FH Mini 136 - Doctors of Filmdom

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Hello, Flop friends. If you're listening to this on the day of release, Flop TV starts tonight if you want to join us live.

[0:07] But you don't have to, because you can also watch it on demand with tickets.

[0:12] How do you get tickets? Oh, I'm glad you asked.

[0:15] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com, where you can pick up individual show tickets or a season pass.

[0:23] And now, on with the show.

Elliott Kalan

[0:30] Hello. Welcome to the Flophouse. That's this podcast.

[0:35] But this episode, it's not a regular episode of the podcast.

[0:38] We're doing something a little special today.

[0:40] And by special, I mean lesser than our usual podcast.

[0:44] Wow.

[0:44] Because this is a Flophouse mini.

[0:46] My name is Elliot Kalin, and I am joined, of course, by my regular co-host on the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] Dan McCoy.

[0:52] Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] That's right. We have the Stuart Wellington robot.

[0:55] Regular Stuart Wellington was not available.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] I thought that was him, like, reading his, like, name into his voicemail or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] I see.

[1:04] Yeah.

[1:04] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] To access your bank information.

[1:06] Speak to a representative.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10] Complain to manager.

[1:12] So, on most episodes of the Flophouse, and by most I mean half of them, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:19] But then there's the other half, which is less but also the same amount, which is called the Flophouse mini.

[1:24] And on the Flophouse mini, we do whatever we want or, more accurately, sometimes, whatever we can throw together when it's a busy, rough week for the person in charge of the mini.

[1:33] I am the person in charge of this mini.

[1:35] And so, let's do some hastily thrown together stuff.

[1:38] You, the audience, the listeners.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40] I love that Elliot just throws, like, a fucking mystery at the listeners.

[1:43] Yeah.

[1:43] Where they're like, I wonder why Elliot had a rough week.

[1:45] Was it – was he disappointed by the recent episode of I Don't Know Television Show?

[1:50] He also doesn't like the new season of Wednesday.

[1:53] No, you're right.

Dan McCoy

[1:54] I appreciate him lowering the bar to the floor so when we step over it, they will applaud.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58] They'll go, oh, how wonderful, how wonderful.

[2:00] I thought it was going to be just you guys going, uh, for 40 minutes, but you were actually talking.

[2:05] I will say, Stuart, I was disappointed in I Don't Know What Television Show, the new episode.

[2:13] I have not watched Wednesday, so I'm not familiar with it.

[2:16] Otherwise, that could be the mini.

[2:18] You know, I assume it's the story of Wednesday Addams having to finally spend time with her birth dad, Grizzly Addams, out in the woods.

[2:25] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[2:25] Uh-huh.

[2:26] Can I actually say something about the premise of Wednesday?

[2:30] It's like –

[2:31] Now's the time.

[2:33] You have the floor.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] You know, I yield two minutes of my time to Dan to talk about the premise of Wednesday.

[2:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:38] I'm like the, you know, 10,000th person to say something about this, but since Elliot doesn't know anything about Wednesday, it's new to him.

[2:46] I mean, I know about the day.

Stuart Wellington

[2:47] I spent like half an hour complaining about Wednesday to Elliot over the phone.

[2:51] That is actually true.

[2:52] A couple days ago, Stuart did spend a lot of time telling you about the premise of Wednesday.

[2:56] There's five minutes of me being like, I understand it's not for me.

[2:59] It's like a YA take.

[3:01] That's exactly what you said.

[3:02] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] Like the whole point of the Addams family is like they are the outliers.

[3:06] This is what Stuart was saying.

[3:06] Let's send Wednesday to a magical school full of magic monsters.

Stuart Wellington

[3:11] Yes.

[3:11] It sucks.

[3:12] And the fact that the magical monsters are just called outcasts, like that's your fucking first draft idea of a name?

[3:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:19] I haven't seen it, so I can't say.

[3:21] I will say for me there's only one outcast and that's Andre 2000 and Big Boy.

[3:25] That's two people.

[3:26] No, but they make one outcast.

[3:27] But that's one outcast.

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:29] Yeah, because they each get – because Andre 2000 gets on Big Boy's shoulders and they put a trench coat over and they say,

[3:35] one ticket for an outcast, please.

[3:38] Even though –

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] They're like, is that accent from Stankonia?

Elliott Kalan

[3:42] Yeah, yes, I'm a native.

[3:44] So one ticket to Dracula's wedding, please.

[3:48] So I haven't seen Wednesday.

[3:50] That's not what we're talking about today.

[3:51] If anyone wants to hire me to write for Wednesday, I didn't criticize it the way these other guys have.

[3:55] Yeah, yeah, don't hire me.

Stuart Wellington

[3:56] I just rewrite the entire premise.

[3:57] Or hire us to fix it.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Yeah, yeah, they put the ire end higher.

Stuart Wellington

[4:02] Help us fix your hit show that everyone loves.

[4:04] Yeah, that everyone loves.

Elliott Kalan

[4:06] The most streamingest show.

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] Yeah, just by putting in a copy of Adam's Family Values and hitting play.

[4:12] It's a great movie.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] I love Adam's Family Values.

[4:14] But that's not what we're here to talk about.

[4:16] That was a lot of Adam's Family and Wednesday talk for a minute that is not about that.

[4:20] Guys, I wanted to talk about healthcare.

[4:23] Healthcare in America.

[4:24] We're all going to be losing our health insurance at one point or another.

[4:26] That's just the system that's been put in place at the moment.

[4:29] But I want to talk about what kind of doctors can we count on?

[4:32] We don't know what doctors we're going to be seeing.

[4:34] What if we end up seeing the doctors from different movies?

[4:37] And so today's an episode of A Flophouse.

[4:39] I'm calling HMO Health Movie Opportunities.

[4:42] And I'm going to be talking to you guys about a series of film doctors.

[4:45] And I want you to tell me what ailment are you going to see these doctors for?

Dan McCoy

[4:49] There's a certain one.

[4:50] I'm really looking forward to their appearance.

Elliott Kalan

[4:52] Okay, I don't know.

[4:53] Maybe they're on the list.

[4:53] Maybe they're not.

[4:54] We've got a bunch of them here.

[4:55] Now, for the purposes of this, I have tried to limit it to doctors whose names appear in the titles of the movie.

[5:02] Not all of them.

[5:03] Maybe there's a couple where it's not.

[5:05] But there's just so many doctors.

[5:06] I'm even more sure my doctor is going to show up now.

[5:09] Okay, we'll see.

[5:10] There's a lot of doctors in movies.

[5:13] And so I want you to tell me, what ailments are you going to this doctor for?

[5:15] What's their specialization?

[5:17] Maybe this is the first one.

[5:18] I don't know.

[5:18] Guys, if you could go see Dr. Giggles.

Stuart Wellington

[5:20] There he is.

