FH Mini 136 - Doctors of Filmdom

[0:00] Hello flop friends if you're listening to this on the day of release flop TV starts tonight

[0:05] If you want to join us live, but you don't have to because you can also watch it on demand with tickets

[0:12] How do you get tickets? Oh, I'm glad you asked go to the flop house dot simple tics calm where you can pick up

[0:20] Individual show tickets or a season pass and now on with the show

[0:30] Hello

[0:31] Welcome to the flop house. That's this podcast

[0:34] but

[0:36] This episode it's not a regular episode of the podcast

[0:38] We're doing something a little special today and by special I mean lesser than our usual podcast

[0:44] This is a flop house mini

[0:46] My name is Elliot Kalin, and I am joined of course by my regular co-hosts on the flop house Dan McCoy Stuart Wellington

[0:53] We have this really to robot regular

[0:57] I thought that was him like reading his like name into his voicemail

[1:04] Yeah, yeah access your bank representative

[1:10] Complain to manager

[1:12] so

[1:13] On most episodes the flop house and by most I mean half of them

[1:16] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it

[1:18] But then there's the other half the other which is less but also the same amount which is called the flop house

[1:23] Mini and on a flop house mini we do whatever we want or more accurately sometimes

[1:28] Whatever we can throw together when it's a busy rough week for the person in charge of the mini

[1:33] I am the person in charge of this mini and so let's do some hastily thrown together stuff you the audience the listeners

[1:39] I love that Elliot just throws like a fucking mystery

[1:43] We were like, I wonder why Elliot had a rough week

[1:45] Was it was he disappointed by the recent episode of I don't know television show

[1:50] He also doesn't like the new season of Wednesday

[1:54] Lowering the bar to the floor. So when we step over it, they will applaud

[1:59] Wonderful. I thought it was gonna be just just you guys going

[2:02] For 40 minutes, but you were actually talking. I will say it Stewart. I was disappointed in I don't know what television show

[2:12] I'm I've not watched Wednesday. So I'm not familiar with it. Otherwise, that could be the the mini

[2:18] You know, I assume it's the story of

[2:21] Wednesday Adams having to finally spend time with her birth dad grizzly Adams out in the woods. Yes

[2:27] Actually say something about the premise of Wednesday, it's like now's the time

[2:35] Two minutes of my time to Dan to talk about the premise of Wednesday

[2:38] Yeah, I'm like the you know 10,000th person to say something about this, but since LA doesn't know anything about Wednesday

[2:45] It's new to him

[2:47] I spent like a half an hour complaining about Wednesday to Elliot over the phone

[2:56] Five minutes of me being like really I understand it's not for me. It's like a why a take that's exactly what you said

[3:02] Yeah, like the whole point of the Adams family is like they are the outliers

[3:07] Wednesday to a magical school full of magic monsters

[3:10] Yes, it sucks and the fact that the magical monsters are just called outcasts like that's your fucking first draft idea of a name

[3:18] Yeah, I haven't seen it. So I can't say I will say for me. There's only one outcast and that's Andre 3000 big boy, but

[3:25] two people

[3:29] Yeah, cuz they each get up because Andre 2000 gets on big boys shoulders

[3:33] And they put a trench coat over and they say oh one ticket for an outcast, please

[3:36] Mm-hmm. So, you know, is that accent from stankonia?

[3:44] So

[3:45] One ticket to Dracula's wedding, please

[3:47] So, okay, so I haven't seen Wednesday. That's not what we're talking about today

[3:51] If anyone wants to hire me to write for Wednesday, I didn't criticize it the way these other yeah, don't hire me

[3:55] Uh, I just rewrite the or hire us to fix it. Yeah. Yeah, they put the ire and hire

[4:01] Help us fix your hit show

[4:04] Everyone loves just reading a copy of yeah, just by putting in a copy of Adams family values and hitting play

[4:12] Great movie. I love Adams family values, but that's not what we're here to talk about

[4:16] That was a lot of Adams family and Wednesday talk for a mini that is not about that guys

[4:20] I wanted to talk about health care health care in America. We're all gonna be losing our health insurance at one point or another

[4:26] That's just the system that's been put in place at the moment

[4:28] But I want to talk about what kind of doctors can we count on we don't know what?

[4:32] Doctors wouldn't be seeing what if we end up seeing the doctors from different movies?

[4:37] And so today's an episode of a flop house

[4:39] I'm calling HMO health movie opportunities and I'm gonna be talking to you guys about a series of film doctors

[4:45] I want you to tell me

[4:47] What ailment you're gonna see these doctors for there's a certain one. I'm really looking forward to their appearance

[4:51] I don't know. Maybe they're on the list. Maybe they're not I've got a bunch of them here now for the purposes of this

[4:57] I have tried to limit it to doctors whose names appear in the titles of the movie. Not all of them

[5:03] Maybe there's a couple with it where it's not but there's just a there's just so many even more sure my doctor

[5:10] There's a lot of so that but there's a lot of doctors in movies and so I tell me what ailments are you going to this

[5:15] Doctor for what's their specialist special edition? Maybe that's the first one. I know guys if you're gonna see dr. Giggles

[5:20] What are you?

[5:22] Yes, my serious st. Vitus dance

[5:25] Condition. Yes. So what are you seeing? Dr. Giggles? I'm not sure. I don't remember. I'm not I don't think he was an accredited doctor

[5:32] I think he just thought he was

[5:35] doctor

[5:38] But yeah, I guess I would assume that he's a patch Adams style

[5:43] Laughter's the best medicine. Yeah, yeah

[5:46] This on the movie but rather on he's just seeing his name listed in the director

[5:53] Yeah, well, I mean I yeah, I would not even I mean if I see the movie I'm not going to see dr. Giggles at all

[6:02] Presenting a fiction where I'm just like, okay. I'm socked up. Dr

[6:04] Giggles comes up and I guess I would go to him for some sort of like, you know, pack leach II

[6:11] Rather scenario where I'm depressed and I assume that he can cheer me up

[6:16] But he's telling you you gotta go, you know, who's really the doctor giggles is pack leach II you got to see

[6:25] Yeah, sorry, that's okay. Um, so the I'm not Italian Elliot

[6:33] Italian he would be perfect. Yeah, I feel like that's a apron

[6:37] You should have Dan that says if I was Italian, I'd be perfect. I

[6:42] Don't know if Dan could handle the fiery Italian blood coursing through his veins

[6:46] No, I would certainly keep him up. He'd be an he'd need a even more powerful seat. I just have my grumpy Celtic blood

[6:54] Grumpy Celtic blood could be a metal band, right?

