FH Mini 18 - Rattlesnake!

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] uh okay hey it's me steward wellington the flop house podcast now normally on this podcast we

[0:10] watch a bad movie then talk about it but tonight oh you're in for a treat we're not doing anything

[0:14] movie related at all oh uh just to let you know i'm steward wellington uh i'm dan mccoy i guess

Elliott Kalan

[0:21] i'm ellie kalen just just astonished at how smooth and professional steward is as a host

[0:26] right out of the box don't know why this is really the first time he's doing this since he's

Stuart Wellington

[0:32] really got the gams you know somehow yeah i don't know you know i think it's beginner's luck okay uh

[0:39] so tonight instead of uh watching a bad movie and talking about it i am going to introduce you two

[0:45] fellows my co-hosts to a little book that i wrote when i was a child an age i don't know nor is there

[0:52] any mention of how old i am uh a book called rattlesnake i just texted you the cover now this

[0:59] is a original work of fiction by me that is accompanied by illustrations now those illustrations

[1:05] i will be sending you over the course of the uh book as i read it out loud to you feel free to make uh

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] constructive comments if you wish i love so here on the cover it's a flag that it's a little wavy but

[1:16] you can tell that it says don't tread on me i'm gonna give you a little one topical love it it's

[1:21] really tapping into the political uh divisibility of our times two tread is spelled wrong i'm gonna

[1:27] chalk that up to your age at the time which is i am assuming younger than 15 but i will say the one

Dan McCoy

[1:35] thing i wanted to say is very legible writing which is not true of many children yes and i like the logo

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] the rattlesnake logo which looks like it's made out of wood doesn't necessarily look like a snake but it

[1:46] does look like a flintstones type thing which i like yeah i don't know are those you think those

Stuart Wellington

[1:50] are speed lines or those scales yeah i will i will say that you got you know that's just sort of a

Dan McCoy

[1:56] bubble lettering you're there's not a lot of consistently consistency to the whatever font you're

[2:01] you're trying to get across here but uh but it's good it's good it's it's very clear yeah yeah i was just

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] talking talking with somebody about how uh doing like an animal print or an animal pattern is harder

[2:13] than you would think because it has to be like both natural natural and also like a little bit

[2:18] like asymmetrical you know what i mean and i think that's what i was trying to go for here obviously

[2:23] you know uh i guess it's up to the audience to decide how well uh i achieved my goal so let's dig

[2:29] into this now this is a not a particularly long book i think it is wait oh six pages there's a

[2:38] seventh page with a number there is nothing on that page so that's why your reach exceeded your

[2:44] grasp the future is unwritten sure sure yeah i just i want to mention that sarah connor told you that

Elliott Kalan

[2:52] one right for uh i just i want to uh mention for the record uh my son sammy's book the mystery of

[2:58] the sinky cheese which unfortunately will be the the ending will be untold on this podcast uh nine

[3:04] pages so i'm not saying that my son is smarter than you steward i'm merely saying he has more story

Dan McCoy

[3:09] to tell i mean longer the book the better right for a child's endeavor a nine page book might as well

[3:16] be war and peace i have to say that's a lot of commitment okay so let us begin the tale of

Stuart Wellington

[3:24] rattlesnake one cool fall morning an eastern diamondback rattlesnake inched toward his prey

[3:32] his prey was a mouse that was making a breakfast of seeds and nuts that fell from a tree getting just

[3:40] close enough to strike the rattlesnake slowly rears its head back in strike position now okay i mean

Dan McCoy

[3:48] just off the bat there are a couple things that occur to me number one strike position seems like

[3:53] a very steward like uh turn of phrase like even at this young age you had a real personality i like

Elliott Kalan

[4:01] i like that that you've you've uh i guess mimicked the stream of consciousness thinking of the rattlesnake

[4:06] by running two different sentences getting just close enough to strike and the rattlesnake slowly

[4:11] rears its head back in strike position into one sentence reading getting just close enough to strike the

[4:15] rattlesnake slowly rears its head back in strike position which made me think the mouse was about

[4:19] to strike the rattlesnake at first but then oh no no no finish that sentence yeah i mean that's

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] your uh it's a twisted tale that this that rattlesnake weaves now i like i like also that you

[4:31] explained the origin of the mouse's breakfast that is clearly was bothering me at the time well he

