FH Mini #27 - Video Games Killed the Movie Star

[0:00] Hey there, welcome to the Flop House.

[0:08] This is a podcast that's normally about bad movies, but today it's a F-F-F-F-F-Flop House

[0:14] Mini.

[0:15] That's right, it's a mini-sode.

[0:16] So when you look at the run time and you're like, oh wow, did they mess up and not actually

[0:20] watch a movie?

[0:21] Well, kind of.

[0:22] I watched two movies, but we'll talk about that in a second.

[0:25] My name is Stuart Wellington, I'm one of the hosts of the Flop House, and joining me are

[0:28] two great guys, yep, they're my regular co-hosts, and they'll introduce themselves in a second.

[0:34] They are...

[0:35] Dan McCoy.

[0:38] And Elliot Kalin, picking up his cues a little faster.

[0:41] I'm just thinking about, like, no, I was just spending some time thinking about how, I think

[0:45] all of us have the capability of starting the show, like, really professionally for

[0:51] a while, and then it just, like, it veers off the road pretty quickly.

[0:56] Immediately.

[0:57] Usually as soon as the others are brought in.

[0:59] Uh-huh.

[1:00] Yeah.

[1:01] Well, that's the thing, it's like I'm driving on a Mario Kart level, and I'm constantly

[1:04] thinking that's the shortcut.

[1:06] That's the thing that's gonna let me jump all over those idiots.

[1:10] Always wrong.

[1:11] I'm always in, like, a sand trap, or I hit some kind of piranha plant, but who cares?

[1:14] Suddenly a blue shell hits you, you're knocked off the course, everyone passes you because

[1:18] the game itself cheats.

[1:20] So...

[1:21] Oh, wow.

[1:22] Take it down.

[1:23] Whoa.

[1:24] This is not a controversial or new opinion, Mario Kart 64, at least, is a game where if

[1:29] you're playing it with just one player, if you get knocked off course, every other character

[1:34] will pass you.

[1:35] It's just the way the game do.

[1:37] Unlike real racing, when that never happens, but, you know, the real world doesn't cheat

[1:43] against you.

[1:44] Well, in real racing, the cars that are close to you will pass you, there's physics that

[1:48] they have to follow.

[1:49] Yeah, the real world doesn't cheat against you, but life does.

[1:53] That's true.

[1:54] So the distribution of blue shells and lightning bullets...

[1:57] Well, life does cheat against you.

[1:58] Well, it's not.

[1:59] Come on.

[2:00] Well, no, the system cheats against you, Dan, but, like, physical reality does.

[2:02] It's not like a bear is suddenly going to pull a trick on you.

[2:05] I don't know.

[2:06] Gravity did some pretty shady stuff to me the other day.

[2:09] Have you seen my testicles?

[2:11] Because gravity is not playing fair.

[2:13] I'm the subject of reality cheating against us.

[2:17] I don't know about you guys, but the last year has been pretty hard for me.

[2:22] Okay.

[2:23] I think it's been pretty hard for everybody, too.

[2:26] You know what?

[2:27] I could do a bit where I argue that the last year was terrific, but I won't, because...

[2:33] So the last year has been pretty hard.

[2:35] A little thing called Queen's Gambit, maybe you forgot?

[2:38] Best year ever.

[2:39] Oh, my mistake, yeah.

[2:40] That was a thing.

[2:41] It made me realize that if I just took enough drugs and played enough chess on the ceiling,

[2:45] I would...

[2:46] I don't know, I don't...

[2:48] That's the secret, is drug-induced upside-down ceiling chess.

[2:51] That's how you get through everything in life, yeah.

[2:54] The outfits and the set design was incredible on that program.

[2:58] But that's...

[2:59] We're not talking about Queen's Gambit.

[3:00] We're going to be talking about other stuff today.

[3:02] And we're talking about how, at least in my professional life, my non-podcast professional

[3:08] life, I've been having a little bit of difficulty feeling like I'm in control.

[3:14] I don't know about you guys.

[3:15] I'm assuming a lot of people are going through this, where you feel like you're at the whims

[3:18] of both a government, a pandemic that is horrible and still ongoing.

[3:29] And your fellow humans, who suddenly you realize are maybe more selfish and dumber than you

[3:35] thought.

[3:36] Yes.

[3:37] Dan, Mr. Policeman, they gave you all the clues.

[3:39] That should not have come as a surprise, Dan.

[3:41] That's true.

