride watching it as well.

[5:20] And...

[5:20] Dan McCoy raves about Get Out.

[5:22] A fun ride.

[5:23] Well, no, I don't wanna...

[5:24] I don't wanna be...

[5:25] It kind of is.

[5:26] I don't wanna be misconstrued, but it is...

[5:29] It is, like...

[5:29] Yeah, it is, like, both...

[5:31] Check your brain at the door, says Dan McCoy.

[5:32] It is both, as I said, both dealing with serious issues and a fun, enjoyable movie to watch.

[5:38] And the way...

[5:39] But, like, they do a lot of silly stuff.

[5:42] They did Happy Death Day, which I enjoyed a lot.

[5:45] But they also do, like, dumb things that are based on a hook.

[5:49] Like, Truth or Dare, for instance, which we watched for Shocktober in the past.

[5:53] And now we're watching...

[5:55] We watch Fantasy Island, which, of course is...

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Yeah, or Whiplash.

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:59] Fantasy Island...

[6:00] It was also a Blumhouse production.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] I feel like Blumhouse also...

[6:03] I don't mean to...

[6:05] I haven't checked all the budgets, but I feel like they have a tendency to do pretty small budget movies with the hope of, you know, a big return.

[6:12] Like, horror as a genre generally has been that in the past, right?

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:17] Where you can make a movie fairly cheaply, and if you get a hit, you make a ton of money back.

[6:22] And I feel like that's the Blumhouse model.

Elliott Kalan

[6:24] Horror has long been probably the second most profitable type of movie based on original investment.

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:31] After pornography, which is...

[6:34] But, like, it's been that way for, you know, 70 years or so, and Blumhouse has been riding that wave.

Dan McCoy

[6:41] Yeah, and they do a pretty good job of it, and this is another high-concept horror movie from them,

[6:47] wherein they take the, you know, the 70s light fantasy drama, television drama, Fantasy Island,

[6:57] and they have turned it into a horror movie with a sinister twist.

Stuart Wellington

[7:02] Uh-huh.

[7:02] Now, were you guys fans of the original television show that this is based on?

Dan McCoy

[7:06] I only know it culturally.

[7:08] Like, I know references to it.

[7:10] I don't know that I remember.

[7:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:10] See, Fantasy Island is a little before my time.

[7:13] I was a baby when it ended, or three years old when it ended.

[7:16] I've only ever seen one episode of it, which I saw in syndication, which involved...

[7:20] The only fantasies I remember from it are Don Adams from Get Smart was one of the guest stars.

[7:24] Okay.

[7:24] And he had a fantasy of wanting to...

[7:25] Not the cartoonist?

[7:27] Not the cartoonist.

[7:27] No, that's Don Martin.

[7:28] Jesus Christ.

[7:29] Yeah, that's not Don Martin.

[7:30] Not Mr. Flunblum.

[7:31] Oh, I look like such an asshole.

[7:34] You should feel that way.

[7:36] You should feel that way, and I'm glad you feel that way right now.

[7:38] Oh, my God.

[7:39] It was Don Adams.

Stuart Wellington

[7:39] But don't edit it out.

[7:40] Don't edit it.

[7:41] Leave it in.

[7:41] I need to feel this.

[7:42] No, no, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] Stuart needs to take his lumps.

[7:44] If I've been saying it for a long time, Stuart's finally going to get his when he gets his Don's mixed up.

[7:48] But, and it's not Don's the diner from my hometown that I used to go to visit and eventually close down.

[7:56] So, Don Adams, his fantasy was to be a World War I pilot, and he just walked through a door and was one.

[8:03] And it was kind of goofy.

[8:04] Like, that was supposed to be a goofy thing, because he's Don Adams.

[8:06] He's like, whoa, whoa, ah.

[8:07] It was like kind of a run through for Inspector Gadget in some ways.

[8:10] The other fantasy was that an old woman who was played by a young woman in makeup, and I don't remember this guest star.

[8:15] Because the idea of Fantasy Island was that guest stars would show up as characters.

[8:19] Yeah, like a love boat.

[8:20] And magically live out their fantasies from Magic Wishing Well.

[8:23] Her fantasy was that she would be young again for a day so she could have sex again with a man.

[8:28] Oh, wow.

[8:29] It was so, I think they couched it in terms of, like, love.

[8:32] But it was very clearly, like, she wants to be young again for a day so that she can be with men for as many men as possible in this day.

[8:39] And she does.

[8:40] They give her some kind of potion, and the old age makeup comes off, and she's just romancing dudes.

[8:45] Now, the other thing I remember is Daffy Duck's Fantasy Island.

[8:48] Yes, I remember that much better.

[8:50] It was Daffy Duck's repack movie.

[8:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:52] And was that Daffy Duck's fantasy as well?

[8:55] To become young again and romance some dudes?

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] Yes, exactly.

[8:58] It was Daffy Duck's fantasy to be young, which is crazy because he's already a cartoon duck.

[9:02] He's eternally young.

[9:04] And to finally get with Bugs.

[9:07] And it was pretty tender.

[9:08] The scene is very tender.

[9:09] Okay.

[9:10] And the saddest part is when Bugs and Daffy are, they're lying with each other in the afterglow,

[9:15] and Daffy realizes that he finally achieved his fantasy, but that's all it's ever going to be.

[9:19] And Bugs Bunny kind of disappears in his arms, and Daffy runs into Bugs the next day at work,

[9:24] and Bugs is like, what's wrong, Daffy?

[9:25] And Daffy's like, I got my dream come true.

[9:28] And it's just like a bittersweet moment.

[9:30] So that was actually a very beautiful movie.

[9:31] It's weird.

Stuart Wellington

[9:31] I never really got that vibe from those two guys that they had feelings for each other,

[9:36] but I guess that's a subtext that I just didn't pick up on as a kid.

[9:39] I mean, that kind of shows you that sometimes, depending on how old you are or your life experiences,

[9:44] you experience things differently.

[9:45] Well, it also depends on the Looney Tunes director.

Elliott Kalan

[9:47] In Frizz Freelings cartoons, they were super straight.

[9:49] In Chuck Jones cartoons, they were clearly into each other.

[9:51] Yeah.

[9:53] So let's talk about Blumhouse's Fantasy Islands, too.

Stuart Wellington

[9:56] Okay.

[9:56] So, yeah, I'm going to be driving this car, and in order to do that, I need to pull up my notes.

[10:02] Now, I do have to point out that when I pull up my notes, luckily, it's going to hide the Skype screen,

[10:06] so I don't have to be constantly distracted that Dan and Elliot are wearing the exact same T-shirt.

[10:12] They are very similar, but they're not the exact same.

[10:14] It's exactly the same size and everything.

Dan McCoy

[10:17] No, no.

[10:18] I've got a V-neck.

[10:19] His is a crew neck.

[10:21] Elliot's stripes are fatter.

[10:23] I've got, like, thin white stripes.

Stuart Wellington

[10:27] Yep, that is the two types of podcaster.

Dan McCoy

[10:29] Yeah, we both have blue and white horizontal stripes on.

[10:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:34] So we open on an island resort where a woman is running in terror.

[10:40] She runs into what seems to be, like, the office of this island resort.

[10:46] She is frightened, and she is worried that she has been abducted by some masked goons.

[10:52] And she picks up the phone, and the person on the other end tries to reassure her, but then knows her name.

[10:59] So that's, you know, that sticks the knife in a little bit.

[11:02] Not literally, you know, figuratively.

[11:04] And the goons show up, drag her away, and we see on the desk a name placard, Mr. Rourke.

[11:12] Uh-oh.

[11:13] That's Mr. Rourke from the TV show of the same name, played famously by Ricardo Montalban.

Elliott Kalan

[11:19] What?

[11:19] The TV show Fantasy Island, you mean.

[11:21] The same name as the movie.

[11:22] Not the same.

[11:23] The TV show wasn't called Mr. Rourke.

Stuart Wellington

[11:25] It wasn't called Mr. Rourke?

[11:26] No.

[11:27] It could have been.

[11:29] So, and he was played by Ricardo Montalban in the TV show, as you will see later.

[11:35] Not the movie.

[11:36] So, later or earlier, we don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] I'm glad you pointed that out, that they didn't reanimate Ricardo Montalban for the film.

Stuart Wellington

[11:43] Yeah, so later or earlier, you know, it's not super clear.

[11:46] We are at the same island.

[11:48] It is daytime.

[11:49] A plane is arriving bearing, what is it, four, five, five attractive 30-somethings.

[11:57] Who have won a VIP contest to be guests at Fantasy Island.

[12:02] That's the official name.

[12:03] A mysterious island resort that is, you know, is rumored about, talked about on the internet,

[12:10] where you can get, your wildest dreams can come true.

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:13] The resort appears to be like a fairly normal, upscale island resort.

[12:19] It's a little overstaffed.

[12:20] It's a little over-decorated.

[12:22] Okay.

[12:22] But it also feels oddly empty at times.

[12:24] You know, it's that kind of, it's going for that perfect sweet spot.

[12:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:28] I really like, keep reviewing it.

[12:29] Keep reviewing it, Sue.

Dan McCoy

[12:30] I want to know your full review of the resort.

[12:32] How do the cocktails that they talk a lot about later look?

[12:36] What do you think about that?

Stuart Wellington

[12:36] They talk, I would say they look pretty delicious.

[12:41] I would imagine they're overpriced.

[12:43] But it could be all-inclusive.

[12:45] They don't really cover it, since they've won a contest to be here.

[12:47] So, I'm guessing everything.

[12:48] Do they win a contest?

Dan McCoy

[12:50] Is that how it was explained?

[12:51] Because I missed that part, and then there's like later revelations where I'm like, well,

[12:54] how do these people know about Fantasy Island?

[12:56] But we'll-

Stuart Wellington

[12:57] Yeah, they won a contest.

[12:59] I'm guessing they, I'm sure they mentioned it at the beginning where they like, I don't

[13:03] know, like hit like on an Instagram or something.

[13:06] And everybody, and then like a letter came in the mail or came in their inbox.

[13:11] I don't know.

[13:12] It was the old hit the monkey pop-up ad.

[13:15] Uh-huh.

[13:16] So, we are introduced to our cast of characters.

[13:19] We have a pair of brothers who are also kind of bros, played by Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O.

[13:25] Yang.

[13:25] They are JD and Brax.

Dan McCoy

[13:28] Now, you might recognize, now Ryan Hansen, of course, was Dick Casablanca on Veronica Mars.

[13:35] He was also in Party Down, playing kind of a similar doofus.

[13:39] And Jimmy Yang is, he's from Silicon Valley, is probably where most people might know him.

Stuart Wellington

[13:47] Yeah, I think he's a stand-up.

[13:48] And also, the two of them played, the two of them played like business partners in another

[13:53] movie recently.

[13:54] So, I guess they're just on a hot streak.

[13:56] Yeah.

[13:56] They were in, what, Like a Boss, I think was the movie.

[14:00] Oh, okay.

[14:00] Now, what kind of name is Brax?

Elliott Kalan

[14:04] They keep calling him Brax.

[14:05] And I'm like, so is he a G.I.

[14:07] Joe bad guy?

[14:07] Like, what's going on?

[14:08] I don't understand.

[14:09] I've never heard the name Brax before.

Dan McCoy

[14:11] Well, his brother keeps calling him T, which will turn out to be quite significant later

[14:17] on.

Stuart Wellington

[14:18] It's a real mystery.

[14:20] Yeah.

[14:20] I think he calls him T.

[14:22] I mean, I don't want to spoil anything, but I also don't remember the movie.

[14:25] I'm assuming he's calling him T because he got that liar, liar disease where he can only

[14:30] tell the truth.

Elliott Kalan

[14:32] We'll find out if I'm right later on.

Stuart Wellington

[14:34] Okay.

[14:34] So, we also have-

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] Tell him T in this Fantasy Island reboot.

[14:41] Yep.

[14:42] And you'll find out in the middle of the show whether you're right or not.

Stuart Wellington

[14:44] So, we also have Melanie, played by resident pretty little liar, Lucy Hale.

[14:51] And she's kind of like a damaged, mysterious young woman.

[14:55] We have Gwen, played by Maggie Q, who is kind of regretful and skeptical.

[15:02] And then we have Patrick, who is a cop who wants to be a soldier, played by Austin Stowell.

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] Now, this is- we have a couple of Flophouse doubles here.

[15:14] This is- because we did Live Free or Die Hard, right?

[15:17] Uh, maybe?

[15:19] We did a good day to Die Hard.

[15:22] Never mind.

[15:22] So, she's not a Flophouse double, but the director of this movie did direct Truth or Dare.

[15:26] Yeah, which I believe also had Lucy Hale in it.

Dan McCoy

[15:28] I'm not- I'm not sure about that, but I think that she is in the Blumhouse stable.

[15:32] Yes, she was in it.

[15:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:34] So, this is a- this is a- so, Lucy Hale and the director, uh, Jeff Wadlow.

[15:38] I wonder if he's related to Robert Wadlow, the tallest man in recorded history, eight foot,

[15:42] eleven and a half inches tall.

[15:43] But I- but I don't know.

[15:45] I don't have it in my notes, so you could be right.

[15:47] I'm gonna do some research on that, but there- there's some Flophouse repeats.

[15:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:51] Uh-huh.

[15:51] So, we- you know, we get to introduce to our gang, and then hiding off in the bushes,

[15:55] that's right, there's an extra person on this island, that's Michael Rooker.

[16:00] And I was like, hell yeah, Michael Rooker's in this.

[16:03] Uh, he's not in it much, though, so every scant Michael Rooker moment is a treat for you.

[16:08] Hold on to those.

[16:09] Clutch them close to your chest.

[16:11] Now-

[16:11] Everyone has a Michael Rooker moment.

[16:13] Yeah.

[16:14] The- the- they talk a little bit about the island as they're being, you know, like, ushered around

[16:19] by, uh, island, uh, by the, um, resort staff, uh, that the island supposedly-

[16:24] Oh, hold on a second.

[16:25] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] I hate to say, we have another double, because I- I forgot that Ryan Hansen is also in the

[16:30] Friday the 13th remake, which we did on the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[16:32] So-

[16:33] Okay, well, that was worth the interruption.

[16:35] So, uh, the- the island, uh, promises a unique fantasy experience tailored to each guest.

[16:43] Uh, they are all immediately skeptical, uh, particularly Gwen, uh, and then she looks in a mirror and

[16:49] sees a ghost.

[16:50] So, I guess that's what her fantasy is.

[16:52] Uh-

Elliott Kalan

[16:53] If Hallie was on Fantasy Island, then she would be like, I did it, I saw a ghost, time

[16:57] to go home.

Stuart Wellington

[16:57] Yeah, time to take that, uh, that- that plane with the little, uh, inflatable things on

[17:03] the feet, uh, back- back- back, uh, home.

[17:05] I think it's just called a hydroplane.

[17:07] That's what- they're not called planes with inflatable feet?

Elliott Kalan

[17:10] I don't think they're inflatable.

[17:11] The plane with inflatable feet.

