Ep. #332 - Primal

[0:00] On this episode, Cagemas has come again! We discuss Primal!

[0:06] That's right, Flophouse fans, our sixth Kevin Durand movie, it's Durandica! It's a miracle!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:43] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:44] I'm Elliot Kalin, and we've got a special guest today, right Stu?

[0:49] We do. He's a comedian. He's a writer and author. He's a TV writer and EP and all kinds of stuff.

[0:57] and he's a podcaster that's right josh gundelman hello thank you for having me

[1:04] thanks so much for being here josh now josh uh you were known widely uh for being one of the

[1:12] nicest men in comedy how do you feel about us compelling you to perhaps say some not nice

[1:19] things about this movie we watched i'm well thank you that's very kind of you to say that

[1:24] and i'm i'm excited to talk about this i love nicholas cage i love cage miss on your show i'm a

[1:31] cage miss devotee and so i just i can't wait to talk about this good and bad just all discourse

[1:37] valuable discourse yeah i believe i believe when i was emailing with josh i was like yeah you can

[1:43] you can kind of pick any movie you want to talk about or i guess you could be on the cage miss

[1:48] episode and i got an immediate response that just said cage mess i was so excited as as a uh as a

[1:56] jewish person i often felt growing up on the outside of my friends cage miss celebration so

[2:01] as an adult it's nice to be able to make it my own it's it's hard because it's just i'm dealing and

[2:06] you know with kids now it's hard because they see all their friends celebrating cage miss that same

[2:09] way and you just forget how much you're bombarded as a kid with cage miss even in schools there's

[2:14] the cage miss pageant cage miss carols uh cage miss cage where they put the jewish kids uh so

[2:20] that they don't steal anyone's blood and make matzah out of it it's it's just a rough time

[2:25] right and you know nicholas cage comes by and gives all the the cageman uh kids uh you know

[2:32] like white pythons and uh and you know pyramid uh mortuaries uh you know like as presents yeah

[2:40] Yeah, first appearances of Superman, that sort of thing.

[2:43] And Mongolian Tyrannosaurus skulls, he has to return, yeah.

[2:46] I was always asking my parents, why do we celebrate Jean-Claude Van Damme?

[2:53] And they were like, it's eight nights of Jean-Claude.

[2:57] No, you see, he was only supposed to be able to do splits on a table, but he jumped and did a split on a kitchen counter.

[3:04] It was a miracle.

[3:05] He does so many splits, that guy.

[3:07] he only had enough crotch for one split but he did eight splits i mean it is the best way to

[3:13] show off that amazing butt oh my lord it is yeah come on uh so and and dan of course speaking for

[3:20] the uh butt worshipers that's his religion uh now this why i guess uh primal that's the question

[3:29] our audience is asking right now yeah i mean i feel like this is a year when there's been so

[3:33] many great nicholas cage movies have just poured down the pipeline why did we why did we take out

[3:40] our panning pan stick it into the river of cageness movies and pull out this one i mean i i do think

[3:47] that we had there were a lot of uh jujitsu partisans on twitter and i'm sure we will get to

[3:53] that but at this moment we're like let's go with the one we can watch uh with our hulu subscription

[3:58] rather than paying for jiu-jitsu um so that that was that was the thing behind that one and then

[4:04] like you know the other movies he was in this year like i mean people have been trying to get us to

[4:09] do color out of space and i'm like what are you talking about that is a great movie i love color

[4:14] out of space yeah uh i mean i think it's because i think it's because it has a big nicholas cage

[4:19] performance and sometimes i you know i don't want to speak ill of people but sometimes people see a

[4:26] big nicholas cage performance and they think it's a bad nicholas cage performance and i'm like no

[4:30] no no no no no no no no no that's a good nicholas cage performance yeah it's like going to benihana

[4:39] and being like just give me the food it's like no no that's what you're coming here for it's like

[4:43] you're you might be at the wrong restaurant if that's what you're looking for sir yeah i love

[4:49] the idea that someone is just like i just had a long flight i just want to stop i just checked

[4:53] into my hotel what's the nearest restaurant banhannas okay great i'll try it and he's like

[4:57] give me why are you just flipping one shrimp at a time at me i don't want it to go in your hat

[5:02] just give it to me i'm so hungry i'm so hungry now it is almost as if dinner is the show right

[5:09] now and that is not what i want sir it's bad well i am let me just bang my fist on the table in

[5:15] anger oh god oh it's so hot this table it's like the table is a griddle what's going on here i'll

[5:22] be taking my business to medieval times from now on they have none of this shenanigans

[5:30] just mutton without fuss just give me all i want is to sit at my table

[5:39] eat a squab with my hands while i drink pepsi out of a mug and not have to deal with any sort of

[5:45] drama so um kind of on the subject of medieval times this movie begins in the rainforest in

[5:55] brazil okay i mean that's an interesting segue in that those two things are not related at all

[6:01] well well the reason here's the connection if you go to a medieval times there's a chance you'll see

[6:07] an exhibition of falconry falcons okay do not live in the rainforest but other birds do okay

[6:15] i mean i feel like you that is the equipment you took a you took a faucet you shoved it in

[6:19] a pumpkin and you said there that works turn it on and i'm like okay i'll go with it

[6:23] so yeah movie begins smash cut rainforest brazil exterior nicholas cage playing a character named

[6:33] frank walsh my second favorite nicholas cage character named frank after of course frank

[6:38] cadillac from the movie next oh yeah yeah that is that the one where he knows what's going to

[6:44] happen next yeah oh yeah that's that's that's the one where he runs a deli and he's just constantly

[6:50] yelling out next but then one day the ticket machine breaks nobody has a number ticket and

[6:57] he doesn't know what to do and he goes into a spiral kills a lot of people uh and then eventually

[7:03] we want he like shoves one guy's hand into the meat slicer and just keeps slicing away and i'm

[7:08] like take your hand out of there until it's just like a stump he just slices the hand away oh what

[7:12] a great movie anyway next that's my recommendation for this week i guess so uh next to list cage

[7:19] sits in a hunter's blind reading a real estate listing uh he has a bunch of uh traps set up and

[7:26] he senses something is up in the woods that's right a white jag attacks his traps and then

[7:31] attacks him now let's be clear that this is a a jaguar the cat a a white jag uh you know the the

[7:39] The car did not, like, run into the tree that he was set up in.

[7:42] Yeah, not like someone's uncle who works in finance and knows what was cool 35 years ago.

[7:47] Yeah, yeah.

[7:48] And it also wasn't the star of the TV show JAG, David James Elliott, who is white, you know, but, you know.

[7:56] Was his character named JAG?

[7:58] Is that why he was called JAG?

[7:59] Yeah, James Elliott.

[8:00] I've never heard of this person in my life, and I know that that is a tremendously popular show.

[8:05] It was on the air for 10 years, Dan.

[8:07] he played the lead character harman rav jr a name i'm sure you're familiar with your mastery over

[8:13] jag makes it sound like you had to write a paper on jag at some point which can't be true i majored

[8:18] in jag studies uh that was that was for my uh my grad degree i have a doctorate in jag

[8:24] so there's white jag in jagriculture

[8:28] i've always it's been my dream to be named secretary of jagriculture in the cabinet and

[8:35] I was hoping Biden would tap me, but unfortunately he did not. For that job, he just tapped me on the

[8:40] shoulder in kind of a creepy way and then saying like, hey, looking good. And I was like, I liked

[8:44] you, but that was not okay. And maybe in the next administration, who knows? Dan, I assume that

[8:49] you're, Dan, you're just more familiar with Patrick Laburoteau's character, Budrick Bud Roberts Jr.,

[8:54] also on JAG. Oh, is Dan watching an episode of JAG now and that's why he's not paying attention

[8:59] to the show? Yeah, that makes sense. I think he might've frozen because he's streaming JAG right

[9:03] now anyway so stewart a white jaguar a right a white jaguar attacks nicholas cage and what

[9:09] happens from from this point on to be referred to exclusively as a white jag uh attacks nicholas

[9:15] cage they uh they roll around the ground movie over yeah very short they roll around the ground

[9:21] uh and nick manages to stab the jaguar in the shoulder with a trink dart and the cat eventually

[9:28] collapses blood covering its maw nicholas cage's blood thankfully not cut to a small village where

[9:36] nicholas cage has an argument with his driver diego who refuses to drive him citing the gato

[9:41] phantasma a local legend about a white jaguar uh from here on out known as a white jag uh nicholas

[9:48] cage says that is not a man eater nope that the white jag is worth a million bucks so he has to

[9:53] drive this thing by himself through the jungle and at this point i'm like oh my god this is

[9:58] gonna be like sorcerer but instead of dynamite it's a white jag now i'd like to take issue with

[10:05] this scene because nicholas cage you know yeah he makes a big point about how like this is a not a

[10:10] man eater he's like only i think she said tigers and polar bears will stalk humans as prey and then

[10:16] the rest of the movie does its best to undercut this is definitely a man eating i think there's

[10:24] oh sorry oh no go ahead i think we might be about to say the same thing let's say it in unison okay

[10:29] you you go first and then i'll uh i'll tell you if it was the thing i was thinking okay i was gonna

[10:34] say that it does seem like i don't think he's saying it's not dangerous because i had that

[10:38] same thought i think he's saying they don't want to eat you but they but i don't think he means it

[10:44] won't kill you like i think if it if i think he's implying like this is a big dangerous cat

[10:49] but he's they're not like trying to eat and consume humans no it's hunting for fun and sport

[10:55] yeah yeah when the jaguar looks at a person he doesn't see a big chicken leg uh or like a can

[11:01] that says jaguar food yeah instead he sees like a like a toy or a doll that he can rip apart with

[11:06] his mouth uh now that's i was gonna say that but also i was gonna say this this beginning sets up

[11:11] nicholas cage as being not the greatest guy and also not really being that great at his job he's

[11:16] very good at catching animals but he doesn't seem to really understand animals and this is shown by

[11:21] his uh his uh kind of cantankerous rivalry friendship with a parrot that's always chasing

[11:27] him and this parrot is a character that is not given his due in the movie there is so much like

[11:32] he that character has so much potential and they never use it so could have been his iago and they

[11:38] just don't go with it you know also i at this point in the movie i'm like is this movie going

[11:43] to ask me to sympathize with someone who is trafficking in endangered animals is that the

[11:51] game the movie is playing because i am not necessarily going to go along with that movie

[11:54] now by the end they make some like small stabs at uh making his motivations more sympathetic

[12:02] but still seems like i'm just like i don't know guys yeah he's trafficking animals to save an

[12:09] orphanage right because some uh some land developer is going to bulldoze the orphanage

[12:13] so the only way they can save it is animals are going to break dance yeah the only way to win it

[12:18] back is if a white jaguar break dances and that means they can raise the money to save the rec

[12:22] center orphanage yeah i would pay to see that show i would be like wow this is great or and if

[12:27] If the breakdancing doesn't work, the white jaguar could just maim the land developer.

[12:31] Oh, yeah.

[12:33] That's another good idea.

[12:34] Now, Stuart, you said he's about to get in the truck.

[12:37] This is going to be a Wages of Fear, sorcerer style, just like white knuckle thrill ride as he tries to drive down these rocky, steep, kind of just overgrown jungle roads with this dangerous animal in the back of the truck.

[12:49] It's just a two-hander.

[12:50] While he's drinking.

[12:51] While he's drinking.

[12:52] It's a two-hander.

[12:52] There's Nick Cage and this jaguar.

[12:54] The jaguar versus the cage war in this drive.

[12:57] That's the movie, right, Stu?

[12:58] Yeah, that's, you know what?

[13:00] You would think like a lesser movie would make that the entire plot, but nope.

[13:04] That's just the credit sequence where we get somewhat thrilling music and kind of simple shots of the car driving through the jungle.

[13:12] We get all the credits during this time.

[13:14] The name Primal hits the screen.

[13:16] We're pumped.

[13:16] Okay.

[13:17] Now, we mentioned earlier that sometimes Nicolas Cage will bring, let's say, a large performance.

[13:24] And sometimes Nicolas Cage brings kind of a more subdued performance.

[13:27] We've already gotten a little bit of a taste of Nicolas Cage,

[13:30] and we're going to get, obviously, a full meal over the course of this movie.

[13:33] So what do you guys think so far?

[13:36] I think he's bringing the goods today, guys.

[13:39] He's chomping on a cigar.

[13:40] He's stomping around.

[13:41] He's being a jerk to literally everybody in the movie.

[13:44] What do you guys think?

[13:45] I would say this is what I would call middle cage, which is not bad.

[13:50] We all reach middle cage eventually, you know, and it's just natural and healthy.

[13:53] God willing.