[6:58] That's basically the band primordial actually, yeah, so dr. Giggles Dan you're gonna go to him to help you lift your spirits

[7:06] Yeah, he's a fun doctor. Okay. What about dr. Fibes then? He's abominable, you know that from the title of the movie

[7:11] Yeah, you don't put that in his listing

[7:15] I mean if you're seeing his reviews, it says abominable

[7:19] specialties abominable

[7:21] Now the movie you mainly see him killing people in different revenge filled ways. What would you go to? Dr. Fibes for Stewart?

[7:29] What are you seeing? Dr. Fibes for I mean probably revenge

[7:33] So it's like revenge MD that's

[7:37] Yeah, it's like dirty work

[7:40] Hire him to do revenge for me. I'm trying to remember. Are you getting revenge on I'm curious about that, too

[7:45] Uh, I think we've already talked about the creators of Wednesday

[7:50] Okay, so dr. Fibes are going for revenge a Dan let's say you're in Russia something happens you gotta go see dr.

[7:58] Zhivago, what are you gonna see? Dr. Zhivago?

[8:00] Now he's an actual unlike dr. Giggles and the dr. Fibes in the movie

[8:05] He is a doctor before the movie of dr. Fibes starts, but by the time he's appearing I think he's no longer practicing

[8:10] Dr. Zhivago is a practicing doctor. So what are you gonna go see him for what I remember of the film?

[8:15] Like he's a he's a pretty warm guy like a likable guy. I mean it is a romance

[8:21] So you have to sympathize with them, right?

[8:25] Maybe you'll help fix your broken heart

[8:31] Left love doctor, I was just gonna make him my PCP, you know

[8:49] I mean there was a time I think when you probably could get that from a doctor feel good

[8:54] He's also dr. Robert I hear yeah, he is at dr. Robert is a less enticing name the dr. Feel-good

[9:08] Let me let me check it while you okay, I'll do that Stuart. Let me ask you about this next doctor. Dr. Strange

[9:13] Okay, what are you going to him for? He is a surgeon. That's not what he does most of the time now

[9:17] So what are you gonna like him for? I mean, I kind of just want to go get a check-up

[9:21] I mean, I kind of just want to go get surgery done cuz like he used to do it and it'd be like, you know

[9:28] It'd be like him coming back and playing the hits. I

[9:31] Wouldn't have him drive me around because that's what caused his whole hand situation. That's that's a good point

[9:41] 20 there's a listening for a TV series. Dr. Feel-good, but if you go to it, there's only one episode

[9:48] so I don't think that I don't think that got off the ground, but

[9:51] There is from 2011. There's a movie an hour and 21 minutes

[9:57] Thriller dr. Feel-good. So there you go. Okay

[10:00] And a music video for Motley Crue, Dr. Feelgood.

[10:02] Yeah.

[10:03] All right, that's fair.

[10:04] Okay, so Stuart, you're going to Dr. Strange.

[10:08] I would not advise going to him for a spell

[10:09] that would erase people's knowledge of your memory,

[10:12] but if you do, don't interrupt him.

[10:14] Don't interrupt him.

[10:15] Don't be an idiot and just babble on like a fucking moron,

[10:18] like a clumsy goof.

[10:19] Or show him the movie Babylon while he's doing it.

[10:22] Don't show him the movie Babylon at all, it's terrible.

[10:25] No.

[10:25] Actually, I know what I'd do.

[10:27] Dr. Strange, I would go to him for that materialist

[10:31] calf lengthening, shin lengthening surgery.

[10:33] Oh, yeah.

[10:34] He'd do that with magic.

[10:35] I want to be tall, yeah.

[10:36] He'd be like, by the eye of Agamotto, make his calf longo.

[10:40] And it would, yeah, it would happen.

[10:43] Dan, I have a question for you then.

[10:45] Maybe this should have been for Stuart.

[10:46] What if you went to Dr. Mordred,

[10:48] which was a hastily renamed Dr. Strange movie

[10:51] starring Jeffrey Combs?

[10:52] It was supposed to be a Dr. Strange movie.

[10:54] They lost the license and they renamed the character,

[10:57] but it's Stuart favorite, Jeffrey Combs,

[10:58] playing Dr. Mordred.

[10:59] What do you think of him?

[11:00] Probably if I needed to be reanimated in some way,

[11:03] I would go to that doctor.

[11:06] He knows about those.

[11:06] Strange that with his doctor training,

[11:08] he didn't try to help Giorgio get a prosthetic penis

[11:11] to replace the one that was ripped off at some point.

[11:13] He didn't get a chance.

[11:14] Giorgio was so worked up.

[11:16] That's true.

[11:16] Worked up how?

[11:17] I mean, did you see the movie?

[11:19] It's just a crazy story.

[11:21] Sure.

[11:22] I guess that covers a lot.

[11:24] It's a shade, you know, but.

[11:27] That's doing a lot of work, that worked up.

[11:31] There's a guy who's been chained in a basement for decades

[11:34] and he gets loose and he's killing people

[11:35] and Stuart's like, yeah, he's pretty worked up.

[11:37] Oh man, somebody put a nickel in him.

[11:40] He's hyper.

[11:41] He's just a little hyper.

[11:42] Yeah, he's got the zoomies.

[11:45] Somebody needs a nap.

[11:46] Somebody needs a lie down.

[11:48] Stuart, what about Dr. Strangelove?

[11:50] What are you going to Dr. Strangelove for help with?

[11:54] I don't know, like bomb stuff.

[11:56] I guess so, that's pretty literal.

[11:58] So what's that?

[11:59] Like if you got blown up by a bomb.

[12:01] Oh, okay, so Strangelove,

[12:04] probably to remove the things I stuck up my butt

[12:07] that won't come out.

