FH Mini 30 - The Sleuth About Cats and Dogs

[0:00] hey everybody and welcome to another flop house mini that's when we the guys at the flop house

[0:09] podcast take a break from talking about a bad movie we just saw to talk about you know whatever

[0:14] i don't know something that'll fill the time you desperately need to fill between birth and death

[0:19] when audio will no longer be one of your worries anymore i'm elliot kalin and with me are my

[0:25] co-hosts dan mccoy and over here it's stewart wellington no jokes this is getting grim right

[0:32] off the bat like what and it's i don't know just like less grim from there because guys i've got

[0:38] some exciting news to talk about another thing that you can use to fill the space between birth

[0:44] and death as we all must trying to find ways to just you know let's fill this time until we finally

[0:51] get to return back to the world soul anyway this episode is going to be released on saturday the

[0:55] 29th of may and that means if you're listening to it on the day of release there's only two days

[1:00] until monday may 31st and the premiere of housebroken the new fox animated comedy that i

[1:06] worked on all through 2020 uh it's a really funny show i really enjoyed working on it and i think

[1:10] it's gonna come out great it's the story of honey a poodle who runs a support group for neurotic

[1:16] pets that's neurotic as in psychological you know not erotic pets although i'm out no dan there's a

[1:24] i will tell you in case you ever wanted to watch a show with a horny elderly turtle this is the

[1:29] show for you i do back in wait is is neurotic mean that they have uh they upload information

[1:36] into hard drives that are built into their brains they both have the root word neuro relating to the

[1:41] brain but no you're thinking more of a uh a johnny pet nomic which would be the story of a pet who

[1:47] can carry data in his brain in a dystopian future uh where everything's kind of grimy and there's

[1:53] like rebels and it's dolph lundrigan right who's like some kind of cyborg priest that they send

[1:57] after he is a cyborg priest yeah he's a killer priest anyway there's no cyborg priests in house

[2:02] broken there is an issue there is an episode with a cyborg moment though but anyway let me finish

[2:05] dan uh it's a really funny show it's got an amazing cast lisa kudrow wait wait wait wait dan

[2:11] And was this a question about Johnny Mnemonic?

[2:12] Yeah, it was.

[2:13] Wait, hold it.

[2:14] Please let me finish the cast, and then we'll talk about Johnny Mnemonic.

[2:16] Because there's a dolphin in it.

[2:18] That's a pet.

[2:19] There's a dolphin.

[2:19] He's not really a pet.

[2:20] He's a co-worker.

[2:21] That dolphin is a colleague and a co-worker.

[2:23] He works with Henry Rollins as part of the resistance.

[2:26] I don't remember what they're resisting to, but it's something.

[2:29] Anyway.

[2:29] Takeshi Kitano.

[2:30] Yeah, Takeshi Kitano.

[2:31] But what does he represent?

[2:32] I guess, you know, there's worse worlds than ones where you got to, where we're joined

[2:35] by Takeshi Beat Kitano.

[2:37] Anyway, or Beat Takeshi, I guess you'd call him.

[2:39] So it's got an amazing cast, Lisa Kudrow, Will Forte, Academy Award winner Nat Faxon, Sam Richardson, Clea Duvall, Sharon Horgan, Tony Hale, and of course Flophouse rival Jason Manzoukas is also on the show.

[2:51] It's a really funny show. I've really enjoyed working on it. I would love Flophouse listeners to give it a try so that it gets good ratings and I can work on more seasons of it.

[2:59] So that's Housebroken, this May 31st, and then every Monday after that, until they run out of episodes on the Fox channel.

[3:07] Check your local listings for the number of the channel.

[3:09] So I figured, okay, I'm promoting a show about pets.

[3:12] What better way to promote a show about pets than to do a Flophouse mini about the subject of pets?

[3:18] Now, Dan and Stu, you both have various combinations of cats.

[3:22] Meanwhile, at my house, I have a fish, a bag of worms, and two children.

[3:26] So we all have pets.

[3:29] yeah and i was just wondering are these the right pets for you guys what if you could choose from

[3:35] all the pets of film and fictional culture well we're gonna find out because i'm gonna match you

[3:40] up with the correct fictional pets based on your answers to this original quizlet housebroken

[3:46] presents what fictional pet is right for you brought to you by housebroken monday nights on

[3:50] fox wow guys how do you feel at first you know when you said do you mind if we do this like i

[3:57] didn't realize that there's like such a branded piece of content we're all about branded content

[4:02] and branded branded segments oh sure okay well that's fine so dan so before we start the quiz

[4:07] i just want to ask you guys are you do you feel happy with your current pet situation is it

[4:11] possible that you are looking for a different pet situation to enter into i mean i wouldn't want to

[4:18] uh get rid of either of our pets but by any means we we love them both dearly you said you wouldn't

[4:24] want to get read by either of your pets like they put on glasses and then talk shit about you you

[4:28] wouldn't want them to read your palms like they're psychic pets that sounds amazing to shake my my

[4:33] hand and uh tell me that the ice is gonna break why should i would want them that to do that could

[4:39] we get a psychic pet in there is that one of the options like a dead like a dead zone pet i mean

[4:43] we'll find out i don't remember seeing any movies with psychic pets this is going to be based on

[4:47] pre-existing fictional ip uh what about that uh what about the what about that dog and uh and uh

[4:53] Guardians of the Galaxy comic book.

[4:54] Cosmo?

[4:55] I mean, he's telepathic.

[4:57] I don't know if he's psychic.

[4:58] He can't see the future.

[4:59] True, true.

[5:01] There's a distinction.

[5:01] Yes.

[5:02] Look, I love my pets as they are,

[5:05] but I'm open to anything.

[5:07] Life is a process of learning, you know?

[5:11] Yeah, I guess you wouldn't call Professor X a psychic

[5:14] because if he was psychic,

[5:15] the X-Men get into so much trouble,

[5:18] you'd think you'd get him out of that, right?

[5:20] Exactly.

[5:20] You'd think he would see it ahead of time,

[5:22] Yet there's only one psychic I can think of in the X-Men mythos.

[5:25] That's Destiny, Mystique's former lover and a fellow member of Freedom Force and the Brotherhood of Young Mutants.

[5:30] She wears a mask.

[5:32] She wears a mask to hide the fact that she is an elderly lady and that Mystique and her seem to be an age mismatch, even though it's really that Mystique can control the way she looks.

[5:41] So she's just as old as Destiny, maybe older.

[5:43] And sometimes Destiny will turn on the radio.

[5:46] But anyway, Dan, so that's your feelings.