[17:13] Then how does it float, Elliot?

[17:14] They're just hollow.

[17:16] What?

[17:17] Like, not everything that floats is inflatable.

[17:19] But is there air in there?

[17:20] Is it like a-

[17:21] Yes.

[17:22] A pontoon?

[17:23] Is that what it is?

[17:23] A pontoon?

[17:24] Yeah, let's call it a pontoon.

[17:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] So, uh, yeah, I mean, we- we get all these characters kind of sketched out.

[17:32] Uh, they talk about- they're all, like, speculating as to how the island is going to achieve their

[17:36] fantasies.

[17:37] Somebody suggests LARPing, and you know what?

[17:40] LARPing's pretty cool, guys.

[17:41] I would have to say that in the last year or two, probably the two most rewarding, uh, gaming

[17:46] experiences I've personally had were involved in LARPs.

[17:49] I mean, this was obviously pre-COVID, but man, yeah, LARPing, all about it.

[17:53] Okay, so, uh-

Elliott Kalan

[17:55] One other thing that we learn about this island, you don't tip the waitstaff.

Stuart Wellington

[17:59] Yeah, you don't tip the waitstaff.

[18:00] I mean, that's- that's not that big of a surprise for an all-inclusive place, Elliot.

[18:03] I mean, it certainly isn't worth mentioning in your review of Fantasy Island.

[18:08] Not the movie, I'm talking about the-

Elliott Kalan

[18:10] No, no, when I write it up on Yelp, I'm going to mention that I- I was made to feel a little,

[18:13] uh, uncomfortable when the-

[18:16] When the- when my, uh, attendant at the hotel, when my, uh, what are they called?

[18:20] The guys who help you with your-

[18:21] When-

[18:21] A bellhop?

[18:22] Bellhop, thank you.

[18:23] When the- I mean, it's- they didn't really have a bell and they didn't hop, so it's not

[18:26] a great name.

[18:27] But when the bellhop, uh, said, no, we don't accept tips, he said it with that kind of condescending,

[18:32] like, ugh, don't give me money.

[18:33] Okay.

[18:34] And I was- I would have been writing up in my review, I was offended by that.

[18:36] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[18:36] We just- we just arrived on this island, guys.

[18:38] Let's, uh, let's keep moving.

Stuart Wellington

[18:40] Sure.

[18:41] Yep.

[18:42] So, uh, the host, uh, the guy who runs this place, Mr. Rourke shows up and at this point

[18:46] everybody is like, oh man, something bad happened in his office earlier.

[18:50] That's right.

[18:51] Now, Mr. Rourke is played by Michael Peña, uh, a performer who normally has quite a bit

[18:55] of charisma.

[18:56] Here he has decided to forget it.

[18:58] Uh, wow.

[19:00] Wow.

[19:00] No, I mean, it's- Michael Peña is a great actor, but I feel like they had him play it

[19:05] down, which seems strange because, like, I mean, you're inevitably going to compare him

[19:10] to a performer like Ricardo Montalban, who, let's- generally plays it fairly big.

Elliott Kalan

[19:15] Yeah.

[19:15] Well, they're telling him, I think, to play it mysterious.

[19:17] Yeah.

[19:18] Uh, and Ricardo Montalban was literally providing good fantasies to people.

[19:23] Yeah.

[19:23] So he didn't have to pretend that he had secrets to hold onto.

[19:25] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[19:26] I mean, but even those good fantasies, part of the whole idea of that show was that they

[19:30] would, uh, you know, introduce a- they would give you your fantasy and then you'd realize,

[19:34] oh, maybe that wasn't what I wanted after all.

[19:37] Yes.

[19:37] So there was kind of a dark side.

[19:38] So it wasn't, you know, whatever.

[19:40] Uh, so Mr. Rourke shows up, explains that they are going to experience their fantasy after

[19:44] a good night's rest, but not so fast.

[19:45] And he takes JD and Brax off right away and takes them to a crazy party at, like, a separate

[19:51] beach house that's kind of like the MTV beach house.

[19:54] Uh, there's, like, jet ski stunts.

[19:56] And they kind of just enjoy this fantasy.

[19:58] Their fantasy seems to be about being, like, rich and famous.

[20:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:01] And, uh, I don't know the specific- I can't remember the specific wording and I didn't

[20:05] write it down.

Dan McCoy

[20:05] They said that their fantasy was to have it all.

[20:07] And so I guess to have it all means they just have, like, a mansion with a pool with a

[20:12] bunch of attractive people around and they, like, smoke pot and there's a DJ and stuff.

[20:17] And Drax, they make a point, like-

[20:19] It's Brax.

[20:20] Brax, sorry.

[20:21] Drax the Destroyer.

[20:22] Drax is from another planet, yeah.

[20:25] Brax, they, uh, Brax is gay, which is, uh, uh, reiterated several times.

[20:32] Uh, it- it- the- the main way that they, like, make this a thing is by just saying it a lot.

[20:39] Um, which is fine.

[20:41] Like, I don't need him to, like-

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] But it's never, like, it's never a punchline, which surprised me.

[20:46] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[20:46] I- I was- what I was gonna say is, like, other than, like, uh, addressing it in, like, the

[20:52] most, like, straightforwardly obvious way, like, I kinda like these two characters and

[20:58] their relationship.

[20:59] Like, this very bro-y guy, like, loves his brother so much, is, like, totally accepting

[21:04] of him.

[21:05] They're, like, best friends.

[21:07] And they're, like, you know, like, they just- they carry good vibes around them.

[21:10] They're a little- they're a little dumb.

[21:12] Their- their fantasy is a little basic, but, uh, but they're good guys.

Stuart Wellington

[21:16] But we also, over time, we learn that they- they have a difficult family life, and that

[21:20] their parents have basically disowned, uh, Brax because of his sexuality.

[21:25] Yeah.

[21:25] And that, deep down, uh, there's a feeling of, uh, I think there's a little bit of resentment

[21:31] that JD has that Brax is holding him back.

[21:33] Uh, or I could be mixing up who's being held back by whom.

[21:37] Uh, so there is a little bit of a dark side behind this, uh, glossy exterior.

[21:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:42] It's also possible that they got the fantasy wrong, because if they said their fantasy is

[21:45] to have it all, maybe they just meant a satisfying career and a fulfilling family life.

[21:50] Mm-hmm.

[21:51] Uh, what's that like, Elliot?

[21:53] I- I'll tell- I'll tell you when I get it.

[21:55] Oh, cool.

[21:57] Uh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:58] I think you need to watch a little movie called Baby Boom.

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] I don't want to watch a movie about exploding babies, Sam.

[22:04] That sounds terrifying.

Stuart Wellington

[22:06] I, however, would, uh, sit in a movie theater right now, COVID be damned, to watch babies

[22:11] explode.

[22:12] Wow.

[22:12] Uh, yeah, I would mask off and everything.

[22:17] I want to experience the whole exploding baby experience, because it's going to be 4D,

[22:21] right, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[22:22] I mean, it's got to be 4D, because it has, uh, depth, uh, width, and height, and time.

[22:29] So, yeah, it's a 4D movie.

Stuart Wellington

[22:32] Perfect.

[22:32] So, uh, on to the next fantasy.

[22:34] Uh, Mr. Rourke interviews, uh, Gwen to get kind of a better understanding of her fantasy.

[22:39] She says she wants a do-over, she has regrets, she wishes she had a family.

[22:44] So, what he offers her is he takes her back in time to a restaurant where she had been

[22:50] proposed to by her then-boyfriend, Alan, and at the time, she had turned him down.

[22:56] But this time, she can choose whether or not she wants a do-over.

[23:00] Yeah.

[23:00] Uh, and she's skeptical the whole time, and it is, like, this is the first time where the

[23:06] island actually gets, like, magical.

[23:08] Yes.

[23:08] Because they go through a doorway, and then they're immediately in a, I would say, a,

[23:15] what looks to be, like, a medium-expensive restaurant.

Dan McCoy

[23:19] Uh, upper-mid-range, yeah.

[23:22] That's what I would say.

[23:23] Oh, yeah, upper-mid-range, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:25] Um, and, yeah.

[23:26] Not a greasy spoon.

[23:27] Uh, so, so she's gonna have this fantasy.

[23:30] She talks to Alan.

[23:31] She realizes that she messed up, and that she, this time, when he proposes to her, you know,

[23:35] it takes her a little while to accept that she's, like, this is actually happening, and

[23:39] he's not, like, an actor, and that he wasn't, like, tricked or whatever, and that he's the

[23:42] same age he was when he proposed to her years ago.

[23:45] I guess it was five years ago.

[23:47] And they, uh, so she accepts his proposal.

[23:50] They're very happy.

[23:52] Uh, and when she wakes up in the morning, not only is it five years later, and Alan has

[23:56] aged exactly five years, but they also have a daughter.

[24:00] She has everything she wanted.

[24:02] Now, I...

[24:03] Finally.

Elliott Kalan

[24:03] There are a couple things I want to say about these.

[24:05] She has it all.

[24:06] Her fantasy to have it all came true.

[24:08] Uh-huh.

[24:09] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[24:10] There are a couple things that I wanted to say about this.

[24:12] Number one, like...

[24:13] Wouldn't...

[24:14] Why, why, why?

[24:15] Number one, the thing is, uh, that, um, this is one of those things in movies that happens

[24:20] a lot where everyone disbelieves...

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] Where a fantasy island makes someone's dream come true?

[24:25] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[24:26] Uh, where, no, where everyone disbelieves the magic for a long time.

[24:29] And the thing is, like, if you were in that situation...

[24:31] Yeah.

[24:32] If you were in that situation, you certainly would.

[24:34] You would be like, okay, wait, I'm...

[24:35] There's no way I'm back in time.

[24:36] This must be Alan.

[24:38] They flew him out.

[24:39] Like, they go through that whole thing.

[24:40] So you have to be kind of patient with that.

[24:42] But you, as a moviegoer, is like, no, I'm coming to see fucking Fantasy Island.

[24:46] I know that this is a magic island.

[24:48] Let's just get on with it.

[24:49] Yeah.

[24:49] Uh, and also, like, when she wakes up at the second morning, I'm like, okay, well, this

[24:53] is great and all.

[24:54] I understand why I have to do this for plot reasons, but she had to skip both her wedding

[24:58] and the birth of her child in this leap forward in time.

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] When she sees her...

[25:04] I think at one point she looks at her phone and then she, like, experiences all...

[25:08] She looks at her phone and there's a whole bunch of pictures from all of those experiences

[25:11] on there.

[25:12] But the weird thing is, as soon as she looks at a picture, we then get, like, a video flashback.

[25:18] And I'm like, is that a video on her phone?

[25:21] Or is that going on in her brain?

[25:23] Like, it's implanting memories?

Elliott Kalan

[25:24] It must be a video on the phone because it has a filter on it that makes it look like

[25:27] it's from the 70s.

[25:29] And that's not when this is happening, so why would her memories look like that?

[25:32] Is that Valencia?

[25:33] It feels like it is a...

[25:35] It's the old story of the memories kind of flooding into her mind in that moment.

[25:41] All in one...

[25:42] In that moment, she has always lived that life, and so she's remembering all of it.

[25:45] The same way that someone would tell you that since dinosaurs are just a trick to try to

[25:51] get us to not believe in the existence of God, that when God created the Earth, he created

[25:54] a fake past for the Earth that had real fake dinosaurs in it and so forth.

[25:58] It's kind of like that.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] It's kind of like how when we used to record episodes, I would get so drunk that I would

[26:05] listen to the episode, and then I would have the memories of recording it would flood back

[26:09] into my brain.

[26:09] See, that happens to me now anyway.

Dan McCoy

[26:13] Like, without the booze, I'm like, what?

[26:15] We said that?

Elliott Kalan

[26:17] But this reminded me a lot of the end of Time Cop, where Time Cop comes home and has a

[26:21] wife and child, and he's like, uh, I better learn this kid's name quick.

Stuart Wellington

[26:27] Yeah, I mean, I figured he'd just keep doing those jumping splits, and people wouldn't

[26:32] really worry about it.

[26:33] It distracts them?

[26:34] Man, those fucking splits, man.

[26:36] Look at those cheeks and those little shorts he's wearing.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] He just calls his kid Chi for sport.

[26:42] Yeah, big guy.

[26:43] And it's like, do you know my name, Dad?

[26:45] Jump split.

[26:45] Look at this.

[26:46] Oh!

[26:46] And his wife is like, can you please keep your dirty feet off the kitchen counters?

[26:50] I know you can do those jump splits.

[26:52] And then finally, it's his son's wedding day, and he has to give the toast, and he's like,

[26:57] to my wonderful son.

[27:01] And he realizes at that moment he's never known his son's name, and his son realizes at that

[27:04] moment that his dad's never known his name, and there's only one thing he can do.

[27:07] It's a jump split.

[27:08] Can he do it?

[27:09] It's 20 years later.

[27:11] His child's getting married.

[27:12] Can he pull it off?

[27:13] Let me tell you.

[27:14] He's JCVD, so of course he can.

[27:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:16] And you see that full realization on his son's face.

[27:19] A son that is still, at this point in this bit, unnamed.

[27:23] A son who realizes his father doesn't know his name, and he goes through the full well

[27:27] of emotion until he realizes his father's just going to do jump splits now.

[27:31] And you know what?

[27:32] God damn it.

[27:33] He wants to see those jump splits.

[27:35] He still wants his dad to win.

Elliott Kalan

[27:36] Sometimes all you can get from your dad, it can't be love, it can't be acknowledgement,

[27:41] but you can get jump splits.

[27:42] And sometimes, just sometimes, that's enough.

[27:45] Hi, I'm Emily Kalin for the Jump Split Council.

[27:47] You know, most Americans go through their lives never witnessing a jump split in person or experiencing

[27:52] a jump split.

[27:53] Maybe, maybe we can make a difference.

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] Now that we've talked about jump splits, although that has nothing to do with Gwen's fantasy,

[28:00] we're now on to Patrick's fantasy.

[28:01] Patrick is a police officer whose fantasy has always been to be a soldier.

[28:08] He wears...

Dan McCoy

[28:09] Which seems like a not uncommon fantasy for police officers these days.

[28:12] A little on the nose fantasy, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[28:16] So he, and he even wears a pair of dog tags around his neck.

[28:21] And he is taken away, he's whisked away by Mr. Rourke, and taken to the jungle, where he is given a pack of supplies,

[28:29] and he gets to live out his fantasy of being a soldier.

[28:32] He is immediately accosted by a wild-haired Michael Rooker, who spouts some gibberish,

[28:38] and then runs off, and you're like, no, come back!

Dan McCoy

[28:42] Yawn, dude!

Stuart Wellington

[28:44] And then...

[28:45] Henry!

[28:46] Yeah, he's back.

Dan McCoy

[28:48] Guy from Slither!

[28:50] Grant, I think. Grant was his name in Slither. Anyway, let's go.

