Ep. #338 - Zack Snyder's Justice League

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Zack Snyder's Justice League.

[0:05] The longest superhero movie ever, the most expensive director's cut in film history,

[0:10] and only the second major motion picture to have the word Zack in the title.

[0:14] Sorry, Justice League, Zack and Miri make a porno got there first.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:46] I am Dan McCoy.

[0:49] Heck yeah, and I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:51] And this is Elliot Kalin.

[0:53] Hey!

[0:54] Oh!

[0:55] Oh!

[0:56] Oh!

[0:57] Big energy.

[0:58] We used up a lot of energy.

[0:59] That was too much.

[1:00] I don't have anything left.

[1:01] I'm going to go lie down now.

[1:02] Hey.

[1:03] A little more gas in the tank.

[1:04] So, I know what the listener is thinking right now.

[1:08] They're thinking, Justice League?

[1:10] These jerks don't realize they already talked about Justice League.

[1:14] Well, oh boy, let me spin you a tale.

[1:17] There's a gentleman called Zachary Snyder, who is a visionary director and thus deserving

[1:23] of, I don't know, having his every whim fulfilled.

[1:27] So internet nerds have insisted upon this cut.

[1:31] Elliot, you look raring to give more context to this.

[1:34] So go right ahead.

[1:35] I did.

[1:36] Well, the first context I wanted to give was, hi, this is the Flophouse.

[1:38] We're a podcast.

[1:39] We watch a bad movie.

[1:40] Let me talk about it.

[1:41] The other context I want to give was, you're right, Dan.

[1:43] This is the legendary Snyder cut.

[1:45] It could only be brought about because of a huge campaign of fan activism, online bullying

[1:50] and resources that, you know, might have probably been spent on making a new movie or just arguably

[1:56] things that the world needs more than a cut of the Justice League movie.

[2:00] But hey, we don't need to get into all the backstory because there's a little bit of

[2:04] tragedy in it.

[2:05] Needless to say, there was, Zach Snyder was making the Justice League movie.

[2:09] Then he had to leave because of a family tragedy that's very sad.

[2:12] Then Joss Whedon came in to finish it and nobody liked that version of it.

[2:16] And now that Joss Whedon is officially canceled, it's time for Zach Snyder to step up and take

[2:20] the helm again.

[2:22] That's right.

[2:23] This is Zach Snyder's Justice League, a leaner, meaner, streamlined Justice League.

[2:29] It's just a fast machine that keeps its motor clean.

[2:33] Nope.

[2:34] I do want to point out, before we get into too much of the meat of this, that Zach Snyder

[2:40] has made a fair amount of charitable efforts with this cut of Justice League.

[2:45] I believe they're donating some of their money and yada yada.

[2:49] So that's all cool.

[2:50] I feel like the way that Zach Snyder himself has handled this has been super reasonable

[2:56] and above board.

[2:59] The only people that I put any disgust on are the subset of fans that wanted this so

[3:06] badly that they made other people's lives difficult and unpleasant.

[3:10] And will probably continue to do so now that they've been vindicated.

[3:14] Now that they've been rewarded, there are already calls for a different cut of Suicide

[3:19] Squad.

[3:20] Which, I mean, unless you're just going to add a hundred more songs to that movie, I

[3:24] don't know what else you can do with it.

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:27] So, I mean, as Stuart alluded to, or wait, sorry, as Elliot alluded to in his joke and

[3:33] Stuart roundly rejected, this is a longer cut of the movie.

[3:39] This is a long cut, it is a four hour cut of Justice League.

[3:46] Available on the least useful streaming service, HBO Max.

[3:51] It is useful because they have a good selection of shit.

[3:53] It is not useful because their user interface is the worst of all fucking streaming services.

[3:59] I direct you to Starz, where they just dumped a bunch of movies under the category movies

[4:05] and left it at that.

[4:07] I mean, they're movies, by the way, Dan, I mean, what else can you say?

[4:11] I will say that HBO Max, the breadth of their content is only matched by the slowness of

[4:18] the apps loading when you want to use it.

[4:20] I do like that they currently have a section under famous Aries actors, because I like

[4:27] to pick my movies based on my knowledge of their horoscopes.

[4:31] Yes.

[4:32] So, anyway, this is a long cut of the film, and as such, rather than have an extra long

[4:38] flop house, since we already have extra long flop houses, we are going to do our very first

[4:45] two-parter flop house.

[4:48] What momentous event could possibly deserve such treatment other than visionary director

[4:56] Zack Snyder?

[4:57] So this is covering the first four chapters, which goes up to about 220 in the film.

[5:05] What's great about it is that you have just buried the lead there, because one of the

[5:10] biggest changes is that he breaks the movie down into chapters with chapter headings.

[5:15] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.

[5:17] The chapters have a quote at the beginning from a character in that chapter, and I was

[5:23] just glad to see that the only thing I don't like about The Wire was continued by another

[5:29] visionary in their work, because I think it is super ridiculous that every episode of

[5:33] The Wire starts with a quote that is attributed to one of the characters in the episode, like

[5:38] it's an epigraph we're supposed to recognize, and then you see a character say it in the

[5:41] episode, and you're like, oh, so they were just a warning that that was going to be said

[5:46] at some point in the episode?

[5:48] Everything else about The Wire, super big fan of, but anyway, Justice League, they do

[5:52] that, too.

[5:53] We'll file this under complaints, Elliot's weird.

[6:00] Now, speaking of weird Elliot comments, not a complaint, but so I think a lot of people,

[6:05] one of the things that's interesting about this movie, and we'll get into it later, I

[6:08] would like to reserve final judgments until we watch the whole thing, if possible, but

[6:12] that it has received a lot of positive appraisal in a way that the first movie didn't, and

[6:17] I want to say this.

[6:18] Here's my thesis statement for how I will be engaging and interacting with this particular

[6:22] textual work.

[6:24] This movie, I don't think it is the Citizen Kane of superhero movies, but I think it may

[6:29] possibly be the Matthew Barney's Craymaster Cycle of superhero movies, a kind of strange

[6:35] overlong personal interpretation of myth that involves a lot of effects and things that

[6:43] are not meant to appear realistic or to resemble anything in the real world, but it exists

[6:47] on a sort of metaphorical level.

[6:49] As we get into the plot, there might be moments where I point out just kind of Craymaster

[6:54] moments where I'm like, yeah, this reminds me of Matthew Barney's seven to nine hour,

[6:58] I forget how long, epic about the early sexual differentiation inside of fetuses as seen

[7:04] through the life of Gary Gilmore and Harry Houdini and the Guggenheim Museum and a bunch

[7:10] of other things.

[7:11] I'll be comparing it to different moments featured in the Nibling slide, which I think

[7:18] you'll see it's going to match up quite a bit.

[7:22] If there's ever been a movie that I would say might be qualifying as some sort of Wagnerian,

[7:27] what is it?

[7:28] What is it?

[7:29] The complete artwork.

[7:30] That's, I forget my pronunciation, I'm sure it's terrible.

[7:33] This is edging towards that and there's a real use of leitmotifs in the fact that every

[7:40] time you see Wonder Woman, the same exact piece of music plays, like this is the departed

[7:45] and just hitting that dropkick Murphy's needle drop every single time.

[7:48] Well, yeah, and watching it with subtitles, because, you know, I like doing that, because

[7:55] I was hitting the treadmill while I was doing it, which I feel like Zack Snyder would approve

[7:59] of.

[8:00] Also, you kind of need it.

[8:01] You kind of need it.

[8:02] We were watching it and we went like 15 minutes in and then Audrey just like with a pleading

[8:07] voice, like, can we turn the subtitles on, because there's a lot of muttering in it.

[8:11] I need to know if an ancient lamentation is playing.

[8:15] Yeah, exactly.

[8:16] You know what, Elliot, I think that you and I actually, I don't want to spoil anything,

[8:22] our thinking might be simpatico on this movie, but I also have a theory, but I'll save it

[8:27] for later.

[8:28] It's not.

[8:29] Okay.

[8:30] Can't wait to hear Dan's theory.

[8:31] That's an official.

[8:32] That's like a foreshadow of what's going to happen.

[8:33] It's not so much a theory, but we'll see.

[8:35] Part one.

[8:36] It turns out your theory is that brontosauruses are very narrow at one end, very much, much

[8:40] wider in the middle and then very narrow again at the other end.

[8:44] Yeah.

[8:45] I feel like brontosauruses are, who is the stock model for Gildan brand t-shirts?

[8:50] Elliot, I can't, the only reason I can't give you a wedgie right now, besides social distancing

[8:56] and the fact that, and literal distancing, is that I knew what you were referencing.

[9:01] So if you got that reference, then you do not deserve to give me a wedgie, sir.

[9:05] Yeah, I'm implicated in it as well.

[9:06] Okay.

[9:07] Part one.

[9:08] Part one is titled, don't count on it, Batman.

[9:13] So this cut of Justice League, rather than a big...

[9:17] So that's referring to the scene where Batman receives a broken calculator.

[9:19] Yeah.

[9:20] Or canabicus.

[9:21] Don't, don't, don't count on this.

[9:23] There's some beads missing.

[9:25] So, unlike the theatrical cut of Justice League, which I believe started with more of sort of

[9:32] an info dump of Steppenwolf nonsense and hypercubes or whatever the fuck they're called.

[9:40] Mother boxes.

[9:41] Mother boxes.

[9:43] That phrase a thousand times in the movie.

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:45] Whatever.

[9:46] I mean, they don't mention it that much in this cut because they're like, you don't understand?

[9:49] Who cares?

[9:50] Like, that's kind of the exact...

[9:52] I am slightly nervous of this summary now.

[9:55] No, no, no.

[9:56] I mean, ironically, and we'll get to it.

[9:57] I feel like this movie lays out the information much more clearly.

[10:00] by then the first movie.

[10:03] I kind of agree, but then I also have a... this ties into what I was going to say.

[10:07] Anyway, don't count on it, Batman. Superman, in this cut of it,

[10:11] it begins with Superman dying, as he did at the beginning of, what, Batman vs. Superman,

[10:16] Dawn of Justice, or End of...

[10:17] Yes, End of it, yeah.

[10:19] Now, Dan, is this in regular Moe, or is it in fast Moe?

[10:24] This is in the slowest Moe that you can...

[10:27] Oh, glacial Moe.

[10:29] Yeah, you get regular Moe from The Simpsons, and you're like,

[10:32] can we turn him down like eight notches?

[10:36] Pump the brakes, please.

[10:37] And we see Superman, he dies so loud that everyone across the world hears it.

[10:42] Just like his death scream goes all over the place.

[10:46] Yeah, it's like, whoa!

[10:48] Yeah, exactly.

[10:50] It's like when, in The Mummy, when he's running away from the sun,

[10:56] you can see the sound waves traveling across the world.

[10:59] Oh, man, remember The Mummy, guys?

[11:01] What a movie.

[11:02] What a movie.

[11:04] People, you know, such luminaries as Cyborg hear it, and it also wakes up...

[11:09] Just for the record, just for the record,

[11:10] he does not outrace the sun in the first Mummy movie.

[11:12] It's in one of the Mummy sequels.

[11:14] Yeah, I think that was in Mummy 2.

[11:16] Important, yeah.

[11:17] It's not, I don't think it's the Dragon Emperor's Tomb 1.

[11:19] That's part three.

[11:20] Yeah, okay.

[11:21] So Cyborg hears it.

[11:23] Yeah, Cyborg hears it.

[11:24] It wakes up one of these mother boxes.

[11:28] That'll be important later.

[11:29] Anyway, meanwhile, Bruce.

[11:31] What's up with Bruce Wayne?

[11:32] Everyone's favorite billionaire.

[11:35] He is going to...

[11:37] He goes to the mountains in this house on the sea.

[11:41] He's asking about a guy who comes and he feeds everyone fish,

[11:45] but they don't want to tell him where he is.

[11:47] But one of them is Aquaman.

[11:50] We know this because we've seen the other version of Justice League.

[11:53] We've seen Aquaman by now.

[11:55] And you've seen the posters that have Jason Momoa as Aquaman.

[12:00] And so...

[12:01] And he's like a rough and tumble dude, right?

[12:03] He's just like, man, whatever.

[12:05] Nobody can pin me down.

[12:08] I'm the protector of the seas, maybe.

[12:10] Well, like Thor in the last Avengers movie,

[12:12] where he's wasted all the time.

[12:14] That's Aquaman in this movie.

[12:16] Yeah.

[12:17] So the bottom of the barrel version of Thor is Aquaman.

[12:20] But he's so fucking cut up, dude.

[12:22] Jesus Christ.

[12:23] Such good shape.

[12:24] Oh, my God.

[12:24] I just couldn't stop looking at this.

[12:26] Abs.

[12:26] At one point, he takes his fucking tank top off to go swimming.

[12:29] And I'm like, but he's wearing jeans to swim.

[12:32] That's fucking crazy.

[12:33] That is one of my major problems with the movie.

[12:36] I mean, the fact also that...

[12:37] He's taking his shirt off, but not his jeans to swim.

[12:41] Because you want to see what's under there.

[12:42] Yeah, come on.

[12:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[12:44] Because he also...

[12:45] That he doesn't swim so much as flies through the water.

[12:47] That bothered me more.

[12:48] Because I'm like, how is he creating traction?

[12:50] It also bothered Namor.

[12:52] Yeah.

[12:54] Namor's like, use the little wings on your ankles.

[12:56] This is the dumbest thing in the world.

[12:59] But I like Namor more than Aquaman.

[13:01] I know it's a dumb thing to bring up on this stupid podcast we do.

[13:04] But I like Namor a lot.

[13:05] He's a cool weird jerk.

[13:06] A thousand percent.

[13:07] Namor's great.

[13:08] Namor is what...

[13:09] Here's the...

[13:09] Okay, this is not related to Justice League at all.

[13:11] But the thing about Namor that I love is, one, he is a total jerk.

[13:16] But he's a total jerk for a reason, which is why...

[13:19] Literally, his kingdom's been destroyed by the surface world.

[13:22] Why should he not dislike and be an arrogant jerk to the surface world?

[13:25] Why not?

[13:26] You know?

[13:26] And he also is trying to steal Sue Storm away from Reed Richards, like...