[5:48] Stuart, how do you feel about pets?

[5:51] Well, I mean, I feel like I always want to keep my options open, you know?

[5:57] I don't want to be tied down.

[6:00] Wait, let me double check.

[6:01] One foot out the door.

[6:02] I don't see Muscles and Meatball watching right now.

[6:05] So to put that in terms that Gen Z will understand, you know that meme where the guy is with a woman and he is checking out another woman who's walking by and the woman he's with is like, what?

[6:13] So the guy is labeled Stuart and the woman he's with is labeled Stuart's cats.

[6:18] And then the other woman that's walking by that's checking out is labeled other pets.

[6:22] Yeah, the woman in the red dress is other possible pets.

[6:26] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[6:27] So, guys, let's start these questions.

[6:30] Okay, there are four rounds of questions, and in the middle we have an ad break.

[6:35] So we'll start with the first round, dog questions.

[6:39] Now, these are questions, these are multiple choice questions.

[6:41] If you choose to go off of the multiple choices, that's okay.

[6:44] I want you to use your real thinking so that I can figure out what pets are right for you based on how you respond to specific pet situations.

[6:52] So this round is dog questions.

[6:55] Question one.

[6:55] You're a basketball referee.

[6:57] Suddenly, one of the opposing teams brings a dog onto the court to play.

[7:02] Do you say, A, no barking way.

[7:05] Send that dog back to the showers.

[7:07] Only humans play human sports.

[7:08] B, yes barking way.

[7:10] Allow the dog to play.

[7:12] after all there's nothing against it in the rule book or c what the bark you pull out your flask

[7:17] say never again and then toss it over your shoulder so how do you guys feel what are you

[7:21] doing that situation oh wow oh man can i and this is a is this a situation where i can put my finger

[7:28] in the page and read the possible futures and then go back if i don't like them well it's not

[7:33] a choose your own adventure book it's a it's a quiz remember there's no there's no when i was

[7:39] in school i tried that they let me do it well i don't know what i mean but that's because you

[7:43] went to choose your own grade school uh so now again there's no wrong answers this is just to

[7:50] help me pinpoint what what is the best fictional pet situation for you yeah so here's i can only

[7:56] assume that i should have mentioned actually i should have asked are either of you do either

[7:59] you already have fictional pets are your either your pets fictional or they're real animals um

[8:04] i mean they've been peeing all over the place lately so i i think they're real i assume that

[8:09] they're real if it pees it must be real unless it's a fictional character that pees like uh one

[8:13] of the bad guys in robocop right before they shoot up robocop's arms off anyway don't they walk in

[8:18] on one of them and he's peeing i think probably okay that's why that's why he shoots that other

[8:23] guy's dick off right exactly yeah that's why the original slogan was just that guy in the poster

[8:28] and said he really puts the p in robocop and there are quotes around the p in the in robocop so dan

[8:33] you're saying okay it's the basketball referee situation hard for that poster right yeah but

[8:37] They shut him down?

[8:38] It was one of many Paul Verhoeven's losing battles.

[8:41] He also wanted RoboCop to have a realistic urinary tract that he would have to unload.

[8:45] And there were a lot of scenes that were shot.

[8:48] You can find them on the Criterion Laserdisc, where it's the same scene, but it ends with RoboCop saying,

[8:52] Good, because now I really got to pee.

[8:55] So, Dan, you're a referee.

[8:58] It's a basketball game.

[8:59] We've got a lot of these questions.

[9:00] Let's not take so much time answering, please.

[9:02] I don't think I've been the one talking.

[9:05] Here, so my thinking is this.

[9:08] I would not know the rules to basketball, right?

[9:14] So I am a poor choice for a basketball referee.

[9:19] So you're choosing D, none of the above, I would not be in this situation?

[9:23] Look, I know they're all hypotheticals.

[9:26] D, I refuse to buy into the premise of the question.

[9:28] Hold on.

[9:30] I know they're all hypotheticals, but if we're trying to get closest to, you know, what's right for me, I have to play the game as if I am involved in these hypotheticals.

[9:40] So what I'm saying is, if I'm in this situation, I'm probably trying to hide out in the guise of a referee.

[9:49] You know, there's been some sort of shenanigans where I have to pretend to be a referee.

[9:53] You're on the run from something.

[9:55] Yeah. Number one, I would be very beholden to the rule book in that situation since I have no idea what the real rules are, you know, just from my life.

[10:05] Yeah. Maybe you knocked out the original referee, put on the referee's clothes, and you're using that as an opportunity to get close to a potential target.

[10:13] Exactly.

[10:14] Maybe it's the dog. Maybe it's another player. Who knows?

[10:17] Exactly. And also, I feel like in this situation, I would be interested in creating as much chaos as possible so I could facilitate my escape.

[10:26] So I'm going to let that dog play.

[10:28] Okay, so B, yes, barking way. Okay, Stuart, what about you? Would you let the dog play or no?

[10:33] I mean, I would scramble to get my cell phone out of my back pocket. I'd be like, holy shit, look at that good boy. Good boy alert, everybody.

[10:41] And then I'd run over and take a picture, and then I'd start petting it and then let it lick my face.

[10:47] Okay, again, it doesn't answer the question, but it's an accurate description of what you would do in this situation.

[10:51] Okay, so let's move on to the next question.

[10:53] A mean old lady wants to make a coat out of your pet dogs.

[10:59] Nobody wears my pets, not even Emma Stone, who grows up to be Glenn Close.

[11:03] B, yes, barking way.

[11:05] I could easily lose two or three dozen puppies and not notice it.

[11:08] Or C, what the bark?

[11:10] Who's she going to sell a Dalmatian coat to?

[11:11] So what do you do?

[11:15] Pop quiz, hot shot.

[11:17] Except it's not a pop quiz.

[11:18] I announced it.

[11:18] You knew I was doing a quiz ahead of time.

[11:19] What are you going to do?

[11:20] I mean, I think in spirit, I'm in closest.

[11:24] I'm obviously closest to the first one because it would be very upsetting to me, the idea that she wanted to take my puppies.

[11:32] But I think that maybe emphasizing to her that it's a bad business model could be the most effective thing.

[11:41] Since she is evil, I think that an appeal to cold monetary facts might be best.

[11:50] Now, it's possible she wants this coat for personal use.

[11:53] No, that's true.

[11:54] Actually, as I'm saying it, I think she does want it for personal use.

[11:58] Yeah, she's been totally joker-fied at this point, right?

[12:00] She has been totally.

[12:01] That's what the doctor said.

[12:02] Logic doesn't matter.