[3:42] So I don't know.

[3:44] I've been, in what little free time I do have, I've been going to great lengths to

[3:49] find things that give me a sense of control and satisfaction.

[3:54] And one of those things has been...

[3:56] Wait.

[3:57] Is that why that helper monkey you have a psychic link with has been murdering your

[4:00] enemies?

[4:01] Yes.

[4:02] And my enemies, weirdly enough, the list keeps growing.

[4:05] Somehow it gets longer.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:08] Yeah.

[4:09] That's a commentary on something.

[4:11] Yeah.

[4:12] I know.

[4:14] It's a commentary on how poorly discriminating monkeys are when it comes to varying levels

[4:17] of annoyance or obstacle irritation.

[4:20] That's true.

[4:21] Also, they don't have like great facial recognition for like one human versus another.

[4:26] No.

[4:27] They all look the same to it.

[4:28] Yeah.

[4:29] We all look the same to that.

[4:30] And it's also coupled with my poor drawing ability when I'm drawing my enemies on a piece

[4:33] of paper or a woolly willy.

[4:37] But so I've been playing video games.

[4:40] That's one of the ways that I've been able to get a little bit of control.

[4:44] And the video game lately, the thing that has given me the most satisfaction lately

[4:49] is a game called Hitman.

[4:52] Have you guys ever heard about Hitman?

[4:54] Have you played a Hitman game?

[4:56] I'm familiar with the trailers for the movies in which Timothy Olyphant is bald.

[5:01] Yes.

[5:02] We'll get to that.

[5:03] And I'm pretty sure I watched one of those movies.

[5:08] But perhaps for this podcast, I can't recall.

[5:11] But I remember nothing about it.

[5:13] I can only assume that it's based on the Garth Ennis-Joel McRae comic series from DC, Vertigo,

[5:19] Hitman.

[5:20] Isn't that the one where the Hitman can read people's minds?

[5:23] He has x-ray vision.

[5:25] I don't think he can read people's minds.

[5:26] Actually, it may not have been a Vertigo title now that I think about it because it was in

[5:30] the DCU proper in that he threw up on Batman's shoes and did all sorts of stuff like that.

[5:35] Yeah.

[5:36] I have to confirm that if I watched Hitman, it was not for this show, just in case you

[5:40] guys were worried that you also had lost some time.

[5:43] Oh, no.

[5:44] I know I've never seen any of these movies.

[5:45] I've got Clubhouse Live show viewers may have seen one of my live performances where I really

[5:51] took down Hitman movies.

[5:53] Not that series, but movies about paid assassins, which I don't think are cool now that I am

[5:58] a grown-up.

[5:59] Although, I mean, I feel like that topic and this topic are both in the public consciousness

[6:05] again now with the release of the sequel to The Hitman's Bodyguard.

[6:09] That's right.

[6:10] The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard trailer just dropped today.

[6:17] Are you riddled with guilt over your TBR pile?

[6:19] Are you filled with shame about a book that you just can't seem to finish?

[6:22] Are you having regrets because grad school killed your love of reading?

[6:28] Wear reading glasses and we're here to help.

[6:30] I'm Mallory.

[6:31] And I'm Bria.

[6:32] Let us absolve you of all your reading guilt.

[6:35] Stuck on a book you don't like?

[6:36] We'll help you dump it.

[6:37] Can't figure out what to read next?

[6:39] We'll recommend something in your wheelhouse.

[6:41] Can't decide where to buy your books from?

[6:43] We'll point you in the right direction.

[6:44] No matter what you read or how you read it.

[6:47] We'll help you do it better.

[6:49] Reading glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Publish.

[6:57] Macho man to the top rope.

[6:59] The flying elbow.

[7:00] The cover.

[7:04] We've got a new champion.

[7:09] We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion.

[7:13] What are you going to do now, Match?

[7:14] I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast.

[7:19] Oh yeah.

[7:20] Tell us more about this podcast.

[7:22] It's the podcast of power.

[7:23] Too sweet to be sour.

[7:24] Funky like a monkey.

[7:26] Woke discussions, man.

[7:28] And jokes about wrestlers' fashion choices.

[7:31] Myself excluded.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:33] I can't wait to listen.

[7:34] Neither can I.

[7:35] You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun.

[7:38] Oh yeah.

[7:39] Dig it.

[7:42] You know, I'm kind of, I feel like I'm the resident Flophouse gamer, right?

