FH Mini 16 - Jackie Chan?

[0:00] oh man good to be back in the saddle the saddle in seattle yeah by that i mean back in my storage

[0:12] room to sit on an uncomfortable stool uh because i don't think it'd be a good idea to i don't think

[0:19] any podcaster should have a comfortable chair yeah it's an uncomfortable position to be in

[0:24] where you are sharing your views over the internet with the entire world audience you know

[0:30] after so much time in quarantine uh when you talked about your uncomfortable chair my immediate

[0:36] reaction was to say i'm sorry baby so stewart how would you have reacted if i had said i'm sorry

[0:43] baby i'd have been like i'd have been like oh no problem sweet thing now dan what is it about

[0:50] quarantine that makes you call other people baby the fact that i am

[0:54] quarantined with my girlfriend who and you call your girlfriend baby the yeah frequently i mean

[1:00] like this is like the most the person i see most during quarantine is by far it's just no no it's

[1:07] just because i never call my wife baby it's just not the way we talk you call your wife

[1:10] i say sweetie or lovey yeah i don't like i gotta say elliot you know like we all you know

[1:18] different strokes don't care for lovey don't never well i lovey is lovey is out there it's

[1:24] lovey is on the edge my friend i mean i don't see how it's i don't see how it's any more extreme

[1:29] than comparing her to a baby yeah yeah i mean that's that's because that's what he's doing

[1:35] when he looks at her yeah let's not put a thing on this no no he sees her as a baby baby new year

[1:41] specifically with a sash that says 2021 because he's looking forward to that new year i mean

[1:47] to be honest the prospect of uh reaching 2021 kind of gives me a boner yeah

[1:54] um have we started who knows no we haven't probably start now um hey everyone this is

[2:01] the flop house i'm dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington i'm elliot caitlin eager to see

[2:08] what is gonna pop out of dan mccoy's mouth next yeah well because this is uh an off week uh

[2:15] normally on the show we watch a bad movie then we talk about it but we've taken to doing these

[2:19] uh mini shows on off weeks that are um whatever

[2:24] you know we want to do in the moment and they have made the mistake yeah of putting me in the

[2:29] driver's seat tonight and boy howdy do i have a surprise for them and for you i just hope it's

[2:37] kind of like it's kind of like this puzzle box that i got all of a sudden i'm like oh i i guess

[2:42] i solved it what's gonna come out oh chains with hooks oh no uh centibites now dan i'm just hoping

[2:49] this mini soda is different from when you surprised us with your dan mccoy mini sodas

[2:54] which were actually your pee and tiny airplane bottles uh yeah but i mean the the portions was

[3:00] what bothered you though right that was the yeah i said give me more of that sweet pee

[3:05] elliot guccioni jr over here hey stewart he his investment in that may turn out to be true someday

[3:14] that's the sex of the future yeah that's true you're right i'm not forward thinking enough

[3:20] i feel like there's a definitely there's a movie to be made i'm not the one to

[3:24] make it about bob guccioni the porn millionaire who then lost everything in his dual uh assumptions

[3:31] that the future would be golden showers and cold fusion yeah but he spent years throwing money

[3:38] away at cold fusion research and also golden showers um so guys uh i'm just making a little

[3:47] note here and let's we'll go um is that note gonna play into the episode later

[3:54] yeah i will i i was that's checkbox note i was giving myself a little uh indicator of

[3:59] when maybe i should stop to read the ad it's nothing exciting uh so let's maybe not talk

[4:06] about it anymore here's my many for you gentlemen on episode 213 christian mingle

[4:17] if you will recall i had some confusion over jackie chan dan i don't even dan i don't even

[4:24] and remember that we did the movie Christian Mingle.

[4:26] And at least the first half of Hard Target, too.

[4:33] I watched a movie called Mr. Nice Guy the other day.

[4:36] You know the Jackie Chan movie?

[4:38] No.

[4:38] I don't think that was it.

[4:40] Who's in it?

[4:41] A different one.

[4:41] You don't think that was it?

[4:43] So, like, you don't remember if Jackie Chan was in the movie or not?

[4:46] Yeah, one of the biggest stars in the world.

[4:48] Let me tell you, Jackie Chan usually makes a pretty specific impression.

[4:51] No, I mean...

[4:53] It's not like you couldn't remember if it was, like,

[4:56] whether it was, like, James Agar or John Agar, like, you know,

[5:05] or Peter Graves, you know, something like that,

[5:07] in a movie from the 50s.

[5:08] All right.

[5:09] Maybe I was thinking of a different movie.

[5:11] This story didn't go anywhere.

[5:13] You still don't know if Jackie Chan was in it?

[5:15] No.

[5:15] Here's Dan.

[5:17] I'm going to ask you one simple question.

[5:18] Was Jackie Chan in the movie?

[5:21] Jackie Chan.

[5:21] Whatever movie I watched.

[5:23] It did not have Jackie Chan in it.

[5:24] So it's not the Mr. Nice Guy that Stuart is referring to.

[5:27] No.

[5:28] Let's checkmate.

[5:29] Let's not pretend we live in this

[5:31] monster world where you could have seen Mr. Nice Guy with Jackie Chan.

[5:36] It was not that movie.

[5:38] I think we've established through this one piece of information.

[5:41] All right, Sherlock Holmes.

[5:44] Slylock Fox.

[5:46] Thanks for...

[5:47] Yeah, thanks for...

[5:48] I just wanted to take out any reasonable doubt

[5:52] that you had mentioned...

[5:53] Maybe watched a Jackie Chan movie

[5:55] and somehow had forgotten

[5:56] that the very unique star Jackie Chan

[6:00] whose synthesis of martial arts virtuosity

[6:03] and slapstick humor

[6:05] is unparalleled in my mind

[6:08] by anyone in the world

[6:10] that you didn't somehow overlook

[6:13] his contributions to a film.

[6:16] They were thinking,

[6:18] who was the guy who did a really funny ladder battle

[6:21] with four organizers?

[6:23] Crime, hit men?

[6:24] I don't even remember.

[6:25] There's no way of saying.

[6:26] All right.

[6:27] We're just going to have to assume

[6:30] we're in some universe where it both was

[6:32] and was not Jackie Chan

[6:33] until through observing the film

[6:36] we collapse those possibilities

[6:39] into one point in time.

[6:41] Sure.

[6:41] All right.

[6:44] He couldn't know if he was in the movie or not.

[6:50] Oh, yeah.

[6:50] Yeah, it was like yesterday.

[6:53] Now, the explanation of what actually happened here...

[6:55] Well, Jackie Chan is not in the movie yesterday.

[6:56] No.

[6:57] He is not in the movie yesterday?

[6:59] No.

[6:59] I'm pretty sure.

[7:00] Is he going to be in the movie tomorrow?

[7:02] Will he be in it tomorrow?

[7:02] God damn it.

[7:04] Sorry.

[7:05] Sorry, Stuart.

[7:06] It's okay.

[7:07] It's fine.

[7:07] Well, the explanation of what actually happened

[7:10] in that clip there

[7:12] is that I had gotten the title

[7:13] of the Anna Kendrick-Sam Rockwell hitman comedy

[7:18] Mr. Right

[7:19] confused with Mr. Nice Guy

[7:22] because they're both...

[7:23] They're both generic names

[7:24] with Mr. in them.

[7:25] However, in the moment,

[7:28] as it unspooled,

[7:29] I decided it would be...

[7:30] No, it unspooled.

[7:31] As it unspooled,

[7:33] I decided it would be funnier

[7:34] to go along with your confusion

[7:36] about me not knowing

[7:37] if Jackie Chan was in a particular movie.

[7:40] This seems like a pretty strong retcon

[7:42] that Dan's like,

[7:43] no, no, I knew the whole time.

[7:45] You fell into my trap.

[7:47] Listeners, you be the judge.

[7:48] Do you think that I actually didn't know

[7:50] whether Jackie Chan was in a movie

[7:52] or...

[7:53] That my explanation makes sense.

[7:55] This is some real Dr. Light

[7:57] was lobotomized by the JLA-type retconning right here.

[8:00] Guys, you're falling right into my trap

[8:02] because since then,

[8:03] I've had the reputation

[8:04] of never knowing if Jackie Chan is in a movie.

[8:06] So tonight,

[8:07] I'm turning the tables on you,

[8:10] the Stu and Elliot.

[8:12] Wait, but are you going to do it in a cool way

[8:14] that Jackie Chan would turn tables

[8:15] to keep attackers away from him?

[8:17] Yep.

[8:18] While all the while

[8:19] grabbing some vases out of the air.

[8:21] Yeah, yeah.

[8:23] They'd be like,

[8:23] why did these goons let Jackie Chan

[8:25] go into a table factory?

[8:26] Why did they allow Jackie Chan

[8:29] to go anywhere with furniture?

[8:30] Don't you know that's his super strength?

[8:32] Yeah, so here we go.

[8:35] This is what's going to happen tonight.

[8:36] I'm going to read you some IMDB plot synopses

[8:41] and you're going to tell me,

[8:43] based on the plot,

[8:44] whether it's a Jackie Chan movie or not.

[8:47] And take note,

[8:48] in the rules of this game,

[8:51] a Jackie Chan movie is defined

[8:52] as any of the 141 movies

[8:56] where Jackie Chan has an acting credit

[8:58] minus whichever of those movies

[9:01] are animated movies.