Stuart Wellington

[28:57] He then gets picked up by a squad of soldiers who don't seem to be playing around,

[29:03] and they, I guess, kidnap him, capture him, and take him to another group of soldiers,

[29:10] led by a lieutenant, and that lieutenant, we find out, is his father.

[29:15] A father that died when he was very young.

[29:18] And there's a lot of the two of them, kind of, it takes ungodly long for the two of them to figure out,

[29:25] this is what's going on, he's his son, it's years later.

[29:29] His father died on this very specific mission in Venezuela.

[29:33] It took me a little while to figure out where they were going to be at, but, like, did they, are these,

[29:39] still at this point, I don't really understand, are these all actors?

[29:42] Are they made out of, like, mud and the black oil that I'm going to talk about later?

[29:47] Like, I don't know what's going on.

[29:48] So, he talks to his dad.

[29:50] It's a fantasy island, Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[29:51] You're right, you're right.

[29:51] It's an island with fantasies.

[29:54] So, an island with fantasies is a different thing.

[29:59] That's like, it's like that Pixar short Lava or whatever,

[30:03] where the island is fantasizing about having, you know, a romantic partner.

Elliott Kalan

[30:08] I guess you're right, that stems between a fantasy island and an island fantasy.

[30:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] So, Patrick at this point is starting to realize there might be a dark side to being a soldier.

Elliott Kalan

[30:17] So, we're going to move on to...

[30:19] He's like, I should have gone to Temptation Island.

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] Yeah.

[30:22] We're going to move on to our...

[30:23] The problem is his temptation is also to go be a soldier because he's a police officer.

Elliott Kalan

[30:28] So, there are all these couples trying to hook up with each other on Temptation Island,

[30:32] and he's, like, putting them in headlocks and, like, interrogating them and stuff,

[30:35] and they're like, stop it, stop.

Stuart Wellington

[30:37] So, we then move to our fourth fantasy, and that is Melanie, who goes down an elevator.

[30:44] Already, you're like, what kind of fantasy is this?

[30:47] And she goes down, and she's in, like, a control room, and there's...

[30:52] She finds behind the control, there's, like, a mirrored glass, and the lights come on,

[30:57] and she sees her childhood tormentor, who we had learned in a previous bit of exposition,

[31:03] a childhood tormentor who had found her, like, letters she had written to her therapist,

[31:08] and then published those letters burn book style all over the school, thus ruining her life.

[31:15] Well, close, close.

Dan McCoy

[31:17] Close.

[31:18] It was close?

[31:19] No, she, well, she...

[31:21] This bully had tormented her in a number of ways, including dumping toilet water on her during the prom.

[31:26] I'm not really sure how that was done.

[31:29] It seems like collecting toilet water to dump on someone is his own punishment.

[31:33] But then...

Elliott Kalan

[31:34] You take, Dan, you take a bucket, you take a ladle, you go from toilet to toilet.

[31:38] It's not that difficult.

[31:39] I don't want to put that much effort into it.

Stuart Wellington

[31:41] I think you, well, you pay a plumber to redirect the waste pipes above a specific spot.

[31:48] You mark that spot with an X, or maybe, like, a picture of a toilet.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] But then...

[31:52] You've got to make sure that he puts a valve in there, too, so you can control the opening and closing of it,

[31:55] so it only goes on the person you want it to go on.

[31:58] But, yes.

[31:58] Step two, rigging the prom queen election.

[32:02] Now, this is more difficult, and the plumber is not going to help you that much with it.

[32:05] You're going to need to get William Catt to help you do that.

Dan McCoy

[32:09] No, the other thing was, though, her therapist told her to write letters to her classmates

[32:15] telling them, like, what she wanted to say to them because she felt so isolated.

[32:21] And then these were found and posted, and, like, her...

[32:24] She also hated her therapist because, like, he was...

[32:27] I forget how he was bad, but he was also awful.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] She called him Dr. Torture for some reason.

[32:33] Unless that was just his name, like Victor Von Doom.

[32:37] Maybe he was just Dr. Victor Torture.

Stuart Wellington

[32:39] So Melanie enters this control room.

[32:42] This is one of my favorite parts of the movie is when she pulls out her phone.

[32:45] She's, like, going to record this.

[32:46] She starts talking to her phone, and in the middle of her narration,

[32:50] she then hits record on her phone.

[32:52] So was she recording before that, or did she just start her video?

[32:57] Yeah.

[32:57] Like, what the fuck are you doing?

Dan McCoy

[32:58] That is listed on the goofs section of IMDb, I found.

[33:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:03] I rushed over there first so I could be like,

[33:06] I must be the first person to have noticed this flub,

[33:09] and then I was disappointed to find out I was not.

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:12] Late to the game.

[33:13] That's me.

Dan McCoy

[33:14] Also, later on, like, as we will see in the synopsis,

[33:17] like, she will be, you know, like, running around with this bully,

[33:23] and the big tension is whether the bully will find out that she was the tormentor.

[33:29] And I felt for sure, like, oh, okay, she took that video.

[33:32] That has to be a plot point, right?

[33:34] Like, the bully's going to see this video, and, like, the video does not figure into anything.

[33:39] So.

Stuart Wellington

[33:40] No, it just shows, it's a way for people to connect with Melanie,

[33:43] because they're like, I like making videos.

[33:45] I'm a tormentor.

[33:46] Yeah.

[33:47] But not the song by Skinny Puppy, which rules.

[33:50] So, she immediately assumes that this woman that is tied up behind Glass,

[33:59] played by Portia Doubleday, I don't remember her name,

[34:02] that she's a hologram?

[34:04] Sloan, I think, is her name.

[34:06] Yeah, she keeps talking about how she's a great hologram,

[34:08] which, I guess, that feels like a leap.

[34:11] I mean, I would just assume that the whole Glass was a screen.

Dan McCoy

[34:14] I mean, especially after she does the first thing,

[34:17] which is push a button and dump some toilet water on her,

[34:20] because the water would go right through a hologram.

[34:23] It might be hologram water, Dan.

[34:23] I don't know a lot about science, but.

[34:25] Hologram water.

Elliott Kalan

[34:26] Dan is hologram water.

[34:27] Oh, it's hologram?

[34:28] They can make hologram water now.

[34:29] I see.

[34:30] Because you remember there was that.

[34:31] They mentioned a couple times the hologram of Tupac

[34:33] that appeared at, what, the Vatican?

[34:35] At the College of Cardinals?

[34:37] And they poured hologram toilet water on that hologram also.

Stuart Wellington

[34:41] It seems disrespectful.

[34:42] So, she decides to torture this hologram.

[34:44] She uses, like, electricity.

[34:47] There's, like, shock things in the, like, little shockers in the armrests.

[34:53] Yeah.

[34:53] She pours toilet water all over her.

[34:55] As mentioned.

[34:57] Then she gets the opportunity to post a damning video on Sloane's Facebook.

[35:02] And then she gets to watch Sloane's husband watch this video of Sloane cheating.

[35:07] It's pretty wild.

[35:08] And that's when she realizes, you know what?

[35:10] Maybe getting revenge like this is not cool.

[35:13] And this isn't a hologram.

[35:14] Maybe my actions actually have consequences.

[35:17] So, we're really, this is really leaning in.

[35:19] This almost immediately goes into, this fantasy is actually bad.

[35:24] This fantasy is a nightmare.

[35:25] And around then is when.

Elliott Kalan

[35:26] The movie takes a pretty harsh fantasies of torturing people are bad.

[35:30] Yep.

[35:31] Perspective.

[35:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:32] So, the door in Sloane's room bursts open.

[35:35] And we see a guy.

[35:38] Well, we see Dr. Torture show up.

[35:40] He's, like, a doctor with his sleeves ripped off.

[35:43] He looks like, he looks like the dude who runs around the stage at an exhumed concert.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] It was like an 80s WWF one-off character.

[35:53] It is 100% an 80s WWF character.

[35:54] Let's try this guy.

[35:55] He's Dr. Torture and he knows all of, he's got an MD in pain.

[35:59] And then decided, he doesn't work.

[36:01] Never mind.

[36:01] Forget it.

Stuart Wellington

[36:02] Yeah.

[36:03] So, and it looks like he's going to torture Sloane.

[36:07] And then Melanie uses the previously established shocking thing and water to electrocute Dr. Torture

[36:15] and incapacitate him for the time being.

[36:17] And then she breaks Sloane free.

[36:19] She comes up with a ruse that they are, she has been kidnapped as well.

[36:24] And just to remind everybody that Sloane was the woman who was running in terror at the very beginning of the movie.

[36:31] It took me a little while to figure out.

[36:33] I'm not smart.

Dan McCoy

[36:34] I immediately forget what happens in those, like, sort of prelude scenes in this sort of movie.

[36:42] I'm not, like, particularly interested in puzzling together the complex web of Fantasy Island.

[36:50] I'm just like, ugh, that's not important.

[36:52] Someone was running.

[36:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:53] The two pieces of this puzzle.

Stuart Wellington

[36:55] Yeah.

[36:55] They were like, eh.

[36:56] Someone did this for me.

[36:57] It was like when we were watching Get Out together, Dan, and I leaned over and I'm like,

[37:00] that's the guy from the beginning.

[37:02] That's Lakeith Stanfield.

[37:04] He's very famous now.

[37:07] Yeah.

[37:09] Okay.

[37:09] So, now let's see.

[37:12] Yeah.

[37:13] Now, so at this point, all the fantasies start to take a dark turn.

[37:17] Brax and JD, they're hanging out at their beach house.

[37:22] Then all of a sudden, like, a bunch of mercenaries show up wearing masks and guns, and they start

[37:27] just blasting everybody.

[37:29] Mercenaries are led by Kim Coates from Sons of Anarchy.

[37:32] It's nice to see him getting some work.

[37:35] And they get captured.

[37:37] They don't, they had previously found an escape, what is it, not an escape room, although,

[37:42] you know, it kind of is an escape room.

[37:44] They find a panic room, and they find a room with hidden weapons in their amazing villa.

[37:50] All their, the models that they were partying with go hide in the panic room, but they get

[37:55] left outside, and they get, they start to get interrogated by these mercenaries, and they,

[38:01] their friendship, I guess, is tested.

Dan McCoy

[38:03] Well, these mercenaries think that they're, like, they've hidden, like, money and drugs,

[38:08] because they have it all, because, like, this mansion is a drug mansion, at which point,

[38:13] at which point, Audrey, who has a inexplicable to me love of the Brendan Fraser version of Bedazzled,

[38:20] was like, they stole this from Bedazzled, where he, like, wishes to be rich, and it turns out

[38:25] he's rich because he's a drug lord.

[38:27] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[38:29] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:30] It's the great cosmic scales, you know, that's how, that's how everything balances.

[38:34] It's the only way to do it.

[38:34] If you want something, you're taking something from someone else.

[38:37] That is, it is a zero-sum game in this world, Dan.

[38:40] That's capitalism.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] It's, the, uh, they're saying, this, this mansion belongs to a big drug lord.

[38:45] You must have killed him and stolen it.

[38:47] And it just seems like a real loose reading of their fantasy, to have it go that way.

[38:52] Much like the Bedazzled Wish.

[38:53] Yeah.

[38:54] It seems like Mr. O'Rourke, or the island, whoever makes the decisions,

[38:57] is really taking the gray area of that fantasy and filling it in with things that he knows

[39:02] they are not going to be interested in.

[39:04] Yeah.

[39:05] So, one of the-

[39:06] I also had a question about Sons of Anarchy.

[39:08] I didn't see that show, but did it end with the main character having a baby,

[39:12] and then being like, I guess I'm a dad of anarchy now,

[39:14] and putting his bike in the garage because he has responsibilities now?

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] Elliot, I mean, while Family plays an incredibly large part in the Sons of Anarchy universe,

[39:23] that show has one of the dumbest endings of all time.

[39:28] It does feature multiple, like, slow versions of classic rock songs,

[39:33] some of which are sung by Married with Children alum, what's her name?

[39:38] Katie Seagal.

[39:39] Katie Seagal.

[39:39] Thank you.

[39:40] Oh, wow.

[39:41] Wife of the showrunner, Kurt Sutter.

[39:43] And it has-

[39:46] Oh, God.

[39:47] I don't want to talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] So, it's like, and they'll have fun, fun, fun,

[39:51] till her daddy takes her T-bird away.

[39:53] Yes.

[39:54] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] Fun, fun, fun, fun.

[39:56] And it, like, the whole show is kind of like the loosest-

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] Incense and peppermint.

[40:00] Like, Hamlet.

[40:01] Oh, it's like a Hamlet on bikes?

[40:04] It's like a Hamlet on bikes.

[40:05] Which I would see.

[40:06] They're going around the steel cage of death on their bikes,

[40:09] and they're doing a Hamlet.

[40:10] I watched that.

Dan McCoy

[40:11] Well, that's the beauty of live theater, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[40:13] Isn't that-

[40:13] I guess that's beyond the pines, now that I think about it.

[40:16] Oh, kind of.

[40:16] A place beyond the pines, yep.

[40:18] Yeah.

[40:19] Okay, so-

[40:20] That's the beauty of live theater, you said, Dan.

[40:23] Before we get back-

[40:24] At any moment, they can get on a bike and drive around.

[40:26] And only Rob Halford is really taking advantage of that aspect of live theater, to be honest.

Stuart Wellington

[40:33] I feel like Meat Loaf, his show, I think Charlene went and saw Bad Outta Hell, the musical, and I feel like there's at least one motorcycle involved.

Elliott Kalan

[40:43] Okay, okay.

[40:43] So they're taking advantage of it, too.

[40:45] But Edward Albee and his work never took advantage of the fact that the actors at any point could get on a motorcycle and just get into a steel cage of death and drive around.

[40:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:54] That's, I mean, that option's available to us all.

[40:56] So, I mean, when you get on the stage, you got the lights hitting you in the face and you're like, you know what?

[41:01] Time to get in that steel cage of death.

[41:02] So, before we get back to the individual fantasies, there's a commonality between all of them that kind of signifies that there's something dark going on.

[41:13] There's like a constant sound of dripping or then like this like kind of black liquid.

[41:19] And we keep seeing like this ghostly visitor that shows up that looks like a burned up like zombie dude.

[41:28] Now, and that's obviously, those are things that you would assume not what somebody's looking for when they want it all.

[41:34] And I want to, I want to, I want to just.

Elliott Kalan

[41:37] Mr. Rourke is like, you said you want it all.

[41:39] And a burned up zombie dude technically is one of the things in all.

[41:43] I guess you're right.

[41:44] Okay, you have chicken pox now.

[41:46] Technically part of the all.

[41:47] Now.

[41:48] Right, yeah, I have it all.

[41:49] Oh, oh.

[41:50] And a club foot.

[41:51] Okay, yes, thank you all.

[41:52] But you have $100.

[41:53] That's it.

[41:54] Well, you have other dollars, too.

[41:55] But you also have $100.

[41:56] Part of all.

[41:58] Okay, great.

[41:58] Termites.

[41:59] Did I mention your house has termites?

[42:00] It all fits under all.

[42:02] So you're thinking.