[13:30] Who's also kind of a jerk, by the way?

[13:32] Randy Savage.

[13:33] Reed Boo, which one?

[13:34] Oh, yeah, of course.

[13:35] He deserves it.

[13:36] Reed Richards...

[13:37] Reed Richards is...

[13:38] Here's the thing.

[13:39] Namor is a jerk, and he knows he's a jerk.

[13:41] Reed Richards is a jerk, but he thinks he's a nice guy.

[13:43] So Namor, he's a jerk who knows he's a jerk.

[13:45] Reed Richards is a jerk who thinks he's a nice guy, which is kind of worse.

[13:48] That's the worst kind.

[13:49] You've got a promising young woman, Reed Richards.

[13:51] Teach him a lesson.

[13:52] Okay, Dan.

[13:53] So Aquaman, he gets asked to be in the Justice League.

[13:55] Does he say yes or no?

[13:57] Well, yeah, you know, they have a cutesy scene where they pretend like,

[14:01] oh, Aquaman, Bruce pretends he doesn't already know this guy's Aquaman.

[14:05] Aquaman's pretending he's not Aquaman.

[14:08] You know, they're in Iceland.

[14:09] Aquaman has a great brown sweater.

[14:12] He looks great.

[14:13] Like, you just want to bury your fucking face in that shirt.

[14:15] Well, as a woman does later on while singing in Icelandics.

[14:19] But yeah, Aquaman's like, I don't know anyone, anything.

[14:23] And he goes into the water and the women sing in Icelandic for a long time.

[14:28] Because this is the Zack Snyder cut.

[14:31] For a long time.

[14:32] It is a long time.

[14:33] Now, I hate to pump the brakes, guys, but we've talked about how there's chapter titles.

[14:39] But there's also something specific about this movie.

[14:41] That's right.

[14:42] Just like First Cow, it's shot like it's in a square box, right?

[14:46] To preserve Zack Snyder's artistic integrity.

[14:48] It's what, shot in 4.3?

[14:50] It's 4.3.

[14:51] This is the thing that does not bother me.

[14:52] There is no natural format for movies.

[14:55] No, it's fine.

[14:56] I'm just joking around.

[14:57] Yeah, yeah.

[14:57] But it is an interesting choice for what would normally be kind of like a big widescreen movie.

[15:02] Here, but I'm going to mention.

[15:03] This was all going to be IMAX, right?

[15:04] This was, that was the point.

[15:05] This is 4.3 because of the IMAX reason.

[15:08] Yeah, anyway.

[15:08] Is that why First Cow was shot like that?

[15:10] Yeah.

[15:11] Yes, because First Cow was meant to be for IMAX.

[15:13] And then COVID, the theaters all shut down.

[15:15] Look at how big those cakes are.

[15:18] Oh man, give me them cakes.

[15:20] Can you fucking feel them?

[15:22] So just looking at our Craymaster listings, some women singing an Icelandic dirge as one

[15:28] of them buries her face in a superhero's sweater, that's pretty damn Craymastery.

[15:33] And also the fact that, how long is that Superman death sequence?

[15:37] Bruce Wayne doesn't get to that village until like eight and a half minutes into the movie,

[15:41] which is crazy.

[15:43] Almost nothing happens in the movie that we haven't seen before for the first eight minutes.

[15:48] Yeah.

[15:48] And those women singing an Icelandic, that's like the nymphs singing Rheingold, dude.

[15:52] It's the same thing.

[15:54] Very much so.

[15:55] Wow, this is like a regular lipstick traces right here.

[15:57] We're finding links for art throughout the generations, you know, centuries.

[16:01] Who says we're not real critics?

[16:02] Anyway, so Superman's mom is visiting his grave.

[16:06] Everyone's sad about Superman.

[16:08] She's moving out of her house just for clothes.

[16:11] Jeez, moving out.

[16:14] Yeah, Lois is sad as well.

[16:16] She was engaged to Superman, but he's dead.

[16:19] Everyone's sad.

[16:21] Cut to London.

[16:23] This is when I started wondering, I was like,

[16:26] did Zack Snyder ever fill out a top 10 sight and sound list of the best movies ever?

[16:32] And if so, where is the November rain video on that list?

[16:36] That's a good point because even God is sad because it's crying at Superman's grave.

[16:41] It seems like that's his biggest influence for these scenes.

[16:45] You know what?

[16:45] If in the middle of Justice League Slash left a church to do a really long guitar solo,

[16:51] it would not be out of place.

[16:54] Or if some dude just jumped through a cake for no reason.

[16:58] I mean, we haven't watched the second half.

[17:00] It's possible someone jumps through a cake.

[17:01] We get some good hot dog action.

[17:03] I feel like if we put a cake in front of fucking Steppenwolf, he's diving through that thing.

[17:07] There's no way.

[17:08] There's no way he's not.

[17:10] He's got a head made for parting cakes.

[17:12] I mean, he's also like so stressed at work.

[17:14] Like he has to please his boss.

[17:16] He wants that cake.

[17:17] Yeah, that is not an easy boss to please from what I can tell.

[17:20] I mean, I haven't met Darkseid, but I have seen him as an obelisk shaped into the form of Darkseid.

[17:26] And he does not seem cool.

[17:28] And he also seems kind of boring.

[17:29] But we'll talk about that later.

[17:32] And he's also the kind of invader, as we'll see, who goes to the place where the other army is

[17:37] and just tries to defeat them in a hand-to-hand combat rather than bombing them from the skies,

[17:42] which is a strange choice when you have spaceships and they have horses.

[17:45] But Dan, continue.

[17:46] So we are now in London.

[17:49] There's a hostage situation.

[17:52] There's like schoolgirls taken hostage.

[17:54] There's men with suitcases and papers flying everywhere, a real hullabaloo and Wonder Woman.

[18:01] Guys, I had a question.

[18:02] Is it made clear or did you recognize what this building is?

[18:07] I was not clear on it, no.

[18:09] It seems like there's some kind of bank or government building.

[18:12] But if it's a bank, why are schoolchildren on a tour of it?

[18:15] If it's a government building, why is there no security?

[18:18] So it's a building that exists only to be attacked by these guys so Wonder Woman can save them

[18:23] because she happens to be hanging out on a statue nearby.

[18:26] Yeah.

[18:27] If that's a real statue, then I would say that building is a building that is near that big statue.

[18:34] That enormous gold statue of Lady Justice.

[18:37] Of Lady Justice holding her arms out straight so that Wonder Woman can be standing on top

[18:41] of one of the arms in a shot that honestly made me laugh out loud when I saw it.

[18:45] Not because there's anything inherently bad about it in a superhero movie.

[18:50] It was just such a silly reveal, it felt like.

[18:53] Oh, no.

[18:54] The thing with Wonder Woman is everything about her is super on the nose in this movie.

[18:57] Like if she's going to hang out anywhere, it's going to be on the arm of a statue of Lady Justice.

[19:01] There's a part where a girl asks her, can I be like you when I grow up?

[19:04] And she goes, you can be anything you want to be.

[19:06] And later, Steppenwolf goes, this one's mine.

[19:08] And she goes, I don't belong to anybody.

[19:10] And it was just like Wonder Woman feels more like an idea of a Wonder Woman than a human being a lot

[19:15] of the time.

[19:16] And I got to give credit to Gal Gadot for bringing that idea to as much life as it has.

[19:19] But again, this is a metaphorical movie.

[19:21] It is not meant to be a representation of reality.

[19:23] This is the Craymaster Cycle or the Nibelung Guide.

[19:25] So it's OK for her to be on that statue and just be a walking kind of you-go-girl power woman.

[19:32] But not power woman who is a different character.

[19:35] Yeah.

[19:36] Well, anyway, so we got your Wonder Woman.

[19:39] She's been introduced in the movie.

[19:41] And she leaps into action.

[19:45] She lassoes one of these terrorists with her lasso that makes you tell the truth.

[19:49] Although this guy is still like pretty cagey.

[19:52] First of all, he's like, wouldn't you like to know?

[19:54] Like, basically, it's just like, you know, I figured that the lasso would be more effective.

[19:58] But also he calls himself.

[20:00] a reactionary terrorist which seems like

[20:03] that seems like a villain knowing that he is the bad guy

[20:07] uh... he also says he's like we'd like to turn the clock back a thousand years

[20:11] and it's like then why are you all wearing suits and hats

[20:13] like yeah it yeah you're dressed like it's the fifties

[20:17] yeah shouldn't you be dressed like it's like uh...

[20:20] larping or something yeah i mean they should be they should be a big crowd of

[20:23] q shamans but again that hadn't happened yet zack snyder can't tell the future

[20:27] everybody that's true

[20:28] well anyway um... so yeah so we get an action sequence here and it's a little

[20:32] uh...

[20:33] it i mean i think this is telling in it you're gonna see this more throughout

[20:36] the movie

[20:37] but like wonder woman in the process of saving people

[20:42] destroys as much shit as possible

[20:44] she like breaks everything that is possible it's like it's like firefighters

[20:48] show up to like a stovetop fire and they're like well we have this buzzsaw

[20:52] in our fucking truck i'm gonna buzzsaw your door down

[20:55] that's definitely my issue with this fight sequence which is a lot of like

[20:59] slow motion her like

[21:00] you know like ricocheting bullets with her uh... her bracelets but like

[21:05] yeah she like does that one at a time rather than taking out the dude with the

[21:09] gun yeah she's much more interested in showing off how good she is with her

[21:12] bracelets than in diffusing the situation quickly and then instead of

[21:16] just like tackling that guy with her like

[21:19] she seems to be almost as fast as the flash honestly if you know if not as

[21:24] instead of just like tackling the dude

[21:26] she uh... mashes those bracelets together to do like a sonic boom that blows out

[21:31] the building and she's like uh...

[21:33] come on wonder woman

[21:34] i'm gonna defend that

[21:35] and i'm also going to criticize it

[21:37] i'm going to defend it by saying one they've got to show that she has that power

[21:40] and two

[21:41] she doesn't come from man's world she prizes life over physical objects so she

[21:45] has to destroy say

[21:47] a historic french church to take out one sniper in the wonder woman movie

[21:51] she's going to do that

[21:52] here's a criticism

[21:54] she's an archaeologist so if anyone would not want to destroy physical

[21:58] objects it is her

[21:59] so there's a real tension at the heart of wonder woman

[22:02] and that her whole career is about the preservation of ancient artifacts and

[22:06] her superhero career is about the destruction of modern artifacts as much as possible

[22:10] well anyway she saves everyone a little girl is like can i be like you someday

[22:15] and instead of uh... telling her the truth which is no you can't i'm a

[22:19] literal superhero you can't be like she has a like raptor wrap the fucking lasso

[22:24] of hestia around herself yeah she's like you can be whatever you want

[22:29] then the next the next scene is that girl tying a cape to her neck and jumping

[22:33] off a building and breaking her legs

[22:36] oh no they should have rated the movie R

[22:38] and wonder woman is like you can't sue me

[22:40] i just said she could be anything she wants

[22:43] uh... so anyway we're on the i guess the the amazon island i can't remember the

[22:48] name themyscira themyscira we're on themyscira

[22:52] and the mother bikes that we saw get cracked uh... from superman dying

[22:57] uh... there are you know amazons are protecting it we got some of those flying

[23:01] robots you might remember from

[23:03] justice league those are parademons so to use some technical terms a boom tube

[23:08] opens up

[23:09] from apocalypse we don't know it's from apocalypse yet

[23:12] it's not what you call your wiener dan

[23:14] so stop laughing no it's what you call your colon and your rectum a boom tube is what you call your rectum

[23:20] yeah

[23:22] uh... and uh... a bunch of those parademons come out and who's with them uh oh

[23:26] steppenwolf that's right the band and they are ready to jam

[23:30] i gotta say guys if ever a movie deserve this tagline i think here evil gets an

[23:35] upgrade jason x in theaters everywhere well i agree with you stewart even though you're saying

[23:41] nonsense ironically

[23:43] which is that like that's my whole fucking thing steppenwolf in this movie

[23:49] looks so much better than he does in the original justice league in my I think

[23:53] that he looks like such a dumb he has non-stop rippling fractal

[23:58] armor as opposed to just a dude with a big head in the first movie yeah i think it looks great

[24:03] so yeah he looks he looks like uh... he looks kinda like the shrike from the

[24:07] hyperion books yeah he does look like the shrike or like he's like the shrike

[24:12] mixed with the destroyer from uh... from thor

[24:14] yeah yeah and later on he has this cool little buddy that's like a little spider that comes

[24:19] out of his armor and like

[24:20] i mean it's weird that like

[24:21] that seems like his only clothes like even the loincloth is made out of the

[24:25] rippling blade shit which is like it's bonkers man again it's metaphorical stewart it's not like he

[24:30] changes clothes he's uh... he's the metaphorical

[24:33] uh... depiction of both evil and also disappointing disappointing your father

[24:37] here's the two things he represents

[24:39] so anyway again so i assume he's i haven't seen him yet i assume he's darkseid's son in this

[24:44] because if he's not

[24:45] why would you use steppenwolf and not calaback darkseid's actual son meet me

[24:50] in the second half or i'm going to talk more about calaback okay

[24:52] dan continue

[24:53] uh... yeah so they're trying to protect this uh... mother box for reasons that

[24:58] uh...

[24:59] presumably no one understands if you haven't already seen the original cut of

[25:03] justice league uh...

[25:05] other than knowing that every movie has a mcguffin uh... so they're like the

[25:08] amazons are throwing it around and running away with it on horses and like

[25:12] there's a scene where one of the amazons

[25:14] is carrying this like

[25:16] stone cube and i know they're supposed to be super strong so i'm not sure how

[25:21] the actors should have played it but it still looks like they're carrying like

[25:24] a styrofoam prop like there's no weight to it

[25:27] yeah i feel like this scene is more exciting in this cut than it was in the

[25:31] original i don't remember the original

[25:33] though in both cases i think it would have been much more exciting if they

[25:36] were riding in barrels down a river

[25:39] what do you think? what if an elf maybe was jumping from barrel to barrel?