[7:48] I don't know if I'm an expert.

[7:50] I would say, as far as I'm concerned, yes, you're an expert.

[7:53] I mean, I could probably draw most of the maps of Bloodborne complete with enemy location

[7:59] and major key item drops, but does that make me an expert?

[8:07] You know, I was going to make a joke about you wasting your time and then I thought about

[8:12] all the movies I watched.

[8:13] I mean, not just the number, the type.

[8:16] So, continue.

[8:17] That's true.

[8:19] So, I had put off the Hitman franchise for a long time until recently.

[8:25] They just came out with the third in the, like, current arc of Hitman games and a friend

[8:31] got it for me and then that got me to go back and play Hitman from 2016.

[8:37] But I guess the series has been around since, like, 2000.

[8:40] The dawn of time.

[8:41] Yep.

[8:42] The dawn of time.

[8:43] Hitmen have existed forever.

[8:45] I feel like that sounds like a storyline from a Hitman movie.

[8:48] Yeah.

[8:49] That's part of the opening crawl.

[8:51] Is it Assassin's Creed?

[8:53] Is that the one where it's like a centuries-long Assassin's Guild?

[8:56] That's, I believe so.

[8:58] I believe the, I started playing the first Assassin's Creed game and I immediately began

[9:03] in the future entering a VR chamber and I'm like, fuck this.

[9:10] I'm sure it's probably cool, but it was just, at that point, I was like, not for me.

[9:14] It was also the, my school paper on Hitmen.

[9:19] Since the beginning of time, Hitmen have killed for money.

[9:24] Is this accurate?

[9:25] I don't know if it's since the beginning of time.

[9:27] Yeah, since the big bang.

[9:29] What was the big bang, but just the sound of the first gun shooting the frog's paid target.

[9:33] And that gun sound?

[9:34] Bazinga.

[9:37] That target, of course, was nothingness.

[9:40] The void.

[9:41] So I had put off trying out these games because I don't know about, like, I'm assuming you

[9:45] don't know very much about it other than maybe the trailer for the movie or pictures.

[9:49] I know, they're all bald and they have barcodes on their necks, right?

[9:52] They have bald barcodes?

[9:53] It seems like a serious game about bald, besuited Hitmen with barcodes on the back.

[10:00] their heads and they're always carrying like twin nickel-plated 45s like they

[10:04] just bbw bald besuited what's that barcode about that's what it stands for

[10:08] that's what it said that's that's wow part of my good weird that like they're

[10:14] two bees but for the barcode one yeah yeah circle around wondering about

[10:19] doors bald bald and besuited speak for themselves but what's that part about

[10:23] maybe W but so seeing that like seeing the ads always gave me the impression

[10:29] they were going to be an act their action games and they're gonna be like

[10:33] grim or maybe stealth base but like definitely grim and maybe would like

[10:37] weird religious bullshit mixed in you know there there's like crosses or

[10:43] cross-like images and all the posters but so I started playing the first hit

[10:48] man game and I gotta tell you it is not like that at all it is very silly

[10:52] there's almost no action anytime that I like pick up a fucking gun it's a

[10:57] mistake if I have to start shooting dudes that is not the point of the game

[11:00] both because I'm bad at it and also because almost immediately I get shot to

[11:04] death which doesn't happen in the movies as I'll talk about in a second no he

[11:08] the hero rarely gets shot to death Bonnie and Clyde yeah I mean well I mean

[11:16] in the hitman movie stand but I guess I said rarely I didn't say it's right we

[11:24] don't live in a world where Bonnie and Clyde is the totality of movies because

[11:27] then what would I show my kids on movie night I don't want to tell them Bonnie

[11:31] and Clyde why not it's a great movie but they're not ready for it yeah they don't

[11:34] need to they don't they don't need to know the the truth about Melvin Purvis

[11:38] yeah just yet yeah you got a hero you gotta edge him on cars movies until you

[11:43] for the you want to give him the big climb I was like hey you want to see

[11:46] another movie where people drive cars it's called Bonnie and Clyde like not

[11:50] yet dad for it the so they turn out to be much sillier than I expected they're

[11:57] mainly like you're basically plopped in a level that's like a big kind of like

[12:02] sandbox II world for instance in the first level you're at a Paris fashion

[12:08] show that is in a museum and there's also an illegal like arms deal thing

[12:12] going on upstairs okay and now when you say sandbox II you mean like shovels