[5:22] Oh, yeah.

[5:23] It's my serious St. Vitus dance condition.

[5:26] Yeah, so what are you seeing Dr. Giggles about?

Dan McCoy

[5:28] I'm not sure.

[5:29] I don't remember.

[5:30] I don't think he was an accredited doctor.

[5:32] I think he just thought he was a doctor.

[5:34] Is that true, sir?

[5:34] His name is doctor.

[5:36] It's called Dr. Giggles.

[5:38] But, yeah.

[5:39] I guess I would assume that he's a Patch Adams style laughter is the best medicine doctor.

[5:45] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:45] Oh, so you're not basing this on the movie, but rather on just seeing his name listed in a director.

[5:50] Yeah.

[5:51] Dr. Gilles.

[5:52] Oh, okay.

[5:53] I'll go see him.

[5:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Well, I mean, yeah, I would not even, I mean, if I see the movie, I'm not going to see Dr. Giggles at all.

[6:00] So I'm presenting a fiction where I'm just like, okay, and Dr. Giggles comes up.

[6:06] And I guess I would go to him for some sort of like, you know, Pagliacci, Pagliacci rather, scenario where I'm depressed and I assume that he can cheer me up.

Elliott Kalan

[6:16] But he's telling you, you got to go, you know who's really the Dr. Giggles is Pagliacci.

[6:19] You got to see him.

[6:21] And I'm like, doctor.

[6:21] Dr. Giggles, I am Pagliacci.

[6:24] He's also Pagliacci.

[6:24] He's a podcaster.

[6:25] No one says Pagliacci.

[6:26] Yeah.

[6:26] Sorry.

[6:27] That's okay.

[6:28] So the.

[6:29] I'm not Italian, Elliot.

[6:30] I'm not perfect.

Stuart Wellington

[6:32] If Dan was Italian, he would be perfect.

[6:35] He would be perfect.

[6:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] I feel like that's an apron you should have, Dan, that says if I was Italian, I'd be perfect.

Stuart Wellington

[6:42] I don't know if Dan could handle the fiery Italian blood coursing through his veins, though.

[6:46] No, I don't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[6:47] It would certainly keep him up.

[6:48] He'd need an even more powerful CPAP machine.

Dan McCoy

[6:50] I just have my grumpy Celtic blood.

[6:54] Grumpy Celtic blood could be a metal band, right?

Elliott Kalan

[6:57] A metal band that used a lot of like flute and fiddle.

Stuart Wellington

[6:59] That's basically the band primordial, actually.

[7:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] So Dr. Giggles, Dan, you're going to go to him to help you lift your spirits.

[7:06] Yeah.

[7:06] He's a fun doctor.

[7:07] Okay.

[7:08] What about Dr. Fibes then?

[7:09] He's abominable.

[7:10] We know that from the title of the movie.

[7:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] You don't put that in his listing, though, right?

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] I mean, if you're seeing his reviews and it says abominable, you might not go to him.

Dan McCoy

[7:18] You like specialties.

[7:20] Abominable in this.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Now, the movie, you mainly see him killing people in different revenge-filled ways.

[7:27] But what would you go to Dr. Fibes for?

[7:29] Stuart, what are you seeing Dr. Fibes for?

[7:31] I mean, probably revenge.

[7:33] So it's like Revenge MD.

[7:35] That's what his listing is?

[7:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] Yeah.

[7:37] It's like dirty work.

Elliott Kalan

[7:40] I hire him to do revenge for me.

[7:42] I'm trying to remember.

[7:43] And who are you getting revenge on?

[7:44] I'm curious about that, too.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] I think we've already talked about it, the creators of Wednesday.

[7:49] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[7:50] Okay, so Dr. Fibes are going for revenge.

[7:53] Dan, let's say you're in Russia.

[7:56] Something happens.

[7:57] You got to go see Dr. Zhivago.

[7:58] What are you going to see Dr. Zhivago about?

[8:00] Now, he's an actual, unlike Dr. Giggles and the Dr. Fibes in the movie, he is a doctor before the movie of Dr. Fibes starts.

[8:08] But by the time he's appearing, I think he's no longer practicing.

[8:11] Dr. Zhivago is a practicing doctor.

[8:12] So what are you going to go see him for?

Dan McCoy

[8:13] From what I remember of the film, he's a pretty warm guy, like a likable guy.

[8:20] I mean, it is a romance, so you have to sympathize with him, right?

[8:23] A little bit, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:24] Yeah, maybe it will help fix your broken heart.

Dan McCoy

[8:28] The better thing that I was going to say, I loved love doctor.

[8:32] I was just going to make him my PCP, you know?

[8:36] Wait, what?

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] Oh.

[8:38] Primary care physician.

[8:39] Okay, that's not the PCP, the circles I travel in to Andrew.

[8:43] I think you forgot my chemical drill lifestyle.

Dan McCoy

[8:45] Yeah, I want to do some angel dust with him.

[8:46] Yeah, exactly.

[8:47] Is that a thing doctors do?

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] I mean, there was a time, I think, when you probably could get that from a doctor, but more as a hobby.

[8:53] Yeah, Dr. Feelgood.

Dan McCoy

[8:58] Also Dr. Robert, I hear.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] Yeah, he is.

[9:01] Dr. Robert is a less enticing name than Dr. Feelgood.

[9:04] I'm going to go for drugs.

[9:06] But there's no movie called Dr. Feelgood.

[9:08] Yeah, I love that Molly Crew song.

Dan McCoy

[9:11] Let me check it while you...

Elliott Kalan

[9:12] Okay, while I do that, Stuart, let me ask you about this next doctor.

[9:15] Dr. Strange.

[9:16] What are you going to him for?

[9:17] He is a surgeon, but that's not what he does most of the time now.

[9:20] So what are you going to go to him for?

Stuart Wellington

[9:22] I mean, I kind of just want to go get surgery done because, like, he used to do it, and it'd be like, you know, it'd be like him coming back and playing the hits.

[9:31] I wouldn't have him drive me around because that's what caused this whole hand situation.

[9:36] That's a good point.

Dan McCoy

[9:38] Would you go to him?

[9:40] Oh, yeah?

[9:40] Sorry.

[9:41] From 2020, there's a listing for a TV series, Dr. Feelgood, but if you go to it, there's only one episode.

[9:48] So I don't think that got off the ground, but there is, from 2011, there's a movie, an hour and 21 minutes thriller, Dr. Feelgood.

[9:58] So there you go.

[9:59] Okay.

[10:00] And a music video for Motley Crue, Dr. Feelgood.

[10:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] All right.

[10:03] That's fair.

[10:04] Okay.

[10:04] So, Stuart, you're going to Dr. Strange.

[10:08] I would not advise going to him for a spell that would erase people's knowledge of your memory, but if you do, don't interrupt him.

