FH Mini #28 - McCoy Boy Talking Tubi to Tu-Boy and NYU-Boy Tonight All Right

[0:00] uh...

[0:04] everyone on the flophouse i'm dan mccoy

[0:07] well a democrats me stewart wellingtown

[0:12] and it's me elliot kaelin i'd considered mispronouncing my own name the way

[0:16] stewarded his life i think i was going to go with the accurate transfer at

[0:19] friends and yet

[0:21] pronunciation yet yet yet yet yet relation for the integrity of the

[0:23] military or risk the idea of there might be someone listening for the very first

[0:28] time

[0:29] uh... comes away from the show

[0:31] you know loving you there are big hollywood producer but they think your

[0:35] name

[0:36] is elliot

[0:37] kahlon

[0:39] and i would not want to cannot track you down after that

[0:42] and uh... yes i mean it's spelled the same

[0:45] yes somebody might go on uh... wikipedia after listening to this and be like i

[0:49] gotta look at this wellingtown guy and then be very disappointed

[0:53] unless there is like a really cool stewart wellington that i'm stealing the

[0:57] stealing the valor of

[0:59] we'll find out

[1:01] that was uh...

[1:03] unrelated to this podcast this was normally a podcast that is about

[1:07] watching a bad movie and then this is this was normally a podcast? Did something happen?

[1:12] Is this where you're breaking up with us again?

[1:14] on uh... on most uh...

[1:17] episodes

[1:18] uh... you know even though we're going back and forth that's still technically

[1:22] true because there are more regular episodes of these minis

[1:25] we started recently

[1:27] uh... on a regular episode we talk about a bad movie that we have watched

[1:31] uh... but in this

[1:33] episode the minis is an irregular irregular episode which means that it

[1:37] didn't come out quite right and you can get it

[1:39] for a lot less at the outlet store yeah it's the first pancake

[1:43] uh... this is inspected by number thirteen and they said not not going to

[1:47] the main store and they threw it off the conveyor belt

[1:49] into a big bin that said irregulars

[1:53] the point is this is an off week episode starring sylvester stallone

[1:56] really as jedediah irregular the leader of the irregulars

[2:01] does he do an accent?

[2:03] he does uh... heavy

[2:05] heavy irish accent yes interesting okay

[2:08] yeah yeah heavy

[2:10] uh... anyway this is a an off week episode a flop house mini where the only

[2:14] rule is there are no rules except also probably you know like moral laws are

[2:20] still in effect

[2:22] don't like murder anyone

[2:25] uh... treat everyone with you know uh... respect for the common humanity all that

[2:29] stuff but otherwise no rules yeah you're covering all the bases

[2:35] uh... what if what if that was the eleventh commandment thou shalt have no

[2:38] rules

[2:39] and you're like this guy is cool

[2:42] there shalt be no wrong just right

[2:45] uh... yeah

[2:47] the eleventh commandment thou shalt not

[2:49] and it's like wait so you're saying was that your way of saying not god

[2:54] yes

[2:57] it was

[2:57] i mean that joke is kind of old references old god like it's done like

[3:01] it's really tired for you to say not at the end of something so god's like

[3:06] all time is the same to me i i i don't experience it the same way you do for me

[3:10] wayne's world just came out and i'm like really so god you're behind us when it

[3:13] comes to mike myers movies

[3:15] yeah i cannot wait for the love guru oh god unknown guide you don't know i don't

[3:19] want to do so

[3:23] listeners if you have a better way of introducing flop house man he's right

[3:26] into the flop house because truly do it we still don't know how to do it uh...

[3:31] but you know

[3:32] oftentimes these off week episodes still have something to do with movies

[3:35] sometimes stewart just reads us a story he wrote about snakes who knows but this

[3:39] time

[3:40] it is a movie

[3:42] related when i'm i'm challenging you to

[3:45] i'm saying

[3:47] would you like to play a game

[3:49] from this game

[3:50] is titled

[3:52] to be or not to be

[3:54] now

[3:55] of course during the streaming uh... during that pandemic streaming services

[3:59] uh... and

[4:00] had even greater importance in uh...

[4:03] in people's lives i have

[4:05] explored all of the greater than the importance they've had for centuries

[4:09] you know

[4:10] apparently

[4:11] traveler on the other

[4:13] uh... reaches a pain and pleasure looking through all these streaming

[4:16] services

[4:17] you've got a little bit of a level what movie did we use to be for to uh...

[4:23] do a movie on the podcast uh...

[4:25] okay so that meant the legend of matt and i was the uh... the guy who was the

[4:29] one that i have a lesson with the guy

[4:31] there was a little bit of a movie now that i've signed up to be and i picked

[4:36] deadly lessons as the only movie i will ever watch on tv

[4:40] it makes the

[4:41] multiple emails i get everyday recommending things

[4:46] like it's crazy

[4:48] yet now to me

[4:49] is a is a is a great repository of nonsense but in the past i'm so i was

[4:53] just like to be what is this off-brand like weird

[4:57] service what is this like no one uses it that i can tell

[5:01] uh... you know like it

[5:03] it replaced crackle in my mind as like the go-to like

[5:08] uh... who

[5:09] is watching

[5:10] but then

[5:11] but then again but then you ran into an old man who said to be

[5:14] to be burned down forty years ago and then i realized that the

[5:19] version i had on my

[5:21] uh... apple tv was magic

[5:22] and so i

[5:24] had to go back and check it out

[5:26] uh... well the thing is to be is uh... uh... it actually has

[5:30] many fine

[5:31] films you can watch

[5:33] uh... for free although it's true says that you will see advertisements and if

[5:37] there are

[5:38] more popular movies you'll see more advertisements but

[5:41] uh... it is also the greatest repository of just nonsense trash that you'll find

[5:46] as well because their strategy was

[5:48] okay we cannot be netflix

[5:50] we don't have netflix money we're gonna spend

[5:53] our money

[5:54] buying up

[5:55] crap in bulk

[5:57] and we're gonna like you're you're just gonna be swimming in content and uh...