[12:04] I got to go with A.

[12:05] I got to go with A.

[12:06] Okay, no barking away.

[12:07] Stuart, you going to give up these dogs?

[12:08] Yeah, there's no barking away.

[12:10] Okay, I figured neither of you would give up those dogs.

[12:12] Come on, why would you?

[12:13] So, okay, let's move on to the next question.

[12:15] Number three.

[12:15] Again, we're still in the dogs round.

[12:17] You find out that at night your dog turns into a district attorney.

[12:24] No pet of mine will be taking part in a justice system riddled with institutional racism.

[12:28] B, yes, barking way.

[12:30] I admire that my dog has the drive to not only get a law degree but also run for elected office.

[12:34] Or C, what the bark?

[12:36] How is my dog more successful than I am?

[12:39] How do you guys feel in that situation?

[12:40] I mean, I'm not surprised that my dog would be more successful than I am

[12:45] because I'm kind of dumb and lazy.

[12:50] I think it's more the drive that gets the dog there.

[12:52] I mean, the dog's not that smart, but he's got the stick-to-itiveness.

[12:56] That's true.

[12:57] Thank you.

[12:58] That makes me feel better.

[12:59] There's got to be a movie called Law School Dog

[13:01] where a dog tries to get—the dean is like,

[13:03] hmm, this dog is never going to graduate from law school,

[13:07] but he really works his way through.

[13:09] yeah yeah the newspaper chase because he's chasing oh no the paperboy chase that's what

[13:14] we call the paperboy chase because this is the paperboy that's man that's a fucking reach buddy

[13:18] okay fair i i think i guess i'll call up legendary and tell them i'm canceling the pitch meeting

[13:24] tomorrow i'm gonna order legendary would be a great name for the movie by the way

[13:30] i'm gonna order off menu and i'm gonna say that uh like i feel like a dog with a law degree

[13:39] would be a lot more useful as sort of uh i mean not useful obviously you know uh

[13:49] no not obviously anyway um i love that you've rejected every single sentence starter that has

[13:55] Come your way.

[13:56] I can't wait because whenever that sentence really starts going,

[14:02] it's going to have a tag on it that says,

[14:03] Expected by Dan.

[14:04] And I'm going to know that it was properly looked at and approved.

[14:06] No, I'm going to say I think that, like, I personally,

[14:13] if I had a legal dog, I would...

[14:18] A legal beagle.

[14:18] Yeah, it doesn't have to be a beagle.

[14:20] We'll just call it that, yeah.

[14:21] Should that be the name of the movie, Stu?

[14:23] Legal Beagle?

[14:25] I liked Legendary before, but how about Legendary colon legal beagle?

[14:29] Legendary is just a production company, but okay.

[14:32] I would be more interested in sort of selling this dog of mine's life rights,

[14:37] you know, because the story seems so just unnatural for the movies,

[14:43] but that's my concern more than anything.

[14:45] You mean this question based on a movie?

[14:47] Yeah, exactly.

[14:48] Okay.

[14:49] I would say yes.

[14:51] Am I allowed to answer?

[14:53] I was going to say that Dan has caused the quiz to eat its own tail like an Ouroboros.

[14:56] But okay, Stuart, yes.

[14:58] You would say yes, Barking Way?

[14:59] Did you say Ouroverbos?

[15:02] Oh.

[15:02] I didn't, but I should have.

[15:05] That's a dog eating its own tail.

[15:06] Ourobowoweros.

[15:08] Well, that's worse than mine.

[15:11] I would say yes, Barking Way.

[15:15] I think the best place for my dog is to dismantle the system from inside the system.

[15:19] Oh, wow.

[15:20] Okay, sure.

[15:21] I don't know.

[15:22] Okay, good.

[15:23] He made a good argument.

[15:24] We stayed up late.

[15:25] I mean, we had a couple of beers.

[15:27] We were chatting.

[15:28] And at first I was against it, but he talked me into it.

[15:32] And you know what?

[15:32] I'm just happy he's passionate about something.

[15:34] Well, okay.

[15:35] That's fair.

[15:36] And I'm hoping to see what changes this dog can bring to our fractured system.

[15:40] Guys, we're almost done with the dog round.

[15:42] There's only one left.

[15:43] Okay.

[15:43] Some badass assassins kill your dog.

[15:46] Do use your long-hidden fighting skills to go on a highly stylized revenge spree.

[15:52] A. No barking way. What was my dog doing getting mixed up with badass assassins anyway? He brought it on himself.

[15:58] B. Yes, barking way. This could revitalize my somewhat flagging career.

[16:02] C. What the bark? There's a hotel for assassins and a hotel for dogs? Why so many specialized hotels?

[16:09] So, what are you going to do?

[16:14] I'm going to say C, I think it is more likely that I personally would make sort of a mild comic observation about these hotels than to fight my way, you know, through any sort of, you know, like a group of thugs and like a boss level.

[16:32] Okay.

[16:33] That's the thing.

[16:35] I think I would have to say I would go on the revenge spree.

[16:40] i mean i've been curating this late 90s hard rock mix that i've been planning to play if i ever have

[16:46] to go on this like male revenge fantasy bullshit where it's like i got puddle of mud in there i

[16:52] got some jar of flies alice and chains in there like a little bit of contemplative a little bit

[16:57] serious you know it's going to be pretty intense uh i got a couple of different outfits already

[17:02] picked out uh some mom jeans picked out in case i need to be able to do a kick or two something

[17:08] gives me a little bit of range of mobility nothing too tight uh you know some boots uh

[17:14] and maybe like a wilson's leather jacket just so people know i mean fucking business yeah sure

[17:20] okay well that the guy got so that's a yes barking way yeah and dan your answer is effectively a no

[17:27] barking way okay so yeah do i i said wraparound shades right so i'm gonna wear wraparound shades

[17:33] also just so everybody

[17:37] knows that I mean biznass

[17:38] biznass was the only word I could

[17:41] remember from what you said

[17:42] everyone knows you mean bossnass

[17:44] that's who you're going to be

[17:45] so wrap around shades are the little

[17:49] the little like thin ones like Cyclops

[17:51] visor that like

[17:52] futuristic punks wear in the movies or is it like

[17:55] the big clunky ones that old people wear

[17:56] over their other glasses

[17:58] no not like blue blockers but like

[18:01] the kind of like

[18:01] they're like the kind of glasses that every bald guy wears in their in their like avatar pick when

[18:07] they're like making some like shitty comments on twitter you know what i mean i guess you know like

[18:13] they took a picture of them they took a selfie in their truck with their uh wraparound shades and

