Ep. #325 - Fantasy Island

[0:00] on this episode we discuss fantasy island you best start believing in fantasy island

[0:07] dear listeners because you're in one you're in an island

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy!

[0:47] I'm Stuart Wellington!

[0:50] And this is Elliot Kalin! Big energy!

[0:53] Wow!

[0:55] Hey!

[0:56] What time of year is it, Dan?

[0:58] I was going to ask you.

[1:00] I looked at the calendar, and lo and behold, Shocktober is here.

[1:05] It feels like it's earlier every year.

[1:07] The time when we celebrate scares and spooks and thrills and chills and kills.

[1:15] Oh, wow.

[1:17] Well, we'll find out.

[1:18] And sometimes the early Star Wars screenplay draft, Journal of the Wills.

[1:22] um yeah it's our you know it's our horror movie uh themed month unlike the early years of the

[1:29] flophouse which was every other movie was a horror movie yeah we well watch what you know

[1:36] that's what they say right yeah that's exactly what they say only in only partake in media that

[1:41] immediately uh fulfills your uh limited worldview is what they say right that's why the entirety of

[1:47] my entertainment is the cctv feed inside my own house wow uh sounds would you would you file that

[1:56] if you were stocking that uh that movie in a blockbuster video where would you put it elliot

[2:01] yeah uh sometimes in comedy sometimes in adults oh wow okay i guess you can't be comedy all the

[2:09] time you know so very rarely in documentary which is ironic are you watching are you watching the

[2:14] feed while it's adult because i i would argue you need to you should probably be paying more

[2:18] attention to you know the matter at hand at that point well no i'm a 21st century i'm a 21st

[2:23] century millennial so i live my life through screens so i don't actually know if i'm being

[2:27] intimate with another human unless i'm seeing it happen through a screen at the same time fair

[2:31] enough okay well very patrick bateman way of approaching life uh yeah exactly i saw american

[2:36] psycho and i was like yes this guy understands it's not it's not his body that's experiencing

[2:42] these things that matters it's the reflection of himself that other people can see that matters

[2:46] and huey lewis and the news is great uh fair enough this is where patrick and i split ways

[2:53] alexa play huey lewis and the news sports that's for you jesse um let's uh let's i realized i only

[3:02] explained one half which is what we do this month but not overall okay which is that we watch a bad

[3:07] movie and then we talk about it or you know a presumed bad movie we we we like to make up our

[3:11] on mind yeah yeah we're not sheeple and so shocktober is horror movies right and in this

[3:16] case we watched a movie that was critically panned but financially quite successful it was a hit

[3:21] and uh i think it like this is we watch fantasy island and i think it's a blumhouse release and

[3:27] i think it's uh instructive maybe to say a few words about blumhouse off off the top because i

[3:32] feel like sure modern horror is kind of split into the blumhouse thing or the a24 thing and

[3:40] A24 is, you know, mostly all prestige, all the time, slow burn horror movies.

[3:47] Yeah.

[3:47] Imagine a trailer with stark imagery, dollhouses, winter, sparse strings accompany these images.

[3:57] Heavy atmosphere.

[3:58] The A in A24 stands for atmosphere, and 24 is the amount of atmosphere, which is roughly equal to the surface of Venus.

[4:06] Yes.

[4:07] And Blumhouse Films, they've become very successful.

[4:12] They started out with a couple of franchises that were hugely successful, like Paranormal Activity and The Purge were big for them.

[4:23] And these are movies that are sort of like, a lot of their movies are based on a hook.

[4:28] And they've moved into more prestige-y horror.

[4:31] But not the movie hook.

[4:33] No, not the movie hook.

[4:34] Although that is a horror movie in many ways.

[4:37] What about Candyman?

[4:39] Candyman has a hook.

[4:40] Another hook-based horror movie.

[4:42] Candyman does have a hook.

[4:42] What about Dr. Hook?

[4:46] Dr. Hook?

[4:47] Yeah.

[4:47] Yeah, musician Dr. Hook.

[4:49] Oh, okay, I'm not aware of that.

[4:50] The Hook by Blues Traveler?

[4:52] Yeah, it does bring you back.

[4:54] Anyway, continue.

[4:55] Blumhouse is more the William Castle type,

[4:59] hey, we're going to have a crazy idea that gets you in the door.

[5:01] Yeah, they're more the fun.

[5:02] I mean, they've gotten into more prestige-y horror movies,

[5:05] like they released Get Out,

[5:07] But that's also, like, a glossy horror movie that, even though it's taking on serious issues, is more of, like, you're still going to have, like, a fun, like, ride watching it as well.

[5:19] Dan McCoy raves about Get Out, a fun ride.

[5:23] Well, no, I don't want to – I don't want to be – it kind of is.

[5:26] I don't want to be misconstrued, but it is, like, yeah, it is, like, both –

[5:31] Check your brain at the door, says Dan McCoy.

[5:32] It is both, as I said, both dealing with serious issues and a fun, enjoyable movie to watch.

[5:38] But, like, they do a lot of silly stuff.

[5:42] They did Happy Death Day, which I enjoyed a lot.

[5:45] But they also do, like, dumb things that are based on a hook.

[5:49] Like Truth or Dare, for instance, which we watched for Shocktober in the past.

[5:53] And now we watch Fantasy Island, which, of course, is...

[5:56] Yeah, or Whiplash.

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:59] Fantasy Island is also a Blumhouse production.

[6:01] I feel like Blumhouse also, I don't mean to, I haven't checked all the budgets, but I feel like they have a tendency to do pretty small budget movies with the hope of, you know, a big return.

[6:12] Like horror as a genre generally has been that in the past, right?

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:17] Where you can make a movie fairly cheaply and if you get a hit, you make a ton of money back.

[6:22] Yeah.

[6:22] And I feel like that's the Blumhouse model.

[6:24] Horror has long been probably the second most profitable type of movie based on original investment.

[6:30] Yeah.

[6:31] after pornography which is but like that if that it's been that way for you know 70 years or so

[6:38] and blumhouse has been riding that wave yeah they and they do a pretty good job of it and this is

[6:44] another high concept uh horror movie from them wherein they take the you know the 70s uh light

[6:52] fantasy uh drama television drama fantasy island and they have turned it into a horror movie with

[7:00] The Sinister Twist.

[7:01] Now, were you guys fans of the original television show

[7:05] that this is based on?

[7:06] I only know it culturally.

[7:08] Like, I know references to it.

[7:10] I don't know that I remember.

[7:10] Fantasy Island is a little before my time.

[7:12] I was a baby when it ended,

[7:14] or I was three years old when it ended.

[7:15] I've only ever seen one episode of it,

[7:18] which I saw in syndication,

[7:19] which involved the only fantasies I remember from it

[7:21] are Don Adams from Get Smart was one of the guest stars.

[7:24] And he had a fantasy of wanting to-

[7:25] Not the cartoonist?

[7:26] Not the cartoonist.

[7:27] No, that's Don Martin.

[7:28] Jesus Christ.

[7:29] Yeah, that's not Don Martin, not Mr. Phone Boom.

[7:31] I look like such an asshole.

[7:32] You should feel that way.

[7:35] You should feel that way, and I'm glad you feel that way right now.

[7:38] Oh, my God.

[7:38] It was Don Adams.

[7:39] But don't edit it out.

[7:40] Leave it in.

[7:41] I need to feel this.

[7:42] No, no, yeah, Stewart needs to take his lumps.

[7:44] If I've been saying it for a long time, Stewart's finally going to get his when he gets his Don's mixed up.

[7:48] And it's not Don's the diner from my hometown that I used to go to as a kid and eventually closed down.

[7:56] So Don Adams, his fantasy was to be a World War I pilot, and he just walked through a door and was one, and it was kind of goofy.

[8:04] That was supposed to be a goofy thing, because he's Don Adams.

[8:06] He's like, whoa, whoa, ah!

[8:07] It was kind of a run-through for Inspector Gadget in some ways.

[8:09] The other fantasy was that an old woman who was played by a young woman in makeup, and I don't remember this guest star,

[8:15] because the idea of Fantasy Island was that guest stars would show up as characters and magically live out their fantasies for a magic wishing well.

[8:23] her fantasy was that she would be young again for a day

[8:26] so she could have sex again with a man.

[8:28] Oh, wow.

[8:29] It was so, I think they couched it in terms of like love,

[8:32] but it was very clearly like she wants to be young again for a day

[8:36] so that she can be with men, for as many men as possible in this day.

[8:39] And she does.

[8:40] They give her some kind of potion and the old age makeup comes off

[8:43] and she's just romancing dudes.

[8:45] Now, the other thing I remember is Daffy Duck's Fantasy Island.

[8:48] Yes, I remember that much better.

[8:50] Looney Tunes repack movie.

[8:51] And was that Daffy Duck's fantasy as well?

[8:54] To become young again and romance some dudes?

[8:57] Yes, exactly.

[8:58] It was Daffy Duck's fantasy to be young, which is crazy because he's already a cartoon duck.

[9:02] He's eternally young.

[9:03] And to finally get with Bugs.

[9:06] And it was pretty tender.

[9:08] The scene is very tender.

[9:09] And the saddest part is when Bugs and Daffy, they're lying with each other in the afterglow.

[9:14] And Daffy realizes that he finally achieved his fantasy, but that's all it's ever going to be.

[9:19] And Bugs Bunny kind of disappears in his arms.

[9:21] And Daffy runs into Bugs the next day at work.

[9:24] And Bugs is like, what's wrong, Daffy?

[9:25] And Daffy's like, I got my dream come true.

[9:27] And it's just like a bittersweet moment.

[9:30] So that was actually very beautiful.

[9:31] It's weird.

[9:31] I never really got that vibe from those two guys that they had feelings for each other.

[9:36] But I guess that's a subtext I just didn't pick up on as a kid.

[9:39] I mean, that kind of shows you that sometimes, depending on how old you are, your life experiences, you experience things differently.

[9:45] Well, it also depends on the Looney Tunes director.

[9:46] In Frizz Freelings cartoons, they were super straight.

[9:49] In Chuck Jones cartoons, they were clearly into each other.

[9:51] yeah so let's let's talk about blumhouse fantasy islands too okay so uh yeah let's i'm gonna be

[9:59] driving this car and in order to do that i need to pull up my notes now i do have to point out

[10:03] uh that when i pull up my notes luckily it's going to hide the skype screen so i don't have

[10:07] to be constantly distracted that dan and elliot are wearing the exact same t-shirt they are very

[10:12] similar they're similar i would it's exactly the same size and everything no no i've got a v-neck

[10:19] Because it's a crew neck.

[10:20] Elliot's stripes are fatter.

[10:23] I've got, like, thin white stripes.

[10:26] Yep, that is the two types of podcaster.

[10:29] Yeah, we both have blue and white horizontal stripes on.

[10:33] Yeah.

[10:34] So we open on an island resort where a woman is running in terror.

[10:39] She runs into what seems to be, like, the office of this island resort.

[10:46] She is frightened and she is worried that she has been abducted by some masked goons and she picks up the phone and the person on the other end tries to reassure her, but then knows her name.

[10:59] So that's, you know, that sticks the knife in a little bit.

[11:02] Not literally, you know, figuratively.

[11:03] And the goons show up, drag her away, and we see on the desk a name placard, Mr. Rourke.

[11:11] Uh-oh, that's Mr. Rourke from the TV show of the same name, played famously by Ricardo Montalban.

[11:19] What?

[11:19] The TV show Fantasy Island, the same name as the movie, not the same, the TV show wasn't called Mr. Rourke.

[11:24] It wasn't called Mr. Rourke?

[11:26] No.

[11:26] It could have been.

[11:28] So, and he was played by Ricardo Montalban in the TV show, as we'll see later, not the movie.

[11:35] So, later or earlier, we don't know.

[11:39] I'm glad you pointed that out, that they didn't reanimate Ricardo Montalban for the film.

[11:42] Yeah, so later earlier, you know, it's not super clear.

[11:46] We are at the same island.

[11:48] It is daytime.

[11:49] A plane is arriving bearing, what is it, four, five?

[11:55] Five attractive 30-somethings who have won a VIP contest to be guests at Fantasy Island.

[12:02] That's the official name.

[12:03] A mysterious island resort that is, you know, is rumored about, talked about on the internet where you can get your wildest dreams can come true.

[12:12] The resort appears to be like a fairly normal upscale island resort.

[12:19] It's a little overstaffed.

[12:20] It's a little over decorated.

[12:22] But it also feels oddly empty at times.

[12:24] You know, it's that kind of it's it's going for that perfect sweet spot.

[12:27] Yeah.

[12:28] Keep reviewing it.

[12:29] Keep reviewing it.

[12:30] I want to know your full review of the resort.

[12:32] How do the cocktails that they talk a lot about later look?

[12:36] What do you think about that?

[12:36] I would say they look pretty delicious.

[12:40] I would imagine they're overpriced, but it could be all-inclusive.

[12:45] They don't really cover it since they've won a contest to be here,

[12:47] so I'm guessing everything.

[12:48] Did they win a contest?

[12:50] Is that how it was explained?

[12:51] Because I missed that part, and then there's later revelations

[12:54] where I'm like, well, how do these people know about Fantasy Island?

[12:56] Yeah, they won a contest.

