FH Mini 16 - Jackie Chan?

[0:00] Oh man, good to be back in the saddle.

Stuart Wellington

[0:07] The saddle in Seattle.

[0:10] Yeah, by that I mean back in my storage room to sit on an uncomfortable stool.

[0:15] Because I don't think it'd be a good idea to...

[0:18] I don't think any podcaster should have a comfortable chair.

[0:21] Yeah.

[0:22] It's an uncomfortable position to be in,

[0:24] where you are sharing your views over the internet with the entire world audience.

Dan McCoy

[0:30] You know, after so much time in quarantine,

[0:33] when you talked about your uncomfortable chair,

[0:35] my immediate reaction was to say,

[0:38] I'm sorry, baby.

[0:40] So, Stuart, how would you have reacted if I had said,

[0:43] I'm sorry, baby?

[0:45] I'd have been like,

Stuart Wellington

[0:46] I'd have been like,

[0:47] Oh, no problem, sweet thing.

Elliott Kalan

[0:49] Now, Dan, what is it about quarantine that makes you call other people baby?

Dan McCoy

[0:53] The fact that I am quarantined with my girlfriend.

[0:57] And you call your girlfriend baby?

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:59] Frequently.

[1:00] I mean, like, this is like the most,

[1:02] the person I see most during quarantine is by far...

Elliott Kalan

[1:06] No, no, it's just interesting because I never call my wife baby.

[1:09] It's just not the way we talk.

[1:10] What do you call your wife?

[1:10] What's your pet name?

[1:11] I've heard it.

[1:12] I say sweetie or lovey.

Dan McCoy

[1:15] Yeah, I don't...

[1:15] Like...

[1:16] I gotta say, Elliot,

[1:17] you know, like we all,

[1:18] you know, different strokes,

[1:19] don't care for lovey.

[1:20] Don't, never...

[1:21] Well, I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:22] Lovey is out there.

[1:24] Lovey is on the edge, my friend.

[1:26] I mean, I don't see how it's...

Elliott Kalan

[1:27] I don't see how it's any more extreme than comparing her to a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31] Yeah.

[1:33] Yeah, I mean, that's...

[1:34] Let's not...

[1:34] Because that's what he's doing.

[1:35] When he looks at her in his head...

[1:36] Yeah, exactly.

[1:37] Let's not put a thing on this.

[1:38] No, no.

[1:39] He sees her as a baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] Baby New Year, specifically,

[1:42] with a sash that says 2021,

[1:44] because he's looking forward to that new year.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47] I mean, to be honest,

[1:48] the prospect of reaching 2021

[1:51] kind of gives me a boner.

[1:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:55] Have we started?

[1:56] Who knows?

[1:56] No, we haven't.

[1:58] Probably.

[1:58] I'm going to start now.

[2:00] Hey, everyone.

[2:01] This is the Flophouse.

[2:02] I'm Dan McCoy.

[2:05] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[2:06] I'm Elliot Kalin,

[2:07] eager to see what is going to pop out of Dan McCoy's mouth next.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] Yeah, well, because this is an off week.

[2:15] Normally on the show,

[2:16] we watch a bad movie,

[2:17] then we talk about it.

[2:18] But we've taken to doing these mini-shows on off weeks

[2:21] that are whatever we want to do in the moment.

[2:26] And they have made the mistake

[2:27] of putting me in the driver's seat tonight.

[2:30] And boy, howdy,

[2:31] do I have a surprise for them and for you.

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] I just hope it's...

[2:37] It's kind of like this puzzle box that I got.

[2:39] All of a sudden, I'm like,

[2:40] oh, I guess I solved it.

[2:42] What's going to come out?

[2:43] Oh, chains with hooks.

[2:45] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] Ah, centibites.

[2:47] That's the problem.

[2:48] Now, Dan, I'm just hoping this mini-sode

[2:50] is different from when you surprised us

[2:51] with your Dan McCoy mini-sodas,

[2:54] which were actually your pee

[2:56] in tiny airplane bottles.

[2:58] Yeah, but I mean,

Dan McCoy

[2:59] the portions was what bothered you, though, right?

[3:02] That was the...

[3:03] Yeah, I said,

[3:04] give me more of that sweet pee.

Elliott Kalan

[3:06] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[3:08] Elliot Guccione Jr. over here.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] Hey, Stuart,

[3:11] his investment in that may turn out

[3:13] to be true someday.

[3:14] That's the sex of the future.

[3:16] Yeah, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[3:17] You're right.

[3:19] I'm not forward thinking enough.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] I feel like there's a...

[3:21] Definitely, there's a movie to be made,

[3:23] I am not the one to make it,

[3:24] about Bob Guccione,

[3:26] the porn millionaire

[3:27] who then lost everything

[3:29] in his dual assumptions

[3:31] that the future would be

[3:32] golden showers and cold fusion.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] Yeah.

[3:36] That he spent years

Elliott Kalan

[3:37] throwing money away

[3:38] at cold fusion research.

[3:41] Oh, man.

[3:41] And also golden showers.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] So, guys,

[3:45] I'm just making a little note here,

[3:48] and let's go.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Is that note going to play

[3:52] into the episode later?

[3:54] Yeah, it will.

[3:55] Is that Chekhov's note?

Dan McCoy

[3:56] I was giving myself

[3:57] a little indicator

[3:59] of when maybe

[4:00] I should stop

[4:00] to read the ad.

[4:02] It's nothing exciting.

[4:04] So, let's maybe

[4:06] not talk about it anymore.

[4:08] Here's my many for you.

[4:11] Gentlemen,

[4:13] on episode 213,

[4:16] Christian Mingle,

[4:18] if you will recall,

[4:19] I had some confusion

[4:21] over Jackie Chan.

Elliott Kalan

[4:22] Dan, I don't even remember

[4:24] that we did the movie

[4:25] Christian Mingle.

[4:29] I watched a movie...

Stuart Wellington

[4:31] And at least the first half

[4:32] of Hard Target 2.

Dan McCoy

[4:33] I watched a movie

[4:34] called Mr. Nice Guy

[4:35] the other day.

[4:36] You know the Jackie Chan movie?

[4:38] No.

[4:39] I don't think that was it.

[4:40] Who's in it?

[4:41] A different one.

Elliott Kalan

[4:41] You don't think that was it?

[4:43] Hold on.

[4:43] So, like,

[4:43] you don't remember

[4:44] if Jackie Chan

[4:45] was in the movie or not?

[4:46] Yeah, one of the biggest

[4:47] stars in the world.

[4:48] Let me tell you,

[4:49] Jackie Chan usually makes

[4:50] a pretty specific impression.

[4:52] No, wait.

[4:53] It's not like you couldn't

[4:55] remember if it was like,

[4:56] whether it was like

[4:59] James Agar

[5:02] or John Agar

[5:04] or Peter Graves,

[5:07] you know,

[5:07] something like that.

[5:07] A movie from the 50s.

[5:08] All right.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] Maybe I was thinking

[5:10] of a different movie.

[5:12] This story didn't go anywhere.

Elliott Kalan

[5:13] You still don't know

[5:14] if Jackie Chan was in it?

[5:15] No.

[5:16] Here's Dan.

[5:17] I'm going to ask you

[5:17] one simple question.

[5:19] Was Jackie Chan in the movie?

[5:21] Jackie Chan.

Dan McCoy

[5:22] Whatever movie I watched,

[5:23] it did not have Jackie Chan in it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:24] So it's not the Mr. Nice Guy

Dan McCoy

[5:26] that Stuart is referring to.

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] No.

[5:28] Let's checkmate.

[5:29] Let's not pretend

[5:30] we live in this

[5:31] un-spoken world

[5:32] where you could have seen

[5:34] Mr. Nice Guy

[5:35] with Jackie Chan.

[5:36] It was not that movie.

[5:38] I think we've established

[5:39] through this

[5:40] one piece of information.

Dan McCoy

[5:43] All right,

[5:43] Sherlock Holmes.

[5:45] Slylock Fox.

[5:46] Thanks for...

[5:47] Yeah, thanks for...

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] I just wanted to

[5:50] take out any

[5:51] reasonable doubt

[5:52] that you had maybe

[5:53] watched a Jackie Chan movie

[5:55] and somehow

[5:55] had forgotten

[5:56] that the

[5:57] very unique star

[5:59] Jackie Chan

[6:00] whose synthesis

[6:01] of martial arts virtuosity

[6:03] and slapstick humor

[6:05] is unparalleled

[6:07] in my mind

[6:08] by anyone

[6:09] in the world

[6:10] that you didn't

[6:11] somehow

[6:12] overlook

[6:13] his contributions

[6:15] to a film.

[6:17] They were thinking

[6:18] who was the guy

[6:19] who did a really

[6:19] funny ladder battle

[6:21] with four

[6:22] organized crime

[6:23] hitmen?

[6:24] I don't even remember.

[6:25] There's no way

[6:26] of saying.

[6:27] All right.

[6:28] We're just gonna

[6:29] have to assume

[6:30] we're in some universe

[6:31] where it both

[6:31] was and was not

[6:33] Jackie Chan

[6:33] until through

[6:35] observing the film

[6:36] we collapse

[6:37] those possibilities

[6:39] into one point

[6:40] in time.

[6:41] Sure.

[6:43] All right.

[6:48] He couldn't know

[6:49] if he was in the movie

[6:50] or not.

[6:50] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:51] Yeah, it was like yesterday.

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] Now, the explanation

[6:54] of what actually happened

[6:55] Well, Jackie Chan

[6:55] is not in the movie

[6:56] yesterday.

Stuart Wellington

[6:57] No.

[6:57] He is not in the movie

[6:59] yesterday?

[6:59] No.

[6:59] I'm pretty sure.

[7:01] Will he be in the movie

[7:02] tomorrow?

[7:04] God damn it.

[7:04] Sorry.

[7:05] Sorry, Stuart.

[7:06] I didn't beat him

[7:06] the joke.

[7:06] It's okay.

[7:07] It's fine.

Dan McCoy

[7:07] Well, the explanation

[7:09] of what actually happened

[7:10] in that clip there

[7:12] is that I had gotten

[7:13] the title of the

[7:14] Anna Kendrick

[7:15] Sam Rockwell

[7:16] hitman comedy

[7:18] Mr. Right

[7:19] confused with

[7:21] Mr. Nice Guy

[7:22] because they're both

[7:23] generic names

[7:24] with Mr. in them.

[7:26] However,

[7:27] in the moment

[7:28] as it unspuled

[7:29] I decided

[7:30] No, it unspuled.

[7:31] As it unspuled

[7:33] I decided

[7:34] it would be funnier

[7:34] to go along

[7:35] with your confusion

[7:36] about me not knowing

[7:39] was in a particular movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:40] This seems like

[7:40] a pretty strong retcon

[7:41] that Dan's like

[7:43] No, no.

