FH Mini 21 - Stuey Goes to Hollywood

[0:00] hey there and welcome to another flop house mini a shorter off week episode of a podcast that's

[0:11] normally about watching bad movies and talking about it but on these minis we just kind of talk

[0:15] about whatever the fuck uh i'm your host stewart wellington and joining me are my co-hosts dan

[0:20] mccoy and elliot calen hey guys do you like my vocal fry no i don't

[0:29] hey does that burger come with a side of fries

[0:36] you know in uh in england they call it vocal chips

[0:43] that's cool that's for sure now guys times have been a little bit tough uh for everybody for well

[0:54] a lot of reasons um at least for me we're gonna focus on me though me is that it's all about me

[1:00] today well that's why we have this time stew so you can this is your time you know that you're

[1:05] paying for it just unload you know yeah we had uh new year's eve and new year's day and now this is

[1:11] stew years day where we focus on stew yeah uh and on stew years day i got you know i got a text from

[1:17] my therapist he's like hey why aren't you aren't you coming in today you have an appointment i'm

[1:22] like oh no i'm doing a podcast i don't need therapy today and your therapist was like you

[1:27] do a podcast you must be super cool i'm like yeah we haven't covered this before it's not that big

[1:33] part of my life because that's a big part of therapy i mean is is being a therapist telling

[1:42] uh your your what charge uh that yeah that's what a therapist patient or client is known as

[1:48] they are super cool uh yeah ward um so uh times are a little bit tough as as i said you know

[1:58] smiling through the tears um luckily the podcast's going okay but uh i don't know if you guys know

[2:04] this but my my other career in addition to being a podcaster is uh i own a couple of bars and the

[2:11] bar biz is uh hit a hit a rocky patch lately uh not a lot of people going out uh and you know

[2:19] so you're gonna bring the booze to them with booze drones now you just slap a slap a bottle on a

[2:25] drone send it over we are breaking several interstate uh commerce laws so and international

[2:32] because they're going overseas uh-huh and i'm slapping and i'm slapping cameras on those drones

[2:37] so i can get as much found footage as possible it's not found footage per se i mean i guess

[2:43] the drones crashed what if he picks up a ghost or a blare witch on that drone that's found footage

[2:52] yeah i found it and then he walked over to the drone and picked it up using his feet when he

[2:58] walked that's footage all right so uh for people who aren't familiar with uh you know i'm giving

[3:05] everybody uh a peek uh of our private lives some people might not be familiar with us for some

[3:11] folks for some listeners this might be their first episode in which case turn it off go listen to a

[3:17] different one listen the one where i talk about warhammer um but uh that'll give you a better

[3:22] idea what the show's like i just want basically what i'm trying to say is that of the three of

[3:27] us i'm the only one who isn't a working tv writer so i thought why not we make it all three of us

[3:34] are tv writers why not we make it indeed you've got that writer's ear

[3:38] you do talk like my two-year-old who says things like yeah i did do did that

[3:45] yeah so i'm introducing my just my two-year-old all the time i'll be like do you want this cookie

[3:52] i do want that cookie wait you don't want it no i do and it's like you don't have you don't need

[3:57] to use so many words just say yes yeah i mean they do you do your children get frustrated with

[4:04] being interrupted all the time or do you just reserve that shit for me and dan oh no no it's

[4:08] it's a real it's a real uh comeuppance where i'm constantly interrupted by them

[4:12] uh-huh so we i'd like to introduce a new segment here on the flop house mini

[4:17] uh and it is called stewart holly woodington colon apotheosis okay i would love to see where

[4:27] this is headed this doubles as a metal album uh-huh yep so i so guys clearly i love movies

[4:35] i love cinema but i also have a deep sharp understanding for television as you guys might

[4:42] remember on a previous episode i created the perfect uh description of all television the

[4:48] perfect balance for any tv show is cop and not a cop so the best way for me to get a high-paying

[4:54] hollywood job now that i have already figured out the the secret to hollywood is to i mean you

[4:59] realize that's really more of a movie pitch well so i don't know about that wait cop and not a cop

[5:06] like every tv show yeah you got like say castle you got cop and uh then uh a paperback mystery

[5:14] writer i mean i guess they weren't okay so that's so that's castle that's one show out of the peak

[5:18] television of six or seven i mean there's what about what about bones dude one of them's a cop

[5:24] and the other one's bones i think and the other one's a skeleton that's true i mean and on girls