[12:16] pails you can see you can find shovels there's probably kids pee don't know

[12:23] about pails I haven't gotten that far in the game yet now I I do have to say that

[12:27] I've only played the first of these games although I bought the other two

[12:31] because I was very excited about it so and like almost immediately you you run

[12:37] into a like a possible storyline where you can you can take out and then

[12:44] impersonate a world-famous male model who is also a spy and at that point I'm

[12:49] like this is not a serious like grim face so much of the game is based on

[12:54] knocking dudes out and taking their clothes every every male characters

[13:00] clothes ought definitely fit you which is I mean that's great now what a

[13:04] fantasy just speaking as someone who has to return some jeans that I ordered

[13:15] by via the mail because I can't go to stores and they did not fit me to know

[13:19] that the clothes will fit me ahead of time would be an exciting I gotta let

[13:23] you know Elliot the the Jenko brand they don't they you can't return something I

[13:31] learned about the size of Elliot he would look like you know like a one of

[13:38] those sorry something I learned when I when I shopping for pants when I was a

[13:46] young man was that apparently there are two kinds of short people there are

[13:51] three skinny short guys and I'm one of them and then there are hundreds and

[13:55] hundreds of very fat short men because I would find all these pants where it was

[13:58] like a 29 leg and a 45 waist and I'm like I can't how is this the only pant

[14:03] you have in the store this is crazy I guess I'll have to invest in what belts

[14:09] what would you do dude did you wear belts do you stuff a pillow in your in

[14:13] your pants yeah I just strap on my Norbit suit put the pants on over that

[14:16] cool I think this is the place to start you know start pitching your idea for

[14:21] your what is it a small and small store I don't know I was trying to think

[14:28] the opposite of a big and it's like a kid's store yeah I see Elliot is oddly

[14:37] quiet I think he's looking up ways to burn us back for making fun of his love

[14:41] of chinko jeans so I started playing this game I love it it's so much fun

[14:45] it's every episode is like a puzzle I think one of the McElroy's described them

[14:50] as like Tony Hawk but for murder and it's totally true like each level you're

[14:54] trying to find new ways to murder your targets personal favorite was when I

[15:00] think it really clicked for me when I found out I could push one target off a

[15:04] balcony and have them land on another target it's amazing it was so great so

[15:09] did that kill them yeah because they felt like three stories okay that's fair

[15:15] I thought maybe it was just like you push them over their back like like

[15:18] shoving somebody in a prank and not to not to go too deep into spoiler

[15:21] territory but of course in order to accomplish that I had to steal the

[15:25] fireworks display control so I could get them to go outside to look at the

[15:29] fireworks display I love the idea of an assassins plan that hinges on the victim

[15:35] being interested in fireworks and having a remote control to set them up and I

[15:42] haven't even we haven't even gotten into the exploding golf ball yet guys but so

[15:46] I I love this game so much it's so much fun I'm taking like it is it is you know

[15:53] the one light in my life right now plus my wife I love you Charlene but I but

[15:59] very much she's in a secondary position to the hitman video game franchise I

[16:02] mean that's the thing she she rarely brings exploding golf balls into my life

[16:10] or lets me kill somebody with an antique cannon or tricks a trick a target into

[16:15] thinking I'm the ghost of his dead mother and let me kill him with a plague

[16:18] doctor's knife yeah so the love of these games led me down a dark path and the

[16:28] other day I started killing people for real see if the joy brings over into the

[16:33] real life it does not you've felt nothing but guilt and sorrow since then

[16:36] uh you would think Elliot but that's not the case I love it I am I'm only happier

[16:43] I've list I've started listening to a lot of Huey Lewis in the news I watch

[16:48] myself in the mirror all the time yeah you bought a clear raincoat for some

[16:52] reason yeah some reason wink I said that because you know it's not a visual

[17:00] medium podcast so know that the dark path I went down is of course watching

[17:04] the 2007 feature film hitman starring Timothy Oliphant now this movie is I'm

[17:10] assuming inspired by the an earlier arc of the games before I started playing

[17:15] them and I got us to tell you not a very good movie Dan well I'm sure watched it

[17:21] due to his love of Timothy Oliphant in action movies and you do not remember a

[17:25] lick of it right no I mean it don't lick your yeah I mean all fonts like has so

[17:33] much charisma and I what I remember is that not being there in that movie you

[17:39] would be correct yeah he I believe in an interview he even said something like