[18:18] goatee this is a very specific guy okay speaking of specific guys you're two specific guys we're

[18:24] about to take on round two that's right cat questions okay meow meow meow meow meow it's

[18:29] cat time okay wow first cat question you discover that your cat is inhabited by the soul of kevin

[18:34] spacey do you say a no purring way that guy's a creep b yes praying way he can do less damage

[18:42] inside a cat's body c what the purr the pet store told me this cat had the soul of burgess meredith

[18:48] so which which what's your reaction to it god damn it uh i guess i trapped kevin spacey in a cat

[18:57] i don't know man no he's already in the cat dan yeah work's been done well okay you're essentially

[19:04] you're like all those european explorers who are like i discovered the pacific ocean it's like it's

[19:08] just there dude someone was gonna see it friend then your option two falls apart because there's

[19:14] like him simply being in a cat that does not mean that i need to buy him like i'm happy about it in

[19:21] number two like i don't understand you already bought him it's are you i guess you're right

[19:25] you're not you're gonna keep him in there rather rather than trapping him in there you're gonna

[19:28] keep him in there rather than taking him out yeah i'll keep him in there i just don't want to take

[19:31] credit for something that's already happened his soul being trapped in a cat i have so i think my

[19:38] response hopefully doesn't uh answer uh or uh anticipate a future question but what i will do

[19:46] is of course i will uh pretend that i'm an old man in a wheelchair and i will hire buster poindexter

[19:52] to be a hitman to kill my cat now unfortunately that cat is going to kill him and then kill me

[20:00] but you know what at least when i get to the pearly gates i can say i tried you know

[20:04] yeah by the way that segment starred uh a character actor william hickey that's me yeah

[20:11] william hickey also the name of our mutual friend stewart's my mutual friend from college

[20:17] the reason we know one another yeah absolutely the reason we know each other yeah

[20:22] wow okay that was i mean i'm glad thanks for keeping on the subject of pets dan okay so and

[20:29] and he listens to the show sometimes uh probably annoyed that uh he has to listen to us idiots

[20:36] dumb crap yeah so let's get on to the next question guys that was as illuminating as it

[20:42] was inspiring you don't next you don't want us to talk about other people we know from college

[20:47] his name is william hickey like the actor the famous actor that's he dan gets partial points

[20:55] i get no points because i added nothing yeah i mean i mean you really went you went off book on

[20:59] that one for sure you were okay so next question you've just set your spaceship to self-destruct

[21:04] and kill the alien terrorizing you when you realize you forgot the ship's cat do you go back

[21:10] for it a no purring way i just want to strip down to my underpants freeze myself and get ready for

[21:15] the next movie b yes purring way even though that cat led harry dean stanton into a trap i still

[21:21] love it c what the purr how did cat pass astronaut training in the first place

[21:25] i'm going back for that cat i can't help it maybe it's just one last chance to get my head

[21:33] cracked open like an egg by xenomorph but you know i'm going back for that cat yeah i think

[21:38] i think stewart's uh you know i don't want to cast aspersion i think his opinion might be

[21:44] biased by the knowledge of having seen the film alien and knowing that the cat uh mission does

[21:54] not impede his uh further survival if i was in that situation i have to admit as much as i adore

[22:00] cats i probably would get a hand and blast off yeah you and me both down to those space undies

[22:07] yeah you just want to show your show your butt to the camera and just get in that crowd tube and

[22:12] yeah go away i mean i'd probably do the same thing to be honest uh but what if it was a famous cat

[22:18] what if it was sylvester the cat i don't know he's got so much to give uh what if it was heathcliff

[22:23] or yeah well i mean heathcliff he's no good terrorizing the neighborhood he probably

[22:27] got the xenomorph onto the ship in the first place and so uh actually you guys have this

[22:33] Now we're going to get to Elliot Kalin's fictional monster philosophy corner.

[22:37] Have we ever talked about Xenomorph's paradox?

[22:39] That's the philosophical construct in which the second mouth inside of the Xenomorph's mouth never reaches Harry Dean Stanton's forehead because it always has half the previous distance to cover.

[22:51] And so it's just an infinitely regressive amount of space, and it never actually reaches it.

[22:56] So Harry Dean Stanton is just left there looking shocked as water drips off of chains in a spaceship for some reason.

[23:02] Because what is that room all about?

[23:03] It makes no sense.

[23:04] Yeah.

[23:05] Yeah.

[23:07] I made a Xenos Paradox joke the other day, Elliot.

[23:11] So we're two nerds in a pod.

[23:13] That's why we're friends.

[23:14] And the woman you were talking to was like, sir, this is a Burger King.

[23:17] What are you doing?

[23:18] Which of the Paw Patrol figures do you want?

[23:23] Just go.

[23:24] Okay.

[23:26] Guys, there's another question in the cat category.

[23:29] It goes like this.

[23:30] Some kind of weird cat creature moves in next door and invites you to get on a bus that's also a cat.

[23:34] Do you join him?

[23:36] A. No purring way.

[23:37] That bus is just trying to eat me, the same way all pet cats are constantly planning how to kill and eat their owners.

[23:42] B. Yes, purring way.

[23:44] I've always wanted to be eaten by a cat.

[23:46] C. What the purr?

[23:47] Even in this children's fantasy, we're taking public transportation?

[23:50] So, guys, what's your reaction?

[23:53] You going to get on that cat bus?

[23:54] I mean, I feel like the fantasy is that public transportation is always the ideal choice, right?

[24:00] I mean, that's the reality.

[24:01] I don't know if that's the fantasy,

[24:02] but the fantasy would be a world

[24:03] where public transportation

[24:04] is not the best choice for the planet.

[24:06] I guess.

[24:09] I think I've had too many drinks

[24:11] to totally make this argument.

[24:13] Okay, the point is,

[24:14] are you getting on that bus?

[24:16] That's a good point.

[24:18] Yeah, of course I'm getting on that bus.

[24:20] I might get eaten in the process,

[24:22] but that's a pretty cute bus.

[24:24] It is, but before you...

[24:25] I also just want to mention,

[24:26] you may think that the Spike Lee movie,

[24:28] Get on the Bus,

[24:28] was about getting on the cat bus from my neighbor Totoro,

[24:31] and I want to make sure you know that it was not.

[24:33] It was actually about a different subject entirely,

[24:35] and a different bus, in case that was swaying you.

[24:37] Nope, I'm going to get on the bus.

[24:40] Get on the bus, because, you know,

[24:43] I've been waiting my whole life for an opportunity

[24:47] to go to a magical land, and here it is.

