Ep. #329 - Godzilla: King of the Monsters LIVE

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, we discuss Godzilla, King of the Monsters, Cars!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:39] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] And I'm Elliot Kalin, and we're in Boston again.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Oh boy!

[0:48] And Dan, when we're in Boston, what do we like to do on this podcast?

[0:54] Well, we like to do the same thing as we normally do, but we're...

[0:57] Try to take over the world. Pinky and the brain.

[0:59] Wonderful, yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:02] Wait, was that set in Boston?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04] Yeah, it was originally called Pinky and the Brain's Boston Adventure.

[1:08] And then they were like, they never leave the cage, really.

[1:12] Or they rarely do, so why are we calling out as Boston?

[1:15] If we just take Boston out of the title, then people can imagine it's happening in their town.

[1:19] And then the executives were like, that would be frightening if I had super intelligent mice in my town.

[1:25] But okay, you're Steven Spielberg, we'll do it.

[1:29] Um, so...

Dan McCoy

[1:31] I'm sorry.

[1:32] Guys, listeners at home, Stuart just did the most amazing presentation.

[1:35] I really...

[1:36] Dan is really suffering.

[1:37] I really...

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] I wish you had...

[1:39] I wish you had been here.

[1:40] I feel like...

[1:42] I wish you had been here.

[1:44] Dan has never in his life had a sexual or professional experience that so satisfied him.

[1:51] The way that Stuart's presentation did.

[1:54] His mind is wiped.

[1:56] He is spent.

[1:57] It really...

Stuart Wellington

[1:57] It really is.

[1:59] I can't remember what we do.

[2:01] So someone else is driving this car, if you will.

[2:04] Ah!

[2:06] So, what we normally do on this podcast is we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[2:10] And today we watch a movie and we're going to find out if it was bad or not.

[2:13] Today we watched Godzilla, colon, King of the Monsters.

[2:17] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] Not Godzilla, King of the Monsters.

[2:20] Like, that's his last name.

[2:22] Godzilla, colon, King of the Monsters.

[2:24] It's because a big monster's got a big colon.

[2:30] Hi, I'm Elliot Kalin for...

[2:32] I'm Elliot Kalin for monster rectal health as I stand up.

[2:36] It's not anything any of us wants to think about.

[2:39] That the monsters we love might in some way damage their rectums.

[2:45] And yet, if we all take a moment to pay a little more attention to the rectums of our monsters,

[2:51] their lives will be better for it and we'll really appreciate it.

[2:54] Join me, won't you?

[2:55] On a journey inside the monster colon.

[2:59] I hope you've got waiting boots and a spelunker's helmet because I didn't bring enough for everybody.

[3:08] Well, we watched Godzilla, King of the Monsters.

[3:10] Let's just say right off the top.

[3:12] I was excited about this one because long-time listeners of the podcast will know that I'm an old-time G fan.

[3:19] Uh-huh.

[3:19] That means a fan of Godzilla, right?

[3:22] That's exactly what it means.

[3:23] Cool.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] Just trying to stay up to speed.

[3:25] Not a fan of the Giver.

[3:27] It's fine.

[3:28] Wait, what?

[3:29] It's fine.

[3:30] Why are you dragging the Giver into this?

[3:32] It's just not as good as...

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] Do I have to...

[3:33] I'm going to tweet Mark Hamill.

[3:35] No, don't do that.

[3:37] Now, as a kid, I loved the Godzilla movies.

[3:40] Here is how I felt as a kid.

[3:41] I've changed since then.

[3:42] I matured.

[3:42] Big monsters.

[3:43] Yes.

[3:44] Human-sized monsters?

[3:45] No.

[3:45] Thumbs down.

[3:46] Now I appreciate the human-sized monsters.

[3:48] Draculas, Frankensteins, the mummy I'm still not crazy about, Wolfmams, you get them all.

[3:53] Anyway, Gilmams, all of them.

[3:55] But Godzillas and their associated giant monster brethren were the best.

[4:01] So when they told me Godzilla was coming back.

[4:03] I was like, I am ready for this.

[4:06] Uh-huh.

[4:07] And then Matthew Broderick was like, I don't think you know.

Stuart Wellington

[4:11] This is not your daddy's Godzilla, my friend.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] He called me and he said, I think maybe you should sit this one out.

[4:15] And I was like, Ferris Bueller finally meeting Godzilla?

[4:18] Just like my fan fiction?

[4:20] You bet I'm going to watch it.

[4:22] I should have taken that day off though from Godzilla movies.

[4:26] And then there was the Godzilla movie from five years ago and it was fine.

[4:29] So anyway, Godzilla, King of the Monsters.

[4:31] Let's just go through this movie, shall we folks?

[4:33] It's five years after Godzilla, the first movie came out.

[4:36] When Godzilla emerged from the...

[4:38] That's the original Japanese Godzilla movie?

[4:40] No.

[4:41] It is five years since the last American Godzilla movie came out.

[4:45] It is 60 years.

[4:46] Which was just called Godzilla, right?

[4:48] It was just called Godzilla.

[4:49] Okay.

[4:50] It is five years after the events of that film.

[4:52] Godzilla emerged, ruined San Francisco.

[4:55] Worst pride day ever.

Stuart Wellington

[4:57] Oh, weird.

[4:59] I mean, I feel like gentrification has already ruined San Francisco.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] Hot take, hot take, hot take.

[5:04] What the tech industry started, Godzilla finished.

[5:09] Every time he knocked over a building, I was like,

[5:11] I hope it's full of like tech program coders.

[5:14] Wow.

[5:15] I was like, wow, calm down, Elliot.

[5:17] Yeah.

[5:18] And there was that shot of all these people...

Stuart Wellington

[5:19] Elliot says he angrily types it into his iPad.

Elliott Kalan

[5:22] There was all these shots of people priced out of their homes going,

[5:25] thank you, Godzilla, thank you.

[5:27] So anyway, it's five years later.

[5:29] Godzilla hasn't seen in a while.

[5:30] Everyone's mad at Monarch,

[5:32] the official monster hunting organization whose logo looks like a bow tie.

[5:37] If you saw the name Monarch and the logo looked like a bow tie,

[5:41] you would think it was some kind of gentleman's website where you order bow ties online.

[5:46] Yeah, we're disrupting the bow tie industry.

[5:48] And how would you do that exactly?

Dan McCoy

[5:51] Well, I guess some sort of box service where every month you get a new bow tie.

[5:57] It's actually not a bad idea.

[5:58] You're never stuck in one of those situations,

[6:02] those common everyday situations where you're like,

[6:03] oh, I wish I had a bow tie, but what am I going to do?

[6:05] Wait, so it finds you wherever you are?

[6:06] Yeah, no, it's delivered by drone.

Elliott Kalan

[6:09] Oh, okay.

[6:09] Great, okay.

Dan McCoy

[6:10] And those drones look like Monarch butterflies.

[6:13] And the drones tie the bow tie around your neck because no one can tie a bow tie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:16] Thank you.

[6:17] No one, even the inventor of the bow tie, Solomon Bowtie, could not tie the bow tie.

[6:21] But he had hooks for hands.

[6:23] That's why.

[6:24] An old relative of mine.

[6:25] Yeah.

[6:27] Because you were related because you both had hooks for hands?

[6:29] Yep.

[6:30] So that's a genetic thing?

[6:31] Yep.

[6:33] So anyway, Monarch, everyone's like, Monarch, what's your deal?

[6:36] And Dr. Serizawa, Ken Watanabe from the last movie, he's like,

[6:40] we need to find a way to coexist with these monsters that keep stepping on us.

[6:44] All right, let's find it.

[6:45] There's a family of scientists.

[6:46] They're going to be the central characters of this here film.

[6:48] They are Vera Farmiga, Kyle Chandler, and their daughter Maddie.

[6:52] Actress's name, I don't know.

[6:53] But she's the psychic girl from Stranger Things, right?

[6:55] Yeah, she's 11.

[6:56] Okay.

[6:57] Millie Bobby Brown.

[6:58] She's older than 11.

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:01] She's a character 11.

[7:02] That's her character's name.

[7:03] Her character's name is 11.

[7:04] From the prisoner.

[7:05] No.

Dan McCoy

[7:07] But what if...

[7:09] It's just her name.

[7:10] It's like how briefly in the comic strip Peanuts there was a kid named Three.

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] Or like how Blossom's best friend was named Seven.

Dan McCoy

[7:18] No.

[7:18] Six.

Elliott Kalan

[7:19] Six.

[7:20] I thought she was better than Six.

[7:22] She deserved to be Seven.

[7:23] Oh, God.

[7:24] Anyway.

[7:25] Look, I'm sorry if that's a hot take on Blossom's best friend.

[7:28] That she deserved better than the name Six.

[7:30] So anyway.

[7:31] These scientists, they had a son who died on G-Day.

[7:34] Which they don't call it in the movie, but they should.

[7:36] The day Godzilla attacked San Francisco.

[7:37] And they broke up.

[7:38] It ruined their family.

[7:39] Now Vera Farmiga is a scientist who lives in a monarch outpost.

[7:43] Where her daughter Maddie has the run of the place.

[7:45] So that when they go to watch a Mothra being born.

[7:48] Her daughter just runs up to it and is like, let me touch the egg.

[7:51] Let me touch the egg.

[7:52] And the government scientists are like, I'll allow it.

[7:54] Anyway.

[7:56] A Mothra larva gets born and they calm it down with what we're going to call an orca.

[8:00] But it's a device that can identify and mimic a monster's bioacoustics.

[8:05] Let's just stop for a moment.

[8:06] Guys?

[8:07] Yeah.

[8:08] You're real fans of bioacoustics, right?

[8:10] Yeah.

[8:11] Because there's a lot of talk of that in the movie.

[8:13] That hi-fi company, I guess?

[8:16] Yeah.

[8:17] Bioacoustics.

[8:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:19] They're a hi-fi company in a David Cronenberg movie.

[8:22] They install a record player in your belly.

[8:25] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] Keep talking.

[8:27] That's all I have.

[8:28] You have to be a pretty big customer to hold a whole record player.

[8:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[8:31] I mean, you know.

Dan McCoy

[8:32] Why should only the tiny bee have hi-fi equipment, Elliot?

[8:38] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[8:39] That's exactly what I was implying and I was wrong to do so.

Stuart Wellington

[8:43] Now, we're going to talk about bioacoustics a lot today.

[8:47] And it would be really easy for us to make a bunch of fart jokes, right?

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] That is the ultimate bioacoustic.

[8:53] But for this one, it just means roaring that you can somehow track.

[8:57] And also is what encoded in the DNA of the monster.