[4:37] says he's to make sure that the that i didn't break the illusion of reality well you're a little i

Dan McCoy

[4:41] liked that he's you say he was making a breakfast of seeds and nuts rather than having a breakfast

[4:47] of seeds and nuts i mean like you know neither one is more correct than the other and i think making

[4:51] is a more unique turn of phrase well i like just mentioning that that it came from it fell off a

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] tree because that means we don't have to worry about a prequel to rattlesnake that explains the

Stuart Wellington

[5:01] origin of that breakfast i just want to note there is no there is no tree depicted in the

[5:07] illustration well let's move on to the illustration yeah yeah uh now so this rattlesnake looks a

Dan McCoy

[5:12] little bit kind of like one of those it looks more like a sock puppet kind of than a than a snake

[5:18] but um there's something kind of Cecil the sea serpent about him yeah yeah i'd like just as as

Elliott Kalan

[5:24] mentioned it is the morning the sun is rising in the distance over the horizon line and uh the

[5:29] rattlesnake is positioned between what might be two mini volcanoes they could be two garbage bags uh

[5:35] yeah i thought it was garbage bags yeah because there's two leaves that are either hanging in

[5:39] midair or somewhere on the ground behind the rattlesnake yeah there's a lot of symmetry here

Dan McCoy

[5:43] there's two two what i assumed were rocks twin peaks if you will and then two leaves falling from the

Elliott Kalan

[5:50] sky uh and then a little little mouse and and the rattlesnake's tail uh unlike a normal uh

[5:57] traditional rattle which tapers is just kind of a uniform thickness like a pencil eraser or perhaps an

Dan McCoy

[6:03] uncircumcised penis it looks like a gray marshmallow but it is a nice picture you know yeah oh thank you

Stuart Wellington

[6:11] it's a good snake it's got personality number two moving on suddenly lunging his whole body weight

[6:19] forward extending his dagger like fangs he finally grasped his target finally slowly steadily the poisonous

[6:28] venom enters his prey releasing the mouse the rattlesnake waits for the venom to react after the

[6:35] mouse is dead the rattlesnake starts the slow process of swallowing his prey now it's both it's both

Elliott Kalan

[6:42] scientifically accurate and also makes me worry that this is a young serial killer in the making now

Dan McCoy

[6:47] stewart i mean we're gonna now the the the the nature of this podcast is such that we're gonna

[6:53] burn you a lot during this but i have to say you know for a child again like unless this was you know

[7:00] done when you were say 16 and we've misjudged things yeah this is some impressive writing because

[7:07] you've got you've got like a dependent clause here you've got like releasing the mouse comma the

Elliott Kalan

[7:13] rattlesnake waits for the venom to react and that comma makes up for the lack of comma in commas and

[7:19] other sentences that needed them so but it's a pretty sophisticated that one i also enjoy the way like

Dan McCoy

[7:25] you have we didn't talk about this before but the words here are not handwritten you have done like

[7:32] a little paste up here with a typewritten words yeah on your illustrations as if you know this is going

[7:37] to be is ready to be sent to the printer oh yeah absolutely but no i think speaking of word choice

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] lunging is really good uh poisonous venom is a bit redundant but i love it it's very evocative

[7:49] dagger like fangs i love that uh it's yeah there's a lot of uh this is some very uh in this is a very

Stuart Wellington

[7:56] visceral writing which is great yeah i think i think i'm really trying to draw the the draw the reader in

[8:03] now obviously the illustration you have those two rocks again there seems to be some kind of bale of hay

Elliott Kalan

[8:08] behind him yeah it's a sprig of wheat the rattlesnake it's the kind of sprig of wheat you might see inside of

[8:13] like a all-white vase next to a fireplace in an interior decorating magazine yeah and the the the snake is

Dan McCoy

[8:20] negotiating the space between these two rocks um like it's in you know that snake video game yeah i mean

Elliott Kalan

[8:27] the rocks themselves have shrunk quite a bit since the previous page but i like the consistency of their

[8:32] being there even if they are not you know to scale yeah it's i mean it's uh i mean scott mcleod would

Stuart Wellington

[8:39] praise me for my visual storytelling he would i'm sure he would yes uh and as you as you'll see the at

[8:47] this point the snake is already swallowing uh his his uh prey as i mentioned and this the snake the