[12:58] I'm guessing they, I'm sure they mentioned it at the beginning where they like, I don't know, like hit like on an Instagram or something and everybody, and then like a letter came in the mail or came in their inbox.

[13:11] I don't know.

[13:12] It was the old hit the monkey pop-up ad.

[13:14] So we are introduced to our cast of characters.

[13:19] We have a pair of brothers who are also kind of bros, played by Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang.

[13:25] They are JD and Brax.

[13:27] Now, you might recognize, now, Ryan Hansen, of course, was Dick Casablancas on Veronica Mars.

[13:35] He was also in Party Down, playing kind of a similar doofus.

[13:38] And Jimmy Yang, he's from Silicon Valley, is probably where most people might know him.

[13:46] Yeah, I think he's a stand-up.

[13:48] And also, the two of them played business partners in another movie recently, so I guess they were just on a hot streak.

[13:56] yeah they were in uh what uh like a boss i think was the movie okay now what kind of name is brax

[14:02] i i don't know they keep calling him brax and i'm like so is he a gi joe bad guy like what's

[14:08] going on i don't understand i've never heard the name brax before well his brother keeps calling

[14:12] him t which will turn out to be quite significant later on it's a real mystery yeah i think he calls

[14:21] him t i mean i don't want to spoil anything but i also don't remember the movie uh i'm assuming

[14:26] he's calling him t because he got that liar liar disease where he can only tell the truth

[14:31] we'll find out if i'm right later on okay so uh audience listeners write down your guess why does

[14:37] he call him t in this fantasy island reboot and you'll find out in the middle of the show whether

[14:43] you're right or not so uh we also have melanie played by resident pretty little liar lucy hale

[14:51] And she's kind of like a damaged

[14:53] Mysterious young woman

[14:54] We have Gwen

[14:56] Played by Maggie Q

[14:59] Who is kind of regretful

[15:01] And skeptical

[15:01] And then we have Patrick

[15:04] Who is a cop

[15:06] Who wants to be a soldier

[15:07] Played by Austin Stowell

[15:10] We have a couple of

[15:13] Flophouse doubles here

[15:14] Because we did Live Free or Die Hard, right?

[15:16] Did we do that?

[15:20] Oh, no, we did a good day to die hard.

[15:22] Never mind.

[15:22] So she's not a Flophouse double,

[15:24] but the director of this movie did direct Truth or Dare.

[15:26] Yeah, which I believe also had Lucy Hale in it.

[15:28] I'm not sure about that,

[15:30] but I think that she is in the Blumhouse stable.

[15:32] Yes, she was in it.

[15:33] Yeah.

[15:33] So Lucy Hale and the director, Jeff Wadlow,

[15:38] I wonder if he's related to Robert Wadlow,

[15:40] the tallest man in recorded history,

[15:41] eight foot, 11 and a half inches tall.

[15:43] But I don't know.

[15:45] I don't have it in my notes, so you could be right.

[15:47] I'm going to do some research on that,

[15:48] But there's some Flophouse repeats.

[15:50] Yeah.

[15:50] So, you know, we get to introduce to our gang.

[15:53] And then hiding off in the bushes, that's right, there's an extra person on this island.

[15:58] That's Michael Rooker.

[15:59] And I was like, hell yeah, Michael Rooker's in this.

[16:02] He's not in it much, though, so every scant Michael Rooker moment is a treat for you.

[16:08] Hold on to those.

[16:09] Clutch them close to your chest.

[16:10] Everyone has a Michael Rooker moment.

[16:13] Yeah, they talk a little bit about the island as they're being, you know, like ushered around by island, by the resort staff that the island supposedly promises.

[16:25] Hold on a second.

[16:25] Sorry, I hate to say it.

[16:26] We have another double because I forgot that Ryan Hansen is also in the Friday the 13th remake, which we did on the Flophouse.

[16:32] Okay, well, that was worth the interruption.

[16:34] So the island promises a unique fantasy experience tailored to each guest.

[16:43] They are all immediately skeptical, particularly Gwen.

[16:47] And then she looks in a mirror and sees a ghost.

[16:50] So I guess that's what her fantasy is.

[16:52] If Hallie was on Fantasy Island, then she would be like,

[16:55] I did it, I saw a ghost, time to go home.

[16:57] Yeah, time to take that plane with the little inflatable things on the feet back home.

[17:05] I think it's just called a hydroplane.

[17:06] They're not called planes with inflatable feet?

[17:09] I don't think they're inflatable.

[17:11] The plane with inflatable feet.

[17:13] Then how does it float, Elliot?

[17:14] They're just hollow.

[17:15] What?

[17:17] Like, not everything that floats is inflatable.

[17:18] But is there air in there?

[17:20] Is it like a pontoon?

[17:22] Is that what it is?

[17:23] A pontoon?

[17:24] Yeah, let's call it a pontoon.

[17:25] Yeah.

[17:26] So, yeah, I mean, we get all these characters kind of sketched out.

[17:32] They talk about, they're all, like, speculating as to how the island is going to achieve their fantasies.

[17:37] Somebody suggests LARPing, and you know what?

[17:39] LARPing's pretty cool, guys.

[17:41] I would have to say that in the last year or two,

[17:43] probably the two most rewarding gaming experiences

[17:46] I've personally had were involved in LARPs.

[17:49] I mean, this was obviously pre-COVID.

[17:50] But man, yeah, LARPing, all about it.

[17:52] Okay, so...

[17:54] One other thing that we learned about this island,

[17:56] you don't tip the waitstaff.

[17:58] Yeah, you don't tip the waitstaff.

[18:00] I mean, that's not that big of a surprise

[18:02] for an all-inclusive place, Elliot.

[18:03] I mean, it certainly isn't worth mentioning

[18:06] in your review of Fantasy Island.

[18:07] Not the movie, I'm talking about the...

[18:10] No, no, when I write it up on Yelp, I'm going to mention that I was made to feel a little uncomfortable when my attendant at the hotel, when my, what are they called?

[18:20] The guys who help you with your bags?

[18:21] A bellhop?

[18:22] Bellhop, thank you.

[18:23] I mean, they didn't really have a bell and they didn't hop, so it's not a great name.

[18:27] But when the bellhop said, no, we don't accept tips, he said it with that kind of condescending, like, ugh, don't give me money.

[18:33] And I would have been written up in a review.

[18:35] I was offended by that.

[18:36] Okay, we just arrived on this island, guys.

[18:38] let's uh let's keep moving sure yep so uh the host uh the guy who runs this place Mr. Rourke

[18:45] shows up and at this point everybody is like oh man something bad happened in his office earlier

[18:50] that's right now Mr. Rourke is played by Michael Pena uh a performer who normally has quite a bit

[18:55] of charisma here he has decided to forget it uh wow it's no I mean it's Michael Pena is a great

[19:02] actor but i feel like they had him play it down which seems strange because like i mean you're

[19:09] inevitably going to compare him to a performer like ricardo montalban who let's generally plays

[19:13] it fairly big yeah well they're telling him i think to play it mysterious yeah uh and ricardo

[19:19] montalban was literally providing good fantasies to people so he didn't have to pretend that he

[19:24] had secrets that's true i mean but even those good fantasies part of the whole idea of that

[19:29] show was that they would uh you know introduce a they would give you your fantasy and then you'd

[19:33] realize oh maybe that wasn't what i wanted after all yes so there was kind of a dark side so it

[19:39] wasn't you know whatever uh so mr orc shows up explains that they are going to experience their

[19:43] fantasy after a good night's rest but not so fast and he takes jd and brax off right away and takes

[19:49] them to a crazy party at like a separate beach house that's kind of like the mtv beach house

[19:54] uh there's like jet ski stunts and they kind of just enjoy this fantasy their fantasy seems to be

[19:59] about being like rich and famous yeah and uh i don't know the specific i can't remember they

[20:04] said that their fantasy was to have it all and so i guess to have it all means they just have

[20:09] like a mansion with a pool with a bunch of attractive people around and they like smoke

[20:14] pot and there's a dj and stuff and and drax they make a point like it's brax brax sorry

[20:21] Drax is from another planet

[20:23] Brax

[20:25] Brax is gay

[20:28] which is

[20:29] reiterated several times

[20:31] the main way that they

[20:36] make this a thing

[20:37] is by just saying it a lot

[20:39] which is fine

[20:41] I don't need him to

[20:43] it's never a punchline

[20:45] which surprised me

[20:46] what I was going to say is other than

[20:49] like addressing it in like the most like straightforwardly obvious way like i kind of

[20:56] like these two characters and their relationship like this very bro-y guy is like loves his brother

[21:02] so much is like totally accepting of them they're like best friends and they're like you know like

[21:08] they just they carry good vibes around them they're a little they're a little dumb their

[21:12] their fantasy is a little basic but uh but they're good guys but we also over time we learned that

[21:18] they they have a difficult family life and that their parents have basically disowned uh brax

[21:23] because of his sexuality yeah and that deep down uh there's a feeling of uh i think there's a little

[21:30] bit of resentment that jd has that brax is holding him back or i could be mixing up who's being held

[21:36] back by whom uh so there is a little bit of a dark side behind this uh glossy exterior yeah it's also

[21:42] possible that they got the fantasy wrong because if they said their fantasy is to have it all

[21:46] Maybe they just meant a satisfying career and a fulfilling family life.

[21:50] What's that like, Elliot?

[21:52] I'll tell you when I get it.

[21:55] Oh, cool.

[21:56] I think you need to watch a little movie called Baby Boom.

[22:01] I don't want to watch a movie about exploding babies, Dan.

[22:04] That sounds terrifying.

[22:05] I, however, would sit in a movie theater right now, COVID be damned, to watch babies explode.

[22:11] Wow.

[22:15] Yeah, I would mask off and everything.

[22:17] I want to experience the whole exploding baby experience because it's going to be 4D, right, Elliot?

[22:21] I mean, it's got to be 4D because it has depth, width, and height and time.

[22:29] So, yeah, it's a 4D movie.

[22:31] Perfect.

[22:32] So on to the next fantasy.

[22:34] Mr. Rourke interviews Gwen to get kind of a better understanding of her fantasy.

[22:39] She says she wants a do-over.

[22:41] She has regrets.

[22:42] She wishes she had a family.

[22:44] So what he offers her is he takes her back in time to a restaurant where she had been proposed to by her then boyfriend, Alan.

[22:53] And at the time she had turned him down.

[22:55] But this time she can choose whether or not she wants a do over.

[23:00] Yeah.

[23:00] And she's skeptical the whole time.

[23:03] And it is like this is the first time where the island actually gets like magical because they go through a doorway and then they're immediately in a.

[23:14] I would say a what looks to be like a medium expensive restaurant.

[23:18] Upper mid range.

[23:22] Yeah, that's upper mid range.

[23:24] Yeah.

[23:24] And not a greasy spoon.

[23:27] So so she's going to have this fantasy.

[23:30] She talks to Alan.

[23:31] She realized that she messed up and that she this time when he proposes to her, you know,

[23:35] it takes her a little while to accept that she's like this is actually happening and

[23:39] he's not like an actor and that he wasn't like tricked or whatever and that he's the

[23:42] same age he was when he proposed to her years ago i guess it was five years ago and they uh so she

[23:48] accepts his proposal they're very happy uh and when she wakes up in the morning not only is it

[23:55] five years later and alan has aged exactly five years but they also have a daughter she has

[24:00] everything she wanted now i finally there are a couple things i want to say about these she has

[24:05] it all her fantasy to have it all came true yep there are a couple things that i wanted to say

[24:11] about this number one like wouldn't why why why number one the thing is uh that um this is one of

[24:19] those things in movies that happens a lot where everyone disbelieves where a fantasy island makes

[24:24] someone's dream come true yes uh where no what where everyone disbelieves the magic for a long

[24:29] time and the thing is like if you were in that situation if you were in that situation you

[24:33] certainly would you would be like okay wait i'm there's no way i'm back in time this must be alan

[24:37] they flew them out like they go through that whole thing so you have to be kind of patient

[24:42] with that but you as a moviegoer is like no i'm coming to see fucking fantasy island i know that

[24:47] this is a magic island let's just get on with it yeah uh and also like when she wakes up at the

[24:51] second morning i'm like okay well this is great and all i understand why they do this for plot

[24:55] reasons but she had to skip both her wedding and the birth of her child and this kind of when she

[25:03] sees her i think at one point she looks at her phone and then she like experiences all she looks

[25:08] at her phone and there's a whole bunch of pictures from all of those experiences on there but the

[25:13] weird thing is as soon as she looks at a picture she we then get like a video flashback and i'm

[25:18] like is that a video on her phone or is that going on in her brain like it must be a video on the

[25:25] phone because it has a filter on it that makes it look like it's from the 70s and that's not when

[25:30] this is happening so why i heard her memories look like that i think it's it feels like it is a

[25:35] it's the old story of uh of the memories kind of flooding into her mind yeah in that moment all in

[25:42] one that in that moment she has always lived that life and so she's remembering all of it the same

[25:46] way that someone would tell you that since dinosaurs are just a trick to try to get us to

[25:51] not believe in the existence of god that when god created the earth he created a fake past for the

[25:55] earth that had real fake dinosaurs in it and so forth uh it's kind of like that it's kind of like

[26:00] it's kind of like how we when we used to record episodes i would get so drunk that i would listen

[26:05] to the episode and then i would have uh the memories of recording it would flood back into