[5:28] Lena Dunham is a cop

[5:30] and her friends

[5:30] are not cops

[5:31] the scarecrow

[5:33] and Mrs. King

[5:33] that's a spy

[5:34] not a spy

[5:36] but it's basically

[5:37] the same thing

[5:38] moonlighting

[5:39] is a detective

[5:40] not a detective

[5:41] I love that

[5:42] you really have

[5:42] your finger on the

[5:43] pulse Dan

[5:44] of what's going on

[5:45] with TV these days

[5:46] it's a classic formula

[5:49] now which one

[5:50] was Hardcastle

[5:50] and which one

[5:51] was McCormick

[5:52] which one was Simon

[5:53] and which one

[5:54] was Simon

[5:54] so I know

[5:55] I assume Jake

[5:56] was the cop

[5:57] since the fat man

[5:57] could not pass

[5:58] the physical oh you would be surprised elliot that was a show that i got very excited about

[6:03] to watch as a kid it seemed like an adult program and when i stayed up late to watch it i felt like

[6:08] i was being an adult uh so i figured now you guys once again i'm turning to you guys you guys are

[6:14] the professionals in this business and i figured i'm assuming the best way to get a high-paying

[6:19] hollywood gig elliot i'm looking to you for this one the best way is to pitch a hit tv show just

[6:25] It's like take a hit TV show and pitch it straightforward, and that's how you get the job.

[6:29] You mean take a show that's already a hit and pitch it again, or pitch a show that becomes a hit?

[6:34] Well, we'll see.

[6:35] So I've been watching a lot of Cobra Kai lately, and I don't know if you guys are familiar.

[6:42] It's a hot TV show that takes a popular movie from the 1980s, Karate Kid, that people have a lot of nostalgia for,

[6:49] And then they create a sequel that comes out, a sequel to the story that's kind of like a modern take on it.

[6:57] In this case, it adds a new perspective where we have, like, Johnny, who was previously the villain.

[7:02] It's set many years later, and the previous villain is actually an unlikely hero.

[7:06] And it kind of updates the whole thing.

[7:08] And I feel like that is, with that in mind, Stuart Holly Woodington is going to take it up to the next level.

[7:16] And you guys are going to help me with some of these pitches.

[7:18] How does that sound?

[7:19] Do you guys think you can, without interrupting me a million times, let's see.

[7:23] I can't promise you that part, but I will say, not joking, that is a very good strategy.

[7:28] If you can find a previously existing piece of IP that has nostalgia and name value, and you find a new take on it that you can showify, adapt into a show, then yes, that is a good way to get into professional television writing.

[7:40] Now, to get the meetings to pitch this show is going to take a number of more steps, but we'll get to that later.

[7:45] Hit us with these pitches.

[7:46] Give us these pitches.

[7:48] So I feel like a natural progression.

[7:50] So I'm mainly thinking about movies that I remember watching a lot as a kid.

[7:53] Since I'm, you know, already super familiar with it, I have a memory like a steel trap.

[7:58] So the first one I'm going to go with that I think is very similar in some ways to Karate Kid is Back to the Future.

[8:06] And this is an easy one because an easy twist on it is instead of worrying about that Marty McFly guy, let's find out what Biff is all about, right?

[8:16] Now, here we have Biff.

[8:17] He's an old man.

[8:19] He senses that there's something kind of wrong with his life, something wrong with the universe.

[8:24] Things aren't quite how they should be.

[8:27] He should be on top, not this Marty McFly clown.

[8:30] So, due to something that will work out in time, he travels through.

[8:37] He finds a way to travel through time and space to try and make things right or wrong, depending on your perspective.

[8:44] And finally, get what's his.

[8:46] So what do you think, guys?

[8:48] How hard do you think this will be?

[8:50] I feel like the whole cast is still alive, right?

[8:53] Dan, jump on IMDb.

[8:54] You've got to find out if the whole cast is still alive.

[8:56] We need the whole cast, Dan.

[8:58] It only works with the whole cast.

[8:59] I mean, Crispin Glover is going to be hard to get, but let's bring him in, you know?

[9:02] I feel like Crispin Glover would be down when he hears that this is a fresh new take on the material.