[9:02] I'm not going to make you remember

[9:04] whether he was a voice.

[9:04] And you mentioned in the rules of the game,

[9:07] I want to mention that

[9:08] in Renoir's rules of the game,

[9:09] Jackie Chan does not appear.

[9:11] Thank you.

[9:12] That is correct for one point.

[9:14] What happens if we score more points?

[9:18] Because we've already gotten a point.

[9:19] That's a point right before the game's even started.

[9:21] That's how good we are.

[9:22] You said it.

[9:22] So we get it.

[9:23] You can't take some fact sheets.

[9:24] So what happens if we win the game, Dan?

[9:28] You'll always win stakes, Stuart.

[9:32] I mean, let's keep in mind

[9:33] that the last time you put a game before us

[9:35] and we won,

[9:35] you did not follow through.

[9:37] Exactly.

[9:37] So why do you want to put another...

[9:38] I think the stakes were getting posted tips.

[9:40] That's the thing.

[9:42] Like, why would you put another thing on me

[9:44] that you know I'm just not going to do?

[9:46] That's fair.

[9:47] That's fair.

[9:48] We are dealing with the Republican Party at this point.

[9:51] It is our fault for assuming...

[9:52] Assuming that you would abide by the norms.

[9:54] That's fair.

[9:55] All right, well...

[9:56] I feel like it would just be a list of additional tasks

[9:58] you'd have to complete

[9:59] when you eventually shuffle off this mortal coil

[10:02] and get to the afterlife.

[10:03] And they're like,

[10:03] well, Dan, you got to do these things

[10:05] before you can get to your eternal slumber.

[10:07] And you're like,

[10:07] ugh, final frost tips.

[10:09] I'll lick this dog turd Stuart made me do.

[10:11] If that's all it takes to get me into heaven,

[10:14] I will do it.

[10:15] Who said heaven?

[10:16] We didn't say heaven, Dan.

[10:17] We just said the afterlife.

[10:18] Oh, well, then I won't do it.

[10:22] I'll prevent myself from doing it

[10:24] if it means that I can just sit around

[10:26] and haunt you guys.

[10:27] That's fair, because in the afterlife

[10:28] you will be headed for the serious strife.

[10:30] That's true.

[10:30] Is that sung by the Cherry Poppin' Dannys?

[10:33] No, it's not.

[10:33] No, that is...

[10:34] It's the Squirrel Nut Boys.

[10:36] The Squirrel Nut Zippers.

[10:36] Oh, my mistake.

[10:38] The Cherry Poppin' Dannys.

[10:40] I forgot about Dan's neo-swing group,

[10:42] the Cherry Poppin' Dannys.

[10:43] Okay, so, guys, here's the first one.

[10:48] This is the synopsis.

[10:50] These are...

[10:52] Contributed by IMDb users.

[10:55] In certain cases,

[10:56] they're edited for length and clarity,

[10:58] but these are all IMDb synopses.

[11:01] If one of them uses the phrase

[11:03] Rumble in the Bronx,

[11:04] you didn't edit that out, right?

[11:05] Yeah.

[11:06] We shall see.

[11:07] Okay.

[11:08] Now, number one.

[11:09] May 1960.

[11:12] Mount Everest,

[11:14] the second step under the cliff.

[11:16] The four members of the

[11:18] China-Everest Climbing Commando

[11:21] are attempting to climb the cliff.

[11:22] The four members of the China-Everest Climbing Commando

[11:22] are attacking the most difficult

[11:23] and most difficult

[11:26] second step.

[11:28] So, these were edited for clarity,

[11:31] but not to avoid

[11:32] moroniccy.

[11:33] This is their fifth assault.

[11:36] What is Jackie Chan in this movie?

[11:38] This is a tough one.

[11:40] It sounds kind of like a Jackie Chan movie,

[11:43] but I'm not sure.

[11:44] It sounds a little bit like Operation Condor,

[11:47] but I can't remember if that's a period film or not.

[11:49] Because there's a mountain in that, right?

[11:52] I feel like they run around

[11:57] and they're jumping around like old Nazi crap,

[12:00] but I can't remember exactly.

[12:01] I'm going to say

[12:04] this is a Jackie Chan movie.

[12:07] Elliot?

[12:08] Yeah, I'm going to go out on that limb with you.

[12:09] I will also say it's a Jackie Chan movie.

[12:11] Yes, this is a Jackie Chan movie.

[12:13] This is called The Climbers.

[12:15] It came out just last year,

[12:18] 2019, The Climbers.

[12:19] No wonder I wasn't aware of it.

[12:21] Yeah.

[12:22] Okay, so your next movie is this.

[12:25] So that's two points.

[12:26] One question, two points.

[12:27] Oh, okay.

[12:28] A hot-headed young butcher

[12:32] who is also a Kung Fu disciple

[12:35] gets embroiled in a feud

[12:37] with a rival, Shaolin Temple.

[12:39] I mean, that feels like

[12:44] a pretty straightforward premise, Elliot.

[12:46] It does.

[12:47] I mean, that could describe a lot of movies.

[12:49] Yeah, The Godfather,

[12:51] Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

[12:53] They're all pretty much that Tootsie.

[12:57] Suspiria.

[12:59] Suspiria.

[13:00] Suspiria meets Tootsie.

[13:01] And then there was Suspiria meets Tootsie

[13:04] versus Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

[13:05] But the whole thing was just,

[13:08] it just felt like it was a sequel to Tootsie

[13:10] that they just shoehorned the other crap in.

[13:12] To be fair,

[13:13] he is mostly just bringing back

[13:15] the Dorothy character in Tootsie

[13:16] and at the very end,

[13:18] he joins that German dancing school

[13:19] for like two scenes.

[13:20] Yeah, yeah.

[13:21] And then Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm

[13:23] just shows up at the end

[13:24] as the deus ex Rebecca-ka.

[13:26] Yeah, and you're just hoping

[13:29] that the audience is going to show up

[13:30] just for that

[13:31] and pay for the whole movie ticket

[13:32] like meet Joe Black or some shit.

[13:34] Do you think there's like

[13:36] four or five people named Rebecca

[13:39] in that neighborhood

[13:41] in that general area?

[13:43] Is that Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm

[13:46] or is that Rebecca with the weird mole

[13:48] or is that Rebecca

[13:49] who makes the really good lemon?

[13:51] Good lemon bars?

[13:51] Like which Rebecca?

[13:52] Or the second Mrs. De Winter?

[13:56] Yeah, could be.

[13:57] Actually, the first Mrs. De Winter was Rebecca.

[13:59] We never learned the name

[14:00] of the second Mrs. De Winter.

[14:00] So I think, Stuart,

[14:03] let's just say it's a Jackie Chan movie.

[14:04] It's a butcher.

[14:05] Yeah, I mean, it's gotta be.

[14:06] I mean, it's a little similar to what?

[14:08] Meals on Wheels?

[14:08] But, you know, maybe it's,

[14:10] but that's not it.

[14:11] Wheels on Meals.

[14:12] Wheels on Meals.

[14:12] It's also, yeah,

[14:13] is it too close to God of Cookery?

[14:15] Who knows?

[14:16] I'm afraid this is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[14:19] This is the magnificent

[14:20] Butcher from 1979

[14:23] starring Sammo Hung.

[14:25] A contemporary,

[14:26] but not Jackie Chan himself.

[14:28] Yeah, that's true.

[14:28] Another graduate

[14:30] of the same circus school, I think.

[14:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[14:33] Okay, so this next movie,

[14:35] the synopsis goes as follows.

[14:38] A company that wishes to people,

[14:41] I don't know what that means,

[14:43] a company that wishes to people

[14:45] looking for...

[14:46] Now, you said this was edited for clarity.

[14:48] Yeah, but not well.

[14:50] A company that wishes to people

[14:54] looking for a day away

[14:55] from their ordinary lives.

[14:58] I think Grant's wishes

[14:59] to people looking for a day away

[15:01] from their ordinary lives.

[15:02] I think Grant's is the missing...

[15:04] Okay.

[15:04] I mean, so far,

[15:05] this could be the lobster,

[15:06] but continue.

[15:06] Yeah, no, that's it.

[15:08] That's it.

[15:08] I didn't say they were all good synopses.

[15:11] I'm just saying that they're ones that I found.

[15:13] Oh, so that's the whole synopsis?

[15:17] That's the whole thing.

[15:18] That's the...

[15:18] Wait, read it again?

[15:19] Because that's not a synopsis.

[15:19] It's not a synopsis.

[15:20] Grant's wishes to people

[15:22] looking for a...

[15:24] I think, you know what?

[15:25] I think that something got cut here

[15:27] accidentally,

[15:29] so I'm not going to even...

[15:31] Well, tell us.

[15:32] Tell us the answer.

[15:33] I'm not even going to...

[15:33] It was Jackie Chan,

[15:35] personal tailor, 2013,

[15:37] but I think something got lost

[15:39] in the cutting and pasting of things.

[15:42] That's too bad.

[15:42] Next time.

[15:43] Yeah, yeah.

[15:44] Save that for Jackie...

[15:46] It was just a Jackie Chan movie part two.

[15:48] Yeah.

[15:49] So...