Elliott Kalan

[8:53] rendering of the snake has a pleasing three-dimensional shading quality to it thank you

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] uh okay after he completely digested the mouse

Elliott Kalan

[9:03] okay i have some comments about this illustration when we get when we get to that part

Stuart Wellington

[9:08] okay after he completely digested the mouse he slithers to a hiding spot very soon it is night

[9:20] okay setting aside some of the missing letters and words in these sentences this drawing has a sort of uh

Elliott Kalan

[9:32] unpleasing aspect to it which i'm gonna i'm gonna say is that it appears to be a rattlesnake emerging from a

[9:38] vagina perhaps

[9:39] the the the rock is has a cleft in it that makes it appear as a human buttocks

Dan McCoy

[9:45] yeah it has a vaginal quality and then yes the rock's top uh has the arc of some buttocks although

[9:52] also the you know the mouse ate this or sorry the snake ate this mouse and there's like now a bump now

[9:59] the bump is the rock but it does kind of bring to mind uh the little prince uh the snake who has eaten

Elliott Kalan

[10:06] uh an elephant yeah or it could be a hat yeah sure but the cleft in the rock really does appear yeah i'm not

Dan McCoy

[10:13] doing myself any favors i will have to take you to task for um there's some tense issues here after

[10:21] after he completely digested the mouse he slithers to a hiding spot so you're yeah you're you're kind

[10:30] of jumping around in time but again pretty sophisticated but that's okay i mean it's after

Elliott Kalan

[10:36] he digested that's in the past and slithers in the present it's unorthodox but you know uh he's just

[10:42] trying to distract from the fact that this snake has made its home inside of uh human genitalia yeah

[10:47] sure yeah yeah and i like that you said since rattlesnake are nocturnal that use of the singular

[10:52] for the plural is very uh like i like it it has gives it an epic quality to it an old beowulfian epic

Stuart Wellington

[10:58] yeah that's what i was shooting yeah okay let's see let's move on to the next page here there's also

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] seems to be and this this might be getting a little too in the weeds but there seems to be some

[11:08] disagreement on the page over what number this is maybe we're just seeing through to the next page

[11:12] but it looks like you erased a number no i think you're right i think i wasn't quite sure what page

Dan McCoy

[11:17] we were on now uh stewart i guess i want to pause here for a moment and ask you what kind of research

Elliott Kalan

[11:22] you did well i'm sure there's a works cited page at the end right uh in fact actually there's a note

Stuart Wellington

[11:28] for my teacher that uh criticized me for not including a bibliography so okay well

[11:34] bibliography stewart's brain

[11:39] okay so uh moving on suddenly he hears this suddenly he hears the special rattle it is the rattle of a

[11:52] lady looking for a mate he moves slowly at first then faster he passes a bush and there in the clearing

[12:00] next to a wood pile is the lady rattlesnake now here's now now it feels like the last the picture

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] from before now it seems like the subtext is just becoming the text uh yeah i guess you're right

[12:12] but with passing the bush and all but also what i like is that you leave us in suspense whether it is a

[12:17] lady rattlesnake or a human lady when it's the rattle of a lady uh yeah but it is a lady rattlesnake

Stuart Wellington

[12:23] i can't feel uh guys was stewart oh was little stewart a horny boy

[12:29] i mean you would know better than us for snakes specifically i don't know we're figuring it out

Dan McCoy

[12:36] i mean i again i commend the the complexity of the sentences he passes a bush comma and there in the

[12:43] clearing next to a wood pile comma is the lady rattlesnake i do i i wonder though um now is this

[12:49] accurate to snake mating procedures do they mate based on i feel like i was very into uh like various forms of

Stuart Wellington

[13:00] reptiles and dinosaurs as a kid yeah but i don't i i kind of haven't kept up with that hobby so i can't

Elliott Kalan

[13:06] tell you if it was right or not uh i do there is a there's a sort of a zork s aspect to this a sort

[13:12] of text game as you mention each of the landmarks that it passes things like that yeah it's it's it's

Stuart Wellington

[13:18] all about world building even even at a young age i was all about creating a a universe and to dan's

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] point if there are any herpetologists listening to this please let us know write in and let us know

[13:27] if there is a special rattle that represents sexual arousal in a lady rattlesnake