[25:44] if there was an elf jumping everywhere

[25:46] or a troll and it was dark out so he didn't turn to stone

[25:50] and instead of the parademons attacking what if they sang a song while

[25:53] throwing dishes about in a whimsical manner? jesus christ ellie you're giving me a fucking boner

[26:01] you gotta cut it out dude

[26:04] this is a much more coherent

[26:07] action sequence and there's a fake out where you think that they defeated the

[26:10] bad guy for a moment but then it turns out they didn't

[26:12] but uh... it is a uh...

[26:14] it's a lot of uh... and i'm not saying this there's anything wrong with this if

[26:17] this is something you like watching in movies

[26:19] there's a lot of scenes of women

[26:20] screaming as they either lift things or hurl things just tons of

[26:25] close-ups of women just screaming at the camera while they lift or hurl

[26:28] and it wouldn't bother me as much except there's so much of it in this movie

[26:32] there's so much close-ups of people screaming at you

[26:35] uh... well anyway so Steppenwolf takes the first mother box

[26:40] oh boy he's got number one of mcguffin city

[26:45] and uh... the amazons need to warn everyone else that bad times are coming

[26:51] and that leads us into part two

[26:53] age of heroes

[26:57] uh... how do they warn everybody

[27:00] in a scene

[27:03] okay uh... so they warn everybody by uh... i'm going to jump ahead because it

[27:07] doesn't matter the exact order on this

[27:09] uh... they warn everybody in a scene

[27:11] where they have to light uh... ancient temple on fire again because they gotta

[27:16] get uh... wonder woman's attention

[27:18] uh... and you know what it did was it made me think about how great that

[27:21] sequence in return of the king is

[27:23] when they have to fucking light the fires and howard shore's impeccable score

[27:28] fucking swells and you're like i believe in hope and love again

[27:32] humanity can unite

[27:34] wasn't that the sequel to mr. mcgorriam's wonder emporium howard shore's

[27:37] impeccable score

[27:39] yeah

[27:41] so uh...

[27:43] so steppenwolf to to to fill in just some of the stuff that's passed by

[27:46] steppenwolf makes his headquarters in chernobyl

[27:48] uh...

[27:49] and he's like if i get the rest of the boxes then my boss will like me again

[27:53] yeah

[27:53] and bruce wayne is looking for the flash with the caddiest alfred in all of

[27:58] the film and television alfred's that's right jeremy irons because he's like

[28:02] we gotta find more heroes and jeremy irons is like do we have to

[28:05] i don't want to

[28:07] so let's let's take a look at alfred's for a second we got michael caine of

[28:10] course

[28:11] we got jeremy irons

[28:14] we got uh... who's that sean pertwee who's the guy is it sean pertwee in

[28:18] gotham

[28:19] is alfred pennyworth uh... i don't remember

[28:22] who's alfred in the tv show pennyworth dan

[28:25] i don't think i've ever

[28:28] who's alfred in the tv show the adam west tv show

[28:31] oh i don't know

[28:33] that was ok so here we go michael goe or gal is in the

[28:37] tim burton ones

[28:38] i'm going to screen rant and their ranking of every adaptation of

[28:42] alfred pennyworth ranks

[28:44] uh... let's see yeah sean pertwee is in gotham

[28:48] uh... let's see there's william osler who played alfred in a 1940s serial

[28:52] alan napier that's right who played alfred in the batman tv series

[28:56] this is the adam west one

[28:58] stewart were you just trying to show

[29:01] they're ranked in cattiness right

[29:03] stewart were you just trying to show off

[29:05] by showing how many alfreds you did know

[29:08] i did pretty good though right i knew jordan pertwee

[29:12] you know i didn't realize that efrem zimbalist jr. did the voice of alfred on

[29:15] batman the animated series huh

[29:18] and of course there's michael goe or gal who was uh... in the tim burton and

[29:22] following batman movies uh... there's a lot of alfreds

[29:25] michael cain of course

[29:27] uh... a lot of alfreds

[29:29] a whole lot of alfreds going on

[29:31] yeah okay well

[29:32] let's just come on let's get back to the long long long movie

[29:37] there's a parademon that's looking for something at star labs and yeah and the

[29:41] amazons need to get one roman's attention so instead of calling her

[29:45] they shoot an ancient arrow

[29:47] of fire at a temple and hope and she finds out about it

[29:52] because she sees it on the tv later so it's not even like it's a special place

[29:55] she's paying attention to

[29:56] i understand that you're living on the special amazon island but have like

[30:00] One phone, just have one phone for emergencies

[30:03] where you can call Diana directly

[30:05] rather than like shooting an arrow

[30:08] and hoping that she sees on TV.

[30:11] Because I mean, they didn't even have

[30:12] that Howard Shore score, so like,

[30:14] you can't be sure that you're gonna capture her attention.

[30:17] Yeah, because that's what she was listening to

[30:19] on her headphones when she's busy, you know,

[30:23] fixing whatever artifact she's looking at at the moment.

[30:25] Yeah, she's preparing for RPG night that night.

[30:28] I feel like that's like the hidden story

[30:30] because they make a joke about how nobody knows

[30:32] what she does when she's not at work.

[30:34] I feel like she's got a very active, like,

[30:36] like, like Zoom RPG life.

[30:41] She's the guy who has that photograph online

[30:43] of his Lola Bunny collection,

[30:45] where it's just every Lola Bunny merchandise

[30:46] in a room somewhere.

[30:47] That's what she spends her life on.

[30:48] I can't believe you're talking about Dan like this

[30:50] and you don't even call him by name.

[30:51] Anyway, so we're back in that science building.

[30:54] We're trying to see- Star Labs.

[30:56] We're trying to see what the Parademons stole.

[30:58] You see Joe Morton.

[30:59] He's the scientist there.

[31:01] Didn't learn his lesson from Terminator.

[31:04] Yeah.

[31:04] Dr. Silas Stone, he's, you know,

[31:06] when you're talking, when you see him in a movie,

[31:07] you know that he is up to some bad science

[31:10] that he means good with, but it's gonna turn out bad.

[31:12] Yeah, so, so they're like,

[31:15] the people are like looking for the mother box.

[31:18] They're like, what was this looking for?

[31:19] The mother, the box that it was in was empty.

[31:22] So they're like trying to say like,

[31:23] oh, like, what was he looking for?

[31:25] He's looking for something that was stolen already.

[31:27] And the Parademons kidnapped a bunch of employees

[31:30] to find out if they knew where the mother box was.

[31:32] Yeah, and there's a funny scene where the cops like-

[31:35] No, you're saying that-

[31:36] What?

[31:37] There's a scene where the cops like,

[31:38] what do you guys do here?

[31:40] And he's like, oh, we study alien technologies.

[31:42] But you see them in a big sweeping shot at the outside

[31:44] and the whole like roof of the complex is open.

[31:48] Like this alien ship is on perfect view for all.

[31:53] So I don't know why this is a big secret.

[31:56] I just think it's interesting that you're storing a box

[31:58] in another box.

[31:59] I think it's just kind of weird, right?

[32:01] Well, I mean, is it weird?

[32:03] It seems like the most efficient kind of storage.

[32:06] To be honest, of all the ways that mother boxes

[32:08] are hidden from dark side sight in this movie,

[32:11] that was the best of them,

[32:12] considering both the Amazons and the Atlanteans

[32:14] put theirs on displays prominently on pedestals

[32:17] in the middle of open rooms.

[32:19] And the Atlantean one, as we'll see,

[32:21] just has big open archways to the endless ocean.

[32:24] Like you could just walk in and take that mother box,

[32:26] which Steppenwolf eventually does.

[32:28] So at least the humans are putting it in a box.

[32:30] I mean, previously before that though,

[32:32] they just like buried it in the fucking ground.

[32:35] That was ridiculous in the shallowest grave.

[32:37] Like a raccoon could dig that up.

[32:40] It wasn't even like, let alone a treasure hunter.

[32:42] That's like the grave you dig for your enemy

[32:44] that you wanna be found.

[32:46] Yeah.

[32:47] So Dan, who has that mother box though, as we see?

[32:49] Well, Joe Morton has taken it home to fix his,

[32:53] I mean, we'll find out later.

[32:54] It's for Cyborg, his son.

[32:56] It's a way that he has brought his son to life

[33:02] in the form of this Cyborg being.

[33:07] Yeah, he was like, mother box or pet cemetery,

[33:09] I guess I only have access to one of those two things,

[33:11] so I'm gonna use it.

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:14] So-

[33:14] Which of these can I write off as a business expense?

[33:17] That's true.

[33:18] Pet cemetery, they're gonna catch you

[33:19] because if it's filled with an S,

[33:21] they're like, some kid wrote this.

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:25] So, but Dan, okay, Wonder Woman,

[33:26] it's time for her to find that beacon arrow.

[33:28] She's just gonna walk into an arson scene,

[33:30] an ongoing arson investigation and no one stops her, right?

[33:33] This is the problem with this arrow scenario

[33:35] because she goes in, there's no one at this arson,

[33:38] like this is on the news that there's arson

[33:41] at this important site.

[33:43] She finds the arrow that would have been taken

[33:45] presumably as evidence and she takes it

[33:48] and she puts it in an arrow-shaped hole on the wall

[33:50] so she can get a secret room

[33:53] where she can learn all sorts of important exposition

[33:56] and it's like-

[33:57] That's some fucking mummy shit, dude.

[33:59] This is like stuff that only works by movie logic

[34:02] because it's like-

[34:03] Again, it's not real life, this is movie life.

[34:07] The world only exists for these characters

[34:09] to achieve their superhero existences.

[34:14] The cosmos was created by a god who said,

[34:16] I wanna see some superheroes fighting some super baddies

[34:19] and so he created billions of years of evolution

[34:23] and cosmic, whatever, cosmic slop

[34:26] to get to that point in history

[34:27] where Wonder Woman could pick up this arrow

[34:29] that was meant for her, stick it in a wall slot

[34:31] and get some amazing-

[34:32] Like she's in a LucasArts adventure game.

[34:35] Yeah, fucking Nathan Drake is like,

[34:38] oh my God, it's so easy to find.

[34:40] I was hanging from a ledge for like 10 minutes.

[34:43] And this, yeah, not quite even Sam and Max

[34:47] hit the road level difficulty in this puzzle.

[34:50] And so she can see all these paintings

[34:52] of ancient parademons and dark sides and stuff like that.

[34:54] Yeah.

[34:55] Now, is that how she learns all about this shit?

[34:56] Cause she's gonna explain the whole deal

[34:58] to Bruce Wayne in a little bit.

[35:00] Is this how she learns it all

[35:01] or did she like grow up with this info?

[35:03] Like, cause if she learned all this shit

[35:05] from just like fucking freezes and shit, like that's wild.

[35:09] I mean, one, she is an archeologist

[35:12] but that's a good point.

[35:13] I don't know.

[35:14] This is one of those things

[35:15] where it is the biggest danger facing the entire earth

[35:18] and yet it has been kept a secret for thousands of years.

[35:21] So I don't know if they told her or not.

[35:22] The Amazons all seem to know that the mother box

[35:24] is important and they've got to protect it,

[35:26] which is why it's again on a pedestal

[35:27] in the middle of an open room

[35:29] with a big open door in a cave.

[35:31] I take it as this is a story that all the Amazons know

[35:35] and the fact that now she is like

[35:37] getting the key to this thing.

[35:38] She realizes like the danger is upon us,

[35:41] but that's just me, my brain trying to like

[35:44] rationalize the movie.

[35:45] I do like that.

[35:46] They're like, we are going to hide this thing.

[35:48] So we're going to put it on a pedestal

[35:50] in the middle of a room so it can be easily stolen.

[35:52] And we're going to hire people whose only job

[35:55] is to stand next to a piece of wood

[35:57] and they're going to blast it with a giant sledgehammer

[36:00] when somebody steals it.

[36:02] Yeah, that was, it's not the most efficient way

[36:04] to protect a thing.

[36:05] Now, Dan, this is a useless thing to just-

[36:06] And like, who would take that job?

[36:07] It's crazy.

[36:08] I mean, in the Amazons, I think you're kind of,

[36:10] I think you're voluntold to do things.

[36:12] I don't think you apply for the positions.

[36:14] I think the queen of the Amazons is just like,

[36:15] hey, guess what?

[36:16] You stand here your whole life

[36:17] in case we need you to hit that thing with a sledgehammer

[36:20] to close this gate, which you will be stuck behind

[36:22] and you will die in the cave.

[36:23] And that's the thing, like after, when you get that job,

[36:26] you're like just itching to blast that thing

[36:28] because you're like, you've trained your whole life

[36:29] to blast that piece of wood with your sledgehammer.

[36:32] And even though you know it's probably

[36:33] not the right thing for you, you're like,

[36:34] well, that's what I've been trained to do.

[36:35] So I'm going to do it.

[36:36] Think about how many centuries of Amazonians

[36:38] have just stood there their whole lives.

[36:41] Never hitting that thing.

[36:42] Oh man.

[36:43] Now, Dan, this is, again, this is a nonsense tangent.

[36:44] Dan, just because you said, this is a story.

[36:46] I want, I imagine that when,

[36:48] when a woman explains all this,

[36:49] she did it in the form of a parody

[36:50] of the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

[36:53] And I think it would go a little bit like this.

[36:56] This is a story all about how the earth got switched

[36:59] turned upside down.

[37:00] I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there.

[37:01] I'll tell you all about Darkseid and his power demons

[37:04] and the anti-life equation.

[37:05] I thought you were going to go in the direction of,

[37:06] this is the story of a world.

[37:09] I can't go any further than that.

[37:11] For the best.

[37:12] Okay.

[37:13] So there's a boat crash.

[37:15] Aquaman saves someone.

[37:16] You know, this is not really important.

[37:18] It's just showing Aquaman doing stuff.

[37:20] Aquaman saves a man's life

[37:21] and then he is such a dick about it.

[37:23] He's like, hey, stay out of the storm, douche.

[37:26] Yeah.

[37:27] And then, and then he,

[37:28] but then he walks into some sea foam.

[37:30] It's super emo.

[37:31] Nick Cave of the Bad Seeds play.

[37:33] Slow-mo, slow-mo, emo, FOMO.

[37:37] Really, the Bad Cave is the one that the Amazons

[37:39] keep that, keep that mother box in

[37:41] because it crumbles like instantly.