[8:59] They just use bioacoustics and hope that we're like, oh, is that a thing?

[9:04] I guess it is.

[9:05] I don't want to seem dumb, so I'm not going to ask about it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:07] Is it like that thing on how infants crying is hardwired into our brains to annoy us?

[9:12] It is to me because I've got one at home and he's always crying.

Elliott Kalan

[9:15] And I can't get out of my head.

[9:16] Constantly ringing through my ears.

[9:19] Like the heart of the man I killed.

[9:22] Oh, wow.

[9:23] But I killed him.

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] Air up the floorboards.

[9:24] I buried him under the floors.

[9:25] I can hear it now.

[9:25] For many reasons, your children shouldn't be listening to this episode now.

Elliott Kalan

[9:28] It's the beating of that hideous heart.

[9:30] And it's beating like this.

[9:34] It's beating money.

[9:36] I don't know why.

[9:38] Anyway, bioacoustics.

[9:40] Does the heart have the rights to that song?

[9:42] The heart wants what it wants, Dan.

[9:45] Including the rights to money.

Dan McCoy

[9:47] Seems like that heart would play heart.

[9:49] But carry on.

[9:51] I know.

[9:51] It wasn't worth me stopping you for that.

[9:54] We both know what I do.

[9:55] Maybe put your notes aside and we can talk about this.

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] Look, if I can't judge someone else for stopping something for a joke that's not worth it.

[10:02] Let he who is not me cast the first stone.

[10:04] I just know it's going to come up in my annual performance review.

[10:07] So I'm just saying that I know.

[10:08] Oh, your annual performance review is mostly going to be about your Twitter feed.

[10:11] Okay.

[10:12] So, but they don't have a lot of time to commune with this Mothra Lare.

[10:17] Because Charles Dance walks in with his bunch of goons and they kill everyone almost.

Stuart Wellington

[10:21] He walks in?

[10:22] Or does he dance in?

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] No, he walks in, unfortunately.

[10:26] He should dance in.

[10:27] Oh, okay.

[10:28] But he walks in and shoots everyone but Vera and Maddie.

[10:30] Takes them and the monster calling machine.

[10:33] He's an eco-terrorist, it turns out.

[10:34] Who thinks monsters should rule the world.

[10:37] He takes them to his base in Antarctica.

[10:39] Where frozen in ice, they have Monster Zero.

[10:43] The ultimate monster.

[10:44] Or I'll call him Ultamonster.

[10:47] A sort of mega monster.

Dan McCoy

[10:49] The alta monster?

[10:50] Where, uh...

[10:51] Yeah, he killed someone in front of a Rolling Stones concert.

[10:53] Okay.

[10:53] Okay, great.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] Uh, and Monarch, they're like, how should we catch a Vera Formiga?

[10:58] Only one person can.

[11:00] Her ex-husband, Kyle Chandler.

[11:02] He hates monsters.

[11:03] This is good screenwriting.

[11:04] The two characters have diametrically opposed views of monsters.

Stuart Wellington

[11:08] It's kind of like in the mummy movies, how in the first movie, Rachel Weisz's brother doesn't know a mummy exists.

[11:16] Second movie, he's terrified of mummies.

[11:18] By the third movie, he hates them.

Dan McCoy

[11:21] But I also enjoy the fact that the death of their child via Godzilla has led them to different conclusions.

[11:28] Kyle Chandler, more logically, one might think, hates your Godzillas and other monsters.

[11:34] Whereas Vera Formiga looks at the Godzilla death of her child and I'm like, yeah, okay, more monsters.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] She's like, science wins out.

[11:42] Godzilla's stronger than my son.

[11:45] I gotta go with the winner on this.

[11:48] She's like, some people like sons.

[11:49] I like sons that don't get crushed by monsters.

Dan McCoy

[11:52] Anyway, I didn't say it.

[11:54] She did in the version I just made up.

Elliott Kalan

[11:57] So, he hates monsters.

[11:58] You might as far as to say he wants to destroy all monsters.

[12:01] Little Easter egg for the G fans out there.

[12:02] So, Monarch, they track Godzilla's bioacoustics.

[12:05] Because I guess you can do that.

[12:07] Because there's not a lot of noise in the sea, I guess.

[12:09] Yeah.

[12:10] He's swimming over to Antarctica.

[12:12] It's almost like he's being drawn to Monster Zero.

[12:15] Guys, what do you think he's hoping to get out of this rendezvous with Monster Zero?

[12:19] Maybe a friend or a battle.

[12:21] I mean, those could be the same thing.

[12:23] I think those are really two options.

[12:24] Yeah.

[12:25] If you're a superhero, it's the same thing.

[12:26] You battle, then you're a friend.

Stuart Wellington

[12:28] And then you team up to beat up poachers or...

[12:31] Probably poachers, yeah.

[12:32] Or the Kingpin or...

[12:33] Yeah, he's probably a poacher, too.

[12:35] Or Kang or...

Elliott Kalan

[12:37] Yeah, yeah.

[12:37] Kang poaching people for time, poaching animals.

[12:39] Dormammu.

[12:40] Yeah, Dormammu's an international poacher.

[12:45] Craven the Hunter.

[12:46] I don't see the connection.

[12:50] So, Godzilla shows up and there's a big...

[12:52] Oh, not yet.

[12:53] There's a big confusing fight between the monarch soldiers and the eco-terrorists.

[12:57] It's very hard to tell what's going on.

[12:59] The whole thing ends with Vera Farmiga setting off an explosion that wakes up Monster Zero.

[13:04] Now, they just keep...

[13:05] They haven't named him officially in the movie, but we all know who he is, guys.

[13:09] You see those three heads and two tails popping up?

[13:11] It's King Ghidorah, everybody.

[13:13] Boop, boop.

[13:14] Now, do I feel a special connection to King Ghidorah because I dressed up as him for Halloween as a child one year?

[13:19] And my mother, working only off of my verbal description of a monster with three heads, decided that...

[13:26] And this is a creative way to do it, but I was disappointed at the time because it didn't look like it.

[13:30] She gave me a headband and put two paper bags filled with cotton with monster faces drawn on them and attached them to the headband.

[13:36] Because all she knew was three heads.

[13:38] And like, Mom, I appreciate that you tried.

[13:41] That's the important thing.

[13:42] But I had this elaborate imagination.

[13:44] In my head, I'm like, I'll have the one long neck in the middle for my head and my arms will have necks also.

[13:48] Because Ghidorah doesn't have any arms.

[13:50] He just has the necks and the wings.

Dan McCoy

[13:52] Now, how did you think that you were going to elongate your own neck?

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] I thought hormones would kick in and do that.

[13:59] Still waiting.

[14:01] Oh, shit.

[14:03] Oh, my God.

[14:06] Take that, my adrenal glands and hypothalamus, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] Fear of Armiga lets loose this monster.

[14:13] At this point, you're like, huh?

[14:15] What?

[14:15] Because she knows that she likes monsters.

[14:18] You know, she like, likes monsters.

Stuart Wellington

[14:19] But you did not think that she would do so in a way that might endanger her child and her ex-husband.

Elliott Kalan

[14:26] Exactly.

[14:26] Like I was saying, you don't think she like, likes monsters.

[14:28] You think that's, what's her name from the Shape of Water who's also on the Monarch team?

[14:32] You know why she likes the monsters.

[14:34] Sally Hawkins.

[14:35] We all know why she likes monsters.

[14:37] Mm-hmm.

[14:37] For sex.

[14:38] Okay.

[14:40] Remember?

[14:41] Like in Shape of Water?

[14:42] Yeah.

[14:42] Water wasn't the only shape she was interested in.

[14:45] I, what?

[14:48] She collects silhouettes.

[14:50] Anyway, okay.

[14:50] So, there's a, so, uh, uh, Gidra wakes up and his heads are kind of bickering with each other.

[14:56] And I was like, this is great.

[14:57] It's so efficient.

[14:58] He's the Disney villain and the goofy sidekicks all in the same monster.

[15:02] Uh, he spits lightning like a freestyle rapper and Godzilla shows up for a pretty blurry fight in the snow.

[15:09] Now, Stuart, when I say I want to see two monsters fight, do you think I mean behind a screen of snow?

[15:14] Yeah, you want it to be as obscured as possible, right, Elliot?

Stuart Wellington

[15:17] Yeah, yeah.

[15:18] And you say two monsters, that's because Godzilla bursts out of the ice and, like, saves everybody at the last minute.

[15:23] Kind of like the T-Rex does in all those, uh, Jurassic World movies.

[15:27] Yeah.

[15:27] Do you think the T-Rex was watching the movie and he was like, that's my bit.

Elliott Kalan

[15:30] He stole my bit.

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] I'm calling my lawyer.

[15:32] Let me, oh, no.

[15:33] Oh, the tiny hands.

Elliott Kalan

[15:35] Can't reach his phone.

[15:36] And I, like, the movie.

Dan McCoy

[15:37] I mean, he would just say, Siri, call my lawyer.

[15:40] And the movie goes to a lot of lengths to obscured special effects as much as it can to the degree that, like, later on they're like, oh, there's a hurricane coming.

[15:48] Like, that hurricane's moving too fast to be a hurricane.

[15:50] And it's like, of course, it's a monster and the center of it.

[15:51] But they're like, uh, I guess monsters move around with hurricanes in them so we can not see the bad CGI, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[15:58] Yeah, they, it's like they want to go as far as to be like, this monster only exists in shadow.

[16:03] You know what?

[16:03] It's a monster that only destroys buildings when our eyes are closed.

[16:07] And someone's like, you know what the real monster is?

[16:09] The human heart.

[16:10] Think about that.

[16:11] Don't need a special effect for that.

[16:13] Okay.

[16:13] So anyway, Godzilla's on the ropes.

[16:15] Uh-oh.

[16:15] It looks like the G-man's not doing well against the other G-man.

[16:19] Although he's not called G yet.

[16:20] He's Monster Zero.

[16:21] But then some bombers come by and they end it prematurely.

[16:23] It's the thing that always happens at the end of the first battle.

[16:27] We can't have a real winner or loser yet.

[16:29] So some bombers come in and blow it up.

[16:31] The same thing happens in the Bad News Bears.

[16:35] We all remember that, right?

[16:37] Maybe it was the director's cut.

[16:39] All the monarch guys are like, how could Vera betray us?

[16:43] Vera said that?

[16:44] And she FaceTimes with him and she's like, hey.

[16:47] I'm going to need some receipts.

[16:49] Yeah.

[16:49] She's like, humans are the world's disease and monsters are the cure.

[16:53] And they're like, what?

[16:53] And she's like, look.