[17:43] while he was making it the whole time he's like why did they cast me for this

[17:48] why didn't they cast Vin Diesel he would have been great at this yeah because

[17:55] yeah in this case it's basically like it feels like a knockoff transporter movie

[17:59] he's just running around st. Petersburg Russia getting into trouble he's framed

[18:05] for murdering somebody he very rarely knocks people out and changes their and

[18:09] steals their clothes does he at all he chased he he steals clothes once and

[18:17] then immediately is spotted like that's the opposite of how the game works at

[18:22] that point yeah it's crazy the the there was one moment where I'm like oh man

[18:27] he's actually going to do what happens in the game all the time that's he makes

[18:33] he makes a target drink a poison that is nor in the game that's rat poison

[18:39] but it's something to make him sick target goes to the bathroom normally in

[18:43] the game what happens is that agent 47 that's the hero's name agent 40 that's

[18:46] who you play agent 40s in the game he would normally go up and drown him in

[18:51] the toilet that's like signature move I've done that shit a million times this

[18:55] does sound like a fun goofy game this does sound like a silly fun family

[18:59] friendly drowning your victim in the toilet game yeah I mean we should we

[19:04] should like screen to screen that shit right get get the boys watching it you

[19:10] could watch you give me tips on how I can kill people we should we'll talk

[19:14] about this after the show so I would love that well one of them would so the

[19:18] one chance one time he does poison a guy and follows him into the bathroom

[19:22] instead of drowning him he just pulls out some guns and starts a blast and

[19:25] dudes in the head it's so boring like I can watch any movie and see that happen

[19:30] I don't always get to see somebody get drowned in a toilet unless of course and

[19:36] there's also like a little bit of a love story in there which is weird cuz it's

[19:41] like this character doesn't love anything the only thing he loves is

[19:45] changing clothes and you know coming up with inventive ways to kill killing for

[19:49] money exactly like I don't want to see like who

[19:52] falls in love with that's crazy I guess wait wait why don't wait why don't you

[19:57] want to see the Cubert falls in love with well

[20:00] Because, I mean, Qbert's not a love story.

[20:02] I mean, I was about to say Pac-Man, but there's a Mrs.

[20:04] Pac-Man, right?

[20:05] Yeah, but that's his mom.

[20:06] Well, it's a Ms.

[20:07] Pac-Man, so their marital status is not made clear by the prefix

[20:12] there.

[20:13] I assumed it was, I always assumed it was his mom, and she

[20:15] was like, you don't do it right.

[20:16] Let me show you how to do it.

[20:18] Yeah.

[20:19] And I think you're working through some feelings, Elliot.

[20:23] Very much so.

[20:23] And I wonder, I wonder if, I'm just surprised you're not

[20:27] interested in who Qbert would fall in love with, because it's

[20:28] like, how would he do it?

[20:30] With the nose?

[20:31] Yeah, 100% with the nose.

[20:34] You know, you know, you know him and that coily spring snake

[20:37] have experimented a little bit.

[20:38] He is one of the few early arcane characters who talks

[20:42] dirty, so I, you know, he's got a, I'm sure, I mean, he's like

[20:47] one step away from a dirty, like, Ralph Bakshi cartoon,

[20:50] right?

[20:51] Yeah, yeah, probably.

[20:52] Yeah.

[20:53] So after watching that movie, you know, it was kind of a

[20:57] bummer, but you know what?

[20:58] I was undeterred.

[20:59] So I decided to fire up Hitman Agent 47, the second Hitman

[21:04] movie that is not a sequel.

[21:06] It is kind of a reboot.

[21:08] And it is also not really related to the video games.

[21:11] This case, they ditch Timothy Oliphant.

[21:13] They're like, we don't need America's cowboy.

[21:16] And they replaced him with the actor Rupert Friend, who I

[21:20] remembered from Homeland, I think.

[21:22] I don't know.

[21:24] And this is, again, like, this is more of an action-y movie.

[21:28] In this case, they cast Agent 47, the titular character, as

[21:32] more of like a Terminator type figure, where for a while you

[21:36] think he's the bad guy and that Zachary Quinto is the good guy.

[21:39] Although I got to tell you, as soon as I see Zachary Quinto

[21:42] show up, I'm like, he's probably the bad guy, you know?

[21:45] And that's why I stopped watching those Star Trek movies

[21:47] with you and then also didn't watch The Boys in the Band with

[21:50] you, because I did not need to just be yelling out, there's

[21:54] the bad guy, there's the villain.