Stuart Wellington

[13:32] oh shit's about to get real guys oh as he inches toward the lady rattlesnake he feels the presence of

[13:42] another boy as he looks around the clearing he sees the other boy the two boys move to move toward

[13:49] each other as they lock in combat then they begin the death game again a very steward turn of phrase

[13:58] during the game pain rings all throughout his back he uncoils to see what had hit him he sees a person

[14:09] baby suddenly a shot rings out the bullet just grazes him but hits the other rattlesnake oh

Dan McCoy

[14:17] rattlesnake good eating okay well some dialogue enters yeah i you know leaving aside for a moment

[14:25] this sort of cliffhanger here where you know yeah someone is it's not a cliffhanger the story

[14:29] well someone's know that rattlesnake is dead we know no we know that like we don't know who this

[14:35] person is who says rattlesnake good eating i i just want to ask you elliot as a person who has had

[14:43] two person babies yeah in your in your life that's what we call this accurate to your experience of

Elliott Kalan

[14:49] having person babies are they in that i will uh i will just leave them in clearings next to wood piles

[14:55] in the hopes that they will draw out rattlesnakes that i can then shoot because that's good eating

[15:00] gotta gotta feed your family you know and there's a lot of good meat on a rattlesnake it's like

[15:06] it's like a slim jim that can walk

[15:08] can walk well you know crawl

Stuart Wellington

[15:12] uh so so my uh you know we're we're nearing the end of this this this page this page has a real

[15:22] robert e howard influence on it i feel it's very strong yeah i so my mother mailed me uh this this

[15:30] work of fiction um that i had made as a child and at the time when i when i got it you know a couple

[15:37] months ago i read it uh and reading it again now i'm still surprised by every page

Dan McCoy

[15:43] that's the mark of great fiction what now okay i mean you're i will say your rattles seem to have

[15:50] improved on this page you can thank you yeah i was waiting for you guys to say they have the

[15:56] distinctive stacker look exactly you can discern the individual coils rather than in the past where

[16:03] again it looked like sort of like maybe the bottom of a chair yeah like an old-timey microphone yeah

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] yeah uh you've gotta on the other hand while the while the tail end of this this rattlesnake it's

[16:15] hard to know which is the original and which is the intruder well the tail end of the rattlesnake is

[16:19] very well uh delineated uh and rendered the head seems to have uh turned into like yeah it's a

[16:26] little hard to tell like it's got kind of a tombstone shape to it uh and i you can kind of see the

Dan McCoy

[16:31] mouth i think but you know i think we are to believe this is from below we're seeing you know like

[16:38] snakes don't really have like a traditional chin in the way you know a human might but i think we're

[16:44] seeing below below the snake's head the chin area and the eyes are are away from us maybe yeah it's

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] the underside yeah yeah he's like he's uh he's been shot and he's falling back he's like oh you shot

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] the wrong snake i just noticed i just noticed that's the hole yeah yeah i thought that was the

[17:05] snake's belly button and i was like snakes are not placental they don't they hatch from eggs and so

[17:10] don't have umbilicus or belly buttons but i was like maybe this is a cute snake with a little

Stuart Wellington

[17:15] wittle bitty belly button i don't know it's possible yeah or or a cool piercing or something

Dan McCoy

[17:20] yeah the one thing that is un stewart like about this is there's no arterial spray from that hole

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] that's true okay well that's because that snake's cold-blooded so all this blood froze and it doesn't

Stuart Wellington

[17:33] flow out oh i see yeah the rattlesnake finally found a mate later the pair of rattlesnakes had a clutch of

[17:41] eggs which resulted in a group of identical baby rattlesnakes on that fateful day when the boy

[17:48] rattlesnake was run run over by a truck the driver was not obeying the don't tread on me flag

[17:57] the baby rattlesnakes the baby rattlesnakes were there to take the boy rattlesnake's place

Dan McCoy

[18:03] wow now there's a lot to unpack right at the end this is this is just like the parts into the

Elliott Kalan

[18:09] lighthouse where the events of the family's lives are just kind of glossed over while we hear about

[18:14] what's going on just in the house and how the furniture is settling and the dust falls in the

[18:18] light this is that the natural world it works at a different pace than each of our individual little

Stuart Wellington

[18:25] minor blink of the stories you know so and liking to the lighthouse it kind of it kind of touches on the