[16:54] Once the, look at all these cities that the monsters destroyed and we couldn't go back to.

[16:58] Now they're flourishing biodiverse ecosystems.

[17:01] We just need some monsters to thin the herd of humanity.

[17:03] Stop on some cities.

[17:04] All of our Earth problems will be solved.

[17:06] And how does she show that, Elliot?

[17:08] With a lot of suspiciously already queued up B-roll.

[17:12] Yeah.

[17:12] And it was like, did she produce this call?

Dan McCoy

[17:14] This is like basically a Skype call.

[17:16] But they're just like, let me show you what I'm talking about.

[17:19] And it just like cuts to Koyaanisqazi, like stop, you know, like stop footage of plants growing over buildings and stuff.

[17:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] Clips from Microcosmos.

[17:29] Yeah.

[17:30] This isn't technically accurate, but I just thought it fit the musical cues I had set up.

[17:35] I've been dabbling with a little iMovie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:36] I want to show you what I've been working on.

[17:38] I'm not only a monster releaser.

[17:40] I'm also an auteur.

[17:42] And I want to show you my new project.

[17:44] It's anyway, it's set to the Bangles' hazy shade of winter.

[17:48] I mean, I know they didn't write that song.

[17:49] They did a cover of it.

[17:50] Sorry.

[17:51] Get off my back.

[17:51] Okay.

[17:53] So anyway, but this-

[17:54] Ellie, we talked about attacking the audience.

[17:56] I'm sorry.

[17:57] I just get so mad when I know people are going to jump on me by the Bangles.

[18:00] Anyway.

[18:01] So the, uh, there's a theme in this movie, which is people always having the pictures and videos they need to back up their arguments right at hand.

[18:09] There's another member of the Monarch team whose sole job seems to be to just throw out images of monsters from old books and paintings and stuff and be like, monster, monster, monster, monster.

[18:17] We've always had them with us.

[18:19] It's like these artists needed to communicate about this King Ghidra three-headed monster, and they just didn't know how.

[18:24] And she throws out William Blake's painting of the dragon, which she did not do her research.

[18:29] That's a representation of Satan.

[18:31] Come on, guys.

[18:31] Come on.

[18:32] And it is a, as we all know, a specific message through the centuries to William Dollar Hyde.

[18:37] That he needs to go killing people.

[18:39] Anyway, so.

[18:40] He needs to go eat that painting.

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:42] That is the strangest part, because it's also like, so this is an alternate universe where that painting doesn't exist anymore?

[18:48] He can kill all those fictional people, but destroy a real painting?

[18:51] Mm-hmm.

[18:52] Anyway, I like that picture.

[18:52] Let's talk more about Red Dragon, everyone.

[18:54] Or William Blake.

[18:55] Now, you see, the thing is.

[18:57] Yeah.

[18:58] He blurred the line between poetry and mysticism.

Stuart Wellington

[19:01] I mean, he was one of the first, like, self-publishers of comics, if you will.

[19:06] Yeah, I guess, yeah, there's a direct line between him and Dave Sim.

Elliott Kalan

[19:08] Oh, no!

[19:11] Look, they both had some crazy ideas.

[19:14] Vera, she's just on a monster waking up spree.

[19:17] She wakes up Rodan before they can fully, before Monarch can evacuate Rodan.

[19:20] The sculptor?

[19:21] Island.

[19:21] Yeah, wakes up Rodan, who's like, ah, time to have affairs with my assistants.

Stuart Wellington

[19:31] That was really a guess that you would know information about him.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] Time to make many, many bronze casts of each of my work.

[19:40] So when people are like, I saw The Thinker in Paris, it's like, yeah, cool dude.

[19:44] It's all over the place.

[19:45] There's one in, I think, Pasadena.

[19:46] Okay, so.

[19:48] Welcome to the comedy central roast of Rodan.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] So Nanette can be full of art jokes, but I can't make art jokes?

[19:58] So that's a double standard.

[20:00] So Rodan has a pretty cool...

[20:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[20:01] Speak up for white guys against Nanette.

[20:04] Dangerous territory.

[20:05] Almost as dangerous as being in Rodan's sights, because he's just flipping over jet planes

[20:09] left and right.

[20:10] Maddie is horrified that her mom did this.

[20:13] Anyway, Monster Zero comes up to beat up Rodan, and Rodan's like, oh, I'm so sorry, sir,

[20:18] and bows down to King Ghidra.

[20:19] Literally, the monster's like paying obeisance, because Monster Zero's the new alpha.

[20:23] Uh-oh, unless Gojira has something to say about that, because guess who shows up?

[20:28] Uh, Godzilla?

[20:30] Yeah, you're right.

[20:33] You did it, right on one.

[20:34] He shows up and rips off one of Ghidra's heads.

[20:37] Whoa!

[20:38] That never happened in the old one.

[20:40] I mean, the old one was better all around, but still.

[20:42] That's when General David Stratharn of the United States Military-

[20:47] Looks sleepy!

Dan McCoy

[20:48] He got a rescue from Alaska?

[20:50] Sorry, that's a limbo joke, everyone.

[20:52] Wow.

[20:53] John Sayles' limbo.

[20:54] Never seen so many blank faces.

[20:58] Check out the works of John Sayles.

Elliott Kalan

[21:00] And limbo-

[21:01] Lone Star?

Dan McCoy

[21:01] But Dan is right to question, because limbo ends on a cliffhanger.

Elliott Kalan

[21:05] Need a one.

[21:05] So, Isla Stolos Babies?

[21:09] What was the other one?

[21:09] Let's just not dwell on it.

[21:10] Let's pretend this never happened.

[21:12] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[21:13] Look, I-

[21:14] What?

[21:16] What?

[21:16] People want us to talk about John Sayles' movies.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] All right, he wrote the screenplay to Alligator.

[21:21] What do you want to know about him?

[21:24] He wrote The Howling.

[21:25] I don't know what to tell you.

[21:26] Let's talk about the return of the Seacaucus 7, everybody.

[21:28] I wish the Seacaucus 7 stayed where they were.

[21:31] I've never seen it.

[21:32] Anyway, so, General David's straight there, and he launches a super nuke at the monsters.

[21:37] Doesn't work so well.

[21:38] Giedra's fine.

[21:39] He even regrows his head in a pretty cool body horror scene.

[21:42] But Godzilla appears to be sad, appears to be dead.

[21:46] How's his bioacoustics, Elliot?

[21:49] Better than ever.

[21:51] I mean, growing that new head, it really pushed him into a new area of bioacoustics,

[21:55] where he's kind of interrogating what we mean by bioacoustics.

[21:58] And he's playing with the fiber and the timber of the sound.

[22:02] And so, it's like he's gone back to basics in a way that puts a new spin on what we thought

[22:06] about bioacoustics.

[22:07] It's weird for me to say this, but I'm sorry I asked.

Dan McCoy

[22:11] How are you enjoying your own John Sayles moment there, Elliot?

[22:14] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[22:16] Not well.

[22:18] Looks like this John Sayles should be half off.

[22:23] I'm saying we should cut John Sayles in half.

[22:26] Anyway, Godzilla appears to be dead, and the monarch people, who at this point really only

[22:31] know Godzilla for smashing San Francisco, act real sad about it.

[22:34] Like, no, but he's the title character of the movie.

[22:38] How can we do this?

[22:38] And Kyle Chandler's like, I'm glad he's dead.

[22:40] And they're like, stop being a jerk.

[22:42] Anyway, all these monsters start waking up everywhere, including this really cool monster

[22:47] that's like a trunkless mammoth gorilla.

[22:49] It's like a gorilla with huge mammoth tusks.

[22:51] It's like, what is this thing?

[22:52] Give him a movie.

[22:54] Gurmammoth.

[22:55] Mamrilla?

[22:55] What is it called?

[22:56] Dan, Stuart, what is it called?

[23:00] Mammoth?

Stuart Wellington

[23:01] Mammoth?

[23:02] Like, he's a man, but he's a mammoth.

[23:04] But he's not a man.

[23:05] Wait a minute.

[23:06] He's not a man?

[23:08] Mammilla.

Elliott Kalan

[23:09] Okay.

[23:11] Mamilla.

Dan McCoy

[23:14] Grumilla.

Elliott Kalan

[23:15] No, but that's got very little mammoth in it.

[23:16] It's mostly gorilla.

[23:18] Gremlins 2.

[23:19] I like it.

[23:21] Okay, so he's called Gremlins 2, the new bad.

[23:23] How about Buzzsaw?

[23:25] Okay.

[23:25] How about Sub-Zero?

[23:27] No, I mean, there's already a monster Zero, so that's definitely confusing.

[23:30] I also like how you're like, how about Dynamo?

[23:34] Okay, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[23:35] I'm going to spoil you.

[23:36] Do you know any other characters from The Running Man?

[23:39] Are they public domain yet?

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] Let's just call him Terry.

[23:43] His name is Terry, okay?

Dan McCoy

[23:45] I like that you're like, give this monster movie too, though.

[23:47] Like, you're Dom DeLuise, the beginning of the Muppet movie, like, going through the swamp.

[23:51] Like, oh, a singing frog.

[23:53] That guy's got to be in pictures.

[23:55] And like, you're like, in the rubble of this city as things crash down.

Elliott Kalan

[24:00] And you're like, hey, do you have representation?

[24:02] Oh, I think you've got it.

[24:05] I'm hearing a lot of buzz.

[24:07] So, these monsters are waking up everywhere.

[24:09] It turns out, now that monsters, I'm just going to call him Ghidra.

[24:11] They haven't named him yet in the movie.

[24:13] But I'm just going to call him that, because that's his name.

[24:14] And I know it.

[24:15] Why am I pretending?

[24:15] They, like, read it on a scroll somewhere.

[24:17] They're like, oh, this ancient thing calls him King Ghidorah.

[24:20] Well, I guess that's his name.

[24:21] And they're like, ah, the many who is one.

[24:23] Because he's got three heads.

[24:24] And I think one of you made the point that, like, he didn't name himself that.

[24:27] Like, it's not like, oh, we figured.

[24:29] There's a lot in this movie of what I call Batman 66 logic.

[24:33] Because there's a part in Batman the movie where they're like, there's like a shark that's

[24:37] pulling on Batman's leg.

[24:38] And they're like, oh, a shark was pulling my leg.

[24:42] The Joker.

[24:42] It must have been.

Stuart Wellington

[24:43] Oh, the whole thing is like an enormous riddle.

[24:45] The Riddler.

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] And it's like, it's not evidence that you use that word when you're describing it.

[24:50] And so there's a lot of them being like, oh, it's almost like they're moving, like,

[24:54] in a pack.