[10:14] Don't interrupt him.

[10:14] Don't be an idiot and just babble on like a fucking moron, like a clumsy goof.

Dan McCoy

[10:19] Or show him the movie Babylon while he's doing it.

[10:22] Don't show him the movie Babylon at all.

[10:23] It's terrible.

[10:24] No.

Stuart Wellington

[10:25] Actually, I know what I'd do.

[10:27] Dr. Strange, I would go to him for that materialist calf lengthening, shin lengthening surgery.

[10:33] Oh, yeah.

[10:34] I want to be tall.

Elliott Kalan

[10:35] He'd be like, by the eye of Akamato, make his calf lungo.

[10:40] And it would happen.

[10:43] Dan, I have a question for you then.

[10:45] Maybe this should have been for Stuart.

[10:46] What if you went to Dr. Mordred, which was a hastily renamed Dr. Strange movie starring Jeffrey Combs.

[10:52] It was supposed to be a Dr. Strange movie.

[10:54] They lost the license and they renamed the character.

[10:57] But it's Stuart favorite Jeffrey Combs playing Dr. Mordred.

[10:59] What do you think of him?

Dan McCoy

[11:00] Probably if I needed to be reanimated in some way, I would go to that doctor.

Elliott Kalan

[11:05] He knows about those.

[11:06] It's strange that with his doctor training, he didn't try to help Giorgio get a prosthetic penis to replace the one that was ripped off at some point.

[11:13] He didn't get a chance.

[11:14] Giorgio was so worked up.

[11:15] That's true.

[11:16] Worked up how?

Stuart Wellington

[11:18] I mean, did you see the movie?

[11:19] He does some crazy stuff.

[11:21] Sure.

[11:22] I guess that covers a lot.

[11:24] No shade, you know, but.

Dan McCoy

[11:27] It's doing a lot of work that worked up.

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] I like the idea that Stuart is dealing with.

[11:31] There's a guy who's been chained in a basement for decades and he gets loose and he's killing people and Stuart's like, yeah, he's pretty worked up.

[11:37] Oh, man.

[11:38] Somebody put a nickel in him.

[11:40] He's hyper.

[11:41] He's just a little hyper.

[11:42] Yeah, he's got the zoomies.

[11:44] Somebody needs a nap.

[11:46] Somebody needs a lie down.

[11:48] Stuart, what about Dr. Strangelove?

[11:50] What are you going to Dr. Strangelove for help with?

Stuart Wellington

[11:54] Like bomb stuff?

[11:56] I guess so.

[11:57] That's pretty literal.

[11:58] But that's not like a medical element.

[12:00] Like you got blown up by a bomb?

[12:01] Oh, okay.

[12:03] So, Strangelove, probably to remove the things I stuck up my butt that won't come out.

[12:07] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:09] I mean, I would know if we would call that.

[12:10] That is love of a sword.

[12:11] I don't know if it has to be strange, but yeah, sure.

[12:14] So, he's a proctologist is what you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[12:14] I mean, if it's a thing that can't come out anymore because I chose the wrong item, I guess.

[12:19] I guess that makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[12:20] And he does have a robot hand.

[12:21] So, that's exactly what you would want for extracting something from your rectum.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] Dan, what about you?

[12:27] Same thing for Dr. Strangelove?

Dan McCoy

[12:28] Yeah.

[12:29] Yeah.

[12:29] And, you know, to quote our friends over at Jordan Jesse Go, without a base, without a trace.

[12:35] So, be safe out there, everyone.

[12:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:39] Yeah.

[12:39] There's no end to it.

[12:40] Yeah.

[12:40] You could just, there's no stopping.

[12:42] There's no thing in your butt that naturally stops something from going too far.

[12:45] Yeah.

[12:45] You can just keep going.

[12:47] Just keep going.

[12:48] And then come all the way out of your mouth.

[12:50] Yeah.

[12:51] In that case, you don't need to see the doctor.

[12:52] You already removed it yourself.

[12:54] But in the most circuitous, painful way.

[12:57] Yeah.

[12:57] Oh, we've got a new entry into the list.

[12:59] Dr. Feel Good, the Motley Crue video.

[13:01] Who are you going to listen to this doctor for?

Dan McCoy

[13:03] Well, I think pretty much anything.

[13:05] He advertises that it'll make me feel good.

[13:08] He'll make me feel all right as well.

[13:10] Okay.

[13:11] I mean, all right feels like not as good as good.

[13:13] Get some scripts.

[13:13] Calm down from feeling good.

[13:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:15] Get some scripts filled.

Dan McCoy

[13:16] Okay.

[13:17] I think he also makes you feel out of sight, though.

[13:19] So, I think.

[13:21] Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] Yeah, man.

[13:24] I mean, out of sight's a great movie.

[13:26] If it makes you feel like the character's not out of sight, super suave, super sexy, they

[13:29] always know what to say.

[13:31] Even when something doesn't go their way, they're able to pivot and kind of deal with it.

Dan McCoy

[13:34] They can fall in love in the middle of like a high tension situation.

Elliott Kalan

[13:40] A lot of people have hard trouble falling in love when they're locked inside a trunk that

[13:43] criminals are driving around the car of.

[13:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:45] They can do it.

[13:46] But he's going to be your Frankenstein.

[13:48] That's something that Dr. Philgood will do.

[13:50] We got lyrics genius on the case here.

Elliott Kalan

[13:54] Yeah.

[13:54] So, while he's looking at that, Stuart, what about Dr. No?

[13:57] What are you going to see Dr. No for?

[13:59] Yes.

[14:03] Now, the thing about Dr. No is it's also inconvenient.

[14:05] You have to go to his base, which I believe is a volcano island.

[14:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:08] And without that, without a trace.

[14:11] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] So, I would say...

[14:14] Thanks, Dan.

[14:15] I would say...

[14:16] Because volcanoes are just the Earth's rectum.

[14:18] Don't shove things in there.

[14:19] It'll go right down to the center of the Earth.

[14:21] Yeah.

[14:21] I would go to him for some James Bond removal.

[14:24] Okay.

[14:24] That's a good...

[14:25] I mean, he fails to do that.

[14:26] But, you know, he's got experience.

[14:28] Yeah, but he's due.

Stuart Wellington

[14:28] He's like the Washington General.

[14:30] Oh, I see.

Dan McCoy

[14:32] I mean, he's committed to the job.

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] I'm glad to see him once we're picking up our theme from the last episode of referring

[14:36] to comedy shows that we watched.

[14:38] Okay.

[14:38] How about, Dan, maybe this is more up your alley.

[14:40] Dr. Doolittle.

[14:41] Now, his name says he doesn't do much.

[14:43] Which one?

[14:44] Well, that's a good question.

[14:45] Which one would you like it to be?

[14:48] I think I would go to...