Dan McCoy

[42:03] So all for this fantasy is sort of like Katamari Damacy sort of situation where everything in the universe has been rolled up.

[42:11] And you.

[42:12] Exactly.

[42:13] And handed to you.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] And your dad's mean to you.

[42:15] No, but I wanted to.

Dan McCoy

[42:18] I know, I know, Stuart, that you are against jumping back.

[42:22] But I do want to highlight something that.

[42:25] But pro kissing himself.

[42:27] Okay.

[42:27] Against jumping back, but pro kissing himself.

[42:29] I wanted to highlight a thing that will become significant later.

[42:33] I don't want to spoil any turns of the plot ahead of time.

[42:39] But Melanie, when she's setting up her room, has a framed photo of herself and a man that she has brought to the island.

[42:47] Even though this is a time in history where people have photos on their phones, don't need to pack an entire framed photo to take out and put in your hotel room as if to say to the audience, this is significant.

[43:00] But I just wanted to mention it.

[43:02] Do you don't do that when you go on vacation?

[43:05] Just have.

Stuart Wellington

[43:05] Whenever I go on vacation, I always pull out my framed photo of me and you guys.

[43:09] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[43:10] Yeah.

[43:11] It's like having us there.

[43:12] Yeah.

[43:12] I guess I pull out that framed photo of me and a guy in a minion's outfit and I put it up on the...

Elliott Kalan

[43:19] I pull out a framed photo, but it's the photo that came with the frame.

[43:23] And I'm just like, who are these people?

[43:25] Time to find out.

[43:26] That's my fantasy.

Stuart Wellington

[43:29] Yeah.

[43:29] So let's get back to these fantasies.

[43:32] So Melanie and Sloan are running away from this torture doctor.

[43:35] He keeps jumping out.

[43:36] No matter how many times they blast him, he just keeps coming back.

[43:39] When they knock him down, black oil squirts out of his eyeballs and then he shows up later.

[43:44] Just like the Chumbawamba song.

Elliott Kalan

[43:46] They knock him down, black oil squirts out of his eyeballs, he gets back up again.

[43:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:49] They get rescued by Michael Rooker.

[43:52] Michael Rooker helps them beat up the doctor torture and they keep running away.

[43:56] He tries to explain the rules.

[43:58] They end up like, he takes them to a cave and like, he is kind of not giving me the vibes of a person I would follow into a cave, but whatever.

[44:08] So he takes them into a cave and...

Elliott Kalan

[44:11] Just so I know, in case I ever wanted you to get in a cave, what vibes would allow you to follow someone into a cave?

Stuart Wellington

[44:17] I mean, first off, I guess I want somebody who's a good listener first and not like, doesn't just kind of steamroll over me in conversations.

[44:26] Somebody who kind of wants to know what's going on with Stuart.

[44:29] I see.

[44:31] Other than that, like, obviously, I'd need to see his, like, I'd need to see his hands.

[44:37] Okay.

[44:37] Like, fingernail care is a real good signifier of just general personal hygiene.

[44:43] Huh.

Dan McCoy

[44:45] I feel like that was a real leap down from, like, you know, good listeners of fingernail care.

Stuart Wellington

[44:50] No, but that's the thing, Dan.

[44:52] It's, like, it's a little thing, but it shows a lot about a person's just general hygiene and well-being.

Dan McCoy

[44:58] So for you, it's sort of like the writer where, like, you know, like, no brown M&Ms, where if you, like, see that that wasn't done, you know that something else, somewhere else has not been taken care of.

Stuart Wellington

[45:11] Yeah, that goes into the uh-oh column.

[45:13] Yeah, all right.

[45:13] And you get too many things in the uh-oh column, and it's, uh, I spin around on my heels and walk away from the cave.

[45:20] And what's the other column called?

[45:22] Uh, yes, please.

[45:24] Okay.

[45:27] Only two columns.

[45:28] You only need those two.

[45:29] Uh, so they go down in this cave.

[45:31] He takes them, uh, under some, uh, like, they have to go through some water.

[45:35] You know, it's got all the stuff.

[45:37] They see zombies some more.

[45:39] All the stuff.

[45:41] It's what you'd imagine inside of a spoochicator.

[45:42] Yeah, there's a Quiznos, everything.

[45:44] Yeah.

[45:45] Again, like Katamari.

[45:47] Eventually, he takes them to, uh, what looks like a big room with a giant, uh, like a giant crystal wrapped in tree roots, and it's squirting out that black oil stuff.

[45:57] It totally looks like, uh, something that you would have to attack in a video game to get to the next, like, section of the thing, you know?

[46:04] Like, something that, like, I'm surprised it didn't have a health bar when you walked in, when they walked into the room.

[46:09] It's a real Metroid boss.

[46:11] It's like what you'd fight in Metroid.

[46:12] Yeah, and he explains that this, uh, that this stone or crystal or whatever is powering everybody's fantasies.

[46:19] There's magic.

[46:20] When he was a journalist or a private investigator who came to this island to try and investigate it, but he got his fantasy, but he realized it was bad, but he can't leave.

[46:29] Uh, because Rourke, uh, knows what's going on as in charge of the island, uh, and they can't leave.

[46:36] So they come up with a plan that the only thing they can do is to, like, take some of the, take some of that oil, put it in a, uh, which has properties that, uh, once you drink it, your fantasies come true.

[46:50] Uh, I guess it's, that's the magic.

[46:52] That's where the magic's coming from.

[46:54] Yeah.

[46:54] And, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[46:54] That's where the magic happens, is in you after you drink it.

Stuart Wellington

[46:57] So they luckily had a canteen.

[46:59] They fill that thing with that juice, and they're like, we gotta get this off the island.

[47:03] That's the plan, everybody.

[47:05] Meanwhile, uh, did I miss anything, or did I get it 100% correct?

Dan McCoy

[47:09] Uh, yeah, that's it.

[47:11] Uh, for, like, uh, future developments, have we gotten to the point yet, have we skimmed over the point where, like, we learned that Mr. Rourke, uh, has a dead wife, and that's why he is on Fantasy Island?

[47:23] Yeah.

[47:23] Because, uh, he wanted his wife to come back, and we, we don't, like, no one, like, upon learning this, asks to be like, oh, where is she?

[47:34] Because then, like, that would ruin the surprise later on about what's going on, but, uh, he is tied to the island, because it's one of those situations where if he leaves the island, his wife will be gone forever.

Elliott Kalan

[47:44] And so, and so he's taken the job of, it seems like the island doesn't really need him to take care of the island.

[47:51] I assume he's just taking care of the island's buildings, because the island seems to do what it's doing without him.

Dan McCoy

[47:56] I mean, the island can't get on the internet, Elliot, and advertise it to, like, you know, people out there.

[48:02] That's a good point.

[48:03] He's got a point, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[48:04] So, so you're saying that he's a guy, he has, uh, social media marketing and web skills, and that's why.

[48:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:08] He's like an ambassador to the...

[48:10] But it's one of those, it's one of those mysteries where they're like, uh, the, the fantasy, my fantasy was to have my wife back.

[48:15] I won't mention that there's only one woman on the island, and so if you're an audience member, you assume this is my wife.

[48:21] Uh, we'll just not mention that at all.

[48:23] Yeah.

[48:24] But, uh, yeah.

[48:24] But, yeah, Stuart, you gotta, and so, Stuart, the only thing...

Stuart Wellington

[48:27] Yeah, and they, that, that, that came out when, uh, he had a, like, a heart-to-heart with Gwen, who is kind of, like, I guess there's this moment of, like, she's, you know, even though she has it all, as we've already addressed, uh, a husband, a child, uh, she's still, like...

[48:45] Measles, Matchbox Cars, it has it all.

Dan McCoy

[48:49] Matchbox 20.

Elliott Kalan

[48:51] Matchbox 20, the whole band, I mean, UB40, 311, every band with a number in it, and also every band.

[48:58] They're called 311.

[48:59] The Beatles, the Ruddles, uh, all of them.

[49:03] The Turtles.

[49:03] She's got everything.

[49:04] The Turtles, the Animals, the Birds, the Bangles, the Go-Go's.

[49:09] Is there a band called the Spangles?

[49:10] If there is, she has it.

[49:12] The Misfits, all of them.

[49:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:14] The Jacksons, all of it, yeah.

[49:16] The Cramps.

[49:17] No, sorry, go ahead.

Elliott Kalan

[49:18] She has both the Lady A who was called Lady A first, and the Lady A that was called Lady Antebellum,

[49:23] and then sued the person who was already called Lady A when they changed her name, which is crazy that you would do that.

[49:29] All right.

[49:30] She's got all of Kurt Monagat's novels, all of Joseph Heller's novels.

[49:34] She's got all of Thackeray's novels.

Dan McCoy

[49:36] Stuart's moved past looking frustrated to looking at his phone, so that's what we should probably keep going.

Stuart Wellington

[49:42] So, yeah, so Gwen is skeptical, and she has a conversation with Rourke, and Rourke basically explains, like, these fantasies are great, but you have to stay on the island to enjoy them.

[49:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:54] And Gwen, for some reason, feels like she doesn't deserve this fantasy.

[49:57] Yeah.

[49:57] A reason that we don't know yet.

[49:59] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] So, meanwhile, Patrick and his father have a long conversation.

[50:06] They come to grips with the time travel elements of what's going on.

[50:11] His father's like, well, if I'm going to die on this specific mission that we're on right now, fuck that.

[50:18] I'm going to go home.

[50:19] I have a son I've got to take care of.

[50:20] And Patrick's like, no, dude, you die being a hero.

[50:23] It's very important to me that you die being a hero.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] This was the craziest turn of character where it was like, you'd think his fantasy is to be with his dad and save his dad.

[50:34] Mm-hmm.

[50:34] Yeah.

[50:35] But his fantasy is to be there when his dad sacrifices his life so that he can keep being a hero for him, which is nuts.

[50:41] There's a lot going on.

Dan McCoy

[50:41] Well, I mean, that was his initial fantasy.

[50:43] But it's one of those things where he's like, oh, if you're not here, your whole unit's going to die.

[50:49] But there's a simple solution for that, which is everyone leave.

[50:52] Like, everyone get out of there.

[50:53] It's true.

Elliott Kalan

[50:54] Since it's not real.

[50:55] Yeah, go ahead.

[50:56] And also, they're in some kind of secret mission in Venezuela, too.

[51:00] Are they explicitly saving hostages or is it something else?

[51:04] Something like that, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:05] And specifically, he knows his father dies jumping on a grenade, which would have wiped out his whole squad, but instead just wipes out his body.

Elliott Kalan

[51:13] But it is silly for him to – it's like if the Terminator went back in time just to, like, make sure everything happened exactly the way.

[51:25] Like, Skynet's going to lose because of John Connor, but Skynet is very particular.

[51:30] So we need to make – so the Terminator's just making sure John Connor doesn't, like, break his leg and, like, keeping him from going out having fun with his friends on a trampoline and stuff like that.

[51:38] Like, Terminator, can I go bungee jumping with my friends?

[51:40] No.

[51:41] Skynet needs you to stop it in the future.

[51:42] It's very weird to go back in time to make sure a thing happens.

Dan McCoy

[51:45] I got to say, at a certain point, I don't know why Skynet is so worried about John Connor because they seem to rise every time, even – no matter what John Connor does.

[51:53] So, I mean, like, they should stop pouring resources into their anti-John Connor program.

Elliott Kalan

[51:58] Yeah, it is a real – it's a real boondoggle.

[52:01] Yeah.

[52:02] And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Skynet, like all things, is a democracy, and they have a big Terminator factory in Kentucky.

[52:11] So Skynet's senator from Kentucky is like, well, we got to keep sending Terminators after John Connor, of course, because we got to bring jobs to the robots here in the factory here in my home state of Skytucky.

[52:22] Now, is this a robot with an accent?

Dan McCoy

[52:25] That's what I –

[52:25] Very much so, yes.

Elliott Kalan

[52:27] It is a robot with a southern accent.

[52:29] Okay.

[52:29] And he's like, well, you know us, a southern bot's got a saying.

[52:33] You got to bring home the cotton if you want to be a robot.

[52:38] And Skynet is like, I don't understand.

[52:40] That doesn't make sense to me.

[52:41] Well, yeah, it's because you're a Yankee AI, all that stuff.

[52:43] It's the same thing.

[52:44] Yeah, it's terrible.

[52:45] Because we build these things in our own image.

[52:46] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:47] Yeah.

[52:48] And his torso is a giant pork barrel, like a metal pork barrel, right?

[52:53] Exactly.

[52:54] Oh!

Elliott Kalan

[52:54] Because he's from a political cartoon.

[52:56] And he's always short-circuiting because he's just pouring grits into his grill.

[52:59] He doesn't have a mouth, really, so he's just pouring them into his speaking grill, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[53:03] So they battle in the water, Patrick and his dad, until they realize, you know what?

[53:10] Why don't we just do the mission together, and we'll probably not get exploded by a grenade?

[53:15] And they're like, oh, wow, maybe if we work together, we'll actually accomplish this.

[53:19] So that's cool.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] I feel like that is kind of the ultimate dad fantasy, to be like –

[53:24] Yeah.

[53:24] Fighting a war with your son, and then everything's okay at the end.

Dan McCoy

[53:27] I also want to say, at this point in the movie, like, I assume that what the movie is doing

[53:34] is that this is going to be a horror movie in name and in some of the elements, but ultimately

[53:41] it is going to be a movie where all of these fantasies, as scary as they are, are sort of

[53:48] like radical therapy that will help all these people.

[53:54] And it's going to be like one of those rare, but they do exist, horror movies where the

[53:59] twist is, like, actually at the end, everything is okay.

Stuart Wellington

[54:03] Like the game, kind of.

[54:04] Yes.

[54:04] Which is not a horror movie, but you know what I mean.

[54:07] So, now, Gwen, despite the rule being that you cannot have a second fantasy, manages to convince,

[54:18] I guess, a woman that we believe is Rourke's number two or number one, but is actually his

[54:24] wife.

[54:25] It doesn't matter.

[54:26] That twist doesn't really matter, I don't think.

[54:28] Rourke's wife lets Gwen get a second fantasy.

[54:31] So, she goes through the door she went through before.

[54:34] She goes back in time, we find out, and she's in an apartment building that's on fire.

[54:39] She bumps into all of our characters.

[54:43] JD and Brax are there.

[54:44] They're running out of this burning building.

[54:46] She runs up to a cop, who is Patrick, and Patrick's like, uh, we're going to wait for the

[54:51] fire department.

[54:52] We're not going to save the guy who's trapped in the room.

Elliott Kalan

[54:55] I mean, to be fair to Patrick, that probably is standard operating procedure, is for the

[54:59] one cop on the scene to not run into the burning building and not let the professional firefighters

[55:05] do it.

Dan McCoy

[55:06] But this is, I mean, like, to be clear, this is, like, specifically why a couple of the

[55:10] characters are regretful.

[55:11] Maggie Q is regretful.

[55:12] She wasn't able to save this guy, and because she started the fire on accident.