[24:55] Packs have alphas.

[24:56] The alpha must be this one.

[24:58] Ah, yes.

[24:59] And the bioacoustics.

[25:00] It's like, these are not words that the monsters are using to describe themselves.

[25:03] Like, they're just coming up with this stuff off the top of their heads.

Dan McCoy

[25:05] And the movie also seems to believe that the more they explain the bullshit science, the

[25:09] more we'll believe it.

[25:10] Rather than, like, the more logical thing is like, say the bullshit science really fast

[25:15] so the audience doesn't notice.

[25:16] Or don't even say it at all.

Elliott Kalan

[25:17] Be like, monsters, monsters everywhere.

[25:19] Like, blah, blah.

[25:20] Ah, ah, ah.

[25:21] I'm a monster.

[25:22] Monsters, monsters, monsters, monsters, monsters.

[25:23] You get a monster.

[25:24] You get a monster.

[25:25] Because I'll...

[25:26] Hey, guys.

[25:27] I want to talk to Hollywood for a second.

[25:29] So this is private.

[25:29] If you guys could not listen for a second.

[25:31] Uh-huh.

[25:31] Hollywood, this is just between you and me and maybe Dan and Stuart.

[25:35] I don't know.

[25:36] Look.

[25:37] I just like monsters, okay?

[25:39] So when I see a monster movie, I don't want to see people in it.

[25:43] I used to watch He-Man as a kid.

[25:44] You know which character I didn't like?

[25:46] He-Man.

[25:47] You know which character I did like?

[25:49] All the bad guys.

[25:50] Because they were monsters.

[25:52] It was...

[25:52] I wanted to go to Storm by Monsters.

[25:54] Yeah.

[25:54] And that's what I did.

[25:55] I owned none of the human figures.

[25:57] I owned all...

[25:57] The most human figure I owned was Mossman.

[26:00] Uh-huh.

[26:00] Because he's so soft.

[26:02] And he smelled like patchouli.

Dan McCoy

[26:04] Yeah.

[26:05] Guys, I'd like to talk to Paul Hollywood for a moment.

[26:09] Okay.

[26:10] Quit pretending like you don't like something and then shaking people's hands.

[26:15] We're on to you.

[26:16] We get it.

[26:17] We've seen it.

[26:19] Stuart, do you want to talk to anyone?

Stuart Wellington

[26:22] Uh, I guess Paul Newman?

[26:26] Sure.

[26:26] Okay, great.

[26:28] Uh, you're pretty old to have the name New Man.

[26:32] Particularly as a dead man.

Elliott Kalan

[26:34] Yeah, I mean he died years ago.

Stuart Wellington

[26:36] As a guy who's dead.

[26:37] Should be Paul Old Man, no?

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] Now, how do you feel about Gary Oldman?

[26:41] He's really grown into that name.

[26:45] Who?

[26:47] Okay.

[26:48] But you've got to admit that Michael Mann is pretty accurate, right?

[26:52] I'll check.

[26:59] How?

[27:00] How are you going to check?

[27:00] I think you know how he's going to check, Dan.

[27:02] Okay.

[27:03] I think you know how he's going to check.

[27:05] Anyway, moving on.

[27:06] So all these monsters are waking up and they're all now Ghidra's slaves.

[27:09] If King Ghidorah wants them to go wreck some cities, by God, they're going to do it.

[27:12] Because the king told them.

[27:13] As Mel Brooks once said, it's good to be the king if you're a three-headed monster with no arms.

[27:17] Because you have other monsters do your bidding.

[27:20] Because again, you have no arms, just wings.

[27:22] It's harder to knock things down without arms.

[27:24] That is a direct quote from Mel Brooks.

[27:26] Uh-huh.

[27:26] Okay.

[27:28] They're like, oh, only Godzilla could stop Ghidorah and he's dead.

[27:31] What are we going to do?

[27:32] And meanwhile, all this is happening.

[27:34] Mothra emerges from her cocoon in moth form in clear clarity.

[27:39] Right, guys?

Stuart Wellington

[27:40] Well, I mean, it's behind a waterfall that everybody is staring at and shocked about.

[27:47] I feel like so much of the direction of this movie was telling a large cast of talented actors

[27:52] to be amazed at things they can only imagine.

[27:56] And now, guys...

[27:58] And then imagine being those actors and going to the actual movie and being like,

[28:02] I still can't fucking see it.

[28:03] Now, I want to take a tangent and show you a little bit of Flophouse behind the scenes.

Elliott Kalan

[28:14] Dan did not...

[28:16] Was not interested.

[28:16] He didn't take kindly to the fact that whenever Mothra was on screen,

[28:19] I would sing as much as I remember of the Mothra song that the Mothra twins sing in the original Mothra.

[28:27] And, you know, I would be a cad if I were to force him to listen to it now and from an audience.

[28:33] Still can't believe we made it this far.

[28:36] Okay.

[28:37] Keeping in mind, I do not know Japanese.

[28:39] This is just based on the sounds of the words in the song.

[28:41] Babe, this is the problem right away.

[28:44] It is filtered through 20 years of life.

[28:47] Danger, Will Robinson.

[28:48] Just every time I see Mothra, I just want to hear...

[28:51] He's not going to stop.

[29:12] He's not going to stop.

[29:13] Don't miss it, Luke.

Stuart Wellington

[29:15] And this is sang by two tiny little women, right?

[29:19] Yeah, yeah.

[29:19] Two tiny ladies, the Mothra twins.

Dan McCoy

[29:21] So you're saying you don't speak Japanese.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] Strange as it is to believe.

[29:27] All right.

[29:27] So anyway, back to this movie because that does not happen in this movie.

[29:29] Oh, boy.

[29:30] And Maddie and Vera are fighting.

[29:32] She's like, you're the monster mom, which to be honest, every parent hears at some point in their life.

[29:36] Whether you're waking up monsters or not.

[29:39] But then she overhears Vera...

[29:40] So what can you do?

[29:41] Just wake up all the monsters.

[29:42] Who cares?

[29:43] She overhears Vera's plan to use the orca.

[29:46] Again, that's the monster calling, calming, talking to device.

[29:49] It's like the machine Danny DeVito makes in The Simpsons to talk to babies.

[29:53] But for monsters, because I guess a baby's kind of like a real life monster.

[29:58] They're constantly screaming, breaking things, ruining your life.

[30:02] And a monster's going to keep you up at night just like a baby.

Dan McCoy

[30:07] Guys, you've had experience with babies, right?

[30:10] I guess that now that...

Stuart Wellington

[30:13] I can't even make that...

[30:15] Moving on.

[30:16] I mean, I have experience with baby, the mystery of the lost legend.

[30:19] About a dinosaur.

[30:20] There's a monster.

[30:22] Is it a secret?

[30:23] I think I know about it.

Elliott Kalan

[30:26] So it's not really a mystery either.

[30:28] What are you trying to say?

[30:30] I'm saying we better get back to the movie because she overhears her plan to use the orca to call Ghidra.

[30:36] And then question mark, question mark, question mark, save the day.

[30:39] It's like step one, call Ghidra.

[30:41] Step two, something.

[30:42] Step three, no more monster problems.

[30:44] Where's she going to find like a stadium to amplify that signal to make it loud enough that King Ghidorah is going to hear it?

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] Uh, Fenway?

[30:53] Yeah!

Elliott Kalan

[30:53] Boston, Boston, Boston, Boston, Boston.

[30:55] Boston, Boston, Boston.

[30:58] Watch out.

[30:58] Apparently accidental local color.

[31:00] Woo!

[31:00] We didn't plan it.

[31:01] And it's good because Boston does not come out well from the movie.

[31:06] Although I will say, okay.

[31:08] Just a little flash forward.

[31:09] There's all this destruction going on.

[31:11] Yet that Sitco sign is still standing proudly.

[31:15] When they, I assume they landmarked that thing because Godzilla gingerly steps around it.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] Rather than get in trouble with the housing commission.

[31:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] There's a point where King Ghidorah steps on a giant Dunkin' Donuts billboard.

[31:28] And I could just imagine my wife being like, fuck you.

Elliott Kalan

[31:33] Don't fuck with my donkeys.

[31:36] It's like the part in Transformers when Megatron just punches the American flag off the Brooklyn Bridge.

[31:41] It's like, that seems petty.

[31:43] So, uh, the Monarch dudes, they find Godzilla recharging underwater in some kind of ancient hidden underwater temple.

[31:50] As if, I think as Stuart pointed out, he was Cthulhu, dead, waiting, sunk in Ralea.

[31:55] Mm-hmm.

[31:55] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[31:56] He's just like that.

[31:57] But instead, it's Godzilla and it's super, what?

[32:00] Super, like, radiation-y?

[32:02] Yeah.

[32:02] Is that the term?

[32:03] It's very radiation-y because of Godzilla.

[32:04] I don't remember.

[32:05] I don't, it was a while since I watched Chernobyl.

[32:07] They say radiation-y in there.

Elliott Kalan

[32:08] Yeah, yeah, that's the way you describe that.

[32:10] It's radiation-y.

Stuart Wellington

[32:11] In between chain smoking.

Elliott Kalan

[32:12] Stuart was like, how many runt-igans is it?

[32:15] He really wanted to show off what he learned from Chernobyl.

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] 3.5.

[32:17] That's as high as the meter goes.

Elliott Kalan

[32:19] So, uh, they're like, it's only-

Stuart Wellington

[32:21] Godzilla lies there surrounded by graphite.

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] And it made me, I was talking to Stuart, it made me wonder if, uh, if, so dead Cthulhu lies sleeping in Ralea.

[32:29] If ever his alarm goes off and he's like, uh, and he just hits the sleep button and then, like, sets the alarm for another million years.

[32:36] I hope he does.

[32:37] I don't want him to come back up.

[32:38] Anyway, uh, they're like, hey, there's only one way to wake up Godzilla because he's a big dude.

[32:43] Set off a nuke in his face.

[32:46] But we're in this submarine and for reasons I've forgotten, the weapon systems don't work.

Dan McCoy

[32:52] Yeah, nukes are Godzilla's spinach.

[32:55] He's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[32:58] I'm gonna go get Ghidorah.

[33:01] He's like, ah, well, I'll get Ghidorah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:02] That's a pretty good impression.

[33:03] Breathe in with my fire breath.

[33:05] Ghidorah.

[33:06] Blow me down.

[33:07] That kind of stuff.

[33:08] And, and, uh, Mothra's like, Popeye, Popeye, hell.

[33:11] And, and King Ghidorah's like, ur, come with me.

[33:14] They're all mumbling under their breath constantly.

[33:18] Because they didn't want to animate the bowels.