[13:54] yeah god yeah thank you yes god you know from your from my mouth to god's ears for all of us yeah

[13:59] uh does god have ears that's the weird thing he's just kind of a disembodied universal spirit but

[14:03] he's got big ears uh so that this is the kind of cage that we see in stolen i mean ganesh has big

[14:10] ears right and ganesh is a god well because he's got an elephant's head yeah but that's not his

[14:14] birth head so but uh so get so that it's not nicholas cage big big bad lieutenant and it's

[14:20] not nicholas cage bangkok dangerous just sleepwalking through it this is nicholas this

[14:24] is only nicholas cage we're like this is the nicholas cage that should be starring in a one

[14:28] hour procedural that i would watch every episode of it would be super fun call it ncis nicholas

[14:33] cage investigative services yeah i would say this is a medium nicholas cage and then occasionally

[14:40] we'll get a taste of a crazier cage in there i agree i feel like you get occasionally his line

[14:47] readings will be like occasionally yeah occasionally yes of course um like when he

[14:54] the like him being in a feud with a parrot that kind of like he kind of peaks occasionally where

[15:00] he did where there someone is like oh this parrot and he's like a real einstein and it's like you

[15:05] didn't need to come in that hot kids you really this like what did this parrot do to you and uh

[15:11] but i kind of like his he's got kind of like a um an aggrieved schlub attitude like it's almost

[15:18] cage stanza like george cage stanza he's just like constantly coming up with rules that like

[15:23] no one else plays by he's like mad at things that no one else knew was a thing it's great

[15:28] and you're like the whole time you're like famke jensen's character is flirting with you dude be

[15:33] nice you don't have to be a jerk to everyone and he's like i mean i read the game and i read for

[15:40] the game sean pan got it uh and so this is how i treat women it's the kind of african queen

[15:46] humphrey bogart bogart that's the halloween humphrey bogart katherine hepburn flirting

[15:52] where it's like we hate each other and then suddenly we love each other it's that kind of

[15:56] flirting you know i don't i mean i would say i one of the things i liked about this movie is i

[16:00] think at the beginning of the movie uh famka jansen is it jansen i would say i'd say jansen

[16:07] but i might be wrong uh pompa jansen is like famous amos that's yeah she goes it's pronounced

[16:14] famous amos but she makes cookies famous amos is appropriately kind of uh treating nicholas cage

[16:23] as like this drunk asshole and then as the movie goes on she acquires a baseline appreciation

[16:30] for like how he's uh good at helping in this situation and at the end there's like

[16:36] the glimmer of maybe there could be a romance but i like that most of for the most part like

[16:41] they dispense with the idea that just because there's a man or a woman in the movie they have

[16:46] to like each other baseline appreciation equals flirting dan that's what i said okay this is also

[16:53] kind of the relationship like latter-day steven seagal has with the female leads in his movies

[16:58] where like the person who's directing the movie kind of rightly realized like no one wants to see

[17:04] this happen like nobody wants to see them hooking up like nicholas cage is not like does not like

[17:11] cut a sensuous figure in this movie he's like belligerent he's he's he's rude and unpleasant

[17:17] and he's like kind of like uh unkempt it's just like it's like a bridge too far like at the end

[17:23] of the movie where it seems like they they have kind of a an appreciation for one another and

[17:28] like maybe a companionship you still aren't like god i hope i hope they go for it yeah

[17:33] they can make respect is what they reach yeah and i think there's something i mean uh nicholas cage

[17:39] and pamela jansen are the same age i believe so i appreciate that the movie has two stars where if

[17:45] they did get into a romance you'd be like that's great nicholas k i don't have to imagine nicholas

[17:49] cage macking all over some woman 40 years younger than him you know yeah you're like that's great

[17:56] It's nice that he found someone.

[17:57] Yeah.

[17:57] You know what?

[17:58] They could build, you know, they've got a shared frame of reference.

[18:00] They grew up at the same time.

[18:01] They're at the same place in life.

[18:04] Like, they really could build, like, a stable, not particularly exciting, but, like, you know, just a good relationship where they see each other when they see each other.

[18:12] And, you know, there's no expectations because, well, are they going to raise a family together?

[18:17] No.

[18:17] They both have their own careers.

[18:18] They're not expecting one to, like, do favors for the other.

[18:21] One's not 26 years younger and pretending to be Spanish, let's say.

[18:26] yeah and i mean they're gonna have they're gonna have that white jag money and you know

[18:30] a house on pine lake is that what he keeps talking about that's what he wants the whole

[18:34] time he's just talking about how i mean when we first see him reading that real estate magazine

[18:38] while he's sitting in the hunter's blind it's like that tableau tells us everything we need

[18:41] to know about nick cage in this movie he is real estate hungry he's a hunter and he's not

[18:45] taking care of himself it also tells you the kind of like the nuance that went into making the movie

[18:52] right like the magazine was called real estate it just said real estate there was no like title

[18:58] of the magazine there was no location on it they're just like he's looking at houses i don't

[19:02] know real estate idiot write it on the front uh now i just want to mention again so this i because

[19:08] i don't think we're going to talk about it much this parrot uh we learn later has a trick where

[19:13] he can say when he sees a gun he says take the shot take the shot this never pays off which is

[19:18] The minute they did that, I was like, eventually, Nick Cage is going to have to shoot the bad guy, and the parrot's going to say, take the shot.

[19:24] But it does not happen.

[19:25] Hold on.

[19:26] Doesn't it?

[19:26] I think that later on, doesn't he say, hey, idiot, my gun isn't drawn, when the parrot says, take the shot.

[19:34] And then the parrot flies off, and he gets suspicious.

[19:37] He's like, oh, maybe this parrot saw another gun, and that's when he briefly finds the bad guy.

[19:43] That is the most minimal.

[19:44] That's a minimal payoff.

[19:45] We're being paid pennies on the dollar if that's the payoff for that bit.

[19:48] The payoff should be that Nicholas Gage gets told by the parrot when to shoot the bad guy.

[19:53] That's true.

[19:53] Yeah, just with kind of an Ed Harris wearing a beret intensity, if that makes sense.

[19:58] It makes the most sense.

[20:02] No, I just imagine Ed Harris coming back from a trip to Paris, and he's like, call me Ed Paris.

[20:08] I'm going to be French now.

[20:09] And he's just wearing a beret and listening to a lot of Edith Piaf music and just being like, oh.

[20:14] Serge Gainsbourg.

[20:15] Yeah.

[20:15] We got to make that happen.

[20:18] Guys, let's start a Kickstarter to send Ed Harris to Paris.

[20:20] Yeah, forget Emily in Paris, Harris in Paris.

[20:26] It was originally called Ed Harris in Paris,

[20:28] and then Ed Harris dropped out at the last minute,

[20:30] and they replaced him with Emily.

[20:31] And then it was supposed to rhyme,

[20:33] and now it still rhymes, Emily in Paris.

[20:35] I was actually at the concert where Jay-Z and Kanye West

[20:39] performed Ed Harris in Paris like 13 times in a row.

[20:41] Oh, wow.

[20:43] People were psyched.

[20:44] It was fun.

[20:44] Yeah.

[20:47] So, Nicholas Cage is loading his exotic animal collection onto a container ship.

[20:55] He's annoyed because the ship is going to have to stop at Puerto Rico, and that's going to mess up his timetable.

[21:02] When a bunch of armed soldiers, led by a U.S. Marshal, played by Michael Imperioli,

[21:08] arrive to escort a prisoner, played by the one, the only, Kevin Durant.

[21:15] flop house fave uh who is doing like a like a kind of a hannibal lecter soldier type thing

[21:22] in my notes i refer to it as hannibal lecter by way of your friend's uncle's impression of hannibal

[21:27] lecter it it also felt to me the nicholas cage presence also felt made it feel like oh this is

[21:36] cyrus the virus like this is con boat is what we're about to do yeah yes that's that is definitely

[21:41] con boat it is animal there's snakes on a plane with more animals crossed with con boat and uh

[21:48] i think i think i think kevin durant is also like he's like well nicholas cage is in this movie i

[21:54] got like whatever whatever scenery he's leaving unchewed i gotta i gotta jump on that i gotta

[22:00] eat up those scraps even for just like i better match nick cage's intensity and then after the

[22:04] third day of shooting was like are you gonna amp it up at all nick or am i like because i feel like

[22:08] I'm balanced here uh so uh I just I just want to pitch to you guys this idea off of the concept

[22:14] con boat which I love okay yep okay Thor Heyerdahl wants to prove that it's possible people could

[22:20] travel great distances using like a log built raft boat unfortunately his crew is made up of

[22:27] escaped convicts that's right it's con c-o-n tiki and it's like it's exploration it's adventure

[22:34] it's action and at the end

[22:37] somehow this wooden raft explodes

[22:39] guys how much money will you pay me to make

[22:41] this movie

[22:41] I mean a wooden raft's not that expensive right

[22:45] so you don't need that much money but I'm gonna

[22:47] need a bunch because we're gonna blow it up a few times in the

[22:49] movie oh okay so I mean

[22:51] it's so you're paying for but also

[22:52] the talent I'm hoping to get in this movie is gonna be

[22:55] enormous you're gonna have

[22:56] probably Gary Oldman

[22:58] as Thor Heyerdahl because we've seen he can play someone

[23:01] much younger than himself in Manc there was at no

[23:02] point during mank where i was like no this is clearly an old man pretending to be a much younger

[23:06] man this is an old man pretending to be much younger i'm watching a 43 year old and sometimes

[23:11] a 35 year old in the flashbacks and i'm totally buying the illusion that this is the person i'm

[23:15] seeing uh now i haven't seen mank but do they do the same technique as when they do like better

[23:20] call saul flashbacks and they just uh brush uh bob odenkirk's hair forward and you're like he's a

[23:24] 20 year old slipping jimmy over here they don't even do that uh mank kind of exists in a world

[23:30] where he is always an old man even when he's a young man now and for the convicts i was thinking

[23:35] the muppets so that's going to make the shoot much more expensive because i just saw muppet

[23:39] treasure island and i was like yes that's how to do it muppets on the open seas that's going to

[23:44] make it more expensive yeah you're gonna have to yeah you're gonna have to have divers underneath

[23:47] doing the i you know elliot i've never financed the movie before but that's probably like

[23:54] not a dangerous investment so sure i'll i mean it is i mean it is a dangerous investment dan

[24:00] because my lawyer is a shark literally and he will eat you during negotiations the most dangerous

[24:06] investment where you invest in elliot's movie and then a shark hunts you your ship your shipwrecked

[24:13] on an island where a guy is trying to sell you bitcoin and that's the most dangerous investment

[24:17] yeah uh so uh so stew who else so okay so they're all getting on the boat i apologize we're like

[24:22] No, it's okay. We all got very excited when Michael Imperioli and Famke Jensen show up.

[24:29] Famke Jensen plays the special doctor who's there to look after the prisoner.

[24:33] Now, this prisoner is not only dangerous, but he also suffers from a rare condition where if he goes to a certain altitude, he'll have a seizure and die.

[24:43] That's why he's on the boat and not on a plane.

[24:46] This is the second movie I've seen in the last two weeks where that happens,

[24:49] but in the first movie, it's a secret, so I won't say what movie it is.

[24:53] Oh, okay.

[24:53] Oh, interesting.

[24:55] It's called Secret Seizure.

[24:57] Yeah, pay attention to the episode.

[24:58] Josh will be dropping little Easter eggs the whole time.

[25:01] Little Easter eggs as to what other movies I've seen in the last two weeks.

[25:04] Yeah.

[25:04] Okay, so Nicolas Cage makes friends.

[25:07] Let's just say one of them took place in 1984,

[25:10] and I'm not saying George Orwell wrote it.

[25:14] So Nicolas Cage makes friends with people on the boat by being a huge asshole to everybody.

[25:18] He explains that he's selling that white jag to the highest bidding zoo.

[25:23] He originally went to find a regular jag for peanuts, but now he found this white one.

[25:27] So, man, he's going to make bank.

[25:29] The feds are transporting an elite assassin counterterrorist who, as I said, can't fly because of a malformation on his brain that would kill him if he changes altitude.

[25:38] So there's a reason they're on a boat, guys.

[25:40] OK, chill out.

[25:43] Also, the romance of, you know, boat travel.

[25:45] That's the thing.

[25:46] He, like, comes on with a big steamer trunk.

[25:48] There are other convicts waving the handkerchiefs as they leave.

[25:54] Yeah, yeah.

[25:54] Now, the convict's name is Loeffler,

[25:57] so I'm going to try and refer to him as Loeffler

[25:59] or maybe sometimes Kevin Durant for the rest of this.

[26:02] So, Nicolas Cage introduces...

[26:04] Now, what's Famke Janssen's character's name?

[26:06] Dr. Taylor?

[26:08] Okay, you're right.

[26:10] It is Dr. Taylor.

[26:11] I think you're going to get the last name.

[26:12] not have gotten any you know she's a serious lady because her name is two jobs yeah professional

[26:20] uh yeah so nicholas cage introduces the son of the captain because the kid of the captain's kid

[26:29] that was originally gonna be the name of the movie is uh captain's kid realized it didn't make sense

[26:34] or con con boat captain's kid colon it's called it's called con toddy and it's three toddlers

[26:41] have to sail a raft across the ocean

[26:43] to prove that toddlers could have populated

[26:45] South America or wherever?

[26:46] Elliot is really banking on

[26:48] contiki jokes this whole episode.

[26:50] And it's not even a book I read

[26:52] recently. I read this book 25

[26:54] years ago, I think. Anyway, it's by

[26:57] Tot Heyerdahl.

[26:59] It's all spelled D-O-L-L like a kid's toy.

[27:01] So Nick Cage

[27:03] is introducing this kid to his menagerie of

[27:05] critters. Not actual critters, the

[27:07] krites from outer space. These are normal animals.

[27:09] But he describes each of these animals so you know each of the specific things he mentions are going to come back later.

[27:16] So when he talks about these monkeys peeling off your face, start watching your face, boys, because these monkeys are going to get loose and start face peeling.

[27:23] And when he talks about how his parrot says, take the shot, do not get your hopes up.

[27:27] Do not get your hopes up.

[27:27] That will not play into the climax.

[27:28] You will be bummed.

[27:29] Also, I mean, I don't know if you guys have this problem.

[27:32] I could not tell.

[27:33] Like, parrots are not known for their ability to enunciate.

[27:37] So I actually didn't know what that parrot was saying.

[27:40] I should have put on the subtitles for the parrot.

[27:42] Yeah, because the thing he was saying was that the parrot hates guns.

[27:47] Yeah.

[27:48] Right?

[27:48] That was like a trait of this parrot's personality.

[27:50] Yeah.

[27:51] Right.

[27:51] So I would not expect to take the shot if he hates guns.

[27:54] Yeah.

[27:55] Or maybe he just hates people holding guns and not shooting them.

[27:58] Who knows?

[27:59] Yeah.

[27:59] He's a big fan of his favorite gun, Chekhov's.

[28:05] The parents are like, hey, production for use, production for use.

[28:08] That was for Elliot, by the way.

[28:10] Oh, thank you, thank you.

[28:10] His Girl Friday.

[28:11] Anyway, so also, which animals are CGI and which are not?

[28:15] The white jaguar is very clearly a computer animated jaguar.

[28:19] Oh, wait, really?

[28:20] I think it was – they reappropriated it from like a Sega CD game from 1996.