[14:49] He has at least three choices.

[14:50] Rex Harrison, famous asshole.

[14:53] Eddie Murphy, who's not...

[14:55] I mean, he's more of a real doctor in it.

[14:58] Yeah.

[14:58] Or Robert Downey Jr., who in that movie, it's very hard to understand what he's saying at

[15:02] any given point.

Dan McCoy

[15:04] Yeah.

[15:05] Well, I was going to go Rex until you said he's a famous asshole.

Elliott Kalan

[15:08] A very difficult person.

[15:09] Very difficult person to be a Rex.

Dan McCoy

[15:10] I guess I would go to Eddie Murphy then.

[15:12] Okay.

[15:13] I hate to break it too, Dan.

[15:14] He's a huge star.

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] Eddie Murphy's not a real doctor.

[15:16] He just played a doctor in the movie Dr. Doolittle.

[15:18] Whoa.

[15:19] I feel like this was entrapment.

Stuart Wellington

[15:21] It was.

[15:22] No, that's a different movie.

[15:23] That's a different movie.

[15:24] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] That's the movie where Catherine Zeta-Jones' butt has to fight lasers.

[15:28] Yeah.

[15:30] We've talked about it.

[15:31] What a more innocent time in American culture when you could have a movie become a hit just

[15:35] based off of a shot of someone's butt in a pair of pants sliding under a laser and

[15:40] that they sold that movie so hard on that one shot.

Dan McCoy

[15:42] America's like, I gotta see that.

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] I gotta see that.

[15:45] I think a lot of people thought that that was, you see it multiple times.

[15:48] No, just the one time.

[15:49] Just the one time.

Dan McCoy

[15:51] Yeah.

[15:51] They gave it away in the trailer, honestly.

Elliott Kalan

[15:53] Yeah.

[15:53] So, with that, but that's what gets you in the door, you know.

[15:56] Yeah.

[15:56] So, Dr. Doolittle with Eddie Murphy, even though he would probably be distracted by these animals

[16:00] talking to him, which I think is what happens in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[16:01] Well, I mean, he is a, wait.

[16:04] Is he a veterinarian?

[16:05] Is he a veterinarian?

[16:06] I don't remember about the Eddie Murphy, Dr. Doolittle.

[16:09] I mean, in the original, he, yes, he's for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[16:12] I thought he was an obstetrician in the middle of delivering a baby, a dog or a bird or something

[16:16] just started talking to him.

Dan McCoy

[16:17] Yeah.

[16:18] So, I would definitely go for, like, animal problems.

[16:21] Like, this is the most useful doctor of all of them.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] I mean, if you were a manimal, it's the only doctor you really should see.

[16:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:26] Because he understands both.

[16:27] If he can actually talk to the animals, walk with the animals, I mean, come on.

[16:32] Here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[16:33] Walking with the animals, not that difficult.

[16:35] Less impressive.

[16:36] Less impressive.

[16:37] Most people can do that.

[16:38] The talking with the animals, that's the hard part.

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:41] Yeah.

[16:42] So, Stuart, how about for you, Dr. Parnassus from the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, a movie

[16:48] I saw and remember almost nothing about.

[16:50] Yeah, I've never seen it.

[16:51] Except that Andrew Garfield's great in it.

Stuart Wellington

[16:53] Yeah, I'm going to say I'm having trouble with my dreams.

[16:59] Okay.

[17:00] Okay.

[17:00] Is that what the movie's about?

Elliott Kalan

[17:02] Probably.

Stuart Wellington

[17:03] Is that the game?

[17:04] The game we're playing is guess what the movie's about.

[17:06] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[17:07] What medical problem would you use an Imaginarium for?

[17:12] Yes, it's a good question.

[17:14] Yeah.

[17:15] Yeah.

[17:16] I guess if, like, you had some sort of psychosomatic disease.

[17:19] Okay, that makes sense.

[17:20] You'd need an Imaginarium.

[17:21] Muscular pain.

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] Now, here's not a doctor, but what if you needed a Wonder Emporium?

[17:25] Would you go to Mr. Magorium?

Dan McCoy

[17:27] Oh, he's one of the top people for that.

[17:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:30] No way.

[17:31] Everyone goes there.

[17:33] I think it's overrated.

[17:35] In Los Angeles Magazine, when they listed LA's top Wonder Emporium purveyors, Mr. Magorium

[17:41] was pretty high up there.

[17:43] So, what about, we're going to break for an ad after just a couple more, then we'll talk

[17:47] about a few more doctors.

[17:48] But before we do that, I've got a couple more doctors.

[17:50] Dan, who are you seeing Dr. Caligari about?

[17:52] What are you seeing that about?

[17:53] You got a problem?

[17:54] Dr. Caligari is the only one who can deal with it.

[17:56] What's your ailment?

Dan McCoy

[17:57] I need a cabinet built.

[17:59] That's what I'm doing.

Elliott Kalan

[17:59] Some sort of carpentry.

[18:01] So, you think the movie is about him building a cabinet.

[18:03] I can only assume.

[18:06] So, you're at IKEA.

[18:07] None of these.

[18:07] You're like, I want something sturdy.

[18:09] I want something that's going to last.

[18:10] I'll get a custom-made cabinet.

[18:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:12] He's a sonambulist.

[18:15] He like hypnotizes.

[18:15] He has a somnambulist.

[18:17] Somnambulist.

Elliott Kalan

[18:17] The somnambulist is the sleepwalker.

[18:19] He's probably a somnambulizer.

[18:20] So, some sort of sleep dysfunction.

[18:22] I mean, I have sleep apnea.

[18:24] Actually, Dr. Caligari could be really useful for you, Dan.

[18:25] The only issue is you get the greatest night of sleep of your life.

[18:28] You wake up so relaxed.

[18:30] But in the middle of the night, you do murder people while you're sleeping.

[18:33] So, is that a trade-off you're willing to make?

Stuart Wellington

[18:35] So, wait.

[18:35] He's not making cabinets?

[18:37] No, he's not making cabinets.

[18:39] So, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[18:39] Are you saying that Captain Corelli is not making mandolins?

[18:42] I haven't seen it.

[18:43] So, maybe he is.

Dan McCoy

[18:45] And also, where did Guillermo del Toro get his cabinet of curiosities?

[18:49] These are good questions, Elliot.

[18:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] Dr. Caligari may have built that.

[18:52] Yeah.

[18:52] Good point.

[18:54] So, let's leave that question to the philosophers of whether Dr. Caligari builds cabinets.

[18:59] Two more.

[19:00] Stuart, what about Dr. T from the movie The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T?

[19:04] The only original script that I believe Dr. Seuss wrote was produced as a feature film.

[19:08] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[19:08] So, I've never seen this movie.

[19:10] So, I'm just going to have to base it on what little information you're throwing at me.