[37:42] Yeah.

[37:43] So Aquaman swims down.

[37:46] For a second I thought the band was called

[37:47] Nick Cave and the Bad Caves, which is crazy.

[37:49] I know it's not called that.

[37:52] Anyway, Aquaman, anyway, Nick Cave swims to the,

[37:56] goes to Atlantis to reclaim his throne.

[37:59] He's like, and they're like,

[38:00] they're like Nick Cave, you're meant to be king of Atlantis.

[38:02] And he's like,

[38:03] but someone's got to sing these murder ballads.

[38:05] Fuck, did we just write the perfect movie?

[38:11] Anyway, so Aquaman swims down,

[38:13] he sees his old trident, you know,

[38:16] Volko shows up, that's Willem Dafoe.

[38:20] Let's just call him Willem Dafoe.

[38:22] Sea dog, Willem Dafoe from the lighthouse.

[38:25] I guess reprising his role from the lighthouse.

[38:26] Yeah.

[38:27] Yeah.

[38:30] So they're talking in an air bubble, by the way,

[38:33] which is something that was established by Zack Snyder,

[38:36] but then forgotten in Aquaman, but they're chatting.

[38:39] I'll tell you why it was forgotten in Aquaman,

[38:41] because it is stupid.

[38:42] Yeah.

[38:42] For a race of beings that live underwater,

[38:44] a medium that transmits sound very well,

[38:46] whale sounds can be heard around the world,

[38:48] to have to create air bubbles

[38:50] every time they want to have a conversation.

[38:52] So every time, so imagine you've got your headphones on,

[38:56] your significant other is standing

[38:57] in the other side of the room.

[38:58] Maybe you're doing the dishes

[38:59] and they're looking at something on the computer.

[39:00] They go, hey, is it okay for me to go

[39:03] make this appointment for Wednesday?

[39:04] And you go, what?

[39:05] And you create an air bubble.

[39:07] And she says, oh, I just did for Wednesday.

[39:09] Like you need to do an air bubble every single time

[39:11] there's something like that.

[39:12] And you're like, ah, I need the whole sentence.

[39:15] I, you know, just repeating for Wednesday,

[39:17] I don't know what you're,

[39:18] it's, you know, like there's so many divorces

[39:20] underneath the water just because of the.

[39:22] Yeah.

[39:23] You would think that they would be,

[39:24] that they would develop like elaborate,

[39:26] like sign language or hand gestures,

[39:27] like, or just like gestures in general,

[39:30] like the belters and the expanse series.

[39:32] It's, there's something about,

[39:33] I remember watching a little bit of the Aquaman movie

[39:35] and just thinking about what a folly it is

[39:37] to set a movie underwater where every single character

[39:40] will constantly need CGI to,

[39:42] for their hair and clothes to move in the water.

[39:44] It's so unnecessarily, like it's such a huge thing forever.

[39:47] It's as dumb as having to erase Henry Cavill's mustache

[39:50] for this very movie.

[39:51] We haven't even got there yet.

[39:53] We haven't even gotten there yet.

[39:53] Okay, so Willem Dafoe's like, you're meant to be king.

[39:55] And Aquaman's like, no, don't wanna.

[39:57] Yeah.

[39:58] Meanwhile, Steppenwolf.

[40:00] bucks to uh... decide is that

[40:02] this is decide when the comics is dark sides kind of chief torturer

[40:07] he's one of dark sides right hand man and he's going to tortures information

[40:10] of people

[40:10] there's a great scene in the forever people not not granny goodness of a

[40:14] granny goodness granny goodness is the leader of the female furies and she

[40:17] teaches

[40:18] she she kind of indoctrinates the young of apocalypse okay uh... which is the

[40:22] the planet that dark side rules

[40:24] uh... in the ways of dark side

[40:26] when there's a great scene in the comic the forever people where

[40:28] the forever people have been kidnapped by decide and they're being tortured

[40:31] but they're but his headquarters is inside of a disneyland type theme park

[40:35] and so everybody who sees them screaming assumes that they are like enjoying the

[40:38] ride that they're on

[40:39] but anyway

[40:39] so that you decide is kind of like uh... dark sides major domo

[40:43] yeah and i i i like the

[40:45] affect they have for him he's sort of like a cutback a constantly melting

[40:49] piece of like

[40:50] of rock that he's building a magma or

[40:53] i don't know if i'm using the right

[40:54] words geologically but he's like this uh... yet magma

[40:59] uh... but so if he has the right term that's the technical term yeah

[41:03] so several was reporting to him uh... you know he's like the middle man

[41:07] between several from dark side and like seven was like a can i come home

[41:12] and decides like

[41:14] uh... refers to some sort of like

[41:16] like some kind of like betrayal of the past and i don't think they get to

[41:19] detail here

[41:21] but like several can't come home until he finishes like he conquers fifty

[41:24] thousand worlds for dark side i think it was satan he has a lot of water a lot of

[41:29] worlds so we can send loans level shit right there and i i i i

[41:34] that that follows you your whole life

[41:36] that is seven will try to start a business he tries to buy a house no man

[41:39] you gotta conquer those worlds and i think there's a way i've seen this in

[41:43] some uh... reviews of this a new kind of the movie and i said and i agree like

[41:48] uh... several was so boring

[41:51] as a villain in the original cut just as we just as he was like a site for like

[41:55] cgi creation

[41:57] here he's sort of like the sympathetic like middleman guy where he just like i

[42:01] just was going to his family

[42:02] and part of his job is conquering the earth

[42:05] to do that uh... i don't know if he's necessarily sympathetic but he has a

[42:09] motivation as a motivation yes he feels like it can he feels like a point of

[42:13] view of him

[42:14] yet they gave him the second dimension of a character was in the original

[42:17] version yet he had one dimension

[42:19] which was that he's a big dude

[42:20] who hits things

[42:21] reacts like that was it

[42:24] uh... so wonderland if you're gonna if you're going to put your in your movie a

[42:28] big dude who just hit things with an axe make a good morning guard anyway dan

[42:31] continued to get a good point

[42:33] uh... wonder woman visits uh... bruce i think at superman's legal

[42:38] ship i don't know

[42:39] uh... they're warning she's warning him about people coming bad guys are coming

[42:44] uh... we get into this video game cutscene like seriously cgi looks so

[42:48] much worse in the sequence yeah i'd you not know if it's just like one of us

[42:52] this is like where they like to the line with no more money for this thing

[42:55] this debate is the big like historical

[42:58] yeah alliance of men and elves ship yet although i will say that it is an always

[43:02] wants backstory dan loves backstory so he had a lot of missing from the

[43:05] republican david to list looks so ripped right is aries like holy shit has he

[43:10] been fucking pushing plate

[43:13] yeah and so if you know you get your hands and your auntie ends amazonians

[43:17] humans everyone's trying to fight dark seed

[43:20] and we even get a green lantern in their dark side so i don't set yet what i'll

[43:24] member of the green lantern course

[43:26] zippin around i think i like that that was a there was a nice way of

[43:30] having other dc stuff in there without winking too hard uh...

[43:34] but you know i can't dark sides deal is like

[43:38] for the swarm of locusts

[43:40] to have a green lantern there it felt not like an easter egg but like a yet

[43:44] this is part of this universe that's here you know what exactly

[43:47] but you think dark side he can come certain planets in this kind of

[43:50] destroys and do you have a like he shows up and he starts doing all the dirty he

[43:54] wants to get his hands dirty starts kicking and swinging his blade what do

[43:58] you know kinds of battles and that's kind of boring cuz i like darks dark

[44:01] side is like

[44:02] i'm not super familiar the character but uh... i played a lot in injustice to

[44:07] which is not a lot of our lasers

[44:09] uh... and i remember him from that mister miracle comic i don't like that

[44:12] much and he doesn't do a lot of kicking in that either

[44:15] no dark side is very much in the comics and arts and there's a reason they made

[44:19] our side of the one in these movies because he is the best of that

[44:22] in the dc universe is basically three great villains lex luther

[44:25] who at this point they've already wasted as a as in with jesse eisenberg's

[44:29] non-character

[44:30] the joker currently mired in jared leto's uh... inanity

[44:33] and dark side who and dark side is like much more of a

[44:38] he's the boss usually doesn't go and hit people over the head

[44:41] and kick people

[44:42] he's usually the guy who is

[44:43] in charge of everything

[44:45] uh... and

[44:46] he's got a lot of strategy problems here which i'll get into for instance

[44:50] wonder woman explains that

[44:52] the for that they put together three mother boxes which causes the unity

[44:56] which then wipes out basically everything on a planet and makes it

[45:00] unlivable for anyone except dark side in his and his folks or something like that

[45:05] i don't know why dark side if that's what he has to do to win put those three

[45:08] boxes together on the surface the planet

[45:10] he goes to the one spot where all of his enemies have managed to be

[45:15] then it decides to just wait into them kicking and punching

[45:19] uh... and he gets taken out by getting hit with an ax a couple times yeah it's

[45:23] not an impressive showing by dark side

[45:25] no and i have to say like

[45:26] so uh... that cremaster quality you talk about elliot like

[45:32] i get the feeling that the part of the reason why this part of the movie is so

[45:36] bad

[45:37] is that this is actually part of the sex life centers heart is not a

[45:41] like this feels like the ship that the studio's like okay we have to put this

[45:45] is a justification to get dark side here

[45:47] yet you know i give us the lord of the rings battle or whatever and like

[45:52] uh... that's that are in this movie seems much more interested in late slow

[45:56] motion shots of off a man entering the ocean

[45:59] see here's where i would disagree with you dan i think there are two sides of

[46:02] zack snyder there's a side that loves brooding the slow-mo email stuff

[46:06] and there's the side that loves

[46:09] cgi battles were a lot of people are

[46:12] are like hitting each other with axes and hurling thunderbolt lighting bolts

[46:15] and yeah and i think

[46:16] look you take the good you take the bad you take it on there you have zack

[46:19] snyder's justice league yeah this is a

[46:21] it's but i think i think this is what it's

[46:23] sometimes some ways this movie is playing into strengths and this way it's

[46:26] playing into

[46:27] one of the weaknesses but it is that there is a certain point where i was

[46:29] just like

[46:30] i'm just watching colors and shapes people running around the screen

[46:33] that is okay like

[46:35] this is that is that i'm not sure you turn to the which movie on

[46:39] if you can't play on zack snyder's justice league

[46:42] this is a this is a big epic flashback with no characters that we've seen

[46:46] before

[46:46] it doesn't really make sense it's not

[46:49] that exciting but it's certainly big and loud

[46:51] and at a certain point i'd just i was like

[46:53] pummeled by it

[46:54] yet but it's hard for me to like i like the dark side character so much i like

[46:58] and i love that

[46:59] fourth-world new gods material that he comes from so much

[47:02] so i was like i was just a point to see dark side be like

[47:05] just a bruiser

[47:06] you know yeah yeah i mean i was a thing like i'm a sucker for this like big

[47:10] fantasy backstory bullshit uh...

[47:12] but yeah like

[47:14] dark side seem kinda boring

[47:15] well you didn't really feel like a like and then like he seems like in

[47:20] from my experience in the in the books and what not he's like

[47:23] is like implacable monolith like dark side is like he exists and

[47:28] is not

[47:29] you can't fight him

[47:31] and

[47:32] they just battling that's one side of it but also like dark side

[47:37] and maybe i'll get into this like he's a character who is an implacable monolith

[47:41] of evil

[47:41] but he's also a guy who

[47:43] has a

[47:44] he has two sons one is a disappointment and the other is his greatest nemesis

[47:48] orion

[47:49] and he is obsessed with

[47:51] finding this thing that will allow him to

[47:53] conquer all life in the universe the anti-life equation

[47:56] and the comics

[47:57] it becomes almost kind of like a sad obsession that rules his life now like

[48:00] his life is is

[48:02] is ruined because he can't break his addiction to trying to discover this

[48:05] thing

[48:05] his need to control the universe has controlled him

[48:08] and now he is no longer he's a he's a servant to his own desires

[48:11] it's like me and gambling

[48:13] well anyway or me and popeyes anyway but it's to be his wonder woman says

[48:18] this is the atlanteans before they went underwater but all their armor still has

[48:21] fish fins on it so it's like i don't know dudes maybe they just love water enough already

[48:25] just don't put that detail in

[48:27] so even though like wonder woman explains it all at great length it still

[48:33] doesn't make really all that much sense who cares it's it's the uh... justice

[48:38] league movie

[48:39] uh...

[48:40] and like the important thing to know from it is there are these three boxes

[48:43] the atlanteans got one

[48:45] the amazons got one and the humans got one and darkseid's looking for the three of them

[48:48] yeah except and the thing is like these are really the sources of

[48:52] uh... darkseid's like

[48:54] world draining might in certain ways like i mean like he's still got power

[48:58] but like like these are very important items

[49:01] and uh... i guess like even though like i understand they were in retreat but

[49:05] darkseid's forces seem really cool and just like forgetting them on earth

[49:10] and then like

[49:11] like yeah doesn't anyone get back to say like hey uh... we left your boxes back

[49:17] there

[49:18] maybe send like more people this time to go get them i don't know

[49:21] i think everybody's just embarrassed that the

[49:24] planet shaking battle for earth lasted roughly five minutes

[49:29] before the leader who was in front got chopped with an axe by ares a couple

[49:33] times and was dragged away wounded by his parademons and everybody else was like

[49:36] g-g-g-get outta here

[49:38] yeah that's what happens i talk a lot of shit and then uh... in street fighter

[49:42] and then my brother just hits me with a couple of ken style shoryukens and i'm

[49:45] fucking done and i'm like oh no i hope nobody saw that

[49:49] i will say uh... the shots i do like the shots of those spaceships kind of uh...

[49:54] with the sun behind them uh...

[49:56] and it is exactly the image i think of already when i listen to the overkill

[50:00] song Power Surge. Anyway, continue, Dan, on to the next part.