[6:01] so if there's anything weird you want to find there's a chance it's going to be on

[6:05] tubi

[6:06] so

[6:08] uh... this this reminds me of dan when you your old stand-up routine

[6:12] you might just be on tubi if you're a low-budget movie nobody's ever heard of

[6:17] but they're probably gonna watch

[6:19] you might be on tubi

[6:21] yeah go on that was when you were red fox you were jeff fox tubi

[6:25] that was the name of your stand-up comedy character yeah yeah

[6:30] not jeff tubi worthy i feel like would be more appropriate

[6:34] i mean it doesn't really scan jeff tubi worthy maybe yeah i think

[6:39] jeff fox tubi really got it across it's also dan would sell a tube of foxes

[6:44] uh... that was the souvenir that he would have you sign it was a tube with a

[6:46] real live fox in it

[6:48] uh... but his whole bit is whether or not you might be on tubi i feel like tubi

[6:52] worthy is a

[6:54] name that just it like it ties in with the bit right it's a thinker

[6:58] it doesn't it's not one that you get immediately it's when you have to think

[7:00] about a little bit and dan's audience is not a thinking audience that's why you guys

[7:04] are the professionals and i'm just you know this amateur

[7:08] bartender podcaster

[7:10] non-comedy writer you know what i mean tube man

[7:13] you're a tube man you should know you're tube man i'm a professional also

[7:18] because the period where i was kind of like

[7:20] protecting slash assassin mentoring a young natalie borman

[7:23] okay sure

[7:24] well let's uh... let's

[7:26] just get into the rules of this game tubi or not tubi

[7:29] uh... there are ten rounds so let's not dawdle

[7:33] oh boy if i had known that i would have stopped making the jokes a long time ago

[7:37] the jeff fox tubi jokes would not have come out if i knew there were ten rounds to get through

[7:41] you gotta open with that dan they should be short rounds

[7:45] once again the name of the game is tubi or not tubi from the book of saw right

[7:51] yeah exactly

[7:54] so

[7:55] uh... here's how it will go i'm gonna read out

[7:57] three titles

[7:59] okay you guys are each gonna put in a vote for what you think

[8:04] is uh... is the movie that is on tubi there's

[8:08] one movie that is a real movie on tubi there are two options that are things

[8:13] that i just made up

[8:15] two tubi options

[8:16] out of my own so you have one tubi movie and two faux tubi movies

[8:21] faux tubis that's uh... the perfect way of saying it

[8:24] uh...

[8:25] and so

[8:26] i'll just have you each enter your votes in beforehand to be fair you can

[8:30] you can vote for the same thing it's fine

[8:33] but we'll see who's thank you

[8:35] thanks professor

[8:37] look it's my game

[8:41] you're objecting to the idea that i'm explaining what i can and can't vote for

[8:45] gerfuerer i appreciate it

[8:47] anyway do you want us to text us your should we text you our answers

[8:51] i think you could just say it do we need to write it down on a piece of paper and then put the paper on our foreheads so we can't see our answer

[8:59] honor system

[9:01] uh... i will believe so i don't need to tie it to the leg of this raven

[9:05] and send it to you

[9:07] i mean look if you want to change your goddamn answer because the other person's

[9:11] answer go right ahead i don't care it's dumb

[9:14] podcast game called tubi or not tubi

[9:19] i'm already abandoning my own premise

[9:21] okay

[9:22] so first of all that's what they said at the end of there will be blood he goes i abandoned my premise

[9:27] give me the blood i abandoned my premise

[9:29] i abandoned my premise now i'm a spaceman

[9:32] give me an astronaut costume

[9:35] i ruin your podcast bit that's what he says at the end

[9:40] okay round one

[9:42] i'll give you three titles only one is correct as a tubi movie you can watch

[9:47] tonight if you so chose

[9:49] uh... i will

[9:50] okay

[9:52] title one

[9:53] stocking strangler three the pantyhose pervert

[9:58] uh... title two

[10:00] Clifford's Bottom. Clifford's Bottom.

[10:04] And thirdly, Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds.

[10:10] So we've got Stalking Strangler 3, The Pantyhose Pervert, Clifford's Bottom,

[10:15] and Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds, which is the 2B movie.

[10:19] Elliot, I'll ask you first this time.

[10:22] Now, I feel like it—I don't think it's the first one,

[10:25] because it feels like that subtitle would come earlier than number three in the series.

[10:29] Clifford's Bottom, that's a legal issue,

[10:33] unless it literally is about a proctological exam for a big red dog.

[10:38] I don't think they would try for that.

[10:41] So I'm going to go with number three, Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds,

[10:45] which I don't want to know what it's about. Do not tell me.

[10:47] Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds. Stuart?

[10:50] I also selected number three as I carefully hid my selection behind my hand.

[10:57] No way I could have faked that. No way.

[10:59] No sleight of hand here. Impossible to—

[11:01] Because if not—if this is a fake made-up thing,

[11:05] it just makes me wonder why you'd be wasting such gold on our dumb podcast

[11:09] and not pitching a sequel to the hit film, Eating Out 1.