[9:08] I mean, let's gloss over the fact that the star, Michael J. Fox, has retired for health-related reasons

[9:13] and just keep going with the premise other than that it is a that is a solid solid adaptation

[9:19] premise so here's what i'm going to tell you is biff the biff we see at the end of the first

[9:23] movie who is waxing george mcfly's car because he's just you know he can't he's a loser now

[9:28] he's visited by the council of crosstime biffs that's right i'm stealing that premise from

[9:33] the avengers because back the future 2 introduced us to the concept of alternate dimensions there

[9:37] is an alternate world where biff is the president mayor of wherever they live whatever you know he's

[9:42] basically trump but just in that one town and they've decided that this biff is not cutting it

[9:48] and he's got to figure out a way to get back on top or else they're going to revoke his biff card

[9:53] which basically means killing him or erasing his existence or something like that you know now it's

[9:58] it's eerie how similar that is to like a rick and morty episode yeah it really is by the way

[10:03] pitching a rick and morty episode another way to get a hot hollywood gig i'd imagine that's that's

[10:08] true i mean that is it is i had a conversation with another uh entertainment professional

[10:12] recently where i was like well rick and morty's just back to the future but they're mean to each

[10:16] other and the guy was like wait what he had not he had not realized it had not put two and two

[10:21] together i oh that's great i do think well here's my uh gloss on this though i do think that uh

[10:30] you're gonna get oh you're not gonna get past the uh fact that um let's call him biff prime

[10:37] is a is a sex criminal uh so i think that's gonna be hard to redeem that character so

[10:43] the thing about back to the future is everyone in back to the future is just clones of their

[10:48] parents uh except for crispin glover and uh leah tops like either clones or it leaps a generation

[10:56] or like in weird cases uh leah thompson who's not part of the mcfly line uh the great great

[11:03] grandmother in the old west still looks like leah thompson so it's about yeah much like star wars

[11:08] it's about uh the bloodlines of these families so what if uh there's a biff further down the

[11:15] line on the bloodline who is maybe a nicer biff who realizes that uh you know his anger is that

[11:23] not only has marty uh ruined a biff prime's life but the entire uh biff family has has now been

[11:32] destroyed here's where i'm going to here's where i'm going to uh try to try to not yes and you

[11:38] dance so i'm going to say one this is the age of the anti-hero so like you're gonna know no but

[11:44] him that bad boy means that he assaulted leah thompson at the prime i don't think we want to

[11:49] go down this road i think and he's look if it's we want one of the hottest tv shows of the golden

[11:56] age of television the one about a mobster who kills all the people closest to him the one about

[12:01] and mild manner man who becomes a drug dealer and kills all the people closest to him and the one

[12:05] about an ad man who just cannot keep his dick in his pants and it's just lying his head off i mean

[12:11] elliot for sure for reality we can uh sell a show about a horrible person but for the funzos of

[12:17] laugh-em-ups i was just trying to steer us here's what i'm saying here's what i'm saying so i'll say

[12:23] then is the series is not about biff trying to get back on top now forget that biff discovers

[12:28] that all of marty mcfly's bouncing around in time has really warped and damaged the space-time

[12:35] continuum am i drawing on another marvel comics storyline yes i am the age of ultron crossover

[12:39] not the movie uh and so he's an unlikely hero because he's a bad guy but he's gonna his only

[12:45] chance to turn over a new leaf and redeem himself is to fix the space-time continuum because this

[12:50] marty mcfly guy is has been playing the universe like it's a electric guitar at a prom and so he's

[12:56] got a he's not the man he's not the right man for the job but he's the man who has to do the job

[13:00] biff to the future coming to apple tv probably or how about this what if scott bacula just like

[13:06] leaps into a bunch of like a shit ton of biffs like you know like biff has been fucking up

[13:12] you know like whether it's grandpa biff or or main biff like they've been fucking up

[13:17] for generations so scott bacula just you know like leaps through like four or five biffs it's

[13:22] limited series you know on hbo so this is so you're positing right at the beginning that that

[13:27] quantum leap and back to the future take place in the same universe yes it makes a lot of sense to

[13:32] me i don't know if you met if you forgot that those are two different things but they oh a

[13:36] crossover between existing properties isn't going to be profitable elliot yeah you're keeping your

[13:42] you're taking your eyes off the prize which is to to you know get steward a job no no exactly i'm

[13:48] just saying it's twice as much ip that you're going to have to get the rights to and that's

[13:51] difficult but again this is just for fun so throw whatever you want in there throw jurassic park in

[13:55] there throw schindler's list in there they're all all the spielberg movies too throw them in there

[13:58] all the robertson mechison spielberg movies and quantum leap throw them in one thing they got to

[14:02] take the polar express ready player one i mean that is ready yeah you're i mean you're basically