[33:21] They didn't know what they were gonna say.

[33:22] Godzilla's just walking past these beautiful parallax backgrounds.

[33:26] That's an old Fleischer Brothers Popeye joke.

[33:28] Anyway, so, uh, they're like, we have to set it off manually.

[33:31] And it's like, yeah, I guess you do have to rip off the end of Pacific Rim.

[33:34] So anyway, uh, Dr. Serizawa's like, I don't want to be in any more of these movies.

[33:39] I'll do it.

[33:41] And he goes, and he sets the nuke timer, and then he, he turns to Godzilla,

[33:45] and I think maybe even puts his hand on Godzilla's nose,

[33:47] and Godzilla opens his eyes, and he's like, goodbye, friend.

[33:50] And then the nuke goes off.

[33:51] And Kyle Chandler is like, hey, you know what?

[33:54] I like Godzilla now.

[33:56] I think it's time for us to team up with him.

[33:59] Oh!

[34:00] So anyway, back to Boston.

[34:02] That's right, Beantown.

[34:03] It has seen better days.

[34:05] Because King Ghidorah shows up, Maddie pulled off the plan.

[34:08] Ghidorah shows up, Maddie's like, I don't know what the second part of the plan was.

[34:11] And she's running around, Fenway is smashed, which is too bad,

[34:14] because it's sad to see another historic stadium torn down so they can build, what,

[34:18] some kind of mega mall that happens to have baseball in it,

[34:22] and then name it after a company?

[34:24] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[34:26] Dan, I know you have strong feelings about this.

[34:28] Is that a reference to, like, things that happen in life?

[34:31] I don't even know.

[34:33] I don't.

[34:34] You're not the baseball fiend.

[34:36] I thought you were.

[34:37] We could call David.

[34:39] No, we don't need to do that.

Elliott Kalan

[34:41] We could get your brother in there.

[34:42] No, that's okay.

[34:43] We'll just move on.

[34:44] Anyway.

[34:45] We could FaceTime for the audience.

[34:46] Anyway.

[34:47] No, that's all right.

[34:49] I like what you're leading them up to a thing that's not going to happen.

Dan McCoy

[34:54] There he is, folks.

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] Wouldn't it be amazing if we did FaceTime?

[34:58] And he's like, yeah, it happens all the time.

[34:59] B-roll, B-roll, B-roll.

[35:00] It's all ready.

[35:02] I had it queued up just for this call.

[35:06] Like, that's what you spent your honeymoon doing?

[35:09] So, Gidra shows up.

[35:11] She's about to electrify Maddie.

[35:14] And I don't mean in an exciting Peter Frampton way.

[35:17] I mean in a, like, shooter with a lightning bolt.

[35:19] But then, who comes in to save her, stealing the Tyrannosaurus Rex's bit?

[35:23] Godzilla.

[35:24] And he's got the American fleet behind him.

[35:27] Oh, no.

[35:28] They got it there real fast.

[35:31] Anyway, it's like Boston's the site of D-Day 2.

[35:35] G-Day.

[35:36] I should have saved G-Day for this time instead of saying it earlier.

[35:39] And the problem is Godzilla, that nuke, he's so pumped up.

[35:42] But he's too pumped up.

[35:43] He's primed to explode like an atom bomb.

[35:45] How do the scientists know this?

[35:47] But they even have a timer that tells them how long it's going to be before he blows up.

[35:52] Because he's all glowy.

[35:53] Yeah, I think they...

[35:53] He's always glowy.

Stuart Wellington

[35:55] I mean, I don't want to go on a limb here.

[35:57] I'm not a scientist.

[35:59] But I would imagine it has something to do with bioacoustics.

Elliott Kalan

[36:03] Uh...

[36:03] Stuart, you make a fair point.

[36:06] The bioacoustics are going crazy.

[36:08] At this point, Godzilla has gone electric, just like Dylan.

[36:10] And the Fokies are real mad.

[36:13] They're like, you lie!

[36:15] Yeah, Pete Seeger's like, this is outrageous!

[36:18] Godzilla used to be cool!

[36:19] Godzilla steps on him.

[36:21] And then Godzilla's like...

[36:22] Which I guess sounds more like Marlon Brando and the Godfather than Bob Dylan.

[36:30] So, uh...

[36:32] They start fighting.

[36:33] Mothra and Rodan start fighting.

[36:35] They have like a little side bout.

[36:36] I guess before the main title card.

[36:38] And Rodan's got Mothra on the ropes.

[36:40] And Mothra kills Rodan with her stinger.

[36:42] And it's like, whoa!

Stuart Wellington

[36:43] And we were like, holy shit!

[36:45] And we're giving each other high fives.

[36:46] And Dan gets up off the floor and starts doing the Charlie Brown.

Dan McCoy

[36:50] What? I was asleep.

[36:51] I ran out of the hotel.

[36:53] Took a few laps around the building.

[36:54] Came back up.

[36:56] That's it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:57] Yeah, and I was kind of...

[36:57] More to that.

[36:58] Look, let me just say personally.

[36:59] I don't like that Rodan took a real heel turn in this one.

[37:02] Rodan, he'll always be part of the original threesome for me.

[37:05] Godzilla, Mothra, and Rodan.

[37:07] Best buds.

[37:08] Not in this movie, though.

[37:09] In this movie, Rodan's a real dick.

[37:11] So Godzilla and King Ghidor are having this big fight.

[37:15] And this fight is when the movie kind of lives up to its potential for a little bit.

[37:20] They're fighting and it's really cool.

[37:22] Ghidra grabs Godzilla and his talons and flies him into the low Earth orbit?

[37:28] Because then he drops him and Godzilla is burning upon re-entering the atmosphere.

[37:33] It's crazy.

[37:34] But they keep cutting back to the stupid humans so we can find out about their dumb stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] And Godzilla collapses in the ground after he hits the Earth.

[37:42] And I was really hoping that his old friend Charles Barkley would show up.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] We talked a little bit about what would be the cooler thing to happen at the end.

[37:51] Would it be if Ash showed up with a Pokeball and was like, looks like you need a little bit of Jigglypuff.

[37:55] Or would it be Charles Barkley showing up?

[37:58] Would it be like, I don't know, maybe the Planet of the Apes apes show up?

Dan McCoy

[38:02] I think when he hits the ground, a cartoon Godzilla ghost should have come up from him.

[38:07] Yeah, playing a little harp.

Elliott Kalan

[38:09] And they're like, Godzilla, what a great trick.

[38:11] Yeah, but I can only do it once.

[38:15] That would have been really funny.

[38:16] For some reason, I'm imagining nine ghosts like when a cat dies in a cartoon and has nine lives.

[38:20] Godzilla's got more than nine lives, though, as we'll see.

[38:22] Spoiler alert.

[38:23] So anyway, the Chandler clan is reunited.

[38:25] Wonderful.

[38:26] They fix the orca monster calling device and Vera sacrifices herself to drive away with it

[38:31] so that she can distract Ghidra long enough for Godzilla to recover.

[38:35] But she gets a super cool last couple words, right?

[38:39] Because Ghidra's like chasing after her and Ghidra's like, I'm going to lightning slap you, bitch.

[38:44] And she's like, I'm just interpreting what he said in his roar.

[38:47] He's a jerk.

[38:48] He uses language like that.

[38:50] And she goes, long live the king.

[38:52] And Elvis himself steps out and hits Ghidra over the head with a guitar.

[38:58] But there's two more heads.

[38:59] Luckily, he's got two more guitars because Jimi Hendrix is right behind him.

[39:03] And there's Bob Dylan.

[39:05] I think that might have been when your ayahuasca kicked in.

[39:09] Do you guys remember the part where the great gazoo came in and was like, let's dump this guy, dum-dums?

[39:16] And then like my third grade teacher was there.

[39:20] And I've learned a lot about myself.

[39:21] I woke up naked in the middle of Boston Common.

[39:27] Just a tri-corner hat on your penis.

[39:31] But like a regular size one or a little teeny one?

[39:34] Yeah, yeah.

[39:34] Up to you.

[39:35] A little wig underneath?

Stuart Wellington

[39:37] I mean, I wasn't going to presume about the size of your penis.

Elliott Kalan

[39:43] Moving on.

[39:44] So, because who shows up?

[39:47] It's Godzilla himself.

[39:48] It's so close to the end.

[39:48] And he is so super radioactive.

[39:50] He is melting buildings as he passes by them.

Stuart Wellington

[39:52] Yeah, he got extra pumped up this time because at the last moment Mothra sacrificed herself and got blasted by King Ghidorah.

[40:00] And then her Mothra dust fell on Godzilla, I guess, and gave him extra powers?

Dan McCoy

[40:05] I think so, yeah.

[40:06] Like a one-up mushroom.

Stuart Wellington

[40:07] I was really hoping that a child somewhere would be watching and be like, he's getting power from her dust.

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] I mean, it is the moment in the movie that is most accurate to the Japanese movies where that kind of stuff would happen.

[40:19] Instead, they've posited by this point that Mothra is the queen of the monsters to Godzilla's king of the monsters.

[40:24] And one of the soldiers is like, so is there something going on between the two of them?

[40:28] And I was like, dude, get your mind out of the gutter.

[40:30] Come on.

[40:31] Let's not think about him that way.

[40:33] It's an honorary title.

[40:34] Come on.

[40:35] And again, but it's also one of those things where like, she must be the queen of the monsters to his king of the monsters.

[40:39] And it's like, these are not the terms they're using to describe themselves.

[40:42] Don't put labels on this relationship between a giant moth and a giant radioactive tyrannosaurus type thing.

[40:49] Uh-huh.

[40:50] But I guess she likes thicker monsters, Mothra.

Stuart Wellington

[40:52] Oh, I do.

[40:55] Oh, lordy.

[40:56] When he comes running up on King Ghidorah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] Anyway, Godzilla, he unleashes nuclear blast after nuclear blast.

[41:01] It melts King Ghidorah like the gremlins at the end of Gremlins 2.

[41:05] And then, uh-oh, one of Ghidorah's heads start rising up again.

[41:08] Is he back?

[41:09] Nope.

[41:09] Godzilla's just chowing down on it.

[41:12] And he vaporizes it through King Ghidorah's throat with his radioactive fire.

[41:17] All the monsters come and bow to Godzilla as he stands atop the ruins of Boston.

[41:22] Which, the ruins look much bigger than a city like Boston would probably create.

[41:27] But what are you going to say about that?

[41:31] They had to take a little bit of license because, you know, if Boston was accurate size, Godzilla would just kind of like step on it and not notice and just keep walking.