[15:50] Okay.

[15:50] The next one.

[15:52] Stuart, how cool is it going to be

[15:54] when he has Jackie Chan come out

[15:55] to read the last one?

[15:56] It's...

[15:58] I'm going to lose my mind, Elliot.

[16:00] What a huge, great surprise

[16:01] that's going to be for the listeners, too.

[16:03] That's so cool.

[16:04] I'm going to wake my wife...

[16:06] I'm so excited.

[16:09] I'm just fucking up my words.

[16:10] I'm going to wake my wife up off the couch

[16:13] and be like,

[16:14] you need to come in here.

[16:15] Jackie Chan is here.

[16:16] And she's going to be like,

[16:17] what the fuck are you talking about?

[16:18] I'm like,

[16:19] I know you're not dreaming

[16:21] and I start pinching her

[16:22] and she's like,

[16:22] stop doing that.

[16:23] I told you to stop doing that.

[16:24] And I'm like,

[16:26] I know,

[16:26] but this is a special occasion.

[16:27] Jackie Chan's here

[16:29] and so I'll bring her in.

[16:30] And by that point,

[16:31] Jackie Chan will have left.

[16:32] He's going to have gone off Cameron

[16:34] and she'll think I'm making it up.

[16:35] Yeah.

[16:36] And then we're going to get in a big fight.

[16:37] Yeah.

[16:37] And she'll be so mad.

[16:38] Now,

[16:39] and imagine what a disappointment it'll be

[16:40] when it turns out it's actually Chaka Khan.

[16:42] Still great, cool,

[16:43] but not Jackie Chan.

[16:44] I mean,

[16:45] that would be very impressive.

[16:46] Still a great get for Dan,

[16:48] but it would be weird.

[16:49] It would be weird to have Chaka Khan when-

[16:51] Unrelated,

[16:51] but yeah,

[16:52] I mean,

[16:52] it's still exciting.

[16:53] But we know it's going to be Jackie Chan.

[16:54] So again,

[16:55] I don't want to ruin it for the listeners,

[16:56] but it's going to be such a great surprise

[16:57] when Jackie Chan comes out at the end.

[16:59] So,

[16:59] okay,

[17:00] Dan,

[17:00] what's the next one?

[17:01] Because Dan knows all sorts of famous people.

[17:05] He works with Trevor Noah.

[17:07] Yeah.

[17:08] He hangs out with,

[17:10] who,

[17:11] with,

[17:12] what's his face?

[17:14] Yeah.

[17:15] Famous guy.

[17:16] David Hyde Pierce.

[17:17] He's always hanging out with David Hyde Pierce.

[17:18] Oh, I am?

[17:19] Oh, wow.

[17:19] And him and David Hyde Pierce

[17:21] and Bobby Cannavale

[17:22] are always hanging out together.

[17:23] And they call themselves,

[17:25] they call themselves the three babesketeers

[17:27] because they're always on the hunt for babes.

[17:30] Not David Hyde Pierce's, is he?

[17:33] Anyway.

[17:34] That's for sure.

[17:35] And occasionally,

[17:36] occasionally they just go over

[17:37] and prank Jim Parsons' house

[17:38] because he's also like the unofficial

[17:40] fourth babesketeer.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:41] Okay.

[17:41] This one is,

[17:44] the synopsis is as follows.

[17:47] A humble bit,

[17:48] a humble businessman

[17:49] with a buried past

[17:51] seeks justice

[17:53] when his daughter is killed

[17:55] in an act of terrorism.

[17:57] That's a hundred percent

[17:58] a Jackie Chan movie.

[17:59] A cat and mouse conflict ensues

[18:01] with a government official

[18:03] whose past may hold clues

[18:06] to the killer's identities.

[18:08] Is that the one with Pierce Brosnan

[18:09] and Jackie Chan?

[18:10] I think so.

[18:13] Let's say it's a Jackie Chan movie.

[18:14] Okay, yes.

[18:15] That is

[18:16] The Foreigner,

[18:17] 2017.

[18:18] Starring Pierce Brosnan

[18:20] and Jackie Chan.

[18:22] And Jackie Chan.

[18:22] The one where on the poster

[18:24] it looks like Jackie Chan is tiny

[18:25] and Pierce Brosnan is gigantic.

[18:28] It's like that shot

[18:29] in that Fast and Furious movie

[18:31] where it looks like Vin Diesel's

[18:32] bigger than The Rock

[18:33] and you're like,

[18:33] I don't think that's how it works,

[18:35] but okay.

[18:35] Okay, so next movie.

[18:40] Here's the summary.

[18:42] A small town priest

[18:44] struggles with his faith.

[18:46] A small town priest struggles with his faith.

[18:48] A small town priest struggles with his faith.

[18:48] A small town priest

[18:49] struggles with his faith.

[18:51] Now that sounds like

[18:52] Diary of a Country Priest,

[18:53] which is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[18:55] But it could also be Winterlight,

[18:57] which is also not a Jackie Chan movie.

[19:00] Yeah.

[19:01] Was Jackie Chan in that movie

[19:09] with Ethan Hawke?

[19:10] Oh, First Reformed?

[19:13] Yeah, was Jackie Chan in First Reformed?

[19:15] Let me try.

[19:16] I mean, Cedric the Entertainer.

[19:18] Cedric the Entertainer's in it.

[19:18] It has Amanda Seyfried on it.

[19:20] Yeah, it has Amanda Seyfried

[19:21] you're thinking of.

[19:21] It has the...

[19:23] Now, is Jackie Chan...

[19:25] Did Jackie Chan play her husband

[19:26] from the beginning of the movie?

[19:28] I don't...

[19:29] I'm trying to remember.

[19:30] I don't think so.

[19:32] Okay, so what other movies...

[19:33] Is it...

[19:34] It's not weird...

[19:34] Does Jackie Chan play

[19:35] the really skinny polar bear

[19:37] in the YouTube videos

[19:39] that Ethan Hawke watches

[19:40] in the movie?

[19:41] Now, is Jackie Chan

[19:43] the kind of like angel

[19:44] that loses his wings

[19:45] in the Losing My Religion video

[19:47] from R.E.M.?

[19:48] Is that the one?

[19:49] I mean, that's...

[19:50] But that's not a movie, Ellie.

[19:51] That's a music video.

[19:53] It's a movie-level music video.

[19:54] I guess it's a credit.

[19:55] It's a credit.

[19:56] You're right.

[19:56] Let's see.

[19:58] Other movies about priests

[19:59] struggling with their faith.

[20:02] Are there any?

[20:04] I think that might be

[20:05] all three of them.

[20:06] That's all of them.

[20:07] Oh, wait, wait.

[20:08] Hold on.

[20:09] Except for Nuns on the Run.

[20:10] They're not priests.

[20:11] They're technically not struggling

[20:12] with their faith so much as

[20:14] like they're pretending

[20:14] to be nuns.

[20:15] Hiding out.

[20:16] Yeah.

[20:16] Well, what about Sister Act?

[20:18] No, that's, again,

[20:18] another one about a person

[20:19] who's hiding out as a nun.

[20:21] Okay.

[20:21] What about We're Not Nuns?

[20:23] A hideout story.

[20:24] We're No Angels.

[20:26] They're also hiding out

[20:28] as priests.

[20:30] What about Oh God, You Devil?

[20:33] Well, that's more about

[20:35] how this guy makes a deal

[20:38] with the devil to write songs.

[20:40] What about 18 again?

[20:43] George Burns is both of them.

[20:44] What about Doubt?

[20:45] Is this Doubt starring Jackie Chan?

[20:48] So what's your answer here?

[20:49] Is this a Jackie Chan movie?

[20:51] Wait, one more spotlight.

[20:53] Is it spotlight?

[20:54] No, I'm going to say,

[20:56] Stuart, what do you think?

[20:57] I think it's not a Jackie Chan movie.

[20:58] What do you think?

[20:59] I don't think it is.

[20:59] No, this is Winter Light

[21:02] from 1963.

[21:03] Oh, so I guessed the right one.

[21:05] I guessed the right one.

[21:06] Yep.

[21:07] One of your guesses was correct.

[21:08] Okay.

[21:09] Here's one that could be Jackie Chan.

[21:13] Do you know?

[21:14] An unconventional cop

[21:16] who doesn't take any bull.

[21:18] Reporters wonder,

[21:18] wonder about the last word

[21:19] of a newspaper tycoon.

[21:20] An unconventional cop

[21:23] who doesn't take any bull

[21:25] is paired up

[21:26] with an amazing detective

[21:27] to capture some powerful criminals.

[21:29] But the cop soon realizes

[21:31] that his by-the-book partner

[21:33] has split personality disorder.

[21:36] Is that a Jackie Chan movie or no?

[21:42] He's played cops.

[21:45] He's played cops before.

[21:47] He's played,

[21:48] he's played a super cop.

[21:48] He's played a rush hour cop.

[21:50] He's played a police story cop.

[21:53] He's been a Shanghai Knight.

[21:54] Yeah, two police story cops.

[21:56] I don't think he was teamed up

[21:57] with anyone with multiple personality disorder.

[21:59] And I don't think he had

[22:00] multiple personality disorder.

[22:01] No, that sounds closer to the plot

[22:03] of the hit movie,

[22:04] Second Sight,

[22:06] starring Bronson Pinchot

[22:08] and John Larroquette.