[28:26] Yeah, it seemed like a demo, like a sound effect reel they would play before a DVD, like a production reel.

[28:34] If that jaguar was any more CGI, he would be winking and rapping at some point during the movie.

[28:39] I mean, I think that they're, I mean, in the cages, maybe there were some real animals, but I think everything was CGI after that.

[28:46] Even the tapirs?

[28:47] Maybe not the snake.

[28:48] The tapirs looked real.

[28:50] I'll say that.

[28:51] I think they got a real tapir onto that boat, in which case, more power to you.

[28:55] God help you.

[28:55] I've tried, and it's hard to get a tapir onto a boat.

[28:57] Yeah, I mean, Nicolas Cage trains his own tapirs.

[29:02] That's what he does.

[29:02] Well, he trains them, and then you have to pay him to have them in the movie.

[29:06] It's like a grift he's got going on.

[29:07] Actually, they wanted to hire his tapers for the movie, and he's like, if I get the role.

[29:12] Well, we kind of already promised it to Michael Dudikoff.

[29:15] No, no, no.

[29:16] It's my movie now.

[29:17] These tapers are the best in Hollywood.

[29:20] Well, we'll just use pigs instead.

[29:23] Are you kidding me?

[29:24] I know pigs are roughly the same shape and size as tapers, but it is not going to look as good on camera.

[29:29] No, I mean we'll get a pig, and we'll put like a little trunk on it.

[29:31] No, no, no, no, no.

[29:33] You want to come in with a pig?

[29:35] Our movie Primal is going to seem generic.

[29:37] If we use pigs instead of tapirs.

[29:41] Now, imagine this same movie, but it's made by kids, and all the animals are just their pets.

[29:46] So it's like dogs and cats, but they're pretending that they're wild animals.

[29:50] That would be pretty cute.

[29:51] It would be pretty cute.

[29:53] Like if a bunch of kids did a Be Kind.

[29:55] Was it Be Kind Rewind?

[29:56] Was that the most deaf Jack Black movie?

[29:58] Yeah.

[29:59] Yeah, where the little kid would, like, soot smeared on his face to look like 5 o'clock shadow like Nicolas Cage has.

[30:05] Oh, yeah, that'd be adorable, yeah.

[30:07] Chomping on a cigar.

[30:08] It'd be a candy cigar because, you know, children shouldn't be even pretending to smoke a cigar because I think that just sends a bad message to kids, right?

[30:16] Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[30:17] I mean, nobody should really be smoking cigars.

[30:20] I hope the tobacco lobby doesn't come out, but there's really no good side to it.

[30:24] I mean, they smell bad and you look like an asshole.

[30:29] Best case scenario, you look like Rudy Giuliani, and is that really such a good case scenario?

[30:35] Without cigars, how would you know that someone was a newspaper editor?

[30:40] No, but you might also think they're just very rich.

[30:43] That's true.

[30:44] They're chomping on a cigar.

[30:45] Okay, so.

[30:48] Only one person should chomp on cigars, and that's the alligator from Pogo.

[30:52] Or Mrs. E.C. Cigar.

[30:58] whoa whoa dan some some blue humor about the creator of popeye

[31:03] um so at this point in the movie right they when they bring in uh loffler and they're like he's

[31:12] being openly contemptuous of them in like a very that that i think was that vibe of like his open

[31:18] contempt for the law that was like whose uh charge he was in that's what felt to me like con air and

[31:24] i was like at this at that moment like as soon as they lock him into that cage and she's watching

[31:29] over him she's like i'm always on call as his neurologist i like turned to my to my wife and

[31:34] was like how many minutes do you think till he fakes a seizure gets out and kills everyone right

[31:37] that's what we're angling for here it could not be otherwise yeah basically the next scene involved

[31:44] like he he says he wants a coke they don't bring him a coke of course i mean it's probably because

[31:49] of branding or something eventually somebody gives him a coke and that's what lets him do a seizure

[31:54] are we to believe that he managed to get a hold of the coke and then he let the foam

[31:58] fake a seizure do i don't know it doesn't i don't remember them handing him the coke i thought they

[32:02] put it just far enough outside his cage that he couldn't reach it to taunt him and then he was

[32:06] like oh that's the last straw now i'm definitely killing everybody now i'm gonna kill all these

[32:11] army men and women yeah so he fakes a seizure the uh the two guards try and go in and stop

[32:18] stop him from having a seizure and of course he breaks free and murders both of them and now that

[32:23] he's free ho ho he's got a machine gun uh he leaves one of the guards one of the guards does

[32:28] the most foolish thing you can do if a if a if a super assassin is having a seizure in front of

[32:34] you which is he tries to open his mouth with his hands of course he's just gonna bite down on those

[32:38] hands just like nick cage slicing off fingers in next to the movie about the guy who kills everybody

[32:42] at that deli yeah and that's just a bad idea you want to keep your hands away from the mouth of

[32:46] any sort of mass murderer that's just i'm just gonna tell you unless you are a licensed dictator

[32:50] dentist that's the guy who goes and handles you know like uh dictator's teeth you know then you

[32:56] don't want to put your hands anywhere near the mouth of a mass murderer i'll just tell you that

[32:59] as buster rhymes would say if you really want to party with me keep your hands where that guy can't

[33:03] eat i apologize that's just what my brain was gonna think at this hour of the day whether i

[33:12] was on this podcast yeah mr rhymes we mean no disrespect at all that's just you know it was

[33:16] just josh having fun please don't get mad muster runs we've had a contentious relationship with

[33:21] him you know so yeah i mean i'm certainly very i'm certainly very jealous of his glow up recently

[33:27] he went from you know being like a larger fellow to a very in shape fellow during quarantine

[33:33] it's uh i think that's the kind of thing that can inspire all of us okay so

[33:39] uh so they loeffler gets loose they make a plan to catch him uh that involves moving everybody to

[33:48] a secure part of the ship but of course nicholas cage wants to feed his animals it's been too long

[33:53] they need food however they convince him not to worry about it uh and they want to secure all the

[34:00] civilians so that the soldiers can finally hunt the most dangerous game that's right this guy

[34:05] loffler loffler lets out frank's animals of course the uh they try to like they let the cook out and

[34:12] they're like hey you should go to the kitchen and make everybody a bunch of food i guess to lift

[34:15] their spirits that's a big mistake because loffler left left a monkey trap where he left a bunch of

[34:21] monkeys in the uh in the kitchen classic monkey trap you just put monkeys in a room and wait till

[34:26] someone goes in and those monkeys totally murder this dude this monkey track trap really works

[34:33] extra because apparently this chef really really hates monkeys like immediately he's just like got

[34:40] his uh meat cleaver hacking wildly at these monkeys which he really took his eye off the ball

[34:47] yeah like he there's like a a murder an assassin right a military trained rogue assassin loose on

[34:55] the ship that they're trying to avoid and he's like oh time to settle this score first do you

[35:01] think he's trying to he's like maybe if i totally kill these monkeys really gross the assassin will

[35:06] give himself up because he'll know i'm not to be messed with yeah well his plan backfires because

[35:13] the monkeys knock him on the ground and strip the meat from his bones like a critter ball rolling

[35:18] over a running away guy a lot of critter talk in this one i like it oh man i love it it's on hbo max

[35:26] or at least it was last time i watched it on hbo max so uh yeah so nicholas cage manages to sneak

[35:33] loose uh he goes to find his animals he bumps into loffler oh no he nicholas cage manages to get a

[35:41] radio loffler is a radio and they kind of like bond over the radio having both been soldiers

[35:47] nicholas cage has to track down all his animals and of course he's sleepless in seattle moment

[35:51] Yeah, there's a little, you know, they, like, Nicolas Cage is like, maybe I put up too many walls with this attitude I take with everybody.

[35:59] You know, it turns out it's not going to work out.

[36:04] Loff is like, this is going to sound weird, but it's so awkward making friends when you're an adult.

[36:10] Would you, like, would you want to, like, get ice cream sometime?

[36:14] Like, we don't have to sit down for a whole meal.

[36:15] I know it's weird.

[36:16] I know people go out for drinks, but that kind of seems romantic.

[36:19] take can we just like is it weird for two grown-up dudes to just go get ice cream together in the

[36:24] middle of the day and nick cage is like that's the least weird thing i've ever heard and then

[36:28] it's like it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship yeah oh man i'm just thinking about

[36:33] thinking about pre-covid times when you could just go for a random ice cream in the middle

[36:37] of the afternoon it is really funny whenever my wife and i are driving around uh driving around

[36:42] doing work if we if she ever sees an adult walking around in the middle of the day just eating an

[36:47] ice cream cone she gets like irrationally angry she's like you have nothing to do

[36:52] really my because my immediate reaction is i should do that this guy has had a great idea

[36:58] for sure it's like oh la-di-da that is like the grinchiest response i got you got stopping

[37:05] nothing stopping her from getting ice cream if she wants to look buddy you got time to cream

[37:10] you got time to clean that's what they say in in uh with it with those topless maids that's

[37:16] they also say okay okay that was disgusting sorry josh anyway so the thank you now apologize to

[37:24] buster rhymes sorry apologies mr rhymes i know you don't like that kind of talk uh so uh speaking of

[37:30] pre-covid times i was with my children at a public park earlier today masked very distant from

[37:35] everybody else we were safely and healthily exploring the abandoned zoo cages at the griffith

[37:40] park uh former la zoo which is a wonderland of rusted metal and uh little baggies that used to

[37:47] have drugs in them littering the ground uh and so and we passed by a water fountain and my younger

[37:51] son who's two he was like i want to drink a water and i was like no no that's turned off right now

[37:55] and i was like now that seems like the most insane idea in the world i use insane you know not in

[38:02] a pejorative way but a little bit uh to go to a a thing just out in the open in a public space that

[38:08] shoots water and put your mouth right above it and shoot the water into your mouth and just kind

[38:12] of like well and you might wait online to do that behind other people who are also gonna just put

[38:17] their mouths right over it like that seems crazy to me now but i used to do it guys what you're

[38:21] feeling on water fountains is it as weird as it seems to me now that we live in a germ wait a germ

[38:26] potopia i mean at first i was like what's your problem it's just it's shooting the water into

[38:32] your mouth that water's not getting reused but then i'm like well there are a lot of those

[38:35] weirdos who put their mouth right on the right also right like they're practicing for when they

[38:42] really get to kiss a metal robot it's there's those those you know water fountains are not the

[38:47] most efficient water delivery system and a lot of that water just dribbles right out of your mouth

[38:51] back onto the fountain so it's yeah but they're not reusing that water you know back into your

[38:56] mouth that water doesn't go into a separate tube to go to the waste water area it just falls right

[39:02] back in the same pipe it's got a drain ellie they're not yeah that water is not yeah this

[39:08] isn't this isn't mario brothers they don't come out and down in the same all right well this it

[39:14] just seems it just seems bizarre to me now that i ever was like oh let me go to this germ bath

[39:18] and just shoot it into my face do you need like an incredible cross section to explain how a water

[39:22] fountain works what's bizarre to me is yes that you drank from a water fountain at any time if

[39:29] you thought that was how it worked i never thought about it before because i thought i would live

[39:32] forever also it's always seemed weird to me that i call them water fountains when i should call

[39:35] them drinking fountains every fountain is a water fountain unless it's like a samurai chopped a guy's

[39:40] head off and a fountain of blood shoots out like a water fountain is redundant you know it doesn't

[39:44] tell you fountain yeah let's see a lot of fondue yeah that's true okay so i guess yeah nicholas

[39:52] cage manages to get his most important item that's right his trank gun that has a little strap that

[39:58] he can put around his wrist so you know that thing's not going nowhere he's gonna have that

[40:02] until the grave uh let's see so uh they they all like split up all the soldiers split up which

[40:10] makes a lot of sense this gives loffler time to infiltrate the engineers and find out all about

[40:15] how the ship works he does some really good character work with these guys so they buy that

[40:19] he's just a regular joe working on a boat uh of course i think they they think he's one of the

[40:25] soldiers yeah he gave the name of one of the soldiers as if they know all the soldiers names

[40:31] and they were like oh right okay well that checks out from the mixer he's like i hope these guys

[40:37] didn't talk to that soldier during the mixer when that when we launched the boat yeah that's usually

[40:43] what happens everybody gets up on the forecastle and yeah the folks and they drink champagne and

[40:52] they're like oh they wave goodbye to the people back on on dry land right okay so uh well it's

[40:59] it's interesting we've been talking so much about water fountains because the next crisis

[41:03] is that there is no water on the boat and you're like but there's water water everywhere but not

[41:09] a drop to drink um cue guitar solo yep so they uh they the captain uh and uh you know all the

[41:19] all the people wander into like the water room they find that the water's all drained like all

[41:25] the all the tanks are busted and there's like sparks shooting out of the control panels and

[41:30] then all of a sudden the captain gets bitten on the leg by a snake and not just any snake guys

[41:35] a fucking bush master stewart wellington's second favorite snake of all time now we gotta ask for

[41:42] the yeah the top five yeah i mean i'm just gonna go with it bush master used to be my number one

[41:48] snake behind like emerald viper viper and an eastern diamondback wait so you're saying it

[41:54] was your number one snake behind two other snakes thank you elliot for i'm getting all worked up

[41:59] here you guys are confusing me with your bush masters your uh your emerald vipers but my

[42:05] obviously my number one now is the fattest of the vipers that's right the gaboon viper

[42:09] not the gambon viper that's the one that welcomes you to the layer cake but the gaboon viper is the

[42:15] one that's a big fatty with little horns on his nose and he looks awesome and he's super deadly

[42:20] bush master also super deadly oh it's less weird that you know this much about snakes than elliot

[42:26] knows that much about jack now wait but stewart this reminds me i meant to text you did you see

[42:31] they discovered a new species of matamata no what my favorite turtle the matamata there's a new

[42:37] species and it looks super crazy oh my what wait what is it um don't spoil it i gotta look at it

[42:44] Why am I wasting my time with a podcast

[42:48] When I can be looking at pictures of a sweet turd

[42:51] That was my

[42:52] Second favorite

[42:54] Natural world discovery story recently

[42:56] The other one being the 57,000 year old

[42:59] Baby wolf that was discovered

[43:00] Preserved in ice

[43:01] But yeah there's a new Matamata you're gonna like it

[43:05] Oh man oh man what a teaser

[43:06] Okay so Bushmaster

[43:08] Bites the captain and of course you guys were like

[43:11] Fuck this dude is smoked

[43:12] because a Bushmaster's Venom is super deadly.