[12:08] Yeah, I mean, I would not know if we would call that.

[12:10] That is love of a sword.

[12:11] I don't know if it has to be strange, but yeah, sure.

[12:14] So he's a proctologist is what you're saying.

[12:14] I mean, if it's a thing that can't come out anymore

[12:16] because I chose the wrong item, I guess.

[12:19] I guess that makes sense.

[12:20] And he does have a robot hand.

[12:21] So that's exactly what you would want

[12:23] for extracting something from your rectum, yeah.

[12:26] Dan, what about you?

[12:27] Same thing for Dr. Strangelove?

[12:28] Yeah, yeah, and to quote our friends over

[12:32] at Jordan Jessie Go, without a base, without a trace.

[12:35] So be safe out there, everyone.

[12:38] Yeah, yeah.

[12:39] There's no end to it.

[12:40] Yeah, you could just, there's no stopping.

[12:42] There's no thing in your butt

[12:43] that naturally stops something from going too far.

[12:45] Yeah, you can just keep going.

[12:47] You can just keep going and it comes out of your mouth.

[12:50] Yeah, mm-hmm.

[12:52] In that case, you don't need to see the doctor.

[12:52] You already removed it yourself.

[12:53] Yeah, but in the most circuitous, painful way.

[12:57] Yeah, oh, we've got a new entry into the list.

[12:59] Dr. Feelgood, the Motley Crue video.

[13:01] Who are you going to this doctor for?

[13:03] Well, I think pretty much anything.

[13:05] He advertises that it'll make me feel good.

[13:08] He'll make me feel all right as well.

[13:10] Okay, I mean, all right feels like not as good as good.

[13:13] Get some scripts.

[13:13] Calm down from feeling good.

[13:15] Yeah, get some scripts filled.

[13:16] Okay.

[13:17] I think he also makes you feel out of sight, though.

[13:19] So I think.

[13:21] Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[13:23] Yeah, I mean, out of sight's a great movie.

[13:26] It makes you feel like the character's not of sight.

[13:27] Super suave, super sexy.

[13:29] They always know what to say.

[13:31] Even when something doesn't go their way,

[13:32] they're able to pivot and kind of deal with it.

[13:34] They can fall in love in the middle

[13:37] of like a high tension situation.

[13:40] A lot of people have hard trouble falling in love

[13:42] when they're locked inside a trunk

[13:43] that criminals are driving around the car of.

[13:45] Yeah, they can do it.

[13:46] But he's going to be your Frankenstein.

[13:48] That's something that Dr. Feelgood will do.

[13:50] He's a lyrics genius on the case here.

[13:54] So while he's looking at that,

[13:56] Stuart, what about Dr. No?

[13:57] What are you going to see Dr. No for?

[13:59] Yes.

[14:03] Now, the thing about Dr. No is it's also inconvenient.

[14:05] You have to go to his base,

[14:06] which I believe is a volcano island.

[14:09] And without that, without a trace.

[14:11] Yeah.

[14:13] I would say.

[14:14] Thanks, Dan.

[14:15] I would say.

[14:17] Those volcanoes are just the Earth's rectum.

[14:18] Don't shove things in there.

[14:19] They'll go right down to the center of the Earth, yeah.

[14:21] I would go to him for some James Bond removal.

[14:24] Okay, that's a good.

[14:25] I mean, he fails to do that,

[14:26] but you know, he's got experience.

[14:27] Yeah, but he's due.

[14:28] He's like the Washington General, so I see.

[14:32] I mean, he's committed to the job for sure.

[14:33] I'm glad Stuart wants to pick up our theme

[14:35] from the last episode of Referring to Comedy Shows

[14:37] that we watched.

[14:38] Okay, how about Dan?

[14:39] Maybe this is more up your alley.

[14:40] Dr. Doolittle.

[14:41] Now, his name says he doesn't do much.

[14:43] Which one?

[14:44] Well, that's a good question.

[14:45] Which one would you like it to be?

[14:48] I think I would go to.

[14:49] Because you've got at least three choices.

[14:50] Rex Harrison, famous asshole.

[14:53] Eddie Murphy, who's not, doesn't,

[14:55] I mean, he's more of a real doctor in it.

[14:58] And for Robert Downey Jr., who in that movie,

[15:01] it's very hard to understand what he's saying

[15:02] at any given point.

[15:03] Yeah, well, I was gonna go Rex

[15:06] until he said he's a famous asshole.

[15:08] A very difficult person,

[15:09] very difficult person to be around.

[15:10] I guess I would go to Eddie Murphy then.

[15:13] I hate to break it to you, Dan.

[15:14] I mean, come on, he's a huge star.

[15:14] Eddie Murphy's not a real doctor.

[15:16] He just played a doctor in the movie, Dr. Doolittle.

[15:17] Whoa.

[15:19] I feel like this was entrapment.

[15:21] It was.

[15:22] No, that's a different movie.

[15:23] That's a different movie.

[15:24] That's the movie where the captain

[15:26] of the state of Jones' butt has to fight lasers.

[15:30] We've talked about it.

[15:31] What a more innocent time in American culture

[15:33] when you could have a movie become a hit

[15:35] just based off of a shot of someone's butt

[15:38] in a pair of pants sliding under a laser.

[15:40] And they sold that movie so hard on that one shot.

[15:42] America's like, I gotta see that.

[15:44] Gotta see that.

[15:45] I think a lot of people thought that that was,

[15:47] you see it multiple times.

[15:48] No, just the one time, just the one time.

[15:51] Yeah, they gave it away in the trailer, honestly.

[15:53] Yeah, but that's what gets you in the door.

[15:56] So Dr. Doolittle with Eddie Murphy,

[15:58] even though he would probably be distracted

[15:59] by these animals talking to him,

[16:00] which I think is what happens in the movie.

[16:02] I mean, he is a, wait.

[16:04] Is he a veterinarian?

[16:06] I don't remember about the Eddie Murphy, Dr. Doolittle.

[16:09] I mean, in the original, yes, he's for sure a vet.