[55:17] And Patrick, earlier, was like, I had a chance.

[55:22] Hey.

[55:22] Patrick earlier had a chance to save.

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] Dan, Dan, Dan.

[55:26] I have a Billy Joel joke that I want to say.

[55:28] So when Billy Joel said that he and his band didn't start the fire, we now know that's

[55:32] true.

[55:33] Maggie Q did it.

[55:34] Oh, thank God.

[55:35] With her tea cup.

[55:35] Oh, my God.

[55:37] Dan, continue with what you were saying.

[55:37] If that joke hadn't been said.

[55:40] If that joke hadn't been said, Skynet would be in control a hundred years from now.

[55:43] And I know that because there's a Terminator standing over me with a clipboard of jokes

[55:47] I have to say tonight to make sure Skynet gets to feed the future.

[55:50] And he was poking that one with a finger extra hard.

Stuart Wellington

[55:52] I just wanted to.

[55:53] It's like how Robert Howard claimed Conan would hover over him and make him write Conan

[55:57] stories.

Dan McCoy

[55:58] I wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just her regret.

[56:01] It's like she's the one who seems to feel it most keenly.

[56:04] But Patrick earlier was like, I had the chance to save someone and I didn't.

[56:09] And that's also part of why his father's heroism is so important to him because he's like, well,

[56:13] I wasn't able to do it when it was my turn.

Stuart Wellington

[56:16] We find out that all of our characters are connected through this one fire and death.

[56:23] We'll later learn that Melanie was supposed to go out on a date with the guy who died,

[56:28] a guy named Nick.

[56:30] And that they all not only were they, they all feel like they are responsible in some

[56:36] way.

[56:37] Even J.D. and Brax were what?

[56:38] Roommates with this guy?

Elliott Kalan

[56:39] They were roommates and they thought he wasn't home.

Dan McCoy

[56:41] So they didn't go back to check.

[56:42] They thought he wasn't home.

[56:42] So it's all, they're all connected.

[56:45] Melanie feels the most tenuous.

[56:46] I mean, there's a reason for that that we'll get to.

[56:48] But like at first she's just like, I was supposed to go on a date with him and I chickened

[56:52] out or something like that.

[56:53] Or like, and it's like he was not supposed to be there that night.

[56:56] I'm like, I think you can let yourself off the hook for that one.

[56:59] Yeah, that's a weird one.

[57:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:01] Okay.

[57:02] So she tries to, but Gwen is back in time.

[57:06] She's trying to save Nick.

[57:08] She's trying to break down the door, but the smoke gets the best of her and she passes

[57:11] out.

[57:12] She's later saved by, what is the, is it Julia?

[57:15] What's her name?

[57:18] Yeah, I think so.

[57:20] Yeah, Julia.

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:21] So all the fantasies start to intersect at this point.

[57:26] Uh, somewhere in here, Michael Rooker tackles the torture doctor off the cliff and we're

[57:29] like, see you later, sweet prince.

[57:32] That's the line, right?

[57:33] That's the line from Shakespeare.

Dan McCoy

[57:36] He's a real scatman Crothers character in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:40] So their, their fantasies all intersect.

[57:42] Uh, the, uh, Patrick and his father's team of soldiers show up at the, the villa where

[57:48] the mercenaries are.

[57:50] Uh, Brax manages to trick the mercenaries into letting him into the weapons room where he starts

[57:55] getting weapons and blasting everybody.

[57:57] And he gets a, uh, he gets a grenade that he uses as like a thermal detonator type, uh,

[58:02] bargaining chip.

[58:03] And you see the grenade and you're like, but didn't Patrick's dad die from a grenade?

[58:07] Well that, you know, it doesn't actually happen.

[58:09] Uh, Ryan Hanson has an epiphany where he's like, you know what?

[58:14] I, our relationship, you don't hold me back.

[58:17] I don't know why I would ever think that.

[58:18] And you're like, oh great.

[58:19] They're going to have, that's really going to improve their relationship.

[58:21] He then gets shot.

[58:23] Uh, mercenaries are all zombies.

[58:25] What's up?

Dan McCoy

[58:25] I do want to, uh, you know, like this, this grenade, I do, I do want to spend a little

[58:29] more time on it because this grenade deserves like cast billing in this movie.

[58:34] Cause it gets, it gets taken around, uh, throughout the entire, uh, climax.

[58:40] Uh, and there's like a lot of scenes here where someone has their hand on the grenade.

[58:46] Like, uh, the first time it happens is right here where someone has their hand on the grenade.

[58:51] Uh, and, uh, Brett Brax.

[58:54] Brax.

[58:55] Brax.

Elliott Kalan

[58:55] His name's Brax.

[58:56] How are you, he has the only memorable name in the entire movie.

Dan McCoy

[58:59] Brax, uh, like as the person is falling, like catches the grenade from him, like to keep

[59:04] the dead man's trigger or whatever, uh, from going off.

[59:08] Um, and this grenade gets passed around like a real hot potato grenade.

[59:12] Um, but it becomes.

[59:14] I think you could have just said hot potato there.

[59:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:17] But, uh.

[59:17] But it's also a hot potato that is a grenade.

[59:20] They wanted to specify.

[59:21] It had to be really clear.

[59:21] I didn't want people to get confused if they were passing food around.

Dan McCoy

[59:23] Yeah, to be like, oh, is there a really hot potato in this movie that like is going to

[59:27] burn people's hands?

[59:27] Is this, is this the beginning of the tin drum?

[59:30] Yeah.

[59:37] Whoa.

[59:38] Stuart is always laughing at his memories of the tin drum.

Stuart Wellington

[59:44] Okay.

[59:45] Okay.

[59:45] So, uh, yeah.

[59:46] So all the mercenaries, they get smoked and then they get back up as zombie dudes with,

[59:51] uh, black juice squirting out of their eyeballs.

[59:53] There's at least one kind of cool effect where the, the guy's lying on his back and his like

[59:58] eyes fill up with the black juice.

[1:00:00] And then they like break through the front of the eyes, like the eyes are glass.

[1:00:03] That was kind of cool.

[1:00:05] Uh, I'll give it to you movie.

[1:00:07] Um, they, uh, so Melanie and Sloan are like, Hey, we know a way that we can get off the

[1:00:13] island.

[1:00:13] Even though our cell phones don't work.

[1:00:16] She was able to contact.

[1:00:18] Uh, she was able to talk briefly with, uh, Sloan's husband after she posted that video.

[1:00:23] Uh, so they go back to the torture room and they call him and they're like, look, don't

[1:00:29] worry about all that stuff.

[1:00:30] Uh, we'll deal with it later, but I need you to call a guy with a plane.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:35] So they got the number for the plane from, uh, from Michael Rooker.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:39] Yeah.

[1:00:39] They have a big reconciliation.

[1:00:42] Like it's one of those scenes where she's talking to her husband, reconciling with him

[1:00:46] and apologizing.

[1:00:47] And it's really directed at Melanie in the room being like, Oh, I'm sorry.

[1:00:51] I was, I bullied you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:53] And this is the, this is the strangest thing about this movie to me is that Sloan, who is

[1:00:58] not one of the original main cast characters is the one who gets the cathartic life changing

[1:01:03] speech.

[1:01:03] And eventually spoiler alert, like becomes the hero.

[1:01:06] And it's just a very strange choice to me to have it be this character who is set up as

[1:01:11] a, as an accessory to one of the main characters that she gets that emotional moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:15] Yeah.

[1:01:16] And she, uh, yeah.

[1:01:18] So at this point they start to float the idea that, um, they realize that they're all connected

[1:01:22] through the death of this, of this guy, Nick, and they start to float the idea that

[1:01:26] maybe they're not living their fantasies after all, that maybe they're stuck in someone else's

[1:01:31] fantasies.

[1:01:32] And they start to assume that the woman that we later find out is Rourke's wife might be

[1:01:37] the mother of Nick, the guy who died and that she, her fantasy is for them all to suffer and

[1:01:44] die.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:45] Yeah.

[1:01:46] It's that moment in a movie where everyone suddenly makes a giant logical leaps because the screenplay

[1:01:52] needs them to.

[1:01:53] It is a very giant logical leap.

[1:01:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:56] Uh, it's right up there with the scene in Batman 66 where they're figuring out that all the

[1:02:01] Batman villains are involved based on the phrases they have introduced to the conversation.

[1:02:04] Is that the Vincent Gallo movie?

[1:02:05] No, not, yeah, yeah.

[1:02:06] Batman 66 is the one where Batman gets out of jail and he kidnaps a woman and then takes

[1:02:10] her to his parents' house.

[1:02:12] And, uh, and Ben Gazzara is his dad.

[1:02:14] But, uh, where Batman's like, uh, there was a shark attached to my leg.

[1:02:18] It was pulling my leg like a, like a joke.

[1:02:21] The Joker's involved.

[1:02:22] Uh, it's all such some huge riddle.

[1:02:24] The Riddler.

[1:02:25] It's that kind of logic.

[1:02:26] Yeah.

[1:02:27] Here's an idea I'm introducing.

[1:02:28] He's treated as fact now.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:29] It's like a, it's like he's Dirk gently all of a sudden.

[1:02:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:35] Uh, so they, uh, they run to the beach hoping that their plane is going to arrive.

[1:02:39] The plane comes flying in and then totally gets blasted out of the sky by a missile.

[1:02:43] And you know what?

[1:02:44] That was pretty great.

[1:02:45] Then they run into the jungle avoiding the mercenary zombies.

[1:02:49] Uh, they figure out that mystery that I just explained.

[1:02:51] They go back to the cave because they're like, let's fuck up this magic rock.

[1:02:55] Uh, of course they get to the cave.

[1:02:57] They all get separated.

[1:02:58] They're all haunted at this point by their demons, uh, snakes, uh, hands, double versions

[1:03:05] of themselves.

[1:03:06] Those mercenary guys, uh, Patrick's dad shows back up and he has to battle him in the water

[1:03:13] again.

[1:03:13] It's like, is that in your contract?

[1:03:15] Multiple water battles.

[1:03:17] And then we find out the, then we get the big twist guys.

[1:03:21] The big twist is that Melanie is actually the one whose fantasy was to kill them all.

[1:03:27] She was in love with Nick and, uh, it was the worst moment in her life.

[1:03:32] And she also wanted to kill Sloan cause Sloan made her feel bad.

[1:03:35] And so she wanted to kill them all.

[1:03:36] And she like, it really feels like, it feels like Lucy Hale is like, wants to have her

[1:03:42] Skeet Ulrich, uh, Matthew Lillard end of scream moment.

[1:03:46] But I don't know if she's got the chops.

[1:03:49] I mean, those two guys.

[1:03:50] Oh, what a performance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:51] I don't think this is an acting issue.

[1:03:52] I think this is the fact that we saw her by herself panicking and trying to figure out

[1:03:57] what to do and being scared.

[1:03:58] So it, it feels more like Lucy Hale in the middle of the shot was like, this movie doesn't

[1:04:03] make sense.

[1:04:03] I have to explain it.

[1:04:05] I'm going to make up a reason why this is happening that's stronger than the one the

[1:04:08] movie is suggesting.

[1:04:09] And I think she pulled that off if that's the case.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:11] If this is her fantasy, yes.

[1:04:12] We see her many times when she is alone acting as if she is in danger.

[1:04:17] And also, like, it is an interesting turn because like, okay, I mean, number one, she went on

[1:04:22] like one date with this guy before he died.

[1:04:26] They had a real connection, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:28] Maybe he cleaned his fucking fingernails.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:30] She's hanging on to a lot.

[1:04:31] She's hanging on to high school.

[1:04:32] She's hanging on to this one date.

[1:04:34] And even more important, listen to him.

[1:04:36] But also, it, the movie at this point has the weirdest message because like, like this woman bullied

[1:04:43] Lucy Hale calling her like a psycho stalker.

[1:04:45] And then it's like, oh, actually she is like evil and wants to murder people.

[1:04:50] It's like this pro bullying message.

[1:04:52] It's like, oh, I was right to bully you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:54] I don't know if it's so much of a pro bullying message as an anti reaching out to people who

[1:04:59] are different than you message.

[1:05:00] Yeah.

[1:05:00] It is.

[1:05:01] Whatever it is.

[1:05:02] It's not saying you should, you should bully them, but it is saying you should keep them

[1:05:05] at a distance.

[1:05:06] Yeah.

[1:05:06] Which is not still not a great message.

[1:05:08] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:09] So we have a showdown in the, in the chamber of the giant crystal.

[1:05:15] Melanie has her army of zombies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:18] Stuart, what a great chapter title for the cereal about that stars you as an adventurer.

[1:05:22] Showdown in the chamber of the giant crystal.

[1:05:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:25] Yeah.

[1:05:26] I mean, I don't know if I would say, I mean, I usually don't refer to the different parts

[1:05:30] of my bowl of cereals chapters, but that would make sense because the end feels

[1:05:35] like a real climax.

[1:05:36] Each spoonful is a chapter.

[1:05:38] Yeah.

[1:05:38] Is the story of you.

[1:05:39] Yeah.

[1:05:40] So, uh, Rourke shows up too.

[1:05:43] And he basically is like, I can't help you guys.

[1:05:45] It's the rules of the island dudes.

[1:05:46] And then he wanders off and he talks to his, his ghost wife.

[1:05:49] And then his wedding ring turns into smoke and floats away.

[1:05:52] And then he's like, I can't help them.

[1:05:54] So he shows up.

[1:05:55] He let, he reminds them that Sloan is the only person who hasn't drunk the black oil because

[1:06:00] she hasn't had a fantasy yet.

[1:06:01] So she drinks it.

[1:06:02] And then her fantasy of course, is that Nick shows up out of the water.

[1:06:06] He does like a Jason Voorhees at the end of the first Friday, the 13th spoiler alert

[1:06:09] and yanks Melanie down into the water oil.

[1:06:13] And she drowns and you're like, okay, the nightmare is over.

[1:06:15] Not so fast.

[1:06:16] She gets one final scare.

[1:06:18] She jumps out of the water with a grenade, throws a grenade at him.

[1:06:21] And you're like, always with the grenades.

[1:06:22] No, yeah.

[1:06:23] So Patrick then launches himself onto that grenade and he gets smoked.

[1:06:26] The end.

[1:06:27] Yeah.

[1:06:27] He gets his wish to be a hero, just like his dad.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:30] Yeah.

[1:06:30] This grenade got thrown into the water earlier on, you know, without the pen pulled.

[1:06:36] And like, that's what I mean.

[1:06:36] This grenade just keeps getting passed around from person to person.

[1:06:41] Like, we got to figure out a way to get this grenade to our climax where the, so Patrick

[1:06:46] can jump on it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:47] Now here's, here's the part that if it makes this a good link from Simon Conjurer, our previous

[1:06:54] episode, which is they all wake up the next morning.

[1:06:56] And the people who died are still dead.

[1:06:58] Yes.

[1:06:59] Yep.

[1:06:59] It's like, it was all a dream except for the deaths.