[43:15] But Nicolas Cage is like,

[43:17] oh, don't worry, it'll be fine.

[43:19] Maybe we'll get some antivenom.

[43:21] Meanwhile.

[43:22] But he knows he's lying.

[43:24] Yeah, he knows he's lying.

[43:26] Spamkin Jensen is like, we gotta help.

[43:27] And he's like, no, I was just lying.

[43:29] I was trying to keep the kid happy.

[43:32] Well, he's trying to keep the kid happy,

[43:34] and I think he's looking for an excuse

[43:35] to just go for a little walk, you know?

[43:37] Yeah, because I'm not...

[43:38] When you're cooped up in one room,

[43:39] you're like, I'm gonna stretch these getaway sticks.

[43:41] you know i'm not sure if we've made it clear i if we have i i forgot that the uh captain is the

[43:48] father of the kid that has sort of melted nicholas cage's heart a little bit yeah it's ironic because

[43:53] the child is the father of the man but in this case the captain is the father of the kid yep

[43:58] yep the and and femke jansen keeps trying to like get nicholas cage to do something good

[44:06] and he keeps being like no that's not what i do lady like his whole thing is like i don't care

[44:12] about stuff i just want to do my thing look i'm all about real estate and selling wild animals

[44:19] that's what i do ask me to do one of those two things otherwise i'm the bad guy duh

[44:25] she looked at her uh she looked uh famke jensen looked at her horoscope and was like

[44:30] convince one person to do a nice thing and she's like okay i guess i got my marching orders

[44:36] i picked the wrong guy thinking about both captains and animals captain kangaroo could be

[44:46] so much more exciting than what it actually is like if you're just basing it on the title

[44:50] yeah like imagine a kangaroo who's a captain yeah yeah sure well the problem is that the problem is

[44:57] that he's a captain in the ss so that's the that's the real issue so so it's less cool that's why

[45:03] I hate that kangaroo.

[45:04] No, but you're right, Dan.

[45:06] When I was a kid, certainly, Captain Kangaroo was already not hip anymore.

[45:12] It had been on since my parents were kids.

[45:14] And I certainly had an image in my head that was not borne out when they said, hey, watch this.

[45:19] And they showed me a man that was not a kangaroo just talking about, I don't know.

[45:23] A guy with a bowl cut and some puppets.

[45:26] Was that also the show that Mr. Green Jeans was on?

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:30] Who was a guy who had green pants?

[45:31] My dad would talk about how much he loved that show and loved Mr. Green Jeans.

[45:35] And I was like, that must have been a rough time in American history when you would just be excited by a man with different colored pants.

[45:40] Like, this is the novelty he has.

[45:42] It would have been pretty fun if Mr. Green Jeans was a kangaroo.

[45:45] Yeah.

[45:49] A little switcheroo right there.

[45:50] I think ping pong balls fell from the sky at certain points.

[45:53] That was the other big draw in Captain Kangaroo Land.

[45:57] Not green slime.

[46:00] Well, that's the thing.

[46:00] I grew up on You Can't Do That on television.

[46:01] I was used to much more exciting things falling out of the sky

[46:03] and also locker room gags.

[46:05] Come on.

[46:05] When they would step out of the lockers and tell a gag.

[46:08] It's crazy because the whole time, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong,

[46:12] but they're on television.

[46:13] Yeah, that's the – well, I mean, they were shut down eventually.

[46:18] Yeah.

[46:19] Yeah.

[46:20] OSHA.

[46:20] I mean, you can't have a restaurant that essentially serves barf

[46:26] and just serves vomit to kids and keep that open for too long.

[46:30] Eventually, the government's going to find out.

[46:32] So while they're dealing with the whole snake situation,

[46:36] the white jag comes out of hiding and kills one of the soldiers.

[46:40] That's right.

[46:40] Maybe it is a man-eater or a man-killer.

[46:43] We'll find out.

[46:43] So the other soldiers are pretty pissed off.

[46:47] So they decide not only are they going to kill Loeffler,

[46:49] which Michael Imperioli's like, but he's my pride and joy.

[46:54] He has to get there alive.

[46:56] We have to take him in alive.

[46:57] He's very committed.

[46:59] He is very much like, he watched aliens, but not after Paul Reiser dies.

[47:07] He's like, Paul Reiser is a good guy.

[47:09] It's all going to work out for him.

[47:11] Hero of the movie.

[47:12] If only lousy Ripley would get out of his way and just let him do his job.

[47:16] He just wants one of them xenomorphs.

[47:18] They also decide they want to kill the cat, which of course, the cat in this case, the

[47:23] white jag nicholas cage not a fan of this plan now this would be a bad time for me to stop momentum

[47:28] by making up a joke about xenomorphs arrow which is a classic ancient greek paradox in which an

[47:34] arrow which seems to be an image of movement is actually not because a little mini arrow comes

[47:39] out of the front of it and goes through harry dean stanton's head anyway that's xenomorphs arrow

[47:43] that's that was a waste of time so i think that's the slogan of the podcast well that was a waste

[47:51] of time wasting your time since 2007 anyway stew uh so uh dr taylor and frank uh this is their

[47:58] character's name obviously it's vomka jensen nicholas cage wander off to find antivenom and

[48:03] just kind of to goof off for a little bit uh nicholas cage used this as an opportunity to

[48:07] start hunting monkeys with his blow gun and it's a great scene of him uh dipping his little blow

[48:13] darts and poison and spitting them on monkeys using a tube not just using his mouth that would

[48:17] be silly yeah that that sounds like a like a 90s alt-rock album hunting monkeys with his blowgun

[48:23] i don't know why something about it standing outside a broken phone booth hunting monkey

[48:27] primitive radio yeah primitive radio nick cage

[48:34] in in scenes that almost mirror each other we see the primal radio gods is that where

[48:41] that's good anyway uh in scenes that almost mirror each other we see nicholas gage hunting

[48:48] the monkeys and loffler hunting the pilot and his guard with a rifle so he kills the real monkey

[48:54] huh yep he kills the pilot and uh decides the real monkey it turns out his man oh interesting

[49:00] loffler turns the ship around and then breaks everything go on when loeffler was shooting

[49:05] people like through the window from far away i had the fun thought for no one wow kevin durand

[49:11] is still really great from long range even coming back from that ruptured achilles

[49:14] you know kind of a basketball cage miss cross yeah you know i don't i don't know

[49:23] anything about basketball but i know enough that uh ellie's text about kevin durand uh confused me

[49:31] a little bit for a second but that's kind of where i live in jokes that are mostly confusing

[49:37] so they realize the mistake who knows sorry the boat's going in the wrong direction uh-oh

[49:45] uh nicholas cage manages to get the drop on loffler they get in a standoff this is one of

[49:50] there's a couple more of these scenes where they basically like just get in a fight so they can

[49:55] interact for a little bit and talk and then they wander off in their own directions so they get in

[49:59] of standoff uh he nicholas cage has to choose is he going to shoot uh the white jag or loffler with

[50:06] his one dart in his dart gun his trunk and because that that jaguar uh-oh here it comes watch out

[50:12] boys it'll chew him up it's a man eater and it might eat the kid right yeah it was threatening

[50:17] the kid uh so he instead of course he shoots loffler and then he scares the cat off with his

[50:23] uh his pistol and law floor runs away scene over nothing accomplished uh except nicholas cage i

[50:30] guess shows that he's grown a little bit as a person right i was a little confused by this too

[50:35] because it seemed like it seemed from the way this scene was shot at first that nick cage did hit him

[50:41] with the dart but then the dart was on the ground it didn't have anything missing from it like the

[50:47] bad guy seemed okay i don't know yeah that was i think that's i think it if i was theorizing using

[50:53] information from later in the movie because i had the same impression i think the thing is like it

[50:58] did hit him but he pulled it out quickly because later he takes a couple of those darts and it

[51:03] takes a while for the for the curare to to kick in uh but here it's uh i think i don't know if

[51:09] it's necessarily character growth for nicholas gaves that he didn't let his jaguar maul a child

[51:14] uh because he's always been he has that relationship with him that's kind of like a

[51:17] wallace beery type thing where it's like i'm kind of mean to this kid but i give the kid a lot of my

[51:21] time you know like i'm kind of a rough gruff guy but the fact that i'm sitting here talking with

[51:26] the kid shows that i really have a soft heart inside he's like uh you know we're ed esner and

[51:30] up that kind of thing you know so this is the point in the movie where we start worrying about

[51:35] lifeboats right there's two lifeboats but apparently most of the crew stole one of the

[51:40] lifeboats and ran off which is why we haven't been seeing them uh the really helped cut down

[51:45] the budget that the crew ran away with the lifeboat so we have to thank them because it meant that

[51:49] many actors they didn't need to pay or show on camera ever and that lifeboat budget was going

[51:54] to go through the roof if you had to see that other lifeboat yeah they're luckily they're able

[51:58] to reuse the the first lifeboat for the second lifeboat when they shoot it so that i guess nobody

[52:03] can escape using it but then they remember oh yeah there's like a second secret light like a third

[52:08] secret lifeboat somewhere in the hold we'll get to that later and now i know what you're thinking

[52:12] i want to see nick cage getting that lifeboat with that white jaguar guys that movie already

[52:15] exists it's called life of pie i think you're gonna love it has a lot to say about the universe

[52:19] and our place in it continues stewart so uh nicholas cage storms off to find his white jag

[52:25] uh loffler kills the leader of the soldiers and a bunch of other soldiers they're basically all

[52:30] getting killed loffler manages to jump him beats him up ties him up uh we see michael imperioli

[52:37] kills one of his own guys to save loffler wow he's a traitor he's gonna bring him in alive

[52:44] this jaguar showed his spots right based on what we find out later i was a little unclear about

[52:53] input perioli's uh play here because like it seemed like from what we learned and i'll just

[53:01] spoil it that this you know this guy used to work for the government this bad guy and loffler then

[53:06] he went rogue um and they're just kind of trying to clean up their own mess to some degree like it

[53:11] seems like they would just shoot him but i guess he might have some information that they want

[53:15] or something i don't know it no i'm with you at the resolution because he's he's so insistent

[53:20] we've got to bring him in alive i'm going to kill one of my own men so i can bring this guy in alive

[53:24] and then at the end he was like i have to bring him in alive and he was like live compromising

[53:28] information on you and it's like well that's a second reason to kill him yeah yeah there's no

[53:33] reasons to not i mean other than just like the goodness of human that's imperially is that they

[53:41] revealed that he's an nsa guy he's not he's not this he's there under false pretenses but yeah

[53:46] it's never clear what what like if the nsa just wants to like clean up their own tracks then

[53:51] killing loffler right now would be the the best thing for them absolutely it's such an excuse

[53:57] because like if they had to put up the pretense of we're bringing him in alive we're going to

[54:01] give him a trial but really they were fearing that he would expose them and all the things

[54:05] they had him do you'd be like oh i understand this tension but there was no tension like

[54:10] everybody has the same motive which is we hate this guy who's murdering everyone on the really

[54:14] i really it's really disheartening to hear you guys talk about a human life like a number on

[54:19] a balance sheet right now you know i mean imperioli shot the other guy so someone was

[54:25] gonna die he slid his throat yeah up close and personal like he likes it also these are fictional

[54:32] characters uh the uh but it's it does feel there's something there that makes me think that

[54:39] there had to have been more going on with michael imperioli's character and then they just like

[54:44] either fictional characters is this the christmas i find out michael imperioli isn't real

[54:49] oh i didn't want you to find out this way uh your parents should have told you

[54:52] but he's got a podcast now but the tequila the tequila commercials uh he it's i i wonder if

[55:01] it's one of those cases of like we didn't have him for as many days as we thought we had him for

[55:06] and so the scene where he was gonna like do something we had to we didn't shoot or because

[55:10] it really feels like there's a big chunk of movie missing that would explain why he wants him alive

[55:15] yeah there's like three walk and talks they were planning on shooting and they just didn't do

[55:19] and the movie is very short so that also tracks that way yeah or like like because i was i started

[55:26] wondering i'm like is it gonna turn out that like he's in love with him or something like

[55:30] what possible reason would he have for keeping him alive and they never or that they were gonna

[55:34] double cross everybody else and escape like and do crime stuff together yeah but there was no

[55:40] that never happens they never try to do it so it's really it feels like it's just a matter of like

[55:45] we'll figure it out we'll figure out why he's doing these things when we get to that part

[55:49] Oh, we didn't figure it out.

[55:50] Oh, well, the movie's over.

[55:51] Goodbye.

[55:52] And then they take all the money from the townspeople,

[55:54] and they skip town to show Primal at another town,

[55:57] hoping that word hasn't got ahead.

[55:59] Kind of on a music man type.

[56:02] Yeah.

[56:03] The town's having a town meeting, and they're like,

[56:06] we don't have any movies to show.

[56:07] Well, well, folks, have I got the solution to your problems.

[56:10] Hello there.

[56:11] The name's Cage, Nicolas Cage.

[56:13] And I want to tell you about a little movie called Primal.

[56:15] Well, the Cage movie wagon is a coming down the street.