[7:44] I knew the whole time

[7:45] you fell into my trap.

Dan McCoy

[7:47] Listeners,

[7:48] give me the judge.

[7:48] Do you think

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] that I actually

[7:50] didn't know

Dan McCoy

[7:50] whether Jackie Chan

[7:51] was in a movie

[7:52] or that my explanation

[7:54] makes sense?

Elliott Kalan

[7:55] This is some real

[7:56] Dr. Light

[7:57] was lobotomized

[7:58] by the JLA type

[7:59] retconning right here.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] Guys, you're falling

[8:01] right into my trap

[8:02] because since then

[8:03] I've had the reputation

[8:04] of never knowing

[8:06] is in a movie.

[8:07] So tonight

[8:07] I'm turning the tables

[8:09] on you

[8:10] the stew

[8:11] and Elliot.

[8:13] Wait, but are you

[8:13] going to do it

[8:14] in a cool way

Elliott Kalan

[8:14] that Jackie Chan

[8:15] would turn tables

[8:15] to keep attackers

[8:16] away from him?

[8:17] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[8:18] Uh-huh.

[8:18] All the while

[8:19] grabbing some vases

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] out of the air.

[8:22] Yeah, yeah.

[8:22] They'd be like

[8:23] why did these goons

[8:25] let Jackie Chan

[8:25] go into a table factory?

Elliott Kalan

[8:27] Why did they allow

[8:29] Jackie Chan

[8:29] to go anywhere

[8:30] with furniture?

[8:30] Don't you know

[8:31] that's his super strength?

[8:32] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] Yeah, so here we go.

[8:35] This is what's

[8:35] going to happen tonight.

[8:37] I'm going to read you

[8:38] some IMDB plot synopses

[8:41] and you're going to tell me

[8:43] based on the plot

[8:44] whether it's a

[8:45] Jackie Chan movie

[8:46] or not.

[8:48] And take note

[8:48] in the rules

[8:50] of this game

[8:51] a Jackie Chan movie

[8:52] is defined as

[8:53] any of the 141 movies

[8:56] where Jackie Chan

[8:57] has an acting credit

[8:58] minus

[8:59] whichever of those movies

[9:01] are animated movies.

[9:02] I'm not going to

[9:03] make you remember

[9:04] whether he was a voice.

Elliott Kalan

[9:05] And you mentioned

[9:05] in the rules of the game

[9:07] I want to mention

[9:08] that in Renoir's

[9:09] rules of the game

[9:09] Jackie Chan

[9:10] does not appear.

[9:11] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[9:12] That is correct

Stuart Wellington

[9:13] for one point.

[9:14] What happens if we

[9:15] score more points

[9:18] because we've already

[9:19] gotten a point.

[9:19] That's a point

[9:20] right before the game

[9:21] has even started.

[9:21] That's how good we are.

[9:22] You said it

[9:22] so we get it.

[9:23] You can't take

[9:24] six factsies.

[9:25] So what happens

[9:27] if we win the game, Dan?

[9:29] You always win stakes, Stuart.

[9:32] I mean let's keep in mind

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] that the last time

[9:34] you put a game

[9:34] before us

[9:35] and we won

[9:35] you did not

[9:36] follow through.

[9:37] Exactly.

[9:38] I think the states

[9:39] were getting

[9:40] Boston tips.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] That's the thing.

[9:43] Like why would you

[9:43] put another thing

[9:44] on me that you know

[9:45] I'm just not going to do?

Elliott Kalan

[9:46] That's fair.

[9:47] That's fair.

[9:48] You are,

[9:48] we are dealing

[9:49] with the Republican Party

[9:50] at this point.

[9:51] It is our fault

[9:51] for assuming

[9:52] that you would

[9:53] abide by the norms.

[9:54] That's fair.

Stuart Wellington

[9:55] I feel like it would

[9:56] just be a list

[9:57] of additional tasks

[9:58] you'd have to complete

[9:59] when you eventually

[10:00] shuffle off this mortal coil

[10:02] and get to the afterlife

[10:03] and they're like

[10:03] well Dan

[10:04] you gotta do these things

[10:05] before you can get

[10:06] to your eternal slumber

[10:07] and you're like

[10:07] ugh, final frost tips

[10:09] I'll lick this dog turd

[10:10] Stuart made me do.

Dan McCoy

[10:11] If that's all it takes

[10:13] to get me into heaven

[10:14] I will do it.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] You said heaven.

[10:16] We didn't say heaven Dan.

[10:17] We just said the afterlife.

Dan McCoy

[10:19] Oh well then

[10:20] I won't do it.

[10:23] I'll prevent myself

[10:24] from doing it

[10:24] if it means that I can

[10:25] just sit around

[10:26] and haunt you guys.

[10:27] That's fair

Elliott Kalan

[10:27] because in the afterlife

[10:28] you will be headed

[10:29] for the serious strife.

[10:30] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[10:31] Is that sung by

[10:32] the Cherry Poppin' Dannys?

[10:33] No, it's not.

[10:34] No, that is.

[10:35] It's the Squirrel Nut Novois.

[10:36] The Squirrel Nut Zippers.

[10:37] Oh, my mistake.

[10:38] The Cherry Poppin' Dannys.

[10:40] I forgot about Dan's

Elliott Kalan

[10:41] Neo Swing group

[10:42] the Cherry Poppin' Dannys.

Dan McCoy

[10:44] Okay.

[10:45] Okay, so guys

[10:46] here's the first one.

[10:49] This is the synopsis.

[10:51] These are contributed

[10:52] by IMGb users.

[10:55] In certain cases

[10:56] they're edited

[10:57] for length and clarity

[10:58] but these are all

[11:00] IMGb synopsis.

[11:02] If one of them uses

Elliott Kalan

[11:02] the phrase

[11:03] Rumble in the Bronx

[11:04] you didn't edit that out, right?

[11:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:06] We shall see.

[11:08] Okay.

[11:08] Now, number one.

[11:10] May 1960.

[11:13] Mount Everest.

[11:14] The second step

[11:15] under the cliff.

[11:17] The four members

[11:18] of the China Everest

[11:19] Climbing Commando

[11:21] are attacking

[11:22] the most difficult

[11:23] and

[11:24] most difficult

[11:26] second step.

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] So these were edited

[11:30] for clarity

[11:31] but not to avoid

[11:32] moronics-y.

[11:33] It is.

Dan McCoy

[11:35] This is their

[11:35] fifth assault.

[11:37] What is Jackie Chan

[11:38] in this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] This is a tough one.

[11:40] It sounds kind of like

[11:42] a Jackie Chan movie

[11:43] but I'm not sure.

Elliott Kalan

[11:44] It sounds a little bit

[11:45] like Operation Condor

[11:47] but I can't remember

[11:48] if that's a period film

[11:49] or not.

[11:50] Because there's a mountain

[11:51] in that, right?

Stuart Wellington

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:54] Mount Condor.

[11:55] Yeah.

[11:55] Hence the name

[11:56] of the operation.

[11:56] I feel like they run around

[11:57] and they're like

[11:58] jumping around

[11:59] like old Nazi crap

[12:00] but I can't remember

[12:01] exactly.

[12:03] I'm going to say

[12:04] this is a Jackie Chan movie.

[12:07] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:08] I'm going to go out

[12:09] on that limb with you.

[12:09] I will also say

[12:10] it's a Jackie Chan movie.

Dan McCoy

[12:12] Yes.

[12:12] This is a Jackie Chan movie.

[12:14] This is called

[12:14] The Climbers.

[12:15] It came out

[12:16] just last year

[12:17] 2019.

[12:19] Oh, okay.

[12:20] No wonder I wasn't

[12:20] aware of it.

[12:21] Yeah.

[12:22] Okay.

[12:23] So your next movie

[12:24] is this.

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] So that's two points.

[12:26] One question,

[12:27] two points.

[12:27] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[12:30] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[12:43] that feels like

[12:44] a pretty straightforward

[12:45] premise, Elliot.

[12:46] It does.

[12:47] I mean,

[12:47] like that could describe

[12:48] a lot of movies.

Elliott Kalan

[12:50] Yeah.

[12:50] The Godfather,

[12:51] Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

[12:55] They're all pretty much

[12:56] that Tootsie.

[12:58] Suspiria.

[12:59] Suspiria.

[13:00] Suspiria meets Tootsie.

[13:02] And then there was

[13:03] Suspiria meets Tootsie

[13:04] versus Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

Stuart Wellington

[13:06] But the whole thing

[13:07] was just,

[13:08] it just felt like

[13:08] it was a sequel to Tootsie

[13:10] that they just shoehorned

[13:11] the other crap in.

[13:12] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[13:12] to be fair,

[13:13] he is mostly just

[13:14] bringing back

[13:15] the Dorothy character

[13:16] in Tootsie

[13:16] and then at the very end

[13:18] he joins that

[13:18] German dancing school

[13:19] for like two scenes.

[13:21] And then Rebecca

[13:22] Sunnybrook Farm

[13:23] just shows up at the end

[13:24] as the deus ex Rebecca.

[13:27] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] and you're just hoping

[13:29] that the audience

[13:29] is going to show up

[13:30] just for that

[13:31] and pay for the whole

[13:32] movie ticket

[13:32] like meet Joe Black

[13:33] or some shit.

[13:35] Do you think

[13:35] there's like

Dan McCoy

[13:36] four or five people

[13:38] named Rebecca

[13:39] in that like

[13:40] neighborhood

[13:41] in that like

[13:41] general area?

[13:44] Is that Rebecca

[13:45] of Sunnybrook Farm

[13:46] or is that Rebecca

[13:47] with like the weird mole

[13:48] or is that Rebecca

[13:49] who like makes

[13:50] the really good lemon bars?

[13:52] Like which Rebecca?

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] Or the second

[13:55] Mrs. DeWinter?

[13:56] Yeah, could be.

[13:57] Actually the first

[13:58] Mrs. DeWinter

[13:58] was Rebecca.

[13:59] We never learned

[13:59] the name of the second

[14:00] Mrs. DeWinter.

[14:01] So I think,

[14:03] Stuart,

[14:03] let's just say

[14:04] it's a Jackie Chan movie.

[14:05] It's a butcher.

[14:05] Yeah, I mean it's gotta be.

[14:06] I mean it's a little

[14:07] similar to what

[14:08] Meals on Wheels

[14:08] but you know

[14:09] maybe it's

[14:10] but that's not it.

Stuart Wellington

[14:11] Wheels on Meals.

[14:12] Wheels on Meals.