[19:13] Okay.

[19:14] But I would say tummy problems.

Elliott Kalan

[19:18] Okay.

[19:18] I mean, it's called The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.

[19:22] But you think his tummy is what he specializes in.

[19:25] Well, that's what I need help with.

[19:27] My tummy hurts.

[19:28] And the T could stand for tummy.

[19:30] Or maybe he's Dr. Tumnus and he lives in Narnia.

Dan McCoy

[19:32] Oh, yeah.

[19:33] If I have a rumble in my gruma grim grumble, that's what I'll go to him for, I think.

[19:37] That makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[19:38] Yeah, that's one of the main things he uses.

[19:41] And now, Dan, what about Dr. T from Dr. T and the women?

[19:44] That's a different Dr. T, I assume.

Dan McCoy

[19:46] Well, you know that Dr. T is a gynecologist.

[19:48] So, I probably won't be going to that doctor.

[19:50] I mean, that's a job you could use 5,000 fingers for.

[19:53] Oh, God.

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] I'll refer people.

[19:55] Oh, yeah.

[19:55] That one cooking.

Elliott Kalan

[19:58] So, Dan, you're not going to avail Dr. T of his knowledge of the human body.

Dan McCoy

[20:02] I mean, yeah.

[20:03] I guess if I needed gynecological advice like secondhand, I could talk to Dr. T.

Elliott Kalan

[20:10] I'm going to take a brief moment from this nonsense to tell you about some real sense.

[20:14] That's right.

[20:14] Some real things that the Flophouse has going on.

[20:16] We've got some really exciting stuff that we want you to join us for.

[20:21] Flop TV is back.

[20:23] Flop TV, baby.

[20:24] The online TV version of the Flophouse live broadcasts once a month on the first Saturday

[20:29] of every month from September through February.

[20:32] It's season three of Flop TV.

[20:34] Can you believe it?

[20:35] We're on season three already.

[20:36] And we just have all these serialized stories and all these twists and turns, all these things

[20:40] that you're going to want to watch.

[20:41] I'm just kidding.

[20:42] We don't do that at all.

[20:43] Instead, it's like a one-hour version of the Flophouse.

[20:45] New presentations, new video segments.

[20:47] We take questions from the audience.

[20:48] And most importantly, we talk about a bad movie.

[20:50] Bad movies we've never talked about on the show before.

[20:53] In September, it's going to be The Adventures of Pluto Nash.

[20:55] In October, it's going to be Jack Frost, the Michael Keaton version.

[20:59] And what comes after October?

[21:00] November?

[21:01] In November, it's Xanadu.

[21:02] In December, it's Zardoz.

[21:05] In January, it's Dr. Dolittle, the Rex Harrison version.

[21:08] Famous asshole.

[21:09] And in February, it is Plan 9 from Outer Space.

[21:12] We're going back in time through the episodes to talk about some flops we've never had the

[21:17] opportunity to talk about before.

[21:18] Guys, are you as excited as I am about Flop TV season three?

Dan McCoy

[21:21] Yeah, man.

[21:22] I just sent over my first special report to our tech guru, Matt Carman, who wrote back,

[21:31] very weird, good job.

Elliott Kalan

[21:34] Excellent.

[21:34] Look forward to that.

[21:35] And I was practicing my presentation on my wife yesterday, and she said it's a little

[21:39] long, but very funny, so I'm going to cut it down and hopefully just keep the funny parts.

[21:42] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for tickets.

[21:45] Again, that's theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[21:48] Buy individual episodes, or you can buy the season pass.

[21:51] It's a six-show bundle.

[21:52] Six episodes for the price of five.

[21:54] That's like one free show.

[21:56] That's what I would do if I were you.

[21:57] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[21:59] If you can't make it to the live broadcast of the show, then that's okay.

[22:04] Your ticket gets you access to the recordings of the show through the end of February.

[22:07] You can watch the episodes as many times as you want in whatever order you want, at whatever

[22:12] playback speed you want.

[22:14] It doesn't matter to me.

[22:15] Wow.

[22:15] Yeah.

[22:16] Watch it double speed.

[22:17] Watch it half speed.

[22:18] Yeah.

[22:18] That's theflophouse.simpleticks.com for Flop TV Season 3.

Stuart Wellington

[22:22] Yeah.

[22:22] If you watch it fast enough, it'll be like one of those time-lapse videos where you can

[22:27] watch our facial hair grow and our fingernails get super long.

[22:31] Yeah.

[22:31] In one hour.

[22:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:37] I'm Emily Fleming.

Dan McCoy

[22:38] I'm Jordan Morris.

[22:39] And I'm Matt Lieb.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] We are real comedy writers.

Dan McCoy

[22:41] Real friends.

[22:42] And real cheapskates.

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] On every episode of our podcast, Free With Ads, we ask, why pay for expensive streaming

[22:49] services when you can get free movies from apps with weird names?

Elliott Kalan

[22:53] Each week, we review the freest movies the internet has to offer.

[22:57] Classics like Pride and Prejudice.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] Cult classics like Point Break.

[23:00] And holy s***, what did I just watch?

[23:03] Classics like Teen Witch.

Elliott Kalan

[23:05] Tune in every week as we take a deep dive into the internet's bargain bin.

[23:09] Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org or your favorite pod place.

Dan McCoy

[23:14] As you may have seen, our Chicago show is sold out, so we added a late show where we'll

[23:27] be discussing a second film starring America's runner-up favorite Belushi, Jim.

[23:34] That show is at Sleeping Village on Sunday, November 16 at 9.30 p.m.

[23:41] I said 9 last time in error, and I think it was listed wrong at least one other place,

[23:46] but it is 9.30.

[23:49] So go to sleeping-village.com for tickets to that on November 16.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] Guys, let's talk about some more Doctors, huh?

[23:59] Yeah, why not?

[24:00] Okay, let's talk about some.

Stuart Wellington

[24:02] Hey, let's check into the Doctor.

[24:04] Go see the Doctor by Kool Moody.

[24:05] Let's talk about Doctors, baby.

Elliott Kalan

[24:07] Let's talk about Doctors, baby.

[24:08] So getting back to some more movie Doctors, what about Dr. Moreau, the Marlon Brando version?

[24:14] What are you asking Dr. Moreau's help with?

Stuart Wellington

[24:18] Well, obviously he's talented in the arts of mutants.

[24:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:26] I'd ask him about this pig nose that I have growing on my nose.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] He'd be able to help with that, but he might be hard to get clear information out of.

[24:33] Could I get like a little version of me to follow me around?

[24:36] You are in luck.

[24:38] He specializes in that.

[24:39] He's the only specialist for that.

[24:41] So that's Dr. Moreau.

[24:42] He's an MD.

[24:43] That stands for mutant doctor.

[24:45] That's what he does best.