[16:12] I thought he was an obstetrician

[16:14] in the middle of delivering a baby,

[16:15] a dog or a bird or something just started talking to him.

[16:17] Yeah, so I would definitely go for like animal problems.

[16:21] Like this is the most useful doctor of all of them.

[16:23] I mean, if you were a manimal,

[16:24] it's the only doctor you really should see, yeah.

[16:26] Because he understands both.

[16:28] If he can actually talk to the animals,

[16:30] walk with the animals, I mean, come on.

[16:32] Here's the thing, walking with the animals,

[16:34] not that difficult, less impressive.

[16:37] Most people can do that.

[16:38] The talking with the animals, that's the hard part, yeah.

[16:41] Yeah.

[16:43] So Stuart, how about for you, Dr. Parnassus

[16:46] from the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus,

[16:48] a movie I saw and remember almost nothing about.

[16:50] Yeah, I've never seen it.

[16:51] Except that Andrew Garfield's great in it.

[16:53] Yeah, I'm gonna say,

[16:56] I'm having trouble with my dreams.

[16:59] Okay, okay.

[17:00] Is that what the movie's about?

[17:02] Probably.

[17:03] Is that the game we're playing

[17:05] is guess what the movie's about?

[17:06] No, no.

[17:08] What medical problem would you use an Imaginarium for?

[17:13] It's a good question, yeah.

[17:15] Yeah, I guess if you had some sort of psychosomatic disease.

[17:19] Okay, that makes sense.

[17:20] You'd need an Imaginarium.

[17:21] Muscular pain.

[17:22] Now, here's not a doctor,

[17:24] but what if you needed a Wonder Emporium?

[17:25] Would you go to Mr. Magorium?

[17:27] Oh, he's one of the top people for that.

[17:31] No way, everyone goes there.

[17:33] I think it's overrated.

[17:35] In a Los Angeles magazine,

[17:37] when they listed LA's top Wonder Emporium purveyors,

[17:40] Mr. Magorium was pretty high up there.

[17:43] So, what about, we're gonna break for an ad

[17:46] after just a couple more,

[17:47] then we'll talk about a few more doctors.

[17:48] But before we do that, I've got a couple more doctors.

[17:50] Dan, who are you seeing Dr. Caligari about?

[17:52] What are you seeing that about?

[17:53] You got a problem?

[17:54] Dr. Caligari is the only one who can deal with it.

[17:56] What's your ailment?

[17:57] I need a cabinet built.

[17:59] That's what I was gonna say.

[18:01] So, you think the movie is about him building a cabinet.

[18:03] I can only assume.

[18:06] So, you're at Ikea.

[18:07] None of these, you're like, I want something sturdy.

[18:09] I want something that's gonna last.

[18:10] I'll get a custom made cabinet.

[18:12] He's a somnambulist.

[18:15] He like, hypnotizes.

[18:16] He has a somnambulist.

[18:17] The somnambulist is the sleepwalker.

[18:19] He's probably the somnambulizer.

[18:20] So, some sort of sleep dysfunction.

[18:22] I mean, I have sleep apnea.

[18:24] Dr. Caligari could be really useful for you, Dan.

[18:25] The only issue is,

[18:26] you get the greatest night of sleep of your life.

[18:28] You wake up so relaxed,

[18:30] but in the middle of the night,

[18:31] you do murder people while you're sleeping.

[18:33] So, is that a trade-off you're willing to make?

[18:35] So, wait, he's not making cabinets?

[18:38] No, he's not making cabinets.

[18:39] Are you saying that Captain Corelli

[18:41] is not making mandolins?

[18:43] I haven't seen it, so maybe he is.

[18:44] I don't know.

[18:45] And also, where did Guillermo del Toro

[18:46] get his cabinet of curiosities?

[18:49] That's, these are good questions, Elliot.

[18:50] You think, yeah, Dr. Caligari may have built that.

[18:52] That's true, yeah.

[18:53] Good point.

[18:54] So, let's leave that question to the philosophers,

[18:57] whether Dr. Caligari builds cabinets.

[18:59] Two more.

[19:00] Stuart, what about Dr. T?

[19:01] From the movie, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T,

[19:04] the only original script that I believe Dr. Seuss wrote

[19:06] was produced as a feature film.

[19:08] Okay, so I've never seen this movie,

[19:10] so I'm just gonna have to base it

[19:11] on what little information you're throwing at me.

[19:13] Okay.

[19:14] But I would say tummy problems.

[19:18] Okay, I mean, it's called The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T,

[19:22] but you think his tummy is what he specializes in?

[19:25] Well, that's what I need help with.

[19:27] My tummy hurts.

[19:28] And the T could stand for tummy, that's true.

[19:30] Or maybe it's Dr. Tumness, and he lives in Narnia.

[19:33] If I have a rumble in my grumma grim grumble,

[19:35] that's what I'll go to him for, I think.

[19:38] Yeah, that's one of the main things he uses.

[19:41] And now, Dan, what about Dr. T

[19:43] from Dr. T and the Women?

[19:44] That's a different Dr. T, I assume.

[19:46] Dr. T is a gynecologist,

[19:48] so I probably won't be going to that doctor.

[19:50] I mean, that's a job you could use 5,000 Fingers for.

[19:53] Oh, God.

[19:54] I'll refer people.

[19:55] Oh, yeah, that one's cooking.

[19:58] So, Dan, you're not gonna avail.

[20:00] Dr. T of his knowledge of the human body.

[20:02] I mean, I guess if I needed gynecological advice

[20:06] like secondhand, I could talk to Dr. T.

[20:09] That makes sense.

[20:11] I'm gonna take a brief moment from this nonsense

[20:12] to tell you about some real sense.

[20:14] That's right.

[20:15] Some real things that the Flophouse has going on.

[20:17] We've got some really exciting stuff

[20:18] that we want you to join us for.

[20:21] Flop TV is back.

[20:23] That's right.

[20:23] Flop TV, baby.

[20:24] The online TV version of the Flophouse live broadcasts

[20:28] once a month on the first Saturday of every month

[20:30] from September through February.

[20:32] It's season three of Flop TV.

[20:34] Can you believe it?