[14:12] It's also,

[14:13] yeah,

[14:13] is it too close

[14:14] to God of Cookery?

[14:15] Who knows?

Dan McCoy

[14:16] I'm afraid

[14:17] this is not

[14:18] a Jackie Chan movie.

[14:19] This is

[14:19] The Magnificent Butcher

[14:21] from 1979

[14:23] starring Sammo Hung.

[14:25] Oh.

[14:25] A contemporary

[14:26] but not Jackie Chan himself.

[14:28] Yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[14:29] Another graduate

[14:30] of the same circus school

[14:31] I think.

Dan McCoy

[14:32] Yeah, yeah.

[14:33] Okay,

[14:34] so this next movie

[14:35] the synopsis goes

[14:37] as follows.

[14:39] A company that wishes

[14:40] to people

[14:41] I don't know

[14:43] what that means.

[14:45] to people

[14:45] Now you said this

Stuart Wellington

[14:46] was edited for clarity.

Dan McCoy

[14:48] Yeah, but not well.

[14:50] Okay.

[14:53] to people

[14:54] looking for a day away

[14:55] from their ordinary lives.

[14:58] I think Grant's wishes

[14:59] to people

[15:00] looking for a day away

[15:01] from their ordinary lives.

[15:02] I think Grant's

[15:03] is the missing.

Elliott Kalan

[15:04] Okay.

[15:04] I mean, so far

[15:05] this could be the lobster

[15:06] but continue.

Dan McCoy

[15:07] Yeah, no, that's it.

[15:08] That's it.

[15:09] I didn't say

[15:10] they were all good synopses.

[15:11] I'm just saying

[15:12] that they're ones

[15:13] that I found.

[15:15] Oh, so that's

[15:16] the whole synopsis?

[15:17] That's the whole thing.

[15:18] That's the...

[15:18] Wait, read it again?

[15:19] Because that's not a synopsis.

[15:21] Grant's wishes

[15:22] to people

[15:22] looking for it.

[15:24] I think, you know what?

[15:25] I think that

[15:26] something got cut here

[15:27] accidentally

[15:29] so I'm not going to even...

[15:31] Well, tell us.

[15:32] Tell us the answer.

[15:33] I'm not even going to...

[15:33] It was Jackie Chan

[15:35] Personal Taylor 2013

[15:37] but I think something

[15:38] got lost

[15:39] in the cutting

[15:41] and pasting of things.

[15:42] That's too bad.

[15:43] Next time.

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] Yeah, yeah.

[15:44] Save that for Jackie...

[15:46] Was this a Jackie Chan

[15:47] movie part two?

[15:48] Yeah.

[15:50] Okay.

[15:51] The next one.

[15:52] Stuart, how cool

[15:53] is it going to be

[15:54] when he has Jackie Chan

[15:55] come out to read

[15:56] the last one?

Stuart Wellington

[15:58] I'm going to lose

[15:59] my mind, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[16:00] What a huge,

[16:00] great surprise

[16:01] that's going to be

[16:02] for the listeners too.

[16:03] That's so cool.

Stuart Wellington

[16:04] I'm going to

[16:05] wake my wife...

[16:06] I'm so excited

[16:09] I'm just fucking up

[16:10] my words.

[16:11] I'm going to wake

[16:11] my wife up

[16:12] off the couch

[16:13] and be like,

[16:14] you need to come in here.

[16:15] Jackie Chan is here.

[16:16] And she's going to be like,

[16:17] what the fuck

[16:18] are you talking about?

[16:18] I'm like,

[16:19] I know you're not dreaming

[16:21] and I start pinching her

[16:22] and she's like,

[16:22] stop doing that.

[16:23] I told you to stop doing that.

[16:25] And I'm like,

[16:26] I know,

[16:26] but this is a special occasion.

[16:28] Jackie Chan's here

[16:29] and so I'll bring her in.

[16:30] And by that point,

[16:31] Jackie Chan will have left.

[16:32] He's going off Cameron

[16:34] and she'll think

[16:35] I'm making it up

[16:35] and we're going to get

[16:36] in a big fight.

[16:37] Yeah.

[16:37] She'll be so mad.

Elliott Kalan

[16:38] Now,

[16:39] and imagine what a

[16:39] disappointment it'll be

[16:40] when it turns out

[16:41] it's actually Shaka Khan.

[16:42] Still great, cool,

[16:44] but not Jackie Chan.

[16:44] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[16:45] that would be

[16:45] very impressive.

Elliott Kalan

[16:47] Still a great get for Dan,

[16:48] but it would be weird

[16:49] to have Shaka Khan

[16:50] when...

[16:51] Unrelated,

[16:51] but yeah,

[16:52] I mean,

[16:52] it's still exciting.

[16:53] But we know

[16:53] it's going to be Jackie Chan.

[16:54] So again,

[16:55] I don't want to ruin it

[16:55] for the listeners,

[16:56] but it's going to be

[16:56] such a great surprise

[16:57] when Jackie Chan

[16:58] comes out at the end.

[16:59] So,

[17:00] okay,

[17:00] Dan,

[17:00] what's the next one?

Dan McCoy

[17:04] Because Dan knows

Elliott Kalan

[17:04] all sorts of famous people.

[17:05] He works with Trevor Noah.

[17:07] Yeah.

[17:08] He hangs out with,

[17:10] who,

[17:11] with,

[17:12] what's his face?

[17:14] Yeah.

[17:15] Yeah,

[17:15] famous guy.

[17:17] David Hyde Pierce.

[17:17] He's always hanging out

[17:18] with David Hyde Pierce.

[17:19] Oh, I am?

[17:19] Oh, wow.

[17:20] Him and David Hyde Pierce

[17:21] and Bobby Cannavale

[17:22] are always hanging out together.

[17:23] And they call themselves,

[17:25] they call themselves

[17:26] the three babesketeers

[17:27] because they're always

[17:28] on the hunt for babes.

Dan McCoy

[17:30] Yeah.

[17:31] David Hyde Pierce is,

[17:32] is he?

[17:33] Anyway.

[17:34] That's for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[17:35] And occasionally,

[17:36] occasionally they just go over

[17:37] and prank Jim Parsons' house

[17:38] because he's also like

[17:39] the unofficial

[17:40] fourth babesketeer.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:41] Okay.

[17:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:43] This one is,

[17:44] the synopsis is as follows.

[17:47] A humble businessman

[17:49] with a buried past

[17:51] seeks justice

[17:53] when his daughter is killed

[17:55] in an act of terrorism.

Stuart Wellington

[17:57] That's 100%

Dan McCoy

[17:59] A cat and mouse conflict

[18:01] ensues

[18:01] with a government official

[18:03] whose past may hold clues

[18:06] to the killer's identities.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] Is that the one with

[18:09] Pierce Brosnan and Jackie Chan?

[18:12] I think so.

[18:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:13] Let's say it's a Jackie Chan movie.

[18:15] Okay, yes.

[18:15] That is

[18:16] The Foreigner,

[18:17] 2017,

[18:19] starring Pierce Brosnan

[18:20] and Jackie Chan.

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:22] Jackie Chan.

[18:22] The one where

Elliott Kalan

[18:23] on the poster

[18:24] it looks like Jackie Chan is tiny

[18:25] and Pierce Brosnan is gigantic.

Stuart Wellington

[18:27] Yeah, yeah.

[18:28] It's like that shot

[18:29] in that Fast and Furious movie

[18:31] where it looks like Vin Diesel's

[18:32] bigger than The Rock

[18:33] and you're like,

[18:33] I don't think that's how it works,

[18:35] but okay.

Dan McCoy

[18:37] Okay, so next movie.

[18:40] Here's the summary.

[18:43] A small town priest

[18:44] struggles with his faith.

[18:47] A small town priest

[18:49] struggles with his faith.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] Now that sounds like

[18:52] Diary of a Country Priest

[18:53] which is not a Jackie Chan movie.

[18:55] Wait, wait, Elliot.

[18:56] But it could also be Winter Light

[18:57] which is also not a Jackie Chan movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:01] Yeah.

[19:05] Was Jackie Chan in that movie

[19:09] with Ethan Hawke?

[19:11] Oh, oh,

[19:11] First Reformed.

[19:12] First Reformed?

Elliott Kalan

[19:13] Yeah, was Jackie Chan

[19:14] in First Reformed?

[19:15] Let me try.

[19:16] I mean,

[19:16] Cedric the Entertainer's in it.

[19:18] No, that was Amanda Seyfried.

[19:20] So yeah,

[19:20] it was Amanda Seyfried

[19:21] you're thinking of.

[19:22] It has the,

[19:23] now,

[19:24] is Jackie Chan

Stuart Wellington

[19:25] Did Jackie Chan play her husband

[19:26] from the beginning of the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[19:28] I don't,

[19:29] I'm trying to remember.

[19:31] I don't think so.

[19:32] Okay,

[19:32] so what other movies,

[19:33] is it,

[19:34] it's not weird,

Stuart Wellington

[19:34] Does Jackie Chan play

[19:35] the really skinny polar bear

[19:37] in the YouTube videos

[19:39] that Ethan Hawke watches

[19:40] in the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] Now,

[19:41] is Jackie Chan

[19:43] the kind of like angel

[19:44] that loses his wings

[19:45] in the Losing My Religion

[19:46] video from REM?

[19:48] Is that,

[19:48] is that the one?

[19:49] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[19:49] that's,

[19:50] but that's not a movie, Elliot.

[19:52] That's a music video.

[19:53] It's a movie level music video.

[19:55] It's a credit,

[19:55] it's a credit,

[19:56] you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[19:57] Let's see,

[19:58] other movies about priests

[19:59] struggling with their faith.

[20:03] Are there any?

[20:04] I think that might be

[20:05] all three of them.

[20:06] That's all of them.

[20:08] Oh, wait, wait,

[20:08] hold on,

[20:09] except for nuns on the run.

[20:10] They're not priests.

[20:11] They're technically

[20:12] not struggling with their faith

[20:13] so much as,

[20:14] like,

[20:14] they're pretending to be nuns.

[20:15] Hiding out.

[20:16] Yeah.

[20:17] Well,

[20:17] what about Sister Act?

[20:18] No,

[20:18] that's again,

[20:18] another one about a person

[20:19] who's hiding out as a nun.

[20:21] Okay.

[20:22] What about We're Not Nuns,

[20:24] a hideout story?

Dan McCoy

[20:25] We're No Angels.

Elliott Kalan

[20:27] There are no angels.

[20:28] There are no angels,

[20:28] so hiding out as priests.

[20:29] Hiding out as priests.

Dan McCoy

[20:30] Yeah.

[20:31] And what about,

Stuart Wellington

[20:32] Oh God,

[20:32] You Devil?