[50:03] Good point. Okay, part three, Beloved Mother, Beloved Son, we are in Central City. Oh, wait,

[50:09] I forgot one part. So, like, Bruce has, like, gotten Wonder Woman on the idea that they

[50:14] gotta assemble a team. You know, some kind of World Avengers or something. Anyway, Beloved

[50:19] Mother, Beloved Son, we're in Central City. The Flash is late for a job interview. He

[50:25] talks fast because he is fast. There's a, he has a job interview to be a dog walker

[50:33] at some sort of pet-oriented larger service. It's a pet store that seems to also have a

[50:39] comic book spinner rack in the front of the store. Yeah, it's unclear. So, but anyway,

[50:44] as he's walking in, there's a cute woman walking out who gives him a little, like, you know,

[50:52] a little flirt eyes or whatever. They seem to have a connection. She gets in her car.

[50:57] She's having trouble getting it started. And, you know, meanwhile, the Flash is, you know,

[51:02] just being hilariously awkward trying to get this job, not doing so great. But he sees

[51:07] out the window that this truck driver who has dropped his delicious sandwich.

[51:14] I'm going to jump in here. I'm going to say 100% if you're directing a movie and you need

[51:18] somebody to drop a burger and totally ruin everyone's fucking day because I'm trying to

[51:24] reach for my burger that I'm eating while doing an important task, I can do that job.

[51:29] You want to be sort of a jughead figure, a catastrophic jughead. I think that would be

[51:34] great casting. Thank you. So anyway, this guy's, you know, he's driving a semi truck.

[51:39] He wants his hamburger. You know, it's gotten out of his hands. I get it.

[51:44] But just because it's on the floor of a semi truck under his feet doesn't mean he's not going

[51:48] to keep eating it. I would say I would say five second rule, but I feel like it's like a five

[51:53] minute rule at this anyway. Yeah. So this semi crashes into the car. You know, everything freezes

[52:01] because the Flash, of course, has gone into fast motion. He has got to run and save this woman

[52:08] from everything. There's a hot dog that's floating in the air. He puts it in the truck.

[52:13] The truck also hit a hot dog stand. This is not a cloudy with the chance of meatballs type town

[52:18] or food falls from the sky. Yeah. So it's not a side effect of the speed force now.

[52:24] Like we've seen a lot of we've seen a lot of superhero movies that have like

[52:28] super fast characters now. And there's something about like a guy who's super fast where he has

[52:33] to like it feels like the Flash at this point has to like turn it on where he's like, oh,

[52:38] shit, I got to be fast now. Yeah. And then all of a sudden lightning hits everything.

[52:43] And every time he steps on anything, the fucking pavement shatters and it's like clothes rip off.

[52:48] The thing that he literally steps out of his shoes, he rips through his shoes. But the thing

[52:53] about the Flash's powers, and I think you're right, Stuart, he has to turn it on because he's

[52:56] harnessing the speed for us. Right. Yeah. Like it's not he's not Quicksilver who just has fast

[53:00] feet. But the I've never understood how when you're super fast, apparently you also become

[53:06] super strong. So like you're able to pick up things that you know, like huge stones that

[53:12] you normally wouldn't be able to lift. Yeah, that I don't I mean, I think there's some support,

[53:16] like, they're trying to get some sort of idea of like, you've got so much kinetic energy that

[53:21] like, I mean, that like lifting things doesn't make much sense to me. I kind of understand the

[53:27] idea of like, even if I'm not sure it actually works, like moving like a bullet around because

[53:32] you're, you know, going at the same speed as it or whatever. I don't know. Sure. I mean,

[53:38] and all I mean, I really have no complaints about how the Flash if I'm going to complain

[53:43] about the Flash, it's going to be the fact that I think his characterization was inspired by the

[53:47] Bazinga t shirts that look like the Flash logo. Yeah, they're they're really, really pulling a

[53:52] big bang theory with this. Yeah, I mean, I look everyone. I will say I think everyone's doing

[53:59] like their best as actors. They're all doing pretty good jobs. I'm not blaming the I'm not

[54:05] reframing Ezra Miller, the performer, they're doing a great job. It's the it's the it's this

[54:09] is a this is a character conception and writing thing, where like, you got to have your you got

[54:14] to have your awkward character. And I guess it's gonna be the motor mouth. Yeah, well, anyway,

[54:18] as we all know, what happens in these situations, the Flash saves the girl he was making eyes at he

[54:26] rushes back to the job interview. Now he's got a hot dog in his pocket. So dogs love them.

[54:32] I guess he's tired. Anyway. I mean, it's kind of a fun scene. I the worst I have to say about

[54:38] it is the music choice is kind of weird. Like it's a very slow Hallelujah style song.

[54:43] Well, that's again, that's Zack Snyder. Everything is even a fun scene is is has is scored as if

[54:49] a character is trying to save someone from the Holocaust and failing.

[54:52] Whoa. So Atlantean gets his mind read to show where the mother box is.

[55:03] By little spider that lives in Steppenwolf's sleeve.

[55:05] Great. I like this guy.

[55:07] Lois Lane continues to be sad. You know, there's a scene where like, now Wonder Woman and Bats are

[55:14] getting the band together. They're figuring out who they're gonna go. They're splitting it off.

[55:19] So we get a bit of a cyborg flashback. He's a great football player, but he's also a hacker.

[55:27] So he's in trouble at school. He hacked some like a neighbor's grades to improve them

[55:34] because her mom died or something like she was having like she was so distracted that

[55:39] she wouldn't have done well and her mom standing up for him.

[55:43] He's a star athlete, a genius hacker and also a warrior for social justice as well.

[55:50] And his mom speaks only in kind of like, like, like mom, like poster quotes.

[55:57] You know, later on, she's like, she's like, you're so great now. I can't wait to see how

[56:02] great you'll what you'll how great what you are will be or something. I don't remember.

[56:06] She talks mainly in inspirational aphorisms.

[56:08] Yes. And her. Yeah, he's so he's close to his mom. His dad, however, does not there to see him

[56:16] win the football game, which is, of course, the saddest thing that can ever happen.

[56:20] Movies have taught us a father missing a football game. And the movie goes into

[56:26] underline this. There's a car accident after the game where the mom dies. The son almost dies.

[56:32] But for his dad's intervention. And, you know, that's why you don't miss these football games

[56:38] because everyone's going to die. Later on, he says to his dad, Mom,

[56:41] what would be with us if you had been there? And I'm like, I don't.

[56:44] Does your dad emit a force field that keeps cars from hitting your car?

[56:47] Yeah, I don't understand. I guess it was because they were

[56:50] kind of like arguing about him at the time. But that seems like a really roundabout, blamey way

[56:55] with the anyway. So his dad, who is Silas Stone, the scientist from Star Labs, is guilty of many

[57:01] things. But I don't I don't think that he's not being at the football game directly led to the

[57:06] car crash. I'll say that cyborg. Yeah. So and he saved his son,

[57:10] turned him into a cyborg. Yeah. And he is not happy about this.

[57:14] Yeah, this yeah, the cyborg is not happy. He's trying out his new powers.

[57:19] He's connected to the net like a like a lawnmower man of some kind.

[57:25] And I got to say that, I mean, like, I don't know, like, I liked a lot of this stuff

[57:31] just because he was such a non entity in the original. Yeah. And like, OK,

[57:36] there was a story here. Like, there's there's interesting stuff here.

[57:42] It's definitely improvement. I think it's very funny that his dad chooses to leave him a cassette

[57:45] taped message in which he's like, look, the only way I could save your life was to turn you into

[57:50] a lawnmower man who can control all of the world's military and financial power with but a thought.

[57:56] So you're a robo God now. The responsibility is on your shoulders for the entire world to be OK.

[58:01] Deal with it. Eighteen year old son. No, that is totally like because we see him like,

[58:07] yeah, he's like told us to manipulate the world's finances would be child's play to you.

[58:13] And like this is all visualized and, you know, cyber land. And now he is. Yeah, he is God. He's

[58:20] making choices about people's morality and rewarding them. Yeah, because he's like looking

[58:26] he's like cyber stalking this woman, you know, over various security cameras, watching her like

[58:33] do virtuous things, but being beaten down by her life. And he's like, well, I'll give you

[58:38] one hundred thousand dollars. What's amazing to me is it turns out all of the closed circuit

[58:43] television cameras in Gotham are linked to the same database that searchable by name

[58:48] and that edits the footage for you to give you just the most pertinent information,

[58:52] the most exciting thing, deserve a hundred thousand dollars or not.

[58:54] That will help you. Yeah. And he and he. But at the same time, he has all this power. But he also,

[59:00] you know, he looks like a robo man. So like he's bumming, right? Like, yeah, he's like he's like

[59:06] Hellboy. He's like, I wish he didn't look like this. You know, like, yeah, I mean, like I would

[59:12] think like if you could do all that shit like who cares, man? Honestly, this stuff is interesting

[59:18] and it's just getting sort of like ruined by Zack Snyder's need to lay it on as thick as possible

[59:23] because it is impossible for me to watch this without being like, OK, number one, you're just

[59:28] stalking this woman. And number two, like like the message does seem to be like now I am God and I

[59:34] decide who is virtuous, you know? Yeah. Now, I just joked around about him being like like,

[59:40] why would he care about what he looks like? But part of it is because his character feels so

[59:47] like out of touch with humanity in a way, like he's like, I'm talking to this plane. I'm talking

[59:51] to this thing like. So it seems like he's already transcended his humanity. So it seems weird that

[59:58] he's hung up on.

[1:00:00] Yeah, be being this now, you know what I mean?

[1:00:03] Well, I'd say that he is in the process of transcending his

[1:00:06] humanity, and he's not there yet. I think it's that painful

[1:00:08] time when he is, he is turning into the post human that he will

[1:00:11] be, but he still has the, he still has the mind and the

[1:00:15] drives of a of a human and he and he misses those. It's the

[1:00:17] old. It's, you know, the old saw about the king and the peasant

[1:00:22] where the king has all the power, but the peasant can go

[1:00:24] do whatever he wants whenever he wants, you know, that kind of

[1:00:26] Yeah, I mean, also, I think maybe it's maybe an old saw.

[1:00:31] Look, don't use that old saw. It's not sharp enough. You're

[1:00:33] not gonna be able to cut through that wood. Get a new saw. It's a

[1:00:35] rusty saw.

[1:00:36] I mean, I just wonder if it's like, also, one of these cases

[1:00:39] where like he believes himself to be a robot, not a true man

[1:00:44] anymore. So he leans into that whether, like unconsciously or

[1:00:49] consciously, who knows? We're psychoanalyzing this character

[1:00:53] We're psychoanalyzing the character Cyborg, who is a

[1:00:56] teenager who was brought back to life using an alien box. And his

[1:01:00] dad was like, the only way I could bring you back to life was

[1:01:02] to give you boot jets so you can fly.

[1:01:05] So you look like a real Iron Man. Anyway, the Flash goes to

[1:01:09] visit his dad in jail. Daddy issues all over. Dad has been

[1:01:14] put away for falsely question mark, being accused of killing

[1:01:18] mom. And the dad is like,

[1:01:21] Dad, is that is that Billy Crudup? Is that Jim Caviezel?

[1:01:24] Who is that?

[1:01:25] No, it's Billy Crudup. I think I got it wrong last time. Dad is

[1:01:31] like, please live your life. Stop coming to see me. Stop

[1:01:34] living for you. For me. Sorry. Anyway, the Flash goes back to

[1:01:40] his lair, all sad and

[1:01:42] Okay, here's I've got a problem with the Flash's lair. Let me

[1:01:46] talk about the Flash's lair for a second. The Flash has goes to

[1:01:48] an abandoned train yard or something because again, this is

[1:01:51] Central City, which is kind of like a downtrodden blue collar

[1:01:54] industrial town in the DC universe. And he's got his

[1:01:58] lair, which is it should be Batman's lair. Like Batman's

[1:02:02] lair is ridiculously high tech and the Flash's lair should be

[1:02:04] like a computer and like a bookcase. But he's got so many

[1:02:08] screens and the screens are up higher than you can see or

[1:02:12] they're behind other screens. And I was like, what does he

[1:02:14] need? I don't understand what this this seems beyond the

[1:02:17] capabilities of a guy who is scrambling to get a dog walker

[1:02:19] job.

[1:02:20] Well, also assume that fancy outfit. That's the that's the

[1:02:23] more

[1:02:23] he has a fancy outfit with display lights underneath it.

[1:02:27] Yeah, like you would have in a museum. But I have to assume

[1:02:29] that he's stealing all this stuff using his flash powers

[1:02:32] like

[1:02:32] but if he's doing all this stuff, why is he working so many

[1:02:34] jobs? If he's comfortable stealing stuff? Why doesn't he

[1:02:37] just break his dad up?

[1:02:40] Yes, he has a very elaborate and complicated set of ethics for

[1:02:43] different situations that we do not get into in the movie, where

[1:02:47] some things are worth stealing for a greater good and some

[1:02:49] things are not some laws exist. And who makes those decisions?

[1:02:52] The flash makes those decisions. And you trust the flash to make

[1:02:54] those decisions. This guy's pulling hot dogs out of the air.

[1:02:57] I don't think so stuff in his pockets full of hot dogs. So

[1:03:00] he'll steal a hot dog out of the air. And he'll steal a TV but he

[1:03:03] won't free his own father from jail. Flash. You've been busted.

[1:03:08] Yeah, okay. Well, anyway, the flash goes back to his lair.

[1:03:12] Bruce Wayne's there. He introduces himself as such. And

[1:03:17] the flash doesn't know who Bruce Wayne is, which is weird. It's

[1:03:20] like, like you didn't know who like Elon Musk was or whatever.

[1:03:23] I don't know. But anyway, Bruce recruits the flash for his super

[1:03:31] team. The flash

[1:03:34] and another moment they want to show that the flat this is a

[1:03:37] classic thing in the flash now that he used up a lot of energy

[1:03:39] so he's always eating high calorie food. They walk out of

[1:03:42] the flashes headquarters and he's got a whole box of pizza.

[1:03:45] And it's like, we didn't see him bring that pizza with him. So

[1:03:49] that's gross pizza that's just been sitting on a table for

[1:03:52] hours.

[1:03:52] I think they've addressed that like, he just has to turn that

[1:03:56] speed force on then he can go get a pizza. He can go steal all

[1:04:00] of his stuff.