[56:19] gary indiana gary indiana that's not where he's from that's right yeah no but he wasn't the movie

[56:30] but the uss indiana yeah just use the think system on the screenplay so yeah we're not we're down to

[56:36] uh you know we're in the home stretch we're down to only a few characters left yeah yeah there were

[56:40] there were cobras in his house but he never heard them hissing so they tried to kill him

[56:49] in his sleep and he gave them away there's a certain art to starting a sentence knowing

[56:56] you're gonna get interrupted for another song so we're down to just a few characters

[57:02] from a rex but it turned out it was stolen so we had to send it back to mongolia so these songs

[57:13] are now about the real nicholas nicholas cage character in the movie yeah so he was planning

[57:20] to be buried in new orleans in some kind of pyramid like that anyway yeah so we got uh we

[57:29] got the doc we got uh nicholas cage we got rafi that's the name of the son of the captain the

[57:36] captain still playing a life despite the fact that his body is burning up with bushmaster venom yeah

[57:41] this is the thing they like make a big deal about how like he's dead already yeah and then like he

[57:46] he hangs on through the movie for reasons that are never really explained he has the best case

[57:52] scenario which is like everyone else is running around chasing this murder or being chased and

[57:56] He just gets to sit back and just be in a snake venom coma and then gets off the ship and he's fine.

[58:01] Yeah, they're like, no, don't worry about the killer.

[58:03] Focus on getting well.

[58:05] This is kind of a goop thing, right?

[58:09] You go through a tough day in a snake venom coma.

[58:12] You get revived.

[58:13] All the toxins are out.

[58:14] Stick a magic egg up your butt and then you're healed.

[58:17] Is that what they say in goop?

[58:20] Because if you stick an egg up your butt, it will turn to goop.

[58:22] It'll probably crack.

[58:24] so they they find the spare lifeboat uh they toss it over the side they're like we're gonna get free

[58:29] and then loffler shows up they get the gun battle the special raft gets shot uh they use the the

[58:36] shipping containers to kind of evade uh loffler and then nicholas cage goes down grabs a fucking

[58:43] compound bow and he's like i'm gonna go hunting and he uses uh famke jensen as bait and you're

[58:49] like hell yeah this movie's gonna get awesome does not stay awesome for very long because we almost

[58:54] immediately get into a standoff where frank has uh famke jensen in frank frank's nicholas cage i

[59:01] just fucked that up so many names and my notes are so poorly written uh loffler manages to get

[59:07] famke jensen you're doing great still you're doing great you know we're all flawed none of us are

[59:11] perfect you're doing great yeah loffler has famke jensen he's got his uh machine gun he's got it

[59:16] machine gun up to her head but he's like holding it kind of awkward and you're like really is that

[59:20] gonna work i don't know nicholas cage has him dead to rights with his compound bow he's got it pulled

[59:25] back and you're like oh man this is gonna be awesome but before you can shoot him michael

[59:30] imperioli shows up and we have this three-way standoff where everyone's shouting there's a lot

[59:34] of talking of course everybody starts getting shot uh michael imperioli gets killed nicholas

[59:40] cage gets shot loveler gets shot famke jensen not shot she survives now i this scene i want to i

[59:48] now i want to take issue with let's call it the premise of this movie which is i know i think that

[59:54] the movie's leading up to this moment where it's supposed to be like okay well nicholas cage is

[59:59] this expert hunter and now he is going to hunt this bad guy like the most dangerous game yeah

[1:00:07] his special abilities as a hunter and part of the problem is number one as we've said before he's

[1:00:13] not shown to be that great a hunter at the beginning of the movie like you see like the

[1:00:17] first time we see him he's kind of fucking up but number two like his big hunting plan at this point

[1:00:24] is like okay fam cut your bait go downstairs and make a lot of noise and like the bad guy

[1:00:31] immediately like when he captures her he's like okay well clearly you were divergent like yeah

[1:00:36] He knows what it is.

[1:00:38] It is the simplest plan.

[1:00:39] But this play was all for what happens later.

[1:00:43] Yeah.

[1:00:44] I mean, later on, he's more of a cool hunter dude, but not now.

[1:00:49] Keep it simple, stupid.

[1:00:50] I almost said keep it simple, Stuart, which is what I tell myself every morning.

[1:00:55] Keep it Stuart simple.

[1:00:58] Oh, no, I messed it up.

[1:01:01] Okay, so after the standoff, Loffler manages to tie the doctor and the kid up,

[1:01:10] and he leaves them with a little friend.

[1:01:12] That's right, the Bushmaster from before.

[1:01:15] Hell yeah.

[1:01:16] Oh, man, this guy's so tough.

[1:01:18] You've got to watch out because that venom will kill you over the course of an entire movie, maybe.

[1:01:22] Frank and Loffler get—

[1:01:26] It feels like the Bushmaster forgot to get a poison refill before he left the house that day,

[1:01:32] and he's just like, I've got to make a big show of this.

[1:01:34] People are counting on me.

[1:01:35] Play with me.

[1:01:36] Play with me.

[1:01:37] And that's the thing about the Bushmaster is that they're normally capable of multiple venomous bites in a row.

[1:01:42] So normally you're like, he's got plenty of venom in his thing.

[1:01:46] I can't see, obviously, he doesn't have a little meter above his head showing me his venom reserves.

[1:01:50] That would be crazy.

[1:01:51] He's heating up.

[1:01:53] He's on venom.

[1:01:56] yeah that's when they put bane in uh nba jam is that it's nba jam right it is nba cool the um

[1:02:09] the other thing there's just like so many little things in the movie where like

[1:02:12] just say he'll be dead in a day without anti-venom not 20 minutes like then it makes sense that he's

[1:02:19] alive in a day yeah well maybe they maybe he said 20 minutes so every every extra day he feel like

[1:02:26] The guy's like, oh, man, I'm so much better at surviving this than I thought.

[1:02:31] That's more of a miracle of Jean-Claude Van Damme than Cageman.

[1:02:34] Or just pick a less venomous snake, if this is your ploy.

[1:02:39] We'll still be worried for the guy if he doesn't have any anti-venom.

[1:02:42] Right.

[1:02:42] Just all those little things of like, wait a minute.

[1:02:44] Why don't you either both of you turn on Michael Imperioli or both of you turn on Loeffler?

[1:02:49] Just like you have common interests.

[1:02:52] Why is this a three-way standoff?

[1:02:54] There's also a scene later on like where like the kid has – or I think we actually went past it.

[1:03:00] The standoff on the – at the top of the boat where like the deck is what it's called amongst sailors.

[1:03:07] Yeah, yeah.

[1:03:08] There's a shootoff of the deck where like the kid has so much time to run away and he just sort of stands around.

[1:03:14] Similarly, there's a scene that we've got past where Loeffler calls into the Coast Guard pretending to be a U.S. Marshal

[1:03:20] and calling in for a helicopter and some food.

[1:03:22] And they're like, we'll be there in one hour.

[1:03:24] And I'm like, okay, that's the ticking clock.

[1:03:26] They've got one hour to stop him before he escapes.

[1:03:27] Never comes up again.

[1:03:29] It's not an issue.

[1:03:31] Not something they needed to have in there.

[1:03:33] Doesn't speak well to the Coast Guard's ability

[1:03:36] to deliver within an hour, right?

[1:03:37] Yeah, and this is definitely...

[1:03:39] You get the medevac for free

[1:03:41] if they take more than an hour.

[1:03:42] Wow.

[1:03:44] Those are expensive.

[1:03:45] No, this is definitely one of those action movies too

[1:03:48] where the villain shoots or allows people to live

[1:03:52] at the whims of the screenplay.

[1:03:54] Yeah.

[1:03:55] Yeah.

[1:03:55] I think that the walkie-talkie thing

[1:03:58] where he's talking to the Coast Guard,

[1:03:59] I realize now it's there to pay off.

[1:04:00] Early on, he says to the U.S. Marshal,

[1:04:02] oh, you're from Virginia, but you grew up in this place,

[1:04:06] and that's why your accent sounds like that.

[1:04:07] And I guess he's supposed to be mimicking his accent

[1:04:10] over the call, but it just sounds like his regular voice.

[1:04:13] And it's like, I don't buy him as a Hannibal Lecter-level

[1:04:17] like chameleon you know it just sounds kind of friendlier over a radio the coast guard is going

[1:04:24] to be like wait a minute this isn't a virginia accent i'm looking at your facebook page and it

[1:04:32] doesn't it says that you grew up in virginia but you don't sound like a virginian yeah i called up

[1:04:37] a youtube thing one of those ones where someone explains a bunch of accents and this doesn't

[1:04:42] sound like virginia see i was catfished this one time and ever since i've been extra careful

[1:04:47] fool me once

[1:04:49] so when you yeah so we're uh we have our big climax that's right we're back in nicholas cage's

[1:05:00] menagerie room uh filled with empty cages and a couple of tapirs and monkeys the ironic thing is

[1:05:06] i'm short nick cage's house he does have a menagerie room i'm sure he does so he's running

[1:05:10] around uh shooting loffler with blowgun darts he manages to get a couple of them in him before they

[1:05:16] both whip out knives and we have a knife fight it's looking tight but eventually the poison uh

[1:05:22] manages to whittle down loffler who gets his ankle stuck in a noose and then he gets hauled up and

[1:05:28] then left to be a meal for a white jag who shows up and is like thanks for the handoff dude and

[1:05:34] And then he gives Nicolas Cage a high five.

[1:05:36] Tag in.

[1:05:37] Tag me in.

[1:05:38] I do want to say, I mean, like, it's hard.

[1:05:40] This movie is shot very dimly.

[1:05:43] Beautifully.

[1:05:44] Well, yeah.

[1:05:44] And so it's hard to tell what's a stuntman.

[1:05:47] But when I do see Nicolas Cage's face, I'm like, oh, yeah, not bad.

[1:05:50] Not bad, Nicolas Cage.

[1:05:51] I mean, like, he's 56 years old.

[1:05:53] He's not in his prime Con Air shape, but he's doing well.

[1:05:57] Yeah.

[1:05:57] There's one of the earlier fights between him and Loeffler.

[1:06:00] Loeffler's about to shoot him, and Nicolas Cage jumps up and slaps the gun out of the way.

[1:06:04] launches himself and that one moment i was like that was a really like i was impressed by that

[1:06:09] move i was like the the speed and the aim and that move uh the director was a guy who was a stunt

[1:06:15] director and coordinator i think previously yeah and so i was like oh this checks out yeah

[1:06:20] something i want to mention about the jaguar this is our last opportunity every now and then you get

[1:06:25] to see a little bit of jaguar vision and it is like blurry and black it's like fish eye and black

[1:06:31] and white and i'm like so the ultimate hunter in the jungle sees worse than i do a man who needs

[1:06:36] glasses like this is ridiculous yeah it was the the that ploy at the end to to get him into the

[1:06:43] loop like you could he was really telegraphed you like telegraphing it like he was borderline like

[1:06:48] a little to the left and then uh and then i turned and said to my wife who graciously watched this

[1:06:54] movie with me i said you know in screenwriting sometimes you save the cat sometimes the cat

[1:06:58] saves you and again a joke for no one to enjoy yeah i had to say it out loud so it didn't poison

[1:07:04] my brain yeah uh luckily you saved it for the podcast so uh you defuse that poison out among

[1:07:12] multiple people so that it's not dangerous it's just irritating yeah it's more of a uh primal

[1:07:18] bushmaster level venom so nicholas cage has saved the day a bunch of guys show up uh they're like

[1:07:25] oh cool well you can leave with all your uh treasured animals as long as we see your paperwork

[1:07:30] and he's like uh and then vomka jensen shows up and was like uh loffler burned his paperwork

[1:07:35] which is awesome what an awesome lie great

[1:07:39] encouraging this fucking poacher well done and he's like oh man maybe we're gonna uh maybe we're

[1:07:47] gonna get married or something i don't know like doesn't he doesn't he talk about how he's like oh

[1:07:51] maybe i'm gonna go to the same place she's at so we can start this dating in earnest yeah well

[1:07:55] He talks to the parrot about it.

[1:07:57] When she gives him her number in Adelphi

[1:08:00] in case he's ever around there

[1:08:02] and he says to his parrot,

[1:08:03] he's like, they've got a zoo in Adelphi

[1:08:04] because we learned earlier

[1:08:05] he worked at, what, eight zoos in 10 years?

[1:08:07] Eight zoos in 10 years.

[1:08:08] That's so funny.

[1:08:10] Such a funny detail.

[1:08:11] And she's like, you have a problem with authority, huh?

[1:08:13] Eight zoos in 10 years.

[1:08:14] I want to see so badly the prequel to Primal

[1:08:17] that's got Primal beginnings

[1:08:18] where it's just him as the shittiest zoo employee

[1:08:21] who's always getting his boss mad at him.

[1:08:24] He just can't remember to close the door on the gorilla cage or something, and they get out.

[1:08:28] I don't know.

[1:08:29] In what world do you even get hired at zoo number six after five years?

[1:08:34] I do not think this is a profession where they keep giving you chances.

[1:08:38] It's like priests and cops where you just kill an endangered animal, or you kill a fucking iguana, and then they just move you to another parish.

[1:08:47] Transfer him to San Diego.

[1:08:51] Anything goes over there.

[1:08:52] Yeah, yeah.

[1:08:53] okay nicholas cage you're gonna have to turn out your pockets yeah no i see the zoo book

[1:08:58] stuffed in your pockets no those are not you didn't bring those from home i know you stole

[1:09:04] those he's he's doing the interview still you're saying it's his job interview and he's cheating

[1:09:09] off of a zoo book that's stuffed in his pocket i'm just saying that he worked in the in the gift

[1:09:13] shop at the zoo oh i see i see he's just stealing copies of the magazine he's like a badass zoo

[1:09:19] employees like you know i've met ranger rick he's a fucking animal i mean yeah he's a raccoon right

[1:09:24] yeah yeah but like he's a savage i want to say uh this ending too is is what i referred to before

[1:09:32] where they make a slight stab at making you think oh this this poacher isn't so bad because he's

[1:09:37] like oh i'm gonna take this cat to a reserve for endangered animals i'm not gonna sell it to a zoo

[1:09:44] for big money and you're like okay great i guess you're wonderful now you're not gonna have your

[1:09:50] your uh you're not gonna get your house to show up your dad yeah i mean i'm glad he had his change

[1:09:57] of heart but it does seem like just an afterthought of the movie like uh okay and he's not not bad

[1:10:04] he's okay did we talk about that i forget about how his his motivation behind buying a house is

[1:10:10] to be so his dad can come over and not use his fishing boat and he can just show him how great

[1:10:14] his life is and make his dad mad

[1:10:16] about it. Yeah, I get it.