Dan McCoy

[20:34] Well,

[20:34] that's more about

[20:35] how this guy

[20:37] makes a deal

[20:38] with the devil

[20:39] to write songs,

[20:41] and George Burns

[20:43] is both of them.

Elliott Kalan

[20:44] What about Doubt?

[20:45] Is this Doubt

[20:46] starring Jackie Chan?

Dan McCoy

[20:48] So what's your answer here?

[20:49] What's the,

[20:50] is this a Jackie Chan movie?

[20:50] Oh,

[20:51] is it,

[20:51] wait,

[20:51] one more,

Elliott Kalan

[20:52] one more,

[20:52] Spotlight.

[20:53] Is it Spotlight?

[20:55] No,

[20:56] I'm gonna say,

[20:56] Stuart,

[20:57] what do you think?

[20:57] I think it's not a Jackie Chan movie.

[20:58] What do you think?

[20:59] I don't think it is.

Dan McCoy

[20:59] No,

[21:00] no,

[21:00] this is,

[21:00] this is Winter Light

[21:02] from 1963.

[21:03] Oh,

[21:04] so I guessed the right one.

[21:05] I guessed the right one.

[21:06] I guess,

[21:06] yep,

[21:07] one of your guesses

[21:08] was correct.

[21:09] Okay,

[21:10] here's,

[21:11] here's one

[21:12] that could be Jackie Chan.

[21:13] Do you know?

[21:15] An unconventional cop

[21:16] who doesn't take any bull.

Elliott Kalan

[21:18] Reporters wonder about

[21:18] the last word

[21:19] of a newspaper tycoon.

Dan McCoy

[21:22] An unconventional cop

[21:23] who doesn't take any bull

[21:25] is paired up

[21:26] with an amazing detective

[21:27] to capture

[21:28] some powerful criminals,

[21:29] but the cop soon realizes

[21:31] that his

[21:32] by-the-book partner

[21:33] has split personality disorder?

[21:40] Is that a Jackie Chan movie

[21:42] or no?

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] He's played cops.

[21:46] Mm-hmm.

[21:46] He's played cops before.

[21:47] He's played super cop.

[21:48] He's played a,

[21:49] a rush hour cop.

Stuart Wellington

[21:51] He's played a police story cop.

[21:53] He's been a Shanghai Knight.

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] Yeah,

[21:55] two police story cops.

[21:56] I don't think he was teamed up

[21:57] with anyone

[21:57] with multiple personality disorder

[21:59] and I don't think he had

[22:00] multiple personality disorder.

Stuart Wellington

[22:01] No,

[22:01] that sounds closer

[22:02] to the plot

[22:03] of the hit movie

[22:04] Second Sight

[22:06] starring Brunson Pinshaw

[22:08] and John Larroquette.

[22:08] There he has psychic powers,

[22:10] I guess.

[22:11] Yeah,

[22:11] that's true.

[22:12] He's,

[22:12] he's magic in that one.

[22:14] Yeah.

[22:15] this is not

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] You know what?

[22:18] Just to play devil's advocate,

[22:19] which is not a Jackie Chan movie,

[22:21] it stars Keanu Reeves

[22:22] and Al Pacino

[22:23] and Charlize Theron.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] Are you 100% sure

[22:25] that he's not in that movie?

Elliott Kalan

[22:26] Let me double check.

[22:27] He might be

[22:28] the woman that it turns out

[22:29] is Keanu Reeves'

[22:30] sister that the devil

[22:31] wants them to have sex.

[22:33] Yes.

[22:33] It's possible.

Stuart Wellington

[22:34] As I've mentioned before

[22:35] on the podcast,

[22:36] that was probably

[22:37] the most awkward movie

[22:38] I remember watching

[22:39] with my parents.

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] I'm going to go out on a limb

[22:43] and say,

[22:43] and disagree with Stuart

[22:44] just to cover our bases

[22:45] that this is a Jackie Chan movie.

Stuart Wellington

[22:47] That it wasn't awkward

[22:48] to watch it with my parents.

[22:49] I'm going to say that

Elliott Kalan

[22:50] you and your parents

[22:51] had a great time

[22:52] watching Devil's Advocate

[22:53] and it was in no way

[22:55] weird at all.

Stuart Wellington

[22:56] Yeah,

[22:57] no,

[22:57] that's true.

[22:57] We have a pretty open family.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] So this,

[23:00] this movie about

[23:01] an unconventional cop

[23:03] paired with a

[23:04] by the books cop

[23:05] who has split

[23:06] personality disorder

[23:07] is Loose Cannons

[23:09] from 1990

[23:10] starring Gene Hackman

[23:12] and Dan Aykroyd

[23:13] and no Jackie Chan.

Stuart Wellington

[23:15] The terrible movie

[23:17] Loose Cannons.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] That reminds me,

[23:20] I saw that,

[23:21] I think,

[23:21] I think Swing Shift

[23:22] or whatever it is,

[23:23] the Pat Morita,

[23:25] Jay Leno movie.

[23:26] No,

Dan McCoy

[23:26] that's Collision Course.

[23:28] Swing Shift is

[23:29] Goldie Hawn

[23:31] and Kurt Russell.

[23:32] That's right.

[23:32] Jonathan Demme movie.

Elliott Kalan

[23:33] Collision Course

[23:34] is on a,

[23:35] I forgot what,

[23:35] streaming platform

[23:36] right now.

[23:37] and I was like,

[23:37] I think I might have to

[23:38] watch this movie.

[23:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:41] Yeah,

[23:41] it was like the other day.

[23:42] How will those two work together?

[23:44] It was like the other day

[23:45] when I'm like,

[23:46] oh man,

[23:46] I got a couple hours to kill.

[23:47] What am I going to watch?

[23:48] And I pulled up HBO Max

[23:49] and Critters 2

[23:50] was the first thing to pop up

[23:52] and I don't,

[23:53] like,

[23:53] I think I broke my

[23:54] PlayStation controller

[23:55] hitting play.

Dan McCoy

[23:58] Okay,

[23:59] so moving on.

[24:00] This is another

[24:01] fairly generic

[24:02] synopsis.

[24:04] So was that,

Dan McCoy

[24:04] wait,

[24:04] so was that a comedy,

Elliott Kalan

[24:05] Loose Cannons,

Dan McCoy

[24:05] or it was not?

[24:06] Loose Cannons,

[24:06] well,

[24:07] well,

[24:10] well,

[24:10] depends on whether

[24:11] you're talking about

[24:11] the filmmaker's intent

[24:13] or the audience's reaction.

[24:15] That's a very

[24:16] We talk about that a lot

[24:17] here on the podcast.

[24:18] Yeah.

[24:18] Yeah,

[24:19] no,

[24:19] they tried to make it a comedy.

[24:20] It is a,

[24:21] it is a bad movie

[24:23] that both

[24:23] makes light of a mental disorder

[24:26] and is not funny.

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] Yeah,

[24:28] if they're gonna,

[24:29] if they're gonna be offensive

[24:30] about somebody,

[24:31] at least be funny,

[24:31] right,

[24:32] Dan?

[24:33] Yeah.

[24:34] Stuart,

[24:34] I'm entrapping Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[24:35] Okay.

[24:36] Yeah,

[24:36] let's trap,

[24:37] let's entrap him.

[24:38] Let's make him slide his butt

Elliott Kalan

[24:39] under some lasers.

[24:40] Yeah,

[24:40] yeah,

[24:41] that's what entrapment means.

[24:42] If you look in the dictionary,

[24:43] it says,

[24:44] one,

[24:44] to entrap someone,

[24:45] two,

[24:46] to show your butt

[24:47] sliding under lasers.

Dan McCoy

[24:48] Wasn't that like,

[24:49] the line from the trailer

[24:52] or something like that?

[24:52] It was like,

[24:52] that's not blackmail,

[24:53] that's entrapment.

[24:54] No,

[24:55] no,

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] he said,

[24:55] he goes,

[24:56] entrapment,

[24:57] that's a,

[24:57] that's a police word.

[24:59] You mean blackmail

[24:59] or something like that?

[25:00] That's how he knows

[25:01] that she's actually

[25:02] an undercover cop

[25:03] pretending to be a criminal.

[25:05] She says entrapment

[25:05] and not blackmail.

[25:06] But really,

[25:07] he's still just thinking

[25:08] about her butt

[25:08] in his pants.

Stuart Wellington

[25:10] Or,

[25:10] wait,

[25:11] was that the trailer

[25:12] where he goes,

[25:12] me,

[25:13] I'm the medicine man?

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] No,

[25:15] no,

[25:16] it was the one

[25:16] where he said,

[25:16] you're finding Forrester

[25:18] now,

[25:18] dog.

[25:19] Yeah,

[25:20] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:22] So,

[25:22] okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:24] Looks like we've got

[25:25] a real hunt

[25:25] for Red October

[25:26] on our hands.

Dan McCoy

[25:28] These gentlemen

[25:28] are extraordinary.

[25:32] Join my bowling league.

[25:33] That's what that's about,

[25:34] right?

[25:35] It might as well be.

[25:36] It's a terrible movie.

[25:37] So,

[25:38] okay,

[25:38] this is a very

[25:39] generic synopsis.

[25:40] Well,

[25:40] well,

[25:41] well,

[25:41] you old Zardars,

[25:42] you.

[25:43] Uh-huh,

[25:44] yeah.

[25:44] But,

[25:45] like I said,

[25:46] these are,

[25:46] these are user

[25:48] contributed,

[25:49] so not all of them

[25:50] are going to be great.

[25:51] This one says,

[25:52] This isn't a last night,

[25:53] it's a first night.

[25:56] Here's a synopsis for you.

[25:58] A man looking for the release

[25:59] of a long-time prisoner

[26:01] takes a police officer,

[26:03] his daughter,

[26:04] and a group of strangers

[26:05] hostage.

[26:06] A man looking for the release

[26:08] of a long-time prisoner

[26:09] takes a police officer,

[26:11] his daughter,

[26:12] and a group of strangers

[26:13] hostage.

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] I mean,

[26:14] if it wasn't a police officer,

[26:16] that's the plot of

[26:16] Air Force One.

[26:18] That's true.

[26:19] Yeah.

[26:20] Let's see.

[26:21] Which Jackie Chan

[26:22] is not in.

Stuart Wellington

[26:24] And if it was,

[26:25] instead of a police officer

[26:26] and his daughter,

[26:27] it was a boarding school

[26:28] full of kids,

[26:29] that would be toy soldiers.

[26:31] Or masterminds.

[26:33] Yeah.

[26:33] Or masterminds

[26:34] starring Patrick Stewart

[26:36] and Vincent,

[26:37] uh,

[26:38] what's his name?

[26:39] Gallo?