[26:09] my brain see that happens to me now anyway like yeah without the booze i'm like what we said that

[26:15] it's it's but this reminded me a lot of the end of time cop where time cop comes home and has a

[26:21] wife and child and he's like uh i better know i better learn this kid's name quick

[26:26] yeah i mean i figured he'd just keep doing those uh those jumping splits and people wouldn't really

[26:32] worry about it distracts man those fucking splits man just calls his kid like cheeks and those

[26:37] little shorts he's wearing he just calls it calls his kid cheap or sport and uh yeah and it's like

[26:43] do you know my name dad jump split look at this oh and and his wife is like can you please keep

[26:49] your dirty feet off the kitchen counters i know you can do those jump splits and then finally at

[26:53] it's his son's wedding day and he has to give the toast and he's like to my wonderful son

[26:59] and he realizes at that moment he's never known his son's name and his son realizes at that moment

[27:04] that his dad's never known his name and there's only one thing he can do is a jump split can he

[27:09] do it it's 20 years later his child's getting married can he pull it off let me tell you he's

[27:14] JCVD so of course he can yeah and you see you see that you see that full realization on his son's

[27:19] face a son that is still at this point in this bit unnamed a son who realizes his father doesn't

[27:25] know his name and he goes through the full well of emotion until he realizes his father's just

[27:29] going to do jump splits now and you know what god damn it he wants to see those jump splits he still

[27:35] wants his dad to win sometimes all you can get from your dad it can't be love it can't be

[27:40] acknowledgement but you can get jump splits and sometimes just sometimes that's enough hi i'm

[27:45] ellie kalin for the jump split council you know most americans go through their lives never

[27:49] witnessing a jump split in person or experiencing a jump split maybe maybe we can make a difference

[27:56] uh now that we've talked about jump splits although that has nothing to do with gwen's

[27:59] fantasy we're now on to patrick's fantasy patrick is a uh a police officer whose fantasy has always

[28:05] been to be uh a soldier he wears which seems like a not uncommon fantasy for police officers these

[28:12] days a little on the nose fantasy uh so he uh and he he even wears a pair of dog tags around his neck

[28:21] um and he is taken away he's whisked away by mr rourke and taken to the jungle where he is given

[28:27] a pack of supplies and he gets to live out his fantasy of being a soldier uh he is immediately

[28:33] accosted by a wild haired

[28:35] Michael Rooker who spouts

[28:37] some gibberish and then runs off and you're like

[28:39] no come back

[28:40] ya too

[28:42] and then

[28:44] Henry

[28:45] guy from

[28:49] Slither

[28:50] Grant I think Grant was his name

[28:55] in Slither anyway let's go

[28:56] he then gets picked up by

[28:59] a squad of soldiers who

[29:01] don't seem to be playing around

[29:03] and they uh they i guess kidnap him capture him uh and take him to uh another group of soldiers

[29:10] led by a lieutenant and that lieutenant we find out is his father a father that died when he was

[29:16] very young uh and there's a lot of the two of them kind of uh it takes ungodly long for the

[29:24] two of them to figure out this is what's going on he's his son years later uh his father died

[29:30] on this very specific mission in venezuela uh it took me a little while to figure out where they

[29:35] were going to be at um but like did they are these and still at this point i don't really

[29:40] understand are these all actors are they made out of like mud and the black oil that i'm going to

[29:46] talk about later like i don't know what's going on so it's a fantasy island stewart it's an island

[29:52] with fantasies um so uh an island with fantasies is a different thing that's like but it's like

[30:00] that uh pixar short uh lava or whatever where the island is fantasizing about having you know a

[30:06] romantic partner i guess you're right that stems between a fantasy island and an island fantasy

[30:11] yeah yeah so patrick at this point is starting to realize there might be a dark side to being a

[30:16] soldier so we're gonna move on to he's like i should have gone to temptation island yeah we're

[30:22] gonna move on to our the problem is his temptation is also to go be a soldier because he's a police

[30:27] officer um so there are all these couples trying to hook up with it with each other on temptation

[30:31] island he's like putting them in headlocks and like interrogating them and stuff and they're

[30:35] like stop it stop so we then move to our fourth fantasy and that is uh melanie who goes down an

[30:43] elevator already you're like what kind of fantasy is this and she goes down and she's in like like

[30:50] a control room and there's uh she finds behind the control there's like a mirrored glass and the

[30:56] Lights come on and she sees her childhood tormentor, who we had learned in a previous bit of exposition, a childhood tormentor who had found her like letters she had written to her therapist and then published those letters burn book style all over the school, thus ruining her life.

[31:15] Well, close, close, close.

[31:18] It was close.

[31:19] No, she, well, she, this bully had tormented her in a number of ways, including dumping toilet water on her during the prom.

[31:26] I'm not really sure how that was done.

[31:29] It seems like collecting toilet water to dump on someone is his own punishment.

[31:33] But then.

[31:33] Dan, you take a bucket, you take a ladle, you go from toilet to toilet.

[31:38] It's not that difficult.

[31:39] I don't want to put that much effort into it.

[31:41] I think you, well, you pay a plumber to redirect the waste pipes above a specific spot.

[31:48] mark that spot with an X or maybe

[31:50] like a picture of a toilet.

[31:51] You've got to make sure that he puts a valve in there too so you can

[31:54] control the opening and closing of it so it

[31:56] only goes on the person you want it to go on.

[31:58] Step two, rigging

[32:00] the prom queen election.

[32:02] Now this is more difficult and the plumber

[32:04] is not going to help you that much with it.

[32:05] You're going to need to get William Catt to help you do that.

[32:08] The other thing was though

[32:11] her therapist told her to write

[32:13] letters to her classmates

[32:15] telling them what she

[32:17] wanted to say to them because she felt so isolated and then they these were found and posted and like

[32:23] her yeah she also hated her therapist because like he was i i forget how he was bad but he was also

[32:29] awful and she called him dr torture for some reason yeah so she was just his name like victor

[32:36] von doom maybe he was just dr victor torture so melanie enters this control room she uh this is

[32:42] one of my favorite parts of the movie is when she pulls out her phone she's like gonna record this

[32:46] she starts talking to her phone and in the middle of her narration she then hits record on her phone

[32:52] so was she recording before that or did she just start her video yeah like what the fuck are you

[32:58] doing that is listed on the goofs section of imdb i found yeah i i rushed over there first so i could

[33:06] be like i must be the first person to have noticed this flub and then i was disappointed to find out

[33:11] i was not yeah to the game that's me also later on like uh as we will see in the synopsis like

[33:18] she will be uh you know like running around with this uh bully and the big tension is whether

[33:25] uh the bully will find out that she was the tormentor and i felt for sure like oh okay

[33:31] she took that video that has to be a plot point right like the bully's gonna see this video and

[33:37] Like, the video does not figure into anything.

[33:39] No, it just shows it's a way for people to connect with Melanie

[33:43] because they're like, I like making videos.

[33:45] I'm a tour mentor.

[33:46] Yeah.

[33:47] But not the song by Skinny Puppy, which rules.

[33:49] So she immediately assumes that this woman that is tied up behind a glass

[33:59] played by Portia Doubleday, I don't remember her name,

[34:01] that she's a hologram.

[34:04] Sloane, I think is her name.

[34:06] Yeah, she keeps talking about how she's a great hologram, which I guess that feels like a leap.

[34:11] I mean, I would just assume that the whole glass was a screen.

[34:14] I mean, especially after she does the first thing, which is push a button and dump some toilet water on her,

[34:20] because the water would go right through a hologram.

[34:23] I don't know a lot about science.

[34:24] Hologram water.

[34:25] Dan, it's hologram water.

[34:27] Oh, it's hologram?

[34:28] They can make hologram water now.

[34:29] I see.

[34:30] Because you remember, they mentioned a couple times the hologram of Tupac that appeared at, what, the Vatican?

[34:35] at the College of Cardinals,

[34:37] and they poured hologram toilet water

[34:39] on that hologram also.

[34:41] Seems disrespectful.

[34:42] So she decides to torture this hologram.

[34:44] She uses, like, electricity.

[34:47] There's, like, shock things

[34:48] and the, like, little shockers

[34:50] in the armrests.

[34:53] She pours toilet water all over.

[34:55] As mentioned.

[34:56] Then she gets the opportunity

[34:58] to post a damning video

[34:59] on Sloan's Facebook.

[35:01] And then she gets to watch

[35:03] sloan's husband watch this video of sloan cheating it's pretty wild uh and that's when she realizes

[35:09] you know what maybe getting revenge like this is not cool and this isn't a hologram maybe my actions

[35:15] actually have consequences uh so we're really this is really leaning in this almost immediately

[35:20] goes into this fantasy is actually bad this fantasy is a nightmare and around then is when

[35:26] the movie takes a pretty harsh fantasies of torturing people are bad yep perspective yeah

[35:32] So the door in Sloan's room bursts open, and we see a guy—well, we see Dr. Torture show up.

[35:40] He's like a doctor with his sleeves ripped off.

[35:43] He looks like the dude who runs around the stage at an Exhumed concert.

[35:47] It was like an 80s WWF one-off character.

[35:52] It is 100% an 80s WWF character.

[35:54] Let's try this guy.

[35:55] He's Dr. Torture, and he's got an MD in pain, and then decided—he doesn't work.

[36:01] Never mind.

[36:01] Forget it.

[36:02] yeah uh so and it looks like he's going to torture sloan and then melanie uses the previously

[36:10] established uh shocking thing and water to electrocute dr torture and incapacitate him

[36:16] for the time being and then she breaks sloan free she comes up with a ruse that they are she has

[36:22] been kidnapped as well and uh and just to remind everybody that sloan was the woman who was uh

[36:29] Running in Terror at the very beginning of the movie.

[36:31] It took me a little while to figure that out.

[36:33] I'm not smart.

[36:34] I immediately forget what happens in those sort of prelude scenes in this sort of movie.

[36:41] I'm not particularly interested in puzzling together the complex web of Fantasy Island.

[36:50] I'm just like, that's not important.

[36:52] Someone was running.

[36:52] The two pieces of this puzzle, they were like, eh.

[36:56] It was like when we were watching Get Out together, Dan,

[36:58] and I leaned over and I'm like,

[37:00] that's the guy from the beginning.

[37:02] That's Lakeith Stanfield.

[37:04] He's very famous now.

[37:05] Yeah.

[37:08] Okay, so now let's see.

[37:11] Yeah, now, so at this point,

[37:13] all the fantasies start to take a dark turn.

[37:16] Brax and JD, they're hanging out at their beach house.

[37:21] Then all of a sudden,

[37:22] like a bunch of mercenaries show up wearing masks

[37:26] and guns and they start just blasting everybody mercenaries are led by kim coats from sons of

[37:32] anarchy it's nice to see him getting some work uh and they get captured they don't uh they had

[37:38] previously found an escape uh what is it uh not an escape room although you know it kind of is an

[37:43] escape room they find a panic room and they find a room with hidden weapons in their uh amazing

[37:48] villa uh all their uh their the models that they were partying with go hide in the panic room but

[37:55] they get left outside and they get uh they start to get uh interrogated by these mercenaries

[38:00] and they their friendship i guess is tested well these mercenaries think that they're like

[38:06] they've hidden like money and drugs because they have it all because like this mansion is a drug

[38:11] mansion at which point at which point uh audrey who has a inexplicable to me love of the uh

[38:18] brendan frazier version of bedazzled was like they stole this from bedazzled where he like

[38:23] wishes to be rich and it turns out he's rich because he's a drug lord uh-oh oh yeah yeah it's

[38:31] a great cosmic scales you know that's how that's how everything balances if you want something

[38:35] you're taking something from someone else that is it is a zero-sum game in this world that's

[38:40] capitalism uh the it's the uh they're saying this this mansion belongs to a big drug lord you must

[38:45] have killed him and stolen it and it just seems like a real loose reading of their fantasy to

[38:51] have it go that way much like the bedazzled wish it seems like mr roark or the island whoever makes

[38:56] the decisions is really taking the gray area of that fantasy and filling it in with things that

[39:01] he knows they are not going to be interested in yeah so one of the questions about sons of anarchy

[39:08] i didn't see that show but did it end with the main character having a baby and then being like

[39:13] i guess i'm a dad of anarchy now and putting his his bike in the garage because he has

[39:17] responsibilities now elliot i mean wall family plays an incredibly large part in the sons of

[39:22] anarchy universe uh that show has one of the dumbest endings of all time uh it does feature

[39:29] multiple like slow versions of classic rock songs some of which are sung by uh by married with

[39:36] children alum uh what's her name katie seagal katie seagal thank you oh wow uh wife of the

[39:42] showrunner kurt sutter and um it has oh god so it's like and they'll have fun fun fun till her

[39:51] daddy takes her tea yes exactly uh and it like the whole show is kind of like the loosest

[39:58] oh it's like a hamlet on bikes it's like a hamlet on bikes which i would see they're going around

[40:07] the steel cage of death on their bikes and they're doing a hamlet well that's the beauty of life

[40:12] theater you know it's not i guess that's beyond the pines now that i think about it place beyond

[40:17] the pines yep yeah um okay so uh that's the beauty of live theater at any moment they can

[40:25] get on a bike and drive around and only rob halford is really taking advantage of that

[40:28] aspect of live theater to be honest i feel like meatloaf uh at his show i think uh charlene went

[40:38] and saw a bat out of hell the musical and i feel like there's at least there's at least one

[40:42] motorcycle involved okay okay so they're taking advantage of it too but edward albee and his work

[40:46] never took advantage of the fact that the actors at any point could get on a motorcycle and just

[40:49] get into a steel cage of death and drive around yeah that's i mean that option's available to us

[40:55] all so i mean when you get on when you get on the stage you got the lights hitting you in the face

[41:00] and you're like you know what time to get in that steel cage of death so uh before we get back to

[41:04] the, uh, the individual fantasies, there's a commonality between all of them that kind

[41:10] of signifies that there's something dark going on.