[20:35] We're on season three already,

[20:36] and we just have all these serialized stories

[20:38] and all these twists and turns,

[20:40] all these things that you're gonna wanna watch.

[20:41] I'm just kidding.

[20:42] We don't do that at all.

[20:43] Instead, it's like a one-hour version of the Flophouse.

[20:45] New presentations, new video segments.

[20:47] We take questions from the audience,

[20:48] and most importantly, we talk about a bad movie.

[20:50] Bad movies we've never talked about on the show before.

[20:53] In September, it's gonna be

[20:54] The Adventures of Pluto Nash.

[20:55] In October, it's gonna be Jack Frost,

[20:57] the Michael Keaton version.

[20:59] And what comes after October?

[21:00] November?

[21:01] In November, it's Xanadu.

[21:02] In December, it's Zardoz.

[21:05] In January, it's Dr. Dolittle,

[21:07] the Rex Harrison version, famous asshole.

[21:09] And in February, it is Plan 9 from outer space.

[21:12] That's right, we're going back in time

[21:14] through the episodes to talk about some flops

[21:16] we've never had the opportunity to talk about before.

[21:18] Guys, are you as excited as I am about Flop TV season three?

[21:22] Yeah, man, I just sent over my first special report

[21:26] to our tech guru, Matt Carman,

[21:30] who wrote back, very weird, good job.

[21:33] So, look forward to that.

[21:35] And I was practicing my presentation on my wife yesterday,

[21:38] and she said, it's a little long, but very funny,

[21:40] so I'm gonna cut it down,

[21:41] and hopefully just keep the funny parts.

[21:42] Go to theflophouse.simpletics.com for tickets.

[21:45] Again, that's theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[21:48] Buy individual episodes, or you can buy the season pass.

[21:51] It's a six-show bundle.

[21:52] Six episodes for the price of five,

[21:54] that's like one free show.

[21:56] That's what I would do if I were you.

[21:57] Go to theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[22:00] If you can't make it to the live broadcast of the show,

[22:03] then that's okay.

[22:04] Your ticket gets you access to the recordings of the show

[22:06] through the end of February.

[22:07] You can watch the episodes as many times as you want,

[22:10] in whatever order you want,

[22:12] at whatever playback speed you want.

[22:14] Doesn't matter to me.

[22:15] Wow. Yeah.

[22:16] Watch at double speed, watch at half speed.

[22:18] Yeah, that's theflophouse.simpletics.com

[22:22] for Flop TV season three.

[22:22] Yeah, if you watch it fast enough,

[22:24] it'll be like one of those time-lapse videos

[22:26] where you can watch our facial hair grow

[22:29] and our fingernails get super long.

[22:31] Yeah, yeah, in one hour, yeah.

[22:33] I'm Emily Fleming.

[22:38] I'm Jordan Morris.

[22:39] And I'm Matt Lieb.

[22:40] We are real comedy writers.

[22:41] Real friends.

[22:42] And real cheapskates.

[22:44] On every episode of our podcast, Free With Ads,

[22:46] we ask, why pay for expensive streaming services

[22:49] when you can get free movies from apps with weird names?

[22:53] Each week, we review the freest movies

[22:55] the internet has to offer.

[22:57] Classics like Pride and Prejudice.

[22:59] Cult classics like Point Break.

[23:00] And holy, what did I just watch?

[23:03] Classics like Teen Witch.

[23:05] Tune in every week as we take a deep dive

[23:08] into the internet's bargain bin.

[23:09] Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org

[23:11] or your favorite pod place.

[23:14] As you may have seen, our Chicago show is sold out.

[23:18] So we added a late show where we'll be discussing

[23:22] a second film starring America's runner-up favorite

[23:26] Belushi, Jim.

[23:28] That show is at Sleeping Village on Sunday,

[23:30] November 16 at 9.30 p.m.

[23:34] I said nine last time.

[23:36] In any case, we're gonna be talking about

[23:38] the late show.

[23:39] 9.30 p.m.

[23:41] I said nine last time.

[23:43] In error, and I think it was listed wrong

[23:45] at least one other place, but it is 9.30.

[23:49] So go to sleeping-village.com for tickets to that

[23:54] on November 16.

[23:57] Guys, let's talk about some more doctors, huh?

[24:00] Yeah, why not?

[24:00] Okay, let's talk about some.

[24:02] Let's check into the doctor.

[24:04] Go see the doctor by Cool Moody.

[24:05] Let's talk about doctors, baby.

[24:07] Let's talk about doctors, baby.

[24:09] Getting back to some more movie doctors,

[24:10] what about Dr. Moreau, the Marlon Brando version?

[24:14] What are you asking Dr. Moreau's help with?

[24:18] Well, obviously he's talented in the arts of mutants.

[24:25] Yeah.

[24:26] I'd ask him about this pig nose

[24:27] that I have growing on my nose.

[24:29] He'd be able to help you with that,

[24:30] but he might be hard to get clear information out of.

[24:33] Could I get a little version of me to follow me around?

[24:37] You are in luck.

[24:38] He specializes in that.

[24:39] He's the only specialist for that.

[24:41] So that's Dr. Moreau.

[24:42] He's the MD.

[24:43] That stands for mutant doctor.

[24:45] That's what he does best.

[24:48] Here's an interesting-

[24:48] Dr. Marguerite Moreau.

[24:50] Sorry, that's just the name of an actress.

[24:52] Oh, okay.

[24:53] It's not even, it's nothing.

[24:55] I was about to be like, is that his actual name?

[24:57] Yeah, thrilled to know.

[24:58] So we don't know his first name.

[24:59] It could be Marguerite, I don't know.

[25:01] I'm just gonna call him Marlon,

[25:02] because it's Marlon Brando.

[25:04] Here's, okay, what about Dr. Detroit?

[25:05] What do you see in this doctor form?

[25:07] Knew this one was coming.

[25:08] And Dan, before you say it, don't say prostitutes.

[25:12] That is his main business.

[25:14] Well, not his main business.

[25:15] His main business is being a professor.

[25:18] But he does have a thriving sideline

[25:21] as the protector of a bunch of sex workers in the,

[25:26] is it in Detroit?