[26:39] Yep,

Elliott Kalan

[26:41] Vincent Gallo.

[26:44] Um,

[26:45] let's see.

[26:45] And if it was Patrick Stewart

[26:46] as like an evil therapist,

[26:48] it would be conspiracy theory

[26:50] with Mel Gibson.

Stuart Wellington

[26:52] Yes.

[26:53] And if it was

[26:54] John Lithgow,

[26:55] a guy with multiple personalities,

[26:57] it would be

[26:58] Raising Cane.

[26:59] Yeah,

[26:59] and also kind of

[27:00] Buckaroo Banzai.

[27:01] And if it wasn't a movie,

[27:03] but a chain,

[27:04] a fast food chain

[27:06] where you can buy

[27:06] chicken fingers,

[27:07] it would also be called

[27:08] Raising Cane.

[27:09] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] If it was a chain

[27:10] where you didn't get

[27:11] chicken fingers,

[27:12] but instead chicken stars,

[27:13] that would be Carl's Jr.

Stuart Wellington

[27:15] Wait,

[27:15] you get chicken stars?

[27:16] When do you go to Carl's Jr.?

[27:17] You certainly do.

[27:19] You don't get a hamburger?

Elliott Kalan

[27:20] I mean,

[27:21] you can,

[27:22] but it's not really

[27:23] the thing that

[27:23] would have segued

[27:24] from what you were

[27:25] talking about.

Stuart Wellington

[27:28] So you base your

[27:30] Carl's Jr. order

[27:31] on a comedy bit?

Elliott Kalan

[27:33] Uh,

[27:33] I mean,

[27:34] I base it on

[27:34] what my kids like to eat,

[27:36] which is chicken stars.

Stuart Wellington

[27:38] Your kids?

[27:39] They just like to eat

[27:39] chicken stars?

[27:41] Yes.

[27:43] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[27:45] Story checks out.

[27:46] So what was it?

[27:47] Some guys in jail

[27:48] and a NNN.

[27:48] They're like grilling you

Dan McCoy

[27:50] like he's the Senate.

Elliott Kalan

[27:52] He's grilling me

[27:53] like I'm a Carl's Jr.

[27:54] hamburger over here.

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] Yeah,

[27:56] I'm Katie Porter

[27:57] over here

[27:57] with a fucking whiteboard.

[27:59] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[27:59] now I gotta hold up

[28:00] my notes to show

[28:00] that I don't have any notes.

[28:02] Oh,

[28:03] there's a topical joke

[28:03] from today's news.

[28:06] Okay,

[28:06] so,

[28:07] uh,

[28:08] it's,

[28:08] he's a,

[28:08] I'm gonna say,

[28:09] uh,

[28:10] it is,

Dan McCoy

[28:12] hmm,

[28:12] the last one was not

Stuart Wellington

[28:14] Would Dan give us

[28:15] two no's in a rose?

[28:16] Possible,

[28:17] uh,

[28:17] but I think this is actually

Elliott Kalan

[28:19] Okay,

[28:20] I'll go with Stuart on this one.

[28:21] I trust his instincts.

[28:21] Jackie Chan.

Dan McCoy

[28:23] Uh,

[28:23] you guys are both correct.

[28:25] This is Jackie Chan.

[28:26] This is Police Story Lockdown,

[28:28] released in 2013.

[28:32] I haven't seen that one.

[28:33] No,

[28:34] me either.

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] I only know

[28:34] the classic police stories.

Dan McCoy

[28:36] Yeah,

[28:36] it's,

[28:37] it's a much later sequel.

[28:38] And of course,

[28:39] I got the,

Elliott Kalan

[28:39] Jackie Chan's

[28:40] LA Police Story

[28:41] featuring Steve Martin.

Dan McCoy

[28:44] Um,

[28:45] here's one for you.

[28:46] A daughter tries to remedy

[28:48] her dysfunctional relationship

[28:49] with her ailing father,

[28:51] a decorated baseball scout,

[28:53] by helping him

[28:54] in a recruiting trip,

[28:56] which could be his last.

[28:57] No,

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] that's trouble

[28:57] with the curve,

[28:58] Dan.

[28:58] That's trouble

[28:58] with the curve

[28:59] with Clint Eastwood.

[29:01] Justin Timberlake

[29:02] and what,

[29:02] Rachel,

[29:03] like Amy Adams?

[29:04] That is trouble

[29:06] with the curve.

[29:07] Don't give us

[29:07] that shit,

[29:08] Dan.

[29:09] Give us some real stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[29:15] Yeah,

[29:16] yeah.

[29:16] Next one will be like,

[29:17] a couple of dudes,

[29:18] one of whom is

[29:19] Billy Bob Thornton,

[29:20] play golf and shit.

[29:23] It's Tin Cup,

[29:24] I get it,

[29:25] dude.

[29:25] Yeah,

[29:25] it's Tin Cup,

[29:25] come on.

[29:27] All right.

[29:28] Okay,

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] there's no crying

[29:30] in this movie

[29:31] about a women's baseball team

[29:33] during World War II.

[29:34] Is Jackie Chan in it?

Stuart Wellington

[29:38] All right,

[29:38] well,

[29:38] here we go.

[29:39] It's weird that that's

[29:40] in the synopsis.

[29:42] Next,

[29:42] next,

Dan McCoy

[29:43] next movie.

[29:46] An old soldier

[29:47] kidnaps a young general

[29:50] of an enemy state

[29:51] and takes him on a long journey

[29:53] to collect the reward.

[29:56] An old soldier

[29:57] kidnaps a young general

[29:59] of an enemy state

[30:00] and takes him

[30:00] on a long journey

[30:01] to collect the reward.

[30:05] this is a Jackie Chan movie.

Elliott Kalan

[30:06] I am also,

[30:07] there's a lot of possibilities

[30:09] for action and comedy.

Dan McCoy

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:12] You're correct.

[30:12] This is a Jackie Chan movie

[30:14] called Little Big Soldier

[30:16] from 2010.

Stuart Wellington

[30:19] Well,

[30:20] you're pulling out

[30:20] a fucking lot of new shit,

[30:22] dude.

[30:22] Yeah,

[30:23] well,

[30:23] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[30:23] the thing is,

[30:24] like,

[30:24] the older stuff

[30:25] all seems pretty obviously

[30:27] changed.

[30:27] A drunken master

Elliott Kalan

[30:29] finds that he has to...

S4

[30:31] Video games.

S5

[30:36] You like them?

S4

[30:37] Maybe you wish

[30:38] you had more time for them?

[30:39] Maybe you want to know

[30:39] the best ones to play?

[30:40] Maybe you want to know

[30:41] what happens to Mario

[30:42] when he dies?

S5

[30:43] In that case,

[30:44] you should check out

[30:44] Triple Click.

[30:45] It's a podcast

[30:46] about video games.

S4

[30:48] A podcast about video games?

[30:49] But I don't have time for that.

[30:51] Sure you do.

[30:52] Once a week,

[30:53] kick back as three

[30:53] video game experts

[30:54] give you everything

[30:55] from critical takes

[30:56] on the hottest new releases

[30:57] to scoops,

[30:58] interviews,

[30:58] and explanations

[30:59] about how video games work

S5

[31:00] to fascinating

[31:01] and sometimes weird stories

[31:03] about the games we love.

S4

[31:04] Triple Click is hosted

[31:05] by me,

[31:06] Kirk Hamilton,

[31:07] me,

[31:07] Jason Shire,

S5

[31:08] and me,

[31:09] Maddie Myers.

S4

[31:09] You can find Triple Click

[31:10] wherever you get your podcasts

[31:11] and listen at

[31:12] MaximumFun.org.

[31:14] Bye!

Elliott Kalan

[31:16] Hi, I'm James,

[31:17] host of Minority Corner,

[31:19] which is a...

S4

[31:19] Podcast that's all about

[31:21] intersectionality.

[31:21] It's hosted by James

[31:22] with a guest host

[31:23] every week.

Dan McCoy

[31:24] Discussing all sorts

[31:25] of wonderful issues,

[31:26] nerdy and political.

S4

[31:28] Pop culture,

[31:29] black,

[31:29] queer,

[31:30] feminism,

[31:31] race,

[31:31] sexuality,

[31:32] news.

[31:33] You're gonna learn

[31:34] your history,

[31:35] their self-empowerment,

[31:36] and it's told by

[31:36] what feels like

[31:37] your best friend.

[31:38] Why should someone

[31:39] listen to Minority Corner?

[31:40] Why not?

[31:41] Oh my god,

[31:41] free stuff.

[31:42] There's not free stuff.

S5

[31:43] The listeners of Minority Corner

[31:44] will enjoy some necessary LOLs,

[31:46] but mainly a look at

S4

[31:47] what's happening

[31:48] in our world

[31:49] through a colorful lens.

Stuart Wellington

[31:50] People will get

[31:51] the perspective

[31:52] of marginalized communities.

S4

[31:54] I feel heard,

[31:55] I feel seen.

Stuart Wellington

[31:56] Like you said,

[31:56] you need to understand

[31:57] how to be more proactive

[31:58] in your community

[31:58] and this is a great way

[31:59] to get started.

S4

[32:00] Join us every Friday

[32:01] on MaxFun

[32:01] or wherever you get

[32:02] your podcasts.

[32:03] Minority Corner,

[32:04] because together

[32:05] we're the majority.

Dan McCoy

[32:08] This seems like an opportune time

[32:10] to talk about Stitch Fix.

[32:12] Wouldn't it be great

[32:13] if every clothing store

[32:15] you shopped at

[32:16] had only your size,

[32:18] what styles you like,

[32:20] and at the price you want?

[32:22] Stitch Fix is a personal

[32:24] styling company

[32:25] that makes getting

[32:25] the clothes you love

[32:27] effortless.

[32:28] To get started,

[32:29] go to stitchfix.com

[32:31] slash flophouse

[32:32] to set up your profile

[32:34] and they'll deliver

[32:35] great looks personalized

[32:36] just for you

[32:38] in your colors,

[32:39] styles,

[32:40] and budget.

[32:42] You pay a $20

[32:43] styling fee

[32:44] for each fix,

[32:46] which is credited

[32:46] toward anything you keep.

[32:49] Schedule it anytime.

[32:50] There's no subscription required.

[32:52] Plus,

[32:53] shipping,

[32:53] returns,

[32:54] and exchanges

[32:55] are easy

[32:56] and free.

[32:58] Elliot,

[32:58] did you use Stitch Fix?

[32:59] Are you the one

[33:01] amongst us

[33:02] who are familiar

[33:03] with Stitch Fix?

Elliott Kalan

[33:04] My wife used Stitch Fix

[33:06] for quite a long time

[33:07] and has been

[33:08] wanting to re-sign up.