[24:50] And just as an extra credit question,

[24:54] what do you do once you get to that magical land?

[24:55] What's the first thing you're going to do?

[24:57] Oh, boy.

[24:58] Like, are there any stores there?

[25:00] Like, do they have tacos?

[25:03] So the stuff you could do normally.

[25:06] You're like, well, I do have to get an extension cord and a hole punch.

[25:10] I think a talking giraffe gives me the taco or something.

[25:13] Yeah, I mean, there's stores, like, there's places you can window shop,

[25:18] but you don't have to buy, like, stores that have, like,

[25:21] silly stuff in the window where you're like,

[25:23] is that a painting of all the actors who played the Joker?

[25:26] just, like, hanging out playing cards.

[25:28] Who buys this?

[25:30] But it's available.

[25:31] Wait, is that a real painting?

[25:33] I mean, I think I saw something like that in Key West.

[25:37] It's got to be.

[25:38] But if you see anyone's cards, they've all got jokers in their hands, right?

[25:41] Yeah.

[25:43] There's the paintings that you can get in, I mean, anywhere,

[25:48] but they're in Washington, D.C.,

[25:49] where there's the painting of all the Democratic presidents sitting around

[25:51] having a good time,

[25:53] and then one of all the Republican presidents sitting around having a good time,

[25:55] and Lincoln's back is to the viewer in the Republican one

[25:58] because you know he's like, I do not like these people.

[26:01] What am I doing here?

[26:02] This is terrible.

[26:03] He's like, I know I might get blasted for doing this by an assassin,

[26:08] but I'm going to do it anyway because I don't like these guys.

[26:11] Anyway, enough politics.

[26:13] We got another cat question.

[26:14] Okay, so you learn this is the last question in the cat category, so get ready.

[26:19] This is for the rest of the cat points.

[26:21] You learn that at night your pet cats give themselves goofy names

[26:24] and sing ridiculous songs about themselves and their goofy names.

[26:27] Do you approve?

[26:28] A. Yes purring way, this is amazing.

[26:31] B. Yes purring way, are you kidding me?

[26:34] C. What the purr, how could I not be into this?

[26:36] It's a bunch of cats singing their heart side about how they're fat and live on trains.

[26:39] I guess I railroaded you a little bit, no pun intended.

[26:43] But what's your answer on this one?

[26:44] I mean, my answer on this one is I bought the Blu-ray for cats.

[26:52] what what are the special features on that shit you know i really should dig into them because

[26:59] they've got to be amazing right like i haven't looked yeah i'd like to believe that there's a

[27:04] commentary track featuring uh ian mckellen where that's mostly him just going like this is what we

[27:09] were making what is that what i look like hold on they didn't tell me about this and just oh no

[27:17] oh no oh no no no no what size are we somewhere between science and superstition there is a

[27:29] podcast look your daughter doesn't say she's a demon she says she's the devil himself that thing

[27:38] is not my daughter and i want you to tell me there's a show where the hosts don't just report

[27:44] on French science and spirituality,

[27:46] but take part themselves.

[27:48] Well, there is, and it's Oh No Ross and Carrie

[27:52] on Maximum Fun.

[27:53] This year, we actually became certified exorcists.

[27:57] So yes, Carrie and I can help your daughter.

[27:59] Or we can just talk about it on the show.

[28:03] Oh No Ross and Carrie on MaximumFun.org.

[28:08] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[28:11] And I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne.

[28:12] Ten years ago, I came on Jordan, Jesse, Go! and judged my first dispute.

[28:16] Is chili a soup?

[28:18] It's a stew, obviously.

[28:19] The judge has dispensed a decade of justice.

[28:23] He's the one person wise enough to answer the really important questions.

[28:28] Like, should you hire a mime to perform at your own funeral?

[28:32] After they cry, I want them to laugh.

[28:35] Do you really need a tank full of jellyfish in your den?

[28:38] They smell like living creatures decaying.

[28:41] Only if they are decaying.

[28:42] Yeah, which they will be.

[28:44] Real people, real justice, real comedy.

[28:47] Winner of the Webby Award for Best Comedy Podcast.

[28:50] The Judge John Hodgman Podcast, every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org.

[28:56] Okay, guys.

[29:00] While I tally up the points for those first two rounds, before we get to the next two rounds, we've got a sponsor spot.

[29:05] That's right.

[29:06] This show is not just sponsored by television shows that I work for that I'm trying to promote.

[29:10] We have actual sponsors who want to tell you about their actual products.

[29:14] And today on this mini, we are brought to you in part by Storyblocks.

[29:18] Look, now more than ever, storytellers and content creators are challenged with producing more video content at a higher quality than ever before.

[29:24] And you've got to keep up with that growing demand for modern video content without sacrificing your vision.

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[29:32] Storyblocks is great.

[29:33] It's dedicated to being the world's best royalty-free stock media subscription service.

[29:37] That's right, royalty-free, and the library is always growing.

[29:40] There's already over 1 million high-quality stock assets, including 4K HD footage, so it's going to look as good as possible.

[29:47] You've got After Effects and Premiere Pro templates.

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[29:55] They've got an affordable subscription plan and affordable tools, and with the Storyblocks Unlimited All Access plan, it sounds so good.

[30:02] You can get unlimited downloads of everything in their library that you get to keep.

[30:06] Even if your subscription ends, you don't have to give it back.

[30:09] You downloaded it.

[30:10] It's yours.

[30:11] Do what you will with it.

[30:13] Do what you will is the whole of the law for both the Church of Thalema and also Storyblocks.

[30:17] And as a part of their ongoing restock initiative, Storyblocks has released a new round of collections,

[30:23] Queer Spaces and Faces, created by some really incredible LGBTQ plus creators

[30:28] that will feature the layered experience of the lgbtq plus community so yeah we've talked about

[30:35] storyblocks before anyone who watched our uh teen wolf live show knows that dan did great great work

[30:40] using the storyblocks footage to make a music video about how he had to pee uh there were lots

[30:45] of great shots of waterfalls uh people dancing in water there was a clown face for some reason

[30:50] that was the part where it sort of just sort of devolved uh you know into just random stuff and

[30:56] And, Dan, correct me if I'm wrong, but you had a real easy experience working with Storyblocks.

[31:00] No, it was a delight.

[31:01] It was so easy to find the sorts of things I was looking for, download them.

[31:06] They all looked—honestly, they all looked so sharp that it kind of put into sharp relief the lack of professionalism of the rest of the show.

[31:16] But, you know, that's a good problem to have.

[31:20] It is.