[1:07:02] Those happened.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:03] And a link to Simon Conjurer because it's like, because the magic has, the people who are

[1:07:07] alive, the magic has, you know, like fixed them to some degree.

[1:07:12] Like, at least they can move on from a lot of what has been problems in their lives.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:19] Yeah.

[1:07:19] Now they have the new trauma of their experience on Fantasy Island that has overwritten the

[1:07:23] old trauma that they need to deal with.

[1:07:25] True.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:25] Yeah.

[1:07:26] So the, the, at this point, the, I guess the island is going to continue on.

[1:07:30] They didn't blow up the crystal, obviously.

[1:07:33] The surviving people all want to leave.

[1:07:35] And then we see a familiar face piloting that, that, that boat with inflatable feet or the,

[1:07:42] the plane with inflatable feet.

[1:07:43] That's right.

[1:07:44] JD is alive piloting.

[1:07:46] I don't know that he was piloting.

[1:07:48] I think he was just in the front seat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] I think he was sitting, he was sitting up front, but I don't think he was the pilot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:53] But it's.

[1:07:54] Well, maybe, maybe we didn't see it, but I bet when that plane gets in the air, he's like,

[1:07:58] can I take the stick?

[1:07:59] But.

[1:07:59] The other guy's like, other guy or girl?

[1:08:01] I didn't, I don't remember.

[1:08:03] Significantly though.

[1:08:04] I don't take it, dude.

[1:08:04] He's like, hey, you do have it all.

[1:08:06] He's there.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:06] His chance is part of all.

[1:08:08] He's there alive though, because Brax is like, I will stay here on the island in return

[1:08:14] for him being alive again.

[1:08:16] Much like Mr. Rourke had to stay on the island to keep his, his wife alive.

[1:08:20] And this is a sacrifice he's making.

[1:08:22] And it also like plays into the whole like, oh, these two brothers are too close.

[1:08:25] They need to separate.

[1:08:26] Like, this is a thing that's happening.

[1:08:28] I don't even know why Mr. Rourke is still the caretaker of this island though, because

[1:08:31] the only reason he was there was because of his wife keeping her alive.

[1:08:35] Like, it seems like he's like, well, it should be like, see ya, I'm off this hell island

[1:08:38] now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:39] I mean, at a certain point, the wife fantasy just became an excuse for staying on the island,

[1:08:43] I think.

[1:08:43] It was really, he wanted to be on an island.

[1:08:45] I think it's weird here that the rules suddenly seem to change, because it's like, previously

[1:08:49] you come to Fantasy Island, you have a fantasy, and everyone turns into evil zombies and tries

[1:08:53] to kill you.

[1:08:54] And now his fantasy is for his brother to be alive and go back home.

[1:08:57] So was he sending an evil zombie of his brother out to kill their parents?

[1:09:01] Is that, like, how is his fantasy leaving the island?

[1:09:04] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:05] I think his brother's going to be on the plane, and so that is going to play into a later thing

[1:09:10] where he is going to stay on the island and be excited every time the plane shows up.

[1:09:14] And his brother's going to be there every time he sees him, which is, in a way, kind of ties

[1:09:20] in my earlier thing where I was doing a reference to the Pirates of the Caribbean, since that

[1:09:26] series at the end of the third movie features a similar setup where somebody is cursed to stay

[1:09:31] on a boat all the time and occasionally visit Keira Knightley.

[1:09:35] So, uh, let's get to this final moment, okay, guys?

[1:09:39] We have a movie based on a popular TV show, and yet we are missing an integral character.

[1:09:44] The most popular character on, or one of the most memorable characters from the original

[1:09:49] show, that's right, is Tattoo.

[1:09:51] So, but Tattoo has not shown up in this whole movie.

[1:09:54] Now, Brax has decided he's going to stay on the island, and Mr. Rourke is like, well,

[1:09:59] you can't have a name like Brax, you've got to take up a cool island resort name.

[1:10:02] Just like when I go on vacation, and I get my hair braided, and I get a cool nickname

[1:10:06] for that whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:08] But also, if ever there was a cool island vacation nickname, it is Brax.

[1:10:12] So, I don't know, it doesn't make sense.

[1:10:14] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:15] I feel like he's worried that Brax is too cool of a name.

[1:10:18] Maybe.

[1:10:19] And if a guest was showing up to the island, and they were introduced to a person named

[1:10:23] Brax, they're like, is my fantasy to battle this guy?

[1:10:27] Yeah.

[1:10:29] And he's like, okay, we've got to give you a new name.

[1:10:32] And he's like, well, I had this silly nickname back in college.

[1:10:36] And you're like, okay, this was mentioned earlier.

[1:10:39] Let's get this nickname.

[1:10:40] Why was he called T back in college?

[1:10:42] He pulls off his shirt, and we see the word tattoo is tattooed on his chest.

[1:10:47] T-A-T-T-O-O.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:48] Yeah.

[1:10:49] Because he does it for like a...

[1:10:50] And that is the name of the popular character.

[1:10:51] A dare to get the dumbest tattoo.

[1:10:53] And I guess the dumbest tattoo is just a tattoo of the word tattoo.

[1:10:56] Is the idea.

[1:10:58] And I'm going to tell you right now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:59] Not the tattoo.

[1:11:00] Head over to the Instagram account snake underscore underscore pit, and you're going to see much

[1:11:04] dumber tattoos.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:06] I warn you.

[1:11:07] I warn you.

[1:11:09] Content alert.

[1:11:10] Not safe for a word.

[1:11:12] I know.

[1:11:12] A lot of very sexually explicit tattoos.

[1:11:18] But yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:19] I'm not familiar with this feed, and I love that both of you guys are.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:23] Well, Stuart recommended it to Audrey, and Audrey is shocked every time it comes up in her feed.

[1:11:29] I'm like, well, you can delete it.

[1:11:31] And she's like, well, no, it's interesting.

[1:11:33] Well, you don't delete it.

[1:11:33] You don't want to mess up their follower count.

[1:11:35] Just mute it.

[1:11:35] Yeah.

[1:11:36] Anyway.

[1:11:39] But yeah.

[1:11:40] No.

[1:11:40] He's tattooed, which was foreshadowed earlier by him running across when the plane was coming,

[1:11:45] going, the plane!

[1:11:46] The plane!

[1:11:47] When they thought a plane was going to rest.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:48] It's foreshadowed also by this being a Fantasy Island remake.

[1:11:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:51] That as well.

[1:11:52] So yeah.

[1:11:53] Like, it ends literally with the origin of the popular character tattoo, which is what

[1:11:58] everybody was waiting for.

[1:11:59] Yep.

[1:12:00] So you walk out of that theater on a high now.

[1:12:02] Yeah, you're like, so that's how it happened.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] Guys, I'm looking at these pictures now, and you're right.

[1:12:06] That is a good content warning to give to people.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:11] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:14] So.

[1:12:15] It really, it makes me question my imagination as a comedian that I'm like, well, I could never

[1:12:19] think up anything as crazy as these tattoos.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:21] Yeah.

[1:12:22] The craziest ones are the ones that you see, and you're like, wow, that's actually pretty

[1:12:26] great.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:28] Great in the sense that the artwork is very accurate, I would say.

[1:12:32] Not necessarily.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:33] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:33] Some of those.

[1:12:34] Yeah, yeah.

[1:12:34] Yeah.

[1:12:35] There's one that's like a drawing of Casper the Friendly Ghost, but with like a giant boner,

[1:12:40] and then it's like followed by multiple reflections of the same image, and I'm like, oh, I'm haunted

[1:12:45] by the thought of this.

[1:12:48] It's like the end of that Alan Moore Providence comic.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:53] Okay.

[1:12:53] Well, this is the part where we give final judgments.

[1:12:55] And of course, we have our special Shocktober categories that baffle.

[1:13:01] I forgot about these.

[1:13:02] Baffle my ghosts every time.

[1:13:04] Was this movie totally scarifying?

[1:13:06] Was it totally snorifying?

[1:13:09] Or was it frightfully funny?

[1:13:14] Guys.

[1:13:14] Now, is it frightfully funny or frighteningly funny?

[1:13:17] I think it's frightfully.

[1:13:19] I prefer frightfully.

[1:13:21] Let's.

[1:13:21] Okay.

[1:13:22] Let's go with frightfully.

[1:13:23] Yeah, let's do what Dan prefers.

[1:13:25] Now, look, it happens so, so infrequently.

[1:13:31] I know.

[1:13:32] Just giving you the business.

[1:13:34] Let's see.

[1:13:35] Well, here's where those categories fall apart completely.

[1:13:40] And I return to our normal categories.

[1:13:42] Guys, I got to admit, I kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:43] I love, Dan, that you, you, you introduce those categories.

[1:13:47] No one was asking for them.

[1:13:49] Just to immediately discard them.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:50] I mean, people, people, I think, like the.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:53] They didn't specify that he prefers one one way and then getting rid of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:58] I like to do it because.

[1:14:00] It's like you ordered a price fix meal at a restaurant.

[1:14:04] You were very specific about how you wanted the sauce on the side.

[1:14:07] And then when it arrived, you threw it away and said, give me a hamburger.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:10] I think that I just, I think people enjoy the confusion that they feel from you guys when

[1:14:15] I introduce it.

[1:14:16] But I got to say, this movie is certainly not totally scarifying.

[1:14:21] Like this movie is an utter failure.

[1:14:23] It's a horror movie.

[1:14:23] There's nothing frightening about anything that happens in this movie.

[1:14:27] But I have to admit, I sort of enjoyed it while I was watching it.

[1:14:31] Now there's, it totally falls apart if you give it any examination at all.

[1:14:36] Like the plot makes no sense.

[1:14:38] But it, a lot of stuff is always happening.

[1:14:42] It's, the basic premise is, you know, pretty fun.

[1:14:47] Like the movie certainly could lose at least 20 minutes.

[1:14:50] This movie is almost two hours.

[1:14:51] It should be a tight 90, if not like 82.

[1:14:56] But, um, I don't know.

[1:14:58] When we were watching it, Audrey's like, I don't know.

[1:15:00] This is fine.

[1:15:01] Like I'd give it two and a half stars.

[1:15:04] And I, I grinned and then I just handed her my phone where I just put on letterboxed.

[1:15:09] It's fine.

[1:15:10] And rated it two and a half stars.

[1:15:13] So that's what I, like if you, you know, if you want something to fall asleep to,

[1:15:17] Fantasy Island.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:19] Yeah.

[1:15:20] It's a, uh, it's, it's a movie that is real, uh, relatively easy, goes down easy filler.

[1:15:26] And so, yeah, I, I didn't, it's not my sort of thing really, but there were some jokes in the movie that I thought were funny.

[1:15:34] It's not like I was LOLing at them, but I certainly imagined myself LOLing at them.

[1:15:39] Uh, and so it is, I would say it is, yeah, if we're going on the old scale, it is, uh, none of them for me.

[1:15:49] Yeah.

[1:15:50] Uh, and if we're going on the new scale, it's somewhere between, uh, snorifying and funny, but it's neither of those.

[1:15:57] Yeah.

[1:15:57] So I guess what I'm saying is I reject both scales.

[1:16:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:00] I like, I like that Elliot made a big deal about Dan changing it up and then threw Dan's ratings away.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:06] This podcast, this podcast is nothing if not like a slow lesson to all of us, uh, about how art, it's impossible to, you know, shove art to categories.

[1:16:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:18] Yeah.

[1:16:18] Well, especially these categories.

[1:16:20] You know, like why try and, uh, ascribe like a numerical value on the quality of art?

[1:16:25] Just talk about it, man.

[1:16:27] It's meant to be experienced.

[1:16:28] Yeah.

[1:16:29] Speaking of which, uh, I would probably say it's, uh, uh, in between snorifying and frighteningly funny.

[1:16:35] There's some really dumb moments and just the whole structure of the third act just doesn't make any sense ever.

[1:16:42] And it feels like it's just thrown together by somebody who has a short attention span and is just trying to, I don't know, like surprise people, I guess.

[1:16:52] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:53] Uh, but yeah, whatever.

[1:16:55] Yeah.

[1:16:55] If it's, there are worse things that you could watch at a slumber party when you are 13 or 14.

[1:17:01] Perfect.

[1:17:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:02] You're at a slumber party.

[1:17:03] The best you can do is a PG 13 movie.

[1:17:05] I don't know.

[1:17:06] Put this on unless you're going to watch drag me to hell, which is the infinitely better option.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:10] Yeah.

[1:17:10] Oh yeah.

[1:17:11] I mean a hundred or like alien.

[1:17:12] Like that's, you could watch that.

[1:17:13] Is alien PG 13?

[1:17:14] It might as well be.

[1:17:16] It's, it's, uh, it's pretty great.

[1:17:18] I give it 13 out of 10.

[1:17:20] Is that your, your quantifying of PG 13 is pretty great?

[1:17:24] PG 13, pretty great.

[1:17:24] 13 out of 10.

[1:17:25] Yeah.

[1:17:26] Okay.

[1:17:26] And R stands for sometimes.

[1:17:31] Oh, I thought it said for radical.

[1:17:34] It depends on what movie it is, really.

[1:17:37] Yeah, that's true.

[1:17:40] Macho man to the top rope.

[1:17:47] The flying elbow.

[1:17:48] The cover.

S5

[1:17:52] We've got a new champion.

[1:17:56] We're here with macho man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion.

[1:18:00] What are you going to do now, match?

S4

[1:18:02] I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the tights and fights podcast.

[1:18:07] Oh yeah.

S5

[1:18:07] Tell us more about this podcast.

S4

[1:18:09] It's the podcast of power.

[1:18:11] Too sweet to be sour.

[1:18:12] Funky like a monkey.

[1:18:13] Woke discussions, man.

[1:18:15] And jokes about wrestlers fashion choices.

[1:18:18] Myself excluded.

[1:18:20] Yeah.

[1:18:21] I can't wait to listen.

[1:18:22] Neither can I.

[1:18:23] You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun.

[1:18:26] Oh yeah.

[1:18:28] Dig it.

S5

[1:18:31] If you're looking for a new comedy podcast, why not try the Beef and Dairy Network?

[1:18:36] It won Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards in 2017 and 2018.

[1:18:41] Also, I learned.

[1:18:43] There were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:46] Specialist bovine arse vet.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:48] Both of his eyes are squid's eyes.

S5

[1:18:49] Yogurt buffet.

[1:18:51] She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:54] Farm raised snow leopard.

S5

[1:18:58] Show.

[1:18:59] Download it today.

[1:19:00] That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast from MaximumFun.org.

[1:19:04] Also, maybe start at episode one or weirdly, episode 36, which for some reason requires no

[1:19:09] knowledge of the rest of the show.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:11] Okay, guys.

[1:19:12] Well, it's time to move on to the next section of our show.

[1:19:15] We don't have any businesses sponsoring us today.

[1:19:18] Well, at least not in the-

[1:19:19] Oh, wait, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:19] Wait, wait.

[1:19:19] Before we do, I apologize.