[14:10] just describing the t-shirts that keep getting pitched to me on instagram and facebook um so

[14:15] i got i got a whole bunch of these to get through so i'm going to move to the next one and to help

[14:19] me with this one i'm going to need a little help from uh another pitch man my my favorite pitch

[14:25] man i know charlene wellington come on down hi guys oh uh let me let me set you set you up here

[14:33] so this one we're going to do uh we're going to do a little sequel or prequel i don't exactly

[14:38] know what she has in mind here for now stewart charlene is your daughter this is how you flatter

[14:43] women dan yeah yeah well uh pretty good i mean i guess i do have uh i do have a new ring light

[14:50] so our skin looks really great your skin does look great and i apologize i should not have

[14:55] been so misogynist with my compliments alternately could work the other way uh charlene is this your

[15:00] son stewart i mean based on most of my behavior and interest you can guess that uh so this we're

[15:08] gonna uh this is gonna be a sequel prequel or something related to one of my favorite movies

[15:14] growing up uh better off dead better off dead my favorite christmas movie better off dead the story

[15:21] of the paper boy so the paper boy is all grown up he's got a successful business nothing fancy

[15:28] maybe like a landscaping business um lane is the villain because yeah because he's rich he's got he

[15:36] can afford to put his girlfriend's face on every one of his hangers and it's not like now he had

[15:41] to get those printed it's not like now where you just print it on your computer like he had to

[15:45] take these photos get the film developed go to the photo mat get them all printed and have them put

[15:51] on all the hangers and this guy i mean i don't know if you've ever had a paper route but you

[15:55] have to pay in advance for the papers yes yes i did have a paper route we've seen newsies we know

[16:02] he just refuses to pay two dollars and no tip that's ridiculous so muscles is here anyway lane

[16:10] lane is the villain and it's like all the paper boys they're all grown up and i think maybe they

[16:19] have like a successful landscaping business and all the kids in the neighborhood work for them

[16:25] but they're also in competition with like the rich guys kids right okay you following me yeah

[16:32] i'm kind of i'm kind of not sure why he's still mad about the two dollars at this point if it

[16:36] he's not mad he's moved on he's moved on he's a successful landscaper but now like the neighborhood

[16:44] kids work for him you know the less fortunate well less rich kids and you know the kids of

[16:50] the skiers they're like in competition they hate each other so it sounds like only good things seem

[16:56] to happen yes but entourage but for sure but it's narrated kind of like those um rudolph the reindeer

[17:05] movies by the hamburger in a van any van halen sound alike voice oh i thought you're gonna say

[17:12] narrated it which was i would have to break that would actually be does does booger have a kid too

[17:18] in it or is it just all the characters have kids no i just have one page of notes booger booger has

[17:26] like a hardware store or something and he's just fine he's doing fine ricky's a hoarder ricky's mom

[17:32] is at a nursing home i love this is a show about people growing up and having respectable middle

[17:38] class small businesses like no one's right what you know no one's no one's super wealthy everyone's

[17:45] doing fine they're stable there's the wealthy kids and the and the working class kids and

[17:50] they're at odds okay um i i don't think they do karate though this sounds like this pitch sounds

[17:57] like the like the polar opposite of the real housewives franchise because nobody's wealthy

[18:02] and there's no drama i mean you could you could go like the riverdale route with this and it would

[18:08] be all about the sexy children of the better off dead crew i don't know that you want to say sexy

[18:13] children Dan okay I children in the sense that like I am the child of my parents Elliot

[18:19] I know no I knew what you meant I just someone's gonna make a soundboard where you press a button

[18:24] it's you saying sexy children and you don't want that and now I've said it so now they can make

[18:28] that soundboard for me and and all the kids hang out at the Porky's uh hamburger joint

[18:35] that's like their peach pit it's called Porky's peach pit

[18:39] i mean it's a real it's a real slice of life story this it feels like this is uh you know

[18:46] it's uh it's uh i wonder if this is maybe more of a breaking away show the way you're describing it

[18:51] you know i think instead of fighting they have song and dance offs they just break into song

[18:59] okay well everybody loves songs and dances so that was that's our pitch for better off dead

[19:04] everybody has a nice uh business everybody's doing okay but not great and then there's songs

[19:10] and dancing i mean i think right now the kids hang out at a place nursing home oh okay yeah

[19:16] and the what i mean right now though i think people want people have a real thirst for a show

[19:22] that's mostly just pleasant i mean like that's what everyone wants in quarantine times extraordinary