[11:15] Well, you are both tube spurts, because—

[11:19] Ew. I don't like that at all.

[11:22] Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds, is it?

[11:25] I'm sorry, Elliot, I will not be honoring your request to not know what the movie is.

[11:30] I will be explaining the winners in each category, or the real ones in each category, not winners.

[11:35] And real quick, because we're both tube spurts, tube squirts, tube spurts,

[11:41] Jordan, can you just throw in the tube spurt sound effect in there for us to celebrate, too?

[11:45] Yeah, yeah, the spurting tube sound effect.

[11:47] Oh, God. Okay, well, Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds, that's from 2006,

[11:52] and in Eating Out—

[11:54] Oh, it's 15th anniversary this year.

[11:57] Yep. In Eating Out, Kyle convinces his straight roommate to pretend to be gay to get the girl.

[12:02] Now, with the help of Gwen and Tiffany, Kyle pretends to be heterosexual to land Troy,

[12:07] the new guy and nude model in town.

[12:10] Kyle's ex-boyfriend Mark is horrified at the plan,

[12:13] and just decides to pursue Troy with his own tactic, being his out-gay self.

[12:18] So I think there's a good lesson at the end of Eating Out 2 Sloppy Seconds.

[12:24] It is there.

[12:26] About being true to yourself.

[12:28] Now, round two. I have three titles here.

[12:33] Sloppy Seconds.

[12:34] We've got Policewoman Centrifold.

[12:38] We've got Funky Frankenstein.

[12:42] And we have Professor Crispy.

[12:46] So, Policewoman Centrifold,

[12:49] Funky Frankenstein,

[12:51] and Professor Crispy.

[12:53] I'm going to go to Stuart first.

[12:55] What has he got?

[12:57] I'm going to say number one,

[12:59] because I feel like if Dan McCoy was scanning possible titles to put into the podcast,

[13:05] Policewoman Centrifold would immediately lodge itself in your brain,

[13:09] and no matter how much time you would spend trying not to think of the phrase

[13:13] Policewoman Centrifold, you would keep thinking about it.

[13:16] You would catch yourself scrawling it on a piece of paper,

[13:19] or accidentally typing it into your phone.

[13:23] Yeah, writing it out 23 times, the number 23.

[13:27] It's a real Slenderman-type thing.

[13:29] Elliot, what do you have?

[13:30] I'm going to go with two, Funky Frankenstein,

[13:33] partly because I don't remember what the third one was,

[13:35] because as soon as I heard Funky Frankenstein, I stopped listening.

[13:38] And also because I think Policewoman Centrifold was actually you reading your search history,

[13:42] and thinking it was a to-be title.

[13:44] So Funky Frankenstein, the movie I want to see.

[13:47] Well, I will say first to both of you, good job avoiding Professor Crispy.

[13:54] That is one of Ben's nicknames on the Blank Check podcast.

[13:58] Oh, okay.

[14:00] We enjoy their work.

[14:02] It's a little deep cut for all the blankies.

[14:04] I would have noticed that if I had listened past Funky Frankenstein.

[14:08] Funky Frankenstein, unfortunately, not real.

[14:11] Don't tell me that.

[14:14] It's not a world I want to live in.

[14:16] This is the worst of all possible worlds.

[14:18] Why don't you write it, Elliot?

[14:19] I mean, you know what?

[14:20] It may be real, honestly.

[14:22] It just isn't something that was on Tubi.

[14:24] Let me Google Funky Frankenstein.

[14:26] I mean, they should have called it Funkenstein if they were actually going to make that movie.

[14:29] That's true.

[14:30] Professor Funkenstein.

[14:32] Professor?

[14:33] He's a doctor, Dan.

[14:34] He has a doctorate.

[14:36] Policewoman Centrifold.

[14:38] Funky Frankenstein.

[14:39] Yeah.

[14:40] That's the correct one, Stuart.

[14:41] It's a television movie, actually, from 1980.

[14:43] So, wait.

[14:44] Does that make me a tube spurt?

[14:45] You're a tube spurt.

[14:47] Play the sound effect, Jordan.

[14:48] Throw that tube spurt sound effect in.

[14:50] Welcome to Jurassic Park.

[14:54] Make it gushy.

[14:55] No.

[14:56] Oh, gross.

[14:57] This is from 1983.

[15:00] You took us here, Dan.

[15:01] I did not take us to this particular place.

[15:03] Yeah, you removed the blindfold.

[15:05] You pulled us out of the trunk.

[15:07] I'm not saying ill choice of words.

[15:10] This is a real Samuel Morse moment.

[15:13] What hath God wrought indeed?

[15:15] Policewoman Centrifold is from 1983, a television movie.

[15:18] A recently divorced policewoman loses her job after she posed naked in a magazine centerfold

[15:24] based on a true story, a sad tale of, you know, fruitishness.

[15:32] Yeah.

[15:33] Something similar actually happened in my hometown, now that I think about it.

[15:36] Well, let's see.

[15:37] What do we got here?

[15:38] Okay, so to recap, Stuart has two, Elliot has one.

[15:42] We are...

[15:43] He's got two tubes and I got one tube.

[15:45] Mm-hmm.

[15:46] And, okay, number three.

[15:47] Here are the titles.

[15:49] We got Rumpelstiltskill.

[15:54] We've got The Balloon Murders and Cupid's Guillotine.

[16:02] Rumpelstiltskill, The Balloon Murders, and Cupid's Guillotine.

[16:11] So, okay, I'll go back to Elliot for the first one.