[1:19:21] One thing that says in the IMDb trivia that might have changed our mind, apparently Fantasy

[1:19:25] Island, they wanted Nicolas Cage to play Mr. Rourke.

[1:19:28] Yes.

[1:19:28] It says here.

[1:19:29] But he turned down the role.

[1:19:30] So that might have changed things around in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:32] I can't believe, number one, that we didn't mention that before because I saw the

[1:19:37] same thing.

[1:19:37] And number two, that Nicolas Cage turned down a role.

[1:19:40] But let's move on.

[1:19:44] Like I was saying, no companies are sponsoring us.

[1:19:49] Well, that's not true.

[1:19:50] Jumbotron companies are companies in and of themselves.

[1:19:53] But we've only got Jumbotrons.

[1:19:55] So Elliot, as you are the only one here currently, could you do the Jumbotron that I sent you?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:02] Because when I said, oh, wait, one more thing.

[1:20:05] That was Stuart's cue to leave.

[1:20:08] So I will now do my Jumbotron.

[1:20:10] For decades, Roger Ebert wrote a regular column to create his own definitive list of the great

[1:20:16] movies and foster a love of cinema from all over the world.

[1:20:19] Roger's List is the podcast where Steve Guntley and a rotating cast of co-hosts are setting

[1:20:25] out to watch each and every one of them.

[1:20:27] From the Godfather to Groundhog Day.

[1:20:29] I mean, it's just the G movies, I guess.

[1:20:31] That's just me interjecting.

[1:20:32] You kind of want to do an A movie and a Z movie.

[1:20:34] From beloved staples to underground curios, Steve and his guests are watching them all.

[1:20:38] Check out the funny, insightful, and informative Roger's List podcast today.

[1:20:43] Subscribe to Roger's List on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:20:47] That does sound like an interesting podcast.

[1:20:49] I think I'm going to try it.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:50] Stuart, and you also have a Jumbotron.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:54] Okay.

[1:20:54] Let me just pull it up.

[1:20:56] Let me read this one.

[1:20:57] Yeah.

[1:20:58] Okay.

[1:21:00] This message is for Elliot, Kalen, and Stuart Wellington.

[1:21:06] Okay.

[1:21:07] It's from Binge Listener.

[1:21:10] Okay, Binge Listener.

[1:21:11] You know, odd name, but that's fine.

[1:21:14] Dear Flopperinos, long time and binge listener.

[1:21:18] One thing I have noticed is that it seems like picking on Dan has reached a cruel phase as of late.

[1:21:27] I have spent money to ask that you stop bullying Dan so much on the podcast.

[1:21:33] It makes me sad, and I want to be happy listening to you.

[1:21:38] Well.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:38] I mean, there's a real loophole that has been opened up there,

[1:21:42] which means that you can bully me off the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:45] Uh-huh.

[1:21:45] Yeah.

[1:21:46] Which, I mean, I guess that you do bring up a good point.

[1:21:49] I mean, this is clearly a critique of our performance on the podcast.

[1:21:53] Yeah.

[1:21:53] Because I think it, I mean, I like to think that we are separate people.

[1:21:59] You know, we're performers, and we're also, we have a private life where we're all very close friends.

[1:22:04] Yeah.

[1:22:04] And the show gives us kind of a safe space to try and make each other laugh and perform.

[1:22:10] And I feel like Dan, as a performer, is very good at being kind of the heel sometimes.

[1:22:18] So that leads to...

Dan McCoy

[1:22:21] Is heel accurate so much as, maybe I'm more of a Bob Newhart sort of character where I get a lot of abuse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:28] Yeah, I was going to say doofus.

[1:22:29] More like the doofus who, like, kind of messes things up and then we make fun of him.

[1:22:33] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:22:33] Which is not nice.

[1:22:34] Which is not nice on our part.

[1:22:35] No, no, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:35] But I feel like, at least for me, part of the joke is that I'm a dumb asshole.

[1:22:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:42] No, no, look, look, look, let's address this.

[1:22:44] Let's make it clear.

[1:22:46] These two are much, much, much, much nicer to me off air.

[1:22:50] They're both real sweethearts.

[1:22:53] I mean, other than the times that we all get sort of irritated at one another.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:56] Well, listen, the listeners should know that you are much meaner off air.

[1:22:59] That's true.

[1:23:00] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:01] No, I come across as sort of an affable person if quick to anger.

[1:23:06] But no, no.

[1:23:08] No, the thing is, you know, the strife mostly only comes out off air in the sense that any three friends who now essentially run a business together might get annoyed at one another.

[1:23:19] But other than that, on a personal level, we're all very close.

[1:23:25] Just a reassurance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:27] I think I will, I'll say, listener, I hear your critique.

[1:23:32] I don't fully agree with it.

[1:23:35] It's a critique I've been hit with before.

[1:23:38] And I feel like the abuse we give to Dan sometimes goes too far.

[1:23:43] Often, not far enough.

[1:23:45] But I will quote, to explain my true feelings, which I hope come through more often and which I'll try to have come over more often,

[1:23:53] I'll quote something that my older son Sammy said to me today where he said, I love Dan.

[1:23:58] So there's a lot of love for Dan in my heart and in my house.

[1:24:01] And I know Stuart feels the same way.

[1:24:02] And so we will try to be more loving with him on the podcast.

[1:24:08] No one wants to hear that.

[1:24:10] No, no, Dan, from now on, we're only going to tell you how great you are and how handsome you are.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:15] I can't say that because my voice automatically always sounds sarcastic.

[1:24:21] So even if I'm speaking from my heart, people are like, oh, man, Stuart's winding everybody up again, which does not work well when I'm at the bar and I'm like trying to get a drunk guy to leave calmly.

[1:24:33] They're like, why is this tall, handsome guy being mean to me?

[1:24:37] I want to punch him.

[1:24:38] And I'm like, don't punch me.

[1:24:39] That's my moneymaker.

[1:24:42] I'm talking about the cash register I carry around with myself at all times.

[1:24:45] That you hold on to, you hold in front of your face all the time.

[1:24:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:48] I do like this new precedent that if anyone wants to criticize us, they have to pay us to do it.

[1:24:51] Yeah.

[1:24:52] So thank you, Binge Listener, for setting that up.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:55] Let's keep that going.

[1:24:56] Do not tweet at any of us.

[1:24:59] Instead, yeah, pay a fee to have the critique happen on air.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:05] At this point, I seem to use Twitter almost exclusively as a way to interact with my mom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] I did like when you and your mom were telling each other what was being cooked at your house.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:25:15] Wellington updates, baby.

[1:25:17] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:17] How did the chili turn out, Stuart?

[1:25:19] I felt bad that I couldn't have any.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:23] Yeah, I mean, I went to all the effort to make a delicious chili, and I posted pictures on social media

[1:25:29] because I was hoping I would coax Dan out of his hole and come to my home.

[1:25:33] I had seen Dan posting pictures of his lovely walks around.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:37] It was at Hanterlands.

[1:25:38] I'm not going to come to your home during the pandemic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:40] I just want to point out that I like that Dan took issue with the idea that Stuart was at home,

[1:25:44] but not with the issue with the idea that Dan lives in a hole.

[1:25:47] That was not what let's take an issue with.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:49] Yeah.

[1:25:51] So I had seen Dan posting pictures from Prospect Park, so I knew he was out and about sometimes.

[1:25:57] And so I made chili at Hanterlands.

[1:26:00] It was a special.

[1:26:01] I put a lot of love and a little bit of heat into that chili, and it turned out really good.

[1:26:07] It was very spicy.

[1:26:09] I would say yesterday was close to like a four alarm, but today it's a little bit closer to

[1:26:14] like a two alarm.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:16] Well, I will say, and look, as I've grown older, I'm not embarrassed to share these things

[1:26:22] with people.

[1:26:23] I was not out and about yesterday because I was at home pooping a lot.

[1:26:28] And so chili would not have been the thing for me at that point.

[1:26:33] So, yeah, I apologize that my intestines prevented me from enjoying your cooking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:39] I'll save some for a day when you are not pooping a lot.

[1:26:42] I would love that.

[1:26:43] Just make sure to let me know.

[1:26:45] I mean, we probably can't schedule that in advance because you never know.

[1:26:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:48] Okay.

[1:26:49] Now the plaintiff and the defendant have stated their case.

[1:26:52] Now I, Judge Kalin on chili court, will go into my chambers and figure out who's going

[1:26:57] to win this case.

[1:26:58] Hmm.

[1:26:59] Hmm.

[1:26:59] My chambers, of course, being the bathroom.

[1:27:01] I'm out.

[1:27:01] Okay.

[1:27:02] That was fast.

[1:27:03] And guys, I've made my decision.

[1:27:04] I'm going to issue a writ of habeas poopis and declare in favor of Dan.

[1:27:10] So, Stuart, I'm sorry you missed, you lost this one on chili court, but feel free to bring

[1:27:14] any more of your chili arguments to chili court.

[1:27:16] The one televised court where we only deal with chili.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:19] Yeah.

[1:27:20] You know, that's the thing.

[1:27:20] Like, it's just, it's, it's good enough that I get to play, you know?

[1:27:23] Yeah.

[1:27:24] Thanks for having me.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:25] Now, Elliot.

[1:27:25] It's always a pleasure.

[1:27:27] I believe you had a piece of personal promotion and one for the show.

[1:27:31] You can feel free to do them in whatever order you feel most comfortable with.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:37] Let's start with the one for the show.

[1:27:39] Hey, everybody, in case you weren't paying attention to previous episodes, we're going

[1:27:42] to be doing another live episode for charity.

[1:27:44] That's right.

[1:27:44] On the Flophouse YouTube page on October 24th, one week before Halloween at 9 p.m.

[1:27:50] Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, we'll be talking and maybe rocking about the movie Exorcist 2,

[1:27:56] The Heretic.

[1:27:57] A lot of people enjoyed our Howard the Duck show that's going to be just like that.

[1:28:01] It's going to be the exact experience of a Flophouse live show in your living room or

[1:28:06] wherever your computer is.

[1:28:07] Take it into the bathroom with you.

[1:28:08] I don't care.

[1:28:09] It's on the YouTube page.

[1:28:10] We can't see you.

[1:28:10] You can watch it on your phone, too.

[1:28:12] Yeah, watch it on your phone in the bathroom.

[1:28:13] Or, you know, bring the TV in.

[1:28:15] Maybe you have a tablet.

[1:28:16] Just take it on the toilet and enjoy the show.

[1:28:18] It's going to be at the Flophouse YouTube page.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:19] You can watch on any sort of item, but you must be on the toilet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:24] That's the rule.

[1:28:25] Ironically, it's not our rule.

[1:28:26] That's what the director, John Borman, stipulated about The Exorcist 2, The Heretic.

[1:28:30] Yep.

[1:28:30] That it must be watched on the toilet.

[1:28:32] And so that's going to be October 24th, one week before Halloween.

[1:28:34] We're going to do presentations.

[1:28:35] We'll talk about the movie.

[1:28:37] We'll take some listener questions over Twitter.

[1:28:40] And we're going to be doing it again for charity, for a list of charities that will be up on the Flophouse website.

[1:28:45] So that's that on October 24th.

[1:28:47] Here's an announcement now that's not for charity, but very much for my own personal profit.

[1:28:52] I have a new book out.

[1:28:53] It's a children's book called Sharko and Hippo.

[1:28:55] It is a Marx Brothers-inspired children's book.

[1:28:58] It's not a children's book.

[1:28:59] That's not a thing that exists.

[1:29:00] It's a children's book.

[1:29:02] It's got pictures by the wonderful Andrea Cerumi.

[1:29:05] And that is out in stores or for order online now.

[1:29:09] Please support your local bookstore and get a copy of Sharko and Hippo.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:14] Elliot, I'm going and I am ordering Sharko and Hippo as we speak.

[1:29:21] Oh, cool.

[1:29:22] Walk us through that process.

[1:29:23] Well, I mean, it's pretty much done by now.

[1:29:26] I did not buy a horsemeet's dog, I have to admit.

[1:29:31] But the combination of you and a Marx Brothers-themed or inspired children's book has inspired me to get Horse...

[1:29:44] Or not Horsemeet's Dog.

[1:29:45] That's your old one.

[1:29:45] Get that one, too.

[1:29:46] Sharko and Hippo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:47] I mean, go buy Horsemeet's Dog.

[1:29:48] If you haven't bought Horsemeet's Dog, the one I did with Tim Miller, please buy that, too.

[1:29:51] That one's also hilarious.

[1:29:52] But this one's hilarious, too.

[1:29:54] It's kid-tested, me-approved.

[1:29:56] My kids love it, and I think yours will, too.

[1:29:58] Maybe if you're an adult, you will, too.

[1:29:59] It's called Sharko and Hippo.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:00] I would like to correct myself.

[1:30:01] I have bought Horsemeet's Dog for others.

[1:30:04] As a childless person myself, I did not buy it.

[1:30:06] But this one is for me, Sharko and Hippo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:09] But you've been looking for more bait for your windowless van, and you think Sharko and Hippo might be the book.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:14] Don't.

[1:30:14] Please don't.

[1:30:16] Okay, so...

[1:30:17] Dan, what's the next segment of the show?

[1:30:19] The next segment is letters from listeners like you, the listeners.

[1:30:25] It's a little redundant, but we can't change it now.

[1:30:29] Amos' last name withheld writes this.

[1:30:31] Be nicer to Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:33] Be nicer to Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:36] I make it so hard.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:38] Only the hard things are worth doing.

[1:30:39] We've got to remember that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:40] I feel like he's leaning into it, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:42] Yeah.

[1:30:42] Okay.

[1:30:43] Amos' last name withheld writes,

[1:30:45] As a 90s kid, I grew up with some early 2000s films that I used to love, but in retrospect, were abysmal.

[1:30:52] For example, as a child, I laughed at every stupid joke in the Steve Martin Pink Panther reboot,

[1:30:58] the Leslie Nielsen Mr. Magoo movie, and most bewilderingly of all, even old dogs.

[1:31:05] I can only look back at my childhood in disbelief and wonder why I rewatched those terrible movies countless times.

[1:31:12] So, floppers, my question is, are there any bad movies that were staples of your childhood that you would now flop on the podcast?

[1:31:21] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:31:23] Amos' last name withheld.

[1:31:26] My brother, John, insists that I loved the Water Babies movie when I was a kid, the cartoon.

[1:31:35] I maintain...

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:36] Water babies, they make your dreams come true.

[1:31:40] I maintain that...

[1:31:41] Water babies, but not in a scary Fantasy Island way.

[1:31:44] If you want to have your dream, but you don't want it to turn into zombies, don't go to Fantasy Island.

[1:31:52] Instead, hang out with the Water Babies.

[1:31:54] Water, water, water, water.

[1:31:57] Bay, bay, babies.

[1:32:00] Et cetera.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:02] So, as I was saying, I maintain that...

[1:32:04] Wait, wait, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:05] Jordan, leave a pause there for the applause from the listeners at home.

[1:32:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:09] Longer pause.

[1:32:11] Longer pause, more applause.

[1:32:12] Okay, thank you.