[19:28] playlists but nobody's dying yeah there you go i mean schitt's creek has ended right so there's

[19:33] really there's real room for like a show that just makes you feel just makes you feel warm

[19:37] yeah it'll be a while before we get some new ted lasso you gotta you gotta fill that niche

[19:43] yeah i don't have apple plus so uh we're moving on to the next one i got a thing this is this is

[19:49] a for this is a uh one percenter gripe i got a thing in the mail that was like for awards season

[19:54] here's your viewing code for apple plus for your consideration i was like oh great i'll finally get

[19:58] to watch that ted lasso show and then it was just for their original movies so i can watch that tom

[20:03] hank's world war ii navy movie and i was like great thanks i wanted to see ted lesson elliot

[20:07] you're a dad that is right up your alley i did i did say i did say when when uh my wife and i

[20:13] looked at it i did i did say hmm this is solid dad stuff like hmm i wonder uh i wonder how many

[20:22] epaulets he has on that thing he's wearing do you know uh let me uh pause the movie here just to

[20:27] talk about the tonnage that that ship could carry in those in those types of waters uh it's not

[20:31] Riding low enough.

[20:32] Macho Man to the top rope.

[20:35] The flying elbow.

[20:37] The cover.

[20:38] We've got a new champion.

[20:42] We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion.

[20:50] What are you going to do now, Match?

[20:51] I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast.

[20:56] Oh, yeah.

[20:56] Tell us more about this podcast.

[20:58] It's the podcast of power.

[21:00] Too sweet to be sour.

[21:01] Funky like a monkey.

[21:02] Woke discussions, man.

[21:04] And jokes about wrestlers' fashion choices.

[21:07] Myself excluded.

[21:09] I can't wait to listen.

[21:11] Neither can I.

[21:12] You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun.

[21:15] Oh, yeah.

[21:16] Dig it.

[21:17] So, I think this is talking about epaulets and tonnage.

[21:23] I think it's a perfect time for us to take a little break from all this.

[21:28] know everybody's worked up listening to all my pitches by the way i forgot to say this right up

[21:32] front but fucking tm dude nobody can steal this shit this is mine it's all based on pre-existing

[21:38] material and other other people dear god dear god do not do not not give charlene credit let me tell

[21:45] you uh okay so we're gonna do a quick word from our sponsors that's who keeps the lights on here

[21:50] at the flop house uh and it's the flop house that keeps the lights on in my life uh this word is

[21:56] the the sponsor from for today's episode is squarespace squarespace is a way to make a

[22:05] beautiful website uh you can turn your cool idea into a brand new website uh you can blog or

[22:11] publish content you can sell stuff you can sell services of all kinds uh like screenwriting help

[22:17] like what i'm asking for right now and more uh squarespace does this by giving you beautiful

[22:23] customizable templates created by world-class designers not just regular old designers like

[22:29] the one you see down the street unless they are a world-class designer in which case

[22:33] more power to them they're probably working for squarespace yeah uh everything is optimized for

[22:38] mobile right out of the box you don't have to uh i don't know like plug it into something else and

[22:43] do something else and twist the knob and pull a lever it's ready to go right out of the box

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[22:54] that has something to do with what you plug into your little google search bar i don't know exactly

[22:59] and it's free and secure hosting uh so yeah uh let's see um man i messed this one up uh so

[23:09] go check out squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch

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[23:25] Oh, well, well, well.

[23:27] Not so easy, is it, Mr. Wellington?

[23:29] Oh, looky what we have here.

[23:32] Oh, ta-ta-ta-tee.

[23:34] Oh, you caught me.

[23:35] You create a little petard by sending me the email right before the show while I was doing other stuff.

[23:44] And then I stepped directly on that baton.

[23:47] That was entrapment.

[23:49] That was entrapment, Daniel.

[23:50] I was prepared to read this, and then at the last minute we decided it made more sense for Stuart to read it if he was in the driver's seat.

[23:57] He would know where the natural brake is.

[24:00] I feel like, Dan, a friend would say, I'm prepared.

[24:03] Why don't you just tell me to go, and then I'll do it, rather than throwing you to the wolves, the Squarespace wolves.

[24:09] I'm trying to be helpful.

[24:10] Squarespace, build it, beautiful.

[24:13] That used to be their slogan.

[24:15] That's not their slogan anymore.

[24:15] Square Pace, the stability of the square with the openness of outer space.