[31:21] So we give Storyblocks our highest flop sponsor recommendation.

[31:26] Just go to their library and explore it and subscribe today at storyblocks.com slash flop.

[31:33] Again, that's storyblocks.com slash flop.

[31:38] Okay, guys.

[31:40] I hope that was restful for you to hear about how great Storyblocks is because we're on to the next round of the quiz.

[31:45] Get ready because you've heard about cats.

[31:48] You've heard about dogs.

[31:50] You've heard about the thin line between cats and dogs?

[31:53] The truth about them.

[31:54] And the truth about cats and dogs.

[31:55] Yeah, that's true.

[31:56] Yeah, that's what it is.

[31:56] But this is round three.

[31:58] Pets that are not cats and dogs.

[32:01] Uh-oh.

[32:01] This is a shorter category.

[32:03] Okay, so let's start with the first one.

[32:05] It seems to cover so much more ground, though.

[32:09] Well, most of the movies about pets are about cats or dogs.

[32:12] It's, yeah.

[32:13] I mean, I was not able to think of a Pete's Dragon question,

[32:17] so that's one right off the bat that we're not going to get into.

[32:20] Okay, you're a hockey ref.

[32:22] Suddenly, one of the opposing teams brings a chimp onto the rink to play.

[32:26] Do you say, A, no chimping way.

[32:28] Send that chimp back to the showers.

[32:30] Only humans play human sports.

[32:31] B, yes, chimping way.

[32:33] Allow the chimp to play.

[32:34] After all, there's nothing against it in the rule book.

[32:36] C, what the chimp?

[32:38] Get that thing away from me before it bites my face off.

[32:40] This is MVP, most valuable primate.

[32:45] This is most valuable primate, the first one.

[32:46] I think he plays a different sport in MVP, too.

[32:48] Yeah, pardon me.

[32:51] You know, I'm going to, like, I've, clearly I'm on the run again.

[32:55] The cops caught up to me at the last town,

[32:57] so now I'm pretending to be a ref at a hockey game.

[33:02] And again, I let the primate play.

[33:05] Okay.

[33:06] I'd be nervous that there's some kind of shenanigans going on,

[33:12] because the last time shenanigans in a hockey arena went on,

[33:15] It was because Powers Booth had taken the entire arena hostage and Jean-Claude Van Damme had to play goalkeeper for a little bit before he then saved the day.

[33:24] So I would say, hmm, you know, I don't like it, but I'm going to have to allow it.

[33:31] Let that chimp play.

[33:32] Really?

[33:32] Okay, yep.

[33:33] Really?

[33:33] So both of you would, as the band Sparks would say, let the monkey drive, or in this case, play hockey.

[33:38] Well, that's interesting.

[33:40] You're just going to throw your algorithm off, huh?

[33:43] I thought I knew where you guys were going, but now I'm not so sure.

[33:47] But let's find out the next one.

[33:47] Okay.

[33:48] This is another primate pet-related question.

[33:52] Your pet orangutan is looking for a summer job.

[33:55] Do you advise him to become A, a hotel bellhop, B, butler in a city that a pig visits, or

[34:01] C, trucking partner of a future mayor of Carmel, California?

[34:05] So many good options.

[34:09] You know what?

[34:11] I gotta, you know, take him to that pig city because that place is wild.

[34:17] And, you know, it has so many elements from so many different cities.

[34:21] Like, you're getting in, like, a whole several years worth of travel just that one city.

[34:27] I mean, I don't think he's going to get to go outside that much.

[34:30] He's the butler, which means he mainly just stays at the house.

[34:32] But he could look out the windows, sure, at the skyline.

[34:35] Sure.

[34:37] Doesn't he get, like, a day off or something?

[34:41] I guess he gets a day off.

[34:44] I'm just saying if you want to really explore the city you live in, being a butler is not the best job for that.

[34:50] You'd want to be like a local reporter who's always investigating what's going on in the city.

[34:57] Wait, are we workshopping this now?

[35:01] Yeah, so maybe he's like an orangutan reporter.

[35:03] What would that be called?

[35:05] Oh, God.

[35:11] uh flinging sheets wait hold on um no wait did you just say flipping sheets

[35:21] no but let's say it is okay so flipping sheets uh the story of an orangutan reporter

[35:29] again sounds more like a butler's job

[35:32] but okay sure you know i'm gonna pass out okay so stewart what what are you what are you gonna

[35:40] tell your orangutan to do i mean i was thinking one thing then i heard heard all about this

[35:45] flipping sheets i'll add it d it's a reporter working at a newspaper or a butler who makes beds

[35:55] i love it okay so stu you're gonna say it's also like it feels like it's also a little naughty

[36:03] uh maybe he's hanging out with other orangutans so it's like an orangutan bedroom farce is what

[36:08] you're saying yes okay that's what i'm saying all right well uh this is our final question in this

[36:14] section in the pets who aren't cats or dogs section he's he's just trying to get a story but

[36:19] just hijinks keep happening you know now is he now here's now is he a cub reporter who's just

[36:25] starting at the paper or is he like a grizzled old reporter who's been there for a long time

[36:30] he's seen it all he's done it all and i'm gonna say he's just trying he's trying to make his bones

[36:34] You know what I mean?

[36:37] So it is a bedroom farce

[36:38] Okay, sure

[36:39] What if it was

[36:41] Okay, he's an orangutan reporter

[36:42] He doesn't have bones

[36:43] He lost them

[36:44] He needs to raise the money

[36:45] To make a new set of bones

[36:47] To make a new set of bones?

[36:49] Yeah, to get the maids

[36:50] Hire a necromancer

[36:51] To get the bones out of the earth

[36:52] And into his body

[36:54] He's commissioning

[36:55] He's commissioning a glass blower

[36:57] To make a skeleton for him

[36:59] Because he loves Samuel L. Jackson's performances

[37:00] In the Sixth Sense series

[37:02] That's a bad idea

[37:04] He's an orangutan Dan

[37:06] What do you expect

[37:06] Yeah yeah

[37:07] Dumb orangutan

[37:08] You're an osseomancer

[37:09] Yeah come on

[37:10] Okay well

[37:11] That's the movie

[37:12] I'll reschedule that pitch

[37:13] With Legendary

[37:14] So I can get

[37:16] Pitching that one

[37:16] Flippin' Sheets

[37:17] Legendary would be a good name

[37:19] If we needed a subtitle

[37:20] For Flippin' Sheets

[37:21] Okay so it's called

[37:21] Flippin' Sheets Legendary

[37:23] It's the story of

[37:24] An orangutan reporter

[37:25] Who's trying to just get

[37:27] A new set of bones

[37:28] In his body

[37:28] Okay

[37:30] Last pose

[37:32] Classic story

[37:33] I mean

[37:33] The problem is I feel like I've seen it before so many times.