[1:04:01] Yeah, that's a good point. He's just stealing pizzas left and

[1:04:03] right like a Ninja Turtle. Yeah,

[1:04:04] yeah. Well, anyway, the flash is desperate for friends. So he goes

[1:04:08] with Bruce, he's like, what are you superpowers again? And Bruce

[1:04:11] Wayne says, I'm rich, which was in the other cut, too. But I

[1:04:14] thought that's a pretty funny line in both of them.

[1:04:18] That's a, that's a fantastic line.

[1:04:20] And I feel like there's there should have been a moment where

[1:04:22] Barry Allen's like, okay, so if you're super rich, can you can

[1:04:25] you buy a lawyer to get my dad?

[1:04:28] Yeah.

[1:04:30] We can do a trade.

[1:04:32] Also, buy and buy my house for her, please.

[1:04:36] And Bruce Wayne is like, I can buy the house. I can't buy a

[1:04:39] lawyer. I can hire a lawyer and flash is like, you knew what I

[1:04:42] meant. Come on. Yeah.

[1:04:45] We're getting to the we're getting to one of the highlights

[1:04:46] in the movie, right? When Alfred mansplains to Wonder Woman how

[1:04:49] to make tea.

[1:04:50] Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, the joke the joke being that Wonder

[1:04:54] Woman is making tea and Alfred is British. So even though he

[1:04:58] personally would not like a cup right then he cannot stop

[1:05:02] looking over her shoulder and giving her pointers.

[1:05:04] This is one of those scenes where usually in a non four hour

[1:05:07] version of a superhero movie, it ends up on the cutting room

[1:05:10] floor. But it's four hours shove it in. Sure. We'll have the tea

[1:05:13] lesson. Yeah.

[1:05:14] But also it was a Wonder Woman's on like doing computer stuff on

[1:05:17] the screen. Oh, a hack hack message comes in. It says meet

[1:05:21] here now and it's in a ransom fought font with like, all

[1:05:25] different letters, even though their cyborg controls the

[1:05:29] internet.

[1:05:30] He's cutting up magazine websites. Yeah, pasting them

[1:05:33] together.

[1:05:34] Yeah, it's like she she started up one of those old ads before a

[1:05:37] DVD that's like you wouldn't steal a DVD.

[1:05:43] But so Wonder Woman meets cyborg. He she asked him for help and

[1:05:48] he's like, fuck the world. And tries to be like, I shut myself

[1:05:52] off. She tries to be I shut myself off once and seems like

[1:05:58] seems like she's got to convince him to reengage with humanity,

[1:06:01] but he flies away, back to his own gravestone. Anyway,

[1:06:06] where he buries the mother box, right?

[1:06:10] Is that what happened there? I've missed that part.

[1:06:11] I believe he buries the mother box under about an inch of dirt

[1:06:16] at his mother's actual grave because what is a what is a

[1:06:18] coffin, but a mother box for some people? Yeah, thank you,

[1:06:22] Stuart. Thank you for applauding that. The there was a when when

[1:06:26] Wonder Woman was like, I lost someone once I shut myself off

[1:06:29] for a while. I want her to turn to the audience and be like, do

[1:06:32] you buy that as a reason I didn't do anything about World

[1:06:34] War Two? Do you buy that? Because I was really into World

[1:06:38] War One and I didn't help anybody else ever again.

[1:06:40] Yeah. And I also didn't do anything until 1984. And then

[1:06:44] everyone seemed to forget when I saved the world. Because now

[1:06:48] people are confused by me now in the present. Anyway, it's

[1:06:52] pretty funny that in edit that in the previous movie, Batman

[1:06:56] learns about Wonder Woman from that old photograph from World

[1:06:58] War One when he there was probably footage of her from

[1:07:00] the 80s doing her stuff, you know?

[1:07:02] Okay, well, parody demons take Joe Morton away. We see J.K.

[1:07:08] Simmons as Commissioner Gordon. People think that the you know,

[1:07:13] there's a drawings of these parody demons that looks like

[1:07:16] Batman. He's like, Oh, I'm talking to him tonight. Yeah,

[1:07:21] bring me pictures of Spider-Man.

[1:07:25] Christmas ham.

[1:07:27] Anyway, so Batman and I have a have a hangout planned for

[1:07:31] tonight. So I'll bring it up to him. Our game night is tonight

[1:07:35] me and the bat.

[1:07:37] So the Flash, Wonder Woman and Bats are all together. We get a

[1:07:41] CGI Amber Heard underwater in a different scene. I mean, I'm

[1:07:47] just, you know, we're so near the end here of the end of the

[1:07:50] middle.

[1:07:51] Steppenwolf goes to Atlantis and he fights Mira and Aquaman and

[1:07:54] he beats him up and he steals the mother box and Aquaman is

[1:07:56] like, and Mira is like, hey, you need to help people. Aquaman's

[1:08:00] like, well, I never knew my mom. So no, and leaves.

[1:08:03] Yeah. And this is the point when Audrey saw Justice League in the

[1:08:07] theater in 4D, a bunch of water got squirted around.

[1:08:11] Oh, fun. Oh, that would have been awesome. I wish somebody

[1:08:14] squirted water on me while I was watching this.

[1:08:17] So anyway, now 7Wolf has two boxes, one to go. They're

[1:08:22] looking for the third and that brings us into part four,

[1:08:26] Change Machine. It's not about quarters, guys. Is it? I don't

[1:08:32] know. Gordon, Commissioner Gordon meets Batman and Wonder

[1:08:35] Woman and Cyclops and the Flash.

[1:08:38] Cyclops is there? Wow, it's an intercompany crossover?

[1:08:41] Yeah, sorry. I just have Psy in my notes and my brain was, you

[1:08:46] know, there's a bunch of...

[1:08:47] And you're like, you're like, wait, is Psy Young the famous

[1:08:49] creature there? No, no, it's Cyclops.

[1:08:51] Is it Cyrus the virus? It's a blah, blah, blah exposition

[1:08:55] scene. Blah, blah, blah. I don't know. This is like, they're like,

[1:08:59] go someplace and fight people.

[1:09:01] Now that 7Wolf has two boxes, he turns his hideout, like he

[1:09:05] creates a giant energy scrotum over his hideout and it looks

[1:09:09] really cool.

[1:09:09] Over Chernobyl. Yeah, it makes a big energy scrotum so that he

[1:09:13] can, I assume, retract when it's cold. So the Commissioner Gordon

[1:09:17] scene, they're basically telling us information we know, but he

[1:09:20] gives them information that helped them find the nest of

[1:09:23] parademons where they kidnapped the STAR Labs employees.

[1:09:26] Okay, that's what's good. So there's a big fight scene. I

[1:09:28] don't, it's so fucking, like, there's nothing interesting

[1:09:32] about it. They're just fighting, you know, fighting, fighting.

[1:09:34] In my notes for this scene, this is where I wrote, getting bored

[1:09:37] of this now.

[1:09:38] Yeah, yeah. So they...

[1:09:41] And Batman calls Alfred and is like, I'm gonna need the

[1:09:44] Nightcrawler. And I was like, Nightcrawler?

[1:09:46] Yeah, that would have been amazing, right?

[1:09:48] But no, it's some kind of, it's just kind of like a walking

[1:09:51] tank, like in Ghost in the Shell.

[1:09:52] Yeah, it's like a spider tank that has guns on it. So Batman's

[1:09:55] like, well, the tank's the one that has the guns, not me. I'm

[1:09:59] not a coward.

[1:10:00] I'm still not using guns I'm using up the buttons and the tank is firing them

[1:10:06] you see anyway they basically like lose this fight and like a an under underwater

[1:10:14] pipe cracks and you know like they would drown but except Aquaman shows up in a

[1:10:20] thing that's like honestly unclear like like Audrey was like did he break the

[1:10:25] pipe open I'm like no no I think the pipe just broke and he's there to save

[1:10:28] them they're with the power of the plot needs him to be there yeah and so he

[1:10:34] saves them blah blah that's great whatever so seven wolf touches the

[1:10:39] mother box and he's like oh shit like they're all here and there's crop circle

[1:10:43] patterns and this is like as yeah go on I know what actually you say we're gonna

[1:10:50] say and then I'll say what I thought this part is kind of confusing cuz like

[1:10:53] seven wolf is like being like okay well we wanted the anti life and that's on

[1:10:59] this earth but it's like it's it's hard to tell like what he was supposed to

[1:11:04] have known about what is on earth at the beginning of the movie versus now because

[1:11:10] I guess he only knew that there was one box here before and now it's like it's

[1:11:14] all here I don't know somehow so here's so here this is a confusing sequence he's

[1:11:19] pressing he touches the box and he sees something that dark side saw back in the

[1:11:25] other flashback and he realizes this planet is the planet that defeated dark

[1:11:30] side thousands of years ago which you'd think they'd know that if there's

[1:11:34] already mother he's looking for mother boxes on the planet why would he think

[1:11:37] they're there if he didn't know that this was the planet yet they left a

[1:11:41] bunch of dark mother boxes on but yeah what he learns is that earth is also the

[1:11:45] location of the anti-life equation which they don't really explain what it

[1:11:50] is in this movie but I'll tell you what it is Dan if it's the same well I mean

[1:11:53] the name seems self-explanatory but sure go on this well they say anti-life they

[1:11:57] say anti-life is here in the comics the anti-life equation is literally like a

[1:12:01] mathematical formula you can possess in your mind that gives you the ability to

[1:12:05] control the conscious minds of living beings and so dark side he wants the

[1:12:10] ultimate control which is control of the thoughts of all the beings in the

[1:12:12] universe and he's always looking for the anti-life equation which will give

[1:12:15] him that control seems like a huge fucking pain in the ass it is a big

[1:12:19] responsibility and when Orion gets it and Walt Simonson's run of Orion which

[1:12:23] is fantastic and I recommend it to anybody it is a pain in the ass and it's

[1:12:27] a big responsibility but so that's so this is a he kind of like half explains

[1:12:32] this stuff to decide and dark side but it is unclear yeah if they didn't know

[1:12:37] that this was the planet they left their mother boxes on why was Steppenwolf

[1:12:40] looking for mother boxes on this planet what's that all about yeah Alfie yeah so

[1:12:46] anyway so that all happens blah blah blah blah blah we go back to where like

[1:12:50] Superman's ship is they're like talking about strategy Cyclops Cyborg has brought

[1:12:59] over his Cyclops is also could be there Cyborg brings over his mother box so him

[1:13:05] burying it as mom's grave was meaningless it didn't matter he just dug

[1:13:08] it right up again the neck like a couple hours later it's yeah yeah so

[1:13:12] like I'm imagining Cyborg in the rain clutching at his mom's grave the way

[1:13:17] Cyclops clutches that Jean Grey's grave right yeah exactly well anyway Cyborg

[1:13:24] explains what his whole deal is and he's you know like oh this is alien

[1:13:30] technology revitalized me they're like oh this is the mother box it's a matter

[1:13:35] manipulator we can maybe bring Superman back to life because we got so destroyed

[1:13:41] the last time we tried to fight uh-huh he says the mother boxes seem to have

[1:13:46] woken up when Superman died they heard his scream and they woke up almost as if

[1:13:50] they were afraid to conquer the world for Darkseid when Superman was alive

[1:13:54] that like the mother boxes are afraid Superman could defeat them so we got to

[1:13:58] bring him back yeah and then there then also there's a weird scene in here where

[1:14:04] Martha Superman's mom visits Lois and have coffee and Lois hasn't been to work

[1:14:11] since Clark died and Martha's like come back to the living and then she leaves

[1:14:16] and it turns out she's secretly the Martian Manhunter and you're like so was

[1:14:21] she the Martian Manhunter the last time we saw her in the movie was that real

[1:14:24] Martha Kent and like why is the Martian Manhunter feel like he has to take the

[1:14:29] form of like Lois's dead fiance's mom to talk to her like I don't know I'll raise

[1:14:38] you one more Dan I'll raise you one more why does the Martian Manhunter feel like

[1:14:41] he needs to get involved in Lois's career and emotional development yeah so

[1:14:46] let's see you know he's the ultimate chess master yeah all right so I have no

[1:14:52] idea whether this is gonna pay off later we're just gonna be a really

[1:14:55] strange interlude in the movie but so maybe he's got a bounty contract on

[1:15:00] Superman and the only way you can find Superman is by getting Lois to like

[1:15:04] figure shit out I mean if you've got to overcome her trauma if you've got a

[1:15:08] Jones for John Jones so anyway so anyway so we end this chapter on the heroes

[1:15:21] contemplating using the the box to return Superman saying there's no us

[1:15:26] without him guys I'd like to do something next chapter sometimes dead is

[1:15:32] better yeah that's all okay I'm gonna do something unprecedented flop house lore

[1:15:36] a new segment called middle judgments where you don't necessarily say what you

[1:15:43] think overall cuz how can you but if there's anything that you wanted to say

[1:15:46] that didn't fit into the rest of it how can you know after only watching the

[1:15:49] first two and a half hours of the movie but I agree Dan we got to see how it

[1:15:53] plays out in the last hour 40 yeah I mean I just wanted to say like my thing

[1:15:58] with it so far is that I think you know tentatively like I'm kind of enjoying it

[1:16:07] it's it's definitely like in the traditional senses of the word it's

[1:16:13] probably a better cut of the movie just in the sense that like feels like a

[1:16:17] coherent vision rather than something that was cobbled together by a studio

[1:16:21] which the other one definitely felt like it is super self-important but like at

[1:16:28] least it kind of looks neat and is less mean-spirited weirdly than the previous

[1:16:33] couples Zack Snyder superhero movies but I do think that it is hard to understand

[1:16:38] without actually having seen the theatrical cut like this this works

[1:16:42] that's the theory I wanted to say before like this works as well as it does kind

[1:16:46] of in relation to the previous shitty cut that we saw that moved the story

[1:16:51] along told us quickly what things were her and like prepared us to like lower

[1:16:58] our standards anyway that's that's my theory but I I would disagree that it is

[1:17:04] only clear if you watch the other movie I think if you don't watch the last two

[1:17:08] Zack Snyder movies yeah obviously incomprehensible but I think that

[1:17:12] they're actually doing a better job of making it a coherent story and coherent