[24:19] Yeah.

[24:19] Okay, guys, we're back.

[24:21] And you guys are helping me put together my TV pitches into some kind of, what, resume?

[24:26] I don't know.

[24:28] I don't know what writers do.

[24:29] Wait, this is your premise.

[24:30] So, welcome back to Stuart Holly Woodington colon apotheosis.

[24:37] The next property that I think is ripe for a sequel is a little movie called Coming to America.

[24:44] I mean, it is.

[24:46] They are releasing a sequel to that movie soon.

[24:48] Bad news for you, Stuart.

[24:48] Is it a TV show?

[24:51] It's a movie that they're doing for Amazon, I think.

[24:56] Well, it is either Amazon or Netflix, a home streaming service.

[24:59] so wait a minute wouldn't it make a lot of sense if they released a tv show at the same time to

[25:07] kind of like tie it all together uh does it tie it together or was it we'll be we'll find out

[25:12] so the premise here is it is set in modern day many years after the original movie came out

[25:20] which i did not do the research to find out the exact release date

[25:25] you know it's the 80s the hero of the show is daryl jenks the heir to the soul glow fortune

[25:32] played by eric lasalle uh so it's years later his life is in tatters his fortune has dried up

[25:40] as soul glow has fallen out of style he's haunted ironically because as you've seen from the movie

[25:45] soul glow does not dry out it leaves the hair with kind of a wet sheen all the time i thought

[25:50] that would be a fun choice of words by me and he's also like enjoying pronouncing words too

[25:59] yeah he's he's he's also like haunted by the robbery that he was uh that he wasn't uh he

[26:07] wasn't able to stop that he had to rely on uh akim to to stop from the robbery at the mcdowell's

[26:13] yeah samuel jackson in an early role uh-huh maybe samuel jackson shows back up we'll find out

[26:18] However, he finds out that there's one way for, that Solglo has suddenly become very popular in one place in the world.

[26:25] That's right, Zamunda.

[26:27] So the only way for him to build his fortune back is to go back and begin a coup against King Aki.

[26:33] Oh, wait, hold on.

[26:34] Yeah.

[26:37] So, yeah, I think, I mean, I haven't watched, is there a trailer out?

[26:43] I haven't watched the trailer for Coming to America.

[26:46] Coming to America is, I think, just about Eddie Murphy's son is now looking for a bride, I think is what it's about.

[26:53] It's not a Dark Side of the Sun kind of mercenaries in Africa overthrowing a kingdom action movie.

[26:57] I think it was maybe a son he didn't know about as well.

[27:00] I'm not sure about this, but I think that might be part of it.

[27:03] Very different from the porno version, Coming in America, which was not as big a success.

[27:10] It rarely is, right?

[27:13] Yeah, that's true. You know what? The porno is rarely as much a success or a bigger success than the original.

[27:19] I mean, I'd have to compare the numbers. I'd have to pull up a spreadsheet.

[27:22] I mean, I'd probably return on investment. They're pretty close. But if you're just going by percentages.

[27:28] That's true, because proportionally, the budgets are much smaller. And the advertising budgets, you have to assume, are much smaller.

[27:33] I almost never see a Subway advertisement for a porno.

[27:40] Almost never.

[27:41] But you see them at Subway, the restaurant, which is weird.

[27:44] But that's just an agreement they made.

[27:45] I feel like a lot of Subway advertisements have been, I don't know, like makeshift turned into porno advertisements.

[27:52] They hastily scrawled genitalia on everything.

[27:54] That's true.

[27:55] That's a fair point.

[27:56] But it's right.

[27:58] You never hear people say, like, did you know so-and-so, that famous porno, was actually based on a non-porn movie?

[28:04] It's just not a thing you hear.

[28:06] Maybe just in the circles I travel in, you know.

[28:09] Yeah, I mean, sometimes I see somebody mention it on Reddit, and I'm like, oh, cool, upvote.

[28:14] But, you know, who cares?

[28:16] So we're moving on to the next property.

[28:19] This is the next one I'm going to cannibalize the parks.

[28:21] Okay, so coming to America, we didn't really help you with.

[28:23] I apologize.

[28:23] We'll move on to the next one.

[28:24] It seems fully formed.

[28:25] Let's move along.

[28:26] Yeah, it sounds like it was perfect.

[28:27] The next one we're going to use is Cocoon.

[28:31] That's right.

[28:32] We are going to follow this story.

[28:34] Obviously, I'm going to continue the tradition.