[22:08] There he has psychic powers,

[22:10] I guess.

[22:12] He's magic in that one.

[22:15] this is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[22:17] You know what?

[22:18] Just to play devil's advocate,

[22:19] which is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[22:21] It stars Keanu Reeves,

[22:22] now Pacino,

[22:23] and Charlie's there.

[22:24] Are you 100% sure

[22:25] that he's not in that movie?

[22:26] Let me double check.

[22:27] He might be the woman

[22:29] that it turns out

[22:29] is Keanu Reeves' sister

[22:31] that the devil wants them

[22:32] to have sex.

[22:33] It's possible.

[22:34] As I've mentioned before

[22:35] on the podcast,

[22:36] that was probably

[22:37] the most awkward movie

[22:38] I remember watching

[22:39] with my parents.

[22:40] I'm going to go out on a limb

[22:43] and say,

[22:43] and disagree with Stuart

[22:44] just to cover our faces,

[22:45] that this is a Jackie Chan movie.

[22:47] That it wasn't awkward.

[22:48] It wasn't awkward

[22:48] to watch it with my parents.

[22:49] I'm going to say that

[22:50] you and your parents

[22:51] had a great time

[22:52] watching Devil's Advocate

[22:53] and it was in no way

[22:55] weird at all.

[22:56] Yeah.

[22:57] No, that's true.

[22:57] We have a pretty open family.

[22:59] So this movie

[23:01] about an unconventional cop

[23:03] paired with a by-the-books cop

[23:05] who has split personality disorder

[23:07] is Loose Cannons from 1990

[23:10] starring Gene Hackman

[23:12] and Dan Aykroyd

[23:13] and no Jackie Chan.

[23:15] The terrible movie

[23:17] Loose Cannons

[23:18] That reminds me,

[23:20] I saw that,

[23:21] I think Swing Shift

[23:22] or whatever it is,

[23:23] the Pat Morita,

[23:24] Jay Leno movie.

[23:26] No, that's Collision Course.

[23:28] Swing Shift is

[23:29] Goldie Hawn

[23:31] and Kurt Russell.

[23:32] That's right.

[23:32] Jonathan Timmy movie.

[23:33] Collision Course is on a,

[23:35] I forgot what streaming platform

[23:36] right now

[23:37] and I was like,

[23:37] I think I might have to

[23:38] watch this movie.

[23:40] Yeah, it was like

[23:42] the other day.

[23:42] Hell, those two work together.

[23:43] It was like the other day

[23:45] when I'm like,

[23:46] oh man,

[23:46] I got a couple hours to kill.

[23:47] What am I going to watch?

[23:48] And I pulled up HBO Max

[23:49] and Critters 2

[23:51] was the first thing to pop up

[23:52] and I don't,

[23:52] like, I think I broke

[23:53] my PlayStation controller

[23:55] hitting play.

[23:55] Okay, so moving on.

[24:00] This is another

[24:01] fairly generic

[24:02] synopsis.

[24:03] So was that a comedy,

[24:05] Loose Cannons,

[24:05] or was it not?

[24:06] Loose Cannons, well,

[24:07] well, depends on whether

[24:11] you're talking about

[24:11] the filmmaker's intent

[24:13] or the audience's reaction.

[24:15] Yeah, that's a very

[24:16] We talk about that a lot

[24:17] here on the podcast.

[24:18] Yeah, no, they tried

[24:19] to make it a comedy.

[24:20] It is a bad movie

[24:23] that both makes light

[24:25] of a mental disorder

[24:26] and is not funny.

[24:27] Yeah, if they're going

[24:29] to be offensive about somebody,

[24:31] at least be funny, right, Dan?

[24:32] Yeah.

[24:34] Stuart, I'm entrapping Dan.

[24:35] Yeah, let's entrap him.

[24:38] Let's make him slide

[24:39] his butt down

[24:39] under some lasers.

[24:40] Yeah, yeah, that's what

[24:41] entrapment means.

[24:42] If you look in the dictionary,

[24:43] it says, one, to entrap someone.

[24:45] Two, to show your butt

[24:47] sliding under lasers.

[24:48] Was it that, like,

[24:49] the line from the trailer

[24:52] or something like that?

[24:52] It was like,

[24:52] that's not blackmail,

[24:53] that's entrapment.

[24:54] No, no, he goes,

[24:56] entrapment,

[24:56] that's a police word.

[24:58] You mean blackmail

[24:59] or something like that.

[25:00] That's how he knows

[25:01] that she's actually

[25:02] an undercover cop

[25:03] pretending to be a criminal,

[25:04] is she says entrapment

[25:05] and not blackmail.

[25:06] But really,

[25:07] he's still just thinking

[25:08] about her butt in his pants.

[25:09] Or, wait,

[25:11] was that the trailer

[25:12] where he goes,

[25:12] me?

[25:13] I'm the medicine man.

[25:14] No, no, it was the one

[25:16] where he said,

[25:16] you're finding Forrester

[25:18] now, dog.

[25:18] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[25:20] So, okay.

[25:23] Looks like we've got

[25:25] a real hunt for Red October

[25:26] on our hands.

[25:27] These gentlemen

[25:28] are extraordinary.

[25:30] Join my bowling league.

[25:33] That's what that's about, right?

[25:34] It might as well be.

[25:36] It's a terrible movie.

[25:37] So, okay,

[25:38] this is a very generic synopsis.

[25:40] Well, well, well,

[25:41] you old zardoz, you.

[25:42] Uh-huh, yeah.

[25:44] But, like I said,

[25:46] these are used,

[25:47] user-contributed,

[25:49] so not all of them

[25:50] are going to be great.

[25:50] This one says...

[25:52] This isn't a last night.

[25:53] It's a first night.

[25:54] Here's a synopsis for you.

[25:58] A man looking for the release

[25:59] of a longtime prisoner

[26:01] takes a police officer,

[26:03] his daughter,

[26:03] and a group of strangers hostage.

[26:06] A man looking for the release

[26:08] of a longtime prisoner

[26:09] takes a police officer,

[26:10] his daughter,

[26:11] and a group of strangers hostage.

[26:14] I mean, if it wasn't

[26:15] a police officer,

[26:16] that's the plot of Air Force One.

[26:19] Yeah.

[26:19] Let's see.

[26:20] Which Jackie Chan is not in.

[26:23] And if it was,

[26:25] instead of a police officer

[26:26] and his daughter,

[26:27] it was a boarding school

[26:28] full of kids,

[26:29] that would be toy soldiers.

[26:31] Or masterminds.

[26:31] Or masterminds,

[26:33] starring Patrick Stewart

[26:36] and Vincent,

[26:37] what's his name?

[26:39] Gallo?

[26:39] Carthizer.

[26:39] Yep, Vincent Gallo.

[26:42] Let's see.

[26:45] And if it was Patrick Stewart

[26:46] as, like, an evil,

[26:47] it would be conspiracy theory

[26:50] with Mel Gibson.

[26:51] Yes.

[26:52] And if it was John Lithgow

[26:55] as a guy with multiple personalities,

[26:56] it would be Raising Cane.

[26:59] And also kind of Buckaroo Banzai.

[27:00] And if it wasn't a movie,

[27:03] but a chain of,

[27:05] a fast food chain

[27:06] where you can buy chicken fingers,

[27:07] it would also be called Raising Cane.

[27:09] If it was a chain

[27:10] where you didn't get chicken fingers,

[27:11] but instead chicken stars,

[27:13] that would be Carl's Jr.

[27:14] Wait, you get chicken stars?

[27:16] So when you go to Carl's Jr.,

[27:17] you don't get a hamburger?

[27:20] I mean, you can,

[27:22] but it's not really the thing

[27:23] that would have segued

[27:24] from what you were talking about.

[27:26] So you base your Carl's Jr. order

[27:31] on a comedy bit?

[27:32] I mean, I base it on

[27:34] what my kids like to eat,

[27:35] which is chicken stars.

[27:37] Your kids like to eat chicken stars?

[27:41] Yes.

[27:42] Okay.

[27:43] Story checks out.

[27:46] So what was it?

[27:47] You guys in jail in a-

[27:48] George is like grilling you

[27:50] like he's the Senate.

[27:52] He's grilling me

[27:53] like I'm a Carl's Jr. hamburger over here.

[27:55] Yeah, I'm Katie Porter over here

[27:57] with a fucking whiteboard.

[27:58] Yeah.

[27:59] Now I got to hold up my notes

[28:00] to show that I don't have any notes.

[28:02] Oh, there's a topical joke

[28:03] from today's news.

[28:05] Okay.

[28:06] So he's a,

[28:08] I'm going to say it is,

[28:11] the last one was not a Jackie Chan movie.

[28:14] Would Dan give us two no's and a rose?

[28:16] Possible.

[28:17] But I think this is actually

[28:19] Okay.

[28:20] I'll go with Stuart on this one.

[28:21] I trust his instincts.

[28:21] Jackie Chan.

[28:22] You guys are both correct.

[28:25] This is Jackie Chan.

[28:26] This is Police Story Lockdown

[28:28] released in 2013.

[28:31] I haven't seen that one.

[28:33] No, me either.

[28:34] I only know the classic police stories.

[28:36] Yeah.