[25:28] No, he's from Detroit.

[25:29] He's in Chicago.

[25:30] Yeah.

[25:31] Okay.

[25:31] That's where we're gonna be.

[25:32] Do you think we're gonna run into him?

[25:33] Probably.

[25:34] It's my understanding that he's a local character.

[25:37] You just see Dr. Detroit wandering around.

[25:39] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[25:39] He's like Emperor Norton.

[25:41] Yeah, he's the naked cowboy of Chicago.

[25:44] Yeah.

[25:46] I would say I would go with style ideas.

[25:52] Okay.

[25:53] So he's like a doctor of fashion.

[25:55] I see, that's what we're gonna do.

[25:57] Yeah, I'd go to doctor up my wardrobe.

[25:59] Can I get a robot arm, like your robot arm that you have?

[26:02] I want one of those.

[26:04] Dr. Detroit has a robot arm?

[26:06] It's a weird God damn movie.

[26:10] Like I finally watched it in full like maybe a year ago

[26:14] because I remembered it from like-

[26:15] Because your parents came over and you wanted one.

[26:16] Yeah, guys, you'll love this.

[26:20] It is like unfiltered.

[26:21] Like whenever Dan Aykroyd like,

[26:22] I think didn't have anything else to filter his ideas,

[26:27] something very weird and not that funny would result.

[26:30] But kind of fascinating.

[26:32] I mean, I love Dan Aykroyd.

[26:33] I just think he needs collaborators.

[26:35] Or is obsessed with collaborating.

[26:37] So Dr. Strangelove and Dr. Detroit

[26:39] have more in common than I thought.

[26:40] They both kind of robot hands, right?

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:42] The one thing I did feel about that movie though

[26:44] is like it's just more proof that like

[26:46] even not that good movies from the past

[26:49] look so beautiful compared to current movies.

[26:52] Like it is shot beautifully

[26:54] for what a weird piece of nonsense it is.

[26:58] Makes sense.

[26:59] Well, the cinematographer was El Greco.

[27:01] Yeah, yeah.

[27:02] So that's why.

[27:03] I'm beautiful, but the figures are all elongated.

[27:05] Okay, that's Dr. Detroit.

[27:06] What about another doctor named after a location?

[27:08] Doc Hollywood.

[27:09] What are you going to Doc Hollywood for?

[27:11] Plastic surgery.

[27:12] I mean, he's a plastic surgeon.

[27:13] That's what he does, yeah.

[27:14] Yeah, I wouldn't go to him being like,

[27:16] I don't know, I've got an ulcer

[27:18] because I know that's not his specialty.

[27:18] I mean, he's still a doctor, but he's still a doctor.

[27:20] He had to go to medical school, right?

[27:22] Does he get a lot of plastic surgery jobs

[27:24] in the small town he crashes his car and gets stuck in?

[27:27] I mean, he does have to pivot to sort of general practice.

[27:31] I mean, but that's why that town is now known

[27:33] as the most beautiful town in America.

[27:35] Everyone, they go in for an ulcer

[27:37] and then he puts them under and when they come out,

[27:39] they've got bigger boobs or their crow's feet are gone.

[27:43] Guys, I had to look up who the cinematographer

[27:45] for Dr. Detroit is and it's someone.

[27:47] It's Conrad Hall.

[27:48] Someone whose name is King Baggett.

[27:51] King Baggett.

[27:53] That's a good name.

[27:54] Like maggot, but with a B.

[27:56] Yeah, and I got it, yeah.

[27:58] Also the director of cinematography for the movie Gotcha.

[28:03] Oh God, you devil.

[28:04] Revenge of the Nerds, the last starfighter.

[28:06] Oh, okay.

[28:07] He was working steadily in the 1980s.

[28:09] Some kind of hero, anyway.

[28:11] So there you go, King Baggett.

[28:13] Well, if he's listening, where are you now, King?

[28:16] Dan, enjoyed your work on Dr. Detroit.

[28:18] Here's a different kind of doctor,

[28:20] although he's similar to someone we talked about.

[28:21] What about Dr. Mabuza, who again,

[28:23] from the Fritz Lang films, the same name.

[28:25] He is a gambler.

[28:26] He is an eavesdropper.

[28:29] He's a brainwasher.

[28:30] What do you go to Dr. Mabuza for?

[28:33] Sort of if I need like sort of a Napoleon of crime.

[28:37] Is that often?

[28:38] Do you often find yourself in that situation?

[28:40] Well, I know, but I feel like it's the sort of thing

[28:43] that if you need it, you want it to be there, you know?

[28:46] You're at your primary care physician's like,

[28:48] oh, for this, I'm gonna write you a referral,

[28:49] but it's just so you know,

[28:52] he's a little bit of a Napoleon of crime.

[28:53] Yeah, I'd probably go for some of that like

[28:56] spotless mind type treatment so that I forget stuff.

[29:00] Oh yeah, that's a good idea.

[29:01] Yeah, yeah, I mean, he'll have access to all your secrets

[29:03] is the only thing.

[29:04] That's fine.

[29:04] Okay, he's definitely gonna use this to blackmail you.

[29:07] Definitely.

[29:08] Yeah, I mean, I feel like tech companies

[29:09] are already doing that anyway.

[29:10] That's true, yeah, that's a good point.

[29:12] Okay, what about Dr. Mabuza?

[29:14] I'd rather support my local eavesdropper

[29:16] than some kind of World Saibatsu eavesdropper.

[29:20] That's fair, yeah, the mom and pop eavesdropper.

[29:23] Mom and pop surveillance state.

[29:24] We're now firmly into the mad doctor section

[29:28] because here's Dr. X.

[29:30] I don't know if you guys have seen that movie.

[29:32] Involves someone who kills people

[29:33] after slathering himself in artificial flesh.

[29:37] Oh, Dr. X is also the villain

[29:40] of the Queensryche record Operation Mindcrime.

[29:43] Okay.

[29:44] Operation Mindcrime part two

[29:45] is voiced by the late great Ronnie James Dio.

[29:48] I don't think they're the same person.

[29:50] I guess if I had severe burns or something,

[29:53] I'd like, if he's an expert with this artificial flesh,

[29:57] that would be good.