[33:10] When we were moving,

[33:12] she paused hers

[33:14] for a little bit

[33:15] because she didn't

[33:16] want to miss any

[33:17] and she has to

[33:18] restart it again.

[33:18] But yeah,

[33:19] she was very happy

[33:20] with a lot of the clothes

[33:20] she got from Stitch Fix

[33:21] and wears them

[33:22] to this very day.

Stuart Wellington

[33:24] I could kind of use

[33:25] a personal shopper.

[33:26] I feel like my clothing

[33:27] is basically like,

[33:29] I don't know,

[33:30] like a 14-year-old boy

[33:31] who doesn't have

[33:32] parents around.

[33:34] Basically,

[33:35] I dress like

[33:35] the older brother

[33:36] in Don't Tell Mom

[33:37] the Babysitter's Dead.

Dan McCoy

[33:38] You're the stylish

[33:39] one of all of us.

[33:40] I mean,

[33:40] part of it is because

[33:41] you're the handsome one

[33:42] so you can pull off

[33:43] any clothes you choose

[33:44] to wear.

[33:45] But you got a lot

[33:47] of personal style.

[33:49] I have personal style too,

[33:51] but it's,

[33:51] you know,

[33:51] adjunct English professor.

[33:54] Yeah,

[33:54] it's Wonder Boys.

[33:55] Yeah.

[33:56] But,

[33:56] hey,

[33:57] if you're interested.

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] And my dressing style

[33:59] is usually,

[34:00] what can I put on

[34:00] in the four minutes

[34:01] I have before a child

[34:02] bursts into the room

[34:04] and starts laughing

[34:05] at my penis?

[34:06] Yeah.

[34:08] You got to cover.

Dan McCoy

[34:10] It's like armor.

[34:12] The greatest fear.

[34:14] Call to action.

[34:15] Get started today

[34:16] at stitchfix.com.

[34:19] Sorry,

[34:19] get started today

[34:20] at sticks,

[34:20] sticksfix.

[34:23] fix.

[34:23] Your way to get

[34:24] across the river sticks.

[34:26] Pixiestix.com.

[34:27] Get started today

[34:28] at stitchfix.com

[34:33] and you'll get

[34:34] 25% off

[34:36] when you keep

[34:36] everything

[34:37] in your fix.

[34:39] That's stitchfix.com

[34:42] for 25% off

[34:44] when you keep

[34:45] everything in your fix.

[34:48] stitchfix.com

[34:50] slash flophouse.

[34:52] They made me say it thrice

[34:54] and it nearly killed me.

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] Yeah, I mean,

[34:57] I was just amazed

[34:58] that you could get it out

[34:58] that many times

[34:59] with a...

[35:00] I started seeing

Stuart Wellington

[35:01] your head overheat

[35:02] a little bit

[35:03] while you were doing it

[35:04] and Steam started

[35:04] shooting out your ears

[35:05] like when I'm running

[35:07] too many programs

[35:08] on my laptop.

Elliott Kalan

[35:09] Let's return to the game.

[35:11] Wait, Steam shoots

[35:12] out of your ears, Stuart,

[35:13] when the laptop's

[35:14] running too many programs?

[35:15] Yeah, that's the thing

[35:16] because I get so mad at it.

Stuart Wellington

[35:17] I'm like,

[35:18] stop it.

[35:19] Slow down.

[35:20] Slow down.

Dan McCoy

[35:21] So here's a movie

[35:24] for you

[35:25] and you can tell me

[35:25] whether Jackie Chan

[35:27] has ended it or not.

[35:28] Sure.

[35:28] A bespectacled

[35:29] milquetoast bookkeeper

[35:31] loves his pet fish

[35:34] so much

[35:34] that he longs

[35:35] to be one.

[35:37] When Henry's wish

[35:37] comes true

[35:38] and he's turned

[35:39] into a talking fish,

[35:40] the simple ocean life

[35:42] he'd envisioned

[35:43] proves more exciting

[35:44] than mundane.

[35:46] Dan,

[35:46] is that the incredible

[35:47] Mr. Limpet?

[35:47] That is the incredible

[35:49] Mr. Limpet

[35:50] from 1964.

[35:50] So there's no Jackie Chan

[35:51] on that.

Elliott Kalan

[35:52] There's the American

[35:53] Jackie Chan Don Knotts

[35:54] who never had the chance

[35:55] to show off his martial arts

[35:56] chops on film.

[35:57] Yeah.

[35:59] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] Well, okay.

[36:00] This one will...

[36:01] But if he reads

[36:02] the screenplay

[36:03] I'm sending him,

[36:04] maybe he will.

[36:05] Stuart,

Elliott Kalan

[36:06] I have some bad news

[36:06] for you.

[36:07] Go on.

[36:09] Don Knotts

[36:10] is no longer making films

[36:11] for reasons

[36:11] we'll get into

[36:12] off the...

[36:13] Fuck.

[36:15] They should have

[36:15] made him one

[36:16] where he was

[36:16] a martial arts master

[36:17] and it was like

[36:17] he'll try you up

[36:19] in knots.

[36:20] Don Knotts

[36:21] is Mr. Knotts.

Stuart Wellington

[36:24] Stop quoting

[36:25] my screenplay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] Okay, so this...

Stuart Wellington

[36:30] Because that's...

[36:30] The screenplay

[36:31] usually features

[36:32] the tagline

[36:33] from the poster.

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] In the screenplay.

[36:35] Yeah, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[36:36] This next one

[36:36] will surely stump you.

Elliott Kalan

[36:38] Oh, speaking of taglines

[36:39] I had to look this up

[36:40] for work recently.

[36:41] Did you know

[36:41] Dr. Giggles

[36:42] they tried to have it

[36:43] both ways.

[36:44] They used both

[36:44] the doctor is insane

[36:46] and the doctor is out

[36:48] of his mind

[36:48] as taglines

[36:49] make up your mind

[36:50] Dr. Giggles

[36:51] are you in

[36:52] or are you out?

Stuart Wellington

[36:54] Yeah, yeah.

[36:55] Do they try

[36:56] and get both of those

[36:58] what, copywritten?

[37:00] I assume, yeah.

[37:00] And the copyright office

[37:01] is like

[37:02] oh, I don't think so

[37:04] not so fast

[37:04] Dr. Giggles.

[37:05] Doesn't work.

Elliott Kalan

[37:06] Also, there's a

[37:06] there's a cat in the hat

[37:08] TV show

[37:08] that my children like now

[37:09] and there's a doctor

[37:10] on it called

[37:10] Dr. Giggles

[37:11] and I'm always like

[37:12] no, don't go in there.

Stuart Wellington

[37:14] Yeah, yeah, watch out.

[37:15] He's out of his mind.

[37:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:17] And he's insane.

Dan McCoy

[37:19] So, in this movie

[37:21] four relentless

[37:23] door-to-door salesmen

[37:24] deal with constant rejection

[37:26] homesickness

[37:28] and inevitable burnout

[37:30] as they go across the country

[37:32] selling very expensive

[37:34] Bibles

[37:35] to low-income

[37:36] Catholic families.

Elliott Kalan

[37:37] Okay, so this is

[37:38] Salesman

[37:39] the documentary

[37:40] The Maisel's Brothers

Dan McCoy

[37:42] documentary

[37:43] 1969

[37:44] As much as I would love it

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] if a young Jackie Chan

[37:48] showed up in the background

[37:49] at the

[37:50] at one of the conventions

[37:51] where the salesmen meet

Dan McCoy

[37:52] There's

[37:53] nary a Jackie Chan

[37:54] to be found

[37:55] in Salesman

[37:56] The Maisel's Brothers

[37:57] harrowing documentary

[37:59] Okay, alright, alright, alright

[38:02] We're doing pretty good, Elliot

[38:04] Yeah, we're doing pretty good

[38:05] Excellent

[38:06] Um

[38:07] Former CIA spy

[38:09] Bob Ho

[38:10] takes on his toughest

[38:12] assignment to date

[38:13] looking after his girlfriend's

[38:15] three kids

[38:16] who haven't exactly

[38:18] warmed to their mom's beau

[38:20] When one of the youngsters

[38:22] accidentally downloads

[38:23] a top-secret formula

[38:25] Bob's longtime nemesis

[38:27] a Russian terrorist

[38:29] pays a visit to the family

Elliott Kalan

[38:31] So that's the Jackie Chan movie

[38:33] It's what, like

[38:34] The Spy Next Door

[38:34] or The Spy Sitter

[38:35] or something like that

[38:36] Yeah, that is

[38:37] I think that's right

Dan McCoy

[38:38] The Spy Next Door

[38:38] from 2010

Elliott Kalan

[38:40] I remember seeing

[38:41] the subway ads

[38:42] That was during the period

[38:44] where every

Stuart Wellington

[38:44] Was that one where he's like

[38:45] hanging from

[38:46] from like ropes

[38:47] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[38:48] He's hanging from ropes

[38:49] Mission Impossible style

[38:50] and he's got a look

[38:50] on his face like

[38:51] oh boy

[38:52] and the kids are looking

[38:53] at him like

[38:53] what's this doofus doing

[38:55] and then

[38:55] It's kind of crazy

Stuart Wellington

[38:56] how influential

[38:58] that one scene

[38:59] from De Palma's

[39:01] Mission Impossible

[39:03] was, right?

[39:03] That's true

[39:03] Yeah

[39:04] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[39:04] Really is true

[39:06] Especially considering

[39:07] that like

[39:08] I, like

[39:11] it is definitely

[39:11] not the best

[39:12] Mission Impossible movie

[39:13] it is not the best

[39:14] De Palma movie

[39:14] but somehow

[39:15] like the two of them

[39:16] crossing together

[39:17] It is the best

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] Brian De Palma

[39:19] Mission Impossible movie though

[39:20] It is

[39:21] I didn't say that

[39:21] You gotta admit that

[39:22] That is true

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] Brian De Palma's

[39:24] Mission Impossible 2

[39:25] directed by John Woo

[39:27] was a little bit worse

[39:29] Yeah

[39:29] I didn't say it was the worst

[39:31] I'm just

[39:32] But I, I mean

[39:33] I feel like

[39:34] despite the

[39:35] the higher level

[39:36] quality

[39:37] in all the

[39:37] in the

[39:38] in some of the other

[39:39] Mission Impossible movies

[39:40] I don't think any of them

[39:42] have like

[39:43] one scene

[39:44] that was that

[39:45] iconic

[39:46] No, that's true

[39:47] The other movies

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] I mean the last three

[39:49] undeniably

[39:50] are far better

[39:52] than the

[39:52] the first movies

[39:53] but yeah

[39:54] they don't have anything that

[39:55] no matter how great

[39:56] the sequences are

[39:57] there's like

[39:57] nothing in them

[39:57] that is quite as

[39:58] immediately iconic

[39:59] as that

[40:00] Yeah

[40:00] Just hit it at the right time

[40:02] People were ready for a movie

[40:03] where a guy was suspended

[40:04] from something

Dan McCoy

[40:04] Yep

[40:05] trying to keep his sweat

[40:07] off the floor

[40:08] Yeah

[40:09] Remember back in

[40:10] the 90s

[40:11] when everyone was trying

[40:11] to keep their sweat

[40:12] off the floor

[40:13] That was 90s, right?