[28:36] It's a much later sequel.

[28:38] And of course,

[28:39] I got the-

[28:40] Jackie Chan's LA police story

[28:41] featuring Steve Martin.

[28:42] Here's one for you.

[28:46] A daughter,

[28:47] tries to remedy

[28:48] her dysfunctional relationship

[28:49] with her ailing father,

[28:51] a decorated baseball scout,

[28:53] by helping him

[28:54] in a recruiting trip,

[28:55] which could be his last.

[28:56] No, no.

[28:56] That's trouble with the curve, Dan.

[28:58] That's trouble with the curve

[28:59] with Clint Eastwood.

[29:00] Yeah, Justin Timberlake

[29:02] and what,

[29:02] Rachel,

[29:03] like Amy Adams?

[29:04] That is trouble with the curve.

[29:07] Don't give us that shit, Dan.

[29:08] Give us some real stuff.

[29:10] Yeah, yeah.

[29:16] Next one,

[29:17] it'll be like a couple of dudes,

[29:18] one of whom is Billy Bob Thornton,

[29:20] play golf and shit.

[29:21] It's tin cup.

[29:24] I get it, dude.

[29:25] Yeah, it's tin cup.

[29:25] Come on.

[29:26] All right.

[29:28] Okay, here.

[29:29] There's no crying in this movie

[29:31] about a woman's baseball team

[29:33] during World War II.

[29:34] Is Jackie Chan in it?

[29:36] All right, well, here we go.

[29:39] It's weird that that's in the synopsis.

[29:41] Next, next, next movie.

[29:46] Next movie.

[29:46] An old soldier

[29:48] kidnaps a young general

[29:50] of an enemy state

[29:51] and takes him on a long journey

[29:53] to collect the reward.

[29:55] An old soldier

[29:57] kidnaps a young general

[29:59] of an enemy state

[30:00] and takes him on a long journey

[30:01] to collect the reward.

[30:05] this is a Jackie Chan movie.

[30:06] I am also,

[30:07] there's a lot of possibilities

[30:09] for action and comedy.

[30:10] Yeah.

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:12] You're correct.

[30:13] This is a Jackie Chan movie

[30:14] called Little Big Soldier.

[30:16] From 2010.

[30:18] Wow, you're pulling out

[30:20] a fucking lot of new shit, dude.

[30:22] Yeah, well, I mean,

[30:23] the thing is like the older stuff

[30:25] all seems pretty obviously

[30:27] Jackie Chan.

[30:27] A drunken master

[30:29] finds that he has to.

[30:31] Video games.

[30:36] You like them?

[30:37] Maybe you wish you had

[30:38] more time for them.

[30:39] Maybe you want to know

[30:39] the best ones to play.

[30:40] Maybe you want to know

[30:41] what happens to Mario

[30:42] when he dies.

[30:43] In that case,

[30:44] you should check out TripleClick.

[30:45] It's a podcast.

[30:46] A podcast about video games.

[30:48] A podcast about video games?

[30:49] But I don't have time for that.

[30:51] Sure you do.

[30:52] Once a week,

[30:52] kick back as three video game experts

[30:54] give you everything

[30:55] from critical takes

[30:56] on the hottest new releases

[30:57] to scoops, interviews,

[30:58] and explanations

[30:59] about how video games work

[31:00] to fascinating

[31:01] and sometimes weird stories

[31:03] about the games we love.

[31:04] TripleClick is hosted by me,

[31:06] Kirk Hamilton.

[31:06] Me, Jason Schreier.

[31:08] And me, Maddie Myers.

[31:09] You can find TripleClick

[31:10] wherever you get your podcasts

[31:11] and listen at MaximumFun.org.

[31:14] Bye.

[31:16] Hi, I'm James,

[31:17] host of Minority Corner,

[31:18] which is a

[31:19] podcast that's all about

[31:21] intersectionality.

[31:21] It's hosted by James

[31:22] with a guest host every week.

[31:24] Discussing all sorts

[31:25] of wonderful issues,

[31:26] nerdy and political.

[31:27] Pop culture.

[31:28] Black, queer, feminism.

[31:31] Race, sexuality.

[31:32] News.

[31:33] You're going to learn

[31:34] your history,

[31:34] their self-empowerment,

[31:36] and it's told by

[31:36] what feels like

[31:37] your best friend.

[31:38] Why should someone

[31:39] listen to Minority Corner?

[31:40] Why not?

[31:41] Oh my God, free stuff.

[31:42] There's not free stuff.

[31:43] The listeners of Minority Corner

[31:44] will enjoy some

[31:45] necessary LOL

[31:46] but mainly a look at

[31:47] what's happening

[31:48] in our world

[31:49] through a colorful lens.

[31:50] People will get

[31:51] the perspective

[31:52] of marginalized communities.

[31:54] I feel heard.

[31:55] I feel seen.

[31:55] Like you said,

[31:56] you need to understand

[31:57] how to be more proactive

[31:58] in your community

[31:58] and this is a great way

[31:59] to get started.

[32:00] Join us every Friday

[32:01] on Maximum Fun

[32:01] or wherever you get

[32:02] your podcasts.

[32:03] Minority Corner.

[32:04] Because together

[32:05] we're the majority.

[32:06] This seems like

[32:09] an opportune time

[32:10] to talk about Stitch Fix.

[32:12] Wouldn't it be great

[32:13] if every clothing store

[32:15] you shopped at

[32:16] had only your size

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[32:21] you want?

[32:22] Stitch Fix

[32:23] is a personal

[32:24] styling company

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[32:25] the clothes you love

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[32:34] and they'll deliver

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[32:41] You pay

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[32:57] Elliot,

[32:58] did you use Stitch Fix?

[32:59] Are you

[33:00] the one amongst us

[33:02] who are

[33:03] familiar with

[33:04] Stitch Fix?

[33:04] My wife used

[33:05] Stitch Fix

[33:06] for quite a long time

[33:07] and has been

[33:08] wanting to

[33:09] re-sign up.

[33:10] When we

[33:10] were moving

[33:12] she stopped

[33:13] and paused hers

[33:14] for a little bit

[33:15] because she didn't

[33:16] want to miss any

[33:17] and she has to

[33:18] restart it again.

[33:18] But yeah,

[33:19] she was very happy

[33:20] with a lot of the clothes

[33:20] she got from Stitch Fix

[33:21] and wears them

[33:22] to this very day.

[33:24] I could kind of

[33:25] use a personal shopper.

[33:26] I feel like my

[33:27] clothing is basically

[33:28] like,

[33:29] I don't know,

[33:30] like a 14-year-old boy

[33:31] who doesn't have

[33:32] parents around.

[33:34] Basically,

[33:34] I dress like

[33:35] the older brother

[33:36] and don't tell mom

[33:37] the babysitter's dead.

[33:38] You're the stylish

[33:39] one of all of us.

[33:40] I mean,

[33:40] like part of it

[33:41] is because you're

[33:41] the handsome one

[33:42] so you can pull off

[33:43] any clothes

[33:43] you choose to wear.

[33:45] And you've got

[33:47] a lot of personal style.

[33:48] I have personal style too

[33:50] but it's, you know,

[33:51] adjunct English professor.

[33:53] Yeah, it's Wonder Boys.

[33:55] Yeah.

[33:55] But hey,

[33:56] if you're interested...

[33:58] And my dressing style

[33:59] is usually

[34:00] what can I put on

[34:00] in the four minutes

[34:01] I have before a child

[34:02] bursts into the room

[34:04] and starts laughing

[34:05] at my penis.

[34:05] Yeah.

[34:07] You've got to cover.

[34:09] It's like armor.

[34:11] The greatest fear.

[34:13] Call to action.

[34:15] Get started today

[34:16] at stitchfix.com.

[34:19] Sorry.

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[34:21] Sticksfix.

[34:22] Sticksfix.

[34:23] Your way to get across

[34:24] the river sticks.

[34:25] Pixiesticks.com.

[34:28] at stitchfix.com

[34:31] slash flophouse

[34:33] and you'll get

[34:34] 25% off

[34:36] when you keep

[34:36] everything

[34:37] in your fix.

[34:38] That's

[34:43] for 25% off

[34:44] when you keep

[34:45] everything in your fix.

[34:51] they made me

[34:53] say it thrice

[34:54] and it nearly

[34:56] killed me.

[34:56] Yeah, I mean

[34:57] I was just amazed

[34:58] that you could get it out

[34:58] that many times

[34:59] with a...

[35:00] I started seeing

[35:01] your head overheat

[35:03] a little bit

[35:03] while you were doing it

[35:04] and Steam started

[35:04] shooting out your ears

[35:05] like when I'm trying to

[35:07] when I'm running

[35:07] too many programs

[35:08] on my laptop.

[35:09] Let's return to the game.

[35:11] Wait, Steam

[35:12] shoots out of your ears

[35:13] Stuart

[35:13] when the laptop's

[35:14] running too many programs?

[35:15] Yeah, that's the thing

[35:16] because I get so mad at it.

[35:17] I'm like,

[35:18] stop it.

[35:19] Slow down.

[35:20] So here's

[35:23] here's a

[35:23] here's a movie

[35:24] for you

[35:25] and you can tell me

[35:25] whether Jackie Chan

[35:27] is in it or not.