[18:31] like idea of uh the sun uh becoming like overtaking the father like that sort of thing

Elliott Kalan

[18:37] generations taking their place uh what i like is so that so that cliffhanger of who shot the

[18:42] rattlesnake is never answered it's just some never answered some yokel i assume wearing say like

[18:48] overalls with one strap undone underneath is like a peekaboo long underpants he's got a straw hat and a

[18:53] a piece of straw in his mouth uh kind of scraggly long white beard uh no mustache just on the chin

[19:00] just a chin possibly a clay jug with three x's marked on it possibly likely uh and and now he's

[19:08] going to take it back to his uh to his wife his name is snuffy smith yeah

Stuart Wellington

[19:14] i mean but these are all these are all just moments in this rattlesnake's life like we're just

[19:18] getting snapshots of this well i like how you say on that fateful day when the boy rattlesnake was run

Dan McCoy

[19:24] over by a truck now that assumes that this was inevitable like we all knew this was gonna happen

Stuart Wellington

[19:29] told in legend it's like ragnarok yeah and then we all have trucks coming for us you didn't clarify

Dan McCoy

[19:36] then it's a parenthetical phrase that the the parenthetical is the driver was not obeying the

[19:42] don't tread on me flag i like that you felt like you needed to explain why a truck might run over a snake

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] oh no i i took that as like a punkish little jape from uh from young stewart kind of like i guess he

[19:55] wasn't looking at the flag uh since uh he did i mean he didn't just he didn't tread on that rattlesnake

[20:00] he ran right over it yeah that's true yeah i mean it's not like his truck instead of wheels just

Stuart Wellington

[20:06] had four feet that were treading on things no it's not fred flintstone's car in which case

Elliott Kalan

[20:12] you would not want to drive over rattlesnake because it can still bite you but in this case

[20:15] and the image of course to describe for the readers there is just two lines delineating

[20:20] either side of a road very uh bemelmans in there in how simple it is and yet how evocative and the

[20:26] top half of the of the rattlesnake and uh representing the fact that has i guess been crushed is just a few

[20:32] dots uh where it has been separated from the rest of its body i will say this must be a very large

Dan McCoy

[20:38] rattlesnake based on uh you know comparing it to the road size yeah this half of a rattlesnake

Stuart Wellington

[20:45] crosses most of the road it's possible it's a bike path that's true maybe maybe it is it is an eastern

[20:53] diamondback rattlesnake i believe they can get pretty big they can't i mean i saw a diamondback i guess

Elliott Kalan

[20:57] actually you know it wasn't eastern i saw a diamondback in my neighbor's yard a few weeks ago and it

[21:02] wasn't big enough to stretch across an entire lane of a highway necessarily but it was but it was

[21:08] pretty big it was it was a sizable snake now that is terrifying i also like to believe you got any uh

Stuart Wellington

[21:13] you got any pictures to back this story i don't have pictures and therefore we have to believe it

Elliott Kalan

[21:17] didn't happen uh so the i imagine that the rattlesnake in its final death throes managed to crawl into the

[21:23] bike lane maybe in the hopes that it could uh you know get some strength from a passing bicyclist and that's

Dan McCoy

[21:30] why the road is so narrow you know uh-huh yeah we get some strength from a passing bicyclist yeah

Elliott Kalan

[21:36] you know bite onto the tire and let that air just puff it up you know yeah or like or like he would

Stuart Wellington

[21:41] bite one of the bicyclists they would die and turn into a turkey leg which he could then consume for

Dan McCoy

[21:47] to get his energy bar up yeah and we i mean we did we did sort of address this already but uh i do want

[21:53] to talk a little bit more about how this book ends yeah it does end on a cyclical note the idea that

[21:59] yeah of course this uh the it says the baby rattlesnakes were there to take the boy rattlesnake's

[22:06] place um yeah yep you know just reminding us all that it's all transitory you know and that we're all

[22:13] interchangeable basically yeah they are something i remind my dad about all the time every time i see

Elliott Kalan

[22:19] them they're identical baby rattlesnakes each one at a at a spur of a moment you just pick one up doesn't

[22:25] matter which they're all the same one of them dies toss it away replace it with its son and that's

[22:31] yeah that's how god treats people too we're all the same now i wouldn't recommend picking up those