[1:17:17] characters and things like that but what you can do when you have this much time

[1:17:20] to play around with it I mean it's an interesting case study because like

[1:17:23] there is no I want there is no world in which a four-hour cut of a superhero

[1:17:30] movie would be the first cut released to theaters there's it's I mean maybe after

[1:17:34] this one is a success in some form that'll lead to but there has to be a

[1:17:39] first one and it was only gonna happen on a streaming platform and not in a

[1:17:41] theater I think that yeah it's a much clearer look so far at Zack Snyder's

[1:17:46] vision and once I do not once I stop trying to compare that vision to reality

[1:17:52] or find any sort of meaning in it I can enjoy it more as Cray Master type art

[1:17:58] spectacle you know Cray Master has some meaning to it I guess but it once I

[1:18:01] stopped trying to puzzle out what is this movie about because it's not really

[1:18:04] anything but it is a I feel like he is he is taking so far characters and using

[1:18:11] them as metaphors but they're not really metaphors for anything like it's

[1:18:14] a I feel every Marvel movie is kind of about a pretty simple idea about like

[1:18:19] never give up or like you got to take care of each other and this one I don't

[1:18:23] know what it is about other than that sometimes when aliens attack you got to

[1:18:27] build a super team like that seems to be the lesson of it and so I'm enjoying it

[1:18:30] on a purely style level but if you asked me like oh is this is that it was there

[1:18:37] a reason to do a four-hour Justice League movie that takes itself super

[1:18:41] seriously I would have to say not not entirely but we'll see maybe the last

[1:18:46] hour 40 will can convince me otherwise yeah I mean I think the from what we've

[1:18:53] seen this is clearly a like a better version of this movie it's not

[1:18:59] particularly a high bar to clear because the original was not very good the first

[1:19:05] one was bad yeah and the I think the two previous Zack Snyder superhero movies

[1:19:10] Man of Steel and Batman vs. Superman they felt so impatient in a way like he

[1:19:15] clearly knew what he wanted to do and he felt forced to like throw in shit to

[1:19:22] just like to get to the points that he wanted to like and so it never felt like

[1:19:28] it did the homework to get to the emotional payoffs that he was expecting

[1:19:33] to hit and I don't know if he's doing that yet but at least the movie makes a

[1:19:39] little bit more sense than the previous movie I know the previous version

[1:19:42] somehow this movie is is feeling less even though it is constant emo sadness

[1:19:48] it's feeling less bleak to me than Superman vs. Batman where and maybe it's

[1:19:52] just because it's about characters heroes starting to work together rather

[1:19:56] than that movie which was so much about them hitting

[1:20:00] each other in the face with filthy urinals, you know, like, like, there isn't

[1:20:04] anything in the movie that yet that speaks to so far, at least to me, as so

[1:20:09] with so much disdain for humanity as as some of the scenes in Batman versus

[1:20:13] Superman. And it shows you that, like, you can make a movie feel more bleak by

[1:20:18] adding humor to it. Like the last Justice League cut felt really grim to me. And

[1:20:23] it's partly, I guess, because the contrast between the Joss Whedon humor and the

[1:20:26] like, grim stuff. Yeah. The lack of color in every scene possible. Very strange. But stay

[1:20:37] tuned for our final judgments in the next episode of The Flophouse Watches

[1:20:42] Zack Snyder's Justice League Part 2. We are contractually obligated because we

[1:20:47] are film people on the internet.

[1:20:55] Hi, I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we're the hosts of One Bad Mother, a podcast

[1:21:01] about parenting. Parenting is hard, and we have no advice. But we do see you

[1:21:07] doing it. Honk if you like to do it. Didn't we have a bumper sticker a while

[1:21:13] back that was like, honk if you did it. That's what it was. I think it was honk if you're doing it.

[1:21:18] Why did we not ever make them? We did make them. I think they're still in the MaxFun store.

[1:21:25] Honk honk, you're doing it. Thanks, Biz. So are you. Each week we'll be here to remind you

[1:21:33] that you're doing a good job. You can find us on MaximumFun.org. Honk honk, toot toot.

[1:21:43] I started listening to Oh No! Ross and Carey shortly after I broke my arm. I

[1:21:47] couldn't get my book started. I was lost, honestly. I knew it was time to make a

[1:21:52] change. There's something about Oh No! Ross and Carey that you just can't get

[1:21:57] anywhere else. They're thought leaders, discoverers, founders. I'd call them heroes.

[1:22:02] Ross and Carey don't just report on French science, spirituality, and claims of

[1:22:06] the paranormal. They take part themselves. They show up so you don't

[1:22:10] have to. But you might find that you want to. My arm is better. I wrote an entire book this

[1:22:17] weekend. It's terrible, but I did it. Just go to MaximumFun.org. Thank you, Ross and Carey.

[1:22:24] Oh No! Ross and Carey is just a podcast. It doesn't do anything. It's just sounds you

[1:22:28] listen to in your ears. All these people are made up. Goodbye. Okay, well the Flophouse

[1:22:33] is sponsored in part by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you can create a beautiful

[1:22:39] website to turn your cool idea into something all sorts of people can see

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[1:23:20] or domain. Now Dan, I had, I don't want to interrupt, that was a great, that was a

[1:23:25] great read. I had an idea for a website and I was hoping Squarespace could help

[1:23:29] me with it. I was, I was kind of inspired by the hullabaloo around the

[1:23:34] Snyder Cut and that's why I'm starting my own service. It's www.SnyderCuts.com

[1:23:39] Snyder Cuts beef. Snyder Cuts beef brings you steaks three to four times larger

[1:23:45] than your average steak. Rather than that pink or red, it is a uniform gray and it

[1:23:50] comes with a special marinade that tastes like ashes and tears. That's www.SnyderCuts

[1:23:56] steak. That's beef that brings you all the qualities of a Zack Snyder film in

[1:24:00] the form of a cow. You know, this is the first time I've ever suspected you of

[1:24:03] pre-writing one of these because it's a little too good. All off the dome, off the

[1:24:09] dome, Dan. You're saying there's a, there's a bonus service that if somebody

[1:24:13] orders enough beef that they'll also get Snyder Cuts hair where he will cut three

[1:24:18] to four extra inches off of your hair and it will be gray at the end of it.

[1:24:23] Yeah. Well, strangely enough, he cuts more off your hair and yet your hair is

[1:24:26] longer than when you started. Snyder Cuts hair, he actually adds extensions to the

[1:24:30] hair. It does turn your hair gray and again, when you look in the mirror, you'll

[1:24:34] be overcome with sadness and in the mirror in this case is the ocean. So

[1:24:38] that's Snyder Cuts hair. That's if you get, you have a membership at

[1:24:41] www.SnyderCuts.com. Snyder Cuts, your place for sad beef.

[1:24:46] Well, that's really useful Elliot. Now, why don't you do an ad for someone who's

[1:24:51] actually giving us money, not a made up product.

[1:24:54] Hey, I would love to Dan. Hey, now more than ever, storyteller, this is our

[1:24:59] episode is also brought to you this episode by Storyblocks. Now more than

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[1:26:27] That sounds wonderful. I don't know if any if you if you guys have a personal

[1:26:32] plugs. Do you have anything personal? Hey, we're talking we're talking about

[1:26:36] this is a little personal. We're talking about comics. So I might as well

[1:26:40] mention again, Maniac of New York number one and number two from aftershocks

[1:26:44] comics written by me. They're on comic shelves now. Maniac of New York number

[1:26:48] three comes out April 14. So ask your comic store for it. These have been

[1:26:52] selling fast. If you're if you are you want you watch Zack Snyder's grim take

[1:26:58] on the Justice League and you want my grim take on commuting in New York. Get

[1:27:01] Maniac of New York and not to not to plug digital comics or anything. But if

[1:27:06] you can't if you're having trouble finding a comic shop or a specialty

[1:27:09] store where you can get the book, it is available on comiXology. So you can get

[1:27:13] it digitally. Yes, it is available day and date on comiXology. So if you're

[1:27:17] having trouble finding a store near you, or if the stores near you are sold out

[1:27:21] and you just cannot wait for a second printing in case there is one. The second

[1:27:24] printing of number one. I don't know if it's sold out yet, but it might be close

[1:27:27] to though they are available on comiXology and you can read them on your

[1:27:31] own home tablet. Just watch out because it might scare you so much that you drop

[1:27:36] the tablet and it breaks. Oh, yeah. It's a shatter tab read.

[1:27:44] And yeah, I'll recommend my bars. Check out my bars. Hey, have you ever heard of

[1:27:48] Brooklyn, New York? Well, I have because I live there and we have bars here. Two of

[1:27:52] them. Hinterland's Bar and Minnie's Bar. Please come by. We need your help. If

[1:27:57] you're getting better. Yeah. I mean, if you're nervous about indoor stuff, if

[1:28:06] you're not vaccinated yet, they both have lovely backyard areas. But I've been

[1:28:11] vaccinated, baby. Check me out. I'm going to live forever. Now, let's make it

[1:28:16] clear that you are one of the groups designated to be able to get the vaccine.

[1:28:20] I feel like I didn't like break in. I know I see. I feel like there's so much

[1:28:25] like Internet shaming of people like that's based on the weird, like like

[1:28:31] uneven outroll of this stuff. And we all understand that it's difficult and we

[1:28:36] all want it as soon as possible. But we also want to make it clear that, you

[1:28:40] know, we're doing our part by getting vaccinated legally as soon as we can.

[1:28:46] No, I dressed up like fucking Mr. Six and I was like, please, one vaccine for an

[1:28:53] old man. Yeah, the vaccination works best when everybody gets it. So everybody, if

[1:28:59] you can all get it as quickly as you can legally, that'd be great. Hey, you know

[1:29:05] what? Why not? I'll say this. I'll plug the thing. I my my own personal Instagram.

[1:29:13] I keep private because, you know, you got to have at least some parts of your life

[1:29:17] that you don't expose to the world. But only fans. You can look at my cats. I

[1:29:23] have a new cat Instagram. It's called Archie underscore and the word and that

[1:29:29] ampersand and Archie and Panda. It's very skeptical right now. Yeah, well, he

[1:29:35] doesn't like cats because they make him sneeze, which is, you know, I like I like

[1:29:40] cats when they are Judi Dench slathered in CGI, just not in real life. Yeah. So

[1:29:48] that's all important plugs. Yeah, equally important plugs. Hey, why don't we do

[1:29:55] some letters from listeners? This first one is from Dan. Last name.

[1:30:00] withheld

[1:30:01] who writes

[1:30:02] if by internet decree you couldn't flop movies anymore

[1:30:06] what other former forms of terrible media

[1:30:10] would you pivot to in order to keep the podcast going

[1:30:13] elliot would you tackle the later super problematic comics of frank miller

[1:30:18] stewart

[1:30:19] woods now engaged in that melee combat with the works of

[1:30:23] bursar

[1:30:24] is that

[1:30:25] bursar

[1:30:26] birth

[1:30:27] uh... well that's

[1:30:28] uh... an orcish term but it's bursar me and uh... uh... yet they'll probably not

[1:30:34] to go off

[1:30:35] dan would you want to finally determine the most off-putting literary sex scene

[1:30:41] do you have a specific album book painting or date dare i say it podcast

[1:30:45] already in the chamber for day one

[1:30:47] episode one of flop house two point oh i'd love to hear what else you flop

[1:30:51] if movies were suddenly off the table

[1:30:54] stay safe and stay cool cool dudes dan lasting withheld

[1:30:58] i'm gonna jump in there dan dan lasting withheld now at least uh... i was

[1:31:02] i was too busy thinking so i didn't hear what you suggest for dan but i think the

[1:31:05] things you've suggested for elliot nye

[1:31:08] are more problematic than just artistically bad yeah like it feels

[1:31:13] weird like

[1:31:14] as much as i a uh...

[1:31:16] yet like

[1:31:17] what you're a you suggested that i talk about uh... if

[1:31:20] uh... i like heavy metal you suggested i talk about uh... foundational second

[1:31:24] way black metal artist

[1:31:26] who is a murderer and a racist uh... like no i don't want to do that i don't want to single piece that shit

[1:31:35] uh... but like i'll talk like i talk about bad heavy metal uh... but i feel

[1:31:39] like if i was going to talk

[1:31:41] i'm i'm hesitant to do it

[1:31:43] do more

[1:31:44] pop culture critique

[1:31:46] uh... but i guess

[1:31:47] i mean we can use it as more than anything as a jumping off point to be

[1:31:51] silly boys

[1:31:52] uh... but i feel like if i was going to pick a medium that i am passionate about

[1:31:56] like i am about movies

[1:31:58] i'd probably pick

[1:31:59] like comic books like i'm i'm very passionate about comics

[1:32:03] uh...

[1:32:04] but i don't i don't know what specific i don't have a specific one queued up

[1:32:07] that i'm like i can't wait to roast uh... chris weir's fucking acme novelty

[1:32:12] library

[1:32:14] the novelty has worn off chris

[1:32:17] uh... yeah i i think uh...