[21:55] Yeah, yeah.

[21:56] Any time somebody's left alone.

[21:57] Kirk, watch out for Spock.

[21:59] Any time they're left alone in a room with him, like, watch

[22:02] out, you know, oh, he's doing you dirty.

[22:05] So Zachary Quinto's in it.

[22:07] And early on, Jurgen Prochnow shows up and you're like, oh,

[22:11] great, here's, you know, Jurgen Prochnow's getting a book.

[22:13] That's great.

[22:14] Later on, you know what?

[22:15] Big surprise, Kieran Hines shows up.

[22:18] So I was like, I was satisfied with Jurgen Prochnow, but you're

[22:21] giving me Kieran Hines?

[22:22] I am fucking lucky today.

[22:24] I just, I just wanted to, I just wanted to mention something

[22:26] earlier, you said they try to set up Agent 47, like he's the bad guy.

[22:30] He is the bad guy.

[22:31] He, people pay him to kill other people.

[22:33] So he's, he is the villain.

[22:36] Okay.

[22:36] I, you know, I guess, you know, you're right, I mean, if you want

[22:39] to go by your conventional, you know, uh, uh, religious morality

[22:43] where killing people is bad.

[22:45] We're, I guess when I say bad guy, good guy, I'm, you know, we're talking

[22:49] traditional protagonist antagonist.

[22:52] Um, I forget sometimes that you are a follower of the church of

[22:54] Thelma and that do what that wilt is the whole of the law.

[22:57] And so, you know what?

[22:59] Go with it.

[22:59] Yes.

[23:00] Uh, uh, now in this case, Agent 47 swaps clothes a couple of times.

[23:04] Thumbs up.

[23:05] He uses a couple of like, uh, he uses a couple of like gadgets.

[23:09] That's cool.

[23:10] I guess.

[23:11] Uh, he does.

[23:12] He's a little, does he ever swap clothes with someone who's

[23:15] just really inappropriate for him to swap clothes with?

[23:17] Like in the video game or in the movie?

[23:19] In the movie, like the Hamburglar or like two kids in a trench coat.

[23:23] We're trying to get into a movie or something.

[23:25] I mean, once again, we're talking about a character that in the first

[23:28] game, you can swap clothes with a male model and then walk the

[23:32] runway before completing your job.

[23:35] He's like human target, you know, he becomes the person.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:38] He's great.

[23:39] Uh, he flips around a lot, which I don't think based on, I was reading

[23:45] a Reddit thread earlier on Hitman where they posit the question,

[23:48] can agent 47 do a flip?

[23:50] And I don't know if he can.

[23:52] I mean, I guess if the role required him to, that would make sense, but I don't

[23:56] know, I've been thinking about it for hours.

[23:58] Yeah.

[23:58] I think here's something I want.

[23:59] I want to get back to the clothes.

[24:00] Cause that's really what piqued my interest is what if he needs

[24:04] to, he needs to sneak in somewhere.

[24:06] The only person who's nearby is Elton John dressed up as Donald duck.

[24:09] He knocks out Elton John doesn't take the whole costume, just the clothing

[24:13] part of the Donald duck costume.

[24:15] Now he's walking around wearing a sailor cap, sailor jacket, no pants,

[24:18] just penis hanging out.

[24:20] Is that going to get in the way of his finishing the mission or what?

[24:24] I mean, I think it, I think it depends.

[24:26] Um, you're going to have to double, make sure that the, uh, that the

[24:30] sentries, uh, are, don't have a little white circle above their head.

[24:34] That indicates that they, if they had the white circle, that would

[24:37] mean they're onto you or whatever.

[24:39] And then you'd have to be a little more stealthy, but I don't think so.

[24:41] I mean, I think that sounds like a pretty good disguise, right?

[24:44] I think, especially when he does the Elton John accent and he's like, hello,

[24:47] governor, just going over to me.

[24:49] Piani going to play a music songs over there on the barbie.

[24:52] He doesn't know where I'm from.

[24:54] That's fucking incredible.

[24:55] Did you, Ellie, did you just watch rocket man?

[24:58] I just watched rocket man, but not the Elton John rocket man.

[25:02] It was the, uh, was it, uh, Harlan Williams rocket man?

[25:05] Yes, that was the, it was a deed Harlan.

[25:10] So, uh, to be honest, I think hitman agent 47, despite having no Tim, the

[25:16] Oliphant turned out to be a better movie.