Dan McCoy

[24:48] Dr. Marguerite Moreau.

[24:50] Sorry, that's just the name of an actress.

[24:52] Oh, okay.

[24:53] It's not even – it's nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] I was about to be like, is that his actual name?

[24:56] Yeah.

[24:57] Yeah, it's really true.

[24:58] Because we don't know his first name.

[24:59] It could be Marguerite.

[25:01] I'm just going to call him Marlon because it's Marlon Brando.

[25:04] Here's – okay, what about Dr. Detroit?

[25:05] What do you see in this doctor for?

[25:06] I knew this one was coming.

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] Yeah.

[25:08] And Dan, before you say it, don't say prostitutes.

Dan McCoy

[25:12] That is his main business – well, not his main business.

[25:15] His main business is being a professor.

[25:17] Yeah.

[25:18] But he does have a thriving sideline as the protector of a bunch of sex workers in – is it in Detroit?

[25:28] No, he's from Detroit.

[25:29] He's in Chicago.

[25:30] Yeah.

[25:30] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:31] That's where we're going to be.

[25:32] Do you think we're going to run into him?

Dan McCoy

[25:34] Probably.

[25:34] It's my understanding that, you know, he's a local character.

[25:37] You just see Dr. Detroit wandering around.

[25:39] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:39] Sure.

[25:39] He's like Emford Norton.

[25:41] He's the – yeah.

[25:42] He's the naked cowboy of Chicago.

[25:44] Yeah.

[25:45] I would say I would go with style ideas.

[25:52] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] Some clothing ideas.

[25:54] So he's like a doctor of fashion.

[25:55] I see.

[25:56] That's what you're going to do for.

Dan McCoy

[25:57] Yeah.

[25:57] I'd go to –

[25:58] Doctor of my wardrobe.

[25:59] Like, can I get a robot arm like your robot arm that you have?

[26:04] I want one of those.

[26:04] Dr. Detroit has a robot arm?

[26:06] It's a weird goddamn movie.

[26:09] Like, I finally watched it in full like maybe a year ago because I remembered it from like –

[26:15] Because your parents came over and you wanted to watch it.

[26:16] Yeah.

[26:16] Guys, you'll love this.

[26:19] It is like unfiltered.

[26:21] Like, whenever Dan Aykroyd like I think didn't have anything else to filter his ideas, something very weird and not that funny would result.

[26:30] But kind of fascinating.

[26:31] I mean, I love Dan Aykroyd.

[26:33] I just think he needs collaborators.

[26:35] Or his best was collaborators.

Elliott Kalan

[26:37] So Dr. Strangelove and Dr. Detroit have more in common than I thought.

[26:40] They both kind of robot hands, right?

[26:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:42] The one thing I did feel about that movie though is like it's just more proof that like even not that good movies from the past look so beautiful compared to –

[26:51] Like, it is shot beautifully for what a weird piece of nonsense it is.

Elliott Kalan

[26:58] Makes sense.

[26:58] Well, the cinematographer was El Greco.

[27:01] Oh.

[27:01] Yeah, yeah.

[27:02] So that's why.

[27:02] I'm beautiful but the figures are all elongated.

[27:05] Okay.

[27:05] That's Dr. Detroit.

[27:06] What about another doctor named after a location?

[27:08] Doc Hollywood.

[27:09] What are you going to Doc Hollywood for?

Stuart Wellington

[27:10] Plastic surgery.

[27:12] I mean, he's a plastic surgeon.

[27:13] That's what he does.

[27:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:14] Yeah.

[27:14] I wouldn't go to him being like, you know, I don't know.

[27:17] I've got an ulcer because I know that's not his specialty.

[27:19] I mean, he's still a doctor.

Stuart Wellington

[27:19] But he's still a doctor.

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:21] He's still a medical school, right?

[27:21] Does he get a lot of plastic surgery jobs in the small town?

[27:25] He crashes his car and gets stuck in, isn't he?

Dan McCoy

[27:27] I mean, he does have to pivot to sort of general practice.

[27:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] I mean, that's why that town is now known as the most beautiful town in America.

[27:34] Yeah.

[27:35] Because everyone – he just – they go in for an ulcer and then he puts them under it and when they come out, they've got bigger boobs.

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:41] BDO.

[27:41] Crows feet are gone.

[27:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] Guys, I had to look up who the cinematographer for Doctor Detroit is.

[27:47] And it's someone –

[27:47] It's gone, Redhall.

[27:48] Someone whose name is King Baggett.

[27:51] King Baggett.

[27:53] That's a good name.

[27:54] Like maggot but with a B.

[27:56] Yeah.

[27:56] No, I got it.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:58] Also the director of cinematography for the movie Gotcha.

[28:03] Oh, God.

[28:03] You devil.

[28:04] Revenge of the Nerds, The Last Starfighter.

Elliott Kalan

[28:06] Oh, okay.

[28:06] He was working steadily in the 1980s.

Dan McCoy

[28:09] Some kind of hero.

[28:10] Anyway.

[28:11] So there you go.

[28:12] King Baggett.

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] Well, if he's listening –

[28:14] Murderer's Road movies.

[28:15] Where are you now, King?

[28:16] Dan, enjoyed your work on Doctor Detroit.

[28:18] Here's a different kind of doctor.

[28:20] Although he's similar to someone we talked about.

[28:21] What about Doctor Mabuza?

[28:22] Who, again, from the Fritz Lang films, the same name.

[28:25] He is a gambler.

[28:26] He is an eavesdropper.

[28:29] He's a brainwasher.

[28:30] What do you go to Doctor Mabuza for?

Dan McCoy

[28:33] Sort of if I need like sort of a Napoleon of crime.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] Is that often?

[28:38] Do you often find yourself in that situation?

Dan McCoy

[28:40] Well, no.

[28:42] But I feel like it's the sort of thing that if you need it, you want it to be there.

Elliott Kalan

[28:46] You're at your primary care physician.

[28:48] He's like, oh, for this, I'm going to write you a referral.

[28:50] But just so you know, he's a little bit of a Napoleon of crime.

[28:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:54] I'd probably go for some of that like spotless mind type treatment so that I forget stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] Oh, yeah.

[29:00] That's a good idea.

[29:01] Yeah, yeah.

[29:01] I mean, he'll have access to all your secrets is the only thing.

[29:03] That's fine.

[29:04] Okay.

[29:05] He's definitely going to use those to blackmail you.

Stuart Wellington

[29:07] Definitely.

[29:07] Yeah.

[29:07] I mean, I feel like tech companies are already doing that anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[29:11] Yeah.

[29:11] That's a good point.

[29:12] Okay.

[29:12] What about Doctor Mabuza?

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] I'd rather support my local eavesdropper than some kind of world's I bought to eavesdropper.

Elliott Kalan

[29:20] That's fair.