[41:12] Uh, there's like a constant sound of dripping or then like this, like kind of black liquid.

[41:18] Uh, and we keep seeing, uh, like a, this ghostly visitor that shows up that looks like a burned

[41:25] up, like zombie dude.

[41:26] Um, now, and that's obviously, those are things that you would assume not what somebody's

[41:33] looking for when they want it all and i want to i want to i want to just mr work is like you said

[41:38] you want it all and a burned up zombie dude technically is one of the things in all uh i

[41:43] guess you're right okay you have chicken pox now technically part of the all now right yeah i have

[41:48] it all up and a club foot okay yes thank you all but you have a hundred dollars that's it well you

[41:54] have other dollars too but you also have a hundred dollars part of all okay great termites did i

[41:59] mentioned your house has termites it all fits under all so you're thinking so all for the this

[42:05] fantasy is sort of like katamari domicey sort of a situation where everything in the universe has

[42:11] been rolled up and you exactly and your dad's mean to you no but i wanted to i know i know

[42:19] stewart that you are uh against uh jumping back but i do want to uh highlight something that

[42:24] But pro-kissing himself.

[42:26] Okay.

[42:27] Against jumping back, but pro-kissing himself.

[42:29] I wanted to highlight a thing that will become significant later.

[42:33] I don't want to spoil any turns of the plot ahead of time.

[42:38] No, you can.

[42:39] But Melanie, when she's setting up her room, has a framed photo of herself and a man that she has brought to the island.

[42:47] Even though this is a time in history where people have photos on their phones,

[42:51] don't need to pack an entire framed photo to take out and put in your hotel room

[42:57] as if to say to the audience, this is significant.

[42:59] But I just wanted to mention it.

[43:02] Do you don't do that when you go on vacation?

[43:04] Whenever I go on vacation, I always pull out my framed photo of me and you guys.

[43:09] It's like having us there, yeah.

[43:12] I guess I pull out that framed photo of me and a guy in a Minions outfit

[43:17] and i put it up on the i i pull out a framed photo but it's the photo that came with the frame

[43:23] and i'm just like who are these people time to find out that's my fantasy

[43:26] yeah so uh let's get back to these fantasies so melanie and sloan are running away from this

[43:34] torture doctor he keeps jumping out uh no matter how many times they blast him he just keeps coming

[43:39] back everyone's like when they knock him down like black oil squirts out of his eyeballs and

[43:43] then he shows up later just like the chumbo on the song they knock him down black oil squirts

[43:47] out of his eyeballs he gets back up again yeah they get rescued by michael rooker michael rooker

[43:52] helps them beat up the doctor and the doctor torture and they keep running away he tries to

[43:56] explain the rules uh they end up like he takes them to a cave and like he is kind of not giving

[44:03] me the vibes of a person i would follow into a cave but whatever um so he takes him into a cave

[44:10] and uh just just just to so i know in case i ever wanted to get in the cave what vibes would would

[44:16] allow you to follow someone into a cave i mean first off i guess i want somebody who's a good

[44:21] listener first and not like doesn't just kind of steamroll over me in conversation somebody who

[44:27] kind of wants to know what's going on with stewart i see uh other than that like obviously i'd need

[44:34] to see his his like i need to see his hands because okay like fingernail care is a real

[44:40] good signifier of just general personal hygiene huh we i feel like that was a real leap down from

[44:47] like you know good listeners of fingernail care like no but that's the thing dan it's it's like

[44:53] it's a it's a little thing but it it shows a lot about a person's general hygiene and well-being

[44:58] So for you, it's sort of like the writer where, like, you know, like no brown M&Ms, where if you, like, see that that wasn't done, you know that something else, somewhere else has not been taken care of.

[45:10] Yeah, that goes into the uh-oh column.

[45:13] Yeah, all right.

[45:13] And you get too many things in the uh-oh column, and it's, I spin around on my heels and walk away from the cave.

[45:20] And what's the other column called?

[45:22] Yes, please.

[45:23] Okay.

[45:27] Only two columns, you only need those two.

[45:29] So they go down in this cave, he takes them under some, like they have to go through some water, you know, it's got all the stuff.

[45:36] They see zombies some more.

[45:38] All the stuff.

[45:40] It's what you'd imagine inside a spooky cave.

[45:42] Yeah, there's a quiz nose, everything.

[45:43] Yeah.

[45:44] Again, like Katamari.

[45:47] Eventually, he takes them to what looks like a big room with a giant crystal wrapped in tree roots, and it's squirting out that black oil stuff.

[45:57] It totally looks like something that you would have to attack in a video game to get to the next section of the thing.

[46:04] Something that, I'm surprised it didn't have a health bar when they walked into the room.

[46:09] It's a real Metroid boss. It's like what you'd fight in Metroid.

[46:12] he explains that this uh that this stone or crystal or whatever is powering everybody's

[46:18] fantasies there's magic when he was a journalist or a private investigator who came to this island

[46:23] to try and investigate it but he got his fantasy but he realized it was bad but he can't leave

[46:29] uh because rourke uh knows what's going on as in charge of the island uh and they can't leave so

[46:36] So they come up with a plan that the only thing they can do is to, like, take some of that oil, put it in a – which has properties that once you drink it, your fantasies come true.

[46:50] I guess that's the magic.

[46:52] That's where the magic's coming from.

[46:53] That's where the magic happens is in you after you drink it.

[46:57] So they luckily had a canteen.

[46:59] They fill that thing with that juice, and they're like, we've got to get this off the island.

[47:03] That's the plan, everybody.

[47:05] meanwhile uh did i miss anything or did i get it 100 correct uh yeah that's it uh for like

[47:12] uh future developments have we gotten to the point yet have we skimmed over the point where

[47:16] like we learned that mr rourke uh has a dead wife and that's why he is on fantasy island because

[47:24] uh he wanted his wife to come back and we we don't like no one like upon learning this asked to be

[47:32] like oh where is she because then like that would ruin the surprise later on about what's going on

[47:37] but uh he is tied to the island because it's one of those situations where if he leaves the island

[47:42] he his wife will be gone forever and so and so he's taken the job of ship it seems like the island

[47:48] doesn't really need him to take care of the island i assume he's just taking care of the

[47:52] island's buildings because the island seems to do what it's doing without him i mean the island

[47:57] can't get on the internet, Elliot,

[47:59] and advertise it to

[48:00] people out there.

[48:02] That's a good point. So you're saying that he's a guy

[48:05] he has social media marketing and web

[48:07] skills, and that's why.

[48:08] But it's one of those

[48:11] mysteries where they're like,

[48:12] my fantasy was to have my wife back.

[48:15] I won't mention that there's only one

[48:17] woman on the island, and so if you're an audience

[48:19] member, you assume this is my wife.

[48:21] We'll just not mention that at all.

[48:23] But yeah, Stuart,

[48:25] you gotta, and so Stuart, the only thing I think

[48:27] and they that that kind of that came out when uh he had a like a heart to heart with gwen who is

[48:34] kind of like i guess there's this moment of like she's you know even though she has it all as we've

[48:40] already addressed uh a husband a child uh she's still like measles matchbox cars it has it all

[48:49] matchbox 20 matchbox 20 the whole band i mean ub40 3-1-1 every band with a number in it and

[48:57] also every band 3-1-1 the beetles the ruddles uh all of them everything the turtles the animals

[49:05] the birds the bangles the gogos is there a band called the spangles if there is she has it

[49:12] the misfits all of them yeah the jacksons all of it yeah the cramps no sorry she has

[49:18] both the lady a who was called lady a first and the lady a that was called lady antebellum and

[49:23] then sued the person who was already called lady a when they changed her name which is crazy that

[49:28] you would do that all right uh she's got all of kurt monaghan's novels all of joseph heller's

[49:33] novels she's got all of thackeray's novels stewart's moved past looking frustrated to

[49:38] looking at his phone so let's we should probably keep going so we uh yeah so she had a gwen uh

[49:45] Gwen is skeptical and she has a conversation with Rourke and Rourke's like,

[49:49] basically explains like these fantasies are great,

[49:51] but you have to stay on the Island to enjoy them.

[49:53] And Gwen,

[49:54] for some reason feels like she doesn't deserve this fantasy.

[49:57] A reason that we don't know yet.

[49:58] Mm-hmm.

[49:59] Uh,

[50:00] so,

[50:01] uh,

[50:02] meanwhile,

[50:02] uh,

[50:03] Patrick and his father have a long conversation.

[50:06] Uh,

[50:07] they come to grips with the time travel elements of what's going on.

[50:10] Uh,

[50:11] his father's like,

[50:12] well,

[50:12] uh,

[50:13] if I'm,

[50:13] if i'm gonna die on this specific mission that we're on right now fuck that i'm gonna go home

[50:19] i have a son i gotta take care of and patrick's like uh no dude you die being a hero it's very

[50:24] important to me that you die being a hero yeah this was the craziest turn of character where it

[50:29] was like you'd think his fantasy is to be be with his dad and save his dad yeah and but his fantasy

[50:36] is to be there when his dad sacrifices his life so that he can keep being a hero for him which is

[50:40] nuts well i mean that was his initial fantasy but he he he it's one of those things where he's like

[50:45] oh if you're not here your whole unit's gonna die but there's a simple solution for that which is

[50:51] everyone leave like everyone get out it's true since it's not real but yeah go ahead i mean

[50:56] and also they're in some kind of secret mission in venezuela to are they explicitly saving hostages

[51:02] or is it something else something like that yeah and they and specifically he knows his father dies

[51:08] jumping on a grenade which would have wiped out his whole squad but instead just wipes out his

[51:12] body but it is silly for him to it's like if if uh the the uh terminator went back in time

[51:21] just to like make sure everything happened exactly the way that like skynet's gonna lose because of

[51:27] john connor but skynet is very particular so we need to make so the terminator is just making

[51:32] sure john connor doesn't like break his leg and like keeping him from going out having fun with

[51:35] his friends on a trampoline and stuff like that like terminator can i go bungee jumping with my

[51:40] friends no skynet needs you to stop it in the future it's very weird to go back in time to

[51:44] make sure a thing happens i gotta say at a certain point i don't know why skynet is so worried about

[51:48] john connor because they seem to rise every time even no matter what john connor does so

[51:53] i i mean like they should stop pouring resources into their anti-john connor program

[51:58] yeah it's it is a real uh it's a real boondoggle yeah uh and i think a lot of it has to do with

[52:03] the fact that uh skynet like all things is a democracy and they have a big terminator factory

[52:10] in kentucky so skynet's senator from kentucky is like well we got to keep sending terminators

[52:15] after john connor of course because we got to bring jobs to the robots here in the factory here

[52:20] in my home state of sky now is this a robot with a an accent that's what i very much so yes it is

[52:27] a robot with a with a southern accent okay and he's like well you know us a southern bot's got

[52:33] a saying you gotta brings home the cotton if you want to be a robot and skynet is like i don't

[52:40] understand that doesn't make sense to me well yeah it's because you're a yankee ai all that

[52:43] stuff it's the same yeah it's terrible because we build these things in our own image yeah

[52:47] yeah he's and he's his torso is a giant pork barrel like a metal pork barrel right exactly

[52:54] because he's from a political cartoon and he's always short-circuiting because he's just pouring

[52:58] grits into his grill he doesn't have a mouth really so he's just pouring them into his speaking

[53:02] grill you know so they they battled they battle in the water uh patrick and his dad until they

[53:08] realized you know what why don't we just do the mission together and we'll probably not get

[53:13] exploded by a grenade and they're like oh wow maybe if we if we work together we'll actually

[53:18] accomplish this so uh that's cool i feel like that is kind of the ultimate dad fantasy to be

[53:24] like yeah fighting a war with your son and then everything's okay at the end i also want to say

[53:28] at this point in the movie like i assume that what the movie is going to be is doing

[53:34] uh is that this is going to be a horror movie in name and in some of the elements but ultimately

[53:41] it is going to be a movie where all of these fantasies as as scary as they are are sort of

[53:48] like radical therapy that will help all these people um and and it's going to be like one of

[53:55] those rare but they do exist horror movies where the twist is like actually at the end everything

[54:01] is okay um like the game kind of which is not a horror movie but you know yeah so now gwen despite

[54:11] the rule being that you cannot have a second fantasy manages to convince uh i guess a woman

[54:20] that we believe is rorke's number two or number one but is actually his wife it doesn't matter

[54:26] that that twist doesn't really matter i don't think uh rorke's wife lets gwen get a second

[54:31] fantasy so she goes through the door she went through before she goes back in time we find out

[54:37] and she's in an apartment building that's on fire she bumps into all of our characters jd and brax

[54:44] are there they're running out of this burning building she runs up to a cop who is patrick

[54:49] And Patrick's like, we're going to wait for the fire department.