[25:19] Uh, but was it as good?

[25:20] Was it really the hitman experience I was looking for?

[25:23] No.

[25:23] Should I have spent my time just playing more hitman?

[25:27] Probably.

[25:29] Uh, but then I wouldn't have had all these great stories to tell you guys.

[25:32] Well, you have these stories of the expanded hitmaniverse.

[25:37] Uh, so, uh, you can check in later, uh, I guess next week we'll be doing,

[25:41] me doing the exact same thing, but for mortal combat in honor of the

[25:44] mortal combat movie coming out.

[25:46] Uh, I mean, there's no promise of that.

[25:49] We actually have a normal episode coming up.

[25:52] My episode sounds better than normal.

[25:54] So this would be, this would be you telling us about the game mortal

[25:58] combat and then the old mortal combat movie.

[26:00] Is that, is that what you're offering?

[26:01] I mean, most likely what, what I would do is I would be telling you the entire

[26:06] story from the story mode of mortal combat nine, which is the best

[26:09] of the mortal combat series.

[26:11] Is that the one with Freddie in it?

[26:12] Uh, Freddie does.

[26:13] He is a DLC character in mortal combat nine, but he's not in the story mode.

[26:17] I mean, he doesn't fit into the universe.

[26:20] He's just there for battles.

[26:21] Uh, how can he fit into the, how can he fit into the universe full of

[26:24] cyborgs and four armed monster men?

[26:27] How, how would Freddie fit into that?

[26:28] Actually a pretty good argument.

[26:30] Ed Boon is probably going to come.

[26:32] Uh, I don't know.

[26:32] Finish me.

[26:33] I will say in the old mortal combat movie, I did, I haven't seen it since I saw the

[26:37] theaters as a young person, as a teenager.

[26:39] And I remember thinking that Goro, who is a four armed giant monster man was

[26:44] introduced with very little fanfare.

[26:46] He was kind of introduced as if it was nothing special.

[26:51] That's actually like, it was like Gilgamesh Island.

[26:54] It's like, and the rest, wait, that guy's four arms.

[26:59] Uh, but yeah, thanks so much for letting me talk about the game.

[27:02] Uh, letting me talk about my new favorite passion, uh, hit man.

[27:06] Uh, and I guess go to see the hit man, wife's bodyguard, uh, trailer on YouTube.

[27:14] Uh, they're not sponsoring us this week, right?

[27:17] What?

[27:18] I don't even know what you're talking about.

[27:21] Is that a Peter Greenaway movie?

[27:22] The hit man, his wife, his, her bodyguard and some other people, man.

[27:27] I, I guess I have the wrong audience.

[27:30] You guys, you guys aren't super into like cool Hollywood stuff, huh?

[27:33] You're not on.

[27:34] No, sure.

[27:35] I'm not into cool Hollywood.

[27:40] Uh, all right.

[27:41] I think that you're saying that this is the end of the flop house though.

[27:44] Not the, the flop house podcast.

[27:45] See you guys later.

[27:48] Not the entity.

[27:49] The police are here to take me away.

[27:51] Stuart only has room in his life for one thing and that's the hit man video game.

[27:55] Not, he doesn't have time for a podcast.

[27:58] All right.

[27:59] Uh, thanks so much to, uh, our network maximum fun.

[28:03] If you like our show, uh, and this episode, for some reason, there's

[28:07] probably other better shows on their network.

[28:10] Um, you, thank you to Jordan Cowling, our producer for editing this, uh,

[28:15] garbage into something listenable.

[28:17] Uh, thank you to my cohost, Dan Elliott.

[28:19] You've been with me through thick and thin, and you know what?

[28:21] It's only going to get worse from here.

[28:23] You know,

[28:24] are we getting married or did you win an award or are you, are you dying?

[28:29] What's happening?

[28:29] I don't understand.

[28:31] I said the police here, they're taking me away.

[28:33] I have 10 seconds.

[28:35] That's right.

[28:35] To the funny farmer.

[28:36] Life is sweet.

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:38] Uh, I've been for the flop house.

[28:40] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[28:42] I've been Dan McCoy.

[28:44] I am very confused, but I'm also Elliot Kalin.

[28:47] Bye.

[28:54] Maximum fun.org comedy and culture.

[28:57] Artist owned audience supported.

FH Mini #27 - Video Games Killed the Movie Star

Transcript

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