Stuart Wellington

[41:38] Yeah, maybe this posits an alternate world where when monsters showed up, Boston just built a lot more buildings.

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] Yeah, yeah.

[41:45] So the monsters bow to Godzilla and he roars.

[41:47] Finally, he is undefeated as the king of the monsters.

[41:50] Or is he?

[41:51] Because during the credits, this is the craziest part.

[41:53] I knew they were going to set up a King Kong battle.

[41:55] Of course they are.

[41:56] And there's some headlines on websites that are like,

[41:59] Monsters head to Hollow Earth Tunnel in Skull Island.

[42:02] Is a king bigger than a god?

[42:04] But they also have headlines that are like, Monster poop, the best fertilizer, monster cells, a new superfood.

[42:11] Plants grow everywhere.

[42:12] 14 species taking off endangered species list.

[42:15] Godzilla rebuilds the Amazon forests.

[42:16] Yeah, it literally says that.

Stuart Wellington

[42:18] It's basically like the entirety of the movie Batteries Not Included where these little space robots help these old people save their building, right?

Elliott Kalan

[42:25] Except the old people are humans and the building is Earth.

[42:28] But it was like, wait, so just having monsters.

Stuart Wellington

[42:30] But at no point it's like Godzilla climb onto a little grill.

[42:33] And somebody confuse them with a burger patty and put cheese on them.

Elliott Kalan

[42:35] It'd have to be a pretty big grill and a pretty big piece of cheese to throw in Godzilla.

[42:40] Anyway, I guess we're the only ones to remember Batteries Not Included.

[42:43] Nobody else here likes the later works of Don Amici.

[42:46] Guess I won't start talking about Karina Karina.

[42:48] Anyway, so.

[42:49] But it posits that the monsters will really solve every single environmental problem we have.

[42:55] And then Kong battle is teased.

[42:57] Credits.

[42:58] And then the end of the credits.

[43:00] Uh-oh.

[43:00] Charles Dance.

[43:01] He didn't die in this one.

[43:02] And he's brought to somewhere.

[43:04] An underground warehouse.

[43:05] Uh-huh.

[43:06] Where they've got one of Ghidorah's heads.

[43:08] Uh-oh.

[43:09] Something tells me we might see a Mecha Ghidorah at some point.

[43:13] And if we don't, fuck this movie.

[43:17] Don't tease me that way.

[43:19] All right.

[43:20] All right.

[43:20] Really, really, really fast.

[43:21] Yeah, we're running long.

[43:22] Sorry.

Dan McCoy

[43:22] Really fast.

[43:23] Final judgments.

[43:24] This is a good bad movie.

[43:25] A bad bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[43:25] A movie kind of like Elliot.

[43:26] Go.

[43:27] I did not like it.

[43:28] I thought it was a bad bad movie.

[43:29] Well, because it's just like, it's a boring movie.

[43:31] It doesn't want to give me monsters.

[43:32] And I want monsters from my monster movie.

Dan McCoy

[43:34] Yeah.

[43:34] I'm going to say it's a bad bad.

[43:36] Two, the way you explained it, even with all your weird digressions and us not actually

[43:40] seeing the movie, was much clearer than the actual plot of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[43:44] I cut out a lot of the scenes where people talk around fake science stuff and Bradley

[43:48] Whitford's making jokes about nothing in particular.

[43:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:51] It's just real dull.

[43:52] Elliot.

[43:53] Or Elliot.

[43:54] Stuart.

[43:55] What?

Stuart Wellington

[43:56] Stuart.

[43:57] I'm Stuart.

[43:58] Stuart?

[43:58] You know, I've gone on record saying I like a big Godzilla, you know, like I like one

[44:07] with a lot of meat on his bones, but this movie, not so much.

[44:11] This movie could have lost a little bit of meat because I feel like if you edited out maybe

[44:15] an hour of it and it was mainly just monster fights, I'd be down.

[44:19] So bad bad movie.

[44:21] All right.

S4

[44:26] Does our podcast deep dive into the weirdest Wikipedia pages we can find?

[44:30] Yes.

[44:31] Do we learn about scam artists, remote islands, horrible mascots, beautiful diseases, and mythical

[44:36] monsters?

[44:37] Yes, yes, yes, absolutely and yes.

[44:39] Do we retain any of this knowledge?

[44:42] Probably not.

[44:43] I'm Emily Heller.

[44:44] I'm Lisa Hanawalt.

[44:45] We make art and comedy and TV shows and also the podcast Baby Geniuses.

[44:49] For the past eight years, we've been trying to learn new things about the world and each

[44:53] other every episode.

[44:54] But let's be honest, this podcast is mostly about two friends hanging out, shooting the

[44:58] breeze, and making each other laugh.

[44:59] We're horny, we like gardening and horses, and we get real stupid on here.

[45:03] But like, in a smart way.

[45:05] Yeah.

[45:05] Join us every other week on Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[45:08] Baby geniuses tell something you don't know.

[45:14] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

S4

[45:16] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.

[45:19] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

Dan McCoy

[45:22] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[45:23] You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my

[45:28] internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[45:31] I hear their cases.

[45:32] I ask them questions.

Stuart Wellington

[45:33] They're good ones.

[45:34] And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.

Dan McCoy

[45:36] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire one of the worst

[45:41] dad jokes of all time.

S4

[45:43] Instead of cutting his own hair with a flowbeat, my husband has his hair cut professionally.

[45:49] I have to join a community theater group.

Dan McCoy

[45:51] And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

[45:54] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[45:56] Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

[46:03] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

[46:08] Hey, everyone.

[46:09] Hoping that you're enjoying this live Godzilla show.

[46:15] The second show along with Alita Battle Angel from our double show in Boston.

[46:21] Both of them very good.

[46:23] We miss doing these shows dearly.

[46:25] We hope to have the chance to get back on the road sometime soon.

[46:32] But since this is a live show, you know what that means.

[46:34] A solo ad read.

[46:37] And the first sponsor of the show is Squarespace.

[46:43] A service that helps you create a beautiful website to turn your cool idea into a new website.

[46:50] Again, that should not be a separate bullet point blog or publish content.

[46:54] Sell products and services of all kinds and much, much more.

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[47:05] Everything optimized for mobile right out of the box.

[47:08] A new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions.

[47:13] Free and secure hosting.

[47:15] My God, Squarespace.

[47:16] How do you do it?

[47:17] Look, it's 2020.

[47:18] Every one of you should have a website.

[47:21] Each and every one of you should go out and make a website with Squarespace.

[47:26] I don't care if you don't have any sort of public-facing persona or any business.

[47:32] Just make a website and put up pictures of your dog.

[47:38] You might ask, doesn't Instagram do that for me for free?

[47:41] Yeah, but you know, make it a destination.

[47:45] You know?

[47:46] Make it special.

[47:47] Make it real nice for everyone.

[47:49] Hey, we're also sponsored by the Kitty Poo Club.

[47:53] The Kitty Poo Club.

[47:55] Who is giving us money to make me say Kitty Poo Club.

[47:59] Are you a proud cat person?

[48:00] Like I am.

[48:02] You love your cat, but that doesn't mean you love having a litter box in your home.

[48:07] Lord, no.

[48:08] It's a box full of dusty, clumpy sand that your cat pees and poops in.

[48:15] Kitty Poo Club takes care of the more unpleasant parts of cat ownership so you can get back to loving your furry friend.

[48:22] Yeah, you don't want to resent your furry friend for pooping.

[48:25] Everybody poops.

[48:27] I read a book about it.

[48:28] Hey, every month, Kitty Poo Club delivers an affordable, high-quality, recyclable litter box that is pre-filled with the litter of your choice.

[48:36] The boxes are leak-proof, eco-friendly, and have a fun design for every season.

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[48:47] When the month is up, just recycle the box, and Kitty Poo Club will automatically deliver a new one to you.

[48:54] No changing used litter and no more cleaning the box.

[48:57] Right now, Kitty Poo Club is offering you 20% off your first order when you set up auto ship by going to kittypooclub.com and entering promo code FLOP.

[49:11] Just go to kittypooclub.com and enter promo code FLOP to get 20% off when you set up auto ship.

[49:19] That's kittypooclub.com.

[49:22] And don't forget to enter promo code FLOP at checkout to help support our show.

[49:32] We have a couple of JUMBO TROMs here.

[49:35] JUMBO TROMs.

[49:37] That, um...

[49:39] Yeah, TRON, the movie TRON was angry.

[49:43] They were going to sue us for a copyright infringement.

[49:46] So now we're JUMBO TROMs.

[49:48] A long-time flopper, first-time TRON-er, Ben Carter, with a dumb JUMBO TRON asking Flophouse Nation to support the Kentucky Equal Justice Center.

[49:59] It's a righteous org working to make sure everyone, black, brown, or white, has the health care, housing, and money they need to thrive.

[50:08] Floppers love horror, and KEJC fights actual horrors like poverty, racism, evictions, gerrymandering, and zombie debt collection.

[50:19] That's legit what it's called.

[50:21] Help KEJC keep the horror where it belongs in Shocktober.

[50:28] And you can donate to the Kentucky Equal Justice Center at bit.ly slash dumbotron.

[50:36] That is Dumbo like the elephant.

[50:39] What a nice JUMBO TRON to help the world.

[50:44] This message is for JoJo.

[50:48] It is from Justine.

[50:51] And Justine says to JoJo,

[50:53] Happy birthday, little brother.

[50:55] Here's to the world's greatest 37-year-old man trapped in the body of a 26-year-old boy.

[51:01] My gift to you is hearing happy birthday from the mouths of three gentlemen, well, one, who might actually have chuckled at your proposal to name a new truck, Alan Truck.

[51:12] Keep being my favorite, also only, brother.

[51:16] Love, teeny.

[51:17] I would have chuckled at Alan Truck.

[51:20] Thank you for sharing it.

[51:22] That's all before we get back to the live show.

[51:26] I hope that we will have something to announce about a virtual live show soon.

[51:32] But as of this moment, we rejoin ourselves in Boston.

Stuart Wellington

[51:39] We like to close out these shows with a little bit of audience questions.

Dan McCoy

[51:45] And we've got...

[51:46] You asked it, was that a question?

[51:48] Yes, we do.

Elliott Kalan

[51:49] We've got, let's say, around 12 minutes.

[51:51] There's a microphone right there.

[51:52] We can't answer too many questions.

[51:54] We'll try.

[51:54] We've got to make these questions fast and furious.

[51:57] Another reference to Stuart's presentation from earlier.

[51:59] Oh, bless you.

[52:02] Godzilla, bless me.

[52:04] Hey, guys.

[52:06] Hello.

S4

[52:07] So, if you guys were a kaiju, who would you be?