[54:52] We're not going to save the guy who's trapped in the room.

[54:55] I mean, to be fair to Patrick, that probably is standard operating procedure is for the one cop on the scene to not run into the burning building and not let the professional firefighters do it.

[55:06] But this is, I mean, like, to be clear, this is like specifically why a couple of the characters are regretful.

[55:11] Maggie Q is regretful she wasn't able to save this guy and because she started the fire on accident.

[55:17] and patrick uh earlier was like i had a chance hey patrick earlier had a chance

[55:24] dan dan i have a billy joel joke that i want to say okay so when billy joel said that he and his

[55:30] band didn't start the fire we now know that's true maggie q did it maggie q did oh thank god

[55:35] oh my god that joke hasn't been said if that joke hadn't been said skynet would be in control

[55:42] a hundred years from now and i know that because there's a terminator standing over me with a

[55:46] clipboard of jokes i have to say tonight to make sure skynet gets to feed the future and he was

[55:50] poking that one with a finger extra hard i just wanted like how robert howard claimed uh conan

[55:55] would hover over him went and make him write conan stories i wanted to make it clear that it wasn't

[56:00] just her regret it's like she's the one who seems to feel it most keenly but patrick earlier was

[56:05] like i had the chance to save someone and i didn't and that's also part of why like his father's

[56:11] heroism is so important to him because he's like well i wasn't able to to do it when it was my

[56:15] turn we we find out that all of our all of our characters are connected through this one fire

[56:22] and death uh we'll later learn that melanie was supposed to go out on a date with uh the guy who

[56:28] died a guy named nick uh and that they all uh not only were they they all feel like they are

[56:35] responsible in some way even jd and brax were what roommates with this guy they were roommates and

[56:40] they thought he wasn't home so they didn't go back to check so it's all they're all they're

[56:44] all connected melanie's feels the most tenuous i mean there's a reason for that that we'll get to

[56:48] but like at first she's just like i was supposed to go on a date with him and i chickened out or

[56:52] something like that or like and it's like he was not supposed to be there that night i'm like uh

[56:56] i think you can let yourself off the hook for that one i don't know yeah that's that's a weird one

[57:00] yeah um okay so uh so she tries to she but gwen is back in time she's trying to to save nick she's

[57:08] trying to break down the door but the smoke gets the best of her and she passes out uh she's later

[57:13] saved by what is the is it julia what's her name uh yeah i think so yeah julia yeah so uh all the

[57:23] fantasies start to intersect at this point uh somewhere in here michael rooker tackles the

[57:28] torture doctor off the cliff and we're like see you later sweet prince that's the line right that's

[57:33] he's a real scatman crothers character in this movie yeah so their their fantasies all intersect

[57:42] uh the uh patrick and his father's team of soldiers show up at the the villa where the

[57:48] mercenaries are uh brax manages to trick the mercenaries into letting him into the weapons

[57:54] room where he starts getting weapons and blasting everybody and he gets a uh he gets a grenade that

[57:59] he uses as like a thermal detonator type uh bargaining chip and you see the grenade and

[58:04] you're like but didn't patrick's dad die from a grenade well that you know it doesn't actually

[58:08] happen uh ryan hansen has an epiphany where he's like you know what i our relationship you don't

[58:16] hold me back i don't know why i would ever think that and you're like oh great they're gonna have

[58:19] that's really gonna improve their relationship he then gets shot uh mercenaries are all zombies

[58:25] what's up i do want to uh you know like this this grenade i do i do want to spend a little more time

[58:30] on it because this grenade deserves like cast billing in this movie because it gets it gets

[58:35] taken around uh throughout the entire uh climax uh and there's like a lot of scenes here where

[58:44] someone has their hand on the grenade like uh the first time it happens is right here where

[58:49] someone has their hand on the grenade uh and uh brax brax his name's brax how are you he has the

[58:57] only memorable name in the entire movie brax uh like as the person is falling like catches the

[59:03] grenade from him like to keep the dead man's trigger or whatever uh from going off um and

[59:09] this grenade gets passed around like a real hot potato grenade um but it becomes you could have

[59:14] just said hot potato there yeah but uh it's also a hot potato that is a grenade

[59:19] i didn't want the listeners yeah to be like oh is there a really hot potato in this movie that

[59:26] like is gonna burn people's hands is this now is this the beginning of the tin drum yeah

[59:30] steward is always laughing at his memories of the tin drum

[59:41] okay so uh yeah so all the mercenaries they get smoked and then they get back up as zombie dudes

[59:51] with uh black juice squirting out of their eyeballs there's at least one kind of cool

[59:54] effect where the the guy's lying on his back and his like eyes fill up with the black juice and

[1:00:00] then they like break through the front of the eyes like the eyes are glass that was kind of cool

[1:00:04] uh i'll give it to you movie um they uh so melanie and sloan are like hey we know a way that we can

[1:00:12] get off the island even though our cell phones don't work she was able to contact uh she was

[1:00:19] able to talk briefly with uh sloan's husband after she posted that video uh so they go back to the

[1:00:26] torture room and they call him and they're like look don't worry about all that stuff uh we'll

[1:00:31] deal with it later but i need you to call a guy with a plane so they got the number for the plane

[1:00:38] from uh from michael rooker yeah they have a big reconciliation like it's one of those scenes where

[1:00:43] she's talking to her husband reconciling with him and apologizing and it's really directed at

[1:00:49] melanie in the room being like oh i'm sorry i was i bullied you and this is this is the strangest

[1:00:55] thing about this movie to me is that sloan who is not one of the original main cast characters

[1:01:00] is the one who gets the cathartic life-changing speech and eventually spoiler alert like becomes

[1:01:05] the hero and it's just a very strange choice to me to have it be this character who is set up as a

[1:01:11] as an accessory to one of the main characters yeah that she gets that emotional moment

[1:01:15] yeah and she uh yeah so at this point they start to float the idea that um they realize that

[1:01:21] they're all connected through the death of this of this guy nick and they start to float the idea

[1:01:26] that maybe they're not living their fantasies after all that maybe they're stuck in someone

[1:01:31] else's fantasies and they start to assume that the woman that we later find out is rorke's wife

[1:01:36] might be the mother of Nick, the guy who died,

[1:01:40] and that her fantasy is for them all to suffer and die.

[1:01:45] Yeah, it's that moment in a movie

[1:01:47] where everyone suddenly makes giant logical leaps

[1:01:51] because the screenplay needs them to.

[1:01:53] It is a very giant logical leap.

[1:01:56] It's right up there with the scene in Batman 66

[1:01:59] where they're figuring out

[1:02:01] that all the Batman villains are involved

[1:02:02] based on the phrases they have introduced to the conversation.

[1:02:04] Is that the Vincent Gallo movie?

[1:02:05] Yeah, Batman 66 is the one where Batman gets out of jail, and he kidnaps a woman, and then takes her to his parents' house, and Ben Gazzara is his dad.

[1:02:14] But where Batman's like, oh, there was a shark attached to my leg.

[1:02:18] It was pulling my leg like a joke.

[1:02:21] The Joker's involved.

[1:02:22] Oh, it's all some huge riddle.

[1:02:24] The Riddler.

[1:02:25] It's that kind of logic.

[1:02:26] Here's an idea I'm introducing.

[1:02:28] He's treated as fact.

[1:02:29] It's like he's Dirk Gently all of a sudden.

[1:02:35] So they run to the beach, hoping that their plane is going to arrive.

[1:02:39] The plane comes flying in and then totally gets blasted out of the sky by a missile.

[1:02:43] And you know what?

[1:02:44] That was pretty great.

[1:02:45] Then they run into the jungle, avoiding the mercenary zombies.

[1:02:48] They figure out that mystery that I just explained.

[1:02:51] They go back to the cave because they're like, let's fuck up this magic rock.

[1:02:55] Of course, they get to the cave.

[1:02:57] They all get separated.

[1:02:58] all haunted at this point by their demons uh snakes uh hands double versions of themselves

[1:03:06] those mercenary guys uh patrick's dad shows back up and he has to battle him in the water again

[1:03:13] it's like is that in your contract multiple water battles and then we find out the then we get the

[1:03:20] big twist guys the big twist is that melanie is actually the one whose fantasy was to kill them

[1:03:26] all she was in love with nick and uh it was the worst moment in her life and she also wanted to

[1:03:33] kill sloan because sloan made her feel bad and so she wanted to kill them all and she like it really

[1:03:38] feels like it feels like lucy hale is like wants to have her skeet ulrich uh matthew lillard end

[1:03:45] of scream moment but i don't know if she's got the chops i mean those two guys oh what a performance

[1:03:51] i don't think this is an acting issue i think this is the fact that we saw her by herself panicking

[1:03:56] and trying to figure out what to do and being scared.

[1:03:58] So it feels more like Lucy Hale in the middle of the shot was like,

[1:04:02] this movie doesn't make sense.

[1:04:03] I have to explain it.

[1:04:04] I'm going to make up a reason why this is happening

[1:04:07] that's stronger than the one the movie is suggesting.

[1:04:09] And I think she pulled that off, if that's the case.

[1:04:11] If this is her fantasy, yes.

[1:04:12] We see her many times when she is alone acting as if she is in danger.

[1:04:17] And also, it is an interesting turn because, okay, I mean, number one,

[1:04:21] she went on one date with this guy before he died.

[1:04:26] so they had a real connection dude maybe he cleaned his fucking fingernails she's hanging

[1:04:30] on to a lot she's hanging on to high school she's hanging on to this one day and even more important

[1:04:34] listen to him uh but also it the movie at this point has the weirdest message because like it

[1:04:41] like this woman bullied lucy hale calling her like a psycho stalker and then it's like

[1:04:46] oh actually she is like evil and wants to murder people it's like this pro-bullying message it's

[1:04:52] like oh i was right to bully you i don't know if it's so much a pro bullying message as an anti

[1:04:58] reaching out to people who are different than you yeah it is whatever it's not saying you should you

[1:05:03] should bully them but it is saying you should keep them at a distance yeah which is not still not a

[1:05:07] great message no so we have a showdown in the in the chamber of the giant crystal uh melanie has

[1:05:16] her army of zombies stewart what a great chapter title for the serial about that stars you as an

[1:05:21] adventurer showdown in the chamber of the giant crystal yeah uh yeah i mean i don't know if i

[1:05:27] would say i mean i usually don't refer to the different parts of my bowl of cereal as chapters

[1:05:31] but that would make sense because the end feels like a real climax chapter is the story of you

[1:05:39] yeah so uh rourke shows up too and he basically is like i can't help you guys it's the rules of

[1:05:46] the island dudes and then he wanders off and he talks to his his ghost wife and then his wedding

[1:05:50] ring turns into smoke and floats away and he's like i can't help them so he shows up he let he

[1:05:56] reminds them that sloan is the only person who hasn't drunk the black oil because she hasn't had

[1:06:00] a fantasy yet so she drinks it and then her fantasy of course is that nick shows up out of the water

[1:06:05] he does like a jason vorhees at the end of the first friday the 13th spoiler alert and yanks

[1:06:10] melanie down into the water oil and she drowns and you're like okay the nightmare is over not so fast

[1:06:16] she gets one final scare she jumps out of the water with a grenade throws a grenade at him and

[1:06:21] you're like always with the grenades oh yeah patrick then launches himself onto that grenade

[1:06:25] and he gets smoked the end yeah he gets his wish to be a hero just like his dad yeah this grenade

[1:06:30] got uh thrown into the the water earlier on you know without the pin pulled and like that's what

[1:06:36] i mean this grenade just keeps getting passed around from person to person like they're like

[1:06:42] We've got to figure out a way to get this grenade to our climax so Patrick can jump on it.

[1:06:47] Now, here's the part that makes this a good link from Simon Conjurer, our previous episode,

[1:06:54] which is they all wake up the next morning, and the people who died are still dead.

[1:06:58] Yes.

[1:06:59] It's like it was all a dream except for the deaths.

[1:07:02] Those happened.

[1:07:02] And a link to Simon Conjurer because the magic has—the people who are alive,

[1:07:08] The magic has, you know, like, fixed them to some degree.

[1:07:12] Like, at least they can move on from a lot of what has been problems in their lives.

[1:07:18] Yeah, now they have the new trauma of their experience on Fantasy Island

[1:07:22] that has overwritten the old trauma that they need to deal with.

[1:07:25] True.

[1:07:25] Yeah, so at this point, I guess the island is going to continue on.

[1:07:30] They didn't blow up the crystal, obviously.

[1:07:32] The surviving people all want to leave.

[1:07:36] And then we see a familiar face piloting that boat with inflatable feet,

[1:07:41] or the plane with inflatable feet.

[1:07:43] That's right.

[1:07:44] JD is alive, piloting the airplane.

[1:07:46] I don't know that he was piloting it.

[1:07:48] I think he was just in the front seat.

[1:07:49] I think he was sitting up front, but I don't think he was the pilot.

[1:07:52] Well, maybe we didn't see it, but I bet when that plane gets in the air,

[1:07:57] he's like, can I take the stick?

[1:07:59] And the other guy's like, other guy or girl?

[1:08:01] I don't remember.

[1:08:02] Significantly, though.

[1:08:04] I was like, yeah, take it, dude.

[1:08:04] He was like, hey, you do have it all.