[16:15] What do you got?

[16:16] I'm gonna say Rumpelstiltskill.

[16:18] Mm-hmm.

[16:19] Okay, and Stuart?

[16:21] I think Elliot's onto something here.

[16:24] Rumpelstiltskill sounds...

[16:26] Not only does it sound terrifying, but it sounds like...

[16:30] You know?

[16:32] But it certainly sounds like something that I would see in the video store and I'd be like,

[16:37] oh, fuck, I haven't watched this one yet.

[16:39] Yeah.

[16:40] What do I gotta do?

[16:41] I guess the curse that was put on me by the sea witch would...

[16:45] Wait, did I...

[16:46] I saw a stiltskin.

[16:48] Mm-hmm.

[16:49] Is this...

[16:50] No, this is Rumpelstiltskill, so this is a different movie.

[16:52] Rumpelstiltskill.

[16:53] And the tagline is he turns straw into death.

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:57] Yeah, we gotta rent this one.

[16:58] I mean, it's sloppy, but I'll...

[16:59] Yeah, it's kind of labored, but I'll deal with it.

[17:02] I'm afraid that I...

[17:03] I mean, what else is there about Rumpelstiltskin?

[17:06] This is another case I guess I'm giving away gold that I've spun from the straw of Rumpelstiltskin.

[17:13] Rumpelstiltskill, to my knowledge, is not a thing.

[17:16] The balloon murders is not a thing.

[17:18] The actual movie is Cupid's Guillotine.

[17:20] Really?

[17:21] Really.

[17:22] And tell us what that's about.

[17:24] That sounds like my finisher if I was a wrestler.

[17:27] Yeah, where you kiss someone so hard their head comes off.

[17:30] Exactly.

[17:31] You would be an amazing hype man for my new wrestling career, by the way.

[17:36] Let's work on it.

[17:37] Obviously you see me and you're like, obvious baby face, but no, I'm a heel.

[17:41] No, no, no.

[17:42] You're a heel that seems like a baby face.

[17:44] That's the thing.

[17:45] Everyone thinks you're a baby face until you finish them.

[17:47] Yeah.

[17:48] Uh-huh.

[17:49] Yeah.

[17:50] And then their head goes off after I kiss them.

[17:51] And their head flies off.

[17:52] Yeah.

[17:53] And it's hard to do that live in the ring without actually murdering your opponent, but we'll figure it out.

[17:58] Yeah, and there's, weirdly enough, no contact.

[18:00] It's a blown kiss.

[18:01] That's true.

[18:03] Wow.

[18:04] I mean, that should be, your finishing move is that you blow a kiss and they just get knocked over.

[18:08] And then, yeah, that's Cupid's Guillotine, yeah.

[18:11] Cupid's Guillotine, that's from 2017, so relatively recent.

[18:16] A couple's love is put to the ultimate test by a haunted house attraction that seems to have a mind of its own.

[18:22] I looked up the-

[18:24] Wait, so the haunted house attraction is testing their love, so is it seducing one of them?

[18:28] I don't-

[18:29] You know, I have not seen Cupid's Guillotine.

[18:31] I did cursory internet research, enough to know that this is from the director of Drown the Clown.

[18:38] So Cupid's Guillotine-

[18:40] Oh, I'm sure.

[18:42] If you enjoy Drown the Clown, then-

[18:46] Yeah, I like that you said that as if I'd be like, oh.

[18:49] Yeah, right, right, right, right.

[18:51] This is his earlier work, I suppose.

[18:53] Before Drown the Clown took the Grand Prix.

[18:57] The Palme d'Or.

[18:59] So, time for round four.

[19:01] Here's some titles for you.

[19:02] We got Skeet Humping.

[19:05] Skeet Humping.

[19:07] That Skeet Ulrich documentary?

[19:09] Yeah, not Skee Humping.

[19:11] Skeet. Like Skeet Shooting.

[19:15] Quinoa the Mother Grain.

[19:18] And Soren Fleetfoot and the Dragons of Dragonia.

[19:26] Quinoa the Mother Grain.

[19:28] And Soren Fleetfoot and the Dragons of Dragonia.

[19:31] The questions are- the rounds are getting harder as they go.

[19:34] Dan, my hat's off to you.

[19:36] Thank you.

[19:38] Let's see. I'd tip my hat to you, but I haven't got a hat.

[19:41] Let's see.

[19:43] And you go to Stuart first, right?

[19:45] Wait, let me choose my- let me pick mine.

[19:47] Sure. We'll go to Stuart.

[19:49] Because I went first last time, I think, right?

[19:51] With Rumpelstiltskill?

[19:52] I believe that is true.

[19:53] I'm just trying to impose order on the chaos of Tubi.

[19:55] I'm going to say number two.

[19:57] I think it's Quinoa the Mother Grain.

[19:59] It sounds a little dry.

[20:00] Just like quinoa, whoa!

[20:04] Take that, Mother Grain.

[20:06] I was thinking two, but now I'm going to say three, just for variety.

[20:10] I mean, three is the one I want to see.

[20:14] But I think, if I recall, that movie's a little too big for 2B.

[20:20] Yeah.

[20:21] Well, uh, Stuart?

[20:23] When they say it's not TV, it's HBO, they all say it's not TV, it's 2B, but they mean the other direction.

[20:28] Yeah.

[20:29] So, Stuart, you are correct.

[20:32] Quinoa, the Mother Grain, is on 2B.

[20:35] Not everything on 2B is a film.

[20:37] Tubesvert! Tubesvert!