[35:28] Sure.

[35:28] A bespectacled

[35:29] milquetoast bookkeeper

[35:31] loves his pet fish

[35:34] so much

[35:34] that he longs

[35:35] to be one.

[35:36] When Henry's wish

[35:37] comes true

[35:38] and he's turned

[35:39] into a talking fish

[35:40] No.

[35:40] the simple ocean life

[35:42] he'd envisioned

[35:43] proves more exciting

[35:44] than ever.

[35:45] than mundane.

[35:45] Dan, is that

[35:46] the incredible Mr. Limpet?

[35:47] That is the incredible

[35:49] Mr. Limpet

[35:50] from 1964.

[35:50] So there's no Jackie Chan

[35:52] on that.

[35:52] There's the American

[35:53] Jackie Chan, Don Knotts

[35:54] who never had the chance

[35:55] to show off

[35:56] his martial arts chops

[35:57] on film.

[35:57] Yep.

[35:58] Alright, well, okay.

[36:00] This one will

[36:00] But if he reads

[36:02] the screenplay

[36:03] I'm sending him

[36:04] maybe he will.

[36:05] Stuart, I have some

[36:06] bad news for you.

[36:07] Go on.

[36:08] Don Knotts

[36:10] is no longer

[36:10] making films

[36:11] for reasons

[36:11] we'll get into

[36:12] off the

[36:13] off the

[36:13] phone.

[36:14] They should have

[36:15] made him one

[36:16] where he was

[36:16] a martial arts master

[36:17] and it was like

[36:17] he'll try you up

[36:19] in Knotts.

[36:20] Don Knotts

[36:21] is Mr. Knotts.

[36:23] Stop quoting

[36:25] my screenplay.

[36:26] Okay, so this

[36:30] Because that's

[36:30] the screenplay

[36:31] usually features

[36:32] the tagline

[36:33] from the poster

[36:33] in the screenplay.

[36:34] Yeah, that's right.

[36:35] This next one

[36:36] will surely stump you.

[36:38] Oh, speaking of taglines

[36:39] I had to look this up

[36:40] for work recently.

[36:41] Did you know

[36:41] Dr. Giggles

[36:42] they tried to have it

[36:43] both ways.

[36:43] They used both

[36:44] the doctor is in

[36:45] sane

[36:46] and the doctor is out

[36:48] of his mind

[36:48] as taglines.

[36:49] Make up your mind

[36:50] Dr. Giggles.

[36:51] Are you in

[36:52] or are you out?

[36:53] Yeah, yeah.

[36:54] Do they

[36:55] do they try

[36:56] and get both

[36:57] of those

[36:58] what copywritten?

[36:59] I assume

[37:00] and the copyright

[37:01] office is like

[37:02] oh, I don't think so.

[37:04] Not so fast.

[37:04] Dr. Giggles.

[37:05] Doesn't work.

[37:05] Also, there's a

[37:06] there's a cat in the hat

[37:08] TV show that my

[37:08] children like now

[37:09] and there's a doctor

[37:10] on it called

[37:10] Dr. Giggles

[37:11] and I'm always like

[37:12] no, don't go in there.

[37:13] Yeah, yeah.

[37:14] Watch out.

[37:15] He's out of his mind.

[37:16] Yeah.

[37:16] And he's insane.

[37:18] So

[37:19] in this movie

[37:21] four relentless

[37:23] door-to-door

[37:24] salesmen

[37:24] deal with

[37:25] constant rejection

[37:26] homesicknesses

[37:28] homesickness

[37:29] and inevitable

[37:30] burnout

[37:31] as they go

[37:31] across the country

[37:32] selling very

[37:34] expensive Bibles

[37:35] to low-income

[37:36] Catholic families.

[37:37] Okay, so this is

[37:38] Salesman

[37:39] the documentary

[37:40] the Maisels Brothers

[37:42] documentary

[37:43] and I

[37:43] unless

[37:44] 69

[37:45] as much as I would

[37:46] love it

[37:47] if a young Jackie Chan

[37:48] showed up in the background

[37:49] at the

[37:50] at one of the conventions

[37:51] where the salesman

[37:52] meet there's

[37:53] nary a Jackie Chan

[37:54] to be found

[37:55] in Salesman

[37:56] the Maisels Brothers

[37:57] harrowing documentary.

[37:59] Okay.

[38:01] All right.

[38:02] All right.

[38:03] We're doing pretty good.

[38:03] Yeah, we're doing pretty good.

[38:05] Excellent.

[38:06] Former CIA

[38:08] spy Bob

[38:10] Ho

[38:10] takes on his

[38:11] toughest assignment

[38:12] to date

[38:13] looking after

[38:14] his girlfriend's

[38:15] three kids

[38:16] who haven't

[38:17] exactly

[38:18] warmed to their

[38:19] mom's bow.

[38:20] When one of the

[38:22] youngsters

[38:22] accidentally downloads

[38:23] a top-secret formula

[38:25] Bob's long-time

[38:27] nemesis

[38:27] a Russian

[38:28] terrorist

[38:29] pays a visit

[38:30] to the family.

[38:31] So that's the

[38:32] Jackie Chan movie.

[38:33] It's what like

[38:34] The Spy Next Door

[38:34] or The Spy Sitter

[38:35] or something like that?

[38:36] Yeah, that is

[38:37] The Spy Next Door

[38:38] from 2010.

[38:40] I remember

[38:41] seeing the subway ads

[38:42] that was during

[38:43] the period

[38:44] where every

[38:44] Was that one

[38:45] where he's like

[38:45] hanging from

[38:46] from like ropes?

[38:47] Yeah, he's hanging

[38:49] from ropes

[38:49] Mission Impossible style

[38:50] and he's got a look

[38:50] on his face like

[38:51] oh boy

[38:52] and the kids are

[38:53] looking at him like

[38:53] what's this doofus doing?

[38:55] And then

[38:55] it's kind of crazy

[38:56] how influential

[38:58] that one scene

[38:59] from De Palma's

[39:01] Mission Impossible

[39:03] was, right?

[39:03] Yeah.

[39:04] Yeah.

[39:04] Really is true.

[39:06] Especially considering

[39:07] that like

[39:08] I like

[39:11] it is definitely

[39:11] not the best

[39:12] Mission Impossible movie.

[39:13] It is not the best

[39:14] De Palma movie

[39:14] but somehow

[39:15] like the two of them

[39:16] crossing together.

[39:17] It is the best

[39:18] Brian De Palma

[39:19] Mission Impossible movie though.

[39:20] You gotta say that.

[39:21] You gotta admit that.

[39:22] That is true.

[39:23] Brian De Palma's

[39:24] Mission Impossible 2

[39:25] directed by John Woo

[39:27] was a little bit worse.

[39:29] I didn't say

[39:30] it was the worst.

[39:31] I'm just

[39:32] But I mean

[39:33] I feel like

[39:34] despite the

[39:35] higher level quality

[39:37] in all the

[39:37] in the

[39:38] in some of the other

[39:39] Mission Impossible movies

[39:40] I don't think

[39:41] any of them

[39:42] have like one

[39:43] scene that was that

[39:45] iconic.

[39:46] Like that big of a deal.

[39:47] No, that's true.

[39:47] The other movies

[39:48] I mean the last three

[39:50] undeniably

[39:50] are far better

[39:52] than the

[39:52] the first movies

[39:53] but yeah

[39:54] they don't have anything

[39:54] that no matter

[39:56] how great the sequences are

[39:57] there's like nothing

[39:57] in them that is

[39:58] quite as immediately

[39:59] iconic as that.

[40:00] Just hit it

[40:01] at the right time.

[40:02] People were ready

[40:02] for a movie

[40:03] where a guy was

[40:03] suspended from something.

[40:04] Yep.

[40:05] Trying to keep

[40:07] his sweat off the floor.

[40:08] Yeah.

[40:09] Remember back

[40:09] in the 90s

[40:11] when everyone was

[40:11] trying to keep

[40:12] their sweat off the floor?

[40:13] That was 90s, right?

[40:14] Or was that

[40:15] early 2000s?

[40:16] It was certainly

[40:16] the pre-Skeet era

[40:17] when sweat just

[40:18] dripped everywhere

[40:19] and no one cared anymore.

[40:20] You know.

[40:21] Okay, so this next movie

[40:23] it's a high-kicking battle

[40:25] on the dark side

[40:26] when an ace vampire slayer

[40:29] and his beautiful sidekicks

[40:30] wage the ultimate

[40:32] martial arts showdown

[40:33] with one of the most

[40:34] dangerous of the undead.

[40:36] Dracula?

[40:40] I mean what's

[40:43] I don't

[40:45] has Jackie Chan

[40:46] done any like

[40:47] vampire movies

[40:48] or monster movies?

[40:49] I'm trying to think

[40:50] and I can't

[40:51] I mean there's been

[40:52] monsters in some

[40:53] of his movies

[40:53] but I don't think

[40:56] this is Jackie

[40:57] I don't think Jackie Chan

[40:58] is in this one.

[40:58] I don't think so either.

[40:59] I'm going to say no.

[41:01] This is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[41:02] Prove me wrong.

[41:04] This actually is

[41:07] This is called

[41:08] The Twins Effect

[41:10] from 2003

[41:13] 2003

[41:14] 2003 is what we usually say.