[28:36] Oh, tradition.

[28:39] I'm going to continue the theme of, like, kind of modernizing it.

[28:44] And so we're going to follow the poor guy who had to clean the pools at the retirement community.

[28:49] That's right.

[28:50] He had to deal with all that pod gunk and all the old person jizz and whatever.

[28:55] And Steve Guttenberg jizz.

[28:58] Thank you, Stu.

[29:00] I mean, that part makes sense because there's that weird pool sex scene.

[29:04] Yes.

[29:05] Dan, you know, as soon as those old people were feeling young,

[29:08] They were just making the most out of it.

[29:09] In the pool?

[29:10] Yeah, it's right there.

[29:12] Okay.

[29:12] Yeah, and you're already in your trunks or whatever.

[29:16] I don't know.

[29:17] I guess if you found a fountain of youth pool, why not have sex in it?

[29:23] Yeah.

[29:24] So imagine this poor guy has managed to find one of those pod things,

[29:29] and he decides to use it and open up a little B&B with a little magical spring in it.

[29:34] Maybe he takes his daughter, daughter along, maybe a friend who's a chef.

[29:39] Okay.

[29:41] Maybe he's looking for love, but, you know, he never really finds it.

[29:45] So is this, wait, is this, has this just turned into Gilmore Girls?

[29:49] Then his daughter gets caught up in like a similar pod situation and the whole cycle just continues over and over.

[29:58] Yeah, I guess, I mean, I guess if you're going to, you know, if you're going to steal, you might as well steal from the best, right?

[30:05] Yeah, the best Cocoon and Gilmore Girls doesn't get any better.

[30:08] Two very pleasant entertainments.

[30:13] Okay, so, man, you guys have provided very few notes on these.

[30:22] You're really digging them.

[30:22] Isn't when the Library of Congress buried that time capsule for the year 10,000 that all they put in it was a DVD of Cocoon and a complete set of Gilmore Girls, and that was it?

[30:31] Guaranteed entertainment, I think, is what the sticker said.

[30:36] And a note that said, you're welcome, future.

[30:37] A canticle for Lorelei, it was.

[30:41] Okay, so another movie that I think that I watched a lot as a kid that I think would make a great TV show.

[30:52] uh i didn't know you were following the comedy rule of 18s okay go ahead yeah uh so

[31:01] uh of course i think the movie that would make a perfect tv show following this formula is goonies

[31:09] that's right we're gonna follow the fratellis they're out of prison they they team up with

[31:15] the rich jerks to try and take over the town maybe while they're searching around they find

[31:19] a second pirate ship maybe that ship is crewed by a bunch of ghost pirates okay maybe those ghost

[31:26] pirates are ghosts until they find the last piece of cursed gold now the fratellis are rocked by the

[31:33] existence of an afterlife and ghosts and shit so that raises the possibility that maybe they can

[31:39] bring mama fratelli back to life using magic so our heroes travel around the globe seeking

[31:45] forbidden knowledge and getting into sexy adventures the fratellis

[31:51] so i gave you a lot of i gave you a big meal right yeah really i know you want to take your

[32:01] time with it so they leave the goonies town pretty fairly early in the pilot it sounds like

[32:06] yeah you know i i do want to see more of their sort of uh gangster three stooges antics

[32:14] now yeah here's here's my pitch for season the season one arc it starts with them at the captains

[32:21] of this ghost pirate ship and then it's like you're probably wondering how we got into this

[32:25] the rest of the season is just them finding stuff and the last episode they finally find that ghost

[32:31] pirate ship they find captain barbosa yeah yeah it's like them you know figuring out what uh

[32:36] what their role is in the town now and like mourning their mother and then having to you

[32:42] know eventually they find clues to to what the pirate other pirate ship under the town in the

[32:47] caverns yeah fuck it we can have more pirate ships who cares yeah each pirate ship just has clues

[32:55] pirate ship yeah it would be silly if there was only two pirate ships yes you're right you're

[33:01] right you're right it would be unbelievable unbelievable unrealistic like one makes

[33:05] makes sense okay a single pirate ship that makes sense but two that's like no there's got to be

[33:10] way more yeah it's like it feels like a coincidence but if there's seven of them

[33:14] then it's like okay this is just a place where pirate ships go yeah you could be like you could

[33:18] do it sort of like a where in the world is carmen san diego of like trying to find these pirate

[33:23] ships and it'd be like it's like a game show well no they're like yes it's like a globetrotting