[1:10:18] I've been there, man. It's so

[1:10:20] funny. This whole thing is

[1:10:22] to spite his father.

[1:10:24] There's all these threads

[1:10:26] that they... There's a bunch of balls that they

[1:10:28] throw in the air and then don't even

[1:10:30] try to... They're just like, hey, check out how many balls

[1:10:32] we threw. That's pretty cool, right?

[1:10:33] He's a super badass

[1:10:36] hunter who has serious

[1:10:38] daddy issues and cannot hold a job at

[1:10:40] a zoo. He's just like...

[1:10:42] He has a parrot that follows him around.

[1:10:44] It's not his parrot until the end of the movie where he names him.

[1:10:47] They're kind of frenemies.

[1:10:48] And then Femke Janssen's character.

[1:10:52] Is that your parrot, Frank?

[1:10:54] No, he's kind of a frenemy of mine.

[1:10:56] We went to college together.

[1:10:59] We like hang out when he's in town.

[1:11:01] But I don't even know why.

[1:11:03] I mean, like he'll be in town.

[1:11:05] Get this.

[1:11:05] He'll be in town.

[1:11:06] He'll call me to hang out on the last night when he's about to leave.

[1:11:10] And he's like, hey, hey, can I stay at your place?

[1:11:12] And it's like, you weren't going to get in touch with me until the place you were staying fell through, were you?

[1:11:15] But I let him because, you know, we've got those memories, you know.

[1:11:18] And we went out to dinner and like the check came and I'm like, I don't know, 50-50 is fine, right?

[1:11:23] Like, I guess, but like he doesn't even reach for that thing.

[1:11:26] He just lets me pick it up every time.

[1:11:28] That parrot, we'd go out for tapas, our group of friends, and he'd just put down like eight bucks and be like, I got to run.

[1:11:34] This should cover me.

[1:11:35] And we'd each have to pay like $60.

[1:11:37] And nothing came down to my end of the table.

[1:11:39] I didn't have any drinks.

[1:11:40] Oh, yeah, like that makes up for it.

[1:11:42] You know, I've come to enjoy tapas as I've made my way in the world and now can go out for tapas on occasion.

[1:11:50] But, man, when I was young, what a bad idea for a group of friends to go out for tapas.

[1:11:55] Well, I mean, it's essentially a scam where they're like, here is your dinner.

[1:12:00] It is four tiny pieces of something, and that will be $75.

[1:12:05] But there's five of us.

[1:12:07] Have you ever been to a place where you don't know that it's tapas?

[1:12:11] They're like, oh, this place looks good.

[1:12:12] The menu looks good.

[1:12:13] All the food is a regular price.

[1:12:14] And then it comes and it's like a – you're like, is this a prank?

[1:12:17] I remember visiting friends in Portland and they were like, we got to go to this restaurant.

[1:12:23] It's great.

[1:12:23] We'll go for brunch.

[1:12:24] And I'm like, I could really go for a big brunch.

[1:12:26] Love it.

[1:12:27] What will I have?

[1:12:27] And we sit down and they're like – and the waitress says, now, we are a small plates family style sharing restaurant.

[1:12:34] And I almost walked out of the restaurant.

[1:12:37] I was so mad.

[1:12:38] I felt like I had been brought there under such false pretenses.

[1:12:41] This is some quality, like, 90s CBS-style jokes here, guys.

[1:12:44] I still am mad about it.

[1:12:48] I'm as mad about it as Paul Reiser was mad about it on Mad About You, I imagine.

[1:12:53] No, no, but that was a different kind of mad.

[1:12:55] I'm crazy for tapas.

[1:12:58] Small plates and family style always go together, and it's like, what is this, a Great Depression-themed restaurant?

[1:13:05] There's only a little bit of food, and we all have to share it.

[1:13:08] Look, guys, this is going to cost us a lot of money, and we've got to stretch it.

[1:13:11] We've got to make it last.

[1:13:12] So nobody's greedy.

[1:13:14] Now, what if Mad About You was originally called Mad At You,

[1:13:17] and it was about a couple that needed a divorce, but they refused to divorce

[1:13:20] because their apartment was so great, and then CBS was like, we love it.

[1:13:23] We were wondering if the couple could be in love still.

[1:13:26] And Paul Reiser's like, how am I going to make this work?

[1:13:29] How could I possibly make this work?

[1:13:31] I mean, you watch that show.

[1:13:33] They're barely in love, those characters.

[1:13:37] That would have been a good name for it.

[1:13:38] Barely in love.

[1:13:39] Barely in love.

[1:13:40] People would have thought it starred bears.

[1:13:43] So let's close the book on this guy.

[1:13:46] It's a movie.

[1:13:47] Let's do our final judgments about whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie.

[1:13:51] A movie we kind of liked.

[1:13:53] This, you know, as always, barely fits into any of these categories.

[1:13:57] Like I was watching it.

[1:13:59] I was, you know, Audrey got bored pretty quickly.

[1:14:02] And then she was like, this is bad, bad, right?

[1:14:04] and she's like and then she's like or did i not pay much enough attention to it i'm like well

[1:14:09] the fact that you stop paying attention to it indicates that yes it is boring in a lot of ways

[1:14:14] but you probably would enjoy it more if you like engage with it like there's stuff in it that i

[1:14:19] liked i liked nicholas cage i like the villain famke jensen doesn't get a whole lot to do but

[1:14:25] i she's a i like her as a presence in movies and she felt like nice and competent you're like like

[1:14:32] she just exuded competence in it i and whenever it went big it was kind of fun but so much of

[1:14:39] this movie just like does not engage with what makes the premise fun the premise is fun because

[1:14:43] there's a bunch of these animals loose on this damn ship and that feels like an afterthought

[1:14:49] like most of it is just like walking through like warehouse like the the hold of the ship

[1:14:56] with guns you know and it's it's poorly lit poorly shot so you know sometimes i kind of

[1:15:03] liked it sometimes i thought it was just bad what do you guys have to say yeah i'm with you dan i

[1:15:08] i would say i don't know i think this is a movie i actually kind of liked it's like dumb in a way

[1:15:13] that i enjoy it is as josh said like it throws a bunch of balls in the air it does not really

[1:15:20] care if they catch any of them uh it's like the action scenes are not particularly thrilling

[1:15:26] but it was like i don't know it was dumb and exactly the way i want a movie i watch for the

[1:15:31] flop has to be and uh yeah the actors were fun to watch kind of act in the movie yeah thumbs up

[1:15:37] yeah it's it's like a thumb sideways movie it's like not it it feels really like you know what

[1:15:46] Like, we've said it before, like, I'm sick, I'm lying on the couch, it's a Saturday afternoon, this is available.

[1:15:53] Okay, sure, this will be fine.

[1:15:55] It, like, is never quite what Stolen is, you know?

[1:15:58] But it's, like, kind of like Stolen.

[1:16:00] Yeah, it's one of those movies that's sort of fun, but you won't be mad if you fall asleep.

[1:16:04] For sure.

[1:16:05] That's a perfect way to, it's like, however much of the movie you watch, you'll enjoy that much.

[1:16:11] It's like a Continental Breakfast movie.

[1:16:14] I mean, I think it's a better movie if you fall asleep for a certain amount of it because it's like a repetitive movie where, like you said, Dan doesn't live up to the premise of they're trapped on a ship with a killer and a bunch of killer animals.

[1:16:26] So it's kind of like if you watch the beginning of it and then fell asleep and dreamed most of the movie and then woke up for the very end, you'd probably have a pretty positive experience.

[1:16:35] You'd have a better story.

[1:16:36] I don't think it was a bad, bad movie because there was – at no point was I like mad that I was watching it.

[1:16:44] like it's 97 minutes there's like enough fun stuff where i'm like ah the they he teased that the

[1:16:51] snakes were there and then the snakes great um he he's got a bow and shoots the guy through the

[1:16:57] shoulder and the bow and he pushes the arrow through his shoulder it's like just like i i

[1:17:00] so i don't but i also don't think it's good like like good bad movie in that it's not

[1:17:05] tight it doesn't pay off the stuff you want it to pay off the the michael imperioli stuff the uh

[1:17:11] the parrot saying talking about the gun doesn't like pay off in a very

[1:17:15] satisfying way.

[1:17:16] But I do think I,

[1:17:17] my dad has a phrase for a movie like this,

[1:17:20] where he describes it as having,

[1:17:21] I texted this to him immediately after I finished.

[1:17:23] I said,

[1:17:23] have you seen a primal of Nicholas cage?

[1:17:26] It's got a lot of good beaten up and it felt very nineties.

[1:17:31] Like it felt like here's the premise.

[1:17:33] We're just going to do more or less do that for 90 minutes.

[1:17:37] And then you're going to go home and you're going to forget whether it was

[1:17:40] this one or that one that the monkeys ate the cook yeah i do think that like there is something

[1:17:45] to it might just be pure nostalgia of like us all being the same sort of general generation like

[1:17:53] these sorts of action movies were more of a part of our youth and now you know like anything that

[1:18:01] isn't a big blockbuster does get sort of shunted off like this film did and so i do think that

[1:18:08] yeah i i am more apt to be gentle on a movie like this too because i'm like oh you know like a basic

[1:18:14] action movie with like yeah a premise but not like a lot of bells and whistles yeah i i like that

[1:18:21] kind of thing and i'm i'm happy i think it was it did a good enough job where that it wasn't like

[1:18:26] super it wasn't perfectly executed but also i didn't feel like i was being insulted watching it

[1:18:31] um where they were just like look some idiot's gonna watch this on a plane and and that's how

[1:18:36] we make the money or like whatever i i so i will say i i kind of liked it dan like you said a

[1:18:41] nostalgia for those seagal van damme cage movies of like the mid-90s and basically no animals got

[1:18:49] killed in the movie right basically those two parrots right oh yeah yeah loffler does shoot

[1:18:55] two parrots point blank but the least the least i think they chose that specifically right because

[1:19:00] they couldn't kill the snakes for plot reasons and they're like we can't kill a mammal that's

[1:19:04] fucked up people won't stand for it yeah

[1:19:07] hi it's me dave hill from before here to tell you about my brand new show on maximum fun

[1:19:17] the dave hill good time hour which combines my old maximum fun show dave hill's podcasting

[1:19:23] incident with my old radio show the goddamn dave hill show into one new futuristic program from

[1:19:28] If you like delightful conversation with incredible guests, technical difficulties, and actual phone calls from real-life listeners, you've just hit a street called easy.

[1:19:38] I'm also joined by my incredible co-host, the boy criminal, Chris Gersbeck.

[1:19:42] Say hi, Chris.

[1:19:43] Hey, Dave. It's really great to-

[1:19:45] That's enough, Chris.

[1:19:45] And New Jersey chicken rancher, Des.

[1:19:47] Say hi, Des.

[1:19:48] Hey, Dave.

[1:19:49] The Dave Hill Good Time Hour.

[1:19:51] Brand new episodes every Friday on Maximum Fun.

[1:19:54] Plus, the show's not even an hour.

[1:19:56] It's 90 minutes.

[1:19:57] Take that, stupid rules.

[1:19:59] We nailed it.

[1:20:00] Does our podcast deep dive into the weirdest Wikipedia pages we can find?

[1:20:04] Yes.

[1:20:05] Do we learn about scam artists, remote islands, horrible mascots, beautiful diseases, and mythical monsters?

[1:20:11] Yes, yes, yes, absolutely, and yes.

[1:20:13] Do we retain any of this knowledge?

[1:20:15] Eh, probably not.

[1:20:17] I'm Emily Heller.

[1:20:18] I'm Lisa Hanna-Walt.

[1:20:19] We make art and comedy and TV shows and also the podcast Baby Geniuses.

[1:20:24] For the past eight years, we've been trying to learn new things about the world and each other every episode.

[1:20:28] But let's be honest, this podcast is mostly about two friends hanging out, shooting the breeze, and making each other laugh.

[1:20:34] We're horny, we like gardening and horses, and we get real stupid on here.

[1:20:38] But, like, in a smart way.

[1:20:39] Yeah, join us every other week on Maximum Fun.

[1:20:42] I think we have a couple of jumbotrons this week.

[1:20:50] The biggest of trons.

[1:20:52] Stuart, why don't you kick us off?

[1:20:54] Jumbotrons. Of course, Dan, I would love to. Let me do this. Oh, I know why this one was given to

[1:21:00] me. Anime has invaded our world. Goku is a household name, but most parents don't know

[1:21:07] that he started out in the Japanese comics anthology magazine, Weekly Shonen Jump. But

[1:21:14] for every Dragon Ball Z, there's a series that died in obscurity. Why? On each episode of the

[1:21:21] podcast shonen flop david and jordan read a canceled jump series and determine if it was

[1:21:29] a forgotten gem or if it was really truly a flop please do not sue us over the title

[1:21:37] so subscribe to shonen flop on your podcast app of choice and follow our twitter at shonen flopcast

[1:21:45] wow you gave it to me because i'm the ultimate otaku that's what they call them ultimate otaku

[1:21:53] i have a jumbotron too so maybe this is the same kind of uh uh niche nerd uh excitement let's go

[1:21:59] okay so if you'd rather buy from local businesses than corporate website websites

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[1:22:22] Know a small business we should add?

[1:22:24] Just email us.

[1:22:25] So, go download Sook.

[1:22:27] It's S-O-O-K, for free, from the Chrome store.

[1:22:29] That's S-O-O-K, from the Chrome store.

[1:22:32] And I think, Elliot, you had a quick plug that you wanted to do.

[1:22:38] I did.

[1:22:39] So I have a comic book series coming out next year from Aftershock Comics.

[1:22:42] It's called Maniac of New York, and it is available for pre-order now.

[1:22:46] So call up your local comic book store.

[1:22:48] Say, hey, I want to get Maniac of New York.