Dan McCoy

[22:35] rattlesnakes ellie just just as a tip for you like born a snake handler die a snake handler that's my

[22:40] motto

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] um yeah so yeah that was rattlesnake in a work of fiction by me obviously tm tm nobody can steal

[22:51] rattlesnake from me uh not like i think i i wrote a follow-up that was basically uh romancing the stone

[22:58] but from the the snakes perspective i think it was like a what if scenario where instead of uh michael

[23:04] michael douglas killing a snake uh the snake survived and then became the hero of the story

Dan McCoy

[23:10] hmm that's the uh that is very intriguing and i don't know if i have a copy of that line around

Stuart Wellington

[23:17] but maybe this is just the kind of uh teaser that uh this podcast needs to uh i don't know get into

[23:24] the big leagues how do you get into the big leagues of podcasting dan uh something well i assume it

Dan McCoy

[23:29] involves big league chew in some way yeah and it helps if the person hosting is already a famous

Stuart Wellington

[23:34] celebrity oh okay well i'm not that and i'm talking we're doing a podcast where i'm reading a

Dan McCoy

[23:41] book about a rattlesnake i wrote as a child yeah while standing in your storage room while standing

Elliott Kalan

[23:48] in my storage room yep living the dream now steward i like that it sounds like even when you're young

[23:54] you found you had found your muse which was snakes uh-huh yeah and so what other snake works are you

[24:01] working on now how else are you telling the story of the life of a snake with the more mature

Stuart Wellington

[24:05] storytelling tools you are now having your kit that's the thing i mean like i guess the next step

[24:12] i've already done a snake i've done a rattlesnake and i think the romancing the stone ripoff was about a

[24:20] bush master which is also a snake maybe i will have to do a cobra maybe i'll have to do research because

[24:30] clearly this book was clearly uh well researched i mean i mentioned an eastern diamondback i mentioned

[24:36] how the mating ritual involved a special rattle yeah i used uh region specific uh dialogue from the

Dan McCoy

[24:45] yokel who shot the rattlesnake now stewart um you did mention that your uh your teacher you know raked

[24:54] you over the coals for not for no bibliography but uh do you have a grade on this did you do you know

Stuart Wellington

[25:01] what you got so i have i have a post-it note that's stuck on the inside of this book there is uh it just

[25:08] said it's the post-it note has the image of a uh has the image of a rose on it with a little bird

[25:14] carrying it and it says for all you do this buds for you i'm like doesn't relate to my story at all

[25:21] but that's okay here's the note the note says stewart i like the humor and the way you drew the pictures

[25:31] but there was no bibliography and only two communications i don't quite know what that

[25:39] means so it was a dot dot dot i think there was a second note and the note is gone so we're gonna

[25:46] have to figure it out ourselves i will say that i mean like as literary criticism goes that's not

Dan McCoy

[25:51] the best i have read i mean i think that the i think that the book itself surpasses the the critique

Elliott Kalan

[25:58] you know thank you thank you i mean it's rare that the criticism is better than the art that

[26:04] it's critiquing let's just be fair to the teacher on this one it's rare that someone's like i love that

[26:10] movie but did you read the review of the movie i mean i would i would hope that there's been movies

Stuart Wellington

[26:17] that our podcast is covered that people prefer our podcast to but yeah but i wouldn't compare your

[26:22] book to one of those movies come on thank you that's really why we did this so you guys

[26:28] would admit that my book is good and uh should be turned into a movie so hollywood call me up so

Elliott Kalan

[26:35] steward who are you going to cast as a rattlesnake in the inevitable movie now that this book has heat

Stuart Wellington

[26:39] on it john c reilly obviously that guy's great he can do anything also he you know he's got a kind

[26:45] of energy that i'm into and like i could see him you know like i could see him like fighting for

[26:53] uh fighting for love fathering children and then inevitably dying now i get what you're saying but

[27:00] do you think he's sinuous enough to be a snake that's true i mean if we're just basing it on

[27:07] sinuosity you'd have to be what doug jones yeah i think i mean he's pretty much the only sinuous

Elliott Kalan

[27:13] actor in hollywood these days you know yeah what if yeah do you think do you think that there's parts