[1:08:06] His chance is part of all.

[1:08:07] He's there alive, though, because Brax is like, I will stay here on the island in return for him being alive again.

[1:08:16] Much like Mr. Rourke had to stay on the island to keep his wife alive.

[1:08:20] And this is a sacrifice he's making.

[1:08:21] And it also plays into the whole, oh, these two brothers are too close.

[1:08:25] They need to separate.

[1:08:26] This is a thing that's happening.

[1:08:27] I don't even know why Mr. Rourke is still the caretaker of this island, though.

[1:08:31] Because the only reason he was there was because of his wife keeping her alive.

[1:08:35] Like, it seems like he's like, well, it should be like, see ya, I'm off this hell island now.

[1:08:39] I mean, at a certain point, the wife fantasy just became an excuse for staying on the island, I think.

[1:08:43] It was really he wanted to be on an island.

[1:08:44] I think it's weird here that the rules suddenly seem to change because it's like, previously you come to Fantasy Island, you have a fantasy, and everyone turns into evil zombies and tries to kill you.

[1:08:54] And now his fantasy is for his brother to be alive and go back home.

[1:08:57] So was he sending an evil zombie of his brother out to kill their parents?

[1:09:01] Is that, like, how is his fantasy leaving the island?

[1:09:04] I don't understand.

[1:09:05] I think his brother's going to be on the plane,

[1:09:07] and so that is going to play into a later thing

[1:09:10] where he is going to stay on the island,

[1:09:11] be excited every time the plane shows up,

[1:09:14] and his brother's going to be there every time he sees him,

[1:09:18] which is, in a way, kind of ties in my earlier thing

[1:09:22] where I was doing a reference to the Pirates of the Caribbean,

[1:09:25] since that series at the end of the third movie features a similar setup

[1:09:30] where somebody is cursed to stay on a boat all the time

[1:09:32] and occasionally visit Keira Knightley.

[1:09:35] So let's get to this final moment, okay, guys?

[1:09:39] We have a movie based on a popular TV show,

[1:09:41] and yet we are missing an integral character.

[1:09:44] The most popular character, or one of the most memorable characters

[1:09:48] from the original show, that's right, is Tattoo.

[1:09:50] But Tattoo has not shown up in this whole movie.

[1:09:54] Now, Brax has decided he's going to stay on the island.

[1:09:57] And Mr. Rourke is like, well, you can't have a name like Brax.

[1:10:00] You've got to take up a cool island resort name.

[1:10:02] Just like when I go on vacation and I get my hair braided and I get a cool nickname for that whole time.

[1:10:07] Also, if ever there was a cool island vacation nickname, it is Brax.

[1:10:12] I don't know.

[1:10:13] It doesn't make sense.

[1:10:14] I don't know.

[1:10:15] I feel like he's worried that Brax is too cool of a name.

[1:10:18] Maybe.

[1:10:19] if they if a guest was showing up to the island they were introduced to a person named brax

[1:10:24] they're like is my fantasy to battle this guy yeah so uh he's like okay we got to give you a

[1:10:31] new name and he's like well i had this silly nickname back in college and you're like okay

[1:10:37] uh this was mentioned earlier let's get this nickname why was he called t back in college

[1:10:42] he pulls off his shirt and we see the word tattoo is tattooed on his chest t-a-t-t-o-o yeah uh because

[1:10:49] he's done it for like the popular character i dare to get the dumbest tattoo and i guess the

[1:10:54] dumbest tattoo is just a tattoo of the world word tattoo and is and i'm going to tell you right now

[1:10:59] not the head over to the instagram account snake underscore underscore pit and you're going to see

[1:11:04] much dumber tattoos.

[1:11:05] I warn you.

[1:11:07] I warn you.

[1:11:08] Content alert.

[1:11:10] Not safe for a word.

[1:11:12] No, no.

[1:11:12] A lot of very sexually explicit tattoos.

[1:11:16] But yeah.

[1:11:18] I'm not familiar with this feed,

[1:11:20] and I love that both of you guys are.

[1:11:22] Well, Stuart recommended it to Audrey,

[1:11:25] and Audrey is shocked every time it comes up in her feed.

[1:11:29] I'm like, well, you can delete it.

[1:11:31] And she's like, well, no, it's interesting.

[1:11:33] You don't want to delete it.

[1:11:33] You don't want to mess up their follower count.

[1:11:35] Just mute it.

[1:11:35] Yeah.

[1:11:36] Anyway.

[1:11:37] But yeah, no, he's tattooed, which was foreshadowed earlier by him running across when the plane

[1:11:45] was coming, going, the plane, the plane, when they thought a plane was going to rush.

[1:11:48] It's foreshadowed also by this being a Fantasy Island remake.

[1:11:51] Yeah, that as well.

[1:11:52] So yeah, it ends literally with the origin of the popular character tattoo, which is

[1:11:58] what everybody was waiting for.

[1:11:59] So you walk out of that theater on a high note.

[1:12:02] It's so great.

[1:12:03] So that's how it happened.

[1:12:04] Guys, I'm looking at these pictures now, and you're right.

[1:12:06] That is a good content warning to give to people.

[1:12:09] Oh, boy.

[1:12:13] It really makes me question my imagination as a comedian that I'm like,

[1:12:18] well, I could never think of anything as crazy as these tattoos.

[1:12:21] Yeah, the craziest ones are the ones that you see and you're like,

[1:12:24] wow, that's actually pretty great.

[1:12:27] Great in the sense that the artwork is very accurate, I would say,

[1:12:32] not necessarily oh yeah some of those yeah yeah yeah there's there's one that's like a drawing

[1:12:37] of casper the friendly ghost but with a like a giant boner and then it's like followed by

[1:12:42] multiple reflections of the same image and i'm like oh i'm haunted by the thought of this

[1:12:47] it's like uh it's like the end of uh of that alan moore providence comic

[1:12:52] okay well this is the part where we give uh final judgments and of course we have our special

[1:12:57] Shocktober

[1:12:58] Categories that

[1:13:00] Oh I forgot about these

[1:13:02] Baffle my ghosts

[1:13:03] Every time

[1:13:04] Was this movie

[1:13:05] Totally scarifying

[1:13:06] Was it totally

[1:13:07] Snorifying

[1:13:08] Or was it

[1:13:10] Frightfully funny

[1:13:11] Guys

[1:13:14] Now is it

[1:13:15] Frightfully funny

[1:13:16] Or frighteningly funny

[1:13:17] Fright

[1:13:17] I think it's frightfully

[1:13:19] I prefer frightfully

[1:13:21] Let's

[1:13:21] Okay

[1:13:22] Let's go with frightfully

[1:13:23] You know let's do

[1:13:24] What Dan prefers

[1:13:25] Now

[1:13:26] look it happens so so infrequently i know i'm um just giving you the business let's see uh

[1:13:35] well here's where those categories fall apart completely and i return to our normal categories

[1:13:41] guys i gotta admit i kind of i love dan that you you you introduced those categories no one was

[1:13:48] asking for them just to immediately describe i mean people people i think like the specify that

[1:13:54] prefers one one way and then getting rid of it i like to do it it's like it's like you ordered

[1:14:01] a price fixed meal at a at a restaurant we're very specific about how you wanted the sauce

[1:14:06] on the side and then when it arrived you threw it away and said give me a hamburger

[1:14:09] i think that i just i think people enjoy the confusion that they feel from you guys when i

[1:14:16] introduce it but i gotta say this movie is certainly not uh totally scarifying like this

[1:14:22] movie is an utter failure as a horror movie there's nothing frightening about anything that

[1:14:26] happens in this movie but i have to admit i sort of enjoyed it while i was watching it now there's

[1:14:31] it totally falls apart if you give it any examination at all like the plot makes no sense

[1:14:38] but it a lot of stuff is always happening it's the basic premise is you know pretty fun

[1:14:47] like the movie certainly could lose at least 20 minutes this movie is almost two hours it should

[1:14:52] be a tight 90 if not like 82 but um i don't know when we were watching it audrey's like i don't

[1:15:00] know this is fine like i'd give it two and a half stars and i i grinned and then i just handed her

[1:15:07] my phone where i just put on ladder boxed it's fine and rated it two and a half stars so that's

[1:15:14] what i like if you you know if you want something to fall asleep to fantasy island yeah it's a uh

[1:15:21] it's it's a movie that is real uh relatively easy goes down easy filler and so yeah i i didn't it's

[1:15:28] not my sort of thing really but there were some jokes in the movie that i thought were funny it's

[1:15:34] not like i was loling at him but i certainly imagined myself loling uh and so it is i would

[1:15:42] say it is yeah if we're going on the old scale it is uh none of them for me uh and if we're going

[1:15:51] on the new scale it's somewhere between uh snorifying and funny but it's neither of those

[1:15:57] yeah so i guess i'm saying is i reject both scales yeah i like i like that ellie made a big

[1:16:02] deal about dan changing it up and then threw all dan's ratings away this podcast this podcast is

[1:16:08] nothing if not like a slow lesson to all of us uh about how art it's impossible to you know shove

[1:16:16] art to categories yeah well especially these categories yeah you know like why try and uh

[1:16:22] ascribe like a numerical value on the quality of art just talk about it man it's meant to be

[1:16:27] experienced yeah speaking of which uh i would probably say it's uh uh in between snorifying

[1:16:34] and frighteningly funny there's some really dumb moments and just the whole structure of the third

[1:16:39] act just doesn't make any sense ever and it feels like it's just thrown together by somebody who

[1:16:45] has a short attention span and is just trying to i don't know like surprise people i guess i don't

[1:16:52] know uh but yeah whatever yeah if it's there are worse things that you could watch at a slumber

[1:16:58] party when you are 13 or 14 perfect you're at a slumber party the best you can do is a pg-13 movie

[1:17:05] i don't know put this on unless you're gonna watch drag me to hell which is the infinitely

[1:17:09] better option yeah oh yeah i mean a hundred or like alien like that's you could watch that

[1:17:13] is alien pg-13 it might as well be it's it's uh it's pretty great i give it 13 out of 10

[1:17:20] Is that your quantifying of PG-13?

[1:17:23] Yeah, PG-13, pretty great, 13 out of 10, yeah.

[1:17:25] And R stands for sometimes.

[1:17:30] Oh, I thought it stood for radical.

[1:17:34] It depends on what movie it is, really.

[1:17:37] Yeah, that's true.

[1:17:38] Macho man to the top rope.

[1:17:46] The flying elbow, the cover.

[1:17:50] we've got a new champion we're here with macho man randy savage after his big win to become the

[1:17:59] new world champion what are you gonna do now match i'm gonna go listen to the newest episode

[1:18:05] of the tights and fights podcast oh yeah tell us more about this podcast it's the podcast of power

[1:18:11] too sweet to be sour funky like a monkey woke discussions man and jokes about wrestlers fashion

[1:18:18] choices myself excluded yeah i can't wait to listen neither can i you can find it saturdays

[1:18:25] on maximum fun oh yeah dig it if you're looking for a new comedy podcast why not try the beef and

[1:18:34] dairy network it won best comedy at the british podcast awards in 2017 and 2018 also i love there

[1:18:43] There were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s.

[1:18:46] Specialist bovine arse vet.

[1:18:48] Both of his eyes are squid's eyes.

[1:18:49] Yogurt buffet.

[1:18:50] She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life.

[1:18:54] Farm-raised snow leopard.

[1:18:56] Download it today.

[1:19:00] That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast from MaximumFun.org.

[1:19:04] Also, maybe start at episode one or, weirdly, episode 36,

[1:19:08] which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show.

[1:19:11] OK, guys, well, it's time to move on to the next section of our show.

[1:19:15] We don't have any businesses sponsoring us today.

[1:19:18] Well, wait, wait, wait.

[1:19:19] Before we do, I apologize.

[1:19:21] One thing that says the IMDb trivia that might have changed our mind.

[1:19:24] Apparently, Fantasy Island, they wanted Nicolas Cage to play Mr. Rourke.

[1:19:28] Yes, here.

[1:19:29] But he turned down the role.

[1:19:30] So that might have changed things around.

[1:19:31] I can't believe, number one, that we didn't mention that before because I saw the same thing.

[1:19:37] And number two, that Nicolas Cage turned down a role.

[1:19:41] But let's move on.

[1:19:43] Like I was saying, no companies are sponsoring us.

[1:19:48] Well, that's not true.

[1:19:50] Jumbotron companies are companies in and of themselves.

[1:19:53] But we've only got Jumbotrons.

[1:19:55] So, Elliot, as you are the only one here currently, could you do the Jumbotron that I sent you?

[1:20:02] Because when I said, oh, wait, one more thing, that was Stuart's cue to leave.

[1:20:06] So I will now do my Jumbotron.

[1:20:11] For decades, Roger Ebert wrote a regular column to create his own definitive list of the great movies and foster a love of cinema from all over the world.

[1:20:19] Roger's List is the podcast where Steve Guntley and a rotating cast of co-hosts are setting out to watch each and every one of them.

[1:20:27] From The Godfather to Groundhog Day.

[1:20:29] It's just the G movies, I guess.

[1:20:31] That's just me interjecting.

[1:20:32] You kind of want to do an A movie and then a Z movie.

[1:20:34] From Beloved Staples to Underground Curios, Steve and his guests are watching them all.