[40:14] Or was that

[40:15] early 2000s?

Elliott Kalan

[40:16] It was certainly

[40:16] the pre-Skeet era

[40:17] when sweat

[40:18] just dripped everywhere

[40:19] and no one cared anymore

[40:20] you know

Dan McCoy

[40:21] Okay, so this next movie

[40:23] It's a high-kicking battle

[40:25] on the dark side

[40:26] when an ace vampire slayer

[40:29] and his beautiful sidekicks

[40:30] wage the ultimate

[40:32] martial arts showdown

[40:33] with one of the most dangerous

[40:35] of the undead

[40:36] Dracula?

Stuart Wellington

[40:40] I mean, what's

[40:41] I don't

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] Has Jackie Chan done any

[40:46] like vampire movies

[40:48] or monster movies?

[40:49] I'm trying to think of it

[40:50] I can't

Stuart Wellington

[40:51] I mean, there's been monsters

[40:52] in some of his movies

[40:53] but I don't think

[40:56] this is Jackie

[40:57] I don't think Jackie Chan

[40:58] is in this one

[40:58] I don't think so either

[40:59] I'm going to say no

[41:01] this is not a Jackie Chan movie

[41:02] Prove me wrong

Dan McCoy

[41:04] This actually is a Jackie Chan movie

[41:07] This is called

[41:08] The Twins Effect

[41:10] from 2003

[41:13] 2003

Stuart Wellington

[41:14] 2003 is what we usually say

Dan McCoy

[41:16] That's what we say

[41:17] I'm going to run out

[41:18] and go watch that shit

[41:19] It sounds great

[41:20] It's called

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

[41:25] It's named after

[41:27] the baseball team

[41:28] They find that

Elliott Kalan

[41:31] fans of the Minnesota Twins

[41:33] are turning into vampires

[41:34] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[41:34] Wade Boggs

[41:36] is apparently

[41:36] the vampire

[41:37] Count Wade, you'll have

[41:39] Yeah, sure

Dan McCoy

[41:40] Okay

[41:41] moving into the end game

[41:44] here

[41:44] we're getting closer

[41:45] and closer

Elliott Kalan

[41:46] Avengers Endgame

[41:47] no, Jackie Chan

[41:48] is not in that

Dan McCoy

[41:48] Yeah

[41:49] So this

[41:50] we've got

[41:51] one, two, three

[41:52] four, five movies left

[41:54] We'll speed through them

[41:56] Okay

[41:56] A former

[41:58] A former

[41:59] Vaudevillian

[42:00] befriends a young

[42:02] runaway

[42:02] who is being chased

[42:04] by drug dealers

[42:05] Sure, that's a Jackie Chan movie

Stuart Wellington

[42:16] What do you think, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] I'm going to say no

[42:18] not a Jackie Chan movie

Stuart Wellington

[42:20] Okay

[42:20] Who gets the point?

Dan McCoy

[42:22] It is not a Jackie Chan movie

[42:24] This is

[42:25] Just You and Me, Kid

[42:27] from 1979

[42:28] with the

[42:30] classic comedy team

[42:31] of George Burns

[42:33] and Brooke Shields

[42:34] a very young

[42:35] Brooke Shields

[42:36] is in this movie

Stuart Wellington

[42:37] I get George Burns

[42:38] and Jackie Chan

[42:40] confused all the time

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] You mentioned

[42:41] Oh God, You Devil

[42:42] earlier

[42:42] Yeah

[42:43] So you're saying

[42:44] Brooke Shields

[42:45] doesn't play

[42:45] the old Vaudevillian

[42:46] and George Burns

[42:48] doesn't play

[42:49] the young kid

[42:50] on the run

[42:50] from drug dealers

[42:51] What made me think

[42:53] was I was like

[42:53] Jackie Chan

[42:54] wouldn't have been

[42:54] in like Vaudeville

[42:55] They didn't

[42:56] You know

[42:57] He came from

[42:57] the Chinese

[42:58] acrobatics

[42:59] and opera scene

[43:00] But

[43:00] I just assumed

Stuart Wellington

[43:02] it was a mistake

[43:03] on the part

[43:04] of the person

[43:05] writing the description

[43:06] You know what

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] I didn't even

[43:06] factor that in

[43:07] You're right

[43:07] I'd like to

[43:08] change my answer

[43:08] Dan and say

[43:09] it is a Jackie Chan movie

[43:10] Well

[43:11] Does that change

Stuart Wellington

[43:12] the results?

[43:13] Now you're both wrong

Elliott Kalan

[43:14] Is it like

[43:14] the Prisoners Dilemma

[43:15] and now you have

[43:16] to let us both go?

[43:17] No, you can't change it

Stuart Wellington

[43:18] Yeah, I think that's

[43:18] the only right option

Elliott Kalan

[43:19] So, moving on

[43:20] Is it like

[43:22] the Spanish Prisoner

[43:23] where you're like

[43:23] that's a cool movie

[43:24] and then you think

[43:24] about it and you're like

[43:25] what was that movie about?

Stuart Wellington

[43:27] Yeah

[43:27] Is it like Prisoners

[43:28] where you're like

[43:29] I think this is a good movie

[43:32] It's really rainy

Dan McCoy

[43:34] It is very rainy

[43:36] More rain means better movie

[43:37] An ancient American Indian

[43:40] burial ground

[43:41] is threatened

[43:42] by an evil

[43:43] real estate developer

[43:45] when the owner

[43:46] of the land

[43:46] who runs a local

[43:48] off-road Jeep tour company

[43:50] has trouble

[43:51] with his business

[43:52] his beautiful niece

[43:54] and her crew

[43:55] of beautiful friends

[43:56] take over the Jeep tours

[43:58] and attract business

[43:59] and save the day

[44:00] the old-fashioned way

[44:01] by taking off their tops

[44:03] during the tours

[44:04] they're leading

[44:05] So, I think Dan

[44:06] wrote this summary

[44:07] Elliot

[44:09] Yes?

Stuart Wellington

[44:11] Elliot, I'm really nervous

[44:12] that if we say

[44:13] Jackie Chan isn't in this

[44:14] Dan's gonna blow

[44:15] our fucking minds

[44:16] and that it turns out

[44:17] he was actually

[44:18] in the Great Bikini

[44:19] Off-Road Adventure

[44:20] No, there's only one

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] Asian character

[44:23] It is the tourist photographer

[44:25] who's obsessed

[44:25] with that one girl's boobs

[44:26] Jackie Chan is not

[44:30] right, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[44:31] No, you're correct

[44:33] That is the Great Bikini

[44:35] from 1994

[44:37] but Jackie Chan

[44:38] is not in it

Elliott Kalan

[44:39] It's a bit much

[44:40] to say a crew of friends

[44:41] There's only like

[44:42] three people, right?

[44:43] So, one woman

[44:45] and two friends

Stuart Wellington

[44:45] When people ask me

[44:47] about the podcast

[44:48] I'm like

[44:48] yeah, me and the crew

[44:49] are doing it

[44:50] every two weeks

[44:50] Okay, that's fair

[44:52] Okay

Dan McCoy

[44:53] Just three more

[44:55] When a rookie filmmaker

[44:57] with the unfortunate name

[44:59] Alan Smithy

[45:00] realizes he's an unwitting

[45:02] studio puppet

[45:04] being forced to make

[45:05] big budget action movie

[45:07] he knows is horrible

[45:08] he steals the master reels

[45:10] and tries to make a deal

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] Okay, so that's

[45:13] Burn Hollywood Burn

[45:14] starring Eric Idle

[45:15] but is Jackie Chan in it?

[45:18] Right, Dan?

[45:18] That's the movie?

[45:20] Mm-hmm

[45:20] But it's not a movie

[45:22] I've seen

[45:22] different than

[45:24] The Great Bikini

[45:25] which apparently

[45:25] I've seen too many times

[45:27] But I'm gonna say

[45:31] there are celebrity cameos

[45:33] in that movie

[45:34] I think, right?

[45:36] I don't think he's in it

Dan McCoy

[45:38] Okay, I'm gonna say

[45:38] no, he's not in it

[45:39] Unfortunately, Jackie Chan

[45:42] is in

[45:42] Jesus Christ

[45:44] Alan Smithy's film

[45:45] Burn Hollywood Burn

[45:46] He's probably playing himself, right?

[45:50] Yes, he's playing Jackie Chan

[45:52] Oh

[45:52] Okay

[45:53] That was the loophole

[45:54] He got us with a Chan hole

[45:55] Getting down to the wire

[45:58] The original characters

[45:59] Here's one for you

[46:00] Down to the wire

Elliott Kalan

[46:00] Wait, is this a timed match?

[46:01] I don't understand

[46:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah

Dan McCoy

[46:03] This is

[46:03] Alright

[46:04] Here's a synopsis

[46:07] from the cannonball run

[46:09] race across the country

[46:11] once more

[46:12] in various cars and trucks

[46:14] That's the synopsis

[46:16] In various cars

[46:18] They're not all in one car

[46:20] from the cannonball run

[46:22] race across the country

[46:24] once more

[46:25] in various cars and trucks

Elliott Kalan

[46:27] Now that's clearly

[46:28] Schindler's list

[46:29] which I don't believe

[46:30] Jackie Chan is in

[46:31] No

[46:33] That's cannonball run 2

[46:35] I'm guessing

[46:36] Which is Jackie Chan, right?