[33:29] adventure where it's like where's the next pirate ship we could be anywhere and like well no i think

[33:34] it's number one it's probably on the water so let's cut out everything that's not on the water

[33:39] um not i mean they they've the first pirate ship they found in a cave that wasn't it was on the

[33:45] water cave it's not like open water but there's water in the cave there was water in the cave

[33:50] that's true what was this does sloth go on adventure yeah no shit he's the star of the show

[33:55] okay he should be he's sloth yeah so is the show called sloth or is it called the fratellis

[34:01] i mean sloth and the fratellis well it's love and the fratellis makes the most i mean people

[34:07] we're gonna call it that anyway well it sounds like it's a sitcom about a about a wacky italian

[34:12] family you know it starts out uh being sloth and the fratellis the same way my parents called happy

[34:18] days fonzie how people used to call happy days just fonzie or people used to call alf alf and

[34:24] you're like oh the show's called no no alf is called alf that's that's people are called

[34:30] dinosaurs dinosaurs because it was filled with all those fucking dinosaurs they're just calling

[34:34] dinosaur is baby dinosaur and it's like it's easier if you just say the real name it's baby

[34:38] sinclair god damn it wow so i feel like i feel like the last possible thing we could talk about

[34:47] then uh from a movie from the 1980s of course is teen wolf right oh yeah yeah that is a hit

[34:55] movie from the 1980s an inexplicable hit movie from the 1980s and if you're interested in hearing

[35:01] us talk about teen wolf a hit movie from the 1980s well we got something nice for you up our

[35:08] sleeves dan uh well we're doing a live show uh online uh uh where we talk about teen wolf and

[35:17] we do some presentations and q a like we do in a a normal live show but we've also added a few new

[35:23] uh segments and wrinkles to the proceedings uh people love wrinkles surprises things that could

[35:29] go wrong yep that's what everyone loves uh and we're gonna do that on saturday the 6th of february

[35:39] that's nine eastern that'd be uh six pacific uh this is a ticketed event unlike the uh charitable

[35:47] ones we did before this is a ticketed event but it is a mere ten dollars to get that ticket where

[35:52] do you get it elliot well you just go to www.theflophouse.simpletix.com that's s-i-m-p-l-e-t-i-x

[36:02] www.theflophouse.simpletix.com it couldn't be easier go to that url and then buy a ticket for

[36:09] ten dollars that will give you access to the show live as well as access to a recording of the show

[36:15] which will be archived for one week so if you can't make it saturday february 6th 9 p.m eastern

[36:20] 6 p.m pacific like say you're some widow baby that's got to go to bed way away i'm so tired

[36:24] then just still buy that ticket and you can watch the show at your leisure after it is archived

[36:30] sounds exciting to me we're gonna have a lot of fun stuff and we're gonna talk about that's right

[36:34] teen wolf as mentioned before this is the movie that i think is one of the most requested ones

[36:39] for us to do live shows about and so i think people are going to be a little excited so excited

[36:44] that things might get a little hairy.

[36:47] Gross.

[36:48] So, dear listeners, my bags are packed.

[36:54] I have my sights set on Hollywood,

[36:57] but maybe you could help me.

[36:58] Not a great time to travel to L.A., Stu.

[37:00] Just want to warn you about that.

[37:01] You can help me stay here in Brooklyn

[37:07] and not abandon my life

[37:09] by supporting my little bars,

[37:13] My little bar, Hinterlands Bar, is selling merch, and Minnie's is selling merch.

[37:18] But if you're interested in getting some merch from Hinterlands, we have T-shirts, hoodies, bandanas.

[37:25] And all you have to do is email hinterlandsbarmerch at gmail.com.

[37:31] And we are now offering international shipping options.

[37:36] So if you are not from the United States and want to get your mitts on some of that stuff, you can email me.

[37:43] and for minis just go to minis um instagram page yeah go to the instagram page for minis bar

[37:51] uh thanks so much this has been the flop house i'm stewart wellington i'm dan mccoy i'm elliot

[37:59] caitlin see you saturday february 6th at 9 p.m eastern 6 p.m pacific for teen wolf www.theflophouse.simpletix.com

[38:07] and also see you wearing a hinterlands and or minis shirt buy them both wear them at the same

[38:11] time. I mean, one of them is going to be underneath the other, so you're not going to see it that

[38:15] clearly, but people will know that you're wearing it. I've been Elliot Kalin.

FH Mini 21 - Stuey Goes to Hollywood

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