[1:20:38] check out the funny insightful and informative rogers list podcast today subscribe to rogers

[1:20:43] list on apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts that does sound like an interesting

[1:20:48] podcast i think i'm gonna try it uh stewart and you also have a jumbotron okay let me just pull

[1:20:55] it up let me read this one yeah okay uh this message is for elliot calen and stewart wellington

[1:21:05] okay uh it's from binge listener okay binge listener you know odd name but that's fine

[1:21:12] uh dear flopperinos long time and binge listener one thing i have noticed is that it seems like

[1:21:22] picking on dan has reached a cruel phase as of late i have spent money to ask that you stop

[1:21:29] bullying dan so much on the podcast it makes me sad and i want to be happy listening to you well

[1:21:38] that i mean that's a real like there's a real loophole that has been opened up there which

[1:21:42] means that you can bully me off the podcast uh-huh yeah which i mean i guess that you do bring up a

[1:21:49] good point i mean this is clearly a critique of our performance on the podcast because i think it

[1:21:54] I mean, I like to think that we are separate people.

[1:21:58] You know, we're performers, and we're also,

[1:22:00] we have a private life where we're all very close friends.

[1:22:04] Yeah.

[1:22:04] And the show gives us kind of a safe space

[1:22:08] to try and make each other laugh and perform.

[1:22:10] And I feel like Dan, as a performer,

[1:22:13] is very good at being kind of the heel sometimes.

[1:22:17] So that leads to...

[1:22:21] Is heel accurate so much as,

[1:22:22] Maybe I'm more of a Bob Newhart sort of character where I get a lot of abuse.

[1:22:27] Yeah, I was going to say doofus.

[1:22:29] More like the doofus who kind of messes things up and then we make fun of him.

[1:22:33] Which is not nice.

[1:22:34] Which is not nice on our part.

[1:22:35] But I feel like, at least for me, part of the joke is that I'm a dumb asshole.

[1:22:41] Yeah.

[1:22:41] No, no, look, let's address this.

[1:22:44] Let's make it clear.

[1:22:44] These two are much, much, much, much nicer to me off air.

[1:22:50] They're both real sweethearts.

[1:22:52] I mean, other than the times that we all get sort of irritated at one another.

[1:22:56] The listeners should know that you are much meaner off air.

[1:22:59] That's true.

[1:23:00] No, I come across as sort of an affable person, if quick to anger.

[1:23:06] But no, no.

[1:23:07] No, the thing is, you know, the strife mostly only comes out off air in the sense that any three friends who now essentially run a business together might get annoyed at one another.

[1:23:19] But other than that, on a personal level, we're all very close.

[1:23:24] Just a reassurance.

[1:23:26] I think I will say, listener, I hear your critique.

[1:23:32] I don't fully agree with it.

[1:23:35] It's a critique I've been hit with before,

[1:23:37] and I feel like the abuse we give to Dan sometimes goes too far,

[1:23:43] often not far enough.

[1:23:45] But I will quote, to explain to my true feelings, which I hope come through more often, and which I'll try to have come through more often,

[1:23:53] I'll quote something that my older son Sammy said to me today, where he said, I love Dan.

[1:23:57] So there's a lot of love for Dan in my heart and in my house, and I know Stuart feels the same way.

[1:24:02] And so we will try to be more loving with him on the podcast.

[1:24:08] No, no one wants to hear that.

[1:24:09] No, no, Dan, from now on, we're only going to tell you how great you are and how handsome you are.

[1:24:15] I can't say that because my voice automatically always sounds sarcastic.

[1:24:19] So even if I'm speaking from my heart, people are like, oh, man, Stuart's winding everybody up again.

[1:24:26] Which does not work well when I'm at the bar and I'm like trying to get a drunk guy to leave calmly.

[1:24:33] They're like, why is this tall, handsome guy being mean to me?

[1:24:37] I want to punch him.

[1:24:38] And I'm like, don't punch me.

[1:24:39] That's my moneymaker.

[1:24:40] I'm talking about the cash register I carry around with myself at all times.

[1:24:45] That you hold in front of your face all the time.

[1:24:47] Yeah, yeah.

[1:24:48] I do like this new precedent that if anyone wants to criticize us, they have to pay us to do it.

[1:24:51] Yeah.

[1:24:52] So thank you, binge listener, for setting that up.

[1:24:54] Let's keep that going.

[1:24:56] Do not tweet at any of us.

[1:24:58] Instead, yeah, pay a fee to have the critique happen on air.

[1:25:04] At this point, I seem to use Twitter almost exclusively as a way to interact with my mom.

[1:25:10] I did like when you and your mom were telling each other what was being cooked at your house.

[1:25:15] Oh, yeah, yeah, Wellington updates, baby.

[1:25:17] Oh, yeah, how did the chili turn out, Stuart?

[1:25:19] I felt bad that I couldn't have any.

[1:25:22] Yeah, I mean, I went to all the effort to make a delicious chili,

[1:25:27] and I posted pictures on social media

[1:25:29] because I was hoping I would coax Dan out of his hole and come to my home.

[1:25:33] I had seen Dan posting pictures of his lovely walks around.

[1:25:36] I'm not going to come to your home during the pandemic.

[1:25:40] I just want to point out that I like that Dan took issue with the idea that Stuart was at home,

[1:25:44] but not with the issue with the idea that Dan lives in a hole.

[1:25:47] I mean, hobbits live in holes too, Elliot.

[1:25:49] Yeah.

[1:25:50] So I had seen Dan posting pictures from Prospect Park,

[1:25:54] so I knew he was out and about sometimes.

[1:25:56] And so I made chili at Hinterlands.

[1:26:00] It was a special.

[1:26:01] I put a lot of love and a little bit of heat into that chili,

[1:26:06] and it turned out really good.

[1:26:07] It was very spicy.

[1:26:09] I would say yesterday it was close to like a four alarm,

[1:26:12] But today, it's a little bit closer to like a two o'clock.

[1:26:16] Well, I will say, and look, as I've grown older, I'm not embarrassed to share these things with people.

[1:26:22] I was not out and about yesterday because I was at home pooping a lot.

[1:26:28] And so chili would not have been the thing for me at that point.

[1:26:32] So, yeah, I apologize that my intestines prevented me from enjoying your cooking.

[1:26:39] I'll save some for a day when you are not pooping a lot.

[1:26:42] I would love that.

[1:26:43] Just make sure to let me know.

[1:26:44] I mean, we probably can't schedule that in advance because you never know.

[1:26:48] Yeah.

[1:26:48] Okay, now the plaintiff and the defendant have stated their case.

[1:26:52] Now I, Judge Kalen on Chili Court, will go into my chambers and figure out who's going to win this case.

[1:26:57] Hmm.

[1:26:58] Hmm.

[1:26:59] My chambers, of course, being the bathroom.

[1:27:01] I'm out.

[1:27:01] Okay, that was fast.

[1:27:03] And, guys, I've made my decision.

[1:27:04] I'm going to issue a writ of habeas pupus and declare in favor of Dan.

[1:27:09] So, Stuart, I'm sorry you lost this one on Chili Court.

[1:27:12] But feel free to bring any more of your Chili arguments to Chili Court,

[1:27:16] the one televised court where we only deal with Chili.

[1:27:19] You know, that's the thing.

[1:27:20] Like, it's good enough that I get to play, you know?

[1:27:23] Yeah.

[1:27:23] Thanks for having me.

[1:27:24] It's always a pleasure.

[1:27:26] I believe you had a piece of personal promotion and one for the show.

[1:27:31] Feel free to do them in whatever order you feel most comfortable with.

[1:27:36] Let's start with the one for the show.

[1:27:39] Hey, everybody, in case you weren't paying attention to previous episodes,

[1:27:41] we're going to be doing another live episode for charity.

[1:27:44] That's right, on the Flophouse YouTube page on October 24th,

[1:27:47] one week before Halloween at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific,

[1:27:52] we'll be talking and maybe rocking about the movie Exorcist II, The Heretic.

[1:27:57] A lot of people enjoyed our Howard the Duck show that's going to be just like that.

[1:28:01] It's going to be the exact experience of a Flophouse Live show in your living room or wherever your computer is.

[1:28:07] Take it into the bathroom with you.

[1:28:08] I don't care.

[1:28:08] It's on the YouTube page.

[1:28:10] You can watch it on your phone, too.

[1:28:11] Yeah, watch it on your phone in the bathroom.

[1:28:13] Or, you know, bring the TV in.

[1:28:15] Maybe you have a tablet.

[1:28:15] Just take it on the toilet and enjoy the show.

[1:28:18] It's going to be at the Flophouse YouTube page.

[1:28:19] You can watch on any sort of item, but you must be on the toilet.

[1:28:23] That's the rule.

[1:28:25] Ironically, it's not our rule.

[1:28:26] That's what the director John Borman stipulated about The Exorcist 2, The Heretic, that it must be watched on the toilet.

[1:28:32] And so that's going to be October 24th, one week before Halloween.

[1:28:34] We're going to do presentations.

[1:28:35] We'll talk about the movie.

[1:28:36] We'll take some listener questions over Twitter, and we're going to be doing it again for charity, for a list of charities that will be up on the Flophouse website.

[1:28:45] So that's that on October 24th.

[1:28:47] Here's an announcement now that's not for charity but very much for my own personal profit.

[1:28:52] I have a new book out.

[1:28:53] It's a children's book called Sharko and Hippo.

[1:28:55] it is a marx brothers inspired uh children's book book it's not a children's burke that's

[1:29:00] not a thing that exists it's a children's book uh it's got pictures by the wonderful andrea

[1:29:05] tsurumi and that is out in stores or for order online now please support your local bookstore

[1:29:10] and get a copy of sharko and hippo elliot i'm going and i am uh i am ordering sharko and hippo

[1:29:19] as we speak.

[1:29:20] Oh, cool.

[1:29:22] Walk us through that process.

[1:29:23] Well, I mean,

[1:29:25] it's pretty much done by now.

[1:29:26] I did not...

[1:29:28] Okay, so thank you.

[1:29:29] I did not buy Horsemeat's Dog,

[1:29:31] I have to admit,

[1:29:31] but the combination of you

[1:29:34] and a Marx Brothers-themed

[1:29:36] or inspired children's book

[1:29:40] has inspired me

[1:29:42] to get Horse...

[1:29:44] Not Horsemeat's Dog.

[1:29:45] That's your old one.

[1:29:45] Get that one, too.

[1:29:46] Sharko Hippo.

[1:29:47] I mean, go buy Horsemeat's Dog.

[1:29:48] If you haven't bought Horsemeat's Dog, the one I did with Tim Miller, please buy that, too.

[1:29:51] That one's also hilarious.

[1:29:52] But this one's hilarious, too.

[1:29:54] It's kid-tested, me-approved.

[1:29:55] My kids love it, and I think yours will, too.

[1:29:58] Maybe if you're an adult, you will, too.

[1:29:59] It's called Sharko and Hippo.

[1:30:00] I would like to correct myself.

[1:30:01] I have bought Horsemeat's Dog for others.

[1:30:03] As a childless person myself, I did not buy it.

[1:30:06] But this one is for me, Sharko and Hippo.

[1:30:09] But you've been looking for more bait for your windowless van, and you think Sharko and Hippo might be the book.

[1:30:13] Don't.

[1:30:14] Please don't.

[1:30:15] Okay, so.

[1:30:17] And what's the next segment of the show?

[1:30:19] The next segment is letters from listeners like you, the listeners.

[1:30:24] It's a little redundant, but we can't change it now.

[1:30:29] Amos' last name withheld writes this.

[1:30:31] Be nicer to Dan.

[1:30:32] Be nicer to Dan.

[1:30:35] I make it so hard.

[1:30:37] Stuart, only the hard things are worth doing.

[1:30:39] We've got to remember that.

[1:30:40] I feel like he's leaning into it, Elliot.

[1:30:42] Yeah, okay.

[1:30:43] Amos' last name withheld writes,

[1:30:45] As a 90s kid, I grew up with some early 2000s films that I used to love, but in retrospect, were abysmal.

[1:30:52] For example, as a child, I laughed at every stupid joke in the Steve Martin Pink Panther reboot,

[1:30:58] the Leslie Nielsen Mr. Magoo movie, and most bewilderingly of all, even Old Dogs.

[1:31:04] I can only look back on my childhood in disbelief and wonder why I rewatched those terrible movies countless times.

[1:31:12] So, floppers, my question is, are there any bad movies that were staples of your childhood

[1:31:17] that you would now flop on the podcast?

[1:31:20] Keep on flopping in the free world, Amos' last name withheld.

[1:31:25] My brother, John, insists that I loved the Water Babies movie when I was a kid, the cartoon.

[1:31:34] I maintain...

[1:31:36] Water babies, they make your dreams come true.

[1:31:40] I maintain that...