[41:16] I'm going to run out

[41:18] and go watch that shit.

[41:19] It sounds great.

[41:20] Human beings say it

[41:21] all the time.

[41:22] The Twins Effect?

[41:23] The Twins Effect.

[41:25] It's named after

[41:27] the baseball team.

[41:28] They find that fans

[41:32] of the Minnesota Twins

[41:33] are turning into vampires.

[41:34] Yeah, Wade Boggs

[41:36] is apparently the vampire.

[41:37] Count Wade, you laugh.

[41:39] Yeah, sure.

[41:40] Okay.

[41:43] Moving into the endgame here.

[41:44] We're getting closer

[41:45] and closer.

[41:46] Oh, Avengers Endgame?

[41:47] No, Jackie Chan is not in that.

[41:48] Yeah.

[41:49] So this

[41:50] we've got

[41:51] one, two, three,

[41:52] four, five movies left.

[41:54] We'll speed through them.

[41:55] Okay.

[41:56] A former

[41:57] A former vaudevillian

[42:00] befriends a young runaway

[42:02] who is being chased

[42:04] by drug dealers.

[42:05] A former vaudevillian

[42:08] befriends a young runaway

[42:10] who is being chased

[42:11] by drug dealers.

[42:13] Sure, that's a Jackie Chan movie.

[42:16] What do you think, Elliot?

[42:16] I'm going to say no,

[42:18] not a Jackie Chan movie.

[42:19] Okay, who gets the point?

[42:21] It is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[42:24] This is just you and me, kid,

[42:27] from 1979

[42:28] with the classic comedy team

[42:31] of George Burns

[42:33] and Brooke Shields.

[42:34] A very young Brooke Shields

[42:36] is in this movie.

[42:37] I get George Burns

[42:38] and Jackie Chan confused

[42:40] all the time.

[42:41] You mentioned

[42:41] Oh God, You Devil earlier.

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:42] So you're saying

[42:44] Brooke Shields doesn't play

[42:45] the old vaudevillian

[42:46] and George Burns

[42:48] doesn't play the young kid

[42:50] on the run for drug dealers.

[42:51] What made me think was

[42:53] I was like,

[42:53] Jackie Chan wouldn't have been

[42:54] in like vaudeville.

[42:55] They didn't, you know,

[42:57] he came from, you know,

[42:57] the Chinese acrobatics

[42:59] and opera scene.

[43:00] But, you know,

[43:01] I just assumed

[43:02] it was a mistake

[43:03] on the part of the person

[43:05] writing the description.

[43:06] You know what?

[43:06] I didn't even factor that in.

[43:07] You're right.

[43:07] I'd like to change my answer, Dan,

[43:09] and say it is a Jackie Chan movie.

[43:10] Well,

[43:11] does that change the result?

[43:12] Now you're both wrong.

[43:14] Is it like

[43:14] the prisoner's dilemma

[43:15] and now you have to

[43:16] let us both go?

[43:17] No, you can't change it.

[43:18] Yeah, I think that's

[43:18] the only right option.

[43:19] So, moving on.

[43:20] Is it like

[43:22] the Spanish Prisoner

[43:23] where you're like,

[43:23] that's a cool movie

[43:24] and then you think about it

[43:25] and you're like,

[43:25] what was that movie about?

[43:26] Yeah.

[43:27] Is it like Prisoners

[43:28] where you're like,

[43:29] I think this is a good movie.

[43:32] It's really rainy.

[43:34] It is very rainy.

[43:36] More rain means better movie.

[43:37] An ancient American Indian

[43:40] burial ground

[43:41] is threatened

[43:42] by an evil

[43:43] real estate developer

[43:45] when the owner of the land

[43:46] who runs a local

[43:48] off-road Jeep tour company

[43:50] has trouble with his business.

[43:52] His beautiful niece

[43:54] and her crew

[43:55] of beautiful friends

[43:56] take over the Jeep tours

[43:58] and attract business

[43:59] and save the day

[44:00] the old-fashioned way

[44:01] by taking off their tops

[44:03] during the tours

[44:04] they're leading.

[44:05] So, I think Dan

[44:06] wrote this summary.

[44:07] Elliot?

[44:09] Yes?

[44:10] Elliot,

[44:11] I'm really nervous

[44:12] that if we say

[44:13] Jackie Chan isn't in this,

[44:14] Dan's going to blow

[44:15] our fucking minds

[44:16] and that it turns out

[44:17] he was actually

[44:18] in The Great Bikini

[44:19] Off-Road Adventure.

[44:20] No, there's only

[44:21] one Asian character

[44:22] Off-Road Adventure.

[44:23] It is the tourist photographer

[44:25] who's obsessed with

[44:25] that one girl's boobs.

[44:26] Jackie Chan is not

[44:30] Off-Road Adventure,

[44:30] right, Dan?

[44:31] No, you're correct.

[44:33] That is

[44:34] The Great Bikini

[44:34] Off-Road Adventure

[44:36] from 1994,

[44:37] but Jackie Chan

[44:38] is not in it.

[44:39] It's a bit much

[44:40] to say her crew of friends.

[44:41] There's only like

[44:42] three people, right?

[44:43] So one woman

[44:45] and two friends.

[44:45] When people ask me

[44:47] about the podcast,

[44:48] I'm like,

[44:48] yeah, me and the crew

[44:49] are doing it

[44:50] every two weeks.

[44:50] That's fair.

[44:52] Okay.

[44:53] Just three more.

[44:55] When a rookie filmmaker

[44:57] with the unfortunate name

[44:59] Alan Smithy

[45:00] realizes he's

[45:02] an unwitting studio puppet

[45:04] being forced to make

[45:05] big-budget action movie

[45:07] he knows is horrible,

[45:08] he steals the master reels

[45:10] and tries to make a deal.

[45:12] He steals the master reels

[45:12] Okay, so that's

[45:13] Burn Hollywood Burn

[45:14] starring Eric Idle,

[45:15] but is Jackie Chan in it?

[45:17] Right, Dan?

[45:18] That's the movie?

[45:19] Mm-hmm.

[45:20] But it's not a movie

[45:22] I've seen.

[45:22] Different than

[45:24] The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure,

[45:25] which apparently

[45:25] I've seen too many times.

[45:27] But I'm going to say

[45:31] there are celebrity cameos

[45:33] in that movie, I think, right?

[45:34] I don't think he's in it.

[45:38] Okay, I'm going to say

[45:38] no, he's not in it.

[45:39] Unfortunately, Jackie Chan

[45:42] is in

[45:42] Alan Smithy's film

[45:45] Burn Hollywood Burn.

[45:46] He's probably playing himself, right?

[45:49] Yes, he's playing Jackie Chan.

[45:52] Okay.

[45:53] That was the loophole.

[45:54] He got us with a Chan hole.

[45:55] Getting down to the wire.

[45:58] The original characters,

[45:59] here's one for you.

[46:00] Down to the wire.

[46:00] Wait, is this a timed match?

[46:01] I don't understand.

[46:03] This is, all right,

[46:04] here's a synopsis.

[46:06] The original characters

[46:07] from the cannonball run race

[46:10] across the country

[46:11] once more

[46:11] in various cars and trucks.

[46:14] That's the synopsis.

[46:16] In various cars.

[46:18] They're not all in one car.

[46:19] The original characters

[46:20] from the cannonball run

[46:22] race across the country

[46:24] once more

[46:25] in various cars and trucks.

[46:27] Now, that's clearly

[46:28] Schindler's List,

[46:29] which I don't believe

[46:30] Jackie Chan is in.

[46:31] No.

[46:33] That's Cannonball Run 2,

[46:35] I'm guessing.

[46:36] Which is Jackie Chan, right?

[46:40] Jackie Chan is in.

[46:41] And Cannonball Run 2.

[46:43] All right.

[46:45] Final question for the evening.

[46:46] Oh, when you said

[46:47] down to the wire,

[46:48] I thought that was

[46:49] the final question.

[46:49] No, no, no.

[46:50] There's just one more.

[46:51] Stuart, this is going to be

[46:52] the part where Jackie Chan

[46:53] comes out.

[46:54] It's going to be amazing.

[46:55] Yeah, yeah.

[46:56] Like the Jackie Chan,

[46:57] one of the legends

[46:58] of not just action films,

[47:00] but also comedy films,

[47:02] one of the true physical poets

[47:04] of the screen.

[47:05] I mean, one of the biggest

[47:06] movie stars of all time.

[47:07] One of the biggest movie stars

[47:08] of all time,

[47:09] richly deserving

[47:10] of the Lifetime Achievement Award.

[47:11] Oscar that he got

[47:12] a few years ago.

[47:13] You can draw a direct line

[47:14] from Buster Keaton

[47:15] through Fred Astaire

[47:16] straight to Jackie Chan

[47:18] in terms of just being

[47:19] so in control

[47:20] of your own body

[47:21] and also seeing the potential

[47:22] in the objects around you

[47:24] as extensions of that body

[47:26] and things to both play

[47:27] and interact and dance

[47:28] and fight with.

[47:29] So I cannot wait

[47:30] till this guy comes out

[47:31] and just like wows us.

[47:32] probably as complicated politics

[47:34] that I don't really understand

[47:36] because I'm both dumb and drunk.