[20:39] Stuart, they should call you Tubesert, not Stuart.

[20:43] Tubert.

[20:45] This one is not feature length.

[20:47] This is 34 minutes. It's from 2014.

[20:50] As the consumption of quinoa rises internationally, the Mother Grain looks at how this increasing demand is affecting quinoa farmers.

[21:00] Weirdly enough, hosted by Mother Brain from Metroid.

[21:04] Really?

[21:06] Mother Brain on Mother Grain.

[21:11] And then you throw Mama from the train.

[21:16] And then you get on the floor and walk the dinosaur.

[21:19] Oh, stop telling me what to do!

[21:28] All right.

[21:30] Round the fifth. This will be the halfway round.

[21:33] I'm losing ground to make up distance. Stuart is up by two, I think.

[21:38] Yeah, Stuart has three, Ellie has one.

[21:41] But it could all change.

[21:43] Oh, I won! Oh, thank you. The game's over.

[21:45] The next titles are Fangs for Everything, Fangs for Everything.

[21:52] I'm not falling for this one again.

[21:54] Revenge is a Dish Best Served Dead, or Mission Killfast.

[22:02] Fangs for Everything, Revenge is a Dish Best Served Dead, or Mission Killfast.

[22:11] Those all sound like different sequels in a vampire series.

[22:14] Yeah.

[22:16] I can't remember who goes first. Whoever goes first, just say.

[22:18] Ellie gets to go.

[22:20] Yeah, I'll say the first one. I wasn't going to go for the monster one.

[22:23] But at Mission Killfast and the second one, one of them's probably real,

[22:28] but I do not want to live in a world where they're real.

[22:30] I agree with Ellie. I think she's onto something.

[22:34] Fangs for the Memories? What's it called? Fangs for Everything?

[22:37] Fangs for Everything.

[22:38] It's called Fangsgiving.

[22:40] It's actually a story about a vampire family coming together for the holiday.

[22:43] Great stuff. Let me Google it so we can TM it.

[22:47] Fangsgiving.

[22:50] Now, Fangsgiving, there's a book called Fangsgiving for Children.

[22:57] I should have thought of that first.

[22:59] Okay, so Fangs for Everything, is that the right one?

[23:02] No, the correct one is Mission colon Killfast, and Killfast is all one word, actually.

[23:07] Of course it is. It makes no sense. It's two words.

[23:11] 1991, the description I found.

[23:15] From Astro Zombies director Ted V. Mickles.

[23:18] The 30th anniversary.

[23:20] From Astro Zombies director Ted V. Mickles comes this adrenalized tale

[23:25] of a high-kicking CIA agent, vengeful Las Vegas gangsters, unhinged arm dealers,

[23:32] terrorists with nuclear weapons, explosions, and bikini-clad beauties.

[23:37] Unhinged gangsters? So wait, they're all Russell Crowe driving trucks around?

[23:41] I'll believe it when I see it.

[23:46] Well, that's the midpoint of the game, which means it's time to thank our sponsor, Libby.

[23:52] The Flophouse is supported in part by Libby.

[23:56] Libby is a free reading app created by Overdrive

[23:59] that lets you borrow e-books and audio books from your library

[24:02] on your phone, tablets, Kindle, or computers.

[24:05] All you need is a valid library card from your library.

[24:08] Even if you don't have a library card currently, you can read samples of any book you see,

[24:13] and Libby works just like your physical library.

[24:16] You simply borrow available books you want to read,

[24:19] and then they return themselves automatically after your loan expires.

[24:23] Download Libby in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store

[24:26] to start borrowing and sampling e-books and audio books today.

[24:31] What a great option instead of watching Tubi all day and rotting your brain.

[24:38] Between Tubi and Libby, I'd say go with Libby.

[24:41] I've talked on the podcast before about how my family uses Libby quite a bit.

[24:45] What have you been reading lately?

[24:48] A bunch of different things. The Oz books they have on audio books.

[24:53] Novelization based on the TV show?

[24:55] Yeah, it's all the adaptations of the TV show Oz.

[24:59] My two-year-old loves those.

[25:01] Then they've got picture books. They've got lots of stuff.

[25:04] What have you been reading, Dan?

[25:07] In general, I'm reading a book.

[25:10] This is going to sound like so on the nose to be self-parody.

[25:14] I've been reading a book about the history of vaudeville.

[25:18] Okay. Elliot, I cut you off. What's Danielle reading?

[25:22] No, no. I'm just saying being a librarian, she uses Libby a lot.

[25:25] It's a great way to get books that you may not be able to get a physical copy of right away.

[25:31] You can get them very quickly, e-book or audio book.

[25:35] Libby!

[25:36] I like that Stuart wouldn't even engage with that.

[25:38] Even on the level of it being funny that I was reading that, he's like,

[25:42] okay, I can't take it. It's breaking my heart.

[25:45] Stuart, what are you reading? I know you're just asking that,

[25:48] so we would ask you what you're reading right now.

[25:50] I'm about halfway through Crazy from the Heat, the David Lee Roth autobiography.

[25:54] Okay. And for the record, I'm currently reading How Much These Hills is Gold,

[25:58] the novel about two kids in the Old West.

[26:01] Well, that sounds good.

[26:02] Yeah. It's a grim book.

[26:04] It doesn't read like the ravings of a cocaine-fueled maniac allegedly?

[26:09] No. Not in this case, no.

[26:12] Mr. Robot Man, what are you doing?

[26:14] I'm just taking one last look at my co-workers.

[26:19] Every journey comes to an end.