Dan McCoy

[46:40] Jackie Chan is in

[46:42] Yeah

[46:42] Cannonball run 2

[46:43] Alright, final question

[46:46] for the evening

[46:46] Oh, when you said

[46:47] down to the wire

[46:48] I thought that was

[46:49] the final question

Elliott Kalan

[46:49] No, no, no

[46:50] Just one more

[46:51] Stuart, this is gonna be

[46:52] the part where

[46:53] Jackie Chan comes out

[46:54] It's gonna be amazing

[46:55] Yeah

[46:55] Like the Jackie Chan

[46:57] One of the legends

[46:58] of not just action films

[47:00] but also comedy films

[47:02] One of the true

[47:03] physical poets

[47:04] of the screen

[47:05] I mean, one of the

Stuart Wellington

[47:06] biggest movie stars

[47:07] of all time

Elliott Kalan

[47:07] One of the biggest movie stars

[47:08] of all time

[47:09] Richly deserving

[47:10] of the Lifetime Achievement Oscar

[47:12] that he got a few years ago

[47:13] You can draw a direct line

[47:14] from Buster Keaton

[47:15] through Fred Astaire

[47:16] straight to Jackie Chan

[47:18] in terms of

[47:19] just being so in control

[47:20] of your own body

[47:21] and also seeing the potential

[47:22] in the objects around you

[47:24] Yeah

[47:24] as extensions

[47:25] of that body

[47:26] and things to both play

[47:27] and interact

[47:28] and dance

[47:28] and fight with

[47:29] So I cannot wait

[47:30] till this guy comes out

[47:31] and just like

[47:31] wows us

[47:32] I'm gonna say

Stuart Wellington

[47:32] probably as complicated

[47:33] politics

[47:34] that I don't really understand

[47:36] because I'm both dumb

[47:37] and drunk

[47:38] I mean, that's something

Elliott Kalan

[47:40] that we need

[47:41] I mean, he's not

[47:41] he's not American

[47:42] you know, he has his own

[47:44] perspective on things

[47:45] and he's had to work

[47:46] within a very specific

[47:47] filmmaking culture

[47:48] and political framework

[47:49] for quite some time

[47:50] True, yeah

[47:50] So, Dan

[47:51] with all that in mind

[47:53] please surprise us

[47:55] with Jackie Chan

[47:56] Hey, it's me

Dan McCoy

[47:58] Jackie Chan

[47:59] poet of the screen

[48:00] So, this last movie

[48:03] John has inherited

[48:05] a castle in Italy

[48:07] and he moves there

[48:08] with his wife Susan

[48:09] and their blind daughter Rebecca

[48:12] What they don't realize

[48:13] is that there's someone else

[48:15] in the castle

[48:16] Yeah

[48:16] An abused child

[48:18] left to die in the basement

[48:19] who has now become

[48:21] the castle freak

Stuart Wellington

[48:22] and is out to wreak havoc

Dan McCoy

[48:25] What movie is this?

[48:27] Now, there's no way of knowing

[48:29] Is Jackie Chan in it?

Stuart Wellington

[48:29] That's not Operation Condor 2

[48:31] No

[48:32] No

[48:33] No, that's not

[48:34] Did...

[48:35] Wait, Elliot

[48:35] I wasn't paying attention

[48:36] Did they say that the castle

[48:38] was in the Bronx?

Elliott Kalan

[48:39] No

[48:39] But it did...

[48:41] I don't believe it was in England

[48:41] so it's probably not Shanghai Nights

Stuart Wellington

[48:43] No

[48:44] Now, do they go to Italy

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] and around the world

[48:47] in 80 days?

Stuart Wellington

[48:49] That's a good question

[48:50] I don't know

[48:52] Does...

[48:54] Is there a Susan?

[48:55] I mean, Jackie Chan

[48:56] isn't often married

[48:57] in movies he's in

[48:58] It could be Michelle Yeoh

[49:00] Yeah

[49:01] I mean, what a pair

[49:03] They're amazing

[49:04] Yeah

[49:04] I don't...

[49:06] I'm kind of stumped, guys

[49:08] I'm gonna say

[49:10] Jackie Chan

[49:11] is not in this movie

Elliott Kalan

[49:13] I'm gonna go with Stuart

[49:15] I feel like he's probably got

[49:16] a sixth sense

[49:17] about this film

[49:18] He said as if that was a pun

[49:20] Wait!

[49:20] He was in the sixth sense?

[49:21] Wait!

[49:22] Yeah, yeah

[49:23] That was a

[49:24] Haley Jackie Chan Osment

[49:26] in the sixth sense

Dan McCoy

[49:27] You're correct

[49:29] Jackie Chan is not in the movie

[49:31] That is, of course

[49:32] Castle Freak

[49:33] from 1995

[49:35] Oh, right

Stuart Wellington

[49:36] I've definitely seen that movie

Dan McCoy

[49:38] So

[49:40] you guys did pretty well overall

[49:42] You got a full 13 out of 17

[49:45] questions correct

[49:47] Yeah

[49:48] The times that you split

[49:49] cancel each other's out

[49:50] Did you count that first

Elliott Kalan

[49:53] that first point we got

[49:54] before the game started?

Dan McCoy

[49:55] Oh, okay

[49:55] So, well, then you got

[49:56] 14 out of 17

[49:58] with that bonus

[49:59] So

[50:00] you know you're Jackie Chan

[50:01] and the thing is

[50:02] I gotta say

[50:03] I had this premise

[50:04] I thought it was pretty funny

[50:06] Um

[50:07] Uh-huh

[50:07] Yeah, go on

[50:09] Audrey actually suggested this to me

[50:11] I'm like, yes

[50:12] I'm doing it

[50:13] It's happening

[50:13] And then I started looking into it

[50:15] and

[50:16] it's pretty obvious

[50:17] what movie Jackie Chan

[50:19] is in, guys

[50:20] Unless I wanted to be

[50:21] really boring

[50:22] and just describe

[50:23] a bunch of kung fu movies

[50:24] like you're gonna get

[50:26] whether Jackie Chan's

[50:27] in the movie or not

[50:28] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[50:28] But

[50:28] But look

[50:30] we all had fun here tonight

[50:31] We could

[50:31] We could make a home game

[50:33] of this

[50:33] Yeah, Dan

[50:34] with some Rice-A-Roni

[50:35] the San Francisco treat

[50:36] Yeah, I mean

[50:37] usually you don't

[50:38] you don't get

Elliott Kalan

[50:38] Rice-A-Roni

[50:39] for winning the home game

[50:40] but, uh, you know

[50:42] Uh-huh

[50:43] Now

Stuart Wellington

[50:43] Now, Dan

[50:45] why do you feel

[50:46] the need to apologize

[50:47] for your game?

[50:48] I thought it was pretty funny

[50:48] I feel like that you need to justify

Elliott Kalan

[50:50] what we did tonight

Stuart Wellington

[50:51] Yeah, do you think

[50:53] Steve Harvey comes out

[50:54] on Family Feud

[50:55] and he's like

[50:56] that was fun, right guys?

[50:58] No, I don't feel the need

[50:59] At the end of every Jeopardy

Elliott Kalan

[51:00] Alex Trebek comes out

[51:01] and goes like

[51:02] you enjoyed yourself

[51:03] didn't you?

[51:04] I mean, was this

[51:05] this wasn't a waste

[51:06] of your time, right?

Dan McCoy

[51:07] I don't feel the need

[51:08] but it is

[51:09] I did think it was interesting

[51:10] to see the conceptual curve

[51:13] let's say

[51:13] of this premise

[51:15] where I was just like

[51:16] oh, this is

[51:17] this is a fun premise

[51:18] let's see what happens

[51:19] can I actually fool them?

[51:21] Oh, no

[51:21] I have to lean into the fact

[51:23] that there's no way

[51:24] to fool you

Elliott Kalan

[51:25] I mean, there's a couple

[51:26] that we didn't know

[51:27] about that vampire one, right?

[51:28] Yeah, that's true

[51:29] Yeah, we didn't know that one

[51:30] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[51:30] We thought Jackie Chan

[51:33] might have been in

[51:33] First Reformed

[51:34] Remember when we

[51:35] made that mess up?

[51:37] That whoopsie

[51:37] Would have been a very

Elliott Kalan

[51:39] different movie

[51:40] Classic goof

[51:40] Now, what would happen

[51:41] if you took all

[51:42] Ethan Hawke out of all

[51:43] of his movies

[51:43] and put Jackie Chan in?

[51:44] Jackie Chan's in Gattaca

[51:46] Jackie Chan's in Before Midnight

[51:47] Jackie Chan's

Stuart Wellington

[51:49] Jackie Chan's in Daybreakers

[51:50] Jackie Chan's in Boyhood

Elliott Kalan

[51:54] I don't know that

[51:55] that one would change that much

Stuart Wellington

[51:56] That would have been

[51:57] really awesome

[51:58] Yeah, I think that

Dan McCoy

[52:03] you know

[52:03] it is either

[52:05] good

[52:07] or a lateral

[52:08] but different move

[52:09] like wildly different move

[52:11] To put you in place

[52:13] Ethan on the Jackie Chan

[52:13] Yeah, exactly

[52:15] Okay

Elliott Kalan

[52:17] Well, we'll see

Dan McCoy

[52:18] They bring different skill sets

[52:19] is what I'm trying to say

Elliott Kalan

[52:20] Well, this is your mission now

[52:22] so make it happen

[52:23] Alright, well guys

Dan McCoy

[52:26] that was

[52:27] was Jackie Chan

[52:30] in this movie

[52:30] As always

[52:32] you know, write in

[52:33] see if you can get a copy

[52:34] of the home game

[52:34] Yeah

[52:36] I appreciate that

[52:37] you guys went along

[52:39] with me on this

[52:40] nonsense road

[52:41] and we'll be back

[52:42] with a normal show

[52:43] next week

[52:45] but until then

[52:46] I've been Dan McCoy

Stuart Wellington

[52:47] I'm Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

[52:49] I'm Ellie Kaelin

[52:51] Before we go

[52:51] I just want to remind everybody

[52:53] that we have our live show

[52:54] on October 24th

[52:56] on the Flophouse YouTube page

[52:58] that's 6pm Pacific Time

[53:00] 9pm Eastern

[53:01] on October 24th

[53:02] one week before Halloween

[53:03] where we will be

[53:04] talking live

[53:05] and doing presentations

[53:06] and stuff

[53:07] for charity

[53:07] as we did with

[53:08] the Howard the Duck show

[53:09] this time it is

[53:09] The Exorcist Part 2

[53:11] The Heretic

[53:12] and that should be

[53:14] a lot of fun

Stuart Wellington

[53:15] Yeah

[53:16] and people who contribute

[53:18] to charities

[53:18] that are listed

[53:20] on our website

[53:21] will be entered

[53:22] into a drawing

[53:22] for some fun

[53:23] Flophouse merch

[53:24] and some cool prizes

[53:25] and stuff

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] So join us for that

[53:27] but until then

[53:28] I'm Elliot Kaelin

[53:29] and not Jackie Chan

[53:31] or am I?

Stuart Wellington

[53:33] Oh I can't believe

[53:34] he did that

[53:35] Goodnight everyone

[53:37] MaximumFun.org

S4

[53:44] Comedy and culture

S6

[53:46] Artist owned

[53:47] Audience supported

FH Mini 16 - Jackie Chan?

Transcript

In this episode

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