[1:22:51] It's kind of a take about a masked killer who is running loose in Manhattan, taking Manhattan, if you will.

[1:22:57] It's a completely original idea based on nothing.

[1:22:59] And it is by me and the great artist Andrea Muti, who you may know from Hellblazer, among other things.

[1:23:05] I'm very excited about it.

[1:23:07] comes out next year from aftershock comics maniac of new york pre-order it now and is it uh is it

[1:23:12] inspired or related in any way to the short uh comic we did when we did our batch of charity

[1:23:18] comics that are available on our website yes great that's a good point if you want to get

[1:23:22] kind of a sneak peek of it there is a comic book of the same name in our uh on our available on

[1:23:27] our flophouse website you can you can buy it now and all the money goes to charity and it that was

[1:23:33] kind of a uh demo run you might say for this that was kind of like me brainstorming ideas that i am

[1:23:40] then using uh in a greater narrative sense in this one so yeah good call stewart if you want

[1:23:45] a sneak peek just go do that and all that money will go to a good cause if you're a sneak peek

[1:23:50] freak let us move on to um letters from listeners like you anyway this first one is from uh that's

[1:24:04] you seem like you were opening that up for a for a what you said had a lot of like closure to it

[1:24:10] and then suddenly you opened it up in a way that made me ask questions about what was going on in

[1:24:13] the situation yeah well i mean it became ambiguous it was very concrete it became ambiguous if you're

[1:24:18] listening you know you don't know maybe this was your letter until you hear it it's like a

[1:24:24] schrodinger's letter schrodinger's letter his well schrodinger's letter was dear petco i'm not

[1:24:29] sure if my cat is alive or dead how do i find out and petco is like dude this is not on us

[1:24:35] does does schrodinger's i want a refund or maybe i don't it depends on what happens when i open

[1:24:41] the box does schrodinger have really nice handwriting because he's a really good pianist

[1:24:45] right yeah yeah yeah he loves me practicing i was in the process of thinking is there a schroeder

[1:24:53] joke here and i had decided there wasn't so i'm glad that you jumped in um so this uh letter is

[1:25:01] from trevor not noah last name withheld um which only makes me think it's more likely yeah yeah

[1:25:09] possibly yeah does he refer to you as employee dan you should you should read it in his accent dan

[1:25:15] just in case it's him

[1:25:19] it would be insulting not to do a south african accent it is so hard yeah no one's ever done one

[1:25:27] um so this yeah from trevor not no last name withheld hey peaches i'm a big fan of the flop

[1:25:35] house but my wife has only heard bits and pieces usually while riding in the car together we had

[1:25:41] just finished watching a tv show and out of nowhere she looked over at me and said bow

[1:25:47] i thought maybe this had something to do with our cat who was sitting nearby

[1:25:52] but when i didn't respond she stared at me and smiled um um okay i said not sure what she was

[1:26:00] expecting yeah louder this time bow my

[1:26:04] mouth you know like the cat uh-huh I

[1:26:07] thought about the thousands of cats I

[1:26:08] know both real and fictional I never

[1:26:11] thought she would bring up your show

[1:26:13] from the flophouse she said she was very

[1:26:16] excited to use a reference to something

[1:26:18] I liked yeah oh I responded no it's

[1:26:21] row but she was not deterred I told her

[1:26:24] I would write this I told her I would

[1:26:28] write this email and she hasn't stopped

[1:26:30] miscording the beloved house cat ever since there's no deep philosophical question here i

[1:26:35] thought you guys might enjoy knowing there's some portion of the population that is acquainted with

[1:26:40] your podcast even if they don't know the details thanks for keeping me sane in 2020 trevor okay

[1:26:45] delightful so i think i think there is a 50 50 chance they were either watching blue bloods or

[1:26:52] master chef jr what do you guys like why are you i want you i show your work on this are we betting

[1:27:00] on this are you asking us are we supposed to take that action i need to see cat elliot pull some

[1:27:04] money out i need proof that you're actually good for it okay well all right let's go round table

[1:27:10] uh say what show we think that they're watching and if any of us gets it right uh this letter

[1:27:16] writer must write in so you're saying either blue bloods or what was the other one master

[1:27:22] chef junior obviously was there a cat on the show i just got totally derailed by how he knows

[1:27:27] thousands of cats.

[1:27:28] I don't think they specified.

[1:27:32] Well, you saw the Brett Gelman show,

[1:27:33] so that's why.

[1:27:34] Yeah.

[1:27:35] That's a joke for only the people here.

[1:27:38] I'm sure there's somebody else

[1:27:41] who has been to the UCB theater

[1:27:42] at some point in the early 2000s

[1:27:44] who might have seen that show.

[1:27:45] I'm going to say they were watching

[1:27:48] The Repair Shop,

[1:27:50] which is a very comforting show on Netflix.

[1:27:51] Anyone else?

[1:27:54] I'm going to say it was either Young Sheldon or Dark.

[1:28:01] They're kind of the same show.

[1:28:04] Josh, do you have a guess here?

[1:28:06] I feel like he said watching TV, but I think on TV they were watching the movie Inside Llewyn Davis.

[1:28:11] Wow.

[1:28:13] There is a cat in it.

[1:28:14] A famous cat featuring film.

[1:28:16] There are a couple of cats.

[1:28:17] Now, I'm just excited because this means we have reached that legendary status where people are regularly misquoting us and thinking that they're quoting us, our show.

[1:28:27] Like, that's our play it again, Sam, you know, is bow, maw, maw.

[1:28:32] Is that from Cheers?

[1:28:33] That's from Cheers, yeah.

[1:28:35] The episode where he brought in his sousaphone.

[1:28:38] They were trying to get him to return to baseball.

[1:28:41] Come play it again, Sam.

[1:28:46] Like, someday in the future, someone's going to go, there's going to be some, you know, BuzzFeed article that's like, bow, ma-mow, here's what they were actually saying on the Flophouse.

[1:28:55] Yeah.

[1:28:55] It's a real Mandela effect.

[1:28:58] Yeah.

[1:28:59] Oh, let me, followers from my Twitter account will know that I have a beef about this, which is that I think it's real unfair that Nelson Mandela, a global hero of freedom, that his name got put on the effect that is basically just people being like, nuh-uh.

[1:29:14] Wait, oh, the Mandela Effect, do you mean bringing liberation to a people, an oppressed people in a nation against all odds?

[1:29:20] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[1:29:21] It's showing incredible resilience and endurance for decades until finally the moral arc of the universe bends towards justice?

[1:29:28] No, no, no.

[1:29:28] It's about thinking that it's Berenstain Bears.

[1:29:30] So I want to, I'm trying to create a movement so that the Mandela Effect becomes the name for when you get superhuman strength to lift a car off of a child that's been pinned under it.

[1:29:40] Let's see if it works out.

[1:29:41] Everybody, that's the Mandela Effect now.

[1:29:44] okay well and the other one is the babaloo mandel effect when you when you when you remember

[1:29:49] something wrong that's now named after screenwriter babaloo mandel uh writer of gung-ho among other

[1:29:53] movies who who's the other member of that team little gans yes okay mcgans and mandel yeah

[1:30:00] funniest funniest names in comedy writing teams as it's been i think they i think they got the

[1:30:09] jobs off the names yeah babaloo mandel sounds like a uh something that dennis miller would

[1:30:15] have said a lot in the in the 80s yeah yeah this guy makes lowell gant look like babaloo mandel

[1:30:23] that's pretty good someone's like dennis they work together they're not that different

[1:30:27] uh so this uh next and final letter is from heather last name withheld and heather writes

[1:30:38] how do you all have such nice teeth are they natural thanks heather uh i will i will start

[1:30:44] i can only answer for myself i had braces uh answer for me dan i probably didn't uh wear my

[1:30:52] retainer as much as i should so they're drifting a little back crooked as i age but uh that's my

[1:30:59] story what about you guys uh my story is very exciting and different i also had braces and

[1:31:05] my teeth are also drifting back and

[1:31:08] on my bottom jaw one of the teeth

[1:31:10] it's drifting but you can only feel it from the

[1:31:12] back if you look from the front I don't think you can tell

[1:31:14] so that's a little secret I have is that my tongue

[1:31:16] is constantly caressing the place where two of my

[1:31:18] teeth overlap pretty erotic

[1:31:20] huh

[1:31:20] Stuart

[1:31:23] oh I thought Josh was going to talk about my teeth

[1:31:26] but I guess I'll fucking do it

[1:31:28] we're saving it

[1:31:29] for our podcast Stuart's teeth

[1:31:32] that's where I go through my collection of antique

[1:31:35] teeth uh yeah so i also had braces but interestingly i didn't have braces until i was like

[1:31:44] 18 i had to have corrective surgery because i developed an underbite late in life uh late in

[1:31:53] life as in like when i was 17 you've been dead for a couple decades right yeah yeah that's that's

[1:32:03] late in life in medieval times sure you had you had yeah my favorite restaurant uh i did so i i

[1:32:09] had corrective jaw surgery where they they put me under and they like peeled my lips back and then

[1:32:16] they had to cut my lower jaw and push it backwards and cut my upper jaw and pull it out a little bit

[1:32:23] and that's why when you look at me you're like why does he look like a perfect specimen of a human

[1:32:28] Well, it's because it's created by science.

[1:32:30] It's not, you know.

[1:32:31] Now, would you recommend this procedure, Stuart?

[1:32:34] I mean, look at the results.

[1:32:36] He's super handsome.

[1:32:37] Yeah, I mean, I think they speak for themselves.

[1:32:39] Although, I do remember waking up from that surgery

[1:32:41] and immediately vomiting a mixture of the pizza I'd eaten the day before and blood.

[1:32:47] So, I don't recommend that part.

[1:32:49] Like a vampire ninja turtle.

[1:32:51] I'll tell you what.

[1:32:53] This listener got more than they bargained for with their question.

[1:32:57] Stuart, you reminded me of a surgery I had forgotten about where my teeth were not coming in fast enough for my orthodontist liking.

[1:33:06] So they pulled two of my teeth, cut open the gums, and put brackets on teeth that had not come out yet.

[1:33:11] And they slowly pulled those teeth down with little chains, like over time.

[1:33:15] Gross.

[1:33:16] I love the idea that this is the type of question that somebody's used to asking at parties and is like super bummed that it turned into a long conversation.

[1:33:26] Jordan, go back and put a content warning in for tooth violence, please.

[1:33:30] Josh, you also have great teeth.

[1:33:35] Thank you.

[1:33:36] I'm feeling my teeth are fine.

[1:33:37] This is my dental secret.

[1:33:39] When I was like a tween, I had a couple teeth that just didn't – I have like two fewer teeth than I should.

[1:33:46] Not to brag.

[1:33:47] Oh, wow.

[1:33:49] I'm not going to make that joke.

[1:33:52] So they were like, look, there's a little extra space in your mouth.

[1:33:55] We could give you braces, but that's the whole thing.

[1:33:57] Or we could shave down your two fang-like teeth next to your front teeth so that they'll just be a little stumpy, but we won't have to put the whole thing in to line them up.

[1:34:09] And my parents and I were like, yeah, do the weird thing that no one's ever done.

[1:34:13] And so I'm not very self-conscious, but whenever I think about my teeth, I remember that the two teeth next to my front teeth are just short little guys.

[1:34:24] They're like little sidekick teeth.

[1:34:25] Okay.

[1:34:28] So there you go.

[1:34:31] Some of you are horrified.

[1:34:34] Some of you are aroused.

[1:34:35] I love that some people listen to our show as they're going to sleep,

[1:34:38] and this will certainly affect their dreams.

[1:34:40] Let me cute this up with some cute teeth talk.

[1:34:44] My older son, Sammy, he has lost both of his front two teeth,

[1:34:47] so he's got a super classic adorable kid face.

[1:34:50] But with the second tooth we put under his pillow,

[1:34:54] And he wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy asking if this Tooth Fairy was the same Tooth Fairy that took his last tooth.

[1:34:59] And the letter he got in response explained that it's the same Tooth Fairy because this is the Tooth Fairy that handles California.

[1:35:05] And there are different Tooth Fairies for every state and major city and country.

[1:35:10] And he was very excited about learning that.

[1:35:11] So there's a network of Tooth Fairies out there all working regionally.

[1:35:15] Let's support them as best we can in these hard times.

[1:35:17] The New Jersey Tooth Fairy, Michael Imperioli.

[1:35:25] He'll sometimes come when the teeth aren't ready to come out yet,

[1:35:27] and he'll just stick his hand in a kid's mouth and be like,

[1:35:29] come on, wiggle it out, buddy.

[1:35:31] Come on, get it out of there.

[1:35:33] They're coming out sometime.

[1:35:35] And then he takes a big roll of bills out of his pocket,

[1:35:39] not in a wallet, and just peels off two ones

[1:35:42] and throws them onto the bed and walks out.

[1:35:44] Let's do the final segment of the show, which is recommendations.

[1:35:49] If you want something maybe a little better than Primal,

[1:35:54] is that possible who knows well let's let's see i in honor of cage miss uh fortunately i actually

[1:36:02] watched a nicholas cage movie that i had not seen before i'm surprised i hadn't seen before it took

[1:36:07] me a very long time but i watched valley girl which i enjoyed quite a bit um it was like you

[1:36:14] know like i grew up with these these 80s teen comedies and so it was nice to find one that i

[1:36:21] like i hadn't seen before that i could enjoy that also was like had had like a very minimal like

[1:36:28] objectionable amount of stuff like there's nothing in it that upset me i mean nick cage gets a little

[1:36:35] stalkery at the end but uh other than that it's that movie has my number one hamburger bite i've

[1:36:42] ever seen in a movie oh yeah it's also ranked next to my favorite snakes if you're wondering

[1:36:47] It's in my journal.

[1:36:49] It's number one behind two other hamburger bites from other movies.

[1:36:54] Number three is a snake biting a hamburger.

[1:36:57] Of only a snake bit at Bushmaster biting into a hamburger.

[1:37:00] Why haven't we seen that in movies yet?