[26:23] Remember, Plek, the space will be with you, always.

[26:28] Sorry, who are you again?

[26:30] That's Master Keir on there.

[26:31] Oh, right, right, right, sorry.

[26:33] He's calling in.

[26:34] Friendships will be tested.

[26:36] You have to do it. You have to shoot Plek.

[26:40] Okay.

[26:42] Wow, you shot him so fast.

[26:44] Destinies will be fulfilled.

[26:47] I've become a complete bird.

[26:50] I'm flying! I'm flying!

[26:53] On April 28th, the saga starts concluding.

[26:59] Guys, we don't have a choice.

[27:02] We have to put on a show.

[27:04] We can do it in the old barn.

[27:05] We've got the costumes, we've got a stage.

[27:07] We can do it, you guys.

[27:08] Mission to Zix.

[27:11] The final season on Maximum Fun.

[27:16] Maximum Fun drives almost here.

[27:18] It starts on Monday, May 3rd, ends on May 14th,

[27:21] and it's the best time to support the shows you love.

[27:24] Here are some folks like you,

[27:25] sharing what Maximum Fun and our shows mean to them.

[27:28] Most importantly, it's meant community.

[27:31] And, yeah, just thanks for hanging out and making jokes

[27:34] and making my week a little bit brighter.

[27:37] So, thanks, Maximum Fun,

[27:40] for making me a better person.

[27:43] And making sure that I'm surrounded by better people.

[27:48] Thanks again for all you do.

[27:49] Love supporting Maximum Fun.

[27:50] And keep it up.

[27:52] Come back Monday, May 3rd,

[27:53] for more details from your favorite hosts.

[27:55] We'll have some of the best episodes of the year,

[27:57] special Maximum Fun Drive thank you gifts,

[27:59] and maybe a few surprises.

[28:01] That's Monday, May 3rd.

[28:03] Until then.

[28:08] Okay, so at the midway point,

[28:11] Okay, so at the midway point,

[28:13] Elliot has one point, Stuart has three.

[28:16] There are five points up for grabs still.

[28:22] Still enough for me to win,

[28:23] but I'm going to have to get all of them.

[28:25] Cash on the table.

[28:26] So here we go.

[28:27] We got...

[28:28] Maybe just four of them.

[28:29] Bermuda Tentacles,

[28:31] No Pants Presidents Day,

[28:34] and Huckleberry and Goober.

[28:37] Bermuda Tentacles,

[28:39] No Pants Presidents Day,

[28:41] and Huckleberry and Goober.

[28:43] Which one of these could you watch on Tubi tonight?

[28:48] Should you feel damned?

[28:52] Should you solve the puzzle box

[28:56] that has been handed to you?

[29:01] Number one, I'm saying Bermuda Tentacles.

[29:04] Yes, drag me down.

[29:06] I'll say Huckleberry and...

[29:08] What was it, Gooby?

[29:09] Goober.

[29:10] Goober.

[29:11] Much as I would love Huckleberry and Goober to be the one,

[29:14] it is Bermuda Tentacles from 2014,

[29:17] also known as Dark Rising.

[29:20] When Air Force One goes down over the Bermuda Triangle,

[29:23] the Navy sends its best rescue team.

[29:26] But in saving the president...

[29:27] If you had said Dark Rising,

[29:28] I definitely would have chosen that one.

[29:30] That's a movie title.

[29:31] It's a monster,

[29:32] which threatens America's entire eastern seaboard

[29:35] and ultimately the world.

[29:36] It's under Bermuda Tentacles in Tubi.

[29:40] It might have an AKA,

[29:41] but in Tubi, they go for the Zazz.

[29:45] That's not even a good way...

[29:47] It's not even a good way to describe that.

[29:49] Yeah.

[29:50] Yeah, but I hear...

[29:51] Is it supposed to be a good play on Bermuda Triangle?

[29:54] Then make it Bermuda Tentacle,

[29:55] not Tentacles.

[29:56] But Elliot,

[29:57] if you had a choice between seeing a movie called Bermuda Tentacles...

[30:00] because of what the dark rising which would be

[30:04] uh... well-covered by the way

[30:06] probably that's a real good point and i think i know it's the that dark rising

[30:10] is not an adaptation of the dark is rising to that movie was called the dark

[30:13] is rising

[30:14] that yeah and i thought the movie deep rising because that's spelled

[30:17] differently

[30:18] uh... now and it's not the movie uh...

[30:20] uh... but that didn't write a little bit

[30:23] rising sun because it's called rising sun

[30:26] that movie's got so many things wrong

[30:28] it's not based on raising cain the uh... de palma john lithgow movie

[30:34] no

[30:35] no and it's not based on

[30:36] on raising bran

[30:38] it's not based on raising cain's uh... chicken finger uh... fast food restaurant

[30:42] chain that's not available in new york city for some reason

[30:46] i assume it's not based on everybody loves raymond

[30:48] the hit television show which has been adapted all over the world

[30:52] okay well we figured out what it is and let's uh... move on to the next round

[30:56] see what it might be uh... we've got three titles the first one

[31:00] doctor alien

[31:02] secondly

[31:03] earthworms with teeth

[31:05] thirdly

[31:07] d t f d m v

[31:11] doctor alien

[31:12] earthworms with teeth

[31:14] d t f d m v

[31:17] elliot what do you got

[31:19] okay i'm gonna be wrong but i'll say doctor alien

[31:22] okay stewart

[31:23] i also said doctor alien mainly on the grounds that i don't want the others to