Stuart Wellington

[52:12] Well, I would obviously be Gamera because I'm a friend of children everywhere.

Elliott Kalan

[52:19] And I do a lot of cool spin attacks.

[52:21] That's true.

[52:22] And you can flame out of your leg holes.

[52:25] I want to believe I'd be Godzilla, but I'd be probably one of the awkward ones like Megalon.

[52:30] Can't really do anything.

Dan McCoy

[52:32] Look, I've always had a fondness for Mothra.

[52:35] I know she's supposedly the queen of the monsters.

[52:38] I don't care.

[52:38] I'm not going to box myself in that way, Elliot.

[52:41] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[52:42] And I mean, I think it also makes sense because of the way that you react to the Mothra song.

Elliott Kalan

[52:48] Yeah, Dan, every time I sing it, it's like you can't help it.

[52:52] I think it might be a hate crime, so that's why I don't like it.

[52:55] Hate crime.

[52:56] I'm not sure.

[52:57] I just...

[52:58] All right, next question.

[53:00] Lyman.

[53:01] Oh, shoot, that's too obvious.

[53:03] Sorry.

[53:03] L.

[53:05] It's okay.

[53:05] Just ask the question.

[53:06] Okay, anyway.

[53:07] I have a...

[53:08] This movie features a lot of flying monsters.

[53:11] You know it.

[53:12] A lot of flying monsters.

[53:13] Yeah, and that's impossible, right?

[53:15] The biggest birds weigh under 20 pounds.

[53:17] So what I want to know is, like, are there any movies out there that actually feature, like,

[53:23] realistic physics, kind of, about, like, giant monsters?

[53:26] Any giant monster movies that feature realistic physics?

[53:29] I would take issue with the 20-pound limit you're setting on flying animals.

[53:33] Quetzalcoatl, anyone?

[53:34] Thank you.

[53:34] Anyway, okay.

[53:35] So...

[53:36] But he had hollow bones.

[53:39] That's how he stayed so thin, no matter what he ate.

[53:42] I don't...

[53:43] Realistic...

[53:44] I mean, any monster that big would probably collapse under its own weight at a certain point.

[53:50] They're literally thousands of feet tall.

[53:51] And they're radioactive, so their cells are deteriorating rapidly.

[53:56] It doesn't make you stronger, right?

Dan McCoy

[53:58] What about, like...

[53:59] Not like the Hulk, yeah.

[54:00] What about the blob, when the blob gets really big?

[54:03] Because the blob doesn't have...

[54:04] It's, like, just a blob.

Stuart Wellington

[54:05] I guess, yeah, I guess the blob is just a blob.

Elliott Kalan

[54:09] Yeah.

[54:09] It's all...

[54:10] It's all...

[54:10] I think I'm going to call that McCoy's Theorem.

[54:15] Next question.

Dan McCoy

[54:16] Hi.

[54:17] Mike, last name withheld?

[54:19] Hey, Mike.

Stuart Wellington

[54:20] If you were not in the Flophouse, God forbid, and you were at...

[54:24] And you were at one of your own live shows, what question would you ask yourselves?

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] What question would we ask ourselves if we were not in the Flophouse at a Flophouse live show?

[54:35] I'd be like, Dan, why'd you kick me out of the Flophouse?

Dan McCoy

[54:40] My question would be, how dare you, sir?

[54:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[54:44] How dare you, sir?

[54:49] I would say, hey, guys.

[54:53] If you had a stand from the comic book series Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, which of the major arcana of the tarot would you choose?

[55:05] And what colors would you use?

[55:09] I await my answer.

[55:12] Next question, please.

Dan McCoy

[55:17] Sam, last name withheld?

[55:20] Fuck, marry, kill.

[55:21] Godzilla.

[55:23] Ghidorah.

[55:24] And America's sweetheart, Kyle Chandler.

Elliott Kalan

[55:26] Oh, okay.

[55:26] Fuck, marry, kill.

[55:27] Kyle Chandler.

Stuart Wellington

[55:28] That's crazy.

[55:29] You marry Kyle Chandler.

Elliott Kalan

[55:32] He's such a good coach.

[55:34] I mean...

[55:34] Yeah, I mean, this is a weird...

[55:35] Like, okay, can we all talk about Fuck, Marry, Kill for a second?

[55:38] Because...

[55:39] Dan, if you're going to question the premise of something that is obviously, we don't want to kill these people.

[55:43] Come on.

[55:44] Dan...

[55:45] I'm just saying...

[55:46] Are you going to take a brave stand against this thing nobody really wants to do?

[55:49] Look, I'm just saying...

[55:50] Hold on.

Dan McCoy

[55:52] This whole game posits a Lockhorn-style world where marrying someone means the death of sex.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] No, I don't think that's it at all.

[56:01] It's that who is the person that you want to...

[56:03] Because if you marry someone...

[56:04] Who is the person that you want to be with all the time and have sex with all the time?

[56:07] Who's the person you just want to do it once because the story's going to be nuts?

[56:10] And for me, that would be King Ghidorah.

[56:14] Wow.

[56:15] I would marry Godzilla.

[56:16] Kyle Chandler, I'm sorry.

[56:17] Just...

[56:18] I don't have anything against you, but you just didn't make the cut.

[56:22] I'm a G fan.

[56:22] Come on.

[56:23] I'm not a Friday FNL fan.

[56:27] Friday Night Lights.

[56:28] Not the same degree.

Stuart Wellington

[56:30] You're saying you have...

[56:32] Wait.

[56:33] Closed eyes and wait.

[56:36] Yeah, my heart is empty.

[56:37] An empty heart.

[56:37] Empty heart and I always lose.

[56:39] Did it.

[56:41] Oh, man.

[56:42] Smoke's coming out of my ears.

Dan McCoy

[56:45] Okay, next question.

[56:46] You're very good with antonyms, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[56:50] Hi, I'm Jake.

[56:52] A couple years ago, I sent you guys a letter asking you about the machete order for the Fast and the Furious.

[56:57] You never actually answered the question.

[56:59] Oh.

[57:00] Oh.

[57:00] That's not why I'm here.

[57:01] Oh, thank God.

[57:03] I was worried for a second.

[57:04] Thank God.

[57:05] I was like, that's how it ends.

[57:07] Well, I've got a machete for you.

[57:09] Shing.

[57:10] So, a few years before that, a friend of mine showed me a movie called The Zero Effect.

[57:15] And we sat there.

[57:16] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[57:16] And he was like, if you don't laugh at this one particular moment, I know that you're not going to enjoy the rest of the movie.

[57:22] It was when Ben Stiller was unlocking locks for like 10 or 15 minutes of the movie.

[57:28] So, have you ever shown a movie to someone when you sat them down and you're like, I know you're not going to have fun with this if you don't have fun with this particular moment?

Stuart Wellington

[57:35] And what is that moment?

Elliott Kalan

[57:36] A movie where you show it to somebody else and you know if they're not going to like this moment, they're not going to like the whole movie.

[57:43] Hmm.

[57:45] You sit down with someone and you say, you're going to watch the last half hour of Mother.

[57:47] And if you don't like it, let's not watch the first hour and a half.

[57:51] Because this movie is not going to a place you want to go.

Stuart Wellington

[57:54] I remember right after college sitting down with my ex-girlfriend's dad and pulling out a recently purchased copy of the DVD of Blade 2.

[58:07] And I'm like, if he's not into this opening, I don't think he's going to like the rest of it.

[58:12] And that was really true.

[58:15] But I liked it.

Dan McCoy

[58:17] I mean, I know that we go to the...

[58:19] He's more of a Blade 1 guy.

[58:21] I know that we go to the Gremlins 2 well a lot.

[58:24] But if you don't like the fact that the movie begins with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck fighting over the Warner Brothers logo, you're not going to...

[58:31] If you're like, what the...

[58:33] I thought this was a Gremlins movie.

Elliott Kalan

[58:35] Show them the door, please.

[58:38] That's a good point.

[58:38] Okay, next question, please.

S4

[58:39] Hi, Michelle.

[58:40] Last name is Mofeld.

[58:42] I need help settling an argument.

[58:44] Who would win in a fight?

[58:45] Godzilla or Superman?

Elliott Kalan

[58:47] Who would win in a fight?

[58:48] Oh.

[58:50] Are we talking pre-crisis or post-crisis Superman?

[58:53] I'm just going to leave now.

[58:55] Because pre-crisis Superman could move a planet.

[58:58] But post-crisis, John Byrne was like, let's depower him a little bit.

[59:01] Here's the...

[59:02] I think, ooh, probably Superman.

[59:04] Because he'd fly him into space and hurl him in the sun.

[59:06] But here's the story I want to tell.

Dan McCoy

[59:08] Yeah.

[59:08] And I always wanted to tell it...

Elliott Kalan

[59:09] I always wanted to tell it in a sad way.

[59:11] That they...

[59:13] Godzilla's destroying the city.

[59:14] And they enlist Dracula.

[59:15] And he bites Godzilla, turning Godzilla into a vampire.

[59:18] So the sun destroys him.

[59:19] But the radiation from Godzilla's blood kills Dracula.

[59:22] And they build a statue to him.

[59:24] Because he sacrificed himself to save humanity.

[59:27] So, Stuart, who do you think would win?

[59:31] Dracula?

Dan McCoy

[59:34] Hey, guys.

[59:34] I just wanted to see what's going on this side of the...

Elliott Kalan

[59:37] Oh, Dan has gone to the other side of the room.

[59:39] Oh, okay.

[59:39] Are you done?

[59:40] Do you have an answer to the question, Dan?

[59:41] No.

[59:42] Okay.

[59:42] Let's move to the next question, then.

Stuart Wellington

[59:43] I think Dan's Superman knowledge begins and ends with Lois and Clark.

[59:49] Of which, Godzilla never appeared.

[59:51] No, that's true.

[59:54] Well, hey, Tony, last name withheld.

[59:57] Hello.

[59:57] I know Elliot likes fried chicken.

[1:00:00] You know it.

[1:00:01] You just said.

[1:00:02] So I was wondering, which kaiju would you like to eat and how would you prepare them?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:05] Oh, man.

[1:00:07] What kaiju would I like to eat and how I would prepare...

[1:00:09] Well, let's say fried.

[1:00:12] Come on.

[1:00:13] You gotta go with Rodan, because he's a big bird.

[1:00:15] It's the biggest fried chicken ever.

[1:00:17] Although he might be too spicy for you, because he's like a firebird.

[1:00:21] Yeah, that's true.

[1:00:21] And I prefer mild to spicy.

[1:00:23] Also, you know what?