[1:32:19] if if for some reason uh... blocking down the weekend along to move the

[1:32:22] podcast about that movies

[1:32:24] i might

[1:32:25] take the time to try to do something not based around bad media so i don't have

[1:32:29] to like subject myself to things that i know are not quality

[1:32:33] like that

[1:32:34] when this time only have

[1:32:35] i'm getting older i only have so much time in this universe i've got a it why

[1:32:39] it was spent on that

[1:32:40] that being said

[1:32:41] what comes to mind right off the bat

[1:32:43] long-time listeners know that there's a particular song that i think is the

[1:32:46] worst song ever written and i hate it

[1:32:48] and that's kokomo by the beach boys

[1:32:50] and i could see doing a podcast maybe a whole series taking that song apart and

[1:32:54] pointing out

[1:32:56] why it does why it should not exist and also it's problematic it's gross it's

[1:32:59] essentially song about

[1:33:00] a rich

[1:33:01] older middle-aged man

[1:33:03] trying to tempt a young girl to come with him to a mythical islands where you

[1:33:06] know she'd be at his mercy

[1:33:08] uh... and i've been on top of that if i could do a music podcast

[1:33:12] you know that the thing i'd love to tear into

[1:33:14] are all those municipal sculptures of robert indiana's love

[1:33:19] not a fan

[1:33:20] don't like it

[1:33:21] there was a summer i had to walk past that damn loves uh... sculpture in

[1:33:24] midtown manhattan everyday when i was working in midtown manhattan

[1:33:27] it was the

[1:33:29] worst moment of my day every time i had to walk by that thing

[1:33:32] somebody put a nickel in elliot somebody hold him back

[1:33:35] and i know that it is very privileged of me to say that the worst moment of my

[1:33:38] day at that time

[1:33:39] was looking at this sculpture for a moment as i walked past it obviously

[1:33:42] there were worse things going on in my life i was depressingly lonely

[1:33:45] and uh... and at a terrible place

[1:33:47] but it all seemed to come to a head when i would pass by the love sculpture

[1:33:51] uh... a huge sculpture

[1:33:52] winking its eye at me about the thing that at the time i felt i would never

[1:33:55] receive so robert indiana who died a few years ago

[1:33:58] you just got roasted

[1:33:59] oh wow

[1:34:00] tap dancing on his grave

[1:34:02] yeah uh... i mean

[1:34:04] yeah i kind of agree with it

[1:34:06] elliot in that like

[1:34:09] i don't want to commit myself to more

[1:34:12] bad shit uh...

[1:34:15] well the thing is like about movies like the kind of perfect for this sort of

[1:34:19] format because

[1:34:20] the

[1:34:21] time

[1:34:23] uh...

[1:34:24] investment is lower than reading a terrible novel

[1:34:28] uh... and meanwhile like i don't know what am i going to do like do a

[1:34:34] the museum of bad art is a great place to go but i'm not going to do

[1:34:38] you know more than five minutes of material

[1:34:42] like a bad uh... painting someone

[1:34:45] did like i think i would do something i'd rather than bad i would just like

[1:34:50] do something

[1:34:51] with it

[1:34:52] fun of it was how

[1:34:54] obscure and

[1:34:57] unimportant to anything going on in current

[1:35:00] day life it is like a real let's do it

[1:35:04] podcasts it's goes through all the little lulu comic books you know

[1:35:09] let's pick something very

[1:35:11] esoteric and just like focus on that because

[1:35:14] what the hell does it matter like it when it comes down to it like

[1:35:18] podcasts that i enjoy are more about like the people who do them than

[1:35:22] the topic i feel like our next podcast is going to be dan baking stuff and we're

[1:35:25] all together and then we all get to eat it and eat on mic

[1:35:29] which is what people want everyone loves it people love that sound everybody gets to hear the yummy sounds

[1:35:34] yeah

[1:35:35] uh...

[1:35:35] final letter

[1:35:37] well you know that's it you heard it that's the announcement our next podcast

[1:35:40] the bake house

[1:35:42] final letter for this episode in flop house mini number four i had an epiphany

[1:35:47] while listening to stewart's description of the fast nine trailer

[1:35:51] in which vin diesel quote catches a car while surfing on top of another car

[1:35:56] we're all familiar with ding dong gate and this fast nine trailer we have yet

[1:36:01] another instance of stewart's interpretation of the events diverging

[1:36:06] from the on-screen reality here we go again and it occurred to me

[1:36:12] it occurred to me is this how stewart always sees the world looking through

[1:36:17] stewart's eyes does everything appear just one notch cooler than it actually

[1:36:22] is

[1:36:23] think about this it would explain so much

[1:36:26] it may be the grand unified theory of stewart

[1:36:30] john last name withheld

[1:36:32] i think that's a pretty good theory

[1:36:34] yeah i mean it's possible i mean

[1:36:36] it's also weird when i'm like always right

[1:36:39] uh... yuck

[1:36:44] well thanks for writing and i'm glad that you enjoyed those trailers and the

[1:36:48] movie cast freak

[1:36:55] real pro this guy who just like pivots

[1:36:58] uh...

[1:37:00] okay well i guess

[1:37:02] that whimper means it's time to move on to the final segment of the show which

[1:37:06] is where we recommend a movie

[1:37:09] say you don't have the four hours to spend

[1:37:12] on a recut version oh you don't know what ellie's going to recommend

[1:37:16] on a recut version of uh...

[1:37:18] the thing that really got to me was seeing people on twitter being like

[1:37:21] hey the zack snyder cut comes out tomorrow i guess i'll watch the original

[1:37:24] tonight so i can compare the two and it's just like how much time do you have

[1:37:29] on your hands

[1:37:31] you can watch six hours of two versions of the same movie

[1:37:35] back to back

[1:37:36] i saw fellowship of the ring seven times in the theater

[1:37:40] but i was also in college and didn't have a particularly active social life

[1:37:47] uh... well the movie that i'm going to recommend uh... proves that i couldn't

[1:37:51] complain that about other people wasting their time

[1:37:55] i'm gonna recommend

[1:37:56] a little movie from nineteen ninety three

[1:37:59] starring one drew barrymore and it's called doppelganger

[1:38:04] this movie is

[1:38:05] ridiculous and uh... i really loved it it

[1:38:10] it feels like is definitely like

[1:38:13] an american

[1:38:15] giallo type thing it is like a brian de palma movie

[1:38:20] pumped up to twenty

[1:38:21] with like i don't know showtime after hours production

[1:38:26] quality

[1:38:27] drew barrymore in the lead playing someone who's supposed to be possibly

[1:38:31] threatening during that like period where they tried to sell

[1:38:34] drew barrymore as if she wasn't like

[1:38:36] inherently just like sort of sweet and lovable rather than

[1:38:40] you know uh... they tried to make her menacing uh...

[1:38:44] and it's uh... it's uh... it's a very strange movie

[1:38:48] that you think might

[1:38:51] end up you know like with a conventional twist or two

[1:38:55] and it gets much weirder than you

[1:38:57] think it is is that it would be and uh...

[1:39:00] i don't know i i i honestly can't tell

[1:39:03] whether i'm recommending as a good bad movie

[1:39:06] or movie i legitimately enjoyed it really

[1:39:09] straddles that line

[1:39:11] i feel like and that you you can only have lived that line a lot more than the

[1:39:14] rest of us and i admire you for it i'm always you know i'm just i'm just trying

[1:39:18] to

[1:39:19] that's where i want to be man i want them i'm looking for the next time

[1:39:22] now that raises edge

[1:39:24] uh... so about a week or so ago i was caught in the grips of second uh...

[1:39:31] second

[1:39:32] uh... vaccine fever

[1:39:34] and that's right

[1:39:35] uh... about twelve hours after getting my second dose of the moderna vaccine i

[1:39:39] was very feverish and sick

[1:39:41] and that lasted like twelve hours and i had the chills and i was bumming

[1:39:45] but you know what helped get me out of it that's right i watch a movie from

[1:39:48] nineteen ninety two called sneakers

[1:39:51] that's right i'm recommending sneakers today guys

[1:39:54] i watched sneakers and i ate some chinese food and i felt much better

[1:39:57] afterwards because you know what sneakers is great

[1:40:00] And what a cast we have here, that's right.

[1:40:02] Bobbie Redford.

[1:40:05] Are they there with you?

[1:40:07] It's like you're saying they're going to walk out on stage.

[1:40:10] That's right.

[1:40:11] All the stars.

[1:40:13] Bobbie Redford, Dan Aykroyd, Sidney Poitier.

[1:40:17] Shit, so many people.

[1:40:19] Mary MacDonald.

[1:40:20] Mary MacDonald, River Phoenix.

[1:40:23] That's right, not a lake.

[1:40:24] David Straythairn.

[1:40:25] We've got the whole river, David Straythairn.

[1:40:27] You know what?

[1:40:29] Ben Kingsley.

[1:40:30] And I'm into it.

[1:40:31] Ben Grimsby himself, Ben Kingsley, oh baby.

[1:40:34] And you know what?

[1:40:36] It's super fun.

[1:40:37] It is like a high-tech espionage thriller set in 1992, and it has technology that is

[1:40:44] appropriate for 1992, which is really great to see.

[1:40:47] Set in 1992 because it's from 1992, right?

[1:40:51] Yeah, yeah, it's not a period piece.

[1:40:53] In a way, it kind of is, right?

[1:40:56] Although they never address what I'm doing in 1992 when I was 12 years old, which is

[1:41:01] probably not much.

[1:41:02] I was probably going to soccer camp.

[1:41:04] This is my favorite reoccurring new bit, where Stewart expects every movie from the past

[1:41:11] to address where he was personally.

[1:41:14] I mean, I'm the audience, dude.

[1:41:15] They've got to play to me.

[1:41:16] Yeah, you're right.

[1:41:17] I mean, if Justice League has taught us anything.

[1:41:20] I'm putting fun books into the fucking slot, and they're giving me tickets.

[1:41:24] Release the Stewart cut of sneakers.

[1:41:26] Come on.

[1:41:27] Get it out of your vault, Swarder Brothers.

[1:41:29] So yeah, you know, sneakers is great.

[1:41:32] Give it a shot.

[1:41:33] Thanks.

[1:41:34] Elliot?

[1:41:35] I am going to say, if you're tired of watching 4-hour movies, why not try a tight 81-minute

[1:41:41] movie that takes place almost completely in real time, but it doesn't call attention

[1:41:46] to that?

[1:41:47] That's right, everybody.

[1:41:48] I'm talking about the Alan Juan Western, Silver Lode.

[1:41:52] So this is a movie from 1954, directed by the great Alan Juan.

[1:41:55] It was one of, I think, his last movies possibly, but I don't remember about that.

[1:42:00] Anyway, John Payne.

[1:42:02] Silverado?

[1:42:03] Silverado.

[1:42:04] It's that one.

[1:42:05] No, it's called Silver Lode.

[1:42:07] That's L-O-D-E.

[1:42:08] Silver Lode is the name of the town it takes place in.

[1:42:11] John Payne is a man who came to this town two years ago and quickly enamored everybody

[1:42:17] in it.

[1:42:18] He's about to get married on the 4th of July when a federal marshal, played by Dan Duryea,

[1:42:24] comes in and says, this man's wanted for murder.

[1:42:27] He's under arrest.

[1:42:28] Me and my men are going to take him.

[1:42:30] And people have to figure out in the town who are they going to believe.

[1:42:32] This man that they've come to love but only have known him for a little bit of time, or

[1:42:35] this guy who has the paperwork that says he's a federal marshal, but seems a little suspicious.

[1:42:40] And John Payne has to go and basically prove his innocence and stay alive while these guys

[1:42:45] are wandering around the town.

[1:42:46] And it is a real tight, fun movie.

[1:42:49] There's some really amazingly kind of choreographed, synchronized scenes using this western set

[1:42:54] and very few edits.

[1:42:57] And it's just super fun.

[1:42:58] And guys, is it in color?

[1:42:59] Yes, it's in color.

[1:43:00] So don't worry, you anti-black and white people.

[1:43:02] You can watch it in color.

[1:43:03] That's Silver Lode, and it may still be available on Amazon Prime.

[1:43:07] Just to watch for free if you have Amazon Prime.

[1:43:10] Well, those sound like three movies.

[1:43:15] Three movies that are, I think, about the combined runtime of Zack Snyder's Justice League.

[1:43:19] Yeah.

[1:43:20] Speaking of Zack Snyder's Justice League, I hope you have enjoyed, we hope you have enjoyed

[1:43:24] this first half of the Flophouse's version of Zack Snyder's.

[1:43:30] The Flophouse cut of Zack Snyder's cut.

[1:43:35] We've been watching Jack Snyder's Justice League, which is a different movie.

[1:43:40] They're a league that's searching for justice.

[1:43:42] First they have to figure out what justice means, but it's all part of Jack Snyder's grand vision.

[1:43:46] Zack Snyder's Just Ice League, which is not a hockey team that he belongs to.

[1:43:53] Not to be confused with George Lucas' Zuckus League, which is the movie he made about the bounty hunter Zuckus.

[1:43:58] Of course, he's the partner of Forlom.

[1:44:00] You'll see him in Empire Strikes Back for a half a second.

[1:44:02] Yeah, exactly.

[1:44:04] Anyway, point is, that's the first part of our coverage of Zack Snyder's Justice League.

[1:44:11] I'd like to thank, before we go, Jordan Cowling for doing all of our production work,

[1:44:16] making it sound not crazy and awful, hopefully.

[1:44:20] Thanks to Maximum Fun, our network.

[1:44:25] Go to MaximumFun.org to check out all the other great shows on the network.

[1:44:30] If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review on iTunes, or tweet about us,

[1:44:36] or tell a friend who says, hey, I'm thinking about getting into podcasts.

[1:44:41] And you say, probably you shouldn't do a podcast yourself, because there are too many podcasts right now.

[1:44:49] But here's one to listen to.

[1:44:51] Yeah, the Flophouse should be the one that you recommend.

[1:44:55] Or you should encourage your friend.

[1:44:58] Tell your friend to follow their dreams.

[1:45:00] Yeah, why not?

[1:45:01] Make a podcast.

[1:45:02] The barrier for entry is so low, what have you got to lose?

[1:45:05] Yeah, don't step on people's dreams.

[1:45:06] But if your friend is interested in making a podcast, don't recommend the Flophouse to them as the thing they should make.

[1:45:12] We're doing that already.

[1:45:13] We're already doing that.

[1:45:15] Because your friends will probably do it better, and that will make me feel bad.

[1:45:19] Yeah, just tell them to listen to it as just research, but research where they have to support all our sponsors.

[1:45:29] Anyway, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:45:34] Oh, thank you, Dirty Dan McCoy.

[1:45:35] It's me, Stuart Wellington, saying goodbye.

[1:45:38] And this is the first half of Elliot Kalen.

[1:45:40] You'll see the second half of Elliot Kalen in our next episode.

[1:45:43] Your butt?

[1:45:45] The end.

[1:45:47] Yeah, my butt.

[1:45:48] The end.

[1:45:49] What?

[1:45:59] Oh, no, I watched Tom Clancy's Justice League.

[1:46:02] Because he puts his names on a lot of stuff that he didn't actually write.

[1:46:12] Woo!

[1:46:17] Maximumfun.org, comedy and culture.

[1:46:20] Artist owned. Audience supported.

Ep. #338 - Zack Snyder's Justice League

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