[29:58] Yeah, what about if he just had George Burns?

[30:00] Some artificial flesh would be good, just, you know, melt some of those years off of

[30:09] old George.

[30:10] That's fair.

[30:11] And, yeah, Stu, let's just say you're not hurt, but you just happen to get a bunch of

[30:16] artificial flesh from Dr. X.

[30:18] What are you going to do with it?

[30:19] Yeah, I don't know.

[30:20] I guess he calls it synthetic flesh.

[30:22] Burgers.

[30:23] I mean, burgers is an obvious one, Dan.

[30:26] Come on.

[30:27] I'm trying to think outside the bun.

[30:29] So I would say I would probably, you know, like set up a series of really hilarious pranks

[30:35] involving all this synthetic flesh.

[30:39] Yeah, just like a slip on a nose, just on the floor.

[30:46] What about, OK, next, what about Dr. Terror from the film Dr. Terror's House of Horrors?

[30:51] Now, I will mention you will have to go to a house of horrors to see Dr. Terror.

[30:57] What are you going to go to Dr. Terror for?

[30:59] Is that his given name or is that like is that his actual last name or did he earn that

[31:04] one?

[31:05] In the movie, it's not his actual last name, but let's say his name is Dr. Edward Terror.

[31:10] Do they use that actual title in SCTV or is it like some play on that?

[31:15] Like I remember that being in part of, you know, the Joe Flaherty character, the Count

[31:22] Floyd.

[31:23] That's what I'm thinking of.

[31:24] I don't remember.

[31:25] OK.

[31:26] So Dr. Terror, I would probably go for, you know, I'm scared of a lot of stuff.

[31:31] So why not stuff to just calm me down?

[31:33] You know, scripts for some like anti-anxiety meds.

[31:38] Thank you.

[31:39] All right.

[31:40] So I'll tell you, I've been finding those very helpful this year, anti-anxiety medicine.

[31:47] I mean, I feel like if he's an expert at causing terror, he probably also knows how to calm

[31:52] it down.

[31:53] You're right.

[31:54] You're right.

[31:56] You know what the opposite of terror is, which is what you think, like kind of low level

[31:59] gummies or something like that.

[32:00] Yeah, that's the opposite of terror.

[32:03] OK, so you'll go there for anxiety.

[32:06] What about Dr. Cyclops?

[32:08] This is another kind of mad scientist character.

[32:11] He shrinks people down.

[32:12] Probably eye test.

[32:13] I was going to say the opposite.

[32:15] I don't want to go to them for like an eye thing, like clearly something went wrong at

[32:19] some point.

[32:20] But he probably spends so much time thinking about eyeballs.

[32:24] So there's the old story.

[32:27] So there's the old riddle.

[32:28] You go to a town, you need a haircut for something.

[32:31] There's two barbers in the town.

[32:32] One of the barbers has a great haircut.

[32:34] The other has a real messy haircut.

[32:35] Which barber do you go to?

[32:36] Yeah, you go to the one with the messy haircut because he gets his haircut at the great barbers.

[32:40] Well, he cuts.

[32:41] Yeah, because he is the great barber and he cuts the other guy's hair.

[32:44] I was going to say the opposite.

[32:45] Oh boy.

[32:46] I have definitely not gotten my haircut from a guy because he was wearing a baseball cap

[32:50] before.

[32:52] Like this doesn't bode well for me.

[32:54] He's trying to hide his hair and he wants to run his hands through mine.

[32:56] I don't think so.

[32:57] So with Dr. Cyclops, is it the same thing?

[32:59] You go to the guy with bad eyesight to get your glasses or the other way around?

[33:03] Well, are they Ruby Quartz glasses?

[33:07] That's a different Cyclops.

[33:08] This is the Cyclops who shoots people.

[33:10] We go to them for a monocle for sure.

[33:13] Okay.

[33:14] Okay.

[33:15] Fair point.

[33:16] All right.

[33:17] So for your monocle based ophthalmology.

[33:18] Have you considered switching from glasses to a monocle?

[33:19] Uh, I don't know.

[33:22] I feel like I've gotten past the point in my life when like affectations or something

[33:26] that attracts me.

[33:27] Let me just tell you, you are wrong.

[33:29] Why?

[33:31] Because I think you are on the verge of the most affectation based era in your life yet.

[33:35] You're about to get there.

[33:36] I think you're a couple of years away from going from being a young affectation guy to

[33:40] being just a regular guy to being an old dandy who needs to really, who's not afraid to set

[33:46] his style to extreme.

[33:48] Uh, I think that it will come in age.

[33:52] I, I, you know, I wore, uh, we went to Governor's Island recently and I wore my Panama hat cause

[33:57] I'm like, I'm, I'm getting to an age where like I, I'm all, I'm almost there where it

[34:04] just looks normal to wear a hat, you know, cause I feel like it looks normal on old people

[34:08] and it doesn't look normal on any young guys.

[34:11] Especially big floppy hats that make more sense on old men than on young men.

[34:14] But Dan, I think you're almost there.

[34:15] I see you as becoming like an Edward Gorey type figure.

[34:17] Just kind of like, if only, I think you could do it.

[34:22] That fucking swagger.

[34:24] We see that.

[34:25] Have you seen what Edward Gorey looked like?

[34:27] No, no, no.

[34:28] I think you could pull it off, Dan.

[34:30] It takes work.

[34:31] It takes work and you got to push past the haters and be, and persist.

[34:34] I think you can do it.

[34:35] So that's what you're going to, but we already talked about.

[34:37] Holy shit.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] And we were talking about you.

[34:40] He's fucking dripped out here.

[34:41] This is crazy.

[34:42] When you go to Dr. Detroit for your clothing advice, he's going to tell you this.

[34:45] Yeah.

[34:46] This is amazing.

[34:47] He's like, uh, who's the, uh, the heavy metal artist guy?

[34:50] Um, uh, damn it.

[34:52] The fantasy artist, uh, Frazetta.

[34:54] Yeah.

[34:55] Frazetta.

[34:56] That's another one.

[34:57] Yeah.

[34:58] Frazetta looked incredible.