[31:27] exist

[31:28] no i certainly don't want d t f d m v to exist

[31:33] you can rest easy tonight uh... doctor alien

[31:36] is from nineteen eighty nine

[31:38] it is from our old friend

[31:39] david dick coteau who did a talking cat

[31:43] yeah who might have but might have also done a movie called d t f d m v

[31:47] i mean that's the kind of stuff he also does

[31:49] uh... the plot a sexy substitute teacher replaces a teacher who was killed by a ufo

[31:54] encounter

[31:55] but her research on a nerdy student is now making him a lady magnet

[32:00] uh... so it's not what i thought it would be a no

[32:04] yeah

[32:05] all right so

[32:06] moving on

[32:07] but i can't say i'm not intrigued by the premise

[32:11] i think i can go far enough to say that

[32:13] uh... i gotta say i'm i'm doing pretty good in the back half over here right

[32:17] here but i don't know if it was a champion steward has a not has a mind

[32:21] for a track so i think i think that i would like

[32:24] has spent too much time watching good movies and his wife

[32:27] but why was i watching straight time

[32:30] but i said watching other stuff

[32:32] uh... so next round we got

[32:34] why did i watch minari last weekend's what a waste of my life and i should

[32:37] be watching bermuda tentacles

[32:40] okay uh...

[32:42] bikini bubblegum shrimp company

[32:45] the beard ain't his face

[32:48] and

[32:49] celery night fever

[32:52] bikini bubblegum shrimp company

[32:55] no bikini bikini bubblegum shrimp company it's someone's jewish grandma

[32:59] who has a shrimp company and is wearing a bikini to juice business the beard ain't his face

[33:04] and celery night fever what are we gonna go with

[33:08] uh... i guess

[33:09] back to elliot i think

[33:11] i'm saying number three i think it is celery night fever

[33:16] and i'm gonna say number two because that's the one i want to watch

[33:20] i would love to see the beard ain't his face unfortunately it is celery night

[33:23] fever

[33:24] it is a veggie tales video

[33:27] uh... a fifty four minute veggie tales from twenty fourteen

[33:31] veggie pals laura seventh anniversary

[33:33] veggie pals

[33:35] laura carrot and junior asparagus have a big job to do

[33:39] save their beloved celery park from being destroyed

[33:42] all hope of saving the park seems lost until the group remembers that god

[33:46] forgives without question uh... so why can't they do the same

[33:50] will the band reunite to save celery park find out this groovy music filled

[33:55] veggie tales adventure

[33:57] so god forgives them for having a god forgives them for having a topless car

[34:01] wash to save their park

[34:05] i thought one of the weirdest things that only god forgives starring uh...

[34:08] starring uh... right now i think was that the veggie tales did show up

[34:12] halfway through the movie

[34:14] okay so uh... there's two rounds left uh... elliot you're only playing for uh...

[34:19] you know your your own

[34:21] since it's a lose less badly exactly what we've got here uh...

[34:26] currently sixty-two

[34:28] uh... next round cardigans of the galaxy

[34:32] the brute dispute

[34:34] and uh...

[34:35] boxers gross science fantastic parts

[34:40] cardigans of the galaxy

[34:42] the brute dispute and boxers gross science fantastic parts

[34:47] okay i'm going with three

[34:49] i'm gonna say the brute dispute

[34:51] uh... elliot you picked up one oversteer on this one uh... thank goodness uh...

[34:55] boxers gross science fantastic parts that's from twenty twenty so very

[34:59] recently

[35:00] are you saying boxers? boxers gross science colon

[35:05] fantastic parts

[35:06] is that like what

[35:08] bonk from bonks adventures friends call him the bonkster?

[35:11] yeah the bonkster

[35:13] and he's always farting yeah

[35:14] it's a fifty two minute educational video with puppets fifty two minutes

[35:19] it's like uh... it's like uh...

[35:20] for kids no no i i i i assumed it was a twenty minute video

[35:24] join bonks and stonks two rude and crude bog monsters

[35:28] as they explain all about one of their favorite subjects in the world

[35:32] farts

[35:33] get ready for a blast of facts

[35:35] to make your head spin and your nose scrunch with the bonksters fantastic

[35:39] farts

[35:40] uh... i'd need to show that to my children if i show that to my children i'll be their hero forever

[35:45] yeah yeah watch out they might uh... laugh themselves to death like some kind of

[35:48] weird medieval

[35:50] medieval story where they

[35:52] i don't know

[35:53] where someone learns about farts and they laugh themselves to death

[35:56] yeah i think that's an original brims brothers tale

[36:00] so we got the final round big finish okay

[36:04] three titles one of them is real we got

[36:07] booty booty clang clang

[36:10] we have

[36:12] belushi's toilet

[36:14] sure and we have

[36:16] everybody's a kitty cat nowadays

[36:19] booty booty clang clang

[36:21] belushi's toilet

[36:23] and everybody's a kitty cat nowadays

[36:26] all right uh...