[1:32:13] I maintain that I was just a five-year-old who would watch any cartoon in front of me.

[1:32:19] But later on, there are...

[1:32:22] Like, in the dumb comedy realm of this, I remember watching, like, some John Candy things that, like...

[1:32:27] You know, John Candy, always charming, not often in the movies best served by the material given to him.

[1:32:35] So, I would watch, you know, like, Who's Harry Crumb?

[1:32:37] Which I'm sure would not, like, bring me much joy these days.

[1:32:42] I remember thinking that Delirious actually had some pretty funny stuff.

[1:32:45] I wonder if it would hold up.

[1:32:46] But that was another one I would see a lot.

[1:32:48] What do you guys have?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:51] I mean, when I was a kid, I watched a lot of movies that I still love.

[1:32:54] Gremlins 2, The Star Wars Is, and stuff like that.

[1:32:58] But we also, in my house, we watched Teen Wolf a lot.

[1:33:00] And we've talked about Teen Wolf on the podcast.

[1:33:02] But that is very...

[1:33:03] That's one probably for us to keep in mind, actually, for a future special show.

[1:33:08] Because that is...

[1:33:09] There's a lot to dig into about that dumb movie.

[1:33:11] And it is...

[1:33:11] It's so dumb.

[1:33:13] Like, it's so...

[1:33:13] And every...

[1:33:14] I'm sure there's stuff I'm forgetting about it that's dumb.

[1:33:16] But we used to watch it constantly because it was my sister's favorite movie.

[1:33:20] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:21] I mean, I don't know.

[1:33:22] I watched all your normal stuff.

[1:33:24] My wife and I have been re-watching...

[1:33:26] Not re-watching.

[1:33:27] We've been watching for the first time the television show Cobra Kai.

[1:33:30] So it made me think about how many times I watched the Karate Kid movies.

[1:33:35] And how I never really considered the trauma that would be inflicted in you.

[1:33:39] Even if you win the karate tournament, the bullying, you know, it stays with you, you know.

[1:33:45] But I don't know.

[1:33:46] Like you guys were saying, like, for a while, like, the movie I was most excited about and couldn't stop thinking about was Second Sight with John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot.

[1:33:57] Like, I would just think of the movie poster and I'd be...

[1:34:01] It'd sweep me away into a new world of imagination.

[1:34:05] And, you know, movies like that.

[1:34:07] I think my brother's favorite movie was Ski Patrol.

[1:34:09] So I watched Ski Patrol a lot.

[1:34:12] And by my brother's...

[1:34:13] Yeah, I mean, it was my brother's favorite.

[1:34:14] It was, like, in my top five, probably.

[1:34:17] And having re-watched that recently after our Howard the Duck live show, you know what?

[1:34:22] Still good.

[1:34:23] Nothing wrong with that movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:24] I think that there are a lot of movies probably with, like, big comedy stars of that era that I would, like, give a shot even though...

[1:34:32] And keep watching even though they were not good just because of who was in it.

[1:34:37] Like, I remember, like, watching Loose Cannons with Dan Aykroyd and Gene Hackman.

[1:34:42] And it's like, this is an awful, awful movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:46] I feel like I saw Armed and Dangerous, like, every other week when I was a kid somehow.

[1:34:51] Or, like, The Toy.

[1:34:52] And I never liked them.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:53] The Millions, I saw over and over again because it was always on WGN.

[1:34:56] And I'm like, it was just good enough.

[1:34:59] Just good enough.

[1:35:00] But not any better.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:03] Yeah, I watched that recently because I didn't remember it at all.

[1:35:06] And Charlene was like, you don't remember Brewster's Millions?

[1:35:09] So we watched Brewster's Millions.

[1:35:12] I feel like the thing is, and we've talked about this probably quite a bit.

[1:35:15] But, like, a lot of the movies that I watched a lot that I consider to be kind of bad.

[1:35:19] Part of the reason why I think they're kind of bad is because of things that I wouldn't really want to joke about on a podcast.

[1:35:25] Like, I don't know, like Sixteen Candles or Revenge of the Nerds or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:28] Well, there's a lot of, there's movies with problematic stuff, too.

[1:35:31] Yeah.

[1:35:31] Of course, when you're a kid in the 80s, you don't fully notice.

[1:35:34] But there are other movies where it's like, like, like Baby Legend of the Lost Dinosaur or something, where I'm sure there's both problematic aspects.

[1:35:42] And if I watch it now, I'd be like, what is this?

[1:35:45] Like, how did I watch this over and over?

[1:35:46] I was going to have VHS cassette home.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:48] I was so fucking excited that I was going to see a fucking dinosaur.

[1:35:52] Yeah.

[1:35:53] The VHS tape, I rented from the grocery store because that's where you got VHS tapes.

[1:35:58] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:59] Along with Tammy the T-Rex and Theodore Rex.

[1:36:02] You had, you know, like, all three of them together.

[1:36:05] Stag of tapes.

[1:36:07] This triple feature.

[1:36:08] This next one's from Connor Lasting withheld.

[1:36:11] Who writes...

[1:36:11] John Connor on the future.

[1:36:13] Oh, wow.

[1:36:14] Dear Peaches, I was wondering if you guys had any favorite foreign rip-off cinema.

[1:36:19] For example, Turkish Star Wars, Indian Superman, etc.

[1:36:24] You might be able to pass along.

[1:36:26] Yours in flop, Connor Lasting withheld.

[1:36:29] Just this last year, I watched Lady Terminator from Indonesia, which was a lot of fun.

[1:36:35] And, like, it's a movie that takes the basic outline of the Terminator for its, like, maybe second and third acts.

[1:36:49] But the first act is all about, like...

[1:36:52] The setup is different.

[1:36:53] Like, there's this ancient sex goddess, like, snake goddess who gets a curse on her.

[1:37:02] Like, it's a very different kind of feel.

[1:37:05] It's a lot more mystical.

[1:37:07] But it's a very entertaining movie.

[1:37:08] That wasn't in the original Terminator?

[1:37:10] No.

[1:37:11] It's extremely entertaining.

[1:37:12] It's a fun one.

[1:37:15] Anyone else have anything?

[1:37:16] Or not?

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:17] I don't know.

[1:37:17] I mean, I am a fan of Turkish Star Wars.

[1:37:19] I think it gets kind of dull after a while.

[1:37:21] But the first ten minutes or so of that is pretty fun, like, nonsense.

[1:37:27] And I love the fact that the backgrounds they're using for the space fight scenes is just footage from Star Wars.

[1:37:33] So you'll see the, like, battle footage from Star Wars in the background.

[1:37:37] And the character, like, spaceships flying through spaceships and things like that.

[1:37:40] But, yeah, I don't know.

[1:37:43] I wonder if there's any off the top of my head.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:43] Yeah, I actually don't have a lot of experience with this sort of stuff.

[1:37:46] It's, like, I feel like it's a pretty big staple of, like, bad movie culture.

[1:37:50] Yeah.

[1:37:51] That I, that was never really part of my schooling.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:56] I mean, I will acknowledge that there is perhaps an icky side to, like, the idea of, like,

[1:38:03] okay, well, these other cultures have done, like, this bad version of a Hollywood blockbuster and laughing at that.

[1:38:10] But I also, and I understand, like, that part of it I don't care for.

[1:38:16] But sometimes you watch these movies and it's, like, you know, Be Kind Rewind where you're watching these Hollywood style movies, like, done in this handmade way that makes them a lot more charming.

[1:38:30] And then, like, people throwing in elements from local culture to, like, you know, make it, make it their own.

[1:38:38] That's a lot of fun.

[1:38:40] Yeah, there's some joy of cinema.

[1:38:42] Yeah.

[1:38:43] So those are the letters for this episode.

[1:38:48] And there's one last thing we need to do before signing off for this Flophouse.

[1:38:54] And that is make recommendations of movies that you may want to watch instead of fan-exceling.

[1:39:01] Let's just say that.

[1:39:03] It's Shocktober.

[1:39:05] So I'm going to recommend a movie that it was recommended previously, but way back by Paul Saborin as a guest.

[1:39:13] None of us said anything about it in particular.

[1:39:16] And that is Train to Busan, which I finally got around to watching.

[1:39:20] I sort of put it off because I will be honest with you guys.

[1:39:23] I'm kind of zombied out.

[1:39:25] Used to be my favorite of the major horror monsters.

[1:39:29] Now I'm like, can we just stop with the zombies?

[1:39:32] But it is a very kinetic.

[1:39:34] That is a great title for a zombie movie, though.

[1:39:37] Can we just stop with the zombies?

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:38] That is like the attitude of the, like, nerdy brother from the mummy franchise by the time they get to the third mummy movie.

[1:39:45] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:46] Stop with the mummies.

[1:39:48] You've talked about his character arc, right?

[1:39:49] From I don't believe in mummies.

[1:39:51] I'm scared of mummies.

[1:39:52] I'm tired of mummies.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:55] Well, Train to Busan is a Korean horror movie.

[1:39:59] And it shares with, oddly enough, Snowpiercer being trapped on a train element and the sort of class undercurrent, the metaphor of the movie.

[1:40:15] But very different.

[1:40:16] It's very much an action horror movie with, like, just wanting to supply you with thrills.

[1:40:22] And it won me over, like I said.

[1:40:24] Too many zombies in my life before this movie.

[1:40:28] Not sure I need to see a lot more zombie movies unless they bring something new to the table.

[1:40:31] But this one, Audrey told me I had to recommend it because she could hear me from the other room yelling at the screen at different points.

[1:40:41] Like, no, why?

[1:40:42] Don't.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:43] Stop.

[1:40:43] No.

[1:40:43] So, yeah.

[1:40:45] It's like a really well-made movie.

[1:40:47] And there are a bunch of great sequences where you're like, no, no, no, no, no.

[1:40:50] Don't do that.

[1:40:51] Yeah.

[1:40:51] And the production values are astonishing.

[1:40:53] Yes.

[1:40:54] Like, it looks amazing.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:55] Yeah.

[1:40:55] You know.

[1:40:56] So, if you're looking for, like, a fun horror movie this season, that's a good one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:00] Yeah.

[1:41:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:01] That's high energy.

[1:41:04] Yeah.

[1:41:06] I'm going to recommend a horror movie.

[1:41:08] This is a smaller horror movie.

[1:41:10] I'm going to recommend Bliss, which you can watch on Shudder.

[1:41:14] It was written and directed by Joe Begos, who recently did a movie called VFW.

[1:41:22] It's this little micro-budget movie about an artist who is having a little bit of artist block.

[1:41:30] And she gets deeper and deeper into her drug addiction.

[1:41:35] And she encounters a drug that basically turns her into a bloodthirsty maniac.

[1:41:43] But at the same time, even though she's coping with struggling with what she is doing, it's also fueling her art.

[1:41:53] So, it kind of, you know, it's kind of a silly movie.

[1:41:56] And some of the performances are wonderfully stiff.

[1:42:00] But I think there's an honesty to the way it presents addiction and art and partying.

[1:42:06] And it's pretty fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:09] I'm going to recommend, since I had a movie to recommend, that I'm going to change my recommendation.

[1:42:15] Because I forgot I should have a horror movie recommendation.

[1:42:17] So, stay tuned for a different movie on a different episode.

[1:42:21] But I'm going to recommend a movie that I thought I'd recommended before, but I guess I hadn't.

[1:42:25] And that's The Others, starring Nicole Kidman, which is a great horror movie for people who don't like horror movies.

[1:42:31] I really like it a lot.

[1:42:32] I remember seeing it in the theaters when it came out in 2001 and really being, like, swept away by it, you know.

[1:42:38] And a few years ago on Halloween, I really wanted to watch a horror movie.

[1:42:41] My wife is not a big horror movie fan.

[1:42:43] She does not like to be scared.

[1:42:44] And we watched this and she really liked it a lot.

[1:42:46] And so, if you happen to be in that situation, let's say you have a partner who is not into scary movies,

[1:42:51] then The Others is a real spooky, old-fashioned ghost story to watch.

[1:42:55] And Nicole Kidman's great in it.

[1:42:57] And the movie looks beautiful.

[1:42:58] And I will recommend it.

[1:43:01] Sounds great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:03] Yeah, that's a great one.

[1:43:04] I feel like that's a movie that has appreciation for it.

[1:43:09] Like, people liked it when it first came out.

[1:43:10] It may have even been nominated for some stuff.

[1:43:12] But I feel like it is kind of a low-key, like, I guess, like, foundational, like, horror movie.

[1:43:22] I mean, it's just one of those things where, like, I think its esteem has grown over, like, quietly grown over time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:28] I think it's a very non-flashy horror movie in a lot of ways.

[1:43:32] And I think it just, like, yeah, it pulls off the fundamentals of a very old-fashioned type of ghost story very well.

[1:43:39] And Nicole Kidman's performance in it is fantastic.

[1:43:43] And, like, it's a movie that, like, when it first came out, I remember being disappointed that it kind of came and went, kind of disappeared.

[1:43:49] But, according to Wikipedia, it made $200 million to the box office, I guess, worldwide.

[1:43:54] So, I guess it didn't disappear that much.

[1:43:58] No, I remember it being a minor hit.

[1:44:00] This one was sticking out.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:00] Especially because, like, a slow-burn ghost story was not a thing that was, you know, like, so big at the time.

[1:44:09] Like, I feel like we've actually gotten more into that kind of horror being a thing again recently.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:16] Well, it's like you were talking about those A24 movies, and the others kind of feels like a little bit of a...

[1:44:20] Precursor to that.

[1:44:21] Yeah, it's a link between, like, an old, older movie like The Haunting and those current kind of A24 atmosphere 24 movies.

[1:44:29] Turn that atmosphere up to 24 with A24.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:33] So, that's this show in the books.

[1:44:37] But, fear not, another Shocktober episode is coming right up in a couple of weeks.

[1:44:45] Two weeks.

[1:44:46] Two weeks, in fact.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:47] The show is released every two weeks, with many episodes on the alternating weeks, and will continue to be like that.

[1:44:54] Okay, well, thanks.

[1:44:55] You might say it's spookily regularly scheduled.

[1:44:58] Yep.

[1:44:59] You can say that.

[1:45:01] You might say it's frighteningly consistent in your podcast app feed.

[1:45:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:06] Okay, guys.

[1:45:07] This room's hot, so let's wrap it on up.

[1:45:11] Thank you to Jordan for editing the show.

[1:45:16] Jordan Cowling, you mean?

[1:45:16] Yep.

[1:45:17] Thank you to you guys for being here.

[1:45:18] Thank you for me guys for being here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:20] Thank you, Dan, for being you.

[1:45:21] Yeah, thanks, Dan, for always doing everything you do all the time.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:25] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:28] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:45:30] And I'm Elliot Kalin, saying thanks for listening.

[1:45:34] Bye.

[1:45:36] Bye.

[1:45:51] Now, you may ask, did I think that maybe I should do a joke there where I kept going?

[1:45:56] And I did think that, and I decided, eh, let's just end the episode.

Ep. #325 - Fantasy Island

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