[37:36] Yeah.

[37:36] Okay, so here's the last question.

[37:38] I mean, the familiarity is what gets you in the movie theater, though.

[37:41] You know what you're going to—

[37:43] I mean, it's proven IP.

[37:44] You want to go see something?

[37:44] It's proven IP.

[37:45] The orangutan who doesn't have bones who works at a newspaper.

[37:48] Once the movie starts, you know how it's going to turn out,

[37:51] and that's the comfort, yeah.

[37:52] Every story's already been told.

[37:54] It's just nuance, you know?

[37:55] Nothing new under the sun.

[37:57] Yeah, nothing new under the sun.

[37:59] At this point, there's so many takes on that boneless orangutan reporter story

[38:03] uh okay you're a little girl who becomes the owner of an enormous genetically modified super pig

[38:10] technically owned by tilda swinton do you give it back a no oinking way i found this weird super pig

[38:16] it's mine now b yes oinking way property rights trump matters of the heart cut up that pig and

[38:22] save me a slice c what the oink is that what jake gyllenhaal thinks australians sound like

[38:27] that is one

[38:30] adorable pig how do we save

[38:32] that pig what's the option

[38:34] well you can either you just decide

[38:36] not to give it back to Tilda Swinton

[38:37] I'm assuming it's no oinking way

[38:40] thus I'm going to show myself to be the hero

[38:42] of this screenplay

[38:43] I would give it back to Tilda Swinton

[38:46] because I'll do anything she tells me to

[38:48] this is a real reversal of the alien

[38:50] situation where Dan was willing to let a cat

[38:52] die for his own good and Stuart was willing

[38:54] to risk his life for it

[38:55] I think part of it

[38:58] Well, interesting

[39:00] It's the relative fear I have

[39:03] Of an alien versus

[39:04] It's a huge thing

[39:06] That's a big pig

[39:08] No, I'm more scared of an alien

[39:10] Than I am scared of Tilda Swinton

[39:12] Wow

[39:13] Some people disagree with you

[39:15] No, I understand

[39:17] They're flying arguments

[39:19] The other way

[39:21] Yeah, I mean

[39:24] And have you seen her in, what's that movie?

[39:26] The Amy Schumer movie where she plays the magazine executive?

[39:31] I believe I have.

[39:33] Yeah.

[39:34] But, I mean, we won't know the answer of Who to Fear

[39:36] until Alien vs. Swinton comes out in theaters everywhere.

[39:39] No matter who wins, we lose.

[39:40] But it'll be a fun romp for everyone.

[39:43] Okay, so that's the last question in that section.

[39:46] Guys, we're up to the final round of our

[39:49] What Fictional Pet is Right for You quiz.

[39:51] This is the essay question.

[39:53] So each of you will get a chance to answer it in a short kind of like, just a short argument.

[39:58] I don't want you to overthink it.

[39:59] It's a pretty simple question that I'm sure you've thought about before.

[40:01] Okay, and the question is, do you consider yourself more of a Zeus or more of a Roxanne, and why?

[40:07] Train wreck is the movie.

[40:09] Okay.

[40:11] Way to keep the momentum going.

[40:15] Oof.

[40:18] Well, I, you know what, um, I'm, I'm going to say I'm more of a Roxanne.

[40:24] Okay.

[40:25] Because, uh, you know, if you read the stories, uh, Zeus is a very capricious, uh, God does

[40:33] a lot of terrible things, you know, uh, murder and assault.

[40:39] So shower of gold, dude, he turned into a swan.

[40:44] Roxanne, on the other hand, much like Roxanne, I have fallen for Steve Martin.

[40:49] So, yeah.

[40:52] Okay, I mean, you're really taking the question not at face value, which is about the film Zeus and Roxanne.

[40:57] Directed by George T. Miller, not to be confused with George Miller.

[41:02] Two very different people.

[41:03] George Terrible Miller, just to make it clear.

[41:07] Wow.

[41:08] Not the good George Miller.

[41:10] That's what it says on his business card.

[41:12] It says, not the good George Miller.

[41:14] uh elliot which one is zeus and which one's roxanne so zeus is the dog and roxanne is the

[41:20] dolphin i'm gonna be more specific so what flavor would flavor of dolphin zeus is a like kind of a

[41:26] medium-sized dog uh and the roxanne is a regular size dolphin you know what i'm gonna look up these

[41:34] what's regular in a dolphin elliot

[41:36] stop pulling your usual bullshit on me where you think you know all about dolphin sizes

[41:44] okay fair okay well how about this are you more of a zeus more of a roxanne or more of a steve

[41:49] gutenberg as terry barnett the main character of zeus and roxanne other than of course the

[41:54] i don't know like zeus and roxanne zeus looks like uh some sort of terrier probably it's a kind

[42:02] of a why did i think why did i think it was i got him confused with milo and otis i'm gonna stick

[42:08] with i'm gonna stick with roxanne because uh to swim like a dolphin uh you know all the time what

[42:15] what a treat that would be okay okay that's fair so but that's what you want to be or that's what

[42:20] you are yeah i'm i'm roxanne okay i mean i feel like if dan's roxanne of course i'm zeus i mean

[42:28] i'm stuck on land watching my buddy swim around the water and you know i wish i could be with him

[42:35] but i can't because i'm not blessed with the ability to swim super well i was about to say

[42:41] gills but dolphins don't have no dolphins do not have gills they're mammals who breathe through a

[42:45] blowhole okay so that's true okay so dan you're more of a roxanne street you're more of a zeus

[42:51] again that was zeus and roxanne directed by george t miller not the george miller you're thinking of

[42:55] george t miller was the director of course of the aviator not the aviator that you're thinking of

[42:59] oh wow did he do anything else oh he did lots of stuff the man from snowy river never ending story

[43:06] two lots of stuff never any story two with jonathan brandis yes the very same uh okay so guys let me

[43:13] tabulate the results of these questions first how do you think you did in the quiz wait i you said

[43:18] there was no right answer well i was lying how do you think you did well do you think you're

[43:23] gonna get a good fictional pet are you thinking be happy with with what the with the quiz matches

[43:27] you up with or you know i love all a manner of animals i think i will be happy okay uh i'm kind

[43:37] of prepared to be upset at this point okay well let's see i think i've i think i've played a bad

[43:41] game uh no no you played you played a good game boy i got oh okay i think i did well now okay so