[29:20] Yeah.

[29:21] The mom and pop eavesdropper.

[29:22] Yeah.

[29:23] Mom and pop surveillance state.

[29:24] We're now firmly into the mad doctor section because here's Doctor X.

[29:30] I don't know if you guys have seen that movie.

[29:32] It involves someone who kills people after slathering himself in artificial flesh.

Stuart Wellington

[29:37] Oh.

[29:38] Doctor X is also the villain of the Queensryche record Operation Mind Crime.

[29:43] Okay.

[29:44] Who in Operation Mind Crime Part 2 is voiced by the late, great Ronnie James Dio.

[29:48] I don't think they're the same person.

Dan McCoy

[29:49] I guess if I had like, you know, severe burns or something, if he's an expert with this artificial

[29:56] flesh, that would be good.

[29:58] Yeah.

[29:58] What about if you just had George Burns?

[30:01] George Burns.

[30:02] Oh, God.

[30:03] I think that also probably some artificial flesh would be good.

[30:07] Just, you know, melt some of those years off of old George.

Elliott Kalan

[30:11] It's fair.

[30:12] And yeah, Stu, let's just say you're not hurt, but you just happened to get a bunch of artificial

[30:17] flesh from Doctor X.

[30:18] What are you going to do with it?

Stuart Wellington

[30:19] Yeah, I don't know.

[30:20] Or I guess he calls it synthetic flesh.

[30:22] Burgers.

[30:23] I mean, burgers is an obvious one, Dan.

[30:26] Come on.

[30:26] I'm trying to think outside the bun.

[30:28] So, I would say, I would probably, you know, like, set up a series of really hilarious

[30:35] pranks involving all this synthetic flesh.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] Yeah, just like a slip on a nose.

[30:43] Just that slipping on a banana peel, it's slip on a nose.

Elliott Kalan

[30:46] What about, okay, next, what about Doctor Terror from the film Doctor Terror's House of

[30:51] Horrors?

[30:52] Now, I will mention you will have to go to a house of horrors to see Doctor Terror.

[30:56] So, what are you going to go to Doctor Terror for?

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] Is that his given name or is that like, is that his actual last name or did he earn that

[31:04] one?

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] In the movie, it's not his actual last name, but let's say his name is Doctor Edward Terror.

Dan McCoy

[31:09] Do they use that actual title in SCTV or is it like some play on that?

[31:15] Like, I remember that being in part of, you know, the Joe Flaherty character, the Count

[31:22] Floyd.

[31:22] That's what I'm thinking of.

[31:23] I don't remember.

[31:24] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[31:25] Okay, so Doctor Terror.

[31:27] I would probably go for, you know, I'm scared of a lot of stuff, so why not stuff to just

[31:33] calm me down, you know?

[31:34] Scripts for some like, uh...

Dan McCoy

[31:37] Some anti-anxiety meds.

[31:38] Yeah, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[31:39] All right.

[31:40] So, he's the opposite of terror.

[31:41] I've been finding those very helpful this year.

Dan McCoy

[31:46] Anxiety medicine.

Stuart Wellington

[31:47] I mean, I feel like if he's an expert at causing terror, he probably also knows how to

[31:52] calm it down.

[31:53] You're right, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] He's a master of terror, so he also knows what the opposite of terror is, which is what

[31:58] you think, like kind of low-level gummies or something like that?

[32:01] Yeah, that's the opposite of terror.

[32:04] Okay, so you'll go there for your anxiety.

[32:06] What about Dr. Cyclops?

[32:08] This is another kind of mad scientist character.

[32:11] He shrinks people down.

Dan McCoy

[32:12] Probably eye tests.

[32:14] I was going to say the opposite.

[32:15] I don't want to go to them for like an eye thing.

[32:18] Like, clearly something went wrong at some point.

Stuart Wellington

[32:20] But he probably spends so much time thinking about eyeballs, so...

[32:24] You think so?

[32:25] I wonder...

Elliott Kalan

[32:25] So, there's the old story where...

[32:27] So, there's the old riddle.

[32:28] You go to a town.

[32:29] You need a haircut for something.

[32:31] There's two barbers in the town.

[32:32] One of the barbers has a great haircut.

[32:34] The other has a real messy haircut.

[32:35] Which barber do you go to?

Dan McCoy

[32:37] Yeah, you go to the one with the messy haircut because he gets his haircut at the great barbers.

Elliott Kalan

[32:41] Well, he cuts the...

[32:42] Yeah, because he is the great barber and he cuts the other guy's hair.

Stuart Wellington

[32:44] I was going to say the opposite.

[32:46] Yeah, yeah.

[32:46] Oh, boy.

[32:46] I have definitely not gotten my haircut from a guy because he was wearing a baseball cap before.

[32:52] Like, this doesn't bode well for me.

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] He's trying to hide his hair and he wants to run his hands through mine?

[32:57] I don't think so.

[32:57] So, with Dr. Cyclops, is it the same thing?

[32:59] You go to the guy with bad eyesight to get your glasses?

[33:02] Or the other way around?

Stuart Wellington

[33:04] Well, are they ruby quartz glasses?

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] That's a different Cyclops.

[33:08] This is the Cyclops who shrinks people.

Dan McCoy

[33:10] I would go to them for a monocle for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[33:13] Okay, okay.

[33:14] Fair point.

[33:15] All right, so for your monocle-based ophthalmology.

[33:17] Have you considered switching from glasses to a monocle?

Dan McCoy

[33:22] I feel like I've gotten past the point in my life when, like, affectations or something that attracts me.

Elliott Kalan

[33:27] Dan, let me just tell you, you are wrong.

[33:30] Why?

[33:30] Because I think you are on the verge of the most affectation-based era in your life yet.

[33:35] You're about to get there.

[33:36] I think you're a couple years away from going from being a young affectation guy to being just a regular guy to being an old dandy who needs to really – who's not afraid to set his style to extreme.

Dan McCoy

[33:49] Sure.

[33:50] Yeah, sure.

[33:50] I think that it will come in age.

[33:52] I wore – we went to Governor's Island recently and I wore my Panama hat because I'm like, I'm –

[33:58] Dan, I'm up.

[34:00] I'm getting to an age where, like, I'm almost there where it just looks normal to wear a hat, you know?

[34:07] Because I feel like it looks normal on old people and it doesn't look normal on any young guys.

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] Especially big floppy hats that make more sense on old men than on young men.

[34:14] But, Dan, I think you're almost there.

[34:15] I see you as becoming like an Edward Gorey type figure.

[34:18] Just kind of like –

[34:19] If only.

Dan McCoy

[34:20] I think you could do it.

[34:22] Had fucking swagger.

[34:24] We see that.

[34:25] Have you seen what Edward Gorey looked like?

[34:27] No, no, no.

[34:28] I'm not going to get it.