[34:59] Oh, I don't know what that guy looks like.

[35:00] Yeah.

[35:01] He looks amazing.

[35:02] This is another episode of Dan and Stuart look up pictures of guys.

[35:04] Look up pictures of guys.

[35:07] While you're dealing with that, what about Dr. Sadism from the movie The Torture Chamber

[35:12] of Dr. Sadism?

[35:13] Now, this is actually an adaptation of the pit and the pendulum.

[35:15] It's also known as the blood demon, uh, and like Dr. Terror, this is also a Christopher

[35:19] Lee movie.

[35:20] Uh, okay.

[35:21] Cool.

[35:22] So what are you going to Dr. Sadism for Stuart?

[35:25] Oh, uh, well, um, he obviously, I don't know, like, I feel like maybe a tattoo or something,

[35:33] something where he doesn't mind causing or like no physical therapy, something where

[35:36] he doesn't mind causing like pain to me.

[35:38] You need him to be a little tough on you.

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:40] He needs to be a little rough.

[35:41] He needs to really get in there and start cracking my bones.

[35:46] Uh, what about the mad doctor of blood Island?

[35:48] That's another, another movie doctor.

[35:50] What are you seeing the mad doctor of blood Island for?

[35:53] Probably something blood disease related, right?

[35:56] No, he just goes, he just is on blood Island.

[35:58] I don't know if that's his specialty.

[35:59] Okay.

[36:00] So yeah, the Island title was named, it was named for something else.

[36:04] There was a massacre there or something.

[36:06] I mean like if you go to someone, if you go to a doctor on Christmas Island, it's not

[36:08] like he only treats Christmas related issues.

[36:10] No.

[36:12] No.

[36:13] I'm acting foolish.

[36:14] What would, what would suggest such silliness to me?

[36:19] Okay.

[36:20] Well let's, let's, let's move past that then.

[36:22] And uh, the, let's go to, we only got uh, two left.

[36:26] 82 left.

[36:27] We only got 82 doctors left.

[36:28] The next one, uh, Mulholland drive, but when it's written sometimes it's just dr for drive.

[36:33] So it looks like doctor.

[36:34] So if we can go to Mulholland doctor for, uh, well, I got this real problem with a weird

[36:40] witch living behind my diner.

[36:41] Then Mulholland doctor is going to be able to help you with that.

[36:45] Yeah.

[36:46] Can you remove that?

[36:47] Could you just slice that?

[36:48] No, that's the best part.

[36:50] Does a lot of mad witch ectomies and also puzzle box ectomies.

[36:54] If you have a puzzle box that's recreating reality when you open it, that they're very

[36:57] good at doing that.

[36:58] Uh, and finally patch Adams, what are you going to patch Adams for?

[37:02] I'm not going to go to that man.

[37:04] Dan, you, it was a trick question and you aced it.

[37:07] Yes.

[37:08] You do not go to patch Adams.

[37:09] That is a very good answer.

[37:12] What if I have a broken funny bone?

[37:14] He's not going to fix it.

[37:15] No, he just breaks it more.

[37:17] That's the problem.

[37:18] Uh, guys, I think we've learned a lot today about doctors, about health.

[37:22] Uh, this is a lot of information our listeners can use in their own lives, which is wonderful.

[37:27] Yeah.

[37:28] This is like a last week tonight episode.

[37:30] Yeah.

[37:31] Today we're, we're doing a deep dive on movie doctors.

[37:35] Um, so, uh, listeners, we hope you enjoyed this nonsense that we've been pouring into

[37:40] your ears, uh, for much longer than we should have by this point.

[37:43] Uh, this is the flop house.

[37:45] We hope you've enjoyed it.

[37:46] If you have enjoyed it, please leave us a positive review wherever you want to tell

[37:50] people about it.

[37:51] Get, get a plane and sky right.

[37:53] Listen to the flop house over the city of your choice.

[37:55] Uh, if you did not like this episode, I apologize.

[37:58] We'll be back next week with a regular episode where we watch a bad movie and we talk about

[38:02] it.

[38:03] If you are part of the maximum fun network, please take a listen to the other great maximum

[38:07] fun shows.

[38:08] There's a lot of great culture shows, a lot of great comedy shows.

[38:12] And I know I get a lot of personal enrichment from being a max fund member and listening

[38:16] to those programs.

[38:18] So I advise you to do the same.

[38:19] I'd like to give a thank you to our producer, Alex Smith, who will hopefully have found

[38:23] some way to shape this into an actual episode that you can listen to, or at the very least,

[38:27] uh, smoothed out the audio.

[38:29] I guess Alex Smith is also a creator in his own right.

[38:32] He is online as how old Dottie and he does podcasts and songs and he is incredibly talented

[38:37] and incredibly funny.

[38:38] So I advise you to seek him out as well.

[38:41] Um, I would remind you that we will be in Chicago on November 16th at sleeping village.

[38:48] Go to, uh, the flop house dot simple tics.com.

[38:52] Thank you.

[38:53] And go to the flop house dot simple tics.com to get tickets for flop TV, which starts September

[38:59] 6th.

[39:00] When this episode comes out, we'll be almost there.

[39:02] It'll be, it'll be almost time for the, for the episode.

[39:04] Um, or maybe it's the day of, I don't know.

[39:06] I'm not looking at the calendar until it might be, it might be, who knows?

[39:10] There's only one way to find out by a ticket at the flop house dot simple tics.com.

[39:15] Until then.

[39:16] Thank you for joining us.

[39:17] We appreciate it greatly.

[39:18] Uh, making this podcast is, I just can speak for myself.

[39:21] I won't put words in Dan Stewart's mouth is a delight and something I look forward to

[39:25] every time we record and it is very special and meaningful to me that it exists, that

[39:29] we get to make it and that you're listening to it.

[39:31] So for the flop house, with a big thank you to you, the listener, I'm Elliot Kalin.

[39:35] I've been Dan McCoy.

[39:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[39:39] We'll be back next week, probably with more nonsense.

[39:42] Bye.

[39:43] Maximum fun, a worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly by you.

FH Mini 136 - Doctors of Filmdom

Transcript

Description