[43:49] i think you guys should both be mostly proud of your answers not dan of course who left a cat to

[43:53] die on a spaceship but otherwise you should be you know proud for just taking part let's give

[43:57] have a round of applause just for our contestants everybody this is the people at home are clapping

[44:01] right now everybody's a winner in this non-competitional game that again is more of a

[44:05] personality quiz so i've tabulated the scores and the algorithm has figured out what is the right

[44:11] fictional pet for you okay dan you said you love all manners of living things so let's dive into

[44:16] it it says dan you are a cat person but unfortunately the particular cat that is

[44:21] right for you is mike myers from the film the cat in the hat oh no this is the perfect pet you love

[44:26] all living things dan this is the perfect pet all manner of animal this is the perfect pet to shake

[44:30] you out of your humdrum life by injecting inappropriately sexual jokes delivered in the

[44:34] voice of an older jewish woman for some reason cats in the hat can be difficult to care for

[44:38] because of their severe bipolar disorder but well worth the effort your mike myers will be arriving

[44:42] on your doorstep tomorrow so please plan accordingly oh so the quiz has already gotten

[44:46] one for you that's great how do you feel Dan it's great it's gonna want me to go to the raves with it

[44:52] yeah and if it's a Mike Myers you know you're gonna need to have some hockey jerseys on hand

[44:58] in case he gets cold it looks like Dan you can learn a little bit from when you hide out as a

[45:02] ref you can you'll know a little bit more about the about this the sweet game of hockey the good

[45:07] old hockey game I don't know maybe maybe I'll learn something from the chaos this cat will

[45:12] bring into my life mm-hmm yeah yeah something about yourself yeah and about the world around

[45:17] you i that's the good attitude resigned submission to fate sure and uh stewart let's see what it says

[45:24] about you oh this is interesting this is a very interesting result stewart off the top of your

[45:28] hand off the top of your head what would be your guess i should ask dan what his guess was too so

[45:31] what's your guess what what pet do you think this is going to line you up with

[45:34] i'm really hoping for like beethoven or something right okay the composer or the dog or both

[45:42] i mean the composer okay he's a huge star no go for both

[45:48] both what like a fucking centaur yeah yeah yeah it's the bottom half is the dog yeah and the upper

[45:57] half is ludwig van yeah sure uh okay let's see if that oh that's not what the computer is telling

[46:04] me the computer is telling me okay it says stewart you should not have a pet because you

[46:08] are a pet specifically you are a harry from the movie harry and the hendersons you enjoy living

[46:14] in the woods with occasional vacations in suburban homes that end in lunch on lithgow pretending not

[46:18] to like you so that you'll go away or maybe harry was the owner and the hendersons were the pets

[46:22] and harry realizing he didn't want to take on the responsibility of caring for a middle-class

[46:27] family of four decided to let them down easy by pretending he didn't want to go but actually

[46:31] relishing the chance to escape either way stewart you are the original party animal it says oh okay

[46:36] so that's fair oh it's just like that time i ran into john lithgow outside of the tgi fridays at

[46:42] union square and he pretended he didn't like me and yelled at me until i left it

[46:45] now you know why now it's come full circle yeah he just he thought he'd run into his old co-worker

[46:53] harry so how come they never so harry you don't see harry in a lot of things these days i guess

[46:58] he was in the original movie and on the tv show but again maybe there's not a lot of roles for

[47:03] bigfoots anymore so uh dan you uh get mike myers from the cat in the hat stewart uh you get to be

[47:08] harry a sasquatch and that was housebroken presents what fictional pet is right for you

[47:13] brought to you by housebroken monday nights on fox starting may 31st please give it a watch so

[47:17] guys now it's time for the post game uh interviews how do you feel how do you feel about about your

[47:22] uh about your results i mean i you know look i don't want to be a sore loser but i don't want

[47:30] a horrific Mike Myers human-sized cat man

[47:35] to visit me and create all sorts of havoc.

[47:39] I mean, particularly considering

[47:42] that Stuart gets to be like a cool Sasquatch.

[47:45] It's true, I get to be.

[47:47] Although I feel like,

[47:48] and I feel like the marketing opportunities

[47:50] because maybe I could be like a pitch person

[47:54] for Pizza Hut's Bigfoot Pizza.

[47:56] Do they still do that?

[47:57] They will once they see you're ready

[47:59] to do the commercials, yeah.

[48:00] Does pizza still have freestanding restaurants with shingled roofs and all-you-can-eat fucking salad bars?

[48:07] I believe so.

[48:07] Probably fewer than they once did.

[48:09] Now, Dan, I'm just curious because you have been on the record even earlier this episode as being very pro-giant, weird, human-sized cats.

[48:18] Hey, guys, real quick.

[48:19] Does pizza still do that thing where if you read enough books at school, they give you a free pizza?

[48:24] Do you want to enroll in the program?

[48:28] I mean, if I'm going to be eating pizza anyway, or wait, if I'm going to be reading books anyway, I might as well get pizza out of it.

[48:35] Man, I, you know, Pizza Hut was one of the earliest and longest serving, I believe it's still there, restaurants in my hometown of Eureka, Illinois.

[48:46] And I remember when Pizza Hut introduced, like, the pizza buffet.

[48:51] And it's like, you know, you got all these different types of, like, slices of pizza you can pick up, all you can eat.

[48:58] and then plus you got the like the dessert pizza on there which is just like you know cinnabon

[49:03] style frosting on you know cinnamony like pizza dough it's one of those items that you look at

[49:11] and you're like okay this is a mistake but still i kind of i gotta take a little taste of this

[49:18] yeah you feel like a fucking skeksis from uh yeah like oh roast nebri on a pizza

[49:25] Well, that was a wonderful little trip down Pizza Hut memory lane.

[49:31] And it was the perfect way to end this pet episode of The Flophouse.

[49:38] So unless you guys have any other final thoughts about pets, I'll just say thanks to our listeners for listening.

[49:43] There's lots of other great shows on the MaxFun Network.

[49:45] Thanks to our editor, Jordan Cowling, who produced this.

[49:48] And remember to have your pets spayed or neutered unless you like letting them have a good time.

[49:53] In which case, hey, go wild.

[49:56] For The Flophouse, I have been Elliot Kalin.

[49:59] I'm Dan McCoy.

[50:01] And I'm Stuart Wellington saying, sorry?

[50:05] MaximumFun.org

[50:13] Comedy and culture.

[50:14] Artist owned.

[50:15] Audience supported.

FH Mini 30 - The Sleuth About Cats and Dogs

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