Stuart Wellington

[27:19] that are being written they're like doug jones type and they're like

Elliott Kalan

[27:26] it's like the evil skeleton parentheses 20s doug jones type

[27:36] you hear all the stories about

Stuart Wellington

[27:37] now i don't fucking watch this movie

Dan McCoy

[27:39] you hear all the you hear all the stories about actors going in and auditioning for roles where

[27:45] they're like described as like x type and they are x themselves and not getting the roles but i

[27:53] i cannot imagine someone going in and be like and like doug jones going in and be like doug jones type

Elliott Kalan

[27:58] and like not getting it well that's exactly what happened with the movie x versus sever

[28:04] was described as an x type and x uh did not get the part strangely enough uh weirdly sever played x and

[28:13] x place ever yeah well that was a little a little game they played they made a bet with each other

[28:20] uh so uh yeah so i think doug jones uh he could play the body of the snake and maybe john c riley does

Stuart Wellington

[28:25] like the voice yeah and then i'm but then they also have to mocap the face because i mean i need

Elliott Kalan

[28:31] john c riley's face there's there's a there's a commercial that plays uh during jeopardy every night

[28:37] in los angeles for the lottery uh do you guys have the same commercial where it is a human finger

[28:42] with a man's or maybe it's for casino a human finger with a man's face on the end of it and he's gonna

[28:46] press a like a casino touch screen and it is the most frightening thing and it's on tv every night

[28:52] just this human this giant finger with a man's face and then going ah

Stuart Wellington

[28:56] i guess do your children wake up with nightmares from this uh face finger oh well i wake them up and

Elliott Kalan

[29:04] i say come in here i gotta show you something yeah and then you say think about that think of what hell

[29:11] it would be to be a finger yeah not not to not to change the subject too much guys but while we're

[29:16] here i might as well tell you about this dream i had last night where um where i met chris hemsworth

[29:20] at a kid's soccer game and my son invited him to come to lunch with us and he asked us what we were

[29:25] gonna have and i said he was probably seven and a half feet tall eight feet tall in this dream he's

[29:29] a hugely tall man in the dream and my son goes pizza and he goes yeah i could go for a pizza sure

[29:35] and i'm like what am i going to talk to chris hemsworth about at lunch and that's when i woke up so

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] guys what should i talk to chris hemsworth about at lunch if should i have this dream again you know

[29:46] oh geez oh well i mean ask it i mean you gotta start with what he wants on his pizza right yeah

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] that's a good but i mean that's gonna get exhausted pretty quickly because we'll order

Dan McCoy

[29:55] you could talk i mean you know to tie it in you could talk to him about this the snakes of australia

[30:00] they have a lot of the world's deadliest snakes there that's very true uh you should ask him uh

Stuart Wellington

[30:08] if they if they have any uh if they have any pizza toppings in australia that we don't have here in america

Dan McCoy

[30:15] do they twirl the pizza the opposite direction when they're tossing in the air

Elliott Kalan

[30:19] yeah that's a good one yeah probably would have and they throw it at the floor instead of up at the

Dan McCoy

[30:23] ceiling yeah sure yeah that's what the coriolis effect is

[30:32] that's why they've never eaten pizza in australia because they're like oh it's on the floor now

Stuart Wellington

[30:37] forget about it yeah it's like like when somebody scores a touchdown in a football game in australia

[30:42] they throw the ball in the air instead of bouncing out on the ground

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] yeah they throw it up there and when they sneeze in australia the spit goes back into their heads

Stuart Wellington

[30:50] everything's backwards in australia yeah yeah and uh yeah in australia bizarro is called superman

Dan McCoy

[31:02] so australian listeners i know that there we have quite a few uh based on our breakdown uh

[31:07] if you if you aren't angry at us uh write us right right in and let us know if we're accurate on this

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] yeah okay well uh thanks for letting me read my book guys oh it was wonderful thank you for sharing

Dan McCoy

[31:21] it with us yeah thank you for having your authors reading with us here at the flop house uh-huh yeah

Stuart Wellington

[31:26] you guys got the exclusive uh and uh we're part of the max fun podcast network uh our normal episodes are

[31:34] i don't know slightly more focused than this um thanks to our producer jordan cowling thanks to my

[31:41] friends dan mccoy and elliot calen and i am author of rattlesnake stewart wellington

S4

[31:55] maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

FH Mini 18 - Rattlesnake!

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