[1:37:01] Oh, my God.

[1:37:02] That's going to be my next tattoo.

[1:37:03] You know the Lumiere brothers were like, this is why we created this medium, to see a snake bite into a hamburger.

[1:37:10] And it just hasn't happened yet.

[1:37:12] So this movie is from 1983.

[1:37:15] A lot of people probably know about it already.

[1:37:17] so i won't go too much into but it's a it was made to capitalize on the brief uh cultural

[1:37:22] fascination with the idea of the valley girl which came out of uh in some part the frank zappa moon

[1:37:29] unit zappa song valley girl which is really like sort of shitty and snide about valley girls in a

[1:37:35] way that the movie is not at all um it's directed by martha coolidge and i think it's one of these

[1:37:41] cases where having a woman director uh do this movie that that focuses in large part on this

[1:37:48] uh young girl allows her to be a little more complex than otherwise would be the case uh

[1:37:55] otherwise they could just be making fun of this but it's a it's a romeo and juliet tale a valley

[1:38:01] girl uh falls for a a punk from not in the valley played by nicholas cage and uh two things i want

[1:38:10] to say about it is like number one i think movies get punks wrong a lot of the time like i feel like

[1:38:15] in movies they're just shown as these forces of aggression and you know the punks that i knew from

[1:38:22] college i feel like a lot of them used this aggressive stance to cover up for a lot of

[1:38:30] sensitivity this is like their way of kind of dealing with the world and and nicholas cage

[1:38:36] felt like one of these people i could have known and i also want to say that you know just at the

[1:38:42] beginning of his career sometimes you forget what a dreamboat this guy was like you look at him in

[1:38:49] this movie he's got beautiful eyes and you can see how like there's no way this uh young woman

[1:38:57] would not fall for this guy like he is he just wants to be with her he's so sweet um and it's

[1:39:06] just a really like sweet movie that you know that these kids aren't going to stay together you know

[1:39:11] this is a high school romance but it's a movie that is as much about i think the lead becoming

[1:39:17] a better person and learning what it is to you know strike out and make your own path as it is

[1:39:23] about the romance so i i was touched by it it's a lot of fun i'm gonna um go go on the similar

[1:39:30] theme of good nicholas cage movies from the 80s uh and this is one that maybe a lot of people have

[1:39:35] scene it escaped my viewing i was trying for years but it kept escaping every time you thought

[1:39:43] you'd catch it you'd go to the snare and it would be empty with just like some drops of blood where

[1:39:48] it chewed its way out a taunting note um uh mr gondolman you should have caught me i gave you

[1:39:55] all the clues and some such um but moonstruck which like yes a classic that i've missed out

[1:40:02] on my early this year my wife had been like oh let's watch moonstruck like we we had a night

[1:40:07] stuff to watch a movie she's like how about moonstruck and i said sure i didn't know anything

[1:40:11] about it the only thing i knew is it's either the one where nicholas cage eats the bug or it's not

[1:40:16] and folks it's not um share and nicholas cage play people living in a um uh like bay ridge

[1:40:26] brooklyn in the 80s very italian neighborhood uh share's fiance share gets engaged her fiance

[1:40:32] leaves to go see his grandmother i think in italy and he's he tasks her with inviting his estranged

[1:40:39] brother nicholas cage to their wedding and when she does he's uh unreasonable and uh sexually

[1:40:47] magnetic and it's like you said like i felt like i did some bagging on nicholas cage for being

[1:40:53] you know older middle slightly older than middle-aged and like a little uh disheveled

[1:40:59] and primal but this is nicholas cage where you're like oh this guy gets after it he he really he

[1:41:05] really brings it in the sack and it's like kind of the central theme of the movie is nicholas cage

[1:41:12] is so good at sex he'll uh he'll change your life the whole course of your life yeah you're like

[1:41:19] that's what a white tank top is supposed to look like on a person yeah yeah yeah yeah that movie's

[1:41:27] so much fun i saw it for the first time as well during quarantine and which is still going on

[1:41:31] obviously um and uh my it's it had been one of my wife's favorite movies so we got to watch it

[1:41:37] together and it was like the moment when it clicked that it's basically like like a shakespearean

[1:41:43] comedy but set in brooklyn uh was that's when i was like oh i get this movie and i like it a lot

[1:41:50] yeah and his the scene that introduces him is like i think about it all the time now the the

[1:41:58] scene where where she comes to his bakery or the bakery where he works to invite him to the wedding

[1:42:03] and he's just like it's it's big cage but it also is big cage in a way that like is within the scope

[1:42:11] of like what he's supposed to do in this movie yeah it's great i also want to just give a little

[1:42:17] behind the scenes uh you know we're using uh skype for this call god knows why because many better

[1:42:24] things exist now but with the skype reaction dan it's inertia yeah the skype reactions uh when i

[1:42:32] said valley girl and when josh said uh moonstruck both times stewart did the heart reaction i was

[1:42:39] like oh quick i gotta show him how much i love it yeah without interrupting uh so i'm going to uh

[1:42:47] i'm going to break the chain uh and i am going to recommend a new movie that does not feature

[1:42:52] nicholas cage uh i'm going to recommend a movie called uh sound of metal it's on amazon prime

[1:42:58] right now it's about a young uh punk rock drummer played by riz ahmed who uh starts to lose his

[1:43:06] hearing and he has to figure out a way uh to uh kind of live a life uh as a deaf person um and

[1:43:15] this is a character that as we get to know him we realize that that being a drummer and that sort of

[1:43:21] thing had also been kind of a way for him to run away from other past issues uh and it's a fairly

[1:43:29] straightforward drama but it's shot beautifully and it has a couple of very amazing uh performances

[1:43:35] including from uh riz Ahmed uh who just looks oh man like a whole dang meal this guy uh and the

[1:43:43] also I want to mention that my buddy Harry did some of the drum work for it uh so I get to

[1:43:49] continue the recent trend of Stuart uh name dropping people involved in movies that he likes

[1:43:54] he did it good job thank you thank you name dropped sound as the sound of the name dropping

[1:44:04] I'm going to mention – I'm also not going to recommend an Nicolas Cage movie, but because it's Cagemas, I'm recommending a movie that partly takes place at Christmas, so that's a connection, I guess.

[1:44:14] This is – I'm going to recommend the movie The Silent Partner from 1978 starring Elliot Gould, Christopher Plummer, and Susanna York, which is a – I don't want to talk too much about the plot because it's twisty and turny.

[1:44:26] But essentially, Elliot Gould is a mild-mannered bank teller who decides he's going to take advantage of the fact that he suspects that a man played by Christopher Plummer is planning to rob the bank to actually kind of pre-rob the bank and gets involved in vengeance and twisty turns and things like that.

[1:44:46] And it's really good.

[1:44:48] It is – even though it is listed as a comedy in some places, it is not a comedy.

[1:44:53] It is a very, like, it's a thriller that is both super smart and very well made and also kind of sleazy in an enjoyable way.

[1:45:03] There's, like, it's a pretty respectable sleazy thriller that has two scenes that are gruesome.

[1:45:10] There's two violent scenes where women are the targets that I'll warn you about, one of which enters into, like, giallo territory for a moment.

[1:45:19] But Christopher Plummer is super scary in it, and Elliot Gould is very good in it as a kind of not bumbling guy, but a believably, like, guy who got himself in too deep.

[1:45:29] And you get to see beautiful Canada in the late 70s and all the house interiors and clothing implied by that.

[1:45:40] And features a performance by an actress named Celine Gomez, who I was not super familiar with.

[1:45:48] And she's great in it.

[1:45:49] And she plays a character who has more going on with her than it seems at first.

[1:45:53] But The Silent Partner, if you're interested in a taut thriller that is just a great slice of 70s movies, you could do worse than that.

[1:46:05] I'd recommend it.

[1:46:06] Yeah, I appreciate it.

[1:46:07] Like that is like a mean movie in a lot of ways, which is what I – I mean if it's a comedy, it's a comedy in the sense – like a very, very dry sense in the way that people who love thrillers I think will sort of chuckle at how like brutal it gets.

[1:46:22] At mean things that happen to people, yeah.

[1:46:24] But I would not – but it is a thriller and like I watched it being like, oh, I've heard of this movie before but I don't really know much about it and it's listed as like a comedy thriller and like almost instantly I'm like this is not a funny – like this is great but this is not a funny movie.

[1:46:36] Even though John Candy is in it in a small role,

[1:46:38] not being funny, it's a...

[1:46:41] Impossible.

[1:46:41] Yeah.

[1:46:42] I mean...

[1:46:43] He's got candy in his name, for God's sakes.

[1:46:46] He does have candy in his name.

[1:46:47] He is delicious in this movie.

[1:46:49] And Christopher Plummer manages to be,

[1:46:52] just every time he's on screen,

[1:46:55] genuinely frightening and eerie in a way

[1:46:57] that I did not expect.

[1:46:58] Do you think when they made the Super Mario Bros. movie,

[1:47:01] Christopher Plummer was mad

[1:47:04] that he didn't get hired to play Mario?

[1:47:05] Because he's like, I'm a plumber.

[1:47:07] It's in my name.

[1:47:08] You know he sent his tape in and was like, I should have worn a mustache when I did the audition.

[1:47:12] That was my problem.

[1:47:14] I didn't wear a mustache on my tape.

[1:47:16] You know, Elliot, you were just like sort of gesturing at a Christopher Plummer voice.

[1:47:21] But I could at the same time hear it.

[1:47:23] I really think you captured something there.

[1:47:25] Thank you.

[1:47:26] I appreciate that.

[1:47:26] There's one moment in this movie.

[1:47:27] I'll just tell you how it got at me particularly.

[1:47:29] Where Christopher Plummer knows where Elliot Gould lives.

[1:47:33] And he's always calling him from a payphone outside that he can see him from.

[1:47:37] And Christopher Lomer comes up into the hallway and starts talking to him through the mail slot.

[1:47:41] And it was so frightening to me, the idea that it's like, oh, there's just a door between these two guys.

[1:47:47] And they're looking at each other through this mail slot.

[1:47:49] And it's like tapped into the same thing that is like when you have a dream where you're going to the bathroom, but someone can see you going to the bathroom.

[1:47:58] Like that kind of fear of exposure.

[1:48:00] The ultimate fantasy, yeah.

[1:48:03] I mean, not for me, but – so anyway, but it's just – there are little things like that that are, like, super creepy, and then the movie gets, yeah, very brutal.

[1:48:11] So that's my recommendation.

[1:48:14] Cool.

[1:48:15] Well, guys, Josh, it's been, like, such a pleasure to have you on.

[1:48:20] Is there a thing or multiple things you would like to plug?

[1:48:24] Oh, thank you.

[1:48:25] Sure.

[1:48:25] And this has been such a pleasure for me.

[1:48:27] I'm such a fan of the show, and I really enjoyed hanging out and talking about Nick Cage.

[1:48:32] I have a podcast called Make My Day.

[1:48:34] It's a comedy game show where there's only one contestant

[1:48:38] or two contestants playing as a team, so the contestants always win.

[1:48:40] That's great.

[1:48:41] I have a book called Nice Try that's an essay collection

[1:48:44] that I'm very proud of and still exists.

[1:48:47] And Desus and Mero comes back on January 31st for season three,

[1:48:52] and I'm very excited, and I think it's a fun show

[1:48:55] that people might like if they haven't tried it.

[1:48:56] Yeah, it was a big part of my quarantine

[1:49:00] was watching their current episodes,

[1:49:02] then catching up with some of the old ones they're so funny and i say that like i'm i'm very proud of

[1:49:08] the show and like the work we that like that we do on it obviously that the whole team does

[1:49:13] but also it's just like watching the tapings because they're so spontaneous i laugh a lot

[1:49:17] just like well i wouldn't have come up with that which is like a very funny way to feel about a

[1:49:23] show that you write for i was i was doing a show that for uh that never ended up going into

[1:49:28] production for uh true tv and they were like we yet we really want the host to have like a real

[1:49:34] desus and mero vibe like you want to be like desus and mero and i'm like you're not going to

[1:49:37] like it's not gonna happen like those two guys have that yeah yeah yeah you we want you to give

[1:49:43] us the dictionary definition of charisma basically yeah you mean two guys who seem like who have like

[1:49:52] incredible synergy incredible charisma incredible chemistry and have their their list of references

[1:49:57] includes everything that's ever happened okay guys well um yes again thank you josh for being

[1:50:06] here thank you to jordan cowling for making us sound good uh by doing editing and sound stuff

[1:50:14] and all sorts of things i don't understand if you listen to the podcast when i did it

[1:50:19] You can hear the improvement.

[1:50:21] Thank you to our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:50:25] Please rate us on iTunes.

[1:50:28] Well, I hope, let people know about the show.

[1:50:31] Check out the other great podcasts at MaximumFun.org.

[1:50:36] And I think that's it.

[1:50:38] Thank you so much.

[1:50:39] Another cage miss in the books.

[1:50:41] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:50:43] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:50:44] I'm still Elliot Kalin.

[1:50:47] oh i was i'm ben josh condelman i didn't i didn't want to intrude this is something we

[1:50:52] continually forget to tell our guests that they should say their names too at the end this happens

[1:50:57] a lot i like it this way i was just thinking i'm like oh did we figure it out like that seemed like

[1:51:03] a pretty smooth ending did we figure it out and then it turns out we didn't we nailed it no this

[1:51:08] is my fault not yours we were we were walking out of the house and we said didn't trip over our own

[1:51:13] dicks this time

[1:51:13] and then suddenly

[1:51:14] what was in our path

[1:51:15] our own dicks

[1:51:16] and I tripped over

[1:51:17] see you next time

[1:51:21] bye

[1:51:21] I'm not an accent guy

[1:51:34] I think we've covered

[1:51:35] that in the show

[1:51:36] I'm more of a

[1:51:37] you know like a

[1:51:38] hype man type character

[1:51:39] mm-hmm

[1:51:40] yep

[1:51:41] for Castle Freak

[1:51:42] yep

[1:51:43] maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

Ep. #332 - Primal

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