[47:38] I mean, that's something

[47:40] that we need.

[47:41] I mean, he's not

[47:41] he's not American.

[47:42] You know, he has his own

[47:44] perspective on things

[47:45] and he's had to work

[47:46] within a very specific

[47:47] filmmaking culture

[47:48] and political framework

[47:49] for quite some time.

[47:50] So, Dan,

[47:51] with all that in mind,

[47:53] please surprise us

[47:55] with Jackie Chan.

[47:56] Hey, it's me, Jackie Chan,

[47:59] poet of the screen.

[48:00] So this last movie,

[48:03] John has inherited

[48:05] a castle in Italy

[48:07] and he moves there

[48:08] with his wife, Susan,

[48:09] and their blind daughter, Rebecca.

[48:11] What they don't realize

[48:14] is that there's someone else

[48:15] in the castle,

[48:16] an abused child

[48:18] left to die in the basement

[48:19] who has now become

[48:21] the castle freak

[48:22] and is out to wreak havoc.

[48:25] What movie is this?

[48:27] Now, there's no way of knowing.

[48:29] That's not Operation Condor 2.

[48:31] No.

[48:32] No, that's not.

[48:34] Did, wait, Elliot,

[48:35] I wasn't paying attention.

[48:36] Did they say that the castle

[48:38] was in the Bronx?

[48:39] No, but it did,

[48:40] I don't believe it was

[48:41] in England.

[48:41] So it's probably not

[48:42] Shanghai Nights.

[48:43] No.

[48:44] Now, do they go to Italy

[48:46] and around the world

[48:47] in 80 days?

[48:48] That's a good question.

[48:50] I don't know.

[48:52] Does,

[48:53] is there a Susan?

[48:55] I mean, Jackie Chan

[48:56] isn't often married

[48:57] in movies he's in.

[48:58] It could be Michelle Yeoh.

[49:00] Yeah.

[49:01] I mean, what a pair.

[49:03] They're amazing.

[49:04] Yeah.

[49:04] I don't,

[49:06] I'm kind of stumped, guys.

[49:10] Jackie Chan

[49:11] is,

[49:11] is not in this movie.

[49:13] I'm going to,

[49:14] I'm going to go with Stuart.

[49:15] I feel like he's probably

[49:16] got a sixth sense

[49:17] about this film.

[49:18] He said as if that was a pun.

[49:20] He was in the sixth sense.

[49:21] Yeah, that was,

[49:23] that was,

[49:24] that was,

[49:24] that was Haley Jackie Chan

[49:26] Osment in the sixth sense.

[49:27] You're correct.

[49:29] Jackie Chan is not in the movie.

[49:31] That is, of course,

[49:32] Castle Freak

[49:33] from 1995.

[49:35] Oh, right.

[49:36] I've definitely seen that movie.

[49:38] So,

[49:40] you guys did pretty well

[49:41] overall.

[49:42] You got a full

[49:44] 13 out of 17

[49:45] questions correct.

[49:47] Yeah.

[49:48] The times that you split

[49:49] cancel each other's outs.

[49:51] Did you count that first,

[49:53] that first point we got

[49:54] before the game started?

[49:55] Oh, okay.

[49:55] So, well,

[49:56] then you got 14 out of 17

[49:58] with that bonus.

[49:59] So,

[50:00] you know you're Jackie Chan

[50:01] and the thing is,

[50:02] I got to say,

[50:03] I had this premise.

[50:05] I thought it was pretty funny.

[50:06] Yeah, go on.

[50:09] Audrey actually suggested this to me.

[50:11] I'm like, yes,

[50:12] I'm doing it.

[50:13] It's happening.

[50:13] And then I started looking into it

[50:15] and it's pretty obvious

[50:17] what movie Jackie Chan

[50:19] is in, guys.

[50:20] Unless I wanted to be really boring

[50:22] and just describe

[50:23] a bunch of kung fu movies.

[50:24] Like, you're going to get

[50:26] whether Jackie Chan's in

[50:27] the movie or not.

[50:28] Yeah.

[50:28] But,

[50:28] but look,

[50:30] we all had fun here tonight.

[50:31] We could,

[50:31] we could make a home game of this

[50:33] and people out with some rice-a-roni,

[50:35] the San Francisco treat.

[50:36] I mean, usually you don't,

[50:38] you don't get rice-a-roni

[50:39] for winning the home game.

[50:40] But,

[50:41] you know.

[50:42] Now,

[50:44] now, Dan,

[50:45] why,

[50:45] why do you feel the need

[50:46] to apologize for your game?

[50:47] I thought it was pretty funny.

[50:48] Yeah, like they need to justify

[50:50] what we did tonight.

[50:51] Yeah, do you think,

[50:53] do you think Steve Harvey

[50:54] comes out on Family Feud

[50:55] and he's like,

[50:56] that was fun, right, guys?

[50:57] No, I don't feel the need,

[50:59] but I do.

[50:59] At the end of every Jeopardy,

[51:00] Alex Trebek comes out

[51:01] and goes like,

[51:02] you enjoyed yourself,

[51:03] didn't you?

[51:04] I mean, was this,

[51:05] this wasn't a waste of your time,

[51:06] right?

[51:07] I don't feel the need,

[51:08] but it is,

[51:09] I did think it was interesting

[51:10] to see the,

[51:11] the conceptual curve,

[51:13] let's say,

[51:13] of this premise

[51:15] where it's just like,

[51:16] oh, this is,

[51:17] this is a fun premise.

[51:18] Let's see what happens.

[51:19] Can I actually fool them?

[51:21] Oh, no.

[51:21] I have to lean into the fact

[51:23] that there's no way

[51:24] to fool you.

[51:25] I mean,

[51:25] there's a couple that we,

[51:26] we didn't know about

[51:27] that vampire one, right?

[51:29] Yeah, we didn't know that one.

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:30] We thought,

[51:32] we thought Jackie Chan

[51:33] might have been in First Reformed.

[51:34] Remember when we,

[51:35] we made that mess up?

[51:36] Remember?

[51:36] That was,

[51:37] would have been a very

[51:39] classic movie.

[51:40] Now, what would happen

[51:41] if you took all,

[51:42] Ethan Hawke out of all of his movies

[51:43] and put Jackie Chan in?

[51:44] Jackie Chan's in Gattaca.

[51:46] Jackie Chan's in Before Midnight.

[51:47] Jackie,

[51:48] Jackie Chan's,

[51:49] Jackie Chan's in Daybreakers.

[51:50] Jackie Chan's in Boyhood.

[51:54] I don't know that that one

[51:55] would change that much,

[51:56] but.

[51:56] That would have been

[51:57] really awesome.

[51:58] Yeah, I,

[52:01] like, I,

[52:02] I think that,

[52:03] you know,

[52:03] it,

[52:04] it is either

[52:05] good

[52:07] or a lateral

[52:08] but different move.

[52:09] Like,

[52:10] wildly different

[52:11] move.

[52:11] To put you in a place

[52:13] even on the Jackie Chan.

[52:13] Yeah, exactly.

[52:15] Okay.

[52:17] Well, we'll see.

[52:18] They bring different skill sets

[52:19] is what I'm trying to say.

[52:20] Well, this is your mission now,

[52:22] so make it happen.

[52:23] All right.

[52:25] Well, guys,

[52:26] that was,

[52:27] was Jackie Chan

[52:30] in this movie.

[52:30] As always,

[52:32] you know,

[52:32] write in,

[52:33] see if you can get a copy

[52:34] of the home game.

[52:34] Yeah.

[52:36] I appreciate that

[52:37] you guys went along

[52:39] with me on this

[52:40] nonsense road.

[52:40] I appreciate that you guys went along with me on this nonsense road.

[52:40] And we'll be back

[52:42] with a normal show

[52:43] next week.

[52:45] But until then,

[52:46] I've been Dan McCoy.

[52:47] I'm

[52:48] Stuart Wellington.

[52:49] I'm Ellie Kalin.

[52:51] Before we go,

[52:51] I just want to remind everybody

[52:53] that we have our

[52:54] live show

[52:54] on October 24th

[52:56] on the

[52:57] Flophouse YouTube page.

[52:58] That's

[52:58] 6 p.m. Pacific time,

[53:00] 9 p.m. Eastern

[53:01] on October 24th,

[53:02] one week before Halloween,

[53:03] where we will be

[53:04] talking live

[53:05] and doing presentations

[53:06] and stuff

[53:07] for charity

[53:07] as we did with the Howard the Duck show.

[53:09] This time it is

[53:09] The Exorcist Part 2.

[53:10] The Heretic.

[53:12] And that should be

[53:14] a lot of fun.

[53:15] Yeah.

[53:16] And people who contribute

[53:18] to charities

[53:19] that are listed

[53:20] on our website

[53:21] will be entered

[53:22] into a drawing

[53:22] for some fun

[53:23] Flophouse merch

[53:24] and some cool prizes

[53:25] and stuff.

[53:25] So join us for that.

[53:27] But until then,

[53:28] I'm Elliot Kalin

[53:29] and

[53:30] not Jackie Chan.

[53:31] Or am I?

[53:32] Oh,

[53:34] I can't believe

[53:34] he did that.

[53:35] Good night, everyone.

FH Mini 16 - Jackie Chan?

Transcript

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