[1:00:25] I'd take Angiris, and I would just cook the ribs, barbecue them, because he's got big ribs.

[1:00:30] Yeah, sure.

[1:00:31] How long do you think it would take you to skeletonize a kaiju, Elliot?

[1:00:34] To skeletonize?

[1:00:35] Yeah.

[1:00:36] I mean, more than I have time on this earth, Dan, probably.

[1:00:40] I mean, which kaiju are you talking about, though?

[1:00:41] Because there's some are bigger than others.

[1:00:42] Like, because Eberra?

[1:00:44] Crack them open.

[1:00:45] I mean, it's not skeletons.

[1:00:46] It's exoskeleton, I guess.

[1:00:47] That was a bad choice.

[1:00:48] You look like an asshole.

[1:00:50] What about Spidor?

[1:00:50] The giant...

[1:00:50] No, but he's, again, exoskeleton.

[1:00:52] Okay.

[1:00:53] Or Spidor?

[1:00:53] We're wasting everyone's time.

[1:00:54] Please.

[1:00:55] Hi.

S4

[1:00:56] Hollis, last name withheld.

[1:00:57] I would like to play Radio Zork.

[1:00:59] Oh, okay.

[1:01:00] Someone...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:00] Someone would like to step up and try their hand at Radio Zork.

[1:01:04] Everyone's favorite text-based...

[1:01:05] Radio call-in.

[1:01:07] Choose your an adventure show.

[1:01:09] Yeah, please.

S4

[1:01:09] I would like to scream.

[1:01:11] Just for, like, a while.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:13] Okay.

[1:01:13] You scream at the door for a while.

[1:01:16] Time passes.

[1:01:18] Your throat becomes hoarse.

[1:01:20] There is no answer.

[1:01:22] Thank you.

[1:01:22] The door remains closed.

[1:01:23] Thank you for playing.

[1:01:24] That's Radio Zork.

[1:01:27] I got to tell you.

[1:01:28] Not a bad strategy.

[1:01:29] Oh, no.

[1:01:30] One of these days, someone's going to get that dang door open.

[1:01:32] We're going to start this adventure.

[1:01:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] Josh, last name withheld.

[1:01:37] My friend is, unfortunately, he was going to be here tonight, but he can't be.

[1:01:41] He is moving from Medford to Maryland for a job.

[1:01:45] And Elliot, specifically, could you give him a piece of advice for someone who had to move locationally recently?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:52] Oh, okay.

[1:01:53] Move locationally versus...

[1:01:56] I guess temporally, as we're all doing.

[1:01:58] Yeah.

[1:01:59] We all move through our lives, you know?

[1:02:01] Yeah.

[1:02:02] Islands in the stream, I call us.

[1:02:05] Advice for someone moving temporally.

[1:02:07] Here's the thing.

[1:02:07] As an adult, it's hard to make friends without seeming creepy.

[1:02:10] And especially when you're in a new place.

[1:02:12] But you've got to push through that.

[1:02:14] Because without a local social network, you're going to feel isolated.

[1:02:17] And you're going to start thinking you don't like it there.

[1:02:19] When really, you just don't like being by yourself, probably.

[1:02:22] So, reach out to people you work with.

[1:02:24] Or, if there's a local club that does things you like, rocketry, chess.

[1:02:28] Make sure it's an adult club, not a kids' club.

[1:02:30] But, like...

[1:02:32] What about the Burger King kids' club?

[1:02:33] That's just what I was going to say.

[1:02:34] That's okay for everybody.

[1:02:35] Because we're all kids when we're at Burger King.

[1:02:37] A kid can be a kid.

[1:02:39] Right?

[1:02:39] That's what Burger King slogan?

[1:02:42] Don't look at me.

[1:02:44] So, that's what I would say.

[1:02:45] Good question.

[1:02:45] And good answer.

[1:02:47] Next question, please.

[1:02:47] Wait, hold on.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:48] Is the Burger King slogan, have it your way?

[1:02:50] The Burger King slogan is have it.

[1:02:51] Because that can't seem very angry.

[1:02:53] Like, have it your way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:55] It's a passive-aggressive slogan, yeah.

[1:02:58] We made these choices for a reason about what we put on a burger.

[1:03:01] But, sure.

[1:03:01] Have it your way.

[1:03:02] Have it your way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:03] It's a Burger King world.

[1:03:05] You're just living in it.

[1:03:07] Is that one?

[1:03:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:09] Godzilla, Burger King of the Monsters.

[1:03:13] Next question, please.

[1:03:14] The penultimate question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:16] So, a friend of mine's seven-year-old saw this movie, and I asked him what he thought of it,

[1:03:21] and he said it was the best movie he'd ever seen.

[1:03:23] And I thought...

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:24] I mean, to be fair, if I saw this when I was seven, it probably also would have been the best movie I ever saw.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:29] Right.

[1:03:30] I mean, I was thinking if someone asked me that when I was seven, I probably would have said The Cat from Outer Space.

[1:03:35] But I was wondering...

[1:03:37] What about Seven Samurai, dude?

[1:03:41] I mean, it has seven...

[1:03:42] I'm just thinking of, like, shitty things.

[1:03:43] Okay, I'll show you.

[1:03:44] I mean, when I was seven, Videodrome was really big.

[1:03:47] Anyway, you're saying...

[1:03:48] Just wondering, you know, if someone had asked you guys when you were seven what your favorite...

[1:03:52] What the best movie you ever saw was.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:53] If someone asked us when we were seven what the best movie we ever saw was.

[1:03:57] I think mine would have been Beastmaster.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:59] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:00] It's a good one.

[1:04:01] Similar to...

[1:04:02] A lot of ferrets.

[1:04:03] Got a couple ferrets in it.

[1:04:04] The FQ is very high in that movie.

[1:04:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:08] I would have said, and this is going to shock Dan McCoy, who was loudly telling me earlier this movie does not work, Dark Crystal.

[1:04:14] A movie I still love.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:15] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[1:04:16] Whoa, let's be clear.

[1:04:17] I think the movie is beautiful.

[1:04:19] I love Jim Henson and all he did.

[1:04:21] I think that it's an amazing work of imagination.

[1:04:24] Sense and a butt.

[1:04:25] The Brian Frow designs are great.

[1:04:28] I just think that narratively, as a piece of drama, it's kind of boring.

[1:04:33] Continue.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:33] My seven-year-old self and my 37-year-old self would disagree, but that's okay.

[1:04:38] We live in America.

[1:04:39] Everyone can have different opinions about Dark Crystal or whether they need more information from Alita Battle Angel.

[1:04:44] A little reference when you hear that episode.

[1:04:46] Stuart, what would you say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:48] Maybe Ski Patrol?

[1:04:52] It's about some people who work for a ski patrol and they get into trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:59] All right.

[1:05:00] Last question.

[1:05:01] Better be about Ski Patrol.

[1:05:04] I'm Jack.

[1:05:05] Last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:06] Dan, in a previous episode, I think it was the Robin Hood episode.

[1:05:10] Beat to the fire, Dan McCoy.

[1:05:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:13] I'm scared for a couple reasons.

[1:05:15] Number one, I don't know where this is going.

[1:05:16] Number two, this man is far too handsome to be a podcast fan.

[1:05:22] Dan, why are you insulting everyone else in the audience, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:26] Just to suck up to the stranger.

[1:05:28] Dan.

[1:05:30] This is like, it was announced we were on a new podcast streaming service.

[1:05:36] We were newly on an old podcast streaming service.

[1:05:38] And Dan was like, we're on this service now.

[1:05:40] We used to not like them, but now they're okay.

[1:05:43] Dan, you don't need to say everything.

[1:05:46] That's a me.

[1:05:48] Then anyway.

[1:05:49] Go on, sir.

[1:05:50] I'm sorry.

[1:05:50] Handsome question asker.

[1:05:51] What did Dan say that you either want to know more about or attack him for?

[1:05:53] He's not going to like this, but he referred to himself as chaotic good because he liked

[1:05:59] watching porn on airplanes.

[1:06:04] I don't recall that.

[1:06:06] I have to assume there's some context that made more sense.

[1:06:10] I'm sorry.

[1:06:10] Change that up a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:12] I can not mind nude scenes on airplanes, but continue.

[1:06:15] I think we'll have to consult the record at some point.

[1:06:17] I do not watch porn on airplanes.

[1:06:21] No one report me.

[1:06:22] I don't want to have to go.

[1:06:22] I mean, it's all, it's art.

[1:06:26] The Dan character, maybe.

[1:06:29] I don't know.

[1:06:30] Sorry, go on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:30] But on the lawful, chaotic, good, bad axis, where would you, Elliot and Stuart, put yourselves

[1:06:37] and maybe some other Flophouse favorites like the house cat or crawdaddy?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:43] Well, the house cat is obviously true neutral.

[1:06:48] You could never, he goes where the wind takes him.

[1:06:52] I'm probably lawful good, you know.

[1:06:55] I follow the rules.

[1:06:56] Pay my taxes.

[1:06:58] Don't comb my hair.

[1:06:59] Wait, do you?

[1:07:01] Shut the fuck up.

[1:07:03] What are you, a cop?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:08] I'm probably, I'm probably annoying good.

[1:07:11] I think that's probably my status.

[1:07:13] And crawdaddy, when he was young, he was chaotic good.

[1:07:15] But now, I know when you're living in a Connecticut suburb and there's a, you put up a basketball

[1:07:23] hoop in the driveway and they tell you to take it down because it's against the neighborhood

[1:07:28] regulations back in the bayou.

[1:07:31] You'd shoot that man.

[1:07:34] But here in the nutmeg state, we'd take down a hoop.

[1:07:36] So now he's lawful good.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:39] I can't think of a better way to end than with the appearance of the most popular thing

[1:07:44] on our show, crawdaddy.

[1:07:47] Thank you so much for sticking around for a late show.

[1:07:52] Thank you to City Space.

[1:07:54] Thank you, Boston.

[1:07:56] Thank you to the Boston area.

[1:07:57] For the Flop.

[1:07:58] We usually would hang out.

[1:08:00] We can't.

[1:08:00] It's a late show.

[1:08:01] But thank you for coming.

[1:08:03] For the Flop Boss.

[1:08:03] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:04] I've been Shore Wellington.

[1:08:06] I'm Ellie Kalin.

[1:08:08] Thank you for being here.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:17] It's kind of a disappointment, but...

[1:08:19] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:29] You say on this episode, we talk about...

[1:08:32] MaximumFun.org

Dan McCoy

[1:08:41] Comedy and culture.

[1:08:42] Artist owned.

[1:08:44] Audience supported.

Ep. #329 - Godzilla: King of the Monsters LIVE

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