[34:28] Look him up.

[34:29] I think you could pull it off, Dan.

[34:30] It takes work.

Elliott Kalan

[34:31] It takes work and you got to push past the haters and persist.

[34:35] So that's what you're going to –

[34:36] But we already talked about –

[34:37] Holy shit.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] He's fucking dripped out here.

[34:41] This is crazy.

[34:42] When you go to Dr. Detroit for your clothing advice, he's going to tell you this.

[34:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:46] Yeah, this is amazing.

[34:47] He's like – who's the heavy metal artist guy?

[34:51] Oh, damn it.

[34:52] The fantasy artist.

[34:54] Frazetta.

[34:54] Yeah, Frazetta.

[34:55] That's another one.

[34:56] Yeah.

[34:56] Frazetta looked incredible.

[34:58] I don't know what that guy looks like.

Elliott Kalan

[35:00] Yeah, he looks amazing.

[35:01] This is another episode of Dan and Stuart look up pictures of guys.

[35:04] Very good for listening to.

[35:07] While you're dealing with that, what about Dr. Sadism from the movie The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism?

[35:13] Now, this is actually an adaptation of The Pit and the Pendulum.

[35:15] It's also known as The Blood Demon.

[35:17] And like Dr. Terror, this is also a Christopher Lee movie.

[35:21] Oh, okay.

[35:22] Cool.

[35:22] So, what are you going to Dr. Sadism for, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[35:25] Oh, well, he obviously – I don't know.

[35:31] Like I feel like maybe a tattoo or something.

[35:33] Something where he doesn't mind causing – or like, no, physical therapy.

[35:36] Something where he doesn't mind causing like pain to me.

Dan McCoy

[35:38] You need him to be a little tough on you.

Stuart Wellington

[35:39] Yeah, he needs to be a little rough.

[35:41] He needs to really get in there and start cracking my bones.

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] What about The Mad Doctor of Blood Island?

[35:48] That's another movie doctor.

[35:50] What are you seeing The Mad Doctor of Blood Island for?

Dan McCoy

[35:53] Probably something blood disease related, right?

[35:56] Well, no.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] He just is on Blood Island.

[35:58] I don't know if that's his specialty.

Dan McCoy

[35:59] Oh, okay.

[35:59] So, yeah.

[36:01] The island title was named – it was named for something else.

[36:04] There was a massacre there or something.

Elliott Kalan

[36:06] I mean like if you go to someone – if you go to a doctor on Christmas Island, it's not like he only treats Christmas related issues.

Dan McCoy

[36:10] No, good point.

[36:11] I'm acting foolish.

[36:16] What would suggest such silliness to me?

Elliott Kalan

[36:19] Okay.

[36:19] Well, let's move past that then and the – let's go to – we only got two left.

[36:26] 82 left.

[36:27] We only got 82 doctors left.

[36:28] The next one, Mulholland Drive, but when it's written sometimes, it's just DR for drive.

[36:33] So, it looks like doctor.

[36:34] So, who are you going to go to Mulholland Doctor for?

Stuart Wellington

[36:38] Well –

[36:39] I got this real problem with a weird witch living behind my diner.

Elliott Kalan

[36:43] The Mulholland Doctor is going to be able to help you with that.

[36:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:45] Yeah.

[36:45] Can you remove that?

[36:46] Could you just slice that off?

Elliott Kalan

[36:48] No, that's the best part.

[36:50] Does a lot of mad witchectomies and also puzzle boxectomies.

[36:54] If you have a puzzle box that's recreating reality when you open it, they're very good at doing that.

[36:59] And finally, Patch Adams.

[37:01] What are you going to Patch Adams for?

Dan McCoy

[37:02] I am not going to go to that man.

Elliott Kalan

[37:04] Dan, you – it was a trick question and you aced it.

[37:07] Yes, you do not go to Patch Adams.

[37:09] That is a very good answer.

Stuart Wellington

[37:12] What if I have a broken funny bone?

[37:14] He's not going to fix it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:16] No, he just breaks it more.

[37:17] That's the problem.

[37:19] Guys, I think we've learned a lot today about doctors, about health.

[37:23] This is a lot of information our listeners can use in their own lives, which is wonderful.

[37:27] Sure.

[37:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[37:28] This is like a last week tonight episode.

[37:31] Yeah, today we're doing a deep dive on movie doctors.

[37:36] So, listeners, we hope you enjoyed this nonsense that we've been pouring into your ears for much longer than we should have by this point.

[37:44] This is The Flophouse.

[37:45] We hope you've enjoyed it.

[37:46] If you have enjoyed it, please leave us a positive review wherever you want to.

[37:50] Tell people about it.

[37:51] Get a plane and sky right.

[37:53] Listen to The Flophouse over the city of your choice.

[37:56] If you did not like this episode, I apologize.

[37:58] We'll be back next week with a regular episode where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[38:03] We are part of the Maximum Fun Network.

[38:05] Please take a listen to the other great Maximum Fun shows.

[38:08] There's a lot of great culture shows, a lot of great comedy shows, and I know I get a lot of personal enrichment from being a MaxFun member and listening to those programs.

[38:18] So I advise you to do the same.

[38:19] I'd like to give a thank you to our producer, Alex Smith, who will hopefully have found some way to shape this into an actual episode that you can listen to or at the very least smooth out the audio, I guess.

[38:30] Alex Smith is also a creator in his own right.

[38:32] He is online as Howell Doughty, and he does podcasts and songs, and he is incredibly talented and incredibly funny.

[38:38] So I advise you to seek him out as well.

[38:42] I would remind you that we will be in Chicago on November 16th at Sleeping Village.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] Go to theflophouse.simpletix.com.

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] Thank you.

[38:53] And go to theflophouse.simpletix.com to get tickets for Flop TV, which starts September 6th.

[38:59] When this episode comes out, we'll be almost there.

[39:02] It'll be almost time for the episode.

[39:04] Or maybe it's the day of.

[39:06] I'm not looking at the calendar.

[39:08] I think it might be.

[39:09] It might be.

[39:10] Who knows?

[39:10] There's only one way to find out.

[39:11] Buy a ticket at theflophouse.simpletix.com.

[39:14] Until then, thank you for joining us.

[39:16] We appreciate it greatly.

[39:18] Making this podcast is, I just can speak for myself, I won't put words in Dan Stewart's mouth,

[39:23] is a delight and something I look forward to every time we record.

[39:27] And it is very special and meaningful to me that it exists, that we get to make it, and that you're listening to it.

[39:32] So, for the Flophouse, with a big thank you to you, the listener, I'm Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[39:35] I've been Dan McCoy.

[39:37] I'm Stewart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[39:39] We'll be back next week, probably with more nonsense.

[39:41] Bye!

FH Mini 136 - Doctors of Filmdom

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