[36:28] stewart says one booty booty clang clang elliot what do you got

[36:31] i'm gonna say two belushi's toilet

[36:33] oh man elliot

[36:35] right at the end you come out blazing

[36:37] belushi's toilet is a canadian movie from

[36:40] twenty eighteen based on the web series of the same name

[36:44] in the not so distant future the war on drugs is considered a failure

[36:48] prohibition has ended a group of friends risk their relationships

[36:51] to create the perfect new drug

[36:54] they want a new drug

[36:56] one that won't make them sick belushi's toilet

[37:00] so that doesn't really explain what that has to do with belushi's toilet

[37:05] maybe that's the name of the drug

[37:07] uh... something that really rolls off the tongue

[37:11] yeah i'd inject that into my veins belushi's toilet

[37:14] so final score you know not as one-sided as it looks to be originally we got six

[37:19] to four

[37:21] but stewart did

[37:22] ultimately prevail

[37:25] yep

[37:26] uh... so once again tube spurt sound effect uh... crowd cheering everybody's

[37:31] excited

[37:33] great yep

[37:35] we know who the real tube spurt is tonight

[37:38] it turns out stew is a real tube dude

[37:40] and i'm just a tube poser just a guy posing with a tube

[37:44] he's a tube dude talking to two guys

[37:46] alright two boy talking to two dudes

[37:51] tonight

[37:52] tonight alright yeah

[37:54] that's right uh... so dan how were those results did they match up with what you

[37:59] expected

[38:00] were you expecting us were you writing these down and you're like there's no way

[38:04] they're going to get ten for ten you know what i gotta say uh...

[38:08] this is i don't think this is an

[38:10] insult to you so much as it is a uh...

[38:15] a testament to the weirdness of the stuff that is on tubi

[38:19] when i was writing it i'm like oh they'll see through this right away they'll see through my garbage

[38:24] but it turns out that tubi's uh... you know crazy enough to make this uh...

[38:29] make this hard

[38:31] there were a lot of there were and there were a lot where they were very bad puns

[38:35] and i was like that sounds like one of dan's tweets that's gotta be a bad pun from dan

[38:39] and no they would be a real thing

[38:41] yeah i mean uh... dan's twitter feed has been a lengthy audition for uh...

[38:47] what tubi buyer

[38:49] like i don't know what uh... tubi titler

[38:51] you know movie movie directors uh... writers you know when you're naming your

[38:55] movie

[38:56] uh... don't go for a bad pun if you want the elliot audience because elliot will see

[39:01] that on a marquee and he'll think oh it's just one of dan's tweets

[39:05] they accidentally put one of dan's tweets on here dan's tweets i don't know anything about

[39:09] computers because i'm an old man dan must have tweeted onto this marquee

[39:12] like in how in the movie sex tape they somehow uploaded like a sex video from an

[39:17] ipad to everyone in the emails because of the cloud elliot the cloud does it all

[39:21] but that's not how the cloud works dan

[39:24] i love the idea of them making that they're like we gotta get this movie out before people

[39:27] understand what the cloud is and what it does

[39:30] someone right now is rushing a wacky comedy about algorithms onto the

[39:35] market before people understand how algorithms work

[39:38] uh... well i want to thank you guys for playing my dumb game with me no thank you dan

[39:43] thank you for making us laugh at tubi

[39:46] uh... neil simon

[39:50] uh... neil simon's the tubi girl

[39:53] so uh... thank you jordan cowling for editing this nonsense into usable form

[39:58] uh...

[40:00] Thank you to everyone at Maximum Fun for their help and support.

[40:06] Go to MaximumFun.org, listen to other great Maximum Fun podcasts, happy birthday to Jesse

[40:12] Thorne, he recently had a birthday.

[40:15] And before we go, we just want to say that the Maximum Fun Drive, MaxFun Drive 2021 starts

[40:23] next week, but I'll let you in on a little secret.

[40:27] If you decide to give some money now to keep the shows running, you'll get in on all the

[40:34] MaxFun Drive benefits.

[40:38] We just want to let you know because this drops right before the drive starts.

[40:42] And you know, the money that comes from listeners to support the shows really helps.

[40:49] I know in our case, like not only does it help us, you know, keep going as we get older

[40:56] and tired, but it also helps us in times like this where, you know, I mean, I have been

[41:04] lucky enough to have steady employment, but everything is a little more unstable for people.

[41:10] And, you know, I know that it has been a comfort during this time.

[41:17] And for Stuart, thank you.

[41:19] And for Stuart and me, more than a comfort, but a material necessity.

[41:23] So we'll get we'll hit you with the full entire guilt you into pledging or raising your pledge on our

[41:31] next episode when we've got a very special movie we'll be talking about.

[41:35] And maybe we'll talk about it for a long time.

[41:38] Of course, we will. It's the Flophouse.

[41:39] But just get ready for that MaxFun Pledge Drive starting next week.

[41:45] And in addition to the special episode, we're going to be throwing stuff out there on social media.

[41:51] I'm going to be doing a couple of Instagram lives on weeknight evenings, hopefully with some very special

[41:58] guests and various other cool things that we're doing just for the drive.

[42:03] Yeah. And that sounds thrilling.

[42:05] And next week. Yeah. And next episode, maybe we'll tell you about our bonus content.

[42:09] Spoiler alert. It's dumb.

[42:11] It is very dumb.

[42:13] I actually have forgotten what we did.

[42:16] I just have a like memory of having fun.

[42:19] So wow.

[42:21] So like a great endorsement, like a great bachelor party.

[42:23] Yep. That's so Dan, why don't you take us out?

[42:28] Not on a date that, you know, we're it's good.

[42:31] I mean, you can't. You know what? Maybe this is when friendship becomes more.

[42:35] Well, we'll explore that.

[42:37] But for now, I've been Dan McCoy.

[42:41] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[42:42] And I'm Elliot Kalin, I think.

[42:45] Good night, everyone.

[42:47] Bye. Maybe I'm to be.

[42:55] Maximum fun dot org, comedy and culture artist owned audience supported.

FH Mini #28 - McCoy Boy Talking Tubi to Tu-Boy and NYU-Boy Tonight All Right

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