[1:31:41] water babies but not any scary fantasy island way if you want to have your dream but you don't want

[1:31:48] it to turn into zombies don't go to fantasy island instead hang out with the water babies

[1:31:54] water water water water bay bay babies etc uh so uh as i was saying i i maintain wait wait

[1:32:05] jordan leave a pause there for the applause from the listeners at home yeah yeah uh i mean

[1:32:10] longer pause longer pause more applause okay thank you uh i maintained that i was just uh

[1:32:16] a five-year-old who would watch any cartoon in front of me but later on um there are there like

[1:32:22] in the dumb comedy realm of this i remember watching like some john candy things that like

[1:32:27] you know john candy always charming not often in the movies best served by the material given to

[1:32:34] him uh so i would watch you know like who's harry crumb which i'm sure would not would not like

[1:32:40] bring me much joy these days i remember thinking that delirious actually had some pretty funny

[1:32:44] stuff i wonder if it would hold up but that was another one i would see a lot uh what do you guys

[1:32:49] have i mean when i was a kid i watched a lot of movies that i still love gremlins 2 the stars

[1:32:56] wars is and stuff like that uh but also in my house we watched teen wolf a lot and we've talked

[1:33:01] about teen wolf on the podcast but that is very that's one probably for us to keep in mind actually

[1:33:05] for a for a future special show because that is there's a lot to dig into about that dumb movie

[1:33:11] and it is it's so dumb like it's and every i i'm sure there's stuff i'm forgetting about it that's

[1:33:16] dumb but we used to watch it constantly because it's my sister's favorite movie i uh i mean i

[1:33:22] don't know i watched all your normal stuff uh my wife and i have been rewatch uh not rewatching

[1:33:27] We've been watching for the first time the television show Cobra Kai.

[1:33:30] So it made me think about how many times I watched the Karate Kid movies and how I never really considered the trauma that would be inflicted in you.

[1:33:39] Even if you win the karate tournament, the the bullying, you know, it stays with you, you know.

[1:33:44] But I don't know, like like you guys were saying, like for a while, like the movie I was most excited about and couldn't stop thinking about was Second Sight with John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot.

[1:33:57] Uh, like I would just, I would just think of the movie poster and I'd be, uh, it'd sweep

[1:34:02] me away into a new world of imagination.

[1:34:04] Um, uh, and you know, movies like that.

[1:34:07] Uh, I think my brother's favorite movie was Ski Patrol.

[1:34:09] So I watched Ski Patrol a lot and by my brother's, yeah, I mean, it was my brother's favorite.

[1:34:14] It was like in my top five probably.

[1:34:16] Uh, and I, having rewatched that recently after our Howard the Duck live show, you know

[1:34:21] what?

[1:34:21] It's still good.

[1:34:22] Nothing wrong with that movie.

[1:34:24] I think that there are a lot of movies probably of like with like big comedy stars of that era that I would like give a shot even though and and keep watching even though they were not good just because of who was in it.

[1:34:37] Like I remember like watching Loose Cannons with Dan Aykroyd and Gene Hackman.

[1:34:42] And it's like this is this is an awful, awful movie.

[1:34:46] I feel like I saw Armed and Dangerous like every other week when I was a kid somehow.

[1:34:51] Or like The Toy.

[1:34:52] Brewster's Millions.

[1:34:53] saw over and over again because it was always on wgn and i'm like it was just good enough just good

[1:35:00] enough but not any better yeah i watched that recently because i didn't remember it at all

[1:35:06] and charlene was like you don't remember brewster's millions so we watch brewster's millions

[1:35:10] um the i feel like the thing is and we've talked about this probably quite a bit but like a lot of

[1:35:16] the movies that i watched a lot that i consider to be kind of bad part of the reason why i think

[1:35:20] they're kind of bad

[1:35:21] is because of things

[1:35:22] that I wouldn't really

[1:35:23] want to joke about

[1:35:24] on a podcast

[1:35:24] like I don't know

[1:35:25] like 16 Candles

[1:35:26] or Revenge of the Nerds

[1:35:27] or some shit

[1:35:28] well there's a lot of

[1:35:29] there's movies

[1:35:29] with problematic stuff too

[1:35:30] of course when you're a kid

[1:35:32] in the 80s

[1:35:33] you don't fully notice

[1:35:34] but there are other movies

[1:35:35] where it's like

[1:35:36] like Baby Legend

[1:35:39] of the Lost Dinosaur

[1:35:40] or something

[1:35:41] where I'm sure

[1:35:41] there's both problematic aspects

[1:35:42] and if I watch it now

[1:35:43] I'd be like

[1:35:43] what is this

[1:35:44] taking that VHS cassette home

[1:35:47] I was so fucking excited

[1:35:49] that I was going to see

[1:35:50] a fucking dinosaur yeah yeah the vhs tape i rented from the grocery store because that's where you

[1:35:57] got vhs tapes along with tammy the t-rex and theodore rex you're like all three of them

[1:36:04] together tapes uh this triple feature this next one's from connor last name withheld

[1:36:10] who writes john connor uh in the future oh wow dear peaches i was wondering if you guys had any

[1:36:17] favorite foreign ripoff cinema for example turkish star wars indian superman etc you might be able to

[1:36:25] pass along yours and flop connor lasting withheld uh just this last year i watched lady terminator

[1:36:31] from indonesia uh which was a lot of fun like it's and it it's a movie that takes the basic

[1:36:41] outline of the terminator uh for it's like like maybe second and third acts but the first act is

[1:36:50] all about like the the setup is different like there's this ancient sex goddess like like uh

[1:36:58] snake goddess who uh gets a curse on her like it's a very different kind of feel it's a lot more

[1:37:05] mystical but uh it's a very that wasn't in the original terminator no it's extremely entertaining

[1:37:12] that's a it's a fun one anyone else have anything or not i don't know i mean i am a fan of turkish

[1:37:18] star wars i think it gets kind of dull after a while but the first 10 minutes or so that is

[1:37:23] is pretty fun like nonsense and i love the fact that the backgrounds they're using for the space

[1:37:30] fight scenes is just footage from star wars so you'll see this the foot like battle footage from

[1:37:36] star wars in the background and the character like spaceships flying through spaceships and

[1:37:40] things like that but uh yeah i don't know i wonder if there's yeah i i don't i actually don't have a

[1:37:45] lot of experience with this sort of stuff that's like i feel like it's a pretty big staple of like

[1:37:49] bad movie culture yeah uh that i i that that was never really part of my my uh my schooling i mean

[1:37:57] i will i i will acknowledge that there is perhaps in an icky side to like the idea of like okay well

[1:38:04] these other cultures have done like this bad version of a hollywood blockbuster and laughing

[1:38:09] at that but i also and i understand like that that part of it i don't care for but sometimes you

[1:38:17] watch these movies and it's like you know be kind rewind where you're watching these hollywood

[1:38:23] style movies like done in this handmade way that makes them a lot more charming and then like

[1:38:30] people throwing in elements from local culture to like you know make it make make it their own

[1:38:38] that's a lot of fun yeah there's some joy of cinema yeah um so those are the questions the

[1:38:45] letters for for uh this episode um and there's one last thing we need to do before signing off

[1:38:52] uh for this flop house and that is make recommendations of movies that you may want

[1:39:00] to watch instead of fantasy let's let's just say that uh it's shocktober so i'm going to recommend

[1:39:06] a movie that it was uh recommended previously but uh way back by paul sabourin uh as a guest

[1:39:13] uh none of us said anything about it in particular and that is train to busan

[1:39:17] which i finally got around to watching i sort of put it off because i will be honest with you guys

[1:39:23] i'm kind of zombied out used to be my favorite of the uh major horror monsters now i'm like

[1:39:30] can we just stop with the zombies but it is a very uh kinetic that is a great title for a zombie

[1:39:36] movie those can we just stop that is like the attitude of the uh the like nerdy brother from

[1:39:42] the mummy franchise by the time they get to the third mummy movie yeah yeah stop with the mummies

[1:39:47] you've talked about his character arc right from i don't believe in mummies i'm scared of mummies i

[1:39:52] i'm tired of mummies yeah well train to busan is a is a korean horror movie and it um it shares with

[1:40:01] oddly enough a snow piercer uh the uh being trapped on a train element and the sort of class

[1:40:08] um the class undercurrent the uh the metaphor uh of of the movie but um but very different it's a

[1:40:17] it's very much an action horror movie with like just wanting to supply you with thrills and it

[1:40:23] won me over like i said too many zombies in my life before this movie not sure i need to see a

[1:40:29] lot more zombie movies unless they bring something new to the table but this one um uh audrey told

[1:40:35] me i had to recommend it because she could hear me from the other room yelling at the screen at

[1:40:40] different points like no why don't stop no yeah there's a it's it's it's like a really well-made

[1:40:46] movie and the sequence there are a bunch of great sequences where you're like no no no no don't do

[1:40:50] that don't do that yeah and the production values are astonishing yes so it looks amazing yeah you

[1:40:55] know so if you're looking for like a fun horror movie this season that's a good one yeah yeah

[1:41:01] that's it's uh high energy yeah i'm gonna recommend a horror movie uh this is a smaller

[1:41:09] horror movie i'm gonna recommend bliss which you can watch on shutter uh it was directed by

[1:41:16] written and directed by joe bagos bigos uh who recently did a movie called vfw

[1:41:21] um it's this little micro budget movie about an artist who uh is having a little bit of artist

[1:41:28] block uh and she uh gets deeper and deeper into her drug addiction and she is uh she encounters

[1:41:38] a drug that uh basically turns her into a bloodthirsty maniac um but at the same time

[1:41:45] it's uh even though she's coping with uh struggling with what she is uh doing uh it's also fueling her

[1:41:52] art so it kind of uh it you know it's kind of a silly movie and some of the performances are

[1:41:58] wonderfully stiff uh i think there's an honesty to the way it presents addiction and art and

[1:42:05] partying and it's uh it's pretty fun uh i'm gonna recommend since i had a movie to recommend that uh

[1:42:13] i'm going to change my recommendation because i forgot i should have a horror movie recommendation

[1:42:17] so stay tuned for a different movie

[1:42:19] on a different episode

[1:42:20] but I'm going to recommend a movie that I thought

[1:42:23] I'd recommended before but I guess I hadn't

[1:42:25] and that's The Others starring Nicole Kidman

[1:42:27] which is a great horror movie

[1:42:29] for people who don't like horror movies

[1:42:31] I really like it a lot I remember seeing it in the theaters

[1:42:33] when it came out in 2001 and really being like

[1:42:35] swept away by it you know

[1:42:37] and a few years ago

[1:42:39] on Halloween I really wanted to watch a horror movie

[1:42:41] my wife is not a big horror movie fan she does not like

[1:42:43] to be scared and we watched this and she really

[1:42:45] liked it a lot and so if you happen to be in that situation let's say you have a partner who is not

[1:42:50] into scary movies then the others is a real spooky old-fashioned ghost story to watch and

[1:42:55] nicole kidman's great in it and the movie looks beautiful and i will recommend it sounds great

[1:43:03] yeah that's a great one i feel like that's a movie that uh has uh appreciation for it like

[1:43:09] people liked it when it first came out it may have even been nominated for some stuff but i feel like

[1:43:12] it is uh it is it's kind of a low-key like uh i guess like foundational like horror movie like

[1:43:21] for uh i mean it's just one of those things where it like i think it's it's esteem has grown over

[1:43:26] like quietly grown over time i think it's a very non-flashy horror movie in a lot of ways and i

[1:43:32] think it just like yeah it's it pulls off the fundamentals of a very old-fashioned type of

[1:43:38] ghost story very well and and nicole kidman's performance in it is is fantastic and like it's

[1:43:44] a movie that like uh when it first came out i remember being disappointed that it kind of

[1:43:48] came and went kind of disappeared but um according to wikipedia it made 200 million dollars the box

[1:43:53] office i guess worldwide so i guess it didn't disappear that much but uh no i remember it being

[1:43:59] a minor hit especially because like ghost like a slow burn ghost story was not a thing that was uh

[1:44:07] you know like so big at the time like i feel like we've actually gotten more into that kind of

[1:44:12] horror being a thing again recently well it's like you were talking about those a24 movies

[1:44:18] and the others kind of feels like a little bit of a precursor to that yeah it's a link between like

[1:44:23] an old older movie like the haunting and and those current kind of a24

[1:44:27] atmosphere 24 movies turn that atmosphere up to 24 with a24 uh so that's this show

[1:44:36] in the books, but fear not,

[1:44:38] another Shocktober episode

[1:44:40] is coming right up

[1:44:42] in a couple of weeks.

[1:44:44] Two weeks.

[1:44:46] Two weeks, in fact.

[1:44:47] The show is released every two weeks

[1:44:49] with many episodes on the alternating weeks

[1:44:52] and will continue to be like that.

[1:44:53] Okay, well, thanks.

[1:44:55] You might say it's spookily regularly scheduled.

[1:44:58] You can say that.

[1:45:00] You might say it's frighteningly

[1:45:02] consistent in your podcast app feed.

[1:45:04] Yeah.

[1:45:06] uh okay guys this room's hot so uh let's uh wrap it on up thank you for to jordan uh for

[1:45:13] editing the show jordan cowling you mean yep thank you to you guys for being here thank you for

[1:45:19] me guys thank you dan for being you yeah thanks dan for always doing everything you do all the

[1:45:24] time um for the flop house i've been dan mccoy i've been stewart wellington and i am elliot

[1:45:31] Kaelin saying, thanks for listening.

[1:45:33] Bye.

[1:45:34] Bye.

[1:45:36] Now you may ask,

[1:45:53] did I think that maybe I should do a joke there

[1:45:55] where I kept going? And I did think that

[1:45:57] and I decided, eh, let's just end the episode.

[1:46:01] maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

Ep. #325 - Fantasy Island

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